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Title : Garden of Riches: A Practical Guide to Financial Success

Author: Arush, Shalom,Arush, Rabbi Shalom

ASIN : B09C126912

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COPYRIGHT 2010 by Chut Shel Chessed Institutions

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form
without written permission of the author.

No part of this publication may be translated, reproduced, stored in any

retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior
permission of the author, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief
passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in magazines or
newspapers.

In all matters relating to this book, please contact:

Chut Shel Chessed Institutions

Shmuel HaNavi St. 13

POB 50226, Jerusalem, Israel

Telephone 972-52-2240696 or 972-2-581-2210

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Rabbinical Approbations

Rabbi Ovadia Yossef

Rishon Letzion and President of

The Council of Torah Sages

The following are excerpts from the approbations that this generation’s
leading rabbinical figures wrote for B’Gan Ha’Osher , the original Hebrew
version of The Garden of Riches :The Garden of Riches is the work of an
artist, the Prince of Torah, the brilliant and pious Rabbi Shalom Arush, may
he merit long and happy days, who has assembled in his purity a golden
treasure of emuna and ethics.

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Table of Contents

Rabbinical Approbations
Author’s Foreword

Translator’s Foreword
Chapter One: The Debt Disease
No Excuses! • The “Four-Lands Council” Ordinance • It’s Up to You • Basic
Decency • Limitlessly Ethical • Finding Favor in the Eyes of Hashem and
Man • The Damages of Debt • The Debtor is Called ‘Evil’ • Debt Causes
Loss of Human Intellect • Beware of Borrowing • Borrowing and Bickering •
Impact on Children • Loss of Divine Abundance • Blockage to Repentance •
The Prohibition of Interest • There’s a Solution! • So, What’s the First Step?
Chapter Two: Vessel for Divine Blessing
First Obligation • Be Responsible • His Responsibility • The Radiance of a
Woman’s Soul • Don’t Be Petty • Forget about Money • Get a Job! • Whose
Responsibility? • Don’t be Stingy • It’s Mine! • A Good Husband • The
Scrooge • The Money Will Leave the Man… • …Or the Man Will Leave the
Money • Complete Sustenance • Give Joy to the Almighty • Recognized
Expenses • Closing the Gates
Chapter Three: Happy with Your Portion
The Plastic Family • The Hypnotic Illusion • Hashem Decides Your Standard
of Living • Keeping Up with the Goldberg’s • Happy with His Lot • In
Charge of the Fund • Good Advice • Hashem is Close to All Who Call upon
Him • Nachman the Travelling Salesman • My Wife the Creditor • Jerusalem
of Gold
Chapter Four: Income with Dignity
What is Predetermined for You – You Will Receive • Juggling Money •
Haste and Carelessness • Don’t Be a Guarantor • Light Gambling • Heavy
Gambling • Always a Loser • A Gambler’s Cruelty • Enjoying Other People’s
Suffering • A Difficult Test • Happy or Rich

Chapter Five: Tithe - The Key to Wealth

The Loyal Partner • You Lack Money – Give to Charity! • “And Strangers
Shall Rise and Tend Your Sheep…” • The Upright Needy • Is a Person in
Debt Obligated to Give Charity? • Lack of Wealth and Lack of Compassion •
The Faithful Trustee • Aphorisms •
Chapter Six: Self Assessment
Mockery and Cynicism • Sorrow and Sadness – Destroyers of Wealth •
Willful Sin • Failing to Judge Others Favorably • Because of Four Things… •
Withholding Wages • Outright Neglect to Pay Wages • Shirking
Responsibilities • Haughtiness • Interpersonal Relations • Slander • Idol
Worship • Illicit Relations • Murder • Deceit • Diluting Goods • Sorcery •
Jealousy • The Danger of Immorality • Personal Holiness • Marital Fidelity •
Lust for Money • Alcohol and Drugs • Theft and Thievery • You Shall Not
Covet • Anger • Lust for Eating • Wholesome Speech • Other Factors that
Can Bring a Person to Poverty
Chapter Seven: The Love Letter
In Debt • Personal Tribulation • Double Gain • He Knows what is Concealed
• Taking Responsibility • Growing Closer to Hashem • It Could be So
Different! • Using Trouble as a Catalyst for Growth • There is No One to
Blame • He is Righteous • Atonement for One’s Sins • Personal Prayer • The
Power of Words • Smile! • Suffering – A Divine Love Letter • Hashem Feels
our Pain • “He who Shares his Sorrow with Heaven – His Livelihood is
Doubled” • Confession • The Easy Route • The Path of Prayer • Coming
Closer to a True Solution • Wake Up! • A Great Opportunity
Chapter Eight: Emuna and Trust
Prayer • Is Sustenance Difficult? • Livelihood • By the Sweat of your Brow •
Do Not Steal • Trust in Hashem • Worry and Emuna - Mutually Exclusive •
He who Trusts in Hashem is Surrounded with Loving-Kindness • Focus on
Trust • How to Merit Trust • Advice for Livelihood
Chapter Nine: Manna in the Desert
Livelihood Depends on Spiritual Awareness • Try and See • The Workings of
Truth • Every Day and Its Blessings • A Monthly Salary • Meir’s Story • For
Posterity • Ways to Improve Income

Appendix A: Parshat HaMan

Appendix B: Two Selected Prayers

A Prayer to Rectify Sins Committed between Man and Fellow Man • A

Prayer to Rectify the Sin of Coveting and Theft

Glossary

Author’s Foreword

A person’s trust in the Creator in all matters pertaining to income and

livelihood is the truest test of faith.

Making a living is a daily challenge and the starkest reality of life in this
material world. You cannot fake it – there is either bread on the table, or not.
A person can’t roll his eyes and gaze skyward quoting lofty spiritual niceties
and then be nervous about where his next meal is coming from. If he’s a true
believer, he’ll live a calm and joy-filled existence, happy with his lot in life.
Most importantly, he’ll tailor his lifestyle according to whatever the Creator
gives him, living a sweet debt-free life.

This book explains the spiritual anatomy of an affliction that many suffer
from – debt. We’ll discuss both the material and spiritual roots of debt, how
to avoid debt, and most importantly, how to be saved from drowning in a sea
of debts.

This book is a compendium of my own personal experience in overcoming

debts as well as thirty years of time-tested advice for the many thousands of
people who have sought my assistance in solving their own financial
problems. Many of them have gained significant benefit from the tips that
appear in the pages that follow.

I named this book: The Garden of Riches – A Practical Guide to Financial

Success . Our sages teach that true financial success is a debt-free existence
when someone is happy with his lot in life. Such an individual is truly rich.
He lives a life of emuna – a pure, simple, and firm belief in the Creator,
accepting with love the Creator’s precision Divine Providence in all matters
pertaining to income and livelihood.

I have no words to express my gratitude to the Almighty for giving me the

privilege of spreading the light of emuna in the world and helping people live
happier, more gratifying lives.

My sincere gratitude goes to my spiritual guide and rabbi, Rabbi Eliezer

Berland shlit’a, from whose sweet waters I drink. May he continue in his
wonderful path to raise future generations of students and student’s students
while enjoying good health and length of days.

