Framing and enacting a difficult conversation: 7P Model (Brown,2022)

1. Ponder
2. Purpose
3. Person
4. Principles
5. Preparation
6. Process
7. Progress
 Phase 1: Ponder first

1. Do you need to have the conversation? Why?

2. What are the implications of your action or inaction?
3. How am I feeling about the issue?
 Phase 2: Purpose

Be clear on your purpose. Reflect on your ‘why’?

What do you what to achieve?
 Phase 3: Person

• What do you know about the person? Personality?

Patterns of behaviour?
• What approaches do you think you could adopt to
engage with the person with the ultimate aim of a
productive outcome as per your stated purpose?
 Phase 4: Principles

 Be authentic
 Be present and ‘nowhere else’
 Take responsibility for your emotional wake
 Let silence do the ‘heavy lifting’
 Tackle your toughest challenge now
 Trust your instincts
 Approach with compassion, kindness and the
aim of retaining human dignity for everyone.
 Phase 5: Preparation for the conversation

 What is the issue or matter I’m trying to resolve?

 What is my counterpart’s view of the issue?
 What are the assumptions are we making about the
situation and each other?
 What underlying things are at stake for each of us?
 Revisit phase 2 Purpose - what do I want to achieve
from engaging in the conversation?
 Phase 6: Process

Three Part rule for difficult conversations

a. Opening Statement (1 minute)

o Name the issue
o Illustrate with example - stick to the facts.
o Describe your emotions about the issue
o Clarify what is at stake
o Indicate your desire to resolve the issue
o Invite a response
 Phase 6: Process

b. Interaction

o Inquire into the other person’s views

o Questions only
o When you understand and acknowledge his / her
view of reality move to resolution
o Look for ‘common ground’

C. Resolution

Aim to make an agreement and determine how each

of you will hold each other responsible.
 Meeting tips

• Place and time of meeting

• You are in control of the meeting
• Calm and methodical approach
• Anger and point scoring free zone
• Let silence do the ‘heavy lifting’.
• Display empathy
• Practice deep listening
• Make good notes
 Notes about the conversation

Mine Hers

Body language Felt hot, sat stiffly. Used my hands a lot. Closed at first, then more
Slowly became calmer. Tried to smile, but relaxed and open. Occasional
it wasn’t spontaneous. smile.

Tone of voice High and rushed at first. Gradually took Cool, didn’t vary much.
on a more normal tone but still talked too
fast.

Emotions Nervous, self-conscious, embarrassed. Seemed calm, objective, a little

Had trouble reading her reaction, which impatient toward the end.
made me feel insecure.

Description of Probably didn’t have enough specific Talked about changes in the
problem arguments. Focused too much on tenure, department and new company
not enough on merit. goals. Didn’t respond directly to
my points.

Objectives stated Led with the request for a raise. Tried to Didn’t respond with a yes or no
keep the focus on that, but maybe lost answer, but said she was
the thread. ? looking at the overall
department.
 Notes about the conversation

Mine Hers

Questions asked or Didn’t ask about what department changes Asked why I thought I should get a
missed. she’s considering and why. raise, but didn’t ask follow-up
questions.

Listening So nervous and flustered that I had a hard Kept eye contact and seemed to
time focusing on what she said. listen.

Common ground Had a one-track mind. Hard to concentrate Said a decision about my raise
on other issues she brought up. would be in the context of overall
changes in the department.

Solutions proposed Requested that we meet again when has Said she’d have more information
more information. in the next few weeks.

Harvard Business Review: 20 Minute Manager: Difficult Conversations

 Phase 7: Progress

Review agreed actions (if this can be reached) on a regular

basis until resolution.