BIS340 – The Aikido Way

Summer A – 2021
Stacey Hopkins

Module 07: Discussion – SAY YES

Explain the elements
A colleague of mine is very prone to “temper tantrums,” including yelling at people, slamming her desk
drawers, typing loudly, slamming her office phone back on the receiver, storming off, and even throwing
her personal mobile phone on her desk when she returns; in fact, she has broken her screen on four
different occasions that I am aware of.

This happens at least once per week, whenever she feels that she does not get her way and has created
a very hostile work environment and creates an environment of hostility and apprehension when she is
in the office.

Observations
I prefaced our conversation by saying that this was for my course; however, it is also a conversation that
is imperative to the cohesiveness of our division. Upon outlining the observations of our colleagues and
myself, the person in question was taken aback by what I had to say.

At first, she was very defensive and said that “I do not do any of that.” I requested that she take a
moment of two and think back over the past few months to see if she can recall any of the behaviors
that I had summarized.

Approximately a few minutes later, she began to cry and said “oh my God, I have done all of that. I am
so sorry for doing all of these things.”

Communication
I remembered from our earlier readings about the positioning of office furniture when having
conversations and how this non-verbal communication method has proven to be very impactful in
putting people at ease.

I have two chairs in front of my desk and so I sat in one and asked her to sit in the other, which seem to
reduce a bit of her animosity towards our impending conversation. I wanted to make sure that we had a
“conversation” not a “confrontation.” During the course of this exercise, I remained poised and
maintained my posture to not give any impressions of superiority or that of a disciplinarian.

Once I began explaining the situation, she sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, and
slumped her shoulders; all signs of aggressive body language. When realization struck her, her posture
transformed from a very defensive nature to one of a submissive one. The tone of her voice also
transformed from one of infuriation to a remorseful one.
Reactions
For the duration of her explanations for her behavior, several things stuck out for me:

1. People always overtalk me in our meetings

2. Everybody thinks that I’m just a dumb kid
3. The account executives don’t respect me, nor listen to me
4. If I tell somebody “No,” then I’m reprimanded for not being a “team player”
5. I just want people to listen to me

I outlined these five things in my own words and she said in a tearful voice, “exactly! I’m so tired of
being unimportant and forced to just accept whatever people say, without any recourse.”

Conclusion
I did tell her that this is a professional environment and those behaviors are not one of a professional
nature. She started to get in a defensive posture again and I immediately said, “BUT, I absolutely see
where you are coming from and have witnessed these behaviors too. I will call a meeting with the rest
of our division and then have private meetings with the department head of Account Services to ensure
that we are all part of the same team and deserve respect, even if it is an answer that we do not want to
hear.” “Does this sound like an acceptable plan to you,” I asked? “Yes,” she said, “that’s all that I’ve
wanted since I started here; to be taken seriously.”

I thanked her profusely for her time and willingness to work with me and reiterated that, albeit this was
for a course, it also involved a prevalent situation that I had been trying to determine the best method
of approach.

Prompt #1: How much time does the average manager or employee
spend each week trying to prevent, manage, or resolve disputes? What is
the salary of each? Multiplied by how many managers or employees?
This situation has been going on for over three years now and I have observed that there have been at
least two meetings, whether formal or informal, each week between myself and a colleague and/or
division head regarding her behavior.

So, with each interaction lasting approximately 30 minutes, twice per week, for say three years, that is
approximately 156 hours of meetings that have been held. Just for round numbers, say that the average
salary is $100,000 per annum, then that equates to $7,500 in lost time just for the meetings.

This does not include the three occasions that I know she has been brought in for meetings with the
division head and Human Resources. I am not aware of the exact nature of these interactions and
therefore I am not including that in the estimate.

