Final Projects Fall Semester 2020

By Jayna Palumbo

Artist’s Statement

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is a novel that carried through my high school career.

At first, I felt the story was told as much as it could be, annotations on annotations could only

tell so much about the novel and it is underlying meanings. However, with presented this

project; I felt a need to tell the story of Nick Carraway. Nick is prompted as a neutral character,

that his purpose is to tell Gatsby’s story. However, I felt as if I needed to tell Nick’s story.

The idea of queerness with Nick Carraway has circulated among scholars when

annotating and investigating The Great Gatsby. In Maggie Gordon Froehlich’s “Jordan Baker,

Gender Dissent and Homosexual Passing in The Great Gatsby,” discussed how Nick is

homosexual. Whereas in the 1920s, homosexuality is not widely accepted. Along with, Froehlich

speculates Jordan Baker’s sexuality, determining that she is also a closet homosexual because of

the masculine build of her body and her close relationship with Daisy Buchannan.

I felt with this idea of queerness, it displays a different meaning to the story. One of the themes

among The Great Gatsby is chasing the American Dream and how it is unattainable. Leading

to the idea of Nick not being able to obtain the American Dream because of his own queerness

and love for Gatsby is holding him back to grasp the American Dream. I felt as if F. Scott

Fitzgerald was purposely placing the characters to their ultimate doom, especially Nick

Carraway’s. Which one could argue with the final sentence of the novel, “So we beat on, boats

against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past,” (Fitzgerald 180). This quote resonates

of how yearning for the American Dream is unattainable. Whereas, in Nick’s situation, he cannot
grasp it because the American Dream does not include his queerness.

The challenges I faced among the counter-narrative had to be the proof of Nick

Carraway’s queerness and why Nick Carraway deserves a counter-narrative despite being the

narrator. With all the available research about Nick’s sexuality, it is all deemed as a speculation.

So, it is a shot in the dark to prove his queerness. However, how I combated this problem by

understanding the point is not to prove and convince the readers Nick is gay, however, to

understand despite Nick being the narrator and story-teller, he is yearning for something like the

rest of the characters are. However, Nick’s yearning and reaching cannot be obtained because of

his sexuality, a struggle that the other characters are not set back to (with the exception of

Jordon, in speculation). In research by William Cotyle tells that “the story is thus not told by an

omniscient narrator who witnesses everything, but by a human and flawed one,” (Cotyle 29)

proving to understand that The Great Gatsby is not just Gatsby’s story and Gatsby’s yearnings

for the American Dream but, Nick’s yearnings too. So the question also presented is why does

Nick deserve the counter-narrative? In the novel, there is only a short introduction of who Nick

Carraway is: a man beginning his thirties who moved from Minnesota to New York to learn

about bonds. However, what else? We are given an extravagant story of Gatsby, Tom, and

Daisy’s life, I would even argue Jordan’s, why do we know so little about our narrator? The

story to tell from The Great Gatsby is the struggle of the American Dream, whereas I find Nick’s

struggle is his queerness and the American Dream which is a story untold.

To point some things out with my digital counter-narrative, I wanted to answer two

questions; why drawing of hands and why is this Nick Carraway’s final thoughts? The reason
why I chose hands is to stimulate the grasp and want that Nick Carraway was feeling for his own

yearning of the American Dream. I felt hands resemble this the best because of their nature to

reach and grasp. For the idea of Nick Carraway’s final thoughts, I must detest, I grabbed this idea

from the 2013 film of The Great Gatsby. The beginning scene involves Nick in a psychiatrist’s

office rekindling the story of Gatsby. In this scene, it is supposed to simulate the end of Nick’s

life where he is telling Gatsby’s story as a memoir. However, I felt I needed to seize this moment

of Nick’s final moments as a way to tell his story, not Gatsby’s. I felt this could be Nick’s final

chance to not recognize himself as the narrator of Gatsby’s story, however, the main character of

his own story and his combat to grasp his own American Dream.

How my counter-narrative provides “a history of the present” is distinctly obvious. The

Great Gatsby, being set exactly set 100 years ago, proves the difference of how we may see

sexuality. Obviously in today’s age, queerness is widely accepted versus 100 years ago it was not

as accepted. Thus, I feel Fitzgerald may have written this idea of queerness in between the lines

of the story as a progressive movement during the time at which the book was written (1924). In

Cotyle’s research, during the Roaring Twenties, homosexuality was widely present (especially in

New York City where The Great Gatsby takes place) however, was deemed as a mental illness

by the government. Hypothetically, could it be possible Fitzgerald wrote Carraway as a queer

figure as a progressive idol for the acceptance of homosexuals? This is a stretch, however, during

such a progressive time period in United States’ history, maybe this can be something furthered

researched by scholars

Being able to give Nick a breath to tell his story conveys the depth of The Great Gatsby.
Along with, how the counter-narrative proves the unitability of the American Dream. Nick’s

voice is suppressed by the idea of his neutrality as the narrator to tell the other character’s story.

