PRA2122 Reader

PRA2122
Pastoral Ministry
READER
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Copyright © 2009 by the South African Theological Seminary

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Contents
The Biblical Basis........................................................................................................1
1. Living and Working in the Community...................................................................1
2. The Unique Role of the Pastor............................................................................10
Pastoral Duties..........................................................................................................17
3. Home Visitation in an Age of Teleconferencing...................................................17
4. The Shepherd Visits.............................................................................................27
5. House Calling.......................................................................................................33
6. Visiting the Sick....................................................................................................41
7. The Rehearsal and Ceremony.............................................................................48
8. Weddings.............................................................................................................57
9. The Ceremony.....................................................................................................60
10. A Brief Ceremony...............................................................................................61
11. Weddings...........................................................................................................64
12. Funerals.............................................................................................................73
13. Funeral and Graveside Services.......................................................................80
14. Funerals.............................................................................................................89
15. Handling the Hard Cases...................................................................................93
16. Infant Baptisms and Dedications.....................................................................101
17. The Pastor and the New Members..................................................................109
Integrating Visitors, Involving Members...............................................................115
18. Making the Small Church Visitor-Friendly.......................................................115
19. Keeping Visitors Coming Back........................................................................122
20. Assimilating Newcomers..................................................................................127
21. Turning Members into Ministers......................................................................139
22. Strategies for Ministering to Inactives..............................................................151
23. Motivating and Recruiting Volunteers..............................................................163
Church Discipline....................................................................................................170
24. The Doctrine of Church Discipline...................................................................170
25. The Spirit of Church Discipline........................................................................177
26. Restoring a Fallen Colleague..........................................................................184
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Chapman, Living and Working in the Community
The Biblical Basis
Ken Chapman, How to Plant, Pastor and Promote a Local Church (Lynchburg:
James Family Christian Publishers, 1979), 151-159.
1. Living and Working in the Community
The pastor should in all circumstances and on all occasions be a good example of a
true Christian gentleman. His conduct should be such that people will spot him as a
preacher yet so that they will not be surprised to find out that is his calling.
For the pastor, living in the community is like living in a fish bowl. The eyes of all are
upon him. There is very little that he can do in privacy. It is well to remember also
that the eyes of the Lord are upon you, no matter where you are. The eyes of the
public eye are also always upon you. Remembering these two things will help to
build good character and a good reputation.
I. The Pastor’s Conduct
The pastor is not a private citizen and he will do well to always remember this. In a
sense he holds a public office and is always under public notice. The church he
pastors and the man himself is judged by his conduct. While the pastor must not
keep himself separate from the people yet he must at all times uphold the dignity of
his high calling. At no time should he appear conspicuous and on social occasions
he should take part in the conversation, games or other innocent activities. It must
become a second nature for him to practice thoughtfulness and consideration of
others. He will be careful never to take advantage of others for his own gain, nor will
he ever set himself forward as a privileged person, he will not ask for ministerial
discounts, but he will take his place as any other person and wait his turn simply and
cheerfully. He will not embarrass others by criticism or complaint but will think first of
his duties and privileges and only last if at all of his rights.
In 2 Corinthians 5:20 Paul declared: “Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as
though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled
to God.” The pastor is in a very strategic place in God’s program. He stands in the
place of Christ, in Christ’s stead,” pleading with men to be reconciled to God. What a
position and what a responsibility!
A. The Pastor’s Conduct in Public
His conduct in public should be dignified but not stiff nor should [page 152] he be
boisterous or assume an attitude of self-importance He must always take care not to
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belittle others by word or act. He should not break in on a conversation nor in

conversation with others take the attitude that he knows it all. When he is traveling or
away from home he should be as careful of his conduct as he is at home under the
eyes of his people. When driving a car he should be careful to observe all traffic
regulations. When traveling on public conveyances he should be the model of good
behavior. When his responsibility is on the platform he should practice the golden
rule naturally. It seems strange that a preacher who will want others not to whisper
will keep up a conversation on the platform during the song service and even when
someone else is speaking. When speaking with others on a program, the time limit
should be carefully observed. A speaker has no more right to steal another’s time
than he has to steal his money. It is strange that preachers who preach against
dishonesty will practice this dishonesty.
B. The Pastor’s Conduct in Private
Pastors need to be often reminded of Solomon’s words in Proverbs 23:7 “As he

thinketh within himself, so is he” and to carefully heed the admonition, “Keep thy
heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Every
pastor ought to apply the words of Jesus to himself. “Wherefore whatsoever ye have
said in the darkness shall be heard in the light; and whatsoever ye have spoken in
the ear in the inner chambers shall be proclaimed on the housetops” (Luke 12:3).
The pastor must be courteous at home to his own folks. His politeness to outsiders
should also be practiced at home. Impoliteness is wrong in public, in the pulpit or at
home in the midst of one’s family. His private life should be like an open book with
nothing concealed. Emerson’s words soberly warn: “Don’t say things. What you are
stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the
contrary.
C. The Pastor’s Conduct Under Trial.
The pastor as a man is often sorely tried. He is sometimes the victim of a love-
starved woman who seeks openly or secretly to throw him to satisfy her craving for
affection. Also he may for some unknown reason incur the dislike of some woman.
Without realizing it he may pay more attention to certain women, and thus arouse
jealousy and suspicion. Pastors have been known to use their position to gratify their
sensuality. This is tragic when it takes place. Every pastor ought to commit to
memory a text from the book of James: “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am
tempted of God, for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempteth no
man; but each, man is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed.
Then when lust hath conceived it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished,
bringeth forth death” (James 1:13-15).
The temptation often arises to lose his temper. It may be unjust [page 153] criticism,
thwarted plans, a terrible injustice or an outright insult. Is a pastor ever justified in
blowing up under certain circumstances? He may be but it will usually hurt him. It is
usually best to ignore sources of irritation to pay no attention to things that tend to
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upset him. The Lord Jesus is our example and He remained silent under false
accusation, “Hearest thou not how many things they witness against thee? And he
answered them to never a word; insomuch that the governor marveled greatly (Matt.
27:13-14). By quietly going ahead with his responsibilities, not stopping or swerving
because of accusation, or opposition or slander, refusing to retaliate or even to
waste time and energy answering-back the pastor shows himself to be a good
follower of the Lord, Jesus Christ.
D. The Pastor’s Conduct as a Guest
1. In the home or meal in public. The pastor’s manners or lack of them will never be
so noticeable as when he is a guest either overnight or for a meal. If a guest in a
home for any extended time he should graciously accept whatever accommodations
are provided, never complaining but at the same time not to be timid to ask for
simple necessities if they are overlooked. He should not leave the bedroom or bath
in disorder. He should seek in very way not to inconvenience the family. He should
show an interest in the family and its interests. He must not make himself the center
of conversation hut rather guide it toward others and their interests. An inexpensive
parting gift is always appropriate and a thank you note as soon as possible is a must.
The preacher as guest in the home has come in on the human level and may thus
find his greatest opportunity for doing good in that family, this situation can put the
consecration of the preacher to a very severe test. He must be careful to avoid all
risk to his spiritual influence. Politeness should be the golden rule. If you don’t know
how to act, get a good book on etiquette and read it.
When invited for a meal, the pastor should be careful to be on time. It is a sin to keep
a family waiting for the late arrival of the pastor. Not only should the pastor be on
time but he should not stay too long. Whether in the home or in a public place the
pastor’s table manners should he above reproach. He should not monopolize the
conversation not talk with food in his mouth. Do not make a glutton of yourself - it is
not good for the preacher to have the reputation of being a big eater. Do not overstay
your welcome. I once knew an evangelist who wanted the evening meal after the
service then he would stay and talk until the wee hours of the morning. The people
resented it. They had to get up in the morning and go to work, get the children off to
school, etc., while the evangelist would stay in bed until almost noon the next day.
Make your visit short, friendly and spiritual; leave in the home the impression of Paul,
‘This one thing I do’.
There are some breaches of etiquette which if he does he will never be [page 154]
able to live down. One is the use of a toothpick. Never, never use one in public. An
older pastor once said to a group of ministerial students in this regard, “If you must
use a toothpick, go to your room on the second floor, pull down the shades of the
windows, lock the door and get under the feather bed to do it.”
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E. Parties, Banquets, and Other Social Gatherings
In the church there will be social gatherings which will be held for purely fellowship
purposes, to help the people get acquainted with one another in such things as
homecoming with dinner on the grounds, new members’ dinner, sweetheart
banquets, New Year’s watch night. There will be other times when you will have
such things as stewardship banquets for propaganda purposes.
If you are not the promoter, then let others do the planning but let it be known that
you will be glad to help in any way you can. Young people especially like to do their
own planning and will resent interference from others. Whatever the function may be,
no matter who is promoting it, the pastor should know what is being planned for, he
has the responsibility of stopping anything not in keeping with the testimony of the
church.
F. Outside the Church in Homes of Members or in Community Halls
Usually the members will invite the pastor to parties in their homes. However, if they
don’t, be sure not to be offended. On the other hand, accept the invitation if you
possibly can. Your presence can be a real benediction and many a hostess will sigh
with relief when she knows her pastor will be present. He will be a strength to help
maintain a Christian testimony. Few people will step out of line and do something not
in keeping with the occasion with the preacher present. I remember one occasion
after a wedding rehearsal, the groom’s mother wanted me to attend the rehearsal
dinner. I had in mind not to go, but something in her plea constrained me to go. I
found out afterwards that some of the kinsfolk of the bride had a tradition to get
drunk at such affairs. I went, and there was not a hint of strong drink. The groom’s
mother expressed her thanks for my presence afterwards and explained how I had
saved them from what they feared could have been a bad situation.
Care needs to be taken that you as the preacher do not take the most important role
at the party. Some pastors have apparently thought they were supposed to be the
life of the party by telling the biggest jokes, the funniest stories, and laughing the
loudest at everything.
Especially among the young, a pastor needs to remember his youth. Even when he
shows grey around the temples or turns completely grey he can still think young. It is
important that the pastor stay young at heart to get the viewpoint of young people.
You can be sympathetic and understanding. When they come to you with questions
and problems take [page 155] time for them. Above all, never, never assume a
“super-pious” attitude.
How you behave at parties and social functions will determine to a large extent their
opinion of you, whether they can have confidence in you or not.
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II. The Pastor’s Involvement in Community Affairs
The Pastor’s unique position does not mean that he does not have an interest in the
welfare of the community in which he lives. He is a human being, he is a member of
society, and as such he must face the same problems that other members of the
community face. He too is affected by the affairs of the world. He too is to be
concerned with the new school, the new industries moving into the area. He should
also be concerned with political elections. His family must be cared for and his
children schooled, the same as others.
His position and attitudes in the community will determine his degree of effectiveness
in the ministry. He must not ignore the value of informal contacts in the ordinary
routine of daily life. He should let it be known in every legitimate way possible that he
is glad to be a part of the community. He should let his voice be heard in community
affairs as a citizen. If he only mingles with his own flock, shunning all other public
functions he accomplishes little in raising the spiritual temperature of the community.
Of course he will not stoop to any questionable practices but he will identify himself
with the people. The community of flesh and blood people will appreciate a preacher
who realizes they have needs and possibilities.
How Deeply Involved Should the Preacher Become in Community Affairs?
This can be a real problem. A thing may not be wrong in itself, but at the same time it
might be better not to be involved in it. The preacher will need to govern himself by
taking into account some practical considerations.
1. Is the Affair Good or Bad?
A fireman’s ball would usually not be a function a Christian could attend, much less
the preacher. On the other hand, a school picnic might be acceptable.
2. What Are the Implications?
The thing might not be evil, but what are its implications? What attitude would the
community take towards the pastor and the church? How would it effect the work of
the Lord? Would it cause some people to become prejudiced against the church?
Would unsaved people get a wrong impression? A new restaurant opened up,
advertised a certain brand of fried chicken. I just mentioned to a man on the street
that I might eat there sometime and try that chicken. He immediately said: “You have
no business going in there: they serve beer and you are a preacher.” Just [page
156] my eating chicken in that place would have caused him to question my
testimony. There was no outward indication that they sold beer there.
3. What Effect Would It Have Upon the Main Work?
If not careful, a pastor can become burdened down with extracurricular activities to
the extent that his prayer life, Bible study and visitation will be neglected. I have
known pastors who prided themselves in being “all things to all men,” who ran to
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every tea party, attended all the ball games and met with the civic clubs, but had no
power in the pulpit. There are ways in which the pastor can be a part of the
community without always doing something. Actually, it is more a matter of attitude
than anything else. Just be a part and usually the people will accept you as one of
them. Fit in with the customs and don’t try to change them as long as they are
legitimate.
4. What About Community Gatherings?
Often in small towns and communities the preacher is expected to attend and take
part in community activities. The dedication of public buildings, new subdivision, high
school commencement, Fourth of July, Memorial Day celebrations and other
community functions are some things the preacher is expected to take part in.
When attending any public function, whether he is a participant or one of the crowd,
the preacher should take care not to draw attention to himself. He should not be
reading, whispering or doing anything except paying attention when someone else is
speaking or singing. Preachers very commonly fall into offense at this point, and you
should be extremely careful not to do so.
If you accept an invitation to speak at some community affair, adapt yourself to the
occasion. If I could not conscientiously speak and adapt myself to the occasion, I
would not accept the invitation. I would remember first that I am a representative of
Jesus Christ and then a representative of the community. I would not compromise
my position, and somewhere in my talk I would state the great fact of salvation.
However, I would not use it as an occasion to display my pet theories or the
particular doctrine of my church.
A sin of which many times preachers are guilty of is disregarding the time. Do not do
this. Make it a point not to be late to a public function. Another way of transgressing
in this area is in speaking beyond your allotted time. “The eminent Hebrew Christian,
Louis Meyer, used to say:
If I am told just how many minutes I have for my message I always make it a point to
stop before the time is up. Then I am quite certain to be invited again. If people liked
the address they will not say. “It was a pretty good sermon but it was too long.”
Rather, “I could have listened a good while longer.”
One further word. Always appear at your best at such times. You are [page 157] not
only representing your church, you are also representing your Lord.
III. The Pastor and His Finances
Most pastors are honest at heart. There are very few cases of actual premeditated
dishonesty on the part of the pastor. The problems with finances usually arises
because of carelessness or incompetence. He should learn to live within his income.
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It is unethical for a pastor to expect to be exempted from the rules that govern others
in business transactions.
A. Realize the Importance.
It is vital that the pastor realize the importance of his business practices. As far as
business firms are concerned, the preacher will either be accepted, tolerated or
despised because of his business practices. Always the pastor should determine that
he is not going to dishonor the name of the Lord. Usually business people will go out
of their way to help the pastor. He must be careful not to abuse his privileges.
B. Pay Your Bills.
Always pay bills promptly. Sometimes the pastor, usually through carelessness, will
find himself in a financial bind. Bills will be due and he will not have the money to pay
them. What shall he do? Wishful thinking will not solve the problem; it will not just go
away. Kicking yourself for having made the bill in the first place will not solve it either.
The problem is there and something must be done about it. Face up to it and set out
to do something. Go to the creditor and explain the situation. Let him know that you
want to pay, intend to pay and will do something just as soon as possible. Set a date
when you think you will be able to take care of it. Businessmen will treat you much
better if they think you will honestly seek to make your obligations. However, if you
avoid them or make them run you down, they can get very irritated if they think you
are trying to beat them out of it.
C. Learn to economize.
Perhaps you are living beyond your means. In days of easy credit and lavish use of
credit cards it is easy to buy until you are in over your head. It is dishonest for a
pastor to plead his small salary as an excuse for not paying debts. Check up on your
current expenses:
1. What about the fuel bill? Perhaps you could shut off a room or rooms not
necessary to use; perhaps the thermostat could be turned down a few
degrees.
2. What about air conditioners in warm weather? Would a fan solve the problem
with less expense?
3. Food supplies. Do you take advantage of grocery specials? I found one time
that I could save about $10.00 every week by going to about three different
stores in one shopping area.
4. What about electricity? Do you turn off lights when not needed, [page 158]
outside lights at night, etc.?
5. Telephone. It is so easy to pick up the phone and make long distance calls,
but it costs too. Even a 15-cent stamp is still cheaper.
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6. What about monthly payments on appliances, TV, radio, late model car: Could
you do without some of them? A new car is nice, but those payments come
around regularly. The interest alone would pay other bills.
It could be that you have cut everything to the bone and you still keep getting a little
deeper each month. Perhaps the only way you can solve your problem is to take
some secular employment for a temporary period. This does not mean you will leave
the ministry. Usually it will be possible to maintain your ministry and work at another
job at the same time. I know one preacher who drives a school bus until he can get
some of his pressing bills paid.
By all means a preacher must not leave town with unpaid bills left behind.
Sometimes indebtedness cannot be avoided, but when the obligations are on top of
the man instead of the man being on top of the obligations the danger point has
been passed. In all money matters the pastor must be above reproach (blameless).
IV. The Pastor’s Personal Relationships
The pastor owes it to His Lord, to himself and to his people to keep physically fit,
mentally alert, and spiritually alive. It is wrong for any pastor to have a habit or
engage in any practice that would lower his level of personal efficiency or weaken his
influence.
The pastor as a proclaimer and interpreter of the Word of God should sacredly
reserve time for serious study and preparation. It is wrong for the pastor to come
before his people unprepared in mind and heart to lead them in thought and worship.
For a pastor not to spend time in prayer and preparation is inexcusable.
The pastor is to be a well-read man. In his reading he will gather many ideas from
others. It is unethical for him to use those ideas verbatim without acknowledging the
source from which they come. It is wrong for him to use situations which were the
experience of others and apply them to himself as though this was his experience.
Brethren that is just plain lying!
The pastor may have some people in the church who are closer to him than others
but he should be careful not to show partiality and neglect those who may not be in
the inner circle.
As pastor you will have some intimate confidences entrusted to you. By all means do
not ever betray a confidence.
The pastor by necessity will have contacts with girls and women, be very careful that
you keep yourself free from any suspicion of impurity. Do not ever invite or express
personal affection in a way that might be [page 159] misinterpreted.
As pastor be careful not to give endorsement to agencies or individuals about whom

you do not have thorough knowledge. Check out any suggested speaker before
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inviting him. It is a good policy to check on the speaker’s beliefs, convictions and
ethics before permitting him in your pulpit.
The pastor must not ever engage in any kind of worldly amusements or questionable
activities, which would lower the Christian standard. It is wrong for the pastor to do
anything that would bring discredit to the church or to his calling.
With the young pastor the question often comes up about “ministerial discounts”. The
rule is don’t ask for them. The church should pay their pastor a living wage and with
this he should pay his way the same as anyone else. It is ministerial suicide for a
pastor to be grasping in money matters, It is wrong to set a price on his services as if
the practice of religion were a profession. The pastor is guilty of sheer hypocrisy who
preaches tithing and stewardship to others and does not practice his own preaching.
We cannot rationalize our thinking and excuse ourselves that we are in full time
service of the Lord and our whole life is dedicated to Him.
The pastor is not a “hired man” to be hired or fired by the deacons or other church
officials. He is God’s minister, called by Him and set for the defense of the gospel.
He is a servant of the church whose position as pastor gives him responsibility and
authority. If there are other paid employees of the church the position of pastor gives
him greater responsibility and authority but he should always remember that he is a
servant and never assume a doctorial attitude toward fellow workers or the church.
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Cedar, The Unique Role of the Pastor.
Paul Cedar, “The Unique Role of the Pastor.” In PA Cedar., RK Hughes & B
Patterson, Mastering the pastoral role (Portland: Christianity Today, 1991),
16-23.
2. The Unique Role of the Pastor
The pastorate is one of the few professions where the professional can
aspire to be Renaissance person, someone who employs a number of
skills and interests to serve God and neighbor.
After I’d pastored Lake Avenue Congregational Church for about a year, Peter
Wagner said to me, “I think the two toughest jobs in the world are being
President of the United States and pastor of Lake Avenue Congregational
Church.” I don’t know that Lake Avenue was tougher than other pastorates, but
I am convinced he was at least partially right. The pastorate is among the most
difficult vocations today.
To begin with, pastors rarely see their work neatly and tidily wrapped up. Just
before I entered seminary, a veteran Wesleyan [Page 16] Methodist pastor took
me by the arm and said, “There’s one thing I enjoy in the ministry more than
anything else.”
He had a twinkle in his eye, so I knew he was setting me up. But I went for it:
“What’s that?”
“Saturday mornings. That’s the morning I mow my lawn. It’s the one thing I do
every week where I can look back and see what I accomplished.”
People are designed by God to receive satisfaction when they’ve accomplished

a worthy task. Unfortunately, the pastorate is one of those vocations where the
worthiest accomplishments—spiritual growth, for instance—are intangible.
Bankers, carpenters, and printers get to see measurable, tangible results. But
pastors often cannot. That can wear on them.
Add to that the constant daily pressures—sick to be visited, bulletins to be run,

sermons to be written, hurt feelings to be soothed, church conflicts to be
negotiated, budgets to be met, a community to be reached—and you’ve got a
formula for rapid burnout.
It’s not unusual for pastors to succumb in this environment. Some look to sexual
gratification to give comfort; others simply give up and quit; others still just
slowly wear themselves out. I know one minister, a man with a tremendous
pastor’s heart, whose ministry had a national reputation, who left the pastorate
nearly a broken man. By God’s grace he has experienced considerable
psychological and spiritual healing and has bounced back. But he remains a
living reminder of the difficulty of being a pastor.
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This reality of the pastoral life can be dealt with in a variety of ways. Certainly a
deep prayer life goes a long way toward maintaining vibrancy and health. Yet
I’ve also found that reminding myself of the unique aspects of pastoral ministry
renews me in my calling.
In my ministry, I’ve pastored Methodist, Evangelical Free, Congregational, and

Presbyterian churches, in both the Midwest and the West Coast. I’ve worked in
small congregations and large, and now I’m president of a denomination. As
I’ve worked in a variety of settings, I’ve noticed certain common denominators
of pastoral life that demonstrate the uniqueness of the pastoral calling.
A Renaissance Calling
In an age in which specialists abound, the pastorate requires a wide variety of

skills. It’s one of the few professions where the professional can aspire to be a
Renaissance person, someone who employs a number of skills and interests to
serve God and neighbor.
Pastors of smaller churches know this reality all too well. But even when I
headed a church with a staff of seventeen, I believed it essential to encourage
us all to remain generalists. Certainly, each staff person had his or her
specialty. But I wanted each staff person to employ and constantly improve a
variety of skills to accomplish his or her work.
For example, the pastor of music must be much more than an excellent
musician. He or she must be a planner, coordinating worship activities with the
senior pastor; a recruiter, inviting people to join choirs and orchestras; a people
manager, directing a large number of people with a variety of ages and gifts; a
financial manager, overseeing a significant budget; a master of ceremonies,
leading public worship and congregational singing on special occasions; a
negotiator, resolving conflicts and disagreements between people; and a pastor,
caring for the members of the various musical groups of the church.
Now that’s a Renaissance person! And other staff positions are no different.
Entrance into People’s Private Lives
Few professionals in our society have an open invitation to their clients’

personal lives. Nor do many have the opportunity to be with people during
critical life passages: birth, illness, marriage, death.
But the minister does.
This is so characteristic of our vocation that we call ourselves pastors. Most of

us see ourselves as shepherds who personally watch over our people, know
them individually, and share in their private lives. That’s a unique privilege we
should never abandon.
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Recently I visited a layman who is a national leader in his [Page 18]

denomination. Over the years, he has been deeply involved in his local church
as well as his denomination. He is a churchman in the best sense of the term.
With tears in his eyes, he told me how badly neglected he was feeling. He
recently had undergone surgery, and the pastor did not make a hospital visit nor
telephone nor even write a personal note.
The man was crushed: “I feel as though I don’t have a pastor. He is too busy
with administration and preaching to care about people. I’m not the only one—
many members of the congregation also are hurting because of the lack of
pastoral care.”
I understand the pastor’s temptation to give himself fully to administration and

preaching. Sometimes it feels like there’s just too much to do. But we give up an
essential ministry when we give up pastoral care. Pastoral care is not only one
of the greatest needs of our fast-growing, impersonal society, it is also a unique
privilege of the pastor.
Public Proclamation to Those We Love
Naturally, one of the distinctive callings of the pastor is public proclamation.

Other professionals speak publicly on issues concerning people’s lives, yet the
pastor’s proclamation is unique. Not only do we speak about eternal matters,
but we speak to people we love. We don’t preach to an audience nor to
constituents but to brothers and sisters in the family of Christ. Each Sunday
morning preachers look out on people they know and love.
When we forget that, our preaching becomes strained and impersonal. We’re
more likely to fill our sermons with “shoulds” and “oughts.” We may start seeing
the congregation as “them.” That attitude can quickly turn ministry into a dreary
business of correcting wayward sinners.
We rarely choose this preaching style intentionally. Instead, it sneaks up on us,

especially when we’re under pressure or when we overemphasize one aspect
of preaching.
A couple of years ago, I received a letter from a couple in our congregation who
begged me to start “loving them” from the pulpit rather than “scolding them.” I’d
been preaching a series of [Page 19] messages on the minor prophets; my
messages were likewise prophetic, although appropriate for the congregation.
But somehow, in spite of my sincerity and fine exegesis, my preaching had
become unbalanced—at least in their eyes.
I was reminded that even prophetic preaching should be communicated with

love and grace, not only in my words but in my attitude and spirit.
12
Proclaiming the Word, then, is a special form of communication that only

pastors enjoy. Besides giving people the words of eternal life, we give care from
the pulpit—public personal care.
Spiritual Counseling
The longer I’m in the ministry, the more firmly I believe in pastoral counseling. I
was not always so enthusiastic about it, however.
When I was in seminary, in the middle 1960s, psychology was just finding its
way into seminary curriculum. As we studied this specialty, many of us
students, without realizing it, developed inferiority complexes about counseling.
Studying psychological literature inclined us to think that only those specially
trained in psychology could provide first-rate, professional counseling.
Along the way in ministry, however, I realized that psychological counseling, as

important as it is, could never replace pastoral counseling. Pastors can
introduce a distinctive feature into counseling: a spiritual perspective.
Naturally, any Christian psychologist can do the same. But people who come to
a pastor for counseling are more likely seeking spiritual as well as psychological
guidance. If they were most concerned about psychological dynamics, they
would probably go elsewhere. But when they want to understand the spiritual
root of their psychological troubles, they often come to a pastor.
While helping couples resolve problems like communication and finances, I’ve
often found their deepest problem is spiritual. Without a fundamental change of
attitude, all my tips for them getting along better will amount to nothing.
For example, one couple came to me for crisis counseling late [Page 20] one
New Year’s afternoon. I listened to their mutual accusations, and I was
astounded when the wife began her complaints with their wedding day some
twenty years before.
It became evident that the root problem was not her husband’s faults or her
domineering and caustic manner. Both of them needed the same thing—to
follow Jesus as Lord, to allow the Holy Spirit to pour love and patience into
them. Over a period of weeks, I saw both finally repent and begin building their
marriage on Jesus Christ.
At other times, what troubled people need more than anything is forgiveness—a
spiritual “commodity.” They may need to learn communication skills and
understand their past. But they also may need to be freed from resentment, or
they may need to experience God’s forgiveness themselves. In the counseling
setting, the pastor is in a singular position to speak of God’s forgiveness and to
help people turn to Christ to help them forgive others.
13
I will never forget a young wife and mother who came to visit me several years
ago. Her face was literally twisted in agony; she was carrying a burden that was
destroying her. She shared with me something that she had never shared with
anyone else:
While she was a teenager, she had become pregnant and had had an illegal
abortion. Her parents had not known, nor had her friends, her husband, nor
three children. She felt, though, she simply could not carry the burden any
longer.
I had the privilege and delight of helping her ask God to forgive her. She was
completely set free that morning by a loving and forgiving God. She left my
study rejoicing and radiant. Never again did she have to look back at the burden
of that sin.
So pastoral counseling has remained an important part of my ministry. In the

larger church, I was limited as to how much counseling I could undertake.
Nonetheless, even in a large church like Lake Avenue I made it a practice to
see anyone who wanted to see me, although people might have to wait a few
weeks for an appointment. I didn’t want to give up this unique pastoral
opportunity to help people integrate the spiritual and psychological. [Page 21]
Vision Casting
There are not many professionals who have the privilege of setting and
maintaining vision for their organizations. The pastor is one of them.
Vision casting is not simply icing on the pastoral cake. The church’s vitality
depends on it. Lloyd Ogilvie at Hollywood Presbyterian Church used to talk
about how some churches get in the habit of “clipping coupons on the past,”
recalling endlessly the glory days of a church. That can undermine the ministry
of the church and be corrected only when the pastor makes use of this
particular privilege.
In one church I served, the congregation paid a great price for looking back.
The previous pastor had not cast vision for the future, so by the time I arrived,
we were several years late in beginning a new building program. In the
meantime, as our community exploded in population, our little sanctuary stood
at capacity. We failed to incorporate a large number of new people during that
window of opportunity.
Vision casting is also vital to the financial health of a congregation. When a

church is facing a financial challenge or crisis, the pastor is often the only one
who can give leadership to the congregation by communicating effectively the
church’s mission and the need for sacrifice. The pastor is the one who can keep
the focus on ministry, as opposed to just raising funds.
14
I know of one congregation that was having trouble building a new sanctuary
and sustaining their annual budget. Some trustees thought they should simply
cut the budget. But the pastor convinced them they could raise the money if
they communicated their situation honestly and candidly to the congregation.
So they did just that. In fact, the pastor became specific, tying the financial need
to the mission of the church: “If we don’t receive more, we’ll have to cut back on
one of the ministries of the church. In fact, we’ll have to lay off one of the
pastoral staff.” When people saw the personal dimension of the problem and
the ministry that would suffer, they perked up. They had a congregational
meeting soon after that and in one night raised over half of the money they
[Page 22] needed. A clear vision made a difference.
Laying before the church our mission is not only our privilege as pastors but an
effective use of our pastoral position.
A Sacramental Presence
I don’t understand it fully, and it doesn’t always accord neatly with my Protestant
theology, but it’s a reality I’ve experienced repeatedly in ministry: Pastors have
a sacramental presence in certain situations. I’ve seen it happen at weddings,
funerals, the commissioning of missionaries, and the ordination of ministers. I’ve
experienced it especially during dedications, baptisms, and Communion.
Whether one calls them ordinances or sacraments or rites doesn’t matter.

During such events, time touches eternity; the human and the sacred interact in
a unique way. Although I fully affirm the priesthood of all believers, these are
special moments in a pastor’s ministry when he or she acts like a priest for the
people. Some people seem to need another to represent God in such settings,
and so the minister becomes an instrument, a vehicle to communicate God’s
presence and blessing at such times.
I find this is also true during people’s crises. We can send deacons and
deaconesses by the dozens to the hospital to visit, for instance, but the pastor
has a unique relationship to a parishioner facing an operation. Whether it’s good
theology or not, people sense that a pastor represents God in a way other
people do not.
For example, several years ago I visited parents whose son had just been killed
in a motorcycle accident. I cried out to God, “Lord, what do I say? What do I do?
How do I respond? If you’re not possessing me, if you’re not ministering through
me, whatever I do is going to be inadequate. So guide me.”
In such situations, I’ve sometimes said many words and sometimes few. But
even more important than my words has been my pastoral presence. It’s not
that Paul Cedar was there; it’s that a minister of the gospel was there. And it’s
15
not because I’ve gone as a religious professional but simply as a person

publicly identified with God that people have been helped.
It’s incredible, really, that God uses pastors in such ways. [Page 23] But it’s an
unequaled reality of ministry.
Bird’s Eye View of God’s Grace
Finally, pastors, because of their particular role of overseeing the church, have
the privilege of seeing God work time and again in the lives of people. Because
we’re involved in so many people’s lives, we get to see not only their struggles
but also the resulting victories and spiritual growth. It’s not unlike a parent’s
perspective, seeing what God does in the lives of your children.
Not long ago, a young man met with me to discuss a new direction he and his
family were exploring. As we talked, I was reminded where this man was
spiritually a few years earlier, and again I was astounded at God’s goodness.
He grew up attending church. His father died when he was a boy, and his
mother, a godly woman, raised him alone. During the late 1960s, this young
man rebelled against his mother and became a hippie, eventually living with a
number of different girlfriends over the years.
The last girlfriend he lived with became pregnant. She was a woman he deeply
loved, but still he was angry. He asked her to arrange an abortion. But then they
both began to wonder if they wanted that.
As he thought about it. God began to work in his life. One Sunday he showed
up at the church I was serving, and during the service God prompted him to
redirect his life.
Shortly thereafter, he proposed to his girlfriend and married her, and they both
started attending church. Eventually they both committed their lives to Christ
and joined the church. After their daughter was born, I performed the
dedication.
Four years later, I noticed this little girl during our church Christmas program,
standing up front singing. I couldn’t keep the tears back as I realized she was
here only through God’s gracious intervention.
Every Christian gets to enjoy watching God work in people. But in a pastor’s life,
that experience is multiplied by tens and [Page 24] twenties. It’s just another
example of the unique privileges we have in ministry.
16
Self, Home Visitation in an Age of Teleconferencing
Doug Self, “Home Visitation in an Age of Teleconferencing.” In B Larson, P

Anderson & D Self. Mastering Pastoral Care (Portland: Christianity Today,
1990), 12-25.
Pastoral Duties
3. Home Visitation in an Age of Teleconferencing
Home visitation is an awesome opportunity and responsibility. For

many people, I can be an extension of Christ, an expression, albeit
imperfect, of God’s love.
— Doug Self
A typical day of pastoral visitation:
Early in the afternoon, I visited a blended family. The wife had a child from a
previous live-in; the husband had children from a previous marriage. They were
desperately trying to blend the families together. It didn’t take long to get down
to business. They were troubled that, because of the tension in the family, one
of the husband’s children had left to live with the husband’s former wife. To
make matters worse, the husband had just lost his job. The family was
pummeled and hurting.
[Page 16] Although the joblessness was new, the knotty problem with the
children was not. There weren’t any easy answers. We analyzed a recent family
blowup to search for better ways to handle their conflicts. Although I didn’t want
to lecture them, I did try to help them trust God in the midst of their turmoil.
As I got ready to leave, the husband, the wife, and I joined hands in prayer. I
asked God to put his arms around these two bewildered and exhausted
Christians.
A short time later, I was visiting a young couple who had been attending our
church for a few Sundays. What a joy! They had recently moved to our
community and had been invited by some regular attenders. During our visit
they assured me they’d found their church home with us. I love to hear new
people excitedly describe what they’ve found meaningful about our church.
At the last stop of the day, I counseled a soon-to-be-wed couple. The

prospective bride had a child from a previous marriage and was now six months
pregnant. The prospective groom told me how disappointed he was over losing
several previous children with other women. One child lived a week, and three
others were miscarried because of the women’s drug use.
17
I thought to myself. How can the world get so messed up? The two were
wandering around in life, trying to put something together. They hadn’t been
significantly touched by the church, yet they called on me to perform their
ceremony. So I tried to use that opportunity to build a relationship, and I hope to
see them trust in Christ eventually.
Visitation: At the Heart of Ministry
Every pastor has strengths, gifts, and interests. Some may emphasize
preaching, others administration, others teaching. For me, visitation has
become the joy and strength of my ministry. Some days visiting is an adventure;
other days it’s drudgery. But my pastoral ministry cannot exist without it.
Not all pastors, of course, will make visitation their top priority. Nonetheless,
personal care for members remains a vital part of [Page 17] every pastor’s
ministry for three reasons.
• It’s central to our call. To some degree, the words we use to describe our
calling determine the nature of that calling. We call ourselves ministers, so we
serve our people. We call ourselves preachers, so we proclaim God’s Word. If
we call ourselves pastors, that means we will also shepherd the church flock.
As a shepherd is responsible for the sheep, being with people is the heart of the
pastor’s responsibilities. In his book. Pastoral Theology, Thomas C. Oden,
professor of theology at Drew University, says, “The pastoral office is by
definition a shepherding task. … Shepherding cannot be done at a sterile
distance, with automated telephone answering services, computerized
messages, and impersonal form letters. By definition there cannot be an
absentee shepherd. There can be no mail-order or mechanized pastoral
service, because pastoring is personal. It is not just public talk but interpersonal
meeting where richer self-disclosures are possible.”
On one of my visits to a schoolteacher in our community, she told me of a child

in her school. The child’s mother is twice divorced. While the child was visiting
her father in another state, the mother moved in with a new boyfriend and his
parents. One morning after the child returned, the mother and boyfriend fought,
and the little girl assumed the blame for it. She was brokenhearted, feeling out
of place in a strange house.
I grieved for the child and admired the teacher, with whom I then prayed. I didn’t
preach or evangelize; I didn’t administrate, delegate, or plan. But I performed
essential Christian ministry: I spent time with a member of my congregation,
learned from her experience, and encouraged her in her faith.
• People need pastoral contact. Those who analyze our culture and business
world underscore the value of personal contact for leaders. John Naisbitt in his
book Megatrends says that in a high-tech society people crave high touch.
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Peters and Waterman in their book In Search of Excellence emphasize the

importance of MBWA, Management by Walking Around. Effective management
happens best through personal contact, the personal touch.
Likewise in the church, a recent survey summarized in the [Page 18] Ministerial
Competency Report shows that lay people consistently thought pastoral calling
important, even more than ministers did.
I’ve found that routine pastoral calls, during which we don’t talk about anything
urgent, are the most important ones to church members. Such contacts say
clearly, “Your pastor cares for you—not just about spiritual things, but about
you.”
Recently, during our church’s anniversary celebration, folks noted what they
appreciated about our church. One man wrote, “A pastor who takes time with
his flock, to lift them up out of the stony places, to encourage, to uphold in
prayer on a continuing basis.” People need pastoral contact.
• It’s a primary way to love incarnationally. As one minister put it, “Pastoral
visitation is incarnational: the Word became flesh and visited among us.”
I regularly call on a grandmother who lives with one of her daughters. The older
woman’s husband divorced her years ago, leaving her to raise the children,
including one handicapped child. Her grown sons got into drugs. Her married
son and his wife neglect their children. She also dislikes her job and feels
detached from her community because she and her daughter have had to move
several times over the years. I always feel her anguish.
The grandmother is powerless to do anything except love and pray. Many times
she is heartsick and weary. Yet I stand in awe of her, as does the community
and church, because she’s also a model of strength and integrity.
Before I leave, we join hands for prayer, and I usually pray that God will
embrace her with love and strength. Yet somehow I feel that, as her pastor, I’m
one who can literally embrace her. Most members don’t have the time or ability
to visit her. I do. It’s an awesome opportunity and responsibility, but I feel that
for many people like her, I can be an extension of Christ for them, an
expression, albeit imperfect, of God’s love.
Misconceptions Reconceived
We can line up the witnesses for visitation’s defense—professors, business

consultants, even the Bible—yet it continues [Page 19] to be dreaded or
neglected by many pastors. That’s partly due to bad experiences. But
sometimes it’s due to misconceptions. In particular, three misconceptions need
to be cleared up.
19
1. Visitation is an inefficient use of time. With so many to minister to, the

pastor may feel that time spent with individuals is not as effective as time spent
with a group. That’s not necessarily so.
I once read an article in an advertising journal that explained a hierarchy of

communication effectiveness. The least effective method for influencing
people’s attitudes, it said, was mass advertising—newspaper or the TV. The
article progressed up a half-dozen steps to describe finally the most effective
method: personal time with an individual.
A well-timed conversation with an unchurched person or a growing member,

then, can be the most effective time I spend. In a personal conversation, a
pastor can respond to another’s specific situation.
Mr. Kilmer was my fifth grade teacher. He was popular at Eugene Field
Elementary School; all the kids wanted to be in his class. No wonder: he spent
time with kids. I still remember the Saturday afternoon Mr. Kilmer invited me to
his house to watch baseball on TV with him and his family. Wow, was I
impressed! And I was more apt to attend to his lessons after that.
2. Visitation is too difficult to schedule. Even though I live and pastor in the
mountains near Aspen, Colorado, life speeds by at a hectic pace. Some people
here drive half an hour or more to work; others work late shifts at the coal mine.
Who knows when they’ll be home or in bed grabbing a few winks?
In the summer people enjoy the great outdoors, hiking, driving a jeep through
the mountains, or gathering wood for the winter. During winter they’re either
skiing or recuperating from the icy drive home through a blizzard. People like to
get cozy and relax in front of the hearth. They’re not looking to be disturbed.
So, everyone is busy these days, even laid-back country folks. It may be difficult
to schedule visits in the home, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, or
unimportant. I’ve found visitation powerfully enhances ministry and our church’s
health. So, I put up with [Page 20] some of the obstacles and try to overcome
others.
Each week I schedule several afternoons and evenings for visitation. I have to
pace myself, of course. Mornings, Tuesday through Saturday, are my study
times. At noon I jog and shower. Especially if I’m going to go calling, I rest and
relax a few hours in the afternoon, spending time with my family. Around 3 P.M.,
several afternoons a week, I head out to see people.
Sometimes I have appointments, but mostly I just drop by. I’ve been around
long enough to know family schedules—work shifts, dinner time, bed time.
Naturally, I try to work my visits around their schedules. In addition, people are
used to me dropping in, especially afternoons and evenings. We all accept the
20
awkwardness that visitation sometimes entails because we know the difference

it makes.
3. Visitation is risky and scary. Facing individuals on their home turf can be
unnerving. However, dreading pastoral visitation is not a 1990s development.
Early in this century, J. H. Jowett dealt with the pastor’s home calling in one of
his Yale lectures on preaching:
“The difficulty of delivering a message is in inverse proportion to the size of the

audience. To face the individual soul with the Word of God … is one of the
heaviest commissions given to our charge. Where there are ten men who can
face a crowd, there is only one who can face the individual. Gentlemen, it
seemed as though I could preach a sermon and never meet a devil. But as
soon as I began to take my sermon to the individual, the streets were thick with
devils” (The Preacher, His Life and Work).
This anxiety is aggravated if a pastor thinks poorly of himself or fears rejection.

