beginnings. Resolutions are made, lists are created, workout equipment is purchased, and budgets are realigned. It’s exciting to shove off into a “new beginning” and (finally) make some progress toward a goal or dream. But a month or two later . . . not so much. It takes work and a lot of willpower to keep a good thing going—especially considering the state of the world at this time.
In an insightful article on his blog, James Clear
(author of Atomic Habits) shares five reasons why habits don’t always stick:
1. Trying to Change Everything at Once
2. Starting With a Habit That is Too Big 3. Seeking a Result, Not a Ritual 4. Not Changing Your Environment 5. Assuming Small Changes Don’t Add Up
Although this information (coupled with the solutions
presented) is helpful for any and all habits, I want to focus in on the keystone habit of improving our relationships. One way to do that is by learning to consistently speak the primary love language of others. James Clear writes, “New goals don’t deliver new results. New lifestyles do. And a lifestyle is not an outcome, it is a process. For this reason, all of your energy should go into building better rituals, not chasing better results.”
It breaks down like this: A date night can be fun, but
a lifestyle that embraces Quality Time is better. Washing the dishes can be helpful, but a lifestyle of Acts of Service is cherished. A text messaged heart emoji is thoughtful, but a lifestyle of Words of Affirmation speaks volumes. You get the picture.
With this in mind, we created a unique app to help
couples express love more consistently to one another in ways that truly connect. It’s called Love Nudge and it's like having a personal assistant for your relationship. And . . . it’s completely FREE.
As we enter 2021, head on over to
5lovelanguages.com/app to see how this unique app can help you confidently grow closer to the one you love . . . one language at a time.
Happy New Year, my friends. May this be your best
year yet!
Warmly,
Dr. Gary Chapman
Author of The 5 Love Languages® Discover your love language at 5lovelanguages.com
P.S. Let’s connect! Join me on Facebook, Twitter,
Instagram, or the new 5 Love Languages group on Facebook.
Could you use a little creativity in speaking love and
appreciation to others? Here are a few suggestions to inspire you:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: “My
boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. When he sends me a text message that I really love, I save it. Then, the next time we’re together, he reads the saved messages back to me. It’s a great way to be reminded of how he feels about me, and to hear it in his own voice.” —Samantha
ACTS OF SERVICE: “Heading into winter,
I like to make the bed with an electric blanket on my wife's side of the bed a few hours before bedtime. The comfort of crawling into a bed that feels like a warm cinnamon roll melts her in my arms and helps us have a wonderful night of sleep.” —Jeff
GIFTS: “The language of gifts can be
nuanced. I found that my wife scored gifts high, though she banned me from giving her presents/gifts in private. What she likes is public gifts (e.g., flowers to her office, stopping by the office with something). It's the private gifts—those she has to tell someone I gave her—that seem to not fit the bill.” —Grant
QUALITY TIME: “Due to COVID, we have
been living in separate homes and missing our 'in-person' date nights. We decided to get creative by sending each other a calendar invite for a 'virtual' date night using Zoom—taking turns setting the theme and dress for the occasion. We each bring drinks and nibbles, and we sing, dance, and create fun games together.” —Jacqueline
PHYSICAL TOUCH: “When we started
wearing masks because of COVID, we took a break from giving each other quick kisses and pecks on the cheek even though we're both love Physical Touch. Now we touch masks—giving each other a peck on the lips with our masks on. It may seem silly, but it makes us look forward to our physical time at home (without masks) even more!” —Sue
If you would like to suggest a creative way in which
you speak a particular love language, we'd love to hear from you. Click here to send us your suggestions.
Disclaimer: Any information or suggestions in this newsletter are for general
informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional, counseling, legal and/or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you require professional, counseling, legal and/or medical advice, please consult a qualified practitioner or therapist.
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