Gunfight

at McGriddles
Sunday, 4 November 2018 12:32 am

McGriddles station in the hunter valley about

1820 give or take a decade.

As the dawn rises and the unforgiving heat once

more makes breakfast under the fruit trees a
viable possibility ,the forces of good and evil “ or
eval “ start to converge on this outpost of empire
in the antipodes.

McGriddle had notified the local mounted police

contingent about worrisome native raids and sgt
Stallone had promised to send someone round to
take a statement. McGriddles light industrial
blacksmith team are out early doing what
blacksmiths do best in the morning ; banging
heavy hammers on anvils and making lots of
noise. Two contingents of women and children are
out in the orchard doing orcharding things. The
farming lads are out hoeing and shovelling in the
north 40 paddock.

McGriddle starts his rounds on his fine new steed

leaving mrs McGriddle to work out how to use the
shiny new Brown Bess musket he gave her for her
birthday. The birds are singing, the sun is shining
and the livestock are livestocking.

The idyllic scene is viewed with some trepidation

by one of the local desperados, black bob, his
offside Steve and their gang of toughs. Pistol
armed and all dead shots they need supplies and
horses to make good their plans to become the
dominant force in local law unenforcement.
Usually raiding homesteads is like biting the
hand that feeds you….but McGriddle is a bit of a
git so bob doesn’t have too many qualms.

He does draw the line at monstering and

harming women and children ; there may not be
many rules to being a bush ranger in Australia,
but there are standards.

Bob crests a small rise and points out the cattle

his gang should have a go at “ the big things
with horns” he explains.

Steve also points out that they could use a

wagon.

Unbeknown to bob and his cronies sgt

Stallone and his tiny but tigerish troop of
mounted police are making their way to
McGriddles. They have been tracking black
bob and his gang for several weeks. They
figure to answer McGriddles call for
assistance to prevent native attacks then see
if they can track down bob.

Mounted on fine government steeds, armed

with carbines and sabres, they are a fine
looking example of active community
policing.

McGriddle spies the tell tale signs of imminent

native unrest ; really big spear points and lots of
very dark coloured blokes descending the hill
into the cattle pastures. In the other direction he
also spies Stallone and his troop riding out of the
sunrise.

In a fit of managerial imperium he directs mrs

McGriddle to rally the non combatants in the
homestead, yells to the smithies to ready
themselves, and gallops toward the oncoming
representatives of law and order.

Meanwhile Local war leader ngambi and his

trusted warrior little jemmy lead two
warrior bands in a retributive strike on
McGriddles place. McGriddle has shot and
killed several tribe members recently and is
rumoured to also have molested several
women.

The plan is to eliminate McGriddle if

possible and to cause much damage.

Moving quickly they begin the process of cow

punching

In response to McGriddles yelled warnings the

brave smithies remove themselves to the inside
of the smith store room. McGriddle meanwhile
sprints toward the troopers who are considering
taking some of the jumbucks into protective
custody. Tucker bags at the ready they look
around for someone suitably tuneful to turn this
into a hit song.

Mrs McGriddle gathers her household and

starts the process of getting them all inside.
The smithies start to consider barricading the
doors and windows while wondering how they
got the horse through the door.

Following the obvious rustling theme bob, Steve

and the gang start to surround next months dinner.
The plan is to drive the cattle off and round them
up later..

Meanwhile out in the paddocks the farming

gang continue farming; oblivious to the
world changing events unfolding at the
front of the homestead.

Bob and Steve start to kick the wheels of the

wagons looking for a suitable model to nick. The
gang meanwhile are still rounding up cows.

It soon dawns on bob that possible using some of

the cattle to pull the wagons may have been a
good option. Bob and Steve discuss options for
stealing really heavy wooden wagons with out a
good means of locomotion.

A view showing the place where sheep may

safely graze. Stallone sends his troop toward
the last known location of the natives and
opts to try a wide outflanking move…….on his
own.