The pastor may fear that professional credibility may be seriously jeopardized in
personal conversation. People might ask tough questions about spiritual
matters. Someone might have a grudge against the church or Christianity and
find the visiting pastor a convenient target.
There’s another side to this experience, however. Certainly, some of my most

uncomfortable moments in the pastorate have come in a family’s living room.
But I’ve also had unique opportunities [Page 21] to minister to people directly,
immediately, personally.
Once, when I visited a family who attends our church occasionally, I happened
into a argument. As I was sitting in the living room, visiting with the mother and
father, the teenage son came home. He walked through the living room, threw a
casual greeting over his shoulder, and went to his room. Suddenly he stormed
back into the living room and demanded, “What happened to my room?”
The mother’s anger overrode her desire to keep up appearances. “I told you this
morning to clean up your room, but you just sat around and listened to your
music and then rushed off to school,” she stormed.
“But you didn’t have to pile all my clothes in the middle of the room!”
“You haven’t washed your clothes for a month, so I just put them where you
could see them!”
The son stomped off to his room and slammed the door to punctuate his exit.
As the father and I looked at each other, he shifted uncomfortably. We began to
talk about family conflict. Needless to say, they were eager to hear some
biblical insight into family living.
21
I’ve been put on the spot to explain why a good God can allow evil to exist. I’ve
been that convenient target for people fed up with the church. Sometimes after
a difficult experience, I’ve crawled home feeling whipped, a failure.
But I’ve also matured through those experiences, and I’ve been able to turn
many of those awkward moments into growing experiences for others. In sports
they say, “No pain, no gain.” In the pastorate, I’d put it more positively: with pain
comes much gain.
Visitation Builds Better Ministry
Haddon Robinson talks about the “halo effect” in ministry, the extraordinary
regard church members sometimes accord their preacher, and the positive
effect it has on ministry. One factor that [Page 22] contributes to the halo effect
is the deepening relationship between pastor and people, especially as the
pastor visits people through the years.
Let me show specifically how pastoral visitation has enhanced my ministry.
• Preaching is enriched. Many pastors put in long hours to study the Word. But
I’ve found my preaching is better still if I also invest myself in a thorough study
of my people. Pastoral visitation gives me a handle on the questions people are
asking and the issues they are facing.
Bob wanted to get together because he was in a quandary about a new job
opportunity. I’d known Bob and his wife for a couple of years. He was likable,
enthusiastic and well-meaning. But he was obviously agitated as we began our
talk.
“He avoids talking and thinking about it,” said his wife. Peg. “He’ll work on a
thousand-piece puzzle and rent an armload of videos before talking about it.”
“I’m scared,” Bob added. “I’m afraid of making a wrong decision. I see things as
either right or wrong, black or white. But I don’t know which is the right choice.
Why can’t God let me know unmistakably?”
“So, how do you usually make decisions?” I asked.
“I’m usually ready to do it when an idea first comes up. I often volunteer for
things. But later I begin to have doubts: Should I do it or should I back out? I
hate that, so I put off decisions as long as I can.”
Bob and I then talked about a subject we had discussed before: his boyhood
relationship with his father. His father had been quick to hand out orders but not
to give praise. His father always found something wrong with the work Bob had
done. Instead of saying, “Nice job” after Bob shoveled the walk, for example, his
22
father would say, “Come on, Bob. The shovel hangs on the wall. Can’t you do
anything right?”
As we talked, slowly he made some breakthroughs. He was finally able to see

that God loves him in spite of decisions.
Many people struggle with decisions as does Bob, and many [Page 23] times
the root of their struggle lies in childhood. With Bob’s permission, I preached a
message that surfaced such issues. It touched a chord; many were in tears by
the end.
“One of the most palpable benefits that most pastors will realize from visitation,”
writes Thomas Oden, “is the kindling of the homiletical mind. Let us assume that
due confidentiality will be maintained. Pastoral conversation will furnish the
mind of the preacher with a pregnant train of ideas and kernels of insight.
Biblical subjects will be animated by rich experiential vitality” (Pastoral
Theology).
• Administration is made easier. If the pastor develops a feel for people’s

spiritual states, the church’s ministry program can be more accurately and
sensitively planned.
Several weeks ago I counseled with a young couple, Martin and Connie. Their
problems were many: they hadn’t spent time alone together in months, their
preschool children were demanding more attention, money was tight, and each
was ready to walk out on the other.
We talked for a while, and then I left. My heart went out to them, but I
recognized they were not alone. Indeed it was the problem of many young
families. How could our church help?
As I thought and prayed, I finally came up with an idea: What if we matched up

a younger family with a family whose children were older or gone from the
home?
During the next Sunday’s morning service, I left the pulpit and walked down the
center aisle. I began talking about the pressures that families with young
children face day in and day out. I suggested the idea of a family with older
children adopting the younger family for support, encouragement, and childcare
a couple of times a month. Applause broke out.
I continued walking toward the back of the auditorium where Martin and Connie
were sitting. Having gotten their permission ahead of time, I introduced them to
our congregation (they were newcomers) and asked for a volunteer family to be
“grandparents,” “aunts,” or “uncles.”
23
For a moment no one moved. Then Tom Hammond raised his [Page 24] hand.
Tom and his wife. Dee, are middle-aged with several children, almost all grown.
The congregation was buzzing after the service about the idea. Martin told me
several people approached them after the service and offered assistance.
Visitation, then, led to a church program targeted to meet genuine needs.
• Crises are averted. By continual circulation, dropping in from time to time, I

often can detect a crisis in the making. It might be that seeds of conflict,
explosive anger, or despair lie just below the surface. Often, through an
extended time of personal ministry, I can help a person can get a grip on the
problem.
Once when I visited Sally, a woman I had counseled often over the years, she
told me about the latest troubles of her daughter and son-in-law. Mac and
Ginny’s several years of marriage had been marked by fights, drinking, and
misery, although for some reason they stayed together.
They weren’t interested in coming to church, and they wouldn’t listen to anyone.
They weighed heavily on Sally’s heart. Often she was drawn into their lives,
getting caught between fighting parents and feeling she had to rescue their
baby during a night of drinking and arguing.
When she was through explaining the latest episodes, she said, “I know there’s
nothing anyone can do, but it’s frustrating. I feel so alone with this problem.”
“No, there’s no one who can actually solve the problem,” I responded. “But
there are some friends who could help you bear the problem, some friends who
could listen, understand, and pray with you about it.”
She appeared puzzled momentarily. “That would help. But I just hate to keep
talking about it. Year after year, there’s no improvement. My friends would get
tired of me moaning about it and desert me.”
“Maybe there are a few special friends, some friends whom you’ve walked with
in their difficulties. There’s Sherry, and Molly. I know they think the world of
you.”
“I guess you’re right, Doug,” she replied. “They do know [Page 25] some of
what’s going on with Mac and Ginny. But I don’t think they really know how it’s
affecting me. But I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re not a burden; you’re a friend. Believe me, I
know that there are a lot of people in the church who would feel as I do.”
That conversation was pivotal for Sally. She had been discouraged about Mac
and Ginny, feeling increasingly isolated. Aside from providing the suggestion
24
that she talk with friends, the pastoral visit alone averted a crisis of deepening
depression.
• Ministry is affirmed. An effective pastoral visitation ministry can give the

pastor a sense of accomplishment. Pastors work with a lot of intangibles. Often
success or failure is measured by an ill-timed comment mumbled by a
disgruntled member on his way out of the Sunday service. Let’s face it: pastors
could do with a regular dose of satisfaction and achievement.
I’d known George and Maggie for nearly ten years. I’d sat with them in my study
and in their living room on numerous occasions.
However, George, while warm, had always held me at arm’s length. While
Maggie had attended church regularly with the kids for eight years, George
found something else to do on Sundays. He acknowledged his intention to
develop his relationship with Christ, but he did little about it.
Then he began been facing some business problems that weren’t yielding to his
usual efficiency. And business stress was adversely affecting his family life.
Although I knew about his problems, on this night I had just happened to stop
by on a routine pastoral call, intending no more than a friendly visit.
After greeting me warmly, George quickly plunged into describing his

frustrations. I empathized with him about his pain and confusion.
When it seemed appropriate, I mentioned that at certain crisis points it’s helpful
to step back and consider the whole of life. Once in a while a man must ask
hard questions such as, “What am I living for?” “What am I accomplishing?”
“Am I investing my energies in [Page 26] what will bring a deep sense of
accomplishment?”
George had been asking himself just those questions, so he was eager for
wisdom. I suggested some ways he might effectively analyze his problems—
spiritual, vocational, and marital. My words fell like rain on parched earth.
Sometimes his face brightened; other times his brow furrowed, indicating deep
thought. He commented several times that he wished he had his tape recorder
running so he could save the conversation.
He then talked about his wife. He acknowledged that her life of constancy had
been an inspiration to him. Her deeper relationship with the Lord had impressed
and attracted him. As a result, he felt he could now more readily give himself to
Christ. His wife was beaming and crying. Her prayers of many years were being
answered.
We prayed together; we wept together. As I left, George squared his shoulders,

gave me a firm handshake, and said, “Doug, you’ll never know how much
25
you’ve meant to us. Your coming by tonight was perfect timing. I needed what
you had to say. I’m ready to get serious with God. It’s time. Thanks.”
One by One, Day In and Day Out
Pastoral visiting offers great variety, as the examples from this chapter illustrate.
In fact, the pastor must be able to read family situations as quickly as an NFL
quarterback reads defenses.
Yet for all the skill required, visitation isn’t nearly as glamorous as professional
sports. Directors don’t make movies or TV shows about routine pastoral
visitation. There are no songs immortalizing it.
But maybe there ought to be, because pastors across the world put in five to
twenty hours a week visiting the people in their churches and communities.
They gently teach. They give assurance. They offer prayers. They keep families
together. They comfort the grieving. They rejoice with the joyful. In their words
and especially with their presence, they communicate to an increasingly
impersonal world of mass media and teleconferencing that God cares for
individuals, one by one, day in and day out.
26
Adams, The Shepherd Visits
Jay Adams, Shepherding God’s Flock (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1974), 75-81.
4. The Shepherd Visits
Biblical Visitation
Does the work of visitation fit the concept of pastoral work? Does not the
conjunction of these two images (shepherding and visiting) seem contrived? Is
there any internal congruity between them? Or, is pastoral visitation something
that was devised by well-meaning pastoral theology professors?
Presumably there must be a legitimate biblical connection not immediately

apparent to us perhaps, for in speaking of the worthless shepherd, Zechariah
writes:
Take again the equipment of a foolish shepherd, for l am raising up a

shepherd in the land who will not visit the perishing, or seek the
scattered, or heal the wounded; even the healthy he will not sustain...
Woe to my worthless shepherd, who forsakes .the flock! (Zechariah
11:15-17, Berkeley).
And Jeremiah, in similar tone, said:
Therefore, thus says God concerning the shepherds who feed my

people: you have scattered my flock and driven them away, and have
not visited them; behold I am about to visit you for the evil of your
deeds, declares the Lord (Jeremiah 23:2).
A careful study of the use of the Hebrew word paqad (“visit”) and episkepto (by
which it is regularly translated in the LXX) shows that while the idea of visitation
(as it is usually conceived) is not necessarily bound up with shepherding, there
is a vital sense in which the two are peculiarly connected. In an earlier place we
saw how the episkopos (bishop) oversees as a shepherd (cf. chapter two). The
“visitation” in view in both the Old and Testaments at its core is oversight that
shows concern for. The concern which is at the core of biblical visitation is
equivalent to a kind of [page 76] remembering or thinking about another (cf.
Psalm 8:4; 106:4. where the two words “visit” and “remember” are used in
Hebrew parallelism) that leads to action. To visit is to show concern for in
blessing or in judgment. It is to show concern that grows out of one’s oversight
and inspection (cf. the root of the English word “visit,” which finds its meaning in
the thought of “looking” after or “seeing”). The idea of God’s oversight, interest
in and active concern about the nations, His people, and individuals is
paramount in the biblical use of the term. He, in contrast to all of the false gods,
is so great that He knows and cares about men. He is the God who cares
enough to visit (i.e.,. to look into and do something about their affairs).
27
Thus, the idea of taking measures to inspect and attend to whatever conditions
one discovers, out of concern, is the main thrust of the word. The thought of
God showing initiative in His relationships with men, at times also may be
present. The image of knocking on doors and paying visits (as the method of
showing concern), however, is not inherent in (or even a prominent thought
related to) biblical visitation.
Unfortunately this biblical emphasis has been missed by many ministers of the
church, who have equated visitation with making house calls. While it is true
that the making of house visits is one way in which to show concern and to
exercise one’s oversight, it is only one way. Possibly, the original idea of
concern for another at the root of the term was closely connected with [page
77] concern shown by paying just such a visit. But in biblical usage, there is a
much fuller, richer meaning, certainly going far beyond the notion of making
house calls. At its center is the idea of the Shepherd of Israel who watches over
and meets every need of His flock.
Much time has been wasted by patterns of useless pastoral calling that
developed from a misunderstanding of this term. House calls assuredly ought to
be considered to be one means of exercising pastoral oversight, showing
concern and dealing with people’s problems, but just that—one means, and
only one. The biblical data indicate that house calling may not be considered
the only means, or necessarily the best means of discharging the pastoral
function of visitation however. Indeed, in our day of sprawled-out cities, modern
communication, rapid transportation, etc., making house calls is probably one of
the most ineffective and inefficient methods of visitation available.
Since the word, and the passages in which it occurs, demands that every
means for exercising oversight and showing concern be employed, pastors will
visit by making house calls. But those who come to understand the depth of
meaning in this word will not fall into the trap of believing that they have
discharged their duty to visit-as-a-shepherd merely (or even principally) by
making such calls. Nor will they place so large an emphasis upon house calls
as traditionally some ministers have, through a faulty understanding of the
biblical concept of shepherdly visitation.
Instead, they will see that visitation means the exercise of pastoral care and.
discipline. Thus active concern in meeting of needs, counseling with members,
etc., will be seen to be of prime interest in visitation. To say that the shepherd
“visits” is to say (with Zechariah and Jeremiah) that he cares for the flock by
healing the wounded, tending them, gathering them together and the like. To
“visit” is to carry on all of the shepherdly concerns bound up in the
comprehensive, care mentioned earlier. Modern translations (cf. NASV) have
caught the true significance of the biblical (terms for) visitation when they
translate them by such words as “tending,” “attending to” or “care for.”
28
A New View of Visitation
According to the older view, the pastor was to be in the home of his peo ple
constantly. He was to call regularly, along with the elders of the church. While
there is no intention on my part to take anything away from the value of the
contact and the work accomplished by means of such visitation, there is
nevertheless need to see that the Scriptures lay a greater obligation upon the
elders and the minister. Too often in the past, house calling was [page 78] the
sum and substance of pastoral visitation. No longer may the pastor be satisfied
with simple calling, and the prayer and Bible reading exercises which often
accompany it. The small talk, the superficial inquiries, the conversations that
never got off the ground (not to speak of reaching their goals, because of
interruptions by ringing telephones, pots boiling over, etc.) were all too often
characteristic of the understanding of visitation-as-house-calling that prevailed.
For a time in the village context it may have been possible to settle for a slim-
line version of the biblical teaching without too many disastrous effects (not that
there were none). But now that modern living patterns have changed so
radically, the inadequacy of the method has become painfully apparent.
People’s lives are not being changed, their problems are not being solved, and
their unsolved difficulties have grown alarmingly. Pastors too often are the last
to learn of problems which, had they been aware of them earlier, they might
have prevented from growing to larger proportions. Now so often people come
for help only when the situation is all but hopeless. The present problem of the
church thus virtually shrieks for a fresh examination and application of the
scriptural concept of shepherdly visitation as comprehensive care and
discipline.
Let us consider just one current difficulty. Not too long ago the members of each
congregation lived close to one another. They were part of the same village or
city block, etc. Persons on the same block knew one another, held block
parties, had neighborhood baseball teams, etc. They were daily intertwined in
each other’s lives in a hundred ways. In the village any day in the week the
pastor could walk down main street and, simply by doing so, see half of his
congregation at the general store or along the way. Men went home for lunch.
Everyone was home early at night. Very little of significance happened without
everyone in town (including the pastor) soon becoming aware of it. Now, all of
that has changed. The new mobility of society has destroyed much of what the
word society used to mean. Members of a congregation may go months (or
even years) on end without even seeing their pastor or one another except
during the structured hours together each Sunday. They hardly know one
another as persons.
Regular daily contact of church members in the past was built into the village or
community living pattern. Today it is not. It was easy to have fellowship. No one
had to think about the problem of contact; the problem rarely existed. Today, all
sorts of pseudo-groups, in which people seek to meet the need for fellowship,
29
have sprung up. This is clear evidence of the need. Discontent has been
expressed with preaching and structured church services. Some of the
discontent is valid, but as is becoming quite apparent [page 79] wherever it has
been tried for any length of time, bulldozing down the walls of the church
building, ripping apart the seams of the service and replacing sermons with
slides fails to provide the answer. There are two needs to be met. While there
may be temporary relief as a result, failing to meet one need in an effort to meet
the other will never work. What the church most needs today is wise
shepherding—shepherding that senses the true nature of the longings, the
fears, the troubles and the acute needs of the flock. Creative shepherding will
lead to guiding the flock into greener pastures and beside still waters.
By the two needs, I refer first to the need for fellowship, which has grown so
great that desperate measures have been advocated in order to satisfy it. But
secondly, there is also a need for orderly corporate worship, service and
(especially) teaching. Overthrowing the structure of the latter in order to gain the
former in many cases already has proven to be counterproductive. The answer
will never be found in either/or, but rather in both/and solutions. Both needs
must be met in order to assure complete satisfaction.
Therefore, whatever happens in any given case, the final solution (if biblical) will
provide for an assembling together of members that allows for the fellowship of
stimulating one another to love and good works (cf. Hebrews 10:24). Otherwise,
the “habit” deplored in Hebrews 10:25 is likely to become all the more prevalent.
When adequate fellowship is built into congregational activity (and today it must
be built in consciously since it no longer comes naturally in these urbanized
times in which we live), the members of the congregation will not complain
about structure, nor will there be serious questions about preaching and
teaching (provided that it is good).
Now, where do the pastor and pastoral visitation fit into this picture? In several
ways.
1. Because pastors and elders recognize that visitation means meeting all of the
needs of the sheep, they will read the signs of the times, which (for instance)
will cause them to become deeply concerned about meeting the need for
fellowship among the members of their congregation. They will recognize that
throwing away the pews will not solve the problem, but also that making more
pastoral calls will not do it either.
2. They will attempt to encourage both formal and informal fellowship among
their members. Creatively they will think of ways in which to bring [page 80]
members of the congregation together to get to know one another as human
beings, not merely as the persons who sit across the room in meetings and
always vote the other way. They will look, for instance, at the number of
structured meetings per week and seek a better balance between structured
and unstructured gatherings. They may ask, “Why should a midweek service be
30
held (a) at the church (b) for all persons, (c) at which time the pastor speaks
again?” They will come to see that many variations are possible instead that
provide for better fellowship:
a. The midweek service could feature testimony and hymns sing in addition
to prayer (a minimal solution).
b. It could become a family night beginning early, with supper at church and
closing early to allow children to get to bed.
c. It could be split into smaller groups, meeting in several homes over

coffee and doughnuts for fellowship, Bible study and prayer.
The pastor is much too heavily overloaded to prepare a midweek talk; why
should he? Instead, this time could be more unstructured, allowing for the
people of God to meet together for Christian fellowship and the contributions of
various others. Elders may learn to exert greater leadership through these
meetings.
Why do churches feature Sunday evening youth groups only? Why can’t there
be a concomitant parents’ hour for fellowship at least among those who have to
come early to provide transportation for the young people anyway?
In many congregations, it is possible for members and friends of the

congregation to have dinner together (it does not have to be elaborate)
following the morning church service. This could be done regularly or monthly or
quarterly. On this model, the evening service would be scuttled, a good bit of
fellowship would be provided, and the day would be topped off by a late or mid-
afternoon service. This format might be found very useful in communities in
which it is dangerous to be on the streets after dark.
Again, in other places, on Sunday evenings the church could gather for light
supper early, hold a brief informal service at the conclusion and provide ample
time for visitation among the members in each other’s homes afterward.
[page 81] Whatever plan is adopted (and these are only a few offered
suggestively), one thing ought to be encouraged: members must learn the
blessings of fellowship and hospitality once again. All of which leads to the next
point.
3. The pastor will encourage hospitality by setting a good example himself. He

will spend as much time (or more) fellowshipping over coffee or tea as in
making routine house calls. Much of such fellowship will be in his own home
(e.g., after the evening service for dessert). Often he will bring in two or three
families who need to get to know one another. While he and his elders will
probably get around to most of the homes once every year or so, he will
certainly see to it that he makes other opportunities to get to know and to
31
fellowship with every family and every member in the congregation. Out of
these informal gatherings, where the conversation is allowed to drift, he will
discover problems that may be handled best by setting up counseling
appointments in the church study In these more intensive, problem-oriented
sessions, the work of healing the sheep most frequently will be carried on.
4. The pastor will not overestimate the importance of the house call by equating
it with the biblical work of visitation.
Recognizing that visitation means complete care of the flock as a whole and of
every member of the flock individually, he sees personal counsel, guidance, the
meeting of congregational and individual needs (such as fellowship, the
example we have just briefly explored), and even church discipline as functions
of biblical visitation (caring concern). Therefore, he may wish to relate house
calling to other aspects of visitation (congregational and personal care) in a
manner similar to that which follows:
32
Adams, House Calling
Jay Adams, Shepherding God’s Flock (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1974), 85-95
5. House Calling
How to make house calls
Before leaving the subject, it might be wise to discuss the matter of making
house calls. Because much of this work has been and still must be carried on,
the subject has been studied thoroughly and much information has been
gleaned about it.
I have already mentioned some problems connected with the making of

appointments. Here, then, let us consider the actual visit itself.
The Entrance
Coming to the door after prayer for God’s blessing upon the house call will help
the pastor to be cheerful, relaxed (and thereby relaxing), confident and friendly.
He should be sure that he comes from God’s presence into the home.
Everything in the call will be conditioned by this. Only then will the visit be the
call of a “man of [from] God.”
Unless the situation into which he enters is known to be grave and serious, the
pastor should try to enter the home with a happy spirit. After an exchange of
greetings, in which he attempts to size up the mood and situation (at least
provisionally), the pastor should make an attempt to fit into or reshape the mood
by his next responses. If the mood is casual or anticipatory (perhaps he even
senses nervousness at his entrance), he might begin by commenting pleasantly
about something that strikes his eye that might open a casual one- or two-
minute exchange during which (1) he can [page 86] further check up on his
initial reading of the situation; (2) the householder can adapt to his presence
and begin to relax. Often, an honest compliment will do well (“Your azaleas out
front are lovely this year,” or “Isn’t that a new clock on your mantle?”). Such chit-
chat ought not to be extended beyond a few sentences.
Sitting Down
Does this heading sound strange? Well, withhold judgment for a moment and
consider the following brief, but pointed observation. It may save you a
considerable amount of embarrassment. Here is an important don’t: Do not sit
down until invited to do so. Too many visits have been spoiled by the pastor
thoughtlessly sitting down in a chair with a cracked leg that either (I)
immediately gave way under him or (2) kept the householder’s mind so
preoccupied about whether it would that he (she) got nothing at all out of the
call. The rule is: sit where directed when directed.
33
The Discussion
Giving suggestive opportunities to the householder to raise issues is one way

for the pastor to begin if he knows of no special issue. Mention the husband (or
wife), the children, the marriage, school, work, the church and—most important
of all—the householder’s own relationship to Christ. If nothing is forthcoming, a
direct question is always in order (“Before I leave, is there any matter that you
need to discuss with me?”). Sometimes in offering prayer a matter will surface
(“I’m going to pray before I go; are there any particular matters that you’d like
me to include in prayer?”). One minister finds it useful to send a note before
every regular visit confirming the time and day and suggesting to the persons
visited: “Be sure to jot down every question that you would like to discuss.”
Another pastor, at the beginning of the visit, simply states: “I am here to be of as
much help as can be. What are the matters that you wish to take up?” Thus,
together with the member, he sets up an agenda at the outset. At all costs, the
pastor must make it clear that because God is interested in all of life, he, as
God’s shepherd, is willing to bring God’s Word to bear upon any matter of
concern. The discussion of problems probably should be reserved to those
[page 87] problems that can be handled in one visit only. The discussion of
problems taking longer ought to be scheduled for counseling in the study. By so
scheduling further appointments, the pastor conveys interest and shows that he
is interested in giving thorough rather than merely peripheral help. Most pastors
will develop their own calling styles. Most find that style must be flexible and
different approaches must be used with different people. The pastor who does
not learn to adapt will fail to meet needs. Sometimes specific issues, growing
out of past discussions, afford the best opportunities for giving assistance (“How
has the problem with the discipline of the children worked. out since we last
talked?”. . . “Have you worked out the problem with Jonathan’s mother yet?”. . .
“Well, I am anxious to hear about how it went when you told the boss you were
not going to put your job before your wife any longer!”).Often a few minutes’
thought beforehand, possibly coupled with a review of calling and counseling
records, will provide the material for introducing such helpful openings.
Flexibility of approach is important. That means that rather than develop one
standard approach to be used in all situations, the pastor who best exemplifies
his Lord will learn how to deal with each individually. Jesus had no stereotype,
but approached everyone differently (just notice the variety of approaches in the
Gospel of John, for example). Yet, flexibility of approach, like all other true
flexibility, grows out of cast iron structure. One can be flexible only when he is
flexible in the use of something given. In this case he must be flexible in his use
of clearly defined goals and objectives. It is not flexibility to allow the
conversation to sail aimlessly across uncharted seas with no port in mind. There
must be a destination in view, a captain in command, and a willingness to take
any biblically legitimate course to reach that destination. Various factors may
blockade the most direct route. Less direct yet more sure routes may need to be
explored. In it all, the pastor must remain at the wheel and steer a course as
direct as possible toward a known port in a charted manner. And, he must be
34
careful not to allow contrary winds to blow him off course. The destination of the
visit is twofold:
1. To uncover any special needs that ought to be met by the pastor;
2. To show God’s loving concern for His sheep (a) by coming and (b) by offering
any immediate assistance that might be required.
It should go without saying, but perhaps it is better to be clear and say it

anyway, that the discussion—while centering upon the problems and needs of
the householder(s)—will do so in an importantly different context [page 88] than
that which is developed, let us say, by a liberal or Unitarian visitor.. From start to
finish, the pastor comes as the representative of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is
but an under-shepherd who works for and with the “Great Shepherd of the
sheep” (Hebrews 13:20), who is the “Chief Shepherd” (I Peter 5:4) of the flock.
As such, he mentions the will of the Shepherd, speaks always of His interests
and continually represents Him as the one in whose name he has come. (cf.
esp. Matthew 10:40-42; Mark 9:41; Luke 24:47. In these passages Jesus plainly
directed that ministry should not be carried out in one’s own name, but in His.)
This means that the pastor’s conversation easily, and without either affectation
or embarrassment, should turn from time to time to a discussion of the Lord and
of His glory. His Word should be the basis for all advice and His help should be
sought for all endeavors carried out in His name. Of all persons, the sheep
should find it easiest and most comfortable to talk about the Shepherd with His
under-shepherds.
Length of the Call
Many pastoral calls are too lengthy. Within broad limits, each call sets its own
length. Generally speaking the rule is: the more substantive the discussion, the
longer the call. Chatty calls of an informal sort can be as brief as five minutes’
duration; substantive calls might last hours. For the average call, a pastor might
plan to spend from twenty minutes to one hour. When he finds that he still
requires more time and that there is much yet to be accomplished, in many
instances (probably most) it would be wise for him to terminate the present call
and schedule a series of weekly counseling sessions in the study. While it is
important to strike while the iron is hot some pastors find that (especially in very
tense discussions) they can get only so much and no more accomplished in one
discussion. Ordinarily one hour of discussion under tension is about all that can
be pursued fruitfully. It is better, usually, to nail down one or two initial steps in a
solution that will help make progress toward the ultimate solution, and let these
develop before trying to handle any more matters. True gains are made only if
they have time to become solidified. Giving someone too many things to do
(especially during a first visit) often discourages and confuses him In such
cases, the visit may be considered a pre-counseling contact. lt may be
considered to be successful if the problem emerges, the householder shows
concern for honoring God in the matter, initial steps are taken to begin to deal
35
with it, and agreement is reached to begin a series of more formal counselling
appointments.
When during a visit it becomes apparent that no special problems will be raised,
the pastor [page 89] should consider the call to be at an end, and should make
an effort to bring it to a close. He may close a visit in several ways. Usually, the
formal house call can be closed, simply by saying, “Before I say goodbye let me
read a portion of the Scriptures and have prayer.” Upon doing so, the pastor
should arise immediately, head slowly for the doorway (or request his coat) and
without lingering leave. Some pastors, to the exasperation of their members, try
to conduct a second discussion in the hallway. That is no place to talk. When a
pastor announces his departure, he should be as good as his word. The
usefulness of what he has done during the visit can be destroyed by such
dawdling. Many men waste as much as twenty minutes per call because of this
bad habit.
Bible Reading
It is always good form to use the householder’s Bible whenever it is readily

available. The pastor then may insert a tract or pamphlet at the place from
which he read so that the member may reread for himself at his leisure. This is
especially crucial whenever there has been a necessity to discuss the
application of a passage of Scripture during the previous conversation. This
should be a regular practice, not merely occasional, since few people know how
to make personal application of the Scriptures themselves. Sometimes it is also
necessary—when the Bible is not at hand—to jot down the Bible reference on a
card or tract and leave that instead. In one way or another, it is important to
direct the householder to ways in which he may further reflect upon the
discussion of his life in the fight of God’s Word.
At any rate, whatever Bible is used, the Scripture reading ought to grow out of
and be appropriate to some aspect of the discussion. A brief portion, read at
times with a crisp explanation (whenever necessary), is best. Whenever in the
discussion itself a particular Scripture passage was read, explained and
applied, it is wise to use this same passage again for the obscuring Bible
reading (“Let me remind you of what God says about love by rereading that
passage in I Corinthians 13 . . .”). Long readings (and especially without
explanation) are rarely productive. The pastor will have a [page 90] growing list
of passages appropriate to various situations that he uses frequently with profit.
Prayer
As with the Scripture reading, the prayer should focus upon the discussion. Yet,
the prayer may (indeed should) range beyond. It should seek to bring the whole
of God’s concern into relationship with this family. It should go beyond human
needs and speak dominantly of the ultimate concern of all believers: to glorify
God. Thanksgiving should be mingled with earnest supplication. Doxology
36
should balance confession of sin. While man is sinful, God is holy; while our
problems may yet be unsolved, God’s purposes are victoriously unfolding.
There is, then, always a note of joy and triumph possible in any call, and it is
upon that note that it should end. That triumph and joy are found in God; but we
who know Him may enter into it too, for the Kingdom of God is righteousness
and peace and joy by the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
Some Thoughts on House Calls
It is plain that house calling either can become a blessing or a burden to the
pastor. Unless he learns to say “no” to the incessant thoughtless requests of
some members to make unnecessary house calls, and unless he develops the
biblical view of visitation that puts house calling in its proper but limited place,
the pastor will, like many before him, carry about the unnecessary and crushing
load of the guilt of the unmade call. Proper scheduling (q.v.), a biblical
perspective and a reasonable plan for house calling will remove the load. I
mention this burden again because it is so widely felt by so many pastors and
has been such a large contributing factor in the decision of many to leave the
ministry. Do not allow the Adversary to gain a beachhead here. Together with a
proper program of study and sermon [page 91] preparation, correct practices of
visitation and house calls will give a freedom and release to one’s ministry that
nothing else can provide.
The formal call should never deteriorate into an inquisition. As A. H. Baldinger

once wrote:
To be sure, the pastor of today is not the pastor of former days, neither
indeed can he be. It is sometimes difficult for older members of the
church to recognize the changed conditions amid which pastoral work
must be done, or to adjust their minds to the fact. Time was when the
pastoral function consisted principally of periodic visitation of the
homes for the purpose of exhorting the parents and catechising the
children (provided he could get hold of the latter before they ran away
and hid). It was a solemn day for the family when the minister called.
While changes in practices of house calling have occurred, many of these have
been based upon something less than biblical principle.” All changes in pastoral
work must arise out of an effort to better understand and better apply the
scriptural norms to a changing society. Each change in society that creates
problems for pastoral work should send pastors back to their bibles to re-
examine the scriptural injunctions in an attempt to make the new applications
that are demanded. Sometimes in return, new insight is gained (especially is
this true in the area of pastoral work, about which so little scholarly study has
been done). But the pastor always must be careful not to bend the Bible to the
circumstances. Neither the Bible nor the pastor may become a mirror to reflect
the times; rather, they must become a force to mould them.
37
Surely, however, the sort of “solemn day for the family” that Baldinger describes
as typical of the calling of the pastor in the homes of his members, we may be
glad has all but disappeared (in some tight-knit ethnic circles it still persists).
Such fear of the minister and the elders, such gloom over the coming of the
shepherd who comes in the name of the Good Shepherd to do good to His
sheep has no biblical support. It was wrong and always shall be wrong. The
solemn visit can be considered a welcome loss, hopefully never to be brought to
light again. The coming of Christ’s shepherd should be a time of hope and even
of joy. The discussion should be conversational and substantive, never
dictatorial or inquisitorial. A biblical balance of authority, desire to minister and
loving concern provides the proper attitude. However, it should be noted that
the origin intention behind [page 92] the formal pastoral call, which may have
misfired by being transformed into an inquisitorial session, must not be lost. Too
often in reaction the baby goes out with the bath. The formal solemn visit had
behind it the proper biblical intention of inquiring into the state of the lives of the
members in order to help. Unfortunately, the means had become the end. Yet,
discovering needs, we have maintained all along, is one Scriptural purpose of
true pastoral concern. But this biblical objective best can be reached and the
end kept clearly in view, by grasping the wider biblical notion of visitation, and
by making the house call one means toward that end.
While it is true that house calls may uncover information that demands
exhortation or even censure, and while it is possible that many calls may
(should) develop into a solemn discussion of sin and its consequences, that is
quite a different matter. It is one thing to enter the house—every house—with a
solemn chip-on-the-shoulder, and it is another to enter a Christ’s servant
coming to offer help from His Word in the name of the Lord.
Most disciplinary matters are handled best by scheduling a special call clearly
demarked ahead of time as a visit in which the topic of discussion is known to
all parties beforehand, and which is clearly differentiated and distinguished from
a regular pastoral call.
It is vital for the pastor to avoid carrying gossip about the congregation as he
visits; otherwise he will become a spiritual Typhoid Mary. Not only should he
keep his own mouth closed but also he must be quick to stop the mouths of
others who would like to fill his ears with such pollution. A gentle rebuke, often
implied in the pastor’s refusal to receive gossip as soon as he is able to identify
it as such, will silence it and help a thoughtless member for years to come.
Others must be dealt with more directly. Sometimes the only way to handle the
problem is to interrupt and warn, “If I continue to listen to this, you recognize
that it will obligate me before God to go and talk to Phyllis about this problem;
and, of course, I must reveal my source of information.”
[page 93] The old saying, “A house-going pastor makes a church-going

congregation,” is only partly true. Many pastors who have bought the simple
statement merely at face value have discovered that its mechanical application
38
did not pay off such handsome dividends. Instead, they found that the hours
were long and exhausting and the returns were few. What they (and possibly
the wit who first put together the proverb) failed to understand is that it is not
house-going per se that leads to church going. Rather, looking at pastors who
visited faithfully by making house calls, they assumed that the call, in and of
itself, was what made the difference. To a small extent, doubtless, the showing
of interest in (“remembering”) does pay off. But ‘what they failed to see was that
the all-important factor was what went on during those visits. Certainly in those
cases in which substantive help was offered and given, in which the calls were
the prelude to more intensive follow-up during counseling sessions, etc., that
kind of house-going led to a meaningful kind of church-going. Church
attendance growing out of superficial calling (“I covered fifteen houses today!”)
will tend to be of a kind with it. Persons whose allegiance is gained in this way
come just so long as the pastor feverishly makes the rounds to say “hello and
good-bye” every two or three weeks. They are won by the attention of the
pastor, and not often to faith in his God. But when a minister has called,
uncovered a serious problem and dealt with it in depth over six weeks of
consecutive follow-up counseling sessions in the study, and a marriage has
been saved as the result, or a boy has been rescued from drugs, and the
counselees have been drawn close to God, that family is more likely to become
a churchgoing family that will continue to come and to listen and to grow
whether the pastor ever visits them again or not. They are there because he led
them to the Chief Shepherd, not to himself. It is the quality and the content of a
pastoral visitation, not merely the fact of calling, that count.
The pastor who keeps in mind the three basic purposes of pastoral calling, (I) to
uncover sins and needs; (2) to show God’s concerned interest in His sheep and
(3) to deal with simple problems, will not expect too much from making house
calls (leading to disappointment and discouragement). Nor will he depend too
heavily upon pastoral calling (leading to the false notion that making house calls
= shepherdly visitation) as the one and [page 94] only means of pastoral care.
He will be concerned instead to develop and use every other general and
specific means possible for assuming this responsibility.
Commenting upon Acts 20:20, the text most pertinent to pastoral calling, John
Calvin (as he so often did) wrote what so far might be considered the definitive
word:
This is the second point, that he did not only teach all men in the
congregation, but also everyone privately as every man’s necessity did
require. For Christ had not appointed pastors upon this condition, that they
may only teach the church in general in the open pulpit, but that they may
take charge of every particular sheep.
In conclusion, it may be said that the formal house call is a (1) biblical, (2) useful
and (3) necessary part of every faithful pastor’s ministry. Yet it must neither be
equated with visitation, nor should a minister spend too large a proportion of his
39
time engaged in making house calls. Instead, he must concentrate upon

pastoral visitation (of which making house calls is but one part) and determine
what the priorities must be in the concerned care of each particular flock that he
is called upon to shepherd. These will be determined not only by the standard
ministerial activities required by every congregation of the Lord Jesus Christ,
but also by the specific needs of each congregation as they appear from the
pastor’s concerned analysis of them.
While he will not depend upon pastoral calling as the one-and-only means to
accomplish the work of shepherdly care and discipline, he will by virtue of a
narrower focus expect to accomplish more through house calls than he did
formally. If he restricts his goals to the three aforementioned, he can
concentrate upon them. Instead of attempting to accomplish everything by
means of house calling (and thereby actually accomplishing very little), by
focusing upon showing God’s interested concern (“remembering”), discovering
problems and meeting simple needs, he will do much more. Clear goals and
purposes lead to more actual achievement for Christ. The man who calls, not
knowing what he wants to accomplish in a call, more often than not, is likely to
go away not knowing what did happen. By centering upon specific objectives in
depth, the pastor can determine (1) whether or not he has achieved the ends
that he had in view and if not, (2) what hindered him in doing so. Focus and
concentration [page 95] are important: one can do so much more or less. The
narrower the goals, the more fully they can be accomplished. Samuel
Shoemaker rightly observes that “a clergyman today often fails ... from
scattering his shot too widely.” Therefore, above all, know and pursue definite
realistic goals in making the formal call. Then, the “widespread scepticism
and ... constant revolt” against making house calls will vanish, for they will
become what they ought always to have been: one profitable, fruitful means for
pursuing the work of pastoral visitation.
40
Adams, Visiting the Sick
Jay Adams, Shepherding God’s Flock (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1974), 110-
119
6. Visiting the Sick
All Should Visit
It is the duty and privilege of all Christians to visit (i.e., to be concerned about,
and care for the needs of) the sick. Matthew 25:36 makes this plain. God has
served notice that He expects elders to be available for such work in their
official capacity (James 5). And the pastor in particular, as a teaching elder, is
obligated as shepherd to look after the sheep in times of such need (Zechariah
10:2, 3; 11:15, 16; Ezekiel 34:4).
In connection with the visitation of the sick I have noted already that the concept
of visiting is broader than that of making house calls or, as in many instances of
the visitation of the sick, hospital calls. That the obligation does involve this in
part, James 5 makes certain, but Matthew 25 (as well as the whole thrust of the
biblical notion of visitation as concerned care) expressly prohibits us from
identifying calling with the whole. In Matthew 25:36, Jesus literally says
this:.. .“sick, and you looked after me (episkep Iomai).” The word used must be
contrasted with the word used in the latter part of the verse concerning the
prisoner: “in prison, and you visited (or came to—elthate) me.” The former term
also is used in James 1:27, where truly religious man is designated as one who
“looks after” or “takes care of” widows and orphans. Clearly this cannot mean
merely to pay visits to or make calls upon widows (or orphans!) Visitation of the
sick, then, means far more biblically than making hospital calls. Yet, tragically,
in the recent history of the church it has degenerated to that. Entire clinical
pastoral educational programs built upon this partial view of visitation have been
developed. Seminaries have spent inordinate amounts of time and effort [page
111] training men in bedside manners, etc. Yet, how little time has been
devoted to the development, growth and maintenance of programs for the total
care of the sick (not to speak of orphans and widows).
There can be little question that a total ministry of mercy that is led by the
pastor, carried on largely by the elders and deacons, and that enlists all of the
members of the congregation is what is needed. At points this may lead to the
development of hospitals, adoption agencies, etc. At the very least, it will insist
upon seeing that all physical and other needs are met. Galatians 6:10 is an
imperative sadly neglected by churches today. There may be instances in which
it might be necessary to raise large sums of money to meet the needs of
indigent Christians who become ill. At other times, it may mean taking out a
health insurance program for impoverished members. Whatever the solutions
reached—and these must be thought through much more creatively in the light
of the new shape of modem problems than we have done so far—visitation
means looking after the needs of God’s flock.
41
While there is a desperate need to explore and exploit this biblical concept of
visitation to the full, at the same time there can be no lessening of the ministry
of the Word. Yet, the third (and largely inadequate) substitute for both that so
often has been described as the ideal for the visitation of the sick will not do.
The sort of feeble, effete sympathizing with destitute believers, who are
staggered by overwhelming medical and hospital costs, which offers no more
help than sympathy alone, is a far cry from the biblical concept. On the other
hand, writing off one’s obligation by writing a fat check quarterly for the
deacon’s fund will not discharge one’s duty either. Somehow the giving of one’s
time and self must be coupled with the giving of his money. Most of all, the
giving of the Bread of Life must be, first and last, the fundamental focus of all.
And that is exactly where pastoral leadership comes in. By preaching and
teaching, by planning and enlisting, the pastor will develop and maintain a
program that creatively provides for both the care that is needed and the
opportunity for every member to participate in exercising that care. When he
prayerfully gives his time, his heart and his prayer to the institution and
maintenance of such a program, he will discover that he can accomplish more
in the long run than he can by running all over the community for hours on end
making sick calls.
The Pastor’s Task Today
I do not wish to suggest for a moment that the pastor should not make calls
upon those who are ill. Particularly is it necessary for him to make hospital visits
and especially visits to those who call for him or who should [page 112] do so
(cf. James 5:14). Such opportunities for the effective ministry of the Word are
rich and must be mined deeply for the blessing of the sheep and the honor of
their Chief Shepherd. Yet many aspects of calling visitation as they are now
carried on by pastors could be conducted by elders, deacons and others within
the congregation—to the great benefit of all involved. It is just simply a fact that
if the pastor does not mobilize the entire congregation for the work that all can
(and ought to) do, it will not be done, what is done will be partial and spotty, and
the pastor soon will find himself carrying about the load of guilt of the unmade
call. Therefore, perhaps the chief task of the modern pastor in helping the sick
consists of planning for and instructing, training and encouraging a
congregational ministry to them.
Perhaps one of the main reasons why pastors leave their congregations so
frequently these days is to escape from the ever-increasing weight of unfulfilled
obligations. The answer for both pastor and people is not fight, but
reconsideration of obligations and a reorganization of the congregational
visitation program through a mobilization of the gifts of all of the members to
meet the needs of all. After all, what does Ephesians 4:11, 12 mean when
applied to the text in Matthew 25:36 if it, does not require the pastor-teacher to
enlist, instruct and train his entire congregation (Matthew 25 applies to all
Christians, not just the church officers) for this ministry?
42
To meet specialized problems, such as severe illnesses and those occasioned

by sin in which experience and ability for counseling are needed, the eldership
in general and the pastor in particular must be available and’ willing to make
every house or hospital call required by the situation. But if the pastor wastes
his time doing what other members of the congregation, could do as readily or
even better than he, he robs everyone of blessing. On the one hand, spotty and
partial calling upon shut-ins and convalescents, for example, will cause them to
miss the blessings of a regular ministry. A couple of members bringing a tape
recording of the weekly Sunday messages, sharing in a discussion of the joyful
news of the congregation and regularly speaking of the needs of the sick
member can accomplish far more than a busy pastor, no matter how noble his
intentions may be he simply does not have the time to devote to all of these
activities most of [page 113] which are not limited to pastoral work, but are
activities in which any believer may share. Moreover, whenever the pastor tries
to do what a member can do, he robs the member of the blessings of using his
gifts in ministry, remembering that “it is more blessed to give than to receive,”
the wise pastor seeks to lead every member of his congregation into the fulness
of these blessings. And, in turn, he—as a true pastor who recognizes that it is a
part of his ministry to encourage the ministry of all according to Ephesians 4:11,
12—receives the blessings of having “given” this to the members of his
congregation.
That the task of the pastor does not consist only of personal ministry to those in
need is borne out by a careful reading of the pastoral epistles (to Timothy and
Titus), in which these two pastors are instructed again and again to engage in
the work of developing the personal ministries of all members (cf. for example, I
Timothy l:5;2:l,7, l0;3:15;5:l-16;6:17, 18; Titus 2:1-10, 14, 15; 3:2, 8, 14). Those
verses paint the picture of a pastor busily cultivating his own life before God in
order to instruct, organize, develop and fully employ the gifts of the whole
congregation.
Pastoral Calling Upon the Sick
While the ministry of “looking after” the sick is larger than that of making calls
upon them at home or in the hospital, nevertheless that is one aspect of the
work to which a pastor has been called. Much has been written already about
this task in many places (most of which wrongly sees it as the all-in-all of the
visitation of the sick and which, therefore, must be evaluated in the light of that
failing), and I do not wish to duplicate that which is available elsewhere..
Plan for the Visit
To pray intelligently and plan adequately for the visit, the pastor should discover
as fully as possible beforehand (1) why the patient is in the hospital; (2) how
serious his condition is. These factors will determine the urgency of the visit
(“Should I drop everything and go, or can I wait a day?”), the proposed length of
the visit and the selection of appropriate scriptural passages to use during the
43
visit. Before visiting, the pastor [page 114] should pull the sick member’s
visitation card(s) from his file to discover what passages have been used
previously. A card record should be simplicity itself; all complicated records
discourage use.
Go Upon Request
Calvin’s principle, when ministering in Geneva, was not to visit unless he was
requested to do so in accordance with James 5:14: “Let him send for the elders
of the church.” There are some good reasons for adopting a stricter adherence
to this principle than has been characteristic of the pastor in recent times. First,
the principle is biblical. However, while the pastor is required to go only if
requested to do so, the biblical principle does not forbid his paying calls upon
sick members when his presence is not requested. In going only upon request,
Calvin possibly went too far. Especially would this sort of rigidity be erroneous
now. For in these days when Christians are so poorly instructed, the pastor
must at times go even when not asked. Yet (and this is crucial), he should
teach, through preaching, bulletin announcements, etc., that it is as much the
duty of every sick member (or his family) to call for a pastoral visit, as it is to
request the services of the physician. People do not expect the physician to
take the initiative; why should they expect the pastor?
[page 115] Secondly, pastors should explain that they are neither omniscient
nor omnipresent and that in our modem urban communities they simply do not,
receive information about sickness soon enough in many instances.
The congregational grapevine unfortunately functions well about some matters

(usually those that should never be communicated) but often poorly in
conveying such information. Strictly speaking, each member of one’s
congregation must be taught that there is no one to blame but himself, if he fails
to receive a call from the pastor because he has not requested it.
The problem of who takes the initiative is a third reason for stricter observance
of the biblical injunction “let him call.” When he is ready to see the pastor (or
elders) he can then make that known. If there are problems (or sins) connected
with the illness that must be discussed, it is well for the one who is sick to have
initiated the counseling situation by requesting the call. A request for visitation
should not be construed merely as a request for a quick call to hold hands,
instead, both the patient and the pastor should approach it from a biblical
stance involving whatever total ministry may be necessary.
The pastor who properly trains his people in these matters will save both
himself and his members many headaches and heartaches. There are
numerous ways of reminding the congregation besides the usual mention of the
point in pew cards, church calendars and bulletins and in teaching and
preaching. For instance, take the situation in which a member asks his pastor to
visit a sick non-member. What should the pastor do? One way of handling the
44
situation is to say to the member: “Will you please contact Mary first in order to
discover whether she would like to request that I come?” Here, on the one
hand, the pastor may avoid making many unnecessary and unproductive calls
while, on the other hand, encouraging more serious (and more fruitful) visitation.
Whenever a member (or his family, in case of his inability) fails to ask for a call,
the pastor would be wise to phone before going (unless there is an emergency)
and say something like the following: “I hear that Tom has been taken to the
hospital; but since I haven’t received a request to visit, I was wondering whether
there was any special reason why you (family member) or he did not want me to
come at this time.” The added effort, consistently made in circumstances like
these, at length will pay large dividends. Training takes time, as well as
consistent conscious effort on the part of the trainer. [page 116]
Goals In The Visitation Of The Sick
The general goal of all Christian activity is the glory of God. Visitation in general,
and making calls in particular, are no exceptions. But all too frequently the way
in which the words “the glory of God” are used is virtually meaningless, for as a
pious platitude they cover fuzzy thinking and abstract notions. Were the
impertinent question asked, “How may I glorify God?” probably nine out of ten of
those who utter the phrase so glibly could not muster anything like an adequate
answer.
How does one glorify God? More specifically, how does he glorify God in the
visitation of the sick? And, most pointedly, how does he glorify God through
making calls upon the sick? In the answers to these questions lie the goals
sought.
Glorifying God means two things that grow out of a third more basic fact. First,
glorifying God means spreading the knowledge of His glory among those who
do not know Him. This is spread by the witness of one’s life and words to His
matchless Person and to His wonderful works. Secondly, God is glorified by
doing those things which please Him. That is to say, He is glorified (whether or
not others see and hear) by obedience to His will as it is revealed in the Holy
Scriptures. Thus, glorifying God consists both of witness and obedience. Or, to
put it another way, to glorify God is to give witness to God and to others of His
majesty and honor. Lastly, and basic to both, is the verbal acknowledgement of
God as God. Thus the phrase “glorifying God” means virtually the same as
honoring or praising Him.
So then, by what short-term goals may one glorify God in the visitation of the
sick and how may he seek to enable sick members of God’s flock to do the
same? The answer simply is that God may be glorified by the pastor (1) by
adequate care that demonstrates the love of Christ to the sick member and to
the world in general; (2) by pastoral care that pleases God even if not
acknowledged or appreciated by the sick member or others. The sick member
may be helped to glorify God (1) by pastoral assistance in handling his sickness
45
in a manner pleasing to God (i.e., in a biblical way) (2) by learning to share the
implications of sickness with others. Thus the pastor visits to confront a sick
member in such a way that he (1) becomes [page 117] aware of his biblical
responsibilities to God and man in the sickness and (2) is strengthened and
encouraged in the biblical ways and means of doing so.
This concept of visitation differs in several ways from the usual concepts of
paying a call to empathize with the patient, to read the Scriptures and to offer
prayer. One of those differences lies in this: the biblical notion of visitation has a
specific focus—the pastor visits to help and to encourage the member to realize
these responsibilities. The pastor knows that every true member of Christ’s
flock, by the power of the Holy Spirit who indwells him, and by the instruction of
the Word, can do so. As a minister of that Word, whom the Holy Spirit uses as
he ministers the Word, he appears on the scene for that purpose. He is a
ministering friend, but he does not come principally as a friend. He comes as a
fellow Christian, but not even primarily as such. Rather, in his capacity as an
officer in the Church of Jesus Christ (cf. James 5: “let him send for the elders,”
not “let him send for a brother”) he comes in Christ’s name (i.e., in His full
authority) to minister His Word. That is one (perhaps the major) reason why it is
important for the sick member to initiate the visit. This request, in effect,
amounts to an act of faith and obedience in which the sick believer requests
Jesus Christ to help him through the use of the authoritative means that He
Himself ordained. It is an acknowledgment of Christ as Shepherd to request the
presence and help of His under-shepherds.
When the pastor comes in Christ’s name with the explicit purpose of helping the
sick member to face and handle the sickness and any problems that may be
connected with it biblically, he should recognize that he is entering into nothing
less than an official counseling relationship. This is not merely a social call.
What should take place in that relationship will depend upon the particular
problems and needs. If the sick member has done and is doing all of the right
things, the minister’s task will be minimal: he will offer comfort and
encouragement. If, on the other hand, there is un-confessed sin, rebellion
toward or bitterness against God, resentment toward others, or a complaining
attitude, the task may be maximal.
Whatever situation that is found must be met biblically. At times, his visit will
focus upon the need for patience (cf. Romans 8:18-28) in a world of sin and
misery. At other times, he will appear as healer (when there is need for
confession of sin that led to the sickness) [page 118]
The Use of the Scriptures
The pastor will find himself using certain passages of Scripture frequently.”
Among those used (not merely read, but explained and applied) again and
again may be the following: I Corinthians 10:13, Psalm 23, Romans 8: I8ff,
Psalm 119:50,52, 67, 71, 75, 92, Psalm 38, Psalm 77, Psalm 32 & 51, Psalm
46
107:17-22, James 5:11, 13ff, 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7, I Corinthians 11:27-34, 1

