In Need of Sunshine

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/28367415.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Stray Kids (Band)
Relationship: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Character: Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Hwang Hyunjin, Bang Chan, Seo Changbin, Kim
Seungmin, Lee Minho | Lee Know, Yang Jeongin | I.N, Han Jisung |
Han
Additional Tags: Fluff, A little bit of angst, Felix is a shy baby, probably slow burn, but not
really, No idea what I'm doing, Sharing a Room, Alternate Universe,
Bang Chan is a Good Friend, Bang Chan & Lee Felix are Best Friends,
Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Other Additional Tags
to Be Added, Hyunjin is messy, Felix likes to bake, Minho is a coffee
addict, head tilting is sexy, Sleeping in the same bed, Eventual Smut,
Jeongin is an editing genius, small mention of drug/alcohol abuse, small
mention of prostitution, Kinda Wholesome, Drinking & Talking, Fluff and
Smut, The Smut is Here!, this is not a drill!, Masturbation, Oral Sex,
Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Unsafe Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt,
Heartbreak, I Made Myself Cry, Fucked up parents, POV Multiple, Minor
Original Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, Happy
Ending
Stats: Published: 2020-12-27 Completed: 2021-12-27 Chapters: 59/59 Words:
211496

In Need of Sunshine
by Hwanglee (Myraelx)

Summary

After dropping out of school and being thrown out of his parents' house, Felix doesn't know
what to do, except reach out to his old friend Chan. Appearing on Chan's doorstep, out of
nowhere, Felix meets not only his childhood friend, but also his six roommates and
members of his band. It doesn't take long for Chan to decide Felix is going to stay and live
with them all. But is Felix going to be able to adapt in a group that's already so tight? Will
he get along with everyone? And, more than anything, how on earth is he going to hide
how beautiful he thinks his new roommate - Hyunjin - is, when he has to share a room with
him every night?

aka: Felix starts to live with seven other men, including his childhood friend Chan. But on
top of trying to fit in and searching what he wants to do with his life, he's desperately trying
to hide that he has the hots for the guy he shares a room with, Hyunjin.

Notes
Heya there! This is my first official fic here, and also my first Stray Kids AND Hyunlix fic
so... please be nice! Also, English isn't my native language and I had no beta-reader for all
of this, so if there's errors, don't hesitate to point them out but also try to be lenient, please?
♥

I have NO IDEA where this plot is gonna go, I just had an idea and rolled with it so, really
it could go any kind of direction from this point on. So be warned!
 Welcome Home

Now that he was actually here, Felix wasn’t sure it was such a good idea anymore. But he could
hardly back out now, so he raised his hand, softly banging his knuckles against the door he had
been facing for the last few minutes.

Chris had been Felix’s best friend for years, since they were teenagers, both living in Australia. But
contrary to Felix, Chris had decided to follow his dreams and moved from Australia to Korea to do
exactly that. The two men had seen each other only a few times since, when Felix came to Korea
on vacations. But Felix himself was stuck in Australia for the last few years, studying a subject he
had no interest in, only to please his parents. At least it had been the case until a few days ago…
When he decided to drop out of school, his parents hadn’t been supportive at all and threw him out.
On a whim he had jumped in a plane for Korea and was now standing in front of Chris’ last known
address.

Felix had sent presents to Chris for Christmas and his birthday and for the last 2 years this had
been the address he gave him. But he wasn’t actually sure that the other boy was still here or not.
They kept in contact as much as possible but both were busy and hadn’t talked a lot lately. So
waiting for the door to open, Felix was feeling more and more anxious. What if Chris wasn’t here
anymore? What if he didn’t want to see him or couldn’t help him out? Maybe he should’ve thought
about all that before just dropping by.

But the door suddenly opened in front of him before he could worry more about it. It wasn’t Chris
but another man, just a little bit taller than Felix, with brown hair and an eyebrow raised in his
direction.

“You’re not the delivery guy.” he stated rather abruptly.

Felix was taken aback. For some reason he never even thought about what to say if anyone other
than Chris opened the door. But he knew Chris had been living with other members of his band for
quite some time now, so it was possible the brown boy was one of those.

“Sorry…” Felix said, scratching the back of his head while looking down, apologetic and shy. “Is..
Chris still living here?”

The brown boy raised his second eyebrow, looking confused for a second. Felix wondered if it was
because Chris wasn’t there anymore and so the boy didn’t know who he was talking about. But
that’s when the realization hit him. To him, Chris was Chris, but he changed his name when he
moved to Korea and even though Felix wasn’t used to calling him by this name, it was probably
the only one his bandmates knew here.

“I mean Chan. Bang Chan?” he rectified himself, nervously playing with his fingers in front of
him.

The stranger looked him up and down for a second more. And then, instead of directly answering
him, he looked over his shoulder, yelling.

“Chan, someone’s here for you!”

He gestured to Felix to enter and then simply went back inside and disappeared from Felix’s view
as quickly has he had appeared a few seconds earlier. Unsure of what to do, and still extremely
nervous, Felix took a few steps inside, closing the door behind him and then simply stood
motionless in the entrance, not daring to go further.

Farther inside, he could hear voices talking to each other and the sound of a TV in the background.
There was shuffling and steps coming down a flight of stairs, accompanied by a voice Felix knew
all too well.

“Who is it? I swear to god if it’s a…”

Chris - Chan, Felix had to remind himself in his head - appeared from a door to the side and
stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Felix. For a few seconds, that seemed to stretch on forever,
the two boys simply stared at each other in disbelief and shock. Chan had changed tremendously
since the last time Felix had seen him, a few years back. His hair was shorter, with some sort of
grey-ish purple color to them and he was definitely more muscular than Felix remembered. He
didn’t have time to dwell on that fact too long though since Chan finally opened his mouth, his
eyes still as big and surprised as before.

“Lixie!?” he almost yelled, an enormous smile stretching across his features.

“Surprise…” Felix said softly in English with a little giggle, feeling a bit of his nervousness going
away just from seeing Chan’s face.

And before he knew it, Felix was engulfed into Chan’s arms. The two boys were the same height
but Chan was massive compared to Felix. Even when they were younger it was already the case.
And it made Chan’s embrace feel so nostalgic but so comforting to Felix for some reason. He
wrapped his arms around his friend and unconsciously grabbed the back of his shirt with his little
hands, holding on to him tightly.

Unbeknownst to Felix, a few curious heads popped out from the door leading to the living room
while Chan was hugging him. But Felix’s head was buried in Chan’s neck, his eyes closed as he
felt his own smile grow on his lips. It felt good seeing him again. It felt like home. And it had been
a very long time since Felix had truly felt this way.

Soon - too soon in Felix’s opinion - Chan took a step back, letting go of Felix, his smile still
radiating across his face as he looked at the smaller boy up and down.

“I can’t believe it…" Chan laughed, talking in their mother tongue, shaking softly his head. “How
the.. What the.. How come you’re here!?”.

Felix could see in Chan’s eyes that he was analyzing him. Not only taking notes of all the ways
Felix had changed in the last few years but also making sure everything was alright with him. After
all Chan had always had this protective behavior with him and years apart didn’t seem to change
that. And after his inspection of Felix’s face, Chan didn’t seem happy with what he found.

“You look like hell, what happened?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Felix tried not to wince at the comment. Sure he had had a rough time this past few days but he
didn’t think he “looked like hell”. He actually spent quite a great deal of time making sure he
looked his best before going to Chan’s door.

“And you look tired.” Felix simply responded, poking Chan’s chest with his index finger. “You’re
still not sleeping enough, are you?”

The corner of Chan’s lips twitched up and he shook his head once more. Chan wasn’t the only one
feeling protective over Felix, the feeling was mutual. Chan was always saying that Felix was like a
little brother to him, however saying that the feeling had always been mutual for Felix would be a
lie. After all, Chan had been his first crush. He had always idolized him. To Felix, Chan was a god
amongst men. And yes, even though his feelings were now more brotherly towards his old friend,
it didn’t mean that it changed the way the younger man was seeing the older one. Maybe his little
crush never completely died. Or maybe it was just because their relationship and their bond was
just that special.

“Don’t change the subject Lix. Why are you here really?” Chan asked, crossing his arms on his
chest like he always did when he was ready to scold his ‘little brother’.

Felix started to play nervously with his fingers again, picking at the skin of his bottom lip with his
teeth and looking away from Chan.

“Well… You told me to come find you if I ever needed you so…” he shrugged, trying to not make it
feel like it was a big deal. “Here I am.” he added with a little giggle. He knew Chan would ask for
more, but he didn’t want to ruin their reunion with his family drama right off the bat.

“So.. What happened?” he asked, just like Felix thought he would. The look of worry on his face
was breaking Felix’s heart, just a little.

Behind them, at the door leading to the living room, three heads were still looking at them,
whispering between them. They thought they were discreet and at first they were. But as time
passed and they started to argue about who was the intruder and what Chan and the stranger were
talking about in English, they started to get more and more noticeable. Until one of them actually
shoved another who tripped and hit himself against the doorframe, loudly.

Felix looked up behind Chan’s shoulder and finally noticed they weren’t alone. Chan just sighed
like he was totally used to this kind of things.

“Can we.. talk about it later?” Felix asked, way more self-conscious now that other people were
around.

Finally, Chan looked over his shoulder and a simple look from him had the three other guys
running away, back into the living room, where Felix could now hear people laughing. Chan
chuckled and nodded as he turned his head back to Felix.

“Sure.. Let me introduce you to the kids then!” he announced, casually slipping an arm around
Felix’s shoulder.

‘the kids’, uh? Felix couldn’t help but feel just a tinge of jealousy hearing Chan call his friends
that. He knew that was just the way his friend was, always taking care of everyone, taking the role
of big brother, of father. That was something Felix always loved. But he selfishly believed that he
might be the only one Chan was treating that way and realizing he wasn’t stung a bit. But Felix
wasn’t a kid anymore. He wasn’t naturally a jealous person and so he got over this feeling quickly.
And just as quickly, it was replaced by pure anxiety at the idea of meeting all those new people.

Felix could be pretty shy. Once he knew people, he was usually comfortable, but meeting people
and being in a situation where he knew nobody was always really nerve-wracking for him. Maybe
that was why Chan squeezed his shoulder for a second before leading him toward the closest door,
the one leading to the living room.

“Guys!” Chan called as they entered the new room, switching back to Korean now that it wasn’t
only Felix and him anymore.

The room was spacious but most of it was taken by a huge corner couch were most of the others
were already sitting. A tv was mounted on the wall in front of the couch and a little table under it
was stacked with a couple of game consoles and a few DVDs. Farther in the room was a big table
with chairs all around it and even farther Felix could make out a small kitchen.

All eyes landed on them as soon as they entered the room, making Felix panic slightly. He never
liked being the centre of attention. The comforting presence of Chan beside him was the only thing
keeping him from shaking like a leaf because of the nervousness.

“Guys, I wanna introduce you to someone!” Chan said excitedly. “This is Felix, my bro from
Australia!” he then announced, gesturing towards Felix who was playing with his fingers in front
of him.

After that, Chan quickly started to introduce every single person in the room without leaving time
for anyone to say anything. First he pointed at the boy who seemed to be the youngest of the
bunch. He was blond, bangs falling over his eyes as he was looking down at the computer on his
lap before looking back up at Chan, offering a gentle smile to Felix when he made eye contact with
him.

“This is Jeongin. But you can call him I.N, we all do.” at that Jeongin nodded, like to say it was
okay to call him that. “He’s our maknae.” Chan then explained to Felix. But seeing the look of
confusion on Felix’s face, he rectified himself. “He’s the baby of the group.” he said in English.

Chan moved his finger to point at the man next to I.N, sitting on the back of the couch instead of
down with the rest. He seemed almost as massive as Chan if his arms, shown by his sleeveless
tank top, were anything to go by. He was wearing a cap but Felix could see a mass of brown hair
under that. He had to say, the face of this new stranger was a little intimidating. But still, the man
made a quick sign in his direction to say hi.

“This is Changbin. He looks like a killer but don’t be fooled, he’s actually more like a fluffy
rabbit.” At that Changbin raised his middle finger to Chan who softly laughed. “Seriously, he’s
harmless.” he added in English, giving Felix a wink.

Felix couldn’t help but smile at that. A little, discreet smile but still. He was grateful to Chan for
taking the time to add those little notes in English for him, since Felix still had some difficulties
with the Korean language here and there. And honestly, Chan seemed so enthusiastic about those
introductions that it started to rub off on Felix, despite the anxiety.

Next, Chan pointed at a guy with dark brown hair and a friendly smile already on his face. He
waved his hand at Felix. This was a completely different vibe from Changbin, who Felix found to
be mysterious and intimidating at first glance. This other man seemed nice and easy to talk to,
which made Felix feel a little more relaxed.

“This is Seungmin. As smart as a dog, as cute as a dog. Deadly combination.”. The comment made
Seungmin laugh and roll his eyes at Chan softly. “Way too often he’s the voice of reason around
here, so if I’m not around, you can count on him.”. Chan added in English with a nod in Felix’s
direction, who nodded back.

The next man Chan pointed at was the same man that had opened the door to Felix earlier. He
looked unbothered, maybe even bored or slightly annoyed by the whole situation. He seemed cute
enough, but Felix had the nagging feeling that he wasn’t the type of person you wanted to mess
with. Or even the type of person you could easily bond with.

“You already met Minho, kinda. As long as you like cats, you two should be fine!” Minho shook
his head like Chan had said something stupid but Felix noticed the corner of his lips slightly
twitching up, if only for a second. “He can be a bit of a bitch sometimes, but he’s a really good
guy.” Chan noted, in English, like he did with the other members before that.

Chan then pointed to another man, one that, instead of sitting like the others, was completely
sprawled on Minho and Seungmin’s lap. Without hesitation, he winked at Felix with a confident
smile.

“Wassup?” he even said, with a nod which only made him receive a slap at the back of the head
from Minho.

“This is Mister Jisung in all of his glory…” Chan continued with a chuckle. “What more can I say.
What you see is what you get!” he added, Jisung offering one more wink at that. “A real mood-
maker, always ready to make you laugh.” Chan explained in English.

“And…” Chan started once more looking around the room like he was searching for someone else.
But it was pretty clear he already introduced everyone in the room. “Wait.. Where’s Jinnie?”

“Still at the dance studio.” Minho said, his focus already gone from Felix as he was now playing
with Jisung’s hair, apparently trying to make knots in it.

This made Chan sigh. But it also made Felix’s ears perk up. Back in the day he had been an avid
dancer. Not that he would admit it today, or even talk about it. Years of having his parents tell him
those kinds of dreams were foolish and a waste of time made him stop completely and even bury
the memories of it deep inside. But still, he couldn’t help but be interested every time someone
mentioned dancing.

“This kid never listens to anything I say, does he..?” Chan sighed again.

“He should be back soon, he’ll be fine.” Seungmin answered with a comforting tone and a
reassuring smile.

Chan nodded at that. And Felix realized that all the others were nodding too. It seemed to Felix
like this whole bunch was a well-oiled machine and that they all knew one another very well.

“Anyway! I’ll show Felix around and then we can all watch a movie together or something, so you
can get to know one another, how does that sound?” Chan smiled to the group.

Most of them nodded or smiled, Jisung showed his thumbs up and Minho completely ignored the
question altogether. It seemed to be sufficient for Chan who squeezed Felix shoulder and dragged
him out of the room as quickly as he dragged him in earlier.

“You okay?” Chan asked once they were out of the room, probably knowing how anxious Felix
was when it came to meeting new people. He switched back to English naturally as soon as it was
only the two of them.

“Yeah.” Felix smiled genuinely. “When you told me you were in a band, I thought there was like.. 3
or 4 of you. But you’re.. Six?”

“Seven actually. You haven’t met Hyunjin yet.” he rectified, taking Felix towards a flight of stairs
and signalling him to follow him upstairs. “It’s a lot. But at least we’re never bored, that’s for
sure.” he chuckled.

They arrived in the landing, with a corridor going left and one going right.

“Since we’re so many, we have to share rooms. Back there, at the end of the corridor on the left is
my room, that I share with Seungmin. Then there’s Minho and Jinsung’s room, and on the right
there’s I.N and Changbin’s room and the one at the end of the corridor is Hyunjin’s room.” Chan
explained, pointing at each door while telling who occupied which room. “He’s the only one with a
solo room. He used to share it with a former member but now it’s just him. Everyone kinda hates
him for it, not gonna lie..” he chuckled, already leading Felix towards his own room, on the left.

The room was simple, with two beds, one on each side of the room. Two nightstands and two
desks. Each side of the room had posters, pictures or other miscellaneous things on the walls,
showing the personality of the people using the room. Chan sat on a bed, that was probably his,
and patted the spot beside him. So Felix sat next to him.

“So.. You ready to tell me what’s going on?” Chan asked cautiously, watching Felix with this
worried glance the young man was so accustomed to.

The blond sighed. Where to begin? It was such a mess. Felix knew he had made the right decision
in this situation. Or at least he hoped he did. Maybe if he left earlier, like Chan did, things would’ve
been different. Maybe his parents wouldn’t be half as mad. But as thing were right now, he would
be lucky to ever speak to either of them ever again. And still Felix couldn’t feel bad for dropping
out of college, because the life he had back there was slowly smothering him and he wasn’t sure he
would’ve been able to continue like that for much longer anyway. But now he was left with
nothing more than what was in his backpack. He didn’t even truly know what he wanted to do with
his life now that his parents’ dream of him becoming a lawyer were thrown out of the window.

Felix realized he had been silent for a while, but instead of pressuring him, Chan simply waited for
an answer, in silence.

“My folks threw me out.” Felix simply stated, looking down at his hands on his lap.

“What!? Why?”

“The university, the expectations… I couldn’t take it anymore..” Felix shrugged. “I dropped out
and told them I wanted to do something I love with my life. They didn’t like that very much…” he
continued, his eyes glued to his hands.

He felt Chan pressing a hand on his back, his warmth spreading through his palm and into Felix’s
body. It was stupid that such a single, small gesture, could have such an effect on him. But Felix
was a very tactile person, skinship had always made him feel better. And Chan had probably
always been the best person to cheer him up, even without saying a word.

“I didn’t know what to do so I... “ Felix looked up at Chan and sighed, realizing how stupid and
impulsive he had been, travelling across the world with no plan. “So I came here..” he finished,
feeling foolish.

Chan’s hand travelled from Felix’s back to his head, and with his fingers he ruffled slightly his hair
before patting his head softly, offering him one of those smiles, that could make you believe that
everything was going to be okay.

“You did good.” Chan’s voice was soft and comforting. “And it may not be the same but.. If you
need it, I can be your family.” he said, genuinely. “We can be your family.”

Felix couldn’t help it. He felt his eyes burning and before he could stop it, a tear was rolling down
his cheek. He didn’t even realize how much he needed to hear something like that, to simply hear
that he didn’t have to be alone from today forward, even though his biological family had
abandoned him. He didn’t know any of the guys here, he didn’t know if they could get along, hell
he didn’t even want to intrude in their group. But hearing that Chan would be there. That Chan
would be his family.. That was enough.

With a sweet smile, Chan lifted his hand and softly brushed away the tear on Felix’s cheek, tilting
his head to look at him in the eyes.

“We’re chaotic and loud, but we never leave anyone behind.” he said, and Felix believed every
single word. “You can even bunk with Hyunjin from now on!” he added, with more excitement.

“Are you… You’re sure? You’re already so many here and I don’t want to intrude..” Felix
stuttered. He really didn’t feel comfortable intruding on their space and their home out of nowhere
like that. But then again, he had nowhere else to go.

“Of course I’m sure! If there’s enough space for seven of us, there’s enough space for eight!” he
smiled brightly. “And we could all use a little bit of sunshine in our life…” he added with a cheeky
wink.

‘Sunshine’. Chan used to say that was what Felix reminded him of when they were younger. The
memory, and the nickname, made Felix smile once again, the tears already just a distant memory.
Finally, he felt like, maybe, things were really going to be okay.

Chan ruffled Felix’s blond strands once again, his bright smile never leaving his lips and all his
affection shown, clear as day, in his eyes.

“Welcome home kiddo.”

 I'm Keeping This One
Chapter Notes

Thank you all for the love you've given to the first chapter! I hope you like what
comes next too!
Never hesitate to comment or even send me a little message to talk about the fic, about
Stray Kids in general or about anything really! I don't bite and I wanna be friends ♥

The two old friends spent some more time talking, just the two of them, after that. But after maybe
fifteen minutes Chan decided it was finally time to go back to the others and watch that movie.
Felix was still pretty stressed about being around everyone, but he thought that the sooner he
would try to get to know them, the better if he was going to live with them like Chan wanted him
to. Still, before going down, he asked where the bathroom was, wanting to check if his eyes
weren’t too red from the crying he did earlier.

Chan pointed him in the direction of the bathroom and made his way back to the living room,
trusting that Felix could find his way back on his own after that, since he only had to go down the
stairs and turn right.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, where he checked his eyes, splashed water onto his face,
brushed quickly his hair with his fingers and took a deep breath, Felix felt ready to join the others
and try to fit in as best as possible, as quickly as possible. With this new found determination, he
left the bathroom and took the stairs down, two at a time. He was already seeing himself taking a
right when he reached the entrance but unfortunately, luck didn’t seem to be on his side tonight and
instead of doing a bee-line for the living room like he was planning to, when he arrived in the
entrance he crashed straight into someone.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Felix blurted out, talking in English out of habit before correcting himself
quickly. “I’m sorry”. He repeated, in Korean this time.

The tall figure in front of him had boxes of pizza stacked in his arms and two of them were
threatening to fall as he staggered back from the collision with Felix. As a reflex, Felix grabbed the
boxes to save them from the fall. Only then did he actually look up to see who he crashed into. And
what he saw made him question, for a second, if he didn’t actually fall asleep in Chan’s bed and
was now in a dream.

The stranger facing him was absolutely stunning. Maybe the prettiest man Felix had ever laid eyes
on. He was towering over Felix and long blond hair were peaking out of a black beanie on his
head. His skin looked flawless and smooth and his lips were as red as an apple. Surely no man like
this could exist in real life. But still, Felix was pretty sure he was awake and the beautiful stranger
was staring at him in return.

“Sorry” Felix repeated once again, no more than a whisper.

“Are you a burglar?” the stranger suddenly asked, tilting his head to the side.

Felix was quite surprised by the question. He stared at the tall blond for a second too long, trying to
process not only his gorgeous face, but the weird question also.
“Um.. No.. I don’t think I am..” Felix answered, confused, with a little frown of his eyebrows.

“Oh. Good!” the stranger simply answered, kicking his shoes off to the side, where a pile of other
shoes was already residing. “Then would you mind helping me with bringing the pizza over
there?” he then asked, offering Felix a smile.

“Uh.. Sure?”

Unsure of what happened exactly, Felix simply followed the stranger to the living room. Their
arrival was met with cheering and clapping. Whether it was for the pizza or for the new arrival in
the group, Felix wasn’t sure.

“I met the delivery guy when I arrived.” the stranger explained, putting his two boxes of pizza in
the middle of the group, all hurdled on the couch.

Still confused, Felix simply followed his example, putting his boxes with the others before
searching for Chan with his eyes.

“And you found Felix, good job!” exclaimed Chan.

He was sitting on the back of the couch next to everyone else and gestured to Felix to come closer,
muttering “I saved you a seat” under his breath. The blond didn’t need to be told twice. He much
prefered being close to Chan in this new environment. So he sat on the couch, Chan straight behind
him on the back of the couch. Chan’s big hands quickly found Felix’s small shoulder, making him
relax instantly.

“Felix?” the stranger asked, looking at the small blond.

“Yup. Felix, Hyunjin. Hyunjin, Felix. Now everyone knows everybody!” Chan announced with a
big smile.

“Hi..” Felix said, shyly, waving a little.

Hyunjin looked at him with big eyes, tilting his head once again, like he did in the entrance earlier.
Felix wasn’t sure what that reaction was all about and he felt a little embarrassed being watched so
intently by someone.

“Like, THE Felix?” he then asked, looking up at Chan.

“The Felix?” Felix couldn't help but ask.

“Oh yeah, Channie never shuts up about you!” Jisung laughed. And both Minho and Changbin
nodded their agreement with that statement.

“Really?”

Felix was surprised to hear that. He slowly threw his head back to watch Chan behind him,
watching him upside down for a second, feeling his cheeks getting a little flushed at the idea of his
friend talking about him to other people. Chan only winked at him before ruffling Felix’s blond
hair with a little chuckle.

When he looked back down, Felix was afraid of having all eyes on him, especially since he knew
that his cheeks must have been a little pink now. But Jisung and Minho were bickering silently,
Changbin was checking his phone, I.N was already trying to steal a slice of pizza and Seungmin
was busy slapping I.N’s hand away from the pizza boxes. Hyunjin ‘s eyes, however, were still on
him. At least Felix had the impression that the boy was looking at him but when he looked back,
Hyunjin looked away so maybe Felix simply imagined it.

“Hyunjin, go take a shower, you’re gross!” Chan exclaimed, taking a pillow from the couch and
throwing it in Hyunjin’s direction.

The tall blond grabbed the pillow easily and laughed, making a sign of surrender with his arms
before starting to leave the room to do exactly what Chan asked him to.

“And make it quick, I have an announcement to make!” Chan yelled behind him.

“An announcement?” Seungmin asked.

It seemed like Chan managed to get the attention of everyone with that statement, except for
Hyunjin of course, who already left to take his shower. Chan nodded.

“Yeah, it’s nothing big, I just want everyone to be here to hear it.”

Seungmin nodded in response. By the smile he gave Felix after that, it felt like maybe Seungmin
had already caught on what was going on. And if it was the case, he didn’t seem to mind, which
eased the tension in Felix’s body just a little bit. He still didn’t know how the others would react.

After that, everyone started to simply do their own thing, playing on their phones or bickering and
joking between one another, complaining about having to wait on Hyunjin to start eating or
debating about what movie to watch. At first Felix was a little apprehensive about leaning into
Chan behind him. His tactile nature screamed at him to do it, but he didn’t know how people
would react to that. But in the few minutes he had been in the living room, he had seen Jisung
basically lay entirely on Minho, I.N put his legs up on Changbin’s lap and Seungmin drop his head
on I.N’s shoulder. Apparently, skinship was the norm in this group and that made Felix feel a little
better about it.

He let his body fall against the back of the couch, between Chan’s legs and instantly his friend
wrapped his arms around Felix’s neck from behind, putting his chin on the top of his head. Felix
reached for one of Chan’s hand, playing unconsciously with his fingers. Having that kind of touch
always made him feel better, safer, happier. Rarely was there any kind of ulterior motive behind it.
It was just something he craved and something he would spontaneously do without really thinking
about it.

Felix was deep in conversation with Chan when Hyunjin came back into the room. His friend had
made a joke about their teenage years, talking excitedly in English while letting Felix play with his
fingers. The smaller boy laughed brightly and shot back a comment to Chan with that deep voice of
his, that was often so at odds with his cute baby face. He only realized Hyunjin was back when he
felt something rubbing against his calf. When he looked down, Hyunjin was sitted on the floor,
since the whole couch was already occupied. His shoulder was occasionally brushing against
Felix’s knee. His hair was still wet from his shower and a towel was hanging around his neck.

“Prince Jinnie is finally here! You took your sweet time!” I.N complained, throwing a pillow at
Hyunjin.

Just like before, Hyunjin grabbed the pillow easily and slipped it behind his back, his arm brushing
against Felix’s leg at the movement. Changbin pushed a pizza in their direction so that Chan, Felix
and Hyunjin could all have access to some food, since they were on the far side of the couch,
farther than the others from the food.

“You should dry your hair or you’ll catch a cold.” Chan said, matter-of-factly.

Felix didn’t dare say anything since he didn’t know Hyunjin and had no business telling him what
to do, but he was siding with Chan on this one. Actually, being who he was, touch-starved and also
wanting to take care and spoil people around him, Felix’s hand was itching to grab the towel
around Hyunjin’s neck to scrub his head and dry his hair for him. Of course he didn’t, keeping his
hand busy playing with Chan’s fingers.

“Yes, mom.” Hyunjin teased, grabbing the box of pizza and opening it to take a slice.

He turned slightly to offer the box to Felix. He gave him a small smile, only the corner of his
mouth lifting but still Felix found it fascinating. He offered a shy little smile in return, taking the
box and lifting it for Chan to grab himself a slice before taking one for himself too, the box resting
on his lap. Next to them all the other guys already dug in other boxes, way too happy to finally be
allowed to eat now that everyone was here.

“So, what was it you wanted to tell us Chan?” Changbin asked with a mouthful of pizza.

“Don’t tell me you wrote another song overnight, ‘cause I’m not ready for that!” I.N exclaimed,
making Changbin and Jisung laugh and nod in understanding.

“It’s a new concert, isn’t it? The world needs more Sexy Jisung on stage!” Jisung suddenly threw
his hair back in a dramatic manner, probably trying to act like the ‘Sexy Jisung’ he was talking
about.

Minho slapped him behind the head, making him wince and making every other member chuckle.
Even Felix had an amused smile on the corner of his lips. He was too anxious from being an
outsider to completely let himself go with the others, but he had to admit that the interactions
between all of them were funny and heartwarming. Chan wasn’t lying. They did look like a family.

Chan took the time to chew the pizza in his mouth before finally answering his members who were
all watching him intently now, all seeming interested by what he had to say. Even Minho, who still
had this unbothered and uninterested demeanor, was looking at Chan from the corner of his eye
while taking little bites of his pizza.

“Nothing like that.” Chan chuckled softly. He put one brotherly hand on Felix’s head before
continuing his big announcement.” From now on, Felix is going to live with us!” he smiled
brightly.

Felix thought that Chan was going to ask everyone for their opinion, ask them if it was okay with
them and, maybe, if they weren’t up for it, try to convince them. Instead, he simply stated that
Felix was moving in, point blank, without a hint of hesitation. That made Felix very anxious, he
was afraid that the others wouldn’t be as excited as Chan was, that they would even be angry that
his friend was making that kind of rash decision all on his own.

“What, that’s your announcement?” I.N poutted.

“Well, yeah. Obviously.” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Shocker.” Changbin shrugged.

They all said that at the same time, while Seungmin was simply smiling, amused, shaking his head
softly from side to side. Felix was really confused by the whole thing. He was prepared for a lot of
things coming from them, but definitely not that. They all acted like they already knew that Felix
was going to stay with them, for some reason.

“What?. How did you guess that?” Chan asked, a pout forming on his lips like a kid disappointed
that his surprise had been ruined.

“The kid arrived with a backpack.” Changbin pointed out.

“It was pretty obvious…” Seungmin nodded, still his amused smile on his lips.

“Taking in strays is your thing after all, Chan.” Minho announced, probably speaking up for the
first time since the start of the conversation.

Felix wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel attacked by this comment. Being called a ‘stray’
wasn’t exactly enjoyable and Minho hadn’t been really warm with Felix since he arrived here. So
maybe the comment was made to be mean, but Chan seemed to find it quite funny instead.

“Fair enough.” he laughed gingerly, throwing his head back a bit, his arm going back around
Felix’s neck.

Hyunjin was the only silent one during all this, eating his pizza like he had no clue what was
happening around him. Once he was done with his slice though, his head suddenly snapped up, like
he just noticed or remembered something.

“Wait, but where is he gonna sleep though?” he asked.

Every head turned his way and every member was either looking at him like he was stupid because
the answer was obvious, or with a knowing smirk like they were taking too much pleasure in the
situation.

“You’re the only one with a solo room Jinnie, you do the math.” Chan simply stated, the same
amused smirk on his lips.

“What!? But…”

Hyunjin turned his head to watch Chan, even though Felix was probably obstructing most of his
view. His mouth was opened dramatically big, as were his eyes, like he was facing the worst
betrayal of his life and was dumbfounded by it. It made Felix feel a little bad for the other boy who
was used to living on his own and was forced to share his room with a stranger just because Felix
had popped out of nowhere. He mouthed a little “sorry” without actually making a sound, a guilty
pout on his lips.

Hyunjin’s answer wasn’t what Felix expected, once again. The tall blond turned his eyes to Felix
and he winked. Actually winked at him, before turning his attention back to Chan like nothing
happened. Felix's eyes were glued to him a few seconds more, bewildered. He wasn’t sure why,
but this simple gesture got him flustered and he was pretty sure his cheeks were already taking a
pink hue. Quickly he averted his eyes, burying himself further in the back of the couch, in Chan’s
arms, like he was his personal armor against embarrassment.

“Do you hate me Channie..? Is that it?” Hyunjin continued, still playing the dramatic part.

“Karma.” Minho coughed next to them.

“Good riddance!” Changbin laughed.

“It could be worse.” Chan shrugged. “You could be stuck with Jisung as your roommate…” he
added.

“Hey!”

Jisung freed his arm from Minho’s grasp to punch Chan’s shoulder, not hard enough to hurt him
but powerful enough to show his mecontentement at the comment. To add insult to injury, Hyunjin
shuddered at the thought, as dramatic as ever, even making a weird face that got I.N laughing.

“No way. I’m keeping this one. Thank you very much.” Hyunjin announced, putting his hand
casually on Felix’s knee.

Felix’s body tensed at the contact. On one hand, he didn’t hate it. Of course he didn’t. But on the
other hand, he was used to touching only people he was tight with, like Chan. And Hyunjin was
still more or less a stranger. An absolutely gorgeous stranger. Felix’s eye fell on Hyunjin’s hand on
his knee. Even his hands were beautiful, how was that possible? And how was that fair?

“Then it’s a done deal!” Chan exclaimed happily, shaking Felix between his arms slightly to
convey his excitement for the whole thing.

Chan’s interruption helped Felix pry his eyes away from the hand on his knee and turn his head to
focus back on his friend’s face behind him. Just a second after he felt Hyunjin’s hand disappear
too.

“Are you sure that’s okay though?” Felix asked his friend in English, his voice low.

Chan ruffled Felix’s hair for what felt like the umpteenth time since he got here. In response Felix
scrunched up his nose but couldn’t help a bright smile to take over his features soon after,
mimicking the smile that Chan was offering him. His old friend seemed so genuinely happy to have
him here with him and the feeling was mutual.

“Of course it is. Stop worrying your little head with it.” Chan answered in their native tongue.

“Some of us don’t speak English, you know?” I.N called from the other side of the couch, still
stuffing his face with his second or even third slice of pizza.

Felix turned himself to see everyone once more, instead of just watching Chan only. His smile
became small and shy once again. First his eyes were drawn to Hyunjin and he could swear, for a
second, that the boy was actually looking at him but once Felix’s eyes fell on him, Hyunjin was
already looking somewhere else, like before. Felix was starting to believe that his mind was just
imagining things. Not dwelling on it, he turned his eyes towards the others on the couch.

“Sorry.” he said in a small voice before bowing a little, as much as Chan’s arms around his neck
could permit him. “Thank you for welcoming me. I’m sorry for the trouble I’m causing all of you.”
he announced very politely, earning him a pat on the head from Chan who seemed to mean ‘Good
boy’.

I.N, with his mouth full of pizza, made an ‘OK’ sign with his fingers, Changbin simply nodded
with a small smile and Jisung gave him two thumbs up.

“Don’t worry about it and let’s all get along.” Seungmin smiled, nice, comforting and genuine.

“You better pull your weight, newbie.” Minho said with his bored tone, barely turning his eyes
towards Felix.
The comment made everyone go silent, their eyes drawn to Minho. There was no
misunderstanding possible now, Minho clearly wasn’t a fan of Felix, which, of course, made him
feel a bit uneasy. But maybe he just didn’t like strangers much. Felix could relate to that after all.
And he wasn’t bold enough to start any kind of argument over this kind of comment anyway.
Nobody else seemed to come forth to say anything. Minho was actually the one speaking again
only a few seconds later.

“So, we’re watching that movie or what?”

“Right!” Chan jumped on the chance to change the subject. “So, what do you guys wanna watch?”

This question was followed by a twenty minute debate during which each person was trying to
convince the others that said or said movie was better. There was a lot of arguing, a bit of yelling
and a fair share of pillow throwing. During all that, Felix was staying silent, watching it all unfold
and processing everything that had happened today. He couldn’t help but wonder what his life was
going to be here, what was in stock for him from now on.

Was he going to be alright? Amongst the yelling and chaos, and despite some hiccups here and
there, he felt like the answer was pretty clear: he most definitely would.
 Stars, So Pretty...
Chapter Notes

Thanks again for all the love! ♥ I swear things are going to happen sooner or later, so
bear with me, please!

Felix wasn’t sure how, but the guys had managed to agree on a movie at some point. By then
though, the pizza was already all gone and the sun had disappeared from the sky. It didn’t seem to
matter much since most of them continued to talk between themselves on top of the movie anyway.

Some of the guys, like Seungmin and I.N asked him a few questions to make him feel included.
Nothing too profond, like where he was from in Australia or when was the last time he came to
Korea, for example. But for the most part Felix focused on the movie, relaxing in Chan’s arms, still
playing mindlessely with his friend’s fingers.

As the minutes passed, he started to feel the weight of everything that happened today and those
past few days fall on him, he was getting more tired by the second. Yawning discreetly, he took a
peek around and realized he wasn’t the only one in that state. The movie was only 45 minutes in
and I.N was sleeping on Changbin’s shoulder, Jisung was struggling to keep his eyes open, his
head on Minho’s lap and his legs sprawled on Seungmin’s knees. Even Chan’s arms felt heavy on
Felix’s shoulders, like he had no strength left and was letting his weight press onto Felix while he
was slowly falling asleep.

That’s when Felix witnessed once more how tight of a group they were when, without saying
anything to each other, almost like they communicated telepathically, everyone decided it was time
for bed.

Changbin carrefuly slided from under I.N before putting his arms around the younger boy, who
looked even younger asleep, and proceeded to lift him up in the air without waking him up. He
nodded briefly at the others before leaving the room, his footsteps echoing in the staircase a few
seconds later.

Minho tilted his head to whisper in Jisung’s ear, stroking his back, trying to wake him up with a
tenderness that took Felix aback for a second because of how cold the young man had seemed all
evening. All the while, Seungmin managed to take Jisung’s legs away from him and got up. He
glanced towards Felix and softly chuckled at what he saw.

“Do you need help?” he asked, his voice low, while in the background, Jisung and Minho got up
and left the room together to rejoin their room.

Felix then realized two things. Chan was most definitely asleep behind him, his forehead now
pressed on Felix’s shoulder, his arms still firmly locked around him. But he wasn’t the only one
who decided to use the small blond as a pillow. Looking down, following Seungmin’s gaze, Felix
saw Hyunjin, fast asleep, his head propped up against Felix’s knee. His legs had been numb from
sitting in that position for so long so he never even felt the other boy falling asleep on him. Now
that he had though, he had a hard time keeping his cheek from flushing again.

He tilted his head back up to answer Seungmin.

“I got it, thanks. ” he said with his signature small, shy smile. “Goodnight.” he added, genuinely.

Seungmin’s smile was warm and comforting. He was really good at making Felix feel like he was
welcome here since the very first second and still now. He grabbed the remote on the ground and
turned off the TV.

“Goodnight Felix.” he simply answered before giving a quick glance at the two sleeping figures, a
tender look in his eyes and then leaving the living room like the others.

And, just like that, Felix ended up alone with Chan and Hyunjin both asleep, leaning on him in one
way or another. And between them, Felix was at a loss for what to do, his cheeks pink. He couldn’t
see Chan who was behind him so, naturally, his eyes drifted to Hyunjin.

He couldn’t see the other boy’s face either, just the back of his head, a little bit of his profile
peeking from between his blonds strands. His hair had dried on their own since Hyunjin never
listened to Chan’s advice, and now they looked so long and soft. Felix felt his fingers tingle from
wanting to touch them, just to see if Hyunjin’s hair were really as nice as they looked.

Instead, he raised his hand to stroke Chan’s arm that was resting around him, turning his head as
much as he could to talk softly to his sleeping friend.

“Channie..” he spoke quietly, using the nickname he heard the others call him. When he was
speaking in hushed tones like that, his voice always seemed even deeper. “Wakey, wakey.”.

He heard Chan grunt a little next to his ear before feeling him holding him closer and tighter
instead of letting go. Felix chuckled softly, carressing his friends arm to try and wake him up as
gently as possible.

“You’re gonna be sore in the morning. You should sleep in your bed.” he continued in a low voice,
in English.

“But you’re so comfortable…” he heard Chan reply. Low and raspy. His voice was muffled by the
fact that his face was pressed on Felix’s shoulder, almost burried in his neck.

“That’s no excuse..” Felix pointed out, but it was clear in his voice that he was amused. He
couldn’t help but found Chan absolutely cute at this moment. And his friend didn’t move in the
slightest. “If I let you take a nap on me tomorrow, will you go to bed?” he finally asked after a
second, feigning a sigh.

Chan thought about it, a low “ummm” coming out of his throat, still unmoving. Finally he nodded
in Felix’s neck, lifting one of his hands to rub his sleepy eyes.

“Then go ahead. I’ll wake up Hyunjin.” he smiled to his friend.

“Uh?” Chan asked, confused. He opened one eye and looked towards the floor, where Hyunjin was
still sitted, his head on Felix’s knee. A raspy chuckle escaped him at the sight. “See… Comfy.”

Felix rolled his eyes but an amused smile danced on his lips. Slowly he felt Chan move from
behind him and get up from the couch, finally facing him instead of being behind him.

“Jinnie is impossible to wake up. You should just leave him here.” Chan said, keeping is tone pretty
quiet nonetheless, as he stretched his arms above his head, a yawn escaping his lips once again. “If
he wakes up he’ll go to bed, otherwise he’ll spend the night here. Wouldn’t be the first time.” he
sighed, looking at the blond on the floor with equal part worry and tenderness.
“Oh.. Okay then.” Felix nodded, looking down at the sleeping Hyunjin.

It didn’t feel good to just leave him on the floor like that, but Chan knew his band member better
than Felix and so he probably was right if he said this was the best thing to do. Even though Chan
had said that the boy was a heavy sleeper, Felix didn’t want to be too rough. Carefully, he slipped
his hand between his knee and Hyunjin’s head. He took a pillow on the couch and swapped it with
his knee before very slowly lowering his blond head onto it. His hair was definitely as soft as it
looked, to Felix’s dismay who forced himself to take his hand away.

Quietly, without any abrupt movement, he got up from the couch too. Chan wrapped his arm
around his shoulder and after a last glance to Hyunjin, Felix let his friend drag him out of the living
room and up the stairs.

In the corridor, Felix and Chan needed to part ways, both of their rooms being on opposite sides.
But before that, Chan pulled Felix into yet another embrace. Felix eagerly responded to it by
wrapping his arms around him.

“I’m happy to have you here with me Lix.” Chan said after a long silence.

Felix took a long breath in, Chan’s scent filling his nostrils. He was trying not to get too emotional.
He was known to be a little sensitive sometimes and the last few days had been rough. Having
Chan with him was the best thing that happened to him in a long time and he couldn’t even realize
yet the fact that he was allowed to stay by his side every day from now on. It still seemed like a
dream that he would wake up from in the morning.

“Me too..” he said, knowing that if he tried to say more, he would probably start crying again.

Chan hugged him tighter. He too, was probably feeling the emotion in this situation. The two
stayed like that for a moment. But Felix could feel Chan’s body become heavier and heavier as the
seconds passed by. His friend was starting to fall asleep on him again. Standing, in the middle of
the corridor.

“Anyway, to bed you go now..” he announced, taking a reluctant step back.

Chan’s eyes were barely open anymore and he looked absolutely exhausted so he didn’t even try to
argue and simply nodded.

“If you need anything…” he started, but simply gestured his hand randomly in the air in the
direction of his room instead of actually finishing his sentence.

Felix understood nonetheless and nodded with a tender smile. Chan waved his hand at him,
rubbing his eyes with his free hand, and Felix wave back before taking a few seconds to watch the
older walk back to his room. Only when he was alone in the corridor did he decide to make his
way to the door Chan had pointed out to him earlier as being Hyunjin’s - and now his - room.

The room was plunged into darkness but when Felix switched on the light, he wished it had stayed
this way. It looked exactly the same as Chan’s room, when it came to the size and the furnitures.
The big difference was the mess.

Clothes everywhere. On the floor, on the back of chairs, on the spare bed that was supposed to be
his. Sticky notes with weird little stick figures and a bunch of arrows scribbled on them were
sprawled on both the desks and even the night stand on Hyunjin’s side. And on the corner of said
night stand was a big pile of books that was threatening to topple over at any time. Hyunjin’s bed
wasn’t made, the blanket was thrown on the mattress, probably the way he left it when he got up in
the morning and at the foot of the bed was a computer, half closed but definitely out of battery
since it wasn’t plugged anywhere that Felix could see.

The walls were decorated tastefully though, color coordinated just the right way. Felix had the
sense that had the room been clean, it probably would be a really pretty and relaxing space with
that kind of decor. He glanced at the other bed in the room, the one that was going to become his.
Neatly folded on top of it, amongst some clothes that were definitely there before, was a pile of
anything he would need to make his bed. Even a fresh and fluffy pillow. Since Chan had said the
bed hadn’t been used in a while, all this had probably been brought here just for him.

He wondered when Chan had the time to prepare this for him. Or maybe was it Seungmin, before
he went to bed, that had done it. It seemed like the kind of sweet gesture he was capable of. The
thoughtfulness brought a smile to Felix’s lip, butterfly fluttering in his heart.

He sat on his unmade bed, taking all this in, his eyes wandering around the room once again, not
focusing on anything specific. Until his eyes fell on Hyunjin’s bed for the second time. He still felt
pretty bad about leaving the other boy on the floor in the living room. Not only was he going to be
sore from sleeping there, but the nights were starting to get pretty chilly and he would feel
responsible if Hyunjin ended up catching a cold. Before he could think better of it, he was up from
the bed, the blanket from Hyunjin’s bed bundled up in his arms and he was making his way out of
the room as quietly as possible.

Going down the stairs with a big blanket in his arms, without tripping was a challenge, but Felix
took his time and made it in one piece into the entrance. The house was completely silent. It wasn’t
eerie, but Felix had the feeling that it wasn’t something that often happened here, which made it
feel especially relaxing. With the same quiet walk as before, Felix made his way back to the living
room.

Hyunjin hadn’t moved a muscle. When Felix came closer and kneeled in front of the boy, his head
was still on the couch, a pillow stuck between the two, his arms falling on each side of him, one of
his long leg stretched out completely while the other was folded under the first one. Slowly,
delicately, Felix slid the blanket on top of the sleeping figure as best he could.

Hyunjin moved, just a little and Felix stopped everything, afraid to wake him up. For some reason
he felt a little embrassed of what he was doing. Not that it was anything to be ashamed of or that he
had any ulterior motive, but he didn’t know Hyunjin at all and most people would think that Felix’s
caring gesture towards a stranger was, at best, weird, at worst, creepy. But no matter who it was,
Felix always cared. Sometimes he cared too much, but at least he cared.

Once he was sure that he hadn’t accidentally woke up Hyunjin, Felix moved the blanket a little
more to cover his body as much as possible. He finally decided it was good enough after a few
seconds. Instead of immediately getting up and going back to his room like he knew he should’ve,
he tentatively let his eyes wander towards Hyunjin’s face. This beautiful, unreal face.

It took his breath away once more. If angels were real, if they decided to walk on earth, this was
the face Felix imagined they’d have. He couldn’t say he was attracted to Hyunjin because to Felix,
beauty wasn’t enough, the personality was the biggest thing of all, and he didn’t know the other
man at all. But he was sure of one thing: never in his life had he laid eyes on anyone, man or
woman, as effortlessly beautiful as the blond in front of him. And saying that this sight didn’t make
him feel anything would’ve been a lie, of course. Otherwise his cheeks wouldn’t have turned a
light shade of pink just from watching him.

Hyunjin’s full lips were slightly parted, his hot breath sliding between them slowly and regularly.
After he moved, a few tiny strands of hair had fallen accross his face, tickling him and making him
scrunch up his nose every few seconds. Felix raised his hand instinctively and with the very tip of
his fingers, pushed away the long blond strands, tucking them delicately behind Hyunjin’s ear.

“...stars….so pretty…”

Felix almost jumped out of his skin hearing the words coming out of Hyunjin’s mouth. The sound
was almost inaudible, low and raspy. The words didn’t make much sense. And most of all, it didn’t
seem like Hyunjin actually woke up and said those things of his own free will. So, was he sleep
talking? The thought made Felix smile genuinely once the shock of hearing him so suddenly wore
off. It was unexpectedely cute.

After that Felix couldn’t help but look at Hyunjin’s face for a few more seconds, almost entranced
by every tiny movement, by the tiny mole under his eyes or the way tiny strands of hair would
continuesly dangle in front of his face. But he knew how voyeuristic it was of him and pried his
eyes away from the other man quickly enough, getting back on his feet a little too fast, a deeper
shade of pink coating his cheeks now.

Back in the room, Felix couldn’t find sleep. Maybe it was because he was in an unknown
environment, maybe it was because of the excitement of the day or maybe it was because the
sleeping face of Hyunjin was still dancing behind his eyelids. No matter what was the case, the
boy knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep any time soon. And the state of the room didn’t help.

Felix had always liked structure, cleanliness and organization. Not at an obssesive level, but he
liked things to be where they belonged and to have a space that felt fresh at all times. And living
with parents as strict as his had definitely enforced that in his mind some more. So, since he was
already awake anyway, he decided that a little cleaning was long overdue.

First he tackled the clothes everywhere. To his surprise, he found an empty basket in a corner of
the room, that was supposed to contain dirty clothing. He dumped most of the clothes that were
lying around in there. The few that didn’t seem to have been used he folded on the back of the chair
at Hyunjin’s desk.

Secondly, the few trash he found here and there, particularly crumbled papers around the desk or a
wrapper from a chocolate bar near the night stand, he threw in the little black bin he spotted
between the two desks.

Finally he gathered the ridiculously large pile of books from Hyunjin’s nightstand and neatly put
them in a row on the desk between two pen holders that were already there.

The only thing Felix didn’t touch were the sticky notes. He wasn’t sure what the scrribles on them
were supposed to mean but in case there was any kind of order or organization to them that only
Hyunjin could understand, he didn’t want to mess it up. So even though both desks and one
nightstands were covered in them, he decided to let them be.

When all that was done, Felix had the confirmation that his first supspicion had been right. Once
more or less clean, the space was pretty, beautiful even. Really, it suited what he had seen of
Hyunjin so far. And already Felix could feel himself more at ease and his body relax. So it wasn’t
completely a surprise when, as soon as his head hit the pillow, the boy fell in a deep, dreamless
sleep this time around.
 Let's Dance!
Chapter Notes

I can't thank you enough for the love, once more!! ♥

I know not a lot has happened so far, and not a lot is happening is this chapter either,
so I hope you're not bored and you're gonna stick with me! There will be more action
soon, I promise, I just want to take my time with it. And, to be honest, I really like
writing about the little things, the daily life, I dunno why, it makes me happy so..
Yeah, I just hope it doesn't put you off too much..!

Little note too : every time a dialogue is written in italic it means that it's spoken in
English. For the most part I do specify it during the chapter, but not every single time,
so I just wanted to make that clear so people wouldn't be confused!

Thanks again for reading and sticking with me! I hope you like this chapter too ♥♥

A slight panic took over Felix when he awoke. In his sleepy daze, he couldn’t remember where he
was. It took only a few seconds for his brain to switch back on, memories of the night before
flooding in, making him relax. A quick look at his phone told him that it was not even 6am yet.

Felix had followed the same strict routine for so long that his body seemed unable to switch to a
more laid back schedule. So he knew all too well that despite wanting to sleep in, just because he
could, he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. He dared to take a peek at Hyunjin’s bed only to
find out that the boy either never came back to the room or was already up. The former was more
probable this early in the morning.

His backpack, filled with the only things he had left, was laying at the end of his bed and Felix
rummaged through it for a second, grabbing clothes for the day as well as a toothbrush. Slowly, his
body still heavy from sleep, he slipped in a simple white t-shirt tucked in black jeans before
throwing a red oversized sweater on top of it all. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, grabbing his
toothbrush with the other as he made his way to the door.

The house was still and silent, just like the night before, proof enough that nobody was awake yet
except him. Trying his best not to make any sound Felix walked in the bathroom. He couldn’t help
but sigh at seeing his sight in the mirror. His eyes were still puffy from the night before, it didn’t
look good. Then again, Felix had never really thought he looked good no matter what. Not that he
hated himself, but he wasn’t someone who had a lot of confidence in his looks. His freckles for
example, were all over his face, visible to everyone but Felix himself always thought they looked
weird, like his face was constantly dirty or something like that.

He sighed again. Mopping about his appearance wasn’t going to change anything. Quickly he
shoved his toothbrush coated in toothpaste in his mouth. He was trying to tame his bed hair with
his free hand, stroking the strands back between his fingers until they seemed a little smoother
around his head. When he was done, he splashed cold water on his face, hoping it would rid it of
some of its puffiness, to no avail.
Felix was out of the bathroom as quickly as he had come in and it took him only a couple of
seconds to go down the stairs and enter the living room, silent as a cat. Instinctively, the first thing
the boy did while entering the room was to tilt his head to the side, to where the couch was. As
expected, Hyunjin was still there. However his position had changed.

The tall blond was completely wrapped in his blanket, laying on the carpet with only his head
peeking out from his cover. The pillow that was previously between Hyunjin’s head and the couch
had been moved under his head on the floor too now. The corner of Felix’s lips slightly quirked up
at the sight but quickly the image of last night, of himself tucking Hyunjin’s hair behind his ear
and admiring him while the other boy had no clue, made him feel embarrassed. With his cheeks
slightly flushed, he took his eyes away and started to walk towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was attached to the living room, farther in the room, past the couch, the TV and the
dining table. It was a very small kitchen for so many people, but it was quaint and didn’t look out
of place with the rest. A big window was taking most of the space on the small wall of the kitchen.
But the sun had yet to show itself at this time of the day, so all Felix could see through the glass
were shadows and figures of the outside world.

Usually Felix wouldn’t be as forward as to make himself at home this quick, using the kitchen to
do whatever he pleased. In a normal setting he would probably wait in his room to hear someone
else wake up before even going down himself. But he couldn’t pry Minho’s comment from his
head, about him pulling his own weight. And for this reason he wanted to prove not only that he
wouldn’t be a burden, but that he could also be a valuable addition to the household.

It took a little bit of snooping around but after a few minutes Felix was successfully able to
pinpoint where everything was stored. He found coffee in a cupboard under the microwave and
took it upon himself to start a fresh pot of coffee with it. He then proceeded to wash whatever
dishes were left in the sink, probably from the day before. During his exploration of the cupboards,
he had realized that the boys already had everything needed to make brownies and so this was next
thing on his list.

Once the dishes were left to dry and the coffee pot was brewing, he started to put every ingredient
he would need on the dining table. He spent the next half hour just baking as silently as possible,
losing himself in the task. A soft smile floating gently on his lips all the while. Felix had always
loved baking, he found it so relaxing and fun. But that was one of those hobbies that his parents
found useless and since baking was a waste of time in their eyes, that too was something he mostly
had to stop doing. Like dancing. Despite the lack of practice, Felix got back into the rhythm pretty
quickly and enjoyed every second of it.

He put back the dishes in their rightful place while the brownies were in the oven and when the
familiar ‘ding’ echoed, followed by the delicious scent of perfectly cooked chocolate, he took the
pastry to the table, cutting it in little bite-size cubes, careful not to touch the still burning hot plate.
When he looked up from the table, he almost dropped the knife, jumping in surprise.

“Shit!” Felix gasped, his native language slipping right out, putting his small hand on his heart that
was beating fast from the shock.

Hyunjin was standing right there, at the entrance of the kitchen. His long hair slightly ruffled
around his face. His eyes were still half closed and he was scratching the back of his head, his face
slightly tilted to the side. He didn’t seem to be completely awake yet. Felix found it unfair how
good he looked straight out of bed when himself was still looking worse for wear even though he
had been awake for an hour now.
“Mornin’...” the other said, his voice so hoarse that the word was more of a growl than anything.

He tried to walk to the table while rubbing his eyes and collided straight into a chair. He groaned
with a pout before pulling said chair and letting himself fall on it. The gesture was meant to be
done without grace, but it seemed like everything Hyunjin did was inherently smooth and graceful.
Immediately the boy let his head fall between his arms on the table, like he was ready to go back to
sleep, right here, right now. Felix couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped his lips, a tender
smile forming on his mouth.

“Coffee?” he asked.

Hyunjin nodded in his arms, a low ‘umm’ coming out of his throat as a response. So Felix obliged,
grabbing a mug and filling it with the warm coffee he just made. Hyunjin only lifted his head back
up once the mug was placed in front of him on the table. He took the cup in both hands,
appreciating the warmth radiating from it and closed his eyes as he brought the liquid to his lips. It
took Felix all the strength he had to not stare. And it took even more strength not to whimper when
Hyunjin made a sound of appreciation, close to a moan, as the coffee slid down his throat. No
matter how innocent the reason was, that sound, in that mouth, was lewd.

Felix quickly retreated to the kitchen to get his blushing under control before Hyunjin could see
how red he had become and wonder what was wrong with him. When he came back after a few
deep breaths, Hyunjin still had the nose in his mug. Felix now understood what Chan meant when
he said the boy was hard to wake up. Apparently he also had a hard time staying awake once he
was up.

“Did I wake you?” Felix softly asked, a guilty pout on his lips. He had been in the kitchen a long
time doing various things. Maybe he had made too much noise despite how careful he had been.

“Um?” Hyunjin looked up at Felix, his eyes finally open for the first time since he sat down.
“Oh..” he shook his head to answer the question. “I smelled cake. That woke me up.” he then
explained.

“Oh, yeah, must be this..” Felix said, gesturing to the chocolate sweets. “Sorry if that woke you
up..” he added, feeling genuinely bad to have forced the other to wake up so early.

With a spatula, Felix started to transfer each little brownie cube into an empty plate in the middle of
the table, to make it easier for it to cool down, but also so that everyone could take a bite once the
cake wasn’t burning hot. He could hear Hyunjin slowly sipping on his coffee and Felix was way
too aware of the fact that it was only the two of them there.

The fact that he didn’t know Hyunjin was making him nervous. He was always nervous around
strangers, especially people he wanted or needed to know better. But to be honest, something made
him extra nervous around Hyunjin in particular. Maybe because he looked so untouchable,
unattainable. Or maybe because Felix’s mind was reacting a little too much to Hyunjin’s beauty
every time he was in front of him.

While he was putting the spatula back on the table, from the corner of his eye Felix noticed
Hyunjin’s hand reaching towards the plate full of brownies. His instinct reacted before his brain
and he slapped the hand away with a little frown between his eyebrows

“It’s still too hot, you’ll burn yourself.” he scolded him.

Hyunjin looked up at him, his lips slightly parted like he was shocked but Felix could swear he saw
the corner of his mouth twitch like he was trying not to smile and there was a glint of something in
his eyes. Or was he imagining this too?

“But it looks so yummy..” Hyunjin complained, tilting his head to the side. It seemed to be a habit
of his. His full lips were slightly pouting.

Except Hyunjin was still looking straight at him while saying that. Felix wasn’t one to usually turn
everything dirty in his mind but in this case, he couldn’t help himself. He was reaching, he knew it.
There was no way the other man meant anything by it but this beautiful face made Felix’s mind
run to weird places ever since last night. He needed to get a grip on himself.

Felix cleared his throat, averting his gaze and focusing on the brownies instead because he felt like
his face was going to turn bright red for the umpteenth time if he continued to look at Hyunjin.

“Later..” he said more shyly.

“That’s a promise..” Hyunjin answered with a smile in his voice. Felix tentatively looked up again
to see Hyunjin looking down at his mug, a smile on the corner of his lips. “Is there more coffee?”
he then asked, looking from his cup to Felix.

“Oh sure!”

Felix went to grab Hyunjin’s mug. His long hands were still wrapped around it and as he was
releasing it, Hyunjin and Felix’s fingers brushed. Felix’s eyes were glued to those long fingers and
he could feel that Hyunjin was looking too. But he knew that there was nothing behind it. So he
grabbed the mug and went to get a coffee refill, his heart beating a little too fast for comfort.

As he was walking back, he took a second to look at Hyunjin who was looking at his hands,
playing with his fingers. His tongue passed repeatedly on his bottom lip before he took it between
his teeth for a second, letting it go and repeating the process once more. Was there anything this
man did that didn’t make him look either ethereal or totally indecent? Felix started to believe that
the answer was a hard no.

He put the cup on the table, sliding it towards Hyunjin when he saw the other stroke his arm with
his hand, goosebumps forming on his flesh.

“Are you cold?” he asked with that shy smile of his.

Hyunjin looked up and smiled back.

“I’m fine.”

“Go put something on!” a strong voice echoed from the living room.

Felix had time to see Hyunjin slightly rolling his eyes before he himself looked up, a bright smile
illuminating his face even before Chan entered his field of vision. He walked towards them with as
much confidence as he always did. It had always impressed Felix how Chan seemed to own every
room he was standing in. He briefly patted Hyunjin on the head before looking up at Felix,
smiling.

“Is this brownie I smell?”

“It is, indeed.” Felix gestured towards the plate. “ It’s not… ” he started, but already Chan had
walked around the table, grabbed a brownie cube and plopped it in his mouth.

He regretted it immediately, opening his mouth to say “hot hot hot” over and over again while
fanning his tongue with his hand. Since Chan was now next to him Felix slapped him softly behind
the head for his stupidity.

“You deserved that!” he scolded in English. He then decided to switch to Korean. It was weird
talking to Chan in anything other than English but he didn’t want Hyunjin to feel left out. “I was
gonna say it’s not cooled down yet, you big idiot.”

“Worth it though!” Chan exclaimed, pulling Felix in a side hug. “Brownies for breakfast… I love
you sunshine!” he added, dramatically pressing a big kiss on Felix’s cheek.

Felix scrunched up his nose, his eyes half closed and the bright smile still ever present on his face
as a giggle escaped his lips from Chan’s behavior. He could feel Hyunjin’s eyes on them, but with
the kind of spectacle Chan was making it wasn’t weird.

“Yeah, yeah.. I know.” Felix laughed pushing Chan’s head away.

He used his fingers to quickly brush through Chan’s hair, putting them back in their place while
shaking his head, amused by his friend’s behavior. The sound of a chair scraping the floor echoed
in the room, quickly followed by Hyunjin’s voice.

“I’m gonna go change.” he stated, finishing his coffee in one gulp before putting the cup down and
disappearing from the room without saying anything else.

Chan didn’t take notice, going to get himself a cup of coffee. Hyunjin’s presence in the room was
replaced by someone else before Chan’s cup was even full. Minho appeared in the kitchen, making
a bee-line for the coffee pot. Like he did with Hyunjin, Chan patted Minho’s head when he passed
next to him. The other boy didn’t even acknowledge him, grabbing a mug and filling his cup in
silence.

“Minho can’t function without caffeine in the morning..” Chan explained in a whisper to Felix,
sitting down at the table.

“Who made the coffee?” Minho suddenly asked behind them.

Felix looked at him over his shoulder. He was looking back at them with a serious face.

“I did. Is it okay..?” Felix asked shyly. He was afraid to do something that would displease Minho,
especially since he seemed to be the least happy about him moving in.

Minho watched him in silence for a second. Felix had never found the topic of coffee so nerve
wracking before. The boy facing him took another sip of his cup before talking.

“... It’s good.” he stated.

He didn’t add anything, just drank some more, silently going to the table to sit in front of Chan who
was chuckling discreetly at the whole exchange. Felix decided to take this as a win and sat next to
Chan without trying to say anything more about it.

The three stayed in a comfortable silence for a while, both Chan and Minho drinking their coffee.
Once his cup was empty, Chan finally spoke up.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” he asked nobody in particular.

“Jisung and I.N are going to the hairdresser and I need to help Changbin practice his part in the last
song.” Minho answered, looking at his mug. “I don’t know about Hyunjin.” he then shrugged.
“What about you?” Chan asked, turning his head towards Felix.

“Um.. I didn’t think about it. Looking for a job or something, probably?” he answered, unsure.

Felix had just arrived in Korea, he had no experience working anywhere since his whole life had
been dedicated to studying and extracurricular activities and he didn’t really know what he wanted
to do with his life from now on. He didn’t even know where to start looking.

“I was thinking about hitting the dance studio, I’ve neglected my dance practice lately. Wanna
come with?” Chan suddenly offered, lifting an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m coming too!” a voice exclaimed from the living room.

Hyunjin arrived at the table, wearing black sweatpants, paired with a white hoodie, a black cap on
his head. Looking up at him, Felix could see that he was eyeing the plate of brownies. With a shy
but amused smile, Felix slid the plate towards him. Hyunjin looked at him like he was asking for
permission and Felix nodded. The tall one didn’t need to be told twice, he quickly grabbed a
brownie cube and plopped it in his mouth. He chewed for a second and.. there it was again. That
appreciative moan. The one that had too much of an effect on Felix.

As soon as he swallowed he took a second one and repeated the process, mouthing “too good…”
under his breath after the second moan. Felix knew he was probably staring and if his mouth
wasn’t agape it was a miracle. But he couldn’t help it.

“So… are you coming?” Chan’s voice brought him back to reality and he turned to watch him,
finding it safer than laying eyes on Hyunjin.

“Oh.. No. I don’t… I don’t dance..” he answered, nervously playing with his fingers.

He loved to dance, but he hadn’t done it seriously in years at this point and, to be honest, hearing
his parents say that he wasn’t any good and that there wasn’t any point in him continuing, over and
over, had made him believe they were right. So no matter how much he wanted to go, he would
only end up embarrassing himself, not only in front of Chan but Hyunjin too.

“Wha…” Chan started, looking him with big surprised eyes that quickly turned into a frown.

He seemed to have an inner monologue for a second and must’ve come to a realization because
soon his eyes became softer. Chan knew Felix and, most of all, he knew his parents, his situation.
He had met Felix’s parents a lot when they were younger, at a time where Felix still tried to rebel,
to do what he liked despite his parents' interdictions. He used to go dance and write music with
Chan or even dye his hair and pierce his ear, teenager stuff.

Chan was well aware of Felix’s love of dancing, he used to practice as much as he physically
could, creating choreographies from scratch in his basement at every time of the day or the night
when they were younger. So Felix wouldn’t be surprised if Chan had understood that the reason
Felix didn’t dance anymore was because of his family.

“Bullshit, you’re coming.” he stated. It wasn’t a question or even a suggestion, just a statement.

Minho and Hyunjin were both watching the exchange between the two friends. Minho’s expression
was as unbothered as always, but one of his eyebrows was slightly up, betraying the interest he had
in the situation. Hyunjin’s head was tilted to the side, his eyes darting from Felix to Chan and back,
slowly.

“Chris, I don’t think…” he started in English, even using Chan’s birth name to emphasize his point.
But Chan didn’t even let him finish his sentence.

“You are coming.” he said, his big brother mode on.

What followed was a staring contest between the two old friends, neither of them wanting to move
from their position. The scene must’ve been weird to witness for both Minho and Hyunjin since
Chan and Felix were staring in each other’s eyes, their arms crossed on their chests, both of them
frowning and unblinking. That is, until Felix broke first, blinking once to relieve his burning eyes.
Chan clapped his hands together with a big triumphant smile.

“Fine..” Felix sighed, shaking his head.

“Perfect! Go get ready and we’ll meet at the door in 15 minutes.”

And with that Chan got up, put his empty mug in the sink and left the room to go get ready
himself. Minho did the same not long after, taking a brownie cube on his way out. He was acting
like he was trying to be discreet and subtle about it, so Felix averted his eyes, acting like he didn’t
see anything even though Minho definitely wasn’t as discreet as he thought he was.

After another sigh, Felix got up too. He walked past Hyunjin, but before he could leave, he felt
long fingers wrap around his arm, stopping him. He was startled by it. He looked up at Hyunjin.

“Hey…” he said, looking at Felix, tilting his stupidly beautiful head to the side. He seemed to
think about what to say before opening his mouth. “You didn’t have to clean the room.”

“Is it a problem?” Felix asked, already feeling guilty again for doing something without asking for
permission beforehand. Sure, technically it was his room too now, but he just arrived and decided
to change how things worked right off the bat, surely it wasn’t pleasant for Hyunjin.

“No, no!” Hyunjin quickly rectified. He must have seen the change on Felix’s face. “It was.. really
sweet.” he smiled. A smile as soft as his lips seemed to be. “I just mean… You could’ve asked me
to do it. It was my mess.” he added, finally letting go of Felix’s arm.

“I don’t mind.” Felix shrugged.

Because he really didn’t. He liked cleaning and if it could make life easier for other people, he
would gladly do the work himself. He knew that if he stayed here looking at Hyunjin’s face for
longer, he would start thinking about stupid and useless things again so he offered him his
signature smile, small and shy.

“I’m gonna go change now.” he said with a little voice.

Hyunjin nodded, his eyes were still trained on the boy but his soft smile was not on his lips
anymore. Felix didn’t think much about it, leaving the room and regaining his bedroom to
rummage through his backpack and find a pair of sweatpants. He had enough to worry about with
the fact that he was heading straight to a dance studio after years with no practice. That alone was
enough to make him extremely nervous.

The change was quick since most of Felix’s outfit was already pretty good for dancing and he only
had to change his pants. Still, he ended up being the last one arriving at the entrance. He put on his
shoes under the gaze of Chan and Hyunjin and looked at his friend once he was ready to go.

Chan smiled, that bright, excited smile that Felix usually loved but now only made him more
anxious, and he opened the door.

“Let’s dance!” he exclaimed.

 She Looks Like You
Chapter Notes

I'm sorry this chapter is a little short. I'm not sure I'm completely happy with it but I
hope you like it nonetheless! ♥

Hopefully next chapter will have a lot of good Hyunlix moments, I may even make a
whole chapter with just the two of them... who knows? Look forward to it!

And OMG, we went past 500 kudos and straight to 600. I can't believe it. I didn't
expect that kind of response at ALL. Thank you so much for the love! ♥

According to Chan, the studio wasn’t that far by car, so they decided to drive there. Chan was
behind the wheel, Hyunjin next to him and Felix had taken a spot at the back. He was still sulking
and stressing about the whole thing, silently. A part of him was excited, just the idea of being able
to dance was exhilarating, but this small part was drowned under the pressure he was putting on
himself to do well, the fear of embarrassing himself, and the memories of every comment he ever
received from his parents about his dancing.

Hyunjin and Chan were having a very lively conversation in front but Felix had no idea what they
were even talking about, too lost in his own thoughts. He didn’t get much chance to continue to
sulk though as his phone started to go crazy in his pocket, vibrating non-stop. Since Chan and
Hyunjin were busy he didn’t feel bad taking a call discreetly in the back. He took his phone out and
looked at the caller ID. The name that popped up on screen didn’t surprise him. It was only a
matter of time after all.

He picked up, pressing the device to his ear.

“It’s a joke, right!?” the strong Australian accent resonated through the phone before Felix could
even say ‘Hello’.

Felix grunted, passing a lazy hand through his hair. He knew he wouldn’t be able to say anything
so he didn’t even try to answer that question, instead pinching the bridge of his nose between his
fingers. Still a little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“I came home from boarding school tonight and you were nowhere to be found! I mean, you’re a
real pain in the ass but getting thrown out? What did you do? And where are you anyway? Are you
eating enough? Lucas says you probably left to see Christopher. Are you really?” the voice went
on and on, not taking a second to take a break or let Felix answer any of the questions.

“Oli, slow down..” Felix finally chuckled, looking out the window. “It’s the middle of the night
back home, why are you up?”

“Don’t you dare play the big brother with me, Lee Felix!” Oli scolded through the phone. “I have
questions and they need answers!”.

“I am your brother though..” he pointed out, amused.

“I don’t want to hear it. Spill the tea. ”

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry I had to leave before saying goodbye… he started, biting his lower lip.
But he didn’t want to get sappy about it so he continued onto a topic he knew would grab his
sister’s attention. “And yes, I am with Christopher.”

On the other side of the phone, Fleix could hear a muffled shriek and he bit the inside of his cheek
not to laugh. Olivia, Felix’s little sister, had always had the hugest crush on Chan growing up. She
was probably as infatuated with him as Felix was back then, if not more, since she was only a
really young girl when Chan was around. What Felix didn’t notice was that both Chan and Hyunjin
stopped their conversation, now listening to whatever was happening in the back, to Felix talking
to whoever was on the line. Chan’s ears perked up at the mention of his name.

“You’re lying! Is he here with you!? Turn on facetime if you’re not a liar!” she almost screamed
excitedly through the phone.

Felix could easily see her, standing in her room; her arms flailing around, jumping on the spot. His
baby sister was a very passionate, excitable person. She had been a very energetic toddler and now,
at 15, she didn’t show any sign of calming any time soon.

“Is that Livie?” Chan asked over his shoulder.

His voice must’ve reached the phone because another shriek almost destroyed Felix’s ear drum.
He laughed softly and placed his phone in front of his face, pressing the button that turned on his
camera to indulge his sister, knowing he wouldn’t see the end of it otherwise.

Soon, Olivia’s small round face filled his screen. Her long black hair was falling around her pale,
freckled face. Her cheeks were flushed and she was slightly out of breath, proof that she had been
jumping around from the excitement. Chuckling, Felix moved himself on the backseat and leaned
enough to be almost between the two seats at the front, extending his arm in front of him so his
camera could pick up Chan. The older, turned his eyes briefly to the phone and smiled brightly at
Olivia before watching the road once more.

“You’re really here!” she exclaimed, pressing a hand on her mouth. She acted like she was seeing
her favorite idol every time Chan was around. “Ugh, I owe Lucas 10 bucks then…”

Chan and Felix exchange a little look from the corner of their eye, a knowing smile on both their
lips. Lucas was Chan’s little brother. He was roughly the same age as Olivia and as Felix used to
spend most of his free time with Chan, Olivia was around Lucas a lot too growing up. For the
longest time she would act disgusted and shocked every time the idea of them being an item was
even approached. But lately Felix noticed she was mentioning him a lot and spending more time
with him than she usually would.

“I can’t believe you’re here! I hope my brother isn’t a pain. You can kick him if he is, that’s okay. I
give you permission! Plus Lucas says you’re super busy and all so don’t let Felix bother you. He
always bothers me so I know what it’s like, you know?...” Olivia was going on and on, in her own
world, letting no time for either Chan or him to actually participate in her monologue.

Hyunjin, probably curious about what was going on, tilted his head to the side to see the phone,
and Olivia, too. In this position, the tip of his long hair was brushing against Felix’s arm and even
against his cheek a bit and Hyunjin’s head was so close that he could’ve easily put it on Felix’s
shoulder. But by putting himself in that position, he now appeared on Felix’s screen with Chan and
Felix, instead of being invisible, to the side, like he was before.

Felix watched him from the corner of his eye and felt his breath itch when he noticed how close
the other actually was. He licked his dry lips, turning his attention back to the phone, trying not to
notice the warmth of Hyunjin next to him. As soon as Olivia looked at her screen and noticed the
new addition to the trio, she stopped dead in her speech. She was watching Hyunjin with big eyes,
her lips parted for a second before finally speaking again.

“Who is that? He’s so beautiful... she started almost to herself before pulling her camera closer to
her face. “Hey, you look like a prince. Do you wanna be my future husband?” she asked, not a hint
of hesitation in her voice.

No, Olivia wasn’t as shy as her big brother was. But Felix, hearing that, was mortified and could
already feel his cheeks flush. Next to him Chan, opened his mouth with a shocked expression,
placing one hand on his heart like he was hurt. He knew about Olivia’s crush on him but the girl
was now completely ignoring him and switching his interest to Hyunjin.

“Olivia!” Felix whined, feeling more embarrassed about it than she did.

“What did she say?” Hyunjin asked, turning his head to Felix, probably curious about the reaction
both him and Chan had to whatever Olivia had said, in English.

“She said..” Felix started, looking towards Chan hoping he would be the one answering this
question. But his friend was now silently laughing, his shoulders shaking while he was focusing on
the road. “She said that you… you’re as beautiful as a prince. And she wants to marry you.” he
finally explained in Korean, shyly, looking away.

Felix could feel Hyunjin’s eyes on him but he refused to look back, too embarrassed to have said
something like that to him, even though he was only relaying his sister’s words. The fact that he,
himself, had thought about how beautiful Hyunjin was multiple time made it even worse. After a
second, the tall boy turned back towards the screen. He smiled and waved.

“Hello, I’m Hyunjin. You very cute also! ” he said in broken English, his thick Korean accent was
way too cute to Felix who couldn’t help but look at him through the screen.

He formed a little heart with his fingers and showed it to Olivia who was now as red as Felix
usually was, and giggling like a schoolgirl. Chan was almost crying in laughter next to them at this
point. Still he managed to gesture to Felix that they were arriving soon.

“Listen Oli, we need to go, but I’ll call you soon to explain everything alright? Now go to bed, will
you? Felix said, taking back his big brother role for a second.

“You’re not my mom! Olivia pouted.”Bye bye Chris!” she then announced, waving at the screen.

“Go to bed soon Olivia. Bye!” he answered.

“Yes! I will!” she smiled brightly. “Hyunjin I love you! Bye bye! ” she then almost screamed at the
screen.

Hyunjin waved with a smile and the screen went black. With a long heavy sigh, Felix let himself
fall back in his seat, putting his phone back in his pocket.

“Well, she hasn’t changed a bit.” Chan laughed softly, turning the wheel and maneuvering to park
the car.

They all waited for the car to come to a stop and went out. A big building was towering over them
with the logo of a dance studio on the glass doors. Felix looked up at the building with a sense of
nervousness and anticipation. Thanks to his sister’s phone call, he hadn’t been anxious at all during
the car ride and now that he was actually here, the excitation was starting to overtake the fear.

“That was your sister?” he heard Hyunjin ask next to him. He turned his head and nodded as a
response. Hyunjin tilted his head, looking intently at Felix’s face and offered him a smile Felix
wasn’t sure how to interpret. “She looks a lot like you.”

And with that said, Hyunjin simply walked away and disappeared inside the building letting Felix
with his thoughts. He couldn’t help but think about the fact that, only a few minutes before,
Hyunjin had called Olivia “cute”. Did that mean he was thinking the same thing about Felix? No,
he said that to be nice and saying that his sister looked like him was a simple observation. Nothing
to decode behind that.

Fortunately, Felix was saved from his spiraling thoughts by Chan who wrapped an arm around his
frail shoulders and smiled brightly at him. Without a word, his friend then dragged him towards
the dance studio.

On their small walk inside the building, up a flight of stairs and to a door down a corridor, Chan
had explained to Felix that he and the boys were renting a space here so they could use it whenever
they wanted. The news surprised Felix. He knew Chan liked to dance and so did Hyunjin from
what he heard, but he had no idea the other members danced too. Felix was aware of the fact that,
according to Chan, all the roommates were part of a band together but Felix never knew what it
was that they actually did. He didn’t even hear any of their songs yet. And he especially didn’t
think that dancing was part of it too.

Chan pushed the door and inside, the lights were on and Hyunjin was already stretching. He had
discarded his hoodie in a corner of the room and, with his eyes closed, he was stretching his arms
above his head, loosely relaxing his neck by turning it to the right and to the left in slow
movements. As always, Felix’s eyes were drawn to the boy.

“...way too much.” Chan’s voice finally registered to his ear. Felix realized his friend had been
saying something but he had been too absorbed in each slow movement Hyunjin was making to
focus on anything else.

“Uh?” he asked, blinking and turning his head towards Chan.

His friend had one eyebrow up and a little smile on the corner of his mouth. Felix wasn’t sure what
this expression meant but Chan looked vaguely amused by something. Chan shook his head, still
smiling.

“I was just saying, let’s have fun.” he winked, giving Felix a firm tap in the back before getting
inside the room himself and joining Hyunjin.

Felix followed suit but stayed close to the wall, whereas Hyunjin and Chan were now chatting in
the middle of the room, in front of a wall of mirrors.

“What did you want to practice anyway?” Hyunjin asked, his arms finally falling back on each side
of his body.

“Um.. What about the Back Door one. Minho told me you added a new part to it?” Chan answered
after a second, receiving an enthusiastic nod from Hyunjin.
For a while, the two seemed to forget about Felix, which was perfectly fine by him. He sat in the
corner of the room, on the floor and was more than happy to simply observe. And he wasn’t
disappointed.

Hyunjin put on some music and started by showing to Chan what the new part in the choreography
was. If Felix didn’t already find Hyunjin insanely attractive, there was no way around it now. As
soon as the music was on, Hyunjin’s body seemed to vibe in sync with it, like the rhythm was
flowing straight into his veins. It was a beautiful thing to witness. Before he even made a move, he
seemed to breathe music. But then he actually started to dance and Felix’s world exploded.

Every move seemed so loose, so free and still so precise, so sharp. Every inch of his long body was
used to perfection from start to finish. He knew the choreography like the back of his hand and
there was no denying that he was insanely talented. Maybe the most talented dancer Felix had
encountered. But what floored Felix more than anything, was how much Hyunjin seemed to love
every single second of what he was doing. It was so powerful that Felix could feel it, just watching
him.

His face changed when he danced too. Hyunjin’s face was gorgeous, Felix didn’t even try to lie to
himself about it anymore. But he had this sort of cuteness to him in a normal setting. Not anymore.
His expression was powerful, dangerous. Intense was the best word to describe it. When some
lyrics came on, he mouthed them, doing all sorts of expressions with his face, that had Felix’s head
spinning every single time. The duality was almost impossible to comprehend.

Felix found himself sweating just because of the roller coaster that watching Hyunjin dance made
him go through. And still his eyes were glued to him. He had a presence, a charisma that Felix
couldn’t pry away from. He was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open too and he would’ve been
embarrassed about it, had he not been so entranced by Hyunjin’s body moving to the beat.

Fortunately for the sake of Felix’s heart, the music stopped and Hyunjin, still slightly out of breath,
started to chat with Chan once more, explaining some of the moves and then showing them one by
one, as slowly as possible until Chan was able to reproduce them. Felix then realized that not only
was Hyunjin an incredible dancer, but he also seemed to be a really competent teacher.

Minutes flew by during which Chan was following Hyunjin’s lead, sometimes picking up new
moves quickly, other times struggling on some parts. They were both so focused on their practice
that Chan didn’t notice his phone buzzing for a full minute. Only when the phone buzzed in his
pocket a second time did he finally stop his dancing, gesturing to Hyunjin to stop the music before
picking up the call.

“Um um… Really? That’s weird… Yeah sure.. On my way.” Chan said, nodding at each response
he heard through his phone.

He then hung up and sighed, passing one hand through his hair with slight concern showing on his
face.

“There’s an issue with the upload for the SKZ channel so Seungmin is panicking. I need to go fix
that before this afternoon.” he announced.

Felix had absolutely no idea what any of that meant but Hyunjin seemed to understand since he bit
his lip, nodding at Chan.

“Do we need to get back then?” Felix asked, getting up from the floor.

Chan walked to him, smiling softly and shaking his head.

“I do. But you can stay.” he said. Felix was about to argue but Chan spoke first, putting his hands
on Felix’s shoulders. “Stay and dance a bit… Please?”

The look in his eyes was so tender. There was no doubt that Chan knew how much Felix was
missing dancing. And even though he wasn’t too comfortable being without Chan he couldn’t say
no; Not when Chan was looking out for him that way, and giving him that kind of look, that kind of
smile. So Felix didn’t say anything to argue and just nodded.

Chan seemed relieved by Felix’s obedience. He was probably worried that he had forced Felix into
coming here and that the other boy wasn’t comfortable with it. And in a way he had, but simply
because Felix was too stubborn to admit that he really, really wanted to dance despite everything.
And Chan always knew that, sometimes, Felix simply needed a little push in the right direction.

Without saying anything else, Chan hugged him quickly, gave him a pat on the head and gestured
to Hyunjin before simply leaving the room. And once more, Felix was left alone in a room, with
only Hyunjin for company.
 Can You Teach Me?
Chapter Notes

I'm back.. Back again! With some Hyunlix vibes, no less!

I felt like y'all deserved two chapters today, since it's New Year's Eve and all! Plus I
was pretty inspired and wanted to write, so might as well share! And I wanted to thank
you for all the love too! ♥

Anyway, I hope you're all having a really good New Year's Eve. And I wish for you to
have an amazing year to come. I hope you beautiful people know that you deserve all
the best! And if I could give you all a Chan-hug, then I would! ♥

“Do you want to?” Hyunjin’s voice asked from behind Felix, who was watching the door through
which Chan just disappeared.

He had no idea why he was so nervous to be one on one with Hyunjin. But he was. He turned to
watch the other nonetheless, trying not to show his anxiety. He could put it all on the fact that he
was simply not comfortable with people he didn’t know well enough, and in a sense that was true.
But there was something more, something he felt only when it was Hyunjin that was facing him.

Felix didn’t have a crush. Because it was impossible to form these kinds of feelings in less than
two days, especially with how little the two had actually talked. But Hyunjin was totally different
from anyone he had ever met before. He was more beautiful, more passionate, more talented, than
almost anyone that had ever crossed his path. So, obviously, this left an imprint on Felix’s brain.
Surely it was all it was.

“Want to what?” he asked, slightly confused as to what Hyunjin was referring to.

“Dance?” the tall one gestured towards the rest of the room. “You don’t have to though..” he
quickly added.

He couldn’t blame Hyunjin for thinking that he might not be into the idea. After all, Chan had to
fight him only to bring him here at first, since he had refused the offer in the first place. But he was
here now and Chan’s plea for him to try and dance a little bit, to loosen up, made him want to
make an effort, to shut his brain for a second and just do what his guts told him for once.

“No, no.. I want to.” he said. “Just don’t make fun of me, okay?” his shy smile was back on.

Hyunjin shook his head softly, a pout on his lips, hiding a small smile as he gestured towards the
room once more. It was his way of saying ‘the floor is all yours’. Felix nodded a thanks. He took
off his sweater, knowing he would probably be too hot after the first few movements. After putting
it in the corner, where Hyunjin’s hoodie was already laying, he went to face the mirrors, slightly
stretching his arms on each side.

His heart was hammering in his chest from the anticipation of dancing again as well as the pressure
of not making a fool of himself in front of Hyunjin. After he saw what the other man was capable
of, he knew he was on a totally different level and so it made Felix want to do as good as possible.
But he also knew that he needed to do it now or he would chicken out, because the nerves were
already starting to get to him.

“Is there any song you want in particular?” Hyunjin asked. Felix noticed that he sat in front of the
wall of mirrors and had his phone in his hand, ready to pick a song.

“What you had on before is good.”

The blond raised an eyebrow, probably surprised and intrigued by this choice but he didn’t say
anything. Felix had watched Hyunjin teaching Chan the moves for around 30 minutes earlier. He
hadn’t tried them himself but Felix was a real sponge when it came to this kind of things. Even
though he wasn’t confident about his skills, thinking he might be more than rusty after all this time,
he was at least confident about the fact that he had memorized everything that he had seen the
other two doing since they got here. He wanted to try his hand at it.

The music started to echo in the room and Felix closed his eyes, trying to put himself in the right
space of mind and to feel the music like he used to. He let the rhythm flow through his body and
soon he felt tingles in his belly, like an itch, an urge to express himself through the music. It had
been a long time since he let himself satisfy this urge. But today was a good day to start doing it
again.

He opened his eyes on beat, just as the first movement started. He wasn’t watching Hyunjin in
front of him, he wasn’t even looking at himself in the mirror. He was staring inside his own little
world. And to his great pleasure, his body slid, turned and moved smoothly, every new move
feeling like a new lock shattering in his mind. Every new beat like a nasty comment disappearing
from his memory, every step like a doubt or a fear finally letting go of the hold they had on him.

He had been told in the past, by Chan especially, that he looked like a totally different person when
he danced. He had never noticed it himself because he was always too busy giving it his all, feeling
the music, living the moment. But even though Felix was blissfully unaware of it, Chan was right.
Naturally Felix was a bubbly, bright person. Cuddly, cute, extremely loving and attentive.
Obviously shy around everyone that wasn’t a close friend of his. He was like a really sensitive and
clingy kid. When he was dancing though.. He was something else.

The look on his eyes was determined, hypnotizing. An aura of intensity was surrounding him in
every move he made. His face was as expressive as ever, but instead of serving cheeky smiles, he
was giving glares, snears, anything that suited the music, the song and the overall feel of the
choreography. He looked somewhat dangerous, somewhat sexy. He looked intense. It was exactly
what he had admired in Hyunjin minutes earlier and he had no idea he was radiating the same
thing.

Step after step, beat after beat, Felix reproduced the moves he had seen Hyunjin make, in his own
way, adding his own flare to it. And it felt good, so good, better than anything Felix felt in a really
long time. So much so that when the music stopped, he felt almost sad about it. He hadn’t seen the
seconds fly by and he wanted more. But he was already panting. He was definitely not used to
dancing anymore, even though nobody would’ve guessed with the performance he just gave.

Finally, with the music off and the choreography finished, he came back to reality, daring to glance
towards Hyunjin, scared to see a disappointed expression on his face. Or worse, a mocking one.
Hyunjin’s face showed neither however.

He was staring at Felix without even trying to hide it. His lips were parted. Felix didn’t know if his
expression was surprised, or something else. He was playing with his bottom lip with the tip of his
thumb, rubbing it over the pink skin of his plump lips again and again. But he didn’t seem to be
doing it consciously. It took him a second to realize Felix had stopped moving and was now
looking back at him. And when he noticed, he blinked a few times before clearing his throat,
taking his cap off his head to pass a hand through his long strands before putting the hat back on.

“You…” he cleared his throat once more. “You said you didn’t dance..” he seemed dumbfounded.

“Well technically I don’t… anymore.” Felix said, a shy giggle escaping his lips as he scratched the
back of his head. “It probably looked pretty bad, I’m sorry.” he added.

He made his way to the wall against which Hyunjin was sitting and lowered himself to the floor
too, sitting next to the other man, his back against the wall, waiting for his breathing to get back
under control.

“Bad?” Hyunjin asked, watching Felix walk towards him. And when he was finally seated, a laugh
escaped his throat. “That wasn’t bad at all, far from it!” he exclaimed, shaking his head.

Hearing that warmed Felix from the inside. He was used to hearing that his dancing was no good,
that he was wasting his time, that putting all this effort in dancing was useless. So this simple
compliment was more impactful to him than anything else. And the fact that it came from Hyunjin
made it even more special, since the man was an amazing dancer himself.

“Really?” Felix asked, biting his lower lip, having a hard time simply accepting a compliment. He
didn’t have enough self-confidence for it.

Hyunjin nodded and the look in his eyes made Felix believe that he was being genuine and wasn’t
simply saying that to be polite or not to hurt his feelings. So, suddenly, the small blond felt his
cheeks burn furiously and he had no doubt that his face probably was a deep shade of pink now
instead of it’s natural hue. He looked away, embarrassed and shy.

“You are amazing too Hyunjin..” Felix stated bashfully, under his breath, finding a sudden interest
in the floor, not wanting to look back up. “I was really surprised.”

“You think so?” he could hear a smile in Hyunjin’s voice and he simply nodded in response, still
not looking his way, his face hot. “Thanks.”

After that a long silence ensued. It was a little awkward, Felix knew it, and his mind was running
to find something, anything to talk about. He really wanted to learn to know the other one, he was
just really bad at those things. Fortunately Hyunjin was quicker than him to come up with
something to say.

“Hey, sorry again for the room..” he said softly.

“I already said I didn’t mind.” Felix finally turned back his eyes towards Hyunjin who was looking
at his hands, playing with his long fingers.

“I know but.. “ Hyunjin shrugged. “When Chan said we were gonna be bunkmates, I wanted to
help you get situated. At least lend you sheets and all that. But… I fell asleep” he pouted, he
seemed really bothered by that fact. He let out a little chuckle anyways. “Fortunately Minho beat
me to it.” he shrugged again.

“What do you mean?” Felix frowned, confused.

“The sheets, on your bed..” the tall blond turned his head towards Felix, tilting it to the side as he
always did. “They’re Minho’s.”

“Uh..” Now Felix was even more confused. He was sure either Chan or maybe Seungmin had
brought the sheets to his room. And if he had to exclude one person he was sure didn’t do it, it
would’ve been Minho. After all, the boy had been pretty cold to him ever since he showed up,
which was understandable given the fact that he was invading their home, but still. “You’re
sure..?” he still asked, having a hard time believing it.

“Yeah.” Hyunjin laughed softly, nodding his head. “I’ve been living with the guy for 2 years, I
should know.” he added, amused. “It’s typical Lino, he’s such a softy.”

The look on Felix’s face must have betrayed the fact that he found this very hard to believe because
Hyunjin burst out in laughter again. ‘Soft’ and ‘Minho’ weren’t two terms he would’ve associated
right off the bat. Fair enough, he didn’t really know Minho, but the boy gave him cold, unbothered
vibes more than soft, tender ones if he had to be honest.

“You’ll see.” he declared, still laughter in his voice. “It’s not my place to say, but Minho had it
rough. So it takes time for him to let people in.” he explained without being asked anything, a
tender look in his eyes. It was clearer and clearer by the day that all those boys really cared for one
another deeply. “He was the last stray to join us too. At first he was really standoff-ish with all of
us. Jisung managed to break his shell but for the longest time he was the only one Minho showed
any kind of affection to, really.” he chuckled lovingly at the memory. “That didn’t change much
honestly. But this idiot always does things his way. He may bully you in your face and then do
something super sweet for you without ever telling you it came from him.” he shrugged, a smile on
his lips. “So, judging by the sheets… I’d say he likes you.”

It was weird to hear all of that about Minho when his brief experience with the other boy was
completely different to what Hyunjin was telling him. Or was it? Felix was replaying his
interactions with Minho in his head and suddenly, he could picture it. The way Minho had
complimented the coffee despite his annoyed face, and how he tried to discreetly take a brownie
without being seen. Maybe Hyunjin was right and Minho was a softy after all. It made Felix
slightly smile for some reason. But something else in Hyunjin’s speech had bothered him. It was
something he heard Minho say before too and he was intrigued by it.

“Why are you calling him a stray? Isn’t it a bit… mean?” he asked, nervously biting his lower lip
for being so forward and asking what was on his mind.

“Well.. that’s what we are.” Hyunjin shrugged but that tender smile he had when talking about his
friends was still firmly on his lips. “All of us.. We’re the strays Chan picked up along the way.” he
snorted “Stray Kids. Fitting, isn’t it?”

Felix still wasn’t understanding. To him calling someone a ‘stray’ was usually done with a
negative connotation but judging by the way Hyunjin was talking about it, there was no malice
behind it and Felix wasn’t sure he could really get the meaning behind his words. But he wanted to
understand.

“Stray Kids?”

“Yeah, that’s the name of our band.. You didn’t know?” Felix shook his head. But it made a lot
more sense now. He still didn’t understand why Hyunjin said they were all ‘strays that Chan
picked up along the way’ but at least the fact that he used the term so lovingly made sense to him.
“I thought Chan would’ve told you.” Hyunjin continued, raising an eyebrow. “You two seem…
close.”
He had paused before the last word, tilting his head some more to the side, a little pout on his lips
instead of the smile he was arborring a second ago. But Felix didn’t find the hesitation weird. He
was aware that not all friends were as tactile and affectionate with each other as Chan and him
were. That was weird for some people.

“I guess we are..” he smiled, looking down at his small fingers. “We’ve known each other for
years and… I guess that shows when we’re together.” he chuckled shyly. “And.. Well, I’m a
very… touchy person.” he admitted, blushing once more just by saying it out loud. “So hugging
people like that all the time is pretty normal to me..” he still continued, despite his embarrassment.

“It seems like you’re only that way with Channie though.” Hyunjin stated. Felix could feel his eyes
boring into him and he looked up to meet his dark pupils.

“Not really… It’s just that I only met all of you so I don’t think it’s very appropriate for me to do
that sort of thing with anyone else.. For now.” he nodded, still torturing his bottom lip with his
teeth once he was done speaking.

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. We’re all like that in the house.” he said with a little
shrug. “Me, especially.” he added, the corner of his lips slightly tilting up.

There was something in his eyes, like a message he wanted Felix to decode, but Felix didn’t want
his mind to play tricks on him again. He had the feeling Hyunjin was hinting at the fact that it was
okay for him to be tactile with him.

On one hand, Felix would love that. Not only because he was who he was, and was craving
physical contact with anyone and everyone. But also because Hyunjin’s skin appeared to be so
smooth, his hair looked so soft and his arms, finely toned, seemed perfect for cuddles. Felix felt
ashamed for having such thoughts about the other boy once more, but those were facts he couldn’t
deny. Then again, he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Maybe Hyunjin wasn’t actually asking
for his affection, no matter how nice it would be if he did.

So Felix simply nodded to the tall boy’s words. He would have all the time in the world later to
ponder over the meaning behind them.

“Anyway.. Should we dance?” Hyunjin asked, suddenly getting up from his spot and dusting off
his pants.

Felix looked up at him. In this position, with him on the floor and the other blond up in front of
him, he was really towering over him. At his question, he felt the need to see Hyunjin dance again,
just to feel all those emotions that he was able to convey through his dancing, to be able to admire
that duality that fascinated him.

“Show me something.” he said, giving him his small signature smile.

Hyunjin answered with a radiant smile and grabbed his phone, putting on a new song before
jogging to the middle of the room.

The choreography was slower than the one before. More sensual and meticulous, but still as
powerful. Hyunjin embodied everything about this song and about this dance. He was graceful,
intense and, Felix felt hot just thinking about it, but Hyunjin was also sexy. The choreography was
masterfully created, using all the space in the practice room, every movement hitting right on each
beat of the song. Hyunjin’s face was sereine, he was deep in his own world and it was beautiful,
ethereal.

Felix was hypnotized, following every tiny move eagerly, all the emotions of the choreography
washing over him. The dancer was even more skilled, more impressive that Felix had first thought,
if it was even possible. And this choreography in particular, was perfect to show the diversity he
was capable of, to show how perfectly the boy could use and master his own body. In Felix’s eye,
this was a true masterpiece.

When the music stopped, he had goosebumps all over his arms and couldn’t help but clap for the
performance he had witnessed. Hyunjin laughed softly, doing a little bow in front of him.

“Did you like it?” Hyunjin still asked, despite how obvious the answer was.

Felix nodded immediately, no reflection needed.

“Can you teach me?” he heard himself ask before he could even think about it.

Felix bit his lip, a little self-conscious about seeming so eager. But it seemed to please Hyunjin
who raised his hand towards him and gestured to him to come closer by waving two fingers.
Getting up, Felix obediently obliged.
 Come Here, Baby.
Chapter Notes

Sorry there wasn't an upload yesterday, I was a little down so I didn't manage to get a
whole chapter written, but I hope this one was worth the wait though!

And OMG, we hit 1000 hits and 100 kudos, are you people INSANE? Thank you so
much!! ♥

Quickly, Felix started to rethink whether having Hyunjin teach him that kind of choreography was
really a good idea. After showing him a few moves and having Felix mimic them, the tall boy was
now behind Felix, wanting to fix his posture for a certain step in the routine.

He started with Felix’s small shoulders, tilting them slightly to the side before running his hands
down. The tip of his fingers was always brushing against Felix's body one way or another until he
reached his narrow hips. Hyunjin’s hands were so big, his fingers so long that he could easily
clutch Felix’s sides. His grip was tight, so tight that Felix could feel it through his clothes, the
sensation being the only thing his mind could focus on. Slowly, Hyunjin made Felix shift his hips
slightly to the side.

He was so close, his chest was almost pressed against Felix’s back, and the blond could feel his hot
breath on his neck, making him almost shiver.

“How does it feel? Better?” Hyunjin asked.

His voice seemed different, strange, his pitch lower. But Felix couldn’t make sure since he couldn’t
see the other’s face in that position. That tone, so close to his ear, almost forced him to close his
eyes and enjoy it. It took a lot of inner strength not to actually do it.

Felix knew he was talking about the position, asking if he could feel the difference with the
changes he just made. But for a second this fact went over his head because all he could feel right
now was Hyunjin’s hands on him and how close his body was to his and, he had to admit, it felt
really good. Maybe too good. Felix didn’t want to let himself think about those kinds of things
about Hyunjin. Not when he barely knew him. Not when they were living together. Especially not
when the two of them would share a room for who knows how long.

He nodded his answer, having a hard time finding his voice. He looked up and caught their
reflection in the mirrors. He had completely forgotten that those were here, but apparently Hyunjin
hadn’t because when Felix looked up, he caught Hyunjin’s eyes staring at the reflective surface.
There was nothing that Felix could do but to stare back. Because seeing them together, the position
they were in, Hyunjin’s hands on him, the look on the tall blond’s eyes and his lips slightly parted..
For some reason it looked nothing short of sinful to Felix.

“Good.” Hyunjin almost whispered, the corner of his lips tilting up in a smirk that Felix would’ve
described as sensual if he wasn’t forbidding himself to think about it this way. The boy was
looking straight into Felix’s eyes through the glass. “Try again then.” he added.

And, in a blink, his hands, his warmth was gone and he backed up a few steps to give Felix the
space to practice what Hyunjin just showed him. It took a second for Felix to actually oblige, still
taken aback by the whole thing. But surely once again his mind had spun and spun for nothing
because Hyunjin didn’t seem bothered or affected in any way now that he was looking at him,
waiting for him to repeat the moves, his hands in his pockets.

It shouldn’t have but, for a second, it made Felix feel a pinch in his heart. He suddenly felt stupid
for everything he had felt, everything that ran through his mind when Hyunjin’s hands were on
him. But he mentally put all of that on the fact that he was touched deprived and that his body was
simply responding in a natural, biological way to his needs. Those were words he was always
saying to himself during the time when he was desperately infatuated with Chan in their younger
years. And this situation was no different, at the exception that he didn’t spend months or years
alongside Hyunjin, simply hours at most.

Dancing helped him bury his useless thoughts in the back of his mind and forget about the whole
situation altogether. It had always been a way for him to exteriorize his mental struggles after all.
So he gave it his all, going 100%. And Hyunjin was matching his energy. The two were going so
hard that they didn’t utter a single word to each other for the longest time, barely taking any break
to catch their breath or to drink some water. Felix knew why he was pushing himself so hard but he
didn’t understand why Hyunjin was just as determined as he was to continue dancing until he
couldn’t go on anymore. And he didn’t care. Felix needed this and that was all that mattered at this
second.

When they finally both dropped to the floor, they were absolutely drenched in sweat and were
having a hard time breathing, their gasps for air the only sound in the practice room for a few
minutes. What they didn’t realize, so absorbed in dancing, like their life depended on it, was how
much time had passed. When Felix’s stomach rumbled, he wondered if it was maybe close to lunch
time. Grabbing his phone in his pocket, he was assaulted by dozens of notifications as soon as he
looked at it. All of them coming from Chan. And when he glanced at the time, he understood why
his friend had sent so many messages.

“It’s 3pm!” he exclaimed loudly.

They arrived at the dance studio at around 9am. Felix couldn’t believe how he didn’t realize that
half the day had gone by while he was dancing with Hyunjin.

“Uhoh… Channie blew up my phone..” Hyunjin answered after grabbing his own phone to confirm
what Felix had just told him.

“Yeah mine too.. We’re so dead..” Felix sighed, letting his back and head fall back on the floor.

“Should we go then?” Hyunjin chuckled.

There was rustling behind Felix, probably from Hyunjin getting up from the floor and walking
towards him since soon enough, he appeared above Felix, who was lying on the floor, watching
the ceiling. Hyunjin extended his hand to the other boy, slightly wiggling his fingers to gesture
Felix to take his hand.

“You’re probably starving.” he stated, looking down at him. And, like to emphasize his words,
Hyunjin’s stomach growled too.

Felix giggled softly and accepted the hand he was offered. But he was careful to look away as
Hyunjin pulled him up and to take a quick step back once he was on his feet, to not stand too close
to the tall blond. He let go of his hand as quickly as possible too. He was over what had happened
earlier, but he didn’t want a repeat of it. He felt stupid enough, he didn’t want to put himself
through that again, to let his mind wander uselessly because Hyunjin was touching him.

“Let’s go.” he simply stated, looking at the door.

Hyunjin only answered with a low “umm”. Felix could feel his eyes on him for a second and went
to grab his hoodie from the corner of the room to escape it. Hyunjin did the same and they left the
room in an awkward silence. Maybe Felix wasn’t over what had happened in the end.

Since Chan had taken the car to go back to the house this morning, Felix and Hyunjin had to take a
cab. And in the car, the awkwardness was ever present. Felix was struggling not to glance towards
Hyunjin who was alternating between staring at Felix’s side profile from the corner of his eye and
intently watching the scenery through the window with a slight frown between his eyebrows.

It was during one of those times that Felix finally broke down and looked at him. He was staring
through the glass, his tongue sliding on his bottom lip every other minute. He looked annoyed, or
maybe bored, Felix couldn’t tell. But he felt bad, sensing that it had something to do with him, one
way or another. Maybe he hadn’t been really fair with him, avoiding to even talk to him.

“So..” Felix started, feeling the need to break the silence. “Does everyone at the house dance like
you?” he asked, feigning to watch outside instead of looking at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin shifted in his seat to look at Felix and even though his eyes were averted Felix could tell
that Hyunjin was running his eyes up and down his face. He could even imagine his head being
tilted just a bit, like he always does.

“Not “like me” no. But we all dance. “ he shrugged. “Minho is the only one who is as obsessed
with it as I am though. He really is the most talented of us all.” he nodded to himself. “Way better
than me. I’m a little jealous, honestly.” he then chuckled, crossing his arms on his chest.

“I have a hard time believing that..” Felix mumbled without thinking, his eyes still glued to the
scenery.

“What do you mean?”

“Well..” Felix cursed himself for not being able to control that stupid mouth of his. “I’ve never
seen anyone dance like you before.” he tried to explain. “Everything you do seems effortless. And
when you dance you’re really… intense.” he finished, feeling his cheeks burn.

“Intense, uh?” Hyunjin asked. There was a pause before Hyunjin spoke again. “You haven’t seen
anything yet then, baby.”

‘baby’? The simple word sent shivers through Felix’s whole body. He could hear the smirk in
Hyunjin’s voice as he said it and understood that the boy was probably trying to mess with him and
make fun of him. He knew Felix was shy and maybe he had picked up on the way he reacted to
him and decided to tease him a little bit about it; Or maybe he was just calling everyone that and
Felix shouldn’t see anything into it. Hyunjin laughed softly next to him and Felix’s face turned
absolutely bright red as he pressed his forehead to the cool glass, wishing to simply disappear.

The conversation died for the rest of the cab ride, but Hyunjin seemed in a way better mood than
before, softly humming whatever was on the radio. Fortunately it took the cab only 10 minutes to
drop them off at the house. As soon as possible, Felix jumped out of the car and followed Hyunjin
to the door.

“I’m gonna take a shower first. Go get some food in you.” Hyunjin announced as they were both
entering the house.

Felix simply nodded but before he could walk away, Hyunjin’s voice echoed again in the entrance.

“Hey.. Don’t be so nervous around me.” he said, tilting his head. Felix had to look up to be able to
see his face. “You can treat me like you do Channie. So, relax, okay?”

At that, he winked and disappeared in the staircase. Once he was away Felix sighed loudly,
rubbing his hand on his face. What was wrong with him? Clearly Hyunjin had sensed how nervous
and standoff-ish Felix had been on the way back and Felix didn’t want to make him feel that way;
He wanted to be close to Hyunjin. The problem was that he was starting to want it a little too much
and a little too quickly. And he didn’t want to get the wrong idea.

He sighed again before his stomach growled once more and he decided to make his way to the
kitchen. In the living room he found only Jisung and Minho on the couch. A horror movie was
playing on the TV. Jisung was pointing a camera at his own face, talking to it excitedly while
Minho was trying to focus on the TV, rolling his eyes at whatever Jisung was saying. But there
still was a smirk on his lips. Jisung even managed to get a giggle out of him as Felix was walking
across the room, trying not to bother them.

“Brownie boy, brownie boy!” Jisung’s voice suddenly exclaimed.

Felix turned his head towards him and smiled shyly, giving both men a little wave. Jisung’s camera
was still focused on himself, but he was now looking towards Felix with a big friendly smile.
That’s when Felix noticed that Jisung’s hair went from the deep brown it was before, to a very light
brown, almost dirty blond. He remembered Minho saying that both Jisung and I.N had an
appointment to the hairdresser today. He mentally noted that this color looked good on him. Minho
was feigning to stay focused on the movie but Felix could see him watching him from the corner of
his eye too.

“Thanks for the cake, bro. You’re the man!” Jisung put his thumb up in Felix’s direction.

Felix softly laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re welcome.”

And then Jisung quickly went back to talk to his camera for a reason that totally escaped Felix. He
didn’t stick around to try and understand it though, making his way to the kitchen and rummaging
through the fridge to fix himself some much needed food.

He took out enough ingredients to make two sandwiches and ate one in silence, sitting at the dining
table. The only sounds were coming from the TV and Jisung and Minho periodically bickering. He
could hear Minho trying to convince Jisung to go get him a cup of coffee, the other refusing to
move. This whole interaction made Felix smile as he thought about what Hyunjin had told him
about Minho earlier in the day.

He finished his sandwich quickly, too hungry to take his time. Getting up, he took two cups out of
the cupboard, filling one with coffee from the pot. In the second one he poured some cocoa and
milk, adding a dash of vanilla flavored sugar to create the perfect cup of hot chocolate. Expertly, he
grabbed both mugs as well as the plate with still one sandwich on it and made his way back to the
living room.

Hyunjin was done with his shower, sitting on the other side of the couch. He was wearing a white
shirt, the three top buttons undone, and a pair of black skinny jeans. His feet were bare and he was
stroking his head with a fluffy towel while being in the middle of a conversation with Jisung who
was pointing his camera at him.

Silently, Felix walked to the couch. He dropped the coffee cup on the coffee table in front of
Minho and laid the rest - the sandwich and the hot cocoa - in front of Hyunjin.

“I’ll go take my shower now.” he said to nobody in particular before leaving the room.

The hot water sliding on his body was a blessing. Felix was already starting to feel his whole body
getting sore from pushing it so hard. So he stayed under the water a little longer than he would’ve
normally, to let his body relax a bit. But he felt bad using too much water or occupying the only
bathroom for too long, so he didn’t dwell too much either.

He lazily slid on a pair of pale blue jeans and white shirt, his body heavy. His towel was around his
neck, his hair damp and slightly dripping on it as he walked downstairs once more.

In the living room, Jisung had disappeared, leaving only Minho and Hyunjin who were talking to
one another.

“Well I wasn’t there, so I don’t know.” Minho said with an unbothered shrug.

“Yeah but I’m telling you, he was freaking amazing!” Hyunjin exclaimed.

Felix walked in and Hyunjin looked up, noticing him. He tilted his head to the side with a soft
smile. He changed his position on the couch, pressing his back to the back of the couch and
spreading his thighs to create a gap between them. A gap that he then patted with his hand.

“Come here, baby.” he said, looking at him.

This word again. It had the same effect on Felix the second time around. But seeing as Hyunjin was
saying it so easily and casually, without even being flustered by it, Felix was now pretty sure he
was simply used to calling people that way. Felix was hesitant but Hyunjin was looking at him
expectantly, the softest smile on his full lips. He had asked him to treat him like Chan. Maybe he
could do it. Maybe if he was thinking about Hyunjin the same way he was thinking about Chan,
then he wouldn’t start having useless thoughts every time the boy was around. At least he hoped it
would be the case.

So he obeyed and walked towards the couch, towards Hyunjin whose smile grew. He sat between
Hyunjin’s long legs a little awkwardly, trying very hard to control the fire he was sensing in his
cheeks. As soon as he was seated, he felt Hyunjin grab the towel around his neck. Soon said towel
was placed on his wet hair. With his long, slender fingers, Hyunjin started to softly rub the towel
on Felix’s head, drying his hair little by little. Felix couldn’t help but be reminded that he wanted to
do exactly the same thing for Hyunjin the night before, making his cheeks flush once more.

It felt good having someone take care of him. It always felt good to him, to be coddled but now
especially, with his heavy and sore body, it was really nice. Hyunjin was applying just the right
amount of pressure, making it feel more like a scalp massage than simply him drying his hair. His
thighs pressed closer against Felix’s own legs, warmth seeping from them, easing the soreness in
Felix’s thighs just a little bit. He felt himself relax immediately, forgetting the nervousness of being
so close to Hyunjin completely. That was why he always loved being touched and cuddled.

On the other side of the couch, Minho was watching them with a little frown, intrigued. But he
quickly turned his attention back to the screen when Hyunjin talked to him.

“Man, why are you always watching this stuff, it’s so creepy.” he said.

He stopped rubbing the towel on Felix’s hair, which was now as dry as it would get, and put the
towel aside. Soon his large hands found their way back on Felix’s shoulders though. But Felix was
relaxed enough now that he didn’t mind, didn’t freak out about it like he had done in the dance
studio. All he wanted was the warmth and the affection the other boy would give him. Chan wasn’t
around to cuddle him right now and Felix was craving it badly.

“It’s educational.” Minho answered briefly.

“How is this educational? It’s a psycho running after teenagers with a machete, not National
Geographic!”

Hyunjin’s thumb slightly moved. He was now pressing it on the bare skin of Felix’s neck instead
of on the fabric of his t-shirt where the rest of his hand laid. Slowly, he started to make little
circles, stroking Felix’s skin with his thumb. It seemed unconscious on his part since he was still
busy talking with Minho. It was distracting, wonderfully so, and Felix closed his eyes for a second,
enjoying the touch, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side, exposing his neck some more. A
sound resembling a purr escaped his lips, so softly that even Felix himself didn’t notice it.

“Because I’m learning how to kill all of you the day you piss me off.” Minho answered Hyunjin,
his eyes not budging from the TV. He sounded so serious about it, but Felix had a feeling this
simply was the type of humor Minho enjoyed.

Felix could swear he heard Hyunjin’s breath hitched behind him, but he couldn’t tell if it was
because of Minho’s comment. Or was it because of Felix’s reaction to his touch? His body always
reacted this way with touch and affection, always craving more once he had a little bit. The fact
that the hand touching him belonged to Hyunjin was irrelevant. Or so Felix was telling himself.
And he hadn’t done anything sinful or weird either, he just exposed his neck to Hyunjin leaning
ever so slightly back into his embrace, not even enough for it to be noticed by the other boy. So
surely, his reaction was due to Minho.

“You’re so…” Hyunjin started to retort after a second.

But he never finished his sentence. He shut his mouth because someone new entered the living
room. It was Chan. His arms were crossed on his chest, his hair were slightly ruffled and he didn’t
look very happy with them. Instinctively, like to protect himself from Chan’s wrath or to try to
disappear from his view, Felix leaned back against Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s arms slid around his neck in
a position not too different from the one Chan and Felix were in, on the couch the night before.

Minho sighed and quickly got up, shutting off the TV.

“I’m outta here.” he announced before glancing towards Felix and Hyunjin “Good luck.” he said.

He gave Chan a tap on the shoulder before walking out of the living room altogether, leaving the
two boys alone with a displeased Chan staring at them. He looked like a pissed off father getting
ready to give the lecture of his kids’ life. They would, indeed, need all the luck they could get.
 Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate!
Chapter Notes

As always, thank you SO MUCH for the love, I really wasn't expecting as big a
response to my story ♥

I'm now so obsessed with this, that I have a Spotify Playlist for In Need of Sunshine.
It's still a work in progress and it's just random songs that make me think of this story
and these characters, in no particular order. But if any of you are interested in that kind
of thing, just ask! ;)

“Hey there Channie!” Hyunjin exclaimed, a little too excitedly to be genuine.

Felix shoved Hyunjin in the chest with his elbow slightly. Now was not the time. In response, the
other boy ever so slightly tightened his embrace around Felix.

“When I left you at the studio this morning, I didn’t mean for you to spend the whole day there.”
Chan started, staring them down.

“Well technically it wasn’t all…” Hyunjin started.

Felix shoved him again with his elbow and the blond stopped before finishing his sentence. But
even if Felix hadn’t intervened, the look Chan gave him probably would’ve shut him up anyway.

“I always tell you not to overwork yourself!” Chan warned, pointing at Hyunjin. “Do you listen to
me? No. I bet you didn’t even take a lunch break, did you?” he sighed loudly. “I’m already worried
enough with you doing it, but now you’re having Felix follow your example…”

“Chan, stop it, it was my fault.” Felix quickly cut off Chan, not wanting to see him lecture Hyunjin.

“Felix, it’s not…” he tried to start arguing again, but Felix wasn’t having it.

“I wanted to dance.” he blurted out, using their native language.

This seemed to soften Chan right up. It wasn’t completely obvious because he was still staring at
them from the middle of the room with his arms crossed on his chest and a frown on his face. But
Felix knew Chan and his eyes could never lie. Felix tried to get up to go towards Chan, but as soon
as he initiated the movement he felt some resistance coming from Hyunjin’s arms around him. He
didn’t seem to want to let the other boy walk away. Felix got to his feet nonetheless, forcing
Hyunjin to let him go. He felt slightly cold now that the taller boy’s body wasn’t against his
anymore.

“I’m sorry..” Felix softly said, taking a few steps towards Chan who finally uncrossed his arms,
another sign that he was softening up.

“You should…” he sighed, rubbing a big and on his face. “ You could’ve at least answered your
texts..” he finished, giving a scolding look to Felix. It was clear how much he constantly worried
for them, Felix and all the others.
“I know.. I’m sorry. ” Felix repeated. “But, listen. We’re fine.. I’m fine..” he smiled softly.

“You’re always making me worry…” he mumbled under his breath looking away before sighing
once more and looking back at Felix. “Did you at least have fun?”

To that question, Felix’s bright smile, the one he seemed to reserve only for Chan, took over his
lips. He wrinkled his little nose in that cute way of his, with a genuinely happy giggle, nodding his
head ever so slightly.

“I really did.”

This reaction finally broke down Chan’s last barrier and he offered him a smile in return. His hand
landed on Felix's head, stroking his hair gently, in that brotherly way of his.

“That’s good…” he said, and sounded genuinely relieved to hear that.

Behind Felix, Hyunjin was simply watching the exchange in silence. Felix couldn’t see it, but he
was attacking his lower lip with his teeth repeatedly, staring at Chan and Felix talking in the
language that was foreign to him.

Now that Chan was in a better mood, Felix didn’t want to dwell on the subject any longer. He
always wanted people around him to be happy and relaxed and always prided himself on being
good at creating this sort of atmosphere for everybody. That was exactly why Chan had chosen the
nickname of “sunshine” for him all those years ago. So, true to himself, he asked :

“Hot chocolate?” he looked up at Chan before turning his head towards Hyunjin. “Hot chocolate?”
he asked again, switching to Korean this time. “Hot chocolate!” he then decided without waiting
for an answer from either of them.

Because a good cup of hot chocolate always made people happy. So he disappeared into the
kitchen as soon as he had made up his mind on the subject, hearing Chan chuckle behind him.

After fixing up three new cups in the kitchen, Felix made his way back to the living room, careful
not to spill anything. Chan had moved to sit on the couch. The TV was back on, switched to
another channel but only serving as background noise. Hyunjin and Chan were both silent. Maybe
the tension between the two was still not totally eased despite Felix’s intervention.

There was a small space between Chan and Hyunjin and, after putting all the cups on the coffee
table, he naturally plopped himself right between the two of them, almost squishing himself in that
spot. Chan chuckled once more at his behavior.

“Thanks sunshine” he smiled taking his cup in one hand and bringing it to his lips while putting his
other arm around Felix’s shoulders.

“Thanks baby” Hyunjin retorted, reaching for his mug as well.

Suddenly Chan loudly coughed in his cup, almost spitting the hot liquid out of his mouth, his eyes
open wide. Thinking that his friend was choking on his cocoa, Felix softly tapped him in the back.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked.

Next to him, Hyunjin had a pleased smirk glued to his lips as he tilted his cup to drink some of his
own chocolate. Once Chan got his coughing under control, he nodded, turning his head to Felix.
He was slightly frowning, like he was trying to understand something but Felix simply put it on the
fact that he probably hurt his throat coughing so hard.

“I’m good.” he said, frowning while looking at Felix for a few more seconds before letting his face
relax some more and turning his head towards the TV instead.

They spent a few minutes just sipping their chocolate, they only sounds coming from the TV. Felix
had let his head fall on Chan’s shoulder as a force of habit and his friend was now softly stroking
his hair, absently. Felix’s eyes were closed as he was enjoying the attention Chan was giving him
when he started to feel fingers going up and down his upper arm, slowly. He knew it had to be
Hyunjin since it was on his side and both of Chan’s hands were already busy. It felt really nice. But
as always, whenever he received a little attention, Felix wanted more.

Blindly he reached for Hyunjin’s hand, which was dancing on his skin. When finally his fingers
found his, the smaller blond grabbed the hand and pulled it towards him, to be able to play with it.
He opened one eye, looking at Hyunjin’s long fingers that were now resting in his own hand in
front of him. Hyunjin didn’t object, simply looking at the other boy with a small smile tugging at
the corner of his lips.

He pressed his hand against Hyunjin’s, intrigued by how much bigger his were. And he arrived at
the conclusion that his hands were absolutely tiny compared to Hyunjin’s. The taller boy bent the
tip of his fingers, showing just how much longer they were compared to Felix’s. This made the boy
slightly giggle, which, as a result, made Hyunjin smile. He then started to play with Hyunjin’s
hand, unconsciously massaging it between his small fingers as he focused his attention back on
Chan, talking to him.

“So, were you able to fix whatever the problem was this morning?” he asked, even though he had
no idea what it was that Chan actually needed to fix in the first place.

“Um?” Chan asked. He had been too focused on the TV to notice anything else. “Oh, yeah. It was a
close one, but we managed to get the video out in time.” he chuckled with a little nod of his head.

“Video?” Felix asked, a little confused.

“Well yeah, the fans were expecting it by this afternoon, so…”

“Fans?” Felix’s confusion just grew. He tilted himself upright instead of slouching on Chan’s
shoulder. “I thought you guys were doing music as a… hobby or something?” he said, looking
from Chan to Hyunjin and back.

Hyunjin laughed softly. His hand was still in Felix’s but he was now the one playing with it, not the
opposite.

“Wow Channie, you really failed to mention a lot of stuff..” he commented, arching his brows.

“It just.. never came up.” Chan admitted, but he looked surprised about the fact that Felix wasn’t
aware of anything, like he had completely forgotten that he never spoke to him about it. “Yeah, no,
music is our money-maker at the moment. “ he then explained, looking at Felix with a smile. “We
don’t really do shows or anything like that, we’re not popular enough for that. But… we’re pretty
well known online actually.”

He shrugged like it was no big deal but it was clear on his face that he was not only happy about it
but also extremely proud of that fact.
“So.. What? You post videos of your songs on Youtube?”

“Amongst other things, yeah..” Chan nodded. “We’re actually really active online and invested in
the fan base that we do have so we’re putting a lot of content out..”

Hyunjin snorted at that, like it was an understatement, which, knowing Chan’s tendency of always
working too much and being too much a perfectionist, Felix could easily believe that it was. Chan
ignored that and continued his explanation though. He seemed happy to finally talk about it to
Felix.

