Dear Tess,

I loved and enjoyed reading your story Home. I was already hooked to the story when I read the
first few sentences. Three things I liked about it are the theme, setting, and the characters.
Theme. When I first saw the title of the story, it gave me the idea that this must be something
about someone’s longing for a home. However, as I read along, there’s more to the title that I
thought I knew. Aside from the home that Kamali’i, Keali’e, and Kai have in the kingdom of
Tahiti, the theme also shows Kai’s own quest and longing to find “her own home.” Then at the
end of the story, she realizes that she already posses the home she is looking for but couldn’t
recognize it because of her own desires.
Characters. I liked how you were able to give each character’s different personalities that was
helpful in the story. I love how each distinct characters played their part. How Keali’i and
Kamali’i’s personality affects the choices and decisions that Kia makes. And of course, the
greater role that the turtle, Uhanehui, played in the story
Climax. I felt the emotion that Kai felt when she is witnessing in front of her eyes the tragedy
that befell Kamali’i and Keali’i. The events were intense and catchy as each of the characters
experience their demise.
Given the three things I admire on your story, I also see some areas that needs improvement that
I hope would work.
Other characters. I was a little confused and lost on the part when the three siblings were
surfboarding on the ocean. The sudden appearance of some characters (eggo head, mama’s
subordinate) at the scene got me confused on who was talking. I think a short and clear
transition/introduction for the immergence of the character in the scene will be helpful in
identifying who’s talking to who.
Events. The quick switch of events was also a little confusing. A good transition would really
help to allow the reader to transition their thoughts/imaginations to another following event.
Dialogues. A short description of the dialogue would be helpful in knowing who is talking and
conversing in the story.
Above all, I loved your story and the twist that it had at the end—the turtle as Kai’s spirit animal.
Really amazing! Thanks for sharing your story with me. I hope to read more amazing literary
works from you. Looking forward to it!

Jeanet
Dear Alex,
The three short stories that you wrote were amazing! I loved how each of them have a unique
story to tell. I was captivated by the story and wanting to read for more. I admire your use of
words, imagery, and the settings in each of your story.
Words. I had to do some googling to understand the meaning of some of the words you used.
And it’s something that I really love when reading books/stories. I find it useful for me when I
read and there’s a rich use of unfamiliar words. It adds up to my vocabulary which are useful to
someone who isn’t an English speaker. Aside from the story that you want to tell, I was able to
learn and add new things to my knowledge. It’s brilliant using non-English word. I personally
find it amazing.
Setting. I loved your choice of setting for the stories to take place. Reading from the Secrets
Unfolded, the setting in the Royal Library gives a sense of magic and curiosity. Asucar, on the
other hand, gives the feeling of familiarity of home.
Imagery. You did so good at this! Reading through your stories, I was able to picture in my mind
the events by the rich use of imagery. I loved how I was able to use my senses in understanding
the happenings in the story by just reading it. I specifically love your use of imagery in Asucar.
Given these three things that I loved on your short stories, I also have few suggestions that I hope
will work as you write more stories.
Character. I liked how there were specific characters in the story. However, I find it useful to
have a short description of them—their appearance, personalities to give the readers idea about
the characters in the story.
Events. A more definite description of the events in the story will help the readers get more
indulge in the happenings in the story.
Above all, I loved all your story! Thanks for sharing your story with me. I hope to read more
amazing literary works from you. Looking forward to it!

Jeanet