An unlimited debt of thanks goes to my wife, a blessed woman of valor,

Miriam Varda - may Hashem bless her with a long, happy and healthy life –
my partner in life and my very best friend. Her power and merit are the
source of all of my success. She deserves all the credit for my
accomplishments.

Many thanks to my staff and students who assisted in the preparation of this
book: Recorders, editors, typists, the internet staff, printers, and distributors.
Special thanks go to my dear pupils Rabbi Yaakov Hertzberg and his wife
Esther, may Hashem bless them, who merited from Above to help me
compose my books.

My blessings and appreciation go to my faithful pupil, Rabbi Eliezer Raphael

(Lazer ) Brody, for the translation of this book and for his tireless dedication
in spreading my teachings around the globe.

May it be the will of our Father in Heaven that together we will all walk in
the path of truth and peace, and may the Almighty’s glorious monarchy be
revealed speedily and in our days, amen!
Rabbi Shalom Arush

Jerusalem, Elul, 5770

Translator’s Foreword

The Garden of Emuna – the first exquisite flower of Rabbi Shalom Arush’s
literary garden – is now a multi-language international best-seller that graces
the bookshelves of millions of households around the world. The Garden of
Emuna has been virtually the first book ever to show how to develop a
personal relationship with the Creator, and demonstrate how emuna affects
every phase of our daily lives. Rabbi Arush has succeeded in bringing the
Hebrew word emuna to the forefront of global consciousness.

The other flowers of Rabbi Arush’s garden, such as The Garden of Peace ,
which is a comprehensive men’s manual to marital success, have also
become international best-sellers. We are now happy to introduce The
Garden of Riches – A Practical Guide to Financial Success . Here, the reader
will find amazingly straightforward, simple, and fool-proof advice for a
successful income and a debt-free life based also on the principles of emuna.
As such, you’ll read things in this book that you’ll never hear from your
banker, stock broker, or financial advisor.

Personally, during my thirteen years as Rabbi Arush’s English mouthpiece,

pupil, and understudy, I’ve never seen a financial advisor with Rabbi Arush’s
record of success in helping those who seek his advice. The same can easily
be said in other areas of the Rabbi’s teachings, such as marital guidance and
child education.

Rabbi Arush’s teachings are girded firmly in the foundations of Talmudic and
Jewish esoteric thought; notwithstanding, they’re crystal clear and reader
friendly. Any person who implements Rabbi Arush’s advice is bound to see a
major subsequent improvement in his or her personal finances, income, and
overall well-being.

With Hashem’s loving guidance, I have tried my utmost to preserve the

flavor, intent, and beautiful simplicity of Rabbi Arush’s original style. Even
so, any deficiency in this book is surely that of the translator and not of the
author. My sincere thanks and blessings go to (alphabetically ) Rachel
Tzipporah Avrahami, Shelli Karzan, Gita Levy, Rivka Levy, Miriam Maor,
Layah Ornish, Racheli Reckles, and Chanan Tzionov for their unbelievably
dedicated assistance in making The Garden of Riches a reality.

I wish to express my deepest gratitude to Rabbi Shalom Arush himself, who

so selflessly has illuminated my mind and soul with his noble teachings. May
Hashem bless him, his family, and his pupils with the very best of spiritual
and material abundance always.

My cherished wife Yehudit deserves the credit for this book and for
everything else I do. May Hashem bless her with long and happy days,
success, and true joy from all her offspring, amen.

With a song of thanks to the Almighty and a prayer that all of mankind may
soon call His name,

Rabbi Lazer Brody, Ashdod, Elul 5770

Chapter One:
The Debt Disease

Today’s generation suffers from a problem that has reached epidemic

proportions – debt .

So many people owe money. Many of them shrug their shoulders and claim,
“It’s beyond my control. It’s a part of life.” They act as if debt is an evil
decree that can’t be rescinded. More and more people are in debt today. Few
are the prudent individuals who actually manage to stay out of debt and to
live within their means.

Some families are destitute, and they simply don’t have enough to eat.
Someone can understand how the poor seek to borrow money when they fail
to make ends meet.

Debt would also be an understandable consequence in the case of the idle and
the lazy who fail to assume responsibility for themselves. It’s easy to
understand how someone who engages in constant whimsical and
irresponsible borrowing, and has a “Who needs to sweat? I can borrow”
mentality, is quickly buried under a mountain of debts.

Amazingly enough, many of those who suffer from debt today are neither
poor nor idle. Rather, they are serious, responsible, and frequently on the
upper end of the economic scale. We often see that people with tremendous
paychecks owe exorbitant sums of money.

Debt resembles a virus in that it attacks everyone that’s not properly

inoculated – the rich and the poor, the diligent and the lazy, the old and the
young. From a spiritual standpoint – as we’ll elaborate further– debt is the
spiritual result of transgression. Someone that lives in the shadow of debt
suffers on all levels, losing peace of mind, marital bliss, physical and
emotional health. Life becomes a purgatory of stress and anxiety. In effect,
debt is a disease.
Seeing families fall into the deep pit of debt is a tragedy. Their time and
energy are squandered on trying to cover their bills. They run from bank to
bank, from one loan fund to another, and from person to person trying to find
new loans to pay off old debts in attempt to juggle their finances. They never
seem to have enough. Like the proverbial short blanket that leaves either their
heads uncovered or their feet uncovered, so too are their finances, which fail
to cover all their debts. These unfortunate souls, among them owners of large
corporations and businesses, barely keep their heads above water. Even
though they work relentlessly from dawn to dusk, they are unable to escape
the quicksand of financial ruin into which they are sinking deeper and deeper.
Is there no hope?

With Hashem’s loving help, The Garden of Riches will teach you both how
to avoid debt and how to free yourself from debt if you’re in a situation
where you owe money.

First, let’s define our concept of debt: A person in debt is a person who has
taken out a loan that he is incapable of repaying.

However, if a person has taken out a loan that he is capable of repaying, he is

not considered as “being in debt.” For example, if a person needs to take out
a mortgage or to borrow money to purchase a new home, and he can afford
the monthly payments just like he can afford to pay rent each month, he is not
considered as “being in debt.” Also, if he borrows money but has sufficient
collateral to cover the debt, he is not considered as “being in debt.”

According to Jewish tradition, a person should never go into debt (which

once again means taking out a loan that he can’t repay ) for anything , even
for a mitzvah .

No Excuses!

Financial problems and debt have been around since the beginning of time.
However, the phenomenon of people “conveniently forgetting” to repay their
debts is a nuance of modern times.

Many people who owe money make little effort to return their debts. They
are living a lie, acting as if they don’t owe anything to anyone. Some even
have the nerve to think that the borrowed money is theirs and that they can do
with it as they wish, while regarding the person who lent them the money as
an inconsiderate villain who constantly hounds them! They actually bear
gross ingratitude towards the person who so graciously lent them the money,
with complaints like, “Why doesn’t he leave me alone already?” or “Why
can’t he understand my situation?”