“We all have our preferences, but we all participate. Vlogs, dance covers and dance practices,
lives… And we also try to create our own music videos sometimes, but that’s rarer, ‘cause making
it look professional and cool takes months of preparation. And with those guys it’s always a pain.”
he chuckled.

Hyunjin nodded his agreement next to Felix, his thumb now drawing invisible circles on the inside
of Felix's small wrist.

“Chan spends his life on Vlive, fans absolutely adore him.” he laughed.

“C’mon, they love all of us..” Chan stated. He looked a little flustered to be told that fans
especially loved him, which was pretty cute.

But it was a lot of information for Felix to digest, it was a little bit overwhelming to be honest. He
knew that Chan had spent those last two years in a band, but he thought they were making music
for fun in a garage once or twice a week and called it a day. He would’ve never imagined that this
was such a serious thing. And he suddenly felt a little bit stupid for knowing so little about
something so important in his best friend’s life.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know any of that…” he announced, dumbfounded.

If he was honest with himself, Felix felt a tiny bit hurt that Chan never mentioned any of it despite
how clearly important it was to him. Music had always been his life, he had left Australia, left Felix
behind, to pursue it after all. So the fact that not only did he form a band but he was now actively
making a living out of it, building a fan base and creating music and content on the daily basis… It
was a big deal. And Felix thought it would’ve been the kind of thing Chan would want to announce
to Felix, to share his success with his long time friend.

He didn’t like having negative feelings, especially not towards Chan, but he felt a bit overwhelmed
by the whole thing. He was a sensitive person and so it was hard for him to process his feelings,
keep his cool and bottle any negative emotion for long. He knew how stupid it was to be so
affected by something so silly. Chan hadn’t talked to him about it because he never asked. Like he
said, it just never came up in the conversation. But still, Felix couldn’t stop an unpleasant feeling to
settle in the pit of his stomach.

“Wow.. That’s a lot.” he forced a chuckle as he quickly got up, Hyunjin’s finger letting go of his
wrist. “Guess I have a lot of catching up to do, uh?” he added, still forcing that little laugh to come
out of his throat. He didn’t want to show he was bothered, because it wasn’t a big deal and so he
would act like it.

He took the three empty mugs from the coffee table, seeing in them a way to escape the whole
situation and quickly made his way to the kitchen to put them in the sink without further comment.

Over the running water and the sound of the sponge he was rubbing against the mug, he didn’t hear
Hyunjin walking in the kitchen and up to him, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter, looking
down at him.

“You okay?” he asked, and Felix almost jumped at the sound.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” he asked, focusing on the dishes instead of the other man. “I guess I’m
just a bit tired. I should just take a quick nap or something, I’m sore everywhere.” he added, finally
looking at Hyunjin and offering him a soft smile, as genuine as possible.

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, a slight frown between his eyebrows, looking at Felix’s face up
and down for a second before simply nodding. He reached for the spong, prying it from Felix’s
hand with his long fingers and offered him a small smile in which Felix could detect concern.

“Go rest then..” he said, his voice soft, but still a little firm, like it was an order more than a
suggestion.

Felix could only nod and obey. Because he felt childish for having this feelings inside him and he
didn’t want the others, especially not Chan, to realize what was actually going through his head
and how much he was acting and reacting like a child. But also because, in a weird way, he always
felt compelled to oblige when Hyunjin was taking that tone with him. That tone that seemed to be
commanding and still so smooth at the same time. Like when he asked him to get up and join him
in the dance studio, or when he told him to come sit between his legs earlier. So, under Hyunjin’s
gaze, he left the kitchen.

He passed Chan in the living room, who seemed lost in his own thoughts, his head between his
hands, not noticing that Felix was even here. He felt relieved that he wouldn’t have to explain to
Chan why he was suddenly fleeing the conversation to go back to his room. So he didn’t linger
there for Chan to notice him and quickly left the room and took the stairs two by two.

Once in the room, Felix felt even more stupid. He didn’t know what to do with himself or with his
feelings. He threw himself on his bed, stared at the ceiling, tried to nap, tossed and turned for long
minutes, to no avail. He just never knew how to deal with negative emotions of any kind. It was
fair to say that Lee Felix was bad at feelings. Those kinds of feelings at least. He didn’t want to
throw a fit, he didn’t want to cry.. Honestly he wasn’t even sure why he was so upset about the
whole thing since he, himself, knew that it wasn’t that big of a deal. So he really had no idea what
to do with himself now.

After counting the number of tiles on the ceiling for the third time, Felix couldn’t take it anymore.
His mind was turning and turning, thinking about everything he learned and the more he thought
about it, the supider he felt about the fact that a whole part of Chan’s life was a complete mystery
to him. Not only that, but he knew nothing about what any of his new roommates did. This was
their whole life and they were the people he was going to live with… He should know those things.
He shouldn’t be as clueless as he was now.

And he wouldn’t stand there, staying ignorant when he could do something about it. It simply
wasn’t the Felix way. So he rummaged through his good old backpack, fishing out his slick laptop,
the only valuable thing he had kept from his old life in Australia. He opened it with determination,
opening his browser and clicking on the Youtube icon. He stopped on the homepage, fingers
hovering above his keyboard for a second. How could he find their content when he knew next to
nothing about it? But he suddenly remembered his conversation with Hyunjin at the dance studio.
About Chan taking in strays…
Stray Kids, was that what he said? Felix fingers ran on the keys, pressing each letter before hitting
enter. He was immediately redirected to a Youtube channel by the same name. He felt a little sense
of victory when he noticed Chan’s face on the thumbnail of the last video posted on the channel.
He had found the right one. Now all he had to do was watch the content they offered and then
maybe he could understand it, understand them a little better.

But the number of videos listed on the channel was astronomical. Chan wasn’t kidding when he
said that they produced a lot of content. Really, “a lot” seemed like a huge understatement. And
Felix had absolutely no idea where to begin with. Once more, he felt extremely overwhelmed. But
not discouraged. He would learn more about Stray Kids and what they did. Maybe then he would
be able to get rid of those useless negative feelings that he didn’t know what to do with.

He was intently staring at his screen, trying to figure out if he should start from the top and click
“watch all” and sit through hours on end of content, or pick something in particular, a specific type
of video to start with, when the door suddenly opened. Felix jumped out of his skin, his head
snapping up, tilting his screen down like he was trying to hide something shameful. In the
doorframe, Hyunjin was looking back at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Did I interrupt something..?” he asked, a sly smile forming on his lips, as he stepped in closing the
door behind him.

Felix didn’t need to be a genius to understand what he was insinuating and instantly his cheeks
turned bright red and he shook his head from side to side energetically, gesturing with his hands,
desperate to make Hyunjin understand he had it all wrong. The whole thing just made Hyunjin
burst out in laughter. The sound was music to Felix’s ears. Hyunjin had a really pretty, melodious
laugh. But he was so embarrassed that all he could do was hide his face in his hands, his cheeks
burning hot against his palms.

“...really too cute…” Hyunjin’s voice was barely audible and Felix wondered if he was saying this
to himself and didn’t mean for Felix to hear him, but he did, and it didn’t help with his furious
blushing. “I was just checking up on you before going back to work. What are you up to?” he then
asked aloud.

Felix felt his mattress sink a little next to him and he knew Hyunjin had sat there. He managed to
look up, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt. The tall blond was close to him, closer than Felix
initially thought, and he was looking at him with a soft smile, his head tilted just the way only he
knew how to.

“Back to work?” he asked, struggling not to stare at Hyunjin’s beautiful face.

He licked his dry lips with the tip of his tongue and immediately Hyunjin’s eyes drifted there,
following the movement of Felix’s tongue on his pink lips. He lingered there a second too long,
Felix barely remembering how to breath under his glare. He was trying not to picture what it would
be like if Hyunjin leaned and kissed him, because he knew it was inappropriate and not something
Hyunjin himself had in mind. And, he didn’t want to think about it especially because he knew it
would never happen. No matter how much he realized he would probably like it. Finally Hyunjin’s
eyes shifted back up and he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, we need to record some vocals today.” he nodded and Felix nodded back, the tinge of
unpleasantness he felt earlier tugging back at his heart once more. “So.. What were you watching?”
he then smiled, that teasing smile.

He leaned, extending his arms to grab the edge of Felix’s laptop, lifting the screen up to see what
was displayed on it. In this position, Hyunjin’s chest was pressed against Felix’s side, his face only
centimeters away from his own, his breath hot against his cheek.

“I just.. I wanted.. I was..” Felix struggled to say anything coherent, as much because of Hyunjin’s
proximity than because of the fact that he felt very embarrassed being caught snooping on the
band’s channel. “I was trying to know more..” he finally admitted, looking away shyly. “But I
didn’t know where to start..”

When Hyunjin saw the screen the corners of his lips quirked up. He turned his head ever so
slightly to look at Felix. The look in his eyes was so soft and so was the smile on his lips.

“Should we watch some together then?” he asked casually.

“Don’t you have to go record..?”

As a response, Hyunjin grabbed the laptop and shifted his body to press his back against the bed
frame, his long legs now completely extended on Felix’s mattress, one arm behind his head and the
laptop on his lap.

“I have a bit of time to kill until then…” he smiled

Some small strands of hair were falling in front of Hyunjin’s face, his eyes seemed amused and his
smile was inviting. If Felix had a camera, he knew he would’ve created the perfect picture of
Hyunjin, just there. With his hand, the tall blond gave a few pats to the spot next to him on the
mattress, looking at Felix intently.

“Come here, baby.”

And Felix obeyed. Of course he did.

 You Are Amazing
Chapter Notes

I'm not as proud of this chapter, but I still hope you like it! ♥

And omg, already more than 1,5k hits and 150 kudos. You crazy people, thank you so
much! ♥

Felix sat next to Hyunjin. This bed wasn’t made for two grown adults so no matter how much
Felix tried to keep a little distance between them, he ended up completely pressed against
Hyunjin’s side, who was patiently waiting, watching him from the corner of his eye. After
shuffling a little bit, struggling to get in a comfortable position, he simply crossed his arms on his
chest, trying his best not to lean against Hyunjin more than was necessary and fixed his eyes on the
screen.

“I haven’t seen the last one they’ve uploaded yet, should we watch that?” Hyunjin asked, his long
finger hovering over the touchpad.

“What kind of video is it?” Felix asked, intrigued but shy and embarrassed to show said interest.

“Just a kind of vlog of some stuff we did last week.” he shrugged. “We upload individual vlogs
often but those with all of us are more rare. Us all being at the same place, doing the same thing, at
the same time doesn’t happen as much as you would think.” he then chuckled.

“But… You’re working together and living together.. I thought you were all together 24/7..” Felix
admitted, confused.

“You would think that, yeah. “ Hyunjin nodded. “We’re all pretty well rounded but still we each
have our specialities in the band, so most of the time we’re all busy with different things, here and
there.”

Felix nodded his understanding. It somewhat made sense. But the explanation only made him even
more curious. He turned his head slightly towards Hyunjin, his lower lip stuck between his teeth.

“So.. What are your specialities then?” he asked sheepishly.

“Well..” he looked at Felix. “Obviously, I’m the eye-candy.” he stated, gesturing to his face, his
smile was teasing, amused.

“Obviously..” Felix blurted out under his breath before he could think better of it, his eyes glued to
Hyunjin’s gorgeous face. “I mean..” he quickly started again, his eyes round and shocked, his
cheeks flushed, barely believing the words that came out of his mouth.

This made Hyunjin laugh, leaning his head towards Felix’s unconsciously as he did, amusement
shining in his eyes. Amusement and something else. Was it relief? Longing? Felix didn’t get time
to dwell on it.

“Thank you.” Hyunjin said, some laughter still audible in his voice.
He reached for Felix's face, brushing his cheek with his long fingers before tucking a strand of
Felix’s blond hair behind his ear as he was thanking him. Felix felt himself lean into the touch and
he hated his body for being so touch deprived even in a situation that was so embarrassing for him.
Too soon, Hyunjin’s hand left Felix’s face but quickly after that he felt his arm fall on his small
shoulders. Hyunjin was doing all of this so naturally that Felix felt stupid for reacting so much to
his touch. He tried to remind himself that he needed to treat Hyunjin the same way he treated Chan.

“Seriously though.. Minho and I are in charge of almost everything dance related. We create the
choreographies, we teach it to everyone for the dance practice videos.. I like to make dance covers
for the channel too. So I spend a lot of time with Minho, and even more time in the dance studio.
To Chan’s displeasure.” he chuckled. “And I have a knack for both photography and fashion
according to the others, so.. I’m charged with taking most of the pictures that end up on our social
media and I assist with coming up with looks for our big videos, like the music videos and all that.”

He shrugged, like it was no big deal. But Felix found it impressive that the other boy was in charge
of so much, was good at so many things. Hyunjin didn’t seem aware of just how extraordinary he
was and it astonished Felix that the boy didn’t realize something that was so clear to him, even
though he had known him only for two days.

“You’re amazing.” he said, looking straight at him. He didn’t feel shy saying it because he felt like
it was something Hyunjin needed to hear, something that was important to say.

Felix always wanted people around him to feel loved, appreciated and to know how awesome they
were. He knew how important it was in life to hear those things, to have someone tell you that
you’re doing good, that you’re talented, that your dreams are valid. He knew it all too well because
for a long time he didn’t have that person, saying those things to him. So he had decided, back
then, that he would be that person to others, as much as he could. It was part of his sunny,
attentionate, protective personality.

“Not really..” Hyunjin chuckled. Felix didn’t like the way he was depreciating himself. “Chan is
basically doing everything and anything and he’s absolutely phenomenal with all the technical and
producing side of music. And fans definitely adore him. Jisung and Changbin help Chan a lot with
producing all of our songs and they write so many amazing lyrics. Minho is a genius
choreographer and he has a really good eye for makeup too! I.N skills with a computer and with
editing softwares are out of this world, we wouldn’t be able to do anything online without him.
And Seungmin is always keeping our schedules straight, making sure everything is done by the
deadlines and he’s helping Chan a lot with promoting us and with SEO and all that stuff, he’s so
good at it. We would be lost without him. So really it’s not…” he was talking quickly, listing all
the good things he could about the other members.

“Hyunjin.” Felix cut him off, calling his name seriously, maybe even a little firmly, still looking at
him without flinching.

Hyunjin stopped, looking back at Felix. He seemed a little surprised by the tone of the other boy,
by the serious look in his eyes. It wasn’t an expression he had seen on Felix’s face before.

“You. Are. Amazing.” Felix stated, clearly enunciating each word slowly, holding Hyunjin’s gaze
with his own.

The two stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before Hyunjin finally nodded slightly
and looked away. Felix could swear Hyunjin’s cheeks took a beautiful soft pink color as he turned
his eyes back towards the screen, probably to avoid Felix’s gaze. It made him feel good, happy
even, to see that the message came across. More than that, it made him feel surprisingly giddy to
see that he, too, was able to have a little bit of effect on the man after he, himself, had blushed so
many times because of him.

It improved Felix’s mood slightly and made a tiny smile appear on the corner of his lips. He lifted
his hand to his shoulder, where Hyunjin’s palm rested and he took his hand to play with his fingers
just like he had done on the couch earlier, leaning a bit against him to be able to see the screen
properly. With his free hand, he brought his index finger on the touchpad.

“Shall we?” he asked and Hyunjin simply nodded.

So Felix clicked on the last video that had been uploaded and waited, having no idea what to
expect.

The video was about fifteen minutes long. There were different clips of all the boys doing different
things. In one Chan was sleeping, sitting on a chair, his head falling in front of him. It made Felix
want to take care of him. He was always overworking himself and from what he heard, it was
worse now than it had been in the past. Yes Felix didn’t feel very good about his friend not telling
him anything about his band and his fame, but it didn’t mean he didn’t feel extremely protective
over him still, and that he didn’t worry.

In the same clip, Hyunjin was sleeping too, his head on I.N’s lap. He was extremely cute when
asleep but Felix couldn’t help but want to be I.N so he could have Hyunjin on his lap instead. He
tried not to dwell on that mental image even though it was hard not to think about it.

In the following clip, Seungmin, Changbin and Chan were messing around, doing funny voices,
quickly joined by the rest of the band who started to talk and sing while doing weird voices,
cracking up and laughing with one another.

After that was a clip where Hyunjin, who was behind the camera, was pointing the lens at each
member's face, asking them to make a pretty face. Minho smiled and Hyunjin commented on how
cute he looked. Minho repeating “Oh, am I cute?” and making a funny duck face to the camera in
response.

There was also a clip of all of them in the dance studio, Hyunjin and Minho in front, showing off
their synchronised choreography while all the others were goofing around, loosely following the
steps but being chaotic and loud more than anything, laughing and screaming and waving their
arms around with silly expressions on their faces.

Some clips were just of members talking straight to the camera, addressing their fans, explaining
what they were doing during the day whether it was recording, dancing or simply playing games
together. They all seemed really comfortable in front of the camera and they also were all excited
and happy to talk to their fans through the lens. To Felix, it was impressive. He couldn’t imagine
being in front of the camera, let alone knowing that the video was going to be seen by a bunch of
people. He would be nervous, shy and awkward, for sure.

In the last clip the camera was fixed in front of the couch in the house where they were all seated.
Chan explained to the camera that they were going to watch their last music video for the first time
and react to it. He then pressed a button on the remote and the rest of the clip was all of them
laughing, cringing or being impressed by whatever was happening on the screen in front of them.

The video was then finished by a clip of each member saying goodbye to fans and waving at the
camera, all adding their own little flare to it.
“What do you think?” Hyunjin asked at the end of the video.

He took his arm away from Felix’s shoulder to take the laptop and leaned to put it at the end of the
bed instead of keeping it on his lap before going back to his initial position, his arm around Felix.
Instinctively Felix grabbed Hyunjin’s hand once more as soon as it was back on his shoulder,
playing abstenly with his long fingers. Hyunjin was smiling softly at him, his head tilted to the
side.

“Are you guys always this… chaotic?” Felix asked.

He was especially surprised, watching the video, about how much they could all act like children
sometimes, so carefree, loud and silly. Even Minho, Seungmin and Changbin. Neither of those
three gave him ‘silly’ vibes when he met them. Minho, of course, seemed cold and maybe a bit
mean at first. Changbin was simply really intimidating and looked quite mysterious. And
Seungmin looked so calm and composed. So it was hard to imagine any of them doing silly dances,
cutesy voices and jump on other members begging for hugs. And still, that’s exactly what Felix
witnessed in this video.

It was proof that first impressions could be very wrong, and that he really didn’t know any of his
roommates. And just like Hyunjin had told him earlier, it seemed like all the members were really
cuddly with one another, always sleeping on each other, hugging one another or other little things
like that, no matter where they were or what they were doing. Maybe Felix shouldn’t be so shy
with them then. It was easier said than done, but it felt to him like, if they warmed up to him and if
he was acting more comfortable around them, they could all really get along.

“You have no idea.” Hyunjin laughed, throwing his head back slightly.

“You all seem to have fun though. You seem… happy.” Felix noticed sheepishly.

“We really are, yeah. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it, 100%.” Hyunjin declared without a hint of
hesitation, his smile soft and warm.

And all Felix could do was smile back. That small, shy smile of his. He was relieved to at least
know that Chan was happy. He was working too much, but he was doing what he loved with
people he obviously loved very dearly too. Felix couldn’t have hoped for anything better for his
best friend. He would’ve liked if Chan had shared his happiness with him, but he couldn’t be mad
at him for it. Not when he could see, in that single video and in the way he treated the others, that
he had found his path and found his home here.

“Say..” Hyunjin said after a little silence.

“Yeah?”

“You seemed bothered earlier. When we were talking about the band with Chan..” he continued. It
wasn’t really a question, more of an observation.

Felix sighed, biting his lip. He still felt silly for the way he felt, the way he reacted after this
conversation with Chan. He had hoped Hyunjin didn’t notice, but clearly he hadn’t been as subtle
as he wanted with his feelings. The smile Hyunjin was giving him made him want to confess, if
only a little, to him. With his arm around his shoulder, his fingers playing with his, and that warm
look in his eyes, he made Felix feel safe enough to open up.

“Was I that obvious?” he asked before sighing once more. “I feel so stupid.. Chan, he is… Well he
had a very important role in my life back in Australia. I don’t have the best relationship with my
parents and he was the only one believing in my dreams and encouraging me so I learned to lean on
him.. A lot. Too much.. So when he left I was absolutely crushed. But I was supportive because I
wanted him to follow his dreams. And so.. I dunno, I guess I thought he would’ve wanted me to
know he had finally made it. And hearing that he was able to live from making music for two years
and I wasn’t aware of it, it.. hurt a little bit..” Felix tilted his head down, looking away, feeling
foolish. “It’s childish, isn’t it?” he said, clearly disappointed with himself and his behavior.

After a second, he felt slender fingers slide under his chin, gripping it to tilt his head back up,
forcing Felix to look straight into Hyunjin’s eyes.

“Absolutely not.” he said, his voice soft but his tone firm. “It’s totally normal to want to be
included. I understand wanting to be part of someone’s life like that.” he said. “Especially when it’s
someone you’re in love with.” he added, the words a little more firm, a little less soft.

Felix opened and closed his mouth two or three times. He knew he was bad at hiding his emotions,
but he never thought he was as easy to read as an open book.

“It’s not… I’m not… It..” he stuttered, blinking rapidly, his chin still trapped between Hyunjin’s
fingers. “Maybe I did have a.. crush on him back then but it’s not.. That’s not like that anymore.”
he shook his head as much as the grip on his chin allowed him to.

“Is that so?” Hyunjin asked. His eyes were peering into Felix’s brown orbs.

Felix nodded slowly. It took a second but a small smile reappeared on Hyunjin’s lips. Felix wasn’t
sure what was up with him and what this reaction meant. Hyunjin was good at confusing him. He
didn’t seem to like the idea of Felix being in love with Chan, but why? Felix had no idea.

“Good.” Hyunjin simply announced, moving from his position to slowly get up from the bed.

“Are you.. going to work?” Felix asked shyly, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking away from
Hyunjin.

He felt like it was too soon. He wanted more time with Hyunjin. He wanted more cuddles, he
wanted to hear his voice more. He just wanted more. He didn’t let himself wonder why, he just
knew he did and that made him feel very embarrassed. Hyunjin fished his phone out of his pocket,
probably to check the time.

“Yeah, it’s time.” he nodded. There was silence for a few seconds but Hyunjin didn’t leave the
room, simply looking at Felix. “Do you wanna come with me?”

Felix looked up, surprised by the offer. But he felt like he was already intruding too much. Not
only did he intrude in their home, living with them out of the blue, but he had also intruded on
Chan and Hyunjin’s dance practice this morning. Now that he knew how important and serious all
this was for them, he felt guilty about it all.

“I don’t think..” he started.

“Please.” Hyunjin said simply, with a little pout hiding a smile. “Chan won’t mind.” he assured.
“He’s been sulking ever since you went to the room..” he explained with a little shrug before
offering a small smile. “You two are really alike.” he chuckled. “If someone can cheer him up it’s
you so..”

He extended his hand to Felix to help him up. Felix’s heart hurt a little bit hearing that Chan wasn’t
feeling good either. And to be honest with himself, Felix really wanted to hear their music, to see
them work, to learn more first hand. So he nodded imperceptibly and put his hand in Hyunjin’s
palm. The tall blond squeezed Felix’s small fingers and pulled him up with a smile. Keeping
Felix’s hand firmly in his, Hyunjin led him out of the bedroom.

The house was really silent and Felix came to the conclusion that everyone was already gone to the
recording studio, wherever that was. He knew Chan rented a dance space, but could he also rent a
recording studio? This had to be very expensive. He wanted to ask the question to Hyunjin but once
they were down the stairs, the boy didn’t stop. Felix thought they would put on their shoes at the
door and head outside, but no.

Without a word, Hyunjin dragged him towards a door next to the stairs, leading straight into
another staircase. Without hesitation, he started to go down the stairs, tugging on Felix’s hand,
urging him to follow.

Felix hadn’t been wrong when he had thought that the band was making music in some sort of
garage or basement. However, this wasn’t the kind of basement he had in mind. Because they were,
without a doubt, in the basement of the house, but the whole thing looked more modern and more
expensive than the rest of the whole house. The ground was covered with a beautiful dark wooden
flooring and the walls were all painted in a dark gray color, guitars and bass guitars on display on
one of the walls and a big drum set tucked in a corner of the room, in the back. The other corner
was turned into a big booth with a microphone in it and noise cancelling padding on the walls. A
recording space. Facing the booth was a large table with multiple mixing tables and a laptop. And
in the middle of the room, turned away from the staircase, was a brown leather couch and two
matching armchairs.

It was absolutely astonishing and Felix stopped at the end of the stairs, his mouth open, his eyes
wide, taking it all in. Hyunjin was looking at him with a smile, a glint of pride shining in his eyes.
All the other members were already there. Minho was sitting in an armchair, trying to tune a bass
guitar that was sitting on his lap. Jisung was sitting on the arm of Minho’s chair, talking excitedly
to him. I.N was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, his laptop in front of him and Changbin
trying to bother him from behind, poking his cheek repeatedly, chuckling. Seungmin was calmly
sitting in the second armchair, looking over at I.N and Changbin with an affectionate smile.

And then there was Chan. He was on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his chin plopped on
his joined hands, looking down at his feet, his lips drawing a tight, straight line. He was facing
away from the staircase and didn’t even look their way when Hyunjin and Felix arrived and
everyone else looked up.

“You’re late!” Minho commented.

Hyunjin squeezed Felix’s fingers, giving him a little look from him to Chan, like he was trying to
tell him ‘go on’ before he let go of his hand and moved towards Minho.

“Sorry, sorry! “he laughed, leaning to hug Minho from the side, the other boy struggling to avoid
him, feigning disgust even though a clear smile was trying to break out on his face.

Jisung was laughing, trying to push Hyunjin away and pull Minho closer to him at the same time.
Seungmin looked briefly at Felix with a warm smile before focusing on the chaos taking place in
front of him, while I.N, softly laughing, was still focusing on his computer as best he could, with
Changbin that was now leaning on his back, putting all his weight into it.

Felix took this opportunity to walk towards Chan. He arrived behind the couch, behind Chan and
leaned, wrapping his arms around his best friends neck, his chin on his shoulder. Chan’s hand
instinctively came up, stroking Felix’s forearm.

“I’m sorry..” he said, so softly only Felix could hear.

“Me too…” Felix sighed, burying his nose in Chan’s neck from behind.

Finally, a small smile tugged at the corners of Chan’s lips. And Felix couldn’t see it, but the
absolute relief that was visible in that smile, was simply heartbreaking. The two stayed in the
position, not talking, for a few seconds, Felix simply wanting to show his quiet affection and love
to his friend, hoping to put the negative feelings to rest. After a while though, when everyone else
seemed to have calmed down a bit, Chan got up from his seat, a bright, shining smile on his face.

“Let’s make some music, people !” he exclaimed, the other members breaking into applause and
cheers.
 Look At Me
Chapter Notes

A little chapter with all the boys together! I love being able to write their dynamic
honestly!

Confession time; I actually wanted to write the whole recording scene in one single
chapter, but the chapter started to get really REALLY long and so I decided to cut it in
two normal length chapters instead! Sorry about that! ♥

Everyone got really excited but it turned out they couldn’t actually start doing anything right away
because they had to do a sound check first so Chan could adjust everything the right way on the
mixing tables. Jisung volunteered to go stand behind the mic while Chan started to turn and press
buttons.

Felix, who sat on the couch after getting confirmation from Chan that he was okay with him
hanging around during the recording, was quickly joined by Changbin on one side and I.N on the
other on the small leather surface. He was already surprised that the two came towards him, but
even more so when Changbin naturally put his arm around Felix’s shoulder, like the two of them
knew each other very well already. And, as soon as he was seated, I.N had his laptop open on his
lap once again.

On the armchair next to the couch, Minho was looking up at Hyunjin who was sitting on the arm
of the chair, one arm casually slung on the back of it, Minho’s head resting on his forearm. The
two were deep in conversation, both making gestures with their hands. Felix didn’t want to focus
on their conversation just to hear what they were talking about, but he had a suspicion that dance
was the subject they were tackling.

Now that the boy was closer to him and that Felix was paying attention, he realized the I.N’s hair
had turned a very dark shade of blue instead of the color it was the last time he saw him, the day
before. As strange as it was, it suited him. It made him look a little older somewhat, gave him an
edge that looked really cool to Felix’s eye.

“Check this out.” the younger boy said.

Felix thought he was talking to Changbin, but I.N leaned a bit towards him turning his screen so
Felix could watch what was on it. I.N offered him a smile, making Felix finally understand that he
was the one he was talking to.

“I’ve been working on new effects for our next music video.” he explained.

He seemed really excited about it so Felix offered a smile back, focusing on the screen that he was
showing him. I.N clicked a few buttons, opening up an editing software and playing him a short
clip. It was a cloudy sky, nothing out of the ordinary, until suddenly lightning appeared, starting
with white, realistic looking lightning, before it turned red. Then the whole image turned a deep
red hue for a second, the lightning effect still appearing and disappearing on the screen that was
flashing between red and the natural, muted colors. It looked amazing. Very creative and artistic,
with an edge. Felix found it really cool.
“What do you think?” I.N asked, expectantly.

“You did that yourself?” Felix asked, surprised, looking up at the younger boy, who nodded as an
answer. “That’s… amazing.” he said, genuinely really impressed by the talent I.N showed.

He now understood what Hyunjin meant when he said the I.N was a genius with a computers and
that they wouldn’t be able to put out music videos without him. If this was only a few seconds of
his work, only a simple glimpse at what he was capable of, Felix couldn’t even imagine what a
finished project could look like. He made a mental note to check out the other music videos that
were already available on the channel as soon as possible.

“Wooow, baby Jeongin. You did good!” Changbin exclaimed next to Felix, with the highest pitch,
the cutest voice, puffing his cheeks exaggeratedly and clearly teasing I.N as he extended his arm
that was on Felix’s shoulder to go poke I.N’s cheek with his finger.

The interaction warmed Felix’s heart for some reason. I.N definitely looked the part of the
“maknae” as Chan called him, looking younger and cuter than everyone else even with his edgy
new hair color. And Changbin had this menacing, intimidating, dark look to him. They basically
looked like polar opposite and still, right now, they just looked like a big brother annoying his
baby brother as a way of showing his affection.

“Shut up.” I.N said, shoving Changbin’s hand away, trying to look annoyed despite the smile on
the corner of his lips.

Still, Changbin obliged, putting his hand back on Felix’s shoulder. He had thought about the fact
that he wanted to be less shy with everyone, that he wanted to get closer to them, earlier. And even
though he still felt a bit shy, because it was in his nature, he had to say that the boys were making it
easier for him, acting so casually, so normally with him, even though they didn’t know him.

“So.. Felix, between you and me..” Changbin started, his voice suddenly so serious that Felix
watched him, a little worried about what he was about to say. He leaned a bit closer to Felix’s face
and continued in a hush tone, like he was telling a secret. “Do you have compromising stories
about Channie?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows for effect.

“No, he doesn’t!” Chan exclaimed from the other side of the room, still seemingly focused on his
mixing table, but turning his eyes towards Felix for a second.

This wasn’t at all what Felix had in mind at first, when Changbin used that tone, but this amused
him greatly. He turned his head to see Chan after his exclamation, offering him the brightest, most
angelic smile he had in his arsenal, like a silent promise that he wouldn’t share his dark, cringy
secrets. Chan smiled back and went back to focusing on the sound test. Felix turned his head back
towards Changbin, leaning towards his face like the other had done a few seconds before, a
conspiratorial look in his eyes.

“Tons.” he said in that low, secretive tone, so that Chan wouldn’t overhear him, a sly smile tugging
at the corner of his mouth.

Changbin laughed, a loud and raspy sound, throwing his head back. He then lifted his hand for a
high-five to which Felix responded happily, slapping his palm against Changbin’s. The other boy
winked at him, an amused smile still on his lips and Felix giggled at that. And just like that, he felt
way more comfortable with Changbin now than he did only a few minutes before.

Suddenly, Jisung appeared out of nowhere, letting himself fall on Changbin’s lap without any
restraint.
“What are we laughing about?” he asked, with his usual swagger.

He was apparently done with the sound test. Felix's suspicion was proven correct when he heard
Chan get up from behind his mixing table and clap his hands one against the other, walking
towards them.

“We’re all ready to go. Jisung, since you’re so energetic, why don’t you go first?” Chan
announced, crossing his arms on his chest with a little smile.

“Oh, c’mon! Why am I always missing the fun?” Jisung whined with a big, exaggerated pout on
his lips.

“What about..” Seungmin started, opening his mouth for the first time since Felix had arrived in
the room. But he couldn’t finish his sentence.

“We’ll deal with that later.” Chan said, vaguely gesturing his hand in the air to brush off whatever
Seungmin was talking about, that Felix couldn’t understand. “Let’s just record what we can now
and then we’ll see.” he added with a confident smile. “Jisung?” he looked at Jisung intently.

The other boy sighed loudly, dramatically rolling his eyes and acting like it was a pain but still
getting up from Changbin’s lap nonetheless.

“Fine…” he whined before turning his head towards Felix. “Prepare to be amazed!” he exclaimed,
doing jazz hands before turning away to walk back towards the booth.

Felix softly laughed at Jisung’s extravagant behavior, thinking that he too, seemed to make it easy
for Felix to feel included and at peace. Maybe getting to know them would be easier than Felix
initially thought. This idea made him happy.

“Start by remembering your lyrics. That would amaze me!” Minho shouted behind Jisung who was
closing the door to the booth, making a funny face at Minho through the glass as a response.

The comment made everyone laugh in the room. It seemed to be an inside joke between them and
even though it wasn’t one he was a part of, Felix still didn’t feel left out of the moment, like he
could laugh alongside them nonetheless. For someone like Felix, who was easily worried about
whether or not people liked him, about whether or not he was seen as a nuisance by others, this felt
really good to have the feeling that he wasn’t left behind despite being the newcomer.

When Felix looked up, he caught Hyunjin looking at him. He was now slung over Minho’s body,
sitting on his lap with both his arms and his legs dangling from each side of the armchair. He
winked at Felix and Felix offered him a shy smile in return, looking away with his cheek feeling
slightly hot.

“Ready?” Chan asked once Jisung was in the booth, in front of the microphone, with the
headphones on.

“Give it to me, baby!” Jisung exclaimed in the mic, in surprisingly good english, making an okay
sign with his fingers to Chan through the glass.

Chan pressed a button on his laptop and for a few seconds Jisung simply bobbed his head,
enjoying a music only he could hear through his headphones. Everyone around Felix was talking or
minding their own business, not specially focusing on Jisung, but Felix was very curious. He had
only heard one single of their songs, the one he danced on in the dance studio, and he had still no
idea which voice belonged to who either. So he was silently looking at Jisung through the glass,
expectantly waiting for him to sing.

Then suddenly Jisung started to rap, his hand moving to the beat, his mouth almost pressed against
the wind screen of the mic. Felix wasn’t surprised that the boy could rap, he definitely seemed to
have the energy for it. He was, however, surprised by his voice, his style. Jisung had a very
specific rapping style and it was surprising, different but definitely suited him to a tee. Jisung’s
voice stopped and he started to listen to the music in his ears once again, waiting for his next turn
to sing. Felix already missed hearing his voice and he thought that if they were all as talented as he
was, it was no wonder that they became popular. He was impressed already.

Changbin got up from next to Felix to go join Chan behind the mixing table. His hands were on the
back of Chan’s chair, leaning above his shoulder to talk with him about something. Next to Felix,
Seungmin quickly took the now empty seat and smiled warmly.

“So, are you adjusting alright?” He asked Felix.

Felix was touched that Seungmin would take the time to check up on him, to make sure he was
doing okay in his new environment, even though they had only talked a little bit the day before. He
really didn’t have to be so considerate, but Felix thought it was a big part of the other boy’s
personality. Or at least that’s the impression he had since he met him. So he nodded briefly with a
sheepish smile.

“Everyone has been very friendly..” he said, genuinely happy about that. “I.. I didn’t expect such a
warm welcome honestly.” he then admitted with that shy smile of his.

Seungmin nodded, nothing but tenderness and genuineness in his eyes. He didn’t seem surprised at
all by the welcome he had received, contrary to Felix. He started to speak softly, only Felix, and
probably I.N who was close enough, being able to hear him.

“It may not seem like it just yet, but you’re family now. “he announced, so naturally that the words
surprised Felix. “We all think the same thing. Even though some of us won’t say it..” his eyes
glanced toward Minho for a fraction of a second, an amused smile teasing his lips before he turned
back to Felix. “We have your back so, let’s have a good time together, alright?”

Felix only had time to nod, a little dazed by the speech before Jisung exited the booth and Chan’s
voice boomed in the room again.

“Minnie. Your turn!” he instructed

“Yes, sir.” Seungmin chuckled.

He softly smiled at Felix and gave him a single, friendly pat on the head as he got up from the
couch, joining the booth that was now empty. In the meantime, Jisung went to the armchair where
Minho and Hyunjin were already seated and let himself fall on Hyunjin with all his weight. Minho
let out a loud “ooof”, being now crushed under both Hyunjin and Jisung. Hyunjin immediately
wrapped his long arms around Jisung, holding him so tight that Jisung laughed, trying to pry his
arms away to be able to breath again.

Felix watched them with the softest expression on his face. He didn’t know them very well, if not
at all yet. But the way they were all so comfortable and loving around one another was really
endearing to Felix and, watching them, he couldn’t help but feel a wave of tenderness towards all
of them, wash over him. Jisung caught him looking and smiled.
“Did I make you fall in love with me with my raw talent?” he asked, making his voice deeper and
offering him a smoldering look, as extravagant as ever.

“Definitely!” Felix immediately retorted with a small laugh, not thinking twice about it.

Jisung answered with a wink before quickly enough being smacked behind the head by Minho who
had managed to free one of his arms from under his two friends. Jisung turned his head towards
Minho, whose head was the only thing visible under the mass of bodies. He leaned and smacked an
audible kiss on the other boy’s forehead, Minho making a disgusted sound at the gesture. The
whole thing made Hyunjin laugh, and both Minho and Jisung were smiling too.

Felix found their dynamic too cute. But he couldn’t help but be a little jealous of the fact that he
wasn’t the one cuddling with them, already feeling the need to touch someone. It had only been a
couple of minutes since he and Hyunjin had been in bed together, even less since Changbin had his
arm around his shoulders, but still, Felix already wanted some more human contact. So, since I.N
was the only one sitting next to him, he did the most natural thing to him and let his head fall on
the younger’s shoulder.

I.N slightly turned his head towards Felix, probably surprised by his sudden affectionate gesture.
Felix felt a little weird, afraid that I.N would find it inappropriate coming from him since they
didn’t know each other.

“Is that okay?” he whispered to the younger boy, a little anxiously.

After a second, I.N shrugged his shoulder under Felix’s head, focusing back on his computer
screen.

“Sure.” he said.

His voice didn’t seem bothered, so Felix relaxed a bit and focused back on the booth where
Seungmin was now ready, headphones on and everything. Just like Jisung, he listened to the music
calmly until it was his turn to sing. Seungmin’s voice was angelic and still powerful. He was
engrossed in his singing, closing his eyes while hitting high notes. It was really beautiful to hear.
Felix thought that this sort of voice, this sort of energy was really fitting for someone like
Seungmin that seemed so warm, calm and tender. Without realizing it, Felix started to softly tap to
an inexistent beat with his foot while listening to Seungmin’s calming voice.

As Seungmin was finishing up his recording, Changbin came back, falling in the second armchair.
Seungmin got out of the booth and went to sit on the arm of Changin’s chair, the latter giving him a
high-five with a smile to congratulate him for a job well done. At the same time, Chan was calling
for Minho to take his turn in the booth. Minho was struggling under Hyunjin and Jisung, trying to
free himself to get up while the other two didn’t seem to want to make it easier for him.

“I’ll kill you!” he exclaimed and both Jisung and Hyunjin laughed, getting up to finally free Minho.

As soon as Minho was up, Jisung let himself fall back in the empty armchair, swinging his legs
over the arm. Instead of sitting back with him, Hyunjin moved to the couch, to the empty space
next to Felix. Felix lifted his head from I.N’s shoulder to look at him.

“You’re having fun, baby?” he asked with a smile, lifting his hand to brush away a strand of hair
falling in front of Felix’s face with the tip of his finger.

Felix smiled back, still quite shyly, with a little nod. At this precise moment, a lot of things went on
around the room that Felix didn’t notice. Chan, who got up to take out his sweatshirt, almost
missed his chair while sitting back down, hearing Hyunjin call Felix ‘baby’ again, a cough taking
him once more. Minho, standing in the booth, rolled his eyes so high only his whites were visible.
I.N shighed while Changbin chuckled, the first one reaching in his pocket and grabbing a bill and
extending it to the latter, who took it with a smug smile and shoved it in his own pocket. Jisung
opened his mouth, eyebrows up and blinked a few times while looking at Hyunjin and Felix before
silently mouthing “..what the..?” towards Changbin and Seungmin. And Seungmin was simply
watching the whole thing with a calm, knowing smile on his face, like nothing in this scene was a
surprise to him.

But Felix was blissfully ignorant, still under the impression that Hyunjin’s little nickname for him
was just something normal and natural, something he called everyone else too.

“Whenever you’re ready?” Minho announced in the mic, talking to Chan, a little bit impatiently.

“Yeah, sorry.” Chan cleared his throat and pressed a few buttons on his mixing table. “Go.” he
gestured towards Minho.

As casually as ever, Hyunjin slid his legs on Felix’s lap, plopping his chin on the other’s shoulder
with a little content sigh. Obviously Felix’s body instinctively reacted, one of his hands falling on
one of Hyunjin’s thighs whilst his other hand found its way being the tall blond’s head, his fingers
playing with the long strands covering Hyunjin’s neck unconsciously. He turned his head to focus
on Minho in the booth, a warm fuzzy feeling taking over his stomach from being coddled like he
wanted to, once more.

Minho’s voice was surprisingly pretty. Clean, powerful, enchanting. Felix had almost expected for
him to have a rougher voice when he was singing, maybe even to rap, just like Jisung had. Maybe
because he was always playing such a tough, finicky role since Felix had met him. But his singing
voice was the opposite of what he had expected. It suited him, if Felix kept in mind what Hyunjin
had said, that Minho was actually a softie at heart. And Felix started to see that himself, but he was
still pleasantly surprised by Minho’s singing. It had both an edge and a purity to it, a duality that
made his voice so interesting to listen to. And looking at him through the glass, it was clear he
loved what he was doing, because when he was singing, there were no more pretenses, his face
simply showed exactly what he felt. It was just one more proof to Felix that music was such a
magical thing.

After a little while, Minho wrapped up his recording and got out of the booth, going straight back
to Jisung, sitting on his lap casually, the other boy wrapping his arms around Minho’s stomach.

“Hyunjin, wanna go next?” Chan called out, raising his voice slightly.

“Sure thing!” Hyunjin called back loudly to Chan, his chin still on Felix’s shoulder. “Make sure to
look at me..” he then whispered in Felix’s ear, his voice low and smooth.

And then he simply got up, winked and turned his back to walk to the booth, leaving Felix flushing
once more because of his behavior.
 Oh.. I Know.
Chapter Notes

Already more than 2k hits? You guys are crazy! Thank you so much ♥

As Hyunjin slowly made his way to the booth, it was hard for Felix to take his eyes away from
him. He had told him to watch him after all, but even if he hadn’t, Felix had a suspicion his pupils
would’ve followed him anyway. Hyunjin had this hypnotizing effect on Felix that the boy simply
couldn’t understand. It had started as soon as Felix had laid eyes on him in the entrance, when he
first arrived at the house. And it had not faded one bit since, if anything it only became stronger.

But Felix couldn’t explain it. He still wasn’t ready to admit he had a crush on the tall blond who
was always teasing and touching him. Because to him it was a childish, immature reaction to catch
feelings this quickly and surely, if the feelings manifested this fast it could only be a momentary
thing, a physical reaction due to how beautiful Hyunjin was and how lonely Felix had been feeling
for years. If he admitted to himself that it was anything more than that, it would become real, and
then he could be disappointed, he could be hurt. And he already had his fair share of that in the
past. So no, he wasn’t ready to call this a crush, even though it sure looked a lot like one.

Everyone was strangely quiet while Hyunjin was making his way to the booth, even though they
all had been so loud just minutes before. Felix glanced around, only daring to take his eyes off of
Hyunjin for a second, and saw most of them looking at him. At least it was the impression he had,
but everyone had already looked away when he tried to meet their stare. That was weird, Felix
couldn’t deny it, but honestly his thoughts were too occupied with the fact that he needed to keep
his eyes on Hyunjin. Because Hyunjin asked him to, and he didn’t want to disappoint him. He was
also extremely curious to hear him perform, even more curious than he had been for the others.

Once he was behind the mic, Hyunjin took a second to take a hair tie from his wrist and gather part
of his long hair in a tiny ponytail at the back of his head, two long strands still dangling in front of
his face. He then slid the headphones on his head gracefully and made an okay sign to Chan
through the glass.

Felix didn’t really know what to expect when it came to Hyunjin’s singing. His features were so
soft and angelic that Felix couldn’t imagine his singing voice being nothing short of that. But then
again, he also had this more confident side to him, this sexiness he exuded, sometimes on purpose
but mostly, without even realizing it. Felix had seen this side of him when he was dancing, each
time he uttered the word ‘baby’ after giving him a command, and he could see it now as Hyunjin
slowly wrapped his long, slender fingers around the mic, licking his lower lip with the tip of his
tongue, getting ready for his verse.

So Felix didn’t know what sort of singing voice was going to come out of Hyunjin’s mouth, but
still when Hyunjin’s lips finally parted, the first words of his verse coming out, Felix wasn’t
prepared. Rapping. Hyunjin was rapping. That, he hadn’t seen coming. And he was good at it.
Better than good. As soon as he started spitting the words to the microphone, his demeanor
changed. His expression became rougher, his gaze intense, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. Exactly
like when he danced.

This face combined with that voice, rapping, flowing effortlessly.. It did something to Felix, he
couldn’t deny it. As he was staring at Hyunjin through the glass of the booth, his lips slightly
parted by the surprise, he unconsciously clenched his thighs together, feeling the effect Hyunjin
had on him at this moment in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t realize it, but Felix was teasing his
lower lip a lot, with his tongue, his finger, his teeth, during the whole time he was watching
Hyunjin. And when the other boy sent a short glance in his direction, a cocky smile on the corner
of his lips while still continuing to sing, Felix briefly forgot how to breath altogether.

Felix had no idea if hours or seconds passed before Hyunjin took off the headphones and left the
booth, because he had been so entranced by him that he had lost the notion of time. And even while
the tall blond was making his way back to the couch, Felix was still looking, staring. He couldn’t
help it. Hyunjin smiled, looking at him too until he reached the couch. He let himself fall next to
Felix, his head instantly finding its place on Felix’s shoulder without a word. Felix didn’t know if
he should make a comment or not.

“Showoff.” Jisung mumbled, but the smile on his lips made it clear that he was just teasing.

Hyunjin extended his long leg to try and reach the armchair to kick Jisung without actually having
to move, missing his goal by only a little bit.

“Changbin next?” Chan asked from his spot behind the mixing table.

Changbin nodded, got up, stretching his arms above his head as he walked to the booth and started
to get ready for his turn while Chan was turning a few buttons. Next to him Felix felt Hyunjin
move slightly, keeping his head on Felix’s shoulder but getting in a more comfortable position, his
body slouched on his side of the couch, feet dangling from the side.

“Did you like it?” Hyunjin asked softly.

Felix was slightly surprised by the question. And he realized that even though Hyunjin had been so
cocky and confident in the booth, while he was doing his thing, that maybe he wanted some praise
from Felix, maybe he wasn’t as sure of himself as he made it look. Having someone telling you
you did good was important, Felix knew that and so he softly raised his hand to the back of
Hyunjin’s head.

“You did good.” he said tenderly, giving him a soft pat behind the head as a form of
congratulation.

And Felix couldn’t see it in this position, but Hyunjin’s cheek slightly turned pink at the
compliment. He moved his head to bury his face in the crook of Felix’s neck, slightly rubbing the
tip of his nose against Felix's soft, sensitive skin for a second before settling there. Once more
Felix pressed his thighs together. His neck was one of his weaknesses, he was very sensitive there
and he could feel very clearly how close Hyunjin’s lips were to his skin. And all he could imagine
now were those full, delicious looking lips pressing against his pulse. It was highly inappropriate
and Felix felt guilty for even having this kind of images invading his mind, but he couldn’t stop it.

Since his hand was already behind Hyunjin’s head, his fingers absently found the little ponytail
and, as gently as he could, without pulling on his hair, he managed to untangle the hair tie to free
his long blond locks. Sliding the hair tie around his own wrist, he could now freely comb his tiny
fingers through the strands to his heart content. Hyunjin hummed his approval in Felix’s neck, the
sound reverberating through Felix’s whole body, almost forcing him to close his eyes, not only to
enjoy it fully, but also to get a grip on himself.
In the armchair, Minho and Jisung were whispering to one another, glancing at Hyunjin and Felix
here and there. Even Chan seemed to be keeping watch from the corner of his eye while still doing
his job. But Felix was too engrossed in his own inner struggle to notice it. By pure force of will he
managed to focus back on Changbin before the boy in the booth started his verse.

As expected, Changbin started rapping. It was what suited his dark, mysterious aesthetic the best,
so Felix had guessed pretty easily that the boy would be a rapper. He was still shocked by
Changbin’s flow though, how quickly he could rap, making it sound like it was easy, smooth,
flawless. His singing voice was exceptionally raspy and hoarse, way more than his talking voice
was. It gave him an edge, a particularity that Felix had never heard anywhere else. Changbin’s
rapping was very unique. And Felix started to realize that every member had a very unique
musicality and that all these voices that looked like they might not match with each other were
actually perfect together.

Changbin wrapped his part up pretty quickly, leaving the booth to go back to sit with Seungmin on
the second armchair, the other boy giving him a warm tap on the back for his good work.

“Jeongin, your turn!” Chan called.

I.N was focused on his computer, clicking, dragging and typing away, not even hearing Chan
calling to him at first. Seungmin gave him a little kick in the calf with his foot, forcing him to look
up just as Chan raised his voice again;

“Baby bread, come on!” he exclaimed, and I.N finally closed his laptop and got up.

“Baby bread?” Felix asked, amused and intrigued by the nickname, as I.N was already walking to
the booth.

“Yeah. He called himself that, don’t ask.” Hyunjin chuckled in his neck.

His lips softly brushed against the skin of Felix’s neck with every word he said, sending shivers
through Felix in waves. Hyunjin’s voice was muffled by his position but he also seemed a little
sleepy, like he would happily fall asleep right there at any moment. Felix, himself, was more
awake than ever because of Hyunjin and his unconscious teasing. Still, despite the embarrassment
and the inappropriate thoughts, Felix loved being able to coddle someone like he was doing with
Hyunjin, taking care of him and making him feel cozy and comfortable. This was the sort of thing
that never failed to make Felix happy.

Caressing Hyunjin’s hair, Felix very softly grazed his scalp with his short nails each time he was
bringing his fingers down from the top of Hyunjin’s head to the hair resting on his neck. This
seemed to please Hyunjin very much because he made a noise, between a purr and a moan, rubbing
the tip of his nose against Felix’s neck once more. The sound was very soft, almost inaudible with
Hyunjin’s head buried in his neck like that but still, his ears picked up the noise right away. And
his whole face immediately felt very hot because of it. But unaware of the effect he had on the
other boy, Hyunjin slid his arm around Felix, resting his hand on his stomach, moving ever so
slightly closer to him again, like a sleepy cat looking to feed off of the warmth his body had to
offer.

Like before, Felix tried to focus back on the booth in order to pry his thoughts away from Hyunjin,
from his lips against his neck, his hand on his stomach, his little noises of appreciation every time
Felix’s nails softly scraped his scalp. It was getting harder and harder to do, but he managed to
focus his eyes on I.N, who was already bobbing his head to the music playing in his ears.

I.N looked just as comfortable behind the mic as any of them. Clearly he wasn’t letting the fact that
he was the youngest of the group be an obstacle for him. It was even clearer to Felix when I.N
actually opened his mouth to sing. His voice was so pure, it could rival with Seungmin and
Minho’s high, clean voices easily. He was mastering his vocal cords perfectly, making it look so
easy. Not only was he good with computers and editing, he was also insanely talented singing-wise.

Apparently all the members of the band were well rounded, able to strive on so many different
levels instead of just focusing on one. To Felix it was probably the most impressive thing of all,
their versatility, the raw talent that was packed in this one single room, between all of them. He felt
honored, and a little bit overwhelmed, to be able to stand with them and witness all that firsthand.
And he had a suspicion that he hadn’t seen it all yet. Like some of the members had even more to
offer. Judging by what he heard, for example, he was pretty sure the Jisung was also an
exceptional singer on top of being an extraordinary rapper, and that Hyunjin singing was probably
as good as his rapping skills as well. He had no proof of any of that yet, but it felt that way.

Before I.N finished his recording, Changbin got up to go back towards Chan at the mixing table.
When I.N got out of the booth he tried to make his way back to the couch but Seungmin grabbed
him as he passed and pulled him with him on the armchair, wrapping his arms around him despite
the younger feigning to struggle against his show of affection.

“Your turn now Leader!” Changbin said, giving Chan a tap on the back.

Chan got up from his chair, Changbin taking his place behind the mixing tables. He took a quick
look around the room to see all the other members. He seemed to always be checking up on them
no matter the place and the time.

“Channie, Jinnie is sleeping during work hours!” Jisung exclaimed, always ready to tease his
friends, pointing at Hyunjin.

Felix knew Hyunjin wasn’t asleep. Not completely at least. Because he could feel his breath on his
neck, a little too accurately. And his breathing wasn’t regular enough for him to have fallen asleep.
On top of that, Hyunjin was absently playing with the fabric of Felix’s shirt between his fingers, on
his stomach where his hand now resided.

“Hyunjin, no sleeping.” Chan stated, walking towards the couch to give Hyunjin a little tap behind
the head.

“But Felix is so comfy..” Hyunjin complained, not moving his face from the other’s neck, gripping
Felix’s shirt a little tightly.

“Oh.. I know.” Chan simply answered, a smirk on the corner of his lips, and Hyunjin finally looked
up at him at that. “Still.. No sleeping.” he added and ruffled Hyunjin’s hair.

Hyunjin pulled away from Felix with a sigh, crossing his arms on his chest, a pout stretching his
full lips. All the while, Chan walked away to the booth. All the others had been watching the
exchange curiously, but Felix didn’t realize that. He had a feeling something was going on around
him but he wasn’t sure what. What he knew though, was that he finally felt like he could breathe
normally again, now that Hyunjin’s lips weren’t brushing against his soft spot anymore.

Chan entered the booth, gearing up and, through the glass, he glanced at Felix, offering him a
cheeky wink. That made Felix smile brightly. He was excited. He hadn’t seen or even really heard
Chan sing in years. For a long time, back then, it had been his favorite sound in the whole world.
So he was obviously very focused on his friends, smiling like an idiot as he waited to hear that very
special sound once more. Hyunjin was looking at Felix from the corner of his eye, passing his
tongue on his lips.
Chan’s voice was still the same, so beautiful, so powerful and yet, to Felix’s ears, so nostalgic. But
he had improved a lot since Felix last heard him, he had found his sound, his musicality and it
made his voice and his performance even better than Felix could remember. He couldn’t stop
smiling, nostalgia and pride shining in his eyes as he looked at his friend. He was so engrossed in
Chan that he barely registered that Hyunjin was pulling him towards him. Felix only realized it
when his back was already pressed to Hyunjin, as Hyunjin was wrapping his arms around his neck,
holding him tightly.

“Felix?” Hyunjin said softly, his mouth almost next to Felix’s ear.

“Um?” Felix asked, repressing the shiver running down his back at the low sound of his name in
Hyunjin’s voice, his eyes still glued to Chan, focusing on his friend.

“Baby?” Hyunjin called again, this time his voice even lower, his mouth even closer to Felix’s ear,
using that nickname that had too much effect on him for some reason.

So finally Felix felt compelled to take his eyes off of Chan, who was almost done with his
recording already and to turn his head to the side to be able to see Hyunjin, behind him, from the
corner of his eye.

“Yeah?” he asked, giving him his shy signature smile.

When Hyunjin’s eyes found Felix’s brown orbs, he simply smiled and softly shook his head left
and right.

“Nothing.” he announced, tightening his hold on Felix imperceptibly.

Felix raised one eyebrow with a little confused frown, looking at Hyunjin but the other simply
continued to smile and so Felix turned his head back to the booth once more. Chan was coming out
of it and instinctively, Felix’s bright, happy smile crept back up on his lips.

“Looks like you still have it!” Felix said, looking up at Chan.

“You know it!” Chan shot back, raising his hand for a high-five when he arrived closer to the
couch.

Felix lifted his tiny hand to slam it against Chan’s palm with a giggle. Chan then let himself fall on
the empty space next to Felix on the couch while Changbin was also making his way towards
them, sitting on the arm of the couch next to Chan.

“Best Leader!” Jisung yelled and clapped in his hands.

Chan laughed, shaking softly his head, but he looked a little bit flustered by the compliment. Felix
wasn’t surprised. Despite how extraordinary Chan was, he always had a hard time accepting
compliments, always trying to say things like “I can’t take all the credit” or “it was a group effort”
instead of accepting the praise he deserved. He was a little more open with taking compliments
coming from Felix but only because the other boy had spent years working on it.

“It’s not done though. We still have to figure out what to do for “that” part..Right?” Seungmin
asked, looking at Chan who nodded in answer.

“You guys can take a break if you want, but yeah, we still need to debrief on that.” he sighed
before getting up, going straight back to his mixing table. Clearly he wasn’t taking a break himself.
Seungmin and Changbin followed Chan, starting a conversation between the three of them,
probably about the issue they had to fix, that Felix didn’t know anything about. Hyunjin’s arms left
Felix’s neck as the other boy was getting up, stretching his arms above his head and taking a few
steps in the room to stretch his legs too. Minho moved to sit with I.N, putting his arm around his
shoulders while the younger started to excitedly explain things to him, showing him his computer
screen. And Jisung made his way to the couch, letting himself fall next to Felix.

“Yo, bro!” he exclaimed with his ever present smile. “So.. Who was the best today, um? It was me,
wasn’t it?” he wiggled his eyebrow giving his face a comedic effect. “C’mon, you can tell me.” he
added, poking Felix’s shoulder.

Felix feigned to think about it, rubbing his chin with his fingers under Jisung’s gaze.

“You know you want to say it..”

Jisung then poked Felix in the side. The blond almost shriek at that. The truth was, he was
extremely ticklish if people knew where to poke and tickle him, and Jisung seemed to have found
the right spot while poking him randomly. Jisung looked at him, his smile slowly growing as Felix
could see in his eyes the realization of Felix’s situation. Before he could react, Jisung had both his
hands on Felix’s sides, tickling him furiously. Flix tried to resist but soon enough he was exploding
in a booming fit of laughter, the sound loud and especially deep.

“Felix!” Chan’s voice echoed suddenly.

Jisung stopped his attacks and Felix looked back at Chan, surprised that he was calling him so
suddenly, wondering if he was going to lecture him for being too loud or something in that vein.
But Chan had a big, sweet smile on his lips, which confused Felix even more.

“Felix.. my sweet little sunshine..” Chan started, his voice as sweet as honey, almost like he was
trying to butter up Felix as he got up, walking towards the couch.

Felix frowned, confused, but it didn’t take long for him to understand. He knew Chan like the back
of his hand and that smile, that sweet tone, the little nickname.. All that meant that Chan wanted
something from him. Felix didn’t know what, but he had a feeling it wasn’t simply a hug.

“No.” Felix shook his head with a little smile, amused that Chan still thought this kind of method
would work on him. “Whatever it is you want, it’s no.” he added.

But he knew that it was Chan facing him, and whatever Chan needed, Felix would inevitably break
and give it to him. He just hoped it wouldn’t be something too big or complicated. But Felix had no
idea what Chan actually had in mind for him.
 The Penguin Incident
Chapter Notes

You're all giving me so much love I can't believe it! I never thought this story would
blew up like this. Y'all are making me very happy ♥

Reminder that every dialogue in italic is actually spoken in English!

“I just need a tiny little favor..” Chan said in their native language, trying to act all cute to lure
Felix into agreeing.

Felix got up to face Chan properly, crossing his arms on his chest to give himself a tougher look.
Even though, really, it was a pathetic attempt at physically protecting himself against Chan’s
charms, that always worked on him no matter what.

“Yeah, I bet.” Felix snorted. “Last time you said that I ended up being expelled for two days for
showing to school in a penguin costume. So..” he shrugged like this anecdote was reason enough
not to grant Chan whatever he wanted.

Chan bursted out laughing, nodding, probably remembering the famous penguin incident Felix was
talking about. He took a few seconds before finally calming down from his outburst, wiping a tear
from the corner of his eye. Felix was trying very hard not to laugh with him at the memory.

“Yeah, that was a good day..” Chan said, traces of laughter still audible in his voice. “But no
penguins this time, I swear.” he quickly added, raising his right hand like he was taking an oath.

Their little interaction seemed to have garnered the attention of the rest of the group. All the
members were looking at them from different sides of the room, probably not understanding
anything since they were talking in English and only Jisung seemed proficient enough in the
language.

“What are they saying?” Hyunjin whispered - not so discreetly - to Jisung, leaning towards him.

“Something about.. penguins?” Jisung answered, receiving dubious looks from the others. He
shook his head. “Their accent is so strong I barely understand anything.” he defended himself with
a shrug.

“Maybe it’s a secret code..” I.N wondered before everyone focused back on Chan and Felix.

All the while, Chan was staring at Felix with the sweetest smile on his lips, pressing his hands
together in a sign of prayer, looking at him with puppy-dog eyes.

“What do you want..?” Felix sighed, Chan’s smile growing.

“Well see, the thing is.. I really.. Well it’s more like we..” Chan struggled to phrase his sentence the
right way to maximize his chances of Felix agreeing.

“Spit it out, Christopher.”

Chan chuckled at Felix calling him by his full name. Before actually answering Felix though, his
eyes briefly darted towards the recording booth and that was when it hit Felix. He had a very
strong suspicion he knew exactly what Chan was trying to ask of him.

“No. No way.” he quickly refused, shaking his head adamantly.

“Hear me out..

“I don’t sing.” Felix pointed out to his friend.

“That’s bullshit! I know how..” Chan started

“It was a long time ago. And I don’t.. I’m not..” he sighed. “I’m not like you.” he gestured vaguely
around the room to show he wasn’t speaking specifically about Chan but about all the other guys
too.

Around them the silence in the room was so complete you could’ve heard a pin drop. Nobody
understood what was said and still they all were hanging to every word coming out of Chan and
Felix’s mouth, watching them in turn like they were watching a particularly interesting drama.

“What are they saying now?” Hyunjin asked Jisung, just like before.

“I think Chan is asking Felix to go out with him..” he said with an exaggerated shrug. He knew
very well this wasn’t the case, but being the only one understanding English, he wanted to mess
with the others, especially Hyunjin.

“What!?” Hyunjin exclaimed loudly, eyes wide.

“Shhh!”

The shushing came from Seungmin, Changbin, I.N and even Minho all in perfect unison, their
index on their mouth as they gestured Hyunjin to shut up so they could all focus back on what was
happening between Chan and Felix who were both too engrossed in their conversation to pick up
on the scene going on around them. Hyunjin crossed his arms on his chest with a pout, staring at
the two friends with way less enthusiasm than before.

“That’s total bullsh..” Chan was about to repeat again but he sighed before finishing his sentence.
He had never been able to make Felix believe he was talented in the past and he wasn’t going to be
able to do it here either, so he switched his strategy instead. “Listen.. It’s just for this once. I really
need you.. Please?”

“You have a whole band, I don’t get why it’s me specifically you need..” Felix pointed out,
confused as to why Chan was even losing his time with this.

“We already tried it with the others. This part of the song needs to be sung deep and nobody can go
low enough, not even Changbin and you.. well, you know.” he explained, gesturing towards Felix at
the end, like it was explanation enough.

“I’m not even part of the band.. It’s not my place to intrude in that kind of stuff..” Felix tried to
rationalize. “And I would probably ruin your whole track..” he added with a little defeated shrug.

“You..” Chan started, raising his voice with a little frown. But he thought better of lecturing Felix
about his insecurities and stopped himself. “It’s a one time thing. Nobody will know it was you, I
swear. If it doesn’t sound good, we’ll scrap it and I’ll think of something else so.. Just try.. Please?
For me? ”
And once more, Chan made his puppy eyes at Felix, offering that small, hopeful smile Felix hated
so much just because of how much he loved it. And because when Chan was making this face,
Felix knew how weak he always became. And despite his conviction, his anxiety and his
insecurities about the whole thing, today was no exception to this rule.

“I hate you..” he mumbled, sighing loudly. “Fine… But only once and that’s it! ” he quickly
warned, pointing at Chan.

As soon as Felix said ‘Fine’, Chan’s whole face started to shine with pure happiness and
excitement, a huge smile taking over his lips. He quickly grabbed Felix’s face with both his hands,
putting them on Felix’s cheeks and leaning to press a hard, wet, loud kiss on the blond’s forehead.

“I love you!” he exclaimed way too cheerfully, switching naturally back to Korean.

“Yeah, yeah, I know..” Felix chuckled softly, pushing Chan’s face away from him. “Let’s just get
this over with, okay?”

Chan nodded eagerly and grabbed Felix’s arm, already dragging him towards the recording booth
without taking notice of the rest of the band or explaining them anything about the whole situation.

“Did he..? Did they just..? What’s happening!?” Hyunjin stuttered, his eyes wide from the shock
the end of this conversation caused him.

Minho shrugged with a little shake of his head, a silent “I have no idea” in response to Hyunjin
worries. The members' eyes all followed Chan and Felix, seeing the former push the latter inside
the recording booth, giving him two thumbs up and leaving him there to go straight back behind
his mixing table.

“Wait, what the..?” Changbin asked, confused and very surprised by this turn of event, just like
they all were, since Chan hadn’t explained anything to any of them.

Chan had given him his phone, with the lyrics displayed on it, briefly explaining to him which part
he was supposed to sing and that the deeper he could go, the better, before leaving him alone in the
booth. Felix had been so invested in his argument with Chan, trying not to give in to his puppy-dog
eyes that for a moment he had forgotten the others were in the room too. In fact, when he had
stupidly accepted Chan’s request, he still didn’t think that it would mean singing in front of
everyone, not just in front of Chan. And now that he was in the booth, that was when he
remembered. That was when the anxiety started to really get to him.

He let himself glance at the members from the corner of his eye and regretted it immediately,
finding them all staring at him with confused and surprised looks on their faces. Quickly he turned
his eyes back to Chan, already preparing to tell him he changed his mind. But his friend looked so
happy, so excited still, from behind his mixing table, that Felix couldn’t bring himself to ruin it for
him. No matter how much he was about to embarrass himself in front of everyone.

His hands slightly shaking from the anxiety, Felix lifted the headphones to place them on his head
like he had seen the others do before him, Chan watching him, waiting for him to be ready. After a
deep inhale and cursing himself mentally for putting himself in that situation, he silently nodded at
Chan through the glass.

Looking over the lyrics Chan had given him, it seemed like he only had a few lines to perform, and
it was also the very first verse of the whole track. Soon the music filled his ears. He closed his
eyes, trying to calm his breathing, trying to forget the eyes that were on him, to forget years of
insecurities and self-criticism about his voice and to only remember he was doing it for Chan.
Trying to remember what he used to feel when he was singing with his best friend, when they were
nothing more than two stupid teenagers with big dreams, messing around.

Having a beat to focus on helped somewhat and soon he was lightly tapping his foot against the
ground, following the melody that was playing in his ears. The part he was supposed to sing was
coming fast, so he forced himself to open his eyes, focusing back on the words written in black
Arial font staring back at him on Chan’s phone. One deep breath later and his time had come.

Felix leaned towards the mic and opened his mouth. The sound coming out of it was so deep
nobody could’ve expected it to come from someone like him. He had a naturally deep voice when
he talked and that, alone, often surprised people because of his small stature and cute face. But
when he sang, his pitch sometimes became even lower, almost sounding more like growls than
actual words if he didn’t enunciate properly. His verse was slow, half-rapping half-speaking really.
It suited the tempo for the start of the track and it also suited Felix’s voice almost to perfection.
Not that he, himself could realize it.

With each word coming out of his mouth, Felix was reminded of how much he loved music on top
of dancing. He could remember in vivid details that time Chan and him went to karaoke for the
first time, leading to Chan discovering Felix’s talent. He could see in his mind all those times they
would lock themselves in Chan’s room of Felix’s basement, writing songs, creating choreographies
and practicing both until late in the night for nobody else’s entertainment but their own. And he
had to admit, no matter how anxious he was, no matter how insecure he was about sounding
absolutely horrible to everyone’s ears, singing felt liberating. It felt good, for the very short time it
lasted.

But soon he arrived at the end of his verse and quickly after that, the music in his ears died, a sign
that he was done and could leave the booth. Taking off his headphones slowly, he looked up at
Chan. His friend was absolutely beaming with pride and unfiltered happiness. But it wasn’t Chan’s
reaction he was afraid of. With one hand, he placed the headphones back on the mic where he
found them and took a few steps, opening the door and stepping out of the booth. Only then did he
finally look up, meeting six pairs of eyes staring at him in utter shock. Even Seungmin, who
normally looked composed, always with this knowing gleam in his eyes, was simply, utterly frozen
in surprise.

“What was.. THAT!?” I.N suddenly exclaimed after a long, awkward silence during which they
simply all stared at him, almost unblinking.

“Sorry, it probably sounded pretty bad..” Felix forced himself to chuckle despite the anxiety,
scratching the back of his head. “It was Chan’s idea but I’m not..” he started, feeling like he needed
to give explanations as to why he embarrassed himself this way.

“It was..” Seungmin cut him off.

“How did you..” Changbin tried to say.

“I didn’t know..” Jisung started.

“I think..” Minho opened his mouth to say.

They all started their sentences at the same time, in a mess of voices. Quickly they all stopped
talking to let the others go ahead, resulting in the silence coming back to the room, all eyes still
glued to Felix, nobody seeming to take the lead to finish a full sentence.

“Wow..” Hyunjin’s voice finally echoed in the room.

He was just standing there, his arms dangling on each side of him, his mouth slightly open while
looking at Felix with what looked like a mixture of surprise and pure amazement. Suddenly
Hyunjin let himself fall on the arm of the couch behind him, like he needed to sit down after what
he had just witnessed. And, still silent, the others simply nodded in sync at Hyunjin’s statement.

“Right!?” Chan suddenly exclaimed, jogging towards Felix.

He crashed into him without any restraint, his arms wide open to hug him from the side, this wide
grin never leaving his lips. Just for this smile, Felix thought it was worth it. Even if, by any chance,
his recording ended up sounding like garbage, or the other members ended up telling him he was
an awful singer, making Chan that happy made it all a hundred percent worth it. So finally, a little
bit of his anxiety was alleviated and he was able to offer a genuine smile to his best friend.

This seemed to put a stop to the daze the other members were stuck in because, before he could
really realize what was happening, his hug with Chan transformed into a massive group hug, every
member holding on to him and to each other, loudly cheering, the words becoming
incomprehensible in the cacophony. And Felix felt his body relax substantially. They didn’t laugh,
they didn’t find him awful, they didn’t tell him he should never sing again. Instead, they were
cheering him on, yelling how amazing his voice sounded. And even though Felix was unable to
believe those praises, the fact that they were spoken out loud was enough for him to feel happy.
Genuinely, completely and utterly happy. Like he had rarely been before.

The chaotic hug lasted for several minutes. Slowly the guys started to get tired of screaming and
jumping around until all of them decided to separate and go back to sit on the couch and the
armchairs together. Minho and Jisung were in one armchair, Jisung sitting with Minho on his lap.
The more Felix spent time around the group the more he started to realize that those two seemed
almost inseparable. Seungmin was sitting in the second armchair, Changbin next to him, on the
side of the chair, his arm casually slung over the back of it. I.N was cross-legged on the floor,
facing the couch, his laptop closed next to him. Felix had taken a spot on the couch, Hyunjin on his
left and Chan seated on the arm of the couch on his right, one hand softly pressed on Felix’s
shoulder.

“So.. You were a singer back in Australia? You should’ve told us!” Jisung exclaimed.

“Not at all..” Felix chuckled, shaking his head. He had a hard time wrapping his head around why
the other boy would even think that.

“A dancer then?” Hyunjin asked.

He was the only one, except Chan who had seen Felix dance so the question took the others a little
by surprise but still they waited, curious about Felix’s answer. Felix didn’t think he had the skills
required to be either of those things. Not even in a million years. But it was really flattering that the
other members seemed to think the opposite. Felix couldn’t help but think that they were
exaggerating, trying to be nice. But still, being praised and encouraged for his musical prowess
was such a rare and foreign thing in his life that he still felt immensely grateful to them for their
comments.
“No.. I was a law student.” he shrugged.

“A law…” I.N started, stopping to shake his head in disbelief. “Why?”

Felix shrugged again as a response. That was a big, prickly mess he didn’t want to jump into. His
very strict parents’ way of thinking. The numerous times they had threatened to throw him out if he
didn’t comply, criticising his music and his dancing until he was almost brainwashed into thinking
that those things were foolish and a waste of time, despite how much he loved them. And the years
he had spent, hating his life and himself a little more every day, all the while keeping up with his
studies and the multitude of activities he was sent to, in hopes that he could finally please his
parents.. All of this was just a little much to share just yet.

Chan was the only one in the know about all of this. And he must have felt Felix’s discomfort
because he squeezed softly his shoulder between his fingers before speaking up, with this booming
voice he seemed to use when he was playing his ‘Leader’ role.

“Leave the kid alone.” he chuckled. “And anyway, you’re all missing the important point here!”

“Which is?” Jisung asked.

“We have a new song!”

And this time, when they all cheered, Felix joined them. It was a one time thing for him, this had
been made clear when he agreed to do this for Chan. He was no singer, he would only drag them
down if he was actually involved in their music. At least this was what he thought, knowing that
his skills were mediocre next to them all. But for this one and only time, he could feel proud about
the fact that his voice was part of a Stray Kids song. So he cheered and screamed, letting himself
be as loud as them. And, for only a few seconds, he pictured himself as part of the team, savouring
this feeling of belonging as much as he could before reality could come crashing down, reminding
him that he was just a bystander.
 Baby Thunder
Chapter Notes

Not a lot happens in this chapter, I'm sorry about that! I'm not 100% proud of this
chapter but I promise to do better with the next one, so I hope you'll be excited for it!
♥

It took a little while before they all settled down. It seemed like the guys had an almost infinite
amount of energy when it came to being loud and chaotic. But it was already starting to get pretty
late in the day and their earthly needs started to creep up on them. They we’re basically all
starving, the case in point being Jisung’s stomach growling loudly. So they decided it was time to
wrap up the day, make some food and rest.

Felix wasn’t against the idea at all. The day had been full of surprises and so he was still riding on
the adrenaline rush of it all, feeling pretty energetic. But slowly his body was starting to remind
him that he had spent several hours dancing in the studio this morning, his limbs getting more sore
by the second,

While walking back up the stairs, they excitedly talked about what they should have for dinner,
Chan deciding he would be the one to cook for everyone tonight. Felix was simply following the
movement, listening to them as they all walked to the living room. All the boys rushed to find their
place on the couch, fighting for the best spots, except Chan who was already making his way to
the kitchen. Felix decided to follow him. He still had this nagging feeling that he was intruding
here and to counter that, he wanted to do as much as could to help. So he wanted to assist Chan
while he was cooking. Maybe he could even make some more brownies, or some cookies.

He could still hear the boys talk and bicker loudly as he disappeared in the kitchen behind Chan.
Chan was already rummaging through the fridge. He smiled when he looked up and saw Felix
standing there. Quickly putting his ingredients on the table, he opened his arms to him.

“Come here.” he tenderly said.

Felix didn’t need to be told twice, he walked quickly to wrap his arms around Chan’s muscular
frame, his hands resting on his back, pressing his cheek to the other boy's chest, while Chan’s chin
softly came to rest on the top of Felix’s head, his hand gently stroking his back. Felix could hear
the melodic ‘boom boom’ of Chan’s heart that way. That was strangely soothing.

“You did good today.” Chan whispered to him, like the moment was so precious and intimate that
he felt the need to murmur the words to not disturb it.

“It was fun..” Felix admitted, his voice just as soft.

“I’m proud of you, Lixie.”

One of Chan’s hands slowly traveled from Felix back to his head, giving him a soft pat before
stroking his hair affectionately. Felix turned his head, to bury his face in Chan’s chest, in the front
of his shirt, to hide himself and the raw emotion that this simple statement had brought to him. He
often felt like he was regressing to being a child when he was with Chan like that, not only hungry
for cuddles, but also for his praises. Felix wanted - needed - to gain Chan’s approval. He knew it
was a pattern, since he spent most of his life chasing after his parents’ approval. But contrary to his
relationship with his parents, Chan was always quick to praise him for the smallest things. And it
meant more to Felix than anyone could probably understand.

He stayed right there for a few seconds, taking a deep breath to inhale Chan’s scent, that was still
so familiar, despite the numerous changes and years spent apart. He then found the strength to take
a step back from his best friend’s embrace.

“C’mon, you’re gonna make me cry.” he chuckled, trying to shake away how emotional he already
felt.

“Fine, fine.” Chan softly laughed, knowing just how much Felix was sensitive. “I’m a sympathetic
crier, so we definitely don’t want that!” he added, going back to the table to start his cooking.

He seemed to have things well in hand, it didn’t look like a two mans job, so instead of bothering
him while trying to help, Felix simply went through a few cupboards to find what he needed and
went to sit in front of Chan, getting to work on making a batch of chocolate chips cookies. They
worked in comfortable silence after that, both focused on their tasks but still happy to be around
one another. It was a rare thing to be able to feel totally at peace, without any hint of awkwardness
while standing in total silence with another human being. But with Chan it was the most natural
thing in the word. Maybe because their relationship simply didn’t need words. Felix liked to think
of it that way at least. It comforted him.

The dinner was ready before the cookies were and, as they were cooking in the oven, Felix and
Chan brought plates and food to the living room. They had a perfectly functioning dining table, but
from what Felix had witnessed, it seemed like most of the meals were consumed on the couch
instead. The food was met with a round of cheers from the starving boys.

“Thanks Dad!” Jisung exclaimed, taking a plate for himself.

Chan simply laughed at the nickname. Felix thought that he could hardly deny it, he did act like
their father most of the time. At least that’s the impression Felix had during the last few days he
had spent around them all. And knowing Chan’s personality, he would’ve expected nothing less
from him anyway. Chan gestured at Jisung to scoot a little bit, leaving a small space on the couch
barely big enough for both Felix and Chan himself. Still the two of them managed to squeeze
themselves in, Felix almost sitting completely on Chan’s lap to make it work.

All the boys took their plates, eating and talking between themselves about everything and
anything. Felix was simply eating and listening in silence, his strength and energy slowly leaving
his body that was now definitely sore and tired. When almost everyone was done, Felix heard the
distinctive ‘ping’ of the oven and got up to grab the cookies, carefully putting them in a little pile
on a clean plate before coming back to the living room with it. He smiled, seeing the interested
look in most of their eyes, when they noticed the sweets in his hands.

He started to walk around the couch, offering the plate to each boy one by one.

“Thanks Mom!” Jisung said, just like he had called Chan ‘dad’, as he grabbed a cookie, shoving it
in his mouth.

Felix giggled softly at that. Maybe he did have a motherly nature to him sometimes. His mother
wasn’t a very cuddly, soft person and so he often had taken on that role with his little sister,
sometimes with his big sister too, when she was having a hard time. It was just due to the fact that
Felix had this need of taking care of people around him. One after another, they all took a cookie
with a smile, a nod or a ‘thank you’ until Felix arrived at the other edge of the couch, where
Hyunjin was seated, the last in line.

The tall blond was sitting with his thighs slightly spread, his elbow propped up on the arm of the
couch, his head tilted to the side and resting on his hand. Felix had noticed during dinner that
Hyunjin barely touched his plate and at first he thought it was because the boy wasn’t hungry, but
with all the calories they had burned this morning and the work he had done this afternoon, Felix
found it hard to believe. Especially since he was now eyeing the cookies hyungrily.

Felix extended the plate to him with his shy smile, sure that Hyunjin was quickly going to grab
one. He had noticed that the boy seemed to have a sweet-tooth, according to the reaction he had
when Felix made brownies. But to his surprise Hyunjin shook his head, despite the look on his eye
betraying how much he actually wanted one.

“You’re sure?” Felix asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Hyunjin nodded, but he didn’t sound as sure as he probably wanted to. “I should start
watching my weight.” he shrugged casually.

Felix was thrown off by that comment. Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect. And sure, Felix hadn’t
seen the boy without his shirt, but he knew he was gorgeous just the way he was. And honestly,
seeing Hyunjin’s stature he wasn’t sure there even was any weight to be lost in the first place. He
didn’t want to intrude if it really was something Hyunjin wanted but, glancing at the others he saw
a worried expression on their faces, but no surprise. Like it was something that was happening
often with their friend.

Felix had never been in the public eye, not like the rest of them. But he could imagine how
stressful and pressuring that was to have hundreds or millions of eyes watching you, judging you.
And for a group composed of really handsome young men, Felix had no doubt that a fair share of
people were only here for their looks. It was inevitable in this day and age. Hyunjin had to be
especially affected about that, since he was so insanely beautiful. He had joked around saying he
was the “eye-candy” of the group, but Felix thought there might be a little truth to it. It probably
wasn’t the goal, but he had no doubt in his mind that a lot of young girls and boys on the internet
were drawn in by Hyunjin’s looks, maybe even commenting on it more than they would with the
others. That had to take a toll on him at some point. Of course all that was only speculation on
Felix’s part, but he prided himself on being a pretty sharp person and on being able to read people
pretty well most of the time.

Feeling a surge of anger in the pit of his stomach at this whole idea, Felix acted on instinct, without
thinking. With the tip of his fingers, he broke a little piece from one of the cookies before setting
the plate on the table, turning back to Hyunjin who was looking at him. He propped one of his
knees on the couch, between Hyunjin’s thighs, so he could lean towards him without falling
forward. And lean he did; getting closer to Hyunjin, using his free hand to grab the back of the
couch next to Hyunjin's head to stabilize himself and stay upright instead of falling on the tall
blond. And then, with his other hand, he brought the piece of cookie closer to Hyunjin’s full lips.

“Open.” he said, looking at the other boy seriously, his voice low.

Hyunjin always seemed especially surprised when Felix was showing this kind of assertiveness. He
had had the same reaction earlier, when Felix had looked at him straight in the eye, seriously
stating how amazing he was. Looking at Felix, there was a glint of something shining in Hyunjin’s
eyes. Felix couldn’t really name it. But as per his command, Hyunjin’s lips slowly parted and Felix
took this opportunity to slide the piece of cookie in his mouth. Hyunjin’s lips closed around it,
almost brushing Felix’s finger as he was taking his hand away.

“Good.” Felix said, his voice sounding deeper while he was looking at Hyunjin bite the little sweet
in his mouth.

But now that his purpose had been fulfilled, Felix finally realized what he was doing, the position
he was in and everything around him. And he felt absolutely mortified for his behavior. So he
quickly leaned back, getting back on his feet, taking a step away from the couch and from Hyunjin.

“There’s plenty more if you want.” he vaguely gestured towards the plate of cookies, speaking to
nobody in particular.

He then he promptly turned around and started to make his way to the kitchen, as quickly as he
could without actually seeming like he was running away from the situation. Despite the fact that
he very clearly was. Every pair of eyes looked at him with a mix of surprise, awe and amusement
from what they had just witnessed. All the while, Hyunjin was looking slightly flustered but a
small smile was creeping up on his lips as he watched Felix go, leaning to grab the rest of the
broken cookie from the plate, happily munching on it.

Standing alone in the kitchen, Felix couldn’t believe he just did something like that, in front of
everybody. His face was bright red, his cheeks hot as he hid himself behind his hands, embarrassed
to no end. He wasn’t normally someone so forward, but it seemed like when Hyunjin was
involved, his brain had a tendency to shut down to let his body act instead. He wasn’t sure he liked
that, if it ended up in him almost straddling the boy and force feeding him in front of the rest of the
members, out of the blue.

He definitely couldn’t go back there in the state he was in, and honestly he was too embarrassed to
face them all after the stunt he just pulled anyway, so instead he set himself to do the dishes, as
much to take his mind off of the whole thing, than to have an excuse not to go straight back to the
living room.

As he was cleaning the plates and the multiple ustensiles, slowly but surely, he heard the noise in
the living room subside, probably because the boys started to retreat in their own rooms, one by
one, for the night. When Felix was done with his task there was no sound whatsoever coming from
the other room and he wondered if they had all called it a night already. He was secretly hoping it
was the case, so he could discreetly go back to his room and forget the incident in its entirety.
Which, he realized, could be hard to do given the fact that Hyunjin would be in said room too.

Slowly, the blond walked to the living room. There was only one person on the couch, feet on the
coffee table, staring at his laptop with laser focus. And Felix wasn’t surprised to see that it was
Chan, probably still working despite the fact that everyone else was already up to bed and that it
was pretty late in the evening. He walked towards the couch, sitting next to Chan without a word
and naturally let his head fall on his friend’s shoulder. He didn’t want to disturb him in his work
but simply be able to spend just a few more moments with him.

Chan tilted his head, pressing his cheek against the top of Felix’s head, his eyes still glued to his
computer. Felix watched Chan’s hands move on his keyboard, his fingers drag across his touchpad
and absently followed his cursor on the screen as it moved from side to side. He had no idea how
long he stayed like that, all he knew was that his body had finally hit its limit, he was exhausted,
sore, he felt heavy and he just wanted some warmth and a whole lot of sleep. Maybe Chan had felt
that and that was why he didn’t ask questions about what happened with Hyunjin earlier. Or maybe
his friend simply knew Felix didn’t want to talk about it. So he simply continued to work in
silence.

Only when he felt Felix slowly falling asleep on his shoulder did Chan open his mouth, moving his
hand so he could gently caress Felix’s arm.

“Lixie, go to bed.” he softly ordered.

Felix nodded against Chan’s shoulder, in a daze. He didn’t move for a few more seconds however,
building the strength to actually get up and climb the stairs to join his own room. When he finally
got up, he rubbed his eyes with a yawn, Chan watching over him with the most tender smile on his
lips.

“Go to bed soon too..” Felix said to Chan, trying to sound commanding even though his voice only
sounded sleepy.

“Promise.” Chan chuckled.

Felix vaguely nodded as a response. It was good enough for him. He was too tired and out of it to
fight with Chan to force him to get some rest anyway. He waved at his friend with another yawn
before walking away, slowly making his way to the staircase, scratching the back of his head, in a
sleepy daze.

The lights were out in Felix’s room, letting him know right off the bat that Hyunjin was probably
already fast asleep. He too had worked really hard today and he was surely exhausted. Not wanting
to disturb his sleep, Felix entered the room as silently as possible, letting his eyes adjust to the
darkness for a second.

He could see Hyunjin’s form on his bed, eyes closed, looking like an angel with a halo of long
blond hair sprawled on his white pillow. His blanket was pushed away from his body and Felix
couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t going to be cold like that, the nights getting chillier each day
lately. So, with a little sigh, followed by a silent yawn rubbing his eyes for the umpteenth time, he
walked to Hyunjin’s bed instead of diving straight into his own. He slowly grabbed the blanket,
trying to move slowly as he pulled it up on Hyunjin’s long body.

Next to him, he heard Hyunjin lightly stir and he looked up at his face to be sure he hadn’t woken
the boy up. Hyunjin’s eyes were slightly opened, barely slits on his face. Felix frowned, unsure he
was actually awake or asleep. Since Hyunjin didn’t move, didn’t open his eyes more than that and
didn’t say anything, Felix was about to walk away to go back to his own bed, now that he was
reassured that Hyunjin wouldn’t catch a cold during the night. As soon as he made the slightest
movement though, he was stopped by a hand grabbing his forearm.

Before his brain could compute what was happening, Hyunjin firmly pulled on his arm, making
him trip and fall on the bed next to him. Felix really thought this kind of thing only happened in
books and TV shows. He used to laugh at those things, thinking about how improbable it was to
actually find yourself in that scenario, while secretly fantasizing about it nonetheless. Now that his
back was pressed to Hyunjin’s chest, Hyunjin’s blanket partially falling on him and hi arm tightly
wrapped around his waist, Felix wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Hyunjin..?” Felix whispered, his face hot, his voice almost a squeak.

Hyunjin didn’t answer and his hot breath, hitting the back of Felix’s head, was slow and regular.
Was he asleep? How was it possible when he had dragged Felix in his bed just a second before.
Was it even feasible to do something like that in his sleep?

“..stars.. baby thunder.. so pink..” Hyunjin’s sleep-filled voice sounded next to Felix’s ear, just a
murmur in the night.

This answered Felix’s question. Hyunjin was truly asleep. The situation was probably even more
embarrassing than what had happened in the living room, and Felix started to wonder how it was
possible that, everytime he was in the same room as Hyunjin, he always ended up in those kinds of
situations, his face absolutely burning.

For a few minutes, at least, Felix struggled, trying to move away without actually waking up the
other boy. But as soon as he tried to slide away from Hyunjin’s grasp, his arm tightened around
him, preventing Felix from moving at all, even less step away from Hyunjin. He tried and tried
again, being as gentle and discreet as he could, but the result was always the same. Either he
needed to be more firm, fighting off Hyunjin’s arm even if it meant waking him up to be able to
escape, or he had to accept his fate and simply lay there.

And Felix was too tired and too sore to fight. So with a long sigh, he grabbed the blanket to cover
them both, letting his head fall on the little corner of the pillow that wasn’t already under Hyunjin’s
head. Hyunjin’s body was creating so much warmth that despite how tense Felix was by being
pressed so close to him, he couldn’t help but feel sleep cloud his mind once more. The warmth, the
mattress and even Hyunjin’s arm around him.. It was all too comfortable. So, unable to fight off the
sleepy daze from his mind, he closed his eyes, knowing full well that he would regret his decision
when the morning came.
 Don't Move
Chapter Notes

Heya there! The start of this chapter is a little... steamier, than what I've been writing
in that story up until now. I hope it doesn't put people off. I think it's a great moment to
notify you that there will probably be some smut at some point in the future in the
story. I don't know if it's something you would like to see or not, and if there's people
younger than 16 reading this fic so... If too many people strongly dislike the idea of
smut, I can probably try to work around it, but the truth is smut was always part of the
idea when I first started off the fic so.. We'll see, but I definitely want your input on
this particular subject!

Once again not a lot happens here. I actually wanted to add some more scenes at the
end of this chapter but it ended up getting really really long and I had to cut it in half so
those scenes will be in the next chapter! I hope you like what I give you today
nonetheless, despite the very slow pace and the steamier aspect of it!

I'm kinda nervous to see your reactions on this one! LOVE YOU ALL WONDERFUL
PEOPLE ♥

For the first time in a very long while, Felix didn’t wake up at 5am. The hours and hours of
dancing the day before had finally exhausted his body enough to break that cycle that he had
religiously followed for the past few years. But exhaustion wasn’t the only reason Felix’s sleep
was so good for once. Sleeping in someone’s arms, Hyunjin’s arms, was very different than
sleeping alone. Having the feeling of being cuddled non-stop during the whole night, sharing
Hyunjin’s warmth, feeling safe and protected.. Without mentioning Hyunjin’s scent all around him.
It was so soothing that Felix could only have a wonderful sleep. Honestly, it was probably the best
sleep he had in years, if not ever.

But Felix didn’t wake up because he was fully rested. He didn’t wake up because of the tiny
nonsensical sentences Hyunjin had been muttering all night in his sleep, close to his ear. He didn’t
even wake up when the door to their room opened, when Jisung entered the room, witnessed their
position and called over Minho to show it to him. He didn’t wake up when the two of them stood
in the middle of the room, arguing in hushed voices about whether they should wake Felix and
Hyunjin up or go inform all the others so they could come share the spectacle. He didn’t wake up
when Minho, with a mischievous smile, took out his phone, taking pictures of the two sleeping
figures while Jisung was muttering about taking part in the bets that were going around the house
about those two, started by Changbin and I.N the day Felix arrived. He didn’t wake up when the
two finally left the room and rushed down the stairs with the grace of two elephants, probably to
share their findings with the rest of the housemates.

No, none of those things managed to wake up Felix, despite the fact that he was normally a very
light sleeper. What woke up Felix was totally different. It was the feeling of icy cold fingers on his
bare abdomen. At first, the chilly feeling only made Felix shiver, dragging him slightly out of
sleep, his head still foggy, the warmth offered by Hyunjin against his back making him want to fall
right back into his slumber. But as soon as his mind processed the situation and he realized what
that feeling actually was, his eyes shot open. He was completely awake now.
Somewhere during the last few minutes, Hyunjin had moved his hand, his fingers finding the rim
of Felix’s shirt and simply sliding under it, the tip of his fingers resting on Felix’s bare skin, in the
middle of his abdomen. Surely he had done that without realizing, because Hyunjin’s breathing
behind Felix was still as regular as it was all night long, proving that he was probably still deep in
sleep. Blissfully ignorant of the whole situation, Hyunjin extended his fingers, his whole palm now
pressed against Felix’s abs instead of just his fingertips. Slowly - excruciatingly so - Hyunjin’s
hand moved up, starting its path just above Felix’s belly button until, after one long, interminable
minute, it finished its course between his pecs, fingers brushing and caressing his skin all the way
up.

Felix started to panic. Sleeping in the same bed as Hyunjin was already a big mistake on his part,
but this was something else completely. Something way worse. Felix liked Hyunjin’s touch, the
feel of his skin against the other boy’s fingers. The problem was, he was liking it a little too much.
Felix hadn’t been intimate in this way with a lot of people in the past, but it was definitely a kind of
touch he secretly craved, different from the cuddles he was asking from people all day long. He
wanted it more and more as days and months passed, especially lately. But right here, right now,
was definitely not the moment to want this kind of touch, and especially not the moment to let
himself actually enjoy it.

Just like he had done the night before, Felix tried to escape Hyunjin’s grasp, even more desperate
to put some distance between them now than he had been before. But his attempts had miserably
failed the night before and so he should’ve realized that now too, this approach wouldn’t work. He
tried nonetheless, slowly sliding away from Hyunjin’s body while trying to softly pry his long
fingers away from under his shirt with one of his hands. This, however, had the opposite effect.

“Don’t move..” Hyunjin’s voice echoed in the dark, silent room.

Felix almost jumped at the sound. Was he not asleep? Not only did Hyunjin’s grip on him
tightened, but the boy also closed the distance between their two bodies, getting closer to him than
even before, his whole long body now firmly pressed against Felix from behind. And Felix knew
he was completely, utterly screwed. Because Hyunjin’s crouch was now resting against his bum,
and he could very clearly feel that not all of Hyunjin was asleep. Felix was a man too, he knew
how those things worked in the morning, but he couldn’t help but wonder. Was this because it was
morning, was this his natural, daily reaction? Or was it something else? Like the fact to be pressed
against Felix, dragging his fingers on his skin? Felix knew he, himself, was in the same state as
Hyunjin but he wasn’t sure he could confidently say that it was due to his body waking up and not
to Hyunjin’s skin against his own.

But one question in his mind was more important than the others: was Hyunjin awake? If he was, it
would change things. It meant he was doing this on purpose, that he wanted Felix in that way. But
Felix couldn’t get himself to believe this was possible. Just like he had done since he met Hyunjin,
he was now firmly telling his brain to shut up, trying to remind himself that he was the only one
having inappropriate thoughts about the other boy, and that those needed to stop before Hyunjin
realized it and got uncomfortable. After all, before now, he had only treated him like he would
normally treat the other members, right?

“... wake up soon..” Hyunjin muttered, his face now buried in Felix’s neck from behind, his long
hair brushing against Felix’s cheek, his voice still sleep-filled.

So he was asleep, just like Felix thought. That clear reminder that neither Hyunjin’s touch nor his
physical reaction down south, were voluntary and due to him, bothered Felix more than he thought
it would. It was stupid since he had told himself the same thing just a second before. His panicked
mind didn’t get much time to dwell on that feeling though, because once more Hyunjin’s fingers
moved.

As his slender fingers dragged against his skin, going from his pecs to his abdomen again, Felix
was holding his breath. But when Hyunjin’s fingers didn’t stop there, venturing slowly further
down, Felix forgot how to even breathe altogether. Softly, his fingertips brushed their way down
Felix’s abdomen, tracing a path on his defined abs, getting nearer and nearer to the edge of Felix’s
pants.

“... baby.. mine..” Hyunjin almost growled in his sleep, his lips pressed against Felix’s neck, his
fingers now tracing the rim of Felix’s pants up and down in slow, maddening strokes.

An involuntary, small, moan escaped Felix’s lips, his eyes briefly closing of their own accord.
Hyunjin’s fingers so down on his abdomen, his hardness pressed against him, his lips brushing his
neck, just above his pulse, paired with his voice echoing in his ears. It was simply too much for
Felix to handle.

Just as the sound came out of his mouth, the fingers stopped their movements against his skin and
Hyunjin’s breath, that had been so regular on Felix’s neck so far, hitched. Felix tensed, wondering
if Hyunjin had finally woken up, listening to every single little sound coming from him, monitoring
each breath he took. He didn’t know what to do or what to say if Hyunjin woke up, realizing the
situation they were in and asked Felix for explanations. Would he be disgusted to have touched
Felix that way, disgusted that Felix had let him? Probably.

He was so focused on Hyunjin’s breathing, on the stillness of his fingers, that he didn’t hear the
footsteps outside the door. Until suddenly someone slammed their fist against the wood, a loud
‘boom boom’ echoing like thunder in the silent room. If Hyunjin wasn’t awake already, the racket
definitely did the trick. Felix felt Hyunjin's body jump behind him, his arm slightly moving away.
The small blond took this opportunity to finally escape. He was so desperate to get away though,
that he stumbled out of the bed, falling to the ground instead of gracefully getting up like he had
planned to.

“Oi, Felix!?” Chan’s booming voice called from behind the door.

“What the..” Hyunjin muttered, sitting in his bed.

Felix didn’t want to face him, he simply couldn’t do it. He was pretty sure Hyunjin had woken up
before Chan arrived, and even if he hadn’t, Felix still needed to explain why they were in the same
bed, why he was laying in his arms. And honestly he didn’t think he could do it. Not after what just
happened this morning. He was too embarrassed, but more than that, he knew that he had been the
only one enjoying it. It was proof that, despite the many reminders and warnings he gave himself,
he was diving too far and too fast in something that was more than likely one-sided. Proof that he
needed to distance himself from Hyunjin, and quickly, before he could actually fall for him.

“Coming!” he called back, not even letting Hyunjin finish his sentence.

Felix scrambled to his feet from the floor. He was still wearing his clothes from the night before,
since Hyunjin had grabbed him before he could change for bed last night. Rushing, he made his
way to the door, opening it in one powerful swing. As quickly as his body could allow him, he slid
out of the room, closing the door behind him without looking at Hyunjin over his shoulder. Only
once his back was against the closed door did he allow himself to take a deep long breath. Bringing
his hand up to pass his fingers through his messy hair, he looked up, only to be met with Chan
standing right in front of him, a surprised expression on his face.

“Hey mate.” he said, placing a smile on his lips acting like his sudden, dramatical exit was totally
normal despite his heavy breathing and the frenzied look in his eyes. And totally failing at it.

Chan had looked at him up and down, taking in his clothes, his disheveled appearance, the panic
on his face and simply gestured to him to follow, leaving for his own room without a word. So
Felix had complied. Firstly because he never said no to Chan but also because he wanted to put
some distance between this room and him. Between Hyunjin and him. Chan’s room felt like the
safest spot possible at this second, for some reason. So when Chan’s door was closed behind him,
finally Felix felt like he could breathe more freely.

“Everything okay bro?” Chan asked, going to sit on his bed a little further in the room.

“Um? Oh. Yeah, everything’s great.” Felix replied after a second, his mind still scattered, his lie
too obvious.

“Does this have anything to do with that thing between you and Hyunjin?”

His voice was serious, his arms crossed on his chest as he looked at Felix. He seemed more
worried than angry, but there was also a glint of something else in his gaze, something Felix
couldn’t pinpoint. He was panicked. He didn’t want Chan to believe there was “a thing” between
him and Hyunjin. He didn’t want anyone to believe that because, most of all he, himself, didn’t
want to believe it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about..” Felix tried, frowning slightly.

But he knew better. He could never fool Chan, not in the past, not now, not ever. Still he tried.
Calmly, Chan gave a pat to his mattress, a silent call for Felix to come sit next to him, which he
promptly did. Then, once he was seated, Chan fished his phone out of his front pocket, swiping his
finger on it for a second before turning it so the screen would face Felix. On it was a picture of
Felix and Hyunjin, fast asleep, in the same bed, with Hyunjin's long arm wrapped around Felix’s
small frame. In high definition. He stared at the picture for a second too long, his mouth open,
shocked by its very existence.

“Wha..How did you..” he started, staring at the picture before dragging his eyes up to meet Chan’s
face, who had an eyebrow raised. “I mean.. It’s not what you think! At all!” he quickly added,
shaking his hands in front of him like it would help him to prove his point. “I just tried to put his
blanket on him but then he grabbed me and I fell on the bed and then he wouldn’t let go. But he
was asleep. Totally asleep! So I fell asleep and.. then I woke up and here we are!” he rambled,
trying to explain the situation to Chan, very deliberately omitting the incident from this morning.

Chan simply looked at Felix panicking and talking. Once the younger finished his monologue,
Chan sighed. He raised his hand, placing it on Felix’s hair and forcing the other boy to tilt his head
so he could place it on his shoulder, where it sometimes felt like it belonged. With his hand, he
softly stroked Felix’s hair, keeping silent for a few more seconds before sighing once more.

“I don’t want you to fall too fast and get hurt.” he stated, his voice soft but definitely filled with
worry. “I know you Felix, I know how you get with these things. You’re too sensitive, too
sentimental.. That’s what I love about you but, in this case, it worries me. ” he continued. Felix was
about to open his mouth to tell him he got it all wrong, that it wasn’t like that, but Chan raised his
free hand to tell him not to interrupt him. “If you’re just confused because you need more affection
though.. You can come to me. You know you never have to look somewhere else for hugs and
cuddles, right?” Chan actually made a little pout after saying that. “Didn’t I tell you I’d always be
your Teddy no matter what?

He did say that, when they were barely teenagers. Felix couldn’t believe Chan remembered
something like that. When they were young, Felix had decided that Chan was his personal Teddy
bear, because, in his humble opinion, Chan gave the best hugs in the whole wide world. But when
Chan got a girlfriend Felix felt like he didn’t have the right to monopolize Chan as he usually did
and started to look for affection elsewhere. That’s how he got his first heartbreak, falling for a girl
who saw him just as a good friend, because he got confused between needing physical affection
and having romantic feelings. Probably because when he was with Chan it was both. The whole
thing ended with Chan proclaiming that no matter what, where or who, he would always be there
for Felix with open arms, and would always be his Teddy bear, so he would never have to go look
for hugs elsewhere.

The memory should’ve been cringy, but to Felix it really wasn’t, because it was one of the best
moments he remembered spending with Chan and one of the things that made him fall for him just
a little more as a young boy. This embarrassing story was a strong pillar of their actual relationship.
So Felix nodded, slowly sliding his arms around Chan’s waist to hug him gently, his head still on
his friend’s shoulder.

“It’s really not… like that.” he lied, once more, trying to convince himself more than Chan this
time around. “But I will take you up on that offer, Teddy.” he then softly giggled, hugging him just
a little bit tighter, feeling Chan’s arm around his shoulders.

They stayed there a few minutes at least, just hugging each other in silence. After a while, Chan
dropped a feather-light kiss on top of Felix’s head.

“I have work to do today, but it’s all on my computer. Wanna stay locked in here with me all day?”
he asked, leaning back to look at Felix with a bright smile that showed he thought that was a great
idea.

With that smile on his face, Felix wanted to give Chan the world. But the whole situation this
morning, the mess that was in his head about Hyunjin and everything, it had made him want some
alone time. More than that, it had made him remember that the reason he was in this house to begin
with was because he needed a place to stay long enough to find a job. And he hadn’t been very
productive with that the last few days since he arrived.

“I would love to but.. he sighed and Chan's smile transformed into a sad pout, making it very hard
for him to stick to his plan. “I wanted to go get my bearings around town, maybe check up some
stores and stuff..” he vaguely explained.

He knew how Chan was, if he told him he wanted to go out to look for a mediocre job, Chan would
probably object, offering to shelter him for free, telling him he was family and had nothing to
worry about. But Felix didn’t want to be that kind of guy. He didn’t want to leech off of Chan’s
generosity and kindness. And he also knew that no matter how much Chan wanted to accompany
him, he had too much work to do to actually be able to go out. And so a little white lie couldn’t
hurt him.

“But..” Felix added because he really wanted that time together than Chan was offering him. What
about tonight? Movie night? Just the two of us, for old time’s sake?”

“Step Up marathon?” Chan instantly asked, his bright smile returning to his face at the prospect.

“Step Up marathon.” Felix nodded his agreement with a little laugh.

Growing up, the two of them had found a commun passion - not to say obsession - for the Step Up
movie saga. They watched them religiously at least once a month. They used to know every
choreography from every movie by heart, even reciting entire dialogue sequences between the two
of them, acting out the scenes like they were part of the movie themselves. It had been years since
Felix had seen any of those movies. And it was the perfect distraction to make him forget about
Hyunjin and about the mess in his head, in his heart. Because nothing could be more perfect than
Chan and a Step Up movie combined for Lee Felix
 Pink Lixie
Chapter Notes

So many of you are still reading and commenting and that makes me SO FRICKING
HAPPY! Thanks so so much to all of you ♥

The moments that followed felt, to Felix, like he was in a spy movie because of the length he went
to to make sure not to run into Hyunjin. He had left Chan’s room and listened, his ear against the
door, to see if Hyunjin was still in their shared room or not. Once he was satisfied that Hyunjin had
joined the others downstairs, he had slipped into his own room like a thief in the night, quickly
grabbed whatever from his backpack and ran out of the room just as quickly as he came in, rushing
for the bathroom before he could be spotted in the corridor. He took a quick shower and got
dressed, putting a beanie over his still damp hair, not wanting to lose any time drying them. And
then, as sneakily as he could he tiptoed down the stairs, listening to every sound coming from the
living room to make sure he wouldn’t run into someone in the entrance, especially not Hyunjin. In
the entrance, he threw his shoes on at the speed of light and got out of the house without looking
back, finally taking a deep breath when he was a few steps away and he knew Hyunjin wasn’t
going to appear from nowhere.

He quickly managed to get into a cab and made his way to the center of town where he knew he
would find the most stores and restaurants, where he hoped to find employment if at all possible.
But he should’ve known, with the way things were going already, that this day wouldn’t go as
planned either.

Felix walked the streets for hours, going from stores to restaurants to bakeries and coffee shops,
searching for “looking for help” signs or sometimes even going straight inside to ask if they needed
a new employee or not. And not one store gave him a positive answer. His feet hurt, he had almost
exhausted all his options in that part of the town and it was extremely cold outside. And, as if the
heavens themselves had a bone to pick with him, as soon as he headed out of the last place, a little
family restaurant, rain started to pour on him.

Standing under the downpour, looking up at the sky, Felix was very close to his limit. He wasn’t
an angry person at all, but things kept on piling up and now he was mad. He was mad at himself,
mad at the rain, mad at his parents, mad at Hyunjin. Mad at everything and everyone. Chan had
been right this morning, Felix was already falling too fast, the fact that despite everything Hyunjin
was still on his mind was proof enough of it. But Chan had been right about something else. He
was going to get hurt if he kept this up. That was exactly why he had avoided Hyunjin completely
before going out, why he wanted to avoid him when he would get back too.

He didn’t know how to act after this morning, because he had enjoyed it too much, because finally,
despite how much he tried to fool himself, he had realized he did have a crush on Hyunjin. A big
one. He wanted to spend time with him, to take care of him, to hear his little laugh, to watch him
dance for hours on end, to hear him sing just for him. He wanted him in his arms, he wanted him in
his bed. And he shouldn’t want any of those things because Hyunjin was just being a good friend to
him, making him feel comfortable and included in this new house. He probably didn’t see Felix
like anything more than one more housemate, one more friend, or maybe a new puppy added to the
household. But definitely not as the type of guy he wanted to kiss.
This was probably what was making Felix angry the most. He didn’t want to want Hyunjin. But he
did. Desperately so. How did he manage to get tangled in this situation, in those kinds of feelings in
the very short time he had spent at the house? Still one thing Chan was right about: he was too
sensitive, too emotional. He was pathetic, that’s what he was. He knew it. He was well aware of it.
And it pissed him off beyond reason.

Giving up on his search for the day, knowing it wouldn’t lead anywhere, Felix started to walk up
the road, his clenched fist deep in his pockets. He was nearing a bus stop when he suddenly
stopped, turning his head to look at the shop next to him. A hair salon. Felix contemplated the idea
that started to emerge in his mind. As a teenager one of his only acts of rebellion was to dye his
hair, something he used to do quite often with Chan to piss off his parents. This was a long long
time ago, way before he understood that following his parents orders to the letter was easier than
trying to go against them. Back then, it used to make him feel like he still had a shred of freedom
left, still some free will in his own life.

Felix knew if he wanted to find a job, dyeing his hair was not the way to go. But he was angry, he
was cold, he was confused, sad. He was a mess. And all he wanted was a little peace of mind, a
little bit of freedom from the mess in his heart. So before he knew what he was doing, he had
already entered the salon.

His little trip to the hairdresser took a few hours and so it was almost already 7pm when his cab
stopped in front of the house. The night had already fallen and the neighborhood was still and
silent. He opened the door discreetly, slipping inside and taking off his shoes, making his way for
the stairs like the ninja he seemed to have become today. A little bit of his stress and anger had
been alleviated while he was sitting in a chair, having his hair washed by a stranger. But still he
knew his best bet was to avoid Hyunjin altogether, at least long enough for him to get his feelings
under wrap. So he climbed the stairs two by two and rushed to Chan’s room, giving a brief knock
on the door before slipping inside when he heard Chan’s soft “enter”.

Chan was laying on his bed, pillows stacked behind his back, his laptop on his legs, probably still
in the middle of work despite the number of hours that had passed since Felix left him there this
morning. He turned his head as Felix entered and smiled.

“Lixie, you’re finally home!” he said and the word ‘home’ warmed Felix inside, just a little bit.

Felix had always thought that ‘home’ wasn’t a place, it was a person. And feeling all of his worries
of the day melting away, his anger disappearing, his anxiety subsiding, and warmth and peace
filling his whole body just at the sight of Chan’s smile, he knew he was right. So he smiled
brightly in return.

“Did you have fun? What did you do?” Chan asked, putting his laptop away to sit on the edge of
the bed, watching over Felix like a big brother waiting for his little brother to tell him everything
about his day.

“Well…” Felix cleared his throat “Don’t laugh, okay?” he then asked, a little nervous.

He reached for the beanie that was still on his head. He had slid it back on as soon as he got out of
the hair salon, hiding his new hair under it. He grabbed the fabric between his fingers, tugging on
it, freeing his hair from the warm cotton. A bunch of little pink strands fell in front of his eyes. He
had turned his blond hair into a pink mane. Not a bright, bubble-gum, flashy pink, but a soft muted
color. It was like his hair was still blond, with just an extra pink hue to it now. It was a really
pretty, really soft color and it could've looked weird on Felix, it could’ve looked too cute or simply
too much. But he felt like it was giving him an edge instead, making him look more like what he
had pictured himself being when he was growing up. He absolutely loved it, and still he felt foolish
and a little guilty for it, like he was expecting someone to reprimand him for it like his parents
would’ve done.

He looked over at Chan sheepishly, almost expecting a disapproving look in his eyes. Chan
seemed a little bit surprised at first and then his expression became as tender as it was amused, and
he did laugh, despite Felix’s warning.

“I knew it, it was stupid, I should..” Felix started, clearly embarrassed.

“No, no, that’s not why I’m laughing!” Chan exclaimed with a smile, reassuring Felix. “ It looks..
so good on you Felix. Wow. ” he then added with an appreciative nod.

“Why did you laugh then?” he asked, passing a hand through his pink strands, trying not to blush,
feeling too self-conscious.

“It’s.. nothing.” Chan smiled, in that way that meant he found something endearing, and Felix
wasn’t sure what it was exactly. “Anyways, I’m almost done with work so can you wait just a bit?”
he continued to smile. He looked Felix up and down quickly before speaking again. “Your clothes
look wet, go grab one of my hoodies in there so you don’t catch a cold.” he casually stated.

He pointed at a wardrobe on the other side of the room before simply getting back in his initial
position, with his laptop on his legs, focusing on whatever work he had left. Felix obliged, taking
off the damp sweatshirt he was wearing and grabbing one of the many black hoodies Chan owned,
quickly sliding it above his head. It was too big for him, but it was warm, comfortable and smelled
of Chan. Perfect. After that he went to sit next to Chan on the bed, simply putting his head on his
shoulder and watching him work.

Chan had said he was almost done with work, but when the door to his room opened, Seungmin
making his way into the bedroom, two hours later, Chan was still focused on his computer.

“Hey, all the kids went to bed early today. Hyunjin was..“ Seungmin said as soon as he entered,
stopping mid sentence when he looked up and noticed Felix on Chan’s bed. “Oh, hey Felix,
haven’t seen you today.” he smiled.

He paused for a second, probably noticing the pink hair on Felix’s head for the first time. A little
smile appeared at the corner of his lips. He seemed amused and Felix was starting to get the
feeling he was missing something. Why did everyone seem to find it amusing that he had dyed his
hair?

“I like the new color. It suits you.” Seungmin complimented him with a genuine smile this time.

Chan finally looked up, just now noticing what was going on around him. He frowned and looked
at the time, swearing under his breath when he realized he had been immersed in his task for so
long.

“Shit, sorry Lixie, I didn’t see the time.. You should’ve told me.” he gave Felix a guilty pout.

“That’s fine, I don’t mind watching you work. Felix shrugged.

“Are you heading to bed?” Chan then asked Seungmin in Korean, who nodded as a response.
“We’ll get out of your hair then.” he gently smiled, closing his laptop. “C’mon Lix, we have the
living room for ourselves, might as well take advantage of it!”

He got up, Felix following the movement, and, with his laptop under one arm, he grabbed the
blanket on his bed, gesturing at Felix to do the same with the pile of pillows. Once Chan seemed
satisfied he moved to the door, softly wishing Seungmin a good night before leaving the room,
Felix on his heels.

The living room was, indeed, empty. So with excited smiles on their lips, Chan and Felix started to
set up their little spot, putting all the pillows against the couch, on the ground, with the blanket.
Chan linked his computer to the TV, rummaging through his files to found the movies they had
planned for tonight, while Felix went to the kitchen to grab a bunch of random snacks and drinks.
Once they were both settled against the mountain of pillows, snacks all around them, they finally
hit play on the first movie of the night, looking like little kids beaming with unfiltered excitement.

Felix wasn’t sure how long they went on for, how many movies out of the whole saga they watched
or at what time they ended up falling asleep, all he knew was how much fun it had been. They had
danced together in the middle of the living room, repeating the dialogues just like they had done as
kids. They ate too many snacks and joked around about things only they could understand, making
Felix forget all about the Hyunjin situation, if only for a night. And, after burning all their energy,
in the middle of one movie or another, they fell asleep in the arms of one another, on the floor,
under Chan’s blanket, a myriad of pillows under and around them.

When morning came, it was I.N that witnessed the scene first, this time around. And he didn’t
waste a second to take pictures, just like Minho had done the morning before, with Felix and
Hyunjin. The whole thing was really wholesome. Felix and Chan were lying on the floor, facing
each other, their arms around one another, their legs entangled under the blanket, the two of them
completely pressed against one another. Felix’s face was comfortably buried in Chan’s chest,
Chan’s chin resting on top of Felix’s head. Felix had put the hood of Chan’s hoodie up on his head
before falling asleep, so his pink hair, and much of his face, was hidden from the camera and from
the world. Chan had the most peaceful smile on his lips, even as he slept. I.N took a few pictures,
pressing a few buttons on his phone to send said pictures to the rest of his still sleeping housemates
while laughing softly before making his way to the kitchen for some breakfast.

Just like the night before, Felix was so deep in sleep he was oblivious to what was happening
around him, despite him being a light sleeper when he was sleeping alone. The warmth and
security Chan’s body against his procured him made it possible for him to relax completely during
his sleep. But things were totally different now than they were then. Sleeping in Hyunjin’s arms,
despite being comfortable, had been nerve-wracking, it had made Felix’s heart race and his mind
spin. Hyunjin’s body pressed against him had made him breathless, inappropriate thoughts
swirling in his head. Sleeping in Chan’s arms simply felt like the most natural thing in the world
after doing it so many times over the years. It felt like being home. He could be pressed against
him and feel nothing but complete and utter peace of mind and happiness.

Seungmin was the next one getting up, chuckling softly and tenderly at the scene in the middle of
the living room before joining I.N at the dining table. Minho and Jisung entered the living room at
the same time, Jisung laughing instantly when he saw Felix and Chan, Minho giving him a little
shove to make him be quiet, but still harboring a smile himself. Like the others, they gathered
around the table. Changbin then came, giving a quick glance to the floor with a snicker and joined
the others. Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen, probably still asleep, since he was almost always the
last one up.

“Should we start betting on.. that, too?” Changbin asked with a little chuckle.

“The whole Hyunjin thing isn’t enough for you? You’re getting greedy Binnie!” I.N exclaimed
with an amused tone.

“I mean.. I’m with Binnie on this one.” Jisung shrugged.

“Come on, it’s not like that.” Seungmin rationalized calmly, still a tender smile on his lips.
“They’re good friends, that’s all… With Jinnie though that’s another story..” he snickered softly.

“I don’t think they realize how obvious they are.. Pathetic..” Minho sighed, still he sounded as
amused as the rest of them all.

“Who do you think is going to..” I.N started, not finishing his sentence and moving his hands
vaguely instead.

“Go for it?” Changbin offered and I.N nodded.

“Jinnie, obviously.” Jisung stated confidently.

“I bet you 10 it’s Felix.” Changbin announced, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“Bet.”

“I’m with Jisung.” Minho exclaimed.

“Me too.” Seungmin nodded.

“I’ll go with Felix too on that one. I have a good feeling!” I.N chuckled.

The inintelligible sound of voices and laughs coming from the next room finally forced Felix to stir
in his sleep, slightly opening his eyes with a little groan. He squeezed Chan’s body a little tighter
for just a second before finding the strength to lean away from him, sliding out from under the
blanket and getting to his feet with a yawn, rubbing his eyes. Chan groaned behind him too, Felix
could hear him move on the ground.

“Felix, I’m cold, come back!” he complained loudly with his face buried in his pillow, probably
alerting all the others in the kitchen.

“If I come back I can’t bring you cookies in bed for breakfast now, can I?” Felix chuckled, his
voice still sounding full of sleep.

Chan groaned again, a muffled “fine” finally coming from his pillow, making Felix laugh, the
sound deep and raspy because of sleep as he started to walk towards the kitchen. He was surprised
to find everyone there already and for a second, panic took over him as he glanced at all the faces,
only relaxing when he couldn’t see Hyunjin’s. He barely had stepped foot in the kitchen when
Seungmin came to him, handing him a hot cup of coffee.

“Thanks” Felix smiled and he nodded at everyone as a ‘good morning’, receiving nods back.
“Sorry for the mess in the living room.” he apologized, talking about the snacks and pillows
scattered everywhere in front of the couch. “I’ll clean it up once I took care of Grumpy Sleeping
Beauty over there.” he chuckled, gesturing towards the living room, talking about Chan.
“Seemed like you had a good time.” Changbin pointed out with a casual smile.

“I wished I didn’t go to bed so early, it sounded like so much fun!” I.N exclaimed.

“Were we that loud?” Felix asked, biting his lower lip, feeling guilty for being an annoyance to his
housemates.

“Yeah.” Minho simply stated, not adding anything for a second, letting it hang in the air before
speaking again. “But that’s fine.”

Coming from Minho, this seemed like an improvement so Felix chose not to add anything to that
and simply nod, moving towards the cupboard where he knew the rest of the cookies from the night
before were stocked in a little tupperware. He grabbed the plastic box while the others started a
conversation between themselves once more. So Felix simply made his way back to the living
room, back to Chan with his cookies.

He crouched next to Chan, opening the lid and taking a cookie between his fingers, dangling it
around Chan’s pillow to make the scent of it reach his nose. Finally after a second Chan moved to
lay on his back, opening his mouth with his eyes half-opened. Felix laughed and placed the cookie
between Chan’s lips who clenched his teeth around it with an appreciative ‘umm’.

“So.. What are your plans today? More sight-seeing? Chan asked after munching on his cookie for
a few seconds.

“Probably, yeah.” Felix nodded. He knew he had to continue looking for a job after yesterday’s
failure.

That’s when he heard footsteps rushing down the stairs and inside the living room. He tensed. He
knew it had to be Hyunjin, it could only be him, he was the only one who wasn’t already in the
kitchen after all. And Felix didn’t have the strength to face him just yet. He knew he was being a
coward. And that, on top of that, he was very unfair to Hyunjin who probably had no idea at all
about what had happened and what was going through Felix’s head. But for his own sake, to be
able to let go of his one-sided stupid crush, Felix felt it was necessary to distance himself
drastically.

“And I should probably go now. Don’t want to lose any time!” Felix exclaimed, a little too
enthusiastically for it to sound natural.

Felix quickly got up, dreading to turn around, knowing Hyunjin had to be somewhere in the room,
not too far away. His hood still on his head, he moved, looking at his feet, refusing to even make
eye contact with Hyunjin by inadvertence.

“Don’t stay out too late!” Chan called, from the floor.

Felix felt the moment he passed next to Hyunjin but still he continued walking without stopping,
without looking up, feeling awful about it. Quickly he made his way to the stairs. He knew he
should’ve left the house straight away, but he needed to change out of Chan’s hoodie first and his
backpack was still in his and Hyunjin’s room.

“Love you! Chan yelled behind him as he disappeared from the room and up the stairs.

Rushing to the room, Felix quickly grabbed his backpack, looking through his stuff to find
something to put on. He was acting fast, thinking that Hyunjin was probably not going to run after
him anyway but still not wanting to play with fire. He wasn’t fast enough though and he had barely
picked a sweatshirt from his backpack when the door opened. Felix knew it was Hyunjin and so his
eyes were stubbornly glued to the ground. If he looked up at him, he would forget why he was
trying to stay away, his heart would hammer in his chest again and it wasn’t good.