However, in my counter-narrative, I gave Nick’s voice for his struggle to not being able to seize

the American Dream because of his sexuality.

Works Cited

Cotyle, William. “The Great Carraway: A Queer Theory-Based Analysis of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s

The Great Gatsby.” Ghent University, 2018,

lib.ugent.be/fulltxt/RUG01/002/508/343/RUG01-002508343_2018_0001_AC.pdf.

Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby. Scribner, 2004.

Froehlich, Maggie G. "Jordan Baker, Gender Dissent, and Homosexual Passing in The Great

Gatsby." Monmouth University, 2010,

http://www.monmouth.edu/the_space_between/articles/MaggieFroehlick2010.pdf.
Behavior Specific Praise

Behavior Specific Praise

Jayna Palumbo

Department of Instruction and Learning, University of Pittsburgh

IL 1580 Foundations of Special Education

Dr. Anastasia Kokina

October 29th 2020

Behavior Specific Praise

Royer et al. (2018) define behavior-specific praise(BSP) is identifying and acknowledging a

behavior of a student and giving a student a positive acknowledgement for the specific
 behavior. An important note for BSP is acknowledging the student and the exact behavior. For

example, an educator or teacher may say, “Student X, you did a great job walking into the class

quietly,” or “Student Y, I am so proud of how well you led the group project,” versus regular

praise is presented as “great job,” and “good work,”. Thus, BSP recognizes the student’s name

and praise for the action versus regular praise is more seen as a generic praise with no verbal

cues of the action being praised.

The importance of addressing BSP with educators and teachers is what positive

outcomes can come from BSP in a general classroom. Along with, it may be utilized in special

education for recognizing positive behaviors among students with special needs thus hoping to

increase those positive behaviors. For reference, Downs et al. (2018) found teachers in a

classroom with students and student at risk of an emotional behavioral disorder and utilized

BSP, there was more student engagement among all students.

The question posed by this review of the literature is: “What positive outcomes come

from the use of behavior-specific praise with students, especially students with special needs?”

In this paper I will explore six different peer-reviewed research studies of behavior-specific

praise in classrooms. Along with, looking at behavior specific praise in relation to special

education in school.

Results

In a review of the research literature, Royer et al. (2018) discussed the effect of teachers’

deliveries on BSP on student performance .The purpose was to examine “the evidence base for

teacher-delivered BSP as an intervention for increasing academic, behavioral, and social success
 and/ or for reducing problem behaviors, limiting our search to traditional K–12 educational

settings,” (Royer et al., 2018, p.114) Thus, the researchers discussed how schools are trying to

focus attention on prevention of negative behavior, rather than reacting to negative behavior. The

researchers investigated and found BSP can be easily implemented in classrooms with minimal

effort and no disruptions of the teachers’ routines which can promote a quick change in positive

outcomes among students (Royer et al., 2018, p.125). In the review, the authors found some of

the benefits included with BSP is there was low levels of emotional exhaustion and high levels of

the efficacy for classroom behavior management (Royer et al., 2018, p.112). Therefore,

discussing how BSP can be utilized and significantly help in Tier 1 classrooms to help decrease

problematic behavior in students and with Tier 2 classrooms where the strategy is to target an

individual or small group with concerns of academics, behavior, and socialization (Royer et al.,

2018, p.125). In sum, in the Royer et al. (2018) review, the research team found positive

outcomes in student behavior with the use of BSP in Tier 1 and Tier 2 settings.

In a more recent article by Knochel et al. (2020), the research team examined the impact of

teacher interventions on establishing equity and fairness of a teacher’s implementation of

behavior-specific praise in elementary classrooms (Knochel et al., 2020, p.1). In the study, the

investigators defined equity-focused performance feedback is measuring teacher’s delivery of

praise and discipline according to student race and providing the teacher with the information in

hopes there will be improvement in the teacher’s implementation of behavior-specific praise

(Knochel et al., 2020, p.3). Thus, the feedback procedure aids in the process where the teacher is

aware of students needing equitable praise without releasing the race of the intended student

(Knochel et al., 2020, p.3). The setting among this research is taken place is “suburban
 Southeastern US school districts where 42.2% of the students were receiving free or reduced

price lunch and 17.2% are receiving special education services” (Knochel et al., 2020, p.3). In

their research method, they measured the teacher’s delivery of BSP and reprimands with the

frequency within 1 minute intervals during instructional class time. With the information, the

data was split in four racial categories: White, Black, Latinx, and Other. The first phase of the

study recorded BSP and reprimands among race in the classroom. White the second phase, the

teachers utilized a training intervention in equity among students and recorded the data a second

time. In their findings, the results indicated during the first phase of the intervention, students

from Black and Latinx backgrounds received lower rates of BSP and higher rates of reprimands

when compared among students from White or other backgrounds (Knochel et al., 2020, p.12).