Corinthians 15:51-58, Hebrews 2:l4-l5; 4:15-16, Job 42: 10, 12, and Job 1:20-
22; 2:7-10.
The Scriptures must be used not as if they were a collection of mysterious

books that accomplish their work in magical ways—merely by being possessed
or read rather than by being understood and applied. Too often not only do
laymen use the Bible in this way, but ministers unwittingly encourage them to do
so by failing to explain the Scriptures to them It was when Jesus “opened”
(explained) the Scriptures to them that the disciples’ hearts “burned” within them
(Luke 24:32). Until then, they had failed to see how He was the subject of “all”
of the Scriptures (Luke 24:27). Like the [page 119] Good Shepherd, it is the
task of the under shepherd to “restore” the sheep by the law of the Lord (cf.
Psalm 23:3 and l9:7). Like Him, therefore, they must “open” the Word to sheep
to build hope and give strength and sustenance.
As in all good preaching, the wise counselor of the sick will seek to be concrete
rather than abstract in his explanations. He will discover that the use of good
illustrations (examples, analogies and instances) will be most helpful in making
biblical truths clear, vivid and memorable. In this he will follow the
communicative methods of the chief Shepherd, who spoke of doors and water,
of lilies and a man who fell among thieves to drive home vital truths and make
them understandable and memorable.
47
Kent Hughes, The Rehearsal and Ceremony
R Kent Hughes, “The Rehearsal and Ceremony.” In EH Peterson & C Miller,

(eds), Weddings, Funerals, & Special Events (Waco: Word Books, 1987), 57-
68.
7. The Rehearsal and Ceremony
As pastors we have the best seat in the house; we witness pointblank

the tender exchange of a loving couple’s commitment before God, their
family, and friends.
[Page 59] Almost everyone has a “wedding story” to tell, and it’s usually
slapstick. From the twenty years I have performed weddings, I have my share.
I’ve seen grooms so wobbly-kneed they had to be propped in a chair to finish

the ceremony.
On other occasions, despite my traditional caveat to the wedding party not to

lock their legs lest circulation be cut off and someone pass out, that warning
seems only to function as a “sure word of prophecy.” At one of those times, a
garden wedding, the groom’s brother crashed into the ivy during the prayer and
did not wake up until after the kiss. The next week I dramatically warned
another wedding party, using my fresh illustration. The result? The bride’s
brother passed out, also during the prayer, and actually bounced on the slate
floor, again missing the nuptial salute! The best-laid plans …
Another time the groomsmen and ushers were shorted a couple of bow ties by
their tuxedo service, which created a comical Laurel-and-Hardy foyer as they
frantically exchanged ties as their duties came up.
Weddings, because they are idealized and romanticized, provide ample

occasion for such “disasters,” which invariably [Page 60] become fond
memories as the years pass. “Remember when Uncle Joe hit the ivy?” “Yeah, it
was great!”
Yet for the most part, weddings are wonderfully uneventful, and the pastor’s
participation a pleasant remembrance. As pastors we have the best seat in the
house; we witness pointblank the tender exchange of a loving couple’s
commitment before God, their family, and friends. We see the flushed cheeks,
moist eyes, trembling hands, and the nuanced gestures of this most sacred
time. It is an immense privilege.
What are the important principles in planning and carrying out this privilege?
How do we minimize the follies and maximize the sacredness? The key is to
remember — throughout the planning, rehearsal, and the ceremony itself —
that the Christian wedding is a worship celebration. As we will see, this has
several practical implications.
48
The Planning Session
Early in the preparation stage, usually about four months before the wedding, I
invite the couple to my office to plan the ceremony, urging that both attend, if
possible. I normally schedule thirty and no more than forty-five minutes for this
time.
With coffee in hand and after we have visited a few minutes and prayed, I briefly
outline the theology of Christian marriage. I emphasize that a wedding
ceremony is a time of worship, of reverence, because in Christian marriage the
man and woman commit themselves to God as well as to each other (Rom.
12:1). I point out that while their human relationship will be showcased in the
ceremony, it is not to be a show, for worship cannot be so.
Personally, I’m glad we seem to have passed the period when each wedding
had to be a self-conscious production, with colored tuxes, bride and groom
singing to each other, and lots of pressure on everyone to perform for the
crowd. Lance Morrow, in a 1983 Time essay titled “The Hazards of Homemade
Vows,” warns against making the ceremony a [Page 61] display case for
unbridled creativity:
“Some couples remain tempted by the opportunity a wedding offers for self-
expression. It is a temptation that should be resisted. … If the bride and groom
have intimacies to whisper, there are private places for that. A wedding is public
business. That is the point of it. The couple are not merely marrying one
another. They are, at least in part, submitting themselves to the larger logics of
life, to the survival of the community, to life itself.…At the moment of their
binding, they should subsume their egos into that larger business within which
their small lyricisms become tinny and exhibitionistic.”
Also, while it is nice to have the vows memorized, generally I discourage

couples who want to recite them from memory during the ceremony. The stress
of the wedding day is enough without this added pressure. I want the couple to
relax, to enjoy the event, to worship as effectively as possible.
So I make sure the couple understands these implications of planning the

ceremony as a worship service.
But at the same time, I emphasize that worship does not mean the ceremony
has to be somber. We’re celebrating a wedding, not a funeral. I remind them
that Christ saw weddings as occasions of great joy. In fact he performed his first
miracle at a tiny wedding in Cana, changing the water to wine, a symbol of joy.
Thus the wedding is worshipful and joyful celebration — and that is what I hope
to help them achieve. Here, I always stress how honored I am to participate in
such an event.
49
Next I give them a Wedding Ceremony Planning Sheet (see end of chapter),
which outlines a typical ceremony. I explain this is simply a suggested outline —
the order is negotiable, as are the contents. If there are other elements they
prefer, they will probably be okay, if appropriate for worship.
The planning sheet, I’ve found, has a calming effect on the couple. The typical
bride and groom are intimidated by the ceremony. It seems so arcane, so
mysterious. The planning sheet immediately puts them at ease and acquaints
them with their options as to special music, hymns, and personal innovations.
[Page 62] Most couples become visibly relaxed and enthused.
From the pastor’s perspective, it provides a quick, clear explanation. Normally, it

takes no more than ten minutes to walk the couple through the planning sheet. I
figure this approach has saved me hundreds of hours over the years.
After we discuss the content, I reconfirm the times for the wedding and the
rehearsal, double-checking my own calendar and having my secretary do
likewise with the church’s master calendar. I then lay out the schedule of
events. My rule of thumb is that the sanctuary should be clear forty-five minutes
before the ceremony. For example, if a wedding is scheduled for 1 P.M., the
schedule would be:
10:45–11:15 A.M.: Party arrives and dresses.
11:15 A.M.–12:15 P.M.: Photographs.
1 P.M.: Ceremony begins.
The rehearsal is normally best held the night before, for the convenience of out-
of-town participants. My recommendation is to set it early, about 6 P.M. Because
people are notoriously late to rehearsals, I ask them to be there fifteen minutes
before we plan to begin. This means the rehearsal dinner can begin at a
reasonable time. It also means a busy pastor can get to bed at a reasonable
hour — maybe!
I also advise the couple on who should attend the rehearsal: the wedding party
(groomsmen, bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearer, and ushers), both sets of
parents, the organist, other musicians, and the vocalists.
When the schedule is agreed upon, I ask the couple to repeat it back to me.
The next item I arrange is the appointment of a wedding coordinator. A wedding

coordinator is by no means a big-church luxury; this person is essential if the
pastor is to be a good steward of time. Many smaller churches I know have a
volunteer wedding coordinator. But if such a position is not possible, it will still
be to your advantage to appoint someone to help coordinate the rehearsal and
wedding — traditionally an aunt, relative, or some friend experienced with
weddings.
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This person performs three important functions. First, she [Page 63] advises
the bride as to the church’s policies regarding music, the use of candles,
photography, the sound system, dressing rooms, and even the cleanup
expected. She can be of help in suggesting florists, caterers, dinner sites, and
the myriad other details involved in a wedding. Second, she presides at the
wedding rehearsal along with the pastor. Third, she coordinates the wedding
plans, and thus takes much of the pressure off the bride and wedding party.
Finally, I suggest to the couple that a nice way to spiritually prepare for their
wedding is to read the Psalms in reverse order as a countdown to their wedding
day. For example, if there are ninety days until the big day, read Psalm 90, then
the next day Psalm 89, and so on. My wife and I did this before our wedding,
and we enjoyed these poetic expressions of praise. Couples have told me, “It
was great to know we were both reading the same things each day.”
The session is concluded with a time of prayer — and a reminder to bring the
wedding license to the rehearsal.
The Rehearsal
Here’s the typical agenda:
Greeting. I invite everyone to the front rows of the church. I introduce myself
and briefly share my perspective that weddings are times of reverential worship
and joy and that both are my goals for the ceremony. I also give a quick
overview of the rehearsal agenda.
Prayer. I lead the wedding party in asking God’s blessing on the service,
reaffirming the purpose of the ceremony.
Introductions. I then introduce the wedding coordinator, expressing

appreciation for her work and competence. She presides over the remaining
introductions.
Instructions. The coordinator reviews several important items. She restates the
time of the wedding and the time everyone must be there, and she asks the
group to repeat it back to her. She offers reminders for dressing, telling the
men, for instance, that when they pick up their tuxedos, they should try on the
[Page 64] suit and the shirt to check the fit and should also make sure the tie,
cuff links, suspenders, and shoes are included. Groomsmen and bridesmaids
are shown their respective dressing rooms after the rehearsal. She gives advice
about posture, including the warning about locking the legs and instructions to
the men to keep their hands at their sides and smile.
Lastly, the coordinator displays her “Emergency Kit” (a carry-all bag). It contains
“everything experience has shown us people forget,” she says with a smile.
“What do you think is in here?”
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With some good-natured joking, she describes the contents: thread (selection of
colors), needles, pins, shirt buttons, thimble, pin cushion, scissors, nail file and
emery board, nail polish, hair spray, bobby and hair pins, comb, mirror, talcum
powder, tissues, breath mints, aspirin, antacid, small first-aid kit, capsules of
ammonia, static cling spray, lint clothes brush, cleaning fluid, pen, pencil, plain
envelopes, name tags (“in case you forget who you are!”), all-purpose glue,
cellophane tape, masking tape, matches, and tape measure.
Perhaps the real purpose of the Emergency Kit, however, is to assure the
nervous couple they are indeed in good hands, and they can relax and enjoy
the occasion.
We then walk through the entire ceremony. Afterwards, the bride and groom,
the maid of honor, and best man meet with me to sign most of the wedding
certificate, leaving only a couple of signatures for the next day.
The Ceremony
As pastor, I have always made it my business to be present during those forty-

five minutes before the wedding to soothe frazzled nerves and complete the
signing of the marriage documents. My role is to be calm and unflappable, to
care for the couple, reassuring them everything will go well, and remind them
their role is to enjoy this moment.
But even more, I am there to pray separately with the groomsmen and
bridesmaids, inviting God’s blessing on the [Page 65] moments to follow,
asking that he will preserve in their hearts and minds the sacred ambience of
the candlelit sanctuary, the radiant faces of well-wishing family and friends, and
the joy of love exchanged in holy commitment.
During the ceremony, my role is to remind the people, by word and bearing, that
this is a worship service. I try to guard against talking too fast or saying the
familiar words in a perfunctory manner. Wanting this to be a personal
experience, I speak directly yet conversationally to the two people in front of
me, not to the crowd behind them.
I also make creative use of silence, which we so rarely enjoy these days. For
instance, I prefer no music at all when the bride ascends the platform, so
everyone can hear the rustle of the dress.
Then the couple repeats solemn vows very similar to those said by their parents
and ancestors, thus affirming their solidarity with the past and their fidelity to the
high call of God.
I’m sometimes surprised but always delighted by how my attention to a few

details during the preparation, rehearsal, and ceremony can release the couple
from nervous tension. When I am able to move a couple’s thinking from anxious
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performance to tender worship, I feel I’ve accomplished my pastoral role.[Page

66]
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WEDDING CEREMONY PLANNING SHEET
Prelude
Time prelude begins: Time candles lighted:
Solo/special music (optional)
Seat mothers
Aisle runner (optional)
Processional
Presentation of the Bridge
Welcome/Call to Worship
Example: We are gathered here to worship God and to witness the marriage
vows of ____ and ____ (full names). Let your light so shine before people that
they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Let us worship God.
Charge
Example: ____ and ____, marriage is an honorable estate whose bond and
covenant was instituted by God in creation. Our Lord Jesus Christ adorned and
beautified this holy estate by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in
Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and
his church. And the Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all
people. Therefore, no one should enter this state of life unadvisedly, lightly, or
wantonly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God;
duly considering the causes for which matrimony was ordained.
Congregation Seated
Declaration of Intent
Example: “____, will you take ____ to be your wife, and will you be faithful to
her, love her, honor her, live with her, and cherish her, according to the
commandments of God in holy marriage?”
“____, will you take ____ to be your husband, and will you be faithful to him,
love him, honor him, live with him, and cherish him, according to the
commandments of God in holy marriage?”
Prayer
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Ascend Platform
Hymn or Special Music (may go before ascending platform)
Scriptures
Examples: Gen. 2:18–24; Eccles. 4:19–21; Matt. 5:13–16; [Page 67] John 2:1;
Eph. 5:21–33; Col. 3:12–17; I John 4:7–12; Song of Songs 8:6, 7.
Homily (7–10 minutes)
Vows
Example: “I, ____, take you ____, to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from
this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and
in health, to love and to cherish, and according to God’s holy plan, I give you my
love.”
“I, ____, take you, ____, to my wedded husband …” (as above)
Ring
“____/____, what token do you give of your love?”
“A ring.”
“____, with this ring I thee wed, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow; in
the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”
Prayer
Example: Bless, O Lord, these rings to be a symbol of the solemn vows by

which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other in holy
matrimony, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Declaration
Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.
Pronouncement
Example: Forasmuch as ____ and ____ have consented together in holy

wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this congregation, and
in so doing have given and pledged their vows to each other, and have declared
the same by the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce them man and wife
together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
Lighting of Christ or Unity Candle (optional)
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Vows of the Christian Home (optional):
Depending upon God for strength and wisdom, we pledge ourselves to the
establishment of a Christian home. Together we will constantly seek God’s will
and honor Christ in our marriage.
Prayer (kneeling)
Solo or Special Music (optional)
Kiss
Recessional
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Huron, Weddings
Rodering E Huron (comp), Christian Minister’s Manual (Cincinnati: Standard

Publishing, 1999), 93-95.
8. Weddings
One of the minister’s chief joys is to help a fine Christian couple arrange their
wedding and establish their home. Our Lord performed His first miracle at the
marriage in Cana of Galilee. Let us, as His servants, bring Christ’s living
presence into each wedding we conduct.
Several forms are included in this manual. Confer with the prospective bride
and groom and guide them in selecting that which will best express their
pledges of love and commitment. A couple may delete parts of a ceremony, or
they may choose to combine selections from several. In every case, their
ceremony should reflect the sacred covenant represented as well as satisfy the
civil requirements.
One of the minister’s first duties in a new location is to contact the local
authorities, usually in the Court House, and register with them so that he may
properly perform marriages.
In arranging the wedding, respect the bride’s wishes as far as possible. Much
contemporary music is as beautiful and appropriate as the traditional: Selected
poetry or quotations may be included with good effect.
Encourage the couple to keep their wedding simple. Money that might be better
used for setting up housekeeping can easily be spent on an extravagant
ceremony and reception. A wedding need not be lavish to be memorable.
When the bride wishes to have a visiting minister perform her wedding, courtesy
will be shown if she first discusses this with the local minister and includes him.
The two ministers can meet and make arrangements according to her wishes,
each of them taking part in the ceremony.
If a priest is to be asked, this invitation, too, is extended by the local minister,

and the priest will participate in the wedding under his direction.
Acquaint the bride with what is available from the church for her use:
candelabras? an aisle cloth? flower stands?
Who will play the organ or piano? Will there be a soloist? If the reception is to
be held in the church, what is available? Does the church have tea service? a
punch bowl? Wedding decorations? Who will serve? Is there a charge for using
the building? Will this include the reception? Organist? Custodian?
The minister may wish to meet with the couple for more than one session, not
only to discuss the wedding, but to go into other matters as well.
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Huron, Weddings
In the rare situation where the minister cannot in good conscience perform a
wedding, he should tell the couple so, and tell them why. The final decision as
to whether he should perform the wedding or not must always rest with the
minister, and in such cases he must be true to his conscience before God.
Conducting the Rehearsal
A wedding with processional, music, and several attendants requires a

complete rehearsal in order that, on the day of the ceremony, participants can
concentrate upon the sacred union taking place rather than wondering where to
stand or what to do.
Ask the bride and groom to notify all members of the wedding party concerning
the time of the rehearsal, which will require one hour at the church. If there is to
be a rehearsal dinner, the dinner should be scheduled afterward.
The rehearsal should provide one complete acting out of the wedding
ceremony, though singing may be omitted, with all matters clearly understood
by the entire company, the organist, the ushers, and the parents. A second
“walk-through” to the music, and going through the movements but not the
vows, will further enable the wedding party to carry out their responsibilities
properly.
It will also be helpful if the ushers “walk through” all of their responsibilities.
These include lighting the candles, seating the groom’s parents and bride’s
mother, unrolling the aisle cloth, then taking their places with the wedding party
to begin the procession.
Begin the rehearsal by asking the bride and groom to come forward and take
their places in front of the minister. The bride is to the minister’s right as he
faces the audience; the groom to his left. Ask the bride to place her attendants
as follows: maid of honor, matron of honor (In that order if there are both), then
the bridesmaids. Ask the groom to station his best man next to him and then the
groomsmen. Some brides like to arrange the couples according to height.
Having the bride and groom name the order of their attendants is better than
leaving this responsibility to the minister.
Position the flower girl near the maid of honor, who can direct the little girl if
need be. Likewise, position the ringbearer near the best man.
Consideration should be given to the most advantageous placement of the

wedding party within the space and design of the sanctuary. If there are steps to
a raised platform, usually the early part of the ceremony takes place on the floor
level, then, at the point where the vows are to be exchanged, the participants
move to the platform. Where steps are off to one side this may not be practical.
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Huron, Weddings
Some brides prefer to have only the wedding couple, the maid of honor and
best man, and the ringbearer and flower girl accompany the minister to the
platform.
Other brides choose to have the entire wedding party move forward into a tiered
arrangement with the outermost attendants on the first step, and the succeeding
attendants each on the next higher step until the pyramid comes together on the
platform with the wedding couple, best man and maid of honor, ringbearer and
flower girl, and the minister.
Both arrangements may be rehearsed and the bride may choose which she
prefers.
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Huron, The Ceremony / A brief Ceremony
Rodering E Huron (comp), Christian Minister’s Manual (Cincinnati: Standard

Publishing, 1999), 100-104.
9. The Ceremony
The ceremony itself may involve a variety of elements. Several of these are
listed below in the order they usually occur. You or the couple may think of
others, also.
Then build the ceremony that best suits the wishes of the bride and groom.
 Statement of Purpose
 Declaration of Consent/Intent
 The Giving of the Bride
 Exhortation to the Bride and Groom
 The Marriage Vows
 Reading of Scripture
 The Exchange of Rings
 Lighting the Unity Candle
 Prayer for the Bride and Groom
 The Pronouncement of Marriage
 The Nuptial Kiss
 Recognition of Parents
 Benediction
 Presentation of the Newlyweds
 The Recessional and Dismissal of Guests
When the ceremony is over, the bride and groom will leave first, to be followed
by the best man and maid of honor, the groomsmen and bridesmaids, and the
ring bearer and flower girl, all in pairs.
An usher returns immediately for the bride’s mother and father. A second usher
comes for the groom’s parents. Then two ushers come together and, beginning
at the front pew, dismiss the guests one row at a time.
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The Receiving Line
The order for a formal receiving line is as follows: bride’s mother, father of the
groom, mother of the groom, father of the bride, bride, groom, matron of honor,
maid of honor, and bridesmaids according to age. If guests are to be received
informally after the ceremony, this arrangement may be preferred: the bride and
groom stand together in the center of the receiving line, with the bride’s parents
next to her, the groom’s parents next to him. Bridesmaids take their places to
the bride’s left at the beginning of the receiving line, the groomsmen to the
groom’s right at the end, except for the two ushers who will be dismissing the
guests. The maid of honor will precede the bride’s parents, the best man will
stand following the groom’s parents. In the case of divorced parents, the bride
may prefer to have only her mother stand with her in the receiving line.
Pictures
Pictures may be taken and the wedding recorded without distracting from the
ceremony. The photographer should keep himself as inconspicuous as
possible. Ordinarily, no flashes are permitted during prayer. Some ministers
refuse to permit photographs during any of the ceremony.
Wedding pictures may be posed following the ceremony and greeting of the
guests. When the reception immediately follows, the couple should cut the cake
first in order that their guests may be served while these pictures are being
staged.
10. A Brief Ceremony
Statement of Purpose
Marriage is as old as the family of man. It was given by our Creator in the
Garden of Eden in the state of innocence. Moses, the great lawgiver of Israel,
first gave legal sanction, and our Lord Jesus Christ, when He was upon the
earth, gave it spiritual sanction.
Rightly regarded, marriage is the highest and happiest of human relationships,

the preserver of true love, the foundation of the home, and the strength of
society. The Scriptures teach us that marriage should “be held in honor among
all.”
If you have both duly considered this relationship upon which you are about to
enter, please indicate by joining your right hands.
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The Marriage Vows
*(__________ ___________ shall indicate the groom’s full name;

G___________ shall indicate just his first name. B_______________________
shall indicate the bride’s full name; B___________ , her first name.)
TO GROOM: G_____ *_____ , do you take this woman, whose right hand you
now hold, to be your wedded wife, and do you promise before God and these
witnesses that you will be to her a true and devoted husband; true to her in
sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in prosperity and in adversity; and
that forsaking all others you will keep yourself to her, and to her only, until God
shall separate you by death?
If so, answer “I do!’
TO BRIDE: B______ ______ , do you take this man, whose right hand you now
hold, to be your wedded husband, and do you promise before God and these
witnesses that you will be to him a true and devoted wife; true to him in sickness
and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in prosperity and in adversity; and that
forsaking all others you will keep yourself to him, and to him only, until God shall
separate you by death?
If so, answer “I do!’
The Exchange of Rings
If a ring (or rings) will be used, the minister shall say:
May this golden circle, the emblem of an untarnished eternity, be the sign and
seal of a pure and imperishable faith you have now pledged to each other.
The minister will give the ring to the groom, who will then place it upon thethird
finger of the bride’s left hand. The minister shall then continue:
The Pronouncement of Marriage
Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me as a minister of the gospel of

Christ, and in accordance with the laws of God and the sovereign State of
__________ , I now pronounce you husband and wife—one in name, one in
aim, and one, we trust, in a happy destiny. “What God has joined together, let
man not separate!”
Prayer for the Bride and Groom
Our Father, we thank You for the joy of living, and especially for the joys of love
and marriage. You have loved us, and You have made us so that we can love
and be loved in return.
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Thank You that we need not walk the road alone, but that You provide someone
to share our dreams and comfort us in our sorrows
Father bless these Your children today as they begin their lives together as
husband and wife. Preserve and protect this love they have expressed. May
they know happiness and fulfillment; may they experience contentment and
peace. As they come to know each other better, may they also learn to know
You, so that their home becomes a beacon to others of that life and joy which
are eternal. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
—adapted, Everett D. Murch
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11. Weddings
One of the blessed times of the ministry is the performing of wedding

ceremonies. Weddings are happy occasions. A wedding is not a private,
personal affair, no matter how quietly it may be performed. Many lives are
involved--the two who are being united in a lifelong relationship, their families,
children who may be born to the union, the state and society. You as the
minister performing the ceremony must remember that you represent the
church; therefore you must be sure the conditions are met for Christian approval
of the matrimonial bonds.
The minister needs to have some definite convictions about scriptural teaching
on who is eligible to have him perform a ceremony. First, the minister is under
no obligation to marry every couple that comes to him with a marriage license.
The license simply authorizes him to perform the ceremony if he is willing. It is a
good idea not to marry those who are total strangers to him. It would be well to
set a rule from the very start and then stick to it, not to marry any couple until
they have been counseled with. Premarital counseling will enable the minister to
know exactly where the couple stands. The minister can question the couple
very carefully at the first contact and then make a decision as to whether or not
he can perform the ceremony. Some ministers will not perform a ceremony
where the following conditions exist.
1. One is saved and the other unsaved (2 Cor. 6:14)
2. Both are unsaved
3. Either or both have been divorced, regardless of when the divorce took
place. The only Bible ground for divorce is unfaithfulness (Matt.19:9).
You must form your own conviction on this. I have had to come to the
realization that, if a person has the Bible ground for divorce, he has a
right to remarry. This does not mean that I will marry a couple where
divorce is involved, even though they may have a right to remarry. A man
under God must act as he is led. I have also found that people will not all
tell you the truth all of the time. Some have claimed Bible grounds when
they did not have Bible grounds. Also, if the divorced person’s mate is
still unmarried you should be very careful about performing the ceremony
and thus close the door of reconciliation. My own convictions now are
that I will not marry anyone where divorced is involved. However, I do not
make this rule or even advocate it for anyone else. Each person must
come to his own convictions and act accordingly. (For a thorough
discussion of divorce and remarriage, see Divorce, by John Murray,
Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Co.; and Divorce and Remarriage
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by Guy Duty, Bethany Fellowship.) It is very rare that only one person is
entirely at fault in a marriage break-up.
4. The couple will not agree to be counseled with. During counseling

several things should be gone over carefully. Take sufficient time that
you feel satisfied about the matter. Under no circumstances should you
proceed with the wedding until you feel that the parties are ready. If they
refuse to wait and rush instead to get married by someone else, don’t
lose sleep over it. You did your best to help them get started off on the
right foot. A pastor ought to be very careful about marrying couples. He
ought to have some basic guidelines to go by. There should, I feel, be
certain standards that couples desiring marriage should measure up to. I
would suggest that the pastor should come to a conclusion as to:
The maturity or immaturity of the couple, one or both. The reasons for the
marriage. Are the reasons of low motivation? frivolous? because of pressure?
What indications are there that they will fulfill their marriage vows? What about
physical, mental, emotional handicaps which might endanger their marriage? I
would say that at least four counseling sessions of one hour each should be
held before a wedding. This is the requirement that I make. (A good book to use
is Premarital Counseling, by H. Norman Wright, Moody Press.) Even though the
couple come for the counseling sessions, this does not mean that I will perform
the ceremony or allow the wedding to take place in the church where I am
pastor. Things may be brought to light during the sessions that will cause me to
decide against marriage. If I would not perform the ceremony then I certainly
should not allow it to be held in the church.
The Wedding Rehearsal
1. The rehearsal should be conducted a night or two before the wedding.

The pastor should always be in charge of the rehearsal. No matter what
the other arrangements may be, the pastor should always be in charge.
Although the pastor may seek help or advice from others, he should
always direct the rehearsal.
2. Insist that every member of the wedding party be present. To have a

beautiful wedding there must be a rehearsal; for someone to be absent
because he “doesn’t think his part is that important” is inexcusable. If
they do not come to rehearsal neither should they be in the wedding.
3. Instruct them how to dress for the rehearsal. The couple may have:
unsaved friends who will come dressed inappropriately for a wedding in
a. church building.
4. Explain that there must be no smoking or drinking in the church building.
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5. If they desire to use the church facilities for the reception, there must be
a clear understanding:
a. Again, no smoking or drinking and no horseplay.
b. Suggest that they make arrangements with the church janitor to

set up the room and clean up afterwards, and to pay him for his;
extra work.
The Rehearsal Proper
1. With the whole party together, the pastor should lead in prayer, asking
God’s blessing on the rehearsal and each one in it and that the wedding
will be spiritual, beautiful and impressive.
2. After prayer, it is good to place the party exactly as they will assemble in
the ceremony. Take time for this, until you and the bridegroom are
satisfied that you have the best position for the entire party. It is much
easier to go through the rehearsal if each one knows where he is going.
Rehearse until everyone knows what he is doing.
The Wedding
1. The pastor should arrive early enough to make sure that everything is in
proper order.
2. The groom and best man should meet the pastor at least fifteen to thirty
minutes before the ceremony.
3. The bride should arrive in plenty of time so she will not have to rush any
preparations for the wedding.
4. The ushers should start seating the people as soon as they arrive.
5. The wedding proper begins with the seating of the groom’s parents. The
usher will extend his arm to the mother, and the father will follow.
6. The next seating is the bride’s mother. The usher who has been seating
the bride’s friends now extends his arm to the bride’s mother and escorts
her to the seat.
7. If there are songs, now is the time for the first song to be sung.
8. After the song (or songs) the pastor enters. He goes to the front of the
altar and stands facing the people.
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9. After the pastor has reached his position the groom enters, followed by
the best man. He and the best man take their places facing the rear of
the auditorium.
10. The bridesmaids enter. They come one after the other until all are in their
places.
11. The maid of honor enters. She takes her place at the altar opposite the
best man.
12. The bride enters. I usually have the bride enter on the left arm of her
father. When they reach the altar and are standing in a semicircle in the
front of the pastor, the father stands between the bride and groom.
13. This is the time for another appropriate wedding song. All except the
pastor should look at the soloist.
14. The wedding ceremony itself. There are many ceremonies in print. Most
pastors usually work out their own. The following is the one that I use.
This one can be used as is. if you so desire. You do not have to ask
permission from me. It has been worked out over a period of several
years and I am now satisfied with it. Use it as is or change it any way to
fit our needs. My desire is to be helpful.
The Ceremony
We are gathered here to participate in and to view the uniting of two people in
the bonds of holy matrimony. The home is a very important institution. Before
there was a school, a church or a government, God instituted a home. In
bringing the home into being, God declared that “marriage is honorable in all”
(Heb. 13:4). “It is no, good that man should live alone. Holy and happy is the
sacred hour when two devoted hearts are bound by the enchanting ties of
matrimony. It is a joyous occasion. Jesus, our Master and Lord, was so greatly
interested in mankind that He attended the marriage in Cana of Galilee. It was
there that He did His first wonderful work, to the joy and amazement of the
guests. Our heavenly Father has ordained marriage as the cornerstone of
family life and the guarantee of honorable human society. Happy and joyous is
the time when a man and a woman, giving evidence of purity of heart and
contentment of mind, enter the wedding ceremony clad in the comely robes of
reverence, humility and faith.
Marriage is a sacred and solemn occasion. “Therefore shall a man leave his
father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the twain shall be one flesh.
Because marriage is honorable and joyous and yet a sacred occasion, it should
be entered into thoughtfully, advisedly, and discreetly. Let us therefore, hear
some words from God’s holy Book regarding marriage. Matthew 19:4-6: “And
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answered and said unto them, have ye not read that he which made them at the
beginning made them male and female, and said, for this cause shall a man
leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be
one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore
God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.”
Paul, in Ephesians 5:22-28, wrote these words: “Wives, submit yourselves unto
your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife
even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body.
Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify it and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the work, that he might present it to himself a glorious
church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy
and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He
that loveth his wife loveth himself”.
Now I am going to ask you to promise that you will accept the Bible standard for
your marriage, and that you will set out to build a Christian home.
(Now look at the man and ask) _____________do you so promise?
(When the man says, I do, look at the woman and ask) _____________do you
so promise?
(In each case call the man’s name and the woman’s name)
Let us now pray that God’s blessing will be upon your home which you are
going to establish and upon both of you as you pledge your troth before this
company. Let us pray.
(Now the pastor may ask) Who giveth this woman in holy wedlock? The father
answers: “Her mother and I.” (He now steps back and places the bride’s right
arm in the left arm of the groom--thus signifying his giving his daughter to the
man)
(Now the pastor may say)
These two persons come now to be joined together in the bonds of holy
matrimony. If any person present can show cause why they should not be
lawfully joined together, let him speak now or else forever after hold his peace.
(Speaking to the couple, the pastor says) I solemnly require and charge you
both as you hope for joy and peace in the marriage state, if either of you know
any just cause why you may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony, you
do now confess it.
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It is your will, then, that we proceed. Having been assured that no moral, legal,
or religious barrier hinders this union, I am going to ask you to give careful
attention to the questions now asked you.
Do you, ________ take _______to be your lawful wedded wife?
Groom: I do.
Pastor: Do you covenant to love her, honor her, cherish her, and comfort her?
Taking her for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse; in sickness and in health;
will you keep her in every experience through which God shall lead you, and
forsaking all others, cleave to her alone till death do you part?
Groom: I do.
(Pastor now turning to the Bride)
Do you take _____to be your lawful wedded husband?
Bride: I do.
Pastor: Do you covenant to love him, honor him, cherish him, and comfort him?
Taking him for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health;
will you obey him in ever experience through which God shall lead you, and
forsaking all others, cleave to him alone till death do you part?
Bride: I do.
(Now have them join right hands and the groom repeats after the pastor)
(bride’s name) I love you. And believing that you are God’s gift to me, I take you
to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forth, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish even until death. With a deep
sense of thankfulness to God, I promise to be true and I now accept my new
role as your husband, as long as we both shall live.
(Now turning to the bride)
(Groom’s name) I love you. And believing that you are God’s gift to me, I take
you to be my wedded husband, to hold from this day forth, for better, for worse,
for richer for poorer in sickness and in health to love and to cherish, even until
death. With a deep sense of thankfulness to God I will be submissive and obey
you accepting my new role as your wife, as long as we both shall live.
(The pastor now asks for the ring or rings by asking)
What token of sincerity have you?
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(Holding the ring or rings, the pastor may say)
This ring, (or these rings) is (are) a symbol (symbols) of completeness and an
emblem (emblems) of eternity. It is composed of metal that has been tested and
proved true. It is a fitting emblem of your love for each other and your faith in
each other. The circle, the emblem of eternity, and gold, the type of what is
least tarnished and most enduring--show how lasting and imperishable the faith
now mutually pledged.
As the union now formed is to be sundered only by death it becomes you to

consider the duties you solemnly assume. If these be remembered and faithfully
discharged, they will add to the happiness of this life lightening by doubling all
its blessedness. But if these obligations be neglected and violated, you cannot
escape the keenest misery, as well as the darkest guilt.
It is the duty of the husband to provide for the support of his wife, to shelter her
from danger, and to cherish for her a manly and invariable affection, it being the
command of God’s Word that husbands love their wives even as Christ loved
the church, and gave His own life for her.
It is the duty of the wife to reverence and obey her husband, and to put on the
ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is, in God’s sight, an ornament of
great price, His Word commanding that wives be subject unto their own
husbands, even as the church is subject to Christ.
It is the duty of both to delight in the society of each other, to remember that, in
interest and in reputation as in affection, they are to be henceforth one and
undivided; to preserve a durable fidelity, and to see to it that what God has
joined thus together, man never puts asunder.
(Speaking to the bride.) Do you in evidence of your love and sincerity accept
this ring, as a ceaseless reminder of this hour and the vows you have just
made, and as a token of your love for (man’s name)?
Bride: I do.
(Pastor now gives the ring to the groom, and instructs him to place it on the
finger of the bride and repeat)
With this ring, I pledge my love to you, and receive you as my loving wife. With
this ring I promise to be true to you, in the name of the Father and of the Son,
and of the Holy Ghost.
(Pastor now holds up the groom’s ring and asks the groom). Do you in evidence
of your sincerity accept this ring, as a ceaseless reminder of this hour, and of
the vows you have made, and as a token of your love for (bride’s name)?
Groom: I do.
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(Pastor now instructs the bride to place the ring on ring finger of the groom and,
holding it in place, repeat after, the pastor)
With this ring, I pledge my love to you and receive you as my loving husband.
With this ring I promise to be true to you in the name of the Father, and of the
Son and of the Holy Ghost. (After the ring ceremony, the pastor asks the couple
to rejoin their right hands, and asks them to repeat the following to each other)
“Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge, thy people
shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, I will die, and there
will I be buried; the Lord to so to me, and more also, lf ought but death part thee
and me.
(The pastor now speaking to both says the following:)
As you have mutually assumed the wedding covenant, having pledged our faith
in and love to each other, and having sealed marital vows by giving and
receiving the ring (or rings), acting in the authority given by me by the laws of
this state and looking to heaven for divine sanction. I now pronounce you
husband and wife, in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost
and in the presence of these assembled witnesses.
Mr. and Mrs. __________________________________________
Those whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder. May the Lord
bless thee and keep thee. May the Lord make his face to shine upon thee and
be gracious unto thee. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee and give
thee peace. Amen.
The pastor should then close with prayer asking God’s blessings upon the
couple.
The groom now kisses the bride. If there is some hesitance, the pastor may say,
“You may kiss your bride.” Then both turn and face the congregation and the
pastor says in a good loud voice:
May I be the first to present: Mr. and Mrs. ___________________________

(the full name).
As soon as the pastor says that, the organist starts the recessional, and the
wedding party marches out.
The pastor stays at the front until all the wedding party is out, and then he
dismisses the congregation.
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The Pictures
The pastor and all who participate in the wedding ceremony should work to
make it as sweet and memorable occasion as possible. For that reason no
pictures should be taken during the ceremony. Pictures can and should be
taken before the ceremony—of the groom and his party and of the bride and her
attendants. Once the wedding party has reached the altar— the photographer
should be seated and no more pictures be taken by anyone to detract from the
impressiveness of the occasion.
After the ceremony, pictures should be taken freely. Take pictures of all who
form part of the reception, of the cake—cutting ceremony. etc. If at all possible,
a recording should be made of the ceremony. This should be given to the newly
married couple.
The copy of the ceremony used by the pastor could be given to the couple.
Everything possible should be done to make this a memorable occasion.
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12. Funerals
Death is a reality. Few services which fall to the duty of the pastor to conduct
will so endear him to his people as the funeral services, especially if they are
conducted in a dignified, appropriate and comforting manner. Here the pastor
should study and seek to comfort those that weep and mourn, as His Master
did. Most people turn intuitively to the church and the pastor in the crisis of
death.
All kinds and all ages of people meet death. The pastor must learn to adapt
himself to all conditions and circumstances and to do and say that which is
appropriate. Sometimes death is expected; at other times it is sudden and
unexpected. Whatever the case, the family is never prepared. The pastor is
available to the family to serve them in any way humanly possible. Customs and
procedures vary in different parts of the country. The man of God at this time
must be all things to all men and do his best to ably represent his Lord and
Master. In this chapter I shall draw from my own experience and that of others
to help the pastor at this difficult time.
I well remember my first funeral service. I had just moved into the community as
pastor. There was a terrible auto accident in which four people in a family were
killed instantly. A young pastor, just moved on the field, faced his first funeral
with four caskets at one time. I had attended funerals but hadn’t paid attention
to any details. I searched the Bible for a funeral message by the Lord Jesus but
could not find a single occasion. He had broken up every funeral He
encountered and had even brought one man back to life after the funeral was
over. An older Methodist, a pastor in the area, was of great help to me. I went to
him and he gave me some good advice. I don’t know what I would have done
without him; he was a godsend to a scared young pastor.
You have gotten word that someone in the church or close to someone in the
church has passed away—what do you do?
1. Go to the Family’s Home
Go immediately to the home and first offer your sympathy and express your
concern. You should not go to the home of members of other churches in the
community until after you are sure that funeral arrangements have been made.
If the bereaved do not attend any church, you have a right to go and offer to
help in any way that you can.
You may find bereaved people in all sorts of conditions: some will weep
uncontrollably, some will be in a state of shock, and others will not seem to be
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too upset. There is not a pat way to handle any situation. You will have to rely
on the Lord to lead you, and whatever you can do to help and comfort. Where
the person who passed away was a Christian with a good testimony, you can
mention that fact and assure one and all that “we know he went to be with the
Lord.” However, if the person was lost you must not comment in any way at this
time about his eternal abode. Do not in any way try to raise false hopes about
his going to heaven. It is not your business but God’s business where he is
now.
Offer your services to the family. Find out, if you do not already know, who is
the nearest relative to the deceased and go to that one. Always have prayer
with the bereaved family. However, you should ask for permission. Say
something like: I would like to have a word of prayer and ask God to comfort our
hearts, if there is no objection.” I have never been refused or had anyone
object. People are subdued at such a time and their hearts are reaching out for
any comfort they can get. Always, in every church I have pastored. I have made
it a point to have the church help with meals for the family. Also all the churches
have sent flowers if the deceased was a church member or a member of the
immediate family of church members, as a son or daughter, father or mother,
brother or sister.
2. The Funeral Service
Here again customs vary. In some parts of the country, the funeral service is
almost always held in the church. In other parts of the country, it is rarely in the
church and almost always at the funeral home. The place of the service will
depend largely on the attitude of the funeral director. Some don’t want to go to
the trouble of moving the body to the church and will do their best to talk the
family into having it at the funeral home. However, I always encourage the
family to have a church member’s funeral at the church. The undertaker will do
it if the family requests it. It is a good testimony for a church member for the Iast
services to be in the church. This is a good opportunity to present the gospel to
the lost. It is not the pastor’s business to determine where the departed has
gone but it is his business to do all he can to make sure the living are prepared
for heaven. However, if the departed was a Christian his testimony can be used
at this time to bring comfort to the sorrowing, and also as an example of being
ready when it is time to go.
A. The order of service must also vary somewhat with the customs of the area
but it has been by practice to have the following order of service:
1. Song - either vocal or instrumental
2. Obituary (if custom requires it); Scripture and prayer by the pastor
3. Song - either vocal or instrumental
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4. Message by the pastor
5. Invitation
Sometimes certain songs are requested by the family; these requests should be
honored if at all possible. Be careful about anyone else selecting the songs.
Some folks have no sense of what is appropriate. Songs such as “I Dreamed I
Searched Heaven for You” should never be sung at funerals. Personally, I
prefer songs such as “Does Jesus Care?” and “What a Friend We Have in
Jesus.” Never allow someone to sing “Beautiful Isle of Somewhere” unless the
family requests it. It seems to me to make heaven uncertain.
In some areas the complete reading of the obituary is standard. When this is
true I always do it. Unless I knew the deceased person well and he left a good
testimony, I make a simple statement such as: “Today we have come to pay our
last respects to Mr. John Doe or Mrs. Mary Doe (as the case may be). He (she)
is in the hands of a just God who never makes a mistake. This life has been
lived. Nothing can be changed now. My message today is for those who are
living.”
Scriptures selected for reading should be appropriate. Select passages having

to do with God’s comfort, strength and promise to help. I almost always read
Psalm 23, Psalm 91, and passages from the New Testament. We should seek
to read passages that will comfort the grieving.
The prayer should be brief and specifically for the grieving. No good can be
done praying for the deceased, but the living need strength and comfort. It is
usually best to make the funeral message brief. It should be appropriate.
Sometimes it could and perhaps should contain a eulogy, especially if the
person was a good Christian and well-known. Be sure to avoid any unkind and
unwise remarks.
The average funeral message ought not be over twenty minutes in length. If the
message is well prepared and sincerely given you can pack a lot of comfort and
do a great deal of good in that length of time.
An invitation should be given. This has been my custom in every funeral I have
conducted. There have been a number of people saved at funerals. Of course I
do not give the same kind of invitation as I would give in a revival meeting. It
has been my custom at the close of the message to ask the people to bow their
heads. Then I will say: “Now it is very possible that some attending this service
today have never accepted Christ as Saviour. While our heads are bowed
would you pray this simple prayer: God be merciful to me a sinner and save me
for Jesus’ sake, Amen. If you sincerely prayed that prayer and believe that
Jesus has now saved you, will you raise your hand that I might rejoice with you
and pray for you.” I then close with prayer. Here again custom varies. With
some, this is the signal for the undertaker to come forward and take over. At
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other times the undertaker will ask you to say: “The services will be concluded
at the cemetery.”
The pastor will then step to the head of the casket. If people come by to view
the body he should stand there until they are finished. If the family comes up, he
should step over beside them and speak words of comfort. Sometimes he might
not say anything; just a pat on the back or a touch on the elbow helps.
The pastor always precedes the pallbearers and the casket as they go out to
the hearse. When he reaches the hearse he steps to one side and stands by
the door as the casket is loaded.
Sometimes the funeral director will provide a car for the pastor to ride in to the
cemetery, or he may ride in the hearse or drive his own car. In any case, the
funeral director will place him.
At the gravesite, the pastor again leads the way from the hearse to the grave.
Upon reaching the grave he steps to one side while the casket is placed and the
family is seated. The pastor’s position is always at the head of the grave.
The concluding services at the grave should be simple. Most places no longer
use “Dust to dust and ashes to ashes.” I usually read a passage of Scripture
having to do with the coming of Christ and the resurrection, reminding the
people that the body will rise again. Then I conclude with prayer. The pastor
then steps over and speaks a word to the nearest of kin. Just a word to let them
know the pastor’s concern and prayer is all that is necessary. The pastor should
always be appropriate in dress, in word and in manner. This is no time to spring
a surprise or be loud or boisterous.
One of the hardest times for the family is after it is all over. Visit the family that
afternoon or evening. Visit again a few days later, after all the relatives are
gone. If there are unsaved members in the family, this follow-up visit may
provide just the opportunity to win them to Christ. This is especially true if the
deceased was a Christian.
3. The Pastor Ministering to the Bereaved
It has often been said that the deceased has already preached his funeral.
However, I have never heard of a minister who followed this statement by
saying: “Therefore you are dismissed and now we will go to the cemetery.”
What makes a funeral Christian? What is the answer to the question? Is it the
deceased? Is it the family? The answer to both questions is no. The minister is
responsible to make the funeral a Christian service. He may preside as a pagan
over a pagan service. He should not and must not if he is true to his high
calling.
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The church must speak in the face of death; if it does not, then death is stronger
than the church. Also, this would be a denial of the claim of the Lord Jesus,
“The gates of (death)and hell shall not prevail against it.” We must answer the
heart cry of humanity, “Where is there any victory in the grave?” We answer, “In
immortality,” and wait not for someone else to answer: “But thanks be to God,
which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:54-57).
As Christian ministers we must not allow the sin of paganism of the dead or
living to prevent us from making every funeral a Christian funeral. We must not
sanctify the sinner nor canonize the saints, but we should present the Christian
message as a servant of the Lord at the time of death. We are to meet death
with Him who “hath abolished death, and hath brought life and immortality to
light through the gospel” (2 Tim. 1:10).
4. Some Don’ts at a Funeral
1. Don’t be long: - thirty to forty-five minutes for the whole service, including
the music.
2. Don’t try to impress people. Sometimes some very important people will
attend a funeral service. Remember the most important people there for
you to minister to are the bereaved. You are there to help them, not to
impress them.
3. Don’t say too much. The funeral service is no time to philosophize about
the will of God.
4. Don’t say what is not true: i.e., “I know how you feel,” if you really don’t.
5. Don’t make the funeral sad. It does not take skill to cause tears to fall by
reminiscing. It is neither poetic nor original to tell about the vacant chair
at the table or the missing spoke from the wheel.
6. Don’t say all that is true, but let everything you do say be true.
7. Don’t argue for immortality and the resurrection. Your unshaken faith and
assurance will be the best witness to them at this time.
8. Don’t pronounce judgment. It is doubtful that this is justified even if you

are “not a judge but a fruit inspector.” I heard a preacher in a funeral
message say, “If he could come back from hell, he would tell you to get
ready.”
9. Don’t speak in a sugary, unreal voice.
10. Don’t try to cure bereavement; treat it. It cannot be cured in a day or at
the funeral service.
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5. Some Facts to Keep in Mind
1. People sense hope or despair in the mood of the minister.
2. People sense whether we care or are merely performing a duty. Don’t

just act like you care; really care.
3. A pastor’s ministry both precedes and follows the funeral.
4. The bereaved need the sustaining grace of God.
5. The bereaved need grace and power to rebuild. An inner structure has
been destroyed.
6. The bereaved should be aware of the “blessed hope.”
7. This may be the first or most dynamic experience some have had with
death.
8. Death does not mean the same to all the bereaved.
9. The bereaved must face the reality of what has taken place. Help them to
face it.
10. Death is not a defeat but a promotion for the Christian.
6. What the Minister Should Do When Death Occurs
1. Call by telephone to locate the bereaved family and tell of your plan to
visit.
2. Make the call in the home. Talk about funeral arrangements if you are
the family’s pastor. If you are not the pastor, offer your sympathy and
prayers.
3. Talk to the family about the funeral service--song requests, etc.
4. Visit the funeral home or the home the night visitors are received.
5. Preach the funeral service; conduct gravesite services.
6. Call in the home soon after the funeral.
7. Write several members of the family.
8. Inquire of their progress as you meet them at church and other places.
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9. If family and funeral are out of town, call by telephone; send a telegram
in some cases.
10. Make clear statements about funeral arrangements; assure them that
you will take whatever part they want you to. Assure the family that they
are free to choose a friend to conduct the funeral. Do not make
suggestions about viewing the body unless asked. Do not comment
unless they ask your advice about how much to spend on the funeral. If
the deceased is a Christian, offer the church to have the funeral in. I
personally feel a Christian’s funeral should be conducted from the
church. The minister should never make any charge for conducting
funeral services, though often a family will send a check. Never make
comments about bad weather.
The sorrow following death often strikes hardest during the lonely days after the
funeral. The thoughtful, concerned pastor will make arrangements in his
schedule to call on the bereaved person and family during the weeks
immediately after the loss of the loved one. During these visits he will seek to
comfort and counsel.
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Ratz, Funeral and Graveside Services
Calvin Ratz, “Funerals and Graveside Services.” In EH Peterson & C Miller,

