A Collection Of Thoughts - Nox

Everchanging Confusion
Ever Changing feelings, I’m unsteady, I'm free, I'm crying, I'm smiling; why does it
all have to be so complicated? Liking someone only adds to the confusion then their
labels, depression, abuse, happy, lonely, single, anxiety, and more. Why does it all
have to be so confusing?

Leap In The Air

Fresh summer breezes the sweet fragrance of dew and wildflowers in the air,
intoxicating my senses. Perhaps this is freedom? Cool rushes of water, sand between
my toes, waves lapping against smooth skin. Memories in the air along with our soft
voices. Swing Sets go by in a whoosh, how I remember the freedom of flying in the air,
my legs going up and down rhythmically. My only goal is to get higher, then to leap
down and do it all over again.

Mindless Patterns
Fading like the gentle fall of a whisper, my mind learns the patterns before it sees,
hears, and feels. It has become a field of wildflower filled memories, makeshift forts,
and the laughter of children. Filling me with sorrow for having missed all those sunny
days hiding away with my fears held to my chest.

Bound
Their first words are always “I love you.”
Love changes people, it binds them, builds them up, only to tear them down. We are
blinded often by the people we believe we love the most. It causes chains to wrap
around our throats enabling us to speak and to pull us to our knees. They've
enraptured us in their gaze effortlessly, without knowing it. There is a beauty in pain,
in the way tears flow silently one by one down their cheeks.
Their last words always being “I hate you.”

Your Perfection
I want to learn the curves of your body, everything you view as imperfect allows me to
redeem it. Each mark or would I prove only adds to your perfection. The way your hair
flows as you run your hands through it, the way dimples appear when you smile and
your eyes glitter. How each word you say weighs a thousand words in my mind
because you'd forgotten how to speak once upon a time. Each loop of your name toys
with me, but I didn't mind it. I just wanted you in my arms, to make me feel safe,
wanted that's all. Nothing more, nothing less. To convince you of your perfection is
my only overwhelming goal.
Observations From An Observer
Did you know that you fidget when you're nervous? That you carry a grin when you
think of something funny. That your eyes hold the childlike delight when you spot
your favorite person just across the room. That your voice lowers and shivers when
you're upset as if you're ashamed to be feeling the way you feel. Unconsciously
breaking my heart. I hate to disappoint but I have never been able to say what's on my
mind so instead I observe your everyday habits; you probably don't think it matters.
But there is a part of you and so they do.

My Twin
When asked who my worst enemy is I will respond in kind, it is a mirror. That shows
my acne, scars, blemishes and falling grin. It reflects my twin who has doubts and
insecurities and is perfectly imperfect. But she looks the same and this simple fact
saddens me. Her teeth are crooked and her eyes are not as bright as they should be.
Whispers follow her as she walks for the way she dresses and it hurts.

Meant To Be Apart
And as days turned into weeks and weeks into months and months into years I
realized I could no longer meet my gaze. Each breath I took shook and each memory
brought a sob. The gentle air bore no comfort to me and my outstretched arms, nor did
you. Rather you watched the rivers fall knowing you had released the dam for other
fishes. How my son fell into the moon leaving only laughter. It hurt. To know how I
craved the warmth and brush of fire against fire. To know the warmth only stays as far
as the sun rises and moon falls. Why? Was I too cold? Did I offer no warmth? Or was I
meant to fall and you rise? It hurt to know the sun would never meet the moon.

Goodbye
When you say goodbye, with tears in your eyes hoping it's not a forever sentence but
rather a parting until next time. You send a piece of yourself with them with the wish
that they do the same. Those moments spent together are cherished and you may
want more but parting is a bittersweet gift. Giving you time to think and process but
also to miss them. Because you never know how much you truly miss someone until
there's a distance of time, space or feelings.