PREFACE WHEN savages and cave-men held sway in the land, each individual lived for himself, and he pleased himself how he lived. But when law and order sprang into being, people had to take thought for those around them, and the selfish life of the barbarians was no longer tolerated. With the march of civilization, the thought for others became more and more a part of people’s natures, until, to-day, nobody can pretend to be a reasonable sub- ject unless he models his actions upon the accepted notions of those with whom he comes in contact. The laws which guide men’s actions in these matters form our code of etiquette, and it will be seen that life could not pro- ceed in an orderly manner were this code to be ignored. Thus it comes about that etiquette, or the science of “Correct Con- duct,” is an important item in our daily life, and one which every right-thinking person observes punctiliously, Most of us know much about these laws, but many desire a fuller ac uaintance, and it is for the latter that this little handbook has been written, M. W.| Lo CORRECT CONDUCT ADDRESSING PEOPLE OF TITLE. Kinc.—His Most Gracious Majesty King George V. Commence—Sire, or May it please your Majesty. Conclude—I have the honour to remain, your Majesty’s most faithful subject. QueEEN.—Her Majesty Queen Mary. Commence—Madam, o7 May it please your Majesty. Conclude—I have the honour to remain, your: Majesty's most faithful subject. Royal PRINCES.—Your Royal Highness (then give title). “Commence—Sir. Con- elude—¥our Royal Highness’s most duti- ful subject. “tt ROYAL” PRINCESSES.— Your Royal High- 1* 78 CORRECT CONDUCT ness (then give title). © ommence—Madam, Conclude—Your Royal Highness's most dutiful subject. OTHER PRINCES AND PRINCESSES—As above, but omit “ Royal” and “ most. a Duxrs.—His Grace the Duke of Com- mence—My Lord Duke. Conclude—V our Grace’s obedient servant. Ducnesses.—Her Grace the “Duchess of ——. Commence—Madam, Conclude— Your Grace’s obedient servant. Marquess—The Most Honourable, the Marquess of ——. Commence—My Lord Marquess. Conclude—Your Lordship’s obedient servant. EarL—The Right Hon. the Earl of ——. Commence—My Lord. Coyclude—Your Lordship’s obedient servant. 3 Countess—-The Right Hon. the Countess of ——. Commend%—Madam. Conclude —Your Ladyship’s. cbedient servant. ViscOUNT.—The Right Hon. . Miscount ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 9 ——. Commence and conclude as for Earl. BaRoNn.—The Right Hon. the Baron ——. Commence and conclude as for Earl. BaRoNeETS.—Sir (Christian and Sur- name), Bt. (not Bart.). Commence—Sir. BARONETS’ WIVES.—Lady (Surname only, unless born with a title). Com- mence—Madam. ARCHBISHOP.—His Grace the Lord Archbishop of Commence—My Lord Archbishop, Conclude—Your Grace’s most obedient servant. BisHop.—The Right Rey. the Lord Bishop of Commence—My Lord. Conelude— Your Lordship’s obedient servant. DEAN. — The V Very Rev. the Dean of ——. Commence—Mr. Dean. Coronta£ GovERNOR—To His Excel- Jency Sir-(Christian and Surname), the Governor of Commence—Your Ex- cellencyrg,| a 10 CORRECT CONDUCT JupcE.—Give title in full and commence “My Lord” Lorp Mayor—The Lord Mayor of ——. Comi Lord. MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT. — As but add letters “MP.” after Right Hon, the mence—My in private life, “Esq” N.B.—It is more complimentary to ad- dress men in private life as “Esq.” than “Mr” Always begin the “Esq.” with a capital letter. BEST MAN, MATTERS CONCERNING THE. The main duties of the best man are to assist the bridegroom in performing the burden of duties which are bound to arise in the few days before the Wedding, and to see that the bridegroom plays his part correctly at the ceremony. ’ As a tule, the bridegroom has certain particular wishes regarding the ceremony + ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY m1 which he desires carried out. These the best man usually attends to. Generally, the best man arranges for the necessary vehicles, the bouquets, and such- like things. He waits on the bridegroom early on the morning of the wedding, and makes sure that he takes with him the all-important ring and the necessary forms and papers. Previously, he has satisfied himself, per- sonally, that everything is in order at the church or registrar. At the wedding he stands close to the bridegroom, at his right, and, should the latter show signs of nervousness, he prompts him as required. When the bridal pair proceed to the vestry, the best man gives his left arm to the chief bridesmaid, and the two follow; he usually signs the register. tolls Sheol ton bee eee 3 ‘anges how the various members of the party are to ride back to the house.12 CORRECT CONDUCT In his spare moments he hands the ar- ranged fees to the clergy, and leaves gratuities for the choir and the church hands, During the breakfast he invariably makes one specch, usually in reply to the toast proposed by the bridegroom to the bridesmaids. The speech should be of a light and humorous nature, containing no remarks likely to offend. When the newly married couple set off for their honeymoon, the best man usually proceeds to the railway-station and bids them good-bye. BIRTHS. Information regarding births must be supplied to the local istrag: and the register signed within forty-tWo days of the event, \ Responsibility for supplying,’ this m- formation rests with the parents; but, if they neglect to advise the agg the *~ ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 13 occupier of the house at which the birth took place becomes responsible. Failing the latter, those present at the birth are liable. No charge 1s made for registration within the prescribed time, but a certificate of birth or a copy of the register can be procured at a small fee. The information required of those who give notice of a birth is as follows: (1) Date of birth; (2) name of child; (3) whether boy or girl; (4) name of father; (5) married and maiden name of mother; (6) father’s occu- pation; (7) signature, occupation, and residence of the informer. After a birth has been announced in the Press, a host of personal inquiries and letters of gongratulation are sure to be re- ceived. ‘hese’ are acknowledged by sending gl card printed from an engraved coppef plate with the following wording : “ Mrs B, Jones returns thanks for kind inquitjes and congratulations, Address.”14 CORRECT CONDUCT The card, which is much larger than usual, has fixed to the upper left-hand corner a tiny additional card upon which is written the infant's name and date of birth The two are bound together with a very narrow white satin ribbon, BORROWING. . Some people are habitual borrowers; they will borrow money, clothes, um- prellas, music, and a host of other things. Beware of such people, for they will make you poorer in the end. “Neither a lender nor a borrower be,” says a very sensible maxim, but who is there who, having a friend in temporary straits, would not lend sufficient to drag him out of the mire? But the friepd must not be one of the habitual borrowers who are the parasites of society. Thet is the difference. ™ The habitual borrower we call’ a para- site. He is one, since he ingratiates him- ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 15 self and uses his friendship to secure a Joan. You do not like refusing him be- cause he is such a pleasant fellow, and you feel so sorry for him now he is down, Be firm and refuse; his friendship is not worth continuing. In a case of real hardship, one that you know to be deserving, why not give? That will aford you some little satisfaction and _ no worry in wondering when your money will be returned. Never, under any circumstances, sign for a friend a document which imposes a bill of sale over your home. The friend may tell you that it is merely a matter of form. Too many such bills have matured, and too many credulous but good-natured people have been ruined by putting their signaturé8 to papers of this kind. BRIDESMAIDS, MATTERS CONCERNING, The number of bridesmaids at a wed- ding is usually four or six, but one, two,16 CORRECT CONDUCT up to twelve, is reasonable. These, as 2 rule, are selected from the unmarried mem- bers of the two families; but often the bride’s greatest school-friend is among: the chosen, A chief bridesmaid is selected from the group. Usually she is the bride’s sister, should she have one still unmarried. The duties of the chief bridesmaid are onerous. Among them— 1, She should discuss the question of dresses with the bride. 2. She should be prepared to assist in purchasing things needed for the wedding and the new home. 3. At the wedding she follows behind the bride and her father as they procesil up the aisle. 4. Then she takes up her positiofi on the bride’s left, ready to hold her ae and to attend to her veil. s. When the bride and bride; pro- ceed to the vestry to sign the ee ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 17 she follows on the left arm of the best man. 6. And when the married couple return to’ the carriages, she follows them to the door. 7. At the breakfast or reception the chief bridesmaid is constantly at the bride's elbow,-teady to perform any little service. §. When the bride returns to change into her going-away dress, the chief brides- maid is again in evidence. 