We live in a topsy-turvy world. With today’s twisted moral standards, those

who were kind enough to loan the money are the ones who feel
uncomfortable. They have to search for all kinds of ways and ploys to
recover their own money from those who borrowed it. As opposed to
yesteryear, today’s lender is the slave while the borrower is the master. In any
normal society – that with even minimal moral standards – the borrower is
indebted and subservient to the lender until such time as the loan is repaid in
full. If the lender is an underdog, morality and decency are as well.

The “Four-Lands Council” Ordinance

To understand the severity of failing to repay a loan, let’s take a look at a

rabbinical ordinance issued by Europe’s leading rabbis of the “Four Lands
Council” over 400 years ago, which included the holy Rabbi Shmuel Eliezer
HaLevi Ideles, the renowned MaHarsha .

The ordinance, in brief, includes three main points:

1. If the Rabbinical Court Judges find out that a person who is delinquent in
repaying a debt is not working around the clock to repay that debt, yet comes
up with all sorts of excuses as to why he does not have the wherewithal to
pay his debt, then, as a first step, he is banned from the synagogue! He is not
allowed to step foot in the community’s synagogue until he repays his debt.

2. If, after being banned from the synagogue, the debtor still fails to repay his
debt, then his wife is banned from the women’s section of the synagogue. She
is not allowed to enter the women’s section (or any other section of the
synagogue for that matter ) until her husband repays his debt.

3. If the above measures do not convince the debtor to pay his debts, his
children are expelled from school!
Since today, because of eroding moral standards, we don’t fully understand
the gravity of not repaying a loan, many of us might view the above three
edicts as being cruel and vengeful. However, the wise Rabbis of previous
generations knew exactly what they were doing. They had a thorough
understanding of the scope of man’s Evil Inclination and of how it tries to
shirk responsibility and legitimize delinquent behavior such as failing to
repay debts. Our wise Rabbis enacted the above ordinance as a deterrent
measure to force people to do what’s necessary in order to repay debts before
being publicly humiliated and expelled from the synagogue. A delinquent’s
wife was included in the ordinance so that she would pressure her husband to
repay the loans before she and her children were also publicly humiliated.

Despite today’s mixed-up notion where a lender seems to be disadvantaged,

Jewish law holds a borrower subservient to the lender. This concept is
anchored in the Code of Jewish Law (Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat, 107
) and in the Gemara, which is full of similar Rabbinical ordinances.

In all these ordinances we see the same basic concept: The borrower is fully
responsible to return the money, and must take every required step to fulfill
the conditions of the loan. Refusing to repay a loan is so severe that our
Rabbis decreed that a delinquent borrower should be lashed in the Rabbinical
court until he agrees to return the money he borrowed.

Halachah – Jewish law - concludes that the borrower is indebted to the

lender, as the Sages said explicitly, “A borrower is enslaved to the lender.”
The borrower who does not have the means to repay his debt is similar to a
slave, because he must work around the clock to do whatever is necessary to
return the money he owes.

Unfortunately, in our upside down world, the lender becomes like a slave,
running day and night after the borrower trying to salvage what is rightfully
his.

It’s Up to You

A person might argue, “What do you want from me? I don’t have the money.
I am unable to get out of debt.”
First of all, in Judaism there is a basic concept that we must understand: A
person is led in the path that he wishes to follow. If we accept this in our
hearts as true, we will understand that if we honestly try to repay our debts,
we will receive Divine assistance.

Therefore, the first step in getting out of debt is to fully accept that we are
responsible to repay our debts. We must make an ironclad commitment to do
everything in our power - including spiritual actions such as prayer and
repentance, in addition to taking the necessary physical steps - to repay our
debts in full. When God sees that we are fully committed to doing the right
thing and are taking action to do the correct thing, He will assist us in
accomplishing the correct things and help us to repay our debts in full.

When it’s crystal clear to a person with basic decency that defaulting on a
debt is morally wrong – just as harming another person and causing pain is –
then he or she will do whatever’s necessary to repay a loan on time. An
upright person spares no effort in this matter: Spiritually, this includes
extensive prayer begging Hashem to help him avoid causing pain or damage
to a fellow human, and teshuva for the sins that led to falling into debt in the
first place. On a practical level, someone who owes money should accept any
job, no matter how menial. He should also lower his expenses, live on a
modest budget, and spend money only when absolutely necessary. In short,
he should even sell the shirt off of his back to repay his debts!

Basic Decency

The Rebbe of Monsey wouldn’t allow one of his Chassidim to travel abroad
for a brother’s wedding since the Chassid was heavily in debt. The Rebbe
explained that instead of traveling to the wedding, he should use that same
money toward repaying his debts.

When a person owes money, he must realize that any money that he thinks he
has is not really his! Whenever he spends money, he is using someone else’s
money!

Limitlessly Ethical

A basically honest person is limitlessly ethical when it comes to repaying

debts. He assumes full responsibility for his actions and does whatever is
necessary to return the money he owes. When Hashem sees that a person is
truly honest and desires to repay all debts, He will come to that person’s
assistance and help him repay those debts.

Some people allow themselves to think, “I don’t have any choice. I’m stuck!
What can I do?” As a result, they become lethargic, resigning themselves to
the fact that they won’t be able to repay their debts. Such complacency - a
willingness to accept a situation where debts might not be repaid on time –
indicates a lack of basic integrity and causes a heinous blemish in their
Divine image. With such a defeatist attitude, they will never succeed in
getting out of debt. Rather, their debts will mushroom. Hashem won’t help
them, since they lack basic integrity for not committing to return the money
they owe. When a person surrenders to a defeatist attitude and is willing to
accept a scenario whereby he might not repay what he owes, then Hashem
will leave that person. When that happens – Heaven forbid – a person gets
into really big trouble.

A person must repent for his loss of integrity, take full responsibility for his
actions, do everything in his power to repay his debt, resolve to not harm a
single soul by defaulting on a debt, pray to Hashem from the depth of his
heart, do real teshuva, and do everything conceivable to repay a debt – even
borrowing from one person to repay another person. Then, Hashem will
surely help him repay every last cent that he owes.

This is a message for all of us to stay on the upright path and avoid falling
into debt. The moment a person owes even the slightest sum, he should
immediately put a stop to the downward spiral, refrain from borrowing
additional money, and return what he owes as fast as possible. After that, he
must resolve to do whatever’s possible to repay his debts on time.

If a person has already sunk into heavy debt, he must have the conviction and
moral strength to take the above mentioned steps and do whatever is required
– both materially and spiritually - to repay his debts and rectify the misdeeds
that led to his owing money in the first place.

Finding Favor in the Eyes of Hashem and Man

We can conclude that whenever a person is honest and responsible, he’ll
always emerge unscathed from a trying situation because Hashem will come
to his aid. He’ll suddenly find source of income and assistance, and people
will readily take a liking to him and do things for him. Honest and
responsible people have good reputations and thereby easily obtain loans
with good conditions or find better paying positions. People are glad to help
an honest and hard working person who tries to help himself. Oftentimes,
they even forego money he owes them.