106.
13. Funeral and Graveside Services
At a wedding, I may feel like a necessary accessory along with the

flowers, rented tuxedos, and candles, but at a funeral, I sense people
sincerely look to me for help. People are more open and responsive,
appreciative of help given — more than at any other time.
[Page 95] I love funerals. Not that I enjoy death, it’s just that I agree with
Solomon, who said, “It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the
house of feasting” (Eccles. 7:2). After talking and praying with the bereaved, I
go home feeling I’ve made a difference; I’ve touched people at the point of their
deepest need.
Burying the dead is part of pastoral turf. How we handle it goes a long way in
determining our acceptance in a community and the depth of our spiritual
impact on a congregation. Any strengths I muster can lose their power if I can’t
help people who are bereaved.
A well-handled funeral can be the best opportunity for genuine public relations a
church and its pastor can have. It doesn’t lead to instant church growth, but it
breaks down barriers and builds an attitude of respect and appreciation. It’s a
positive point of contact with people who have drifted away from the church.
Whenever I’ve gone to a new congregation, I realize my first funeral is a chance

to let the people see a side of me not obvious from the pulpit. Parishioners are
initially skeptical about a new leader. They’re wondering what the new pastor
[Page 96] will be like and how much they can trust him. When they see me
conduct a funeral service, people notice whether I care about them as
individuals, even in their darkest moments.
Exciting and Exacting
These pastoral responsibilities are both exciting and exacting.
I consider them exciting because they provide opportunities to get close to

people. At a wedding, I may feel like a necessary accessory along with the
flowers, rented tuxedos, and candles, but at a funeral, people sincerely look to
me for help. People are more open and responsive, more appreciative of help
given during bereavement than at any other time.
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Funerals are exciting, too, because of the opportunity to present the gospel to
people who otherwise would not hear it. Seldom is there a funeral service
without some non-Christians present.
Funerals are exciting because we possess a legitimate reason for hope and
comfort. Many aspects of life and faith escape my grasp, but when I come to the
graveside, I know I’m on solid ground. The Bible gives a sure hope. I don’t need
to waffle with sentimental clichés. I can speak with confidence to each member
of the family.
But a funeral service is also exacting. I bury a person only once, and there’s
little forgiveness if I blow it. My pet fear is that when I do the committal service
I’ll forget the name or say the wrong name.
It’s exacting because of the time constraints. Funerals usually come with little
advance notice and, for some unknown reason, often during a busy time in the
church calendar. There’s scant time to prepare. Though funerals demand a
certain precision, the time to make everything right is limited.
It’s exacting because the congregation is often unfamiliar. Usually non-

Christians dot the pews, and often relatives attend who are unfamiliar with our
church. They don’t know me, and I don’t know them. I have to feel my way
through, sensing the mood of the mostly alien congregation. [Page 97]
It’s exacting because of the variety of emotions present. Fear, grief, cynicism,
guilt, joy, anger, and relief are all present in a mix of helplessness and hope.
I’ve discovered it’s not always possible to anticipate how family and friends will
respond during a service. Some who appear to have the strongest faith and
greatest depth of character struggle most with death.
The Pastor’s Role
I was surprised to find that nowhere in the Bible does it tell pastors to bury the
dead. Yet when I was ordained to the Christian ministry, part of the charge
given was to “bury the dead.” The church and its leaders have quite properly
accepted this responsibility and privilege.
Why don’t we let professional funeral directors care for the dead? Why do we
not only get involved but take a leading part in the events surrounding death?
When someone dies, what can we do that no one else can do?
As a pastor, I have a unique perspective. I’m a friend, but I’m also in a position
of authority. I’m close enough to “weep with those who weep” but removed
enough to bring objective truth.
Schooled in the details of death, a funeral director is helpful because he knows

the right ways to embalm, arrange flowers, and approach the grave. A pastor’s
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job goes beyond getting the dead body into the ground with decorum. I offer
both faith and friendship to the living — those grieving people looking for help.
They need someone calm to hold their hands; someone who can offer them
hope, not sentiment; someone close enough to feel some of the pain. As a
pastor, this is my role.
For this role, I need a realistic view of life and death. I’ve learned to accept the
inevitability of death. I am going to die; it’s only a question of when. Further, I
accept the temporary nature of all present relationships. I can’t try to hang on to
what God says won’t last.
In addition, as a Christian, death is not something to be [Page 98] feared but

rather to be anticipated. Paul made this very clear. He told the Corinthians,
“Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in
the body, we are away from the Lord.…We are confident, I say, and would
prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Cor. 5:6–8). He
also said, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).
Since I’m not afraid to die, I can use death as an opportunity to share the gospel
with the living, teaching the brevity of life, the importance of preparing for our
own inevitable deaths, and the good news that God will comfort those who
sorrow.
What do I want to accomplish when there’s a death? I approach funerals with

three basic objectives. First, I want to get the surviving family through the days
surrounding the funeral. Second, I want to get the dead person appropriately
buried (or cremated). Third, I want to get the gathered family and friends to think
about life, death, and meeting God.
Pulling the Family Through
My involvement usually starts with the phone call that brings the announcement
of death. I visit the family as soon as I can. At death, more than a person dies; a
network of relationships ceases. So there’s shock, disbelief, guilt, resentment,
and a whole range of other emotional responses of those close by. My first
priority is to hold their hands, let them cry, and give them support in a variety of
ways.
Seldom do I start any funeral arrangements during this initial visit. If the
deceased has just passed away, there’s too much shock. It’s too harsh to talk of
caskets and burial plots in those first few minutes. I let them know that tomorrow
is soon enough for those decisions, and I’ll be back to help them then.
On my second visit, I try to build a consensus of what should take place at the
funeral service. I prefer to have as many of the family members present for this
as possible. I determine who is in charge and who is going to make the major
decisions. Sometimes that isn’t clear. I want to establish [Page 99] not only who
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has the right, but who, emotionally or through force of personality, is going to
make the arrangements. At times conflict or disagreement within the family
places me in a crossfire.
On one occasion, the widow, who had the right to make the decisions, was out
of town, and I had to finalize arrangements for the service. By telephone she
specifically told me what she wanted, but the sister of the man who had died
came into my office and told me the widow’s arrangements were inappropriate. I
was caught between the strong feelings of the wife and those of the sister. It
was impossible to come out a winner.
If there’s a question about the decisions, I’ll sometimes say to those gathered,
“Now I know we are all involved and want to do what’s right, but I understand
Peter is in charge of making the arrangements. Peter, what do you think we
should do?”
During this time, I observe how the family is coping with death. I try to
distinguish between hysteria and grief, between legitimate sorrow and hopeless
despair, trying to anticipate those who’ll have emotional difficulty during the
funeral. I watch nonverbal communication. Who’s afraid to look at my face?
Who walks out of the room when we talk about the service? This helps me
avoid problems later on.
I pay particular attention to family photos and artifacts in the home. Asking
questions about family photos is an indirect way of gathering useful information
from families that aren’t well-known. These clues help me personalize the
service and counsel the family afterward. I jot them on a card either in the home
or as soon as I get to my car.
For the service, I try to honor personal requests — a favorite hymn or passage
of Scripture. I gather the obituary information or have one of the family write it
up for me. Prior to the service, I verify the accuracy of my information and the
pronunciation of names with someone in the family.
Primarily, however, I want to explain to the family the sequence of events and
how they will likely feel during the service. I talk about the value of tears.
Walking the family [Page 100] through the service in advance sets them at
ease and enables me to accomplish more when the service actually happens. I
let the family know that I will meet them before the service for a final word of
prayer prior to entering the sanctuary.
I realize that at this moment, I’m in a position of great power and tremendous
trust. I carry a spiritual authority that normally I am not given. The family is
looking for help. They hang onto my words. I also realize I’m told things in the
time of bereavement that are strictly confidential. People say things out of guilt
or grief that should never be repeated. I’m careful to observe confidentiality.
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I conclude this second visit with a strong but brief statement about the biblical
perspective of death. I’m careful not to minimize grief, and may even point out
how some Bible characters expressed their sorrow at the death of a loved one,
but I do want to give a message of assurance and confidence. I sometimes read
a portion of Scripture. I then pray with the family, thanking God for the memory
of one who was loved, and asking God to sustain and comfort the family.
Burying the Dead
The dominant theme of a funeral service has to be that Jesus Christ is alive.
Christ’s death and resurrection supply meaning to our deaths. His resurrection
provides a stream of grace that enables us to cope with grief. This message
must be heard above all the emotion and tradition surrounding a funeral service.
I want the funeral service to help people get their eyes off themselves and their
circumstances and onto God, who in his great wisdom and love has everything
under control. Due respect and tribute need to be given to the deceased, but I
want the service to witness to God’s provision of life through Jesus Christ, who
brings a whole new dimension to living.
I want people to feel I’ve prepared this service just for them. I’ve attended some
services where the name of the deceased was not even mentioned. It’s obvious
the words had all been [Page 101] said before for someone else. I definitely
want those grieving to know I share their sorrow and genuinely want to help.
At some time during the service, I speak directly to the key members of the
grieving family by name: “Mary, you’ve been through a lot. This has been a
great shock. You had a wonderful husband. I want you to know God will help
you in the days ahead. My prayers are with you.” Of course, this is what we’re
trying to do with the whole service, but I find saying the person’s name gives the
message impact.
At times I ask someone capable of public speaking to make remarks about the
life of the deceased. This is particularly helpful for those situations where I
haven’t known the person. When I know the person well, I try to go beyond
giving the essential facts by recalling positive experiences. For example: “I
remember visiting Dorothy both at her home and in the hospital. Though she
knew she had cancer, she never seemed to doubt her faith or feel regret. She
had strong courage even though she was aware of what was happening. She
spoke only of her concern for her children.”
There’s even a place for humor, although not jokes. Death is serious, but brief,
tasteful remembrances of humorous events can break the tension and bring a
sense of release. At one service an eldest son brought tribute to his father. He
mentioned several serious qualities and then concluded by relating how his
father had always chided him for leaving the bathroom messy. This middle-aged
son ended his remarks by looking up toward heaven and saying, “Dad, I just
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want you to know I cleaned up the bathroom before I came to your service.” In
some services, such a comment might have been out of place, but that day it fit.
It helped the family get through the day.
Obviously, I’m as positive about the deceased as possible. There’s something

good to say about everyone. But several years ago I learned I had to be honest.
I was preparing for the funeral of a man I didn’t know. I was gathering some
biographical information from his grown daughter. She simply said, “Please
don’t say a lot of nice things about my father. [Page 102] I loved him, but he
was not a good man. If you say he was good, people won’t believe anything
else you say.”
The cause of death and the person’s character or “credentials” determine the
type and tone of the funeral service. Services for prominent church officials,
well-known pastors, and former missionaries tend to involve more speeches of
tribute and are more structured. During such services, I fight to control time by
giving specific time limitations.
A service for a known unbeliever or someone who has lived an unwholesome

life is much briefer. The emphasis of the service shifts from giving thanks for the
deceased to providing comfort and encouragement to the bereaved. This is
particularly the case in the death of a non-Christian spouse. I say little about the
deceased. Rather I focus on how God will help the believing partner who
remains.
In services for elderly, well-known church members, I’ll often make the
emphasis one of thanksgiving for a life well-lived. For one man who had been
active in the ministries of the church until the time of his death, I used Hebrews
11:13 as a text: “All these people were still living by faith when they died.” It was
an opportunity to speak of his involvement, his acts of kindness, and his faith in
God that remained strong for a lifetime.
I vary the sequence, but somewhere there’s a hymn, usually a solo, and,
depending on the circumstances, a few comments on the life of the deceased. I
always include a message based on Scripture. I pray at least twice during the
service, once asking for the Lord’s presence and help during the service, and
once asking for the Lord’s counsel, comfort, and wisdom for the grieving family.
I don’t allow the prayers to become either mini-sermons or counseling sessions.
I make them short and conversational; flowery language and theological jargon
don’t make sense to the sorrowing family.
I base my encouragement in Scripture. I shy away from sentimental poetry. I’m

a preacher, not a poet. The underlying thought I want to leave is that the Bible
provides solid [Page 103] answers about life and death, and Jesus Christ
provides meaningful support to those who grieve.
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The logistics of funerals and burials vary greatly. There’s certainly no right or
wrong way, only what’s appropriate to the situation and community. My job is to
provide the necessary outlet for legitimate grief.
The Graveside Service
The traditional burial following the funeral service can destroy the positive tone
established during the service. Many people have told me the burial service was
the hardest part of their grief experience. The big struggle was to walk away
from the grave. So I suggest having the burial before the service to relieve the
family of some of this pressure and to free them to hear the comforting words of
the service.
If the burial service is for just the immediate family, the time at the graveside
becomes more personal and family oriented. The service in the church or
funeral chapel can then conclude on a positive note of hope and
encouragement. In addition, relatives and friends are available immediately
following the service to support the family; they don’t have to wait till after the
burial.
I tell the family the graveside part of the service is short, so they’re not surprised
by its brevity. Depending on the mix and number of people present at the
graveside, I may have them sing a chorus or verse of a familiar hymn to involve
them in the burial, helping them express their grief and affirm their faith. The
overriding word at the graveside is resurrection. Since the grave is but a
temporary resting place for the body, I don’t dwell on the end of life but the hope
of the resurrection.
Following my benediction, I greet each member of the immediate family

individually by name. I don’t say much; it’s just a final personal touch. I then
quickly withdraw and leave the family alone. They need private time to say
things they might feel uncomfortable saying in my presence. [Page 104]
Speaking of Life and Death
The heart of the funeral has to be the sermon. A funeral message isn’t lengthy,
but it should be long enough to provide substance for faith to grasp. I aim for a
ten- to twelve-minute message. I try to make my style conversational. There’s
no place for the bombastic, the flamboyant, or the spectacular.
Regardless of my text, I include a brief statement of what happens when a

person dies, how God helps those who sorrow, and how we can prepare for our
own eventual deaths. I have a congregation at a funeral that I don’t have any
other time. I don’t abuse the privilege, but I’ve concluded that outsiders feel
cheated if, as a man of God, I don’t tell it like it is and say something of
substance.
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I recently went through an unusually hectic three weeks. In addition to a number

of other pressing situations in the church, I had five funerals. Yet I preached a
new and different sermon at each service.
How did I find time to prepare five new funeral messages? Several years ago I
accepted the fact that death is going to happen, and I will be called upon to
conduct the services. Further, I’ve learned that since funerals don’t happen at
convenient times, I have to be ready before I’m asked to perform them. So I
keep a file of potential funeral texts. Perhaps calling it a file is a little strong. It’s
really just a folder with scraps of paper on which I’ve scribbled a potential text
and a seed thought or two. When I’m called about a death, I go to my folder with
possible texts, and usually there’s an appropriate one to give me a place to
start.
I tend to stay away from the most obvious texts. On the other hand, I try to stay
away from obscure texts. A funeral message is too short to give background
information and explanation. People want something familiar. They need to
fasten their faith onto what they know.
The underlying message of every funeral service is hope. Believers can have
assurance and confidence in facing the grave. As a pastor, I bring divine help to
enable the family to cope with change, loss, and the process of rebuilding.
[Page 105]
Following the Service
After the service is when ministry is often most needed. Immediately following
the service, the women of our church provide a luncheon. This relaxed time
gives family and friends an opportunity to express their concern and love to
each other. It’s the start of the healing process.
Sometimes during these informal gatherings we’ve had a time when folk were
encouraged to make some personal comments about the deceased or family
members. This was particularly moving following the death of a young lady,
Elfrieda, who died in her thirties. Many people told how she had blessed their
lives. One girl spoke of how Elfrieda had brought her to the Lord. This was not
only a fitting tribute to Elfrieda, but brought healing and release to those who
participated.
I let the family know I’m available to help. There’s a follow-up visit to assess the
situation and determine ongoing ministry. I make sure there is public prayer for
the family during the first Sunday service bereaved family members are back in
church.
In addition, I seek to connect each bereaved person with someone in the church
who can befriend and encourage in an ongoing way. Pearl was widowed about
three years ago. Today she is reaching out to another widow, who is struggling.
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Pearl phones her each morning, meets her often for coffee, and sees to it that
she gets to church. This continuing ministry of comfort is too great for me to
handle, and not my sole territory anyway. Godly women like Pearl minister in
ways I can’t.
Three women approached me recently following a funeral service for a friend.

They paid me the compliment that I’m sure has been given to many other
pastors: “Pastor, we hope you stay in this church a long time, because we don’t
plan to die for several years. But when we do, we want you to preach our
funerals.” I had passed their test.
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Roderick E Huron (comp), Christian Minister’s Manual (Cincinnati: Standard

Publishing, 1999), 125-129.
14. Funerals
Helpful Suggestions
As ministers of Jesus Christ, our living Lord, we are privileged to bear His
comfort to those in sorrow. Upon learning of a death, go immediately. Late in
life, William E. Sweeney reflected, “It was not what I said that helped, but that I
went, and that by going showed I cared!’
When death occurs in a hospital, you may want to try to have a few moments
alone with the family. Most hospitals have a room or rooms for this purpose.
This is not the time to be talkative. Simple words of comfort are sufficient, and
perhaps a brief Scripture quoted or read. In nearly every grief situation, prayer
is appreciated. Ask, “I’d like to have prayer. Could we do that?”
Be sensitive to the family and their sorrow. By Lazarus tomb, Jesus wept. You
will show that you care by being there, by listening, and by feeling their sorrow
with them. Spend as much time as will be helpful, without intruding upon their
need for privacy. When it comes time to leave, excuse yourself by affirming that
you will be as near as the telephone if there is anything you can do to be
helpful. Then keep that promise. Be available. If you must leave the office, be
sure the secretary or whoever will answer the phone knows where you are or
can get in touch with you.
After the family has made arrangements with the funeral home, the funeral
director will call you regarding the hour for the service. Death takes precedence:
if at all possible, adjust your schedule to accommodate the time best suited to
the family.
In their sorrow, the family may request another minister with whom they were
close. It is proper for the local minister to convey this request to his colleague
and the two of them work out the details of the service.
When a family bypasses the local minister entirely, he can still make a call upon
the family and assure them of his sympathy. His gracious manner will indicate
that he understands their need and that he feels no hurt or resentment because
they have not asked him to participate.
You may wish to make another call on the family the day before the funeral, or
at least during visitation hours at the funeral home. In addition to showing
sympathetic concern, this gives the opportunity to ask, “Is there a favorite
Scripture, or the words of a particular song, which you would like included in the
service tomorrow?”
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If they have no specific request, you could reply, “I’d like to use the Twenty-third
Psalm: The Lord is my shepherd!” By referring to this or another Scripture, you
are already helping them focus their thoughts upon God and His presence. You
may also want to ask, “Is there someone in the family, or a friend, whom you
would like to have say a few words?” This eulogy need in no way supplant nor
detract from any remarks the minister will give regarding the deceased.
Including a family member or friend personalizes the service even more.
Funeral traditions vary widely in different localities. Speak with the funeral
director about the service: time, place of burial, music. Ask, “Is there anything I
ought to know about the service?”
Should there be singing? An obituary? Will there be a fraternal or military

service? Is the church expected to provide pallbearers? In what section of the
funeral home will the service be held? Where does the minister wait? Where
does he stand for his message? How will the body be loaded into the funeral
coach, and will the minister precede the body? Will he drive his own car to the
grave or ride with the funeral director? What will be the procedure at the
cemetery? The minister shall know the answers to all these questions before
the service begins.
Where possible, the minister stands at the head of the casket, both when
speaking and afterward as family and friends take their leave.
During these moments, he may want to express personal words of comfort to

the immediate family as they gather for the last time around the form of their
loved one. If pallbearers are to carry the body to the waiting funeral coach, the
minister will precede, walking slowly as the casket is carried, and standing near
as it is loaded into the hearse. When the service is held in the church, the family
may want to receive friends during the hour before the service. This may be
done in the church parlor or another room just off the sanctuary.
Minutes before the service, the minister will precede the casket, now closed, as
it is brought into the sanctuary. The family may then take their places for the
service. After the service, the minister will again lead the casket as it is borne to
the waiting funeral coach. A clear understanding on procedure between the
funeral director and the officiating minister will ensure that the service goes
smoothly.
Suggested order for the service:
 Organ background of selected hymns
 Singing (If any)
 Scripture reading
 Prayer
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 Obituary (If used)
 Remarks by family member or friend (If used)
 Message
 Closing prayer and benediction
 Soft organ music as friends and family leave.
The funeral message ought to be personal without becoming maudlin. Strive to

alleviate rather than increase the family’s sorrow. The entire service, unless
there is singing, will not require more than twenty minutes.
Though not long, the remarks should radiate the power and beauty of Jesus
Christ. Personal prayer and communion with God prepare the man who will
speak for Him in this hour.
When the deceased is a Christian. Choose Scriptures that reflect Christ’s

promises to His own. References to the deceased’s faith and life are proper, if
done in good taste. Examples showing his or her devotion to Christ will comfort
the family and be encouraging to others. It is not wise to over-eulogize.
When the deceased is not a Christian. Select Scriptures emphasizing God’s

care and comfort. Avoid being judgmental, either toward the deceased or
toward those left behind. The funeral is not a revival service nor an evangelistic
meeting.
Often, through understanding and sympathy, a wise pastor can open a door for
Christ in the months following a loved one’s passing. A caring ministry from the
church may provide the opportunity for the church to bring the family into its
fellowship.
When the deceased is not known. There is a danger in attempting to portray

a closeness not really there. The effect will be artificial and contrived. Speak,
instead, of Christ and His approach to death. He raised the widow’s son, Jairus’
daughter, and Lazarus. Christ died too, and overcame death in His own
resurrection. Because of Him we look at death differently, knowing it is not
merely an end, but a beginning.
Memorial Services
A memorial service may be occasioned by different circumstances. When the

deceased was well known and loved in an area some distance from the funeral
site, his friends in that area may wish to honor him with a memorial service.
There may also be a group of friends, such as a body of students and faculty of
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a school, who cannot be assembled at the time of the funeral, but who wish to
pay tribute to the deceased. For them, a memorial service is appropriate.
Sometimes there is a much more personal reason for holding a memorial

service. Some families prefer that the interment be private and that the public
service be held without the body of the deceased present. In this case, the
minister will go with the funeral director and the family to the grave at the
appointed time and conduct the committal. Such a service will incorporate
Scripture reading, brief remarks, and prayer.
Cremation is also often done in private, and the funeral becomes a memorial
service. The closing in the funeral home will incorporate some aspects of a
committal service. When the time comes for the memorial service, family and
friends gather at the funeral home or at the church building, and the service
proceeds as in a funeral. When the deceased is a Christian and the service is
being held at the church, this service may properly incorporate feelings of joy
and victory as the congregation joins in singing the great hymns of the faith,
several persons offer remembrances of the deceased, appropriate music is
provided, and the minister’s message proclaims Jesus’ promise to the believer.
Remarks similar to these may be appropriate for the conclusion of the minister’s
message: “The Scriptures teach that we are made of the dust of the ground,
and to dust we will return. But we are more than dust, for when God breathed
into man’s nostrils the breath of life, man became a living being. These bodies
are only the temporary dwelling place for our restless spirits. “Our brother
(sister) has cast aside this temporary house. It was of the earth; to the earth it
shall return. But the spirit lives on with eternal life.
“Let us go from this place with our eyes toward Heaven and our hearts attuned
to the call and service of God, until that day when we, too, step from this life into
the life to come!”
Close with prayer.
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Miller, Handling the Hard Cases
Roger F Miller, “Handling the Hard Cases.” In EH Peterson & C Miller, (eds),
Weddings, Funerals, & Special Events (Waco: Word Books, 1987), 119-132.
15. Handling the Hard Cases
For all the good things we can do for families in the hard cases, we
can do just as many bad things — and that’s the challenge.
[Page 121] It was the kind of situation that gives clergy tremors.
A local funeral director called me to arrange a graveside committal service for a

former resident of our community. I didn’t know the person. He had been living
halfway across the state for many years but had relatives still in town who were
marginally connected with our church.
“The service will be simple,” the funeral director said. “Just some Scripture
readings, words of committal, and a prayer. Only the immediate family and a
few old friends will be at the cemetery.”
The wind at the cemetery whipped the trees and tested the ropes securing the
burial canopy. Topsoil from the plowed field adjacent to the graveyard blew into
our hair and the creases of our clothing as we waited for the hearse and the
cars carrying the family.
The appointed hour came and went. No body, no family, no motorcade — but
people, lots of them! The “few old friends” that began gathering ten minutes
before we were due to start had swelled to a crowd of over a hundred. One
person said to me, “I’m so glad they’re having a funeral service here. I wasn’t
[Page 122] able to see the family earlier.” Suddenly the brief committal service I
had prepared seemed woefully inadequate.
I also noticed many of these so-called old friends weren’t so old. In fact, they
were nearly all in their thirties or early forties. Through some delicate
conversation with one of them, I discovered they were contemporaries of the
deceased. This is no old man at the end of his natural life! I thought.
Pulling the funeral director aside and whispering as quietly as I could, I began a
vigorous interrogation. Why hadn’t he told me a large crowd would be showing
up expecting a full funeral? Why didn’t he tell me the deceased had been in the
prime of life? What other little surprises awaited me?
“I wasn’t in charge of the original arrangements,” he protested, “just the burial.

I’m as off balance from this as you are.” I had worked with this funeral director
enough to know he was sincere, but our mutual ignorance was little comfort.
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Just then the procession of vehicles made its way through the cemetery gates,
nearly an hour late. As the hearse and family cars moved between the rows of
markers, I asked the deceased’s aunt, standing next to me, what had happened
to this young man. Over the howl of the wind, she replied, “He shot himself.”
Out went the funeral service I had been mentally preparing to replace the
original committal service. As the cars came closer, I worked feverishly to
formulate a service that would speak specifically to the people affected by this
man’s death and the circumstances surrounding it.
The man’s widow, her parents, and in-laws got out of the cars, and I could see
their grief was intense. As I greeted the family, I quickly picked up that their grief
was compounded by guilt, so common among the survivors of a suicide. The
funeral director opened the casket (apparently the man had shot himself in the
chest), and those present filed by to see him lying there, a bottle of his wife’s
perfume in one hand and a bottle of something else in the other. I did not doubt
this impromptu funeral would be the toughest I had ever done. [Page 123]
What Makes Hard Cases Hard
In over a decade of pastoral ministry, I have officiated at nearly three hundred

funeral services. The very first was for a young woman killed in a car wreck on a
twisting Kentucky road. Two weeks prior, we had celebrated her graduation
from high school. Two of the more recent services I’ve had were for an elderly
lady, also the victim of a car accident, and her husband. The husband had been
driving the car in which she had sustained her fatal injuries. A combination of
guilt over the accident — he was at fault — and the feeling he couldn’t live
without her led the man to borrow a neighbor’s car keys on the pretext of
running an errand, get in the car, turn on the ignition, and poison himself with
carbon monoxide. It’s natural, I suppose, but of all the funeral services I’ve
performed, the ones I remember most are the “hard cases.”
Death comes through many doors. For some, it slips through the door marked
“merciful healer” and liberates a person from pain, illness, and a worn-out body.
In these cases, death makes sense; it’s easy to see how death fits naturally into
the cycle of life. Any death certainly produces grief in those who survive. A
natural death following a long, full life, however, tempers grief’s pain with the
achievement of a life well lived and a smooth transition from one life to another.
Then there are times when death bursts through the door marked “obscene
intruder.” It comes as a vicious thief who robs the victim and family of health,
happiness, and much of the abundant life Christ taught was God’s intention.
These deaths are untimely — suicides, accidents, murders, terminal illnesses,
or stillbirths. These deaths take babies, children, young adults, and those in
middle age. These deaths make no sense; they frustrate any attempts to
provide tidy answers when hurting people ask why? These are the hard cases.
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I remember the funeral I did for a young man who seemed to have everything
going for him — he was an accomplished professional chef, he had a good
marriage, and he was expecting [Page 124] a baby soon. However, like
Richard Corey in Edwin Arlington Robinson’s poem, this outwardly successful
man had found something in himself with which he could not live. One fall
evening he took his brother’s deer rifle to a tree stand outside of town and shot
himself. As it happened, the brother who owned the rifle arrived at the scene
just in time to hear the gunshot.
Funerals for suicides are difficult not only because of the grief heavily laced with
guilt but because of the societal and ecclesiastical attitudes toward death by
one’s own hand. How are we to handle the funeral of a suicide if we are taught
— and believe — that to kill oneself is sin?
Deaths by automobile accidents are difficult because they are untimely. Often a
sense of unfairness shackles the loved ones. The bitterness was almost
palpable at the funeral service of a popular young police officer from our town
who was killed one summer night when his car flipped and hit a telephone pole.
Because the officer was so well liked, the funeral was huge, and as I talked to
people at the service, I detected less an asking of why it happened than a basic
rage that it did.
Increasingly we give pastoral care to families of people who have succumbed to

AIDS. From the most recent information, AIDS will continue to claim many lives.
Since most victims of AIDS are homosexual males, at these funerals we
encounter deep negative feelings toward the homosexual lifestyle. Add to this
the fear AIDS has caused among the general population and the double burden
parents often carry, adjusting not only to the death of a child but also to the
newfound knowledge of his sexual orientation, and the combination makes for a
truly hard case. In the one AIDS-related funeral situation I’ve been in, I did as
much counseling with the parents regarding homosexuality as over the death of
their son.
Funerals for babies and children confront us most graphically with unfulfilled
dreams, dashed hopes, and unrequited love. I started 1985 with the funeral of a
stillborn infant delivered New Year’s Day. It was a terrible despair I felt as I
stood at the podium next to a tiny white casket and tried to comfort a [Page
125] desolated family. I thought of my own two children and how I would feel if
one of them died.
The Challenge of the Hard Cases
Few ministerial duties provide as great a challenge and opportunity as these

funerals. In a hard case, the funeral becomes more than a ritualized leave-
taking from the deceased. When done effectively, the bereaved can experience
firsthand a sense of God’s care and concern. This caring cuts through the worst
pain and provides the strength to withstand it. People can feel free to be angry
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with God, secure in the knowledge their anger will not drive God away. They
can express their feelings, knowing they will survive the pain. Ultimately, those
who go through the most difficult grief experiences may emerge stronger in their
faith with the aid of good pastoral care. That is, of course, if we do our job well.
For all the good things we can do for families in the hard cases, we can do just
as many bad — and that’s the challenge. Poorly given, ministry can have a
definite counterproductive effect on those in grief, actually damaging the
emotions and spirit. The bereaved may feel estranged from God and the church
family just when closeness and nurture is needed most. When grieving people
perceive any insincerity on the part of the pastor, they tend to think, The
minister doesn’t care; God must not either. The grief process may thus be
arrested for a considerable length of time. Symptoms of grief such as anger,
guilt, and a sense of loneliness may be intensified.
Not long ago the director of our community mental health agency asked me to
talk with a young staff member whose father had died two months previously.
She told me that in reaction to his grief he was making work difficult for clients
and the rest of the staff. I talked with the young man and found he was
distressed about the anger he was venting on everyone. He revealed that the
minister who served the family during his father’s illness and funeral seemed
more concerned about the details of the will and the settlement of the [Page
126] estate than about the pain of the family members. No doubt this young
man was angry about other things as well, but his anger increased as he
perceived the awkward ministry to the family as a lack of caring.
What to Avoid
In difficult funerals, what is most effective becomes clear when we consider

what should be avoided.
Don’t be the “answer man.” A mystique surrounds our work, much as in the field
of medicine. We spend years of preparation and more years of practice to
answer life’s most basic and imponderable questions.
It feels good to have people seek us out for answers. When we are confronted
with a hard case, however, there are no easy answers. Nothing we can say or
do will bring back a dead son or reverse a car accident. No answer we give will
make a suicide easy to think about.
Recently I read a sermon a fellow minister had delivered at the funeral of an

AIDS victim. The thrust of the message was that this untimely and tragic death
was perfectly understandable — it was God’s punishment for the victim’s
lifestyle. I wondered: Was this “answer” to the question of why this young man
had to die really helpful to the family and friends left behind?
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We must rid ourselves of the notion we can fix painful situations by providing
answers to questions that are unanswerable.
Don’t treat this as “just part of my job.” Some time ago I sat with the family of a
dying woman. Prior to our hurried summons to the hospital, she had been
proceeding along a normal postoperative course of recovery. Her vital signs
looked fine. Then a weak spot in her aorta ruptured. There was nothing anyone
could do. As her blood pressure dropped dramatically and her pulse faded, her
family and I sat silently together in the waiting room, bound to one another by
our feelings of shock and helplessness.
With us sat another minister, pastor of the church where [Page 127] one of the
woman’s daughters attended. I had called him at the daughter’s request so he
could lend emotional and spiritual support to her. What he did instead was
fidget in his chair and glance frequently at his wrist watch. When the woman
finally died and the daughter, disgusted despite her grief, told the minister he
could leave, the clergyman compounded his mistake by offering to stay longer.
The daughter icily informed him that wouldn’t be necessary. It was a long time
before that woman went back to church.
I don’t believe the minister acted as he did because he didn’t care. Rather, I
believe he behaved that way because he was feeling as uncomfortable as the
rest of us. It would have been far better to acknowledge his discomfort at the
outset and let the rest of us support him while he supported us at the same
time. He certainly should have refrained from the false offer of further
assistance, which came off sounding forced.
At the funeral, don’t give a canned presentation. Recently I took an informal

survey of the funeral directors in my area to check their perceptions of clergy
effectiveness in problem funeral situations. Their responses were discouraging,
to say the least.
One funeral director told me, “It seems as if most of the ministers come in with a
service that’s cut-and-dried no matter what the cause of death. For every
service they use the same Bible passages, the same prayers, and the same
messages. It’s almost as if they don’t care.” Virtually all the other funeral
directors echoed the sentiment.
This disturbs me. If the funeral directors are sensing a lack of caring on the part
of the clergy, what must the families be feeling? Do they think we are there just
to perform a perfunctory service, an empty ritual? Since feelings are magnified
by grief’s pain, I wonder if the people who need us most, those in the hard
cases, feel angrier, guiltier, and lonelier for our having been a part of the
process.
I sat through the funeral of a suicide victim in which the minister made no
mention of the suicide and said the name of the deceased only once. The rest
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of the service was read out of [Page 128] a book. I felt as if I had been led to
the table but denied permission to eat. It’s true that different medicines work for
different ailments, and no one drug can cure every sickness. It is no less true
that a canned funeral service that takes no consideration of the unique
circumstances of the death will seldom be helpful to people hurting in a hard
case.
I believe we resort to canned services because of our discomfort; the prepared,

impersonal service appears an easy way out of the situation. We become far
more effective in handling the hard cases when we allow ourselves to grieve
along with the bereaved. The best thing we can do as we prepare for each
difficult funeral service is to ask ourselves what it is that gives us the most
courage and strength, given the way we feel about the situation. It is as true in
ministry as in anything else: we work best with what we know and have
ourselves experienced.
What We Can Do
So what can we do?
The funeral service is the place where we can define the boundaries of grief.
We acknowledge the loss of the deceased, we recognize the feelings we
experience as a result of the loss, and we offer hope that this most terrible time
will pass and we will be able to affirm life as good once again. With that in mind,
there are several things we can do.
Tailor the service to the family at hand. The message that worked for the
loved ones of the “church grandpa” will be ineffective for the family of the child
who succumbed to leukemia. When preparing the service, I try to keep the
family and circumstances in mind. If possible, I get to know something about the
deceased and his or her family prior to the service. How the person died will,
more than anything, determine the cut of the funeral service as I tailor it to the
needs of those attending.
Mention the cause of death. Earlier I wrote of the services I did for the woman
who died in the car accident and her husband [Page 129] who committed
suicide as a result. As I began the second service, I said something like this:
“Ten days ago, we gathered here to receive God’s strength and comfort as we
acknowledged the loss of Betty Wilson. Her death in an accident left us shocked
and hurting. No one felt the pain and shock more than her devoted husband,
Hank, and so, tragically, three days ago, Hank ended his own life near his
home.”
With that opening statement, I immediately established the unusual

circumstances that brought us together. It frustrates a family when a pastor
talks all around the cause of death without addressing it directly. In some cases,
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the circumstances will be obvious, as in the death of a child. In other cases,

however, part of our effectiveness lies in enabling the survivors to admit “John
was killed in a car wreck” or “John was murdered,” or even “John killed himself.”
Mentioning the cause of death gives everyone present the chance to start
recovering from grief from a more-or-less common starting point.
Of course, I need to exercise sensitivity and care, and discuss plans with the
family ahead of time. In the case of the man who committed suicide, I checked
with immediate family members before saying anything publicly. Since the
circumstances of his death were common knowledge anyway, they felt it would
be most appropriate to acknowledge the suicide. Given strong emotional
attachments to concepts like suicide and AIDS, it is essential we discover the
most tactful yet honest way to present the cause of death. In the case of the
AIDS victim, I obtained the consent of the family before reading as a part of the
obituary that he had died of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (that was
honest, yet not so scary sounding as AIDS).
Acknowledge this is an abnormal time. This helps the survivors place their
unpleasant feelings into perspective. Often, a grieving person will feel as if he or
she is losing touch with reality. Time and again I’ve had surviving spouses tell
me, “I feel like I’m losing my mind. I won’t be able to function normally [Page
130] ever again. I can’t think straight and I can’t remember a single thing.”
Our honest acknowledgment can help the bereaved see this is something we
do not normally encounter; it is a time for unusual feelings and reactions. There
is good reason to feel spiritually and emotionally out of kilter when one we’ve
known and loved dies suddenly and tragically.
This acknowledgment offers, too, the hope that feelings will return to normal
once the worst of the grief is overcome. That in itself can be a great comfort to
people who are thrown into a spiritual vertigo by a tragic death.
Allow for honest ventilation of feelings. The death of my father in 1981 was
a pivotal experience in both my life and ministry. Dad died at the age of fifty-five
from lung cancer. At my own request, I co-officiated at the burial service. When
I made that arrangement, I had no idea how difficult the service would be. I
stood at the grave facing my family and friends and invited them to share my
feelings, feelings like the writer of Lamentations when he wrote:
I am the man who has seen affliction under the rod of his wrath; he has driven
and brought me into darkness without any light; surely against me he turns his
hand again and again the whole day long. He has made my flesh and my skin
waste away, and broken my bones; he has besieged and enveloped me with
bitterness and tribulation; he has made me dwell in darkness like the dead of
long ago. He has walled me about so that I cannot escape; he has put heavy
chains on me; though I call and cry for help, he shuts out my prayer; he has
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blocked my ways with hewn stones … my soul is bereft of peace, I have

forgotten what happiness is.…” (Lam. 3:1–9, 17–18)
In the case of a murder, suicide, child death, or other difficult situation, certainly
there should be anger. Often guilt or other feelings will manifest themselves. By
reminding people these are a sign neither of mental instability nor a lack of faith,
we can provide a place from which the bereaved can begin working back to
where things are normal and life is good.[Page 131]
Emphasize God’s presence. Even though grieving people may be angry at

God to the point of rage, God’s love is still important to them. The effective
pastor is the one who can help the bereaved through Scripture, prayer, and
message to know that God is present, not as the oppressor but as the comforter
on the side of the oppressed. While we may not know why a fatal accident
happened, or why a child contracted leukemia or a woman killed herself, we do
know that God is present and on our side.
In addition to lifting up God’s presence through the promises of Scripture, we

may also point to God’s presence as we find it in caring family members and
friends. I have seen friends surround widows and others at the cemetery and
infuse those hurting people with their strength through touches, hugs, firm
clasps of the hand, and other expressions of caring. This is the most effective
thing I’ve found to pass along to family members and friends of hard cases.
As pastors, we are physicians of the spirit. We bring talents, training, and

special gifts to the hard grief cases just as doctors take their talents and skills
into difficult medical cases. An openness to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the
sensitive use of the pastoral skills we possess, and a willingness to share the
grief journey of those we serve can place us in partnership with God — who
truly brings forth miracles in the hard cases.
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Bolinder, Infant Baptisms and Dedications
Garth Bolinder, “Infant Baptisms and Dedications.” In EH Peterson & C Miller,