However, when the implementation of equity-focused performance feedback is given in the

second phase, there was a reduction in disparities observed among the participants, (Knochel et

al., 2020, p.12). Also, the research team found in their study where all teachers in the study felt

there was an improvement in academic engagement and respectful behavior and significant

decreased disruptive behaviors in their students with the use of behavior-specific praise (Knochel

et al., 2020, p.12). In sum, the researchers found increased BSP and decreased reprimands with

students decreased disruptive behaviors. However, there was a significant gap in BSP use with

racial minorities in the classroom.

The following research article, Sutherland et al., (2000) followed the effects of rates of BSP

with on-task behavior of students with emotional and behavioral disorders (EBD). The purpose

of the study was to examine the effect of an observation feedback interventions on the rate of

deliveries a teacher utilizes behavior-specific praise of students with emotional and behavioral
disorders and the effects of increased rates of a teacher’s behavior-specific praise on the on-task

behavior of a class of students with EBD (Sutherland et al., 2000, p.2). The research followed a

classroom with nine students in 5th grade with EBD. The observation took place during social

skills instruction where students would role-play and discuss different situations. The BSP was

recorded using a count when the teacher gave verbal praise of the certain desired

student behavior (Sutherland et al., 2000, p.4). On task behavior was recorded if students being

observed were on-task when BSP was given. On task behavior included following directions,

paying attention to instructor, and working on the given task. If the student did not exhibit on

task behavior, the researchers recorded an off-task behavior. The experiment procedure was

divided between baseline (no intervention) and intervention. For the result of the experiment, the

mean rate of BSP given was 1.3 during the baseline phase and the intervention phase held a

mean of 6.7 (Sutherland et al., 2000, p.5). Furthermore, the percentage of on-task behavior

during the baseline phase, the mean percentage was 48.7 during baseline, while during the

intervention phase there was an increase to 85.6 mean percentage (Sutherland et al., 2000, p.5).

In sum, the researchers were able to see an increase of on-task behavior from students with EBD

with the use of BSP.

The next article by Downs et al. (2018) discusses teachers’ use of praise and reprimands with

students with EBD. The researchers begin discussing how teachers struggle with classroom

behavioral management and the importance of management in a classroom setting, especially

students at risk of EBD (Downs et al., 2018, p.136). Their study included 65 elementary teachers

and 239 students and where they contrasted the effects of the teachers’ behaviors on engagement

and disruptions of students who were at risk of an EBD (Downs et al., 2018, p.136). The purpose
 of the researchers’ study was to “understand the differential relationships between naturally

occurring rates of teacher behavior and various behaviors of students who are and who are not at

risk (of EBD) in an elementary classroom” (Downs et al., 2018, p.137). Of the 239 students

studied, the researchers determined 54 percent of the students were at risk of an EBD (Downs et

al., 2018, p.137). After this process, The Social Skills Improvement System (SSIS) was utilized

for further evaluation of nominated students. (Downs et al., 2018, p.137). To collect data, the

researchers directly observed student behavior, teacher behavior, and classroom management

ratings. (Downs et al., 2018, p.137-138). The four variables were divided between teacher praise,

teacher reprimands, student engagement, and student disruptions. (Downs et al., 2018, p.139).

For their findings through a six-month period, the researchers’ data scored with all students,

reprimands (M=0.07, SD=0.07) were more significant than praise (M=0.04, SD=0.05), (Downs

et al., 2018, p.140). Along with, students at risk of a EBD received a significant amount more

reprimands (Downs et al., 2018, p.140). Furthermore, the researchers found the students at risk of

an EBD were less engaged by 20% and were 3 times as disruptive (Downs et al., 2018, p.140).

Along with, the researchers found the higher rates of teacher reprimands given to students were

directly associated with lower rates of the students’ engagement (Downs et al., 2018, p.144). The

results of the research supported the findings of higher rates of teacher praise were directly

associated with increased engagement of students at risk (Downs et al., 2018, p.143). Thus, the

researchers praise that teachers should increase praise to help students at risk to succeed in the

classroom (Downs et al., 2018, p.143). With the data available, the researchers confirmed

successful results and concluding that praises can aid in student engagement, especially students

at risk of EBD (Downs et al., 2018, p.145).

 In addition, Stevens et al. (2011) discuss the use of behavior-specific praise and general praise

with children with autism. The goal was to investigate the effects of behavior-specific and

general praise with two children with autism (Stevens et al., 2011, p. 666). Thus to define

general praise, the researchers deemed a general praise being a praise that is not specific to the

action being praised (e.g., ‘great work’ or ‘good job’) versus BSP is a statement of praise that

does specifies the action being praise (e.g., ‘good job taking your time on your math exam’)”

