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Techies Excerpt
Techies Excerpt
__________________________
A one-act comedy by
Don Goodrum
This script is for evaluation only. It may not be printed,
photocopied or distributed digitally under any circumstances.
Possession of this file does not grant the right to perform this
play or any portion of it, or to use it for classroom study.
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Techies © 2012 Don Goodrum
All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-62088-446-1.
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and is subject to royalty for all performances including but not limited to professional,
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without notice. Required royalties must be paid each time this play is performed and may
not be transferred to any other performance entity. All licensing requests and inquiries
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Author Credit: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must
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Produced by special arrangement with YouthPLAYS (www.youthplays.com).
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COPYRIGHT RULES TO REMEMBER
1. To produce this play, you must receive prior written permission from
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2. You must pay a royalty each time the play is performed in the
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of value. We think this is important, and we hope that everyone will do
the right thing, thus allowing playwrights to generate income and
continue to create wonderful new works for the stage.
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 7
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
8 Don Goodrum
(He realizes that what he's hearing is Janie yelling at him from
the headset. Quickly, he yanks the headset up and puts one
earphone to his other ear.)
Hey Janie, sorry! (Pause.) What? Did you jiggle it? (Pause.)
Jiggle it again! (Pause.) Hang on, I'll lower the light bar.
(He puts the headset down, pushes a button for the light bar on
the board and re-focuses on the phone.)
Sorry Mom, but I gotta go! Curtain's in twenty and we're
having issues. (Pause.) Yeah, I'll call if I hear anything.
(Pause.) Yeah, love you too. Bye.
(He hangs up his phone and begins reading notes from his
clipboard. Through UC door, enter AMY CROSS, also eighteen
and a senior, she is an energetic and friendly girl who has been
Tony's girlfriend and Asst. Technical Director for the past two
years. Wearing jeans and a similar "tech-themed" t-shirt, she
brings dinner in two greasy bags.)
AMY: (Kissing him quickly before opening bags:) Hey! Have you
seen Spook? Everybody is looking for him!
(She begins removing sandwiches from the bags.)
TONY: Not my day to watch him—I've got bigger problems.
Zone Three's on the fritz.
AMY: Did you jiggle it?
TONY: I jiggled it!
AMY: (Handing him his sandwich:) Well, I don't know then.
Hey, you wanted roast beef and swiss, right? Extra mayo and
hold the tomato?
TONY: (Taking a bite:) Just like always. What'd you get?
AMY: Club sandwich on toasted whole wheat with extra
pickles...
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 9
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 11
(He spins around to make his point and finally sees the kid
standing next to him. Of course, this is SPOOK. Another
senior, Spook has shaggy hair and poor posture and is dressed
like the others.)
(Stops short and takes a deep breath:) Hi, Spook.
SPOOK: Hey, dude. Wassup?
TONY: How long have you been up here?
SPOOK: I dunno. What day is it?
(Spook's "friend" takes a tentative step forward. Young and
pretty she is fourteen or fifteen years old.)
AMY: (Disgusted:) You want to introduce us to your friend,
Spook?
TONY: (Smugly:) Yeah, what's her name, Spook?
SPOOK: (In a cartoon Mexican accent:) Name? We don't need
no stinkin' name, man! (Back to normal accent:) We have
communed on the atomic level! We are in touch with one
another's souls!
TONY: (Leaning in conspiratorially:) Does that really work for
you?
SPOOK: (Cutting his eyes toward the girl:) Well...it did today.
AMY: (Taking Spook by the shoulders and turning him to face her:)
Spook! Everybody's looking for you and the curtain goes up
in less than twenty minutes! The house is already open and
you haven't even done your pre-show! You see where we're
going, here?
SPOOK: Sure Ames, no problem! (Reaches his hand out to his
"friend":) Come on, uh... (Still doesn't know her name:) Oh, just
come on!
(They exit UC as Tony's cell phone rings.)
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
12 Don Goodrum
TONY: (Answers phone, sharing a hopeful look with Amy:) Hello,
Tony Sullivan speaking. (Pause.) Hi, Mom. (He and Amy relax
as they realize it's not Harvard:) Mom, it hasn't even been ten
minutes yet. Trust me, when I hear, you'll be the first to know.
(Amy points to herself meaningfully.)
One of the first, anyway. What?
(As Tony gets an earful from Mom, Cliff returns UC.)
CLIFF: (To Amy:) Harvard?
AMY: His mother.
CLIFF: Ooh... (Pats Tony on shoulder sympathetically:) Hey, who
was the girl with Spook?
AMY: He doesn't care, why should you? Did you get Zone
Three fixed?
CLIFF: Was there ever any doubt? A little duct tape, a little
brilliant technical insight...
AMY: You jiggled it.
CLIFF: I jiggled it.
(Amy adjusts the sliders on the board to test Zone Three as Cliff
wrestles with his thoughts.)
Uh, Ames? Herr Director wants to see you.
AMY: Mrs. Tucker? What does she want to see me for?
CLIFF: Hey, I don't know. I'm just the messenger. She put out
the word and I went running. You know she's not coming up
those stairs!
AMY: (Picking up a clipboard and a walkie talkie:) Yeah, not with
that hip. How did she throw it out this time?
CLIFF: Clogging.
AMY: What's that?
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 13
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
14 Don Goodrum
CLIFF: Sorry! Anyway, that's not the awful part! Guess who
Tucker's got coming in to take her place?
TONY: Who? Nobody else knows the (A horrified pause as the
truth crashes in:) —oh my god.
CLIFF: (Ringing an imaginary bell:) Ding! Ding! Ding! Ladies
and gentlemen, we have a winner!