146.
16. Infant Baptisms and Dedications
Baptisms and dedications unite us all as children in need of our

heavenly Father.
[Page 135] The Mother’s Day dedication service was moving toward its
conclusion. The last of the six beautiful babies was being presented to the Lord.
Solemn questions had been asked the parents:
“Will you, by God’s help, provide a Christian home for this child and bring her up
in the worship and teaching of the church, that she may come to know Jesus
Christ as her Savior and follow him as Lord?”
“We will,” the glad parents responded.
“Will you, members of this congregation, be faithful to your calling as members

of the body of Christ, so that this child and all other children in your midst may
grow up in the knowledge and love of him?”
“We will,” said the united congregation.
It was a holy moment. Many eyes glistened among the adults. Children looked
on in wide-eyed wonder at this reenactment of the ancient ritual. The infant
Jesus was again in the Temple, Simeon looking for the consolation of Israel,
Anna praising God.
As I pronounced the benediction on the last peaceful child, [Page 136] holding
her in my arms and softly repeating the words of blessing, “The Lord bless you
and keep you …” suddenly she looked up at me, startled, with wide-eyed terror.
Her face reddened and twisted into a grimace, a coil of anguish waiting to
unwind. In the next instant, the entire sanctuary was filled with her piercing wail.
This little beauty, cradled so gently in my arms, was howling directly into the
microphone clipped to my lapel. So much for the holy moment.
Should I muffle the noise by holding her tightly against my chest? Or quickly
give her back to her parents? Should I cry with her? Or laugh?
I started to laugh. So did the congregation. It wasn’t the laughter of ridicule or

embarrassment. It was a spontaneous, holy laughter in the midst of the fears
and pains of life. Sarah and Abraham knew it at Isaac’s birth. In Bethlehem’s
delivery room, so did Mary and Joseph.
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Was this holy drama or human comedy? Maybe a little of both. As that baby
was crying, the pastor fumbling, and the congregation chuckling, the story of
salvation was being told once again with delightful clarity. A child had been born
to a woman — another reminder of God’s redemption through Eve’s seed. The
congregation — God’s new covenant people — surrounded this little life with
warmth, love, and joy.
But what about this intruder, this pastor who takes children from the security of
parents’ embrace, pronounces eternal words over them, and calls to one
higher? A mere man or woman, whether draped with silken vestments or
sporting a polyester leisure suit, becomes a formidable presence at this moment
of divine initiation.
Common Ground
Are there not great lessons to be learned and common pastoral ground to be
found in the midst of the theological turmoil that surrounds Christian baptism? I
dare not presume to solve that age-old debate (though some might say, “What
debate? It’s truth verses heresy!”). As authors Donald Bridge (Free Church) and
David Phypers (Anglican) point out in their [Page 137] provocative book, The
Water That Divides, “One of our Lord’s last recorded commands to his followers
was ‘Go … and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit’ (Mt. 28:19). That his followers
have, in general, obeyed his command is beyond question.…Yet despite this,
perhaps no command of Christ has occasioned so much controversy, division,
bitterness, and mistrust as this one.”
Still, in the midst of this continuing controversy, pastors of all stripes are called
to welcome little children, to tell the grand story of redemption. We realize,
whether through baptism or dedication, that children can play a major part, and
the way we utilize such occasions can have eternal consequences.
Jesus and the Children
Even to the casual observer, it’s obvious the gospel writers placed particular
importance on Jesus’ attitude toward children. Not only did he delight in them,
they seemed to delight in him. There was a joyful fullness in their relationship
that confounded both the skeptic Pharisees (as expected) and the faithful
disciples. When everyone wanted to keep the children from Jesus, he bid them
come and had some rather harsh words for those who hindered them.
Does the Bible assume what modern neonatal medicine is just now discovering,
that infants have great capacity for awareness and perception? The story of
John the Baptizer leaping in the womb of his mother as the prenatal Messiah
approaches certainly causes us to wonder. As Frederick Buechner has pointed
out, “When it comes to the forgiving and transforming love of God, one wonders
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if the six-week-old screecher knows all that much less than the Archbishop of
Canterbury.”
In thinking of our pastoral role, whether in infant baptism or dedication, we must

first focus on the tender relationship between Jesus and the children. What can
be done to reflect his divine concern and love for them? Let’s start with some
practical considerations.[Page 138]
Know the child’s name. As basic as this might sound, it indicates our pastoral
attitude and involvement. No doubt we all issue some form of certificate for
either baptism or dedication. It shows care as we get the proper names of the
children and have the certificates neatly filled out well in advance. As a personal
touch, we use several people in the congregation who do calligraphy. As I sign
the certificates, I make a conscious effort to become familiar with, even
memorize, the names of the children I’ll be holding on Sunday. If our heavenly
Father has every hair numbered on those little heads, then I figure I had better
know the children’s names.
Consider the logistics of the service. Most pastors I know try to include the
children early in the worship service. This way anxious parents can be spared
the trial of trying to keep down the din as the noontime feeding and nap
approaches.
Set a caring tone. The pastor’s attitude sets the tone for the families involved,
the congregation, and, I believe, for the infants as well. With so many things
going on, it’s easy to inadvertently telegraph our busyness or preoccupation,
which does not reflect the welcome of Jesus. So I find I must consciously bring
to the ceremony a smiling face, a gentle voice, a firm yet tender embrace.
These tell the children of a Love that will not let them go.
Music, prayers, and Scriptures can be chosen that emphasize the grace and
peace of Christ. I suppose we could think of the rites of baptism and dedication
as eternal lullabies, soothing with the peace of God helpless children thrust into
a sinful world. An old poem by George Wither captures this mood:
Whilst thus thy lullaby I sing,
For thee great blessing ripening be;
Thine eldest brother is a King,
And hath a kingdom bought for thee.
The wants that He did then sustain,
Have purchased wealth, my babe, for thee;
And by His torments and His pain,
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Thy rest and ease secured may be.
Thou has yet more to perfect this, [Page 139]
A promise and an earnest got,
Of gaining everlasting bliss,
Though thou, my babe, perceiv’st not.
Be creative. Every time I hear the hymn “Loving Shepherd of Thy Sheep,” I’m
deeply moved, because that’s the song Pastor Art Nelson sang quietly to our
firstborn after baptizing her. Years later, when Pastor Wes Swanson held up our
second child after baptizing her and declared, “Behold what manner of love the
Father has given us, that we should be called the children of God,” I realized a
new dimension to 1 John 3:1.
I’ve talked to pastors who send personal letters to every baby they’ve baptized
or dedicated — immediately after the Sunday ceremony, or later, on Christmas,
Easter, or another significant date. Though initially read by the parents, these
letters go into baby books and become spiritual signposts in later years.
I remember my daughter’s excitement when she came home and told us that
next week a special party was going to be held for her — in honor of the
anniversary of her baptism. With all the secular paraphernalia that engulfs our
children as they grow, maybe we should be looking for more creative ways like
these to undergird eternal and spiritual realities.
Jesus and the Children’s Parents
Let the little children come to Jesus, but insist their parents bring them. The
Bible knows nothing of the individualism so popular in our time. Baptisms and
dedications are opportunities for family ministry. I believe sensitive preparation
of parents is both a theological and practical necessity.
I’ll always remember a visit with a newer couple in the church. Both held
doctorates from prestigious Ivy League universities. They were the epitome of
success and style. They were also spiritually hungry because the birth of their
first child caused them to reconsider their lapsed religious upbringings.[Page
140]
What a privilege to visit them one evening to discuss the pending baptism of
their newborn. I admit I was a little awed by their academic and professional
accomplishments. But they had wanted spiritual counsel. So I went.
“No,” I replied to one of their questions, “we don’t believe the Scriptures teach
that baptism guarantees salvation.”
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“We don’t either.”
“Well, can you tell me about your personal faith in Jesus Christ?”
What followed was a thought-provoking time of discussion and testimony about

new life in Christ. They had recently entered that life and wanted to witness to
the grace of God through baptizing their baby. If I had bypassed the visit, either
through casual assent to their request for baptism or by skepticism at their
spiritual status, I’d have lost a rich occasion. The family would have missed
reflecting on the meaning of their newfound commitment. And the congregation
might have lost the privilege of enfolding this family into our midst.
While it may not be possible to cultivate a deep relationship with every set of
parents, I do work hard to integrate parents into the baptism or dedication
process. Personal contact with parents helps them understand the significance
of what they are desiring for their child. It affirms the necessity of their own
profession of faith, dispels any misunderstandings that this is the completion of
their spiritual responsibility for their child, and prepares them to answer with
integrity in the service the questions of their faith and intent. Such personal
involvement also helps cement my future relationship with them.
As a church becomes larger, finding time for all this is a genuine problem. But to
me, the bigger problem comes when we neglect such a wide-open door to
ministry.
The grievous sociological climate of our day quickly presents us with unusual
circumstances here. There are no easy solutions to the complications that
divorce, sexual permissiveness, blended families, and single parenting bring.
Yet when a parent comes to the pastor, concerned about the [Page 141]
spiritual welfare of his or her infant, what an opportunity to counsel the parent
about the true meaning of the gospel, of repentance, of forgiveness, of a life of
obedience!
Teaching and Witness
Kimberly’s tiny body was bound in a cast from the abdomen down. As I held her
in my arms and gazed into her eyes, I marveled at her oblivion to her serious
condition. The drama was not lost on the congregation, however, nor on
Kimberly’s parents. They realized that after casts came a series of surgeries
that might correct the birth defect. If the surgeries were not effective, this child
faced the life of a paraplegic. Her baptism that Sunday morning had a marked
impact on the entire congregation. I didn’t realize how much until later in the
week.
A couple called me for an appointment to talk about the baptism last Sunday.
Since they were new to the church, I guessed they wanted to discuss (or argue)
the theology of baptism. Oh well, I sighed, one more time around.
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As the conversation began, I realized I had prepared for the wrong subject.
They didn’t want to talk baptismal theology. They wanted to talk about personal
faith — their lack of it, to be exact. During the baptism of this little girl in her half-
body cast, this couple was deeply moved. They began to cry again as they told
me about it.
“It was as if that little girl were a symbol of our lives,” they said.
“There she was, crippled and bound, yet glowing with happiness and peace in
her father’s arms. When you took her and spoke of Christ’s love for her — that
he died for her sins — that was more than we could take.
“Later it hit us. This little girl could grow into a joyful, fulfilled woman even if she
never walked. She could learn to survive and thrive in the world. There are
thousands of people who illustrate this, but that baptism showed us the one
thing that she could not do for herself.” [Page 142]
“What’s that?” I asked.
“She can’t save herself. Only God can.”
Somehow, during the liturgy of presenting a child to God, of proclaiming the

grace of God, of praying for that child in Jesus’ name, the Holy Spirit had
convinced this couple of their need for Jesus Christ. Though I was deeply
moved as I held that frail child in my arms, I was too intent on balancing the
baby to think of any further spiritual impact. But the impact was there.
Why is my faith so small? Jesus pointed to children and said they illustrated the
values of the kingdom of God. Children are windows to heaven. So when we
bring children to the Lord, we should be ready for him to teach us through them.
Before the Lord we are all children. C. S. Lewis put it well: “When I became a
man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire
to be very grown up.” This couple’s experience reminded me that baptisms and
dedications unite us all as children in need of our heavenly Father.
They also offer marvelous opportunities for teaching and witness. Though we
have our respective orders of worship, here are some creative ideas used by
pastors I know:
— Have the parents select appropriate Scripture passages to be read.
— Have a person other than the pastor pray for the child and family. Many
times this will be a friend of the family or a relative. It can give godparents more
than a superficial role in the spiritual nurture of the child. We recently had a
service of dedication in which our guest preacher for the day happened to be a
former seminary professor of one of the parents presenting a child. How stirring
it was to hear this respected professor pray for the child of his former student.
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— Use special music. Choirs can sing in preparation. So can soloists or

ensembles. I’ve heard of gifted musicians composing songs to be sung during
the ceremony. I’ll never forget the day we had our children’s choirs sing as the
babies and their parents came forward. [Page 143]
— Other pastors have used selected poetry or prose, sometimes written for the
occasion by a parent, relative, or family friend.
In either baptism or dedication, the same people who might be struggling to stay
awake twenty minutes later during the sermon are now keenly alert. I try to
seize the moment.
Faith in a Faithless World
Ours is a curious, tragic age. Children are both persecuted and pampered.
Articles on abortion, TV specials on abused children, and missing children

staring at us from billboards and milk cartons remind us of our national epidemic
of unwanted or mistreated children. As Christians we grieve over this plague
and protest vigorously.
Yet we also live in a land that spends billions on designer clothes and high-tech
accessories for our children. A recent article in Time noted: “Though parents
pay the bills, precocious youngsters often insist on making decisions in matters
of taste and style.…Notes a manager of Little Me in suburban Atlanta: ‘The child
comes in and says, “This is what I want. I won’t wear anything else.” These are
very opinionated children.’ … In fact, a well-dressed child may be the ultimate
status symbol.…Observes a vice president at the advertising firm of Quinn and
Johnson/BBDO, ‘Kids are the BMWs of the ’80s.’”
This is the schizophrenic world into which we send our baptized and dedicated
children. But as the old song says, “This world is not my home. I’m just a passin’
through.” These ancient Christian symbols provide roots in a rootless age. Both
baptism and dedication boldly declare two foundational truths about the human
condition.
First, these rites tell us we are sinners who need to be washed. Let’s not be too
sentimental. Regardless of the innocent beauty of children, they need
redemption. I recall [Page 144] the comment of a seminary classmate when I
asked how his eighteen-month-old baby was: “Well,” he said, “original sin is
alive and well.”
Jesus invited the little children to come because he knew, better than anyone
else, that they needed him, too.
And, second, when they came, he welcomed them with open arms. He is the
waiting Father for all his prodigal sons and daughters. Baptism and dedication,
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therefore, not only declare our utter helplessness and need, but, because they
point to Jesus Christ, also boldly proclaim “there is salvation in no one else, for
there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be
saved.”
Though we put proper focus on child, family, and church, Christ is the object. It
is his story we tell. Every baptism and dedication demonstrates both hope and
promise in that one true story. In a recent Christianity Today Institute, Dr.
Donald Joy made the telling observation, “The faith is something that must be
responded to individually. We can train. We can nurture. But they [the children]
ultimately respond.”
Children of faith in a faithless world: our services of baptism and dedication

proclaim a powerful alternative to a world that abuses children because “they
get in my way” and indulges them because “they deserve the best.” To the
abandoned and abused children of our age, our services that enfold children
shout with the voice of our Lord, “Stop! Do not hinder them. Let the little children
come to me.”
And for the pampered, preened, precocious children who are being taught the
world revolves around them and their needs, baptism and dedication point to
the Cross, and we hear these words: “Father, forgive them, for they know not
what they do.”
In the Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis gives a marvelous description of this

two-fold proclamation: “‘You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,’ said
Aslan. ‘And that is both honor enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar,
and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on
earth.’”[Page 145]
Pastoral words spoken and ministry given during the moments of baptism or
dedication carry unusual weight. The infants are recipients. So are their parents.
And the congregation not only hears the Story, but becomes part of it as they
bring children to Christ.
When we ask the congregation to join in the nurture of the children before them,
we are giving them a glorious privilege. It is no longer child or family alone
against the world. God’s people are now united, pilgrims together, passing on
the faith to the next generation.
And I, as pastor, have been the sometimes-startled but always-awestruck

master of ceremonies — ceremonies precious to our Lord.
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Chapman, The Pastor and the New Members
17. The Pastor and the New Members
The church should take great care to make sure that nothing is spared to
conserve the new convert and teach him to be a useful and useable Christian in
the service.
In years gone by, one of the criticisms leveled against Baptist churches was that
they “dip ‘em and drop ‘em.” We must do everything we can to prevent this
being true. In the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19,20, our Lord said to
“teach them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you.” Also in
John 15:16 Jesus said His desire was “that your fruit should remain.” From
these and other Bible passages we are led to believe that much attention
should be given in order to conserve the results of a revival meeting. Dr. Jack
Hyles has a good chapter on this in his book Let’s Build an Evangelistic Church,
published by the Sword of the Lord.
Churches have a reputation for carelessly receiving people into their

membership. We should never assume that a person presenting himself for
baptism and thus into church membership sufficiently understands the
experience he has gone through.
Before baptism, there should be a careful examination made into a person’s

fitness for church membership. It is tragic for an unsaved person to join the
church and be lulled into a false sense of security. However, we need to be
careful not to set up conditions of “probation” or “trial membership” which would
run the risk of making salvation a condition of good works and moral character.
Reasonable care should be taken to safeguard against ignorance, impulse,
emotion, misunderstanding or a false motive.
The church has an obligation to see that every member is given a good start.
Sometimes the majority of members a church takes drop out of active life and
service. Someone has surmised that of the reported church members:
5% do not exist
10% cannot be found
20% never pray
25% never read the Bible
30% never attend services
40% never give to any cause
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50% never go to Sunday School
60% never go to church on Sunday night
70% never give to missions
75% never hold any office of service
80% never go to prayer meeting
90% never have family worship
95% never win a soul to Christ
Right here lies one of the church’s most serious problems. Usually someone or
something is sought to be blamed. Some blame the evangelist--he just got in a
bunch of numbers. Sometimes the pastor is blamed--he didn’t take an interest
in the new converts. Sometimes the church is blamed - the members are cold
and unfriendly at that church. Wherever the blame may lie, it is still true that
many of us fishers of men are putting our fish in a sack with a hole in the
bottom. Too often have we left our newborn babes-in-Christ outside for a while
to see if they would live before bringing them into the house as active members
of the family.
Inactive church members are not necessarily hypocrites nor are they
necessarily unconverted. It is quite possible that their souls are saved while
their lives are being lost. We ought to be able to learn from others; therefore, I
shall list some tried and successful methods of conserving the results of
evangelism by enlisting and training and using the converts who have been won
to Christ.
They are the pastor’s responsibility. He is to enlist and develop the new
members. The command of the Lord Jesus was ‘feed my sheep.” “Teaching
them to observe all things” is a part of the Commission.
1. The very first thing after conversion, lead the new convert to make a
public profession (Matt. 10:32, 33). Ask simple questions that he can
answer. If he did not come forward in church to be saved, it will do good
to relate to the church the circumstances of the conversion experience.
After the pastor has led out in this it is well to have the whole church to
rejoice in his salvation or transfer of membership.
2. Have the church come forward and shake hands with the new member
or convert. This is always a time of rejoicing and encouragement.
3. A pastoral call or letter informs him about baptism. A call is best; then the
pastor can go into detain and explain the whys and wherefores of
baptism. I have found through the years that it is best to go to the home
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and talk to each one individually. Many times they have questions which
can be resolved then. It is well, if possible, to get a commitment from
each convert to come forward at the next service and be presented to the
church as a candidate for baptism. It is not wise—in fact, most Baptist
churches will not allow it--for a person to be baptized without joining a
church.
4. Explain the spiritual growth plan. Show how to use the means God has
made for spiritual growth.
a. Daily Bible reading. Give a copy of “Pathways” (the Old Time

Gospel Hour) or “Our Daily Bread,” by Richard DeHaan. A new
convert, never having read the Bible before, needs guidance -
otherwise he may get discouraged right from the start. The pastor
should use good judgment and manifest patience to get a young
Christian well started.
b. Daily prayer. Spend some time in teaching how to pray. Perhaps a

simple book on prayer by some good author could be placed in
their hands with a word of testimony, especially if it has been
helpful to you.
c. Faithful attendance at preaching services. Give him Hebrews

10:25; encourage him to memorize the verse. Explain the
importance of faithful, regular attendance.
d. Tithing income into the Lord’s work. The church should furnish a
package of offering envelopes which are dated and numbered.
Explain the Bible teaching about tithing and the church’s attitude.
Explain how the records are kept. Make sure he understands that
you are not “billing” him but this is for his help. Explain that the
church’s financial secretary will furnish a copy of what is given, for
income tax purposes.
e. Witnessing to others at least once a week. Enlist him in the

visitation program. Explain that he will not be sent out alone but
will be teamed up with an experienced visitor.
5. Have a new members reception. This is a special meeting attended by

new members and the church leaders, such as the staff, Sunday School
Superintendent, training director, youth leaders, bus director, and
deacons. When this meeting is held will depend upon the number of new
additions you are having. It can be held monthly, quarterly, each six
months or once a year. The purpose of the meeting is to acquaint the
new members with the church life and to introduce them to the church
leaders.
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There should be refreshments and a time of fellowship. The leaders

and deacons should mingle with the new members, getting to know them
and welcome them into the church. This can be made a very profitable
time and will go a long way to make new members feel at home in the
church.
6. Assign a sponsor to each new member. The sponsor’s duty is to visit the
new member immediately. He should lend encouragement, answer
questions and steer the new member into the whole church program.
Each sponsor should make a report to the new member committee.
7. Have a new members’ class. This class cannot, of course, be made

compulsory but it should be talked up in such a way that every new
member will attend. Take for granted that they will attend and let them
know that you expect them.
Usually the class will be conducted by the pastor. There is no set rule
as to how classes should be conducted but they should be thorough
enough in teaching, so that the new member understands well his
function as a member of the church.
The class could be conducted during the Sunday School hour or at

training hour. Care should be taken that the class is informal, attractive
and really worthwhile. Such a class should be conducted periodically as
often as there are enough new members to justify it.
Experience has taught that such a class succeeds best when

conducted informally. It should not be thought of as a “study course” or a
series of lectures. It should be a time of sharing experiences, convictions,
interests, needs, privileges and purposes. Because of this, it should not
be closely graded but open to all ages. However, a definite plan should
be followed. The following are suggestions which can be used.
a. What is means to be a Christian. Under this heading the salvation

experience can be explained. Take time to show what is meant by
the terms “new birth”, “repentance” “faith,” and the new
relationship which they now have to God through Christ. The work
of the Holy Spirit should be explained, also the importance and
necessity of public confession, the meaning of the ordinances,
and the duties and privileges of worship and church membership.
Basic scriptures to be used at this point are: Luke 3:3-14;

Matthew 3:13-17; John 3:22,23; Matt. 9:35-38; 28:19,20; Acts
2:41,42; John 15:1-16; Acts 1:6-8; 8:4.
b. What it means to be a member of the church. Here can be

explained the meaning of the body of Christ, the local church as a
body of baptized believers and this church’s relationship to other
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churches. Also explain the church as a family, the individual

member’s duties and privileges as a part of the church family,
what each member has a right to expect of the church and the
church of the member, and responsibilities the new member
assumes. This would be the time to show the broader significance
of citizenship in the kingdom of God, what is required of a citizen
of the kingdom, and the obligation to share the privileges of
membership in the church. Show the terrible loss to one’s spiritual
life because of carelessness, negligence, selfishness and
worldliness.
Basic Scriptures to be used are: Matthew 16:13-19,24,25; John

15:12-17; 1 Corinthians 12:1-14; John 4:31-38; 10:11-15,27-29;
Romans 8:31-37; 1 Corinthians 3:21-23; Matthew 3:1,2; 4:23;
6:33; 18:1-4; 24:14; Romans 14:17; 2 Thessalonians 3:5;
Revelation 11:15; Luke 6:30-38; 1 Corinthians 13; 1 John 3:13-18.
c. Opportunities for Christian growth. This is the place to teach the

new member the privilege and duty of daily Bible reading, and
prayer, the responsibility of faithful attendance to all the services
of the church, the privilege and obligation to take~ an active part
in the organizations of the church (Sunday School, training hour,
women’s meetings, men’s meetings, youth meetings, various
choirs, etc.), the privilege and responsibility of witnessing, the
commission to serve, and the requirements for service.
Basic Scriptures are: Psalm 119:9-16; 19; Isaiah 55:8-11; Mark

4: 10-20; John 15:7-11; Psalm 92:1-5; 122; Isaiah 6:1-8; Matthew
18:18-20; Hebrews 10:24,25; Matthew 28:19,20; Luke 24:44-49;
Acts 1:8-11; 26:12-20; Micah 6:6-8; Matthew 7:24-27; 25: 14-30;
Romans 12:1-8.
d. What it means to be a part of a church. Teach what is meant by

“joining the church”; what are the activities of a New Testament
local church; why a member should engage in the church’s
program of worship, teaching, training, giving, serving, witnessing.
Show the reason every member should be interested in missions,
the inescapable responsibility for every member to be
evangelistic, the responsibility of every member for financial
support, the Bible teaching on stewardship and tithing, the way of
happy and fruitful church membership, and the covenant of the
church into which every member freely enters. Basic Scriptures:
Matthew 23:8-10; John 15:1-8; Ephesians 1:10-23; 2:20-22;
Matthew 16:13-26; Acts 6:1-6; 1 Corinthians 12: 3 John 9,10;
Matthew 18:15-18; Acts 2:41-47; John 17:11-23.
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After the class has been completed a notation of the member’s

participation should be placed in the church record by his name. A
service of special recognition could well be held, when the names
could be read and the new members be congratulated on their
achievement. Opportunity might be given for a brief testimony on
what the instruction has meant to them. Such a service will
impress on all the members that the church cares about its
members. The total influence of such a class will be for teaching
as an effective means of conserving the church’s fruitage of
evangelism and regular witnessing program.
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Harrison, Making the Small Church Visitor-Friendly
Integrating Visitors, Involving Members
Gary Harrison, “Making the Small Church Visitor-Friendly.” In LK Weeden (ed),

The Magnetic Fellowship: Reaching and Keeping People (Waco: Word Books,
1988), 41-54.
18. Making the Small Church Visitor-Friendly
The most expensive piece of furniture in the church is the empty pew.
ST. JOHN’S NEWSLETTER
A church that is not reaching out is passing out.
DUKE BARRON
If you pastor a small church, you may have read this far and thought, That’s
great for the big folks, but what about me with my 80 people and $45,000
budget? What can we do to appeal to visitors and draw them into our
fellowship?
Gary Harrison, pastor of Faith Baptist Church in Delevan, Wisconsin, explains

how in the small church as much as in any other, practical steps can be taken to
create the right atmosphere. And they don’t have to be giant steps, either. Small
things can make a big difference. Drawing on over a decade as pastor in a
small church, he outlines three principles that helped set and keep his
congregation on a steady, upward path of growth.
There I was, settling into my first full-time pastorate and wondering, What have I
gotten myself into? With a consistent attendance of less than fifteen and a total
church budget of under $14,000, you might say there was nowhere to go but
up. But how do you begin the ascent?
The people looked to me for leadership, but I wasn’t sure I knew where to start,
let alone where to lead.
Although my situation was probably extreme, in principle it illustrates what all

small-church pastors face at one time or another. With limited resources, a
handful of people, and not infrequently a hint of discouragement or desperation,
what can a pastor do to make a difference, especially when the budget restrains
experimentation? From my more than ten years in a small church, I have
learned three principles that helped keep us growing. The principles are not
earth-shattering, but they set the stage for growth.
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A Positive Perspective
In smaller churches, I have observed what I call the “attitudes vs. abilities”
factor. Organizations that work with churches often offer resources to sharpen
leaders’ skill levels. Such resources, of course, are both good and needed.
Rarely, however, do they address the self-image of the church. It is often that
deficient attitude, not just the lack of skills, that hinders a church’s development.
The small church knows full well what it can’t do, how much money it doesn’t
have, and all the needs it isn’t meeting. (Interestingly, it’s a revelation to many
small-church leaders that bigger churches often feel exactly the same way but
on a larger scale.) Such attitudes often lead to an unhealthy introspection and
an apologetic demeanor: “Well, I know it’s not much, but we’re giving it our best
shot.” The pastor then complicates the situation by directing sermons at the
weak areas, urging greater commitment, greater efforts in evangelism, greater
giving.
I’ve found it better to continually hold before my people the good things the
church is accomplishing. Even small things, when lumped together, give a
sense of real accomplishment to the people.
For example, as I looked at my church early in my tenure, I realized we were

not accomplishing much that I thought we needed to do. But rather than
constantly emphasize what we couldn’t do, I decided to help the people rejoice
in the ministry we were able to accomplish.
The local Youth for Christ group was led largely by people in our church; per
capita, we were near the top in giving to our district ministries; our participation
in conference camping and church-planting programs contributed to our
district’s outreach; and in many other ways we were making our mark.
Individually, none of these accomplishments appeared all that significant, but
taken together, they formed a positive backdrop for ministry and for change.
When one of our people accomplished something, we made sure our whole
church heard about it and rejoiced!
Pastors are often advised to perform a “strengths vs. weaknesses” study of

their churches. When the results are tabulated, frequently there is only a weak
nod in the direction of the strengths while the major effort is expended on
improving the weaknesses. Perhaps a better starting point would be targeting
one or two strengths and working to improve them even more, making them the
central thrust of the church’s ministry.
In most churches, two or three strengths will naturally bubble to the surface. A
strength may be fellowship, a good Bible study program, small groups, the
worship on Sunday, or an effective children’s program. I encourage smaller
churches to take charge of the process rather than just letting strengths develop
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haphazardly. Churches can identify and improve on their strengths until they
become expert in these areas.
Developing a strength accomplishes two things. First, it gives the church an

area of expertise. Very likely this strength will establish the church’s reputation
in the community and become a natural springboard for outreach. “You know,
there’s just something about First Baptist; you really feel loved when you go
there, and it makes you want to go back” or “Bible Fellowship definitely
understands the problems of young marrieds. I like it there.”
Second, it gives the church a reason for genuine and healthy pride. Nothing
helps a small church’s esteem so much as to know “We do this well!”
When I got to Faith Baptist, I found a group of people who definitely cared about
others, member and visitor alike. So I capitalized on it, underscoring at every
possible occasion, “We care about people.” Lately I’ve found it rebounding. I
had one counselee tell me, “I’m not a churchgoer, but this is a church I’d like to
be a part of because you people really care.” He’d been to only one service, but
he had picked up on a natural strength of our congregation.
Of course, work still remains to round out the total ministry of the church and
strengthen its weaknesses. But now it can be done in a positive and
progressive atmosphere of growth, not a negative one of desperation and
despair. Even in the worst of situations, such strengths become an anchor point
for the rest of the ministry.
Pulling is more effective than pushing, and if the people perceive their role as
“rounding out” instead of “desperately hanging on,” more is accomplished.
A Clear Purpose
Purpose comes second for a definite reason. Often the smaller church has no
clear purpose, and the idea of developing a church purpose can strike fear in
the hearts of church leaders. Where do we start? How do we proceed? And
how can we convince the church it’s even necessary?
Sitting down cold and trying to state on paper their reason for being is often just
too big a step for church leaders. To be “spiritual,” the church will try to do a
little bit of everything. A large church may pull it off, but it becomes difficult, if
not impossible, with a small church’s limited staff and budget.
If, however, the church has already specialized in one or two areas, grasping
the concept of purpose and direction is much simpler. The process then
becomes one of understanding the scriptural mandates for churches, seeing
where the church is going, and developing a purpose that combines the two by
saying: (1) “As we understand the Bible, the church is to do …” (2) “We can
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fulfill that mandate by …” This way, rather than forcing a purpose on the church,
purpose emerges out of the gifts and natural aptitudes of the church.
For example, at Faith Baptist our general purpose statement reflects our desire
to keep people, not programs, a central focus of our ministry, and yet to grow at
the same time. As we analyzed our ministry, this purpose statement became an
indication of both our present direction and our future hopes: “The purpose of
our church is to maintain a personal ministry that equips individual believers to
successfully live a Christ-like life. We are committed to excellence in (1)
preparing the individual, (2) exhibiting a personal touch in ministry, and (3)
proclaiming Christ to our world.”
I realize that’s a pretty broad statement, and we’re taught that purposes should
be specific. But this was the first time our church had been able to put down in
writing our reason for existing. We can now begin to measure all we do against
this standard. “Does this activity help us accomplish either number 1, 2, or 3?
Are we doing this with excellence? If not, perhaps we should rethink it.”
After this first step is taken, further refinement of specific goals comes more
easily. For instance, we can take a three-year approach, emphasizing one point
each year. Once the original hurdle is overcome, the possibilities are endless.
I admit my entire congregation may not understand completely the purpose and
goals of the church — that’s the ideal to work toward, but in the interim, I
consider it crucial that the leaders do. For a small church like mine to be
effective, the leaders must be “owners” of the ministry, not simply
administrators. Here I, as pastor, am important: I must encourage, lift, build,
help, and show that I value my leaders. They must feel they are co-laborers in
Christ. And though at this time they may not be able to spell out exactly the
goals and direction of the church, they must at least sense a target on the
horizon. Remember, the definition of a fanatic is “one who redoubles his efforts
when he loses sight of his goal.”
All this presupposes that I as pastor have a clear understanding of that target; if
I cannot decide what I want the church to become, there will be no dynamic to
the church’s ministry. I need to be able to say, “In one year, five years, ten
years, twenty years I want my church to be …” Vision is more caught than
taught, and woe unto the pastor who has no vision to spread.
When I arrived at this church, I decided to first dream dreams without worrying
about how to make them happen. For the initial year, my goal was simple
survival. Within five years I wanted to help the church iron out its problems,
stabilize the budget, and move toward an attendance of forty. By ten years I
wanted to see a self-supporting congregation on firm footings, one I could leave
without its falling apart. After getting the dreams in place, we have worked hard
to make them happen, and we are about two years ahead of the plan.
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Now I’m beginning to revise the picture. As of this writing, we’re looking toward
adding a second pastor in a year, buying property and erecting a building in the
next three years, and reaching 250 in attendance by five years. Then we’ll start
a daughter church. This may have seemed impossible when I began with 15
people and practically no resources, but by now it isn’t just my vision; others
share the dreams with me.
A Thoughtful Presentation
I’m an amateur radio operator, and two stores in my area cater to ham radio
needs. One, about fifty miles away, has a prominently displayed sign that reads:
THIS IS NOT A RADIO CLUB — NO LOITERING. The other, almost twice the distance,
greets you with a pot of coffee and donuts. I drive the extra distance because I
feel welcome there.
Similarly, visitors gauge how friendly a church is by the way it presents itself.
Smaller churches may unknowingly project a negative image. Buildings are
sometimes old, and there’s not always money for proper upkeep. Bulletins and
church literature may look decidedly amateuristic. The people of the church
don’t often see these things because the church is so familiar. Perhaps they
have never known any other standard. However, these clues do not escape the
notice of the first-time visitor. The physical plant and public image communicate
the personality of the church.
Beyond the material considerations stand the people themselves: how they
react to visitors and how they treat each other. No matter how much the church
wants to reach out, growth will not happen if the building and the people fail to
say “Welcome!”
One technique I’ve found helpful in building this awareness is to walk church
members through their building as if they were first-time visitors. I take a small
group a block or so away from the church, give them pencils and note cards,
and try to create a “first-time visitor” mindset for them. Then we “visit” our
church. What does the general appearance of the building and grounds
communicate about the congregation? How at home do they feel? For example,
can they find the rest rooms without having to ask the embarrassing question?
Is the foyer cluttered and messy? Are minor repairs left undone? Do the walls
and posters tell them anything? If one is not a Christian and has seldom been to
church, what would this building say? Would they have any idea where to go or
what they were supposed to do? The unwritten “signs” around the building may
say a lot more than any welcoming committee ever does.
When the group “visited” our building, they found the exterior in sad shape. It
looked as if we were telling the community we weren’t a viable church; if the
building were any indication, we might not be around much longer. However, on
the interior we scored better. Our friendly bulletin boards and displays and the
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inviting coffee pot in the foyer made up for the undumped trash and the woeful
lack of signs indicating rest rooms.
Since then we’ve spruced up our exterior, made sure the trash is dumped
regularly, and posted clear signs to the lavatories. These simple efforts may not
win any souls, but they tell people we are committed to our church and care
about them. And that, combined with our strength of friendliness, may bring
them back to hear the gospel.
I apply the same technique to the Sunday activities. Is any effort made to create
a good impression? Or is too much taken for granted? How many people talk to
visitors? How much time elapses before someone greets newcomers? Does the
church give any impression that it even expects someone new to come? For
one new church I know, meeting in a community center, it took twenty minutes
of deliberate search inside the building for a visitor to find the meeting location!
The church had no signs posted, no ushers at the outside doors — and no
visitors.
I try to extend image-oriented thinking to all the public images our church
projects. What does the Sunday bulletin look like? Although it did cost our
church a bit of money (at a time when we had little to spare), we custom
designed our bulletins. Since bulletins generally go home with people, we
wanted them to carry away a good impression, so we bore the expense. We’ve
had T-shirts professionally designed with our church logo. We use them for
sports, youth activities, vacation Bible school, and other occasions, and it’s
exciting to see them dot the town.
I’ve found that whatever we decide to do — even as a small church — we need

to maintain a sharp image before the community, one that says, “We know what
we’re doing, and we intend to do it well.” People are, after all, bombarded by TV
and print media of the highest quality, and it hits a responsive chord if the
church is professional in its presentation. Would people feel comfortable visiting
a doctor whose office is kept with the carelessness with which many churches
keep their foyers?
This, of course, is not to negate the church’s spiritual ministry role. But with a
little attention to detail and, yes, just a little money, much “pre-evangelism” can
be accomplished with first-time visitors before any words are spoken or any
visits made. And the members themselves begin to take pride in their church as
well.
The determination of salmon swimming upstream to spawn impresses me. I feel

tired just watching them. However, there is no spiritual blessing to be received
by churches fighting their way upstream against feelings of insignificance and
defeat. Effective ministry is difficult enough even in the best of situations.
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I’ve discovered these three principles are neither costly nor difficult to
implement, yet they can help churches overcome self-image deficits.
My father used to tell me, “Work smart, not just hard.” I believe our Father
honors the same concept. By taking a good look at our churches and making
sure some basic principles are at work, we can set the stage for growth and
service in the smaller church that could make even big churches envious.
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MacDonald, Keeping Visitors Coming Back
Don Michael MacDonald, “Keeping Visitors Coming Back.” In LK Weeden (ed),

The Magnetic Fellowship: Reaching and Keeping People (Waco: Word Books,
1988), 143-152.
19. Keeping Visitors Coming Back
Every person needs security. Every person needs to belong. Every

person needs to believe that he or she has influence. Everybody
needs self-esteem. When a church lives up to the potential God has
given it, no organization does these things better (Herb Miller).
What do you do if you discover your Sunday school is actually repelling instead
of attracting visitors? Don Michael McDonald, teacher of an adult class in the
Community Bible Church of San Bernardino, California, had a comfortable,
informative class just like thousands of others, but that’s the question he had to
face. Knowing people join niches and not just churches, he was determined to
find out what was wrong and how to make his niche attractive to newcomers.
As a result of what McDonald learned and put into practice, the class began to
grow about 10 percent each month, and by the end of a year it had reached an
average attendance of sixty-five. Perhaps the best indicator the new strategy
was working was that 80 percent of class visitors returned. Here McDonald
explains what he learned and how he made the turnaround.
David and Beverly stood in the doorway of the adult Sunday school class and
looked over a sea of unfamiliar faces. Beverly had coaxed for weeks to get
David there. Their first child was due in four months, and Beverly wanted that
child to have a church home. David kept citing a bad experience with “religious
people,” but he was finally willing to try church again since they had just moved
to this area.
Maybe this time I’ll meet some nice people, David thought.
Maybe this time, Beverly prayed, someone in there will introduce David to
Jesus.
I shudder to think how many Davids and Beverlys visited our class and walked
away with needs unmet. We didn’t realize it, but we weren’t giving them a
chance.
Our pastor first noticed the problem. He called one evening and asked if I would
join him for breakfast at a local restaurant. “Sure,” I said. “What’s up?”
“We need to talk about the couples class.”
I wasn’t sure what he was driving at. Our class was well established; it had
existed for fifteen of our church’s thirty-five years, and I had taught or co-taught
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the group for eight years. If anything, we were typical. I took up the offering and
taught a Bible lesson. My wife, Judy, did everything else.
As we met that morning, the pastor pointed out that slowly, almost
imperceptibly, our class was losing attendance. In a year’s time our average
attendance had dropped from twenty-five to twenty.
“Growth occurs on the edges,” he said, “and you’re not taking in new people.” I
didn’t have any answers, but then, neither did the pastor. In the following
months, however, as we prayed about and pondered the situation, we came to
several conclusions.
Know Thy Purpose
We had begun a guest book several months earlier. As Judy and I examined it,
we realized many people had visited, but we didn’t recognize any of the names.
None had ever returned! As a matter of fact, we couldn’t think of any regular
attenders who had been coming less than three years.
Why not? I worked hard on those Bible lessons. Our group seemed to enjoy
studying God’s Word and praying together.
We thought about what makes visitors come and realized it is usually because
they have tried the worship hour, liked it, and are looking for deeper
involvement. Bible study happens many places, but accepting new members
begins in Sunday school.
Judy and I set a goal: have one visitor feel accepted and return. We defined
acceptance as never having to feel or say, “I’m an outsider.” With this in mind,
we began to see contradictions between what we wanted and what we did.
Intimate or Accepting?
The class cannot be intimate and accepting at the same time, we found.
Our format felt comfortable. People entered and sat in a semicircle. We took an
offering and asked for announcements, typically someone’s illness and the
need for a few meals to be brought over. Someone else often told of a recent
answer to prayer. This led into conversational prayer and thanksgiving. Next,
we turned to our Bible lesson, continued from the previous week. We closed
with prayer.
Our regular attenders enjoyed the format and grew spiritually with it. But if we
wanted to accept newcomers, something had to change. Our pastor asked one
man why he and his wife didn’t attend our class. The man shook his head. “ I
can’t go in there again. They pray out loud. I can’t do that.” That man didn’t feel
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comfortable praying by himself, much less eavesdropping on the prayers of

people he didn’t know.
Intimacy among old-timers is desirable, but the visitor calls it a clique. We

decided to sacrifice intimacy if it prevented an accepting atmosphere. We knew
scolding the regular attenders would not help. So we began to experiment with
the class format.
We arranged the chairs in small circles and noticed an immediate change in

attendance. We leaped from an average of twenty to twelve. If David and
Beverly had walked through the door then, they would have been afraid to sit
anywhere. If they began a circle, they would have had to sweat it out waiting for
someone else, a stranger, to sit by them. On the other hand, if others were
already seated, David and Beverly would fear taking the seats next to someone
waiting for an old friend. We returned to the “one big arch” arrangement but with
something learned. There are levels of fellowship, and I was asking the people
for too much commitment too soon.
Acceptance One Step at a Time
Acceptance comes when the class offers natural steps to involvement. We

created a progression, repeating it each week in case other newcomers
dropped in.
1. We began with no one seated. A person walking in would see people

standing and sipping coffee or tea, talking from behind the protective shield of a
Styrofoam cup. At the call to order, everyone chose seats (from multiple rows)
at the same time.
2. We required no previous experience with the group. Prearranged

announcements covered only upcoming events and programs. The lesson
began with humor but not inside jokes; locking a visitor out of the punch line is
fatal to growth.
We found singing worked poorly with fewer than thirty, because each person
perceived his or her voice as too conspicuous. When we did sing, we kept
songs simple and made words available, often displaying them up front so
newcomers weren’t the only ones looking at the words.
The lessons did not require knowledge from the previous week. For serial
topics, we began each lesson by summarizing salient points from the previous
lessons.
3. We required no previous experience with the Bible. The text was stated at the
beginning of the lesson. Once people realized they needed Bibles, we offered
them to everyone who did not have them, with the day’s key verse already
marked.
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For those who had brought Bibles, we briefly explained how to find the key
verse. The first time I explained that Psalms was in the middle of the Bible, one
of our regulars laughed. But now our old-timers realize the person next to them
truly may not know.
We geared questions to opinion, personal experience, or what could be

answered solely from the morning’s text.
4. We prepared people for greater participation. I asked people to form small

circles only after they had milled around, chosen seats, and heard some
content. And first I would instruct each person to be prepared to give first and
last names and to answer a simple question about himself or herself. By having
a few seconds to prepare their comments, people were not as apprehensive
about starting conversations.
We had people jot their thoughts before we asked them to talk with the five or
six people they’d just met. Only then did we ask for volunteers to answer the
question before everyone. As a result, timid people began speaking up more.
Sometimes we’d hear, “Mark had a good answer. Go ahead, Mark. Tell him
what you told us.”
5. We discouraged natural group selection. We formed circles by various

methods — parts of town the attenders were from, or birthdays. This kept old
friends from clustering at the expense of newcomers.
In addition, we offered other avenues for meeting needs of deeper intimacy and
Bible study. Regular attenders were encouraged to participate in supplemental
Bible studies. We handled intimate prayer requests through auxiliary prayer
chains. We invited people to join groups of four couples that would get together
once a month for three months. After a while, 50 percent of the regular
attenders were participating continuously.
We encouraged regulars to develop a ministry mentality. Once every five or six

weeks we discussed how to help newcomers: What help do people need when
new in town? What would make a newcomer comfortable in a crowd of
strangers? Why do we structure the class this way? A new couple that Sunday
would catch us talking about them, but the subject was how much we wanted
them. Over the door of the classroom we placed the following acrostic:
TTDCTFLOOC. It stands for “Through this door come the future leaders of our
church.” Regulars know they can no longer assume the person in the next chair
is even a believer.
Our Class Grew
The class may have thought it was just another Sunday the first week a visitor
returned, but Judy and I saw it as God’s answer to our prayer. During the
following months, we had to bring in more chairs. Our average weekly
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attendance began to climb about 10 percent each month. Within five months,
attendance averaged about thirty. When one year had passed, we were sharing
God’s Word with sixty or seventy each week. During that year, 80 percent of
class visitors returned. Some didn’t return, of course, and some regular
attenders left, but for every attender lost we gained four.
If growth had been in numbers only, we could claim no real gain. But our regular
attenders began looking for opportunities to reach out to others and take an
interest in their spiritual needs. Remember the man who said he couldn’t pray
aloud? He attends now, and recently he told Judy and me how he led his son in
prayer for salvation.
Some might object, “But people don’t like changes in our church.” Remember,
our class was in a rut worn fifteen years deep. Even established classes can
change.
Others might object, “But we have no visitors.” We were fortunate to have

occasional drop-ins. One person told me that until recently he had never been
motivated to bring friends. “Why expose them to a situation you know they won’t
like?” An accepting atmosphere helps people risk bringing a friend.
As the class has grown, more people have become involved by necessity. That,
too, makes the class more meaningful to them. Before the change, Judy and I
got tired of doing everything. Now, about 30 percent of the attenders help by
bringing refreshments or leading outside Bible studies. People volunteer when
they see their efforts will count. We first had to demonstrate that something was
happening, that our class had a purpose. We’ve focused ours on acceptance.
“You know,” said David as he and Beverly left the class after visiting a while
ago, “that guy who sat next to me has the same carburetor problem with his car.
I want to talk to him next week.”
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Ratz, Assimilating Newcomers
Calvin Ratz, “Assimilating Newcovers.” In C Ratz, F Tillapaugh & M Augsburger

(eds), Mastering Outreach & Evangelism (Portland: Christianity Today, 1990),
149-165.
20. Assimilating Newcomers
An atmosphere of warmth and acceptance is expressed most

effectively by people who hold no official position, That’s because the
most gratifying welcome a visitor can receive is from someone he
wouldn’t expect to welcome him, in a place he didn’t expect it to
happen.
—Calvin Ratz
Newcomers don’t come with the glue already applied. It’s up to the
congregation to make them stick.
But that’s easier said than done. Experience shows that not everyone who
attends church once wants to return.
Visitors arrive at a church’s doorstep for a variety of reasons. There are

disgruntled church hoppers, unsaved people genuinely seeking either spiritual
or material help, newcomers to town, recent converts, and spiritual prodigals
returning to God. Each comes with a different set of fears and expectations. All
must be handled carefully if they are going to come back a second time.
At times, church insiders fail to realize how intimidated newcomers feel when
attending church. Insiders, familiar with the traditions, the rubrics of worship, the
machinery of church programs, and even the layout of their facilities, tend to
forget that outsiders see these smoothly flowing activities as intimidating
barriers to becoming part of an unfamiliar church.
It’s a Big Job
A study by the White House Office of Consumer Affairs indicates that 96

percent of dissatisfied business customers never take their complaints to the
offending company. In other words, for every complaint a company hears,
twenty-four complaints are never received. The study’s most frustrating finding,
however, is that each of those dissatisfied customers will tell an average of ten
friends about the problem. People who attend church aren’t much different.
I know the reasons some people stick with our church. Those who’ve stayed tell
me about the friendliness, the opportunities for ministry, and the sense of God’s
presence in the services. But how do we find out why others never return?
Moreover, those who don’t return are the worst advertisements for our church in
the community.
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Churches’ track records in getting first-timers back for a second visit aren’t
good. One pastor of a church that works meticulously to follow up visitors, who
even has a secretary assigned to help integrate newcomers, says perhaps 2 to
3 percent of first-timers ever return. Most of us think we’re doing better than
that, but we probably aren’t.
Furthermore, the need to work at assimilation is greater than ever. In particular,

denominational loyalty is eroding. One researcher discovered that of Christians
moving from one city to another, 50 percent switched denominations. Even
within a community, there’s a shopping mall mentality toward church
attendance. People “go where the action is,” regardless of denominational
affiliation. That means transfers aren’t assured.
And assimilating newcomers involves much more than placing warm, friendly
greeters at the door. It’s spiritual conflict. The Devil doesn’t want people in the
church, and with a variety of subtle innuendoes and imagined thoughts, he
works to make people feel they don’t belong. He’s constantly pulling people
away, not only from God, but from the church. Assimilation needs to be a matter
of prayer.
It’s hard to define a successful rate of assimilation. The apostle Paul didn’t keep
everyone. Some who heard him came back only to throw stones. We need to
accept without rancor the fact that not all will consider our church worth joining.
That’s only realistic. But I don’t want to be the cause of someone’s not
returning. Although we’ll never meet everyone’s needs, we can work to make
newcomers feel welcome and to arouse social and spiritual appetites that make
them want to return.
Our family has attended many kinds of churches while on vacation. In the car
after a service, I’ve frequently asked, “If we lived nearby, would you want to go
back to that church?” I’ve heard mixed responses. When I’ve asked why, I’ve
received a string of answers:
“Everyone seemed so happy.”
“Unfriendly.”
“No sense of God’s presence.”
“The place was alive. Everyone was involved.”
“I didn’t know the words to the music.”
“No one showed us where to go!”
“The preacher was cold.”
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“The preacher told some great stories.”
“I felt like everyone was looking at us all the time!”
Looking back at scores of churches I’ve visited, I’ve classified three broad
factors that determine a newcomer’s willingness to return. In management
terms, they are “the critical success factors“: obstacles, atmosphere, and
structure.
Obstacles to Assimilation
A church’s composition, history, or philosophy of ministry can throw up a wall

newcomers have a difficult time scaling. Here are some of the situations a
congregation may face that can place barriers before newcomers.
• Large family networks. In our church, three family circles with a chain of
relationships connect more than 175 people. These networks have their own
social gatherings in which outsiders aren’t included. The Thanksgiving dinner
table has little space for strangers. These families enjoy built-in care. News
about needs spreads internally, apart from the church. Relatives often are so
busy taking care of family needs, little time remains to consider the needs of
outsiders. Such networks can be deadly to assimilating newcomers.
We’ve done two things to deal with this issue. First, we tactfully alerted some in
these families to the potential problems, challenging them to take care to
include outsiders in some of their social gatherings. Second, we’ve outgrown
the family circles with new growth, so they no longer dominate our fellowship.
• Existing friendships. The fellowship of churches known for friendliness and

care can sometimes be difficult to crack. If the energy of the congregation is
given to caring for existing members rather than identifying the needs of
newcomers, love becomes ingrown.
Even pulpit statements about friendliness can irritate newcomers. I remember

visiting one church and hearing the pastor talk about their friendliness. The
church was friendly. I watched people in animated conversations with their
friends, but the whole time, I sat alone on the pew feeling like an ice cube. No
one talked with me. The pastor’s comments and the excited conversations
around me only accentuated the fact I was an outsider and didn’t belong. A time
for greeting newcomers would have structured a way for that church to share
the warmth outside already-established circles.
• Facilities. The design of church buildings, especially poor layout of the foyer
and other entrances, can be an obstacle to a newcomer’s welcome. In some
churches even finding the sanctuary is a challenge. No signs direct you to
entrances, the nursery, or rest rooms. Such inconsideration makes newcomers
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uncomfortable. Indirectly, but forcefully, the church is saying to visitors, “We

weren’t expecting you.”
However, facilities can communicate warmth and friendliness. In order to create

a feeling of intimacy in a large, old building, one small congregation removed
the pews, placed padded chairs in a cozy arrangement, and brought the
platform closer to the congregation. These people knew a small congregation in
a large room makes newcomers feel uncomfortable, so they contrived an
intimate atmosphere, even in a cavernous space.
People respond to crowded facilities in a variety of ways. Some outsiders

interpret a full sanctuary as a good sign. They think, Something’s happening
here, and I want to be a part of it! Others see it as an indication there’s no room
for them and they aren’t needed. Researchers believe a congregation generally
won’t grow above 85 percent of the sanctuary seating capacity. Unless the
church is a going concern in a generally lackluster spiritual community, a
packed sanctuary communicates, “We don’t care to make room for you.”
• A church’s history. Some congregations seem more interested in the past

than in the future. Sermon illustrations and announcements constantly refer to
past events and cherished traditions. Continual references to names of former
members and leaders are meaningless to outsiders and say the church is more
interested in its past heroes than in newcomers.
Even excessive denominationalism can hinder assimilation. People seeking

help today don’t go to a church because it belongs to a historic denomination.
They go because they believe they will receive help.
What people seek is a refreshing alternative to the world outside. No one

returns for a second visit because a denominational flag has been waved; they
come back because they experienced God’s presence and the acceptance of
God’s people.
• Special events. Some folk fail to stick because the event that first attracted
them to the church is not the regular diet of the church. For example, a guest
musician may pull in a crowd, but the crowd he attracts comes with taste buds
for a certain type of music. If the church doesn’t deliver that type of ministry on a
regular basis, the person feels hungry.
Generally, people expect as a norm the kind of ministry that first attracted them
to a church. This, of course, is one of the major problems in integrating new
converts who’ve come through TV and radio ministries. Normal church life
doesn’t match expectations caused by the media ministry. People attracted to a
church by special events likely will stick only if the kind of ministry that first
attracted them is sustained—a difficult undertaking.
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• Philosophy of ministry. If the pastor or congregation believes church life is