Felix took the sweatshirt, hugging it to his chest, taking a few steps towards the door. Hyunjin was
now standing there, his back firmly pressed against the wood of the door, unmoving. Felix
hesitated for a second before he opened his mouth, still not looking up, still hiding himself under
his hood.

“Can you move, please? I need to go..” he said, his voice sounding weak and unsure.

“No.” was all Hyunjin said, firmly, crossing his arms on his chest
 Look At Me

“No?” Felix dumbly repeated, caught off guard. “What do you mean, no?”

He hadn’t expected Hyunjin to react that way. Sure, he had thought about the fact that his behavior
wasn’t subtle, and that Hyunjin would probably feel a bit weirded out by Felix suddenly
disappearing this morning, after falling from his bed of all places, and had been evading him ever
since. But he thought the other boy wouldn’t probably think too much of it. And still, he had
followed Felix up the stairs and was now standing in front of the door, preventing him from
leaving. And he didn’t sound happy, at all. But of course Felix didn’t want to look up to see if
Hyunjin’s face reflected the same thing his voice did.

“I mean no.” Hyunjin said in the same firm tone, not moving an inch.

Felix could feel Hyunjin’s stare burning into him and it was hard not to look up just because he
knew, despite the situation, how good Hyunjin’s must look and he was craving to see it. After only
24 hours without laying eyes on him, he was already missing the sight of him, how pathetic was
that? Felix wanted to curse himself.

“Why?” he asked, his voice so small he wondered if Hyunjin could even hear him.

“Because you’ve been avoiding me.” Hyunjin stated, finally leaning away from the door. “And I
want to know why.”

He took a step towards Felix to which Felix responded by taking a step backwards, away from him,
instinctively, staring at Hyunjin’s feet.

“No I’m not..” Felix tried to deny despite how obvious he had been.

Another step forward. Another step backwards.

“Oh no?” Hyunjin asked. He didn’t sound amused.

Felix shook his head softly as an answer. Another step forward. Another step backwards. And
another. And another. And soon, to his horror, Felix felt the wall hit his back, preventing him from
fleeing any farther.

“Look at me then.” Hyunjin challenged, taking a final step forward, standing just in front of Felix.

He waited but Felix was still stubbornly looking at his feet, attacking his lower lip with his teeth,
his face obscured by the hood of Chan’s hoodie. He knew how immature he was being, but he
couldn’t find the strength to look up knowing that all his efforts would be crushed as soon as he
would lay eyes on him. Knowing that he would fall just a little more for that beautiful face of his,
and the person that was hiding behind it. It was too dangerous for his heart.

But Hyunjin was not happy with simply waiting indefinitely. After a few seconds of silence, he
lifted his hand, sliding his fingers under Felix’s chin. Felix tensed at the contact, his whole body
responding to it.

“Felix.” Hyunjin's voice was almost a warning as he said his name. “Look at me.” he added, with
this commanding tone that had Felix doing anything he wanted each time. But there was something
else in his voice too. A sort of longing. A plea.
So when Hyunjin tried to lift Felix’s chin with his fingers, Felix let him. Still he looked down for
as long as he could, only moving his brown orbs up to meet Hyunjin’s face when he had no other
choice. The sight hit him even harder than he thought it would. He was even more gorgeous than
Felix remembered and the reason for it was that he actually looked really different from the last
time Felix had laid eyes on him. Because those long, luscious blond hair of his was now jet black,
reflecting the light perfectly. If he looked like an angel with his blond hair, he now looked like a
vengeful, powerfull, hypnotizing god.

Felix felt like he forgot how to breathe, watching Hyunjin. His new hair suited him so well, falling
around his face gracefully, making his cheekbones stand out even more, his full lips looking even
more plump than before, his eyes seeming more intense. Felix was so immersed in his staring that
he didn’t realize that his mouth was partially open, showing his shock openly on his face. More
than that, he didn’t realize that, when he tilted his head to look up at Hyunjin, the hood had slided
down, falling from his head, exposing his pink strands.

The expression on Hyunjin’s face was now matching his. The intensity in his eyes as he looked
over Felix’s face, his gaze wandering in his new pink hair before cataloguing every detail he could
see. The way he let the tip of his tongue run along his bottom lip while looking at him. It was very
hard to stand. Felix wanted to cower under such a stare. And, at the same time, it made butterflies
appear in the pit of his stomach. Hyunjin’s fingers, which were still around Felix’s chin, moved up,
softly brushing Felix’s hair back, the pink strands smoothly running between his slender fingers.
But he didn’t say anything about it, instead looking back down to stare into Felix’s eyes, his face
becoming serious again.

“So?” Hyunjin asked, using the same firm tone Felix had heard from him since he entered the
room. “Why are you running from me?”

“I’m not.. It’s not..” Felix tried, still too mesmerized by Hyunjin, too panicked about his own
feelings, the memories of this morning too fresh in his mind.

“Is it because we slept in the same bed?” Hyunjin asked, still unflinching.

So he was aware of that at least. Of course he was, Felix was still in his bed when Hyunjin had
been woken up by Chan’s banging on the door, so he probably pieced two and two together pretty
easily. Still Felix didn’t know how Hyunjin felt about it, and he didn’t know what Felix knew,
about the events that followed them sharing a bed.

“No, that’s not it..” Felix shook his head, his voice small, his cheeks already getting more pink by
the second.

“Did you hate it?” Hyunjin asked, an edge to his voice. “Enough that you had to go sleep with
Chan instead?” he added, frowning slightly, sounding like he was gritting his teeth.

Felix looked at him with big, surprised eyes. Was he jealous? Surely he couldn’t be. He was just
upset because of Felix’s behavior and Felix’s mind, being too infatuated with Hyunjin already, was
simply trying to see things that weren’t there. And how could he even begin to think that Felix had
hated sleeping in the same bed as him, when it was all he could think about since this morning.

“It’s not..” Felix tried again, his voice a little bit stronger now.

“I wonder what kind of little noise you made with him this time..” Hyunjin muttered so low that
Felix barely heard what he said.

Actually, not only did he barely hear it, but he was wondering if he hadn’t heard him wrong too.
Because what he said didn’t make any sense. Unless.. Unless he was awake this morning when
Felix had moaned from his touch. But surely it wasn’t the case, Felix was more than sure that
Hyunjin had been asleep the whole time. Surely, once again Felix’s mind was making things up
and Hyunjin had said something completely different from what he thought he heard.

“Listen, I told you, Chan and I, it’s not..” Felix tried to explain himself once more, being cut off by
Hyunjin once again.

“You two sure looked cozy together.” he stated blankly. “I didn’t see you run from his arms at
least.”

“Will you let me finish, for fuck’s sake!?” Felix exploded, tired of Hyunjin not letting him explain.
This got Hyunjin’s attention at least. “The reason I ran this morning was because, when you were
asleep you.. You..” he stopped himself.

He had started to speak because Hyunjin’s behavior had gotten on his nerves, but now that he was
faced with the possibility of telling him straight up what had happened, he couldn’t do it. His face
turned a shade of pink more deep than the one coating his hair, but Hyunjin’s reaction wasn’t one
Felix had expected. He thought Hyunjin would look at him with confusion, waiting for the
explanation he had promised. But instead, Hyunjin snorted, a sly smile tugging at the corner of his
lips.

“Asleep..?” Hyunjin asked, raising an eyebrow with that little smile of his.

Felix was taken aback, not only by the sudden change in Hyunjin’s behavior but also by the
question in itself. Of course he was asleep. Wasn’t he? Hyunjin leaned closer, his face suddenly
only centimeters away from Felix’s, his hand pressed against the wall behind Felix as he let his
eyes wander on Felix’s face before coming back to stare into his brown orbs.

“Darling..” the word rolled on Hyunjin’s tongue, his voice smooth, hot, low. The sound made Felix
tingle from inside.

Hyunjin’s free hand came up to brush Felix’s cheek, just touching him with the tip of his fingers,
tracing the edge of his jaw, descending to caress his neck up and down before, just like a few
minutes ago, he grabbed Felix’s chin between his long fingers, tilting his own head to the side. The
simple movement of his head had almost as much of an effect on Felix as the feeling of his fingers
on his skin. It was just so.. Hyunjin.

“Do you really think that..” he started.

Felix was hanging to each of his words, a mix of anxiety, curiosity and desire rising in his chest. So
he almost jumped out of his skin when the door to their room suddenly opened without warning.
Hyunjin’s reaction was similar, his hand flying away from Felix’s face as he abruptly turned his
head to watch who had interrupted them. Felix could swear he heard an annoyed growl when he
spotted Chan in the door frame, followed closely by I.N.

“Yo Lixie, I decided to come with..” Chan exclaimed in English, stopping when he noticed the
position Hyunjin and Felix were in. “Everything okay here?” he asked in Korean, a little more
firmly, a frown forming between his brows.

“We’re fine.” Hyunjin answered in a very similar tone to Chan’s. Felix was simply looking at the
exchange, his mind still a mess from what was going on just a second ago. “Can you leave now?
We’re clearly in the middle of something.” Hyunjin added with a vague gesture of his hand.
“No, actually, we can’t.” Chan blankly stated, holding Hyunjin’s gaze without flinching.

He gave a little shove with his elbow to I.N like he was trying to tell him that it was his turn to
intervene in the conversation and maybe explain why they couldn’t leave the room. I.N, before
that, was looking at the whole scène with an expression half surprised, half excited by the events
he was witnessing. After Chan’s push, he cleared his throat, and nodded to Chan.

“Oh yeah uh.. Jinnie, we need you downstairs. Uh..” he looked up at Chan like he was trying to get
confirmation but Chan was too busy with his staring contest with Hyunjin. “Minho wants to talk to
you about.. choreography.. stuff.” he finished vaguely.

“Exactly. There’s work to be done.” Chan said once I.N was done. Only after looking at Hyunjin
for one second more did he turn his eyes towards Felix, his expression instantly softening a little
bit. “Felix, I’m taking you out today so let’s go.”

Despite his softer voice, it still sounded like a command. Felix didn’t know what he was supposed
to do in this situation. Clearly his conversation with Hyunjin wasn’t finished and he wanted to hear
what the other boy had to say, but he also knew that it may be a bad idea. And he could never say
no to Chan. Plus, there was this weird tension between Chan and Hyunjin that Felix couldn’t
completely understand. But he didn’t like it and he didn’t want it to continue for longer than it
needed to.

Felix looked quickly at Hyunjin before starting to walk away from him. But Hyunjin grabbed his
wrist, preventing him from making his way towards Chan. Felix turned his head to look at him
and, without thinking about it, he mouthed a little “later”, like to say they would finish their
conversation later. Even though Felix wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation again
anytime soon, just because of how anxious and hopeful it made him to have Hyunjin so close to
him, acting almost like he was jealous, saying things that sounded like he wanted Felix. He had a
hard time shutting his brain up from believing things like that and that wasn’t good at all. After a
second, Hyunjin let go of Felix’s wrist, but he didn’t seem happy about it in the slightest and as
Felix walked to Chan and left the room with him, he could still feel Hyunjin’s eyes on him.

After this whole situation, Chan had led Felix downstairs and out the door in record time. But he
didn’t say a single word as they walked to the car, jumped in it and started to drive to a destination
Felix didn’t know. It wasn’t like Chan to act like that and Felix didn’t like it.

“Are you mad at me..?” he finally asked after a minute, sounding like a little kid after an argument
with his parents.

“I’m not mad..” Chan said, staring at the road. He then sighed deeply, the tension lessening in his
shoulders and when he talked again, he offered a weak smile to Felix. “I’m just… annoyed.” he
admitted.

“But.. why?” Felix asked, confused, a little frown on his face.

“I guess.. ” Chan sighed again, shaking his head with a little laugh. “God it’s so stupid..” he
continued, looking at the road. “I guess I’m not used to someone else wanting your attention like
that..” he confessed, his voice soft and low.

“Do you mean.. Hyunjin?” Felix asked softly, raising an eyebrow. He had never seen Chan act like
that before and still he could understand his feelings perfectly for having felt them so many times
before. “Hyunjin doesn’t..”
“If Jinnie could spend his day glued to you he would. Chan cut him off, seeming adamant about
this fact.

This statement surprised Felix and he couldn’t help but wonder where he got that idea from. But
really, this wasn’t what was important at the moment. He couldn’t lie about the fact that he
would’ve wanted it to be true, that Hyunjin wanted to spend all his time with him, but he knew that
it was only Chan’s insecurity speaking. It was foreign coming from him, but a feeling all too
familiar to Felix which was why he could spot it so easily.

“It’s not the same… Nobody is taking me away. I’m not going anywhere Christopher..” he said, as
softly as he could, trying to reassure his friend by putting a soothing hand on his thigh.

Chan’s body seemed a little less tense after Felix’s words, his own hand falling on Felix’s small
fingers while his other hand was around the wheel.

“It’s just.. You’re my Teddy too, you know?” he simply continued. Felix always called Chan his
Teddy back in the day, but Chan had never said it back before today. “You used to stick to me like
glue when we were younger and now that I’m not the only one allowed to coddle you anymore it’s
just.. It feels weird.. Chan chuckled at himself. “How stupid is that?” he laughed.

“Very stupid.” Felix bluntly said, Chan raising his eyebrows at that. He probably thought that Felix
was going to say it wasn’t stupid at all, but it was. “Because you’re never getting rid of me. I’ll
always stick to you.” he added, squeezing Chan’s thigh between his fingers to emphasize his point.

Chan laughed softly and, to Felix, he felt more and more like his usual self. Felix felt better
knowing he had been able to alleviate the doubts that plagued his best friend, doubts he had
himself felt numerous times as they grew up and even during the years they were apart. It was
maybe selfish, but it felt good knowing that Chan could also feel that way about him, that he too
was afraid to lose his best friend, his brother, his home, to someone else.

“Good..” Chan smiled, stealing a little glance to Felix from the corner of his eye. “So.. How do you
feel about ice cream?” he asked.

And the bright, childish smile growing on Felix’s face at the question told him everything he
needed to know as he focused on the road once more, heading for the closest ice cream shop
around.

And with that, the two best friends spent the rest of their day together, eating ice cream, going
shopping, taking silly selfies together and simply being unapologetically themselves with each
other. They ran around like they were still kids, enjoying each other's presence and needing
nothing else to have an amazing time. It was just so simple with them. It always had been and Felix
knew it always would be.

After this conversation, after this day, Felix was hoping that Chan knew just as well as he did that
no matter what, in the very end, it would always be just Felix and Chan, the two best friends
against the rest of the world. They were each other's home, each other's safe space, each other's
soulmates. And it may look weird for some people, but it wasn’t romance that bound them
together, it wasn’t lust or a misplaced sense of loyalty due to their friendship back in the day. They
were bound by a lucky draw of fate. Their friendship was meant to be, simply because Chan was
the other part of his soul, the other part of himself. And of that, Felix was completely sure.
When they finally set foot at the house again, they were both exhausted beyond belief. The day had
been one of the best days they both had in a long time. Felix was sad to see it come to an end so
quickly, but Chan rarely rested enough and Felix wanted him to go to bed soon so he could have at
least one good night's sleep amidst all of his sleepless night where he was usually working instead
of resting. So as soon as they got home they both climbed the stairs, Chan accompanying Felix to
his door instead of going straight to his own room.

“You can sleep with me again, you know?” Chan softly said, glancing at the door, knowing
Hyunjin was probably inside the room.

“I’m fine, really.” Felix smiled. He loved sleeping with Chan, but he couldn’t hide in Chan’s room,
in Chan’s arms forever. “Just go to sleep. No work tonight, alright?” he warned his friend with a
little smile.

Chan simply nodded with a chuckle. He seemed too tired to work anyway, his eyes small and
exhausted. He looked like he could fall asleep right then and there without warning.

“Thank you for today..” Chan said, reaching for Felix to pull him into a tight, warm hug.

Felix wrapped his arms around Chan, burying his nose in his chest like he had done so many times,
holding him tight like he was trying to drive home the point he had made earlier. He was here and
he wasn’t going anywhere. After a few seconds, Chan took a step back and yawned, making Felix
giggle. Chan waved and was about to start walking back to his room, but he stopped in his tracks,
looking over his shoulder with a tender smile.

“I love you Lixie.” he simply said.

There was a little pause. Those words were always hard for Felix to say, probably because he
hadn’t heard them much growing up. That was why, usually, when Chan was saying it, he didn’t
respond in kind, instead hugging him or doing something to show his love for him instead of
saying it out loud. But there were moments when hearing those words meant more than knowing
they were true. And after today, Felix felt like this was one of these days for Chan.

“I love you too Chris. Felix responded, the tenderness in his eyes showing just how true this was.

Chan nodded, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and his eyes shining with emotion as
much as tiredness. And then he simply walked away, disappearing behind the door to his room.
Only then did Felix turn away, opening the door to his own room to slide inside.

The lights were off but, as his eyes accustomed to the dark, he could see that Hyunjin wasn’t
asleep. He was sitting on his bed, his long black hair wet, a towel around his neck, and he was
waiting for Felix, there was no doubt about that since the boy was staring at him as soon as he
entered the room. Felix thought Hyunjin would be angry at him again for the way he left in the
middle of their conversation. He did seem intense, sitting in the dark with a frown, his eyes intently
following Felix’s every movement. But he didn’t get up to pin Felix against a wall again, he didn’t
scream, he barely even moved, simply lifting a hand to pat the spot next to him on the mattress.

“Come here.”
 Whatever You Want, Baby.
Chapter Notes

There it is! A little chapter full of Hyunlix and only Hyunlix! No Chan coming to save
the day! It's been a while, so I hope you're happy about it! I sure am ♥

Felix was hesitant about going to sit so close to Hyunjin, to go back on his bed. Not because he
didn’t want it, but because he definitely did. Still, how could he refuse anything to him when he
was using this voice, looking at him like that? So he walked towards him, not bothering to switch
on the lights since he could see well enough through the darkness. Hyunjin looked at him in
silence while he slowly sat down, the mattress lowering under his weight. He could feel the
warmth of Hyunjin next to him, their legs brushing against one another.

Felix didn’t know what to do or what to say and he was waiting for Hyunjin to hopefully open his
mouth, start the conversation one way or another. That’s not what Hyunjin did though. Once Felix
was seated next to him, he shifted his body, suddenly laying on his bed, his damp hair hitting his
pillow and, as Felix wondered why he had made him come to the bed if he wanted to sleep,
Hyunjin grabbed his arm, pulling him down with him until Felix was laying down on Hyunjin’s
bed. It was just like the night when they had slept together, but instead of having his back to
Hyunjin, Felix was now face to face with him, Hyunjin’s gorgeous features a little too close to his
own for comfort.

“Hyunjin..?” Felix asked in a small whisper, unsure.

“Just.. Stay like this for a little bit.” Hyunjin said, more a command than a suggestion, his hand
letting go of Felix’s arm to casually go rest on the smaller boy’s hip.

Felix simply nodded, speechless, breathless, motionless. He didn’t even know if he could think
properly with him being so close, touching him. The scenario was looking more and more like the
scene from the other morning that kept replaying in his head.

“Did you have fun?” Hyunjin asked, surely talking about his day with Chan.

Felix felt Hyunjin’s fingers grip his hip a little tighter. His heart fluttered as, for only a second, he
let himself think that this gesture seemed a little possessive, but he pushed the thought out quickly
enough focusing back on the question. He didn’t know if Hyunjin actually wanted to hear about his
day but it gave him something else to think about and the distraction was welcome.

“Um.. Yeah..” Felix nodded. “ We went for ice cream, so that was really fun.. Um.. We did a bit of
shopping too and..”

He didn’t feel Hyunjin tugging sneakily on his hoodie, trying to make it go high enough that a little
patch of flesh would appear from under Felix’s clothes at hip level. Felix realized it only when he
felt Hyunjin’s tantalizing touch against his naked skin. And when he did, he stopped dead in his
tracks, losing the ability to speak, his lips slightly parted. Hyunjin was looking at him, unflinching,
just the shadow of a smile at the corner of his lips. Felix knew he was probably imagining it, but he
looked dangerously seductive and desirable right at this second.
“And?” he asked, sounding teasing.

Felix blinked once, twice, trying to remember what it was that he was even talking about just a
second ago. All that his mind seemed to be able to focus on was the fingers on the bare flesh of his
hip. Still he forced his mind to focus, continuing his explanation about what he did with Chan
during the day.

“Chan showed me some cool places, we took a lot of great photos. Really it was..”

Hyunjin started to move his fingers on Felix’s skin, first forming little tight invisible circles on his
flesh, the movements getting wider and wider with each stroke. Soon the tip of Hyunjin’s fingers
was creeping under Felix’s hoodie, his cool skin against Felix’s burning one. Very slightly, very
softly, he moved his hand up, the movement barely noticeable. But Felix noticed, because he could
feel in great detail every tiny spot where his skin was in contact with Hyunjin’s fingers.

“Hyunjin..?” Felix asked, barely remembering how to use his own voice suddenly.

“Umm?”

“What.. What are you doing?” Felix whispered, already feeling his face getting slightly pink, his
whole body hot.

Hyunjin moved his hand higher still, his palm disappearing completely under the black hoodie
now, using the tip of his fingers to caress Felix’s side. Felix was holding his breath all the while,
watching Hyunjin who was still looking at him intently.

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked, feigning innocence.

Slowly, teasingly, his fingers drifted from Felix’s side to his front, Hyunjin pressing his palm
against Felix’s bare chest for a second. He could probably feel how hard Felix’s heart was beating
against his hand, but quickly he started caressing his skin again, doing little circles on his naked
flesh with the tip of his fingers, his eyes scanning Felix’s face as always, his lips slightly parted, his
tongue running along his bottom lip for just a second.

“What do you.. with.. your hand..” Felix stuttered. He was as embarrassed as he was aroused,
making his voice raspy, low and shy.

“You don’t like it?” Hyunjin asked, his voice almost as teasing as his fingers were, tracing invisible
lines on Felix’s chest, between his pecs. “I wanted you to know that.. When I touch you it’s
because I want to, not because I’m asleep..” he continued, his eyes drifting to Felix’s lips for a
second before returning to his eyes.

Hyunjin was still looking at Felix with the same calm demeanor but it seemed like his composure
was starting to shatter little by little, his tongue sliding on his bottom lip or simply peeking from
the corner of his mouth more and more often, his breathing a little less slow and regular as it was
before. Felix didn’t know if he did it on purpose or not, but Hyunjin shifted his body a little bit, to
get that much closer to him and suddenly his face was so close that their foreheads touched, the tip
of his nose brushing Felix’s.

He could feel Hyunjin’s hot breath on his face and this, paired with his fingers, the proximity, the
darkness.. It was all a lot and it felt suddenly very erotic. Felix knew how red his face must’ve
been right about now. But just like last morning, he was mesmerized by Hyunjin’s touch, unable to
move or act to stop it. He even had a hard time processing what Hyunjin had told him. Did it mean
he actually was awake the whole time last morning? Did he tease him like that voluntarily? Did he
hear him moan under his fingers?

“Wha..” Felix started, but promptly shut his mouth when he felt Hyunjin’s fingers slide down, just
like the morning before.

Hyunjin deliberately slowy traced a path down Felix’s abs with the tip of his finger, his short
fingernail very gently scraping the sensitive skin, giving Felix a shiver in his whole body that
forced him to bite his lower lip suddenly, Hyunjin’s eyes focused on every one of his expressions.
Seeing Felix bite his lip, his eyes instantly turned there, admiring Felix’s mouth. He lifted his free
hand, his thumb finding Felix bottom lip and applying just the tiniest bit of pressure to free it from
Felix’s teeth. His thumb then glided slowly on the soft, pink skin of Felix's lip, all the while
Hyunjin was licking his own lips, looking intently at what he was doing. His other hand was still
very slowly going down Felix’s abs, his light touch putting Felix’s whole body on fire.

“Your skin is so soft..” Hyunjin stated, his voice low and smooth, his face so close to Felix’s. “Did
Chan touch you like that too..?” he then asked, an edge appearing in his voice, his eyes intense.
“Did he.. bite those pretty lips of yours?” he continued, his thumb once more caressing Felix’s
lower lip slowly. “Did he put his mark on your lovely neck..?” he questioned, his hand sliding from
Felix’s lips to his neck, caressing his skin just above his pulse, where he was so sensitive.

At first Felix simply shook his head as a response, his lips parted, his breath quick, his heart
hammering in his chest. It was hard to remember that he actually had to answer Hyunjin with his
hands all over him. Just like it was harder and harder to ignore that it was pure jealousy in
Hyunjin’s eyes, in his voice, in his words. Felix was trying very hard to remind himself it wasn’t,
but still he started to hope once more that maybe Hyunjin wasn’t just playing, that he was seeing
Felix the way Felix was seeing him. But he didn’t want to hope, he didn’t want to get hurt. But it
was too late because he did, and so, inevitably, he would.

“It’s not like that..” he managed to say, barely audible because it was hard for him to form any
coherent thoughts at the moment.

Hyunjin slightly groaned, like he had a hard time believing Felix and he didn’t like the idea that
Chan had, indeed, touched him like that. The sound reverberated into Felix’s whole body, making
him tingle from the inside and press his thighs firmly together. How could this man have such a
powerful effect on him with just a sound? Felix didn’t remember anyone having so much power
over him before, not even Chan when Felix was still having romantic feelings for him.

“Did he.. go further than that then?” Hyunjin asked, his hand sliding all the way down to the edge
of Felix’s pants, his fingers teasing, sliding along the rim just like they had done the morning
before. The look on his eyes was so intense Felix couldn’t even stare back at him. “Hmm? Did he
make you his, Felix?” he continued, the tip of his fingers going under the edge of his pants, just the
tiniest bit.

Felix was turned on, he really was. But this little jealousy act was confusing him greatly, his mind
running in circles, trying simultaneously to deny that Hyunjin could be jealous, trying to figure out
why he was suddenly touching him so intimately and wondering whether or not he should let him
go any further because he wanted it so bad despite knowing the risks of Hyunjin not wanting more
than that in the morning.

So, finding strength he wasn’t sure he still possessed, he moved to put his hand on top of
Hyunjin’s, under his sweatshirt, softly grabbing his fingers to stop their movement. And, with a
tinge of regret, he pulled Hyunjin’s hand away from his skin, bringing it between them on the
mattress but still holding on to it. He knew he couldn’t think clearly if Hyunjin kept touching him
and it seemed like a good idea to have a clearer head right now.
“Why are you doing this?” Felix asked, his voice still raspy from all the excitement of the last few
minutes. “The touching, the.. jealousy.. You’re confusing me..” he admitted, looking away from
Hyunjin as much as he could despite their closeness.

“Why?” Hyunjin chuckled, like the answer should’ve been obvious. “Because I like you.”

Felix’s head shot up at that. Surely he had heard him wrong. And still his heart made a flip in his
chest, skipping a beat, a surge of hope bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He knew he had a crush
on Hyunjin, one he wanted to be reciprocated, but he never realized just how much he wanted to
hear those exact words. So much so that it hurt. Still he couldn’t believe it. The signs were all in
front of him, clear as day, and still he couldn’t let himself think it could be the truth.

“You do?” he asked, bewildered.

“I haven’t exactly been subtle about it..” Hyunjin laughed softly, but looking into Felix’s eyes he
must have realized that he was truly shocked by the news. “I’ve been calling you ‘baby’..” he
pointed out, like it made it obvious.

“I..I thought you called everyone else that.” Felix shrugged.

“Oh no.. It’s just you baby.” he smiled, the nickname still having so much effect on Felix despite
the number of times Hyunjin had called him that. “Not mentioning that I’m always trying to get
your attention, especially when Chan is around. I always have my hands all over you. Damn, Felix,
I would’ve undressed you right there if you hadn’t stopped me... “ he chuckled, licking his lips like
he was thinking about his hands on Felix’s skin again. Felix definitely was. “I’m pretty sure
everyone knows how hard I’m crushing on you. Well.. Expect you apparently.”

Felix was so happy it made him afraid to even move, scared that if he did, it would break the
moment or he would wake up realizing it was all a stupid fantasy of his. Hyunjin lifted his hand,
the one that was holding his, and turned Felix’s hand to press a kiss on the back of it, looking at the
boy with the most genuine little smile, proving once more he was being serious. Felix was
flustered, realizing how oblivious he had been in the past few days. He didn’t even know how he
was supposed to answer, so he said the first thing that popped out of his head.

“I never slept with Chan.” he said. “I mean.. What I mean is.. It’s not like that, he’s my brother so..
You don’t have to worry..” he sheepishly said, looking away, feeling his cheeks burn.

Hyunjin’s body shifted, getting closer to Felix still, entangling his long leg with Felix’s shorter one
on the mattress, trying to press himself against the other boy as much as he could while still being
able to look at him. His free hand came up to Felix’s face, his fingers tracing his jawline softly.
Felix wanted to close his eyes to enjoy his touch but looked over at Hyunjin once more instead.

“I’m sorry… It’s just.. Every time he’s around your face lights up and..” Hyunjin started, his thumb
moving to caress Felix’s lower lip again like before. “..you have the most beautiful smile.” he
sighed, pressing his forehead more firmly against Felix’s. “It drives me crazy.”.

Felix never realized his face or his smile were different around Chan but he wasn’t surprised about
it. He couldn’t do anything about it either, Chan would always be special, always be important. But
so was Hyunjin now, despite how much Felix was trying to minimize his feelings to not get hurt.
He didn’t know the boy very much yet and love was maybe a strong word, but he could already
tell he was deeply infatuated with him, more than he had been with everyone else before except for
Chan himself. So, on instinct, Felix mimicked Hyunjin’s gesture, turning his hand and bringing it
to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back of it. He heard Hyunjin’s breath hitch as Felix’s lips lingered
just a second too long against his skin. He realized it was the first time he kissed Hyunjin in any
way shape or form, but it seemed like the natural thing to do to ease his mind, even just a little bit.

“Chan is like my brother..” he said in a soothing voice, his thumb now caressing the back of
Hyunjin’s hand where his lips had been just a second before. “And I.. I don’t want you to be like
my brother..” he admitted more shyly, a little sheepish pout on his lips.

“And what do you want me to be..?” Hyunjin asked, a little smile on his lips, squeezing Felix’s
hand.

He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. Boyfriend? Lover? Partner? Everything
sounded scary to him, like if he put a real name on it, it would make it easier to lose in the future.
Relationships ended all the time, maybe not naming it was the secret to keep it alive. And Felix
wasn’t sure where they stood together, they barely knew each other so he didn’t want to rush
things either. He really liked Hyunjin and he wanted the world to know but he had no idea what he
was doing in this kind of situation.

“I.. don’t know..” he shrugged. “But.. Whatever this is, can we.. take it one step at a time?” he
asked with a small, shy voice. “Get to know each other better, maybe?” he continued. “I.. I’ve
never really been.. like this, with someone befire..” he admitted, embarrassed.

What he meant was he had never really dated anyone before. Not that Hyunjin and him were
dating, it was maybe a little quick to say that, but they both liked each other and that was what
people who liked each other did eventually. Sure, Felix had fooled around a little bit in his late
teenage years, after Chan left, having some physical connections to fill the hole Chan’s departure
had created in his chest. But even those had been pretty rare. When Chan was around he was all
Felix could focus on, the only person he was interested in. And Chan had been a part of his life for
many years. And when he left, Felix simply didn’t find a point in dating, probably because he
never managed to find someone who could compare to Chan in the slightest. And definitely not
someone that had the effect Chan had on him. The effect that Hyunjin now had on him. And in the
last few years, he had been so focused on his studies, his extracurricular activities, and on pleasing
his parents that dating simply wasn’t in his mind at all anyways.

A little hint of surprise flashed through Hyunjin’s eyes when he heard Felix say he had never been
in this situation with anyone before, but soon he was softly smiling at him again, not a hint of
annoyance on his face at the idea of taking it slow, despite how turned on they both had been just
moments before.

“Whatever you want, baby.” he whispered, tilting his head to press the softest kiss on the tip of
Felix’s nose.
 I Never Left
Chapter Notes

Okay, we're going on a little emotional trip with today's chapter! I wanted to start
telling the characters' backstories. OBVIOUSLY those backstories are NOT canon-
compliant. Despite how much I like and try to stick to canon as best I can, there are
some things I need to change to suit the story I'm trying to tell, and those backstories
are definitely important, in my mind, to understand more about why some characters
do the things they do or are the way they are.

Today we're focusing on Hyunjin's backstory and I hope it doesn't offend you or
trigger you in any way! If it does, I'm so so sorry, it wasn't my intention!

I hope you like it, and as always, thank you so much you beautiful people for the love
you're always showing to me and this story ♥

Felix was surprised by Hyunjin’s gesture but he liked it. He liked it a lot. A kiss on the tip of his
nose felt like such a small but intimate thing, something nobody else but Hyunjin would do to him.
And this idea made him happier than he thought a simple peck could. Hyunjin leaned back, putting
his head back against his own pillow, still staying as close as Felix as he could. He lifted his hand
with a tender smile, brushing away a few pink strands from Felix’s face with the tip of his fingers.

“I really love this..” he whispered, almost like he was actually talking to himself, looking at Felix’s
new hair as he moved the strands with his fingers.

“Really? It’s not.. weird?” Felix asked, still weirded out that nobody had scolded him for it since it
was what he was used to when he had dyed his hair in the past.

Hyunjin shook his head softly, brushing some more of Felix’s hair between his slender fingers
before letting them slide to his face, tracing his jawline slowly, his tender smile never leaving his
lips, his eyes glued to Felix’s face.

“You’re beautiful.” he stated so genuinely it was hard not to believe it, despite how bad Felix was
at accepting compliments. “This color is very.. you. Cute and.. sexy.” he continued with a very soft
chuckle.

Felix was surprised to hear that Hyunjin found him sexy. Cute, he could understand, it was
something he often heard. After all, he had pretty child-like features and his personality sometimes
made people wonder if he was actually a young man and not a toddler. But sexy? He didn’t think
so. And he wanted to say exactly that to Hyunjin, he wanted to tell him ‘I’m not sexy’. But those
weren’t the words that came out of his mouth at all.

“You’re sexy.” he bluntly stated, before realizing what he had just said, his eyes widening and his
cheeks getting instantly red as Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, an amused smile on his lips. “I mean..
your.. hair. It’s.. sexy. I mean, it’s pretty. It’s nice..” he stuttered, stumbling over his words to cover
up the fact that he had just called Hyunjin ‘sexy’ straight to his face.

Hyunjin bursted out in a soft, quiet laughter, his eyes shining with amusement and endearment, his
fingers leaving Felix’s face to settle between them on the mattress as he slowly calmed down.

“Thank you baby.” he said, the laughter still audible in his voice. “You like it?” he then asked and
Felix just knew that if he had been standing he would’ve tilted his head right there.

If there was one thing that Felix had picked up during his few moments with Hyunjin, it was that
he always acted like a very confident, cocky person who was aware of both his beauty and his
talent. But he seemed to need reassurance and praise more than he let on, always asking Felix if he
liked something he did, or if he did good at something. Felix didn’t find that childish or weird. He
found that very endearing. And more than that, it was a feeling he could understand very well. So
he nodded at Hyunjin’s question.

“It’s pretty..” he repeated sheepishly. “I liked the blond too.. Why did you decide to change it?” he
then asked, genuinely curious.

It was a fun coincidence that both of them had decided to dye their hair the same day. And of
course it was just that, a coincidence, but Felix liked to think it was some sort of sign. It was
cheesy and maybe a little cringy and pathetic, but Felix found comfort in that sort of thing, in the
idea that sometimes the world was sending signs like these his way.

“I wanted to do it for a while.” he shrugged. “I was a little.. on edge, that day.” he started to explain
and a little guilty pout formed on Felix’s lips, knowing Hyunjin had been angry about him fleeing
like he did. But Hyunjin smiled back at him. “I went to the dance studio to work and when I was
getting ready to come back I just.. decided to dye it, just like that.” he shrugged again. “When
something bothers me, I always find it very therapeutic to dye my hair. Freeing, in some way..” he
chuckled at his own words. “It’s a little weird, isn’t it?”

“Not at all..” Felix murmured, shaking his head.

He was floored. He had had the exact same thoughts when he decided to enter the hair salon,
thinking about how dyeing his hair had been one of the only freedoms he had as a teenager, one he
had lost when he grew up and started to follow his parents orders to the letter.

“Why did you?” Hyunjin softly asked, smiling.

“Because I could.” Felix answered frankly.

And it was the pure truth. He had done it because he could, and it was the most freeing feeling
ever. Because there were not a lot of things he was able or allowed to do in the past, other than the
things his parents decided for him, like taekwondo or French lessons. Being able to go to a salon,
pick a color and just get out of there with pink hair without being worried of his parents reaction
when he came home, it had lifted up his mood tremendously that day.

“I sense a story behind that..” Hyunjin softly chuckled, but he seemed intrigued.

“Not really..” Felix shrugged. “Nothing interesting at least.” he smiled back.

The tender look on Hyunjin’s face made him feel safe, made him understand that the boy wanted
to learn more and was ready to listen if Felix was ready to share. But that it was okay if he wasn’t
ready for it just yet. He didn’t know how he could pick up all that from a simple look, a simple
smile. But he could and that made him want to explore that connection between them more, to
deepen it. Felix had said he wanted to get to know Hyunjin more to advance things between them,
but he couldn’t expect Hyunjin to share his life story without him offering a little bit of himself in
exchange.
“I told you I don’t have the best relationship with my parents, right?” he started, a little anxious to
talk openly about this. Nobody knew this kind of thing except Chan who had witnessed his family
dynamic himself. And even with him, he didn’t often bring up the subject. Hyunjin nodded in
silence. “Well it might’ve been a slight understatement.” he admitted. “I… come from a very strict
household. My big sister was the golden child so obviously my parents expected me to do even
better than her. They weren’t really happy to realize that I didn’t have her knack for studying or her
natural charisma in public settings. They were even less happy when I started spending all my time
dancing and singing. So you can imagine what my parents thought about me hanging out with
Chan.” he chuckled a bit to brighten the mood, not wanting his story to get too serious. “The older I
got, the more they pressured me and it got to a point where my whole life was dictated by them.
taekwondo lessons, French lessons, piano lessons. And, of course, law school. It was suffocating.”
he shrugged. “I got out just before I drowned and.. Well you know the rest. I ended up.. here.”

During Felix’s monologue, Hyunjin had gradually lost his smile, seeming more sad and angry by
the second at what he was hearing, what Felix had to go through. He was firmly holding Felix’s
hand in his. Felix didn’t want the mood to be ruined, he didn’t want Hyunjin to pity him or even to
be angry at the story he had just told him. Still, it made his heartbeat just a little faster to see that
expression on his face, it showed that he already cared a lot about Felix despite the small amount
of time they had spent together.

“You did good, coming here.” Hyunjin said, lifting his free hand to caress Felix’s hair. It was as
much a praise as it was a sign of his affection for him, he seemed genuinely grateful that Felix had
ended up here after his tribulations. “You’re home now. You have a new family that will always
have your back. Stray kids stick together.” he announced, his voice tender but serious enough that
Felix could understand he meant every word of it.

“It does feel like.. home.” Felix admitted with a shy smile.

It wasn’t a feeling he was very used to. The only time he had felt home was when he was with
Chan. He had a place he called “home”. His parents’ house. But despite the name, it never felt like
home. This house, these people, did. Even though Felix barely knew them, despite the fact that he
had only been here a few days, he felt more at peace, more at ease, more like he belonged here
than he ever did back in Australia.

Hyunjin’s body was slightly tense, his eyes intense, drifting between Felix’s eyes and his lips. It
seemed like he wanted to do something, hug him, kiss him, anything he could to show to Felix that
he did belong, that this place, with him, was indeed his home. And he seemed to resist this urge as
best he could, probably because he wanted to respect Felix’s wish of taking things slow, not
knowing what the other boy would be comfortable with just yet. Felix could actually see that
conflict dancing in Hyunjin’s eyes and, so he would relax again and take his mind off of the whole
business of Felix’s past, he opened his mouth.

“What about you then? How did you become a.. stray kid?” he asked with a little smile, using this
nickname that they all seem to give themselves for a reason that was still pretty mysterious to
Felix.

Hyunjin didn’t look relieved by the change of subject like Felix thought he would. He actually
looked very hesitant suddenly. Felix didn’t know why the question made his whole mood change
so drastically, looking away from Felix, biting the inside of his cheeks nervously. He was about to
tell Hyunjin he didn’t have to talk about anything he wasn’t comfortable with, realizing that maybe
Hyunjin’s past wasn’t any better than his, but before he could actually open his mouth, Hyunjin
beat him to it.
“I’m an only child. I never really knew my father, he left my mom when she was pregnant. He was
some kind of photographer, that's all I know. See my mom fancied herself a model. She was a
pageant queen in her younger years, took a few pictures and all that, but she never went far in the
industry because she got pregnant with me when she was very young.” he explained, his voice low,
almost a whisper. “I basically ruined her dreams so she wasn’t very happy with me..”

He actually sounded guilty, like he genuinely believed it was his fault for ruining his mother’s
modelling career. It broke Felix’s heart a little bit. As he talked, Hyunjin kept absently playing with
strands of Felix’s hair between his fingers, still refusing to meet Felix’s eyes though. Felix brought
his hand up to caress Hyunjin’s arm, to remind him of his presence, make him feel safe and try to
soothe him from whatever memories were running through his mind as he was telling this story.

“When she realized that I was growing up to be… pretty, I guess, her whole demeanor with me
changed though. I was about.. nine, I think when she took me to my first casting. After that, it was
photoshoot after photoshoot, some recordings for commercials too and stuff like that. By the time I
turned thirteen she made me drop out of school to focus on modelling since I was doing pretty
good in that field. But the modelling world is always moving, the trends are changing fast.” he
shrugged. “Before she knew it, people didn’t want to hire me anymore. I was beautiful, but not
enough to be in magazines like before. I wasn’t what the industry wanted anymore.”

Felix squeezed Hyunjin’s shoulder, caressing the skin of his arm, peeking out of his t-shirt, with
his thumb in what, he hoped, was a soothing motion. Felix didn’t know Hyunjin’s mother but
slowly he was starting to feel a powerful hatred for that woman who had basically used her own
son to fulfil her dreams, with no regards for his own needs and wants. He didn’t think it could get
much worse than that. He was wrong.

“The years after that were pretty rough. She kinda got into alcohol, some drugs too I’m pretty sure,
even though I never saw her take anything in front of me.. Our relationship got abysmal. She was
nice to me when I brought money back and when I was useful to her but now.. I just became
useless. I took a few part-time jobs here and there but at thirteen there’s not really lots of places that
accept to make you work..” he shrugged again, like he was trying to make it all look not as bad as it
was. “That lasted about two or three years that way. I actually hit puberty pretty late but once I did,
I grew multiple inches and my face changed quite a bit. That’s when people started to notice me
again. Not modeling agencies though..”

He stopped for a few seconds after that, starting to bite furiously the inside of his cheeks again,
stubbornly looking anywhere but at Felix, his whole body tense under Felix’s hand. Once more,
Felix was ready to tell him that he had shared enough, that whatever else happened, he didn’t have
to tell the story to Felix if it was making him this uncomfortable. But Hyunjin finally took a deep
breath, continuing his tale once more.

“Because of my years as a model, my mom had made quite a few friends just by hanging around
during photoshoots and the like. Rich friends. Older friends.. Some women and a lot of men. When
I was around sixteen, a lot of her friends that came to visit started to comment on how handsome I
had become, how I was now nearly a man and not a boy anymore. Going as far as to say that a lot
of people would pay to have someone like me at their side.. So when one of her friends, a forty-five
years old movie producer, actually offered her money so he could have his way with me, she.. said
yes.”

Hyunjin barely whispered the last words. Felix had already started to have trouble breathing
correctly while he was listening to his tale, but now his breath hitched and he felt like he stopped
breathing altogether. He squeezed Hyunjin’s shoulder a little bit harder without even realizing it.
Anger and disgust flowing through his whole body, all directed towards Hyunjin’s mother. Hyunjin
dared a glance towards Felix’s face but he must have misinterpreted the disgust he read on it,
probably thinking that it was directed towards him, because he quickly looked away, his
expression even more hurt and anxious than before.

“I didn’t.. I’m not.. soiled..” he breathed, his voice cracking the slightest bit. Felix would never
think something like that of him, no matter what happened in the rest of the story, but he didn’t get
to tell him that because Hyunjin, with his hurt expression stuck on his face, was already continuing
his explanation. “I mean.. My mom dropped me off at his place on the night it was.. supposed to
happen. I was about to go in after her cab left but.. I couldn’t do it. So I ran away. I had nowhere to
go so I roamed the streets for a while. After nightfall, I had no idea where I was anymore. I sat on a
random bench, sure I was going to have spent the night outside.. Maybe twenty minutes later it
started to rain. I was soaked, cold and I looked miserable.” he shrugged for the umpteenth time.
“And then.. Chan appeared. He tried to talk to me, I’m not really sure what he said anymore, I was
honestly not listening to him.. So he basically dragged me here, offering me to at least spend the
night. And I never left.”

A heavy silence hung in the air once Hyunjin stopped talking. He was back at chewing the inside
of his cheeks, Felix could feel him slightly trembling under his palm, he looked distraught. Felix
understood that it wasn’t the story in and of itself that put him in that state, but, most likely, he was
scared of what Felix would think of him now that he knew about his past, about what he had
almost done. The way he had told the story, it seemed like Hyunjin thought most of it was his own
fault, that for ruining his mother’s chances at becoming a model, he basically deserved the way she
treated him. Felix knew better. He knew nothing was Hyunjin’s fault. More than that, nobody,
especially not Hyunjin ever deserved any of the things his mother put him through. If someone was
to blame, it was her. As well as this awful producer that tried to buy a teenage boy for his own sick
pleasure. They were the monsters of the story.

The way Hyunjin was deliberately fleeing Felix’s gaze, anxiously trembling in front of him with
this hurt and guilty look in his eyes, looking so small and scared compared to this confident,
sensual, strong Hyunjin Felix now knew.. It broke his heart in a million pieces. It made him angry,
a visceral need to soothe him, to protect him, bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

“Hyunjin..” Felix called, his voice firm but tender.

After a second, Hyunjin finally found the strength to turn his eyes and look at Felix. But it was
clear in his eyes that he was already bracing himself for the worst, probably thinking that Felix was
going to judge him, to be disgusted by him. It made Felix want to prove him wrong, to show him
his support and his affection, in the best way he knew how.

So, putting his hand on Hyunjin’s cheek, cupping his face, he shifted his body, closing the gap
between the two of them swiftly. After taking a long look at Hyunjin’s gorgeous face, at those eyes
that he wanted to see shine with amusement and joy, not with fear and guilt, at those plump lips
that always needed to be turned in a beautiful smile and not in that sad pout they were now in, Felix
closed his eyes. And, in a matter of seconds, he pressed his lips against Hyunjin’s.
 Probably Buried Somewhere
Chapter Notes

OMG we reached 5k hits, I can't believe it! You people are crazy. THANK YOU ♥

Not much happens in this chapter and it's a little short, I'm sorry, my brain was simply
not working last night while writing it! But I swear it's going somewhere, I have ideas!
And I plan on starting to develop other members and Felix's relationship with some of
the other guys in the near future so I hope you're looking forward to that!

The kiss was firm but gentle. Felix wanted Hyunjin to feel, through it, that he was there for him,
supporting him, that he wasn’t going anywhere. At first Hyunjin didn’t react, probably surprised by
Felix's sudden gesture. But it only took a second for him to get a grip on himself and reciprocate.
Quickly both of Hyunjin’s hands were on Felix’s cheeks, pressing his mouth more firmly against
Felix’s, arching his back unconsciously to press himself to Felix’s body as much as he humanly
could.

As he slightly parted his lips, the tip of his tongue demanding Felix entry, one of his hands slowly
slid in Felix’s pink hair, in the back of his head. Felix’s mind had completely shut off when
Hyunjin started to respond to his kiss, his body simply going with the flow now. When he opened
his mouth to give Hyunjin what he wanted, Hyunjin suddenly tugged on his hair gently to tilt
Felix’s head back and get better access to his mouth, his tongue taking over hungrily, dancing with
his. Felix had never been kissed like that before, despite his few experiences. The hair tugging,
Hyunjin’s body pressed against his, his eagerness and the way he was naturally taking the lead.. It
was so good it was driving Felix crazy.

Hyunjin teeth softly latched onto Felix’s lower lip as he tugged on his hair once more. And it was
too much for Felix who moaned in Hyunjin’s mouth before he could even realize it. Hyunjin
groaned in response, his lips crashing against Felix’s once more, his tongue finding his. The sound
was so sexy, so erotic and so was Hyunjin’s behavior, who barely seemed able to control himself.
And despite that, it was Hyunjin, after one last second, who leaned back, pressing his forehead
against Felix’s. He found the strength to stop it, a strength Felix wasn’t sure he would have had
himself, despite being the one who wanted to take things slow.

Hyunjin was biting his lower lip, looking at Felix, the both of them slightly breathless from their
kiss. Suddenly Felix’s cheeks turned a bright shade of pink at the realization that he had suddenly
kissed Hyunjin. It was to make him feel better, but still, Felix didn’t think he would be so forward
and simply go for it like he did.

“I’m.. so sorry.” he stuttered, wishing he could hide from Hyunjin’s gaze.

“Sorry about what?” Hyunjin chuckled. “I wanted to kiss you so bad..” he added, his voice low, his
eyes drifting to Felix’s lips as his thumb moved to caress his bottom lip gently. “Ever since I met
you.”

Felix was surprised to hear that. Surprised and excited. He liked the idea that Hyunjin had been
fantasizing about kissing him for as long as he, himself, had. He looked up at Hyunjin, his eyes
also lingering on his plump lips as his tongue glided on his own lips, the thought of kissing him
again haunting his mind already.

“...me too..” he admitted. His voice was sheepish despite the barely masked desire in his eyes.

“Baby..” Hyunjin's voice was low, a warning in his tone. “If you keep looking at me like that..” he
started.

Felix looked up from Hyunjin’s mouth to his eyes. He didn’t realize how intensely he was staring
at his perfect, kissable lips or even that desire was written all over his face. He did want to take
things slow but that didn’t mean that Hyunjin wasn’t insanely beautiful and sexy and that those
kinds of thoughts didn’t dance in his head non-stop. Looking at Hyunjin like that, Felix looked so
innocent, and still his lips, red and swollen from the kiss, gave him a sinful look that was very hard
to resist.

“You’re driving crazy..” Hyunjin muttered under his breath. “Come here..” he continued, using his
hand to pull Felix’s head towards him.

He guided Felix’s head to his neck, wrapping his arms around his small stature and burying his
own face in Felix fluffy pink hair. Felix wouldn’t have minded kissing Hyunjin some more, but he
liked that too. A lot. He put his hands on Hyunjin’s chest, slightly grabbing the fabric of his t-shirt
between his tiny fingers, all the while rubbing his nose unconsciously against the skin of Hyujin’s
neck for just a second before settling in this new position.

“Thank you for.. not judging me..” Hyunjin very softly whispered in Felix’s hair.

Felix was saddened that Hyunjin felt the need to thank him for that, proving how many people
must have judged him for his past before. But he had said himself that Felix was part of their
family now and supporting each other, loving each other no matter what, that was what family, real
family, did. Softly Felix pressed his lips against Hyunjin’s neck, just above his pulse before settling
back his head in the crook of his neck, comfortably. He didn’t want to say “you’re welcome” and
he hoped this tiny gesture would be enough for Hyunjin to understand that he was here for him, no
matter what. Hyunjin hugged Felix just a little bit tighter at that.

“Today was.. a lot. You should get some rest.” Felix said, tenderness in his voice, his lips brushing
against Hyunjin’s skin with each word.

Hyunjin answered with a low “umm”, pressing his head against his pillow, still holding on tight to
Felix’s body like he was scared to see him disappear from his arms in the middle of the night. The
thought made Felix slightly smile as he closed his own eyes, enjoying Hyunjin’s touch and his
scent all around him as he quickly drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

It was still pretty early in the morning when Felix opened his eyes. Hyunjin’s arms were still
loosely wrapped around him, his breathing slow and steady, tiny nonsensical sentences and words
coming out of his mouth here and there as always. Felix smiled in Hyunjin’s neck, enjoying his
warmth for just a little longer. He wanted to stay there all day, but since he was up early, he wanted
to get things done today. So after a few more minutes he leaned back, taking advantage of the fact
that Hyunjin was so deep in sleep that his grip around Felix was very loose. After a little maveuvre,
he was able to get out of the bed without waking up Hyunjin, glancing at his peaceful, cute
sleeping face for just a second before leaving the room on his tippy toes.

It was particularly cold this morning, even in the house, and as he was climbing down the steps,
Felix instantly regretted not grabbing one more layer of clothes to put on. He was sure he was the
first one up since the house seemed so calm and silent, but arriving in the living room he was
surprised by Chan, sitting in on the couch, the only light coming from his laptop, shining in his
face. Felix sighed, shaking his head before turning on the light. The sudden brightness of the room
made Chan slightly jump, turning his head towards Felix, squinting his eyes because of the light.

With a little chuckle Felix made his way to the couch, sitting beside Chan and pressing himself
against his best friend, his head on his shoulder, trying to feed off of his warmth. Chan wrapped an
arm around Felix’s small shoulders, using his laptop with only his free hand.

“You didn’t get any sleep, did you..?” Felix said with a little pout on his lips, sign that he wasn’t
happy about that fact.

“Just for a few hours.” Chan shrugged, already focusing back on whatever he was doing.

“Coffee?” Felix sighed, Chan answering with a distracted nod.

So, leaving Chan’s warm embrace Felix moved to the kitchen, doing a little dance while he was
putting beans in the coffee machine to keep himself warm. Once he could pour coffee in two mugs,
he did and quickly made his way back to the couch, eagerly sitting close to Chan, giving him one
mug while trying to warm himself up thanks to not only the coffee but Chan’s body warmth. Chan,
taking the cup, was chuckling at his screen.

“Bro, you’re already famous..” he said, looking at Felix with an amused smirk.

“What are you talking about?” Felix asked, wondering if Chan wasn’t simply delirious because of
the lack of sleep.

“We’ve uploaded the song we recorded last night, and it’s already blowing up.” Chan smiled,
proud and happy about the results, obviously.

“Congrats!” Felix exclaimed with a bright smile. “ But I don’t think that has anything to do with
me though.” he then chuckled.

Yes he had recorded one tiny verse for the song, but honestly, who would notice that amidst all the
stellar performance the other delivered? He was pretty sure his voice was the worst of all of them
on the whole track, even though he hadn’t heard the finished product himself. He was no singer, he
was no performer. He wasn’t them. And so he didn’t see what Chan meant when he said he was
‘already famous’.

“Well we uploaded Jisung’s last vlog a few hours before that..” Chan vaguely explained, Felix
raising an eyebrow at him to signify he still didn’t see where Chan was going with this. “We can
hear your voice once or twice in it, in the background! Plus Jisung calls for you at some, calling
you ‘brownie boy’..” Chan chuckled. “According to the comments people were really intrigued by
who you were since they never heard your voice in videos before. So when the new song dropped,
they all started to make the connection between the guy they called “brownie boy” and the new
voice we added in the last song.. There’s tons of comments about you on there bro..” Chan finally
finished, smiling at Felix like the younger was his son and he had just brought home an award of
some sort.

“Really..?” Felix asked, surprised people would even care about someone they only heard the
voice of for a few seconds. “I’m.. sorry, I didn’t think people would notice..”, he softly said with a
guilty pout.

“Why are you apologizing? That’s a compliment, they love your voice, that’s great!” Chan retorted
excitedly. “You know, you could really..” he started before stopping himself by biting his lower lip,
like he was about to say something but thought better of it at the last second.

“Could.. what?” Felix asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nevermind.. Brownie Boy! Chan chuckled, shaking his head before focusing on his screen again,
sipping his coffee.

Felix rolled his eyes at Chan with a soft little smile before putting his head back against his best
friend’s shoulder, drinking his coffee and silently watching him work while staying warm thanks to
him. Minutes passed without a word. As always the silence was simply comfortable between the
two of them and despite not knowing what he was doing, Felix always loved watching Chan work,
listening to his breathing paired with the cliquety of his keyboard. It had a soothing, calming aspect
to it for some reason.

“What are you doing today?” Chan finally asked after a while.

Felix shrugged. Once again he couldn’t flat out tell Chan that he was planning on looking for a job
at a restaurant or a café in the area, but it was starting to get pretty hard to simply tell him he was
going to go sight-seeing. How many days could he get away with that excuse before it started to
get suspicious? After all there weren't many things to see around this town after a few days of
visiting the area.

“Well if you’re not busy just this second, would you mind going to fetch Jisung for me? We have
some work to do that I want to be done with before this afternoon..” he sighed before looking at
Felix with a cute pout on his lips, probably trying to charm him into saying yes. Like he even
needed this. Felix simply nodded; Chan smiling brightly back. “Thanks Lixie! No need to knock,
they’re probably both still asleep. I’d do it myself but I have to finish this..” he explained, gesturing
to his computer.

“Just admit you hate waking up people..” Felix teased him, getting up and finishing his cup in one
gulp before putting it on the coffee table.

That was a fact, Chan was a real softie, especially when it came to people sleeping, he was
incapable of disturbing them just because, to him, they always looked so cute and comfortable. So
Felix wasn’t surprised he would dump this responsibility on someone else if he could. Chan stuck
his tongue out at Felix, making him giggle before he left the room, Chan focusing back on his
work once more.

It was a little weird for Felix, going into the room without knocking. When he was standing in
front of the door, it was his first instinct. Especially since he wasn’t very close with either Jisung
nor Minho just yet and barging in in their room unannounced seemed pretty rude to him. But Chan
had said that both of the boys were sleeping and so, not to disturb Minho, it was logical to go in
silently and wake up only Jisung. So after a little hesitation, Felix opened the door, peeking his
head inside.

He was expecting a room filled with darkness, a peaceful silence hanging in the air and two
sleeping figures in their beds. What he wasn’t expecting though, was to find both Minho and Jisung
standing in the middle of the room, in a tight embrace, their lips sealed together. He had had his
suspicions on their relationship but he wasn’t prepared to witness it first hand. He didn’t get to see
this particular sight for long though, because as soon as he heard the sound of the door creaking
open, Minho brutally snapped his head towards Felix, his eyes widening massively at the sight of
the intruder.

“So..Sorry!” Felix stuttered, closing the door at the speed of light.

He almost ran down the corridor and down the stairs after that, feeling very embarrassed to have
walked in on such an intimate, private moment between the two other guys. He sat back down on
the couch next to Chan, in silence, awkwardly staring at his feet, his face slightly flushed.

“So, Jisung?” Chan casually asked, focused on his screen.

“He’s gonna be down in a second.. I think..” Felix sighed, passing a hand on his face.

And so he was. Before Chan could even realize something was off with Felix, Jisung entered the
room, letting himself fall on the couch with a deep sigh, closely followed by Minho, who stayed
near the door, a more than displeased expression on his face, his eyes glued to Felix himself. Felix
gulped, Minho really didn’t seem happy with him right this second, and the other boy already
looked scary enough when he wasn’t trying, so now, with this angry, menacing look in his eyes, it
was way worse.

“You, me. Let’s go.” he said firmly, pointing at Felix and then at the entrance behind him.

“What is ha..” Chan started

“Don’t ask questions bro..” Jisung cut him off, sighing once more, passing his fingers through his
hair.

Minho was still staring at Felix, unflinching. But it was clear in his features that he was losing
patience fast. He probably wanted to talk about what happened, to tell Felix not to barge into his
room again. It was fair and so Felix thought the best thing to do was to simply follow him, listen to
him and try to resolve the issue calmly. He got up and as he started to walk towards Minho, the
other boy left the room, going into the entrance and then straight to the front door.

When Felix arrived in the entrance himself, Minho was putting his shoes on. He was about to ask
why they needed to go out of the house altogether to have this talk, but the menacing look Minho
gave him shut him up instantly. He wasn’t scared of Minho per se but, right this moment, he really
didn’t want to mess with him or make him even angrier than he already seemed to be. Felix didn’t
see why he was making such a big deal out of it. Sure he was embarrassed to have walked in on
them like that, but he hadn’t seen anything really salacious or spicy, so he didn’t understand the
level of Minho’s anger. But he wasn’t ready to say those things to his face in the state he seemed to
be in. So he put on his shoes too, following Minho outside, the door closing with a ‘bang’ behind
them.

A few seconds only after the front door closed behind Felix and Minho, a still really sleepy
Hyunjin climbed down the stairs and entered the living room, looking around, rubbing his eyes
with one hand and scratching the back of his head with the other. Only Chan and Jisung were there,
sitting in awkward silence, the only sound in the room coming from the TV in the background.
And no sign of the person he was really looking for, the reason he had woken up earlier than he
usually would.

“Where’ Felix?” he asked, his voice raspy because of sleep.

Chan shook his head and shrugged at the question. He seemed pretty confused for some reason.
Jisung sighed loudly and let his body fall deeper into the couch, crossing his arms on his chest, his
feet propped up on the coffee table, glancing at Hyunjin from the corner of his eyes before staring
at the TV in front of him intently.

“If I know Minho.. Probably buried somewhere where we’ll never find him..”
 You Saw Nothing

“Listen..” Felix tried to start the conversation with Minho once they were both outside.

But Minho was already walking towards a car in front of the house, opening the driver’s door and
hopping inside, waiting for Felix to do the same. It was getting weirder by the second and Felix
didn’t really know where Minho wanted to go if it was just to talk about what had happened. But if
he did want to have this talk, Felix couldn’t really refuse Minho’s conditions, so he ended up
walking to the car himself, settling quickly in the passenger seat, happy to finally be out of the cold
even though the atmosphere inside the car wasn’t any warmer.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Felix asked, closing his door.

“No.” was all Minho said, turning the key in the ignition.

This was a surprise, and Minho’s tone was so definitive it was a little frightening. Felix wasn’t
quite sure what actually was the point in calling him outside and forcing him into a car if Minho
was so adamant about not talking things out. Minho started the car and drove away from the house
slowly, not adding anything to it. So Felix decided to try one more time, cautiously.

“If it’s about what I saw..” he started, softly.

“You saw nothing!” Minho suddenly exclaimed, cutting him off but intently staring at the road
with a frown, his lips forming a tight line.

Felix almost jumped in his seat at the aggressivity in Minho’s voice. More than aggressive, he
sounded almost panicked. Scared. But about what? Felix didn’t understand what, in what he saw
this morning, was so horrible that it would put Minho in that kind of state. Then again he didn’t
know Minho at all and maybe he had his own reasons for freaking out, but Felix couldn’t take a
guess or put a finger on what those reasons might be. If Felix knew one thing for sure though, that
was that Minho wouldn’t have dragged him out of the house if he wasn’t planning on talking about
the situation at some point, despite him acting like the whole thing didn’t happen at all. And Felix
was nothing if patient. So he decided not to mention the events again before Minho was ready.

“Can you at least tell me where you’re taking me..?” Felix sighed softly, settling more comfortably
in his seat.

Minho didn’t answer right away, staring at the road, his knuckles almost white from firmly
gripping the wheel. But quickly enough Felix started to recognize the path they were taking. He
had followed this road not long ago, first in Chan’s car and then with Hyunjin in a cab.

“The dance studio?” Felix asked, almost expecting no response at all once more.

“Hyunjin said you were good.” Minho shrugged, never looking Felix’s way. “I only believe what I
see with my own eyes.” he added, turning the car to enter the parking lot.

Suddenly it made a lot of sense to Felix, why Minho had driven him away from the house. Hyunjin
had said that Minho was probably the best dancer in the whole house and Felix had to assume it
was because it was something the other boy really loved and was passionate about, just like it was
the case for Hyunjin and himself. If Minho was anything like Felix, dancing was also a way to
process his mental struggles and to take a load off of his shoulders by literally dancing the
problems away. That was how Felix’s relationship with dancing functionned and maybe it was the
same for Minho. Felix could only assume it was. So he didn’t say a single word after that, letting
Minho park the car, get out and walk inside the building and into their private practice room. But
he had a soft little smile in the corner of his lips while he was following the other boy.

Before Felix could even take off his hoodie, Minho had already plugged his phone to the sound
system, blasting a song Felix didn’t know and doing some quick stretches before the song beat
picked up and, in a matter of seconds he was already dancing. Felix stayed to the side, watching
him. Hyunjin didn’t lie, he was exceptionally good, each of his movements seeming so precise and
flawless without looking robotic. The choreography flowed organically, and Minho’s body flowed
with it. The frown he had the entire car ride wasn’t coming off of his face, but Felix could see in
the energy he was putting in each tiny step that he was working through something. He could
recognize the signs, having done the same thing countless times when he was younger.

Felix watched him for the whole duration of the song, Minho giving his best every single second
until the song ended. And only then did he look towards Felix for probably the first time since they
left the house, only to gesture him to come closer. There were no words exchanged. Felix
understood that Minho was saying ‘your turn’ leaving him space to do his thing. So he obliged.

He was nervous as he picked the song he was going to dance to. Almost as nervous as he had been
to dance in front of Hyunjin the first time he had been in this room. Hyunjin and Minho both had a
kind of talent that seemed unattainable for someone like him and dancing in front of either of them
was nerve wracking. Nonetheless, he went in front of the mirrors, waiting for the song to start.

A lot happened in the last few days and Felix felt like it was as good a time as any to exteriorize all
that in his dancing. He would have prefered to come here alone and let loose completely, letting
his body express itself with no added stress, without restraint, but still maybe this little dancing
session with Minho could do the trick for now. With that in mind, Felix closed his eyes, feeling the
beat of the song and, after a few seconds, letting his body talk and flow, losing himself in the
melody, if only for a few short minutes.

The song was finished before Felix even realized it and when he finally opened his eyes back up,
he looked towards Minho, finding him nodding approvingly while taking a few steps towards him.

“Jinnie was right, I can see the potential..” Minho said to him, definitely less curt and menacing
than before. “I could teach you a few things.”

“Really?” Felix exclaimed, excited by the prospect of someone as talented as Minho teaching him
ways of improving his skills.

“Sure.. Let’s do it.” Minho shrugged, walking towards the center of the room before stopping,
looking at Felix over his shoulder. “Oh and Felix..”

“Umm?”

“Don’t say anything to the others about..” he started, vaguely gesturing his hands instead of
finishing his sentence.

“I won’t.” Felix responded, with nothing but genuineness in his eyes.

And Minho simply nodded. Felix knew he wasn’t ready to say more just yet and that was why he
didn’t ask or make any comment. Still he didn’t think it was such a big deal and didn’t understand
why Minho would even try to hide it to the other members. Weren’t they all already aware that
something was going on between Minho and Jisung? Felix had only been in the house for a few
days and it already seemed pretty obvious to him. But it wasn’t his place to ask, not before Minho
showed him he was comfortable with the subject at least.

After that Minho took it upon himself to teach Felix multiple choregraphies from Stray Kids songs
that Hyunjin and him apparently choreographed themselves. Felix was very impressed and a bit
overwhelmed, but it was challenging and a lot of fun. Minho was a really good teacher. Despite
this cold exterior he showed to him since he arrived and despite the fact that he clearly was still on
edge about the whole situation from this morning, the dancer was patient, calm and meticulous in
his explanations and Felix was able to memorize a lot of things in a short amount of time. He was
grateful for that.

Felix had no idea how much time had passed before they finally took a break, but the both of them
were panting and covered in sweat. It reminded him of his time with Hyunjin in that same room.
Clearly Hyunjin and Minho had a lot in common when it came to dancing and giving it their all.
Felix liked that a lot. Both dancers were sitting on the ground, their back against the wall, trying to
catch their breath, panting loudly.

“You’re really good..” Minho managed to say between two breaths.

“Thanks! Coming from you, it means a lot.” Felix chuckled, tilting his head back against the wall,
taking deep breaths.

“I’m.. Sorry if I scared you earlier, alright?” Minho said, looking away. “I’ve been told I can come
off as menacing..” he added with a pout, clearly not happy to have been told such a thing.

“You’re fine. I’ve seen way worse, believe me.” Felix softly laughed, thinking about his mother’s
scolding face for just a second, a shiver almost running down his spine at the mental image of it.

“It’s just.. I don’t..” Minho sighed, throwing his head back too. Clearly he was uncomfortable.
“Nobody knows about it. About.. Jisung and I..” he continued, almost like he had to pry the words
out of his mouth.

“You know, I’m pretty sure they..” Felix started, about to blurt out that he was pretty sure
everyone knew, but he thought better of it before he could finish his sentence. “.. wouldn’t mind at
all.” he said instead.

“You don’t know that.” Minho shook his head firmly.

He seemed to really believe that the news could cause a stir, for some reason. Felix knew that at
least Chan, Hyunjin and himself wouldn’t mind. Chan because he was who he was, and Felix and
Hyunjin couldn’t really blame or judge Jisung and Minho when they were in almost the exact same
situation. He couldn’t speak for Seungmin, Changbin and I.N but he seriously doubted, from what
he saw of them, that the three of them would even blink at the news.

“I don’t.. want them to know. Can you just..” Minho sighed once more. “Can you just not say
anything, please?” he asked, his voice weak, finally looking at Felix.

“I already told you, my lips are sealed.” Felix answered without hesitation, throwing a comforting
smile Minho’s way.

Minho simply nodded as a response but a tiny shadow of a smile started to creep up on the corner
of his lips now that he had been reassured. The two of them stayed in a peaceful silence for a little
while after that, slowly but surely catching their breaths.
“And what about you and Jinnie then..?” Minho asked after a few minutes.

“What?” Felix asked, looking up at him, surprised. But he remembered Hyunjin telling him that
everyone was probably aware of his crush on Felix and so it made sense that Minho would know
something was up even if he wasn’t completely up to date on the whole situation. “It’s.. nothing..”
he said with a little shy voice, his cheeks burning.

“Right..” Minho answered, dragging the word with a little smile on the corner of his lips.

His voice sounded teasing and it was weird for Felix who had never been on the receiving end of
Minho’s teasing, or even really faced the more carefree, smiling, softer side of him. But he couldn’t
say he disliked it, it was the opposite. So he smiled back, even though his cheeks were still really
pink from thinking about his little make out session with Hyunjin from the night before. He
suddenly realized he hadn’t seen Hyunjin after that, since the boy was asleep this morning, and he
had no idea how to act or what to say after what happened. What if Hyunjin had changed his mind?
He didn’t really like the idea and didn’t want to think about it, it made him anxious.

“We should go back, before Chan starts to think I actually murdered you or something..” Minho
sighed with a little chuckle, getting to his feet with a grunt, offering his hand to Felix.

Felix took his hand with a little laugh, getting up with Minho’s help and dusting off his pants
before sliding his hoodie back on, the two of them promptly heading outside to get back to the car,
get back to the house.

During the drive home, Felix and Minho casually talked about random things, slowly discovering
that they had way much more things in common than they even realized. Suddenly it became as
easy to talk with Minho as it had been to dance with him. Once his cold facade was off, he was
sweet and fun and actually could be quite goofy at times. Felix had only seen a tiny portion of
Minho’s personality during this short ride home but still he felt infinitely closer to him nonetheless.
The event of this morning didn’t resurface in the conversation at all and Felix didn’t push for it. He
had the feeling that Minho would open up to him about it sooner or later. It seemed like Minho was
the kind of person who needed to feel safe with someone before talking about such things and Felix
didn’t peg him as someone who trusted people like that as easily as Felix or Chan did. And that
was okay, Felix could wait. When Minho finally decided he was trustworthy enough, Felix would
be there.

The two of them were deep in the middle of a riveting and very funny conversation when they
finally arrived at the house. So they entered, chatting happily as they took their shoes off before
flying through the living room, heading straight to the kitchen, completely unaware of all the heads
that turned to look at them pass from the couch.

“And then he said ‘Sir, this is a playground, not some cheap night club’! ” Minho exclaimed,
continuing his story.

Felix bursted out in laughter, shaking his head. Without interrupting Minho’s story, he pointed at
the coffee machine, Minho giving him a barely noticeable nod before continuing his monologue.
Felix, listening, fished two mugs out of a cupboard, pouring coffee in them and extending one to
Minho who took it between his two hands while narrating his story. The two of them seemed to
have suddenly transformed into a well oiled machine, a complete switch from the way they were a
few hours before, Minho cold and menacing and Felix shy and just a little bit scared.

“So you’re.. pals, now?” Jisung’s voice echoed behind them.

Turning, Felix realized Jisung, Chan and Hyunjin were all standing at the entrance of the kitchen,
looking at them with surprised or confused expressions on their faces. This made Felix giggle
slightly. Even though, glancing at Hyunjin, this anxious feeling crept back up on him, just the
slightest bit. But the sight of him still took his breath away, as always.

“We’re not allowed?” Minho asked, putting on this fake tough persona on, even though he was still
smiling, showing he wasn’t serious.

“No, no that’s.. great.” Chan said, raising an eyebrow, looking between the two of them.

“Great.” Minho repeated before drinking his whole cup in a few gulps. “Alright, I need a shower.”
he then announced, giving a friendly tap on Felix’s shoulder before simply leaving the room
without any more comments.

Jisung looked at him go before sighing loudly, shaking his head and then chuckling softly. Chan
simply looked a bit confused about the turn of events, looking at Minho leaving before looking
back at Felix. Jisung gave a pat on Chan’s shoulder.

“Don’t ask questions bro..” he said, just like he had done in the morning but with an amused smile
on his lips this time. Then it was his turn to disappear from the kitchen.

“.. Kids..” Chan sighed loudly, shaking his head before leaving the room to go back to the couch
and to his work after looking at Felix one last time, leaving only Felix and Hyunjin alone in the
room.

With a little chuckle Felix turned around to drop his now empty mug into the sink, but before he
could turn back the other way around, he felt long arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders
and his neck. In a second Felix was engulfed in Hyunjin’s arms and his scent. He closed his eyes a
second, savouring the moment.

“You were gone this morning..” Hyunjin softly said behind him. Felix could literally hear his little
pout in his voice. He turned in Hyunjin’s arms, facing him and looking up at him. “I thought
maybe you.. changed your mind or something.” he pouted some more.

Felix smiled at him, softly, tenderly. It seemed like Hyunjin too was insecure about this whole
situation, not knowing what to think or if he could relax just yet. Felix felt that way too and so he
could understand. It even eased his mind a little to see that Hyunjin was in the same mental state he
was. Gently, Felix lifted a hand, brushing away some strands from Hyunjin’s face to slowly tuck
them behind his ear, all the while shaking his head from left to right.

“I haven’t.. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you..” Felix sheepishly explained.

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, trying to press his face a little more against Felix’s hand as the
other was tucking his hair behind his ear, closing his eyes at the contact for just a second before
looking back at the smaller boy in front of him, his pout still firmly on his lips.

“I wanted good morning cuddles though..” he said with a childish voice.

“Well.. I’m here now, aren’t I?” Felix chuckled.

He didn’t know where this confidence came from. Maybe all the dancing he did this morning and
his newly formed friendship with Minho, paired with Hyunjin acting so vulnerable and cute had
made him just a little more bold this morning. He lifted himself on the tip of his toes to be able to
press a very soft very quick kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek before putting his feet back on the ground, his
hands on Hyunjin’s chest.
“Good morning, Hyunnie.” he smiled.
 Naughty Thoughts

A smile lit up Hyunjin’s face, a little surprise shining in his eyes, both at Felix’s gesture and at the
little nickname he had randomly given him. But it seemed to please him nonetheless, his hands
dropping from Felix’s shoulders to go rest on his small hips.

“Good morning, baby.” he answered, leaning closer to press a feather-light kiss on Felix’s
forehead.

Instead of leaning back, Hyunjin let his head fall on Felix’s shoulder, even though he had to hunch
his back to do so, pulling Felix closer to him in the process. Turning his head slightly, he rubbed
the tip of his nose against the sensitive skin of Felix’s neck, Felix closing his eyes instantly at the
feeling.

“What are you doing?” he asked, trying not to let his voice betray how much a simple tiny gesture
was having an effect on him.

“Cashing in on my morning cuddles..” Hyunjin simply announced.

“I really need to shower first!” Felix softly giggled, but still he tilted his head ever so slightly,
unconsciously, to offer Hyunjin better access to his neck.

“You don’t need to just yet..” Hyunjin softly said, rubbing his nose against Felix’s skin some more.
“Minho is in there already anyway..” he added. “.. you smell amazing..” he then whispered against
Felix’s skin, pressing his lips above his pulse.

The feeling of Hyunjin’s lips in his neck, his low voice echoing in the empty kitchen, it gave Felix
goosebumps in his whole body. He softly grabbed on to the fabric of Hyunjin’s t-shirt, leaning
against the kitchen counter behind him without even realizing that his body was reacting to
Hyunjin’s touch on its own, his eyes still closed, his head tilted to the side.

“What are you talking about… I’m covered in sweat..” Felix managed to counter despite his mind
becoming more foggy by the second.

“And?” Hyunjin simply asked, his lips moving in Felix’s neck, dropping little kisses on its path,
going up to his jaw and then back down in his neck. “What did you do with Minho to get all sweaty
anyway..?” he then asked against his skin.

Hyunjin’s hands gripped Felix’s hips just a tiny bit more firmly at this question, a small sign of
Hyunjin’s jealousy. Now that he knew that Hyunjin was infatuated with him, Felix could more
easily realize that the boy was indeed jealous sometimes and now was one of those times. Contrary
to his jealousy about Chan though, Hyunjin didn’t sound angry or venemeous right now, probably
because he knew nothing did or ever would happen with Minho. Chan, of course, was a different
story altogether, given their past and their very tight relationship even now.

“Just a bit of dancing.”

“Um.. Wish I could’ve seen that.” Hyunjin muttered, sliding his hands from Felix’s hips to hook
them behind his back, hugging him tighter against him, his face now buried in the crook of his
neck. “I wanna dance with you too..” he added, Felix hearing that little pout of his in his voice.
“Let’s go together next time.” he then stated, finally lifting up his head from Felix’s neck to look at
him.
Felix nodded with a tender smile, finding this side of Hyunjin’s personality very endearing. With
his lips still forming a pout, Hyunjin reached up to brush some strands from Felix’s face with the
tip of his fingers.

“I don’t wanna work today..” he complained with a little childish tone.

“What would you rather do then?” Felix chuckled, amused.

“Take you back to the bedroom.” he straight up answered, his fingers caressing Felix’s cheek.

Felix’s face felt suddenly very hot and he was pretty sure his cheeks had turned a bright shade of
red in a matter of seconds. According to the sly, amused smile that tugged at the corner of
Hyunjin’s full lips, he wasn’t mistaken.

“To cuddle.. Where did your mind go?” Hyunjin softly laughed, making Felix blush even harder if
it was at all possible. “Were you having naughtly thoughts baby..?” he asked, his voice instantly
sounding lower, more raspy, sexy.

He leaned closer, his face now very close to Felix’s, his eyes playful but with an unmistakable hint
of desire shining in them. Felix did have naughty thoughts about Hyunjin. Plenty of them. But he
was not planning on acting on them or sharing them just yet. At least that’s what he told himself,
wanting to learn more about him first, to go slow, make sure he wasn’t giving himself fully just to
get his heart broken. But each second in Hyunjin’s company, each word coming out of his
gorgeous lips, every brush on his fingers against Felix’s skin, made his resolve crumble just a little
more every time. Hyunjin was simply irresistible to him.

Hyunjin’s hand moved slightly to cup Felix’s face, his thumb slowly and softly finding its way to
Felix’s bottom lip, caressing it, his eyes following his fingers, his tongue sliding on his own lips.
Felix wanted nothing more, right this second, but for Hyunjin to lean in and kiss him again, to take
possession of his mouth with the same eagerness he had the night before.

“Hyunnie..” Felix said, just a whisper, no more than a breath, his own eyes sliding to Hyunjin’s
mouth.

“Umm?” Hyunjin purred.

“I..”

“Oi, Felix!”

The sudden voice of Chan yelling from the living room made Felix, who was so focused on
Hyunjin and his kissable lips that he almost forgot how to breathe, jump out of his skin.

“Could you bring me cookies, pretty pretty please?” Chan continued calling from the couch, using
this cute voice he always had when trying to get something from Felix.

Hyunjin sighed loudly, his head suddenly falling on Felix’s shoulder, probably annoyed from being
interrupted in the middle of something again. By none other than Chan… again. From what Felix
knew, Hyunjin’s english wasn’t good. At least he assumed it wasn’t, so Hyunjin probably didn’t
even know why Chan had actually called out. He chuckled, reaching up to pat Hyunjin’s head,
caressing his hair softly, Hyunjin’s arms still stubbornly wrapped tightly around him.

“Sure, just a sec!” Felix called back, his voice getting just the tiniest bit deeper as always when he
switched to English instead of Korean.
“Whatever it is he wants, he can wait..” Hyunjin muttered, unmoving, clearly unwilling to let Felix
go from his grasp.

“We can’t stay in the kitchen all day..” Felix softly chuckled, still stroking Hyunjin’s hair with his
tiny fingers. “You have work to do, I have to take a shower..” he continued, listing the reasons they
needed to move.

“He’s gonna monopolize you all day again..” Hyunjin retorted, childishly.

There it was, the jealousy Hyunjin always felt about Chan. Felix knew that Hyunjin understood the
friendship between him and Felix and would never ask Felix to forget about Chan altogether, but
that didn’t make him feel any less insecure about it. Probably because Felix had admitted to him
that he had a huge crush on Chan when they were younger, back in Australia. And because their
bond was so special, because they were so tight, both being tactile and very loving persons. But, if
Hyunjin was anything like Felix, more than being jealous of how close Felix and Chan were, he
was probably more scared that he couldn’t compete with someone like Chan, that he wasn’t
enough. At least that’s what Felix would think. What he was thinking all the time. And he didn’t
want Hyunjin to have this kind of thought process too, because it was completely wrong.

“Maybe, but it’s in your bed that I’m gonna spend the night..” Felix said, leaning to place his lips
next to Hyunjin’s ear, whispering the words, his voice low and deep, almost sounding sensual.

Felix was embarrassed to say something like that, and to say it that way too. But it had the effect he
wanted, since Hyunjin suddenly lifted his head to look at him, his grip on Felix weakening. Felix
firstly wanted to remind Hyunjin, with this, that no matter how much time he spent with Chan
during the day, the one he wanted in a romantic way or even more than that, was him. But he also
knew that saying something like that would surprise Hyunjin enough for him to forget about
preventing Felix from moving like he had been doing until then.

He was only talking about sleeping, despite the fact that he couldn’t deny he was thinking about
more than that more often than he should, but still the look in Hyunjin’s eyes was as surprised as it
was hungry. Looking in his eyes, Felix almost forgot the whole reason why he had surprised
Hyunjin this way. Quickly he blinked to get out of his daze and escaped Hyunjin’s arms with a
little giggle, trotting away to grab Chan’s long awaited cookies in one of the cupboards.

Hyunjin was looking at him with his lips slightly parted, a small smile at the corner of his lips and
what looked like awe, amusement and eaderment in his eyes. When Felix walked past him on his
way to leave the kitchen, he took a cookie from the box and shoved it between Hyunjin’s parted
lips with a little laugh, quickly poking his nose with the tip of his finger. Hyunjin too seemed
amused by that, munching on the cookie happily, his eyes fixed on Felix with an intensity he
seemed to always have no matter the time or place. Felix then fled the kitchen, afraid that if
Hyunjin tried to grab him again to pull him in one more hug, he really would stay in the kitchen
with him all day.

“Your cookies have arrived, Sire Christopher!” Felix dramatically announced when he arrived in
the living room.

“Thank god! Brain fuel!” Chan exclaimed, making grabby hands at Felix who extended the box of
sweets to him. “Love ya!”” he added with his childish, cute voice, offering Felix a bright smile.

“Of course you do..” Felix laughed, shaking his head softly.
Hyunjin left the kitchen at this moment, creeping behind Felix without him hearing it. Quickly, he
was hugging him from behind, surprising Felix who almost jumped. He wasn’t sure how to act in
front of Chan with Hyunjin. Hyunjin was just hugging him like he would’ve done with anyone,
putting his chin on his shoulder from behind, but after Chan’s warning, the way he had worried
about Felix getting hurt and the little jealous act he had pulled too, it was hard to imagine himself
being open about his new relationship with Hyunjin with him just yet.

“Do you know where Changbin is?” Hyunjin casually asked Chan.

“With Jeongin in the recording room, I think.” Chan shrugged, looking up, raising an eyebrow at
Hyunjin and Felix’s embrace but not commenting on it.

“Figures.” Hyunjin softly chuckled before sighing next to Felix’s ear. “Time to get back to work
then..” he said, his grip on Felix tightening imperceptibly.

Felix smiled, giving a small pat on Hyunjin’s forearm around him, letting his fingers linger on his
skin just a second longer than necessary, the pat transforming into a caress for just an instant.

“Good luck.” he cheerfully said to the boy behind him.

“Tonight, you’re just mine..” Hyunjin whispered, pressing his lips to Felix’s ear, low enough that
only he could hear.

And then he simply leaned away from Felix, offering a little wave to both Chan and him before
leaving the room altogether, probably heading to the basement where Changbin and I.N were
already working, according to Chan. Felix felt his face burning like crazy at Hyunjin’s words. He
wanted to play earlier, saying something sexy to catch him off guard and now he got burned,
fooled at his own game. Hyunjin definitely was better at this than him.

He didn’t want to stand there, lost in inappropriate thoughts about Hyunjin, his face bright shades
of pink and red, in front of Chan. So he quickly blinked away the images from his mind and went
to sit next to his friend on the couch, his head naturally finding its place on his shoulder, as it
always did.

“So..” Chan started, letting the rest of his sentence hang in the air.

“So..?” Felix asked, anxious that Chan would make a comment about what was going on between
Hyunjin and him, having no idea how to navigate the whole situation.

“You’re still alive.” he noted, and Felix understood he was referring to the way Minho had dragged
him out this morning, which made him feel better.

“Is it that surprising?” he chuckled.

“Knowing what you saw.. It kinda is, yeah..” Chan answered with a little snicker.

“What I.. How do you..?” Felix asked, confused.

He didn’t want to say anything and betray Minho’s trust. Chan was his best friend and he really
wanted to be able to talk to him about it, because he had the best advice in that kind of situation.
But he had promised Minho he wouldn’t say anything to anyone at the house and that included
Chan. A promise Felix intended to keep. But Chan seemed to be aware of something already.

“Jisung told me about it.” Chan shrugged casually.

“So you.. You know about..?” Felix vaguely gestured with his hands, not wanting to spill the beans
but still trying to understand how much Chan knew about the whole thing.

“About Minho and Jisung? Oh yeah, I know. We all do.” Chan smiled softly, but there was just a
hint of sadness in his tone, that only someone who knew Chan as well as Felix did could notice.

Since he seemed to have abandoned his work for a second to focus on his conversation with Felix,
the younger took this opportunity to grab one of Chan’s hands to play with it absently between his
small fingers, his head comfortably sitting on his best friend’s shoulder. He thought everyone
knew about it or, at least, was suspicious about a relationship between the two other members but
if it really was the case like Chan was saying it was, it made Felix even more confused as to why
Minho was so adamant about them not knowing.

“Then what’s the deal..?” Felix asked, confused. “I mean, he was very very clear that none of you
knew and that you shouldn’t know in any circumstances..” Felix admitted.

Since Chan already knew, he felt less bad speaking about it with him. Maybe his friend could help
him understand the situation and how to navigate it, just a little bit. Chan sighed, shaking his head
softly before tilting it to press his cheek to the top of Felix’s head, leaning against him naturally.

“It’s not my place to say..” Chan started, and Felix could understand that. “All I can tell you is that
people in Minho’s life weren’t always very supportive about his.. tastes.” he shrugged, it was clear
in his voice that this fact bothered him. “I think it makes him feel safer and more comfortable to
hide this from us and to make himself believe it’s a well kept secret just between the two of them.
So.. We all act like we don’t know so he can deal with it in his own way.” Chan continued to
explain.

Felix simply nodded listening to all that. Like Chan said, it was Minho’s story and it was his to tell,
but from the crumbs he learned from Chan just now, Felix felt really sad. He could understand
Minho’s behavior just a tiny bit better and respect it, even though he didn’t have the full picture
yet. He pressed himself against Chan just a little more to cheer himself up because the idea of
people in Minho’s life being so unsupportive that he had to rely on hiding himself from his closest
friends even to this day was really depressing and upsetting to him. Nobody deserved to live like
this.

“You’re the only one who ‘officially’ knows about it so.. Can I ask you to support him in my stead
for now? Chan asked, his voice low like he was asking Felix a big, really important favor. Because
to him, it was.

“Of course., Felix answered without missing a beat and meaning it to the bottom of his heart.

“Thank you.. You’re the best..” Chan sighed, clearly relieved.

They stayed in silence for a few minutes, just lost in thought, pressed against one another in that
way they were so accustomed to. Felix had now an even stronger resolve to get along with Minho.
Even if the other boy decided to never open up to him about his relationship with Jisung or his
past, Felix decided he would be there for him, dance with him, joke with him or even just make
him a good cup of coffee, being a silent and constant positive presence in his daily life from now
on. It seemed like something the other boy could use even if he wouldn’t admit it. And it was the
sort of things Felix excelled at.

“Anyway..” Chan cleared his throat, probably deciding it was enough emotional talk for the day. “
I’d better go check up on things in the recording studio before they set it on fire or something..” he
then sighed, the sound followed by a slight, endeared chuckle.
After a quick hug the two friends separated, Chan going down the stairs to the basement and Felix
heading up to take a shower, thinking that Minho was probably done with his by now. He didn’t
run into anyone upstairs and the whole floor seemed really calm and silent. Felix thought that
everyone was probably hard at work. Changbin, I.N and Hyunjin were all in the recording studio
where Chan had joined them. Felix hadn’t heard from Seungmin today and Minho and Jisung were
probably both in their room but no loud voices or laughter came from there either.

Felix simply took his time in the shower for once, since everyone seemed too busy to need the
bathroom right away. His body was slightly sore from his time in the dance studio with Minho and
the hot water running on his body was heavenly, especially because of how cold the weather was
today. When he was done with his shower, he almost ran back to his room to find warm clothing,
goosebumps covering his whole body.; Even the house was uncharacteristically cold.

He was tired because of the energy he had spent dancing and so he didn’t really feel like going out
to hit the pavement in search of a job today, even though he knew he really should. On top of that it
had started raining while Felix was in the shower and he was not about to get soaked once more,
walking for hours in the streets. So he decided he would spend a little bit of time catching up on
Stray Kids content, since the last time he tried, Hyunjin had appeared, distracting him.

He could’ve settled in his own bed that had been unused for the past few days. It was his first idea,
but before he knew it, he changed his mind, grabbing his laptop before falling on Hyunjin’s bed
instead. It weirdly felt more natural and more comfortable to be in the other boy’s bed now.
Quickly he wrapped himself in Hyunjin’s blanket, plopping his back against a few pillows and,
completely surrounded by Hyunjin’s delicious scent and feeling warm and comfy, he opened his
laptop.

It was time for him to see what Stray Kids was really all about. Their music, their vlogs, all the
content they offered to their fanbase. And, if he was feeling particularly brave and curious, maybe
he could check out the last song they uploaded, the one he was a part of. And read all those
comments about him, that Chan had teased him about. Surely he was exaggerating about it to
make Felix feel good about himself anyway, right?
 Watch Me, Baby
Chapter Notes

Heya gorgeous people! ♥

I know the chapters are a little shorter than usual lately and I'm sorry about that, I'm
pretty busy and also having quite a tough time most days lately so it's harder to write
more. But I swear longer chapters are coming back any time soon! And I hope you're
still happy to read my chapters each day even if they're on the shorter side!
Still can't thank you enough for all the love and support you're showing me and that
story! Thank you so so much! ILY ♥

Felix spent a long time perusing videos. He started with listening to some songs he could find. He
had heard bits and pieces of most of them during his dance session with Minho the same day since
he had taught him the choreographies to most of these songs. But still he was incredibly impressed
by their style, their talent and the diversity in their body of work. He even looked at the few music
videos they had self-produced.

The quality was extremely good knowing they had done all of it themselves and Felix was slightly
overwhelmed, thinking about the amount of work that was put into all that by the band as a whole.
The styling, the lighting, the music, the dancing, the effects, the editing.. Everything was on point.
It looked professional. And more than that, it looked incredibly cool. Despite everything, Felix
could see, feel, how much fun they all had making those videos. He was a little jealous of it, if he
was honest. But most of all he was impressed and proud that all of them managed to fulfil their
dreams this way.

After a while he switched to watching random vlogs and behind the scenes, falling down the rabbit
hole. He didn’t know how much time he spent watching Jisung and Minho bickering, Changbin
annoying I.N who acted like he hated it all the while wearing a smile on his face, Seungmin
teasing every single one of them, Chan doing cute faces and giggles, Hyunjin being the definition
of a drama queen or Minho rolling his eyes at everything and everyone. He realized though, that he
may have dug too far when he ended up watching a fan made video of random funny and chaotic
moments from the boys’ videos and lives.

It was crazy enough that Stray Kids had big enough of a following to have people making fan-
made videos about them, but on top of that, there seemed to be a lot of these types of videos. More
than a lot. Felix ran across titles like ‘Stray Kids being a mess for 7:36 minutes straight’, ‘Random
cute/soft SKZ moments to make you smile’ or ‘Stray Kids are chaotic AF and that’s why we love
them’. From what Felix gathered from the titles and thumbnails, those were all compilations of
clips of the boys doing silly or cute things in their videos. But there was more fan-content than just
those types of videos.

On his recommend section, Felix could now see videos such as ‘Bang Chan: “call me daddy”
edit’, ‘Jisung could step on me | Sexy moments’ or ‘Hyunjin chose violence, 18+’, pop up here and
there. Felix could guess all too well what kind of videos those were. With a bunch of guys as good
looking and well built as them, it was inevitable that some people would start to fantasize after all,
even though Felix found it a tiny bit weird since those were people he knew in real life. Coupled
with those kinds of videos, there were also thumbnails with things like ‘2min being a divorced
couple’, ‘Minsung moments that make me feel lonely’ or ‘Hyunbin being obvious for 5 minutes’
announced on them.

It took a second for Felix to realize what those were. Ship names. Those were videos of people
shipping different members of the band together. And Felix definitely wasn’t ready to watch those,
it would make things really awkward for him after. But he couldn’t help but notice the number of
videos like those including Hyunjin, a tiny bit of unhealthy curiosity mixed with jealousy forming
in his stomach. He also took notice of the amount of people actually shipping Minho and Jisung
together. So even to the public it was obvious. Clearly Minho’s denial about the whole situation
was even stronger than Felix thought.

But that was not the content Felix was after. He was overwhelmed by the number of videos fans
had made about the band, proving how much of a following they already had despite them being a
small indie group. He was curious too, but he felt like some things were better left unseen. Only
after browsing through all that did find the courage to actually listen to the song he was a part of.
He wasn’t sure he was actually ready to hear his own voice on the track and realize the harsh truth,
that it was a mess compared to the others. But he was intrigued and Chan’s nagging about people
commenting about him really made him want to see if he was joking or not. So, going back on the
official Stray Kids channel, he clicked on the last upload, titled ‘Victory Song (Audio Only)’.

He didn’t have to wait long to hear his own voice reverberate through his headphones since the
very first verse was his. He was enjoying the beat when suddenly his deep voice filled his ears and
it sounded.. good? Felix was surprised. More than surprised, he was shocked. He had a hard time
realizing it was actually his voice. He was pretty sure Chan had done something to it post
production because Felix didn’t remember a time he could sound that good. It was still subpar,
according to him, compared to the others and hearing his performance made him want to crawl into
a hole, embarrassed to have done something like that. But, nonetheless it felt like his voice
somewhat belonged in this song. And, to Felix, it was surreal.

He had to listen to the song a second time just to be sure he hadn’t hallucinated. And once more he
heard the same thing. His voice sounded good. Not good enough, but still better than he could have
ever hoped. To him it was just proof that Chan must’ve definitely played with effects in post-
production, but he wasn’t even mad about it if it was the case. The problem with hearing himself
that way though, was that he liked the sensation that gave him, the impression that maybe he could
fit with people like them. He wasn’t anywhere near their level but maybe he wouldn’t be such a
burden if he could sing like that. But thoughts like those were stupid. This song, his participation, it
was a one time thing, Chan and Felix agreed. And who was he to imagine he could ever join the
band anyway, he was just Chan’s old friend that imposed himself in their house and in their lives
without notice. Nothing more, nothing less.

Reminding himself of that fact, Felix stopped the song that was still playing, probably for the third
time, in his headphones. Still curious about Chan’s comment despite his return to reality, Felix
scrolled down in the comment section to see if his friend had greatly exaggerated when he said
people were going crazy about Felix’s voice. But he wasn’t. In the middle of comments about the
song in itself and how good all the members sounded, as well as some ‘10 likes = 1 puppy
rescued’, there were comments upon comments only about Felix and his voice.

> Channiebabygirl: WTF!? Who’s the guy with the deep AF voice??

> SKZwrldom: Wow.. But wait, doesn’t he sound like Brownie Boy tho?

> jinnie4ever: I dunno who’s this guy but his voice is INSANE!
> Linoswife: Is Brownie - deep ass voice - Boy gonna be part of SKZ now..? They teased his voice
in Hannie’s vlog on purpose? If that’s the case, I’m IN!

> PuppyMin: I’d let Brownie Boy sing me to sleep every DAMN day!

> Binnie404: I hope we’re not going crazy about Brownie Boy for nothing! What if it’s just one of
the members doing a voice? I hope not! I want more Brownie Boy :( :(

More and more of those comments appeared as Felix scrolled and scrolled. He could hardly
believe it. Just like Chan had said, they were all referring to him as “Brownie Boy” recognizing his
voice from a brief clip in Jisung’s last vlog. And, just as Chan had said, they were all very excited
about hearing his voice, for some reason. Felix was completely entranced by the comments,
reading them one after another, trying to comprehend what he was seeing. He couldn’t realistically
believe so many people would get interested in him by only hearing his voice a few seconds. He
couldn’t believe those same people could find him talented. Not when he had been told for years
and years that he wasn’t and that clinging onto those dreams of music and dance was just immature
and futile. And still, the comments in front of him were real and this was messing with his mind.

He wanted to believe it. He wanted to hope again. But hope for what? Hope that he could one day
join the band? Hope that he would be a Stray Kid like the others? Hope that he could finally
realize his dreams alongside Chan like he always wanted, despite the voices of his mother and his
father dancing in his head each day? Maybe he wanted to hope for all those things. But he was
lucid enough to know that with big hopes came big deceptions. And he definitely didn’t want to go
through that again.

Right now he was very confused and a little bit on edge. Sure the comments and hearing his voice
sounding so good on the recording had made him extremely happy. But had also made him hopeful
and reminding himself that this hope could lead nowhere was what changed his mood. So it was
time to watch something else, to take his mind off the whole matter. Going to his recommended
section, Felix scrolled absently for a second and clicked on the first fan-made video he could find
about Hyunjin.

The first video had been a silly one, showing all the jokes and funny faces Hyunjin had made in
various other videos. There were even clips of livestreams, and Felix was intrigued to see those
lives for himself at some point. Before he knew it he was watching a second video, a cute one,
filled with clips of Hyunjin cuddling with other members, doing his little pouty face, sleeping like
an angel and other sweet, soft things. Seeing Hyunjin’s face, hearing his laughter made him relax a
little bit for some reason. He should probably worry about how insanely infatuated he already was
with the boy, so fast. And he would, later. For now all that mattered was that watching Hyunjin’s
antics on video was giving him the comfort he needed.

The next video to play automatically on his computer was a compilation of dancing moments,
mostly taken from dance practice and dance cover videos Hyunjin had made in the past. What
Felix didn’t realize right away was that it was a compilation of all the hottest moments of
Hyunjin’s dancing. He innocently let the video start, wanting to see more of Hyunjin’s dancing but
he was quickly faced with the reality of what he was watching. Hyunjin rolling and thrusting his
hips, lifting his shirt while dripping in sweat, letting his hands run on his own body, biting his lips
with the intensity in his eyes that Felix started to know all too well. Felix couldn’t take his eyes off
of the screen, his jaw dropping, his lips parted, his heart beat speeding just a little bit.

He had been so entranced by the previous videos of Hyunjin and especially by this one, that he
hadn’t heard the door opening and closing through his headphones. Nor did he notice Hyunjin who
had been standing there, leaning against the door frame, for a few minutes already, a soft smile on
his face as he was watching Felix The sight Hyunjin had of Felix must have been pretty funny.
Felix was completely wrapped in Hyunjin’s blanket, only his head and his tiny hands peeking out
of it, his big headphones firmly placed on his pink strands and his ears, the light of the computer
shining on his face as he was leaning slightly closer to the screen, his mouth partly open.

Just like he hadn’t realized it when Hyunjin entered the room, he didn’t hear him walk towards his
bed either, his eyes glued to the figure of Hyunjin on the screen, moving his hips in ways that
caused Felix to bite his lower lip, feeling hot everywhere.

“What are you watching?” Hyunjin asked, lifting one side of Felix’s headphones to free his ear so
the other boy would finally hear him.

Felix jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of Hyunjin’s voice. He stumbled quickly to
brutally close his computer, tripping his hand in his headphones’ cable in his rush, the headphones
flying off of his head and landing on the mattress with the now closed computer.

“Nothing!” Felix exclaimed while all this was going on, flustered.

“Really?” Hyunjin said teasingly, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you blushing then?” he continued,
a sly smile growing on his lips, leaning towards Felix.

“I..I’m not, it’s just hot under the blanket, that’s all..” Felix stuttered.

“That’s a shame..” Hyunjin teased some more. “You looked so adorable and cozy, under my
blanket, in my bed.. I really wanted to join you, but if you’re too hot..” he said with a fake
disappointed pout on his lips.

Felix finally looked up at Hyunjin. He was breathtaking in the dim lighting, his hair coming out of
his messy, tiny ponytail, his face slightly tilted to the side, a glint of amusement and a little
something else shining softly in his eyes. Really, there was no way Felix could get bored of seeing
this face every day, every hour, every minute. Just like there was no way he could ever say no to
him.

“No, I mean.. That’s okay if you want to.. join me..” he sheepishly said, looking away shyly. “It’s
your bed anyway so I can’t..” he tried to continue.

“Just scoot over.” Hyunjin softly laughed, gesturing for Felix to make some space for him in the
bed.

Felix obliged, moving on the bed. Hyunjin gracefully and smoothly slid under the cover, settling
behind Felix, spreading his long legs so his knees could rest on each side of Felix’s body. Leaning,
he grabbed Felix to pull him closer, pressing Felix’s back against his chest and wrapping his arms
around him, the cover now engulfing them both. Felix absolutely loved the way his body instantly
soaked Hyunjin’s warmth right up. So much so that he instantly relaxed, leaning back into his
embrace comfortably.

“Much better..” Hyunjin softly whispered with a content sigh, next to Felix’s ear. “I was surprised
to find you in my bed.” he then chuckled after a second.

“Sorry I.. I didn’t really think about it..” Felix said, feeling embarrassed to have chosen Hyunjin’s
bed instead of his own without asking for permission beforehand.

“Don’t apologize baby..” he retorted. “Do you have any idea the effect it has on me to see you
between my sheets like that?” he then said, leaning his mouth closer to Felix’s ear from behind,
almost whispering the words in a low tone.

“I.. I..” Felix stuttered, his cheeks burning, slightly squirming between Hyunjin’s arms.

The video he was watching had already done a number on him, so this, paired with Hyunjin’s body
pressed against his, his low, sensual voice so close to his ear and his teasing, sexy words.. It was a
lot to handle for Felix, his body reacting and responding to it in ways that would be hard to hide if
things continued to progress this way. Fortunately, Hyunjin softly laughed in his ear, hugging Felix
just a little bit tighter.

“.. just so cute..” he chuckled, pressing a kiss on Felix’s temple. “So, what were you really
watching anyway?” he then asked, clearly having not dropped that subject.

“Just Stray Kids videos..” Felix said. it wasn’t a total lie, just not completely the truth either.

“Oh really, which ones?” Hyunjin questioned with a smile.

“Oh.. You know.. Just.. Videos..” Felix vaguely answered, stubbornly looking at his hands while
playing with his own fingers.

“Just videos..? Well.. Let’s see!” Hyunjin exclaimed.

He leaned to grab Felix’s laptop resting further away on the mattress, placing it on Felix’s lap in
front of them both and opening it before Felix could even react. In his haste Felix had closed the
computer while the video was still playing and so, to his dismay, it continued playing as soon as
Hyunjin opened the device back up, in full screen so there was no way Hyunjin couldn’t clearly see
what was happening in said video. It wasn’t inherently sexual, but each clip was cut in such a way
that only the sexiest moments of Hyunjin dancing were shown and, to Felix’s opinion, it was still
quite hot. Felix couldn’t take the embarrassment anymore, promptly hiding his burning face
between his tiny hands.

Hyunjin stayed silent for a second, probably processing what type of video he was watching. Felix
was slowly dying of embarrassment, wanting to disappear after being caught watching a video
titled ‘Hyunjin’s sexiest dance moments. REALLY HOT!’ by Hyunjin himself.

“Baby..” Hyunjin’s voice finally echoed in the small room. His tone was low, almost a murmur
against Felix’s ear. It sounded way too erotic to be legal. “Were you.. watching me?” he continued
in that same voice.

With a little mortified whimper, still stubbornly hiding behind his hands, Felix offered Hyunjin a
tiny, quick nod. He couldn’t really deny it when the proof of it was blasting on a screen right this
moment. Felix could swear he heard Hyunjin breath hitch ever so slightly behind him. Suddenly
one of Hyunjin’s big hands grabbed Felix's small ones, gently prying them away from his flushed
face. His other fingers came to softly grab his chin, from behind, turning slightly Felix’s head so
his gaze would lay on the screen, on Hyunjin’s body moving sensually, once again.

“Do you like that?” he asked, his voice sounding more and more sensual, more dangerous
somewhat in Felix’s ear. Felix nodded with a gulp, unable to take his eyes off of the screen even
though he knew he should. “Then watch me, baby..” Hyunjin whispered, pressing his lips against
Felix’s pulse in his neck, his hand still holding Felix’s chin to incite him to keep his eyes on the
screen.
 Say It Again..

Felix’s heart was hammering in his chest, his eyes fixed on the dancing Hyunjin on screen but his
mind entirely focused on Hyunjin’s lips against his neck, his arms tightly wrapped around him
from behind. The combination of the two was deadly and Felix had to squeeze his thighs together,
his breath hitching, desire already creeping in the pit of his stomach. It didn’t take long for Hyunjin
to find the edge of Felix’s shirt with his fingers, sliding them under it. He had touched Felix that
way before and still he wasn’t used to it, still the simple feeling of his slender fingers against the
bare skin of his abdomen made him forget how to breathe. All the while Hyunjin’s lips were
moving up and down Felix’s neck, leaving kisses on every little inch of skin they could find.

“I want to mark that neck of yours so bad.. See your skin turn pink.. Show everyone you’re mine..”
Hyunjin said sensually against Felix’s skin, his hand tracing invisible lines on Felix’s abdomen
under his shirt, a hint of possessiveness in his voice.

Like to prove his point, Felix felt Hyunjin’s teeth graze his skin, slightly nibbling on one part of his
neck. Not hard enough to hurt or to even really leave the kind of mark Hyunjin was talking about,
but definitely enough for Felix to feel it. And it felt too good for him to be able to refrain from very
softly moaning, instantly biting his lip to muffle the sound, his cheeks turning even redder. He
heard Hyunjin’s breathing speed up ever so slightly behind him at the sound, his fingers pressing
themselves a little more eagerly against Felix’s skin.

“Were you having naughty thoughts, watching videos of me?” he asked, his voice raspy by barely
disguised desire, his hand already dangerously close to the rim of Felix’s pants, dancing on his
skin. “Um, baby.. Were you?” he repeated when Felix didn’t answer quickly enough.

With his bottom lip stuck between his teeth, his eyes half closed but still watching the video in
front of him like Hyunjin had ordered, Felix gave a little nod as a response. There was no point
lying about this and in that situation his mind wasn’t functioning well enough for him to even think
of hiding that fact anyway. Hyunjin grazed Felix’s neck with his teeth again, exactly the same way
he had done before, with the same result. Despite biting his bottom lip, a little sound resembling a
moan still escaped Felix’s mouth. Hyunjin was now playing with the edge of Felix’s pants with the
tip of his fingers, tugging on it ever so slightly.

“Hyunie..” Felix called, his voice still sounding like a soft moan. He wasn’t sure what he was
trying to do, calling him. Was he going to ask him to slow down, or beg him to touch him?

Hyunjin’s breath hitched again, his fingers gripping the rim of Felix’s pants just a little tighter, his
lips stopping their movement, pressed against Felix’s pulse.

“Say it again..” he said, his voice commanding, low and raw.

It took a second for Felix to comprehend what Hyunjin meant by that. But then he realized.
Hyunjin liked hearing Felix say his name. Was it a turn on for him? Felix didn’t know. He was
under the impression that Hyunjin was always the one turning him on but he wasn’t sure if the
other boy felt the same kind of desire when he was teasing him like he was doing right now or not.
Maybe Hyunjin was just playing. Nonetheless Felix wanted to please him, obey his command.

“Hyunjin..” he repeated with that same breathless, low tone as before.

Hyunjin let his head fall in the crook of Felix’s neck, burying his face there, his breathing seeming
heavier than usual. His fingers were still on the edge of Felix’s pants and he was breathing deep
against his skin.

“Don’t worry baby, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to..” he whispered, his words slightly
muffled by his position. “Just.. give me a second..” he added, his fingers letting go of the rim of
Felix’s pants to slowly go rest on his abdomen again.

Hyunjin must have thought that Felix was calling his name to tell him to stop before going too far.
Maybe he had, but Felix wasn’t so sure about it anymore. He wanted to take things to a slow pace
but he also wanted Hyunjin really badly at this point. It made Felix feel incredibly good too, to
realize that Hyunjin too was hot and bothered, needing to take a second to collect himself not to
jump on Felix. For some reason it turned Felix on even more. The fact that Hyunjin was excited by
touching him was already extremely pleasing to Felix because the boy was gorgeous, way out of
his league and Felix didn’t consider himself to be sexy or attractive by any stretch of the
imagination. But the fact that, despite his desire Hyunjin was willing to pace himself and slow
down was probably the sexiest thing of all.

Felix leaned away from Hyunjin for a second to move, turning around in Hyunjin’s arms, changing
his position completely on the mattress. After a second, he was facing Hyunjin instead of having
his back to him. He was on his knees, on the mattress, between Hyunjin’s legs, the other boy
quizzically looking up at him. After admiring Hyunjin for just a second, Felix leaned towards him,
bringing his hands on his shoulders and closing his eyes. Soon his lips were pressed against
Hyunjin’s. It was the first time their lips met since their first and only kiss.

And just like that first time, Hyunjin stayed unmoving for a second, processing. He was quick to
reciprocate though, his hands finding Felix’s cheeks, holding his face as he pressed his lips against
his more firmly, eagerly, while Felix’s own hands slid down from Hyunjin’s shoulders to rest on
his chest, grabbing the fabric of his shirt between his fingers. Hyunjin didn’t waste time, one of his
hands sliding in Felix’s hair, pulling his pink strands to incite the other boy to throw his head back
and open his mouth for him, which Felix happily did, feeling Hyunjin’s tongue brush against his.
He tugged on Felix’s hair more firmly a second time, taking complete possession of his mouth,
playing with his tongue, biting his lower lip. A moan escaped Felix’s lips, losing itself in Hyunjin’s
mouth.

Hyunjin was a little rough and still so gentle with him, and his kisses felt so good Felix felt like he
was losing his mind. He couldn’t take much more, he needed to touch him or he would go crazy.
So slowly he slid his hands down and down, until he found the rim of Hyunjin’s shirt, sliding his
tiny fingers under it just like Hyunjin’s had done to him multiple times. It was the first time Felix
was the one touching Hyunjin this way, the first time his fingers ventured so far on Hyunjin’s
body. And as soon as his fingers brushed his skin, as soon as his short nails grazed his perfectly
toned abs, Hyunjin groaned against Felix’s lips, suddenly kissing him more feverishly than ever.

Hyunjin’s reaction really made Felix feel more bold, his hands sliding down still, caressing
Hyunjin’s smooth, soft, bare skin, tracing a slow path down towards his belt buckle. With his
small fingers he started to work at unbuckling it and he was doing quick work of it when Hyunjin
suddenly stopped kissing him, both hands on Felix’s cheeks. An involuntary displeased whine
escaped Felix’s lips at the loss of this contact before he could refrain himself.

“Baby.. Baby, stop.” he quickly whispered, leaning slightly away from Felix’s face to look at him,
almost panting from their kiss.

“You.. Don’t want to?” Felix asked, quickly taking his hands away and suddenly feeling
embarrassed and extremely foolish, not only for his behavior but for believing that Hyunjin wanted
the same thing he did at that moment.
“Fuck..” Hyunjin swore under his breath before leaning to press his forehead against Felix’s.
“Felix.. Baby.. You have no idea how bad I want this, want you..” he clarified seriously, unfiltered
desire shining in his eyes. “But I don’t want you to regret it if we’re going too fast..” he sighed,
clearly it was a big effort on his part to show that kind of restraint in that kind of situation.

The feelings that blossomed in Felix’s chest hearing those words, hearing Hyunjin being so
considerate and sweet despite the fact that he could’ve really easily let things go further without
saying anything, were so intense it almost frightened Felix. He never felt such powerful feelings
for anyone other than Chan before. And he wasn’t ready to put a word on it or even think about it,
but the fact of the matter was, those feelings were now there, tucked in a little part of his heart, and
there was nothing Felix could do about it.

“But you..” Felix started.

“I know.. I know I started it. I’m sorry baby..” Hyunjin sighed again, offering Felix a little pout,
raising one of his hands to gently comb Felix’s hair back. “You were just so.. beautiful, laying in
my bed. And.. Seeing you watch videos of me it.. God, it turned me on so bad.. I couldn’t resist.
I’m sorry..”

“No, I’m sorry too..” Felix sheepishly announced, looking away.

He still felt pretty insecure now, for some reason. He hadn’t been rejected properly speaking and
Hyunjin had even said he wanted him, but Felix had been so entranced by the whole situation, his
hands eagerly trying to touch Hyunjin, his body hot, despite his previous statement that he wanted
to take things slow that it was a little disconcerting for him to be stopped in his momentum like
that. Especially since he wasn’t used to being the one making the first move or being forward like
that in those situations. Hyunjin must have read the discomfort on his face though, because soon
his fingers grabbed Felix’s chin, forcing the smaller boy to look at him once again.

“Baby, listen to me..” he said, searching Felix’s eyes. “I want nothing more than to make you mine,
alright? And trust me, when I finally do, I’ll make sure you can never be with someone else
without thinking of me.” he announced, his eyes locked onto Felix’s, not even flinching or blinking
at his own erotic words when Felix was blushing profusely. “But taking it slow is a good thing..
Not only for you, but for me too..” he added with a softer tone, stroking Felix’s cheek with his
thumb.

And Felix knew he was right. Hyunjin too probably had issues with relationships, trust and being
hurt with a past like his. Felix hadn’t thought of that before but he was thankful that Hyunjin had.
He softly nodded with a little shy pout on his lips, and with the last traces of his boldness he leaned
to press a soft, very quick kiss on Hyunjin’s full lips to show him he understood the message loud
and clear. The smile that Hyunjin offered Felix once he pulled back, was so soft, so gentle and
tender that Felix had no choice but to smile back, with the small, shy smile of his. All the while,
Hyunjin was caressing Felix’s pink strands, looking at him like he was one of the Seven Wonders
of the World.

“You do know that you’re never using your bed again though, right?” he teased after a few seconds
of silently gazing into each other’s eyes. “Now that I have you here, I’m keeping you here.” he
added with a little chuckle.

He pulled Felix closer, probably wanting to cuddle. Since both of them were already in a pretty
awkward position to begin with, they had to move around a bit to get comfortable, Hyunjin
bringing his legs together, laying them on the mattress and Felix moving on top of him to get closer
for a hug. One way another, Felix ended up straddling the other boy, one knee on each side of his
hips, his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and his face buried there too while Hyunjin’s arms were
hooked behind Felix’s back, pulling him closer and pressing his body against his chest with a
content sigh.

“I’m okay with that..” Felix murmured in Hyunjin’s neck, talking about staying in Hyunjin’s bed
from now on.

Honestly, after spending two nights in his arms, he could hardly imagine getting a good night's
sleep between his own sheets, by himself. Being so snuggly embraced by Hyunjin, basking into his
warmth, the tiredness of the day finally started to weigh on Felix’s body. He still had danced a few
hours today and he hadn’t realized yet that his body was sore and tired. But now that he was
comfortable, warm and most of all safe, he could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

“Hyunie..?” Felix called out sleepily. Hyunjin answered with a soft “umm”, stroking Felix’s back
with the tip of his fingers slowly. “No, nevermind..” Felix sighed, changing his mind about what
he wanted to ask, it was stupid anyway.

“What is it baby?” Hyunjin asked nonetheless, his hand going up to stroke Felix’s hair instead of
his back.

“Did you.. listen to the new song?” Felix ended up asking hesitantly.

“Victory Song you mean? Of course.” Hyunjin nodded.

“What did you.. think?” Felix’s voice was small and uncertain, but still extremely sleepy too. He
wasn’t sure why he was asking, to get praises and be reassured, or to have proof that he was no
good like he believed.

“.. I think you did really good baby. More than good.” the other boy answered after staying silent
for a second, probably wondering if Felix was talking about the song as a whole or about his own
performance. “You really belong with us, you know..?” he breathed next to Felix’s ear, stroking his
hair gently.

Felix must have fallen asleep after Hyunjin’s answer, because he couldn’t remember ever reacting
to it. It wasn’t surprising, he had been half asleep since the very moment Hyunjin had started to
cuddle with him. So one moment he was straddling Hyunjin, arms around him, his face buried in
his neck, and the next, as he opened his eyes, he was laying on top the boy who was deeply asleep
below him, one arm behind his head and the other firmly wrapped around Felix’s hips, and
multiple hours had passed between the two. From what Felix could see on the alarm clock on the
bedside table, it was the early morning already.

He did remember Hyunjin’s last words to him the night before. Those words had warmed his heart,
all his hope bubbling back to the surface, but it also confused him, as always, because he wasn’t
part of the band and no matter what he wanted, their collaboration was a one time thing and
nothing more. Maybe he should talk to Chan about it, but then again, it was a little selfish on his
part to want to be a part of their team when they were already a well oiled machine. The other
members probably didn’t want to disturb what they already had either anyway.

What Felix knew though, was that with so many things in his head, he couldn’t just lay there and
do nothing otherwise he would just torture himself mentally. He didn’t want Hyunjin to wake up
alone once more though. So his initial plan was to discreetly go downstairs to do some quick
baking for everyone before anyone else woke up and then sneak back into the room and into
Hyunjin’s arms to cuddle him until it was time for him to get up. Once Felix decided it was a solid
plan, after thinking it over for a few minutes while listening to Hyunjin calm breathing, he finally
rolled over, careful not to disturb Hyunjin under him and hopped out of bed, creeping out of the
dark room on his tippy toes.

The living room as well as the kitchen were dark, silent and empty when Felix arrived downstairs,
just as he thought they would be. So he started to work right away, choosing unconsciously to
prepare brownies again, picking up the right ingredients for it from the cupboards. He decided to
make a few batches of them and so he worked meticulously for more than an hour, the task slowly
taking his mind off of everything else, a little smile finally finding its way onto his lips. Without
realizing it, at some point Felix started to softly sing random songs that passed through his mind
while mixing ingredients and pouring the mixture into its mold.

He was humming and singing silently, putting the molds into the oven and setting the timer,
already thinking about making his way back to hop under the covers between Hyunjin’s arms. He
was not prepared, when he turned around after cleaning the mess he made on the table, to end up
face to face with Minho. Felix jumped, almost dropping the container full of flour he had in his
hands.

“Hey.. Did I wake you up?” Felix asked after taking a deep breath to calm himself from his sudden
fright. “Sorry, I didn’t think I was noisy..” he chuckled, scratching the back of his head with a
guilty pout.

But Minho didn’t answer right away, looking Felix up and down with his head slightly tilted to the
side, his arms crossed on his chest, a light pensive frown seeming to be permanently stuck to his
features.

“Meet me in the recording studio in 10. “ was all he said when he finally opened his mouth.

“Wh..” Felix tried.

But already Minho had turned his back and walked away, out of the kitchen and out of the living
room and Felix was left alone, confused and dumbfounded in the middle of the kitchen with his
flour container in his hands. He didn’t know what that was all about, but he suddenly had a big
case of déjà-vu from the morning before. He just hoped that, no matter why Minho was
summoning him, he was in a better mood than the last time.
 A Reminder
Chapter Notes

I'm sorry, this chapter isn't really good in my opinion, but it's all leading somewhere I
swear so I hope you stick with me just a little while longer! ~♥

I'm also more and more active on my SKZ fan account on Twitter recently and since I
had sooo much fun talking to some of y'all on there, I just wanted to point out that you
can find me at @mystayra if you ever wanna chat or simply follow my antics and my
4569 retweets on there! Don't be shy, come say 'hi' and everything, it'll be fun! ♥

Felix was careful to take his brownies out of the oven before actually making his way to the
recording studio like Minho had asked him. The last thing he needed was to burn the several
batches he had spent the last hour baking. So after carefully taking the molds out and setting them
on the table, putting a cloth on them to let them cool down, he walked back into the entrance and
straight to the staircase leading down.

It was weird, taking those stairs alone for the first time. He had come down there only once and
Hyunjin was the one who had led him down those stairs. Weirdly, it felt like he was doing
something forbidden, going somewhere he wasn’t supposed to while everyone else was asleep.
That made him just a little bit anxious. He knew Minho was probably already waiting for him at
the bottom of the stairs though, and he definitely didn’t want to make the other boy wait if he could
help it, so he climbed down the stairs two by two, pushing his silly worries aside.

The room was exactly the same as the last time Felix had been down there, at the exception that it
was way calmer without all the boys being their chaotic selves at each corner of the room. Minho
was sitting in one of the two armchairs, his feet dangling from the side of it, his eyes perusing a
sheet of paper he was holding in his hands. He looked up when he heard the sound of Felix’s
footsteps approaching.

He offered Felix a little smile, which was encouraging. Felix wasn’t really anxious to be in
Minho’s presence, they’re relationship had greatly improved after their little talk and their dance
session the day before. But he had to admit that being called down here so suddenly in the early
hours of the morning, without a single clue as to what Minho wanted with him was still just a tiny
bit nerve wracking. He let himself fall on the couch smiling back at Minho softly.

“So..?” Felix asked after a second “You needed me for something?” he raised an eyebrow, curious.

“Yeah.” Minho nodded. “I..” he stopped for a second and sighed before leaning to extend the sheet
of paper in his hands to Felix. “I’ve been working on something for a while now and I thought
maybe.. Maybe you could help me finish it..” he finally explained, sounding especially sheepish
compared to his usual confident, unbothered demeanor.

