Surviving The Covert Narcissist - The Devil You Know

SURVIVING
THE
COVERT
NARCISSIST
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
REVISED EDITION
SURVIVING
THE
COVERT
NARCISSIST
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
ONE OF THE MOST TOXIC THINGS I'VE
EVER DONE WAS IGNORE THE BAD IN
SOMEONE BECAUSE I WANTED TO KEEP
THEM IN MY LIFE ............. BUT NEVER
AGAIN
ALL I KNOW ABOUT HER UNTIL NOW,SHE

CAN'T BE TRUSTED . SHE SHOWS A
DIFFERENT FACE TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE
AND NOBODY KNOWS WHICH IS THE REAL
ONE
REVISED EDITION
Copyright © 2022 by BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the UK
These are my memories, from my

perspective, and I have tried to
represent events as faithfully as
possible.

To maintain the anonymity of the

individuals involved, some names
have not been mentioned in full .

S U R V I
V I N G
THE
COVERT
NARCISSIST
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
CONTENTS
1
INTRODUCTION
2
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
3
RUMOURS AND FINDING MY WAY
4
GETTING CLOSER ..... TO THE DEVIL
5
RED FLAGS
6
TRUTH AND LIES
7
EXPOSURE
8
REVENGE
9
A NEW SUPPLY
10
LOVE BOMBING
11
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
12
LIES AND DECEPTION
13
N.P.D
14

MY COMFORTABLE MISERY
15
IDENTITY REVEALED
16
MONSTERS
17
TRIANGULATION
18
UNDERSTANDING
19
QUOTES N STUFF
20
MISTAKES AND ENTANGLEMENTS
21
SIGNS
22
CHARACTERISTICS
23
JOINING THE DOTS
24
MELTDOWNS
25
PSEUDOLOGIST
26
CONFRONTATION
27
APOLOGIES
28
DELUSIONAL
29
ACCOUNTABILITY
30
TRAITS AND TRUTH
31
FOREWARNINGS
32
SUSPICIONS
33
QUOTES N STUFF PART 2
34
MANIPULATIONS
35
DEFENCE AND ATTACK
36
RELATIONSHIPS
37
MIND GAMES
38
COVERT OPERATION
39
MODUS OPERANDI
40
THE AUNT
41
THE MASK
42
BUS LIES
43
THE TRUTH
44
I'M OUT
45
EPILOGUE
SURVIVING
THE
COVERT
NARCISSIST
" WHEN THE DEVIL

CAN'T REACH YOU
HE SENDS A
NARCISSIST "
EVERYTHING CONTAINED INSIDE THIS BOOK
IS 100 % ACCURATE , I DON'T GET ANY JOY IN
WRITING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES OVER THE
LAST FEW YEARS BUT IT'S ONLY RIGHT THAT I
SHARE THIS JOURNEY I'M CONTINUING TO
TRAVEL .
MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES WERE CONSIDERED
TABOO ESPECIALLY AMONGST MEN AND WERE
RARELY TALKED ABOUT , BUT RECENTLY
MORE MEN HAVE DECIDED TO TALK ABOUT
THERE STRUGGLES ..... ME INCLUDED .
THIS IS MAINLY A STORY ABOUT HOW MY
WHOLE WORLD CHANGED AFTER BEING
INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN WHO NOT ONLY
USED ME BUT MULTIPLE MEN IN HER LIFE AT
THE SAME TIME .......... AND SHOWED NO
REGRET EVEN WHEN SHE GOT CAUGHT.
FIRST WRITTEN IN THE UK 2022

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
INTRODUCTION
This is not a self help book My relationship with her

although it may contain consisted of lies and deception
some information that you which involved multiple
can relate to . I'm by no partners ( me included ) that
means an author of any kind were there to provide her with
and my first attempt in the attention and needs she
writing part of this story craved no matter who she hurt .
down was to try and expose a This is just some excerpts of my
woman who portrayed life with her which contains
herself as somebody who she statements from other people
wasn't . who were also manipulated by
Being involved with her and her .
the aftermath of all her lies
have impacted my life
greatly over the last few If I thought for one second she
years , I went from had regretted anything she had
somebody who integrated done I wouldn't be writing this
well socially to somebody ...... I think the only thing she
who does all he can to avoid regretted is that she got caught.
people ...... And this includes
my family.
02 BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
CHAPTER TWO
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Remember we all deal with People are quick to judge you

things in different ways and without knowing the full story of
there is no formula or rule what you have experienced and
book set out in how to cope it's this lack of empathy especially
with the bad times we face amongst the people closest to you
...... So be kind always , that upsets me the most ........ So
because you never know be mindful.
what that person is going
through and is still going
through.
Even the strongest souls lose
their way sometimes yet hide
it behind a smile , but these
souls need people around
them to but they still put
their own troubles
temporary on hold in order
to help others if they can .....
EVERYBODY HAS A STORY AND IT NOT ALWAYS A

HAPPY ENDING
To everyone who has taken the time to check up on me

your kindness has not been unoticed and you have helped
me more than you could ever imagine ...... And for that I will
be eternally grateful .
CHAPTER THREE
RUMOURS AND
FINDING MY WAY
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
RUMOURS AND FINDING MY
WAY
I've heard and read about Everybody is looking for the " ONE
this term " NARCISSIST " " and sometimes they come into
throughout my life but was your life when you least expect it
never too sure what the word and probably at a time when you
meant until now. It's been are most vulnerable emotionally.
over 2 years of dealing with She did come into my life , she was
the aftermath of my alot different then the other girls I
involvement with a had met before and we clicked
narcissistic woman or to be almost instantly at first .
more specific a " COVERT
NARCISSIST ", and it's
probably taken me this long
to understand how their
mind works and ultimately
their hidden agendas. But the thing was I had doubt about
her I had heard a few rumours
about her especially in the way she
treated other people and at times I
was told to be careful...... She may
not be what she seems. Maybe I
needed to find out about her
myself, sometimes rumours can be
spread so easily and 90% of the
time it's all bullshit. I remember
going out for a drink one time with
a few friends and one of the guys
knew her quite well he was actually
mentioned in one of the main
rumours .
WAY
He told me as soon as he had I was getting closer to her

revealed his feelings towards everyday and we had become
her she called everything off. very close friends but i think that
This was one of the main even at the early stages both of us
rumours that I heard about probably knew it wouldn't just be
her ....... I did ask her about a relationship to stay at friendship
her involvement with him ....... I was falling for her but I still
had my doubts , so I decided to
and she told me nothing had
ask a few people ( who had knew
happened and they were just
her longer then me ) more about
friends and had just had a
her to and that included her past
falling out that's all . Maybe
relationships .
that guy had exaggerated I remember always seeing her and
things , she looked very that other guy together and just
convincing when I asked her assumed they were just good
and seemed genuine almost friends . It was quite funny at one
looking upset because he had point the term " love sick puppy "
lied..... For some reason I always sprung to mind when I saw
believed her . She did say him next to her
they were just good friends
and nothing had ever
happened between them and
they had just had a falling
out that's all .
WAY
He was always waiting for It was strange but we got on really

her at the end of the shift well , she was alot younger than me
and they occasionally came and was also from Lithuania but we
into work together .. there still clicked ..... I liked being in her
was definitely something company ( which was very much
going on at the beginning. work related at first ) surely this
After that fall out with that couldn't be the girl that many of
guy it was through I had my friends had warned me about ?
taken his place now I was the When I first started this job it took
one around her alot now but me awhile to integrate with
it was different ,I found the anybody at first but then I became
more time i was in her more comfortable there and made
company ( as friends) the friends very easily ..... I felt safe and
more I got to know about her happy there and it actually didn't
..... I even found myself take me too long to get promoted
defending her at times saying to a supervisor which was daunting
" She's nothing like you at first because I knew I would have
portray her to be , just give to communicate with more people.
her a chance and get to know
her.
WAY
It was difficult at first I used to message her when I was

because i hardly knew out with my friends telling her she
anyone and I'm sure some should be here with us and it will
people resented me for give her a chance to get to know
gaining that position after a people and even change there
short while of working there , opinion on you ..... But she always
but deep down I'm very declined the invite , she told me
much a people person and I that not many people liked her ... I
made it my mission to win always found that hard to believe
them over. I felt happy there but later on i would find out why .
and sometimes when i was
working I didn't see it as a job
maybe because i got on so
well with the people I had
met which even progressed
to social gatherings after
work.
CHAPTER FOUR
GETTING CLOSER .....

TO THE DEVIL
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
The more time i was

I was getting closer to her
spending with her the closer i
everyday and we had
was getting , she had told me
become very close
about her parents dying at
friends but i think that
her early age and how she
even at the early stages
had struggled with things in
and both of us probably
Lithuania and then opted to
knew it wouldn't just be a
start a new life in the U.K .......
relationship to stay as
I admired anyone who
friendship ....... I was
wanted to come to another
falling for her but I still
country to better themselves
had my doubts , so I
and that was one of the many
decided to ask a few
qualities i loved about her ,
people ( who had knew
but some things didn't add
her longer then me )
up about her and this was the
more about her and that
beginning of her true self
included her past
coming out .
relationships .
I was talking to one of my

bosses about her just to
try and get an insight into
what kind of person she
was and my boss told me
some interesting things
about her ..........
When she had joined that I wanted to spend more

company it was with her time with and not make it
boyfriend at the time and just work related and this
apparently he was very is where the problems
controlling and didn't treat her started she denied
that great from what people had anything had ever gone
observed and also not many on with that other guy I
people liked her at first especially knew who would later
other girls it was as if she felt become a friend and she
inferior to them .... She would also told me her previous
later mention this on numerous relationship had ended
occasions that she didn't see plus I had been single for
herself as being attractive awhile and wasn't looking
compared to the other girls to get involved with
around her. It was strange but she anyone at that time .......
would bring this up on many But we were getting
occasions where she would put closer and we both felt an
her self down especially in how attraction probably
she looks and was maybe looking deeper then we both
for some sort of reassurance in envisaged i hadn't felt
her appearance ...... She was an like this in a long time
attractive girl but she had some and I knew deep down I
serious issues in how she looked was falling for her in a
and she would always let you big way ....... But I didn't
know about her insecurities it was want to tell her how I felt
as if she was angling for some , maybe she didn't feel
compliment and this happened the same and if i did
on many occasions with me . reveal my true feelings
we could never be just
friends again.
My whole life at that time revolved around her, if

she was on the morning shift I would wake up
early so I could meet her and go to work with her
so I could see her , it was only for an hour but I
had become hooked on her and wanted her to be
the first person I spoke to at the beginning of the
day ........ I would be on the later shift but i was
drawn to her she was the last thing on my mind at
night and the first thing on my mind in the
morning . It wasn't long before i revealed my true
feelings for her and she then told me she had felt
the same but was afraid to tell me incase I didn't
feel the same ...... At that moment in time I
couldn't of been happier but little did I know I
had fallen for the devil .
CHAPTER FIVE
RED FLAGS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
RED FLAGS
Some things were not beginning to add up with her and i was starting to
have doubts who this person really was. She used to spend weekends away
with her " AUNT " or even visiting her relatives that she had in the U.K , I
was fine with this because the way I saw things she didn't have any parents
so it must of been difficult for her especially being the UK and living in a
shared house. I never stopped her from going anywhere she wanted to go
and because i loved her i trusted her but somebody pointed out
something to me about her posts on FACEBOOK and there seemed to be
a familiar pattern emerging.
I was also friends with her on FACEBOOK but I hadn't noticed

this before but every time she posted pictures of her weekends
away it was always the same style of pose on every picture , it
would just be her by herself standing against something or with
her posing from a distance ....... This was in every picture . I didn't
see one picture posted of her with any relative not ONE !!! this is
when it hit me ....... Maybe she's going away with another guy ? I
know what I needed to do I had to bring the subject up to see her
reaction.
One thing I had noticed about her while I was with her , is she
became very angry if she thought somebody was talking about
her behind her back and she was very jealous of me talking to
other girls who were just my friends I always had to reassure her
that I was with her and didn't want anybody else. When i did ask
her about the FACEBOOK posts she had what I would describe as
a " MELTDOWN " and she became very defensive and the
excuses began to come out of her mouth . I was accused of not
trusting her , her relatives didn't like their photos being taken,
that was a few of the excuses I got but it even got worse than that
at one stage when she went away with her " AUNT " I still
remember to this day what happened , she sent me a message
with a picture of a book in her hand and her sitting in her "
AUNT'S" car .
RED FLAGS
I decided to test her out , I asked her to take a photo of her aunt driving , I
received nothing and I didn't hear back from her till later that night ....... I
was given the silent treatment. When ever I questioned her for it always
ended up in an argument always with her telling me she isn't perfect and
maybe i should find another girl who knows how to be in a proper
relationship......... she always played the victim card.
It wasn't all bad with her at the beginning , so for the sake of an
argument I didn't raise any issues i had with her Maybe she didn't
have experience of being in a proper relationship , maybe I
needed to be more patient with her . The thing was she knew how
to push my buttons . But that's what happens when you love
someone, you love them faults and all , I wasn't looking for
perfect because that's impossible to find I told her this countless
times ...... I didn't want perfect !
But looking back now she knew how to emotionally manipulate

me and back then all I could see was somebody with still good
inside them I was looking back at some of the conversations we
first had via WhatsApp when she told me she wanted a baby , she
wanted to get married at some point ......... And I was the best
thing that had ever happened to her. She knew exactly what to
say to me especially if I doubted her
We were spending alot of time together especially around my

house and I had even introduced her to my mum and dad ... and
they took to her straight away and for awhile everything was
going fine between us . I was happy, she had come into my life
when I thought I didn't need anyone and at that point in time my
world revolved around her
RED FLAGS
My friends were still telling me to be careful but I told them to give her a
chance she has changed and she had she was alot nicer then people had
remembered. Looking back I'm positive it was just an act , maybe she
knew she had to integrate more with people especially if she wanted to
forward her career...... Even when things were going fine between us she
would never miss an opportunity to cause an argument , she would pride
herself on telling me that guys we both know had complimented her ... i
think she enjoyed getting a response out of me . And it was so much better
for her when the other guy involved was one of the guys I was friendly
with.
CHAPTER SIX
TRUTH AND LIES
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
TRUTH AND LIES
When i first attempted to write everything down about her i done it in a

word document with an intention of sending it to as many people as we
mutually knew ...... But I eventually sent it to only a few people . Maybe
my first aim was to scare her and I didn't really have any intention of
mass circulating it ...... I did actually tell her what I was going do and she
tried everything she could to make me change my mind . I remember
when I was asking her questions about when we first got together if she
was single at the time like she said , this is the conversation we had below.
You can see how she wouldn't even answer the question at first
and started to make up stories about her having no money , no
job and nobody to talk to in order for me to go more easier on
her ...... She was very clever at this . She had money and had also
set herself up with another job and place to live in Peterborough ,
so everything she said here was a lie . She knows how to
manipulate people to use their kindness for weakness and she will
exploit this for her own gains , even reading the extract from the
conversation above her " act " of being in a vunerable state soon
turned to one of aggression where her only concern is what I
would do with the information once she admitted the truth ....
Which looking back now she had concealed from the start and
during our relationship.
TRUTH AND LIES
Narcissists frequently tell you the truth when they need something from
you or when they are in the midst of an emotional outburst. It’s easy to
dismiss it as just something they said in the heat of the moment, but if
you listen carefully, you will hear the truth they’re trying to tell you.
Like most people, narcissists often do things without really thinking about
why they are doing them. But regardless of what is motivating the
narcissist, the one thing that remains constant for them is that they are
focused on themselves.
Narcissists often also thrive in ‘opposite land.’ They will often tell you the
exact opposite of what they are really doing. This can be a tricky one to
detect, but there are some telltale signs that indicate this is what they’re
doing.
The first clue is that they will give you the information in a very calm
way. They don’t want to arouse your suspicion that they are lying so they
avoid exaggerated emotions. You’ll also notice that they bring up the topic
at an odd time or place.
Narcissists or sociopaths have no empathy. They are focused on

themselves in anything they do. So when they are lying there is no regard
for the person they are lying to or lying about. All that matters is that they
get their own needs met.
Narcissists are lacking whole object relations. This means to them

everything and everyone is either black or white. People are either good
or bad. In their mind, a person cannot be a good person and make a
mistake or do something wrong. Since they see themselves as eternally
good, they can’t admit to ever doing anything that would be considered
wrongful.
According to a report, Donald Trump has lied over 10.000 times. Many
times his lies were easily uncovered as it is all recorded. However, when
confronted he doesn’t apologise, but attacks the media, says it was
misremembered or his words were taken out of context.
CHAPTER SEVEN
EXPOSURE
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
EXPOSURE
If you expose an narcissist ,it's important to be prepared for their backlash

