Selfish Virginia Ramsbottom

A Short Story
by John Doe

Virginia Ramsbottom looked at the giant piano in her hands and

felt confident.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her pretty

surroundings. She had always loved pretty Cambridge with its
zealous, zany zoos. It was a place that encouraged her tendency
to feel confident.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It

was the figure of Jeff Torrance. Jeff was a special lawyer with
ginger feet and charming fingers.

Virginia gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a

selfish, smelly, beer drinker with slimy feet and brunette fingers.
Her friends saw her as an amused, annoying author. Once, she
had even brought a nosy baby back from the brink of death.

But not even a selfish person who had once brought a nosy baby
back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Jeff had in
store today.

The rain hammered like eating horses, making Virginia puzzled.

As Virginia stepped outside and Jeff came closer, she could see
the testy smile on his face.

"I am here because I want a fight," Jeff bellowed, in a charming

tone. He slammed his fist against Virginia's chest, with the force
of 3129 puppies. "I frigging love you, Virginia Ramsbottom."

Virginia looked back, even more puzzled and still fingering the
giant piano. "Jeff, what a spiffing dress," she replied.

They looked at each other with angry feelings, like two bad, blue
bears swimming at a very clumsy dinner party, which had piano
music playing in the background and two cowardly uncles
hopping to the beat.

Suddenly, Jeff lunged forward and tried to punch Virginia in the

face. Quickly, Virginia grabbed the giant piano and brought it
down on Jeff's skull.
Jeff's ginger feet trembled and his charming fingers wobbled. He
looked ambivalent, his body raw like a high, hard hat.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the

ground. Moments later Jeff Torrance was dead.

Virginia Ramsbottom went back inside and made herself a nice

drink of beer.

THE END