Apathy, abbey, and what else…

For such a long time I couldn't think of anything else but to light up another one. That's where I
felt at home.
In all that „swirl of stagnation“, by no means could I forget about myself. Being in a silent
company for so long could by no chance go undetected. Truly worried that I would get some
kind of a tic, and that it would be the only way of gaining attention, I boded what it would look
like on the horizon – me, the ex-egocentric.

After all those roles had been played and utter confusion appeared after the question „Who are
you?“ had been asked, I must admit I'm also having some serious troubles with the „ways of
expressing myself“. Fully aware that keeping distance is the right way, along the way I had to notice
the fact that I wasn't the kind of guy who knew how to be reticent or at least how to speak the
spoken in a silent voice, which inevitably inhibited the strategy of the „right way“. It seems that I've
been making a fool of myself for far more than enough, so that, inevitably and infallibly, I'll have to
quit that favourite hobby of mine in the middle of the fourth decade of my exstance.
I'm not sure whether I've got any other option left but to keep waving between „not serious enough
for his age“ and „too serious to be taken seriously“.

It was January, the very begining.

There was no snow, and January can't be wonderful then.
Those who hadn't been children for long were playing with firecrackers. Their persistance in actions
irritated me up to vexation.
I came to the window and heckled something funny. They were pretending they didn't hear. I hailed – Is
it possible that they haven't heard me? They said they had also heard me the first time. Anyhow, they
backed out.
I reminded myself of the neighbour from my street who used to drive us away when we were children
because we couldn't, by any chance, remember the house-rules. Well, maybe I'm even worse.
Except for technology, the world doesn't change.
 The Observer participated when needed. Mostly he was uninspired.
The Participant, as strained as they had made him, couldn't notice that he was about to be wasted,
regardless of his carefully nurished body. Furthermore, as his concentration kept falling down, he'd
become more and more nervous due to the fact that he was being observed.
When the Observer asked the Participant to stop approving himself to the people he hadn't loved, and
to start observing with him, the Participant saw the Observer as terrifying and, for the first time,
extraneous. Nevertheless, the Observer had always known this, he felt sorry, because it has been the
Participant with the heart.

The female gnu gave birth to the „unstable one“ in his jelly placenta, while the young cougar was watching couriously.
The gnu's hoof can be deadly-penetrable, so the young one instictively showed a surplus of precaution. After a couple
of minutes, the gnu's unstable offspring started to run away from his herd. That was the exact thing cougar had
expected, so he tried to use the moment of departure for his obvious intention. The young one was saved by the
homogeneous neighbour who had started to chase the cougar. The parents didn't even have the time to rebuke their
calf before it was eaten by the crocodile. The young ones know no fear.

She used something every day. She worked hard, though. In the evening – dance... Otherwise –
anger...
She met a man who claimed: „it's no easy to kill oneself“, mentioning by the way, „there's always
some fear left“. At first wondering: „why he's saying all those things to me“, just a moment later
she was listening to him carefully. When they met again, he didn't recognize her, but he was
listening attentively. Finally, he told her that the name he had and the one that was attaching her
to him wasn't true, that he was somebody else and that besides he wasn't feeling so good that day
anyway.
After making God knows which consecutive mistake in her life, she decided not to stop. A few days
before, she had decided to have a threesome with two guys. Not being able to enjoy anymore and
letting whoever wants to enjoy her became terrifying for her. She stopped hunting her
contoversies. She wasn't indifferent about it, but she didn't explore either – why she was doing it.

