TWI LI GHT

By : St epheni e Mey er
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Cont ent s

PREFACE
1. FI RST SI GHT
2. OPEN BOOK
3. PHENOMENON
4. I NVI TATI ONS
5. BLOOD TYPE
6. SCARY STORI ES
7. NI GHTMARE
8. PORT ANGELES
9. THEORY
10. I NTERROGATI ONS
11. COMPLI CATI ONS
12. BALANCI NG
13. CONFESSI ONS
14. MI ND OVER MATTER
15. THE CULLENS
16. CARLI SLE
17. THE GAME
18. THE HUNT
19. GOODBYES
20. I MPATI ENCE
21. PHONE CALL
22. HI DE- AND- SEEK
23. THE ANGEL
24. AN I MPASSE
EPI LOGUE: AN OCCASI ON

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Tex t c opy r i ght © 2005 by St epheni e Mey er
Al l r i ght s r es er v ed.
Li t t l e, Br own and Company
Ti me War ner Book Gr oup
1271 Av enue of t he Amer i c as , New Yor k , NY 10020
Vi s i t our Web s i t e at www. l b- t eens . c om
Fi r s t Edi t i on: Sept ember 2005
The c har ac t er s and ev ent s por t r ayed i n t hi s book ar e f i c t i t i ous .
Any s i mi l ar i t y t o r eal per s ons , l i v i ng or dead, i s c oi nc i dent al and not
i nt ended by t he aut hor .
Li br ar y of Congr es s Cat al ogi ng- i n- Publ i c at i on Dat a

Mey er , St ephani e, 1973—

Twi l i ght : a nov el / by St ephani e Mey er . — 1s t ed.
Summar y : Gr ade 9 Up–Heads t r ong, sun- l ov i ng, 17- y ear - ol d Bel l a dec l i nes her mom' s
i nv i t at i on t o mov e t o Fl or i da, and i ns t ead r el uc t ant l y opt s t o move t o her dad' s c abi n i n
t he dr ear y , r ai ny t own of For k s , WA. She bec omes i nt r i gued wi t h Edwar d Cul l en, a di s t ant ,
s t y l i s h, and di s ar mi ngl y hands ome s eni or , who i s al s o a v ampi r e. When he r ev eal s t hat hi s
s pec i f i c c l an hunt s wi l dl i f e i ns t ead of humans , Bel l a deduc es t hat s he i s s af e f r om hi s
bl ood- s uc k i ng i ns t i nc t s and t her ef or e f r ee t o f al l hopel es s l y i n l ov e wi t h hi m. The
f eel i ng i s mut ual , and t he r es ul t i ng v ol at i l e r omanc e s mol der s as t hey at t empt t o hi de
Edwar d' s i dent i t y f r om her f ami l y and t he r es t of t he s c hool . Mey er adds an eer i e new
t wi s t t o t he mi s mat c hed, s t ar - c r os s ed l ov er s t heme: pr edat or f al l s f or pr ey , human f al l s
f or v ampi r e. Thi s t ens i on s t r i ps away any pr et ens e r eader s may have about t he ev er y day
t een r omanc e nov el ,
when one s mal l mi s t
t hei r r el at i ons hi p
out s i de c l an i nf i l t
nov el ' s danger - f ac t
mor phs i nt o a t er r i
f ol l ow, Twi l i ght wi
and k i s s i ng, t ouc hi ng, and t al k i ng t ak e on an ent i r el y new meani ng
ak e c oul d be l i f e- t hr eat eni ng. Bel l a and Edwar d' s s t r uggl e t o mak e
wor k bec omes a s t r uggl e f or s ur v i v al , es pec i al l y when v ampi r es f r om an
r at e t he Cul l en t er r i t or y and head s t r ai ght f or her . As a r es ul t , t he
or s k y r oc k et s as t he ex c i t ement of s ec r et l ov e and hus hed af f ec t i on
f y i ng r ac e t o s t ay al i v e. Real i s t i c , s ubt l e, s uc c i nc t , and eas y t o
l l hav e r eader s dy i ng t o s i nk t hei r t eet h i nt o i t .

1. Vampi r es — Fi c t i on.
2. Hi gh s c hool s — Fi c t i on.
3. Sc hool s — Fi c t i on.
4. Was hi ngt on ( St at e) — Fi c t i on.
Pr i nt ed i n t he Uni t ed St at es of Amer i c a

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For my bi g s i s t er , Emi l y ,
wi t hout whos e ent hus i as m t hi s s t or y mi ght s t i l l be unf i ni s hed.
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But of t he t r ee of t he k nowl edge of good and ev i l ,

t hou s hal t not eat of i t :
f or i n t he day t hat t hou eat es t t her eof
t hou s hal t s ur el y di e.

Genes i s 2: 17
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PREFACE

I ' d nev er gi v en muc h t hought t o how I woul d di e — t hough I ' d had r eas on
enough i n t he l as t f ew mont hs — but ev en i f I had, I woul d not have
i magi ned i t l i k e t hi s .
I s t ar ed wi t hout br eat hi ng ac r os s t he l ong r oom, i nt o t he dar k ey es of
t he hunt er , and he l ook ed pl eas ant l y bac k at me.
Sur el y i t was a good way t o di e, i n t he pl ac e of s omeone el s e, s omeone I
l ov ed. Nobl e, ev en. That ought t o c ount f or s omet hi ng.
I k new t hat i f I ' d nev er gone t o For k s , I woul dn' t be f ac i ng deat h now.
But , t er r i f i ed as I was , I c oul dn' t br i ng my s el f t o r egr et t he deci s i on.
When l i f e of f er s y ou a dr eam s o f ar bey ond any of y our ex pec t at i ons , i t ' s
not r eas onabl e t o gr i ev e when i t c omes t o an end.
The hunt er s mi l ed i n a f r i endl y way as he s aunt er ed f or war d t o k i l l me.
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1. FI RST SI GHT
My mot her dr ov e me t o t he ai r por t wi t h t he wi ndows r ol l ed down. I t was
s ev ent y - f i v e degr ees i n Phoeni x , t he s k y a per f ec t , c l oudl es s bl ue. I was
wear i ng my f av or i t e s hi r t — s l eevel es s , whi t e ey el et l ac e; I was wear i ng
i t as a f ar ewel l ges t ur e. My c ar r y - on i t em was a par k a.
I n t he Ol y mpi c Peni ns ul a of nor t hwes t Was hi ngt on St at e, a s mal l t own
named For k s ex i s t s under a near - cons t ant c ov er of c l ouds . I t r ai ns on
t hi s i nc ons equent i al t own mor e t han any ot her pl ac e i n t he Uni t ed St at es
of Amer i c a. I t was f r om t hi s t own and i t s gl oomy , omni pr es ent s hade t hat
my mot her es c aped wi t h me when I was onl y a f ew mont hs ol d. I t was i n
t hi s t own t hat I ' d been c ompel l ed t o s pend a mont h ev er y s ummer unt i l I
was f our t een. That was t he y ear I f i nal l y put my f oot down; t hes e pas t
t hr ee s ummer s , my dad, Char l i e, vac at i oned wi t h me i n Cal i f or ni a f or t wo
week s i ns t ead.
I t was t o For k s t hat I now ex i l ed my s el f — an ac t i on t hat I t ook wi t h
gr eat hor r or . I det es t ed For k s .
I l ov ed Phoeni x . I l ov ed t he s un and t he bl i s t er i ng heat . I l ov ed t he
v i gor ous , s pr awl i ng c i t y .
" Bel l a, " my mom s ai d t o me — t he l as t of a t hous and t i mes — bef or e I got
on t he pl ane. " You don' t hav e t o do t hi s . "
My mom l ook s l i k e me, ex c ept wi t h s hor t hai r and l augh l i nes . I f el t a
s pas m of pani c as I s t ar ed at her wi de, c hi l dl i k e ey es . How c oul d I l eav e
my l ov i ng, er r at i c , har ebr ai ned mot her t o f end f or her s el f ? Of c our s e s he
had Phi l now, s o t he bi l l s woul d pr obabl y get pai d, t her e woul d be f ood
i n t he r ef r i ger at or , gas i n her car , and s omeone t o c al l when s he got
l os t , but s t i l l …
" I want t o go, " I l i ed. I ' d al ways been a bad l i ar , but I ' d been say i ng
t hi s l i e s o f r equent l y l at el y t hat i t s ounded al mos t c onv i nc i ng now.
" Tel l Char l i e I s ai d hi . "
" I wi l l . "
" I ' l l s ee y ou s oon, " s he i ns i s t ed. " You c an c ome home whenev er y ou want —
I ' l l c ome r i ght bac k as s oon as you need me. "
But I c oul d s ee t he s ac r i f i c e i n her ey es behi nd t he pr omi s e.
" Don' t wor r y about me, " I ur ged. " I t ' l l be gr eat . I l ov e y ou, Mom. "
She hugged me t i ght l y f or a mi nut e, and t hen I got on t he pl ane, and s he
was gone.
It ' s a f our - hour f l i ght f r om Phoeni x t o Seat t l e, anot her hour i n a s mal l
pl ane up t o Por t Angel es , and t hen an hour dr i v e bac k down t o For ks .
Fl y i ng does n' t bot her me; t he hour i n t he c ar wi t h Char l i e, t hough, I was
a l i t t l e wor r i ed about .
Char l i e had r eal l y been f ai r l y ni c e about t he whol e t hi ng. He s eemed
genui nel y pl eas ed t hat I was c omi ng t o l i v e wi t h hi m f or t he f i r s t t i me
wi t h any degr ee of per manenc e. He' d al r eady got t en me r egi s t er ed f or hi gh
s c hool and was goi ng t o hel p me get a c ar .
But i t was s ur e t o be awk war d wi t h Char l i e. Nei t her of us was what any one
woul d c al l v er bos e, and I di dn' t k now what t her e was t o s ay r egar dl es s . I
k new he was mor e t han a l i t t l e c onf us ed by my dec i s i on — l i k e my mot her
bef or e me, I hadn' t made a s ec r et of my di s t as t e f or For k s .
When I l anded i n Por t Angel es , i t was r ai ni ng. I di dn' t s ee i t as an omen
— j us t unav oi dabl e. I ' d al r eady sai d my goodby es t o t he s un.
Char l i e was wai t i ng f or me wi t h t he c r ui s er . Thi s I was ex pec t i ng, t oo.
Char l i e i s Pol i c e Chi ef Swan t o t he good peopl e of For k s . My pr i mar y
mot i v at i on behi nd buy i ng a c ar , des pi t e t he s c ar c i t y of my f unds , was
t hat I r ef us ed t o be dr i v en ar ound t own i n a c ar wi t h r ed and bl ue l i ght s
on t op. Not hi ng s l ows down t r af f i c l i k e a c op.
Char l i e gav e me an awk war d, one- ar med hug when I s t umbl ed my way of f t he
pl ane.
" I t ' s good t o s ee y ou, Bel l s , " he s ai d, s mi l i ng as he aut omat i c al l y
c aught and s t eadi ed me. " You hav en' t c hanged muc h. How' s Renée?"
" Mom' s f i ne. I t ' s good t o s ee y ou, t oo, Dad. " I was n' t al l owed t o c al l
hi m Char l i e t o hi s f ac e.
I had onl y a f ew bags . Mos t of my Ar i z ona c l ot hes wer e t oo per meabl e f or
Was hi ngt on. My mom and I had pool ed our r es our c es t o s uppl ement my wi nt er
war dr obe, but i t was s t i l l s c ant y. I t al l f i t eas i l y i nt o t he t r unk of
t he c r ui s er .
" I f ound a good c ar f or y ou, r eal l y c heap, " he announc ed when we wer e
s t r apped i n.
" What k i nd of c ar ?" I was s us pi c i ous of t he way he s ai d " good c ar f or
y ou" as oppos ed t o j us t " good c ar . "
" Wel l , i t ' s a t r uc k ac t ual l y , a Chev y . "
" Wher e di d y ou f i nd i t ?"
" Do y ou r emember Bi l l y Bl ac k down at La Pus h?" La Pus h i s t he t i ny I ndi an
r es er v at i on on t he c oas t .
" No. "
" He us ed t o go f i s hi ng wi t h us dur i ng t he s ummer , " Char l i e pr ompt ed.
That woul d ex pl ai n why I di dn' t r emember hi m. I do a good j ob of bl oc k i ng
pai nf ul , unnec es s ar y t hi ngs f r om my memor y .
" He' s i n a wheel c hai r now, " Char l i e c ont i nued when I di dn' t r es pond, " s o
he c an' t dr i v e any mor e, and he of f er ed t o s el l me hi s t r uc k c heap. "
" What y ear i s i t ?" I c oul d s ee f r om hi s c hange of ex pr es s i on t hat t hi s
was t he ques t i on he was hopi ng I woul dn' t as k .
" Wel l , Bi l l y ' s done a l ot of wor k on t he engi ne — i t ' s onl y a f ew y ear s
ol d, r eal l y . "
I hoped he di dn' t t hi nk s o l i t t l e of me as t o bel i ev e I woul d gi v e up
t hat eas i l y . " When di d he buy i t ?"
" He bought i t i n 1984, I t hi nk . "
" Di d he buy i t new?"
" Wel l , no. I t hi nk i t was new i n t he ear l y s i x t i es — or l at e f i f t i es at
t he ear l i es t , " he admi t t ed s heepi s hl y .
" Ch — Dad, I don' t r eal l y k now any t hi ng about c ar s . I woul dn' t be abl e t o
f i x i t i f any t hi ng went wr ong, and I c oul dn' t af f or d a mec hani c …"
" Real l y , Bel l a, t he t hi ng r uns gr eat . They don' t bui l d t hem l i k e t hat
any mor e. "
The t hi ng, I t hought t o my s el f … i t had pos s i bi l i t i es — as a ni c k name, at
t he v er y l eas t .
" How c heap i s c heap?" Af t er al l , t hat was t he par t I c oul dn' t c ompr omi s e
on.
" Wel l , honey , I k i nd of al r eady bought i t f or y ou. As a homec omi ng gi f t . "
Char l i e peek ed s i deway s at me wi t h a hopef ul ex pr es s i on.
Wow. Fr ee.
" You di dn' t need t o do t hat , Dad. I was goi ng t o buy my s el f a c ar . "
" I don' t mi nd. I want y ou t o be happy her e. " He was l ook i ng ahead at t he
r oad when he s ai d t hi s . Char l i e was n' t c omf or t abl e wi t h ex pr es s i ng hi s
emot i ons out l oud. I i nher i t ed t hat f r om hi m. So I was l ook i ng s t r ai ght
ahead as I r es ponded.
" That ' s r eal l y ni c e, Dad. Thank s . I r eal l y appr ec i at e i t . " No need t o add
t hat my bei ng happy i n For k s i s an i mpos s i bi l i t y . He di dn' t need t o
s uf f er al ong wi t h me. And I nev er l ook ed a f r ee t r uc k i n t he mout h — or
engi ne.
" Wel l , now, y ou' r e wel c ome, " he mumbl ed, embar r as s ed by my t hank s .
We ex c hanged a f ew mor e c omment s on t he weat her , whi c h was wet , and t hat
was pr et t y muc h i t f or Conv er s at i on. We s t ar ed out t he wi ndows i n s i l enc e.
I t was beaut i f ul , of c our s e; I c oul dn' t deny t hat . Ev er y t hi ng was gr een:
t he t r ees , t hei r t r unk s c ov er ed wi t h mos s , t hei r br anc hes hangi ng wi t h a
c anopy of i t , t he gr ound c ov er ed wi t h f er ns . Ev en t he ai r f i l t er ed down
gr eenl y t hr ough t he l eav es .
I t was t oo gr een — an al i en pl anet .
Ev ent ual l y we made i t t o Char l i e' s . He s t i l l l i v ed i n t he s mal l ,
t wo- bedr oom hous e t hat he' d bought wi t h my mot her i n t he ear l y days of
t hei r mar r i age. Thos e wer e t he onl y k i nd of day s t hei r mar r i age had — t he
ear l y ones . Ther e, par k ed on t he s t r eet i n f r ont of t he hous e t hat nev er
c hanged, was my new — wel l , new t o me — t r uc k . I t was a f aded r ed c ol or ,
wi t h bi g, r ounded f ender s and a bul bous c ab. To my i nt ens e s ur pr i se, I
l ov ed i t . I di dn' t k now i f i t woul d r un, but I c oul d s ee my s el f i n i t .
Pl us , i t was one of t hos e s ol i d i r on af f ai r s t hat nev er get s damaged —
t he k i nd y ou s ee at t he s c ene of an ac c i dent , pai nt uns c r at c hed,
s ur r ounded by t he pi ec es of t he f or ei gn c ar i t had des t r oy ed.
" Wow, Dad, I l ov e i t ! Thank s ! " Now my hor r i f i c day t omor r ow woul d be j us t
t hat muc h l es s dr eadf ul . I woul dn' t be f ac ed wi t h t he c hoi c e of ei t her
wal k i ng t wo mi l es i n t he r ai n t o s c hool or ac c ept i ng a r i de i n t he
Chi ef ' s c r ui s er .
" I ' m gl ad y ou l i k e i t , " Char l i e sai d gr uf f l y , embar r as s ed agai n.
I t t ook onl y one t r i p t o get al l my s t uf f ups t ai r s . I got t he wes t
bedr oom t hat f ac ed out ov er t he f r ont y ar d. The r oom was f ami l i ar ; i t had
been bel onged t o me s i nc e I was bor n. The wooden f l oor , t he l i ght bl ue
wal l s , t he peak ed c ei l i ng, t he y el l owed l ac e c ur t ai ns ar ound t he wi ndow —
t hes e wer e al l a par t of my c hi l dhood. The onl y c hanges Char l i e had ev er
made wer e s wi t c hi ng t he c r i b f or a bed and addi ng a des k as I gr ew. The
des k now hel d a s ec ondhand c omput er , wi t h t he phone l i ne f or t he modem
s t apl ed al ong t he f l oor t o t he near es t phone j ac k . Thi s was a s t i pul at i on
f r om my mot her , s o t hat we c oul d s t ay i n t ouc h eas i l y . The r oc k i ng c hai r
f r om my baby day s was s t i l l i n t he c or ner .
Ther e was onl y one s mal l bat hr oom at t he t op of t he s t ai r s , whi c h I woul d
hav e t o s har e wi t h Char l i e. I was t r y i ng not t o dwel l t oo muc h on t hat
f ac t .
One of t he bes t t hi ngs about Char l i e i s he does n' t hov er . He l ef t me
al one t o unpac k and get s et t l ed, a f eat t hat woul d hav e been al t oget her
i mpos s i bl e f or my mot her . I t was ni c e t o be al one, not t o hav e t o s mi l e
and l ook pl eas ed; a r el i ef t o s t ar e dej ec t edl y out t he wi ndow at t he
s heet i ng r ai n and l et j us t a f ew t ear s es c ape. I was n' t i n t he mood t o go
on a r eal c r y i ng j ag. I woul d s ave t hat f or bedt i me, when I woul d hav e t o
t hi nk about t he c omi ng mor ni ng.
For k s Hi gh Sc hool had a f r i ght eni ng t ot al of onl y t hr ee hundr ed and
f i f t y - s ev en — now fift y - ei ght — st udent s ; t her e wer e mor e t han s even
hundr ed peopl e i n my j uni or c l as s al one bac k home. Al l of t he k i ds her e
had gr own up t oget her — t hei r gr andpar ent s had been t oddl er s t oget her .
I woul d be t he new gi r l f r om t he bi g c i t y , a c ur i os i t y , a f r eak .
May be, i f I l ook ed l i k e a gi r l f r om Phoeni x s houl d, I c oul d wor k t hi s t o
my adv ant age. But phy s i c al l y , I ' d nev er f i t i n any wher e. I s houl d be t an,
s por t y , bl ond — a v ol l ey bal l pl ayer , or a c heer l eader , per haps — al l t he
t hi ngs t hat go wi t h l i v i ng i n t he v al l ey of t he s un.
I ns t ead, I was i v or y - s k i nned, wi t hout ev en t he ex c us e of bl ue ey es or r ed
hai r , des pi t e t he c ons t ant s uns hi ne. I had al way s been s l ender , but s of t
s omehow, obv i ous l y not an at hl et e; I di dn' t hav e t he nec es s ar y hand- ey e
c oor di nat i on t o pl ay s por t s wi t hout humi l i at i ng my s el f — and har mi ng bot h
my s el f and any one el s e who s t ood t oo c l os e.
When I f i ni s hed put t i ng my c l ot hes i n t he ol d pi ne dr es s er , I t ook my bag
of bat hr oom nec es s i t i es and went t o t he c ommunal bat hr oom t o c l ean my s el f
up af t er t he day of t r av el . I l ook ed at my f ac e i n t he mi r r or as I
br us hed t hr ough my t angl ed, damp hai r . May be i t was t he l i ght , but
al r eady I l ook ed s al l ower , unheal t hy . My s k i n c oul d be pr et t y — i t was
v er y c l ear , al mos t t r ans l uc ent - l ook i ng — but i t al l depended on c ol or . I
had no c ol or her e.
Fac i ng my pal l i d r ef l ec t i on i n t he mi r r or , I was f or c ed t o admi t t hat I
was l y i ng t o my s el f . I t was n' t j us t phy s i c al l y t hat I ' d nev er f i t i n. And
i f I c oul dn' t f i nd a ni c he i n a sc hool wi t h t hr ee t hous and peopl e, what
wer e my c hanc es her e?
I di dn' t r el at e wel l t o peopl e my age. May be t he t r ut h was t hat I di dn' t
r el at e wel l t o peopl e, per i od. Even my mot her , who I was c l os er t o t han
any one el s e on t he pl anet , was nev er i n har mony wi t h me, nev er on ex ac t l y
t he s ame page. Somet i mes I wonder ed i f I was s eei ng t he s ame t hi ngs
t hr ough my ey es t hat t he r es t of t he wor l d was s eei ng t hr ough t hei r s .
May be t her e was a gl i t c h i n my br ai n. But t he c aus e di dn' t mat t er . Al l
t hat mat t er ed was t he ef f ec t . And t omor r ow woul d be j us t t he begi nni ng.