On the other hand, a dishonest person loses credit both with Hashem and with
men. Since he lacks integrity, no one trusts him. Therefore, nobody will be
willing to loan him additional money or help him in any way.

A person’s honesty and ethical standards are the factors that determine his or
her success in life! Therefore, the first step in overcoming debt is to
strengthen honesty and ethical standards.

In order to get out of debt, a person must escape the mode of lethargy,
hopelessness, and depression. By deciding to take whatever action that’s
needed and to courageously do whatever he can – even if the situation seems
hopeless – he stands to benefit from the advice in this book.

The Damages of Debt

Debt, besides being a terrible nuisance and an insufferable burden, causes a

person tremendous spiritual and physical harm, even outright ruination. In the
sections below, I will describe the various the negative effects of being in
debt in order to encourage each reader to steer as clear from debt as he would
from a minefield. Anyone already in debt will understand how being in debt
prevents a person from enjoying both this world as well as the Next World,
and will subsequently study the material in this book with vigor and
implement its advice. As such, he will succeed in freeing himself from his
difficult predicament, see miraculous salvations, and live a normal, honest
life.

The Debtor is Called ‘Evil’

King David says, “An evil person borrows and does not pay” (Psalms, 37 ).
Apparently, this doesn’t make sense. We would have expected King David to
say, “If a man borrows and does not pay, he’s evil,” since after a person does
repay the money he owes, he is considered evil. But this verse calls a person
“evil” from the moment he goes into debt. Why?

A person who borrows money and has the ways and means to repay the loan
is definitely not considered evil. Hashem continues to see to all his needs
with personal Divine Providence. But, when a person takes out a loan without
knowing how he’ll repay it, he is considered evil from the moment that he
takes out the loan.

Obviously, when a person is considered evil, it is the cause of all his troubles,
for when he is judged from Above, he is judged as an “evil” individual.

Rabbi Yehuda says (Ethics of the Fathers, 2 ), “Compare the gain of a

transgression against what you stand to lose.” Therefore, prior to borrowing
money - even if the money is needed for something extremely important – a
person should ask himself, “Is this really worth being considered evil by
Hashem?”

It’s better to do without anything that to be considered evil in Hashem’s eyes.

If at any rate someone needs something of absolute necessity, he or she
should be patient and do whatever’s required – both materially and spiritually
– until he or she can obtain what they need without sinking into debt. It’s
better to be needy than to be considered evil even for one hour, as Rabbi
Akavia ben Mehallelel said: “It’s better that I be called an idiot my entire life
than to be considered evil by Hashem even for an hour” (Gemara, Eduyot,
page 5 ).

Debt Causes Loss of Human Intellect

The Midrash relates (Midrash Rabbah, Parshat Vayera ) that when Abraham
was on his way to sacrifice his son Isaac, both Abraham and Isaac saw the
Divine Presence (the Shechinah ) on Mount Moriah. Abraham asked his slave
Eliezer and his son from a concubine, Ishmael, “Do you see what I see?”
They did not. Abraham responded, “Since a donkey does not see, and you
also do not see, remain here with the donkey.” From this passage we learn
that a slave resembles an animal, as it states, “Remain here with the donkey”
(Genesis, 22 ). In Hebrew, the word “with” (spelled ayin , mem ) can also be
read as “nation” (also spelled ayin , mem ). This passage thereby alludes to a
nation that is similar to a donkey, a beast of burden.

The above Midrash is the source for what Rebbe Nachman of Breslev writes
in Sefer Hamidot (Money, II:19 ), “One who must borrow from others is
compared to a beast of burden, since a person who owes money is called a
slave, as is written, ‘The borrower is a slave to the lender’” (Proverbs, 22:7 ).
Since slaves are similar to beasts of burden - as we see from the above
Midrash – we derive that the borrower is also similar to a beast of burden!

Beware of Borrowing

When a person first enters the business world, he often dreams of grandeur
and borrows money to achieve those dreams. He assumes that he has the
golden touch, that all his dealings will succeed tremendously, that money will
grow on his tree and that Hashem will grant him the ability to easily repay his
debts. This is false trust in Hashem. True trust in Hashem means an intense
belief that it’s possible to go into business without going into debt, and if
Hashem wills it, even a small business will become the vessel for Hashem’s
blessings. Hashem has the ability to make even a small, modest business
succeed.

People take enormous loans to open a business, assuming that since they are
positive that Hashem will make the business successful they will easily be
able to repay their debts. Such trust in Hashem is really a misguided form of
betrayal, and ridiculous at that. Why? The person who makes such a
statement is behaving as if he is in charge of Hashem; as if he can tell
Hashem what to do; as if he can tell Hashem which business should grant
him a livelihood. He is behaving as if he is in charge of Hashem’s blessings,
and since he is the one in charge, he is able to borrow money with the full
understanding that Hashem will grant him the means to repay the loan.

Who does such a person think he is? Does he really think that there is money
lacking in Hashem’s heavenly coffers and therefore, he is doing Hashem a
favor by borrowing money until that money is replenished? A person who
truly trusts in Hashem, as he claims he does, will believe that Hashem’s
heavenly coffers are bursting with hard cash and that Hashem has the ability
to grant him that money if He so desires. If Hashem does not grant him that
money, then that too is Hashem’s Will. A person who truly trusts in Hashem
does not borrow money under the assumption that in the future Hashem will
grant him a larger income than what he presently has.

This false trust in Hashem is completely illogical. How can a person borrow
money under the assumption that in the future Hashem will grant him a fatter
paycheck – and even if Hashem does grant him that fatter paycheck, how
does he know that he will be able to use it to cover his debts?

Does anyone know what the future has in store for him? Every Rosh
Hashanah, Hashem decrees each person’s livelihood for the entire year; how
can a person claim to know what Hashem decreed for him last Rosh
Hashanah or what Hashem will decree for him on the coming Rosh
Hashanah? Perhaps all his dreams will be shattered, and he will end up
wallowing in debt without earning a cent from all his grandiose plans? These
people are living in a dream world. Sure, their wallets are always stuffed with
hundred dollar bills as they borrow from Yankel to pay Yitzchak, but not a
cent of it belongs to them. In reality, they have nothing, except shattered
fantasies.

Borrowing money to “wheel and deal” has its source in the Dark Side, the
unholy side of spirituality. That type of behavior is the complete opposite of a
Torah lifestyle and of demonstrating trust in the Almighty. It’s a sham, and
more often than not, a business based on such an approach quickly
disintegrates, and the so called businessman ends up running around in
circles trying to keep his head above water and not fall into complete
financial ruin.

What is the source of such a mistake? Sometimes, when a person’s business

is a success, he thinks that his business acumen is the source of his
comfortable life. He becomes overconfident in his ability to succeed, and
forgets that his success is really from Hashem, and that it is Hashem who is
using his successful business as a means to make his life pleasant and
comfortable. Because Hashem wants him to have a pleasant and comfortable
life, he is able to make such a good profit from such a modest business.