9. Sometimes she follows her to the station of departure. 10. Often it is the chief bridesmaid who welcomes the happy couple to their new home when the honeymoon is at an end. » 11. As a tule, the bridesmaids al! wear dresses’ closely alike. They should be chosen t@tharmonize in character with that of the bide, who should be consulted be- fore the, dresses are put in hand. i bsee Me 18 CORRECT CONDUCT CALLS. The rvles laid down by society with re- gard to calls are founded on common serise and, accordingly, should be observed, whether the occasion be a formal or “friendly ” meeting, In winter-time men avist not enter the drawing-room wearing their overcoats, and should leave such things as sticks, um- brellas, hats, etc, in the hall. In summer- time a stick and hat, but not an umbrella, may be taken in if the call is to be of short duration. Ladies should not remove their gloves when making an afternoon call; such an act would suggest a long stay. On entering the room, go straight to the hostess. She will offer you her hand, and so will the host. A bow is suffigient for the other visitors. On no account may a man force hand- shakes on the lady visitors. It i3.for the 4 ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY = 19 ladies to bow or offer the hand as they please. It is hardly necessary to say that a hand 9a young man should not offer h much older man or one considerabiy his senior in position, The advance should come from them, if at all. The hostess in offering to take a caller’s hat and stick is clearly suggesting that she wishes his stay to be protracted. If he then outlasts his welcome, she can only blame herself. Wait until a chair is offered you before sitting down, and rise each time a lady enters or leaves. When you sit down, sit down comfort- ably but not lackadaisically. And do not appear ill at ease. Do not tilt the chair or sprawl your arms over a settee; and men should got revolve their bowler hats. What a commen habit is this among those who are ill at ease! Do not cross your feet so that they get into the way of others, 420° CORRECT CONDUCT When introducing people, remember that you bring those of lesser rank up to those of higher. Thus: (@) Gentlemen are presented to ladies; (4) children to adults ; (c) young men to men who are their seniors, both m age and position; (¢) young women to women who are their seniors, ete. 3 . At formal calls it is desirable to ask a lady if you may introduce So-and-so to her. If she acquiesces, the person in ques- tion must be found and taken to the lady. Keep the conversation going as much as possible. Everybody should find it easy to think of something beyond the weather to talk about. But should the conversa- tionfiag, co rot get interested in.the pic- tures and _rnaments around the r 4 as you woll those in a museum. ; ~ Your conversation should not“dwell on “politics, religion, or subjects highly contro- versial. Some people will start a conversation ‘ ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 21 cand introduce the names of people only known to themselves. This is a tiring way of telling a story; it is far better to say, “ A man I know said so-and-so,” than “ Mr. Robinson said so-and-so,” if nobody else is acquainted with the particular Mr. Robinson. Shoutd you be invited to play, sing, or recite, it is your duty to perform if you can acquit yourself with reasonable credit. Only refuse when your skill does not war- rant an exi ‘on of your powers. Do not say to yoursé, “Nebody will want to hear me.” It is quite likely that you will be able to perform as well as those who rush to display their powers. The only dif- ference is that you are shy and they’ know ‘hing of such humbleness. ieee it is time to go, go. The visitor who leavés too soon or who will not take his departure is a nuisance,22 CORRECT CONDUCT CHRISTENINGS. It is necessary to arrange with the clergyman prior to the christening, but there are no restrictions of time or place of dwelling, as with marriages. Some time before the ceremony the god- parents are chosen, and asked to accept such responsibilities as their duties will in- volve. A boy is given two godfathers and one godmother; while a girl has one god- father and two godmothers. Parents often act as godparents, but this is unwise, as, should anything happen to them, the child will be deprived of both parents and two of its sponsors at one stroke. Sponsors should not be elderly people, as their responsibilities extend over a mat- ter of close on twenty years. ~ At the christening the nurse takes charge of the baby until the godmother is ready to give him or her to the clergyman. She ners ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 23 places the child on the clergyman’s left arm and stands on his left, the nurse on his right. When the clergyman says, “ child,” the father should utter his reply in aclear tone. Far too often, the clergyman has to ask for him to repeat his words. The main part-of jhe ceremony com- pleted, the father is invited into the vestry to give the particulars for ther Te takes this opportunity of tendéring’a fee to those in the church a Name this No fee can be claimed by law, but, un- less the parents are poor, the clergy rightly expect some donation towards one or more of the church funds. The amount depends entirely on the means of the parents. After the christening it is usual to invite those friends who have assisted to return home to tea, where a certain amount of celebration is observed. The christening: cake is cut, and everyone must partake of it,24 CORRECT CONDUCT The sponsors usually make a present of a silver article to the child, and the nurse is given a trifling gift. CONVERSATION, HINTS REGARDING. Some people are brilliant conversa- tionalists, others, equally intelligent, make a poor show, If you are one of the latter, try to learn from the former, Fluent talk- ing is an art which can be acquired. But though the so-called tongue-tied folk are the first to recognize their shortcom- ings, it never seems to occur to those who talk incessantly that they are unduly tire- some. There is a wide gulf between the brilliant conversationalist and the everlast- ing talker. . Conversation should spring naturally out of matters which arise at the proment ; but if the company is so constituted that conversation has to be made, then there are plenty of topics in the newspapers which will be of common interest . ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 25 Anyone who starts a conversation which is not of general interest is lacking in proper tact. Among a group of bankers the subject of bimetallism may be a suit- able topic; but j£ an individual banker finds himself in the company of local dignitaries and their wives, then to argue about bimetallism would be decidedly bad taste. In making conversation, do not em- phasize your own special abilities. Tf it is left to you to sing your praises, then it were better that they went unsung. The weather is a topic apon which we all rely at times. Always hit upon something else if possible. ~ But never discuss your ailmentge Most people are not as interested in your childtem.as you are. Therefore, detailed recital of their childish complamts may not be appreciated. » Religion and politics, as we stated else- where, sHould be avoided, not because they26 CORRECT CONDUCT do not supply interesting points for de- bate, but because it is so easy to “tread on people's toes” when voicing your own opinion. Never contradict anybody. Usually it is permissible for you to speak your own mind, but it is wrong to give your views as though they were final. ; Personal criticism is seldam in good taste, although it supplies’ one of the easiest subjects for conversation. There is nothing clever in boasting that you are one of those people who speak their mind. Asa rule, people who parade the fact that they speak their mind are arrogant and rude. Sarcasm is a cheap form of wit*wbich is usually out® of -place. Its use at }imes, however, is valuable in- Ieshingwedocoe who needs. correcting. E You must do your share of listening as well as talking. Do'not gush, soy ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 27 DANCES. [We are dealing here with the rules which govern the conduct of private dances, little informal gatherings, where. perhaps some twenty or thirty friends ‘are present. Larger and more formal dances are usually entrusted to the care of professional! hands, who cafi be depended upon to arrange the evening’s amusement from start to finish.] Invitations should be sent out about three weeks ahead, and the recipients must reply within seven days. Among the highest degrees of society, nine o'clock is usually selected as the cor- rect time to commence, and this is the hour chosen jm the smal] provincial towns. In Londén, however, where the guests come long ances,-a start is taade