Your last name 1

Reviewer (your name):

Eng0802/0812
Instr. Broekema              
Essay 1 Draft 1 Peer-review workshop (Worth 5 points)
Date

Author of draft: (Your partner’s name goes here)

Goals:
1. Experience being a reader and realize the needs of a reader
a. We are writing this essay for an audience who are neither familiar with the topic of
body image nor Graydon’s article. While reading the peer’s draft, pay attention to
how you feel as a reader and try to anticipate how an even more unfamiliar reader
may feel and what they might require to easily follow the writer’s ideas.
2. Practice giving feedback
a. Address your peer directly; say “you” instead of “the writer” and try to respect how
their argument might differ from your own. You don’t need to agree with their
evaluation; but, focus on trying to understand what they are trying to argue. Let the
writer know when you struggle to understand their point and why. Also, let them
know what kind of information or organization might better support your needs as a
reader.
3. Self-reflect on how successfully your own draft addressed the needs of the reader and what
you can do to better satisfy the expectations of this essay assignment.

Instructions:
 Check your Canvas Inbox – I will write to both you and your partner and ask you to
exchange drafts
 Read each section of the draft carefully and place an “X” in the appropriate column
 Respond to questions in yellow cells in a short paragraph; type after the 
 Email a complete copy to your partner (Canvas  Inbox) AND
 Submit the same copy on Canvas (CanvasAssignments)

1. Review the Writer’s Introduction

Introduction Yes No
The writer begins with a hook X

It is related to the topic at hand (evaluating a text or body image and the media) X

The writer includes the context for the essay

X
-(1) Author’s full name, (2) the title of the article, and (3) the issue she is responding to
-Concise summary (Gist) of her argument (her conclusion and reasons) X
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The writer (the author of the draft) includes a thesis that

-States the writer’s overall conclusion (evaluation) about Graydon’s argument AND their reasons X
for the given evaluation.
-Thesis evaluates Graydon’s argument about media’s influence, not media’s influence itself.
X
=> “evaluate” means to state the writer’s judgment about the quality of Graydon’s argument
-Words used indicate the writer’s judgment (it does not merely summarize Graydon’s argument) X
-Thesis is included at the end of the Introduction X
What is working well in the Introduction? What suggestions do you have for the writer?
It accurately outlines the author's views and reasons. It would be better if you could add similar
sentences that evaluate the author's views as one-sided

2. Review Writer’s Supporting Argument (Reason) 1

Main idea (Reason) 1 Yes No

Topic Sentence (TS) states the main point of the paragraph (Topic + Main idea)
Are there the two necessary elements to a successful topic sentence?
1. Topic of the paragraph (One claim of Graydon’s argument that will be evaluated)
X
AND
2. Writer’s opinion (evaluation) of what Graydon does or says
-TS mentions Graydon X
-Is an evaluative sentence (uses evaluative language to pass judgment on what Graydon does
X
or says)
-Is easy to understand, straightforward, not too complicated X

-Includes enough information, but not too much, for an unfamiliar reader to understand the
X
writer’s meaning

Supporting details support the topic sentence by providing a logical explanation (WHY/HOW); also provides
convincing evidence and relevant discussion.

There is sufficient and clear explanation of Graydon on the given topic; an

unfamiliar reader will be able to easily understand Graydon’s idea, reasoning X
or evidence.
Summary of
Graydon
The explanation is clearly focused on the given topic for the paragraph; the X
writer explains the topic that was promised in the topic sentence.
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The writer evaluates what is explained above …

X
-Begins with a clear transition (“Certainly”, “Undeniably”, “However”, etc.)
Evaluation of
Graydon
-It is related to what is summarized above X

-Explains the reason (WHY) behind the writer’s evaluation. X

Evidence -Includes specific ideas (research results, and other specific points) from
X
supporting Honigman and Castle to support the writer’s evaluation
the
Evaluation -Supporting evidence is relevant to the writer’s evaluation X

