A clingy friend - is it time to move on?

My friend is driving me crazy. We have been friends since grade school, mostly
because our dads work together and because we go to the same church. We are in
junior high school now and she is a really clinging to me. I want to hang around
with my new friends but every time I turn around there she is! She is a bit of a
dweeb and doesn't fit in with my new group. I'm afraid she's going to ruin my
chance to get in with the "in" crowd. She has spent the whole summer glued to my
side. How can I unstick her before we go back to school?

Ouch! This one hurts for so many reasons. First, let me tell you that you are in a
very common place. As we grow up we change and as this happens we often drift away
from old friends. It is a normal part of life. For the most part, friendships drift
apart so slowly that the break is virtually painless. These old friendships are
replaced by fond memories of closer times and polite smiles as you pass each other
in the halls at school. But sometimes the break is not so easy. If one friend is
ready for a change in their life when the others not, the end result can be
resentment and hurt feelings. I suspect this is what is happening to you.

You are ready to take on new friendships and feel as if your old friend is holding
you back. In part you may be right, but allowing yourself to see your friend as a
"pain" is not going to make things better. In fact, taking a sour view of a once
sweet friendship can make things worse for everyone involved. When the dynamics of
a friendhip start to change it is all too easy to find fault in your old friend's
personality. More often than not there is nothing wrong with the friend, the
problem is with the friendship. Friendships change, evolve, and grow cold. It is a
fact of life. It is one of the hardest facts of life to accept. In dealing with the
changing dynamics of a friendship, people often make the mistake of seeing only
negative things and forgetting all the positive things that made the friendship
work in the past.

Your opinion of your friends seems to be tainted by what you feel is her
"clinginess". I say "tainted" because it is unlikely you stayed friends with
somebody "since grade school" if they annoyed you or if you didn't have something
in common other than family ties. You are looking for new adventures, and your
quest is leaving her behind, but that doesn't mean that she is suddenly "not good
enough" for you. Before writing off years of friendship, make sure that the two of
you really are going in different directions, socially speaking. Be sure that you
are not adopting a new opinion of an old friend based on what the people you want
"to be in with" think of her. This not only shows a lack of respect for your
friend, it shows a lack of respect for yourself and your ability to choose
companions. Before beginning a "friendship separation" make sure you are in it for
the right reasons.

That said, if you are sure that you and your friend have really grown in different
directions, the only way to keep things civil between you is by talking to her
before your resentment deepens. Tell her you still value her and that since your
father's work together and you attend the same church you will always stay in
touch, then let her know you are looking to broaden your circle of friends. Be
honest and tell her that it seems the two of you no longer share the same interests
and that you think it would be a good idea if you each pursued new interests alone.
Do not end the friendship completely and make your friend understand that you still
intend to find time for her. Then stick by your word and still talk to her on the
phone, make "dates" to see her, and hang with her at school. Just do these things
less frequently. Encourage her to make new friends of her own or help her connect
with other people in your new group with whom she may have more in common.

As you and she move on in your lives, never break the golden rule of friendship. No
matter how "uncool" your new friends may think she is, never, ever, turned on her
for the sake of popularity. Turning on an old friend almost always ends in regret,
no matter what the short term social gains may be. It is never worth throwing away
a childhood friendship just because she may not be as col as you wish you were. The
memories you and she share can't be erased by a few awkward years; it is best not
to turn her into an enemy. Today's "geek girl" is tomorrow's "chic girl". We all
bloom at different rates, and good looks are no real price and definitely are not
an accurate measure of a persons worth. Good friendships are hard to come by and
should never be lightly dismissed.