.... as I would later find out . In their eyes they won't accept blame for
anything they did and the word " SORRY" is just used because it's what
you want to hear it from them ...... they don't mean it at all . Even when
the truth about them has come out they will resort to lies , contradictions
and even rewrite history that you shared together....... They will
manipulate you at all costs . That other guy she had got involved with was
also becoming suspicious of her behaviour and vast majority of
conversations he had shared with her mirrored exactly what she had said
to me when we first got together ........ It was a familiar pattern and
probably one she has used throughout her life . He told me that she had to
go away for a few days to visit her infamous "AUNT" so he was going to be
running there department while she was away , this is when he discovered
something on her work email that she hadn't deleted properly. It was an
email with another guys name on it but with the same address as the one
she lives at ...... It wasn't too difficult to work out it seemed that she was
living with another guy all this time .
Everything thing was kind of making sense now even when I looked back
at the time spent with her ....... Something's just never added up with her .
When we spent time together she would always leave at a certain time
especially if it was at night and it was always the same excuse ..... AUNT or
COUSIN etc , that other guy suffered the same behaviour patterns it
seemed there was at least 3 of us in her life at that stage ....... Maybe there
was even more who knows. I remember when she was away at Liverpool
for Christmas and texted me on the 23rd of DECEMBER and sent a
picture of herself in her PJ's, it was only later when I was talking to that
other guy he told me he had bought them PJ'S for her ...... It was also the
same day when she had lied to that other guy saying she might be
pregnant with his baby and then disappeared to Liverpool with her long
term boyfriend. That guy even told me that he was at his lowest when she
told him about the pregnancy , he even contemplated suicide on new
years eve he was trying to contact her but like usual she was busy with her
" COUSIN " so she couldn't respond to him ........she even sent me a new
years text ....... I didn't reply .
EXPOSURE
it was on new years eve I decided to go no contact with her , it didn't seem
to phaze her at all because I found out later from that other guy that she
had told him that I had decided we can't stay as " JUST FRIENDS "
anymore. She was clever like that and knew exactly how to manipulate the
situation for her own good ......... Truth be told I had enough of this
situation I didn't believe a thing she said anymore . Even when I asked her
if anything was going on between her and that other guy she denied
everything this was when she told me her bus was late for her to get to
work so can she get a life with that other guy ....... Even when we were on
the bus in the morning going home she would get off before me to walk
the rest of the way , i found out later she was secretly meeting him in the
morning and having sex with him in his car and this was before she had
set her plan in action of bringing him back to work.
CHAPTER EIGHT
REVENGE
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
REVENGE
REVENGE ..... A word I'm very familiar with but never would I have
thought I would of associated it with someone I had loved . She had hurt
me and it ultimately changed me but not for the better. I was hell bent on
revenge I wanted her to suffer at least a small part of pain I was feeling. It
had consumed me totally , and I was caught up in my plan for revenge
against a person who didn't see an issue with the way she had lived her life
. I found myself questioning my motives , maybe inflicting pain on her
was easier then feeling and working through my own pain . Maybe I
would be no better then her , behaving in the same way she has probably
done through out her own life and gotten away with it. They cause pain
on others because they are unable psychologically face their own pain (
mostly in the form of shame )
THE SADDEST THING ABOUT

BETRAYAL IS THAT IT NEVER COMES
FROM YOUR ENEMIES.
When i first found out everything which was with the help of another guy
she had got involved with ( this will be in more detail in another chapter)
I wanted to expose her to as many people as possible so I wrote down my
story in a document which I was going to circulate it to every mutual
friend and acquaintance we had . While checking through past
conversations we had on WhatsApp and even FACEBOOK messenger I
then noticed she had mysteriously disappeared from FAC or so i had
thought ...... I later found out she had deleted me and most of our mutual
friends on her account especially the ones I was closest to ........ She was
starting to panic now , she was doing all she could to limit the spread of
this document. I don't think I was cut out for this revenge plan because I
even pre warned her what I was going to do. My head was a mess and it
also had a serious impact on my physical health aswell as I'm type 2
diabetic i was becoming very ill due to me not getting my prescription
when my medication had run out . We all go through experiences in our
life's which can either make us or break us .......this one was breaking me
..........
CHAPTER NINE
A NEW SUPPLY
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
A NEW SUPPLY
How many lies does one person keep telling before people get it ........ she's
a liar , she's a manipulator, she's an actress in a film she directs and stars in
The supporting actors always change but the script always stays the same I
remember when she told me that a guy I knew was starting on night shift
soon , as soon as she mentioned his name I knew someone was going on
between them........... and this girl was always telling me she loves me
literally every day. When she said his name she laughed , I still remember
those words she said . SOMEBODY'S COMING BACK AND YOU'RE NOT
GONNA LIKE IT "
This was the same guy who I accused of making a move on her when he
first worked here that even called an argument apparently I was in the
wrong for putting him straight about me and her ....... He was engaged
anyway and seemed to try and flirt with most of the girls there anyway ,
all of them had knocked him back . She even defended him and denied he
wasn't really flirting but I could see the way they interacted together and
she made sure it was Infront of me that first time he worked . Things were
uncomfortable for awhile at work with him there , he basically kept his
distance and not long after he left .
I found out later she was still in contact with him maybe getting him
ready to take my place when I had enough of her lies . When he came
back I knew instantly something was going on I could just tell , he kept his
distance and I heard from him later that he wanted to make peace with
me but she told him to keep away from me because he doesn't like you
...... She was clever she kept us apart for a reason because all the while she
was telling me she loves me she had been seeing him on the quiet for the
last few months . I hadn't been giving her much attention so it was
understandable she needed attention elsewhere ....... She was making plans
for her new supply.
A NEW SUPPLY
He would later share some emails they had sent each other while she was
at work before he had started , she even laid down the ground rules for
him when he did start work . She told him to act as though nothing is
going on between them as she doesn't like people gossiping about her ,
plus don't do anything to arouse suspicion especially in front of me as I'm
her EX after all . I found from Jim that she had said that me and her were
just friends now , a friend that up until the last year of everything she was
telling me she loved me everyday day !!!!! at this point in her life she was
now attending UNIVERSITY so with the night shift we was working it
didn't give us that much time together. I knew she would be tired from
studying aswell so i gave her space ...... Little did I know she was already
planning for her next victim. She would always let you know that she was
" struggling " with her life at the moment with work and uni but looking
back now it was all part of her game , she pretended to have these mini
episodes of her having breakdowns, she needed attention constantly and
this is how she would achieve it sometimes .
I would be one of many who would supply her with what she needed ,
she used you for what you could offer her wether it be in a sexual capacity
, her definition of " LOVE " , comfort , admiration ....... The list is endless .
She looks for these in you but also needs to be able manipulate you , you
can't criticize her , you must believe her especially when you doubt her
,and they crave emotional support and if she doesn't get that from you she
will seek it elsewhere.
A NEW SUPPLY
Let's make one thing clear I was in a relationship with a COVERT

NARCISSIST and even now it's taken me years to try and sort out all of
the cognitive dissonance and trauma bond The self blame is huge you will
spend hours throat out your day rehashing every scenario , every
argument , every conversation looking for a glimpse of the truth about
this person you thought you had loved. You will fall into a neverending
pit of depression from the circular thoughts , they don't change and
never will , to initiate change they need to see themselves as the problem
........... But in there eyes you were the problem because you found out who
they were . Even to this day she will play the victim caught up in
situations beyond her control too afraid to tell the truth for the fear of
hurting people ..... this was her excuse to me. She enters your life as this
vunerable person in disguise, presenting herself as a misunderstood lost
soul who has the whole world against her ..... What sort of person gives
you a present of a photo frame of you both together as a couple in love
........ But all the while she was in a secret relationship with her long term
on and off boyfriend !!!!!! .......
Even to this day she will play the victim caught up in situations beyond
her control too afraid to tell the truth for the fear of hurting people .....
this was her excuse to me. She enters your life as this vunerable person in
disguise, presenting herself as a misunderstood lost soul who has the
whole world against her ..... What sort of person gives you a present of a
photo frame of you both together as a couple in love ........ But all the while
she was in a secret relationship with her long term on and off boyfriend
!!!!!! ....... Narcissisim falls on a spectrum , there can be sociopathic or
psychopathic narcissists who fake everything , even there feelings for you
. But there are narcissists who believe that what they feel for your in the
beginning is real , they think that you are the one who is gonna heal them
and make everything right . In the beginning most narcissists will love
bomb you and put you on a pedestal , and because we are imperfect
humans we will inevitably fall off of that pedestal . The narcissists
expectations of you are unrealistic and when you fail to meet them they
resent you , this the devalue stage begins ...... There are many ways they
devalue you and this is one that always stays with me . To be able to
genuinely love someone you must accept them as they are imperfectly
perfect and lovable ..... a narcissist is unable to do that .
CHAPTER TEN
LOVE BOMBING
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
LOVE BOMBING
When you first meet someone it's easy to be swept off your feet , it feels
fun and exciting at first and then you begin to develop feelings for that
person on a deeper level ...... Love bombing however is another story .
You get overwhelmed with loving words , actions and behaviour ...... This
is all part of a manipulation technique . They are often used to win over
your trust and admiration . She told me I was her soul mate , her greatest
support the love of her life , talked about getting married and having a
baby ........... It's only later o found that she had told exactly the same things
to that other guy ....... He got it worse especially when it came to the baby
scenario , she told him at least twice she might be pregnant but when he
asked for proof she gave nothing and said it was a false alarm. You have
no idea what this woman was capable of . Time spent together was strange
at times she never once took me to her place but explained to me she had
a room in a shared house so it would be difficult for me to be there ........ I
just wanted to see where she lived but she never once showed me , even
when she stayed at my place sometimes she made excuses that she
couldn't stay long as she was going to see her " AUNT" later ...... She used
that AUNT excuse alot it would be one of her favourite lies if she wanted
to spend time with her real boyfriend . I remember when I first got
involved with her I had heard various rumours about about her and the
way she used to treat people , but being the kind of person i am I always
give somebody the benefit of the doubt and don't judge anyone without
getting to know them first . In hindsight if i knew now what I knew then i
should never of got involved with her because this would ultimately
change my whole life. I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone at this
point in my life and least of all fall in love with someone but I was
presented with a vision of love I didn't know I needed or wanted ....... And
like a fool i fell for it .
You’re blind to it at first because you’re being love bombed and have no
reason to suspect that you’re not the only one. Then you’ll start to
wonder, even see evidence, as they get more confident and sloppy about
it, but they’ll still lie and hide it because you’re not yet worn down enough
to know about it without exposing or abandoning them.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE DEVIL YOU

KNOW
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
A narcissist lies yet will never admit to it even when you have proof about
them , they will even get upset and angry if you ever dare to question
them , it's something they are good it and it has served them well
throughout their lives.
They will manipulate you emotionally and present themselves as
somebody who finds it hard to be in a relationship and promises to
change.
It's all part of their deception , there so called flawless facade used as a
mask to hide there true evil self.
When her lies started to unravel she did everything she could to protect
herself from the backlash.
I was threatened with the police at one stage if i didn't stop , she even told
me the reason she was like this is because of childhood issues and she
would be seeking professional help ......
To this day i still remember the words she said to me to try and justify the
way she treated me she said to me .
It seemed to me it was my fault for holding on for so long .... I was the one
to blame .
You're not dealing with a normal person here they are damaged beyond
repair and know it.
They don't seek love they seek adoration .
They don't seek nurture they seek attention .
There will never be a healthy relationship with her as she has a
bottomless pit in her heart , always seeking for a better feeling that
nobody can ever give .
Maybe this woman was the devil incarnate just looking at her
characteristics it bears an uncanny resemblance
The terminology is used in modern language to describe evil people,
atrocious acts and the odd bit of naughtiness in us all.
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
The devil is perceived as having some major distinguishing features and

in my studies of narcissism, I have slowly started to see numerous
similarities.
Even when the truth came out she went from threatening me with the
police , to contemplating suicide and then getting professional help
because it's something she has suffered from since childhood ...... I really
didn't understand what she was telling me at the time but now I fully
believe she suffers from NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER .
These were a few of our last conversations she had with me ....
CHAPTER TWELVE
LIES AND DECEPTION
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
LIES AND DECEPTION
I was told quite recently to delete everything I ever had between me and
this girl and I'm torturing myself by going over things trying to make
sense of how this girl lied and deceived everyone who has ever got close
to her ..... This is my way of closure and it's something I need to do .
Telling lies came easy to her , she will leave heartache and chaos behind as
she moves on to her next supply , she's been living in Peterborough for
the last few years this was her escape plan when she was about to be
exposed for what she had done ...... One of my friends messaged me
awhile ago saying him and his fiance had seen her in Peterborough .......
The girl had seen them and then turned around straight away ..... One
thing I do know about her is that she couldn't bare the fact that people
would gossip about her especially if they found out about her life and by
escaping to Peterborough there would be less chance of somebody
bumping into her who knew me aswell ... Or so she thought. She lied to
me from the beginning and continued to have a secret relationship with
her long term on and off boyfriend from when she first got to the U.K it
wouldn't surprise me that she is still with him now even though, even
though apparently he knows about me and that other guy she was with .
Up until from when I met her she had various relationships with other
guys while still with her on and off boyfriend.
I really don't know how many times I questioned her about her infidelity
and when I did the tears came easy for her and also her ability to change
into this innocent, misunderstood character who didn't know how to be in
a proper relationship, she played this part well and whenever she felt like
things weren't going smoothly with you she would always let you know
that she is either unwell physically or mentally she is having some sort of
mini breakdown ...... It was one of her special skills she had perfected to
gain sympathy. I GUARANTEE YOU IF YOU WENT ON HER
FACEBOOK PAGE SHE WOULD OF POSTED A " CRY FOR HELP "
TYPE POST ...... LIKE THIS .
LIES AND DECEPTION
It's only now I've pieced together all of her lies and made at least some
sense of when she started her life of deceit involving multiple people , I
was just one of many and stayed around longer than I should ...... But
payed the ultimate price for still declaring my love for her as she did the
same for me while still being involved with at least two other men aswell
as me .
When that other guy came back i knew straight away something was going
on between them and she did everything in her power to deny it and even
fabricate lies about ill health so you would feel sorry for them . They
exploit people especially ones they know have a natural desire to help and
comfort people in times of need ....... She knew exactly how to manipulate
me .
THIS WAS IN SEPTEMBER ..... SHE SHE WAS CLEVER AT THIS , THIS WAS IN OCTOBER , I WAS
HAD SEX WITH HIM ON THE MANIPULATING ME SO I WOULD BEGINNING TO SEE THROUGH HER
SATURDAY IN HIS CAR AND THEN FEEL SORRY FOR HER ..... IT LIES ....... ACCORDING TO THIS GUY
MESSAGES ME ON SUNDAY ALWAYS WORKED
THEY HAD ALREADY STARTED
HAVING SEX TOGETHER EITHER IN
HIS CAR OR IN HOTEL ROOMS HE
HAD BOOKED FOR A FEW HOURS .
LIES AND DECEPTION
THE LIES CAME EASY FOR HER , EVEN MAKING OUT THAT SHE
WASN'T SURE WHERE HE LIVED ....... SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE
HE LIVED.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
N.P.D
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
N.P.D
What is N.P.D ? this stands for NARCISSIST PERSONALITY DISORDER