“Wh.. I don’t think I’m..” Felix started, ready to tell Minho that out of all the people he had around,
he was probably the worst choice to help him if it was about music.

After all he had a whole band of amazing performers and songwriters that could give him a hand
instead of a simple passerby like himself. Still he grabbed the sheet of paper, leaning against the
back of the couch to read the words. Those were lyrics, that much Felix had figured out. The song
was unfinished but reading it, Felix quickly understood why he was the one Minho had chosen to
help him. If he focused on the meaning of the song, what the words actually said, he was pretty
sure Minho had started writing it thinking about Jisung. And obviously, if that was the case, he
wouldn’t feel comfortable showing these lyrics to any other members who were still, in Minho’s
mind, unaware of their whole relationship.

“Oh, it’s..” Felix said, stopping himself quickly. He didn’t want to point out the obvious because
he knew Minho wasn’t at all comfortable discussing the situation during their last talk. So instead
he said something else. “..actually pretty good.” he complimented, talking about the lyrics.

“It’s unfinished..” Minho countered with a sigh, shaking his head. “That’s why I need you.” he
added, his elbow propped on the arm of the chair, his temple resting against his hand.

“I.. I mean, I’m honored but..” he tried to say, wanting to explain he was in no way qualified to
help him in any way.

He wasn’t even part of the band after all so it would be a little presumptuous of him to interfere
with their music, even if it was a solo piece. He was actually surprised that Minho would even
think about asking him for help on this project when he wasn’t a member of Stray Kids and not
even really as good an artist as any of the others.

“I was thinking maybe you, of all people, would be able to.. resonate with it.” Minho cut him off,
gesturing vaguely towards the piece of paper.

For a second Felix wondered what he meant by that, but as his eyes flew over the words once more,
he suddenly understood. And Minho was right, he could relate more than anyone. Because those
lyrics were about being entranced by someone else, wanting to connect with a person and get close
to them, about the tension and awkwardness of being around them and wanting to be with them. At
least that’s what those lyrics embodied for Felix and instantly the image of Hyunjin popped in his
mind and he found himself nodding to Minho without realizing it. It was just a bit of fun, and
nobody had to know he helped Minho out with the song in the end, it couldn’t hurt.

“Alright..” he softly said. And that was all it took for their partnership to start.

Meanwhile, as Minho and Felix started to talk, getting to work, the rest of the house slowly woke
up, one by one. The first was Seungmin, closely followed by Chan. The two of them went to sit at
the table after getting cups of coffee, casually talking about things that needed to be done for the
day, specifically about the Youtube channel. Sitting down, Chan noticed the molds with a cloth on
them. Lifting the cloth he realized those were brownies and looked around with a little frown, like
he was expecting to see Felix jump out of the shadows at any time. But the other boy wasn’t
around, even though he had clearly been in the kitchen a while before them since he had made
brownies. With a shrug he grabbed a knife and started to cut himself a little piece of brownie,
knowing that if Felix was around he would’ve scolded him for not waiting for it to be completely
cooled down.

Jisung was the next one to appear in the kitchen, letting himself fall on a chair loudly and stealing
the piece of brownie straight out of Chan’s hand to throw it in his mouth, offering a childish smile
to his friend who rolled his eyes with a little chuckle, giving Jisung a pat on the shoulder as a ‘good
morning’ before cutting another piece, Seungmin softly chuckling with his head in his coffee cup.

“Did you see Minho anywhere by any chance?” Jisung asked the two other boys before yawning
loudly.

“If he’s not in your room, maybe he already left for the dance studio?” Seungmin offered, Chan
simply shrugging with a nod supporting this theory.

“Yeah but his shoes are still in the entrance though..” he said before shrugging with a little sigh.
“Whatever, give me some more of that!” he exclaimed to Chan, grabbing the new piece of brownie
he was about to put in his mouth, eating it in his place for the second time.

A few minutes later, Changbin and I.N entered the kitchen together, already in the middle of a
conversation. Clearly both of them had woken up a little bit earlier and had started to talk in their
room before deciding to go down for breakfast. Jeongin was asking Changbin to accompany him at
the gym to coach him, complaining that he wanted to look like a man and not a little kid anymore,
for the fans. Everybody, including Changbin himself, spent a little bit of time teasing him but, in
the end, both Changbin and Jisung offered to invite him on their next trip to the gym.

As always, Hyunjin was the last to join the party. Once more he had woken up without Felix in his
arms and he was a little salty about it, pouting already when he arrived in the kitchen. He groaned a
‘good morning’ when the others cheered for him and made himself a cup of coffee, sipping on it
while leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Felix is still sleeping?” Chan asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew how unusual it was for Felix to
sleep late, but maybe he realized he was still tired after making the brownies and went back to bed
for a little nap.

“No..” Hyunjin answered, shaking his head, pouting harder because he would’ve preferred if Felix
had, indeed, been in bed. “I thought he was down here.” he then added, looking around, like he was
finally realizing that Felix was nowhere in the room. “Where is he?” he asked with a little frown.

Chan shrugged, the same frown on his face, shaking his head. He had cut all the brownies in little
cubes and distributed a little piece to every member. He was now extending one to Hyunjin who
was the only one not to have had his.

“I’m as confused as you are..” he said, not worried per se but still intrigued since it wasn’t like
Felix to simply disappear.

“What is it about people pulling a disappearing act today, um?” Jisung asked.

“Maybe they both went on a grocery run.” Seungmin offered.

“Maybe they’re really at the dance studio, that wouldn’t be the first time.” Changbin shrugged.

“Maybe they’re fooling around somewhere..” I.N joked with a cheeky smile.

Changbin gave a small, gentle slap behind Jeongin’s head shaking his head, both Jisung and
Hyunjin’s heads snapping in his direction at his words. They both sighed almost in perfect synch
afterwards, probably knowing it wasn’t a real possibility.

“Felix’s shoes are still in the entrance though.” Hyunjin pointed out.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too bro!” Jisung exclaimed, like it was proving some kind of point that
they were two saying the same thing.

“Anyway, let’s just all get to work and I’ll call Felix and Minho to see where they’re at.” Chan
announced, getting up, signifying it was indeed time for everyone to get busy.
Seungmin, Jeongin and Changbin followed Chan out of the kitchen, all having different plans and
things to work on for the day. Jisung gave a tap on Hyunjin’s shoulder while the other was
munching on his brownie and Hyunjin nodded in response. They both needed to work in the
recording room today to practice and improve their rapping mostly, something they often did with
just the two of them or with Changbin too. After throwing the rest of his brownie in his mouth,
Hyunjin followed Jisung towards the entrance leading to the recording room, still bothered that not
only did he wake up alone but on top of that Felix was nowhere to be found now.

Minutes or hours could’ve passed, Felix had no idea. Minho and him had started to talk about the
song and the way Minho was imagining the beat, of ways to improve the lyrics and add to them in
an interesting manner, getting sidetracked along the way with talking about creating a
choreography for the song as well, and even sometimes ending up on topic totally unrelated to the
music in itself. They both got really excited about this little side project of theirs, even Felix who
was usually very scared of investing himself in music, not wanting to mess things up with his lack
of talent, was simply hyped to work on this. He felt like Minho and him could connect on a
different level just because they were in somewhat similar situations and that was the reason why
this song was perfect for both of them.

They actually were having a lot of fun together and nothing felt like work at all. They were weirdly
comfortable with one another once they had a little time to loosen up and it felt really good to Felix
who was always more at peace when he was around people he could be his sunny, cuddly, goofy
self with. And Minho was definitely more fun and talkative than he looked like at first glance.
Felix had noticed all that the day before with their time spent together but it was even clearer to
him today. And he loved that.

When the door opened and both Jisung and Hyunjin climbed down the stairs, Felix and Minho
were both on the floor in the middle of the room. Minho was sitting, his legs extended on the floor,
while Felix was laying on his back on the floor, his head on Minho’s lap. He was playing with one
of Minho’s hands absently while the other boy was using his free hand to make big gestures in the
air, talking excitedly, looking down at Felix. Felix was laughing and nodding, answering to Minho
with a shared excitement here and there. Neither of them heard the footsteps entering the room, too
engrossed in their lively conversation, laughing together like close friends.

“I mean.. If I want to be manhandled, I’d definitely not pick you! I need a strong man!” Felix
chuckled, lifting his arm and flexing his biceps to prove his point. “Someone like Chan. Not..” he
gestured vaguely towards Minho, his head still on his lap.

They were talking about dancing, and about being lifted during a choreography and Felix chose to
tease Minho since, like him, he had a smaller frame compared to some of the other guys like Chan
and Changbin or even Jisung to some extent.

“I’m gonna show you if I’m not strong!” Minho exclaimed with a fake shock on his face before
grinning and bringing his hands down to tickle Felix, probably remembering that the boy was very
ticklish.

“Well well.. So that’s where you were..” Jisung’s voice suddenly echoed in the room.

Minho stopped his movements and both him and Felix looked towards the bottom of the stairs,
where both Jisung and Hyunjin were standing, arms crossed. Hyunjin’s head was tilted to the side
and for some reason he looked a little bothered. Was it because Felix didn’t stay in bed with him,
or something else? Felix didn’t know Jisung’s facial expression as well as Hyunjin’s but he could
see the other boy wasn’t completely happy either. He wondered if something happened to put the
two of them in a bad mood.

“Don’t mind us..” Jisung added, walking more into the room, Hyunjin on his heels.

“You’re here to practice?” Minho asked, raising an eyebrow. Either he wasn’t sensing the weird
mood or he was choosing to ignore it, acting as unbothered as ever.

Felix sat down, taking his head off of Minho’s lap. In one graceful motion, Minho got up to his
feet, offering his hand to Felix who took it. He tugged on his arm, pulling Felix up until his feet
were on the ground too. With a little smirk he mouthed the word ‘strong’ silently, winking at Felix
who giggled, shaking softly his head.

“Yeah.” Hyunjin said for the first time, watching the interaction between Felix and Minho with a
little frown. “But if we’re interrupting, we can come back later..” he added, tilting his head to the
side again, looking at Felix.

“No, that’s fine.” Minho shrugged casually. “I might need a bit of practice too. Mind if I hang
around?” he asked the two other boys. They both shrugged in response.

“Sure, if you have nothing else to do.” Jisung answered. He sounded as casual as ever but Felix
could swear there was an unusual edge to his voice.

“I’m gonna..” Felix started, ready to get out of there way to let them work. He wasn’t feeling good
about the fact that Hyunjin seemed in a foul mood, but he couldn’t intrude on their work and he
was planning on spending some alone time with him later to figure out what was wrong.

“You’re staying too.” Minho cut him off, grabbing his arm to pull him towards the couch, making
him sit next to him without waiting for Felix’s reaction. “Oh come on, it’ll be fun.” he added once
he saw the face Felix was making, ready to refuse and run away.

Felix thought it might be fun. He was intrigued to see them practice and especially to have a new
opportunity to hear Hyunjin singing, or to simply look at him while he was in his own little
musical world. Sure he couldn’t really practice with them, since he wasn’t part of the band and it
would simply be weird and rude to impose himself on their practice like that. But it might be fun to
watch, like Minho had said. So he simply nodded to Minho who winked at him once more. It
seemed to be something the other boy did often and to everyone.

“I’ll text Chan to tell him not to bother calling you then..” Jisung announced, his fingers quickly
dancing on his phone.

“Why would Chan call us?” Felix asked with a little frown.

“Well since you were both MIA since before anyone was even awake.. “ Hyunjin pointed out,
crossing his arms with that little unhappy pout of his. “.. he was getting worried.” he added, his
eyes gliding over Felix.

“Sorry..” Felix said, his voice small, looking at Hyunjin like he was saying sorry to him
personally, about not being in bed with him this morning, or about anything else that seemed to
bother him and that Felix wasn’t aware of. Hyunjin’s eyes seemed to soften a bit at that, but still he
quickly looked away and Felix started to believe more and more that Hyunjin’s mood was because
of him for some reason. “I’m gonna.. go grab us some brownies, fuel for your practice and all
that!” he suddenly said, getting up and walking to the stairs.

He wasn’t sure exactly why Hyunjin was in this weird mood, it couldn’t only be because Felix was
not in bed with him in the morning, but he couldn’t remember doing or saying anything else that
could’ve made him angry. He wasn’t good with confrontation and honestly, his time with Hyunjin
the night before had been so good that he didn’t want confrontation anyways. It was probably why
he had fled so quickly when he realized Hyunjin was most likely mad at him.

Felix just arrived at the top of the stairs when suddenly a hand grabbed firmly his wrist, stopping
him in his path. He didn’t even have time to turn his head around to see which of the boys had
grabbed him because, before he knew it, he was pushed back, his back pressed against the wall,
Hyunjin’s hands on each side of his face, the gorgeous boy looking down at him intensely.

“Hyunie, listen, I..” Felix started, sheepishly looking up at him, not wanting this to turn into an
argument and ready to have a conversation and explain or apologize for whatever was the problem.

But Hyunjin didn’t even let Felix finish. Swiftly he leaned forward, his lips crashing against
Felix’s. It wasn’t gentle, it was rough and rushed and passionate. One of Hyunjin’s hand left the
wall to grab Felix’s pink strands between his fingers, pulling his head back in that way that always
had such a big effect on Felix. Felix could already feel his knees getting weak from the kiss and
from Hyunjin’s passion. But quickly, after only a few seconds, Hyunjin broke the kiss, leaning
back. Felix wouldn’t say no to more kissing and more alone time with Hyunjin altogether, but the
other boy’s behavior was also a bit confusing to him. It seemed to him like Hyunjin was angry or at
least bothered for some reason, since the moment he had set foot in the recording studio. So why
the kiss?

“Wh.. What was that for..?” Felix asked, breathless, his lips red and swollen from the kiss and his
cheeks visibly flushed.

“A reminder.” was Hyunjin’s answer.

 Kiss Me Again..

“A.. reminder?” Felix asked, confused.

“A reminder.” Hyunjin said again with a nod, his fingers still entangled in Felix’s hair, his other
hand against the wall, leaning closer to his face. He still seemed unhappy. “A reminder that I can
manhandle you better than Chan ever could.” he announced, his voice low, almost angry.

“Man..handle?” Felix repeated confused for a second. That’s when his conversation with Minho
came back to his mind. And he realized. Realized that taken out of context, without knowing what
he was talking about, his words could’ve really easily been taken a totally different way. “Oh..
OH!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening when he understood what Hyunjin must have thought,
hearing him say that.

Between his insecurities, his constant jealousy about Chan and the fact that he had arrived in the
middle of the conversation, it would be easy for Hyunjin to misunderstand Felix’s words. And
obviously, according to his reaction, he definitely did. Because Felix had said, loud and clear, that
if he had to choose someone to manhandle him, he would definitely pick Chan. He was talking
about being lifted in the air during a choreography, but Hyunjin didn’t know that and so it was
simple for him to take it another way. A more.. sexual way.

“No, no! We were talking about dancing, not.. that!” Felix exclaimed, gesturing his hands in front
of him. “Minho was saying he could lift me during a choreo and I was teasing him saying Chan
was a better choice for that..” he tried to explain, feeling foolish about the confusion.

“A better choice, uh?” Hyunjin said, if he was reassured by Felix’s explanation he didn’t show it,
choosing instead to focus on the last part of it.

“No, I mean..” Felix started, but he was abruptly stopped in his tracks when Hyunjin moved.

Hyunjin let go of Felix's hair and leaned to grab the other one in his arms. Before he knew what
was happening, Felix was lifted up in the hair, his back pinned against the wall, Hyunjin’s hand
under his thighs, almost resting on his butt, his body pressed against Felix’s and his face close to
his. He had to partially wrap his legs around Hyunjin’s hips, unconsciously, to support his own
weight.

“You think Chan could do that better than me..?” Hyunjin asked and Felix couldn’t tell anymore if
his voice was laced with jealousy and anger or lust and desire. Maybe a little bit of both. So Felix
simply shook his head, gripping Hyunjin’s shoulders for support. “I can be as manly as Chan is and
take care of you just fine. On top of that, you weren’t in bed with me and you were flirting with
Minho all morning..” he continued, almost rambling with a displeased pout.

Despite the situation, Felix couldn’t help but find Hyunjin’s behavior endearing. He wasn’t really
mad, he was just really jealous and, just like the day before, he probably wanted to cuddle in the
morning and now he was feeling insecure because of everything. So this brought an endeared smile
onto Felix’s lips as Hyunjin was talking.

“Hyunie..” he softly said during Hyunjin’s rant.

“... been spending a lot of alone time with him..” Hyunjin continued like he hadn’t even realized
Felix was calling his name.

“Hyunjin.” Felix called a little more firmly, moving his hand to cup Hyunjin’s face.
Finally Hyunjin stopped talking, looking at Felix. With that soft smile of his, Felix leaned and
pressed a feather-light, very brief kiss on Hyunjin’s lips, still smiling gently and lovingly when he
leaned back against the wall. He was still hanging in the air, Hyunjin holding him, his back pinned
to the wall, but he didn’t care.

“You’re cute..” Felix whispered with a smile, pushing a strand of hair from Hyunjin’s face with the
tip of his finger.

This must have taken Hyunjin by surprise because he didn’t say anything in return, simply staring
at Felix with his lips slightly parted, all anger disappearing from his face, his head slightly tilted to
the side in that way of his. This made Felix chuckle softly, leaning again to drop the same exact
kind of kiss on Hyunjin’s lips. Really he would never get sick of those lips of his. He leaned back
just the slightest bit, his lips still very close to Hyunjin’s, just to speak.

“I don’t want Minho..” he announced, his voice soft, gentle, just a little amused. He kissed him
briefly, once after those words. “I don’t want Chan..” he added, followed by one more light kiss. “I
think about you all day long..” he said, kissing him again. “I want to cuddle you all the time..”, he
admitted, one more kiss following his words. “To kiss you all the time..” he added, this time his
voice lower against Hyunjin’s lips before he leaned to offer him one final kiss, to prove his point.
“You have nothing to worry about..” he finished, finally leaning back all the way.

It was rare for Felix to have that kind of confidence, especially with Hyunjin who was usually the
one giving this kind of speeches and acting like nothing could fluster him. But when Hyunjin was
acting insecure or jealous like that, it always gave Felix the little push he needed to say what was
on his mind, acting more confidently just so he could reassure Hyunjin, so he could protect him.
He couldn’t help it, every time he saw Hyunjin being pouty and jealous, it made his heart flutter
and he wanted to make him understand what he felt for him as best he could. And as always, when
he did act that way, Hyunjin was stunned, unmoving, just looking at him without saying anything.

“Are you feeling better now?” Felix asked with a little amused smile. Hyunjin nodded in silence.
“Can you let me down then?” Felix chuckled but Hyunjin shook his head this time around.

“Kiss me again.” Hyunjin commanded instead, pressing Felix’s body more firmly against the wall,
leaning so his face would be only inches from his, all his confidence back.

And of course, Felix obliged. But since Hyunjin was back to his confident, authoritative self, Felix
now felt a little more shy and self conscious as he cupped Hyunjin’s face once more, pressing his
lips softly against his. It wasn’t as brief and soft as the previous kisses he had given him though,
Hyunjin pressing his mouth firmly against Felix’s, parting his lips to tease Felix’s bottom lip with
the tip of his tongue, asking for entrance. Felix opened slightly his mouth and their tongues found
each other, dancing around one another slowly and teasingly. Felix hand slid behind Hyunjin’s
neck, wishing this kiss would never end. After a few seconds, Hyunjin nimbled on Felix’s bottom
lip, sending shivers in Felix’s whole body who tighten his thighs around the other boys hips,
pressing himself against Hyunjin even more if that was possible, a very soft, almost inaudible
groan escaping Hyunjin’s lips and losing itself in Felix’s mouth.

It was clear, in that position, that both of the boys were more turned on than they should’ve been
and if Felix could feel it through his clothes by being pressed against Hyunjin like that, then
Hyunjin probably could feel Felix’s desire growing against him too. Just as the thought passed
through Felix’s mind, Hyunjin slightly moved his hips, rubbing himself against Felix ever so
slightly, making Felix moan not so discreetly in the process, the sensation being too much to take.

“Shhh baby..” Hyunjin murmured against Felix’s mouth, a smug little smile on the corner of his
lips and his voice raspy from the kiss and probably from his own desire that he couldn’t hide from
Felix in that position.

“Hyunjin..” Felix tried to start but Hyunjin rolled his hips again. Felix could feel that he was
getting harder under his clothes and so was his movement against Felix who bit his own lip trying
to muffle a second moan caused by the friction.

“God; I love that sound in your mouth..” Hyunjin whispered under his breath, his voice almost a
groan and Felix wasn’t sure if he was talking about the moans or about him saying his name. Or
both.

“We need to.. go back to the others..” Felix finally said, having difficulties saying the words and
keeping a clear head.

“Umm.. I know..” Hyunjin answered, burying his face in Felix’s neck, brushing his lips over his
skin. “I just wanted to tease you a bit..” he added, grazing Felix’s skin with his teeth, one more
muffled moan coming from Felix who was once more biting his bottom lip to keep quiet. “As a
punishment..” Hyunjin said, knowing full well the effect this kind of thing had on Felix, before
leaning away from his neck with a proud little smirk.

Finally Hyunjin slowly slid Felix down against the wall, Felix unhooking his legs from around
Hyunjin’s hips until his feet hit the ground once again. Still Hyunjin kept his hands softly on
Felix’s hips, looking at him with a little smile, raising one hand to brush Felix’s hair back, tilting
his head to the side. He looked way happier than he did when he first entered the recording room a
few minutes earlier and for that Felix was grateful. He didn’t like to see Hyunjin unhappy,
especially because of a misunderstanding. But both men were also visibly turned on, it was clear
through their clothes and they definitely couldn’t show themselves like that without being totally
obvious as to what they were doing together just a second before.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself..” Hyunjin chuckled, caressing Felix’s cheek. “I got excited
when you said you wanted to kiss me..” he added with a cheeky smile, Felix blushing instantly,
now feeling very embarrassed that he had the audacity to make such a speech. “You’re incredibly
sexy right now, you know..?” he randomly added, his thumb gliding over Felix’s lower lip.

“Stop it..” Felix shyly said, looking away, his cheeks burning at the compliment.

“Sorry, sorry baby.” he laughed softly, leaning to kiss Felix’s cheek gently. “Anyway, you’re
staying with us for practice, right?” he then asked, tilting his head with his little pout on his lips.

Felix had thought about fleeing the scene and not coming back when he realized Hyunjin was mad
at him, but now that the whole situation had been laid to rest, he really wanted to be there for
practice. The idea of it excited him, not only because he wanted to see Hyunjin sing again, but
because the more time he spent around those boys the more he wanted to be surrounded by more
and more music. His time working on the song with Minho had made him realize that despite his
insecurities and that way he had of trying to distance himself from music to protect himself, his
dreams were still alive and burning inside him, harder and harder to ignore. Maybe it was foolish of
him, maybe it was selfish. But he couldn’t help it.

“Sure.” he nodded with a little smile. “I’m just gonna grab snacks for us” he gestured towards the
door next to them, leading to the entrance.

“I’ll come with!” Hyunjin exclaimed, taking a step away from Felix to go towards the door. “I
kinda told the guys I was gonna get drinks so I could run after you..” he added with a little amused
smile, opening the door for Felix.
“Smooth..” Felix pointed out teasingly.

The two of them softly laughed, teasing one another as they walked through the entrance, passing
through the living room to get to the kitchen.

“Oh Felix, great timing! Come here a sec.” Chan’s voice stopped Felix in his path. There’s
something I wanna talk to you about.” he explained, getting up from the couch where he was seated
with his trusty laptop.

It was great timing indeed, because Felix wanted to have a word with Chan too. He didn’t know
how the other boy would react at what Felix had to say, but after mulling it over and over for a
little while now and especially since he heard the last song they did together and he spent time
working on music with Minho, he knew what he wanted, what he hoped for and he needed to
expose that fact to his best friend as soon as possible. Even if it was possible that it didn’t end up
like Felix wanted it to, it was a risk he was now ready to take.

“Sure thing, I need to talk to you too!” Felix exclaimed, nodding in Chan’s direction before turning
to Hyunjin who was simply watching the exchange, probably not understanding the foreign
language. “Can you go grab the brownies for me, please?” he asked, offering Hyunjin the sweetest
smile just to remind him not to get jealous about Chan appearing in the picture.

Hyunjin nodded with the same kind of smile. Felix could see on his face that Hyunjin would’ve
wanted to kiss him or hug him before going, maybe just because he wanted to, or maybe to show
Chan he was there and not giving up on Felix, but he did neither, simply walking away to the
kitchen. Only then did Felix walk towards Chan in the middle of the living room, the two of them
standing face to face. They awkwardly stared at each other silently for a second, like they were
both apprehensive about saying whatever it was they had in mind.

“Listen.. ” Chan started carefully.

But Felix couldn’t take it anymore, he knew that if he wasn’t saying anything right here and right
now he would lose his nerve and close up once again because of his insecurities. So just as Chan
opened his mouth to say what he wanted with Felix, Felix too spoke up, the two of them making
their announcement at the same time, in perfect synchronisation.

“I want to add you to the band!” Chan exclaimed

“I want to join the band!” Felix blurted out.

And after that it was complete silence for a second, the two of them looking at each other, blinking,
unsure if they had heard the other one right or if the cacophony of their two voices combined had
made them imagine things.

“What?” they both asked in unison again, dumbfounded.

One more second of silence fell between the two of them as they looked at each other, probably
trying to gage if the other one was serious or just joking around. You could hear a pin drop during
their staring contest, until they both started to laugh at each other and at their behavior.

“Are you.. I mean, really?” Chan asked, surprised, Felix nodding.

“Are you sure..?” Felix then asked, excited but trying to contain himself. Chan nodded as well.
And in an instead they were rushing into each other’s arms, bursting in laughter, excitement and
happiness exulting from both of them. Chan was clearly relieved and genuinely happy to see Felix
finally taking a step to live his dreams instead of staying hung up on the horrible things his parents
had told him for most of his life, believing he had no place in the music world despite the fact that,
to everyone except himself, it was clear that it was his calling. Felix was ecstatic at the idea of
making music with Chan again, to be able to do the things he always loved, the things that were
forbidden to him for the longest time. But he was also extremely nervous that he was going to fuck
it up, that his talent was so subpar compared to the others that he would ruin their hard work. Still
he was more than ready to work twice, if not thrice as hard as anyone else here to fill the gap
between them and get on their level, if it was at all possible. He knew what he wanted and that was
music, that was being a part of Stray Kids. And he would do anything to make it work. Because
after all these years, it was finally time to make a choice for himself and lead his life the way he
wanted to and not the way his parents had told him he should.

“It’s gonna be great! It’s gonna be so much fun! I have so many ideas!” Chan excitedly announced
once they both took a step back from each other. “I’m proud of you Lixie..” he added more softly,
the love in his eyes clear as day as he gave Felix’s shoulder a brotherly pat.

“It’s all thanks to you.. Thank you for giving me shelter and believing in me and taking a chance
on me.. You didn’t have to do any of that..” Felix answered sincerely.

“Of course I did.. We’re family.” Chan countered and Felix nodded with the warmest, softest smile,
because he knew how true that was.

“So.. What did I miss exactly?” Hyunjin's voice echoed from behind them.

He had been standing there for a little while, watching the exchange, completely confused as Felix
and Chan jumped into each other’s arms, laughing hysterically. Felix turned around and chuckled,
happier than ever to see Hyunjin’s face, knowing that now he could be part of his world even more
than before, knowing that they were going to make music together from now on. Nothing was
better than that thought.

“I’ll tell you once we’re back downstairs.” Felix said with a little smile, wanting to wait so he
could announce the news to Jisung and Minho as well. He could tell the others later, if Chan didn’t
take care of it for him until then. “ I’m gonna go practice with the boys. I’m not gonna slack off
now that you’re giving me this opportunity so.. watch me okay? I’ll make you proud.” Felix
announced to Chan who simply nodded, even though the look in his eyes was saying it all, how
proud he already was, how emotional Felix’s words made him and how simply happy he was to
have Felix by his side.

Felix smiled once more, genuinely and warmly, to Chan before turning to join Hyunjin who was
waiting near the door to the entrance, a plate full of brownie pieces in one hand and a few water
bottles in the other.

“I really need to learn English..” Hyunjin muttered under his breath as Felix got to his level. He
was probably tired of witnessing Chan and Felix’s conversations without being able to pick up on
anything they were saying. Something like that was probably annoying for him since he was
already so jealous of the tight relationship the two other boys had.

“I’ll teach you.. If you want..” Felix offered with a sly little smile as he walked past Hyunjin,
grabbing the brownies and going straight to the entrance and to the stairs, Hyunjin quickly picking
up the pace to follow him.

“I like the sound of that..” Hyunjin retorted as they started to climb down the stairs, his voice
sensual.

Felix chuckled, rolling his eyes at Hyunjin’s attempt at flirting. He was always so flirty with him
and Felix absolutely loved it. Even though he was himself shy and reserved, mostly because he
was not used to this kind of attention from another person, especially not one as gorgeous as
Hyunjin, this flirting was fun for him too. But he didn’t flirt back because they were already down
the stairs and into the recording room. Minho was back in the armchair where he was sitting earlier
this morning and Jisung was sitting on the ground, completely on the other side of the room. Felix
had a feeling that the two of them hadn’t talked things out yet the way Hyunjin and him had. And
he hoped that his news was going to help lighten the mood in the room, even just a little bit.

He walked to the little table, putting the plate of brownies on it, Hyunjin’s bottles joining it soon
after before Hyunjin let himself fall on the couch. Felix stayed up though, clearing his throat to get
everyone’s attention. Jisung and Minho looked up at him and he knew Hyunjin’s eyes were on him
too, even if his back was facing him right now. He was a little nervous to make the announcement
despite his excitement and his happiness. Because even though Chan was clearly the leader, they
were all part of the band and they all had their say in those kinds of things. He simply hoped they
wouldn’t be opposed to the idea, or mad that Felix and Chan had decided that on their own.

“I have something I’d like to announce..” he said to everybody, his voice not as confident as he
would’ve liked it to be. Still everyone stayed silent, waiting for him to make his announcement.
“Chan and I talked and..” he started, stopping to take a deep breath, watching Jisung and Minho’s
reaction, trying to gage whether they would welcome the news or not. After a second, he gathered
his courage and finally dropped the bomb he was holding in. “I’m going to join Stray Kids.”
 You Belong With Me

There was a silence after Felix’s announcement that seemed to stretch on forever, the boys simply
looking at him, then looking at each other, shrugging at each other before looking at Felix once
more. The anxiety in Felix’s stomach rose more and more the longer the silence lasted. He was
fiddling with his fingers in front of him, simply waiting, hoping, wishing that someone would say
something.

“Well duh..” Jisung said, the first to open his mouth.

“But weren’t you already part of the band though..?” Minho asked, nodding at Jisung’s reaction.

“Um.. No..?” Felix replied, confused and thrown off by those reactions.

At no point was it established that he was part of the band, far from it. He had recited a few lyrics
once after Chan had asked him to but nobody ever talked about him joining the band before today
and, in Felix’s mind it was clear he was just a guest, a passerby in their house until now. And still
both Jisung and Minho made it seem like it was obvious that he had been part of the band all
along. This confused Felix greatly but, in some weird way, it also made him feel really good, like
in the other boys’ mind he belonged enough for them to instinctively see him as a part of their team
already.

“I mean, you recorded a song with us, so I just assumed..” Minho shrugged.

“Yeah but.. It was just because Channie asked.. I didn’t think..” Felix started, feeling a bit self-
conscious about the attention being on him now.

“Well anyway, welcome then!” Minho exclaimed, probably sensing the awkwardness.

He leaned from his chair, extending his arm to slap Felix’s butt gently with a wink. Felix giggled at
his behavior, while Jisung frowned ever so slightly, crossing his arms on his chest, leaning his
back against the wall behind him. Suddenly Felix felt hands grabbing him from behind and before
he could react he was pulled back and fell on the couch next to Hyunjin who was already draping
an arm around his shoulders possessively.

“Welcome baby” he softly said, pressing his lips to Felix’s ear for a second, his smile audible in his
voice.

Felix put his hand on Hyunjin's thigh, squeezing it slightly as a thank you, smiling back at him.
Being close to him, with his arm around him, his scent surrounding him, his voice in his ear, it
made him instantly feel more at ease and more at peace.

“Good thing we have you with us bro, the fans are already going crazy over you!” Jisung softly
chuckled, probably a little less jealous now that Felix was in Hyunjin’s arms.

“Don’t say that..” Felix suddenly blushed, wanting to hide his face in his hands, remembering the
comments he had seen online.

“That’s true though..” Minho pointed out. “Brownie Boy’s voice is so sexy!” he added, doing a
high pitch dramatic reenactment of a comment he probably read before laughing at himself.

“Sexy? It’s not..” Felix started, even more embarrassed, his cheeks bright pink already.
“Oh, it is..” Hyunjin whispered against his ear, pulling him closer to him with his arm around his
shoulders.

Felix gave a little slap on Hyunjin’s thigh. He’s flirting and his sensual voice so low in his ear was
very distracting and was absolutely not helping with his furious blushing at the moment, no matter
how much he liked to hear Hyunjin say he found his voice sexy. Maybe it was something to keep
in mind, something he could use on him later, a weakness of sorts. But now was definitely not the
time to think of those things, despite Hyunjin’s body so close to his already.

“Come on, stop embarrassing him.” Jisung chuckled. “He’s gonna be the new fans’ favorite after
all!” he added.

“Aren’t we here to practice?” Felix suddenly pointed out, clearing his throat and trying to change
the subject, feeling way too embarrassed and shy because of the attention and the praises he was
receiving. He wasn’t used to being showered in so many positive comments and it was a little bit
overwhelming.

“Right!” Minho said, getting up. “But we should definitely celebrate with everyone later!” he
added, giving one more wink to Felix, that way he seemed to be so used to already.

All the boys had agreed that a celebration was in order and they simply jumped into the thick of
practice. Felix had no idea how things worked and how they liked to practice in general so he went
with the flow, following their lead as to what to do and how to do it, feeling a bit awkward at first,
but taking his bearings pretty easily. All the boys got up at first, simply warming up their voices,
doing diverse sounds with their mouths so they wouldn’t hurt their vocal cords. Jisung naturally
took the lead on telling them what voice exercise to do, doing a sound and asking them to
reproduce it.

After what Jisung and Hyunjin suddenly decided they wanted to do a rap battle between the two of
them. Since they came to practice together it was probably what they had in mind in the first place,
so Minho and Felix told them to go ahead and while Hyunjin went to join Jisung in the middle of
the room, Minho moved to sit next to Felix on the couch.

“Should we go to the dance studio tomorrow to work on that choreo we talked about?” Minho
asked, leaning to talk close to Felix’s ear, whispering, probably because he wanted to keep that
project between the two of them.

“Definitely!” Felix answered, smiling at Minho, excited by that prospect.

Minho smiled back, bumping Felix’s shoulder with his before the two of them tried to focus back
on Hyunjin and Jisung who were getting ready to start rapping against one another. Some music,
chosen by Jisung, started to play softly in the background and Jisung started to rap, his words
flowing effortlessly out of his mouth, his style still as impressive to Felix as it was the first time he
heard it. After a few seconds, Felix could hear Minho take out the piece of paper, with the lyrics
they worked on earlier on it, from his pocket, scribbling things on it quickly. The next second, he
was bumping into Felix’s shoulder again, passing him the paper for him to look over it.

Felix took the paper, his eyes gliding over it to notice the quick additions Minho had made to it. He
was amused to see that Minho was inspired watching Jisung perform. The other boy would
probably deny it if Felix pointed it out but there was no doubt about it, since he had started writing
things down just after Jisung had started his rap. Felix quickly nodded his approval to Minho
before focusing back on the two others, the paper still in his hands.
When Jisung stopped rapping it was Hyunjin’s turn. His style and flow were totally different from
Jisung’s just as Felix remembered from all those songs he listened to on his computer. He
absolutely loved Hyunjin’s voice, but seeing him perform live was so different from simply
hearing him. When he was rapping, just like when he was dancing, Hyunjin’s face was always so
intense and expressive, and that, to Felix, was absolutely captivating.. It gave him inspiration. So as
he watched and listened to Hyunjin for a few seconds, he grabbed the pen from Minho’s hands and
leaned over the piece of paper to add some lyrics of his own, just like Minho had done a second
ago, extending the paper to him when he was done with it. Minho chuckled softly, glancing at the
paper before nodding like Felix had done earlier.

This little charade lasted for a while. Jisung and Hyunjin were rapping in the background but
Minho and Felix almost didn’t pay attention to it anymore. Their shoulders pressed against one
another, sitting close together on the couch, Felix and Minho were often leaning to speak into each
other’s ear, passing the piece of paper between one another with every little changes they made to
the lyrics, talking about how to make it flow smoothly, lost in their own little bubble once again,
giggling and nodding at each other every so often.

They barely registered when Hyunjin and Jisung stopped singing, or the look the two of them
exchanged after realizing that both Felix and Minho were too busy with one another to pay
attention to them anymore. What did make Minho react though, was when Jisung walked to the
couch, grabbing the paper from Minho’s hands and quickly walking away with it.

“What’s that?” he asked acting amused even though he didn’t seem like he was, laying his eyes on
the page, probably to learn what was more important for Minho right now than looking at him.

Minho jumped out of the couch so fast Felix barely saw him. He ran after Jisung and ripped the
piece of paper out of his hands just as fast with a displeased expression on his face, surprising
everyone and especially Jisung.

“Nothing that concerns you!” he spit out, cradling the paper against his chest so nobody could see
what was on it.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jisung asked, he seemed annoyed and hurt.

“What’s wrong with you!?” Minho retorted in the same way.

And then Minho simply walked away, around the couch, up the stairs and out of the room, with his
lyrics against his chest and without saying anything more to anyone. Felix could tell he was just
flustered and that was why he reacted that way. Obviously Minho didn’t want Jisung to read the
lyrics because he was afraid that Jisung would understand the song was partially about him. Sure,
Jisung probably knew how MInho felt since the two of them seemed to be in a pretty tight, serious
relationship already, despite Minho keeping it a secret. But Minho seemed, to Felix, like the type
of person who had a hard time actually expressing said feelings openly. He may not look or act like
it, but he was simply embarrassed and shy with this sort of thing. At least that’s what Felix noticed
while interacting with him. But obviously since Jisung didn’t know what the piece of paper was all
about, he couldn’t understand Minho’s reaction the way Felix had. Just like Hyunjin, he was very
confused, still looking hurt and annoyed.

“I’m gonna take a break.” he announced, trying to chuckle to act as if the whole incident didn’t
faze him although it was pretty clear it had, before walking towards the exit as well.

“What was that about?” Hyunjin finally asked after a second, walking to the couch and letting
himself fall next to Felix who shrugged as a response. “The two of you seem awfully close lately..”
he added with his little jealous pout.

Without warning he laid on the couch, his long legs dangling from the side, positioning his head on
Felix’s lap, looking up at him. Instinctively Felix brought his little fingers in Hyunjin’s hair,
caressing them softly, grazing his scalp with his nails like he was massaging him. Hyunjin closed
his eyes, a little satisfied “ummm” escaping his lips at Felix’s gestures.

“I guess that’s it for practice today then, uh?” Felix said pensively, most of his thoughts focused on
Hyunjin’s peaceful expression and his ethereal, effortless beauty as he simply laid there, eyes
closed, a small content smile on his lips.

“Mmh.. Doesn’t have to be..” Hyunjin answered softly, his voice quiet like he was already ready to
fall asleep on Felix’s laps.

“What do you mean?”

“Sing me something..” Hyunjin asked, opening his eyes long enough to look at Felix and give him
this kind of small, beautiful smile that Felix loved so much and couldn’t resist.

“What kind of song?” Felix asked. He couldn’t say no to Hyunjin, no matter how self conscious
and anxious it made him to sing alone for the boy, exposing his voice that, he thought, wasn’t
good enough to be heard in the state it was in right now.

“Anything. You choose.” Hyunjin smiled, closing back his eyes to enjoy Felix’s touch in his hair
once more.

Felix thought about it for a second. He didn’t think there were a lot of songs that he could sing
while sounding good, but then again he was aware that his own insecurities had a tendency to get
in his way and so he chose to ignore this part of his brain, just for a minute. He might not sound
great, he might feel silly and anxious about it, but he felt that if it was in front of Hyunjin, to please
him, it would be okay. And so he set his mind on a song he knew by heart, focusing on Hyunjin’s
beautiful face, a little smile appearing on his lips as he started to sing very softly and quietly.

“Here we go, come with me.

There’s a word out there, that we should see.
Take my hand, close your eyes.
With you right here, I’m a rocketeer.
Let’s fly.”

As the lyrics went on, Felix closed his eyes, singing the words he knew so well from listening to
that song many times during the years, moving his head imperceptibly to an inaudible beat. He
was in his own little world, singing softly. He had a hard time hitting the higher notes but he could
work around it by singing them more quietly. Even the rapping part was flowing easily. With his
eyes closed, he didn’t notice Hyunjin opening his own eyes to admire him discreetly, laying on
Felix’s lap, watching him, amazed and entranced, not only by his talent and his voice, but also his
beauty and the way he could lose himself in the song, with that cute little frown of his, just
between his pretty eyebrows. Hyunjin couldn’t understand a word of the song, since it was in
English, but Felix’s voice was enough for him to enjoy it greatly nonetheless.

“Now, I’ve never been to space before,

But I ain’t never seen a face like yours.
You make me feel like I could touch the planets.
You want the moon, boy, watch me grab it.”
At those lyrics, Felix opened his eyes, a small smile on his lips, meeting Hyunjin’s gaze. The
words reminded him of Hyunjin himself and the way he made him feel and so he felt like singing
them to him directly. He felt a little more confident doing so because he knew Hyunjin couldn’t
understand the meaning behind those words. Maybe it was too powerful a feeling to already have
for someone he had known for so little time, and Felix wasn’t ready to admit to himself what those
feelings exactly were, because it was frightening and too real for him yet. But he could admit that
those lyrics represented what was in his heart pretty well.

Hyunjin was staring deep into his eyes, and it almost felt like he could see his soul and, despite the
language barrier, understood that the words were meant for him, that Felix was singing them
directly to him. Felix’s fingers were still softly brushing Hyunjin’s black strands, the two of them
lost in each other's eyes as Felix sang the last few words, the last few notes of the song as though
there was nothing else around but the song in itself, and Hyunjin on his lap.

Silence filled the room when Felix finally stopped singing and for a few seconds neither of them
dared to break it by opening their mouths. But finally Hyunjin reached up, caressing Felix’s cheek
with the tip of his fingers with a soft, loving smile on his lips.

“I liked it.. What is it?” he asked, curious.

“Just an old song I used to listen to as a teenager..” Felix chuckled sheepishly, finally feeling the
embarrassment filling his body from the way he sang to Hyunjin.

“I wish I could understand the lyrics..” he said with a little pout. And Felix knew Hyunjin wanted
to understand the lyrics so he would know what Felix just sang to him while looking deep into his
eyes. To understand his feelings.

“You know.. I was serious when I said I could teach you English.. If you want to..” Felix shyly
said, focusing on his hand into Hyunjin’s hair instead of looking him in the eye. “I’m probably a
terrible teacher but..” he shrugged with a little sheepish smile.

“I’d like that..” Hyunjin answered softly, gently, his hand making it’s way to Felix’s chin to tilt it
so Felix would look at him again.

Slowly, Hyunjin slid his hand at the back of Felix’s neck, applying just a little bit of pressure there
to incite the other boy to lean forwards in his direction. And Felix did. He had to get in a pretty
uncomfortable position but as soon as his lips softly brushed Hyunjin’s, he didn’t care anymore.
The kiss was extremely soft and gentle and quick, Felix leaning back after a second. Still both of
them were looking at the other like they held the world in their eyes.

“I’m happy you’re here..” Hyunjin whispered after a few seconds of them simply looking at each
other. “You belong with us.” he added, just like he had said the night before in bed. “You belong..
with me.”

He seemed a little sheepish saying those last words but what he said melted Felix’s heart
completely. That sense of belonging was something Felix had longed for his whole life. Belonging
to a place, belonging in a family that loved and respected him, but also belonging to someone,
having this connection that made you feel at home anywhere. He had this kind of bond with Chan
but it was different, not romantic or sexual in nature, Chan was family and would always be. But
what Felix craved more than anything else in the world was to be loved, truly and unconditionally,
for who he was, by someone who would open their heart to him as much as he opened his. It was a
little early to proclaim this person was Hyunjin, but Felix felt so strongly about him, he was under
the impression that their relationship was maybe on its way to reach this level at some point. At
least he hoped it did because he was already too infatuated with him, he had already fallen too deep
to ever back down.

“You really think that?” Felix asked shyly, biting his lower lip, looking away.

Hyunjin raised himself up from Felix’s las, sitting normally on the couch to be able to face Felix
more easily, sliding his hands on Felix’s cheeks to force him to look at him once more, his thumbs
softly caressing the skin of his face.

“Of course I do, baby..” he said very softly, quietly, tilting his head to the side and watching Felix
like he was drinking in his features, committing them to memory. “As soon as I saw you.. Those
little stars on your face, those innocent eyes of yours looking up at me..” he sighed. “Nobody ever
looked at me like you do, you know ? So I knew you were special since the very start..” he
admitted, the infatuation he held for Felix clear in his eyes. “That day, when you bumped into me
in the entrance, I thought to myself.. ‘this is the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen in my life’. I couldn’t
take my eyes off of you, I just wanted to get close to you. But you’re not just beautiful, you’re
sweet and caring, talented and incredibly loving.. I’ve never met someone like you before..”
Hyunjin continued. “You know.. I’ve never been in.. that type of relationship before either.” he
admitted a little more sheepishly, like he was embarrassed by that fact even though Felix had told
him something similar a few days before. “I always seek out physical connections because it’s safer
for me and with my priors, I know people are attracted to my looks, I know what they want from
me, and if I give them that and nothing else, then they can’t hurt me.. I don’t know what “love”
feels like. I know attraction and desire, those are things I’ve been around all my life. Love is not
something that was part of my day to day before.. And getting attached to someone like that is
foreign to me, it’s scary, it’s dangerous. I always thought this sort of thing wasn’t for me, despite
how bad I wanted it but.. You make me want to change that..” he announced, barely taking time to
breathe, like he was scared he would lose his nerve if he stopped even only for a second to take a
breath.

The silence fell on the room after that. Felix was shocked by Hyunjin’s words, but more than that,
he could feel them in the deepest part of his heart, because those were his own thoughts, his own
feelings, reflected in what Hyunjin was saying to him. He too had barely known love, especially
not from his parents. His sisters loved him and so did Chan but he always felt like the kind of love
he craved would never be granted to him. He didn’t want to use the word “love” for Hyunjin just
yet because, just like the other boy had said, it was really scary. Loving someone was probably the
thing that could get you hurt the most, and Felix was more scared of being hurt again than
anything else. In his heart he knew what his feelings were though, despite him trying to take things
slow, to not fall head over heels too quickly, he knew.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that..” Hyunjin said, probably thinking that Felix’s silence was
a sign that he was uncomfortable, his hands falling from Felix’s face as he rested them back on his
own thighs, looking embarrassed but also a little hurt. “I keep trying to go too fast for you..” he
added with a little guilty pout, looking away from Felix. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,
I just want you.. to feel safe with me..”

“Hyunjin..” Felix breathed, tilting Hyunjin’s head up with his hand to meet his gaze. “I have no
idea what I’m doing with all of this and.. I’m scared.” he started and Hyunjin’s eyes tried to look
away once more but Felix didn’t let him. “But..” he added more firmly to make Hyunjin understand
he wasn’t done. “I feel the same way.” he finished gently, looking at Hyunjin to gage his reaction.

“You do..?” Hyunjin asked, hope pouring out from his words. Felix simply nodded as a response, a
little gentle smile on his lips.

Letting out a relieved breath, Hyunjin leaned closer, finally closing the gap between them to press
his soft lips against Felix’s in the gentlest way possible, like he was scared to break him, to see him
dissolve in his arms. Felix responded in kind, his hand sliding on Hyunjin’s shoulders while
Hyunjin’s hands found their place around Felix’s small face. The kiss felt like they were both
trying to communicate their feelings silently, too scared to put a name on it out loud but wanting
the other one to feel it nonetheless. It was a beautiful thing to experience.

The kiss had started softly, but quickly enough it became more passionate, Hyunjin’s hand
searching for Felix’s hair, tugging on it, Felix’s fingers gripping Hyunjin’s shirt as their tongues
continued to dance together. Hyunjin moved forward, forcing Felix to lean further and further
down until he was laying on the couch completely, Hyunjin sliding his own body between Felix’s
thighs to lay on top of him keeping himself up with one of his elbow next to Felix’s face, his other
hand still buried deep in Felix’s pink strands, his lips never once leaving Felix’s. After a second of
making out that way, their body pressed together, laying on the couch, Hyunjin leaned his head
back, breaking the contact of their lips, pressing his forehead to Felix’s, panting slightly, his lips
red and swollen. He looked like a painting, like an angel.

“Baby I..” he started

“Whatever you two are doing down there, stop it and come up here!” Changbin’s voice suddenly
echoed loudly in the room, from the top of the stairs where he couldn’t see Hyunjin and Felix and
their compromising position. Still he sounded amused as he walked away, the sound of the door
closing behind him.
 It's a Party!

Felix froze at the voice and so did Hyunjin, until the sound of the door closing echoed in the room
and then Hyunjin loudly sighed, letting himself fall on Felix, not supporting his own weight with
his arm anymore. Felix chuckled, raising a hand to pat Hyunjin’s head while the other boy buried
his face in Felix’s neck with a displeased groan.

“We can never be alone more than five minutes in this house..” he complained, his pout audible in
his voice. “Can we just ignore him and stay here?” he then asked childishly, rubbing the tip of his
nose against the skin of Felix’s neck.

“Come on, you know we can’t do that.” Felix laughed softly, his hand now stroking Hyunjin’s
hair. “What would they think, uh?”

“I don’t care..” Hyunjin countered, that same childish tone in his voice. “I wanna keep you to
myself and cuddle..” he added, sounding like a child in need of some attention, which Felix found
extremely endearing.

“We can cuddle tonight, in our room.” Felix rationalized, his tone gentle but amused.

Hyunjin lifted himself on his arm like before, taking his weight off of Felix while still laying on
top of him. He looked up at him with a little smile, his eyes shining, his head every so slightly
tilted to the side and some dark strands falling across his face.

“You said ‘our room’.” he pointed out, his smile silly.

“Well.. yeah..” Felix chuckled, raising an eyebrow. It was their room after all, it was a normal
thing to call it that.

“..I like it..” Hyunjin admitted sheepishly.

Felix’s heart could have exploded at how cute he found Hyunjin right this moment. This man that
was often commanding, full of confidence and sex appeal and that was always acting so flirtatious
and sensual with him could also be such a romantic, such a softie. That warmed Felix’s heart more
than anything else ever had. With the tip of his fingers, he brushed away the strands falling in front
of Hyunjin’s eyes, tucking them behind his ear, offering him the warmest little smile.

“Well if we want to get to our room any time soon, first we need to join the others..” he explained,
emphasizing the words ‘our room’ again since Hyunjin seemed to like hearing them so much.

Hyunjin’s childish pout was back on his lips at that, paired with a little displeased frown, but it was
clear it was hiding a smile under it. Finally he sighed loudly, hoisting himself up from the couch,
getting back on his feet.

“Fine..” he grumbled, extending his hand to Felix to help him up.

With a little amused giggle, Felix grabbed his hand, letting Hyunjin pull him up. Instead of letting
go of his hand once the boy was up, Hyunjin intertwined their fingers together with a little
charming smile before starting to walk towards the stairs, tugging on Felix’s hand for him to
follow. Only when they arrived at the top of the stairs, standing in front of the door leading to the
entrance did Hyunjin stopped, his hand still tightly wrapped around Felix’s, drawing little invisible
circles on the back of it with his thumb.
“Can I at least have one more kiss before going..?” Hyunjin asked, with that smile Felix loved so
much, already leaning his face towards Felix, bending his back ever so slightly to get to his level.
Felix could do nothing else but nod, his eyes already sliding towards Hyunjin’s lips in expectation.

With his free hand, Hyunjin cuped Felix’s face, tilting it up a bit before closing the gap between
them, pressing his lips against Felix’s. The feeling that blossomed in Felix’s chest every time
Hyunjin kissed him never changed despite the number of times their lips had touched at this point.
A kiss from him always seemed to create butterflies in his stomach, to make his heart skip a beat,
to make him forget about the world surrounding them, his mind only able to focus on Hyunjin and
his soft, plump lips against his. This explained why he didn’t hear it right away when the door to
the entrance slung open, realizing it just a second too late. Long enough for Minho, who was
standing in the door frame, to witness Hyunjin and Felix’s lips pressed together before the two of
them quickly separated, both taking a step back, surprise and shock on their faces from Minho’s
sudden appearance.

Minho’s only reaction to the scene he just witnessed was to stare for a second before loudly
snorting and walking away back to the living room without even making a comment to either
Hyunjin or Felix. Instantly Felix's face became bright red and he hid himself behind his hands,
hearing Hyunjin chuckle next to him. He didn’t think Minho would go tell everyone what he just
saw, at least he hoped he wouldn’t because he wasn’t ready to expose this whole thing like that,
especially not to Chan who worried so much for him because of his infatuation for Hyunjin in the
first place. And in a way it seemed fitting that Minho would be the one walking on them, since
Felix had been the one walking on him and Jisung kissing the day before. Still, it was
embarrassing, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to face Minho without blushing furiously
now that the other boy was aware of what was going on between him and Hyunjin.

“It’s alright baby..” Hyunjin chuckled, tugging on Felix’s hand that, for some reason, was still
wrapped in his. “At least he walked in on us when we were just kissing and not..” he started, being
stopped by Felix slapping him in the chest, his face so red it was almost concerning.

“Stop it!” he exclaimed, his voice almost a squeak because of how embarrassed he was, not only
from Minho walking in on them but also at what Hyunjin was saying.

Hyunjin laughed harder at that, pulling Felix into a quick hug, kissing the top of his head softly
before taking a step back.

“You’re way too cute..” he said lovingly with a soft chuckle. “Come on, time to face the music.” he
added, finally tugging on Felix’s hand to pass the door, walking into the entrance.

Hyunjin let go of his hand before they arrived in the living room and Felix was grateful for that,
but nonetheless, he was sure his face was still very flushed and that made him feel even more self
aware as they entered the room where all the other members were sitting on the couch. As soon as
Felix appeared, everyone cheered and clapped loudly, surprising Felix who almost jumped at the
sound. Hyunjin laughed softly next to him before quickly joining the other, clapping his hands
while walking to the couch. On one side of the couch, Minho was seated next to Jisung, leaning to
say something in his ear, visibly laughing. The two of them probably talked things out. Felix
doubted Minho told Jisung about the song, but they seemed a little less tense with one another than
before and that was a good thing in Felix’s mind. Jisung’s eyes widened at whatever Minho was
telling him before he laughed too, watching Felix and showing him two thumbs up. Felix instantly
hid his face in his hands once more, his face burning from the attention that was on him, all the
cheering and, obviously, the fact that Minho clearly talked to Jisung about what he just witnessed.
When he looked back up it was because an arm wrapped itself around his shoulders. Chan came
toward him, putting his arm around him with the happiest, proudest smile on his face.

“1, 2, 3…” Chan counted, looking at the others.

“Welcome to Stray Kids!” they all yelled at the end of the countdown, some of them jumping out
of the couch, arms in the air, others clapping furiously while screaming the words at the top of
their lungs. All of them smiling.

“Welcome, little brother.” Chan then said, almost a whisper that only Felix could hear, his voice so
loving and warm it almost hurt.

Felix threw himself in Chan’s arms. There was no other word for it. The welcome committee made
him extremely emotional. He had been very anxious that not everyone in the band would be happy
about his inclusion but they all smiled so genuinely while welcoming him. Never before in his life
had he felt so welcomed, never had he believed he belonged somewhere more than he belonged in
this house, with those people. And from the way they were cheering his name, it seemed like they
thought the same thing he did.

It was near impossible to suppress his emotions at this point and, with his face buried in Chan’s
neck, in front of everybody, he could feel the tears of joy burn his eyes before sliding on his
cheeks, finishing their descent onto Chan’s shirt. Chan wrapped both his arms around him with a
little laugh, stroking his back gently, making him feel even more at home. Probably realizing that
Felix was crying, all the other boys stopped cheering and clapping, getting up from the couch with
loving, endeared smiles, walking to Chan and him, throwing themselves into a messy group hug. It
was impossible to know whose arm was who’s and where one body started or one other ended,
they were all pressed against one another in a giant hug only to cheer up Felix and welcome him
amongst them. It was the warmest embrace Felix could have hoped for and he enjoyed every
second of it, closing his eyes in Chan’s neck, the tears slowly subsiding but the warmth and pure
unfiltered joy in his heart remaining.

After a while, all the boys took a step back, letting go of Felix, only Chan and Hyunjin both still
had their hands on him, Chan keeping his arm around Felix’s shoulders and Hyunjin squeezing his
hand tightly. With his free hand, Felix rubbed his eyes with a little embarrassed laugh, looking up
at the others. Chan was probably as happy as Felix was, all his love for him showing in his eyes.
Since he knew Felix better than anyone, he could understand his tears without having to ask
anything and he knew those were happy, relieved tears and nothing else. Hyunjin seemed a little
more worried. It came to Felix’s mind that it was the first time Hyunjin was seeing Felix crying.
He was usually this ball of sunshine, this positive presence who always smiled, always laughed,
always brightened the mood of everyone just by entering a room. Seeing him cry was a weird sight
and it seemed to have had an emotional impact on Hyunjin. But Felix squeezed his hand back,
offering him a warm, genuine smile, showing him he was okay. More than okay, he was happy.
And that was enough for Hyunjin to relax as well, rubbing his thumb on the back of Felix’s hand
before letting go of his fingers, taking a step back like the others.

“Thanks guys..” Felix chuckled shyly, scratching the back of his head, once more feeling awkward
to be the center of attention. “I’m gonna work hard so I’m not a nuisance to you, I promise.” he
announced, sounding determined despite his embarrassment.

“You better!” Minho exclaimed but the wink and smile he offered to Felix were playful.

“Don’t overwork yourself.” Seungmin softly warned him, with a gentle smile that was enough for
Felix to know that Seungmin would be here to take care of him if he ever needed it.
“Let’s just have fun together, okay?” Changbin laughed, giving a firm pat on Felix’s shoulder with
the biggest, most inviting smile on his lips.

“And don’t steal my fans, Brownie Boy!” Jisung exclaimed, everyone laughing at him and Minho
slapping him behind the head with a little chuckle.

“But continue to bake us stuff though..” Jeongin added and, at that, everyone cheered and clapped.
Apparently they all loved the sweets Felix baked and that made him very happy.

“Come on.” Chan finally called out, gesturing towards the couch and the coffee table filled with
bottles, boxes and glasses. “We’ve got pizza, we’ve got booze.. This is a party!” he announced.

Everyone yelled once more, the chaos that came with being in the same room as all the members as
present as ever as they all jumped around, making a bee line for the couch, letting themselves fall
on it and on each other in a beautiful mess that had Felix smiling and chuckling. Chan was the only
one still up and by his side. He pulled Felix closer to him, his arm tightly wrapped around his small
shoulders.

“I love you Lixie.” he whispered to him, kissing his temple like a big brother or a father would do.

“I love you too Chris..” Felix answered, turning his head to kiss Chan’s cheek.

The other boy’s face got slightly flushed as he offered a smile back to Felix. It was so rare for him
to say those words that when he did it really meant something, it was powerful and Chan knew that
better than anyone. That was Felix’s way of showing him how thankful he was, not only for giving
him this opportunity, but simply for being a part of his life. After their little exchange of smiles,
Chan led Felix to the couch, making him sit next to him as they other boys slowly calmed down,
still very excited for the pizza and the booze but just a little less chaotic than before.

Things started out fine, all of them sipping on their drinks, eating slices of pizza and talking about
everything and anything, joking amongst each other. It was actually really nice, Felix learned new
things about everyone, discovering their personalities just a little bit more by hearing them talk and
seeing them interact with each other. As always, he was absolutely amazed at how close they all
were to one another, how much of a tight family they were. And more than ever before he felt
grateful to now be a part of this little family and proud to call himself a Stray Kid.

Chan and Felix were sitting close together at one end of the couch, joking with one another in their
native tongue while laughing at the others every time Jisung or Changbin would do or say
something silly. I.N sat on the floor next to the coffee table and his glass always seemed full
despite the numerous times Felix saw him take a sip of it. He was a little worried about it since the
boy was the youngest of the group, but despite that, he was, like all of them, a responsible adult
and so Felix couldn’t tell him to stop drinking. He just hoped Jeongin knew his limits and wouldn’t
make himself sick. Minho was sitting next to Jisung, not as close as they were usually, but still
seeming tighter than they had been in the recording room earlier, Minho often touching Jisung’s
arm or giving him little slaps on the shoulder when he would make a joke, chuckling, his eyes
following every one of his movements. Looking at him Felix wondered if he was as obvious with
Hyunjin as Minho was with Jisung and the idea almost made him blush. Changbin and Seungmin
were both at the other end of the couch, Changbin chugging his drinks like it was water, all the
while taking apart the empty boxes of pizza, making tiny projectiles with the cardboard to throw
them at I.N to annoy him. While Seungmin was calmer, sipping on his drinks every so often, in
moderation, keeping an eye on everyone with a soft smile, still cracking a joke and showing his
more silly and goofy side every now and then, breaking this image that Felix often had of him only
being a calm, gentle soul. He could be as chaotic as they all were, most of the time he just chose
not to. Hyunjin, just like I.N, was seated on the ground, his back against the couch near Changbin’s
feet, a nearly empty glass in one hand and a large piece of pizza in the other. He seemed to have
fun, laughing loudly at every single joke, making big hand gestures when he was telling stories and
making fun of every member every chance he had. But every so often his eyes would glance
towards Felix, lingering there for a second too long before he went back to his antics.

All in all, it was a fairly chill and really amusing night they were spending together, as friends, as a
band, as a family. Felix was having a lot of fun, joking with everyone, feeling more and more
comfortable by the second, feeling almost no embarrassment anymore, even when he was telling
stories he was ashamed of or when other members teased him on something. That probably
should’ve been his first warning. But he felt great, he felt happy, he felt giddy, he felt like he was
on top of the world and that was a feeling he wanted to bask in for as long as possible, so obviously
he didn’t see anything weird or wrong with the fact that all his inhibitions seemed to start to
disappear one by one as time went by. He didn’t notice it either when the first bottle of alcohol was
emptied, or the second, or the third. He didn’t even realize how the behavior of each member
slowly started to change as more and more alcohol was consumed.

It had, indeed, started out fine. But not all members knew their limits when it came to alcohol and
before anyone knew it, most of them were pretty drunk already. Some would say that was when the
real fun could start. But with a bunch of guys as loud and chaotic and weird as them all, things
could get pretty unpredictable. So even though Felix probably didn’t realize it as he was emptying
his glass for the umpteenth time, leaning more and more against Chan’s body for support, one
thing was for certain: the evening would soon become as chaotic as they all were.
 Don't You Mean.. Daddy?

Almost two hours had passed since they started drinking and talking and they were all pretty
inebriated at this point, the decibel levels already rising by a lot. They were still chatting but almost
yelling instead of talking. Jisung and Jeongin especially seemed to like making as much noise as
they could for no good reason, but since it made everyone laugh, they continued their antics
happily. Felix, who wasn’t really used to drinking a lot, had an especially low tolerance and could
already feel that he was a little more than tipsy at this point, his whole body feeling hot, his mind
delightfully foggy. Everything seemed extra funny to him and more and more he was starting to
crave way more physical attention than what he was already given.

He was pressed against Chan who had his arm around his shoulders, chatting with Changbin on the
other side of the couch, not paying attention to Felix but still rubbing his arm with his thumb
absently during his little chat. Even Hyunjin who was on Changbin’s side was too busy laughing
loudly, throwing his arm in the air, talking to Jisung and Minho to look his way and pay him
attention. Felix felt needy and he didn’t like the lack of attention he was getting from the boy he
liked or from his best friend.

He nuzzled Chan’s neck with a little pout on his lips, but Chan did nothing more than stroke his
arm softly, continuing to talk and laugh with Changbin, Seungmin joining in on their debate. Not
only was Felix in need of Chan’s attention but he was getting irritated that Hyunjin hadn’t looked
his way in a few minutes, he who was usually so jealous whenever Felix was around Chan. Usually
Felix didn’t like to know the other boy felt bad when Felix and Chan spent time together, but with
too much alcohol in his vein he was starting to feel a deep insatiable need for attention, going as far
as to want to see Hyunjin’s jealous gaze just to know the other boy wanted him all for himself.

So Felix moved and went to sit on Chan’s lap without warning, in a position that allowed him to
wrap himself completely around him, his legs on each side of his, his arms around his neck,
pressed against him. Chan didn’t miss a beat, like Felix behavior didn’t faze him in the slightest,
and he slid his powerful arms around Felix small body, one arm wrapped firmly around the other
boy’s waist while his second hand was stroking his back, all the while keeping up his conversation
with the others like nothing happened. To be fair it wasn’t a weird occurrence in Felix and Chan’s
relationship, Felix was always needy that way and, since he had been drunk with Chan just once or
twice in the past, his best friend knew it was one of his traits that got exacerbated when he had
alcohol running through his veins.

Felix turned his head to look towards Hyunjin, hoping to catch his gaze on them, but still he wasn’t
looking their way, which bothered Felix more than he thought it would. So he continued to hang on
to Chan, talking with him and the others but mostly just burying his face in Chan’s neck, basking in
his warmth and his touch. At some point Chan had taken out his phone to put on some music, his
playlist playing on shuffle in the background. Some members were vibing to the songs, singing and
laughing but when suddenly the first few notes of a very specific song started, everyone stopped,
looking up at Chan. Even Felix perked up, a big, childish smile on his face.

“Uh, Channie, why do you have Frozen in your playlist?” Changbin laughed mockingly.

“Because it’s a banger, obviously!” Felix exclaimed, almost jumping from Chan’s lap to get on his
feet, shaking his little body to the slow beat of the song.

Chan did the same, dancing with Felix randomly and laughing, the two of them mouthing the
words. But to Felix’s surprise they weren’t the only ones. Minho and Jisung had jumped to their
feet too, joining the two others in their little improvised choreography, all of them singing the
lyrics more or less successfully, but mostly laughing. When the chorus arrived, they all took a deep
breath in perfect synchronisation, the others watching them, amused.

“INTO THE UNKNOOOWN!” Felix, Chan, Jisung and Minho all repeated together, sounding
more like they were yelling than actually singing.

The members who were still sitting were laughing their asses off, plugging their fingers in their
ears at how loud and how bad they sounded but that didn’t stop any of them, shaking their bodies
and yelling “into the unknown” every time the chorus came back, like their lives depended on it.
Once the song ended they were all a little breathless and since the next song on Chan’s playlist
after that was basically a slow dance, Chan, Minho and Jisung started to make their way back to
the couch. But Felix wasn’t having any of it. He quickly grabbed Minho, pulling him into a firm
hug despite the other boy fighting back for a second, and started to sway and turn with Minho in
his arms like he was slow dancing with him, still hungry for any kind of contact the others accepted
to give him.

At first Minho’s arms were limp on his sides but he soon got into it, wrapping his arms around
Felix too, grabbing one of his hands to make him twirl at some point in the song, the two of them
laughing at their silly behavior, the other watching them, tears of laughter in their eyes. Changbin
had even taken out his phone to film the whole scene. Felix tried to glance towards Hyunjin to see
his reaction to all that, but the boy was laughing like the others, looking towards Changbin instead,
not even paying him any mind. As the end of the song approached, Minho made Felix twirl again
and when he was back in his arms, he dipped him, offering him a wink as he did. Felix giggled and
blew Minho a kiss in return. To which Minho suddenly let go of him with a “eww”, laughing.
Felix, who was suspended in the air by Minho’s arms, fell to the floor as soon as the other boy let
go of him, a loud ‘thud’ echoing in the room as his bottom hit the wooden flooring.

“Let me here, I'm good!” Felix exclaimed, raising a hand in the air before Chan or Seungmin could
get up to check if he was alright, chuckling.

Slightly panting from his antics during the Frozen song followed by his little slow dance with
Minho, Felix leaned towards the floor, letting his back hit it, raising both his arms to put them
under his head so he could still see the other members and be comfortable despite laying on the
floor. Raising his arms caused his shirt to ride up on his stomach without him realizing it, revealing
his extremely well defined abs, that clashed with his small frame and the overall soft and fragile
vibe he gave off. Jeongin whistled between his teeth, everyone’s eyes turning in the same direction.

“What the fuck bro!?” Jisung exclaimed, pointing at Felix’s abs.

“My thoughts exactly!” Changbin erupted in laughter, just as surprised.

Felix raised an eyebrow, not understanding what they were talking about at first, but following
their gaze and looking down at himself, he laughed. I.N crawled towards him extending his hand
and Felix, with a giggle, flexed his abs before the younger boy could poke his stomach a few times
like he was trying to confirm Felix’s abs were the real deal. Once he was satisfied, he crawled back
to his spot, Felix pulling his shirt back down.

“Taekwondo.” he simply explained with a little chuckle.

“So, under all this cuteness..” Jisung started, gesturing at Felix’s face.

“There's a secret killing machine!” Changbin exclaimed, finishing Jisung’s sentence for him.

“Something like that.” Felix laughed brightly, shaking his head before hoisting himself up to sit
instead of lay down on the ground.

“So, in the end, you would be the one mandhandling me uh..” Minho suddenly announced with a
little smirk at Felix who giggled, offering him a little shrug.

“Manhan-...” Changbin asked, looking between the two, a look of pure shock on his face. Looking
around Felix realized they all had that look, except for Hyunjin and Jisung who both looked
passably annoyed by the comment.

“Don’t ask!” Felix laughed, shaking his head, amused at the idea of what might be going through
all their minds.

“Felix.. What have you been doing while I wasn’t around..?” Chan asked, raising an eyebrow at
Felix.

“Oh, come on, you know me!” Felix pointed out, surprised that even Chan would have the wrong
idea, but still giggling at the thought.

“Well yeah, exactly.. I know how kinky you are!” Chan blurted out, probably without realizing
what was gonna come out of his mouth because as soon as it was out, he slapped a hand on his
open mouth, his eyes wide.

“Christopher!” Felix yelled, not even embarrassed because of the quantity of alcohol in his veins,
but definitely outraged that his friend would let something like that out, grabbing the first thing he
could find, which was an empty can of beer, to throw it at Chan.

“T- That’s not what I meant!” Chan shook his arms towards the others after dodging the projectile.
But everyone was already intrigued, either chuckling or raising eyebrows at the idea of Felix being
a kinky boy.

Even Hyunjin who hadn’t looked at Felix once since this whole evening started was staring at him
now. He wasn’t laughing like the others though, looking between him and Chan, analyzing Felix,
probably wondering what Chan meant by that. Felix couldn’t guess what was going on in his mind.
Was he being jealous because Chan presumably knew “how kinky Felix was”? Was he turned on
at the idea of Felix being kinky? Not knowing was getting on Felix’s nerves, especially since the
boy quickly looked away again, not offering his attention to Felix anymore, focusing on Jeongin
next to him this time, pulling him closer and hugging him from behind, the younger squirming in
his arms to get away.

“Little Felix looks so innocent..” Changbin cooed, with a little smirk, probably amused by the idea
of what Chan just said.

“I AM innocent!” Felix exclaimed before turning towards Chan with a frown and a little pout. “I’m
never telling you anything again..” he grumbled in English.

Chan mouthed ‘sorry’ without actually saying it out loud, with a little pout of his own and a shrug,
fluttering his eyelashes at Felix, probably trying to act cute to be forgotten. Felix was either too
drunk or loved Chan too much to be mad at him anyway, but he stuck his tongue out at him like a
child, crossing his arms on his chest, looking away from his best friend. When Chan extended his
arm, probably to grab Felix and cuddle him as an apology, Felix quickly crawled away with a
giggle, instead making his way to the other side of the couch, sitting next to Seungmin. Under
Chan’s glare, who opened his mouth wide, faking to be offended, Felix wrapped his little hands
around Seungmin’s arm, putting his pink head on his shoulder, sticking his tongue out at his best
friend once more.
“Leave him alone, that’s none of our business” Seungmin softly chuckled, giving a little head pat
to Felix.

“Thank you!” Felix responded, kissing Seungmin’s cheek quickly before getting back in his initial
position, his head on his shoulder.

“But what are we supposed to do if we can’t even bully the newcomer, uh?” Jisung asked
teasingly.

“Truth or Dare!?” Hyunjin suddenly exclaimed.

“What are you, a 12 year old girl?” Minho retorted, raising an eyebrow, Hyunjin rolling his eyes at
him with a pout in response.

“Never Have I Ever?” Jisung offered instead.

“Oh, that’s gonna be good!” Changbin excitedly said, rubbing his hands together like he was
already expecting something good and juicy to happen.

“Don’t you think you drank enough already?” Chan chuckled softly, his ‘dad-mode’ never turning
off, even when he was tipsy.

“I have to agree with Channie on that one..” Seungmin nodded, just like Chan he was a little less
drunk than the others and wanted to take care of them all even with the alcohol running through his
veins.

“Oh come on, don’t be party poopers!” Jisung shook his head, waving his hand to dismiss their
comments. “Felix! Go get more booze!” he then exclaimed in a booming voice, getting on his feet
and pointing towards the kitchen.

“Yes, Sir!” Felix yelled back, jumping to his feet and even offering Jisung a little salute before
cutely jogging away with a high pitch giggle to do as he was told.

In the kitchen Felix easily found more bottles and cans in the fridge, taking everything out and
setting it onto the table. He quickly picked up a piece of brownie that was still in a plate on the
table, throwing it in his mouth and munching happily on it while he started to rummage through
the cupboard to find snacks. He was starving despite all the pizza they ate earlier, one more effect
the alcohol had on him. Plus he was slightly irritated that Hyunjin had paid little to no attention to
him all evening and was determined to drown his feelings in more alcohol and more food. Usually
the boy couldn’t take his eyes and hands off of Felix, always acting jealous, always being needy
and flirty, always trying to touch and tease and turn him on. And now he was barely glancing his
way, not even looking or flinching when other members touched him, not even Chan. Felix didn’t
like that. As petty as it was, and even though he would never think that way when he was sober, he
wanted Hyunjin to be jealous. He wanted Hyunjin to look at him with a burning desire to take him
away from everyone, bring him back to their room and rip his clothes off of him. He wanted
Hyunjin to have his eyes and thoughts on him and nothing but him. But that wasn’t the case and he
didn’t like it. So alcohol, games, and cuddles with other members would do the trick to take his
mind off of that little annoyance.

After finding a couple of bags of chips in a cupboard, Felix got back to the table to collect
everything. His hands were absolutely full, he was holding all the bottles and cans in his arms,
squeezing them tightly against his chest so none would slip and fall to the ground. He had to stick
the bags of chips between his teeth to even be able to get them back to the living room. Once he
felt like his bounty was secured, he giggled at himself, making his way back, more hopping than
walking.

Arriving in the living room where everyone was debating and laughing and talking loudly between
each other, Felix almost tripped in his rush to hop back to the table. Everyone started to make a
move to get up and stop his fall, if he did fall. If it was to save the bottles or to save Felix himself,
that much wasn’t clear. But Felix managed to stay on his feet and with a bright laugh he started to
hop again in their direction, clearly having learned nothing from his near fall just a second before.
As carefully as he could he dropped the bottles and cans on the already messy table. Minho made
grabby hands his way, noticing the snacks so Felix threw a bag his way, hitting Jisung’s face - who
was behind Minho - instead. Felix laughed mouthing a ‘sorry’ while Minho grabbed his snacks
eagerly.

Despite their little beef before, Felix went straight to Chan once his hands were free. Chan
instinctively spread his legs so Felix could sit between them and Felix didn’t waste a second doing
exactly that with a little giggle. Chan quickly slid his strong arms under Felix’s arms, wrapping
them around his abdomen, putting his chin on Felix’s shoulder.

“You’re wasted..” Chan pointed out next to Felix’s ear.

“I’m fine Dad!” Felix giggled once more, proving that he definitely already had a little too much to
drink.

“Don’t you mean..’daddy’?” Chan asked teasingly before bursting into hysterical laughter, his face
buried in Felix’s shoulder as Felix slapped his friend’s thigh hard, the sound so loud it echoed in
the room.

“I’m really never telling you anything ever again! I hate you!” Felix exclaimed with a pout.

“You love me.” Chan countered, still chuckling but slowly calming down from his fit of laughter.

Chan softly pressed his lips against Felix’s neck since it was the part of his body that was closest to
him. It didn’t have the same effect on Felix as it would’ve if Hyunjin had done the same. Of course
he was still physically attracted to Chan, he was a gorgeous, very sexy man. But he didn’t have that
kind of sexual feelings towards him anymore and for Felix, anywhere Chan kissed him, it felt soft,
warm and brotherly, nothing more. But he loved the feeling nonetheless, letting his body lean
against Chan’s chest fully.

“I hate you..” he grumbled again, with his childish pout, even though they both knew he didn’t
believe a word of it.

“Get a room, you’re disguting!” Jeongin randomly yelled in their direction before laughing,
Changbin and Seungmin following.

“If you two lovebirds are done fighting, can we get to the game already!?” Jisung exclaimed,
clearly eager to get to it.

Chan gestured his hand like a ‘let’s go’ sign, to Jisung great pleasure, who reached for a bottle,
already filling everyone’s glass, spilling way too much booze on the table and the floor, a clear
sign that he was nowhere near sober enough to be in charge of this task. Looking around while
Jisung was giving everyone a glass, Felix finally realized that Hyunjin had moved from his spot on
the floor. He was now sitting between Changbin’s legs, the two of them in a very similar position
to Felix and Chan themselves, Changbin saying something in Hyunjin’s ear and Hyunjin laughing
genuinely, throwing his head back on Changbin’s shoulder, not even glancing or glaring at Felix
even though he was wrapped in Chan’s arms only a few steps away from him. That didn’t sit very
well with Felix whose grip got tighter around his now full glass, wishing he could just down the
whole thing right here and right now to forget the sight of the two of them like that.

“Let’s play!” Felix announced loudly, prying his eyes away from Hyunjin and Changbin, decided
to have fun without thinking about it. And if he could do everything in his power to make Hyunjin
jealous in the process, he would definitely gladly do so.

Everyone cheered at Felix’s announcement, clapping and yelling, everyone with their full glass in
their hands. They all looked at each other for a second, probably wondering who was going to start
things off when Jeongin suddenly raised a hand.

“Okay, I’ll start!” he joyfully exclaimed, way too excited by the prospect of that game. “Never
Have I Ever…”
 Never Have I Ever..

“Never Have I Ever… Had sex in this house!” Jeongin exclaimed, raising a challenging eyebrow
while looking around.

“Well I would hope so!” Seungmin exclaimed, like a horrified mom at the idea that I.N could even
have sex at all, despite the fact that he wasn’t a kid anymore.

“Come on.” he said, dismissing Seungmin’s comment with a wave of his hand. “I know some of
you did it, don’t cheat!” he pointed at the others.

The questions started with a bang and Felix knew he was in for a pretty crazy party of Never Have
I Ever if this was the very first question. Obviously he didn’t drink since he and Hyunjin didn’t go
that far yet and he had been in the house for a couple of days only. He looked around, curious to
see who would raise their glass to drink though. Seungmin, like Felix, didn’t drink. For some
reason Felix wasn’t surprised by that, Seungmin seemed like the responsible, calm and reserved
type. What surprised him most though was that Changbin didn’t drink either. Outside from them ,
everyone raised their glass, taking a swig. Jisung and Minho drinking was not a surprise to Felix,
obviously the two of them had sex together, this much was obvious. But both Chan and Hyunjin
drank too. Felix knew Chan was having sex with people, he wasn’t under some kind of delusion
that his best friend was a saint, but still it was weird for him to be faced with that fact like that. It
made just the tiniest tinge of jealousy rise in his chest. Not as much as seeing Hyunjin drink
though. The boy had told him he usually looked for physical relationships in the past, but still Felix
didn’t want to think about him with other people. And yet now all he could see in his mind was
Hyunjin having the time of his life, on the bed they now shared, with someone who wasn’t him.
And that didn’t sit well with him, at all.

His grip on his full glass tightened some more. If he gripped it even tighter than that the glass
would probably shatter between his fingers at this point, but Felix was itching to pour the alcohol
straight in his mouth to let the burn of it fog up his mind some more so he could drown the images
that were now stuck in his mind, driving him crazy.

“Channie!” Seungmin exclaimed.

Chan shrugged with a little sheepish smile, holding Felix tighter in his arms, burying his face in his
neck for a second before settling his chin on his friend’s shoulder once more, one of his hands
absently caressing Felix’s abdomen through his clothes. Chan probably wasn’t aware of the turmoil
going through Felix’s mind, but still he was doing exactly what Felix needed from him, calming
him down a little bit, Chan’s strong hold on him and his touch soothing him and making him feel
better. Felix turned his head to the side to kiss Chan’s cheek before leaning against his body some
more, the two of them pressed together so tightly they could’ve easily been one single entity.

Nobody seemed surprised by the fact that Hyunjin had had people over though, which was just one
more reason for Felix to feel jealous and slightly pissed off. How many times exactly did he bring
people at the house, in their room, to have sex that all the others seemed to be that unsurprised by
it? Felix let his head rest on Chan’s shoulder behind him with a sigh. Chan pressed his lips against
Felix’s cheek just as Felix had done to him a second ago, once more acting the exact way Felix
needed him to without even knowing it.

“My turn, I guess.” Seungmin announced. “Never Have I Ever.. Kissed any of the other members.”
he finished with a little knowing smirk, clearly proud of himself.
And Felix quickly understood why he was proud of himself when absolutely everyone in the room,
Felix included, brought their glass to their lips to take a sip. Felix had reacted automatically, not
thinking about the fact that he didn’t want to expose his relationship with Hyunjin by admitting in
front of everyone that the two of them had kissed. But since Hyunjin had drank too, maybe it was
getting a bit obvious to the others.

“Ouuhh.. Felix, Hyunjin.. Who?” Minho asked, his tone teasing like he wanted them to out
themselves.

Felix looked over at Hyunjin wondering what he was going to say, if he was flat out going to
announce that the two of them had indeed kissed or if he was going to deflect the question. What
he did say though, Felix couldn’t have predicted. Still not looking Felix’s way at all, Hyunjin
shrugged with a little chuckle before pointing his thumb behind him.

“I made out with Changbin.” he admitted, laughing.

“Wait, what!? When!?” Jisung exclaimed, eyes wide.

“At last Christmas’ party. There was a lot of alcohol and mistletoe involved.” Changbin exclaimed
in a chuckle. “I kissed Jeogin too!” he added, pointing at I.N who nodded, making a disgusted face
at the memory.

Minho looked Felix’s way with a little frown. Clearly it wasn’t the outcome he was waiting for
when he opened his mouth and maybe he was a little bit worried about Felix hearing about this
piece of information. Felix was, indeed, fuming on the inside, but he knew better than to show it on
the outside, offering a small smile to Minho before continuing to smile brightly, chuckling like the
others, like he wasn’t bothered at all.

“Felix?” Jisung asked, raising an eyebrow, probably wondering if he was going to say Hyunjin’s
name even though Hyunjin picked someone else.

“I kissed Chan.” Felix answered, blankly, pointing behind him at Chan. He didn’t even think about
the fact that Chan wasn’t supposed to know this little piece of information. “But he was asleep, so
that might not count..” he chuckled, tilting his head.

He was expecting Chan to react, be surprised or shocked, at least say something, but Chan didn’t
even bat an eye, still holding Felix close to him.

“I’m more surprised about Channie than anybody else! I don’t remember you ever making out with
any of us!” Changbin exclaimed.

Chan shrugged, like he wasn’t going to give a straight answer to anyone, a little smirk on the
corner of his lips as his fingers were playing with the fabric of Felix’s shirt on his abdomen.

“Well that wasn’t me.” Minho raised a hand.

“Not me either.” Seungmin and Jisung both did the same.

“No way it was me.” Changbin shook his head.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Hyunjin announced.

“Same here.” Jeongin added.

That only left Felix. But Felix would’ve remembered if Chan ever kissed him. After all it was the
one thing he dreamed of for years when they were younger. That was why, one night during a
sleepover between the two of them, after watching Chan sleep for a few minutes, Felix hadn’t been
able to contain himself and had very softly, very quickly pressed his lips against Chan’s before
turning the other way in a rush, burying his burning face in a pillow, unable to sleep for the rest of
the night, swearing to himself to never talk about it to his friend. A promise he had broken tonight
without even thinking about it, because his inhibitions had disappeared after his second or third
glass of alcohol and because he was too eager to throw the fact that he kissed Chan in Hyunjin’s
face after he, himself, admitted he had kissed Changbin. But nonetheless, Felix knew Chan never
kissed him. He turned his head slightly to watch Chan, the others all staring at the two of them too.

“I wasn’t asleep..” was all he said with a little shrug, that small smirk still on his lips.

“What!?” Felix exclaimed, his face getting bright red in just a second. “Why didn’t you say
anything!?” he then asked, slapping Chan’s thigh as hard as he could, the sound echoing in the
room. This only made Chan chuckle though.

“You were so red afterwards..” he said. “Kinda like that..” he pointed at Felix’s face, which was
indeed as red as it could be, laughing softly. “I didn’t want to embarass you any further.” he then
shrugged again.

“That's so cute..” Jeongin cooed with a little amused snort. “Felix had a crush on our great leader!”

“Or was it Chan who had a crush on Felix?” Changbin asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively,
making Seungmin next to him laugh, slapping his shoulder softly .

“Yeah I did.” both Felix and Chan announced in perfect unison.

Felix froze when Chan’s voice joined his own. It was no secret Felix was crushing hard on him
when they were younger. Back in the day he thought he was subtle with his feelings but thinking
back on it now, he knew how obvious he had been all along. But never once did he even suspect
that his feelings could’ve been reciprocated by his best friend. Things would have been a lot
different had it been the case.

Jeongin, Changbin and Jisung started to laugh loudly, clapping in their hands, clearly entertained
and amused by this plot twist. Seungmin was softly chuckling, if a bit surprised. Minho was now
watching Hyunjin the same way he had been eyeing Felix a moment before, probably concerned
for the both of them because of the way the events were starting to turn. Hyunjin wasn’t laughing,
looking at his feet for a second before placing a smile on his lips once more, finally looking up,
playing with Changbin hands between his long fingers, avoiding to look in Felix’s direction
altogether.

“Moving on!” Chan exclaimed with a sheepish laugh, his cheeks just slightly pink. “Never Have I
Ever.. Stolen anything from any of you.”

While the others were drinking, or not, based on whether they had stolen something from one
another at some point or not, Felix turned his head towards Chan again, still leaning on him, with
his strong arms around his body.

“You’re an idiot..” he announced softly, for only Chan to hear even though it was in their native
tongue, sounding a little childish with that pout on his lips. He couldn’t help but think about how
different things would’ve been if Chan had admitted his feelings to Felix back in the day.

“I know I am..” Chan nodded, lifting his hand to push Felix’s strands away from his face with a
little smile. “I know. he repeated hugging his best friend tight. “I’m sorry, alright?” he finished,
dropping a kiss on Felix’s jaw with that smile that Felix loved so much.

It felt like Chan was admitting he knew he had made a mistake not telling Felix back then, like he
was fully aware of what he had missed by keeping it a secret. But Felix didn’t want to believe that,
because it would lead to tons of regrets about things that could’ve happened but didn’t. Their
relationship was perfect the way it was now, they were brothers and despite not ending up together
that way, they were still soulmates in Felix’s heart so it was useless to ponder and get hung up on
what might’ve been. So he pouted some more just for effect before leaning to kiss the tip of Chan’s
nose, just because it was the closest part of him he could reach and with a little roll of his eyes and
a giggle, he offered him the bright, warm smile he always reserved for him and him only.

“BETRAYAL!” Jisung yelled at the top of his lungs, getting up on the couch and towering over
everybody but clearly wobbling on his feet, pointing at Seungmin.

Since Felix had been focused on his little exchange with Chan he hadn’t listened to what was
happening in the rest of the room, but from Jisung’s reaction it was safe to assume that Seungmin
must have stolen something from him.

“But it’s a really nice pen! And you never even use it, why do you care!?” Seungmin retorted with
a pout.

“Yeah but.. Oh.. Well yeah that’s true. Alright then.” Jisung passed from yelling in seeming anger
to being totally unbothered and sitting back down in a matter of seconds when he realized that
Seungmin was stating the truth, which was hilarious to Felix who giggled at the whole scene.

“I still want you to give me my hoodie back, I’ve been looking everywhere for it!” Hyunjin said,
poking Jeongin with the tip of his foot.

“I can’t.. I stained it..” I.N admitted, quickly passing from feigning guilt to bursting into loud
laughter when Hyunjin's expression fell, his mouth and eyes opening wide in pure shock and
horror.

Hyunjin started to get up but Changbin, whose arms were wrapped around Hyunjin, tightened his
grip on him, forcing him to stay seated and unmoving, Hyunjin fighting back, using his long legs to
try and kick Jeongin who was crawling a few steps further to avoid being hit.

“Let me go, I’m gonna kill the little shit!” Hyunjin exclaimed in a high pitch, as dramatic as ever,
flailing in Changbin’s arms for a second before going limp, probably having exhausted himself by
acting so dramatically out of the blue. “You owe me Iced Americanos for a month!” he still said,
pointing his finger at I.N, trying to look threatening with his little frown and pout, even though his
expression only ended up making everybody laugh, especially Jeongin himself. “Binnie, I’m being
bullied..” he pouted even more, sounding like a child, letting his head fall on Changbin’s shoulder
behind him.

Changbin raised a hand, stroking Hyunjin’s hair with a little amused smile, shushing him like he
was trying to calm a crying child or an enraged animal, still holding him tight with his other arm.
Felix wanted to laugh with the others but between everything he heard about Hyunjin and his close
position with Changbin, he couldn’t bring himself to, feeling only burning jealousy. Still he
plastered a smile on his face, feigning to look at the scene but actually looking away from it, but
that was the best he could do in that situation.
The game of Never Have I Ever continued for a while after that, until all the boys were too drunk
to even be able to think clearly enough to answer the questions. Then they simply continued to
loudly talk and laugh and bicker. At some point Jisung and Jeongin decided to get on the table and
bless them all with a private improvised concert, which ended up being the two of them yelling
random lyrics in freestyle instead of actually singing anything good. Despite the chaos and noise
Seungmin managed to fall asleep in his little corner of the couch. Minho was calm and silent,
simply chuckling and softly laughing at whatever was happening around. Changbin and Hyunjin
were still pressed against one another, Changbin cuddling Hyunjin while the other boy was loudly
laughing, his arms flying in the air every time he found something funny, being dramatic to the
maximum. Felix had switched from being between Chan’s legs to sit straight on his lap, clinging to
him like he was his life line, looking more like a baby koala than a human, wrapped around his
best friend who was stroking his back and his hair absently, laughing and chuckling at the mayhem
caused by the others.

After a while though, the amount of alcohol they all ingurgitated started to catch up with them.
Jeongin was laying on the ground, half asleep, half complaining that he wasn’t feeling good, Jisung
had exhausted himself by being loud and excited and was now limp on the couch, a gap between
Minho and him. Changbin was slowly starting to fall asleep, leaning against Seungmin that was
still fast asleep himself. Hyunjin had disappeared to go to the bathroom while Chan was still
cuddling Felix. Felix, who was absolutely hammered, couldn’t take out the images of Hyunjin with
other people, of Hyunjin with Changbin out of his mind despite the whole fun evening and the tons
of alcohol in his system. He leaned to grab a half-full glass on the table, hoping to fog up his mind
some more, but slipped once the drink was between his fingers, throwing the glass on himself by
inadvertence, the liquid soaking his shirt and slowly dripping on his pants.

“Shit!” he grumbled, getting up from Chan so the alcohol wouldn’t drip on him too, even though he
could barely stand up on his own.

“Go change before it starts to get sticky.. I think it’s time to go to bed for everyone anyway.” Chan
announced, getting up too, switching between English and Korean, naturally, mid-sentence.

Jisung, Minho and Changbin nodded. Changbin softly woke up Seungmin before getting up and
leaning to grab Jeongin in his arms, the younger boy in too rough a shape to argue. Minho
supported Jisung’s weight as they both got up even though Jisung didn’t look too cooperative with
Minho trying to help him. Rubbing his eyes, Seungmin got up too. All of them left the messy room,
slowly going back to their own rooms for the night.

“We’ll clean in the morning. Go change, drink some water and go to bed..” Chan softly said to
Felix, patting his head with a small smile. Felix nodded and the two of them went up the stairs
together, separating after a warm hug in the middle of the corridor upstairs, each of them going a
different direction to their rooms.

Felix’s room was still empty when he got to it, Hyunjin probably still being in the bathroom. He
didn’t waste any time slipping out of his shirt and his pants, standing in the middle of the room in
his black boxers, rummaging through his backpack for something to wear to bed, swaying on the
spot because he couldn’t steady himself with so much alcohol in his veins.

“What are you doing?” Hyunjin’s voice suddenly echoed in the room, the door closing behind him.
He was slightly slurring his words because of the alcohol.

“Why do you care?” Felix asked, he sounded childish and was slurring his words just as much as
Hyunjin, turning his way, crossing his arms on his naked chest.
“Wha..” Hyunjin started with a deep frown but was quickly cut off by Felix’s voice.

“Why don’t you want me?” he asked suddenly, his words slipping out of his mouth with absolutely
no filter whatsoever anymore. He walked to Hyunjin, his hands hooking themselves instantly to
Hyunjin’s belt, trying clumsily to unbuckle it.

His mind was completely blank outside from the visceral jealousy he had been feeling all evening.
He didn’t know what he was doing, his instincts taking over, he just wanted proof that Hyunjin
wanted him and nobody else. He was desperate for his touch, for a reminder that the boy actually
wanted him, to be held in his arms all night long. He was mad at him, he was angry and images of
Hyunjin pleasuring other people, sliding his tongue in Changbin’s mouth were popping in his mind
again and again, he just wanted to find a way to shut them all out, he wanted Hyunjin to make him
forget. But Hyunjin grabbed his wrist, prying them away from his belt.

“Stop it, what are you doing!?” he exclaimed.

“Why don’t you want to fuck me!?” Felix retorted angrily, hurt and frustrated that Hyunjin
rejected him that way. But in his drunk brain, it was clear why. “It’s because I’m not like
Changbin uh? I’m not hot enough for you to want to do me?” he spit out.

“You’re one to talk!” Hyunjin snorted vehemently, taking a step back, letting go of Felix’s hands.
“Grinding on Chan all night, you were basically begging for him to take you!” he blurted out,
between his teeth. “Having everyone’s hands on you all night, you didn’t even care if I was there
or not!”

“You weren’t even looking at me, don’t act like you care!” Felix pointed out, his features and
voice angry, just as Hyunjin. “You were eager to be all over Changbin though! You probably wish
you could fuck him instead of me!”

“And you probably want to sneak in Chan’s room, begging for him to fill you up!”

“Maybe I should since you clearly don’t want to do it!” Felix spit out.

“And maybe I should go to Changbin since you clearly want someone else!” Hyunjin snarled in
the same tone.

“Fine!”

“Whatever!”

The two stared vehemently at each other for a second, neither backing down until Felix grabbed
his pyjama that he had taken out of his bag, gripping the fabric tight in his fist and rushing to the
door, storming out of the room so he wouldn’t have to be in the same space as Hyunjin anymore.
They would never have said the things they did had they been sober, the whole thing was very
childish and could have been resolved peacefully. But in the state they were both in, they definitely
did not have the mental capacity to think that way, preferring to be petty and mean to each other.
Of course Felix wasn’t going to go to Chan’s room just to spite Hyunjin, even with all the alcohol
clouding his judgment. Instead he angrily stomped towards the stairs, going down, determined to
sleep on the couch just to avoid the other boy.

Felix was still fuming when he arrived in the living room. He was surprised to see he wasn’t the
only one there though. Sitting on the couch, head between his hands, was Minho. Felix walked to
the couch, letting himself fall next to him, his head falling on his shoulder instinctively in silence.
“Jisung?” he asked and Minho nodded without a word.

“Hyunjin?” he asked in return, Felix nodding his response just like he did.

The two of them didn’t even need more explanation than that. Being in a similar situation they
could easily imagine why the other one ended up on the couch instead of their respective rooms.
Minho tilted his head to the side to rest his cheek on the top of Felix’s head, the two of them simply
staring at the floor in pure silence for a few seconds.

“Mind if we share the couch?” Felix asked after a little while.

As a response Minho moved further on the couch, so he could lay on it instead of simply being in a
seated position. He extended his arms to grab Felix and pull him closer, the smaller boy laying
next to him, Minho’s arms falling around him naturally. Once more they stayed there without
talking but neither of them was asleep, both of their breathing still loud in the quiet room.

“You okay?” Felix asked softly, slurring the words.

A soft “umm” came from Minho’s lips as a positive response, the only thing he said for a little
while, his arms imperceptibly tightening around Felix for a second.

“You?” Minho finally asked.

Felix shrugged. He wasn’t okay, but he was too angry against Hyunjin right now to feel sad or hurt
about the way he had been rejected or the way Hyunjin had ignored him all night or even feel
foolish about his own behavior, horrified, by the things he said. He was mad and that was it. The
images of him with other people were nagging him, reminding him that Hyunjin slept with them but
refused to have sex with him despite the multiple chances he had to do exactly that. Minho hugged
him tighter, positioning his face in Felix’s neck with a little sigh.

There was nothing else to add for either of them, they both knew how much the situation sucked for
one another, and they both knew better than anyone else how the other one was feeling right now.
So they simply laid there, in each other's arms, their breathing the only sound in the empty, dark
room. At least it was comforting to know they wouldn’t spend the night alone despite everything.
Maybe it wasn’t the same, but at least tonight they had each other.
 Why Is It So Hard?
Chapter Notes

Okay so, fair warning it's a pretty long chapter! But I have a lot of things to celebrate
with the uploading of this chapter so I think it's fitting!

First, we made it to Chapter 30! Going on that long with all of you still hanging around
is nothing short of a miracle honestly! We also reached 100k words on the story as
well as 1k hits and 500+ kudos which I'm still not processing and for which I'm
forever grateful, you crazy people~ ♥

This upload is coming way earlier than usual, because for the next few days I'm going
to have a LOT of work and it's going to be harder to update daily. I will do my best to
keep up the pace but I can't promise anything! So, I'm putting this chapter up early so I
can work as much as possible and have some free time to write the next chapter so I
can upload it in time! I hope you don't mind~

Thanks again SO MUCH for all your support; for coming to talk to me on Twitter, for
all your comments and for sticking around so long for God knows why! I love y'all so
much seriously ♥

The silence in the room was almost deafening for Felix, whose drunken mind was whirling and
turning and in no way shutting down to let him sleep. He was warm and cozy in Minho’s arms,
feeling safe, even despite the events of the night and the weight in his chest, but he was still too
drunk, too hyper and thinking too much to actually drift into dreamland. Minho’s breath in his neck
wasn’t slow and steady, a sign that he probably wasn’t asleep either but the other boy was so silent
and so still that Felix couldn’t be sure.

“Do you think there’s still cabs at this time?” Minho’s voice echoed suddenly in the room, startling
Felix.

The question should’ve seemed weird and extremely random, but Felix understood instantly where
Minho was going with it. Maybe drunken brains were working on the same wavelength or maybe
Minho and Felix were too alike in some aspects, their train of thoughts going in the same direction.
No matter the reason Felix knew what Minho had in mind and, his drunken self was totally on
board with it.

Sliding out of Minho’s arms and managing to get on his feet without toppling over, by some kind
of miracle, Felix extended his hand to Minho, wiggling his fingers with a smile.

“Let’s find out, shall we?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows too.

Minho grabbed Felix’s hand with a little giggle, Felix pulling him up off the couch. He took a step
back and tripped on the coffee table behind him, almost falling over, empty cans falling to the
ground, the noise sounding deafening. But Minho grabbed Felix’s hips and steadied him, laughing
in a way that was probably supposed to be quiet but, with how drunk he was, definitely wasn’t as
discreet as he meant it to be. He put a finger to his lips, throwing a loud “shhh” in Felix’s direction
who was giggling probably as discreetly as Minho was.
Minho grabbed Felix’s hand, leading him through the living room and towards the entrance,
neither of them going very straight, his phone in his other hand flashing a bright light in his face.
He was probably trying to check the Kakao Taxi app to try and get a cab. They both felt better,
their mood lifting up just at the idea of doing what they had in mind instead of staying at home,
cuddling on the couch like two sad cats awaiting their owners. Clearly neither of them took into
consideration that going out in their inebriated state wasn’t the best idea, putting on their shoes,
making way too much noise and shushing each other, laughing at themselves. It was a miracle that
they didn’t wake anybody and that nobody came to stop them before they actually set foot outside.

The house didn’t stay silent and calm for very long after Felix and Minho snuck out and hopped on
a cab without warning anybody. Less than three hours after their fight, Hyunjin was storming out of
his room to go find Felix. He hadn’t gone to Changbin like he had said he would, even drunk he
wouldn’t have done something like that to Felix. Maybe the old him would have, since physical
intimacy was all he knew and the best way he had to forget everything back then. But nothing, not
even alcohol, could make him forget his feelings for Felix. With that being said, he was absolutely
distraught at the idea that Felix did exactly what he said he would on his end. Once Felix had left
the room, Hyunjin was absolutely fuming, trying to go to bed, to sleep, to forget all about it. But he
ended up turning and tossing, throwing his blanket away, images of Felix and Chan filling his
mind, imagining his Felix moaning for Chan the way he had done for him when his fingers were
on his skin.

Hyunjin had been a fool. He should’ve made Felix his when he had the chance. He should’ve laid
him on the bed, covered his soft, smooth skin with kisses and buried himself in him until they were
one. He had wanted to wait, for Felix’s sake. For his own sake. He had wanted to wait because he
was scared. He had wanted to wait because he wanted this relationship to be real, to be different.
He didn’t want it to be just sex, like everything had been for him before. He had thought that,
maybe, if he let himself go, if he listened to his urges and made Felix his, then Felix would change
his mind, finding no reason to stay with him now that he had experienced the best and only thing
Hyunjin was useful for. He had been scared, and what good had it done? Now the man that was
slowly becoming everything to him was between the arms, between the sheets of another, moaning,
arching his back, panting and whispering the name of someone else.

The thought of it had angered him at first, as he laid in his bed, trying to sleep. Then, staring at the
ceiling, it had pained him deeply and after losing himself in his thoughts, burying his face in his
pillow in hope that it would magically ease his problems, he had come to the conclusion that no, no
matter what, he wouldn’t lose Felix to Chan. Maybe it was too late since he had been turning and
tossing in bed for hours, but he needed to at least do something. The alcohol had worn off at this
point and he was feeling absolutely awful, his hangover affecting him almost as much as the
thought of Felix out of his life did. But despite how sick to his stomach he felt, he got up in a rush,
leaving his room and walking towards Chan’s door with an infallible determination.

He suddenly stormed into the room, not taking the time to knock, not thinking about the fact that
he would not only bother Chan and Felix but Seungmin too. He didn’t know what he was going to
find on the other side of the door, whether Chan and Felix would be asleep in each other’s arms or
if, under the cover, discreetly, they would still be exchanging kisses and so much more, their hands
dancing on each other’s skin.

At the sound of the door slamming open, the light from the corridor pouring into the room as
Hyunjin stood there in the doorframe, Seungmin woke up, looked towards Hyunjin and before
burying his face back in his pillow like nothing happened. Chan had a very different reaction. He
was fast asleep indeed when Hyunjin walked in, but as soon as he heard the door, it was like a
switch turned on and he was sitting on his bed, fully awake, ready to deal with whatever problem
there was. Like a father always on high alert in case any of his kids got into trouble. And more
importantly, he was alone in his bed. No Felix.

“What’s wrong?” Chan asked, his voice raw from sleep and low not to disturb Seungmin but still
sounding worried as he blinked a few times, trying to chase the sleep from his eyes.

Chan got up from bed, walking towards Hyunjin and grabbing his arm gently to lead them both
back in the corridor, quickly closing the door behind them so Seungmin could go back to sleep
without any more disturbance. Taking a few steps in the corridor, Chan finally stopped, looking at
Hyunjin.

“So, what’s the problem?” Chan asked, still this edge of worry in his voice. He really did worry for
them all the time, no matter what.

His brain wasn’t working at full capacity because of the hangover but the drunken fog was lifted
and he could finally realize how foolish he was. Chan, Bang Chan, their wonderful leader, his
friend, his savior and guardian angel. He would never do something that could hurt Hyunjin,
would he? Sure he didn’t know about Felix and Hyunjin, but surely he had his suspicions about it.
Hyunjin knew for sure that all the others did, so why not him too? The fact that Felix wasn’t in bed
with him was proof that nothing happened between the two of them and that was only after
witnessing this with his own eyes that Hyunjin realized how heavy the weight that was pressing on
his heart since his fight with Felix had been. A weight that had been lifted instantly when he found
Chan alone in bed. That alone didn’t solve the problem, didn’t erase the fight, the awful things they
said to each other and the visceral fear Hyunjin was feeling that he might have ruined things
beyond repair, but it was a light in the darkness. It meant Felix didn’t go to Chan like he said he
would. And that alone was enough to ease Hyunjin’s breathing and the furious beating of his heart.

“I was looking for Felix. Where is he?” he still asked nonetheless, a little dazed. He hadn’t thought
of a scenario where Felix wasn’t with Chan.

“You’re the one sharing a room with him, why are you asking me?” Chan asked, relieved for a
second that nothing was actually wrong, rubbing his eyes.

“We.. kinda had a fight..” Hyunjin admitted, looking down like a child caught doing a bad thing.
“He left the room and said he was going to.. join you. But clearly he didn’t. Maybe he’s
downstairs.” Hyunjin shrugged, feeling foolish to have stormed into Chan’s room now.

“Are we partying in the corridor now?” Jisung’s voice echoed in the hallway as he appeared from
the staircase, coming from downstairs.

“What are you doing up too?” Chan sighed loudly, wondering why his kids couldn’t simply
behave, his head pounding from the hangover and the lack of sleep.

“Minho and I fought. He said he was gonna sleep on the couch so I was going to go fetch him so he
wouldn’t catch a cold downstairs..” Jisung shrugged with a little bothered pout on his lips.

“What is it with you all fighting?” Chan asked, sounding more like an annoyed, disappointed father
than ever before. Jisung and Hyunjin both looked down at their feet like they were being scolded.
“I take it he told you to go screw yourself, since you’re coming back alone?” he sighed once more,
gesturing towards Jisung.

“No.. He wasn’t down there..” Jisung explained, pouting some more, clearly confused by his
discovery.
“..Wha- Did you see Felix downstairs then?” Chan quickly asked, once more on high alert.

“There was nobody..” Jisung shook his head.

“You.. “ Chan stopped himself, taking a deep breath through his nose. He was clearly panicked and
angry now. “You mean to tell me that two of the kids are nowhere to be found in this house? Two
VERY DRUNK kids are NOT in the house?” he said through gritted teeth, his tone getting more
high pitched as he went on, putting an emphasis on some of his words to show how distressing the
situation was.

Maybe it was because of the hangover, or the fact that it was very early in the morning and neither
of them had had any sleep, but the realization of what Chan was insinuating seemed to hit them
both at the same time, just right here and then. Both of them looked at each other and then at Chan
with wide eyes.

“You don’t think..” Hyunjin started.

“They wouldn’t..” Jisung tried to say at the same time.

“Sneak out of the house? What do you think!?” Chan asked, every so slightly raising his tone. But
he didn’t want to wake the others and he didn’t want to scream at Jisung and Hyunjin either, that
wasn’t the type of person he was. But right now he was out of his mind with worry. “Downstairs,
now.” he commanded, pointing at the staircase.

Hyunjin and Jisung didn't protest, making their way down the stairs immediately, both getting
worried now that the idea of Minho and Felix, completely drunk, running around on their own in
the dark streets, was sinking in. Chan got back into his room to fetch his phone, already dialing
Felix’s number as he walked down the stairs, trying Minho’s instantly after when Felix failed to
answer. When he got to the living room, Minho hadn’t picked up either.

Jisung and Hyunjin were both seated next to each other on the couch when Chan entered, shoving
his phone in the pocket of his sweatpants with one more loud sigh. He wasn’t one to imagine the
worst scenarios but knowing that two of his kids were blackout drunk outside of the house and had
probably been for a while now, was concerning to say the least. He was trying to rationalize,
reminding himself that Minho was older, and had a more calm personality while drunk, compared
to Felix. He tried to tell himself the two were adults and smart enough not to get into trouble even
with the alcohol in their veins. But the fact that neither of them was picking up their phones and
that nobody knew at what time they actually left the house was worrisome. And it was his job to
worry about them all.

“You’re supposed to look after one another, how did that even happen?” Chan asked the two other
boys.

It was indeed his job to worry about them, to take care of them, but if there was one thing Chan
was proud of when it came to his team, to his kids, it was the fact that they all looked after one
another. They all, in one way, shape or form, had had a rough life, and needed a family. Now that
they had found said family, they were very fierce when it came to protecting them, making sure
nothing would ever happen to them. Even when he wasn’t around, there was always one person
able to look after another. No kid was ever left to fend for himself in this family. And it was no
secret that the people most in charge of taking care of each other were the ones who were
roommates. Changbin was always keeping a closer eye on Jeongin than any of the others and,
naturally, it should’ve been the same for Jisung and Minho, especially given their circumstances,
and for Hyunjin and Felix. Because sharing a room allowed them to get closer to one another in a
way that couldn’t be exactly replicated with the other members, forming a special bond. So that
Jisung and Hyunjin managed to lose Minho and Felix in the middle of the night was baffling to
Chan.

Thinking rationally, he knew it wasn’t completely their fault. The boys couldn’t have predicted that
Minho and Felix would randomly decide to sneak out of the house in their state. But still Chan was
worried sick, and mad and the only people in front of him he could blame right now were Jisung
and Hyunjin themselves.Crossing his arms on his chest he waited for them to say something,
anything, but they didn’t, looking at their feet, seeming equal part worried and guilty.

“What did you do, uh? Why were you all fighting in the first place?” he asked.

Hyunjin and Jisung both looked at each other. They probably both knew what had happened. After
all it hadn’t escaped Hyunjin’s notice that Jisung had been as jealous as him when they found
Minho and Felix together the morning before, and that he had been colder, more distant with his
partner ever since. And Hyunjin made no secret of his jealousy, his face as easily readable as a
book everytime Felix was around, so clearly Jisung knew how the other boy felt too. But to
announce that to Chan? Neither wanted to risk it.

Chan was fully aware of Jisung and Minho’s relationship but Jisung simply felt foolish about his
jealous behavior. He had acted like a real child with Minho, pushing his buttons and trying to rile
him up on purpose and he wasn’t proud of it. Hyunjin didn’t want to bring the situation up because
he knew Felix was on the fence with being open with their relationship and so was he. He wanted
to keep it between them just because he didn’t want anyone to ruin it for him and it seemed to him
like the less people knew, the safer it was. And, in a way, he liked the fact that it was a thing that
only Felix and him shared, a secret. A very obvious secret that everyone could probably see
through, but a secret nonetheless.

Chan was slowly losing patience, and was about to speak up once more. He wasn’t one to pry into
the other members’ business when he could help it, he prided himself on being good at waiting for
people to come to him with their problems instead of trying to force the information out of them.
But the situation was special. Fortunately for the two other boys, they were saved by the gong. Or
rather, by the ringing of Chan’s phone in his pocket.

Chan had never moved as quickly as he did when he fished out his phone and pressed it to his ear
after briefly seeing Minho’s name on his screen.

“What do you want?” Minho’s voice complained on the other side of the phone. His voice was
slightly muffled, he was slurring his words ever so slightly and sounded like he had just been
woken up.

“Where are you!?” Chan exclaimed quickly, Jisung and Hyunjin looking up at him, hanging on his
every word, wanting to know the answer as much as he did.

“Umm..” Minho hummed through the phone. “Hey Felix?” he then exclaimed, clearly the words
weren’t meant for Chan but he could still hear everything happening on the other side. He let out a
sigh of relief knowing that Felix was indeed with Minho. There was a bit of shuffling on the other
side of the phone and very faintly Chan could hear Felix mumble something like “leave me alone”
and then Minho was giggling and Felix was groaning throwing a muffled ‘I will bite you!’
Minho’s way. “Hey Felix?” Minho asked again after a second, a deep, muffled “umm” coming
from the other. “Where are we?”

~
Felix and Minho had asked the driver to make one stop, and one stop only on their way to their
destination. They didn’t need to wander around, they knew exactly where they wanted to go, but
before going there they needed important supplies. So first, they stopped at an ‘open 24/7’ grocery
store, wandering the aisles, giggling and wobbling until their arms were absolutely filled with the
things they came to buy. Tons and tons of candies and snacks, that they sprawled on their laps and
on the seats of the cab once they were back into it, en route to their final destination.

When they arrived the place was pitch black and empty. Of course it was, since it was nearing four
in the morning at this point. Fortunately the lobby was always open and Minho had the keys to go
further in. So with their bounty in their arms, they joyfully hopped inside, almost getting lost
despite only having to turn a few corners until they found the right door, that Minho opened with
his set of keys.

They had joked around a lot during their trip there, had been in a good mood, almost forgetting
why they were even out, in the middle of the night, drunk. But being in the place they set
themselves out to go to, suddenly changed the mood. They had accomplished their goal, they had
reached what was supposed to be their safe haven for the night, the place that was supposed to
exempt them of all worries and bad thoughts. But the dark, silent room didn’t lift the weight from
Felix’s shoulders magically as he entered, despite what his drunken mind had imagined. So yes, he
was here, like he wanted to be, but he was still haunted by the sad thoughts that he had been trying
to escape. And he could see, by the change in Minho's features, that he was feeling the same way
Felix did.

Despite that, they both persisted for a while. Even in their drunken haze they knew dancing was
their way of exteriorizing their troubles. That was why they had decided to set out on an adventure
to the dance studio in the middle of the night. And that was also why, despite the fact that they
could barely stand up on their own without tumbling over, they still blasted out music in the room
and tried to dance. Failing miserably. Quickly enough the music became just a sound in the
background as they both set themselves on the floor with their candies and snacks, munching in
silence, both of them mulling over their issues in their own heads.

Felix didn’t know how much time had passed since they both lost themselves in their thoughts, but
at some point Minho just got up, a frown on his face and wobbled away. There was a large closet
at the far end of the room, usually used to store props or clothes for the people using the rooms.
This one was fairly empty at the exception of some junk here and there. At least it was empty until
Minho entered said closet, closing the door behind him. Felix stared at the door for a good minute,
loudly chewing on a piece of candy before he sighed, gathering as many snacks as he could in his
little arms, getting up and walking to the closet to join Minho there.

As expected the interior of the closet was filled with darkness once the door was closed. Minho
was sitting on the floor, his arms around his legs, his head on his knees, looking like a small ball.
Felix let himself slide against the wall until he hit the floor himself, scattering the snacks at his feet
messily. He didn’t say anything, simply put his head on Minho’s shoulder in silence. Sadly the
effect of the alcohol was slowly starting to wear off, the joy it brought disappearing with it. Felix
was sad. Really sad. But he knew Minho was too. And so he sat in silence, waiting for a sign that
either Minho wanted to talk, or that he had fallen asleep.

“He said.. I was wasting his time.” Minho simply whispered after a little while.

“Jisung did?” Felix asked softly, Minho nodding in the darkness.

“He said that if I’m hiding our.. If I’m hiding it..” he corrected himself, probably still not
comfortable saying ‘our relationship’ to Felix. “it’s because I don’t really care. That if I can spend
time flirting with you then I’ll probably find someone new to play with soon anyway..” he
continued, his face still buried in his knees.

“He didn’t mean it..” Felix breathed, wrapping his arm around Minho’s shoulders, wishing to be an
appeasing presence.

“He never acted like this before..” he sighed deeply. “ I don’t understand what’s gotten over him..
And this idea that he has that I’m flirting with you.. Why doesn’t he see that I..” once more he
stopped himself mid sentence, but Felix understood what he was thinking nonetheless.

“I’m the new guy..” Felix said softly. “It’s been just the seven of you for a while now, and Jisung
never had to be jealous of any of the others. Maybe he’s just scared now that you’re meeting
someone new that you’re going to want something different..” he continued, trying to be careful
with his phrasing, not to trigger Minho by saying things like ‘date someone new’ or anything he
wouldn’t feel comfortable expressing around Felix yet.

“Do you think he’s right? Do you think I’m.. wasting his time?” Minho asked, his voice even
quieter than before. Felix could hear the hurt in his tone and it was breaking his heart.

“I don’t.. know why you do the things you do. I don’t know your past or what you’ve gone
through..” Felix simply pointed out. “But.. Jisung knows you. And I think that if he really thought
you were wasting his time, he simply would’ve walked out. I think he really.. cares a lot about you.
I don’t believe for a second he meant a word of what he said to you tonight.. He was jealous, he
was probably a bit angry and very drunk. So was it stupid of him to say those things even though he
didn’t mean it? Yes, incredibly so. But in that state people do and say stupid stuff.. I should know.”
Felix finished with a sigh, gently stroking Minho’s back with the palm of his small hand.

“What happened?” Minho asked after a second, finally tilting his head to the side, still resting on
his knees but now turning towards Felix. “With Jinnie?”

“The short version?” Felix sighed loudly. “He told me to go fuck Chan, I told him to go fuck
Changbin. We agreed and I left.” he shrugged, looking down at his feet and the abandoned candies
and snacks resting all over the ground.

“How did it build up to that? You guys were all over each other in the staircase this morning..”
Minho inquired, curious but gentle.

“I..” he started before realizing he really had no idea how things could have gone so out of hand so
fast. “ Beats me..” he shrugged again. “He thought I was flirting with you too.. And he’s also really
jealous of Chan..” he sighed. “ And he ignored me all night, cozying up with Changbin, so that
pissed me off obviously.. And I just.. I get.. insecure, I guess..” he admitted, playing with the fabric
of his pants with the tip of his fingers to focus on anything but his feelings. “I know he says he gets
insecure too but.. Seriously, look at him and look at me..” he said, letting his own head fall on his
knees, just like Minho, tilting his head to face the other boy.

“I don’t think you see what he sees..” Minho simply stated, his voice soft and calm.

“I know what he sees..” Felix sighed for the umpteenth time, sounding defeated. “ A kid with no
experience in life or in love. A guy that isn’t nearly attractive enough for someone like him. A man
who never had as many.. conquest as he did..” he stopped himself, biting his lower lip, feeling sad,
embarrassed and most of all, inadequate.

“That’s not what he sees..” Minho refuted. “And I don’t think Jinnie cares about your conquests or
how many life experiences you have under your belt..” he shook his head softly. “He’s.. a sensitive
boy. He's a drama queen, a real pain in my ass and he always acts tough around everyone but.. He
feels, a lot and deeply.” he said, extending his arm to wrap it around Felix’s shoulders just as Felix
had done for him a minute ago. “Do you know.. that his face lights up every time you enter a
room?” he asked. “He thinks he’s so smooth, but whenever you’re concerned, his emotions are
written all over his face for everyone to see. He’s not like that with Changbin. He’s not like that
with anyone. It’s just you.” he shrugged.

Felix turned his head to bury his face between his knees, feeling foolish and sad and more than
anything feeling guilty and awful for the way he acted towards Hyunjin tonight. He had been
mean, petty, childish and probably had driven the man he wanted more than anything or anyone in
his life, away from him and towards someone else. Hyunjin was probably between Changbin’s
arms right this second, taking more pleasure under his hands, under his muscular body than he ever
could with Felix, despite what Minho was saying. Imagining Hyunjin moaning in someone else’s
arms, not giving him a second thought as he reached his peak, Felix wanted to cry, but he felt like
his body didn’t want to offer him even that kind of release. Maybe he didn’t deserve to ease his
sufferings by crying. Maybe he needed to bask in his hurt and his sadness as a punishment for
probably ruining everything.

“Why is it so hard?” he asked quietly.

“What is?” Minho asked, even though Felix knew he probably had the same thoughts he did
running through his mind.

“I don’t know.. Everything.. Feelings?”

“I can’t answer that..” Minho sighed silently.

“I’m just.. tired..” Felix’s voice was small and weak.

“Yeah.. Me too..” Minho echoed, not sounding better.

Felix didn’t remember anything after that. The two of them had cuddled together for a while, in
silence and then it was complete blackness. The next time Felix opened his eyes was because of
Minho’s voice echoing in the small, pitch black room, calling his name. Felix was sore
everywhere from falling asleep sitting on the floor, using Minho as a pillow.

“Leave me alone..” he grumbled, burying his face in Minho’s shoulder some more, not ready in the
slightest to face reality yet and feeling like a truck had rolled over him.

By the way he was feeling, he knew he hadn’t slept long and he was definitely experiencing a
heavy hangover. His stomach was turning and churning, he was nauseous and his head was aching
worse than ever before. His mouth and throat felt like parchment and when he tried to open his
eyes, his eyelids were so heavy he decided it was best to simply keep them closed. Minho giggled
next to him and started to poke his side, stabbing his finger between Felix’s ribs.

“I will bite you!” he threatened, brushing his hand away with his own.

“Hey Felix?” Minho called out again despite Felix’s warning. Felix hummed in response, simply
wanting to pass out so he wouldn’t have to face the day to come, or just so his head would stop
pounding like that. “Where are we?” Minho asked.

“Dance studio.” he mumbled, his face burried in Minho’s clothes on his shoulder. “Closet” he
added before prying himself from the other boy with difficulty, forcing his arms to move so he
could rub his eyes.

“Right..” Minho snapped his fingers like the information just came back to him. Felix glanced
towards him, he could barely see him through the darkness but from what he could make out, the
boy wasn’t faring any better than he did. He looked sick and tired. “We’re at the dance studio.” he
said.

Felix wondered why he was repeating it until he realized that Minho had his phone clutched to his
ear. He sighed. Reality was catching back to them quicker than he would’ve wanted it to. It
probably was either Jisung, Hyunjin or, maybe worse, Chan calling Minho after realizing they had
both disappeared.

“Okay. Bye.” Minho mumbled at the phone before hanging up, putting the device back in his
pocket, his head falling instantly back on his knees like he was ready to fall back asleep right now.

“What did he say?” Felix asked, not even bothering to inquire about who was on the other end of
the phone to begin with.

“I have no idea..” was all he said, both of them sighing loudly in unison.
 Don't Leave Me

“I’m coming to get you, don’t move!” Chan commanded Minho through the phone, a big part of
his anxiety subsiding by knowing that the boys were in a safe environment and together, not
roaming the streets, lost.

