Is It Good For Being Popular?

Popularity is a loaded word. For many adults, it evokes powerful memories of jockeying for
position in high school cafeterias and hallways.

These memories are salient for a reason, said Mitch Prinstein, a professor of psychology and
author of “Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World.” The urge to be
popular among our peers reaches its zenith in adolescence, “at just the same time we are
developing a stable personality,” said Prinstein. “So the messages you get at age 14 about
who you are and how the world works will affect how you behave when you are 40.”

But popularity has paradoxes. Sometimes the most popular students are also widely disliked
by their peers — even when those same peers seek to emulate them.  And although we are
hardwired to seek popularity, it isn’t always healthy for us, said Prinstein. In fact, one form of
popularity puts teens at risk for long-term consequences.

To make sense of these biological impulses and their social implications, Prinstein’s research
focuses on two distinct types of popularity: likability and status.

The type of popularity that brings back memories of the middle school pecking order is
related to status. Status, said Prinstein, “is not a measure of how well a person is liked.”
Rather, it reflects a person’s visibility, dominance and influence on the group.

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But there is another type of popularity that reflects a person’s likability. This is the first form
of popularity that kids experience. “At the age of 3, you can go in and ask kids who they like
most and least. The popular kids are the ones everyone likes the most,” said Prinstein. Again
and again, children are drawn to peers who treat others with respect, who know how to share
and cooperate, and who make other members of the group feel good about themselves.

But as children enter middle school, the equation changes. “In adolescence, something
happens in our brains –  the neurochemical cocktail of oxytocin and dopamine,” said
Prinstein. Oxytocin (sometimes called the “love hormone”) promotes a need to connect and
bond with others; dopamine activates the brain’s pleasure center and is commonly associated
with the high people feel from drugs. As a result, said Prinstein, teens “become almost
addicted to any type of attention from peers.”

Unfortunately, one of the fastest ways to get attention from peers is to exercise “dominance,
aggression, and power, and that is where the second form of popularity — status — is
formed.” Prinstein likens status-seeking to a primate beating its chest to show dominance:
“The non-human part of our brains —  or rather the part of our brain that resembles other
animal species —  makes us attuned to that type of popularity.”

Adolescents at Risk

Prinstein notes that “the ability to interact with peers and remain emotionally regulated
predicts addiction, dropout rates, relationships issues and even child-rearing ability.”
Researchers have found that two groups of teens are most at risk for long-term consequences
related to their social status.
The first group is those who experience repeated rejection from peers. “We often interpret
situations based on past, not current, experiences,” said Prinstein, so teens who experience
rejection in high school come to “expect rejection” as adults, coloring their interactions with
others and their self-perception.

But high-status popularity also carries with it long-term risk factors. People whose popularity
is grounded in status “grow up and believe that the way you get what you want is to be
aggressive toward others and constantly attend to your social status,” repeating patterns that
seemed to work in high school, said Prinstein. High-status teens are less likely to have
satisfying friendships and romantic relationships later in life. They are also at higher risk for
substance abuse problems, including DUIs.

Prinstein’s research points to a few ways that adults can help students navigate these two
types of popularity, giving teenagers valuable context for what is happening in their brains
and in the hallways at school.

Teach Social and Leadership Skills

Data suggest that even after accounting for factors such as IQ and socioeconomic status, “it is
our likability that predicts so many outcomes decades later,” said Prinstein. “It’s key to how
to be successful in a modern-day world. But it’s an area we spend so little time teaching and
monitoring — to everybody’s detriment.”

For example, when assigning group work, teachers shouldn’t assume that teenagers have the
skills to work together effectively, said Prinstein. Small groups are often a microcosm of
larger social dynamics — and can be both powerful and potentially painful for participants.
Teachers can prepare students for more effective group work by helping them identify and
practice effective leadership skills. Prinstein’s research finds that “likable leaders lead
differently than high-status leaders,” giving teachers an opportunity to explicitly promote the
qualities of likable leaders.

“Likable leaders do a really good job of making everyone on the team feel valued. They do a
lot of listening and not as much talking. They help create group norms and a group harmony.
They make sure everyone feels heard and that the end product has a piece of what each
person contributed,” said Prinstein. “In contrast, high-status leaders insert themselves into
that position and exert dominance. It’s a different mindset. [Ultimately], likable leaders are
the best leaders.”