Meanwhile over at the homestead mrs

McGriddle is wondering where all the furniture
has gone.

She positions the women and children around

the inside perimeter and takes her position on
the side porch ; musket armed and ready.

The situation pre contact. Essentially cows have

taken the brunt of the attack thus far. However
in a few short moments the idyllic peace will be
shattered and a new menace will be unleashed
on the Australian landscape; mrs McGriddle rests
her new musket on the railing and lines up the
group of warriors currently trying to take out one
of her best cows.

The world will never be the same again ; at least

not for the cow concerned.

Riding back toward the action having taken

charge of the mounted police McGriddle orders
his smithies forward to assist in the native
harrying.

Stallone rides toward the carriage house to see

bob and Steve nonchalantly inspecting potential
transport. He kicks his horse into action and
speeds toward a glorious arrest.

Meanwhile the farming gang having seen the

oncoming natives through the line of gums ,
rush forward in what they think is a militaristic
fashion. Armed with picks, shovels and a mule
they have no idea what is happening
elsewhere, but can spot a good narrative
opportunity when they see one.

The black smith leads down the path, around the

carriage and straight into the group of
unsuspected bushrangers trying to drag one of
the cattle away. With a cry of ‘Into ‘em lads’ the
beefy blacksmith surges forward, lump hummer
swinging madly.

The toughs respond with a close range volley of

pistol fire and battle is joined.

Meanwhile mrs McGriddle is sending round after

round of poorly aimed .75 calibre musket
ammunition in the (very) general, direction of the
natives. Hold this picture in your head because she
keeps this up for the rest of the morning ; hitting
absolutely nothing.

While the first warrior group steal themselves for

an assault on the farmers, little jemmy the famed
hero has made it his business to burn the barn.
He begins the long process of rubbing two dry
sticks together but to no avail. Over the next few
turns he resorts to rubbing two pieces of dry wit
together with even less success.

Warrior group two dispose of another bovine

victim and start to make threatening noises in the
direction of the homestead. They are met with
periodic gunfire from mrs McGriddle.

McGriddle orders the mounted police into a firing

line and they become the dismounted police….giving
up whatever advantage being atop a bloody big
horse was going to bring.

McGriddle reasons that it’s easier to use a police

carbine dismounted………given he has a musket and
has never loosed off anything from horseback in his
life other than pointed invective, it’s hard to tell if he
knows what he’s doing. The now dismounted
constables bag a couple of natives on the other side
of the vegie patch and are somewhat startled to see
the blacksmith fleeing across their front.

The blacksmith is the sole survivor from the carriage

house encounter and is hotfooting it in the direction
of away. Unfortunately he has moved into the less
that safe target area of mrs McGriddle.

On the other side of the homestead, little jemmy has

waved his warrior group forward and the sound of
shovel and pick and spear clashing on wooden
shields rings out over the fields.

In a formidable display of rural Elan

the natives take 4 hits but brilliant
shield use saves 2 warriors from a
bad rap when the others get home.
The farmers on the other hand find
that a shovel is not as good at
feeding off a spear thrust and 3 men
go down under the skillful art of the
warriors. The farmers retreat back to
the fields edge.

The scene near the carriage shed. Mrs McGriddle is

still blazing away from the side porch. Mr
McGriddle is organising his firing line, the
blacksmith is dodging musket balls, the toughs are
licking their wounds after dusting off the smithies,
and bob and Steve are trying unsuccessfully to
subdue Stallone.

Taking matters into their own hands the police

troopers realise that mrs McGriddle can deal with
the natives ; the bushrangers are the bigger threat.
They obviously haven’t talked to the farmers who
are presently being speared into bloody pieces by
the totally non threatening native warriors.

The police surge through the fruit trees waving their

sabres threateningly. The two remaining toughs
assume that “stand !” Means stand inside. So they
rush into the carriage building to gain some
semblance of cover. It’s does them no good as they
are mercilessly hacked to bits by the sabre wielding
police.

Despite taking two police with them there is only

one end.