generated from the platform on Sunday morning, integration means getting as
many people into the sanctuary for Sunday mornings as possible. In such
situations, allegiance is to the pastor and not the congregation. Both strong
pulpiteers and flamboyant personalities can build a following, but they may be
only attracting a crowd, not assimilating members into a church body.
If, however, a church’s ministry emphasizes interaction among members and

shared ministry, integration means providing facilities and programs for people
to build friendships and to become involved in service. Church life is what
happens among members, as well as in the public worship service.
A woman was converted and started attending our services regularly. Her
husband drove her to church each week and picked her up afterward. The first
time he attended a service at our church, he said, “You people are so different.
You never want to leave the church. Church is something you do together. In
my church, I go to Mass as a stranger. I can be a good Catholic and not know
anyone else in the church, let alone talk to anyone. You can’t do that in your
church!”
Ministry of the body is as important as ministry on the platform, not only for
nurturing the saints, but also for assimilating new members.
• A reputation of tension. Strife between members is picked up quickly by

newcomers. And animosity is a poor advertisement. Newcomers want no part of
a church torn by dissension.
A while back I was called to mediate a church fight in a small but divided
congregation. A visitor from that community who had attended just one service
told me about his icy reception and how both sides viewed him suspiciously.
During the following week he was visited by members of both sides in the
dispute, each trying to recruit him to their side. Naturally, he never went back.
The answer, of course, is an emphasis on forgiveness and reconciliation. A torn

church cannot weave in new members. Until strife becomes the exception
rather than the way of life, the church cannot expect to attract and hold new
members.
• Confusing service styles. Visitors often feel uneasy when they first attend
church. They’re on strange turf. Much of what we do in our services, though
familiar to members, is intimidating to visitors. An expressive worship style
frightens someone who doesn’t understand; a highly liturgical service loses the
uninitiated. Choruses sung without a hymnal exclude newcomers unless the
words are printed in the bulletin or projected on a screen.
Our Sunday morning service includes the reading of Scripture. While most of
our people bring their Bibles, visitors often don’t. Therefore, we print the
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Scripture passage in the bulletin so outsiders aren’t excluded. (It also solves the
“Which translation?” issue.)
Offerings may make visitors suspect that the church only wants money. So,
during the offering at special events, where we have a significant number of
outsiders, I usually say, “If you are a visitor, you’re our guest, and there’s no
obligation for you to participate in the offering. However, this is one way the
people of our own congregation express their worship to God.”
Even during our recent building program, I said little about money from the
pulpit. Our special appeals were made primarily through literature we mailed.
Many people new to our church have commented on how they were initially
impressed by our financial discretion.
• Class and cultural distinctions. There are rich and poor people. There are
retirement communities, university communities, and working-class
communities. There are farm towns, inner-city ghettos, and suburbs. People
aren’t all the same. Even if they speak English, they don’t all talk the same
language. And while those differences shouldn’t affect how people interact, they
do make a difference in how comfortable outsiders feel when they come into a
church.
Some churches try to be all things to all people. But most churches have
difficulty providing an environment in which everyone feels comfortable. Usually
one social culture dominates.
The solution is to sensitize insiders, gently and consistently, to the need to

make everyone welcome, while recognizing that a church’s growth likely will
reflect its cultural and social composition.
• Poor attitudes. Perhaps the greatest obstacle to newcomers’ integration is

the attitude of insiders. Not everyone is as blunt as one person who told me,
“Pastor, our church is big enough. We really don’t need any more folk in our
church!”
Negative attitudes toward outsiders come from many quarters. Church power
brokers, fearing a threat to their power base, may resist newcomers. Existing
members can resent the financial cost of providing space and staff to care for
the needs of newcomers. Church pioneers can withdraw emotional support from
the church. No matter how strong the appeal from the leadership, such
attitudes, even if expressed by few, freeze newcomers out of the church.
We sensitize the congregation to newcomers by including them on church

committees. Obviously senior leadership positions require a record of
faithfulness in the church. However, we’ve worked at including at least one
relatively new person on as many committees as possible. The new persons’
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interaction in the committees is a refreshing reminder to oldtimers that

newcomers think differently and must be taken into consideration.
All these obstacles hinder assimilation. Not every church will suffer from all
these problems, but every church does well to consider which might be
insidiously holding back the integration of newcomers as productive and
growing members.
An Atmosphere of Acceptance
Another critical factor in holding newcomers is atmosphere. Some churches

exude an atmosphere that says, “Visitors are welcome here.” It doesn’t derive
from handouts or slogans. It’s not particularly what happens up front, though
that helps. It’s an air that permeates the whole congregation, an intangible that
says to first-timers, “We’ve been expecting you, and we’re glad you’ve come.”
Growing churches are service oriented rather than product oriented. In the
words of Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager, “Large and small
companies alike are learning that in today’s competitive marketplace, it is often
good service—not product superiority or low pricing—that determines success.”
In other words, it’s not the companies with the best products that succeed, it’s
those who take the best care of their customers that become profitable.
The same can be said of the church. Growing churches make a commitment to
meet the needs of newcomers. They create an environment where everything is
designed with the newcomer’s experience in mind. They remember the
humanness of their visitors.
As the pastor assigned to do most of the preaching, I can become so caught up

in sermon preparation and delivery that I forget the needs of the very people the
sermon addresses. That’s like a quarterback trying to complete a pass while
eyeing the score-board. The sermon and other aspects of the church’s ministry
need to focus on the quality of the newcomer’s social and spiritual experiences,
providing the subtle yet overriding message: “Newcomers are wanted and
needed here.”
How is that done? For one, by pastors when they tune vocabulary to outsiders;
when ordinances are explained in the language of nonchurched people; when
the leadership style is warm, personable, and conversational. There’s what a
friend of mine calls “pas-toring from the pulpit.”
He says he accomplishes in those moments some of the pastoral care he is

unable to achieve throughout the week. He also says it’s the time in the service
when visitors come alive. His vulnerability and openness as he chats pastorally
with the congregation partially breaks down the barrier between the pew and
pulpit that newcomers often feel.
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The atmosphere of warmth and acceptance, however, is expressed most

effectively by people who hold no official position. That’s because the most
gratifying welcome a visitor can receive is from someone he wouldn’t expect to
welcome him, in a place he didn’t expect it to happen. It may be a warm
comment by the person in the next pew. It might be several smiles and a lot of
eye contact in the foyer before the service. Certainly there’s touch. We may not
kiss as they did in New Testament days, but at least as the Phillips translation
puts it, there should be “a handshake all around!” Welcoming isn’t just
something done at the door; it’s something everyone does all over the building.
Such an atmosphere can’t be structured, but it can be fostered. Here are some
things we encourage to create an atmosphere of warmth.
We have men directing traffic on our parking lot as people arrive for services.
This not only heads off a lot of confusion, it also tells newcomers we want to
make it easy for them to find their way. There’s a warm smile even before
people get out of their cars.
Several people are assigned to minister in the church foyer. Our greeters shake
as many hands as possible. Others, our hosts and hostesses, watch especially
for visitors. They’re prepared to answer visitors’ questions and to give
directions. They also attempt to get first-timers to sign the guest book or a
visitor’s card. We also have a staffed information counter. In addition, we train
our ushers how to be friendly and sensitive to outsiders.
Assigning at least one or two staff members to serve in the foyer—before,

during, and after every service—has been our most productive means of
identifying and welcoming visitors. The presence of a pastor in the foyer models
the atmosphere we want. In fact, the staff person primarily responsible for the
integration of newcomers has been dubbed “pastor of the foyer.”
Two other methods help foster the atmosphere we seek. First, I talk about
visitors often. I use them in sermon illustrations. I remind the congregation how
uncomfortable visitors may feel. I liken our congregation to the staff of a large
department store. We’re there to serve newcomers.
Second, during a time for greeting in our services, we suggest people welcome
at least six to eight people. I encourage people to start their greeting with the
words, “Hi! I’m _________.” There’s something personable about a first name.
It also saves embarrassment by helping people learn the names of others in the
congregation.
Structured to Include
What happens if people like the atmosphere of a congregation but then find no
group of people with whom they can relate? Churches of all sizes share this
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woe. Small churches sometimes become cliquish or ingrown. Larger churches

may seem impersonal, making the newcomer feel insignificant.
But this need not be a problem if a structure is in place to identify and place
newcomers into smaller groupings in which they can minister and find a place of
belonging.
Several years ago we adopted Peter Wagner’s concept of “celebration,

congregation, and cell.” Basically, the idea is that the Sunday morning
celebration can continue to grow indefinitely if two other groupings exist within
the church. In addition to the Sunday celebration (everybody gathered for
worship), there needs to be a number of both congregations (a subgrouping of
forty to one hundred people) and small, intimate cells (informal networks of
friends; intimate, task-oriented groups; or structured small-group gatherings).
We’ve paid particular attention to building the congregations; they’ve been

invaluable for integrating newcomers. These groupings are large enough not to
intimidate newcomers, yet small enough for them to get to know others. We’re
convinced that if we can get newcomers into one of these congregations,
there’s a high probability they’ll remain in our web of love.
We have about thirty of these congregations, some based on fellowship, some

on special interests, and some on ministry. For instance, each of the choirs is a
congregation. The workers of many of our programs also become little
congregations in which there is a network of friendships and accountability.
Our most important congregations for integrating newcomers are our age-
divided adult fellowship groups. We’ve divided our church by ten-year age
spans and placed each person in one of these congregations. Each has its own
lay leader and committee as well as its own pastor. These groups meet weekly
as Sunday school classes, hold regular social activities, and provide a caring
ministry for the needy within the group.
But how do we channel people into these congregations?
Assimilating churches build structures that ensure newcomers are identified,

cared for, and integrated into the fabric of the church. Here’s how we go about
it.
• Identifying newcomers. We identify newcomers in a variety of ways.

Counselors fill in response cards for those who respond to an altar call.
Greeters and hosts get names, and addresses if possible. They’re trained to
write down the names so they’re not forgotten. During services we ask each
visitor to fill in an information card. Pastors working in the foyer carry visitor
cards that they fill in on the spot.
Some newcomers don’t want to be spotlighted; it’s the anonymity of a larger

church that attracts them in the first place. So we try not to overpower them. But
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we know that if we don’t get a name and phone number or address, our
chances of holding and helping visitors is greatly diminished.
One yardstick of success for a Sunday is the number of new names and
addresses of first-timers we gamer. New names and addresses are our prime
contacts for ministry through the week. Without those names and addresses,
midweek ministry to newcomers suffers.
One interesting source of information about newcomers is our offering

envelopes. It’s amazing that with all our efforts to contact visitors, some are
missed. Yet some not only keep attending, they also start using offering
envelopes! Our bookkeeper alerts us to these people.
• Making midweek contact. Follow-up ministry starts Monday morning. My

secretary helps me send a letter of welcome to every visitor. For a while, we
didn’t send the letter to out-of-town visitors, but now we do. We discovered
some out-of-towners were in the process of moving to our city, and it was
important to give these visitors a feeling that they were noticed and appreciated.
A staff member processes these names on Monday and Tuesday. He makes an

initial phone call, welcoming the people to our church and asking if it would be
possible for someone from the church to make a call at the home. He attempts
to gain further information, such as the approximate age of the adults and ages
of children. He completes a family information form as the call is being made.
Following the call, this pastor may visit the family or assign it to one of the other
pastors. He matches the family with the most suitable staff member, taking into
account age, spiritual need, and special interests.
Copies of the family information sheet are shared during our staff meeting on
Wednesday mornings. From that point, one pastor is assigned and responsible
for each newcomer. In addition, we see that the appropriate lay leaders in the
youth department, ministry programs, and Sunday school are notified of the
new family.
Each of our adult fellowship groups has lay members who assist in the ministry
of integration. Each pastor works with his lay leaders to watch for recent
newcomers on Sunday, make midweek contact, invite them to informal coffee
gatherings, and introduce them to other members of the class.
• Maintaining a newcomers’ directory. We keep all newcomers in a separate

directory for six months. This list is reviewed at staff meetings, and pastors
report on people’s progress. After six months on the list, a decision is made to
(1) place the name in the church directory as an assimilated family, (2) delete
the name as someone unlikely to come back, or (3) leave the name on the
newcomers list for another six months since their status is still undetermined.
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• Providing a “Welcome to the Family Class.” This class is an invaluable tool

for making newcomers feel a part of the church. It’s promoted as a class for all
newcomers, not just new converts.
I lead this class during the Sunday school hour. We believe newcomers are
attracted to a class led by someone with a high profile in the worship service.
Two lay couples also work with me, befriending and encouraging newcomers.
The class is a relaxed and informal opportunity to get acquainted. Over coffee,
we try to make newcomers feel at ease in the church. The content of the class
varies depending on who is present. We spend a great deal of time prompting
and then answering questions about what we believe and how our church
functions. Over a six- to eight-week period, we cover the basic teachings and
practices of the church.
I spend considerable time outlining how the church functions and how to build
church friendships. Mostly, I watch for specific needs, spiritual problems, and
questions newcomers may have. Through our lay leaders, we reach out to meet
these needs. We strongly encourage people to become involved in the church’s
activities, stressing that friendships are built as a byproduct of doing things
together.
After someone has attended the class about two months, our lay leaders
introduce the person to the lay leaders of the appropriate adult fellowship group
and the pastor assigned to that group. Responsibility for integration is passed
from the Welcome to the Family Class to the adult fellowship group.
Newcomers are encouraged to attend Sunday school.
Each convert is encouraged also to attend one of the midweek home fellowship
groups especially designed for new Christians. Each newcomer who is not a
new Christian is introduced to the leader or host of one of our regular
Neighborhood Bible Study groups.
• Integrating into ministry. We believe it’s critical for newcomers to become

involved in the church’s ministry as quickly as possible. In fact, we feel that until
newcomers assume some ministry responsibility, they won’t feel emotionally
one with us. They will think of the church as “them” rather than “us.”
Newcomers must not feel only wanted, they also must feel needed. Some
people think that as a church grows larger, there’s less opportunity to be
involved in ministry. That’s just not the case. A while back, we surveyed our
congregational involvement in ministry and discovered there were 995 ministry
jobs being done by 602 people. That’s a vast army. Yet we easily could use
another 150 workers today.
The key is to let the newcomer become involved in meaningful ministry. I want
newcomers to expect to make a significant contribution to our ministries.
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So we talk regularly about ministry opportunities. We highlight what’s being

done. We share our vision. We explain the diversity of ways people can become
involved. Though critical recruiting is done individually, from time to time we
encourage the congregation to fill in a ministry opportunity sheet. These sheets
are of little value for longstanding members, but they give newcomers an
opportunity to express their interests.
The Ones Who Stick
Some people don’t want to be integrated into any church. They may lack a
basic commitment to God, and no amount of friendliness will make them stay.
Others bear the imprint of our culture that recoils from commitment to anything.
Such people drift through every congregation. Seeing them fall away can be
disappointing, especially when we work so hard to show them the challenge
and benefits of commitment to a local church.
The thrill of pastoring, however, is to look over a congregation on Sunday

morning and see the people who have come and been helped and assimilated.
—Glen decided to become a Christian at a drama presentation. Today, he’s an

usher.
—Phyllis was delivered from an oppressive spiritual environment. Today she

works in one of our children’s ministries.
—Paul accepted Christ in my office. He’s active in the church with his wife and
two children.
—Russ and Cathy prayed for forgiveness and salvation with me in a restaurant
over lunch. They became involved in our sound ministry.
—Ed and Karen felt they were part of the church when they were asked to
serve on one of our adult fellowship committees.
These special souls—and a host of others—are all part of each Sunday’s

celebration. They’re there, not because of a specific program but as a result of
an entire congregation spinning a web of love—a web that helps newcomers
stick.
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Warren, Turning Members into Ministers
Rick Warren, The Purpose-Driven Church (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995),

365-381.
21. Turning Members into Ministers
We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to

do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to
do.
Ephesians 2:10
…to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that

the body of Christ may be built up.
Ephesians 4:12
Napoleon once pointed to a map of China and said, “There lies a sleeping giant.
If it ever wakes up, it will be unstoppable.” I believe the church is a sleeping
giant. Each Sunday, church pews are filled with members who are doing
nothing with their faith except “keeping” it.
The designation “active” member in most churches means those who attend
regularly and financially support the church. Not much more is expected. But
God has far greater expectations for every Christian. He expects every
Christian to use his or her gifts and talents in ministry. If we can ever awaken
and unleash the massive talent, resources, creativity, and energy lying dormant
in the typical local church, Christianity will explode with growth at an
unprecedented rate.
The greatest need in evangelical churches is the release of members for

ministry. A Gallup survey discovered that only 10 percent of American church
members are active in any kind of personal ministry and that 50 percent of all
church members have no interest in serving in any ministry. Think about that!
No matter how much a church promotes involvement in lay ministry, half of its
members will remain spectators. These are the people who say, “I just don’t feel
led to get involved.” (Actually, it’s another kind of “lead” —in the seat of their
pants!)
The encouraging news that Gallup uncovered is this: 40 percent of all members
have expressed an interest in having a ministry, but they have never been
asked or they don’t know how. This group is an untapped gold mine! If we can
mobilize this 40 percent and add them to the current 10 percent already serving,
your church could have 50 percent of its members active in a ministry. Wouldn’t
you be happy if half of your church were fully functioning lay ministers? Most
pastors would think they had died and gone to heaven if that occurred.
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While large churches have many advantages over smaller churches, one thing I
greatly dislike about them is that it is easy for talent to hide in the crowd. Unless
they take the initiative to reveal their giftedness or expertise, talented members
could be sitting in the crowd every week and you will have no idea what they
are capable of doing. This worries and deeply disturbs me, because talent that
sits on the shelf will rot from disuse. Like a muscle, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose
it.
I was talking to some people on the patio after a service once and I mentioned
that we really needed someone to create a multimedia videotape for an event.
The person I was talking to said, “Why don’t you get her?” and pointed to a
woman standing a few feet away. I walked over to the woman, found out her
name, and asked what she did. She replied, “I’m the chief video production
director for Walt Disney.” She had been attending for about a year.
Another time, I mentioned that we needed a flower designer to decorate our tent
for Mother’s Day. Someone pointed out a person in the crowd to me and said,
“He designs many of the prize-winning floats for the Rose Parade.” It scares me
to realize that talent like that could go unused due to my ignorance.
Your church will never be any stronger than its core of lay ministers who carry
out the various ministries of the church. Every church needs an intentional, well-
planned system for uncovering, mobilizing, and supporting the giftedness of its
members. You must set up a process to lead people to deeper commitment and
greater service for Christ—one that will move your members from the
committed circle into your core of lay ministers. On our Life Development
Process diagram we call this “getting people to third base.”
Most evangelical churches believe in the concept that every member is a

minister. Many even give it a major emphasis in their preaching and teaching.
Still, most members do nothing but attend and give. What does it take to turn an
audience into an army? How do you transform spectators into participators? In
this chapter I want to explain the system we’ve set up to equip, empower, and
release our members for ministry.
Teach the Biblical Basis for Every-Member Ministry
I’ve tried to emphasize in this book the importance of laying a biblical foundation
for everything you do. People always need to know “why” before you teach
them “how.” Invest time in teaching your members the biblical basis for lay
ministry. Then teach it in classes, sermons, seminars, home Bible studies, and
any other way you can emphasize it. In fact, you should never stop teaching on
the importance of every Christian having a ministry.
We have summarized what we believe about ministry in a Ministry Mission

Statement. Based on Romans 12:1-8, we believe the church is built on four
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pillars of lay ministry. We teach these four pillar truths over and over again so
that they will be deeply ingrained in the hearts of our members.
Pillar #1: Every believer is a minister
Every believer isn’t a pastor, but every believer is called into ministry. God calls
all believers to minister to the world and the church. Service in the body isn’t
optional for Christians. In God’s army, there are no volunteers—he’s drafted all
of us into service.
To be a Christian is to be like Jesus. Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man did
not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”
(Mark 10:45, italics added). Service and giving are the defining characteristics
of the Christlike lifestyle expected of every believer.
At Saddleback, we teach that every Christian is created for ministry (see Eph.
2:10), saved for ministry (see 2 Tim. 1:9), called into ministry (see 1 Peter 2:9-
10), gifted for ministry (see 1 Peter 4:10), authorized for ministry (see Matt.
28:18-20), commanded to minister (see Matt. 20:26-28), to be prepared for
ministry (see Eph. 4:11-12), needed for ministry (see 1 Cor. 12:27), accountable
for ministry, and will be rewarded according to his or her ministry (see Col. 3:23-
24).
Pillar #2. Every ministry is important
There are no “little people” in the body of Christ, and there are no “insignificant”
ministries. Every ministry is important.
God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as
he wanted them to be.... The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need
you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the
contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are
indispensable (1 Cor. 12:18-22).
Some ministries are visible and some are behind the scenes, but all are equally
valuable. At SALT, our monthly ministry training rally, we emphasize and
recognize all of our ministries equally
Small ministries often make the greatest difference. The most important light in
my home is not the large chandelier in our dining room but the little nightlight
that keeps me from stubbing my toe when I get up to use the bathroom at night.
It’s small, but it’s more useful to me than the show-off light. (My wife says that
my favorite light is the one that comes on when I open the refrigerator!)
Pillar #3: We are dependent on each other
Not only is every ministry important, every ministry is also intertwined with all
the others. No ministry is independent of the others. Since no single ministry
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can accomplish all the church is called to do, we must depend on and
cooperate with each other. Like a jigsaw puzzle, each piece is required to
complete the picture. You always notice the missing piece first.
When one part of your body malfunctions, the other parts don’t work as well.
One of the missing components in the contemporary church is this
understanding of interdependence. We must work together. Our culture’s
preoccupation with individualism and independence must be replaced with the
biblical concepts of interdependence and mutuality.
Pillar #4: Ministry is the expression of my SHAPE
This is a distinctive of Saddleback’s teaching on ministry. SHAPE is an acronym

I developed years ago to explain the five elements (spiritual gifts, heart, abilities,
personality, and experiences) that determine what a person’s ministry should
be.
When God created animals, he gave each of them a specific area of expertise.
Some animals run, some hop, some swim, some burrow, and some fly. Each
animal has a particular role to play based on the way they were shaped by God.
The same is true with humans. Each of us was uniquely designed, or shaped,
by God to do certain things.
Wise stewardship of your life begins by understanding your shape. You are
unique, wonderfully complex, a composite of many different factors. What God
made you to be determines what he intends for you to do. Your ministry is
determined by your makeup.
If you don’t understand your shape, you end up doing things that God never
intended or designed you to do. When your gifts don’t match the role you play in
life, you feel like a square peg in a round hole. This is frustrating, both to you
and to others. Not only does it produce limited results, it is also an enormous
waste of your talents, time, and energy.
God is consistent in his plan for our lives. He would not give each of us inborn
abilities, temperaments, talents, spiritual gifts, and life experiences and then not
use them! By identifying and understanding the five SHAPE factors, we can
discover God’s will for our lives—the unique way he intends for each of us to
serve him. When it comes to ministry your function flows out of the way God
formed you.
God has been molding and shaping you for ministry since you were born. In
fact, God began shaping you before you were born:
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them
together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so
wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is
marvelous—and how well I know it. You were there while I was being
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formed in utter seclusion! You saw me before I was born and

scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. (Psalm
139:13-16 LB)
1. Spiritual gifts. The Bible clearly teaches that God gives each believer
certain spiritual gifts to be used in ministry (see 1 Cor. 12; Rom. 8; Eph. 4).
However, spiritual gifts are only one part of the picture. Spiritual gifts are often
overemphasized to the neglect of other equally important factors. Natural
abilities that you were born with also came from God. So did your experiences
and inborn personality traits. Spiritual gifts reveal a part of God’s will for your
ministry, but not all of it.
Most churches say, “Discover your spiritual gift and then you’ll know what
ministry you’re supposed to have.” This is backwards. I believe the exact
opposite: Start experimenting with different ministries and then you’ll discover
your gifts! Until you actually get involved in serving, you’re not going to know
what you’re good at. You can read all the books in print and still be confused
about what you are gifted to do.
I do not place much stock in the many “spiritual gift inventories” or tests that are
available today. In the first place, inventories and tests require standardization,
which denies the unique way God works in every life. Those who have the gift
of evangelism in our church may express it much differently than Billy Graham
expresses his gift of evangelism. Second, there are no definitions of most of the
spiritual gifts listed in the New Testament, so today’s definitions are arbitrary,
highly speculative, and usually represent a denominational bias.
A third problem is that the more mature a believer becomes, the more he or she
is likely to manifest the characteristics of a number of gifts. He may demonstrate
a servant’s heart, or she may demonstrate liberal giving, out of maturity rather
than giftedness.
When I was a teenager, I took a spiritual gift inventory and discovered the only
gift I had was martyrdom! I thought, “Oh, great. That’s the gift you get to use
only one time.” I could have taken a hundred gift tests and never discovered I
was gifted at preaching and teaching. It would have never occurred to me
because I had never done it. It was only after I began accepting opportunities to
speak that I saw the results, received confirmation from others, and realized,
“God has gifted me to do this!”
2. Heart. The Bible uses the term heart to represent the center of your
motivation, desires, interests, and inclinations. Your heart determines why you
say the things you do (see Matt. 12:34), why you feel the way you do (see Ps.
37:4), and why you act the way you do (see Prov. 4:23).
Physiologically, each of us has a unique heartbeat. Each person’s heart beats

in a slightly different pattern. Likewise, God has given each of us a unique
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emotional “heartbeat” that races when we encounter activities, subjects, or

circumstances that interest us. We instinctively feel deeply about some things
and not about others. Another word for heart is passion. There are certain
subjects that you feel passionate about and others you couldn’t care less about.
That is an expression of your heart.
Your God-given motivational bent serves as an internal guidance system for

your life. It determines what interests you and what will bring you the most
satisfaction and fulfillment. It also motivates you to pursue certain activities,
subjects, and environments. Don’t ignore your natural interests. People rarely
excel at tasks they don’t enjoy doing. High achievers are most often those who
enjoy what they do.
God had a purpose in giving you your inborn interests. Your emotional
heartbeat reveals a very important key to understanding his intentions for your
life. God gave you your heart, but it is your choice to use it for good or evil, for
selfish reasons or to serve God and others. First Samuel 12:20 says, “... serve
the Lord with all your heart.”
3. Abilities. Abilities are the natural talents that you were born with. Some
people have a natural ability with words: They come out of the womb talking!
Other people have natural athletic abilities: They excel in physical coordination.
(All the basketball coaching in the world will never allow you to match the talent
of Michael Jordan on the court.) Some people are naturally good with numbers:
They think mathematically and can’t understand why you don’t understand
calculus!
Exodus 31:3 gives an example of how God gives people “skill, ability and
knowledge in all kinds of crafts” in order to accomplish his purposes. In this
case, it was artistic ability to be used in building the tabernacle. It’s interesting to
me that musical talent is not listed as a “spiritual gift,” but it certainly is a natural
ability God uses in worship. It is also interesting that God gives people the
ability to make money: “But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives
you the ability to produce wealth” (Deut. 8:18).
One of the most common excuses people give for not getting involved in
ministry is that they just don’t have any abilities to offer. Nothing could be farther
from the truth: Many national studies have proven that the average person
possesses from five hundred to seven hundred skills! The real problem is
twofold.
First, people need some process of skill identification. Most people are using
abilities that they are unaware that they have. Second, they need a process to
help them match their abilities with the right ministry.
There are people in your church who have all kinds of abilities that are not being
put to use: recruiting, researching, writing, landscaping, interviewing, promoting,
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decorating, planning, entertaining, repairing, drawing, even cooking. These

abilities should not be wasted. “There are different kinds of service, but the
same Lord” (1 Cor. 12:5).
4. Personality. It’s obvious that God does not use a cookie cutter to create
people. He loves variety. He made introverts and extroverts. He made people
who love routine and those who love variety. He made some people “thinkers”
and others “feelers.” He made people who work best when given an individual
assignment, and some who work better with a team.
The Bible gives us plenty of proof that God uses all types of personalities. Peter
had a sanguine personality. Paul had a choleric personality. And Jeremiah’s
personality was definitely melancholy. When you look at the personality
differences in the twelve disciples Jesus selected, it’s easy to understand why
they sometimes had interpersonal conflict!
There is no “right” or “wrong” temperament for ministry. We need all kinds of

personalities to balance the church and give it flavor. The world would be a very
boring place if we were all plain vanilla. Fortunately, people come in more than
thirty-one flavors.
Your personality will affect how and where you use your spiritual gifts and
abilities. For instance, two people may have the same gift of evangelism, but if
one is introverted and the other is extroverted, that gift will be expressed in
different ways.
Woodworkers know that it’s easier to work with the grain than against it. In the
same way, when you are forced to minister in a manner that is out of character
for your temperament, it creates tension and discomfort, requires extra effort
and energy, and produces less than the best results. This is why mimicking
someone else’s ministry never works – you don’t have their personality. God
made you to be you! You can learn from the examples of others, but you must
filter the lessons you learn through your own shape.
When you minister in a manner that is consistent with the personality God gave
you, you will experience fulfillment, satisfaction, and fruitfulness. It feels good
when you do exactly what God made you to do.
5. Experiences. God never wastes an experience. Romans 8:28 reminds us,

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who
have been called according to his purpose.”
At Saddleback, we help people consider five areas of experience that will

influence the kind of ministry they are best shaped for: (1) Educational
experiences: What were your favorite subjects in school? (2) Vocational
experiences: What jobs have you enjoyed and achieved results while doing? (3)
Spiritual experiences: What have been the meaningful or decisive times with
God in your life? (4) Ministry experiences: How have you served God in the
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past? and (5) Painful experiences: What are the problems, hurts, and trials that
you’ve learned from?
Because your shape was sovereignly determined by God for his purpose, you
shouldn’t resent it or reject it. “What right have you, a human being, to cross-
examine God? The pot has no right to say to the potter: Why did you make me
this shape? Surely a potter can do what he likes with the clay?” (Rom. 9:20-21
JB). Instead of trying to reshape yourself to be like someone else, you should
celebrate the shape God has given you.
You will be most effective and fulfilled in ministry when you use your spiritual
gifts and abilities in the area of your heart’s desire in a way that best expresses
your personality and experiences. Fruitfulness is the result of a good ministry fit.
(If you are interested in a more detailed explanation of SHAPE, you may want to
hear my tape series “You Are Shaped for Significance.”)
Streamline Your Organizational Structure
The next step in building your lay ministry, after teaching the biblical basis for it,
is to streamline your organizational structure. One major reason many church
members aren’t active in ministry is because they are so busy attending
meetings that they have no time left for real ministry. I’ve often wondered what
we’d have left in Christianity if we cut out all the meetings. After all, Jesus did
not say, “I have come that you might have meetings.” But if you ask typical
unchurched people what they notice most about their Christian neighbors’
lifestyles, they are likely to say, “They go to a lot of meetings.” Is this what we
want to be known for?
My guess is that the average church would be healthier if it eliminated half of its
meetings to allow more time for ministry and relational evangelism. One of the
reasons church members don’t witness to their neighbors is because they don’t
know them! They are always at church, attending meetings.
A few years ago, the Roper Organization did a survey of leisure time in
America. They discovered that Americans have less discretionary time in the
1990s than they had in the 1970s. The average American had 26.2 hours a
week in leisure time in; 1973. By 1987, it had dropped to 16.6 hours per week, a
loss of 10 hours a week in leisure time. Today it is even lower.
The most valuable asset people can give to your church is their time. Since
people have less discretionary time, we’d better make sure we use their time in
the best way when they offer it. If a layperson comes to me and says, “Pastor, I
have four hours a week to give to my church in ministry,” the last thing I would
do would be to put him on some committee. I want to get him involved in
ministry, not maintenance.
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Teach your people the difference between maintenance and ministry.

Maintenance is “church work”: budgets, buildings, organizational matters, and
so forth. Ministry is “the work of the church.” The more people you involve in
maintenance decisions, the more you waste their time, keep them from ministry,
and create opportunities for conflict. Maintenance work also conditions people
to think that their responsibility is fulfilled by simply voting on church business.
A common mistake made by many churches is to take their brightest and best
people and turn them into bureaucrats by giving them more meetings to attend.
You can drain the life out of people by scheduling a constant string of
committee meetings. We have no committees at Saddleback. We do, however,
have seventy-nine different lay ministries.
What is the difference between a committee and a lay ministry? Committees

discuss it, but ministries do it. Committees argue, ministries act. Committees
maintain, ministries minister. Committees talk and consider, ministries serve
and care. Committees discuss needs, ministries meet needs.
Committees also make decisions that they expect other people to implement. At
Saddleback, the implementers are the decision makers. The people who do the
ministry get to make their own decisions about that ministry. We do not
separate authority from responsibility, but trust people with both. This makes
committees irrelevant. We don’t give decision-making authority to those who
don’t minister.
Who, then, does the maintenance at Saddleback? The paid staff does it. This
way we don’t waste any of our members’ valuable time. People really
appreciate the fact that the time they volunteer is given to actual ministry.
I’m sure you realize how radical this approach is. Saddleback is structured in
the exact opposite way of most churches. In the typical church, the members
handle the maintenance (administration) of the church and the pastor is
supposed to do all the ministry. No wonder the church can’t grow! The pastor
becomes a bottleneck. There is no way one man can minister to all the needs in
a church. He will eventually burn out or have to move to another church for
relief.
It is not within the scope of this book for me to share all my convictions about
biblical church structure. (The details are included in a tape called “Simple
Structure.”) But let me just ask you to consider this question: What do the words
committees, elections, majority rule, boards, board members, parliamentary
procedures, voting, and vote have in common? None of these words are found
in the New Testament! We have imposed an American form of government on
the church and, as a result, most churches are as bogged down in bureaucracy
as our government is. It takes forever to get anything done. Man-made
organizational structures have prevented more churches from healthy growth
than any of us could imagine.
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While the kind of structure a church has does not cause growth, it does control
the rate and the size of the growth. And every church must eventually decide
whether it is going to be structured for control or structured for growth. This is
one of the most crucial decisions your church will ever face. For your church to
grow, both the pastor and the people must give up control: The people must
give up control of the leadership, and the pastor must give up control of the
ministry. Otherwise either party can become a bottleneck for growth.
Once a church grows beyond about 500 people, no single person or board can
know everything that’s going on in the church. I haven’t known about everything
that happens at Saddleback for years. I don’t need to know about it all! You
might ask, “Then how do you, control it?” My answer is: “I don’t. It’s not my job
to control the church. It’s my job to lead it.” There is a very big difference
between leading and controlling. Our pastors and staff are responsible to keep
the church doctrinally sound and headed in the right direction, but the day-to-
day decisions are made by the people actually doing the ministries of the
church.
If you are serious about mobilizing your members for ministry, you must
streamline your structure to maximize ministry and minimize maintenance. The
more organizational machinery your church sets up, the more time, energy, and
money it takes to maintain it—precious time, energy, and money that could be
invested in ministry to people instead.
If you release people for ministry and relieve them of the maintenance, you’ll
create a far happier, more harmonious church with a much higher morale.
Fulfillment comes from ministry, not maintenance. Having God use you to
change lives will change your whole attitude.
In a war, you always find the highest morale and sense of camaraderie among
those serving on the front line. You don’t have time to argue and complain when
you’re dodging bullets. Ten miles back, however, soldiers in the rear echelon
grumble about the food, the showers, and the lack of entertainment. The
conditions aren’t nearly as bad as those on the front line, but people are critical
because they’re not occupied with the battle. When I meet cantankerous and
critical Christians, I usually discover that they’re not involved in a ministry. The
biggest complainers in any church are usually committee members with nothing
else to do.
In those few times when you really do need a committee of people to study
something, create an ad hoc study committee that has a specific assignment
with a beginning and ending to it. Set a time limit after which the committee
disbands. Most standing committees waste an enormous amount of brain power
in scheduled, but unnecessary, meetings.
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Don’t vote on ministry positions
There are a number of reasons that Saddleback never votes to approve people
for lay ministry positions.
You avoid a personality contest. If you vote to approve anyone who serves in a
ministry, you will exclude all of the people who fear rejection. Those who are
shy and lack confidence will never volunteer to serve, out of fear that they might
be turned down by the congregation or board.
New ministries often need to develop slowly. If you put a public spotlight on a
new ministry in the early days, it may die. All it takes is one influential negative
voice to uproot a ministry idea before it has a chance to sprout.
New members can get involved more quickly. Voting puts new members at a
disadvantage. A new member may be the best qualified to serve, but he or she
may be unknown to the committee that controls the appointment process. I’ve
seen gifted people shut out of ministry for years because they were not part of
the church’s inner circle of old-timers.
You avoid attracting people who are only interested in a position for its power or
prestige. By eliminating voting, you attract the people who are genuinely
interested in serving instead of those who just want a title. A man once
complained to me, “I’m leaving the church because I want to be the chairman of
the board, and Saddleback doesn’t have a board!” At least he was honest. He
found a small church where he could have an impressive title and be a big fish
in a little pond. He wasn’t at all interested in ministry; he was interested in
power.
If people fail, it makes removal easier. If you publicly elect people, then you
have to publicly remove them if they become incompetent or have failed
morally. In today’s world that kind of public removal can be a political, relational,
and legal hot potato. Some carnal people would rather split a church than give
up a position. They may line up support for a showdown. If you don’t vote on
ministry positions, failure can be dealt with privately.
You can respond more quickly to the Holy Spirit’s leading. When any member
comes up with a great ministry idea, the church shouldn’t have to wait until the
next business meeting to begin it. At our church, a ministry has sometimes been
formed immediately after a service due to something I said in a message.
Interested people gather on the patio and the work begins right away.
One time a woman came to me and said, “We need a prayer ministry.” I said, “I
agree! You’re it!” She said, “Don’t I have to be elected or go through some
approval process?” She had imagined she would have to jump through all kinds
of political hoops first. I said, “Of course not! Just announce a formation meeting
in the bulletin and start it.” She did.
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Another time a person came to me and said, “We need a support group for
terminally ill cancer patients.” I said, “Great idea! Just start it yourself.” He did.
Still another man once said to me, “I can’t teach and I can’t sing, but I’m good at
home repairs and small carpentry jobs. I’d like to start a ministry called Home
Helps and do free home maintenance for widows in our church.” The point is,
you shouldn’t have to vote on whether or not a person can use the gifts God
has given him or her in the body of Christ. Whenever anyone expresses a
desire to minister we immediately start them through our placement process.
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Self, Strategies for Ministering to Inactives
Doug Self, “Strategies for Ministering to Inactives.” In B Larson, P Anderson & D

Self (eds), Mastering Pastoral Care (Portland: Christianity Today, 1990), 68-82.
22. Strategies for Ministering to Inactives
Inactives are people who hurt. They need more than a scolding to
become active in church. They also need pastoral care.
—Doug Self
Dropouts, delinquents, do-nothings, lazy, backsliders, complainers, and excuse

makers. These are words regular church attenders often use to describe
inactives. In Ministry to Inactives (Augsburg, 1979), Gerhard Knutson
documents these attitudes. He tells of one study that revealed that regular
church attenders tend to use the following words to describe their feelings about
inactives: frustrated, fearful, anxious, worried, hostile, suspicious, sympathetic,
puzzled, and embarrassed.
In my experience, active members aren’t hostile to inactives, [Page 70] but they
are puzzled as to why they no longer attend. Especially after unsuccessfully
reaching out to inactives, active members can become frustrated and,
inadvertently, begin badmouthing them.
It’s no wonder, then, that inactives, as revealed in the same study, describe
active church people as hypocrites, do-gooders, nosy, fussy, nit-pickers,
bosses, "in group," judges, high and mighty, and meddlers. And inactives
describe themselves in relation to the church as condemned, forgotten, left out,
lonely, rejected, abandoned, angry, suspicious, and apathetic.
Inactives, then, are people who hurt. They need more than a scolding to
become active in church. They also need pastoral care.
And since inactives probably view me, the pastor, as the embodiment of the
church, I need to be especially sensitive to their feelings about the church.
Pastoral care to inactives, like all pastoral care, must be approached case by
case. I’ve found, in fact, that I need to employ a variety of strategies if I am
going to minister to them effectively. Here are some of the most common.
Listen to Expert Testimony
Glen would attend church with his family for several months, then miss a month,
and then come once and miss two more months. Then he’d repeat the whole
cycle again.
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Early on I had Glen pegged: he was unfaithful. He seemed to let slight colds
and camping preempt his church attendance. More than once I went to Glen’s
door with a reprimand ready.
We would visit casually at first, and then I would bring up his absences. He
would wince, and, as I was about to launch into a gentle diatribe, he would
confide in me about problems he was having with his children from a previous
marriage. His oldest daughter, for example, was rebellious and trying drugs.
Over time I discovered that some weekends Glen took his children camping or
backpacking. Some Saturday nights, after receiving a frantic call from his former
wife, he spent cruising the streets looking for his daughter.[Page 71]
Inactive church members are the experts on why they’ve been absent. Each
one knows exactly the reasons he or she is missing. My assumptions or
suspicions are inadequate and often wrong. Better to go humbly to learn the
inactive person’s reasons.
Recognize My Feelings
When I see someone is becoming inactive, a number of feelings stir within me.
Sometimes I’m angry. For instance, I help the Hansens through several life
crises. I spend late-night hours counseling them. And as soon as their lives
smooth out, they just drift away. It angers me. I had big plans for them. Amy is
warm and gracious—the ideal worship greeter. Carl’s leadership ability would
help our men’s ministry. Instead, in spite of my efforts and plans, they’re
squandering their gifts in the snowmobile club!
Jerry and Kay, on the other hand, made me sad. Their marriage was troubled,
and their kids were distancing themselves from the faith. Their son, in particular,
had been in trouble with the law and appeared to be on a fast track to big-time
hurt. Jerry and Kay were sitting on some time bombs, and they moved away
from the church just when they most needed it.
It’s difficult, but I need to identify my feelings about inactives. Ironically, that
helps me give my full attention to inactives.
Fred gave no indication that he was dissatisfied with our church, but suddenly
he began attending another. We had developed a warm relationship, but when I
stopped in to see him, he was cool and aloof at first. Eventually, though, he
began to tell me that he was dissatisfied with my preaching and wanted to
attend a church where the sermons were more to his liking.
When I asked what in my sermons he specifically didn’t like, he said, “I just felt I
wasn’t fed anymore.”
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That’s a response I don’t take well. I spend a lot of time on my sermons and feel
that there is more meat in them than many people can digest. When someone
tells me my sermons don’t feed them, it takes great restraint not to defend
myself vigorously.[Page 72]
On this occasion, I recognized my rising anger and put it on the shelf for a
while. Then I focused on Fred’s feelings, trying to see if there was something
more.
“Have I offended you in some way?” I asked.
“No,” he said, but his facial expression hinted I was on the right track.
“Has someone else offended you?” I continued.
He lowered his eyes and toyed with a paper clip. “Well, yeah, but it’s no big
deal.” He went on to describe an incident in which someone had ignored his
input about the budget, implying even that he wasn’t spiritually mature. It hit him
at a vulnerable time. Since he was, in fact, somewhat unhappy with my
preaching, he took it as a convenient out.
That conversation, then, was enough to reopen the door to a good relationship.
Had I not recognized my anger and put it aside, I may have focused on the
wrong issue. I would have lost a friend and certainly a parishioner. As it is now,
he just may come back to us —when he gets hungry for good preaching again!
Show Appreciation
I could hardly believe my ears when Christy, who had been actively involved in
the drama team for some time, told me she was ready to quit—not just the
drama group but also the church. When I asked why, she recited four or five
incidents in which I had ignored or dismissed her suggestions. It seemed others
had done the same. She was an inactive ready to happen.
Recovering my composure, I eventually convinced her that these rejections of

her ideas were exceptions; we truly valued her.
This experience reawakened me to people’s need for recognition and

appreciation. Unfortunately, I often fail to notice people who steadily contribute
their time and ideas. But I’m learning. In fact, I’ve asked a few key people in the
church to help me spot and creatively acknowledge the valuable ministry of
some quiet regulars. Appreciation, I’ve found, thwarts inactivity. [Page 73]
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Respect Inactives’ Anger
People who have dropped out have given a good deal of thought to their
decision. If they’ve been offended, they’ve replayed the offense over and over in
their minds. In some instances, they’ve whipped themselves into a frenzy of
self-righteousness. Not coming to church is a dramatic statement of indignation.
By the time I see them, inactives are stewing in a deep-rooted problem that will
not yield to quick fixes.
Therefore, my first task is to respect the dignity of people who seem to be

behaving immaturely. I want to see the offense from their point of view. I want to
sense the strength of their emotional storm.
After the Bakers had missed several Sundays, I dropped by to visit. Harley and
Eleanor had been offended, but I wasn’t sure how. As I sat in their living room, I
was determined to listen non-defensively.
In a few moments Harley started in. He was miffed that we didn’t sing more
traditional hymns. He had grown up on the old hymns, remembered them
fondly, and longed for his children to grow up singing them as well.
“We just can’t abandon the music the church has sung for hundreds of years,”
he concluded. “Those hymns mean something to us!”
I was tempted to launch into a defense of contemporary Christian music and

explain vigorously the need to reach the new generation, but I checked myself.
“Which hymns do you like best?” I asked.
“ ‘Rock of Ages,’ ‘Standing on the Promises,’ and ‘Blessed Assurance,’ are ones
we were raised on,” said Eleanor.
“Well, I also remember singing those songs on Sunday mornings, Sunday

nights, and Wednesday nights,” I responded. “They bring back a flood of
memories for me, too.”
I went on to assure them that others felt as they did. But soon I was able to
convince them of the need for new music, especially when I assured them we’d
include more of their favorites. [Page 74]
Respecting people’s anger, I found, goes a long way toward dissolving that
anger.
Take the Inactive’s Side
The Hardens had been with our church since our inception thirteen years
before. They had struggled with us through cold winters in an inadequate
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building. We brought blankets and huddled together in that rented building, but
such experiences forged bonds among those members.
Then the Hardens began missing a Sunday here and there; eventually they
were only hitting a Sunday now and then. They assured me their absence was
only due to illness, company, or trips.
When I suspected there was something more, I dropped by to express my

concern. We were close and had been through a lot together, so the old times
took up a bit of our early conversation.
Then Russ sighed and said, “Those were the good old days. We were all close
back then. You could depend on each other. Now, if we miss a few Sundays,
the Sunday we return there’s some new person greeting us at the door.”
As I listened, I found myself mentally accusing Russ and Trish of creating their
own problems. Instead of diving in and making new friends, they had pulled
back. It seemed as though they were expecting celebrity status from
newcomers and then withdrawing when it wasn’t accorded.
I composed myself and tried to see the problem from their perspective. I agreed
with them; it was a problem. I shared my own concern that our church not lose
its personal touch as we grew larger. I also asked them how we could insure
that people, new and old, weren’t lost in the numbers. Not only did the Hardens
offer some good ideas, I couldn’t think of anyone better to implement them!
That, in fact, is another strategy I employ when working with inactives.