I di dn' t s l eep wel l t hat ni ght , ev en af t er I was done c r y i ng. The

c ons t ant whoos hi ng of t he r ai n and wi nd ac r os s t he r oof woul dn' t f ade
i nt o t he bac k gr ound. I pul l ed t he f aded ol d qui l t ov er my head, and l at er
added t he pi l l ow, t oo. But I c oul dn' t f al l as l eep unt i l af t er mi dni ght ,
when t he r ai n f i nal l y s et t l ed i nt o a qui et er dr i z z l e.
Thi c k f og was al l I c oul d s ee out my wi ndow i n t he mor ni ng, and I c oul d
f eel t he c l aus t r ophobi a c r eepi ng up on me. You c oul d nev er s ee t he s k y
her e; i t was l i k e a c age.
Br eak f as t wi t h Char l i e was a qui et ev ent . He wi s hed me good l uc k at
s c hool . I t hank ed hi m, k nowi ng hi s hope was was t ed. Good l uc k t ended t o
av oi d me. Char l i e l ef t f i r s t , of f t o t he pol i c e s t at i on t hat was hi s wi f e
and f ami l y . Af t er he l ef t , I s at at t he ol d s quar e oak t abl e i n one of
t he t hr ee unmat c hi ng c hai r s and ex ami ned hi s s mal l k i t c hen, wi t h i t s dar k
panel ed wal l s , br i ght y el l ow c abi net s , and whi t e l i nol eum f l oor . Not hi ng
was c hanged. My mot her had pai nt ed t he c abi net s ei ght een y ear s ago i n an
at t empt t o br i ng s ome s uns hi ne i nt o t he hous e. Ov er t he s mal l f i r epl ac e
i n t he adj oi ni ng handk er c hi ef - s i zed f ami l y r oom was a r ow of pi c t ur es .
Fi r s t a weddi ng pi c t ur e of Char l i e and my mom i n Las Vegas , t hen one of
t he t hr ee of us i n t he hos pi t al af t er I was bor n, t ak en by a hel pf ul
nur s e, f ol l owed by t he pr oc es s i on of my s c hool pi c t ur es up t o l as t
y ear ' s . Thos e wer e embar r as s i ng t o l ook at — I woul d hav e t o s ee what I
c oul d do t o get Char l i e t o put t hem s omewher e el s e, at l eas t whi l e I was
l i v i ng her e.
I t was i mpos s i bl e, bei ng i n t hi s hous e, not t o r eal i z e t hat Char l i e had
nev er got t en ov er my mom. I t made me unc omf or t abl e.
I di dn' t want t o be t oo ear l y t o s c hool , but I c oul dn' t s t ay i n t he hous e
any mor e. I donned my j ac k et — whi c h had t he f eel of a bi ohaz ar d s ui t —
and headed out i nt o t he r ai n.
I t was j us t dr i z z l i ng s t i l l , not enough t o s oak me t hr ough i mmedi at el y as
I r eac hed f or t he hous e k ey t hat was al way s hi dden under t he eav es by t he
door , and l oc k ed up. The s l os hi ng of my new wat er pr oof boot s was
unner v i ng. I mi s s ed t he nor mal c r unc h of gr av el as I wal k ed. I c oul dn' t
paus e and admi r e my t r uc k agai n as I want ed; I was i n a hur r y t o get out
of t he mi s t y wet t hat s wi r l ed ar ound my head and c l ung t o my hai r under
my hood.
I ns i de t he t r uc k , i t was ni c e and dr y . Ei t her Bi l l y or Char l i e had
obv i ous l y c l eaned i t up, but t he t an uphol s t er ed s eat s s t i l l s mel l ed
f ai nt l y of t obac c o, gas ol i ne, and pepper mi nt . The engi ne s t ar t ed qui c k l y ,
t o my r el i ef , but l oudl y , r oar i ng t o l i f e and t hen i dl i ng at t op vol ume.
Wel l , a t r uc k t hi s ol d was bound t o hav e a f l aw. The ant i que r adi o
wor k ed, a pl us t hat I hadn' t ex pec t ed.
Fi ndi ng t he s c hool was n' t di f f i c ul t , t hough I ' d nev er been t her e bef or e.
The s c hool was , l i k e mos t ot her t hi ngs , j us t of f t he hi ghway . I t was not
obv i ous t hat i t was a s c hool ; onl y t he s i gn, whi c h dec l ar ed i t t o be t he
For k s Hi gh Sc hool , made me s t op. I t l ook ed l i k e a c ol l ec t i on of mat c hi ng
hous es , bui l t wi t h mar oon- c ol or ed br i c k s . Ther e wer e s o many t r ees and
s hr ubs I c oul dn' t s ee i t s s i z e at f i r s t . Wher e was t he f eel of t he
i ns t i t ut i on? I wonder ed nos t al gi cal l y . Wher e wer e t he c hai n- l i nk f enc es ,
t he met al det ec t or s ?
I par k ed i n f r ont of t he f i r s t bui l di ng, whi c h had a s mal l s i gn over t he
door r eadi ng f r ont of f i c e. No one el s e was par k ed t her e, s o I was s ur e i t
was of f l i mi t s , but I dec i ded I woul d get di r ec t i ons i ns i de i ns t ead of
c i r c l i ng ar ound i n t he r ai n l i k e an i di ot . I s t epped unwi l l i ngl y out of
t he t oas t y t r uc k c ab and wal k ed down a l i t t l e s t one pat h l i ned wi t h dar k
hedges . I t ook a deep br eat h bef or e openi ng t he door .
I ns i de, i t was br i ght l y l i t , and war mer t han I ' d hoped. The of f i c e was
s mal l ; a l i t t l e wai t i ng ar ea wi t h padded f ol di ng c hai r s , or ange- f l ec k ed
c ommer c i al c ar pet , not i c es and awar ds c l ut t er i ng t he wal l s , a bi g c l oc k
t i c k i ng l oudl y . Pl ant s gr ew ev er ywher e i n l ar ge pl as t i c pot s , as i f t her e
was n' t enough gr eener y out s i de. The r oom was c ut i n hal f by a l ong
c ount er , c l ut t er ed wi t h wi r e bas ket s f ul l of paper s and br i ght l y col or ed
f l y er s t aped t o i t s f r ont . Ther e wer e t hr ee des k s behi nd t he c ount er , one
of whi c h was manned by a l ar ge, r ed- hai r ed woman wear i ng gl as s es . She was
wear i ng a pur pl e t - s hi r t , whi c h i mmedi at el y made me f eel ov er dr es sed.
The r ed- hai r ed woman l ook ed up. " Can I hel p y ou?"
" I ' m I s abel l a Swan, " I i nf or med her , and s aw t he i mmedi at e awar enes s
l i ght her ey es . I was ex pec t ed, a t opi c of gos s i p no doubt . Daught er of
t he Chi ef ' s f l i ght y ex - wi f e, c ome home at l as t .
" Of c our s e, " s he s ai d. She dug t hr ough a pr ec ar i ous l y s t ac k ed pi l e of
doc ument s on her des k t i l l s he f ound t he ones s he was l ook i ng f or . " I
hav e y our s c hedul e r i ght her e, and a map of t he s c hool . " She br ought
s ev er al s heet s t o t he c ount er t o s how r oe.
She went t hr ough my c l as s es f or me, hi ghl i ght i ng t he bes t r out e t o eac h
on t he map, and gav e me a s l i p t o hav e eac h t eac her s i gn, whi c h I was t o
br i ng bac k at t he end of t he day . She s mi l ed at me and hoped, l i k e
Char l i e, t hat I woul d l i k e i t her e i n For k s . I s mi l ed bac k as
c onv i nc i ngl y as I c oul d.
When I went bac k out t o my t r uc k , ot her s t udent s wer e s t ar t i ng t o ar r i v e.
I dr ov e ar ound t he s c hool , f ol l owi ng t he l i ne of t r af f i c . I was gl ad t o
s ee t hat mos t of t he c ar s wer e ol der l i k e mi ne, not hi ng f l as hy . At home
I ' d l i v ed i n one of t he f ew l ower - i nc ome nei ghbor hoods t hat wer e i nc l uded
i n t he Par adi s e Val l ey Di s t r i c t . I t was a c ommon t hi ng t o s ee a new
Mer c edes or Por s c he i n t he s t udent l ot . The ni c es t c ar her e was a s hi ny
Vol v o, and i t s t ood out . St i l l , I c ut t he engi ne as s oon as I was i n a
s pot , s o t hat t he t hunder ous v ol ume woul dn' t dr aw at t ent i on t o me.
I l ook ed at t he map i n t he t r uc k , t r y i ng t o memor i z e i t now; hopef ul l y I
woul dn' t hav e t o wal k ar ound wi t h i t s t uc k i n f r ont of my nos e al l day . I
s t uf f ed ev er y t hi ng i n my bag, s l ung t he s t r ap ov er my s houl der , and
s uc k ed i n a huge br eat h. I c an do t hi s , I l i ed t o my s el f f eebl y . No one
was goi ng t o bi t e me. I f i nal l y ex hal ed and s t epped out of t he t r uc k .
I k ept my f ac e pul l ed bac k i nt o my hood as I wal k ed t o t he s i dewal k ,
c r owded wi t h t eenager s . My pl ai n bl ac k j ac k et di dn' t s t and out , I not i c ed
wi t h r el i ef .
Onc e I got ar ound t he c af et er i a, bui l di ng t hr ee was eas y t o s pot . A l ar ge
bl ac k " 3" was pai nt ed on a whi t e s quar e on t he eas t c or ner . I f el t my
br eat hi ng gr adual l y c r eepi ng t owar d hy per v ent i l at i on as I appr oac hed t he
door . I t r i ed hol di ng my br eat h as I f ol l owed t wo uni s ex r ai nc oat s
t hr ough t he door .
The c l as s r oom was s mal l . The peopl e i n f r ont of me s t opped j us t i ns i de
t he door t o hang up t hei r c oat s on a l ong r ow of hook s . I c opi ed t hem.
They wer e t wo gi r l s , one a por c el ai n- c ol or ed bl onde, t he ot her al so pal e,
wi t h l i ght br own hai r . At l eas t my s k i n woul dn' t be a s t andout her e.
I t ook t he s l i p up t o t he t eac her , a t al l , bal di ng man whos e des k had a
namepl at e i dent i f y i ng hi m as Mr . Mas on. He gawk ed at me when he s aw my
name — not an enc our agi ng r es ponse — and of c our s e I f l us hed t omat o r ed.
But at l eas t he s ent me t o an empt y des k at t he bac k wi t hout i nt r oduc i ng
me t o t he c l as s . I t was har der f or my new c l as s mat es t o s t ar e at me i n
t he bac k , but s omehow, t hey managed. I k ept my ey es down on t he r eadi ng
l i s t t he t eac her had gi v en me. I t was f ai r l y bas i c : Br ont e, Shak espear e,
Chauc er , Faul k ner . I ' d al r eady r ead ev er y t hi ng. That was c omf or t i ng… and
bor i ng. I wonder ed i f my mom woul d s end me my f ol der of ol d es s ay s, or i f
s he woul d t hi nk t hat was c heat i ng. I went t hr ough di f f er ent ar gument s
wi t h her i n my head whi l e t he t eac her dr oned on.
When t he bel l r ang, a nas al buz z i ng s ound, a gangl y boy wi t h s k i n
pr obl ems and hai r bl ac k as an oi l s l i c k l eaned ac r os s t he ai s l e t o t al k
t o me.
" You' r e I s abel l a Swan, ar en' t y ou?" He l ook ed l i k e t he ov er l y hel pf ul ,
c hes s c l ub t y pe.
" Bel l a, " I c or r ec t ed. Ev er y one wi t hi n a t hr ee- s eat r adi us t ur ned t o l ook
at me.
" Wher e' s y our nex t c l as s ?" he as ked.
I had t o c hec k i n my bag. " Um, Gov er nment , wi t h J ef f er s on, i n bui l di ng
si x. "
Ther e was nowher e t o l ook wi t hout meet i ng c ur i ous ey es .
" I ' m headed t owar d bui l di ng f our , I c oul d s how y ou t he way …" Def i ni t el y
ov er - hel pf ul . " I ' m Er i c , " he added.
I s mi l ed t ent at i v el y . " Thank s . "
We got our j ac k et s and headed out i nt o t he r ai n, whi c h had pi c k ed up. I
c oul d hav e s wor n s ev er al peopl e behi nd us wer e wal k i ng c l os e enough t o
eav es dr op. I hoped I was n' t get t i ng par anoi d.
" So, t hi s i s a l ot di f f er ent t han Phoeni x , huh?" he as k ed.
" Ver y . "
" I t does n' t r ai n muc h t her e, does i t ?"
" Thr ee or f our t i mes a y ear . "
" Wow, what mus t t hat be l i k e?" he wonder ed.
" Sunny , " I t ol d hi m.
" You don' t l ook v er y t an. "
" My mot her i s par t al bi no. "
He s t udi ed my f ac e appr ehens i v el y, and I s i ghed. I t l ook ed l i k e c l ouds
and a s ens e of humor di dn' t mi x . A f ew mont hs of t hi s and I ' d f or get how
t o us e s ar c as m.
We wal k ed bac k ar ound t he c af et er i a, t o t he s out h bui l di ngs by t he gy m.
Er i c wal k ed me r i ght t o t he door , t hough i t was c l ear l y mar k ed.
" Wel l , good l uc k , " he s ai d as I t ouc hed t he handl e. " May be we' l l hav e
s ome ot her c l as s es t oget her . " He s ounded hopef ul .
I s mi l ed at hi m v aguel y and went i ns i de.
The r es t of t he mor ni ng pas s ed i n about t he s ame f as hi on. My Tr i gonomet r y
t eac her , Mr . Var ner , who I woul d hav e hat ed any way j us t bec aus e of t he
s ubj ec t he t aught , was t he onl y one who made me s t and i n f r ont of t he
c l as s and i nt r oduc e my s el f . I s t ammer ed, bl us hed, and t r i pped ov er my own
boot s on t he way t o my s eat .
Af t er t wo c l as s es , I s t ar t ed t o r ec ogni z e s ev er al of t he f ac es i n eac h
c l as s . Ther e was al way s s omeone br av er t han t he ot her s who woul d
i nt r oduc e t hems el v es and as k me ques t i ons about how I was l i k i ng For k s . I
t r i ed t o be di pl omat i c , but mos t l y I j us t l i ed a l ot . At l eas t I nev er
needed t he map.
One gi r l s at nex t t o me i n bot h Tr i g and Spani s h, and s he wal k ed wi t h me
t o t he c af et er i a f or l unc h. She was t i ny , s ev er al i nc hes s hor t er t han my
f i v e f eet f our i nc hes , but her wi l dl y c ur l y dar k hai r made up a l ot of
t he di f f er enc e bet ween our hei ght s . I c oul dn' t r emember her name, s o I
s mi l ed and nodded as s he pr at t l ed about t eac her s and c l as s es . I di dn' t
t r y t o k eep up.
We s at at t he end of a f ul l t abl e wi t h s ev er al of her f r i ends , who s he
i nt r oduc ed t o me. I f or got al l t hei r names as s oon as s he s pok e t hem.
They s eemed i mpr es s ed by her br aver y i n s peak i ng t o me. The boy f r om
Engl i s h, Er i c , wav ed at me f r om ac r os s t he r oom.
I t was t her e, s i t t i ng i n t he l unchr oom, t r y i ng t o mak e c onv er s at i on wi t h
s ev en c ur i ous s t r anger s , t hat I f i r s t s aw t hem.
They wer e s i t t i ng i n t he c or ner of t he c af et er i a, as f ar away f r om wher e
I s at as pos s i bl e i n t he l ong r oom. Ther e wer e f i v e of t hem. They wer en' t
t al k i ng, and t hey wer en' t eat i ng, t hough t hey eac h had a t r ay of
unt ouc hed f ood i n f r ont of t hem. They wer en' t gawk i ng at me, unl i ke mos t
of t he ot her s t udent s , s o i t was s af e t o s t ar e at t hem wi t hout f ear of
meet i ng an ex c es s i v el y i nt er es t ed pai r of ey es . But i t was none of t hes e
t hi ngs t hat c aught , and hel d, my at t ent i on.
They di dn' t l ook any t hi ng al i k e. Of t he t hr ee boy s , one was bi g — mus c l ed
l i ke a s er i ous wei ght l i f t er , wi t h dar k , c ur l y hai r . Anot her was t al l er ,
l eaner , but s t i l l mus c ul ar , and honey bl ond. The l as t was l ank y , l es s
bul k y , wi t h unt i dy , br onz e- c ol or ed hai r . He was mor e boy i s h t han t he
ot her s , who l ook ed l i k e t hey c oul d be i n c ol l ege, or ev en t eac her s her e
r at her t han s t udent s .
The gi r l s wer e oppos i t es . The t al l one was s t at ues que. She had a
beaut i f ul f i gur e, t he k i nd y ou s aw on t he c ov er of t he Spor t s I l l us t r at ed
s wi ms ui t i s s ue, t he k i nd t hat made ev er y gi r l ar ound her t ak e a hi t on
her s el f - es t eem j us t by bei ng i n t he s ame r oom. Her hai r was gol den,
gent l y wav i ng t o t he mi ddl e of her bac k . The s hor t gi r l was pi x i el i k e,
t hi n i n t he ex t r eme, wi t h s mal l f eat ur es . Her hai r was a deep bl ack ,
c r opped s hor t and poi nt i ng i n ev er y di r ec t i on.
And y et , t hey wer e al l ex ac t l y al i k e. Ev er y one of t hem was c hal k y pal e,
t he pal es t of al l t he s t udent s l i v i ng i n t hi s s unl es s t own. Pal er t han
me, t he al bi no. They al l had v er y dar k ey es des pi t e t he r ange i n hai r
t ones . They al s o had dar k s hadows under t hos e ey es — pur pl i s h, br ui s el i k e
s hadows . As i f t hey wer e al l s uf f er i ng f r om a s l eepl es s ni ght , or al mos t
done r ec ov er i ng f r om a br ok en nose. Though t hei r nos es , al l t hei r
f eat ur es , wer e s t r ai ght , per f ec t , angul ar .
But al l t hi s i s not why I c oul dn' t l ook away .
I s t ar ed bec aus e t hei r f ac es , s o di f f er ent , s o s i mi l ar , wer e al l
dev as t at i ngl y , i nhumanl y beaut i f ul . They wer e f ac es y ou nev er ex pec t ed t o
s ee ex c ept per haps on t he ai r br ushed pages of a f as hi on magaz i ne. Or
pai nt ed by an ol d mas t er as t he f ac e of an angel . I t was har d t o dec i de
who was t he mos t beaut i f ul — may be t he per f ec t bl ond gi r l , or t he
br onz e- hai r ed boy .
They wer e al l l ook i ng away — away f r om eac h ot her , away f r om t he ot her
s t udent s , away f r om any t hi ng i n par t i c ul ar as f ar as I c oul d t el l . As I
wat c hed, t he s mal l gi r l r os e wi t h her t r ay — unopened s oda, unbi t t en
appl e — and wal k ed away wi t h a qui c k , gr ac ef ul l ope t hat bel onged on a
r unway . I wat c hed, amaz ed at her l i t he danc er ' s s t ep, t i l l s he dumped her
t r ay and gl i ded t hr ough t he bac k door , f as t er t han I woul d hav e t hought
pos s i bl e. My ey es dar t ed bac k t o t he ot her s , who s at unc hangi ng.
" Who ar e t hey ?" I as k ed t he gi r l f r om my Spani s h c l as s , whos e name I ' d
f or got t en.
As s he l ook ed up t o s ee who I meant — t hough al r eady k nowi ng, pr obabl y ,
f r om my t one — s uddenl y he l ook ed at her , t he t hi nner one, t he boyi s h
one, t he y ounges t , per haps . He l ook ed at my nei ghbor f or j us t a f r ac t i on
of a s ec ond, and t hen hi s dar k eyes f l i c k er ed t o mi ne.
He l ook ed away qui c k l y , mor e qui ck l y t han I c oul d, t hough i n a f l us h of
embar r as s ment I dr opped my ey es at onc e. I n t hat br i ef f l as h of a gl anc e,
hi s f ac e hel d not hi ng of i nt er es t — i t was as i f s he had c al l ed hi s name,
and he' d l ook ed up i n i nv ol unt ar y r es pons e, al r eady hav i ng dec i ded not t o
ans wer .
My nei ghbor gi ggl ed i n embar r as s ment , l ook i ng at t he t abl e l i k e I di d.
" That ' s Edwar d and Emmet t Cul l en, and Ros al i e and J as per Hal e. The one
who l ef t was Al i c e Cul l en; t hey al l l i v e t oget her wi t h Dr . Cul l en and hi s
wi f e. " She s ai d t hi s under her br eat h.
I gl anc ed s i deway s at t he beaut i f ul boy , who was l ook i ng at hi s t r ay now,
pi c k i ng a bagel t o pi ec es wi t h l ong, pal e f i nger s . Hi s mout h was mov i ng
v er y qui c k l y , hi s per f ec t l i ps bar el y openi ng. The ot her t hr ee s t i l l
l ook ed away , and y et I f el t he was s peak i ng qui et l y t o t hem.
St r ange, unpopul ar names , I t hought . The k i nds of names gr andpar ent s had.
But may be t hat was i n v ogue her e — s mal l t own names ? I f i nal l y r emember ed
t hat my nei ghbor was c al l ed J es s i c a, a per f ec t l y c ommon name. Ther e wer e
t wo gi r l s named J es s i c a i n my Hi st or y c l as s bac k home.
" They ar e… v er y ni c e- l ook i ng. " I s t r uggl ed wi t h t he c ons pi c uous
under s t at ement .
" Yes ! " J es s i c a agr eed wi t h anot her gi ggl e. " They ' r e al l t oget her t hough —
Emmet t and Ros al i e, and J as per and Al i c e, I mean. And t hey l i v e
t oget her . " Her v oi c e hel d al l t he s hoc k and c ondemnat i on of t he s mal l
t own, I t hought c r i t i c al l y . But , i f I was bei ng hones t , I had t o admi t
t hat ev en i n Phoeni x , i t woul d c aus e gos s i p.
" Whi c h ones ar e t he Cul l ens ?" I as k ed. " They don' t l ook r el at ed…"
" Oh, t hey ' r e not . Dr . Cul l en i s r eal l y y oung, i n hi s t went i es or ear l y
t hi r t i es . They ' r e al l adopt ed. The Hal es ar e br ot her and s i s t er , t wi ns —
t he bl ondes — and t hey ' r e f os t er c hi l dr en. "
" They l ook a l i t t l e ol d f or f os t er c hi l dr en. "
" They ar e now, J as per and Ros al i e ar e bot h ei ght een, but t hey ' v e been
wi t h Mr s . Cul l en s i nc e t hey wer e ei ght . She' s t hei r aunt or s omet hi ng
l i k e t hat . "
" That ' s r eal l y k i nd of ni c e — f or t hem t o t ak e c ar e of al l t hos e ki ds
l i k e t hat , when t hey ' r e s o y oung and ev er y t hi ng. "
" I gues s s o, " J es s i c a admi t t ed r el uc t ant l y , and I got t he i mpr es s i on t hat
s he di dn' t l i k e t he doc t or and hi s wi f e f or s ome r eas on. Wi t h t he gl anc es
s he was t hr owi ng at t hei r adopt ed c hi l dr en, I woul d pr es ume t he r eas on
was j eal ous y . " I t hi nk t hat Mr s . Cul l en c an' t hav e any k i ds , t hough, " s he
added, as i f t hat l es s ened t hei r k i ndnes s .
Thr oughout al l t hi s c onv er s at i on, my ey es f l i c k er ed agai n and agai n t o
t he t abl e wher e t he s t r ange f ami l y s at . They c ont i nued t o l ook at t he
wal l s and not eat .
" Hav e t hey al way s l i v ed i n For k s ?" I as k ed. Sur el y I woul d hav e not i c ed
t hem on one of my s ummer s her e.
" No, " s he s ai d i n a v oi c e t hat i mpl i ed i t s houl d be obv i ous , ev en t o a
new ar r i v al l i k e me. " They j us t mov ed down t wo y ear s ago f r om s omewher e
i n Al as k a. "
I f el t a s ur ge of pi t y , and r el i ef . Pi t y bec aus e, as beaut i f ul as t hey
wer e, t hey wer e out s i der s , c l ear l y not ac c ept ed. Rel i ef t hat I wasn' t t he
onl y newc omer her e, and c er t ai nl y not t he mos t i nt er es t i ng by any
s t andar d.
As I ex ami ned t hem, t he y ounges t , one of t he Cul l ens , l ook ed up and met
my gaz e, t hi s t i me wi t h ev i dent cur i os i t y i n hi s ex pr es s i on. As I l ook ed
s wi f t l y away , i t s eemed t o me t hat hi s gl anc e hel d s ome k i nd of unmet
ex pec t at i on.
" Whi c h one i s t he boy wi t h t he r eddi s h br own hai r ?" I as k ed. I peek ed at
hi m f r om t he c or ner of my ey e, and he was s t i l l s t ar i ng at me, but not
gawk i ng l i k e t he ot her s t udent s had t oday — he had a s l i ght l y f r ust r at ed
ex pr es s i on. I l ook ed down agai n.
" That ' s Edwar d. He' s gor geous , of c our s e, but don' t was t e y our t i me. He
does n' t dat e. Appar ent l y none of t he gi r l s her e ar e good- l ook i ng enough
f or hi m. " She s ni f f ed, a c l ear c as e of s our gr apes . I wonder ed when he' d
t ur ned her down.
I bi t my l i p t o hi de my s mi l e. Then I gl anc ed at hi m agai n. Hi s f ac e was
t ur ned away , but I t hought hi s c heek appear ed l i f t ed, as i f he wer e
s mi l i ng, t oo.
Af t er a f ew mor e mi nut es , t he f our of t hem l ef t t he t abl e t oget her . They
al l wer e not i c eabl y gr ac ef ul — even t he bi g, br awny one. I t was
uns et t l i ng t o wat c h. The one named Edwar d di dn' t l ook at me agai n.
I s at at t he t abl e wi t h J es s i c a and her f r i ends l onger t han I woul d hav e
i f I' d been s i t t i ng al one. I was anx i ous not t o be l at e f or c l as s on my
f i r st day . One of my new ac quai nt anc es , who c ons i der at el y r emi nded me
t hat her name was Angel a, had Bi ol ogy I I wi t h me t he nex t hour . We wal k ed
t o cl as s t oget her i n s i l enc e. She was s hy , t oo.
When we ent er ed t he c l as s r oom, Angel a went t o s i t at a bl ac k - t opped l ab
t abl e ex ac t l y l i k e t he ones I was us ed t o. She al r eady had a nei ghbor . I n
f ac t , al l t he t abl es wer e f i l l ed but one. Nex t t o t he c ent er ai s l e, I
r ec ogni z ed Edwar d Cul l en by hi s unus ual hai r , s i t t i ng nex t t o t hat s i ngl e
open s eat .
As I wal k ed down t he ai s l e t o i nt r oduc e my s el f t o t he t eac her and get my
s l i p s i gned, I was wat c hi ng hi m sur r ept i t i ous l y . J us t as I pas s ed, he
s uddenl y went r i gi d i n hi s s eat . He s t ar ed at me agai n, meet i ng my ey es
wi t h t he s t r anges t ex pr es s i on on hi s f ac e — i t was hos t i l e, f ur i ous . I
l ook ed away qui c k l y , s hoc k ed, goi ng r ed agai n. I s t umbl ed ov er a book i n
t he wal k way and had t o c at c h my s el f on t he edge of a t abl e. The gi r l
s i t t i ng t her e gi ggl ed.
I ' d not i c ed t hat hi s ey es wer e bl ac k — c oal bl ac k .
Mr . Banner s i gned my s l i p and handed me a book wi t h no nons ens e about
i nt r oduc t i ons . I c oul d t el l we wer e goi ng t o get al ong. Of c our s e, he had
no c hoi c e but t o s end me t o t he one open s eat i n t he mi ddl e of t he r oom.
I k ept my ey es down as I went t o s i t by hi m, bewi l der ed by t he
ant agoni s t i c s t ar e he' d gi v en me.
I di dn' t l ook up as I s et my book on t he t abl e and t ook my s eat , but I
s aw hi s pos t ur e c hange f r om t he cor ner of my ey e. He was l eani ng away
f r om me, s i t t i ng on t he ex t r eme edge of hi s c hai r and av er t i ng hi s f ac e
l i k e he s mel l ed s omet hi ng bad. I nc ons pi c uous l y , I s ni f f ed my hai r . I t
s mel l ed l i k e s t r awber r i es , t he s cent of my f av or i t e s hampoo. I t s eemed an
i nnoc ent enough odor . I l et my hai r f al l ov er my r i ght s houl der , mak i ng a
dar k c ur t ai n bet ween us , and t r i ed t o pay at t ent i on t o t he t eac her .
Unf or t unat el y t he l ec t ur e was on c el l ul ar anat omy , s omet hi ng I ' d al r eady
s t udi ed. I t ook not es c ar ef ul l y any way , al way s l ook i ng down.
I c oul dn' t s t op my s el f f r om peek i ng oc c as i onal l y t hr ough t he s c r een of my
hai r at t he s t r ange boy nex t t o me. Dur i ng t he whol e c l as s , he never
r el ax ed hi s s t i f f pos i t i on on t he edge of hi s c hai r , s i t t i ng as f ar f r om
me as pos s i bl e. I c oul d s ee hi s hand on hi s l ef t l eg was c l enc hed i nt o a
f i s t , t endons s t andi ng out under hi s pal e s k i n. Thi s , t oo, he nev er
r el ax ed. He had t he l ong s l eev es of hi s whi t e s hi r t pus hed up t o hi s
el bows , and hi s f or ear m was s ur pr i s i ngl y har d and mus c ul ar beneat h hi s
l i ght s k i n. He was n' t near l y as sl i ght as he' d l ook ed nex t t o hi s bur l y
br ot her .
The c l as s s eemed t o dr ag on l onger t han t he ot her s . Was i t bec aus e t he
day was f i nal l y c omi ng t o a c l os e, or bec aus e I was wai t i ng f or hi s t i ght
f i s t t o l oos en? I t nev er di d; he c ont i nued t o s i t s o s t i l l i t l ooked l i k e
he was n' t br eat hi ng. What was wr ong wi t h hi m? Was t hi s hi s nor mal
behav i or ? I ques t i oned my j udgment on J es s i c a' s bi t t er nes s at l unch
t oday . May be s he was not as r es ent f ul as I ' d t hought .
I t c oul dn' t hav e any t hi ng t o do wi t h me. He di dn' t k now me f r om Eve.
I peek ed up at hi m one mor e t i me, and r egr et t ed i t . He was gl ar i ng down
at me agai n, hi s bl ac k ey es f ul l of r ev ul s i on. As I f l i nc hed away f r om
hi m, s hr i nk i ng agai ns t my c hai r , t he phr as e i f l ook s c oul d k i l l s uddenl y
r an t hr ough my mi nd.
At t hat moment , t he bel l r ang l oudl y , mak i ng me j ump, and Edwar d Cul l en
was out of hi s s eat . Fl ui dl y he r os e — he was muc h t al l er t han I ' d
t hought — hi s bac k t o me, and he was out t he door bef or e any one el s e was
out of t hei r s eat .
I s at f r oz en i n my s eat , s t ar i ng bl ank l y af t er hi m. He was s o mean. I t
was n' t f ai r . I began gat her i ng up my t hi ngs s l owl y , t r y i ng t o bl ock t he
anger t hat f i l l ed me, f or f ear my ey es woul d t ear up. For s ome r eas on, my
t emper was har dwi r ed t o my t ear duc t s . I us ual l y c r i ed when I was angr y ,
a humi l i at i ng t endenc y .
" Ar en' t y ou I s abel l a Swan?" a mal e v oi c e as k ed.
I l ook ed up t o s ee a c ut e, baby - f ac ed boy , hi s pal e bl ond hai r c ar ef ul l y
gel l ed i nt o or der l y s pi k es , s mi l i ng at me i n a f r i endl y way . He obv i ous l y
di dn' t t hi nk I s mel l ed bad.
" Bel l a, " I c or r ec t ed hi m, wi t h a s mi l e.
" I ' m Mi k e. "
" Hi , Mi k e. "
" Do y ou need any hel p f i ndi ng y our nex t c l as s ?"
" I ' m headed t o t he gy m, ac t ual l y . I t hi nk I c an f i nd i t . "
" That ' s my nex t c l as s , t oo. " He seemed t hr i l l ed, t hough i t was n' t t hat
bi g of a c oi nc i denc e i n a s c hool t hi s s mal l .
We wal k ed t o c l as s t oget her ; he was a c hat t er er — he s uppl i ed mos t of t he
c onv er s at i on, whi c h made i t eas y f or me. He' d l i v ed i n Cal i f or ni a t i l l he
was t en, s o he k new how I f el t about t he s un. I t t ur ned out he was i n my
Engl i s h c l as s al s o. He was t he ni c es t per s on I ' d met t oday .
But as we wer e ent er i ng t he gy m, he as k ed, " So, di d y ou s t ab Edwar d
Cul l en wi t h a penc i l or what ? I ' ve nev er s een hi m ac t l i k e t hat . "
I c r i nged. So I was n' t t he onl y one who had not i c ed. And, appar ent l y ,
t hat was n' t Edwar d Cul l en' s us ual behav i or . I dec i ded t o pl ay dumb.
" Was t hat t he boy I s at nex t t o i n Bi ol ogy ?" I as k ed ar t l es s l y .
" Yes , " he s ai d. " He l ook ed l i k e he was i n pai n or s omet hi ng. "
" I don' t k now, " I r es ponded. " I nev er s pok e t o hi m. "
" He' s a wei r d guy . " Mi k e l i nger ed by me i ns t ead of headi ng t o t he
dr es s i ng r oom. " I f I wer e l uc k y enough t o s i t by y ou, I woul d hav e t al k ed
t o y ou. "
I s mi l ed at hi m bef or e wal k i ng t hr ough t he gi r l s ' l oc k er r oom door . He
was f r i endl y and c l ear l y admi r i ng. But i t was n' t enough t o eas e my
i r r i t at i on.
The Gy m t eac her , Coac h Cl app, f ound me a uni f or m but di dn' t mak e me dr es s
down f or t oday ' s c l as s . At home, onl y t wo y ear s of RE. wer e r equi r ed.
Her e, P. E. was mandat or y al l f our y ear s . For k s was l i t er al l y my per s onal
hel l on Ear t h.
I wat c hed f our v ol l ey bal l games r unni ng s i mul t aneous l y . Remember i ng how
many i nj ur i es I had s us t ai ned — and i nf l i c t ed — pl ay i ng v ol l ey bal l , I
f el t f ai nt l y naus eat ed.
The f i nal bel l r ang at l as t . I wal k ed s l owl y t o t he of f i c e t o r et ur n my
paper wor k . The r ai n had dr i f t ed away , but t he wi nd was s t r ong, and
c ol der . I wr apped my ar ms ar ound my s el f .
When I wal k ed i nt o t he war m of f i ce, I al mos t t ur ned ar ound and wal k ed
bac k out .
Edwar d Cul l en s t ood at t he des k i n f r ont of me. I r ec ogni z ed agai n t hat
t ous l ed br onz e hai r . He di dn' t appear t o not i c e t he s ound of my ent r anc e.
I s t ood pr es s ed agai ns t t he bac k wal l , wai t i ng f or t he r ec ept i oni st t o be
f r ee.
He was ar gui ng wi t h her i n a l ow, at t r ac t i v e v oi c e. I qui c k l y pi c ked up
t he gi s t of t he ar gument . He was t r y i ng t o t r ade f r om s i x t h- hour Bi ol ogy
t o anot her t i me — any ot her t i me.
I j us t c oul dn' t bel i ev e t hat t hi s was about me. I t had t o be s omet hi ng
el s e, s omet hi ng t hat happened bef or e I ent er ed t he Bi ol ogy r oom. The l ook
on hi s f ac e mus t hav e been about anot her aggr av at i on ent i r el y . I t was
i mpos s i bl e t hat t hi s s t r anger c oul d t ak e s uc h a s udden, i nt ens e di s l i k e
t o me.
The door opened agai n, and t he c ol d wi nd s uddenl y gus t ed t hr ough t he
r oom, r us t l i ng t he paper s on t he des k , s wi r l i ng my hai r ar ound my f ac e.
The gi r l who c ame i n mer el y s t epped t o t he des k , pl ac ed a not e i n t he
wi r e bas k et , and wal k ed out agai n. But Edwar d Cul l en' s bac k s t i f f ened,
and he t ur ned s l owl y t o gl ar e at me — hi s f ac e was abs ur dl y hands ome —
wi t h pi er c i ng, hat e- f i l l ed ey es . For an i ns t ant , I f el t a t hr i l l of
genui ne f ear , r ai s i ng t he hai r on my ar ms . The l ook onl y l as t ed a s ec ond,
but i t c hi l l ed me mor e t han t he f r eez i ng wi nd. He t ur ned bac k t o t he
r ec ept i oni s t .
" Nev er mi nd, t hen, " he s ai d has t i l y i n a v oi c e l i k e v el v et . " I c an s ee
t hat i t ' s i mpos s i bl e. Thank y ou so muc h f or y our hel p. " And he t ur ned on
hi s heel wi t hout anot her l ook at me, and di s appear ed out t he door .
I went meek l y t o t he des k , my f ace whi t e f or onc e i ns t ead of r ed, and
handed her t he s i gned s l i p.
" How di d y our f i r s t day go, dear ?" t he r ec ept i oni s t as k ed mat er nal l y .
" Fi ne, " I l i ed, my v oi c e weak . She di dn' t l ook c onv i nc ed.
When I got t o t he t r uc k , i t was al mos t t he l as t c ar i n t he l ot . I t s eemed
l i k e a hav en, al r eady t he c l os es t t hi ng t o home I had i n t hi s damp gr een
hol e. I s at i ns i de f or a whi l e, j us t s t ar i ng out t he wi nds hi el d bl ank l y .
But s oon I was c ol d enough t o need t he heat er , s o I t ur ned t he k ey and
t he engi ne r oar ed t o l i f e. I headed bac k t o Char l i e' s hous e, f i ght i ng
t ear s t he whol e way t her e.
===========================================================================

2. OPEN BOOK
The nex t day was bet t er … and wor se.
I t was bet t er bec aus e i t was n' t r ai ni ng y et , t hough t he c l ouds wer e dens e
and opaque. I t was eas i er bec aus e I k new what t o ex pec t of my day . Mi k e
c ame t o s i t by me i n Engl i s h, and wal k ed me t o my nex t c l as s , wi t h Ches s
Cl ub Er i c gl ar i ng at hi m al l t he whi l e; t hat was nat t er i ng. Peopl e di dn' t
l ook at me qui t e as muc h as t hey had y es t er day . I s at wi t h a bi g gr oup at
l unc h t hat i nc l uded Mi k e, Er i c , Jes s i c a, and s ev er al ot her peopl e whos e
names and f ac es I now r emember ed. I began t o f eel l i k e I was t r eadi ng
wat er , i ns t ead of dr owni ng i n i t .
I t was wor s e bec aus e I was t i r ed; I s t i l l c oul dn' t s l eep wi t h t he wi nd
ec hoi ng ar ound t he hous e. I t was wor s e bec aus e Mr . Var ner c al l ed on me i n
Tr i g when my hand was n' t r ai s ed and I had t he wr ong ans wer . I t was
mi s er abl e bec aus e I had t o pl ay vol l ey bal l , and t he one t i me I di dn' t
c r i nge out of t he way of t he bal l , I hi t my t eammat e i n t he head wi t h it.
And i t was wor s e bec aus e Edwar d Cul l en was n' t i n s c hool at al l .
Al l mor ni ng I was dr eadi ng l unc h, f ear i ng hi s bi z ar r e gl ar es . Par t of me
want ed t o c onf r ont hi m and demand t o k now what hi s pr obl em was . Whi l e I
was l y i ng s l eepl es s i n my bed, I ev en i magi ned what I woul d s ay . But I
k new my s el f t oo wel l t o t hi nk I woul d r eal l y hav e t he gut s t o do i t . I
made t he Cowar dl y Li on l ook l i k e t he t er mi nat or .
But when I wal k ed i nt o t he c af et er i a wi t h J es s i c a — t r y i ng t o k eep my
ey es f r om s weepi ng t he pl ac e f or hi m, and f ai l i ng ent i r el y — I s aw t hat
hi s f our s i bl i ngs of s or t s wer e si t t i ng t oget her at t he s ame t abl e, and
he was not wi t h t hem.
Mi k e i nt er c ept ed us and s t eer ed us t o hi s t abl e. J es s i c a s eemed el at ed by
t he at t ent i on, and her f r i ends qui c k l y j oi ned us . But as I t r i ed t o
l i s t en t o t hei r eas y c hat t er , I was t er r i bl y unc omf or t abl e, wai t i ng
ner v ous l y f or t he moment he woul d ar r i v e. I hoped t hat he woul d s i mpl y
i gnor e me when he c ame, and pr ov e my s us pi c i ons f al s e.
He di dn' t c ome, and as t i me pas s ed I gr ew mor e and mor e t ens e.
I wal k ed t o Bi ol ogy wi t h mor e c onf i denc e when, by t he end of l unc h, he
s t i l l hadn' t s howed. Mi k e, who was t ak i ng on t he qual i t i es of a gol den
r et r i ev er , wal k ed f ai t hf ul l y by my s i de t o c l as s . I hel d my br eat h at t he
door , but Edwar d Cul l en was n' t t her e, ei t her . I ex hal ed and went t o my
s eat . Mi k e f ol l owed, t al k i ng about an upc omi ng t r i p t o t he beac h. He
l i nger ed by my des k t i l l t he bel l r ang. Then he s mi l ed at me wi s t f ul l y
and went t o s i t by a gi r l wi t h br ac es and a bad per m. I t l ook ed l i k e I
was goi ng t o hav e t o do s omet hi ng about Mi k e, and i t woul dn' t be eas y . I n
a t own l i k e t hi s , wher e ev er y one l i v ed on t op of ev er y one el s e, di pl omac y
was es s ent i al . I had nev er been enor mous l y t ac t f ul ; I had no pr ac t i c e
deal i ng wi t h ov er l y f r i endl y boy s.
I was r el i ev ed t hat I had t he desk t o my s el f , t hat Edwar d was abs ent . I
t ol d my s el f t hat r epeat edl y . But I c oul dn' t get r i d of t he naggi ng
s us pi c i on t hat I was t he r eas on he was n' t t her e. I t was r i di c ul ous, and
egot i s t i c al , t o t hi nk t hat I c oul d af f ec t any one t hat s t r ongl y . I t was
i mpos s i bl e. And y et I c oul dn' t s t op wor r y i ng t hat i t was t r ue.
When t he s c hool day was f i nal l y done, and t he bl us h was f adi ng out of my
c heek s f r om t he v ol l ey bal l i nc i dent , I c hanged qui c k l y bac k i nt o my j eans
and nav y bl ue s weat er . I hur r i ed f r om t he gi r l s ' l oc k er r oom, pl eas ed t o
f i nd t hat I had s uc c es s f ul l y ev aded my r et r i ev er f r i end f or t he moment . I
wal k ed s wi f t l y out t o t he par k i ng l ot . I t was c r owded now wi t h f l eei ng
s t udent s . I got i n my t r uc k and dug t hr ough my bag t o mak e s ur e I had
what I needed.
Las t ni ght I ' d di s c ov er ed t hat Char l i e c oul dn' t c ook muc h bes i des f r i ed
eggs and bac on. So I r eques t ed t hat I be as s i gned k i t c hen det ai l f or t he
dur at i on of my s t ay . He was wi l l i ng enough t o hand ov er t he k ey s t o t he
banquet hal l . I al s o f ound out t hat he had no f ood i n t he hous e. So I had
my s hoppi ng l i s t and t he c as h f r om t he j ar i n t he c upboar d l abel ed FOOD
MONEY, and I was on my way t o t he Thr i f t way .
I gunned my deaf eni ng engi ne t o l i f e, i gnor i ng t he heads t hat t ur ned i n
my di r ec t i on, and bac k ed c ar ef ul l y i nt o a pl ac e i n t he l i ne of c ar s t hat
wer e wai t i ng t o ex i t t he par k i ng l ot . As I wai t ed, t r y i ng t o pr et end t hat
t he ear s pl i t t i ng r umbl e was c omi ng f r om s omeone el s e' s c ar , I s aw t he t wo
Cul l ens and t he Hal e t wi ns get t i ng i nt o t hei r c ar . I t was t he s hi ny new
Vol v o. Of c our s e. I hadn' t not i c ed t hei r c l ot hes bef or e — I ' d been t oo
mes mer i z ed by t hei r f ac es . Now t hat I l ook ed, i t was obv i ous t hat t hey
wer e al l dr es s ed ex c ept i onal l y wel l ; s i mpl y , but i n c l ot hes t hat subt l y
hi nt ed at des i gner or i gi ns . Wi t h t hei r r emar k abl e good l ook s , t he s t y l e
wi t h whi c h t hey c ar r i ed t hems el v es , t hey c oul d hav e wor n di s hr ags and
pul l ed i t of f . I t s eemed ex c es s i ve f or t hem t o hav e bot h l ook s and money .
But as f ar as I c oul d t el l , l i f e wor k ed t hat way mos t of t he t i me. I t
di dn' t l ook as i f i t bought t hem any ac c ept anc e her e.
No, I di dn' t f ul l y bel i ev e t hat . The i s ol at i on mus t be t hei r des i r e; I
c oul dn' t i magi ne any door t hat woul dn' t be opened by t hat degr ee of
beaut y .
They l ook ed at my noi s y t r uc k as I pas s ed t hem, j us t l i k e ev er y one el s e.
I k ept my ey es s t r ai ght f or war d and was r el i ev ed when I f i nal l y was f r ee
of t he s c hool gr ounds .
The Thr i f t way was not f ar f r om t he s c hool , j us t a f ew s t r eet s s out h, of f
t he hi ghway . I t was ni c e t o be i ns i de t he s uper mar k et ; i t f el t nor mal . I
di d t he s hoppi ng at home, and I f el l i nt o t he pat t er n of t he f ami l i ar
t as k gl adl y . The s t or e was bi g enough i ns i de t hat I c oul dn' t hear t he
t appi ng of t he r ai n on t he r oof t o r emi nd me wher e I was .
When I got home, I unl oaded al l t he gr oc er i es , s t uf f i ng t hem i n wher ev er
I c oul d f i nd an open s pac e. I hoped Char l i e woul dn' t mi nd. I wr apped
pot at oes i n f oi l and s t uc k t hem i n t he ov en t o bak e, c ov er ed a s t eak i n
mar i nade and bal anc ed i t on t op of a c ar t on of eggs i n t he f r i dge.
When I was f i ni s hed wi t h t hat , I t ook my book bag ups t ai r s . Bef or e
s t ar t i ng my homewor k , I c hanged i nt o a pai r of dr y s weat s , pul l ed my damp
hai r up i nt o a pony - t ai l , and c hec k ed my e- mai l f or t he f i r s t t i me. I had
t hr ee mes s ages .
" Bel l a, " my mom wr ot e…

Wr i t e me as s oon as y ou get i n. Tel l me how y our f l i ght was . I s i t

r ai ni ng? I mi s s y ou al r eady . I ' m al mos t f i ni s hed pac k i ng f or Fl or i da, but
I c an' t f i nd my pi nk bl ous e. Do you k now wher e I put i t ? Phi l s ay s hi .
Mom.

I s i ghed and went t o t he nex t . I t was s ent ei ght hour s af t er t he f i r s t .

" Bel l a, " s he wr ot e…

Why hav en' t y ou e- mai l ed me y et ? What ar e y ou wai t i ng f or ? Mom.

The l as t was f r om t hi s mor ni ng.

I s abel l a,
I f I hav en' t hear d f r om y ou by 5: 30 p. m. t oday I ' m c al l i ng Char l i e.

I c hec k ed t he c l oc k . I s t i l l had an hour , but my mom was wel l k nown f or

j umpi ng t he gun.

Mom,
Cal m down. I ' m wr i t i ng r i ght now. Don' t do any t hi ng r as h.
Bel l a.

I s ent t hat , and began agai n.

Mom,
Ev er y t hi ng i s gr eat . Of c our s e i t ' s r ai ni ng. I was wai t i ng f or s omet hi ng
t o wr i t e about . Sc hool i s n' t bad, j us t a l i t t l e r epet i t i v e. I met s ome
ni c e k i ds who s i t by me at l unc h.
Your bl ous e i s at t he dr y c l eaner s - y ou wer e s uppos ed t o pi c k i t up
Fr i day .
Char l i e bought me a t r uc k , c an y ou bel i ev e i t ? I l ov e i t . I t ' s ol d, but
r eal l y s t ur dy , whi c h i s good, y ou k now, f or me.
I mi s s y ou, t oo. I ' l l wr i t e agai n s oon, but I ' m not goi ng t o c hec k my
e- mai l ev er y f i v e mi nut es . Rel ax , br eat he. I l ov e y ou.
Bel l a.

