Transactional Analysis Journal

ISSN: 0362-1537 (Print) 2329-5244 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/rtaj20

Compromises

Mary Goulding

To cite this article: Mary Goulding (1995) Compromises, Transactional Analysis Journal, 25:1,
35-36, DOI: 10.1177/036215379502500109

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1177/036215379502500109

Published online: 28 Dec 2017.

Submit your article to this journal

Article views: 3

Full Terms & Conditions of access and use can be found at

http://www.tandfonline.com/action/journalInformation?journalCode=rtaj20
 Compromises
Mary Goulding
Abstract
The author describes her difficulties in
her education and in establishing herself in
a career in a male-dominated world.
When I was 14 I received one of those
University of Chicago scholarships that Presi-
dent Hutchins was promoting. It was supposed
to allow me to skip my junior and senior years
of high school and immediately enter an ac-
celerated program at the university. After
receiving it I found out that my mother had
allowed me to apply only for "brag" purposes;
the family had no money for my room and
board and wouldn't consider letting me go off
to college at 15. I was devastated!
What that has to do with my career today: At
the interview for the scholarship, 1 explained
that I wanted to be a warden of a women's
prison in order to make sure that the women
prisoners were treated properly. 1 explained to
the interviewer that 1 had read all of Warden
Lewis Lawes's books on Sing Sing, and 1
wanted to be a prison reformer. What they did
to prisoners in Sing Sing was awful. Mother,
listening to this interview, was horrified, as she
seemingly hadn't noticed which books I'd
been reading. 1 also explained that 1 hadn't yet
decided whether 1 was a socialist or a commu-
nist, although 1was studying the subject on my
own and probably would decide soon. That
bothered Mother, too, of course. She was sure
I'd blown my chances. When they took me
anyway, it proved what she had always sus-
pected about the University of Chicago-that
it was dangerous and radical.
Two years later 1 wanted to go to Roosevelt
College, which really was radical in those
days. Again, no dice. (I had no belief that 1
Vol. 25. No.1. January 1995
could go without financial support and never
even considered it.)
I entered the University of Illinois at age 17,
did exactly what my mother suggested, and
majored in English literature. Wasn't that
sweet of me? 1 did get through in three years
with Phi Beta Kappa and almost straight A's.
I got a job as a waitress on the S.S. North
American one summer, saved every cent, and
actually broke loose to attend the Universidad
Nacional Autonoma in Mexico City for six
months out of the three years.
1 applied to graduate school at the college in
Washington, D.C., (American University? 1
don't remember the name) that trains students
for careers in the foreign service and the diplo-
matic corps. This was what, by then, 1 really
wanted. 1 received an official letter saying that
women were not admitted, that there were no
career opportunities for women, and that 1
could be a secretary overseas if 1 learned
secretarial skills and paid my own transporta-
tion. It is ironic that my male cousin, graduat-
ing the same year, immediately got a good job
in the diplomatic service. He only decided to
do it because 1had wanted to.
Instead of looking for another career, 1 got
married. 1began working part-time in juvenile
hall when my children were young and quit
when the girls at juvie began to practice sing-
ing together for a program for the boy's divi-
sion. Their song of choice was "Que Sera,"
and every time 1heard it, I'd have to run out of
the room to keep from crying. 1 knew what
their futures would be. Compared to them, 1
had a sumptuous life.
1 decided that 1 wanted to go to graduate
school as soon as my youngest child was three.
At that point, my first choice was Boalt Hall,
University of California Law School. 1 wanted
35
MARY GOULDING
to be a lawyer, work for liberal causes, and my
impossible dream was to be in Congress,
although I knew that would never conceivably
happen, again because I was female. I did
think it was possible, perhaps, if I were the
best student in school, to end up working for
the ACLU and that would have been okay. The
admissions department at Boalt Hall said that
they would admit no "women with children"
under any circumstances.
I decided I did not want to compete against
men, because it was hopeless, so I applied to
the department of psychology and learned it
would take forever to get the right undergradu-
ate courses in sequence. Also, it seemed that
only men worked in that department. No
women discussed my career with me, and the
men were stubbornly nonhelpful.
At that point, I went back to my school-age
desire and decided I wanted a career in correc-
tions. Unfortunately, by then it seemed a
defeat .rather than a choice. I went to the
school of social welfare, talked with women,
and was congratulated on my high undergradu-
ate grade point average and urged to apply for
a scholarship. I received $200 a month tax-free
36
plus a waiver of tuition. They also let me do
the two years in four years so that I was only
away from the children two or three days a
week.
When it came time to decide on a major
within social work, I decided that I did not
want to go into corrections, which I liked best,
because I wasn't free to take jobs wherever
they were offered. (I imposed on myself the
restriction that I'd have to live wherever my
husband had a job.) Also, all the good jobs
went to men. I decided that I was never again
going to fight the men's world. So I took a
psychiatric major. In those days there were
plenty of jobs in local clinics for female psy-
chiatric social workers, and that was what I
planned to do. I did get interested in our field,
of course. I think it took until I met Bob,
however, for me to drop my core bitterness
that social work was a compromise imposed
on me by the world of men.
Mary Goulding. M.S.W. isa Teaching and
Supervising Transactional Analyst who lives in
San Francisco.
Transactiona/Ana/ynsJournal