The witness of the Epoch

The dolphins started to eat people in 2010 or 2011, it isn't important any more. The events had been
preceded by „the all-mammals council“, where the decision that the dolphin, as mammal most
alike the man, has to go against his friend-for-centuries, since man's behaviour has become
unbearable not only for mammals but also for the rest of the living things.
Among the mammals were some who had second thoughts about the decision that was ominous to
the survival of the planet everybody are sharing, but strong support to the decision that had been
given by the other species, together with the silent approvement by the plants, made the dolphins
the chosen ones.
 Sporadic sexual attacks by the dolphins, recorded with an eye camera under apposition, against
their trainers during animating the rich tourists were just an introduction to the epilogue
cataclysmic to the man – the aggression of the dolphins with clearly stated intentions didn't
impart to the men anything more than, as every one have thought, accidentally incidents.
When they had received the message in a way unknown to the human senses, the captured
dolphins (trained, alias affected toward the man), tried to show to their friend-for-centuries that
something was wrong by simulating the attacks. Men, obsessed with absurd, in time started to
even enjoy in these attacks.
The ocean has been considerably throwing out the victims for whom the people accused the sharks
which, except for the agreement with the decision of „the all-mammals council“, didn't take part in
the originally slaughters for they have believed it to be an inner matter of mammals.
As the killing dolphins matter oozed out, it also encouraged the other mammals enclosed to man
to give their contribution, and among these the pigs, an animal species closest to the man, at least
on the Western Hemisphere, took the most significant place.
After that, successive incidents provoked by insects and birds that were devastating humans in the
cities and transferring epidemics afterwards unselfishly transferred from one man to another,
came. The wild animals especially excelled by brutality came into the poor black man's villages in
hordes and made slaughters of which one, in order to be polite, just cannot talk.
This way, the black man once again took the greatest sacrifice for the white man's lust for
expansion that had threatened to melt and afterwards sink the Earth through global warming if
there weren't the actions of jointed animal species.
After the jointed action with insects, the birds, wishful each for her own caprice, to take revenge on man
and all his belongings, have possessed the cities. Nothing has been left to be done to the remaining human
kind, but to get back to the land and its creative nature. They have built the underground shelters made of
concrete in record-breaking time, and the minority of them has been left behind in the reservations which,
because of their extremely cruel climate weren't inhabited by animal species. In these „the pockets of the
planet“, supplied with technologies, vitamins and a good willing, men have started to make plans to take
over the planet again.

Prerada...... pre prevoda

...A za to vreme raste bes preživelih.

Svi ratovi na Bliskom Istoku od sedamdesetih pa na ovamo vodiše se zbog polja maka u Avganistanu,
oficijalnog izvora heroina za ceo svet.
Učešće Sovjeta u ratnim igrama završiše se iz jednog jedinog razloga – u Avganistanu možeš, ili biti
ubijen, ili biti na heroinu.
Kako je sumanutost „u zemlji maka i ničega“ postala karakterna crta sovjetskog vojnika nakon par
godina boravka, zbog pomenute materije intoksinirani vozači tenkova naletaše na mine krajnje naivno,
a neprijatelja drugačije teško da su mogli primetiti. Što bi se reklo – Na heroinu odoše, zbog heroina se
vratiše.
Potpuno svesni da je avganistanski heroin pomogao formiranju hipi pokreta, Amerikancima je
Avganistan odavno skrenuo pažnju na sebe kao izvor potencijalnih zala.
Sovjetska rola u Avganistanu im je samo pomogla da sa tom zemljom za koju bi se svašta moglo tvrditi,
ali nikako da je egzotična, jedno vreme razviju prijateljske odnose i sa svojim neprirodnim prijateljima,
Talibanima, protiv prirodnog neprijatelja, komunističkog Sovjetskog Saveza.
Izgubivši neprijatelja među „drogiranim dilerima“, dakle najgorom sortom, Amerikancima se nakon
kratkog perioda kontrolisane distribucije desilo još gore zlo – izvori heroina pali su u ruke „dilera
strejtaša“, verskih fanatika, najgorih među Mudžahedinima, bivšim saradnicima koji vas smatraju
izdajnicima i koji vašim raketama proteraše stondirane Ruse.
Tek nakon dva pogotka putničkim letelicama u „Centar trgovaca svetom“, Amerikanci zbog odmazde
odlučiše preuzeti kontrolu nad poljima maka, optuživši Talibane da stoje iza pomenutog spektakla sa
ogromnim žrtvama.
Plemenske vođe, asketske rutine pri ubijanju – postaše od početka 21og veka do današnjih dana,
doduše nevoljno po svetske bosove - „prva ruka“.
Sledbenici proroka Muhameda se opredeljuju za još viša brda i još alternativnije pravce kojim se drevna
tvar prevoziše preko Turske za Evropsku Uniju u susret narastajućim potrebama njenih anksioznih
stanovnika.
Militantno krilo ovih verskih fanatika u „zemlji maka i ničega“ danas se bori da povrati kontrolu nad
apsolutno svim izvorima heroina i da na taj način počne da u šaci drži režim na Zapadu time što jedinu
potencijalno revolucionarnu grupu protiv njega – heroinske zavisnike, drži napetim poput tempirane
bombe. Stabilno snabdevanje zapadnih zemalja „sokom maka“ od krucijalne je važnosti po stopu
kriminaliteta u tim zemljama. Ne samo što bi se nedostatak tvari bitno osetio u ceni koju više socijalna
pomoć ne bi mogla podmiriti, već bi nezaposleni, kao najproblematičnija populacija u uslovima
nestabilnog snabdevanja, činili zločine i kriminal svake vrste u meri koja bi bitno prevazilazila razmere
uobičajenog.
Kako je danas sasvim izvesno da će Talibani uskoro povratiti suverenitet nad poljima maka, uz ulazak
Turske u Evropsku Uniju (Veliki Trnovac u Srbiji postaje i zvanično Centralni Distributivni Centar - CDC) i
geostrateški položaj Srbije postaje potencijalni poligon novih ratnih igara.
Nema poente, samo činjenice.
Occupied Wall Street – i šta onda?