The moment a person removes Hashem from the equation and thinks that his
financial success is a result of his excellent business skills, he arrives at the
false conclusion that he can increase his wealth through borrowing huge sums
of money to expand his business. But Hashem is the One who increases a
person’s income, and all the business deals in the world will never change
what has been decreed on a person from Above. All too often, after
concluding all the business deals, a person comes to the realization that he
did not earn a cent. In many instances, the additional loans become the reason
for his financial downfall.

A person who truly believes in Hashem and trusts in Hashem will make sure
that his business dealings stay within his financial limitations.

Borrowing and Bickering

Sefer Hamidot says, “Strife does not exist in a home unless there is
insufficient income.” Being in debt automatically causes tension and discord
in the home. Even a person who by nature is generous with his money will
find himself constantly arguing over money and scrutinizing every household
expense when under pressure to repay his debts. A woman under this type of
pressure is incapable of fulfilling her spiritual potential. Rather, she feels
empty and depressed.

All women have a deep emotional need for financial security. They need to
feel that there is sufficient income to cover the family’s basic expenses.
Therefore, a husband under financial pressure negatively impacts his wife.
Her emotional equilibrium is shaken to the core and she becomes
overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and an inability to cope. If the debts
grow to such an extent that the family’s entire income is used to cover them
and there is nothing left to pay the mortgage or the rent, and to purchase basic
necessities such as food and clothes, the couple’s domestic harmony rests on
very shaky ground.

A lack of domestic harmony has a negative influence on a person’s ability to

earn a living. As such, a situation like this creates a negative downward
spiral. There is no domestic harmony – so there is no blessing in a person’s
livelihood; and when there is no blessing in a person’s livelihood, the debts
increase; and when the debts increase, domestic harmony becomes even
shakier… And so, the spiral plunges downward, and the situation quickly
deteriorates.

There is a vast difference – like the difference between the heavens and the
earth – between living in poverty without debts, and living comfortably with
debts. Although at times it might be very difficult, a person who is careful
with his money and manages with the bare minimum without owing a penny
to others is blessed with emotional serenity. “Thank God,” he smiles to
himself. “I do not owe anyone anything! As King Solomon said, ‘Better is a
dry morsel and serenity therewith, than a house full of feasting with strife’”
(Proverbs, 1:1 ).

A person who lives within his means does not tremble at the sound of
someone knocking at his door or of the telephone ringing. He is able to walk
freely down the street, without having to worry that he’ll run into one of the
many people to whom he owes money. He is not causing anyone harm, and
therefore people don’t hold a grudge against him. Basically, he and his family
are able to live a normal, happy life, even if they are far from well-off.

On the other hand, a person who is heavily in debt enjoys a higher standard
of living than what he can afford, but his supposed prosperity is at other
people’s expense. Although it appears as if that person is “living the good
life,” in reality his life is full of suffering.

It’s the husband’s responsibility to provide for his family. Therefore, a

husband should make time to pray. He should ask Hashem to provide for him
and his family. He should also take every feasible step on a practical level to
make sure that the family has sufficient income.

Impact on Children

When children grow up under the ominous shadow of debt, constantly

hearing their parents argue about money, money, money, discussing money,
money, money and worrying about money, money, money, they grow up
with the false belief that life revolves around one thing: money, money,
money. As adults, they end up with an insatiable, overwhelming hunger for
money.

In addition to growing up with an insatiable hunger for money, children who

grow up seeing their parents constantly in distress from the pressure of being
in debt have irrational fears and phobias. Children are incapable of
understanding the difficulties that their parents’ face and view their parents as
an all-powerful source of all their needs. When a child grows up with the fear
that his parents are unable to adequately provide for his needs, he loses
confidence in the world in general. He becomes depressed, overwhelmed
with groundless worries, and jealous of what he considers to be his better-off
friends.

Just imagine the impact of having to watch such things as government

officials confiscating furniture and appliances in lieu of payment on the
debts; parents constantly yelling and screaming at each other; parents hiding
when a stranger knocks on the door; parents avoiding people on the street;
parents begging the bank manager to wait just a few more days before
foreclosing the mortgage, etc., etc. The trauma of seeing such things leaves a
deep, negative impact on children’s emotional health. In most cases, this
negative impact lasts for years and is the cause of much suffering for their
entire life.

As mentioned above, there is a tremendous difference between living under

the shadow of debt and living in poverty, but with emotional serenity and
without the anxiety of being in debt. Without debt, there is less tension in the
home, which in turn leads to fewer arguments. With less tension and less
arguments, parents are able to maintain a loving, stable relationship. Children
who grow up in a loving, stable home feel, for the most part, wanted and
loved. Such children are usually happy and emotionally stable, and grow up
to be happy and emotionally stable adults.

When parents are satisfied with what they have, even if it is very little, and do
not have an excessive desire for material goods, especially material goods
that are beyond their financial ability to attain, their children are not spoiled
and become exceptionally mature adults.

Feelings of resentment and grudges that are held against a person are the
main cause of that person’s trials and tribulations. When a person owes
money and does not repay his loans on time, he causes other people much
suffering. As a result, people resent him and hold a grudge against him.
These grudges and resentments are the cause of that person’s continual
failure. It’s as if all the doors are closed to him, and as a result he is unable to
free himself from the bonds of debt.

Why do resentments and grudges held against a person have such a negative
effect? The Heavenly Tribunal is extremely particular when it comes to how
a person acts with his fellowman. Therefore, if a person causes another
person suffering, he is not forgiven from Above until he is forgiven by the
person whom he has harmed.

Loss of Divine Abundance

Rebbe Natan of Breslev writes (Likutei Halachot, Yoreh Deah, Laws of

Interest ) that when a person borrows money, all the Divine Abundance that
was supposed to be his transfers to the person who lent him the money - and
the borrower is left with nothing.

The borrower becomes, to a certain extent, the lender’s slave, as it is written,

“A borrower is enslaved to the lender.” Since everything that a slave
possesses belongs to his master, it is impossible for a slave to have any
independent property or savings. A slave is his master’s property; therefore
his belongings are also his master’s property. A person who owes money is,
to a certain extent, enslaved to the person who lent him that money.
Therefore, all his Heavenly bounty is transferred to his master - the person
who lent him the money.

Blockage to Repentance

To understand the gravity of being in debt, let’s take look at what it says in
Sefer Hamidot about the mitzvah of repentance: “One who desires to repent
should be careful not to fall into debt.”

Being in debt prevents a person from doing teshuva , repenting to God. When
a person is in debt, his teshuva is not accepted until he repays his debts.

The main reason for a person’s suffering in this world is because his
repentance is not accepted Above. When a person goes into debt because he
is unwilling to make do with what God has granted him, he is prevented from
fulfilling his purpose in this world and brings upon himself tremendous
suffering, God forbid, in both this world and the World to Come.

The Prohibition of Interest

It is forbidden for a Jew to lend money with interest to another Jew, and it is
forbidden for a Jew to borrow money with interest from another Jew. When a
Jew grants an interest-free loan to another Jew, it is considered as if he has
fulfilled all the mitzvot (Midrash Rabbah, 31 ).