Provide Scaffolded Support

Evidence suggests that parents can effectively support their preschoolers’ social learning and
likability through “scaffolding”: providing structure and modeling of positive social behavior
and then stepping back as they grow more capable.

In middle and high school, parents can still provide valuable social support, said Prinstein.
Instead of “How do I share my toys?” the question might be “How do I turn down an
invitation gracefully?” or “How do I express my feelings to a friend who has hurt me?”
According to one study, when parents talked with their children about social skills —
including what to look for in a friend or how to interact positively with others — they
developed stronger peer relationships.
Help Teens Navigate Social Media

Social media feeds our primal desire for peer attention, said Prinstein. Likes, followers and
retweets provide what feels like measurable data about one’s social status. “We are in a
status-seeking crisis as a society. There are kids who feel that their experiences haven’t really
happened until they have shared them and seen how many responses they get. It erodes our
ability to make our own judgments in alignment with our values.”

As Prinstein said, “Every media outlet tells them, ‘Gain as many followers as you can!’ But
every piece of data says that this will make them lonely, depressed and at risk for relationship
problems. Social media is serving some of our social needs but not all of our social needs.”

Prinstein said that, based on his research, he would offer this advice to teens: “You know that
momentary high you might get by making yourself seem higher in status by disparaging
others? It might feel good in the short term, but it’s not only damaging to others, it is
damaging to you in the long run. ”

Instead, he said, “Spend your time learning how to be empathic and forge genuine
relationships. Connect with people. Become a better listener. Focus on developing good
friendships and being likable — caring and connected with others.”

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In the end, he said, “you may be better off if you are not the most popular teen in your
school.”

Does this research suggest that popularity and/or “coolness” is inherently bad? No. There are
different reasons why kids find themselves in the “it crowd.” Some kids are popular for
superficial reasons—for what they have or for how they look, or because they live on the
edge, thwart authority, or carefully cultivate their every statement and move with the end goal
of being popular.

Other kids are popular because they possess desirable personal attributes, such as being kind,
empathetic, funny, or uniquely quirky. Some kids have warm or charismatic personalities that
others are naturally drawn too. That doesn’t mean these popular kids are unable to form deep
friendships with a select handful of close friends. Some kids are fortunate to be popular and
have the desire and ability to develop supportive, sincere friendships.

The bottom line? When considering friendships as a gauge of personal fulfillment and
happiness, quality trumps quantity! Those students who are never picked first, rarely make
the team or win the election, and aren’t always invited to the parties should be just fine in the
long run, as long as they have even one friend they can confide in and rely on.

For most kids and parents the issue of popularity at school is likely to come up sooner or
later. I’ve had calls from parents of very young children who are concerned that their five- or
six-year-old didn’t get invited to a party.  And many older kids strive to be popular at school. 
But there are positives and negatives to being popular, and popularity is subjective.  It can
depend on an individual’s perception of what it means to be “well liked.”
Kathleen Boykin McElhaney, a research associate in psychology at the University of
Virginia, conducted a study on popularity among adolescents.  She found that a person’s
perception of how they fit into the social world is just as important–if not more important–
than their real-life position in the social world.  Therefore, believing you are popular can be
just as effective as actually being perceived by others as being popular.  That’s good news for
both parents and kids.  It provides useful information for families as they wade through the
social anxieties of adolescence.

Being considered popular at school can be both a blessing and a curse.  A student who is
popular on his or her own merits is generally a happy, well-adjusted individual. These
students are friendly, talk to everyone, do well with academics and set a good example.  Their
peers look up to them because they are admired for their positive traits.  This type of popular
person respects others as well.

Other students however, may be popular due to things over which they have little control,
such as physical appearance, natural athletic ability or wealth.  If one is an extremely
fortunate individual, he or she may also be kind and generous.  But that is not always true. 
Television dramas, sitcoms and reality shows often depict the opposite type of fortunate
individual who is mean and bratty.

Of course being popular at school can also come from engaging in negative behavior.  If your
child is hanging out with a destructive crowd because he or she wants to be popular, this
could have a negative effect.  When kids gain popularity by compromising their values or
your family’s values, that’s taking the need to be popular too far and direct intervention may
be necessary on your part.