I had dec i ded t o r ead Wut her i ng Hei ght s — t he nov el we wer e c ur r ent l y
s t udy i ng i n Engl i s h — y et agai n f or t he f un of i t , and t hat ' s what I was
doi ng when Char l i e c ame home. I ' d l os t t r ac k of t he t i me, and I hur r i ed
downs t ai r s t o t ak e t he pot at oes out and put t he s t eak i n t o br oi l .
" Bel l a?" my f at her c al l ed out when he hear d me on t he s t ai r s .
Who el s e? I t hought t o my s el f .
" Hey , Dad, wel c ome home. "
" Thank s . " He hung up hi s gun bel t and s t epped out of hi s boot s as I
bus t l ed about t he k i t c hen. As f ar as I was awar e, he' d nev er s hot t he gun
on t he j ob. But he k ept i t r eady . When I c ame her e as a c hi l d, he woul d
al way s r emov e t he bul l et s as s oon as he wal k ed i n t he door . I guess he
c ons i der ed me ol d enough now not t o s hoot my s el f by ac c i dent , and not
depr es s ed enough t o s hoot my s el f on pur pos e.
" What ' s f or di nner ?" he as k ed war i l y . My mot her was an i magi nat i v e c ook ,
and her ex per i ment s wer en' t al ways edi bl e. I was s ur pr i s ed, and s ad, t hat
he s eemed t o r emember t hat f ar bac k .
" St eak and pot at oes , " I ans wer ed, and he l ook ed r el i ev ed.
He s eemed t o f eel awk war d s t andi ng i n t he k i t c hen doi ng not hi ng; he
l umber ed i nt o t he l i v i ng r oom t o wat c h TV whi l e I wor k ed. We wer e bot h
mor e c omf or t abl e t hat way . I made a s al ad whi l e t he s t eak s c ook ed, and
s et t he t abl e.
I c al l ed hi m i n when di nner was r eady , and he s ni f f ed appr ec i at i v el y as
he wal k ed i nt o t he r oom.
" Smel l s good, Bel l . "
" Thank s . "
We at e i n s i l enc e f or a f ew mi nut es . I t was n' t unc omf or t abl e. Nei t her of
us was bot her ed by t he qui et . I n s ome way s , we wer e wel l s ui t ed f or
l i v i ng t oget her .
" So, how di d y ou l i k e s c hool ? Have y ou made any f r i ends ?" he as k ed as he
was t ak i ng s ec onds .
" Wel l , I hav e a f ew c l as s es wi t h a gi r l named J es s i c a. I s i t wi t h her
f r i ends at l unc h. And t her e' s t hi s boy , Mi k e, who' s v er y f r i endl y .
Ev er y body s eems pr et t y ni c e. " Wi t h one out s t andi ng ex c ept i on.
" That mus t be Mi k e Newt on. Ni c e ki d — ni c e f ami l y . Hi s dad owns t he
s por t i ng goods s t or e j us t out s i de of t own. He mak es a good l i v i ng of f al l
t he bac k pac k er s who c ome t hr ough her e. "
" Do y ou k now t he Cul l en f ami l y ?" I as k ed hes i t ant l y .
" Dr . Cul l en' s f ami l y ? Sur e. Dr . Cul l en' s a gr eat man. "
" They … t he k i ds … ar e a l i t t l e di f f er ent . They don' t s eem t o f i t i n v er y
wel l at s c hool . "
Char l i e s ur pr i s ed me by l ook i ng angr y .
" Peopl e i n t hi s t own, " he mut t er ed. " Dr . Cul l en i s a br i l l i ant s ur geon
who c oul d pr obabl y wor k i n any hos pi t al i n t he wor l d, mak e t en t i mes t he
s al ar y he get s her e, " he c ont i nued, get t i ng l ouder . " We' r e l uc k y t o hav e
hi m — l uc k y t hat hi s wi f e want ed t o l i v e i n a s mal l t own. He' s an as s et
t o t he c ommuni t y , and al l of t hose k i ds ar e wel l behav ed and pol i t e. I
had my doubt s , when t hey f i r s t mov ed i n, wi t h al l t hos e adopt ed
t eenager s . I t hought we mi ght have s ome pr obl ems wi t h t hem. But t hey ' r e
al l v er y mat ur e — I hav en' t had one s pec k of t r oubl e f r om any of t hem.
That ' s mor e t han I c an s ay f or t he c hi l dr en of s ome f ol k s who hav e l i v ed
i n t hi s t own f or gener at i ons . And t hey s t i c k t oget her t he way a f ami l y
s houl d — c ampi ng t r i ps ev er y ot her week end… J us t bec aus e t hey ' r e
newc omer s , peopl e hav e t o t al k . "
I t was t he l onges t s peec h I ' d ev er hear d Char l i e mak e. He mus t f eel
s t r ongl y about what ev er peopl e wer e s ay i ng.
I bac k pedal ed. " They s eemed ni c e enough t o me. I j us t not i c ed t hey k ept
t o t hems el v es . They ' r e al l v er y at t r ac t i v e, " I added, t r y i ng t o be mor e
c ompl i ment ar y .
" You s houl d s ee t he doc t or , " Char l i e s ai d, l aughi ng. " I t ' s a good t hi ng
he' s happi l y mar r i ed. A l ot of t he nur s es at t he hos pi t al hav e a har d
t i me c onc ent r at i ng on t hei r wor k wi t h hi m ar ound. "
We l aps ed bac k i nt o s i l enc e as we f i ni s hed eat i ng. He c l ear ed t he t abl e
whi l e I s t ar t ed on t he di s hes . He went bac k t o t he TV, and af t er I
f i ni s hed was hi ng t he di s hes by hand — no di s hwas her — I went ups t ai r s
unwi l l i ngl y t o wor k on my mat h homewor k . I c oul d f eel a t r adi t i on i n t he
mak i ng.
That ni ght i t was f i nal l y qui et . I f el l as l eep qui c k l y , ex haus t ed.
The r es t of t he week was unev ent f ul . I got us ed t o t he r out i ne of my
c l as s es . By Fr i day I was abl e t o r ec ogni z e, i f not name, al mos t al l t he
s t udent s at s c hool . I n Gy m, t he ki ds on my t eam l ear ned not t o pass me
t he bal l and t o s t ep qui c k l y i n f r ont of me i f t he ot her t eam t r i ed t o
t ak e adv ant age of my weak nes s . I happi l y s t ay ed out of t hei r way .
Edwar d Cul l en di dn' t c ome bac k t o s c hool .
Ev er y day , I wat c hed anx i ous l y unt i l t he r es t of t he Cul l ens ent er ed t he
c af et er i a wi t hout hi m. Then I c oul d r el ax and j oi n i n t he l unc ht i me
c onv er s at i on. Mos t l y i t c ent er ed ar ound a t r i p t o t he La Pus h Oc ean Par k
i n t wo week s t hat Mi k e was put t i ng t oget her . I was i nv i t ed, and I had
agr eed t o go, mor e out of pol i t enes s t han des i r e. Beac hes s houl d be hot
and dr y .
By Fr i day I was per f ec t l y c omf or t abl e ent er i ng my Bi ol ogy c l as s , no
l onger wor r i ed t hat Edwar d woul d be t her e. For al l I k new, he had dr opped
out of s c hool . I t r i ed not t o t hi nk about hi m, but I c oul dn' t t ot al l y
s uppr es s t he wor r y t hat I was r espons i bl e f or hi s c ont i nued abs ence,
r i di c ul ous as i t s eemed.
My f i r s t week end i n For k s pas s ed wi t hout i nc i dent . Char l i e, unus ed t o
s pendi ng t i me i n t he us ual l y empt y hous e, wor k ed mos t of t he week end. I
c l eaned t he hous e, got ahead on my homewor k , and wr ot e my mom mor e
bogus l y c heer f ul e- mai l . I di d dr i v e t o t he l i br ar y Sat ur day , but i t was
s o poor l y s t oc k ed t hat I di dn' t bot her t o get a c ar d; I woul d hav e t o
mak e a dat e t o v i s i t Ol y mpi a or Seat t l e s oon and f i nd a good book st or e. I
wonder ed i dl y what k i nd of gas mi l eage t he t r uc k got … and s hudder ed at
t he t hought .
The r ai n s t ay ed s of t ov er t he week end, qui et , s o I was abl e t o s l eep wel l .
Peopl e gr eet ed me i n t he par k i ng l ot Monday mor ni ng. I di dn' t k now al l
t hei r names , but I wav ed bac k and s mi l ed at ev er y one. I t was c ol der t hi s
mor ni ng, but happi l y not r ai ni ng. I n Engl i s h, Mi k e t ook hi s ac c us t omed
s eat by my s i de. We had a pop qui z on Wut her i ng Hei ght s . I t was
s t r ai ght f or war d, v er y eas y .
Al l i n al l , I was f eel i ng a l ot mor e c omf or t abl e t han I had t hought I
woul d f eel by t hi s poi nt . Mor e c omf or t abl e t han I had ev er ex pec t ed t o
f eel her e.
When we wal k ed out of c l as s , t he ai r was f ul l of s wi r l i ng bi t s of whi t e.
I c oul d hear peopl e s hout i ng ex c i t edl y t o eac h ot her . The wi nd bi t at my
c heek s , my nos e.
" Wow, " Mi k e s ai d. " I t ' s s nowi ng. "
I l ook ed at t he l i t t l e c ot t on f l uf f s t hat wer e bui l di ng up al ong t he
s i dewal k and s wi r l i ng er r at i c al l y pas t my f ac e.
" Ew. " Snow. Ther e went my good day .
He l ook ed s ur pr i s ed. " Don' t y ou l i k e s now?"
" No. That means i t ' s t oo c ol d f or r ai n. " Obv i ous l y . " Bes i des , I t hought
i t was s uppos ed t o c ome down i n f l ak es — y ou k now, eac h one uni que and
al l t hat . Thes e j us t l ook l i k e t he ends of Q- t i ps . "
" Hav en' t y ou ev er s een s now f al l bef or e?" he as k ed i nc r edul ous l y .
" Sur e I hav e. " I paus ed. " On TV. "
Mi k e l aughed. And t hen a bi g, s qui s hy bal l of dr i ppi ng s now s mac k ed i nt o
t he bac k of hi s head. We bot h t ur ned t o s ee wher e i t c ame f r om. I had my
s us pi c i ons about Er i c , who was wal k i ng away , hi s bac k t owar d us — i n t he
wr ong di r ec t i on f or hi s nex t c l ass . Mi k e appat ent l y had t he s ame not i on.
He bent ov er and began s c r api ng t oget her a pi l e of t he whi t e mus h.
" I ' l l s ee y ou at l unc h, ok ay ?" I k ept wal k i ng as I s pok e. " Onc e peopl e
s t ar t t hr owi ng wet s t uf f , I go i ns i de. "
He j us t nodded, hi s ey es on Er i c ' s r et r eat i ng f i gur e.
Thr oughout t he mor ni ng, ev er y one c hat t er ed ex c i t edl y about t he s now;
appar ent l y i t was t he f i r s t s nowf al l of t he new y ear . I k ept my mout h
s hut . Sur e, i t was dr i er t han r ai n — unt i l i t mel t ed i n y our s oc k s.
I wal k ed al er t l y t o t he c af et er i a wi t h J es s i c a af t er Spani s h. Mus h bal l s
wer e f l y i ng ev er y wher e. I k ept a bi nder i n my hands , r eady t o us e i t as a
s hi el d i f nec es s ar y . J es s i c a t hought I was hi l ar i ous , but s omet hi ng i n my
ex pr es s i on k ept her f r om l obbi ng a s nowbal l at me her s el f .
Mi k e c aught up t o us as we wal k ed i n t he door s , l aughi ng, wi t h i c e
mel t i ng t he s pi k es i n hi s hai r . He and J es s i c a wer e t al k i ng ani mat edl y
about t he s now f i ght as we got i n l i ne t o buy f ood. I gl anc ed t owar d t hat
t abl e i n t he c or ner out of habi t . And t hen I f r oz e wher e I s t ood. Ther e
wer e f i v e peopl e at t he t abl e.
J es s i c a pul l ed on my ar m.
" Hel l o? Bel l a? What do y ou want ?"
I l ook ed down; my ear s wer e hot . I had no r eas on t o f eel s el f - c onsc i ous ,
I r emi nded my s el f . I hadn' t done any t hi ng wr ong.
" What ' s wi t h Bel l a?" Mi k e as k ed Jes s i c a.
" Not hi ng, " I ans wer ed. " I ' l l j us t get a s oda t oday . " I c aught up t o t he
end of t he l i ne.
" Ar en' t y ou hungr y ?" J es s i c a as k ed.
" Ac t ual l y , I f eel a l i t t l e s i c k , " I s ai d, my ey es s t i l l on t he f l oor .
I wai t ed f or t hem t o get t hei r f ood, and t hen f ol l owed t hem t o a t abl e,
my ey es on my f eet .
I s i pped my s oda s l owl y , my s t omac h c hur ni ng. Twi c e Mi k e as k ed, wi t h
unnec es s ar y c onc er n, how I was f eel i ng.
I t ol d hi m i t was not hi ng, but I was wonder i ng i f I s houl d pl ay i t up and
es c ape t o t he nur s e' s of f i c e f or t he nex t hour .
Ri di c ul ous . I s houl dn' t hav e t o r un away .
I dec i ded t o per mi t my s el f one gl anc e at t he Cul l en f ami l y ' s t abl e. I f he
was gl ar i ng at me, I woul d s k i p Bi ol ogy , l i k e t he c owar d I was .
I k ept my head down and gl anc ed up under my l as hes . None of t hem wer e
l ook i ng t hi s way . I l i f t ed my head a l i t t l e.
They wer e l aughi ng. Edwar d, J as per , and Emmet t al l had t hei r hai r
ent i r el y s at ur at ed wi t h mel t i ng snow. Al i c e and Ros al i e wer e l eani ng away
as Emmet t s hook hi s dr i ppi ng hai r t owar d t hem. They wer e enj oy i ng t he
s nowy day , j us t l i k e ev er y one el se — onl y t hey l ook ed mor e l i k e a s c ene
f r om a mov i e t han t he r es t of us .
But , as i de f r om t he l aught er and pl ay f ul nes s , t her e was s omet hi ng
di f f er ent , and I c oul dn' t qui t e pi npoi nt what t hat di f f er enc e was . I
ex ami ned Edwar d t he mos t c ar ef ul l y . Hi s s k i n was l es s pal e, I dec i ded —
f l us hed f r om t he s now f i ght may be — t he c i r c l es under hi s ey es much l es s
not i c eabl e. But t her e was s omet hi ng mor e. I ponder ed, s t ar i ng, t r yi ng t o
i s ol at e t he c hange.
" Bel l a, what ar e y ou s t ar i ng at ?" J es s i c a i nt r uded, her ey es f ol l owi ng my
s t ar e.
At t hat pr ec i s e moment , hi s ey es f l as hed ov er t o meet mi ne.
I dr opped my head, l et t i ng my hai r f al l t o c onc eal my f ac e. I was s ur e,
t hough, i n t he i ns t ant our ey es met , t hat he di dn' t l ook har s h or
unf r i endl y as he had t he l as t t i me I ' d s een hi m. He l ook ed mer el y c ur i ous
agai n, uns at i s f i ed i n s ome way .
" Edwar d Cul l en i s s t ar i ng at y ou, " J es s i c a gi ggl ed i n my ear .
" He does n' t l ook angr y , does he?" I c oul dn' t hel p as k i ng.
" No, " s he s ai d, s oundi ng c onf us ed by my ques t i on. " Shoul d he be?"
" I don' t t hi nk he l i k es me, " I c onf i ded. I s t i l l f el t queas y . I put my
head down on my ar m.
" The Cul l ens don' t l i k e any body … wel l , t hey don' t not i c e any body enough
t o l i k e t hem. But he' s s t i l l s t ar i ng at y ou. "
" St op l ook i ng at hi m, " I hi s s ed.
She s ni c k er ed, but s he l ook ed away . I r ai s ed my head enough t o make s ur e
t hat s he di d, c ont empl at i ng v i ol enc e i f s he r es i s t ed.
Mi k e i nt er r upt ed us t hen — he was pl anni ng an epi c bat t l e of t he bl i z z ar d
i n t he par k i ng l ot af t er s c hool and want ed us to j oi n. J es s i c a agr eed
ent hus i as t i c al l y . The way s he l ook ed at Mi k e l ef t litt l e doubt t hat s he
woul d be up f or any t hi ng he s ugges t ed. I k ept si l ent . I woul d hav e t o
hi de i n t he gy m unt i l t he par k i ng l ot c l ear ed.
For t he r es t of t he l unc h hour I v er y c ar ef ul l y k ept my ey es at my own
t abl e. I dec i ded t o honor t he bar gai n I ' d made wi t h my s el f . Si nc e he
di dn' t l ook angr y , I woul d go t o Bi ol ogy . My s t omac h di d f r i ght ened
little f l i ps at t he t hought of s i t t i ng nex t t o hi m agai n.
I di dn' t r eal l y want t o wal k t o cl as s wi t h Mi k e as us ual — he s eemed t o
be a popul ar t ar get f or t he s nowbal l s ni per s — but when we went t o t he
door , ev er y one bes i des me gr oaned i n uni s on. I t was r ai ni ng, was hi ng al l
t r ac es of t he s now away i n c l ear , i c y r i bbons down t he s i de of t he
wal k way . I pul l ed my hood up, s ecr et l y pl eas ed. I woul d be f r ee t o go
s t r ai ght home af t er Gy m.
Mi k e k ept up a s t r i ng of c ompl ai nt s on t he way t o bui l di ng f our .
Onc e i ns i de t he c l as s r oom, I s aw wi t h r el i ef t hat my t abl e was s t i l l
empt y . Mr . Banner was wal k i ng ar ound t he r oom, di s t r i but i ng one
mi c r os c ope and box of s l i des t o eac h t abl e. Cl as s di dn' t s t ar t f or a f ew
mi nut es , and t he r oom buz z ed wi t h c onv er s at i on. I k ept my ey es away f r om
t he door , doodl i ng i dl y on t he c ov er of my not ebook .
I hear d v er y c l ear l y when t he c hai r nex t t o me mov ed, but my ey es s t ay ed
c ar ef ul l y f oc us ed on t he pat t er n I was dr awi ng.
" Hel l o, " s ai d a qui et , mus i c al v oi c e.
I l ook ed up, s t unned t hat he was s peak i ng t o me. He was s i t t i ng as f ar
away f r om me as t he des k al l owed, but hi s c hai r was angl ed t owar d me. Hi s
hai r was dr i ppi ng wet , di s hev el ed — ev en s o, he l ook ed l i k e he' d j us t
f i ni s hed s hoot i ng a c ommer c i al f or hai r gel . Hi s daz z l i ng f ac e was
f r i endl y , open, a s l i ght s mi l e on hi s f l awl es s l i ps . But hi s ey es wer e
c ar ef ul .
" My name i s Edwar d Cul l en, " he c ont i nued. " I di dn' t hav e a c hanc e t o
i nt r oduc e my s el f l as t week . You mus t be Bel l a Swan. "
My mi nd was s pi nni ng wi t h c onf us i on. Had I made up t he whol e t hi ng? He
was per f ec t l y pol i t e now. I had t o s peak ; he was wai t i ng. But I c oul dn' t
t hi nk of any t hi ng c onv ent i onal t o s ay .
" H- how do y ou k now my name?" I s t ammer ed.
He l aughed a s of t , enc hant i ng l augh.
" Oh, I t hi nk ev er y one k nows y our name. The whol e t own' s been wai t i ng f or
y ou t o ar r i v e. "
I gr i mac ed. I k new i t was s omet hi ng l i k e t hat .
" No, " I per s i s t ed s t upi dl y . " I meant , why di d y ou c al l me Bel l a?"
He s eemed c onf us ed. " Do y ou pr ef er I s abel l a?"
" No, I l i k e Bel l a, " I s ai d. " But I t hi nk Char l i e — I mean my dad — mus t
c al l me I s abel l a behi nd my bac k — t hat ' s what ev er y one her e s eems t o k now
me as , " I t r i ed t o ex pl ai n, f eel i ng l i k e an ut t er mor on.
" Oh. " He l et i t dr op. I l ook ed away awk war dl y .
Thank f ul l y , Mr . Banner s t ar t ed c l as s at t hat moment . I t r i ed t o
c onc ent r at e as he ex pl ai ned t he l ab we woul d be doi ng t oday . The sl i des
i n t he box wer e out of or der . Wor k i ng as l ab par t ner s , we had t o separ at e
t he s l i des of oni on r oot t i p c el l s i nt o t he phas es of mi t os i s t hey
r epr es ent ed and l abel t hem ac c or di ngl y . We wer en' t s uppos ed t o us e our
book s . I n t went y mi nut es , he woul d be c omi ng ar ound t o s ee who had i t
r i ght .
" Get s t ar t ed, " he c ommanded.
" Ladi es f i r s t , par t ner ?" Edwar d as k ed. I l ook ed up t o s ee hi m s mi l i ng a
c r ook ed s mi l e s o beaut i f ul t hat I c oul d onl y s t ar e at hi m l i k e an i di ot .
" Or I c oul d s t ar t , i f y ou wi s h. " The s mi l e f aded; he was obv i ous l y
wonder i ng i f I was ment al l y c ompet ent .
" No, " I s ai d, f l us hi ng. " I ' l l go ahead. "
I was s howi ng of f , j us t a l i t t l e. I ' d al r eady done t hi s l ab, and I k new
what I was l ook i ng f or . I t s houl d be eas y . I s napped t he f i r s t s l i de i nt o
pl ac e under t he mi c r os c ope and adj us t ed i t qui c k l y t o t he 40X obj ec t i v e.
I s t udi ed t he s l i de br i ef l y .
My as s es s ment was c onf i dent . " Pr ophas e. "
" Do y ou mi nd i f I l ook ?" he as k ed as I began t o r emov e t he s l i de. Hi s
hand c aught mi ne, t o s t op me, as he as k ed. Hi s f i nger s wer e i c e- c ol d,
l i k e he' d been hol di ng t hem i n a s nowdr i f t bef or e c l as s . But t hat was n' t
why I j er k ed my hand away s o qui ck l y . When he t ouc hed me, i t s t ung my
hand as i f an el ec t r i c c ur r ent had pas s ed t hr ough us .
" I ' m s or r y , " he mut t er ed, pul l i ng hi s hand bac k i mmedi at el y . However , he
c ont i nued t o r eac h f or t he mi c r osc ope. I wat c hed hi m, s t i l l s t agger ed, as
he ex ami ned t he s l i de f or an ev en s hor t er t i me t han I had.
" Pr ophas e, " he agr eed, wr i t i ng i t neat l y i n t he f i r s t s pac e on our
wor k s heet . He s wi f t l y s wi t c hed out t he f i r s t s l i de f or t he s ec ond, and
t hen gl anc ed at i t c ur s or i l y .
" Anaphas e, " he mur mur ed, wr i t i ng i t down as he s pok e.
I k ept my v oi c e i ndi f f er ent . " May I ?"
He s mi r k ed and pus hed t he mi c r os cope t o me.
I l ook ed t hr ough t he ey epi ec e eager l y , onl y t o be di s appoi nt ed. Dang i t ,
he was r i ght .
" Sl i de t hr ee?" I hel d out my hand wi t hout l ook i ng at hi m.
He handed i t t o me; i t s eemed l i ke he was bei ng c ar ef ul not t o t ouc h my
s k i n agai n.
I t ook t he mos t f l eet i ng l ook I coul d manage.
" I nt er phas e. " I pas s ed hi m t he mi c r os c ope bef or e he c oul d as k f or i t . He
t ook a s wi f t peek , and t hen wr ot e i t down. I woul d hav e wr i t t en i t whi l e
he l ook ed, but hi s c l ear , el egant s c r i pt i nt i mi dat ed me. I di dn' t want t o
s poi l t he page wi t h my c l ums y s c r awl .
We wer e f i ni s hed bef or e any one el s e was c l os e. I c oul d s ee Mi k e and hi s
par t ner c ompar i ng t wo s l i des agai n and agai n, and anot her gr oup had t hei r
book open under t he t abl e.
Whi c h l ef t me wi t h not hi ng t o do but t r y t o not l ook at hi m…
uns uc c es s f ul l y . I gl anc ed up, and he was s t ar i ng at me, t hat s ame
i nex pl i c abl e l ook of f r us t r at i on i n hi s ey es . Suddenl y I i dent i f i ed t hat
s ubt l e di f f er enc e i n hi s f ac e.
" Di d y ou get c ont ac t s ?" I bl ur t ed out unt hi nk i ngl y .
He s eemed puz z l ed by my unex pec t ed ques t i on. " No. "
" Oh, " I mumbl ed. " I t hought t her e was s omet hi ng di f f er ent about y our
ey es . "
He s hr ugged, and l ook ed away .
I n f ac t , I was s ur e t her e was s omet hi ng di f f er ent . I v i v i dl y r emember ed
t he f l at bl ac k c ol or of hi s ey es t he l as t t i me he' d gl ar ed at me — t he
c ol or was s t r i k i ng agai ns t t he bac k gr ound of hi s pal e s k i n and hi s aubur n
hai r . Today , hi s ey es wer e a c ompl et el y di f f er ent c ol or : a s t r ange oc her ,
dar k er t han but t er s c ot c h, but wi t h t he s ame gol den t one. I di dn' t
under s t and how t hat c oul d be, unl es s he was l y i ng f or s ome r eas on about
t he c ont ac t s . Or may be For k s was mak i ng me c r az y i n t he l i t er al s ens e of
t he wor d.
I l ook ed down. Hi s hands wer e c l enc hed i nt o har d f i s t s agai n.
Mr . Banner c ame t o our t abl e t hen, t o s ee why we wer en' t wor k i ng. He
l ook ed ov er our s houl der s t o gl anc e at t he c ompl et ed l ab, and t hen s t ar ed
mor e i nt ent l y t o c hec k t he ans wer s .
" So, Edwar d, di dn' t y ou t hi nk I s abel l a s houl d get a c hanc e wi t h t he
mi c r os c ope?" Mr . Banner as k ed.
" Bel l a, " Edwar d c or r ec t ed aut omat i c al l y . " Ac t ual l y , s he i dent i f i ed t hr ee
of t he f i v e. "
Mr . Banner l ook ed at me now; hi s ex pr es s i on was s k ept i c al .
" Hav e y ou done t hi s l ab bef or e?" he as k ed.
I s mi l ed s heepi s hl y . " Not wi t h oni on r oot . "
" Whi t ef i s h bl as t ul a?"
" Yeah. "
Mr . Banner nodded. " Wer e y ou i n an adv anc ed pl ac ement pr ogr am i n Phoeni x ?"
" Yes . "
" Wel l , " he s ai d af t er a moment , " I gues s i t ' s good y ou t wo ar e l ab
par t ner s . " He mumbl ed s omet hi ng el s e as he wal k ed away . Af t er he l ef t , I
began doodl i ng on my not ebook agai n.
" I t ' s t oo bad about t he s now, i s n' t i t ?" Edwar d as k ed. I had t he f eel i ng
t hat he was f or c i ng hi ms el f t o mak e s mal l t al k wi t h me. Par anoi a swept
ov er me agai n. I t was l i k e he had hear d my c onv er s at i on wi t h J es s i c a at
l unc h and was t r y i ng t o pr ov e me wr ong.
" Not r eal l y , " I ans wer ed hones t l y, i ns t ead of pr et endi ng t o be nor mal
l i k e ev er y one el s e. I was s t i l l t r y i ng t o di s l odge t he s t upi d f eel i ng of
s us pi c i on, and I c oul dn' t c onc ent r at e.
" You don' t l i k e t he c ol d. " I t wasn' t a ques t i on.
" Or t he wet . "
" For k s mus t be a di f f i c ul t pl ac e f or y ou t o l i v e, " he mus ed.
" You hav e no i dea, " I mut t er ed dar k l y .
He l ook ed f as c i nat ed by what I s ai d, f or s ome r eas on I c oul dn' t i magi ne.
Hi s f ac e was s uc h a di s t r ac t i on t hat I t r i ed not t o l ook at i t any mor e
t han c our t es y abs ol ut el y demanded.
" Why di d y ou c ome her e, t hen?"
No one had as k ed me t hat — not s t r ai ght out l i k e he di d, demandi ng.
" I t ' s … c ompl i c at ed. "
" I t hi nk I c an k eep up, " he pr es sed.
I paus ed f or a l ong moment , and t hen made t he mi s t ak e of meet i ng hi s
gaz e. Hi s dar k gol d ey es c onf us ed me, and I ans wer ed wi t hout t hi nki ng.
" My mot her got r emar r i ed, " I s ai d.
" That does n' t s ound s o c ompl ex , " he di s agr eed, but he was s uddenl y
s y mpat het i c . " When di d t hat happen?"
" Las t Sept ember . " My v oi c e s ounded s ad, ev en t o me.
" And y ou don' t l i k e hi m, " Edwar d s ur mi s ed, hi s t one s t i l l k i nd.
" No, Phi l i s f i ne. Too y oung, maybe, but ni c e enough. "
" Why di dn' t y ou s t ay wi t h t hem?"
I c oul dn' t f at hom hi s i nt er es t , but he c ont i nued t o s t ar e at me wi t h
penet r at i ng ey es , as i f my dul l l i f e' s s t or y was s omehow v i t al l y
i mpor t ant .
" Phi l t r av el s a l ot . He pl ay s bal l f or a l i v i ng. " I hal f - s mi l ed.
" Hav e I hear d of hi m?" he as k ed, s mi l i ng i n r es pons e.
" Pr obabl y not . He does n' t pl ay wel l . St r i c t l y mi nor l eague. He moves
ar ound a l ot . "
" And y our mot her s ent y ou her e s o t hat s he c oul d t r av el wi t h hi m. " He
s ai d i t as an as s umpt i on agai n, not a ques t i on.
My c hi n r ai s ed a f r ac t i on. " No, she di d not s end me her e. I s ent my s el f . "
Hi s ey ebr ows k ni t t oget her . " I don' t under s t and, " he admi t t ed, and he
s eemed unnec es s ar i l y f r us t r at ed by t hat f ac t .
I s i ghed. Why was I ex pl ai ni ng t hi s t o hi m? He c ont i nued t o s t ar e at me
wi t h obv i ous c ur i os i t y .
" She s t ay ed wi t h me at f i r s t , but s he mi s s ed hi m. I t made her unhappy … s o
I dec i ded i t was t i me t o s pend s ome qual i t y t i me wi t h Char l i e. " My v oi c e
was gl um by t he t i me I f i ni s hed.
" But now y ou' r e unhappy , " he poi nt ed out .
" And?" I c hal l enged.
" That does n' t s eem f ai r . " He s hr ugged, but hi s ey es wer e s t i l l i nt ens e.
I l aughed wi t hout humor . " Has n' t any one ev er t ol d y ou? Li f e i s n' t f ai r . "
" I bel i ev e I hav e hear d t hat s omewher e bef or e, " he agr eed dr y l y .
" So t hat ' s al l , " I i ns i s t ed, wonder i ng why he was s t i l l s t ar i ng at me
t hat way .
Hi s gaz e bec ame appr ai s i ng. " You put on a good s how, " he s ai d s l owl y .
" But I ' d be wi l l i ng t o bet t hat you' r e s uf f er i ng mor e t han y ou l et any one
s ee. "
I gr i mac ed at hi m, r es i s t i ng t he i mpul s e t o s t i c k out my t ongue l i k e a
f i v e- y ear - ol d, and l ook ed away .
" Am I wr ong?"
I t r i ed t o i gnor e hi m.
" I di dn' t t hi nk s o, " he mur mur ed s mugl y .
" Why does i t mat t er t o y ou?" I ask ed, i r r i t at ed. I k ept my ey es away ,
wat c hi ng t he t eac her mak e hi s r ounds .
" That ' s a v er y good ques t i on, " he mut t er ed, s o qui et l y t hat I wonder ed i f
he was t al k i ng t o hi ms el f . Howev er , af t er a f ew s ec onds of s i l enc e, I
dec i ded t hat was t he onl y ans wer I was goi ng t o get .
I s i ghed, s c owl i ng at t he bl ac k boar d.
" Am I annoy i ng y ou?" he as k ed. He s ounded amus ed.
I gl anc ed at hi m wi t hout t hi nk i ng… and t ol d t he t r ut h agai n. " Not
ex ac t l y . I ' m mor e annoy ed at my s el f . My f ac e i s s o eas y t o r ead — my
mot her al way s c al l s me her open book . " I f r owned.
" On t he c ont r ar y , I f i nd y ou v er y di f f i c ul t t o r ead. " Des pi t e ev er y t hi ng
t hat I ' d s ai d and he' d gues s ed, he s ounded l i k e he meant i t .
" You mus t be a good r eader t hen, " I r epl i ed.
" Us ual l y . " He s mi l ed wi del y , f l ashi ng a s et of per f ec t , ul t r awhi t e t eet h.
Mr . Banner c al l ed t he c l as s t o or der t hen, and I t ur ned wi t h r el i ef t o
l i s t en. I was i n di s bel i ef t hat I ' d j us t ex pl ai ned my dr ear y l i f e t o t hi s
bi z ar r e, beaut i f ul boy who may or may not des pi s e me. He' d s eemed
engr os s ed i n our c onv er s at i on, but now I c oul d s ee, f r om t he c or ner of my
ey e, t hat he was l eani ng away f r om me agai n, hi s hands gr i ppi ng t he edge
of t he t abl e wi t h unmi s t ak abl e t ens i on.
I t r i ed t o appear at t ent i v e as Mr . Banner i l l us t r at ed, wi t h
t r ans par enc i es on t he ov er head pr oj ec t or , what I had s een wi t hout
di f f i c ul t y t hr ough t he mi c r os c ope. But my t hought s wer e unmanageabl e.
When t he bel l f i nal l y r ang, Edwar d r us hed as s wi f t l y and as gr ac ef ul l y
f r om t he r oom as he had l as t Monday . And, l i k e l as t Monday , I s t ar ed
af t er hi m i n amaz ement .
Mi k e s k i pped qui c k l y t o my s i de and pi c k ed up my book s f or me. I i magi ned
hi m wi t h a waggi ng t ai l .
" That was awf ul , " he gr oaned. " They al l l ook ed ex ac t l y t he s ame. You' r e
l uc k y y ou had Cul l en f or a par t ner . "
" I di dn' t hav e any t r oubl e wi t h i t , " I s ai d, s t ung by hi s as s umpt i on. I
r egr et t ed t he s nub i ns t ant l y . " I ' v e done t he l ab bef or e, t hough, " I added
bef or e he c oul d get hi s f eel i ngs hur t .
" Cul l en s eemed f r i endl y enough t oday , " he c omment ed as we s hr ugged i nt o
our r ai nc oat s . He di dn' t s eem pl eas ed about i t .
I t r i ed t o s ound i ndi f f er ent . " I wonder what was wi t h hi m l as t Monday . "
I c oul dn' t c onc ent r at e on Mi k e' s c hat t er as we wal k ed t o Gy m, and RE.
di dn' t do muc h t o hol d my at t ent i on, ei t her . Mi k e was on my t eam t oday .
He c hi v al r ous l y c ov er ed my pos i t i on as wel l as hi s own, s o my
wool gat her i ng was onl y i nt er r upt ed when i t was my t ur n t o s er v e; my t eam
duc k ed war i l y out of t he way ev er y t i me I was up.
The r ai n was j us t a mi s t as I wal k ed t o t he par k i ng l ot , but I was
happi er when I was i n t he dr y c ab. I got t he heat er r unni ng, f or onc e not
c ar i ng about t he mi nd- numbi ng r oar of t he engi ne. I unz i pped my j ac k et ,
put t he hood down, and f l uf f ed my damp hai r out s o t he heat er c oul d dr y
i t on t he way home.
I l ook ed ar ound me t o mak e s ur e i t was c l ear . That ' s when I not i c ed t he
s t i l l , whi t e f i gur e. Edwar d Cul l en was l eani ng agai ns t t he f r ont door of
t he Vol v o, t hr ee c ar s down f r om me, and s t ar i ng i nt ent l y i n my di r ec t i on.
I s wi f t l y l ook ed away and t hr ew t he t r uc k i nt o r ev er s e, al mos t hi t t i ng a
r us t y Toy ot a Cor ol l a i n my has t e. Luc k y f or t he Toy ot a, I s t omped on t he
br ak e i n t i me. I t was j us t t he s or t of c ar t hat my t r uc k woul d make s c r ap
met al of . I t ook a deep br eat h, st i l l l ook i ng out t he ot her s i de of my
c ar , and c aut i ous l y pul l ed out agai n, wi t h gr eat er s uc c es s . I s t ar ed
s t r ai ght ahead as I pas s ed t he Vol v o, but f r om a per i pher al peek , I woul d
s wear I s aw hi m l aughi ng.
===========================================================================