(Stevens et al., 2011, p. 667). To study the coloration between BSP and general praise, the

researchers used participants Alan and Joey who are diagnosed with autism (15 and 6 years old

respectfully). The researchers studied the participants by giving them a token every time a word

was said correctly. The method was divided between three conditions: behavior-specific praise

with token sessions, general praise with token sessions, and token only sessions. For the results

of the study, the data showed an insignificant difference between the conditions and teaching sets

for the participants (Stevens et al., 2011, p.669). Thus, the researchers did not see a change

among the three variables. With the data, however, surveys given to both participants showed a

preference for BSP(M=6.28) over the general praise(M=5.58) (Stevens et al., 2011, p.669). The

researchers did feel this was caused by the common held belief where behavior-specific praise is

much more effective for students rather than a general praise (Stevens et al., 2011, p.669). The

researchers believed this may have been caused by the praise statements were too similar in

hopes it would produce differential acquisition effects. Thus, the researchers found their results

did not support the recommendation of utilizing BSP of the production of acquisition. However,

they suspect BSP may have advantages towards a reinforcement of a positive behavior among

students with autism. The authors concluded in their research, they cannot see a correlation
between positive behavior and BSP, however, do recognize the importance of BSP.

Finally, Adamo et al. (2015) used BSP to increase moderate to vigorous physical

activity(MVPA) for children with Down syndrome. The researchers targeted three preschool

children with Down syndrome and six selected preschool students without disabilities as

comparison to the peers (Adamo et al., 2015, p.272). In baseline, the children played in the

playground with no adult interaction; for the intervention, the researchers used videos, verbal and

physical cues, and behavior-specific praise to see if activity among the students will increase

(Adamo et al., 2015, p.275). The researchers showed the students more vigorous activities such

as running to a ball, galloping around the track, going up the rock-climbing wall, and things of

the nature through the video modeling, verbal prompts, and BSP. As a result, the three

participants with Downs syndrome showed an increase in MVPA after the intervention (Adamo

et al., 2015). Thus, the researchers found with their implications of BSP and other strategies, the

behavior of vigorous psychical activity has increased.

Discussion

Among the six research articles, a consistent finding was BSP resulted in positive

outcomes for all the students, especially students who may struggle in general classroom. For

example, Downs et al. (2018) showed students with EBD increased positive behavior and

decreased reprimands when teachers utilized BSP. However, in some of the articles, the findings

were mixed. For example, Knochel et al. (2020) there was a lack of the use of BSP especially

from minority students. Similarly, a study by Downs et al. (2018) resulted that there was a lack

in BSP utilized for students with EBD. This is unfortunate because among the research there is
positive outcomes from BSP. However, it is underutilized within groups of students. This is

problematic there are students who are lacking in praise which can hinder the success in the

classroom.

Another consistent denominator within the studies was BSP was given by a higher authority of

the student (e.g. a teacher, an educator). This displays how educators are very much responsible

for the behavior of students. For example, Downs et al. (2018) found when teachers gave less

reprimands and increased BSP, there was an overall increase in classroom behavior.

Furthermore, Sutherland et al. (2000) displayed a significant increase of on-task behavior when

BSP were utilized. So, this feels as if BSP should be more often utilized by teachers and

educators to help promote success in the classroom among the students. The positive outcomes

from BSP are but not limited to, on-task work, appropriate behavior in classrooms, and keeping

students active and engaged. Also, there was positive outcomes with BSP consistent in special

education.

However, the research done by Stevens et al. (2011) did not find significant results with

acquisition and the relation to BSP. This is interesting because among the other five articles,

there was significant results the correlation with positive behavior and BSP. However, though

they did not find a correlation between the acquisitions and BSP, the researchers did find the

students with autism did prefer the use of BSP. Thus, this can convey the importance of the use

of BSP and classrooms.

In conclusion, the research articles had common themes of an increase positive outcome

in classrooms with the use of BSP. Therefore, BSP can aid teachers and educators for increased
appropriateness in the classroom, on-task behavior, and things of the nature. However, two

studies showed mixed effectiveness of BSP such as Stevens et al. (2011) showing no significant

findings between BSP and positive behavior, however, the participants did prefer BSP over

general praise. Thus, the importance of the utilization of BSP among classrooms.

Summary

To revisit, Royer et al. (2018) define behavior-specific praise(BSP) is identifying and

acknowledging a behavior of a student and giving a student a positive acknowledgement for their

behavior. The importance of behavioral-specific praise, especially with special education, is BSP

helps increase positive behaviors in the classroom. Also, BSP will lessen the amount of

reprimands teachers and educators may have to use to correct inappropriate behavior.

So, what positive outcomes comes from behavior-specific praise with students, especially

for students with special needs? The positive outcomes established among the research was on

task behavior, engagement in the classroom, and behavioral management. These positive

outcomes were also consistent with students with/at risk of EBD and along with students with

Down syndrome. Concluding, behavior-specific praise has shown to have positive behavioral

outcomes among all students.

 References
Adamo, E. K., Wu, J., Wolery, M., Hemmeter, M. L., Ledford, J. R., & Barton, E. E. (2015). Using

Video Modeling, Prompting, and Behavior-Specific Praise to Increase Moderate-to

Vigorous Physical Activity for Young Children With Down Syndrome. Journal of Early

Intervention, 37(4), 270–285.

