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Adult Children of Divorce and Intimate Relationships: A Review of The Literature
Adult Children of Divorce and Intimate Relationships: A Review of The Literature
Adult Children of Divorce and Intimate Relationships: A Review of The Literature
Christensen, Brooks
JOURNAL:
/ ADULT
COUNSELING
CHILDREN OF
ANDDIVORCE
THERAPY FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES / July 2001
v Literature Review—Research
Research that focuses on the long-term effects of divorce indicates a Within the past 10 years, there has been an increase in
lower sense of well-being and overall quality of life as well as rela- ACD research and literature that addresses factors such as
tionship problems for those who experience the divorce of their par- trust, intimate relationships, and attitudes toward marriage
ents as children. Many researchers have shown that parental divorce (Arditti, 1999; Gabardi & Rosen, 1992; Johnston & Thomas,
affects children long after they are grown and involved in intimate re- 1996; Tasker, 1992; Westervelt & Vandenberg, 1997). There
lationships of their own. This article provides a review of research
is evidence that scholars and clinicians are increasingly inter-
specific to the effects of parental divorce on adults in terms of rela-
ested in both detrimental and favorable outcomes of parental
tionship issues. Specific purposes of this review are to (a) explore re-
search specific to intimacy and marital attitudes in adult children of divorce (Gately & Schwebel, 1992; Thomas & Rudolph,
divorce, (b) inform couple and family counselors of the complex and 2000). The purpose of this article is to provide a review of
pervasive effects of parental divorce, and (c) relay implications for research focused on the implications of parental divorce on
effective treatment and future research. adults’ perceptions of intimacy and marriage as well as impli-
cations for future research and practice.
THE FAMILY JOURNAL: COUNSELING AND THERAPY FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES, Vol. 9 No. 3, July 2001 289-294
© 2001 Sage Publications
289
the number of sexual partners for both men and women manner in which ACD function in their interpersonal
(Gabardi & Rosen, 1991). Wallerstein and Blakeslee (1989) relationships.
attributed gender differences to developmental issues as
apposed to divorce. They concluded that young boys showed Trust
more signs of trauma than girls in their developmental years In a study conducted with 60 young adults from divorced
but that girls’ problems became more apparent in young families, Johnston and Thomas (1996) explored risk, trust,
adulthood. As evidenced by these studies, there is contrasting and family conflict as factors affecting ACD. Participants
data regarding gender as a predictor of how parental divorce were comprised of two groups, young adults whose parents
affects adults. However, there seems to be slightly more evi- were divorced and those whose parents were still married
dence indicating that women have more difficulty with inti- with low-conflict marriages. None of the participants were
macy than men. married, and all were involved in monogamous heterosexual
Age relationships that had lasted for at least 3 months. Each partic-
ipant completed (a) the Perceived Risk Scale, (b) the Dyadic
Researchers have also indicated that the age of the child at Trust Scale, (c) a demographic questionnaire, and (d) the
the time of his or her parents’ divorce has a significant effect Parental Conflict Scale. Based on the responses from all four
on whether these children struggle with interrelationship scales, Johnston and Thomas discovered that ACD possess an
problems when they enter adulthood. However, according to overall lack of trust when it comes to intimate relationships
Thomas and Rudolph (2000), “relating risk to age when and marriage. As ACD expect to have failed marriages, their
exploring the negative impact of divorce on children has also
perceived relationship risk is high. Thus, adult children of
been rather contradictory” (p. 442). Oderberg (1986) con-
divorce are more likely than adults from intact and low-con-
ducted a study at the University of California at Santa Cruz in
flict families to experience lower levels of trust in their rela-
which 4 men and 8 women were randomly selected out of 32
tionships and partners. As a result, intimate relationships are
undergraduates. All participants were between the ages of 5
hindered due to a fear of rejection and a lack of trust.
and 17 when their parents got divorced and had lived with one
parent for more than 3 years prior to leaving for college. Family Conflict
Results indicated that the younger the age at the time of
divorce, the more problems the person had with intimate rela- Family conflict is an obvious factor that influences many
tionships in adulthood. Oderberg attributed this finding to ACD. Westervelt and Vandenberg (1997) conducted a study
children’s inability to understand and deal with divorce at a with 91 male and 133 female undergraduate students that
young age. Younger children also have a lack of social sup- focused on young adults’ capacities for intimacy. Of the 224
port outside of the family (friends, peer groups, schoolmates, participants, 111 were from intact families and 113 were from
etc.). Oderberg’s findings were supported by the earlier work divorced families. Subjects were asked to complete (a) a
of Hetherington et al. (1978), who indicated that younger demographic questionnaire, (b) the Family Environment
children suffer more severe long-term effects of a divorce. Scale, and (c) the Psychological Intimacy Questionnaire.