3. PHENOMENON
When I opened my ey es i n t he mor ni ng, s omet hi ng was di f f er ent .
I t was t he l i ght . I t was s t i l l t he gr ay - gr een l i ght of a c l oudy day i n
t he f or es t , but i t was c l ear er s omehow. I r eal i z ed t her e was no f og
v ei l i ng my wi ndow.
I j umped up t o l ook out s i de, and t hen gr oaned i n hor r or .
A f i ne l ay er of s now c ov er ed t he y ar d, dus t ed t he t op of my t r uc k , and
whi t ened t he r oad. But t hat was n' t t he wor s t par t . Al l t he r ai n f r om
y es t er day had f r oz en s ol i d — c oat i ng t he needl es on t he t r ees i n
f ant as t i c , gor geous pat t er ns , and mak i ng t he dr i v eway a deadl y i c e s l i c k .
I had enough t r oubl e not f al l i ng down when t he gr ound was dr y ; i t mi ght
be s af er f or me t o go bac k t o bed now.
Char l i e had l ef t f or wor k bef or e I got downs t ai r s . I n a l ot of ways ,
l i v i ng wi t h Char l i e was l i k e hav i ng my own pl ac e, and I f ound my s el f
r ev el i ng i n t he al onenes s i ns t ead of bei ng l onel y .
I t hr ew down a qui c k bowl of c er eal and s ome or ange j ui c e f r om t he
c ar t on. I f el t ex c i t ed t o go t o sc hool , and t hat s c ar ed me. I k new it
was n' t t he s t i mul at i ng l ear ni ng env i r onment I was ant i c i pat i ng, or s eei ng
my new s et of f r i ends . I f I was bei ng hones t wi t h my s el f , I k new I was
eager t o get t o s c hool bec aus e I woul d s ee Edwar d Cul l en. And t hat was
v er y , v er y s t upi d.
I s houl d be av oi di ng hi m ent i r el y af t er my br ai nl es s and embar r as si ng
babbl i ng y es t er day . And I was s uspi c i ous of hi m; why s houl d he l i e about
hi s ey es ? I was s t i l l f r i ght ened of t he hos t i l i t y I s omet i mes f el t
emanat i ng f r om hi m, and I was s t i l l t ongue- t i ed whenev er I pi c t ur ed hi s
per f ec t f ac e. I was wel l awar e t hat my l eague and hi s l eague wer e s pher es
t hat di d not t ouc h. So I s houl dn' t be at al l anx i ous t o s ee hi m t oday .
I t t ook ev er y ounc e of my c onc ent r at i on t o mak e i t down t he i c y br i c k
dr i v eway al i v e. I al mos t l os t my bal anc e when I f i nal l y got t o t he t r uc k ,
but I managed t o c l i ng t o t he s i de mi r r or and s av e my s el f . Cl ear l y, t oday
was goi ng t o be ni ght mar i s h.
Dr i v i ng t o s c hool , I di s t r ac t ed my s el f f r om my f ear of f al l i ng and my
unwant ed s pec ul at i ons about Edwar d Cul l en by t hi nk i ng about Mi k e and
Er i c , and t he obv i ous di f f er enc e i n how t eenage boy s r es ponded t o me
her e. I was s ur e I l ook ed ex ac t l y t he s ame as I had i n Phoeni x . May be i t
was j us t t hat t he boy s bac k home had wat c hed me pas s s l owl y t hr ough al l
t he awk war d phas es of adol es c enc e and s t i l l t hought of me t hat way.
Per haps i t was bec aus e I was a nov el t y her e, wher e nov el t i es wer e f ew and
f ar bet ween. Pos s i bl y my c r i ppl i ng c l ums i nes s was s een as endear i ng
r at her t han pat het i c , c as t i ng me as a dams el i n di s t r es s . What ev er t he
r eas on, Mi k e' s puppy dog behav i or and Er i c ' s appar ent r i v al r y wi t h hi m
wer e di s c onc er t i ng. I was n' t s ur e i f I di dn' t pr ef er bei ng i gnor ed.
My t r uc k s eemed t o hav e no pr obl em wi t h t he bl ac k i c e t hat c ov er ed t he
r oads . I dr ov e v er y s l owl y , t hough, not want i ng t o c ar v e a pat h of
des t r uc t i on t hr ough Mai n St r eet .
When I got out of my t r uc k at s c hool , I s aw why I ' d had s o l i t t l e
t r oubl e. Somet hi ng s i l v er c aught my ey e, and I wal k ed t o t he bac k of t he
t r uc k — c ar ef ul l y hol di ng t he s i de f or s uppor t — t o ex ami ne my t i r es .
Ther e wer e t hi n c hai ns c r i s s c r os sed i n di amond s hapes ar ound t hem.
Char l i e had got t en up who k nows how ear l y t o put s now c hai ns on my t r uc k .
My t hr oat s uddenl y f el t t i ght . I was n' t us ed t o bei ng t ak en c ar e of , and
Char l i e' s uns pok en c onc er n c aught me by s ur pr i s e.
I was s t andi ng by t he bac k c or ner of t he t r uc k , s t r uggl i ng t o f i ght bac k
t he s udden wav e of emot i on t he s now c hai ns had br ought on, when I hear d
an odd s ound.
I t was a hi gh- pi t c hed s c r eec h, and i t was f as t bec omi ng pai nf ul l y l oud. I
l ook ed up, s t ar t l ed.
I s aw s ev er al t hi ngs s i mul t aneousl y . Not hi ng was mov i ng i n s l ow mot i on,
t he way i t does i n t he mov i es . I ns t ead, t he adr enal i ne r us h s eemed t o
mak e my br ai n wor k muc h f as t er , and I was abl e t o abs or b i n c l ear det ai l
s ev er al t hi ngs at onc e.
Edwar d Cul l en was s t andi ng f our car s down f r om me, s t ar i ng at me i n
hor r or . Hi s f ac e s t ood out f r om a s ea of f ac es , al l f r oz en i n t he s ame
mas k of s hoc k . But of mor e i mmedi at e i mpor t anc e was t he dar k bl ue v an
t hat was s k i ddi ng, t i r es l oc k ed and s queal i ng agai ns t t he br ak es ,
s pi nni ng wi l dl y ac r os s t he i c e of t he par k i ng l ot . I t was goi ng t o hi t
t he bac k c or ner of my t r uc k , and I was s t andi ng bet ween t hem. I di dn' t
ev en hav e t i me t o c l os e my ey es .
J us t bef or e I hear d t he s hat t er i ng c r unc h of t he v an f ol di ng ar ound t he
t r uc k bed, s omet hi ng hi t me, har d, but not f r om t he di r ec t i on I was
ex pec t i ng. My head c r ac k ed agai nst t he i c y bl ac k t op, and I f el t s omet hi ng
s ol i d and c ol d pi nni ng me t o t he gr ound. I was l y i ng on t he pav ement
behi nd t he t an c ar I ' d par k ed next t o. But I di dn' t hav e a c hanc e t o
not i c e any t hi ng el s e, bec aus e t he v an was s t i l l c omi ng. I t had c ur l ed
gr at i ngl y ar ound t he end of t he t r uc k and, s t i l l s pi nni ng and s l i di ng,
was about t o c ol l i de wi t h me agai n.
A l ow oat h made me awar e t hat s omeone was wi t h me, and t he v oi c e was
i mpos s i bl e not t o r ec ogni z e. Two l ong, whi t e hands s hot out pr ot ect i v el y
i n f r ont of me, and t he v an s hudder ed t o a s t op a f oot f r om my f ace, t he
l ar ge hands f i t t i ng pr ov i dent i al l y i nt o a deep dent in t he s i de of t he
v an' s body .
Then hi s hands mov ed s o f as t t hey bl ur r ed. One was s uddenl y gr i ppi ng
under t he body of t he v an, and s omet hi ng was dr aggi ng me, s wi ngi ng my
l egs ar ound l i k e a r ag dol l ' s , t i l l t hey hi t t he t i r e of t he t an car . A
gr oani ng met al l i c t hud hur t my ear s , and t he v an s et t l ed, gl as s poppi ng,
ont o t he as phal t — ex ac t l y wher e, a s ec ond ago, my l egs had been.
I t was abs ol ut el y s i l ent f or one l ong s ec ond bef or e t he s c r eami ng began.
I n t he abr upt bedl am, I c oul d hear mor e t han one per s on s hout i ng my name.
But mor e c l ear l y t han al l t he y el l i ng, I c oul d hear Edwar d Cul l en' s l ow,
f r ant i c v oi c e i n my ear .
" Bel l a? Ar e y ou al l r i ght ?"
" I ' m f i ne. " My v oi c e s ounded s t r ange. I t r i ed t o s i t up, and r eal i z ed he
was hol di ng me agai ns t t he s i de of hi s body i n an i r on gr as p.
" Be c ar ef ul , " he war ned as I s t r uggl ed. " I t hi nk y ou hi t y our head pr et t y
har d. "
I bec ame awar e of a t hr obbi ng ac he c ent er ed abov e my l ef t ear .
" Ow, " I s ai d, s ur pr i s ed.
" That ' s what I t hought . " Hi s v oi ce, amaz i ngl y , s ounded l i k e he was
s uppr es s i ng l aught er .
" How i n t he…" I t r ai l ed of f , t r y i ng t o c l ear my head, get my bear i ngs .
" How di d y ou get ov er her e s o f ast ?"
" I was s t andi ng r i ght nex t t o y ou, Bel l a, " he s ai d, hi s t one s er i ous
agai n.
I t ur ned t o s i t up, and t hi s t i me he l et me, r el eas i ng hi s hol d ar ound my
wai s t and sl i di ng as f ar f r om me as he c oul d i n t he l i mi t ed s pac e. I
l ook ed at hi s c onc er ned, i nnoc ent ex pr es s i on and was di s or i ent ed agai n by
t he f or c e of hi s gol d- c ol or ed ey es . What was I as k i ng hi m?
And t hen t hey f ound us , a c r owd of peopl e wi t h t ear s s t r eami ng down t hei r
f ac es , s hout i ng at eac h ot her , s hout i ng at us .
" Don' t mov e, " s omeone i ns t r uc t ed.
" Get Ty l er out of t he v an! " s omeone el s e s hout ed.
Ther e was a f l ur r y of ac t i v i t y ar ound us . I t r i ed t o get up, but Edwar d' s
c ol d hand pus hed my s houl der down.
" J us t s t ay put f or now. "
" But i t ' s c ol d, " I c ompl ai ned. I t s ur pr i s ed me when he c huc k l ed under hi s
br eat h. Ther e was an edge t o t he s ound.
" You wer e ov er t her e, " I s uddenl y r emember ed, and hi s c huc k l e s t opped
s hor t . " You wer e by y our c ar . "
Hi s ex pr es s i on t ur ned har d. " No, I was n' t . "
" I s aw y ou. " Al l ar ound us was c haos . I c oul d hear t he gr uf f er v oi c es of
adul t s ar r i v i ng on t he s c ene. But I obs t i nat el y hel d on t o our ar gument ;
I was r i ght , and he was goi ng t o admi t i t .
" Bel l a, I was s t andi ng wi t h y ou, and I pul l ed y ou out of t he way . " He
unl eas hed t he f ul l , dev as t at i ng power of hi s ey es on me, as i f t r yi ng t o
c ommuni c at e s omet hi ng c r uc i al .
" No. " I s et my j aw.
The gol d i n hi s ey es bl az ed. " Pl eas e, Bel l a. "
" Why ?" I demanded.
" Tr us t me, " he pl eaded, hi s s of t v oi c e ov er whel mi ng.
I c oul d hear t he s i r ens now. " Wi l l y ou pr omi s e t o ex pl ai n ev er y t hi ng t o
me l at er ?"
" Fi ne, " he s napped, abr upt l y ex asper at ed.
" Fi ne, " I r epeat ed angr i l y .
I t t ook s i x EMTs and t wo t eac her s — Mr . Var ner and Coac h Cl app — t o s hi f t
t he v an f ar enough away f r om us t o br i ng t he s t r et c her s i n. Edwar d
v ehement l y r ef us ed hi s , and I t r i ed t o do t he s ame, but t he t r ai t or t ol d
t hem I ' d hi t my head and pr obabl y had a c onc us s i on. I al mos t di ed of
humi l i at i on when t hey put on t he nec k br ac e. I t l ook ed l i k e t he ent i re
s c hool was t her e, wat c hi ng s ober l y as t hey l oaded me i n t he bac k of t he
ambul anc e. Edwar d got t o r i de i n t he f r ont . I t was maddeni ng.
To mak e mat t er s wor s e, Chi ef Swan ar r i v ed bef or e t hey c oul d get me s af el y
away .
" Bel l a! " he y el l ed i n pani c when he r ec ogni z ed me on t he s t r et c her .
" I ' m c ompl et el y f i ne, Char — Dad, " I s i ghed. " Ther e' s not hi ng wr ong wi t h
me. "
He t ur ned t o t he c l os es t EMT f or a s ec ond opi ni on. I t uned hi m out t o
c ons i der t he j umbl e of i nex pl i c abl e i mages c hur ni ng c haot i c al l y i n my
head. When t hey ' d l i f t ed me away f r om t he c ar , I had s een t he deep dent
i n t he t an c ar ' s bumper — a v er y di s t i nc t dent t hat f i t t he c ont our s of
Edwar d' s s houl der s … as i f he had br ac ed hi ms el f agai ns t t he c ar wi t h
enough f or c e t o damage t he met al f r ame…
And t hen t her e was hi s f ami l y , l ook i ng on f r om t he di s t anc e, wi t h
ex pr es s i ons t hat r anged f r om di s appr ov al t o f ur y but hel d no hi nt of
c onc er n f or t hei r br ot her ' s s af et y .
I t r i ed t o t hi nk of a l ogi c al s ol ut i on t hat c oul d ex pl ai n what I had j us t
s een — a s ol ut i on t hat ex c l uded t he as s umpt i on t hat I was i ns ane.
Nat ur al l y , t he ambul anc e got a pol i c e es c or t t o t he c ount y hos pi t al . I
f el t r i di c ul ous t he whol e t i me t hey wer e unl oadi ng me. What made i t wor s e
was t hat Edwar d s i mpl y gl i ded t hr ough t he hos pi t al door s under hi s own
power . I gr ound my t eet h t oget her .
They put me i n t he emer genc y r oom, a l ong r oom wi t h a l i ne of beds
s epar at ed by pas t el - pat t er ned c ur t ai ns . A nur s e put a pr es s ur e c uf f on my
ar m and a t her momet er under my t ongue. Si nc e no one bot her ed pul l i ng t he
c ur t ai n ar ound t o gi v e me s ome pr i v ac y , I dec i ded I was n' t obl i gat ed t o
wear t he s t upi d- l ook i ng nec k br ace any mor e. When t he nur s e wal k ed away , I
qui c k l y unf as t ened t he Vel c r o and t hr ew i t under t he bed.
Ther e was anot her f l ur r y of hos pi t al per s onnel , anot her s t r et c her br ought
t o t he bed nex t t o me. I r ec ogni zed Ty l er Cr owl ey f r om my Gov er nment
c l as s beneat h t he bl oods t ai ned bandages wr apped t i ght l y ar ound hi s head.
Ty l er l ook ed a hundr ed t i mes wor se t han I f el t . But he was s t ar i ng
anx i ous l y at me.
" Bel l a, I ' m s o s or r y ! "
" I ' m f i ne, Ty l er — y ou l ook awf ul , ar e y ou al l r i ght ?" As we s pok e,
nur s es began unwi ndi ng hi s s oi l ed bandages , ex pos i ng a my r i ad of shal l ow
s l i c es al l ov er hi s f or ehead and l ef t c heek .
He i gnor ed me. " I t hought I was goi ng t o k i l l y ou! I was goi ng t oo f as t ,
and I hi t t he i c e wr ong…" He wi nced as one nur s e s t ar t ed dabbi ng at hi s
f ac e.
" Don' t wor r y about i t ; y ou mi s s ed me. "
" How di d y ou get out of t he way so f as t ? You wer e t her e, and t hen y ou
wer e gone…"
" Umm… Edwar d pul l ed me out of t he way . "
He l ook ed c onf us ed. " Who?"
" Edwar d Cul l en — he was s t andi ng nex t t o me. " I ' d al way s been a t er r i bl e
l i ar ; I di dn' t s ound c onv i nc i ng at al l .
" Cul l en? I di dn' t s ee hi m… wow, i t was al l s o f as t , I gues s . I s he ok ay ?"
" I t hi nk s o. He' s her e s omewher e, but t hey di dn' t mak e hi m us e a
s t r et c her . "
I k new I was n' t c r az y . What had happened? Ther e was no way t o ex pl ai n
away what I ' d s een.
They wheel ed me away t hen, t o X- r ay my head. I t ol d t hem t her e was
not hi ng wr ong, and I was r i ght . Not ev en a c onc us s i on. I as k ed i f I c oul d
l eav e, but t he nur s e s ai d I had t o t al k t o a doc t or f i r s t . So I was
t r apped i n t he ER, wai t i ng, har ass ed by Ty l er ' s c ons t ant apol ogi es and
pr omi s es t o mak e i t up t o me. No mat t er how many t i mes I t r i ed t o
c onv i nc e hi m I was f i ne, he c ont i nued t o t or ment hi ms el f . Fi nal l y , I
c l os ed my ey es and i gnor ed hi m. He k ept up a r emor s ef ul mumbl i ng.
" I s s he s l eepi ng?" a mus i c al v oi ce as k ed. My ey es f l ew open.
Edwar d was s t andi ng at t he f oot of my bed, s mi r k i ng. I gl ar ed at hi m. I t
was n' t eas y — i t woul d hav e been mor e nat ur al t o ogl e.
" Hey , Edwar d, I ' m r eal l y s or r y —" Ty l er began.
Edwar d l i f t ed a hand t o s t op hi m.
" No bl ood, no f oul , " he s ai d, f l as hi ng hi s br i l l i ant t eet h. He moved t o
s i t on t he edge of Ty l er ' s bed, f ac i ng me. He s mi r k ed agai n.
" So, what ' s t he v er di c t ?" he as k ed me.
" Ther e' s not hi ng wr ong wi t h me at al l , but t hey won' t l et me go, " I
c ompl ai ned. " How c ome y ou ar en' t s t r apped t o a gur ney l i k e t he r est of
us ?"
" I t ' s al l about who y ou k now, " he ans wer ed. " But don' t wor r y , I c ame t o
s pr i ng y ou. "
Then a doc t or wal k ed ar ound t he cor ner , and my mout h f el l open. He was
y oung, he was bl ond… and he was hands omer t han any mov i e s t ar I ' d ev er
s een. He was pal e, t hough, and t i r ed- l ook i ng, wi t h c i r c l es under hi s
ey es . Fr om Char l i e' s des c r i pt i on, t hi s had t o be Edwar d' s f at her .
" So, Mi s s Swan, " Dr . Cul l en s ai d i n a r emar k abl y appeal i ng v oi c e, " how
ar e y ou f eel i ng?"
" I ' m f i ne, " I s ai d, f or t he l as t t i me, I hoped.
He wal k ed t o t he l i ght boar d on t he wal l ov er my head, and t ur ned i t on.
" Your X- r ay s l ook good, " he s ai d. " Does y our head hur t ? Edwar d s ai d y ou
hi t i t pr et t y har d. "
" I t ' s f i ne, " I r epeat ed wi t h a s i gh, t hr owi ng a qui c k s c owl t owar d Edwar d.
The doc t or ' s c ool f i nger s pr obed l i ght l y al ong my s k ul l . He not i c ed when
I wi nc ed.
" Tender ?" he as k ed.
" Not r eal l y . " I ' d had wor s e.
I hear d a c huc k l e, and l ook ed ov er t o s ee Edwar d' s pat r oni z i ng s mi l e. My
ey es nar r owed.
" Wel l , y our f at her i s i n t he wai t i ng r oom — y ou c an go home wi t h hi m now.
But c ome bac k i f y ou f eel di z z y or hav e t r oubl e wi t h y our ey es i ght at
al l . "
" Can' t I go bac k t o s c hool ?" I ask ed, i magi ni ng Char l i e t r y i ng t o be
at t ent i v e.
" May be y ou s houl d t ak e i t eas y t oday . "
I gl anc ed at Edwar d. " Does he get t o go t o s c hool ?"
" Someone has t o s pr ead t he good news t hat we s ur v i v ed, " Edwar d s ai d
s mugl y .
" Ac t ual l y , " Dr . Cul l en c or r ec t ed, " mos t of t he s c hool s eems t o be i n t he
wai t i ng r oom. "
" Oh no, " I moaned, c ov er i ng my f ac e wi t h my hands .
Dr . Cul l en r ai s ed hi s ey ebr ows . " Do y ou want t o s t ay ?"
" No, no! " I i ns i s t ed, t hr owi ng my l egs ov er t he s i de of t he bed and
hoppi ng down qui c k l y . Too qui c k l y — I s t agger ed, and Dr . Cul l en c aught
me. He l ook ed c onc er ned.
" I ' m f i ne, " I as s ur ed hi m agai n. No need t o t el l hi m my bal anc e pr obl ems
had not hi ng t o do wi t h hi t t i ng my head.
" Tak e s ome Ty l enol f or t he pai n, " he s ugges t ed as he s t eadi ed me.
" I t does n' t hur t t hat bad, " I i nsi s t ed.
" I t s ounds l i k e y ou wer e ex t r emel y l uc k y , " Dr . Cul l en s ai d, s mi l i ng as he
s i gned my c har t wi t h a f l our i s h.
" Luc k y Edwar d happened t o be s t andi ng nex t t o me, " I amended wi t h a har d
gl anc e at t he s ubj ec t of my s t at ement .
" Oh, wel l , y es , " Dr . Cul l en agr eed, s uddenl y oc c upi ed wi t h t he paper s i n
f r ont of hi m. Then he l ook ed away, at Ty l er , and wal k ed t o t he next bed.
My i nt ui t i on f l i c k er ed; t he doc t or was i n on i t .
" I ' m af r ai d t hat y ou' l l hav e t o st ay wi t h us j us t a l i t t l e bi t l onger , "
he s ai d t o Ty l er , and began c hec ki ng hi s c ut s .
As s oon as t he doc t or ' s bac k was t ur ned, I mov ed t o Edwar d' s s i de.
" Can I t al k t o y ou f or a mi nut e?" I hi s s ed under my br eat h. He t ook a
s t ep bac k f r om me, hi s j aw s uddenl y c l enc hed.
" Your f at her i s wai t i ng f or y ou, " he s ai d t hr ough hi s t eet h.
I gl anc ed at Dr . Cul l en and Ty l er .
" I ' d l i k e t o s peak wi t h y ou al one, i f y ou don' t mi nd, " I pr es s ed.
He gl ar ed, and t hen t ur ned hi s bac k and s t r ode down t he l ong r oom. I
near l y had t o r un t o k eep up. As s oon as we t ur ned t he c or ner i nt o a
s hor t hal l way , he s pun ar ound t o f ac e me.
" What do y ou want ?" he as k ed, s oundi ng annoy ed. Hi s ey es wer e c ol d.
Hi s unf r i endl i nes s i nt i mi dat ed me. My wor ds c ame out wi t h l es s s ever i t y
t han I ' d i nt ended. " You owe me an ex pl anat i on, " I r emi nded hi m.
" I s av ed y our l i f e — I don' t owe y ou any t hi ng. "
I f l i nc hed bac k f r om t he r es ent ment i n hi s v oi c e. " You pr omi s ed. "
" Bel l a, y ou hi t y our head, y ou don' t k now what y ou' r e t al k i ng about . " Hi s
t one was c ut t i ng.
My t emper f l ar ed now, and I gl ar ed def i ant l y at hi m. " Ther e' s not hi ng
wr ong wi t h my head. "
He gl ar ed bac k . " What do y ou want f r om me, Bel l a?"
" I want t o k now t he t r ut h, " I s ai d. " I want t o k now why I ' m l y i ng f or
y ou. "
" What do y ou t hi nk happened?" he s napped.
I t c ame out i n a r us h.
" Al l I k now i s t hat y ou wer en' t any wher e near me — Ty l er di dn' t s ee y ou,
ei t her , s o don' t t el l me I hi t my head t oo har d. That v an was goi ng t o
c r us h us bot h — and i t di dn' t , and y our hands l ef t dent s i n t he s i de of
i t — and y ou l ef t a dent i n t he ot her c ar , and y ou' r e not hur t at al l —
and t he v an s houl d hav e s mas hed my l egs , but y ou wer e hol di ng i t up…" I
c oul d hear how c r az y i t s ounded, and I c oul dn' t c ont i nue. I was s o mad I
c oul d f eel t he t ear s c omi ng; I t r i ed t o f or c e t hem bac k by gr i ndi ng my
t eet h t oget her .
He was s t ar i ng at me i nc r edul ous l y . But hi s f ac e was t ens e, def ensi v e.
" You t hi nk I l i f t ed a v an of f y ou?" Hi s t one ques t i oned my s ani t y , but i t
onl y made me mor e s us pi c i ous . I t was l i k e a per f ec t l y del i v er ed l i ne by a
s k i l l ed ac t or .
I mer el y nodded onc e, j aw t i ght .
" Nobody wi l l bel i ev e t hat , y ou k now. " Hi s v oi c e hel d an edge of der i s i on
now.
" I ' m not goi ng t o t el l any body . " I s ai d eac h wor d s l owl y , c ar ef ul l y
c ont r ol l i ng my anger .
Sur pr i s e f l i t t ed ac r os s hi s f ac e. " Then why does i t mat t er ?"
" I t mat t er s t o me, " I i ns i s t ed. " I don' t l i k e t o l i e — s o t her e' d bet t er
be a good r eas on why I ' m doi ng i t . "
" Can' t y ou j us t t hank me and get ov er i t ?"
" Thank y ou. " I wai t ed, f umi ng and ex pec t ant .
" You' r e not goi ng t o l et i t go, ar e y ou?"
" No. "
" I n t hat c as e… I hope y ou enj oy di s appoi nt ment . "
We s c owl ed at eac h ot her i n s i l enc e. I was t he f i r s t t o s peak , t r yi ng t o
k eep my s el f f oc us ed. I was i n danger of bei ng di s t r ac t ed by hi s l i v i d,
gl or i ous f ac e. I t was l i k e t r y i ng t o s t ar e down a des t r oy i ng angel .
" Why di d y ou ev en bot her ?" I as k ed f r i gi dl y .
He paus ed, and f or a br i ef moment hi s s t unni ng f ac e was unex pec t edl y
v ul ner abl e.
" I don' t k now, " he whi s per ed.
And t hen he t ur ned hi s bac k on me and wal k ed away .
I was s o angr y , i t t ook me a f ew mi nut es unt i l I c oul d mov e. When I c oul d
wal k , I made my way s l owl y t o t he ex i t at t he end of t he hal l way .
The wai t i ng r oom was mor e unpl easant t han I ' d f ear ed. I t s eemed l i k e
ev er y f ac e I k new i n For k s was t her e, s t ar i ng at me. Char l i e r us hed t o my
s i de; I put up my hands .
" Ther e' s not hi ng wr ong wi t h me, " I as s ur ed hi m s ul l enl y . I was s t i l l
aggr av at ed, not i n t he mood f or chi t c hat .
" What di d t he doc t or s ay ?"
" Dr . Cul l en s aw me, and he s ai d I was f i ne and I c oul d go home. " I
s i ghed. Mi k e and J es s i c a and Er i c wer e al l t her e, begi nni ng t o c onv er ge
on us . " Let ' s go, " I ur ged.
Char l i e put one ar m behi nd my back , not qui t e t ouc hi ng me, and l ed me t o
t he gl as s door s of t he ex i t . I wav ed s heepi s hl y at my f r i ends , hopi ng t o
c onv ey t hat t hey di dn' t need t o wor r y any mor e. I t was a huge r el i ef — t he
f i r s t t i me I ' d ev er f el t t hat way — t o get i nt o t he c r ui s er .
We dr ov e i n s i l enc e. I was s o wr apped up i n my t hought s t hat I bar el y
k new Char l i e was t her e. I was posi t i v e t hat Edwar d' s def ens i v e behav i or
i n t he hal l was a c onf i r mat i on of t he bi z ar r e t hi ngs I s t i l l c oul d har dl y
bel i ev e I ' d wi t nes s ed.
When we got t o t he hous e, Char l i e f i nal l y s pok e.
" Um… y ou' l l need t o c al l Renée. " He hung hi s head, gui l t y .
I was appal l ed. " You t ol d Mom! "
" Sor r y . "
I s l ammed t he c r ui s er ' s door a l i t t l e har der t han nec es s ar y on my way out .
My mom was i n hy s t er i c s , of c our se. I had t o t el l her I f el t f i ne at
l eas t t hi r t y t i mes bef or e s he woul d c al m down. She begged me t o c ome home
— f or get t i ng t he f ac t t hat home was empt y at t he moment — but her pl eas
wer e eas i er t o r es i s t t han I woul d hav e t hought . I was c ons umed by t he
my s t er y Edwar d pr es ent ed. And mor e t han a l i t t l e obs es s ed by Edwar d
hi ms el f . St upi d, s t upi d, s t upi d. I was n' t as eager t o es c ape For k s as I
s houl d be, as any nor mal , s ane per s on woul d be.
I dec i ded I mi ght as wel l go t o bed ear l y t hat ni ght . Char l i e c ont i nued
t o wat c h me anx i ous l y , and i t was get t i ng on my ner v es . I s t opped on my
way t o gr ab t hr ee Ty l enol f r om t he bat hr oom. They di d hel p, and, as t he
pai n eas ed, I dr i f t ed t o s l eep.
That was t he f i r s t ni ght I dr eamed of Edwar d Cul l en.
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4. I NVI TATI ONS

