Jessie Lim Y10SC2

Title: Hiraeth
He’d seen her. She could tell by the smirk on his lips. She pushed through the thick crowd in
hopes of making it to the exit before he blocked her way. Fear; fear was the only emotion that
crossed Elena’s mind as the tall burly man pursued her. It felt as if she was seeing everything happen
through her peripheral vision as she swerved through the crowd of the lantern festival, forcing back
the bile in her throat. Another wave of anxiety hit as she coerced her legs to move faster as she
sprinted onto the intricate stone bridge. She just needed to cross the exit of the bridge and she’d be
like a needle in a haystack with the crowd only getting denser on the other side of the bridge, but was
that really what she wished for?

It didn’t matter; just as she reached the middle of the bridge and the exit came in view, she
realized that her relief was but only a mirage. The exit of the bridge was already blocked off. She
huffed, her breath burning as her throat dried in the mid-autumn air. Tears welled in her eyes,
prickling like acid as she turned back only to see the familiar face holding a stoic, unreadable
expression. He was just as Elena remembered, practically a living photograph of her memories aside
from his skin, wizened with age. He approached her slowly, softening his features.

To a normal person, he would’ve seemed like any other man, but Elena knew. In the midst of
the loud crowd, with lanterns flying over their heads and illuminating the sky, no one would know of
the cold-hearted things that the man in front of her were capable of, and that was the scariest factor.
The man approached her slowly, like a predator stalking its prey. He raised a hand to her face,
making her flinch, before gently caressing her cheek. His eyes became glossy as he pulled her in and
wrapped his arms around her, ignoring her protests as she continuously pounded his chest with her
fists. The noise of the loud crowd suddenly faded into meek susurrations.

“I win,” he whispered as he held her in a steel grip. These were the same words he’d always
say at the end of their games but this one felt like a rock on her chest, suffocating and slowly killing
her. In his arms, Elena felt a sense of Déjà vu, it was the exact scene of that same night ten years
ago.

It was an identical mid-autumn night, the same festival, the same crowd bustling with joy and
the same lanterns flying over their heads like pieces of amber in the sky. Most importantly, the same
embrace, only with different implications. In that dreamy night, her father’s embrace felt like a heavy
promise, the one Elena was trapped in in the present day felt like a poor excuse of an apology, body
language as a weak attempt of concealing his shortcomings and incompetency. Elena closed her
eyes and inhaled the crisp, cold air as the body warmth of the man seeped through the many layers
of winter clothing. Back then he had to kneel to hug her, the unignorable growth of the young lady had
made her father’s heart ache, evidence of the many years in which he had failed to be a father.

“I bought us lanterns, Ellie,” he said, breaking the embrace. “It’s said that by lighting a lantern
and putting it out to fly, you’re sending a message to the gods and they’ll grant each person one wish
every year during the festival,” he continued as the young Elena watched with big eyes marvelling at
the sky.

“Really, daddy? I want to make a wish too!” the eight-year-old exclaimed with great
anticipation.

“What would you wish for Elena?” her father asked.

 “I can’t tell you or it won’t come true” Elena replied to conceal her unknowingness.

“We need to find him!” a deep voice boomed from afar.

Elena watched as her dad’s eyes become frantic, pupils dilating. He shoved the single lantern into her
hands as she gazed at him with a confused look.

“Ellie, let’s play a game of hide-and-seek, alright? I’ll count to ten and you need to hide as fast
as you can?” Her dad explained in a jumble of words, barely coherent.

“Why?,” Elena asked. However young she may have been, she had always been a smart
cookie.

Her father had always prided himself for having such a bright daughter despite her age, but
this time was an exception. He ignored her questioning look. With one last hug that Elena wishes she
had savoured, she ran off to hide. An hour passed, and then another, until the crowd had start to
dissolve. There was no telling if it was too early in the morning or too late at night, all she knew was
that her father was nowhere to be seen. She gripped the lantern in her hand as she pulled out a pen
from her pocket and wrote her wish. With a brief message to the gods and a light of a match, she sent
her lantern off into the air. It was a lone light in the dark she watched get smaller, all the other
lanterns having to seemingly disappear. She stared as it became only a small dust, making sure her
call of desperation would be received by the gods, and so their ten-year game of hide and seek
started.

Ten years later, on the same night, the embrace she was in felt overwhelming, the flurry of
emotions within her convolving and overflowing. She melted into the hug, ceasing to resist.

“I’m sorry,” her father broke the silence. “I could not have given you the life you wanted,” He
continued as Elena’s sobs progressed.

“I’ve looked for you every year since”

“The life I wanted was spent with my father, and even that simple wish you could not fulfil,” the
girl whispered in a lifeless, hoarse voice. What was the emotion that that sentence held? Was it
resentment, disappointment, sadness or something else? She could not tell and it did not matter.

“You can never be forgiven,” she said through her sobs, her words contradicting her actions as
she pulled him closer, cherishing the hug that she didn’t ten years ago.

The embrace makes her live through her memories once again as she remembers what she
wrote on her floating lantern, ‘please find me’. With a small prayer and a lot of doubt, the child
mustered all the strength in her tiny stature to let her lantern soar into the sky. The small light
resembled a piece of the sun, a lone beacon that connects the father and daughter by fate.