earlier, and the revs vend at midnight or an hour later. Two rooms must be set apart as cloak- rooms, one for the ladies and the other for28 CORRECT CONDUCT the gentlemen. In the ladies’ room a maid should be in attendance to help in arrang- ing the dresses, etc. The men can be generally trusted to see to their own wants, When a lady and gentleman arrive to- gether, the latter leaves the lady at the door of her appropriate room and finds her again there when she is ready. Together, they then enter the drawing-room, where the hostess should be waiting near the door to receive her guests. The hostess welcomes her guests and in- troduces them to suitable friends. In this she is supported by her daughters and sons, who give a special eye to their own particular friends. In cases where the guests hav e long distances or have arriyed stra: : from business, the thoughtful hostes: ides a table where a cup of tea and a cake can be had. A Kittle refreshment at this moment often helps to throw people together, and it certainly gives the guest who has had to ec % ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 29 hurry from the office a chance of warding off hunger. Programmes may be distributed here or in the dance-room, but as soon as they are available the guests may begin, to fill in their engagements. It is usual for gentlemen to seck a dance with the hostess, but her duties will pre- vent her from accepting many engage- ments; thus she usually declines apolo- getically, but the knowledge of that pos- sibility is no excuse for not asking her, A husband usually has the first dance with his wife, and he diplomatically keeps the interval dance open until hers is filled, Should she not find a partner for this occasii then has it with her. Taf a groying tendency at public dane wa lady to have the same partner throughout the evening; this, of course, is unpardonable at a small house dance, and here it is decidedly bad form for a man to be continually dancing with the same lady.30 CORRECT CONDUCT The sons and daughters of the hostess have special duties to perform, the chief of which is to see that the guests are suitably introduced to each other and that ladies are not forced to sit out. It is only when such duties are fulfilled that they can themselves partake of the dancing. A lady should not refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance unless she has already a partner. If the music has com- menced and her engaged partner does not come to find her, she should wait a few moments, and is then free to accept some- one else. Certainly, she should not set off to find him, though there is no reason why she should not stand or sit in some prominent place where she can be easily recognized. If a lady, on being asked to dance, re- fuses, the gentleman will wisely refrain from asking another lady who is s¢ated near enough to be aware of the refusal. When a dance comes to an end, the ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 31 gentleman conducts the lady to a seat and remains with her a few moments or until the music begins again. It is a bad sign for the hostess and her family to engage in long conversation dur- ing the evening. They should devote their attentions, not to one another, but to their guests. Men must not stand in groups, smoking and talking. Such a habit leads them to become unpunctual. In taking their departure, guests must thank the hostess in a few suitable words, and, if they are called upon to leave before all their engagements are fulfilled, they should apologize to those whose dances they are missing. DEATHS. Accérding to the law of the country, in- formation must be given to the local regis- trar within five days of a death by (1) a relation who was present at the death. If32 CORRECT CONDUCT such person should fail, then (2) another relative-must supply the information, or either (3) someone who was present at the time, (4) the occupier of the house, (5) an inmate of the house, or (6) the person who makes the arrangement for the funeral. Along with the information supplied, the doctor’s certificate (or that of a coroner) is handed to the registrar. He isstes a certificate of registry, which is given to the cemetery authorities or the clerg}nan at the time of the funeral. In the case of cremation, two medical men must issue certificates. When a death occurs, close friends and relatives are immediately acquainted. If the deceased wished that there should be no flowers, that fact must be plainly stated on the intimation sent out to them. The omission clearly suggests that flowers are welcomed. . Funerals have become shorn of their mournful trappings in late years, and ee ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 33 horses and coaches need no longer be of a special kind. At the funeral ladies wear black cloth ‘dresses, with or without crépe trimmings, whilst men have black suits—a tail-coat is usual—black ties, black gloves, and silk hat with a band of about three inches in width. Black bordered handkerchiefs are not necessary. The carriages are filled by the relatives in orfler of their relationship, and then the friends. Sympathizers who cannot attend often send their carriages, empty. The will is read on the evening of tle day of the funeral. Friends, unless very intimate, should not call on the bereaved for at least a week, or until a mourning-card is received stating that “ Mrs, Jones and Family return thanks for Mrs, Brown’s kind sympathy.”34 CORRECT CONDUCT DEPORTMENT. The way an individual carries him or herself greatly influences his or her general bearing. An erect carriage should be aimed at by all, not only on the grounds of appearance, but health. A stride of average length should be cultivated. A mincing shuffle as well as an ungainly stretch of the legs makes a pleasant air impossible. Toes should be turned out, but not at right angles; and knees must not be too stiff nor too bent. Men should not have their hands ever- lastingly stuffed in thew pockets. It is bad form to stand talking to a lady with them so stowed away. On entering a room full of friends, walk in as though you had a right to enter. Do not adopt an obviously bold carriage, nor an expression which suggests that you Oi ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 35 wish the ground would open and engulf you. On sitting down, do not cross the legs. It is wonderfully comforting to do so, but save that up until you retire to the smoking den. Sit on the chair squarely. Shy children just sit on the very edge; do not imitate them or folk will know you are nervous. Just remember, whenever you are il at ease, that most people are too preoccupied to think much about you, and that when you fancy they are scanning your face and clothes, they are really thinking about the next tennis-party or dance. » If you are bored, do not show it. hard to appear interested. Do not stare. Do not be always 1m a breathless haste. Work DINNERS, HINTS FOR THE HOSTESS. Be punctual, and sce that the repast is Teady at the hour stated.36 CORRECY Conpucr Have everything carved in the kitchen, the silly Practice of telling your Suests that you are “so sorry the spread is so poor.” Do not scold the attendants if they are slow or have the misfortune to break some- thing. The kitchen is the place for pe criminations. << Sce that everybody is introduced to everybody else, or, if too many people are Present, introduce those who will sit to- gether. The hostess should sit at the head of the table, the host at the foot. The chief lady guest is placed at the right of the host, and the chief gentleman guest at the right of the hostess. Serving is begun with the chief lady guest. When it is time to rise, the signal is given by the hostess. She glances at the lady on the host’s right. The glance is a 37 way of asking if the lady is ready. The reply being in the affirmative, the two rise and the other ladies follow. Never press your guests to eat more than they seem to want. Some hostesses make a dinner unbearable by continually offering what is not wanted. Do not say that everything must be eaten or it will be wasted. ‘Asformal invitation to dinner is usually ‘worded as follows: ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY Address. Mr. and Mrs. X. present their compli- ments to Mr. and Mrs. Y., and request the pleasure of their company to dinner on (day, date of month, and time, also place if not at address given). Date.38 CORRECT CONDUCT DRESS. General Hints for Both Ladies and Gentlemen, In a great measure, people are judged by the clothes they wear. A man or woman who invariably dresses neatly is, for cer- tain, one who is methodical and orderly in mind and habits. Conversely, those who dress in a slovenly way are slovenly in everyday things. But extremes in dressing, whether for good or bad, should be avoided. Too much attention as well as too little is a sign of temperamental weakness. The old saying is as true to-day as ever: “ Be not the first by whom the new is tried, Nor yet the last to cast the old aside,” The great secret in dressing is to dress without being conspicuous. The moment we arrest attention by our clothes, some- thing is wrong. ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 39 To avoid being conspicuous, we should dress according to the generally accepted ideals of the sphere in which we move. The occasion must also be considered. A party frock which is correct in the drawing-room will be conspicuous in the office or in the playing-field. We must not mix our outfits. A tail- coat and a cap or a flimsy blouse and brogue shoes reveal a disregard for details. This does not mean that an extensive and extravagant wardrobe is necessary. A little scheming can easily overcome such glaring combinations. Correct dress and personal cleanliness go hand-in-hand. Dirty finger nails are not tolerated anywhere but in the workshop. And do not dislodge foreign matter from the nails with your railway ticket whilst sitting in the Tube. A clean collar or a dainty blouse will not make up for a dirty neck, even though it be winter-time, 2°40 CORRECT CONDUCT Gentlemen, Special Hints for. Pronounced colours should be avoided for daily wear. But every now anid again fashion sets its hall mark on bright coloured socks. When such are worn, see that they do not clash with your necktie and other bright spots in your apparel. Avoid the use of jewellery. A gold sig- net ring, a gold chain, and a neat tie-pin, are alone permitted for men. Even these must not be too ornamental. Trousers and coat’ should match, bet a few exceptions are allowed. A black coat can and often should be worn with trousers possessing a neat pin stripe; and a sports coat looks better with grey or white flannel trousers than with a pair of the same mate- rial as the coat. pe When trousers and coat do not match, the coat should be darker than the trousers. Never wear brown boots with a morning suit. It is often done, however, by those nro Ce Pein. ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 4! who cannot appreciate the fitness of things. Study fashion a little, but do not be obsessed by it. A nodding acquaintance with what is correct at the moment will help you to buy a straw hat that will not single you out in the crowd. And there is some- thing in knowing whether a bowler or velour hat is the thing at the moment; whether your lounge suit should have a seam and slit at the back; whether the waistcoat should be cut high at the neck or not; whether the trousers should be peg- top shape or not; and so on. It is not only what you wear that counts, but how you wear it.# Do not put your hat on at a rakish angle; make your waistcoat sit neatly om-your white collar; don’t bulge your pockets out with odds and ends of papers ; and see that no buttons are missing from your clothes.42 CORRECT CONDUCT Ladies, Special Hints for. While men should know a little about the current fashions, ladies must be a good deal more az courant. For them to be out of the running is to be nowhere. A judicious survey of the fashionable magazines is necessary, but a slavish following of the latest modes is not suggested. The woman with a restricted income should always have one plain coat and skirt; it will be her greatest stand-by. It will serve for the office, for shopping, for calls, and a hundred other occasions. What else she has in her wardrobe will depend upon the condition of her finances. Good foot-wear is always worth the out- lay. Cheap shoes soon proclaim their con- dition and are dear ia the long-run. Avoid being daring in dress. It ts a great mistake, ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 43 GUESTS. There are many little details which every guest must observe if he or she is to con- form to the rules of society. Mention is made under various heads of his or her special duties, but, generally, a guest must be: 1. Punctual—To arrive late is to dis- organize the whole party. To be too early may cause almost as much inconvenience. 2. Properly Dressed —To be unkempt is to slight those whom you are visiting, and to be unsuitably attired is to make things awkward. 3. Sociable.—The guest who shows likes and dislikes for the people and things around him is a decided nuisance. 4. Moderate in Speech—A\l ideas of gushing must be avoided. The visitor whose superlatives are as numerous as the grains of sand on the seashore is a person whom nobody respects.44 CORRECT CONDUCT 5. Easy in Manner—The fidgety, nervous person commands little respect. G. Able to amuse himself in odd mo- ments if his stay extends over more than one day. 7. Useful to others, but let him beware of getting in people's way and so becoming @ nuisance. 8. Acquainted with the rules regarding the tipping of servants, should he remain in the house over the week-end or longer. HUSBANDS, CORRECT CONDUCT FoR. [These notes are written with some diffi- dence, as most husbands require no guid- ance in the way they should treat their wives. Let them accept our assurance that we are addressing, not them, but the few delinquents who do.] Most husbands have a good deal for which to thank their wives. They should show their appreciation tangibly, and not ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 45 take it for granted thaf their wives know of their feeling of indebtedness. The average woman thrives on affection. Bo not starve your wife in this direction. Your wife has a host of tiny likes and dislikes. You found them out before you married her, and you encouraged the former and ignored the latter. Continue to do so now that she is your wife, When you used to meet her in your court- ing days, think how you used to make yourself trim and spick and span. Do not be untidy with your’ clothes now. Few wives like to think that their husbands are down at the heel. All wives have faults, so do not .expect yours to be perfect. When you leave her in the morning as you set out for business, kiss her and mean it, If you have any worries, share them with your wife, unless she is ill and ought to be spared the anxiety. When Brutus refused46 CORRECT CONDUCT to confide his troubles to Portia, he was slighting a loyal wife. Tell your wife at breakfast, as near as you can; your programme for the day. She will know then at what time to expect you home, and will make things nice for your arrival. A wife ought to have a pretty fair idea, if not an exact one, of her husband's in- come. How can she help him to save if she is kept in the dark? Some husbands forget to extend the little courtesies to their wives which all polite men bestow on womenfolk. Such neglect is deplorable. A husband should take an interest in the houschold affairs, but he should show plainly that he considers his wife the chief of this department. Where a servant cannot be afforded, a husband is not belittling himself if he helps with the housework. « The romance of mar- tied life can be sustained even in the scul- 4 ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 47 lery while the wife washes the crockery and the hssband wipes it. If you happen to have a fit of bad temper, tell your wife. It may save her catching the complaint from you Whatever you do, do not forget your wife’s birthday, your wedding-day, and other anniversaries around which some romance is woven. HOME CONDUCT. It is given to many people to be ex- tremely polite and affable when mingling with friends and acquaintances, but to for- get completely about such courtesies whilst indoors, with the members of their own family. This is decidedly wrong. “Company manners” are not required at home, but that does not mean that a brother need not show the ordinary courtesies of life to his sister, and a husband to his wife,48 CORRECT CONDUCT Families where no servant is kept are the most Hable to degenerate in manners, because there is no outsider to act as a check’to thoughtless and slovenly habits. The morning greeting between members of the family is just as necessary as between those friends whom you meet in the office, the train, ete. The breakfast may, perforce, be hurricd, but that is no excuse for stretching across the table and eating in a fashion which would not be tolerated in a restaurant. The letters lying by the side of your plate may be ever so important, but do not open them without a formal request that you may be excused. Your departure for the office will prob- ably be a matter determined by seconds rather than minutes, but, nevertheless, time should be found to bid “good-bye” to those who are staying behind. When meals are taken at leisure and there is no servant, there is nothing degrad- ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 49 his wife a hand ing in a husband giving a elping her with the dishes, or a daughter h mother, And ¢ to it that the women of the hoi have to lift heavy weights or per! hich call for more than ordinary stre reciate such little he menfolk should invariably see use do not form tasks wl ngth omen are quick to @pp' attentions, and the buttons will get sewn on all the quicker. Decent brothers put the c table, at mealtimes, for their sisters; give them the “right of way ” when mect- ing them on the