I n my dr eam i t was v er y dar k , and what di m l i ght t her e was s eemed t o be
r adi at i ng f r om Edwar d' s s k i n. I coul dn' t s ee hi s f ac e, j us t hi s bac k as
he wal k ed away f r om me, l eav i ng me i n t he bl ac k nes s . No mat t er how f as t I
r an, I c oul dn' t c at c h up t o hi m; no mat t er how l oud I c al l ed, he nev er
t ur ned. Tr oubl ed, I wok e i n t he mi ddl e of t he ni ght and c oul dn' t sl eep
agai n f or what s eemed l i k e a v er y l ong t i me. Af t er t hat , he was i n my
dr eams near l y ev er y ni ght , but al way s on t he per i pher y , nev er wi t hi n
r eac h.
The mont h t hat f ol l owed t he ac c i dent was uneas y , t ens e, and, at f i r s t ,
embar r as s i ng.
To my di s may , I f ound my s el f t he c ent er of at t ent i on f or t he r es t of t hat
week . Ty l er Cr owl ey was i mpos s i bl e, f ol l owi ng me ar ound, obs es s ed wi t h
mak i ng amends t o me s omehow. I t r i ed t o c onv i nc e hi m what I want ed mor e
t han any t hi ng el s e was f or hi m t o f or get al l about i t — es pec i al l y s i nc e
not hi ng had ac t ual l y happened t o me — but he r emai ned i ns i s t ent . He
f ol l owed me bet ween c l as s es and sat at our now- c r owded l unc h t abl e. Mi k e
and Er i c wer e ev en l es s f r i endl y t owar d hi m t han t hey wer e t o eac h ot her ,
whi c h made me wor r y t hat I ' d gai ned anot her unwel c ome f an.
No one s eemed c onc er ned about Edwar d, t hough I ex pl ai ned ov er and ov er
t hat he was t he her o — how he had pul l ed me out of t he way and had near l y
been c r us hed, t oo. I t r i ed t o be c onv i nc i ng. J es s i c a, Mi k e, Er i c , and
ev er y one el s e al way s c omment ed t hat t hey hadn' t ev en s een hi m t her e t i l l
t he v an was pul l ed away .
I wonder ed t o my s el f why no one el s e had s een hi m s t andi ng s o f ar away ,
bef or e he was s uddenl y , i mpos s i bl y s av i ng my l i f e. Wi t h c hagr i n, I
r eal i z ed t he pr obabl e c aus e — no one el s e was as awar e of Edwar d as I
al way s was . No one el s e wat c hed hi m t he way I di d. How pi t i f ul .
Edwar d was nev er s ur r ounded by c r owds of c ur i ous by s t ander s eager f or hi s
f i r s t hand ac c ount . Peopl e av oi ded hi m as us ual . The Cul l ens and t he Hal es
s at at t he s ame t abl e as al way s , not eat i ng, t al k i ng onl y among
t hems el v es . None of t hem, es pec i al l y Edwar d, gl anc ed my way any mor e.
When he s at nex t t o me i n c l as s , as f ar f r om me as t he t abl e woul d al l ow,
he s eemed t ot al l y unawar e of my pr es enc e. Onl y now and t hen, when hi s
f i s t s woul d s uddenl y bal l up — s ki n s t r et c hed ev en whi t er ov er t he bones
— di d I wonder i f he was n' t qui t e as obl i v i ous as he appear ed.
He wi s hed he hadn' t pul l ed me f r om t he pat h of Ty l er ' s v an — t her e was no
ot her c onc l us i on I c oul d c ome t o.
I want ed v er y muc h t o t al k t o hi m, and t he day af t er t he ac c i dent I
t r i ed. The l as t t i me I ' d s een hi m, out s i de t he ER, we' d bot h been s o
f ur i ous . I s t i l l was angr y t hat he woul dn' t t r us t me wi t h t he t r ut h, ev en
t hough I was k eepi ng my par t of t he bar gai n f l awl es s l y . But he had i n
f ac t s av ed my l i f e, no mat t er how he' d done i t . And, ov er ni ght , t he heat
of my anger f aded i nt o awed gr at i t ude.
He was al r eady s eat ed when I got t o Bi ol ogy , l ook i ng s t r ai ght ahead. I
s at down, ex pec t i ng hi m t o t ur n t owar d me. He s howed no s i gn t hat he
r eal i z ed I was t her e.
" Hel l o, Edwar d, " I s ai d pl eas ant l y , t o s how hi m I was goi ng t o behav e
my s el f .
He t ur ned hi s head a f r ac t i on t owar d me wi t hout meet i ng my gaz e, nodded
onc e, and t hen l ook ed t he ot her way .
And t hat was t he l as t c ont ac t I ' d had wi t h hi m, t hough he was t her e, a
f oot away f r om me, ev er y day . I wat c hed hi m s omet i mes , unabl e t o st op
my s el f — f r om a di s t anc e, t hough, i n t he c af et er i a or par k i ng l ot . I
wat c hed as hi s gol den ey es gr ew per c ept i bl y dar k er day by day . But i n
c l as s I gav e no mor e not i c e t hat he ex i s t ed t han he s howed t owar d me. I
was mi s er abl e. And t he dr eams c ont i nued.
Des pi t e my out r i ght l i es , t he t enor of my e- mai l s al er t ed Renée t o my
depr es s i on, and s he c al l ed a f ew t i mes , wor r i ed. I t r i ed t o c onv i nc e her
i t was j us t t he weat her t hat had me down.
Mi k e, at l eas t , was pl eas ed by t he obv i ous c ool nes s bet ween me and my l ab
par t ner . I c oul d s ee he' d been wor r i ed t hat Edwar d' s dar i ng r es c ue mi ght
hav e i mpr es s ed me, and he was r el i ev ed t hat i t s eemed t o hav e t he
oppos i t e ef f ec t . He gr ew mor e c onf i dent , s i t t i ng on t he edge of my t abl e
t o t al k bef or e Bi ol ogy c l as s s t ar t ed, i gnor i ng Edwar d as c ompl et el y as he
i gnor ed us .
The s now was hed away f or good af t er t hat one danger ous l y i c y day . Mi k e
was di s appoi nt ed he' d nev er got t en t o s t age hi s s nowbal l f i ght , but
pl eas ed t hat t he beac h t r i p woul d s oon be pos s i bl e. The r ai n c ont i nued
heav i l y , t hough, and t he week s pas s ed.
J es s i c a made me awar e of anot her ev ent l oomi ng on t he hor i z on — s he
c al l ed t he f i r s t Tues day of Mar c h t o as k my per mi s s i on t o i nv i t e Mi k e t o
t he gi r l s ' c hoi c e s pr i ng danc e i n t wo week s .
" Ar e y ou s ur e y ou don' t mi nd… y ou wer en' t pl anni ng t o as k hi m?" s he
per s i s t ed when I t ol d her I di dn' t mi nd i n t he l eas t .
" No, J es s , I ' m not goi ng, " I as s ur ed her . Danc i ng was gl ar i ngl y out s i de
my r ange of abi l i t i es .
" I t wi l l be r eal l y f un. " Her at t empt t o c onv i nc e me was hal f hear t ed. I
s us pec t ed t hat J es s i c a enj oy ed my i nex pl i c abl e popul ar i t y mor e t han my
ac t ual c ompany .
" You hav e f un wi t h Mi k e, " I enc our aged.
The nex t day , I was s ur pr i s ed t hat J es s i c a was n' t her us ual gus hi ng s el f
i n Tr i g and Spani s h. She was s i l ent as s he wal k ed by my s i de bet ween
c l as s es , and I was af r ai d t o as k her why . I f Mi k e had t ur ned her down, I
was t he l as t per s on s he woul d want t o t el l .
My f ear s wer e s t r engt hened dur i ng l unc h when J es s i c a s at as f ar f r om Mi k e
as pos s i bl e, c hat t i ng ani mat edl y wi t h Er i c . Mi k e was unus ual l y qui et .
Mi k e was s t i l l qui et as he wal k ed me t o c l as s , t he unc omf or t abl e l ook on
hi s f ac e a bad s i gn. But he di dn' t br oac h t he s ubj ec t unt i l I was i n my
s eat and he was per c hed on my desk . As al way s , I was el ec t r i c al l y awar e
of Edwar d s i t t i ng c l os e enough t o t ouc h, as di s t ant as i f he wer e mer el y
an i nv ent i on of my i magi nat i on.
" So, " Mi k e s ai d, l ook i ng at t he f l oor , " J es s i c a as k ed me t o t he s pr i ng
danc e. "
" That ' s gr eat . " I made my v oi c e br i ght and ent hus i as t i c . " You' l l hav e a
l ot of f un wi t h J es s i c a. "
" Wel l …" He f l ounder ed as he ex ami ned my s mi l e, c l ear l y not happy wi t h my
r es pons e. " I t ol d her I had t o t hi nk about i t . "
" Why woul d y ou do t hat ?" I l et di s appr ov al c ol or my t one, t hough I was
r el i ev ed he hadn' t gi v en her an abs ol ut e no.
Hi s f ac e was br i ght r ed as he l ook ed down agai n. Pi t y s hook my r esol v e.
" I was wonder i ng i f … wel l , i f y ou mi ght be pl anni ng t o as k me. "
I paus ed f or a moment , hat i ng t he wav e of gui l t t hat s wept t hr ough me.
But I s aw, f r om t he c or ner of my ey e, Edwar d' s head t i l t r ef l ex i v el y i n
my di r ec t i on.
" Mi k e, I t hi nk y ou s houl d t el l her y es , " I s ai d.
" Di d y ou al r eady as k s omeone?" Di d Edwar d not i c e how Mi k e' s ey es
f l i c k er ed i n hi s di r ec t i on?
" No, " I as s ur ed hi m. " I ' m not goi ng t o t he danc e at al l . "
" Why not ?" Mi k e demanded.
I di dn' t want t o get i nt o t he s af et y haz ar ds t hat danc i ng pr es ent ed, s o I
qui c k l y made new pl ans .
" I ' m goi ng t o Seat t l e t hat Sat ur day , " I ex pl ai ned. I needed t o get out of
t own any way — i t was s uddenl y t he per f ec t t i me t o go.
" Can' t y ou go s ome ot her week end?"
" Sor r y , no, " I s ai d. " So y ou s houl dn' t mak e J es s wai t any l onger — i t ' s
r ude. "
" Yeah, y ou' r e r i ght , " he mumbl ed, and t ur ned, dej ec t ed, t o wal k bac k t o
hi s s eat . I c l os ed my ey es and pr es s ed my f i nger s t o my t empl es , t r y i ng
t o pus h t he gui l t and s y mpat hy out of my head. Mr . Banner began t al k i ng.
I s i ghed and opened my ey es .
And Edwar d was s t ar i ng at me c ur i ous l y , t hat s ame, f ami l i ar edge of
f r us t r at i on ev en mor e di s t i nc t now i n hi s bl ac k ey es .
I s t ar ed bac k , s ur pr i s ed, ex pec t i ng hi m t o l ook qui c k l y away . But i ns t ead
he c ont i nued t o gaz e wi t h pr obi ng i nt ens i t y i nt o my ey es . Ther e was no
ques t i on of me l ook i ng away . My hands s t ar t ed t o s hak e.
" Mr . Cul l en?" t he t eac her c al l ed, s eek i ng t he ans wer t o a ques t i on t hat I
hadn' t hear d.
" The Kr ebs Cy c l e, " Edwar d ans wer ed, s eemi ng r el uc t ant as he t ur ned t o
l ook at Mr . Banner .
I l ook ed down at my book as s oon as hi s ey es r el eas ed me, t r y i ng t o f i nd
my pl ac e. Cowar dl y as ev er , I s hi f t ed my hai r ov er my r i ght s houl der t o
hi de my f ac e. I c oul dn' t bel i ev e t he r us h of emot i on pul s i ng t hr ough me —
j us t bec aus e he' d happened t o l ook at me f or t he f i r s t t i me i n a
hal f - doz en week s . I c oul dn' t al l ow hi m t o hav e t hi s l ev el of i nf l uenc e
ov er me. I t was pat het i c . Mor e t han pat het i c , i t was unheal t hy .
I t r i ed v er y har d not t o be awar e of hi m f or t he r es t of t he hour , and,
s i nc e t hat was i mpos s i bl e, at l eas t not t o l et hi m k now t hat I was awar e
of hi m. When t he bel l r ang at l ast , I t ur ned my bac k t o hi m t o gat her my
t hi ngs , ex pec t i ng hi m t o l eav e i mmedi at el y as us ual .
" Bel l a?" Hi s v oi c e s houl dn' t hav e been s o f ami l i ar t o me, as i f I ' d k nown
t he s ound of i t al l my l i f e r at her t han f or j us t a f ew s hor t week s.
I t ur ned s l owl y , unwi l l i ngl y . I di dn' t want t o f eel what I k new I woul d
f eel when I l ook ed at hi s t oo- per f ec t f ac e. My ex pr es s i on was war y when I
f i nal l y t ur ned t o hi m; hi s ex pr ess i on was unr eadabl e. He di dn' t s ay
any t hi ng.
" What ? Ar e y ou s peak i ng t o me agai n?" I f i nal l y as k ed, an uni nt ent i onal
not e of pet ul anc e i n my v oi c e.
Hi s l i ps t wi t c hed, f i ght i ng a s mi l e. " No, not r eal l y , " he admi t t ed.
I c l os ed my ey es and i nhal ed s l owl y t hr ough my nos e, awar e t hat I was
gr i t t i ng my t eet h. He wai t ed.
" Then what do y ou want , Edwar d?" I as k ed, k eepi ng my ey es c l os ed; i t was
eas i er t o t al k t o hi m c oher ent l y t hat way .
" I ' m s or r y . " He s ounded s i nc er e. " I ' m bei ng v er y r ude, I k now. But i t ' s
bet t er t hi s way , r eal l y . "
I opened my ey es . Hi s f ac e was v er y s er i ous .
" I don' t k now what y ou mean, " I sai d, my v oi c e guar ded.
" I t ' s bet t er i f we' r e not f r i ends, " he ex pl ai ned. " Tr us t me. "
My ey es nar r owed. I ' d hear d t hat bef or e.
" I t ' s t oo bad y ou di dn' t f i gur e t hat out ear l i er , " I hi s s ed t hr ough my
t eet h. " You c oul d hav e s av ed y our s el f al l t hi s r egr et . "
" Regr et ?" The wor d, and my t one, obv i ous l y c aught hi m of f guar d. " Regr et
f or what ?"
" For not j us t l et t i ng t hat s t upi d v an s qui s h me. "
He was as t oni s hed. He s t ar ed at me i n di s bel i ef .
When he f i nal l y s pok e, he al mos t s ounded mad. " You t hi nk I r egr et s av i ng
y our l i f e?"
" I k now y ou do, " I s napped.
" You don' t k now any t hi ng. " He was def i ni t el y mad.
I t ur ned my head s har pl y away f r om hi m, c l enc hi ng my j aw agai ns t al l t he
wi l d ac c us at i ons I want ed t o hur l at hi m. I gat her ed my book s t oget her ,
t hen s t ood and wal k ed t o t he door . I meant t o s weep dr amat i c al l y out of
t he r oom, but of c our s e I c aught t he t oe of my boot on t he door j amb and
dr opped my book s . I s t ood t her e f or a moment , t hi nk i ng about l eav i ng
t hem. Then I s i ghed and bent t o pi c k t hem up. He was t her e; he' d al r eady
s t ac k ed t hem i nt o a pi l e. He handed t hem t o me, hi s f ac e har d.
" Thank y ou, " I s ai d i c i l y .
Hi s ey es nar r owed.
" You' r e wel c ome, " he r et or t ed.
I s t r ai ght ened up s wi f t l y , t ur ned away f r om hi m agai n, and s t al k ed of f t o
Gy m wi t hout l ook i ng bac k .
Gy m was br ut al . We' d mov ed on t o bas k et bal l . My t eam nev er pas s ed me t he
bal l , s o t hat was good, but I f el l down a l ot . Somet i mes I t ook peopl e
wi t h me. Today I was wor s e t han us ual bec aus e my head was s o f i l l ed wi t h
Edwar d. I t r i ed t o c onc ent r at e on my f eet , but he k ept c r eepi ng bac k i nt o
my t hought s j us t when I r eal l y needed my bal anc e.
I t was a r el i ef , as al way s , t o l eav e. I al mos t r an t o t he t r uc k ; t her e
wer e j us t s o many peopl e I want ed t o av oi d. The t r uc k had s uf f er ed onl y
mi ni mal damage i n t he ac c i dent . I ' d had t o r epl ac e t he t ai l l i ght s , and i f
I ' d had a r eal pai nt j ob, I woul d hav e t ouc hed t hat up. Ty l er ' s par ent s
had t o s el l t hei r v an f or par t s .
I al mos t had a s t r ok e when I r ounded t he c or ner and s aw a t al l , dar k
f i gur e l eani ng agai ns t t he s i de of my t r uc k . Then I r eal i z ed i t was j us t
Er i c . I s t ar t ed wal k i ng agai n.
" Hey , Er i c , " I c al l ed.
" Hi , Bel l a. "
" What ' s up?" I s ai d as I was unl oc k i ng t he door . I was n' t pay i ng
at t ent i on t o t he unc omf or t abl e edge i n hi s v oi c e, s o hi s nex t wor ds t ook
me by s ur pr i s e.
" Uh, I was j us t wonder i ng… i f y ou woul d go t o t he s pr i ng danc e wi t h me?"
Hi s v oi c e br ok e on t he l as t wor d.
" I t hought i t was gi r l s ' c hoi c e, " I s ai d, t oo s t ar t l ed t o be di pl omat i c .
" Wel l , y eah, " he admi t t ed, s hamef ac ed.
I r ec ov er ed my c ompos ur e and t r i ed t o mak e my s mi l e war m. " Thank you f or
as k i ng me, but I ' m goi ng t o be i n Seat t l e t hat day . "
" Oh, " he s ai d. " Wel l , may be nex t t i me. "
" Sur e, " I agr eed, and t hen bi t my l i p. I woul dn' t want hi m t o t ak e t hat
t oo l i t er al l y .
He s l ouc hed of f , bac k t owar d t he s c hool . I hear d a l ow c huc k l e.
Edwar d was wal k i ng pas t t he f r ont of my t r uc k , l ook i ng s t r ai ght f or war d,
hi s l i ps pr es s ed t oget her . I y anked t he door open and j umped i ns i de,
s l ammi ng i t l oudl y behi nd me. I r ev v ed t he engi ne deaf eni ngl y and
r ev er s ed out i nt o t he ai s l e. Edwar d was i n hi s c ar al r eady , t wo s pac es
down, s l i di ng out s moot hl y i n f r ont of me, c ut t i ng me of f . He s t opped
t her e — t o wai t f or hi s f ami l y ; I c oul d s ee t he f our of t hem wal k i ng t hi s
way , but s t i l l by t he c af et er i a. I c ons i der ed t ak i ng out t he r ear of hi s
s hi ny Vol v o, but t her e wer e t oo many wi t nes s es . I l ook ed i n my r ear v i ew
mi r r or . A l i ne was begi nni ng t o f or m. Di r ec t l y behi nd me, Ty l er Cr owl ey
was i n hi s r ec ent l y ac qui r ed us ed Sent r a, wav i ng. I was t oo aggr avat ed t o
ac k nowl edge hi m.
Whi l e I was s i t t i ng t her e, l ook i ng ev er y wher e but at t he c ar i n f r ont of
me, I hear d a k noc k on my pas s enger s i de wi ndow. I l ook ed ov er ; i t was
Ty l er . I gl anc ed bac k i n my r ear vi ew mi r r or , c onf us ed. Hi s c ar was s t i l l
r unni ng, t he door l ef t open. I l eaned ac r os s t he c ab t o c r ank t he wi ndow
down. I t was s t i f f . I got i t hal f way down, t hen gav e up.
" I ' m s or r y , Ty l er , I ' m s t uc k behi nd Cul l en. " I was annoy ed — obv i ous l y
t he hol dup was n' t my f aul t .
" Oh, I k now — I j us t want ed t o ask y ou s omet hi ng whi l e we' r e t r apped
her e. " He gr i nned.
Thi s c oul d not be happeni ng.
" Wi l l y ou as k me t o t he s pr i ng danc e?" he c ont i nued.
" I ' m not goi ng t o be i n t own, Ty l er . " My v oi c e s ounded a l i t t l e s har p. I
had t o r emember i t was n' t hi s f aul t t hat Mi k e and Er i c had al r eady us ed
up my quot a of pat i enc e f or t he day .
" Yeah, Mi k e s ai d t hat , " he admi t t ed.
" Then why —"
He s hr ugged. " I was hopi ng y ou wer e j us t l et t i ng hi m down eas y . "
Ok ay , i t was c ompl et el y hi s f aul t .
" Sor r y , Ty l er , " I s ai d, wor k i ng t o hi de my i r r i t at i on. " I r eal l y am goi ng
out of t own. "
" That ' s c ool . We s t i l l hav e pr om. "
And bef or e I c oul d r es pond, he was wal k i ng bac k t o hi s c ar . I c oul d f eel
t he s hoc k on my f ac e. I l ook ed f or war d t o s ee Al i c e, Ros al i e, Emmet t , and
J as per al l s l i di ng i nt o t he Vol v o. I n hi s r ear v i ew mi r r or , Edwar d' s ey es
wer e on me. He was unques t i onabl y s hak i ng wi t h l aught er , as i f he' d hear d
ev er y wor d Ty l er had s ai d. My f oot i t c hed t owar d t he gas pedal … one
l i t t l e bump woul dn' t hur t any of t hem, j us t t hat gl os s y s i l v er pai nt j ob.
I r ev v ed t he engi ne.
But t hey wer e al l i n, and Edwar d was s peedi ng away . I dr ov e home sl owl y ,
c ar ef ul l y , mut t er i ng t o my s el f t he whol e way .
When I got home, I dec i ded t o make c hi c k en enc hi l adas f or di nner . I t was
a l ong pr oc es s , and i t woul d k eep me bus y . Whi l e I was s i mmer i ng t he
oni ons and c hi l i es , t he phone r ang. I was al mos t af r ai d t o ans wer i t , but
i t mi ght be Char l i e or my mom.
I t was J es s i c a, and s he was j ubi l ant ; Mi k e had c aught her af t er s chool t o
ac c ept her i nv i t at i on. I c el ebr at ed wi t h her br i ef l y whi l e I s t i r r ed. She
had t o go, s he want ed t o c al l Angel a and Laur en t o t el l t hem. I s ugges t ed
— wi t h c as ual i nnoc enc e — t hat may be Angel a, t he s hy gi r l who had Bi ol ogy
wi t h me, c oul d as k Er i c . And Laur en, a s t andof f i s h gi r l who had al way s
i gnor ed me at t he l unc h t abl e, c oul d as k Ty l er ; I ' d hear d he was st i l l
av ai l abl e. J es s t hought t hat was a gr eat i dea. Now t hat s he was s ur e of
Mi k e, s he ac t ual l y s ounded s i nc er e when s he s ai d s he wi s hed I woul d go t o
t he danc e. I gav e her my Seat t l e ex c us e.
Af t er I hung up, I t r i ed t o c onc ent r at e on di nner — di c i ng t he c hi c k en
es pec i al l y ; I di dn' t want t o t ak e anot her t r i p t o t he emer genc y r oom. But
my head was s pi nni ng, t r y i ng t o anal y z e ev er y wor d Edwar d had s poken
t oday . What di d he mean, i t was bet t er i f we wer en' t f r i ends ?
My s t omac h t wi s t ed as I r eal i z ed what he mus t hav e meant . He mus t s ee how
abs or bed I was by hi m; he mus t not want t o l ead me on… s o we c oul dn' t
ev en be f r i ends … bec aus e he was n' t i nt er es t ed i n me at al l .
Of c our s e he was n' t i nt er es t ed i n me, I t hought angr i l y , my ey es st i ngi ng
— a del ay ed r eac t i on t o t he oni ons . I was n' t i nt er es t i ng. And he was .
I nt er es t i ng… and br i l l i ant … and my s t er i ous … and per f ec t … and beaut i f ul …
and pos s i bl y abl e t o l i f t f ul l - s i z ed v ans wi t h one hand.
Wel l , t hat was f i ne. I c oul d l eave hi m al one. I woul d l eav e hi m al one. I
woul d get t hr ough my s el f - i mpos ed s ent enc e her e i n pur gat or y , and t hen
hopef ul l y s ome s c hool i n t he Sout hwes t , or pos s i bl y Hawai i , woul d of f er
me a s c hol ar s hi p. I f oc us ed my t hought s on s unny beac hes and pal m t r ees
as I f i ni s hed t he enc hi l adas and put t hem i n t he ov en.
Char l i e s eemed s us pi c i ous when he c ame home and s mel l ed t he gr een
pepper s . I c oul dn' t bl ame hi m — t he c l os es t edi bl e Mex i c an f ood was
pr obabl y i n s out her n Cal i f or ni a. But he was a c op, ev en i f j us t a
s mal l - t own c op, s o he was br av e enough t o t ak e t he f i r s t bi t e. He s eemed
t o l i k e i t . I t was f un t o wat c h as he s l owl y began t r us t i ng me i n t he
k i t c hen.
" Dad?" I as k ed when he was al mos t done.
" Yeah, Bel l a?"
" Um, I j us t want ed t o l et y ou k now t hat I ' m goi ng t o Seat t l e f or t he day
a week f r om Sat ur day … i f t hat ' s ok ay ?" I di dn' t want t o as k per mi ss i on —
i t s et a bad pr ec edent — but I f el t r ude, s o I t ac k ed i t on at t he end.
" Why ?" He s ounded s ur pr i s ed, as i f he wer e unabl e t o i magi ne s omet hi ng
t hat For k s c oul dn' t of f er .
" Wel l , I want ed t o get f ew book s — t he l i br ar y her e i s pr et t y l i mi t ed —
and may be l ook at s ome c l ot hes . " I had mor e money t han I was us ed t o
hav i ng, s i nc e, t hank s t o Char l i e, I hadn' t had t o pay f or a c ar . Not t hat
t he t r uc k di dn' t c os t me qui t e a bi t i n t he gas depar t ment .
" That t r uc k pr obabl y does n' t get v er y good gas mi l eage, " he s ai d, ec hoi ng
my t hought s .
" I k now, I ' l l s t op i n Mont es ano and Ol y mpi a — and Tac oma i f I hav e t o. "
" Ar e y ou goi ng al l by y our s el f ?" he as k ed, and I c oul dn' t t el l i f he was
s us pi c i ous I had a s ec r et boy f r i end or j us t wor r i ed about c ar t r oubl e.
" Yes . "
" Seat t l e i s a bi g c i t y — y ou c oul d get l os t , " he f r et t ed.
" Dad, Phoeni x i s f i v e t i mes t he si z e of Seat t l e — and I c an r ead a map,
don' t wor r y about i t . "
" Do y ou want me t o c ome wi t h y ou?"
I t r i ed t o be c r af t y as I hi d my hor r or .
" That ' s al l r i ght , Dad, I ' l l pr obabl y j us t be i n dr es s i ng r ooms al l day —
v er y bor i ng. "
" Oh, ok ay . " The t hought of s i t t i ng i n women' s c l ot hi ng s t or es f or any
per i od of t i me i mmedi at el y put hi m of f .
" Thank s . " I s mi l ed at hi m.
" Wi l l y ou be bac k i n t i me f or t he danc e?"
Gr r r . Onl y i n a t own t hi s s mal l woul d a f at her k now when t he hi gh s c hool
danc es wer e.
" No — I don' t danc e, Dad. " He, of al l peopl e, s houl d under s t and t hat — I
di dn' t get my bal anc e pr obl ems f r om my mot her .
He di d under s t and. " Oh, t hat ' s r i ght , " he r eal i z ed.
The nex t mor ni ng, when I pul l ed i nt o t he par k i ng l ot , I del i ber at el y
par k ed as f ar as pos s i bl e f r om t he s i l v er Vol v o. I di dn' t want t o put
my s el f i n t he pat h of t oo muc h t empt at i on and end up owi ng hi m a new c ar .
Get t i ng out of t he c ab, I f umbl ed wi t h my k ey and i t f el l i nt o a puddl e
at my f eet . As I bent t o get i t , a whi t e hand f l as hed out and gr abbed i t
bef or e I c oul d. I j er k ed upr i ght . Edwar d Cul l en was r i ght nex t t o me,
l eani ng c as ual l y agai ns t my t r uc k.
" How do y ou do t hat ?" I as k ed i n amaz ed i r r i t at i on.
" Do what ?" He hel d my k ey out as he s pok e. As I r eac hed f or i t , he
dr opped i t i nt o my pal m.
" Appear out of t hi n ai r . "
" Bel l a, i t ' s not my f aul t i f y ou ar e ex c ept i onal l y unobs er v ant . " Hi s
v oi c e was qui et as us ual — v el v et , mut ed.
I s c owl ed at hi s per f ec t f ac e. Hi s ey es wer e l i ght agai n t oday , a deep,
gol den honey c ol or . Then I had t o l ook down, t o r eas s embl e my now- t angl ed
t hought s .
" Why t he t r af f i c j am l as t ni ght ?" I demanded, s t i l l l ook i ng away . " I
t hought y ou wer e s uppos ed t o be pr et endi ng I don' t ex i s t , not i r r i t at i ng
me t o deat h. "
" That was f or Ty l er ' s s ak e, not mi ne. I had t o gi v e hi m hi s c hanc e. " He
s ni c k er ed.
" You…" I gas ped. I c oul dn' t t hi nk of a bad enough wor d. I t f el t l i k e t he
heat of my anger s houl d phy s i c al l y bur n hi m, but he onl y s eemed mor e
amus ed.
" And I ' m not pr et endi ng y ou don' t ex i s t , " he c ont i nued.
" So y ou ar e t r y i ng t o i r r i t at e me t o deat h? Si nc e Ty l er ' s v an di dn' t do
t he j ob?"
Anger f l as hed i n hi s t awny ey es . Hi s l i ps pr es s ed i nt o a har d l i ne, al l
s i gns of humor gone.
" Bel l a, y ou ar e ut t er l y abs ur d, " he s ai d, hi s l ow v oi c e c ol d.
My pal ms t i ngl ed — I want ed s o badl y t o hi t s omet hi ng. I was s ur pr i s ed at
my s el f . I was us ual l y a nonv i ol ent per s on. I t ur ned my bac k and s t ar t ed
t o wal k away .
" Wai t , " he c al l ed. I k ept wal k i ng, s l os hi ng angr i l y t hr ough t he r ai n. But
he was nex t t o me, eas i l y k eepi ng pac e.
" I ' m s or r y , t hat was r ude, " he s ai d as we wal k ed. I i gnor ed hi m. " I ' m not
s ay i ng i t i s n' t t r ue, " he c ont i nued, " but i t was r ude t o s ay i t , any way . "
" Why won' t y ou l eav e me al one?" I gr umbl ed.
" I want ed t o as k y ou s omet hi ng, but y ou s i det r ac k ed me, " he c huc k l ed. He
s eemed t o hav e r ec ov er ed hi s good humor .
" Do y ou hav e a mul t i pl e per s onal i t y di s or der ?" I as k ed s ev er el y .
" You' r e doi ng i t agai n. "
I s i ghed. " Fi ne t hen. What do y ou want t o as k ?"
" I was wonder i ng i f , a week f r om Sat ur day — y ou k now, t he day of t he
s pr i ng danc e —"
" Ar e y ou t r y i ng t o be f unny ?" I i nt er r upt ed hi m, wheel i ng t owar d hi m. My
f ac e got dr enc hed as I l ook ed up at hi s ex pr es s i on.
Hi s ey es wer e wi c k edl y amus ed. " Wi l l y ou pl eas e al l ow me t o f i ni s h?"
I bi t my l i p and c l as ped my hands t oget her , i nt er l oc k i ng my f i nger s , s o I
c oul dn' t do any t hi ng r as h.
" I hear d y ou s ay y ou wer e goi ng t o Seat t l e t hat day , and I was wonder i ng
i f y ou want ed a r i de. "
That was unex pec t ed.
" What ?" I was n' t s ur e what he was get t i ng at .
" Do y ou want a r i de t o Seat t l e?"
" Wi t h who?" I as k ed, my s t i f i ed.
" My s el f , obv i ous l y . " He enunc i at ed ev er y s y l l abl e, as i f he wer e t al k i ng
t o s omeone ment al l y handi c apped.
I was s t i l l s t unned. " Why ?"
" Wel l , I was pl anni ng t o go t o Seat t l e i n t he nex t f ew week s , and, t o be
hones t , I ' m not s ur e i f y our t r uck c an mak e i t . "
" My t r uc k wor k s j us t f i ne, t hank y ou v er y muc h f or y our c onc er n. " I
s t ar t ed t o wal k agai n, but I was t oo s ur pr i s ed t o mai nt ai n t he s ame l ev el
of anger .
" But c an y our t r uc k mak e i t t her e on one t ank of gas ?" He mat c hed my pac e
agai n.
" I don' t s ee how t hat i s any of your bus i nes s . " St upi d, s hi ny Vol vo owner .
" The was t i ng of f i ni t e r es our c es i s ev er y one' s bus i nes s . "
" Hones t l y , Edwar d. " I f el t a t hr i l l go t hr ough me as I s ai d hi s name, and
I hat ed i t . " I c an' t k eep up wi t h y ou. I t hought y ou di dn' t want t o be my
f r i end. "
" I s ai d i t woul d be bet t er i f we wer en' t f r i ends , not t hat I di dn' t want
t o be. "
" Oh, t hank s , now t hat ' s al l c l ear ed up. " Heav y s ar c as m. I r eal i z ed I had
s t opped wal k i ng agai n. We wer e under t he s hel t er of t he c af et er i a r oof
now, s o I c oul d mor e eas i l y l ook at hi s f ac e. Whi c h c er t ai nl y di dn' t hel p
my c l ar i t y of t hought .
" I t woul d be mor e… pr udent f or y ou not t o be my f r i end, " he ex pl ai ned.
" But I ' m t i r ed of t r y i ng t o s t ay away f r om y ou, Bel l a. "
Hi s ey es wer e gl or i ous l y i nt ens e as he ut t er ed t hat l as t s ent enc e, hi s
v oi c e s mol der i ng. I c oul dn' t r emember how t o br eat he.
" Wi l l y ou go wi t h me t o Seat t l e?" he as k ed, s t i l l i nt ens e.
I c oul dn' t s peak y et , s o I j us t nodded.
He s mi l ed br i ef l y , and t hen hi s f ac e bec ame s er i ous .
" You r eal l y s houl d s t ay away f r om me, " he war ned. " I ' l l s ee y ou i n c l as s . "
He t ur ned abr upt l y and wal k ed back t he way we' d c ome.
===========================================================================

5. BLOOD TYPE

I made my way t o Engl i s h i n a daze. I di dn' t ev en r eal i z e when I f i r s t