However, based on a 10-year follow-up investigation of chil- Westervelt and Vandenberg (1997) found that parental sta-
dren from divorced families, Wallerstein (1984) indicated tus was not significantly associated with intimacy but that
that younger children suffer less long-term trauma because conflictual parental relationships accounted for difficulties
they remember less. with intimacy. Based on these results, a majority of the prob-
Other researchers claim that the length of time since the lems that ACD experience with intimacy are directly related
divorce serves as a major predictor of how ACD will deal with to family conflict. Westervelt and Vandenberg asserted that chil-
interpersonal relationship issues. Gabardi and Rosen (1992) dren learn inappropriate behavior, poor conflict management
found that the greater the number of years since the divorce, skills, and dysfunctional patterns from their parents. They
the greater the risk of ACD forming unrealistic beliefs about then create similar environments and practice the same behav-
relationships in general. According to Gabardi and Rosen, iors that they observed while growing up in high-conflict fam-
parental divorce leads to unrealistic beliefs regarding the ilies and high-risk relationships.
underlying meaning of disagreements in relationships. Ado- In their investigation of differences between college stu-
lescents and adults who had lived for years with the aftermath dents from divorced and intact families, Gabardi and Rosen
of parental divorce often interpreted disagreements as an (1991) also found parental conflict to be a strong predictor of
intense experience that may lead to divorce. Likewise, these intimacy problems and negative attitudes toward marriage for
individuals possessed misperceptions about needing multiple ACD—especially when the parental conflict continued after
or the one “perfect” sexual partner to be satisfied. Whereas the divorce. Gabardi and Rosen emphasized that parents’ inti-
factors such as time since divorce and developmental level mate relationships seem to be a significant element in how
address negative outcomes of divorce and coping mecha- young adults resolve their own personal struggles with inti-
nisms, numerous other factors are thought to influence the macy and marriage.
Sexual Behaviors and Emotional Neediness tional deficits due to the failed marriages of their parents.
Thus, they seek intimacy and committed relationships with
Parental divorce has also been known to affect the sexual the hope that such relationships will fulfill their emotional
behaviors of young adults. In another study conducted in and physical needs for affection.
1992, Gabardi and Rosen used 107 male and 193 female stu-
dents between the ages of 18 and 25 at Colorado State Univer- Factors Specific to Marital Attitudes
sity to explore the differences among intimate relationship Although considerations such as gender, age, length of
characteristics between college students from divorced and time since the divorce, trust, family conflict, sexual behavior,
intact families. All participants were asked to complete a and emotional neediness shed light on the implications of
series of questionnaires that asked for information on demo- parental divorce on adults’ perceptions of intimacy and mar-
graphics, dating status, relationship beliefs, intimacy, sexual riage, other factors are specific to the sanction of marriage.
behaviors, attitudes toward marriage, and self-esteem. Cohabitation and the realization that divorce is an option were
Results indicated that students from divorced families had two factors that specifically influenced the marital attitudes of
significantly more sexual partners and desired more sexual ACD.
behavior than did students from intact families. In addition,
the fewer the number of years since the divorce, the more sex- Cohabitation
ual behaviors were desired. Gabardi and Rosen (1992) pro- Cohabitation, in which two people who are not married
vided two theoretical explanations linked to heightened sex- live together, seems to be a factor in ACD attitudes toward
ual behavior—(a) that heightened sexual behavior may be marriage. Tasker (1992) conducted a study with 331 Cam-
due to conflict between parents before or after the divorce, bridge, U.K., teenagers who were from both intact and
thus children of divorce are more needy of physical/sexual divorced families. Each participant filled out a questionnaire
affection; and (b) that heightened sexual behavior may be due that asked about their (a) desire for marriage in the future,
to a desire to have a better relationship and a myth that sexual (b) reasons for their decisions about marriage in the future,
intimacy would lead to love or a healthier relationship. In con- and (c) whether they would consider living with someone out
clusion, Gabardi and Rosen indicated that heightened sexual of wedlock. Tasker found that adults from divorced families
behavior may in fact be evidence of lower levels of intimacy prefer cohabitation over marriage. Furthermore, ACD were
for adult children of divorce as opposed to children from more likely to say that they did not want to marry in the future
intact families. as compared to adults from intact families. Tasker also found
The findings of Gabardi and Rosen (1992) correspond that although children of divorce have a more negative view of
with a longitudinal investigation on the marital attitudes of marriage, they are more likely to put themselves in situations
adult children of divorce (Amato, 1996). In 1980, Amato that promote marriage. Such situations include leaving
(1996) conducted a telephone study using random-digit dial- school, leaving home, and being in steady intimate relation-
ing with 2,033 married persons nationally. Respondents were ships. Results from Tasker’s study indicated that regardless of
questioned on variables such as parental divorce, explanatory the negative views that ACD possess about marriage, they
variables that included age of marriage, prior cohabitation, more often put themselves in situations that promote it. Thus,
couple’s education level, husband’s income, wife’s income, ACD are more likely to enter marriage based on circumstance
wife’s employment, prodivorce attitudes, and interpersonal as opposed to choice.