stairs, and do a thousand similar little things. There is nothing effeminate in being polite to a sister Small children are often forbidden to talk at mealtifmes, The old phrase about being seen and not heard is hurled at them every time they open their mouths, This is wrong. Children should not be allowed to monopolize the conversation, but they should be permitted to speak, or how else hairs up to the * they_ 50 CORRECT CONDUCT can they grow upto be as fluent as is re- quired of them? When friends are brought into the house, there is a decided call on us to make them feel at their ease, although, perhaps, we cannot “bear” them. The friends of your brothers and sisters may not be to your liking, but that does not absolve you from being polite. INVITATIONS. The sender of a letter inviting a friend to stay with him or her should observe certain definite rules. First, the invitation must be issued well in advance, a week at least, but longer notice is necessary for a pro- tracted stay. Second, the date of the ex- pected arrival should be clearly indicated and the duration of the visit hinted at. If there is any difficulty in reaching the house, - the sender should give what advice he thinks will be useful, If other friends are expected to be present, their names shdtild r i ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 5 be given, and it is well to state how the time is to be spent, so that the visitor may bring suitable clothes and equipment. Acknowledging an Javitation —The re- cipient of an invitation must refuse or aC- cept at the earliest possible moment. Ina refusal, the letter should give an adequate reason for not coming. Perhaps the truth needs, at times, to be supplemented with a modicum of fiction. In an acceptance, the visitor’s pleasure at coming should be clearly emphasized. The exact time of his arrival must be stated, and, where the stay will not extend over a week, the proposed time of departure ought to be added. LANGUAGE. “Speaking Correctly” is mentioned under another head; here we are dealing with “Language,” which is not quite the same. Remember that the things which a manSs? CORRECT CONDUCT or woman say stamp them just as much, or perhaps more, than the things they do. Language which will pass muster in the smoke-room may offend in the drawing- -oom, Once you have grown into the Babit of using unpleasant expressions, it is hard to avoid their use. Therefore, cultivate draw- ing-room language always. Slang is often very expressive, but it is better not to be expressive if more parlia- mentary language cannot be found. Do not talk about “ going off the deep-end” or “beipg fed up to the nines.” Do not use high-sounding words just because they appear smart. Call a “cat” a “cat,” not a “feline quadruped.” Swearing is seldom smart: it is often offensive. “Damn” is a good enough word at heart; it merely means “I condemn.” It is the added meaning which society has attached to it which makes it repulsive. In speaking, as in writing, the word “1” ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 53 should be used sparingly. A person who uses it at every turn strikes the listener as being egoistic. Speak to subordinates as you would te equals. For one thing, somebody of your own Jevel may be within earshot. LETTER-WRITING. Notepaper and envelope should always match, except when an envelope with an embossed stamp is used: For private correspondence, notepaper sold in pads is more general than that re- tailed by the quire. When using the latter, commence writing on page 4, followed by page 1, and then pages 2 and 3. Cheap notepaper is considered bad taste, cand envelopes that are semi-transparent should be avoided. » Commence the Jetter with your address in full, and then give the date. - Unless the communication is a set invi-54 CORRECT CONDUCT tation, do not write in the third person. A century ago “Mrs. Jones presented her compliments to Mr. Brown,” etc. but to-day the first person is used whenever possible, It is not clever to write an illegible hand, and, above all, your signature should be clear. Every business house wastes count- less precious hours each week in decipher- ing the names of people who fail to observe this rule. Avoid gushing in letters, and think twice before you put into black and white things which may lead to trouble. If you have cause to write a letter of com- plaint, write the letter, but do not post it until next day. Probably by then you will have decided that the wiser course is to ignore the whole matter. Do not type your letters to friends. Never write in pencil unless it is a very hurried note to a very intimate acquaint- ance. And never use red ink at all. Terminate the letter with the phrase :* ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 55 “Yours faithfully,” when writing on busi- ness; “Yours truly,” when writing on busi- ness or to a slight acquaintance; “ Yours sincerely,” when writing to friends. Add the name of the person receiving your letter, if on business, either at the be- ginning orend. Both are equally correct. Commence the address on the envelope on an imaginary line which cuts the en- velope in halves, horizontally. Begin about an inch from the edge. Stick the stamp on straight. The so- called language of stamps can be summed up in two words—bad taste. . Do not use sealing-wax on the flap unless the letter is to be registered. Enclose a stamp if your letter calls for 2 reply and deals with business. If you feel that the reply postage should fail on you and you are afraid of offending the re- cipient, send a stamped and addressed en- _ velope, not a loose stamp. . We begin a letter with “Dear Sir” or56 CORRECT CONDUCT “Dear Madam,” but never with “Dear Miss.” In writing to a married lady, address her s “Mrs. Jones,” or “Mrs, Stanley Jones” (her husband’s Christian name being Stanley), but never as “Mrs. Jane Jones.” Do not underline words you wish to emphasize. OMNIBUS AND TRAIN MANNERS. Do not push when entering a public vehicle; take your turn. Give your seat up to old people, people with obvious infirmities, and women with babies. This should be the rule for both men and women. Do not monopolize more than your al- lotted space when the vehicle is full. It is not unusual for some people to keep at- taché-cases by their side, even when others are standing. Do not say “Good-bye” to your frie nds on the pavement while an uncomplaining ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 57 conductor is waiting to start the bus or tram. Talking loudly in public vehicles is not a sign of aristocracy; it 1s a nuisance to people who want to read. The raising or lowering of a train win- dow should be at the discretion of the traveller who sits next to the door and faces the engine. Tf a lady happens to meet a man friend in a bus and he pays her fare, she should not argue the matter and try to thrust the necessary coppers into his hand, She should just thank him and no more. Men do not raise their hats in public vehicles when noticing a lady of their ac- quaintance. A slight smile or a respectful nod is sufficient. A woman with a baby and a number of parcels is an object for pity. Make her journey as easy as possible for her. You can give a hand with the parcels, -There is nothing wrong in a man speak-58 CORRECT CONDUCT ing to a lady on a long railway journey. It is how he talks that matters. . Most people are considerate enough to avoid compartments in which a young couple is seated. Do not be one of those who spoil sport. SHAKING HANDS. Shaking hands is an act which we per- form many times daily; yet countless people have little idea as to how to do it properly, The chief point lies in grasping the other person’s.hand with just sufficient strength to express friendliness. A flabby touch suggests that the individual is either cool in his friendship or is one who necds more backbone. On the contrary, the person with a herculean grip, who thereby forces a lady's rings into her flesh, is voted, on all sides, a nttisance, In ceremony the handshake takes place shoulder high; but it is affectation, pure ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 59 and simple, to so shake your friend’s hand when in the street or during a casual call. The correct level is then elbow high. Do not be too free with handshakes. It is usually incorrect to shake hands when introduced to someone. Only when the in- troduction is intended to bring about a lasting friendship should the little cere- . mony be indulged in. A man should only offer his hand to a lady when he sees she 1s about to extend hers. When entering a drawing-room, it shows a lack of self-possession to shake hands all round, unless every individual present is well known to you, SHOPPING. It is well to remember that shop as- sistants have a very trying life. Customers should, therefore, save them as much trouble as possible. Ladies are the chief offenders; they will enter, say, a drapery60 CORRECT CONDUCT store, will give the assistant the vaguest notions of their wants, and then show vexa- tion when the correct goods arg not