wal k ed i n t hat c l as s had al r eady s t ar t ed.
" Thank y ou f or j oi ni ng us , Mi s s Swan, " Mr . Mas on s ai d i n a di s par agi ng
t one.
I f l us hed and hur r i ed t o my s eat .
I t was n' t t i l l c l as s ended t hat I r eal i z ed Mi k e was n' t s i t t i ng i n hi s
us ual s eat nex t t o me. I f el t a t wi nge of gui l t . But he and Er i c bot h met
me at t he door as us ual , s o I f i gur ed I was n' t t ot al l y unf or gi v en. Mi k e
s eemed t o bec ome mor e hi ms el f as we wal k ed, gai ni ng ent hus i as m as he
t al k ed about t he weat her r epor t f or t hi s week end. The r ai n was s uppos ed
t o t ak e a mi nor br eak , and s o maybe hi s beac h t r i p woul d be pos s i bl e. I
t r i ed t o s ound eager , t o mak e up f or di s appoi nt i ng hi m y es t er day . I t was
har d; r ai n or no r ai n, i t woul d st i l l onl y be i n t he hi gh f or t i es , i f we
wer e l uc k y .
The r es t of t he mor ni ng pas s ed i n a bl ur . I t was di f f i c ul t t o bel i ev e
t hat I hadn' t j us t i magi ned what Edwar d had s ai d, and t he way hi s ey es
had l ook ed. May be i t was j us t a ver y c onv i nc i ng dr eam t hat I ' d c onf us ed
wi t h r eal i t y . That s eemed mor e pr obabl e t han t hat I r eal l y appeal ed t o
hi m on any l ev el .
So I was i mpat i ent and f r i ght ened as J es s i c a and I ent er ed t he c af et er i a.
I want ed t o s ee hi s f ac e, t o s ee i f he' d gone bac k t o t he c ol d,
i ndi f f er ent per s on I ' d k nown f or t he l as t s ev er al week s . Or i f , by s ome
mi r ac l e, I ' d r eal l y hear d what I t hought I ' d hear d t hi s mor ni ng. Jes s i c a
babbl ed on and on about her danc e pl ans — Laur en and Angel a had ask ed t he
ot her boy s and t hey wer e al l goi ng t oget her — c ompl et el y unawar e of my
i nat t ent i on.
Di s appoi nt ment f l ooded t hr ough me as my ey es uner r i ngl y f oc us ed on hi s
t abl e. The ot her f our wer e t her e, but he was abs ent . Had he gone home? I
f ol l owed t he s t i l l - babbl i ng J es s i c a t hr ough t he l i ne, c r us hed. I ' d l os t
my appet i t e — I bought not hi ng but a bot t l e of l emonade. I j us t want ed t o
go s i t down and s ul k .
" Edwar d Cul l en i s s t ar i ng at y ou agai n, " J es s i c a s ai d, f i nal l y br eak i ng
t hr ough my abs t r ac t i on wi t h hi s name. " I wonder why he' s s i t t i ng al one
t oday . "
My head s napped up. I f ol l owed her gaz e t o s ee Edwar d, s mi l i ng c r ook edl y ,
s t ar i ng at me f r om an empt y t abl e ac r os s t he c af et er i a f r om wher e he
us ual l y s at . Onc e he' d c aught my ey e, he r ai s ed one hand and mot i oned
wi t h hi s i ndex f i nger f or me t o j oi n hi m. As I s t ar ed i n di s bel i ef , he
wi nk ed.
" Does he mean y ou?" J es s i c a as k ed wi t h i ns ul t i ng as t oni s hment i n her
v oi c e.
" May be he needs hel p wi t h hi s Bi ol ogy homewor k , " I mut t er ed f or her
benef i t . " Um, I ' d bet t er go s ee what he want s . "
I c oul d f eel her s t ar i ng af t er me as I wal k ed away .
When I r eac hed hi s t abl e, I s t ood behi nd t he c hai r ac r os s f r om hi m,
uns ur e.
" Why don' t y ou s i t wi t h me t oday ?" he as k ed, s mi l i ng.
I s at down aut omat i c al l y , wat c hi ng hi m wi t h c aut i on. He was s t i l l
s mi l i ng. I t was har d t o bel i ev e t hat s omeone s o beaut i f ul c oul d be r eal .
I was af r ai d t hat he mi ght di s appear i n a s udden puf f of s mok e, and I
woul d wak e up.
He s eemed t o be wai t i ng f or me t o s ay s omet hi ng.
" Thi s i s di f f er ent , " I f i nal l y managed.
" Wel l …" He paus ed, and t hen t he r es t of t he wor ds f ol l owed i n a r us h. " I
dec i ded as l ong as I was goi ng t o hel l , I mi ght as wel l do i t t hor oughl y . "
I wai t ed f or hi m t o s ay s omet hi ng t hat made s ens e. The s ec onds t i ck ed by .
" You k now I don' t hav e any i dea what y ou mean, " I ev ent ual l y poi nt ed out .
" I k now. " He s mi l ed agai n, and t hen he c hanged t he s ubj ec t . " I t hi nk y our
f r i ends ar e angr y wi t h me f or s t eal i ng y ou. "
" They ' l l s ur v i v e. " I c oul d f eel t hei r s t ar es bor i ng i nt o my bac k .
" I may not gi v e y ou bac k , t hough, " he s ai d wi t h a wi c k ed gl i nt i n hi s
ey es .
I gul ped.
He l aughed. " You l ook wor r i ed. "
" No, " I s ai d, but , r i di c ul ous l y , my v oi c e br ok e. " Sur pr i s ed, ac t ual l y …
what br ought al l t hi s on?"
" I t ol d y ou — I got t i r ed of t r y i ng t o s t ay away f r om y ou. So I ' m gi v i ng
up. " He was s t i l l s mi l i ng, but hi s oc her ey es wer e s er i ous .
" Gi v i ng up?" I r epeat ed i n c onf usi on.
" Yes — gi v i ng up t r y i ng t o be good. I ' m j us t goi ng t o do what I want now,
and l et t he c hi ps f al l wher e t hey may . " Hi s s mi l e f aded as he ex pl ai ned,
and a har d edge c r ept i nt o hi s v oi c e.
" You l os t me agai n. "
The br eat ht ak i ng c r ook ed s mi l e r eappear ed.
" I al way s s ay t oo muc h when I ' m t al k i ng t o y ou — t hat ' s one of t he
pr obl ems . "
" Don' t wor r y — I don' t under s t and any of i t , " I s ai d wr y l y .
" I ' m c ount i ng on t hat . "
" So, i n pl ai n Engl i s h, ar e we f r i ends now?"
" Fr i ends …" he mus ed, dubi ous .
" Or not , " I mut t er ed.
He gr i nned. " Wel l , we c an t r y , I s uppos e. But I ' m war ni ng y ou now t hat
I ' m not a good f r i end f or y ou. " Behi nd hi s s mi l e, t he war ni ng was r eal .
" You s ay t hat a l ot , " I not ed, t r y i ng t o i gnor e t he s udden t r embl i ng i n
my s t omac h and k eep my v oi c e ev en.
" Yes , bec aus e y ou' r e not l i s t eni ng t o me. I ' m s t i l l wai t i ng f or y ou t o
bel i ev e i t . I f y ou' r e s mar t , y ou' l l av oi d me. "
" I t hi nk y ou' v e made y our opi ni on on t he s ubj ec t of my i nt el l ec t cl ear ,
t oo. " My ey es nar r owed.
He s mi l ed apol oget i c al l y .
" So, as l ong as I ' m bei ng… not s mar t , we' l l t r y t o be f r i ends ?" I
s t r uggl ed t o s um up t he c onf us i ng ex c hange.
" That s ounds about r i ght . "
I l ook ed down at my hands wr apped ar ound t he l emonade bot t l e, not s ur e
what t o do now.
" What ar e y ou t hi nk i ng?" he as k ed c ur i ous l y .
I l ook ed up i nt o hi s deep gol d eyes , bec ame bef uddl ed, and, as us ual ,
bl ur t ed out t he t r ut h.
" I ' m t r y i ng t o f i gur e out what y ou ar e. "
Hi s j aw t i ght ened, but he k ept hi s s mi l e i n pl ac e wi t h s ome ef f or t .
" Ar e y ou hav i ng any l uc k wi t h t hat ?" he as k ed i n an of f hand t one.
" Not t oo muc h, " I admi t t ed.
He c huc k l ed. " What ar e y our t heor i es ?"
I bl us hed. I had been v ac i l l at i ng dur i ng t he l as t mont h bet ween Br uc e
Way ne and Pet er Par k er . Ther e was no way I was goi ng t o own up t o t hat .
" Won' t y ou t el l me?" he as k ed, t i l t i ng hi s head t o one s i de wi t h a
s hoc k i ngl y t empt i ng s mi l e.
I s hook my head. " Too embar r as s i ng. "
" That ' s r eal l y f r us t r at i ng, y ou know, " he c ompl ai ned.
" No, " I di s agr eed qui c k l y , my ey es nar r owi ng, " I c an' t i magi ne why t hat
woul d be f r us t r at i ng at al l — j ust bec aus e s omeone r ef us es t o t el l y ou
what t hey ' r e t hi nk i ng, ev en i f al l t he whi l e t hey ' r e mak i ng c r y pt i c
litt l e r emar k s s pec i f i c al l y des i gned t o k eep y ou up at ni ght wonder i ng
what t hey c oul d pos s i bl y mean… now, why woul d t hat be f r us t r at i ng?"
He gr i mac ed.
" Or bet t er , " I c ont i nued, t he pent - up annoy anc e f l owi ng f r eel y now, " s ay
t hat per s on al s o di d a wi de r ange of bi z ar r e t hi ngs — f r om s av i ng y our
l i f e under i mpos s i bl e c i r c ums t ances one day t o t r eat i ng y ou l i k e a par i ah
t he nex t , and he nev er ex pl ai ned any of t hat , ei t her , ev en af t er he
pr omi s ed. That , al s o, woul d be v er y non- f r us t r at i ng. "
" You' v e got a bi t of a t emper , don' t y ou?"
" I don' t l i k e doubl e s t andar ds . "
We s t ar ed at eac h ot her , uns mi l i ng.
He gl anc ed ov er my s houl der , and t hen, unex pec t edl y , he s ni c k er ed.
" What ?"
" Your boy f r i end s eems t o t hi nk I ' m bei ng unpl eas ant t o y ou — he' s
debat i ng whet her or not t o c ome br eak up our f i ght . " He s ni c k er ed agai n.
" I don' t k now who y ou' r e t al k i ng about , " I s ai d f r os t i l y . " But I ' m s ur e
y ou' r e wr ong, any way . "
" I ' m not . I t ol d y ou, mos t peopl e ar e eas y t o r ead. "
" Ex c ept me, of c our s e. "
" Yes . Ex c ept f or y ou. " Hi s mood shi f t ed s uddenl y ; hi s ey es t ur ned
br oodi ng. " I wonder why t hat i s . "
I had t o l ook away f r om t he i nt ens i t y of hi s s t ar e. I c onc ent r at ed on
uns c r ewi ng t he l i d of my l emonade. I t ook a s wi g, s t ar i ng at t he t abl e
wi t hout s eei ng i t .
" Ar en' t y ou hungr y ?" he as k ed, di s t r ac t ed.
" No. " I di dn' t f eel l i k e ment i oni ng t hat my s t omac h was al r eady f ul l — of
but t er f l i es . " You?" I l ook ed at t he empt y t abl e i n f r ont of hi m.
" No, I ' m not hungr y . " I di dn' t under s t and hi s ex pr es s i on — i t l ooked l i k e
he was enj oy i ng s ome pr i v at e j ok e.
" Can y ou do me a f av or ?" I as k ed af t er a s ec ond of hes i t at i on.
He was s uddenl y war y . " That depends on what y ou want . "
" I t ' s not muc h, " I as s ur ed hi m.
He wai t ed, guar ded but c ur i ous .
" I j us t wonder ed… i f y ou c oul d war n me bef or ehand t he nex t t i me y ou
dec i de t o i gnor e me f or my own good. J us t s o I ' m pr epar ed. " I l ooked at
t he l emonade bot t l e as I s pok e, t r ac i ng t he c i r c l e of t he openi ng wi t h my
pi nk i e f i nger .
" That s ounds f ai r . " He was pr es s i ng hi s l i ps t oget her t o k eep f r om
l aughi ng when I l ook ed up.
" Thank s . "
" Then c an I hav e one ans wer i n r et ur n?" he demanded.
" One. "
" Tel l me one t heor y . "
Whoops . " Not t hat one. "
" You di dn' t qual i f y , y ou j us t pr omi s ed one ans wer , " he r emi nded me.
" And y ou' v e br ok en pr omi s es y our sel f , " I r emi nded hi m bac k .
" J us t one t heor y — I won' t l augh. "
" Yes , y ou wi l l . " I was pos i t i v e about t hat .
He l ook ed down, and t hen gl anc ed up at me t hr ough hi s l ong bl ac k l as hes ,
hi s oc her ey es s c or c hi ng.
" Pl eas e?" he br eat hed, l eani ng t owar d me.
I bl i nk ed, my mi nd goi ng bl ank . Hol y c r ow, how di d he do t hat ?
" Er , what ?" I as k ed, daz ed.
" Pl eas e t el l me j us t one l i t t l e t heor y . " Hi s ey es s t i l l s mol der ed at me.
" Um, wel l , bi t t en by a r adi oac t i ve s pi der ?" Was he a hy pnot i s t , t oo? Or
was I j us t a hopel es s pus hov er ?
" That ' s not v er y c r eat i v e, " he s cof f ed.
" I ' m s or r y , t hat ' s al l I ' v e got , " I s ai d, mi f f ed.
" You' r e not ev en c l os e, " he t eas ed.
" No s pi der s ?"
" Nope. "
" And no r adi oac t i v i t y ?"
" None. "
" Dang, " I s i ghed.
" Kr y pt oni t e does n' t bot her me, ei t her , " he c huc k l ed.
" You' r e not s uppos ed t o l augh, r emember ?"
He s t r uggl ed t o c ompos e hi s f ac e.
" I ' l l f i gur e i t out ev ent ual l y , " I war ned hi m.
" I wi s h y ou woul dn' t t r y . " He was s er i ous agai n.
" Bec aus e… ?"
" What i f I ' m not a s uper her o? What i f I ' m t he bad guy ?" He s mi l ed
pl ay f ul l y , but hi s ey es wer e i mpenet r abl e.
" Oh, " I s ai d, as s ev er al t hi ngs he' d hi nt ed f el l s uddenl y i nt o pl ac e. " I
s ee. "
" Do y ou?" Hi s f ac e was abr upt l y sev er e, as i f he wer e af r ai d t hat he' d
ac c i dent al l y s ai d t oo muc h.
" You' r e danger ous ?" I gues s ed, my pul s e qui c k eni ng as I i nt ui t i v el y
r eal i z ed t he t r ut h of my own wor ds . He was danger ous . He' d been t r y i ng t o
t el l me t hat al l al ong.
He j us t l ook ed at me, ey es f ul l of s ome emot i on I c oul dn' t c ompr ehend.
" But not bad, " I whi s per ed, s hak i ng my head. " No, I don' t bel i ev e t hat
y ou' r e bad. "
" You' r e wr ong. " Hi s v oi c e was al mos t i naudi bl e. He l ook ed down, s t eal i ng
my bot t l e l i d and t hen s pi nni ng i t on i t s s i de bet ween hi s f i nger s. I
s t ar ed at hi m, wonder i ng why I di dn' t f eel af r ai d. He meant what he was
s ay i ng — t hat was obv i ous . But I j us t f el t anx i ous , on edge… and, mor e
t han any t hi ng el s e, f as c i nat ed. The s ame way I al way s f el t when I was
near hi m.
The s i l enc e l as t ed unt i l I not i c ed t hat t he c af et er i a was al mos t empt y .
I j umped t o my f eet . " We' r e goi ng t o be l at e. "
" I ' m not goi ng t o c l as s t oday , " he s ai d, t wi r l i ng t he l i d s o f as t i t was
j us t a bl ur .
" Why not ?"
" I t ' s heal t hy t o di t c h c l as s now and t hen. " He s mi l ed up at me, but hi s
ey es wer e s t i l l t r oubl ed.
" Wel l , I ' m goi ng, " I t ol d hi m. I was f ar t oo bi g a c owar d t o r i s k get t i ng
c aught .
He t ur ned hi s at t ent i on bac k t o hi s mak es hi f t t op. " I ' l l s ee y ou l at er ,
t hen. "
I hes i t at ed, t or n, but t hen t he f i r s t bel l s ent me hur r y i ng out t he door
— wi t h a l as t gl anc e c onf i r mi ng t hat he hadn' t mov ed a c ent i met er .
As I hal f - r an t o c l as s , my head was s pi nni ng f as t er t han t he bot t l e c ap.
So f ew ques t i ons had been ans wer ed i n c ompar i s on t o how many new
ques t i ons had been r ai s ed. At l eas t t he r ai n had s t opped.
I was l uc k y ; Mr . Banner was n' t i n t he r oom y et when I ar r i v ed. I set t l ed
qui c k l y i nt o my s eat , awar e t hat bot h Mi k e and Angel a wer e s t ar i ng at me.
Mi k e l ook ed r es ent f ul ; Angel a l ook ed s ur pr i s ed, and s l i ght l y awed.
Mr . Banner c ame i n t he r oom t hen, c al l i ng t he c l as s t o or der . He was
j uggl i ng a f ew s mal l c ar dboar d box es i n hi s ar ms . He put t hem down on
Mi k e' s t abl e, t el l i ng hi m t o s t ar t pas s i ng t hem ar ound t he c l as s .
" Ok ay , guy s , I want y ou al l t o t ak e one pi ec e f r om eac h box , " he sai d as
he pr oduc ed a pai r of r ubber gl oves f r om t he poc k et of hi s l ab j ack et and
pul l ed t hem on. The s har p s ound as t he gl ov es s napped i nt o pl ac e agai ns t
hi s wr i s t s s eemed omi nous t o me. " The f i r s t s houl d be an i ndi c at or c ar d, "
he went on, gr abbi ng a whi t e c ar d wi t h f our s quar es mar k ed on i t and
di s pl ay i ng i t . " The s ec ond i s a f our - pr onged appl i c at or —" he hel d up
s omet hi ng t hat l ook ed l i k e a near l y t oot hl es s hai r pi c k " — and t he t hi r d
i s a s t er i l e mi c r o- l anc et . " He hel d up a s mal l pi ec e of bl ue pl as t i c and
s pl i t i t open. The bar b was i nv i si bl e f r om t hi s di s t anc e, but my st omac h
f l i pped.
" I ' l l be c omi ng ar ound wi t h a dr opper of wat er t o pr epar e y our c ar ds , s o
pl eas e don' t s t ar t unt i l I get t o y ou. " He began at Mi k e' s t abl e agai n,
c ar ef ul l y put t i ng one dr op of wat er i n eac h of t he f our s quar es . " Then I
want y ou t o c ar ef ul l y pr i c k y our f i nger wi t h t he l anc et …" He gr abbed
Mi k e' s hand and j abbed t he s pi k e i nt o t he t i p of Mi k e' s mi ddl e f i nger . Oh
no. Cl ammy moi s t ur e br ok e out ac r os s my f or ehead.
" Put a s mal l dr op of bl ood on each of t he pr ongs . " He demons t r at ed,
s queez i ng Mi k e' s f i nger t i l l t he bl ood f l owed. I s wal l owed c onv ul si v el y ,
my s t omac h heav i ng.
" And t hen appl y i t t o t he c ar d, " he f i ni s hed, hol di ng up t he dr i ppi ng r ed
c ar d f or us t o s ee. I c l os ed my ey es , t r y i ng t o hear t hr ough t he r i ngi ng
i n my ear s .
" The Red Cr os s i s hav i ng a bl ood dr i v e i n Por t Angel es nex t week end, s o I
t hought y ou s houl d al l k now y our bl ood t y pe. " He s ounded pr oud of
hi ms el f . " Thos e of y ou who ar en' t ei ght een y et wi l l need a par ent ' s
per mi s s i on — I hav e s l i ps at my des k . "
He c ont i nued t hr ough t he r oom wi t h hi s wat er dr ops . I put my c heek
agai ns t t he c ool bl ac k t abl et op and t r i ed t o hol d on t o my c ons c i ous nes s .
Al l ar ound me I c oul d hear s queal s , c ompl ai nt s , and gi ggl es as my
c l as s mat es s k ewer ed t hei r f i nger s. I br eat hed s l owl y i n and out t hr ough
my mout h.
" Bel l a, ar e y ou al l r i ght ?" Mr . Banner as k ed. Hi s v oi c e was c l os e t o my
head, and i t s ounded al ar med.
" I al r eady k now my bl ood t y pe, Mr . Banner , " I s ai d i n a weak v oi c e. I was
af r ai d t o r ai s e my head.
" Ar e y ou f eel i ng f ai nt ?"
" Yes , s i r , " I mut t er ed, i nt er nal l y k i c k i ng my s el f f or not di t c hi ng when I
had t he c hanc e.
" Can s omeone t ak e Bel l a t o t he nur s e, pl eas e?" he c al l ed.
I di dn' t hav e t o l ook up t o k now t hat i t woul d be Mi k e who v ol unt eer ed.
" Can y ou wal k ?" Mr . Banner as k ed.
" Yes , " I whi s per ed. J us t l et me get out of her e, I t hought . I ' l l cr awl .
Mi k e s eemed eager as he put hi s ar m ar ound my wai s t and pul l ed my ar m
ov er hi s s houl der . I l eaned agai ns t hi m heav i l y on t he way out of t he
c l as s r oom.
Mi k e t owed me s l owl y ac r os s c ampus . When we wer e ar ound t he edge of t he
c af et er i a, out of s i ght of bui l di ng f our i n c as e Mr . Banner was wat c hi ng,
I s t opped.
" J us t l et me s i t f or a mi nut e, pl eas e?" I begged.
He hel ped me s i t on t he edge of t he wal k .
" And what ev er y ou do, k eep y our hand i n y our poc k et , " I war ned. I was
st i l l so di z z y . I s l umped ov er on my s i de, put t i ng my c heek agai nst t he
f r eez i ng, damp c ement of t he s i dewal k , c l os i ng my ey es . That s eemed t o
hel p a l i t t l e.
" Wow, y ou' r e gr een, Bel l a, " Mi k e s ai d ner v ous l y .
" Bel l a?" a di f f er ent v oi c e c al l ed f r om t he di s t anc e.
No! Pl eas e l et me be i magi ni ng t hat hor r i bl y f ami l i ar v oi c e.
" What ' s wr ong — i s s he hur t ?" Hi s v oi c e was c l os er now, and he s ounded
ups et . I was n' t i magi ni ng i t . I squeez ed my ey es s hut , hopi ng t o di e. Or ,
at t he v er y l eas t , not t o t hr ow up.
Mi k e s eemed s t r es s ed. " I t hi nk s he' s f ai nt ed. I don' t k now what happened,
s he di dn' t ev en s t i c k her f i nger . "
" Bel l a. " Edwar d' s v oi c e was r i ght bes i de me, r el i ev ed now. " Can y ou hear
me?"
" No, " I gr oaned. " Go away . "
He c huc k l ed.
" I was t ak i ng her t o t he nur s e, " Mi k e ex pl ai ned i n a def ens i v e t one, " but
s he woul dn' t go any f ar t her . "
" I ' l l t ak e her , " Edwar d s ai d. I coul d hear t he s mi l e s t i l l i n hi s v oi c e.
" You c an go bac k t o c l as s . "
" No, " Mi k e pr ot es t ed. " I ' m s upposed t o do i t . "
Suddenl y t he s i dewal k di s appear ed f r om beneat h me. My ey es f l ew open i n
s hoc k . Edwar d had s c ooped me up i n hi s ar ms , as eas i l y as i f I wei ghed
t en pounds i ns t ead of a hundr ed and t en.
" Put me down! " Pl eas e, pl eas e l et me not v omi t on hi m. He was wal ki ng
bef or e I was f i ni s hed t al k i ng.
" Hey ! " Mi k e c al l ed, al r eady t en pac es behi nd us .
Edwar d i gnor ed hi m. " You l ook awf ul , " he t ol d me, gr i nni ng.
" Put me bac k on t he s i dewal k , " I moaned. The r oc k i ng mov ement of hi s wal k
was not hel pi ng. He hel d me away f r om hi s body , gi nger l y , s uppor t i ng al l
my wei ght wi t h j us t hi s ar ms — i t di dn' t s eem t o bot her hi m.
" So y ou f ai nt at t he s i ght of bl ood?" he as k ed. Thi s s eemed t o ent er t ai n
hi m.
I di dn' t ans wer . I c l os ed my ey es agai n and f ought t he naus ea wi t h al l my
s t r engt h, c l ampi ng my l i ps t oget her .
" And not ev en y our own bl ood, " he c ont i nued, enj oy i ng hi ms el f .
I don' t k now how he opened t he door whi l e c ar r y i ng me, but i t was
s uddenl y war m, s o I k new we wer e i ns i de.
" Oh my , " I hear d a f emal e v oi c e gas p.
" She f ai nt ed i n Bi ol ogy , " Edwar d ex pl ai ned.
I opened my ey es . I was i n t he of f i c e, and Edwar d was s t r i di ng past t he
f r ont c ount er t owar d t he nur s e' s door . Ms . Cope, t he r edheaded f r ont
of f i c e r ec ept i oni s t , r an ahead of hi m t o hol d i t open. The gr andmot her l y
nur s e l ook ed up f r om a nov el , as t oni s hed, as Edwar d s wung me i nt o t he
r oom and pl ac ed me gent l y on t he c r ac k l y paper t hat c ov er ed t he br own
v i ny l mat t r es s on t he one c ot . Then he mov ed t o s t and agai ns t t he wal l as
f ar ac r os s t he nar r ow r oom as poss i bl e. Hi s ey es wer e br i ght , ex c i t ed.
" She' s j us t a l i t t l e f ai nt , " he r eas s ur ed t he s t ar t l ed nur s e. " They ' r e
bl ood t y pi ng i n Bi ol ogy . "
The nur s e nodded s agel y . " Ther e' s al way s one. "
He muf f l ed a s ni c k er .
" J us t l i e down f or a mi nut e, honey ; i t ' l l pas s . "
" I k now, " I s i ghed. The naus ea was al r eady f adi ng.
" Does t hi s happen a l ot ?" s he as ked.
" Somet i mes , " I admi t t ed. Edwar d coughed t o hi de anot her l augh.
" You c an go bac k t o c l as s now, " she t ol d hi m.
" I ' m s uppos ed t o s t ay wi t h her . " He s ai d t hi s wi t h s uc h as s ur ed aut hor i t y
t hat — ev en t hough s he pur s ed her l i ps — t he nur s e di dn' t ar gue i t
f ur t her .
" I ' l l go get y ou s ome i c e f or y our f or ehead, dear , " s he s ai d t o me, and
t hen bus t l ed out of t he r oom.
" You wer e r i ght , " I moaned, l et t i ng my ey es c l os e.
" I us ual l y am — but about what i n par t i c ul ar t hi s t i me?"
" Di t c hi ng i s heal t hy . " I pr ac t i c ed br eat hi ng ev enl y .
" You s c ar ed me f or a mi nut e t her e, " he admi t t ed af t er a paus e. Hi s t one
made i t s ound l i k e he was c onf es si ng a humi l i at i ng weak nes s . " I t hought
Newt on was dr aggi ng y our dead body of f t o bur y i t i n t he woods . "
" Ha ha. " I s t i l l had my ey es c l osed, but I was f eel i ng mor e nor mal ev er y
mi nut e.
" Hones t l y — I ' v e s een c or ps es wi t h bet t er c ol or . I was c onc er ned t hat I
mi ght hav e t o av enge y our mur der . "
" Poor Mi k e. I ' l l bet he' s mad. "
" He abs ol ut el y l oat hes me, " Edwar d s ai d c heer f ul l y .
" You c an' t k now t hat , " I ar gued, but t hen I wonder ed s uddenl y i f he c oul d.
" I s aw hi s f ac e — I c oul d t el l . "
" How di d y ou s ee me? I t hought y ou wer e di t c hi ng. " I was al mos t f i ne now,
t hough t he queas i nes s woul d pr obabl y pas s f as t er i f I ' d eat en s omet hi ng
f or l unc h. On t he ot her hand, maybe i t was l uc k y my s t omac h was empt y .
" I was i n my c ar , l i s t eni ng t o a CD. " Suc h a nor mal r es pons e — i t
s ur pr i s ed me.
I hear d t he door and opened my eyes t o s ee t he nur s e wi t h a c ol d compr es s
i n her hand.
" Her e y ou go, dear . " She l ai d i t ac r os s my f or ehead. " You' r e l ook i ng
bet t er , " s he added.
" I t hi nk I ' m f i ne, " I s ai d, s i t t i ng up. J us t a l i t t l e r i ngi ng i n my ear s ,
no s pi nni ng. The mi nt gr een wal l s s t ay ed wher e t hey s houl d.
I c oul d s ee s he was about t o mak e me l i e bac k down, but t he door opened
j us t t hen, and Ms . Cope s t uc k her head i n.
" We' v e got anot her one, " s he war ned.
I hopped down t o f r ee up t he c ot f or t he nex t i nv al i d.
I handed t he c ompr es s bac k t o t he nur s e. " Her e, I don' t need t hi s . "
And t hen Mi k e s t agger ed t hr ough t he door , now s uppor t i ng a s al l ow- l ook i ng
Lee St ephens , anot her boy i n our Bi ol ogy c l as s . Edwar d and I dr ew bac k
agai ns t t he wal l t o gi v e t hem r oom.
" Oh no, " Edwar d mut t er ed. " Go out t o t he of f i c e, Bel l a. "
I l ook ed up at hi m, bewi l der ed.
" Tr us t me — go. "
I s pun and c aught t he door bef or e i t c l os ed, dar t i ng out of t he
i nf i r mar y . I c oul d f eel Edwar d r i ght behi nd me.
" You ac t ual l y l i s t ened t o me. " He was s t unned.
" I s mel l ed t he bl ood, " I s ai d, wr i nk l i ng my nos e. Lee was n' t s i c k f r om
wat c hi ng ot her peopl e, l i k e me.
" Peopl e c an' t s mel l bl ood, " he c ont r adi c t ed.
" Wel l , I c an — t hat ' s what mak es me s i c k . I t s mel l s l i k e r us t … and s al t . "
He was s t ar i ng at me wi t h an unf at homabl e ex pr es s i on.
" What ?" I as k ed.
" I t ' s not hi ng. "
Mi k e c ame t hr ough t he door t hen, gl anc i ng f r om me t o Edwar d. The l ook he
gav e Edwar d c onf i r med what Edwar d had s ai d about l oat hi ng. He l ooked bac k
at me, hi s ey es gl um.
" You l ook bet t er , " he ac c us ed.
" J us t k eep y our hand i n y our poc ket , " I war ned hi m agai n.
" I t ' s not bl eedi ng any mor e, " he mut t er ed. " Ar e y ou goi ng bac k t o cl as s ?"
" Ar e y ou k i ddi ng? I ' d j us t hav e t o t ur n ar ound and c ome bac k . "
" Yeah, I gues s … So ar e y ou goi ng t hi s week end? To t he beac h?" Whi l e he
s pok e, he f l as hed anot her gl ar e t owar d Edwar d, who was s t andi ng agai ns t
t he c l ut t er ed c ount er , mot i onl es s as a s c ul pt ur e, s t ar i ng of f i nt o s pac e.
I t r i ed t o s ound as f r i endl y as pos s i bl e. " Sur e, I s ai d I was i n. "
" We' r e meet i ng at my dad' s s t or e, at t en. " Hi s ey es f l i c k er ed t o Edwar d
agai n, wonder i ng i f he was gi v i ng out t oo muc h i nf or mat i on. Hi s body
l anguage made i t c l ear t hat i t was n' t an open i nv i t at i on.
" I ' l l be t her e, " I pr omi s ed.
" I ' l l s ee y ou i n Gy m, t hen, " he sai d, mov i ng unc er t ai nl y t owar d t he door .
" See y ou, " I r epl i ed. He l ook ed at me onc e mor e, hi s r ound f ac e s l i ght l y
pout i ng, and t hen as he wal k ed s l owl y t hr ough t he door , hi s s houl der s
s l umped. A s wel l of s y mpat hy was hed ov er me. I ponder ed s eei ng hi s
di s appoi nt ed f ac e agai n… i n Gy m.
" Gy m, " I gr oaned.
" I c an t ak e c ar e of t hat . " I hadn' t not i c ed Edwar d mov i ng t o my s i de, but
he s pok e now i n my ear . " Go s i t down and l ook pal e, " he mut t er ed.
That was n' t a c hal l enge; I was al way s pal e, and my r ec ent s woon had l ef t
a li ght s heen of s weat on my f ac e. I s at i n one of t he c r eak y f ol di ng
c hai r s and r es t ed my head agai ns t t he wal l wi t h my ey es c l os ed. Fai nt i ng
s pel l s al way s ex haus t ed me.
I hear d Edwar d s peak i ng s of t l y at t he c ount er .
" Ms . Cope?"
" Yes ?" I hadn' t hear d her r et ur n t o her des k .
" Bel l a has Gy m nex t hour , and I don' t t hi nk s he f eel s wel l enough.
Ac t ual l y , I was t hi nk i ng I s houl d t ak e her home now. Do y ou t hi nk y ou
c oul d ex c us e her f r om c l as s ?" Hi s v oi c e was l i k e mel t i ng honey . I c oul d
i magi ne how muc h mor e ov er whel mi ng hi s ey es woul d be.
" Do y ou need t o be ex c us ed, t oo, Edwar d?" Ms . Cope f l ut t er ed. Why
c oul dn' t I do t hat ?
" No, I hav e Mr s . Gof f , s he won' t mi nd. "
" Ok ay , i t ' s al l t ak en c ar e of . You f eel bet t er , Bel l a, " s he c al l ed t o me.
I nodded weak l y , hammi ng i t up j us t a bi t .
" Can y ou wal k , or do y ou want me t o c ar r y y ou agai n?" Wi t h hi s back t o
t he r ec ept i oni s t , hi s ex pr es s i on bec ame s ar c as t i c .
" I ' l l wal k . "
I st ood c ar ef ul l y , and I was s t i l l f i ne. He hel d t he door f or me, hi s
s mi l e pol i t e but hi s ey es moc k i ng. I wal k ed out i nt o t he c ol d, f i ne mi s t
t hat had j us t begun t o f al l . I t f el t ni c e — t he f i r s t t i me I ' d enj oy ed
t he c ons t ant moi s t ur e f al l i ng out of t he s k y — as i t was hed my f ace c l ean
of t he s t i c k y per s pi r at i on.
" Thank s , " I s ai d as he f ol l owed me out . " I t ' s al mos t wor t h get t i ng s i c k
t o mi s s Gy m. "
" Any t i me. " He was s t ar i ng s t r ai ght f or war d, s qui nt i ng i nt o t he r ai n.
" So ar e y ou goi ng? Thi s Sat ur day , I mean?" I was hopi ng he woul d, t hough
i t s eemed unl i k el y . I c oul dn' t pi c t ur e hi m l oadi ng up t o c ar pool wi t h t he
r es t of t he k i ds f r om s c hool ; he di dn' t bel ong i n t he s ame wor l d. But
j us t hopi ng t hat he mi ght gav e me t he f i r s t t wi nge of ent hus i as m I ' d f el t
f or t he out i ng.
" Wher e ar e y ou al l goi ng, ex ac t l y?" He was s t i l l l ook i ng ahead,
ex pr es s i onl es s .
" Down t o La Pus h, t o Fi r s t Beac h. " I s t udi ed hi s f ac e, t r y i ng t o r ead i t .
Hi s ey es s eemed t o nar r ow i nf i ni t es i mal l y .
He gl anc ed down at me f r om t he c or ner of hi s ey e, s mi l i ng wr y l y . " I
r eal l y don' t t hi nk I was i nv i t ed. "
I s i ghed. " I j us t i nv i t ed y ou. "
" Let ' s y ou and I not pus h poor Mi k e any f ur t her t hi s week . We don' t want
hi m t o s nap. " Hi s ey es danc ed; he was enj oy i ng t he i dea mor e t han he
s houl d.
" Mi k e- s c hmi k e. " I mut t er ed, pr eocc upi ed by t he way he' d s ai d " y ou and I . "
I l i k ed i t mor e t han I s houl d.
We wer e near t he par k i ng l ot now. I v eer ed l ef t , t owar d my t r uc k .
Somet hi ng c aught my j ac k et , y ank i ng me bac k .
" Wher e do y ou t hi nk y ou' r e goi ng?" he as k ed, out r aged. He was gr i ppi ng a
f i s t f ul of my j ac k et i n one hand.
I was c onf us ed. " I ' m goi ng home. "
" Di dn' t y ou hear me pr omi s e t o t ak e y ou s af el y home? Do y ou t hi nk I ' m
goi ng t o l et y ou dr i v e i n y our c ondi t i on?" Hi s v oi c e was s t i l l i ndi gnant .
" What c ondi t i on? And what about my t r uc k ?" I c ompl ai ned.
" I ' l l hav e Al i c e dr op i t of f af t er s c hool . " He was t owi ng me t owar d hi s
c ar now, pul l i ng me by my j ac k et . I t was al l I c oul d do t o k eep f r om
f al l i ng bac k war d. He' d pr obabl y j us t dr ag me al ong any way i f I di d.
" Let go! " I i ns i s t ed. He i gnor ed me. I s t agger ed al ong s i deway s acr os s
t he wet s i dewal k unt i l we r eac hed t he Vol v o. Then he f i nal l y f r eed me — I
s t umbl ed agai ns t t he pas s enger door .
" You ar e s o pus hy ! " I gr umbl ed.
" I t ' s open, " was al l he r es ponded. He got i n t he dr i v er ' s s i de.
" I am per f ec t l y c apabl e of dr i v i ng my s el f home! " I s t ood by t he c ar ,
f umi ng. I t was r ai ni ng har der now, and I ' d nev er put my hood up, so my
hai r was dr i ppi ng down my bac k .
He l ower ed t he aut omat i c wi ndow and l eaned t owar d me ac r os s t he s eat .
" Get i n, Bel l a. "
I di dn' t ans wer . I was ment al l y cal c ul at i ng my c hanc es of r eac hi ng t he
t r uc k bef or e he c oul d c at c h me. I had t o admi t , t hey wer en' t good.
" I ' l l j us t dr ag y ou bac k , " he t hr eat ened, gues s i ng my pl an.
I t r i ed t o mai nt ai n what di gni t y I c oul d as I got i nt o hi s c ar . I was n' t
v er y s uc c es s f ul — I l ook ed l i k e a hal f - dr owned c at and my boot s s queak ed.
" Thi s i s c ompl et el y unnec es s ar y , " I s ai d s t i f f l y .
He di dn' t ans wer . He f i ddl ed wi t h t he c ont r ol s , t ur ni ng t he heat er up and
t he mus i c down. As he pul l ed out of t he par k i ng l ot , I was pr epar i ng t o
gi v e hi m t he s i l ent t r eat ment — my f ac e i n f ul l pout mode — but t hen I
r ec ogni z ed t he mus i c pl ay i ng, and my c ur i os i t y got t he bet t er of my
i nt ent i ons .
" Cl ai r de Lune?" I as k ed, s ur pr i sed.
" You k now Debus s y ?" He s ounded s ur pr i s ed, t oo.
" Not wel l , " I admi t t ed. " My mot her pl ay s a l ot of c l as s i c al mus i c ar ound
t he hous e — I onl y k now my f av or i t es . "
" I t ' s one of my f av or i t es , t oo. " He s t ar ed out t hr ough t he r ai n, l os t i n
t hought .
I l i s t ened t o t he mus i c , r el ax i ng agai ns t t he l i ght gr ay l eat her seat . I t
was i mpos s i bl e not t o r es pond t o t he f ami l i ar , s oot hi ng mel ody . The r ai n
bl ur r ed ev er y t hi ng out s i de t he wi ndow i nt o gr ay and gr een s mudges . I
began t o r eal i z e we wer e dr i v i ng v er y f as t ; t he c ar mov ed s o s t eadi l y , s o
ev enl y , t hough, I di dn' t f eel t he s peed. Onl y t he t own f l as hi ng by gav e
i t away .
" What i s y our mot her l i k e?" he ask ed me s uddenl y .
I gl anc ed ov er t o s ee hi m s t udy i ng me wi t h c ur i ous ey es .
" She l ook s a l ot l i k e me, but s he' s pr et t i er , " I s ai d. He r ai s ed hi s
ey ebr ows . " I hav e t oo muc h Char l i e i n me. She' s mor e out goi ng t han I am,
and br av er . She' s i r r es pons i bl e and s l i ght l y ec c ent r i c , and s he' s a v er y
unpr edi c t abl e c ook . She' s my bes t f r i end. " I s t opped. Tal k i ng about her
was mak i ng me depr es s ed.
" How ol d ar e y ou, Bel l a?" Hi s v oi c e s ounded f r us t r at ed f or s ome r eas on I
c oul dn' t i magi ne. He' d s t opped t he c ar , and I r eal i z ed we wer e at
Char l i e' s hous e al r eady . The r ai n was s o heav y t hat I c oul d bar el y s ee
t he hous e at al l . I t was l i k e t he c ar was s ubmer ged under a r i v er .
" I ' m s ev ent een, " I r es ponded, a l i t t l e c onf us ed.
" You don' t s eem s ev ent een. "
Hi s t one was r epr oac hf ul ; i t made me l augh.
" What ?" he as k ed, c ur i ous agai n.
" My mom al way s s ay s I was bor n t hi r t y - f i v e y ear s ol d and t hat I get mor e
mi ddl e- aged ev er y y ear . " I l aughed, and t hen s i ghed. " Wel l , s omeone has
t o be t he adul t . " I paus ed f or a s ec ond. " You don' t s eem muc h l i k e a
j uni or i n hi gh s c hool y our s el f , " I not ed.
He made a f ac e and c hanged t he s ubj ec t .
" So why di d y our mot her mar r y Phi l ?"
I was s ur pr i s ed he woul d r emember t he name; I ' d ment i oned i t j us t onc e,
al mos t t wo mont hs ago. I t t ook me a moment t o ans wer .
" My mot her … s he' s v er y y oung f or her age. I t hi nk Phi l mak es her f eel
ev en y ounger . At any r at e, s he' s c r az y about hi m. " I s hook my head. The
at t r ac t i on was a my s t er y t o me.
" Do y ou appr ov e?" he as k ed.
" Does i t mat t er ?" I c ount er ed. " I want her t o be happy … and he i s who s he
want s . "
" That ' s v er y gener ous … I wonder , " he mus ed.
" What ?"
" Woul d s he ex t end t he s ame c our t es y t o y ou, do y ou t hi nk ? No mat t er who
y our c hoi c e was ?" He was s uddenl y i nt ent , hi s ey es s ear c hi ng mi ne.
" I - I t hi nk s o, " I s t ut t er ed. " But s he' s t he par ent , af t er al l . I t ' s a
l i t t l e bi t di f f er ent . "
" No one t oo s c ar y t hen, " he t eas ed.
I gr i nned i n r es pons e. " What do you mean by s c ar y ? Mul t i pl e f ac i al
pi er c i ngs and ex t ens i v e t at t oos ?"
" That ' s one def i ni t i on, I s uppos e. "
" What ' s y our def i ni t i on?"
But he i gnor ed my ques t i on and ask ed me anot her . " Do y ou t hi nk t hat I
c oul d be s c ar y ?" He r ai s ed one eyebr ow, and t he f ai nt t r ac e of a smi l e
l i ght ened hi s f ac e.
I t hought f or a moment , wonder i ng whet her t he t r ut h or a l i e woul d go
ov er bet t er . I dec i ded t o go wi t h t he t r ut h. " Hmmm… I t hi nk y ou c oul d be,
i f y ou want ed t o. "
" Ar e y ou f r i ght ened of me now?" The s mi l e v ani s hed, and hi s heav enl y f ac e
was s uddenl y s er i ous .
" No. " But I ans wer ed t oo qui c k l y . The s mi l e r et ur ned.
" So, now ar e y ou goi ng t o t el l me about y our f ami l y ?" I as k ed t o di s t r ac t
hi m. " I t ' s got t o be a muc h mor e i nt er es t i ng s t or y t han mi ne. "
He was i ns t ant l y c aut i ous . " What do y ou want t o k now?"
" The Cul l ens adopt ed y ou?" I v er i f i ed.
" Yes . "
I hes i t at ed f or a moment . " What happened t o y our par ent s ?"
" They di ed many y ear s ago. " Hi s t one was mat t er - of - f ac t .
" I ' m s or r y , " I mumbl ed.
" I don' t r eal l y r emember t hem t hat c l ear l y . Car l i s l e and Es me hav e been
my par ent s f or a l ong t i me now. "
" And y ou l ov e t hem. " I t was n' t a ques t i on. I t was obv i ous i n t he way he
s pok e of t hem.
" Yes . " He s mi l ed. " I c oul dn' t i magi ne t wo bet t er peopl e. "
" You' r e v er y l uc k y . "
" I k now I am. "
" And y our br ot her and s i s t er ?"
He gl anc ed at t he c l oc k on t he das hboar d.
" My br ot her and s i s t er , and J as per and Ros al i e f or t hat mat t er , ar e goi ng
t o be qui t e ups et i f t hey hav e t o s t and i n t he r ai n wai t i ng f or me. "
" Oh, s or r y , I gues s y ou hav e t o go. " I di dn' t want t o get out of t he c ar .
" And y ou pr obabl y want y our t r uc k bac k bef or e Chi ef Swan get s home, s o
y ou don' t hav e t o t el l hi m about t he Bi ol ogy i nc i dent . " He gr i nned at me.
" I ' m s ur e he' s al r eady hear d. Ther e ar e no s ec r et s i n For k s . " I s i ghed.
He l aughed, and t her e was an edge t o hi s l aught er .
" Hav e f un at t he beac h… good weat her f or s unbat hi ng. " He gl anc ed out at
t he s heet i ng r ai n.
" Won' t I s ee y ou t omor r ow?"
" No. Emmet t and I ar e s t ar t i ng t he week end ear l y . "
" What ar e y ou goi ng t o do?" A f r i end c oul d as k t hat , r i ght ? I hoped t he
di s appoi nt ment was n' t t oo appar ent i n my v oi c e.
" We' r e goi ng t o be hi k i ng i n t he Goat Roc k s Wi l der nes s , j us t s out h of
Rai ni er . "
I r emember ed Char l i e had s ai d t he Cul l ens went c ampi ng f r equent l y .
" Oh, wel l , hav e f un. " I t r i ed t o s ound ent hus i as t i c . I don' t t hi nk I
f ool ed hi m, t hough. A s mi l e was pl ay i ng ar ound t he edges of hi s l i ps .
" Wi l l y ou do s omet hi ng f or me t hi s week end?" He t ur ned t o l ook me
s t r ai ght i n t he f ac e, ut i l i z i ng t he f ul l power of hi s bur ni ng gol d ey es .
I nodded hel pl es s l y .
" Don' t be of f ended, but y ou s eem t o be one of t hos e peopl e who j ust
at t r ac t ac c i dent s l i k e a magnet . So… t r y not t o f al l i nt o t he oc ean or
get r un ov er or any t hi ng, al l r i ght ?" He s mi l ed c r ook edl y .
The hel pl es s nes s had f aded as he s pok e. I gl ar ed at hi m.
" I ' l l s ee what I c an do, " I s napped as I j umped out i nt o t he r ai n. I
s l ammed t he door behi nd me wi t h ex c es s i v e f or c e.
He was s t i l l s mi l i ng as he dr ov e away .
===========================================================================

