Introduction Humility... Hardly a sizzling topic on which to begin our Matthew 18 Community series on relationships! Or is it?

Everything that is glorious, noble, true, and worthy in a relationship, begins from the inside. In actuality, this is the place where God begins...in everything! Now this is equally good and bad from a personal perspective. On the positive side, you can usually pinpoint relational problems to matters of the heart in one or both parties. It is negative because the one area of our lives that is most difficult to change (and which we spend far less time in changing than say, going to the gym or waxing our car) are those issues that have to do with our character. But try we must, and in the area of relationships, humility is actually a powerful virtue! Setting the context In Matthew 18:1-5, Jesus has a little exchange with his disciples about who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Apparently, it matters not how close you are to Jesus. You can still be susceptible to rank pride!) Jesus' response goes right to the heart of the issue, literally. You wanna be great? Humble yourself. This counter-cultural refrain is common with Jesus. You want to lead? You must serve! You want to be first? You must be last! (Luke 22:26). Talk about shattering our pretensions! Pride as a relational killer Matthew 18:1-5 essentially juxtaposes two virtues: pride vs. humility. One is a relational killer, the other is life-transforming. For you see, a prideful person rarely sees their deficiencies. If they are visible he / she does not readily admit them. A prideful person always has to win an argument and often refuses to give / receive forgiveness. Do you know anyone who has had a long-time estrangement with a loved one (father-son, mom-daughter, etc.) or friend simply because one person's pride got in the way of genuine reconciliation? If you want to try an interesting exercise, read 1 Corinthians 13, but substitute the word "pride" for "love" and insert the opposite value (I've included the text below.) Thus, instead of "love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous, etc.", it becomes "pride is not kind, is impatient, is wholly jealous, etc." You get the picture. Pride is mortal to relationships because pride acts contrary to genuine love. "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Humility as a key relational value On the other end of the spectrum is a person who exercises humility in all of their relational connections. They are teachable, open to criticism, quick to listen and forgive, slow to judge. They put others' needs before their own (not in an unhealthy way like those in co-dependent relationships), but rather, recognizing they do not have to win every argument. Their supreme ethic is love.

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This concept of humility extends into our wider social relationships. If we continue with Jesus' object lesson, for example, a child does not easily discriminate unless they have been taught to do so. She will play with the son of the prince just as easily as with the son of a pauper. To form opinions of others based on race, color, religion, orientation, socio-economic status, political affiliation, career choice, culture, accent, country of origin or any other such factor is to lack the exercise of humility. Only a humble spirit can engender the compassion, understanding and genuine concern that is needed to overcome these unjust divisions. In our competitive, survival of the fittest society, where aggressiveness is rewarded, humility would barely seem to stand a chance. But this is because we misunderstand it. You can be humble and still be strong, assertive and confident. Your guiding principle is always relational harmony, always seeking others' interest as well as your own. When you do that, a relationship truly blossoms. Conclusion So there you have it. Humility. If there is one virtue that the Scriptures routinely praise as desirable for people to possess (especially those who would wear the name of Christ!), it is humility. In our connections with other people, this one little, seemingly unimportant trait can mean the difference between relational life and relational death (or life support anyway). For those who want to be a part of the Matthew 18 Community, this is one virtue that definitely needs cultivation. May you experience Shalom in all of your personal connections! "A mans pride will bring him low, But a humble spirit will obtain honor." (Prov. 29:23)

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