TONY: (Horrified:) Camille?!
CLIFF: That's right! Your old girl-friend, Camille Curry!
Actress, singer, diva and all-around psycho nut job!
TONY: Camille?!
CLIFF: She did the show last year at the Little Theatre. She
knows the lines!
TONY: Camille?!
CLIFF: Would you stop? You keep saying her name like that
and she'll appear!
TONY: Oh knock it off! You make her sound like
Candyman...or Satan.
CLIFF: And do you have any proof she's not? Have you
forgotten the last time...?
TONY: How could I? My shoulder still hurts every time it
rains. If Amy hadn't—oh my God, Amy!
CLIFF: And you're two for two, little buddy! Want to go for
the Lightning Round where the prizes are doubled and the fun
really begins?
(Spook enters UC.)
SPOOK: Hey man, are you guys on headset? Janie's been
calling you for ten minutes!
CLIFF: (Answers for Tony who is barely listening:) Sorry, Spook.
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 15
What's up?
SPOOK: Well, we're holding the curtain, apparently.
CLIFF: Yeah, Bonnie's sick. We heard.
SPOOK: Oh, it's more than that, dude. Not only is Bonnie
AWOL, but Charlie's having a panic attack 'cause he was
counting on Bonnie feeding him his lines if he forgot them. Ol'
lady Tucker took too many Valium for her hip and is
wandering around the Green Room in a choir robe and a
football helmet, singing "Memory" from Cats at the top of her
lungs, and you remember that Camille chick? From last year?
She just swooped in here like the Queen of Freakin' Sheba with
her own costume rack, three make-up boxes and a personal
assistant!
CLIFF: I have never been so happy to be stuck up here in my
life!
TONY: (Finally listening:) Spook? Where's Amy?
SPOOK: Amy? (A beat.) Oh yeah! She was looking for a
knife!
TONY AND CLIFF: A knife!
SPOOK: Yeah, she needed to cut up that ham for the dinner
scene.
TONY: Oh, right...the ham.
SPOOK: You okay, Tone? You look like you need to lie down,
man.
TONY: (Lost in his own thoughts again:) No, I'll be fine. Thanks,
Spook.
SPOOK: (Heading toward door:) Hey, no problemo, mi amigo.
I'd rather be up here talking about it than be down there living
it. (He reaches the door and turns back:) Oh, by the way, I've been
dodging my mom's calls all night, so if she should come up
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
16 Don Goodrum
here, you guys haven't seen me, comprende?
(Tony and Cliff adlib agreement, but they're not listening.)
Adios!
(He exits and MR. CRENSHAW, the Harvard recruiter, enters
UC. A kind man in his fifties, he wears a sports coat and tie. He
knocks tentatively on the door.)
CRENSHAW: (Not wanting to interrupt:) Tony? Tony
Sullivan?
TONY: (Crosses to him in surprise, shakes his hand:) Mr.
Crenshaw? What are you doing here? I thought Harvard was
going to send me a letter!
CRENSHAW: They are. Uh, they will. I was just in the
neighborhood and...is there some place we can talk?
TONY: (Looks at Cliff who is no help:) Well (Keeps looking around
as if an answer will appear:) —not really. I appreciate you being
here, Mr. Crenshaw, coming all this way in person, but the
truth of it is, we're supposed to open this show in five minutes
and the curtain's being held, the lead actress is sick, our
teacher is riding the magic bus... I'm afraid if I take one step
out of this booth, the world will come to an end.
CRENSHAW: I understand. I should have called first—
CLIFF: Hey, why don't you stay for the show?
TONY: That's a great idea!
CRENSHAW: Well, I don't know—
TONY: Please, Mr. Crenshaw! I'm sorry for all this chaos, but
if you can just hang out for an hour, I can probably be able to
talk by intermission! OK?
CRENSHAW: Well...I suppose...
TONY: (Walking him to door:) Great! Just head right back
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 17
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 19
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
20 Don Goodrum
CLIFF: Sorry ma'am, we don't have a Reginald. Nobody here
but us chickens.
MRS. EUBANKS: That's right. You geniuses call him
something else. Ghost? Casper?
TONY: (Straightening up:) Oh, you mean Spook! Yes ma'am,
he's here.
MRS. EUBANKS: (Spits:) Well, not for long! I told him he
couldn't do nothing today until he cut the yard and took out
the trash and he didn't do either! So now, he's either gonna
come home and take out the trash...or eat it. I don't care
which.
CLIFF: But you can't!
MRS. EUBANKS: (Angrier:) What did you say?
TONY: (Diplomatically:) What Cliff means, ma'am is that Sp—
ah, your son is a very important part of our crew. He oversees
the entire stage left set crew and runs almost all the changes.
If he weren't here, we might not be able to put on the show.
(Mrs. Eubanks moves further into the booth, pushing Tony, Cliff
and the now forgotten Charlie into a corner together.)
MRS. EUBANKS: (Spits:) You boys ever had kids?
CLIFF: (Cocky. He just can't help it:) Well, not that I know of...
MRS. EUBANKS: What!?
CLIFF: (Terrified:) I mean, no ma'am, no kids. None at all.
MRS. EUBANKS: Well, when you do, you'll learn that
children, teenagers especially, are like wild animals and if you
don't keep 'em on a leash and if they don't learn to respect the
whip and the chair, then they'll just go off plum loco! You get
me?
ALL: (Adlibbed:) Yes ma'am!
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
Techies 21
© Don Goodrum
This is a perusal copy only.
Absolutely no printing, copying or performance permitted.
26 Don Goodrum
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© Don Goodrum
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