Alternatively, how can kids cope when they don’t think of themselves as popular and they are
not considered popular by others?  There are other ways to achieve the same psychological
benefits of being popular without being the football player or the cheerleader.  Help your
child understand this and find a group, even if it’s small, in which they feel comfortable and
well-liked.  This can be just as rewarding.  Kids who have trouble blending in with the
mainstream can sometimes have skills that enhance their ability to make friends elsewhere
such as at church or in music and art groups.  Remember, a kid’s world is very small.  They
usually meet within their zip codes.  Adults on the other hand can select professions where
they meet others who are like-minded, but who live outside their immediate physical
environment.  If your child thinks he or she is not fitting in easily in the school setting,
encourage them to meet kids outside their school environment.  If monitored properly and
used appropriately, online social networks can be a good way for kids to meet other kids.
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The bottom line is no matter how old you are, it feels good to be included in a group.  Social
acceptance is a very primary need among adults and children.  But teach your kids that what
they think, feel and believe about themselves is ultimately what will make them happy and
popular.

Popularity attracts attention - you are noticed more, judged more, your flaws and failings are more
closely observed, and you are more gossiped about. Popularity is competitive - since so many people
want to be popular, you have to perform your best against your rivals every day.
t can be a heady feeling to be at the peak of a social group, but there are some downsides to
being popular. For instance, Lara Mayeux and her colleagues found that popularity is linked
to risky behaviors such as smoking, drinking alcohol, and early sexual activity among high
school students. Becoming more popular can also lead to peer resentment and dislike. One
study found that only 9 percent of popular children are widely liked by their peers.

Excessive focus on popularity can also involve a distorted perspective on relationships.

Jennifer Crocker and her colleagues argue that focusing on self-image goals at the expense of
more compassionate goals leads people to feel competitive, anxious, depressed, and
disconnected.

Befriending popular children can enhance popularity, but this is risky because it often involves a loss
of previous friends. For instance, if a girl turns away from her old friends to hang out with more elite
girls, her old friends may feel hurt or consider her a snob. If she is then treated cruelly by the popular
kids, she may end up feeling she has no place to go socially. She may feel stuck or lost, because she
no longer likes the popular kids, but she has burned bridges with her old friends.

f you’re a parent, you may want to stop your kids from being popular.

If you’re a teen, you may want to stop trying to be the cool kid in your school.

For one, being popular in high school can actually tremendously impact you later in life.
Business Insider reported Thursday that teens who try to act older than they are during high
school usually find themselves with drug and alcohol problems in the future.

"It appears that while so-called cool teens' behavior might have been linked to early
popularity, over time, these teens needed more and more extreme behaviors to try to appear
cool," Joseph P. Allen, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, said in a
statement. Allen was the lead author of the study that found this information.

But it’s not just about trying to act cool and being the popular student. Building relationships
for simply superficial reasons can also impact you later in life, according to Business Insider

“Teens who become popular simply by hanging out with pretty people probably don't work
as hard to develop meaningful relationships, according to the study,” Business Insider
reported. “That behavior is carried into adulthood, to their detriment.”

“When you know a lot of people, you have more connections that you may not have if you
are really quiet and to yourself,” Farrow wrote. “It makes things easier for you because your
reputation comes before you.”

But Farrow also wrote that it might be best to focus on your future and then your reputation
later on.

“Be the brighter student,” Farrow wrote. “Stay smart and don’t worry about friends and
popularity. You will have plenty of time for that after graduation.”

“Chasing after popularity can be stressful for children- and their parents. A growing body of
research suggests that they should give a different focus to their social energies. Having
intimate friendships, it turns out, brings more long-term benefits, such as higher self-esteem
and lower levels of anxiety and depression.”

The article also states that Princeton N.J. based psychologist Eileen Kennedy-Moore found
that,

“We have given our children everything and now look at them! Just look at them….the
most important things to them are money, fame, and getting the most “Likes” on Instagram or
the longest “Snapstreak” on Snapchat. All they care about is themselves. They don’t give a
hoot about others. This is not what we intended!”

Parents all over the world want the best for their children. Many have given them everything.
Has it backfired? Has it gone awry? Unknowingly parents may have overindulged their
children. I believe childhood overindulgence is the process parents unintentionally employ
that instills materialistic values in their children.

he desire for:

•Wealth (to be very wealthy, to have lots of expensive things, to be rich)

•Fame (to have my name known by many people, to be admired by many people, to be
famous)

•Image (to be attractive, to look good, to wear the latest fashions)

Meaningful relationships (to have good faithful friends, to have intimate committed
relationships, to have deep enduring friendships)

•Personal Growth (to learn new things, to live a meaningful life, to accept oneself)

•Community Contributions (to work to improve society, to help others without receiving
anything in return, and to help others make their lives better)

What About Today’s Youth?