Tractate Baba Metzia (71 ) states, “Anyone who lends with interest, his
properties devaluate without recovering their value.”

The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah, Siman 150 ) states, “One must be very
careful concerning interest, as it involves several negative commandments,
and anyone who borrows with interest, signs on a loan that includes interest
and/or acts as a witness for a loan that includes interest, transgresses this
negative commandment.”

It doesn’t matter who is lending the money – a close family member, a father,
grandfather, best friend, employer, organization etc. Anyone who either
borrows money from another Jew and repays the loan with interest, or lends
money to another Jew and takes interest on the loan - except for loans made
with a “heter iska ” a legal contract whereby the two parties become business
partners - is transgressing a Torah prohibition.

We should not take lightly the transgression of loaning money with interest to
another Jew or paying back a loan with interest to another Jew. As long as a
person owes money with interest - until he repays that debt in full - he is
transgressing a Torah prohibition. That, of course, brings upon him severe
Heavenly judgment.

There’s a Solution!

Up until now, we’ve discussed the negative effects of being in debt. But
before we can begin repaying our old debts, we must concern ourselves with
the present and the future. To stop the situation from deteriorating, we must
make sure that in the future we will not borrow any more money.
If, for example, a person is ill as a result of eating spoiled food, he must first
stop eating the spoiled food before treating the illness. As long as he
continues gorging himself on spoiled food, no medicine in the world will help
him. Similarly, a person who is in debt must first stop whatever it is that
caused him to go into debt in the first place. Only then will he be able to pull
himself out of debt and repair the damage that was brought about through his
being in debt.

So, What’s the First Step?

Make an accounting of your family’s expenses, and then check to see if your
income covers the expenses. If not, it is imperative to find an additional
source of income, so that your income is slightly larger than your basic
expenses. By living within your income, you will not need to take out
additional loans and will slowly but surely repay your debts. Eventually, God
willing, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Even if you are very heavily in debt and it appears that you will need a
miracle to be able to get out of debt, through living within your means you
will not increase your debts. If you work hard and follow our advice, with
God’s help you will eventually succeed in repaying your debts. You will go
from slavery to freedom!
Chapter Two:
Vessel for Divine Blessing

The first foundation for happiness and success in our lives is peace in the
home.

Our Sages write, “The Holy One, blessed be He, could not find a better
receptacle for containing the blessing [He gives] to Israel other than peace”
(Gemara, Uktzin 3 ). We see from the Sages’ words that that peace in the
home is one of the main conditions for achieving Hashem’s blessing. Only
through domestic harmony can a person attain Hashem’s blessing. A person
who is having marital difficulties sees no blessing whatsoever in all his
endeavors.

A couple once came to me for advice. They were both highly respected,
prestigious members of the community who both held well-paying
professional positions. I am sure that many people would be jealous of their
success.

When the woman began describing her suffering I was shocked! Her
respected husband, whom everyone viewed as a model of virtue, was a beast
in the privacy of his own home. She told me how he constantly degraded and
criticized her. She described how he constantly put her down and found ways
to show his superiority. The situation was so bad that she actually preferred
ending her life to continuing to live like that.

All of their so-called wealth was just a facade. They were drowning in debt
and living on credit from the bank. The bank interest was eating up most of
their pay checks.

With tears in her eyes, the woman begged me, “Please, please, please help
me. I have no one to turn to whom I can tell the truth. My husband is a well
known and respected individual and I certainly don’t want to do anything to
disgrace him or cause him embarrassment. I am sure that people will never
believe the way my husband, that ‘fine, good-hearted and upright individual’,
behaves. Yet I cannot continue living like this. There is no blessing in my
life; it seems as if every day something else is ruined. One day the car breaks
down and needs major repairs, another day the refrigerator burns out and has
to be replaced. Any money that we have left over after covering our debts is
used to pay for these unexpected expenses.”

What was the source of this couple’s misery? Why, with such a large income,
were they living on credit?

The reason is simple. When a husband does not respect his wife, there is no
peace in the home. Peace is the only vessel worthy of containing Hashem’s
abundant blessing! The husband in the above story did not respect his wife,
and therefore, peace was lacking in the home. Without peace in the home,
there is no vessel to contain Divine blessing.

There are couples whose incomes are less a tenth of what this couple was
making, yet they do not lack a thing! They do not encounter unexpected
expenses – their refrigerators work for years, their cars don’t need a major
overhaul. They are not living on credit, and they are satisfied with what they
have. What is their secret?

When a husband respects his wife, peace prevails in the home. As a result of
that peace, the family is a worthy vessel for receiving Hashem’s blessing. A
home where there is peace between husband and wife is a home that is
blessed.

“A man must always be careful to respect his wife, because the wife is the
sole reason for blessing in the home” (Yalkut Shimoni, Lech Lecha ).

This seems to contradict what we learned previously: namely, that peace is

the only vessel for Hashem’s blessing. Is peace the only receptacle for
Hashem’s blessing, or does Hashem’s blessing depend on respecting one’s
wife? What is the source of Divine blessing - peace or respecting his wife?

There is no contradiction between a person respecting his wife and peace.

Our Sages write that peace is the vessel for Hashem’s bounty. What type of
peace are the Sages referring to? To peace in the home – domestic harmony.
How does a person attain peace in the home? The key to domestic harmony is
respecting his wife.

First Obligation

Rebbe Nachman of Breslev writes (Likutei Moharan, II:7 ):

A person who desires to gird himself to become the wage-earner and make a
decent living must be an man of valor, and not the opposite, what we call a
schlimazel (someone who can’t do anything right ). He must have the touch
of leadership, since a person’s livelihood is drawn from the sefirah of
malchut , kingship.

Therefore, a person who desires to receive a livelihood must have a touch of

leadership, so that he is, in some way, connected to kingship. This is the
aspect of “At the time of eating, go over there [the Gemara says that ‘there’ is
referring to kingship]…” (Ruth, 2 ). When a person eats, he must have
leadership that is “an aspect of kingship” because through this his livelihood
is passed down.

When a man takes responsibility for his wife and realizes that it is his duty to
support his family, as written in the marriage contract, “I will work, honor
and support,” he is given a certain level of leadership, as it states, “And he
shall rule over you” (Bereishit, 3 ). Through this leadership he is able to bring
down a livelihood.

Rebbe Nachman explains that for a man to be able to receive a livelihood

from Above to support his family, he cannot be lazy or lethargic, nor can he
be depressed or sad, since that is the aspect of mochin d’katnut , small
mindedness. A husband cannot hide from his obligation to support his wife.
A husband is obligated to support his wife. Rather than be lazy, he should
take whatever action is necessary on both a spiritual and physical level to
fulfill that obligation. On a spiritual level, he should turner to the Provider
and beg Him to give him an adequate livelihood. On a physical level, he
should take whatever physical steps necessary to earn an adequate livelihood.