behavior problems. Then in 1983, 1,592 of the original
respondents were contacted and an additional 150 respon- Recognizing Divorce as an Option
dents were reached by mailed questionnaire asking about Children of divorce often hold the belief that marriage
marital status. This was followed by interviews with 1,341 does not last a lifetime and that divorce is always a choice or
original respondents and an additional 94 in 1988. Finally in way out of a bad relationship. Arising from this belief is a
1992, 1,189 original respondents were interviewed for the decrease in the stigma surrounding divorce (Glenn & Kramer,
third time, and an additional 45 people were added to the sam- 1987). As ACD believe that there are fewer stigmas related to
ple. The 1983, 1988, and 1992 interviews included questions divorce, they are more likely to get divorced. In fact, research
on whether the participants had divorced, separated, or lost a has shown that college-age students from divorced families
spouse to death since the last interview. The study measured have higher divorce rates (Booth, Brinkerhoff, & White,
the intergenerational transmission of divorce or the way in 1984; Kitson, 1992). As Johnston and Thomas (1996) com-
which divorce affects future generations within the family. mented, when children of divorce experience problems in
Results indicated that ACD marry at an earlier age, espe- adult relationships, they are often more reliant on divorce as
cially when both spouses came from divorced families. an option rather than working on the relationship. This atti-
Amato (1996) attributed the eagerness of ACD to marry to the tude that marriage can be dissolved rather than worked on
overwhelming emotional needs of adults from divorced fami- may very well be a large contributor to the rise in divorce rates
lies. Consequently, Amato believed that ACD suffer emo- over the past three decades.
Sorosky, A. D. (1977). The psychological effects of divorce on adolescents. Zill, N., Morrison, D. R., & Coiro, M. J. (1993). Long-term effects of parental
Adolescence, 12, 123-136. divorce on parent-child relationships, adjustment, and achievement in
Tasker, F. L. (1992). Anti-marriage attitudes and motivations to marry young adulthood. Journal of Family Psychology, 7, 91-103.
amongst adolescents with divorced parents. Journal of Divorce and
Remarriage, 18, 105-119. Teresa M. Christensen received her Ph.D. in 1999 from Idaho State
Thomas, C. L., & Rudolph, L. B. (2000). Counseling children (5th ed.). University in counselor education and counseling. She is currently
Belmont, CA: Wadsworth. an assistant professor at the University of New Orleans, where she
Wallerstein, J. (1984). Children of divorce: Ten-year follow-up of young
specializes in child and adolescent counseling, play therapy, group
work, clinical supervision, and qualitative research. In addition, she
children. American Journal of Orthopyschiatry, 53, 444-458. has a small private practice at Pastoral Counseling Center in New
Wallerstein, J. (1991). The long-term effects of divorce on children: A Orleans. Her clinical and research interests include children and
review. Journal of the American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychia- adolescents, trauma, group work, clinical supervision, and qualita-
try, 30, 349-360. tive research. She is a licensed professional counselor-supervisor
Wallerstein, J., & Blakeslee, S. (1989). Second chances: Men, women, and
(in Louisiana), a registered play therapist-supervisor, and a nation-
ally certified counselor.
children a decade after divorce. New York: Ticknor & Fields.
Wallerstein, J., & Kelly, J. (1980). Surviving the breakup: How children and Morgan C. Brooks received her M.Ed. in 2000 from the University
parents cope with divorce. New York: Basic Books. of New Orleans in counselor education and human services counsel-
Wendel, P. (1997, September). Counseling children of divorce. Counseling ing. She is currently a doctoral student in the counselor education
program at the University of New Orleans. Her clinical and research
Today, 40(30), 35, 56.
interests include working with couples, divorce issues, mediation,
Westervelt, K., & Vandenberg, B. (1997). Parental divorce and intimate rela- and college counseling. She is a licensed professional counselor in-
tionships of young adults. Psychological Reports, 80, 923-926. tern in Louisiana and a nationally certified counselor.