The Fat One, with flushed cheeks and white curly wig, introduced himself as the representer of the
most important international judges (abbreviated - „The Holly Court“) and said he'd adjudicate us.
After that, he poured from the round carafe into his rectangular glass. The moment we started
argumentatively compiling, the representer of the Holy Judges started picking his nose markedly
indiscreetly. It lasted for a while, and he keept doing it with utter persistance. We kept on
mentioning the papers which, although being on our side, undoubtedly seemed to be - just the
papers. We knew there was a disturbed value-system in our country's society, but we didn't bode
„it“ has reached that level in the world. We felt clearly resigned.
The Holly Court adjourned the conviction. In the lobbies could be heard that it was the most he
could do for us at that moment. Before that, of course, he had made us „temporarily incapable“.
However, today we are waiting for the verdict somehow less resigned, feeling acquiescence of the
elderlies.

By drilling the water-draining well at the oligo-mineral spring on the other side of the hill, D. R.
(44) has directly jepardized the interests of „Coca-Cola“ concern which had bought the only
oligo-mineral water factory in that area a year before.
Soon after they had seen something was wrong with the system, the manufacturing facility
managers alarmed the administration building's personality, who promptly alarmed the
Southeastern Europe central.
D. R., otherwise being known for various useless treasures, abilities and hobbies, conidered the idea
to be the best that could be given to the people. The common people had been watching the
construction works on the other side of the hill with disbelief at first, but when D. R. had decided it
all should be for the wellbeing of the village and muncipality, because the water is national wealth,
the villagers had seen „something was there“ and started night watch over the water-draining
well on the opposite side of hill from the one the concern had owned.
 Due to the people's benevolence, the public order forces were unable to protect the foregin
investitors' interests and to enforce law over the waggish fourty-four year old man. Epilogue: D. R.
has gain a public function and the water, as natural wealth, started to made rich those whom it
belongs to.

I mustn't be wandering any more.

I have reached a point where the inspiration has nothing to do with my inner world. Everything lies
outside. Everybody is busy...
And I mustn't be wandering any more.

Having got a child with a „God-damned good one“, I really had no idea what I'd got myself in.
I spent every moment in the hospital by her side, sympathised with every scream...
And then it started... Just after we left the hospital, she started accusing me that, despite of clearly visible
difference in our heights, I had made her pregnant and it led her to extremely painful delivery , and the fact
that delivery widened her hips will affect her body constitution. Beside that, she said she couldn't stand
women, and I had intentionally made her a female child; I didn't have a full-time job (altough I'd never
considered painting as job), which would be a warranty of at least some kind of certainty to her; I didn't
understand her...
A certain silence, which had appeared for a short time, was, unfortunately, interrupted by me, with an attempt
of comforting her. She stopped crying for a moment and gave me the look trough which I realised how serious
she could be. Stopping for a second and then leaving, she said: No, no... I cannot do this...
I looked at the infant I was holding in my arms. The child, as a child, didn't understand a thing...