Downs, K. R., Caldarella, P., Larsen, R. A. A., Charlton, C. T., Wills, H. P., Kamps, D. M., & Wehby,

J. H. (2018). Teacher Praise and Reprimands: The Differential Response of Students at

Risk of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions,

21(3), 135–147.

Knochel, A. E., Blair, K.-S. C., Kincaid, D., & Randazzo, A. (2020). Promoting Equity in Teachers’
 Use of Behavior-Specific Praise With Self- Monitoring and Performance

Feedback. Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 1–15.

Royer, D. J., Lane, K. L., Dunlap, K. D., & Ennis, R. P. (2018). A Systematic Review of Teacher

Delivered Behavior-Specific Praise on K–12 Student Performance. Journal of Positive

Behavior Interventions, 112–128.

Stevens, C., Sidener, T. M., Reeves, S. A., & Sidener, D. W. (2011). Effects of behavior-specific

and general praise, on acquisition of tacts in children with pervasive developmental

disorders. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 5(1), 666–669.

Sutherland, K. S., Wehby, J. H., & Copeland, S. R. (2000). Effect of Varying Rates of Behavior

Specific Praise on the On-Task Behavior of Students with EBD. Journal of Emotional and

Behavioral Disorders, 2–8.

 Final Portfolio

Introduction to Creative Writing

Jayna E. Palumbo

December 2nd 2020

Project One: Creative Non-Fiction

My Name

My name is Jayna Elizabeth Palumbo. Jayna means “God is Gracious” and comes from

an English origin. I find my name unique, for I only know one person with the name Jayna. I

asked my mom why she named me Jayna out of my own curiosity. She told me this short

story:

“I worked for a woman named Jayna. She was beautiful. Like the definition of beauty.

She had long, auburn hair and olive skin. She had an angelic body and beautiful smile. When you

were born, it fit you perfectly,”

This always felt burned in the back of my head when I was struggling with who Jayna

was. Was I beautiful? Did my curly, dirty blonde hair and awkward shaped body lived up to the

standard at which my mother named me?

Every day, I felt the pressure of being who which my mother named me: beautiful. But,

what was beautiful? When I looked in the mirror, I could not find that beauty. Whereas, I found

the beauty in magazines and on TV. I remembered being in elementary school burning my hair

with a straightener ever day because I wanted to look as beautiful as Hannah Montana, like I

said, I was only in fourth grade. I remember being in middle school and poking at my arms

because they did not look nearly as toned as Selena Gomez’s. I never felt beautiful-I never lived
up to my name.

When I got older, I compared myself to other girls a lot. Maybe I could be like Emma

from across the street, maybe I can be like Megan from math class, maybe Rebecca from

lacrosse. I always wanted to be someone else other than Jayna.

Every girl in my hometown is pretty. Like I mean, gorgeous. I felt like every girl from

my hometown was skinny, stylish, and just seemed like their whole life was together. To put this

in perspective, my sophomore year in high school I sat at a lunch table with this gorgeous girl

named Gabby. One distinct memory I have of her is going through Instagram during lunch and

making fun of girls in my school posts that weekend as she continued to only eat a sandwich and

celery sticks. Ever since then, I cannot post a picture without feeling undermined that I would

never feel as beautiful as them. It is hard looking at yourself in the mirror and not loving the

person I was and who I was becoming. I hated Jayna. I wanted to be someone else.

In quarantine, I spend a lot of time by myself. I flipped through Instagram and other

social media apps for over five hours a day. Thoughts about my identity rambled through my

head constantly.

“I want to be like Abigail, I love her style, no I think I wanted to be like Rachel, I just

love how she knows what she is doing. Ah no, I really love Katie’s clothes and how she does her

hair, let’s do that today,” I was so mentally exhausted with the constant thoughts running through

my head of not wanting to be Jayna.

I remember how my therapist would tell me how I was struggling with “automatic negative

thoughts”. It is a nice way of saying I constantly think negatively. She suggested after every

“automatic negative thought”, I reassure myself with a good thought. So, if I would say “I wish
 my body looked like her body”, I would quickly say “No, my body is beautiful and I am

strong,”. I felt super cringy doing it, however, I knew in the end I cannot keep living like this.

So, every day, I worked hard on the mental damage I caused myself. There were times I really

felt like giving up but I eventually found her. It took time and healing, however, I found her. She

is cool and kind. She smiles at everything and has a belly laugh. She enjoys thrifting and finding

new ways to re vamp her clothing. She has a very chill, hippie style and loves what she calls

“flowy pants”. However, she loves cute dresses and animal print. Her favorite band is All Time

Low and she has plans to get a tattoo in the lead singer’s handwriting of her favorite lyrics. She

has hobbies of collecting plants, hammocking, playing lacrosse, and hiking. She has this really

weird nervous tick where she hides things most important to her and she always loses things. She

has golden hair with a slight natural curl. However, every once in a while she will straighten her

hair. She has an obsession with candles and crystals, and has way too many books she forgets to

reads. She doesn’t have the body she wants, however, she loves to run and workout and eat

healthy and is bound to make her body her temple. She has a beautiful sapphire nose piercing

that she always touches, however, it is a nice accent with her wide brown eyes. She has dreams

to move out of Pittsburgh and go west to get a graduate degree in education to teach at a local

high school in a small town with a lake so she can paddleboard. She loves autumn and

Halloween, but, spring reminds her of memories of playing lacrosse on a muddy field which she

lives for.

