Zen and Compliments

Conventional wisdom in the seduction community is that a woman who cannot accept a
compliment has low self esteem. I think there is some truth in that but a lot of delusion as
well. The big reason a woman you have just met does not accept your compliment is that
to do so is to accept you as an authority in their life. It is to accept you. She is not ready
to do that yet. To put her in that position is to ask her to approve of you. This is a form of
neediness.

Yet simply giving a compliment is not needy. It is only needy if you are trying to buy her
approval of you with your approval of her. Follow?

A typical bit of interaction may go like this:

Guy: "You have lovely hands."

Girl: "Oh, they’re just regular hands."

Guy looks hurt that she dismissed his compliment. He expected her to be wooed by it.
Girl senses this and realizes he had an agenda that just went awry.

Compare this to being a guy who just has a positive view and is a person who likes to
give people approval and who is not using it as a tool. He does not need someone to react
in a specific way. He can roll with it.

Guy: "You have lovely hands."

Girl: "Oh, they’re just regular hands."

Guy: "Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I can see you busting rocks with these. Ha, ha."

Or our guy does not give them a chance to deny his compliment. He dosen’t wait for a
response.

Guy: "Wow, you have lovely hands. Pass the salt and pepper please."

Expect that most people will deny. Or yell at them for not being proud. Or whatever. Just
don’t look forlorn. Don’t try to buy her approval with compliments. Just be a guy who
shows the world approval.

Why give compliments at all?

Because they keep you in a mind frame of appreciation. You cannot be in your head
when you are thinking about other people. They keep you positive. They lubricate many
of your social interactions. People crave appreciation, even if outwardly they deny it. And
approval is a gateway to creating sexual tension - more on that later.