offered them. On entering a shop, state plainly your needs. If the particular article is not in stock, you then have every right in leaving without purchasing. If you are not pre- pared to buy the next best thing, do not allow the assistant to go to the trouble of getting out a host of articl examination. Always remember that a shop assistant 1s not in a position to say what he thinks of you, though you may be of him. There- fore, in an argument you have the advan- tage, but it is mean to take it Count your change on receiving it. takes are difficult to rectify later on. jo not make your purchases in a leisurely manner just on closing time. The assistants’ hours are Jong enough without being kept overtime. for your Mis- ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 61 Never purchase articles of which you have no real need. They will be dear at any price. SMOKING. . Even the most inveterate smoker, should he stop to think, will agree that smoking js a habit which is tolerated for no better reason than because it is tolerated. That being so, those who are addicted to the jveed should show every consideration to people who find no pleasure in lighting up whenever an occasion presents itself, It ig bad form to visit a friend’s house with pipe or cigarette alight. If your host wishes you to smoke, he will offer you tobacco or cigarettes. Do not smoke in public buildings, offices, or shops, unless permitted by con- _sent. The absence of a notice stating tbat smoking is prohibited does not entitle you to. In smoking carriages of trains, your6 2 CORRECT ConpucT smoki See be so negotiated that it does rcle your neighbour i E who is eee The fact that the dattiage: abelled Smoking ” does not entitle on to neglect this matter. ms It is considered bad form to walk along a stteet with a lady whilst smoking a ine: he and cigarettes are permitted with her consent, but, for some not very evident reason, pipes are taboo. Do not converse with a lady whilst your pipe is in your mouth. SPEAKING CORRECTLY. “Correct Conduct” includes a facility for speaking correctly. The subject is too large to be dealt with adequately here, and the reader is advised to consult a little handbook entitled “How to Talk Cor- rectly,” by Professor Duncan, price 1s. (Foulsham). ETIQUETTE FOR EV ERYBODY 63 TABLE MANNERS. At dinner-parties, when the hostess an- nounces that all 1s ready, the gentleman goes into the dining-room with the lady on his right. This position is only reversed if a staircase has to be descended, when the lady takes the wall side, whether she is then on the man’s right or left. All the ladies should be seated before any of the gentlemen sit. In arranging your seat, see that it is ata reasonable distance from the table. Ner- yousness may lead you to squeeze yourself up, or it may cause you to leave the chair an inordinate distance from the table, Both positions are wrong. Manners count more at table than any- * where else; therefore, be careful to do your- self justice, See to it that you do not break any of the accepted rules of eating, but do not let people know that you are trying hard to be correct in your behaviour. 364 CORRECT Conpucr Keep you i do ars i, oe a wr ee Rmeesy and never wi own your neck. And ~. tPe your mouth with the serviet while it is still rolled up, “tte Take up soup by pushing the spoon hori- zontally away from you. The side and not the tip of the spoon is put to the mouth. This avoids the need of bringing your elbow across the table. “Do not tilt the plate, but, if you insist on lifting it, raise the part nearest to you. Bread should be broken and not cut. It is not given to you to play with, a habit often indulged in by those who are not at their ease. Hold the knife and fork lightly, and do not put the index fingers forward to gain additional pressure. When lifting food to the mouth, there is no harm in bending ever so slightly to 1; but the person who rises and falls, like a ship on the ocean, as the fork goes uP and down, is an object of ridicule. ——— j { 1 | | ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 65 The idea still lingers that it is proper to zat cheese with a knife. - The idea is wrong. Cheese is eaten by balancing small frag- ments on bread or biscuit, and held there by the aid of butter. Whenever possible, use 2 fork rather than a spoon, but do not use the fork as a navvy does a shovel. Most things ought to be poised in small quantities on the tip of the back of the prongs. And the elbow should be kept close to the sides. If a particular course suggests a knife and fork, do not make the knife do all its work and then dispense with it, depending only on the fork. This is a lazy way of eating. Try to keep pace with the other diners; do not dawdle nor hurry over the food, Either plan will lead to awkwardness. Never accept a second helping of any- thing if by so doing you will retard the progress of the party. Soup and fish are never taken in duplicate.66 CORRECT CONDUCT With such things as stewed fruit, remove the stones from the edible matter before putting it into the mouth. The same ap- plies to fish-bones. But, if by accident a stone or bone finds its way into your mouth, remove it with the assistance of the spoon or fork, not the Angers. If certain foods do not suit you, reject them without commenting on the sufferings which they inflict on your digestion If, for any reason, you have to pass your plate during the progress of a course, pass it with the knife and fork (or spoon). Do not keep them back. There is no harm in telling the hostess that such-and-such a dish is very nice, as long as you do not extol the virtues of every dish. With some hostesses it is positively necessary to drop a good word now and again, or they will think you in- different. # A gentleman sitting next to a lady at a _ dinner-party, even though he has not been ' a cman FTIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 7 introduced, should converse with her. To be silent throughout is to appear neglectful. # On rising from the table, do not fold the serviette if servants or waiters are present. Do not rush off home immediately after the repast. You should stay at least an hour, unless you know the hostess very in- timately and can offer her some good reason for your hasty departure. VISITING CARDS. Anyone who devised a new idea in visit- ing cards would not be thanked for his pains, since these little slips of pasteboard have to conform to a style which is bound by cast-iron rules, rules which are unalter- able. A man’s card measures 3 by 1} inches; a lady’s, 3} by 2} inches. Any other dimen- sions are incorrect. The card should be of regulation thick- ness, no thicker and no thinner. The sur-68 CORRECT CONDUCT face should be slightly glazed, and no more. The edges must not be gilt. The particulars should be given in copper-plate writing, though the address is admissible if printed. The name must not be plain John Smith, but Mr. John Smith, Dr. John Smith, or John Smith, pre- ceded by his title. The address is preferably placed in the left-hand lower corner, but the right-hand corner is also permitted. “At home” days are often printed on cards; thus “ Tuesday” suggests that Mrs. Blank receives friends every Tuesday. Joint cards for husband and wife are no longer fashionable; each should have his or her own. Daughters in their teens use the mother’s card, with the name added below that of the mother. On leaving a house after making a call, a card is left in the hall. Should the lady of the house be not at home, a card is wget —— ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 69 handed to the maid, and sometimes a corner is turned over to show that the call was made in person. If two members of a family make the call together, both leave cards. WALKING IN PUBLIC. The rule of the pavement used to be to walk to the right, The “Safety First” Committee is endeavouring to induce pub- lic opinion to favour walking on the left. Instinct suggests the right, common sense the left. Pedestrians should appreciate the fact that this change is being made, and act according to their own dictates, When walking with friends, do not pro- ceed along the pavement more than two abreast, and then take to single passing other people. Always give way to perambulators ; they certainly are a nuisance, but a necessary nuisance. When a lady is walking with a gentle- le on70 CORRECT CONDUCT man, she should take the inside. This is a survival of the days when all roads were muddy and passing vehicles splashed those nearest. When going for a walk with the family, do not proceed in a long-drawn-out trail, father first, then mother with the youngest child, and the others following irregularly. Assume some orderly progression. Ifa lady inquires the way of a gentleman, he should raise his hat when the informa- tion has been given. A passing funeral demands that a man lifts his hat. Walking-sticks and umbrellas should be carried where they cannot injure passers- by. Ifyou mount a public staircase or get on to a bus, keep the point well down; it will then be away from the faces of those who are following you. It is not polite to point to things; how- ever, there are ways of pointing which are not objectionable. *rretentiten “_h ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 71 Do not push when in a crowa . Eating in the street is considered bad form. Sweets are possibly an exception, if small enough to put into the mouth with- out biting. A man should raise his hat when meet- ing a male friend accompanied by a lady, whether he knows the lady or not. A man who meets his parlourmaid in the street is in a quandary. The strict rules of etiquette prescribe a nod; the fact that she is of the opposite sex suggests that his hat should be lifted. Though it may be wrong, we advise him to raise his hat and not nod. WEDDINGS, MATTERS CONCERNING. [Sce also “Best Man” and “Brides- maids.”] Full particulars relating to the marriage laws can be found in the current issue of Whitaker's Almanack, but, briefly, a mar- riage can be arranged in one of four ways: 373 CORRECT CONDUCT 1, By Special Licence, issued by the Archbishop of Canterbury, which permits the ceremony to take place anywhere with or without previous residence in the dis- trict, and at any time. Fee, approximately, 430. 