-Writer explains HOW or WHY the evidence supports the topic sentence.
X
-Writer expands on their evaluation point using the evidence.
Concluding sentence (recaps the main point of the paragraph) Yes No
-Restates the topic and main idea of this paragraph in a more specific way. X
Paragraph coherence Yes No
Does the paragraph have one clear focus (one main point being made)? X

Are all parts of the paragraph logically related? X

Does the writer use transition words and other phrases to help the reader easily follow the
X
ideas?
Share openly about how you felt as a reader:

 What are you impressed with? What is clear and easy to understand? What do you find effective about
the paragraph? (Write at least 5 lines)
 I was impressed by the many examples the author used in the paragraphs. And the logic in the paragraph
is very clear, which can clearly understand the meaning that the author wants to discuss, and the
examples that can be cited from him are convincing.As the first body paragraph, this paragraph clearly
evaluates Graydon's ideas and refutes them with correct evidence.This is a good paragraph, but I think
there are still some areas that need to be improved

 When/where in the paragraph do you feel unsure or confused? Why?
 There is some confusion between different examples, which may be due to the lack of some turning
words
 What kind of changes would help an unfamiliar reader better understand the purpose of the paragraph?
Be specific. (Write at least 5 lines)
 I think we can eliminate some unnecessary examples, because many examples are used in this article.
For example, when describing how some women try to change their bodies, the author listed many
cosmetic and surgical projects. And the author seems to be describing how the media makes people want
to do this. However, it seems to be a little different from topic sentence. It would be better to focus on
"the impact of media will not cause disease"
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3. Review Writer’s Supporting Argument (Reason) 2

Main idea (Reason) 2 Yes No

Topic Sentence (TS) states the main point of the paragraph (Topic + Main idea)
Are there the two necessary elements to a successful topic sentence?
3. Topic of the paragraph (One claim of Graydon’s argument that will be evaluated)
X
AND
4. Writer’s opinion (evaluation) of what Graydon does or says
-TS mentions Graydon X
-Is an evaluative sentence (uses evaluative language to pass judgment on what Graydon does
X
or says)
-Is easy to understand, straightforward, not too complicated X

-Includes enough information, but not too much, for an unfamiliar reader to understand the
X
writer’s meaning

Supporting details support the topic sentence by providing a logical explanation (WHY/HOW); also provides
convincing evidence and relevant discussion.

There is sufficient and clear explanation of Graydon on the given topic; an

unfamiliar reader will be able to easily understand Graydon’s idea, reasoning X
or evidence.
Summary of
Graydon
The explanation is clearly focused on the given topic for the paragraph; the X
writer explains the topic that was promised in the topic sentence.

The writer evaluates what is explained above …

X
-Begins with a clear transition (“Certainly”, “Undeniably”, “However”, etc.)
Evaluation of
Graydon
-It is related to what is summarized above X

-Explains the reason (WHY) behind the writer’s evaluation. X

Evidence -Includes specific ideas (research results, and other specific points) from
X
supporting Honigman and Castle to support the writer’s evaluation
the
Evaluation -Supporting evidence is relevant to the writer’s evaluation X
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-Writer explains HOW or WHY the evidence supports the topic sentence.
X
-Writer expands on their evaluation point using the evidence.
Concluding sentence (recaps the main point of the paragraph) Yes No
-Restates the topic and main idea of this paragraph in a more specific way. X
Paragraph coherence Yes No
Does the paragraph have one clear focus (one main point being made)? X

Are all parts of the paragraph logically related? X

Does the writer use transition words and other phrases to help the reader easily follow the
X
ideas?
Share openly about how you felt as a reader:

 What are you impressed with? What is clear and easy to understand? What do you find effective about
the paragraph? (Write at least 5 lines)
The author's topic sentence sums it up correctly. And the evidence used is easy for readers to
understand. As the second body paragraph in the article, this paragraph serves as a link between the
preceding and the following. The logic in the article is correct and effective, so that readers can clearly
understand the meaning of the author. At the end of the paragraph, it also directly judges the views from
graydon
 When/where in the paragraph do you feel unsure or confused? Why?
 What kind of changes would help an unfamiliar reader better understand the purpose of the paragraph?
Be specific. (Write at least 5 lines)

There is nothing particularly puzzling to me, because the author uses clear overview examples and report
words. I think the format and citation of this paragraph should be modified, which is very important for
the article.
And in the article, more conjunctions should be added, such as although, but. This is helpful for more fluent
reading of the article. I think this is a perfect paragraph, which only needs a few modifications
What about the writer’s approach appeals to you? What seems to be working well? (Write at
least 5 lines)
-The author will mention a lot of examples and opinions from other people in the article,
which is very helpful to improve the persuasiveness of the article, and also attracts me to
continue reading. And the body paragraph of the article is not repeated or similar,
which I think is well done.
How did you struggle as a reader in this paragraph? For example, did you struggle
understanding any part of the paragraph or the main point? What would you like the writer to
do differently to help you or an unfamiliar reader better understand and follow the writer’s
point? Be specific. (Write at least 5 lines)
-
As a reader, I may be confused in some paragraphs. For example, in the first cabinet body
paragraph, the examples used by the author do not well support the topic sentence. Therefore,
it would be better if the author could use sentences that are more appropriate to the topic. And
in the article, some inferences may be too complicated. For example, intro needs to use more
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concise sentences to describe and summarize the views from Graydon, and write the reasons
for judgment

4. Evaluate the Overall Body

Overall Body Yes No

Can you easily tell that there are at least two distinct aspects (ideas or argument strategies)
being evaluated in the essay?

(Map the writer’s argument)

X
Writer’s overall conclusion about the quality of Graydon’s argument Gray's view is one-
sided. The media is not the only reason that affects body image
Reason 1: It is a prejudice that the media will cause women to suffer from diseases
Reason 2: The media has shaped the extreme standards for women's bodies

 If any of the reasons (the topic of evaluation) are repeating, explain why you felt that way.
no
 To ensure that the essay discusses at least two distinct aspects of Graydon’s argument, can you suggest
some other aspects of Graydon’s argument that the writer might evaluate?
I think the author has mentioned different aspects

-Writer uses substantial ideas from Honigman and Castle, and they are used effectively to
X
support the writer’s evaluation.
 What other specific concepts and examples from Honigman and Castle might you suggest the writer to
consider?
Nothing more

5. Review the Conclusion

Conclusion Yes No

-The essay ends with a conclusion paragraph. X

-Conclusion summarizes the writer’s main ideas and explains how they support the overall
X
conclusion about the quality of Graydon’s argument.

-Conclusion ends with a thought-provoking comment about why the writer’s thesis matters (So
X
what; who cares?)
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6. Self-reflection: Reflect on your own draft and make a revision plan for the second
draft.

What will you try to improve while writing the full draft based on the insight gained from
this activity? While reviewing your peer’s draft and the review criteria, what do you
realize about the strengths and weaknesses of your own first draft?
Explain at least three things you will do on the second draft. Be specific and write at
least 10 lines in total. Consider the following for your reflection:

Add more examples from different people, and modify the second and third body
natural paragraphs to reduce their similarity.

1. The first thing I need to do is to evaluate Graydon's views on media in intro instead of
discussing the media itself. In my essay, I seem to judge too much whether the media
affects people rather than whether the media conforms to Graydon's evaluation
2.Secondly, in the body paragraph, I almost only used the example from Graydon to
prove right and wrong. So I need to add examples and ideas from different authors in the
second draft to increase credibility.
3.Finally, I need to consider whether my body paragraphs are similar, because my first
and second body paragraphs discuss the company or industry culture, and I may need to
write from different aspects