Prompt #2: How many conflicts recur because they are never fully
resolved? What are the costs associated with these reoccurrences?
Additionally, the productivity lost due to the frustrations with this person are immeasurable, but if I
were to attempt it:
 1. Employees leaving early due to frustrations over the behavior
a. 1 hour every other week for 3 years
b. 3 employees
c. Average salary $100,000
i. Estimated costs: $3,750
2. Lost productivity
a. 1 hour every other week for 3 years
b. 6 employees
c. Average salary $100,000
d. $7,500
3. Increased expenses over this behavior
a. One vendor has a “tax” for dealing with this employee of $200/occurrence
b. 83 occurrences
c. $16,600

These are just the fiscal costs that I can think of and they equate to $27,850 over a three-year period.

Prompt #3: How might the organization’s success be different if it had

not experienced these conflicts? How might that cost be estimated?
I cannot be sure, but as a project manager she could potentially have cost our division over $100,000 in
business opportunities through her actions. When she was angry and having a “temper tantrum,” work
was delayed and could potentially have damaged our reputation with our customers, thus costing us the
business.

Prompt #4: What are the main messages sent by the organizational
culture regarding conflict? What is their impact on the cost of conflict?
Unfortunately, the culture of our company regarding conflict is to just sweep it under the rug. As Officer
Barbrady from the television show South Park constantly says, “Move along please, there’s nothing to
see here.” This truly seems to be our company mantra, which I feel is truly sad.

I have noticed approximately 20% turnover each year, thus an absolutely astronomical amount of
money that is spend in lost business opportunities, lost customers, and cost of hiring and training new
personnel; just to name a few.

Prompt #5: Have employees been trained in conflict resolution? What

would it cost to do so?
To my knowledge there has been NO training efforts in conflict resolution and this probably stands to
reason why there is such a high turnover rate within our organization as a whole.

I have found an organization in Houston that offers a “Workplace Conflict Resolution – Individual Skill
Development” which trains managers to deal with the conflict amongst employees.

I. Costs:
a. $695/manager
 b. 31 managers
c. 2-day course
d. Average salary $125,000
e. Total cost: $51,352.69
i. Course: $21,545
ii. Salary: $29,807.69

So, in essence for less than half of one of the manager’s annual salary, our company could train the
entire middle management staff in conflict resolution and potentially reduce the massive amount of
turnover and increase productivity through a happier and less confrontational workforce.
Discussion Retort
Matthew,

What do I say to this, but WOW! You truly took this exercise, as well as the entirety of this course to
heart.

That and five years of having the same arguments, repeatedly. What has this truly cost your family?
The animosity, the fights, the lost time that you will never get back with your wife and daughter is
immeasurable.

I am stunned by the simplistic nature of the conversation that you facilitated between your wife and
daughter and am motivated to devise a facilitation between my husband and daughter now. Time is too
precious to be wasted on petty squabbles, especially ones that are basically matters of unearthing the
true nature of the hostility.

Great job and thank you for sharing your wonderful story with me.

Jaimee,

Let me begin by saying, nice resolution. You are definitely mastering the Aikido Way and have taken this
final exercise very seriously. I can especially appreciate how the resolution that you both arrived at has
an entertaining aspect; this seems to bring much needed levity to a situation that was a massive source
of animosity.

My husband has had to take on a great deal more responsibility around the house due to my taking
online courses to obtain my Bachelor’s Degree. Often, he completes the extra work around the home
begrudgingly, but it still gets completed.

There have been a few instances in which he gets upset and says, “seriously, when was the last time you
did this (or that)?” I try to respond in a calm manner, “Honey, do you remember when I asked if you
were prepared for me to complete my degree? Do you recall that I said it would involve you doing more
work, both around the house and with our daughter?” Other times, when he is justified in his
complaint, I will acknowledge that his complaint is justified and will help with whatever chore is needing
completion.

Let’s just be clear though, I will NEVER ask him to dance…he’s so bad that he makes Elaine from Seinfeld
look like a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance.

Congratulations though on reaching an amicable solution and not allowing it to escalate.