Be Responsible

It’s the husband’s responsibility to support his family. It’s his responsibility,
and it’s his alone. It is not a wife’s duty to support the family; she should not
have to worry about how to put the bread on the table. According to Jewish
law, when a man stands under the chuppa (marriage canopy ), he obligates
himself to support his family. In the Ketubah , the marriage contract that a
husband hands his wife during the marriage ceremony, the husband signs that
he agrees to “work, honor, nourish, provide for, earn a living, provide
clothing…” for his wife. In other words, while standing under the marriage
canopy, a man obligates himself to supporting his wife and family, which
includes providing his wife and family with adequate food, clothing, housing
etc. This is solely the husband’s responsibility. The woman is not responsible
to support the family.

This is what Rebbe Nachman states, that only when a man fastens his belt (in
other words takes responsibility ) for his wife, and obligates himself to
provide for her, is he able to draw down a livelihood from Above. When a
man takes responsibility for his family, he aligns himself with the attribute of
malchut , kingship, and therefore is able to make a living. If the husband
hides from his responsibility and feels that he is not capable of supporting his
family, he is lacking this attribute of malchut , kingship, and therefore is
unable to drawn down a livelihood from Above.

So we see that mere fact that the husband accepts his responsibility to support
the family will, in itself, cause him to succeed in earning a living, for through
taking responsibility he attains from Above an aspect of kingship, and as a
result of this aspect of kingship he is able to attain a livelihood.

His Responsibility

It is absolutely out of the question for a husband to make his wife responsible
for supporting the family. It is his responsibility, not hers. Therefore, he
should be careful not to involve her in his financial problems, and certainly
not let her worry about his financial problems! Rather, he should provide for
his wife and if, for some reason, he is encountering difficulties in supporting
his family, he should be the one to take care of it, not her. It is his problem,
not hers. If a man is in debt, he should be the one to pay back his debts. He
should not get his wife involved in or upset about these problems. It is the
husband’s responsibility to support his wife, and if he is encountering
difficulties it is he, not she, who is not living up to his obligation.
Since a husband’s first responsibility is to support his family, he cannot
claim, “Since I am wallowing in debt, I am unable to support my family. First
let me pay back my debts, and then I will begin supporting my family.” A
man’s first responsibility is to his wife, and that responsibility takes
precedence over his responsibility to his debtors.

The Radiance of a Woman’s Soul

A person’s livelihood is drawn down from Above through the light of a

woman’s soul, as Rebbe Nachman writes (Likutei Moharan, 69 ):

A person’s money mainly comes through a person’s spouse (Zohar Tazriya,

52 ). This means that a man’s money comes through the radiance of his
wife’s soul, in other words, through the shining and expansion of the ‘lights’
of her soul. These ‘lights’ have the aspect of money, for money comes from
the place of the nefesh (as explained elsewhere ), and the nefesh is the
feminine aspect of the soul, as is explained in the writings of the Ari.

In other words, when a woman is content and satisfied, her soul expands, so
to speak. As a result, her husband is able to draw down a plentiful livelihood.
Therefore, there is no greater mistake than constricting a wife’s soul through
arguing with her over expenditures, preventing her from purchasing things,
and giving her the feeling that she cannot use the money as she wishes, to
buy with it what she wants. The moment a woman feels choked and
constricted, the radiance of her soul is also constricted, and as a result a
person’s livelihood is constricted.

It is clear from this that when a man argues with his wife over money, he is
simply cutting off his nose to spite his face. Because he wants to save a few a
pennies, he ends up losing thousands. He constricts the radiance of his wife’s
soul, and as a result he loses his livelihood, since a man’s livelihood comes
from the radiance of his wife’s soul. If a man is encountering difficulties in
paying the bills, limiting his wife - even if it means saving thousands of
dollars - is not the solution. It will only make the problem worse.

The only choice is to be a real man and take whatever steps are necessary to
earn a living. These steps include turning to God, crying out to God and
repenting for his transgressions, in addition to hard work. After all, a man is
obligated to support his wife, to buy her presents and to give her spending
money. If a man supports his wife properly, his wife’s soul, so to speak,
expands, and that expansion brings down a bountiful livelihood from Above.

Don’t Be Petty

If a man gets into an argument with his wife because he thinks she’s wasting
his hard-earned money, even if he thinks that she’s wasting thousands of
dollars, he is behaving like a person wallowing in debt. Why? Because when
a person is in debt, he behaves with Mochin d’katnut , small mindedness.
Even a husband who makes petty calculations about how his wife spends
money is behaving as if that is what will solve his financial problems. He is
being small minded, or petty. He is unable to elevate himself above these
petty calculations to get to the source of his livelihood, which is the Creator
Himself. The Creator commanded him to provide for his wife and to honor
and respect her.

To fulfill his obligation to provide for his wife, honor, and respect her, a
husband is required to elevate his wife, so that she should be living within the
aspect of mochin d’gadlut , expansiveness. He should be happy to provide his
wife with whatever she wants or needs and give her the positive feeling that
she can do with the family’s money as she wishes. He should fully believe
that in the merit of being generous and giving wholeheartedly, God will open
His hands and provide him and his family with a bountiful livelihood. Then,
of course, he will have additional money to give to his wife.

Forget about Money

From the moment a husband gives his wife money, he must let go of what
she does with it. He certainly must never question her about how she spends
the money he gives her, or argue with her about money. He is required to
support her, and she is allowed to do with the money her husband gives her
whatever her heart desires. And if he does not have enough to fulfill her
needs, he should be a man of valor and do whatever needs to be done to
provide for his wife properly. As I mentioned previously, this is solely the
husband’s problem. Once a man marries, he is obligated to support his wife.
Since it’s his obligation, it is within his ability to do so.
Get a Job!

The first words of the marriage contract are, “b’siyata d’Shemaya ,” with
Hashem’s help. Only afterwards does the marriage contract list the
obligations of a husband to his wife. This teaches us that a husband’s
obligations toward his wife are dependent on emuna, the pure and simple
faith in Hashem, because only with emuna will we be able to fulfill them
properly.

The marriage contract goes on to inform the husband that he is required to go

to work to support his family. Our Rabbis derive from this that if a groom
cannot provide his bride with all her needs, he is required to go to work to
provide for her needs. This contradicts the arguments of those people who
claim to be such great believers in Hashem that they have no need to work.
When their wives complain that they don’t have food to feed their families,
these people chastise their wives saying, “What? You don’t have emuna?
Hashem wants us to have financial problems, so accept it with love. Where is
your trust in Hashem? Don’t you believe that everything that happens to us is
for the best?” Such “believers” are actually angry with their wives for their
lack of trust!

However, our Sages decreed that the groom sign, under the marriage canopy,
that he is obligated to work to support his wife! And if he does not have the
wherewithal to support his family, then he should get up from his easy chair
and go to work! It does not state in the marriage contract, “I am obligated to
teach my wife emuna.” It does state, however, that the groom is obligated to
provide for his wife and family. He is obligated to leave the house every
morning to go make a living. Instead of speaking about trust in Hashem and
emuna, a man should trust in Hashem and have emuna while going to work to
provide for his family.