6. SCARY STORI ES

As I s at i n my r oom, t r y i ng t o c onc ent r at e on t he t hi r d ac t of Macbet h, I

was r eal l y l i s t eni ng f or my t r uc k. I woul d hav e t hought , ev en ov er t he
poundi ng r ai n, I c oul d hav e hear d t he engi ne' s r oar . But when I went t o
peek out t he c ur t ai n — agai n — i t was s uddenl y t her e.
I was n' t l ook i ng f or war d t o Fr i day , and i t mor e t han l i v ed up t o my
non- ex pec t at i ons . Of c our s e t her e wer e t he f ai nt i ng c omment s . J es si c a
es pec i al l y s eemed t o get a k i c k out of t hat s t or y . Luc k i l y Mi k e had k ept
hi s mout h s hut , and no one s eemed t o k now about Edwar d' s i nv ol v ement . She
di d hav e a l ot of ques t i ons about l unc h, t hough.
" So what di d Edwar d Cul l en want yes t er day ?" J es s i c a as k ed i n Tr i g.
" I don' t k now, " I ans wer ed t r ut hf ul l y . " He nev er r eal l y got t o t he poi nt . "
" You l ook ed k i nd of mad, " s he f i shed.
" Di d I ?" I k ept my ex pr es s i on bl ank .
" You k now, I ' v e nev er s een hi m s i t wi t h any one but hi s f ami l y bef or e.
That was wei r d. "
" Wei r d, " I agr eed. She s eemed annoy ed; s he f l i pped her dar k c ur l s
i mpat i ent l y — I gues s ed s he' d been hopi ng t o hear s omet hi ng t hat woul d
mak e a good s t or y f or her t o pas s on.
The wor s t par t about Fr i day was t hat , ev en t hough I k new he was n' t goi ng
t o be t her e, I s t i l l hoped. When I wal k ed i nt o t he c af et er i a wi t h J es s i c a
and Mi k e, I c oul dn' t k eep f r om l ook i ng at hi s t abl e, wher e Ros al i e,
Al i c e, and J as per s at t al k i ng, heads c l os e t oget her . And I c oul dn' t s t op
t he gl oom t hat engul f ed me as I r eal i z ed I di dn' t k now how l ong I woul d
hav e t o wai t bef or e I s aw hi m agai n.
At my us ual t abl e, ev er y one was f ul l of our pl ans f or t he nex t day. Mi k e
was ani mat ed agai n, put t i ng a gr eat deal of t r us t i n t he l oc al weat her man
who pr omi s ed s un t omor r ow. I ' d hav e t o s ee t hat bef or e I bel i ev ed i t . But
i t was war mer t oday — al mos t si xt y. May be t he out i ng woul dn' t be
c ompl et el y mi s er abl e.
I i nt er c ept ed a f ew unf r i endl y gl anc es f r om Laur en dur i ng l unc h, whi c h I
di dn' t under s t and unt i l we wer e al l wal k i ng out of t he r oom t oget her . I
was r i ght behi nd her , j us t a f oot f r om her s l i c k , s i l v er bl ond hai r , and
s he was ev i dent l y unawar e of t hat .
" …don' t k now why Bel l a" — s he s neer ed my name — " does n' t j us t s i t wi t h
t he Cul l ens f r om now on. "
I hear d her mut t er i ng t o Mi k e. I ' d nev er not i c ed what an unpl eas ant ,
nas al v oi c e s he had, and I was s ur pr i s ed by t he mal i c e i n i t . I r eal l y
di dn' t k now her wel l at al l , c er t ai nl y not wel l enough f or her t o di s l i k e
me — or s o I ' d t hought . " She' s my f r i end; s he s i t s wi t h us , " Mi k e
whi s per ed bac k l oy al l y , but al s o a bi t t er r i t or i al l y . I paus ed t o l et
J es s and Angel a pas s me. I di dn' t want t o hear any mor e.

That ni ght at di nner , Char l i e s eemed ent hus i as t i c about my t r i p t o La

Pus h i n t he mor ni ng. I t hi nk he f el t gui l t y f or l eav i ng me home al one on
t he week ends , but he' d s pent t oo many y ear s bui l di ng hi s habi t s t o br eak
t hem now. Of c our s e he k new t he names of al l t he k i ds goi ng, and t hei r
par ent s , and t hei r gr eat - gr andpar ent s , t oo, pr obabl y . He s eemed t o
appr ov e. I wonder ed i f he woul d appr ov e of my pl an t o r i de t o Seat t l e
wi t h Edwar d Cul l en. Not t hat I was goi ng t o t el l hi m.
" Dad, do y ou k now a pl ac e c al l ed Goat Roc k s or s omet hi ng l i k e t hat ? I
t hi nk i t ' s s out h of Mount Rai ni er , " I as k ed c as ual l y .
" Yeah — why ?"
I s hr ugged. " Some k i ds wer e t al k i ng about c ampi ng t her e. "
" I t ' s not a v er y good pl ac e f or campi ng. " He s ounded s ur pr i s ed. " Too many
bear s . Mos t peopl e go t her e dur i ng t he hunt i ng s eas on. "
" Oh, " I mur mur ed. " May be I got t he name wr ong. "
I meant t o s l eep i n, but an unus ual br i ght nes s wok e me. I opened my ey es
t o s ee a c l ear y el l ow l i ght s t r eami ng t hr ough my wi ndow. I c oul dn' t
bel i ev e i t . I hur r i ed t o t he wi ndow t o c hec k , and s ur e enough, t her e was
t he s un. I t was i n t he wr ong pl ace i n t he s k y , t oo l ow, and i t di dn' t
s eem t o be as c l os e as i t s houl d be, but i t was def i ni t el y t he s un.
Cl ouds r i nged t he hor i z on, but a l ar ge pat c h of bl ue was v i s i bl e i n t he
mi ddl e. I l i nger ed by t he wi ndow as l ong as I c oul d, af r ai d t hat i f I
l ef t t he bl ue woul d di s appear agai n.
The Newt ons ' Ol y mpi c Out f i t t er s st or e was j us t nor t h of t own. I ' d s een
t he s t or e, but I ' d nev er s t opped t her e — not hav i ng muc h need f or any
s uppl i es r equi r ed f or bei ng out door s ov er an ex t ended per i od of t i me. I n
t he par k i ng l ot I r ec ogni z ed Mi k e' s Subur ban and Ty l er ' s Sent r a. As I
pul l ed up nex t t o t hei r v ehi c l es , I c oul d s ee t he gr oup s t andi ng ar ound
i n f r ont of t he Subur ban. Er i c was t her e, al ong wi t h t wo ot her boys I had
c l as s wi t h; I was f ai r l y s ur e t hei r names wer e Ben and Conner . J ess was
t her e, f l ank ed by Angel a and Laur en. Thr ee ot her gi r l s s t ood wi t h t hem,
i nc l udi ng one I r emember ed f al l i ng ov er i n Gy m on Fr i day . That one gav e
me a di r t y l ook as I got out of t he t r uc k , and whi s per ed s omet hi ng t o
Laur en. Laur en s hook out her c or ns i l k hai r and ey ed me s c or nf ul l y .
So i t was goi ng t o be one of t hose day s .
At l eas t Mi k e was happy t o s ee me.
" You c ame! " he c al l ed, del i ght ed. " And I s ai d i t woul d be s unny t oday ,
di dn' t I ?"
" I t ol d y ou I was c omi ng, " I r emi nded hi m.
" We' r e j us t wai t i ng f or Lee and Samant ha… unl es s y ou i nv i t ed s omeone, "
Mi k e added.
" Nope, " I l i ed l i ght l y , hopi ng I woul dn' t get c aught i n t he l i e. But al s o
wi s hi ng t hat a mi r ac l e woul d oc c ur , and Edwar d woul d appear .
Mi k e l ook ed s at i s f i ed.
" Wi l l y ou r i de i n my c ar ? I t ' s t hat or Lee' s mom' s mi ni v an. "
" Sur e. "
He s mi l ed bl i s s f ul l y . I t was s o eas y t o mak e Mi k e happy .
" You c an hav e s hot gun, " he pr omi sed. I hi d my c hagr i n. I t was n' t as
s i mpl e t o mak e Mi k e and J es s i c a happy at t he s ame t i me. I c oul d s ee
J es s i c a gl ower i ng at us now.
The number s wor k ed out i n my f av or , t hough. Lee br ought t wo ex t r a peopl e,
and s uddenl y ev er y s eat was nec ess ar y . I managed t o wedge J es s i n bet ween
Mi k e and me i n t he f r ont s eat of t he Subur ban. Mi k e c oul d hav e been mor e
gr ac ef ul about i t , but at l eas t Jes s s eemed appeas ed.
I t was onl y f i f t een mi l es t o La Pus h f r om For k s , wi t h gor geous , dens e
gr een f or es t s edgi ng t he r oad most of t he way and t he wi de Qui l l ayut e
Ri v er s nak i ng beneat h i t t wi c e. I was gl ad I had t he wi ndow s eat . We' d
r ol l ed t he wi ndows down — t he Subur ban was a bi t c l aus t r ophobi c wi t h ni ne
peopl e i n i t — and I t r i ed t o absor b as muc h s unl i ght as pos s i bl e.
I ' d been t o t he beac hes ar ound La Pus h many t i mes dur i ng my For k s s ummer s
wi t h Char l i e, s o t he mi l e- l ong c r es c ent of Fi r s t Beac h was f ami l i ar t o
me. I t was s t i l l br eat ht ak i ng. The wat er was dar k gr ay , ev en i n t he
s unl i ght , whi t e- c apped and heav i ng t o t he gr ay , r oc k y s hor e. I s l ands r os e
out of t he s t eel har bor wat er s wi t h s heer c l i f f s i des , r eac hi ng t o unev en
s ummi t s , and c r owned wi t h aus t er e, s oar i ng f i r s . The beac h had onl y a
t hi n bor der of ac t ual s and at t he wat er ' s edge, af t er whi c h i t gr ew i nt o
mi l l i ons of l ar ge, s moot h s t ones t hat l ook ed uni f or ml y gr ay f r om a
di s t anc e, but c l os e up wer e ev er y s hade a s t one c oul d be: t er r a- c ot t a,
s ea gr een, l av ender , bl ue gr ay , dul l gol d. The t i de l i ne was s t r ewn wi t h
huge dr i f t wood t r ees , bl eac hed bone whi t e i n t he s al t wav es , s ome pi l ed
t oget her agai ns t t he edge of t he f or es t f r i nge, s ome l y i ng s ol i t ar y , j us t
out of r eac h of t he wav es .
Ther e was a br i s k wi nd c omi ng of f t he wav es , c ool and br i ny . Pel i cans
f l oat ed on t he s wel l s whi l e s eagul l s and a l one eagl e wheel ed above t hem.
The c l ouds s t i l l c i r c l ed t he s k y , t hr eat eni ng t o i nv ade at any moment ,
but f or now t he s un s hone br av el y i n i t s hal o of bl ue s k y .
We pi c k ed our way down t o t he beac h, Mi k e l eadi ng t he way t o a r i ng of
dr i f t wood l ogs t hat had obv i ous l y been us ed f or par t i es l i k e our s bef or e.
Ther e was a f i r e c i r c l e al r eady i n pl ac e, f i l l ed wi t h bl ac k as hes . Er i c
and t he boy I t hought was named Ben gat her ed br ok en br anc hes of dr i f t wood
f r om t he dr i er pi l es agai ns t t he f or es t edge, and s oon had a
t eepee- s haped c ons t r uc t i on bui l t at op t he ol d c i nder s .
" Hav e y ou ev er s een a dr i f t wood f i r e?" Mi k e as k ed me. I was s i t t i ng on
one of t he bone- c ol or ed benc hes ; t he ot her gi r l s c l us t er ed, gos s i pi ng
ex c i t edl y , on ei t her s i de of me. Mi k e k neel ed by t he f i r e, l i ght i ng one
of t he s mal l er s t i c k s wi t h a c i gar et t e l i ght er .
" No, " I s ai d as he pl ac ed t he bl az i ng t wi g c ar ef ul l y agai ns t t he t eepee.
" You' l l l i k e t hi s t hen — wat c h t he c ol or s . " He l i t anot her s mal l br anc h
and l ai d i t al ongs i de t he f i r s t . The f l ames s t ar t ed t o l i c k qui c k l y up
t he dr y wood.
" I t ' s bl ue, " I s ai d i n s ur pr i s e.
" The s al t does i t . Pr et t y , i s n' t i t ?" He l i t one mor e pi ec e, pl ac ed i t
wher e t he f i r e hadn' t y et c aught , and t hen c ame t o s i t by me. Thank f ul l y ,
J es s was on hi s ot her s i de. She t ur ned t o hi m and c l ai med hi s at t ent i on.
I wat c hed t he s t r ange bl ue and gr een f l ames c r ac k l e t owar d t he s k y.
Af t er a hal f hour of c hat t er , s ome of t he boy s want ed t o hi k e t o t he
near by t i dal pool s . I t was a di l emma. On t he one hand, I l ov ed t he t i de
pool s . They had f as c i nat ed me s i nc e I was a c hi l d; t hey wer e one of t he
onl y t hi ngs I ev er l ook ed f or war d t o when I had t o c ome t o For k s . On t he
ot her hand, I ' d al s o f al l en i nt o t hem a l ot . Not a bi g deal when you' re
s ev en and wi t h y our dad. I t r emi nded me of Edwar d' s r eques t — t hat I not
f al l i nt o t he oc ean.
Laur en was t he one who made my dec i s i on f or me. She di dn' t want t o hi k e,
and s he was def i ni t el y wear i ng t he wr ong s hoes f or i t . Mos t of t he ot her
gi r l s bes i des Angel a and J es s i c a dec i ded t o s t ay on t he beac h as wel l . I
wai t ed unt i l Ty l er and Er i c had commi t t ed t o r emai ni ng wi t h t hem bef or e I
got up qui et l y t o j oi n t he pr o- hi k i ng gr oup. Mi k e gav e me a huge smi l e
when he s aw t hat I was c omi ng.
The hi k e was n' t t oo l ong, t hough I hat ed t o l os e t he s k y i n t he woods .
The gr een l i ght of t he f or es t was s t r angel y at odds wi t h t he adol es c ent
l aught er , t oo mur k y and omi nous t o be i n har mony wi t h t he l i ght bant er
ar ound me. I had t o wat c h eac h s t ep I t ook v er y c ar ef ul l y , av oi di ng r oot s
bel ow and br anc hes abov e, and I soon f el l behi nd. Ev ent ual l y I br ok e
t hr ough t he emer al d c onf i nes of t he f or es t and f ound t he r oc k y s hor e
agai n. I t was l ow t i de, and a t i dal r i v er f l owed pas t us on i t s way t o
t he s ea. Al ong i t s pebbl ed bank s , s hal l ow pool s t hat nev er c ompl et el y
dr ai ned wer e t eemi ng wi t h l i f e.
I was v er y c aut i ous not t o l ean t oo f ar ov er t he l i t t l e oc ean ponds . The
ot her s wer e f ear l es s , l eapi ng ov er t he r oc k s , per c hi ng pr ec ar i ous l y on
t he edges . I f ound a v er y s t abl e- l ook i ng r oc k on t he f r i nge of one of t he
l ar ges t pool s and s at t her e c aut i ous l y , s pel l bound by t he nat ur al
aquar i um bel ow me. The bouquet s of br i l l i ant anemones undul at ed
c eas el es s l y i n t he i nv i s i bl e c ur r ent , t wi s t ed s hel l s s c ur r i ed about t he
edges , obs c ur i ng t he c r abs wi t hi n t hem, s t ar f i s h s t uc k mot i onl es s t o t he
r oc k s and eac h ot her , whi l e one smal l bl ac k eel wi t h whi t e r ac i ng s t r i pes
wov e t hr ough t he br i ght gr een weeds , wai t i ng f or t he s ea t o r et ur n. I was
c ompl et el y abs or bed, ex c ept f or one s mal l par t of my mi nd t hat wonder ed
what Edwar d was doi ng now, and t r y i ng t o i magi ne what he woul d be s ay i ng
i f he wer e her e wi t h me.
Fi nal l y t he boy s wer e hungr y , and I got up s t i f f l y t o f ol l ow t hem bac k . I
t r i ed t o k eep up bet t er t hi s t i me t hr ough t he woods , s o nat ur al l y I f el l
a f ew t i mes . I got s ome s hal l ow sc r apes on my pal ms , and t he k nees of my
j eans wer e s t ai ned gr een, but i t c oul d hav e been wor s e.
When we got bac k t o Fi r s t Beac h, t he gr oup we' d l ef t behi nd had
mul t i pl i ed. As we got c l os er we coul d s ee t he s hi ni ng, s t r ai ght bl ac k
hai r and c opper s k i n of t he newc omer s , t eenager s f r om t he r es er v at i on
c ome t o s oc i al i z e.
The f ood was al r eady bei ng pas s ed ar ound, and t he boy s hur r i ed t o c l ai m a
s har e whi l e Er i c i nt r oduc ed us as we eac h ent er ed t he dr i f t wood c i r c l e.
Angel a and I wer e t he l as t t o ar r i v e, and, as Er i c s ai d our names , I
not i c ed a y ounger boy s i t t i ng on t he s t ones near t he f i r e gl anc e up at me
i n i nt er es t . I s at down nex t t o Angel a, and Mi k e br ought us s andwi c hes
and an ar r ay of s odas t o c hoos e f r om, whi l e a boy who l ook ed t o be t he
ol des t of t he v i s i t or s r at t l ed of f t he names of t he s ev en ot her s wi t h
hi m. Al l I c aught was t hat one of t he gi r l s was al s o named J es s i c a, and
t he boy who not i c ed me was named J ac ob.
I t was r el ax i ng t o s i t wi t h Angel a; s he was a r es t f ul k i nd of per son t o
be ar ound — s he di dn' t f eel t he need t o f i l l ev er y s i l enc e wi t h c hat t er .
She l ef t me f r ee t o t hi nk undi s t ur bed whi l e we at e. And I was t hi nk i ng
about how di s j oi nt edl y t i me s eemed t o f l ow i n For k s , pas s i ng i n a bl ur at
t i mes , wi t h s i ngl e i mages s t andi ng out mor e c l ear l y t han ot her s . And
t hen, at ot her t i mes , ev er y s ec ond was s i gni f i c ant , et c hed i n my mi nd. I
k new ex ac t l y what c aus ed t he di f f er enc e, and i t di s t ur bed me.
Dur i ng l unc h t he c l ouds s t ar t ed t o adv anc e, s l i nk i ng ac r os s t he bl ue s k y ,
dar t i ng i n f r ont of t he s un moment ar i l y , c as t i ng l ong s hadows ac r os s t he
beac h, and bl ac k eni ng t he wav es . As t hey f i ni s hed eat i ng, peopl e st ar t ed
t o dr i f t away i n t wos and t hr ees . Some wal k ed down t o t he edge of t he
wav es , t r y i ng t o s k i p r oc k s ac r oss t he c hoppy s ur f ac e. Ot her s wer e
gat her i ng a s ec ond ex pedi t i on t o t he t i de pool s . Mi k e — wi t h J es s i c a
s hadowi ng hi m — headed up t o t he one s hop i n t he v i l l age. Some of t he
l oc al k i ds went wi t h t hem; ot her s went al ong on t he hi k e. By t he t i me
t hey al l had s c at t er ed, I was s i t t i ng al one on my dr i f t wood l og, wi t h
Laur en and Ty l er oc c upy i ng t hems el v es by t he CD pl ay er s omeone had
t hought t o br i ng, and t hr ee t eenager s f r om t he r es er v at i on per c hed ar ound
t he c i r c l e, i nc l udi ng t he boy named J ac ob and t he ol des t boy who had
ac t ed as s pok es per s on.
A f ew mi nut es af t er Angel a l ef t wi t h t he hi k er s , J ac ob s aunt er ed ov er to
t ak e her pl ac e by my s i de. He l ook ed f our t een, may be f i f t een, and had
l ong, gl os s y bl ac k hai r pul l ed bac k wi t h a r ubber band at t he nape of hi s
nec k . Hi s s k i n was beaut i f ul , s i l k y and r us s et - c ol or ed; hi s ey es wer e
dar k , s et deep abov e t he hi gh pl anes of hi s c heek bones . He s t i l l had j us t
a hi nt of c hi l di s h r oundnes s l ef t ar ound hi s c hi n. Al t oget her , a ver y
pr et t y f ac e. Howev er , my pos i t i v e opi ni on of hi s l ook s was damaged by t he
f i r s t wor ds out of hi s mout h.
" You' r e I s abel l a Swan, ar en' t y ou?"
I t was l i k e t he f i r s t day of s c hool al l ov er agai n.
" Bel l a, " I s i ghed.
" I ' m J ac ob Bl ac k . " He hel d hi s hand out i n a f r i endl y ges t ur e. " You
bought my dad' s t r uc k . "
" Oh, " I s ai d, r el i ev ed, s hak i ng hi s s l eek hand. " You' r e Bi l l y ' s s on. I
pr obabl y s houl d r emember y ou. "
" No, I ' m t he y ounges t of t he f ami l y — y ou woul d r emember my ol der
s i s t er s . "
" Rac hel and Rebec c a, " I s uddenl y r ec al l ed. Char l i e and Bi l l y had t hr own
us t oget her a l ot dur i ng my v i s i t s , t o k eep us bus y whi l e t hey f i shed. We
wer e al l t oo s hy t o mak e muc h pr ogr es s as f r i ends . Of c our s e, I ' d k i c k ed
up enough t ant r ums t o end t he f i shi ng t r i ps by t he t i me I was el even.
" Ar e t hey her e?" I ex ami ned t he gi r l s at t he oc ean' s edge, wonder i ng i f I
woul d r ec ogni z e t hem now.
" No. " J ac ob s hook hi s head. " Rac hel got a s c hol ar s hi p t o Was hi ngt on
St at e, and Rebec c a mar r i ed a Samoan s ur f er — s he l i v es i n Hawai i now. "
" Mar r i ed. Wow. " I was s t unned. The t wi ns wer e onl y a l i t t l e ov er a y ear
ol der t han I was .
" So how do y ou l i k e t he t r uc k ?" he as k ed.
" I l ov e i t . I t r uns gr eat . "
" Yeah, but i t ' s r eal l y s l ow, " he l aughed. " I was s o r el i v ed when Char l i e
bought i t . My dad woul dn' t l et me wor k on bui l di ng anot her c ar when we
had a per f ec t l y good v ehi c l e r i ght t her e. "
" I t ' s not t hat s l ow, " I obj ec t ed.
" Hav e y ou t r i ed t o go ov er s i x t y ?"
" No, " I admi t t ed.
" Good. Don' t . " He gr i nned.
I c oul dn' t hel p gr i nni ng bac k . " I t does gr eat i n a c ol l i s i on, " I of f er ed
i n my t r uc k ' s def ens e.
" I don' t t hi nk a t ank c oul d t ak e out t hat ol d mons t er , " he agr eed wi t h
anot her l augh.
" So y ou bui l d c ar s ?" I as k ed, i mpr es s ed.
" When I hav e f r ee t i me, and par t s. You woul dn' t happen t o k now wher e I
c oul d get my hands on a mas t er c yl i nder f or a 1986 Vol k s wagen Rabbi t ?" he
added j ok i ngl y . He had a pl eas ant , hus k y v oi c e.
" Sor r y , " I l aughed, " I hav en' t s een any l at el y , but I ' l l k eep my ey es
open f or y ou. " As i f I k new what t hat was . He was v er y eas y t o t al k wi t h.
He f l as hed a br i l l i ant s mi l e, l ook i ng at me appr ec i at i v el y i n a way I was
l ear ni ng t o r ec ogni z e. I was n' t t he onl y one who not i c ed.
" You k now Bel l a, J ac ob?" Laur en as k ed — i n what I i magi ned was an
i ns ol ent t one — f r om ac r os s t he f i r e.
" We' v e s or t of k nown eac h ot her si nc e I was bor n, " he l aughed, s mi l i ng at
me agai n.
" How ni c e. " She di dn' t s ound l i k e s he t hought i t was ni c e at al l , and her
pal e, f i s hy ey es nar r owed.
" Bel l a, " s he c al l ed agai n, wat c hi ng my f ac e c ar ef ul l y , " I was j us t s ay i ng
t o Ty l er t hat i t was t oo bad none of t he Cul l ens c oul d c ome out t oday .
Di dn' t any one t hi nk t o i nv i t e t hem?" Her ex pr es s i on of c onc er n was
unc onv i nc i ng.
" You mean Dr . Car l i s l e Cul l en' s f ami l y ?" t he t al l , ol der boy as k ed bef or e
I c oul d r es pond, muc h t o Laur en' s i r r i t at i on. He was r eal l y c l os er t o a
man t han a boy , and hi s v oi c e was v er y deep.
" Yes , do y ou k now t hem?" s he as k ed c ondes c endi ngl y , t ur ni ng hal f way
t owar d hi m.
" The Cul l ens don' t c ome her e, " he s ai d i n a t one t hat c l os ed t he subj ec t ,
i gnor i ng her ques t i on.
Ty l er , t r y i ng t o wi n bac k her at t ent i on, as k ed Laur en' s opi ni on on a CD
he hel d. She was di s t r ac t ed.
I s t ar ed at t he deep- v oi c ed boy , t ak en abac k , but he was l ook i ng away
t owar d t he dar k f or es t behi nd us . He' d s ai d t hat t he Cul l ens di dn' t c ome
her e, but hi s t one had i mpl i ed s omet hi ng mor e — t hat t hey wer en' t
al l owed; t hey wer e pr ohi bi t ed. Hi s manner l ef t a s t r ange i mpr es s i on on
me, and I t r i ed t o i gnor e i t wi t hout s uc c es s .
J ac ob i nt er r upt ed my medi t at i on. " So i s For k s dr i v i ng y ou i ns ane yet ?"
" Oh, I ' d s ay t hat ' s an under s t at ement . " I gr i mac ed. He gr i nned
under s t andi ngl y .
I was s t i l l t ur ni ng ov er t he br i ef c omment on t he Cul l ens , and I had a
s udden i ns pi r at i on. I t was a s t upi d pl an, but I di dn' t hav e any bet t er
i deas . I hoped t hat y oung J ac ob was as y et i nex per i enc ed ar ound gi r l s , s o
t hat he woul dn' t s ee t hr ough my sur e- t o- be- pi t i f ul at t empt s at f l i r t i ng.
" Do y ou want t o wal k down t he beac h wi t h me?" I as k ed, t r y i ng t o i mi t at e
t hat way Edwar d had of l ook i ng up f r om under neat h hi s ey el as hes . I t
c oul dn' t hav e near l y t he s ame ef f ec t , I was s ur e, but J ac ob j umped up
wi l l i ngl y enough.
As we wal k ed nor t h ac r os s t he mul t i hued s t ones t owar d t he dr i f t wood
s eawal l , t he c l ouds f i nal l y c l os ed r ank s ac r os s t he s k y , c aus i ng t he s ea
t o dar k en and t he t emper at ur e t o dr op. I s hov ed my hands deep i nt o t he
poc k et s of my j ac k et .
" So y ou' r e, what , s i x t een?" I as ked, t r y i ng not t o l ook l i k e an i di ot as
I f l ut t er ed my ey el i ds t he way I ' d s een gi r l s do on TV.
" I j us t t ur ned f i f t een, " he c onf es s ed, f l at t er ed.
" Real l y ?" My f ac e was f ul l of f al s e s ur pr i s e. " I woul d hav e t hought y ou
wer e ol der . "
" I ' m t al l f or my age, " he ex pl ai ned.
" Do y ou c ome up t o For k s muc h?" I as k ed ar c hl y , as i f I was hopi ng f or a
y es . I s ounded i di ot i c t o my s el f . I was af r ai d he woul d t ur n on me wi t h
di s gus t and ac c us e me of my f r aud, but he s t i l l s eemed f l at t er ed.
" Not t oo muc h, " he admi t t ed wi t h a f r own. " But when I get my c ar f i ni s hed
I c an go up as muc h as I want — af t er I get my l i c ens e, " he amended.
" Who was t hat ot her boy Laur en was t al k i ng t o? He s eemed a l i t t l e ol d t o
be hangi ng out wi t h us . " I pur posef ul l y l umped my s el f i n wi t h t he
y oungs t er s , t r y i ng t o mak e i t c l ear t hat I pr ef er r ed J ac ob.
" That ' s Sam — he' s ni net een, " he i nf or med me.
" What was t hat he was s ay i ng about t he doc t or ' s f ami l y ?" I as k ed
i nnoc ent l y .
" The Cul l ens ? Oh, t hey ' r e not s uppos ed t o c ome ont o t he r es er v at i on. " He
l ook ed away , out t owar d J ames I s l and, as he c onf i r med what I ' d t hought
I ' d hear d i n Sam' s v oi c e.
" Why not ?"
He gl anc ed bac k at me, bi t i ng hi s l i p. " Oops . I ' m not s uppos ed t o s ay
any t hi ng about t hat . "
" Oh, I won' t t el l any one, I ' m j ust c ur i ous . " I t r i ed t o mak e my s mi l e
al l ur i ng, wonder i ng i f I was l ay i ng i t on t oo t hi c k .
He s mi l ed bac k , t hough, l ook i ng al l ur ed. Then he l i f t ed one ey ebr ow and
hi s v oi c e was ev en hus k i er t han bef or e.
" Do y ou l i k e s c ar y s t or i es ?" he as k ed omi nous l y .
" I l ov e t hem, " I ent hus ed, mak i ng an ef f or t t o s mol der at hi m.
J ac ob s t r ol l ed t o a near by dr i f t wood t r ee t hat had i t s r oot s s t i c ki ng out
l i k e t he at t enuat ed l egs of a huge, pal e s pi der . He per c hed l i ght l y on
one of t he t wi s t ed r oot s whi l e I s at beneat h hi m on t he body of t he t r ee.
He s t ar ed down at t he r oc k s , a s mi l e hov er i ng ar ound t he edges of hi s
br oad l i ps . I c oul d s ee he was goi ng t o t r y t o mak e t hi s good. I f oc us ed
on k eepi ng t he v i t al i nt er es t I f el t out of my ey es .
" Do y ou k now any of our ol d s t or i es , about wher e we c ame f r om — t he
Qui l eut es , I mean?" he began.
" Not r eal l y , " I admi t t ed.
" Wel l , t her e ar e l ot s of l egends , s ome of t hem c l ai mi ng t o dat e bac k t o
t he Fl ood — s uppos edl y , t he anc i ent Qui l eut es t i ed t hei r c anoes t o t he
t ops of t he t al l es t t r ees on t he mount ai n t o s ur v i v e l i k e Noah and t he
ar k . " He s mi l ed, t o s how me how l i t t l e s t oc k he put i n t he hi s t or i es .
" Anot her l egend c l ai ms t hat we des c ended f r om wol v es — and t hat t he
wol v es ar e our br ot her s s t i l l . I t ' s agai ns t t r i bal l aw t o k i l l t hem.
" Then t her e ar e t he s t or i es about t he c ol d ones . " Hi s v oi c e dr opped a
l i t t l e l ower .
" The c ol d ones ?" I as k ed, not f aki ng my i nt r i gue now.
" Yes . Ther e ar e s t or i es of t he c ol d ones as ol d as t he wol f l egends , and
s ome muc h mor e r ec ent . Ac c or di ng t o l egend, my own gr eat - gr andf at her k new
s ome of t hem. He was t he one who made t he t r eat y t hat k ept t hem of f our
l and. " He r ol l ed hi s ey es .
" Your gr eat - gr andf at her ?" I enc our aged.
" He was a t r i bal el der , l i k e my f at her . You s ee, t he c ol d ones ar e t he
nat ur al enemi es of t he wol f —wel l , not t he wol f , r eal l y , but t he wol v es
t hat t ur n i nt o men, l i k e our anc es t or s . You woul d c al l t hem wer ewol v es . "
" Wer ewol v es hav e enemi es ?"
" Onl y one. "
I s t ar ed at hi m ear nes t l y , hopi ng t o di s gui s e my i mpat i enc e as admi r at i on.
" So y ou s ee, " J ac ob c ont i nued, " t he c ol d ones ar e t r adi t i onal l y our
enemi es . But t hi s pac k t hat c ame t o our t er r i t or y dur i ng my
gr eat - gr andf at her ' s t i me was di f f er ent . They di dn' t hunt t he way ot her s
of t hei r k i nd di d — t hey wer en' t s uppos ed t o be danger ous t o t he t r i be.
So my gr eat - gr andf at her made a t r uc e wi t h t hem. I f t hey woul d pr omi s e t o
s t ay of f our l ands , we woul dn' t ex pos e t hem t o t he pal e- f ac es . " He wi nk ed
at me.
" I f t hey wer en' t danger ous , t hen why … ?" I t r i ed t o under s t and,
s t r uggl i ng not t o l et hi m s ee how s er i ous l y I was c ons i der i ng hi s ghos t
s t or y .
" Ther e' s al way s a r i s k f or humans t o be ar ound t he c ol d ones , ev en i f
t hey ' r e c i v i l i z ed l i k e t hi s c l an was . You nev er k now when t hey mi ght get
t oo hungr y t o r es i s t . " He del i ber at el y wor k ed a t hi c k edge of menac e i nt o
hi s t one.
" What do y ou mean, ' c i v i l i z ed' ?"
" They c l ai med t hat t hey di dn' t hunt humans . They s uppos edl y wer e somehow
abl e t o pr ey on ani mal s i ns t ead. "
I t r i ed t o k eep my v oi c e c as ual . " So how does i t f i t i n wi t h t he Cul l ens ?
Ar e t hey l i k e t he c ol d ones y our gr eat gr andf at her met ?"
" No. " He paus ed dr amat i c al l y . " They ar e t he s ame ones . "
He mus t hav e t hought t he ex pr es s i on on my f ac e was f ear i ns pi r ed by hi s
s t or y . He s mi l ed, pl eas ed, and c ont i nued.
" Ther e ar e mor e of t hem now, a new f emal e and a new mal e, but t he r es t
ar e t he s ame. I n my gr eat - gr andf at her ' s t i me t hey al r eady k new of t he
l eader , Car l i s l e. He' d been her e and gone bef or e y our peopl e had ev en
ar r i v ed. " He was f i ght i ng a s mi l e.
" And what ar e t hey ?" I f i nal l y ask ed. " What ar e t he c ol d ones ?"
He s mi l ed dar k l y .
" Bl ood dr i nk er s , " he r epl i ed i n a c hi l l i ng v oi c e. " Your peopl e c al l t hem
v ampi r es . "
I s t ar ed out at t he r ough s ur f af t er he ans wer ed, not s ur e what my f ac e
was ex pos i ng.
" You hav e goos e bumps , " he l aughed del i ght edl y .
" You' r e a good s t or y t el l er , " I c ompl i ment ed hi m, s t i l l s t ar i ng i nt o t he
wav es .
" Pr et t y c r az y s t uf f , t hough, i s n' t i t ? No wonder my dad does n' t want us
t o t al k about i t t o any one. "
I c oul dn' t c ont r ol my ex pr es s i on enough t o l ook at hi m y et . " Don' t wor r y ,
I won' t gi v e y ou away . "
" I gues s I j us t v i ol at ed t he t r eat y , " he l aughed.
" I ' l l t ak e i t t o t he gr av e, " I pr omi s ed, and t hen I s hi v er ed.
" Ser i ous l y , t hough, don' t s ay anyt hi ng t o Char l i e. He was pr et t y mad at
my dad when he hear d t hat s ome of us wer en' t goi ng t o t he hos pi t al s i nc e
Dr . Cul l en s t ar t ed wor k i ng t her e. "
" I won' t , of c our s e not . "
" So do y ou t hi nk we' r e a bunc h of s uper s t i t i ous nat i v es or what ?" he
as k ed i n a pl ay f ul t one, but wi t h a hi nt of wor r y . I s t i l l hadn' t l ook ed
away f r om t he oc ean.
I t ur ned and s mi l ed at hi m as nor mal l y as I c oul d.
" No. I t hi nk y ou' r e v er y good at t el l i ng s c ar y s t or i es , t hough. I s t i l l
hav e goos e bumps , s ee?" I hel d up my ar m.
" Cool . " He s mi l ed.
And t hen t he s ound of t he beac h r oc k s c l at t er i ng agai ns t eac h ot her
war ned us t hat s omeone was appr oac hi ng. Our heads s napped up at t he s ame
t i me t o s ee Mi k e and J es s i c a about f i f t y y ar ds away , wal k i ng t owar d us .
" Ther e y ou ar e, Bel l a, " Mi k e c al l ed i n r el i ef , wav i ng hi s ar m ov er hi s
head.
" I s t hat y our boy f r i end?" J ac ob as k ed, al er t ed by t he j eal ous edge i n
Mi k e' s v oi c e. I was s ur pr i s ed i t was s o obv i ous .
" No, def i ni t el y not , " I whi s per ed. I was t r emendous l y gr at ef ul t o J ac ob,
and eager t o mak e hi m as happy as pos s i bl e. I wi nk ed at hi m, c ar ef ul l y
t ur ni ng away f r om Mi k e t o do s o. He s mi l ed, el at ed by my i nept f l i r t i ng.
" So when I get my l i c ens e…" he began.
" You s houl d c ome s ee me i n For k s . We c oul d hang out s omet i me. " I f el t
gui l t y as I s ai d t hi s , k nowi ng t hat I ' d us ed hi m. But I r eal l y di d l i k e
J ac ob. He was s omeone I c oul d easi l y be f r i ends wi t h.
Mi k e had r eac hed us now, wi t h J ess i c a s t i l l a f ew pac es bac k . I c oul d s ee
hi s ey es appr ai s i ng J ac ob, and l ook i ng s at i s f i ed at hi s obv i ous y out h.
" Wher e hav e y ou been?" he as k ed, t hough t he ans wer was r i ght i n f r ont of
hi m.
" J ac ob was j us t t el l i ng me s ome l oc al s t or i es , " I v ol unt eer ed. " I t was
r eal l y i nt er es t i ng. "
I s mi l ed at J ac ob war ml y , and he gr i nned bac k .
" Wel l , " Mi k e paus ed, c ar ef ul l y r eas s es s i ng t he s i t uat i on as he wat c hed
our c amar ader i e. " We' r e pac k i ng up — i t l ook s l i k e i t ' s goi ng t o r ai n
s oon. "
We al l l ook ed up at t he gl ower i ng s k y . I t c er t ai nl y di d l ook l i k e r ai n.
" Ok ay . " I j umped up. " I ' m c omi ng. "
" I t was ni c e t o s ee y ou agai n, " Jac ob s ai d, and I c oul d t el l he was
t aunt i ng Mi k e j us t a bi t .
" I t r eal l y was . Nex t t i me Char l i e c omes down t o s ee Bi l l y , I ' l l c ome,
t oo, " I pr omi s ed.
Hi s gr i n s t r et c hed ac r os s hi s f ace. " That woul d be c ool . "
" And t hank s , " I added ear nes t l y .
I pul l ed up my hood as we t r amped ac r os s t he r oc k s t owar d t he par ki ng
l ot . A f ew dr ops wer e begi nni ng t o f al l , mak i ng bl ac k s pot s on t he s t ones
wher e t hey l anded. When we got t o t he Subur ban t he ot her s wer e al r eady
l oadi ng ev er y t hi ng bac k i n. I c r awl ed i nt o t he bac k s eat by Angel a and
Ty l er , announc i ng t hat I ' d al r eady had my t ur n i n t he s hot gun pos i t i on.
Angel a j us t s t ar ed out t he wi ndow at t he es c al at i ng s t or m, and Laur en
t wi s t ed ar ound i n t he mi ddl e s eat t o oc c upy Ty l er ' s at t ent i on, s o I c oul d
s i mpl y l ay my head bac k on t he s eat and c l os e my ey es and t r y v er y har d
not t o t hi nk .
===========================================================================