On the other hand Minho mumbled “okay, bye” and immediately hung up but Chan didn’t mind
too much, all he wanted was to get them back safe and sound and bring them home. Only then
would he be able to breath correctly instead of freaking out about his missing kids.

“Where are they!?” Jisung exclaimed, seeing Chan put his phone back in his pocket.

“Are they okay!?” Hyunjin was panicking at the same time.

Clearly the both of them were as worried as Chan was and Chan couldn’t be angry at them for the
whole debacle seeing them squirm like that, wondering if their mistake had caused the two others
to get lost or get hurt. He was still angry, mostly because he was still pretty anxious about the
whole thing. And one thing was for sure, he was going to ask for explanations once he got back.
But right now he didn’t want to fight with the two of them, wanting to get to Felix and Minho as
soon as possible.

“They’re fine.” Chan sighed, relieved, passing a hand through his messy hair. “They’re at the
studio,” he explained.

Looking at the two boys on the couch, Chan realized how small and frail they had suddenly looked
since they realized Minho and Felix had disappeared, probably crushed under feelings of guilt,
worry and all the scenarios that ran through their heads. So the breath of relief they both exhaled at
Chan’s announcement was so heavy it was almost heartbreaking.

“Of course they are..” Jisung sighed, throwing his head back, seeming suddenly more exhausted
than ever.

“Those idiots..” Hyunjin whispered, burying his face in his slightly shaky hands.

It hurt Chan to realize how worried the two others had been. Of course they had, Chan knew how
much each member meant to everyone else here, he wasn’t the only one loving them with all his
heart, they all loved each other. And he knew how special the situation was between Jisung and
Minho. He also suspected things between Hyunjin and Felix were already deeper than he was
aware of. He didn’t feel very good about it. Just like he had told Felix, he didn’t want him to get
hurt. He hadn’t given the same talk to Hyunjin, but the same applied to him. Chan knew better than
anyone else who those two boys were, deep deep down, what their stories were, what they feared,
what were their deepest, darkest secrets. Because he knew all that, he couldn’t help but be worried
about them forming that kind of bond.

Felix, despite being so loving, so caring, so sweet with absolutely everyone around him, had never
received the same kind of love back. He had been dragged into the mud by his parents for years
and years resulting in him believing so little in himself. Felix was starving for love, there was
nothing in this world he wanted more than to be loved. But how could he differentiate real genuine
love from attraction, from pure curiosity, from deceit, when he had never experienced the real
thing before? Chan’s biggest worry was that Felix would, one day, fall head over heels for
someone that couldn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved, the way he needed to be loved.
Because when Felix loved someone, he loved hard, he loved deep, he loved not with his heart, but
with his whole entire soul. Chan knew that better than anyone, he had been at the receiving end of
that love for a long time now. But only someone who could love Felix with the same level of
passion and commitment could be a good fit for him.

Hyunjin was more sensitive, more emotional than he ever let on during his day to day life. Just like
Felix, he hadn’t received the kind of love he should’ve growing up. What his mother loved was the
potential he offered, the money and fame he brought her. What other people loved were his looks
and, at some point, the fantasies his pretty face created in their sick, perverted minds. Hyunjin
didn’t grow up learning what love was, what it felt like. He thought the only thing he was able to
do, the only thing he was good at when it came to relationships was to form fleeting, ephemeral
physical connexions. Love was a foreign concept he longed for, for years and years, but that he had
buried in a corner of his mind, knowing it wasn’t something someone like him was worthy of. Not
something someone like him deserved, or could ever receive. Still Hyunjin loved fiercely, without
even knowing what the feeling was. He loved the members, he loved his music, his dancing.. He
loved in a way that was inspiring, intense, and sometimes, he loved too deep, he loved so much
that the rest of the world would disappear. That was why Chan was always keeping an eye on him
or he could spend days without eating properly or sleeping enough, just to work on his
choreographies that he loved more than almost anything else in the world. Because of all that,
because of his deep need for love, for a stronger bond that he longed for so badly, Hyunjin was
bound to get attached so completely that it would be painful, the day he fell in love, Chan was sure
of it. And what scared him was that absolute, bone shattering fear Hyunjin had developed of being
abandoned, being left alone by the only people who offered him that feeling he craved. Only
someone who could always be by his side, never letting him go, could sooth this fear in him, but
sometimes things didn’t work out that way and Chan didn’t want to see the aftermath if, one day,
Hyunjin fell in love deeply and his partner walked away.

On paper, Chan realized how good those two could be for one another. Felix, with all the love that
was packed in his small body, would teach Hyunjin what it felt to be truly loved for who he was,
not what he looked like or the way he acted in bed. He would be the softness and the safety
Hyunjin needed in his life to allow himself to be his sensitive self without being afraid. Hyunjin
would love Felix fiercely, being his biggest fan, giving him the confidence he needed to hold his
head high and be his best self. He would offer Felix the safe haven he needed to start believing in
himself again, to realize that receiving love wasn’t that twisted thing his parents taught him. And
Chan couldn’t imagine somebody better for Felix than Hyunjin just because he knew what a
beautiful, genuine soul he was. The same thing could be said for Felix, who would be perfect to
make Hyunjin happy. Chan knew all that. But he couldn’t help but be scared, be worried. Because
as much as they could be good for one another, Chan was also acutely aware of how bad things
could turn out between them, because of both their pasts, their crippling insecurities, their total lack
of experience when it came to love and relationships, the jealousy that could easily burn between
the two because of the way they both had to love so intensely, without holding back. All those
things, that were normal problems for normal couples, could break them totally and irrevocably
and, if that ever came to be, Chan wasn’t sure he would even be able to pick up the pieces
anymore.

Of course he had no proof things had already escalated between Hyunjin and Felix, but Chan
wasn’t a fool, he knew both of them and he could read them like open books. They weren’t as
discreet as they thought they were. And maybe it was something he needed to talk to them about,
or maybe it was something he should let them handle on their own. Either way now was not the
time to talk or think about it, because Chan had bigger things to worry about right now. He had two
rogue kids to go pick up.

“I’m gonna drive down there to pick them up.” Chan announced, already ready to leave the room
and do just that.
“I’m coming with!” both Jisung and Hyunjin exclaimed, getting up from the couch.

“I don’t think that’s.. “ Chan started. Knowing the kids had fled the house because of a fight with
those two, Chan didn’t think it was very wise to take them along.

“Please..” Hyunjin whispered, tilting his head, a worried pout on his lips.

Chan was simply weak when it came to his kids. How could he say no when Hyunjin was looking
at him like that. So he sighed and simply nodded, both Jisung and Hyunjin seemed relieved that he
agreed to take them with him.

“We’re leaving right now.” he pointed out, not ready to wait for them to get ready or anything of
the sort, too eager to go get Minho and Felix so he could finally feel less anxious.

Felix probably fell back asleep after that, and so did Minho because when suddenly Felix opened
his eyes again, with difficulty, Minho and him were once more against one another, cuddling,
sitting against the wall with their knees close to their chests, in the dark closest. And there was a
ruckus going on on the other side of the door. Minho moved against him, probably alerted and
pulled from dreamland by the sounds like Felix had just been. With a sigh, Felix put his sore,
aching body in motion, collecting the snacks he had abandoned on the floor into his arms once
more, Minho getting up in silence, looking worse for wear as well. There was no doubt in Felix
mind that the noise was Chan coming to pick them up. It was the sort of thing he would do in that
situation and Felix was getting ready to open the door and face a worried, probably angry Chan,
Minho on his heels. But he stopped, his hand on the handle when he heard voices. Voices he knew
and didn’t expect to hear here.

“You said they were here, right?” Jisung’s voice echoed in the empty practice room, on the other
side of the closet door.

“Did they leave already?” Hyunjin’s voice followed, sounding worried.

Felix turned his head, catching Minho’s eye in the darkness. He was as lost as him, just as scared to
go out there and face them. But they both knew they had to. They couldn’t stay hidden in a closet
for the rest of their lives and, at some point, they would have to see Jisung and Hyunjin. They all
lived together after all. But they were still unsure of what was going to happen for their
relationships. Felix, for one, didn’t even know why Hyunjin was here instead of laying in
Changbin’s arms. He didn’t want to feel the hope rising in his chest, but there was nothing he could
do to stop it.

After a small smile from Minho followed by a nod, both of them took a deep breath and Felix
opened the door, pushing it with his foot, holding the snacks in his arms. At first his eyes only
found Chan, because Felix was looking down and Chan was crouching near the mountain of
candies in the practice room that Felix had to leave behind when he joined Minho in the closet.
Chan’s features, which were tense, seemed to light up as soon as he laid eyes on Minho and Felix
and Felix realized how worried his best friend must have been. It made him feel even more guilty,
even more foolish.

“There you are!” Chan said, his voice soft but exhausted.

As Chan got up, Felix followed him with his eyes, being forced to look up. And soon enough, his
brown orbs found their way to Hyunjin. He was so beautiful, even with his messy hair and the tired
look on his face. Being face to face with Hyunjin was making his heart ache so incredibly and still,
he couldn’t help but feel unaltered joy bubbling in the pit of his stomach just by laying eyes on
him. It was as if seeing him reminded Felix that he was real, as if his own body was celebrating
Hyunjin’s very existence. And still, his heart was completely and utterly crushed. How could he
feel two emotions so diametrically opposed simply by looking at that man? When did he start to
hold so much power over him? Felix didn’t know. But what he was sure of was that he was staring,
and Hyunjin was staring right back.

One part of him wanted to rush towards the taller boy, throw himself in his arms, beg for
forgiveness and hold him so tight he couldn’t run away, couldn’t refuse to stay by his side. The
other part of him wanted to cower, to turn back and close the closet door just so he could escape
Hyunjin’s gaze, escape the possibility that this man he desired so ardently might not want to have
anything to do with him anymore. He couldn’t guess what was going on in Hyunjin’s mind, he was
very still, his eyes scanning Felix’s features, his head tilted in that way that made Felix want to cry.
He loved that small habit of his. He had been so mad during their fight and after it, feeling so hurt
by the rejection, being so filled with rage at the idea of Hyunjin in Changbin’s arms, in Changbin’s
bed, that he never let himself cry. Maybe he should’ve. Maybe then, the tears wouldn’t be
dangerously threatening to escape his eyes right here and now, when he was faced with Hyunjin
again, his eyes burning more and more each second that his pupils were glued to him.

Unbeknownst to Felix, whose focus was completely on Hyunjin, Minho wasn’t faring any better
next to him, staring at Jisung who was shifting from one foot to the other, nervously, passing a
hand through his hair, clearly unsure of the way to go forward from there, with everyone else
around. Minho had his arms crossed on his chest and a frown on his face, acting tough, but one
close look at him could reveal how hard he was trying not to fall apart too.

Felix had been battling his tears so hard he hadn’t realized that Hyunjin’s eyes were getting red as
well. And suddenly, in front of Felix’s eyes, Hyunjin crouched, his face in his hands, sobbing. It
was so sudden, so out of the blue, Felix was taken aback. He had never seen Hyunjin cry and that
was certainly not the reaction he expected after everything that had happened. He didn’t know why
Hyunjin was crying and more than that he didn’t know if he had any place anymore trying to
comfort him but still his body reacted before his mind did. Seeing that man he cared so deeply for
like that was more than he could take. Forgetting about the fact that the others were around,
forgetting about the fight, forgetting that maybe Hyunjin didn’t want him close to him anymore,
Felix’s feet drove him straight to the other boy. He crouched in front of him, his small hand
reaching up to touch his shoulder. Still his gestures were unsure, hesitant, he was scared to be
pushed away, to be rejected again.

“Hyunjin..?” he very quietly called out.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Hyunjin cried behind his hands, his voice shaking. It was like his
whole body had been so tense from worry this past hours that the feeling of relief of seeing Felix
safe and sound had been too much to handle, all his emotions rushing to the surface violently, his
body giving under him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, don’t hate me..” he continued to ramble between
his fingers. “I’m sorry, don’t leave me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t leave.. Don’t leave..”

The others, even Chan who probably had the urge to intervene, seeing Hyunjin act that way, stayed
back, leaving it to Felix to act whatever way he deemed appropriate. Felix had no idea what was
going on in the rest of the room. He didn’t see Jisung and Minho inch closer to one another, Jisung
softly grabbing Minho’s hand and squeezing it tight in his without saying anything more. He didn’t
see the deep, heavy, heartbreaking sigh of relief that Minho exhaled, like he could finally breathe
for the first time in hours. He didn’t see Chan hushering them silently towards the door to give
Felix and Hyunjin a moment of privacy. Because all he could see was Hyunjin, all he could hear
were his cries, his words. All he could comprehend was that Hyunjin was hurting, that Hyunjin still
wanted him, that Hyunjin was begging for his forgiveness, when really Felix thought he should be
the one being on his knees saying sorry. He couldn’t contain his own tears anymore and they were
freely flowing down his cheeks, silently now. He raised his hand to caress Hyunjin’s soft, black
hair, the feeling between his fingers making his heart thump in his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere..” he whispered, his voice breaking in the middle of his sentence, too
many emotions building inside him. “I’m here..” he repeated, softly passing his fingers through
Hyunjin’s hair in a soothing manner.

“I didn’t.. I’m not..” Hyunjin tried to formulate words but kept sobbing into his hands, he sounded
so distraught but, more than that he sounded scared, absolutely terrified. “ Don’t hate me..” he
repeated instead.

Letting go of the snacks in his free hand, sprawling them on the floor at their feet, Felix raised his
second hand, his fingers hooking themselves under Hyunjin’s chin, lifting it up. Hyunjin slowly
took his hands away from his face, his red, glossy eyes looking up at Felix’s face, drenched in tears
as well. The sight caught Felix’s breath in his throat. Hyunjin, his beautiful, confident, smiling
Hyunjin was in shambles in front of him. Felix's heart broke, just there, looking at this man that
represented his everything, being so weak and broken down because of him. Very slowly, almost
dreading that Hyunjin would pull away, Felix leaned towards him, his lips inching closer to
Hyunjin’s, his breath itching every second, scared that he would be rejected.

When his lips touched Hyunjin’s it was like the weight on his heart was finally lifted, a small
whine, a sob, escaping his throat as he pressed his mouth against Hyunjin’s just a little more, both
his hands sliding on Hyunjin’s drenched cheeks. The kiss was soft, not rushed, both of them
simply pressing their lips together, unmoving. It tasted like salt, like tears, regrets and fear. After a
long second Felix pulled back, pressing his forehead to Hyunjin’s, his eyes closed for a second
more, holding his breath as he was assaulted by too many emotions, before he could open his eyes
once more, looking at Hyunjin. With his thumbs he gently brushed the tears away from Hyunjin’s
pink cheeks, not caring for a second that his own face was wet, his own eyes red and swollen.

“I’m sorry too.. “ he whispered. Hyunjin shook his head between Felix’s hands, like he was trying
to say Felix had nothing to be sorry about, but he did. “I’m sorry..” he repeated, his voice breaking.
“I didn’t mean a word of it. I didn’t want you to go with..” he started.

“I didnt! I would never!” Hyunjin exclaimed before Felix could finish. “I don’t want anyone else
but you.. “ he added, sniffling. “I thought.. I thought you went to Chan and I was going crazy..” he
continued, more tears falling from his eyes, instantly brushed away by Felix.

“I should’ve never said that I.. I wanted to make you jealous. I wanted to see you cared. I.. I don’t
know what went through my mind..” Felix sighed, holding on to Hyunjin’s face like it was his life
line, the most precious, most fragile, most beautiful thing in the world.

Suddenly, breaking the trance, exploding the little bubble the two of them had formed around
themselves, there was a knock at the door. Felix looked up, seeing Chan peak his head through the
door. He nodded silently at Chan who disappeared as soon as he had appeared, before looking
down at Hyunjin once more.

“Let’s go home.” he said softly, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. “We can talk more there..”

Felix knew they had to talk about the whole situation, no matter how much he didn’t want to, how
much he simply wanted to hold Hyunjin and forget all about it. He didn’t know much about
romantic relationships, but he believed firmly that nothing good could grow out of a situation that
wasn’t resolved, a situation where things were left unsaid. That was why Felix was always one to
try and communicate his feelings and what was on his mind when it seemed important. And now,
it was definitely important. So the conversation wasn’t over. They both had apologized but they
needed to talk it over, to explain and to understand why things went that way, why they had said
and done those things. Because not everything could be blamed on the alcohol. But first and
foremost, they needed to get home. There they could go to their room and pour out their feelings to
their heart's content. There, maybe they could settle things and finally lay in their shared bed, in
each other’s arms, safe.

“Let’s go home.” Hyunjin agreed.

 I Am Yours
Chapter Notes

Heya beautiful people!~ I am so so sorry there wasn't an update yesterday. For those
who don't follow me on Twitter, I had a deadline coming up and had to work through
the night and until the next morning to finish my work and didn't even find a few
hours to write a chapter at all! I fell awful about it though, especially since yesterday
was officially the one month anniversary of In Need of Sunshine and I wanted to make
it special, to offer you something longer maybe. Instead there was no chapter.. I
wanted to write a very long one today to make up for it, but my work was still very
crazy yesterday and I didn't have time to write more than what I'm giving you as an
update today so I kinda failed at making up for my missed update.. But I'll try harder
next time, I promise~ I hope you can understand though and that you weren't too
bothered by the lack of update yesterday! I love y'all~ ♥

The drive home was a silent one. Chan sitting in the driver seat probably didn’t want to start
yelling or scolding them all in the car, preferring to focus on the road, one hand on the wheel, the
other occasionally running through his hair. Like everyone else in the car, he looked exhausted.
They all had less than three hours of sleep since the party ended, for those who managed to get any
sleep at all. Jisung was sitting next to Chan. Felix wanted to offer to take this spot so Minho and
Jisung could be together in the backseat, feeling like those two might need it, but Hyunjin was
holding onto him so tightly when they arrived at the car that Felix didn’t have the heart to let go of
him, leaving him in the backseat alone. So he was now sitting between Minho and Hyunjin at the
back of the car. Hyunjin had his head on Felix’s shoulder, eyes half closed and still puffy from the
tears, holding on to Felix’s arms like he was holding onto dear life. Minho had his forehead against
the cool glass of the window, looking the cars and houses pass by as they drove, little yawns
disturbing his peace every so often. Felix himself had his head tilted to the side, his cheek pressed
on the top of Hyunjin’s head, Hyunjin’s black strands tickling his face. One of his hands was softly
laying on Minho’s thigh, his fingers squeezing the other’s leg from time to time, just to remind him
of his presence in case Minho needed this kind of reassurance or safety. Felix was feeling tired but,
more than anything else, he felt sick, from the hangover and from the car sickness that came along
with it, and he was taking deep slow breaths through his nose to try and appease his upset stomach
during the whole drive home.

Felix felt grateful when the house finally appeared through the windshield. Slowly and carefully
Chan manoeuvred to park the car in front of their home and they all got out pretty quickly,
probably all more than happy to go back to their beds for a more than deserved nap. The silence
between all of them remained as they entered the house, taking off their shoes. All the others were
still sleeping and the house was calm, the only light in the entrance coming from the sun that had
started his ascension outside.

Only once everyone was inside, their shoes put to the side, safely back in the warmth of their
shared home, did Chan turn towards them all. They all had the same reaction, looking down at
their feet. Felix wasn’t the only one knowing that Chan wasn’t happy with them. He was the leader
and as much as they teased him about it, he really was some sort of father figure for them all, and
he definitely acted the part. He was also someone who would easily worry for the people he loved,
and even more so for the people he felt responsible for. So Felix was expecting a scolding for all
the problems they created and the intense stress they put him under, at the very least. But Chan
simply sighed.

“There’s a lot of things I want to say..” he started. “But we’re all exhausted right now, so just.. go
to bed, we’ll talk when everyone is well rested.” he added, softly, his paternal nature showing more
than ever. Even when he was displeased with them, he was always prioritizing their well being
before anything else. “But we will talk about it, alright?” he finished, putting an emphasis on
“will”, probably to make sure they didn’t think they got off easy.

They all nodded in unison, keeping silent and Chan gestured towards the stairs to let them know
they were dismissed and could go back to their rooms. They all started to walk away in a neat line,
like children, Minho leading the pack, followed by Jisung, Hyunjin and Felix closing the line.
Before Felix could walk away though, Chan softly grabbed his wrist. Since Hyunjin was still
holding Felix’s hand he was stopped in his movements too, both of them turning to look at Chan.

“Don’t worry me like that ever again, alright?” he said to Felix in their native tongue and Felix
could see Chan really had worried even more than Felix thought he did and he felt awful for
causing him such stress when everything he had now was thanks to his best friend. “I.. If you want
to be together I can’t stop you.” he continued, switching to Korean and looking at both Felix and
Hyunjin.

He looked slightly uncomfortable but still as worried as he brought up that subject and Felix felt
anxiety rising in the pit of his stomach too. He wasn’t expecting Chan to pick up on their
relationship so quickly or even bring it up at all before Felix announced it to him himself. But it
was clear Hyunjin and him hadn’t been discreet, especially with this whole debacle so it was
inevitable that Chan would find out. Felix just hoped it wouldn’t put a strain on their relationship or
create conflict between Chan and Hyunjin.

“And I’m happy if you’re both happy, I really am.. But.. It’s not going to be easy, I hope you know
that..” he continued quietly. “Anyway.. Go get some rest, alright?” he finally added, finishing the
whole conversation before either Felix or Hyunjin could even answer him.

Felix, just like Hyunjin, knew now was not the time to have this conversation and all of them, Chan
included, were all too hungover, too tired, too stressed out and too drained by the recent events to
put energy into it right now. So they didn’t object once Chan dismissed them, nodding, Felix trying
to offer a sorry smile to Chan before Hyunjin led him by the hand into the staircase and up the
stairs until they reached their shared room.

Once the door was closed behind them, both Felix and Hyunjin simply stood in the middle of the
room, silent and unmoving, Hyunjin’s hand tight around Felix’s fingers, for a few seconds. Felix
knew they needed to talk but Hyunjin also looked absolutely exhausted and Felix was torned
between letting him rest, waiting a few hours to have their talk, or try to push through their
exhaustion so the whole thing would already be behind them by the time they woke up.

“You okay?” Felix quielty asked Hyunjin who finally turned to face him, nodding ever so slightly.

“I just.. I need you in my bed right now..” he muttered, attacking his lower lip nervously.

“Hyunjin it’s not the time for..” Felix started, he didn’t understand how Hyunjin could think that
now was the best time to finally decide he wanted to have sex with him when they had plenty of
opportunities before when the situation wasn’t as tense as it was now.
“No, not like that..” Hyunjin sighed, shaking his head.

He took a step towards Felix, raising his hand to brush away pink strands away from his face with
the tip of his fingers, his hand finally resting against Felix’s cheek. Felix couldn’t help but lean into
the touch, closing his eyes for a second to enjoy the warmth of Hyunjin’s hand against his skin. He
had been so scared, sure he had ruined everything, sure he was going to lose Hyunjin before he
properly had a chance to call him his to begin with. Having him in front of him right now, touching
him so lovingly, looking at him like he was the most important person in the world. He thought
this kind of thing wouldn’t happen anymore and the fact that it did was filling his heart with too
many emotions for him to even comprehend.

“I.. I just can’t seem to calm myself.. You’re here but I’m still scared you’re going to disappear..”
Hyunjin explained, that fear he was talking about clearly shining in his tired eyes. “I just want you
in my bed, against me, so I can keep you close.. Holding you always makes my anxiety disappear..”
he added more shyly than Felix ever heard him talk before.

At that, Felix simply nodded, a small, quiet “alright” escaping his lips. It was breaking his heart to
see Hyunjin still so anxious, so scared that he would disappear as soon as Hyunjin would let go of
his hand. He understood now why the other boy had held onto him with such desperation since the
very moment they left the dance studio. And all Felix wanted at this moment was to reassure him,
to make his fear go away, to prove to him he wasn’t going anywhere, he was never going to
abandon him or silently disappear. It might sound silly, after all their fight was something that
every couple had to go through in their relationships at some point. But all of that was so new to
both of them, every feeling was exacerbated. The anger had been disproportionate when they had
fought, the hurt and the pain were out of control while they were apart, wondering if things were
ruined and now, during the aftermath, the anxiousness, the fear and the guilt were still lingering in
the air.

This time it was Felix’s turn to take Hyunjin’s hand and to lead the way, walking towards the bed
and sitting on the edge of it, waiting for Hyunjin to do the same. Slowly Felix laid down, bringing
Hyunjin with him and, naturally, they slid into position, Hyunjin hugging Felix from behind, his
body fitting perfectly against Felix’s smaller frame, his face buried into Felix’s hair at the back of
his head. Only once he was tightly holding him, inhaling the scent of his hair, did Hyunjin finally
let out a breath of relief, his body seeming less tense than it had been for the last few hours. Felix’s
fingers found their way to Hyunjin’s forearm that was wrapped around him, caressing his exposed
skin with the tip of his small fingers absently, his own body and mind appeased by that contact, by
their bodies finally intertwined just as they should be. Being suddenly engulfed in Hyunjin’s scent,
the one lingering on his sheets as well as the one coming from him, being so warm and safe into
his embrace.. It made Felix want to cry of happiness. The emotions were flooding his body so
rapidly he had a hard time catching up and not letting himself get overwhelmed. That was the effect
Hyunjin, and Hyunjin only, could have on him.

“I’m sorry..” Felix breathed and Hyunjin’s grip on him tightened ever so slightly.

“Don’t.. It was my fault..I fucked up..” Hyunjin said in Felix’s hair, adamant, sounding so guilty it
hurt Felix deep inside.

“No, it wasn’t. We were both stupid..” Felix sighed. “And, I guess.. I guess I started it..” he
admitted. “Trying to make you jealous like I did.. I just.. I got insecure because you weren’t giving
me attention anymore and with the alcohol I just… I acted like a child and it was stupid of me, I
don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry..”

“I was ignoring you on purpose..” Hyunjin suddenly announced and Felix’s body tensed in his
embrace at this news. Hyunjin must have felt it because he continued his explanation quickly, his
head moving slightly so he could bury his face in Felix’s neck instead of his hair, his lips softly
brushing against Felix’s skin as he talked. “I wanted to keep.. that…between us.” he said, briefly
kissing Felix’s neck as he said ‘that’, like a way to make him understand he was talking about
them, their blossoming relationship. “And I.. I knew if I looked at you I wouldn’t be able to hide it,
it would be all over my face..” he admitted. “And then.. you cuddled with Chan, you danced with
Minho, Jeongin laid his hands on your bare skin and.. I didn’t want to watch. I was crazy jealous, I
wanted to grab you, and show everyone you were mine so.. I just tried to ignore you instead..” he
finished his explanation with a sigh. “Now that I say it out loud, he doesn’t sound so smart..I was
the stupid one..” he sighed again.

It made a lot of sense for Felix now that he had the full explanation and he felt so idiotic for not
having figured it out sooner. It was so out of character for Hyunjin to pay so little attention to him,
he should’ve picked up on it instead of acting irrationally and making a fuss because he wanted
Hyunjin’s attention and the boy wasn’t giving it to him. This whole thing could’ve been avoided if
he had simply thought a little harder instead of being an idiot. He had never completely understood
what people meant when they said that love makes you do crazy, stupid things, in the past. Now he
could say he understood.

Slowly he turned between Hyunjin’s arms. At first Hyunjin tightened his grip, probably thinking
that Felix was trying to escape him, to get away from his arms. But once he understood what Felix
actually wanted to do, he eased his grip so Felix could shift his body until he was facing Hyunjin
instead of having his back to him. Both their heads were resting on the same pillow, so close that
the tip of their noses were almost touching, Hyunjin’s arm still wrapped around Felix’s hips,
pulling him ever so slightly closer to him, entangling their legs together on the mattress.

“I am yours..” Felix simply said, putting an emphasis on the words because he didn’t want Hyunjin
to doubt them a single second.

He didn’t have to prove to anyone that Felix was his, because he was, and as long as it was obvious
to the both of them it was all that mattered. But clearly it wasn’t obvious to Hyunjin and that was
why Felix felt the need to tell him directly. Those words were embarrassing to utter but still Felix
said them confidently because he knew it was important for Hyunjin to hear them. Because he
meant them from the bottom of his heart. Never had he wanted his heart and his body to be owned
by anyone as much as he wanted it since the very second he had first laid eyes on him. Never had
he wanted anything like he wanted this, wanted him. His gorgeous stranger, his person, his
everything. His Hyunjin.

Hyunjin’s breath itched as soon as Felix uttered the words. Despite how tired he was, Felix could
clearly see the effect his words had on Hyunjin by looking into his eyes, by feeling him press his
body even more firmly against him, by listening to his breathing quickening just the slightest bit.
He raised the hand that was resting on Felix’s hip to caress his hair, his face, his fingers tracing the
edge of Felix’s jaw, a quiet ‘mine’ escaping his lips, so softly Felix barely heard it at all. He let his
fingers slide down the length of Felix’s arm before finishing their path just where they started, on
Felix’s hip. All the while, he was taking in Felix’s features, looking at his eyes, his lips, Hyunjin’s
eyes shining with so much raw emotions it gave Felix goosebumps throughout his whole body.
Hyunjin was intense, as always and still so soft and gentle while he looked at Felix, making him
feel like he was the only person in the world that mattered. A feeling Felix had never felt before, a
feeling he had yearned for for so long.

“You know I want you, right..?” Hyunjin asked softly. “I mean.. ‘want’ you..” he emphasized and
Felix understood what he meant by that. He wasn’t talking about wanting to hug him like he had
done when he asked him to get into bed with him this time around. “Earlier you.. You said it didn’t
feel like I wanted you that way..That I thought you weren’t hot enough..” he added, his lips
forming a little pout.

Felix remembered and his cheeks burned at the thought. He had almost tried to assault Hyunjin, in
his drunken rage, trying to pry his belt away, to throw himself at him. And when Hyunjin stopped
him, Felix had accused him of not wanting him, of wanting to lay in Changbin’s arms instead.

“I can’t let you think that..” Hyunjin shook his head against the pillow. “You’re so.. beautiful and
innocent and so, so sexy..” he sighed with a little muffled chuckle. “You drive me crazy all day
long and everytime you look at me I want to drop everything and take you back to the room to
honor you the way you deserve, for hours..” he said with that little seductive but genuine smile of
his, Felix’s cheeks burning hotter, the need to hide his face getting stronger by the second. “Baby,
there’s not been a single second, since the moment I laid eyes on you, that I didn’t want you under
me.” he stated adamantly.

“I..” Felix stuttered, looking away for a second before lifting his eyes to meet Hyunjin’s, his face
red. “I want you too Hyunnie..” he sheepishly admitted, feeling more embarrassed than ever to say
those words out loud.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched again, his eyes slowly drifting to Felix’s mouth and back to his eyes, his
breathing quickening slightly. He wasn’t expecting Felix to say something like that apparently, but
it definitely had an effect on him.

“Fuck, baby, don’t.. “ he sighed, closing his eyes for a second, pressing them shut before finally
looking back at Felix, his hand reaching up to cup his face, his tumb finding its way onto Felix’s
lower lip, caressing it slowly. “Don’t say things like that so suddenly, my heart can’t take it..” he
whispered, his eyes drifting once more towards Felix’s lips.

He bit his lower lip and Felix’s breath got caught in his throat, expectation rising in his chest.
Finally, after a second that felt like an eternity, Hyunjin leaned closer, brushing his soft lips against
Felix’s pink ones. It was soft, their lips barely touching but the electricity between their bodies was
palpable both of them holding their breath and holding onto each other. Felix, surprisingly, was the
one who tried to press his lips more firmly against Hyunjin’s, his tiny hands grabbing the fabric of
Hyunjin’s shirt as he moved closer still to him, not a single centimeters of their bodies not being in
contact with one another at the this point, his lips colliding with Hyunjin’s properly this time.
Hyunjin's arm, wrapped around Felix’s hips, tightened substantially once Felix made his move,
acting bolder than he usually did.

The kiss felt more desperate than any other they had shared before, maybe because it felt like both
of them needed that kiss to reassure themselves after everything that had happened. Maybe because
this kiss was a way for them to let go of all the pent up energy and anxiety that had been running
through their bodies. Maybe because that kiss was the best way they had found to say sorry, to
show how much they wanted one another, without stumbling on their words or saying the wrong
thing. Because sometimes it was easier to communicate through actions than words. And they had
spoken, briefly, had explained to one another why things had gone the way they did. But they’re
were some things that could be understood, and believed more easily through a simple, feverish
kiss, than it could ever be through some well chosen words.

Hyunjin softly took Felix’s lower lip between his teeth and Felix parted his lips, wanting more, but
Hyunjin moved away, his lips quickly finding their way into Felix’s neck before Felix could grunt
and show his disappointment from the abrupt end of their kiss. Hyunjin pressed a few kisses on
Felix’s skin, starting under his ear and working his way down very softly, Felix’s body covered in
goosebumps, his breath hitching every second at the exquisite sensation, his fingers tightly
wrapped around the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt.

“Your skin is so soft..” he whispered against Felix’s neck between two kisses, his hand sliding up
and down Felix’s arm, caressing his skin with the tip of his fingers. “When I finally make you
mine, I’m going to touch every inch of it.. Leave my mark everywhere on your body.. I’m going to
make you feel so good baby.” he continued, his voice raspy against Felix’s skin.

His kisses continued in his neck, his hand stopping on his hip, just at the exact spot where a little
bit of skin was exposed between his shirt and his pants, Hyunjin’s fingers hot against this little
patch of naked skin. Felix was holding his breath, his eyes closed, his mind able to focus only on
Hyunjin’s lips and his words. His words that had too much effect on him. He knew exactly how
good Hyunjin could make him feel even before the boy had ever touched him and he was craving
it, he needed it so badly he ached for it, feeling the fire spreading in the lower part of his body.

“I’ll have you panting under me.. Saying my name..” he continued whispering seductively, his
voice so raw Felix knew how badly Hyunjin desired him too right this moment.

“Hyunjin, please..” Felix almost whined arching his back, wanting to feel Hyunjin touching him,
wanting him to do all those things he was promising to him right now, wanting Hyunjin altogether.

“Fuck..” Hyunjin said, stretching out the word, sounding more like a moan than an actual word in
his mouth. “Yeah, just like that..” he breathed against Felix’s neck, his teeth grazing his very
sensitive skin.

It was from Felix’s mouth that a soft moan escaped this time, Hyunjin inhaling sharply at the
sound. Heaned back slightly, away from Felix’s neck and facing the boy once more. His eyes were
dark, full of lust, and Felix knew the look on his own face was probably not any different, he could
feel how flushed his cheeks were, how shallow his breathing was, how fast his heart was beating
and how hot his whole body felt.

“You drive me crazy, baby..” Hyunjin whispered, his fingers digging into the naked skin of Felix’s
hip possessively, with a certain need. “I won’t be able to resist you much longer if you keep
looking at me like that, moaning my name.. You have no idea how turned on I am..” he said,
seductively, sensually, his breath as shallow as Felix’s.

Felix was always amazed at how Hyunjin could say this sort of thing with a straight face, sounding
so sexy and confident instead of blushing like a schoolgirl, like Felix would if he was in his place.
That was extremely attractive to him.

“Then don’t..” Felix breathed, so softly it was barely audible in the silent room.

There was a sort of despereation, of unfiltered need in Felix’s voice, in his tense body, in his soul.
He needed Hyunjin, he needed to feel that Hyunjin was his just as much as Felix was Hyunjin’s.
He needed that touch, the feeling of his skin against his, his lips on his, his hands all over his body.
A low breathless chuckle came from Hyunjin’s throat, deep, raspy, sensual.

“So eager..” he almost purred, his fingers drawing invisible circles on the small patch of naked
skin on Felix’s hip. “Felix.. Baby.. I will make you mine soon, honor your body again and again
and again. I..” he stopped for just a second, inhaling, seeming as desperate and in need, as turned on
and filled with desire as Felix was. “Fuck, I’ll take you until your body can’t take it anymore..” he
said, each word more sexual and raspy than the last, all of them reverberating in the deepest part of
Felix’s body, a soft moan escaping Felix’s lips once more just by listening to him say those things.
“But.. not right now.”
Felix blinked,sure he had heard wrong. After all the teasing, after all the things he said that turned
him on so much, after putting Felix in such a state, he was now saying he wouldn’t offer him any
release. Surely he was joking. But Hyunjin chuckled, probably seeing Felix’s face morph from
pure desire to unaltered deception in the span of a second. He moved, leaning to press his soft lips
gently against Felix’s forehead.

“Trust me, I want to.. So badly.. But you’re exhausted, and so am I..” he whispered, leaning back,
his hand leaving the naked skin of Felix’s hip to caress his cheek once more. He ran his long
fingers in Felix’s pink hair, brushing them back in a soothing motion that had Felix instinctively
close his eyes to enjoy it. “Get some rest baby..” Hyunjin said after a few seconds.

No matter how much Felix wanted to argue, how much he wanted to tell Hyunjin not to stop there,
he knew the other boy was right. Felix was exhausted, his body felt heavy and sluggish, he was
still nauseous, despite having forgotten all about it during his little exchange with Hyunjin, his
head was banging and his eyes burned. He needed sleep more than he needed anything else, despite
his libido and his hormones telling him something different. And even though Hyunjin was still as
gorgeous, as beautiful, as ethereal and perfect as always in Felix’s eyes, there was no mistaking the
circles under his eyes and his pale complexion, turning a little gray-ish because of the lack of sleep
and probably the other symptoms of the hangover that he was experiencing too. So he simply
nodded, opening his eyes for a second to look at Hyunjin.

“Just.. “ Hyunjin quickly added, biting his lower lip sheepishly, seeming a little more shy all of a
sudden, which was a big change from the way he acted just a second ago. The duality of Hyunjin
would give Felix whiplash one day, of that he was sure. “Can you.. be there when I wake up this
time?” he asked with a small voice.

“I will.”. Felix answered. He didn’t want to go anywhere, he just wanted to stay in those arms as
long as Hyunjin would let him this time around. Hyunjin smiled softly and finally closed his eyes
holding Felix tightly “I promise.” Felix added in a breath, before closing his own eyes, focusing on
Hyunjin’s breathing and feeling the world turn to black quicker than he would’ve thought possible.
 Is That a Promise?

When Felix finally woke up, it wasn’t because he wanted to. God knows when he realized how
horrible he felt, he wished he had stayed asleep for a lot longer, his head was hurting like nothing
else before, his nausea hadn’t subsided, if anything it was way worse now that he had time to rest,
the inside of his mouth felt like parchment and his whole body was aching, feeling weak, even
worse than if he has worked out for hours the day before. What woke him up was Hyunjin’s voice.

Usually when Hyunjin was talking in his sleep, he was doing so very softly and quietly, Felix
needing to listen hard to make out the nonsensical little sentences coming out of his mouth. This
time around though his voice was clearer. Not loud but definitely noticeable enough for it to pull
Felix from sleep. Hyunjin’s hand had slid under Felix’s shirt during the night, his palms pressed to
the bare skin on his hip and his back. It seemed like Hyunjin liked the feeling of touching Felix
skin against skin and that was a thought that pleased Felix.

“No.. Don’t touch..” Hyunjin mumbled in his sleep.

Felix looked up at him. Hyunjin’s brows were furrowed slightly and his eyes were twitching
behind his eyelids. He wasn’t thrashing around or screaming to the top of his lungs and still there
was no doubt he was having a nightmare. His face was laying on the pillow, only centimeters away
from Felix’s and his breathing was slow, as it always was when he was sleeping. But after spending
a few nights in Hyunjin’s bed, Felix felt pretty confident about his sleeping habits and this was not
just a regular dream, he was sure of it.

“Please..” Hyunjin whined, the frown on his face deepening.

The little word, paired with Hyunjin’s expression broke Felix’s heart. He didn’t know what
Hyunjin was dreaming about, but he knew if it made him have that kind of expression on his face
then Felix didn’t want it to continue. He moved one of his hands from Hyunjin’s chest where it
rested to grab his shoulder, softly shaking him in hopes that it would wake him up, to no avail.
Very gently he slid his hand to caress Hyunjin’s cheek instead, brushing away a few strands falling
in front of his eyes, drawing the edge of his jaw with his fingers, stroking his cheek with his thumb.

“Hyunjin..” he called softly. The other boy stirred slightly, not opening his eyes. “ Hyunnie, wake
up..” Felix tried again, a little louder.

Suddenly Hyunjin opened his eyes, his pupils darting around for a second, confused, still in his
sleeping daze. Felix caressed his black, soft hair, brushing it back, all the while making a quiet
shushing sound to appease the other boy.

“It’s okay, you were having a nightmare..” he said gently.

Once his eyes landed on Felix’s face, finally Hyunjin’s features softened, a little smile appearing
on his lips, his eyes shining again, the nightmare all but forgotten already. His grip on Felix
tightened ever so slightly as he closed his eyes, enjoying Felix’s fingers in his hair. It was
something Felix knew Hyunjin loved, to have him brush his hair with his fingers, grazing his scalp
softly with his nails and so he offered him exactly what he wanted, Hyunjin simply melting against
him.

“You okay?” he asked quietly after a second, his hand leaving Hyunjin’s hair to go rest on his chest
once more.
“I am now..” Hyunjin smiled, his own fingers finding their way to Felix’s face. “I mean.. I feel like
I got rolled over by a truck..” he chuckled, the sound raw like his throat was hurting. “But.. you’re
here..” he finished, a small smile on the corner of his lips.

Felix felt his cheeks just slightly burning, turning a soft shade of pink. Hyunjin’s words were
making him very happy. That soft smile, the look in Hyunjin’s eyes like he was genuinely the
happiest man simply because he got to wake up next to Felix, made Felix’s heart skip a beat.

“You want me to get you something to drink? To eat? It might help with the hangover..” Felix said
after a few seconds of them simply looking at each other.

Hyunjin did, indeed, look like his hangover was pretty nasty and it made Felix want to take care of
him despite the fact that he wasn’t in a better state than him. Hyunjin shook his head, a pout on his
full lips, his grip tightening around Felix, pressing himself against him as he buried his face in his
neck.

“No, I wanna stay here all day..” he said with a childish voice that made Felix’s heart flutter.

Hyunjin’s body wasn’t on board with his plans though because as soon as those words came out of
his mouth, Hyunjin’s stomach let out a loud grumble. Felix couldn’t help but burst out in a little fit
of quiet laughter, caressing Hyunjin’s hair as he groaned against Felix’s neck, unhappy that his
body would betray him like that.

“Come on, let’s get some food into you..” Felix said, still chuckling softly, Hyunjin wrapped
around him.

“Fine..” Hyunjin begrudgingly accepted after one more unhappy groan, finally letting go of Felix
so he could get up.

Felix shimmied out of Hyunjin’s embrace and finally got out of the bed altogether. Getting upright
made the pain in his skill worse, pounding like crazy. With an uncomfortable frown he extended
his hand to Hyunjin who took it, letting himself be hoisted out of bed by Felix. Once he got to his
feet though, he immediately engulfed Felix in his arms, hugging him tightly, Felix chuckling once
more as he stroke Hyunjin’s back with his small hand, endeared by his behavior.

“We’ll come back to bed after eating something, alright?” Felix said gently, like he was talking to a
child.

“Is that a promise?” Hyunjin’s voice echoed, suddenly way more flirtatious than before and Felix
blushed furiously at the implication behind Hyunjin’s words but still he silently nodded. “Well
then.. let’s go.” Hyunjin chuckled, taking a step back and grabbing Felix’s hand to lead him out of
the room.

It was already the middle of the day, which wasn’t surprising knowing how hard they had all
partied and how much sleep they all needed. In the living room though, everyone was already
gathered except from Hyunjin and Felix. On one side of the couch there was Jisung and Minho,
bundled up in a big blanket, Jisung’s head on Minho’s shoulder. He was munching on some fruit in
a bowl, occasionally raising the fruit to Minho’s lips instead, silently, the two of them staring
blankly at the TV, looking like they were ready to pass out. Clearly things took a turn for the better
for them too since this morning. They probably took the time to talk or maybe let their bodies talk,
making the tension and anger between them melt away. This was good news for Felix who smiled
softly at the sight of them. On the other side of the couch, Jeongin was laying, in a ball, on his side,
his head resting on Changbin’s thigh, the older boy stroking his arm gently while Jeongin looked
ready to puke any second now. Seungmin was walking around with a trash bag in his hands,
cleaning the mess they all had left in the living room during the night and, according to the noises
coming from the kitchen, Chan was in there doing the dishes. The two of them seemed less
affected than the others, not only because they both had a higher alcohol tolerance apparently, but
also because, being the more responsible ones, they had drank less than the others and could
therefore handle it better.

Only Changbin and Seungmin looked up when Felix and Hyunjin entered the room, offering soft
smiles in silence. Felix smiled back, putting his hand behind Hyunjin’s back, stroking it gently as
he leaned closer to him to talk to him softly.

“Go sit, I’ll bring you something to eat, alright?” he said, getting a nod in response, Hyunjin letting
go of his hand with a pout to make his way to the couch.

He went to sit next to Jisung who opened his arm without even looking away from the TV to offer
Hyunjin some space under the blanket with them. Hyunjin put his head on Jisung’s shoulder and
Jisung raised the piece of apple between his fingers to Hyunjin’s lips in silence, before grabbing a
grape and raising it to Minho’s lips, after what he finally too a piece of fruit in his own mouth,
staring at the TV. Felix looked at that with an endeared, loving smile for a second before walking
away to the kitchen.

When he arrived in the kitchen Seungmin was already there with Chan, drying the dishes while
Chan was putting two steaming cups on the table, watching Felix enter the room. The younger boy
walked to him and Chan quickly engulfed him in a warm hug as a ‘good morning’. Despite the
events earlier, Chan was still affectionate towards Felix, which appeased Felix who had been
scared that his best friend would be cold and distant towards him now.

“How do you feel?” Chan asked, taking a step back.

“Like shit..” Felix admitted, his voice raw and his head pounding mercilessly “I’m never partying
again..” he groaned.

“Yeah I gotta to agree with you on that..” Chan chuckled softly.

“I’m so so sorry for earlier Chris.. I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t want to worry you..” Felix
said, looking up at Chan before looking down at his feet sheepishly, playing with his fingers
nervously. He didn’t want his best friend to be mad at him, he felt awful for the whole ordeal.

“I know..” Chan sighed. “It’s alright..” he added with a little reassuring smile, patting Felix’s head
with his large hand. “We need to talk about it, but it can wait. You should eat something to feel
better first. ” he finished, always stepping in top play the fatherly role.

Felix nodded obediently, because when Chan was acting like a big brother with him, he was
always instinctively acting like the obedient little brother, it was just the side of him that Chan
alone could conjure. Chan smiled, seeming pleased and walked to the table gesturing to the two
steaming mugs he had laid on it just a second ago.

“Green Tea with honey for you and Hyunjin. I know his throat often gets scratchyafter drinking too
much, so that’ll be good for him.” he smiled lovingly. He really knew them all like the back of his
hand, taking care of them even in those small little ways. That warmed Felix’s heart. “And there’s a
bowl of fresh fruits there.” he continued, pointing to the kitchen counter. “Eating clean will help
your body recuperate quicker, so no brownies today.” he chuckled softly. “I already told everyone
to forget work for today and simply rest, so you and Hyunjin do the same, alright?”.

Felix nodded once more with a little thankful smile. He didn’t know how he would live his life
without someone like Chan in it. Everyday he was reminded of how much of an amazing person he
was. And it was even more clear to him now that they were reunited, now that they lived under the
same roof and now that they worked hand in hand. Chan smiled back as Felix took the mugs, and
the bowl of fruits in his hands, ready to get back to Hyunjin.

“Drink plenty of water today, alright? And make sure Hyunjin takes it easy, he has a hard time
laying down all day.” Seungmin announced to Felix with a little smile. He too was taking care of
them, he was a more subtle presence than Chan but there was no doubt that he cared for them all
just as much. “And put your dirty laundry in front of your bedroom door when you can, I’ll put a
load on for everyone later.” he added, Felix nodding, as much to say he understood than to thank
him silently for everything he was doing for them all, while they were all in a pretty bad state.

When he finally got back to the living room, Jisung had fallen asleep on Minho’s shoulder, the
bowl of fruit empty on the table, Minho still watching absently the TV while playing with Jisung’s
fingers. Jeongin and Changbin had disappeared but according to how sick Jeongin looked earlier,
the best bet was that he had rushed to the bathroom, Changbin following him to take care of him if
he needed it. Felix silently sat next to Hyunjin who instantly shifted from having his head on
Jisung’s shoulder to press himself against Felix, resting on his shoulder instead.

“There you go, drink that..” Felix softly said, putting the hot mug between Hyunjin’s long fingers,
the bowl of fruit resting on his lap while he wrapped his own two hands around his mug as well.

“Thank you baby..” he said and his voice was indeed raspy like he had noticed earlier, proving
Chan’s point that Hyunjin’s throat usually hurt after drinking too much.

Felix raised one hand to put it on Hyunjin’s head, slowly and gently stroking his hair, strands
passing through his fingers as Hyunjin brought the mug to his lips, blowing on it for a second
before taking a small sip, closing his eyes and enjoying the taste, the soothing effect on his throat,
and, at the same time, the feeling of Felix’s hand in his hair. Felix took a few sip of his own drink,
keeping his eyes on Hyunjin, loving to see him against him like this, feeling soothed and calmed
simply by being able to admire him that way. For once he didn’t care what the others would think
seeing them pressed together like that. They weren’t doing anything that could give away their
relationship anyway, and the only person that wasn’t aware of things between them here was
Seungmin, since both Jeongin and Changbin weren’t downstairs with them. But nonetheless Felix
didn’t care, he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of Hyunjin against him, purring under his caress in
his hair, listen to the little content sigh escaping his lips each time he sipped on his tea and watch
his beautiful face being completely relaxed, with his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips.

After a few minutes, Felix reached into the fruit bowl to take a piece of fruit, bringing it to
Hyunjin’s lips. They came down because Hyunjin was hungry after all so Felix wanted to make
sure that he would eat enough before they got back upstairs, wanting to take care of him as well as
he could. He felt protective over Hyunjin, especially when the other boy was acting so cute and
calm in his arms, it always made Felix want to coddle him and give him everything he could.
Hyunjin parted his lips slightly, Felix pushing the grape in his mouth. Hyunjin closed his mouth
around it, slightly brushing Felix’s finger with his lips, all the while looking up at Felix like he
knew exactly what he was doing and it was no random gesture. This made Felix breath hitch
slightly, licking his parched lips.
Without breaking eye contact, a little sly smile on the corner of his lips, Hyunjin grabbed a grape in
the bowl, bringing it to Felix’s lips just like Felix had done for him a second ago. Felix obediently
opened his mouth for Hyunjin who pushed the fruit inside, Felix closing his lips around it and
around the tip of Hyunjin’s finger at the same time, since the boy left it against Felix’s mouth on
purpose. Hyunjin bit his lower lip, his eyes glued to Felix’s mouth as he took his hand away. Felix
too was now staring at Hyunjin’s lips, his heartbeat already quickening by the simple teasing
Hyunjin had done, feeling a strong pull to lean and close the distance between them to kiss his
plump lips. Of course he resisted his urge, but it was harder than he thought it would be, as
Hyunjin slid his tongue excruciatingly slowly along his bottom lip under Felix’s gaze.

Trying to clear his mind, to stop the inappropriate thoughts from flooding his head once more and
remind himself where they were and why, Felix grabbed a piece of apple from the bowl, leading it
to Hyunjin’s mouth once more. Hyunjin diligently parted his lips once again, despite his eyes never
looking away from Felix. Felix was careful to place the fruit between Hyunjin’s lips all the while
keeping his fingers at a safe distance to not get a repeat of what had just happened, already having
a hard enough time breathing correctly and not imagining Hyunjin’s lips on other parts of his body.
He was about to let out the breath he was holding when Hyunjin closed his lips around the fruit
without grazing his fingers while doing so, but once the piece of fruit was in his mouth, Hyunjin
grabbed Felix hand, keeping it in place in front of him, using the tip of his tongue to lick the tip of
Felix’s fingers, the taste of apple probably lingering on them from holding the fruit a second ago.
He was staring into Felix’s eyes while doing so and Felix forgot how to breath completely, his
body feeling instantly hot, his thighs pressing against one another as he felt himself getting aroused
already by Hyunjin’s teasing and the way he looked at him so hungrily.

“Can we go back to the room now..?” he asked quietly, for only Felix to hear, letting go of his
small hand. His voice was still raspy but Felix suspected his sore throat wasn’t the reason behind it
this time around, the sensual undertone of his words making it clear.

“You need to.. eat..” Felix tried to rationalize, barely managing to get a full sentence out of his
mouth as his eyes were drifting toward Hyunjin’s lips every second, his mind already filled with all
sorts of inappropriate images of what Hyunjin could mean by ‘going back to the room’.

“I intend to..” Hyunjin smirked, his voice full of innuendos, making Felix’s cheek instantly turn a
brighter shade of pink. “ We can take that with us..” he whispered, taking the bowl of fruit out of
Felix’s hands. “Let’s just go..” he added, with that seductive, commanding tone of his that always
drove Felix absolutely crazy.

And so, stunned, entranced and already slightly aroused, Felix couldn’t do anything but to nod,
gulping as Hyunjin got up, grabbing him by the hand, eager to get him alone once more.
 Please, Touch Me
Chapter Notes

Little warning for those who don't like smut, this chapter contains a little bit of it~
I hope it's still good and that you'll like this chapter as much as the others though! ♥

Hyunjin silently left the living room followed by Felix, entangling their fingers as soon as they
arrived in the staircase, where it was just the two of them. They walked up to their room without
exchanging a word but it was clear by their quick strides that both of them were eager to be alone
as soon as possible, wanting to be in each other's arms in a way that they couldn’t when others were
around. Felix didn’t know if Hyunjin was, once more, teasing him and simply wanted some
cuddles and alone time under the covers or if, like the look in his eyes and his words earlier
suggested, the other boy finally wanted to take their relationship to the next level. But one way or
another Felix was okay with it. Being with Hyunjin, laying in his arms was enough for him, no
matter how badly he wanted him, more and more as days passed.

As soon as they made it to the room and the door was closed behind them, Hyunjin got rid of the
bowl in his hands by tossing it on the desk closest to the door. Before Felix could even see him
move or comprehend what was happening, his back was pressed against the door, Hyunjin’s hands
on both his cheeks, his lips firmly pressed against his. It didn’t take his body long to reciprocate
though, since he had been waiting for this moment for a while already. His hands went up to
Hyunjin’s chest, his fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. Hyunjin inhaled sharply, leaning back
ever so slightly, breaking the kiss way too soon for Felix’s taste.

“I didn’t think I would be able to wait for us to be alone to do that..” Hyunjin chuckled, biting
softly his lower lip, his thumb caressing Felix’s cheek.

Felix knew exactly what Hyunjin meant, what he felt, because he felt the same way. The pull he
was feeling everytime he laid eyes on Hyunjin was crazy, something he had never felt before. It
was a powerful, inescapable need to touch him, to kiss him, to feel him against him at all times.
Felix should’ve been scared at how dependent he already was when Hyunjin was concerned, but he
couldn’t be worried when it felt so wonderful. Knowing that Hyunjin needed him just as much was
the cherry on top that made Felix’s heart skip a beat.

“Me neither..” Felix admitted, pulling slightly on Hyunjin’s shirt and getting on his toes to press his
lips against Hyunjin’s again.

Hyunjin was stunned for just a second by Felix taking action, since it was a rare occurrence. His
breathing hitched as Felix’s lips collided with his, but he gladly accepted Felix’s affection, moving
one of his arms to wrap it firmly around the other boy’s tiny waist, his other hand sliding from
Felix’s cheek to the back of his head, entangling his fingers in his soft pink strands. Finally, to
Felix's great pleasure, when he parted his lips, Hyunjin’s tongue invaded his mouth, dancing with
his own slowly, teasingly. Grabbing his hair gently but firmly, Hyunjin pulled on Felix’s strands,
tilting his head back further, making the smaller boy moan quietly in his mouth. At the sound
echoing in the silent room, the kiss became more feverish, Hyunjin’s grip tight around Felix, his
hand in his hair and the movement of his tongue against his becoming a little rougher, more
rushed.
In one swift motion, Hyunjin lifted Felix slightly in the air with his arm around him, his feet only a
few centimeters off the floor. He turned around, walking to the bed, never breaking the kiss
between them, not even when he lowered Felix onto the mattress, climbing on top of him. His
instincts taking over, Felix spread his legs for Hyunjin to slide between them, pressing his body
against his, their tongues passionately intertwined. When Hyunjin closed his teeth gently around
Felix’s bottom lip, nibbling it, sucking it in his mouth, Felix hips rolled under him, his body
searching for friction, to release the arousal that was slowly but surely building inside him. Hyunjin
groaned at the sensation, a primal sound that reverberated through Felix's whole body, finishing its
course between his legs.

Hyunjin pressed himself between Felix’s legs harder, pinning him completely to the bed, one of his
hands quickly finding its way under Felix’s shirt to touch his bare skin.His teeth let go of Felix’s
lower lip as he crashed their mouths together once more, his tongue exploring every corner eagerly.
His fingers rode up Felix's chest, gliding on his skin, making his shirt ride up on his abdomen,
letting the skin of his stomach show. As Hyunjin let his fingers make their way down, every so
slightly grazing Felix’s bare skin with his nails, he also let go of his lips, angling his face in his
neck instead to attack it with kisses.

Felix was already overstimulated, every touch, every brush of Hyunjin’s lips driving him more and
more crazy by the second. He could feel himself getting harder, the fabric of his pants getting
tighter around him. He wondered for a second if Hyunjin, pressed against him, could feel it too, but
his mind was too busy with Hyunjin’s touch to dwell on anything else. The long fingers moved
from his chest to his abdomen, tracing a line between his defined abs excruciatingly slowly before
landing on his lower abdomen, grazing the edge of his pants over and over again, playing with the
waistband, torturing Felix in the most delicious way. After one more kiss in his neck Hyunjin
brushed Felix’s skin with his teeth, nibbling on his neck gently, driving Felix over the edge. Biting
his lip to try and muffle the moan coming out of his mouth, Felix rolled his hips, rubbing against
Hyunjin through their clothes once more, his back arching ever so slightly, his whole body
desperate for more.

With a groan, Hyunjin buried his face in Felix’s neck, his breathing deep and uneven for a second,
the tip of his fingers sliding under the waistband, not moving any further, Felix already slightly
panting in his ear. Felix could feel Hyunjin trying to restrain himself, trying to stop himself from
going any further. He loved the fact that even after all that, even after seeing how aroused Felix
was, he still tried to go as slowly as Felix might need. But he couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t
wait and he didn’t want to, all he wanted was Hyunjin’s hands on him, to get the sweet release he
had been so desperate for for days now.

“Hyunjin..” he breathed in the other boy’s ear, rolling his hips against him once more, this time on
purpose.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched as he leaned away from Felix’s neck, facing him, looking him in the eye.
His irises were dark, his eyes full of barely refrained need and want, his breathing shallow. He
wanted this just as much as Felix, the boy was sure of it.

“Baby?” he asked, his voice low, raspy.

He was asking for permission from Felix more than anything else with this word and Felix was
aware of it. Hyunjin wanted to take things slow but he was at his breaking point too, wanting to
touch Felix and so Felix didn’t want for them to have to wait any longer. He felt like his body
would combust if Hyunjin stopped right there.

“Please, Hyunnie..” he almost moaned, looking at the other with a little nod, giving him the
permission he was looking for.

With a sharp inhale, Hyunjin pressed his lips against Felix softly, clearly refraining his passion as
he slowly slid his fingers under the waistband, his whole hand finally disappearing under the fabric
of Felix’s pants. In a second, Hyunjin’s large hand was cupping him through his boxers. The
pressure of his hand on his hard member, even with a band of fabric between the two, was
exquisite. Felix was arching his back, trying to press himself against Hyunjin’s hand harder
without thinking, the only thing on his mind being the sensation of his touch.

“Fuck..” Hyunjin breathed against Felix’s lips, leaning back to look at him. “You’re already so hard
for me baby..” he growled, clearly pleased and aroused by that fact, squeezing his fingers around
him through the fabric, just a little bit more.

“Hyunjin..” Felix moaned again, biting his lower lip, his eyes already half closed, the feelings too
much for him to handle despite Hyunjin only palming him through his boxers.

“You want more baby? Tell me..” he whispered, his free hand sliding on Felix’s bottom lip, freeing
it from Felix’s teeth, the most sensual, hungry smile on the corner of his mouth.

“Please.. Please touch me..” Felix begged, his voice low, his cheeks flushed.

“So eager..” Hyunjin groaned happily, his eyes shining with pure lust. “So pretty..” he whispered.

His hand moved, his fingers quickly finding the rim of his boxers and sliding under it. Soon he was
wrapping his long fingers around him. Felix was fitting perfectly in his warm hand and at the
feeling of his skin against his, Felix's breath caught in his throat, as he closed his eyes completely.

“Look at me.” Hyunjin commended firmly, his fingers grabbing his chin to force Felix to face him.

Felix obeyed instantly, Hyunjin commanding tone simply adding to his arousal. If Felix thought
there was no better feeling than having Hyunjin’s hand finally wrapped around him, he changed his
mind when Hyunjin actually started to stroke his cock, in slow deliberate movements. Felix hadn’t
been touched like that in a long time. He hadn’t even touched himself that way in a while and from
the very first stroke his body melted, his eyes searching Hyunjin’s gaze, arching his back to lean
into the touch.

The pressure of Hyunjin’s hand around him was perfect, the slow strokes were driving him crazy,
his body tingling, pleasure rolling in waves in his belly each time his hand reached the tip of his
cock and slid back down. Hyunjin was watching him intensly, holding his breath, his eyes glued to
Felix’s face to admire his every reaction. After a few strokes he picked up the pace ever so slightly,
his fingers sliding around Felix’s cock quicker, Felix throbbing in his hand, his hips rolling
instinctively to the same rhythm. A long moan escaped his lips, not as muffled or discreet as the
previous ones and, embarassed by how much he was enjoying himself, he hid his face in his hand,
the intensity of Hyunjin’s gaze on him almost as much of a turn on as his caress.

“I said.. Look at me.” Hyunjin ordered once more, his free hand grabbing Felix’s wrist to pry his
fingers away from his face, pinning his hand above his head so he could look at Felix’s flushed
face once more and witness the pleasure distorting his features.

He squeezed Felix cock tighter in his grip, possessively, his strokes becoming faster still, the
pleasure building dangerously quickly in Felix’s belly. Hyunjin leaned to eagerly press his lips
against Felix’s, his tongue forcing the entrance quickly, all the while keeping his eyes open,
enjoying the view of Felix squirming under him. The kiss was sloppy and feverish, but Hyunjin’s
caress on Felix’s cock were still strong, fast and precise. More and more Felix was moaning, the
sounds lost in Hyunjin’s mouth. He was rolling his hips messily, trying to match the pace, feeling
his release coming closer and closer, too quickly.

“Hyunjin, I’m.. Stop, I’m going to..” he tried to formulate against Hyunjin’s lips, between panting
and moaning.

“Shhh, baby.. “ Hyunjin whispered. “Let go.. Cum for me..”

Felix didn’t want it to finish so fast, he wanted to touch Hyunjin, he wanted them to become one
finally, he wanted it to last forever. But he had been starved for this touch for so long, his body
demanded release. Hyunjin’s fast strokes paired with his words that turned Felix on even more,
drove him over the edge despite him wanting to hold off. And in a long guttural moan that Hyunjin
muffled with his mouth, Felix's body tensed up, the pleasure in his stomach exploding as he came
all over Hyunjin’s long fingers, in his boxers, white little stars filling his vision.

He was vaguely aware, after that, of Hyunjin slowly taking his hand away, bringing it to his lips to
lick off the few drops of cum coating his fingers, watching Felix with as much cockyness as
endearment in his eyes. In his post orgasm daze, he barely felt Hyunjin grabbing paper towels in
his night stand and quickly cleaning him up, pulling his pants off of him in the process, being soft
and gentle in every single one of his movements. Finally, Hyunjin leaned back on top of Felix,
brushing his lips with his ever so softly.

“Was it good?” he asked quietly.

All Felix could do was to nod, the movement so small it was barely noticeable because his body
felt so heavy from the monumental orgasm he just had. Never had he achieved such a powerful
orgasm simply by being touched like that. Thinking of it, he wasn’t sure he ever had such an
orgasm even during sex altogether. He didn’t have a lot of experience, but he could still remember
the few times he had had flings and one night stands, and they couldn’t even compare to what
Hyunjin just offered him. He could barely imagine what it would be when they went all the way.
Thinking about that made Felix feel guilty for cumming this quickly when he wanted to share the
pleasure with Hyunjin, who was now left excited and probably frustrated.

“I wanted to..” Felix pouted, unable to finish his sentence.

“One step at a time baby..” Hyunjin softly breathed, brushing Felix’s hair out of his face. “All I
wanted was to make you feel good. I wasn’t waiting for anything from you. I just.. needed to touch
you. We have all the time in the world for the rest.” he said so lovingly it made Felix’s heart flutter,
as he silently nodded his understanding. “Come on, let’s get you into the shower before you fall
asleep, alright?” he softly chuckled, leaning away from Felix and getting up from the bed.

Felix would have prefered going back to sleep indeed, but he knew Hyunjin was right, after that he
definitely needed a shower. So even though his body was screaming for him to rest, he sighed,
grabbing the hand that Hyunjin was extending to him, letting the other boy hoist him out of bed.
He landed between Hyunjin arms and looking up, he caught the boy smiling at him lovingly, his
gaze warm and happy. Felix got on his toes, pressing a soft, very quick kiss on Hyunjin’s lips,
acting out of instinct.

“Thank you..” he said sheepishly. It was weird to thank someone for something like that, but he
felt like he needed to say it for some reason, despite feeling embarrassed by it. Maybe because he
still felt guilty that he didn’t offer Hyunjin the same thing.

“Don’t thank me yet.. “ Hyunjin chuckled. “This was just a preview compared to all the things I’m
going to do to you baby..” he added, whispering the words before pressing his lips against Felix’s
once more, the other boy blushing furiously but secretly wishing the moment where Hyunjin would
do those things to him would come sooner rather than later. “You’re so pretty when you cum for
me.. I want to see it again and again..” he continued and Felix quickly hid his burning red face,
burying it in Hyunjin’s chest who laughed softly, patting his head. “But let’s focus on that shower
first, alright?”

Holding onto him, maybe because he was scared Felix would collapse on his own, Hyunjin led
Felix to the bathroom, entering the room with him and finally letting him go to turn on the water,
checking the temperature. He was acting so caringly even though he was the one who had
pleasured Felix in the first place and had received nothing in exchange, that it simply made Felix
feel even more guilty. He really wanted to touch Hyunjin, he wanted to make him feel just as good
as he felt a second before. He didn’t have Hyunjin’s experience and he was scared he wasn’t going
to be good enough, but what mattered most to him was to at least try. Because if Felix knew one
thing it was that he wanted to make Hyunjin his and he wanted to feel him flinch and throb under
his hands, hear him moan and call his name. Nothing would make him happier than those things.

Once he was pleased with the temperature of the water, Hyunjin came back to Felix, silently
grabbing the edge of Felix’s shirt and pulling it above his head, leaving the boy in only his boxers,
leading him closer to the running shower.

“Alright baby, I’ll be waiting to cuddle you, so don’t take too long.” he said with a little pout,
hiding a smile.

But Felix didn’t want him to leave, he had other things in mind. So before Hyunjin could turn
away, Felix stopped him by grabbing his hand. His other hand went to the edge of Hyunjin’s pants,
his fingers hooking themselves around his belt, already working to undo his belt buckle. He looked
up at Hyunjin who was biting his lip, a surprised, but definitely still aroused look in his eyes at
Felix’s behavior.

“Stay with me..” Felix pleaded with a small, shy voice, looking up expectantly at Hyunjin.
 Take A Shower With Me..

“Baby you..” Hyunjin started, looking at Felix with barely disguised desire but, as always,
refraining himself.

He had said to Felix he didn’t expect him to do anything, probably because despite pleasuring him,
Hyunjin still wanted to let Felix go slow, go at his own pace. Yes, he had touched him, caressed
him until he lost himself between his fingers, but still he didn’t ask, didn’t expect anything in
return. Still he didn’t want to pressure Felix or ask anything of him.

“Just to shower.. Please?” Felix asked innocently, looking up at him with a little shy pout, his
fingers making quick work of Hyunjin’s belt buckle.

Once the belt was unbuckled, Felix’s fingers swiftly unbuttoned Hyunjin’s pants, pulling on his
shirt to free it from the waistband, his small hands already grabbing onto the rim of it. Hyunjin
breathed through his teeth, biting his lower lip but not moving to stop Felix who was feeling more
bold because of it. Slowly he started to lift up Hyunjin’s shirt, exposing his skin more and more as
seconds went by, his fingers grazing his abdomen on purpose all the while. He could feel Hyunjin
tense at the contact, his skin covered in small goosebumps, his eyes already half closed.

“Take a shower with me Hyunnie..” Felix said in his deep voice, sheepish but a little more
confident than he usually was, seeing the effect he had on Hyunjin.

Getting on his toes Felix continued to lift the shirt until it reached the point where he needed
Hyunjin to lift his arms so he could get rid of the piece of fabric altogether. He leaned to press his
lips ever so softly at the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth, barely touching his lips.

“Please?” he asked once more, almost just a whisper against Hyunjin’s skin before he leaned away.

Gulping quietly, Hyunjin silently nodded, looking at Felix, his irises dark, his lips parted, waiting
and observing every one of Felix’s movements, amazed by him taking charge for once. He lifted
his arms as a small victorious smile found its place on Felix’s lips and the smaller boy slid the shirt
above Hyunjin’s head, throwing it to the side once he finally managed to get it off completely,
getting rid of it. He let his hands fall on Hyunjin’s naked chest. It was the first time he was seeing
him that way and he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander on his perfect, smooth skin, his finely
defined muscles. His hands slowly slid down, his eyes following the same path. Down, down,
down, tracing a fine line with the tip of his fingers from Hyunjin’s pecs to his abs, to finally lend
on the edge of his pants. It seemed like Hyunjin had stopped breathing altogether, even though his
chest was rising and falling quicker than usual. Felix wasn’t even totally aware of it though,
entranced and enchanted by the sight Hyunjin was offering him, by the wonderful feeling of his
hot, bare skin against his fingertips.

“Just to shower..” Hyunjin repeated Felix's words, so softly it was barely audible.

Grabbing onto the rim of Hyunjin’s pants, Felix nodded, finally looking up at him while his hands
pulled the fabric down, letting it fall around Hyunjin’s legs until it hit the floor around his ankles.
Hyunjin quickly stepped out of them, shoving the pants to the side with his foot, his eyes locked on
Felix, his hands finally reaching for him, resting on his hips, his fingers playing with the rim of his
boxers, sliding under it.

“Let’s get you out of these then..” he whispered, a little smile on the corner of his lips as he pulled
the last piece of fabric hiding Felix’s body down without waiting.
Felix’s mouth watered at the idea of pulling down Hyunjin’s boxers as well, to finally discover
him completely and fully, to finally see the part of him he had fantasized about for days now. Just
like Hyunjin had done, Felix brought his fingers to the edge of his*s boxers, sliding them under the
rim of the piece of fabric. He was looking up at Hyunjin’s face though, not wanting to look down
just yet, to seem too eager even though he had said to Hyunjin they were only here to take a shower
and nothing else. Hyunjin was biting his lower lip once more, periodically letting the tip of his
tongue peek out from between his lips, clearly aroused by Felix’s behavior, by him taking off his
clothes. Encouraged by the look in Hyunjin’s eyes, Felix finally pulled down the last piece of
fabric between them, keeping his eyes up despite how tempting it was to admire Hyunjin’s body
instead.

Once they were both naked, Felix took a few steps back, stepping in the shower and letting the hot
water hit his body, extending a hand towards Hyunjin, inviting him to join him inside the shower.
Hyunjin stayed unmoving for a second, taking in the sight of Felix, dripping wet under the shower
head, totally naked and waiting for him. Slowly he walked towards Felix, grabbing his hand and
letting the boy pull him closer inside. The shower wasn’t big, there was space for the two of them,
but they had to stay pretty close to one another. Not as close as Felix wanted to get though. Letting
go of Hyunjin’s hand, he ran his fingers on the skin of Hyunjin’s chest, sliding up to find his
shoulders, getting on his toes and leaning to kiss him once more, pulling him closer, under the
shower head with him.

Hyunjin naturally responded to the kiss, his hands instantly finding Felix’s cheeks, sliding in his
hair. Still he kept the kiss slow and soft, despite Felix trying to part his lips and deepen it. After a
second Hyunjin leaned away with a little smile, but his breath was quick and uneven and Felix
could feel him against his stomach, getting harder than he already was, aroused by the whole
situation. It made Felix feel good inside, feel powerful and bold, to know that seeing him naked
and kissing him had this kind of effect on a man as beautiful and perfect as Hyunjin himself.

“Baby..” Hyunjin warned.

Felix nodded silently, obediently, taking a step back and grabbing the bodywash on the side,
spurting some liquid in his hand under Hyunjin’s watchful eye. Slowly he placed his hand on
Hyunjin’s chest, letting the soap drip on his skin and rubbing it gently against his pecs, on his
shoulders and going down on his abdomen. He was being meticulous, cleaning Hyunjin, touching
every part of his chest in the process. The water was already washing all the soap away as soon as
it touched Hyunjin’s skin, but Felix didn’t care, keeping up with his caress, his hands slowly going
further down.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched as Felix got closer and closer to his goal, but that didn’t stop him, his
hand sliding on the smooth skin until his fingers could wrap themselves around Hyunjin’s cock,
already hard and ready. Only then did Felix look down, finally admiring Hyunjin’s member in all
its glory. He was big, Felix’s small fingers barely able to wrap themselves entirely around him.
Still he gave one slow stroke, looking at his hand sliding along the length. Hyunjin quickly but
gently grabbed his wrist, Felix taken away from his contemplation to look up at Hyunjin instead.

“Let me..” Felix pleaded, looking at Hyunjin with those innocent eyes of his, still filled with
unfiltered desire.

Hyunjin inhaled through his teeth, looking at Felix. It was clear a battle was raging on in his mind,
between letting Felix give him what he very obviously wanted, risking the fact that Felix might be
doing it to please him and not because he really wanted it, or stopping him to let him go at his own
pace but forcing himself to stay frustrated and hard. But Felix wanted this, he didn’t feel pressured
in the slightest, on the contrary, as glad as he was thar Hyunjin was being so considerate, he was
getting a little frustrated by how much restraint the other boy was showing when he, himself, could
barely contain himself from jumping on him, begging him to take him once and for all.

“Let me touch you, please..” Felix breathed.

As an incentive, he moved his hand slowly, applying more pressure around Hyunjin’s cock as he
gave it a gentle stroke once more, Hyunjin shuddering in his hand, breathing heavily. After a
second, he offered Felix a nod, his restraint finally disappearing, only desire and lust shining on his
face. Empowered by Hyunjin’s approval, by the pure look of need in his eyes, Felix started to
lower his body, carefully putting his knees against the shower floor, his fingers still wrapped
around Hyunjin’s cock who was now only a few centimeters away from his face.

“Fuck.. Baby, no, you don’t have to..” Hyunjin quickly swore, a little bit of concern flashing
through his eyes, mixed with the clear signs of how aroused seeing Felix on his knees made him.

“I want to..” Felix confronted him, looking up, tilting his head to see Hyunjin’s face from his
position.

“Are.. you sure?” Hyunjin asked softly, his hand reaching for Felix’s head, his fingers brushing his
wet hair back and out of his face, always making sure Felix was comfortable with the situation
despite the fact that Felix could feel him pulse in his hand from anticipation.

As an answer, Felix opened his mouth, looking down, and taking out his tongue to lick the tip of
Hyunjin’s cock in front of him, sliding his tongue against his slit very slowly. He heard Hyunjin
swear quietly between his teeth again, his hand still softly laying on Felix's head, his fingers
intertwined in his pink strands. Felix reproduced the movement, lapping the precum glistening on
Hyunjin’s tip. Hearing Hyunjin’s breath hitch and quicken, Felix confidently opened his mouth
more, slowly taking the tip of Hyunjin’s cock in his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he pushed
Hyunjin’s member a little further in, not taking all of him just yet. He let his hand stroke the base
while his mouth was taking care of the tip, his tongue sliding around Hyunjin avidly.

Hyunjin monaed, the sound echoing in the room, wonderful music to Felix’s ears, proof that he
was doing good. This encouraged him to take Hyunjin’s cock further in his mouth, pushing him
inside more and more until his mouth was completely full, the tip of Hyunjin’s dick hitting the
back of his throat. One thing Felix had discovered during his few one night stands was that he had
no gag reflex, a very handy skill in those situations. When Hyunjin’s cock hit the back of Felix's
throat, Hyunjin’s fingers clenched around Felix’s pink strands.

“Fuck..” he moaned, his voice raw. “Baby, you don’t..” he tried to say, probably wanting to tell
Felix he didn’t have to do that once again.

But Felix didn’t want to hear it and, to shut him up, he took Hyunjin’s cock almost entirely out of
his mouth, just to push it back inside once more in a quick motion, his lips sliding around him,
Hyunjin’s hardness once more hitting the back of his throat. The sensation had not only Hyunjin
moaning once more but Felix too. This was turning him on, having Hyunjin filling his mouth so
completely, moaning and shuddering under his touch. He moaned around Hyunjin’s cock, the
vibrations around his member making Hyunjin grab onto Felix’s hair tighter, using his other hand
to keep himself upright by leaning against the shower wall behind him.

Felix’s hand, now useless since Felix could fit Hyunjin’s cock entirely in his mouth, slid down
between Hyunjin’s legs, cupping his testicles, caressing them and massaging them between his
fingers gently and carefully, all the while letting his lips and tongue play with Hyunjin’s dick,
going up and down on it. Hyunjin was panting, small moans escaping his lips here and there. With
his hands in Felix’s hair he started to unconsciously apply some pressure on Felix’s head, trying to
set his own pace. And Felix loved that, loved seeing Hyunjin slowly taking back control. Despite
how eager he had been, acting so bold, Felix prefered when Hyunjin was dictating things his way.
This was a big turn on for him, being told what to do, being dominated in a way. That was one of
the reasons why Chan had called him kinky. And so Felix happily followed Hyunjin’s pace,
sucking him quicker and quicker, hollowing his cheeks and sliding his tongue along and around
his members with each stroke of his mouth.

“Look at me.” Hyunjin commanded, the words just a groan uttered through his teeth.

And Felix obeyed, looking up, feeling tingles in his stomach, aroused to no end by Hyunjin’s tone,
by his habit of commanding him, even in such a situation. Hyunjin was perfectly, beautifully
disheveled, his black, wet hair falling in front of his eyes, his lips parted, his chest rising and
falling quickly, pleasure and hunger distorting his gorgeous features.

“Your pretty lips look so good around me baby..” he groaned possessively, leading Felix’s head up
and down his length again, his fingers tight in Felix’s hair. “Fuck.. I’m not gonna last if you look at
me like that..” he moaned once more, Felix looking at him while his tongue swirled around his tip,
sliding along his length, following the rhythm Hyunjin was imposing. “Baby.. Shit, it’s so good..”
he swore, throwing his head back with a guttural moan, forcing Felix to pick up the pace once
more around his member, his eyes quickly coming back down to look at him.

Hyunjin fucked Felix’s mouth hard and fast for a few seconds, grunting, moaning and never taking
his eyes off Felix, staring deep into his eyes, his tongue periodically running on his lower lip, the
pleasure more and more clear on his features. Felix could feel him throb and pulse in his mouth,
growing bigger and he knew Hyunjin was close. Anticipation started to rise in Felix’s chest, eager
to give Hyunjin the release he wanted, to make him feel good.

“I’m so close..” Hyunjin grunted, pulling on Felix's hair, gently but firmly, forcing him to take
Hyunjin’s cock fully out of his mouth. “If you don’t want to..” he started.

Felix knew what he was going to say and, for all answer, he stuck out his tongue, his mouth open,
ready to receive what Hyunjin had to give. He wanted to please him until the end, he wanted to feel
him crumble under his touch, and he was glad and grateful Hyunjin was making sure he was okay
with it, but he had no intention to stop before he was done.

“Fuck..” he swore for the umpteenth time, the sight of Felix that way was, alone, almost enough to
make him cum right them and there.

He pulled Felix’s head closer once more, Felix eagerly taking him in his mouth again, sliding his
lips from the tip to the base easily. He pumped in his mouth feverishly, his hips moving more than
Felix’s head, properly fucking his mouth roughly, Felix moaning around his cock again and again,
loving the feeling of it hiting the back of his throat with each thrust of Hyunjin’s hips. And after a
few deep strokes, a long, low, raw moan escaped Hyunjin’s lips and Felix finally felt his hot cum
hit his tongue and slide down his throat. He swallowed everything Hyunjin had to offer him, not
missing a drop, lapping his slit once more for good measure before Hyunjin leaned back, his tired
cock leaving Felix’s mouth for good.

Felix was about to try and get back onto his feet, his knees hurting, but Hyunjin was the one
coming down to his level to meet him, crouching low. He took Felix’s head between his hands, not
missing a beat and leaning to press his lips against his. He was suddenly so soft, so gentle that it
was a complete turn-around from the way he was roughly taking his mouth just a second ago. Now
that he had managed to reciprocate, now that he had made Hyunjin feel good, Felix felt suddenly
exhausted. But happier than ever from what he had just accomplished. Still the embarrassment and
doubt finally started to hit him and he was getting worried that he had under performed. Hyunjin’s
reactions during the whole ordeal should’ve been enough to prove to him how much pleasure he
took in it, but his mind couldn’t help but remind him that Hyunjin had experience and probably had
had better. After a few slow seconds Hyunjin leaned back, breathless and still panting softly.

“Was.. Was it good?” Felix asked sheepishly, his cheeks burning, biting his lower lip nervously.

“Baby..” Hyunjin chuckled, in disbelief that Felix could even ask this question. “It was perfect..
You’re perfect..” he whispered lovingly, pressing his lips against Felix’s forehead, his thumbs
caressing his wet cheeks gently. “Absolutely perfect..” he added, almost like he was talking to
himself quietly, looking down at Felix with so much emotion in his eyes, it made Felix's heart
swell up. “And such a naughty boy too.. Who would’ve thought?” he teased after a second,
chuckling.

“Stop it..” Felix whined, finally hiding his burning red face behind his hands.

Hyunjin laughed softly, caressing Felix’s wet hair in a soothing, comforting motion. After a little
while he grabbed both Felix’s hands, getting up and pulling Felix with him, letting the water hit
them both as he took the bottle of body wash, putting some liquid in his hand and spreading it on
Felix’s torso.

“Let’s finish this quickly, I think we both deserve a good nap now..” Hyunjin chuckled, focusing
on his task with a small, content smile lingering at the corner of his lips.
 Tell Me Everything
Chapter Summary

Heya there! I'm sorry there wasn't an update yesterday, yet again. I'm having kind of a
hard time lately, nothing to worry about but it is what it is. So I did have a harder time
writing a chapter quickly enough this time around. I'll try not to let that happen too
much but I hope you can understand~

Side note: NOTHING happens in that chapter, but I hope you won't find it too boring
nonetheless. I guess I needed to write something calmer for once but it ended up not
being very exciting.. Sorry sorry~ ♥

The rest of their shower passed quickly in a tired silence, the two of them washing each other with
little smiles, Hyunjin never missing an opportunity to drop a kiss or two on Felix’s face, his
shoulders or his head. Once they were done, both wrapped in towels they rushed back to their
rooms, each jumping in a clean pair of boxers and, before Felix could put on pyjamas, Hyunjin
simply pulled him into bed, throwing the blanket over their bodies and wrapping him tightly in his
arms, sharing his warmth.

This position, laying on his side, face to face with Hyunjin, sharing a pillow under their heads
while their bodies were intertwined with one another’s, had become natural to Felix already and it
made him feel incredibly safe, protected. His eyes were heavy and so was his body. He hadn’t had
an orgasm like that in a very long time and they were still both very hungover on top of that, so his
body was starting to have some troubles keeping up with the rest. The feeling of his skin directly
against Hyunjin’s, the warmth of his body engulfing him was particularly soothing, relaxing and
Felix was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

“... so lucky?” Felix heard Hyunjin’s voice as the other boy was softly stroking his arm up and
down with the tip of his fingers. He was already starting to drift off to sleep, not catching his whole
sentence.

“Um?” Felix asked, more a little hum than a word, blinking a few times to try and keep himself
awake.

Hyunjin chuckled quietly, his fingers brushing Felix’s hair out of his face before leaning to press
the softest kiss on his forehead, his lips lingering there for a long second before leaning away.

“Sleep, baby..” he whispered, still caressing his hair slowly, gently.

“Okay..” Felix mumbled, the only thing he could get past his lips.

He slid his arms around Hyunjin, wrapping himself around him, soaking in his warmth and his
reassuring scent that made him feel so safe and calm, settling his head against his chest and
nuzzling his nose against his bare skin, closing his eyes. Hyunjin kept passing his fingers through
the pink strands while his other hand was resting on Felix’s lower back, drawing little circles on his
smooth skin with the tip of his fingers. He rested his chin on the top of the smaller boy’s head,
kissing his hair before closing his own eyes, listening to Felix’s breathing. The two of them quickly
drifted off into a peaceful, well-needed sleep, holding onto each other more lovingly than ever
before.

The both of them drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the day and all through the night,
probably like the rest of the house which stayed uncharastically quiet throughout the hours. Each
time Felix opened his eyes, he would simply watch over Hyunjin for a few moments, admiring
him, flawless as always even in his sleep, with his eyelids softly fluttering, his lips ever so slightly
parted, quiet sounds and words escaping his mouth and disappearing in the darkness of the room
every so often. And then, satisfied with his momentary gazing, he would snuggle against his body
again and would fall back asleep with his heart fluttering happily and a soft smile on his lips. What
he didn’t know was that when Hyunjin woke up, he would do the same, looking at Felix for an
absurdly long time, simply committing every single freckle on his face to memory, caressing his
hair, his heart swelling up at each slow, soft breath Felix took, each time afraid to close his eyes to
realize, when he would open them again, that it was all a dream. But each time the warmth of Felix
against him and that adorable way he had of nuzzling his nose against Hyunjin’s chest in his sleep,
unaware of it, would soothe and melt his heart just a bit more, comforting him enough to let him
drift back into sleep once more.

The last time Felix opened his eyes, he knew it was the next morning already. His body was stiff
from sleeping so much, and slightly aching from sleeping in an unconventional position, wrapped
around Hyunjin. His stomach too was protesting against the amount of time it had been left
unattended for. Still all he wanted to do was to stay right there and listen to Hyunjin breath and talk
in his sleep. He knew how much Hyunjin loved having him by his side when he woke up. Or,
more accurately, he knew how much Hyunjin disliked waking up alone when Felix was supposed
to be in his arms.

So he dragged it out for as long as he could, keeping up with his new found hobby of simply
watching Hyunjin. The boy in his arms had nothing special to do for Felix to find him fascinating,
a little more every time he laid eyes on him. Hyunjin’s very existence was a blessing in Felix’s
eyes. Not only because he had never seen someone so beautiful, ethereal, in his life. Not only
because he was one of the most talented men he had ever met, one of the most dedicated and
hardworking persons he knew. But also because laying in his arms, he felt like he had met
someone he was meant for. Someone that his heart and soul had been searching for tirelessly for
years now. It was a weird feeling, a scary one, one that proved him just how much Hyunjin already
meant to him, forcing him to face his real feelings for the boy despite him not having put words on
it aloud yet. So, it was a blessing, because if there was no Hwang Hyunjin in the universe, maybe
Felix would’ve never found that very special person that made him feel that very special way.

Still, despite how much he wanted to stay there until Hyunjin opened his eyes, he knew the boy
was known for being the one sleeping late the most and his whole body was starting to scream at
him to move, the grumbling in his tummy joining the chorus. So begrudgingly but very carefully,
he wiggled out of Hyunjin’s grasp, leaving the warmth of the blanket and the warmth of his body
to tiptoe in the dark room. He fumbled for his backpack, only to find out that he already had used
all the clothes he had brought with him, all needing to get washed, all except a pair of black tight
jeans. He had left his house with almost nothing, not even a full bag of clothes, so it was bound to
happen at some point. Silently fumbling around to Hyunjin’s dresser, he simply picked up,
randomly, a crisp white shirt.

When he finally stepped out of the room, he was still buttoning up the shirt on top of his black
jeans, ripped at the knee. The shirt was way too big for him, the sleeves too long, but he couldn’t
care less, he usually liked wearing oversized clothing and the fact that this shirt was Hyunjin’s and
smelled like him was something that made him just the tiniest bit happier, like he could go
anywhere, do anything and still have Hyunjin with him in some way.

It was a little past 8am when he walked into the kitchen but still nobody was up, probably all
wanting to sleep in like Hyunjin had done, despite everyone spending half the day before resting.
Felix didn’t mind, he liked the quiet and the calm that filled the house early in the morning when
none of the other boys were up. He adored the chaos and how lively they all made the place of
course, but there was something soothing and reassuring about being alone with his thoughts just
for a few minutes or hours in the day. It was probably what it felt like when you lived with seven
other peoples 24/7. Even during the night he wasn’t alone, since he was spending his hours of
sleep with Hyunjin. So early the morning was his only little moment of solitude and contemplation
and despite the fact that he had only lived here for a few days, he had already learned to love these
little moments.

He spent very little time in the kitchen this time around though, fixing himself a cup of coffee and
filling a bowl with random cereals he found in a cupboard before moving on with both those things
in his hands. He could’ve baked something like he had done multiple times and that would’ve been
a fun little way of passing his free time, but Felix had something else in mind and now seemed like
the best time for it. So with his mug and his bowl of dry cereal, he walked to the entrance, opening
the door to the recording studio and made his way down the stairs.

It still felt a little bit weird to him to head down alone, like he didn’t belong there if at least one
other member wasn’t with him. He had to remind himself that he was part of the band too, that he
had as much a right as anyone else to be down there and that it was an important place for his work
now and so he was completely authorized to go downstairs on his own whenever he wanted. Still to
him it kinda felt like sneaking behind everyone else’s back for some weird reason.

The first time he had been in the studio, when he had heard the other members sing, when he had
recorded his first ever verse for them, Felix had taken an inventory of the room. There were a lot of
instruments there, acoustic and electric guitars, bass guitars, a drum set and, what had caught
Felix's attention the most at that time, a keyboard, pressed against one of the walls in the back of
the room. Learning the piano was the only music-related thing his parents ever authorized him to
do. Actually for a while they encouraged it, because it was a skill that was valued, well regarded,
that made him appear classy and well-off.

He didn’t like his lessons, because his professor seemed like he loved music about as much as
Felix’s parents did, despite his job, but still at that time he had been glad to be able to have music in
his life, even if he wasn’t allowed to play anything other than the classical pieces he was ordered to
learn. Of course when his parents had deemed he was “good enough”, they made him quit piano to
focus on yet another extra-curricular activity and Felix had had no say in the matter whatsoever. So
it had been a while since he actually played anything, but ever since he had seen that keyboard in
the studio, he had wanted to try and stretch out his fingers on the black and ivory keys, just to test it
out.

So even though he was ill at ease, even though it somewhat felt sacrilegious for him, he sat on the
little stool in front of the keyboard, putting his bowl and mug on the flat surface next to it, which
resembled a filling cabinet of some sort. At first he simply put his fingers on the keys, unmoving,
taking a deep breath. He knew he was still able to play, after many years learning it was a little like
riding a bike, his muscle memory would do most of the work. And still it was a little nerve-
wracking to have the possibility of creating music just at the tip of his fingers, because he had no
idea what he could do with all this freedom and all this power. For years he had yearned to play
whatever he wanted but had been confined to the few classical pieces he was authorized to practice
and play and now that he finally could play anything, even create a melody if he felt like it, his
mind was coming up blank.

So with a deep inhale, closing his eyes, he simply let his fingers run on the keys, playing the first
melody that came to his mind. He didn’t know the proper arrangement for this song but the melody
was similar enough with him playing it from memory. It was an old Adele song and he had heard
the song so many times, that even though he had never learned how to play it, he could recreate a
close enough version of it. The song reminded him of his younger sister. Olivia was obsessed with
ice skating, so much so that she would practice for hours and hours each week. Ice skating was, to
Olivia, what dancing was to Felix. The only difference was that she was getting recognition for it,
competing and winning prizes, explaining why their parents approved of her passion instead of
smothering it like they had done for Felix.

Felix couldn’t lie, he had always been a bit jealous of this freedom she had gained, to perform her
art the way she wanted to. Olivia was the treasure of the family, the jewel. And Rachel, his older
sister, was the pride and joy of their parents, the one that had followed every rule and was
successful in life. And in the middle of all that, Felix had always been the problematic kid, the one
who wanted to focus on useless things instead of making his parents proud, the one they simply
had to make the most with, without having too high expectations. Felix had lived that way for a
long time, it didn’t bother him as much anymore. It was what it was, and he didn’t resent his sisters
for it. They both worked hard and were good at what they did and as long as they could be happy,
he didn’t really care if it meant living trapped in their shadows.

Olivia had won her very first Junior Ice Skating Competition on that specific Adele song and so,
playing it reminded Felix of the countless time he had accompanied her to practice, the hours she
had spent listening to the song over and over again in her room annoying the hell out of him but,
most of all, he remembered the way she shined brighter than any star on the ice the night of her
performance, the pride he had felt watching her slide and twirl and the unaltered joy on her face
when she was handed her medal. Suddenly he missed his baby sister. They were close, as close as
they could be despite the fact that they rarely had an occasion to see each other, Olivia spending
most of the year in her boarding school. They tended to fight a lot when they were younger,
because since she was the youngest, their parents were a lot more lenient with her back then and
that used to piss off Felix who craved nothing more than a little bit of freedom. But they both grew
up, they both learned to coexist and to understand the other. She was still a massive pain in his ass
most of the time, but no matter what, it was his baby sister and he loved her.

As his fingers stopped on the keys, he felt the need to talk to her. He remembered promising her to
call her and explain the situation further the last time he facetimed with her. Back then he had been
in the car with Hyunjin and Chan, en route to the dance studio for the first time and he had
expedited the conversation quickly, not really explaining why he had been thrown out or what his
plan was or anything else. Despite how carefree Olivia always seemed, Felix knew deep down she
had to be worried about him. So fishing his phone out of his pocket, he dialed her number and
positioned the device on the little stand where he would usually put music sheets, waiting for her to
pick up the facetime call.

It was a Saturday and Felix knew that Olivia had probably returned to the boarding school since
the last time they spoke. So she should be awake and available, since it was later in the day in
Australia than it was in Korea. She might be busy, but knowing her, Felix was pretty certain she
wouldn’t be doing anything important right now. And it looked like he was right because after a
second or two, the ringtone stopped and the pretty face of his sister appeared on his screen. She
wasn’t alone though, in the background behind her Felix could spot her two best friends laying on
the bed with her.
“So you ARE alive, uh?” Olivia threw his way, a little pout on her lips, a raised eyebrow. Clearly
she wasn’t happy that Felix took so long to contact her again.

“Is it your brother?” one of her friends asked, to which Olivia nodded.

Both her friends rushed from behind her to come and flank her, each of them getting on one side of
Olivia, pressing themselves against her to appear on camera, waving and smiling while Olivia was
rolling her eyes with a sigh. Everytime Felix was calling her and she was with her friend, this
would happen. Apparently, according to Olivia, Heather and Sloane, her best friends, really liked
him, for reasons that Felix was unaware of and that Olivia had never wanted to discuss.

“Hi Felix!” they both exclaimed joyfully.

Felix chuckled and waved back at them with a smile and they both giggled, Olivia rolling her eyes
once more with a disgusted expression on her face, like the fact that her friends would be that
excited to see her big brother was simply nauseating to her.

“Hello girls.” he smiled. “Am I interrupting? I can call back later.” he then continued, directed to
his sister.

“No, just a little girl time you know. But I’m starting to rethink if it was such a good idea..” she
pouted, Heather poking her in the side with a little laugh, amused. “Plus, it might take you a week
to call me back again..” she added with a little accusatory tone.

“Sorry, sorry..” he said, holding his hands up in front of him. “It's been a.. weird and busy couple
of days..” he chuckled, realizing how much of an understatement this was.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure.” she rolled her eyes again, probably taking that as a bogus excuse. “More
importantly.. Where’s Chris? And where’s my prince charming?” she then asked, suddenly more
excited and this seemed to interest her friends too.

It could come off like Olivia didn’t care about Felix or what was going on with him lately, but
Felix knew it was just how Olivia was. She wasn’t one to show her affection easily, especially not
to him. She was snarky and was acting tough most of the time, like she didn’t care. But Felix knew
her better than that and the fact that she was so upset he hadn’t called sooner told him everything
he needed to know. She was worried and she did miss him. But poking at that fact wouldn’t lead
anywhere so he simply shrugged with a little endeared chuckle.

“Christopher and Hyunjin are sleeping. Everyone is. ” he explained.

It was still weird having her sister call Hyunjin her ‘prince charming”. She had seen him one time
through the phone when they were in the car and had asked him to be her future husband and
apparently she hadn’t forgotten about him since. Her, as well as Heather and Sloane seemed a little
bummed out at that fact. Felix was sure Olivia had told them about Hyunjin, hyping him up and
they all wanted to see him with their own eyes now. He couldn’t blame them, Hyunjin was
hypnotizing. He wondered what would be their faces though, if they knew Hyunjin wasn’t
available anymore and that Feix was the one sharing his bed. He wasn’t going to point that kind of
thing out to his baby sister and her young friends though.

“Everyone..? How many people are you living with exactly? And more importantly, are they all as
hot as my husband?” Olivia asked, her eyebrows raised.

Felix wanted to cringe at his little sister calling anyone “hot”. It wasn’t something he was used to
hearing from her and it wasn’t something he wanted to get used to either. She wasn’t a baby
anymore, she was a teenager and he knew how teenagers were, filled with hormones and fantasies.
He had been a teenager before. But when it came to his little sister, he prefered to live in blissful
ignorance, thinking she was as pure as snow and was never thinking about anyone as being “hot”
or “sexy”. As far as he was concerned, Olivia would never kiss or touch anyone until she was
married. Anything going against this reality he created in his mind, he tried to discard.

“Umm.. Seven other dudes and.. yeah, I guess they are..?” he said with a little grimace.

They were all hot, objectively speaking. Of course nobody could dethrone Hyunjin’s beauty in his
mind but he knew all the boys were extremely good looking, all in different ways. He was even
amazed, sometimes, when thinking about the fact that seven men as beautiful and talented as them
all, could all end up in one place at the same time by pure luck and fate.

“Se..Seven?!” Olivia exclaimed, almost choking on air and coughing for a second before pointing
at her camera. “Tell me everything!” she ordered, like the gossip-hungry teenager she was.
 My Husband
Chapter Summary

Sorry for not updating yesterday, again~ I'll try to get better at keeping up with the
daily update, I swear ♥

“Well.. What do you wanna know?” Felix laughed softly.

“First.. What the fuck happened to you hair?” Olivia asked, gesturing towards her screen with her
free hand.

He had completely forgotten he had changed his hair color since the last time she saw him. It was
probably one of the few times in her life she saw him with anything else than natural or blond hair.
He leaned closer to the screen, showing off his pink strands, passing a hand through it.

“Language!he first exclaimed. But he was in no place to scold her for that, especially at her age, so
he simply dropped it after she stuck her tongue out at him. “Do you like it?” he said, leaning back.

“You look like you have cotton candy stuck to your head.” his sister retorted with a stubborn pout.

“Don’t listen to her, you look great!” Sloane exclaimed, Heather giggling with a nod as Olivia
rolled her eyes.

“It’s alright.. I guess..” she finally said with that pout of hers.

Felix knew he wasn’t going to get better than that coming from her, but it was typical of her. She
rarely complimented him on anything. Not because she didn’t love him but because she was a
teenager and she was in that rebellious phase where she wanted everyone to see her as a tough
cookie. Gushing over your big brother all the time definitely didn’t look good for her image.

“And so, how did you end up with seven dudes anyway?” she asked quickly, changing the subject.

“Well you remember me telling you that Chris was part of a band right? Living with his bandmates
here in Korea and everything?”

Olivia nodded and so did Sloane and Heather, who probably had heard Olivia talk about Chan a
million times since they knew one another. Olivia really loved Chan, she had been infatuated with
him since she was a little girl. Usually little girls would get into their heads that they wanted to
marry their big brother or their father at some point during their childhood. Not Olivia. For Olivia,
Chan was the first boy she said she wanted to marry, when she was still just a whiny kid. So,
everytime Felix had Chan on the phone or texted with him after he left for Korea, Olivia would ask
for news. She also talked a lot with Lucas, Chan’s little brother, so she knew at least as much about
Chan’s lifestyle as Felix did before he came to live with him.

“So I live with the whole band. All seven of them.” he shrugged with a little smile

“So lucky..” he heard Heather mumble in the background, probably because he was living with
those seven “hot” guys.
“Did you hear their music? Are they good?” Olivia asked. “I miss hearing Christopher sing..” she
added with a little pout, suddenly resembling the little kid he knew so well.

“They are.. phenomenal Liv..” he answered genuinely, a proud, amazed little smile on his lips.
Despite the time spent with the boys, he was still shocked by the amount of talent they all
possessed and yet he still felt like he had only witnessed the tip of the iceberg. “And turns out, they
are way more popular than I thought.”

“What, like.. They do shows and stuff like that? I always thought Chris was playing in his basement
like he did back home.. she chuckled.

It amused Felix to hear his sister have the exact same thought process he had had when he first
came to live with Chan, before he knew more about Stray Kids, their music and their popularity.
So he laughed genuinely, reaching for his mug of coffee, that was almost cold already, sipping a
bit of it and shaking his head at the camera.

“More like they’re some sort of.. internet sensation, I guess? With a youtube channel and all that,
you know.” he explained calmly.

He had started to get used to that idea after spending hours watching videos after videos on their
official channel but the idea that there were so many people online who actually knew who Stray
Kids were was still pretty mind blowing to him. He had seen so many people in the comments
praise them, saying which member was their favorite and creating fan videos. He couldn’t help but
wonder how those people would react if he, too, started to appear in videos. Would he have fans
too? Or would they be disappointed by the new addition. Despite the great things he read about his
voice in that one song he had sang in, it was still something that terrified him, the idea of being
officially introduced to the fans online one day, to appear in videos. Because he wasn’t as good
looking as the others, not as funny or talented or entertaining and so he was scared people would
just not like him like they loved the others and that it would have a negative impact on the band’s
popularity as a whole. But Chan had added him to the group only two days before and so he tried
not to think about all that stuff too much just yet.

“What? No, impossible, I never even heard one of their songs..” Olivia said, in disbelief.

Felix hadn’t heard Chan’s music before coming to Korea either so it wasn’t surprising that Olivia
hadn’t. Though she was really close to Lucas so the boy could’ve shown her some but it seemed
like it wasn’t a subject they had talked about together. It wasn’t surprising though, Lucas always
had the biggest crush on Olivia and everyone knew that except Olivia herself, so everytime Olivia
would bring up how much she loved Chan in front of his little brother it would end up in him being
mopey and ignoring her. Through the years the young lady probably learned her lesson. Especially
since Felix was pretty sure Lucas’s crush was reciprocated, no matter the fact that Olivia was too
stubborn to admit it.

“I know, I was in the same boat..” he chuckled softly. "I’ll send you a link to their music if you
really want it but..” he stopped for a second, biting his lower lip with a little smirk. He was excited
to make the announcement to his sister but also a little scared that she would have the same things
in mind that their parents had, that he wasn’t good enough. He knew his sister wasn’t like that
though, so he took a breath and opened his mouth again. “Wanna hear something even crazier?” he
asked, barely containing his excitement now.

“What..?” she said, raising an eyebrow, clearly intrigued but also a little worried about whatever
Felix was about to announce.

“Chan invited me to join them..” he finally said after letting silence hang between them for a
suspenseful second.

“You mean..?” she asked, unsure.

“I’m part of the group, yeah!” he exclaimed, the warmest, happiest smile on his lips.

It was exciting to be able to announce it to someone who wasn’t part of their household, wasn’t
part of the band. Someone who was a part of his “old life”, the one in which nobody imagined that
he could ever succeed in that path. He knew his sister had always been more or less supportive of
his dreams, at least as much as she could be. But for most of her life she had simply known him as
everyone else had known him: repressed by his parents, following the rules and constantly
smothering his dreams and his talents all the while convincing himself he had none.

“So you’re.. making music again?” she asked softly and even though her face didn’t morph in pure
happiness, even though her tone was still pretty unbothered, Felix could swear he saw her eyes
light up completely at the news, even through the screen.

“Oh my god, Felix in a boy band, I need to see that!” Sloane squealed, Heather giggling and
nodding excitedly.

“Yeah, I am making music again.. Finally..” Felix said with a smile, it was clear in his tone and his
expression that he was relieved to be able to do it, because for a long time he thought it was
something he would never actually get to do in his life at all. “I’m in the studio actually, I was
practicing when I thought about calling you.” he explained, taking his phone to tilt it and show the
room behind him as well as the keyboard in front of him before putting the phone back in its initial
place.

“Piano?” Olivia asked, and knowing her like he did, he could hear the faint trace of excitement in
her voice.

Olivia loved listening to Felix play the piano when she was younger. Actually, when she was a kid,
she used to always sit in the room or even next to him on the stool whenever he would rehearse the
classical pieces he had been assigned by his professor. It was one of the only moments, in their
younger years, where they would spend quality time together without finding one reason or another
to bicker. It was one his fondest memories with his baby sister and apparently it was one she hadn’t
forgotten either, despite the number of years it had been since he had actually played any
instrument in the house.

“Could you.. I mean.. If you want to play something, that’s cool..” she said, trying to sound as
unbothered and uninterested as possible even though it was clear she simply wanted to ask him to
play something.

“Oh yes, Felix play something!" Sloane said with that whiny voice teenage girls always used when
they wanted something.

“Pretty pretty please?” Heather added in the same tone.

Felix chuckled and nodded softly, looking down at the keyboard. All he knew on the top of his
head were classical pieces, nothing that would melt the heart of teenage girls, but he had never
learned anything else so there was no helping it. Thinking about it for a second he remembered one
piece in particular that Olivia liked when she was a kid, always asking Felix to play this one over
the others. And so with a deep inhale, hoping he still remembered it well enough, he put his fingers
on the keys and started to play, the melody of Beethoven’s Für Elise filling the room.
He played for a few minutes, miraculously remembering the whole melody. The girls stayed pretty
quiet too and Felix was immersed in the music. He might have hated playing only classical music
when he was younger but he could now see the beauty in it. Maybe freedom to play what he
wanted had given him this new perspective on it. He had barely hit the last key, getting ready to
look up at the screen to get Olivia and her friends' reaction when a voice echoed behind him.

“So that’s where you were.” the voice he knew so well said.

Felix turned his head suddenly, surprised, only to find a sleepy Hyunjin, leaning against the wall
near the stairs, one hand in his pocket, the other rubbing his sleep filled eyes. He was looking at
him with some kind of awe and Felix realized Hyunjin didn’t even know he could play the piano.
It was a first for him. He was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants that were hanging dangerously low
on his hips and a simple oversize dark grey shirt with a marble effect on it. He looked divine, as
always, despite that fact that he seemed to have woken up only minutes earlier. Felix couldn’t help
the loving smile from appearing on his lips as he looked at him, so cute and so hot at the same
time, the perfect depiction of the person he was.

“Why are you already up?” he asked softly.

“I got cold.. Because someone wasn’t in bed anymore..” he pouted childishly.

Fortunately Olivia didn’t speak Korean, or very little of it. Rachel had been born in Korea before
their parents uprooted in Australia and Felix had picked up a little bit of it growing up when his
parents still spoke the language at home here and there, and had then taken classes in school
because he wanted to know more. His Korean wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough to understand
and be understood in the country. Olivia though, had only learned a few words over the years, from
hearing Chan and Lucas’s family speaking the language, but not enough to actually form or
understand complete sentences. Otherwise she would’ve probably choked right then and there at
Hyunjin basically announcing Felix had left him in bed alone. There was still time though, because
Hyunjin didn’t seem aware that Felix was on facetime, as he started to make his way towards the
other boy.

“Sorry.. I was hungry. I thought I might be able to come back to bed before you woke up..” Felix
said with a soft little guilty pout, acting cute to be forgiven.

“So cute..” Hyunjin coed, hugging Felix from behind and dropping a kiss on the top of his head
before letting himself fall on the stool next to Felix who scooted over to give him some space.

“Hyunjin I’m..” Felix tried to say to notify Hyunjin of the camera pointed at them before he could
do anything more intimate.

“You know, I had a few things in mind for us if you had stayed in bed this morning..” he purred,
leaning towards Felix, getting dangerously close.

“Hyunjin..” Felix warned

“Prince Charming! Hi!” Olivia exclaimed excitedly from the other side of the phone.

Hyunjin jumped out of his skin at the sound, turning his head towards the phone and then eyeing
Felix from the corner of his eye. Felix chuckled, giving him a little shrug like a silent ‘I tried to
warn you’. Both Heather and Sloane were staring at the screen, doe-eyed and mouth agape as
Hyunjin looked back at the screen with that bright, charming smile of his, waving his hand at the
girls.

“Hello” he said in English, his accent thick.

It was probably one of the few words he knew in the language but Felix found that infinitely cute
that he tried to communicate with Olivia in her language despite not knowing anything about it. He
put his palm on Hyunjin’s thigh, out of the camera frame, squeezing it softly with a loving smile.
All the girls, Olivia included, giggled at Hyunjin’s voice. It was a miracle that none of them were
actually drooling in front of the screen.

“Girls, this is Hyunjin.” Felix introduced, gesturing towards Hyunjin.

“My husband!” Olivia clarified.

“Sure, sure..” Felix chuckled, rolling his eyes before turning to Hyunjin who, obviously, was
confused but was still smiling brightly at the girls. “Hyunjin, this is Olivia, my baby sister which
you already met.” he explained, pointing at Olivia in the middle of the screen. “And this is Heather
and Sloane, her friends.” he added.

Probably recognizing their names, despite not understanding the rest of the sentence, all the girls
excitedly waved at the screen and Hyunjin waved once more, resulting in another burst of giggles
from the teenagers. Felix could see on Hyunjin’s face, in the little smirk at the corner of his lips,
that he knew exactly the kind of effect he had on people, and on those girls in particular. So he
couldn’t help but roll his eyes once more when Hyunjin lifted his hand to pass it through his messy
hair, licking his lips before looking back at the screen and then at Felix like nothing happened.

“They’re already in love with you, you don’t have to try so hard..” Felix pointed out with a little
pout.

“Is someone a little jealous?” Hyunjin retorted, his voice teasing, tilting his head to the side as his
hand reached for Felix’s fingers on his thigh. “If we go back to the room, I can show you..” he
started in a whisper.

“Hyunnie!” Felix exclaimed, his face already burning.

Even though his sister and her friends couldn’t understand him, it didn’t make him feel less
awkward to have Hyunjin hitting on him and saying things that were so sensual in front of them.
Hyunjin seemed unbothered by it, amused even, as he intertwined their fingers on his thigh with his
easy going, sly little smirk.

“I wanna hear Prince Charming sing!” Olivia suddenly announced.

“He just woke up, leave him alone Liv..” Felix warned. “And he’s not your personal jukebox..” he
added. He didn’t want Hyunjin to be forced to do anything to please his little sister.

“You said they were all good, Chris’s bandmates.. I wanna hear..” she pouted, her childish side
coming forth, that whiny tone making its appearance in her mouth.

Hyunjin looked at Felix, questioning. He could clearly sense Olivia was asking for something but
obviously couldn’t understand what and so he was waiting for Felix to translate things for him.

“She wants to hear you sing..” he sighed, looking at Hyunjin. “But I told her no. You just woke up
so..” he continued.

“I don’t mind.” Hyunjin simply smiled, cutting him off. “Tell them I’ll do it. Don’t want to
disappoint such pretty ladies after all..” he smiled some more, winking at the camera.

“I’m not telling them that..” Felix grumbled, more for himself than anything since the girl squealed
so hard on the other end of the phone that it would’ve drowned out anything he was saying
anyway.

Letting go of Felix’s hand, he brought his fingers to the keys in front of them. Felix was surprised,
he didn’t know Hyunjin could play. With fingers as long and beautiful as his, Felix thought it was
fitting, but he was happy and amazed to learn one more thing about him, one more talent he
possessed. It felt like Hyunjin could never stop to amaze him. He didn’t make a comment on it
though, because already Hyunjin was taking a breath, ready to start playing, to start singing.

The girls were silent, looking expectantly at the screen and Felix had to admit, he too was excited
to hear Hyunjin sing again. The only time he did hear him live, he was rapping and in most of their
tracks he had heard online, he was mostly rapping too. Hearing his singing voice was something
Felix was really looking forward to. So with one hand on Hyunjin’s thigh and his eyes glued to his
side profile, he held his breath, waiting for the melodious sounds to come out of his perfectly
shaped lips.
 Pretty Boy

When the melody started, Felix couldn’t help but glance at Hyunjin’s fingers dancing on the keys
before coming back to admire his side profile. His long fingers were running on the keyboard
effortlessly and for some reason it was a fascinating sight for Felix. Not as hypnotizing as his
gorgeous face when he looked down at his fingers, eyes half closed, licked his lips once before
finally opening his mouth, letting his voice echo freely in the room. It was even more magical than
Felix anticipated and only a few words from him were enough to give him goosebumps on all his
body. His singing voice was so soft, so pure and the song he was singing was so beautiful. It was
completely different from the tone he was usually setting when he was rapping. Even his face, that
was usually very intense during his rap, was now calm and relaxed, a small smile residing at the
corner of his lips while he sang like nothing else around mattered. It seemed so easy for him, so
effortless and natural that Felix would’ve been jealous of him, if it hadn’t been the most beautiful
sight he had beheld in his life.

“When I look at myself,

I changed so much after meeting you.
I began to have dreams,
and I wanted to make your dreams come true too.”

Felix was so focused on Hyunjin, his voice, his face, his fingers and the music softly resonating in
the room, that he forgot all about Olivia and her friends for a second, inching ever so slightly closer
to the other boy, his fingers squeezing his thigh gently, his eyes glued to him with that amazed
smile Hyunjin always brought out of him. He was so focused he didn’t hear the door open and
someone coming down the stairs either. After singing the first verse and the chorus, Hyunjin was
getting ready to start the second verse but, instead of his voice, the next words were sung by
someone different, another voice echoing from behind them.

Felix was surprised, his head snapping instantly in the direction of the newcomer, but Hyunjin
didn’t seem shocked or thrown off by it. He kept playing, his smile growing slightly amused, like
he was used to it. In a house filled with so many talented musicians and singers, Felix imagined
this sort of impromptu duets were more common than expected. He was surprised though, when
turning his head, to find it was Changbin who was singing along. Just like with Hyunjin, Felix had
only heard Changbin rap and his singing voice was surprisingly good. More than good really, it
was enchanting. When he had first heard Hyunjin rapping he had an inkling that he would have a
pretty singing voice. But with Changbin, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. He seemed made for
rapping, his flow, his swagger and his voice all seemed so perfect for it that Felix hadn’t even
envisioned him doing anything else. The discovery of his singing voice amazed Felix even more.
Was there anything those boys couldn’t do?

Walking towards them while singing with an amused smile on his lips, Changbin stopped next to
Hyunjin, standing near the keyboard where both him and Felix were seated. He ruffled Felix’s hair
slightly with a wink before letting his arm fall on Hyunjin’s shoulder, without disturbing his
playing. The both of them launched themselves in a duet, both singing the last verse in unison,
harmonizing with one another like it was natural for them. Their voices sounded surprisingly good
together and Felix couldn’t help but stare, his mouth half open for the remainder of the song.

When both of them fell silent and the piano stopped resonating in the room, Felix was still stunned
from the performance he witnessed. They both sang for the fun of it, not even putting that much
effort in it and still, to Felix, it had been phenomenal. Especially since he got to witness both of
their singing voices, which seemed to be rare in their work.
“It’s rare to hear you practice singing.” Changbin noticed, poking Hyunjin in the shoulder with a
teasing smile.

“It’s for the ladies.” Hyunjin stated with a little chuckle.

“The..” Changbin started, a confused frown on his face.

But his question got answered before he could even ask it when all three girls on Felix’s phone
started to clap excitedly at their performance, bringing Changbin’s attention to them for the first
time.

“What the.. Are we having a fan meeting or something?” he asked, leaning towards the phone
slightly to look at the girls.

“It’s just my sister and her friends, sorry.” Felix laughed softly, finally remembering how to use his
voice and his brain. “I was on a call with her when Hyunjin arrived and they wanted to hear him
sing..” he explained.

“Oh, your sister?” Changbin raised an eyebrow before turning towards the camera and waving with
a smile. “Hello, Felix’s sister!” he said with a voice that was too cute for his intimidating stature.
He then leaned back, fishing his phone out of his pocket, his fingers sliding on it with an amused
smile.

“Who is that?!” Olivia exclaimed, all the while the three of them waved back.

“That’s Changbin, one of our bandmates.” Felix explained pointing to Changbin.

“So they really are all hot, uh..?” she pointed out with an interested look in her eyes that gave
unwanted shivers to Felix.

Suddenly the door up the stairs bursted out open, someone running down the stairs and jumping
from the last few steps to get into the room with way too much energy this early in the morning. It
was very fitting for Jisung though, who was facing them all, making a silly pose like a superhero
showing how cool he was. Hyunjin and Felix bursted out laughing, Felix leaning to the side so the
camera would point at Jisung, showing his antics to his sister.

“I heard we’re seducing pretty girls with our talent! I came to show you how it’s done!” he
exclaimed and Felix cringed.

“You are NOT seducing my sister!” he quickly said with a disgusted pout, Hyunjin laughing next
to him and patting his head, caressing his hair for a second longer than necessary before letting his
arm fall around his shoulders. “How did you even know anyway?” he then chuckled.

“Changbin texted me!” he shrugged, gesturing towards Changbin who was silently laughing,
sitting on the back of the armchair, watching Jisung. “I want to have fun too!” he pouted like a
child. “Are those the pretty ladies in question?” he then quickly asked, noticing the phone and
pointing at it, walking towards them to wave at the camera.

“Stop calling them that..” Felix muttered, Hyunjin once more laughing at his disgusted, displeased
expression.

“You’re prettier..” he whispered; leaning towards him and pressing his lips to his ear so only Felix
would hear.

This sent shivers throughout Felix’s body, not only because of his body so close and his lips against
his skin, but also his low voice in his ear and the way he complimented him out of nowhere. He
loved it but felt embarrassed, as always. Hyunjin always knew how to make him feel that way and
Felix was starting to suspect that it amused him to no end to do and say things that would get Felix
flustered, on purpose.

“Stop it..” Felix mumbled, his voice only a little squeak, as his cheeks burned, softly turning pink.

“Another one?” Olivia asked through the phone.

“Wow, this one looks so cool..” Sloane announced, sounding entranced by the sight of Jisung
waving at the screen. “Who is he?” she asked.

“I’m Han, nice to meet you!” Jisung replied, winking at the screen.

The face Sloane made when she realized Jisung could speak English and therefore understand
what she was saying was priceless and it threw Felix into a burst of laughter that Hyunjin and
Changbin couldn’t completely understand. Still Hyunjin chuckled, looking at Felix with stars in his
eyes, like seeing him so happy was enough to make his day, and like hearing his laugh was the best
thing that happened to him since he woke up.

“Fuck, sorry I.. Shit, that’s awkward, I wanna disappear..” Sloane cursed, hiding herself behind
her hands and inching away to disappear from the screen while Olivia and Heather laughed at her.

“Language!” Felix exclaimed, for the second time since their call started. But Olivia simply rolled
her eyes at him.

“Do you wanna hear some music?!” Jisung asked after a small chuckle, making finger guns at the
camera and hyping them up like they were at a concert and not simply in their recording studio on a
Saturday morning, all in their pyjamas.

“Yes please!” Heather and Olivia exclaimed, clapping in their hands excitedly.

“Alright, let’s rock!” Jisung announced, still way too energetic.

He walked away to go grab an acoustic guitar that was hanging from one of the walls of the studio.
Felix didn’t know who could play what instrument in the band but he assumed most of them could
play something according to the number of instruments stacked in the room. For some reason it
seemed fitting to him that Jisung would be able to play the guitar. It suited him somewhat.

With his guitar in hand, he went to sit on the couch. Now that Felix was leaning away from his
phone’s camera, the girls had a pretty wide view of the room, able to see the couch and both
armchairs and all the boys that were already in the room. Jisung settled the guitar on his thigh, his
fingers getting into position and quickly he started to hit the strings, forming a melody. It seemed
familiar to Felix and before Jisung even opened his mouth, he recognized the song. And when
Jisung started to sing, in really good English, Felix’s suspicions were confirmed.

“You’re just too good to be true.

Can’t take my eyes off of you.
You’d be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.”

This song was a classic and Felix loved it, obviously. Jisung’s voice, like Felix had imagined, was
really beautiful too. His rap was at his image, with a lot of swagger and an indescribable energy
that couldn’t be matched by anyone other than him. But his singing voice seemed to show the other
part of him, the calmer, more introverted, soft and sweet part of him. It was really pretty to listen
to. Felix couldn’t help but follow the rhythm with his foot on the ground and when the chorus
arrived, before he realized it, he joined Jisung, his deep voice mixing with his to sing the lyrics.

Jisung looked up at him with a little smile, offering him a wink while he kept singing, focusing
back on his guitar. Changin was playing a beat with his hands, slapping his thighs to the rhythm
and bopping his head side to side. Hyunjin was simply watching Felix, hanging on to his lips,
amazed and in awe at his deep voice and the way he could modulate it to sing this way with
Jisung. Felix wasn’t as powerful when it came to singing as the rest of them, despite them all being
rappers to begin with. His voice was naturally so low that it was hard for him to reach higher notes
and to make it sound as good as the others, but even though he would never admit it himself, he
was far from bad and he had a lot of untapped potential in that area. But since it was just for the
fun of it, between them and because the mood was good, Felix didn’t feel pressured and simply
rolled with it, singing without feeling anxious about the end result or without being scared of not
being good enough. This kind of experience was freeing for someone like him, who was always
second guessing his worth and his talent, afraid of what people thought.

Once Jisung stopped playing the guitar and the song was over, Felix, Hyunjin and Changbin
clapped, quickly followed by the three girls on the phone who cheered loudly through the screen,
making Felix chuckle as Jisung got up, guitar in one hand, to bow dramatically. At some point
during Felix and Jisung’s duet, Minho had arrived, silently leaning against the wall near the
staircase, coffee in one hand and camera in the other. He was probably filming a vlog for the
channel but since he had arrived in the room he was pointing the camera at the scene happening in
front of him instead, filming Jisung playing the guitar and singing, Felix singing along, Changbin
drumming on his thighs and Hyunjin swaying to the beat with his eyes stuck to Felix. And once all
that stopped, he turned off the camera and simply walked in to sit next to Jisung like nothing
happened.