[Page 73]
Channel Inactives’ Grievances into Active Ministry [Page 75]
When I found out that one of our single mothers was hurt, disappointed, and
ready to leave the church, I stopped by for a visit. She didn’t need much
prompting.
She began spilling a year and a half of pent-up frustration. She had felt out of
place in our family-oriented church. She described the frustrations of trying to
make it as a working single mother of a teenage son. It didn’t take long for me
to feel the helplessness of her plight. And, yes, she had already visited another
church in the area intending to find another church home.
I knew she was bright and articulate, but during our conversation I also began to
sense that she had some organizational ability. After empathizing with her
plight, I asked her to consider doing something positive for herself and the other
single mothers in our congregation.
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“You’re more aware of the needs of single moms than I’ll ever be, ” I began.
“You have compassion for others in your situation. Would it help to have a
single mothers support group, a group of single moms who could speak openly,
and be understood and cared for?”
“Why, yes,” she replied.
“Would you consider helping form a single mother’s support group?”
“Oh, no,” she said, overwhelmed. “I’m not good at that sort of thing. I wouldn’t
know what to do.”
“Jeanette, you’ve not only described the plight of the single mother in a moving
way, but you’ve also proposed several measures to meet their needs. We’ll
certainly back you as a church if you’ll get together with other single mothers.
Will you consider it?”
She did. I described her concerns during the next Sunday morning service, and
several single mothers met with her afterward. The following Sunday morning
she surveyed people in the church to discover who could offer single mothers
some practical skills like plumbing, carpentry, and mechanics. She made her
own announcement with a sparkle in her eyes, and our ministry with [Page 76]
single mothers was off and running.
Apologize for the Church When It’s Wrong
When people have been hurt or offended by the church, extending a simple
apology often goes a long way.
For many years I had counseled Sally through marital and parenting woes,
financial difficulties, and other personal problems. We had become close, so
when her attendance flagged, I stopped by for a visit. The conversation was
unusually strained at first, but then she broke forth.
“I loaned the church my big coffee pot for the reception six months ago,” she
began.
“Okay.” I vaguely remembered the incident.
“Well, someone dropped and broke it. No one has said a word since or tried to
do anything about it, and all I’ve got for my generosity is a broken coffee pot.”
“Sally, I didn’t realize that.”
“That’s right,” she answered, looking as if she’d said something she’d wanted to
say for a long time but was slightly embarrassed at finally having said it.
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“I’m sorry. I wish I had known. That’s certainly not right for you to be stuck with
a broken coffee pot.”
“And then, several weeks later, I had to move that big piano from upstairs to
downstairs. I asked for help during a Sunday morning church service, and no
one came. I certainly can’t move it by myself, so I had to go out and hire some
men to move it. I thought the church was supposed to take care of its own,” she
concluded with emphasis.
“Sally, I’m sorry at how the church has offended you. It sounds as if it has been
a real disappointment.”
“Yes, I’ve felt hurt.” She paused, and her demeanor changed. “But I guess I
didn’t have to sit around stewing in it. After all, I could have come to you with my
concerns sooner.”
“But sometimes when we’re hurt it’s difficult to reach out to [Page 77] those
who’ve hurt us. Sally, I’m sorry this has happened to you. You know how much
we’ve been through together and how much Rebecca (my wife) and I love you.
I’m sorry you’ve been hurt.” I extended my hand to her. “I don’t know what
happened with the coffee pot,” I continued, “but I can assure you that we’ll
either get it fixed or get you a new one.”
“Oh, it’s no big deal, really. It wasn’t new. It just seemed as if no one cared.”
I also apologized for the church’s lack of response to her plea for moving help.
But by that time, it didn’t seem to matter; she’d said as much, in fact. Her hurt
had been healed.
Relieve Unnecessary Guilt
Bob and Jennifer had come to our church as new Christians and had matured
through its ministry. But every once in a while they’d make a wrong turn and get
sidetracked by financial hardships or marital problems. They’d begin to
complain, lay blame, and panic in the face of difficulties.
When they were in a down period, it was difficult to relate with them. They
attended church less frequently, and when they came, they were polite but cool.
One night, several months into such a period, I dropped by their home. After we
exchanged pleasantries, I plunged into deeper conversation: “You know, guys,
it’s hard on me when things are not right between us.”
They looked at each other with mock surprise. Then Bob said, “What do you
mean? There’s nothing wrong between us.”
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“We both know that our relationship is strained. When we talk, I feel as if you’re
holding up an invisible shield. That hurts. I love you two. You’ve meant a lot to
me.”
Jennifer broke in, “You mean a lot to us too, Doug. We don’t have anything
against you. It’s just that we’ve been going through …” She looked at Bob.
“I know you’re having some hard times. The economy isn’t in good shape, and I
know your store is taking it on the chin. It just [Page 78] hurts me to see you
hurting alone.”
“Well, Doug, we’re sick of our problems,” sighed Bob. “They get us down. We
get depressed and even begin questioning God’s love for us. But we don’t want
to complain. You’ve heard it all before. Why bother you with it again? We’ll be
all right someday.”
“Do you feel I wouldn’t approve of how you’re handling yourself?”
“It’s pretty obvious that we’re letting it pound us into the ground,” said Bob. “It’s
so frustrating. We’ve learned so much at this church, and we do okay for a
while. Then something happens, and we’re back in the same pit. We know what
we should do, but it’s like we’re helpless. We fall back into old habits: blaming,
looking for an escape, and letting the tension strain our relationship.”
“The only thing I’m disappointed in is your blocking me out when you could use
a friend,” I said. “I’m not thinking. When will the stupid Hales ever learn! I know
your spiritual strengths and weaknesses. You’ve come a long way, but you still
fall down every once in a while, as does every Christian. I don’t look down on
you for that.”
They exchanged relieved glances at each other. We didn’t get into the nitty-
gritty of their problems that evening. At that point, they simply needed to receive
some grace.
Get the Offended to Talk with Their Offenders
Steve and Katy had stopped attending abruptly early in the summer, but it was
well into the fall before I had an opportunity to sit down with them. When I asked
about their absences, they pointed to a hectic schedule and sick children as the
culprits. It didn’t ring true, so I probed more and began to hear a deeper story.
“Well, when that youth group was here for a concert …” Katy looked at Steve
for permission to continue. He nodded. “We were working on the food
committee to put together a meal before the concert. I suggested we have
spaghetti and meat sauce since it’s easy to prepare and serve. The rest of the
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committee agreed, and we began planning. But at the next meeting, Margaret
showed up and acted like the spaghetti idea was insane.” [Page 79]
That didn’t surprise me. Margaret can be painfully blunt at times, and
sometimes the force of her personality overrides a group.
Steve took up the story. “When Katy came home, she was obviously upset. She
felt that Margaret had been rude, and the rest of the committee hadn’t cared
enough to deal with the issue. They just caved in to Margaret.”
“Katy, you must have felt humiliated by Margaret and betrayed by the rest of the
committee,” I said.
“Yes, I did,” Katy replied, choked up. “It really hurt. I still helped with the dinner,
but it took the joy out of going to church.” Then she sobbed.
“I think I would have felt pretty trampled on myself,” I added. “Did you talk with
Margaret or any of the others about this?”
Katy said, “Oh, no. After all, the dinner did come off well. I didn’t want to cause
any trouble.”
“But Katy,” I replied, “what happened to you is troubling. That’s not the way our
church should function. We don’t want to pull off a good dinner and then have to
do a body count later. You were mistreated, and I’m sorry. But I think we can
use it, not only to right the wrong you suffered but to learn some important
lessons about how to get along as a church.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to get the committee together again and talk about what happened,” I
answered.
“Oh, no,” they said in unison. “We’d prefer not to make trouble. We’ll be okay.”
“But you’re not okay,” I responded. “You’ve had the joy taken from your church
experience, you’ve avoided coming to church, and you’re hurt. It’s scary to
actually talk about a problem. You know that from your marriage. But if you
ignore problems, they just build and blow up all over you. It’s the same way with
church relationships.”
Although reluctant, they finally agreed. It took some doing, but we got the
committee together. Everyone was uncomfortable [Page 80] when I asked Katy
to describe what had happened and how she’d felt. There was some awkward
stirring as others listened, and then silence.
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Finally Margaret spoke: “That’s just like me, taking over and doing it my way.”
Her husband nodded knowingly as she continued. “I’ve caused my children no
end of trouble by trying to run their lives. It’s been hard for me to learn that
teenagers need room to maneuver. I guess, unknowingly, I’ve done the same
thing at church. I can’t seem to help it. I just take over and assume that
everyone will be happier doing it my way.”
Then she turned to Katy. “Katy, please forgive me. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
When Katy moved to hug Margaret, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. We
spent some time discussing what had happened and how we all could learn
from the experience.
It doesn’t always work out this nicely, of course. This is a risky strategy that
requires a certain level of spiritual maturity among church members. In the case
of Steve and Katy, though, I’m happy to report that they returned to active
participation and are blossoming as leaders in the church.
Accept Seasonal Inactives
People move to the Rockies for the mountains. They don’t move here to attend
church. I sometimes forget that. But each season leaves different seats empty.
During the ski season there are powder hounds who can’t imagine fresh snow
without putting the first tracks in it. During the May fly hatch, some fishermen
can’t tolerate being anywhere but in a river with a fly rod in hand. Summer
brings camping, hiking, and backpacking season. The fall brings a zillion
hunting seasons. In short, the call of the wild is sometimes stronger than the call
of the church.
I used to get self-righteous about those who became inactive during such
seasons. When someone would be absent for several Sundays, I’d imagine a
spiritual crisis or apostasy. In a panic I’d call on these lost sheep. In some
instances, I made my disapproval known, and I damaged a few relationships. I
made it difficult for the wandering sinner to come back to the fold after the
season was over. [Page 81]
Gradually, I learned that some people’s absence was only for a season. If I was
patient and forbearing, they usually came back. When looking at their
attendance over a period of years, I decided I would rather have people come
regularly and then miss a few months each year than offend and lose them
forever.
Give Permission to Attend Elsewhere
The Grants were an attractive couple with three children ranging from
kindergarten through eighth grade. They were experienced church leaders who
had been regular attenders and givers in their previous church. After they
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moved to our area, they attended our church regularly, joined, and began
getting more and more involved. They appeared to be all a pastor could want in
church members. Then their attendance flagged.
I visited them when they began missing regularly, but they didn’t mention any
problems. Then I heard through the grapevine that they were dissatisfied. So I
made another call.
Melissa received me as graciously as ever. The kids eagerly showed me their

new toys. Finally, I came to the point: “We both know that something is wrong.
You’re committed Christians, but you’ve not been coming lately. What’s going
on?”
They began hesitantly and with the not unusual, “We just don’t feel like we’re
getting fed.” I probed and asked what particularly they missed.
Phillip thought for a second and then said, “Your sermons are biblical, and you
make good use of humor. But your sermons don’t go deep enough for us.”
“And we’re interested in the deeper Christian life,” Melissa interjected. She then
named some nationally known preachers to illustrate what she meant. I knew
immediately the type of preaching she was talking about, and, frankly, I enjoy
such preachers myself.
When I asked them specifically what I should do to satisfy their needs, Phillip
said, “We like a lot of cross-referencing in a sermon. You use contemporary
illustrations more than you cross-refer [Page 82] from the Bible.”
“So you prefer more biblical support and insight for a particular point than
contemporary illustration?” I questioned.
They seemed uncomfortable with my assessment but nodded. I kept probing

like this until I recognized that the issue went deeper than sermon technique.
“I’m not sure my style of preaching would ever satisfy you,” I said. “That’s not
necessarily an indictment on me or you. I believe people have different needs
and even different learning styles. From what you’re telling me, I suggest you
listen to Mike Nelson at First Baptist, Aspen. I suspect he might better minister
to your needs. He’s a fine pastor, and they have a good church.”
They exchanged an embarrassed look. “We’ve already visited there,” Melissa

confessed.
“Well, great!” I replied. “The last thing I want is for you to drop out of church
involvement completely. I’m glad you’re looking for what you need spiritually. Of
course, I’d prefer you didn’t leave our church. I’ve grown attached to you.”
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They assured me about how much they enjoyed our church and me.
“But, I have no qualms about your being involved in Mike’s church,” I continued.
“He’ll take good care of you, and I know you’ll be an asset to that church. The
important thing is that we remain good friends. I’d hate to think you were leaving
our church because you need a different style of preaching but were telling
people it’s because our church isn’t spiritually mature.”
“Oh, no,” they assured me.
“We’re sorry to lose you if you end up elsewhere. But if that’s what you choose
to do, you’ll have our blessing and continued friendship.”
“That’s our desire, as well,” Phillip added. “We were uncomfortable going
elsewhere. We thought you’d think we were traitors. We didn’t want to be
branded as bad guys and have people turn their backs on us.”
“Not that we’ve made that decision,” Melissa said. “We’re [Page 83] just praying
about it and trying to follow the Lord’s will. But your visit has taken the pressure
off.”
In fact, they did end up going to another church, and they’re doing well there.
But that’s preferable to their (a) going to another church and badmouthing us to
justify their decision, or (b) feeling guilty and not going to church at all.
With all these strategies available, one may wonder which is appropriate when
and with whom. These many strategies are not, of course, mutually exclusive.
More than one can be used with any one inactive. And experience in pastoral
care goes a long way toward helping the pastor determine which is best in a
particular case.
In the end, however, there are no hard-and-fast rules, because pastoral care to
inactives is finally, like painting, an art. These strategies are merely the colors
on our ministry palette.
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Anderson, Motivating and Recruiting Volunteers
Leith Anderson, “Motivating and Recruiting Volunteers.” In D Cousins, L

Anderson, & AH DeKruyter (eds), Mastering Church Management. Portland:
Christianity Today, 1990), 128-135.
23. Motivating and Recruiting Volunteers
The main thing that keeps volunteers motivated is the sense they are
getting more out of their service than they are putting into it.
Most of the work of the local church is done by volunteers. If the volunteers are
ministering effectively, the church is ministering effectively. If they’re not, the
church is not. It would be difficult, therefore, to conceive of a pastoral
responsibility more important than helping volunteers be effective in their
ministries.
Working with volunteers in the church involves three basic responsibilities:

motivating people, guiding them to the right ministry, and supporting and
supervising them as they minister.
Motivating People to Minister
Motivation is not an arcane science. It begins with an understanding of people

and what they need. As I have reflected on that, I have developed a few
guidelines for motivation within the church.
Use gratitude rather than guilt. Guilt is probably the most powerful motivator in
the church. It’s quick and effective. When people are desperate to get a job
done, they readily employ guilt.
But it also carries a high price tag: resentment. People motivated by guilt
develop a subconscious hostility toward the leader and the institution. It is far
better to motivate by appealing to gratitude—gratitude to God for all he has
done.
I once attended a fund-raising banquet for the seminary from which I graduated.
Before I walked in, I had my check made out. For me, at the time, the gift was
substantial.
When the banquet host launched his appeal, he told how seven or eight faculty
members were paid less than garbage collectors in New York City. (I remember
thinking. So what? Most people in this room are paid less than garbage
collectors in New York City.) His underlying message was, “You, the supporters
of the school, don’t pay the faculty enough.” He was laying guilt on us.
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I felt bad. I had wanted to give cheerfully. By the time he’d finished his speech, I
had folded my check and put it in my pocket. I was sitting at the head table, but
when the ice cream bucket came by, I didn’t put in my check.
That host could have motivated by gratitude: “This faculty has had a great
impact on your life. You’re benefiting from them every day. You’ve got their
books; you’ve got their lectures; you’ve got their example. God has blessed you
through them. In response to the tremendous gift you’ve been given, you have
an opportunity to say thank you.”
If he would have said that, I probably would have torn up my check and written
one for more.
The same principle applies to motivating people to volunteer. Some time ago,
because of some unusual circumstances that never should have happened, we
didn’t have an adequate number of Sunday school teachers for the fall program.
Some people say that in that situation I should announce, “If somebody isn’t
going to teach the third graders, we won’t have a third-grade class. The pupils
can sit in Sunday school with their parents.” It’s tempting, because it will work;
somebody will volunteer. But the volunteer will be somebody who’s already
overloaded and not gifted to teach third graders. That’s an awful approach to
the Lord’s work.
Even at a time like that, I want to say, “God has taught us wonderful things. He
has richly blessed us. Here is a great opportunity God has given us to say thank
you, to pass on his blessings to somebody else.” That kind of appeal may not
have an immediate effect, but for the long term, it’s much more effective.
Tap people’s existing dissatisfaction. A. satisfied need never motivates anyone.

If you’re totally satisfied, you won’t get up in the morning. Before you can be
motivated to do anything, you must be dissatisfied. The wonderful thing about
the church is that within it there is always an adequate supply of dissatisfaction.
One person is dissatisfied by the loss of identity in a society that treats him
more and more like a number. The church can say, “Here is a chance for you to
be a significant person in a ministry.” Another person is dissatisfied with the
church facilities. That becomes a motivation for her to help plan for new
facilities.
Our church has an abundance of leaders, and some people are dissatisfied
because they want more opportunity to lead. We can say, “Do you want to run
things? If you have those skills, great! We’ll start another church for which you
can provide the leadership.” We need to look for ways to harness people’s
dissatisfaction for ministry.
Give volunteers more than they put in. This could be terribly misunderstood, but
the main thing that keeps volunteers motivated is the sense they are getting
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more out of their service than they are putting into it. If they reach the point
where they perceive they are giving more than they’re getting, they will quit.
Teachers often say, “I get more out of the class by teaching it than I could by
sitting and listening to the lesson.” People volunteer so they can experience
personal growth, find the satisfaction of serving God, become part of a
significant organization, or enjoy camaraderie with other workers. For example,
Sunday school teachers hold departmental meetings that they think are
designed primarily to plan for the next quarter. But the main purpose of the
meeting is to say to teachers, “When you’re alone teaching six kids, really you
are not alone. You’re part of a team. If you become sick or go on vacation,
somebody else will take over.” The feeling of camaraderie the teachers take
from these meetings gives them motivation to continue.
Even if a task involves pain or frustration, when people feel they are gaining
significantly from it, they will continue to serve. This means that you can expect
a lot from people as long as you “pay” them a lot.
Several years ago our church held a consultation with Lyie Schaller. As part of
it, we scheduled a board meeting for one o’clock on Friday afternoon. Although
all the board members work on Friday afternoon, everyone was there.
Afterward, Schaller commented that having everyone attend wasn’t typical. I
had never considered the possibility that anybody wouldn’t come. I expected the
board members to do whatever they had to do—take vacation, if necessary—to
be there.
They are willing to do that, however, because their pay is high. Those board
members consider board meetings the highlight of their month. In addition,
throughout the year, we hold game nights at my house for the elders and their
families. If an elder calls, he gets through immediately. I might not change my
schedule for somebody else’s wedding, but when elders’ kids get married, I’m
there. I build my life around them and give them preferential treatment, and they
know that.
Volunteers’ performance remains high when their pay remains high.
Rules for Recruiting
The church has a long history of using people to meet institutional needs. Not
only is this approach disrespectful, but it also destroys motivation. Many
churches are now learning to reverse the process, to begin not with the
institution’s needs but with the individual’s gifts. Instead of saying, “We need a
nursery worker for the fifth Sunday of the month,” congregations are learning to
ask, “Where should you be serving Jesus Christ?” With this approach, people
become better matched to their responsibilities.
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Admittedly, this takes time. Wooddale has established a policy that people
cannot be asked to serve until their names have been cleared through the staff.
This means most of our staff meeting is spent talking about where people can
be deployed in ministry. If no one on staff knows a person, a staff member will
meet with the person and discuss his or her spiritual development and interests.
Although this approach takes time, it protects people. One volunteer, for
example, was urgently needed in our music program. After a pastor visited the
home, he reported to staff, “This couple has tensions in their marriage. The
commitment to rehearsals wouldn’t be good for them right now; they need the
time at home.” We respected that and determined to find somebody else or shut
down that part of the music program.
Frankly, people respond better to an invitation when they discover it comes only
after careful consideration by the staff. Suppose, for example, a person is gifted
both in music and in working with teens, but because he’s starting a new
business, he doesn’t have time to work in both areas. If we decide the greater
need is in youth ministry, the youth pastor would explain to this person that he
had been considered for another area but is being asked to take on only one
responsibility. Volunteers recognize that as interest in them.
We also offer a Human Resources Program that consists of a seminar, some

tests, and an interview with a person skilled in personnel management. The
program helps people identify their interests and gifts and look for ways they
can use them in the church.
(For some reason, people are willing to admit they have almost any gift except
evangelism. To determine who has that gift, we go to an adult Sunday school
class, fifty to ninety people who know each other reasonably well. We ask
everyone to write down names of people in the group who have the gift of
evangelism. Usually, about ten names are repeated. Then a pastor can
approach these ten people and say, “The people who have prayed and studied
with you, those who know you best, say that you have the gift of evangelism.
Would you like to develop that gift and use it more?”)
Finally, before a person is approached about a position, a job description is

developed that outlines the qualifications, relationships, and responsibilities,
including term of service. This again helps people determine if the position is
right for them.
Recruiting works better when the invitation comes, not from some full-time
church recruiter, but from a person involved in that very ministry. Then the
invitation is not, “Will you do this job?” but rather, “Will you join me in doing this
job?”
In addition, we work hard to recruit well in advance of the assignment’s starting

date. Recruiting Sunday school teachers for the fall shouldn’t take place in
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August; it should happen in April. This shows respect for volunteers and gives
them time to think and pray about the commitment. The carefully considered
commitment is much stronger than the one made hastily.
Normally, a person’s first assignment in the church is small. We would never,

for example, ask someone to teach an adult congregation if we had not first
seen the person teach as a substitute. When we have broken this rule and have
guessed incorrectly about a person’s ability, we have lost people from the
church. Removing people from a position causes them to lose face and to feel
they need to find another congregation.
Of course, no matter how thoroughly we do these things, some placements

won’t work. Sometimes a person will say, “I’ve tried this for six months, but it’s
not my gift.” When that happens, we need to say, “Fine. Then what should your
ministry be?”
Critical Ministries and Critical Roles
When there aren’t enough volunteers to staff a program, leaders need to ask,
“Is this something we shouldn’t be doing?” Theologically, we assume that God
will never expect us to do something for which he will not provide the resources.
If the resources aren’t there, we need to ask, “Should this be dropped?”
The answer lies, in part, in whether the ministry is essential. At Wooddale, for
example, morning worship, Sunday school, and child care would be seen as
essential. People expect these basic programs in a contemporary American
church, so we would not allow these areas to go unstaffed.
But when we didn’t have enough men for the men’s choir, we dropped the choir.
Wooddale organized a ten-kilometer run to increase visibility and outreach in
the community, but when we didn’t have enough volunteers anymore, we cut
the program. These we can live without. Sunday school we cannot.
In addition, some volunteer roles are critical to the life of the church. One is a
role I call “the introducer.” This person instinctively knows how to connect a
visitor with another person, and then he or she moves on to find the next visitor.
This person tends to wander through the halls, and we forgive him or her for not
coming to worship services. It is important to not tie up the congregation’s
introducer in teaching Sunday school. Growth depends on having one or more
introducers free to do their work.
Other people I look for are the “epaulet men.” On the eve of the Battle of
Saratoga in 1778, Daniel Morgan led his Morgan’s Rifles against the British
army led by Gentleman Johnny Burgoyne. Morgan compared his troops and
ammunition to the strength of the British, and it was obvious his Rifles were
going to lose the battle. So the night before the battle, Morgan gathered his men
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and said, “Don’t waste your shot on those who fight for sixpence a day. Aim for
the epaulet men”—the officers, who wore insignia on their shoulders.
The next day, Morgan’s Rifles went into battle. When they had a private in their
sights, they didn’t pull the trigger. They waited until they saw an epaulet man.
Following this strategy, Morgan’s Rifles won the Battle of Saratoga, and some
historians say that was the determining battle of the Revolutionary War.
In the church, we also win or lose by determining who wears the epaulets. If we
recognize the leaders and nurture them, all the privates will line up behind them.
The Corporate Ethos
In most churches, the pastor cannot possibly monitor every volunteer position.
How, then, can a pastor hope to ensure that people are performing well and
conscientiously?
The first and most important thing a pastor does is establish the corporate
ethos. Pastors can’t manage every person, but they can manage the corporate
atmosphere, which in turn will govern those people. Leaders can create an
atmosphere that is upbeat, biblically based, rooted in prayer. They can set a
climate that includes making proposals before you do things, being
accountable, and not operating unilaterally. Those principles come to be
understood throughout the organization.
How is this ethos created? By the way the pastor relates to people he or she
supervises directly. These people, in turn, treat others the way they have been
supervised, and the approach ripples through the organization.
I try to demonstrate to those I supervise that I’m there to serve them. After
board meetings, for example, which may go until midnight or one o’clock in the
morning, I stay with one or two other people and clean the room. I want to serve
that board, so I clean the room so they can get home earlier. And I want to
serve the church custodian. One time a custodian said to me, “The board sure
leaves the room a mess.” I clean the room so he doesn’t have a mess the next
morning. My hope is that these people will say, “If the pastor will do that for me,
I’m going to do that for other people.”
Patterns like these eventually duplicate themselves in the organization. For

example, our pastors for junior high students and senior high students serve
their volunteers so well that they have a waiting list of people to serve.
I never want a volunteer at Wooddale to be recruited and then abandoned. I

know that if someone asks a teacher, “Will you teach next year?” but has not
talked with that teacher all year long, the teacher will not do it. The only way I
can hope to avoid that is to create a corporate ethos that says, “Ongoing
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support is essential.” And I can create that ethos only by continually supporting
those people I directly supervise.
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Way, The Doctrine of Church Discipline
Church Discipline
Daniel E Way, The Doctrine of Church Discipline (source unknown), 1-10.
24. The Doctrine of Church Discipline
It is necessary in our hardened and apostate age for the church to be called
back to the New Testament doctrine of church discipline. In our day, the church
has become tolerant of sin even when it is found in her own people. This
warrants the wrath of God upon the church’s indifference to his holiness. The
modem church seems more willing to ignore sin than to denounce it, and more
ready to compromise God’s law than to proclaim it. It is a mournful fact that
many churches refuse to take sin seriously. We have no right to dialogue about
sin. That was Eve’s mistake. The tempter’s suggestions should have been
promptly rebuked; but instead, they were discussed [Gen 3:1—5]. That
discussion was compromise and sin. The church cannot stand before her
enemies while ignoring sin in her own ranks [cf. Joshua 7:1-26].
Today, the church faces a moral crisis within her own ranks. Her failure to take
a strong stand against evil (even in her own midst), and her tendency to be
more concerned about what is expedient than what is right, has robbed the
church of biblical integrity and power. It is true that, historically, the church has
sometimes erred in this matter of discipline, but today the problem is one of
outright neglect. It would be difficult to show another area of Christian life which
is more commonly ignored by the modem evangelical church than church
discipline.
It is ironic that this rejection is often justified in the name of love. When the
apostle John wrote that we should ‘love one another, he also wrote: ‘And this is
love, that we walk after his commandments.’ [2 John 5, 6]. As we shall see, the
exercise of church discipline is a command from the Lord of the church. When it
is properly carried out, it is a profound display of Christian love. To put it another
way, true Christian love dare not ignore the use of the various forms of
discipline wherever they are applicable. Love necessarily challenges sin in
ourselves and in our brethren. It is no more love for a Christian to watch a
brother in Christ pursue a course of sin unchallenged than it is love for a parent
to watch his child walk unhindered into disaster. If we look for God’s blessing in
our churches, it is essential that we conduct ourselves according to God’s
Word. He tells us how to conduct ourselves in ‘the house of God’ [1 Tim 3:15].
We must not look to the world for such guidance. If we are to practise Christian
love, we must practise church discipline. On the other hand, it will do the church
no good if we practise the proper forms of discipline without the spirit of love
and humility which characterizes disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. We do not
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intend to suggest that church discipline is a cure-all for the ills of the
contemporary church; nor that discipline is the only or the chief way in which we
ought to display our love for one another. Rather we advocate that this is part of
the reform necessary in the church today. The way to reform in the church
always lies along the road of biblical revelation. The purpose of this booklet,
therefore, is simply to point the way back to the biblical practice of church
discipline.
The following outline will make our approach plain: (1) The necessity and
purpose of church discipline; this will answer the question. ‘Why practise it?’ (2)
The modes of church discipline; this will answer the question, ‘How do we
discipline?’ (3) The proper recipients of church discipline; this will answer the
question, ‘Who should be disciplined?’ (4) Anticipated objections to church
discipline and our answers to them.
1. Necessity and Purpose
Just as the church applies biblical principles in admitting persons to

membership, so too must she apply biblical principles in the governing of the
membership and, if necessary, in removal from membership. Jesus prescribed
principles to follow which make all Christians to some extent responsible for
each other’s behaviour, and he included disciplinary procedures [Matt 18:15-
17].
It is in this context that he gave the church the responsibility to pronounce his
forgiveness and his judgments. ‘Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind
on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall
be loosed in heaven.’ [Matt 18:18]. Of course, the ratification in heaven of what
the church does on earth is contingent upon the church acting in obedience to
Christ and his principles without hypocrisy or favouritism. As Matthew Poole
puts it, this text is ‘to assure stubborn and impenitent sinners that he would
ratify what his church did, according to the rule he had given them to act by. It is
therefore a terrible text to those who are justly and duly cut off from the
communion of the church….’ Poole wisely adds: ‘The church is not by this text
made infallible, nor is the holy God by it engaged to defend their errors.’ The
only fact to be established at this point, however, is simply that the Lord Jesus
Christ does indeed intend his church to govern its members even to the extent
of disciplinary measures when these become necessary. Let us not think that
this is simply an optional power to act, for all of the Lord’s instructions are given
in the imperative. The church does not have the right to ignore persistent sinful
behaviour among its members. Our Lord has not left that option open to us. The
necessity and purpose of church discipline can be readily exhibited in six
particulars:
1. To glorify God by obedience to his instructions for the maintenance of proper

church government. God’s Word makes it plain that he intends discipline of
various types to be a part of church life [Matt. 18:15—19; Rom. 16:17; 1 Cor
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5:1, 1 Thess 5:14; 2 Thess. 3: 6—15; 1 Tim 5:20, 6:3; Tit 1:13, 2:15, 30; Rev
2:2, 14, I5, 20]. It is always glorifying to God when we obey his Word rather than
cater for our own ease and expediency. Let us not be as those in Jeremiah’s
day, of whom it is written: ‘The word of the Lord is unto them a reproach; they
have no delight in it.' [Jer 6:10].
2. To reclaim offenders. The goal in every type of discipline, whether it be gentle

correction, admonition, rebuke, or excommunication, is always the restoration of
the offender. [Matt. 18:15; 1 Cor. 5:5; Gal 6:11.) None of the biblical instructions
in this matter promise that restoration will result. Nevertheless, God’s wise
directions as to how a sinner is to be brought to repentance are to be respected
and obeyed. Thus, while we might be inclined simply to pray about the matter,
God commands action to accompany our prayers. The apostle’s instructions
concerning an offender, ‘count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a
brother’, [2 Thess 3:15] set the tone for this grievous work. As Calvin observes:
‘Although excommunication also punishes the man, it does so in such a way
that, by forewarning him of his future condemnation, it may call him back to
salvation.’ (Institutes, Bk. IV, Ch. 12, Sec. 10).
3. To maintain the purity of the church and her worship [1 Cor 5:6-8], and to
avoid profaning the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper [1 Cor 11:27]. We shall
never be able to keep the visible church in perfect purity since we are but fallible
men. Our inability to achieve perfection in this matter, however, is no excuse for
giving up the attempt. We must maintain the purity of Christ’s visible church to
the full extent of our knowledge and power. This is all the more evident once we
recognize that false doctrine and bad conduct are infectious. If these are
tolerated in the church all members will receive hurt.
4. To vindicate the integrity and honour of Christ and his religion by exhibiting
fidelity to his principles [2 Cor 2:9, 17]. The church which refuses to exercise
discipline can neither command the world’s respect nor the confidence of its
own members.
5. To deter others from sin [cf. 1 Tim 5:20]. By the faithful practice of discipline,
‘vice is repressed and virtue nourished’ (The Scots Confession (1560) Ch.
XVIII).
6. To prevent giving cause for God to set himself against a local church (see
Rev 2:14-25).
Since the church is bound to give full allegiance to the Lord Jesus Christ and
this means to love him and keep his commandments [John 14:I5, 23, 24; 15:10,
14], it is evident that the church’s honesty of heart is tested when confronted
with the choice between obedience and disobedience in this matter of the
discipline of its members. It is just as necessary for the church to exercise
proper discipline as it is to preach the Word and properly administer the
sacraments. This is why the Belgic Confession (1561), which grew out of
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Reformation soil, says: ‘The marks by which the true Church is known, are
these: if the pure doctrine of the gospel is preached therein; If she maintains the
pure administration of the sacraments as instituted by Christ; if church discipline
is exercised in punishing of sin; in short, if all things are managed according to
the pure Word of God, all things contrary thereto rejected, and Jesus Christ
acknowledged as the only Head of the Church.’ (From Chapter XXIX. A similar
statement can be found in Chapter XVIII of The Scots Confession: 1560).
2. Modes
The modes or types of church discipline vary from the mild to the severe. The
following are biblical:
1. Admonition — either private or public [Rom: 15:14; Col 3:16; 1 Thess 5:I4; 2
Thess 3:14, Tit 3:10, 11]. The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘admonish’ as
‘to put (one) in mind to do a duty; to charge authoritatively, to exhort, to urge
(always with a tacit reference to the danger or penalty of failure).’ The Scripture
itself is a form of admonition [1 Cor. 10:11]. Christians ought to admonish and
encourage one another, for example, to do good works and to attend the
meetings of the church [Heb. 10:24, 25].
2. Reprove, rebuke, convince, convict [Matt. 18:15; Eph 5:11; 1 Tim 5:20; 2 Tim
4:2; Titus 1:9, 13, 2:15]. The Greek word (elenchō), which is used in the
passages just cited, is a rich word which means…to rebuke another with such
effectual wielding of the victorious arms of the truth, as to bring him, if not
always to a confession, yet at least to a conviction, of his sin…’ (R. C. Trench,
Synonyms of the New Testament, p. 12). This word is also used of the Holy
Spirit’s work in John 16:8, and is found on the lips of the enthroned Christ in
Revelation 3:19, where he says:
‘As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and

repent’. Thus, proper rebuke is an act of love. The proper guide in such
matters is the Word of God which we are told is ‘profitable… for reproof’ [2
Tim 3:16].
It is important that all Christians practise loving admonition and rebuke in their
relationships one with another. Many a Christian has been prevented from more
serious misbehaviour or error by the gentle rebuke of a brother in Christ. If
Christians would conscientiously apply admonition and rebuke, there would be
less need for excommunication. Knowing this, the faithful Christian is eager to
help turn sinners to repentance before excommunication becomes necessary.
Furthermore, Christians will help one another ‘grow up into him in all things’ if
they will obey the apostle’s admonition to be ‘speaking the truth in love’ [Eph
4:15].
As each Christian gives thought to his responsibility here, let it always be

remembered that the only proper source of admonitions and rebukes is the
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Word of God. This does not mean that we must always quote Scripture to one
another, but it certainly does mean that the substance of all admonitions and
rebukes must be soundly and clearly scriptural. We are not to offer one another
human ideas; but rather, are to speak with the authority of ‘Thus saith the Lord’.
This should be done in humility, remembering that we ourselves are nothing but
sinners saved by grace. Furthermore, repentance and faith constitute the way of
salvation for all Christians; thus we attempt to lead the sinner on the same path
which we ourselves must tread. We do not stand over them as superiors, but
beside them as brothers [Gal 6:1-3; 2 Thess 3:15].
3. Excommunication. The descriptions given by our Lord Jesus Christ and the
apostle Paul define this final form of discipline: ‘... if he neglect to hear the
church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican’ [Matt 18:17];
‘But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called
a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard,
or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat…. Therefore put away from among
yourselves that wicked person’ [1 Cor. 5:11, 13]. Thus this most severe of the
forms of discipline excludes the offender from the church and from all the
privileges of membership. However, while the person must certainly be
excluded from the Lord’s Supper, he is not excluded from attendance upon the
ministry of the Word preached and taught, for even nonbelievers are welcome
to the public assemblies [1 Cor 14:23-25]. That this form of discipline is
unpleasant and a cause for mourning [1 Cor 5:2] none would doubt.
Nevertheless, this practice has associated with it in the New Testament Christ’s
own direct sanction [Matt 18:18, 19]. Paul claims this sanction when he writes
concerning the Corinthian situation that the man is to be delivered to Satan (i.e.
put back into the world which is Satan’s domain), ‘in the name of our Lord Jesus
Christ’ and ‘with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ’ [1 Cor 5:4]. He could hardly
state more clearly and decisively that our Lord Jesus himself is the authority
behind true excommunication.
It is not to be thought that excommunication is irreversible, for the person who

repents of his sin and seeks God’s cleansing and pardon is to be welcomed
back into the fellowship of the church [1 Cor 2:6-8]. Indeed, it is the
responsibility of God’s people to continue to pray for any persons thus removed
from fellowship that God will bring them to repentance. On the other hand, so
long as they remain unrepentant they remain excommunicated. We recognize,
of course, that in this day and age the offender will often seek out another
church to attend in order to avoid repenting and submitting to the church which
loved him enough to discipline him. In such cases, the offender and the other
church must answer to God. The disciplining church, if it has done its duty well,
will be vindicated by the Lord in his own time. In view then of the severity of a
sentence of excommunication, it must be asked what offences would warrant
the use of this extreme censure.
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3. Proper Recipients
The church has both the responsibility and the authority to be involved with the
doctrine and the conduct of its members. To belong to the church requires
adherence to the doctrines and standards of conduct required in the Scriptures.
True disciples of Christ are always under his discipline which he administers in
many ways, chiefly through the church and its duly appointed officers. The very
Scriptures themselves are to be an instrument of discipline [2 Tim. 3:16], and
should be taught ‘with all authority’ [Titus 2:15].
All breaches of the biblical standards of doctrine and behaviour require some
form of discipline. Thus, every believer needs to be disciplined, and ‘whom the
Lord loves, he disciplines’ [Heb 12:6]. This does not mean, however, that
Christians may leave all disciplining to the Lord, thus forsaking their own
responsibilities to one another. We do not have the right to overlook clear
violations of Christian love, unity, law, and truth. Therefore, church discipline is
necessary when:
1. Christian love is violated by serious private offences. Jesus prescribes the

method of discipline in such cases in Matthew 18:15-18. Though such offences
may begin in secret, they must ultimately result in public censure if the offender
stubbornly refuses to repent. Such refusal to repent and be reconciled is a
severe aggravation of the sin involved and a continual breach of Christian love.
2. Christian unity is violated by those who form divisive factions which destroy
the peace of the church. Such persons must be watched, rebuked, and, if
necessary, removed [Romans 16:17,18; Titus 3:10].
3. Christian law is violated by those living scandalous lives. Such are those who
‘profess that they know God; but in works they deny him’ [Titus 1:16]. Biblical
Christianity undeniably teaches a high standard of conduct and morality. The
New Testament’s ethical instructions are many - Matt 15:19, 20; Rom 13:8-14;
Eph 4:25-6:8; Gal 3:5-4:6; 1 Thess 4:1-10; 2 Tim 3:22-4:5; Tit 2:1-3:3 – to
mention only a few. Those who live in habitual violation of biblical morality, and
refuse to repent when admonished and rebuked, must be removed from church
membership [1 Cor 5].
4. Christian truth is violated by those who reject essential doctrines of the faith
[1Tim 1:19, 20, 6:3-5; 2 Jn 7-11]. This does not mean that Christians should be
censured for failing to understand and receive every doctrine revealed in the
Bible, for all Christians are learning and growing. Rather, this refers to those
who knowingly reject any of those doctrines which the church considers
essential and fundamental. In the case of the pastors and elders of the church,
the standard is more rigid, since they are especially responsible to teach and
defend ‘all the counsel of God’ [Acts 20:27]. Thus they are responsible to
maintain all the doctrines of the Scripture (especially as embodied in their
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church’s creed), and are liable to discipline if they fail to do so [1 Tim 3:2,9;
Titus 1:9; James 3:1].
In each case, the cause of further discipline is impenitence. The person who will
not repent of his sin is not living like a Christian. Only the repentant sinner can
be counted as holy in Christ, and only the holy in Christ have a place in the
fellowship of the saints (i.e. holy ones), as members of Christ’s church.
Therefore, regardless of what the offender’s sin(s) might be, it is ultimately his
impenitence that must exclude him from the church. Repentant sinners, who
‘bring forth fruit in keeping with repentance [Matt 3:8], are what the church is
made of. This is why Martin Luther wrote in the first of his Ninety Five Theses
(1517); ‘Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, in saying “Repent ye, etc.,” meant
the whole life of the faithful to be an act of repentance.’ There is no place for the
impenitent, who are treasuring up ‘wrath against the day of wrath’ [Rom 2:5].
Even the religious activities of the unrepentant are worthless and abominable to
God [Prov. 15:8; 28:9; Amos 5:21-27; Malachi 2:11-14].
176
Bubna, The Spirit of Church Discipline
Donald Bubna, “The Spirit of Church Discipline.” In M Shelley (ed), Leading

Your Church through Conflict and Reconciliation. Minneapolis: Bethany House,
1997), 237-245.
25. The Spirit of Church Discipline
I want to treat others the way I’d want to be treated when needing reproof.
Debbie was a young woman in our congregation who had a knack for touching
lives. One day she told me something that was troubling her in the life of a
mutual friend, a fellow believer in our church.
Reviewing biblical principles together, we agreed certain logical steps of

confrontation should be followed. Debbie hesitated, then said reluctantly, “I
know biblically that’s right, but it seems so hard.”
Debbie’s orthodoxy is sound and so is her heart, but her response to church
discipline is typical of many in the church.
The exercise of discipline in the body of Christ is too often unpracticed. More
often than not the exceptions are legalistic groups where discipline is applied
rigidly to codes of dress and other externals. These surface problems are not of
great or lasting concern.
But what should the church do with a person indulging in delinquent behavior?
Or when we are faced with violations of honesty, morality, or integrity—issues to
which the Bible clearly speaks? What about the person who is showing an
unusual amount of interest in someone other than a spouse? Or one whose
business ethics are frequently questioned? Or the person who is flirtatious? Or
one who stretches the truth? Or the young couple who seem to have no control
over their child, or their finances? How do we help these people?
Rather than caring enough to confront, we tend to allow much error to go on

and on. Only if a scandal breaks out or pressure breaks up a marriage do we
begin to express concern. Usually, this is too late.
God calls us to a better way. I was convicted to think hard about discipline when
a parishioner asked me about my views on the subject. My response was
immediate: “I don’t think we deal with 50 percent of the discipline cases we
should deal with in this church.”
“But that’s 50 percent more than what anybody else we know is doing,” he
replied.
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Although this answer was probably an overstatement, it was an indicator of a

severe deficiency.
These, then, are the principles of discipline I share with fellow Christian
workers. My convictions are not meant to imply expertise. Rather, as a pilgrim
and a learner who deeply cares for the church, I am calling us to loving action.
Why discipline?
Paul told the Galatians that if a person is caught in any trespass or sin, those
who are spiritual ought to restore him (6:1). Discipline in the church is always to
be redemptive in nature. Its aim is not to show that we are right and others are
wrong. A child is corrected to save her from delinquency and to help her grow
into maturity. The Galatians text sees the person caught in sin as the victim of a
trap of the evil one. The call for the church is to “rescue the perishing.”
Take, for example, the case Debbie discussed with me. Her friends had a
teenage daughter, Ann, who worked in a store after school. Several times she
had to work into the evening and was brought home by the store’s owner, who
was also in our fellowship. An open note sent to Ann by this man thanked her
for listening to his long tales of mistreatment as a child and lack of appreciation
as an adult. He emphasized the significance of Ann’s sympathetic ear, since no
one else, even his wife, seemed to understand. Ann’s alarmed parents shared
this with Debbie, who brought it to me.
It worked out naturally for me to visit with the parents. The father told me his
first reaction was “to paste the guy good!”—not an abnormal response for a
protective father, but hardly a redemptive act.
Since Ann’s parents were acquainted with the store owner and were mature
Christians, we decided they should confront him directly. After the father’s initial
reaction, I felt he took a balanced view of the situation and realized his intention
was to be redemptive rather than vindictive. We agreed the store owner was
probably caught in an emotional trap, or at least did not have perspective. Such
an encounter might well keep him from going off the deep end.
Neglecting a confrontation, on the other hand, might contribute to our brother’s

downfall and even indirectly cause serious injury to another less fortunate “Ann”
in his future.
Relationship web
The church is a family; we are brothers and sisters. We cannot choose our
siblings, for it is the Spirit’s work to bring them to new birth and into the family.
As family, we belong to one another.
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“Family” implies responsibility and accountability. I sometimes do things or take

risks for my two earthly brothers only because they are my brothers.
A church family is equally responsible and accountable to one another. Effective

discipline takes place in the context of these relationships. “Faithful are the
wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6).
Our church was involved in a building program, never an easy time in the life of
a local congregation. One day the moderator of our board requested that the
two of us go to lunch, and that I stop by this office before we ate. Richard, a
capable executive and good friend, came right to the point: “I know you have a
mind for details, Don, and this building program is not the easiest thing we have
ever done. But you’re driving our building chairman up the wall with your
ceaseless probing of every detail.”
That hurt. I thought my questions were necessary. I’d thought I caught several
mistakes just in time to prevent serious building errors. Richard kept boring in:
“Don, you have to back off and give this man room.” He was right, of course.
As I left, I felt much chastised. But I also felt something else. Richard had taken
a great risk in confronting me, and therefore I knew he cared about me deeply. I
felt that love. Our close friendship gave him credibility.
If a parent or sibling in the family communicates with another family member

only to correct, little positive response is guaranteed. The church elder as well,
seen only from a distance serving communion or interviewing for membership,
has built little basis to give reproof when it is needed. If he never visits or invites
others into his home, he will not be heard as clearly as the elder who has
become a true brother.
Disciplers of men and women are tuned in to the web of relationships in their
fellowship. A weakening of this web produces a distress signal in the caring
church and should initiate action. If we reach out early, our later efforts in times
of serious trouble will be more meaningful. If, however, we allow someone to
grow distant from our fellowship without trying to find out why, there is no
platform for later confrontation or healing.
Bible procedures
“When all else fails, read the directions,” we often say. The words of Jesus
(Matt. 18:15–17) give us clear directions on the procedure of church discipline.
Too often, leadership within the local body, charged with the responsibility of
discipline in the church, is either unfamiliar with these instructions or treats them
as irrelevant.
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between
the two of you.” This calls for an open fellowship where people can honestly
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talk to one another about differences, shortcomings, sins. When I sense there is
sin, to take action is a loving act. Every marriage counselor knows that where
wrongs have taken place and no communication follows, that marriage is on the
road to failure.
But the reproval should be private. The person who feels offended may have
misunderstood. This is the time to gather information and to learn. It is not the
time to gossip, an act that brings injury to the church family. In a healthy church,
private reproval will be common practice.
Let’s say, for example, John is irritated by Roger’s habitual absences from
board meetings and seeming laxness in corporate prayer ministries. It’s time for
John to take the matter to the Father in prayer. Then, if a valid concern persists
(not borne solely out of irritation), to face Roger gently. He may learn that
Roger’s time and energy have been drained by family or business pressures.
The confrontation will enhance John’s understanding of Roger; it also should
enlarge Roger’s sense of accountability and bring into focus the need to
balance his priorities. If both of their attitudes are correct, brotherhood will
thrive.
When approached by a fellow member of the body of Christ about any matter,
the Matthew passage says we have a responsibility to listen: “If he listens, you
have won your brother.”
When confronted, my first tendency is to think, Here we go again! This is quickly

followed by a raising of my defense mechanisms. I immediately want to justify
my actions. Learning to listen, however, stretches me. One way I try to listen is
by summarizing to the person what he or she has said. I ask the person to
correct my summary; I want him or her to know I have really listened.
My attempts to listen to reproof have been good for my character, an aid in my

development, and a bridge-builder in our church’s web of relationships.
Once in a staff gathering I felt pressed and harried. A matter arose that irritated
me. Wishing to dispose of it in a hurry, I responded quickly and firmly.
Later, a fellow staff member said, “Don, I’m not sure you understood how you
handled that.” He then role-played my actions. I immediately saw my
overreaction. His reproof brought direction to me, strengthened my relationship
with the staff member who cared enough to confront, and allowed me to mend
the fence with the person I offended.
“If he will not listen, take one or two others along.” If the first step does not
bring the needed response in private, it is time to involve three or four people.
The new people are not there to substantiate our prejudices but to bring new
objectivity as God gives them spiritual insights. Again, the emphasis is on
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listening. God wants us to make an effort to understand what is being

communicated. The risk is greater now, and it always must be remembered that
the motivation is redemption. Although moving into the group process is scary, it
does improve the attention level.
The winning of a brother or sister is not apt to be a simple, onetime contact; it

will most likely be a series of contacts. Restoration takes a lot of nurture.
Some years ago, a close friend of mine and leader in our church became
involved in a relationship that seemed unhealthy. Mary was an empathetic
person whose official church responsibility brought her into frequent contact
with Tom. It appeared Tom and Mary were seeing each other outside their
official responsibilities.
When I approached Mary, she admitted it, defending the friendship as a needed
ministry to Tom, who was struggling physically and emotionally.
The first confrontation brought no changes, so I went again. Mary kindly

informed me that I was misjudging the situation. She would be cautious, but I
should not be concerned. I felt she was not listening. At this point, I found it
necessary to involve other church leaders. This time, both Mary and Tom
listened, and both families were helped.
“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.” In Jesus’ time, there
was not a structured local church. The organism did not yet have the form it
would take in the book of Acts and in the Epistles. This aids us in understanding
the importance of the principle of communicating a situation requiring discipline
to the larger body.
I am not certain that there is one way to “tell it to the church.” Scripture seems
ambiguous about this; when this happens, I lean toward cultural flexibility in
carrying out principles.
Thus, in our church, we use our full elder board. Two or three cases reach this
level each year. In such instances, the elders report it in our bulletin along with
other agenda items. Names are used only in the extreme cases involving
excommunication.
Several years ago our church was hit with an epidemic of divorces. Several
were among leaders or prominent families. All of us were concerned, and some
of our older members were upset at “what our church was coming to.” After
consultation, several elders and I decided to make a statement to the church
regarding our position toward the discipline process.
Near the close of a Sunday morning service, I asked the people to listen
prayerfully to a statement of concern. I placed the statement in the context of
the troubled marriages we were experiencing in society. I regretfully informed
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them of what we all already knew: that our church was not untouched by these
tragedies, and that some of our families were in crucial struggles.
I said that the elders were concerned and were working with two hands
extended: one of mercy and grace toward healing, and the other of the
unchanging standard of God’s Word, which stood for the sanctity and
permanency of the home. I reminded them that marriage vows were for life.
I then called the church to love these people, to pray for them, and to abstain
from judgment; and to pray for the elders who were making difficult decisions. I
committed us as a church to teach more effectively the scriptural admonitions
for husbands and wives.
“If he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan
or a tax collector.” An outcast. We treat the person as a nonbeliever, because
he or she is not walking as a believer. It means to keep loving the person as
Jesus loved the publicans and sinners. It means to reach out to her in witness,
but not to relate to her as a member of the body of Christ. Like all evangelistic
outreach, the goal is to bring a soul to Christ and back into the functioning body.
In twenty-five years as a pastor, I have participated in the step of

excommunication only three times. This is an extremely heavy responsibility.
But Jesus says in this passage, “Where two or three come together in my
name, there I am with them,” and this action—loving discipline—is agreed upon
in heaven (Matt. 18:20).
Some years ago Dick and his wife started attending our church about the time
we were developing a newly-married couples group. Dick, a student at a nearby
Christian college, announced to the church that God had called him to preach
the gospel. People admired his dedication. His sincerity seemed evident to
many by his frequent testimonies. Some folks concluded that this exceptionally
spiritual young man should be groomed for leadership within the young
marrieds’ group.
Fortunately, Dick never rose to leadership, for God provided sufficient checks in
the hearts of more mature people not to place him in a leadership position.
Shortly, a relationship developed between Dick and his wife and another
couple, and they began to spend time together. Their lessening involvement in
our fellowship should have been a warning to us. A few months later, Dick
announced he was divorcing his wife to marry the woman from the other couple.
One of our pastors continued to reach out to Dick but wasn’t heard. Finally,
several went to confront Dick. He refused to listen to these men, stating flatly,
“God told me my first wife would never be compatible in the ministry, and that I
needed this kind of wife. God told me to do this.”
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The matter was now brought to the entire board of elders. They decided
prayerfully to remove Dick from fellowship and then communicate it to the whole
church by way of a bulletin announcement.
A letter was written to Dick expressing our concern, our understanding of what
he had done (based on Scripture), our love, and the responsibility we accepted
in dismissing him from our fellowship.
Within a few months, Dick, now remarried, moved to a distant state where he
thought he could start a church in a small community. We felt it our obligation to
write the ministers of that community about the action we had taken. This was
done in hope of restoring Dick to fellowship.
Young couples in our church watched us to see what the church would do about
Dick. They were not “out to get” him. Their question was: “Does the church
really believe what is preached from the pulpit about the permanency of the
home, about purity, about the sanctity of marriage?”
Our courage to act was well received; it strengthened our people’s confidence
in the church.
Five years later, Dick visited Salem, and he left word that he now felt our church
had done the right thing. He had finally recognized his error.
Tough kind of love
The New Testament makes clear that the exercise of church discipline is for
those “who are spiritual” (Gal. 6:1), and that discipline is to be carried out in a
spirit of “meekness.” Every incident of serious discipline is an awesome
reminder of my own weakness.
I want to treat others the way I’d want to be treated when needing reproof: I
would desire the absence of harshness or condemnation, and a preeminence of
the spirit of Christ, who, as our living high priest, would put his arm around us,
saying, “I know, I understand, I also once lived as a man.”
Where this is true, there will always be the extending of forgiveness up to

“seventy times seven.”
Debbie is right. Church discipline is hard. It requires courage—a tough kind of

love. It is biblical; it is right. Do we believe this truth enough to act?
183
Dobson, Restoring a Fallen Colleague
Edward Dobson, “Restoring a Fallen Colleague.” E Dobson, S Leas & M

Shelley. Mastering Conflict & Controversy (Portland: Christianity Today, 1997),
118-145.
26. Restoring a Fallen Colleague
Ultimately, in the restoration process, you’ve got to make a judgment

call. Because discernment is so difficult, a group needs to be involved
—no individual is capable of seeing the whole picture.
The sanctuary of Temple Baptist Church near Detroit is an imposing and

intimidating structure. Built in the late 1960s, it seats 4,000 people. The church
has a rich tradition in the independent Baptist movement, at the forefront of the
evangelism, Sunday school, and church growth movements of the twentieth
century.
I had spoken there many times before on happier occasions. But on this
Sunday as I sat on the platform, it was different. I tried to sing the hymns, but I
cried. I tried to concentrate on the special music, but my attention was riveted
on the family in the first row. They were clinging to each other as if afraid to let
go. They looked out of place, even though they had been in the church for
years.
I tried to smile at them, and they tried to smile back. But it was obvious to both
of us that there was little to smile about.
Many in the choir had tears in their eyes. It was like a funeral service; everyone
putting on the best front possible, yet feeling that at any moment the emotions
could come unglued.
It might have been easier had I not been so close to the family in the front row.
Truman Dollar was a mentor and a friend. When I was considering leaving
Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia, it was Truman who
counseled me nearly every day. When I moved to Grand Rapids and needed
advice in making decisions as a pastor, I turned to him.
Looking at him now from the pulpit, I could not believe he was about to resign
as pastor. It all seemed so unreal.
The events of the last week flooded my mind.
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The Unwelcome News
On the previous Monday, the phone rang. I answered, and in his resonant
voice. Jerry Falwell, the man I’d worked with for almost fifteen years, said,
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I replied. “I had to answer the phone.” We laughed.
Jerry quickly got serious.
“Have you heard about Truman’s situation?” Without waiting for an answer, he
continued, “I just talked to Curt Wilson, the chairman of the Temple Baptist
deacon board. Truman has had some problems and is going to resign. They
wanted me to come and help, but my visibility would only hurt the situation.
Since you’ve helped in these kinds of situations before, I suggested that he call
you.” He briefly described some of the problems and assured me of his prayer
and support.
“Call me if you need any help,” he said. Shortly after I hung up the phone, it
rang again.
“Dr. Dobson,” the voice said, “Dr. Jerry Falwell suggested I call you to see if you
could help us.” Curt Wilson and I spent almost an hour on the phone.
He explained that two years ago, Truman’s 15-year-old son had overheard him
talking to a woman from their former church. The conversation contained
inappropriate sexual content. The son, not knowing what to do, told the youth
pastor what he had heard, who in turn confronted Truman.
Truman admitted he had spoken inappropriately, asked forgiveness, and the

matter seemed settled.
Now, two years later, that episode resurfaced, and the entire deacon board had
been informed. After a lengthy and stormy meeting, the deacons concluded
they should ask for Truman’s resignation.
“The announcement will be made this coming Sunday,” Curt said. “Would you
be willing to preach on Sunday morning and evening, and meet with our
deacons to begin sorting through the specific steps that need to be taken?”
“First of all, I would need to consult our board for their advice and wisdom,” I
said. “I haven’t been here that long, and I made an agreement to submit to their
authority; I would not want to do something so dramatic without their complete
support.” I made arrangements for an emergency board meeting the next day at
noon.
185
I didn’t sleep much that night. I was shocked, disappointed, and hurt. I knew this
would be a long and difficult week. I wasn’t sure what our board would think. I
wasn’t even sure I was capable of giving advice or leadership in this complex
situation. I did decide, however, that I would not walk away from Truman. He
had been my friend, was still my friend, and would always be my friend.
Whether or not I got officially involved in the situation, I would still stand by his
side.
The next day at the emergency board meeting, almost everyone was there.
While a few kidded and laughed before the meeting, everyone could tell
something serious was about to happen. I’m sure some of them thought
perhaps I was in trouble.
After I recounted my conversation with Curt Wilson and Jerry Falwell, the board
unanimously encouraged me to go to Temple, work with their deacon board,
and preach for them on Sunday.
But they also felt that the pressure of this situation should not be faced alone.
They promised to pray for my ministry at Temple, and they appointed three men
to go with me as a source of encouragement, strength, wisdom, and support.
In retrospect, I am deeply grateful that these men went with me. Ken Ellis, the
youngest member, is a licensed psychologist and has keen insight into human
behavior. Adrian VanWyk, the elder statesman of the group, is one of the
pastors at our church and had been through similar church situations before.
Philip Nymeyer is a no-nonsense, get-to-the-bottom-line businessman. I knew
that in a tense situation, these men could get to the fundamental issues quickly.
On Wednesday, I traveled alone to Detroit to meet with Curt Wilson, some of

the staff, and the Dollar family. It was a long drive. I had several hours for
reflection. I thought about the many times that Truman and I had talked together
on the telephone. I thought about the time we were together in California when
he was struggling with whether to leave his former church in Kansas City and
move to Detroit. I remember his pain as he sought to do what God wanted.
I thought about the time we were together at a conference with sixty other
fundamentalist preachers. I delivered a lecture on the differences between
liberals, evangelicals, and fundamentalists. I remember his willingness to be
used as my illustration of a not-quite-true fundamentalist because he wore a
gold chain around his neck. People laughed and clapped. I also remembered
jogging with Truman the next day.
I recalled the times he had come to Lynchburg. As columnists for

Fundamentalist Journal, we would often read our material to one another over
the phone and suggest changes to each other. We had developed a kinship
over the years, and I was afraid our relationship was about to change forever.
186
Talking with Truman
When I pulled into his driveway, I noticed a FOR SALE sign in front of the house.
When I walked in the house, Truman and Donna embraced me, and we stood
together and cried. As we talked, Donna made it clear she was completely
supportive of her husband.
“I’m determined to stand with him—whatever happens,” she said.
The rest of the family was there, and it was a house filled with activity. Truman
and I excused ourselves and went to the basement, a large room, carpeted and
paneled, empty except for a desk and a couple of folding chairs in one corner.
The family had often hosted large groups of church members there. And there
we sat, and through the tears he poured out his story to me.
He talked about how hard the move from Kansas City to Detroit had been on his
family—how they had to leave home and friends.
He told about the increasing pressure of the ministry, about coming from a
church he’d built for over twenty years into a church that had a lot of problems
and was in decline, a church that wasn’t overly receptive to him.
He mentioned how the decision to admit blacks into membership had cost the
church several families. The recent discussion about relocating the church was
even more volatile. And Truman was the target of most of the anger.
During this period, he had been talking to a couple who were lifelong friends.
Sometimes when the husband wasn’t home, Truman would talk to the wife.
During those conversations, Truman began sharing the pressures and
discouragement he was feeling.
Later Truman said, “Looking back, that was a fatal mistake. There were other
people who could have listened. I said things that were inappropriate and
wrong. I’m embarrassed and ashamed of what I said. I was neither unfaithful
physically nor were we ever together. But with my suggestive language, I was
clearly in sin. I still find it hard to talk about what I said to her.”
It was during one of those conversations that his teenage son picked up another
extension and listened in. He was shocked by what he heard.
Shortly thereafter, his son went on a youth retreat. He talked privately to the
youth pastor about what he had heard his dad say. When they came back from
the retreat, the son and the youth pastor confronted Truman. He reluctantly
admitted he had said those things.
“This kind of language and conversation is completely out of character for me,”
said Truman. “I asked their forgiveness and promised to stop any further
conversations with this woman.”
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They agreed that no one else needed to know about this.
But the secret between Truman and the youth pastor created intense pressure.
Their relationship began to deteriorate.
“When the youth pastor would do something poorly and I would talk to him
about it, he would say, ‘Well, I guess I’m not the only person who has messed
up.’ As his performance slipped, I thought about firing him, but it was clear, at
least to me, that he was holding our secret over my head. He repeatedly
threatened me, and I knew he could go public.
“In retrospect,” said Truman, “I should have gone to the deacon board right
then, told them what was happening to me, and asked for their help. They
probably would have put me on a leave of absence, gotten me some help, and
nursed me back to health.”
In time, however, the youth pastor confided in some other staff members. The
church had been incurring excessive long-distance telephone charges, so
Truman installed a device to log the numbers of all calls placed. Reviewing the
log one month, one of those church staff members noted the number of the
woman who had been involved in the inappropriate conversations had been
called from Truman’s line. Assuming the conversations had resumed, he told
the whole story to some others.
One Sunday, right after the morning service, the staff members confronted
Truman in his office with their accusations and documentation.
“What in fact had happened,” said Truman, “is that the woman’s husband had
called when I was out. I returned the call and talked to him. I didn’t consider that
a recurrence. I tried to present my side of things, but the staff members insisted
the incident had not been handled properly two years before, and now they
wanted my immediate resignation.
“It didn’t take me long to discover that this confrontation involved more than a
discussion of purity. It was a well-planned revolution, a palace coup. If I didn’t
resign, they said, they would make the matter public.
“I didn’t bother to defend myself. I was humiliated and helpless. All of a sudden,
something I thought had been taken care of was exposed.”
Truman later admitted to me that he was traumatized that afternoon, not

thinking or acting logically after the painful confrontation by several staff
members: “I was left alone in my office for a few minutes. My mind played tricks
on me. I thought that perhaps the damage done to my family and the church
would be minimized if I were not alive.
188
“My youngest son’s 30–30 deer rifle was in my office; a staff member had
recently cleaned it for me. I took a soft-nosed shell from a case and nervously
shoved it into the chamber. For a fleeting moment I thought the easiest thing
would be to end it all.”
Fortunately, Truman’s wife and secretary arrived about that time, and he was
not left alone again. He didn’t tell his wife.
“I realize how self-centered this would have been,” he later told me. “I was
thinking only of myself. It was also a denial of everything I had ever preached
about accountability, about God caring and being in control.” (He was so
embarrassed that only after three years was he able to admit publicly the
incident.)
That night, Truman and Donna walked slowly out of the church study toward the
two flights of stairs that would lead them to the parking lot. It had been a long
afternoon. From the nearby auditorium of historic Temple Baptist Church in
Detroit, they could hear the congregation singing hymns they had known all of
their lives. The Sunday evening service had begun.
“It was the first time in thirty years that for a reason other than illness we had
missed a Sunday evening service,” he said. “It seemed strange not to be there.
I was officially still the pastor, but in my heart I knew that would change quickly
—everything would change quickly. We were in great pain.”
They thought about the congregation, which was also in pain that night. The
church was not told why Truman was not in the pulpit. The congregation knew
nothing of the events that transpired that afternoon. They would not learn until
the next Sunday.
That night Truman and Donna just wanted to disappear—so they spent that
night alone: “We did not want to meet or talk to anyone. Donna and I were both
numb, silent, overwhelmed with the events of the afternoon. Our whole world
had just caved in. We felt abandoned by both God and man. We were both
stunned. Thirty years of ministry gone—no job, no security, no future.”
Still, in a curious way, Truman was relieved that he would now be forced to deal
with his sin: “My repentance had been private but incomplete. Now I could deal
with it thoroughly and publicly.”
He recognized that he needed to make restitution to people whom he had

injured with his actions, and although restoration was not going to be easy, he
was determined to begin the process: “There’s never a convenient time to
interrupt life and deal with burdensome personal problems,” he later said, “but
that day’s events forced me to deal with them. It’s clear that a sovereign God
determined the time of my restoration in his own wisdom, but it was not all that
obvious then. Still, I resolved then and there to begin to rebuild my broken life.”
189
About that night he also told me: “I know that I was not thinking clearly, but that
night I developed a strange sense of peace, and there was almost no anxiety.”
Two days before I had my talk with Truman, he had begun the task of informing
people whom he needed to tell personally. It was much like informing the
members of the family when a death has occurred, he said.
At 2 P.M.that day, he called his daughter Sonya and his son Tim, both of whom
live in Kansas City with their spouses. By 5:30 that afternoon, both of them were
on a plane to Detroit to join Truman and Donna. They stayed the entire week,
and all the family members were by his side on the platform the next Sunday
when he publicly resigned.
Truman later told me that during that week, he became increasingly aware of
the historical significance of what was occurring: “I knew each word would be
recorded and every scratch of paper saved in the archives of the church. I
remembered the hours I spent reading some of those decade-old records of
bitter conflict. Now, my own name was to appear and the record would not be
good. I could not voice how regretful I was at how future generations would
likely judge me.”
I realized other factors were at work in all this. It suddenly occurred to me that
every time I’d talked to Truman in the last year or so, he’d mentioned how tired
he was, how hard he was working, how difficult the situation was, how spiritually
drained he felt. I suspected that he saw resignation as at least some ray of hope
that I can get off this treadmill and out of this rat race.
After our conversation that afternoon, Truman wanted to get out of the house
and away from the telephone. So Truman, his two sons, and I played an
afternoon of golf. The sun was shining; the course was beautiful. For a few
temporary moments, everything was normal again. Tim talked about his law
practice. Devon talked about his girlfriends. I talked about Calvary Church.
Truman talked about golf.
All too quickly the game ended, and we rode back to Truman’s house. We
walked past the FOR SALE sign and back into the harsh reality of an uncertain
future.
I returned to Grand Rapids.
Identifying My Goals in the Process
I met my traveling companions at 2 P.M. in the parking lot of Calvary Church the
next Saturday. We packed our stuff in the back of a Jeep Cherokee and made
the trip from Grand Rapids to Detroit. I updated the men on my conversations
with Truman, Curt, and others.
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Pastor VanWyk recounted in detail his experience with a similar situation many
years ago. He told us about the long-term consequences of that incident in the
people’s lives and how the church had become divided over the issue. Some
people wanted to forgive the pastor and accept him as if nothing had happened.
Others wanted to defrock him forever. Others didn’t know what to do. Pastor
VanWyk had served as a moderator, and as a result, much of the anger in the
church had been directed toward him.
I was beginning to sense that there was no simple, predictable strategy with
which to respond to this situation. The damage had been done, and the best
that we could do was exercise some sort of damage control.
But as we drove, the role I would need to play began coming into focus. I
identified four goals. I vowed to try
1. To ensure that they treated Truman with dignity. Even if he had done wrong,
it wasn’t right to stomp on him.
2. To help the church work through the shock and the swirling emotions, and to
help them see that there was hope beyond this, that this was not the end of
effective ministry at Temple.
3. To communicate a biblical perspective. The key in all of this was to respond

not according to what they felt but according to the principles of Scripture. I
knew that some people in the church were delighted Truman messed up; they
didn’t like him to begin with. The whole church, and especially these people,
needed to accept the biblical command to forgive.
4. To discourage the church from making hasty decisions. While some people
would want Truman’s head on a platter, others would insist he hadn’t done
anything seriously wrong. Some would want him skinned alive; others would
want to vote him back in as pastor. My goal was to help prevent the church from
splitting.
The Divisive Decision
We checked into the Holiday Inn and went to dinner. Curt Wilson joined us, and
we talked about the deacons meeting to be held that evening. We then rode
together to the church. Everyone was there, including the staff member who
had confronted Truman several years before and the staff members and
deacon who had confronted him the previous week, bringing the issue to the full
deacon board.
I looked around the room. I felt sorry for the staff and deacons. They had lost
their leader. They seemed unsure of what to do.
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The first couple of hours of the meeting were spent recounting the details of the
situation and the steps that had been taken so far in dealing with it. It quickly
became clear that the group was significantly divided. Everyone felt that
Truman had done wrong. However, some felt that the actions of those who
accused Truman were just as wrong as what Truman had done.
Some tense charges and countercharges were exchanged:
“It’s obvious that some leaders in this church are willing to sweep sin under the
rug, to forsake their integrity to prevent embarrassment.”
“It looks to me as though some people on staff here are trying to use this
unfortunate episode to further their own careers. If anyone should come under
church discipline, it’s the staff!”
“This thing is two years old, and there hasn’t been a recurrence of the
questionable behavior. Truman should stay on as pastor.”
“When such a serious sin is committed, spiritual leadership is forfeited!”
We reached an impasse. The three men from our church were sitting in the
back, and I could see them bowed in prayer. I knew God was our only hope for
bringing harmony to the group.
“Listen,” I said. “The real issue here is not whether we like the way things were
handled. The issue is that we have a pastor who’s resigned, and we need to
address that issue.”
I suggested that we pray, and I insisted that we all get on our knees.
I began, not knowing what I would say. It was one of the longest prayers I have
ever uttered in a public meeting. I prayed for those in leadership, for the Dollar
family, and for the church. Then I broke down and began sobbing. I asked God
to protect each of us from making these same kind of mistakes. I told God I
didn’t want ever to embarrass his name. I didn’t want to let down the church that
called me as its pastor. I didn’t want to hurt my family. By the time I was through
praying almost everyone in the room was weeping.
Then we took a break. When we came back, we began dealing with how we
were going to face tomorrow. I sensed a different spirit at that point. Instead of
Where should we attach the blame? the question became How do we proceed
from here? Amid the tension, we all seemed to realize that if we were to sit in a
position of authority and decision making, we needed to be humble before the
Lord.
We also realized that regardless of how serious we each thought Truman’s

blunder or how meaningful we judged his repentance, we knew he couldn’t stay
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on as pastor—the anger and confusion of so many members made continuing

untenable. So we discussed Truman’s resignation and what needed to happen.
After some disagreement, we finally concluded that Truman should personally

read the statement to the church. Some, especially on the staff, felt it should be
read for him, that Truman shouldn’t even be there. They wanted him just to
disappear.
I responded, “If you handle it that way, it will appear to the congregation that he
got railroaded. And if that’s the perception, they’ll railroad every staff member
out of here. Unless people can see that Truman is convinced this is the right
thing to do, the church will split. Our only chance to minimize the damage is for
him to be there and allow people to see him, to see his family, to hear him
confess his wrong. And they need opportunity afterward to say good-bye.”
The group also agreed that Curt and I should meet with Truman to discuss the
resignation and the events of the next day. We concluded that the statement
should be honest about the reason for his resignation, although not explicit. We
decided he should simply say he’d had “inappropriate conversations” with a
woman.
We knew that what he read and how he read it would have a profound impact
on how the congregation would respond. Indeed, the statement would serve as
a document people would repeatedly refer to. In fact, one of the later sources of
conflict was over the fact that the word sin was not used. In retrospect, perhaps
it should have been, although those angry at Truman would probably have
found other things to criticize.
We discussed how the resignation should be handled publicly, who would

moderate the meetings, and who would speak to the press. We wanted a
coherent and consistent position. We eventually came to consensus on each of
these issues.
Then Curt and I drove to Truman’s house. We sat in the basement with Truman,
discussing his resignation statement. We talked through the events of the next
morning. Where would Truman sit during church? Would he come in prior to the
service or shortly after it started? Would he be there for Sunday school? In one
respect, these seemed like insignificant points, but in light of what was about to
happen, we all knew we had to pay attention to every detail.
Curt dropped me off at the Holiday Inn about 1:30 A.M. I still didn’t know what I
would preach. Normally I spend twenty hours in study for a Sunday sermon. I
am not the kind who can stand up with minimal preparation and say something
significant. That night, however, I read some Scriptures, prayed, and went to
bed without knowing what I was going to say. I trusted that God would give me
special wisdom for this important day.
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The Announcement
As I sat on the platform, the past week seemed like an eternity. I had cried more
in the last week than I had in years. And now the whirlwind was approaching the
moment of resignation.
“I’ve preached in this pulpit many times,” I began. “And I always look forward to
being here, with the exception of today. I wouldn’t have chosen to preach here
today. But I’m going to anyway. And I have decided, for the sake of safety, to
preach the sermon I preached last Sunday at Calvary Church. It’s about David
—and anyone else who ever made a mistake.”
After my sermon, on David and Bathsheba, a staff member gave a public

invitation for people to join the church. It seemed so odd to be concerned about
church members when the pastor was about to resign. Nevertheless, several
came forward with the desire to unite with the church.
At the end of the service. Curt stepped to the microphone and announced a
special meeting of the church and graciously dismissed everyone who was not
a member of the congregation. Since I had been asked by the deacons to be
part of this unusual day, I stayed.
Truman, surrounded by his entire family, came to the microphone and read the
statement of resignation.
When he finished, someone yelled from the audience, “Mr. Chairman, I move
we refuse to accept this resignation.”
A cheer erupted from the audience. Another man shouted support for Truman. It
was immediately clear that the position of the deacons was dramatically
different than the emotional response of the congregation. I knew in an instant
that the situation could turn into a major conflict.
Before Curt could respond, Truman stepped to the microphone with a brief
display of his strong leadership.
“That is not the issue,” he said. “What I did was wrong, and whether you want
me to pastor or not, I don’t feel qualified to be your pastor. I am stepping down,
and there is nothing you can do to change that. The deacons have done nothing
that is improper.”
Afterward, Truman stood in front of the altar, and people came by to hug him
and say good-bye. For two and a half hours, I watched an incredible outpouring
of love and feeling.
One of the staff members said, “This is awful!”
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“No,” I said. “This is important. This feeling has to be vented. Most people out
there have messed up, many of them a whole lot worse than Truman. Anyone
who has ever made a bad decision in life will throw arms around him and say,
‘Thank God you’re one of us.’ ”
Another person came up to me and said, “You whitewashed the whole situation.
You even compromised the Scripture. You said in your sermon that David
‘made a mistake.’ King David didn’t make a mistake; he sinned.”
My emotions churned. How could anyone consider this whitewashing? The

pastor admitted his action, confessed it publicly, asked the people to forgive
him, and was now suffering the consequences of resignation. He was leaving
the only thing he had done for thirty years. He was suffering public humiliation
and embarrassment. He might never again return to pastoral ministry. And this
guy thought we were whitewashing it? What more did he want? I felt hurt.
In the weeks that followed, I would learn that everyone had different reactions to
the situation. In most such cases, I’ve learned, rarely is there unanimous
support for any action.
I returned to the hotel exhausted. I opened my Bible to Galatians 6:1–8, the text
I had decided would be the focus of my sermon for the evening.
Almost everyone came back to church that night. I preached ninety minutes. It
was one of the most difficult sermons I have ever preached. I pledged publicly
that I would stand with Truman through this crisis, to help “bear one another’s
burden.” But I also preached that he was suffering the consequences of his
behavior, that he had responsibility to “bear his own burden.”
On the way home that evening, I was totally drained. I knew people had
misunderstood my sermons during the day, but I was glad for the
encouragement and support of the men from Calvary. I was so filled with
insecurities, I talked the whole way home. I didn’t want to be alone with my
feelings and my thoughts; I wanted to sense from them that I had done and said
the right things.
I lay down that night and wondered where Truman and Donna were. What were
they thinking? What were they talking about? How were they feeling? It was a
Father’s Day I will never forget.
Donna’s New Role
Life for Truman and Donna that week was incredibly hectic. People were in his
house from early morning until the late hours of the evening. And the phone
rang continuously. They received over five hundred long-distance phone calls.
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Some life-long friends did not call, while people he had known only casually—
who had heard him speak at conferences or heard his tapes, read his books
and articles—called several times. And there were the intimate friends who
called often to comfort.
Knowing that his life was changing forever, Truman began to keep a daily diary.
He wrote his feelings and observations. He recorded his reaction to Scriptures
where he found comfort and instruction: “I believed it would be therapeutic for
me. It was a very personal and private way to express myself. At times, it was
as if I was writing about someone else, but I knew I was describing the collapse
of my own life.”
He wrote a series of observations in his diary, which he couched in what he

called “Laws of Human Nature.”
First law of human nature: The speed at which news spreads is directly related
to its degree of badness.
Second law of human nature: When admitting something bad about oneself, the
capacity to focus blame on others is infinite.
Third law of human nature: Nothing is totally appreciated until it is irretrievably

lost.
Fourth law of human nature: Nothing you do in the future can erase the past;
but with your life, you can give significance to the past.
He also bought an IBM-PC and began to write, but he says, “Most of the material
I have never let anyone read.”
I found out later some of the things that were happening to the Dollars. Among
other things, an unlikely hero had emerged. Donna had always been a faithful
and loving pastor’s wife. She was also admired and loved by each congregation
Truman served. She was, however, very quiet and lived in the background of
Truman’s more dominant pastoral and family role.
“As I led the church,” Truman says, “she was always by my side, often in the
shadows. In the home, I disciplined the children, handled the finances, and
made almost all the decisions. This seemed to be in accord with her desire. It
appeared to me she had chosen this quiet supporting role and that it best fitted
her personality.”
On the day Truman’s life fell apart, though, she emerged as a strong figure by
his side: “Her response was quick, decisive, and natural. She was supportive
both in private and in public. She defended me, loved me, and comforted me.
She became my great strength and constant partner.
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“It was like she was transformed in a single day; and she has remained a strong
help ever since. All four children were amazed at her sudden strength and
admired her transformation.”
Truman has since wondered how to explain this dramatic change. “I suppose it
is like trying to explain how the pliable vice-president Harry Truman became the
strong-willed president at Roosevelt’s death. Some believe he was always
strong and the new role gave him opportunity to display it. Others believe the
pressure of the job made him strong.
“I am not sure what happened with Donna except I know it was a spiritual
process, and without her sacrifice and support, restoration would not have been
possible.”
Short-Term Strategies
The initial crisis was over; however, the long process of putting the pieces back
together was only beginning.
In a crisis situation, there are no timeouts. There is no quiet withdrawal from the
whitewater to meditate and sort through what you are going to do. You must
respond with haste and decision. The next week was a blur of events.
Looking back, I’ve identified several key tasks we had to handle immediately.
• Help the congregation process the emotion. When an event of this

magnitude hits a congregation, people have to deal with questions, fears, and
disillusionment. I encouraged the leaders at Temple to go overboard to give
people opportunity to talk about this—to let it out, to express their feelings.
So for several weeks, they let people know that half a dozen deacons and staff
would be at Temple Baptist each night between 7 and 9 P.M. to talk about the
issues. But mostly they listened to, reassured, and prayed with people.
• Control the flow of information to the media. We didn’t want a disjointed,

inconsistent picture presented to the media, so we appointed one person to be
the church spokesman. Whenever anyone needed information about Truman or
the church’s response, this person spoke officially on behalf of the church.
Unfortunately, information was given to the media beyond the written statement.
The failure to stick to the written statement resulted in front-page headlines that
damaged the church and the people involved.
The papers hounded Truman for a response. Fortunately, he declined any

comment because further comment from him would have given reporters more
to talk about.
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• Control the curious. Since the story was carried on the front page of the
Detroit newspaper, it was not long before people called me from all over the
country. The barrage of calls was more than I could possibly return.
“Preachers are probably the worst gossipers in the country,” I said in disgust
and despair one day. The worse the news, the more people wanted the inside
details. All is done under the pretext of trying to help, of course, but in reality, I
knew few of these people could offer any substantive help. Many people were
angry at Truman, and I simply absorbed their wrath. I didn’t pass any of those
messages on to Truman.
Perhaps I was too cynical, but after a while, I returned only those calls from
people I felt (1) genuinely cared about helping (not those who simply wanted the
latest nuance of the story) and (2) had the resources necessary. In other words,
I gave the details only to those who’d had a prior friendship with Truman, or
people he respected, who I knew would call him to offer prayerful support.
With them, I’d tell the story and then say, “Why don’t you call Truman directly?
Here’s the number where he can be reached.”
The Long-Term Strategy
Restoration, to me, has two levels. The basic need is restoration to spiritual
wholeness. Only after that issue is dealt with could we begin even to talk about
the possibility of restoration to position.
We had no manual for managing such a crisis, nothing that outlined appropriate
steps for healing and restoration. But I was increasingly convinced of two facts:
(1) Truman merited a legitimate process of restoration, to aid his own personal
and spiritual healing and the healing of his important relationships, and (2) the
process should occur within the authority and care of a local church.
I began discussing these ideas over the telephone with Truman. We decided to
convene a small group of pastors to establish some guidelines and suggest a
blueprint for this process.
The Pastors’ Group
We agreed on four other pastors, and I called each of them: Jerry Falwell, Walt
Handford, Jerry Thorpe, Harold Heninger. They gladly agreed to meet in
Atlanta, Georgia, to consider the implications of Galatians 6:1 for this situation
—“If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him
gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”
For the first hour and a half, Truman told his story. I noted a high level of
skepticism by all the pastors. They didn’t think he was telling the whole truth.
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Everybody assumed the worst—that he’d been physically involved. Several

times Truman was interrupted by someone asking tough questions.
After lengthy discussion with Truman and then without him, the committee
concluded there had been no physical involvement, only an indiscreet
conversation by phone.
“Truman,” said one of the group, “you’ve told us this is the honest truth. Now we
need to be honest with you. Hear us well—if at any point in the future we
receive information that proves your statements not to be totally truthful, we are
out of the process. This whole thing is based on your being honest. And if at
any point we find out you’ve been dishonest, we’re out.”
The committee independently confirmed Truman’s story with all the people
involved.
At the conclusion of the meeting, the pastors’ group recommended the following
steps:
1. Truman stop all public speaking and writing and resign from all leadership
positions.
2. Truman write a letter to the deacon board of Temple Baptist informing them
that he would be submitting to the discipline of another church and that he
would, under no circumstances, consider returning as pastor of Temple Baptist
Church.
3. Truman and his wife should request a local church (preferably Calvary
Church) to bring them under the discipline and care of that congregation. The
following general guidelines were suggested:
—The board of that church should develop a specific strategy for their healing
and restoration.
—This process should emphasize personal, spiritual growth for both Truman
and Donna.
—The process of restoration should not have time limits.
—This process would not guarantee the type or place of future ministry.
—The possibility of future ministry would be recommended corporately by the

church and the pastors to whom Truman had submitted.
—The leadership of Temple Baptist would provide input and advice during the
restoration period.
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4. A letter would be sent to Christian leaders around the country informing them
of the steps that were taken in regard to Truman.
At first, Truman resisted the open-ended time frame. He suggested a six-month

limit. He wanted an end in sight. But we insisted that the process would not
guarantee any type or place of future ministry. We made clear that we were not
going to guarantee Truman would ever be a pastor or leader again.
“We are committed,” we said, “to restoring your relationship to God, your
relationship to your family, your relationship to a community of believers, and
your restoration to some type of meaningful service. But the question of
leadership is not up to us. The possibility of future ministry will be recommended
corporately by the church and by this committee.”
This committee had no official ecclesiastical authority. Truman was not required
to submit to our recommendations. The process of restoration rested totally with
his voluntary compliance. He did so readily and completely. In my opinion, this
was the single most significant factor in bringing about complete restoration.
Then I sent a letter to our church explaining the situation and the
recommendations of the pastors’ group. I also wrote:
On Sunday, July 24, Mr. and Mrs. Dollar met with the board of our church to
discuss the possibility of coming under the care and discipline of our church.
After a thorough meeting, the board unanimously and enthusiastically invited
them to come under our care for a time of spiritual healing and restoration. A
committee was formed to work with them during this process. The committee
includes Mr. and Mrs. Jim DeVries (chairpersons), Mr. and Mrs. Dennis
DeHaan, Mr. and Mrs. Ade VanWyk, Mr. and Mrs. Ken Ellis, and two couples
from the board of Temple Baptist Church: Mr. and Mrs. Jay Hatfield and Mr. and
Mrs. Curt Wilson.
We recognize that we have not walked this way before. We believe that we are
following the spirit of Christ in this matter. We understand the process of
restoration to involve three steps.
First, restoration to fellowship with God and others (2 Cor. 2:5–11, 1 John 1:9–
10).
Second, restoration to service (the story of Peter’s denial of Christ and his
subsequent sermon at Pentecost).
Third, restoration to leadership. We are leaving this step up to God. We have

made no commitment as to what Mr. Dollar can or cannot do after the
restoration process.
I ask several things of our congregation. First, pray that God will lead us every
step of the way. Second, pray for the Dollar family. We are committed to
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restoring them to spiritual health. We are leaving the issue of what they will do
after that up to God. Third, pray that God will get the glory through this process.
Fourth, please pray for me. As I have wept and prayed with the leaders of
Temple Baptist Church and with each member of the Dollar family, l am
reminded that I’m made of the same flesh. Pray that I will be true to God, my
family, and the wonderful people of this congregation. I don’t want to fail!
When you see Mr. and Mrs. Dollar in church, please make them feel at home.
This will be a very difficult time for them. The words of Paul to the Corinthian
church in regard to their response to a repentant brother have practical
application for us: “The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient
for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not
be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your
love for him.”
The Restoration Committee
We felt that one of the real tests of Truman’s repentance would be his
willingness to submit to a group of lay people. This group, in the long run, was a
crucial ingredient in the restoration process.
This group was appointed by the board of Calvary Church. Truman was not
involved in picking the members. The fact that he was not in control of this
process was important. He was not to tell us how to restore him; this group was
going to tell him.
I knew the lay committee needed to be made up of people committed to

restoration, but some of them needed to be skeptics. Just because they
believed in restoration didn’t mean they all thought Truman was going to get
there. So we had a combination of assurers and doubters.
The group met with Truman and Donna Dollar once a month for about nine
months, with no fixed agenda. Jim DeVries met with Truman about once a
week.
The group was not a jury. Its primary purpose was to care, to love, to support
the personal healing process, and to guide in vocational decisions.
Immediately, that meant helping Truman find work. The board at Temple Baptist
had agreed to pay severance for a limited time. But Truman still needed
something to do.
“The greatest pressure when you step out of ministry,” Truman said to me one
day, “is figuring out how to earn a living. You discover very quickly that the
world out there is very unimpressed that you’ve been a pastor. You’re
essentially qualified to do nothing. The skills of ministry don’t necessarily
transfer into business.”
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I arranged with some business people in the church to get him an office. Even
before he had a position, I felt he needed somewhere to go every day.
Eventually Truman linked up with business people, became a partner in some

of their ventures, and ended up with a business of his own.
The lay committee also made sure the healing process continued.
After about three months, when life began to stabilize, the group recommended
that Truman and Donna go to Marble Retreat, a facility in Colorado that offers
pastors intensive therapy.
Again, the Dollars initially resisted, feeling that they were just beginning to
regain emotional equilibrium—why stir up the pain all over again?
But the lay committee insisted: “You need to see if there are some root causes
that brought this situation about. As a committee, we’re not equipped to do that.
We want you to probe the underlying drives, motivations, and fears that might
cause this situation to recur in the future.”
Those two weeks of focused help with psychiatrist Louis McBurney became a
key turning point in the recovery process. Not only did their cooperation show
that Truman and Donna were committed to the restoration process, but they
both came back able to point to specific things they gained from the experience.
Truman, for instance, had to sense deeply that his significance and value to
God is not determined by whether he’s in ministry or by the size of his church.
He had to accept both emotionally and intellectually that there’s more to life
than work.
He also learned more clearly the importance of a personal relationship with

God, not just a professional relationship with God.
“For the last three years,” Truman told me recently, “I have read the Bible and
prayed because I needed to read the Bible and pray. For thirty years before
that, I read the Bible and prayed, allegedly because I needed to, but I was really
doing it for everybody else.”
In short, he learned balance. He’s now convinced that it’s okay to take time off
to relax, to exercise, to spend time with his family—to be something besides a
pastor of a big church.
Yet another role of the committee was to resist the temptation to short-circuit
the process and announce complete restoration too soon. One of the tests of
Truman’s repentance was his willingness to bring to this group things he
needed their counsel on, and to submit to their wisdom. He clearly
demonstrated that.
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The Pastoral Connection
Some people feel that if a pastor messes up, restoration means taking him to
rock bottom, stripping him of dignity and worth, forcing him to rebuild.
I felt otherwise. In Truman’s case, the process of resigning and being on the
front page of the Detroit newspaper was humiliation enough. I didn’t want
deliberately to add to the humiliation he’d already brought on himself. To do so
would likely bring about bitterness and loss of hope.
So, while not part of the committee, I called Truman several times a week to
keep in touch. I must confess that, amid this flurry of activity, it was difficult to
concentrate on the responsibilities I had as pastor of Calvary Church. In the
early stages of the process, I welcomed the challenge of this additional
pressure. But the longer the process went, the more effort it required. Yet I felt
compelled to do it.
I was committed to preserving Truman’s dignity. I was calling him to let him
know that our relationship was the same. He wasn’t a pastor anymore, but he
was still my friend. If I was struggling with decisions in the church, I’d run my
concerns by him. I didn’t care if he’d messed up. He still had wisdom.
But we usually ended up talking about what he was going through, which was
an overwhelming sense of loss and worthlessness. These visits took a lot of my
time; nevertheless I felt they were important.
In the days since, Truman has indicated that these informal conversations, and
his conversations with Jim DeVries, during which they would read Scripture and
pray, were some of the most important in the restoration process.
Truman now says that Jim DeVries is “the first real friend I’ve ever had.”
Everybody else has been “a friend with conditions, a friend because of
ministry.” But Jim, according to Truman, is the first guy he’s met in his entire life
who accepts and loves him as a person, not as a preacher or church leader.
Jim’s continuing contact was key in gauging Truman’s progress.
When Is Restoration Complete?
Ultimately, in the restoration process, you’ve got to make a judgment call.

Because discernment is so difficult, a group needs to be involved—no individual
is capable of seeing the whole picture.
After eighteen months, we reviewed the steps we had seen:
203
1. Truman’s willingness to accept the authority of the lay committee and to be

accountable, demonstrated when the committee rejected his desire to re-enter
ministry prematurely.
2. Truman’s willingness to accept professional counseling and embrace an

examination of his spiritual and emotional foundation.
3. Truman’s willingness to accept fully secular employment as a long-term

option. The longer the process went, the less insistent he became of returning
to pulpit ministry.
4. Truman’s evidence of contrition. Truman had always been one to dominate a

group by the force of his personality. Now, he didn’t have to be center stage; he
no longer tried to run the meetings. Instead of directing the conversation, he
was hesitant to speak, and when he did, it was often with deep emotion.
He confessed, “There are times when I am sitting in my office in the middle of

conducting business, and I close the door and just break down and weep
uncontrollably. This is now almost three years later. I am still overwhelmed with
the awfulness, not just of what I did, but what my actions brought about in my
family and the church and the cause of Christ.”
After reviewing these developments, the lay committee recommended to

Calvary Church that the Dollars be accepted as members without any
restrictions on service, which meant that they could teach, lead, serve, and
perform any of the normal functions within the local church.
This cleared the way for the pastors’ committee to clear Truman to accept a
leadership position. Shortly thereafter, the ministerial group met and removed
its previous recommendations of restraint. We knelt together and laid hands on
Truman and prayed over him. We encouraged him to get involved in ministry
again.
The pastoral committee unanimously agrees that Truman is now free to accept
a leadership position, but our understanding is that any decision will be made
with the advice and consent of the committee.
I don’t think the process of restoration is ever finished. Our formal involvement,
which has seen him back to health, to stability, to restoration, has ended. But in
my opinion, Truman will wrestle with these issues for the rest of his life. But now
more than ever he knows personally the grace and healing power of God.
204

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Copyright © 2009 by the South African Theological Seminary

The Biblical Basis

1. Living and Working in the Community

I. The Pastor’s Conduct

A. The Pastor’s Conduct in Public

belittle others by word or act. He should not break in on a conversation nor in

B. The Pastor’s Conduct in Private

Pastors need to be often reminded of Solomon’s words in Proverbs 23:7 “As he

C. The Pastor’s Conduct Under Trial.

D. The Pastor’s Conduct as a Guest

E. Parties, Banquets, and Other Social Gatherings

F. Outside the Church in Homes of Members or in Community Halls

II. The Pastor’s Involvement in Community Affairs

How Deeply Involved Should the Preacher Become in Community Affairs?

1. Is the Affair Good or Bad?

2. What Are the Implications?

3. What Effect Would It Have Upon the Main Work?

4. What About Community Gatherings?

III. The Pastor and His Finances

A. Realize the Importance.

B. Pay Your Bills.

IV. The Pastor’s Personal Relationships

As pastor be careful not to give endorsement to agencies or individuals about whom

2. The Unique Role of the Pastor

People are designed by God to receive satisfaction when they’ve accomplished

Add to that the constant daily pressures—sick to be visited, bulletins to be run,

In my ministry, I’ve pastored Methodist, Evangelical Free, Congregational, and

In an age in which specialists abound, the pastorate requires a wide variety of

Entrance into People’s Private Lives

Few professionals in our society have an open invitation to their clients’

But the minister does.

This is so characteristic of our vocation that we call ourselves pastors. Most of

Recently I visited a layman who is a national leader in his [Page 18]

I understand the pastor’s temptation to give himself fully to administration and

Public Proclamation to Those We Love

Naturally, one of the distinctive callings of the pastor is public proclamation.

We rarely choose this preaching style intentionally. Instead, it sneaks up on us,

I was reminded that even prophetic preaching should be communicated with

Proclaiming the Word, then, is a special form of communication that only

Along the way in ministry, however, I realized that psychological counseling, as

So pastoral counseling has remained an important part of my ministry. In the

Vision casting is also vital to the financial health of a congregation. When a

Whether one calls them ordinances or sacraments or rites doesn’t matter.

not because I’ve gone as a religious professional but simply as a person

Bird’s Eye View of God’s Grace

Doug Self, “Home Visitation in an Age of Teleconferencing.” In B Larson, P

3. Home Visitation in an Age of Teleconferencing

Home visitation is an awesome opportunity and responsibility. For

A typical day of pastoral visitation:

At the last stop of the day, I counseled a soon-to-be-wed couple. The

Visitation: At the Heart of Ministry

On one of my visits to a schoolteacher in our community, she told me of a child

Peters and Waterman in their book In Search of Excellence emphasize the

We can line up the witnesses for visitation’s defense—professors, business

1. Visitation is an inefficient use of time. With so many to minister to, the

I once read an article in an advertising journal that explained a hierarchy of

A well-timed conversation with an unchurched person or a growing member,

awkwardness that visitation sometimes entails because we know the difference

“The difficulty of delivering a message is in inverse proportion to the size of the

This anxiety is aggravated if a pastor thinks poorly of himself or fears rejection.

There’s another side to this experience, however. Certainly, some of my most

Visitation Builds Better Ministry

Let me show specifically how pastoral visitation has enhanced my ministry.

“I, , take you, , to my wedded husband …” (as above)

“/, what token do you give of your love?”

Example: Forasmuch as and have consented together in holy