and it is a term that I have read so much about since my own experience
of being in a narcissistic relationship. Covert narcissists have N.P.D , they
may appear shy and modest , but inside they are envious of others , can't
handle criticism , and lack empathy for others .They may often spend
time alone as they are hypersensitive to criticism and compare themselves
to others constantly. If like me you've had a close relationship with
someone who has N.P.D , you might agree that many of their stereotyped
traits have truth to them .But it's important to remember that N.P.D can
occur in varying degrees of severity and can also present itself in different
ways . As a result of this you may not recognize that someone has N.P.D
especially if they live with a lesser - known sub type such as COVERT
NARCISSISIM. Looking back now I've began to examine her behaviour
alot more closely now especially from when I first became friends with
her at the beginning .She always said that not many people liked her at
work and this was mirrored by alot of the friends I had made there ...... It's
strange but she had been working there at least 7 months before me and I
had more friends than her there .... And many had told me that they didn't
like her . Even when I had made alot of friends there and we used to go
for a drink after work on a Friday I always invited her but she always
turned the invite down saying she would feel uncomfortable , bearing in
mind this was around the same time she had split up from her " fiancé " or
so she had called him . I even convinced my friends to give her a just and
that she's not as bad as she is portrayed many of them told me to be
careful and not get too close to her ...... A few of them still didn't trust her
and looking back now I realize why . When you're in a relationship with
somebody with N.P.D it's quite difficult to connect some of their
behaviour to this condition, I've tried to list a few of her traits that were
part of her behaviour which I didn't really see at the time .
N.P.D
Its only now that I realize the behavioural pattern of her and took these
things as minor flaws in her personality ..... But it couldn't be further from
the truth , it's only now I realize that she wasn't a good person at all and
never wanted to change at , she only ever cared about herself and how she
could manipulate people for her own good . This was just a few of the
traits that became part of who she was , a person that I was in love with
but didn't really know at all whose whole life is built on lies and
deception.The word narcissisim gets tossed around in a selfie obsessed
celebrity driven culture , often to describe someone who seems
excessively vain or full of themselves , but in psychological terms
narcissisim doesn't mean " self - love " ...... well not of a genuine sort . I
think it's more accurate to say that a person with N.P.D is in love with a
idealized image of themselves ...... It's probably why she always had a
picture of herself on her phone. They are in love with a self image they
have created inside their minds because it allows them to avoid deep
feelings of insecurity. But propping up their delusions of grandeur takes a
lot of work ...... And that's where the dysfunctional attitudes and
behaviours come in . Narcissists with N.D.P never develop the ability to
identify with the feelings of others or to put themselves in other people's
shoes ..... in other words they lack empathy . In many ways they view the
people in their lifes as objects .... there to serve their needs . As soon as
you begin to question their behaviour it's only a matter of time before
they are planning for their new supply , i remember when that guy told
me she had said to him the main reason her relationship had ended with
me was because of the lack of effort on my side ....... I think she failed to
mention that I had reached breaking point when it came to her lies and
deception ...... it got so bad that i didn't believe a single thing she told me
anymore .
N.P.D
After reading up so much about the kind of person i was with , it's only
now I realize the behavioural pattern of her , below are some of the traits I
failed to notice at the time .
UPSETS OTHER PEOPLE

OFTEN STRUGGLE TO KEEP RELATIONSHIPS
SECRETIVE
CRAVES ATTENTION AND ADMIRATION
THINKS THEY ARE ALWAYS RIGHT
FAST MOOD SWINGS
STRIVE TO WIN , NO MATTER AT WHAT COST
LACK OF EMPATHY TOWARDS OTHERS
ALWAYS PLAYS THE VICTIM CARD
BELIEVES THEY ARE BETTER THEN ANYONE ELSE
Its only now that I realize the behavioural pattern of her and took these
things as minor flaws in her personality ..... But it couldn't be further from
the truth , it's only now I realize that she wasn't a good person at all and
never wanted to change at all , she only ever cared about herself and how
she could manipulate people for her own good .
EASILY HURT
OVERREACTS
CAN'T TAKE CRITICISM
MAKES EXCUSES FOR OWN FLAWS AND FAILINGS
REFUSES TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOING SOMETHING
WRONG
ATTEMPTS TO SWAY OR MANIPULATE OTHERS
HYPER COMPETITIVE
REACTS WITH RAGE
DOESN'T LISTEN
JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN , SO FINDS IT DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT
YOU HAVING FEMALE FRIENDS
N.P.D
I was just one of many who supplied her with whatever she needed at that
specific time in her life , we were all used by her and without regret and I
think she even enjoyed the fact that she had gotten away with it for so
long until now ..... It does make me think what was her real reason for
moving to the UK in the first place ?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
MY COMFORTABLE
MISERY
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
Somebody told me something the other day " You can't blame a tree for
being a tree " Which when it comes to other people's understanding about
you is very true , we all vibrate on different levels but for me having a lack
of empathy doesn't help you when it comes to understanding other
people's energy levels ....... We are all built differently and people still
seem to not understand this . People are only capable of understanding
and giving to there own level but that's the way the world is and I'm trying
not to take it personally. Maybe im alot different then other people think
especially those that are close to me especially family , i enjoy the
company of others but I'm always preparing myself for an escape plan
when i begin to feel uncomfortable ......... Which is becoming more
frequent recently. But I've always had to endure the jokes and hurtful
comments sometimes because I wanted to avoid people and be on my
own ....... I can't help the way i feel and I have come to accept that this is
part of who i am .
Family gatherings are my " kryptonite " and are becoming almost
unbearable and I generally panic if i have to subject myself to one . I
remember Christmas day when I even mentioned to a few good close
friends of mine how I wasn't looking forward to spending the day with my
sister and her family ...... But for the sake of a few hours i decided to
power through it could be that bad after all it was Christmas and goodwill
to all men , or so i thought.
Christmas day had arrived and I decided to go for a walk in the morning
to clear my head before everyone arrived ...... I always feel better after
being in the fresh air and I felt prepared when I came back and everyone
had arrived. I didn't feel that uncomfortable as I thought I would when I
began to greet everyone and even my brother in law's mum had been
invited aswell which I was fine with .
My sister was in the kitchen helping with the Christmas dinner

preparations so i approached her and wished her Happy Christmas and
she even asked me if i would be joining them all for dinner at the table
which i felt was a bit strange but maybe she was beginning to understand
that social gatherings are just not my thing ....... But I accepted the
invitation to sit with everyone and I actually felt happy she had at least
asked me . So i went upstairs to get changed and said I would be back
shortly, the day wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be . After I had
got changed I came downstairs as I knew dinner would be ready soon and
got ready to take my place at the table ......... Until I noticed there wasn't a
place for me , my sister hadn't bothered. If was even worse than that ....
my mum hadn't even had a place at the table they had put one of the
dishes of vegetables on top of her plate so it looked like she had no where
to sit . I asked my sister where I was going to sit and she made up some
excuse about working out the number of heads wrong and started
laughing ...... I felt so hurt but didn't show it , I took my plate served
myself some food and sat on my own on the settee. All i wanted to do was
to eat that food as quick as I could and get away from that room as quick
as possible . I will remember this day for the rest of my life .
I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own home but from time to time

when we have visitors it's something that i can never prepare myself for .
It's like my fortress of solitude where i feel safe and can shut out the world
when i feel the need to recharge has been invaded ....... and i didn't let
them in.
" I can't control when i'm like this and it seems to get worse when ever I
go through something emotional , I become more wary of people , i read
into things more deeply and get triggered more easily "
After the truth came out it changed me , it was as if part of me had died
that day. It was around the same time the company i had worked for had
to cease operating at there location and this happened around the first
lockdown we had. Three traumatic experiences at around the sound time
and even now I'm not sure i will ever truly recover from this. These are a
few of the things I've experienced in the last few years and I'm still
experiencing to this day . I'm highly uncomfortable in public for long now
....... I can go out for a few hours but once it hits me that I need my
comfort zone I need to get home or at least in a place with 4 walls and
nobody else there . I've got a tough time dealing with anyone face to face
for long periods of time , with the need to escape after a few minutes of
being in someone's company . I'm learning to listen to my intuition now
in this process but that also leaves me open to sensing so much emotional
chaos especially in crowds ..... It's deafening. It exhausts me and I just
plain wear out easily , I've not yet conquered the need to tuck into my
shell with others. Isolation is my comfortable misery .
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
IDENTITY REVEALED
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
IDENTITY REVEALED
I had to make a major decision if I ever had to mention other people that
were involved during my time of knowing her , so i decided to keep their
names out of this because they have been through enough ....... But I will
reveal her name . The last conversation I had with her is when she
contacted me via Instagram and wanted to talk because apparently words
get twisted when you are writing things down so she said ....... But I'm
guessing that if she called me it was for one last thing one last
performance. She called me in the morning , but was crying during the
whole conversation...... I felt bad for her and got upset myself and started
to cry aswell ........ She was manipulating me again and I was falling for it.
THIS PERSON WILL SAY AND DO ANYTHING TO SAVE HERSELF

SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE EXCEPT SELF PRESERVATION
AND LIMITING THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO KNOW ABOUT HER
.
ONA BANILYTE
I have named her above , her FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM has restricted
access she can not take the chance of somebody posting something about her
....... even her LinkedIn account goes under just ONA B .
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MONSTERS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
MONSTERS
" Whoever fights monsters should see to it

that in the process he does not become a
monster, and if you gaze long enough into the
abyss ....... the abyss will gaze back into you "
NIETZSCHE
I've always liked this quote by Nietzsche , but does it pose a moral
dilemma ? , I always compare it to the quote " you are what you eat " ......
But in this case if i fight the monster i must be prepared that there is a
distinct possibility i will become exactly the same. Maybe the longer I
have allowed myself to dwell in depression and other sources of
negativity the more I have been engulfed by own interpretation of "
GOOD versus EVIL " Do I really want to become what has hurt and
destroyed the best parts of me ? , I think it's inevitable i will become what i
am fighting. I remember she told me once when everything came out that
she assumed I had labeled her as a monster ......... This was the " monster "
that said to me that the only problem was is that I wouldn't walk away
from her earlier !!!!! this was her idea of shifting part of the blame from
herself ....... In her mind if i had walked away I wouldn't of found out and
got hurt . She showed no remorse , she congratulated me on that
document I had wrote and said I was going to circulate , The monster was
beginning to reveal itself now , I got threatened with the police if i
decided to expose her to more people ( only a handful of our mutual
friends had seen the document so far ) her responses varied from threats ,
to lies of her seeking so called professional help ........ She tried everything
to get me to stop . I almost felt sorry for her but I know what she is
capable of , before that guy had contacted me and told me he had got
involved with her and that she had been her boyfriend on and off even
when I first got with her ...... She was incapable of telling the truth she had
lied to me from the start . It seemed to me she had a double life
everything that guy had showed and told me mirrored exactly what she
had done and said to me , she had her relationship with that guy at home
yet forged other relationships based around work
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TRIANGULATION
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
TRIANGULATION
IThis is another one of their poisonous tricks they use to make you doubt
your own sanity and they do this by bringing another person into the mix
. She was slowly setting into motion her plan to get that other guy at work
...... He would be her new supply and would be perfect for her as there was
no chance me and him would ever be friends as she knew i didn't like him
. THE EMAIL BELOW WAS SENT BY HER TO HIM WHEN SHE WAS
WORKING NIGHTSHIFT SHE WAS EVEN BEGINNING TO LAY DOWN
THE RULES ON KEEPING THEIR SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP QUIET
17th SEPTEMBER 2019
THE
TRIANGULATION
BEGINS
TRIANGULATION
One thing I did know about her is that she hated people talking about her
behind her back so she would try to keep her life as private as she could
especially around work . This made more sense to me later on especially when
the pieces of her real life started to unravel , she had two different lifes one that
consisted of her being with her secret partner and his child from a previous
relationship and another life that relationships were formed around men that
she worked with. Their were always discrepancies in her stories and excuses that
never added up but she was very good at hiding the truth from you especially
when questioned and her tears began to flow .
The guy had told me that things started to get flirty between them during the
summer when she decided to go on her exercise and keep fit routine all of a
sudden . She was always conscious about how she looked and would always seek
reassurance from me in how she looked especially when she let you know that
she didn't feel attractive ...... She went through the same mind games with the
other guy aswell . I remember she sent me a photo of her sitting on her bed she
was fully clothed but was wearing shorts aswell ...... She wanted my opinion on
how she looked in the shorts . I later found out she had sent exactly the same pic
to the other guy aswell
12th JULY 13th JULY
TRIANGULATION
Working the Nightshift was perfect for her double or even triple life she had
frabricated and it definitely mirrored the same pattern when the other guy was
spending time with her aswell .
She would have these mysterious phone calls in the morning when I was with
her waiting at the bus stop to get home from work ....... This happened well
before that other guy had appeared on the scene .It seemed like when ever she
got them suspicious phone calls she would always grab hold of my arm as she
spoke in Lithuanian ....... Maybe she did it out of guilt for talking to her long
term boyfriend ( in Lithuanian of course ) or maybe she did it to make it less
suspicious.
When i did ask her who that was it was always her aunt or cousin on the phone .
EHer behaviour was exactly how it was with the other guy as it was with me ,I
found out she was texting the other guy on the bus as she sat next to me and
then found out from him that she was texting me when he was with her. It seems
to me that she enjoyed attention even when she was with one guy and would
have no shame texting one man whilst being with another ,........ That blurred
picture of her in her bathrobe was when she was with another guy ........
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
UNDERSTANDING
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
UNDERSTANDING
My advice to anyone currently or recently involved with a narc is, read and
become an expert on narcissism. This is surprisingly easy, because they are all
the same. They do the same things to everyone all the time. The advantage this
gives is that you only need to read one good book and you know all about them.
Then you can deal with whatever they throw at you. The best book I found for
this purpose was Prepare to be Tortured- the price you will pay for dating a
narcissist. AB Jamieson. It is a good general guide, without psychobabble. It
covers romantic relationships but also goes into narcissism generally, and narcs
as bosses, colleagues, friends, so it is a good guide to how to deal with them.
Importantly, it also has a checklist of traits-red flags- so you can learn to identify
them, and then you can live a narc-free life. You will never regret it.
The more truths you find out, the more hurt you will be. You loved this person.
It was unfortunate you chose a narc, because the narc never loved you back. You
wasted your time and your love, there is no point in dwelling on that. It won’t
change the past. Accept that everything was a lie (I’m afraid it was) and move on
from that. Consign it to the past and live your life, away from all narcs. Learn the
red flags, so it never happens again. Grieve, of course, you lost something special
to you- the fact that it was not special to the narc is not your fault. But learn
from it.
Everything with an NPD is a reaction to how you made them feel with
something you said or did. All of these toxic behaviors (blame shifting,
gaslighting, smear campaigns, triangulation, etc) are not planned. These are
coping mechanisms they learned growing up in an abusive and unloving
environment. These behaviors were necessary for their survival during that
time.
You will never get closure from this person. Please understand that they have a
disorder and if you tell them this they will never see it. They will think you are
trying to play a game with them. Because that is how they see life. They think
everyone is a hurt child inside an adult body just like them.
Narcissists can be extremely dangerous and volatile personalities to deal with.
Typically they will stop at nothing to manipulate their source or supply. A
narcissist normalizes playing games with their source’s mind and emotions, and
in turn, they have zero empathy for the heartbreak and demoralizing they cause.
Make no mistake about it, narcissists or people with Narcissistic Personality

Disorder are dangerous mental and emotional abusers, and some, in fact, turn to
extreme physical abuse and even death.
UNDERSTANDING
Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I

love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few
weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-
forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before
he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they
tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic
relationships.
Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you
find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are
their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise
your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook…
You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are,
verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to
describe themselves do not fit their personality — at all. But, they will fit
YOURS!!!
Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them
out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another
lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of
the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see
them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have
the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you
KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing!
They feel no shame, no remorse, no sorrow, in what they do. They

ENJOY it. It gets them off. It is a challenge, a competition, to bring low
people of high character, compassion, love, and loyalty, because they
themselves are incapable of ever being this way, or experiencing these
things.
UNDERSTANDING
My advice to anyone currently or recently involved with a narc is, read and
become an expert on narcissism. This is surprisingly easy, because they are all
the same. They do the same things to everyone all the time. The advantage this
gives is that you only need to read one good book and you know all about them.
Then you can deal with whatever they throw at you. The best book I found for
this purpose was Prepare to be Tortured- the price you will pay for dating a
narcissist. AB Jamieson. It is a good general guide, without psychobabble. It
covers romantic relationships but also goes into narcissism generally, and narcs
as bosses, colleagues, friends, so it is a good guide to how to deal with them.
Importantly, it also has a checklist of traits-red flags- so you can learn to identify
them, and then you can live a narc-free life. You will never regret it.
The more truths you find out, the more hurt you will be. You loved this person.
It was unfortunate you chose a narc, because the narc never loved you back. You
wasted your time and your love, there is no point in dwelling on that. It won’t
change the past. Accept that everything was a lie (I’m afraid it was) and move on
from that. Consign it to the past and live your life, away from all narcs. Learn the
red flags, so it never happens again. Grieve, of course, you lost something special
to you- the fact that it was not special to the narc is not your fault. But learn
from it.
Everything with an NPD is a reaction to how you made them feel with
something you said or did. All of these toxic behaviors (blame shifting,
gaslighting, smear campaigns, triangulation, etc) are not planned. These are
coping mechanisms they learned growing up in an abusive and unloving
environment. These behaviors were necessary for their survival during that
time.
You will never get closure from this person. Please understand that they have a
disorder and if you tell them this they will never see it. They will think you are
trying to play a game with them. Because that is how they see life. They think
everyone is a hurt child inside an adult body just like them.
Narcissists can be extremely dangerous and volatile personalities to deal with.
Typically they will stop at nothing to manipulate their source or supply. A
narcissist normalizes playing games with their source’s mind and emotions, and
in turn, they have zero empathy for the heartbreak and demoralizing they cause.
Make no mistake about it, narcissists or people with Narcissistic Personality

Disorder are dangerous mental and emotional abusers, and some, in fact, turn to
extreme physical abuse and even death.
UNDERSTANDING
So do covert narcissists know what they are doing? While they may be aware on
some level that their behaviors have a negative impact on other people,
narcissists also tend to lack self-awareness and insight. Because they often
believe they deserve the attention and accolades they seek, they may see nothing
wrong with their behavior as long as it achieves the intended results.
Many people have fallen victim to the manipulative behaviors of a covert

narcissist without realizing what has happened until they are already in
emotional pain. It might be more accurate to suggest that the extroverted (overt)
narcissist would be a lot easier to see coming than the introverted (covert)
narcissist.
Although they are not always sneaky, some covert narcissists can take joy in
creating confusion. They may not engage in blaming or shaming, but instead,
causing people to question their perceptions and second-guess themselves.
This is another way to create leverage between them and another person. A
covert narcissist needs to use tactics like this to elevate themselves and maintain
power in the interaction. If they can get you to question your perceptions, it
allows them the opportunity to manipulate and exploit you more.
The gods sentenced Narcissus to a life without human love. He fell in love with
his own reflection in a pool of water and died hungering for its response. Like
Narcissus, narcissists only "love" themselves as reflected in the eyes of others. It’s
a common misconception that they love themselves. They may actually dislike
themselves immensely. Their inflated self-flattery, perfectionism, and arrogance
are merely covers for the self-loathing they don’t admit — usually even to
themselves. Instead, it’s projected outward in their disdain for and criticism of
others. They’re too afraid to look at themselves because they believe the truth
would be devastating. Emotionally, they may be dead inside, and hungering to
be filled and validated by others. Sadly, they’re unable to appreciate the love
they do get and they alienate those who give it.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
QUOTES N STUFF
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
QUOTES N STUFF
QUOTES N STUFF
THE TRUTH WILL

SET YOU FREE BUT
FIRST IT WILL MAKE
YOU MISERABLE
JAMES A GARFIELD
QUOTES N STUFF
YOU CAN'T
CHANGE WHO
PEOPLE ARE ,
WITHOUT FIRST
DESTROYING WHO
THEY WERE .
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

FILM 2004
QUOTES N STUFF
" JUST BECAUSE YOU

LOST ME AS A FRIEND
, DOESN'T MEAN YOU
GAINED ME AS AN
ENEMY. I'M BIGGER
THAN THAT , I STILL
WANNA SEE YOU EAT
...... JUST NOT AT MY
TABLE .
TUPAC SHAKUR
CHAPTER TWENTY
MISTAKES AND
ENTANGLEMENTS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
I was just one of many who supplied her with what she needed, wether
that be love, sex , emotional support or companionship in some form or
the other .......... She didn't care if she got what she needed from multiple
partners as long as she didn't get caught , her life was script she re wrote
on numerous occasions .
I really didn't have any idea what she was capable of until that guy she had
brought back to work had contacted me on Instagram ........ Her lies were
even worse than I had ever imagined .
I was in shock ....... she was worse than I ever could of imagined , looks like
there was three of us in her life at that one time but I wouldn't be
surprised if there was more .
The messed up thing was she did tell

me she wanted to start a family with
me and even get married
I was just one of many who supplied her with what she needed, wether
that be love, sex , emotional support or companionship in some form or
the other .......... She didn't care if she got what she needed from multiple
partners as long as she didn't get caught , her life was script she re wrote
on numerous occasions .
I really didn't have any idea what she was capable of until that guy she had
brought back to work had contacted me on Instagram ........ Her lies were
even worse than I had ever imagined .
Looking back now things were perfect for her when she moved to
chingford, she needed a new supply and if he had a car it was even better
it wouldn't surprise me if one of the reasons she got with him in the first
place was because he lived close to her ........ I remember before he came
back on the scene she had to walk part of the way home after her shift had
finished , she always hated that walk .
She even made sure that me and him would never have the opportunity
to be friends because she knew if that happened her secret relationship
with him would be exposed .
The unfortunate truth is that narcissists do not really fall in love with
people. They fall in love with their projections of whomever they
currently idealize as the perfect mate. They can sound convincingly in
love, but that is because they temporarily believe in the fantasy version of
you created in their mind .
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
SIGNS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
SIGNS
Narcissists have three phases;

love bomb, devalue and discard. How do all narcissists know how to do
this?
Funny isn't it how when we all compare notes, it's like narcissists use the
same “ HOW TO BE A NARCISSIST HANDBOOK "
I think you need to look at this a different way. It's not that they know the
cycle, they are the cycle. Male or female, they're identical . They mirror
what you want them to be so you'll love them and never leave them.
They'll be your perfect mate as long as you'll give them what they need;
affection, praise, adulation, a pedestal to stand on etc…. Obviously this is
love bombing. To them. It's just falling in love with someone worthy of
them.
The more supply she had the more of herself she can really be with you
(sorry, I mean devalue you) She has a back up plan. If you're in a long
term relationship, you may have " USES ", remember their were at least 3
of us in her life at one stage in her life and each one provided her with a
source of supply ......... She needed a new supply when I became less
interested in her , being in her company drained me emotionally. I
remember a works Christmas Party we had been invited to , she did
everything she could to put what should not been a happy mood into one
of negativity. It got so bad that I didn't enjoy being in public with her
especially around people we knew , it's as if she treated me differently in
front of others so they would be guessing if we were together or not ..... It
seemed like a game to her .
We went to the pub one evening on a Saturday with quite a few of our
work colleagues our TEAM LEADER attended aswell this was a guy she
was obviously fond of but always denied anything was going on between
them and he was just like a father figure to her that's all .
SIGNS
There was a familiar pattern whenever we was all together , but when me
and her got together at the start he did suspect something was going on
between us ...... And he even told her this .
The strange thing was I quite quite close to the guy aswell and we were
very good friends ( sadly I haven't heard from him in over 2 years so it's
safe to say he probably blames me for her running away from London )
He never once asked me if I was involved with her at any time when we
were talking ...... But deep down he knew . The crazy thing is he had a bit
of a reputation with the girls at work and was known to be quite flirty
around them ....... And even flirty around her before me and her got
together .
There was also a rumour floating around work that something was going
on between them ..... But she always denied it. I was working on the late
shift one evening and had finished early but told her I would wait for her
at the bus stop so we could keep each other company on the bus , this was
the time that me and her were becoming closer but nothing had happened
between us yet. So I finished work and waited for her for about half and
hour.
I still remember receiving a text message at the bus stop where she said to
me " her aunt " had turned up and was going to give her a lift home
instead so I should just get the bus instead . Something didn't feel right so
I walked back to our work place which was literally a minute away and
spotted her getting into that guys car .......... That was probably the first red
flag but I chose to ignore it and never mentioned it to her ....... Just maybe
something was going on between them ? or maybe it was just all innocent
to this day I still don't know .......
I did ask her once " You treat me differently when he is around " ... She
replied " I don't like to upset him "
This was when we were serious about each other ....... But it did make me
think maybe something did happen between them ? .
SIGNS
I'm not sure of what I see

Cupid don't fuck with me !
Are you telling me this is a sign ?
She's looking in my eyes, now I see no other guys
Are you telling me this is a sign ?
Interesting lyrics from the song SIGNS by SNOOP DOGG , it made me

think that if I had read the " SIGNS " at the beginning I would of not
pursued her ....... But sometimes your heart rules your head no matter
what is clear and obvious.
The nice person that love bombs IS NOT REAL it's an act, an illusion, a
fairy tale tailor made for you.
You can't expose them in a satisfyingly, successful way because people

that have not experienced this CANNOT WRAP THEIR HEADS AROUND
how depraved and premeditated it all is. ESPECIALLY if they only know
the “illusion character” the one that love bombs…. Decent people cannot
conceive someone that acts so normal, kind, nice and loving could be so
cruel! (I still struggle with understanding what/who my Ex is and what
she's actually done, acquaintances have no hope!)
Narcissists don’t like themselves. They perfectly know they are toxic and
broken, so they build up a world of lies and acts to feel “good” - and crave
for people that see them as Special. They wear a mask that hides exactly
the kind of person they are and from time to time it will be removed
especially if they are playing the victim or seeking sympathy especially if
you begin to doubt the lies they have told you ....... Be careful !!!! they can
be be very convincing
SIGNS
When ever we went out socially she had a tendency to go straight home
afterwards but on occasions she did stay at mine which I was fine with and
fully understood , maybe she felt uncomfortable at mine ? , Maybe she
had too much to drink and wanted to go straight home ? ..... Or maybe she
needed to be somewhere first thing in the morning ? .
Like I said at first I was cool with it but then some things just didn't seem
right even to the point where she would just run off at the end of the night
Its only now that the truth about her " mysterious disappearing acts " have
come to light .
A few of us had arranged to meet in the pub for a few drinks years ago and
alot of the people from our night shift attended and that even included
that other guy who I didn't like at first ..... It was her idea to invite him ,
maybe to make the peace between me and him because this was the time I
had fallen out with him due to his flirting with her .
I was apprehensive about him being there but I'm not one to hold a
grudge plus we had to work together so I decided to bury the hatchet. She
always seemed to take his side for some reason and even convinced me
me maybe I had been too hard on him .
LIKE SHE SAID NOTHING WOULD

HAPPEN EVER .......
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO
CHARACTERISTICS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
CHARACTERISTICS
CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST
CRITICISM
All people can be a bit sensitive when it comes to criticism. Even the most
mature people who are comfortable in their own skin can get a little upset
when they’re criticized harshly. But things are a bit different for covert
narcissists. These people can throw a tantrum and hold a grudge for quite
some time even when they’re criticized in a very gentle and subtle way. In
their own minds, they’re already perfect and superior, so if you’re able to
see the bad in them, you’re probably just ill-minded.
Covert narcissists, however, can get really upset when they’re criticized
even though they also think themselves superior. Because being criticized
makes them realize that they’re not that perfect in the eyes of other
people.
VICTIM
They can tell you about their sad childhoods or their severely depressed
and problematic exes. They were always taken for granted at their
workplaces and their friends always ended up betraying them. Because
they were always too nice and tolerant. These stories can lead you to
sympathize with them and you can find yourself feeling really bad for
them. And that is exactly what they want. If you sympathize with them,
you care about them. And that makes them feel special.
CHARACTERISTICS
PASSIVE AGGRESSION
The covert narcissists tend to be passive aggressive. For instance, when

they’re upset by something, they prefer sulking for days instead of telling
you what the problem is. They can humiliate you publicly, but they do
this so subtly that if you try to confront them about it afterwards, they can
easily save themselves.
MISUNDERSTOOD
Even if they never achieved something significant in life, covert narcissists
believe that they have great potential. They’re simply the unfortunate
souls who couldn’t reach their full potentials, they’re special people who
are misunderstood. It’s their families’, friends’, partners’, the system’s and
the society’s fault that they were not noticed before. It’s never their own
fault.
CHARACTERISTICS
GOOD LISTENERS
Covert narcissists look like good listeners. Especially in the early stages of
the relationship, they can listen to everything you say with utmost
attention. While you believe this to be an advantage, their actual purpose
is to analyze you better so that it’s easier to manipulate you in the future.
Once they found all your weaknesses, things start to change. They no
longer need to listen to you that carefully. From thereon, they only
pretend to be listening to you. If you pay attention, you’ll see that all the
details are instantly forgotten. You’ll have to tell them everything (even
the most important things) again and again. Narcissists are so lost in their
own worlds that paying attention to other people takes great effort. That’s
why their listening tend to be surface level. Still, they’re quite good at
pretending to be a good listener.
APOLOGIES
In a lot of articles about narcissists, it’s said that they never apologize. But
that’s not exactly true. Covert narcissists can apologize and acknowledge
their mistakes, however rarely. But these apologies tend to start with ‘I’m
sorry, but…’ and they’re usually far from being sincere apologies. For
instance, they include subtle accusations like ‘I’m sorry but I had no other
choice’, or ‘I’m sorry but you pushed me too far’. Some of their apologies
may seem quite sincere and it can look like they’ve said everything there
is to say. But those are usually insincere ramblings uttered in an attempt
to pour oil on troubled waters and maintain control. Their promises are
never kept, and they’re soon forgotten. In short, their words and actions
don’t match.
CHARACTERISTICS
GUILT TRIPPING
Covert narcissists are very good at making you feel guilty. For example, if
you tell them that you’re too busy to meet them, they can tell you things
like ‘I just wanted you to be there for me’ or ‘I really wanted to see you
because I’ve missed you so much’. With passive aggressive methods, they
dump their own problems on you or make you feel guilty by emotional
blackmail. You often find yourself apologizing and trying to make it up to
them even when you didn’t have to.
JEALOUSY
They get annoyed when someone else is in the spotlight. Covert
narcissists need praise and attention all the time and when the praise and
attention are directed at someone who’s, in their eyes; unworthy of it, they
can get extremely jealous. The success and happiness of other people are
threats to theirs.
CHARACTERISTICS
SELF DIAGNOSIS
This one doesn’t apply to all of them but most of the time, covert
narcissists know that there’s something wrong with them even if they
don’t know what it is. While feeling superior, they can also doubt their
own value and acknowledge the fact they’re not supposed to feel this way
about themselves. That’s why they’re more self-conscious and restless.
Their suppressed shame and the feeling of inadequacy make them
complex individuals.
Overt narcissists, however, don’t doubt themselves. In their minds, they’re

utterly flawless.
If we look at them carefully, we can see that they’re not that different.
Both overt and covert narcissists believe that they’re superior and special,
they both care about appearance and they both have the power to wear
you down emotionally. But I personally think that covert narcissists are
more dangerous because they’re harder to notice. By the time you see
their true colors, they already might have stolen your career, your youth,
your hopes and your sanity.
CHARACTERISTICS
CONNECTION
It's crazy how much you have in common !!!! it's not the connection you
have has been fashioned in a specific way to lure you in ,
it’s perfectly calculated. Ive studied you and I am mirroring you, just like I
have done with all of my other victims. I know your deepest wounds and
desires, because upon first meeting you I poked and prodded to uncover
your strengths, weaknesses, interests, passions and everything youre
missing from your life. Now Ill morph into what you have always wanted
in a partner at least, for the time being until I get what I want. Then, I’ll
take the mask off from time to time. Soon, you won’t be able to recognize
the person you first fell in love with.
INFIDELITY
Cheating doesn't apply to a narcissist and they follow I different set of
rules then everybody else especially if you are their partner at the time .
They expect complete loyalty and transparency from you , however they
are free to conduct numerous secret affairs or in my case she was already
living with her secret boyfriend when I first met her ....... And I'm still not
sure if there were any more .......
CHARACTERISTICS
FANTASIST
Its hard not to believe somebody when they tell you that you are the love
of their life and you are the best thing that ever happened to them and
they want to have a baby with you and even get married !!!!!! ....... It was all
just a lie , a fantasy concocted to lure you deeper into make believe life in
which you were there to supply her with what she needed .
She wasn't in love with me she was in love with a twisted vision of what
she thought love was ........
A narcissist can be a great storyteller. They captivate you with tales of
personal triumphs, heroism, even selflessness. But it’s when you look
behind the curtain that you discover they’ve rewritten history. Not only
are they living in a fantasy, you believed all their self-mythology.
Become your own detective. When a narcissistic person tells you about his
or her life, make sure you can connect the dots. Is there corroborating
evidence that confirms what he or she told you? Look around their
environment. Truly great people have something to show for it. Is this the
life of an admirable person or have you entered an echo chamber of
narcissistic delusion ?
Unfortunately by the time I decided to delve deeper into her life her story
had already been exposed and all I could do was assemble together the
missing pieces of the life I had with her that was built on nothing but
deception and lies .
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
JOINING THE DOTS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
JOINING THE DOTS
When that guy contacted me I instantly questioned every moment I had

spent with her , every conversation we had and above all every time I had
questioned her when I felt like something didn't add up with the stories
she had told me .......... What hurt the most is she found it easy to just lie to
me whenever I doubted her .
Her phone kept buzzing quite frequently when she had come around to
see me once so when she went to the toilet I turned her phone over ( she
always had it laid face down ..... that was a red flag that I ignored ) I looked
at the screen and it had various notifications from the dating site BADOO
I confronted her about this .....
She was even jealous of my

friendship with a girl I knew
from work aswell ....... I think
she used her as an excuse to
cover up her own behaviour
....... The difference was me and
that girl were just friends and
deep down she knew it .
Once again I gave her the benefit of the doubt , she told me she deleted it
and even showed me her phone ......... But that didn't really prove anything
so for the sake of another argument I brushed it under the carpet ....... She
could be very convincing at times .
JOINING THE DOTS
Even though I was close friends with that girl I actually kept my distance
from her to stop the jealousy and arguments....... This was around the
same time we would be both working on Nightshift so for some peace and
quiet and less drama it seemed like a good idea ........ But I couldn't be
more wrong
We decided to go out on Friday evening as we finished our shift in the

morning and wouldn't be back to work until Sunday , it would be a good
excuse to let off some steam plus we had a busy week and we all had
worked hard .
Most of us had got there by 6 in the evening and I must admit by 8 a few
of us were quite tipsy and everyone was having a good time .We actually
stayed there til 11 then a few of us went across the road to the local night
club , it was cheap plus it stayed open til 2 .
The nightclub was good but most of us decided to leave at 1.30 and go
home ...... This was when she did something strange .
There was various people in the nightclub especially a guy that we all
knew but had found another job months ago , and he left the club the
same time as us with his friends . We was all outside and suddenly he
called for her to come across the other side of the road with him to talk
......... I called out to her to ask her where she was going !!!!! She just
ignored me and went with him , I was so pissed off I just got the night bus
and went home I couldn't believe what she had done.
I didn't even go straight home that night , i was walking the streets which
ft like hours ..... She messaged me most of the night trying to apologize for
being drunk and not hearing me when I called ....... She said talked a little
while with that guy then went home by cab .
JOINING THE DOTS
This should of been my first warning to run as far as I could away from
her ....... Below is the actual transcript of our conversation we had that
night after she went off with that guy outside the nightclub .I also found
out exactly where she went after talking to that guy across the road
No wonder she didn't like talking

about what actually happened that
night , she said she felt ashamed in
the way she had been acting .........
She felt ashamed because she was
telling lies , I found out actually
where she went in that cab and it
wasn't straight home. Her friend
Joana who I know really well filled
me in exactly what happened that
night and also shocked me with
some other revelations .
JOINING THE DOTS
Even before I found out the truth about that night , I just couldn't bare to
have any interaction with her until I got home ..... But it didn't stop her
from messaging me .
When she felt she was losing me or losing control of the situation that
existed between us panic would set in for her ....... She no longer knew
what to do ....... But the worst was yet to come .
JOINING THE DOTS
Below is the conversation I had with her friend Joana , even when I knew
the truth of where she went that night she still lied , and even though we
did split up for awhile ( it was my idea ) she lied about that aswell .
JOINING THE DOTS
I secretly forgave her and she had no idea that I knew she was seeing
Joana's brother , it's crazy but we got back together a little bit after but it
did cause some friction at work especially as we did work closely together
This did make me think ....... Maybe she was more worried about what
people would say about us if they noticed friction between us at work
The thing with me ........ I rarely fell out with anybody in that place
JOINING THE DOTS
Even before I found out the truth about that night , I just couldn't bare to
have any interaction with her until I got home ..... But it didn't stop her
from messaging me .
When she felt she was losing me or losing control of the situation that
existed between us panic would set in for her ....... She no longer knew
what to do ....... But the worst was yet to come .
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
MELTDOWNS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
MELTDOWNS
Before I became " romantically" involved with her I experienced quite a

few of these so called " meltdowns " predominantly around the workplace
and most of it seemed to surface around the same time she had got a job
promotion .
It was a strange decision when she got that job as she had never worked in
that department before , and of my friends who had vast more experience
than her had been overlooked for that position for some reason .
He was good at the job and had been doing it more or less already for the
last year and half , something definitely untoward had occurred there .......
He ultimately ended up walking out when he heard the news
Sometimes it was a case of who you knew not what you knew that got
promotion in this company ....... I know this is how the world works but I
would rather see somebody progress because they earned it not because
they were more friendlier with the hierarchy , but that's just my opinion.
Her first few days in that new job were difficult for her and I did have alot
of sympathy for her especially as the other guy was well liked in that
department and she was a relevant unknown ...... Like I said before she
had a bit of a reputation in her lack of ability in knowing how to talk to
people....... More so if she had done something wrong .
Remember in her world an apology should only be given as a last resort

no matter if she knows she is in the wrong .
I remember she did get reported while being on Nightshift for her
treatment of a certain individual , he was a difficult guy to get along with
but I was cool with him ..... I think it was just a case of two stubborn people
clashing , well this was what I assumed back then .
We were working in two separate departments but I was still around to see
her most days , depending if we started at the same time. But her first
steps in that job were not without " teething " problems.
I don't know how many times I had to comfort her because she had an
argument with another of the girls there , them two definitely didn't get
on , I think she had a problem with other girls and always seemed to
compare herself to them which for most part would always end up in
some sort of meltdown on her part ..... Remember when I first knew about
her not many girls liked her and this was probably why she avoided social
gatherings with when I invited her.
MELTDOWNS
She seemed to clash with this one girl quite alot and it always resulted in
her crying on my shoulder telling me " that girl doesn't like me " " I made
a mistake and she had a go at me " it was the usual cat fight scenario you
have heard about many a time .
One thing I did notice more about her as we became closer , she definitely
got on better with the guys there then the women but that did soon
change when a few of her friends from Lithuania had come to the UK to
work , she soon came out of her shell more and seemed to changing into a
nicer person ...... Or so I thought.
Sonething strange did happen to her aswell , that other girl who she was
clashing with at the early stages of her new position ( things did get better
between them ) had a tattoo on the inside of her forearm then all of a
sudden that girl I knew wanted something similar ...... It seemed quite
strange it was as if she wanted to be a focal point in that department ......
She even started changing her hair colour to get more noticed .
I had no problems making friends and even though the place I worked
was very multicultural forging friendships came easy to me even with the
girls .
I did meet a girl there who I'm very close to , she was like one of my best
friends there but it was more than that ..... I looked at myself as her
guardian angel and I am very fond of her and she was one of the first
people I called on when I found out the truth about that girls lies.
Being friends with that girl did create problems for me but nothing
happened between us ....... That girl didn't like her and told me on
countless occasions how she felt about my friendship with her . It seemed
to me she could have a friendship with a guy ( I guy I know very well who
also had a bit of a reputation with the ladies ) and she would say it was like
a father / daughter type thing and he was her " biggest support " .......... It's
strange but she would be telling me that same line in later months . It did
make make think that she'd his name to make me jealous or get a reaction
her mask was beginning to come off .
MELTDOWNS
I wasn't allowed to have female friends especially if they were deemed as a

threat to her narcissistic supply....... And this was the first time I
experienced a meltdown that involved me . I'm sure most of the things
she sees she imagines plus when she did confront me about it she did
everything she could to make me feel guilty for something that didn't
even happen ....... It got so bad that I sacrificed my friendship with her for
the sake of upsetting someone who clearly had some jealousy issues.
This was from another argument we had when we weren't spending much
time together even though we lived 15 minutes apart , she was using what
ever she could to dodge the issue of us not being together ...... Looking
back now it was obvious she was still with her boyfriend at the time and
couldn't find the time to see me ......... I was blind to it all .
This meltdown happened when a few of us went to the pub together the
way I got treated by her was terrible ...... It seemed to me she set out to
make me jealous that evening by flirting with a few of my friends Infront
of me she basically ignored me most of that event ........ I left by myself not
long after , even her friend Kristina noticed her behaviour .
MELTDOWNS
She was clever at what she did , the ability to make you feel guilty for
something you never did while expressing her false emotions and and
tales of her life where it seemed the whole world had done her wrong and
at that point in time it included me ....... I was made to feel like the guilty
party for not understanding her ,
This was the first sign of her true self coming out , where she used
emotional manipulation to hide the fact she had a secret boyfriend it was
easy for her to play games with me until I felt sorry for her ....... She used
examples of being treated badly in previous relationships as her " get out
of jail free card " ...... And it worked perfectly against me .
MELTDOWNS
Mind games and guilt tripping came easy for her .......
It was an emotional roller coaster being on an " relationship" with her and
I don't think many people realized exactly the kind of person she was like
.
MELTDOWNS
Everybody liked Valentina at work and it was easy to see why , she was
kind , considerate and not one person had a bad word to say about her .......
It was safe to say she was a threat to her narcissistic supply which at the
time was me .
I was manipulated into stopping my friendship with valentina at some
point for the sake of peace and quiet and a drama free life .
But looking back at this conversation below it did make me think she
accused me of being involved with her ...... While all the time living with
boyfriend.
MELTDOWNS
I sacrificed not seeing most of my friends on the day shift in order that
me and her could spend time together even when we were working........ I
realized at the time this was part of her plan , she had the best of both
world , two relationships at once .........
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
PSEUDOLOGIST
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
PSEUDOLOGIST
A condition, often related to a more general mental illness or personality

disorder, in which a person tells elaborate and fantastic stories, especially
about himself or herself, as if believing them to be true, but readily
changes or abandons them if challenged.
I remember getting a text from her saying she wouldn't be coming to

work because she had to move out ............ It was only later on I found the
truth that she was living with her boyfriend and he hadn't bothered to pay
the rent ....... So they got kicked out .

PSEUDOLOGIST
Another one of her tricks was to pretend her period was late and that she
had taken a pregnancy test and it came back positive .
She tried this a few times with me but this soon changed once I had asked
her for proof of the test ......... Then all of a sudden her period would come
There was a familiar pattern to this as she tried the same stunt on the
other guy aswell .
Even when the whole truth came out she swore that she was sleeping with
her boyfriend at the time , it was purely a financial arrangement that's all
You know something ? it hard to believe anything she said once she got
exposed ...... I think she would say absolutely anything at that point to
paint herself in a better light .

PSEUDOLOGIST
She had gone away to Liverpool to spend Christmas with her " AUNT " I'm
assuming , but later found out she had gone with her boyfriend and his
daughter .She still found the time to message me late at night probably
making sure she was alone when she texted me .Even though she went
away it got to a stage where I never asked her who she was with .
This was just a game to her !!!!! At this stage of her life I was beginning to
keep my distance from her but nothing could prepare me how evil she
really was ........

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
CONFRONTATION
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
CONFRONTATION
neištikimybė
infidelity, adultery, unfaithfulness, inconstancy, falsity, misconduct
Narcissists are extremely self-absorbed and always in desperate need of

external validation. These characteristics of narcissism make them more
likely to cheat on their partners. Their need for adoration is such that they
easily succumb to flattery, but what happens if you catch them in the act?
Will they admit that they cheated?
Narcissists won’t usually admit to cheating on their partner. They won’t

take responsibility for their actions because it makes them feel as though
they are out of control and vulnerable. If you have evidence that they
cheated, they will usually blame their actions on someone else.
In the place of a real ego, the narcissist constructs an elaborate false self-
image that they project to the world. They infuse it with all kinds of
grandiose ideas about how great they are and how important they are, but
this false self can’t support those ideas.
Another telltale sign is that they will usually become extremely jealous.
This is something called projection where they are projecting onto you
their own bad behaviors. They are cheating so they are accusing you of
infidelity, often in an aggressive manner.
Additionally, if you accuse a narcissist of cheating — and they are — they

will explode in a fit of narcissistic rage. This overblown response is
nothing more than a distraction technique to get you to stop trying to
catch them, to stop even asking the question, and to focus on something
else entirely.
There may also be, however, other less negative kinds of signs. Many
narcissists will bring home so-called ‘guilt gifts’ to assuage their
conscience because of their infidelity. They’re also less likely to be
interested in sex with you, or on the other hand, they may become more
demanding about sex. These are all signs that your narcissistic partner
might be having an affair.

CONFRONTATION
After that guy contacted me on Instagram I prepared myself to battle her

this was definitely a battle between GOOD VERSUS EVIL where the only
prize I was seeking was the truth from her ....... But this would be harder
then I thought .
Remember a narcissist will not apology straight away for what they have
done , they will defend themselves using what ever they can against you
.......... They will do anything to protect themselves .
What you are about to read is me confronting her on Instagram about her
lies and deception.
I find it difficult to believe anything she says here ...........,....

CONFRONTATION
I don't think I ever knew her at all !!!!! she presented herself to me as
somebody who wasn't even close to who she said she was ......... I don't
think monsters ever existed ..... Until now .
It's only now that she admitted having a thing with that first guy when I
first started at that place , this was the rumour that that I first heard about
her and denied everything when I first asked her ........ She told me they
were just friends .......

CONFRONTATION
The narcissist views the world as a fearful, dismissive place where their
needs may not always be met, and that’s also how they think about their
relationships. This causes them to fear commitment, avoid emotional
intimacy, be more sexually aggressive, and it also causes higher levels of
infidelity.
They also found that the lower level of relationship satisfaction was then
related to infidelity. That’s why narcissists are likely to keep cheating even
after you’ve caught them once.
If you confront a narcissist about their infidelity, you might be met with a
number of responses. At first, they are likely to become enraged and
forcefully deny they’ve been unfaithful. This is narcissistic rage, and it can
be very intimidating. The idea is to distract you from pursuing any
further inquiry into the subject.
If you have evidence that proves their infidelity, the narcissist will then
try to blame either the person who tempted them into the affair or you
for what they did. They may say they were manipulated by the person
with whom they cheated or they may accuse you of cheating and claim
this is payback.
I don't think she realised that I

knew exactly where she went that
night and that she had been seeing
somebody else on the quiet aswell

CONFRONTATION
The hardest part of writing this chapter is finding out exactly the kind of "
monster " she really is ...... I truly believe the only thing she is sorry about
is that she got found out .Her whole life was built around deception and
lies , she kept her life private for a reason so once her " NARCISSISTIC
SUPPLY " has been used up she can make plans for a new supply .
I really don't know how many times she has done this in her life and
gotten away with it , using people then casting them aside as play things
once they begin question her behaviour and consistencies in her made up
fantasy stories that she called her life .

CONFRONTATION
Even with proof positive, they’ll underplay the significance of their

infidelity and try to place the blame on you or the person with whom they
had the affair. It’s important to know the truth so that you can determine
what works best for your situation.
When anyone cheats on you, it can create trauma that causes you to
develop emotional triggers in response to certain behaviors.
Some of the narcissist’s manipulation tactics need to be planned, and they

are likely aware of those behaviors. Other behaviors, however, are likely
so natural to them that they don’t even realize they’re doing them.

CONFRONTATION
It’s important to understand how a narcissist thinks and what they are
capable of doing so that you can be aware of their manipulation when it’s
happening. It’s important for protecting yourself to know the signs of
their toxicity.
The problem with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder
(NPD) is that they lack the empathy to understand the consequences of
their actions. They can’t put themselves in your shoes to understand how
their behavior hurts you. They also view their victims as mere extensions
of their own identity, so they feel like they have a right to do what they
want. They feel entitled to treat you in any way they want. They will likely
do just that as long as you allow them to act that way.
Narcissists also lack the ability to engage in self-reflection. They don’t

examine the reasons behind their behaviors. It’s easier for them to simply
blame you or to console themselves with the thought that the ends justify
the means. On the rare occasions when they may apologize for treating
you in a certain way, there’s usually a reason for that. There’s something
they are trying to get you to do or say. Even though they may tell you
they realize what they did and how it hurt you, that’s probably not true.
What they realize is you got angry and they need something from you.
They will also likely tell you that they will change, but that’s also not
something that’s likely to happen.
You might want to believe that they can really change, but it usually takes
years of long-term therapy for a narcissist to reduce their toxic
tendencies. It’s better that you accept that they won’t change so you can
make the best decisions for yourself.

CONFRONTATION
They don’t have any sense of loyalty or commitment, nor do they have
the ability to think or care how their actions will affect anyone else.
They’re incapable of the sort of emotional attachment that their partners
want so desperately to believe that they can feel, and they quickly get tired
of pretending just to keep you fooled. You’re nothing, after all, and having
to make this effort in the long term is beneath them

CONFRONTATION
The cheating doesn’t start when the narcissist loses interest in you, gets
mad at you, or something has gone wrong in the relationship. No, no… It
was there the whole time. You were never the only one, and there was
nothing you could ever do to make it so. It just gets more obvious as time
passes and they get sick of pretending for you.
They don’t consider it cheating because they were never committed or

attached to any of their partners in the first place; they don’t consider it
wrong because for them, nothing they decide to do is wrong and the ends
always justify the means; and they very honestly do not give a damn how
you feel about it.

CONFRONTATION
Narcissists want variety, and don’t want to settle down or cater to meet the
needs of one person for the rest of their lives. The thought of that is
insane to them. They love the idea of people being loyal to them, but that
will never be reciprocated back. They want to be able to sleep with
whoever they want without question, and expect you to put up with it, or
else you will be tossed aside in an instant. They want to be able to flirt
with neighbours, strangers, your friends, your family, co-workers or any
random person they met online or at a club and they expect you to look
the other way & accept it, or else you are crazy, jealous, insecure and
controlling.

CONFRONTATION
The unfortunate truth is that narcissists do not really fall in love with
people. They fall in love with their projections of whomever they
currently idealize as the perfect mate. They can sound convincingly in
love, but that is because they temporarily believe in the fantasy version of
you created in their mind.
The reality is that narcissistic love is quite shallow and ultimately depends
on how perfectly you embody their fantasies and how well you are
meeting their needs. It is all about them and not about you .

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
APOLOGIES
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
APOLOGIES
Healthy people apologize because they recognize that they did something
that hurt you, they understand why it hurt you, they feel remorse for it,
and they want to modify their behavior so it won’t happen again. It’s
different for a narcissist.Narcissists have difficulty taking responsibility
for anything wrong they’ve done. They are extremely sensitive to
criticism and because of their low self-esteem, they cannot face it when
they have done something wrong. That makes them unlikely to apologize
for anything.
If they are pressed to apologize, the apology means something different to

the narcissist than it does to a healthy person. Where the healthy person
feels remorse, the narcissist feels like they have done something for you
and now you owe them.
She didn't reveal much about her true identity when she was in my life ,
but there is one thing I do know about her is that she finds it's almost
impossible to take accountability for some she has done wrong .
If she does finally feels that a half hearted apology is needed from her it
will be given but only after she has been backed into a corner .
SHE WILL DEFEND HER WRONG DOINGS BY ANY MEANS

NECESSARY .

APOLOGIES
Most narcissists don’t have the capacity for self-reflection, and thus, they
don’t really understand or care how their behavior impacts other people.
They may know that apologizing gets them out of hot water and makes
them look good, but they don’t really see how their behavior affected you.
I found out from somebody that she was already moving away to
Peterborough this was probably part of her great escape , she needed to
try and limit the damage that my so called document of her " infidelity "
could bring to her reputation once I had circulated it ....... Or so she would
think ......... This was when her acting skills came out as she attempted to
manipulate the truth about where she was going .
This woman was incapable of telling the truth I've known her long enough
to realize just one thing about her ........... Being honest is not in her
vocabulary.

APOLOGIES
She is very devious and must of got so angry when I found out she was
moving to Peterborough ( I even managed to get her address , it's amazing
how resourceful you can be when you need to find the truth about
someone ) .
She had no intention of moving back to London or being with her sister
she is still in Peterborough now ....... And it wouldn't surprise me if she was
still will her original boyfriend.
Even when I finished the first part of the document the threats from her
soon came out .......
She actually threatened to contact

the police on both of us because
in her eyes she was the victim
now , and all she did was make a
mistake .

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
DELUSIONAL
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
DELUSIONAL
Your love was very real. Theirs may have been convincing, but it was not
real. They did not feel any of the vulnerability, trust, or bonding that you
did. They observed and mimicked what you expressed, but they did not
feel it. They were wearing a mask. This is why it’s so simple for them to
drop & replace you at a moment’s notice, while it takes you months or
years to recover.
When you first met them and during the initial weeks of getting to know
them and becoming intimate, you were dating their mask, a phantom, a
work of creative fiction. They’re a creature devoid of emotion and
empathy,
They notice things in you that they lack in there life , you are an escape
from there normal life or Kong term relationship they are already in .
They hide a secret relationship with somebody else and do everything
they can to keep up the pretence of being single .
You provide them with things there own relationship doesn't have such as
, love , sex , friendship , excitement and above all support ....... You will
made to feel like you are the LOVE OF THEIR LIFE don't fall for it !!!!!!
Eventually that mask will begin to slip and they may even reveal part of
their true self to you ........ By that time it may be too late .
She didn't seek no help ......... This was all part of her plan so I would go
easy on her .
DELUSIONAL
Blame-shifting is a manipulation technique that narcissists and other

emotionally abusive controlling people will use to distract attention from
their behavior and shift the responsibility for any errors to someone else.
Usually, this tactic requires that the narcissist knows your weaknesses,
tendencies, likes, and dislikes.
Narcissists are very adept at spotting people who don’t like conflict and
like to keep the peace. This plays into their manipulation because they
know that conflict makes you uncomfortable. Another weakness they can
easily spot is any insecurities you might have or doubts about yourself
that you might feel.
When i knew everything , apparently I was partly to blame why our
relationship had ended the way it did , even though she was telling me she
loved me more or less everyday until I blocked her , she told me her
feelings for me had changed that's why she got involved with that other
guy . There was never any mention of her being in a long term on and off
relationship with her boyfriend / fiance from the very beginning !!!!! She
seems to have a selective memory when it came to that part of her life .

DELUSIONAL
It was around October and I had caught the flu so wasn't feeling my best
but I did receive this WhatsApp message from her ....... And it seemed like
she generally loved and missed me .But alot can happen within the space
of a few days as I found out later .
Little did I know the next day after this message she would be in a hotel
room with another guy . She even messaged me the next day to tell me
she loved me ....... I never even replied to it maybe deep down I knew
something wasn't right .

DELUSIONAL
Her mobile phone was an essential tool to aid her in her narcissistic
behaviour...... And it was never out of her hand especially on nights out
where she guarded it from prying eyes .Even when we were together she
made sure the phone was always face down when in view or she would
even put it inside her bag .
I REMEMBER SEEING THIS PHOTO ON FACEBOOK AGES AGO , I

WAS ACTUALLY SUPPOSE TO ATTEND THIS MEET UP BUT I HAD A
PRIOR ENGAGEMENT ........ IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY AT THE PIC YOU
WILL NOTICE ONE THING , HER PHONE IS THE ONLY ONE FACE
DOWN ON THE TABLE .
This was normal behaviour for her and became more prevalent just
before she was making plans for the other guy to come back to work .......
Remember by this time I wasn't giving her the attention she needed I was
beginning to become distant from her ..... With good reason .

DELUSIONAL
We always used to travel by bus to and from work when we first got
together but things started to change when she moved to chingford and
was getting off part of the journey home to walk the rest of the way
......where she lived the bus we went on didn't go there direct so it would
work out better if she walked it......... She did used to to complain about the
walk and especially if you had been working all night it must of been
tiring .
Its only now I realize one of the main reasons she got with this guy was
probably for this exact reason ......... It was perfect , he lived in the same
area and he had a car ......... But this might be purely conjecture.
But at around the same time she had sent pictures to both of us is when
she had lured him in .
And this was the beginning of her new

supply all she needed was to probably get
him to start work at her department and it
would be perfect for her .

DELUSIONAL
I was becoming more suspicious of her especially when she had her phone
with her , I can remember on numerous occasions the phone calls she
used to get while we were at the bus waiting for the bus home .
She always spoke in Lithuanian when she took these calls ( which I totally
understood being her native language ) but something just didn't sit right
she would always make a gesture of grabbing my arm whilst on the call ,
maybe trying to hide the fact who she was really talking to and this way it
made it less suspicious.
I did ask her on a few occasions her was on the phone but it was always
her " cousin " calling her at 06:30 in the morning when I distinctly heard a
male voice on the call ........ She always had a good excuse and because I
couldn't speak Lithuanian I had no choice but to believe her .
A few times I pretended to be asleep on the bus so I could watch her with
her phone , I would close my eyes but keep one eye semi open ...... I
remember faking waking up on the bus once to check her reaction and it
more or less confirmed my suspicions. She immediately turned the phone
over and started to panic ....... There was definitely something going on .
I even brought this up when her secrets came out ....... Even her response
showed no remorse ....... She even partly blamed me for not saying
anything.

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
ACCOUNTABILITY
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
ACCOUNTABILITY
When a narcissist does something wrong they do not have the ability to
accept the wrongdoing. Their inner voice is already so critical so to avoid
further injury to their unstable sense of self, they project blame onto
others. In people who don’t have narcissistic personality traits, they are
able to acknowledge a wrongdoing, admit fault, and make changes. To
acknowledge fault and accept blame brings a sense of calming and feels
good because you have righted a wrong you felt in yourself.
To the person with narcissistic personality traits, to accept responsibility

doesn’t feel good or provide resolution. It brings up more hurt and
negative feelings. As a result, the better option for the narcissist is to
project blame. The fastest way out of the negative feelings they are
experiencing is to put the blame on someone else.
One of the most destructive and disturbing narcissistic personality
disorder traits is a severe lack of accountability. This is in fact one of the
most powerful warnings that you are dealing with an individual who has
Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This narcissistic personality disorder trait shows up when this person
never admits being wrong. It was not their fault, someone else was to
blame, and they will employ all sorts of tactics and defences to avoid
being accountable.
When dealing with this narcissistic personality disorder trait you will feel
that the harder you try to get this person to take responsibility and
accountability, the more toxic the conversation becomes. This person will
use any tools in their arsenal such gaslighting and projecting to make sure
they do not have to admit fault.
Rather then admit fault she made plans for her great escape , to move as
far away from London as she could which would mean less chance of her
bumping into somebody she knows who knows all about her secrets .
When I first done the document to expose her I only showed it to a
handful of people I knew ...... I actually got talked out of circulating more
by a close friend of mine .

ACCOUNTABILITY
A very close friend of mine was messaging around about the same time
this all happened ........ But I couldn't reply to him at first , he knew her
aswell as he also used to work for the same company which is how I met
him .
He actually moved to Spalding which isn't that far away from
Peterborough which is quite spooky as he thought he saw her in that area
the last time we were in contact .
I told him about the document I had done and he convinced me not to
circulate it no more ......

CHAPTER THIRTY
TRAITS
AND
TRUTH
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
TRAITS AND TRUTH
Having N.P.D is like going through life always on the defensive. If you are
Narcissistic, your self-esteem is always on the line. You tend to feel
insulted and criticized when no insult or criticism is intended. In addition,
you lack emotional empathy. You do not feel any pain when you hurt
other people, or if you do, it is much less than the average person feels. As
a result, your sensitivity is all one-way: you may attack someone else for
the slightest misstep or even for using the wrong word, while you know in
your heart that this person could be dying in front of you and all you
would feel is annoyed at the inconvenience.
They say and do things that hurt other people without seeming to care
about causing pain. Sometimes they are oblivious to other people’s
reactions because they are so focused on themselves. If you point out that
they said something that hurt you, they are likely to either make light of
it, “I didn’t mean it that way. You are too sensitive,” or turn around and
outright attack you
In her mind all she did was make bad choices and can not understand the
concept that she was still with the same guy on and off from the beginning
, and had other relationships with numerous other men while she was still
with him ......... This is something she would never admit to .
im sure when I found out everything from that other guy she seemed to
think I was upset because she had gone with him ........ She lives in fantasy
world where she hasn't the intellectual capacity to acknowledge the fact
that she cheated on her long term boyfriend with atleast 5 or 6 of us
within the time of me knowing her .

TRAITS AND TRUTH
Ive seen many of these traits displayed by her especially when she got
caught , it was actually in equal measure between the two where anger
turned to empathy according to what responses she was receiving .
Looking back in hindsight I probably shouldn't of told her about the
document and even gave her the link to the finished project which in my
opinion was conceived by my state of mind hell bent on revenge What I
have wrote here will shock alot of people , I have kept a low profile for
over 2 years now , researching material on her condition and also going
back in time looking into my life when I first met her . I had to travel
down this " rabbit hole " so to speak and it's been difficult at times but it's
something I needed to do in order to write this material .
Doing this has also given me a greater understanding of the kind of
person she is and what she was capable of .

TRAITS AND TRUTH
Deep down I think she enjoys the fact she has multiple partners in her life
i think she craves the attention that much that it doesn't matter from how
many men she gets it from .
When one isn't available she will contact another one and has no shame in
contacting another man whilst being with one .......... Infidelity became
second nature to her , maybe she had been cheated on before in her life
and thought this was normal in a relationship .
Even reading the above message

you realize one thing ....... She
shows no remorse , she doesn't
even know how to apologize
properly.
This is from a person who isn't

sorry at all , she's more concerned
about her own life then the life's
she has manipulated for years .

TRAITS AND TRUTH
In order for me to find out the truth about this woman especially the
rumours I had heard about her when I first started working at the same
company ...... It required me to do some detective work .
I was quite friendly with a girl from work and I decided to message her on
Instagram to seek out a bit of clarity on something we had talked about a
few years back ....... And unfortunately I failed to heed the warning she
first told me about her .
Before me and her got closer she was working on the Nightshift and
apparently this was another opportunity for a new supply .

TRAITS AND TRUTH
Despite its origin from a figure in ancient Greek mythology, the modern
term “narcissist” typically refers to people who exhibit traits associated
with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is recognized as a
psychological issue and life limiting illness by the scientific community.
There are many different views regarding causes and treatments. Classic
signs of a narcissist can have profound negative effects on the mental
health of friends, family members, and coworkers.
Narcissists often cheat because they have little to no self-control. It’s not
usually in their nature to resist the temptation to feed their ego with new
sources of attention.
Poor impulse control, a big ego, exaggerated feelings of self-importance,
delusions of grandeur, lack of remorse, empathy and shame, and a
constant need for narcissistic supply are the key reasons why narcissists lie
and cheat on their partners.
Most of all, they simply think they can get away with it.

TRAITS AND TRUTH
I e thing I did find strange about her after we started getting closer was
how she reacted when she thought people were talking about her , or if
you did mention you had a conversation with somebody about her ....... A
different side of her would come out . It was as if she needed to know
exactly what the conversation was about and got angry at you for not
disclosing anything ...... She would casually slip it into the conversation
almost light heartedly, her mood would soon change one you didn't
reciprocate to her questions.
An incident did occur all because of me having an innocent conversation
with one of me friends at work which involved her .

TRAITS AND TRUTH

TRAITS AND TRUTH
If she ever thought for one second you would be talking about her or even
if she spotted you talking with someone and you both look at her ..... Her
paranoia would manifest itself deep inside her brain .
It's that incessant need to find out exactly what you were talking about and
if it reflected on her in a positive light , and it wasn't the first time it
happened and just not to me that other guy experienced the same kind of
thing .

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
FOREWARNINGS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
FOREWARNINGS
From time to time, nearly all of us make mistakes that hurt others.
Fortunately, an earnest apology can soothe feelings, rebuild trust, and
infuse healing into a damaged relationship.
Authentic and heartfelt apologies, however, are rarely given by narcissists.
Attending to others’ feelings or rebuilding trust are generally not

narcissists' top priorities. narcissists focus on preserving their image and
protecting themselves from discomfort—regardless of the discomfort
they cause others.
This is a topic I can definitely relate to because I've experienced this first
hand when I first got to know her. She always found it difficult to
apologize for being in the wrong about anything and even when you
question something she has said or done wrong you are immediately met
with hostility....... In her eyes you were against her and not supporting her
. This was one of many of her narcissist traits that I dismissed as being a
flaw in her personality, I took it as being headstrong .
We did clash on numerous occasions because I'm the type of person who
will stand up for myself or others if I feel like she is in the wrong .
Its only now that I understand why she was like this and the way she
behaved , having N.P.D you are oblivious to people's feelings you and will
lack empathy most of the time ....... I think on the rare occasions she
showed this was when she wanted something .
On this chapter I will be looking back at incidents over the last 3 years of
me knowing her where we will delve more deeply into her behaviour and
probably see early signs of her disorder which i mistook for her being "
difficult " .
These were definite warning signs of what I would later experience .....
There will be quite a few examples of the accusations I had to contend
witch included her questioning my infidelity........ When I look at now was
probably her way of accusing me of doing something she was doing .

FOREWARNINGS
She always had a problem with my friendship with one particular girl I
knew maybe because she is one of the nicest people I've ever met and it
wasn't difficult to see why everybody liked her ........ I don't think I ever
heard a bad word said about her in all the years I've known her .
Like this girl told me once she would always see this girl as a " THREAT "
I cant think why as me and her were only ever good friends .
Maybe she was doing this to smokescreen her own infidelity ..........

FOREWARNINGS
When I decided to go no contact with that girl after the new year it meant
that I would have to sacrifice going to our company's Christmas party ,
I've always enjoyed going to them but this year felt different I didn't want
to be around her especially if she will pretend that we are still " close " etc
........ Remember I got on with everybody there and if people noticed
friction between us ...... I wouldn't be afraid to say something .
Valentina messaged me during the afternoon to see if I was going to the

party ...... I filled her in on what I had my suspicions of so far .
As far as I knew at this stage I had no idea that she had been living with
her boyfriend in secret for a few years , so Valentina assumed she had just
got with another guy ........ We were all fooled and that included that guy
she was now with .

FOREWARNINGS

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
SUSPICIONS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
SUSPICIONS
Love can make you do stupid things sometimes and you get blinded by
the promise of a better life , they may not be perfect but they are perfect
for you ...... Flaws and all , but be wary !!!!!! If something doesn't feel right
about a certain scenario then you need to trust your gut feeling.
Don't let your heart rule your head like I did because the start of the
manipulations were right Infront of you from the very beginning and you
got convinced otherwise.
When we first started on the Nightshift this is when we all met this guy "
DARRELL " ( I've decided to use his name in context to the information
I'm going to provide )
I think he fancied himself as a bit of a " ladies man " but he got numerous
knock backs in his attempts to make moves on the girls but I kept an eye
on him ..... Because something didn't seem right about him especially
when he was flirting with her right Infront of me I'm not stupid I had to
call him out on it .
This was when I was made out to be the bad guy ..... It was almost like she
was defending him

SUSPICIONS
So that Darrell was in long term relationship for 8 years and because I
confronted him about things ....... She started accusing me of being too
hard on him !!!
There was actually a warning signal a few days previous he decided to give
us both a lift home in the morning and this was where I got suspicious of
both of them ....... She said goodbye to me when I got out of the car like I
was a casual acquaintance not like I was her boyfriend it was as if she was
trying to hide her relationship status Infront of him ...... Hence why he
began flirting with her , it was too obvious.
I was even trying to laugh it off ......... But her behaviour was strange

SUSPICIONS
A few days after that car scenario is when I confronted him about his
flirting , the way I saw it if he could be so open about flirting with other
women especially my girlfriend right Infront of him she must of not told
him we were together.......... Something definitely didn't add up .

SUSPICIONS
A few weeks after this he quit the job , I must admit I didn't like him at all
but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and I think he got
invited to a meet up at the local pub .... I went along but was civil towards
him .
He actually brought something up about what happened that night ......

That was another time when we left the pub and she did her disappearing
act making out she had too much to drink again ........ I actually found out
exactly where she went that night .
And this is how it starts , forget what lies they tell you to convince you that
what you see is all in your head because it's all part of the way they
operate ....... She set the wheels in motion but I still had no idea I would be
seeing him again .
Later on he would tell me the real reason he left work because of the
atmosphere she has created and he wasn't the only one doing the flirting.

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
QUOTES N STUFF
PART 2
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
"I will hurt you for this. I

don't know how yet, but
give me time. A day will
come when you think
yourself safe and happy,
and suddenly your joy will
turn to ashes in your
mouth, and you'll know the
debt is paid. "

TYRION LANNISTER
GAME OF THRONES
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
Karma comes after

everyone eventually. You
can't get away with screwing
people over your whole life,
I don't care who you are.
What goes around comes
around. That's how it works.
Sooner or later the universe
will serve you the revenge
that you deserve.
JESSICA BRODY
THE KARMA CLUB
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
" Beware of the fury of a

patient man "
JOHN DRYDEN
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
If you prick us do we not

bleed ? If you tickle us do
we not laugh ? If you
poison us do we not die ?
And if you wrong us shall
we not revenge ?
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
MANIPULATIONS
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
MANIPULATIONS
Narcissists lie effortlessly and are very convincing. They experience

pleasure from lying because they lack the normal range of human
emotions. They are empty and bored, they lack empathy for others, and
they do not feel shame or remorse. This emptiness also enables them to
lie with minimal effort. They can look people straight in the eye and lie
quickly and without guilt, even when confronted with probing questions
and evidence of the previous deception. It is also easy for them to deny
the lies, make up excuses, and project their own behavior on to others,
which is, of course, a lie in itself.
When the victim confronts the NPD with solid evidence of a misdeed,
they will be met with lies. Not only will the NPD lie and deny it ever
happened, but they are also likely to attack. This is where the gaslighting
begins. They will attempt to twist the event around to become the fault of
the victim.

MANIPULATIONS
The end of a relationship is often difficult, but breaking up with a

narcissist is a whole new level of confusion and heartbreak.
Narcissistic relationships generally follow predictable patterns, and the
breakup is referred to as the “discard,” the dictionary definition of which
is “getting rid of someone or something no longer useful or desirable.”
The difference between a typical breakup and a discard is that during a
normal split, both parties are generally sad. The initiator is usually able to
recognize that the other person’s feelings are hurt, and will have some
sense of guilt .
One very common behavior that occurs during the discard is a distortion
of the truth. Narcissists will make up their own versions of reality
regarding the details of the breakup. Why? Mainly, to preserve their ego.
Whatever the reason for the relationship’s end, it will always be your fault.
Eventually the lies and stories you tell will be exposed , she was very
clever in concealing the truth even to the point of accusing you of
cheating and not caring about her in the first place .She was out to make
me feel as guilty as possible even comparing herself to my ex Michelle
there was no limit to what she would say in order to shift the blame .
This is a prime example of what she is capable of after we came out the
nightclub as she went off with another guy , she later told me nothing had
happened and she got a cab " STRAIGHT HOME " she never did !!!! She
went to one of her friends house where she knew the brother of one of
her friends would be there .She had been seeing him secretly as I
eventually found out and she even lied about it when I asked her .
I did briefly cover this incident before but this is the full transcript of the
actual conversation me and her add that very night and early part of the
morning .
I was walking the streets trying to clear my head and even was accused of
being with someone.

MANIPULATIONS
I remember when we left the club and went outside to go home , she went
off with that other guy and totally ignored me when I called her .
Sending me a picture of
her crying ...... I actually
believed she was sorry and
upset when she sent this .
It was all part of her

manipulations

MANIPULATIONS
Eventually I found exactly where she went that night and even found out
she had been seeing one of her friends brother after lying that she had
split up from me , when it was me that cooled it off for a little while ...... It
was literally a few months .
But it didn't stop her from finding somebody else during that time and
then lied about it when I asked her .

MANIPULATIONS

MANIPULATIONS

MANIPULATIONS

MANIPULATIONS
This was another major red flag and I still gave her another chance

MANIPULATIONS
I even asked her again , just maybe i thought she was going to come clean
and admit what really happened ..........
This is how fucked up she is , because it wasn't Alex she had been with but
gone to see Joana's brother that night instead she wasnt lying ......

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
DEFENCE
AND
ATTACK
DEFENCE AND ATTACK
I've had disagreements before in relationships, who hasn't ? I think it's part
and parcel of the whole learning process especially when you're with
someone ....... But I've never experienced a meltdown like this before
......,..,..... Maybe this was a sign of what was to come ?

DEFENCE AND ATTACK

DEFENCE AND ATTACK

DEFENCE AND ATTACK

DEFENCE AND ATTACK

DEFENCE AND ATTACK

DEFENCE AND ATTACK
The biggest problem I had at this moment was this incident happened on
the Saturday and we both start work Sunday night in the same
department ....... This was probably why she was calling me non stop .
As you can see she started getting angry and blaming me at the beginning
and then started being nicer when that tactic got no response

DEFENCE AND ATTACK
I had blocked her on WhatsApp so only let her send her defence and
attack messages via Facebook messenger, in hindsight I shouldn't of gone
to work that night I even got a different bus so I wouldn't have to see her
on the same journey ......... She was clever though she was still calling me at
at 21:30 trying to make the piece because she knew that the other people
we work with would notice something wrong between us .

DEFENCE AND ATTACK
For the next two weeks things were difficult it wouldn't be so bad if we
worked on different shifts but we literally worked together and actually
wre a good team when it came to our jobs ...... But I still needed some time
apart from her I just didn't trust her .
She even started to tell me who she had contacted on her phone to prove
she was loyal .......
By the beginning of October we had got back together ..........

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
RELATIONSHIPS
RELATIONSHIPS
A person with a narcissistic personality cannot maintain one relationship

or be faithful in one relationship. Even if the narcissist stayed in one
relationship you will discover later that he or she had multiple affairs
while being in the relationship. Just remember this isn’t a personal choice
the narcissist makes this just part of their condition, and they have to live
with it. Narcissists love playing mind games in relationships or with
people around them.
When we’re in the early stages of a relationship – be it romantic or

platonic – with a narcissist, their traits can often be more covert and
nearly impossible to detect.
Sudden changes in a person’s demeanour often make us wonder if we did

something wrong to lose their affection, or if we’re just being overly
sensitive about their behaviour.Most relationships with a narcissist follow
a specific cycle with three main stages: idealization, devaluation, and
discard. These stages are defined by how they treat their partner to get
what they want out of them.
When you get into a relationship with a true narcissist, the relationship
tends to move quickly. It’s common to feel as though you’ve known them
your whole life or that they are the perfect person for you. In a matter of
weeks, a narcissist will begin taking the relationship forward. Many
narcissists will use phrases like, “You’re my soulmate,” “I’ve never felt this
way about anyone before,” or “We’ll be together forever,” in the first few
weeks of dating.
Once the relationship has moved forward and you believe that the
relationship is meant to be, the true personality of a narcissist will start to
show. While still showing you affection, they’ll begin putting you down
and criticizing you more frequently in an attempt to chip away at your
confidence. They’ll always be the victim of these stories which are often
painful and traumatic. Showing themselves in a vulnerable position helps
them strengthen your trust in them. If you are empathetic, you’ll likely
want to help them ‘fix’ the hurt they are feeling.

RELATIONSHIPS
It's easy to be fooled into thinking they are in love with you to , but their
idea of love should not be confused with the love you feel for them .
We tend to feel special when we feel loved. The problem for narcissists,
though, is that they don’t trust that they are really loved. Most of them
have never felt loved in their lives, and so they doubt that they can
actually be loved.”
Narcissists can’t grasp the concept of love as a mutual devotion that

includes acceptance of flaws. Love does not sustain them, it feels elusive
and unsafe.” The problem is, that to the narcissist, admiration feels
safer.It feels safer, because we can earn admiration through our
achievements. Hence, for the narcissist, admiration feels much more like
something they can control, something they can work for. This very much
applied to her she was career driven to the point where she had a
delusional sense of grandeur especially in how she communicated with
colleagues.

RELATIONSHIPS
The way narcissists typically experience relationships is characterized

predominantly by a superior self and a devalued other, which, when
something rattles the narcissists sense of self-worth, can rapidly shift to a
devalued self and a superior other. In other words, relationships for the
narcissists are uneven and imbalanced, and the narcissist is usually
vaguely aware that they vacillate between idealizing and devaluing others.
She was very clever here and had the perfect cover if I ever did question
her behaviour in the relationship....... She would just blame it on her
inexperience of being in a " proper " relationship or the other alternative
excuse she would use is when she feels like she has the world's troubles on
her shoulders .
Their ability to gaslight their victims into believing in them, their capacity
to dupe multiple victims, to manipulate and manufacture fabrications
long-term is what makes them such stellar performers.

RELATIONSHIPS
Narcissists are actors playing a role, and the only change to the script is
the supporting cast . I want you to think of a narcissist as a chameleon that
can change who they are based on who they are with.
When the narcissist first meets with a prospective ‘new supply’ the intense
way they want to get to know you seem so charming and attentive but
please don’t be fooled. That interview is giving them the exact script they
need to play to win you over.
It was true ..... She was very convincing and this is how she operates in
order to lure you in .
Even when she got with Darrell she told him our relationship had failed
because of my lack of effort which was just a way of her shifting blame
from herself ....... I had just had enough of her it got to a stage where I
didn't believe anything she told me anymore and this is why she told him
the relationship had ended.
Its crazy but she was still telling me she loves me while being with him
and her real boyfriend at the same time ....... This is how she kept multiple
supplies all at once .

RELATIONSHIPS
I found out she was still seeing her boyfriend when I first started seeing
her apparently they must of split up for awhile and he moved to
Sunderland ...... Another one of infamous trips away with her " aunt or
cousin " ..........
There was definitely 3 of us her life when all this came out , I think her
whole life revolved around what her victim could give her ..... And if they
ever started to suspect her of any wrong doings she would look for a new
supply ......
All this is done in preparation for eventually discarding you or eventually
being discarded by you. It’s common for narcissists to cheat on their
partners. They always fear the possibility that they will lose their
narcissistic supply and/or be exposed as the real — and terrible — person
they believe themselves to be. So, they line up another source of supply in
the wings for what they know will be coming, and they may even leave
you before you can leave them.
She planned things perfectly.......... And her excuses to be with her other
victims were believable at the time ......... But I would end up knowing
better eventually........

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
MIND GAMES

MIND GAMES
This was a statement from the other guy which gives you an idea of how
her mind works in order to find a way into you life , wether it be through
your personal life , past relationships and even sex . She used a variety of
techniques to gather information from you in order to prep you for her
new supply ....... She will even test you to find out of you would be jealous
if you found out if other guys found her attractive , casually bringing it
into the conversation to get a reaction from you .
There was another incident I recall when this guy kept on messaging her
all the time , it was strange as she thought it was only right that she didn't
hide it from me but also felt it necessary to keep replying to him ........it
planned out exactly how she wanted it got the desired reaction from me .
They do nothing without fully planning it out and believe me they cover
every single angle! I once thought that everyone deserves a chance in life
to change- we are only human and go down the wrong road sometimes!
Have faith I said! Believe everything everyone says because I don’t lie - so
why would someone do that to me? Right?? Wrong!! Every single word
that came out of her mouth was a lie!
I don't even think she was playing a game ..,.. she was the game !!!!! a game
constructed and invented by her and she decided who participated.
You’re the prize and that is to get you pulled into their game to play with
them because they are the star. You have no idea what the game is but be
prepared for serious narcissistic mindfuckery because that’s what it will be
the duration of the planned transaction.

MIND GAMES
One I realized the full extent of what she was up to I should of handled
situations with her a lot differently ........ I was been manipulated and didn't
even realize it at the time .
She's not stupid , she enjoys the drama this brings , the reaction from me ,
the jealousy ......... The argument she has purposely instigated.

MIND GAMES
Maybe in this text she was warning

me of what she is doing or what she
was gonna do to get the attention she
needs

MIND GAMES
She was gaining fuel here and it's what she lives for .... And it's all that she
cared about no matter what words came she spoke
Any positive/negative reaction will validate their importance and will feed
them fuel,you have to know in here that you are dealing with a deluded
full of imagination mindset who lacks Empathy,basically with a Con Artist
master manipulator,the harder you try to confront them or make sense of
their actions the more they will gain fuel and turn you to lunacy.

MIND GAMES
" A narcissist paints a picture

of themselves as being the
victim or innocent in all
aspects. Thus, they become
offended by the truth.
However, what is done in the
dark always comes to light,
albeit often beginning as
cracks in their public facade
as they attempt to project
their flaws onto others. "

CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
COVERT OPERATION
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
COVERT OPERATION
He was right !!! Her life was exactly like a movie script but the
only thing he got wrong was her character stayed the same
but was hidden behind her mask to hide her narcissistic
personality. A Narcissist is a great actor that draws from
his/her audience to create a reality that is believable or real
enough that the audience becomes completely engaged with
the story, emotions, beliefs, feelings, or all of it. The audience
in return believes this character, their fake script and engages
with them– unfortunately, the reality of it all is that it is only
a show and with a bad ending. Like a great actor, a Narcissist
draws from the audience/person to create a reality that is
believable and we, as the audience, become engaged with the
complete story, emotions, beliefs, feelings, and all. We
empathize with the character in that fake script and we
believe that show they put on for us. She was very convincing
in what she set out to do and it wasn't uncommon for her to
cry Infront of me especially if I didn't agree with something
she had said or did . She knew that in our early stages of our
relationship I hated see her crying or upset and I always
comforted her ...... I'm sure she must of programmed herself
to think crying was used to validate her lies and stories .

COVERT OPERATION
As we worked nights it was getting difficult for us to see each

other out of work , especially as she was doing university a
few days a week after the morning shift ....... So I'm guessing
she needed an additional supply and she soon set the wheels
in motion to accomplish that . This was around the time she
started communicating with that other guy via Facebook
messenger while she was on the bus with me and also during
our breaks that we spent together.I knew something was
suspicious because we weren't allowed to bring our mobile
phones inside the warehouse due to company policy but as
soon as we went outside she was constantly using it . To hide
the fact she was texting somebody she pretended she was
playing this game on her phone ...... It was the perfect cover
for her and it hid what she was really up to. That other guy
even told me when the messages started and how she lured
him in even posting pics on Facebook holding her coffee in
the morning near a road that he would notice instantly ........
She had not long moved to chingford and knew that guy was
still there from when we first worked with him .

COVERT OPERATION

COVERT OPERATION

COVERT OPERATION
All these email were sent at night on the 17th September it

was obvious she had been seeing him already and it was only
a matter of time before he started back on night shift .
Even in the first email she is telling him to act as though
nothing is happening between them when he does start work.
.I remember her sending me a text the next day telling me
she loves me ( yet again ) and also telling me she missed the
bus , looking back now it wouldn't surprise me if he gave her
a llift to work part of the way and she had no intention of
getting the bus .

COVERT OPERATION
I actually got them emails from that other guy after her
secrets came out and it tied most of the things up especially
when he started back at the company ......... As soon as he
came back I knew something was going on and her behaviour
started changing immediately........ It was too obvious.

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
MODUS OPERANDI
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
MODUS OPERANDI
A modus operandi (often shortened to M.O.) is someone's

habits of working, particularly in the context of business or
criminal investigations; but also more generally, it is a Latin
phrase, approximately translated as mode (or manner) of
operating .
The Narcissists modus operandi (or mode of operations) is

absolute and fundamental to the Narcissist’s survival in the
real world. The Narcissist can’t change and, most
importantly, they DON’T want to change so they create a
persona and de-create or camouflage their true self. They
create and then inhabit a fantasy world which becomes
reality for them and those they manage to brainwash.
The unfortunate part is that their lies and manipulation make
them believable because they imitate the very things that are
normal in our world – things like empathy, caring,
friendship, family, and love. None of these go very deep at all
and in time the mask slips and the real truth of how
disordered and destructive they are surfaces in the form of
abuse.
Remember the word abuse is not only associated in a physical
sense but also in a mental connotation aswell ...... You are not
dealing with a normal person here , this person will not regret
what they have done . The few people who do know about
some of this story in the document I circulated have probably
given her the benefit of the doubt and forgiven her .......
Hopefully if they read this they won't be so forgiving .........
she's very good at manipulating people and I for one will
never forgive her what she has done .

MODUS OPERANDI
As soon as he came back the lies became more frequent

especially when it came to her getting the bus to meet me .....
All of a sudden she was missing the the bus as it had come
early or she had got up late , deep down I knew what was
going on .....
28 SEPTEMBER
This was an interesting day and night ....... I didn't engage

much in conversation with her even when she started talking
about Tottenham I just sensed something strange so didn't
reply ...... I had every reason to though .That night she had
sex with Darrell in his car , she went for a meal with some
work colleagues and they went to the pub afterwards ......
Darrell picked her up from there .

MODUS OPERANDI
29 SEPTEMBER
I seriously think there is something wrong with her !!!! She

has sex with a guy the previous night and then tells me she
loves and misses me ........ This would be the first of many
scenarios like this , it's where she needs to keep all of her
victims still attached by continuous love bombing ......

MODUS OPERANDI
I don't really think this was triangulation, which occurs when

she is playing 2 guys off at the same time , her version was a
lot more sinister..... She was living with her secret boyfriend
for the last 2 years so had 3 options for her narcissistic supply
This was on the 20th of October she had gone out with that
other guy 2 days earlier ......

CHAPTER FORTY
THE AUNT
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
THE AUNT
The infamous " AUNT " the get out of jail free card for her ......
If she ever needed a believable excuse this would be it and it
was used on countless occasions from even when I first
started seeing her .
She would spend time with you ...... But would always have to
go at a certain time and this was a regular thing , she always
seemed to have a plausible excuse .
I wasn't the only one who noticed this and if it wasn't her "
AUNT " she would be seeing it would be her " COUSIN "
This was her excuse , and if I did question her about it I was
in the wrong and it would start into an argument ........ This
would be another familiar pattern .

THE AUNT
Sometimes you don't realize how twisted somebody is until

you see things from all angles it's like she was texting that guy
while she was on the bus with me and now she has flipped the
script .
She was texting me while being in his car !!!!! They even
parked in a certain place actually near my bus route and
apparently she would watch the bus go over the bridge
knowing full well I was on it .

THE AUNT
The script did never change and her life was planned around
her wants and needs from multiple sources ...... Her family
excuses were executed without guilt ..... Her whole life was
built on lies and deception with no accountability for her
actions .
Her way of apology was to block as many people who could
possibly know about her and hopefully manipulate the few
people she has into believing that is was all a mistake and she
is sorry.
The aunt was her boyfriend who she has been with secretly
on and off from the start , they may split up from time to
time but they will always secretly find a way back to each
other ...... I think he has a daughter aswell ( who she called her
niece )

THE AUNT

CHAPTER FORTY ONE
THE MASK
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
THE MASK
Narcissists are actors and they play different roles for

different people. We call these roles ‘masks’. they try to keep
the mask up so you do not see what they are really like. The
expression you will hear often is that when the mask falls and
we see the real person it is not the same person. When a
narcissist drops their mask in front of you that screwed up
and forgot what role they were playing with you. This could
mean you saw an evil side to them that you never saw before,
don’t be surprised if they dump you after the mask falls. To
them when the mask falls the GIG is up and they start
moving on. I've only ever seen her mask slip off a few times
and this is when she is at her most defensive , especially when
she is backed in a corner trying to validate her lies and stories
.

THE MASK
How did we not figure this out sooner about her ? Neither of
us had ever been inside any place she lived and she always
told me she lived in shared houses ....... I think I only ever
went to one of her previous addresses and that was in a Uber
to pick her up on the way to somewhere else .
Her mask concealed her true identity and made her stories
more believable , but still occasionally came down if she
overheard somebody talking about her ..... And that included
her friends .

THE MASK
There you have it ...... Maybe this was her admitting what lies
behind that mask she wears but I didn't realize it at the time .
A NARCISSIST finally revealing themselves to somebody
who has no idea what they are dealing with . Manipulated
Into believing these lies as a way of " gaslighting " me .......
And at the time , it worked .

THE MASK
Covert narcissists are the worst type of narcissists. They

thrive by pretending to be something they are not. They
pretend to be altruistic, kind, and codependent. Covert
narcissists get what they need out of life by creating a false
self. Simultaneously, they hurt people in their most intimate
relationships by behaving pathologically narcissistic behind
the scenes.

THE MASK

CHAPTER FORTY TWO
BUS LIES
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
BUS LIES
" YOU WAIT AGES FOR A BUS AND THEN TWO COME
ALONG TOGETHER "
One of the most famous sayings associated to London buses

and it was a perfect excuse for her to use when Darrell came
back to work as it provided her with alternative transport.
You didn't need to be Einstein to figure out what was going
on here ....... I even encouraged her to go with him .......

BUS LIES
This was a regular occurrence now and by this time ...... I

didn't really care ....... She should really get an Oscar for this
performance.........

BUS LIES
I remember one time me and her were on the bus going

home in the morning maybe she needed to keep me happy
by going with me , narcissists need to keep all of there
supplies happy ........ Because they will need each one from
time to time .
Only problem with us going on the bus she got spotted
kissing me by one of the guys who worked in her department
it wasn't long before Darrell found out about it ......

BUS LIES
She soon made that Alex pay for opening his mouth and
nearly blowing her cover !!!! ...... She then proceeded to treat
him like shit until he finally walked out .
She was good at playing the victim , this would be the victim
where the whole world is on her shoulders and she is fighting
her demons at the same time ..... It was all bullshit.
It was her way of deflecting confrontation from me if I ever
questioned her about the bus always being late , or going
early or even her getting a lift with my " arch enemy " Who
actually avoided me at work at all costs .... It was perfect for
her , could you imagine if me and him buried the hatchet and
decided to be friends ? ....... She would of been exposed .

BUS LIES
Now it was time for her to perform ....... For her next
performance she will play the part of somebody at breaking
point while secretly having at least 3 men in her life ( that I
eventually knew of ..... Their may of been more ) she enjoys
the drama , the manipulations, the mind games and lies .
This is a performance I think she even convinces herself this

is all true sometimes all of this is done to seek attention .

BUS LIES
There was no limit to the lies coming out of her mouth she
even started bullshitting me about staying over in the
morning to help the morning shift for awhile ..... It was all lies
to cover the fact she went in the car with him and probably
stopped in a car part somewhere ........ I wasn't bothered
anymore ....

CHAPTER FORTY THREE
THE TRUTH
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
THE TRUTH
Because narcissists see the world differently, they also see

their truth differently. They often perceive their feelings as
facts. If they think something is wrong, they don’t just classify
this as a thought. To them, it’s their truth. And because they
believe that truth 100%, they don’t recognize that it may be
distorted.
Narcissists also tend to justify their lying automatically. For
this reason, they don’t necessarily classify lying as a
problematic issue. Instead, they see it as a means to an end.
Sometimes, they disregard it so quickly that they don’t even
register it as a lie.
5th December
She had been off work the previous night through illness and
messaged me again to say she wouldn't be in again ...... Darrell
was off aswell , he later explained what had actually happened
that day

THE TRUTH
5th December
This is Darrell's version of the them last few days

THE TRUTH

THE TRUTH
I decided that New year's Eve will be the time I would cut her
off completely , I didn't wanna be part of her life no longer ...
... I just didn't believe a damn thing she told me anymore so it
was time to break free .
She even sent me messages while she was getting ready to go

Stratford with Darrell ( she kept that part secret but he told
me later ) I seriously think she is deranged. He even told me
she would take her phone in the bathroom with her while she
was with him ..... Probably texting other guys me included .

THE TRUTH
I even wrote her a letter which was my way of closure at the

time but this was before I found out exactly what she had
been up to .

CHAPTER FORTY FOUR
I'M OUT
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
I'M OUT
I got no response from that letter not a thing , maybe she

sussed out that I knew the kind of person she was really like
and was too scared to face me ....... I got rid of all traces of her
in my house everthing she bought me I gave back to her or
destroyed it .
It was going to be the start of a new year and I really didn't
need it filled with lies and deception again ..... She could do
what she wanted , I was out of her game . Apparently she
wasn't too disappointed that I had blocked .

I'M OUT
The company I was working for was closing in march so I

knew I only had to put up with seeing them together for
another 2 months . They both kept out of my way and she
later told him another lie that I had blocked her because I
decided we couldn't be friends anymore ....... In reality this
must of suited her perfectly and backed up her previous lie of
me and her being just " good friends "

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE
EPILOGUE
BRIAN PHOKEERDOSS
EPILOGUE
I think quite a few people guessed that me and her were no

longer on speaking terms but nobody asked me directly , plus
I only confided in stuff with another guy there who I had met
quite recently . I'm so lucky he was there it made the last few
months bearable .Me and her had ceased communication
entirely and I felt like a great weight had been lifted from my
shoulder and it's probably something I should of done
months ago .
The weeks went by quite quickly and it wasn't long before it
was out last night working there , I remember walking from
the toilet to get ready to go home and that Darrell was
approaching me .
Im sure he tried to make small talk with me but I just
ignored him and walked straight ahead swearing under my
breath ........... .
I was actually quite sad on that day and kept my goodbyes to
a minimum I'm not sure why I did it that way because I knew
a hell of alot of people there and really wanted to at least say
thank you to a few of the managers who had helped me there
...... But I needed to get out quickly .
Most of the country was on lockdown during this time so it

was kind of perfect timing for me to take a break and
recharge myself , so I did this for a month and half .
It was the 13th may when I had a notification on Instagram to

say I had a new follower it was ........... DARRELL !!!!! and
nothing could prepare me for the information he was about
to disclose about ONA BANILYTE.
To be continued .......

Surviving The Covert Narcissist - The Devil You Know

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Surviving The Covert Narcissist - The Devil You Know

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SURVIVING

ALL I KNOW ABOUT HER UNTIL NOW,SHE

These are my memories, from my

To maintain the anonymity of the

" WHEN THE DEVIL

FIRST WRITTEN IN THE UK 2022

This is not a self help book My relationship with her

Remember we all deal with People are quick to judge you

EVERYBODY HAS A STORY AND IT NOT ALWAYS A

To everyone who has taken the time to check up on me

He told me as soon as he had I was getting closer to her

He was always waiting for It was strange but we got on really

It was difficult at first I used to message her when I was

GETTING CLOSER .....

The more time i was

I was talking to one of my

When she had joined that I wanted to spend more

My whole life at that time revolved around her, if

I was also friends with her on FACEBOOK but I hadn't noticed

But looking back now she knew how to emotionally manipulate

We were spending alot of time together especially around my

TRUTH AND LIES

When i first attempted to write everything down about her i done it in a

Narcissists or sociopaths have no empathy. They are focused on

Narcissists are lacking whole object relations. This means to them

If you expose an narcissist ,it's important to be prepared for their backlash

THE SADDEST THING ABOUT

Let's make one thing clear I was in a relationship with a COVERT

THE DEVIL YOU

The devil is perceived as having some major distinguishing features and

LIES AND DECEPTION

What is N.P.D ? this stands for NARCISSIST PERSONALITY DISORDER

UPSETS OTHER PEOPLE

My sister was in the kitchen helping with the Christmas dinner

I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own home but from time to time

THIS PERSON WILL SAY AND DO ANYTHING TO SAVE HERSELF

" Whoever fights monsters should see to it

17th SEPTEMBER 2019

12th JULY 13th JULY

Make no mistake about it, narcissists or people with Narcissistic Personality

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I

They feel no shame, no remorse, no sorrow, in what they do. They

Make no mistake about it, narcissists or people with Narcissistic Personality

Many people have fallen victim to the manipulative behaviors of a covert

THE TRUTH WILL

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

" JUST BECAUSE YOU

The messed up thing was she did tell

Narcissists have three phases;

I'm not sure of what I see

Interesting lyrics from the song SIGNS by SNOOP DOGG , it made me

You can't expose them in a satisfyingly, successful way because people

LIKE SHE SAID NOTHING WOULD

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

The covert narcissists tend to be passive aggressive. For instance, when

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

Overt narcissists, however, don’t doubt themselves. In their minds, they’re

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

CHARACTERISTICS OF A COVERT NARCISSIST

JOINING THE DOTS