Steve takes time off from using Stallone for target

practice and fires his pistol through the rear
window grating. Given his inability to dispose of
Stallone in the open , no one is more surprised
than he when one of the troopers falls mortally
wounded to the ground.

Stallone is getting the worst of the encounter and

totally failing to lay a musket ball on bob and Steve.

He calculates the odds of trying to take one of

them on in close combat as only marginally better
than becoming the next governor. He has a horse
but bobs in the wagon cover….they are both dead
shots with a brace of pistols. His Sabre might give
him the edge (so to speak) but he is none too
confident. He is also none too accurate with his
shooting.

To get out of the path of mrs McGriddle the

second warrior band take out another cow.

Not to be outdone in the kudos stakes, warrior

band 1 charges back through the trees and once
more into contact with the stunned farmers.

Ngambi however has managed to sneak

up to the wall of the carriage house and
attempts to set it afire. Ignoring the yelps
of pain from his erstwhile allies he totally
fails in basic combustion starting 101.

Deciding that leadership is more his style

he retires towards his warriors.

Bob leaves Steve to dusting up Stallone and

attempts to finish off the wallopers by firing his
brace of pistols from the cover of the Wagon. In
a fit of over eager daring do the two constables
throw themselves at bob…seduced no doubt by
the astronomical reward money on offer.

Bob takes one out with a Point blank pistol to

the head then smashes the living daylights out
of the second unfortunate ( black joker to red
2…..and it really doesn’t get much worse than
that). Reloading swiftly (he names all his pistols)
he returns to blazing away at Stallone.

Sensing more mana than they can possibly handle

warrior band 2 surround the poor unfortunate
blacksmith and spear him to death….a lot.

McGriddle races to his aid but thinks better of the

action. He stops to fire and realises that he is almost
as bad a shot as his wife.

The result in warriors 1 v farmers in the north

paddock is decided without going to penalties. The
triumphant warriors claim outright ownership of a
somewhat bemused mule.

Mrs McGriddle continues to blaze away and

continues to hit nothing.

Bob and Steve realise they May have to rethink the

gang of toughs strategy…….possibly by recruiting
some tougher toughs.

The persistent pistol shooting eventually drives

Stallone away.

Seeing an opportunity to ride into glory and

infamy Stallone heads out of pistol range where
he knows there are no people. Badly wounded
he is still in better shape than his troopers as
they are all hors de combat. He hasn’t seen
them for a while but apart from the odd musket
blast from the homestead….it’s gone awfully
quiet over there.

McGriddle decides that as discretion is the

better part of valour, so too is coward ness the
better part of discretion. Following by the
screaming warriors he sprints across the
garden toward the (possible) protection of mrs
McGriddle and her musket.

The first warrior group wonder what they

should do with the mule.

Little jemmy finally gets a flame going on the

barn wall and sounds the recall to his troops.

Ngambi and Stallone fight a brief and ultimately

useless encounter before ngambi rejoins his
warband for the march home.

So loaded down with mana they can hardly walk,

the natives retire having sustained some wounds
but achieving everything except the death of
McGriddle.

Stallone however, bleeding profusely from injuries

that have reduced him to 1 wound realises the
homestead looks like the only refuge in town.

Joining the McGriddles on the porch he watches in

horror as bob and Steve make off with more horses
than they know what to do with.

As the dust slowly settles over the scene of

carnage Stallone wonders how he is going to
write up the loss of an entire mounted troop
and all the horses …….McGriddle ponders the
loss of both his agricultural capacity and his light
industrial strength.

He also realises that next birthday he is either

going to buy his wife some new pots and pans or
some shooting lessons. While watching tensely
the bushrangers equine overdosed
withdrawal…Stallone and the McGriddles
ponder why the unarmed but still numerous
household staff just sat around in the
homestead. Events demonstrated that they
probably had a greater chance of stopping
either the native raid or the cattle thefts than
mrs McGriddle had of stopping anything at all..