“Look, look at him Liv, he’s so pretty..” Heather loudly whispered to Olivia, so close to the phone
that it was anything but discreet, once more making Felix laugh.

“Isn’t he so cute?” Jisung said in a teasing voice, grabbing Minho’s cheek between his fingers to
pull on it softly before poking it with his finger.

Minho slapped Jisung’s hand away with a scowl before bringing his coffee cup to his lips, still
frowning, typical Minho behavior. He seemed confused as to where the unknown voice was
coming from, probably not having noticed the phone and the facetime going on.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“We’re having fun with Felix’s sister!” Hyunjin explained, pointing at the screen.

Minho looked up and, finally realizing he was on camera, he put one hand on his face, hiding
himself. He had probably just woken up since his hair was slightly messy and, like everyone else,
he was still in his pyjamas. He was filming a vlog just a second ago though so Felix wasn’t sure
why, suddenly, his appearance bothered him. But he had to remind himself that Minho wasn’t the
tough cookie he was always portraying himself as, and maybe meeting people he didn’t know, in
that attire, was making him a little shy.

“Felix!” Olivia called out, whispering like she thought it would change anything even though
everyone could hear her in the room but nobody except Jisung and Felix himself could understand
her. “Heather wants to know who’s the pretty boy?” she asked with a secretive tone, Heather
nodding and blushing next to her.

Felix snorted at Olivia calling Minho ‘pretty boy’ and he heard, behind him, Jisung having a
similar reaction, Minho looking at him from the corner of his eye, questioning. Felix couldn’t help
but think about the kind of reaction Minho would have if he could understand his sister. Knowing
his personality, he probably wouldn’t like being called a ‘pretty boy’ to his face and would have a
snarky response in stock for whoever tried to call him that.

“That’s Minho” Felix introduced him.

“Can Minho sing too?” Heather asked excitedly.

“He certainly can!” Felix nodded, seeing the girls getting excited even more at that. “He probably
won’t though..” he laughed as they both pouted at him. “Want me to ask” he offered, even though
he already knew the outcome. The girls nodded energetically. “Minho, the girls want to know if
you’ll sing something for them?”

“If they want to hear music they can buy CDs!” Minho retorted, his face once more buried in his
coffee cup.

“You’re such a meanie..” Changbin pouted, acting cutesy for no other reason than because he liked
doing it.

“It’s his first cup this morning, that’s why.” Jisung explained, nodding like he was stating very
serious scientific facts and not simply explaining that Minho was cranky without caffeine flowing
abundantly in his veins.

“He could drink the whole pot and still be like this though..” Hyunjin pointed out, teasing.

“He could become a coffee bean himself and still be like this!” Changbin retorted and Hyunjin
bursted out laughing, Felix and Jisung chuckling along while Minho was giving death glares to
everyone from above his half empty mug.

Felix turned to the screen, shaking his head to tell the girls it was a no from Minho. Behind him
Jisung and Changbin were still teasing Minho quietly, chuckling at their own jokes while Minho
was drinking his coffee, probably plotting some way to assassinate them all, silently in his mind.
Hyunjin softly put his hand high on Felix's thigh, giving it a little squeeze and Felix dropped his
hand on his, caressing the back of his hand with his thumb absently. He looked at the other boy
from the corner of his eye, stealing a glance at his gorgeous face and offering him a soft small
smile before focusing back on his screen, on his sister.

But before he could pick up a conversation with her again, the door opened once more and this
time all heads turned to find Seungmin and Chan climbing down, followed closely by Jeongin who
still looked tired and slightly sick despite all the rest he had gotten since his hangover.

“Oh, you’re all here already!” Seungmin pointed out, surprised.

“Well that’s good.” Chan announced, crossing his arms on his chest with a little smile. He seemed
to have something in mind and to be happy about whatever it was that he wanted to announce.
“Because we have a lot of work to do!” he simply stated, lookign at them one by one.
 Make Me
Chapter Notes

So so sorry for the lack of update for two days again!~ But I love y'all tho! ♥

“Christopher!” Olivia immediately exclaimed when she heard Chan’s voice through the phone,
seeing his frame on the screen.

Jeongin jumped at the sound of the unknown voice and Seungmin looked around, seeming slightly
alarmed too. Felix couldn’t blame them, his sister’s voice was loud and resembled a screech more
than anything else. Typical reaction on her part whenever Chan was involved. But since neither of
them knew what was going on and that Felix’s sister was on Facetime with them, it was
comprehensible that they would be startled. Chan raised an eyebrow, looking towards where the
sound was coming from and spotting the phone, finally smiling.

“Is that little Oli?” he asked walking towards the phone where Olivia was already giggling like the
teenager she was.

“Chris!” she exclaimed again, waving energetically at the camera.

“Sorry, we were Facetiming with her before you arrived..” Felix explained in a whisper when
Chan arrived near the piano where Felix and Hyunjin were seated and where the phone was
situated.

He knew Chan wanted to announce something and Olivia was surely going to want to talk to him
as much as she could, slowing things down for everyone and preventing Chan from making his
announcement as well as delaying practice for all of them. But Chan lifted his hand, offering Felix
a warm pat on the head with a smile, a silent “don’t worry about it” dancing in his eyes before he
focused back on the phone, leaning to face the camera as he waved at Olivia and her friends.

“How you’re doing missy?” he asked with that cheerful smile that was so natural for him.

“Fine, but I miss you Chris..” she said, pouting excessively, like a child.

“I miss you too baby girl.” he chuckled, shaking his head at her behavior.

To Chan, Olivia was almost as much a sibling as Lucas was. He always treated her like family, like
his baby sister. He always babied her, even more than Felix did sometimes. When Felix treated
Olivia like a child, the young girl would revolt, saying she was a woman now and to stop acting
like she was five. When Chan was doing the same thing though, she strangely found it endearing
and lovely and would giggle and basically let him talk to her any way he wanted. So when he
called her baby girl, she giggled, hiding her face with her hand, the same pink shade that was
always invading Felix’s cheeks now painting her face instead. Felix rolled his eyes for what
seemed like the millionth time since the call with his sister started.

Chan was placed between Hyunjin and Felix, facing the phone and separating the both of them
without even realizing it. It didn’t stop Hyunjin from looking at Felix like he always did though.
When Felix rolled his eyes, Hyunjin shifted his feet to tap it against Felix’s getting his attention.
Felix looked up at Hyunjin who smiled at him before silently mouthing words with his mouth.
Felix focused on his lips, trying to read what they said and regretted it when his cheeks started to
furiously heat up. Hyunjin was mouthing the words “I wanna kiss you”.

Fortunately Chan was too focused on the screen to notice and the others were talking between
them, explaining the situation to Seungmin and Jeogin and joking around as they always did.
Hyunjin silently chuckled at Felix’s reaction, letting the tip of his tongue ride along his bottom lip
and then peek out of his mouth, at the corner of his lips. It was distracting and sensual, as always.
Felix gave him a little kick in the foot softly, mouthing “stop it!” without making a sound, feeling
his face turning more and more pink by the second. Hyunjin’s response was immediate. “Make
me” he mouthed silently. Felix almost choked on his own saliva, loudly coughing, his cheeks red.

“You’re alright there mate?” Chan suddenly noticed, putting a hand on Felix’s shoulder, turning
his head to look at him. Behind him Hyunjin bursted out in laughter, unable to contain it any
longer.

“He’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Olivia announced through the phone, probably annoyed that her
big brother would ruin her time with Chan.

Chan looked for confirmation from Felix though so Felix lifted a thumb in his direction, showing
he was indeed fine, his coughing fit slowly coming to an end. Chan looked at Felix a second more,
then at Hyunjin, dying of laughter next to him and raised a suspicious eyebrow before shaking his
head with a little sigh, focusing back on the screen as Hyunjin was slowly calming down too.

“Anyway, you need to come back home one of those days!” Olivia said, her childish pout back on
her lips. “ Luc’ is being a real pain in my ass, you know?”

“Language, Oli.” Chan frowned softly, warning her before Felix could do it for the third time
already.

“Sorry..” she said, having the audacity to have a guilty, sheepish look on her face when just
moments ago she was flipping Felix off for giving her the same warning. “But he’s being a pain in
my butt!” she rectified herself.

Next to her Heather and Sloane were softly giggling, exchanging looks between each other. It
didn’t take a genius to understand that, them too, knew something was going on between Lucas and
Olivia. Something more than a childhood friendship. And definitely more than what Olivia was
admitting.

“Oh, is that so? Chan chuckled. He knew it too. “I’m gonna be busy for a while over here. But I
promise to come see you when I can, alright?” he then announced with that warm smile of his.

Hyunjin looked at Felix after his fit of laughter calmed down, while Chan was having his
conversation with Olivia. Felix frowned at him with a little pout. He didn’t realize how much he
and his sister looked like each other right this second. “I hate you” he mouthed without a sound,
still pouting when Hyunjin tilted his head to the side. He didn’t believe a word of it of course and
as Hyunjin smiled, amused, it was even hard for him to keep pouting instead of smiling right back
at him. The boy’s response was to blow him a kiss and at that Felix rolled his eyes, but an amused
smirk crept up at the corner of his lips as he did, shaking his head softly. He gave another little tap
to Hyunjin’s foot with his own before finally trying to focus back on Chan’s conversation with his
little sister.

Hearing Chan say that he was going to be busy for a while made Felix raise an eyebrow, intrigued.
Of course Chan was always busy and there was little chance he would randomly find the time to fly
back to Australia on any given day with the lifestyle he was leading right now. He barely found the
time to sleep so this wasn’t an option, despite the promise he made to Olivia. But the way he said it
made Felix believe that something special was going on, something that would force Chan to be
even more busy than he already was. And there was no doubt in Felix’s mind that it had something
to do with the announcement Chan wanted to make earlier. Imagining what that announcement
could be, running different scenarios in his mind, made Felix even more excited to hear what his
best friend had to say.

“But in the meantime, I give you permission to kick Lucas’ butt if he’s mean to you!” Chan
laughed.

He knew Lucas would never be mean to Olivia. First of all because that boy was the sweetest kid
Felix knew, he definitely had more in common with his big brother than their appearance and their
last name. But also because it was clear to everyone that Lucas worshipped Olivia. And he had for
years now.

“I’ll tell him you said that!” she giggled. “Oh, and I need to tell you all about..” she started
excitedly.

Like Felix had expected, Olivia was totally ready to start a conversation that would probably last
hours. He could understand she was happy to talk to Chan, they barely had any contact with each
other ever and she really loved him. More than the crush she had on him since she was a little girl,
Chan had been a big part of her life when she was growing up and it was totally fair that she would
miss him and would want to take advantage of having him on facetime. But Felix was also aware
that Chan, and the band as a whole, had other, more important things to do. And he couldn’t wait
much longer to know all about Chan’s announcement too, the curiosity slowly eating at him. So he
leaned to the side, pressing himself against Chan to appear on the screen with him too.

“Liv, that’s enough. Chris is busy and we all have a lot of work to do today.” he warned.

“But..” she instantly pouted, seeming more sad than she really needed to be about it.

“He’s right..” Chan announced with a little sorry pout for her. “Put I promise to call you soon,
alright? And you can tell me all about it then, okay baby girl?” he then offered her that smile that
could charm anyone.

“Fine..” Olivia reluctantly replied. “But you better call me!” she added, pointing at her screen with
a frown and that ever so present pout on her lips.

“I promise, I promise.” Chan chuckled, lifting his hands in front of him like she was holding him at
gunpoint. And knowing Olivia and what she was like, she kinda was.

“You too Lix, you still have a lot of explaining to do!” she added, still pointing her finger. It was
almost funny how much she looked like their mom doing that.

“Promise.” he softly said with a smile. He had called to explain the situation to her but things had
taken a turn and he barely got to talk to her at all in the end. “Wanna say goodbye to everyone?” he
asked, knowing it would cheer her up a little.

She obviously nodded excitedly. Sloane and Heather had stepped away for a while, during her
conversation with Chan, probably giving her some time with him while they gossiped and did
whatever else teenage girls did in the background. But hearing it was time to say goodbye, they
both quickly came back on screen, neither of them wanting to lose an opportunity to get a glance at
the boys once more. Felix chuckled and Chan, who hadn’t been present to see the girls’ reactions
to meeting Jisung, Minho, Hyunjin and Changbin, laughed when he saw them so excited. Felix
took the phone to direct the camera to the rest of the room, showing the boys.

“Guys, say goodbye to Olivia and her friends.” he called out, getting the attention of the rest of the
group.

They all turned to the screen, waving and saying “bye bye” with genuine smiles on their faces,
even Jeongin and Seungmin who arrived too late to properly meet them on video call like the
others had. It warmed Felix’s heart to see them being so genuine and excited even though it was
only his sister, someone they didn’t know and couldn’t even understand. If Felix needed more
proof that all those boys were sweet and had hearts of gold, this was it. Olivia and the girls waved
back with giggles, loudly saying goodbye before Felix turned the phone to himself, Chan and
Hyunjin once again and the three of them waved too.

“Chris, Prince Charming, I love you!” she exclaimed with a bright smile, waving once more.
“Felix.. you know.” she simply added with a wave of her hand.

He did. It was hard for him to say I love you, to anyone at any time, even his little sister. She, on
the other hand, simply seemed to have a hard time saying it to him. But Felix knew, deep down,
that it was because her love for him was more deep and genuine than the love she offered to any
other people, and so it was okay with him, even if she didn’t say it out loud. So he smiled, simply
nodding.

“Me too Liv.”” he softly said, waving at her. “Bye bye now! “ he then announced and after one last
wave, he hung up.

“Your sister sure is energetic..” Changbin laughed once the call had ended.

“She hasn’t changed a bit.” Chan noted with an endeared, amused smile.

“She seems.. Intense.” Hyunjin pointed out, chuckling.

“So sorry about that..” Felix sighed, shaking his head, a little embarrassed that the members had to
experience his sister’s antics.

“Come on, it was fun! And I think we have new fans now..” Jisung smirked and Minho nodded in
approval next to him with an amused little smile at the corner of his lips.

“I always miss the fun..” Jeongin pouted.

He was sitting in the armchair, Seungmin sitting next to him, on the arm, patting his head. He
seemed a little better than earlier, but still looked tired and a little sick. He was probably even less
accustomed to alcohol than Felix was if he was still in that state after resting for a full day. Felix
felt a little bad for him, wanting to take him back to bed and make him some soup and a cake to
give him back some energy. But he had to remind himself that there were more important things
going on right now and that the quicker they took care of the matter at hand, whatever it was, the
faster Jeongin could go back to rest. So he looked up at Chan who walked away to go stand behind
the couch instead, everyone turning their heads to look at their leader.

Despite not having listened or understood what Chan said to Olivia earlier, they all seemed to have
picked up on the fact that Chan had something important to say. He had simply announced, when
he arrived in the room, that they had a lot of work to do. That alone wasn’t something that would
point out to the fact that something special was going on, after all from what Felix had seen, living
with them all, they always seemed to have a lot of work to do and they were always working, in
one way or another, everyday. But Chan’s energy seemed different today, his mood seemed
especially bright when he entered the room to announce that to them all. And so everyone had
understood that something, no matter what it was, was definitely going on with him. And as they
looked up at him, they all seemed pretty curious and definitely excited to hear what this was all
about.

“So?” Seungmin asked.

“So?” Chan replied, but he couldn’t hide the little smile that was creeping up on the corner of his
lips.

“You dragged I.N and I from the kitchen this morning saying you had news and that we needed to
find the others.. Everyone is here so.. What is it?” he asked, as diplomatic as ever, but it was clear
he was as curious as everyone else in the room.

“Tell me you didn’t make me miss my morning cereals for nothing Channie..?” Jeongin pouted,
crossing his arms on his chest.

“You’re a terrible liar, don’t even try to hide something from us..” Felix teased him. And he was
right because the smile was already fully taking its place on Chan’s lips despite him trying to hide
it just a second before.

“What’s going on? Come on, I cannot take this tension!” Hyunjin loudly exclaimed, as dramatic as
ever.

“If it’s just to tell us again about that one poll you won on Twitter about who’s the sexiest member,
I swear to God..” Minho warned, not finishing his sentence, but it was clear in his eyes it involved
murder of some kind.

“This poll was rigged anyway..” Changbin shook his head with a pout.

“We are not talking about the poll again!” Seungmin laughed before focusing back on Chan once
more. “So?”

“Spit it out, Leader!” Jisung encouraged him.

Chan was simply standing there, watching them get riled up and being very amused by it. He had
his arms nonchalantly crossed in front of his chest, his head slightly tilted to the side and an
amused and excited smile on his lips, looking at his kids being all over the place. He seemed to
enjoy it so much that even when the silence took over the room, everyone awaiting his answer, he
stayed silent for just a tiny bit longer, just to get on the members’ last nerve. And when he finally
felt like they were ready to explode, when he felt like he had dragged out the suspense as much as
he could, he finally opened his mouth, everyone hanging to his every single word.

“Well..” he started, shifting on his feet, putting his hands on the back of the couch, still taking his
sweet time to make his announcement. “I got a phone call this morning..”
 All Work and No Play

“You got a phone call? That’s what you wanted to say?” Jisung asked, raising an eyebrow.

Quickly Minho slapped him behind the head, putting a finger on his own lips with a loud “shhh” in
his direction. At Chan’s words, everybody tensed, even Felix. They didn’t need to be geniuses to
know that said phone call had to do with the band, otherwise Chan wouldn’t be standing there
talking about it. And he seemed so happy that it was evidently good news. Felix had joined the
band only a few days ago but for the other members, it had been two years since they started this
adventure together. And sure they were pretty popular online, but their success never went farther
than that, they never stood on stage, played their music live for fans. They put in all the work but
never got the chance to live the real rock star life nonetheless. So obviously, they were all hears,
wondering what the phone call was about, all of them holding their breaths, leaning in to listen
closer. Hyunjin’s hand even gripped Felix’s tighter on his thigh, nervously.

“It was a promoter. Seems like he saw our last song online. He agreed to let us perform at his
club..” Chan started to explain.

At those words, screams and cheers and simply loud incomprehensible sounds started to erupt all
around the room before Chan could even finish his sentence. Jisung and Changbin got up, yelling
and hugging each other, Seungmin was clapping with a shocked look on his face, perched on the
arm of the chair. Jeongin and Minho were looking at each other in disbelief, frozen in place by the
news and Hyunjin had thrown himself on Felix, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him
tightly, all the while bouncing up and down on the little stool they were seated on, shaking Felix in
his arms with a loud giggle. Felix was staring at Chan, mouth half open, in shock, while his hand
was mechanically stroking Hyunjin’s back. He wanted to cry, he really did. Not only was he now
part of a band, able to make music like he always dreamed of, but he would also get the chance to
go on stage, something he never thought was even possible for him. It was too much, it was too
good to be true, and it was all thanks to Chan.

“Boys!” Chan raised his voice to be heard above the commotion. “Let me finish..” he warned,
getting the attention of all the boys, who went very quiet, staring at him. “Like I said, he agreed to
let us perform at his club IF we’re able to gain some more popularity and drop some more original
songs in the month to come.” he finished his explanation. “So.. We have a lot of work coming our
way boys. I’m not going to go easy on you this time around, alright?”

He looked expectantly at everyone and the silence hung in the air for a second. Until everyone
started to cheer again, even Minho, Seungmin and Jeongin getting up and joining in on the hug
Changbin and Jisung were having, all of them jumping in the air while loudly cheering. Hyunjin
got up, his hands firmly wrapped around Felix’s, dragging him behind to join the chaos too. Chan
was watching them from afar, the warmest, happiest smile on his face and, looking at him, Felix
could tell that, just like him, he was fighting back tears. It was his dream and he had worked so
hard to reach it. To help his kids reach it.

At some point in the chaos, they all made their way to where Chan was, circling him and jumping
around him, hugging him and forcing him to join in, which he happily did after laughing softly for
a second. Felix couldn’t help but feel a little bit out of place, being so happy when he had done
nothing to help them achieve this point, being the newcomer. But he knew what Chan and the
others would say to that, because he knew that they all treated him like a part of the team already
and so he simply let himself be happy, be ecstatic, like the rest of them.

“Okay, okay, enough.” Chan chuckled after a few seconds.

Slowly but surely the boys calmed down, standing in front of their leader, slightly panting and all
with the largest, most genuine smiles on their faces. They were all standing in line, staring at Chan,
awaiting his command.

“Let’s get to work!” he exclaimed, clapping in his hands.

A new round of cheers erupted in the room but, this time around, everyone had their game face on.
They were ready to put in the hours, ready to work until their throat couldn’t function anymore,
until their legs gave out and until there was no more strength in them. Felix, just like the others,
had never been so pumped up and determined in his life. They had a lot of work coming their way
and they needed to start doing their best right here and right now.

And so they did. Not for hours, but for days. Chan had songs already planned out and even wrote
some new ones. They practice, recorded, choreographed, danced and recorded some more. Felix
was invited by Hyunjin and Minho to help them choreograph most of the new routines. He made
his first appearance on the Youtube channel too, appearing in the vlog Minho had been filming the
day of Chan’s announcement first and then even in one of Chan’s famous Vlive where he got to
introduce himself properly to the fandom. The videos were still going out as always, the boys
finding time to shoot vlogs and little funny videos here and there in their hectic schedule but not
saying a word about their goal of being on stage yet, not wanting to jinx it or for the fans to get
excited if nothing came out of it. Their reaction to Felix was a very warm, welcoming one,
everyone happy to finally put a face on his voice. He tried not to check online too often during his
rare free time but what he saw when he did always made him want to work even harder to please
the fans that were already giving him so much love despite how new to the band he was.

A lot of the time during those days, the boys didn’t even have the same schedule, some of them
spending their time, in the recording studio, other at the dance studio, others like Chan, Jeongin
and Seungmin, working furiously on their computers until into the dead of night, either to promote
themselves, to finalize songs or to work on editing videos. Some of them barely had time to see one
another some days, despite them all working towards the same goal and living in the same house.
Sadly, it was the case of Felix and Hyunjin.

During the last week or so that they all started working like crazy, Felix couldn’t remember a
single sweet, calm, private moment they spent together. They barely even managed to sleep in the
same bed anymore, Felix getting up way earlier to practice and Hyunjin coming back from the
dance studio late into the night. The only moments they spent together were during the hours they
would choreograph with Minho, record with everyone in the studio or shoot a dance cover video,
for example. But during those times they weren’t alone and were too focused on their task to even
think about sneaking away for some quiet time anyway. They hadn’t cuddled in what felt like
forever to Felix, they didn’t have sex or anything close to it either, which frustrated him to no end.
In fact, they barely even touched at all.

Felix hadn’t realized how much he loved the random grazing of Hyunjin’s hand against his skin,
the simple presence of his head against his shoulder or his arm casually slung around him until
none of those things were there anymore. Hyunjin was still around, living in the same house,
sleeping in the same room, breathing the same air. But they had interacted so few times and they
had so little free time to actually sit next to one another on the couch or in their rooms that those
little touches had disappeared too, like the rest.

Felix was missing him. He was missing him more than he thought was even possible. Of course he
was happy working as much as he did, being able to do music and dance for hours on end every
single day and only sleep when his body couldn’t follow the rhythm anymore only to start again
the next day. It was everything he had wanted in the past and he relished in it. But he missed
Hyunjin, his touch, his scent, his taste. And that was taking a toll on him. Not that he would’ve
said so to anyone, but it was the case. In the back of his mind, all day long, he couldn’t help but
wish he could have just a few seconds alone with him, to give him a warm hug, feel his body and
his warmth surround him again. He was aware he had become addicted to it, addicted to him. But
he couldn’t help it. The two of them had been non-stop touching and cuddling and being sweet
with one another since he arrived at the house and especially since they both admitted that they
liked each other. They slept in the same bed every day, kissed every time they had a chance to and,
of course, the images of Hyunjin touching him and of him pleasuring Hyunjin in the shower were
also dancing in his head on a regular basis. They came so close to ecstasy, so close to finally doing
it, so close to what Felix was yearning for. And now they barely could find a second to make eye
contact with each other. This was, to Felix, the epitome of frustration.

Today Felix was supposed to join Changbin and Jeongin in the dance studio to help them with a
choreography they were both struggling in. Minho usually was the one taking on this task, but he
was supposed to practice his rapping skills with Jisung in the morning and wouldn’t have the time
for it, so Felix stepped in. But Felix woke up way earlier than the time they were supposed to meet
and he was in a foul mood. Hyunjin barely came home an hour before Felix woke up and had fallen
asleep on the couch after eating a quick dinner. Felix couldn’t blame him, the boy had been at the
dance studio for more than half the night and, like all of them, he was exhausted but once more
Felix was resenting how little time they actually managed to spend together. Never had he been as
touched-deprived as he was now. So, to clear his head, he decided that going to the dance studio
early to dance his problems away and wait for Changbin and Jeongin there was the way to go.

After getting dressed, Felix went downstairs, a blanket under his arm. Just like he thought, Hyunjin
was sound asleep on the couch, in the dark and silent living room. He looked like a fallen angel as
always but Felix could see the bag under his eyes and his complexion that had changed due to the
lack of sleep, the exhaustion from pushing his body to its limits and then there’s some every single
day for a week straight. With a sigh, he draped the blanket over Hyunjin’s tall body, letting his
hand wander to his face for a second, pushing a long black strand away from his face, admiring
him. He sighed once more as he took his hand away, forcing himself to take a step back, turning
away from the man he was yearning for.

The light in the kitchen was on, like he knew it would be. As he stepped in, he found Chan filling a
cup of coffee, already extending it towards him before Felix even arrived at his level. Felix took
the cup in one hand, hugging Chan quickly with his other arm, taking a deep breath against his
chest, knowing it would be the only embrace he would have all day.

“Go to sleep..” he whispered, leaning away and looking up at his best friend.

Chan was the most exhausted of them all and it showed. He could barely keep his red eyes open,
dark circles under them, his hair in a chaotic state that seemed permanent this last few days. He
nodded, kissed Felix on the top of the head, scooped up his closed laptop on the table and walked
away, probably to get his one or two hours of sleep for the day.

This had become a routine for them. Felix would enter the kitchen around 5 or 6am to find Chan
still working on his computer. Chan would fix him a cup of coffee and offer him a hug and Felix
would order him to get some sleep. Rince and repeat, every single day for the last week or so. Felix
was worried for Chan, he was working harder and longer than anyone else in the team and he knew
his best friend enough to be able to tell that he wouldn’t take it easy unless his body gave out from
under him. And even then, he might try to get back to work as soon as his eyes would open. But
Felix couldn’t tell him to take a break, it would be useless and none of them had the time or the
desire to slow things down because they were all as determined as Felix was to do everything in
their power to obtain that live performance on stage. So he knew even if he tried to warn Chan, his
friend wouldn’t listen. The best he could do was to remind him to get some sleep every day, when
he found him in the kitchen at the break of dawn.

After that little encounter, Felix made quick work of his coffee, put on his shoes, wrapped himself
in a coat and called a cab to get to the dance studio, softly nodding off on the way. He had learned
to know the dance studio like the back of his hand during the last few days, spending at least two
or three hours in there everyday, often more when he was focusing on choreographies rather than
on singing and recording. He had improved a lot in a short time thanks to Minho and Hyunjin and
the hours of practicing he did, with the others or on his own. He loved dancing more now than he
ever had in the past, learning to control his body like never before and being able to express his
emotions every single day through his movements like he always dreamed of. It was work, yes, but
it was also the best way he had of clearing his head, if only a little, each day. And today was
definitely one of those days where Felix needed to lose himself in the music and in the flow to get
rid of all his pent up frustration.

Felix had no idea how much time had passed since he arrived at the dance studio and he didn’t
care. The sun was now up in the sky, the birds singing outside, people driving past the building on
their way to work, shops opening their doors to welcome impatient shoppers. All the while, in this
little room, Felix hadn’t stopped dancing, lost in his own thoughts. Getting dressed this morning he
had unconsciously grabbed one of Hyunjin’s shirt instead of one of his own. It was a deep red,
satin shirt and it now had at least three or four buttons open and was clinging to his body, sweat
appearing in his neck and slowly sliding down his chest and under the soft fabric.

He was dancing, playing with the shirt, lifting it to unveil his chiseled abs in the mirror in front of
him and moving his body flawlessly, showing a confidence he definitely didn’t have a few weeks
ago. When the song finally ended, Felix was out of breath, drenched in sweat and, finally, for the
first time in probably a few hours, he decided to take a break, letting himself fall on a chair in the
middle of the room. Grabbing his water bottle, he threw his head back, gulping the liquid, half of
his chest exposed because of the partially open shirt and his Adam’s apple going up and down his
throat with each swallow, his chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes closed.

He stayed that way, sitting on that chair, head thrown back, eyes closed, for a long moment, simply
breathing deeply to calm his beating heart, occasionally running a hand through his hair, damp
with sweat, to pull them back and out of his face. When finally his breathing slowed down to a
decent level, he lifted his head, already getting back into the mindset of dancing some more,
despite knowing he should save some strength for when Changbin and Jeongin would get here. But
as his eyes mechanically scanned the room, his gaze was drawn by a figure leaning against the wall
next to the door. At first he thought it might have been one of the two boys he was waiting for, but
even despite the dim lighting in the room, there was no mistaking the tall figure facing him.

Hyunjin was nonchalantly leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, his lips slightly parted as
he was watching Felix intently, seemingly focused on every single little movement he made. Felix
had no idea how long the boy had been standing there, he simply knew he wasn’t supposed to be
here since he barely got home a few hours ago and would normally sleep until the middle of the
morning before being ready to get back to work. Felix also had no inkling about the way he
looked. He could see himself in the mirror but in the eye of someone else, especially Hyunjin, he
looked really indecent right this moment. The look in Hyunjin’s eyes was proof of it, as his gaze
danced up and down Felix’s frame before finally meeting his eyes, realizing he had been spotted.
Only then did he close his mouth, a smile appearing at the corner of his lips instead of that
entranced expression he had before.

“Mind if I join you?” he offered, his voice echoing in the empty room.
 Do You Want Me to Fuck You?

“What are you doing here?” Felix asked, still a little breathless, getting up from his chair.

“I woke up to go back to the room but you had already left. I figured you’d be here so..” Hyunjin
shrugged, his hands in his pockets as he started to make his way towards the center of the room,
towards Felix.

“You should’ve gone back to bed..” Felix said with a worried frown.

He was happy to see Hyunjin, actually even though he didn’t show it, his whole body was
screaming for him to hug him, to touch him, to simply be close to him. He didn’t want to show
how eager, how desperate he was though, he didn’t want to show how much their distance affected
him. Because he knew his reaction was disproportionate. It only had been a week or so and it
wasn’t like they had no contact with each other at all. But Felix was addicted, he was dependent
already. He knew it. And he didn’t want Hyunjin to know it too. Because it was the kind of thing
that could very easily scare people away in those situations. And of course,he was also worried for
Hyunjin. The boy had barely had any sleep and had worked all night already. No matter how happy
he was to see him, Hyunjin really should have gone back to bed.

“I didn’t want to.” Hyunjin retorted with a small pout, still walking to him.

“Why not?” Felix raised an eyebrow.

“Because I wanted to see you.” Hyunjin simply stated, stopping only a few centimeters away from
Felix, looking at him. He extended his hand to grab Felix’s fingers in his. “I haven’t slept well
lately, without you..” he pouted some more, tilting his head, Felix’s heart melting instantly.

“I know.. “ Felix sighed, interlacing their fingers, looking at his feet. “Me neither..” he admitted.

Hyunjin took one more step forward, his feet appearing in Felix’s vision. His fingers slid under
Felix's chin, tilting it up, forcing the smaller boy to look up at his beautiful but tired face.

“Did you miss me?” he asked.

His voice was teasing, but Felix could read in his eyes a kind of desperation, hope that Felix had
indeed missed him. It was as if Hyunjin was scared of the answer. And because of that, Felix
understood. He wasn’t the only one missing Hyunjin, not the only one feeling that void in his daily
life since he couldn’t hold him or kiss him or just simply spend hours in bed with him. Hyunjin was
feeling it too. That was why he was here now, despite the lack of sleep, instead of going back to
bed when he realized Felix wasn’t home anymore. This gave Felix the boost of confidence he
needed. He raised his hand, brushing away Hyunjin’s messy hair from his face, pulling them back,
Hyunjin closing his eyes just for a second at the touch.

“Of course I did..” Felix softly breathed, his hand sliding down from Hyunjin’s hair, caressing his
shoulder, the length of his arm to grab his other hand. “You look exhausted, sit down.” he gently
said, leading him to the chair he was sitting on a second ago, turning them around so it was now
behind Hyunjin, inciting him to sit down with a look.

Hyunjin complied, sitting down but instinctively pulled on Felix’s hands to bring him closer. Felix
was standing between Hyunjin’s spread legs, one of Hyunjin’s hand letting go of his own to come
and play with he rim of the shirt Felix had borrowed, a little smile tugging at the corner of his lips
as he looked up, tilting his head to the side.
“That’s mine, you know..?” he said playfully, tugging on the fabric softly.

Felix looked down at himself. He finally realized that half the buttons of the shirt were already
open, showing way more skin than really was necessary. And any other time he would’ve felt shy,
embarrassed and would’ve tried to cover himself up. But not now. He didn’t know if it was the
adrenaline of dancing all morning, the confidence that knowing Hyunjin missed him gave him or
simply the fact that he was so attention-starved that he felt like being more bold. But one thing was
for sure, all he had in mind now was not to cover himself, on the contrary, it was to tease Hyunjin,
just like Hyunjin always teased him.

“I can always take it off if you want it back..” Felix said, his fingers already finding their way to
the buttons, but his eyes stuck to Hyunjin’s face, his deep voice sounding confident.

Without waiting for an answer, he already unbuttoned one button, watching intently for Hyunjin’s
reaction. His lips were slightly parted and his breath lightly hitched as he looked up at Felix’s face,
clearly surprised by his boldness but not displeased by it. Slowly his eyes glanced down, tracing
every shape of his half exposed torso and finally watching his hands already at work to take off
one more button. His tongue peeked out at the corner of his lips for a second before gliding on his
bottom lip; all the while Felix managed to take off that second button, his eyes never drifting away
from Hyunjin.

“No I.. I like it..” Hyunjin’s raspy voice echoed in the room when only one more button was
holding both sides of the shirt together.

Nonetheless, Felix unbuttoned the last button, his chest now completely exposed, the shirt resting
on his shoulders and freely flowing with each of his movements or each slight breath of air coming
his way.

“Baby..” Hyunjin warned, almost a desperate moan.

It made Felix feel powerful to see the effect he had on the other man, to be the one in charge of the
situation for once. Of course he loved when Hyunjin was taking things into his own hands, but
right now he was proving to himself that he could be sexy, he could be desirable, he could have the
same effect on Hyunjin that Hyunjin had on him. And that felt really good after days of not having
his burning gaze on him, days of not feeling his hands touching his skin with barely hidden desire,
days of not sharing tantalizing kisses.

“Um?” Felix simply asked, his hand reaching up, tucking a long black strand behind Hyunjin’s ear
like nothing was amiss, refraining a little smug smile at the face Hyunjin was making while
looking up at him.

“I won’t be able to dance at all if you keep this up..” he admitted biting his lip as his eyes danced
towards Felix’s naked chest once more.

“Well that’s good..” Felix answered, his voice suddenly more teasing, more sensual. A tone he
didn’t think he possessed. The smile was now shining at the corner of his lips, sly; almost sexual.
“You’re exhausted, you should rest..” he simply explained, his fingers burying themselves in his
hair to comb them back now, gently, softly. “So.. you sit right there, and I’ll dance, alright?” he
added, teasingly.

To finish his sentence, he leaned, pressing his lips ever so softly at the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth,
not touching his lips and just brushing his skin, before taking a few steps back, already walking to
put music on without waiting for a reaction on Hyunjin’s part. He could only imagine the face that
Hyunjin was making and that was enough to boost his ego and his self-confidence once more. He
knew Hyunjin was turned on by his little act and he wanted to keep it going. He had longed for
Hyunjin for a whole week and even before that, the boy had teased him for days, only once
offering him release but never giving him what he really wanted. After not being touched at all for
a whole week, it was Felix’s turn to be the one torturing Hyunjin instead. It only seemed fair. And
it definitely seemed fun.

He didn’t really know where this sudden boldness came from. He just knew that having Hyunjin
there, knowing that the boy had longed for him as much as he did during those days apart, was
making him feel powerful. And that all this pent up frustration that was bubbling inside him made
him feel not only horny, but bold and sexy too. And so as soon as the music started, a sensual,
languorous melody echoing in the room, he didn’t hesitate to move alongside it. He was rolling his
hips sensually, lifting his arms above his head gracefully, the shirt freely flowing around him,
unveiling even more skin than before.

At first he was facing the mirrors, his back to Hyunjin and still he found his eyes on the reflective
surface, holding onto his gaze. He was graceful, every movement slow, controlled, exuding
sensuality and desire at the same time. He had never been so sexy, so unapologetically sexual
before. But it was all for Hyunjin and so he didn’t feel the slightest bit weird about it. Actually, he
quite liked the feeling. As he danced, flowing and swaying to the beat, he turned around, facing
Hyunjin, firmly holding his gaze once more. He danced and walked, making his way closer and
closer to the chair, Hyunjin’s eyes following him, his lips parted, the look on his face a mix of
surprise, pure awe and unfiltered desire that made Felix blood pump way more than the hours of
dancing he had done before his arrival.

He turned around the chair, around Hyunjin, his hands grazing the taller boy's shoulders as he
started to sway behind him, watching him through the mirror. He let his hands roam on Hyunjin’s
chest as he leaned to touch him more, only to take his hands away, turning the other way around,
once more facing Hyunjin. With a teasing, tempting smile hanging at the corner of his lips he
slowly leaned, sitting himself on Hyunjin’s lap, still dancing, undulating his body, throwing his
head back on Hyunjin’s shoulder as the rest of his body was pressed against him, almost rubbing
against every part of him. Soon Hyunjin’s hands, of course, found their way to Felix’s hips, but it
was Felix’s game, and he wasn’t ready to let Hyunjin take control of it just yet.

So he got up gracefully, Hyunjin’s hand falling on his now empty lap, his eyes more dark and
filled with desire than ever, the frustration readable on his face and the bulge in his pants now
unmistakable in that position. But Felix was teasingly smiling as he danced away, moving back to
the center of the room, still rolling his hips, each movement more sensual, provocative, beautiful
than the next. It might have looked too sensual, too feminine, but he wasn’t one to care about such
norms. He felt sexy, he felt powerful, desirable and in control. And that was all that mattered to
him at this second.

He continued like that for a few seconds, until the song was coming to an end and Hyunjin looked
like he was ready to jump out of his chair to grab him. Slightly panting from his effort, as the last
note hit and the music stopped, Felix combed his hair back with his fingers, turning around to
watch Hyunjin, offering him that small little pleased smile of his. Hyunjin wasn’t smiling, he
looked intense, disheveled and absolutely turned on to the maximum. Hyunjin stared at him in
silence for a second, drinking him in, watching him from head to toe, as droplets of sweat were
trickling from Felix’s hair, into his neck, slowly rolling down on the naked skin of his shirt to crash
onto the rim of his black pants.

“Come here..” he said, his voice firm, commanding, as he gestured Felix to come over with two
fingers in the air.
Felix had had his fun and now it was Hyunjin who was back in charge. And they both knew it. So
of course, Felix obeyed the command, slowly walking to Hyunjin’s chair, stopping only a few
centimeters away from him. Hyunjin looked up at him, his tongue slowly rolling on his bottom lip,
his breathing shallow already.

“Sit down.” he ordered.

And Felix did. But instead of sitting on his lap sideways, like he would normally do, he straddled
the other boy, putting one leg on each side of him and pressing himself against him and his
hardness while doing so. Felix might not be in charge anymore, but he still had a few tricks up his
sleeves to drive Hyunjin crazy. It seemed to work, as a muffled groan bubbled in his throat, his
large hand falling directly on Felix’s hips. He pressed Felix down further, putting some pressure on
his hips, all the while tilting himself up, pinning Felix’s butt against the hard bulge in his pants, the
tiniest moan escaping Felix’s lips already.

“Do you feel how hard you make me baby?” he asked, his voice raw, only a whisper in the empty
room.

Felix nodded, it was all he could do, his breath already stolen away from how hot Hyunjin was and
how hard he felt under him. It had been days since he had felt him like that, touched him like that,
and it now felt like everything was exacerbated because of it. He could feel himself getting harder
too, simply from this situation, from hearing his sensual voice and feeling Hyunjin’s cock, through
his clothes, rubbing against him.

“Good.. Because I can’t take it anymore.” Hyunjin stated, leaning to speak directly next to Felix’s
ear in a low tone, shivers running down Felix’s back.

Softly, he pressed his lips just under Felix’s ear, on his neck, right where he was so sensitive,
dragging the tip of his tongue on his skin, dropping kisses here and there, up and down his neck in
that way only himself knew how. That, only, was enough to drive Felix crazy, closing his eyes
partly to enjoy the feeling, biting his lower lip hard. Suddenly Hyunjin rolled his hips under him,
rubbing himself hard against Felix who couldn’t refrain the loud moan that escaped his lips at the
sensation, drawing a pleased, smug smile out of Hyunjin.

“So sensitive..” he purred, leaning back to watch Felix’s face, his hand cupping his cheek, his
thumb caressing his bottom lip softly.

After a second, his thumb pressed against Felix’s closed lips, asking for entrance and Felix eagerly
accepted, opening his mouth slightly, Hyunjin sliding his thumb inside. Felix closed his heart-
shaped lips around Hyunjin’s finger, instinctively rolling tongue around it, sucking it like it was
another part of his body. It made Hyunjin groan once more, his other hand, still on Felix’s hip,
gripping him firmly.

“That pretty mouth of yours will be the end of me..” he murmured, more to himself than anything
else, watching Felix’s lips slide around his finger as he slowly took it out of his mouth. “I can’t
forget when it was full up with my cum..” he whispered.

The memory made Felix whimper, as he rubbed himself against Hyunjin. He couldn’t forget it
either, in fact he thought about it multiple times a day and it had been hard to have those kinds of
thoughts without ever being able to get any release from Hyunjin. Because, obviously, despite their
load of work, when he thought about those things, his body always reacted in the same way. That
was the reason why he was so frustrated now, his body almost aching to finally be touched.

“You liked that too, uh baby?” he asked with a little raspy chuckle. “Such a naughty boy..” he
whispered, a sensual smile on his lips as he dragged, once more, his thumb on Felix’s lower lip.
“Does it make you hard to think about it?” he asked and Felix nodded, the gesture almost
imperceptible. “So tell me baby.. Did you touch yourself this week, when I couldn’t touch you?”
he then questioned, raising an eyebrow, taking his hand away to put it back on Felix’s hip.

Felix had thought about it, more than a couple of times. When he was alone for a few minutes in
the shower, or during those nights when Hyunjin was stuck at the dance studio. He had almost
offered himself release after replaying their time in the shower in his head and getting hard from the
memories. But he hadn’t. And he sometimes wished he had, because the tension in his body every
time he was getting aroused was now getting harder and harder to bear. But for some reason, he
didn’t want to, he only wanted Hyunjin’s hand to be the one giving him that kind of pleasure. So as
softly as before, he shook his head at Hyunjin’s question. This made Hyunjin smile hungrily.

“Good boy..” he praised, and it could’ve sounded condescending or weird, but Felix actually loved
it, his whole body tingling at Hyunjin approving tone. That sort of power dynamic had always been
something that turned him on after all. “Only I can touch you there, alright?” he said, one of his
hands sliding on Felix’s lap and pressing itself against the bulge that was forming in his pants,
Felix once more moaning at the contact, despite the clothes between their skins.

“Yes..” he agreed eagerly, with a small, breathless voice.

As quickly as he had pressed his hands against Felix, he took it away, putting it back on his hip.
Felix couldn’t help but pout slightly, unsatisfied, Hyunjin chuckling at his behavior. Suddenly he
got up from the chair, his arms firmly keeping Felix upright, taking him with him. Felix wrapped
his arms around Hyunjin’s neck to hold his own weight but Hyunjin simply took a few steps away
from the chair before leaning down, getting on his knees and softly, gently, laying Felix on the
wooden floor, towering over him. The open shirt slid down on each side of Felix’s chest, exposing
it entirely to Hyunjin’s eyes now and, watching Hyunjin biting his lips as he looked him up and
down, he seemed to like what he was seeing.

“Do you want me to touch you, Felix?” he asked, his voice raw, his fingers grazing the naked skin
of Felix’s chest and slowly going down, barely touching him.

“Yes..” Felix said, his voice almost just a soft eager whimper as he was laying there, under
Hyunjin, completely at his mercy, his body already begging to be ravaged.

“Do you want me to fuck you, right there on the floor?” Hyunjin asked again. It was clear in his
eyes, in his voice, that him too, was eager and losing patience.

Still he was playing the game and as always, he was so good at it that it was turning Felix on
without him even needing to touch him. Felix was hard in his pants now, the fabric tense and tight
around him, his dick pulsing and aching with need. He nodded at Hyunjin’s question, his lips
parted, his breathing quick and shallow, his eyes pleading.

“Ask me then..” Hyunjin whispered leaning above Felix, one hand on each side of him so he could
lean on top of him without crushing him. “Say it..”

“Please, Hyunjin..” Felix whimpered.

“Say it in English..” Hyunjin asked again.

“Hyunjin, fuck me, please..” Felix obliged.

He didn’t know why Hyunjin was asking that, knowing he could barely understand English, but
seeing the look on his face, hearing his breathing hitch at the words, he could tell this turned him
on. Hyunjin had mentioned he liked hearing Felix speak English before, that his voice was
somewhat deeper when he switched languages. But he had never realized that it was something
that could turn him on that way. He made a mental note to remember that.

Taking in a deep breath, Hyunjin looked at Felix for a second more, simply admiring him, biting
his lower lip, his eyes dark and filled with unfiltered desire, his breathing quick. The tension
between the two of them was thick and Felix could barely take it anymore. He was about to beg
once more, forgetting all pride and shyness, when finally Hyunjin opened his mouth again.

“As you wish, baby.” he said, leaning down to finally press his lips against Felix’s for the first time
in days.
 Use Those Pretty Lips..

When Hyunjin’s lips finally touched Felix’s, the boy could feel the electricity between them.
Hyunjin was trying to be soft at first, but that didn’t last long, the two of them wanting to devour
each other. Felix quickly brought his arms around Hyunjin’s neck, burying his hands in his black
hair, opening his mouth to let his tongue dance with Hyunjin’s a muffled whimper escaping his
lips at the wonderful feeling of that long awaited kiss. Hyunjin held his breath, pressing his body
harder against Felix, pinning him to the floor, eagerly exploring Felix’s mouth with his tongue, all
traces of softness already lost, replaced by a carnal hunger, a need to possess Felix completely.
That week of not touching each other, not kissing each other, had brought them both to their limit.

Kissing him feverishly, Hyunjin’s hand made its way down Felix’s chest, between both their
bodies, caressing his chest, his abs, his nails softly grazing his skin on its way down. Felix shivered
under his touch, his fingers softly tugging on Hyunjin’s black strands, losing himself in his kiss.
Too soon, too suddenly, Hyunjin leaned away, their lips separating, both of them panting.

“Fuck, I missed that mouth of yours..” he groaned, his free hand coming to cup Felix’s face,
brushing his thumb on his lower lip like he had done multiple times already. “I want to hear all the
sounds you’re going to make for me baby..” he sensually announced.

Felix felt his cheeks burn but he didn’t have time to process Hyunjin’s words or feel shy about
them, because already Hyunjin was unbuttoning Felix’s pants, sliding an eager hand inside. He
didn’t wait, didn’t tease him like he usually would have. He couldn’t wait anymore it seemed like.
So quickly his hand slid inside, bypassing Felix’s underwear to find his cock, wrapping his fingers
firmly, possessively around his length.

“Hyunjin..” Felix moaned, arching his back, the feeling already too much for him to take.

“You’re already so hard baby..” Hyunjin noted, clearly pleased, tightening his grip around him and
giving his cock a slow stroke up and down, making Felix whimper once more. “I’m gonna make
you feel so good..” he promised, leaning to press his lips against Felix’s again.

Crashing their mouths together, invading Felix’s mouth with his tongue, he started to stroke his
length slowly, teasing Felix who just wanted him to go hard on him, to simply give him what he
needed right then and there. Rolling his hips, arching his back, Felix was moaning in Hyunjin’s
mouth, wanting always more. He extended his arms, tugging on Hyunjin’s shirt with one hand,
trying to reach the rim of his pants with the other, wanting to touch him too. Hyunjin softly
chuckled against his mouth before leaning back again, his hand still firmly wrapped around his
hardness, but unmoving.

“What do you want baby? Say it..” Hyunjin teased, tilting his head.

“I want to touch you..” Felix sheepishly said, biting his lower lip, his cheeks burning. “Please..” he
added in English, his voice deep and raw.

“Is that so..” Hyunjin groaned, his eyes dark with hunger, his hand once more stroking Felix, more
rapidly, more firmly this time, Felix biting his lip to muffle moans coming out of his mouth,
arching his whole body under Hyunjin’s touch. “In that case..” he whispered and suddenly took his
hand away, leaving Felix panting and whimpering, unsatisfied.

He got up under Felix’s incredulous gaze, leaving him alone on the ground, the bulge in his pants
worse than before, his cock pulsating and aching, his whole body needing more. He walked back
towards the chair only a few steps away, sitting down on it, legs spread. His eyes fixed on Felix, he
pulled down on the rim of his own pants ever so slightly, just enough so he could reach inside,
taking out his dick for Felix to see. He gave himself a few, slow strokes, watching for Felix’s
reaction. Felix's mouth watered as soon as he saw Hyunjin’s hardness, leaning back up from the
floor to watch the other boy pleasure himself. He bit his lower lip furiously, watching the long
fingers go up and down Hyunjin’s length.

“Come here.” Hyunjin commanded, his voice firm and hungry.

Felix got up, shakily, walking in Hyunjin’s direction, stopping in front of him like he was awaiting
his orders. Hyunjin simply gestured for him to get on his knees, between his thighs and Felix was
happy to do so, putting a hand on each of Hyunjin’s thighs as he lowered himself to the ground
once more, getting on his knees like the other boy wanted. Hyunjin was still stroking himself
softly, while his other hand quickly found its way behind Felix’s head, his fingers entangling
themselves in his pink hair.

“You want it?” Hyunjin asked, seeing Felix looking down at him, at his hand working on the
length of his cock. And Felix simply nodded, licking his lips in expectation. “Want to use those
pretty lips?”

Firmly Hyunjin guided Felix face towards his crotch until his eyes were at the same level as
Hyunjin cock. He was a little rough but it only turned Felix on even more. Hyunjin pressed the tip
of his dick against Felix’s mouth, rubbing it on his lips softly, precum coating them.

“Stick you tongue out for me baby.” Quickly, eagerly, Felix parted his lips, sticking his tongue out
just like he was asked, Hyunjin directly rubbing the tip of his cock on his tongue now with a little
satisfied moan. “Good boy..” he purred.

Hungry and eager to please Hyunjin, Felix flicked his tongue, lapping the precum from his slit
before rolling his tongue around the tip of his cock. This must have broken the last restraint
Hyunjin had because, grabbing Felix’s hair in his hand, he roughly pushed his head down, forcing
his cock into his mouth, sliding himself in until he hit the back of Felix’s throat in one go, his
mouth completely full with all of Hyunjin’s length.

“Fuck!” Hyunjin loudly moaned, drawing out the word as he threw his head back, breathless.
“Don’t move..” he then breathed, holding Felix’s head in place, his cock pulsing in the other boy's
mouth. “Look at me..” he ordered quickly, Felix obeying, lifting his eyes, his mouth full, to meet
Hyunjin’s feverish gaze. “Fuck, you look so good with my cock in your mouth baby..” he groaned.

Felix was beside himself with desire hearing those words, he wanted to touch himself, to get some
release because having his mouth full with Hyunjin’s dick, feeling it against the back of his throat,
his fingers firmly maintaining him in place.. It was everything he loved and he was turned on more
than he ever had been before. The idea of Hyunjin using his mouth like he wanted, fucking it
roughly like he had done in the shower, was sending him over the edge already. He knew he
couldn’t touch himself right then and there though, Hyunjin had been clear before that he wanted to
be the only one touching Felix. So he simply held his burning gaze, waiting for Hyunjin to give
him permission to suck him like he wanted to, to give him some well deserved pleasure.

After a second of simply watching Felix, Hyunjin finally tugged on his hair gently, but firmly,
silently gesturing to him to start moving on his length. And Felix, once more, was more than happy
to oblige, hollowing his cheeks as Hyunjin led him up his cock and then back down again with a
bestial grunt. He let his tongue freely roam around the member while going up and down, the slow
rhythm set by Hyunjin who wasn’t letting go of his hair, wasn’t letting go of the power he had to
tell Felix exactly what to do.
“You love sucking my cock, don’t you?” he purred, his teeth slightly clenched, making Felix’s
head go up and down slowly along his length, his breathing quick and shallow. “I’m gonna fill you
up up real good later baby..” he promised, panting.

With those words, he suddenly pushed his hips up, hitting roughly the back of Felix’s throat again,
cursing under his breath. Felix moaned around him, keeping his balance by holding onto Hyunjin’s
thighs, his eyes still looking up at him, his eyelids fluttering. Slowly Hyunjin brought his hips
down, leading Felix’s head up, taking his cock out of his mouth only to rub the tip against his lips
again.

“I could fuck your mouth for hours..” he whispered, almost to himself, his tip coating Felix’s lips
with the saliva that was on it. “But I..” he continued.

When suddenly he stopped, both of them freezing at the sounds of footsteps in the corridor behind
the door of the studio. It could be people going to use another room but both of them knew it
probably wasn’t the case. And it was proven when a voice echoed from outside, sounding closer
and closer to the door by the second.

“Channie said he would already be here..” Jeongin’s voice resonated.

In a rush, Felix quickly got up, taking a few steps away, closing the button of his pants while
Hyunjin pulled his pants back up, hiding his erection under the fabric, just in time for them to hear
the door open, Jeongin and Changbin bursting inside. Felix had completely forgotten, for a second,
that he was waiting for those two and now he was cursing himself as much as he was cursing them.
Both Hyunjin and Felix looked flushed, their breathing quick, Felix’s lips were glistening with
saliva and precum, his shirt still wide open, his hands in front of him to hide his crotch, his hair a
complete mess. Hyunjin was sitting with his hands on his lap, hiding his erection too, his chest
rising up and down too quickly to be natural.

“Hey Felix you’re.. Oh, Jinnie, what are you still doing here?” Changbin asked, raising an eyebrow
when he noticed Hyunjin, before looking between the two of them suspiciously.

“He was about to leave, right?” Felix exclaimed, a little too hastily, looking at Hyunjin with
pleading eyes.

“Right.” Hyunjin agreed, glancing at Felix but seeming very displeased by the whole situation,
slowly getting up from his chair.

“Right..” Changbin repeated slowly, dubitative, with a little frown.

Hyunjin started walking towards the exit straight away, keeping his hands in front of him, hiding
the bulge in his pants, but definitely not hiding the displeased expression on his face.

“You look dead, are you okay?” Jeongin asked, worried. After all Hyunjin had almost had no sleep
before he came to see Felix, and he did look tired, but that wasn’t the issue right now and Felix
knew it.

“I’m fine.” Hyunjin answered, a little harshly before leaving the room without a word more,
Jeongin and Changbin stunned, looking at him go.

Felix chuckled softly with a little pout. He was as frustrated as Hyunjin was to be cut off like that,
so he could understand his reaction, but he prefered to laugh about it because there was nothing he
could do anyway.

“He’s just exhausted, don’t worry..” Felix softly smiled to explain Hyunjin’s behavior. “I’m gonna
make sure he gets a cab and then we’ll start. Stretch for a bit, alright?” he then said, making his
way to the exit, following on Hyunjin’s footsteps quickly under their gaze.

Jogging out, Felix found Hyunjin a little further in the corridor, stopping when he heard the
footsteps behind him and turning his head towards Felix, frowning, with a displeased pout on his
lips. Felix couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit when he arrived close to him but offered him a little
sorry smile nonetheless. There was nothing he wanted more but to be back in that room, Hyunjin’s
cock in his mouth, to continue what they were doing, but he couldn’t back out of his priorities and
Hyunjin knew it as well as he did. So he sighed, looking down, passing a furious hand through his
hair.

“Try to get some sleep when you get back home, alright?” Felix softly said, reaching for his hand
to take it in his.

“I don’t want to sleep though..” he groaned, unhappy, taking a step to get as close to Felix as he
could. He raised his hand, grabbing Felix’s chin between his fingers firmly, tilting his head up. “ I
want to fuck you.” he stated, intensly looking in his eyes, using his thumb to wipe away the saliva
and precum glinting on Felix’s bottom lip.

Suddenly Felix felt Hyunjin’s free end cupping his hard cock through his pants. Fortunately,
nobody was in the corridor, but Felix didn’t even think about it, his breath hitching in his throat as
he bit his lip not to moan at the contact. Hyunjin leaned, his face only a few centimetres away from
Felix’s, his hot breath hitting his skin.

“I want to bend you over, right here, in this corridor..” he whispered, his voice still as raw and
sensual as before, Felix melting in his arms once more.

He crashed his lips against Felix’s without any gentleness, biting his lower lip and invading his
mouth with his tongue, Felix barely able to keep upright, his head spinning. But he quickly leaned
away.

“Hyunjin..” Felix warned, even though by the sound of his voice, hoarse and needy, he wasn’t very
convincing.

“I know. I know..” Hyunjin sighed, taking his hands away, and, instead, bringing them up in front
of Felix, grabbing the sides of his shirt and slowly starting to button it up, looking at his hands
working on the buttons. “I just really want you, that’s all..” he said weakly.

Felix knew for Hyunjin, just like for him, it wasn’t only about the sex, it was also about the fact
that they had been so distant from one another for a week that they wanted a kind of reassurance
that it didn’t change anything between them. And the sex was the best way to show one another
that they wanted each other, owned each other. And even without that, they had been extremely
turned on just a second ago and being abruptly stopped like that obviously didn’t make either of
them feel very good. But it couldn’t be helped, sadly. The only thing that really bothered Felix was
to not know when another occasion like that, to spend time alone with Hyunjin, would present
himself. But he wasn’t going to burden the other boy with these kinds of thoughts.

“Hey..” Felix said, his voice soothing, waiting for Hyunjin to look back up at him. “I want you
too.” he said, looking straight into his eyes, making sure Hyunjin understood how true that was.
“We’ll find some time later, I promise..” he softly said, even though he didn’t know if that was true
and that pained him. “So go home and get some sleep, alright?” he finished, caressing Hyunjin’s
cheek, tucking a strand behind his ear.
“Okay, I guess..” Hyunjin finally answered with an unhappy pout after a few seconds of silence
during which he finished to button up Felix’s shirt. “You’re going to be okay?” he then asked, so
sweetly, so softly, that it melted Felix’s heart.

The duality Hyunjin was showing between the moments where he was dominating him, ordering
him around, touching him like he owned his body, and the moments where he was so soft with
him, so gentle, like he was scared to see him break at any moment, was something Felix loved
about him. It was sometimes hard to wrap his head around how different Hyunjin could act from
one moment to the next, but that was what made him unique and, frankly, perfect for him.

“I’ll be..” Felix looked down at himself, at the bulge in his pants, slowly decreasing but still ever-
present. “.. fine” he chuckled, shaking his head, looking back up at Hyunjin.

“Don’t work too much, alright?” the other boy said, with a little worried frown.

“You’re one to talk..” Felix laughed.

“Yeah.. Touché..” he tilted his head with a little loving smile. “Seriously though.. Come home
soon, you’re always working too hard this past few days.” he added more seriously and Felix knew
the concern he had for him was genuine.

“I promise.” he smiled, soothingly and Hyunjin nodded with a little pout.

After that Felix simply accompanied Hyunjin outside the building, waiting for him to be able to get
a cab. Only once Hyunjin was sitting in the car, driving away to get back home, did Felix walk
back inside, making his way to the dance studio, knowing he would spend the next few hours there
with Changbin and Jeongin.

He loved spending time with them and helping them with the choreography was more fun than it
seemed, despite it being work. But Felix was preoccupied, worried that he might not get another
chance to spend quality time with Hyunjin once he would be back at the house, the two of them
having to fall back into their busy routines. After the moment they almost had, it was even more
frustrating than before to think about going days without being close to him once more. Even if
they made an effort, they were both swamped with work lately, between recordings, making
videos, practicing both singing and dancing. And there was still a few weeks to go like that before
the end of their deadline, before knowing whether or not they were granted that live performance
they were all after. And Felix knew he couldn’t take weeks without being intimate with Hyunjin
when only a single week had driven him insane like that. He just hoped they would find a way but
he couldn’t help but being pessimistic about it, maybe because his mood was so bad after being
interrupted in the middle of their love session. But whether or not Felix was preoccupied, one thing
was for sure, he still had work to do.

So, with these heavy thoughts swirling in his head, he went into the room, hoping that dancing
some more and spending time with his bandmates would help him relieve his anxiety. And praying
that neither Jeongin nor Changbin would ask questions.
 I Know Babe.. I Know.

Time went by quickly in the dance studio, the three of them working non-stop, Changbin and
Jeongin catching on quickly to whatever Felix was trying to teach them. Despite the minutes that
flew by, despite his head being totally focused on the task at hand, Felix was still longing for
Hyunjin, his optimism about spending time with him when he came home dwindling more and
more each second.

He tried not to think about it while he was dancing, looking in the mirror to see if Changbin and
Jeongin were making mistakes or not. But it was hard for him to think about anything else than
that, as soon as his thoughts wandered, even for a second, away from work. After the moment they
had a few hours ago, all he wanted was to be back in his arms. Of course he wanted to finish what
they had started, a part of him still insanely turned on just thinking about it. But it went beyond the
sex and beyond his primal needs. All he wanted was time with him, against him. Nothing more,
nothing less. But he knew, deep inside, no matter how hard he tried to stay optimistic, that he
wouldn’t get what he wanted once he got home, and probably not in the few days or weeks to come
either. That was the trade they had to make if they wanted this live performance after all.

The trio stayed at the studio for a little under three hours before they were all satisfied with the
results and decided to call it a day. Felix, who had been there, dancing, hours before Changbin and
Jeongin even arrived, was exhausted, his body running on auto-pilot. Even though he wanted
nothing more than to go home, take a shower and, hopefully, at least get a glimpse of his lover to
soothe his mind, his bandmates weren’t as rushed as he was. They were starving, begging Felix to
go to a restaurant nearby for a quick meal before driving home. Changbin was the one with the car
keys and the licence so Felix couldn’t really refuse. He could’ve taken a cab home, but it felt rude
to do so. He loved spending time with the both of them and he didn’t want to make them feel
otherwise. So he accepted, dragging his feet behind them.

The “quick” meal Changbin had promised turned into an hour and a half stop, all of them chatting
happily and joking around, occasionally digging into their plates. Felix should’ve seen it coming.
Changbin and Jeongin, just like the rest of them, had been working non-stop for over a week and
neither of them had had a chance to relax like that since then so, of course, they took that chance
and rolled with it, taking their sweet time. Felix didn’t complain, he had fun talking with them,
getting to know them more every time they spoke about something new. But Hyunjin was still
ever-present in the back of his mind, his worried smile when he told him to not come home too
late. And so he couldn’t help but be relieved when Changbin finally asked for the bill and, after
some arguing about who would pay for the meal, they made their way to the car, ready to drive
home, where more work awaited them.

Sadly, like Felix had anticipated, Hyunjin was nowhere to be found when he arrived home.
Actually nobody was in the living room or the kitchen except Seungmin who was diligently
working on his computer, lifting his head to smile and greet them back home before going back to
whatever work he was doing. Felix tried not to look as disappointed as he actually was not to be
able to lay eyes on Hyunjin, deciding he couldn’t let himself dwell on something so small when so
much still needed to be done.

Already Jeongin and Changbin both decided to annoy Seungmin for a bit so Felix took it as a sign
that he could use the shower first, chuckling softly at their behavior and at Seungmin exasperated
face before leaving the room and jogging up the stairs, wondering where the others were. They
probably were all working in the recording studio with Chan, this was, after all, the other place
they all spent most of their time other than the dance studio lately. Felix sighed, remembering he
hadn’t had a chance to hear Hyunjin perform in the last few days either, their schedule always
being different. When Hyunjin was recording or practicing downstairs, Felix was at the dance
studio and vice versa most of the time. That was just one more thing he missed about him, listening
to his smooth voice.

With what seemed to be the umpteenth sigh since he came home, Felix walked towards the room
he shared with Hyunjin to grab some clean clothes to put on after his shower. As he extended his
hand to grab the doorknob though, the door suddenly opened, Hyunjin filling Felix’s vision as he
looked up, surprised. He seemed a little better than before, his complexion looking more healthy,
his eyes less tired, proof that he had indeed managed to get a few hours of sleep after coming
home. One way or another though, he still looked as perfect as ever to Felix, whose worries
instantly melted away as soon as he laid eyes on him.

The two of them stared at one another in silence for a long second, probably taken aback to
suddenly run into one another in front of the door. But quickly enough Hyunjin grabbed Felix’s
wrist, suddenly pulling him back inside the room, closing the door behind them and swiftly pinning
him against the door. His hands were on Felix’s cheeks, his lips against his before Felix could even
comprehend what was going on. And, in an instant, Felix was reciprocating, his tiny fingers
gripping the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt, parting his lips to offer his tongue entrance to his mouth,
deeply inhaling Hyunjin’s scent all around him like it was a drug he had been deprived of for
month, despite having seen the boy only a few hours before.

“You just came back?” Hyunjin asked between two kisses;

Felix simply managed to nod before leaning to crash his lips against Hyunjin’s once more with a
little impatient whimper, unable to control himself because he knew those moments were not going
to last long.

“Did you sleep?” Felix questioned during the little second where their lips separated.

“Yeah” Hyunjin breathed, his lips finding Felix’s once again, one of his hands slipping in his pink
strands while the other was roaming down the length of his arm to grip his hip tightly. “I missed
you..” he whispered, sounding desperate against Felix’s mouth, his eyes half closed, his breathing
shallow.

“I missed you too Hyunnie..” Felix murmured back, raising his arms to wrap them around
Hyunjin’s neck, dropping a soft peck on his lips once more, hungry for any kind of touch or contact
the man would offer him at this point, his body begging for the attention.

The little nickname pleased Hyunjin, as it always did, the boy wrapping his arms around Felix’s
waist, Felix arching his back away from the door to press himself closer to him, their bodies fitting
so perfectly together that it made Felix’s heart flutter at the thought. Hyunjin quickly leaned,
burying his face in Felix’s neck, deeply inhaling his scent while pressing his lips just under his ear,
shivers running down Felix’s body.

“Sorry, I haven’t showered yet, I’m disgusting right now..” Felix chuckled sheepishly, feeling a bit
embarrassed that Hyunjin had to witness his sweaty state but still closing his eyes to enjoy his
touch nonetheless.

“I don’t care..” Hyunjin groaned in his neck, his lips brushing his skin, making him weak in the
knees. “You smell amazing..” he added, his voice more raw, needy. “I want to..” he started
Suddenly there was a loud bang at the door, the wood vibrating again Felix’s back as the sound
echoed in the room.

“Jinnie, you’re ready?! I’m not gonna wait all day!” Minho loudly announced from behind the
door, banging against the wood once more for good measure.

Hyunjin groaned unhappily in Felix’s neck, his grip on him tightening like he wasn’t ready to let
him go. Felix refrained himself from sighing, not wanting to show to Hyunjin how bothered he was
that once more their time was cut short. Hyunjin raised his head after a second, staring at the door,
shooting daggers at Minho with his gaze, through the thick wooden plank.

“I’ll be there in a sec!” he called, sounding more annoyed than anything else.

A second later Minho’s footsteps could be heard walking away from the door and quickly jogging
down the stairs, two by two. Only then did Hyunjin tear his gaze away from the door to lay his
eyes on Felix’s face again, a sad pout already taking its place on those full lips that Felix wanted to
spend hours kissing. Despite how sad and bothered Felix felt inside, he simply offered Hyunjin a
small, reassuring smile. He didn’t want to be that guy, the one that showed his weakness and made
Hyunjin worry, the one that complained even though everything he dreamed of was being handed
to him. So even if he had to deal with his feelings of missing Hyunjin and being scared about their
blossoming relationship being ruined by the distance on his own, he would do it, just so he
wouldn’t put even more stress on the other boy’s shoulders.

“Sorry..” Hyunjin said weakly, biting his lower lip like he felt guilty, looking down at Felix with
his puppy eyes. “We’ve been practicing and recording all morning so now we need to get to the
dance studio..” he explained, even though Felix had already guessed it was the case.

“It’s okay..” Felix whispered in English, is voice low and soothing as he raised a hand to tuck a
strand of hair behind Hyunjin’s ear, lingering there to caress his cheek. “Work comes first.” he
smiled reassuringly.

“You should come first..” Hyunjin groaned with a frown, definitely displeased by the whole
situation.

The words made Felix want to cry. It was already hard for him to deal with all those feelings, this
frustration and the hole in his soul from the distance between Hyunjin and him this past few days.
Inside, he was an emotional mess. So having Hyunjin say something so sweet, so meaningful,
while looking at him like he held the world in his hands.. It was hard not to give in and start to sob
in his arms right then and there. Felix took a deep, quiet breath to steady himself, wanting to be the
pillar Hyunjin could lean against, the strong one who could support him for once.

“We have all the time in the world for that.” he smiled softly, Hyunjin tilting his head to press his
cheek against Felix’s palm, looking at him, this sad pout still glued to his perfect lips. “I’m still
going to be here in a week, two weeks, a month..” he announced, gently caressing his cheek with
his thumb. “So let’s do our best to get Stray Kids on stage, and then we’ll be able to celebrate
together.” he said, taking his hand away to slide it down Hyunjin’s arm, grabbing one of his hands.
“Alright?”

Hyunjin stood there, staring at Felix for a second before letting out a loud sigh, nodding at Felix’s
words even though it was clear, looking in his eyes, that it pained him to do so.

“I hate this..” he announced childishly, with this pout of his.

“I know babe..” Felix breathed, squeezing his hand. “I know..”

Hyunjin’s eyes grew wide at that. Felix realized it was the first time he ever used a pet name with
him and his mouth dropped open too, unable to say anything, his cheeks burning at the realization
of what came out of his mouth. It sounded weird for him to say such things. Hyunjin was always
calling him “baby” or “darling”, endearing titles like those, but it sounded good because Hyunjin
had the confidence for it. Felix, on the other hand, had never used pet names for anyone in his life
before, especially not a lover. But as weird as it sounded to him, it came out naturally in the
moment and, looking up at Hyunjin’s face, Felix suddenly saw stars dancing in his eyes, a little
smile appearing on his lips. He liked that.

“Anyway!” Felix quickly exclaimed, his cheeks a bright shade of pink, looking away for a second,
still embarrassed, despite feeling weirdly happy that Hyunjin liked his little pet name. “You should
go before Minho tries to tear down the door to get you..”

“Yeah, probably..” Hyunjin chuckled softly, finally taking a step away from Felix whose body
instantly felt cold without Hyunjin’s warmth surrounding him. “You’re gonna be okay baby?” he
asked, tilting his head to the side with a little worried frown.

Felix was overwhelmed by emotions. Hyunjin seemed to always ask him if he was going to be
okay. There was no reason he wouldn’t be fine, he was home, nothing dangerous could happen to
him. And still Hyunjin asked. For some reason it meant a lot to Felix, like Hyunjin was worried
about him constantly, always wanting to make sure he was okay, he was comfortable, he was
happy. It was one more reason why Felix didn’t want to show how bothered he was by not being
able to spend quality time with him. If Hyunjin was already worried about him when nothing was
wrong, he didn’t want to imagine how the boy would feel if Felix suddenly dumped all his
insecurities on him. So he smiled softly.

“Don’t worry, I’m just gonna practice for the rest of the day, maybe go live at some point, people
have been asking for it. I don’t know.” he said with a little shrug, like it was no big deal.

“Don’t work too much..” Hyunjin said, his hand going up to pat Felix on the head. “I’ll try and
come home early, okay?” he tilted his head with a gentle smile.

Felix knew it wasn’t true. Hyunjin might “try” but he wouldn’t succeed, he would spend the
afternoon, the evening and half the night at the studio, just like he had done every other day this
past week. Felix couldn’t blame him for that, he understood, but he couldn’t spend the rest of the
day hoping for Hyunjin to come home either when he knew he was going to go to bed alone once
more when the night came. But still he nodded with a soft smile because what else could he do?

Hyunjin leaned to press his lips on Felix’s forehead, lingering there longer than was necessary,
probably battling with his need to stay here and hold him instead of leaving him. But after a few
seconds he pushed himself away and with that sad little pout he waved his hand at him, sighed, and
left the room. Only when Hyunjin wasn’t in the same space as him anymore did Felix drop his
smile, sighing deeply, falling on his unused bed while furiously running a hand through his hair,
feeling the weight of Hyunjin’s absence already hitting him.

The day after that went pretty much like Felix had imagined it. Jisung and Chan left with Minho
and Hyunjin to practice at the dance studio. after taking a quick shower, Felix practiced his rapping
with Changbin for a while, switching to practicing his singing with Seungmin after an hour.
Jeongin was furiously working on his computer to get the editing ready for a few videos they
wanted to put out the next week. Chan and Jisung both came back after a few hours and Felix and
Jeongin did some recording with Chan for a while, while Jisung was filming a vlog with Changbin
in the living room. Minho came back home two hours after Chan and Jisung, going straight to
shower and then invading the kitchen to cook something for himself and the rest of the members.
Hyunjin, obviously, was still at the dance studio and, according to Minho, wasn't showing signs
that he was planning on coming back any time soon. He had to film a solo dance cover and was
still working on it when Minho left the studio.

Despite the meal being ready, none of them actually managed to eat together. Minho dug in first,
famished by his practice. Changbin took a plate and went downstairs to the studio to talk with Chan
about some arrangements for the new song while munching on his food. Jisung and Seungmin both
managed to sit down for a few minutes, together, long enough to share the meal. Jeongin was so
engrossed in his editing work that Seungmin had to bring a plate for him on the couch to make sure
he wouldn’t forget to eat altogether. Felix came back up from the recording session after everyone
else had already eaten, sitting in the empty kitchen with his plate of food just long enough to eat it,
not lingering there when he had nobody to share the meal with, especially since his thoughts kept
drifting to Hyunjin, wondering how hungry he was.

By that point Changbin had left Chan alone downstairs, going back up to take a shower, Minho,
Jisung and SeungMin were in their room, ready for a good night’s sleep and Jeongin was still
typing and clicking away on his laptop, unaware of anything around him. Felix knew for a fact
Chan was going to be in the studio until the next morning, forgetting to even take a break to eat. So
he filled a plate and brought it to him, spending a few minutes simply sitting next to his best friend,
watching him work and take a bite of his food here and there, with his head on his shoulder. In the
midst of all the work, he didn’t find time to go on Vlive like he said he would. But it was too late
for that, so he prefered to take those few simple minutes to spend time with Chan, trying to get as
much comfort from it as he could. But soon enough he, too, was too tired to stay up, and so he left
Chan at his work to go back to his room, alone, once again.

As Felix laid down in the bed he shared with Hyunjin, he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. He
wrapped himself in their blanket, pressing his face into their shared pillow, Hyunjin’s wonderful
scent surrounding him fully. He wanted to cry, but he was too tired to let go and he knew how
pitiful it was to feel so helpless and worried simply because he couldn’t spend his time with
Hyunjin. Still he couldn’t help it. Maybe it was because of how new he was to the whole
relationship thing. Maybe it was because of how powerful and overwhelming his feelings for
Hyunjin already were. Or maybe it simply was because he was still scared that he wasn’t enough,
and that by spending so much time apart, Hyunjin would finally come to realize it. No matter what
the reason was, Felix was anxious, lonely and more than a little sad. And as he closed his eyes, his
body heavy and aching, all he could think about was Hyunjin’s arms around him.
 Just a Nightmare..

“Why?” Felix's weak voice resonated in the darkness.

There was nothing around, Felix thought they were in their room but he couldn’t even see the bed
or the desk through the blackness. Maybe it was because of the tears in his eyes, maybe his world
was too upside down right now to see clearly. Maybe his heart was broken beyond repair, throwing
him into eternal darkness. Because Hyunjin, his Hyunjin, was walking away from him.

“Why are you leaving me? You said you wouldn’t leave me..” he whimpered.

“I lied. You’re nothing to me.. You’ve never been anything to me..” Hyunjin spit out, disgusted.

“But.. I thought… I thought you..” Felix tried to say, tears clouding his vision, having a hard time
breathing, feeling his heart breaking a little more with each breath he took.

“That I what? That I loved you?” Hyunjin scoffed at the idea before looking at Felix’s face for a
second and bursting into a fit of mean, ugly laughter, his features almost distorted by it as he threw
his head back. “You really did, uh?” he managed to say between two laughs. It took a second for
him to calm down enough to look at Felix again, disgust and contempt clear in his eyes. “Come on
Felix.. Who could ever love you?”

At those words Felix’s heart shattered for good and the darkness engulfed Hyunjin just like it had
engulfed everything else before him, leaving Felix alone in the black abyss, forever. He closed his
eyes, tears running down his face, ready to accept his fate and disappear into the darkness too.

Suddenly Felix opened his eyes, feeling his body being shaken, his name being called. Tears were
still coating his cheeks, but he wasn’t standing in darkness like he remembered. He was laying on
the bed, the blanket entangled in his legs. The room was back to normal and Hyunjin was
crouching next to the bed, a worried expression stuck on his face, shaking Felix’s shoulder with
one of his hands.

A dream. It was all a very bad dream.

Felix had always been a light sleeper and would usually wake up every time Hyunjin entered the
room, no matter how late in the night it was and how careful Hyunjin was trying to be. But not this
time. It seemed no matter how hard Felix tried to run away from his insecurities and his fears, no
matter how much he bottled up his feelings, they still managed to haunt him during his sleep. So
much so that he was crying against the pillow while sleeping, the whole thing having too much of
an impact on him.

Under Hyunjin's worried gaze, Felix sighed, sitting up in the bed, using the back of his hands to
rub his sleep-filled eyes and wipe away the tears on his cheeks at the same time.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice raw from just waking up, acting like nothing happened
because he still wasn’t ready to admit his mental state to Hyunjin.

“3am..” Hyunjin muttered quickly, tilting his head, still looking as worried as when Felix first
opened his eyes. “ Are you okay?” he then asked, extending one of his hands to caress Felix’s
cheek, wiping a single tear that was still rolling down on his skin.
The simple contact of Hyunjin’s skin against his made him want to break down again, the words
he heard in his dream dancing in his mind. He really thought, for a second, that he had lost
Hyunjin, that everything the boy was saying was true. He didn’t feel like he was in a dream. But
now, with Hyunjin there, taking care of him, it did feel like a dream and that was what scared him
the most. Because he knew how easily he could go from one to the next, how quickly he could lose
that touch he loved so much. And more than that, he knew that what the Hyunjin in his dreams
thought, that he was unlovable, that Hyunjin would never be able to fall in love with him.. All that
was a real possibility. One that scared him more than anything else in the world. Because he had
never wanted to be loved by anyone as much as he wanted to gain Hyunjin’s love.

“Just a nightmare, I’m fine..” he smiled softly, not wanting him to worry anymore.

That frown on his pretty face made him sad, he prefered to see him smile. To know that smile was
for him and him alone. Because he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to enjoy seeing
that smile directed to him and he wanted to take advantage of it as much as he could now, in case
any time could be the last.

Hyunjin climbed on the bed, his little frown not disappearing like Felix wanted it to, and in an
instant his arms were around Felix, hugging him tightly against his chest, one hand stroking his
hair while the other caressed his back gently. It was very hard for Felix not to burst into tears once
again. He wrapped his arms around Hyunjin, grabbing the fabric on his shirt on his back with his
tiny fingers, burying his face in his neck, biting the inside of his cheeks not to give into his
emotions.

“It must have been pretty bad..” Hyunjin pointed out softly. “But you’re okay now..” he breathed,
stroking Felix’s back in a soothing motion, his voice calm, low and reassuring. “I’m sorry I wasn’t
here earlier..” he added weakly, pressing a kiss on the top of Felix’s head.

Felix hugged him more tightly, shaking his head in his neck. He didn’t want Hyunjin to feel guilty
for not spending time with him. He was busy, working like crazy for hours on end every single
day, just like the rest of them. Sometimes he was even working way too much, because of how
much he loved and cared for his art. He had nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t his fault Felix was
so clingy and it definitely wasn’t his fault Felix was filled to the brim with insecurities, his own
mind torturing him endlessly with thoughts of Hyunjin leaving him or getting bored of him.

“I said I would come home early but..” Hyunjin continued to apologize.

Felix leaned away from him, still shaking his head and lifted a hand to pat Hyunjin’s head with his
fingers, stroking his hair out of his face with a gentle smile.

“Don’t apologize..” he murmured. “You worked hard today, good job.” he added genuinely,
because he really was proud of how hardworking Hyunjin was, despite all the negative emotions
the distance between them due to said work incited in him.

Hyunjin stared at Felix for a second, barely blinking before deeply sighing, suddenly letting his
head fall, his forehead resting on Felix’s shoulder. Felix’s hand naturally came to caress his hair in
the back on his head gently.

“What did I do to deserve you..?” he asked in a whisper, almost like he was talking to himself.

Felix chuckled softly at the question but deep down he knew it was the other way around. Hyunjin
deserved the world. He deserved everything and then there’s some. It was Felix, who couldn’t
understand what he did to deserve Hyunjin, who couldn’t even imagine what a person as beautiful,
as sweet and compassionate, as perfect as him, could see in someone so inadequate and
unimportant as him.

“I’m tired..” he complained in a small voice, his whole body slumped, his forehead still on Felix’s
shoulder.

“You should go to sleep..” Felix softly advised but Hyunjin shook his head and even though Felix
couldn’t see him, he could very clearly picture the stubborn pout on his lips.

“I don’t want to..” he said childishly.

“What do you want then?” Felix asked with a little smile, his worries eased for just a minute
because he now felt like he was dealing with a little child and it was too cute for him to not feel his
heart melt instantly.

Hyunjin seemed to seriously think about this question, staying silent for a second before finally
raising his head from Felix’s shoulder to look at the other boy. His eyes were once more bloodshot
and he, indeed, looked very tired. It didn’t sit well with Felix to see him in that state and not force
him immediately to go to sleep, but he was selfish and wanted just a little bit more time with him,
so he didn’t say anything, simply waiting for Hyunjin to make his demands.

“Teach me something.” he simply said.

“Teach you?” Felix asked, raising an eyebrow, confused.

“In English. You said you’d teach me so.. Teach me.” Hyunjin shrugged with a little excited smile
at the idea, despite the tiredness clear in his eyes.

“At three in the morning..?”

Hyunjin simply looked at him with this little pout and his puppy eyes and Felix couldn’t resist. He
could never say no when it came to Hyunjin after all, not when he was looking at him this way, not
when he was so close to him, surrounding him with his scent that made Felix feel safe and calm for
the first time in hours. So he sighed, shaking his head with a little amused but resigned smile. He
moved on the mattress to lay his back against the pillow, and gave the mattress a little pat next to
him.

“Fine, come here..” he said to Hyunjin who didn’t wait long to oblige.

With a little smile, Hyunjin sat next to Felix, extending his long legs on the bed. Felix's arm came
instinctively to rest around Hyunjin’s shoulder just as Hyunjin's head fell down on Felix’s chest.
They were almost laying down completely, like they were ready to sleep and, in that position,
Felix felt like the roles were reversed for a bit, like he was the one taking care of Hyunjin for once.
With his hand, he started to absently play with the small strands of black hair falling in Hyunjin’s
neck while he rubbed his eyes with his free fingers. Hyunjin’s hand rested gently on Felix’s
stomach, his ear pressed against his chest like he was listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat.

“Okay, what do you want to know?” he asked gently.

“Something.. Anything..” Hyunjin vaguely answered, his voice already sounding like he was ready
to fall asleep at any moment. “How do you say ‘I miss you’?”

The question broke Felix’s heart a little bit. He missed Hyunjin, so badly. But it was something
else to hear Hyunjin say, in one way or another, that he missed him too, because he easily forgot it.
In his mind, he was the one pining and longing for some moments with Hyunjin when, in fact,
Hyunjin kept showing him that him too wanted, needed time with him. It eased his mind, just a
little bit, every time the other boy showed just how much he hated spending so much time apart.

“I miss you..” Felix said in English, is low voice echoing in the dark room.

“Why do you always sound so good..?” Hyunjin asked with a little chuckle, a pout on his lips. “If I
wasn’t so tired, I swear..” he started.

“Yeah, I know, I know..” Felix laughed softly, shaking his head, caressing Hyunjin’s hair gently.
The boy clearly was too exhausted for anything at this point.

“Teach me something else..” Hyunjin demanded after a few seconds of silence, yawning as soon as
the words were out of his mouth.

“How about I tell you a story instead?” Felix offered, knowing that despite the fact that he wanted
to spend time with Hyunjin, it was better for him to fall asleep as soon as possible. He felt Hyunjin
slowly nod his head against his chest. “Once Upon A Time..”

For a little while Felix simply told an old children’s story, in English, his low and quiet voice
filling the silence in the room, reverberating between the four walls with nothing to disturb it but
Hyunjin’s soft breathing against his chest. His hand was softly caressing the other boys’ hair,
passing strands through his small fingers with the softest touch. It didn’t take long for Felix to feel
Hyunjin’s body become heavier against him, his breathing slow and regular. He had fallen asleep
in a few minutes only, proof of how exhausted he was despite saying he didn’t want to go to sleep.
Felix knew he should’ve gone back to sleep for a few hours too, since he would have to wake up in
two or three hours to start his day. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so, spending his time
listening to Hyunjin’s quiet breathing, to the small words escaping his lips here and there, his hand
entangled in his soft locks.

It was so peaceful, so soothing for Felix to simply have the other boy asleep in his arm, so
defenceless with him, trusting him that way, that he didn’t even see the time fly by. Before he knew
it, 5:30am arrived and it was time for him to get up, remind Chan to get some sleep and start his
day. He wanted more than anything else to stay there, unmoving, to wrap himself around Hyunjin
and never let go. But the sad reality was that it was impossible and Felix was painfully aware of it.
So as carefully and softly as possible, he wiggled out from under Hyunjin, lowering his head gently
on the pillow before leaving the bed and, soon, the room, to go back to work.

The next day was more of the same, all of them working, preparing to drop a new song during the
week to come, practicing, recording.. Doing everything that needed to be done and barely getting
any rest, let alone some quality time with one another outside of work. Felix and Hyunjin barely
even managed to see each other’s face, to give each other a little smile here and there during the
day. And the day after too. And the one after that. And before Felix knew it, two whole weeks had
passed, three new songs had been added to their discography, they had filmed a complete MV that
had been uploaded only a few days earlier and was already blowing up online, multiple dance and
music covers had also been added to the channel and their number of subscribers seemed to have
skyrocketed just like they wanted it to. But the more time passed, the more conflicted Felix felt,
battling between feeling proud and overjoyed for their success and because of how happy making
music made him, and feeling sad, lonely, scared and anxious from how little time he had managed
to spend with Hyunjin in such a span of time.

They tried, every night, to have at least a few minutes together, Felix getting up earlier and
Hyunjin going to bed later. But it often ended up just being very brief each time, Felix teaching
Hyunjin a new word in English before the boy would fall asleep, exhausted, and Felix had to get
up to start his own day. So their intimacy had been at an all-time low this past few weeks, both too
tired and too busy to initiate anything and, not even having enough time alone together to hug each
other properly, let alone go further than that. And of course, it panicked Felix. There wasn’t a day
where he didn’t think about it, not a day where he wasn’t anxious, awaiting the moment Hyunjin
would tell him he had enough of him.

Today Felix was more anxious than ever. It had to do with Hyunjin, but not only. Because today
was the last day of their deadline, the day they were supposed to get the phone call announcing
them whether they would be granted a live performance or not. Everyone had been frantic all day
and now that they all stopped working and sat around in the living room, all present in the same
room for the first time in weeks, the stress was at its peak for everyone.

“It should ring any time now..” Chan said, staring at his phone on the table, anxiously shaking his
leg, hitting the ground with his foot.

“We’ve almost doubled our subscriber count, there’s no way we’re not getting it!” Jisung
exclaimed.

“Don’t jinx it!” Jeongin yelled at him, nudging him with his foot, looking stressed out and
exhausted.

Felix was sitting between Chan and Hyunjin, Hyunjin’s large hand pressed behind his back,
stroking it soothingly and that alone was helping Felix. But the level of anxiety he was feeling right
now was out of this world. They, indeed, had worked extremely hard for this and it meant a lot to
all of them, so obviously Felix wanted the answer to be positive. But on top of that, he was still
anxious about his whole relationship with Hyunjin. What if, now that things were going to slow
down for a little bit, he wouldn’t want to spend time with him? What if, as soon as they managed to
have some alone time, to be intimate, he decided he wasn’t interested anymore? They had spent so
much time apart lately that it was a possibility Felix couldn’t overlook, and it scared him. He
continuously had nightmares about this whole situation since that first night too, which didn’t help
to appease his mind. Felix was afraid because all he wanted, on his part, was to finally be able to
hold Hyunjin for more than a few minutes, to kiss him, to become one with him. Damn, he even
wanted to take him on a real, proper date.. And he hoped with all his heart that Hyunjin hadn’t
changed his mind about him because it would hurt more than anything else, more than not to get
the live performance, more than not to be able to make music anymore.

“Any time now..” Chan repeated again, like a mantra, staring at his phone like he could mentally
force the device to ring.

“Maybe he’s busy? Maybe he’ll call tomorrow?” Seungmin rationalized.

“He said he would be in touch at the end of the week. It’s the end of the week.” Changbin pointed
out, more nervous than Felix had ever seen him but still trying to play it cool.

“It’s getting late though..” Minho announced and he was a stone faced as ever, but Felix knew him
well enough now to see the apprehension in his eyes.

“Maybe it’s..” Chan started.

But he cut himself short, all of them suddenly holding their breath. Because, on the table, the
phone started to ring.
 Bend Over
Chapter Notes

I am SO sorry for how long it took me to come back with this chapter. I'm sure most of
you know everything that has been going on with the boys and especially Hyunjin
lately. I have to admit this has all hit me harder than expected and between that, real-
life and my work, I have been very overwhelmed, busy and wasn't in the right state of
mind to write. I would totally understand if some people decided to drop the story
because of my lack of update but for those of you who are back to read one new
chapter: I hope you like it, and thank you~ ♥

“Yes. Yes I understand.” Chan was nodding, talking to the person on the other side of the phone.

Everyone was staring at him, probably trying to decrypt his expression like Felix was, in order to
know if the news was good or not. But Chan was in his professional-mode and showed absolutely
nothing as he was speaking to the promoter, only his side of the conversation heard by the others.

“Of course, yes. Thank you sir.” Chan nodded once more. “Have a good night.” he finished before
hanging up the phone and looking up at all his expectant kids.

He said nothing for a few beats, his face still unreadable. The tension in the room was palpable,
everyone on their toes, dying to know what their fate was going to be, if their hard work during this
whole time had been for nothing. They were barely containing their excitement and their stress,
some of them bouncing slightly on the couch, others tapping their foot nervously on the ground.
And with each second that passed, they were getting more anxious and more frustrated with Chan’s
silence. Felix, attacking his lower lip nervously with his teeth, was trying to breath slowly,
Hyunjin’s large hand on his back the only thing remotely calming him down.

“So?!” Jisung almost yelled after one second too long.

“Well, the promoter said…” Chan said slowly, softly, building up suspense as if everybody wasn’t
nervous enough about the whole thing already.

“Spit it out!” Minho exclaimed, more scared than annoyed at this point, which was out of character
for him. But then again, they were all feeling the pressure like he did.

“We got the stage!” Chan suddenly exclaimed after one more second of silence, the biggest,
brightest smile lightening his face.

The room fell completely silent for a second after his announcement, like everybody was trying to
process what was said and couldn’t believe that the news was real. It could’ve been awkward if
they weren’t all in the same state, looking at Chan and then at each other to gauge if they had
heard their Leader right or if they had dreamt his words, too tired and nervous to be in sync with
reality.

“We.. did it?” Jeongin asked, the first noise in the room.

“We did it!” Chan nodded, still beaming with pure joy and pride.
And only then, when their Leader confirmed it for the second time, did it sink in, not only for
Felix, but for everyone. In a matter of seconds they were all up from the couch, yelling, laughing
and hugging one another, some of them tearing up and other jumping in place. A beautiful chaos
that seemed so perfect in this place, like it was exactly the way things should be between them all.

After all the hardship and the emotional distress Felix had been under these past few weeks, he had
a very hard time keeping his emotions in check, his eyes watering while he was enjoying the
warmth of everyone’s embrace, jumping from arms to arms to get a hug from everyone but
ultimately ending up between Hyunjin’s long arms without even realizing it. Everyone else around
them was still going crazy, shouting and cheering, laughing and jumping around. But as soon as
Felix’s face buried itself in Hyunjin’s chest, the other holding him tightly against him, his scent
dancing all around him, it was like time stopped for Felix. It was crazy to him how much effect
this man still had over him despite the time passing. Maybe it was just because of how distant they
had been these past weeks, but Felix hoped that even in the future, his feelings for Hyunjin would
still feel as powerful as the first day they met. He knew that, for him, it would probably be the
case. He was in too deep at this point to ever back away, no matter his insecurities. And he was too
happy right now, too content, to wonder if Hyunjin was feeling the same, just choosing to enjoy
this embrace to its fullest for once. He deserved it.

The rest of the evening after that was just one big party. Chan had explained that the show would
be in a month and knowing that they still had a lot of work to do to get ready to be on stage, they
didn’t go too hard on alcohol. And remembering what happened the last time, Felix himself was
pretty careful with his consumption. But still they all had fun with one another. The only thing
Felix regretted was that he wished he could celebrate by staying in Hyunjin’s arms all evening and,
being with the others, of course he couldn’t do that. He sat on the floor next to the coffee table
while Hyunjin was sitting at the far end of the couch next to Jeongin most of the time. They
interacted as much as others did, joking around and laughing, but no physical contact was there
between the two and it was slowly but surely driving Felix crazy all evening. He kept eyeing up
Hyunjin when the other boy was busy talking to someone else, licking his lips while looking at his
gorgeous face, at his long fingers sliding in his dark hair, at the way his body leaned against the
back of the couch, his head thrown back as he laughed. And more often than not, Felix would lose
himself in thoughts, staring at his lover for too long before being reminded of where he was when
one of his bandmates would ask him a question or throw a joke in his direction.

The party was still well underway, everyone laughing loudly, when Felix decided he was cold and
made his way upstairs to grab a hoodie in his room. The only other person missing downstairs was
Hyunjin, who went to the bathroom only a minute before. To say he hadn’t wished for a quick
embrace in the corridor before going back down to the others would have been a lie, but Felix
knew he probably wouldn’t run into the other boy, who would probably be back downstairs before
Felix himself even left their room. Keeping that in mind, he opened the door and was more than
surprised when he got immediately pulled into the room before he could even react.

“There you are..” Hyunjin whispered, pulling Felix to him and immediately burying his face in his
neck, his hands firmly finding their place on Felix’s small hips. “Just in time..” he groaned against
the skin of Felix's neck, his hands slowly sliding down to grope his butt instead, possessively.

“Hyunnie, what..” Felix started, surprised by the whole scene.

First of all, he thought Hyunjin was in the bathroom and didn’t understand what he meant by “just
in time”. And he also wanted to tell Hyunjin they couldn’t do whatever he had in mind now, when
the boys were all downstairs, probably waiting for the both of them to come back. Still he closed
his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Hyunjin’s lips on his skin, the firm grip of his hands on his ass,
feeling himself getting aroused slightly just by that combination of things.

“I can’t take it anymore..” Hyunjin groaned, cutting Felix off, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin of
Felix’s neck, an appreciative sigh escaping the other boy’s lips as a shiver ran down his spine, his
tiny hands grabbing the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt instinctively. “You look so fucking good today
baby..” he continued, kissing his way up in Felix’s neck. “Just looking at you all evening made me
hard as fuck.” he groaned, grabbing Felix’s ass tighter, pressing his body firmly against Felix’s,
who finally felt Hyunjin’s hardness press against his stomach. “I came up here to quickly get rid of
my little problem but.. Since you’re here, I have a better idea.” he sensually whispered, kissing
along Felix’s jaw.

“Hyunjin..” Felix tried to talk again, only to be stopped by Hyunjin’s lips crashing against his this
time around.

“Shhh baby..” he whispered against his mouth before parting his lips, asking entrance into Felix’s
mouth.

Before he could even control it, Felix softly moaned against Hyunjin’s lips. He hadn’t kissed him
since the night before and had been craving it all day. He was craving it everyday since they had so
little time to spend together. Pleased with Felix's response, Hyunjin slid one of his hands up to
tangle his fingers in his pink strands, his other palm still possessively grabbing his ass. When
Hyunjin tugged on his hair, tilting his head back, Felix let himself go, offering better access to
Hyunjin’s tongue to dance with his own, another tiny moan escaping him as Hyunjin’s grip on his
hair tightened, his boner rubbing against Felix’s stomach.

When finally, after a few seconds, Hyunjin broke the kiss, Felix didn’t even get time to protest and
already Hyunjin was flipping him over suddenly. Before he knew it, Hyunjin was pressisng himself
against Felix’s back, his long arms around him, his lips brushing the sensitive skin of his neck once
more. One of his hands rested firmly on his hip but the other one was already unbuttoning his pants
without hesitation. Hyunjin’s fingers were graceful and swift and they made quick work of the
simple button. Felix’s eyes were following those long, beautiful fingers. He was too entranced to
talk, too needy to stop the other boy. All he could do was watch as, as swiftly as before, Hyunjin’s
fingers moved and disappeared under the fabric of Felix’s pants and underwear.

Felix couldn’t help but gasp when Hyunjin’s hand finally wrapped itself around his cock for the
first time in weeks. He was hard, painfully so, already. He hadn’t touched himself once since the
last time Hyunjin had pleased him, no matter how badly he wanted or needed it. Hyunjin had told
him he was the only one allowed to touch him and so Felix obediently listened. But because of
that, he was hard almost every night when the boy was sleeping in his arms, and he was painfully
in need of release.

“Hyunjin..” he breathed, letting himself melt against Hyunjin chest, his head falling back against
his shoulder, his eyes already closed and his lips parted.

Hyunjin gave his dick only one slow stroke and Felix moaned, already ready to explode in his
hand. Trying to move his hips to create friction with Hyunjin's hand, Felix was also unconsciously
rubbinh his ass against Hyunjin hardness, the other boy biting his lip, his eyes dark with desire
behind him.

“Look at you, already hard for me..” Hyunjin groaned, pleased.

Suddenly he bit Felix’s neck, his hand tightening around his cock, giving him one more stroke.
Felix knew the bite would leave a mark and it slightly hurt but it was a delicious, exactly how he
loved it. More than that, he adored the idea of Hyunjin finally marking him, branding him as his.
He didn’t care how weird it would look to the others that Felix came back with a bite mark, all he
cared about right now was the need to be marked by Hyunjin, over and over again. He moaned a
little louder, already panting, hardly able to contain himself from cumming in his pants and in
Hyunjin’s hand so quickly.

“Please.. I’m..so close..” he breathed, rubbing himself against Hyunjin to get the friction he
wanted.

But his words didn’t have the wanted effect. Quite the opposite actually since hearing him,
Hyunjin promptly let go of his hardness, taking his hand away from Felix’s boxers. Felix
immediately whimpered in need at the loss of that contact he so desperately wanted and needed.

“You’re not cumming yet.” Hyunjin announced firmly.

“.. Why?” Felix plaintively asked, his voice small and needy, his breathing still too fast.

Hyunjin kissed his way up Felix’s neck, taking his sweet sweet time to answer. When finally his
lips got to Felix’s ear, he teased his lobe with his tongue and his teeth before finally opening his
mouth, his lips pressed against his ear. All the while his hand was caressing the length of Felix’s
arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“Because tonight I want to fuck you.” he whispered in a raw, low tone. “If you don’t want that, say
it now..” he groaned, still giving Felix the opportunity to say no despite how clear it was that
Hyunjin himself wanted that badly.

Felix didn’t say anything, too stunned by the idea of finally getting what he wanted all along.
Despite the time passing, the two of them had barely been intimate at all, and the few times they
had been, they never went all the way, either because they were interrupted or because Hyunjin
wanted them to take their time, wanted to respect Felix. And during this whole time, Felix had
wanted nothing more than for Hyunjin to take him, make his body fully his, to be one with him for
a few moments. Hyunjin must have understood Felix’s silence as a positive answer because he
chuckled lowly against his ear.

“Good boy.” he praised, his voice hoarse, as his fingers wrapped themselves around Felix’s throat.
He wasn’t choking him, wasn’t even putting any pressure, his fingers simply laid there, like a way
to keep him in place while showing his possessiveness. But the simple placement of his hand
around his throat aroused Felix even more and he softly whimpered. “You’re gonna cum with my
cock buried deep inside you this time..” Hyunjin said, his lips pressed against Felix’s ear, his voice
only a deep whisper.

“Yes, please..” Felix moaned with a tiny nod.

Hyunjin groaned at that, his fingers ever so slightly tightening around his throat imperceptibly,
pleased and excited from Felix begging to be fucked. But soon - too soon in Felix’s opinion -
Hyunjin’s fingers left Felix’s throat, both of his hands quickly grabbing the edge of Felix’s pants to
pull them, and his underwear, down in one swift motion, Felix stepping out of them and discarding
them on the floor as Hyunjin promptly led him a few steps to the right, towards one of the two
desks in the room.

“Bend over.” Hyunjin firmly commanded.

Felix had never been happier to oblige, bending over the desk, his torso pressed against the cold
wood, his naked ass up and at Hyunjin’s mercy. Hyunjin softly moaned behind Felix as his hand
ran on one of Felix’s ass cheeks. Even though Felix couldn’t see him, he could feel the other boy
admiring him in this new position. His hands moved, getting closer and closer to his opening until
his thumb pressed against it, getting a new moan out of Felix who hadn’t felt anyone touch him
there in a very long time.

“Such a pretty view..” Hyunjin murmured, circling Felix asshole with his thumb before slapping
his ass with the palm of his hand, softly, barely creating any noise.

Still Felix moaned at the gesture and Hyunjin, picking up on the fact that Felix liked that, smirked
behind him, raising his hand once more and dropping it against Felix’s ass, more firmly this time,
making Felix moan louder as he started to feel his skin tingle and heat up, knowing that it was
probably turning a pretty shade of pink under Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin carressed the spot he just
spanked, soothing Felix’s skin, swearing under his breath. Apparently it had turned him on as
much as it did Felix which pleased the smaller boy. Quickly Hyunjin’s hand disappeared from
Felix’s ass and soon enough Hyunjin leaned over Felix, placing his fingers against his mouth
instead.

“Suck.” Hyunjin ordered.

Felix eagerly opened his mouth, taking two of Hyunjin’s long fingers in, twirling his tongue around
them, sucking them avidly, like it was Hyunjin’s cock in his mouth and not his fingers. There was
no mistaking how hungry Felix was by looking at the way he was bobbing his head, his mouth
going up and down Hyunjin’s long fingers with his eyes half closed. Hyunjin was watching him
work, his lips parted, his breathing shallow. After a few seconds though, he remembered to take his
hand away, doing so reluctantly and moving his hand back on Felix’s ass, his two wet fingers now
caressing his entrance, coating it with Felix’s saliva, using it like a natural lubricant.

After a few seconds of Hyunjin simply rubbing his fingers against his asshole, Felix was panting
and he gasped when, suddenly, he felt the tip of Hyunjin’s index finger press against his opening,
slowly sliding inside. Hyunjin was very slow and gentle, pushing only one finger inside inch by
inch, scared to hurt Felix. But it wasn’t Felix’s first time and his hole was eating Hyunjin’s finger
up hungrily, his body already begging for more as tiny whimpers escaped him.

“Does it feel good baby?” Hyunjin asked, probably making sure Felix was okay before going
further.

As always, Felix was touched by how gentle Hyunjin could be, but he had waited for this moment
for far too long and he needed a release way too much to waste time with niceties. He wanted more,
he needed more and, this time around, he didn’t wait to tell Hyunjin as much.

“More.. Please..” he begged, arching his back, his face and chest pressed against the wood of the
desk.

“Fuck..” Hyunjin swore under his breath, turned on more than ever by Felix’s behavior. He pressed
his second finger against his entrance, sliding it inside a little quicker than the first one. “You take
my fingers so well..” he groaned, moving his fingers inside Felix, going in and out, making a
scissoring motion to stretch him out. Soon a third finger joined the others, Felix panting and
moaning with each motion, his back arched. “Do you want my cock inside you baby?”

Felix nodded with a whimper, drool already forming in his mouth from what Hyunjin was doing to
him with his fingers but eager to feel him, in all his glory, filling and stretching his asshole
deliciously. When Hyunjin took his fingers out, Felix suddenly felt very empty, but he could hear
Hyunjin’s zipper going down as he took his dick out of his pants, stroking himself behind Felix
while looking at him, sprawled on the desk, bent over just for him. One second of anticipation
more and Felix could finally feel the tip of Hyunjin’s hard cock against his entrance. Hyunjin was
teasing him, rubbing his precum around his opening, stroking himself, unmoving when all Felix
wanted was for him to slide inside him quickly. Needy, nearly losing his mind, Felix was
whimpering Hyunjin’s name over and over again under his breath, praying for him to take him
once and for all.

“I won’t be able to be gentle if you keep moaning like that..” Hyunjin breathed through his teeth,
stroking himself against Felix’s hole with one hand, the other caressing Felix’s ass.

As if on cue, or maybe it was to provoke him, Felix moaned again, looking at Hyunjin from the
corner of his eye, over his shoulder. As a response, Hyunjin slapped his hand against Felix’s ass,
pressing himself against his entrance and finally slipping his tip inside. True to his word, he didn’t
slide inside slowly and gently like he did with his fingers. He took a second to wait for Felix’s hole
to adjust to his tip and once he felt Felix stretch around him, he buried himself inside in once
powerful thrust, his whole length disappearing in Felix’s asshole with a loud moan, almost a
scream escaping from the other boys’ lips.

Hyunjin’s cock was big and long. And it felt even bigger now that it was buried inside Felix, his tip
creating a bulge in Felix’s stomach, pushing inside him and stretching him to the maximum,
deliciously, making Felix’s head spin. For a moment, Hyunjin didn’t move, enjoying the feeling of
Felix clenching around him, his dick pulsing inside him, filling him fully. One hand rested on
Felix’s hip while the other caressed his back, sliding up until Hyunjin could entangle his fingers in
the pink strands, tugging on them firmly to force Felix to arch his back more. He leaned forward,
still unmoving inside Felix, to press his lips against the smaller, panting boy’s ear.

“You’re so tight baby.” he whispered, kissing Felix’s ear. “Nobody can fill you up like I do..
You’re mine.” he then groaned possessively, tugging on Felix’s hair harder. When Felix didn’t
answer, simply moaning from the feel of being finally filled with Hyunjin, a primal need to own
him completely took over Hyunjin. “Say it!” he ordered firmly.

At those words, he pulled himself almost all the way out of Felix’s hole, impaling himself back
inside with his whole length, his tip slamming deep inside Felix, making him cry out in pure
pleasure once more while Hyunjin was still furiously tugging on his hair, waiting for an answer,
panting through his gritted teeth, him too feeling pleasure already building inside him.

“I’m yours..” Felix whimpered between two shallow breaths.

“Say it again.” Hyunjin commanded, slowly pulling out most of cock once more.

“I’m yours Hyunnie.” Felix obeyed.

And as a reward, Hyunjin slammed inside him again, no hint of gentleness in his sudden, intense
thrust, just primal need to possess Felix, to own him and make him his, to please him like he had
never been pleased before, making him cry out his name in pure delight.

“Yes you are. Fucking mine..” Hyunjin grunted, now moving quickly inside Felix, each thrust
hitting the other boy in just the right spot, making him moan over and over again.

Both his hands were now on his small hips, maintaining him there while plowing into him with
erratic breaths. Felix was pressed against the desk once again, any coherent thought left from his
head. He was slightly drooling, his eyes rolled back in his skull, his eyes half closed, panting and
moaning, completely disheveled under Hyunjin’s unrelenting assault. Each violent thrust was
bringing him closer and closer to release, making him dizzy with pleasure. He didn’t know if he
was loud and he didn’t care, all that mattered here and now was the way Hyunjin and him were
linked, the way they were finally one and the same. Nothing could make Felix happier in this
second, all his worries and insecurities fading away, drowned out by the sheer pleasure he was
feeling each time Hyunjin cock slammed deep inside him, hitting that perfect spot that made him
moan and whimper.

Still pumping inside him frenetically, Hyunjin reached out around Felix, grabbing his hard cock in
his hand, stroking him in rhythm with each of his thrusts. Felix thought it was impossible to feel
even more pleasure, and he was wrong. With Hyunjin buried inside him and stroking him at the
same time, he didn’t know how to think properly anymore and was getting closer and closer to a
release. He was trying hard not to cum, but it was just too much for him and after one deep thrust
from Hyunjin, one more motion of his tight fist around his hard dick, Felix clenched around his
cock, exploding in his hand and all over the desk with one long moan, Hyunjin name on his lips.

His orgasm was so powerful that it left him dizzy, but still he felt it when Hyunjin pulled out of
him, taking a step back.

“Don’t stop!” he exclaimed, the simple loss of this connexion almost bringing him to tears as he
turned around to face Hyunjin, reaching for him.

Maybe it was stupid and foolish, but after waiting for so long, after being so scared and insecure
and lonely this past few weeks, he didn’t want their first time to end so quickly, he didn’t want for
their connexion to stop just yet. He wanted it to last, he wanted to feel that Hyunjin was his and
that he was Hyunjin’s, that they were two pieces of the same whole and see how perfectly they
were fitting inside one another. And Hyunjin hadn’t finished. Felix didn’t want their first time to be
pleasurable only for him, he needed Hyunjin to take as much pleasure in it as he was, and wouldn’t
be satisfied as long as his lover hadn’t had an orgasm too. He looked up at Hyunjin with imploring
eyes, not caring in the slightest about how pathetic he might look or sound, begging for more sex
from him even though he just came all over the desk already.

“I wasn’t planning to” Hyunjin softly smiled, reassuring Felix instantly by grabbing his hand,
gently leading him to the bed, a complete change from his demeanor just a second ago when he
was brutally pounding inside Felix. “Come here baby.. I’m not done with you..” he said, pulling
Felix on the bed, making him lay on his back.

Felix obeyed of course and, instinctively, once he was laying down, he spread his legs to welcome
Hyunjin’s body between them, wanting him close, wanting him inside him again, his tired member
laying on his stomach. With a chuckle, Hyunjin did, indeed, positioned himself between Felix’s
thighs, holding himself up with one hand, while directing his hardness with the other, pressing it
against Felix’s hole and sliding easily inside, slowly pushing his cock in inch by inch with way
more control than before. With his free hand, the one pressed on the mattress, he grabbed Felix’s
hand, interlacing their fingers together against the pillow. He was watching Felix intently, keeping
eye contact with him during his slow movement inside him, softly panting and groaning once his
tip reached the deepest part of Felix. Felix arched his back ever so slightly, welcoming him back
deep inside him with a low, long moan, almost a sigh of relief from having that connexion restored.

Hyunjin stayed there for a second, unmoving, simply looking at Felix while being buried inside
him. He was calmer now, more serene after being able to show Felix he was his in the best way
possible. Slowly, after a few seconds, he started to move his hips, making Felix feel another kind
of pleasure, less primal and more sensual, gentle, but still as perfect to him. Both of their shallow
breaths, both of their moans echoed in unison in the room and not once did they break eye contact,
the connection between them even clearer, even stronger that way. With his free hand, Felix
reached for Hyunjin, his fingers finding their way to the nape of his neck, playing with the tiny
strands there as he pulled the other boy to him. Hyunjin leaned back and soon enough their lips
touched, in the softest, most gentle kiss, Hyunjin never stopped his movements inside Felix as his
tongue danced with his sensually, Felix softly moaning in his mouth every so often.

Felix didn’t know when exactly, but he had wrapped his legs around Hyunjin’s hips while the
other boy was going in and out of him in perfect rhythm, their lips interlocked. Arching his back in
this position, he could feel him even deeper, making each slow thrust more delicious than the last.
The way Hyunjin was panting against Felix’s mouth, grunting, his body tensing, Felix knew
Hyunjin could feel it too. He knew he was close to coming undone and Felix wanted nothing more
than for it to happen.

“Baby..” Hyunjin grunted against Felix’s mouth. “I’m.. I’m close.. I should.. stop..” he struggled to
say, kissing him between each word, panting softly.

Clearly the idea of stopping displeased him as much as it displeased Felix. Felix understood what
he meant by it though. He didn’t want to force Felix to take his cum inside, which some people
didn’t like. But Felix refused to let it end this way. He wouldn’t feel complete if Hyunjin didn’t
cum the way he was supposed to. And it would be lying to himself to say that the idea of being
filled up by Hyunjin’s cum wasn’t a huge turn on for him anyways.

“Don’t..” Felix said, pressing his lips firmly against his for a second before leaning away against
the pillow, looking up at Hyunjin who was offering him a surprised and questioning look. “Cum
inside me.. please..” he almost begged.

“Fuck..” Hyunjin swore between his teeth, his lips crashing down on Felix’s once more, more
hungrily and avidly, his thrusts becoming quicker. “You’re fucking perfect..” he whispered against
his lips, Felix moans and his mixing between them as he started to pump inside his hole again,
giving his all one last time as the release was drawing near.

Felix fingers lost themselves in Hyunjin’s long black hair, tugging on his strands softly, arching his
back, his legs firmly wrapped around Hyunjin as he moaned his name over and over again until he
felt the other boy tense in his arms, a primal grunt escaping his lips and hot cum pouring inside
him, making him feel whole and complete. Hyunjin didn’t move for a long moment, his head
buried in Felix’s neck, breathing hard, Felix’s ass stretched and completely full from Hyunjin’s
dick and his cum. When he finally moved and pulled out, Felix winced. Hyunjin looked at him
with a little bit of worry, making sure he was okay and Felix offered him a smile in return, feeling
more than okay, feeling at peace and happy for the first time in the last few weeks. Feeling
complete.

After that the two of them quickly cleaned themselves, and the mess they made on the desk, up in
silence. Putting some clothes back on and throwing their used tissues in the small bin between the
two desks. Felix was thinking about the fact that they had been gone from downstairs way too long
and probably needed to go back to avoid further questioning from the others. But Hyunjin had
other plans and as soon as they were cleaned up, he pulled Felix back onto the bed, laying down
next to him and clinging onto him, his nose buried in his neck, kissing his shoulder, his fingers
slowly and softly tracing invisible patterns on the naked skin of his arm. Felix couldn’t say no to
that sort of cuddling, his hunger for physical contact and for Hyunjin never satiated even after their
love making.

Already Felix could feel his eyelids getting heavy under Hyunjin’s touch, pressed against his
warmth, tired from the sex, the hard few weeks, the partying and all the rest. He closed his eyes,
already accepting the fact that he wasn’t going back downstairs and would, instead, fall asleep in
Hyunjin’s arms in a few seconds. But Hyunjin’s voice brought him back to reality gently.

“Felix..?” Hyunjin asked in a murmur.

“Hmm?” Felix answered, sleepily, opening his eyes to see that Hyunjin had lifted his head and was
now looking at him, seriously and with so much tenderness it made Felix’s heart skip a beat.

Hyunjin brought his hand up, caressing Felix’s cheek, pushing a few pink strands from his face,
watching every inch of him lovingly instead of saying whatever was on his mind, with the softest
smile on his lips. When his eyes finally met Felix’s again was when he decided to speak once
more.

“I love you.”

At those words, Felix’s heart didn’t skip a beat this time. It felt like it stopped altogether, just like
his mind did. He never thought he would hear those words, spoken to him, coming from anyone
else than Chan. Worse, he never imagined he would believe it, coming from someone else. ‘I love
you’ was a complicated thing to hear for Felix, it was even harder to believe. And yet.. Looking
into Hyunjin’s eyes, seeing the tenderness, the unaltered eaderment in his look, Felix did believe it.
But if anything was harder for Felix than to believe the words ‘I love you’, it was to say them.

He opened his mouth once, twice, three times, nothing coming out of it. He knew he felt the same
way towards Hyunjin. He knew nobody would ever compare to him, nobody could make him feel
like Hyunjin did. And more than that, he knew damn well he never wanted to lose him and was
ready to spend his life with him if the other boy allowed him to. Still, the words didn’t want to
come out of his mouth. Because speaking them into reality was making it a cold hard truth. One
that couldn’t be taken back. One that could be used to hurt him. One that could shatter his heart
beyond repair one day. And so, even despite how much and how deeply and completely he loved
Hyunjin, he was terrified to say it and felt atrociously guilty that the words couldn’t escape his lips
in response.

“I..” he tried.

But Hyunjin simply smiled gently, caressing his cheek once more before cupping his face with his
hand, leaning down to brush his lips against Felix’s, just a soft, quick kiss before pulling away.
There was no hurt, no regret or sadness on Hyunjin’s face despite Felix’s lack of answer.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back right away..” he said genuinely.

And those words were proof enough for Felix that he was madly and irrevocably in love with this
man. This man who understood him better than anyone else, without him even having to explain
the situation. This man who could make him feel alive, and happy and loved when even his own
family hadn’t been able to. This man who crashed into his life randomly and was now etched into
his soul, like the other part of him, forever.

So Felix brought Hyunjin closer once again, pressing his lips against his, showing him his love
instead of speaking the words, trying to pour all of his feelings into that kiss. And when Hyunjin
pulled away, brightly smiling, Felix knew he understood, to some extent, the message he was
trying to convey. Hyunjin kissed his forehead and slowly, as if their bodies knew exactly how to
adjust to one another, they both fell into place silently, Felix's head resting on Hyunjin’s chest,
listening to the music of his heart, the rhythmic beating against his chest, while Hyunjin’s arm
wrapped itself around him, surrounding him with his warmth and his reassuring scent, making him
feel safe, cozy. Making him feel like he perfectly belonged, like he had never belonged anywhere
else before.

Slowly Felix closed his eyes and as he inevitably drifted off into sleep, the only thought in his
mind was how lucky he was to have found not only his best friend back, but a new family, a real
family, a way to live from his passion, and love, all under the same roof. He was so incredibly
grateful to have made that rash decision a few weeks ago to jump on a plane and leave his old life
behind, not knowing what would await him on the other side of the world. His life since then, had
been perfect. Every single day since he stepped into this house had been a dream come true. And
that day, out of all of them, was, without a doubt, the best of his life.

Wrapped up in Hyunjin’s arms, Felix should’ve realized that things were too good to be true. He
should’ve known better than anyone else that life wasn’t fair and because of that, he should’ve seen
the events that were about to unfold coming. But he didn’t and, blissfully ignorant, he drifted off
into a peaceful sleep, listening to Hyunjin’s heart beating just for him.
 For the Last Time
Chapter Notes

I'm so so SO sorry for how long it took, I've been extremely busy and overwhelmed
with everything and, not going to lie, the turn the events in the story are taking from
this chapter forward are making it hard for me to write without getting really
emotional. I promise, this is not the end of INos, I promise I will start updating more
frequently again, and I hope that you are all still with me, still along for the ride
despite how long it took for this update.. But if you were tired of waiting and decided
to leave this story behind, I will understand as well ♥

Felix was usually always the first one waking up in the morning. The first one in the kitchen, fixing
coffee for those who would come after him. The first one to get dressed. The first one to go down
to the recording studio or out of the house to the dance studio. Today though, Felix didn’t want to
wake up. A few times, in the morning, he came to, hearing footsteps in the corridor when
Seungmin got up, followed by Minho and Jisung probably, like it was often the case. Then came
Chan’s footsteps, Changbin’s and Jeongin’s. Each time though, he fell back asleep in the warmth of
Hyunjin’s arms. Until it was time for him, too, to get up.

Hyunjin was always the last one to get up and Felix never imagined he would lay around in bed
long enough for Hyunjin to actually wake up and get up before him. Maybe it was because he had
overworked himself for weeks, maybe it was because of the amazing sex they had the night before,
maybe it was the fact of finally being free from that emotional burden he had carried for so long
now that Hyunjin had told him the “L” word. Felix wasn’t sure, but he was totally incapable of
opening his eyes and staying awake for more than a few minutes at a time, he was completely and
utterly exhausted.

He was awake enough though, to feel Hyunjin move behind him. He must have quickly realized
that Felix was still in bed with him because his arms held him tighter as he buried his nose in
Felix’s neck, his lips pressed against his skin. Felix could feel his smile. After all, Hyunjin had
been pretty vocal about wanting to be able to wake up with Felix but it had almost never been
possible until now.

“Mornin’..” Felix grumbled in his pillow, his voice heavy with sleep, his eyes still shut.

“Good morning..” Hyunjin smiled against Felix’s neck, pressing a soft kiss on his skin, snuggling
him from behind. “You’re not up?”

“Tired..” he managed to mumble, feeling sleep already pulling him back under.

Hyunjin chuckled, pressing another kiss on the nape of Felix’s neck, his arms wrapped tightly
around him. Felix had never felt so safe, so comfortable anywhere else. He knew his place was
exactly right where he was at this second, between Hyunjin’s arms, and nowhere else.

“That’s okay baby, stay in bed for once.” Hyunjin softly said, caressing Felix’s naked arm with the
tip of his long fingers, kissing his shoulder.

It took Felix all the strength he had, but he turned around on the mattress, facing Hyunjin instead of
having his back to him, only to bury his face against his chest, snuggling closer to him, to soak in
all the warmth the other boy had to offer, softly rubbing the tip of his nose against the fabric of
Hyunjin’s shirt, inhaling his comforting scent with his eyes blissfully shut.

“With you?” he asked with a little pout against Hyunjin’s chest.

A content sigh escaped Hyunjin’s lips as Felix’s small body pressed itself against him, fitting
perfectly in his arms, disappearing under the cover. One of his hand started to stroke his back
gently as he brushed the top of the pink head with his lips, the softest, most loving smile plastered
on his face.

“I really want to..” Hyunjin pouted, tightening his grip around Felix even more, his chin resting on
the top of his head, closing his eyes to enjoy the embrace. “But I told Minho I would join them in
the studio today..” he paused, absently stroking Felix’s tiny pink strands falling on the nape of his
neck. “You know how he gets..” he chuckled.