By killing Stiven Spielberg in an entirely accidental encounter, Adam Evans Jr, the marginal man, by no chance
could have known what he has actually done and what a swirl of events has been provoced by one simple act
of murder.
„Russians behind everything“, „The unprovoked Russian revenge“, „A shot in the symbol of successful America“
– were the first headlines of media reports. It was a bit more difficult to say the motive of the conspiracy,
but...
Explaining his act, Adam Evans Jr claimed he didn't asked for more than a dollar (give me five), but the famous
director's reaction was completly inappropriate – „Find yourself a job, find yourself a job...“, hitting Adam's
head using newspapers that were running short of papers. Adam added that it was the moment when it
detonated, first in his head, than in his hand. – Nothing more but a disdain in exchange for gaiety?!
Regardless of the fact that the famous director didn't understand the beggar's true wish, connotating to a
man who has, let it be said, already choosen his way and, by any doubts, has proven his intentions to stick to
it, is, at least, inevitable. Being a man of style and taste, Adam took the colt (his father's legacy) in his right
hand and judged Spielberg by shoothing him. In a death-rattle, Spielberg has also said: „You have no idea what
you have done...“, and, in some way, made Adam acquitted of responsibility, but the officers from the 3269
patrol car, who, being in a routine driving across the neighbourhood, appeared just after the incident, didn't
share his opinion.
When he has found out the identity of the deceased, the black officer G. S. couldn't hide his pleasure – he's
finally got something big. The FBI appeared after two and a half minutes and in tough scenes removed from
Adam the twenty-seven officers who have been asking the miserable beggar for an autograph in that
moment.
As for „the innosente“Russians, after the murder of Steven Spielberg it became clearly to all that the new era
of cold war between Russia and the USA is about to begin. As for the changes in the film industry, after the
death of the man who has marked an era of the film industry, the special effects had lost their significance
and the directors came back to the dialogue and humanity as the dominant ways of expression.
The boys finally came of age when they were able to kill precisely and their country couldn't let the
anxiety overwhelm their bodies, so, the moment they had got their IDs, they were drawn into the Game. It
was also completly clear to them that killing without the goverment's approval wasn't allowed and „those
who had been boys until yesterday“ were aware enough to know the rules had to be followed. Some of
them wanted to kill from a plane, some prefered shooting from a hammer gun, and most of them, as they
say, „boys will be boys“ – it's just important to shoot. War Games desingners, having everything in mind,
for the first time in the history of war games, decided that women's presence shouldn't be just
inflammable, but also desirable. In those conditions, the appearance is the least important. The force of
boys and aunts was devastating and killing, supported by the cordial efforts of their countries and in order
to acheive peace that would be permanent and profitable for everybody.

Due to the lack of grace and under the set of unfavourable circumstances, the Hero entered the
enchanted forest. More of them roused, but, after traveling for a long time, he looked back over his
shoulder and realised he was alone.
He was already far and away when he realised he doesn't know where he is, except that he's in the
forest, enchanted in all directions.
What surprised him most in the enchanted forest was that all the beasts were watching but none
attacking him. Truth to say, he didn't expect mercy in their eyes, solely wondering and a string of
ignorance.
After being caught by surprise for a moment, the Hero decided to keep on, and as he was going further, the
road behind him was dissapearing. Only water which was covering everything laying along the road
remained. Estranged with the sight, he didn't feel any grief for what was lying along the road. He thought
he'd be sorry if the water would withdraw and reveal all the bad things on which he came across along the
road. There was enough to be putting into oblivion for the rest of his life. A few hours have already passed
since his last big defeat. It's obvious now that he had expected more than it was bearable. He expected
discipline from his followers because he felt it was the only way to survive in the enchanted forest. He
expected his followers to handle more than they could bare. They are truly common people and they don't
tolerate any kind of magic.

I'm surrounded by exclusively-money-feeding beasts. If I don't have any money, they want me to
be funny, and I cannot be funny all the time.
I'm spending my time isolated in order to see them as less as possible because of my incapabitlity
to respond to their expectations, but I cannot be constantly closed (locked up) either. Once I used
to look forward to the meetings. Now I'm looking forward only to the strangers. Once I used to
know the value of love, now I'm killing my days with sex.
Once, I used to be spontanious, now I'm doing only what I must, giving minimal effort.
I used to believe once... today, I can't even remember any more.
Anyway, there's no way out, even if I'd really be locked up. A difficult situation...

Virtual will completely replace real and then we shall, probably, finally be satisfied. I crussified someone's
body last night and today I'm completely sure I won't be doing any such thing, unless I do it beause of
emotions.
Medias, and also a lot of my acquaintances, were persuading me that there is no love and that my intention
would only lead me into isolation. In such a division, they would, I guess, still be „opened“. Regardless of the
 all-present scepticism, I'll keep striving.We have all been isolated long time ago, we just didn't get a proper
explanation, so I don't see the difference between dissapearing and this kind of existence.
All the best about „the crussified bodies“, but the time has come for me to redirect my need for crussifiction
to some other direction.
I'd like the chaste one.

Alone among my own.

I was born in this city, and so was my father. Alone among the friends, I had to ask myself – how
come I ended up among these people? It's not like I know where I might be, but I'm truly curious –
how come I ended up among these people? To be sportish and play fair with hypocrites and to
expect winning without using strenght?! – You come out to be not only weak, but naive too.
Fair play would mean they don't stand a chance, so... No way! Fuck the money and things you use
to buy me.

