The Skills Training Manual for RO DBT

Radical Openness Worksheet 8.A

Radical Openness Worksheet 8.A

Flexible Mind SAGE Skills

Flexible Mind SAGE

S Use Self-­enquiry to determine if shame is warranted

A If shame is warranted or partially warranted, then Appease

G If shame is unwarranted, then Go opposite to urges to hide

E Show embarrassment to Enhance trust and socially connect

Be alert for times you experience shame, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, or similar self-­conscious emotions. SAGE
skills can be used with recent or past events that triggered shame and similar self-­conscious emotions.

Pick an event to practice your SAGE skills.

Describe the event (for example, who was present, what their relationship was with you, and what the primary
purpose of the interaction was).

Describe the specific behavior you displayed or failed to display that you believe may have caused or contributed
to your shame or self-­conscious emotional response.

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The Skills Training Manual for RO DBT Radical Openness Worksheet 8.A

S Use Self-­enquiry to determine if shame is warranted.

Place a checkmark in the boxes next to the skill you practiced.

†† Used self-­enquiry in the heat of the moment before I attempted to regulate, accept, or deny my emotional
experience by asking What is it that I might need to learn from my emotion? Record here what happened.

†† Remembered that the goal of self-­enquiry is a good question, not a good answer

†† Practiced self-­enquiry about my shame or self-­conscious experience over several days to weeks.

Record here the question or questions that you found most helpful.

†† Used the RO DBT Self-­Conscious Emotions Rating Scale to determine whether my shame was warranted
or unwarranted.

Record your score(s) here.

Total number of YES responses for questions 1–­3     

Total number of YES responses for questions 4–­13     

A If shame is warranted or partially warranted, then Appease.

Place a checkmark in the boxes next to the skills you practiced.

†† Signaled integrity by not falling apart.

†† Recognized that I did not wish to damage the relationship with the person I wronged and/or that I
desired to regain entry into the tribe.

†† Practiced outing myself about my transgression.

†† Blocked attempts by others to explain away, justify, or validate my behavior or emotional reactions. I
explained to the other person that my practice of outing myself is part of learning how to take responsi-
bility for my actions and emotions without falling apart or immediately blaming others.

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†† Repaired the transgression, without expecting anything in return, using the eight steps for relationship
repair. Place a checkmark in the boxes next to the skills you practiced.

†† Signaled deference and relinquished control.

†† Accurately identified what I had done to harm the relationship or the other person and communicated this to
them.

†† Confirmed that my perception of the harm I caused was valid from the other person’s perspective.

†† Blocked automatic rationalization or justification of my behavior.

†† Made a genuine effort to repair the actual damage done.

†† Committed to genuinely work to not harm the person again in a similar manner.

†† Actively took steps to prevent future harm.

†† Forgave myself for having harmed someone or for having made a mistake.

†† Varied my social signaling to match the severity of my transgression.

†† Signaled shame if shame was warranted.

†† Signaled appeasement and regret if shame was partially warranted.

†† Balanced appeasement signals with cooperative-­friendly signals after successfully repairing the transgression, to
communicate openness and willingness to stand by my commitment to not harm again.

Record here other observations or skills used.

G If shame is unwarranted, Go opposite to urges to hide or appease

Place a checkmark in the boxes next to the skill you practiced.

†† Assessed whether I was in a toxic environment and used Flexible Mind SAGE skills to work to improve the
situation, protect myself, or end the relationship.

Record here the specific skills you practiced.

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The Skills Training Manual for RO DBT Radical Openness Worksheet 8.A

†† Signaled confidence. I purposefully stood with my shoulders back, posture straight, and chin up, and I main-
tained eye contact and spoke in a normal tone and volume of speech.

†† Blocked apologizing or appeasing.

†† Balanced signals of dominance (confidence) with signals of nondominance in order to signal openness.

†† Outed myself to a friend about my unwarranted shame in order to identify potential blind spots.

Describe here any other skills you practiced, and the outcomes.

E Show Embarrassment to enhance trust and socially connect.

†† Signaled embarrassment when my transgression involved a violation of a social norm.

†† Remembered that feeling embarrassed is nothing to be embarrassed about.

†† Remembered that people trust and like people who show embarrassment.

†† Revealed my embarrassment rather than hiding it.

†† Practiced showing and loving blushing.

†† Watched how my outing myself and expressing embarrassment impacted relationships.

Record here other observations or skills used.

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