A low “hmmm” was the only sound that Felix could produce, feeling himself drifting closer and
closer to sleep, soothed by Hyunjin’s presence, by his gentle touch, his melodious voice and the
slow, rhythmic beating of his heart against him.

“... get some rest, angel.” Felix vaguely heard Hyunjin saying, already sounding so far away as
sleep claimed him once more.

The last thing he remembered was feeling the cold air hitting him as Hyunjin’s body moved away
from his, the other boy getting out of their shared bed to start his day. Normally Felix would’ve
been disappointed, wanting to hold his lover close and sleep in his arms longer, but he was already
back in Morpheus arms before he could process the fact that Hyunjin wasn’t in bed anymore.

When Felix finally awoke, it wasn’t because he wanted to. Weirdly, despite the extra sleep he
already got, he wouldn’t have been mad to stay in bed a while longer. Clearly he had exhausted his
body way more than he thought he did in the past few weeks and Hyunjin’s love making hadn’t
helped his case. But someone had been furiously ringing the doorbell for three minutes straight,
not only waking Felix up but, once he realized nobody was opening the door, forced him to
actually stay awake and get out of bed to take care of it himself.

As he left the warmth of his bed, dragging himself to the door, and then to the staircase, he cursed
his bandmates mentally. Since nobody had opened the door, it was easy to guess they were all out.
So either one of them forgot their key or simply wanted to annoy Felix by spamming the doorbell,
probably Jisung or Changbin, or it was yet another parcel that needed to be signed for, courtesy of
Jeongin, who was always ordering so many things online that Felix was scared to even imagine
what his and Changbin’s room looked like with all his seemingly random junk crammed in one
space.

Keeping that in mind, he finally reached the door, sighing at the constant ringing assaulting his
ears when he was still barely awake. He opened the door, scratching the back of his head with his
free hand, yawning. He barely had time to register anything that a small figure pushed him aside,
storming inside the entrance before planting itself straight in front of him, hands on hips with an
angry pour he knew all too well. But it wasn’t possible. What he was seeing, who he was seeing.. It
had to be a dream. More like, it had to be a nightmare.

Because his father was still at the door, arms crossed, positively angry and his mother was staring
up at him from inside the entrance, taping her foot against the ground.
He stared at them in silence for a second, looking back and forth, his mouth opening and closing
like a fish out of water. How did they know where he was, how did they find him and more
importantly, why were they there? They had been the ones throwing him out after he announced he
was dropping out of law school and those had not been joyful, peaceful goodbyes. He was grateful
for his parents, for raising him and giving him a chance in life, unlike some other parents, but he
knew them all too well. He knew that wherever they went, whatever they did, if it was impacting
his own life, it was always very bad news. And the simple thought of it was making his skin crawl;
They were standing there, in his home, his safe haven, the only place he felt finally truly at peace
in and the only place he felt like he belonged to. They were here and they were getting ready to
tarnish and ruin it all. He didn’t have to wait for them to open their mouths to know that, because
that was what they always did with him, wasn’t it?

“What are you gawking at? Are you going to say hello to your mother, or did you leave your good
manners when you fled the house too?” Felix’s mom suddenly asked, and he heard his dad click
his tongue in disapproval behind him.

“Mother..” he said, blinking a few times, still dumbfounded. “What.. are you doing here?”

His anxiety was already spiking. He felt dizzy, he wanted to run away like a little boy and hide in
his room, pretending that none of this was happening, that those people weren’t there. It could’ve
been a simple visit, even though it was strange and unexpected, especially since he never told them
where he went to start off with. But Felix knew better, he knew his parents and more than that he
knew that angry, disappointed look on their faces, the one they always reserved for him and
nobody else, the one that said that measures needed to be enforced to get him back in line. He
feared that look more than anything else.

His mother scoffed, clearly affronted that Felix could even dare ask such a question, as if the
answer was crystal clear. And it was, for everyone but him. His father finally stepped inside as
well, not waiting to be invited. He never needed to wait for anything, he was always the one in
power no matter where he went and he knew it all too well. He stood next to his wife, putting a
firm hand on her shoulder, glaring at Felix with even more disappointment than Felix had ever
seen in his eyes before. More than that, there seems to be.. disgust in his gaze this time. No matter
how hard his father had been on him, how angry he was at him, how much he disciplined him over
the years, never before had he been so clearly disgusted by his own son. It was one more slap in
the face that Felix didn’t need to remind himself he was well awake and it was another sort of
nightmare.. A real one.

“Why do you think, son?” his father’s powerful voice echoed in the small entrance. “You had your
fun but you played the rebellious child long enough. I cannot let you tarnish our name that way
with your idiocy, it’s time you stop all that nonsense, come home and go back to school.” he added,
and something in his tone said none of this was up for debate.

But Felix was confused. First of all, he had officially dropped out of school so there was no school
to go back to. Then again, with who his father was, Felix wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if a
simple call from him was enough to get the dean scrambling to give Felix back his spot, no matter
how competitive, prestigious and hard to join this school was. Most importantly though, what was
his father talking about? The only person he had been in contact with back home and who knew
what was going on in his life recently was his little sister and he knew, of all people, that she
wouldn’t rat him out to their parents. And he didn’t see why his parents would even care. They
threw him out, not the other way around.

“What..” he started and his confusion must have annoyed his father further, because next time he
talked, his tone was even firmer, even more cold.
“The little stunt you pulled, getting your face all over the internet, making noise with those
delinquants.. Are you trying to make me look like a fool, dishonor our family? All that because
you’re too lazy to focus on your studies like you were told to?” he spat, not moving an inch, Felix’s
mother nodding her agreement with every sentence. “Well this ends now.”

“You threw me out!” Felix finally snapped. His father could throw hate his way as much as he
wanted but he couldn’t bear to hear the venom in his words when he was talking about his friends,
his bandmates, his real family. “What I do with my life now is none of your concern!”

“As long as you parade around with my last name, everything you do is my concern! And you
better remember who I am before taking a tone with me, young man.” his father retorted. He didn’t
need to speak louder, the way he articulated each word clearly and with a still calmness was way
scarier than to see him shout in Felix’s eyes.

He wanted to retort, to tell him how badly he wanted nothing to do with that last name, that he
never used it to his advantage as he could’ve, that he moved as far away from them as possible,
leaving even his own possessions behind just to be his own person finally, not to be “the son of”
and so he would never have to owe his parents anything again. That he just wanted to be free and
had finally found this freedom here. But his father still terrified him despite the years. He had
never been violent towards him, at least not more than a slap here and there after a big argument,
but never abusive like some parents were. But he was strict and he knew how to get what he
wanted, because it was always his way and no other way, especially with Felix.

“My life is here now..” was all Felix managed to mutter under his breath, looking down at his feet
like a small child “I’m happy here..I’m not going back.”

“Nonsense” his father clicked his tongue in mecontentement.

“You’re too old to play pretend with a bunch of low life with no ambitions, and we have a
reputation to uphold, for goodness sake!” Felix’s mother finally snapped, her tiny arms flailing
around;

“Don’t talk about them like that!” Felix screamed, this last comment about the others being the last
straw; “You know nothing about them!” he could already feel tears, of anger, frustration, fear, all
mixed up, pool at the corner of his eyes.

His mother stared at him with her mouth wide open, definitely shocked that he would dare to speak
to her that way and scream. His father’s brows furrowed further and the tilt of his mouth, the tick
of his jaw, was enough to know he was now furious.

“I know that that.. Christopher is a part of it!” he said, almost spitting Chris’ name with the most
disgusted look on his face. “I always knew that boy was a bad seed, even when you were kids,
always filling your head with nonsense and making you act like a fool! I’m not surprised he’s still
playing around, doing nothing with his life, but to think you would be foolish enough to follow in
his footsteps.. I didn’t think I raised an imbecile!” he continued, through gritted teeth.

Felix’s whole body was tense from trying not to burst, scream, yell or even punch his father for the
words that were coming out of his mouth. He had never liked Chris, because he was the one person
who allowed Felix to be himself and to believe that dance and music weren’t as useless as his
parents tried to make him think. He hated him because Chris challenged Felix to think for himself
and that, to his father, was a major problem. Nobody had been more happy to see Christopher leave
Australia than Felix’s father had been. And, on the other end, nobody had been as crushed as Felix.

“Christopher has been good to me.. They all have! They treat me like family!” Felix said, anger
seeping from his words even though he was trying very hard not to shout again.

“Oh do they now..?” his father asked, content and mocking, a smirk creeping up on his face while
his mother scoffed next to him, shaking her head. “You seem to be very fond of this.. place.” he
said the last word, looking around with an air of disgust, probably appalled by the small, modest
and cozy interior. “Wouldn’t want something to happen to your dear Christopher, or your friends
now, would we..?” he finished, his smirk completely stretching the side of his lips, that awful look
in his eyes that Felix knew too well, the look that meant he found how to get what he wanted.

Those words chilled Felix to his core. What did his father had in mind? He didn’t know but the
simple idea of any of his bandmates getting hurt, the idea of Christopher being in trouble, of
bringing bad luck to Hyunjin, his precious, his only Hyunjin.. It made him sick to his stomach and
already he could feel his hands shake slightly at his side.

“What do you mean..?” he asked his father, trying to keep his composure. Surely it was just bluff.
Buf Felix knew better. His father never bluffed. Ever.

“We may not live in this country anymore, your mother and I, but we still have connections. Very
influential connections.” his father said, content dripping from every pore. “One phone call from
me and none of your little friends would be able to perform this.. music of theirs anywhere ever
again. It would be a shame, wouldn’t it?”

And at that.. Felix’s world crumbled to pieces. If there was any shred of hope left that his father
was bluffing or that things would not go as badly as he first thought.. It died right this second.
Because Felix knew exactly how influential his parents were and yes, he was right, one word from
him and the entire industry would probably shut their doors for the boys. Their dreams, their
precious, beautiful dreams that they all worked for so hard and for so long even before Felix came
around, would be shattered, all because Felix couldn’t bear the thought of going back to his old
life. And so he knew. Not matter how horrible it was for him, no matter how much he wished
things could go a different route.. He knew what he had to do.

As he looked down, his head hanging, his eyes clouded with tears, resigned, his father clapped his
shoulder with a laugh that made Felix want to vomit right then and there.

“Good boy. We’ll wait for you in the car.” he said, taking his hand away to direct his wife toward
the door. “We don’t have all day, you made us waste enough time as it is.” he warned and, with
that, disappeared through the door, leaving the room as empty and silent as if he had never been
there in the first place.

Felix stayed there, looking at his feet, his whole body trembling for a few seconds, before moving
on autopilot, his feet leading him slowly back up the stairs, back to this room he had called his for
the last few months, this room that held so many memories already, this room that was so special
to him.

There was nothing for him to pack, other than the small backpack he arrived with. He had mostly
used Chris’ or Hyunjin’s clothes when all of his were dirty, never bothering to buy enough for him
to settle a permanent wardrobe here. He wished he had had enough time to do that. Then again, he
wished a lot of things would’ve been different. Most of all, he wished he could at least say
goodbye, see them all one last time. But he knew he couldn’t, and he was also aware that it was for
the best. If he saw them, if they knew what was going on, they would try to stop him and he would
want to listen to them. He would want it so badly. But he couldn’t afford it. He couldn’t be the
reason their dream was stripped away from them. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting them and
he would do anything to let them go on and build that future for themselves, even if it meant
sacrificing himself and his happiness for it. If it was for them, he had no regret going back, even
knowing what awaited him now was worse than the way things were before.

He packed his clothes and laptop in a few seconds but still, stayed in the room for longer, looking
at the walls, at the empty bed he never used, at the sticky notes Hyunjin still had stuck everywhere
on the desks, at Hyunjin’s clothes, as always messily thrown on the floor at the foot of his bed and,
finally, at the bed itself, the covers under which they had slept, cuddled and made love together.
His heart was heavy at the loss before he even stepped foot outside. Because he knew. Deep down
he knew. Knew that there would never be another Hyunjin, never be anyone who could ever
compare to him. He knew that after today, after his own heart broke from leaving him behind, he
would never love again.

He opened the door, turning around to take one last long look at the room, trying to burn the image
of it, and all the memories, into his brain. As he remembered his last moments with Hyunjin, the
words the other boy said to him, that he never had a chance to return, the pure happiness he had
finally felt for the first time in his like.. He could feel his heart breaking in a million tiny pieces as
he closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

“I love you too..” he murmured to the air, one single tear rolling on his cheek before he closed the
door to his safe haven, for the last time.
 The Show Must Always Go On

“You know Jinnie would kill you if we ate that without him, just go put it in the freezer” Chan
laughed, sending Jisung to the kitchen with their newly bought ice cream. “I’ll go grab Felix.” he
then called behind him before making his way up the stairs.

Felix had been tired and stayed in bed this morning, according to Hyunjin. This was very unlike
Felix but he had worked very hard and Chan was simply happy to see that his little brother was
finally catching up on sleep. He wasn’t one to talk, but he always wanted his boys to do what he
said and not what he did after all. Hours had passed and Chan knew Felix probably wasn’t asleep
anymore, since it was now the end of the day, but since he had had no indication that he left the
house either, he thought he might find him in his room.

When he opened the door though, the room was filled in darkness and Felix was nowhere to be
found. Chan didn’t think much of it though and after a little frown, closed the door and made his
way back downstairs. After the whole debacle of Minho and Felix disappearing in the middle of
the night, Felix had made a point to text Chan almost anytime he would leave the house, letting his
best-friend know where he was headed. But it wasn’t unheard of that he would forget and go to the
dance studio or on a grocery run without shooting a text first, today was probably one of those
days.

“Let’s bring him tomorrow to show him!” Hyunjin excitedely said as him and Minho stepped
inside the house after hours at the dance studio, kicking their shoes in the entrance. “I’m sure he’ll
love it, it looks really good!”

“Let’s do that then” Minho nodded with a little smile at the corner of his lips, clearly agreeing with
Hyunjin even though, as was his nature, he didn’t want to seem as excited as the other boy was.

Minho then made his way to the living room, hearing the loud voice of Jisung screaming nonsense
and making the others laugh like he always did. Hyunjin though, wanted to check on Felix first
before joining the others. He was a bit sad, not having heard from him all day after he left him in
bed this morning. He had been the happiest man on earth, getting to share his love the way he did
the night before and then waking up in his arms, a rare sight with Felix who was always up hours
before him. He wished he could have stayed there forever. But he wasn’t worried, Felix wasn’t
going anywhere, they had all the time in the world to be together now. It was the first time ever
that Hyunjin felt this way, the first time he was confident things would be okay.

Jumping the stairs two by two, he went to check the room to see if maybe Felix had stayed in bed
all day, enjoying a bit of laziness for once. But the room was empty. Hyunjin frowned, looking at
the crumpled sheets. Something felt off but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He was probably just
disappointed. If Felix had indeed been in bed, he could’ve snuck under the covers and stayed there
with him instead of going back down with the others. He chuckled at the thought, biting his lower
lip, a slight color coming to his cheeks, the anticipation of cozying up against him again tonight,
growing in his chest.

Still he went to check the studio in the basement next, thinking it was the only logical place Felix
would be, but all he found there was Changbin, already packing his stuff after a few hours of work,
to go back upstairs and enjoy the evening with the boys. Once more, something stirred inside
Hyunjin’s chest. He didn’t know what it was but he had a bad feeling that he couldn’t shake off
since he stepped foot in his room and noticed Felix wasn’t there. He knew he was being dramatic.
He always was when Felix was involved. After all it was no secret to the both of them that they
were very.. intense, when it came to their relationship, so much more so now that they had gone all
the way. Now that Hyunjin had said those fated words. He shook his head, trying to get rid of his
useless worries as he followed Changbin out of the studio and back up the stairs.

“Felix wasn’t with you..?” Chan asked when Minho entered the living room. He heard Hyunjin go
up the stairs but never heard a second pair of footsteps following him or saw the pink head follow
suit to Minho either.

“Jinnie said he stayed home.” Minho shrugged, letting himself fall on the couch next to Jisung who
looked up at him with a bright smile before diving back into an animated discussion with Jeongin.

“Uh..” Chan simply muttered, a frown finding its way back between his brows as he glanced
towards the door to the room.

Why was he feeling like something was awfully off? Surely there was nothing that weird about
Felix being away, but it was starting to get late, he didn’t text or call and if he wasn’t at home or at
the dance studio, Chan couldn’t picture where the boy would’ve gone off to on his own. Still he
was sure it was just his protective instincts kicking in. With Felix in particular, he really couldn’t
help it, even when nothing was wrong.

“Have you seen Felix?” Hyunjin’s voice echoed as he entered the room, following Changbin who
went to sat between Jeongin and Seungmin.

Everyone shook their heads at him and the same frown Chan knew he was arboring himself, was
now on Hyunjin’s pretty face as well, as he slowly made his way into the living room, sitting at the
far end of the couch, looking perplexed, maybe even somewhat perturbed. That didn’t ease Chan’s
mind at all.

Chan tried to catch Hyunjin’s eye and when the younger boy finally looked up to meet his gaze,
they seemed to have a silent conversation. Chan frowned deeper, Hyunjin shook his head ever so
slightly and then tilted it to the side to what Chan responded with a worried sigh. He had wondered
for a second if maybe Hyunjin and Felix had a fight again and Felix had run off because of it, but
according to that little exchange it didn’t seem to be the case. But it also seemed like Felix hadn’t
contacted Hyunjin either about where he was going or when he was coming home, which simply
made Chan worry more.

“Chill, bro.” Jisung suddenly announced, probably sensing Chan’s unease, maybe even picking up
on Hyunjin’s mood which didn’t seem much better. “He probably went to buy stuff to make
brownies. He said we didn’t have baking supplies anymore yesterday.” he shrugged, Seungmin
nodding at that and trying to offer a reassuring smile.

Chan and Hyunjin both nodded at that as well, Chan tried to tell himself he was overreacting, just
being his overprotective self and Hyunjin seemed to have a similar thought process as Chan was
watching him assimilate the idea. But from the corner of his eye, Chan noticed that even Minho
looked at them for a second, with the slightest, smallest frown on his face. He might’ve missed it if
he didn’t know the boy as well as he did, but he could read them all like open books. Minho too,
found the whole thing pretty weird.

“Let’s save the ice cream for when he comes home and let’s pick a movie instead, alright?”
Seungmin offered, still this soothing, reassuring smile of his plastered on his face. Chan knew he
could feel the tension in some of them and just wanted to ease it as best he could.
“You bought ice cream?!” Minho exclaimed, sparkles filling his eyes as he looked towards Jisung.
Ice cream was, after coffee, his biggest weakness after all.

“Of course!” Jisung exclaimed, puffing his chest. “I’m the best!” he added, making a V of victory
with his fingers, only getting a slap behind the head from Minho in response.

“Don’t overdo it, idiot.” Minho retorted, but a small smile was creeping on his lips.

And with those words and in the midst of soft laughter, they all started to debate and argue about
which movie to pick, until the vote was unanimous and they were finally able to start the TV, more
than 15 minutes later. They all settled on the couch, leaning on one another, feet propped up on
someone else’s laps, whispers and jokes being exchanged here and there as they started watching a
movie, and then another. Waiting and waiting for Felix to come home.

But.. he never did.

~ TWO MONTHS LATER ~

Tonight was the night. But instead of the overwhelming excitement that they all expected to feel
ever since it had been announced, the whole thing was coated in a thick layer of bittersweetness, a
sense of incompletion.

Felix.. Never came home. Hours they waited, days, months. Nothing. Not him passing the
threshold with a completely logical explanation, saying he was sorry over and over again. Not a
phone call to explain where he was. Not even a text or a random sheet of paper left somewhere for
them to find, to say he was okay. They all had to deal with the fact that he was gone for good, and
they all did, in their own ways. But saying they had dealt “well” with it would’ve been a lie.
Nothing about any of them had been “well” or “good” ever since they found the house empty,
without Felix in it. Because when Chan called him Sunshine, he wasn’t lying. In only a few months
he had indeed become the sunshine of the group, of the home, of the family. He had been the one
bringing warmth and light and happiness to the others even when they were all tired, even when
they could barely see one another because of work, even when he, himself, was down. And now..
They still tried to laugh around, find that lightness they had before Felix appeared in their lives, but
it didn’t seem as genuine as before, because they could all feel all too well how cold and dark, how
empty and sad the house was without their sunshine.

Chan had been worried sick. He had no idea where his best friend, his little brother had gone. And
he knew for a fact Felix wouldn’t have left out of the blue, not without at least warning him about
it. He wondered for a while if something had happened. He suspected if something did, it had to do
with Hyunjin and that relationship of theirs, that they tried to keep under wrap. But as much as
Chan wanted to interrogate Hyunjin about it, to get the tiniest bit of peace of mind he could from at
least having a concrete explanation as to why the younger boy had left, Hyunjin’s state after the
whole ordeal made Chan back away for a while.

Still he was worried out of his mind. If sleep had been hard for him before, it had now become an
abstract concept and he had no idea how he was even still standing most days, because he couldn’t
recall one time, during those last two months, where he had slept more than an hour or two during
the night.

Every single day, even today, he had made it a habit to call Felix. The boy never responded and
even though he was redirected to his voicemail the first few times, it had been months now since it
had been full, and he couldn’t leave any more messages. Still he continued to do it, religiously,
every morning before starting his day, just holding on to a sliver of hope that one day Felix would
pick up. He didn’t even want an explanation or an apology really, all he cared about was to know
his little brother was safe, that he was okay. Because all the worst scenarios possible kept playing
in his mind ever since he went missing. All Chan knew was that Felix had nowhere to go, that was
the whole reason why he stayed at the house to begin with. He didn’t know anybody in Korea and
if one thing was for certain, knowing him and his family like Chan did, it’s that he would have
never, in a million years, chosen to go back there.

Chan was good at hiding his pain, his sadness, the deep hurt he felt every single time he woke up
to find the kitchen empty, Felix not there with his bright smile, shiny eyes, fixing him a cup of
coffee. He had to be good at hiding it, because no matter what happened, he was the leader, he was
the pillar, he was the one who was supposed to hold everyone else together. And not all of them
handled it as quietly and privately as he did. Things had been weird at the house, nobody acting
like themselves, and it had been hard for even Chan to do anything about it. Because sometimes
people have to deal with things their own way, no matter if it is anger they choose, sadness, or
complete apathy. And each of his members chose a completely different way of dealing with it.

Minho had seemed.. fine. Unbothered. He went about his day like nothing happened for a while.
That got a few of the boys riled up against him but of course Chan knew him and he knew it was
just a matter of time. He hadn’t been wrong. First Jisung came to him one night, confiding that
Minho wasn’t sleeping well, that he would often sneak out in the middle of the night just to go to
the dance studio, unable to find sleep, restless. It wasn’t the first time he did things like that. Felix,
Hyunjin and Minho always had that in common, if something bothered them, if they couldn’t sleep
or simply if they felt too idle, they always ended up at the same place, always dealing with it in the
same way. But Chan knew. He knew that things were simply brewing inside of Minho and that one
day or another he wouldn’t be able to hold it in anymore.

One morning, maybe three weeks after Felix had disappeared, Minho woke up, came into the
kitchen to grab his morning coffee, like he always did. Felix had been the one making coffee for
everyone ever since he arrived and Minho, obsessed with his caffeine, had praised him more than
once on it. Since he left though, it was usually the first one up who would take on the task, and this
time it had been Seungmin. One sip of it was enough for the string holding back Minho’s anger
inside of him to finally snap.

“Who made that? It’s disgusting!” he had exclaimed, shouting in the middle of the kitchen.

He had thrown the cup in the sink with so little delicacy that it actually shattered as he was
storming out of the living room, grabbing his coat and leaving the house altogether without a single
more word for anyone. Jisung had followed suit, worried and from what Chan had heard
afterwards, it hadn’t been good. Minho was furious, boiling but more than anything he was sad and
slightly hurt. He had cried, thing Minho very rarely did and that surprised even Jisung. Granted
they were tears of anger and frustration from holding his feelings inside for too long, but it was still
tears and for someone so used to dealing with everything with an unbothered approach, it needed a
lot to get to that point. He had been very quiet, trying to act as normal as possible but still pulling
away every so often ever since.

Jisung had an entirely different approach himself. The house had been very calm, silent.. Sad ever
since Felix was gone, all of them feeling the weight of it and almost being scared to talk too loud or
to laugh like it was gonna make something happen if they did, or maybe like it had become
unnatural to do so with one of their own missing. But Jisung had always had his own way of
masking his feelings : laughter. Or, more accurately, making other people laugh. And so that’s
what he tried to do, every day, forcing himself to be the jokester, feeling like it was, in some
twisted way, his obligation to brighten the mood. Him who was always so loud, always so lively,
was feeling crushed by the heavy atmosphere floating around every single day. Him and Felix had
bonded in a very peculiar way. They had learned after a few weeks, that they were born only a few
hours apart and every since Changbin, Jeongin and Seungmin had started to call them the twins.
Even though Felix was calmer and more put together than Jisung was, every single time he would
start his antics, Felix would be the first one joining in, or laughing at his jokes. Felix had been
Jisung’s best hype man and his number one fan. And now.. every joke fell flat and felt forced,
because even him, even the boy who was known for his laughter and energy, couldn’t even find it
in him to be happy, to laugh or even to make others laugh in some way or another. He still tried,
because he felt obligated to, because the heaviness in the air was too much to bear, but they all
knew, him included, that none of it was genuine anymore.

Seungmin and Changbin were probably the ones handling it the best. Seungmin was going around,
trying to take care of everyone even more so than he used to. He was known to be the “mom” of
the group, always looking after everyone, making sure they were healthy, but once Felix was gone,
once the mood shifted and everyone started to deal their own way, Seungmin’s tendency of taking
care of people and worrying about them, reached another new level. He was literally always trying
to take care of someone, being behind them every second of the day, as if stopping and leaving
them alone, staying with his own thoughts, was too hard. He compartmentalized well, he always
had, but it was clear in how restless he was for other people to feel better that he, himself, wasn’t
happy.

Changbin had basically been the same as he always had. Sure, he looked broody and a little down,
but he wasn’t dragging his feet and putting on a mask like Jisung was, he wasn’t angry and taking
it out on people like Minho, he wasn’t focusing all his energy on other people in order not to deal
with his own emotions like Seungmin.. Instead, he was writing, making music. Every single piece
felt heart shattering, lyrics and melodies that could make anyone cry. It was his own way of
dealing with too many thoughts, too many feelings, because he had never been good at expressing
them any other way. But because of that he usually ended up cooped up in the studio downstairs all
day, every day. Sometimes all night too. He barely saw the others unless they needed to rehearse
together because the flow of emotions in him never seemed to have an end. And as long as the
feelings kept coming, as long as he was hurt, feeling weighed down, as long as there was sadness..
He needed to write it down and make it into something tangible the best way he knew how. Or he
would go crazy, like some of the others.

Jeongin had been difficult to deal with. Ever since Felix disappeared, the younger started to act as
if he was just now hitting his angsty teenager phase. He seemed angry at everyone for no reason,
refused to have dinner with them, would stay up all night on his computer, doing gods knew what.
He was broody, angsty but most of all.. he was hurting. And he was refusing to admit it, refusing to
talk about it altogether really. Chan tried, as did Changbin and Seungmin, because unlike them it
was the first time Jeongin was really experiencing the loss of someone important in his life. They
all had before and even them had a hard time, so they were all worried about Jeongin, but he never
once let them inside his shell, deciding instead to deal with it by acting up every chance he had,
being mad or annoyed at every single one of them when he had to be around them and staying
cooped up in his room with his tech the rest of the time, swearing to anybody who asked, that he
hated Felix profoundly and wanted nothing to do with him. But Changbin, still to this day, months
later, could still sometimes hear the boy muffle his tears in his pillow, in the middle of the night.

And then.. there was Hyunjin.

Nobody knew what to do, what to say, how to act. He was barely ever out of his room, acting on
autopilot like a zombie when he was. He wasn’t eating anything, wasn’t talking to anyone, and
more worrisome than anything else.. he wasn’t dancing anymore. Where this would have been his
coping mechanism for anything normally, to the point of him forgetting to take care of himself
because he was dancing for too long every day, he was now refusing to even step foot in the dance
studio at all. To all the others he seemed to feel.. nothing. To be unable to have a single feeling
anymore. He didn’t cry, scream, shout or emote in any way shape or form in front of them. Him
who had always been so pure-hearted, so easy to read, so emotional in every single situation, was
now looking like a broken statue. This was enough to make Chan worry even more. Because he
knew better than anybody about Hyunjin’s past and no matter what happened between Felix and
him, no matter if Hyunjin was or not the reason Felix left, Chan had a pretty good idea about the
sort of things going through Hyunjin’s mind since this happened.

Because Hyunjin had one fear and one fear only. Being abandoned. And Felix had abandoned
them. Abandoned him. Not matter the time they spent together, no matter the bond they created, no
matter the love he had expressed time and time again, the love he had laid bare in front of him on
that last fateful night.. Felix had chosen to abandon him. He wasn’t worthy to be loved, he didn’t
deserve it and he had always known it. He hated himself for letting himself forget, letting himself
believe that someone, anyone, could love him and stay by his side when nobody in the past, not
even his mother, did. Felix had become his one and only, he had become the sun his whole world
revolved around. Felix had become his heart. And his heart was now completely gone.

What others didn’t know, what others didn’t see, was that inside of his room he was crying every
second of the day, his eyes sore and red, bloodshot from the constant flow of tears streaming down
his face. In a fit of rage one day, when nobody was home, he tore his room apart. The other bed,
the one that was supposed to be Felix’s was completely flipped around on the ground, his books
and the posters on his walls were thrown and scattered on the floor, so were his clothes that he
couldn’t find the energy to clean and put away. His own mattress, the one Felix and him had slept
on so many times, the one that had supported their only night of love, their last night, was laying
on the floor, in the corner of the room, sheet crumpled everywhere around it. Hyunjin couldn’t bear
to sleep in it anymore, could barely bear to even see it. For weeks he had been sleeping on the
floor, rolling himself in a thick blanket and wishing that it was all a nightmare, his now vacant
chest only feeling even more empty as he woke up to find that Felix was still not in his arms, that
he would never be again. Because Felix didn’t care, Felix didn’t love him. Because he had scared
Felix away with his love, ruined the only good thing, the best thing, that had ever happened to him.

He called Felix everyday for the first few weeks before finally giving up. He didn’t have the
restraint Chan had. When he called, he called three, four, five times in a row, leaving messages
after messages, crying, screaming, first asking for his forgiveness, saying he never wanted to scare
him away, begging for him to come back and, after a while, cursing him, telling him how much he
hated him for leaving, for taking his heart away from him. For breaking him.

Because Hyunjin was broken. And no matter time, no matter space, no matter the other people
coming and going in his life, no matter music, dance or any experiences he might have in the
future, Hyunjin would always be broken, beyond repair. Because the only thing that was holding
him together, the only thing that mattered, the only thing he was living for, was Felix. And Felix
was gone. So he would now stay broken, not living but just existing, until it was the end.

So yes, none of them were happy, none of them were excited, all of them had only one thing, one
person, in mind on that special day and all of them could feel how heavy and thick with sadness
and regret the air was as they waited for their turn. But tonight was the night, and despite
everything, they had to see it to the end. They all worked so hard for so long and they knew that
even though it felt wrong, even though they were incomplete, this was what they had to do.
Because no matter what.. the show must always go on.

“And tonight on stage, the new internet sensation… STRAY KIDS!”

 Neverending Story
Chapter Notes

I'm so SO sorry it took so long for me to update! Between work and Kingdom I've
been SWAMPED! But.. HEY, we won! So congrats to our boys and congrats to us. I'm
sure you all worked really hard to do your part so I'm proud of you! ♥

For those who stuck around despite the delay.. Thank you SO MUCH!~
I cried like a baby writing this chapter and even more rereading it, not gonna lie but..
Oh well! I hope you all like it nonetheless!

PS: If you haven't deduced it from the title of this chapter, the song they're performing
during the chapter is Neverending Story so.. Maybe put it on in the background for
ambiance? And prepare the tissues!~ ♥

Nervousness. That was all the boys could feel. Other than that, most of them were empty. Sure
they were glad to be able to perform on a stage for the first time, to show off their talent live. Hell
it had been their dream for years. But were they happy? No, they couldn’t say they were, as they
stepped foot, one by one, under the spotlight, forming a perfect line behind their assigned
microphone, gazing at the small crowd flooded in darkness beyond the stage.

As the music started to play, soft and melancholic, through the speakers and all eyes drifted to
them, they all knew. They knew that it was going to be a hard song to sing.

After all.. The song had been written for him.

“I remember the day we first met, the shy smiles and spilling sunlight”

Seungmin did remember that day like it was yesterday.. They all did. Felix had been so shy,
seeming so small and lost. And Seungmin knew right then and there that he would be one of them,
that he found them, found Chan just like they all did, at the right time. He knew before even talking
to him, before even getting to know him, that Felix would be special. That he would be family.
And he had been right. Boy had he been right.. Because before he knew it, Felix became the glue
that held them together, their joy, brighter than the sunlight spilling through the windows on a
bright early day.

“I knew just by looking into your eyes, that we were one. You are me.”

They had always been one, they would always be one. Felix was Chan’s soulmate and there was no
doubt in Chan’s mind about it. They didn’t love each other that way, not anymore but still the bond
that binded them was stronger, more powerful than love, than friendship or family.. It was forever.
Or at least he had thought so, for so long.. He knew he should’ve been there more for him
throughout the years. He knew Felix had needed him, that he abandoned him and left him behind
to fend for himself when he left Australia all those years ago. He had been selfish for not thinking
about it that way before. Maybe this was his punishment.. Maybe this was karma, coming back at
him with a vengeance. Or maybe Felix finally realized he deserved better, he deserved more. It was
long overdue, after all. He had been such a bad friend. Such an absent brother. There was no end to
the shame he felt for failing Felix like he had. He couldn’t blame the boy for leaving, Chan knew
he deserved to be hurting the way he was, and then some.

“Whenever you smile, whenever you struggle, I’ll always protect you.I can even jump across
time to go to you.”

And what a protector he had been. Changbin saw Felix as a little brother.. Small, sensible.. He
reminded him so much of someone he had known in the past. No matter how he looked at it, Felix
was the kind of person he wanted to shield from the harsh realities of the world. The kind of person
he needed to protect at all cost. What a failure that turned out to be. But what did he expect, really?
Changbin had never been able to protect anybody he cared about, why would this time should’ve
been any different? He knew Felix had been hurt in the past, they all had, that was the reason they
all came together. But as soon as he heard the bright joyful laughter, as soon as he saw the sunshine
inside Felix’s soul, he swore to himself he would never let anything or anyone hurt him ever again,
just like he would never let anyone hurt any of his brothers. But now he was gone, and no matter
why he decided to leave, Changbin knew it was unpleasant and hurtful, otherwise he would never
have abandoned them without a word. So.. He had been hurt, one way or another. Again. And
Chanbgin had failed to protect someone. Again.

“I believe. I believe, that even if the world changes, I won’t change. Will you promise me?”

Jisung hadn’t changed. He had treated Felix like he treated all the other boys. But maybe that was
the problem? He had gotten so close to him throughout the months, becoming his “twin” in the
eyes of everyone. Felix was always laughing at Jisung’s jokes, always hyping him up, always
caring for him, baking him all his favorite sweets. But what did Jisung do for Felix.. What did he
really have to offer. He realized how one-sided that relationship had been, how selfish he was for
taking all of Felix’s love, taking all his tenderness, his care, his laughter and his sunshine, soaking
it in but never giving it back. Maybe if he had changed, maybe if, for one second, he had
questioned himself instead of going with the flow like he always did.. Then maybe Felix wouldn’t
have left them all.

“In this beautiful place, all the memories of loving you, will become a story that never ends.”

This. This was supposed to be Felix’s line. During rehearsal nobody had accepted to sing it in his
place, so they decided to sing in unison instead. Not only did those words were supposed to
resonate in the room in Felix’s deep, melodious voice, but they were supposed to be a promise to
him, supposed to his truth. Their truth.

Chan and Hyunjin had started writing this song together because of Felix. For Felix, really. They
may not have seen completely eye to eye when it came to the relationship between Hyunjin and
Felix, Chan being worried that the two of them would get hurt one way or another and Hyunjin
being jealous of the bond Felix and Chan already shared, that couldn’t compare to anything else.
But they could agree on one thing. Felix was here to stay; He was their whole life, to the both of
them. Something more than a friend, a lover or a brother, but a true life line, the sunshine that
illuminated every second of their day, the strength that they needed to go on.. Felix was their heart.
So writing this song together had been easy, because through those lyrics they wanted nothing
more than to promise Felix that he belonged and that what they had, their family.. It was forever.
Until it wasn’t anymore..

“Never say goodbye, because we are one. Because we will walk the same dream.”

That dream, that the seven of them had shared for so long.. Felix had share it with them, all his life,
before even knowing them. Seungmin had always been fascinated, impressed by Felix. He didn’t
know the details behind the hardship in his life, but he could recognize the true strength of his
character because of the fact that no matter what life threw at him in the past, he had always,
always stuck to his beliefs and his passion. All he knew was that, for years, Felix had been unable
to dance or sing like he wanted to, for some reason. But he had continued to love it, continued to
dream about it. This.. Was formidable to Seungmin. After all, before meeting Chan, before being
surrounded by music and love.. Seungmin never dreamed of anything. He never had the luxury to
dream. Or at least that’s what he used to tell himself, whenever he realized what an empty shell he
was back then. But Felix.. If Felix had been in Seungmin’s shoes, years prior, living the life he
led.. Felix would’ve dreamed and dreamed again. That, to Seungmin, was soul crushing. Because
Felix, who held on to this dream for so long, deserved to live it and be on stage more than
Seungmin, who only started dreaming about it a few years ago, thanks to Chan.

“Please, just smile next to me like you are now.”

What would Minho give to see that silly smile again.. He wasn’t one to show his emotions, wasn’t
one to openly offer his affection. Jisung had been the only exception he made to that rule and even
then, he had battled it for a long time before giving in. But Felix..? Felix had this power, this way
of slithering inside people’s heart, seeing them for who they really are, accepting them with open
arms and with.. a smile. That smile. The one that could brighten up any room, cheer up anyone.
Minho hated that smile. He loved that smile. Sometimes, often, when he closed his eyes to let the
scent of his morning coffee fill his nostrils and wake him up, in the early hours, all he could see
behind his eyelids was that sweet, bright, sunny smile. And that always pissed him off. Because it
hurt. It hurt so bad. It hurt more than Minho thought it would, more than it was meant to, more
than he was ready to accept. Because he never let people enter that deep into his heart for this
exact reason, to make sure he never hurt that much again. And now.. Now he was in shambles
inside and still tried to maintain the facade on the outside. It was exhausting. He was angry, he was
tired. He was hurting. And as he started to feel his mask slip, his heart clench and his eyes water,
Jisung’s hand materialized in his, quietly squeezing his fingers between his as the song continued
to play its course, continued to hurt all of them little by little.

“Farther than tomorrow, longer than forever, I love you.”

Jisung would. They all would. Felix was a part of them now and even though most of them came to
terms with the fact that they had to go on without him, all of them knew he would never truly
disappear, they would never forget him and he would be a part of every single song, every single
choreography, performance, vlog they would ever make. He was part of Stray Kids, now and
forever.

Minho squeezed Jisung’s hand tighter. They both knew the other one was close to their breaking
point, close to letting emotions submerge them, and they couldn’t afford it, not now, not on stage,
not in front of the audience and especially not in front of the others. They would break, in time.
They all would, one after the other. But they would all do it quietly, in their rooms, far from the
others, not wanting to worry anybody or to show their weaknesses. Jisung promised himself that he
wouldn’t cry on stage. And even though the others said nothing to him, he was pretty sure
everyone promised themselves the same thing. Whether it was feasible was another story
altogether. Because they all knew it was going to be hard, but Jisung wasn’t expecting it to be quite
this difficult.

“On nights I couldn’t sleep because of my worries, I used to look at you and promise to the
sky.”

Changbin clenched his teeth, singing the words. He could feel Hyunjin and Chan’s love in them.
Hyunjin had never come forth to actually announce him and Felix had something going on, but
they had been so obvious about it that everyone in the house knew. Even if they didn’t figure it out
before, the way Hyunjin completely broke once Felix was gone had been proof enough. They were
all sad and they still hurt, all of them, but Hyunjin.. It was something else. It was worse. And as he
sang the words he knew Hyunjin wrote, he stole a glance at the boy next to him, looking at his feet,
hands clenched around the microphone even though his turn to sing hadn’t come yet. Just by
looking at Hyunjin, at his angelic face tensed with worry and a world of hurt, Changbin knew that
the lyrics weren’t just that. He knew that, at one point, they reflected Hyunjin’s reality. That
Hyunjin, during sleepless nights, probably used to gaze upon Felix’s face, thanking the heavens to
have brought them together. And suddenly Changbin’s own hurt seemed insignificant, because no
matter how bad he felt, how guilty he felt.. He knew Hyunjin’s heart was irrevocably broken. More
than any of them could understand.

“Even my dreams that are so far away, I promised I wouldn’t let go.”

Yet again, they sang in unison, none of them able to forget that those words were supposed to
come out of Felix’s mouth. They reflected him so well, showed his determination to make his
dreams a reality despite being brought down again and again, being told and taught that his dreams
were worthless, that it would never happen and he should forget it. Still, deep down, he believed,
clenched onto every ounce of passion that resided in his heart and, one day, it paid off. Because,
one day, he became a stray kid, found his real family, found his voice and his future. All of this
was depicted in one single, simple line, only a few words. But now, on this day, all that those
words represented to all of them, was that this family they thought to be stronger than anything
else, was now broken, shattered, missing a vital piece.

“Even if you get lost and lonely for a moment..”

Was he feeling lonely? Seungmin couldn’t help but wonder. He couldn’t help but want to take care
of Felix, remind him to go to sleep when he was dozing off on the couch, bring him his plate when
he was taking a break in the living room after coming back from the dance studio, fold his clean
laundry and put it on the end of his bed in the morning. Wherever he was, was he eating properly?
Was he sleeping well? Not knowing was driving Seungmin crazy with worry. His fingers clenched
around his microphone as he bit down on his bottom lip, letting Chan continue the song, trying to
rein down his own emotions, while looking at all his brothers, seeing the same thing on their faces
that what was probably showing on his.. Loneliness, worry, sadness. And more than that.. A deep
hurt that was threatening to overpower them all.

“Listen to my breath, to my voice.”

Chan closed his eyes. He had been so good at hiding how hurt, how worried he was to the others.
Every single day without news of Felix, without hearing his voice, his laugh, without seeing his
smile and those little freckles moving as he crinkled his nose with stars dancing in his eyes.. Every
single day without all that destroyed him a little bit more on the inside. He was dying with worry.
Plagued with guilt. If only he had reached out more often during those years apart, he could’ve at
least heard Felix’s voice more before it was taken away from him. If only he had called more than
once in a while, he could’ve been a constant in his life and not just a shadow of the past. If only he
had stayed in Australia, then maybe Felix would still be with him, maybe things would’ve played
differently and their paths would never had led them so far away from each other. If only..

“If you call me, I’ll find you, wherever you are..”

Jeongin’s voice slightly broke, emotion already constricting his throat. He hadn’t handled Felix’s
departure well, he knew it. He still didn’t know what he was even supposed to feel. Felix
abandoned them, so he should hate him. He should, right? But then why did hating him felt so
wrong? And why did his heart hurt so much? Why did everything remind him of Felix, making
him want to cry no matter where or with who he was, at any time of the day? Was it what it felt like
to lose someone? Jeongin wouldn’t know, he had never lost anyone before, because he never had
anyone to lose to begin with, before Chan, before Stray Kids. And even then, Chan promised he
would never be alone again, that he would never lose this family. He promised and he lied, and
now Felix was gone and Jeongin didn’t know what to do with the rage and hurt that were battling
constantly inside his chest, with the tears that were burning his eyes everytime he was trying to
drift off to sleep. Worse than all that, Jeongin didn’t know what to do with the memories. Because
that’s what was the most hurtful, wasn’t it? Remembering someone that wasn’t here anymore. He
wished he could just forget. Loss would be so much easier, if he just didn’t remember.

“I promised I wouldn’t cry, even in stormy days.”

All the boys looked at Hyunjin when his voice powerfully took over. They were all watching, all
waiting. He was singing, looking at the ground, refusing to look up, his hands so tightly clenched
around the microphone that his joints were pure white. Changbin discreetly put his hand on
Hyunjin’s back, he could feel how tense the boy was under his fingers and through the fabric of his
clothes. He was fighting an inside battle, one worse than what any of them could imagine, and they
could all see, plain as day, that he was losing.

He said he wouldn’t cry. He said he wouldn’t hurt. But he also said Felix was his forever and
where was he now? Hyunjin had lied to himself the whole time. He did cry. Sometimes it felt like
all he could do was cry. Until.. there were no more tears left to cry and all he was left with was an
empty black void in his chest where his heart used to be. Because even though Felix left most of his
belongings in their room, there was one thing he took with him, without even realizing it..
Hyunjin’s heart. Since then, every day had been a stormy day. And every day he had cried himself
to sleep, cried himself awake, cried and cried until his eyes couldn’t produce any more tears, until
his throat was sore from sobbing and his eyes were so bloodshot that his vision was blurry. He had
known all along this would end up like that, that he would be abandoned, left alone like he
deserved. He had always known this was his fate. So why did he decide to lie to himself like that,
to make himself believe that he could be happy, holding Felix in his arms forever. He had been
stupid to even entertain the thought.

“I promised to hold you even more warmly and protect you.”

He missed him, missed his small body warmly pressed against him in the middle of the night, his
tiny fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt, pressing against his chest and his eyes fluttering
from whatever dream he was having. He missed the smell of his hair, the taste of his lips, the flush
on his cheeks and the twinkle in his eyes. He missed the stars on his face, the crinkle of his nose
when he yawned after waking up. He missed the way he tugged the cover on Hyunjin’s body while
leaving the bed, the sound of his quiet footsteps as he left the room, trying not to wake him up. He
missed their daily life together. He missed every breath he took, every second he existed in the
same space as him.

The simple thought, the simple memory of Felix in his arms made his heart ache even more. One
of his hands slipped from the microphone to come rest on his chest, gripping his shirt right where
his heart would be. It was pounding in his chest even though he knew there was no heart there
anymore, not really. But it was hurting, so bad, the kind of hurt he could not deal with anymore.
His eyes were burning, his chest was aching, his mind was numb and his soul was shattered in a
million pieces. Singing those words, that he had written for him, that song that was his declaration,
his promise to him.. It was too much.
“The love you gave me remains, that’s how I have the strength to live.”

They all sang Felix’s line together, except Hyunjin who was trying to calm himself down, taking
small breaths. They all loved him. They loved him so much it hurt. So much that they were hardly
able to function properly without him. They wanted to tell him that, that’s why they wrote it in the
song to begin with but now? Now they were all singing their love for him to a crowd that could not
begin to understand what it meant, to people who could not imagine the hurt that was residing in
their chests. They were singing it to everyone. Everyone but him.

“Let’s save the goodbyes for the next time we meet.”

Chan looked down at his feet, gripping his microphone stand, Jisung inched closer to Minho who
was gripping Jisung’s arm like he was holding on for dear life, Seungmin closed his eyes,
Changbin looked in the distance to fight the tears, Jeongin muffled a quiet sob, turning his face
away from the microphone and Hyunjin.. Hyunjin was beating his fist against his chest, trying as
hard as he could to get the pain there to subside and failing miserably. He was becoming frantic,
his hands were shaking, his eyes were burning, his mask and his facade were crumbling by the
second. Because there would be no next time, and they all knew it. Felix was gone, he had left
them and they never even had the chance to say goodbye. They will probably never do.

“The story we made remains like this”

How could their story end like this? How could Felix force this hurt on them, how could Chan
allow it, how could Hyunjin be the one causing it in the first place? Jeongin hated them all. They
were all stupid. They were all to blame. Everyone was to blame. Because that wasn’t the story they
were supposed to live. That wasn’t what Chan had promised. They were supposed to be a family,
they were supposed to be happy and reach their dreams together and now.. Now their dream meant
nothing because the promise had been broken. The family had been broken. And Jeongin hated
that as well. Hated the hurt. Hated the tears that were already forming at the corner of his eyes and
the dull ache in his chest. Hated the crack in his voice as he sang his part and the worry in
Seungmin’s eyes as he looked at him. He hated it. He hated everything. He hated everyone. But
when Seungmin grabbed his hand soflty, trying to soothe him by rubbing his thumb on the back of
his hand.. Then he hated himself more than anything else. Because he couldn’t bear to actually
hate his family, despite the lies.

“It’ll make our endless days so beautiful.”

Minho was so close. So close to breaking. Every single word, every single lyric reminded him of
what they all lost. Endless days? Those few months with Felix felt anything but endless. They felt
too short, too little. And all Minho could do was curse himself for being who he was, for holding
back, for not opening to Felix like he should have, right from the start. Because he didn’t make the
most of those short moments and now it was too late. Now he couldn’t look Felix in the eyes and
talk openly about Jisung and him, he couldn’t sit down with Felix and narrate his shitty life story,
he couldn’t even let him know how much he meant to him in such a short amount of time. Oh god.
Felix didn’t even know how much he mattered. What an idiot Minho had been. What a stubborn
idiot. Even Jisung’s warmth next to him, even his fingers clenched around his hand, wasn’t enough
to soothe Minho anymore, as his eyes started to furiously burn, tears threatening to form as he was
mentally kicking himself to the curb for not taking advantage of the time he had with Felix just out
of sheer stubbornness and fear.

“Never say goodbye, because you and I are one. Because we will walk the same dream.”.

He never said goodbye. Chan looked up at the ceiling, unable to keep a straight face anymore, his
own eyes red from holding back the tears. He was the strongest, because he had to be. He hadn’t
shown his wounds, because he couldn’t afford to, not when all his kids were already hurting
enough as it was. He had tried so hard to keep them all together despite everything crumbling down
around them and inside them. But the truth was.. He was the one crumbling down. And all he
could think about was that Felix never said goodbye. Would it hurt less if he had? Probably not.
But at least he would know why. At least he would know that Felix was safe and sound. At least he
would’ve gotten some closure. Instead he felt like a big piece of his soul had been ripped out
without warning or explanation. And without a goodbye..

“Please just smile next to me like you are now.”

A strangled sob, discreet and muffled, escaped Chan’s throat as Minho sang those words again.
Tears were already there, hanging at the corner of Minho’s eyes, waiting for the opportune moment
to fall and roll on his cheeks. He wasn’t proud of it, but how could he do otherwise when the
memory of Felix’s gentleness, of his soothing voice calming Minho when he was upset, of this
goddamn smile, was tormenting him a little more every second this song was playing.

“Farther than tomorrow, longer than forever, I love you.”

Jisung looked down to hide the two tears flowing down and staining his cheeks. He could feel how
broken the boys were. How broken he was. Never before had he wanted to say “I love you” so bad
to someone. Because he usually said it to people all the time. But why did he never say it to Felix?
He never had the time, never had the chance.. Because he never expected it to be done so fast,
never expected his chance to slip through his fingers. He did love him. They all did; So much. Did
he even know that? If only Jisung could’ve said it, maybe the unspoken words wouldn’t press so
hard on his chest.. He swore that from today forward he would tell Minho he loved him multiple
times a day. That he was going to say “I love you” to all the boys every morning. But it would
never erase the fact that one person would never hear those words from him. And he wasn’t sure if
he could ever stop feeling guilty for that.

“The words I love you may be a bit typical..”

Hyunjin’s voice echoed and they all held their breath. Chan was visibly trying to keep his hands
from shaking, Jisung and Minho both had a solitary tear rolling on their cheek, Jeongin was hiding
his face away from the public, probably because it, too, was streaked with tears. Changbin was
biting his lower lip harder than he probably should, his hand resting on Hyunjin’s shoulder, as a
support and Seungmin was taking small breaths, stroking Jeongin’s back soothingly. All their eyes
were trained on Hyunjin. And they all knew before it happened, they all knew before he did..
Hyunjin was going to break.

“But I can’t save those words because I..”

His voice cracked. He looked up for the first time during the whole performance, looked around
the audience for half a second before turning towards his bandmates. The look in his eyes was one
of a scared animal caught in headlights, because he too, was realizing that the dam was going to
break.

“because I love you more than anything in the world.”

And it did. The last words weren’t as powerful as they should have been, because Hyunjin’s voice
cracked again and then broke, along with the grip he had on his emotions. One second his eyes
were red and the next his face was soaked, he was sobbing uncontrollably, keeping his mouth
away from the microphone.
Why? Why did he have to leave him? What was he supposed to do now when even breathing, even
living felt painful without him? Was he supposed to move on and continue his life? Because that
was never going to happen. There was no moving on. There was no life without Felix. He could
survive, sure. He could roam around, performing his tasks and duty like a zombie, with no passion,
no enthusiasm, no desire. But he couldn’t live. Not anymore.

He needed him. He needed Felix so bad. He needed him like he needed air, water, food. He needed
him even more than any of that. So why? Why did he say the words? Why did he scare him away?
Hyunjin ruined his own life, he was the only one to blame, he was the only culprit, the only reason
why not only him, but everyone, was suffering. He was the worst person. More worthless than a
piece of trash on the sidewalk, like his mother used to say. And finally, after years of hating her
and trying to forget all the nasty comments she made, all the things she put him through, all the
ideas she implanted in his mind.. He finally realized.. She had been right all along. His mother had
seen what he refused to see in himself.. What a bad person he was. A person that would bring
sadness and misfortune to everyone he loved. If only he had listened to her all along..

The other boys finished the song without Hyunjin hearing any of it. And once the last few notes
echoed in the room, the whole place fell silent. Hyunjin was still sobbing. And all of them were
crying, without exception. Chan and Minho were both trying to wipe the tears away as fast as they
appeared, wanting to play their part, the two oldest, the two strongest. Changbin was patting
Hyunjin’s shoulder, a single tear rolling on his cheek, reaching his chin and falling to the floor.
Jeongin was hiding his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Seungmin was quietly crying, his
hands now caressing Jeongin’s hair, whispering soothing words to him. Jisung was stroking
Minho’s arm, his tears freely falling on his cheeks, uncaring as to whether or not people saw it,
way too focused on calming Minho instead.

The audience was dead silent for a couple of seconds. It would’ve been nerve-wracking if the
boys’ minds weren’t already elsewhere entirely. They all knew they had made a spectacle of
themselves, crying like that on stage. But after one more second, the crowd erupted in loud
applause, everyone getting up from their chairs, some people even whistling or cheering loudly
from the back. People loved them. And none of them could feel even remotely happy or proud
about it. As people were chanting their names for the first time ever, like they always dreamed of,
one single thought resided in all their heads.

Felix should have been there.

 Nothing
Chapter Notes

Once again.. SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG. I bet y'all are really sick of reading
that apology every single chapters nowadays. I know, I know. And I don't blame those
who stopped coming around cause I would be hella annoyed too if the stories I try to
read take 3 weeks to upload a new chapter every time.. I will try my best, once again,
to speed things up from now on. I promise so.. bear with me~ ♥

On a brighter note: HYUNJIN IS BACK WHAT! ♥

Everything went really fast after Felix left the house. They took a plane back to Australia the exact
same night. Clearly his parents hadn’t even imagined that Felix could even say no or refuse to
follow them, because their three tickets were booked for a flight leaving only 2 hours after they
dragged him out of the house. Not crying during the 17 hours flight had been the hard part. He let
out a few tears once both his parents fell asleep in their seats but, honestly, his brain and heart were
still numb from the whole thing. It was like his body didn’t fully realize yet that this was reality,
like even his subconscious was waiting for him to wake up, any seconds, and find himself in the
warmth of Hyunjin’s arms. Like this was nothing more than one of the many nightmares he
recently had and that this would all go away as soon as Hyunjin would press his soft lips right
between Felix’s knitted brows. But deep down he knew this wasn’t the case. This was a nightmare
alright. But not the kind he would ever wake up from.

The house hadn’t changed one bit, and despite how big and spacious it was, it still very much felt
like a prison to Felix. Even more so than before. As soon as he stepped foot inside after their flight,
he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Maybe it was a dramatic reaction, maybe it was just his mind
playing tricks on him but for a few seconds, he swore he couldn’t take a single breath of air in his
lungs. His heart felt so heavy. He had never hurt quite this bad before. He had always felt trapped
in this house but somehow it felt different this time around.. It reminded him of the first few weeks
after Chris left Australia, when he was completely alone with his parents without his usual escape,
for the first time in years. But even that couldn’t compare. Was that because now he knew what it
was to live free, to live happy? Because he knew what he was missing.. Who he was missing?

The next few days had been a complete blur for Felix. This numbness he had felt during the flight,
that he expected to subside and transform into fits of tears and heartache after a few hours.. Hadn’t
stopped. His parents had taken his phone and laptop the same night they arrived at the house,
probably making sure he wasn’t going to contact Chris or anyone else. Of course it was a futile
effort on their part. The threat his father made was enough. Felix would never endanger the dream
of his bandmates and so he would never, ever contact them, ever again. Because that was what it
took for them to be happy. Because he was more than willing to sacrifice himself and his own
happiness, trading it for their own. Standing there in the middle of the big living room, being
stripped from his devices before being shoved straight into his sad, depressing, old room, filled
with darkness and bittersweet memories, he expected the hold he had on his emotions to finally
break. He expected to cry, he expected to fall on his knees, doubled over in pain from the
heartbreak. Instead he felt.. nothing.
His mother had dragged him into the bathroom the next morning, splattered some dye on his head,
the color of his natural hair, muttering things under her breath about them not tolerating his
rebelliousness anymore. About how he was now strictly forbidden to bleach his hair blond like he
had been doing for years, let alone dye them pink like they were when his parents found him. She
had harshly shoved his head in the tub to rinse off the product and then simply left the room as
quickly as she entered it, now that the deed was done. Leaving Felix alone, facing the mirror,
unable to even recognize himself with that hair color that he hadn’t seen since he was a young
teenager. He should’ve felt weirded out by it, should’ve been angry at his mom, should’ve been
hurting from the situation. But he felt.. nothing.

It had taken a grand total of three days for Felix’s father to get him a spot back into law school.
Felix had always known his father would make it possible, despite how prestigious the school was
but he didn’t think it would go quite that fast. He was already expected to be in class after the
week-end was over, two days later. And during those two days, every time either his father or his
mother opened their mouths, it was to lecture him, reminding him how he should act, telling him to
remember what would happen if he tried in any way to sully their family name again. All the
while, Felix sat there. His eyes were glossing over everything, never really seeing anything. He
could hear the words, answering “yes” and “I understand” at all the right moments, but he was
completely disconnected from what was actually going on around him. Not even the smug smile on
his father’s face, watching him be obedient and comply with everything he was saying and asking,
was enough to rile Felix up. Or to create any sort of a reaction, really. He hated that school, he
hated that house, he hated that family. So not only being here, with them and in that place was bad,
but being enrolled and stuck in school again, where all those expectations he had fled would be
thrust back upon him.. He could’ve been scared, could’ve been furious out of his mind. He
could’ve been broken inside, thinking about the fact that, by now, the boys knew he was gone,
wondering what they thought of him for leaving. Wondering if Hyunjin hated him already. He
could have. But the only thing he felt was.. nothing.

The first day back to school felt like he had never left. Most of his classmates barely gave him any
attention, just like it was before, just like he wasn’t back after months away. And after the first few
hours of going through the motion, of listening to boring lectures and being surrounded by semi-
strangers, Felix started to wonder if everything that had happened those past few months had been
nothing but a wonderful dream, a fantasy his mind has created in some twisted way to cope with
his unfulfilling daily life. Because even though the memories were all there, very vivid in his mind,
every second of it replaying on loop, his heart still felt numb to it and the world around him seemed
to have frozen in time while he was away, continuing its course only once he was back. Nothing
had changed, nothing felt different and nobody was even addressing the fact that he had been away
at all. But as with everything else those past few days, Felix simply rolled with it, head down, eyes
and mind unfocused, his heart seemingly nowhere to be found, left with the rest of his stuff in the
bedroom he once shared with his love. With the only man who once and forever will own said
beating heart.

Only once lunch hour rang did Felix remember how much he had always hated eating in the
crowded cafeteria. Seeing all the people rush through the doors to go get their pitiful excuse for a
meal, Felix thought it was a good thing he wasn’t hungry today. He hadn’t been hungry since he
jumped on that plane, had barely eaten anything, other than a few crumbs here and there to keep up
the facade with his parents. So instead of joining the crowd, he wandered around for a while, still
remembering the campus layout from his days before he dropped everything to find Christopher.
He wasn’t sure where he was going, his mind had checked out a long time ago and he was just
moving his body to busy himself until lunch hour was over. Still he shouldn’t have been surprised
when he realized where his feet had taken him.
The auditorium, where a grand piano resided. Always empty of any student unless a meeting was
scheduled or the drama class was rehearsing. What a cruel joke his own body, his own mind was
playing on him to lead him to the only place, in all of campus, that he knew he shouldn’t be in.
Because even piano, which was the only instrument his parents had ever allowed him to play since
it was sophisticated enough for their taste and looked good on paper, had been forbidden to him
since he came back. And even without the interdiction coming from his parents, Felix simply
could not run his fingers on the black and ivory keys of the piano proudly standing in the family’s
living room. He couldn’t even look at it, feeling physically sick each time his eyes glossed over it,
memories of him and Hyunjin sitting in front of a keyboard in the basement assaulting his mind
every time. He still hadn’t cried about it all, hadn’t been able to, his chest too numb to allow him to
feel just about anything. But despite that, the sight of that piano and the memories tied to it, were
still too hard to bear.

He should’ve left right away, turned around and closed the doors behind him. There was nothing
there for him anyway, not anymore. But for some odd reason, his feet stayed on course, leading
him slowly through the rows of cushioned chairs, up the little wooden stairs, on the stage and to
the far corner, draped in darkness, where the piano was standing, silent and waiting to be played.
He sat on the bench, unsure why he was even here and stared at the duochromatic keys in front of
him. Seconds could’ve passed. Minutes, or hours. And Felix was still simply staring, unmoving,
the only thing left on his mind were the keys taunting him. Much like his feet did, his hand slowly
lifted, seemingly out of its own volition, until the very tip of his fingers brushed the keys. Felix
didn’t even realize he was holding his breath, waiting for the sound of a melody to come out of the
instrument the exact second his fingers would finally hit the ivory. But when they did,a single key
was pressed by his index finger, a single note echoed in the empty room, a single sound
reverberated around him. And it was enough for the dam to finally break.

He had no idea how long he stayed there, crying. His cheeks were streaked with tears, drops falling
and staining his crisp shirt, snot was running down his nose and he didn’t bother to wipe any of it
away with his shaky hands. His heart, that he thought absent from his chest, was hammering so
loud it was ringing in his ears, becoming the only sound he seemed to be able to hear. The hurt in
his chest, in his soul, was so powerful, so profound that it physically took his breath away.
Heaving every couple of seconds when his body remembered he needed to bring air into his lungs
to survive, he was otherwise motionless, his eyes staring at the keys, his shoulders and hands badly
shaking and loud sobs and ragged breaths escaping his lips every now and again, echoing in the
large empty space he had found refuge in.

All those memories that hadn’t left him, that he had played in his head over and over again in the
last few days without being able to feel the weight of them, were now invading his mind, flashing
behind his eyes. Every single laugh, every single song, every single word. Every single time that
Chan had hugged him, that Changin fought with him to pay for lunch, that Minho had offered a
smile behind his unbothered facade, that Jisung had laughed so loud it echoed in the whole house,
that Seungmin had brought a warm meal to him when he was exhausted from rehearsal, that
Jeongin sat next to him proudly waving around his new toys and gadgets. Every single time
Hyunjin had said his name, his voice low and angelic close to his ear.

It was all there, hurting more and more every second, threatening to break him for good. Because
even though he had known it all along, it was only now hitting him in full force. There was no one
else. And there would never be. Once, there had been Chan, Minho, Changbin, Jisung, Seungmin
and Jeongin. And most of all, there had been Hyunjin. His soft, sweet, perfect Hyunjin. Broken like
him but still so full of love and light, still ready to open his arms and his heart to Felix, to let him
in. And now that they weren’t there anymore, now that he wasn’t there.. There would be nobody
else for him. Not today, not ever. Because he had finally found his place, he had found his family
and maybe even the love of his life. And he had lost them all, for good, losing a huge part of
himself in the process, one that he would never be able to get back. Because that part of him, his
heart, his passion, his dreams and his love.. It all belonged to them now and even though he left,
even though he had to stay away for their own good, it would always belong to them and them
only. They were to ones who offered him a chance to let his passion explode, to hang on to his
dreams. They were the ones who taught him that love was real and that he was worth receiving it.
They were the ones who gave back to him his own sense of self. And all those gifts they had
offered him, he left them there, giving them back to their rightful owners, while he was left with
the empty shell he had been before meeting them, and more pain than he ever thought his body
could even handle.

In a way, he knew he was to blame. His parents were the reason he left but at the very core of it,
Felix had always known all of that, the life he had started to build there, the love he had been
showered with, the opportunities he had been offered, it was all too good to be true. Too generous
for someone like him, so undeserving of all of it. He knew that they were all far better people than
he could ever be, more talented, more loving, more passionate and simply stronger altogether. He
knew they were a family even before he showed up and that he had never been good enough for
them. They had made him feel like he was, made him believe that he was. Had offered him a place
in their family, offered him love and shared their dreams and their life with him. They had made
him belong, because that was the kind of wonderful people they were. But, at the end of the day,
the truth of the matter was that he was not good enough, he was not deserving. And the worst of all
of it, was that despite all they did for him, he had probably hurt them more than he cared to
imagine by leaving, even if he did it for the right reasons, even if it was the only choice. And that
was maybe the one thing in his life he would never forgive himself for. He had hurt them and for
that it was only fitting that he would go through all the pain, all the hurt, all the heartbreak he was
experiencing now and then some. That, at least, he deserved.

His sobs, his breathing, the sound of his heart shattering on repeat in his chest. It was all so loud
that Felix never heard the door to the auditorium open or the sound of tentative footsteps, as
someone walked inside, taking the same path through the chairs and up the stage that he had taken
himself a few moments before. His vision was so blurry because of the tears, the redness of his
eyes and the memories he was lost in, that he never saw the figure walk up to the piano, watch him
for a few seconds with worry but curiosity, standing beside him, wondering what the best course of
action was in this situation. Felix was completely unaware of anything happening around him, lost
in his immeasurable pain, images of Hyunjin flooding his mind.

Hyunjin holding pizza boxes the very first time they met, the way he had tilted his head in curiosity
at the unknown sight of Felix. Hyunjin asleep on the ground of the living room, muttering
incomprehensible words as Felix pulled a blanket over him. Hyunjin dancing with so much grace,
fluidity and sensuality, so much passion that it had blinded Felix. Hyunjin eating his brownies like
it was the most delicious thing in the world. Hyunjin running his hand on Felix’s skin when they
shared a bed for the first time. Hyunjin pressing him against the wall as he kissed him, lifting him
off the ground. Hyunjin laying his head on his lap while Felix ran his fingers gently through his
hair. Hyunjin’s rough voice but soft hands as they finally became one. Hyunjin telling him he
loved him. Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. That was all he could see, all he could hear, all he could
think about. Until a hand landed on his shaking shoulder and a voice echoed behind him, piercing
through the cacophony of his heart.

“Felix.. Are you okay?”

 Just Felix

Felix almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice booming behind him in the seeming
silence of the room, previously only filled with his hiccups and sobs. His head snapped towards the
intruder, a guilty look in his eyes, his whole body tense from being discovered doing something he
shouldn’t have been doing. He quickly relaxed at the sight of the person behind him, his shoulders
sagging. It wasn’t like his father would’ve been around the school just in case Felix broke his rules,
but still that was the first thing that had jumped in Felix’s jumbled mind when heheard his name
being called. After all, he had barely talked to anybody and nobody tried to talk to him either,
outside from his parents, since he had been back.

But of course, it wasn’t his father. Nor was it his mother. And suddenly he felt foolish and
incredibly embarrassed as he promptly wiped the tears from his soaked cheeks with the back of his
hands, his face and ears turning slightly pink from the embarrassment. The most embarrassing
thing wasn’t that he thought his father could have been spying on him however. What made Felix
feel foolish the most was that, when he turned around, he had hoped so badly to see those long
black hair, that tiny mole, those perfect lips and that head, slightly tilted to the side, that was
haunting his dreams and his every waking moments. That was the stupidest thought of them all.
And still his heart had jumped, for half a second, at the idea that maybe.. maybe it would be him.
Maybe he had found him by some miracle and came to take him back, take him home. But it
wasn’t him, he wasn’t there and he would never come. And only when that realization sunk in,
breaking his heart just a tiny bit more, did Felix finally look back up again at the person who had
interrupted his long overdue breakdown.

“Are you okay..?” the voice asked again with gentle concern.

“I’m..” Felix cleared his throat before nodding with a little frown, his head hurting. “I’m fine.. uh..”
he frowned deeper, trying to remember the name of the person he was facing and feeling foolish
for being unable to come up with it.

“It’s Isla.” the girl offered with a bright smile, tilting her head to the side in a motion so reminiscent
that it tugged at Felix’s heart. “Isla Moore? We have Advanced Criminal Law and Social Justice
together?” she continued, with a friendly tone, not seeming offended that he forgot who she was
altogether.

Truth was, Felix had never taken much of an interest in any of his classmates. He had shared a few
meals and conversations with some of them, had to work on team projects here and there, but for
the most part he had kept to himself. People in this school were very different from Chan, Hyunjin
and the others. Very different from Felix and the kind of people he wanted to have in his life. His
father hoped he would bond with some of his higher-class classmates, to forge even better
connections for the family, of course. But even though he could force Felix to attend this school
and get his degree, his father couldn’t go as far as monitoring every conversation he had or didn’t
have during class hours, and so Felix didn’t feel the need to fulfill that expectation, knowing he
already had many more burdening him. That was the reason why he left in the first place, after all.
The expectations.

Isla’s face did seem hazily familiar to him however. He could vaguely remember her sitting in
class before he left and since he returned as well. He didn’t remember ever having any kind of
contact or conversation with her before this day however. But out of politeness, he nodded.

“Right.. Sorry..” he slightly shook his head, forcing the shadow of a smile on his lips.
“That’s okay!” she chuckled brightly. “I’m kind of a loner.. So are you.” she then shrugged with a
smile, quickly morphing into a curious pout “Can I.. ask why you were crying?”

The girl was way too chipper and energetic for Felix to handle in the state he was in. Or ever,
really, given what he was going through. Happiness was something that seemed painful at this
point, and even seeing it on other people made him sick to his stomach with jealousy, envy and,
most of all, heartbreak at the memory that this happiness was once his. Felix was always polite,
always cordial and friendly, but he didn’t know this girl and most importantly he didn’t want to
discuss what was going on, not with a stranger, not with anyone.

“I’m sorry, did you come here for something?” he asked, switching the attention away from
himself. “Did you want to play? I’m sorry, it’s all yours..” he then pointed at the piano, assuming
the only reason why someone would be in the empty auditorium would be for the instrument in
front of him.

“No actually I..” she said as Felix was starting to get up from the little stool, stopping him in his
tracks. Her cheeks turned slightly red and she looked away for a second. “I saw you come in and I
was.. kinda hoping to talk to you..” she shrugged, looking clearly less sure of herself than she had
been a second before.

“To.. me?” he frowned, confused.

“Yeah..” Isla nodded, her eyes finally drifting back to him and her chipper attitude, as well as her
smile, back in a flash. “But clearly it’s not the right time.”

“I’m..” Felix frowned, he was going to say he was confused but that much was clear, so he simply
looked at her with a questioning look. “What for..?”

In front of his eyes, Isla started to shift on her feet, nervously tucking a strand of her long blond hair
behind her ear while chewing on her bottom lip for a few seconds. Now that she was here, it was
clear that she was debating whether she wanted to say what she initially had in mind or not, which
made Felix all the more confused but also somewhat apprehensive. What could be so big, so wrong
that she felt nervous about telling him? It made no sense that she would seek him out, of all people,
in the first place. But the fact that she acted so nervous now that it was actually time to speak to
him made him anxious as well. He had no idea what was even going on anymore and all he wanted
was to crawl in a hole and cry about his loss, not stay there with a mysterious stranger.

“Well..” she took a breath before pointing at the stool waiting for Felix’s permission. He nodded
and scooted to the side, leaving space enough for her to sit next to him. “Truth is.. I’m a fan.” she
finally said, looking straight at him.

“Of..?”

“Of you! Of your group!” Isla exclaimed. “I found you on Youtube maybe two or three months
ago.. I was really surprised when I saw that you were the guy from Social Justice class, not gonna
lie..” she then excitedly explained while Felix was staring at her, a little dumbfounded and unsure
if he understood her clearly or if his mind was simply too messed up by everything and was now
inventing scenarios on its own. “Of course I don’t understand a word of it! But I really like your
music! So.. When I saw you back in class I.. wanted to say hi.” she shrugged, looking away for a
second before offering him one of her cheerfully bright smiles. “So.. Hi!” she waved with a
chuckle.

“Uh.. Hi.. I’m not..” he stuttered, still a bit shocked but his heart was already starting to hurt and
the simple mention of the boys.
“I have to admit, I’m very surprised that you’re back. Fame versus Law school, that’s an easy pick
if you ask me. Did you have a falling out or..?” she cut him off, talking excitedly and quickly,
probably blurting everything that was on her mind until her eyes fell on Felix’s face again and she
stopped in her tracks. “Sorry..” she smiled shyly, a little flush on her cheeks. “I tend to get a little
too.. carried away. My mom says it’s what’s going to make me a great lawyer but honestly it gets
me in trouble more often than not.” she added with an amused chuckle, tucking her hair behind her
ear again.

“It’s fine.. “ Felix assured. “It’s just.. I wasn’t expecting anyone here to know about this and.. To
be honest, I don’t really want to talk about all that, if that’s okay with you?” he then added, his
voice low as he looked away. “I’m very touched by your compliments but.. It’s not.. part of my life
anymore.” He struggled to say the words aloud, despite it being the truth. Knowing it inside of
himself was one thing, but having to admit it to someone else made it all too real and instantly he
felt the familiar burning sensation in his eyes. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry again, not in front
of Isla. He looked pathetic enough as it was. “I know they are working very hard and would be so
happy to hear what you told me so.. I hope you keep supporting them. But.. It’s their dream, their
music, not mine..” he tried to continue explaining without breaking down, each sentence hurting
him a little more every second. Music was always his dream, way before he met Stray Kids. But
after meeting them, his dream had changed. Making music, dancing.. It wasn’t enough for him
anymore. Not without them. His dream was to make music with them, dance with them, live and
laugh with them. And despite what he said, despite what he should’ve wanted, despite what the
reality was.. This was still very much his dream. An impossible, unattainable and painful dream.
“So.. “ he looked down at the black and ivory keys, hating himself and the words that were about
to come out of his mouth. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t associate me with all that anymore.. I’m
just.. Felix.”

He could feel her eyes on him but he refused to look her way, to see the disappointment that was
probably written all over her face. Felix was hurting so profoundly, not only from the situation but
from the things he had said.. Those words were the most disgusting he had ever spoken. It made it
sound like he was trying to erase that he was ever a part of Stray Kids, trying to act like the whole
thing was just funs and games for a few months, a vacation from the real world that he was totally
and completely done with and ready to forget now that he was back where he belonged. All a
complete lie. He would never forget, never be able to, no matter how much easier it would be if he
could. They were his family and, no matter what, no matter distance and obstacles and life getting
in the way, family was forever. He would never be able to be with them anymore, wouldn’t be
able to talk to them, sing with them or bake them cookies. But still they would always and forever,
deep down in his heart and soul, be his family. Being associated with them, in any way shape or
form, was the greatest of compliments and still he asked Isla to treat him like his own person, to
not mention the group around him.. Because he knew it would be easier this way, that this way he
wouldn’t have yet another reminder of what he was missing. He didn’t need it, he knew all too
well, his heart and body aching from the loss of his brothers, of his dream, of his future.. Of his
only love.

“Oh..” he heard her say next to him. She stayed silent for a second and suddenly he felt a warm
hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look up at her. “No problem.. Just Felix!” she winked, offering
one of those cheeky smiles he was already associating to her.

Felix was somewhat surprised by her reaction. In a way, he was expecting her to be disappointed,
maybe to say something rash or simply to leave the room without another glance at him. Felix
never had fans before and it was still hard for him to call anyone that. He never felt like he
deserved something like this and even more so now that he was a nobody again, that he wasn’t part
of anything grandiose and worthwhile anymore. But from what he had painted in his mind, he
almost thought Isla had accosted him because of the group, thinking that maybe through him she
could speak with another member, meet her favorite and get some kind of VIP pass from being his
friend. And so, by telling her he wasn’t a part of the group anymore, he was expecting her to lose
interest now that he wasn’t any use to her any longer. Instead she simply accepted his words and
smiled. That was.. somewhat a nice feeling. At the very least it was reassuring Felix that, other
than the boys, there were still a few decent human beings, even in this ratched school.

“Thank you..” he sighed, somewhat relieved, offering a small smile. It was a genuine one and
maybe the first he actually gave her since she accosted him, but nevertheless his heart wasn’t in it
and he couldn’t give more than that. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to smile as fully and
naturally as he used to anymore. Not sure he could ever give more than a tiny smile when the
situation called for it or feel more than a vague sense of contentment or gratitude for a split second
here and there. But that was his life now, bound to be just a shadow of the man he once was, and
there was nothing he could do about it.

She simply nodded, her smile unfaltering, acknowledging his thanks and not answering it. He had
asked her to treat him like a nobody, like “just Felix” and not to bring the group into it and it
seemed like she was more than willing to stick to that, understanding that it was an uncomfortable
situation for him. For that, he was grateful at least.

“Anyway..” she finally said, getting up from the stool, Felix’s eyes following her. She gave him a
small pat on the shoulder. “Break is almost over, gotta rush to class. You should do the same!” she
pointed out, grabbing her bag that she had left next to the piano before accosting Felix and walking
away from the instrument and from him. Before she climbed down the stairs leading from the stage
to the rest of the room, she turned around, still with that smile of hers. “See you later!” she waved
and without waiting for a reply, she made her way to the big doors, leaving the auditorium and a
confused Felix behind her.

That day when he finished his classes and went back to his parents’ house, Felix catalogued the
event of the day as an isolated incident. Confusing and definitely unexpected, but something that
wouldn’t happen again. The next day he would go back to his life of perfect anonymity and, now
that he wasn’t ‘Felix from Stray Kids’ anymore, Isla would go back to ignoring him like she had
done for months before he even left the school and Australia behind. At least that was what he had
anticipated.

Isla seemed to have seen things very differently than Felix did, because the next day, bright and
early, before he even got to his first class, she came to greet him, chatting with him like they had
been friends for years, sitting next to him in their shared classes, sharing notes and inviting him for
lunch at the cafeteria. Felix did not have the brain power required to follow along with that girl’s
thought process. He didn’t understand what was going through her mind and how she interpreted
their little exchange the day before, and honestly he didn’t care much to find out. She was nice
enough but he was emotionally and mentally unavailable, every waking moment spent thinking and
reminiscing about the life he had left behind. Still he didn’t want to be rude and she was pleasant
enough to be around, never asking him to entertain her and making most of the conversation by
herself so, just for that day, he simply decided to go with the flow. And for the day after that. And
the next.

Before he knew it, weeks had passed and Isla was still there. She became a constant in his life,
someone he could almost call a friend, someone he spent all his breaks and lunch hours with, the
only person he sat next to in class and with whom he accepted to make small talk, when she was
bored of talking to herself. Inevitably, during those weeks, there were a few times where Isla
carelessly brought up the group, videos they had posted, news about them going around online or
pictures she had saved as her wallpaper and couldn’t stop gushing about. But each time Felix had
shut her down immediately, she had apologized and moved on from it like nothing happened. Felix
didn’t want to hear anything about it, didn’t want to see pictures or watch videos, didn’t want to
hear their voices and see their faces. He didn’t want to because he was dying to, as paradoxical as
that was. Because no matter how much he wanted to see them, hear them, he knew it would only
hurt more. He knew that seeing that they were moving on, without him, while he was still stuck
here alone and missing them, would only make it harder for him on a daily basis. He wasn’t going
to forget them, he wasn’t going to stop missing them but he had to accept, at some point, that there
was no going back for him, that they weren’t part of his life any longer, just like he wasn’t part of
theirs either. So everytime she brought up the subject, Felix's answer was swift and cold.
Fortunately she seemed to understand, or at least accept, never making a fuss about it. Most of the
time, she was simply talking about everything and anything, being as bubbly, cheerful and excited
as she was the very first time he had met her in the auditorium.

This didn’t change anything. Felix wasn’t happier, he was still spending his nights in tears, only
falling asleep once his body couldn’t function anymore and waking up with eyes dry and puffy. He
was still daydreaming about the studio, about baking brownies, about the boys arguing over which
DVD to put on, about Hyunjin.. Everyday he had that crazy thought that maybe, just maybe, if he
closed his eyes hard enough, he would be back in bed with him, wrapped in his arms and his
warmth, when he opened them back up. But it never worked, obviously. And it hurt every day just
as much as the last, no matter how much time passed. Nevertheless, Isla was a good distraction.
She couldn’t stop the hurt, couldn’t even lessen it or do anything to stop the thoughts and images
from invading his head at every moment of the day, breaking his heart in tiny pieces over and over
again. But, at the very least, when he was in school, her loud and bubbly attitude gave him
something else to focus on, something other than how miserable he really was, than how much he
missed them. Missed him. And that was an improvement.

One Friday, after spending hours in boring classes and walking part of the way home with Isla,
who went on and on about some girl in her Children Law class supposedly flirting with the TA for
better grades, Felix wanted nothing more than to lock himself in his room, cry and pass out. It had
been a bad day. No matter how hard he tried not to, he had kept track of the days passing, looking
at the calendar every so often and he knew it was fast approaching. He knew that the first live
performance was this weekend, knew that he should’ve been there, knew that they were going to
finally realize their dreams and he wouldn’t even be able to be on the front lines for it. It was all he
could think about all day long, remembering all those nights they spent in the recording studio,
reminiscing about the countless choreographies Minho, Hyunjin and him had worked on and
wondering over and over again which song they would perform. His sick and twisted brain
constantly asking him if they were going to miss him once they were up there, on stage until he had
to remind himself that they had been a group far before he came along and would still be one far
after he left. So yes, it had been a bad day, he was emotionally drained from holding back his tears
and needed some peace and quiet so he could finally break down, just like he had done every
single day since he came back.

But when he walked up the stairs to the front door, he could hear his parents’ voices echoing in the
entrance. Usually the house was dead silent, his father working in his office while his mother
would be out with friends or working on dinner. So hearing the sound of their voices at this time of
day was peculiar. What more, they actually sounded jovial and somewhat happy which, honestly,
was the first time Felix had heard them sounding anything other than smug, angry or frustrated
since he had set foot in that house again. He wasn’t sure if he liked that shift in tone and more than
that he wasn’t sure what was waiting for him behind the door that could cause it. So, with a frown,
he slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open until he could step foot in the entrance fully,
revealing not two, but three figures further in the room.

“Surprise!” his mother exclaimed with a high pitched voice that always had Felix wincing,
clapping in her hands excitedly.

The surprise wasn’t for Felix. Felix was the surprise. His father had an arm wrapped around the
shoulders of the small figure accompanying them and, given the expression on that person’s face, a
surprise it was indeed. Maybe not a good one, like his mother made it seem however. Felix, too,
was surprised by the new arrival, he had completely forgotten about it until this very second and
already he cringed internally knowing that no matter how well he could evade the subject with Isla,
this time around it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Uh.. Surprise..” he begrudgingly announced, waving his arms with very little enthusiasm, but still
offering a genuine small smile, happy for this reunion nonetheless after all this time.

“Felix.. What the fuck are you doing here!?” were the first word his sister, Olivia, shouted in his
direction.
 Hoping

A silence fell on the whole household for a second after Olivia’s question erupted in the air. His
little sister seemed surprised indeed, his father was throwing a look his way, seeming to silently
warn him not to say anything useless, his mother was frowning, unhappy because of the foul
language in her precious daughter’s mouth and Felix just stood there, looking at her, at a loss.
Because clearly he couldn't tell her, couldn't explain he didn’t want to be here, pour out his heart
about all he had lost because of their parents, all to save the boys’ future. He simply couldn’t break
down. Not only because of the pointed look on his father’s face but also because she was his little
sister, the baby of the family. He was supposed to protect her, be the strong one in their
relationship, not the other way around.

But Olivia’s shocked face really quickly morphed into happiness and excitement as she took the
few steps that separated them, giving him a quick hug before staring at him with a huge grin on her
face. She had never been this happy to see him, ever, before. And as soon as she opened her mouth
again, he understood why, this time around, she looked like she had won the lottery three times
over.

“Oh my god! Are you guys taking a break before you get all famous and stuff? Vacations with the
whole gang? Does that mean the prince is with you..?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows
exaggeratedly before making big eyes and hopping on the spot. “Christopher?!” she continued, her
pitch becoming noticeably higher at the mention of her forever crush.

The mere mention of them, spoken aloud for maybe the first time ever since he came back, hurt
like nothing else before, crushing Felix’s heart and soul with the power of a thousand hammers, all
crashing down at the same time. And it took everything he had left in him, every tiny shred of
inner strength, not to let his whole face drop, for his smile not to falter, for his eyes not to betray
how broken he was. Simply to stay in one piece in front of her, under the ever-judging gaze of his
father and the disgusted face his mother made when Chan’s name was mentioned.

“No..” he said softly, forcing a chuckle out of his throat, that sounded anything but natural. “It’s
just me.” he added with a shrug, trying to act like it was normal, like there was nothing weird about
that. Trying to act like it didn’t bother him at all. But when his shoulders dropped again, they
sagged a little more than necessary, pushed down by the weight of that statement. It was just him
now. “How are things at school?” he quickly asked when he felt his eyes burning, not only to
distract himself, but to distract her as well, when he noticed the frown on her face, knowing she
was about to ask for the details he couldn’t give her, the details he refused to give her.

“Oh.. Uh.. Fine?” his sister blurted, clearly confused about the situation now.

“That’s great, that’s great.. Tell me all about it at dinner, alright? I have tons of.. studying to do.”
Felix quickly said, trying to offer a genuine smile and not to seem rushed as he gave his sister a pat
on the shoulder and left the room with all of them behind him, going as quickly as he could without
actually sprinting, to lock himself in his room before being submerged under all his emotions.

Felix didn’t go to dinner that night. When his mother called repeatedly for him, he lied, feigning
that he had an important test coming the following week and that alone was enough for her to leave
him be. After all, it was no surprise to Felix that his school achievements were more important to
his parents than his physical health or how many meals he could skip a day. For all they cared he
could fast for weeks on end if it meant achieving excellence. It was toxic and just one of the many
things on the long list of reasons Felix had to hate his parents, but on that specific day, that thing he
hated so much became his best asset.

He didn’t study of course. How could he when all the things he was already struggling with
seemed to resurface in his brain, more powerful than ever, as if his sister’s pressing questions had
had the same effect as kicking the bee’s nest trapped inside his head. Even only hearing
Christopher’s name, hearing her mention so openly and joyously Hyunjin, had struck and severed a
cord so deep in his soul that he knew for a fact, once again, that there would be no undoing the
damages. So no, he didn’t study, instead sitting on the floor, his back against the wooden door,
eyes closed. Tears were flooding his cheeks, but he was so used to the feeling now that he didn’t
register it anymore, didn’t try to wipe them away as they rolled down his cheekbones, tracing an
invisible path on his smooth skin, finding their way to the point of his chin before crashing down
on his knees, that he had pressed so tightly around his chest, unconsciously making himself as
small as he could. As small as he felt. Small and insignificant.

He could’ve been there for seconds, minutes or hours, eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep on
the hard ground, his forehead pressed on his knee, the fabric of his jeans feeling damp from the
tears against his skin. His sleeping moments were as painful, if not more, as his waking ones.
Images of his friends, his second family, flooding every single second of it. He knew all too well
the patterns his dreams followed nowadays.

Always, they started bright, jovial, happy. Always, the atmosphere was light and he felt at peace, at
home. Always, things seemed mundane and normal. Sometimes it was Minho, bickering with
Jisung, asking him to run to the coffee shop before it closed, just to annoy him in that special way
of his, only leaving his poor lover alone once Felix himself dropped a steaming mug of coffee in
front of him. Sometimes it was Changbin down in the studio, producing and offering his brightest
smile to Felix when he appeared down the steps with a plate of warm cookies, worried that the
older would follow Chan’s example, pulling an all-nighter without any food in his system.
Sometimes it was Seungmin, with that loving, motherly expression on his face, pestering Jeongin
to go outside and take some sunlight after the youngest had spent 3 days glued to his screen
working on whatever new project he came up with. Often it was Chan. He would be there, arms
open, sometimes cuddling Felix from the back, as they watched a movie, sometimes hugging him
as they fell asleep after a night of playing video games together like they did as kids. Patting his
head proudly, offering him smiles. It was always how the dreams started.

Hyunjin.. Hyunjin refused to visit his dreams. Nights after nights, after nights. Dreams after
dreams, nightmares after nightmares. He was never there. And even though Felix knew the turn his
dreams took, even though he knew that things always went from happy to terrifying or heart
breaking before he could open his eyes once more, even though he knew how bad it would hurt to
be faced with Hyunjin’s disappointment, anger and disgust when his dreams turned to nightmares..
It seemed to hurt even more not being able to see him at all. And maybe that was why he was
never there. Maybe that was just one of the many way his twisted brain had found to torture him
just a little more every day. Or maybe his mind was just trying to protect him from the pain that
would inevitably come of it.

Because dreams never stayed dreams for long. The peaceful atmosphere, the feeling of belonging
and happiness, it never lasted. Because never once, since he came back, did any of his dreams
didn’t turn into nightmares before the night was over.

Minho would throw the coffee back in his face, spitting how useless Felix was, how much of a
burden he was to the whole household, to the whole group and especially to Chan himself, Jisung
nodding every step of the way. Changbin would laugh in his face, reminding him how little talent
he had, saying over and over again than no amount of producing and autotune could salvage the
tracks he had recorded and that Felix was only good at ruining all of their songs. Seungmin would
look disgusted as he peered down at Felix, telling him he was nothing but a child, unable to do or
to be anything by himself, always using and abusing Chan’s generosity and kind heart, as Jeongin
laughed, asking him when he was planning on finding a job to pay rent instead of freeloading at
their expense like a leech. And there was Chan. He was the worst of them all. He didn’t scream,
didn’t laugh, didn’t spit harmful words to belittle Felix. In fact, he never once said a word. All he
did was look at Felix, disappointment crystal clear on his features. And then he would turn his
back on him, and walk away, leaving Felix shattered and paralyzed behind him.

When, after what seemed like painfully long hours, Felix heard footsteps coming up the stairs, he
finally opened his eyes again, reluctantly, for the first time since he had barricaded himself in his
room. As always, when the light of the room hit his pupils, he wished for just one tiny second, that
he would never have to open his eyes again. Because no matter how dark and painful his thoughts
were, no matter how messed up his brain was, the truth that transpired in the light of day, when his
eyes were wide open, was way worse. He had had nightmares for a good portion of his life and he
was used to his brain hating him, to his thoughts betraying him and playing with his emotions in
his sleep. But when his eyes were open, when he could look around a room and see things clearly
for what they really were, he couldn’t pretend anymore that everything was just a bad dream he
could shake off. Being here, being alone, without them, without him. That was his reality now.
And that was scarier than any nightmares.

With a silent sigh, Felix leaned against the door, pressing the back of his head against the wood.
The steps were light as they climbed the stairs and instead of walking away, the sound fading until
whoever was outside reached another room, it just came closer and closer, only stopping when
they reached Felix’s door. Silence engulfed the space for a second whilst whoever was behind the
door hesitated. Felix hoped they would turn around and leave, but then again it had been a long
time since luck had been on his side. So he wasn’t surprised when a knock resonated against his
door. Still his body jumped the slightest bit at the sound, so used to drowning in complete silence
lately.

It wasn’t the powerful knocks of his father, that usually rattled the door, as if the man was forever
unable to decide if he wanted to knock politely or break down the door without mercy. It wasn’t
the three quick and short knocks his mother would usually give, more out of habit than actual
politeness, before bursting in the room without waiting for an answer. The sound against the door
was soft, hesitant almost.

One knock. Pause. Two knocks. Pause. One knock.

Olivia.

Felix was all too aware that his baby sister was standing behind the door, her hand pressed against
the wood, staring at it like her glare would make it magically open, waiting for any sign Felix was
ready to give her. Because as much as Olivia liked to pretend her and Felix weren’t close, they
were. They always fought a lot when they were younger, but there was a special bond that formed
from sharing the type of parents they had. Olivia never faced the same kind of struggles Felix had
but, in a way, she had always empathized with him. And, in her own way, she had always tried to
care and be there for him, all the while trying to keep up this facade of the teenager, too cool to
hang out with her boring brother. So he knew Olivia, contrary to their parents, was probably
genuinely worried for him. But he also knew that she was dying to get an explanation, to get
answers to all those burning questions she had. Why was he back? What happened in Korea? Did
he have a falling out with Chris? She would ask them all, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself. And
he couldn’t answer her. Trying to ignore the situation had worked well enough with Isla and even
though it didn’t make Felix hurt less, it didn’t make him hurt more either. But he couldn’t do the
same thing with his sister, and for that reason he was absolutely terrified to face her.

One knock. Pause. Two knocks. Pause. One knock.

He looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers, holding his breath hoping he would hear her
soft footsteps fade as she walked away from the door, cursing her big brother under her breath for
ignoring her. But she didn’t. Instead he heard her hand softly slide down the wood of his door. He
couldn’t see her as she crouched down, her hands pressed against the door, now being at his level,
only the piece of wood separating them, but he knew, and he felt a tinge of guilt squeeze his heart.

“Felix..?” her voice, tentative and soft, sipped under the door. “Felix.. Talk to me?.. Please?” she
asked, leaving each sentence hanging in the air for a few seconds, hoping Felix’s voice would
answer her.

Even through the door, even with those few words he could sense she was being genuine, worried,
that she wanted to be there for her big brother, because she knew better than most what it had
meant for him to be in Korea, with Chan, with the band. She had seen him on facetime, heard him
on calls, she had listened to him laugh with the others, watched him smile, heard him play the
piano and sing again for the first time in years. She had seen him genuinely, unconditionally
happy, for maybe the first time in her life. So maybe she didn’t know exactly how broken, how
shattered, how beyond repair and beyond saving he was, because she had no idea what happened.
But nevertheless, she knew he wasn’t okay, and it probably hurt her too.

But Felix simply couldn’t open his mouth. He couldn’t get up, open the door and face those shiny,
curious, kind eyes of hers. He couldn’t handle the pain of the warm and reassuring embrace she
would try to give him, couldn’t handle the way she would talk and talk about anything and
everything waiting for the moment he would be ready to open up about the situation. He could not
listen to her questions, hear Chan or Hyunjin’s name escape her lips as she pressed him for
answers. So he closed his eyes, the back of his head pressed against the door, biting his lip a little
too harshly, hating himself just a little more for treating his own little sister this way.

The silence was deafening as Olivia, too, pressed her forehead against the door, eyes closed,
waiting for an answer that would never come. Still she waited in silence for a while. Felix couldn’t
hear her move or breathe, but he had never heard her walk away either and that was the only sign
he had that, despite the silence, she was still there.

One knock. Pause. Two knocks. Pause. One knock.

Felix closed his eyes tighter, his chest hurting, tears watering the corner of his eyes once more and,
finally, after a long, excruciating minute of silence, he heard her grunt slightly as she got back up
and, a few seconds later, her footsteps faded away until he heard the distinctive sound of her
bedroom door opening and closing. Only then did he release a long shuddering breath, banging the
back of his head against the door, just once, cursing himself. Only then did he let the tears freely
run down his cheeks again.

~
Chan rubbed his eyes for what was probably the hundredth time in the last hour only. As always he
had planned to work for a bit after everyone went to bed, before going back to his own room for
some well deserved shut-eye. And, as always, the sun had come up and the others had started to
wake up and roam around the house before Chan even realized that he had once again spent the
night staring at his computer, not accomplishing much of anything. He could’ve decided to get
some rest once Seungmin entered the room, quickly followed by Minho, alerting him that hours
had passed, that the sun was up and that he had skipped yet another night of sleep. But once
morning had arrived, he didn’t really see a point in trying to sleep anymore anyways. There was
always work to be done when the kids were awake.

Now that it was early in the afternoon and that most of the others were busy or simply enjoying
some down-time, Chan was once more staring obstinately at his computer, at his own work,
getting frustrated that he couldn’t seem to focus.

Jisung and Jeoning went grocery shopping, Minho had left to run by the coffee shop, complaining
once more that Seungmin’s coffee was a sin to humanity itself. Changbin retreated in his room for
a nap after spending the last two nights putting the finishing touches to their latest project.
Seungmin was in the kitchen, tidying up, putting the clean dishes back in their places in the
cupboards. Hyunjin was silent, sitting at the living room’s table, scribbling on a piece of paper. He
had been drawing a lot lately, but none of them knew what he was always sketching, as he refused
to show any of it to anyone. He still didn’t speak much to any of them and when he did, Chan could
tell his heart was so rarely in it, but at least anything was better than the empty shell he had been
for the first few weeks, refusing to leave his room even to eat.

They had all found some semblance of normalcy again. It wasn’t enjoyable, it wasn’t comfortable
and none of them were truly happy or genuinely okay with the way their life had turned out even
after all those months, but it was.. better.

Of course Chan could still hear Hyunjin cry himself to sleep at night, when he passed by his door.
Sometimes he would catch Minho, in the morning, standing in the empty kitchen, a hint of hurt in
his eyes that he would immediately try to conceal the next second. He could feel how some of
Jisung’s jokes would fall flat, none of them feeling like it was appropriate to laugh so openly when
their family was not complete. More than once, he had found out that once in a while Seungmin
would take out the clothes that Felix left behind, just to put them in the laundry with the rest of
their stuff. Seungmin said it was so the clothes wouldn’t rot in that backpack, but Chan knew, deep
down, the younger man was doing it so, if ever came a day when Felix would come waltzing back
into their lives, he would have clean and fresh clothes to wear.

None of them had forgotten. They were still hurting, they were still grieving and they still felt
worried, angry, betrayed, each of them seeing things differently, each of them dealing with it in
their own ways. But life went on and so did they, as they learned to live with the pain and the loss
or, at least, to hide it better from the others.

It was probably the tenth time Chan re-read the same line in his lyrics without his brain being able
to assimilate them. He sighed loudly, rubbing his already red eyes and pinching the bridge of his
nose. Frustrated, exhausted and a little annoyed at himself, he let his head fall back against the
couch and the pillow that was propped behind his neck. He closed his heavy eye, swearing to
himself he would be right back to work in just a second. The house was so quiet. All he could hear
were the distant sounds of plates colliding in the kitchen as Seungmin piled them up in the
cupboards and the soothing sound of pen scratching paper as Hyunjin continued to focus on his
drawing like nothing else around existed. It was so peaceful, for once, that despite his best effort,
Chan could feel himself drifting more and more towards sleep.

Until a loud and familiar sound resonated into the room, shattering the peaceful silence. Until
Chan’s phone rang.

For a second, absolutely everything seemed to stop. Chan opened his eyes quickly, his body
moving before his mind could even react, to grab the device. The clattering sound of dishes
stopped. There was no pen scratching against paper anymore. It was complete, utter and tense
silence for just the tiniest second. Because even after all this time, a phone ringing brought with it
the smallest sliver of hope and expectancy. It was never Felix calling, most of them had come to
terms that it would probably never be Felix. And still.. Still every time the phone rang, everyone
went silent, even if for just a second, before they had to force their minds to remember the reality
of the situation.

Once that half of a second passed, Seungmin resumed his cleaning and Chan’s hand, around the
still ringing phone, relaxed as he pressed the ‘answer’ button, not checking caller ID beforehand,
knowing there was no point in doing it, other than to hurt himself some more. Hyunjin, however,
didn't resume his scribbling right away. He didn’t turn around, didn’t look in Chan’s direction with
hope in his eyes; For all intent and purposes he could’ve looked like he was unbothered, just
peering over his drawing, inspecting it in silence, oblivious to what Chan was even doing. But his
shoulders were tense, he was holding his breath, he was waiting. He was hoping. No matter how
much he didn’t want to, no matter how useless he knew it was, no matter how much he told
himself he didn’t care anymore, when the phone rang, he was always hoping.

Chan pressed the device to his ear, relaxing his head against the back of the couch once more, eyes
half-closed, mumbling a vague “hello?”, already ready to hear Jeongin and Jisung argue through
the phone about what type of rice they should buy or whether or not they still had milk at the
house. That wasn’t what was awaiting him on the other side of the line, however.

“It’s all your fault Chris!” the voice spat through the phone.
 It's Over
Chapter Notes

So.. Yeah, still alive, didn't forget this story existed, despite what the 2 months of
absence seem to show. I won't spent 500 words explaining my mental health and
family situation and all that jazz cause it seems like I'm doing this every chapter now
and honestly no matter how bad it gets it always feels like a cheap excuse for not
writing and updating when I promised you I would.

Anywho, I received some really nice, really heartwarming messages, be it in the

comments or through Twitter DMs about people reading In Need of Sunshine and
honestly, it means the World to me, you have no idea. I should be the one thanking
you all again and again because this story would be nothing without fantastic people
reading it and even though I don't show my appreciation with that shitty, spotty update
rate, I really am extremely, immensely grateful to you all for sticking around, liking
the story and more than that for all the wonderful messages you leave to me, no matter
if I think I deserve all that or not!

I'm also sorry I haven't been answering comments at all for the past few months. I
read every single one and I LOVE responding but I simply haven't had time to and that
totally sucks, but I'll try to stay on top of that from now on because I miss it, to be
honest! So never stop leaving comments when you feel like it, because they definitely
don't go unnotice, that I can swear! And I really appreciate all the comments telling
me to put my health first and that you understand and don't blame me for being away
that long, I really do! But for the sake of you not having to repeat yourselves every
time and me not blaming myself even more every time, from now on let's forget that
my life is trash and focus on the good and the story and everything in between! And
with a little bit of luck and whole lot of motivation, maybe the next chapters will come
quicker too.. Maybe~

All that to say.. I made a extra.. EXTRA long chapter just to repent myself. It's not
nearly long enough to make up for more than 2 months without updated, but it's better
than a regular chapter all the same, right? Hope you like it either way and once again,
thank you SO MUCH for sticking around, for the support and for the love!~ ♥

“It’s all your fault Chris!”

Chan raised his eyebrows for half of a second before frowning, leaning forwards, confused. He
wasn’t expecting a call from this person today. Not that he wasn’t happy about it, he was always
happy to get news but clearly this specific call wasn’t a random, light checkup.

“Wow.. Hello to you too..” he said, his thick Australian accent filling up the room as he rubbed his
hand on his face before putting his elbow on his knee. His accent almost sounded weird even to his
own ear. Since Felix had left, he had very rarely spoken English aloud to anyone.

The change in language caught Hyunjin by surprise as well. As much as he wanted to make
everyone think he couldn’t be bothered anymore, that he was uninterested and that he wasn’t
waiting, every second of every day, for Felix to call or come back. As much as he wanted to play it
off like the ring of the phone didn’t have an effect on him, clearly it did. But usually, as soon as
Chan would open his mouth to answer whoever was on the other side, Hyunjin would have proof
that it wasn’t his ex-lover and would go back to whatever he was doing, his heart heavy but his
face unreadable. But now? Hearing Chan speaking English on the phone made his ears perk up and
he couldn’t help but slightly turn his head, trying to peek at Chan and his expression from the
corner of his eye, as discreetly as he could manage in his state of inner panic. Surely, if it was
indeed Felix, Chan wouldn’t act so calm, would he?

“Don’t “hello” me!” the voice thundered in Chan’s ear.

“Well, can I at least know what I’ve done this time?” Chan sighed, looking absently at the floor. He
had no idea what he possibly could have done wrong.

“As if you didn’t know!” the voice scoffed, apparently annoyed further by Chan’s confusion.

“No, Lucas, I don’t know. And I’ve had a very long couple of days. So if you could, maybe,
enlighten me..?”

Chan tried really hard to keep his voice levelled. He knew it wasn’t Lucas' fault if he was in a bad
mood. It wasn’t his little brother’s fault if Chan barely slept at all anymore, if it seemed harder and
harder for him to focus on work, or anything really. It wasn’t his fault if, despite the months
passing, the worry and the feeling of abandonment, the what ifs and the maybes, were still eating
him inside. It really wasn’t his fault if he wanted and needed Felix back so badly. He closed his
eyes for a second, pressing his eyelids shut as he took in a silent breath. He couldn’t think about
that, not now, not today, not here, especially not with Hyunjin around. When he broke down about
this - and he had broken down a few times - nobody needed to be around to see it.

“Olivia.” Lucas simply stated with that exasperated tone, as if the name alone was explanation
enough. As if with that, Chan was supposed to know exactly what he meant.

And Chan thought he did. So he sighed deeply as he rolled his eyes. This constant battle with his
little brother about Felix’s sister was tiring and it seemed to never end. Chan could understand the
issue, because he knew exactly how much Lucas was in love with Olivia and for how long he had
hovered around her without actually confessing. So he knew that seeing that girl, that he had a
crush on since they were kids, always directing her attention and affection towards Chan was hard
for Lucas to bear. But Chan knew better, he knew it was just a little girl’s fantasy. Olivia wasn’t in
love with Chan. She was, however, clearly infatuated with his little brother. But, as the teenagers
they were, both of them were too proud, too stubborn and too self-conscious to actually admit that
to themselves, let alone to each other. So once in a while, when he and Olivia would have a fight or
a falling out, this grudge Lucas held against Chan would resurface. Of course the two had been
nearly inseparable for as long as Chan could remember, so those little fights of theirs never lasted
and quickly enough Lucas would, once more, be too busy pinning over Olivia to remember he was
jealous of his own brother and things would resolve themselves.

But still, for Chan it was slightly annoying to get accused of the same thing over and over again
through the years, even after he had moved miles and miles away. More than that, he always felt
guilty. He knew he never did anything to lead Olivia on, he had never shown an interest in her in
that way. If anything, he thought that he had been pretty obvious with his feelings for her brother,
Felix, back in the day. To the point where he was always wondering why nobody called him out on
it, especially Felix himself. But still, there was always this little sliver of doubt, of guilt, this
thought that “what if I had done things differently”. Because maybe if he had, his little brother
wouldn’t still be suffering from this whole situation, as childish as it was.

“How many times are we going to have this conversation?” Chan sighed once more, pressing the
bridge of his nose between his fingers, feeling a headache coming. “I haven’t talked to her in
months. I live on the other side of the world. What more proof do you need that I’m not gonna steal
your precious girlfriend away from you?”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” was the first thing Lucas blurted out, as he always did when someone
called her that. It was painfully obvious by his reaction how much he actually wanted her to be his
girlfriend and Chan couldn’t help the hint of a smile that curved the corner of his lips up. Still he
didn’t make a comment on it. “Anyways. That’s not about that, and you know it!”

“Then what is it about? Is she okay?” Chan asked, his frown back in full force, suddenly worried.

This was the only reason Lucas would fight with Chan over Olivia. If this wasn’t the issue then
Chan had no idea what was going on, and that wasn’t sitting well with him. Especially since he had
no idea where Felix went, or what happened to him. He knew for a fact Felix would have never
gone back to his parents’ house, but he and Olivia were close and maybe she had heard from him.
Maybe she had gotten bad news. Chan’s heart was racing as he straightened on the couch. He hated
being that paranoid, hated immediately bracing for the worst when he knew that there were a
million other, more probable, options as to what was going on with Olivia and why Lucas was
upset. But he couldn’t help it, not when Felix, where he was, what he was doing, if he was okay
and if he was happy, was all he had been able to think about for months now.

“Okay?” Lucas scoffed, an unhappy chuckle resonating on the other side of the line. Apparently he
found the question funny, and not in a good way. “So you’re gonna make me spell it out for you,
uh?” he added, making Chan even more confused, even more on edge. “Well..”

Managing to avoid his sister during the whole week-end had been a feat in and of itself. Felix hated
sneaking around like that only to save himself from the look he knew he would see in her eyes, the
questions on her tongue, the things he would have to reminisce about to answer her. He wasn’t
ready, for any of it. He didn’t know when he would be, or if ever. Because it was clear that time
was passing but the memories and the pain weren’t lessening in the slightest.

On Monday, as he left the house to go straight to school, Felix still felt relief wash over him despite
the guilt brought by the way he was treating his baby sister selfishly. Of course he was always
relieved to escape the suffocating house for a few hours, even if it meant being stuck in classes he
abhorred and that bored him to death, the same classes he had fled in the first place. But there was
an added relief this time around because he had mentally prepared himself to face his sister during
the week-end despite his sneaking around. He hadn’t and being away all day meant at least a few
hours more where he could avoid the confrontation that was inevitably going to happen at some
point, no matter how much he didn’t want it to.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to find Isla before the morning classes started. He had hoped for
her usual contagious positivity to help him unwind even just a tiny bit. He didn’t make a habit of
complaining to her, especially not when it was, in any way shape or form, related to his ex-
bandmates. He knew she was a big fan and she had tried time and again to launch him on the
subject despite his clear protest.

He didn’t want to talk about them with anybody because it hurt too much, because a little part of
his brain still hoped that not talking about them would help him forget. But more than anything he
didn’t want to talk about them with her, in particular. Didn’t want to see the joy, the admiration and
excitement in her eyes as she spoke their names. Didn’t want to hear her recount the many new
gossips she had seen online, brought by their blossoming celebrity. Didn’t want her to open her
phone to show him their latest video, in which he wouldn’t be present. It made it all too real that
they had continued their lives without him.

Of course he wanted them to. That was the reason why he had succumbed to his father’s threat,
why he had left in the first place. Because he wanted their lives to remain unchanged, wanted for
them to walk towards their dream without bumps in the road. But still it was hard for him to
reconcile with the idea that all of that was happening without him. It was painful to remind himself
that their lives before him and after him were the same, like his short time as a part of their family
was nothing more than a fickle dream his own brain had conjured to deal with the unfulfilling
reality he was stuck in.

Felix’s morning classes passed by in a daze, while he was stuck in this seemingly never-ending
cycle of self pity and self loathing. But at lunch, finally, he found Isla, waiting for him on their
usual bench outside the science building. As he walked towards her, watching her smile widely and
wave at him without a care in the world as to how she appeared to outsiders, Felix saw the tiniest
sliver of hope that his day was going to get better, or at the very least that his troubles were going
to take a back burner, feeling just a little bit lighter for a few moments.

Neither of them ever had classes in the science building, Felix was a Law major and Isla doubled as
a Criminology and Theater major. But the science building was the most remote in the university
and when the place wasn’t swarmed with the students attending classes there, it was actually a spot
that offered a quiet and private place to unwind, something both Isla and Felix appreciated.

When he sat down, she gave him one of the two soda cans she had bought at the dispenser and, as
they usually did during lunch breaks, they started talking. There was often no rhyme or reason to
their exchange, most of the time Isla was the one doing all the talking and she was, as Felix quickly
learned, an expert at jumping from one subject to the next in a matter of seconds, never seeing any
of her thoughts to the end. Felix was just happy to listen, on most days. The happy chatter Isla
provided was more enjoyable than the silence he surrounded himself whenever he was alone. It
reminded him of the way Jisung would always talk everyone’s ears off, the way every lunch or
dinner was animated by 8 voices overlapping with one another, the way the only moment of quiet
in the house was in the dead night. Whether he wanted it or not, it reminded him of home.

“You’re awfully quiet..” Isla announced after fifteen minutes. Felix wasn’t sure exactly what she
had been talking about prior to that statement, he had spaced out into his memories and dark
thoughts, like he often did.

“I’m always quiet.” he chuckled softly with a little shrug.

After all, their whole friendship was based on the fact that Isla was good at talking and Felix was
good at listening, or at least at pretending that he was. More often than not, Isla simply needed
someone to bounce her ideas and stories off of. Anyone could do as long as she wasn’t talking to
herself, and Felix, who very rarely had anything of importance to say and was sulking in quiet
contemplation for eighty percent of the day, was the perfect recipient for her never-ending
blabbering.

“That’s true.. “ she admitted, but still it didn’t seem like that answer was enough for her. “So..” she
dragged the word as she shifted her posture on the bench, turning herself to face Felix. “What
happened?”
“Nothing. Nothing happened.” he offered her a small smile.

Every time she had asked how he was, every time she had wondered what happened for him to be
this gloomy on any given day, he had given her that answer. But today felt a little different.
Because whereas he had always been content to listen, keeping all his issues for himself, today
Felix felt like, for once, he wanted to talk, needed to talk. He couldn’t bring the boys into this,
because he knew how she would react, but maybe talking about the situation with his sister could
at least alleviate one of his concerns. So when she offered him an unconvinced look, crossing her
arms on her chest, he sighed and finally opened his mouth before she could probe some more.

“It’s just.. My little sister came back home for a few days..” he simply said.

“Oh, the one who does ice-skating right?” Isla asked with a hint of excitement. It seemed like
hearing Felix talk about himself was so rare that anything he had to say was exciting information in
her eyes. “You told me about her once or twice, yeah.” she nodded. “So what? You two don’t get
along?”

“No we do.. We do, it’s just..” he sighed deeply, rubbing his hand on his face, unsure how to
approach the subject without talking about his ex-bandmates in the process. “Olivia, she.. wants
answers that I can’t give her. About.. why I’m back.” he shrugged, looking down at the tip of his
shoes. “She means well and I know she worries about me but.. I don’t want to talk about it, I
can’t..” he added in a whisper, almost more to himself than to Isla.

“Isn’t it time for you to move on though?” Isla asked abruptly. Felix looked up at her, stunned. He
hadn’t expected her to be so blunt about it. “I mean.. They continued their lives without you, didn’t
they? Don’t you think you should do the same?” she shrugged but there was a determined look in
her eyes that Felix couldn’t quite understand.

It stung to hear someone else say out loud the things that had been running in his mind. They had,
indeed, continued their lives without him, because that’s exactly what he had wanted them to do,
what he had expected. But not once did he think about moving on despite that. He could fake it, it
wouldn’t be hard, but he had simply no desire to. He knew all too well what he had lost, just as
much as he knew he would never find something like that again. He could find a substitute, find
friends he would appreciate to some degree, date someone he got along with well enough, simply
fake his way through an average life while calling it “moving on”. But he would never feel what
he felt for them, for him, ever again. And because of this simple fact, he just couldn’t find the
strength to even try.

“You don’t understand Isla. You don’t know how..” he hung his head again, his natural colored hair
falling around his face. He couldn’t tell her that she didn’t know what he was missing, who he was
missing and why. “You don’t know how things were..” was all he could say, his voice low, the
familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes. He wouldn’t cry, not here, not in front of her, but he
desperately wanted to.

“You mean I don’t know that you used to date Hwang Hyunjin?”

The words made Felix’s head jerk up so fast that the muscles in his neck protested. Eyes wide,
mouth open, he stared at her, his mind an incoherent jumble of thoughts. How could she know? He
never even pronounced his name in front of her, let alone tell her about the kind of relationship
they had. Hearing that name pained him deeply, but his brain was still too busy trying to process
her statement for him to delve too deep into his own feelings.

“So it’s true, eh?” she nodded to herself.

“Wh-What.. I mean.. No.. I mean.. What?” he stuttered.

“I saw how close you two were in the videos back then. Honestly there were a bunch of fans who
loved to make theories about whether you two were a couple or not. I mean some people preferred
to think that you and Chan were an item, with you being childhood friends and all but.. “ she
shrugged. She was talking about all that like she was talking about the weather and not about
Felix’s life, not about something that was supposed to be hidden, secret. Something that was only
for Hyunjin and him to share. “I honestly don’t care about what those people say, fans like that
love to spin the narrative to fit their own agenda. But..” she paused and tilted her head, looking at
Felix. “The few times I tried to talk to you about the group.. You always seem to be hurting just a
little bit more when I said his name. So I thought maybe, for once, the theories weren’t so far off..”

Felix was frozen. He had no idea he had been so transparent all this time. Even the other members
weren’t supposed to know about what was going on between them. They hadn’t been very good at
hiding at the house and Felix was sure that despite their sneaking around, at least half of the others
suspected what was going on. Minho had caught them kissing and most likely told Jisung about it,
and Chan had always been able to read Felix like an open book, which he seemed to be able to do
with all of them. And after the incident, the night where they got drunk and Felix and Minho left
the house after a fight with Jisung and Hyunjin, there was little doubt that Chan knew exactly the
type of relationship they had. But he never thought that the fans themselves did as well. And he
surely didn’t think Isla would be able to piece it together without him never saying anything on the
subject since they met.

“You should let it go, Felix.” she stated, once again. "I mean it."

“Why are you saying all of this to me..?” he asked in response, his voice small and quiet. He was
hurting from having someone else talk about it, from acknowledging it, like he knew he would.
The fact that Isla seemed so serious and kept repeating that he should move on was even worse
than he had imagined.

“I’m just looking out for you.” she sighed. “Look.. I wasn’t planning on saying anything because I
know how you get and I don’t want to be a bitch but I think it might be the wake up call you need..”
she added, fishing out her phone out of her pocket and tapping on a few keys.

“I don’t-” he started. He was still in shock over the whole ordeal, still hurting from the things she
was saying and the memories plaguing his mind. And he had no idea what she was talking about.

“I’m saying you should move on..” she cut him off, turning the phone towards him to show him the
screen. He would’ve recognized that graceful silhouette anywhere and realizing who it was, he
wanted to look away. But he couldn’t. Because on that screen, Hyunjin wasn’t alone. Hyunjin, his
Hyunjin, beautiful in his black pants and blue shirt, a cap on his head, was standing in front of a
little café not far from the house, that Felix used to drive to with the boys once and again. And he
was hugging another man. “Because he already did.” Isla finished her sentence, landing the last
blow Felix could endure.

“Well.. She came back from boarding school this weekend. We were supposed to see each other
today. I wanted to take her to that ice cream place she loves.. “ Lucas trailed off for a second,
probably imagining the scene in his mind before clearing his throat, getting back on topic. “But she
called me last night and she was furious. I mean she was really pissed man. And she was in tears
Chris. You know Liv never cries.”

Chan nodded to himself, a deep frown carving lines in his forehead. Olivia had always been a very
prideful, stubborn little girl. Even as a small child, she always tried to wait until there was nobody
around to cry. In her words, it was ‘too lame and uncool’ to be a crybaby. Olivia, however, was a
terrible actress and Chan had always found it endearing that whenever she wanted to cry, it was
written all over her face and still she would stubbornly act like she didn’t care until nobody was
looking.

“I thought maybe one of those stupid rich fucks from her shcool picked on her or something.. I
would go over there and beat up the fuckers who hurt her, you know I would!” he exclaimed.

"Language..” Chan sighed. He couldn’t help it.

“Turns out the fucker was you..” he chuckled without any humor, ignoring his brother’s comment.
“You know what she said to me Chris? She said that what you did was despicable and that if you
were that type of person then she didn’t want to have anything to do with you or anyone related to
you. Me included.” he chuckled again, it sounded sad and angry, resigned. “I thought she was
tripping. I thought.. My big bro is a real pain in my ass, sure, but he’s one of the good guys..
Right?”

“I don’t.. understand.” Chan said, his frown only getting deeper and deeper. He hadn’t spoken to
Olivia in months, surely if he had done anything to upset her, he would remember.

“Funny.. That’s what I said too. I mean seriously, Liv is mad at me all the time but you? She’s
never been angry at you a single day in her whole life..” Chan could feel the jealousy slowly
seeping into Lucas’ words. “I didn’t think I would ever see the day where she would curse you out..
You could invade a fucking nation and she’d still be gushing over how cool you were doing it..” he
spat, definitely not happy about that fact. “But I guess hurting her brother like that, that was too
much, even coming from you.”

“What?! What do you mean?!” Chan’s head snapped up at the mention of Felix. Was Felix hurt?
Did Olivia really get bad news from him? His heart was thumping in his chest, his palms were
moist, his throat was dry. He was in complete panic at the idea alone and he needed Lucas to
clarify the situation, quick.

“I guess you have enough friends in Korea now that you don’t need your best-friend anymore but..
Man, that was cold, kicking him out like that?” Lucas offered one more humorless laugh. “Liv says
she’s never seen him like that. I mean.. back to THAT house? I’d be miserable too man. You know
how those people are. But I guess you’re too famous now to remember, or to care.”

“Back to..” Chan froze before even finishing his sentence. Felix? Back there? It was impossible. It
was the only option Chan had crossed off right of the bat. Why would he even go back there? Why
would he abandon the group, not even saying goodbye, to go back to the place and the people that
had oppressed and belittled him for so long. He had nothing to go back to over there. But if Lucas
was serious then it didn’t matter what Chan had thought possible or not. “Sorry, I gotta go!” he
quickly blurted before hanging up in haste and springing to his feet.

He rushed out of the room, barely conscious of the eyes on him and the surprised faces turning in
his direction. He ran through the house with a single thought in mind, grabbing a bag and packing
it with random clothes, a charger, his wallet and not much else, darting out of his room and back
down the stairs as quickly as he had come in. His weird reaction, the worried look on his face, the
ruckus he had made by running around the house.. All that had attracted every other member to the
living room, where those who had witnessed the phone call were relaying the very few information
they had to the others, everyone seemingly worried about the outburst that had followed, since
nobody knew what had actually been said. Chan couldn’t worry himself about that at this second
however. All he could think about was how stupid he had been. If he hadn’t been so sure, if he had
called Olivia or even tried to ask Lucas to go check up on the Lee’s house, just in case, then he
would’ve known. He could’ve found him faster. He could’ve brought him home faster. Lucas was
right, it was all his fault.

“Channie.. What’s going on?”

Seungmin’s cautious voice brought Chan out of his frantic daze for a second. He had been so
caught up in his thoughts, in a rush to make things right, so totally desperate to find Felix, to see
him again, that he had barely registered how crazed and out of character he was acting all of a
sudden. When he looked up at all his group members, all his kids packed in the living room,
looking at him, there was no mistaking the look on their faces. They were taken aback by his
behavior, stunned and weirded out, but more than that, they all seemed worried for their leader,
even without a single clue about what was really happening in front of their eyes.

“Did something happen?” Changbin asked, gravely.

“I..” Chan sighed, reaching up with his hand to pass his fingers through his hair, already messy
from how many times he had done this exact move in the last few minutes. His hand was shaking,
badly. “I found him.” he let that information settle for a second. As soon as he spoke the words, it
seemed like all the sounds, all the air froze in the room. “I found him and I’m bringing him back
home.”