I love her. I love her so much. Her name is Jayna. And I am happy I am her.
Project Two: Creative Fiction

The Letter

I remember everything about Ana. I remember that her favorite color was orange, how
much she loved spring despite her allergies, how she had to start her day with coffee and sugar,

and how you would never catch her wearing the color blue because “it does not look right on her

skin tone”. I just remembered everything.

I guess you’ll remember everything about a person when you date them for over two

years. Yes, Ana and I were the power couple in our small town. I was the boy with a bright

future with football scholarships and has a shot at the NFL while Ana followed with many

academic scholarships from top colleges to jump start her hopes of being a neurosurgeon. It is

cliché, but, we were the textbook definition of a perfect couple.

So, let me explain to you about our small town. We lived in the valley of the Appalachian

Mountains, with one main road (Main Street) and little veins of small streets filled with houses.

If you did not have a business on main street, you worked in the big city 40 minutes away (50

with traffic). Everyone in the city worked hard for their money, making a steady living. Though,

if you made the “big bucks”, you lived in what we called “The Hills”. The Hills surrounded our

small town, and I felt as if the houses nearly swallow our town. Houses as big as castles roamed

the area versus the middle class houses you saw in town. I would say there were about ten

families that lived in The Hills, one of them being Ana’s family.

I have to admit, I was jealous. Ana’s house had to be as big as the White House in Washington

DC. I would even argue that it was larger. Her house was crystal white, with large pillars

holding the roof as you made your way to the grand entrance. When you walked in, a 20- foot

stair case led up the home, with six larger than life bedrooms (keep in mind, Ana was an

only child). A kitchen as big as my own home, that overlooks a pool, exactly 15 feet deep. Every

time I walked into Ana’s house, I just boiled with jealously. My dad worked construction and my
mom is a nurse. We are able to put food on the table and pay for our bills. However, affording

college is a huge question.

I feel like I haven’t introduced myself properly. You know everything about my girlfriend. But,

not enough about me. My name is Jake and I am the middle child in my middle class family.

Like I said, I play football and that is really not much about me. My biggest dream

is to play football for UCLA, to go far and out of this small town, and get picked up by a NFL

team junior year. Ana has been looking at Stanford so, we will be able to see each other. I was

very excited for our future.

3AM, I was woken from a phone call. Ana’s mother. She never calls me. Ana’s mother is

frantic yet peaceful on the phone. She tells me there was terrible car accident in The Hills and to

come to the hospital to say goodbye. Goodbye??? I thought. I was so confused. Ana was not

going anywhere. Our nearest hospital was 20 minutes away and I make the drive. Walking into

the hospital, I see her. My beautiful girlfriend, Ana, who I loved and cared for over two years

near to her death bed. She had a tube down her throat, her face covered in scratches and bruises,

her body limp. The doctor said there was no chance for her to live, and Ana’s parents wanted to

take her out of her misery as fast as they could. I watched the love of my life take their last

breath right in front of me.

The funeral followed three days after her death. Strangely, Ana died during her favorite

season-spring. It was a little chilly, with grey clouds surrounding and a light breeze. I felt

comfort in the weather. I watched as the whole town paid their respects, giving Ana’s family

sympathy, and asking how I was. I always said “I am okay” and tried not to engage the

conversation. I watched my girlfriend’s body lower into her final resting spot and went home.
Death is weird. I feel like there is no way to explain death. Just that the body is missing. There is

no “body” of Ana anymore. Like, she does not exist. Like, how do you make sense of that? The

body I would touch and love is gone. It does not exist anymore. Three days after Ana’s burial,

the police station decided to start investigating her death. Ana’s death was strange, she never left

her house at 2AM just to take a stroll in her Mercedes, like never. Also, what caused the crash?

When they looked at the curvy road where she crashed, there did not seem like an animal

jumped out in front of her car, or another car driving her off the road, the police tell that “it

looked like she deliberately swerved into a ditch”. The police wrote it off as a “texting and

driving” situation. Ana’s parents paid off the police to see if they can investigate more. Though,

they said there is not much left to investigate and that the case is closed. I couldn’t wrap my head

around that Ana was texting and driving, at 2AM, on a curvy, and ended up in a ditch. That was

so unlike Ana. However, I decided it was best to move on from the situation-for that is what Ana

wanted.

I started going back to school two weeks after her death. People avoided me in the

hallways as I just tried to make it through to the next day. When I would go home, I grabbed the

mail, made myself dinner (if I was feeling up to eat), and waited for my parents to come home. I

looked through the mail and found a red envelope. And envelope addressed to me. I open it with

a handwritten letter with only 5 words.