7. NI GHTMARE

I t ol d Char l i e I had a l ot of homewor k t o do, and t hat I di dn' t want

any t hi ng t o eat . Ther e was a bas ket bal l game on t hat he was ex c i t ed
about , t hough of c our s e I had no i dea what was s pec i al about i t , so he
was n' t awar e of any t hi ng unus ual i n my f ac e or t one.
Onc e i n my r oom, I l oc k ed t he door . I dug t hr ough my des k unt i l I f ound
my ol d headphones , and I pl ugged t hem i nt o my l i t t l e CD pl ay er . I pi c k ed
up a CD t hat Phi l had gi v en t o me f or Chr i s t mas . I t was one of hi s
f av or i t e bands , but t hey us ed a l i t t l e t oo muc h bas s and s hr i ek i ng f or my
t as t es . I popped i t i nt o pl ac e and l ay down on my bed. I put on t he
headphones , hi t Pl ay , and t ur ned up t he v ol ume unt i l i t hur t my ear s . I
c l os ed my ey es , but t he l i ght s t i l l i nt r uded, s o I added a pi l l ow ov er
t he t op hal f of my f ac e.
I c onc ent r at ed v er y c ar ef ul l y on t he mus i c , t r y i ng t o under s t and t he
l y r i c s , t o unr av el t he c ompl i c at ed dr um pat t er ns . By t he t hi r d t i me I ' d
l i s t ened t hr ough t he CD, I k new al l t he wor ds t o t he c hor us es , at l eas t .
I was s ur pr i s ed t o f i nd t hat I r eal l y di d l i k e t he band af t er al l , onc e I
got pas t t he bl ar i ng noi s e. I ' d hav e t o t hank Phi l agai n.
And i t wor k ed. The s hat t er i ng beat s made i t i mpos s i bl e f or me t o t hi nk —
whi c h was t he whol e pur pos e of t he ex er c i s e. I l i s t ened t o t he CD agai n
and agai n, unt i l I was s i ngi ng al ong wi t h al l t he s ongs , unt i l , f i nal l y ,
I f el l as l eep.
I opened my ey es t o a f ami l i ar pl ac e. Awar e i n s ome c or ner of my
c ons c i ous nes s t hat I was dr eami ng, I r ec ogni z ed t he gr een l i ght of t he
f or es t . I c oul d hear t he wav es c r as hi ng agai ns t t he r oc k s s omewher e
near by . And I k new t hat i f I f ound t he oc ean, I ' d be abl e t o s ee t he s un.
I was t r y i ng t o f ol l ow t he s ound, but t hen J ac ob Bl ac k was t her e, t uggi ng
on my hand, pul l i ng me bac k t owar d t he bl ac k es t par t of t he f or es t .
" J ac ob? What ' s wr ong?" I as k ed. Hi s f ac e was f r i ght ened as he y anked wi t h
al l hi s s t r engt h agai ns t my r es i st anc e; I di dn' t want t o go i nt o t he dar k .
" Run, Bel l a, y ou hav e t o r un! " he whi s per ed, t er r i f i ed.
" Thi s way , Bel l a! " I r ec ogni z ed Mi k e' s v oi c e c al l i ng out of t he gl oomy
hear t of t he t r ees , but I c oul dn' t s ee hi m.
" Why ?" I as k ed, s t i l l pul l i ng agai ns t J ac ob' s gr as p, des per at e now t o
f i nd t he s un.
But J ac ob l et go of my hand and yel ped, s uddenl y s hak i ng, f al l i ng t o t he
di m f or es t f l oor . He t wi t c hed on t he gr ound as I wat c hed i n hor r or .
" J ac ob! " I s c r eamed. But he was gone. I n hi s pl ac e was a l ar ge r ed- br own
wol f wi t h bl ac k ey es . The wol f f ac ed away f r om me, poi nt i ng t owar d t he
s hor e, t he hai r on t he bac k of hi s s houl der s br i s t l i ng, l ow gr owl s
i s s ui ng f r om bet ween hi s ex pos ed f angs .
" Bel l a, r un! " Mi k e c r i ed out agai n f r om behi nd me. But I di dn' t t ur n. I
was wat c hi ng a l i ght c omi ng t owar d me f r om t he beac h.
And t hen Edwar d s t epped out f r om t he t r ees , hi s s k i n f ai nt l y gl owi ng, hi s
ey es bl ac k and danger ous . He hel d up one hand and bec k oned me t o come t o
hi m. The wol f gr owl ed at my f eet .
I t ook a s t ep f or war d, t owar d Edwar d. He s mi l ed t hen, and hi s t eet h wer e
s har p, poi nt ed.
" Tr us t me, " he pur r ed.
I t ook anot her s t ep.
The wol f l aunc hed hi ms el f ac r os s t he s pac e bet ween me and t he v ampi r e,
f angs ai mi ng f or t he j ugul ar .
" No! " I s c r eamed, wr enc hi ng upr i ght out of my bed.
My s udden mov ement c aus ed t he headphones t o pul l t he CD pl ay er of f t he
beds i de t abl e, and i t c l at t er ed t o t he wooden f l oor .
My l i ght was s t i l l on, and I was s i t t i ng f ul l y dr es s ed on t he bed, wi t h
my s hoes on. I gl anc ed, di s or i ent ed, at t he c l oc k on my dr es s er . I t was
f i v e- t hi r t y i n t he mor ni ng.
I gr oaned, f el l bac k , and r ol l ed ov er ont o my f ac e, k i c k i ng of f my boot s .
I was t oo unc omf or t abl e t o get any wher e near s l eep, t hough. I r ol l ed bac k
ov er and unbut t oned my j eans , y ank i ng t hem of f awk war dl y as I t r i ed t o
s t ay hor i z ont al . I c oul d f eel t he br ai d i n my hai r , an unc omf or t abl e
r i dge al ong t he bac k of my s k ul l . I t ur ned ont o my s i de and r i pped t he
r ubber band out , qui c k l y c ombi ng t hr ough t he pl ai t s wi t h my f i nger s . I
pul l ed t he pi l l ow bac k ov er my eyes .
I t was al l no us e, of c our s e. My s ubc ons c i ous had dr edged up ex ac t l y t he
i mages I ' d been t r y i ng s o des per at el y t o av oi d. I was goi ng t o have t o
f ac e t hem now.
I s at up, and my head s pun f or a mi nut e as t he bl ood f l owed downwar d.
Fi r s t t hi ngs f i r s t , I t hought t o my s el f , happy t o put i t of f as l ong as
pos s i bl e. I gr abbed my bat hr oom bag.
The s hower di dn' t l as t near l y as l ong as I hoped i t woul d, t hough. Ev en
t ak i ng t he t i me t o bl ow- dr y my hai r , I was s oon out of t hi ngs t o do i n
t he bat hr oom. Wr apped i n a t owel , I c r os s ed bac k t o my r oom. I c oul dn' t
t el l i f Char l i e was s t i l l as l eep, or i f he had al r eady l ef t . I went t o
l ook out my wi ndow, and t he c r ui ser was gone. Fi s hi ng agai n.
I dr es s ed s l owl y i n my mos t c omf y s weat s and t hen made my bed — s omet hi ng
I nev er di d. I c oul dn' t put i t of f any l onger . I went t o my des k and
s wi t c hed on my ol d c omput er .
I hat ed us i ng t he I nt er net her e. My modem was s adl y out dat ed, my f r ee
s er v i c e s ubs t andar d; j us t di al i ng up t ook s o l ong t hat I dec i ded t o go
get my s el f a bowl of c er eal whi l e I wai t ed.
I at e s l owl y , c hewi ng eac h bi t e wi t h c ar e. When I was done, I was hed t he
bowl and s poon, dr i ed t hem, and put t hem away . My f eet dr agged as I
c l i mbed t he s t ai r s . I went t o my CD pl ay er f i r s t , pi c k i ng i t up of f t he
f l oor and pl ac i ng i t pr ec i s el y i n t he c ent er of t he t abl e. I pul l ed out
t he headphones , and put t hem away i n t he des k dr awer . Then I t ur ned t he
s ame CD on, t ur ni ng i t down t o t he poi nt wher e i t was bac k gr ound noi s e.
Wi t h anot her s i gh, I t ur ned t o my c omput er . Nat ur al l y , t he s c r een was
c ov er ed i n pop- up ads . I s at i n my har d f ol di ng c hai r and began c l os i ng
al l t he l i t t l e wi ndows . Ev ent ual l y I made i t t o my f av or i t e s ear c h
engi ne. I s hot down a f ew mor e pop- ups and t hen t y ped i n one wor d.
Vampi r e.
I t t ook an i nf ur i at i ngl y l ong t i me, of c our s e. When t he r es ul t s c ame up,
t her e was a l ot t o s i f t t hr ough — ev er y t hi ng f r om mov i es and TV s hows t o
r ol e- pl ay i ng games , under gr ound met al , and got hi c c os met i c c ompani es .
Then I f ound a pr omi s i ng s i t e — Vampi r es A—Z. I wai t ed i mpat i ent l y f or i t
t o l oad, qui c k l y c l i c k i ng c l os ed eac h ad t hat f l as hed ac r os s t he sc r een.
Fi nal l y t he s c r een was f i ni s hed — s i mpl e whi t e bac k gr ound wi t h bl ac k
t ex t , ac ademi c - l ook i ng. Two quot es gr eet ed me on t he home page:

Thr oughout t he v as t s hadowy wor l d of ghos t s and demons t her e i s no f i gur e

s o t er r i bl e, no f i gur e s o dr eaded and abhor r ed, y et di ght wi t h s uch
f ear f ul f as c i nat i on, as t he v ampi r e, who i s hi ms el f nei t her ghos t nor
demon, but y et who par t ak es t he dar k nat ur es and pos s es s es t he my st er i ous
and t er r i bl e qual i t i es of bot h. — Rev . Mont ague Summer s

I f t her e i s i n t hi s wor l d a wel l - at t es t ed ac c ount , i t i s t hat of t he

v ampi r es . Not hi ng i s l ac k i ng: of f i c i al r epor t s , af f i dav i t s of wel l - k nown
peopl e, of s ur geons , of pr i es t s , of magi s t r at es ; t he j udi c i al pr oof i s
mos t c ompl et e. And wi t h al l t hat , who i s t her e who bel i ev es i n v ampi r es ?
— Rous s eau

The r es t of t he s i t e was an al phabet i z ed l i s t i ng of al l t he di f f er ent

my t hs of v ampi r es hel d t hr oughout t he wor l d. The f i r s t I c l i c k ed on, t he
Danag, was a Fi l i pi no v ampi r e s uppos edl y r es pons i bl e f or pl ant i ng t ar o on
t he i s l ands l ong ago. The my t h c ont i nued t hat t he Danag wor k ed wi t h
humans f or many y ear s , but t he par t ner s hi p ended one day when a woman c ut
her f i nger and a Danag s uc k ed her wound, enj oy i ng t he t as t e s o much t hat
i t dr ai ned her body c ompl et el y of bl ood.
I r ead c ar ef ul l y t hr ough t he des cr i pt i ons , l ook i ng f or any t hi ng t hat
s ounded f ami l i ar , l et al one pl ausi bl e. I t s eemed t hat mos t v ampi r e my t hs
c ent er ed ar ound beaut i f ul women as demons and c hi l dr en as v i c t i ms ; t hey
al s o s eemed l i k e c ons t r uc t s c r eat ed t o ex pl ai n away t he hi gh mor t al i t y
r at es f or y oung c hi l dr en, and t o gi v e men an ex c us e f or i nf i del i t y. Many
of t he s t or i es i nv ol v ed bodi l es s s pi r i t s and war ni ngs agai ns t i mpr oper
bur i al s . Ther e was n' t muc h t hat sounded l i k e t he mov i es I ' d s een, and
onl y a v er y f ew, l i k e t he Hebr ew Es t r i e and t he Pol i s h Upi er , who wer e
ev en pr eoc c upi ed wi t h dr i nk i ng bl ood.
Onl y t hr ee ent r i es r eal l y c aught my at t ent i on: t he Romani an Var ac ol ac i , a
power f ul undead bei ng who c oul d appear as a beaut i f ul , pal e- s k i nned
human, t he Sl ov ak Nel aps i , a c r eat ur e s o s t r ong and f as t i t c oul d
mas s ac r e an ent i r e v i l l age i n t he s i ngl e hour af t er mi dni ght , and one
ot her , t he St r egoni benef i c i .
About t hi s l as t t her e was onl y one br i ef s ent enc e.
St r egoni benef i c i : An I t al i an v ampi r e, s ai d t o be on t he s i de of
goodnes s , and a mor t al enemy of al l ev i l v ampi r es .
I t was a r el i ef , t hat one s mal l ent r y , t he one my t h among hundr eds t hat
c l ai med t he ex i s t enc e of good v ampi r es .
Ov er al l , t hough, t her e was l i t t l e t hat c oi nc i ded wi t h J ac ob' s s t or i es or
my own obs er v at i ons . I ' d made a l i t t l e c at al ogue i n my mi nd as I ' d r ead
and c ar ef ul l y c ompar ed i t wi t h eac h my t h. Speed, s t r engt h, beaut y , pal e
s k i n, ey es t hat s hi f t c ol or ; and t hen J ac ob' s c r i t er i a: bl ood dr i nk er s ,
enemi es of t he wer ewol f , c ol d- s k i nned, and i mmor t al . Ther e wer e v er y f ew
my t hs t hat mat c hed ev en one f ac t or .
And t hen anot her pr obl em, one t hat I ' d r emember ed f r om t he s mal l number
of s c ar y mov i es t hat I ' d s een and was bac k ed up by t oday ' s r eadi ng —
v ampi r es c oul dn' t c ome out i n t he day t i me, t he s un woul d bur n t hem t o a
c i nder . They s l ept i n c of f i ns al l day and c ame out onl y at ni ght .
Aggr av at ed, I s napped of f t he c omput er ' s mai n power s wi t c h, not wai t i ng
t o s hut t hi ngs down pr oper l y . Thr ough my i r r i t at i on, I f el t ov er whel mi ng
embar r as s ment . I t was al l s o s t upi d. I was s i t t i ng i n my r oom,
r es ear c hi ng v ampi r es . What was wr ong wi t h me? I dec i ded t hat mos t of t he
bl ame bel onged on t he door s t ep of t he t own of For k s — and t he ent i r e
s odden Ol y mpi c Peni ns ul a, f or t hat mat t er .
I had t o get out of t he hous e, but t her e was nowher e I want ed t o go t hat
di dn' t i nv ol v e a t hr ee- day dr i v e. I pul l ed on my boot s any way , uncl ear
wher e I was headed, and went downs t ai r s . I s hr ugged i nt o my r ai nc oat
wi t hout c hec k i ng t he weat her and s t omped out t he door .
I t was ov er c as t , but not r ai ni ng y et . I i gnor ed my t r uc k and s t ar t ed eas t
on f oot , angl i ng ac r os s Char l i e' s y ar d t owar d t he ev er - enc r oac hi ng
f or es t . I t di dn' t t ak e l ong t i l l I was deep enough f or t he hous e and t he
r oad t o be i nv i s i bl e, f or t he onl y s ound t o be t he s qui s h of t he damp
ear t h under my f eet and t he s udden c r i es of t he j ay s .
Ther e was a t hi n r i bbon of a t r ai l t hat l ed t hr ough t he f or es t her e, or I
woul dn' t r i s k wander i ng on my own l i k e t hi s . My s ens e of di r ec t i on was
hopel es s ; I c oul d get l os t i n much l es s hel pf ul s ur r oundi ngs . The t r ai l
wound deeper and deeper i nt o t he f or es t , mos t l y eas t as f ar as I coul d
t el l . I t s nak ed ar ound t he Si t k a s pr uc es and t he heml oc k s , t he y ews and
t he mapl es . I onl y v aguel y k new t he names of t he t r ees ar ound me, and al l
I k new was due t o Char l i e poi nt i ng t hem out t o me f r om t he c r ui s er wi ndow
i n ear l i er day s . Ther e wer e many I di dn' t k now, and ot her s I c oul dn' t be
s ur e about bec aus e t hey wer e s o cov er ed i n gr een par as i t es .
I f ol l owed t he t r ai l as l ong as my anger at my s el f pus hed me f or war d. As
t hat s t ar t ed t o ebb, I s l owed. A f ew dr ops of moi s t ur e t r i c k l ed down f r om
t he c anopy abov e me, but I c oul dn' t be c er t ai n i f i t was begi nni ng t o
r ai n or i f i t was s i mpl y pool s l ef t ov er f r om y es t er day , hel d hi gh i n t he
l eav es abov e me, s l owl y dr i ppi ng t hei r way bac k t o t he ear t h. A r ec ent l y
f al l en t r ee — I k new i t was r ec ent bec aus e i t was n' t ent i r el y c ar pet ed i n
mos s — r es t ed agai ns t t he t r unk of one of her s i s t er s , c r eat i ng a
s hel t er ed l i t t l e benc h j us t a f ew s af e f eet of f t he t r ai l . I s t epped ov er
t he f er ns and s at c ar ef ul l y , mak i ng s ur e my j ac k et was bet ween t he damp
s eat and my c l ot hes wher ev er t hey t ouc hed, and l eaned my hooded head bac k
agai ns t t he l i v i ng t r ee.
Thi s was t he wr ong pl ac e t o hav e c ome. I s houl d hav e k nown, but wher e
el s e was t her e t o go? The f or es t was deep gr een and f ar t oo muc h l i k e t he
s c ene i n l as t ni ght ' s dr eam t o al l ow f or peac e of mi nd. Now t hat t her e
was no l onger t he s ound of my s oggy f oot s t eps , t he s i l enc e was pi er c i ng.
The bi r ds wer e qui et , t oo, t he dr ops i nc r eas i ng i n f r equenc y , s o i t mus t
be r ai ni ng abov e. The f er ns s t ood hi gher t han my head, now t hat I was
s eat ed, and I k new s omeone c oul d wal k by on t he pat h, t hr ee f eet away ,
and not s ee me.
Her e i n t he t r ees i t was muc h easi er t o bel i ev e t he abs ur di t i es t hat
embar r as s ed me i ndoor s . Not hi ng had c hanged i n t hi s f or es t f or t hous ands
of y ear s , and al l t he my t hs and l egends of a hundr ed di f f er ent l ands
s eemed muc h mor e l i k el y i n t hi s gr een haz e t han t hey had i n my c l ear - c ut
bedr oom.
I f or c ed my s el f t o f oc us on t he t wo mos t v i t al ques t i ons I had t o ans wer ,
but I di d s o unwi l l i ngl y .
Fi r s t , I had t o dec i de i f i t was pos s i bl e t hat what J ac ob had s ai d about
t he Cul l ens c oul d be t r ue.
I mmedi at el y my mi nd r es ponded wi t h a r es oundi ng negat i v e. I t was si l l y
and mor bi d t o ent er t ai n s uc h r i di c ul ous not i ons . But what , t hen? I as k ed
my s el f . Ther e was no r at i onal ex pl anat i on f or how I was al i v e at t hi s
moment . I l i s t ed agai n i n my head t he t hi ngs I ' d obs er v ed my s el f : t he
i mpos s i bl e s peed and s t r engt h, t he ey e c ol or s hi f t i ng f r om bl ac k t o gol d
and bac k agai n, t he i nhuman beaut y , t he pal e, f r i gi d s k i n. And mor e —
s mal l t hi ngs t hat r egi s t er ed s l owl y — how t hey nev er s eemed t o eat , t he
di s t ur bi ng gr ac e wi t h whi c h t hey mov ed. And t he way be
s omet i mes s pok e, wi t h unf ami l i ar c adenc es and phr as es t hat bet t er f i t t he
s t y l e of a t ur n- of - t he- c ent ur y nov el t han t hat of a t went y - f i r s t - cent ur y
c l as s r oom. He had s k i pped c l as s t he day we' d done bl ood t y pi ng. He hadn' t
s ai d no t o t he beac h t r i p t i l l he hear d wher e we wer e goi ng. He s eemed t o
k now what ev er y one ar ound hi m was t hi nk i ng… ex c ept me. He had t ol d me he
was t he v i l l ai n, danger ous …
Coul d t he Cul l ens be v ampi r es ?
Wel l , t hey wer e s omet hi ng. Somet hi ng out s i de t he pos s i bi l i t y of r at i onal
j us t i f i c at i on was t ak i ng pl ac e i n f r ont of my i nc r edul ous ey es . Whet her
i t be J ac ob' s c ol d ones or my own s uper her o t heor y , Edwar d Cul l en was
not … human. He was s omet hi ng mor e.
So t hen — may be. That woul d hav e t o be my ans wer f or now.
And t hen t he mos t i mpor t ant ques t i on of al l . What was I goi ng t o do i f i t
was t r ue?
I f Edwar d was a v ampi r e — I c oul d har dl y mak e my s el f t hi nk t he wor ds —
t hen what s houl d I do? I nv ol v i ng s omeone el s e was def i ni t el y out . I
c oul dn' t ev en bel i ev e my s el f ; anyone I t ol d woul d hav e me c ommi t t ed.
Onl y t wo opt i ons s eemed pr ac t i c al . The f i r s t was t o t ak e hi s adv i ce: t o
be s mar t , t o av oi d hi m as muc h as pos s i bl e. To c anc el our pl ans , t o go
bac k t o i gnor i ng hi m as f ar as I was abl e. To pr et end t her e was an
i mpenet r abl y t hi c k gl as s wal l bet ween us i n t he one c l as s wher e we wer e
f or c ed t oget her . To t el l hi m t o l eav e me al one — and mean i t t hi s t i me.
I was gr i pped i n a s udden agony of des pai r as I c ons i der ed t hat
al t er nat i v e. My mi nd r ej ec t ed t he pai n, qui c k l y s k i ppi ng on t o t he nex t
opt i on.
I c oul d do not hi ng di f f er ent . Af t er al l , i f he was s omet hi ng… s i ni s t er ,
he' d done not hi ng t o hur t me s o f ar . I n f ac t , I woul d be a dent i n
Ty l er ' s f ender i f he hadn' t ac t ed s o qui c k l y . So qui c k l y , I ar gued wi t h
my s el f , t hat i t mi ght hav e been sheer r ef l ex es . But i f i t was a r ef l ex t o
s av e l i v es , how bad c oul d he be? I r et or t ed. My head s pun ar ound i n
ans wer l es s c i r c l es .
Ther e was one t hi ng I was s ur e of , i f I was s ur e of any t hi ng. The dar k
Edwar d i n my dr eam l as t ni ght was a r ef l ec t i on onl y of my f ear of t he
wor d J ac ob had s pok en, and not Edwar d hi ms el f . Ev en s o, when I ' d sc r eamed
out i n t er r or at t he wer ewol f ' s l unge, i t was n' t f ear f or t he wol f t hat
br ought t he c r y of " no" t o my l i ps . I t was f ear t hat he woul d be har med —
ev en as he c al l ed t o me wi t h s har p- edged f angs , I f ear ed f or hi m.
And I k new i n t hat I had my ans wer . I di dn' t k now i f t her e ev er was a
c hoi c e, r eal l y . I was al r eady i n t oo deep. Now t hat I k new — i f I k new —
I c oul d do not hi ng about my f r i ght eni ng s ec r et . Bec aus e when I t hought of
hi m, of hi s v oi c e, hi s hy pnot i c ey es , t he magnet i c f or c e of hi s
per s onal i t y , I want ed not hi ng mor e t han t o be wi t h hi m r i ght now. Ev en
i f … but I c oul dn' t t hi nk i t . Not her e, al one i n t he dar k eni ng f or es t . Not
whi l e t he r ai n made i t di m as t wi l i ght under t he c anopy and pat t er ed l i k e
f oot s t eps ac r os s t he mat t ed ear t hen f l oor . I s hi v er ed and r os e qui c k l y
f r om my pl ac e of c onc eal ment , wor r i ed t hat s omehow t he pat h woul d hav e
di s appear ed wi t h t he r ai n.
But i t was t her e, s af e and c l ear , wi ndi ng i t s way out of t he dr i ppi ng
gr een maz e. I f ol l owed i t has t i l y, my hood pul l ed c l os e ar ound my f ac e,
bec omi ng s ur pr i s ed, as I near l y r an t hr ough t he t r ees , at how f ar I had
c ome. I s t ar t ed t o wonder i f I was headi ng out at al l , or f ol l owi ng t he
pat h f ar t her i nt o t he c onf i nes of t he f or es t . Bef or e I c oul d get t oo
pani c k y , t hough, I began t o gl i mps e s ome open s pac es t hr ough t he webbed
br anc hes . And t hen I c oul d hear a c ar pas s i ng on t he s t r eet , and I was
f r ee, Char l i e' s l awn s t r et c hed out i n f r ont of me, t he hous e bec k oni ng
me, pr omi s i ng war mt h and dr y s oc ks .
I t was j us t noon when I got bac k i ns i de. I went ups t ai r s and got dr es s ed
f or t he day , j eans and a t - s hi r t , s i nc e I was s t ay i ng i ndoor s . I t di dn' t
t ak e t oo muc h ef f or t t o c onc ent r at e on my t as k f or t he day , a paper on
Mac bet h t hat was due Wednes day . I s et t l ed i nt o out l i ni ng a r ough dr af t
c ont ent edl y , mor e s er ene t han I ' d f el t s i nc e… wel l , s i nc e Thur s day
af t er noon, i f I was bei ng hones t .
That had al way s been my way , t hough. Mak i ng dec i s i ons was t he pai nf ul
par t f or me, t he par t I agoni z ed ov er . But onc e t he dec i s i on was made, I
s i mpl y f ol l owed t hr ough — us ual l y wi t h r el i ef t hat t he c hoi c e was made.
Somet i mes t he r el i ef was t ai nt ed by des pai r , l i k e my dec i s i on t o come t o
For k s . But i t was s t i l l bet t er t han wr es t l i ng wi t h t he al t er nat i v es .
Thi s dec i s i on was r i di c ul ous l y eas y t o l i v e wi t h. Danger ous l y eas y.
And s o t he day was qui et , pr oduc t i v e — I f i ni s hed my paper bef or e ei ght .
Char l i e c ame home wi t h a l ar ge c at c h, and I made a ment al not e t o pi c k up
a book of r ec i pes f or f i s h whi l e I was i n Seat t l e nex t week . The chi l l s
t hat f l as hed up my s pi ne whenev er I t hought of t hat t r i p wer e no
di f f er ent t han t he ones I ' d f el t bef or e I ' d t ak en my wal k wi t h J acob
Bl ac k . They s houl d be di f f er ent , I t hought . I s houl d be af r ai d — I k new I
s houl d be, but I c oul dn' t f eel t he r i ght k i nd of f ear .
I s l ept dr eaml es s l y t hat ni ght , ex haus t ed f r om begi nni ng my day s o ear l y ,
and s l eepi ng s o poor l y t he ni ght bef or e. I wok e, f or t he s ec ond t i me
s i nc e ar r i v i ng i n For k s , t o t he br i ght y el l ow l i ght of a s unny day. I
s k i pped t o t he wi ndow, s t unned t o s ee t hat t her e was har dl y a c l oud i n
t he s k y , and t hos e t her e wer e j ust f l eec y l i t t l e whi t e puf f s t hat
c oul dn' t pos s i bl y be c ar r y i ng any r ai n. I opened t he wi ndow — s ur pr i s ed
when i t opened s i l ent l y , wi t hout s t i c k i ng, not hav i ng opened i t i n who
k nows how many y ear s — and s uc k ed i n t he r el at i v el y dr y ai r . I t was
near l y war m and har dl y wi ndy at al l . My bl ood was el ec t r i c i n my vei ns .
Char l i e was f i ni s hi ng br eak f as t when I c ame downs t ai r s , and he pi ck ed up
on my mood i mmedi at el y .
" Ni c e day out , " he c omment ed.
" Yes , " I agr eed wi t h a gr i n.
He s mi l ed bac k , hi s br own ey es c r i nk l i ng ar ound t he edges . When Char l i e
s mi l ed, i t was eas i er t o s ee why he and my mot her had j umped t oo qui c k l y
i nt o an ear l y mar r i age. Mos t of t he y oung r omant i c he' d been i n t hos e
day s had f aded bef or e I ' d k nown hi m, as t he c ur l y br own hai r — t he s ame
c ol or , i f not t he s ame t ex t ur e, as mi ne — had dwi ndl ed, s l owl y r eveal i ng
mor e and mor e of t he s hi ny s k i n of hi s f or ehead. But when he s mi l ed I
c oul d s ee a l i t t l e of t he man who had r un away wi t h Renée when s he was
j us t t wo y ear s ol der t han I was now.
I at e br eak f as t c heer i l y , wat c hi ng t he dus t moat s s t i r r i ng i n t he
s unl i ght t hat s t r eamed i n t he back wi ndow. Char l i e c al l ed out a goodby e,
and I hear d t he c r ui s er pul l away f r om t he hous e. I hes i t at ed on my way
out t he door , hand on my r ai n j ack et . I t woul d be t empt i ng f at e t o l eav e
i t home. Wi t h a s i gh, I f ol ded i t ov er my ar m and s t epped out i nt o t he
br i ght es t l i ght I ' d s een i n mont hs .
By di nt of muc h el bow gr eas e, I was abl e t o get bot h wi ndows i n t he t r uc k
al mos t c ompl et el y r ol l ed down. I was one of t he f i r s t ones t o s c hool ; I
hadn' t ev en c hec k ed t he c l oc k i n my hur r y t o get out s i de. I par k ed and
headed t owar d t he s el dom- us ed pi cni c benc hes on t he s out h s i de of t he
c af et er i a. The benc hes wer e s t i l l a l i t t l e damp, s o I s at on my j ac k et ,
gl ad t o hav e a us e f or i t . My homewor k was done — t he pr oduc t of a s l ow
s oc i al l i f e — but t her e wer e a f ew Tr i g pr obl ems I was n' t s ur e I had
r i ght . I t ook out my book i ndus t r i ous l y , but hal f way t hr ough r ec hec k i ng
t he f i r s t pr obl em I was day dr eami ng, wat c hi ng t he s unl i ght pl ay on t he
r ed- bar k ed t r ees . I s k et c hed i nat t ent i v el y al ong t he mar gi ns of my
homewor k . Af t er a f ew mi nut es , I s uddenl y r eal i z ed I ' d dr awn f i v e pai r s
of dar k ey es s t ar i ng out of t he page at me. I s c r ubbed t hem out wi t h t he
er as er .
" