LUCID DREAM By:Swati Singla Contents PREFACE 1. SARA AFTERLIFE 2. PINEGROVE 3. FIRSTTALK 4. INSANENESS 5. ABS ENCE 6. TRUTH 7.

THEREALHIM 8. DIFFERNECEIN OPINIONS 9. DEMON 10. THEVACATION 11 . PIHU 12. OPERATION 1. SARAS AFTERLIFE Date: 10.10.2014 Institution: CAMH (Centre for addiction and Mental Health), Tor onto. Ontario Psychiatrist: Dr Sarabjeet Walia Patients particulars: Name: Tyler Stewart Gender: Male Age: 21 Treated for: Depressive Illness CAMH recommended to patient by a general practitioner. Patient earlier treated f or milder depression by the same GP. He has attended counseling services and dro p in centers without any positive outcome. But lately the depressive symptoms ar e more severe. The symptoms include depressive mood most of the day. Markedly ha s diminished interest in all activities. Significant weight loss, a change of mo re than 5 % of body weight in a month. Insomnia. Addiction to few drugs. Recurre nt thoughts of death. Analysis: I consider the illness to be severe, though the events that may have triggered its onset are yet to be determined. Besides psych osocial interventions, I recommend a biological treatment for the patient. Psych otherapy will be secondary to the use of medication. A days dose of serzone (nefa zodone) is given and the patient is booked in for another session at 10.30 am on 11.10.2014. I finished the last note ofthe dayand shut mycyber pad restingthe penonits side. The computer logged me offina blink sayingSayonara Dr Walia. Its beensayingthis fo r about a year now, since Choualtered it. I stared at the clock impassively. It was five minutes past seven. This was the time ofthe dayI wishcould be erased fr ommylife. Time to go home. Ifa place where youuse a bed to sleep and a restroomt o shower is a home, thenyes it is myhome. Three blocks awayfromthe hospital. Three fourthofmysalarygoes inthe mortgage repayment ofthat one bedroomapartment, leavingme just adequate amount to buygroceries and paybills. I do manage to put some inemergencysavings account everyalternate month. Its just a habit. Illnever need it. I have medicaland accidentalinsurances, whichw illtake care ofmybills ifI end up disabled or sick anytime inlife. And there is no personthat willlook up to me incase ofanemergency.Family, yeahI have heard th at word somewhere. A dad who left mymother before mybirthand never came back for me, givingme a fee lingthat I was bornto a virginmother just like Christ, doesnt ought to count for a family. And a mother who paid for a sinwhichshe didnt atone inthe first place w as left withme as a reminder ofher failed arranged marriage, thoughshe happilyac cepted it and gave 21 years to more thanjust feed me. Three years ago she did wh at she must have done a longago. Remarriage. Paulis a nice guy. He has a sonfroma previous marriage. His exwife died ofcancer and it surelytook hima longtime to overcome despair. Theylook like a happyfamil yto me. But evenifmymother wants me to be, I amnot a part ofit. I stayawayfromhe r onpurpose. I amjust a reminder ofa tragedythat costed her, her youth. She dese rves better.Friends, I dont have and dont need. The whole point ofstayingnear to w ork is to escape anycontact withthe world that exists outside home and this hosp ital. I amnot social. I have tried to go out for drinks or dinner withwork colle agues sometimes but it doesnt work. ThoughI ama psychiatrist but I have failed to cure mymood disorders. The transit oryblues lead to prolonged depressionwhenI amout ofhome except for work. I know it is an illness.

I amtakingmedicationfor it. But that doesnt make me similar to Tyler Stewart inan yways. I amill, I amnot insane. The first questionhe asked me echoed againinmymi nd Why must I live doctor? I irritated picked up mybag, turned offthe light and wa lked out into the helter skelter ofthe world. The corridor was overflowingwithpe ople, evenat this hour ofthe day. Eacheye was onthe Led displays flashingthe num bers inthe queue. I offered to work extra hours to take offsome burdenfromthe eveningdoctors but m yapplicationwas declined. Thoughthe medicalpractitioners are exempted fromthe la bor standard hours ofwork but the people above doubted myevenhandedness to patie nts after 7 inthe eveningor after a 12 hours shift. But theyare consideringusingme for eveningshifts innear future. Its the busiest t ime ofthe day. Anextensive darkness, aneccentric seclusionand everythingexcept f or peace is not just myidea ofa night.Peace. Isnt it a strange word? Ifits not ins ocializing, its neither insolitude. The quieter I become the more I hear. I advis e mypatients everydaythat acceptance is the first step to inner calm. But I know acceptance is the hardest part to achieve. The remorse for somethingthat happen ed yesterdayhas become initiatingfactor ofmylife and also ofmanyofmypatients. I was onthe verge oflosingmyselffew years back. Whenmypsychiatrist told dont agoniz e, organize. And now I have a job and a house. I amorganized but I amno less ago nized. I dont have the abilityto forgive people who have left me allalone. Why was I not a priority to them? Why didnt they think what will I do, where will I go, How wi ll I survive? Theyleft me laid onthe cold hard ground to live and die alone. Whe re did I go wrong? You just cant turn your back on me and leave one day, youll hav e to give me reasons. Why? Was I nothing? I have so manyquestions but apparentlythe answers have vanished withthose acquai ntances. Theymade me feelthat I dont know who theywere, at all. The time and love I put to build up those relationships has gone invain. And the tragedyis that t heyhave forgottenme, but I cant forget them. Evenifits costingme mylife. Everytime someone asks me ifI amokay, its just a reminder that Imnot. I amcryinginside when I amnot feelingempty. Its exhaustingpretendingliving, to breathe inand out allday long. But someone once told me Be kind when you are sad. If youll become light to others God will show you light. I amactingkind ever since. Thats what I do 12 hour s a day, but I see no light. Maybe that was a lie too just like the other statem ents. I walked throughthe city. It was late but people seemed more awake thenever. Lig hts lit up inthe night and signs flashed. I could hear horns blaringeverywhere. The stars managed to twinkle and retaina charminallthe mock worldlylights. Skysc rapers reached up farther thaneye could see. And thenthere was another face ofthis city, veryclear to me. Under the florescen t lights it was a landscape painted bya palette ofdarkness. Inthe hustle and bus tle ofnight my eyes also contemplated the street signs directingthe emptylanes o ftraffic and the night lights standingwatchover the emptycorridors ofresidential buildings. This is a citywhere large darkened plazas are peppered witha face or two and there is also a solitarydriver returningfor the night. I stopped at the Thaitake awayperfunctorily. This place has beenfeedingme supper for past one year. The place was bright as usualand the music whichwas playingw as not trulyauthenticalbut maybe somethingfromBali. I didnt linger to gaze at the menu. I know myorder. I have decided a mealoptionfor eachdayina week. Its not ju st convenient. Its a habit. A veryold habit. I have had a time table for meals al lmylife.

 Hey dhoctor Ung, the little girlat the counter wished charminglyinher typicalacce nt. Hi Ung, How are you? Everythingthat came out ofmythroat outside the hospitalwa s tiresomelypredictable. Good. Yourself? Ungalways wanted to talk more, somethingt hat was more thancourtesyessentiallydemanded. Good Thanks. Can I have a mixture o f garlic mushroom with steamed jasmine rice I said witha smile. She was grabbinga cardboard boxbefore the words were out ofmymouth. Nice top dhoc she mumbled smili ngfillingthe boxes. Thanks I whispered. Myclothes come fromhome shop magazines or fromonline shops. Ladies would prefer dyeingrather thandoingthat. But I dont have tendencyto go around shopping, spendi ng hours inladies tryrooms. The top is baggyand too formal; I dont think Ung actuallymeans what she is saying . I think ifone dayI just disappear nobodywould notice except for her. I used to think the same about someone who was so similar to Ung. Someone who is engraved like a scar inmymemories. Maybe Ungis the reasonI have beencomingto th is place for one year now. Thanks. Have a good night. I murmured takingthe change and the boxes fromher. The boxes were stillscorchingagainst myfreezinghands whenI reached mybuilding. A huge brownenvelope whichseemed prettyheavywas badlychucked into mymailbox. It took me a lot ofeffort to pullit out safely. There were another two envelopes. I emptied mymailboxand unthinkinglyrushed towards the lift twistingthe brownpacke t inmyhand. It took me a microsecond to reachthe 22 ndfloor. I threw mybagonthe table and qu icklysplashed water onmyface once inthe apartment. I got changed to night dress and took the boxes and the envelopes to sit inmywindow bed. The view ofthe cityf romthis wallsize mirror was stunningat night, but somethingI wasnt interested in. One ofthe white envelopes had mysuperannuationstatement. Few randomcharities we re the beneficiaryto mysuper as for some reasonmomdeclined to become the nominee . Another envelope was mybank statement, I knew without evennotchingit. It was the quiet or else myheart was beatingcautiouslybut the sound ofthe beat was waytoo loud, whenI was openingthe brownpacket. It didnt mentionthe senders name onthe env elope but the stamps told me it was fromoverseas, fromIndia. There was a letter and a diary. A veryfeminine pink diary. Somethingwhichcouldnt be found inmarket n ow days. It seemed old but wellkept. And I remember seeingit somewhere. Few page s were stapled together, it seemed like a letter. At everymail, everysingle day, deep downI wishit is fromIndia, fromthat someone. ThoughI also know that would never happen. There would be no apologyand there would be no forgiveness. I star ted readingdizzily. Dearest Sara How are you? I hope that you are in the best of health and spirit. I talked to your mother yesterday. I dont know how to say it but you have complet ed education, you are at good job, now I think is time to take another step forw ard. Dont waste your adolescent years in sorrow and in anger. Move on. Even if sh e is not there with you to say but I know she wants you to not give up. Forgive her and try to forget her. Its hard but I know you can. I am sending you an old d iary of hers, which maybe I should have sent you a long ago. It helped me unders tand her better; maybe it will help you too. Its all in the stars, its destiny. T here is no one to blame. I also want something else from you; to me you are a da ughter so consider it as a demand not a request. I and uncle want you to spend t hree months in the year end with us like old times. We also want you to attend y our school reunion which is in December this year. Go back and face it Sara, exo rcise the demons from the past. You have had enough. Ill be waiting for you. Plea se find enclosed an air ticket. Uncle has requested a vegetarian meal for you. I

f you change the dates, do let us know. With lots of love and heaps of blessings Sujata Aunty As I read the letter the tears started rollingdownmycheeks. It brought up the pa inI trynot to remember everysecond ofmylife. How canI forgive her? She left me a imless and hopeless. How canI not ache withsorrow? And how canauntyforgive her? Evenifshe is her daughter, she cheated onus. And stillI miss her so much. How could she be ina better place thanme? She vanis hed fromsight and now evenfrommydreams. I dont want to read her diary. She loves him more thanshe loves me. I aggressivelythrew it inthe corner and layonthe floor. I had to press myheart w ithbothmyhands to stop it fromaching. I failed terribly. And I chocked before st artinghowling, its impossible to cryout the pain. No matter how hard and for how longI cry, I dont feelrelieved. It usuallyfades into sobs after few hours because mybodyretires not that the griefdiminishes. It was midnight bythe time I was sobbing. I uncomprehendinglystared into the sin ister. Beneaththe faint beamofa bulb mymedicaldegree captured myattention. I con templated it for fairlysometime before gatheringmyself. It took a lot ofeffort t o pullup myunresponsive corpse fromfloor and to walk to the bathroom. I reluctantlylooked at myselfinthe mirror. I saw a shadow ofher inthe mirror, an d whispered As a gift to myself, Ill never forgive you. But thena part ofme believed that I was equallyresponsible for whatever happened . I amthere for some randomdrugaddict:Taylor Stewart but I wasnt there for myfrie nd who was a sister, a mother, a family. No doubt she left without seeingme, she didnt count onme. Maybe its not just the sorrow but the guilt thats killingme. I t ried resolvingmythoughts. I microwave mydinner and almost crawled to pick up the diarywithtremblinghands. I was so scared to look at it as ifit willsomehow look back at me. I went to the same place, mywindow bed, tugged myselfinquilt and va guelyopened the diary. This time withmore hope thangrieve 2. PINEGROVESAMIYA It was dark whenI heard a clack sound. It took me a minute to realize, I was inb ed at home. Todaywas the daywhenI willbe headingto the place whichis actuallymy h ome inthe literalsense ofthe word.Pinegrove, a purelyresidentialcoeducationalscho ol, as youngas I am. Feels like it was yesterdaywhenI first saw that place hidde namidst the greenShimla hills. It was covered withthick and beautifulgrove ofpin es, situated onthe banks ofa brook inthe exotic valleyofKothar, inthe state ofHi machalPradesh. At the age ofsix and a halfI asked mum, Can we stay here longer? They say there a re snakes in this river, I want to see them. Mumtold me to take my time. Its been ten years now, seems like she reallymeant what she said. I still try to find sna kes in that brook which I once thought was a river. But later turned out to be v ery shallow, confined within a bed of rocks and seasonal; thus having the charac teristic of being recurring and perennial which to some extent qualified it as a stream. Once, it stayed dry for months and I wondered maybe it has decided to c hange its course, which really upset me. I justified to myself that it was illog ical scrutinizing my very lack knowledge of environmental geography. Another tim e, the stream flooded, overflowed its banks and covered the adjacent lands which were less of floodplain and more of football ground. There were rumors that the school was cursed and all would die fromflood inthe so called river whichI late r started doubting. For three months ofwinter break at the end ofeachacademic year I had to come and staywithmyparents. This year I was home for two weeks. Class 10 board exams fin ished in March. It was up to students ofschoolto decide iftheywanted to stayback

and study. Almost everyone did. Pinegrove is more than bed and board to me, its a place where I have spent allmy childhood and adolescence. It proffered me with my morals, beliefs, sight to see whats best for me and also a very focused acade mic discipline taught me to give more than hundred percent in whatever I chose. It is where I belong. I could not exist in any other situation or place. Food, c limate, people and there are so manyother commodities whichare concealed like em otionalattachment. I amvisceralto the place like a polar bear to Arctic Circle. Stillgiving up the luxuries of parents home like staying up late, getting up late , eating in bed and watching television at any odd hour of the day bring a strea k of disappointment the very morning of this day every year. I have to leave for school at the earliest possible hour before sunrise to avoid the heavy traffic in the city. The city where I think the number of vehicles almost equals the num ber ofpeople, not to mentionwhose count is more thanthe totalpopulationofAustral ia, New Delhi. The packingstarted few days ago and we were fortuitous enoughto accomplishit byq uarter past tenlast night. Mumis a kind offreak whenit comes to organization. Ev erythingin the list goes in trunk in the same given order and had to bear tortur e ofverification quite a number oftimes. And everything is dualistic for her. Sh e has to pack for two because my kid sister, myonlysiblingescorted me to schoolf our years ago. Thoughto Niya this is a muchmore devastatingexperience thanto me, she calls it the dayofexecution. Suddenlyother thanthe irregular snoringsound I heard the clack sound again. Mumm ust have wokenup earlyto switchthe geyser on, that means I canstillafford sleepi ngfor next fifteenminutes, or probablyjust lyingdowncalculatingthe pros ofgoingb ack to schoolwhichmight lightenthe pullinmynerves. I got dressed in a pair ofdar k blue jeans and white hoodies which I bought this week and didnt get much ofa ch ance to wear. Though there was no point buying it so close to the school date ye t I thought this will be the set of civils for me this year. The circular clearl y stated, Students are allowed to keep no more than one set of casual wear. It mus t have been difficult to pick one thing fromheaps of clothes for Sara, my closes t friend but it was just a matter of choosing color for me. I had a very scarce wardrobe of different shades ofblue injeans, and different colors inhoodies. Mum and Nanhe will be going to drop us to school today. Dad has an important meeting to attend otherwise He is not a kind of a person who will send mumwith driver a nd kids ona 12 hour journey. I have to give himcredit for beingverypossessive. I t was 5.30, everything was nicely fixed in the car boot and mumwas checking agai n, trunks, sleeping bag, donnas, pillows, badminton rackets, pithu bag . My mind g ot side tracked onhearingthe last two words. This bagwhichonce I thought could f it ina babyelephant was now carryingmybooks. I was inclass 11 now. Results for tenthboards were not out yet but students were givenadmissionto streams based onchoices and pre-board results. Myparents decid ed medical streamfor me, not after tenthexams but probablywhenI was tendays old. Theyhad a misconceptionthat myprettyaverage grades are the output oflack ofeffo rt I put in. It never occurred to them that maybe I am not smart enough, maybe a med school is not where I belong. Dad had to push headmaster a bit to give me a dmission in med on 80 percent marks. Not that they were not good enough, but for the fact that fromclass of 50 students, 20 scored above 85 and there were only 15 places for science streams. They had to adjust one more. The thought of being the worst in sixteen students was killing me, and now I had to prepare for medi cal entrance exam. The cons easily outnumbering the pros agitated me a bit. We bid goodbyes to dad. He had a verystrange wayofshowingconcern. I think it was embarrassingfor himto show love bymeans ofanyphysicalcontact like a hugor kiss to a girlwho almost reached his shoulder, evenifshe was a daughter. ThoughI liked it this way. He told me to always carryinhaler inmypocket and keep

a spare one inlocker. Asthma had been one of the many reasons for me going to b oarding school. Pollution free environment prevented acute attacks so far but st ill I was bringing inhaler to use on numerous occasions. Mumis always fussing about not using inhaler in front ofothe rs, as ifit is an illegaldrug. I dont understand whats so embarrassing about a med icalcondition. Also it is waybeyond mymorals to hide things or to pretend someth ingI amnot, especiallyinfront ofpeople I have grownup with, who know me inside o ut, myfriends. So I dont actuallycare ofwhat mumsays. After four hours drive, at the time ofdawnwe were openingour journeyinto Himalay as, whose beautyonce fascinated me. It was a greenalienplanet then, but graduall yit lost its charmfor me. Its surrounded by green pastures and sometimes on lucky mornings one gets to see snow covered mountain peaks. Travelling into the valley of Kothar, I always get a strange feelingas ifI amgoingfor a pilgrimage, ones finaldestination. I dont kno w what to make out ofit, to feelblessed to inhabit a place fullofdense pine tree s and deodar forests or to hate the idea oflivinginthe same. To some the place m aybe serene, but to me its just home. We left Dharampur road behind us enteringinto a lane whichI canbarelycallroad. T o drive here one needs a lot offaith, selfbeliefand sheer old fashioned courage. Guess Nanhe was used to it. We finallyreached. The board painted white on black background saying, Pinegrove was clearly visible. Beyond that point, each and eve ry thing was the property of Pinegrove. Once on the other side youare isolated f romthe outer world or for me youno longer need an outer world. Its like city of Ember, selfsustained just that this one is above the ground. There was a car inf ront ofus and withinminutes a queue started formingbehind. The wait was due to the single steep road leading to the school which was at the floor of a very deep valley. The road only accommodated one car at a time to pa ss across the reception and main building to the car park which was located oppo site to the dormitories and on the bank of the Brooke. A watchman came running a nd asked for student particulars. Nanhe shouted at the peak ofhis voice, Samiya M ittal, Niya Mittalas ifhis shoutingwillaccelerate the process. After few seconds we were goingdown. I had myfirst glimpse ofthat cityfor this s emester. It is difficult to conceive how the imagination ofour headmaster may have first perceived that this isolated valley miles away fromcivilization was to be the pl ace for his new school. On a rural land at 5600 ft, forested with pine and everg reens, Pinegrove has developed over some 150 Acres. With its characteristics sto ne walls and blue roofs, the estate is a veritable wonderland oframblingpaths, t rees, flowers and exotic birdlife. To the north, ona clear sparklingmorning, the snow clad peaks ofHimalayas canbe seen. Awayfromthe distractionofcitylife, here interests are concentrated withinthe idyllic environment. Amongst the oldest buildings is the Chapel, the churchwhere I have lit more than a hundred candles over the years and the CentralDiningHallwhichis also the large st room, where Staff provides over 1700 meals a day. There is an indoor and outd oor sporting complex with solar heated swimming pool and squash courts. There is a separate building for learning resources centre other than the Academic and b oarding buildings and this is the place where I have spent a quality time of my life surrounded by books. The Pinewood Hall, where plays, shows, films and lectu res are regularly held is also called Rumpus room. The superb basketball court i s the newest addition to the numerous playing fields and is used byme to assembl e and admire the Brooke that scurried parallelto it.

Allthe students have their ownelectronic keycards withindividualdigitalsignature as allthe areas have electronic keyaccess entrance. This keyalso serves as anID Card. There are manyother buildings supportingacademic and non- academic activi ties. Sitting in a valley as it does, physical activity is the daily bread of life for all pinegrovians. Though there are few magical spaces for repose and quiet, whe re students are free to sit and reflect, and those are myfavorite spots inthe wh ole valley. Mumdecided to leave me at the receptionto take care offees payment a nd she went to unpack the stuffinrespective dorms. The school reception had an appeal of the modern mountain house as it is unruffl ed and rustic, to make you relax and rejuvenated at the very first look. It does nt work for me though. Also the untreated timber beams and raw, rough rocky walls standing in contrast to the sleek, contemporary fixtures and modern and urban i nteriors look marvelous. Certainlythere is plentyofcharacter ineachand everypart ofPinegrove. Headmaster was the first familiar face I raninto, his words, All set? Tie your se at belt we have an entrance to crack Dr Mittal metaphoricallymeant welcome back t o hell. I could see allmyprejudices turningrealnow. I had no idea ofmess I was e ntering. He was ina chattymode whenMr. Mathur, our physicalinstructor joined the conversation. I made a narrow escape whenI saw Saras mumat the fee counter. It was a bit crowded, and the recognizable faces were in uniforms already. Many students usually came a day before the start date and stayed in Kasauli. So most of themwere biddingfarewells to their parents bynow. Myeyes were desperatelyloo kingfor Sara whensomeone jumped onme, withthe force ofa fired bullet. I shouted inpanic. There she was, a bit taller and skinnier thanI last saw her. Witha new weird hai rdo, allsmiling, holdingmy hands so tightly that probably they were crushed by n ow. Sara, my wild funny mischievous friend, the only child of her single mother, citizen of Canada and owner of a very beautiful heart. We were together since g rade 1, shared socks, slept in same bed, gave eachother head baths for past 10 y ears. But now was the time to part to different streams. She was inarts now. It was hard to imagine sevenhours everydaywithout her for next 2 years. Whats wrong with your hair?, I asked. Mumtrimmed them with her teeth, for a party, s he said giggling.Halloween party I wonder, I said winkingand she chuckled. Her mum interrupted whenshe was givingdetails about the originofthis hairstyle, I convey ed greetings and moved to the fee counter citingmumwillbe waiting. I handed the cheques signed bydad and collected payment receipts. Was about to leave whenMiss Renuasked ifI willbe takingextra coachingfor medicalentrance preparation? Oh, h ow could I forget that. Ofcourse yes, I said huntingfor the envelope withcashinmyb agsayingmiscellaneous. Its a good amount of money I thought to myselfcountingnotes. One has to be opulen t besides beingexceptionalinstudies to be a doctor nowadays. How many students ar e taking coaching?I asked wonderinghow manycreatures willacknowledge diminutive w orkingofmybrain. Let me check, she said and went up and downonthe computer screen. Three have paid by now, including you, she smiled at me handingthe receipt. A ver yapplaudingsmiles as ifsayingcongrats you are the lucky one. The figure washed another horror over me with this number of students I will be under constant surveillance of the teacher. Why was god doing this to me? What w rong have I done to deserve this fate? I was trying to overcome the despair when Sara banged into me again; it was hard for her to walk, because she had that am azing speed, requisite to be a bird I wonder. Probablyher soulchose aninaccurate torso.

Levelthree. Dorm three, first bunk on left, bottom ones yours, she rantowards the revolvingdoor at the entrance saying, Mums in a hurry. She has a flight to catch. Gi ve my regards to her she was alreadyout ofthe door before I completed the sentenc e. I started walking down the stairs towards the car park through the main building which is the academic building. We called it junior wing. Every floor had 3 cla ssrooms. Teachers were in the respective classes meeting the parents. There was a queue outside music room, books were sold there. I had been in every classroom ofthis building through years. An unfamiliar grieftranspired inme onthat thought . Maybe the most glorious years ofa humanlife, the adolescence would be soonbygo ne. I was lost inthoughts whenI saw few boys frommy tenth class. They hadnt chang ed a bit in last few years. Probably fifteen sixteen was not the age for physica l growth in boys. They saw me too and put their hands up for high fives. One of thempulled my hair and other patted my back. There was never enough of teasing f or them. Though I didnt mind. That was me a people pleaser 24/7.Youll have to do something extremely terrible to get me angry. I havent ever laughed th oroughly or cried thoroughly though. Sara always called me a sufferer in silence types. But my dad had a different theory. He calls me dumb, he says I dont allow the sorrow or the painor the happiness to reachmyheart. I dont know what that me ans but he is partiallyright, I amsurelydumb. I amthe most ordinaryhumanbeingima ginable. I doubt ifallmyteachers know myname. I amthe one who sit onthe middle s eat ofa corner row everydayofthe schoolfor entire schoollife and hide under desk whentheyare electingmonitor. I was more or less like a shoulder for my girl fri ends to cry on. That was the only role I played in their lives. And with boys I shared a mutual understanding, neither of themwas interested inme nor was I inte rested inthemwhichreallykept things simple. IfI was to tellthe truth, I didnt rel ate wellto people ofmyage. Maybe the precisionwas that I didnt relate wellto peop le, at all. I wonder ifthe world sees the same things whichI see throughmyeyes. I was walking down the senior wing engrossed in thoughts. One could see the snow covered peaks from any of the classrooms on this floor, which were especially c lear this morning. I was lookingtowards that intimidatingview, relishingthe sere nity, the peace inthat silence that I first saw him comingout fromone ofthose ro oms. When everything went still. The leaves of trees, the bird ready to fly from their branches the noise of wind and the beat of my heart. As if he was the cor e point of the universe, holdingus where we were. The gravitationalpullchanged i ts course. And I discovered that I had a heart ofa younggirl. He was nothing lik e what I have seen before. Avery pale skin with touch ofpink around cheeks, a ve ry naturalshade ofan inordinate blush for which anyone can spend thousands of ru pees. Ablas red for lips, a color for the lips of the male models you see on maga zine pages, which probably are digitally enhanced. The long dark black eyelids w hich were softly falling as if the hair of the paint brush made by squirrel hair . Avery cute hairstyle, tousled, textured being carried with an extravagant grac e. As he walked past me bemused by something in the book in his hands, totally h eedless that how he was affecting sanity ofpeople around himwith his physicalatt ractiveness left a sweet smellthat made me believe that he was for real, not an illusion. I couldnt move for a very long time, because I couldnt make sense of it. I was lost, just like Earth would be if Sun decides to walk out of the solar sy stemone day. After few seconds as anautomatic set command alarmed, I spellbound started walkingtowards dormitories. I found muminNiyas dormshe was arrangingher stuff. Niya wasnt helping. Instead she was cryingensconced behind the quilt so that her matroncouldnt see. Mumwas tryin g to tranquilize her with all the same things Samiya di is there for you, we will come to see on next visiting weekend, you will have fun learning swimming, see all your friends are here. The words didnt calmher and she was so little to put her feelings to words, to te

llmumthat nothinginthis world makes up for her, that it was a hideous thingto le ave a child onher ownat a tender age. But I have deserted those feelings waybehi nd and watchingher cry, was makingme somber. I left givingparticulars ofmydorm. I went down to car park greeting teachers and performing reuniting rituals of hu gs and high fives with acquaintances on the way half unconscious. Almost 70 perc ent of the school area is sheltered with foliage, trees and dense vegetation. Th e path made its way through trees, which retain their old world charm. They have witnessed the British colonial rulers back to the date of 1842 and are crucial to my fantasies of Victorian era. And t he trees which unlike my parents have seen me growing. So all these outdoor trai ls scuttle like ones in the maze leading to one premises or another. One can exp erience the natural serenity in its accurate form on a field trip around this pl ace. Pinegrove which has remained untouched by civilizations ifopened as a jungl e safarican fetch heady more than the present dealing. Though right now lure oft he place shrinked as my mind was stillconfound with a jumbled feelingofgrieffor Niya and dazzled bythe allure ofthat divine boy.Was he for real. Why havent I seen him before? Is he a student? It didnt take me longto track dads car whichwas standingnext to a black Mercedes a s polished as ifhas come straight fromthe showroom. People were rich here. Howev er they all appeared alike in uniforms. Wellnow withone exception. Assuminghe is a student. I moved back to work. Nanhe and two attendants followed me to the do rmwhichwas two levels above Niyas and opposite to buildingofboys dormitories. I w as thrilled to see that my bunk was placed next to the window overseeing the pla yground and the brook. And swimming pool was clearly visible filled with green b lue water concealed within walls with stairs on three sides and confined on one trivial co rner of the huge play ground. All one can see is nearly naked stinky boys at the other end of the dormitory. Sara must have killed people for this awesome spot. She is a genius. I started unpackingstuff. Two shelves ina three shelfwardrobe were now dedicated to the books. I tried to hangmost ofthe stuffonhangers; it lo oked a bit spacious and organized just in case mumcame to check. Allthe extras w ent into trunk and the trunk was sent to the locker room. I was makingmybed whenit occurred to me that it was takingSara long. I was wonderingwhat was she up to.Sara was different fromany one of us. Her dad left her mumbefore her birth. Seeing the things that happened to her mother made her immune to boys however she was naive that she was one herself. She played footballand never took painto waxher legs before a match. While other girls took dance lessons she played drums. She was always up to some mischiefan d could get veryabusive duringfights. It was not a verygood thingto witness her fights, I begged her to keep her coolduringfirst few years. But eventuallyI got used to it and I think others did too. So anyways immunityto boys was the principaltrait that kept us together. I was l ost inthoughts whenAmber came and reclined onmyfreshlymade bed whichhad lavender scent ofmums fabric softener. Most of the girls were back, perhaps because sun w as up and girls that old are too petrified of bringing up the rear to their whit e complexions. They all congregated at my bed. Conversingabout holidays and othe r randomstuff, I secretlyhoped that someone would come up withsome news onthat b ook boy. And Chaaya alleged as ifshe was hearingmythoughts, Oye!Have you guys seen the ne w admission, he is gorgeous. I almost fainted. He was like Ahhhhh!!! And thenshe sighed withbothher hands onher chest. I thanked God; he has this effect on other girls too. Theres nothingwrongifI appreciated himlike anyother youngwoman. No on

e else had seenhimbut were verykeento get the details. I didnt feelnecessary to tellthemof my short acquaintance with him. Probably I wo uldve lost track of words describing himand the last thing I wanted was to give a n impression that I was intimidated by him. However, the confirmation that he wo uld be studying in Pinegrove, among barely 350 students who convene with one ano ther in thousands of ways eachday, filled myheart withbliss. At assemblyhall, me ss, footballcourt, rumpus room, onstaircase, outside rest rooms, laboratories, d ormitories, I will get to see him every day. Mrs. Dikshit was talking to him about how he per formed in board examinations. So I m kinda sure he has enrolled in class 11, Chaa ya continued. The affirmationofanyassumptions was now leadingto another set ofquestions inmybr ain. Why one would start a new life, a new tussle in a new place altogether in t he final years of high school Maybe he didnt do wellin exams to get the desired stream. There is a hypothesis w hich is based on the fact that beauties usually dont have brains. But people like himand Moon are so profoundlyblessed inthe looks department that it compensated for anyother flaws. Right at that moment Moonstrutted, Hope he is in Arts then, w inkingat Chaaya. I saw him first, so stay away from him, Chaaya replied. Theykept the war onwithsarcastic comments and everyone around snickered. I excused myself sayingmumwould be waitingfor me. I peeked throughthe window theywere not inNiyas dormas I expected; mummust be see ingher teachers. Its a nice experience for mumbecause theyare fullofpraises for h er. Niya is a veryintelligent girl. Everyparent wanted their kids to be like her . Her foremost strength is her keenness to learn, she is always eager to know ho w, where, why everything happens. Answer to her every question leads to another round of questions. But it worked pretty well between us. She always asks questions and I amall ready to give her answers. I dont remember when I last shouted at her or s colded her. One ofthe reasons is that she never gave me a chance to do so and an other is that she loves me more thanI deserve. I have never done anythingspecial inacademics, sports or any other recreational activities but still she thinks I amextraordinary. Last year in one of her essays she wrote that I amher idol. Its in human nature; people can easily start forgiving mistakes ofothers whentheyknow how muchthe other personadores them. I saw mummakingher wayout ofNiyas class. Niya was holdingher hand, was done cryin gbut her eyes were stillred. Mumstarted talkingto me and it was hard to see how she was holdingback herselffromfallingapart intears infront ofus, it was time to go. Its safe to reachhome before sunset. In that very moment I felt sorry for her it must have been hard for her to keep her children away all those years but God knows under what circumstances one has to think beyond their ownselfishneeds; maybe iftheir childs healthand career are at stake. We were makingour wayto car park whenmet Sara onway, she was sweating. I was help ing Mr. Mathur move some benches, she said lookingat mypuzzled expression. OhI fo rgot to mentionhow biga socialworker she is. She was talkingto mumallthe waywith out givingmummuchofa chance to speak. Thanks to Sara, the mood lightened a bit. Niya was stillholdingonto mums hand, I took her another hand and hugged her close to mychest, Let mum go Niya. She is getting late. She dropped her hand at once. M umkissed her head and waved goodbye to me and Sara. Nanhe appeared poignant too

whenhe took a u-turnand waved fromthe car window. Give her time. She will be fine, Sara said whenwe reached our bunk, whichwas not i nas good shape as this morning. Everyone was on their bed lying, chitchatting. A n unceasing sound of TV played as a background score as always. Only two disgust ing rarely watched channels played on Dorm TVs but stillit was hardlyturned off. Sara sprawled onmybed while I went to change. The rest rooms were onthe right si de ofthe corridor. I picked mybagoftoiletries, blue tunics and white shirt, myev eninguniformwhichtoo smelled oflavender fabric softener. Changed, washed myface and applied some moisturizer, thoughit was not makingmyco lor anyappealing. I was allpale without anyblood inmyskin. ProbablyI needed a he althy lunch, not that I was hungry. Days like this whenyouhave so muchonyour min d killyour appetite. I put myhoodies and jeans into laundrywhichhad myrollnumber tag. Then Sat on foot of the bed cross legged and slowly brushed my hair. The tiny bu mp in my head due to the tangling of the stitches which I got few years back fal ling while rock climbing always irritated me disrupting the smooth running of ha ir brush through my hair. It wasnt visible but it reminded me everyday that how m y carelessness almost killed me. FinallyI tied themup ina ponytail. This sheet smells nice, though the smell is a bit strong, Sara said sniffinglike a dog. Yeah I know. But its mums favorite, she thinks this smell stays for long, I answered. Do you think it will make till Christmas, She asked veryseriously. Chris tmas, our next longbreak, whenmumwillget to washmylinenagain, a year away. She i s capable ofmakingfunofmymum. Silence is the best answer I could think ofinsuchc ircumstances. I stayed at Nanis place. Mum was there but trust me its a living hell. She has set of absurd rules. Its like prison. I will fly to mum the very same day I finish cl ass 12. I cant take that old gals shit. I felt pityfor the old ladybut stillcant sto p smilingat the wayshe was beingdescribed. Hey got you something. Actually mom go t it for you. She wanted to give it herself but was getting late, she said while browsing her cupboard, which appeared to be a roomfullofcrap. Never looked it wa s made this morning. I didnt want to spoilthe moment for her so kept mymouthshut instead started guessingwhat it could be. No!Its not chocolates, she said sittingin front ofme witha huge polybagand more excited thanmyselfingame ofguesses.Not choc olates, not sweets, not perfume, is it a book? I took a finalshot. Reading novels is one of the things that really make me happy. There are times w hen I start reading at 9 in the evening when everyone is in bed and still readin g at 5 in the morning wheneveryone is brushingtheir teeth. So there is no better gift for me thana book. One ofmyfavorite books whichI read over and over againi s Twilight byStephanie Meyer. It was gifted to me by Saras mumlast year. I really l ove her for that. She promisedto buyme the sequelbut as far as I knew it was not out yet so that was a prettywild guess. Nah...But something related to that, Sara said. I gave up and thenshe handed me t he polybag, I could see how delighted she was. Her love was wortha milliondollar s, I wonder how I willreturna tiniest bit ofher affectioninthis smalltime left t ogether. I opened the bag carefully. There was a cardboard box in it containing a black s hirt saying I dream about being with you forever and a wrist band engraved withDo I dazzle you? I had a flashback ofthe beautifulface I saw this morningonapprehendingwhat the b and said. These were the quotes fromTwilight book.

Never in my wildest of imaginations I thought that someone can affect your sanit y in a way that Edward affected Bellas. I adored themlike any other book characte rs but not until this moment I realized how appealingEdward was to Bella. Thank you so much. I grabbed and hugged her. Moonstood up at once to look at the shirt fromher bed whichis placed opposite to mine sharingthe window witha heaven lyview. She must have beeneavesdropping. Apparentlyshe liked the shirt a lot, I could see disappointment onher face as she said, Nice and handed it back to me. I didnt like it. Ifthat shirt didnt mean that much to Sara I would have probably c onsidered giving it to Moon as a present. And that would have looked prettier on her, I could bet onthat. I folded and kept it inmycupboard. Turned back to Sara and whispered, I will save this for a special occasion. Though I thought to mysel f that I will never wear it in school because that will make Moon feel stumpy. He y I got you something too, I said educingthe I pod shuffle dad bought me fromDuba i. I was not that much into music and had a CD player which was in a healthy wor king condition so asked mumif I could give it to Sara. She didnt have any objecti ons to it. She is veryfond ofSara I suppose. Who willnot be? Are you kidding me? You got me an iPod, she said. It was hard to figure out iftha t was a questionor a statement. Yes I did. Actually Dad did, I said after a pause. S he closed her eyes and said Thank you uncleji. The wayshe said made me laugh. We were not done talkingwhenMiss Gladys, our matroncame to callus for lunch. Girls, I want you in mess at 2 everyday, which is the lunch time. Just reminding in case you have forgotten. No dieting or any other reasons to escape lunch. Hi gher education means more energy and to get more energy you need proper nutritio n. So I will appreciate your cooperation in this regard, she said in a voice full of concern for eachone ofus. Myheart crammed withrespect for her. We put our shoes onand started movingdownst airs. The mess doors were not opened yet and junior girls were waitingina queue outside the door. I saw Niya standingtalkingto her friends, withher back facingu s. Oh shit I forgot her present, Sara said. I will be back in a sec, she announced r unningback towards the dorm. I joined the bunch of girls from my class who were talking to senior girls. Took me a minute to figure out they were talking about cosmetic products. To me cosm etics were substances intended mainly for personal hygiene and sometimes to conv ey scent. Other than that I was blank on the topic. Though I wonder what would h ave lead to that kind of conversationat a reunionafter a longbreak and at time w henthere are so manyother issues onhand to think about. Niya waved at me to joinher, onnoticingthat I was lost. She was smart for her ag e.Hi Di, reading any new book? one ofher friends asked as I came to a stop. I get a llexcited whenever I read a book and like narrating it to others. Its very mollif ying to have these younggirls who are allears and enjoyhearingas muchas I enjoyr eciting. Not really. No more reading. Will have to stick to science books for two years. Else mum will kill me. Neither ofthemliked that idea verymuch. Sara came running with a basket in her hand and she huffed coming to a stop. See how quick I am. Got something for you girls and she handed a beautiful hand paintedwoodenba sket filled withpackets. I canonlyfigure out TimTams and ferrero rochers amongst allother stuff. Try finishing ASAP. Inside news. Tuck rade coming Saturday. She m uttered softlywithallthose weird expressions as ifit was matter oflife and death . So among all other troubles juniors had this tuck rade where the matron comes an d take all the confectionary fromyour cupboards and pool up in the common room.

This kind of activity is done to avoid discrimination amongst students who can n ot afford those items. Though, it was just a rule. Had anyone been destitute he/ she would not have made to this place. See ya girls, she said and pulled me towards the mess whose doors opened as soonas we reached there. We took two corner seats onone ofthe diningtables sayingclass 11. The huge hallfil led withnoises; oftalks, movement ofchairs and thenecho ofallthose sounds. Myhea rt came to a stop whenI realized what everyone was lookingat The new admission. He was sittingonthe opposite side, few seats away. I forgot to breathe whenI had a nother glimpse ofhis face. It was not embarrassingto stare at himbecause everyon e was doingthe same. It was indulgence inthe present situation. He looked like J esus sittingonthe table withother less significant people for the last supper.Wh at was about him that made him so different from all others? I wondered. I notic ed he had blue eyes. The most beautifulshade ofblue, aquamarine blue. He had tha t recessive trait whicha veryfew number ofpeople have. What kind of genetic comb ination would have occurred to form that kind of trait? Oh hell they were beauti ful. He didnt appear a bit nervous about allthe attentionhe was receiving. After analyzingthe situationI realized he was not noticingwhat everyone was lookingat. He was engrossed intalk withMandy. Which country is he from? He doesnt look Indian. He is prettier than Kashmiri Pund its. Prettier than Moon. Is he even boy? Sara murmured inmyear followed bylaugh a t her ownjoke.Is she normal? I thought to myself. Why his allure is not affectin g her in a way its affecting me? She is normal. Its me who is acting nuts. I contr adicted my own thought. If you are beautiful outside that doesnt mean you are bea utiful inside. Outside beauty doesnt even count. I kept telling myself, developin g any kind of feelings for a stranger who was so strange, who I have just met, t hough he hasnt met me and especially at this time of my educationwas not sucha go od idea. I tried pullingup myself. Who knows? Maybe not. I answered Sara. Headmaster stood up for makingsmallwelcomin gspeech. He said wellhave another halfanhour after introductoryspeechfor the lunc h. He congratulated students for being promoted to higher classes and said that he appreciated the hard work of both board classes students fromprevious year 10 and 12. Though year 12 students were no more present betweenus. Thencame the part where he had to introduce new students, the part I was despera telywaitingfor. The introductions began in the order starting from junior admiss ions and then moving up. After every level the pace of my heart accelerated, by the time they reached year ten I could hear it beatinginmyhead so loudlythat I w as unable to hear anythingelse. I tried to minimize the sound bytakingdeep breat hs supplyinggood amount ofoxygento myheart. It worked a little. Year 11. Aadil Rathore who has joined us from Mayo College for boys, Ajmer will b e studying medical. We are proud to have you here and hope you will make yoursel f an asset to the school. All the best. He stood up to raise myheart beat again. He was wearing white shirt and blue pants, the same uniformlike any other boys. But in a much more stylish way, a way it could have created a fashion statement. The fabric ofthe uniformwas very different fromothers. It was the best formofco tton I guess and the pants had the finest creases as ifdone by some designer tai lor. His wrist was tugged in a very masculine watchwiththe optimumelegance. Thank you was allhe said and that too I figured out fromthe movement ofthe lips, t he volume was verylow for humanears I suppose and thenhe sat. Everyone indulged ineatingfood after headywas done. Sara kept babbling about some teamselection in my ear but right now I had so much on my mind to listen to her. I kept nodding absent mindedly playing what heady said of him againand againinmyhead.

 Aadil Rathoreso he was Rajput. No doubt he was extraordinary. Has completed previ ous education in Mayo College Ajmer, one of the finest institutions of India wit h a very tough screening process for national students. If he is a non resident than maybe he would have made to Mayo in the fixed quota. If he was intelligent why wont he complete higher education in Ajmer itself? Why would he come all the way to this place? He could have received better coaching there. I tried getting all of that out of myhead and eat inpeace; I was tryingnot to look at himnow an d then. Whats the point? I thought to myself. People started finishingand movingout, I tried veryhard makingsense ofwhat Sara was talking. Just Half an hour for lunch, half of which is wasted in prayer and r aising hand for a refill. Then they talk of giving us nutrition. Its been10 years but she stillsounded veryupset withthe system. You take your time. They are not t hrowing us out or anything, I tried coolingher down.No its not about me. I am full. But what others?, she said gettingup. Some people want to invite troubles without any reason I thought following her m aking our way out of the mess and without looking at him. It was a very smallbut encouraging victory, I overcame urge to look at himprobablyI canget rid ofanyot her alienfeelings as well. The same logic applied to this situationwhy invite tr oubles without any reason. We went to tennis court and perched onone ofthe stairs. It was the last dayofmyf reedom. I would be trapped from5 next morning. We had a bizarre schedule. Gymat 5.30, bath at six, brekkie at 7.00 and school a t 7.30. Then, a 15 minute tea break at 11. School finished at 2.00 and then was lunch. Normal people were rendered free after that to sit in common room or for other recreational activities. They had to change in evening uniform for complet ing homework in respective common rooms; supper was served at 7 and finally they go to bed. But for me, I willhave to change in evening uniformat 3, then go for coaching which willfinish at 6, followed by finishinghome work incommonroomand thenafter dinner at 7 sit inlibraryor dormifothers are not bothered bythe light and studyfor competition. Though there were several perks in this role of aspiring doctor which were not e njoyed by other students like using computer lab or library at any hour without permission. As if it was anygood to me. Myfavorite studyingspot were stairs arou nd swimmingpooland stairs whichranparallelto the Brooke. You must be wondering, what is it about the stairs, I mean stairs stairs everywh ere. Yes, Pinegrove was covered with a network of stairs, one couldnt reach from one place to another without their use. That was because everything was built on a slope. I had trouble breathing sometimes going up and down again and again, i ts hard for me to figure out if thats normalor an asthmatic attack. Though I alway s use inhaler in these situations, I dont give time to the respiratory systemto c ome back in normalshape. I think its easier and quicker that way. We were talking about how we would catch up with each other after every period w hen I saw him walking with Mandy and Raag. Everything about him was very fascina ting. There was a calmness onhis face, like a mask to keep awaystrangers fromloo kinginside him. It gave animpressionthat either he was too smart or else he had beenthroughthings that brought a kind ofmaturityto his attitude. I preferred sti ckingto the first assumption. Liking himinanywaywas not veryhealthyfor me. Theyw alked into library.Probably I should start studying myself, I shouldnt be wasting time. I was still thinking when Sara said pissed, What are they thinking? They h ave already started studying. What a show off. So askingpermissionto leave right now wont be sucha great idea. Samiya do you mind

if I go and play table tennis ?, she asked hesitantly. Good I cango studynow wit hout upsettingher. Yeah sure. Take your time. I will catch up with you in the dor m, I said tryingnot to sound veryexcited about the new accord. I thought ofcheckingtime table onthe wayso I went to myclass inthe senior wingta kinga longer route that bypass library. Time table was different fromprevious ye ars withseveralsubjects gone. The names list for the class caught myattention. I positioned myfinger onit matchingnames to the intended subjects. Commerce and A rts sections had higher number of students. This was very traditional. More stud ents came here from business families so they aspired to have a degree in busine ss. Lost I moved my finger fromthe subjects towards the names, my sight blurred and the very new feeling overpowered me again, my finger got stuck under Aadil Ratho re. I used all my strength to move it and check the subjects again. He was the on ly one studying maths and biology at the same time. I wasnt sure if out of eagern ess to learn or under some kind ofpressure. Its none of your business I reminded myself. And checked for the number ofgirls, there were only four with three studying mat hs, so that left only me to study biology. That meant one hour everyday in a cla ss with no girls and two hours on days ofpracticals. How would I stand being the only X chromosome in very smallproximity with himwhen I can barely controlmy se nses in presence ofhundreds of other students. I studied whole evening and prepared for next day; packed bag and polished shoes . The weight ofthe bag told me that I willneed a whole bench to myself. By the t ime I was done I was too tired to go for dinner. It would have been a bad idea t o ask permission to ditch supper the very first day but fortunately Miss Gladys was watching me go through all those troubles while everyone was out. Okay. Fine. Meet me in the mess in ten minutes. I will get you a glass of milk. And I dont want argument on that, she said imposingthe decisiononme. I meanifI had that kind ofenergyto walk downto mess, whywould I sayno to dinner at the first place. But anyways I changed into night suit and tied myhair inpigtails. I notic ed the pink fromthe night suit was showinginmycheeks. WhenI walked into the dinner room, everyone stared at me for once and thenmoved back to eating. It was like a suddenreflexwhensomeone walks innight suite ina ro omfullof same color uniforms. I was searching for Miss Gladys when my eyes stopp ed at him. He was staring at me. There was a strange expression on his angel fac e. He looked like a polished statue, depicting some unknown feeling. After a sec ond or two I lost track of if he was holding my attention or I was holding his. He was looking straight into my eyes I couldnt move and stood there like a pillar staringback. Milk!didi, I heard someone say. ThenI heard it againDidiji milk!. He suddenlydroppe d his eyes, rescuingme. The kitchenattendant stood witha glass ofmilk. I took th e glass and walked out, usingallmyenergyand a partialfocus onbalancingit allthe wayback to the dorm.What was all that reaction about? That wasnt a verypleased ex pressionI cantell. Maybe I was absurd to him, maybe he thought I amanattentionse eker. That thought made me feelverydejected. I finished milk and lied down in my bed turning offthe bed side lamp. I decided not to give himany reason to forman opinion about me. I willstay out ofhis way. I knew I was not that attractive to be liked bysomeone, but beinghated bythat so meone was a verydishearteningconcept. I was stillinturmoilofthoughts wheneveryone came back, I pretended to be asleep.

The first thingSara did was to check onme, she whispered Good Night inmyear befor e goingto bed. Eventhis act oflove didnt mend mypresent situation. I was unable t o get rid ofthat face, the deep blue penetratingeyes, unsure ifit was anunconsci ous state ofmind or a dream. It was a veryrestless night, I felt muchtired whenI woke up next day. I rushed t hings a bit, the idea behind it was to be ontime or before time for allthe daily activities, So that no one notices myentrance. I tried takinga seat whichwas almost a blind spot for boys onthe other side ofth e table. The thought that maybe he disliked me made it a bit easier to not look at himnow and then. I was the first one to the class. I took a corner seat inthe last row and unpacked. Roomstarted fillingup. ThenI saw himcome inand I dropped myeyes to the paper at once without meetinghis glare. He took second seat inthe middle row. The first lecture was chemistry, whichwas a compulsorysubject and M r. Pandeytook the charge. He was also designated withthe role ofour class teache r. We moved to curriculum, reference books, assignment dates etc. straightawayaf ter the rollcallwithout havingto worryabout anyintroductionspeeches. I kept myco ncentrationto books allthe time thoughcould see himwhenever I looked at Mr. Pand ey. He was prettyengaged inchemistry. Pin drop silence was somethingI thought of as a metaphor but I trulyexperienced it whenMr. Pandeypaused inbetweenthe lesson . Probablybecause there were no uninterested elements inthis class. Thenthe next lecture was English. It was good to have Mrs. Anjalias Englishteacher. She is e xtremelykind and friendly. She is married to Mr. Mathur, our physicalinstructor and their successfulmarriage is anenormous example ofthe theorythat opposites at tract. She was takinga round while we were writinganessaywhenshe noticed him. So you are? she asked smiling. Aadil. He said inaudibly. That was the first time I h eard his voice whichwas as soft as meltinghoney. Aadil. How are you finding it he re? Mrs. Anjaliasked inconcern. He was quiet and thoughtfulfor a minute. I dont kno w? He finallysaid mutely. Whats that supposed to mean. He didnt sayanythingelse. An d Mrs. Anjalihesitantlymoved on, amazed. We had two consecutive classes ofPhysic s after that. Physics, the word was enoughto scare me to death. It is classified as a sub divi sionofsciences but trulyit is formofa verycomplexand cruelmathematics whichpossi blymade no sense to people witha veryaverage functioningofbrain, like me. A phys ics tutor mymumtook me to, who is also knownas physics guru, gave me a mantra Do it daily, one hour of numericals every day for next two years. Dont let it beat you . Instead you beat the shit out of it. He told me. That was a complete waste ofti me; I dont think Illbe doingthat. I amhappyto let physics beat me. It was 11.00 alreadyI could hear everyone leavingfor tea break while I didnt both er to look up engrossed inbook. Someone stepped into the class I looked up as a reflexand noticed few things simultaneously, He was stillinhis seat and Sara was cominginto the class followed byMoonand few other girls. What are you doing? Come on we are starving.Sara babbled. Sara came for me, she a lways does but others visit was not veryjustifying, except for the reasonsitting inthe next row. I was windingup whenMoonstarted makingtalk withhim, I slowed dow nI was as eager to know more about himas anyofthe girls present inthat room. Hi A adil Hows your day been so far? she was extremelypolite, it was easyto figure out th at it was a fake tone. He just nodded. Or thats what I thought he did and said be fore walkingout ofthe room, not lookingat Moonfor more thana second.What kind of a person does that? Moonlooked more embarrassed thanshocked at this absurd beha vior. How rude. What a freak. She babbled to the other witnesses inthe room. He is like that. He behaved in a same way with Mrs. Anjali. Let it go. I said without e mphasizingmore onthe subject, I didnt want Moonto feelmore embarrassed thanshealr eadywas. And puttingaside the unworldlybeautyofhis, he was sort ofcreepy.

After break I started packingup for Biology. Biology1 and 2 bothwere beingconduc ted inbiologylab. Rest ofthe students were supposed to studycomputers duringthos e hours. I was the first one to walk into the lab. Few chairs were aligned side byside and thenthe hardwood laboratorytables and benches covered the roomwithmet alcupboards placed at the end. I assumed we willhave to sit onthe chairs as it w as a theoryclass. I was settlingdownwhenRaag, Mandyand he entered the class. Hey Samiya. You know its just four of us for biology. Raagsaid surprised steeringh is pencilat four ofus. He just found out. To me the knowledge was ancient withal lthe planningI was doingto go throughthese hours everyminute since yesterday. Yea h I saw the list yesterday I said noddinglookingat himfromcorner ofthe eye.Aadil rested his books two seats awayfrommine. Evensayinghis name inmymind was doingstrange things to myheart. Thoughlatelyallt he major functioningofmyorgans was beingconducted bymyheart. Ifthat kind ofthing continued probablyI wont need a brainat all. So clearlyhe was intended to stayawayfromme as I was fromhim. I had a reason; I liked him more than necessary and he probably had totally adverse feeling for me . People want to go for engineering I suppose Raagsaid sittingnext to me. Good for t hem and good for us Mandyanswered. So it willbe just four ofus for competitionpre parationas well. There was not a word fromhimduringthe conversation. He didnt loo k at me at all. But stillhis essence affected myheartbeat and I felt sort ofhypn otized. Mr. Ahluwalia was takingbothbiology1 and 2. Biologyhas always beenmyfavo rite subject; this was the onlyfavorable point ofme studyingmedicine. We were doing Diversity in the living world today. I earnestlydedicated two days and two nights ofmytwo week vacationonthat unit. And prepared notes withmultifa rious synopsis consistingofdrawings, flow charts and paragraphs. So I had a clea r picture ofwhat we were doing. After almost anhour ofthat class Mr. Ahluwalia d ecided to issue few books fromlibraryto give us some more examples oftaxonomic c ategories ofsome commonorganisms. As soonas he left, Mandycame out withanunendin glist ofdoubts and I trulyunderstood his situationas I had beenthere few days ag o, but myquest throughbooks resolved themlater. I shared mynewlydiscovered knowl edge not givingchance to other two homo sapiens to saya single word. I dont understand the hierarchical arrangement of the taxonomic categories. Do yo u get it? Mandywas pryinginto the other two movinghis head sideways. I could easi lypick fromRaags expressionthat he was lost himself. Despite the huge black board fright; I got up to draw it onthe board to help Mandy. And now withhim there I was stammering, losingsight and havinga cardiac failure. I was usingallmystrengthto be intact and to stop myhand fromtrembling. WhenI tur ned around I was astounded to see himlookingat me inthat same weird expressionas ifI had done somethingwrongto him, or as ifI was causinghimpain. I was unable t o stop myselffromlookingback at himsurprised. This face has become so familiar i na matter offew hours that I had a perceptionofknowinghimsince ages. I pleaded i nmyheart to know what he was thinkingbut his face was as impassive as before. Wh at does he think ofhimself? I got agitated and went back to myseat leavinghimdoi ngallthe gawking. 3. FIRSTTALKDays started flying by . The pressure started buil dingup. Byeverychapter we finished there was more to learnand sometimes the info rmationseemed unending. I found myselfdoinghomework for physics and chemistryund er the table inclasses whichI thought were not imperative fromcompetitionpoint o fview; Englishand computers. Other people studied to converge withthe fastest br ains inthe world; I studied to catchup withother people. There was always someth ingpendingfromschooland coaching. I would usuallysleep late; verylate after fini shinghomework, revisions and preparingnotes perchingunder a 5 Watt bulb inthe dormitorystairs as amazinglythe same amount oflight at mybedside was actuallybotheringmydormmates. Thus I started missingmygymclasses because sl

eepinglate means gettingup late. I reallycherished anhour ofsleep inthe change r oomwhile everyone did gym. Mr. Mathur seemed to be totallyunaware ofmyabsence, w hich proved what aninconsequentialrole I played inmyschoolactivities. Ifit was S ara it would have beenimpossible to cover up. And with him things remained monotonous. He stopped staringat me inthat awkward way; infact he stopped lookingat me at all, ignoringme as I ignored him. Infact he ignored majorityofpeople around. He was one damnofanarrogant person, I could bet he was as uglyinside as beautifulhe was outside. He was one personwithwhomI spent majorityofmydayand surprisingfact was we have n ever spokento eachother. I knew myproblem, but I was totallyoblivious ofwhat wro nghave I done to him. But stillmyannoyance didnt do anygood ingettingover him. In stead I got used to livingwiththose vicissitudes mybodywent throughinhis presenc e. He turned out to be the onlysonofDr TanmayRathore, a leadingcardiovascular surge on. Who received numerous awards like Padma Shree and Padma bhushanfor his outst andingcontributionto Indianmedicalsciences at a veryyoungage. And now he was wor kingas a senior doctor inCleveland clinic inthe state ofOhio inUnited States of America. He was constantlybeingcovered for his tremendous work insome ofthe lead ingmagazines. And I spent anhour readingabout himinone ofthose despite the voice inmy mind whichkept askingwhy I was bothered to do that. Dr Rathore withhis wife Dr Ethalia Aleko rananestablishment for researchand inno vations. Dr Ethalia was a gynecologist and Aadils mother. That was the reasonfor allhis distinguishingfeatures; a Greek ladycontributed to halfofhis genetic stru cture. Rathores donated millions ofdollars incharities everyyear. So he belonged to two people who were opulent, intelligent and kind. God knows what went wrongwithhim . His parents terriblyfailed inbringinghimup to be a kind person, onthe contrary he was not evennormal, he had this insane feelingthat he was superior to everyon e around. He was always indulged inbooks but not once did he answer anyquestions inanyofth e classes. Probablyinone thinghe was like me hard workingbut not withanexception alIQ level. Watchinghimwork so hard brought a strange kind ofpeace to mymind; I was not the onlyone forfeitingmylife here. Other thanthat there were no good rea sons for himto be around. But no matter how hard I tried repellingthe thought; the truth was that his abse nce made me fidgety and restless. Despite his rudeness and arrogance I prayed to see him every day. It was ThursdaymorningI was sleepinginthe change roomas usual. I was so sleep de prived that could have possiblykilled anyone to get some. Everyone left for a jo g. To me it was not more thanfew seconds whenRasna woke me up. Get up Samiya. You are in big trouble. Mr Mathur is calling you. He was inquiring about how long you have been bunking classes. We lied. But he already knew. Eve ryone is getting punished. I dont know what he will do to you. How could that happ en? It was like a worst nightmare. It has never ever occurred to me that I cange t caught. I got so scared that wanted to cower insome dark corner and to never c ome out. What should I say? I was stammeringfollowingher to the ground. We were onthe last stair whenI realized I was stillinnight suit. He is in no mood to listen to any excuses. So best thing will be to keep your mouth shut. Rasna was ina verybad moo d right now. Entire girldormwas runningaround the rimofthe playground withtheir

hands up, thanks to me. Mr. Mathur was standingmidst the circle ofboys. 11 class boys. Everyone was inshorts and sweating. ThoughI was as cold as ice. Sir. Samiy aRasna announced and fled to jointhe other girls. Mr. Mathur was not bothered to interrogate me inprivate. Embarrassingme infront ofeveryone appeared to be a par t ofthe prospective punishment. Where were you? He demanded visuallyexaminingme wi tha dreaded look.I should have changed. I acted inaccordance withRasnas advice an d kept mytrap shut while lookingtowards myfeet. Knuckles he said after a longwait. Untilthat word I didnt realize there was a stick inhis hand. Intenyears ofhistor yI have never beena victimofcorporalpunishment. The thought ofthe painwas petrif yingme. I was indilemma whenMr. Mathur changed his mind or play basketball with class 2 f or next two weeks. He knew how important myeveryminute was, why he was acting so cruel. I will play sir. I decided as was too coward to bear the pain. An hour each day he added, seemed like he was wonderinghow to make it evenmore dreadfulfor me. Now I had more obligations, and it was muchworse thanthe prior arrangement. Myli fe was a FUBAR(Fucked up beyond anyrecognition) inSids language. After coachingI had to runtowards the ground where the second grade kids were allover. It took me almost halfanhour before the start to make themlistenwhat I was sayin g. Theydidnt give a damnabout me. Theywouldnt have followed myinstructions ifI wou ld have beenthe last persononthe Planet Earthto save themfromterminaldestruction . I genuinelylacked leadership skills. And had no idea how to give a false impre ssionofbeingangrywhenI trulyhad allthe patience inthe world withkids. The other morningI got up I was havingcramps inmystomach. The painwas gettingdis gusting. I realized it was that time ofthe month. And the first dayis always ter rible. I thought oftakinga dayoff. Ms Gladys submitted mymedicalcertificate at t he reception. I took two painkillers and thus suffered the potentialdanger ofbeingdrowsyand na useous. I slept almost the whole afternoonand thenwent for the shower before stu dying. When I came back fromshower a bowlofcereals sat onmybed. Aya must have le ft it. I gulped it downinnot more thana minute, I was seriouslyhungry. God bless aunty. That eveningSara told me that someone complained about me to Mr. Mathur. The fi rst name that occurred to me was Aadils, inPinegrove he was the onlypersonwho was not family. But whywould he do that? I amnone ofhis business? So I didnt give it a second thought. Next daywas the second Saturdayofthe month; another no schoolday. The Biologytut or for competitionpreparationswapped the Mondayclass for Saturdaydue to some per sonalreasons. We were allowed to sleep late onSundays. Everyone was followingthe same routine today. I started mydayearly. Took head bathand wore track suit, ga thered mystudymaterialand headed towards the classroom. I thought ofgrabbingsomethingto eat onmyway. Theywere servingpacked food inthe m ess.Cutlets again. I picked two apples halfheartedlyand walked out. It was one o fthose times whenyouwant to eat somethingamazingbut youhave no idea what your ta ste buds are cravingfor. I took a longer wayto the class roomtryingto finishthe apple onthe way, whichalm ost seemed impossible. The wind was boisterous makingmyhair cover myface. Theysm elled veryberryishdue to mystrawberryconditioner. And thanks to it now mymouthwa s actuallywateringfor strawberries. I was unable to get themout ofmyhead whenI w alked into the class room. He was there. Ina moment the whole cravingagenda shifted fromthe dullredness oft

he strawberries to the sumptuous redness ofhis lips. I had no idea whyI was hagg ard for somethingthat was not edible. He looked like a modelfromanEnglishcommerc ial. His wet hair was makinghimevenmore delicious. And for the veryfirst time the books rested closed infront ofhim. His arms folde d onhis chest and eyes were alreadyonthe entrance whenI walked in. Theydidnt shya way whenI looked into themneither did he pulled onanexpressionless face as he al ways does, instead analarmed smile occurred onhis lips, he looked pleased though stuck insome kind ofdilemma. Maybe actingnormalwas weird for him. He appeared confused but ecstatic trying this for a change. Hi he said movingnervo uslyinhis chair. I tried hard but I couldnt regainmylost voice or senses. I gaspe d Hi or thats what it would have sounded ifnot a blow ofair. I hesitantlymoved to sit inthe next row. I was unsure onwhats valid distance betw eenyouand a class mate who didnt look at youfor like a monthand a halfand has rec ently discovered that youexisted. I opened one ofmybooks and notebooks without a nyidea ofwhichsubject theybelonged to. After few seconds ofjust peekingI realize d it was physics. I started withone ofthe numerical, findingsomethingto do. The questionbelonged to units and measurements. I read questionindefinite times tryi ngmakingsense out ofit. But everytime I reached the last word I realized I lost concentrationafter the first one. Do you want help with that? He was talkingto me inhis mesmerizingdeep voice. I was more thansurprised; he has never talked to an yone inthat tone before. That was not him. So he was watchingme goingthrougha questionover and over again. I felt like anid iot. I nodded and he came to sit onthe benchinfront ofme. He had never beenthat close before. He pulled the book upside downand moved awayto leave a decent amou nt ofspace betweenus. He looked at it for not more thana second which part are yo u not getting. I had no idea what the questionwas. I swallowed hard to saturate m ydried throat and answered I cant figure out what they are asking for? Perplexed he looked at the questionagainsuppressinga smile this time. Okhe started explainingwe are given length, breadth and thickness of a rectangular sheet. We have to find the area and the volume of the sheet to correct significant figures. Ohhh I said t houghtfully, thoughagainI lost it after we are given and started turningthe book towards me. He was laughing.What? I asked confused, tryinghard to figure out what he said. Did he saysomethingfunny. His eyes ceased onmyface, I could see the hu mor was fading. I just read out the question aloud he said scrutinizing. I smiled inembarrassment. You have beautiful eyes he expatiated softly.What? As someone ent ered the roomhe jerked and got up to get back to his place. He moved to a place closest to mine inhis row. That counted inpermissible distance. There was someth ingverysuspicious ofhis behavior today. He was not completelyunobservant ofthe s urroundings while studyingas always. What are your plans for today? He caught me by surprise whenthe tutor left.Nothing I answered relaxingmybrows I am going down to t he brooke. To study physics. I said mutely.If you dont mind can I come with you, I am also doing physics. he asked uncertainly.Hun I heard myselfsaying. It was not a good thingto imagine that how hideous I looked walking next to him. I started browsingthroughfamous couples inthe historywhenthe right phrase occur red to me Angel and demon. He was tryingto walk at a distance fromme, and clearlyavoidinganykind ofphysical contact. Thoughhis face was inclined towards mine without anyconcentrationtoward s the steps. Myfeet were veryused to this trail; I could easilyramble inanypart ofthe schoolwithout takingthe trouble offocusingonthe way. But he was new he sho uld be careful. I realized how the passer bys stared at him witha glint ofamazem ent. But there was another shade ofenvytodayas theywatched him withme. It was ve rydiscomfortingfor me while he looked heedless. We walked insilence. I was thinkingofsomethingto talk to break the ice. Board res

ults will be out soon. Are you scared? I asked. He smiled; somethingwas amusingto him.Are you scared? he asked without answeringmyquestion. Yes I am. I will be decl ared loser officially if I score least in the class. I gave anhonest answer. That was the onlyreasonI needed a decent score. Its not about score. I know you know m ore than anyone of us. Never use the word loser for yourself again. I could feelblo od swellinginmycheeks. I was deprived ofbreathand words right now. I wanted to d rop that topic but a part ofme coveted to tellhimthe truth. We were goingpast th e footballground meanderingonthe slope whichwas runningparallelto the brooke, wh enI started explaininghimthe intricacyofmylife I am doing all this to just cope u p with the situation I am in. My parents have decided this for me. I dont like studying I felt relieved, takingoffthe burdenofthose words frommyheart . I longed to saythemout loud. You dont? he asked. Un Hun I answered noddingsideways. Then dont he said impulsivelyand subtly. If I wont study what will I do then? I asked that questionmore to myself. He smiled wondering. He was like anopenbook right now anyone could read him. There was more to himtha nhis good looks.He was as human as I was. We were quiet inanawkward waywhenwe ra ninto Niya. Hidi.She said givingme a hug.Hey. Remember me? Aadilwaived at her, smili ng. Of course. Aadil she waved back ina hitchsecond. Call me Adi. He said mutely. You guys know each other? I asked shocked. Yeah we practiced together in the music ro om she answered surprised that I was surprised. Niya played piano verywell. Her hands started playingthe keys at a verytender ag e. She could playanysonginfirst attempt. Sara was same withthe drums. And now ap parently he played some device as well. Everyone around me had talents, why is i t just me who is drained of these abilities, why I am not gifted? Did you find he r yesterday? she was talkingto Adi. Yes. I did. He replied hesitantly. Why were you looking for me? I asked as soonas Niya left. He would have seenthat coming. He was quite for a while, apparentlypickingup the right words to explain what was goingon. I was worried. You have never missed school before. I knew Niya is your sister. S o I pretended running into her accidentally and asked about you. She gave me dir ections to your dorm. I left you a bowl of cereals. He came inside mydorm, he left me cereals, he was worried for me. This has to be a dream. We started movingdownthe slope; there was no sound other thanthe pleas ant noise ofrunningwater and chirpingofbirds.He was worried for me. He was worri ed for me. I kept repeatingthose words inmyheart; theywere bringingenormous joyt o mysoul. Samiyathere is something else I want to tell you. Myheart missed a beat; this was the first time ever he called myname, holdingto it carefullyas ifit was delicate. I suddenly felt that my name was very lovely. I looked at him, waitin g. I told Mr., Mathur that you were not coming for the gym classes. You what? He did nt repeat. Do you have any idea how much trouble I am into? I am sleep deprived. Its not easy for me to keep up with all this. I paused to make sense ofit Is it about competit ion? You dont want me to study? I asked agitated. He looked at me surprised Please dont say that. You are one person for who I want all the success in the world. Amazinglythe words calmed me downbut he continued Its just that I didnt like itnot seeing you. I told you your absence makes me anxio us. I tried hard to get over with it but next moment I see myself talking to Mr. Mathur. I had no idea he will do that kind of thing to you. I would have never let him hit you. Myabsence has never mattered to anyone before, not evenmyparents

. I dont know whyit mattered to him. So do you forgive me he asked eagerly.Dare you ever do that again I warned. He smil ed. We walked insilence. He decided to talk againso you dont like studying what do y ou like then? I liked reading stories, thats it. I liked nothingthat was creative or takingme anywhere inmylife. I dont know I answered. I knew he wouldnt let it go e asilyso I tried side trackinghimWhat do you like? It worked. He smiled. Whyeveryth ingI sayis amusingto him? I liked studying But things have changed lately. He paused Lately I like playing guitar. I listen to Ronan Keating whole night long. I would rather be at this Brooke than any other place in the world and I want to act nicely with everyone around. I want to get even with you. I didnt understand what evenness he was talkingabout and whydid it matter but any ways one thingI knew was that to me we can never be even. We can never be even. W e are different I am like a virus and you are an antivirus I explained givingananal ogy, smilinghalfheartedly. You are stealing my line he said insistently. Its the othe r way around. He sighed There was a strange deadness as he said that. Everysound inmybodystarted pressin gagainst myears, the blood flowinginveins, the noise ofpumpinglungs, the heart b eating loudlyand finallyI think I collapsed. As I turned somethinghit myhead. I got up too quickly, to find myselfinbed. It was dark outside. I couldnt make sens e ofwhat time was it, what daywas it, how I reached my bed. I was desperatelyhun tingfor mywatchwhenSara leaned over fromher bed Morning madam. She said ironically .What time is it? I asked, myheart thuddingfor some reason. 9 o clock. She replied l aughingYou slept for 24 hours in a row. You have missed your coaching class this morning. Mr. Pandey wanted to see you. You should thank Miss Gladys she lied tha t you are still sick. I looked back inamazement. What was she talkingabout? No I d idnt miss the class I replied too quickly. I went for coaching this morning. Tutor marked my attendance.Raag, Mandy and Aadil were there and then I went to Brooke to study. I said hurriedlyand there was so muchmore I wanted to add. You must have been dreaming. She said suppressinglaugh. You were in bed when I woke up this aft ernoon and you have missed all three meals of the day. Miss Gladys is really wor ried for you. And seriously speaking now I am worried too. Are you taking overdo se of your asthma medicines? Shut up. I said gettingout ofbed, anxiouslyfleeingdown the stairs without botheringto wear myslippers. I found Niya inthe rest room, br ushingher teethNiya, remember you saw me with Adi this morning, going down the br ooke. I asked hurriedly. Her face was serious, she spit into the sink before turningto me ed blankly. Myconscious faded, I had to hold onto the sink to keep lapsingagain. I was intrack suite, myhair stillsmelled berryish, I Adi, it wasnt a dream. It cant be. I swallowed too hard, that it Who Adi? she ask myselffromcol canstillsmell ached.

I was not goingback without a confirmation. I went straight to boys dormfromthere , running. Mypace slowed involuntarilyrealizingAdi, Raagand Mandywere sittingont he stairs inthe dark. Their laughechoed, makingme weak. I wanted to turnaround a nd leave but instead I kept walking. FinallyI came to a stop few centimeters awayfromthem. Hi Samiya. Raagsaid puzzled , but I couldnt speak, myeyes contemplatingAdi. He wasnt wearingwhat he was wearin gthis morning. His lovelyblue eyes didnt smolder at mysight as theydid this morni ng. He started fiddlingwiththe watchonhis wrist, as ifhe couldnt stand to look at my uglyface. He didnt want to know what I was doingthere at this hour, bare foot . He didnt care. I bet he didnt evenknow myname. I got myanswer. It was a dream. Samiya? Raagasked again, his tone lucid, tryingto wake me up. I was wondering if y ou could give me notes from todays class. I said hurting. Yeah sure. I will bring t

hem to class tomorrow. How are you feeling now? Raagasked, worried Better. I whispered turningaround. I managed to walk to the point where I became i nvisible to thembefore started crying. God, it isnt fair. Why did I dream such dr eam, which gave me hope, which made me happy. Its not right. But thenI started re alizingthings. Ifthat was a dream, how did I get changed, how could I have dream ed Adisayingthat he brought me cereals, he confessinghe made complaint to Mr. Ma thur? I tripped walkingdownto Brooke this morning, myankle was stillhurting, how canI imagine pain. I was out ofmybed today. I was sure. I couldnt sleep that nig ht. The lines inthe book whichI marked this morningwere stillmarked. But theneve rythingwas like a dream, I couldnt remember few parts ofit whenI tried puttingthe minsequence. Somethingwas not right. Next daywas Sunday. Aadilwas no different. He was unobservant and selfoccupied a s always, whichwas now hurtingto anextent that it was killingme. I after lunchwe nt to the medicalroom, to get some painkillers. I was stupid enoughto believe th at a painkiller willcure that kind ofache. Mr. NivenSoman, the medicine teacher who is sort ofa shrink too made me sit downfor a quick check up; its not easygett ingyour ways around him. Do you want to tell me something? he asked inanold fashionparent manner whenI tol d himthe truththat the painwas a little below mychest, somewhere near the heart. I sighed. I had this dream Sir, which felt too real. I groaned I just couldnt get i t out of my head? What dream? he asked politely. I voluntarilychanged few details h ere and there before explaininghimwhat I saw. That person you saw, he asked your likes, he praised you. Did he? he asked, worrylines too clear onhis face. I nodde d stiffly. He leaned back onhis chair and turned thoughtful. Listen Samiya. He finallysaid I dont think it was a dream. If you got out of bed bu t you didnt reach your class. That means you went to the Brooke straightaway. He p aused You have lived away from your parents all your life; apparently you dont tal k about yourself with your friends. In these cases. In your case people sometime s start imagining things. You mean to say I am Schizophrenic? I almost laughed at his diagnosis for a minute .No I dont mean that. But there is a possibility that sometimes your mind starts i magining conversations that you want to have. Talk. Talk to your friends, talk t o your teachers. Talking is the best prevention for this disease. He explained pu ttinga disprinonmypalmif that ever happens again, I want you to come to me straig htaway. I thanked before leaving. I was unable to denythat possibility, mymind was weak enoughto become preyto suc hmentaldisorders. But I wasnt prepared for that kind ofcomplicationinlife. Dear l ord wasnt Asthma enough. I prayed that eveningto lord to keep me awayfromthat kin d ofhallucinations. And onthe other hand I was prayingfor it to happenagain. I m eanI was confused and I was confusingGod as well. That dayat dinner I heard Raag, Mandyand Adi talking about spendingnight inlibra rydoingBiology. Everyone else was goingto rumpus roomfor a movie. I was planning to go to librarytoo but quicklydropped the idea as right now I had zero toleranc e to Aadils arrogant moods. I went to computer roominstead. There was no one inth ere. I made myselfcomfortable and started studying. I clearlyremember the clock striking12 and me flitching, wakingup fromsleep whenI saw himleaningonthe table right infront ofme. He was wearinga black sweat and was lookingextremelygorgeous inthat. Remember me? he said lookinginto myeyes. That was it. This here was the m ost beautifulhallucination, one canever have and this was the proofthat I was ma d. Did I disturb you? he asked calmly. His beautywas mesmerizing. I couldnt breathe , speakingwas impossible. He smiled crookedly. Do you want to come and study with me, Raag and Mandy? he asked breakingdownat ea

chword, hesitantly. He was givingme a choice. Maybe he willjust disappear ifI wo uld sayno. But thats exactlywhat I never wanted. I walked out followinghim, parti allyto see the limit ofmypotentialto imagine things. I kept noticingthe smallest ofthings whichI rarelyever did like he usinghis keycard to enter the library. R aagand Mandywere there onthe round conference table, whose everyinchwas covered withbooks. Hi Samiya. Theysaid enthusiastically, movingtheir chairs makingplace for me to fit in. Theydecided ongoingthroughone ofthe chapters inbiologyand thentest eachothe r onthat. As everyone was studyinga silence followed. Now I was at that point wh ere I couldnt differentiate what was realand what was imagination. I wanted to te st it. Which page is classification of kingdom animalia based on common features? I cant find it? I asked lookingat allthree oftheminturns. I didnt know where it wa s, so ifI didnt know how these characters ofmy imagination willknow. Pass me your book I will mark it for you Adisaid calmly. Whenhe returned there wa s somethingwritteninbeautifulcalligraphyIn lose hair you look like Virgin Mary. I flushed onreadingthose lines; he was equatingme witha faith, witha holymother, t o whomcountless souls devote their life. I read those words repeatedly; this was not a kind ofradicalcomplement I was used to. I wondered cana boymyage use that kind ofwords ofrespect and sanctityfor anygirl. This was definitelymyimaginatio n. But insanelyenough, I liked it. I cautiouslylooked at himbut he was engrossed inbook. So I tried concentratingonmine. I was stillstudyingwhenRaagand Mandysta rted talkingWhy didnt you do your studies in States? Raagwas askinghim. Dad was an e x Mayo student so he wanted me to go to the same school. He explained. Headmaster was my dads classmate he announced wryly, lookingat me. And I was actuallyverysurp rised ina wayhe couldnt know. Because he was myimaginationand he was givingme a p iece ofinformationthat I didnt know. Oh so thats the reason you came here? I asked e agerly. Yes. No Many reasons actually. I waited but he didnt sayanythingbeyond that. We talked a lot after that, about things, randomand silly. And I laughed to the point where mystomachstarted aching. Theyfinallydecided to pack up for night des pite mylittle reluctance. Once out oflibraryI didnt know ifI would be withthemlik e that again. Thanks for today. I said withinvoluntarymoisture inmyeyes. There was a suddenreti cence inthe roomWhats wrong? Raagasked strokingmycheek.Nothing. I was sick, so was h aving some silly thoughts. I lied.Nothing will ever happen to you. Ever. Do you ge t me? Mandysaid and hugged me. I was inturmoilofemotions whenI saw himdistressed. I had no idea what put himdownmycryingor Mandyhuggingme. It was ridiculous but I hoped that it was later. I would love to see how the most beautifulpersononEar thlooked like inanemotionwhichbrought feelings ofinsecurity, fear and anxiety, J ealousy. Inrealitythere was no reasonfor AadilRathore to be jealous but this was myimagination. Maybe he willbe. I think I should walk her down to her dormitory A disuggested firmly.No please I will be fine. I repelled; mydormwas just round the corner that was reallyunnecessary. No he is right. Its very late. Raagwas withhimin it good night guys, see you tomorrow. He waved movingaway. So it was us again. I w as as nauseous as it was for the first time, just me and him. You have become ver y close to Raag and Mandy? I decided to talk first breakingthe silence. Yeah. They are nice his voice deep and tense. Youare close to them yourself. He added. I amnot sure ifthat was a questionor a st atement. But I decided to put it straight anyways. Making him jealous, if that w as it was not that good after all. They are good friends and Mandy is more like a brother I emphasized onthe word br other, just incase he was worried about the huggingdeal. I couldnt believe I was explainingthis to someone that wasnt real. I was about to saysomethingwhenhe just disappeared and I felldownunconsciously. 4. INSANENESS

Next morningI woke up witha splittinghead ache. I was the last to arrive at the gymclass. As we did aerobics mymind was stillwonderingover the things that happe ned last night. I didnt know how I reachmydorm. Maybe black outs were also the pa rt ofthis illness. But no matter how serious this conditionwas, I wasnt goingto M r. Niven. Whywould I need treatment for it, I amnot harminganyone. Ifmyimaginati onpleases me, whats wrongwithit? As I would have guessed Aadildidnt evennotice me inthe class as usual. But now fo r some reasonit was not verydisheartening. I didnt like himeither, it was AdiI li ked. Anyways it was allstudyexcept for times whenSid threw paper balls at me lik e a kindergartenkid. Very mature SidI remember repeatingthroughout the dayat his sillypranks. I have l atelystarted feelinguncomfortable withSids attitude towards me. To some extent I have always knownthat he likes me and maybe because I cannever returnhis feeling , I feelsorryfor him. Its like Sid is Samiya and I amAadilinour case, whichreall yputs me ina spot where I want to killmyselffor doingthis to someone. After schooleveryone went to the music room, some event was comingup and Class 1 1 was preparinga musical.I despite the zero interest went to the music roomfor t he purpose ofattendance. WhenI walked inSara was sittingat drums and appeared ve ryrestless, Moonwas goingthrougha book, sandeep was playingrandomkeys at piano, Aadil was sittinginthe corner witha guitar, everyone else was crashed everywhere inthe room. Song selection Chaaya whispered. Suddenlythe music started playing.It was Aadil. Li sten to this he said seekingattention.He was playing guitarRonanKeating. One ofmyf avorite numbers. There was gratificationinhis voice as he sang Its amazing how you can speak right to my heart, without saying a word you can lig ht up the dark. Try as I may, I could never explain, what I hear, when you dont s ay a thingThe smile on your face lets me know that you need me, theres a truth in your eyes, saying youll never leave me, the touch of your hand says youll catch me whenever I fallYou say it best when you say nothing at all. His voice was veryoriginalas ifhe could feelwhat he was playing. Theres a joy on y our face whenever you see me, theres a pain in your eyes whenever I am leaving, t he voice of your thoughts reaches my heart, and I hear you best when you say not hing at all. I realized the last lines were not inthe song. He just made themup, He was a poet. Amazinga personas insensitive as himselfcould talk ofemotions. He blinked at me before playingthe last string, or thats what I thought he did. I l ooked back puzzled, was this Adi? I a little tense sneaked out to do myhomework. What was happeningto me these days didnt make sense. It was just like Gods existe nce doesnt make sense. Theysaythat maybe God doesnt exist but I talk to himwitha v erystrongsensitivityas ifhe is always listening. I remember Niya asked me the sa me questiononGods existence once, she asked whypeople sayGod is enemyofreason. I told her it is not necessaryto see everything, to have evidences. There are thin gs beyond reasoning. Science canonlysee whats observable, it will never have evid ences to few things like believe, faith, love and God. And whatever myimaginatio nwas; a beliefor a faithI wanted to stick to it. Lost inintellectualthoughts somethingthat I rarelydo I raninto Kirti, one ofmyse niors who is also studyingscience withbiology. We became veryclose over time as we shared a number ofcommoninterests except for studying. I asked Kirtiofhow she was goingwithher entrance preparationwhenshe took me bysurprise I am not taking entrance? Why? I asked surprised. It was upsettingfact that people who deserved to be there are not keenand the ones who are useless like me will get inthere byhoo k or bycrook. No I dont want to be a doctor. I will be doing bachelors in sciences . I will be working as a scientist some dayhopefully she said crossingher fingers. I s becoming a scientist a career goal. Why a scientist in particular? I asked amaze

d. A remnant sorrow appeared betweenher brows. Her eyes flickered awayto the boo k. I had an elder brother who died of muscular dystrophy at age of 12. He was paral yzed for as long as I remember and in terrible pain, pain of being helpless and pain to know that there was no cure to his situation. He knew everyday he came c loser to death. My mother lost it.when he was goneeverything went away with himshe s ighed and her eyes flickered back to mine filled withwater. Its like I am all by myself now. She said inpainIt doesnt feel good at this place. I want to change it for others if I can. Anuntimelydeathis somethingI consider high lyunfair. And more unfair was that the ones who are left behind have to live des pite theyare dead ina way. Whydoes this happento people? I caressed her hand hes itantly; I didnt know how to soothe her pain. I was tryingto get Kirtiout ofmymin d, whenRasna and Mooncaught up withme Whats going on between you and Aadil?? Rasna asked arrogantly. It took me a moment to interpret. I wasnt imaginingthat, he bli nked at me. But right now I was not ina mood for that discussion. Nothing I answer ed walkingawaytryingto sound normal. Then why was he staring at you like you were some bikini model from a playboy magazine Moonsaid makinga face. Her words slice d throughmychest, I felt like crying. And I was sure she was imaginingthings her self. You better go and ask him Moon I said calmlyscared ofhurtingher withmywords, thoughshe had forgottenallher manners lately. I felt completelyopposite ofwhat I was feelingthis evening. Somehow painwas also anenergywhich could neither be created nor be destroyed but could be transforme d. I wanted Adito show out ofthinair. I wanted to pass onmy sorrow to him; I trie d hard but failed to imagine him. Sara came hoppinglike a horse and crashed inmy bed. She said a whole essayabout somethingthoughI just picked the last line. Did you see how Aadil was staring at Chaaya. I mean with all that attitude and super iority of his. Chaaya? Sara asked inamazed irritation. Ohso he was lookingat Chaa ya, who was standingnext to me. And I had to suffer allthe sarcasmwithout anyrea son. I dodged Moons gaze, tuned downthe volume ofgossip around me, restingmyconcentrat iononSaras confabulationallevening. And later after supper immersed ina veryfasci natingbiologychapter. Everyone was sleepingwhenI looked out ofthe window. It was fullmoonnight. Moonwas as exorbitantlybeautifulas it was faked inscene ofa romantic movie. The breeze smelled ofcarnations inthe morningdew. I knew the taste ofthat fragrance. This is the aroma ofmyhome, this valleyeverynight just before dawn, whenthe mid night sunshimmers. The incense ofheavenonEarth. I poised infront ofthe window wi thopenarms admiringthe orb ofnight and enchanted bythe knowledge that I was 5000 meters closer to that heavenlybodythanbillions ofother people. I was somewhere ontop ofthe world. I let breeze runthroughme, so that it cantouc hmysouland its innocence is captured inside me, mitigatingme ofanyevil. This was a formofreincarnation. There was a pastoralsound ofrunningwater inthe background withthe millions ofoth er naturalnight sounds that included singingofinsects and trees onother side cov ered with twinklingfireflies and him leaningagainst a pillar next to footballgro und. I was dreaming of him. Now the view was cherubic and complete. He was wavingat me, askingme to come down. He had books withhim. I picked mine a nd randownstairs, takingtwo at a time and came to anabrupt stop. He was mounted at bottomofthe stairs, appearingmore like a Greek god thananyone had a right to. Hi he said withglitteringeyes. Remember me? As Will Smith once said life is not the amount of breaths you take, its the moments that take your breath away. That rig ht there was the moment for me. Hi I said cheerfullynot hidinga tiniest bit ofhapp

iness his presence brought to me. Library? he asked, his voice was guarded, he was askingmyconsent. The locationdoesnt matter whenits him I amspendingtime with. I n odded. We perched inthe silent area upstairs whichhad few chairs and anancient computer confined onone corner. There were few seniors onthe lower level, and the female s amongst those bore their sight into himas he leaded me upstairs, obviouslynot givinga damnthat I was watching. I had a sillymind. So this was the most trivial and secluded corner ofthe library, he was lookingfor a place withmore privacy. W e were here to talk, not for mere studying.

Adi, do you know that you are my imagination? I couldnt stop myselffromtellinghimt he truthofour relationship. He looked back amazed and petrified at the same time . What? he asked ina tense expression. You are not real. I sighed. Who told you that? You dont remember me or meeting me every morning. Nor does anyone else remember se eing us together. Mr. Niven told me that people like me sometimes start imaginin g things. You are not here in real. I paused I am schizophrenic. He looked back surprised. He couldnt talk for few seconds. I dont know. Maybe. He sa id fightingfor words you remember me after I leave?. He interrupted. Of course I do. I said contemplatinghis expression. I dont know. Maybe I am your imagination. But c an we just pretend that I am not. He whispered. I felt a bit dizzylookinginto his eyes. He turned to write somethinginthe book infront ofhim. His face was impass ive. How are you coping up with so much? I asked out ofcuriositystaringinhis maths book. I am doing alright because of all the added benefits I have He smiled. Like my excellent memory. You seem to be very confident about yourself. I stated startle d bythe resilience inhis tone ofvoice. I am. He answered playfully, not offended. He tilted his head and winked at me; gettingthe vibe that he was confusingme. Can aths fore word you learn this whole page by heart? he asked flickeringone ofthe pages ofhis m book. Of course not. No one could, It had silly formulas and thus and there so I nodded sideways innocently. He smiled a little. I know this whole book to word. He explained wryly.

I was too shocked to saya word. That was impossible. He was stillsmilingdistract edly, scribblingonthe notebook, whenI said undecidedlyAadil was. I paused to corre ct myselfYou were singing a song in music room today. Hun Thats my favorite song. I . He said indifferentlyThat song is always on replay mode on your CD Player. He was right.How do you know? I asked ina low voice. I can hear each and every sound of y our world. Oh was allI could say. Why were you staring at Chaaya today? I asked inter rogativelywitha slight humor. Why would I stare at Chaaya? he asked intenselyturningback the questionat me. The questionitselfwas the answer, his beautifulscorchingeyes fromunder the dark eyel ids were contemplatingme or that was what myheart wanted to believe. Talking about that, why is Sid always staring at you? I cringed I wish I could sto p him from doing that, without hurting his feelings. I know, its not easy, either w ay. To love or being loved. He said as ifhe was usingthose words inhis context. We decided to accomplishthe task we were technicallyhere for.studying. I memorize d biologylessonwhile he solved mathematicalproblems. He had a beautifulhandwriti ng, verycreative as ifhe was a professionalcalligrapher. This trait distinguishe d himfromcharacteristics oftwo species whichhe belonged to boys and doctor. Ther e was no morningsunshininginthe mountains whenmyalarmrang, it was time to start the day. There are days wheneverypart ofyouresist just the idea ofgettingout ofb ed, and there are days whenyouare nonchalant withpessimismand youthink oh god wh y another day, and thenthere are days whenyouwake up cheerfullyfullwithenthusias mand excitement lookingforward to something. Yes it was one ofthose days and I h

oped the days ahead remainthe same. Todaywas Yoga for the gymclass. After brushingteeththe lengthiest morning task f or me we went to the basement. Boys and Mr. Nivenwere alreadythere. There were two cardboard boxes sayingeco fr iendly yoga mats at the entrance ofthe room. I and Sara waited for the crowd to desert so that we cancullmats for ourselves. There was sound ofa familiar coughat myback. It was Aadilannouncinghis presence.

I turned instantly, unbalanced for a moment staringinto his eyes whichwere ocean ic blue this morning. The blue ofhis eyes changed shades, I amunsure ifits flore scence, or moisture or just the moods that affected the earlier. Morning he said i na quite voice to Sara, whichgot better everytime, without botheringto look at m e. That was impossible and insane that I was havingtime ofmylife withthis person , who barelyknows me.Well be practicing an hour later this evening. Will that be f ine with you? Yeah. Ill be there she said pursingher lips.See you then he said casual ywalkingaway. Unlike himI always faildrasticallyinmakingstandard talks withother people inhis presence that was reallyunfair. The serious business ofmeditationalclass turned hystericalwithVaibhavand Iqbalsn oring vociferously while we were tryingto listento the divine sound linkingdirec tlywiththe soulpracticinglyingdownmeditation. This happens whenyoumake sleep dep rived childrendo allthese weird moves to your body. WhenI entered the class ther e was a lot ofchaos. One ofthe chemistrywhizzes saw a questionanswer page for ch emistryonMr. Pandeys desk. Yeaha paper withquestions and answers to those questio ns. The not so bright students objected that a surprise test is possible because we were inmiddle ofanother chapter but the clever ones pointed out that the tes t wont be a surprise if its givenat the end ofthe same lesson. So anyways everyone was jottingdownthe answers onpalms, erasers, ontables to som e ofthe multiple choice questions that Mr. ChemistryWhizze remembered. He was st ar of the hour. And seriouslyspeakingI was no Angelso I pendownfew answers here and there myself. WhenI finished scribblingI subconsciouslyslipped the paper ont he next table, without seeingwho was sittingonit. No Thanks. Aadilreplied pushingthe paper back at mytable Duffer he added mutely. Th at was it. I was done withmyquota ofpatence. What did you just say? that were myfi rst words to the realAadil.Nothing he said casually. I had never beenthat furious ina longtime. You called me a duffer. What do you think of yourself? Moron. What are you haan? Pig. You arse hole.hippy. Why did you come here? Why cant you just go back to tha t fucking 18thcentury school of yours? I was shoutingat the peak ofmyvoice, I had never done anythinglike that before. Truthwas I felt relieved. I should have do ne that a longtime ago. I was preparinga solid grip onmyphysics reference book to pick it withone hand a nd throw it onhis face, because his blasd indifferent expressionwas makingme angr ier. I wanted to see himinpain, petrified, crying. And apparentlythat wouldnt be enougheither. But unfortunatelyMr. Pandeyintervened Leave it, what do you want do with the book. He asked worried bythe angle ofthe heavybook inmyhand. Shove it up his arse. I threw back onmyteachers face. And as soonas the words were out, I tur ned red, too embarrassed. Myanger faded. Mr. Pandeymoved myplace and allthe time people were snickeringaround me for some reason. Next two periods were for chemistrypractical. I couldnt understand that whya pigl ike Aadilhad to look so enormouslybeautifulina white lab coat.Dr Derek Shepherd o f Greys Anatomy is zero on ten compared to suave Dr Aadil Deep said ofhiminthe fir

st practicalclass. I evenwondered how excruciatingit willbe to nurses to give ce nt percent to the demandingprofessionwithhimaround. But that was whenI didnt know him. Myperspective has changed a lot since then. Our practicalinstructor has di vided the class ingroups offour withone girlineachgroup. We formed groups oursel ves the veryfirst daybut Sid and his mates almost set Lab onfire so instructor h ad to intervene and change the patternto save schoolfromdestruction. We were doingpurificationofa sample bycrystallizationtoday. Everyone was done wh ile myfellow members were stillstruggling. We got it wrongfor the second time. T hey assigned me a nugatorydutyofcollectingmaterialand apparentlymyjob was done. There were onlythree precautions inthe givenexperiment whichunfortunatelywere ne ither read nor takenbythese three stupids. Everytime I opened mymouthto saysomething, theysaid shhhh. So I decided to stayqui et and let themfiddle while theywere doingit wrongfor the third time. Aadil was leaningonthe opposite table withhis arms across his chest witnessingthe episode of how easily I can be dominated. Strangelynow that I shouted at himthis morning and evenattempted to killhim, he was more interested inme, like never before. W henwe failed inthe third attempt the instructor came to help us. He was about to start whenAadilintruded Why dont you let Samiya try ina disapprovingtone. She didnt get much of a chance to participate he chided whenthe instructor didnt answer imme diately. I realized everyone was staringat himperplexed but allegedlythat didnt c oncernhim. Go ahead. Give it a shot the instructor said cynicallywithout lookingat me. I had seenothers doingthe experiment and read the manualthrice so I easilyp ulled it off, thoughI wasnt fullyconcentratingonthe experiment. You give her chance next time the instructor rudelytold myfellow members examinin gcolor ofthe purified crystals. Why didnt you say you knew it Tushar whispered casu allyinmyear walkingback to our table.How skeptical. My eyes wide opened in disbe lief and rage. As if you were giving me a chance to say even a single word. But he moved onwithout waitingfor ananswer. Relax or else your eyes will pop out Raags aid frolicallylaughingat me. I saw Aadilsmilingtoo, he looked so muchlike Adiwhe nhe smiled. I got distracted for a minute. Ha ha I said sedatelyrollingmyeyes befo re movingonto mytable.. It was a fundayifI eliminate the prattle that was goinga round about me. We did another test incoachingclass and thenI scuffed to the gro und blithelyafter changinginto eveninguniform. I was lookingforward to spend tim e withthe little sprites. I divided theminto teams oftwo and watchthemplay. Behind me Aadiland other boys frommyclass were practicingbasket ball. Aadilwas d ribblinga ballnear to the net. His hair were movinginexact formulationwithhis wa lk, the sleeves ofthe jumper were folded tillelbows and he looked more ofa pro t hananyone could imagine. Boys fromjunior Basket ballteamwere practicingonthe oth er net. Theywere juniors inregard to their age; physicallytheylooked prettygrown up. And theyformed the best basket ballteamPinegrove ever had.

I couldnt help overhearingthe conversation.I wonder how boys tolerate basketballWe c alled it a girls game back home. I mean Mayo Aadilwas tellingIan. So whats your game? anasked. I was wonderingifhe could evenswinga bat or kick a ball, I meanhe never gave anysport vibes. I play football. I am a soccer boy he said enthusiasticallyd oingsome coolballpranks. AllAadildoes is talk bigofhimself. I bet other thanhis beauty, he doesnt have a s ingle qualityBludy Show off. I whispered to myself. I swear his face turned a litt le as ifhe heard what I said. And I died right there ofembarrassment. He suddenlystopped bouncingthe balland held it inhis armpit contemplatingthe jun ior boys team. Karan, captainofthe team, was practicing, while everyone watched. I have seenKaranplayinghe is undefeatable. Aadilwithhis friends walked to other side ofthe ground. He had a verygracious wayofcommunicating, not that the boys w ere aware ofbut he easilygot his wayout withthem, I have noticed. I was unable t

o hear the conversationbut apprehended the situationwas leadingto a matchwithKar anand Aadilshakinghands and other boys clearingthe court. Aadiltook offhis jumper and threw it over the ramp. A sleeveless greyshirt tugge d his masculine chest. He had descent biceps but he stilllooked prettyfragile as compared to all the boys insight. I had a pettytwinge ofregret; allthe girls spe ctators were now ravishinghiminthe present formwhere he looked like a runwaymode l. Anyways it was hard not to have hots for him, withor without the jumper on. I reckoned evenifhe lost the matchthere would be no adverse effect to his fame as he was anobject oftemptationinother ways. Karanstarted the game withdribblingthe ball. The object ofthe game is to merelys et the velocityand height ofthe ballso that it goes throughthe hoop according to books. Things are complicated onfield.Aadil was onthe defense and I guess unawa re ofhow good Karanis at free throws. He has a good arc in his throws and can sho ot from far distance.I have no bludyidea what that means but I have heard people sayingthat a lot about him. Karankept messingwiththe ballwhensuddenlyhe jumped h ighto take a shot; simultaneouslyAadiltook the same lap and blocked him. The han d coordination, the movement of ballwas blurred but somehow now Aadilhad the ball. I was disarrayed withthe conf usioninthe court. It was more like a mind game. I was unable to presume anyones m ove. Out ofnowhere Aadiltook a sharp turnand a verticaljump a few inches awayfro mthe hoop and slammed the ballthroughthe rimsingle handed. Nothingcompared to a fast break that finished withanemphatic thrust ofthe ballthroughhoop. Boys aroun d himwere goingnuts wildlycheeringshouting He dunks the ball he dunks the ball runni ngallover himinthe court. The game was over because now the highlyimpressed comp etitor was askingfor lessons onballdunking. Theywere makinghimdo that over and o ver againand everytime he dunked theyshouted instate ofhighexcitement. I too con scious suspended the class and was makingmywayout ofthe ground whenAadilblocked myway, I came to anabrupt stop. Show off he said harshly, repeatingwhat I have said. His face was appealingred an d he was sweating, but stillhe smelled veryexotic. He was alreadymore seductive than anyone had right to, I wonder whyhe used intriguingperfumes ontop ofthat. W e were there like that tillhis anger faded, and he cleared mywayhesitantly, walk ingout ofthe ground. Lost I could stillsmellhimwhenI saw that he forgot takinghis jumper. I tentative lypicked it up and despite returningit; I waddled to mydormundecided, ducked the jumper under mypillow and covered it withquilt. I was onbed whensomethingcame flyingfromthe window and dropped onthe ground. Wait ing outside. Adi. The paper tugged onthe stone said. I excitedlyrushed downstairs ; that was a pleasant surprise I wasnt expectinghimso early. Couldnt wait to see yo u. The angelsaid whenI reached the last step. The wayAditells me his feelings, so manifestly, amused me. I hoped I had that kind ofcourage and honesty. I started walkingalongwithhim, too distracted to ask where we were going. You are good at basketballthe dunking thing I said sarcasticallymakingit sound like the boys. You p ulling my leg? he asked selfconsciouslyeyeingme. I smiled ironically. That was for you. He announced. I felt specialwithallthe courtesyhe treated me with, like everythinghe said or d id was about me. No one ever gave me that importance. I have always beeninsignif icant, just another one inthe crowd. Whenhe said stufflike that I desperatelywanted to confess myintricacyto him, to clincheverythingand dissolve inmywants.You know we had a fight today. I was on th e verge of killing you. I smiled feelingguilty.But trust me I was trying to teach you some manners. I added too quickly.And trust me I was trying to teach you to sp

eak out for yourself. He answered patientlyI wish you had done the same when Moon said things to you. I was overwhelmed. I must like Aadilverymuch, thats whyI was f indingreasons for his attitude towards me inthese fantasies. I noticed he was ca rryinga guitar case.Is this your guitar? I asked, makingtalk to shut downthe thoug ht ofreality. I liked this fantasyworld. Yup he said peekingat the guitar case and movinghis free hand alongthe lengthofit, like it was somethingthat had life, somethingthat had hiddenmeaningto his life. Usually people do that stuffto show emotions towards their dogs. Its a custom pick, designed by an Australian company. This is guaranteed to last pretty much forever. It is made of a meteor he continued. A meteor. I gave himthat I dont understand looks. It is fashioned from pieces of Gibeon meteorite which was discovered in 1836 some where in Africa. That makes it durable and unique. There are not many of its kin d. He said explaining. You know every thing that is played on this guitar, will stay forever. What does t hat mean? I asked confused. Sound is not a purely mechanical phenomenon of wave propagation, according to Par a physics. There are means by which the sounds can be left in this medium, to be heard later. Do we need a device to find it later? No. Every human has an ability t o hear it, one just had to work to improve on it. I dont understand. I confessed.Have you ever heard noises when you are alone? Like opening of door, of wind, of som eone talking when actually not a single thing is moving. Yes. I said surprised it ac tually happens a lot to me. So those are just the sounds left by the people who li ved here previously. He said wryly. I groaned You know you are scaring me. He smile d They are sounds not ghosts. You dont have to be scared. So can I listen to whateve r you have played, later. Yup. Concentrate. The sounds are there, you just have to turn up the volume a little he explained.Nice. I said consideringwhat he has said. I was quiet for a while. Raag and Mandy are coming too he announced breakingthe a wkward silence. Are they? I sounded verypleased, evento myownears. We were goingto wards the music room. The cacophonyofthe music roomfilled the whole corridor. It has always beenused as a place for socializingdiminishingthe actualpurpose ofth e so called music room. I shylywalked behind Adinot knowingwhat everyone sees wh enI amseeinghim. Adiwalked straight towards the other end ofthe room, the ramp onthat a stage like feeling. So usuallypeople practice there. Just standing p gives me stage fright. I walked inlookingat that ramp, thats what lookingat and suddenlyand swiftlysomeone jumped at me frombehind the heard huge roar somethingthat sounded like bhau. edge gives on that ram everyone was door and I

I shrieked at top ofmyvoice, falldownand trembled there for few seconds almost p anickingto death. It was Mandy. Everyone was whoopingturningaround onfloor, hold ingtheir stomachs. So the whole drama was just to scare me. I gave some good one s to that Mandy after regainingconscious. Adiwas scrupled and was smilingshylyun ladinghis guitar as ifhe was beingteased.In all that mess I was wondering why so meone has to be so sweet!! And the good part was Moons attitude was buttoned-down today, she was accompanyingeveryone inthe fun. I noticed Sara was twittering, ac tingbenignantlytowards Adigivingexaggerated opinions onhis musicalskills.Whats up with her? I wondered. She was not very sociable with him until this morning. So you can dunk the ball? She asked charminglytalkingto him. Oh for Christ sake. Whats the big deal about it? Out of all the luring factors sh e founds the ball thing amazing. Also thats startling, how quickly the word sprea d around. And they say boys dont gossip.

Niya also joined the group ofgood for nothing audiences shortlyafter the practic e began. There were few others like Mandyand Sid who started whistlingwhenever t he girls danced and threw awayfake paper notes onthem. So finallyallthose sorts were kicked out. Sara, Sandeep and Adi were successfulincreatingmagic. The music was soothingand veryliberated. It was sweepingme offmyfeet. It was tune ofardor for a babybird whenhe spreads his wings for the veryfirst ti me, it was a rayoflight for a prisoner indungeon, and it was the hymnoffaithofMe era inLord Krishna. The music deserved dance offreedom, hope and passion, someth ingthat was unguarded. I wondered whyMoon and crew were workingso hard onthe ste ps. Samiya would you like to assist with dressing and make up on the day Rasna asked tentatively. I promptlyagreed as I knew it was just animagination. The girls lef t as theyhad to meet Ms Anjalifor decidingdresses. Sara, Sandeep, Niya and Adiwe re doingtheir ownformofentertainment explaininghow their instruments work. While I sat there engrossed, thinkinghow smallmyworld was. It was so modest that it f itted ina smallmusic room. These three people here possessed myeveryreasonto be alive. I read somewhere that Some people are your family, no matter when you find them, and some people are not, even if you sleep with them in same bed for year s. This, right here was myfamily. I had no idea where fate willtake allfour ofus but I knew theywillbe cherished inthe safest part ofmyheart untilthe dayI amcrem ated. Whentheywere done I told themfew funnystories ofhow Niya played Casio for money, onallthe familyoccasions. Uncles used to pushfew notes inher hand after everysongshe played, and she happi lyaccepted cashfor her services. I think, makingmoneyout ofit was what kept her goingfor hours. And surprisinglytillnow she doesnt understand whats wrongabout that. I also told t hemsome not so funny stories, like how mygrandfather passed awayinsleep while Ni ya sat onthe edge ofhis bed playingCasio. I have accused her manytimes ofkilling grandpa withher terrible music, duringfights.And that she believed. Her brainscr ews apparentlyneeded some fixing, she was mysister after all. We spent whole eveninglaughingand as realitystuck inaninvisiblyquick second I fo und myselfsittingallalone inthe music room. I walked back to the dormheedlessly. I was gettingused to the suddendisappearance ofthe characters ofmyimagination. Also a part ofme knew that theyllshow up againsooner or later. Sara was onmybed as usual. I wonder why she always chooses the upper bed in the bunk when she actually uses the lower one, thats mine, approximately three hundre d days a year. Tell your mum the fabric softener she uses is magical. It changes fragrance. Your bed smells of mens cologne she said firmly, as ifshe was serious. H ows that possible? Holy crap!!!Adis jumper under her head. I rushed to sit onthe e dge ofthe bed onpillow. Talked nonsense to distract her fromthe topic. I sighed inreliefwhenshe decided to walk downfor dinner. At dinner Rasna told me that Mrs. Anjaliwas rentingwhite frocks froma localretai ler for the dance. Sandeep, Sara and Adi can wear whatever they want she said unbo thered. Hey do you want to help in dressing and makeup. She asked. I looked back s urprised. How could I have guessed that. Yeah sure I answered distracted swallowin gthe hard potato fromthe currywithwater. Food inschoolwas not theyummiest, but t heysayits the healthiest. ThoughI doubt it. There was a fixed time table for the meals here. Technicallythat meant eatingyel low daalonMondays, potato curryonTuesday, capsicumonWednesdays, kidneybeans on T hursdayand chick peas onFriday, for one verylongyear. We cantellwhichdayofthe we ek it is fromlookingat the food. That could be funnyto some people, not to us.

I had to go to computer lab todaywithRaag, Mandyand Aadilas some online referenc e papers had to be done as part ofcoaching. As if the books werent enough. I was not veryhappywiththis accord because this usuallyis the time whenAdicomes to see me. Mandy, Raagand Aadilwere fiddlingwithlab keywhenI reached onsecond levelofthe se nior wing. Aadils physicalresemblance to Adialways intrigued inside me the feelin gs whichwere not meant for him. WishI could help. Raag I need some more time to r evise. I will be in library, you carry on. I lied tryingnot to look at Aadil. Ins tead ofgoingto libraryI ambled inthe tinyshaded lanes betweenthe trees lookingfo r Adi. Lost I reached headys cottage like house downthe alleyonthe left side ofth e car park. This has always fascinated me since childhood. Whenever I read ofthe witchs cottage inHansel and Gretel, I related it to headys chalet. Not that Heady was a witchbut the hut was a geographicaland structuralmirage. There was one felicityofthingwhi chwas peculiar to this hut; I have always lived init indelusions and dreams, as a grownup. ThoughI have never crossed the no mans land to get anycloser to it. I wonder whymyparents three storeyhouse whichis subjected to renovationeverysixmont hs; and is anenormous example ofstyle and lifestyle is not the house ofmyfantasi es. Maybe because that modernstructure is not feasible withthe fairytales I have heard or maybe because that house is not at alla house to me inthe first place. I was amblingonthe line of control, lost inthoughts whenhe appeared. What are yo u doing here? he asked calmly, inthe gentle tone whichworked like magic onme. I th ought Ill give you company I said pleased. He smiled hesitantly. Come Ill show you s omething he took myhand walkingme downthe lane. We were goingin the wrong, very w rong direction, towards the witchs cottage. What are you doing Adi? I am not suppo sed to go there I alleged, repellingto go anyfurther. There can be serious conseq uences, for me as unfortunately my dad wasnot in Mayo in Class of 75.And also un like him I was real. Shhhh he whispered withhis finger onlips.Whatever I thought. Naturally hypnotized, f ollowing him. Myheart fluttered as we walked across the hut. It was a realbeauty ; a verytraditionalmountaingem. We were at the back ofthe house. A refined kitchengardenwas spread allover the b ackyard. Veggies and herbs were carefullyaligned and organized ina waythat theyi ntensified the attractiveness ofthe vicinity. But anyways whats so special about it? He risked my life to show me what heady does with his free time. Beautiful. C an we go now? I murmured tracingmywaybackLook at that he said pointingtowards the t op ofthe mountain. A stringoflights; dazzlingand flashywere movinghastilyina row. Theywere like cel estialbodies dancinginanopenuniverse. I stood there speechless, puttingit togeth er inmy head. Whats that? I asked finally He smiled lookinginto myeyes. Those are cars. I think t hat is Shimla road he explained his eyes shininginthe weak moonlight. Waow was allI managed to gasp inthat astoundingmoment. No part ofthe mountainwhichwas section ed to make roads was visible fromPinegrove. I had no idea this angle existed. To me schoolwas confined withinfour walls. Isnt it beautiful? he asked steppinginto t he no mans land. Out of the world I gasped. Samiya why did you come here? he asked onthe wayback. I told you to give you compan y. I failed to sound amazed. I knew that wasnt the onlyreasonor that wasnt the comp lete truth. He laughed. No. I mean to Pinegrove. His voice mused. That was a sensi tive subject for me. There are thousands of reasons I murmured. Give me few he inter rupted. Foremost Dad had to keep moving around due to business and mum had to stay at ho

me because of me. My mums a house wife. I explained. But she wanted to be with dad. And I was sick. Every four months they had to rush me to the hospital in the mi ddle of the night. Asthma was killing my parents more than it was killing me. De lhi was not the right place for someone as sick as I was You know I feel my parents put up a serious fight with God to keep me. I would ha ve been dead a long ago. I added. I remember how mymumused to cryand mydadspent d ays and nights without blinkingsittingnext to me onthe hospitalbed, keepinganeye onmyeachand everybreath. He remained quite and tense. What? I asked, I dont remember sayinganythingthat coul d worryhim. I cant imagine you that sick. I guess I have always seen you like full of life. He answered invelvet voice. I have seen death so closely, that now I und erstand the meaning of life. And I am not always happy, most of the time I am ju st pretending. I confessed. You are very cheerful, when I am around. And you are n ot pretending then he said, withanedge to his voice. You wish I answered sarcastica lly. So why you think, you didnt go then. Was it your parents prayers that kept you ali ve? he reframed a simple question, why arent you dead. It was probablyhard for him to saythe D word. Mostly it is. I answered after a plausible second. Do you believe in mysticism? I a sked before continuing. I havent given it much of a thought he answered. Well I dont know how to explain you this. Do you know anything about Bheeshma Pitahma of Mahab harata? I asked. He looked at me puzzled, failingto see anyconnection. Yes. A little. He was the strongest character of Mahabharata and Grandfather of K auravas and Pandavas. He lived for 350 years he mumbled rememberinganythinghe kne w about the character. Do you know anything of his vows and his powers? I asked interrogatively. Nope he w hispered. His vows are interesting but not of our concern right now. But his power or you c ould say a blessing was a very extraordinary gift that any person in the whole m ankind can receive. His father and Gods gave him boon of swachhanda mrityu or Is chcha Mrityu. I paused dramatically. Ischcha Mrityu means control over your own death. He could choose the time of hi s death but he was not immortal. I explained. His face became curious as I talked . He died at approximately 350 years of age at the battlefield when he wanted to give up his body. You may think thats funny but every time I was being taken to the hospital or the time when I fall down while rock climbing. I knew the game was over. The transit ion point when everything became still or numb from a shocking peak of pain or t he hard breaths was the time when I knew someone was there to pick me up. I stopp ed for a second relivingthat moment. But then I heard my mother crying, my dad shouting my name and I prayed to God to not take me for their sake. If that would have happened for once I wouldnt have th ough about it but that instance repeated few times and then I knew You knew what? h e interrupted his voice tempted withheavycuriosity.I knew that I had the same ble ssing. I have a boon of Ischcha Mrityu in a very strange way. God cant take me un til I allow him to He looked at me surprised. So were your parents there when you fell while rock climbing? he asked. I remember everybit ofeachofthose experiences veryclearly. No. Actually that part is quite unexplainable. I knew I was leaving and I wasnt re

luctant. I felt light and numb and in another second I was in terrible pain. I w as back in my body. I dont know why they didnt take me back then I answered. Maybe it was for someone elses sake he suggested. That didnt go withmytheory. Do you remember when that happened? I mean you falling down while rock climbing he aske d. I couldnt believe that he was goingwithmytheory. That was mid of 2001 I answered . I remember the 9/11 attack happeninglater that year. His eyes wide opened. Was it May 10, 2001 he asked. I dont remember. But whats about that? I looked at himinama zement. Nothing it just occurred to me that it must be the day. Something bad I r emember took place on that date he answered relaxinghis brows. There was a briefs ilence before he changed the vibe. You know you have lost so much weight in last few days he said worried climbingsta irs. You dont eat properly. Is something wrong? Well that explains why my tunics an d skirts keep gliding down.

Nah. Everything is fine health wise. Trust me I am hungry all the time. I havent l ost appetite, if thats what you mean. But I sighed the potato curry is excruciating all the curries, as a matter of fact I announced smiling. He chuckled. Well eat more of yoghurt and salads then he recommended. I like the co lors on you. Keep them intact I dropped mygaze, duckingout.Well I liked the color s on him too. Red lips, blue eyes, dense black eyelids, pink in cheeks. I have n o words for how much I wished in that moment that he wasnt that beautiful, he was nt that incredible so that he could have belonged to me and with me. You know Sid is going to propose you soon. He said ina warningtone. I dont know how that came u p out ofnowhere. How do you know? I asked smiling. I know he answered wickedlyas usu al. We were quiet for a while. You see future. Dont you? I asked undecidedly. Someti mes. He agreed. For a moment I wanted to ask what myfuture was but I changed mymind instantly. M aybe I willend up ina mentalasylumfew years downthe lane, somehow since birththe final years ofthe schoolis the last place I see myselfinfuture. Maybe mypresent is myfuture. I saw us goingback to dorm. I reluctantlysaid good night and turned to leave. I kn ew he willjust disappear behind me. Samiya he called after me. WhenI impulsivelytu rned around to look at him, myworld paused at his expression. I never see us toge ther in future. He murmured, his voice, serious and huskyreplenished withanemotio n. Desperation and helplessness. I really want to. he confessed. The flawless shape ofhis motionless body, the perf ect white ofhis skinand the sphere ofvulnerabilityinhis voice urged me to get cl oser to him, to touchhim, to hold him. But instead I stood there motionless scared ofpushingmyfate anyfurther. I wanted you to have something of me. To remind you of me His prismatic eyes glittered und er the moon. I wanted you to keep my jumper He murmured ina gentle but tense voice . Mycheeks flushed at the realizationthat he knew. His velvetyvoice was compelli ng. I hesitantlytook a step inhis direction, gettingcloser to himwas one thingthat I couldnt resist under that pallid light ofthe stars withthis enticingpersonwhose charmpulled me like a magnet since the dayhe stepped into myworld. Maybe his nearness would be anantidote to myanxiety. He took a step back. His li ps tightened. I knew that he knew what I was up to. Slowlyit sinked, that it was nt the virtuous thingfor himto do. A horrible feelingofbeingrejected ranover me. You should sleep now. Its late. His breathblew inmyface, overpoweringme. The sweet,

deep scent ofhis breathwas exquisite, a blend offragrance ofjasmine and ofone o f those wines that sits indads cellar, but ina more concentrated form.I blinked, thoroughly dazed and a bit humiliated Samiya. His voice was deep and compelling, his eyes changinga shade ofblue You wont remember me. And suddenly allthe lights we nt offina dime. 5. ABSENCEIt was hard inthe morningto believe last night was dre am. The scent ofhis warmbodywas unwittingme, and a part ofme believed it was a r eal. I know it was irrationalbut I couldnt make myselffeelless happyabout the fac t that Adiwanted me as I wanted him. Todayit was unusuallycloudy. I like rain. I have few good memories riveted withi t. So I had a good feelingabout the day. The gymwas cancelled that morning. While everyone straggled inthe dorminpajamas and few struggled withface scrubs, I decided to write to mum. I used to write her everyweek untillast few years. I know it was more out oflove thancompulsion. But I sort oflost a connectionthere, a letter a week turned to a letter a monthand thennone. Mama kept writingme pun ctuallyand unconditionally. Everyletter was virtuallya copyofthe last one except for few details that changed so languidlythat I didnt see the change coming. First few said things like dont cry, mama misses you too, eat properly. Thenfor a longtime the letters said does Niya cry? We miss both of you, does she eat proper ly. And recentlytheysaid I cry to sleep everyday, I miss you all the time, and I d ont want to eat thinking you must be hungry. So I took a penand paper and started writing. I told her not to cryeverydayand i ndulge insome socialactivities. I told her I missed her too. I thanked her for d oingthe right thing for me, for keepingme awayfromher for mybenefit. While endin gthe letter I dont know what came over me and I wrote I dont know why mama. I am ha ppy all the time. You said my guardian angel is watching over me, she will rewar d me for good deeds. You were right. Always yours Samiya Ifmymumis smart enoughsh e willnotice a gradualchange inmyletter as well. The Always and only yours was n ow always yours. What are you writing? Sara asked brushingher teethlookingdubious inher pajamas whichhardlyreached her ankle. She fought withthe matronover laundr yissues, it took a longargument to explainher that she was growingtaller not tha t the pajamas were shrinking. Writing to mum I answered foldingthe paper. I was tr yingto keep it fromher; actuallylatelyI was tryingto keep a lot fromher. I wishI could explainher things whichare more complexthana teenage mind canunderstand. C an you write to my mum as well Ill owe you a big one she pleaded, the frothofthe pas te runningdownher chin. Disgusting I thought.Well you have to promise that you wi ll never brush your teeth publically again I asked makinga face whichwas anuninte ntionalreactionto her hygiene issues. I swear on Nani she promised wipingher chinw ithher sleeve.Theres no way her nani will make until next year, I thought to myse lf. So She was makingme write a letter to her mumwhichwillbe addressed byher. It isnt new though, I have done that before. I started Dear Mum Hope you are fine. Not that I am concerned, you know how I am J Well the news is that I am doing great despite of some of the issues with Mess food, laundry, be d bugs, bathroom ques and some of the students. It may not come to you as a surprise that I am on football team and basket ball team. And you will feel proud to know that I have sent in a written complaint to Himachal Pradesh Public Service Commission about discrimination against girls a s they are not allowed to form an independent cricket team in this school. Samiy a wrote the complaint letter for me, not that she wanted to. Well regardless of the fact that none of the girls want to be on the cricket team we will have an i ndependent team by the end of this semester, InshaAllah. I spend all my pocket money on buying skittles due to which I have pimples as bi

g as planets all over my face, but you should be proud that I am not spending th at money on buying drugs. Though I learned to grow opium and recipes of some hom e made drugs from a guy I cannot name. You should not be upset about it and look at the positive side that I now have aknowledge which very few people have and it can be used as a potent business idea if I end up doing nothing in life. You will be happy to know how I fight for my rights, in the literal sense of the wor d. I beated the shit out of Kunal when I found out that he has stolen my iPod. T hough it later turned out that I had forgotten my iPod in TT Court and he had th e same one. I am so busy all the time that I dont remember when I last made my be d. I am eating properly and have saved banana and mango peels in my cupboard to show you, they stink and can eventually become a cause of a global epidemic but I dont care much. I think it was 2001 when laden attacked WTC that I last waxed m y legs; its not on my list of priorities right now. But except that everything is being planned. Diwali is in November but I have al ready started preparing the fire crackers Last but not the least I do study occa sionally. They failed me in an exam on psychology with incorrect and strict mark ing. I did whatever I can to sit a retest. I succeeded. But they have failed me on the retest again. They havent changed their marking pattern you see. I really hope that you dont do a surprise visit on visiting weekend because I hav e other plans. But one thing I never say out loud or frequently is that I love y ou mama and Samiya told me I talk to you in sleep almost every night. Always and only yours Sara I handed over the page to Sara without worryingthat she might r ead it. I know her levelofpatience inreadingor writingletters. Wellshe returned it to me as soonas she took it askingme to post it for her.Well thats what friend s are for. I thought sarcasticallykeepingthe letter at the back ofmybook. I pinn ed up myhair nicelyand paid extra attentionto mylooks that morning. I have always preferred using Fa deodorants rather thanperfumes. But that mornin gI opened a black cardboard boxsayingBritney Spears Curious and dabbed the scent onmy inner wrists and neck froma blue bottle withmulti-faceted glass silhouette and two pink hearts sprawlingagainst the rim. The fragrance was a white florals cent whichwas very feminine compared to the scents I was livinginlately. I prefe rred the later though. Theres no harm adding more perfumes to my very limited collection. They smell nic e. Maybe I can go perfume shopping with mum next visiting weekend. She would lov e that. I smiled onthe idea. I smelled his jumper againbefore pushingit into mycupboard. There was stillhalfa nhour for breakfast. I couldnt believe that time was goingbyso slowly. I made mybed alreadyso didnt want to sit onit. Unknowingly and unintentionally I inherited some freak obsessive compulsive disorder genomes frommymother. Inmycas e the disorder was limited to certainthings like making up bed all the time, bru shing teeth for hours and always removing shoes at their respective place and ea ch shoe on its respective side. Wellso I thought Illgo and see Niya for a while. I used to be around her a lot mo re before. I hope she doesnt notice. There was a huge chaos intheir dorm. That wa s the part ofmorningroutine. Kids are more disorganized and lack experience onli vinginherds like sheep. I found her twiddlingwiththe tie knot standingbare feet next to her bunk. She tw inkled onmysurprise visit. I helped her and others withmiscellaneous tasks ofcom binghair, fixing skirts, tyinglaces etc. Theydefinitelyneeded some extra help th ere, one aya was not enough. I promised thema swimonFridayeveningdespite the fac t that I had no idea where Illbe. I was not very good with keeping promises you s ee. I was fixingher books back inher cupboard whena black shinyobject lyingonthe

bottomshelfcaught myattention. Ona close look I discovered it was a mouthorgan, very unique apparently. I dont remember myparents buyingher that. Where did you g et this Niya I asked assertively, showingher the mouthorgan. Myparentalinstinct a wakened; scared she was stealingor indulginginsomethingthat was possiblyworse. M ale teachers using young girls sexually inveigling them with materialistic thing s was somethingI have heard ofquite often. Myheart sank onthe thought. Oh god pl ease no please no. She panicked and her face terrorized. Her eyes dropped to the ground. I pulled her into the corner aggressively. Where did you get this? I aske d inthreateningvoice this time. I was onthe verge ofburstinginto tears and getti ngviolent withher. Aadil. The boy from your class gave it to me she answered stamm eringwithfear, tears rollingdownher cheeks. I became numb, mymind refrained. Why? I asked politelybut ina tense voice. A part ofme didnt want to listento the an swer. I havent imagined that inmyworst fears. Whywould Aadilgive somethingto Niya , he didnt know us. Commonsense and logic, bothwere not onmyside. He asked for your picture instead. s he answered weeping.

I started breathingonce I grasped the information. I felt so relieved as ifa clo se relative have returned fromdeathbed. But now I was surprised whyAadilwillneed mypicture, was he doingsome black magic onme? You traded my picture for a mouth organ? I asked sarcasticallypullingher close to mychest, clearingmymind.I told him he can keep the picture. I dont need the mouth organ. Ohso she was givingit for f ree. But he said he bought it for his sister who he wont see sooner. He said he wa nted me to have it as a present. She said stammeringand crying, her face onmyches t and her hands around mywaist.I am sorry sweetheart. I thought you were stealing . I am sorry. I was just worried about you I explained kissingher red cheek, wipi ngher face. Few moments ago I wanted her to be safe, more thananythinginthis wor ld and right now I wished I would have not used that tone withher no matter what .Ill return it didi. I dont want it she said lookinginto myeyes. No. You dont have to You can keep it. Its a present. Thats nice of him. He thought of you as a sister. I said puttingthe mouthorganback fromwhere I picked it. The picture that was cli cked byNiya withher disposable camera onmy15thbday, last year was sticked inside her locker. It was no more there. I closed her cupboard and returned her the ke ys. You know di whatever Ill play on this mouth organ it will stay forever. This is sp ecial. Its made from a meteor Mymouthfellopenindisbelief. Thats what Aditold me of his guitar. How could I imagine somethingthat I didnt know of? Somethingsomewhere was not right. Hey there I said pushingmywaybetweenRaagand Mandy, who supposingly were dissipated indiscussingworld issues onthe breakfast table, with their hands ome mate missing. Think of Devil Raagsaid movinghis chair aside, makingspace for me to fit inand Ma ndyagreeingflicked onmyhead. Ouch.Mandy.You are such a pig I said agitatedlyrubbin gmyhead. Ill take it as a compliment he said smiling.Of course you will. Pigs are m uch more sensible. I thought So whenthe greetings were over I maneuver timidlywhile mytwo suspicious audience s waited for me to prevailuponmysuddenfriendlybehavior at 7.30 inthe morningwhen I am usuallybusyevennoticingtheminour tenyears ofhistorytogether.So whats up? Raaga sked tiltinghis head over his palm, takinga good look ofmyface, definitelyeyeing Mandybecause there has to be some reasonfor the crooked smile. Nothing much I answ ered politelypouringmyselfa glass ofwater and started sipping, myhand tremblingl ike anything, as theytwo stillcontinued eyingme, I dont know where to start. There was a briefsilence. He is gone out of school. If thats what you are after Man dyrendered indifferently. What? I asked confused.Aadil is out of school Mandysaid. G irls must have beenaskingabout him, thats whytheyare behavingso funny.Thats none of

my business. I answered withutter honestyActually I wanted to know. I hesitated is something weird happening to you? Like forgetting things andseeing things that d ont make sense. I asked confused unable to bet myexperiences inwords. Theylooked at me blankly. Are you still sick? Raagasked worried. Forget about it. I said and left a bit irritated. I culled for the note Adiwrote inmybook and matched it to Aadils hand writingfrom his notebook, whichI stole fromstaffroom. It matched. I put inallmyeffort to wri te withthe same strokes, inthe same calligraphybut I couldnt get evenclose. I was sure I couldnt have writtenthat duringone ofthose imaginationattacks. It has to be someone else. PossiblyAadilhas the answers to myquestions. But he was out ofs chool. We werent allowed to leave schoolduringsemesters unless somethingveryimpor tant came up like a deathor a weddingofsomeone close. I dont know whyI was worrie d for Aadils family, I was prayingfor their wellbeingconstantlyinmyheart allthe t ime. Myeyes kept flickeringto his emptyseat and to the door where I wished he wo uld appear out ofthinair. And everytwo minutes I opened his notebook as it made me feelthat he was close. MissingAadilshould feellike ditchingAdibut somehow it didnt. WithAadilgone, Adiwas gone too. I used mylunchhour and allthe free time to prepare notes for Aadil so that he doesnt miss out onanything. I wasnt sure whenh e was comingback or evenifhe was comingback at all. I went to libraryafter finis hingcoachingand the basket ballgame. It was a verylongdayand thoughI was working onsomethingor another the whole time, a strange kind of emptiness siege me. I re alized I was alone before he came but I wasnt lonely. Thanks to himhe was a conti nuous fuelfor thought and I was lonelier thanI have ever been. Distracted I scribbled his name onlast page ofone ofthe notebooks outliningit wi thsmallhearts sittinginthe silent corner ofthe library. I wrote myname beneathhi s and started crossingthe commoncharacter; I realized I was playingflames. That was a sillylittle thingwe used to do whenwe were kids, it was a bit ofcalculatio nand crossingto get one letter as a result. F stood for friends, L for love, A f or Adore, M for marriage, E for Enemies and S for sisters. The result came out to be A. So we adored eachother. I dont know what his feeling s were for me but mine were definitelymore thanadorationso I crossed the whole t hingin irritation. I ate a lot ofsalad for lunchand dinner as was requested ofme and waited inlibraryuntilmidnight hopinghellshow up. But he didnt. I went to bed halfheartedlyand spent a restless night waitingfor the morningallalong. He wasnt there the next day. I waited untilafternoonbut his absence was makingme worried now. I didnt know whomto ask except for headmaster. I remember headmaster givingu s sweets whenever beingsent to his cozylittle office for a punishment, whenI was little. He used to spoilus like a lenient father. But that wasnt the case anymor e. I was a grownup now and so was he. I needed a good storyifI was goinganywhere near his office. And I knew I wasnt good at that. I knocked at a browntimber door witha goldenname plate saying S.P. Singh, headmas ter. I went there after schooland before coaching, givinghimno reasonto think I w as missinganyclass.Come in a strongvoice answered. Now I wished I wouldnt have come . I opened the door gentlyand took a quick look, makingsure what I have heard an d entered the roommoderatelymonitoringeachstep as the timber floor made noise as I walked. Headywas writingonsomethingthat appeared to be a register. He didnt lo ok up to see who it was. His calmbut strict and businesslike attire was makingme fidgety. Good evening sir I forced the words out ofmymouth. Good evening miss Mitt al he replied after a longpause figuringout it was me, ofcourse he wasnt expecting me. He wasnt writinganymore. How can I help you? he asked ina serious voice. Sir I am doing an article on Muscular Dystrophy for Grapevine, the school magazin e. It is one of those diseases which still doesnt have a cure I said abasely, I wa s gettinggood withlieingdaybyday. Wellthat was not a complete lie, Illhave to do anarticle now, unfortunatelyour principalhas a sharp memory. That sounds interest

ing. You should talk to Kirti Suri of Class 12. Her brother suffered the same di sease. She might be able to help you with understanding how family deals with th is kind of sickness Headyadded. Yes definitely Sir. Thanks for letting me know I answered nonchantly. So what can I do for you? he asked the same questionagainwhenI didnt sayanythingexcept for tha t. Sir I was working on it with Aadil Rathore of my class. He didnt hand me his part of writing before leaving. The submission deadline is tomorrow morning. I was w ondering if I could know when hell be back so that I complete it sooner Myvoice di sappeared onthe last words. I felt drops ofmoisture arisingonmyneck despite the fact that the roomwas air conditioned. His casual expression changed to a rigorous one. His eyes a bit angry. You better complete it by yourself he managed to sayruefullybefore movingback to his writin g.Thank you Sir I murmured before turningtowards the door. Miss Mittal I heard behind myback and turned to look at heady. He was gettingup fr omhis chair openinga drawer onhis huge timber workingdesk. Come here he commanded. I slowlyreached his table. He took out a bunchofsheets, whichwere thick enoughli ke certificates. Look at these he said throwingthose certificates infront ofme. NTSE Exam top, Maths Olympiad Top, Procom quiz, every debate, each and every clas s since Montessori I he has been standing firm at his position of number one Mis s Mittal He was mad at me, almost shouting. I trembled lookingonthose certificate s whichsaid Aadils name repeatedly. His father is one of the best surgeons in the w orld. Even if he doesnt make into any Indian medical school his dad will make sur e that he studies medicine in one of the top universities of united states of Am erica his voice highwithanger. Have you thought about yourself? If you dont do it, all these years of struggle will go in vain. You will end up nowhere. Do you eve r think about your parents? he stated calmingdown. Myeyes rolled downashamed. But I dont know why. I was seeingAdinot Aadiland I gue ss its onlyme who cansee Adi. I very well see whats happening he sighed. You are not very brilliant. But you are sincere. Dont get distracted. This time will never c ome back And I felt guiltyfor puttinghiminthis position. Sorrywas not enougha wor d. And I should be sorryto myselfthanto him. Youcan leave now he commanded ina low voice sittingdownonhis chair. I walked out without lookingup. Headys word echoed inmymind allthe time. He was right this time willnever come ba ck. He was right ifAdiwont benefit fromus, he wont be at loss either, I never ga ve a thought to how quick he was inunderstandinglessons. How he excelled instudi es. But wait. Thats Aadilhe is talkingabout. I was goingcrazy. I dont know what was ha ppening. And I definitelydidnt know what was the difference betweenAdiand Aadil. Nothingseemed to be inmycontrol. And the truthwas I didnt ask for anyofthis. He a gaindidnt turnup the next day. I submitted the thingI was supposed to do onMuscul ar dystrophy whichI finished late last night and kept myselfbusywithbooks. Headys confabulationmade it easyfor me to not look at Adis note everynow and then. Now I doubted that Adi willneed anykind ofhelp fromme regardingstudies. But stillI c ouldnt help and made anextra copyofwhatever was beingtaught. I redeemed mymind fr omwonderingwhere he was and whenhellbe back. I joined Niya and her friends for a swimthat evening, givingmyselfa chance to ke ep a promise for a change. As the coolsplashofwater touched myface under the eve ningsuna chillranthroughmyspine. Floatingonthe cold and stillwater ofmyschools sh allow poolwitheyes closed, made me forget everythingfor a while. Maybe afterlife

willbe identicalto this moment. An inexplicable pleasure. A peace. Nothingto th ink ofor to worryabout. I heard Niya and her friends beggingfor some more time i npoolwhile their teacher disagreed. I let themargue and climbed out ofthe pool, took a quick shower indesperationto cover mynaked legs and wrapped the towelaround mywaist after founderingthe attem pt of soakingmyself. I walked up the stairs to pick mybagbefore gettingdressed d istracted bythe extensive ruckus onthe pool. WhenI reached the finalstep I muddl ed as it was him sitting next to my bag. His eyes tinseled inthe blurred moment. They always do on sighting me. The straight line betweenhis lips turned into an exultingsmile. The breathtakingimmaculate face looked more admirable thanI remem bered. The giddiness was similar to the dayI first saw him. Myconditionwas monot onous to anaddict who was tryingto quit and out ofnowhere was inveigled witha pa cket ofcocaine. Inthat moment I had a blurred sight but a clear vision, I cant quit him, I just c ant stop liking him. Remember me? he asked inhis soft tenderlyvoice. The pressure o favoidingdisgrace always saved me fromfaintingand sprintingheadlong. Adi I confirm ed. Who else he asked quietly. While he waited I rushed to the change roomand got changed into a white shirt an d blue tunics and put a hair band onmywet hair, threw mycostume into the laundry bucket and flew downthe stairs takingtwo at a time. So he asked smilingtuckinga lock ofmyhair behind myear makingsure his skindoesnt t ouchmine. I doubt I would have felt it anyways; I was so numb right now. Still I shrugged. We need to talk I proclaimed himto come withme, without givinghima chan ce to ask questions or refuse. We walked to the meadow near the brooke. The blue floxand the rhythmic sound oft he water tempted me to think nothingexcept ofhis presence. He leaned against the tree I was sittingnext to. His lips pressed ina straight line. The gravelyfeatu res onhis pale face sent a physicaljault throughmybody. He was tense. I tried to ignore and focus. He raised his eye brow. Where were you? I asked these three days He sighed relaxinghis brow. A briefsilence followed. Samiya I have decided not to lie to you anymore. But there are things I cant share. Dont ask me where I was. Dont make me lie he flinched feelingguilty. I ried absorbinghis words. Just tell me is everything alright with you and your family. You left so unantici pated. I said bitingmylip. I was trulyworried for himand surprisinglyfor Dr Ratho re and Dr Ethalia and Olivia and Oliver, his adopted siblings allthe time. I dont know whenI developed emotions for people I have never met. Maybe the reasonwas the connectionwe shared, Adi. Everything is uniform. Nothing has worsened he answered lightly. The answer wasnt r ight. It didnt cloymyurge. I wanted to hear that everythingwas perfectlyfine. But I let it go. You are freaking intelligent. You won bludy thousands of competitio ns. You scored exceptionally well in each grade. Why didnt you tell me? I nearlygr owled at him. He looked at me more furious thanstunned. I dont know. You never ask ed. But I told you I have good memory. he answered, makinganeffort to controlhis anger. Yes Aditold me that. But who is Adiand who is Aadil. Who are you? Adi or A adil? He flinched. His expressionsoftened. I am what, you believe I am he said sile ntly. I was thoughtfulfor a second.Are you and Aadil the same person? I asked mute ly. His expressiontensed. I wish we were. he paused but there is no degree of perma nence between you and either one of us. Dont head the wrong way. He maintained his composure. Now I resented touchingthat topic. Cant I just stop questioningand l ive inthe moment. I missed you. Dont ever leave again without warning me I couldnt b elieve that I was sayingthis to him. He smiled hesitantlythoughhis painwasnt soot

hed. What happened with you and heady? he asked confused. You didnt show up for two days I became worried. I didnt know whom to ask except for heady. I explained. So y ou went to him and asked where I was? he asked surprised, his eyes wide open. Not straightaway of course. I said you and I were working on an article for grape vine and you didnt submit your part, so will you be back by the submission deadli ne. I explained. Not too bad. Sounds genuine he concluded smiling. I dont know if that was disdain N ot to him. He took out your certificates and started shouting I flinched onthe me mory.What did he say? he asked his voice curious. Stuff I sighed. Like you are intelligent besides your dad will make sure you go to best university in states and that I am complete opposite and I shouldnt distract myself. He said Ill end up nowhere in life I said reservedly.His reasons and the w ay he spoke to you wasnt right. But the intention behind it was just for your ben efit. Not even mine. I hope you understand it. He said ina deep voice. I wondered ifhis wisdomwas aninborntalent or somethingthat he acquired throughti me. I perceived more respect for himlisteningto his thoughts onthe matter.I wish I could explain heady that I cant do any better than I am already doing. That you dont distract me. I said meetinghis gaze.I dont? he asked ina low and quiet voice. Yes you do. But it doesnt depend on whether I am with you or not, it remains unru ffled. I remained unspokenwhile he analyzed myface to sample mythoughts. His eye s calmbut anexpressionofunsurityclenched his face. He was no more upset. His moo ds changed quickly. Are you a cancarian? I asked barelyaware ofwhat his questionwa s. Yes 3rdJuly. I share my bday with Tom Cruise. Though I wish I was born six days l ater to share it with Tom Hanks. I prefer the later he told me smugly. How do youk now? he demanded. I guessed. I said blinkingat himblithe bymyaccurate prediction. He raised his eye brow. I read too much about zodiac signs, astrology and stuff. You are feasible with all cancarian characteristics I clarified proudly. Tell me about it. About my characteristics he snapped. Well lets see. You have mood swings, you can become the coldest person drowning t he other to a bottomless depression and another time you can be very charming pa mpering someone to the top of the world, giving that someone all the attention. You adjusted here in no time, which means you are adaptable just like a cancaria n. There is tremendous love in your voice when you speak of your family that mea ns you are very attached to them. You avoid limelight, I know because you never answer any questions in the class though you very well know the answer. During c onversation your facial features change a number of times like a crab. You are e xceptionally well than others in regards to numerous things but still you dont se em pleased; you are not cheerful about the future that means you are prone to pe ssimism a weakness of a cancarian. Your own thoughts and secrets are strictly of f limit for everyone. You really have to like someone immensely to discuss your personal life. Sometimes I feel that you evaluate me if I am worthy of it. Wastage of things ti ck you off, especially food, there are no leftovers in your plate, ever. You are a typical cancarian Adi. I laughed wretchedlypleased withmyownknowledge. And yes there are things that I dont know about you. But they are few major trait s of cancarian, like they are loyal; in fact cancer males are the most loyal men on the face of Earth. They never give up on objects they cherish be it a gift f rom a lover or a worn jeans they love wearing. Too much is not enough for them.

They need more, more love and care of their lover. I pointed out gracefully. He stared perplexed at me. After a longmoment he sighed. Waow he gasped and thensu cked ina deep breath. You are good at it he finallysaid. Thanks I said flushingI like reading astrology books I said exaggeratingoverwhelmed bythe praise. Truth was I didnt have any love for astrology in particular, I readanything and everything. So have read one or two books on zodiacs. Whats you sign? he asked withanedge ofcuriosityto his tone.I am Pisces. The last sig n of the Zodiac born on 28 February 1990 I said givinginformationthat was not dem anded.Belated happy bday and I am an year older He retorted Now tell me about you? h e snapped impatiently. Pisces is emotional and sensitive just like you. Pisces is inflexible and finds h ard adjusting in new circumstances. They are not interested in material things, they are aware of moneys impermanence. Pisces feel truly happy and satisfied when they go against the flow, they like bringing change. They are easygoing and not bothered by restrictions. Very few things in the world compel them to lose thei r temper. They live in their own world. They think everyone is good and everythi ng is beautiful.. Thats all I know I said ina soft voice rubbingmyhands to warmthemsmilingat him.Thats you. You are a typical Pisces yourself he said quickly, no doubt inhis clear eyes .There is one basic Pisces trait I lack. So I doubt my entity as a Pisces. I said ruefully.Pisces have sharp memory I sounded anxious and resentfulat the same time.Y ou have one too. Trust me. he said dismissivelyYou just are using it on all the wr ong things. Okay tell me what you want to do with your life he asked enthusiastical ly. I sighed Right now. I want to be normal. Enough of twists and turns. I just w ant a normal life. He looked at me besieged. Thats exactly what I keep asking God f or. A normal life. He said bemused. I smiled.You do Mr. Cancarian. Heres a tip. Sto p scoring highest as first step to indulgence I said laughing, shiftingmyweight o nanother leg. Beneaththe transient humor I felt a strange impulse. I did not und erstand clearlywhythe word normal life sounded more convulsive whenhe used it in his context. How I wish there was a good competition he mumbled withhis eyes closed and hand on his marble like chest followed byanenigmatic smile. I didnt realize whenhe slippe d ona blazer duringthe conversation. It was dark alreadyand one rigorous look at his bodytook mybreathaway. I think Il lnever get over the shock how perfect he looks. Iflooks were the onlycriteria th enwe were a perfect mismatch. I flinched onthe directionofmythoughts. He misunde rstood. We should get going. Its getting dark and cold. he suggested calmly. I did nt want to go. I hope the disappointment was not too apparent onmyface. I dont thi nk that I fooled him. A smile was playingaround the edges ofhis lips as he gave me his hand to get up. I took his help barelytouchinghis palm. A jault ofpleasur e ranthroughme as his too soft skintouched mine. As I got up he carefullypulled me closer. His pale glorious face was just inches frommine. I froze. His breatht ouched myface, so warmand exotic. I wished I could staythere like that forever. Before I get a chance to clear mythoughts he took offhis blazer and wrapped it o ver me, I pulled myarms into the longsleeves withease. He made sure that it was buttoned before steppingback. Better now. Dont want you to fell sick. Cant take yo ur absence more than I already did he blinked admiringhis blazer onme. Breathe; I had to remind myselfwhile he leaded me throughthe bushes towards the Brooke. Sam iya he asked ina different tone, calmbut pleading. Yes? I turned to himtoo eagerly. Dont come to this place alone especially at this time he said staringpast me into the woods. Why? I stared at him. There is some wild life left out there besides you are a young girl he frowned. I shuddered slightlyat the bleakness inhis voice an d realityofhis words.

The sound ofthe trickle ofthe streamis rejuvenatingunder the shiningSunbut as th e sunsets the murmuringand rustlingofwater becomes roaring. Ifit wasnt for the di mlights on the muddypaththat randownthe slope alongthe Brooke and the moonthat s hined weaklyunder the cloudyskywe would have beenlost inthe moodyand dark wood w ithscare offallinginto the runningwater. But stillI loved the low lights and nights. Thats whyI dedicated a significant ti me ofsixteenyears ofmylife staringout ofthe dormwindow waitingto be out there un der the stary skyone day. It was last year whenthe whole schoolleft for winter break leavingthe board clas ses behind, that I first tasted freedomand discovered this little get away. Will I see you at dinner? I demanded. No I am not back in school yet. he smiled. Those w ords sent flutters throughmystomach. It scared me. I pulled his blazer offhesita ntly, he took it back unwillingly. I somewhat awkwardly, unscramblingmybrainwalk ed towards the dormitory. Samiya he called behind me. Yes? I turned impetuously. You wont remember me tomorrow he said. I smiled at himinblank confusionbefore turninga round. I almost stumbled few stairs distracted. I realized it was cold as myteethclench ed together and I shivered. Whydid he saythat you want remember me tomorrow. He has said that before. Last time he said that I fainted unable to remember anythi ng after that. 6. TRUTH I reached for mykeycard mechanicallyunlockingthe dormitorydoor and steppinginsid e, confused. The mixed fragrances ofladies perfumes and the foulsmells ofsome ho memade skincare remedies like henna and eggs were repugnant to the aura ofmy nig ht garden. Sara was watchingcricket matchonTV lyingat Ambers bed while Amber was givingherselfa manicure Whats the score? I asked Sara, who was exceptionallyunobser vant ofmyarrival. Thats what people keep askingeachother duringthe cricket season . Its kind ofa ritualI suppose. Cut the crap. You dont know a thing about cricket. S he said without anyhumor, glaringat me. She was right. So I ignored it. Where wer e you? She added. Her voice unusuallyarrogant, makingme uncomfortable. At coaching in physics lab I replied tentatively, shuddering. I was around the corner. I didnt see you there she asked mystified. I went for a swim after that with Niya I nervou slymurmured staringat TV, avoidingher glare. But your hair arent wet? she demanded. Why in Gods name this has to be the night for all noticing and interrogating. I touched my hair impulsively, prolonging the moment to think of a lie. I ended up studying on the pool stairs after the swim. It was warm out there. I said nonchan tlyflickingmyhair.I think they usually close the pool at five, thats an hour ago sh e said lookingat the clock, a bit surprised, I think the idea ofopeningthe poolt illlate was buggingher. I know that she trusts me. But couldnt she have asked tha t question along with the last one. I would have figured out something better. Yeah. Yeah they do. I went to the library after that to return the books. You kno w I kind of get stuck in there. I doubt ifIllremember the order ofthe events the n ext day I hardlyremember it now. Oh tell me about it! she murmured under her breat h, partiallyconvinced. It isnt a hard job foolingher after all.I posted the letter s today, to mums I said ticklishlyenunciatingeverysyllable, makingup a tinybit fo r the immense guilt I felt.Well done she said smilingbrieflybefore switchingher ey es back to TV. I rolled myeyes at Amber while she snickered. The feelingofguilt was overpowered byanger whenI realized that was allI was goingto get. You are wel come sweetie myvoice filled withheavysarcasmas I strolled downto mybunk. I remove d myshoes and stretched myarms before lyingdownonmyback. Do you mind if I? Amber a sked hoppingonmybed after few seconds, shapingher nails witha cute little nails filer. Yes sure I delightedlywelcomed her straighteningup. She was strugglinghard to give her ringfinger naila good shape. Here Ill do it for you I offered. I didnt e xcel on that but surely was better than her. Bless you She murmured handingit to m e. So where were you? she asked witha wicked glint inher eyes. I gulped. I just ex plained. What was that suppose to mean. I quicklyscanned the order ofevents I ju

st told Sara. I was in the library I said, but, ridiculouslymyvoice broke. You are not a good liar she laughed. What? I asked inconfusion. Amber was a sweet tinycreature just like her filer and veryadorable strictlymind ingher ownbusiness at alltimes. This has to be the day when my dead grandfather can come alive to grill me. I am seeing Raag these days she whispered inmyear if that explain things. I was sti llconfused. You two. Waow I said myeyes wide open, pretendingto be upbeat and curi ous at the same time when, how where tell me all about it. She hopped cheerfullyonmybouncingmattress, blushing, holdingmyhands yes, yes, can you believe it? I mean Raag. You know what? I was dying to tell you. I cant trus t anyone except you with this you know. I can get expelled she murmured leaningcl oser to myear. You can always count on me I said smolderingmyeyes at her. I carefullyslipped dow nthe filer and tugged mylegs close to chest warmingup for Ambers love story or Am bers fling; we might end up callingit that after few years. It started last year during board exams she said hypnotized just bythe thought ofi t. He helped me with maths and science, I mean it wasnt his job he was so kind and s oft spoken. He is that good guy one can only dream of You wont believe I made the fi rst move she sounded proud ofherself. You did? I asked inamusement. She nodded faintlybut a huge smile played onher sma llbow like lips. I asked him to write me on the day of last exam, before leaving for break. When I got home which is like five hours from here I went straight to my computer, the re was this small offline message saying,Imissyoualready she blushed remembering it. You know I cursed yahoo messenger. That stupid thing couldnt hold onto it. But anyways I replied missyoutoostraightaway and we two ended up chatting for two who le weeks. I dont remember doing anything else in that vacation. Trust me I have n ever ever been so desperate to come back to school she gasped. Waow. I am so happy for you. I murmured caressingher hand. Her storywas briefbut heartening. These t wo here were the people I have grownup with, whomI loved andcared for. I was ove rwhelmed withjoy. Thanks she said cheerfully. So do you two see yourself going further with this aft er school? I asked more out ofcuriositythancourtesy. I was alreadyimaginingtwo of themas bride and groom. Yeah of course. It depends where Raag gets medical seat and Ill move to that city. Ill be doing BCom and dont have any preferences for any specific colleges .And ye s hopefully will get married some day. She expatiated delightlycrossingher finger s. Amen I whispered. So how are you two hitting she asked me suddenly. I glanced over to see her studyingme withcurious eyes. Who two? I asked confused. You and Aadil she responded a little confused. What? Are you nuts? Me and Aadil are not even frien ds. I murmured under mybreath. The thingshe was gettingto was reallyhard for me t o explain. Oh please. Raag told me everything. And I told you everything about me. Dont you trust me enough she countered. Mychinraised a fractionand I stared at her inobvio us curiosity. What did Raag tell you? I asked repulsively.Aadil loves you since the first day at school she paused dramatically.Raag found it pretty amazing, you kno w how these guys see us, as if we are still kids but gradually Aadil talked him and Mandy into it. He adores your simplicity and

thinks you have the sweetest nature that puts others first. I believe that too, just for the record. she said laughing. He played guitar in the band just for your sake, trying to impress you and stuff. He spends time with Niya teaching her mu sic, I think to love something that you love. To get connected, if you know what I mean?And yes Moon acted rude to you about something relating to him, he talke d it through with her. I was there and I havent seen anyone in that bad mood in m y whole life. She took a deep breath. So concisely if he says he doesnt want to be more than friends he is bull shiting. Truth is he is dying for your attention and love. And my dear friend everyone a round knows except for that boneheaded blonde and you I guess she said glancingat Sara and thenme.See I have to go. Will catch you at dinner. Ask me anything you want to know. A lot have been kept from you apparently she left sayingthat earnes tly. I stared out into the dark night, not sure what myface was exposing. Myshutterin gheart beats made it impossible to relaxand think. It felt like a dreamthoughI w as aware insome corner ofmyconsciousness that it wasnt. I was too uncomfortable i nthat positionas I was havinggoose bumps and myfinger tips were hurtingbecause o fcold. But I lied onthe quilt lifeless unable to get underneathit. I subconsciou slydredged up allthe informationAmber gave me, goingthroughit word byword. The i mages started forminginmymind as I related themto practicality. I was surmisingit. He saw me at dinner that night, the night when he stared at m e awkwardly. It started then but he ignored me thereafter for a vey long time. W hy? And Raag and Mandy knew it since then. He was nice to Niya for me. He fought with Moon. But he was not Adi or was he Adi. Aadil loved me, somethingthat I se verelywanted. But now despite ofbringingjoythat was precariouslyworryingme. Fina llyI decided. I had to find out the truth, I couldnt put it offanylonger.He wont t ell me. And I doubt if his friends knew anything about it. Maybe I cango oninter net to find informationabout him. Maybe I could find somethinginhis past. I real ized it was time for dinner. I sat up and myhead spunfor a minute as blood flowe d downward. I got up cumbrouslyunlockingthe cupboard and pulled out a comfysweat . I touched his warmjumper sluggishlyand took a quick whiffbefore closingthe doo r. Sara its time for dinner I screeched to make myvoice reachthe other corner ofth e huge dorm, wearingmyshoes. She remained inert, and answered Hun distracted, so d amnbusywithsome stupid match. Here wear your shoes. And be quick else well be late I ordered throwingher shoes i nfront ofher. She was about to argue but thendecided to chickenout. I turned off the TV while she was strivingwithher shoes. I need your keycard tonight she said, not meetingmygaze. Her voice a unificationofa demand and pleading. Mykeyremained activated 24/7. I was allowed access to everythingallthe time as I was a senior science student and Saras keywas denied access to anyofthe schoolbu ildings after 8 inthe evening. I couldnt denygivingher mykeyevenifshe was up to some mischiefbut I stillthought ofit as mydutyto ask where the keywas about to be used, just incase. Whats the nob le deed? I asked subtly. Match Rumpus room she murmured. Why are you having a match in rumpus room I asked. Surelythat was a stupid thingto do. No, we are not she said irritated. We are watching match live on projector. She said ina voice that impli ed it should be obvious. We means? I couldnt help asking, and it came out ina pecul iar maternaltone. Mr. Mathur and Sid planned the whole thing. Its exclusively for few people. None o f the staff knows. You have nothing to worry about mummyji she said pushingme out ofthe dorm.

 Okay. You can take the key. But Ill need you to drop me and pick me up from libra ry I didnt want to put mythingoffbyanother day. Ill be real late. It may finish afte r midnight she announced lingeringbyme. Thats fine I murmured. I prettymuchneed severalhours ifI have to go thougheverysing e entrythat comes up onGoogle, myfavorite searchengine onfontingAadil Rathores na me. At dinner, Aadilwas not present. He was right; he was not inschoolyet. Duringmyt hought process, Sid slipped into the chair next to mine. He was cravingfor myattentionallthat while bycoughingor askingto pass somethingb ut allI could manage was a heartless smile for himbefore lookingback at Sara to reassemble mythoughts whichwere verytangled right now.Samiya. Sid said, ina tone t oo different fromhis normal, mischievous one. I turned around to look at himimpu lsively. His expressionmade me shrug. Not now I thought asrepelled to no never. I alreadyhad enoughfor one day. I want to ask you something. He said hesitantly. No t now Sid. I said stungat his choice ofplace to propose a girl. A schoolmess, witheachand everypersonofschoolpresent there. Later. I added makingmy wayout ofthe hall, I could hear a prattle goingaround withmine and Sids name. Thi s was one explicit thingabout the life inlive-in- schools, no one was allowed to have a secret. I felt sorry for Sid. But what he didnt knew was that he was luck y, that I was not the one for him. I realized I was tiered as I was takingdouble the time inallthe chores thanI usu allytake. The backlogoflack ofsleep and the food inmystomachpushed me into a sub conscious state ofmind where I was halfsleeping. Sara impatientlyfiddled withthe keywhile I made myselfa cup ofcoffee before goingto the library. Without the ke yI willbe stuck inthere for hours dyingfor some caffeine to keep me going. Ill be on the upper level I shouted behind her stickingmyarminmiddle ofthe library door. Alright she answered ina voice strongand clear before disappearinginto the d ark. I wasnt the onlyone inthere. But stillthe place was seriouslydrained ofmen. I cau tiouslymade mywayup the old woodenspiralstaircase balancinga cup ofcoffee inone and books inthe other hand. I rested mybooks next to the old computer. This was the same corner whichAdi chose for the last night out. I remember noticingthis a ncient computer then. I switched onthe computer after hittingthe right buttononCPU a while after tempe ringzillions ofthe wrongones. Usuallythe librarycomputers hit youinthe face when youturn themonand thenyouhit it back and youend up ina longfight before gettingt o anythingproductive. So I left the computer onits ownand moved to set the roomt emperature ona better level, to make the place warm. It took me a while to get i t right. For some reasontechnologyhas always repelled me. I logged inusingmystudent ID and beganclosingallthe little windows that pop up e verytime youturnonschools computers. I hit Google as soonas the internet explorer showed up. And thenI hit inthe few easilytraceable words oninternet Dr Tanmay R athores son. The first page showed up Dr Rathores personalWebPages and thenthe Wik ipedia. Wikipedia is always promisingwhenyouhave to start up withthe basic infor mationabout a thingor a person. I didnt have to wait longfor it to load. Internet worked smoothlyat this hour ofthe day. I clicked onfamily and the personal life inthe contents without botheringto look throughthings like his career, research es, education, earlylife etc. I quicklyread throughuntilit mentioned On July 3, 1989, Dr Aleko gave birth to a baby boy named Aadil at Bethesda North Hospital i n Ohio. Dr Rathore stated that the name derives from the Arabic word for just, so meone who wants to see that justice is done. He is the only biological child of D

r Rathore and Dr Aleko. The rest ofthe paragraphsaid about the adoptionofOlivia and Oliver, a native Afr icantwins. The Controversycolumnbeneaththis paragraphcaught myattention. I read it carefullyto find anythingrelated to Aadil. It seemed most ofthe controversies centered onthe researchfunded byDr Rathore. It seemed the researches that were carried out inDr Rathores establishment were deemed irrelevant and impossible bys ome ofthe critics. Thus it was countered as wastage ofmoney. I wondered what the controversy was about. It was his money; he could burn it if he wants. Some people are born with the sole purpose of criticizing others. Any ways I didnt find muchabout Adionthe site. I went back to the searchengine. First few pages showed up the links to the hospitals and other organizations that have used Dr Rathores services. There were few YouTube pages sayinginterview wit h famous NRIs. I was disoriented and impatient so I rushed back to Google again. This time I ty ped in Aadil Rathore. I felt motivated to see 63,500 results. But the joydidnt la st longwhenI realized that I had everyAadilexcept for the one I was lookingfor. Anamazingamount ofpeople lived out there withAadils name and allhad access to int ernet ina wayor another except for mine. But I kept lookingand finallycame throu ghanentrysaying14 Students injured in School bus accident in Rajasthan. Dr Tanma y Rathore and Son highlighted inblack, transcendingthe other information. Aadil had an accident, I could hardlymake myselfthink the words. Myheart thudded badlyand a chillthat had nothingto do withthe weather made me shiver as I click ed onthe link. It was a newspaper article The Times of India IANS, May 11, 2001, 10.14 am IST Jaipur: At least 14 students, 2 teachers and a bus driver were inj ured, six of them critically, when their bus skidded off a road and fell into a deep gorge 50 Kms from Jaipur, police said on Thursday. The accident took place Thursday morning when the bus carrying students of Mayo College, Ajmer fell into a deep gorge on its way back to Ajmer. The students wer e returning after winning a Junior Football Championship from Jaipur. Some of th e students injured came from well known families. The injured students included Rajat Kapoor s/o of LM Kapoor of Kapoor Cotton and Daal mills, Aadil Rathore s/o Dr Tanmay Rathore, Karan Singh s/o Lt Gen Amrinder Pal Singh, Harman Mittal s/o Dheer Mittal of Mobile-Oil-India and Prateek Deewan s/o journalist Priya Deewan . All injured have been admitted to two different government hospitals in the nearb y District. And would be later moved to the private hospitals. Of those injured, the condition of six is stated to be critical Deputy Superintendant of Police R. K. Varma told reporters. Those injured are in age-group of 10-12 years. He added. Mymind went blank. It wouldnt have takena minute to read it but those few seconds felt like a verylongtime. I had a sinkingfeelingas I pictured what would have h appened. Would he have beenthe one amongst the criticallyinjured? I saw myselfim agininghiminblood lyingunconscious insome inhumanlyand unimaginable circumstance s as a small tender kid. The onlyphysicalpainthat was impossiblyhard to bear was the one I had whenI falldownfrom20 feet height while rock climbing. But right n ow there was no precedent to the painmybodywas sufferingjust onthought ofthat mi seryas ifI was beingthrownfromthat height over and over again. I minimized that window and opened a new page inmyrushto find what happened afte r that. Mymind dismissed the thought that he was fine and alright now. I was liv inga terrible fear inthe past date of11 May2001. I went throughhundreds ofentrie s but found nothing. I kicked the CPU indisgust. Aggravated onnewspapers for not coveringwhat happened to those kids after that. ThroughmyirritationI felt overw

helmingpain. I was hurting. It was a strange dj vuishkind offeelingas ifI have see nthe accident happening, as ifI was one ofthem. Mybodyached terribly. I went to the librarycatalogand found onlyone propitious book related to accidents Afterma th of the road accidents. I memorized the aisle and it didnt took me longto hunt one. The book was a detailed versionofthe psychologicalinjuries and physicalinju ries caused inanaccident. Thoughtiered I couldnt impediment reading, lookingfor a nyinformation that could be helpful. I kept reading, halfsleepingonthe book, myb odydefeatingmycuriosity, the last thingI remember consumingbefore sleep was the post-traumatic stress disorder. I was ina place withmitigatingsilence. I felt mybodywas liberatingpain, whenI he ard a suddenthud. It repeated after a plausible second. It was rhythmofa beating heart. It was gettingcloser whenI wrenched upright ofthe desk. Mysuddenmovement caused the books to falloffthe table and theyclattered to the woodenfloor. It to ok me a minute to realize where I was. As I cleared myblurred eyes I almost fain ted inpanic, to see Adi onthe finalstep ofthe staircase. Did I wake you up? I am sorry he said droopingover to pick mybooks. I was inprett yawfulstate. One glimpse ofhis face was enoughto downgrade mysanityand the smell ofhis breathwas makingme drunk.What was he asking? Nah. You are alright. I was about to get up I spoke ina heavyvoice and cleared myt hroat thrice inthat briefconfabulation. Myspeechimpediment was embarrassingand o n top ofthat I caught himchuckling. What are you doing here? I asked, regainingmyv oice. You said you were not back in school. I came to check on you. You were acting weird at dinner. His voice was quite as usual- velvet and muted.I was just a bit tiered. I murmured ina low cold voice and thensuddenlyturned at himshocked You wer e not at dinner? I stated.You know I know things. he said gravely, as ifregrettingo fsayingtoo much. I looked at himinamazed irritation. You are Aadil. Arent you? He o gled at me for a fractionofsecond before turningto the computer. Thats me name. he whispered inamazement maximizingthe window onthe computer screen. I reached forw ard, without thinkingto stop his hand fromclickingthe mouse, but it was too late . A strange despair flashed inhis beryleyes. His lips pressed into a hard line, al lsigns ofvivacitygone as he read throughthe page whose dark headline 14 Students injured terrorized me. He graduallywent throughthe other windows, leaningthere dispossessed, pretending I wasnt there. He promptlyclosed allthe windows, before straighteningup. Maintain ingthe usualdistance betweenus. The sorrow betweenhis brows altered. I sat there figuringmy defense ignoringthe sound ofmyhastened breathing. He appeared to be angry, he was scaringme. Why are you digging my history. Which way are you headin g? he asked mused. You know which way I am going I swallowed And I guess that you ha ve known it for a while now. I murmured, fightingtears. I saw himreachtoward me h esitantlybut thenhe stopped and turned awayhis face towards the table. His right hand fiddled throughthe pages ofthe book. He closed it inmere few seconds. But continued peeringthe closed book, distracted. Thenafter a deadlysilence his eyes shifted back to mypale face. A clear resentment capturinghis intimidatingface. Myintuitionflickered; somethingbad was about to happen. Its over he amended witha pliable tone. It didnt sink at first. But as soonas I realized, myface became ple ading. Myheart accelerated at the sharp aching. Adi dont I begged ina brokenvoice. Its over. He repeated. You are right I have known it for a while now. And I am sor ry that I didnt stop you back then. But now I have to. He swallowed I dont exist for you anymore. Forget anything that happened or that I said. Play it like before, before I came into your world. You were right I am just your imagination. he sai d. I had so muchto argument for but I dont know where I lost it . How wellI knew tha

t I had a verybriefperiod left t over. The ache turned into a ad.All the best he whispered s back onme and walked downthe

withhimbut what I didnt knew was that it was almos suddennumbness like the times whenI was almost de inthe same quiet, peacefulvoice. And thenhe turned hi stairs.

He was gone. I sat there crying. I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concen trate, to find a wayout ofthis nightmare. I dropped myface inmypalms as his word s echoed its over. This for Christ sake, has to be myimagination. But I guess it wa snt. I didnt sleep the whole night and waited desperatelyfor the dawn. Myheart was tel lingme that Aadilis Adi, and now he was gone. Sara thought I was upset because o fsome tragic novelI read inthe libraryso she didnt give muchofa thought to mypuff yeyes and heavythroat. I was one ofthe first ones to gym; myeyes didnt move awayfromthe clock last night as I watched everysecond pass bybut standingthere waitingfor himto come was the longest wait I could remember I had gone throughinmywhole life. He didnt show up . I didnt wait for Sara, and left for the mess. I sat at myusualplace and looked up whenever a chair moved. It was no different thanthe morning. I witnessed each and everyperson enteringthe mess, myheart beated hard everytime anyone entered. The roomfilled withnoises. FinallywhenI was about to give up, he came in. The fo rmer painsuddenlyaroused as he passed bytotallyoblivious ofmypresence. His face was serious and his eyes a dark shade ofblue, crabbier, like he was tiered. I kn ew he couldnt sleep either. He was Adi. I stared at himfor a while to catchhis at tention, but failed, he was good at ignoringme, I knew that out ofexperience. I took the courage to walk around the table to where he sat. Aadil I called his name inperfect indifference. He turned around slightlyand look ed at me halfheartedly, his voice particularlyreciprocalofmine Yes? I want to talk to you his unnaturaltone intimidated me into a sore aggravation.About what? he aske d confused. I could hardlyspeak. I felt sick. But stillmanaged to sayIll be waitin g outside before comingback to myseat, ignoringour audiences, selfrespect was the last thingI was worried about today. I did what was proper and ate breakfast de spite no appetite. I left before anyone did. I saw himtrespassingwalkinginto the corridor withother class mates, without lookingat me. Aadil I shouted behind him. He came to anabrupt stop. Oh yes. I am sorry I forgot you were waiting He said in a firmindifferent voice, now I doubted ifhe knew what I was allabout. So you were saying he asked. I almost shivered and words didnt reachmylips as everyone around looked at us, allhis friends and allmyfriends. I told myselfyou have to do it n ow. Aadil I am sorry for yesterday. I started ina selfdelusion. But he interrupted . He took a step towards me and ordered ina low, hard cynicalvoice, Dont embarrass yourself. Go back to class. Now. No I wont. I dont care. I love you. Thats all I know. I didnt do that on purpose. But it has happened and I cant change it. And I know you love me too. I declared quit e differentlyand firmlythanI have imagined it happening. WhenI looked againAadilhasnt moved a bit fromhis place, he was stilltwo steps awa yfromme he looked at me amazed, frustrated.No I dont Aadilmurmured What are you talk ing about? You are lying Aadil I replied, denyingwhat he was saying. Amber told me e verything. His face was puzzled Who Amber? he asked. What did I tell you? Amber stepp ed infromsomewhere, clearlyworried and unaware ofwhat I was talkingabout. No I whispered. Dr Nivens words started swirlingaround inmybrain. You imagine thing s. You are Schizophrenic. No I amnot mad, I amnot sick. I was losingsight ofthin gs whenAadils voice reached me, wiped cleanofanyemotions.Have you ever seen yourse lf in mirror? Leave aside looks you are the dumbest person I have known. How cou ld you even think that someone like me will fall for you? Get out of here He said disgusted. He wasnt Adi... I took steps backward sobbing, grievingwhy I saved my

heart for this person who hated me, who was embarrassing me in front of the who le school. Someone stepped betweenus. Stop it Aadil. She is sick. Please stop it. I heard that familiar voice but mymind failed to interpret the meaningofthe word s. I lost myselfindespair and humiliation. If she is sick, why is she here? she c an cause harm to others. Aadilreplied inhis usualsoft voice whenhe wasnt showinghi s cruelside. I ranaway, faster thanever. To escape that unbearablycruelepisode o flife. I ranand ranuntilmybreaths broke. I locked myselfinto one ofthe toilets ingirls bathroomand lifelesslysat onthe floo r, crying. Myhead inmylap as I realized nothingever happened, everythingwas mere imagination. I was sufficientlyhappyto be someone ofappreciable character. Inthat peculiar mo rningI lost mybloom, I knew what happened this morningcould not be erased, also the few my insaneness could not be erased. And that it would be regret rather th anattachment that would have a lastingeffect onmysoul. I was stillcryingwhenSara slowlyknocked at the door, she didnt sayanythingexcept myname. There was the sam e affectionand care that I once was highlyfond ofinAdis voice. I was too ashamed to step out intheir world again. But Sara was waitingonthe other side and I knew she wont move untilI amwithher. I had to honor her feelings; it wasnt her fault t hat mine were brutallyraped this morning.

She hugged me whenI opened the door. She didnt ask anythingand neither did she ad vice. She picked mybagwhile I washed myface. The awkwardness was anticipated but what I wasnt readywas for the painI saw onher face. Dont be selfish I told myselfRes olve yourself and do whats proper. I took mybagfromher shoulder and faked a smiled . Lets go I murmured. Will you be alright? she asked delicately. Yeah I snapped. But dnt saya word more, I knew I willstart sobbingagain. I didnt have the smallest kno wledge ofhow to react after mass humiliation. How I wished that Sara was inmyclass whenI had to enter alone inthe roomfullofpe ople who surelyeyed me indisgust and veryfew inpity. The part ofme that urged to see himresidingsomewhere there was dead. For the first time I wasnt lookingfor h imat all. Mr. Pandeywas inmiddle ofthe class and raised a brow as I entered. I t ook anempty seat inthe corner row. I didnt look up at all, almost the whole day. I kept scribblinglectures inthe notebook or practiced questions whennot beingtau ght. Everyone was kind enoughto not disturb. Theyknew I felt humiliated and they were givingme time onmyownto settle down. Sara was deliberatelymakingsure to not leave me alone inbreak or at lunch. Despi te the continuous painthere was a glint ofhappiness as the daywas comingto anend . I missed mycoachingclass because it was too soonto feelcomfortable inhis, Raags and Mandys presence. At dinner Raagwas passingme a register. What? I asked insurpr ise, myheart ached unwillinglyas I saw Aadil fromthe corner ofmyeye sittingtwo s eats awayfromRaag. His brows rose to glance at Raagbefore shiftingback to the di nner table. Coaching he murmured. I took the register, thankinghim. The daythat crawled slowlyand like a dream, left me withsore feelingofthe realit yinto the dark night. I covered myface withpillow and mourned. I was angrythough I didnt have anyone to blame except for myself. I got up inthe middle ofthe night and aggressivelypushed his jumper under the pile ofclothes onthe bottomshelf. I took out anythingthat belonged to him; his notes, his books and pushed into myb ag. I cried and cried but the grievingdidnt end, the paindidnt weaken. But everyth ingconsidered it was wise and also mydutyto live like nothinghas happened. He wa nted me to act like he doesnt exist; wellhellget what he wished. It was a week past that morning. Life was somewhat back ontrack. I regularlywent to gym, attended the schooland coachingclasses punctuallyand withallmydedicatio

n. The imaginationceased. Everyone started actingnormallytowards me. No matter h ow bigthe news is stillit fades awaydownthe time lane. But what doesnt fade awayi s the pain. I was dependingontime to healme, but apparentlyit wasnt aneffective a id. It was normalfor me to wake up to a wet pillow and a heart fullofsorrow. His face haunted myonce pleasant dreams. His voice stillchased awayallthe sanityinm e. ThoughI successfullypretended livinga normallife, somewhat similar to the one be fore his arrival. I put up a hard mask everymorningand ignored himcompletelyamid st the regular and frequent confrontations. For first few days I hoped that mayb e he willat least realize that how rudelyhe behaved and willcome and apologize. I feelsorryfor myselffor stillwatchingthe world throughrose colored glasses. Mygympunishment was over. I utilized that time to go to chapeland sit there for anhour everyday. It wasnt a suddendevotioninGod but anescape. I begged himto help me move on. He used to hear me evenfor the tiniest ofwishes but I dont know whyh e wasnt listeningwhenI needed himthe most. IfI was stillleft withanytime after th at I spent it withgrade 1 kids, the tiniest creatures inPinegrove, it was easyto let lose and cryaround themas theywere not veryhappyeither. It was mid ofMay. Days started warmingup. Mr. Pandeycame inwitha bunchofgrapevin es, our quarterlyschoolmagazines and requested to save themfor after school. I q uickly flickered the pages lookingfor mysubmission, whichcentered onKirtis brothe r. I couldnt find it. It wasnt selected maybe. I was countingonthat. As Chemistrypassed and Mrs. Anjalicame she quicklysettled us downand opened her copyofgrapevine. I have a very interesting poem for you she announced enthusiastic ally. Everyone sighed but she continued I want you all to listen it carefully and understand the feelings behind the words. There was pindrop silence whenshe bega n. A mother to her sick son Your silent howl, stalks me all the time Whenever I think of future, I go blind. I pray everyday, but there is no light. One day less is the thought every morning, that makes me whine. I am with you laughing, but the fear never leaves I keep trying to save you, but the thing worsens. Sometimes I am so tiered of being there Watching you go desp ite the love and care. To take care of you is all I know to do by myself I keep watching you, your face is one heaven amidst this hell. And there are times when I have to see the same face gravely unwell The distress that torments me is hard to tell. And the times when you strangely look at me Goodbye is the word that I see Well if you have to leave, then you must leave But just so you know, your mother wouldnt cry and grieve But once again like a childish game, shell follow your lead. Mrs. Anjalipaused and let the words sink inas ifshe was readingthemfor the first time. I trust myfather was drasticallywrongwhenhe said that I dont allow sorrow and happiness to reachmyheart. Or else what is the explanationfor the overwhelmi ngsorrow and the water inmyeyes onhearingmyownwords. The silence seemed incessant untilMrs. Anjalispoke inapprobationthis mother has o pened her heart to her dying son. Look at the beauty of words that describe her helplessness. This poem is a mere pain penned down on a piece of paper. I wouldnt have expected all of you to understand this mothers heart, at your age if this w asnt from someone not only of your age but of your class. She paused and looked to wards me, her eyes filled withanadmirationthat I have seenonlywhenshe reads Jane Austen, her favorite author. A good clap for Ms Samiya Mittal.

And the roomechoed withsound ofclaps. I murmured Thanks under mybreathand bowed do wnmyhead lookingat the book onthe table, a bit shy. That was totally unnecessary . I know myclass mates were proud ofmyarticle selected for the magazine not beca use the poemmeant anythingto them. And I didnt expect themto, theywerent unemotion al, theywere kids and probablyI was too mature for that age. But there was someo ne else who I think was mature enoughto not be ina highschool, Aadil. It was impossible not to look at himas he glared at me for the hundredthtime bef ore break. I was wellsatisfied that a personinsensitive as himselfwas impressed bya sensitive poemthat lead to awakeningofa suddeninterest inanunsightlythinglik e me or maybe it was the pityhe was feelingfor a sick girl. I have to pullback m yselfand battle to turn awayto board as he continued staringme. It was gross tha t how beautifula face canbe ofa personwho is so devil. And it was pitythat I was still in love with that devil. I battled that thought, it wasnt his fault ifI was sick, I dont know whyI was not readyto forgive him. Th at night after dinner we went througheachcupboard inthe dormto find somethingdes cent for Sara to wear for the event, the after results party. Board results were comingout dayafter tomorrow and the passed out batchofclass 12 was comingback t o pick up the results later that week. It was a second farewellkind ofthing. Sara didnt want to playwithAdi after what happened. I had to put up a good fight before she agreed to continue practicing. Its quite a sight. Rasna told me about th e practice. Sara always has those killer elite like she is wondering how to kill Adi. May be by beating him with her drum sticksor pushing them down his throat sh e snapped and paused But still he is putting in his best to keep up with her.As if that somehow made him a better human. So I was almost as worried for Sara to lo ok presentable as I was worried for the board results. I know thats strange. We finallysettled for one ofMoons nicelyfit top and Saras faded jeans. I shined he r converse sneakers witha wet clothand put themagainst the rimofthe cupboard to dry. It was quite late whenMoonthrew hesitantlysmilingladies can I try my dress a gain? Oh please no everyone shouted inunity. Theyseemed tiered ofMoons dress rehearsals for almost three nights ina row now. She turned blue. Try it for me. Lets go to th e change room. I said politely. Serious? she babbled regainingher pink. Hun I nodded inperfect happiness. I zipped her white ballet frock whichtugged her slender bodyina complete grace. You look like a doll. Here let me do your hair I murmured standingbesides her inf ront ofa bodylengthmirror onthe cold bathroomfloor. She stepped infront ofme wil lingly. Her black silkyhair looked nice inbraids but somethingcontemporarylike a nup do would go withthe dress. As I was concentratingongettingit right, Moonspok e inutter mercy Samiya I am sorry about that day. Myheart thudded for once before gainingthe normalpace. I kept myeyes onmyfingers runningthroughher hair as she c ontinued I saw something in his eyes for you that day. Something stronger than lo ve. I dont believe you are sickshe murmured. Onlymentioninghimbrought back the ache inmyheart. It was hard escapingit for lon ganyways. It usuallystarts whenI rest myhead onthe pillow, it was almost time. I think we can accessories your prom hairstyle with Deeps vintage hair combs. What do you think of it? I said ignoringher little statement, tuggingher last strand o fhair in place. She got distracted. Wow. We sure can. Oh my god this looks awesom e. You are doing my hair on that day. In fact I make you in charge of everyones h air right now she snapped honoring me witha promotion.Thanks mademoiselle I bowed l aughing.

As the clock stuck 2 inthe night or inthe morningI stilllayawake onmybed. Moons w ords repeated themselves. You are wrong Moon. I am sick. I whispered to myselfunde r mybreath. His dreams haunted myfew hours sleep as I wasnt miserable enough. Its strange that how youknow its over but stillthat episode repeats itselfeverynight ina dreamand yougo throughthe miserylike its for the first time. The next daywas fullofdrama and tension. Other thanprestige issues results did matter to some extent, it cou ld lead to reshufflingofclasses iffew scored exceptionallylow. That would be the worst case scenario. It wasnt botheringme muchas it used to inthe past. I knew I would score enoughto stayinscience section. Humiliationwas allI was worried abo ut but thanks to someone, I have had worst. A sectionofmainnotice board was alreadycleared for the future lists. Thoughheadm aster addressed eachsectionofclass 11 withanextremelyhilarious speechofhow not t o turn suicidalincase ofscoringless thanexpectation, he himselfappeared muchmore terrible thananyone else. A schools board performance surelyreflected its academ ic culture and affected the schoolranking. Lists will be up tomorrow morning at 6 Mr. Pandeyannounced as soonas headyleft. Th at afternoonI was surprised to receive two letters inmail. One belonged to mumbu t the other one was more colorfuland gordyand apparentlylooked prettywornout as if effected bya longjourney. I curiouslyopened to find a lovelygreetingsaying Tha nk You. I skipped to the from part straightaway. It said Luv Aunty, Saras mommy. It brought a smile to mylips. She knew the letter was fromme. Keep Writing was highli ghted withnice pink glitters. Mamas letter was same as always, except for Good lu ck forresults baby, we are not coming for the visiting weekend and what are your plans for summer vacations. Summer vacation, was yet another issue. ProbablyI w asnt goinghome, and neither anyother student ofscience class 11 and 12. Coachinga nd all. It would be depressing without Sara and Niya and Amber, actuallyeveryone inshort. Anyways that tensioncanbe kept offfor a while. I slept like anyother n ights, not better not worse. But woke up to anundulationoftensionwithalmost ever yone awake inthe dorm. It was 5.30 inthe morning. Girls were going downto be the re, infront ofthe notice board whenthe results are put up. I tried to wake up Sa ra, failingofcourse and rumbled downstairs without redoingmybraid or freshening up. Boys were alreadythere, clutteringaround the coffee machine. He was there too in a red jumper and black track pants leaningagainst the door, a shiver randownmysp ine as he caught me glaring. I turned around instantly. He wont be onour schoolli st. Maybe theywillhave to check his results separatelyoninternet. It was tenpast sixwhenMs Dhawanfinallycame out ofthe staffroomwithfew papers inher hand, follo wed byheady. Wheres my boy? Wheres Raag? headymumbled intotaljoy. He hugged himas so onas soonas Raagappeared out ofnowhere. 94% marks. Raag is the topper he announced we have a 100 percent result boys and girls. Three cheers for school He shouted ine xcitement Hip Hip. Hurray everyone jumped inexcitement crowdingaround Ms Dhawanas sh e put up the list. Come in everyone after seeing the results Headyordered walkingb ack to his office. I let everyone see their results and waited for the crowd to disperse. Everyone seemed more thancontent. I was the last one to walk downto th e notice board. It took me a minute to interpret the format and thenI easilyfound myname followed bymymarks ineachsu bject and thenthe calculated percentage 87%. That was better thanI expected. Mye yes rushed throughthe list again, I knew Adis name wont be there but I stillwas lo okingfor it. After a failingattempt I went to Saras, her marks were not bad eithe r. Her calculated score was 76%. I was goingthrougheveryones marks whenthe warmfragrance whichI lived infor a whil e confronted me. It was more exotic thanI remembered it to be. It was the sweete st poison, I knew of. He was standingbesides me, just a few inches away. His cal

mbreathplayed a strange melancholyto the beats ofmyheart. Congrats he whispered ag uishly, too close to bear and as ifthat wasnt meant to be heard. Breathe I had to t ellmyself. You are imagining Samiya I added. I stood there like a statue for a briefsecond before mymind started workingagain and I slowlysneaked out to headmasters office without lookingat who was standingb esides me, too scared. So how about Renuka jheel? Headyasked as everyone stood around his table. A trip or a picnic was his gift to us. Make it overnight Sir someone bargained fromthe cl utter. Yes Sir Camping sounds good someone else suggested. Okay. Deal Seal Headyannounced smiling. Everyone cheered for headyand thanked befo re movingout. Adi was nowhere to be seen. He didnt see his results, whichmade me anxious for some reasonI dont know.

I was wearingsocks sittingonbed after a quick shower followed bya gymclass, when someone shouted Turn on the TV. Why? another voice asked. I dont know. Boys are shou ing from their dorm. the previous personanswered. Someone turned onthe TV. The morningnews was playing. Theywere givingdetailed ve rsionofresults; board wise, state wise and gender wise. I moved back onputtingmy shoes after losingthe thrill. I repeat again that 90.18 per cent girls have become eligible for qualifying cer tificates while 88.30 percent boys have cleared the test. As per region wise per formance, Chennai is followed by Ajmer with 93.51per cent students becoming elig ible for qualifying certificates. Also an Ajmer lad Aadil Rathore has topped the CBSE Class 10 examination with 98% marks breaking all previous records. Reports have just come in that Aadil Rathore is son of the famous Cardiovascular Surgeo n Dr Tanmay Rathore. The news reader kept talkingbut I was lost, a suddenthrillra nthroughme again, a smile came to mylips before quicklyevaporatingas I noticed e veryone was looking at me. I dont know whytheyhave to do that whenever his name c omes up inanything. I was happy for him despite everything. He was at his usualplace whenI walked into the mess. He looked at me impulsively as I entered, thoughI wanted to look back and give a smile, I rather not do that , ifI have any pride left. He seemed busywithfrequent wishers sittingthere prete ndingto be obliged thoughhe was exceptionallyuncomfortable inthat lime light, I could feel that. Myeyes wide opened inamazement and I wanted to throw myselffrom top ofthe buildingwhenI saw Niya excitedlythrew her arms around Aadil, congratul atinghim. He hugged her back in contentment, this time not pretending. How could she? That wasnt fair after what he did to me. Ill talk to her, shell have to pick a side, either his or mine. I thought for a minute before changingmymin d. Well I better not do that, she is a kid. I shouldnt involve her in my misery. Let it be. Headyalso came and hugged Aadilbefore movingto his table. Aadil wasnt happy. He looked at me withanuncomfortable pleadingglare quite often. I wanted t o hughimbadly and to smooththe worrylines offhis forehead. But I had no right ov er him, I reminded myself. The days that followed after the results gave me a new perspective to look at my self. I can do sufficiently well, if I work hard. Maybe I can make it to MBBS wi thout dads help. That thought trulyinspired me. I almost planned everythingthat h ow Illstaywithmumand dad at home, happily, contentlyand merrilyifI get admissioni nDelhi. I saw myself sittingat diner table withmama and papa, helpingmuminkitche n, goingcyclingwithdad, playingcards withthemand makingmid night snacks, to live allthose little moments that I have missed and the things that meant so muchto

me. I cango to Saras inCanada to spend vacations. Allthose fantasies were anattempt to fillincolors to dreams whichwere black and white without Adi beinginpicture. I loved him but he lovingme back was never par t ofthe deal. So whycryover somethingthat was not evenmine inthe first place. Mo ve on I told myselffor the last time. WhenI came out ofChapelonone ofthose pleas antlywarmevenings Raagwas waitingfor me to talk. Samiya I want to talk about something he said ina deep and worried voice. Whats it Raag? his pale face flickered tensioninmyhead. Its about Aadil? he murmured. I strai ghtened mybrows. Whats wrong with him? I asked almost ina whisper. He is not well. H e has been acting strangely. I have a strong feeling that its something about you . He said. I truly appreciate your concern for him Raag. But I guess you have got it wrong. I have nothing to do with him. I said calmlywalkingaway. He was indisma y. I dont know ifI have spokento realRaagor was it just myimagination. But one th ingI knew I didnt have anythingto do withAadilRathore. 6. THEREALHIMNext daywas Sunday. The ExClass twelfthwas comingto pick up their c ertificates today. It was finallythe dayeveryone was waitingfor. While the parti cipants practiced, some of us helped the teachers set up for the party. Myshould ers started achingputtingup those radiumstars onthe walls ofthe auditoriumbut my patience didnt washoff. I set everythingI needed and could possiblyneed for hair and make ups for the band inthe dressingroom. I was least interested indoingit a nd was regrettingacceptingthat offer. But it wasnt right to back offonthe last mi nute. Finallythe eveningset in. I had a quick peek ofthe auditoriumand mystars d o lit up gloriouslyinthe dimlight. Onone side the tables were set for the buffet and the stage looked marvelous. Onthe plasma screenthe pictures ofthe exclass 1 2 played. Sid and his mates were alreadyintheir set ofcivils, wellpolished. I kn ew I wouldnt have time to get changed into civils so I just washed myface and tid ied up myschoolskirt and blouse. I did mybraids againto look as presentable as p ossible. Onsmalltable near the stage were the certificates and smallboxes withbr ooches. The gold, silver and bronze brooches were awarded to students accordingt o their percentages. This was seniors onlyevent so the auditoriumseemed bigenoug hto accumulate that biga gathering. The teachers were dressed nicelyand most oft hemtraditionallywiththeir name tags on. Kunalstruggled withhis tinyassistant to get his camera and video camera right. Get ready. Its time guys Ms Renushouted fro mbehind the curtains. Rasna, Moonand Jia were alreadythere. While theywent to ch ange, I helped Kavya fixher sari; she was hostingalongwithIqbal. She did her own makeup. AllI had to do was put a clip onher halftied hair. She looked pretty. That wasnt onmyjob descriptionbut I helped Iqbalwithhis hair, whichwere previousl yspiky, cornyand too funnyto be onthe head ofananchor. There was enoughspace to breathe inthe time lapse betweenKavya and Iqballeft and Moonand crew entered. I got to work and saw fruitfulbenefits after what seemed like few hours. Everyone did their ownmake ups, I just had to do the hair and other randomstuff. Sara was readytoo. She suddenlylooked allgrownup. I took a minute to admire her. Suddenlythere was a deadlysilence whenAadil entered followingSandeep. Halfofthe girls almost fainted. I love to pieces what he was wearing. The white shirt tugg inghis chest and biceps, sleeves folded, black waist coat and the gorgeous jeans were somehow bringingout the blue inhis eyes. Hair looked undone but seriouslyh e turned out great just like that. A dark Burberryskinnytie was hangingfromhis coat pocket. Being this hot wo uld be a tiring jobI thought to myself. After the briefmoment ofunconsciousness a nd appreciationeveryone went to what theywere doing. Wheneveryone went backstage I started tidingup the dressingroom, takingmytime packingup the stuff, the wayi t was supposed to be. No one needed me onthe other side ofthis door. I kneeled d ownbythe chair to collect the clattered safetypins, whichcontinued for few minut es whenI heard

some other personclosingthe door behind. I hoped, onturningmyhead to see one oft he girls but it proved to be one muchless calculated for makingmatters easy Aadi l was standinginfront ofthe mirror. I quicklystraightened up and moved to the side, le avinghimplentyofspace. I hooked one safetypininto another thus keepingmyselfbusy . He glanced at me before movinghis blue eyes, whichcould make skylook pale, tow ards the mirror. He smelled delicious. That was a new fragrance. It took me quite sometime to make a chainout ofallthose safetypins. I dont know w hyit was takinghimso long, as he was stillat the same spot. What is he doing I t hought to myself. I glanced up inthe mirror slightly. His eyes were onhis silk t ie that was slippingthroughhis palms, he was tryingveryhard to hold onto it, but it dropped onthe floor anyways. He bent to pick it up, but thoughhis hands were onthe tie, he wasnt pickingit up. He looked tense. His hands trembled but he was nt gettinga grip ofit. It didnt sink. I took a step and turned around to kneeldowninfront ofhim. His prettyeyes meet m ine for a moment. I didnt know what I was doingor what was happeningto him. I was nt breathing, that I know. I gentlytouched the palmofhis hands to see not the sli ghtest ofmoment. ThenI pressed it harder, stillthe same. He was unable to feelmytouch. His hands were numb. That feelingor sensationofnumbness is called Parathesia. I have read about it. I t could be transient or chronic. Usuallyits a temporaryeffect and occurs as a sym ptomto a disease. Its not a disease initself. I glared back at him. He was worrie d but he wasnt surprised, so this wasnt new for him. I picked up his tie and straightened it. He was just inches awayfromme and talle r thanI thought he was. He bowed and I tied the knot and fixed his collar. I was speechless for thousands ofreasons, the two most important; he was not welland he was lookingextremelygorgeous. The circumstances were not doinggood to mydisor dered feelings. Mylittle fever ofadmirationended me up here, dyingoftensionfor h im. I calmlypulled himinto the chair and brushed myhands throughhis hair. Applie d some ofIqbals hair gelto get them inshape. I was touchinghimand I wasnt panickin gbut that wasnt the moment ofjoyeither. He wasnt welland he had a show to put up. Can you feel it now I asked tracingone ofthe lines inhis palmwithmyfinger tip. He bit his lip inpure disgust and sighed. I didnt know the treatment for Parathesia but sub consciouslyI took his hand betweenmine and rubbed it. I wanted to tryan ythingthat could possiblywork thansittingthere doingnothing. I rubbed it for qui te some time and then suddenlyhis hand tightened onmine. I am fine now he claimed hesitantly. I sighed inreliefbefore leavinghis hand slowl ystilldoubtingits proper functioning. Its okay he whispered againinhis velvet voic e to calmme downbefore walkingout inthe auditorium. Aadilwas sick. For the veryfirst time it occurred to me that maybe it was Aadilw ho was mad, not me. Before sneakingout ofthe auditoriumI stole the dorms keyfromS ids pocket rushed to the boys dorm. Tenyears and I have never beeninside this place. The primaryset up oftheir dormw as same as ours, just that theirs was pulled together to provide consistencyand functionality while ours focused ondcor and colors. Not a single bed was made. Th e conditionofshoes told that it would be a challenge to find ones pair everymorni ng. The memoryboard served the purpose ofa clothline as it was covered withsocks and handkerchiefs. I was like a personfroma developed nationdiscoveringthe slum s ofthird world nationfor the first time inlife.

I didnt know whichone was Aadils bed. I was roamingcontemplatingeachbed whenmyeyes stopped at the soft feather quilt draped ina dark blue cover, just like his eye s half tuggingthe pale bed sheet and a fluffypillow. The red jumper and the blac k tracks that he wore the other daylayfolded onthe foot ofthe quilt next to the brushed steeledge ofthe bunk. Next to pillow rested a book. Analarmclock and anI pod sat purposelyontop ofit. Aditold me he hears RonanKeatinginnight. I despite checkingthe ipod grabbed the book, a picture dropped fromit and fellonthe groun d. It was mypicture, the snap fromNiyas cupboard. I stood there wonderingfor a wh ile. ThenI found myselfa compass and pushed into the keyhole ofa cupboard withDavid B eckhams poster onit next to his bed, his cupboard apparently. I didnt like doingit but unfortunatelythere seemed no other wayaround it. After few minutes offiddli ng, I heard a crackingnoise. The lock broke and so did the compass but the door opened. It was a mirror image ofmywardrobe, more books, less clothes wellorganiz ed. I started lookingonthe bottomshelves. One ofthe book shelves was divided wit ha shelforganizer to forma separate corner. A paper withmine and his names and hearts drawnallover it, withflames and love p ercentages laid ontop ofthe lecture notes whichI wrote for Adi. I did that, it w as myhand writing, onthe last page ofthe notebook. He saved it. It had a smallco llectionofminiatures a used pen, a hair pin, a tissue withpink lop gloss onit, a bookmark, mypoemfrom grapevine and a blazer folded and wrapped ina transparent plastic paper, the one I wore once. He was holdingonto myused tissue for Christ sake and thenhe called me sick. I put back the things as theywere, inurgencyand got a plastic chair to check top shelves. The first thingI found was a plastic bagfullofmedication, myeyes wide opened in horror. The bagofmygrandfathers medicines that was anasthmatic, diabetic and had heart at tack twice was smaller to the thinginfront ofme. I hesitantlyrushed throughthe p acket; theywere not the commonfever or flumedicines. I cant recognize evena singl e thing. I was numb ina state ofParathesia myself. I cant sayifI was worried or p raying, because I have no idea. Samiya a suddenvoice scared me. I didnt have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhereknow and respond to, whether I was awake or asleepor evendead, Id bet. The voice Id walk fire for- or, less slosheverydaythroughthe cold and endless rainfor. The v oice whichhad anexceptionallymysterious talent ofkeepinglife alteringtruths from me I scared turned around to look at himstandingfew inches awayfromme, I was edging back findinga wayout. Dont leave Samiya. Please he begged. He stood infront ofme, c astingno reflection, excruciatinglylovelyand just seventeen. I couldnt leave. What are these medicines for? Are you mad? His face was pale. No I am not and neit her are you he said ina whisper. Then who was Adi. It was you, wasnt it? Why were y ou trying to prove me mad? I asked failingto forma coherent questionfromallthat I needed to know. Yes I am Adi he sighed. I have never wanted to prove you mad, that was never my intention. Then what was your intention? What are these medicines fo r? I groaned. These are antiretroviral drugs. You are not sick. I am. I am HIV Pos itive The words numbed mysoul. I wasnt expectingthat answer I fall in love with you muc h before you even noticed me. But I was sick; I knew we couldnt be together. I tr ied to stay away from you but I couldnt help. You pulled me towards you like grav ity. I wanted to spend time with you. I know how to hypnotize people, whenever we got together I left a spell on you or hypnotized you, so that you wont remember

seeing me. It worked with everyone. But you remembered things. Your memory was s harp than anyone I have ever met. Things got messed up. I didnt want to get into your life, trust me it just happened. as he spoke a sheafofdizzyingimages flutter ed throughmymind. The bits ofthe puzzle started fallinginplaces. Thats the reasonhe kept me away. Thats whyhe called himselfa virus whichI thoughwas just ananalogy. He was too youngto be a victimofa deadlyvirus, HIV Virus. I couldnt bringmyselfto saythose words eveninmyheart. I tugged myarms around mychest as mynumb bodysudd enlyfelt a shiver. The painreached the heart and the tears started escaping. He collapsed, kneelingdowninfront ofme Forgive me. Please he begged. A tear dropped f romhis beautifuleyes. Theygleamed dimlywiththe moisture and reflectingmoons light . Id never seenanythingmore beautiful- evenas I cried and mourned, I could apprec iate that. And once againit did not matter ifhe wanted me or not. I would never ever want anythingbut him, no matter how longI lived. I hesitantlytouched his fa ce, brushingsoftlyagainst his flawless skin. Mylungs filled deep withthe sweet s cent that came offhis skin. I could feelmyheart racinginmychest, the blood pulsi nghot and fast throughmyveins. I wrapped myarms around himand embraced himclose to mychest. I just suffered the biggest shock ofmylife but stillinthat instant, I felt well. I could hear his heart poundingcalmlyagainst mine. It felt like I h ave longed for that moment whole my life. Why didnt you tell me? I asked sobbing. He sighed and let me lose. I didnt let go o ffhimcompletely. What would I have said? We cant be together because I have human immunodeficiency virus. The thought bothered me, what if you dont want me once you know that I am not perfect. Now despite you were not talking to me, I knew you loved me; I wan ted that to be enough for me. And I didnt know any way by which we can exist toge ther. That situation still remains unchanged just that I want to be with you, I cant help it. Please forgive me for not doing whats right for you because this feeli ng has taken control of me and I dont know how to be fine without you anymore. He said ina deep pleadingvoice. You cant leave me Adi not for yourself but for me. Not now, not ever. I lost mysel f when you left me Myvoice broke as I confessed hesitantly. I know. I am sorry. An d I am sorry for shouting at you that were the longest two minutes of my life. I cant tell you how hard it was for me to say that to you. And I couldnt come to te rms that you believed what I said. Your lament face left a scar on my heart, tha t memory discolored any other memory of you. He said indisgust. And you never loo ked at me again, as if I wasnt there. You dont know whats it like getting up every morning feeling hopeless. Hoping that you find happiness even if thats not with m e. I dont know if youll believe me but the fact is that I was resolved to tell you the whole truth any time now. I tried but I cant live without you. You have no idea how it hurts when you dont look back or return my feelings. I wanted to protect y ou from my misery but I guess you were already a part of it, regardless of if we were together or not As he spoke I felt recovered, the love and desperationineachword assured me that this someone was further thanthe levelofaptness. He left me, to protect me. But there was no need to protect me from himself. I was a part of him. I was him. I nthat debate oflove and feelings, the word silentlyached like a pulse ofblood be hind a bruise. How did that happen was the next question that troubled my unsett led mind? Sexualtransmissionwas the most generalroot ofthe swellofthe virus or t hat was the norm. But it seemed irrelevant inhis case. How did that happen Adi? I asked desolated.What. HIV? He asked wondering. I felt uncomfortable ofthe ease wit hwhichhe said that word. I nodded sadly.

I had that accident you were reading about. They took us to the nearby government hospital in the rural area before shifting to the private facility. Dad thinks I got infected there due to unscreened blood transfusion or an infected syringe. The condition of the hospital was beyond disgusting. It wasnt until the year tha t followed that I went to Ohio for vacations that we found out he spoke withdespa ir inhis distant thoughts. I was with dad in the research centre. One of the lab technicians was teaching me blood testing trying to keep me busy while dad was d oing something important. We finger pricked me and mixed that with a solution, f ormed a slide to test

under microscope. She glanced into it casually but ended up carefully examining it and after a while she decided to take some more blood from my vein. Saliva te st, standard blood test, western blot followed, all leading to one result, prese nce of HIV antibodies in my system. The day that started in fun ended up changin g several lives irrevocably Mum didnt go to work for over a month Dads aggravation le ded him into an unresolving legal battle with the hospital. They were planning o n not sending me back again, to Mayo. But I wanted to get away. I couldnt bear se eing them like that. They were blaming themselves. I knew it wasnt anyones fault. It was destiny He dwelled onthe last word. I lingered silently, payingattention. I h ad no outlook onthe matter. But I felt the whole thing; his mums grieve his dads f rustrationand his stipulationoninformationthat his life was altered everlastingl y. I was in clinically asymptomatic stage so they began my antiretroviral drugs the rapy. I gazed at himbefuddled. The most important questionafflicted me. How much t ime do we have I heard myselfasking. There wasnt anythingonhis face that showed he was surprised to hear that question. I pretended to be composed but the fact sc ared me that he was agreeingthat we have a limited time. There are four stages. I am on the second. Due to the improved treatment people can lead a healthy life for many years in this stage. But it depends from person to person. HIV Virus keeps damaging the system over these years and then in the third stage normal HIV symptoms develop, leading to aids that is the final stag e. When HIV symptoms start showing people dont usually live for long after that. H e explained makingthe concept as easyas possible for me to understand. I knew th ings are more detailed and complicated inreal. Isnt there any cure for this I asked. I verywellknew the answer, but cant help aski nghopingto hear somethingbetter. A hope invainofcourse. There is no cure, just a treatment he sounded as composed. They moved me here with the thought that this pl ace is better than Ajmer in regards to pollution and also dad trusted heady with me. He said quietly. I absorbed the informationbefore movingon. What happened to you in the dressing room? I shrugged just withthe thought ofit. It happens sometim es. Its one of the side effects of the antiretroviral drugs he admitted. Oh I replie d Where did you go for three days? I asked. Delhi. I have to get tests done every s ix months to monitor my status. he said soundingbored. Did you tell heady what was going on between us? I kept interrogatinganyways. Nope. But he figured out. He as ked me not to tell you about HIV because he thinks if the word goes around some parents can have trouble with that. You know... Yeah I know. Deeps parents asked he r to stay away from me because I have asthma I interrupted jovialat the thought. He laughed too. You can hypnotize. I circled back to where it started, lookingat h imamazed. Yeah he nodded diffidently. By the way. I saw you before you saw me I babb led bailingout ofhis previous statement, that he started lovingme before I did. N o thats not true he flashed his gleamingsmile, dazingme momentarily. Dont hypnotize me. I said coveringhis eyes withmyhand too quickly, smiling. and yes it is true I added On the first day of the school, you passed by me with a book in your hands, totally oblivious of my presence and same thing happened at

the lunch table. But I noticed you. I criticized.

You did Yes I did and I was almost hyperventilating. You were nice to look at I answ red dubiouslytakingoffmyhand. He watched me withunnecessaryfixation. I didnt look at you then maybe but I saw you before that his eyes stayed rigid onmyface. When? I asked surprised byhis intensity. Now this is another complicated story. I dont kn ow if youll understand he explained after a plausible second. Try me I murmured curi ously. He sighed. Well there will never be an easy way to say this so just listen, you can choose not to believe it, it wont matter he said. I waited impatientlyfor himto start. It was a warm summer morning of 10 may 2001. We were going back to Ajmer from Jai pur after winning a football championship. Me and my friend Karan were playing w restling cards. It was too quite for 14 young boys in the bus. Everyone was tier ed. We practiced for that match day and night for almost a month. The success ta sted sweet but we were drained of energy. Everyone including two PT Teachers and the bus driver wanted to get back as soon as possible. I remember noticing that we were going too fast for that single sheer road. We were about to pass over a bridge when a long trailer appeared upright on the road from nowhere. The drive r fully stirred the steering wheel in panic. The bus was going down with an enor mous speed, everyone was shouting. The last thing I remember was seeing Karan lo se his grip of the handle and there was blood everywhere. He said ina wistfulexpr ession. I shivered. Mom pushes me for details sometime but no matter how hard I try I remember nothi ng of the accident or how I reached the hospital. All I remember after that inst ance is that it was very quiet. I was somewhere where there was no light and it wasnt dark. I could see nothing because there was nothing. I slowly kept walking finding a way or a direction to where I dont know. I couldnt see myself either. I started wondering if I was dead. Life after death was something that never held my interest. In that moment I reg retted not gaining enough knowledge on the subject to know what I was supposed t o do now. I heard that one sees light or goes into a permanent sleep after death , depending on their Karma. I didnt know if I have to wait for light or for the s leep. I was 11 I had no idea what kind of karma history I had. I kept walking. A s each step I took I had flashbacks of few memories that I never knew existed wi thin me. I saw myself taking my first step toward mum as an infant, there was a happiness beyond recognition on her young face. I heard my mums heartbeat like I have hear d it for the first time, clear and loud, when dad put his stethoscope in my ears and its chest piece on her heart. I saw the joy on dads face when I kicked my fi rst ball. I saw us entering into our new home. I saw the wall where all my medal s, certificates or any smallest of my achievements is framed and decorated and w hich my dad sees every morning with pride. Suddenly I saw a picture of me on the same wall with a flower garland around it, my mother howling, my father breakin g down. As soon I decided to turn back I found myself in a garden at a foot of a bridge, crossing over a beautiful stream. The other side of the bridge was what I think is heaven. The view on that side was spectacular; the place was floatin g in clouds. And I knew if I were to cross the bridge, I could not go back in my body. Not for the slightest of moment I wanted to go on the other side, I wanted my mum, I didnt want heaven. I stood there thinking what I should do when I saw my late grand father on the oth er corner of the bridge. He waved me to come to him but I didnt move. He disappea red in few seconds and then Karan appeared at the same place. He did the same. I

t hurted to know that he was gone but I still didnt move. I saw ranger my decease d dog with him. I felt depressed seeing them waiting but I wanted to live. They vanished too. And then after a conceivable second I saw someone, I had never seen before. She was pretty and there was light, she looked so white. Her long black hair contras ted her delicate features. Her face was calm and her eyes were penetrating. She looked at me with intensity as if she had known me for ages. She was very young but older than I was. She didnt ask me to come to her like my previous acquaintan ces. Her pink lips curved into a smile. I knew she was an angel. I couldnt resist her; I could feel that there was an unspoken desperation in her eyes as if she has been waiting for me for a long time. I hastily took a step on the bridge whe n I heard the noise of the ventilator and a pump alarm. My body was stiff and my hand felt heavy with the weight of the syringes. My dad was standing next to my bed. You are fine son. he murmured brushing his hand on my hair. I closed my eyes insta ntly to go back. I waited and waited she never showed herself again. I was not f ine, not after that. As the time passed I started believing that she was truly a n angel. I secretly wished that whenever I die, may that angel come for me. I lo nged to see her again. The knowledge of my sickness was not that big a shock aft er all, the strong desire to see her dimmed the fear of death from my mind. He pa used takinga deep breath. I looked at himcuriouslywaitingto listenmore. It was la st year in June, in the summer vacations. I went to Dargah Sharif in Ajmer as a usual tradition to offer prayers with my parents. I was following mom and dad doing the rituals in there. We were going around the mausoleum containing the to mb of Khwajaji when the face of the same angel caught my attention on the other side. Again there was light but she wasnt looking at me. In a briefest moment she disappeared. I ran out of the exit looking everywhere for her. I felt frustrate d and defeated to not find her. When a thought came like a spiritual awakening, how could I find her she is just a spirit? If Khwajaji who died hundreds of year s ago is still alive as a holy spirit in his tomb cant an angel live here too? Ajmer unquestiona bly is a great spiritual and holy land. The place itself was a never failing fai th. I started going to Dargah regularly to offer prayers. Every time the same one, asking him to send that angel to take me whenever I die. He paused witha heavysi ghand smiled. That was you. he said mutelyI know there can be psychological explanations to this, I have read tones of those but I know what I saw and I saw you before you saw y ourself a peculiar tone entered his voice. I looked at his face blanklyunable to think ofanappropriate reaction. It was tou ching. He meant that angelwas me. EvenifI tryto discard I know things like this are a psychologicalimbalance, youthink its ananomalous dream, supposedlya manifes tationofextrasensoryperception, that informationis giventhat we could not have o btained otherwise but its our sub consciousness that piece together bits ofinfor mation. Maybe he saw someone else, he liked her and thenhe saw me and liked me a nd he conceived the notionthat its the same person. It could be unrealbut there w as no harminbelieving. I dont know ifAngels or God or life after deathexisted. Bu t faithdefinitelydid. As I believed he was myAngel, he believed inme. You know I didnt want to leave Ajmer because of my belief that the angel lived the re. Dad threatened me to Pinegrove. And I couldnt believe my eyes when I saw you here. I felt very angry with God because whom I thought was an angel, was an ord inary girl. She was no holy spirit. Remember I didnt talk to you at first; I didnt like you very much. But then I saw you as someone who was sweet, caring, loving . Someone who was pure at heart, someone who can cry in others pain. I had never

seen anyone like you. You were an angel, my angel He said ina murmur, a twitchofs adness crossed his eyes. I felt warmand protected and happy. The feeling of bein g loved is trulythe most beautifulfeelinga soulcanbe blessed with. Withhimthere it was so easyto fantasize that everythingwas okay. Tell me something? he asked calmly. Hun I asked ina verylow voice. Did you go to Ajm er last year? he asked gentlybut intensely. Yes. I went there with my parents. My dad goes there every year. Last year he too k me too, to pray for the board examinations. And it wasnt light; it was the whit e salwar kameez I was wearing. I smiled I wish I had seen you too. I would have ne ver disappeared. He looked back intenselyto see a humanso passionatelyinlove. ThoughI think he ha s knownit allalong, myobsessionwithhim. How do you hear me when I am not near. I a sked lookingat himinmystification. He sighed meetingmyeyes and theywere surprisi nglytender now. I can. I can hear minutest of sounds from a distance. Especially the sounds which are near to you, to the beat of your heart. I can hear the pages turning of you r book in midnight, the pen scribbling on the paper, you talking in dreams and y our prayers in chapel. He said gloriously.

I stared at himbesieged yet befuddled. Are you sure it wont be more than enough f or one day he asked playfullyI dont want to scare you. Dont worry. I will survive. H ncertainlycame to sit besides me onhis warmbed.I have more developed senses for h umans. I see better, I hear better, I smell better Even your memory is better I smi led perturbed, rememberinghe told me he canlearnthe whole book. Yup. With memory comes the extra sensory perception because of which I sometimes see future. He ad ded critically. I crossed myarms around myfolded legs. He fellsilent for a minut e and watched me intentlyas ifhe was thinkingit through. They say that in 2000 the first human gene therapy success resulted. But thats no t true. He sighed. His eyes were tight as he stared past me out ofthe window. The first alteration of an individuals genotype with the aim of choosing the phenotyp e of a newborn was used to change the physical appearance, metabolism, hearing a id, eyesight and mental faculties like memory and intelligence was carried out i n 1988. With the method of germ line engineering the genes was changed in a very early embryo. That was classified under enhancement or positive genetic enginee ring. It was a work of some greatest minds in the field of human genetic enginee ring. But look at their fate due to the controversial ethical issues those docto rs never got a chance to come and tell the world about one of the greatest achie vements of a human brain. Me He added almost ina whisper. Adiwas a geneticallyengineered human. I shuddered slightlyat the bleakness inhis voice and the truthofhis words. It took me a while to digest his story. I was a slow learner but I guess inthis case anyone willbe. What he was sayingdoes made sense. He was different, thananyone ofus. But it felt so surreal. I was a scien ce student I knew this kind ofthingis possible but so are aliens, I meanthere is a difference betweena possibilityand reality. We sat insilence. I glanced at th e clock onthe front wall. Adi I murmured. Hun? He looked up abruptly. Is the color of your eyes genetically engineered? I asked dubiously. No. Mum says I have my grand mothers eyes in Me. he answered nonchalantly. I smiled hesitantly. He seemed confu sed. He tilted his head to one side and his eyes were curious. I love the blue of your eyes. I wanted them to be yours. I whispered blushing. He seemed unnecessar ilyconfused thoughsmiling, one ofthose beautifulsmiles. Arent you upset? Or heartb roken knowing that I am not very genuine. That I am an artificial Mr. Perfect He asked his eyes fixed at myface. No, why should I be. You are a biological wonder and besides you are so human. Its

the special you inside that body that I love and trust me thats the most perfect thing in my world. I replied, surprised he eventhought that. We bothsmiled mesmerized. It was late whenhe dropped me outside the dorm. You sur e you dont want to eat anything? he asked openingthe door for me, unwillingly. I am not hungry I assured himfor the hundredthtime. I was inno mood to go back to the party. You eat something I requested hesitantly. Sayingcaringthings was somethingthat cam e to me withexceptionalease. But I was not muchofa grownup inhis presence, mymin d was somewhat scrambled whenhe was near. He smiled. Sleep well he alleged clungingto his jacket. I blinked thoroughlydazed. Myheart sank as I watched himleaving. There was no one inthe dorm. I took shower and got dressed for bed, huntingthe b ook that I issued fromlibrary, and elatedlyrolled under the quilt. The book was just another love story. Thoughaninnate reader but I was not a huge fanofchoices these protagonists ofmybooks made. Few questions forever bugged me, drivingme i nsane and I used to read the chapters over and over again, lookingfor some possi ble explanationofunexplainable behaviors ofwomeninlove. For instance whyAnne Ell iot ditched Frederick in persuasionand thenwhyshe waited for a miracle like Frederick to happenagain. And muchless complicated whySita suffered allthe atrocities ofRam, she always had a choice to go back to her father; she was a princess after all. Allthese people be it Meera or Heer or ElizabethBennett ofwesternworld were never perfect to me. There were so many questions left hungat everybook I finished. But todaysomehow allthat was comingback to me, makingsense. Thoughindifferent er as, different worlds these people were allabout love. Theynever thought ofchoice s, as if theydidnt exist. Very true. Be it destiny or be it love, you dont drive i t, it drives you and necessarily for early adolescence. Just like themmyheart po ndered and got eager whenAdis name reaches myears. I amsure myreflexes were more rapid to his name thanmine. I was beingdriventoo. Bylove. I clogged myeyes, thinkingofthe evening. It ached to think how it started and th e same painnumbed onthe thought ofits closure. Adiwas infected witha virus, he w asnt sick; it was just like me sufferingfromasthma, I told myself. The risks were considerable inhis case but theysaythe treatment has enhanced the existence rat e. And theyllfind a cure, everynow and thenits inthe news, researchers workingonon e. But what if they are unable to find a cure in time. As he said the virus is littl e by little terminating his immune system. He has had 5 years in the second stag e already. How long would it possibly last The thought was apprehensive. I dont kn ow whenI fallasleep prayingto God. That night I had a dreamvivid but peaceful. K hwajajicame and shared a word ofwisdom. He said, I quote Death is a necessary end ; it will come when it will come. You cannot banish danger, but you can banish f ear. He said before vanishing. I woke up incore ofthe dark and kept conjecturinghow come Khwajajiended up impre ssingthings whichwere infact quotes froma book I had. The dreamwas eccentric but the strangest tad was that his preachings did make sagacity. How evenlyAdinatter ed about his disease, he didnt fear it. Likewise I have onno account felt a trepi dationabout my death, I wont fear his, I resoluted. Or at least I cantrynot to f ear it. He perceive me as a light, Illbe one. And thenthere was another fear, canthere ever be us. Myparents are modernenough, theywillrespect mychoices, and actuallythere never has beenaninstance where I h

ave shownanypreference to somethingthats not their preference. This would be firs t. I think wellfigure out something, theydont reallyhave a choice onthis matter. I am his, if anyone accepts it or not. To be withhimwas the decisionthat was ridi culouslyeasyto live with. So I vowed to be on his side in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death and beyond. At sometime we allwake up, that was the point for me. Are you awake? I heard Saras voice fromabove as she shifted uncomfortably, stirrin gthe whole bunk. Kind of. How was the party? I asked movingto see her face. Where w ere you Samiya? she asked, interruptingmyquestion. Myheart beganto race almost uncontrollably. Adrenalinkicked in. That allowed me to use allmystrengthat one time, but for a veryinsignificant amount oftime, to f ight offthe threats. I took advantage and babbled instantlyWith Aadil. I regretted as soonas the words were out. She sighed impatientlyand banged her hand onthe metalframe ofthe bed.Thats it Sami ya. You are not talking to him again her voice cutting, she glared me withanangry expression. He embarrassed you in front of whole school. Jesus, have some self respect girl. He hurt you. You have been moping around for two weeks; he didnt even come to apo logize. Crying in bathroom in the middle of the night is something that sane and happy people dont do. We both know whats going on here and its not good for you. Sh e said furiously. It was astoundinghow instantaneouslya sentiment ofsecuritywashed over me. Sara w as always a backup plan. Sometimes whenI felt that Illend up unaided and bymyself in life, whenmumand dad willwalk awayand Niyallbe wedded and I wont stumble onwith anyone, I constantlycounted onSara. It was so unproblematic to be withher, safe and not beinglonesome. But since last few years she turned out to be dissimilar to me. She has a life where closest ofpeople cango unnoticed for days. There is no precedent to how stronglyshe makes youbelieve that she doesnt care. But right now it didnt feellike her love had weakened over time rather that it had matured. It now sees beyond the happiness ofa friend, to see the righteousness for her. For the first time inlongtime, I clambered up to her bunk, just like walkingtowa rds the ground zero at the time ofbombardment and kissed her red cheek, whichwas smoldering withanger but turned pink withamazement at once. She glanced at me p erplexed. Move I am sleeping with you I said, totallyunconcerned about what she wa s thinking. We laid insilence for a while. You are so odd Samiya Mittal she croaked softly. I was prettysure that I wont be able to elucidate Sara the whole storyhonestly. I was bounded ingood faithto keep some parts to myself. And there was no good eno ughreason for Adis attitude inabsence ofthe whole truth. So I opted to come acros s like a psychopathfor a change. But I am telling you. If you dont stop now youll n ever be able to leave him. And I am hundred and one percent sure that boy is goi ng to leave you sooner or later. She said indesperation, to send her advice right throughmyhead for once, I am warning you. End it I didnt reply. It was too late for that. It was too late to end. I suppose she un derstood the gist ofmystillness. She didnt sayanythingfurther thanthat. We woke up to a bright day. I opened the window to suck up the relativelydryair. The dew shimmered oneverythingthat was green. It was warmand hardlywindyat all. The water inthe streamwas amazinglyand rarelyseengreenishblue this morning. The re was a purple touchto the river whichsurprised me. I think theywere the flower s. Myframe of mind didnt depend ongeographicalor environmentalamendments but it s

urelybrought anedge to mypreviouslycontent status. Boys were preparingfor a jogwhenI came downfor gym. It was the brightest lights I have seeninmonths. I saw Adicasuallystrolling, his eyes onthe staircase. I gri nned; he picked up onmymood immediately. Nice day he commented as I approached. Yes I agreed withanother grin. Despite the r ushand the morningfuzzeveryone managed to stare at us. It was just like the firs t day, whenwe walked downto the Brooke. I disregarded themand reserved mythought s customaryonhim. He smiled back, his blue eyes glistened withthe delight, I was hopingto see onth e dayofthe results. Whenhe smiled it was easier to see, whyI amdepressed whenhe is not on talkingterms withme. Where are you going? I asked, halfheartedlyona morninglike this. He anticipated a nd smiled crookedly. Not far. Just around the BSNL quarters. He replied, his tone too lucid. Oh I murmured. He seemed to apprehend that I have no idea ofthe place h e was talkingabout; beingdreadfulwithnames ofplaces and directions is the most c ommongirlie trait. Its located on the upper mall road within the Army premises. He tried explaining.Oh yeah got ya I said excitedlyI have been there thousand times. He laughed, And I havent been there once he said obliquely, ingood spirits. I knew wh at he meant. He knew the place and directions without beingthere and I didnt know whatever. Did you take your passport? I asked withassent. Kasauli being a cantonm ent town has a restricted entry. Foreign citizens have to carry their passports. Whats the deal with that? First Mr. Mathur, then Raag, then Mandy and now you He a sked politely, but amused.Those are Indian Army premises I said hardlyresidingonea chword.That I know. But why not others, I mean Ian, Iqbal and Sandeep. Why me? Th ey are foreign citizens too he asked wondering. I sniggered at his confusion. They dont look like one. And you unquestionably dont look Indian I explained. He looked at me inuncertainty. Yeah I dont look Indian. I look hippy. Thats what yo u called me when you were shouting at me he failed miserablyinanattempt to sound nonchalant. I dont remember. I answered chickeningout. SuddenlySara walked amidst u s fromnowhere. She looked at me furiouslyfor a briefsecond and I bowed downmyeye s withguiltyand fear. She must have set her prominent killer looks onAdibefore g rippingmywrist preparingto dragme awaythat Adimumbled inirritationI am sorry Sara , for what I have done. I cant take my words back or the pain I have caused her but please give me a chanc e to make up for it.. he said inlow velvetyvoice, almost pleadingfor forgiveness. I cant bear how his expressionchanged just onthe thought ofthat memory. He could have just put a spellonher and she would have forgotteneverything, I dont know w hyhe didnt do that.This is not fair Sara. You dont know the truth. I wanted to yel lat her. What did you have to go through? Dont even get me started on how miserabl e she was. You embarrassed her with your bull shit in front of everyone. And you apologize in person in front of two of us. Go and tell everyone that its you wh o is behind her not the other way She was shoutingwithout anymercy, whenI had to intrude. That doesnt matter Sara. Please I said ina low but hard voice, raisingmybr ows. You shut up and come with me she didnt evenlistento what I was tryingto say, draggi ngme withher. I managed to look back and give a smile but Adiwas still. Why he h as to take Sara seriously, for crying out loud. Everyone here knows that Sara is a black haired blonde. She let me lose ingymbut indubitablywas keepinganeye fromwherever she was. Inthe face ofmyincessant effort to explainher that he wanted to stayawayfromme, for m yowngood she pretended that she wasnt listening.

And as a finalpoint sittingonthe breakfast table she alleged Then why does he hav e to change his mind now. Cant he just stick to that previous choice? Of protecti ng you from himself or whatever I wont let him Sara. I whispered hesitantly. She gav e me that are you nuts looks. I winked.Thats just a crush. Youll get over it. She pr onounced heavingher glare fromme. I was more thanirritated. But I carefullypicke d onwords and tone, Maybe you are right. But right now I am pretty crazy about hi m. So please try and understand. I wasnt done sayingthat whenhe materialized fromt he rear walkingtowards his standard diningplace. I couldnt help givinghima fleeti nglook before turningback to Sara, who was alreadyoglingme. You know what? You are going crazy. I dont know why you like him. He is weird. Hav e you ever seen the way he looks at you? Looks like a maniac. You are just into his looks. You are not seeing anything other than that she accused ina hard voice . I dont think it was inaudible to the public around us. You know me better than that? I said sincerely, curbinga smile. She didnt reply. W e allgot up perfunctorilyas headywalked in. He was carryinga brownpacket and few sheets ofpaper. Oh no. please not now Sara sighed anticipatingit was lecture time . She was right. Dear students. I need a minute of your precious time to read to you a letter whic h has arrived from Mayo College, Ajmer with certificate of excellence, a CBSE Ma rk sheet which is worth a sight and a CBSE Merit certificate. Please bear with m e Headycontinued keyed up as Adigave me a timid smile and I returned the same with a look ofproud inmyglare. Dear Aadil Rathore I am delighted to inform you that you have passed the Central Board of Secondary Examination with the highest position in the nation. I would like to mention th at you have made the school proud and the teachers who nourished you, honored wi th the output that they thrive to bring in each student every day of their life. In my life in Mayo I have seen people with mediocre ability achieve outstanding success because they dont know when to quit. But rarely did I come across someon e who succeeded because he was determined to. In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins not through strength but by perseverance. Mayo sees you as a stream. I remember tel ling you that it is by what you have done, not by what your father has done that you will be remembered in after ages. This will be remembered as the first mile stone in the altitude of fame I am sure you will achieve one day and when you wi ll indelibly etch your place in history. Last but not the least Mayo College, Ajmer will always remember you as a notable alumni and someone who has set an exceptional example for the next generation o f mayoites. I wish you all the very best for the bright life that lies ahead of you and will look forward to see you every year for old mayoites reunion. Kind Regards Major General Amarjeet Singh Principal, Mayo College, Ajmer Headyfinished the letter withproud layingemphasis onthe last words. A round of applause for Aadil The words were inhis mouthwhen the hallechoed withthe resonance ofclaps. Everyone gazed at himwithapprobation. He blinked at me as he got up. Congrats I wh ispered under mybreathclapping, mycheeks and palms warmwitha suddenrush. His lips moved to murmur Thanks prior to walkingtowards Heady. Headypatted his ba ck and handed himthe certificates, mymouthfellopenas he bowed downto touch Headys feet. He must have one hellofparents to teachhimstuffthat I didnt know. As soona

s headyseated, theystarted servingthe breakfast. But stillAdiwas the centre of a ttentionfor one and for all. Everytable he walked past urged to see his certific ates and mark sheet and he illustrated themaround and showed gratitude withprope r and gracious commitment. It was amazinghow patientlyhe explained his grades to year 1 students, while the toddlers were just curios to see what the bigmess is about. Allthe despair ifany, momentarilyvanished as I watched him, I couldnt bel ieve that I deserved this degree ofgood fortune. As he stopped byat the fourthtable inthe row, I cant help noticingthat he spent m ore thannecessarytime exchangingdiscussion. Niya and her friends listened to him attentively. The identicalpulse whichtingled as hope incontext to Adiand Sara qu ivered as happiness everytime I saw Adiand Niya collectively. I think you can hav e breakfast now. They are done Sara said ina low and severe voice. I hesitantlyturned around to get myselfcereals. I contemplated Adiwont have time for one, so I set another plate and decided to make hima take awaysandwich. I u sed brown bread, 4 ounce ofcheese and anythingand everythingthat was there for s alads. I was worryingtoo muchabout the nutritionalvalue ofeachingredient somethi ngthat I have never done before. Is this for someone? Sara babbled. She knew I preferred cereals for breakfast. Adi I murmured without hesitationand without anyeffort to keep myvoice low. I dont thi nk me and Adiwere object ofgossip anymore, we have beengoingonand offfor quite s ometime now. She contemplated the sandwich. I want the same she entreated witha gr ave expression. Sometimes I feelthat its jealousyor more or less competitiveness whichkept Sara fromslackeningthe tensionwithAdi. Perhaps she was petrified onsh aringme withhim. Here. You can have this. Ill make another one for him I said passingher the plate. I was doinganother one, whenhe finallyappeared. He stood at the edge ofthe tabl e like a marble tribute to some forgottenpaganGod ofbeautywhile everyone onthe t able hooted and clapped for him. He gave fives to his friends and posed his fing ers for V as an Victory. Everyone looked at us inamazement but the hootings and toot lings went for quite sometime. Kunalwas wavinghim, askingfor certificates whenhe said Wait a minute inhis mused voice walkingaround the table, towards me. His con genialattitude was somethingthat could not be achieved throughimitation. I heard veryunmistakablywhenhe came to a stop besides me. Mymind was spinningwhi le to breathe was somethingI had to continuouslyremind myselfwhenhe was inclose immediacyand theysayits one ofthe automaticallyregulated functions ofhumanbody.Sa miya he said ina quiet, musicalvoice. I knew lookingat himwont do anygood to mypre sent stipulationbut I had to permit myselfone glance. I looked up, at his stunni ngface and thenwas unable to take myeyes off. I had to speak he was waiting. But I couldnt think ofanythingconventionalto say. There is a complexityoffeelings in volved whenhe looks at me ignorant ofeveryone around. Yes I managed stammeringpronouncingthat minuscule word. He laughed a soft enchant inglaugh. Am I allowed to give you presents? he asked flatlysmilinga crooked smile so beautifulthat I canonlystare at himlike anidiot. That depends I persisted stup idly. He seemed confused. I wont accept anything materialistic I said awkwardly. How about this? Does this count? he held out the documents to me. The glow onhis f ace argued allthe three components ofTriangular theoryoflove; intimacy, commitme nt and passion. I smiled shylyholdinghis certificates. I knew it was somethinglike that. I didnt know what love is and what task it serves but iflove does what it was doingto me and AdithenI ampositivelyrecommendingit to everyone. I carefullyassessed eachdo cument before lookingup againYou get these only once. You might want to keep the originals. I smirked. Ill survive he muttered, pullinghimselfback immediately. I smi

led back as didnt have a word to thank himenoughfor the most exclusive present. H e has myheart, ifthat makes up for it. I can no other answer make, but, thanks an d thanks I mumbled out unthinkingly. Shakespeare He said impulsively. I nodded as h e moved back to his seat. Now I noticed that everyone ontable was hootingfor us and it faded as I passed onthe certificates to Kunal. Teachers must have noted t oo. There were hardlyfive minutes left for the break. He was lookingonthe table searchingfor a quick snack, whenI hesitantlyheld out the plate to him. For a mom ent he looked at me wondering. I thought there wont be enough time for proper brea kfast. You can carry it with you I tried to sound informal. Thank you he said warml ytakingthe plate. We were sharingsmiles whenSara intruded I guess you should eat something too she said mordantly. We quicklyceased the exchange and spent last fi ve minutes eatingina rush. Sara walked me downto the class, utilizingeachsecond criticizing Adi, mostlytalk ingto herself. I cant believe he is doing that kind of goofy stuff in front of tea chers. Are they blind? They should throw him out of the school. She said inirrita tion, clenchingher teeth. That knowledge turned me blue. This was somethingthat was exceedinglypossible ju st there would be more to that idea, I think theyll have to kick me out too I murmu red unthinkinglyif that happens I added. She was hushed bythat thought. I walked into the class goaded at Sara and impatient to see Adi. I was startled to see that everyone was alreadythere. I was scrutinizingthe roomfor anunoccupie d seat, whenI saw himstaringat me. He was smilingcrookedlyfromacross the room; h e moved his books to one side leavinghalfthe desk vacant and winked at me, motio ningto joinhim. I automaticallyreached his table, standingthere unsure. Saras com ment was stillworryingme. Arent you going to sit down? he asked, smiling. I sat downcautiously, hyperaware that Adi was sittingless thaninches awayfromme. I was stunned bythe unexpected electricitythat flowed throughme, amazed that it was possible to be more aware ofhimthanI alreadywas. I was inhis arms yesterday and now his modest closeness was sendingbutterflies inmystomach. I wonder ifIllev er get used to his imminence. He seemed as strikingand incredible as always. A c razyimpulse to reachover and touchhim, to stroke his perfect face just once, nea rlyoverwhelmed me. After a fanaticalmoment, whenI almost lost it I realized thin gs havent untied at his end either. He sat as far as the desk would allow, though his face was angled towards mine. Mr. Pandeybacked into the roomthen- savingus frommakinganytalk inthat awkward mo ment. He started dictatingnotes. I clenched myfree hand onthe notepad while scri bblingnotes and despite enormous efforts our arms were brushingagainst eachother most ofthe time. Myeyes oftheir ownaccord flickered to him, whenMr. Pandeypaused. I smiled sheepi shlywhenI realized his posture was a mirror image ofmine, a free hand clenched o nthe notebook and other snuglyholdingthe pen. He smiled peeringsideways at me. I couldnt concentrate onthe lecture for some reason- I didnt evenknow what chapter we were on. I tried unsuccessfullyto relaxseveraltimes. OccasionallyI permit mys elfa quick glance inhis direction, but he never seemed to relax, either. The ove rpoweringcravingto touchhim also refused to fade, and I crushed myfingers against the penuntiltheywere achin gwiththe effort. I realized our arms were touchingbecause he was rightingwithhis left hand and me withright. Oh, so he was left handed. Mr. Pandeydecided to give us time to do some readinginsilence. I didnt bringmyboo k so Adioffered to share. After few moments ofgazing, I realized he wasnt concent

rating either. I was about to openmymouthto saysomethingwhenMr. Pandeyshammed a coughto another talkingduo. Adihanded me his penmotioningto write it downonbook. I wrote downcarefullymakingsure that myhandwritingis legible.You are left hande d? Yes. Why? you dont date lefties? He wrote inhis ownpersonalcalligraphy, suppressi ngsmile. Are we dating??. I fiddled, doubtfully. He winked, I blushed. As usuala nd thenI recessed and let myastroanalysis flow in. Left handed people are consid ered lucky I smiled Trust me, I am he wrote peeking at me and then continued I got a free sandwich t his morninghe wrote ironically. He smiled, as I smiled. As Mr. Pandeypassed us takinga round, he turned the page underneathmyhand, and turned it back whenMr. Pandeydisappeared. I took the pena nd started scribblingwhat was worryingme the mostAdi, do you think teachers wont have problem with us. I mean heady gave me a verbal warning already Adiwas shakinghis head before I finished. I started writingagainHow do you know? He was quiet for a while before writingagainas ifthinkinghow to explicate this to me. No they wont. I am like an asset to them. Its good for schools name. They cant expel me. And neither you. Me and you come in package. I smiled timidlyat the last li ne; he stole a look before continuing Also I can always hypnotize him. He smiled a boyish, mischievous laugh.Whatgotyouworriedanyways??? He knew it wasnt myidea. I took the penhesitantly, thinkinghe should have guessedSaraL His face changed right away, as ifhe has remembered somethingout ofthe blue. He took the penand t he words rushed out after that Why is she so worried? I am just a crush. You are crazy for me right now but I a m sure youll get over it soon. He put back the peninsolently, his lips pressed in a hard line waitingfor me to right. I cant believe he heard that. I flushed withs hame; he was not supposed to listenthat. I squiggled ina scurry I dont have to tell Sara or anyone for that matter, how I feel about you. People dont understand. You should know, thats what matters. I paused and wrote againirri tatedI cant believe you sucked that We didnt talk after that. Do you want to change places? That would be more comfortable. For you He asked risingfluidly. He would be onleft then, and me onright and our arms wont collide. I explained myself. As ifthat would help mymuddled thoughts. Hun was allI was able to respond. As I shifted to his warmplace where he usuallys at I noticed myname engraved onthe brownwoodendesk witha compass maybe. Severalt imes. I looked at himoverwhelmed. What he asked surprised whenhe caught me glaring . Nothing I whispered. He smiled inuncertaintybefore whirlingback to Mandy. Mrs An jalistarted the class witha poem; the laburnumtop. Later inthe class she asked f or names for the scholastic poemwritingcompetition. You should give your name I su ggested fervently. Hun he murmured, his mind somewhere else. Before I could ask hi m, he raised his penonlyto saySamiya Mittal. I was horror stuck. Alltraces ofmysud denexcitement vanished. It was aninter schoolcompetition. I cant believe he just did what he did. Do you want me to put in your name as well? Ms Anjaliasked keenly . No Thank you mam. I am not good at combining rhyming words. He answered innocent ly. I started as soonas he settled You gave my name. You didnt bother to ask me? I asked bitterly. You wouldnt have allowed me to That was true. Because I dont know shi t about writing poems. I growled. I bit mylip so hard, I think it was bleeding. Yo u turn abusive when you are upset. He said suppressinga grin. Myteethclamped toge ther. You know sometimes I feel you try to rhyme everything you speak. There are poems

and quotes everywhere in your books. If you cant write, nobody can. Trust me on t his one. He mumbled almost incoherently. His attempt to trap me inhis words was n ot goingto work, but I was alreadytrapped to some extent. I dont think I have gut s to get myname eliminated, I cant argue myside with him, its nearlyimpossible to get your ways out withMs Anjali. I looked awayinthe generaldirectionofthe black board. The famous silence revisited. This time reciprocally, I wasnt ontalkingter ms, I was stillfurious. I knew he scrutinized my face for a longmoment before tu rningback to studies. We were doinganessayon, a laburnum top, whenhe decided to give up. Actuallyhe wa snt heated up inthe first place but his attempts to make up beganat that point. Ok ay. I am sorry he whispered, tryingto hold mygaze as I looked away. He went back to writing, whichlasted not more thanfew minutes. Are you still angry? he asked ca refullystudyingmyimpressions. Definitely I growled. He sighed. Will you forgive me if I help you with one? he asked rollingthe sleeves ofhis shirt. I was about to counter myconditions to get myname eliminated whenthe blue contus iononhis armcaught myattention. He swiftlysmoothed downthe sleeve as ifhe has fo rgotten about it altogether. Withdeliberate slowness, myhands slid downto his ar m. I shivered, and I heard himcatchhis breath. But myhands didnt pause as I softl ycurled the shirt, and thenstopped. The blue capillaries were visible more thans ufficiently, as ifthe skinonthemwas transparent or missingat some points. The br uises except for the capillaries contrasted withthe pale white ofhis glowingskin . I was about to touchit whenhe held myhand. Myhand felt so feeble inhis ironstrengthyet it was he who was inpain. This was s ome serious damage. And thentoo soonhe released me. How did this happen? myvoice a lmost inaudible. They were having trouble finding my blood vein he said mutelyread ingmyexpression. Does this induce pain I asked gravely. No he whispered. I know that was a lie. I carefullycaressed his arm; he didnt stop me this time. I delicatelystroked the bruise; traced the shape ofthe visible capillaries. I could feelthe stingtravell ingfromhis bodyto mine. I dropped myhand and uncurled the sleeve, tugged the but tonand leaned away. He was immobile as a stone. No one could be stilllike him. I wish he whispered, You wouldnt have seen this. He raised his hand to myhair, and t hencarefullybrushed it across myface. No. please. Promise me youll tell me wheneve r you are in pain or not well. Mywords came out like a warning. He sighed. You are not sole proprietor of taking care. I want to take care of you too I said ina ru sh. His lips twitched ina hard smile. This is exactly what I didnt want. He said. Wh at? Now is it some prestige thing. Some male ego. We can do better than this Adi I pleaded, caressinghis hand. He seemed to relaxa bit. Actually I havent come up t o that part where I start getting sick. I am lagging behind he smiled a surprisin glyimpishgrin. I cant believe he found humor inthat. I dropped his hand heated in invisiblyquick moment. We got back to our essays as were runningout oftime. I was onthe third line when I indiscreetlyhold the benchwhile doodling. Somethingcold touched myhand slightl y. He turned around myhand to fit his fingers inmine. I shivered. Ill never let go of you. Ill do whatever you want me to he murmured firmlywithglitz yeyes. The muscles inthe pit ofmystomachtightened and send mypulse hammeringthro ughmyveins again. He didnt let go ofmyhand for the next two periods. Inbiologypractical, summer vacations were the headlines untilMr. Ahluwalia came. Please dont go in summer vacations I said pleading. He was goingto stayinKasauliat his parents. He willcome to schooleverydayfor coachingclasses but that muchtime is not enoughfor me. I wish I could hypnotize them on phone. He said cutelyonce th ey are here, they wont leave me.

It was marvelous how he talked keepinghis eyes onthe dissection. A third personc annever figure that he was sayingsomethingnot related to the practical. I smiled sluggishly. Did Sid talk to you? he asked firmly. No. Not after that dinner. He smi led obliquely. I made him forget that he likes you he answered shrewdly. You did? I couldnt help laughing. Thank you. Pleasure is mine. he replied smiling. I have few q tions, about that little thing you told me. The genes stuff I asked hesitantly. I was counting on that he stated casuallyshoot? You said you have better genes but you got HIV I said not incomplete indifference. He looked at me as ifI was missingso methingobvious. There is no immunity to HIV. Just that because of my immunity to other infections Ill live a bit longer maybe. He continued But lately they have found that some peo ple have natural immunity to HIV. Maybe therell be a vaccine to prevent HIV in ne ar future. Oh I groaned.And what are the ethical issues. Why didnt they let world kno w about you? I asked astonished. IfI would have done somethinglike that, I would be runningaround the townshoutingabout it.First of all genetic modification of em bryos can pose an ethical question about the right of the babies. They believe t hat every fetus should be free to not be genetically modified. As you know in ou r body different cells have different tasks, changing one cell to do a different job will not only affect that one task, it can affect many others too. If somet hing goes wrong a child can be born with diseases or dystrophies. So what dad an d his friends did was illegal. But dad trusted his friends. And secondly if the world knows this can happen, wealthy families will opt to design their child wit h genetic advantages as everyone would want to provide best opportunities to the ir babies in life. Now the problem is that, this therapy will obviously cost goo d money, and the less wealthy families will be left to procreate naturally, and have to introduce their children into the world disadvantaged from their first b reath. The impact on society will be a new alignment of classes, the new divisio n will be between the naturals and the genrich or genetically enhanced. So this of c ourse is not ethical. He peeked at me Do you understand? I thought about it for a minute. So he disadvantaged us. This was a new point of view. No offence but why did your dad do it then? I asked curiously. They wanted to test their discovery. And they wanted people with genetic disease s like cystic fibrosis, to benefit from it. They did that with a sole purpose of helping sick. But what happened, that along with me the same genes were altered in dads friends embryo. The baby was born with leukemia. I was lucky to be healt hy at time of birth. So no matter what, things can go wrong. And dad and his fri ends decided to close everything. Its history now. He said settingthe microscope. Your mum allowed that kind of thing? Mytone was veryaccusing. Its a very difficult d ecision to make. But you know what my mum is just like you. She is very innocent . Dad can talk her into anything. She resists for a while but then she goes with the flow. But if something would have happened, she would have never forgiven d ad he murmured lost inpityfor his mum. Werent you upset with your dad, when he told you? I asked dubiously. Nope. He is my dad. And someone has to make a sacrifice to bring change to billions of others. His voice filled withrespect. Yeahhe was right. Adi and what is about the extrase nsory perception? I asked undecidedly. Extrasensory perception is also called sixth sense. It was something that was no t intended. That sense involves reception of information not gained through the recognized physical senses but sensed with the mind. It may have happened as a s ide result of the mutation for memory. Some great authors have explained from ti me to time that this kind of thing is possible. He explained. What things do you see? The future comes to me in dreams. All pleasant. I saw Olivi

a and Oliver before they were born. I told mum two black twins will become a par t of our family someday. I knew the exact appearance of dads research centre befo re it was built. I was in class sixth when I dreamt that Ill top CBSE exams for t enth. You knew you were going to do it. I asked surprise. Thats why you were laughing when I asked you how you did on your board exams, the first day we talked. He sm iled. Tell me what else did you see? I asked curiously. A lot of random stuff. I knew what mum will be wearing me to pick me up. I knew what I was going to get for my ya and your parents more than once in dreams when I was got a good one for you. Youll be surprised. He paused will get married one day. what shell say when shell co birthday. I have seen Ni in Mayo. And yes I have to stare at me Mandy and Sara

Mymouthfellopen, What? Are you kidding me? No I am not. I saw Mandeep in turban an d Sara in pink wedding dress circling around Guru Granth Sahib Myheart thudded wi thexcitement. How was she looking Adi? Tell me everything. Does she have long hai r, was she grown up? He smiled, contemplatingmyjoy. She was the prettiest thing in the whole picture. An unusual peace on her face, s imilar to yours. Your parents and Niya were there too. Niya looked very young. R aag was there. And trust me those two looked as if they were paired together in heaven. Mybreaths were cominginsluggishly. Was I happy Adi? I asked ina whisper. He stared at me for a longmoment; his expressiontold me that somethingwas wrong.You werent there. he whispered. It felt like someone has stabbed me inmychest. Why was I not there? What kept me from her wedding? Will she never forgive me about Adi? But I dont see the whole picture most of the times. And that dream was a long time ago . Maybe I didnt notice you he said firmly. I knew he was lying, tryingto cheer me up. It didnt work. I didnt know what to say. You told me you never saw us together I asked hesitantlyis that right? He nodded stiffly. GraduallyI ranout oflogicalquestions whenI beganwiththe ones that were insignifi cant. It was like I was testinghis patience. Result: He was the most patient per son I have ever come across. It was drizzlingwhenwe stepped out ofthe classroomthat day. The dayhad set into a beautifulevening. The water droplets were beadingup. Ground was moist and soft . The aroma, freshand sweet filled the air. The trees were like the wondrous nat uralbeautyglorifyingthis alienplanet. Monkeys were chatteringnoisily, roamingfre e without care. And the birds chirped rushingback to their nests. The colors eve r-so-brilliant complimented. The pathwas covered withdryleaves, retainingthere b eautifuldullyellow color and an angel walkingbesides me. How could all this be n ot a dream? We walked insilence, before I came up withanother question. Adi could it be that when you saw me after the accident in that dream; it was a pre sensory perceptio n? You saw the future. I asked doubtfully. He was instantlyserious, I cansaybecau se his lips set into a hard line. No that cant be his voice suddenlyantagonistic. There has to be another explanation to that. I searched your medical records. Youl l be surprised that you had that rock climbing incident on 10 May 2001. The same day I had my accident. And your reports show that your injuries were not minor. You were mere lucky. He explained repentantly. That was a verystrange coincidenc e, ifit was one. He said softly, as ifhe was listeningto mythoughts That cant be a coincidence. T here has to be some explanation for everything. He sighed. Sometimes I feel that I am not just a specimen for human experiment but that God is also trying his han d on me. Someone up there is definitely playing with my life and you have to sha

re my misery he smiled without humor. Why does he have to say that? There is no misery. And there is no experiment. For get about everything. It doesnt matter. I trust my God. He has something beautifu l planned for us. I turned around to face himPlease trust me. The words ached inmyt hroat. His face was grave. I dont know why I am fooling myself. We cant be together , we cant get married. You are healthy and young and you have a bright future. An d I have to wait for the day when Ill start getting sick. When youll be somewhere in your midlife crises Ill be dead His voice had the sealofpainthat struck right o nmyheart. He shouldnt have said that. He has no right to saythat to me. This will never happ en. We will live a long happy life together. I replied aggravated. I have been HIV Positive since five years now. Be realistic Samiya. He was more thanfrustrated h imself. We glowered at eachother. Aadil history is full of people who were sick but suddenly got better. Thats calle d miracle. And it can happen, trust me have faith in him. I said pointingtowards the chapel. You are very innocent Samiya. You dont understand he murmured inhis vel vetyvoice. Eveninanxietyhis pale face was beautiful. The tinyraindroplets shimmered onhis s kin. Wind played inhis dark hair. His eyes gloriouslyagonized. His coolbreathe s melled sweet, delicious, the scent made mymouthwater. It was unlike anythingelse . Myblood was racing, and I wishI could slow it, sensingthat this must make ever ythingso muchmore difficult the thuddingofmypulse inmyveins. Surelyhe could hear it. Instinctively, unthinkingly, I leaned closer, inhaling. His dark red lips w ere alluring. Mylips parted as I contemplated them. He instantlytook a step back ward. As I realized the identicalfeelingenveloped me. That was the second time. As it sank inI felt ashamed, I stood their still. He hesitantlycame closer to me. I wa s too mortified to look into his eyes again. He gentlytook myhand and pulled me closer. Ina quick second I was inhis arms, myhead onhis chest. He fondled myhair tenderly. His lips were close to myear and his warmbreathwas sendingshiver throughmyspine. Listen to my heart. He whispered It beats your name. His lips touched myear faintlyI have faith in God. He gave me you Inanother moment I did feelbetter, no more humiliated but mybreathingdidnt sooth, the desire to feelhis cold lips was more thanever. I unscrambled mythoughts unw illinglyand slicklylooked up to see into his dazzlingeyes, Chapel I murmured. Yes he answered politelyscrutinizingmyface. The churchwas as quiet as always. Mybeliefwas suchthat I could see the God watch ing. I have asked himto forgive mysins, for better marks, for seeingdad but that dayI asked himsomethingthat was mylast wish. I bowed myhead downand I joined my hands and prayed to be only Adis, forever. I told God he was myonlyhope. WhenI wa s a little girl mama used to saywhenyou cry, God cry with you. EvenifI tried not to I was makinghimcryeverydaysince last couple ofdays. We silentlywalked out after sometime. Lets go down he suggested glazingat his watchw e still have time for dinner. Wont rain bother you? I asked. I meant that he could c atchcold or cough. Infectionofanykind is not good for him.Its drizzling. Dont call it rain he said firmly, tryinghard not to make a face. He started walking. I foll owed himthroughthe trees, enjoyingthe peace. One glance at the greenishblue wate r ofthe curvybrook was enoughto do wonders onmypoignant disposition. For the most part we walked insilence. Occasionallyhe would ask the same questio

n if I wanted to go back. The pathwas muddyand slipperyat places and I was sligh tlymore imbalanced thanother humans. Everytime I replied No Ill be fine. courteousl ybut doubted that Illmake it safelyto the meadow. It was dense yet beautiful. The re could be more life here thanmine and Adis. Thoughthe fear ofwild animals has n ever bothered me and maybe it didnt bother himeither, because ofhis good hearinga bilities. He must be able to figure out danger froma distance. Adi dont you feel irritated with all those tiniest of noises bothering you all th e time. Isnt it hard to find quiet and peace? I asked interrogatively. He peeked o ver myhead into the dense forest, and thenunthinkinglykicked a stone. Nah. The no ises dont bother me. I was born like that. He glared at myconfused expressionand t hencontinued For example if a kid is born blind, how can hedifferentiate between dark and light. Just like that I dont know how it normally is. To me all of you a re deaf he smiled. I smiled too.Dont you have to hear things that you dont want to sometimes. Like som eone gossiping about you. Or anything else thats unpleasant? I murmured. Yes I do sometimes. But I get to hear equally good stuff. It balances that out an d I am patient with bad comments. Everyone thinks differently. People have diffe rent opinions. He answered intently. I was impressed by his generous thoughts. You are a very kind person Adi I whispered under mybreath. He smiled hugely. Look who is talking he said smiling. We finallyreached our little getaway. The flowers were bloomingand were shiverin gunder the water droplets. And everythinginthe meadow looked back as iftheywere waiting for us to come. He calmlywalked to rest against the immense rock whichde spite the recent water flow looked dry. It was no more raining. I touched the fl owers and listened to the tune offlowingwater while he took out a book. His alre adystillexpressiondrasticallysoftened as soonas he opened the book. He was a kee nlearner. He read chemistryas ifit was anAgatha ChristiNovel. He looked shocking lybeautiful. I couldnt get used to it, thoughIve beentryingveryhard. He slowlyraised his eyes and caught me glaring. StillI couldnt take myeyes offhim . He smiled warmly. What are you thinking? he asked playfullybut I canhear the rea lcuriosityinhis voice. I shook myhead. Tell me. Your heart beat is uneven. You ar e thinking something His eyes watched me intently. I have few questions? I said gra vely. He smiled You always have Ask whatever you want to? I wasnt able to breathe. I hesitated not ina normalway. He came closer inhis extravagant grace. He lifted mychinexaminingmyface and bent his face slowlyto mine, layinghis coolcheek against myskin, mycollarbone. I hel d perfectly stillbut myheart thudded. Mmmmmmm he breathed. It was verydifficult while he was touchingme, to frame a cohe rent question. It took me a minute ofscattered concentrationto begin. Thats my deo dorant I said, tryingto exhale. Its lovely he breathed. This afternoonhe was shoddil yaffected bythe delicate scent, look at himnow. He does build up immunityrapidly . So I was wonderingI beganagain, but his fingers were slowlytracingmycollarbone, a nd I lost mytrainofthought. Yes? No, forget it. I changed my mind. I said feelingthe suddenwarmthwhere he touched.Samiya, you can ask me anything. I didnt answer, and he groaned. You know its very frustrating, knowing that you are thinking something about me and then not knowing what it is I shook myhead. Please? his voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist. Please? he pleaded againoverpoweringmyrelucta nce. Well I began, turningawayfromhis glare. Yes? I was wondering why you said that w e cant be together or we cant get married. He laughed inearnest now, understanding. That surprised me. Is that what youre getting at? he whispered softlyinmyear. I fi dgeted, unable to answer. That was partially true. We can be together but we cant get married. He said. I couldnt sayanything. Why are you asking? he asked playfullyWe ll I did wonder why you will not want to marry me. Just because you may get sick

one day or is it something else? He was instantlyserious, I could tellbythe sudd enstillness ofhis body. I froze, too, reactingautomatically. Dont you know how HIV can be transmitted? You may have different desires right now but youll want more once youll be married. Anyone will. And I dont think that that. would be possible for us. But I have read online. People who are tested positive a re in relationship with negative tested people. There are ways. I sighed.Those peo ple are idiots. I am not. You dont have any idea how unsafe and irresponsible beh avior it is to have I can never ever risk your life like that. You have no idea h ow I have to mind my actions every moment that were together so that I dont do any thing that could infect you. His voice became just a soft murmur You dont realize h ow incredible your life is. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of contro l with you. I didnt know what to say, what to argue for. So cant you have babies either? I asked dubiously. He laughed as soonas myquestionwas out. No I dont think so. Marriage a nd having babies is correlated. I thought you knew he said laughing. I felt prick lyand embarrassed. I know I was just conforming I waited for a minute to answer, b ut stillthe words werent true. He seemed deliberate for a moment. Im curious now, t hough, he said his voice light again. Have you ever been kissed, had a crush or a boy friend? Of course not. I flushed. Everyone in school knows, Ive never been close to being proposed. I know. Mandy told me. Its just that I know that you are good wi th keeping things to yourself. I thought you may have liked someone before me. Nop e. You are the lucky one I answered playfully.I truly am madam he answered smiling, rumplingmyhair. So never being kissed. Haan I could see the curiositybehind his w ords.Never I replied makinga face. I wanted to but someone declined the offer twice . I couldnt believe I just said what I said.My eyes dropped with mortification. I wasnt expectinganyreplyto that weird remark, whenhe murmured You dont know how h ard it is to decline such tempting offers. Girl you make it so hard for me. I th ink I should start keeping distance from you for my own good. He said softly. Myheart was beatingunevenlymakingmyconscious fade. Do you find me attractive Adi, in that way, at all? I dont think that was me who was talking.You have no idea. He said almost ina whisper. I felt dizzyand myeyes closed involuntarily. You are tie red. Lets get you back to the school he insisted takingmybagfromme. 8. DIFFERENCEIN OPINIONSMorning Adi I murmured unsure ifhe could hear me fromthis far, climbingdownthe bed. I was the third one to the gym. Raag, Amber and Adiwer e alreadythere. Mr. Mathur was highlyimpressed bythe transformationinmybehavior since the punishment. I amsure he was more confident withhis systemand practices ofamelioratingstudents. We did aerobic exercises that morningand later Adisaved me a seat at breakfast table, whichI later switched, because ofSara. Despite my explanation, Adibelieved that I was scared ofher. I told himifI want to be invit ed at Saras weddingthanI have to keep a low profile with him, to whichhe laughed frantically. I pleasinglyglared at Sara and Mandyafter everysecond. Picturingthe mtogether I realized those two actuallylooked cute inone frame. Duringmyconversationwithanyone I was always hyperaware, knowingthat he maybe eve s dropping. He told me ingymthat he cant help listening, it comes to himnaturally but it stillfrustrated me that I was left withno bludyprivacyand so were myfrien ds. I swear his lips twitched to suppress a grin, whenAmber whispered inmyear th at Niya caught her and Raag kissing in the basement last night. She started giving me details about her kiss and what followed, despite myrequests to talk about it later. Mr. Pandeyinformed that we were leavingfor camps inRenuka reserve forests dayaft er tomorrow. The name fetched some zillionreminiscences affixed to that place. I would saythat HimachalPradeshis one ofthe best-kept secrets onIndia. It was bea utiful, ofcourse; I couldnt denythat. Everythingwas greenjust like here:The trees

, their trunks covered withmoss, their branches hangingwitha canopyofit, the ground cove red withferns. Eventhe air filtered downgreenlythroughthe leave. And there was s ome blue ofcourse:the openskyand the silent water ofthe lake; Renuka Lake. Touri smhas developed around it. It is surrounded bysmallhills and lushgreenvegetation and is anidealspot for spendinga quite vacation, but thats exactlywhat we were no t about to do. The camps are the reciprocalofa quiet retreat. Settingup tents, s leepinginsleepingbags, arousing before sun, climbingimpossible rocks, rappelling , rafting, river crossing, foxflyingin sky-scraping mountains are some ofthe thi ngs, whichare zero funand life threateningly dangerous that we do for our versio nofsilent escape. But fortunatelythere are things for me instore as well. We do get to see the tem ples dottingthe landscape. And the walk around the lake is beautiful. There are ducks and fishthat canbe observed bysittingat the banks. The reflectioninthe wat er is stunningunder the moon; its so beautifulthat at times I have desperatelywan ted to drownmyselfinto it. There is so muchmore to that hiddenbeautybut I amno w riter. Its difficult for me to share ina meaningfulway, the splendid memories and image frommychildhood trips. I jerked unerringlywiththe equivalent shove as I do whenI fallinto a pit inone o fthose stupid dreams, whensaw himpeekingat me. He chuckled. You are thinking abou t the camps. Are you? he asked grinning. I nodded stiffly. Camping is fun, isnt it h e asked mused. That was the last thinghe should have asked. I have thousand genu ine reasons to argue that it is not. Not really. I managed to bringallthose reasons downto two words. Its honestlystupid to argue the campingcons witha guy. That knowledge is somethingI have earned ov er and over againinmylife at a coeducationalschool. Theyhave traded movie ina th eatre and shoppinginChandigarhfor scalingmountains, like a pure idiot onseveralo ccasions.

You dont like camping It wasnt a question. Or the adventures He looked fascinated by hat I said, for the reasons I know. His face was sucha distractionthat I tried n ot to look at it anymore thancourtesyabsolutelydemanded. A busydayfollowed after that. Tests and revisions. It surprised me that everyone knew it was second las t dayat school. Where was I? After coachingwe congregated inpinewood hall. Class 11 bargained the theatre for whole evening. Latest movies back to back, awesome idea. We bought insome tuck to have a movie like feel; lays, soda and pop corns and banked it ina corner for the cominghours. It was alreadymurkybefore turningoffthe lights. The dimlightni ngofthe hallwas similar to no lightning. I and Sara found ourselves a finickyspo t, close to the tuck. Lols. The row behind was accumulated byboys, withAdiexactl ybehind me. We shared a smile before I got comfortable. Medicalpreparationwas su relya toughjob, else there is no explanationto the fact that someone like me has nt watched a single movie inthe year of2006 untilJune, I meanfor six months, unbe lievable. I saw mypicture ona byproduct ofmyinsane imaginationA Wall of Shame. I fI tellthemthat I havent watched Rang De Basanti, theyllprobablydrownme inthe Broo ke. The whole schoolhas gone gaga about that movie; theyare suddenlypatriotic an d are keenonIndianissues. And I amtalkingabout people who dont know the name ofth e prime minister and the rulingparty. I callit RDBSyndrome. Everytime some ofthe movie freaks pass me theytellme Lose C ontrol. IfIlllose control, who the hellis goingto sit inthe entrance exam. I wonde r whats about that movie whichhas lead to a mass awakeninginyouth, not onlyofmysc hoolbut inthe whole nation. After fiddlingbetweenRand de Basanti and United 93, we decided to go for the first one first. Theyare proficient ofwatchingit over a nd over again.

The storyofthe group offriends, their bonding, the care free lifestyle theylead and good jokes were treated differentlyand slylyinthe movie. I found myselflaugh ingand enjoying. The fact pleased me that a life similar to their lied ahead ofm e, college and mauj masti. And Adias anadded benefit. But as the movie entered i ts climaxI started cryingso hard and relativelyvociferouslybecause I think I was watchingit for the first time. I knew boys behind were mockingme and I was tryi ngequallyhard not to cry, but one has to see that movie and be me to understand what was happening. I was lookingfor somethingto wipe mytears offwhenAdimutelypa ssed me his handkerchief. It was warmand smelled nice. I whiffed it before wasti ngits subtle fragrance. The warmthofthe hankymade me realize, that it was cold a nd mybare legs were almost freezing. I couldnt stop cryingevenafter the movie ended. Theyturned onthe lights for a qui ck intervalbefore headingto the next one; Sara disappeared for somethinggivingme a minute or two to get sober. The hankyweighed few kgs withthe added solvents a nd was wet enoughto be kept anywhere. I was foldingit whenAdicame to sit inSaras place. He must have noticed the goose bumps as he covered mylegs withhis blazer tuggingit around the corners. Are you okay? he asked without a sound, slightlysmiling. I was noddingas he said the words. I would have appreciated a better finale. I sighed I dont like sad ending s. He tugged a lose strand ofhair behind myear, sendinga jolt ofelectricitythroug hmybody. You have to see beyond the ending. Something that succeeds to prick your conscio us and alter your lifestyle is a happy ending. He explained sincerelyIsnt it? I dont know, I thought. Maybe I said doubtfully. We had a silent minute. Next movie start ed playing. He shook his head sideways, smilingreluctantlyI know you cant help it. But please try not to cry. I looked at himpuzzled. This movie will drain you of water, I can bet on that his lips twitched ina straig ht line, as United 93 played I am unable to hear anything, when you cry he said in a whisper. I didnt cease lookingat him, amazed. I wasnt cryingloudly, I was sobbing, strange it bothered him. He got up, sayingSara is here. Myheart sank evenifhe was goingles s thanhalfa meter awayfromme. I tried veryhard to not cry, lettingthe sorrow ach e inside mychest to the next flick. I felt relieved as the movie came to its end . We cleaned up the mess, leavingthe hallinendurable form. I paced slowlywalkingnext to Adi. I had myhead tilted to 60 degrees to talk to h im. He was taller to me but I think the difference was quite suitable. That was one thingthat I didnt have to worryabout. Thanks for it. It was cold I said handinghimhis blazer. That wasnt for your sake he replied, I could hear he was strugglingto use a lighter tone. He turned around t o face me. His erotic breathblew onmyface, makingme unconscious. No offence. But this skirt of yours is too small for your height. He said ina hard tone. I cant be lieve he thinks that ofmyskirt, thats the lengthiest skirt inthe whole senior dor m, it deserves some respect. Get your mum to fix it in coming break he snapped bef ore givingme a chance to saysomething. This isnt small Adi. I argued. I saw a shade ofanger crossinghis beautifulface. He bit his lip before answeringOne can see yo ur thighs in this thing when you sit. His situationwas humorous to me, for some r eason.What if I want one to see my thighs? I demanded playfully, thoughwithout a t race offuninmyvoice. The joke didnt help his situation. He looked into myeyes. I cantellhe was upset withme. Get this thing fixed he warned me againor Ill have to ki ll Ian. He turned around without waitingfor a replywalkingahead ofme. It took me a minute to find the connectionbetweenIanand myskirt. Why would Ian do that. He h as seen me when I used to wear one piece swimming costume. I said slightlylouder

for mynormaltone, catchingup withhim. He looked at me inumbrage. I cantellbyhis expressionthat he cankillIanjust for doingthat. This time I was scared. Consider it done I snapped before he could sayanything, walkingawayfromthe intensityofhis stare. My hanky. He asked raisinghis hand for one. I smiled hesitantly. Can I return it after washing? I blew my nose on it. I asked diffidently. It wasnt funnyto him. Nope he said impulsivelyYoucan keep me but not my hanky. I looked at h imconfused, whats so important about the hanky. I am superstitious about some stuf f. He paused before continuingThey say if you keep someones handkerchief you end up fighting. Oh-uh. I rethought for a second. Okay let me chuck it in your pocket an d put it in laundry without touching it once you get back to dorm. I instructed. He stood there reluctantlyconfused and irritated. Please. Its embarrassing for me. I almost pleaded. He shifted his blazer inone armand slightlyraised another arm, gesturingme to put it inhis pocket. I was disgusted to touchmyownused hanky, it was soaking. As I stood centimeters awayfromhim, touchinghis beautifulbody, the scent comingo ffbeneathhis face, fromsomewhere near his collar bone dazzled me. Ina quick seco nd I rose onmytoes and placed mylips onhis bare skinaround his neck. There is no pretense to how electrified I felt. Somethingtightened inmystomachas I kissed i t slightlybut desperately, tryingto make most ofthe time before he pushes me awa y. I could hear his heart racingas fast as mine. His skinwas smoothyet soft against mylips. It smelled like alcohol, alcoholmust taste like it too. Thats the reason people get addicted to it. It was anunbearable pleasure. Instead ofpushingme awayhis armtightened around mywaist. As his hand traced mysp ine movingup towards myneck, mydesperationgrew. His hand brushed throughmyhair, finallyreachingmyhead, he pulled myface up. Myface was so close to his that I co uld feelour deep breaths blending. It was just a matter ofa second and mylips co uld be onhis. Somethingthat I have always dreamt of. I could see the same starva tioninhis eyes, whichI could feelinmine. I made a move to cover that tinydifference left betweenhimand me, whenhe pulled me awaygentlybut withirresistible force, bymyhair, makingcertainit doesnt hurt. H e looked at me insistent; his face stilltoo close to mine his hand inmytresses, mylower lip quivered for a succinct instant prior he started talkingBehave Samiya . Why are you doing this? Isnt it hard enough for me already? I was stillbreathing anxiously. His voice turned the commiserationswitchinside me despite the physica lannoyance he has put me into. I didnt understand whyI wasnt allowed to feelhis an gellips against mine and ifit was erroneous whymybodywanted it so badly. But I d idnt know how to ask him. I am sorry I whispered tentatively, powerless to look awayfromhis marvelous marbl e lips. You should be. He said impulsively, looseninghis grip frommyhair, slightly movingaway. His beautystunned mymind it was too much, anexcess I couldnt grow acc ustomed to. Aadil it causes me physical pain when you push me away from you. I man aged to respond, smittenbyhis allure. You are sixteen. Its perfectly natural. Its puberty and raging hormones His voice was polite, controlled. He sounded more lik e a 40 year old gynae doctor rather thanmy17 year old boyfriend. No its not just t hat I tried disengagingmyselffromdizziness The feeling is intolerable. I cant expla in. Its like I want to eat you. If not all then most of the time. I saidas ifit wa s stillanunderstatement for mysituation. He smiled a surprisingimpishgrin. My very presence makes you intoxicated. I have to check on your heart every two seconds he said grinningthat playfulsmirk I am de finitely not healthy for you to eat. I was breathingheavily, that wasnt humorous t

o me. What about you? Arent you going through puberty? Dont you have raging hormone s? I asked harshly. He sighed. Why do you think I keep saying that its hard for me? You dont know what an emotiona l roller coaster it is. But still I have got my priorities in a right order. The part of me which wants to protect you is stronger than the part which is, what can I say, seventeen! he groaned again. What exactly do you mean when you say you want to protect me? I asked confused. T his concept was so foreignto me; I meanwhat harmit could possiblycause ifa girl wants to toucha boy. A boyofher dreams. His relieved expressionturned anxious, h e was thinkingsomething, whichgot me thinking. Its not exactly protecting you. Its more like protecting both of us. We are sevent een. He shook his head smilingwithout humor Actually technically not seventeen yet . You are sixteen and Ill be one too for about a month and a half. So anyways I t hink its too early for that. It isnt virtuous. Dont you want to be like a good kid fo r a bit longer? I amnot stupid, I know a part ofwhatever he is sayingis a lie or he is alteringt he legitimacy. I want you more than I want to be a good kid. I snapped arguingfor the sake ofit. It seemed that I was annoyinghim. Thoughhe stood there perfectlystill, lookingli ke his ownwaxfigure whichtotallydeserved a place inMadame Tussauds, for beingGal axies preeminent lookingguy. You are a silly girl, who lets her heart rule her body. Cant you just think with brain and not with estrogen, progesterone or that little amount of testosterone in your body? Actually they have failed to find a connection between libido and these hormones in women. But I am sure there is some. There has to be an explana tion for your wicked behavior. He was thinkingabout the issue, wholeheartedly. Oh so Amber and Raag are sinful and so is everyone out there in love. I said aggr essivelyinone breath. Of all the things you want to follow Amber and Raag on this one. He said ina disbelievingtone, agonized. Yes I do. I snapped unthinkingly. I s uddenlyrealized I didnt have anyidea whyI was arguing. I shook myhead to clear my thoughts. I cant believe you are making me beg to touch you. I almost said ina whis per, more to myself. He looked back inamazed irritation. Forget about the whole thing okay. And now even if you hang yourself upside down youll not get to have any kind of physical contact with me not a kiss, not a touc h, nothing I said dwellingonthe last word. A bitter sorrow flickered throughhis e yes before he turned humorous. He hasnt realized that I cansee more thanhe wants me to. Samiya I want to give you anything you want. I really do. But just be a bi t more realistic. He continued the argument anyways. Come what mayhe always has a nupper hand onme, he gets his ways effortlessly, allhe has to do is to trap me i nwords. Not this time Adi. I dont want anything else. But lets just forget about it . I dont want to talk about it anymore. I crossed himwalkingtowards the dininghall . It was hard soundingrational. He caught up withme. Fromcorner ofmyeye I could see himcontemplatingmyexpression . You are scorching right now. You know that? Even your hanky in my pocket is deh ydrated. He was tryingstifflynot to smile. Ha ha. Very funny. I couldnt speak normal lyyet. The dinner passed ina blur. It was difficult to believe that I could be so upset withhim. But that wasnt for long. The wayhis eyes looked at me, was a veryconvin cingpart ofthe dreamlike realityI was livingin. He loved me, inthat instance onl ythat mattered. That was enoughfor me; I didnt want himto want me like I wanted h

im. And I was happythat at least I appealed to himonsome level. I was his ladylo ve. Most ofthe times it was so easyto forget that Adiwas sick. Not because he seemed normalthananyone ofus but because his angeltemperament and manners made it impo ssible to believe the idea oflosingsomeone so heavenlyto somethinglike death. Bu t I knew the clock was ticking. The process was on. Somethinginside himwas inces santlysmoldering and that awareness to me was like inhalingflames. Thats exactlywhat I was dreamingthat night, himburningand me inhalingflames. I op ened myeyes and sighed inreliefto know that it was just a dream. I was curled up inmy bed, intertwined as muchas it was possible withhis thick warmjumper. I hat ed the newlydeveloped necessityofsmellinghim, feelinghimevenwhenI aminbed, as it was sort of ruiningthe different kind ofromance Adiwanted. But as it was, I cant help beinghuman. Myeyes flew open. I laygaspinginwarmbed for severalminutes, tryingto break free ofthe tangofhis jumper. The skyoutside mywindow turned grayand thenpale pink whi le I waited for Ms Gladys to show. WhenI was fullyaware that I canno longer be inbed, I got up and got dressed, hea dingdownto the breakfast. There was no gym. What a blessingbefore routingto a th ree day longgymclass. Thats what youget for studyingina mountaincoeducationalboar dingschool. That morning, I deliberatelysat as far as possible fromAdis seat. I d idnt want himto think that I have forgivenhimso easily; he would be tempted to ta ke mywords for granted if that happens. I was prepared to give hima silent treat ment. But whenhe didnt show up at the usualtime, I fumbled withthe spoonnervously , myeyes onthe door. I was frozenfor a second whenI realized he was standingnext to me, his lips sendinga wave ofpleasure throughmyear. Looking for me? he asked assertively. You wish. I said reassemblingmynow-tangled th oughts. He slipped into the seat next to mine. His eyes were wickedlyamused. You arent? I thought you forgave Me. he managed to ask severely. What made you think th at? I asked inamazed irritation. He was suppressinga smirk. You saying my name in bed all night. He said like listeningto someones sleep talks, miles awayis subsequ entlyregular. There goes myplanto act upset. ThoughI was pissed, but I couldnt he lp blushing. Honestly Aadil. I felt a thrillgo throughme as I said his name, and I hated it. I cant believe you dont give me privacy even when I am sleeping. His lips pressed into a hard line. Yeah thats fun for me, listening to my name in the middle of the night which sound ed as if was being called for help. And I get out of my bed and sit outside girls dorm whole night just to make sure that you are sleeping safely inside. It was entertaining; evading your privacy. Heavysarcasm. Anger flashed inhis cobalt eyes . I am sorry that was rude. I said too embarrassed to look into his eyes.You know s ometimes you are utterly absurd. He said ina low cold voice. I shrugged as ifit w as a compliment. Why were you calling me anyways? he glanced downat me, curiously. I sighed. I had a nightmare. So you were calling me for help? his eyes still, he wa s enjoyingthe idea ofme askingsomethingfromhimmore thanhe should. Not actually. Y ou were there and I was worried for your safety. I muttered, tryingto make it unt ailored. His eyes danced to the spooninmyhand. Oh I see. He paused, to look at me J ust for the record, you do that a lot. Call my name in sleep. So are they always ; nightmares? I hesitated. There has to be words to explainmypathetic situation. You come as a sweet dream or a nightmare. But either way I dont want to wake up. B ecause its you that I am seeing. I whispered tryingto maintainwhat sanityI could a s he leaned closer to me. I wasnt verysuccessful. I wish that you wake up in my ar ms each morning. That way you wont be in a dilemma. His tone was frantic, he reall ywished that. I wishthat too. Why were you late for breakfast today? I asked inter rogatively, hopingit has nothingto do withhealthor medication. I was on phone wit

h dad. He said holdingthe door for me. I walked out into the cold, fine mist that had just begunto fall. It felt nice- the constant moisture fallingout ofthe sky as it washed myface clean. He held his book over myhead as I gripped a fistfulof his shirt staggeringalongsideways across the wet sidewalk walkingtowards the cla ss. Is everything okay? I stared at him, throughthe rain, he was alreadystudyingme . Maybe he was wonderingwhat it is about me and rain. Yup he answered distracted Th ey were about to board their flight. Somethingtightened inmystomachonthat knowledge. His parents were ontheir wayto K asauli. Adis parents. Theywere not the kind ofparents youencounter ondayto day ba sis. Theyand their sonwere almost celebrities and I was prettyaverage evenfor an average person. Headymust have told themabout me, I guess how theyllreact whenthe yll finallyget to see me. Amazed or furious, I cant think ofanythingbetter thantha t. Evena blind personcanpoint out substantialdifferences betweenme and Adi. I wi shthat Adi somehow decides not to introduce me to themthat would be the most con venient setting. Will they be staying for the whole month? I failed soundingsubtle. Pretty much. Da d has things to do at Central research institute in Kasauli he responded, a littl e amused. He smiled faintlyHe finds stuff to do anywhere he goes. You just have t o say the word research to get mum started. She is the biggest criticizer of dads e fforts. Isnt that a good thing, I mean to be keen for knowledge? Mytone was reproach ful. You dont know dad. He gets very occupied and mum feels neglected. She always has a tough time with me and dad around. She thinks I am like him too. I dont think so.I insisted You pay a lot of attention to me. His certainface said more thanhis words. You are the only exception he said genero uslyAnyways thats good that she has Olivia and Oliver now. Does that make a differe nce? EvenwithAdiaround I crave for Sara attentionand time. No one personcanmake u p for the other one. Your heart and time swells at every additionto your life, i ts strange how these things work. The color ofmud, the little sunshower fromamon gst the clouds and the damp trees and the gorgeous view ofthe mountains was love ly. I liked the wayhe looked up inthe raina little, he wasnt afraid ofgettingwet init, he was enjoyingit. His hair was burnishingwiththe wetness, he shook his he ad enteringthe class, the little moisture that came incontact withmyface, tickle d myskin. Mr. Pandeywas alreadythere so we got settled quietlyina seat bythe win dow. I didnt miss a chance to glance out to watchthe rainstreamacross the window inlittle rivulets; the wayit trickled downwas somehow amazingto me. Why do you like rain so much? he finallyasked surrendering, failingto find one hi mself. It was impossible to think ofa single reason, while staringback into his blue eyes, whenusuallythere is hundreds ofit. But naturally, he wouldnt rest unti lId give himone. I love the smell and the taste of it. I shrugged. It doesnt matter t o you if you are inside or outside, you are into it. He stated confused. Rain is opposite to nothing, its something that makes me feel life. And rainy days are perfect for listening music. It also reminds me a lot of moments. And wheth er its sad or happy I like to relive the past. I sighed, staringdownat myhands fid dlingwitha piece ofmyhair. Tell me of your rainy memories. He fired off.You sure? T here are heaps of them. I felt embarrassed to share evenfew ofthem; he willprobab lydie ofboredom.I have all the time in the world he said, his face somber as ifhe has suddenlynothingelse to do thento listento me. Okay. First of all my mum told me when I first left the hospital as a baby in her lap it was raining. Though the data has never been historically verified still it makes me feel closer to my mum. Secondly the first day my parents left me her e at school it was raining and it washed away my tears. And I was crying and pre tending that its raindrops. That rainy day changed my life forever. I swallowed. An d then there were days when me and Sara used to hold each other tightly, scared as it rained heavily and the storm would be near. I have read hundreds of story bo

oks to Niya sitting in the dorms huge window in rainy re myhappy memories. He was listeningto me, keepinghis verynonfamiliar way. I couldnt remember the last time is withanyone. It was a pleasure to see how he coveted t detailofmyexistence.

evenings. I smiled, these we eyes intact onmyface ina Id talked about stufflike th to know everyinsignifican

You know this day today is also added to my book of rainy memories. Why? he raised a brow.Because you are sitting next to me. I said flushing. Myface revealed too cl earlyhow fixated I was. He started after a short pause You will like Tutenendo in Columbia. It is the wettest place on Earth. Have you been there? I asked leaningforward ontable, myeyes curious. I was always keento hear more about places and travels; theyfascinated me. Maybe because I di dnt get myfair share onthem. He nodded slightly, smiling, glaringdownat me Youll love the constant rhythmic ta pping on the roof he said witha promise. Myeyes danced as I wondered inmyownwonde rland, it sounded nice. Where else have you been? I asked distracted and suddenlyr emembered that primarilyhe is a resident ofAmerica, Ohio Is America beautiful? I f urthered. I have seen most of Europe, Asia and Australia. He smiled And for parts of America I dont have words. Youll have to see it for yourself. He murmured lookingat meobsc ured. His voice was thoughtfulas ifhis mind were somewhere far away. Oh! I answered tryingto hide the melancholy, I wasnt sure ifIllever get to see that part ofthe world. He glanced at me for a briefsecond Is there any particular pla ce you want to visit on this planet? he asked his mind alreadywondering. I smirke d crookedlyYeah I have few on mind. Tell me? he commanded incuriosity. I smirked, wh at I was about to tellhimwas totallybarmy, but myinsaneness is not new to him. Adi for me its my novels which connect me to the world outside these walls. I ha ve always wanted to follow the footsteps of my favorite characters to discover t he places that I have always known but obviously never visited. I want to see Fo rks, a small town in America which is Bellas town in Twilight, I want to see Hamp shire, town of Jane Austen and persuasion, I want to see the part of America whi ch Nicholas Spark talks about, I want to see Jhang and Takht Hazara, the towns o f Heer and Ranjha. I sighed You know I have felt the strangest of feelings, I have walked through the woods under those clouds, the secrets of those towns. Its lik e a dream when I am aware that I am dreaming. Like a lucid dream. I want to see th em for real. He sat insilence, waitingfor me to saymore, finallygivingup. You know you have al ways lived in the place of my childhood fantasies. He said disparagingly. I looke d at himconfused. The dense forests, the wild life, hidden rivers he smiled conten tedly Home of Rusty and blue umbrella. Ahh. I laughed. Kasauli, home of Ruskin Bond , home of Samiya Mittal. I leered, myeyes gleaming. He smiled tracingthe rimofthe greengemstone placed inthe gold band onmypinkyfinger withhis finger. Ms Anjaligave us the list ofthings to pack for the camps. We were supposed to le ave at sixnext morningso the task had to accomplishbefore dinner today. ThoughI was never givena choice but I stillregret for not speakingup a word against the whole campingshit. I hate the camp buzzand it was goingto be one ofthose days. IfI was allowed Illpr efer stayingback and sleepingin, I dont mind everyone leavingme back here. But I have to admit Illreallyappreciate iftheycanleave Adibehind. After lunchwe went st raight to dorms after that. Mrs. Gladys opened the store roomand we hunted for o ur sleepingbags, we pulled out our casuals fromtrunks for the campfire night whe nwe are allowed to bringthemto use. I laid allmytoiletries, bathtowels, under ga

rments, watch, blanket, track suites, shoes, raincoat, medicines, and sanitaryna pkins on the bed checkingand crossingeachone onthe list. I made a note to ask Mrs. Anjali to carrymycorticosteroid injectionincase I get a severe attack, whichis most unl ikely. I looked at myhoodies and jeans halfheartedlypackingmynebulizer and salbu tamolinjections. Theyare verytomboyish; I wishI had somethinggirlyto wear. I kno w thats a new one but its for Adis sake not mine. I threw infew novels inthe bagas precautionarymeasures incase I get a sprained ankle or a muscle pull. These kind s ofthings happento me a lot at campingtrips, especiallybefore rock climbingand foxflying. I dont want to be a drama queen, but hellit saves me a lot ofsnag. It took me no more thananhour to sort out everything. We moved allthe packed bag s into the corner ofthe roomand hurdled ontwo consecutive beds. It was sort ofth e last day together before vacations. As everyone talked ofthe last three months some grievances, some happymoments, some confessions and some apologies came ou r way. Honestly, I dont remember anythingexcept for Adifor this whole period. But not for a single second I wished to have noticed somethingelse except for him. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me. His memories are the ones I wish to cherish , his memories are the ones that cant be tempered. We slept in, the whole eveningafter our longtiringtalk session. Myeyes opened to the pastylight ofthe moonflowinginthroughthe openwindow. That w as the onlylight inthe dorm. The cottoncurtains borderingparallelsides ofthe pan e danced to the coolbreeze blowingoutside. It wasnt rainingbut it smelled ofdrizz le. Precipitationalways has that after effect. And I canhear the river, hiddenin the obscurityofthe forest. I curled and watched the clouds travelinthe skyand th e moonplayinghide and seek. This same moonwiththat tinyguidinglight was shiningo ver Adis window too. I sank deep into the warmthofthe quilt and murmured Adi if you are listening, li sten carefully. Open your heart, for my whispers in the night always. Ill come to you through a cold breeze; feel me on your face. See the moon glow, up in the n ight sky and get the message I have sent through my soul. Listen to the water of the Brooke, its my voice. Feel the rain, pouring down its the memories Ill leave y ou behind. Ill come to you, in many different ways, even if I disappear one day. I laythere thinking. Wishingthat allthis happens, wishingto staynear to himevena fter leavingsome day. Finallyeveryone was awake, the night lights glowed and thu s it was time for another meal. The time lapse betweenthe meetings withAdiwas ne arlyappropriate; I dont think it would be easyfor me to take more thanthat. It was relaxingto sit withSara todayat dinner. She was onabout the campingwithbo ys, leavingme free to think undisturbed. Myprince charmingslipped into the chair next to mine apathetically. His hair was muddled, his eyes sleepybut stillhe lo oked cuter thanI have remembered himto be. He glared at me for a longmoment and thensomethingoccurred to himbelatedly. Thanks for the quotes but what made you th ink that you are leaving me? I was so confused, unprepared for this. I thought he wouldnt be able to listenthat far. I didnt mean it. I just said them in sub consci ousness. I said whenI cancontrolmyvoice. ThoughI wanted to tellhimthat he must no t have noticed but I ammortal. Well then congratulations. Cause you got yourself a poem there for the recital co mpetition. That was lovely. He said. His face softened and I swear I saw the blue changinginhis eyes. It was absolutelyridiculous but I was feelingdizzyjust like the first dayI saw him.

I couldnt concentrate and he was waitingfor myresponse.I dont remember it. I sighed. He raised his hand, hesitant, conflict raginginhis eyes, and thenswiftlybrushed the lengthofmycheekbone withhis fingertips. His skinwas icy, but the trailhis fi ngers left onmy skinwas alarminglywarm- like Id beenburned, but didnt feelthe pain ofit yet.I do. He murmured. It was quiet for a while but somethingstronger thanbut terflies battered recklesslyagainst the walls ofmystomach. I couldnt eat properlyfor some reason. Finish your dinner. He grasped without looki ngat me whenI was leaving. His grip was too tight, so mychances ofescapingwere next to zero. I sat back rel uctantly. He pulled myplate closer and sprinkled some salt onthe curry, filled m e a bowlof yoghurt. Now dip the chapatti in curry and yoghurt and eat it with oni on salad. He suggested inhis usuallow calmvoice. I sat there frozenfor two second s. Eat. He repeated dwellingonthe word. I like a robot did exactlywhat was demande d ofme. I have no idea what it was like, allI cantaste was his concern. As the d ensityofpopulationinthe mess was diminishingAdisat there makingsure I finishdinn er and Sara sat onthe other side makingsure I dont stop to talk to Adiafter dinne r. There cant be a more gauche situationthanthat. Thoughbeinga sluggisheater I tr ied to gulp downreallyquick. See you tomorrow. Adisaid politelyas we stood outside the mess. See ya. I murmured myvoice too low for Sara to hear. Good Night Sara. He wished Sara crookedly. She s cowled. That was her usualreplyto everythingthat Adisaid. And yet we woke up to another cold dayinthe valleyit was stilldark. I took a sup er hot shower, to get me awake, the whole roomgot steamyand whenI walked out the steamrose offmybody. I lost track oftime inthe shower, but it was definitely ti me wellspent. Dressed inwarmclothingwithour back packs onour backs we marched do wn. Boys were alreadyinthe bus. Headyand Ms Dhawanwere there for a formalsee off . Kitchenattendants were handinginthe packed hot food. We were allowed to carryt hemas it was too soonfor breakfast. I followed Sara into the bus whichsaid Ashok Leyland onthe side pallet. Three sides ofthe bus were covered withlarge transpa rent glasses and the Saturncurtains bordered it graciously. The seats looked comfortable withsoft lea ther coverings and ample legspace. There was a colorfulLCD displayat the front d oor, which usuallyplays the movies depictingthe scenic beautyofHimalayas onmute for us at trips like this one. Inthe chaos ofsettlingdownmyeyes scanned the male huddle for Adi. My head automaticallyturned as someone set guitars strings inmot ion. I heard a fundamentalvibrationand thenthe overtones. Adiwas playingwiththe strings to get myattention. He was leaningcasuallyagainst the side ofthe seat; h is breathtakingface looked veryfresh. I waved at himina peculiar sense ofrelief. Since the dayhe disappeared without informing I always have a moment ofdoubt everymorning, unsure ifIllget to see himor not. The bus was exceptionallylarge. Thoughpeople were clustered together but I amsur e eachone ofus canstillhave a window seats to ourselves ifwe dispersed. Sara bei ngtaller fixed allthe girls backpacks inthe luggage rack and I grabbed out a nove land a blanket before handingher mine. I took one ofthe available seats and push ed mynovelinto the magazine holder. I fiddled withthe pamphlets inthe holder for a moment before restingback. I glazed out ofthe large glass pane and saw headyw aving. I waved back shyly. Ms Anjaliand Mr. Mathur climbed onthe bus and the tour coordinator closed the bu s door. The bus started movingleisurely. Once everyone was intheir seats theytur ned offthe lights. I amnot sure ifSara was sittingwithme or not because as her u sualtendencyshe disappeared after everyfew seconds. I covered myselfwitha blanke

t and stared out ofthe window. We were chasingthe orange luminosityofthe head li ghts, the onlyilluminationoutside. It was dark but there was immense peace intha t serenity. I loved the waythe vehicles rolled, leavingbehind somethingstrikinga nd givinganoptimismto witness somethingmore incredible onthe way. Ifyouask me, travellingis the onlypart I enjoyincampingtrips. Renuka Lake is 132 Kms fromKasauli, so unfortunatelyit wont be a verylongtravel. Everyone was awake and talking, I could hear Adifiddlingwithhis guitar strings. Someone suggested Play it loud Adi. Lets play. And suddenlya wave ofenthusiasmtrave lled alongthe lengthofthe bus and I noticed severalheads turningaround. You play the guitar and well figure out the song. Can I start? Sara asked her voice impious. Rasna threw aninvisible mike to her. She caught hold ofit and started Ill do somet hing original. She publicized. I leaned downfromthe corner ofthe seat to look at the back. Adismiled at me before startingplaying. The tone was too loud and wild , it didnt strike but I knew that tune from somewhere. Sara caught it and she started We have an American Idiot. Thrown out of his nation for being a faggot. She was referringto AdiI surmised mendingGreen Days songAmericanIdiot. He didnt stop playingand laughinghis enchantinglaughs. Sar a continued her nonsensicalbullshit. But I have to admit that sounded extremelyh ilarious and I couldnt stop laughingeither as everyone joined her inshoutingAmeri canIdiot. Adibowed downinthe end to his audiences as ifhe felt muchhonored. I cl apped inaudiblyto his patience. He thenstarted withanother song, that was aneasypick too, one ofmy favorites. Just the right songfor the trip like these ones; Bryan Adams, summer of 69. Everyone sangalongas he played. Theydidnt allow himto change the song, and for a longlongtime we were singingOhand whenI look back now, that seems to last forever, and ifI had the choice, Ya- Id always wanna be there, those were the be st days ofmylife, summer of69. That singingseemed unendingso I rested back smiling, takingout the novel, I remo ved myshoes and crossed mylegs rearrangingmyblanket. I swiftlyturned to the chap ter 8 of Twilight book. The pale morninglight ofa new daywas appropriate enoughf or reading. It didnt took me longto travelfromthe realworld to the book world and I was suddenly oblivious ofthe surroundings. Ifit wasnt for the smellofhis breat hthat wakes up mysick obsessionand works like a drugI would have never noticed h imsittingnext to me.

He smiled inamazement as I looked up at him. His eyes flickered betweenmybook an d myface Not again. He sighed. Just two more pages? I pleaded, Bella was inmiddle of the crisis, I desperatelywanted to know how it ends, doesnt matter ifI have read it already. Which page are you on? he asked dubiously. Page 73. There are hardly fo ur pages left for the end of the chapter. I insisted. Before I could begmore he i nterrupted and started recitingA group of four men turn around I looked at himinbew ilderment as he narrated the whole chapter. He finallycame to a stop. Do you want to hear more? he questioned, tryinghard not to make a face please dont say yes. He added Its embarrassing, narrator is a girl. So what do you want me to do? I smiled.Ta k to me. he suggested winking, takingthe book fromme.What do you want to talk abou t? I said restingmychinonthe hand and myelbow onthe hand rest. Your parents. They travel a lot. That was a question. Yes they have to. I realized I have never told himwhat mydad does for living. Anin formationthat sets your primaryidentityamongst your friends and that somethingis considered important onmyside ofworld. My dad owns a business of electric water geysers and washing machines by name of Kulwant enterprises. He travels sixmonth s an year doing marketing and stuff. I explained. I wished he doesnt press for any other informationbecause I didnt have any. So who else do you have in your family? he asked. Its just my parents and Niya. I dont have any uncles and aunts on dads sid

e; I just have one uncle, mamas brother. I watched himlistencarefullyBut we are not close to him and my maternal grandparents. I smiled cautiouslyor you can say I am not very close to them. How about your dads parents? he asked warily. They died few years ago. I said ina calmbut unpleasant tone They lived two houses away from ours and I remember spending more time at their place than mine. My grandfather had been sick, he had two heart attacks and we were actually prepared for him to lea ve. But the painful thing was that my grandmother died the same day my grandpa d ied. I always noticed that she looked at grandpa with a strange feeling of love but I never realized, not until I was kid that her life was actually twisted int o a single strand with grandpas. If he was gone so was she. That was the core ru le of the game. I said ina feelingofguilty, because I had to admit that it please d me ina petulant waythat people were connected that way. How did she die? I dont know what Post mortem revealed but everyone in my family bel ieves that she willingly left her human form. She departed sitting in the prayer room of her house. I told himthe same storythat I overheard at their funeral, me and myparents never talked about it. She had psychic abilities I explained she was very close to God. She had this religious keertan everyday at her place for as long as I remember. And people who werent even related to her came to touch her f eet. They believed her blessings can do miracles. He listened to me contently. That was funnythat two people fromthis century, peo ple ofscience, people ofreasonwere evenindulginginsuchtalk. What do you think? he asked quietly, readingmyface. For the first time I was thinkingabout what I felt ofher mysterious abilities. I think the power lies in the blessings itself not i n the one who gives them. As I spoke I felt more peacefulpeople misunderstood. I agr ee. He smiled. We bothstared out ofthe window at the same time as driver pulled i nto anopenspace at a smalldhaba. He parked there and turned offthe bus. Ms Anjal iannounced that we can use the rest rooms here ifwe want to. I turned around to meet his gaze Tell me ab out your family. I insisted. Something except that your father is a famous surgeon andyour mum is a greek. And that they met in Singapore for a conference and got married soon. I smiled winkingTell me something that I dont know of. He smiled vaguelytwitchinghis eyes; he knew that I had intentionallygained that knowledge fromdifferent sources. Get ready for some history then. He teased. I hope you dont feel asleep listening. I glared at himinconfusion. Dad is a royal descend ant. His great great grandfather Amar Pal Singh Rathore was the first Rathore Ra jput to migrate to Rani, a small town in Rajasthan almost 150 years ago from Nadol village. He was descendant of Rathore Dynasty. The Gorwar r egion comprising of 102 villages was a part of their administration. My great gr andfathers used to export in those days to Japan and other countries, and were t he only civilians to supply parachute ribs to the navy. After some time India be came a free nation and all the administration system was replaced by the governm ent of India. Dad says my grandfather was a magnetic personality and people of G orwar region worshiped him as God. He donated all his palaces and forts to the c ommunity and kept only the palace, the home he lived in. Today the majority of t he land called Rajput Mohalla proves history of Rathore Royal Family which is sp read across nearly 8 Lakh square feet. He rolled his eyes comingto a pause Still a wake haan? I looked at himastounded; this personalitynext to me was component ofroyalbloodl ine ofRajasthan. He is not a hypotheticalversionofmyprince charming, he actually is prince charming. I have beenso engaged, I hadnt ever thought ofthat as a poss ibility. WithAdieverydayyoufound out somethingnew, everythingabout himwas so ama zing. There was so muchto think through, so muchI stillwanted to ask. Do you stil l have that palace, your grandfathers home? I asked fantasizingthe dazzlinghalls, the reflective marble floors; gems carved into the walls, the lovelygardens, in

briefa set ofSanjayleela Bansalis Devdas. Yeah in Rani. When I was in Mayo we spent vacations there, I dont think it would be possible anymore. Who lives there? I asked dubiously.Caretakers. Caretakers. I won der how many of them are there, how huge is that thing. Dont you have any uncles? H is eyes darted to myface fromunderneathhis longblack eyelids. My dad had an elder brother. He died young. He answered under his breath. I am sorry. I said apologizi ngto touchthat topic. No dont. I never saw him. I know nothing about him. They say that my family was c ursed by some lady whose son died in prison for a crime which she think he didnt commit during Amar Pal Singhs rule. Some say that she cursed that the successor o f the throne will die young and some say the curse was on the elder son of the f amily. But since our family has witnessed quite a number of untimely deaths. What do you think? I asked, myattentiondivided as I repeated his words inmybrain. D ad says that the legends came in after few deaths took place, so they are all wo rked up stories. But I believe that there could have been this woman who lost he r only son, she was no witch she was a broken mother who had every reason to cur se a ruler who didnt do her justice. I believe a curse of a helpless person is a very powerful weapon of destruction. So he believed the mythwas true. I agree. I said mused. Thats what mygrandmother us ed to say. Does your family still have the titles the royal people have? I asked m omentarilyunconscious ofwhat I was askingNo my dad gave up the title. It wont trav el in the family any more. Oh I said unable to sayanythingelse.So is that palace of yours is a real palace? I asked fascinated.Sort of. He answered wonderinghimself. I looked at himinbewilderment hopingto hear more. Its been renovated to provide mod ern facilities but it still has that royal charm. His eyes glittered and his lips curved into the shape ofa sliced water melon. Will you take me there someday? He didnt reply. That made me feelembarrass. What would you like to do, if you were to spend a day in that place? he asked distractingme. I didnt think for a second bef ore answeringIll take pictures all day of every corner of the palace. He smiled Thats exactly what my mum did when she visited it for the first time. He laughed againDad says it was very funny because to him that was his home, where h e grew up and she was acting weird as if it was a tourist spot. We bothlaughed, i t did sound funny. You know I have a room there packed with my stuff from Mayo. B ut mostly it has the canvases on which I tried to paint you each day of my vacat ion. Few had your eyes and few your lips, never got it right completely he smiled I am no painter. he shrugged. Everythingfellsilent for a moment. I have realized allthe memories ofhis past are mostlythe memories ofthat angel, he thinks was me . I felt petite and terrible inthat position. All that waiting, that longingand allhe gets is me. Thats reallyunfair. Adioblivious ofthe pityI felt for himshared more informationonhis royalfamilywhile I listened mutely. Time passed more quicklythanI have realized. We were goingparallelto the actualR enuka Lake after few false alarms. I followed Adis glare to look out ofthe window , as it appeared the settingwas spectacular. Evenat this time ofthe year the who le place was deserted. The bus was goingdownona steep road and after few curves and turns we came to a stop. AllI cansee were the plains witha blue edge, the li ne where skyand the silent water ofthe lake meets bordered bylushgreenvegetation . While Adiand Sara helped everyone withtheir backpacks, I wore myshoes and got down. There was a significant difference betweenthe inside and outside temperatu res. Evenifit was a bit cold the ambience and the smellofdew, ofwater and ofJungles that bordered the plains and ofa lovelymorningwas ecstatic. The nationwas inmiddle ofthe summer seasonbut int his part

ofthe world like everymorning, this morningwas covered withmistywinter haze. I s aw a goldenEagle float gracefullyover the lake. Watchingthe motionofanEagle inth e mountains is perhaps one ofthe most peacefuland inspiringmoments ofmylife. The re were two cemented huts built where the plains ended and the Jungles began. Fe w tents were alreadyplaced onthe opposite side ofthe plains. I realized we were not the sole visitors here. A middle aged man, someone who looked like a localca me rushingtowards our bus, comingto anabrupt stop besides me, I directed himtowards Mr. Mathur. He worked f or the teamwho organized camps and was there to help us. The wayhe walked, his b ack a little tilted and his head bowed was a permanent mannerismoftypicalhimacha lihospitality. As everyone started comingout, I climbed back to get myrucksack. Myhappymoment didnt last longas inthe bus I found Adiand Sara ina terrible argume nt. I was stuck inbetweenfor a moment before I had to shout at bothofthemor youc an callit a request ina slightlylouder thanmynormaltone. I knew Sara must have b egunthe argument but I have realized that Adiis not verygood to her either. I ha ve caught him talkingto her obliquelyand inironyonmanyoccasions. This was not one ofthe readymade campingsites. And we had to spend next two hour s settingtents. Boys helped Mr. Mathur to unload the bags ofamenities and food a nd to stock theminone ofthe tents, our temporarylunchroom. We unpacked our sleepingbag s inside the tents and transferred hayfroma huge pile near the bus to the tents to add comfort and warmthto the sleepingbags for the night to come. The cemented huts were the rest rooms, as girls unpacked their toiletries I went for a loo b reak. As I entered, a sturdyodor ofphenylwedged me insnout. The floor ofthe bath roomwas damp, I carefullywalked in. Despite the cracks inplaces and lack ofrenov ationthe restrooms were neat and wellkept. I totallyunaware ofanyones presence inside the roomina suddenfright got a little imbalanced and slipped to hit myhead inthe wallwhenI notice a tiny creature sittingonthe corner ofthe lengthyshelfborderingthe mirror. The pain, th e presence ofthat creature and the embarrassment, everythingsort ofoverlapped an d I felt dizzy. The creature was a little girlshe came rushingto me ina quick se cond and rubbed her tinylittle hand onmyforehead to soothe the pain. Thanks. I am okay. I murmured blushing, her little hand was warmagainst myskinbut to mydismaythat was not enoughto soothe the pain. She didnt cease the movement of her hand. I repeated, embarrassed to use so muchenergyofone tinylittle personI a m okay. She slowed downand reluctantlypulled her hand back to shift the book she was hol dinginother hand. Whenthe dizziness faded myeyes met witha cute little face, sma lleyes, a snub nose and lips placed ona fair smoothskinlike a ribbonbow. Her fea tures depicted that she was no foreigner; she belonged to these mountains origin ally. Her short black hair resembled Saras. I wondered ifshe was related to that middle aged man, the helper. Her little bodywas leaningover mine and her eyes curious. I am okay I repeated fo r the third time, hopingshe willgive me roomto get up. I realized whenI spoke sh e stopped blinkingand concentrated onmylips. She was deafmaybe. I was stillwonde ringhow to ask whenshe got up. I straightened myself, myhead stillaching, and halfofmybodyfelt soggy, myback wa s wet now. As I turned around to check myback inthe mirror I caught her smiling. She looked evenprettier whenshe smiled. FlushingI picked her inmyhands and rest ed her onthe shelfshe was formerlysittingon. Stillher face reached myshoulders. I bowed down a little and said thank you , enunciatingmakingit easyfor her to read

mylips incase she was deaf. She shied and moved her hand into somewhat semicirc ular motion, Iinterpreted she was tryingto sayyoure welcome. I felt sad and battled withthe urge to Hughher. I wanted to make a talk but the fact that I had no knowledge ofsignlanguage made it troublesome. I used the rest roomand left wavingher goodbye, repeatingThank you over and over again. I walked b ack to the tents withmyhand pressed against myhead. It was stillaching. Ms Anjalisaw me What happened? she asked. As soonas she said that I thought ofpla yingthat up and use it as anescape pass for at least a day. I slipped in the bath room. My head hit the wall. I said sighingboguslyI had a previous concussion. I fe el like its bleeding. She checked myhead, to find nothingwrong. Ofcourse. Does tha t hurt? She asked makinga terrible face. I nodded stiffly. I feel dizzy. We are abou t to leave for trekking honey. What do you want me to do? she looked confused. I knew Illhave to playit up a little before bringingup the realdeal. A pain killer will do for the pain. But I dont know why I feel woozy. Hope they ha ve rest rooms on the way in case I want to throw up. I verywellkept up the remors efulmumbling. Her eyes flew openand she staunchher nose a little. She was though tfulfor a second I guess it will be better if you stay back and rest. I think you will be fine in few hours. We are supposed to take off for biking after trekkin g but we can come back for you, if that sounds okay. She said talkingto herselfat the same time. Biking, I do feelsick now.No please you dont have to do that for m e. Ill be back in shape by tomorrow and I wont miss on any fun. I sighed. You sure honey? Her head tilted a little as she held myhands inempathy; to her I w as makinganenormous sacrifice. What kind of freaks these people are? Escaping Bi king, Sacrifice? Are you kidding me? I nodded faintly; actingdistressed, not less not more, just the accurate amount.I will ask Babu to give you your lunch. He is the care taker here. You rest, okay ? I gave another nod, highlypleased withmyself.Everything that happen happens for good, I smiled whenshe walked away. Adiwas standingat foot ofmytent, smirking. Ofcourse he heard that. I glared at him. It wasnt easy- I knew that he knew that I was lying. I tried to walk past but he lifted a hand to stop me. Concussion? he said, flashinghis brilliant teeth. He had a quick peek onmyhead. He smirked agai nNautanki. He said inhis appealingvoice. That thing really hurts. I said, throwinga scowlat him. EvenifI amlyingI dont like beingcalled a liar and that does hurt, ev enifa little. His smile fainted Really? he said politelyYou take care of yourself t hen. Now I felt guilty. I cant make myselfhappyeither way. Here have my I pod. He sa id pullingout anapple I pod fromhis blazers pocket It has few good songs to kill t ime he smiled smugly. I flinched and took it hesitantly. Dont go very close to the lake. And I can hear roars from the west side of the Jun gle. Babu will lit the fire as the sun sets but still stay in the tent once it s tarts getting dark. He stared at me incredulously; his face was tense depictinga shade ofmaturity. Wild animals dont scare me, biking does, I thought to myself. I wanted to assure himthat I feelverysafe right now.I dont think Ill be able to hear you after a while. His jaw hardened Try to be safe, please. He knew that I have th is strange attractionto jungles, but this wasnt the safest zones, I get it. Lookingat his incredible face I almost cursed myselffor beingsucha drama queen. Cant I trek and ride a stupid bike to be withhim. I wanted to go too, I wanted to be with him. But instead ofsayingsomethingI nodded grumpily. Well, not everything happens for good. Have fun. I sighed. Ill try to. He promised, smiling. He touched myface, lightlybrushingalongmycheekbon e, thenturned and walked away. I stared after himuntilhe was gone, untilallofthe

m were gone. Whenthe sore feelingofbeingleft alone finallyended, I walked into t he tent sulky. I dropped onto the pile ofhayand stretched mylegs, restingthe I p od onmybellyI miss you already I whispered, wishinghe wasnt listening. I like anidiot waited for quite some time, for himto show out ofthinair. Whenit became impossibilityI gave up. I became a bit more comfortable, removingmyshoes and putting the earphones onmyears, fiddlingthroughthe songs. The music didnt hel p. I couldnt stop missinghimand I had a helllot ofsleep yesterday, so sleep wasnt goingto come to me naturally. A verysillythought occurred to me. I alreadyhad pe rmissionfor a painkiller fromMrs. Anjali; two ofthemwould be enoughto knock me o ut for good eight hours. I hastilypulled out the headphone and walked out ofthe tent to grab medicines. InmyrushI bumped into someone and almost staggered witha near heart attack for second time in one day. The mancaught me too quickly. I am sorry he said. Despite sayingsomethingI looked at himconfused, steadyingmyself. I am the teacher from Josephs School. He said embarrassed I am here with my boys. He said pointingtowards the other end ofthe plains, to the previous tents. There wa s more life at that side thanthis morning, Josephschoolboys crawled allover the place and a bus similar to ours was parked onthat side as well. I came to say in hi. If we knew that you guys were coming we might have cancelle d our rafting trip this morning to help you set up He yanked it allinone breath. T hats really kind of you sir. I said obliged but we managed pretty well. Good Good he aid regaininghis confidence, stirringhis neck inalldirections.Everyone is out for trekking. Theyll be back at around six. I informed. He narrowed his eyes at me. I was a little sick so I stayed back. I hissed under mybreath. He wasnt myteacher, I didnt have anyreasonto be scared ofhim, but for some unknownreasonI was. Oh his ex pressionsoftened I and my boys will be around for a while, and then we will be le aving for sight seeing. Dont hesitate if you need anything. He offered. I thanked himbefore he left. Everyschoolhas a peculiar trait whichmakes it stand out fromothers. Some are kno wnfor academic achievements, a few are excellent insports, manyare just knownfor a homely environment, Josephs schoolis knownfor its too true stereotypes ofa cam pus fullofspoiled richkids. Drugs, alcohol, weapons, youname it, theyhave it. It has nothingexcept for oddities and drawbacks. I wonder what kind ofparents send their kids into environment like theirs. Anyways I deliberatelyswallowed two brufens and didnt have to wait longfor the dr ugs to kick in, I gladlysank into unconsciousness. 9. DEMONI woke up to a faded light. And as I twisted and turned inmyhaybed mystomachgrowled, I have skipped o ntwo meals together. I was hungry. I peeked out ofmytent to see the orange set o nthe dark blue water ofthe lake. A chillybreeze send shiver downmyspine. There w as not a single personinsight. I changed into mynight suite and wrapped my mums p ashmina shawlaround me, grabbinga noveland a book light I stepped outside. Flick ingonthe bulb that hungina hazardous conditionoutside the tent, I started huntin gfor food inallthe boxes, finallysettlingfor a pack ofsandwiches. I wanted to ge t out ofthe tents, but there was nowhere I was allowed to go. Mybodyonits ownang led towards the ever encroachingforests. It didnt take longto find out where exactlythe greenand the orange met. I stopped few yards awayfromthat line. The d ark water ofthe lake was almost invisible but the sound ofsquishofducks onwater and the suddensounds suchas one fishrunninginto another marked its presence. I s pread mypashmina ona stone and sat downonit, enjoyingthe sandwich. The valleywas secluded but enchantingshieldingthis lake whichwas once believed to be portrayi nga sleepingwomaninRig- Vedic period. It is extremelygentle and feminine inspiri t and form. Perhaps that is

whythousands offishstayinside her without anyfear ofbeingkilled bypeople. I open ed mybook, clipped the book light onit and started readingwhile subconsciouslywi tnessing the sounds ofwaves gentlylappingup its shore, listeningto the chirpingo fbirds returningto their homes and feelingthe gentle breeze fromthe hills. I didnt realize how muchtime has passed whenI heard a movement inthe dense forest that stretched besides me. I froze there for a moment as the sound repeated. So meone was too close. I shivered at myplace ofconcealment. This was the wrongplac e to have come, I should have known. Now that the sunhad set the silence turned piercing. The fishes went quiet and the birds have safelyreached their homes. I knew anyone who was watchingme fromthree feet awaywouldnt have trouble catchingme incase I opt to run. So unable to think I sat there hardlybreathing, dwellingon negative, waitingfor the deathto come, I was calculatingthe painit willcause whe nI heard the sinister pass byme. The noise was as ifsomeone was beingdragged ona bed ofdrycrunchyleaves. It was still close; the movement was onthe other side ofthe trees. The piercingsilence now sm elled evil. I heard humanvoices fromthe trees. No one would believe the absurdit ybut instead ofwalkingawayfromthe danger I found myselfwalkingtowards it. I was gripped ina suddencuriosityto see who was there. I silentlywalked into the trees to see dark shadows ofthree men. As aninnate impulse to a perilous situationI s tepped inthe rear ofa fernto have a vigilant look. Three ofthemwere no men, they were boys, two ofthemwere bowed over somethingand the one whose shirt hanged unb uttoned onhis shoulders was smokinga cigarette watchingthem. As I was tryingto see what was happeningI notic ed the skyhas darkened further, a suddenshiver made me cross myarms tightlyacros s my chest. Theyhad somethingonthat pile ofdried leaves, maybe drugs I assumed. The one who was smokingstarted fillingstones ina plastic bag. I thought maybe th e stones have somethingto do withthe drugconsumptionprocess whenmyheart ceased. A chillthat had nothingto do withthe weather made me shiver. I saw two smallfeet at the corner ofthe leave sack, throughthe dark. That was a person there. As one ofthe guys moved the ominous view became patent. That tinyl ittle girllay onthe leaves. She wasnt moving. What has happened to her? Is she de ad? A small, frightened voice echoed inmyhead. Please move. Move beta. I whisper ed tears rolled downmycheeks but I didnt cease begging. I should have knownthat s he is not Adi, she cant hear mymurmurs but I cantell mymind wasnt entirelyworking. I wanted to take her inmyarms, to wake her up but I dont know whymyfeet were jam med to the damp ground. You are mean Samiya, a voice told me. As I concentrated too hard onher face I didnt realize that theyhave tied the bago fstones to her tinybabyfeet. My feet ached terribly as if the same load of stone s were tied on mine One ofthempicked her up callouslyand started walkingtowards the part ofthe lake that lies hiddeninthe forests. I didnt understand what theywe re doinguntila loud noise of splashofwater came and the devilstood there emptyha nded.No. As soonas I realized that theyhave thrownher into the lake. I was runningto plun ge after her. AllI cansee was her cute little face, her lips twitched ina smile, her hand withwhich she tried to soothe mypain. It was a short sprint to the lak e; I jumped inexactlyat the point where the surface ofthe water was stillcovered withsmallriffles. I knew the devilwas watching, but allI wanted was to save wha t that evilwas tryingto ruin. The water was freezing, but that was not as bad a shocker. It did freeze everyth ingto the core ofmybody; the movement ofblood inmyveins was ceased. Traditionall yI would have givenmyselftime to come to the levelofwaters temperature but todayI cant afford to evenwait for hyperventilationto end. I used everyounce ofmyenergy to inhale a deep breathbefore goingdownthe water. The sound ofastonished murmur

is the last thingI remember onthe edge ofthe water. One thingthat did come as a revelationwas the darkness. I forgot the unalterable truthabout divingat night; I was not able to see anything. I kept slidingdown, inthe totaldarkness as ifmyeyes were closed. Withinseconds I realized this was g oingto be dangerous. It was the worst transitionperiod to enter another world. I was roughlythroughwiththe prior quota ofoxygen; and thus found myselfcuttingthr oughthe water hurriedly. There was no possibilitythat I was departingwithout her , somethingsneaked up onme and before I know it was pullingme inside. I wasnt alone here, maybe inanother few seconds me and her willbe just another drowningthat happened inthe moonlight, without anyon e knowing the reality. Evenwithallthat trying, I knew Illstillend up dyeing, but the manifestationofher fatalitywas enoughto yield a disagreeable sensitivity. My lips were about to part, I was about to give up whenmyhand caught hers. She was warm, evenwithinthe treacherous icycold. A suddengushofvigor arose somew here inmychest. I just cant give up, I owe her that much. And I have to save myse lf, I owe Adithat much. What seemed like a decade maynot be more thana few secon ds. The struggle to swimup was equivalent to the struggle to swimagainst the cur rent. FinallyI made it. I held her close to me as mybreathingcame faster and dee per thannecessary. The hyperventilationwas causingme chest pain, ifI havent had t hat same painbefore during one ofthe Asthma attacks, I would have misunderstood it for heart attack. Because right now that was a highpossibility. The girlwas l ifeless inmyhands, she wasnt breathingand as I pressed her she didnt respond. Please dont die. I pleaded swimmingher towards the bank. Inmypanic I forgot about the fiends who stood waitingto murder this innocent girl. I hold her hand secure ly, as I used the dreadfullypetite energyleft inmybodyto force downthe water out ofher stomach. Inmydizziness I realized her clothes were torn, withscars onher face. I didnt even want to think what theymight have done to her, but for one thi ngI was sure, these people were not human. Theyencircled me. The one who threw her into the water started pullingher hand f rommine; I was inclined over her defying, not lettingit go. He pulled out a rock , to perhaps smack myhand, I squeezed the grasp at once but thenhe tainted his w its. Myaccelerated inhalationwas now almost aching. I felt nauseas as I struggle d for eachbreath, mylips parted to get as muchair as possible to myachinglungs. I could spot the skinonmyneck movingprofoundlyinto the collarbone and mychest mo vingina scuttle for everybreath. I was inmiddle ofthe most brutalattack ofmylife; anybreathfromnow could t one. The one who was smokingpushed me onthe ground. Withallwhat was was prettyeasyto accomplish. I dropped onto the ground, hittingmyhead the same place I had hit this morning. I didnt let go ofher hand but be able to be the las goingthat exactlyat I knew I wont

protect her for long. Mytunnelvisionforgot to deemwhat else these people cando. As he started takingoffhis pants, I wished that I would die. I was breathingheav ily; I knew I couldnt fight himoff. I left the girls hand apologizing, tears rolli ngdownmycheek as I started crawlingtowards the lake. He caught me withone hand a nd despite the little wasted effort he ripped offmydamp shirt. I wrapped myarms around mychest. Theywere teasingand findinggloryinit as I kept crawlingto anesca pe. Mytorned shirt allowed mybody to come incontact withthe cold breeze and mysoakingwet bra was doingadditionalbe nefit to the attack. Adi I whispered sobbingAdi please save her. They will kill her .As one ofthemstood at myback I was unable to find a waybut throwingmyselfinlake wasnt necessary, I knew I was about to die. I was reluctantlypushingone ofthe guy s who were tryingto put his hands onme, whenAdilike wind flew fromwithinthe tree

s, directingtowards the one who was leaningonme, catchinghold ofhis neck and dra gginghimpast the other two, forcinghimagainst the tree. I could barelysee Adis fa ce but a glimpse ofhis eyes revealed that he was murderously angry. He was scorc hingwithanger; his lose hand gripped into a fist and other pressinghis neck agai nst the tree. To the noises at a distance the other two rushed into the woods. A nd for Adijust killinghimwasnt enough, he wanted to make himsuffer, to slowlyslau ghter himto death. Slippinginto unconsciousness, I was seeingAdifor the last tim e and as someone that I never knew existed. A fury, a rage was plainonhis face a s he punched and kicked himinhis intestines. I wanted to stop himto request himt o take that little girlto the hospitalbut words werent reachingmythroat. As I laycurled withmyhands stillco veringmychest, I felt someones hands onme. I forced myeyelids to move up a little to see Sara wrappingme witha shawl, her face red withpanic; she was sayingsomet hingI cant make sense of. I tried to point towards the little girl, but I couldnt get to move myhand. Mr. Mathur was tryingto stop Adiwhile other few boys frommyc lass were holdingthat demon, his whole bodycovered withblood. Adiwasnt impeding. A di I whispered. I saw his face turntoward me impetuously; the transitionofhis blu e scorchingeyes to tense was the last thingI saw before losingsight. Keep breathing baby. You are my air. Do it for me Adis voice like meltinghoneystil lheld that charmfor me. His words stilltingled inmynumb bellyas he carried me wi th tremendous ease. I was soakingwet but the shawlwas a lifesaver. Except for wa rmingme it saved me myvirtue. And yes I was tryingto survive. I knew theylldo eve rythingthey could but untilthat point allhe is askingme is to keep breathing. An d God knows that I did everythingthat was inmycontrolto keep myweak lungs budgin g. Livingseemed to be so difficult and I could feelAditormentingas I endured hel l. Inmyfadingcognizant, I felt Adishiftingmyweight ona bed. Someone was tryingto ta ke offmywet night suite trousers, whenI instantlychanged the positionofmyhand, r esiding it ontop ofmytrousers. They are wet. Sara said strained. Inthe commotionI could hear Mrs. Anjalisearchingthroughmyinjections while Adidisappeared. Well have to wait for a nurse to come. Mrs. Anjalifrowned. She doesnt know how to use injec tions. But ifthere is no medicalassistance who is takingcare ofthe girl? I almost lost controlofmyforced breathingat that notion. Adishowed up inno more thanfew second s. He was clutchinga blanket and myclothes inone hand and a nebulizer inanother. Whendespite myreluctance Mrs. Anjaliand Sara started changingmyclothes, Aditurned around hesitantly, his back facingtowards m e fillingthe druginthe nebulizer. He waited for Mrs. Anjalito informhimthat they were done before he set the supple cord ofthe mask behind myears and turned onth e machine. His acutelybeautifulface was throbbing; the blue ofhis eyes and the r ed ofhis lips were now verygloomyindisparitywiththe exceptionallypale white skin . It was like seeinganangelshattering. Keep breathing Jaan. He whispered inmyear brushinghis warmhand onmyhead bowingdow nonme. Nebulizer will eventually calm down the attack but we need to inject some corticosteroid in you. This will hurt a little. He sighed forgive me. he murmured i nintense pain. I wanted to touchhimwithmynumb hand to tellhimthat a pain ofa syr inge is nothingcompared to the painI amgoingthroughright now witnessinghis nearl ydead face, but it had beena longevening, I was done fighting. Throughthe veryli ttle that was visible frommyvaguelyopened eyes I saw Adipluganinjectionand thent here was a feelingofinfinitesimalstinglike a mosquito bite onmyarm, followed bya blackout. I slipped into unconsciousness. Myeyes opened to a weak light enteringthroughthe chink betweenthe tent walls. My hand was twisted ina drip, a bottle ofglucose hungontop ofmyhead. Evenas sick as

I was the onlysense that never left me was mysense to smell. I cansmelldew and morningcarnations, it was earlymorning. And thenthe smellthat intoxicatingscent ofmymost pleasant dream, Adi. I turned myhead slightlyto find himsittingona chai r next to mybed, his head restingnear myhand, he was sleeping. His exquisite fac e was so beautifulyet stillpale. After the near deathexperience I was appreciatingwhat I had more thanever. It br ought back the unclear memories oflast night and as I recalled it, I became real lyuncomfortable. The girl. As I tried to get out ofbed, he suddenlylifted his he ad and his warmfingers caught myhand. No. he murmured inhis velvet voice gettingup , makingmyhead relaxagainst the pillows I am here. Tell me what you want. Adi. I whi spered the little girl? I looked at himwiththousand questions inmyeyes. His face c hanged a shade. Pihu he whispered her name is Pihu. His lips brushed onmyhand as he talked She is in hospital. I sighed intemporaryrelief. That was better thanbeingde ad. And trulythe wayI remembered her last, cold lifeless inmyhands that did come as a surprise. How is she doing? Is she conscious now? I asked, myeyes worried. H e sighed. I could tellit wasnt good news. I had to wait longbefore he decided to answer. She is not conscious yet. But shell be fine. He answered quietly. What happe ned to her? I asked impatiently. He moved awayfromme sluggishly, restinghis head against the chair, not meetingmy eyes. He watched his hands as the grave expressiononhis face told me, it could b e something worse thanthe worst. And he couldnt find the words to tellme how terr ible the world outside mybubble is. Did they rape her? I asked makinghima little more uncomfortable withthe overwhelm ingpaininmyvoice. He didnt meet mygaze and kept himselfawayfromme. They tried to. But they couldnt. She fainted. He explained briefly, embarrassed to touchthe detai ls. Who told this? I asked unable to process it. They confessed after police arrest ed them. He whispered lookingup a little. Are all three arrested? I asked, makingsu re. I remembered two ofthemrunninginto the woods. Two are in prison. He groaned and one is in the hospital. The memoryofAdibeingso furious, did churnmystomacha litt le. He realized that as he gazed at me apologizingI am sorry you had to see me li ke that. I couldnt control my temper. He whispered caressingmyhand. He didnt have t o feelsorry. I amthe one who should be sorry. I shouldnt have called him; I shoul dnt have put himinto trouble. I had to pullmyselfawayfromthat memory. Adi why is P ihu unconscious? I asked desperately. They were trying to force he sighed onthought ofit, his hand covered his eyes as he rested back againit caused her internal ble eding. Ssssss I cried inpain, turningmyhead onother side onthe pillow, where I coul dnt see him. There was anawkward silence whenhe finallybroke why did you do that? I impulsivelyturned to look at his angelface, inconfusion. I told you not to go ou t in dark. His voice a little more thantense And even if you did, couldnt you wait for me to come? The moisture inhis blue eyes numbed mysoul. I didnt have anydefens e that was worthit. Do you have any idea what they would have done to you? he aske d indeep painI nearly lost you last night. You were slipping through my hands... h e said sobbingand that was not bearable. I couldnt take it. I couldnt.

Adi I whispered sheddingtears for the near end we had yesterdayI am sorry. He didnt consider myapologies. You asked me to save the girl? Why didnt you call for me whe n he ripped he broke at the last words. No Adi.. I said feelingvulnerable I wouldnt h ve let him do anything to me. I was about to jump in lake.. I yanked it inmydefen se. He looked back inamazed irritationgettingcloser to me You what? And thenI coul dnt get myselfto cease the runningwater frommyeyes. If he would have done anything to me, how would I have faced you again? I said cryingI preferred dyeing. He reached for me indesperation; restinghis head onmychest he laid onmynumb body whichstrikinglyawake at his verytouches. His bodywas warmand I had this suddenur ge to protect himas he cuddled his face onmychest. A tear fromhis eye sieved rig ht throughmyshirt reachingmyheart as he spoke softlyyou can never do that to me. Never. He sighed There could be no reason whatsoever to take you from me.

I caressed his head withmyhand, tryingto soothe the unintentionalache I have cau sed him. It was the drugs inmysystem, I think because inno more thantwo seconds I drifted back to sleep. WhenI woke up againI had this impulsive feelingofworthl essness as myhand couldnt find Adi. But a warmhand did reachmine. As I managed to openmyeyes sluggishly, a hesitated smile occurred onmylips to see Sara sittingn ext to me. Time for some real spanking. Hi I whispered, rising. I realized there w ere quite a number ofpeople surroundingmybed. Mandy, Raag, Amber and Adi. The at mosphere was tense and myaudiences waited for me to tellthe story. Hi everyone. I said smirking, tryingto raise myhand a little ouch it did hurt withthat syringe fo r the drip duginto myskin. Adicame to relieve me ofthat. As everyone smirked and grinned, I looked at Adiin surprise. I forgot to ask how come he knew how to use injections and now, how he knows how to remove syringe fromsomeones blood vein. This year the gallantry award goes to Samiya Mittal. Someone said distractingme, givingallthe militarybackground score. I could tellit was Mandywithout lookingat him. Mycheeks flushed. Superwoman Raagadded laughing. Khatron ki khiladi. Amber sug gested, gettingcarried awayinthe fun. I hated beingput onthe spot especiallywith these people who are capable ofmakingfunofme inanypossible circumstances. ha ha I said shyly, unable to find a derisive replyto that. Adifinallyremoved the syring e frommyhand tapingcottononit and ofcourse sneering. This is not fair yaar. Sara i ntervened. I was surprised she was standingup for me. She had this big bleeding concussion in her head. She couldnt ride a bike but she took the courage to run all over the jungles offering her life guard services to drowning people. She really is brave. Dont make fun of her. There yougo. Heavysarcasm. I was not in jungle. I frowned and what would you have d one if you were at my place? I am not asthmatic she said insevere irritationand I wo uld have called someone for help if I were you. There was no time for that. I smash ed. She sighed lookingstraight into myeyes. Then its better let one person die th an go and die with her. I knew she didnt meanthat, she was just upset. I tried not to argue beyond that. Okay baba. I smiled apologizingI am sorry. You better be! she macked. FinallyI was onmyfoot witha healthybreakfast and some steroids inmysystem. Walki ngpast our tents I saw boys fromJosephschoolleaving. I turned myhead instantaneo usly towards the restroomas their eyes bore into me. Those three were from Josep h School, I realized rememberingthe uniforms theywere wearing. As I entered the bathroom, that suddenremembrance ofthat little lovelyface I encountered here ach ed inmyheart. Adi I whispered, knowingthat withmyillness he willnow be listeningto myeveryheart beat I really want to see Pihu before leaving. I gave myselfa sponge bathgallingly, I longed to stand under shower and have a proper bath, but Sara stood there monitoringmyeachand everymove. It was reallyfrustratingto see Adiand Sara teamup against me for allthe wrongreasons. Mrs. Anjalididnt take the risk ofleavingme behind again, but instead she allowed me to sit and watchwhile everyone indulged inriver crossingand rafting. Adidid l ook welltrained as he crossed the river intelligently. The grace and power took mybreathawayas he came runningto me for a quick break. Hey there. He smiled pullin gthe end ofmypigtailkneelingdowninfront ofme. I smiled back timidly. Mr. Mathur w ill take us to the hospital before leaving. He said turningsomber The girls father wants to meet you too. Who? Babu? I asked confused.Yes. He wants to thank you. A thou ght flickered Adi arent they going to need my witness or testimony for the police case? His eyes narrowed. One of them is from a known political family. Babu doesnt have enough money to pay the hospital bills. He paused Mr. Mathur went to police station this morning. Pol

ice is not registering an FIR his voice was sorrowfulno one cares about our witnes s. Yes, he is right. No one cares ifa poor little girlgets molested inthis part o fthe world. Inthat instance I wondered did I do the right thingbysavingher, woul dnt it have beenbetter to let her go, to free her ofthis appallinglife where her unfortunate father doesnt evenhave the finances to buyher the verynecessaryjustic e. I have to admit, that thought did hurt. Later that day, me and Adiaccompanied Mr. Mathur to the hospital. I could literallyhear myheart beatingagainst myches t as we walked into the generalward. The sorrystate of the hospital, people sick and dyinglyingonthe floor withfamilies mourning, did scare the hellout ofme. I swallowed hard holdingAdis arm. These people cant afford medical expenses. He expl ained gravely. I realized evenifme and Adiwere sick we were not the weakest. Peo ple out there had troubles muchbigger thanours. God was not unfair to us. Herber t Spencers phrase Survival of the fittest has slightlychanged its meaningthroughyea rs. It is now survival of the richest. IfGod was to come right now and grant me my one last choice I would ask himto never let me go out ofthe highschool. The worl d outside was not worthliving. Inallthose faces, myeyes desperatelysearched for Pihu. She has a bed for now. Adiwhispered registeringmypricklycondition. Mr. Mathu r stopped onthe edge ofa bed. She laywithher eyes closed, her hand twisted up wi thseveraltubes lookingfragile. As I looked back to mychildhood I remembered Barb ies, dollhouses, fairytales. What will she remember? I wished that memorywillnot distort her allother childhood memories. Babu, who was sittingonthe floor inthe corner came rushing, his hands folded as he bowed downinfront ofme crying. Adicaught himtoo quickly. Thats okay. He said onm y behalf. While Mr. Mathur, Babuand Adiwere havinga conversationI hesitated walk ed closer to Pihu. I stroked her cheek withmyfinger, she didnt respond. She was s till unconscious. It willtake her time to recover, I figured out. She has a bed f or now. Adis words recurred inmymind. I removed myringand myearrings, withmyback f acingtowards thempromptlyand kept it bythe side ofher pillow. I hoped Babucould get right price for them. We didnt staythere long. Everythingkind offast forwarded after that. We had our d inner bythe fire at the campsite before goingto sleep. I as usualsuffered that e ccentric feeling ofsorrow whichhaunted me allnight, the sorrow ofleavingthis pla ce behind and also ofthe overwhelmingattractiontowards Pihu. I could never be a traveler. I had troubles movingon. Inthe morningas I watched the lake for the last time fromthe window ofthe bus I had a recap ofthat night. StillI did not fear it, but for some reasonI cant expla inI knew that night someone called myname, God maybe, I knew somethingwas pullin gme inside and I yet refused to leave, again. It was a short trip back to school . Time runs at anextraordinarypace whenyouwant it to slow down. Myheart sank as we crossed the gates ofPinegrove. It was goingto be a packingday and everyone willleave tomorrow. Everyone, includingNiya, Sara and Adi. I manage d prettywellto put up a show and be a part ofthe excitement. I couldnt do a major contributionto allthe work around but I was definitelyonmytoes for 8 hours ina row. At dinner as everyone discussed the plans for vacations I ended up beingver yquiet and so did Adi. Why were you not talking? Adiasked softlyafter the supper. I was listening to ever yone. I answered sluggishly. Why were you quiet? I added. He gazed at me intensely. I was listening to you. I stared back at himinconfusion. That night it was your sobbing that reached me before your voice. When I say that I can not hear anything when you cry, I am not exaggerating. He paused I am almos t deaf since last three hours. As he said that the unshed tears started rollingdownmycheeks. Whats it baby? he pul

led me close to his chest strokingmycheek, brushinghis lips onmyhead. Nothing. I dont know. I sobbed. I am going nowhere. I am here. I wont leave tomorrow. He announc ed politelyhopingthat willcease the crying. It did. No its not that. Please I swea r Ill be fine. I am just tiered. I lied. He didnt buythat. Samiya he sighed. Hun Wh d you ask God before I came into your life? A lot of things. I answered shyly.

I asked for death. My death was an endless dream I dreamt, to go to the other sid e to that smiling angel. He pulled myface up to look into myeyes I dont like this, angels shouldnt cry. Shhhh. I frowned puttingmyfinger onhis lips That chapters done. he story goes on. I wont cry and you cant die. He smiled and whispered Ill try. bef akingoffhis arms fromaround mywaist. We rhyme he joked. Leavinghimbehind as I walked into the dormit hurted. To part after gettingso clo se it always does but todayit was different. I knew I wont get to see himunder th e pallid light of stars for a while. And thenthere would be no beautyto the nigh ts inhis absence. The thought that he is somewhere near listeningmade me feelclo ser to him. I couldnt imagine how lonelyI would be fromtomorrow onwards. 13. THEVACATION WhenI woke up next morning, bed sheets fromallthe mattresses were gone. A mattre ss unwrapped insheet canbe verydepressing, I cantellyounow. I because ofmedicine s slept longer and as I got offmybed I realized that packed luggage has shrunk. Some people have left already. I brushed myteethand did mybraid flyingdownthe pl ight ofstairs to check onNiya. The place was chaotic withparents and students al lover the place, and withnoises ofcars inthe parkinglot.

Niyas luggage sat onfoot ofher bed. Sara was there too sittingonthe edge, not ins chooluniform. Ready girls? I said leaningagainst a cupboard. Yup!Mum is here. I am leaving. Already? Yeah. We are leaving for Canada tomorrow morning. She is in a hurr y. Your luggage? I asked obnoxious. Its in car. She said gettingup. You have nice ho ays. She said pattingNiyas cheek. You too didi. Niya answered childishly, squeezingh er face onshoulder. Wheres aunty? I asked tryingto sound normal. She is in parking l ot. She said lookinginto myeyes; I could see a glint ofsadness inthemjust like mi ne. I will walk you down. I whispered leadingher. The parkinglot was overflowingwithcars. Most ofthe car boots were openas parents were fixingluggage inthem. Auntywas alreadyinthe car, driver inhis place, waiti ngfor Sara. I bowed downat the cars window to greet aunty. She kissed myforehead and we talked a little, but I dont have a single clue about what. I finallyturned to Sara and as we hugged eachother I whispered inher ear I will miss you. She pre ssed me closer to her and whispered back Dont go out of school with Adi. I meanthis is her last farewellwords. She is impossible. I pulled myselfback, su ppressingsmirk Happy holidays Sara and take care. You too. She said winking. And she was gone. As I turned around I saw Adistandingthere intentlynext to a car withopenboot, wi thluggage inside. He was leavingtoo. He was lookingmore thangorgeous ina black t ee and his faded denim. His handsomeness ached as I once againregretted mylooks compared to his. I hesitantlywalked closer. Hi I said not lookingstraight into his blue eyes. Theymake me feeldizzy. I dont lik e Sara. He said inpolite irritation. He heard that. I smiled unable to sayanythin g. So? I said after a briefpause. So, you are looking very beautiful this morning. H e said staringat me awkwardly. Ifsomeone willhear that, theyllthink he is makingf unofme. I couldnt help blushingbut managed to change the topic instantlyI mean are your parents here? Yeah. They are at reception. He said turningaround to close the boot ofthe car. Oooo. Nice car. I said inamazement, it was a black Mercedes, the same car I saw that daywhenI came to school. He smiled timidlyits dads. He distract

ed placed a strand ofmylose hair behind myear and said contentlyMum wants to meet you Nope. Not sucha good idea. Not now Adi. I am not ready. I mean I just woke up , I am in night suite. I said reluctantly. You look lovely. There is nothing as be autiful as you are. To you. I smacked. His lips pressed into a straight line. Okay j ust give me fifteen minutes to get ready. I bargained. He was not happyabout it a s he nodded just once, stiffly. Ill be waiting. He said behind me.Please dont. I kne w I wasnt going to come back. I dont care if he gets angry at this one. There is n o way I am going to meet his parents. I was onthe top stair whenI saw mydad pullinginto the parkinglot. I rushed back downstairs and suddenlyNiya appeared too out ofnowhere. Mymumjumped out ofthe ca r before it was parked and took Niya into her arms. Lookingat mumand dad, no one would believe that theyhave a daughter myage. Theystilllook like a newlymarried couple in their earlytwenties. The intensityofmums one hugand dads one look was e noughto make me feelguiltyofwhatever I was keepingfromthem. I had to stop myself onseveral occasions fromtellingthe whole truthofme stayingback. They wont underst and that was the onlythingI had inmydefense.

Dad took the permissionfromheadmaster to bailme out for a day. Theybooked a cott age near Kasauli, just to give me a break. I was goingto mydormto get a shower l eavinga note onAdis car whenI bumped into him. You are going out? he asked. With my parents for a day. Oh. Adi I have to pack and take shower. It will take sometime. Yo u dont have to wait. I suggested.Thats your reason. He asked smilingironically. I lov ed his wicked smile.Apologize to your parents on my behalf. He smiled Okay. So I gu ess I will see you on tomorrow then. I forgot. That was it. Ifhis parents leave, he has to leave too. Get permission slip signed from your dad. I have no troubles doing illegitimate stuff, so its for your own good. I scowled at him. But his ang er was muchmore impressive thanmine. His lips suddenlytwitched into anunexpected smile. What? I asked. Mum and dad are having a laugh on the note you left on the c ar. Oh No. I said throwingmyface into mypalms.Dont be embarrassed. They are family. H said pullingmyface up. His eyes lingered onmyface as he turned severe. Do you kn ow that I am leaving me with you? He said inaudibly. Do you know that you are taki ng me with you? I said burningat the touchofhis fingers onmycheek and couldnt leav e longafter he was out ofsight, stillburning. I was alreadycountingonhours left to see himagainbreakingthemfurther into minute s and thenseconds inshower. I abstracted wrote his name onthe steamyshower scree nand kissed it before gettingdressed. I wore jeans and the twilight shirt, which Sara bought me sayingI dream of being with you, forever. We left our luggage at th e cottage before leavingfor Shimla. Samiya make a list of things you need. Mama in structed passingme a piece ofpaper. Car was bumpinglike a caterpillar, it was im possible to write besides there was not a longlist. Mama I need school skirts. Thats it. Dont you have enough of them. She said amazed, or the fact that she kept two new skirts inthe trunk.They are very short. How come they are short? You havent gained height after class five. You have been wearing the same length for all these years. She asked confused. Mydad interrupted irrita ted If she is saying they are short. They are short. He gave muma hard look. Ofcou rse. Dad is veryold fashioned just like Adi. So honestlymumis scared ofme ending up ina skirt that reaches myankles. Mumsurprised me bynot arguingwithdad. I bough t some shorts for you. Maybe we can browse for some cotton t-shirts in Shimla. T his place will turn scorching in few days. Mumsuggested. Mama I asked you not to b uy anything. What about my old clothes? I demanded. Shhhh she said irritated not li kingthe thought ofit What old clothes? You should see girls your age. I wish you were allowed more casuals. I and dad exchanged a wickedglance inrear view mirror while mumcontinued You remember maheem, Rekha aunties daughter, the one who is ver y tall? she asked. No I said noddingsideways. The one who won North Delhi Beauty pageant. I dont know w ho mumis talkingabout. Arre who mumwas tryingveryhard whendad interrupted One who f

ailed class tenth exams and now is doing Jewellery designing from a C Grade coll ege. Oh that Maheem. I suddenlyremembered. Mumraised her brows as Niya grinned. What about her? I added. She helped me shop around for you and Niya. She is very smart. She said she would love to give you personality development classes next summer. She announced plea sed. Waow. I said nonchalantly. There is whole life to think about that irrelevant stuff. The focus is studies right now. Dad argued. World is changing Akshay. Perso nality sets ones primary identity, education has become secondary. Mumwas sticking to her point ofview. And where do you put innocence. She is sixteen. She is a rec luse person by choice. Thats her personality. She is right for her age. Dad debate d politely. Finallythere was one thingthat theybothagreed to.Innocence, what is its definition? I aminlove witha boyand inaccordingto humandictionaryina muchund erestimated waywe are havinga so called affair, so amI innocent? Samiya mumasked s urprised suddenlyrememberingsomethingthe boy who stood first in CBSE Examination this year, he is in your school. Myheart missed a beat; I couldnt picture myselfta lkingto myparents about Adiinanyways. Yeah I said worried lookingawayfromher stare . Do you know him? she asked mystified. At that questionNiya pulled her head behin d the seat to laughinaudibly. She willdefinitelyget me murdered. Yeah. He is in m y class. I answered kickingNiya onher ankle. Do you know he is son of Dr Tanmay Ra thore? Whydoes she have to interrogate me onallthese questions? Really? I didnt kno w. I said infake amazement, and inhope that the discussionwillcease. Do you know w ho Dr Tanmay Rathore is? OhJesus. Mama, whats wrongwithyou? To that questiondad an swered impatientlyand witha sound ofanalmost religious devotionHe did heart by pa ss surgery for Bade Papa. He saved his life. Bade papa, mygrandfather got that su rgerydone after his second hear attack. I didnt know how muchI owed to Adiinhow m anydifferent ways. He was asthmatic and the Angioplasty failed as well. They told us that Dr Tanmay Rathore was the last option. He gave bade papa 10 extra years to live. He said di stracted Samiya that man is the reason that I want you to become a doctor. Despit e the excellence there was greatness in him, which was inspiring Oh, so that trait is somethingthat Adihas acquired fromhis dad. Which year was it ? I asked unable to figure whenthat would have happened. It was 1988 the year your mom and I got married. Bade papas operation was the last operation Dr Rathore di d before leaving for States. He said againwithdevotion. After mumfallasleep, as usual, onthe rear seat leavingdad to drive and while Niy a was bombardingdad withallkind ofsillyquestions, I was thinkingofthe newlyacqui red information. Adis father saved myGrandpas life, he is the reasonthat I amstudy ingmedical, I meanhow tangled or intervened mylife was withsomeone who I barelyk new few months ago. I faced the urge to ask more about Adis dad, but I couldnt. My parents canread me like anopenbook. I cannot afford to take chances. Dad pulled the car into the closest parkinglot to Mallroad. For locals Mallroad is a shoppe rs paradise but I doubt it willplease mymum. The road has a number ofshowrooms, d epartmentalstores and cafes. And there are three book shops including one that s ells very very old books. So this is definitelymyparadise. We just had the sandw iches mumbrought fromhome and I and Niya were alreadyarguingonwhere to eat. Mc Donalds papa. I want to eat burger. Niya requested. Liar. Papa she doesnt like bu rger at all. She wants the stupid freebies. I insisted. They are not stupid di. Th ey are very cute toys. Shame on you Niya. Your height is increasing but brain is s till undersized. I teased. She was onthe verge ofcrying, it felt good to have won . Samiya. Mama scolded She will eat Mc Donalds. she emphasized You dont have to, if dont want. WhenNiya was not lookingmumwinked at me. Akshay we will shop around a b it before eating. I am not hungry yet. Mumannounced. Me neither. I added. We bought myschoolskirts first. Samiya what beta? This looks like a Ghaghara mumsaid ridicu led apprehendingme inthe change room. I like it this way. I replied. Momscared ofd ad, didnt argue. Dad and Niya got bored too quicklywhile I and mumwere browsingcl

othes for me, theywent to playtime entertainment to killtime. We settled for two t-shirts after evadingeveryshop onthe street. Mama I want to buy books. I said he sitantly, walkingdownthe street. What books? Novels? her eyes wide opened inamazem ent. Mama I dont read novels now. I just need one or two for the holidays. I insist ed. Samiya we are letting you stay here so that you can study. I remained quiet. Ok ay just one. She murmured. I jumped to hugher Thank you. I said smiling, pullingawayina quick moment. Since A diI aminthis strange habit ofgettingneurotic withanyones closeness, its just that I absent mindedlywant to pullmyselfback before gettingpushed away.

Lets eat first. Arent you hungry? She asked. Not for burger. I sighed.What do you wa t then? Gol gappe, papdi chaat. I said, mymouthwatering.For lunch? she asked amazed. I nodded. She laughed and leaned to kiss me oncheek My baby. She murmured holdingm yhand. Playtime entertainment was crowded withkids ofallshapes and sizes. There was a f ullrange ofgames for Video game enthusiasts. Niya was inqueue waitingfor her tur nto DDR, Dance dance revolution, while dad was onphone. DDR, it is anawesome gam e. Player has to stand onthe dance platformand hit colored arrows laid out onthe screen. I just love that game. I sneaked into the line withNiya while mumbought me the ticket. Finallythe moment came; I and Niya took the positions onthe plat formand limbered up. Some euro trashmusic started playing. And we bothdanced ins anelyand as the frequencyofthe music and the arrows increased so does our speed. God, we were good at it. I could hardlybreathe at the end ofit. After finishing few rounds we were kicked out ofthe game due to the number ofpeople waiting. Bes ides mumsomeone caught myattention. Adi. As we moved closer, mumshouted You were great. I felt panicked and was sweating, myeyes were onhimas he stood there smiling. Adi. Niya ranto himexcitedly, catching his sight. Hey. He waved back cheerfully. Mydad was done talking; we bothstopped f ew inches awayfrommum, Niya and Adi. Mama this is Adi. Niya said introducingthem. A nd Adi this is mama. Namaste aunty he bowed a little infront ofmum, while mumperple xed looked back at himinamazement. This is everyones initialreactiononseeingAdi. I had to cougha little to bringmama back to senses Namaste. She replied mutely. He greeted dad too. Niya was givingmama a detailed account onthe legend ofAdi, whe ntwo kids came running, almost banginginto Adi. Tinyround faces. Broad features and not more than18 inches inheight. Intheir dangris and floaters theylooked lik e some coolAfricanAmericantourists. Olivia and Oliver. I fellinlove withbothofth eminstantly. I couldnt stop myselffromstaringat them, tryingto understand what th eywere talkingto eachother. Mama this is Samiya, my class mate. I heard Adispeakin gmutely, ina hesitant way. I looked up quicklyto see a verybeautifulwhite lady, who could not be more than2 5 years old glazingat me intently. Thoughthe features were different but stillth ere was some sort ofresemblance betweenAdiand her. It was the calmness, I think. She didnt sayanythingbut looked at me miffed as ifshe has seenanangel. Exactlyli ke mymumwas staring at Adia few minutes ago. My mum. Adiwhispered gesturingtalkingto me. Namaste Aunty. I said inaudibly. She bo wed a little, at loss ofwords. But anappreciatingsmile occurred onher lips as sh e came back to reality. Adibrieflyintroduced his familyto mine. Where is papa? the words were stillinhis mouthwhena clone ofGeorge Clooneyappeared . He was a veryhandsome manwitha good physique and witha sense ofmaturity onhis face. I am here. He smiled, lookingat allofus. He didnt behave inanunnaturalwaybut took more thana second to apprehend me whenI was beingintroduced. I was shyto core. Mr . Mittal I have seen you somewhere. He said to dad raisinga brow, while myeyes on

their ownaccord shifted to Olivia and Oliver. You treated my dad in Apollo few ye ars ago. Dad replied politely. Mr. Amrit Mittal, that was your last operation befo re leaving for States. He added inanattempt to help himremember. Oh yes. He said no ddingMr. Amrit Mittal, by pass surgery. How is he doing? he asked curiously. He pas sed away few years ago. Dad replied mutely. Oh he sighed I am sorry. And your mother? dis mumasked tensed, lookingat dad. She was askingabout mygrand mother. She knew her? They both passed away the same day. Dad replied intenselyDid you know her. A so rrow appeared onher pale face. I got to know her in the hospital. She was a great lady. She whispered talkingmore to herself. After a plausible second ofquietness , mumtalked undecidedlyto Dr Aleko were you shopping? Actually we are staying in Ka sauli. We came here for lunch, kids wanted to eat Mc Donalds. she said ina verycal mmotherlytone. Adis parents were elder to mine, but accordingto looks theyallwere similar, allintheir earlytwenties. We are going to Mc Donalds too. Mumreplied glad ly. Mr. Mittal where can we buy wine around here? Dr Rathore asked dad Dad laughed as ifhe shouldnt have asked that. Dad is a directoryto allthe wine cellars inthe area. I know some really good cellars around. He said delightfully. And theybothw ere gone. I went to help Adigrab the meals, while mumand Dr Aleko took a table near to the playland. I too. He said smilinganenchanted smile. What? I asked confound. Dream of being with you forever. He replied repeatingthe quote frommyshirt. I blushed, Oliv ia and Oliver are very cute. Very very cute. I said shrugging. Ha!Spend a day with them and then tell me. I giggled, followinghimto the table. Adi maybe we can get our babies engineered to give them African looks. I like black babies. I said won dering.Great plan, but just for the record we cant have babies. He said makinga fac e.Oho. Why are you so pessimist all the time? Technology is developing, who knows . Maybe we can. I said blinking. He couldnt help laughingat that. It wasnt a minute since we settled down, that mumstarted her interrogation. How did you study for Exams Aadil? She asked, witha respect inwhichshe hardlyever speaks. I had few slee pless nights. I worked really hard. I didnt do anything except for study the whol e year. He said exaggerating, smilingcrookedly. Mymumwas readyto start comparinga nd lecturing. And he knew that. Oh really. And I thought it was because of the fr eak memory genes in your body. I whispered irritatingly. He couldnt help smilingat that. Of course you did. Mymumreplied hard work pays. She said givingme a hard look . How did you do on exams? Dr Aleko asked me inanover polite tone, her eyes stillf illed withthat suddenadmirationfor me. I was tryingto remember how I did, whenmymumspoke for me Whole year me and her da d were behind her. With all the effort she still barely got 87%. We have failed to develop her interest in studies. But she works really hard aunty. Adistated, talkingto mum, ofcourse tryingto get more out ofher. That was funto him. Work hard? She asked cynicallyHer hard work is to sit all day long with a book in hand. And every time you go to check she will be on the same page. Mama. I said surprised tryingto quiet her.What mama. Thats the truth. She said firmly.What does she like to do? Dr Aleko said smilingMaybe she can do that. Mymumhas ananswer to everyquestion. She likes to read novels. Thats it. I dont know what possible career you can make out of it. There yougo. Myprayer paid and the talk finallydeviated fromme. Niya, Oliver and Olivia went to playinthat giant foamystructure withballs init. Dr Aleko hesitated for some reasonbefore sh e started talkingMrs. Mittal I really wanted to meet your mother in law. I did no t know that she passed away. Mymumlooked at her confused and so did Adiand me. I o we her my biggest happiness. She paused I owe her Adi. What? I used to work in Gangaram hospital at that time. Every day I delivered babies a nd sight of each baby pushed me further into an unending depression. Baby was the only thing I wanted and baby was one thing that I could never have. I had a T- s haped uterus, a rare disorder. My chances of conceiving a baby were one in milli on and even if conceived there was a high possibility of miscarriage.

That one evening I went to see Tanmay; he was with a patient in intensive care. W hile I was waiting outside your mother in law came over to me. Tanmay operated h er husband. As she thanked me I could feel the energy her body was liberating. I could feel she was someone holy. She asked me if I needed anything. I couldnt re sist crying and I asked her, can I have a baby. Dr Alekos expressions were grave a nd her voice thoughtful. She disappeared. I remember as she turned her back on me it was like God has turn ed his back on me. I cried my heart out that night. I didnt go to work. As soon a s Tanmay left, there was a knock at the door. She sighed It was your mother in law . She asked me few questions. And while leaving she took out a tiny box and empt ied half in a bowl, that was vibhuti, she asked me to eat it for 30 days and pra y to God. She was more than sure that it will work. Her eyes filled withwater ont he memoryI did as I was told and waited for the miracle to happen. It happened. I got Adi soon after. She sighed. Mama Adiwas about to argue, whenshe said firmlyDont Adi. Dont argue with me on that. I am a gynecologist. Believe it or not its a mira cle. I believe you. Mymumswallowed, thoughtfully. A briefsilence followed She gave m e the other half of the vibhuti. She whispered. Everythingbefuddled. I couldnt mak e sense ofwhat theywere talking. Are these people here our mums? Whyare theynot actinglike grownups? I have the same disorder. I couldnt conceive either. After 30 days of ritual, I got pregnant. I had Samiya. Dr Aleko slightlypatted mymums hand . Did she ask you questions before giving vibhuti? She asked mum. Yes. She asked me if I was ready to take the pain that will follow after the hap piness of the motherhood. Mumsaid clearlyrememberingeachword ofit She asked me if I understood the meaning of leaving the body at ones own wish. And the last thing was if my baby could do that, will I be okay with that. her eyes flickered to th e lines onher palms. I said yes to all of them. To me it sounded like a blessing. I did too. Adis mumadded, embarrassed for some reason.I didnt try to understand the m eaning of her question. I was very desperate for baby. But now I think of it all the time. Maybe they have something to do with Samiyas sickness. She said quietlyS amiya has asthma. She explained to Dr Aleko. Yeah I believe the same. Maybe thats t he reason Adi has Adis momgot carried awayand the word HIV was inher mouthwhenI sta rted coughing, badly. This was not the right time to tellmama about Adi. As they made me drink water Dr Aleko turned to mumMrs. Mittal you got Niya. Was it Vibhut i again? A shade I have never seen, passed mymums face. Niya is not my biological c hild. She said. That was it. I frustrated got up to leave the table, whenshe caug ht myhand. Listen Samiya she pleaded, the paininher voice too transparent. I could nt walk away. Niya is Sonis daughter. She explained. Who Soni? I asked frustrated. Soni was your aya, Nanhes sister. Her husband died when Niya was in her stomach an d she died giving birth to Niya. Nanhe doesnt have any family. I offered to take care of her and then we just couldnt give her back. I was stillangry, I couldnt look at her. Niya is mine. She is mysister. If she is not born to me that dont mean that you are not her sister. Both of you are our da ughters, both of you are equal. She explained not lettinggo ofmyhand. Mum you shou ld have never told me this. I said irritatingly, gettingrid ofher hand, walkingou t onthe street. I knew Adiwas followingme. What? I asked irritatinglyturningaround to look at him. We have same birth mother, Ms vibhuti. He said ina serious expres sion. I cant believe he was makingfunofour mums storyand mygrand mother. I started walkingand he caught up withme withanexceptionalease. The girls and the ladies, who stared at Adilike hungrydogs walkingpast us, were like oilto the fire. Oilt o myfrustration. What does that make us? Brother and sister? I asked without think ing. Idiot. He said harshly. I was. Shouldnt have said that. And now he was angryto o. Well that explains the connection between us. You didnt just got lucky overnigh t. It was the vibhuti. He said cynically. How funny? But that was the truth. Mayb e he is right. Maybe thats the reasonI got lucky. Yes. You are right. I answered th oughtfully. What? he was amazed No fight? I shrugged.

Silly. Its me who got lucky. We were wrong to think that your grand mum cant do mir acles. He whispered She brought this cartoon to earth. He said raisinghis hands tow ards me.

I cant stayangrywithhimfor long. Forget the Niya episode and go and apologize to y our mum. He suggested If you wont youll regret it whole summer. Trust me. He added. H e was right. I apologized and mumforgave me quicker thanI realized. Mumwas talki ngto Olivia and Oliver, whenI saw Adiwhisperingsomethingto his mum. Mrs Mittal. Ad is mumsaid politelyWe are staying in Kasauli for a month. I would love to have Sam iya at my place sometimes. Oh, so he is usinghis mumnow to hangaround withhis gir lfriend. Mymumblushed, a bit embarrassed That will be troublesome for you. Thats t otally unnecessary. No please. I insist Dr Aleko requested.Okay. mumsaid obliged I wi l let heady know. Thats really kind of you. And before the conversationwas over ou r dads came back. Apparentlytheyhave had a successfultrip. So what is your plan, for the evening? Dad asked. We are going to Chandigarh, I think. Dr Rathore said ey eingAdi. He is supposed to buy me a present for Tenth results. He said as a courte syto explain. Mumlaughed he deserves that. What are your plans? Dr Aleko asked mum. Samiya has to buy some books. Then we are going back to Kasauli. We will be leavi ng early tomorrow. She sighed its season so Akshay cant stay away from work for lon g. Oh! Dr Aleko sighed. So that was it. No one was verykeenonthe idea to part espec iallyme and Adi. But life isnt fair. Be ready in the afternoon tomorrow. Adiswayed before disappearing. Mumlet me buythree books. To her there were fairlylimited m eans bywhichshe canshow her love to me, buyingme things was one ofthem. We went to monkeypoint for a stroll, inthe evening. Onthe wayback mums expressionsuddenly altered while talkingto me. Samiya where are your ear rings? she asked petrified. And ina quick glance she saw myemptyfinger Where is your ring? I took a deep breathbefore tellingher the story. Ofcourse I altered few details like, time ofthe day, number ofboys, and mysavior and asthma attack. And yes I b ecame Sara in story. Mama Sara and I were allowed to go to see the girl in the ho spital. She was not in a good condition. She needed a good treatment. So we thou ght of helping her father financially. I ended the storyina whisper. Mumlooked at me blankly, her face balanced bythe hand onher chin, lookingback at me fromthe rear seat I am very proud of Sara. She did the right thing. She final lysaid. She was not upset withme. Thank God. Samiya that gemstone is for your wel l being. She said and turned to dad Akshay pundit ji said its a must for her. I will call shri ram jewelers. He looked at me inthe rear view mirror Ill courier it as so on as possible. Make sure you wear it on the right finger. I nodded obediently. I ncottage that night after dinner, dad caught me bysurprise Samiya you are asthmat ic, you should take care of yourself. I nodded without knowingwhat he was talking . And dont lie to your mother again. He added as I was leavingfor the bedroom. Now I know. I embarrassed couldnt look at himagain. I think I canbut actuallyI cant bl uffwithhim. He is mydad, not the other wayaround. I wonder ifhe knew about Adito o. I layback against mypillow, strokingNiyas face. It was completelysilent, just for the faded sound ofNiyas breathing. I stared at her lettingmymind wander idly, ex pectingsleep to take me. Awake? a voice freaked me out, and I sat up too quicklythat myhead started spinni ng. It was mum. You scared the hell out of me mama. I said tangled. I am sorry. I c ant sleep. She murmured gettingcozyunder myquilt. Me neither. I shrugged. Do you want some coffee? she asked cringing. I amthe heftiest critic ofmums drinkinghabits, h er obsessionwithtea and coffee is creepy. I dont think it will help in sleeping. I suggested incase she cant see the obvious, but her dropped features made me chang e mymind we can talk. It usually helps. She smiled inconsent, clutchingmyhand, wan tingto saysomethingbut as ifthe words werent reachingher throat. What is it mum? He

r behavior was worryingme. Nothing. She said carelessly. Thoughnot inusualcareless ness tone, she was goingoverboard; mumwas a bigtime over actor. That was second thingI acquired fromhergenetically. okay. I exhaled Mama you can tell me anything, ask me anything, I am your daughter. I reminded her incase she has forgottenthat there is nothingformalbetweenus. Sami ya about badi maa. She broke offmid thought, her fingers movingonmyhand nervouslyY ou are the only person I can talk to. Akshay gets irritated when I talkabout thi s. We are not on the same page when it comes to beliefs. I slightlynodded. I had never seenmumthat abstemious. As I told this morning I got you because of badi ma a. She smiled You know you were her favorite child. She gave people blessings but she gave herself to you. Your faith, your calmness, thats her reflection in you. She used to say that what happens is supposed to happen. Though she knew future but she never tried to change it. All she used to do was to give courage to peop le to live through it. She swallowed and paused She told Akshay not to send you to boarding school; she said if youll once cross that line, youll never come back ag ain. Akshay does things his way, he didnt listen to me. But once again two days b efore her death badi maa asked me to bring you back home. She told me to cherish every second of your presence as you were not mine to keep for long. I had to resist myurge to tellher that mygrandmother was roughly accurate. Myphy sicalpresence has not yet diminished but mysoul, yes. It was not mymums anymore. Mumwas stillquiet fightingfor words. I dont know whichwaythis conversationwas hea ding. So? I asked slowly. It took her a minute. So are you planning to do your coll ege in India or America? I was captivated bya suddenshock but mumcontinued I can c onvince Akshay. We willbe happy to arrange everything if you clear your MCAT Exa m. I couldnt bringmyselfto senses; a part ofme knew what she was talkingabout.Oh Sami ya. She sighed You think I dont know about you and Adi. I knew that something was goi ng on after that letter I received from you. Dont fight with Niya but I forced th e truth out of her. I couldnt speak. I wont lie; I was very upset with you and was f inally planning to take you back. I was worried that some guy is just trying to use you. And I know you are stupid enoughBut seeing Adi. She hesitated He is someth ing. He is the sort of person who deserves my girl. she said strokingmyblood red cheek. I finallyspoke, words flowingout ina rush Its nothing serious mom. We like each o ther. Its not that we are getting married or something. I was about to saythat it s twenty first centurymumbut she interrupted too assertivelyI dont know him but I know you Samiya. You are way beyond the word serious. I hope he turns out what he seems. She sighed and thenher voice was serious Why did you grow up so quickly? I didnt know how to answer that question. She kissed mycheek and left. I fallback onbed, twistinginto comfortable position, lettingthe anxietycrawlout ofme. It w as a longday. Before I could know it was morning. We checked out ofthe cottage resort and went back to school. Dad signed the permissionslip and despite myreluctance left twe ntythousand rupees withMs Renufor mypocket moneyinthe vacations. Its good to have some money in your pocket when you are going out. He emphasized. Some moneyand twentythousand rupees is not the same concept to me. Mumhugged me tightlyfor a minute, thenshe got onthe car and theywere gone. I mopped around inanalmost emptyschoolbefore goingto dorm. I was to stayhere alo ne everynight for next thirtynights. It was okaynow withthe sunlight flowingthro ughthe window, but I wondered how scarythe nights would be? I studied for anhour or so and thenwas goingto the library. Adiwas comingdownthe

stairs Ready? he asked cautiously, sensingthat I wasnt. Hi. I said leaningtowards h im, humorously. Hi. He replied smilingcarefullypushingme away, withhis hands onmys houlders Are you ready? he repeated carefullyagain, steadyingme. Where are you taki ng me? We will have lunch at my place and then I am taking you to show dads lab. He said fixingthe lose strands ofmyhair. Adis place. Not sucha good idea. Can we jump on to the second part? I am not very hungry. Oh trust me youll be. At the smell of the Indian food dad is cooking. He announced derisively. I found myselflaughing. Are you sure? Not really. He said and took a step forward, withanexceptionalease he put me onhis shoulder. Despite the reluctance he carried me to the dormand plac ed me onthe floor circumspectly. Be quick. He ordered. His blue polo shirt was com plementingthe blue ofhis eyes. He looked strikingas always. You can come in, ther e is no one inside. I said ina low voice. He has the talent to sense mymoods. And right now I was actinga bit flirtatiously. No I am fine here. He said witha sligh t mischievous smile. I took mytime gettingdressed. I wore a Capriand one ofthe s hirts I bought yesterday. Lets go. I said walkingout ofthe dorm. And we walked to t he parkinglot. I was not concentratingonthe steps because apparentlyit was hard to take eyes offthe personwalkingnext to me. Mysub consciousness was unexpectedl ydisturbed bya double chirp sound, Adipressed the buttononthe car key. Myeyes on their ownmoved to track the directionofhis stare. Inmiddle ofa few acres ofbarre nland, our so called parkinglot a car stood that left me as breathless as Adilef t me the first time I saw him. WhenI found mybreath, I looked back at him, this time speechless. Dads present. He said mutely, smilingshyly. I nodded slightly. Swa llowed. Stillcouldnt speak. Its a BMW M6 Convertible. He answered as a courtesyto my unasked question. It took few seconds to find myvoice. Blue? I asked blankly. Blue is the color whichyousee next to never, insuchluxurious cars. He looked at me c onfused. You said it was your favorite color. Oh. Whenhe asked me I was unable to forma coherent answer lookinginto his blue eyes, and yes blue was my favorite co lor inthat moment. Whenthe pleasant shock settled, I asked puzzled Who is driving ? Driver cant fit inthat car withme and himat the same time and as a matter offact I couldnt see anypersonother thanAditillmyeyes reach. He looked back at me expre ssionlessly, and raised his hands towards himself. He meant he was driving. Oh pl ease. You are not. What made you think I will sit in the car driven by you? I ask ed mordantly.I drive all the time. He said inamazed irritation.Doesnt matter. I dont sit with people who dont have a drivers license. I announced, pleased to get a reas onnot to go to his place.Really? he said, huntingfor his wallet inhis back pocket W hy dont you provide me your instruction manual. That way Ill know your operating s ystem better. I had to tryhard not to laughat that.Here. He said puttingsomethingli ke anID card onmyhand. It was his drivers license. You are 17? I asked like a pure idiot dazzled byhis picture onthe card. I have links. He said. And the card disapp eared frommypalm. Are you getting on the car on your own or you want some help? he asked conceited. I walked around and got inthe car obediently, scared. I dont kn ow how he was driving, because to me the street was invisible, I was halfsunkeni nto the soft leather seat. As we passed the schoolgates, I found a convenient angle to look at his beautifu lface and the greeneryaround at the same time. I had never beeninanopencar. It f elt so nice and airy, like I was ona bicycle. I tried to suppress a grin. He willprobablythrow me out ifhe knows that I amcomp aringhis Crore Rupees car to a cycle. You are being spoiled. I murmured acerbiclyw henhe caught me staring. He smiled. Being spoiled for a good cause doesnt count. He replied indiscreetly. Give me the honor of spoiling you this summer. Dont you think I have spoiled myself enough already? I asked more to himselfthanto him. Since A diI was a changed person. You are opposite of spoiled. He said engrossed Actually h old on to that thought, and open the toolbox. He said. This I asked leaningforward to openthe box. Yes he said mutely. As I opened, he said take out this bag. I grabbe d the paper bagand closed the toolbox. Look inside. He instructed. I leaned back g ettingcomfortable inmyprevious positionremovingmythongs, crossingthe legs onthe seat. There were two smallcardboard boxes inside, I didnt touchthemand moved myst are back to Adi. He took a quick glance Its not a gift. Trust me. Open it. He reque

sted, readingmymind. I hesitantlytook out the boxand opened it sluggishlyto see a greengemengraved ina gold band sittinggloriouslyinit. It was myring. Adi. I look ed at himconfused. I bought it from Babu. He confessed. When? Did you go to see him ? Yes. He said quietlyI took mum with me. She did a quick check up on Pihu. She is b etter now and conscious. I was overwhelmed, the ringdidnt matter but his goingback to check onPihudid. Thanks. I whispered. You are welcome Jaan. He said and I blushe d, momentarilyunder a spell. Feel the ring. He requested. Despite the confusion, I took out the ringfeelingit withmyfinger tips. There were tinycavities onthe oth er side ofthe band, whichwerent there initially. Its engraved. I said mystified turn ingaround to see what it said. To destiny it said. Myeyes got stuck onthe two tiny words. Napoleon presented a gold medallion to Josephine with these words inscribe d on it. He said. I know. I alleged stillabsorbingthe meaningofthe engraving. I dont know what those words meant to Josephine to me theywere more meaningfultha nanythingelse. I was destiny ofthis beautifulangelsittingnext to me. What good d id I do inlast life to be fate ofa personlike himself. I wore it vigilantlyonthe fourthfinger ofmyleft hand, whose veinis believed to b e directlyconnected to heart. Its a part of my heart now. I spoke withutter honesty . I told you. He affirmed, misunderstandingmylove as generosityYou are opposite of spoiled. He was thoughtfulYou are the cleanest thing in creation. His unusualremark s make me uncomfortable and worthyat the same time. Inmyworld onlyAdihas the abi lityto do that to me. Inmyownmaze ofthoughts, I didnt realize that we have come to a stop. WhenI looked at hima gentle angels smile lit his expressionHome he said pleased muchmore than e xpected. Ina quick second he was onthe other side holdingthe door openfor me. I got down, myattentioncaught bythe house that was sittingonmaybe the highest peaks inKasau li. The exteriors ofthe house focused onthe naturalelements ofits surroundings. I could see the jungles restingspectacularlyinthe valleydownthere. I could smell water, there was a river flowingsomewhere innear proximity. It was a double stor eyhouse, withanelegant mountainhouse touchwithbranches oflushgreentrees holdingi t gracefully. I followed Adi nervously. You met them yesterday. They wont kill you. He whispered inmyear You can breathe. I wishI could. I was not good withpeople, I wasnt taught how to behave inpresence ofadults, how to behave whenyougo to someones place. LivinginPinegrove allmylife I was more ofa n uncivilized aboriginal. Just one clumsymistake whichI was trulytryingto avoid witheverystep and that would be it. I would rather be happywithhis familynot kno wingme at all thanbeingdisliked. I meanI looked at those sixyear olds yesterday, the twins. Theyare muchmore civilized thanI am. A glass bridge welcomed us over a water feature and into the home; we were inthe livingarea. It was huge, it was spacious. I dont know what style was it, because it was sort of unique and incomparable. Colombianstone floors and the decks ont he other end ofthe house visible througha glass wallwhichwas so transparent that I willcategorize it as invisible. Onthe perpendicular side ofthat wallthe livin garea offered animpressive view overlookingthe patio and anedge poolto the expan sive valleybelow. Two pillars stood betweenthe livingarea forminga separate soci alarea accented bystout wood beams, stone floors and a customfireplace. The deta iled stone walls gave it a verycozylook. You like it? Adiasked dwellingoneachword warily. This is your holiday home. I state d, and thenveryquicklyaltered the informationmakingit sound more unbelievable Thi s is not even your real home? He stared back confused Yeah. I guess so. I looked at his face waitingfor more to come.

What? Does your mother produce gold babies? Or is it your dad fixing gems in peop les hearts. I asked momentarilybelievingthat it could be a possibility. People get gold teethallthe time. The color ofhis face evaporated. He fretfullyleaned closer and said cautiously My parents have hearing abilities s imilar to mine. Shock held me so sturdilythat I was literallycaptivated byit. Tha t kind ofmistake, I wasnt expecting. And that kind ofmistake onlyI was capable of making. I was readyto turnaround and runout whenhis hand caught mine, losingthat grave m ask onhis face, laughing. I am kidding he said. I agitated punched himtwice inhis chest withpure intentions ofnot hittinghimhardly. He was stilllaughingwhena male voice came fromthe other end ofthe narrow cave li ke passage Adi the voice confirmed. Yes dad Adianswered snickering. Come. He walked e throughthe cave holdingmyhand. Onthe other end ofthe cave was one hellofa kitchen. Whywould doctors need a prof essionalcookingplace? I was really scared to think anything, and was singing som e silly Britney spear song in my brains to cover up any thinking processes, who knows, Rathores can possibly turn out to be mind readers. The adjacent diningare a also opened up onto the deck creatinga unique indoor/outdoor atmosphere. Onthe TV screenofthe fridge a familiar Indiancook was teachinghow muchliters ofwater is needed to make doughfromhalfkgflour. Gross. I thought that was commonsense. Hi kids. Dr Rathore ina huge chefs apronhalfcovered inflour became visible fromthe pantry. Hello Uncle. I said timidly. I was making Indian for you He announced pleas ed. And me. he added whenAdigave a sardonic cough. We live on pasta 300 days an year. He said leaningcloser Ethalia cant cook Indian. He explained withhis hand onhis lips, as ifthat was somethingthat theywerent allowe d to talk about. Talking about me? the familiar polite maternalvoice, came closer to us. Dr Aleko. She hugged me before I had a chance to greet her and pulled back, but her eyes d idnt leave myface Its so nice to have you. She said. I could tellit wasnt just a cou rtesy, she meant what she said. Thanks for having me over. I said doubtfully, unaware ifwe saythat sentence at be ginningor end ofthe meeting. Our pleasure. She replied slightlysmiling. Thank God, I got that right. Make yourself comfortable. She said offeringme a kitchenstool, makingher waytowards the refrigerator. As she fiddled withthe bottle oflemonade Adipicked me up slightlyand put me inth e chair. I pushed himback hesitantly. Thats new. He smiled. Thank god his parents w erent watching. Ethalia can you tell me if salt is okay. Dr Rathore said holdinga spoonofcurryto Adis mum. She looked amazed What made you think Ill eat that? she said poringlemonad e into glasses. Dr Rathore put the spooninto his mouth, and there was this serene happiness a pe ace onhis face oneatingthat You are turning your back on the best kadahi paneer, ever cooked. His eyes partiallyclosed. Thats what he said last time and I was sick for a week because of the spices he u sed. She said offeringme the glass oflemonade. I took it tentatively.

I will prefer slashing my wrist than eat that. she said lookingat Dr Rathore, her hand onher waist and another one onthe shelf. Thats mymums favorite posture, I sud denly realized. Hope you enjoy your sandwiches. He said ina firmdiscontented tone. Adiwas smiling selfconsciously. Mum I will show Samiya around. He announced helpingme out ofthe c hair. Sure. Go ahead. She said over politely. I was wonderingwhat to do withthe gl ass oflemonade inmyhand whenhis mumadded You can carry that with you if you want to. Thanks. I said inaudiblyfollowingAdi. Across the livingarea, there was a wellstocked library. He gave me time to brows e the collection. Mostlytheywere medicaljournals, witha smallpile ofcontemporary authors stacked ina trivialcorner. He stood behind me, his arms across mywaist, his lips brushingmyhair whenhe whispered as ifreadingmythoughts We can redo the l ibrary according to your taste. That was muchmore thanI canask for. I was reticen t inanunlike manner. Myfinger onits ownwas tracingthe rimofa frame. It was some sort ofcertificate. WithAadils name onit. Whats this? I asked distracted overwhelmed byhis previous statement. He let me los e, cleared his throat and expatiated softlyWhat does it say? facingme. United State s Medical License. I read throughit huntingfor heavywords. And thenI let it sink in. Please dont tell me that you have a degree in medicine. I said too baffled. He exhaled. I didnt go to medical school. But Ohplease. No buts. I dont like buts. They make Adimore impossible for me. But he repeated timidlyI have cleared theUnited Sta tes Medical License Examination. I am equivalent to a surgeon. I was gettingquick inabsorbingshocks. That explains your knowledge of injections. I said mutelytalkingto myself. Why are you here then? I asked confused. Dad wants m e to do it the traditional way. He said quietly. Ohgreat. I struggled to readjust mymind walkingbesides him. He was chucklingquietly. So you just pretend studying , when you actually know everything? I asked tryingto make sense ofthe confusingc ontext. I dont pretend. I study. He said as ifit was obvious. Over and over again? I asked anxiously. That was creepy. There is so much to study. I can read one book each day of my life, and I wont be done when I die. He explained walkingme out oft he library. A huge painting, well not actually painting, a huge white canvas withthree strok es ofblue and red paints occupied the entire wallofthe subwayleadingto second ha lfofthe house. No matter how hard I tried to runmyimaginationwild, makingsense ofthe art init, I found it totalcrap. Is it from a famous artist? I asked clearingmythroat and try ingto keep the humor out ofit. Yeah He spoke ina lower voice Its a masterpiece. One of its own. Do you know why it is unique? I looked back blankly Its the same blue and red paint which Leonardo Da Vinci used in one of his greatest paintings, The Madonna Litta. Leonardos pupil Boltraffio used the remaining paints to sketch this. This has been passed from Alexander 2 of Russia to Hermitage Museum from where dad bought it in auction and we got it transferred from wood to canvas. I looked back surprised, suddenlymywhole view shifted. The work looked marvelous and timeless and the strokes magnificent. Its beautiful. I sighed, contemplating, whenhe broke laughing. What? I asked confused. With all that history crap, now you like it. Whats there to like in it? I cleaned my brushes on it and threw it into storeroom. Mum thought plain white canvas loo ked good on this wall, so she hung it here. He was stilllaughingI cant believe you bought that.

I kicked him, too embarrassed. Olivia and Olivers room. He said walkingme inside th e door crafted like a tree withbranches runningallover the wall, stillsnickering . I ignored him. A pop ofpink and a tint ofblue were marvelouslyblended to give the kids rooma boy-girllook. The low beds the tinyindoor escapes laymuddled but I guess it was their exquisiteness that despite ofmakingthemlook uglymade themcut e. Where are the kids? I asked ponderingthe room. On roof, playing. Oh The pictures i animalframes ona dolltable caught myattention. I picked one ofthe frames for a c loser analysis. The twins were infants inthat picture, tugged inseparate cots in hospitalbed maybe. This was taken in the orphanage from where they were adopted. He said not payinga ttentionto the pic. Mum was brought up in the same orphanage. I looked back expres sionlesslybut he obviouslycandissect myanymood. Mum lost her parents in an accide nt when she was 10 he answered, clearingmydoubtfulthoughts She had no relatives so was sent to orphanage. Oh I sighed, lost. WhenOlivia flew fromthe openend ofthe door, rubbingthroughmyleg s chased byOliver and disappearing, I got imbalanced and despite the immense eff ort the glass oflemonade dropped onto the floor followed bythe picture frame. Bo thofthemtouched the ground and scattered to pieces witha horrible sound. It got me too worried and before I could get onmyknees to cleanit up Adicaught m e. Leave it. He said, his eyes towards the door, lookingfor someone to cleanup may be. But I used allmyeffort to bow downas far as I could to start collectingthe glass pieces. Leave it. The housekeeper will clean it up. He ordered takingthe pieces that I managed to pick. Inmylittle reluctance a glass piece cut throughhis finge r and blood started simmeringout ofthe cut. I almost fainted at sight ofit, the glass pieces dropped to the floor as myhands moved towards him. He aggressivelyt ook a step backward Get out of here. he said ina firmtone. I couldnt impede myselff rommovingnearer to him, he was bleeding, he was inpain, because ofme. Stay away from me Samiya. This time he said harshlydwellingangrilyoneachword. I lo oked back confused. His mumcame to anabrupt stop, near the mess that I have crea ted. She was analyzingthe situation, whenAdiordered Mama take Samiya out of here. holdinghis bleeding hand, protectingthe blood fromdroppingonthe floor. You are bleeding. She stated worriedly. Ill take care of it. Can you please take Sa miya away? He said for the hundredthtime, reallypissed. As she turned to look at me, I hesitantlywalked out ofthe room. She called for the house maid to cleanup and left Adia first aid box, to walk me up to the end roomofthe corridor. I too embarrassed couldnt speak anything. AllI wanted was to leave right now. I am sorry aunty. I said mutely. She smiled before I could complete myapology, caressingmyhand Please dont be. Its n ot your fault. Olivia and Oliver are very naughty. With them around we always ke ep our first aid kit ready. I smiled back hesitantly. This is Adis room. She informed me openingthe pale white door hiddeninone corner ofthe semisphericalcorridor. The roomwas lit withthe naturallight flowingsomewhere throughallthe greenonthe o ther side ofthe walls made ofglass. A plane white bed was restingonthe corner to uchingthe glass overlookingthe forest. Books were scattered onthe soft cottonthr ow inthe middle ofthe room. A smallcubicle onthe other end had a sleek table and a transparent ergonomic chair withImac onthe top. The cubicle had few shelves o ccupied bysome more books. Other thanthat the roomwas clear ina sophisticated wa y. And this sophisticationwas veryinviting, to me.

Dr Aleko pulled out a bed like couchfromunder the bed, offeringme seat. I sat di ffidently, contemplatinga hand drawnpicture ofsomeone similar to me ina pale whi te frame on the wall. It was undersigned byAdi. Thats you. Dr Aleko interrupted myt houghts, pickingup the remote pullingout another couch. I looked awaytimidlybut she kept lookingat the frame. The very first to know that Adi can see future, I was totally freaked out. She said e. How did you find out? I asked curiously. He just started walking over the place calling out ranger. I couldnt understand what he was was so obsessed with it that he kept crying time I came turningto m and he was all asking for. He

all day and I didnt know what to do. Next day Tanmays friend gave us his pet dogs p uppy as a present. They named him ranger She sighed Obviously Aadil was very young t o differentiate between a dream and reality but Tanmay figured out, that he was seeing future in his dreams. With Adi, there were many little instances that use d to make me worried. For first few years after his birth almost every day I fou nd out something about him. Her face was grave Its a horrible feeling when you real ize that your baby is not normal in any way. Werent you prepared for the changes beforehand? I asked dubiously.No not at all. I w as told that he will have better senses not that he will recite chapters from my gynecology books in spite of the nursery rhymes. She smiled half heartedlyAadil w as a self persistent child, he never needed me around. He deprived me of all the things a mother does for child. A strange feelingofpityoverwhelmed me. She read the peculiar expressioninmyeyes and altered the subject instantlySince you he is a changed person. For the first time I feel his presence around, he is not locke d in his room with books all the time now. He smiles and talks. She smiled wrylyI wonder if you have hypnotized him? I beamed shylyThats his department. Did he do that to you? she guessed, astonished. I have lost count of how many peop le have become victims to his hypnotizing ability. I revealed He almost proved me mad. Did he? she asked obviouslyamused. His innate gifts are very harmful for people living around him.

Thats not in genes she interrupted too quicklyHis natural insaneness is not enough f or him so he reads all these books to learn this weird stuff. And amazingly it w orks. It didnt work on me. I smiled back proudly.Really? I forget my words when I lo into her eyes. Its not that she has some special immunity. Adiappeared leaningagai nst the door, his finger wrapped ina bandage, eatinga brownnut bar, talkingto hi s mum. These are all reasons. She is special. Her momsmiled prudently, eyeingAdi. He looked back obliquelyIf you say so. Their little conversationwas makingme veryu ncomfortable withallthe blood inmyveins now poolingup inmycheeks. This is yummy m om. Adisaid wavingthe chocolate bar inhis hand make more of these. Did you pick it u p from the refrigerator? her mumasked panicked for some reason. Yeah. He said confu sed, his eyes scanningthe bar. Adi that is the last one. I saved it for Samiya. Sh e said disgusted. Okay. I am sorry. He said nervously. No. Give it to Samiya. I wil l make you more, later. She ordered, genuinely. She will have it next time. He said plainly. I couldnt believe myears, he was not readyto share his chocolate, and A diactinglike a kid was verynew to me. His mother was quiet for a second. Give it to her Adi. She ordered ina muchharshtone, whichoddlyenoughdidnt suit her verywell . He didnt move. I cant deemthat theywere takingsomethingso stupid to this level. T hats fine aunty. I will have it next time. I alleged ina requestingmode. I couldnt handle lettingthese two extremelycalmpeople lose temper for me. Adi are you givin g her it to her or not? she didnt evenflincha little at mywords. Mum please. Adisigh ed. She was onher feet too quickly; I mechanicallystood up behind her. Her face was burningred This is not going to work Aadil. She paused to groanWhat were you sayin g to your dad yesterday? she asked harshly, louder for her usualtone You want to g o to same college with her I strongly suggest that you change your attitude if you

want to see yourself with her in future. She exhaled What do you think? Touching you, your blood or either your saliva will kill her. Educate yourself. If you wi ll keep protecting her from yourself for all these wrong reasons, you will lose her. And seeing you lately I doubt if youll be able to take it Her voice turned in to a painfulwhisper as she walked out ofthe room, closingthe door behind her. I sat onthe bed blankly, staringat Adi. As his mothers words sank everythingstart ed makingsense. His not lettingme touchhim, the blood onhis finger, not sharings omethingthat is eatenbyhim. His mother was right; we cant staytogether ifallhe ha s onhis mind is to keep me awayfromhim. Adis behavior was so resentfulthat it was hurtingme. Where could I possibly start resolvingthings whenhe is sucha huge il literate? He stood there stilllike a pillar oglingback. Mygaze dropped to the fl oor, as mymind went blank. He ambled towards me hesitantlyand kneeled downinfron t ofme. Pulled up mychina little Are you angry with me? his soft voice imbalanced myirate mood. What do you expect? I asked maintaininganysanityleft. I am sorry. He whispered craw lingcloser. He was right there, his face so close to mine. ThoughI wanted to sho ut but his beautyas usualstunned mymind. The exotic fragrance that came fromsome where inside his throat as he breathed turned muchstronger whenhe started speaki ngPlease forgive me. I pulled a little closer as he spoke, ina wild second I tasted his bottomlip diz zilyand flinched back onthe suddenrealizationofmyact, too embarrassed. And I let myhair falland cover myface so that he cant see me. As mysluggishbreathingtook a new pace, he stopped breathingat all. After few seconds I looked up timidlyto c heck onhim, he was still too close. His lips deep red, his eyes eager. He raised his hand and confused tugged myhair behind myear. There was a hesitationinhis a ct but I could feelthat eagerness has defeated him. And thentoo slowlyhis cold crimsonlips pressed verysoftlyagainst mine. His lips gentlylingered onmine. Theywerent prepared for myreactionand I guess neither was I. Blood boiled under myskin, burned inmylips. Mybreathcame ina wild gasp. Myfinger s knotted inhis hair, clutchinghimto me. As I fallback onthe bed, his bodybalanc ed on me. Comfort or no comfort mylips werent readyto leave his. I was fightingfo r breaths whenhe finallypulled back, leavingme wantingmore. Are you okay? he said readjustingme onthe soft mattress, havinga closer look ofmy neck. Checkingonmyinhalation. No. I answered playfully. He smiled cutely, readingm ythoughts Didnt it satisfy your appetite? he asked inreference to the statement tha t I want to eat him. Nope. It made me even hungrier. I muttered honestly. His marv elous bodywas partiallyover mine, his hand fiddlingwiththe lose end ofmyhair. Not more than me. He said softlynot concentratingonmywords. You cant tell how much I w ant you. I objected.

But I can tell how much I want you. He sniffed myhair When I touch you, I want to t ouch your soul. I want us to be one. I want you in ways more than a man can want a ny woman. His armcreated aninescapable snare around mywaist and then I know thats i mpossible which make me want you even more. You dont have to think about all these possibilities and impossibilities. I am here. I am yours. You can do whatever yo u want to. I said innocentlyYou cant hurt me. I wish I couldnt he said his cold fing tracingmycollar bone.If I get HIV will we be equal then? I asked artlessly. He obv iouslyscowled and pulled back quicklymovingawayonthe pillow, leavingmywaist Dont e ver say that word again he ordered firmly. I hesitantlymoved closer and pressed myhead onhis chest, scared ofhim. And he co uldnt resist forgivingme for long, his arms wrapped onmybodyprotectingly. As we l aythere unspokenI was countingonthe ways bywhichI canget HIV. I desperatelywante

d that virus inmybodynow that I knew that Adiwanted me but it was just that litt le difference betweenhimand me whichwas pullinghimback frombecomingus. What was your mum saying about the college thing? that occurred to me belatedly. Da d was asking which medical school I am planning to go. He said watchingme, as I t urned to rest mychinonhis chest and contemplate his attractive features. I said i t depends on where Samiya gets admission.

I was quiet thinkingit over What if I dont make it anywhere? I spoke out mydoubts. G ood question. That got himthinking. He finallyspoke seriouslyconsideringallthe as pects Dad knows people. He can get you a place in India and in America, wherevery ou want. But he added thats the last card, I think you will make it on your own. Goo sighed distracted, restingmyhead onhis chest again. He sensed myswiftlyapprehens ive frame ofmind. Samiya, I always think of this other life we would have had, if things were not wrong. What do you think? I asked inaudibly.

Of me not doing the studies in a traditional way. Asking you from your parents, s o I have every right on your life. And then letting you chose your own way. Livi ng in these mountains, in this house maybe. Me working at clinic and you cooking at home. If you want to. He added smirking.What else? I asked, tempted to know more. aving babies. Genetically engineered babies to give them black skin. He said laug hing, I pushed myface inhis chest too embarrassed, he was throwingback myfantasi es onme. What life we will have now? I couldnt resist asking. He sighed. I will go to colleg e with you. And then. I had to ask whenhe paused. And then I will work where you work. I will be around until you want me to. Do you think my parents will let me live on my own. You have seen how conservative they are. What if they want me to get married. I pushed over for argument sake. But h e got serious about it. I will get out of way, if you will want to get married. He said remorse too clear inhis calmvoice. How will you get out of way? Move place? This is what you call getting out of way? I will figure something out. He said mut ely.So you will just disappear? You wont be worried what happens to me after you l eave? I didnt say that. I will always be watching you without you knowing. He said t oo sincerely. Oh so you will see me getting married to someone else. To Ian or to Sid. I paused, too upset, findingways to hurt himActually you know what I have decided; I will get married to Sid. He growled. I know of another way his lips pressed severelyI will make your parents forget that they have a young unmarried daughter. Hypnotize them. Great. That an swer reallyticked me off. Why dont you hypnotize me and make me forget you. Things would be much simpler. I said harshly. I thought over mywords and got scared onr ealizingwhat he would have heard inthem. I tried, that didnt work. When I look int o your eyes, its me who loses mind. He expatiated cautiously. We were quiet for a while. Mystomachgrowled involuntarily, whenhe got up swiftlyto get downonhis feet Lunch time. He said offeringme his hand to get up. I got up leisurelyand grabbed the ch ocolate bar sittingonthe couch. Say sorry to your mum I ordered fixingmyhair looki nginthe mirror. He besieged wrapped his arms around mywaist and kissed myear slightly Sorry mama. He said cutely. Thoughdazzled I turned too quicklyonone toe and brushed mylips o nhis lips slightlyIts okay beta. I murmured before pullingmyselfawaywalkingout oft he door. Now I knew how to astound him. He caught up withme That was not fair. He said mutelyinhis honeysoft voice. Everything is fair in love and war, honey. I mut tered crookedlymimickingMs Anjali.

His parents were alreadysettingup the diningtable. Dr Aleko gave a hesitant smil e whenshe saw me eatingthe chocolate. I smiled back. I incessantlyprovided anypo ssible help as a generalcourtesy, despite no need ofmyhelp. I have made Chaat for you in the starters. Her mumannounced energized Adi told me you like it. I love it. I answered diffidently. Thougha little embarrassed I couldnt resist gettingmyself a second refill, it was the second best thingI have ever tasted inlife. First we re Adis lips. When I die feed pundits chaat on my barsi and shradh. That will make my soul content. I whispered inAdis ear, without givingmuchofa thought about what I was saying. He couldnt resist laughing, Cartoon. He said to himself. And thenadd ed reflectingonmyprevious statement, spectatingmyinvolvement withthe dishMake sur e you eat chaat on my shradh. That will make my soul content. I scowled. I didnt l ike the talk ofhim leaving me inanyway. And thenhis face was abruptlyserious. Th e mainmealwas a funnycombination. We had Indianfood served withPizzas. I took a bit ofeverythingfor courtesysake. So where are you kids going? Dr Tanmayasked Adio ffhandedly. To the research lab. He chided withanartificialcough. His mumgroaned Arent there any other better places to hang around. That statement confused himfor a second, he ogled me endearinglyDo you want to do something else ? No. Research lab sounds fun. I lied, not meetinghis gaze for more thana second. I genuinelywanted to show enthusiasmabout whatever he likes to do withhis free tim e and mine. Good. He turned around smilingSo mum we will be downstairs. I looked at himconfused . The lab is in the basement. He said consciously. Wow. He tricked me into that on e. After lunchhe walked me wrylyto the basement throughthe stairs, whichno outsi der canever know exist, as their entrance layhiddensomewhere inthe kitchengarden . The motionsensor lights lit ahead ofus as we walked, as ifwe were chasingthem. T he corridor ended to semitransparent glass doors. Adiput his palmonthe LCD scree nonthe wall, a greenilluminationscanned his hand and the doors slide to let us i n.

Secret doorsss I said crookedlysingingmywords. He laughed aloud, rollinghis eyes W e have it secure because of Olivia and Oliver. Its not that we are making Hulk h ere. he said laughing. They made you in one of these labs. I joked.Very true. He agr smiling. I was captivated bysurprise whena whole cityfellinto lights infront ofme. The la b was massive, it was separated into compartments and eachofthemhad their names hangingat their doors. We started the tour withDr Rathores clinic. The devices we re marvelous and muchmore advanced thanI could have imagined. There was a huge r ange ofverycontemporary laboratoryequipment. I heard Adis heart beat patent and l oud bymeans other thanstethoscope as he generallyhears mine.

This is mums clinic. He informed openingdoor to the last cubicle. What is this? I as ked touchingdelicatelyagainst huge complicated equipment withscreenand allsorts ofwires hanging. Its an ultrasonography machine he announced without muchattentiont owards me, pullingaside the curtains hanginginmiddle ofthe room. Whats this? I aske d contemplatingthe boxlike storage device put inone ofthe shelves. Its a nitrogen cylinder. He answered distracted fixinga slide under the microscope. Whats it used for? Its used in the process of Oocytes cryopreservation. Whats that? I asked impuls ly. He finallylooked up fromthe eye piece Question mark. He said smiling. I thought we were here for my tour not for your entertainment. I insisted. Yeah. Thanks for reminding me. he murmured suppressinga grinSo where were we. Yes. Oo cytes cryopreservation is the process of extracting and freezing womens eggs.

I looked back amazed can that happen in real? Anything you can think of.. can happ en in real. Our gazes locked for a moment; his deep blue eyes looked suddenlymischievous. De spite his brilliant mind or his incomparable face or his glorious bodyI guess we were working onthe same frequencyinthat moment. He was havingthe same thoughts as mine. What are you thinking? he gave me anopportunityto speak first. I started undecide dlyI was wondering can we freeze my eggs? Just for fun? Its a long process. Its not like freezing hens eggs he said sarcasticallyand it will be painful, we will have t o give you few hormone injections. Do you think taking injections is painful for m e? I asked manifestly. He nodded as ifyes. Oh please. I have gained perfection in th at one area. I revealed confidently. Thoughnot onthe same page but he finallychose to went alongwiththat. Its a two week process. We will have to give you ten days worth of hormone injecti ons to stimulate your egg production. And then after ten days we will have to ta ke the measurement, do the blood tests and count the number of eggs. He sighed And then a medication trigger ovulation is given and the eggs will be removed from the body using an ultrasound guided needle through the vagina, under sedation. A nd then we will have to freeze the eggs immediately which will be my job. I looke d back amazed yet pleased Do you know how to do all that? Yeah I do he said raisingh is brows as ifthat is somethingobvious. So lets do it doc. I said readinghis sundry expressionI am not scared. Well I am he replied too quickly, leaningawayfromme. He gave me allthe crap onhurt ingme withsyringe, sedatingme and this and that. But Allinalldespite argument an d stuff, I won. I wont lie, it didnt hurt evena little whenhe pressed the syringe throughmyskin, maybe because ofthe measures he took withchoosingsyringe and stra ppingmyarmor because ofthe distractionofsugar he shoved inmymouth. What does eggs look like? Are they white in color with babies inside them? I asked as he washed his hands at the sink. He glared back blanklyand after a longpause spoke relent ingNo human chicks need male sperm to hatch and no they are not white and they ar e invisible to human eye. He explained. Oh I sighed. I cant believe they have been teaching you reproductive system for alm ost a decade. he said wondering. I looked back confused, unable to figure whyhe s aid that. And too swiftlyhe added smilingPromise me you will never ever go near to a hospital for the purposes of health services. He was confusingme Not that Ill want to. I said shrugging. He couldnt stop smilingdoing his doctor stuff. The wayhe was actinginthere, like a grownup or a doctor maybe reallyturned me on, ifthats what theysayit. What? he asked oblivious ofthe amount oftime I have beenstaringat him. All of a sudden you are too hot to me. I think its the hormone injection you gave me. I said pressingmylips, makinga vaguelystaid face. He laughed aloud. First of all, these hormones have nothing to do with sex drive and secondly even if they do they wont start working instantly. He turned allmordant So girl you bett er keep your eyes off me. Okay? he asked smirking. I couldnt answer; as I was too busylaughing. The phone onthe side wallrang. Yes mu m! Adisaid smirking. And thenhe paused Wont be long. Mum is calling us upstairs. He smiled Babu is here. I forgot to tell you this morni ng mum has employed him as a caretaker to this house. He will move in with Pihu once she is discharged. I amnot sure how exactlyto thank himenoughfor doingthat, I was incrediblyhappy. Thank you so very much. I murmured. Save it he twittered because I have something el

se. I am taking you for a drive tomorrow and was planning that we will stop by t o see Pihu. I love you. I said excitedlythrowingmyarms around his neck. He withshee r ease picked me up inhis arms and said smilingSay it again. Walkingtowards the do or. I love you I whispered shyly. Again. I love you. Id allbut forgottenthat it was Alekos home. It was Adis home and I was comfortable init, myfears seemed unnecessa ry. He finallyput me downand straightened me as we reached the kitchengarden. I followed Adito the sitting, where allthe sounds ofthe house were concentrated. Babuexcited rose to his feet as he saw us. His back as ofits naturalcurve bent a bit and he greeted us, excessivelyobliged. I too shywas tryingto hide behind Ad i, to let himdo all the talking. After a while the meetingsuspended and Adiwent to show Babuout ofthe house, leavingme alone withhis parents. And thus myfamous fear revisited. He speaks for Samiya. Dr Tanmaysaid smilingIsnt it strange I have ne ver seen him speaking for himself before. I thought we have failed on teaching h im socializing etiquettes. Dr Aleko smiled back I told you he is a different person altogether. I like him th is way. Dr Tanmaywondered out aloud, he turned to look at me Thank you beta. He sai d hesitantly. I should have said somethinglike I didnt change himor that I didnt a sk himto do that but I just couldnt, like always. Can I ask you something? his dad said uncertain. Of course uncle. I used allmyvigor but stillthe volume was prettyl ow. Arent you scared of getting infected from him? he asked too barely. Tanmay Dr Ale ko interrupted indisgust. No uncle. Not at all. This time I wasnt fightingfor words, theywere comingto me nat urallyIn fact I wish that I get infected. I want to be treated normally unrestric tedly around him. His parents were quiet for a longminute, absorbingmythoughts, w hichmaybe were insane to them. Samiya what are your plans after school? Dr Aleko a sked breakingthe awkward silence, smilingI mean now that you know that your plans are his plans, so I am just interested. I smiled back. I am not like him, I wont have choices. I shrugged I will go wherever I get seat. He must have told you. I added reticently.Actually. Bothofhis parents started talkingat the same time. I couldnt help myselfincontrollingthe laughter, injoiningthem.You go. Dr Aleko said offeringDr Tanmayto sayit. Actually Adi was pushing for doing his MD before he came here, before meeting you . Now he has changed his mind and apparently we have changed ours. He sighed What we are thinking is you can do your medicine degree in Ohio and Adi can do his sp ecialization in the same college. And he laid too muchpressure onthe last word fr ighteningme And you can live at our place. We want to do it official, with your p arents permission of course. As I sat there waitingfor someone to wake me up, whichnaturallydidnt happen, I re alized Rathores were proposingme to be intheir house, intheir lives officially as inlike a daughter inlaw or a wife to their son. Is that a possibilityinanyways? Canhe be mine to keep for always? I havent yet realized the whole pleasure ofthis new agenda whensuddenlyAdis fierce voice woke me, ina piercingway Samiya get up. I will drop you to school. I couldnt understand what wrongI did. His mumgot up to takinga step towards him, he moved back inaninvisiblyquick second. Adi we were just suggesting. Its yours and her ch oice in the end. She said pleading. Mum his voice was hard and fierce, thoughI woul d never admit to himbut it was scaringme How many times have I told you, that the re is no future between me and her. Why do you think that way? his muminterrupted.Oh please mum. He said loathingWhy are you being so mean. You want to kill her to fi t me into a comfort zone. His dad got up, too aggravated himself.Thats totally disg usting. Your being with her wont make her sick. There are rules which have to be followed. He said impulsively.

Dad we are talking of a lifetime here. You know one petite mistake will be enough to he left the words hanging, unable to sayit again. And thenother thingoccurred to himbelatedlyAnd what are you going to tell her parents? Do you think they will marry their daughter to someone who is HIV positive. He exhaled I ask you mum if I would have been at Samiyas place and she at mine, would you have married me to someone with HIV? She was quiet but inpainI could see as she dropped onto the chair, lifelesslyProb ably not. She whispered You are right. I am acting mean. He talked his parents into it; theywere withhimonthat. Inthe whole scenario I was the one who felt defeate d. I was the one against everyone Adi, his parents, myparents and probablythe wh ole world.I dont care of what everyone thinks. Of what you think. I will make sure now that we are even, just for the sake of it. I said too harshly, as mybreathin gstarted to accelerate. It made himangrier Say good bye to mum. You are not coming back here again. I kne w I wasnt readyfor that yet. As usualmyanger faded after showingjust a glimpse of it and I got up a little too embarrassed. His mumhugged me, clutchingme close to her, thoughit was a newlyformed bond yet it was strong, maybe thats the possible reasonofthe painit was causingme to pulla way and his dad waved bye ina grave face as iftryingto saywish I could help. He unlike this morningdidnt openthe door ofthe car for me. The engine roared and withinfew seconds the whole view diminished behind me. The pace withwhichthe car was movingwas frightening. His hand was too tight over the steeringwheeland the free hand pulled up infist. He was smoldering, his face burningred. He didnt loo k into mydirection at all; it was like he didnt want to see me. I was too biga coward to touchhim, or to sayevena word inmydefense. It was more thanintricate for me to get used to his mood swings. But now I knew the cause fo r their occurrence. It was just one. It was just that I dreamt of being with him forever. And to mydespair, he wanted the same too but just withrippingawaythe f orever part. Whywashe doingthis to me. He said he wants to give me whatever I wa nt, cant I have that little almost insignificant thing. I dont need marriage. Its j ust a piece ofpaper, believe me. But I need a confirmationto hold onto, a tougha ffirmationthat no he willnever change his mind, he willnever leave me for anyoft he crap he throws onmyface allthe time. We entered the gates ofPinegrove too quicklythanI have realized. Now that the sunw as setting, the schoollooked lethallydrained oflife; the view was beautifuland s caryjust at the same time. Similar to Aadil. He drove allthe wayto the stairs of mydormand double clutched or raced or did somethingthat the engine ofhis car kep t roaringas he waited for me to leave. I hoped that he will at least look at me but he didnt evenflinch. I aggressivelyreleased the door ofth e car, laydowna foot but thenchanged mymind as ifhad anadrenaline rush. I turned back too quicklywithout givinghimor myselftime to think, I leaned closer to himinhalingde ep breathofhis too exotic and warmscent and clutched myarms around his neck, I l ocked my mouthfeverishlyto his. Pressingagainst themas hard as I possiblycould. It wasnt desire at all- it was need, acute to the point ofpain. He struggled with me gentlyas he could in his surprise, tryingto move me away. But he gave up perh aps because he was unable to do that without hurtingme or either his need was un bearable inthat moment as myown. But whatever the reasonhe surrendered lettingme enjoyhim. He wanted to saysometh ingbut againmylips silenced his and thentheystarted movinginperfect synchronizat ionas mine. His hand twisted elegantlyinmyhair, while mine were holdingonto his.

Thoughmylips shaped around his but it was me who was forceful. Mybodyas muchas possible pressed against his onits own. I couldnt live without that, without him, for even a second. And thenI wanted more, to press against his marble like chest, to care ss everypart of his, to love himto core. As he finallysucceeded inunbalancingmyt oo comfortable position, mylips lost their hold, but instead ofpushingme awayhe adjusted myhead onhis chest. The taste ofhimunlike that daywas muchstronger. I l iked its dryand sun- flavored scent, light yet strongoverpoweringme and yet that would be anunderstatement. This was what I was talking about. He sighed his voice soft as silk, without anytr ace ofanger we cant be together in a safe way. Just like fire and water. I guess I a m the fire. Its me who burns any which way. I said gentlycaressingthe skinonhis co llar bones, pullingthe collar ofhis shirt to a side. Whatever but we cut each oth er. I cause you physical pain and you cause me psychological, which might seem p etite to you but trust me, its freaking me out. Dont you think that its not a confli ct, its a balance between us? You need me and I need you. So thats why you need me. I shouldnt have envied Sara. She has been right all along . Its just about my looks, your physical desires. his voice sounded like he was sm iling. Or maybe I love you and its just a part of it. I suggested severelyYou are ma king me feel like a vamp, full of lust and all. He chuckled I am just kidding. I w ant your love any which way. Be it my looks or be it my fate. I sat motionless pr otected inhis arms, onhis chest, the safest place to be, inmyworld. I wont mind us being here, but probably heady will have concerns. He said wryly. Good. Hope that happens. He will throw me out of the school and my parents wont ta ke me in too embarrassed of my deed. And I wont have money to go to school and to feed myself, so youll have to do all that and provide a roof over my head. And m aybe we will share the same roof. I said buildingmychainofthoughts. He suppressed a grin or maybe you go upstairs now and Ill see you later. I clutched himevencloser for one second and thenreleased him. I dont want you to go. I said i nnocentlytearingapart. I dont want to go either. He sighed Do you have Ms Renus offic e number? I asked mischievously. Yeah maybe. Call me after 9.00. I will have the rin ger on the phone turned down. He smiled back desolately. I had a feelingthat myob sessionwithhim, worried himconstantly, and it showed up onhis face and inhis act s ocassionaly. Isnt the male chauvinist ego about it, makinga girlfallmadlyinlove tillthe point that she chooses love over everything. What was incorrect withAdi, whywas he pol es apart from menofmen are from mars and women are from Venus. Maybe allmenare n ot fromMars; maybe some are fromJupiter or evenmore theatrical, frommoon. Whatever. He waited for me to leave and I waited for him, so allinallwe bothwere there for muchmore thanfew minutes. He too worried for mysafetyand allfinallyga ve up, and his eyes didnt leave me untilhe dropped out ofthe view entirely. I didnt want to go up to a bare dormwithmore than50 beds lyingallbythemselves, wa tchingmyeverymove, me the centre ofattentioninthis ghost city. Where Sara says s ouls roaminsummers and Adisays people leave their voices to be heard later. Ofco urse now that I should least think about it, allthat horror stuffwas comingback to me, as ifI wanted to scare myselftoo. A jolt offright stuck me and I found my selfrunningto where I mayfind life. Library ofcourse. I didnt have mykey, I banged the door as hard as I possiblycoul d, someone swore inthe close vicinityat the idiot at the door who came to librar y without a keycard. Its me Sid. I answered uncomfortably. He appeared, now smiling , holdingopenthe door for me. Here have some water. He said offeringhis gymbottle.

I too hesitantlystraightened up, grabbingit crawlingawayfromwhere he sat, ina w aythat he wont realize. What are you studying? I asked flickeringmyeyes frombook to book inthe mess created onthe table. Now that he was hypnotized, I was just a c lass mate to him, I guess Adigave me a chance to start allover again, without ha vingto worryabout givinghimwrongindications. Physics. He smiled. God I hate that word. I mean for you its okay, with your engineering and all. But why would doctors need physics. I have a long list of questions for whoever cre ated the whole education system. Its not them, its you. What do you mean? You just ant to study...anything Sid? I said it as a question, amazed. He spoke witha suretyH anging around with boy friend wont help. Trust me I have been there. I gave a sus picious stare. Not with a boy. He altered the statement swiftly. You are right. I mu rmured suddenlytoo worried about mystudies. What should I do? I am not going to tel l you anything. He said ironicallyWhats the point you are not going to follow. I will Sid. I will. Just tell me. Okay He swallowed as he said that Go and grab your physi cs books, I promise you, and Ill help you clear any entrance if you cooperate wit h me this summer. Wow. I was almost hopping, too excited. Ill be right back. I said gettingup too hastily.Ill be waiting he shouted behind me. For a minute I was just a kid- a kid who had lived allofher life preparingfor this one exam. Nothingbut just one exam. Inthat moment allI knew was that I willhave to make it, this willbe what I have to earnnext to Adi. I fearlesslyranallthe wayback to the dorm, ina damnhurryto get started, before I change mymind. I was onthe last sta ir to dorm whenI realized I didnt have mykeyonme. OhChrist. What was I supposed t o do now? The keywas lyingsafelyinside mytracks hanginginthe restroom. I inmyacc elerated breathingreached the dormdoor. He was there. He was back, leaning again st my dorm door. Is it you or am I dreaming? He was allserious. I had to come back. He spoke politelyshowinga student ID there was this problem, that you forgot your key in my car and. He paused hesitantlythen there was abigger problem. You spendi ng night with Sid. You are lying. About the first part. My key is in inside pocket of my track lower s, which are in the rest room. I said impulsively.Is that a duplicate copy of my k ey? I asked deliberately. His blank expressionaltered into a smile fullofguilt, a s he handed me myfake ID Well you broke my locker..so. he had that inhis defense. I went a little closer to caress the crimsonred inhis facialcavityI love the way you lie. I whispered. And without givinghimchance to replyI took his hand and pulled himinside. His ha nd slid to the switchboard but I stopped it Dont. Ms Gladys will come to check if she notices someone is inside. I was planning he hesitated On staying here overnight . Do you think she will come for round? I was umm and aaaas for a while captivate d bya pleasant shock as ifI have hit a bumper lotterywhose ticket I never bought inthe first place. No. No. I gasped Not if I go and see her, before she comes. Well then.

Yeah. I hesitated Thats my bed. I said pointing. Of course you have access to my dorm so you must know where my bed is but just in case. I babbled too confused bythe pleasant near future. I went over board onthe issue ofmypsychologicalsafety, whenI went to see Ms Glad ys. Ill be fine mam. I am just going to bed now. I have locked the windows and all , its safe. And trust me ghost crap doesnt scare me. She was sensingmynervousness I guess her lips onthe tip ofher specs swinginginhe r hand and her eyes contemplatingthe sweat onmyneck. You can come to my room, if you feel scared. I have a spare bed. Thank you mam.Good night. I said as I turned aro und bitingmylower lip twitchingmyeyes. I heard myselfprayingaloud enoughinmyheart. I quicklylocked the door, once insid

e ofthe dorm. As I stood there inhalingthe fragrance ofcologne alreadymixed with the odor ofthe room, the lamp onmybedside flicked on. All done. I sighed walkingto wards him. He was onmybed, mypillow tugged verticallybehind his back, His feet b are, and his eyes glittering. You should have told me about your visit. I smiled s tupidlyI would have put up fresh linen. Thats good I came uninvited then. He was sternI more than like it, this way. It smel ls like lavender and berryish, of jasmines actually. He said confused It smells of you. That was this strange divine love inhis eyes again. You make yourself at home. I r ushed towards mycupboard, tryingto be quick And I will have a quick shower. I coul d feelhis eyes onme contemplatingmyeverymove Talking to Ms Gladys was tough. I sw eat my ass off. He smiled back I know I was listening. Take your time. He added polit ely. I fledged to shower bare foot, tried to get rid ofthe anxiousness I was feelingu nder the runningwater, it did help a little. I brushed myteethand used everythin ginsight for a fragranced breath, pastes, mouthwashes and anelaichidyinginside t he pocket ofmylowers.

I rushed onmytoes inmyshorts and tee allthe wayback to mybed and climbed init to o quickly, without doinganythinkingfurther thanI alreadydid. He tugged me close Y ou look nice. Ha. I baffled.I swear upon everything thats holy. Okay. I trust you. d playfully.You better do. He said winking.What did you tell your parents? I asked w hile he was busyunfoldingthe blanket over mybare legs.I called them saying I am s taying at headys. he smiled crookedlyI am in a way. This is headys I was absorbed int e previous statement.Do you stay there a lot? Not a lot. Remember when I was absent for a while and showed up in the evening, I told you I wasnt back in the school yet. Yeah. I whispered too softly.I wasnt lying. I was at headys That explains. I o why do you have my fake ID? He cringed. For times like these. I gave himanawfulst are. Well I have used it sometimes. Give me number. I said tryingto sound harsh. In the very beginning, when you did not know me, I didnt get to see you as much as I wanted to, so I crashed here at nights. He was wonderingaloud and then when we fought, you used to cry sitting on the bathroom floor after midnight when everyo ne used to sleep he was hurtinghimself, recallingthose memories I used to sit outs ide the bathroom and cry with you. He couldnt speak after that.Thats okay Adi. I said overwhelmed You can keep the key. e was quiet and I was quiet. It was almost time; I had to talk about the evening . Adi what was that anger all about...at your home? He exhaled. Samiya please under stand. I cant give you what you are asking for. He said caressingmyface; his hands were dead cold, theywere so soothinginthat warmweatherPromise of a lifetime. Whe n I dont have any idea if Ill be alive tomorrow. I opened mylips to saysomethingbut he pressed his finger against them. I want to give you things that make you happy; I dont want to give you hope, or a fear or a lifetime of mourning as a widow. I told you, I like colors on you. Do you think Il l ever give you white for the rest of your life. Adi who knows what will happen. I argued irritated but he was noddinghis head bef ore I could finish. No Samiya. No. I swallowed back the words whichwere simmeringi nmythroat, makinghimangrywas the last thingonmyagenda right now. But I couldnt re sist confessinghimsomething. Adi you know when you take seven rounds around the fire, you give seven promises to each other, thats what is labeled as marriage in our religion. I exhaled slowl y The whole point of the ritual is to make those promises in the name of God. To me the last part is marriage. And I married myself to you a while ago. So you acce

pt it or not, misery or happiness, you are my future, I am not leaving you, ever .

His calmbreathblew over myhead, he was thoughtful. What promises did you make? he asked intriguingme. I dont think youll want to listen them. Trust me I dont like a wo d that comes out of your mouth. But I guess I bear that too so Ill survive. He was upset withme, already. It was hard for me to put themto words, but I guess he h ad the right to know. I started as ifdreaming For every promise they say, there i s a price to pay They arent made easily; they are a debt unpaid They are my very first decisions, I have thought them through I know they are meant to be kept, t hats why I have made so few. Our love is not at all normal, though delicate yet i t is a bond So I promise to bind it always and will try to make it strong. I pro mise Ill be there when youll need a hand to hold, Ill be waiting by the window even if you leave me in nights long and cold. Between breathing and loving, I promis e Ill chose the later And I promise I will let you go, if you think you were mean t to do better I promise Ill try to be a light, you said that illuminates your so ul And I promise to be only yours forever; you are the only person who makes me whole. I have made these promises to you, only if in my mind And Ill stand by the m, till the end of time. I sighed, myeyes closed, tryingto hold onto those unshed tears, layingonhis too smoothchest. He was so still, not movingto breathe even. Adi. I whispered quietly. Hun. He said ina voice heavywithpain. Am I hurting you? I aid readjustingmyweight onhis chest. Not physically. He replied gentlypullingme ba ck inmyprevious position, I wont denyI was too comfortable inthat. What do you wan t from me Samiya? You already know Adi. Put it in words for me. he begged. I was myst ified bythe poisonous fragrance comingoffhis skindraggingme awayfromreality. Give me HIV. Then there will be nothing to worry about. I said halfsleeping. I was waitingfor his anger whichdidnt show up. His arms were stillwrapped around me so that was a good sign. I too tiered ofcarryingthe argument further drifted to sleep. It was a soothingcomfort inhis closeness, the little circulationofair because ofthe movingwings ofceilingfan, the moonwinkingat me frombetweenthe clou ds, the silent noise ofthe curtains ofthe window playingwithbreeze and Adis below normalbodytemperature. I willsaythat was the best night ofmyexistence. I put al lthe bags ofanxieties and tensions I was carryingsince age of6 onhis shoulder an d slept like I used to sleep tenyears ago, like a daddys little girlallprotected and safe. Weird, but evenwithhimnext to me mydreaminghabitualdidnt alter. I dreamt ofhimas usual. I was withAdi, he was walkingme throughthe woods, it was so realso vividso sensorywhenhe turned to kiss me, unprotected, withmuchmore passionwhenI woke int he dark, witha suddenshock. It was Adi, he just winced under me. I got up too qu icklyand turned onthe bedside light Adi? I said, myhands shakinghimgently, but he was awake. His face panicked, utterlyastonished at the same time. Ananxious angels fa ce, diminthe darkness. His breathingnot so calm. He was oglingme as ifhe has see na ghost. I dont wear makeup duringdayso it had to be somethingelse. Are you alrig ht Jaan? I asked too worried caressinghis head, gentlykissingonhis forehead. He d idnt reply instantly. I had a dream. He finallygasped. Was it a bad dream? I asked, now sighinginrelief. He had a nightmare, I thoughit was somethingelse. Yeah. He said silently, too tens e. Thats okay. It was just a dream. I said cuddlinghis face withmyfingers, whichwas like anantidote to myburningskin. He pulled me closer, touchingmylips withhis. His perfect face was almost severe withthe depthofemotion. The kiss wasnt verytender but it was adoring. It made me forget everything. He beganthe kiss, and he had to end it; I clungto himlike spi der to his cobweb. Onthe surface he was pretendingto be okay, but underneathsome thingwas bugging him. And thena suddenvoice echoed inmybrain, a fact that I was

capable offorgetting. Was it one of those dreams Adi? I asked, mywords rangtoo clear, withsuspicions. Hi s stillness was myanswer. What did you see? I asked forcinghimto look into myeyes. Nothing. He sighed and pulled me back inhis embrace. The faded greylight ofthe skywoke me up inthe morning. Earlymorning. Everythingw as verybeautifulinthat dimlight. I slightlyopened myeyes, myheart poundingwithdo ubts, I couldnt feelhimagainst me, maybe he left. But I was more thandelighted to be proved wrong. He was there, watchingme witha strange intensityinhis eyes, as ifseeingme for the first time. You are here? I rejoiced, and thoughtlesslysat there unmoved too happyto show it o ffproperlyinanappropriate way. I watched himcautiously, breathinginthe smellofhi s skin. You think I could leave you sleeping, without hearing bye from you. He said his voice tender withlove. I blushed. So will I see quickly. And I up in an hour. t two of us for you for the coaching class today? I was confirming. Nope. He said too was like as ifI have falleninto a pit. Get ready. I will pick you We are bunking the class. He said authoritatively.Bunking. Its jus the class. I didnt evenhave the guts to ask him, why?

Againhe embraced me too closely, withdeep angst as he walked out ofthe door. I g ot dressed languidly, mymind stillwonderingover the last night. I dont know what went wrongwithAdi; the night was more thanperfect to me. Sid didnt talk to me at the breakfast table. And I as usualfailed inapologizingen ough. People didnt like me; I was hurtingthemallthe time. Thoughunintentionallyye t I had a feelingmytime was up, somethingbad was about to happen. And it would b e myKarma for sure. TheysayKarma is a bitch; it slaps you right in the face. I w as goingto get slapped prettysoon. Aditook allthe permissions and stuff, before he showed up infront ofthe libraryt o pick me. He wasnt talking, at all, as he walked me to the car. Adi are you alrig ht? I said pleading, his moods were killingme. Did I do something wrong? I am sorry. He sighed, guiltyIts not you. I am just... he cut that thought midway. Okay. Where do you want to go? he asked calmer thanbefore. I smiled back. Actually I was wonde ring can we go shopping. I said excited I want to buy something for Pihu. Of course. Yes. I could feelhe was goingover the top now. We drove allthe wayto Shimla. The situationwas reversed for once inthe car today . Adiwas playing the question mark. He asked me allthose sillyquestions. Sillybe cause they were not intellectual, he was testingmyphysics, chemistryand biology. I meanit was like myworse fears turningreal. How I wished there was a muchstron ger word to describe humiliation. Stop Adi. Please I literallybegged, joiningmyhands. He smiled mischievously, Well you were supposed to this with Sid. I was just helping. Its okay with Sid. I smiled cringingBut you have already called me duffer once. That was for other reasons. What reasons? There are so many. For a start you spent last night with me. he smiled wicke dly. I scowled. Now that he was puttingit into words, it was sort ofembarrassing .Okay I have got another one for you. He said lumberingup for another ofhis questi on, whichsounded like piglatinto me.Adiiii I shouted, cuttingdownhis volume bycove ringmyears withmyhands. His laughter clear and loud ranginmyears. It was funto h im. We hunted books for Pihuand few clothes. Can we check out a toy shop? I am no t going to buy anything, just like that. He got allserious I am not your mum Samiya. Do anything you want to. If buying th ings for Pihu makes you happy, I am more than pleased to do that with you. He sai d raisinghis hands, makinganagreeable face.

 Cool. I answered, leadinghiminside. What do you want to buy? he asked courteously, amblingbehind me. A doll. They have heaps that side. He said tryingredirectingme, po intingtowards another rack. With a house. I added sturdilywithout lookinginto his eyes. He smiled, lookingdownat his feet Of course. He added, nodding. I didnt have manyoptions, to pick from. Whats wrong with this one? He asked tryingto keep his co ol, whenI wasnt too readyto buyit despite his marvelous presentationonthe feature s ofthe dollhouse. It is missing quite a number of rooms. Study room, prayer room , gym.. He glared back inamazed irritationThis is a house for people with mediocre income . You know how hard it is He broke out midway, laughing. Lets buy this one. I promis e Ill build her few extra rooms on top of it. I agreed, didnt have anychoice. It was tremendous hard work to fit that thinginto car Dont you want to buy something for yourself? He asked fixingthe car boot. The t hings I need are not sold in shops. I sighed. He didnt sayanythingto that, untilwe were back onroad. So where are they sold? He never drops things promptly. If I had known, Ill probably have had them. The velocityofthe car was moderate, we were inno hurry. I opened the pack ofbrea d and broke it downinto crumbs languidly. I was inmyhappyplace right now. And I bet the greentrees and the clear blue skies and evenAdiwere not the onlyreasons. Adi I feel very strongly about Pihu. I whispered She doesnt feel like a passerby to me. It feels as if she has some sort of connection. As if I owe her something t hat I dont yet know of. He was quiet, listening. Is it because she is handicapped? I asked mutely.Quite pos sible. We were silent; the tonaladjustment ofthe surround systemofthe cars audio set up was bringingout the peculiar qualityofthe playingsong, whichwas soothing. Which song is it? How to save a life... he looked a little into mydirectionby Fray. Its a new band. I dont understand the words of the song. But I like it. I whispered t alkingto myself.Get ready he interrupted excitedlyhere comes the monkeys. He slowed the car a little and I threw bread onthe sides, theywere like players ofa footballteamfightingover crumbs, theyranalongwiththe car. One carryinga tiny little baby around her neck, I couldnt help beingpartialto her. And theneventuall yI ranout, but I didnt look back, coward as I am, trust me I was gettingsome awfu lstares fromhungry people out there. We hit the road back informonce I cleared the after bread mess. We were drivinga longwiththe fine line ofthe Renuka reserve forests, whenAditurned downthe volume a little. He heard some roar ofwater droppingfromheight. His eyes glittered as he said that theres a waterfall nearby. A mere kmawaya little lane hid denbetweenthe mountains, divergingfrommainroad took us to the cascade. It was a backdrop for a localtemple. Badholia temple it said. It laid hiddenbetweenthe lust s greendrenched forests, withanold priest mopingaround, doinghis rituals. As soo nas we rungthe temple bell, withinfew seconds anarmyofmonkeys clamber out ofthe rocks, scaringhellout ofme. I was hidingbehind Adi, whenpriest gave us Prasad to f eed them.

Adibought the whole lot frompunditjibut we failed to please them. Monkeys are so human, nothingis ever enoughfor them. I sighed Have you ever tried hypnotizing m onkeys? I was consideringbringingAdis abilityto use now. I tried. It didnt work. Real y? I asked amazed. He gave a laughoglingme. Adiiii I shouted as he ranfor his life, withme huntinghimdown. 11. PIHUI was feelingtoo soggywhenwe reached the hospital. But I couldnt resent i t, because I myselfwas to be blamed. I started the water fight. I think I wont mi

nd a bed here myself. I said witha shiver. He stopped what he was doingbecomingst illlike a statue, onlyhis lips movingAre you cold? Ha..I was just saying for the sa ke of saying something. In this temperature, I wont mind taking my shirt off. I in sisted regrettingto have said that. He drivingme back to change was the last thi ngI wanted right now. I will mind. you taking your shirt off... He debated wryly, before movingback to w ork. The hospitalwas inthe same positionas we have left it last week. But I was different today, now that I knew Pihuwas alright, everythingwas fine byme. She w as there, allpink, fromclothes to cheeks, scribblingona notebook. She didnt look up as we entered, too lost inher ownworld. But Babuwas onhis feet, obliged as al ways. He was sayingsomething, to smile, cheeks tender rs but I hesitantlywent to pullher up inmyarms lprotocolyoufollow whenshe looked up. Her eyes little moist, lips curved in withtinypink dimples. She was shy. Babuloffered the chai around sittingnext to her onher bed. I desperatelywanted and hugher close to myself, but I guess thats not a norma

witha stranger, so I had to hold myselfback. I smiled lookinginto her prettyblac k eyes, What are you writing? I asked glancingover to look at her paper. It was a sketchof Babu, reallyawesome I would sayfor someone that age. You drew that? I as ked surprised. She just smiled pullingher face into her pillow, I was makingher shy. She was such a doll. I passed the paper over to Adi, feelingtoo proud boast ingher abilities. I was tellingBabuthat I have got her few books, whenshe got up hesitantlymovingcloser, her eyes onmyhands; she touched the gemofmyringslightlyand looked back at me. Without her sayingI actuallyknew what she meant. Yeah. Thanks. I got it back. I said politely , caressingher face. She took myhand inbothher hands, and closed her eyes. I smi led confused, lookingat Babu. He was cautious, She is reading your mind. She has a sixth sense. She will see what you are seeing in your mind right now. Really? I a sked amazed Did she tell you that? Yeah she draws pictures of things she sees in ot hers minds. They say you need to have five senses. She is deaf and dumb so thats h er active sense. He was stilltalking, whenshe blinked at me, openingher tinyarms, offeringme to h old her. I wanted to hugher. She saw that inmybrain. I overwhelmed, went closer and took her into myarms too quicklyas I was scared that the moment willpass. I dont know what feelingwas that, I have never had that before, maybe mother daught er, as it was peace, an immense peace. Adiwent bythe chemist to buyPihus medicine s. I didnt know how to be ofassistance to Babuwithout humiliatinghim, but Adiheav ed it verywell. I and Pihu gossiped, not inthe literalsense ofthe word, but yet that was the best conversat ionI have had witha girlfriend ina longtime. Adis trip was short; he was arrangin gmedicines at the table sittingnext to her, whenshe blinked askingAdito come clo ser to her. Her communicationetiquettes brought a vivid smile to his lips, whenh e was close enough; his head bowed downa little to come to her level, she took h is hand and closed her eyes. It took animperceptiblysuddensecond to take awaythe beamfromhis lips. A plainexpressionof painshowed up onhis face. And thentoo pro mptlyshe opened her eyes, this time shock sucked anytrace ofshyness or happiness fromher babyface. She dropped his hand at once, pullingher face into pillow, he r breathinghard, she was sobbing. Baburushed towards her, she didnt stop crying. We walked out ofthere. What was that Adi, What did she see. I asked puzzled.I dont know. He replied gravely . Somethingwas terriblyerroneous, that was clear onhis face. I kept budginghimto tellme. But I failed. His face somber, eyes onthe road and t

he lips pressed together. His facialexpressionwerent changingas ifhe wasnt listeni ng. I couldnt believe his stubbornness. The light ofhis cellphone was goingonagai n. The phone was onsilent but he verywellknew it was ringingfor the hundredthtim e. Swallowingmydisgust I reached out and took the call, before he could stop me. Hello. Samiya? the troubled voice onthe other end said.

It was his mum. Namaste aunty. I got hold ofmytemper. Are you both alright? Why is he not taking my call? He hasnt done any packing his dad is getting mad at me. Te ll him to come home right away. It felt like ice water has beeninjected into myve ins. Samiya are you there? Yes aunty. He is coming home. Samiya arent you coming with him? We want you to have dinner with us. Well be leaving at 5.00 in the morning a nd I want to talk to... Aditook the phone fromme Mum we are on our way home. See y ou in an hour. He waited for her to saysomethingand thenhe kept the celldown, his face angled towards me, his eyes awayfromroad. Are you fine? Where are you going? I asked without answeringhis question. He sighed Ohio Is something wrong? Adis blank e xpressiontold me how bad somethingwas. He took a second to steadyhis words. Just wait for an hour. Dad will explain it to you in a much better way. Are you kidding me? myvoice aggregated, myeyes stuck onhis face without botheringto blink evenyou are leaving for states tomorrow. And you want me to wait hourand a half to know why? I cant explain it to you Samiya. Youll have to wait. He said insolemnvoice as ifhe w as expectingme to understand what he was saying. Pull the car on side. I requested firmly. Samiya.. He was about to negotiate.Now. I commanded. He reluctantlydid what was requested ofhim. What? Are you going to walk all the way to school? He said g ettingout ofthe car after me. We are switching places. I announced takingthe drive rs seat. There is no way well make it home in an hour with your driving speed. He wa s unmistakablyonthe edge ofpanic, standingbeside the car, watchingme ignite the car engine. Now, what made you think that Ill sit in the car driven by you and just to make sure I wouldnt have done that even if you had a airplane license or maybe Apollo 11s l icense. He said too confused. You are more than welcome to catch a bus home. I said pushingrace, I amunsure how he managed to climb onthe speedingcar. Because it c aught more speed thanI would have expected. All those mysteries and this is how w e are going to die. He said, his hand sittingonhis right legreadyto take charge o fthe steeringwheelincase I lose it, whichwould be onlypossible under two circums tances one is ifI die indrivers seat ofcardiac failure instantlyor else ifthe car door breaks openand I felloffthe car. His eyes were firmlyonthe road. Now that I got a little idea ofthe speeds and br eaks, I put the car into fourthgear and I was surelyup onthe road a little as if drivingchopper, everythingrushingbehind me. Dad had to see this; he would probab lygo nuts, because I have failed eachone ofdads home made drivingtests for under speeding. He finallygave up announcing, he cant tolerate his car beingtreated as rickshaw. Scared buddy? I asked ironically, I was usingmyinsaneness inexaggeration, not that he knew ofthat I couldnt feelanythingdownmywaist. Inthat moment I was paraplegic and braindead. He couldnt help laughingaloud. For me. No. he said fixingmyhair band onmyhaystack F or you. Yes Now to that, I automaticallyslowed downa little. He was with me in th e car. When will you come back from Ohio? I asked thoughI doubted that Illlet himgo inthe first place. Hold eyes tains r one on to that question. I dont think it will be a good idea to answer it now. His stillonthe road, without flinchingevena little, as ifseeingthroughthe moun at the wider picture Slow down a little. A bus is coming followed by anothe at the next turn. I did as he said. He was right. He navigated me allthe wa

yback to the home as ifwalkinga blind person. I heard the tires turnoffonto the quiet, damp earthofRathores drive, whenmyheart started hammering. I stillcouldnt feelmylegs. Last time I had beenhere I was told that I was never goingto come back here again, and this time I willbe told that Adi, Dr Ethalia, Dr Tanmay, Oliver and Olivia willbe leaving, and I wasnt sure i ftheywere comingback again. I sat their concentratingonsteadyingmyheart beat and thinkingpositive. While he was there readingallmyvitalsigns, his eyes zeroed onme. Are you ever coming back? I asked, realizingsoonthat he is not goingto answer that question. 12. OPERATION Now that I was inthe house, withbags lined up ina corner, Dr Tanmayonphone witht he travelagent and Dr Ethalia instructingthe house maid and gardener, I realized that they were actuallyleaving. I was made to sit onthe couchinthe lounge while Adiexcused walkingout onthe deck withhis dad. His mumwent to make coffee. I sat there staringblanklyat nothing. ThenAdiappeared followinghis dad. His face white and hard. Samiya. Myhead snapped towards Dr Tanmay, fightingmyheart that co uldnt get enoughofseeingAdi. Yes? I said turningdownthe ringinmyvoice. Dr Tanmaywas sittingonthe couchopposite to me, Adileaningbehind him. Adi wants me to explain you about the surgery and the bone marrow transplant we a re going to conduct on him. He said his medicaldoctorishtone kickingin. Myhand fl ew to mystomach- thats where myheart was right now- holdingtightly. Tryingto stop it hammeringagainst myskin. I looked at Adiwithfew millionquestions inmy eyes. We are leaving because I have an operation in two days. He interjected cowardly. Dr Tanmaytook fromthere. You know how they say HIV cant be cured. he paused dramaticallyWell that wont be tru e anymore. We can cure it by bone marrow transplant. In this transplant HSC are removed from bone of the donor who is naturally resistant to HIV and is transpla nted into the patient. Bone marrow produces the cells that HIV attacks. So by in serting the marrow that produces HIV resistant cells might endow the patient wit h a means to repel the infection. Along with which we will give him an advanced combination therapy, its a very new surgery which will try to eliminate the virus . If we get successful Adi will be back to normal. He assured me. I dont know about mymind but myeyes lingered onthe sculpture infront ofme. The be autifulheavenlyface ofallthat was holyto me. Operatinghimwas like a thought ofru nning scissors and knives over the bodyofanangel. Somethingwas not right about i t. Have you found a donor? I asked, predictingmaybe that was the reasonfor urgency. His dad sighed Yes. A while ago We have found the best near perfect HLA matched bon e marrow. Near perfect? I swallowed. His dad hesitated We will never have a perfect match in Adis case because of his different human genes. Why do we have to do it th en? his mumasked settlingthe traywithcoffee mugs onthe table.Ethalia.. No Tanmay. You listen to me. Why Adi has to be the first one? You know how critic al this operation is. He is doing fine. Why both of you want to go that way? His mother responded reflexivelyagitated.I dont know his dad said after alongpause, gra velyThis will eventually turn into Aids. We have an option to stop it, now, I dont know if this would be effective at later stages. His mumdidnt deny, sittinglifelesslyonthe couch. Why now? What happened suddenly? I demanded staringat Adi. He turned into a sculpture, his face impassive, and his glare glassy, as ifhe couldnt see anymore. He didnt want to do that earlier. He came this morning and suddenly he wants it AS

AP. I thought it has something to do with you. Dr Ethalia looked blanklyat me and thenturned to himWhats going on Adi? He didnt respond at once. Frozen, withno signo fever movingagain. But thenhis eyes turned tender as he looked at me inhelplessn ess. I had a dream yesterday. He said instrained voice. Thenhe was quite for what seemed like a longtime I saw myself being operated. Its time to do it now. I dont w ant towait for other consequences. That was the dreamhe had last night. He should have told me, not that I would have understood but still. Ifhe had seenit, ifits his future, ifits our future thenprobablyI wont be able to change it, no matter h ow hard I try. Dr Tanmays phone started ringing. He took the calland excused himself. There was stilla reticence inthe roomwithweakensound ofDr Tanmays conversation. Are you goin g to pack, Adi? His mumfinallyspoke out, her voice numb, without anyexpression. H e took a longglance ofme and thendisappeared. She and I were ina strange state o fmind, we bothunsure ifit was happeningfor good or for bad. When is the operation ? I asked mutely. Within three days. He wants it done quickly. You were saying its c ritical? Mybreathingwas accelerating, myhand stillholdingmyheart; I couldnt ask wh at I wanted to. She chose not to answer that. And thenwe bothwere quiet for a wh ile. Dont ask why. For some moments inlife there are no words. She was inanawfulstate as she walked me up to the kids roomleavingme to find mywa yto Adi. How quicklythings change especiallywhenyouleast expect themto. Whydoes this happen? Is God testingour faith? But whydoes he test inways whichare bigger thanour life? I entered without knocking. It was dark inside his room. Myeyes t ook more thana second to adjust to the discrepancyinluminosity. Few clothes were piled up next to anopen bagand Adiwas nowhere to be seen. I am in here. his voice came fromthe bathroom. I took two heavysteps and opened the bathroomdoor sluggi shly. He was standingin front ofthe basinmirror, his shirt onthe floor, his too perfect bodywas halfnaked and there was a captivatingsmellofaftershave blended w ithhis usualfragrance. A quick glance in the mirror told me his face was wet. He just shaved. I have barelyever registered the fact that he had facialhair. The things that are discrepancies inothers case usuallyend up addingto his too comme ndable looks. Before he could turnI hugged himindesperation. I wanted to gather myworld inmyhands. I buried myhead inhis back, he was as cold as ice, his hands moved to take controlofmine and he turned around to fit me into his arms. Its dif ficult today to see beyond the sorrow, but looking back in this memory will comf ort you in future. He murmured to me I have thought it through; its the right thing for me to do. I let it sink in, hopinghe is right. Your clothes are still wet. He said stirringhis hand onmyback. And thendespite myreluctance he let me lose, dis appearing. It didnt feelgood; I didnt want to part withhim evenfor a second at lea st untiltomorrow. He came back witha shirt. Here change your shirt. He requested placingthe shirt next to me, makinghis wayout. I quicklytook his hand Dont go. Ple ase dont leave me for even a second. I used everybit ofmyenergyto find words. He w as too speechless at myvulnerabilityas ifhe wasnt expectingme like that. Ill be in the room. He tried to mold me, uncomfortably. Dont go. Stay. I nunciated again, makinghimsit onthe rimofthe spa. I took offmyshirt, myeyes not leavinghis. There was no glitter inthemtoday; theywere revealinga sufferingsimil ar to mine. His eyes didnt move to mybodyevenfor a wild second. But he dropped hi s glare to floor whenI didnt put anythingon. I took a step inhis direction, and t ouched his cold face withmyfingertips carefully; I pulled his face up, to regain the lost contact. His eyes were little moistened, thoughhe wanted to but he couldnt get himselfto shout at me, no t whenhe was leavingme tomorrow morning. I ranmyfinger tip indolentlyalongthe sm ooth edges ofhis angelface, finallytracingthe sumptuous lips; theywere red and w et and were makingmyentire bodydesiccated. Promise me youll stay in touch each mom ent youll be away. Promise me youll come back to me As soon as it is over. Ipromise . You are my final destination. No matter where I go Ill come back to you in the end. I sighed, the words were like a mourn. Mydesperationmade himsusceptible, he

pulled me closer 13. GOODBYESGone- Flitted away, Taken the stars from the night and Sun From the d ay! Gone, and a cloud in my heart. - Alfred Tennyson As I stand there behind headys cottage watchingthe road, whichhe possiblywould ha ve crossed onhis wayto Delhiwasnt readyto give a thought ofhow muchtime has passe d. I couldnt remember how longit has beensince I saw him leaving. It was as ifday s have passed, but also onlyseconds.Dip. Dip. Dip. The sound ofveryfirst raindro ps brought back a vivid image, the onlyimage I remembered ofrain, me and himsitt inginclass window. What is it about rain, he asked me. I dont remember what I sai d but the minutest ofexpressions that passed his face are stillclear inmymind. O ne more car, and that would be it. I willleave after that, I promised myselfyet again. I knew there was no point watchingthe emptyroad, where once intwo hours h ardlya car passed. Not that it was too muchofwait but he wasnt coming. At all. No t todayat least. He would informme whenthat time willcome. But its not today. He is inoperationright at this veryminute. I dont want to think about it. The weight ofthat thought is more thantoo muchto handle. He emailed me whenhe reached Ohio. I was least expectingthat. I had Ms Renus phon es ringer turned downand was almost spyingonheady, amblingoutside his office whe never his phone rang. But guess what he chose to communicate via email. Allthe c onversationhave beenlike that for past few days. I replyto everymail, but never once mentioned whyis he not callingme? Whyis he not listeningto myvoice and not givingme a chance to listento his. I have too muchpride to saythat. He did finallycall. This morning. Whenheadys peoncame to callme I rushed througha lmost 200 stairs, indesperationand nervousness. As soonI took the receiver witht rembling hands and said hello, the calldisconnected. I waited too long. But he nev er called back. Theymust have takenhiminto the operationtheatre. He wasnt doingth at onpurpose. Or else there was this other reasonyou make me weak he told me inone ofour verylast verbalconversations. Love and relationships make people stronger but I made him weak.