“I know what you did”

There were three polaroid pictures attached, a bruise on a woman’s hip, a bruise on a

woman’s arm, and a bruise on a women’s spine. I was spooked out and I did not recognize who

the woman was, so I threw away the photos.

The next day followed and I just had the same average day. I got the mail and another
letter was addressed to me. I opened it.

“Jake, you cannot escape from what you did to her, I know what you

did” In the envelope, I pulled out a bundle of hair. It felt just like Ana’s.

After Ana’s death, my parents stirred up the money to get me grief therapy. I talked about

the same old thing about how I was sad but I will get better. My therapist asked me about my

feelings toward Ana as a person. I told my therapist that I loved Ana more than anything and I

would give my life for her. However, sometimes I felt jealous about how much privilege and

wealth she had.

After therapy, no one was home. I grabbed the mail again and found another red

envelope. I was getting so pissed off with these letters, I know it is just some dumb kid trying to

screw with me. I opened up the red envelope and noticed it was heavier than usual. The letter

said,

“You don’t remember but I do. Jealousy can be a killer”

In the package contained Ana’s car keys and a picture of the wreck sight. In the picture,

Ana’s car into the ditch, with the driver’s door opened and a body handing from the passenger’s

side. I was taken back by the picture and the memory flowed back to me.

Ana and I walked the streets after getting our coffee at our favorite barista. She looked so

beautiful but so did the sunset. I loved looking at her as the sun shimmered on her skin. She felt

cold and distant that night. I asked her what was wrong. “Just take me home” She tells me. We

drove to The Hills and she told me she was seeing someone else. I was in shock. Two years,

down the drain, because Ana was not feeling it anymore and decided to cheat on me? My body

filled with anger. “I am so sorry” she said as I dropped her off. I told her to rot in Hell. I stayed
 in her driveway for three hours, lingering at the words she told me. It was okay, for I know her

parents were away at their lake house. Jealously and anger heated my body as I ran inside. I

found her sitting on her couch, on the phone with her new lover. I told her to hang up the phone.

She hangs up the phone and looks at me in fear. I slapped her across the face and watch her frail

body hit the ground. Taking my foot, I stepped on her chest and watched her gasp for air. “Come

with me” I grabbed her car keys, driving her car in the middle of the night, on the dangerous

backroads of The Hills. “Please don’t hurt me” she muttered as she was shaking with fear and

blood trickled down her face. “You hurt me so I hurt you” I say back. I come across a road I

know many people don’t drive on. Swinging the car as fast as I could, I end up in a ditch. I

watched Ana’s body fly through the front shield as my weight kept me grounded. She was still

breathing, I pulled her out, and placed her in the driver’s seat. I know the nearest house was at

least 2 miles away and no one would be driving this late. Plus, closest hospital was 20 minutes

away. Ana would not make it past the night. If I cannot have her, no one could have her.

I take a deep breath in and more memories begin to flood in. I remember the first time I

kissed her. Our first date. The first time I grabbed her arm aggressively. The time I met her

parents. The time I watched her cover up her black eye with makeup. Our first “I love you”. And

the first time I made Ana bleed. Memories of our love and anger came back in waves as I sat on

my couch. Guilt raised through my body for I know I have been caught. I resonated my jealously

and anger towards Ana on her body and caused her to her death.

I took the family car and driving swiftly, thoughts rumbled through my head. Flashbacks and

flashbacks of Ana came flooding as if I could picture them on the dashboard of the car. I ended

up where Ana was placed for her final resting spot, her grave was still not completely covered
 in the growing grass. I laid on the dirt and took a breath, looking at the murky sky.

Ana, Ana, Ana, you dumb whore. You should have known better not to be such a slut. I

walked through the woods where I eventually found myself home.

I rekindle of the thought of when I had my first blackout of anger. I was so young. My

oldest brother took my toy train and broke it right in front of me. I tackled him to the ground and

hit him across the face with the broken pieces. He had to get seven stitches above his eyebrow.

Another time, my freshman year football game I started my first varsity game, we lost 0-57. I

was so angry I broke three mirrors in the opposing team’s locker room. When my mom tried to

calm me down, I struck her across the face. After that, my parents forced me to see a therapist. I

was released eventually, telling my parents how their son was a narcissist and how he feels the

need to hurt anyone that maybe inferior to him. These fits of anger did not come back until I

started dating Ana.

I loved Ana more than life itself, however, I had a sense of jealously with her. In her life,

she had everything she ever wanted-a nice car, nice house, stable family, great academics, a

bright future. Everything she did overshadowed me, she overshadowed my greatness of who I

was. When she told me there was someone else, I could not let that happen. She would have been

even greater than me. So, I took a step forward and ended her. What do you think about that

Ana? This is my victory-that’s it baby girl-I win.

I understood that at this point, the police are on their way to find me. Before I left, I wrote

my confessions and final thoughts on a piece of paper with the notes attached right under it. I had

nothing left to say-I killed my girlfriend. It led me to be tormented by the thoughts of my mind. I

thought to myself-who could have possibly wrote those notes? Her lover, Ana, myself? I will
never know who for as long as I live.