•Wealth – According to UCLA’s annual survey more freshmen than ever (74.6%) say they
go to college to make more money.

•Fame – A recent survey found that nearly three-quarters of young people today want a
career in online videos; become a YouTuber. Teens post a picture on Facebook or Instagram
and hope for as many "likes" as possible. 100 likes or more are considered good. Less is a
poor showing, even embarrassing. Some teens say they'll delete pictures that don't hit 100 or
more likes.

•Image – Note the “Gucci-clad tots” in Harper Bazaar’s article titled "15 Kids Who Are
Already Pro Fashion Bloggers. The most stylish kids to follow on Instagram."

1. Parents should be aware that overindulging encourages children to become:

 Disinterested in the betterment of society

  Unwilling to assist people in need
 Unwilling to make the world a better place, and
 Unwilling to help people improve their lives except in order to get something in return

Being popular is always desirable to us humans. Kids are no exception. As there are perks to being a
famous child (either born to famous parents, or a child prodigy), so are there umpteen pitfalls to the
same.

For celeb kids, sometimes, existence itself is a reason enough to make headlines. A video of a 5-year-
old singing any of his rock star parent’s songs, in that cutest ever accent, can go viral in seconds.
Besides the attention, they are also, of course, pampered at home. Also, it seems like very few (or
actually none) of their wishes are left unfulfilled.

Being born to famous parents, famous children naturally inherit a lavish lifestyle. And why not; who
wouldn’t want to travel places (right since you were a toddler) and see the world first-class. It adds
to your persona and gives you so much to flaunt. Possibly, you also get to live in all the world-famous
cities, not as tourists, but as residents, because that is where you all have a home.

Children are portrayed brilliantly in several media projects; and are paid extremely well too. They
also earn great accolades and acclaim at a very young age. In this case, the parents of the child
prodigy are drawn into the limelight because of the kid. Besides, little ones who shine in a sport, or
an art, or in academics, achieve immense fame and admirers too. Excellent, as long as they have fun
in whatever they do!

It is said that ‘fame’ follows ‘name’. Celeb kids are bound to have a head start when they choose to
(or have to) venture into the same field as that of their famous parents. Born and brought up in a
well-known musician’s family, for instance, the kid is already familiar with the environment of the
entertainment industry. He/she is thus easily accepted or welcomed by the majority.

It’s never all hunky-dory being a famous child though. The paparazzi can be very annoying as they
are curious about everything that concerns you, even if you happen to sneeze! Being famous, you
cannot roam the streets freely, or go out with the family, or even stand peacefully in your garden.
Given a chance, they would follow you even in the bathroom! Not at all fun.

Celeb kids or child prodigies are generally more exposed to the real world than their peers. Also, the
praise and acclaim they receive boosts their self-esteem, which may create problems for them as
adults. Fame and glory may risk the child’s childhood and make him/her mature at a young age. It is
not surprising then, to see the kid’s parents being worried about their little hearts growing up.

f you are a born star or born into stardom, either ways, you are expected to – first, follow in the
footsteps of your parents, and second, even surpass them in popularity and fame. How can such a
famous child NOT feel any pressure? He/she has to struggle to break this circle of expectation, and
respect his true calling. On the contrary, when happy to follow in the footsteps of dad or mum,
taking all the good and bad equally, also needs courage.

Fame should be a blessing, but if not properly handled might become a burden. Maturity and
exposure to a great extent determines what you make of fame, and what you get out of it. It can be
like a two edged sword really.

Advantages:

-having more money

-special treats

-get recognitions

-opportunities abound

-having devoted fans/followers- make you as their idol

-special care wherever you go

Disadvantages:

-paparazzi

-neglection of study

-stalkers

-no privacy

-issue of trust

-fake friends

-get hated for no reason – due to jealousy

As you can see, fame is both a blessing and a curse. You can cherish all of your worldly possessions
and live a rich lifestyle for as long as you wish, but some things must be sacrificed, such as your
privacy. Though this may seem to tilt a lot towards the negative, you mustn’t forget that it all
depends on how you choose to see it. Popularity may make or break you, and how you handle this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is all up to you.