But what about all those stories of poor tzaddikim , who barely had food to
put on the table? Yes, they were poor, but they were not in debt. And since
they were not in debt, they were satisfied with what they had, and transmitted
that positive feeling to their wives. So although they were poor, they never
felt poor.

Whose Responsibility?
The following story demonstrates the proper way to behave when it comes to
making a living:

Someone came to me for marriage counseling. He told me that his wife was
constantly complaining that he wasn’t earning enough money, and that they
had just had a bitter argument over finances. I asked him, “What did you say
to her?” He answered, “I told her that she must strengthen her trust in
Hashem, and that Hashem will provide for us. Not only did she not accept
what I said, she became even more upset.”

I answered, “You probably assume that your wife is lacking in emuna, and
that therefore she refused to accept what you told her. But you are mistaken.
It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to provide for your family. Instead
of talking to you wife about emuna, you should have said to her, ‘My beloved
wife, you are completely right. I will strengthen my emuna and trust in
Hashem. I will turn to Him in heartfelt prayer, asking Him to provide me
with a source of livelihood, in addition to doing everything possible on a
down-to-earth physical level to solve the problem.’”

I continued, “When you told your wife that it was her responsibility to
strengthen her emuna, you also gave her the feeling that it is her
responsibility to support the family. You made her feel that you were
completely in the right, since you lovingly accepted the difficult financial
situation without taking any steps to solve the problem. You made her feel
that she was to blame, but the truth is that you, and only you, are to blame for
your family’s financial problems. The marriage contract obligates the
husband, and only the husband, to support the family. It does not obligate
him to teach his wife about emuna and trust in the Almighty.”

In Bereishit (Genesis ), Hashem cursed Adam: “With the sweat of your brow
you shall eat your bread.” Adam was cursed, but not Chava (Eve ), his wife.
From this verse we learn that the man alone (the name “Adam” also means
“man” ), and not the woman, is responsible for supporting the family.

Our Rabbis say that when a man marries a woman, he is accepting a yoke on
his shoulders. What yoke? It’s the yoke of supporting a family. It does not
say that when a couple marries, they are accepting a yoke on their shoulders.
Why? Simple - it’s not the responsibility of a woman to provide for her
family. Even if the woman is a woman of valor and the sole bread earner, the
moment she encounters any difficulty, the responsibility for the support of
the family falls squarely on the husband’s shoulders.

A young married man once told Rabbi Ben Tzion Abba Shaul of saintly and
blessed memory that since he is learning Torah, he is too poor to purchase a
new dress for his wife. Rabbi Ben Tzion Abba Shaul retorted, “Close your
Gemara and get a job. Buy your wife the clothes she needs. In the marriage
contract you gave your word that you would support your wife properly, and
learning Torah does not give you permission to go back on your word or
allow you to ignore your vow.” This story demonstrates how seriously our
Rabbis view a man’s obligation to support his wife.

A husband must make sure that his family never feels that he is incapable of
supporting them. Under the marriage canopy, he promised his wife that he
will care for her needs, and Hashem will assist him in fulfilling that promise
if he looks for Hashem’s assistance.

The book Shevet Mussar advises a husband never to tell his family about his
financial difficulties because they are unable to assist him. In other words, the
position of being the family’s “support” is the man’s; he is there to listen to
his wife’s problems, and encourage and support her. That is his emotional
makeup. But a woman is not emotionally able to listen to her husband’s
problems and provide support for him.

For that reason it states that a man marries (nosei - carries ) a woman. In
other words, he supports her, while she does not support him. From my
experience, when a man tells his wife about his problems, not only is she
unable to assist him, but she completely breaks down. Then the husband has
an additional problem: Coping with his wife’s emotional suffering.

There are three possibilities as to who is in charge of the family’s spending:

1 - The husband is completely in charge.

2 - The husband and wife are jointly in charge.

3-The wife is completely in charge.

According to possibilities one and two, there is plenty of room for argument.
Because the husband is involved in how the money is spent, he might
criticize his wife and even accuse her of wasting his hard-earned money. If a
woman feels that she is lacking the things she needs, she might have
complaints against her husband. However, when a husband lets his wife be
completely in charge of the family’s expenditures, she feels secure and
confident that her husband trusts her, and cannot complain that her husband is
not providing her with sufficient money. If, Hashem forbid, there really is not
enough money, when the woman is in charge of spending it is easier for her
to empathize with her husband’s difficult financial straits.

Don’t be Stingy

One of the cruelest character traits, and one most harmful to domestic
harmony, is stinginess. A stingy person loves his money to such an extent
that he is oblivious to other peoples’ suffering. As a result, he becomes cruel,
has absolutely no mercy on others, and refrains from distributing charity.
Because he is blinded by his love of money - “Bribery blinds the eyes of the
wise, and perverts the words of the righteous” - he does not even realize that
he is being cruel. For that reason, a stingy person is generally disliked, and
that, of course, will not add blessing to his life or financial situation.

It’s Mine!

Stinginess has its roots in “My power and the might of my hand hath gotten
me this wealth” (Devarim, 8:17 ). A stingy person thinks that he, and not
Hashem, is in charge of his livelihood. This lack faith expresses itself in two
ways:

1) When a person is wealthy, he thinks that he attained that wealth as a result

of his efforts. Therefore, he feels that the wealth belongs to him and to him
alone; he wants to keep that wealth for himself. He doesn’t understand that
Hashem gave him wealth so that he could use it, not only for himself, but also
for the people who depend on him. When Hashem sees that a person does not
share his wealth with others who are less fortunate than he is, Hashem takes
his wealth away from him.

The person who refuses to share his wealth does not realize that as long as
Hashem wants him to be wealthy, no matter how much money he spends, he
will always have more. It goes without saying that he will not lose out from
spending money on a mitzvah , especially on the mitzvah of tzedakah . On
the other hand, if Hashem does not want him to be wealthy, not even the most
carefully planned scheme will help him keep his wealth. If he places his
money in a dozen vaults, and Hashem wants him to lose it, Hashem will take
it away from him.

2) When a person does not have money, he might assume that since he is
poor, he does not have to give tzedakah and encourage his family to give
tzedakah . He does not realize that Hashem is constantly giving to him. As
our Rabbis said, “When a poor person gives tzedakah , there are no signs of
poverty.” But if he thinks that his money belongs to him, and that its only
objective is to provide for his personal needs, then there is no reason for the
Creator to increase the amount of money that He is giving him.

There are different types of misers:

Some misers are stingy with strangers, but not with their families.Some
misers desire honor. They are generous in public, and stingy with their
families.Some misers are stingy with everyone. They are stingy with
strangers and with family, but generous with themselves, to such an extent
that they even pamper themselves.Some misers are stingy with everyone.
They don’t even allow themselves to enjoy their own money. Instead, they
keep it hidden somewhere, and in the end, it is either all lost or left for others
to enjoy.A Good Husband

One of the worst types of misers is a miser who is stingy with his family, and
as a result of his stinginess, he is insensitive to the needs of his wife and
children. He is cruel and does not provide for their needs. Since he views
basic household expenses as luxuries, he is constantly angry with his family
and makes their lives miserable.