I saw the red and blue lights flash near. My time was over. I have won.
Project Three: Humor Writing

The Five Things I Learned as A Waitress

Let me tell you, being a waitress is something else. The summer going into my sophomore year

of college, I needed a good job to pay for school next semester. I decided waitressing at a small

Irish pub right by a main road in my small town. Man, do I have some stories and learned a lot.

1.) I am a waitress! Not a stripper.

Well, yeah…you heard me right. I remember I was working a busy shift and this middle

aged man (typical right?) threw some tip money at me (he only tipped me 10%) and pat

me on by buttock. Uh…should I call the police or call my brother and dad (both Marines)

to handle this? I remember I was so taken back by this, that a man had the audacity to

touch a young woman like this-oh my goodness. Besides the point, I think I learned that

some men just do not know how to respect woman! So please the next time you sit at a

restaurant, don’t throw money at me and touch my butt… this is not Cheerleaders this is a

restaurant.

2.) Just ignore the college kids

Being a college kid myself, I love enjoying a good Green Tea shot with my fake ID

(sorry mom!) Anyway, I remember serving these dangerously intoxicated college kids,

literally their stomachs were filled with Yuenglings and mild wings. This one kid decided

to tip me $1 on a $40 bill because I brought out the wrong pierogi flatbread. After they

left and I cleaned for 20 minutes from their drunken mess, I complained to the bartender

about the tip and all she said was “Just ignore the college kids”. As a college kid myself, I
 took this into consideration when I am drinking with some friends. Look, the waiters

know you’re going to tip bad if you are a college kid, I guess get used to bad service in

your early 20’s.

3.) I do not care about your bread crumbs

At the restaurant I worked at, we had outdoor dining. This was super keen during COVID

times and the nice summer weather. However, PA weather is the most unpredictable. It began

to rain outside when one of my tables was finishing their lunch. When I was helping them in

for a dry refuge, the lady threw her friend and crust at me asking me to box it. Being a

germaphobe myself, I awkwardly touch her dish and put the fries in a to go box. Little did I

know, she complained about how I did not add her bread crust. My brain just filled with

question marks. The last time I checked I was not a mind reader and did not know this Karen

wanted her crumbs from her sandwich. So let me tell you, your waitress cannot read minds!

So, don’t just assume I’ll put your crumbs in a to-go box. 4.) I cannot please everyone

At the restaurant, if it was a nice sunny day, it tended to be fairly busy. At the peak of

businesses, I was probably managing eight tables at one time. With only one other

waitress, this was not fun. You would see my sweaty body bounce table to table, where

my mouth was drier than the Sahara. Besides the point, there was one day in particular

like this and this typical Karen sits down and mumbles her drink order. I asked her three

times to repeat it and she got to the point where she was screaming in my face. I took my

best guess putting into the kiosk, however, I still got it wrong. I remember her slamming

her hand on the table and screamed “I AM SO DONE WITH YOU. I WANT A NEW

WAITRESS!” I walked with my head down, trying to hold back the tears. After having a
 mini panic attack and taking a deep breath, I reassured myself that I cannot just please

everyone. And, I feel that is a valuable life lesson I can take from here on out through

life.

5.) In the end, it is worth it

I really wouldn’t change my waitressing job for the world. For all the tears and frustration

from nasty Karens, I learned so many things and took many life lessons away. There was

a couple that came in every Tuesday for happy hours and after a rough two weeks of

balancing summer classes and two jobs, I just wanted to roll up in a ball and cry for

hours. However, with a drink from Dunkin and a scoop of pre-workout I managed my

shift. I always talked to the couple about my future plans of being an English teacher and

changing kids’ lives. They told me that I had a great head on my shoulders and that the

future was bright. This was super encouraging for I was stressed about what my future

looks like. When they left, they left me a $100 tip and writing “for wanting to change

kids’ lives”. I was so in shock and awe by their kindness, I had to take a breath. Little acts

of kindness made me realize that behind every crappy job, there is always hope for

kindness in the world.

Self-Evaluation

This semester, I felt this had to be one of my favorite classes. I think it gave me some piece and

sensibility to what I wanted to write about and not necessarily writing for someone. I talked

about this in my Craft Paper but, my whole life, I have always liked making up stories and

dabbling in writing. However, I never really knew how to use it.

This class taught me how to bring that skill to life and how to use it. I first realized that with the
“Name Essay”. I used my writing in the essay as a way to express who I am and romanticize

myself which I felt like I really needed in that moment. Along with, with my story “The Letter”,

I understood my fears too -I watch a lot of crime shows and I am always scared I will get hurt in

a relationship, besides the point. With writing, I learned to communicate what I was feeling. In

sum, this class taught me how to love writing and use it for myself, which I felt like I did not

know at the beginning of this semester.

Thank you Shannon for a good semester!! I know Zoom can be tough but you really made it

worth it getting out of bed everyday!