She got married, too. We are left alone, just us, of all the crew. In spite of being about the our age,
she was our mom, and not having a mom on the street doesn't just sound like a problem – this was
drama. Without that absorber, we couldn't be driving fast any more.
The one that took her, a certain antiquarian, so courteous in public, but she was always saying that
she was actually afraid of him, and that he anointed his face in dark, so she wouldn't see how old
he was... But she got married and everything was in vain.
A few of us who were left had quarreled before too, but after she had gone, those became
uncovered fights. Instead of putting ourselves together and solving troubles before they multiply,
we drifted apart. Somebody had to take care of us, some voice of the common sense had to figure
over us, and with her departure we were left to ourselves, which was the most dangerous thing.
Not far after that, „we“ had become irrevocably lost. As for her, she was right again, because „he,
the hers“ had been hospitalized in a sanatorium kind of institution, and she kept successfully
running the antique shop and not only that she has her life story today, but, unlike of all of us, she
has an identity.
We were getting additionally lost on the way, got married, had children and started to disturb not only
them, but, a little bit, ourselves too.

New kids, trend

Thrusting rivets in their eyes

Thrusting rivets in their mouth
Becoming more and more original
Driving more and more hastily
 Always having better things to do
Always fucking each other hard
Talking authenticated
Knowing what to say
Having good intentions toward none
Knowing only the games of cruelty
Bodies underneath picture-books
Otherwise - uninformed
Looking God-damned good.

She

She was my reason to start talking to myself. Otherwise, either too slender or too chubby, because
her perfect proportion necessary required „something more“ and nothing less.
She concidered being in love if somebody obediently loves her and at the same time exceedingly
fucks her. Otherwise, she would lift the pole as high as she could, and than run away from the
competition. In the other case, she would inevitably close herself up. She could also notice injustice
by her side very precisely, but she'd turn off her detectors when she should notice it at herself. She
didn't need it then. At that time she'd just want her „to feel good“.

The Quarrelsome and the Agreeable, both mendacious. They didn't have the attitude, just the
negation.
They clearly concidered males inferior beings, ilustrating this attitude by giving examples of the
female superiority, from intelectual to moral ones.
„They come for what they need and than go...“ Because of the profesional secrets, they didn't want
to announce – they are all the same. The problem which imposed to these two was their age. The
rules of the cometition were rigorous and anything over thirty rises suspiciousness towards the
final score. And yet, the Quarrelsome and the Agreeable, each using her own strategy, are still
competiting.

The Reprobate was eating during the night. He had a marked tendency toward the unhealthy life,
and the illness which was avoiding him persistently made the situation additionally irritating.
Additionaly, and regardles of his adult age, he persistently kept hanging out with the girls at their
treshold of maturity. Besides that, and in order to gain stability, he has also always had an elderly
women in their fourth decade by his side...
Than the sport. Skilful with ball in hand. Activity shaped him so didn’t even have to go to the gym.
Damn him, if I only remember – he was a monk, too... To none but me he said the main reason for
going to monastery – indolence. Can you believe that simple indolence stands behind all those
profound words? And now that Reprobate will, in order to settle his indolence as permanent as
possible, also become an artist, without a day attending an Academy of Dramatic Arts?! And
behold, that damned duper has started to turn the people from that world towards himself.
Oh, where has this world deflected?, the mad ones have all the advantages, all!... Let me tell you, my
friend, that Reprobate has even had the chasted ones; do you understand that?! – all to him, my man, can
you comprehend this?, all to the mad ones, do you catch it? And what about me?, do you understand?, and
me – diarrhea for three months! Do you understand the division, a friend of mine?, do you understand the
division?, if only you could understand...

On, „vanserijski čist“, kroz suze moliše nekako jeftinu, ama lepu, da je spase. Dama nije
marila za suze, ali u celoj sceni osećala je nekakav naboj, do sada u njenom
dvatesetčetvorogodišnjem životu neuočen. On, svršeni student vajarstva, sin pukovnika i
kasirke, imao je „nesebične potrebe“ i bezgranično razumevanje, dok ona, rekoh li već,
nije marila. Ginter Gras na polici ju je privukao zbog neobičnosti korica i povezala je to
sa vešću koju je o mladosti nobelovca – pokajnika nedavno, posve slučajno, čula. On ju
je posmatrao i nije znao šta će sa suzama. Njen pogled je gubio na oštrini, a njegove
„netremice usmerene oči“ iskriše s vremena na vreme i lučiše suze koje su upadljivom
brzinom napuštale oko(češće levo, nego desno). Prišla mu je onako, kako starija
ljubavnica prilazi tinejdžeru od koga treba da se rastane i uzela ga je u naručje,
primaknuvši najpre stolicu njegovom poluuspravnom telu. Glavu mu je stavila na svoju
butinu, stegla svojim prstenovanim, ali baš svim, prstima, i nežnošću kakva je
nezabeležena na celuloidnoj traci izustila: „Šta ću ja s tobom, ludače?“