2. By Ordinary Licence, issued at Doc- tor’s Commons, London, or at the Bishops’ Registrars in the country. One of the two people to be married must declare, on oath, that there is no legal impediment to the marriage, and that one of the contracting parties has lived for the fifteen days pre- ceding the declaration in the parish of the church chosen for the ceremony. Fees from 30 shillings to 2} guineas. 3. By Banns—These are read for three consecutive Sundays in the parish church of the area where both the man and woman reside. One or other of the contracting parties must live for fifteen days in the parish in which the marriage is to be solemnized. The validity of the banns a ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY = 73 lapses if the ceremony is not performed within three months. 4. By Registrar or in a Nonconjormist Building—This can be undertaken either by “Certificate” or “Certificate and Licence.” Residence qualifications are re- quired, and when the certificate is issued the marriage can take place after a lapse of twenty-one clear days if by “Certificate” alone, or after one clear day if by “Certi- ficate and Licence.” All marriages must take place between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m. There is no longer a feeling that a bride should wear only white. White, of course, still constitutes the most favoured raiment, as it is a symbol of purity. But since coats and skirts are now worn at weddings, other colours are more or less necessary. The bride to be, with her father, are the last to arrive at the church. Taking his right arm, she walks up the aisle, followed by the bridesmaids, Here she meets the74 CORRECT CONDUCT bridegroom and takes up her position on his left, her father being on her left. Before the all-important moment arrives, the bride removes her glove from the left hand, and, at the proper time, the clergy- man gives the ring to the bridegroom—he has received it from the bridegroom pre- viously—and the latter slips it on the third finger of his bride’s left hand. The reception is held by the bride's parents. If a “sit-down” repast is pro- vided, the bride and bridegroom take their place at the head of the table, the wife on her husband’s left. On her left sits her father and her mother-in-law. On the bridegroom’s right sits his mother-in-law and his father. The wedding-cake is cut by the bride with the assistance of her husband. Every- body present must partake of it, and drink to the health and happiness. of -the newly married couple. The toasts are—(2) The bride’s father ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 75 proposes health of the happy pair; (5) the bridegroom replies, briefly and then proposes the toast to the bridesmaids; (6) the best man replies for the bridesmaids ; (d) the bridegroom’s father usually says a few words. Widows and those who are divorced, on remarrying, never wear white nor a bridal veil. WIVES, CORRECT CONDUCT FOR. [In an earlier paragraph we spoke of our Giffidence in offering guidance to husbands, since the vast majority of them stand in need of no such advice. What we said there applies with equal force here, and these notes are only offered to those wives, few though we believe them to be, who might strive with advantage to make things a little more bright and attractive for their husbands.] Most wives have a good dee! for which76 CORRECT CONDUCT to thank their husbands. They should show their appreciation tangibly, and not take it for granted that their husbands know of their feeling of indebtedness. Some wives, remembering that it is not correct for a girl to make love to a man, conceal their admiration for their husband. The love of a wife is the one thing which makes a husband strong. > Funny papers never seem to tire of the old joke about wives and dressmakers’ bills We do not want to rob comic writers and artists of their limited stock-in-trade, but this much is certain: Nine husbands out of ten would prefer a long bill and a neat wife than no bill and one who was dowdy. # Somebody, who had more common sense than literary polish, once said that wives should “ Feed the brute.” There is a good deal in the saying. Meals-and food have far more to do with the peace of a home than a good many people would imagine. Do not tell your husband that you were ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY UF never brought up to do household work if your income is small. What would you say if he told you that he was never brought up to do his particular job? Your husband has, probably, a partiality for certain kinds of food. If he says he likes so-and-so, see that he has it, but do not give it him so often that he-grows to loathe it. You can tire even of toffee. If your husband likes to smoke, do not forbid him to light up indoors, We once knew a wife who restricted her husband’s smoking to the summer-house. Well, after that he could usually be found at the club, @ Do not nag at the servants, and, above all, do not recount all their little faults to your husband when he arrives home after a tiring day at the office. Serious matters he should know all about, but wait until he has rested a little. Most mothers, owing to their houschold duties, can usually find something to do at home. But a husband should not be re-78 CORRECT CONDUCT peatedly told by the wife, when he offers to take her out, that she cannot find time, Time ought to be found for an occasional visit to the theatre or a supper in the West End. If a wife has time to read, it should not be novels and nothing but novels. The morning papers and intelligent magazines should not be ignored. They will help to keep her mind fresh and alert. Do not get angry when your husband is; choose some other time. When in company, do not say nasty things about your husband just forfun. He may become “touchy ” on the point. Try to learn something of your husband’s business, so that you can understand him when he is discussing matters. There are probably books which deal with his work; study them. . Husbands, and all men for that matter, are a little susceptible to flattery—verd, sap. ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 79 Your husband has hundreds of faults and weaknesses—everybady has. Do not be reminding him constantly of them, Make a fuss of him on his birthday, and when he is ill give him lots of sympathy. Most men like sympathy. YOUNG PEOPLE, CONDUCT FOR. We often hear adults grumbling about the manners of the rising generation, “What on earth are children coming to! Why, when I was a youngster, etc, ete.” is quite a common expression to-day. If the truth is required, we can affirm, without any fear of being corrected, that the rising generation need cause no alarm; it is made of better stuff than ever before, and will help in assuring a grander England when the time of these youngsters comes. But our eulogy of the children of to-day does not imply that they need not observe a strict code of manners. To neglect such80 CORRECT CONDUCT rules would be like spoiling the ship for _ aha'p'orth of tar. Therefore, let them pay special attention to the following : Boys—Do not be everlastingly noisy. You can shout, with reason, on the playing- field, but at meal-times and when mix- ing with “grown-up” moderate your voice. Remember that your mother is a lady; if you meet her in the strect, think of your hat; if you meet her on the stairs, pull up and give her room to pass; when you sit down to meals, put her chair in position; if you see her carrying something, find out how you can help. A Scout does one good turn a day; a decent son is doing them for his mother all day long. If you have sisters, do not forget that you must treat them with respect. It is not because they are better than you or that they are too weak to take care of them- selves. It is not for any silly kind of reason; but merely that men are proud cf their womenfolk, and you will not be much ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 81 of a brother if you are not proud, at heart, of your sisters. Do not think that being polite is another way of being “namby-pamby.” A boy who has not the courage to be polite shows weakness. If you do not wear a hat in the street, salute with your hand when you meet a lady or gentleman whom you know. ‘At meals do not sit with your elbows on the table; hold your knife and fork properly (read what we have said elsewhere on this subject); do not overload your mouth and then start talking; never drink with food in your mouth; do not “wolf” your food; drink without noise; do not hurry so as to be the only one who gets a second helping; and do not get down from table without permission. Nobody objects to a boy who makes hime self dirty ; but everybody objects to the boy who stores up dirt on his person, Have a good wash—soap and water—when you have finished some dirty job. Rub well82 CORRECT CONDUCT round the eyes and nose and thoroughly do your ears. Do not forget c your neck on a cold morning. Wash your wrists properly, and clean the black out of your fneer, nails. ° When adult friends call, do not make your parents ashamed of you. If you chance upon them suddenly, do not forget to say “Good-afternoon,” or whatever is appropriate. There is an old saying, “ Children are to be seen and not heard.” Personally, we do not believe in it, There is no reason why you should not talk when friends are present; but do not shout them down and monopolize the conversation. you must not interrupt. Be a man at school: hard, and act straight. Girls —First of all, read what we have said to boys, and remember that a finer de- gree of manners is required of you than your brothers, Of course, play hard, work o ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 85 Your brother should be polite to you; but do not demand it of them asa right. Ifa boy is clean and his clothes are torn, nobody thinks much about it. But if your clothes are torn, everybody will consider youaslut. Do not wait for your mother or nurse to sew on the buttons; sew them on, yourself, And, while you are about it, see if you can do any little repairs for your brothers, When your brothers tease you, take it in good part. Make them think you are a “ sport.” Be a companion to your mother and help her all you can. Learn all you are able from her about household duties. Some day you will have a home of your own. Some girls spoil themselves by per- petually giggling and whispering. Both show bad taste. Do not hang about the street with your brothers’ school friends. Get your brother to bring them home,84 CORRECT CONDUCT Avoid slang. Language of this sort is very common in girls’ schools. You will wish you had not acquired the habit when you grow up. Play games and learn to swim, but do not be a tom-boy. Read healthy books, such as you have in the school library, but avoid the penny novelette kind of literature. A Word to Parents—You should re- member that your children are, in a large measure, what you make them. You must not be surprised when they use slang, if you do. They are very imitative. If husband and wife are given to gtumbling at each other, be assured that their children will quarrel among them- selves. Parents should teach their children to have a clean and healthy outlook on life; this they will never acquire if mother is constantly nagging at the maid and father relates at table how he got the best of some- body in the City, ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 85 Do not be constantly telling the children not to do this and that. Instead of saying, “Do not make that noise,” say, “It would be much nicer if you were more quiet.” Remember that healthy children must be a little noisy. If you are constantly smacking the children, they will merely look upon your blows as part of the daily round; and then you will have to find some severer kind of punishment. Don’t threaten if you do not intend to carry out the threat. Have the children in your company as much as possible. If they take meals with the maid, they will learn her ways and not yours. Your children will never grow to be self- reliant if you watch over all their actions. Tet them think and act sometimes for themselves, but this does not mean that they should be allowed to run unnecessary tisks.86 CORRECT: CONDUCT YOU SHOULD NEVER Read the newspaper of the person sitting next to you in the train. Nor parade your generosity in the street. However, there is no need to pass a desery- ing case by, just because a friend may be looking on. Nor walk into a friend’s house with dirty boots. Nor call on acquaintances when you know that they have intimate company. Nor revel in scandal. Nor watch the movements of neighbours through your curtains, just to pry into their affairs. Nor make puns which are either silly or offensive. Those referring to people's names are particularly objectionable. ‘Nor mimic people, especially those with infirmities. Nor bore people with stale jokes. Nor say things behind people's backs. ETIQUETTE FOR EVERYBODY 87 Nor talk of “old men of sixty” when people of seventy are within hearing. Nor be what may be conveniently described as too big for your boots. Nor boast about the conquests you have made regarding the opposite sex. Nor be constantly putting people right. Nor walk across a road in a careless way. Don’t run into pedestrians who are coming from the opposite direction, and ‘don’t confuse cyclists. Nor, if you are a faddist on food, drink, religion, politics, etc, should you be per- petually trying to convert others. Nor should you do things which will endanger the safety of those around you. This is a wide subject and ranges from pointing a gun at someone to throwing a empty bottle out of a train window. But you should try, in every way, to treat "people as you would wish them to behave towards you.INDEX AcrNoWLepGing an invita- thon, 54 Addressing people of titles, 7} Afternoon calls, 18 Banns, 73 est man, hints for, ro Bath g habits, 14 Boys, hints for, 79, 8o Bridesmaids, hints’ for, 15 » Calls, 18, 53 Certificate, marriages by, 73 Christenings, 22 - Conversations, 2t, 24 Dances, 27 ‘Deaths, conduct regarding, at Deportment, 34 Dirinoy-parties, 35, 36 Drawing room conduet, 19, Me Dress, 33, 38 Eating, hints about, 61, 71 Envelopes, bow to ‘address, 7355 General hints on conduct, 86 Gentlemen's dress, 3,38, 40 Girls, hints for, 79, 84 Guests, hints for, 43, Handshakes. 58 Home conduct, 47 Hostesses, hints for, 25, 35 Husbands, hints for, 44 Introducing friends, 20 Invitations, 27, 30,'37, 50 Ladies' dress, 33, 38, 4 Language, hints on, 51 Lending money, 14 Letters, how to address, 7; how ‘to write, 53; whea opening, 48 gence, marriages by, 73 Martlage hints, 10, 15, 7¢ | Nonconformist marriages, 73 Omnibus manners, 56 Ordinary licence, ‘niarriages by, 72 Parents, hints for, 84 Registering births, 12; deaths, 3x; marriages, 72 Registraf, marnages before, 73 Shaking hands, hints about, 58 Shopping hints, 59 Slang, 52 Smoking, 68 as, INDEX 89 ‘Walking in public, 69 See eoririges by, Wediing arrangements, £9, , t 7 | wits, when remarried, 75 | Wives, hints for, 75 Table manners, 63 i Title, addressing people of, 7 Train manners, 56, Of | 1. 22, on visit , hints about,!* You should | never” — “oe casts . | things to avoid, 86 ‘oung people, conduct for,THE “NEW’ SERIES 9d. ser race OF ALL BOOKSELLERS 1, The Popalar Reciter. 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THE GUIDE TO SUCCESS. if you are a Farmer and your crops fail, or fin doubt about buying and selling Cattle, it will tell you exact times to Sow Crops to ensure success, also when to buy and sell, If a Gardener and your Flowers, Fruits, or Vegetables fail, it will tell you when to Sow, Plant, Transplant, or anything else; that your Garden will be the wonder and adiniration of all. if a Man of Business and in doubt and perplexity as to your future Course, or when to buy, speculate, eal with others, it will put you on the right track at once. if “in doubt respecting any legal point, or threatened with law or ejectment, three pages of Lega] Matter of vital importance to every one is here, 4° If & Lover and your Courtship is rough and thorny, it will tell you exact times to Court and Marry with greatest possible felicity. ~ If in doubt and perplexity regarding the future, and know not which way to turn for the best, this ALMANACK contains Birthday Information for every day of “the*year, whereby you may see what Fate has in store for you ea, in the-future, = Heoontains an Every-day Guide, instruct- *. ing you when to Travel, Remove, Seek Employment, Hire Servants, Buy, Sell, Court, Marry, etc., etc. It contains a Weather Guide for every day in the year, and tables and information of great interest and importance to every one. It contains a large Hieroglyphic, and Predictions relating to Kingdoms, Nations, and Individuals. w. FOULSHAM & Co., Ltd. ‘% 10 & 11, Red Lion Court, Ficet Street, B.C. 4.