Felix could barely remember how he had made his way back home after that. He had only two
classes in the afternoon but after the earth shattering bomb that had been dropped on him, he
couldn’t even care. After Isla showed him the picture, it was as if everything left in him simply
shut down, all at once. As if the last tiny remnant of his broken heart fizzled out of existence in his
chest. As if the last shred of light in his soul dimmed until all that was left was a deep, suffocating
chasm.

Instinctively he had shut down his brain, turned off his emotions. He had stared at the picture for a
few seconds, got up and walked away. He was pretty sure Isla had called after him, screamed his
name as he walked, or ran away. He couldn’t really tell, couldn’t really remember, all seemed like a
blur, like a lie, like one of his many nightmares, now that he was standing in front of the imposing,
oppressing house that he was supposed to call his home.

“Felix.” his mother’s voice reverberated in the hall as soon as he stepped foot inside, like a shrill
drilling into his dull skull. “I wasn’t expecting you for a few more hours. Well.. No matter..”

“Not now, mother. Please.” he pleaded but there was no strength behind his words, he was too
tired, too numb to fight. Or care.

“Your sister has been quite excited to go rehearse at the ice rink.” she continued, brushing off
Felix’s words like she would a bug bothering her with its buzzing.
Self-centered as she was, she probably didn’t even realize he had opened his mouth at all, which
was nothing new to him. Conversations with his mother had always been a one way street. She
talked, barked, gave orders and he was just.. there. Along for the ride, willing or not. It seemed like
today would be no exception, and Felix couldn’t be bothered to even try. What would even be the
purpose anymore?

“She has expressed her desire for you to be the one accompanying her there.” Felix’s mother
pointed out. She let her eyes wander on her son for a second and then clicked her tongue, probably
disapproving of his gloomy demeanor and visible lack of excitement. “Don’t be difficult, and do as
you’re told, would you?” she added sternly, anticipating a refusal from Felix before he could even
open his mouth himself.

But there was no point fighting her anymore. This was his life from now on, the only one he had,
the only one he was worth living. He couldn’t even be mad at her, annoyed by her. All he felt was
complete and utter apathy. Because switching his feelings back on was simply too painful to bear.
It was just so much easier to not feel anything at all. Dull the memories, dull the pain. It was better
this way. This way he didn’t have to care anymore. About anything.

“Yes mother.” he replied flatly before turning on his heels to go wait by the car.

The car ride to the ice rink had been awkward to say the least. It was the first time since Olivia had
come back home that the two siblings were alone together in the same space. Felix had put a lot of
effort into avoiding his little sister altogether in the last few days, and Olivia herself had put almost
as much effort into trying to talk to him. In the back of his mind Felix was aware that asking for
him to accompany her, using their mother so he couldn’t say no, was just the latest in her many
ploys to try and get some alone time with him. Except this time he didn’t care to run anymore.
There was no point in it, and his sister would simply be sorely disappointed in his company,
because there were no satisfactory answers to her questions, there was nothing to say about what
happened. Not anymore.

Despite how long she had waited for this opportunity, Olivia at least had the decency not to delve
into her many questions right of the bat, instead choosing to spend the whole car ride talking about
the weather, school and ice skating competition, her blabbering only getting monosyllabic
responses from her brother. “Yeah.” “No.” “Sure.” “Maybe” were the only sounds he could be
bothered to offer her. She could no doubt sense the awkwardness, see that something was utterly
wrong with him, even more so than before, but still she continued on, showing way more
consideration towards him and the whole situation than Felix thought she was even capable of.

She kept this up until they entered the ice rink, when it was time for them to split up, Felix turning
right to go settle in the bleachers and Olivia taking a left to put on her equipement in the locker
room before going on the ice. But when Felix was about to do just that, it seemed like she couldn’t
take it anymore. She grabbed his wrist, and he stopped in his tracks. He didn’t turn his head
towards her, didn’t ask her what she wanted, simply froze, waiting for her to say what she wanted
or to let go of his arm so he could go sit down by himself.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Felix chuckled at the question. He couldn’t help it. There was nothing to laugh about in his
situation and there definitely was no joy in the sound, it was as hollow as he, himself, felt. But the
humor in the question didn’t escape him nonetheless. What was wrong with him? What wasn’t
wrong would have a quicker answer. But then again, what was the point in even bringing that up.
His sister, and probably anyone who even bothered to lay eyes on Felix for more than a few
seconds these past months, knew that he wasn’t well. She probably knew why too, to a certain
extent.

Olivia was brighter than she appeared, smarter than she showed. It was true that her appearance,
her “reputation” as she liked to say, was usually the thing in the forefront of her mind and what she
thought of before doing or saying anything, so she obviously never ran around flaunting her
intellect or her vast knowledge on topics that would appear “uncool” to the small but loyal herd of
friends, suitors and otherwise interested vultures she had accumulated over the years in her high-
class boarding school. But, nonetheless, she had a sharp mind. Some might say sharper than her
tongue even, if it was at all possible. So Felix knew that she had most likely pieced together the
start of a story behind the reason why he came back so suddenly. She didn’t have all the
information to make a perfect guess, but she knew enough to take a close gander at the very least.

In a sense, Felix should’ve been happy that Olivia already knew part of the story, already guessed
part of the outcome, because this way he wouldn’t have to start from the top and reminisce even
further on everything that had happened in such a short time. But strangely, he didn’t. He would’ve
preferred if she had no idea at all in fact. Preferred if she had never learned where he was, with
whom and what he was doing. Preferred if she had never seen Hyunjin’s face, never talked to any
of the boys. All in all, he would’ve preferred if she never had a glimpse of that brief moment in his
life and had never witnessed how happy this specific moment had made him, no matter how swift
it had been. If his little sister had been clueless, he could’ve invented any excuse, could’ve listed
anything as the cause of his woes. He wouldn’t even have to talk about that part of his life, to think
about it ever again.

That was the real reason. Since he came back, he had told himself that he didn’t want to think
about all of it, didn’t want to remember the boys, their habits, their voices, the sound of their
laughter. He repeated to himself how much he wished he could stop seeing Hyunjin’s face every
time he closed his eyes, asleep or awake. But each time it had been a lie. Because deep down he
wanted to keep all those memories alive, wanted to hold onto them like a sailor held onto a floating
piece of debris after his boat sank to the bottom of the ocean, simply waiting and wishing and
praying that the nightmare would come to pass and that he would, one day, stand on dry land
again. But now? He didn’t simply want to move on from it. He wanted to forget it. All of it. Wipe
his memory clean of everything that happened, of every person he met. Clean of the feelings that
had crashed into his heart like the storm hit the sea. Clean of him, completely.

Felix was about to try and evade the subject one final time, but maybe he had been silent for too
long because Olivia, who had been waiting, staring at her brother’s back this whole time, her
slender fingers wrapped around his wrist, opened her mouth again.

“Felix..”

The sound would’ve broken his heart, if his emotions weren’t already dulled by the final blow he
had received. Her voice was quivering and as he slowly turned around, he already knew what he
would see. And he was right. As she looked up at him, Olivia seemed like she was on the verge of
tears. She looked like the small little girl he knew, once again. Like the baby sister he had once
sworn to protect against anyone and everyone who dared to make her cry. And now.. He was the
reason tears pooled in the corner of her eyes. It was nothing but one more reason to hate himself,
just a bit more.

“You’re such an idiot!” she blurted out. It was clear she was frustrated to let herself be overtaken
by her emotions, even if Felix was the only one here to see it. “I…” a sob broke out from her throat.
The tears were still hanging dangerously from her lower lashes, threatening to tumble down her
cheeks at any time. In a last ditch effort, she still tried to regain her composure as she frowned and
looked up at him again. “I hate to see you like this. Moping around, locking yourself up.. Avoiding
me..” the last words were added in no more than a whisper as her eyes suddenly evaded him. She
was hurt by that part more than anything else, and Felix had known it all along. He simply had
been too busy trying to shield himself from harm to worry about protecting her from it too. “Just
talk to me, for Gods’ sake.. Talk to me!” Olivia almost screamed at him, frustrated, as she shook his
wrist and his arm, trying to shake him awake, trying to simply get a reaction from him at long last.

“It’s over.” Felix finally offered, the first hint of a reply she had received from him in days.

He hadn’t given any more details than that, but seeing Olivia’s face fall, he knew she had added
one more piece to her mental puzzle, figured out one more detail, getting her just one step closer to
piecing out the whole chain of events all by herself. He could also see pity in her gaze, a feeling he
had always hated but couldn’t even be bothered by anymore. But soon her face hardened. If she
was mad at him, at the circumstances or for no other reason than wanting to be pissed at
something, he couldn’t tell. All he knew was that she swallowed up the tears in her eyes and
tightened her grip on his wrist once more. She gave him one single nod. Not to him really, as much
as to herself, before walking away, dragging Felix behind her, towards the bleachers he had spent
hours on through the years, watching his sister practice until her feet bled and her fingers had
frostbite.

“Sit.” she ordered, pointing at a bench, the paint of it chipped and dull from years of use.

And he did. But she remained standing, staring him down. Under her unwavering glare, seeing that
determination on her face that, he knew all too well, ran in the family and had adorned his own
face all too often, he knew there was only one possible outcome, and no escape this time around.
So he sighed as he looked down at his own hands on his lap.

And he told her everything.

 You're Nothing, You're Nobody
Chapter Notes

Soo.. Hi? Let's skip the long part where I tell you how sorry I am for taking forever to
update because I think you all know the drill by now and for the few of you MVPs
who are still sticking around despite my sorry ass being unable to learn what
"consistency" means, I'm sure you're also sick of hearing the same excuses every time
so.. Instead I'm going to make a risky claim. And by that I mean risky for me, not for
you!

On December 27th, it's going to officially be the 1 year anniversary of the day I posted
the first In Need of Sunshine chapter. I was hoping the get the story all wrapped up by
then but time flies and, clearly, we saw how good I've been at consistently failing in
my quest towards that goal. So instead I THINK (and mind you it's only if things go
my way and that nothing happens in the meantime, so it's not set in stone and I don't
want you to get your hopes up too much) that I'm going to do something ""somewhat""
big for the occasion. So.. maybe stay tuned for that. I also had a fun little idea but I'll
run that by you at the appropriate time~

In the meantime, I hope this chapter will be good enough to warrant two months of
waiting, and once more I want to let you know that I read all your comments (most of
which made me cry real good so thanks for that!) and that I am so so fucking grateful
for all of you people supporting me and understanding my lack of consistency and,
more than anything, telling me how much you like the story and how much of an
emotional impact it had on you, because I think it's something any writer dreams to
hear and it really, really means the world. So once more, even if I didn't answer to
comments because of lack of time, lack of a will to live, and anything in between, I'm
thanking all of you and I love you ♥

“And he said..”

“That he loved me, yeah.” Felix nodded.

“And you..”

“Didn’t say it back.”

“And then..”

“And then mom and dad came."

“And.. now..”

“Now he’s moving on with someone new” he shrugged, looking down at his fingers.

It was the third time he was going through it all with Olivia, telling her parts of the story again and
again as she asked, seeing the emotions on her face shift from one to the next every new time he
narrated his story. At first she had been shocked, then sad and now.. Now Olivia was angry, and it
showed, with her frowned brows, red cheeks and clenched fists. Felix didn’t feel any of it, didn’t
even feel the sadness that was normally going hand in hand with his tale. The grip he had on the
switch that maintained his emotions was tight and firm. He didn’t want the switch to move, didn’t
want his emotions to turn back on, couldn’t afford them to.

His feelings had been a lot, had been hard to handle since he had left but despite that, he had
managed, had had no choice but to power through it. But things were different now, everything
changed the second he saw that picture of Hyunjin embracing another man. In public, no less. He
didn’t need context, he knew enough with that image only, the vision forever branded in his mind.
He knew if ever he lost the grip on his emotions this time, that he would crumble under the weight
of them, would be suffocated by the pain, once and for all. Because it was one thing telling himself
they had moved on, that the band as a whole was walking their own path without him. It was
another thing completely to realize that his love, his heart, his Hyunjin, had moved on from him
too, in a totally different kind of way.

Not “his” Hyunjin. Not “his” anything. Not anymore. He couldn’t say that anymore. He should’ve
stopped using those words in his mind a long time ago but despite everything, he always had been
unable to see himself and Hyunjin as two separate entities that weren’t irrevocably linked to one
another by the draw of fate. All this time he had known there was no going back, known that him
and Hyunjin wouldn’t have the happy ending they deserved and still his brain had clung onto the
terminology desperately. He was “his” Hyunjin. Except now he was someone else’s Hyunjin. Not
“his”, not anymore, never again “his”.

“Are you sure of that?” Olivia asked, her tone a little less harsh now that the conversation wasn’t
on their parents and what they had him go through anymore.

Felix simply shrugged again. Maybe the picture wasn’t what he thought it was. Maybe there was
an explanation. Maybe he was simply jealous, like he had been in the past whenever Hyunjin was
involved. There were a lot of maybes in that situation. Still none of them could even float in his
head long enough to register and lodge a permanent spot in his brain. Because it would mean that
he cared. It would mean that he felt. And he couldn’t do that. Not anymore. So yes, he was sure.
Hyunjin had found Felix missing, probably had mourned the loss of their blossoming love for a
few days or weeks and then had found someone else, someone better.

He had found someone that was worthy of him, finally. That was probably what hurt the most,the
one thought Felix was running from the most vigorously. Because he knew, he had always known,
that he wasn’t good enough for Hyunjin, that he never had been the man that the beautiful, ethereal
and talented dancer deserved. Because, in Felix’s eyes, Hyunjin was strong, he was selfless and
gentle, he was passionate, fiery, he was colorful and so so beautiful. He was the rainbow that
crashed through Felix’s dull, black and white, life. Despite what he had to go through, the early life
that his awful mother offered him, despite the hardships, the losses, despite life pulling him down
and down, he never went under, he never crumbled. He rose to the skies and became better,
became stronger than those memories, stronger than life itself. And it didn’t matter that Hyunjin
wasn’t seeing himself that way, because Felix always knew, always saw him for the man he really
was. And that man deserved so much better than what he could ever offer him.

After all, Felix was nothing, he was no one. He never had been. Felix was the “the son of” or “the
brother of”, he was the disappointment of his parents, the one that wasn’t bad, but never good
enough. Felix was the brother his sisters could compare themselves too, making all their
achievements look even more impressive in comparison to his. He was and always would be the
one that had nothing to offer. He didn’t know what prompted him to forget that, momentarily.
Maybe it was Chan, his ever present energy, his brotherly love and that heart of dreamer that
clouded, just for a moment, the reality of Felix’s own lack of importance. Maybe it was the thrill of
having a family, a real one, for the first time. Or maybe it was Hyunjin, who had seemed to see so
many beautiful things inside Felix, things he, himself, had never glimpsed. He had offered him his
love like he was worthy of it, had held his hand like they were equals in every sense of the term.
And Felix had simply believed it, because he wanted so desperately for it to be true. But he knew
better now and he should’ve known better then.

“Maybe..” Olivia started. She sighed and put a cold hand on Felix’s back. She probably thought it
was hard for him to have to talk about it, unaware that her brother was keeping the lid firmly shut
on his own emotions. “Maybe if you see him, maybe he can explain..” she offered with a small,
reassuring voice.

She seemed so sure of herself, her voice clear, her eyes not drifting away from him, like she knew
she was stating an irrefutable truth that Felix just needed to hear. And it could’ve been reassuring,
could’ve been the lifeline Felix needed to keep hoping, to not shatter at the thought that there
would never be a “next time” for him and Hyunjin, or any of the others. It could have. But it was
just painful. Painful to know how wrong she actually was.

“I’m not going to see him again Olivia. You’ve heard the story, you know why.” Felix shook his
head, turning his gaze to look at his sister, a vacant, glazed look in his eyes where the sadness and
the hurt should normally reside. “And he probably wouldn’t want to see me anyway, why would
he?” he added with a somber, muted, chuckle. “Anyway, none of them know where I am. Dad’s
ultimatum was enough to dissuade me to even try contacting them.” he shrugged, seemingly
emotionless. “And I know Liv, I know you wished it was different, I know you want it to have a
happy ending like all those sappy movies you and your friends like so much. And I know it kills you
but, it is what it is. They will never know where to find me, will never look. And it’s better that way.
Trust me, it is..” he finally trailed off, looking back down at his fingers.

“Yeah.. about that..”

She wasn’t sure anymore, didn’t sound like she held the truth in her hands. Olivia suddenly
sounded.. guilty. And as Felix snapped his head in her direction, he saw that she looked the part as
well. Looking away, her eyes unable to focus on one spot, her hand scratching the back of her
head. Felix felt panic rise in his body, despite that tight leash he had on his own feelings. Panic and
fear, for what she might have done, what she might have to say and what, ultimately, it could lead
to.

“I.. might have.. done something?” she said, sounding more like a question than a fact. “I didn’t
know.. I.. You seemed so sad, so depressed and.. you wouldn’t talk to me, it’s your fault!” she then
exclaimed before shaking her head, looking at her fingers to avoid her brother’s eyes on her. “I
thought.. I thought maybe Chris said something, did something.. I thought maybe he threw you out
and that he never bothered looking for you again afterwards and I.. I was mad..” she shrugged, her
shoulders slumped, probably now realizing that whatever she did, whatever she said would most
likely have consequences that she didn’t anticipate. “I had a fight with Lucas, told him you came
back and that you were miserable and that it was all his brother’s fault..” she raised a hand to pass
it nervously through her hair. “He said I wasn’t making any sense but..”. The pause there was long,
longer than Felix thought he could stand even though ultimately, he knew the words she was going
to say next, because he knew Lucas, knew how he would react. “He said he was going to call
Chris..” she finally admitted, slumping over.

“It won’t make a difference..” Felix answered.

But even as the words left his mouth he knew. He knew how wrong he was.
 ~

The silence was so complete after Chan’s announcement that it seemed like even their breathing
stopped, for just a second. Nobody expected those words to come out of his mouth. Really, nobody
expected this name to be ever spoken again, not when it seemed to hurt more every time the two
little syllables slid their way into a conversation. They had not forgotten Felix, nor would they
ever, but most of them had come to terms with the fact that they would probably never hear from
him, never learn the truth behind his sudden disappearance and, more than anything, never see him
ever again. Maybe this was the reason why Chan’s words shocked them all so much, or maybe it
was because they all thought that their last shred of hope had vanished from inside them when, in
fact, it was still here, waiting for a tiny spark to light it anew.

“What do you mean you.. “found him”..?” Seungmin was the first to break the silence, the first to
get a grip on himself. He had always been the most composed of them all, but even in his eyes
Chan could see that the news had felt like a punch in the gut, no matter how calm and collected he
now seemed.

“I’m coming with!” Minho exclaimed just a second after Seungmin’s question, not leaving any
time for Chan to give an explanation. It was surprising to see Minho not bothering with his usual
mask of feigned boredom, showing his true emotions so fully. Then again Chan wasn’t taken
aback, it had been clear how much losing Felix had affected him as well.

“We’re all coming with!” Jisung added to that, finally snapping out of his daze. But as a response,
Chan shook his head.

“No, I need you all to stay here, to keep working, to keep to the schedule.” he said, unyielding.
There was only thing that mattered right now and it was to get to Felix as quickly as he could. He
would give an explanation to his kids, in due time, but he couldn’t waste any time talking and
arguing now. He needed to jump on a plane, retrieve his best friend and drag him back here, where
he belonged. “We can’t all suddenly board a plane, not with paparazzis following us now, even if
there’s just a few of them. So I’m going on my own, and I’ll bring him back.” he announced. “.. I’ll
bring him back.” he repeated, insisting on that fact, like a mantra that all of them seemed to need to
hear, him more than anyone else.

The boys were silent once more but each of them were blinking, nodding in understanding despite
the worry and hurt on each of their faces. Prompted by Seungmin, they all started to slowly move
out of the way, towards the living room, throwing looks over their shoulders at Chan, all of them
wishing they could go, all of them wondering what the outcome was going to be. All of them too
afraid to even hope anymore. All of them, except Hyunjin.

Hyunjin didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t even blink after Felix's name dropped out of Chan’s lips.
And now that Chan was about to turn around, about to walk to that door with his bag on his
shoulder, to go find the missing link of their family, Hyunjin finally broke out of his daze, and
grabbed Chan’s wrist. As Chan slowly turned his head to look at him, Hyunjin didn’t say anything,
didn’t move a muscle, but the look in his eyes, the silent plea, the traces of tears that had never
really dried, were as clear as any words could’ve been.

“We’re leaving in 15 minutes,” Chan said with a nod.

~
The second Hyunjin opened the door, appearing in the middle of Felix’s childhood bedroom, all
Felix could do was to throw himself in his arms. He had thought a lot about this moment, about
how he would react if it ever happened. He had thought that maybe he would freeze, maybe he
would try to keep his distance and maybe he would be too scared to move anyway, too scared to
say anything that could break that moment. But in the end, seeing that man that he loved so much,
was enough to break all the walls he had tried so hard to build those past months, erasing every
doubt and fear. Because all that mattered was him, here, in this instant.

He hadn’t changed at all since the last time Felix saw him, so beautiful, so vibrant, his tall frame
towering over Felix’s small body. Everything was exactly as it should have been. Everything.
Except the fact that Hyunjin wasn’t returning his embrace, standing still as a statue in his slender
arms.

Reluctantly, Felix took a step back, trying not to let Hyunjin’s stillness deter him from the sheer joy
he was feeling, the only emotion that had finally shattered the complete silence inside his heart.
He looked up at that beautiful face he loved so dearly, his eyes shining, not only from joy, but from
the tears that had started to collect at the corners, overwhelmed by the situation. As Hyunjin
stayed silent, stayed still, Felix didn’t know what to do, what to say. He had disappeared for
months, had imagined them all moving on and had tried to forget. But now as the love of his life
stood before his gaze, finally, after all the agony he put himself through, he knew there was only
one thing he could say. One thing he should’ve said long ago. “Hyunjin.. I love you!” he
exclaimed, pushing his fears aside. His smile was radiant, beaming like the sunshine he was
nicknamed after.

“I love you so much and I should’ve told you the second you said it to me because.. Because I think
I fell in love with you the second I saw you and I was scared about it but.. but I’m not scared
anymore. I love you, I love you..” he repeated over and over, smiling, feeling his heart beating for
the first time in months, instead of that infinite chasm that had taken its place ever since he left.

“.. It’s too late”. Hyunjin’s melodious voice sounded so foreign, so cold. “I don’t want you
anymore.”

Whatever part of Felix’s heart that had healed the second he saw Hyunjin, shattered once more, a
crash as loud as thunder resonating deep in his chest. Still, he didn’t seem to be able to
understand, didn’t seem to comprehend. The shock of the words, directly thrown in his face, was so
powerful that his brain simply couldn’t accept the situation for what it was.

“Wha.. but why?” was all he seemed able to say.

“Because you’re nothing. You’re nobody.” Hyunjin sneered, disgust and disdain in his eyes, now
clear as day. “You’re just a flea infested cat that we were generous enough to let sleep on our
couch, and now you think you’re like us? One of us?” a dark, humorless laugh escaped his lips.
“You’re nothing like us Felix. Nothing like me. And it was fun while it lasted but now.. Now I found
better.”

Each word cut deeper than the last. Everything Felix had thought to himself, everything he knew to
be true, all of that was now spoken into reality by the one person he hoped would never think those
things about him. He was nothing, nobody, he had never been. But despite all that, the hurt, the
pain, all he could hear playing over and over in his head were those three words Hyunjin had
spoken on their last night.

“But.. you said..” he stammered, the tears of joy welling up in his eyes now turned into a constant
flow of hurt and sadness running down his cheeks, a visible representation of his forever shattered
heart.

“That I loved you?” the laugh that echoed in the room was genuine this time, wicked, hurtful, but
genuine. “I lied.” he shrugged, the smugness on his face a clear indicator that Felix should’ve
realized, should’ve seen it coming from the start. Like the simple idea of Hyunjin having real
feelings for someone like him was too ludicrous to even entertain. Felix had to close his eyes,
unable to see that gorgeous face now turned cold and hateful, unable to stand the flow of words, of
truths, that he was subjected to. “You’re trash Felix. You always have been and always will be.
What did you expect?” he chuckled darkly. “At least now, I’m with a man who can..”

When Felix opened his eyes again, the words stopped. He wasn’t standing in the middle of his
room now, wasn’t facing Hyunjin. He was alone, in his bed, staring at his ceiling, his eyes watery
and his heart racing in his chest. A nightmare, one of many. One that seemed too vivid, too
anchored in reality, making Felix unable to calm himself. He had had so many nightmares in the
last few months, he thought he became shielded against the emotional hurt that lingered even after
waking up. But after yesterday, after the picture, after his sister’s announcement.. That supposed
shield of his was of no use.

There had been no ice-skating the day before. The siblings had talked and talked. Felix repeating
the story as many time as Olivia asked him to, listening to her get angry and sad about the situation,
about their parents, about his broken love story. Until she revealed that her little temper tantrum
had led to Lucas calling his brother and that Chan probably knew where he had been all along
now. And then, the brother and sister simply went back home and once more, despite Olivia’s
protests, Felix locked himself in his room.

He had repeated to himself that it wouldn’t change anything, that the deed was done and that after
disappearing like that, Chan and the others probably hated him enough that this information would
be of no use to them. He had tried to convince himself that they would brush off the information,
that they had better things, grander things, to do now than to worry about what Felix had become in
those months. He knew how much Chan cared, knew how much he had come to mean to all of
them, knew that, for a time, he had been part of their family. But it was easier to think he was a
nobody from start to finish and to make himself believe they barely even thought about him
anymore. He had seen himself as such for a long time before meeting them, it wasn’t hard to
continue with this line of thought, continue to think they wouldn’t care. And sill his brain couldn’t
quite convince itself that it was the truth. Despite how hard he tried, a little, tiny part at the back of
his head still knew it was all a lie, and that the truth was much much simpler.

Felix hoisted himself up, brushing off the tears from the corner of his eyes with his palm before
getting on his feet. Either everyone was still asleep, downstairs or out of the house completely,
because the silence around Felix’s room, on the second floor, was total and complete. He had tried
to become accustomed to hearing the silence since he came back, instead of the constant chaos he
had lived in beforehand. But sometimes so much quiet was strangely deafening to him. But the
moment this thought flew through his mind, he wished he could take it back.

Because as he walked to his bedroom door, reaching his hand up to open it and go take the shower
he forgot about the night before when he came back with Olivia, too wrapped up in his own
thoughts, the doorbell rang. The sound was so harsh and foreign in that still silence that it made
him jump. And Felix had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, that it wasn’t the neighbor, in
need of some sugar or flour, that was now waiting at the door.
 You Don't Get It
Chapter Notes

Why, hello there! It's 4am for me so it's officially the 27th, which means.. HAPPY
INOS DAY! Today marks the one year anniversary of the very first chapter of In Need
of Sunshine and since it's a very special occasion, I thought you might want a very
special update.. So, here it is~ ♥

From his vantage point at the very top of the stairs, Felix couldn’t be sure if there was any
movement downstairs, anyone going to open the door in his stead. He knew it was stupid, he would
have to go downstairs, face whoever was on the other side of the front door sooner or later and
having someone else brush the first assault by opening the door in his place wasn’t going to
change that. The most probable scenario was obviously that someone else, a friend of the family, a
colleague, the mail man, was at the door. But after his talk with his little sister the day before, Felix
couldn’t drag out of his brain the idea that Chan now knew where he was, that the others probably
knew too. Of course, neither Chan nor any of them would make that long a trip after he disappeared
without a world. Would they?

Felix couldn’t erase the image of his nightmare, of Hyunjin laughing at the idea of loving him,
from his mind. But he couldn’t stop wondering if the visitor waiting at the door might be him as
well. And the idea of it filled him with a mix of emotion his tired body and numb brain weren’t
able to process properly. On one hand, Felix was thrilled at the prospect, having those he loved and
cherished so dearly in front of his eyes again, just a few steps away from a hug or a single touch. It
was all he ever wanted, all he dreamed about during those long months of isolation, far away from
them. But on the other hand, he was terrified. He knew the way he left was wrong. He also knew
he didn’ have a choice, that he did it for them, for their future. But they didn’t know that and none
of his excuses would ever erase his acts nor the pain and confusion that was most likely brought by
it.

But there was something else that got Felix scared, the real reason why his feet were stubbornly
glued to the floor, why his body categorically refused to advance in his descent: he couldn’t go
back. Of course there was nothing he wanted more, but it was simply impossible. Even for them to
be here was dangerous. One wrong look, wrong move and his father would make good on his
threat, no matter how long Felix had held on to his rules and stayed as far away from them all as
humanly possible. This was the reason he had left, the reason he had accepted and welcomed all
the hurt and pain he went through during those months apart. To protect them. He couldn’t let all
that go to waste. Not now, not ever.

When the doorbell rang a second time, loudly and clearly resonating through the whole house; it
jolted Felix’s mind back to the present. Nothing was going to change by staring at the bottom of the
stairs and now was the time to bite the bullet. As he walked down step after step, he tried really
hard to remind himself there was no reason for it to be Chan, Hyunjin or any of them behind the
door, but no matter how hard he thought about it, no matter how many times he repeated those
words, he couldn’t pry away from the feeling that it could be no one but them after all.

But as he arrived down the stairs, gathering his courage to make the few last decisive steps
forward, he looked up and saw Olivia, his sister, swiftly opening the door before he could do it
himself. And for what felt like an eternity, time seemed to freeze itself around Felix.

“ Oh.. It’s you. ”

Olivia’s voice sounded muffled to Felix’s ear, nothing more than a whisper underwater, while his
whole brain, his whole being was focused on the door. His sister was holding it at such an angle
that all he could see was her back and the door itself, some sunshine sifting through the opening,
but not who was standing on the other side. And still, all his nerves were shot, his hair standing on
his forearms and the nape of his neck, his very soul preparing itself to see the scowl on Chan’s
face, the hurt in Hyunjin’s eyes, the contained happiness on Jisung’s twitching lips. He was so
hyper focused on all those thoughts that he didn’t notice the shift in Olivia’s tone, nor did he realize
when the young girl turned towards him, her mouth dropping slightly in a sorry, almost saddened
expression as soon as she took notice of him standing there, hope and fear battling on his features.

“ It’s for you.. ” she said, suddenly standing next to him, her hand squeezing his shoulder ever so
slightly.

Finally he looked up at her, prying himself from his daze with difficulty. He peered into her brown
orbs, so similar to his own and, so discreetly that he thought he’s tired brain had imagined it, she
shook her head. His mind knew what it meant but his body refused to come to the same conclusion
when he turned his eyes back to the door, a figure finally stepping inside, just a shadow against the
bright sun pouring in from the doorway.

“ Felix.. ” the newcomer said, taking a few steps, so close to finally reveal themselves without the
sun hiding their features.

It was a familiar voice. A voice he knew all too well. A voice he had heard for many days, listened
to for many hours. But it wasn’t the voice he was hoping to hear.

“ Felix, say something.. ” Isla pleaded, now standing in front of him, her shoulder slumped and a
guilty expression on her face as she nervously nibbled her bottom lip. “ Are you mad at me? ” she
sighed. “ You know I didn’t say those things to hurt you.. You know I would never.. Right? ” she
continued seeing that he wasn’t responding to her. In her usual fashion, she was talking fast,
blurting out what was on her mind without taking much note of what the expression on Felix’s face
actually meant. “ You can’t be mad at me forever, can you? ”

But Felix barely heard Isla’s words, barely registered anything she had said. All he could hear was
the furious, thunderous beating of his own heart, the distinctive sound of it shattering for the
umpteenth time, all its pieces clattering on the floor. He didn’t know exactly when he had let go of
the grip he had on his emotions, when he had allowed himself to feel again despite swearing he
couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t know when he had actually started to hope again, started to let
his brain forget the reality of his situation and, instead, wish for Hyunjin himself to step out of this
flood of sunlight and be the one standing in front of him. He didn’t know when he had allowed
himself to be so foolish and naïve once more. But he had. He knew he had. Because right now, he
was hurting like hell.

A few steps away from him, where Hyunjin’s tall and graceful body should’ve been standing, there
instead was Isla’s small frame. The long black hair, the angular face, the tiny mole under gorgeous
expressive, lovely eyes, that he had wanted to be met with, were now replaced by a long ginger
mane, cheeks speckled with almost as many freckles as Felix’s own face, green eyes almost
impatiently peering at him, waiting for a reaction, waiting for an answer. But he didn’t have one,
not when the two images - the one of what should’ve, what could’ve been, and the one that was his
reality - kept overlapping in his mind.
“ Seriously Felix? ” Isla sighed, a little louder, sounding maybe a bit more annoyed than worried or
guilty this time. If not enough to drag Felix back to reality, then enough at least, to catch the
attention of Olivia who, instead of going back to her room, had set herself in the living room, not so
discreetly keeping an eye and an ear on the whole situation. “ Is it that bad that I said you should
move on? ” she shook her head. “ Is it just because of that picture? I showed it to you because I
thought you should know that.. ”

A lot of things happened at the same time before Isla could even finish her sentence. A door further
in the room opened, a set of determined, heavy footsteps sounding in the distance, closing in. Even
Felix, who had been lost in his own feelings, reacted to the too familiar sound, his head jerking up,
his eyes drifting to look over Isla’s shoulder. That very same sound had Olivia jolt up from her
chair and make her way back to where Felix and Isla were standing, looking towards the tall, broad
shouldered man walking in their direction. His hair, that had been slowly turning salt and pepper,
was very neatly brushed and slicked back onto his head and he had this constant look of contempt
mixed with barely contained disgusted, ever present on his face. Mister Lee was a presence to
behold. A presence only Isla seemed still blissfully unaware of.

“What is it that you should know? ” the deep voice asked, his tone polite, almost conversational.

But Felix couldn’t be fooled and his whole body tensed at the sound. Somehow his father sensed
that this conversation was about a forbidden topic, he was sure of it. Meanwhile Isla almost
jumped at the sound, turning around with a hand on her chest before chuckling when she gazed
upon the newcomer, slightly bowing with a smile.

“ Oh, hi, you must be Mister Lee! ” she jovially announced, a chuckle still in her voice.

“ And you are.. a friend of my son, I take it? ” he asked in response, his eyes fixed on Felix himself,
instead of Isla who he was addressing. His tone was not impressed, if anything he seemed to be
silently judging Felix’s poor choices. “ What is it that you should know? ” he asked again, this time
his carefully crafted facade and fake smile faltering ever so slightly, letting the hint of a scowl
appear between his brows, even if just for a second before the mask fell back into place.

Felix opened his mouth, once, twice, no words coming out. He wasn’t proud, at his age, to admit
just how scared he was of his own father. But the fear wasn’t only for himself, not anymore.
Because he didn't want his father to know he had been talking about the boys, didn’t want his
father to get it into his head that he had to act, since Felix hadn’t moved on like he had been
ordered to since the second they had set foot back in Australia. The simple idea of it paralized him
more than his father's deathly glare ever could. But suddenly Olivia grabbed Felix’s forearm and as
he saw her direct her dazzling smile towards their father, the one he had seen her use time and time
again with her little group of followers in that elite school of hers, he felt overwhelmingly grateful
to have her there, for once.

“ Felix, didn’t you just say you were going to the park to study? ” Olivia mused, the inflexion of
her voice just a bit too high to be perfectly natural. “ You have a surprise exam on Friday.. That’s
what your friend came to let you know.. right? ” she insisted, nodding her head in Felix’s and,
especially Isla’s direction, hoping the other girl could take a hint, despite how obtuse to Felix’s
distress she had seemed to be so far.

“ Oh.. Right! ” Felix suddenly exclaimed, his eyes furiously blinking from still being caught off
guard, his father’s stare drilling a hole in his skull as he tried his best to evade his eye. “ We really
need to study, there’s a lot of material to go over! ” he added in a haste, looking towards Isla
pointedly before daring to take a peek at his father. “ You don’t mind, right? ” he asked, already
ready to bolt as far as possible.
“ Actually I.. ” their father started, frowning.

“ You know dad, while we’re on the subject of studies.. ” Olivia promptly cut him off, that perfectly
well crafted smile still on her lips, her eyelashes fluttering ever so slightly as she dragged the word
“dad” just a second longer than necessary. Felix was always impressed at how good of an actress
and manipulator Olivia had become over the years. “ I’ve been thinking.. ” she moved herself to get
closer to her father, a small pensive pout on her lips. “ Maybe I should become a surgeon after all,
like mom.. ” she added, tilting her head at the perfect angle, grabbing her father’s arm in her small
fingers and, with it, the majority of his attention at the same time.

After all, he had been supportive of Olivia focusing on her ice skating because her blossoming
fame in the field was reflecting well on their family, but having her becoming either a lawyer like
him, or a doctor like her mother, was the ultimate dream for the Lee father. As Olivia slowly
started to drag her father away, talking and talking, she discreetly eyed Felix, which was enough for
him to get the cue. Holding his breath unconsciously, he grabbed Isla’s shoulders, hastily pushing
her towards the front door. His friend seemed confused but Felix’s main priority was to get away
before his father could turn back on his heels, hoping to get far from the house and avoid the
altercation that had almost taken place the second before.

“. .and so maybe you can tell me about.. ”

Felix heard Olivia’s voice, in the distance, continuing her ongoing charade. But soon enough he
had passed the threshold, jumped down the three small steps that bridged the street and the house
and, only after a few more strides on the sidewalk did he let go of Isla, and of the breath he had
been holding, letting his hands fall to his sides and his shoulders slump, his body instinctively
walking towards the park Olivia had mentioned. Even if it had been a lie on her part, a diversion,
having this conversation with Isla there felt safer than simply hanging around in the street near the
house. And so without a look behind, or a glance for his friend, he kept walking.

The short trip there was made mostly in silence. Isla had tried a few times to call out to Felix, but
the look on his face and his overall demeanor probably dissuaded her, because after a while she
stopped calling his name and simply followed. Only once they had reached the park that Olivia
had mentioned, Felix finally turning to look Isla dead in the eye, did she open her mouth to speak
again. But, for a second, she didn’t look as assured as she was before, because for maybe what was
the first time ever, she saw Felix with a different expression than what she was used to. In his eyes
and the set of his mouth, it wasn’t sadness, apathy or quiet discontentment she saw, but true
annoyance, tinged with the usual hurt that had always lingered on his features since the day they
had met months ago.

“ What was that all about? Was it really necessary?” she asked with a frown, her usual confidence
back in a snap.

“ What do you want, Isla? ” Felix asked.

He couldn’t bother to keep his annoyance from seeping in every word, he was tired of it all, tired of
the hurt, tired of the shattered hope, tired of having to either stay silent about the storm inside
himself or to constantly explain his every thought on the matter because nobody could simply
leave him to handle the loss and heartbreak on his own. It would be so much easier if people
weren’t constantly waiting for something, anything, from him. So much easier if he could simply
become an empty shell, devoid of feelings and memories, without people scrutinizing his
inexorable fall, judging every second of it like they had any idea what it felt like, trying to drag him
back to the surface, where he had no desire to ever be again.

“ What’s with you?” Isla mused, her frown deepening at the bite in Felix’s tone. “ You are mad at
me, aren’t you?”

“ I’m not mad. ” he shook his head in response. He wasn’t, because no matter how much what she
showed him, said to him, had hurt, he also knew that she hadn’t lied. He should have tried to move
on. He simply didn’t have the strength nor the desire to. Ever. “ I just.. I don’t understand what you
want from me? ” he sighed, his hand coming to scrub his face, more frustrated than anything else
by now. “ I love him. I haven’t moved on. I’m heartbroken that he has. And so what? Is this what
you wanted to hear? I just. .” he ruffled his own hair, the dark strands he had been forced to wear
since his return contrasting so completely with his soft skin. “ I don’t understand what you want
me to do Isla. .”

“ I want you to look at me! ” she suddenly exclaimed, taking Felix by surprise. He slightly gestured
his hands between them, his brows slowly forming into a frown as if he was silently telling her ‘but
I am looking at you right now’. At that, Isla sighed loudly, her hands that had been in her pockets
to fight the cold, now falling at her sides. “ You don’t get it, do you? ”

Felix, indeed, didn’t understand the sudden shift in the conversation, the change in Isla’s face and
tone. He had spent hours with her almost every day since his return, had listened to all her tales,
stories and gossip, had been there to lend a shoulder in comfortable silence when she had a very
rare bad day. He couldn’t understand what reproach she could have, after all this time, when
despite everything on his mind and his heart, he had tried his very best to be a good friend to her,
even when she was trying to teeter on the edge of his boundaries, bringing up his ex-bandmates in
conversations, against his explicit wishes. How did he manage to mess that up, to not be enough,
once more? He wasn’t exactly sure.

“ What is that supposed to mean? ” he asked, his frown proeminent between his brows now.

The next instant moved both in slow motion and at the speed of light, Felix unaware of what was
happening until it was over. One moment they were talking, looking at each other, Felix trying to
read the microexpressions that could, maybe, help him decypher what the issue was, what he had
done or said wrong once again, trying to brace himself for the reproaches and the regrets he was
inevitably going to be faced with. And the next, a pair of lips were against his, arms around his
neck, a body slightly pressed close to his chest. And all he could do was stand there, arms hanging
by his sides, eyes wide with shock, realization not settling in just yet. Out of all the scenarios he
had played in his mind in the last few minutes, out of all the things that could’ve been said or done
given their previous conversation, given the history they had had together up to that point, this one
had never even been an option.

Warmth was seeping into his body, against his chest, on his lips, a shocking contrast to the cold
winter air that had been biting his skin a second before. But his mind, however, was as frozen as a
lake in the depth of a blizzard. No thoughts, no reaction, just pure and utter shock at the lips firmly
pressed against his, at the hot breath so close to his face, at the fingers unconsciously tangling
themselves in the small hair at the nape of his neck, at the fabric of his clothes so tightly pressed
between their two bodies. And as if handling the present situation, as if comprehending what was
really happening, was too complex, his brain jumped back to another time, another place, but a
similar situation. Him and Hyunjin sharing soft kisses in their bed as they said goodnight, him and
Hyunjin stealing quick kisses when they passed each other in the kitchen, before anyone could see
them, him and Hyunjin panting and moaning in each others mouths as they exchanged passionate
kisses in the confine of their room, their safe haven. This kiss, here and now, was bringing all those
images back, all those memories he had tried so hard and for so long to suppress, were now just
there, open and raw, on the surface of his mind, where he wanted them the least. All because of one
new kiss.

As he was standing there, his mind reeling, Isla in front of him, tiptoeing to hang onto his lips, as
he was struggling to piece together a course of action, Felix didn’t notice the two silhouettes, a few
feet away, watching the whole scene unfold. He couldn’t have heard the shattering of a heart nor
see the face of the taller form fall as it turned on its heels, walking away.
 Take Him Back

The plane ride had been tiring, not because of how long the trip between Korea and Australia was,
but for the sole reason that neither Chan nor Hyunjin could simply bear the thought of closing their
eyes. Maybe it was the anxiety, the rush of not only boarding a plane on a whim but to have found
out information about Felix, their Felix, to be on their way to see him again. Or maybe it was
simpler than that, deeper. Maybe it was because the two men, the two people who loved Felix the
most, who had suffered the most from his absence, where viscerally terrified that if they closed
their eyes for just a second, they would realize when they opened them back up, that this whole
situation was nothing but a dream, that they were safely back in their individual bedrooms and that
Felix was still gone, still nowhere to be found.

A few times during the flight, Chan had tried to read, tried to open his laptop and work, tried to
busy both his body and his mind, to no avail. Hyunjin on the other hand, sat completely still, his
eyes fixed on his fidgeting fingers, glazed over, for what could’ve been hours after hours, until
Chan realized the state he was in and softly slid his hand in Hyunjin’s warm palm. They didn’t turn
to look at each other, Chan looking through the window, gazing at the clouds, and Hyunjin’s eyes
pressed shut for a second. It was like a silent conversation that didn’t need to be had. They
understood all too well what was going on inside each other. But even without turning his head to
look at Hyunjin, when Chan squeezed softly his long fingers, he could swear he heard the other
boy let out a breath he seemed to have been holding, shaky and heavy.

Most of the rest of the flight was exactly that, the two boys with joined hands, trying to share the
burden, share the worry and the anxiety without exchanging a single word despite that. The closer
to their destination they got and the more panicked Hyunjin looked, every time Chan stole little
glimpses at him. And once the plane had finally boarded, the younger man was visibly shaking,
Chan gripping his hand so tightly in return that he was almost scared to leave a mark. But the truth
was, he was just as unnerved as Hyunjin was, simply trying to keep his game face on as to reassure
Hyunjin, and himself, like the leader, the father he was. Maybe that was why the two of them
didn’t break the link between them until way after they got out of the plane, grabbing the very
small bags they had each brought with them.

When finally they stepped foot outside the airport and into the street, the cold air ruffling their
slightly unkempt hair, Chan let go of Hyunjin’s warm hand, almost unwillingly, fixing his bag on
his shoulder with a long sigh. It was weird for him to see the streets and architecture he knew so
well but hadn’t seen in years.

“Do you know the address..?” Hyunjin asked next to him, his voice so small Chan had to strain his
ear to hear him over the daily cacophony of the Australian streets.

Chan offered a nod in return. He couldn’t completely refrain the small smile that crept at the
corner of his lips, reminiscing about his youth, and all the times he and Felix had slept over at each
other’s house on a whim, showing up at each other’s door when it was already night out, for the
simple reason that they could, since they almost lived across from each other.

“I think I can manage.” he said, his smile disappearing as quickly as he had appeared, remembering
the months leading to this fateful moment but also reminding himself of where he was going, and
who might greet them there.

As he led the way, maneuvering through the busy streets and successfully getting the attention of a
cab, hushering Hyunjin inside before sitting next to him, reciting by heart this old address he knew
as well as his own to the driver, Chan was remembering other memories. Less joyful, less
wholesome ones. Memories that involved a lot of shouts, a lot of fights between his own parents
and Felix’s, a lot of nights where both boys had to listen through the thin walls to both their
mothers arguing about them. Felix’s parents were constantly dreading the fact that Chan was
friends with Felix, was leading him down the wrong road and putting useless ideas in his
impressionable little head. Sometimes, Felix’s parents, his mother in particular, would go as far as
to accuse Chan’s family of not raising their children well, implying that they simply didn’t raise
Chan by controlling and restricting his every thought and moves, like those people had always
tried to do with Felix.

Why his parents continued to endure the insults and, more importantly, why Felix’s parents had
continued to let Chan come over and spend time with Felix was still quite of a mystery to him.
When it came to his own family, Chan had no doubt that it came down to the simple fact that they
knew how close the two boys were, without even taking in consideration that Olivia and Lucas had
already formed their own little friendship as well because of their older brothers, and they couldn’t
bear the thought of prying them away from one another. As for Felix’s parents, maybe it was as
simple as the fact that Chan’s family, like Felix’s, was very affluent, with good connections and
money. And in the world of the rich and powerful, it was better to grit your teeth and stay on good
terms rather than make enemies, just in case. Felix’s father had always been more than aware of
that fact, playing power games and focusing solely on how good his family name was received,
going as far as dictating the whole life and career paths of his children to make himself look better
in society. So maybe this greediness, this superficiality, was the only thing that had made it
possible for Chan and Felix to stay with each other for so long.

The cab ride wasn’t that long, the part of town where both families resided being quite close, and
neither Hyunjin nor Chan talked much, Chan only giving polite responses to the cab driver trying to
make some small talk. When the car pulled over and they got out, it wasn’t in front of Felix’s
house, but Chan’s instead. He had texted his mother before leaving and had found out that, sadly,
both his parents were out of town on a business trip, Lucas the only member of their family left in
the house, now deemed old enough to take care of himself for a short three days. Of course his
mom had assured Chan that despite them being away, he was always free to use his old room for
however long he planned on staying, profusely apologizing for missing her son’s return after so
long without seeing each other at the same time.

Finding the key under the potted plant next to the door, the same spot it had resided in for the last
15 years at the very least, Chan entered the house, quickly explaining to Hyunjin the situation, the
fact that Felix’s house was less than three minutes away and that they would drop their stuff in his
old room before going straight there. But Hyunjin, despite how stressed he was, was looking
around astonished. He knew Chan had money, he had been the one buying the house they all lived
in, the one paying for most of the equipment they had installed in the downstairs studio, as well as
all the instruments they owned. He had always refused that any of them took on unnecessary part
time jobs or paid him rent, despite some of them, like Minho, finding loopholes around it to drop
the money straight into Chan’s account or, like Seungmin, who made sure he paid for all the
groceries out of his own pocket to, at least, have the sense that he was contributing monetarily. But
despite all those tells that Chan had always been pretty comfortable where money was concerned,
Hyunjin never expected Chan to be quite that rich. Not, at the very least, to the point of having
grown up in a house looking more like a modern manor than anything else, the whole building four
times the size of the house the eight of them had shared, if not more.

But clearly now was not the time for questions and so, just like Chan had described, both men
dropped their small bags in a room that had been, years prior, Chan’s bedroom, all his old posters
and memorabilias still laying around, a bed with clean sheets in one corner and not a speck of dust
to be seen. It was clear the room was being kept intact, and kept clean, in hopes that it would be
used again by its old owner, finally coming back for a family reunion. He was now back but sadly
the conditions behind this return weren’t ideal and the only family he was going to be faced with
wasn’t his own, but the one living across the street, that not only had hated him for a long time but
that he, himself still hated right back for the way they had treated his best friend, for the way they
had made him convinced of how little he mattered and how little talent he had.

If the long flight between Korea and Australia seemed tense, it was nothing compared to the sheer
anxiety hanging like a thick fog around the both of them as they walked from one house to the
next, stopping in front a big building, almost identical to Chan’s own house, in even less time than
what Chan had previously announced. For a half a second, that seemed to stretch on for a whole
eternity, Hyunjin and Chan just stood there, at the bottom of the three tiny steps that led to the
front door, simply staring at the slab of wood, one with a look of sheer panic on his face and the
other one with apprehension, his heart hammering in his chest.

Neither of them seemed too keen on being the one breaking the daze, being the one knocking on
the door or ringing the bell. Both of them couldn’t wait to see Felix, had wanted nothing more in
the last few months but to peer upon his angelic face, even for just a second. And thinking that this
wish was in their grasp, that their sunshine was somewhere in that house, just a few feet from them,
was exhilarating, but more than anything, it was terrifying.

Chan was scared of the state he would find Felix in. For him to be back in this house, with those
people, he knew that either something awful happened between him and Hyunjin that left Felix
with no other choice than to run back to the only place he had left or, he hadn’t been given a say in
the matter. One way or another, he knew for a fact that things had only been hard for him in that
house, no matter the reason and events that led him back there. The leader had been scared that
things would turn out sour between Hyunjin and Felix, knowing how fragile both boys were when
feelings were involved, but he also knew that despite everything, the love they shared was true and
that no matter what happened, Hyunjin would have never been able to hurt Felix deeply enough to
make him flee back to his own personal hell that he had so recently managed to escape. Hyunjin,
who regarded Felix like some kind of god amongst men, that had cried rivers and oceans from
losing the warmth of his presence, that had never smiled brighter, never looked more alive, than
when Felix had been right in his line of sight, would have been physically incapable of it.

As for Hyunjin, his fear was vastly different. Because Felix had left because of him; he had scared
the love of his life away with his feelings and even though he had run over without a single ounce
of hesitation when he had finally learned where Felix was, he had no idea if the boy would even
accept to see him, if he had any desire to. He was terrified that Felix would refuse to see him, that
he would be able to see his sunny face, the constellations on his cheeks and the light shining in his
beautiful, expressive eyes, only for him to close the door back in his face, breaking the last shred of
hope Hyunjin’s soul was clinging onto that, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have to live his whole
life without him. Worse even that the haunting thought of being rejected once more, worse than the
idea that Felix was done with him for good, Hyunjin couldn’t chase away the terrorizing idea that
Felix could’ve realized how useless, how unloveable Hyunjin was, realized that he deserved so
much better and found what he needed, what he was worthy of, in someone else, leaving Hyunjin to
accept that he was nothing but the trash his mother had always said he was.

Maybe the two of them had been frozen in place longer than they thought, because when finally
the door opened, the sound of it jolting them back to reality, it wasn’t because either of them had
knocked. In fact, it had opened on its own, without any intervention from either Chan or Hyunjin.
For a split second, Hyunjin's breath caught in his throat. Freckles and big bright eyes were the first
things that met his eye and his heart jumped his chest before dropping. The small, frail frame, the
long black hair, the tinge of pink eyeshadow.. None of that belonged to Felix. He remembered
seeing that face on Felix’s phone months before. Olivia. But the resemblance between the two was
even more jarring in person and he couldn’t do anything but gape, cataloging every tiny thing
reminding him of Felix in his little sisters face, his soul desperate to finally see something so
reminiscent of his lost love, his eyes glued to the freckles, so similar to the ones he had spent hours
counting during sleepless nights, when Felix was peacefully resting in his arms.

Chan himself seemed at a loss for words when Olivia’s face flashed behind the suddenly opened
door. His mouth slightly open, he stared at Olivia, who stared right back at him, her eyes drifting to
Hyunjin’s frame and then back to her brother’s best friend. He hadn’t seen Olivia face to face in
years and the last time he had stood there, she was still nothing more than a child. Now, standing in
front of him, was a young girl, she was so much taller than she had been. Still small, resembling
Felix’s frame so much more now than before, her features had become sharper, more defined and
the simple way she stood showed how far she had come, how much she had grown and how she
had already found herself. Chan would’ve been in awe at all those changes, if he wasn’t too
stunned already.

“ Olivia, don’t stand in the doorway with the door open! ” a voice called from behind the young
girl, breaking the daze that had settled between the three of them.

From behind Olivia appeared an older woman, the exact same features that both Felix and his
sisters shared, adorning her face, the small wrinkles around her eyes the only clear distinction from
her children. Contrary to Olivia, Ms Lee hadn’t changed at all since Chan last saw her. And the
look of pure disgust on her face when she pushed Olivia aside, looking her unwanted visitors up
and down before watching Chan with her chin raised high, was the exact same one he remembered
from all those years ago.

“ You. ” she sneered, even speaking his name seemingly being beneath her. “ You’re not welcome
here!” she added crossing her arms . “ My son wants nothing to do with your sort .” the look of
contempt on her face as she announced that, was getting on Chan’s nerve, but she wasn’t done. “
The fact that he never contacted you again should’ve been enough for you to take the hint, don’t
you think? ”

The older woman seemed so proud of herself in that instant, as if she had just revealed her evil
masterplan, leaving Chan powerless against her. Anger was nothing compared to the guttural
feelings that were rising in his chest, because that simple smirk on her red stained lips was enough
to make him understand part of the situation. Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised, knowing
who he was dealing with. He didn’t have to ask questions to know, now, that the silence they had
all been subjected to had never been out of Felix’s free will. No, his parents had made absolutely
sure that the boy was unable, one way or another, to ever reach his bandmates, his real family.

Maybe Hyunjin felt what was going on as well because from the corner of his eye, Chan could see
him close his fists, his body shifting, his face closing in a cold expression. And he knew, no matter
how much he disliked that woman and how much he felt disgusted at her behavior and at the first
hints of the events that had transpired here following Felix’s disappearance, he needed to deal with
the situation now, quickly, before Hyunjin snapped. The boy may not have been known for his bad
or short temper, but they all had been through a lot in the past months, him most of all and the rope
of his nerves was so taut that Chan knew it could break at any moment and now was probably the
worst time possible for it to happen.
“ Where is he? ” Chan asked, his voice even colder than he thought it would be, the anger barely
disguised in it.

It was so unlike him to sound like that, so unlike him to have anger simmer under his skin against
anyone really, to the point that his tone surprised even Hyunjin. Felix’s mother too, seemed taken
aback for a second, before her mask of perfect composure and that infuriating sneer slipped back on
her face.

“ Not here. And even if he was, like I said he wants nothing to do with you. ” she almost spat,
already taking a step back inside the house, a hand on the edge of the door, ready to close it in their
faces. “ Go back to that hole you call home Christoher, with all your little friends. My son will
make something of his life, unlike all of you. So don’t try to drag him down again, you’ve done
more than enough damage. ” and with that tirade out of the way she, indeed, closed the door
without so much as another word.

Chan just stood there for half a second, his eyes burning with so much animosity that he could’ve
burned a hole through the door if he stayed still, looking at it, long enough. But he knew there was
no point in it, knew Felix’s parents well enough to be aware that waiting for them to change their
mind, opening the door back up and offering them a cup of coffee while they all waited for Felix to
come back home, was never going to happen. Prying his eyes from the door with difficulty, he
turned towards Hyunjin that was still staring at the slab of wood behind which Felix’s mom had
disappeared. His face was cold, but his whole body was tense, and Chan could so clearly see his
hands shaking that his own expression softened instantly as he reached his hand, squeezing
Hyunjin’s shoulder, the gaze of the younger finally meeting his own.

“Come on, let’s go back..” he gently said, giving Hyunjin’s shoulder one more squeeze before
letting his hand drop, swiftly sliding it in his pocket. He could see that Hyunjin was about to object
and he could understand it to; They had come all this way, for Felix, to see him, to bring him back
and Hyunjin couldn’t understand, couldn’t accept to stop now, right in front of his door, just
because of what just happened. “We’re not giving up on him Jinnie, I promise.. But there’s nothing
more we can do now, we’ll try again later..” he explained, with all the patience and gentleness he
could muster despite the earlier events, wanting to soothe the younger’s mind as best he could, at
the very least.

And with those words, Chan turned on his heels, already walking a few steps away from the house.
After one long desperate look towards the door, Hyunjin did the same. Or at least, he was intending
to, but not sooner than he had put one foot in front of the other, did a voice call out.

“ Wait! ”

Olivia, grabbing onto the long sleeve of Hyunjin’s coat, was looking up at him, then Chan, that had
stopped as well, hearing her plea, and then back to Hyunjin. Her eyes were red and it seemed like
she was trying her hardest not to cry. She looked so much like Felix, trying to act strong for others’
benefit, but so fragile and soft inside, that it took Hyunjin’s breath away for a second, his own eyes
burning at the thought.

“ Please.. ” she said, looking Hyunjin so seriously, almost begging. Once more her eyes turned to
Chan, despite her fingers still being firmly clenched around the fabric of Hyunjin’s sleeve. Maybe
she realized that directing her English words to Chan would be more efficient, because when she
spoke again, her eyes were still on him.

“ He left not even 20 minutes ago.. He should be at the park.. ” she explained, the tears clear in the
corner of her eyes. She scrunched up her nose, in that same exact way Felix always did, that little
thing that Hyunjin loved so much about him, trying to keep her tears at bay with determination. “
Please.. ” she begged again, her brown orbs, Felix’s orbs, drifting back to Hyunjin. “ Please.. do
something.. ” her voice cracked slightly.

“I promise.. ” Hyunjin replied, his English so much clearer, so much sharper than it had been
months ago. “ Thank you.. ”

Hyunjin offered a nod, so genuine and full of understanding, to Olivia. It was clear she was in pain.
He didn’t know the girl, but he knew Felix. He knew every expression of his, every tiny shift of his
face, even when he was trying so hard to hide everything in that little head of his. She may not be
Felix, but her face, her eyes, were as incapable of lying to him as he was. She nodded back and
finally let go of his sleeve, her head, her whole body, turning to peer at Chan a few steps away
once more. She stared at him in silence for a whole second, but when Chan, with the softest,
saddest smile on his lips, opened his inviting arms, she instantly ran to him, slamming herself
against him with her arms wrapped tightly around his chest. And as he lifted his hand, giving her a
small pat on the head before softly caressing her hair, like you would do a child, finally she
sobbed.

After a few seconds of her shoulders shaking, her head buried deep in Chan’s chest, as he simply
stood there, soothing her in comforting silence, Hyunjin watching from afar, giving them that
second, Olivia sniffled and raised her head. When Chan looked down at her with a smile however,
her ears and cheeks turned bright red in a matter of seconds and she looked down furiously, Chan
unable to hide the tiny chuckle that escaped his throat. She hadn’t changed that much after all.
Physically she was older, but inside she was still that same small little girl he knew so well. As if
on cue, she took her arms away from around him and, with her tiny feast, started half heartedly
beating Chan’s chest.

“ Idiot, stupid moron. Idiot. ” she muttered under her breath. “ Why did it take you so long.. ” she
added, her voice filled with emotions once again as her hand finally fell to her sides.

“ I’m sorry.. ” he offered, genuinely, his hand reaching up for one more pat on her head before
going back in his pocket.

“ You need to take him back Chris.. Whatever happens, whatever he says.. promise you’ll take him
back ..” her eyes were so pleading, almost tear-filled once more, but what really broke Chan’s heart
was the desperation in her tone. Never had he heard her sound that desperate before and he knew,
by that only, that things with Felix were even worse than he had initially thought.

“ I promise, little one. ”

After that, the goodbyes were swift, Olivia knowing she had to go back inside before her mother
came looking for her, wondering where she went. And just as swiftly, after a simple look of mutual
understanding between Chan and Hyunjin, they started to make their way towards the park Olivia
had pointed to them, Chan knowing the way and Hyunjin following. Once more the walk was
mostly spent in anxious silence, the tension of finally being faced with Felix building up again.

When they arrived at the spot, they looked around for a bit, but it didn’t take long for them to
realize only two people seemed to be around, farther away. One of those two silhouettes in the
distance looked way too familiar. The hair color was all wrong and his frame seemed hunched
over, frail compared to the gracious and lively man they knew, but there was no doubt it was him.
Neither of them breathed as they took a few more steps forwards, eyes glued on Felix’s small
frame, clearly in deep conversation with his interlocutor.
They weren’t that far away anymore, close enough that all Hyunjin had to do would’ve been to
scream his name, and Felix’s perfect face would have turned in his direction, gorgeous eyes
locking with his, stealing his breath away like it always did. And maybe Hyunjin would’ve done
exactly that, an excitement bubbling in the pit of his stomach, slowly overtaking the fear and
anxiety, if only he had any time to open his mouth. But Hyunjin blinked once and, in that quarter of
a second, everything about the scene in front of him seemed to shift completely. Felix, his Felix,
his love and sunshine, the boy that had been in his arms, under him, around him.. had someone
else’s lips pressed on his.

The sound of his heart shattering completely in his chest, getting obliterated, was so deafening in
his ear that it seemed like everything else around him had gone completely silent. The hole in his
chest had become a dull ache in the past few months, still hurting when he was alone in their room
but something he had learned to live with. But now, that hole was burning anew, as if Felix had
ripped his heart out a second time, right this second. But he had known, hadn’t he? He had
suspected, imagined. He had feared that Felix had moved on, and found that person that was really
deserving to be with him, that person so much better than Hyunjin himself was. He should’ve been
prepared for it to be a reality, but he wasn’t. In that corner of his brain that he thought he had
closed off, he still saw Felix as his, still thought he was the only one allowed to touch this skin, to
count those freckles, to kiss those lips. But the harsh reality was different and it was too much, too
hard..

So before the tears could freely roll down his face, before his knees could give under him, leaving
him sobbing and shaking on the floor at that rejection, that loss that he should’ve learn to accept
for months already, before all that could happen, Hyunjin turned on his heels and ran away, not
seeing Chan trying to reach for him, not hearing his name called behind him by his leader, and
certainly not witnessing the exact moment when Felix turned around, alarmed by the noise, and
finally set those expressive eyes on him like he had dreamed off during all those months.
 Tell Me Everything

The daze was over as soon as it started. A second passed but in Felix’s mind it felt like long,
neverending minutes. No matter how long it really was, he knew it wasn’t something he wanted.
He didn’t know if Isla was doing it because she had genuine feelings, because she was lonely or
simply because of who he was, who he used to be. But he knew no matter what her motives were,
he couldn’t feel the same, couldn’t accept it. Not when the only thing her lips on his brought inside
him were memories of the only man he loved, the only person he ever wanted to touch him like
that. So he leaned back, pushing Isla away gently.

The expression in her eyes was clear, she knew before he said anything and she wasn’t happy about
it, but before either of them could explain anything to the other, loud voices echoed from farther
away. And the second it did, Felix’s mind froze, his head turning at the speed of light. Maybe he
was crazy, maybe the sadness, the hurt, the loneliness, maybe it made him hear Chan’s voice,
maybe it made him understand the name of Hyunjin when in reality it was nothing but a passerby
calling after their friend. Maybe he had lost his mind for good.

But Chan was there, standing a few feet away. He was looking like a phantom from the past, a
memory Felix had conjured from the times the two of them roamed this park as teenagers. He was
there, looking at a tall figure rushing away. Not any figure. The silhouette that had been haunting
his dreams, the body that had been missing in his bed, the presence his whole heart and soul were
screaming for every second of every day. Not any figure, but Hyunjin, his Hyunjin, the air needed
in his lungs, the sun needed in the endless nights of his heart. Running away after seeing what had
just transpired. And Felix was frozen at the realization, completely unable to do, to say, to think
anything. Anything other than Hyunjin’s name, his eyes glued to the silhouette becoming smaller
and smaller, until it disappeared in the distance. And ever then, his eyes kept on staring at that
exact point in the horizon where he had disappeared from view.

Isla, more intrigued by the look on Felix’s face,starring in the distance, than by the noise itself had
turned her head as well a second later. Even the loud gasp coming out of her mouth when she
peered at Chan in the distance wasn’t enough to bring back Felix to the moment. She gripped his
sleeve, shaking his arm excitedly, clearly forgetting she had been rejected by him just a second
prior. This made him turn his head to look at her.

“ Is this.. Oh my god is this THE Bang Chan? ” she squealed, even more excited and flustered than
Felix had ever seen her. “ You’re gonna introduce me right!? ”

If Felix hadn’t been so dazed from Chan and Hyunjin’s sudden appearance, he would’ve found
Isla’s behavior strange. He had pushed her away just a second ago when she tried to kiss him after
clearly acting upset over the fact that Felix was still very much in love with Hyunjin. But now, she
was acting as if nothing of that meant anything, her only concern being to get a chance to talk with
the leader of Felix’s ex-band. Maybe, no matter how much Felix wished it was false, Isla was just
interested in who he had been, of the connections he had, of his place in the band. Maybe if she had
met Seungmin, Jisung or Changbin first, she would’ve acted the same way. Because it didn’t
matter who he was inside, simply that he was “that member from that band”. And he didn’t want to
think that way, didn’t want to doubt, but the way she was bouncing, shaking his arm as if she
hadn’t kissed him and been rejected the same day, was making it hard for him to see things another
way.

But Isla wasn’t his main concern, he couldn’t even be bothered to spare more than a glance at her
during her little number, because his focus very quickly shifted back to Chan. Chan that had turned
around, Chan that was looking right in his direction, his eyes that Felix knew better than his own,
peering straight into his brown orbs, Chan that paused for a second, seeming to gather his courage,
before taking the first step in Felix’s direction. And as each step, each second, drew him closer,
Felix held his breath a little longer.

The look in Felix’s eyes couldn’t be described as anything other than fear. He was afraid to face
Chan whom he had abandoned without a word, afraid that he might resent him, hate him, even
when he knew full well that his best friend would never be capable of either. He was scared that
Hyunjin was there, that he had seen Isla kiss him and fled, afraid of what it might mean; Because
he thought Hyunjin had moved on, he had seen that hug in the street on Isla’s phone but still he had
come all the way here and Felix didn’t know what to make of it, especially not now that the
situation was even more muddled after what Hyunjin himself had witnessed. But more than any of
that, he was terrified that the moment Chan would be in his space, so close to him, it would be all
over, that there would be no going back. Terrorized that he might forget why he came back, forget
the risks all so he could be back in Chan’s arms, safe and carefree. Absolutely haunted by the idea
that he might throw caution to the wind and ask his best friend to bring him home, to bring him
back to their family.

“ Felix, are you. .” Isla started, still trying to get his attention by shaking his arm.

“ Lix.. ”

His voice was enough, this nickname was enough. One second Chan was standing there, finally in
front of Felix, the two of them staring in each other’s eyes, unsure of how to proceed. The next,
Felix slammed his tiny body against Chan’s broad chest, his arms open just for him, forcing Isla to
let go of him without a single thought. He could’ve sworn he heard a strangled sob escape his best
friend's lips, but the sound was drowned by his own uncontrollable tears and hiccups as he buried
his face in Chan’s chest as tightly as he humanly could.

“ Channie.. ” Felix sobbed, barely a word and more a squeak of his voice, a tearful plea muffled in
Chan’s chest.

The hug was so warm, so tight that Felix almost felt like he was going to suffocate but he couldn’t
care. One of Chan’s arms was wrapped completely around his waist, sprawled through his back,
holding him in place firmly while his other hand was on Felix’s head, so gently stroking his hair,
slightly pressing his face against him even more as if the contact between the two of them couldn’t
ever be complete enough, as if they both wished for nothing more than to merge into one for more
closeness after this eternity apart.

Neither of them seemed to want to pry away, to be ready for the comfort of this touch to end, like
their hug was the only proof they had that this whole situation wasn’t just one more of their many
dreams, that they were together at last. But after everything, explanations were in order, there were
a lot of things to discuss and Chan more than anyone else was aware of it. After squeezing Felix’s
small body against him one last time, he forced himself to lean back. His arms were still around his
best friend but already they both felt the cold slither between them, making them miss that
closeness just that much more. Chan’s eyes seemed to scan Felix’s face, every inch of it, in a
meticulous inspection as he brought his hand to wipe a lost tear on Felix’s freckled cheek. By the
slight worried frown and tight set of his jaw, he didn’t seem happy with his findings and Felix
knew why. After all he looked like nothing more than a shell of the man he had been when his
friend last saw him.

“ I’m fine..” Felix offered a reassuring, small smile, maybe the most genuine smile that had
appeared on his face in months, despite the lie.
“ Don’t lie to me, Felix. ” Chan countered, slipping into his brotherly role so naturally, a full on
scowl on his face now.

“ I’m.. I- ” Felix started to stutter, only cut off by the faint sound of Isla, clearing her throat behind
him; her finger lightly poking his back.

Remembering they weren’t alone, Chan finally took a full step back, his arms, cold and empty,
falling at his side. Felix was still standing in place, just regretting that the touch, the warmth, the
comfort had been so short. And more than anything, feeling the annoyance he had forgotten about,
resurface quickly as he turned to look at Isla whose eyes were glued to Chan, sparkling like she
was facing the biggest, prettiest of diamonds and wanted nothing more than to pocket it. For some
reason this was what irritated Felix the most.

“ Hello? ” Chan tentatively said, but his tone was a bit more distant, a bit colder than what was his
norm. Only someone like Felix, someone who knew him inside and out, would’ve noticed. But it
was out of character for him not to share his whole warmth with everyone and anyone he met. He
glanced at Felix quizzically before focusing back on her. “ Sorry, you are. .”

“ Isla! Hi! Hello! ” the girl excitedly answered, barely leaving Chan time to finish his sentence. “
I’m a big fan! ” she giggled like a schoolgirl. She had never acted like that around Felix before. “
You know I started to.. ” she continued, with her usual quick rambling.

“ Isla. ” Felix cut her off, calling her name sharply, only annoyance and maybe a bit of anger
filtering in his voice and expression, both of those things shutting up Isla quicker than ever before,
surprised flashing in her eyes for half of a second. “ I’m sure you would love to talk to him. ” he
continued, the sarcasm dripping so heavily from each word that it was hard to miss. Chan was
looking his way and couldn’t help the small smirk to tilt the corner of his mouth up, either because
he was amused or pleased by Felix’s behavior. “ But in case you haven’t noticed, Chris and I have
slightly more important matters to discuss so.. ” he added, raising an eyebrow in her direction. That
kind of confidence on his part was out of character, especially with the person he had become
those past months, but between Chan’s presence next to him, Hyunjin being somewhere believing
that Felix was running around offering his lips to anyone willing to kiss him, Isla acting like a
fangirl that had stuck around for one reason and one reason only and the simple tiredness brought
by the constant emotional turmoil he had been in for months, he just couldn’t care anymore to play
nice. “ I think we’re done here for today. ” he finished, with a pointed look.

“ But I.. ”

“ I’m sorry, it was really nice to meet you but.. ” Chan intervened, the smile on his face dazzling
but, to the trained eye, as fake as his gentle tone. But he was better than Felix at smoothing out the
situation. “ I sadly don’t have much time and Felix and I have business to take care of.. ”. He
offered a pout, maybe playing off his natural charm, maybe trying to appear more amicable.
Whatever was the case, it seemed to be working on Isla, who was slightly blushing under his gaze.
“ Maybe another time? ” he finished with another smile, that one clearly chosen because he was
aware she was eating him up with her eyes.

“ Oh.. uh.. yeah, sure, yeah.. of course! ” she stuttered, stumbling over her own words, nodding
with a smile that she probably thought was seductive despite her cheeks and ears almost being
bright red by now.

Chan offered her one more smile and even a wave after that, but Felix that couldn’t stand any more
of this masquerade and couldn’t wait a second more before finally being able to talk to Chan, to
explain, to just unload all he had held onto, was already yanking on Chan’s arm, walking away
without a concern for his blushing friend. Isla just stood there, watching them go, waving back at
Chan until they disappeared from view and finally Felix loosened his grip on his best friend, letting
out a drawn out sigh that made Chan chuckle ever so slightly.

“ Come here. ” Chan gently said, sitting on a nearby bench and patting the empty spot next to him,
a spot Felix eagerly claimed, Chan’s hand instinctively coming to rub his back as soon as he was
seated. “ Now. .” he looked pointedly at Felix who sighed again before looking down at his hands,
knowing it was time. “ Tell me everything. ”

And so he did. He talked and talked, starting with that fateful night with Hyunjin, the words he
said, because now, after everything, he couldn’t gloss over that anymore and Chan already knew
the bond Hyunjin and him shared anyway. It just felt good, if not bittersweet, to be able to tell him
about it directly. He went over the events of the next day, of his parents showing up, of the
ultimatum and why he had no choice but to disappear without a trace or a word. He recounted his
days since then, the monotony, the heartache, the nightmares, Isla and the picture that had finally
been his last straw. He talked without stopping, a few tears escaping his eyes here and there,
swiftly brushed away by Chan’s cold fingers. During all of that his best friend was silent, knowing
that Felix needed that moment, needed to unload it all at once because it was simply too painful
and difficult to hold onto it all anymore. On his face, it was easy to see how angry he was, how
spiteful he felt towards Felix’s parents, how deeply hurt and sad he was to hear about Felix’s
inexorable decline during their time apart, but still he said nothing until finally, breathless and
hands slightly shaking, Felix fell silent.

Chan could’ve said a lot of things after Felix’s explanations. He could’ve told him that if Felix had
tried to call Chan, instead of following his parents, he would’ve found another way, that their little
makeshift family and his well-being were both more important than anything Felix’s parents could
ever threaten to take from them. He could’ve yelled about how inexcusable those people were, not
happy enough to have ruined his childhood and almost brainwashed him to give up on his dreams,
that they had to then pull him back in when he had finally found his place in life. He could’ve
simply said that everything would be fine now that they found each other again. He could’ve said
all that, because he believed all those things, felt all those things. But none of those things were
what Felix needed to hear right now, so something else came out of his mouth instead.

“ He missed you every single day, you know? ” Chan announced, breaking the short but heavy
silence. “ I don’t know what those pictures are about, I really don’t. ” he continued, seeing Felix’s
face fall. “ But.. ” he quickly added. “ What I know is that for him, there’s only you Felix.. He tried
not to show it, he really tried to do it all on his own but.. we could all hear the cries coming out of
your room every night, every morning.. He wasn’t okay Felix. Without you he was.. I think he was
just as lost as you were without him.. ” Chan sadly finished, heart pained from knowing that his
kids had suffered so much, were still suffering, from being torn apart from one another.

Felix bit his lower lip, hard. He couldn’t completely believe Chan, not when he was so convinced
that he had never been good enough for Hyunjin to begin with, not when seeing those pictures had
shattered the whole world he revolved around. But still, hearing Chan talk about how much
Hyunjin had missed him, had suffered without him, it was a blow to the gut. Because of course he
didn’t want to know he had made his lover cry, but in some twisted way, it also meant that maybe,
just maybe, there would still be love there after everything. But this wasn’t the only thing that
tugged at Felix’s heart. Chan had said “your room”. Not “the room”, not just Hyunjin’s room, but
Felix’s too. Like even after disappearing like a thief in the night, it still belonged to him. As if he
could still claim it, was still welcome to use it, like leaving for a long vacation before finally
settling back in that place you call home, nothing unchanged.
All during Felix’s monolog, Chan’s phone had been going off. He had masterfully ignored it,
knowing where his whole focus should lie, but now that Felix was pondering what to do with the
information Chan had just given him, he decided to check his messages nonetheless, still fairly
worried about Hyunjin that had disappeared earlier and who didn’t know the area. It didn’t take
long for him to be reassured about that once he opened his phone however.

“ Bro” - 11:32

“why is there another random korean man in our house??” - 11:32

“srsly I’d have pissed myself already if he didn’t look like one of your music buddies or
whtver” - 11:34

“if you don’t claim him tho..” - 11:35

“we might be getting robbed??” - 11:36

“MISSED CALL” - 11:42

“BRO ANSWER YOUR PHONE!” - 11:43

“I COULD BE DEAD SOON YKNOW??!” - 11:44

“nvmind he’s yours” - 11:51

“but uncool bro, i couldve died” - 11:51

“uncool..” - 11:52

“since you back, grab dominos on the way, aye” - 12:18

Chan couldn't help but roll his eyes with a soft chuckle at how dramatic his little brother always
had to be. But at least thanks to him, he now knew that Hyunjin had ran straight back to his house
and didn’t get lost somewhere along the way, which was enough to ease Chan’s worry for now. He
looked up once more at Felix while pocketing his phone, getting up and offering his hand to his
best friend that was looking both confused and still very emotional.

“ Let’s go back to my place ” Chan explained with an encouraging smile. “ We can talk more there,
figure something out. ”

“ But. .”

“ He’s safe and sound and we’ll handle that situation when the time comes, alright? ” Chan softly
said, knowing Felix was not only worried about Hyunjin disappearing in an unknown country, but
also about the prospect of finally being face to face with him after all this. “ Let’s start by getting
you somewhere warm, deal? ”

After a slight pause, Felix simply nodded, grabbing Chan’s hand and letting him hoist him up.
There had been no shouts, no accusations thrown or words of anger and spite. Felix knew Chan but
still he had been so scared of the way things would go if they ever saw each other again. It almost
made him want to cry all over again, to know that his best friend, his brother, was acting the same
now as he ever did, and had no ill feelings in his heart, only worry and a world of love, and a big
desire to see his eighth kid back home where he belonged.
 Let's Talk

“ You remember where my room is, right? ”

Felix chuckled softly with a nod. How could he ever forget after the hundreds and hundreds of
times he had run up those stairs to barge into Chan’s room during their young years. His anxiety
was still really high, looking around thinking Hyunjin could possibly jump out from any corner, but
being back in this house, in this safe place filled with some of Felix’s best memories, loosened his
nerves even if just slightly.

“ Bro, that you? If you don’t have my pizza I don’t even want to see you! ” Lucas’ voice called out
from far away, in another part of the house.

Chan laughed, shaking his head and gestured at Felix to go on without him, the steaming pizza
they stopped to grab on the way still in his hands. Felix nodded once more and started making his
way towards the stairs, a small smile still on his lips even though he still felt like the situation
could turn around really fast. Nothing was really solved, after all his father would still act up on his
threat if Felix even thought about going back, but just like he had known it would happen, Felix
simply couldn’t imagine watching Chan and Hyunjin jump in a plane, leaving him behind. It
would be even more painful than leaving the first time around. And not only Chan would never
permit it, but Felix wasn’t sure he would physically be able to survive it a second time either.

“ You don’t see me for 3 years and that’s how you greet me? ” he heard Chan call back to his little
brother before he was too far up the stairs to hear their voices anymore.

Despite everything, the quick banter between the Bang siblings was something he had dearly
missed and hearing it again, Felix softly chuckled as he reached the door he knew all too well,
turning the knob, ready to be brought years in the past by the sight of Chan’s old bedroom alone.
But when he froze, the door barely shut behind him and his mouth agape, it wasn’t because of the
posters above Chan’s desk, that they had stapled there together when the tape kept coming off,
getting an earful from his mother for damaging the wallpaper. It wasn’t because of the tiny ukulele
abandoned in a corner of the room, completely covered in all the random stickers Chan and Felix
had found in music magazines through the years. It wasn’t even because the whole room kept the
exact smell it had years prior, the mix of Chan’s natural scent and his mother’s favorite cleaning
products. It was because, seated on the bed on the other side of the room, was the one man Felix’s
heart had both begged and feared to see.

“Hyunie.”

It came out as a breath, the word dropping instinctively out of his mouth before the rest of his mind
and body could catch up. Suddenly, once again, he wasn’t sure anymore if this was reality, or just a
very vivid, very lengthy dream. Because how could he be there, in front of him, in all his glory, as
beautiful, ethereal, as perfect as he had always known him. How could he be there, sitting on that
bed that Felix had laid on weekends after weekends during his childhood, in that country that had
seen him grow up, in that moment where Felix needed to see him the most.

“Felix..”

Hearing his voice after being left without it, after craving it for so long, was both like a slap in the
face and finally hearing the sound of heaven, all at the same time. His name, that had rolled on
Hyunjin’s tongue so confidently before, that he had purred in his ear sensually or whispered
against his skin softly, now sounded like a squeak, a broken sob, the type of sound that should
never have to leave lips as pretty and pure as his. In front of him Hyunjin had gotten up from the
bed, but it seemed like a reflex his body had imposed on him, because now, standing there, facing
each other, they both looked as lost and unsure of what to do next as the other.

Felix wanted to close the gap, wanted those long arms around him, that scent filling his nostrils,
wanted those lips against his and simply the feel of him in his space. His whole body was filled
with nothing but the sheer desire to finally, finally be exactly where he belonged, right in Hyunjin’s
arms. But he was also frozen in total panic, wondering if the boy he loved so hard, the boy he knew
would be his last no matter the outcome of their reunion, would reject him. Chan had said Hyunjin
had been as distraught as Felix from their separation, but Felix could still clearly see the picture
plastered on Isla’s phone, he could still remember Hyunjin’s silhouette fleeing after witnessing Isla
kiss him. He knew just how much baggage, how much misunderstanding and unsaid words were
hanging between them. And all those were going to be the thing to make or break them. He just
didn’t want to give up without trying. Not anymore. Not now that he had a second chance.

“Can.. Can we talk?” he heard himself say, his voice foreign to even himself, despite being shaky
and weak still.

Hyunjin stayed silent, frozen, for a second more, a dreadfully long second during which Felix had
the time to catalog all the ways things could go, all the things Hyunjin could say and all the
scenarios that ended up with Felix losing what he knew to be the love of his life for good. But just
as Felix thought he wouldn’t be able to stand a single second more of this silence, Hyunjin sat back
down on the edge of the bed, looking at him.

“Let’s talk.” he agreed, gesturing to the empty spot next to him.

Felix never felt more hyper aware of every nerve in his body, every micro movement of his limbs,
every rise and fall of his chest during his shaky breaths, than he did walking closer to Hyunjin and
sitting next to him, his thigh and shoulder almost brushing against his. His own beating heart, his
ragged breathing, even the sound of Hyunjin’s clothes ruffling as he brought his hands on his
thighs, looking down at them as he fidgeted nervously with his fingers, suddenly seemed too loud,
too invasive in that enclosed space with only the two of them, getting ready to face demons and
truths they were both terrified of.

The seconds ticked off, only their shared breathing, uneven, shaky and deafeningly loud in the
heavy silence, was filling out the space between them. It had been so easy with Chan, so natural.
His best friend had smiled and Felix had simply poured his heart out, his whole tale flowing out
like a river with a beginning, an end, and just a long, calm and organized journey between the two.
But now, sitting there, trying to find the right words to say, the right way to start off this
conversation, trying so hard not to notice how close their bodies were, Felix’s brain felt more like
an open ocean in the midst of a storm and he was absolutely frozen, haunted by the idea to wreck
against the shore the second he opened his mouth.

“How are you?” Hyunjin’s voice finally broke the silence before Felix could, stubbornly watching
his hands.

Felix wanted to laugh at the question. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and beg and throw
himself in his arms. More than anything he wanted to keep hearing that voice, like the only melody
that seemed able to bring him back from whatever darkness he might sink into.

“I’m fine..” Felix started, nodding. He took a deep breath, the lie heavy on his tongue and when he
discreetly glanced to his right, Hyunjin was glancing back. As their eyes met, the electricity
between them was still as intense as that moment, months ago, when Hyunjin came home with
arms full of pizza boxes only to find an unknown Felix in his house, and Felix simply couldn’t
handle it anymore. “No, that’s a lie.” he bitterly chuckled. “I’m not fine, I’m not okay, I’m..” he
sighed loudly, shifting his whole body to look at Hyunjin head on. He was done hiding, he was
done lying, he was done keeping it inside when now may very well be the only moment, the last
moment, they had together. “Hyunjin, I’m fucking miserable without you.”

Hyunjin’s eyes went slightly wide, his breath catching in his throat, his hands clasping each other
for a microsecond. Felix wasn’t sure if that reaction was good or bad and he was terrified to find
out, but he also knew that no matter the outcome, he had come this far and he owed it to Hyunjin,
to Chan, owed it to himself to see it through. If Hyunjin decided after all that, that he was done
with him, it would hurt. It would hurt more than anything Felix ever had to endure in his life. And
yes, it would leave him shattered beyond saving, probably worse than whatever state he was in
these past months. But at least he would’ve tried, and it was more than what he could say about the
day he left in the first place. Hyunjin took in a sharp breath, opening his mouth but Felix promptly
shook his head.

“Please, let me finish.” he pleaded, pressing his eyes firmly shut for just a second, like he could
already feel the phantom pain losing Hyunjin might bring, gathering his courage to pour his heart
out to the only person that really mattered. “I had to leave.” he started again but the words seemed
to hurt Hyunjin, a sour expression creasing his face. “Not because I wanted to, because I had no
other choice..” he added as a clarification, trying his hardest to keep his eyes on Hyunjin despite
how badly he wanted to hide, feeling too exposed with those beautiful sad eyes peering right back
at him and deep into his soul. “No, that’s a lie too.” he shook his head “I could’ve tried to fight it
but.. I was scared, I was so scared to ruin it all for you, it wouldn’t have been worth it. I wouldn’t
have been worth it.” his voice cracked ever so slightly, his eyes fleeing Hyunjin’s for a second,
seeing pain flash in his pupils when Felix called himself unworthy. “My father, he.. that day.. he
found me. He promised to ruin your chances in the music industry, promised to wreck your dreams
if I didn’t go back and I.. I just couldn’t bear to see it all torn away from you.. I just.. Not when you
all worked so hard for it.” he looked back at the man in front of him, his eyes more intense, like all
the truth behind his words could be proven through a simple look. “Not when it made you so
happy.” he added, and this time it was clear he wasn’t talking about them all, as a band, but about
Hyunjin himself, who had always been the happiest when he could dance and sing and perform in
any way. “Not because of me. Not for me.”

“But you..” Hyunjin tried to interject.

He seemed unnerved by Felix’s words, by the way he was looking at the whole situation through
that self-deprecating lens his parents had so thoroughly drilled into his subconscious. But Felix
knew if he didn’t get it all out, if he didn’t manage to say all that was weighing heavily on his
heart, right here and now before Hyunjin’s voice could lull him back into a sense of love and
safety he wasn’t sure he deserve or was even real, then he would never do it.

“It was awful, you know? Leaving like that.. Leaving everyone.. Leaving you. It was the hardest
thing I ever had to do and it broke me. I knew it was for the best, I knew I had to do it and I knew
you would all move on at some point or another but.. I couldn’t feel happy about it.” he chuckled
darkly, reaching his hand up to rub his face in what was supposed to be a soothing gesture against
his own self-deprecation. “God I felt so selfish, thinking about you everyday, thinking about
coming back, thinking I would prefer if you never forgot about me, almost wishing you were
hurting as much as I did..” he let his head fall down instead of keeping his gaze on Hyunjin.
“Maybe it makes me a bad person? No.. I know it does. But.. I knew I wouldn’t be able to have a
normal life, a happy life without you all and the simple thought that you would, that you could.. It
broke my heart every day all over again!” he sighed. “And I know you have, and I wish I could be
happy for you but.. Hyunjin I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t be happy that your smiles aren’t for me
anymore, that your touches aren’t for me anymore. It breaks me that your heart isn’t mine
anymore..”

“What are you..” Hyunjin tried again, looking almost as confused as he was hurt.

“I know. I know.” Felix quickly started again with a pained but understanding nod. “I know that’s
not why you’re here, that’s not what you want to hear about. I’m sorry..” he sighed, thinking that
Hyunjin simply didn’t want to talk about his new found love, simply here to get explanations so he
could swiftly move on without this whole situation, this uncertainty continuously hanging over his
head. “But like I said, I’m selfish..” he chuckled wryly, looking back up at that beautiful, perfect
face, that face he wished he could touch and kiss, wanting to wipe away the conflicting
expressions he saw there, replacing them with that cocky look in his eyes and that sweet smile that
he had become accustomed to. “And what you saw today.. It might not make a difference, might
not mean anything to you anymore, but.. I didn’t kiss her.” he shook his head for emphasis,
catching Hyunjin’s eyes with his own. “She kissed me and I pushed her away because.. because all
I could see, all I could think about was you and all those times it was your lips on mine instead and
I.. There’s only you so..” Felix shrugged, unsure himself where this line of thoughts was going.

“Felix, listen, I..”

“It’s okay, really. I knew you would move on and if it’s for you to be happy, I don’t mind being
miserable. I don’t care, as long as you get what you deserve because I know you are worth so so
much more than whatever I can offer and.. really.. who am I to even desire a new chance with you
when I’m the one who disappeared that way?” Felix continued his rambling, he had lost his own
plot, his own train of thought a long time ago because now that the subject of Hyunjin moving on,
of Hyunjin’s new love, had been brought to the surface, all the emotions that had surged in Felix
when he first saw the picture were coming back up and it was all he could think about anymore,
wishing things were different but convincing himself that no matter how much he wanted it, no
matter how much he tried, he wouldn’t ever be Hyunjin’s first choice anymore. “I know it’s unfair
of me to..”

But suddenly Felix’s sentence died on his lips and it wasn’t because he chose to remain silent
instead, it wasn’t because Hyunjin cut him off with his own words or because the door opened
cutting short their face to face. No. It was because of Hyunjin’s warm and soft lips now firmly
pressed against his, both of his long slender hands cupping his cheeks, keeping him tightly in
place. As if he could ever move, as if he would ever pull away.

The moment, the feeling, was so surreal that once more he questioned if this was his reality, frozen
there in complete and utter disbelief, eyes wide. But the soft brush of Hyunjin’s thumb against his
cheek, his warm breath, his scent filling Felix’s nostrils and the way his perfect lips ever so slightly
parted, the tip of his tongue grazing Felix’s bottom lip as though Hyunjin’s mouth knew exactly
how to make his own respond in kind, all of that anchored Felix back to the moment. The simple
sensation of their lips brushing against each other was like being given a gulp of pure oxygen after
being deprived of air to the point of suffocation. It was like drinking the first sip of water after days
wandering the endless dunes of an infinite and unknown desert. It was like finally remembering
how to feel for the first time after being completely numb. Overwhelming but more needed than
anything ever before.

But as soon as it started, it was over, before he could even reciprocate the kiss, leaving his lips
tingling, his mind racing and his whole body utterly frozen but still in desperate need for his touch,
for more. Hyunjin leaned back ever so slightly as he took his lips away for Felix’s but his hands
stayed stubbornly where they were, on the freckled cheeks he had missed so much, his thumb very
lightly moving out of his own volition on the soft and smooth piece of skin.
“Can you shut up for a second and listen?” he breathed, so close still to Felix’s face.

And Felix, left speechless and in need, lost and painfully hopeful, could do nothing but obediently
nod, under the gaze of his lover, an almost unperceivable pleased smile tugging at the corners of
Hyunjin’s lips seeing that his Felix still liked to be good and follow his orders, no matter the
situation.
 I Love You

“Good boy..”

The words came out of Hyunjin’s mouth raspy, just a whisper as his eyes drifted back to Felix’s
lips for a second, his thumb trailing a way from Felix’s cheek to his lower lip, lingering there,
stroking very slowly the pink and slightly swollen skin. Felix had a hard time breathing, thinking,
forgetting to even blink as he simply looked at Hyunjin gazing at his lips with an hungry
desperation that resonated in his own body. He didn’t understand that kiss, didn’t understand that
proximity, that intimacy. He didn’t understand any of it when he had prepared himself to be
rejected, prepared for anger and resentment and for Hyunjin to have turned the page of their story.
He didn’t understand it and it scared him all the more because it made hope rise in his chest, hope
that he didn’t want to see get shattered by whatever words Hyunjin had yet to say.

When finally Hyunjin’s eyes travel back up it seemed like it took a physical effort on his part to pry
them away from his lips, to take his hands off, letting them fall back down as he leaned back away.
But just as Felix felt the incredible cold hole that the loss of his contact immediately created in his
racing heart, Hyunjin’s fingers found his own, tentatively taking his hand and sliding it to his own
lap, playing with his fingers unconsciously like he usually did with his own. But his eyes were still
stubbornly anchored on Felix’s face, who was swallowing with difficulty, hearing his heart in his
ears, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Felix..” he finally started, his name on Hyunjin’s tongue giving him goosebumps. His voice was
so smooth, running over each syllable with the perfect emphasis and with that look in his eyes that
had, in the past, made Felix feel like this was the most precious word in Hyunjin’s vocabulary. But
now it created as much fondness than it did anxiety. “The truth is.. I have no idea what you’re
talking about.” he then announced. “I moved on? I found better? My lips belong to someone else?”.
The scoff that escaped his throat, as Hyunjin glanced back at Felix’s lips for just a microsecond,
making them both remember that previous kiss, rattled something really deep inside Felix. “I don’t
think so, no.”

“But I saw..” Felix started, shaking his head. Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at him, making Felix
slightly shudder. He had said he would stay silent, but what Hyunjin said made no sense with the
picture Isla had shown him. “I.. I saw this picture and you were.. with someone else.. hugging and..
stuff.” he stumbled around the words, unable to look away from Hyunjin’s beautiful face but,
simultaneously, wishing he could hide away from his intense gaze.

“And stuff?” Hyunjin asked, raising his second eyebrow that joined the first. For a second he
seemed to ponder before, finally, a chuckle escaped his throat, so genuinely amused it took Felix
by surprise. He simply couldn’t understand how Hyunjin could laugh in this situation, how he was
handling all this so well when Felix himself was a mess inside. “You mean.. Peniel?” he asked,
traces of that amusement not completely gone from his voice. He shook his head slightly before
continuing. “I knew he was a friend of Chan’s so I asked him to help me out..”

“Help..?”

Felix had a hard time believing this. For as long as he had known Hyunjin, the boy had always been
the best at everything he was doing and, when he had set his mind on a new skill, he had always
liked learning it by himself, from scratch. Felix knew it came from the need to never seem weak or
imperfect at one thing or another in front of anyone. But it also meant that asking for help was the
one skill Hyunjin had always been bad at. When Hyunjin himself hesitated for a second at this
question, looking down at their intertwined fingers, Felix’s heart caught in his throat. But when
Hyunjin looked back up, he looked slightly embarrassed, bashful.

“ To help me learn some English ..” he confessed in Felix’s native language. His accent was a bit
clumsy, but it was surprisingly good, compared to the boy who couldn’t understand a single word
of English when they had first met and for some reason it made Felix’s heart swell in his chest. He
wanted to know why, to understand his motivations and maybe those thoughts were written all
over his face because Hyunjin quickly shrugged. “So no matter where you were, I could find you.
So no matter when you came back, I could understand you and Chan, talk to you when you’re
missing Australia.. Just because.. it made me feel closer to you, made me keep that tiny shred of
hope alive.” he explained, his eyes fluttering away. “Every time I thought I was done for, every
time I started to accept a reality in which you never came back to me, I would call Peniel for a
tutoring lesson, to remind myself that I would get you back no matter what, that the reality without
you in it wasn’t a reality at all..” he cleared his throat, the emotion clearly starting to get the better
of him.

And suddenly Felix understood what Chan meant when he said that Hyunjin had suffered during
their time apart. He could see it on his face, in his eyes, could feel the hurt Hyunjin had battled, so
intensely similar to his own, and it made him feel even more guilty.

“And here I am.” Hyunjin then shrugged, bringing his eyes back to peer at Felix’s face, his fingers
ever so slightly squeezing Felix’s tiny ones.

He had vowed to find Felix, to bring him back, to see him again and here he was, indeed. But Felix
was so confused, so lost and scared to let that hope inside of him, that was growing and growing,
ready to burst, take too much space. Because he didn’t want the heartbreak to be worse in the end if
he just happened to misinterpret Hyunjin’s words. He simply couldn’t understand how that boy,
that emotional boy that had drunkenly cried when he thought Felix was going to leave him, that
jealous boy that had showed possessiveness more than once, when someone else was getting to
close to Felix, that all-or-nothing boy, could be so calm, so collected in that situation. Felix was a
mess of jumbled thoughts and emotions, a ball of anxiety and sheer desire mixed into one, hope
and fear in a constant battle in his chest. And still Hyunjin seemed perfectly fine. How could he be
perfectly fine after those months, after those misunderstandings and after the hurt that had been
caused.

“How can you be so.. okay with everything?” Felix asked, before he even realized he had spoken
the words aloud.

“Okay?” Hyunjin scoffed. “You think I’m okay with any of it?” he then asked with a chuckle that
was a bit too angry, a bit unhinged. He let go of Felix’s hand, getting up and facing the boy that
was still sitting on the bed. He leaned his tall frame closer, his fingers closing around Felix’s chin,
tilting it up as his own face drew nearer, his figure looming over Felix’s small body entirely. “Oh
angel, trust me, I’m beyond pissed.” he announced in a breath, so close to Felix’s face that his
warmth was surrounding him already. But Felix’s throat ran dry, as he looked up at Hyunjin’s
intense glare, hating the idea of him being mad at him, even if it was something he had expected
from the start. “I want to make your parents regret the way they have treated you, the way they
pried you away from us, from me.” he confessed through gritted teeth, his eyes never leaving
Felix’s face, the pressure of his fingers around his chin a firm reminder of the strength his slender
body was hiding. “I want to make that girl regret laying a single finger on you, putting her lips on
something that doesn’t belong to her.” he continued, a fire burning in his eyes, his thumb reaching
to press softly against Felix’s bottom lip, the duality between his firm grip and that gentle touch
making heat pool in Felix’s body. “I want to remind you why our bodies, and only ours, belong so
well together, make you remember all the things I can do to you, all the things I can make you feel
and mark you as mine over and over again until you can’t ever think of leaving me behind like that
ever again.”. His intensity was slowly shifting as he talked. He was still angry, but he was also
desperate, he had been so scared, so hurt, so alone and looking deep in his eyes, Felix could see it
all, could feel it all. “I thought.. I thought you left because of.. me.” he finally added, his voice
cracking imperceptibly.

Felix knew. He knew what Hyunjin meant, knew what he had thought, the conclusions he had
come to when he came home, finding Felix missing. This was one of the reasons why Felix felt so
guilty about it all, because he had known from the start that Hyunjin would blame himself, after
the words he had uttered to him, after offering his heart in such a big way only to come back to an
empty room. Felix had known and every day it had eaten at him a little more. He should’ve said it
back, he should’ve been honest instead of letting his fears, his past, his parents ruin that perfect
moment. He should’ve said it only so Hyunjin could know, instead of wondering for months if he
had been the only one feeling those things, if he had scared Felix away. If there was one thing
Felix regretted from that day, it wasn’t to have left, because despite all it brought for them all, he
had done it to protect them, done it because it seemed like the only solution at the time. The only
thing he regretted, truly, deeply, was not to have said those three words to Hyunjin before he left
their room in the morning.

“I have another confession to make..” Felix said, more confidently than he actually felt.

Hyunjin’s eyes turned questioning, a little scared maybe of what Felix would suddenly spring on
him. And that’s when it became clear to Felix. Hyunjin was acting cool and collected, he had
shown his anger and desperation as well, but deep down Hyunjin was as lost, as confused, as
scared as Felix was. The two of them had lived months without each other, nightmarish, painful
months, and both of them were still waiting for things to turn for the worse, plunging them back
into the personal hell that had been their lives lately. Because they had imagined their reunion, they
had thought every scenario through, but the reality was too good to be true, too perfect, and it
terrified them that it might just be an illusion that would come crumbling down in a second, with
just a word. But Felix wouldn’t be the one hurting Hyunjin, not again, not anymore.

“I love you.”

Hyunjin stayed frozen for a long second after that, Felix’s confession echoing in the silence before
getting swallowed by it, leaving the two lovers to face each other without a sound. Hyunjin’s hand
was still holding Felix’s chin, he was still towering over him but he was more still even than a
marble statue, his eyes big, his mouth agape, as if he never even imagined hearing the words in the
first place.

“Hyu..”

“Say it again.” Hyunjin cut him off, his face turning so serious all of a sudden that Felix could do
nothing but obey once more.

“I love you, Hyunie.” he repeated softly.

And with that, Hyunjin’s lips were on Felix’s again, in a flash, his hands cupping his face, holding
it close to his own. The feeling of being able to breathe again after being underwater, bubbled in
Felix’s chest once more. This. This was all he ever needed, all he would ever need. Those lips
against his, that was his life line and he had no idea how he had managed to survive without it for
so long. Hyunjin parted his lips, the tip of his tongue teasing the entrance to Felix’s mouth who
offered him access in less than a second, eager, desperate to deepen the contact between them, to
hang onto every little piece of him Hyunjin was ready to give him in this second.

The warm feeling of their tongues finally colliding, dancing together, made Felix moan quietly in
Hyunjin’s mouth, his lover groaning back in return, clearly pleased by the noise. As if on cue, he
slid one of his long hands in the back of Felix’s head, his fingers sliding so naturally in his dark
hair and pulling on those short strands, forcing another moan, another plea, to escape Felix’s lips as
his head tilted back, Hyunjin eyes hungrily devouring every inch of his face, his lips now a mere
breath away from Felix’s.

“Again.” he almost growled, ordered.

“I love you.” Felix obeyed without missing a beat.

This time when Hyunjin hungrily, hastily crashed his lips against Felix’s once more, he leaned
forwards, his knees colliding with the edge of the bed before slowly lowering Felix onto the
mattress, taking his rightful place over him, their two bodies completely pressed against one
another, lips interlocked and tongues dancing. Felix was seeing stars already, was breathless and
dizzy, but he never, ever, wanted any of it to stop, not when all these things he had thought he
would never be allowed to have again. Not when Hyunjin seemed so in need, so desperate to sink
and melt into him completely.

Hyunjin’s hips settled between Felix’s legs, that he had spread instinctively for him to nestle
himself closer to him. Both of Hyunjin’s arms surrounded Felix’s face on the mattress, one of his
hands still firmly tangled in his hair while the other was cupping his face, his lips never leaving
Felix’s swollen ones for more than a second at a time, forgetting all about breathing altogether.
They were both clinging onto that feeling, onto each other, like they were scared that breaking that
contact would break the moment and completely unwilling for it to ever end. Slowly, Hyunjin’s
hand slid down from Felix’s face to his covered shoulder, the length of his arm until it could find
the rim of his shirt and slither under it, finally finding that strip of skin, that warmth he was
seeking, Felix shivering violently at the touch, a moan getting caught in his throat. At the same
time Hyunjin’s lips had left Felix’s, making their way down to his neck, to that oh so sensitive spot
just above his pulse. He kissed the fragile skin once before his tongue peeked out, tasting his lover
slowly, Felix already squirming slightly under him.

Going up with his hand on Felix’s naked skin under his shirt until he could find the smaller boy’s
waist, Hyunjin squeezed, Felix’s frame so small compared to his own that his tiny waist fit
perfectly in Hyunjin’s large palm. At the same instant, he closed his lips around a strip of skin at
that exact, sensitive spot, in his neck and when he started to suck on it, Felix’s vision went white
for a second, his hips moving up, pressing his body tighter still against Hyunjin’s instinctively. The
slight pain that came with Hyunjin’s assault on his neck was the most delicious of torments,
because Felix knew he was doing exactly what he had said he wanted, marking him, putting his
brand on him so nobody, not even him, could forget who owned his body, his heart and his soul.
And this possessiveness was tantalizing for Felix who could feel his desire build up quicker by the
second, enticed by the sucking sound of Hyunjin’s mouth in his neck, his warm fingers digging
themselves firmly in his naked skin, his taut body in contact with every inch of his own.

“Hyunjin..” Felix breathed, pleading, begging, for something, for anything, for more, as he started
to grind his hips against Hyunjin’s body, his need more than clear by the bulge in his pants, the
friction making him whimper. “Please..”

Hyunjin finally released Felix’s skin from between his teeth, the red mark already turning a slight
shade of purple, unmistakable. Propping himself on his elbow, he watched Felix more fully and bit
back a groan at the sinful expression on his lover’s face, the pure unaltered need in his eyes. He felt
Felix’s cock rubbing against him, his own desire more than apparent through the tight fabric of his
black jeans.

“Fuck, baby..” he said, his voice so raw it made a shiver of pleasure run down Felix’s spine. “Look
at you.. So hard and ready for me already..” he added, his hand abandoning Felix’s hip to slide
between their two bodies, cupping Felix’s hard dick through the fabric of his pants without
preambule, a possessive growl rising in his throat at the feel of it in his palm. It didn’t take much
more for him to grab the edge of Felix’s jeans with both hands, expertly unbuttoning it and
unceremoniously tugging at it, wanting to get rid of the barrier between them as fast as he could.

Throwing the useless piece of clothing over his shoulder, Hyunjin took a step back, getting up from
the edge of the bed to have a better view at Felix’s half naked body, sprawled on the bed in front of
him.

“Please..” Felix whimpered again, reaching a hand towards Hyunjin, his other hand instinctively
reaching for the rim of his underwear, tugging it down on his own.

“Touch yourself for me.” Hyunjin said instead, the order clear in his tone as his eyes followed the
movement of Felix’s hand, not missing a second of it when it reached his boxers.

Discarding the last piece of cloth that was hiding him and freeing his cock, Felix looked at Hyunjin
with desperate eyes, the taller boy only gazing at him in hunger, waiting for his command to be
obeyed. So Felix reached for himself, wrapping his fingers around his tip, his thumb slowly
brushing over his slit, collecting the precum there with a muffled whimper, his dick twitching in
his tiny hand as he finally, with excruciating slowness, slid his fingers down and then back up
around his length. Hyunjin sucked in a breath, admiring, the tip of his tongue peeking out from the
corner of his slightly parted lips, his eyes burning as they followed the up and down motion of
Felix’s hand, sliding up to gaze at his face, at his pleading eyes and whimpering lips, his own dick
painfully throbbing, caged in his too tight jeans.

“Just for me..” he whispered, the words almost silent, covered by Felix’s ragged breathing as his
hand was still moving slowly around his dick, his hips swaying against the mattress, a sinful call
for Hyunjin to join him. Hyunjin reached for his own belt, unfastening it under Felix’s interested
eye. “Come here.” he ordered firmly, pulling his pants and boxers down and grabbing his hardness
in the time it took for Felix to actually get to his knees, on the mattress in front of him, eagerly
looking down.

Hyunjin reached for Felix’s face, caressing his freckled cheek with the very tip of his fingers before
sliding his hand in Felix’s hair, tugging on them with way less softness, roughly directing his head
to face his cock. Felix looked up, his face so angelic, so sinful with his lips already glistening, his
eyes pleading, ready to please his lover in the exact way he wanted to be pleased. Hyunjin didn’t
even have to ask, didn’t have to order for Felix to open his mouth, he did it on his own, putting his
tongue out, looking up in Hyunjin’s eyes, waiting. The sight alone was almost enough to drive
Hyunjin over the edge before Felix could even touch him and with a feral growl, he pushed Felix’s
head, thrusting his hips forward at the same time, impaling his whole length into the warmth of
Felix’s mouth, hearing no protest from him, just muffled whimpers that vibrated through his whole
cock, leaving him breathless.

He stayed unmoving for just a second, his dick pulsating on Felix’s tongue, before he started to
move, thrusting in and out, fucking Felix’s mouth roughly. He didn’t want to be gentle and neither
did Felix, whose tongue was lapping at him, twirling around his tip and length every time Hyunjin
slid it in and out of his mouth, saliva and precum already rolling down his chin and coating his
lips.
“That’s right.. take it all like a good boy.” Hyunjin groaned, Felix’s face even more erotic than the
feeling of him sucking on his length was. “Fuck.. You look so good choking on my cock..Felix..”
he mumbled incoherently, feeling his pleasure escalate far too quickly.

Right this second, he wanted nothing more than to fill up Felix’s mouth with his hot cum, sully his
beautiful angelic face and see him try to lap everything left on his lips with his soft pink tongue. He
wanted to dirty Felix, wanted the boy covered in him, to be able to see his cum drip down his chin
or slowly slide down on his abdomen as he was panting, sprawled on the bed in front of him. He
wanted all that so badly, knowing he would be the only one allowed this sight. But more than
anything else, he wanted to be inside him, to make him fully his again, to achieve the ultimate
closeness after an eternity apart.

Reluctantly, he tugged on Felix’s hair, forcing him to release his cock. Felix wasn’t happy about
that either, wanting to please Hyunjin until he came panting and swearing, straight down his throat,
coating his tongue with the taste of him. He wanted to see him unraveling, wanting to feel him give
him everything. But when Hyunjin pushed Felix back down on the bed, crawling on top of him
with a feral look in his eyes, the unsatisfied pout on Felix’s face quickly turned into an hungry grin,
biting his lower lip as he spread his legs once more, his dick hard on his stomach, to receive
Hyunjin’s taut body, and his glistening hardness, between them.

“Keep touching yourself, baby.” Hyunjin said, waiting for Felix to do exactly that, while slowly
bringing two of his fingers to Felix’s lips.

A hand back on his cock, Felix eagerly opened his mouth, sucking on Hyunjin’s fingers, his tongue
twirling around them, stroking himself faster under Hyunjin’s burning gaze. As slowly as before,
his movement controlled despite how desperate, how needy he was to get inside Felix, Hyunjin
took his fingers out of Felix’s mouth, bringing them down, down, down between his legs until the
tip of his index finger could tease his anus, pressing against the entrance of his tight hole. Felix
whimpered loudly, with another stroke of his cock, swaying his hips impatiently. He needed it, he
needed the release, he needed Hyunjin. He thought he might lose his mind if he had to wait any
longer.

Feeling the same overwhelming need, the same urge, Hyunjin stopped his teasing, sliding his index
finger inside Felix’s warm hole, trying to be gentle despite his desire to be rough, to unravel Felix,
make him beg and cry and lead him to the orgasm of his life. Felix clenched himself around that
simple finger, feeling so tight already that Hyunjin felt dizzy only imagining what it would feel like
to have him clenching around his pulsating cock instead. Pressed by this feeling and the breathless
whimpers of Felix that was now stroking his dick without mercy, Hyunjin quickly slid a second
and then a third finger, forgetting his previous caution and gentleness, basking in the moans Felix
was trying to muffle.

When he took out all his fingers at once, watching Felix’s tight asshole all stretched out and ready
for him, Hyunjin groaned. Felix felt empty, needing to be filled once more, to have Hyunjin inside
him finally. He rolled his hips to incite his lover, precum leaking abundantly from the tip of his
sensitive cock now, as he slid his hand up and down his length once more as Hyunjin had
instructed. Hyunjin looked up at Felix, expectant and Felix smiled, looking both like an angel and a
sinner all at once.

“Please, Hyunie..” he begged with no shame.

This was all Hyunjin needed to finally direct the tip of his cock against Felix’s asshole, thrusting
his hips roughly to impale himself inside him, up to the shaft. Felix loudly cried out, forgetting for
a second that they weren’t in an empty house, closing his eyes and throwing his head back at the
overwhelming sensation of being so completely stretched and full. But Hyunjin grabbed his lover’s
chin firmly, forcing Felix to look at him again.

“Don’t you take your eyes off me.” he ordered, his voice rough and raw, his cock throbbing in
Felix’s perfectly tight hole, unmoving. He leaned his body just enough to capture Felix’s lips,
groaning against them “You’re so tight. So perfect around my cock.”

That was all the warning he gave before almost entirely pulling out and slamming back inside
Felix, all gentleness forgotten, wanting to own every inch of him, inside and out. Losing his grip
on his own dick, too lost in the overwhelming pleasure Hyunjin was offering him, Felix cried out
his lover’s name loudy again. Hyunjin smiled, pleased, feral, but still slowly moved his hand to
place it over Felix’s mouth. He loved hearing him moan and cry and say his name as he was
unraveling, but he couldn’t afford having Chan burst through the doors before he was done with
him.

“Did I tell you to stop?” he asked, talking about Felix’s cock, abandoned on his stomach while
Felix was grabbing fistfuls of the sheets, his moans muffled by Hyunjin’s hand, his hips moving in
unison with his, frantically.

Like the obedient boy he was, Felix quickly reached for his dick again and Hyunjin could see he
was close, so close already. And he, himself wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer, not when
Felix was so tight, squirming under him, with his abused cock twitching in his tiny fingers and tears
of pleasure gathering at the corner of his eyes. He was trying so hard to control himself, to not
finish too fast, to make it last, but Felix was just too sinful looking.

“Please..” he heard Felix trying to say under his hand, his voice muffled. He took his fingers away
as he slid himself inside and out of Felix’s ass, waiting for the boy’s words. “Please Hyunjin,
please.. Please I need you to fill me up.. I’m going to cum, please I..” he was panting, his eyes
glazed over and those words, in that pretty mouth of his, that mouth that had been around
Hyunjin’s cock just minutes before, made Hyunjin lose that last shred of control he had on
himself.

He slammed inside Felix, deep, hard, over and over again. His hand found his way back on Felix’s
mouth, sliding two fingers between his lips, Felix’s sucking on them, saliva coating his chin as he
whimpered and moaned and cried unintelligible words, his own hand stroking his cock mercilessly.
And with a few more thrust of hips, Felix unraveled, his cock twitching in his hand before hot cum
splattered his whole abdomen, dripping from his small fingers. The sight was enough to bring
Hyunjin to his climax as well and with Felix’s name on his tongue, he pushed himself in him one
last time, filling his tight hole with his juice until, panting, he pulled out, some of his cum dripping
out of his lover under Hyunjin’s pleased gaze.

They both stayed like that for a second, just catching their breaths, coming back to the reality of the
moment, before finally Hyunjin leaned down, letting some of his weight fall gently onto Felix’s
body, the both of them unbothered by the mess they had made, the cum on the sheets and on their
clothes, as Hyunjin reached up to pushed Felix’s small strands out of his face, so gently it was
almost heartbreaking to Felix after the earth shattering experience they just had. Their lips met in
the softest of kiss, just a brush of their lips, a shared breath, before Felix broke the silence again.

“I love you.” he said, for the umpteenth time that day, the emotion showing on Hyunjin’s face
proving to him that he would never get enough to hear it, just like Felix would never get enough to
say it.
“I love you..” Hyunjin whispered in return, locking their eyes as his fingers lazily caressed his
freckled cheek. “Felix?” he asked after a long second of silence. When Felix answered with a
simple ‘mmh?’, playing with Hyunjin’s hair with his eyes half closed, exhausted, Hyunjin
continued, emotion clear in his voice. “Come home, please.”

And Felix knew. Just like he had known when he left, just like he had known when Chan appeared
in front of him earlier that day. He knew now, that no matter the circumstances, no matter the
obstacles and the risks, he would do everything in his power to go back.

Because nothing would ever keep him away from his family, ever again.
 Epilogue
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

~ ONE YEAR LATER ~

The crowd was still cheering and clapping even long minutes after they had returned backstage.
The holiday atmosphere was in full force and the Christmas song Chan had composed just for this
occasion had been received extremely well. Chan was still smiling as he made his way through the
maze of corridors, passing doors after doors behind which other singers, other performers, were
now getting ready to go home. Maybe some of them were going to a Christmas party in town,
maybe some of them would go back to their lonesome and maybe some of them had a family
Christmas to attend too. At least Chan surely did.

After a few minutes he finally found his way outside, the freezing air slapping his already flushed
face, still unable to wash away the smile of pure happiness from his face as he opened the driver’s
door, sliding inside the loudly crowded car.

“Come on, old man, we can’t all freeze to death here!” Jeongin called from the very back of the
car, puffs of white air coming out of his mouth.

“You just want to get your presents from under the tree!” Changbin, next to him, teased, poking the
youngest’s ticklish side with his gloved finger.

“And I want my eggnog! Can we get a move on!?” Jisung loudly yelled over the cacophony of
Changbin and Jeongin fighting at the back.

“We’re still missing someone..” Hyunjin chuckled, peering outside the window as if the chaos
surrounding him didn’t even exist.

As if on cue, the passenger door opened, a head full of blond hair peeking inside with a sunny
smile, nose as red as the stop light at the end of the street. Felix climbed into the car under the
cheers of all his brothers before finally Chan could start up the engine. The performance had been
fantastic, a lot of people coming specifically to see them and once more they couldn’t be more
grateful. But despite how tired their bodies were from having special performances back to back
for a whole week, the night wasn’t over for them. Because it was Christmas night. And Christmas,
needed to be celebrated properly, with a brightly decorated tree, some presents passing from hand
to hand, a little too much alcohol in the eggnog, and more than anything, with family by your side.

“Wow.. Thank you so much..” Jisung exclaimed, his enthusiasm so clearly fake it was comical,
looking at the present in his hands like he couldn’t quite figure out what exactly was the purpose of
it.
“It’s for your feet!” Minho explained, as if that much was obvious. “So please, from now on, stop
infesting the whole house with your rancid feet!”

“Please!” Seungmin exclaimed with a vigorous nod.

“I beg you!” Jeongin added, his hands pressed together.

Everyone around laughed, Jisung himself joining the fun. The gifts amongst them all had been a
mix of weird, humorous and very thoughtful baubles that they had unwrapped excitedly, one after
the other during the last hour, only remnants of shiny wrapping paper littering the floor of the
whole living room.

Felix was softly laughing, looking at Minho bother Jisung before leaning to kiss the corner of his
mouth, sheepishly looking away, a tinge of red coating his cheeks but his fingers still firmly
interlocked with the ones of his boyfriend. What a long way they had come. Engrossed in his
memories of the past year, Felix didn’t notice right away when Hyunjin walked up to him, a tiny
box, the only present still yet to be open, cupped in his large hands. When he finally looked up, he
beamed at him, his smile brighter when it was directed to Hyunjin, than any other times. Hyunjin
smiled right back, extending his hand, his gift in his palm.

Hyunjin had already offered something to Felix earlier in the night, they all did, so he wasn’t
expecting anything else. But, like an excited child, he grabbed the tiny box, already pulling at the
small bow that was wrapped around it, keeping it shut. In his excitement, Felix didn’t notice that
Hyunjin was staring at him expectantly, some anxiousness flashing in his eyes. Not only that, but
all the others had stopped to watch him as well, a very rare silence settling over the living room.

As he reached for the tiny lid of the box, Felix was expecting a funny memorabilia, something that
would remind them of one of their many inside jokes, that he would neatly put on his desk in their
shared room and that would make him softly chuckle every time he laid eyes on it randomly during
the day. What he didn’t expect, however, as he finally opened the box, was to be met with a set of
gorgeous, black and white rings.

“It’s..” he looked up at Hyunjin, speechless.

“It’s a promise.” Hyunjin smiled, shyly. “And a reminder.” he then added with a nod.

Slowly, under everyone’s loving and tender gaze, he lowered himself in front of Felix, delicately
taking the box out of his hands and reaching for the rings inside before grabbing Felix’s tiny hand
in his.

“The situation is not ideal.” he continued. “And I know that this was selfish of me, to ask you to be
with me even if it meant hiding it to the rest of the word..” he offered a sorry pout. “I know this
hasn’t been easy on you either so..” he gently uncurled Felix’s finger before slowly sliding the
rings on it, looking back into his eyes with a world of love shining in his soft smile. “We can wear
these.” he announced, extending his other hand to show Felix the same rings adorning his long
finger. “It may not be fancy, it may not be the real deal.. It’s just a little accessory like any other
but..” he shrugged. “We can wear them and.. We’ll know.”

Felix looked at Hyunjin, speechless, astonished, unable to sort through his own feelings for a
second. A second that stretched up for so long that the smile on Hyunjin’s face faltered slightly,
like he was questioning whether he had made a mistake. But finally, a smile broke on Felix’s face,
small, shy, but so incredibly and utterly happy.

“We’ll know..” he nodded.

 And finally cheers exploded all around them. Hyunjin was the first one to pull Felix into a hug,
pressing his lips to his boyfriend’s temple, squeezing him against his chest, grateful once again to
have him and his unending love, in his life. But what started as a private hug, a wholesome
moment between two lovers, very quickly shifted when not only one or two, but all six other men
threw themselves on the couple for a group hug. A family hug. Chan, behind them, trying to fit
them all into his arms like a father trying to hug all his grown up children at once.

“When did you all get so big? I can barely hug you anymore.” the oldest complained, squeezing
them all tighter nonetheless, the fondness in his voice unmistakable.

They all laughed joyfully, huddling closer to one another to try and fit inside their leader’s arms,
eight grown men squished against one another in the messiest hug Christmas night had ever
witnessed. But they didn’t care, the smiles on their faces were genuine, no worries left in their
hearts. Because even though their year was reaching a close, they knew that their family would
keep on going, keep on growing and that their tale, their journey together, was a neverending story.

Chapter End Notes

THE END.

Today, December 27th, on its one year anniversary, In Need of Sunshine officially
reaches its end. It was a JOURNEY and I am so so forever grateful to all you people
who stuck with me through thick and thin with that story, and for all the people that I
met and that I couldn't imagine my life without now, all thanks to INoS. I'm not gonna
lie, it's a bittersweet moment for me. In Need of Sunshine got me back into my biggest
passion, writing, after depression dragged me far away from it for over a year, it has
brought into my life some of my most important friends, it has made me grow as a
writer tremenduously through the year and it has also built up my confidence thanks to
all of you wonderful people always leaving the warmest comments under each chapter,
even when I couldn't answer anymore.. So yeah, I'm proud that the story reached his
conclusion and I'm so happy that you all get to experience the story in its entirety now.
But I'm also sad that I have to leave those characters and that universe and that family
behind and I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do with myself now that I'm not
"INoS' writer" anymore..

ON THAT NOTE. It might happen, no matter how long in the future, that I add to this
universe. But if I do, I have a very clear idea as to how. I would love to write OS spin-
offs delving into each of the other boys tragic backstories, starting from their early
lives up until the very first time they met Chan, one after the other. If it's something
you would like to see, then it's content I'm willing to make (at some point, not right
this second however). If not, it's fine to. I want you all to let me know~

Anywho, this is the official end of that specific journey together and I really hope that
ending didn't feel rushed, I hope that massive, final, anniversary update was a good
one for you, and I hope that we can all find each other for another journey, with
another set of characters, sooner rather than later.

I love you all so so much and forever thank you for everything ♥
Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!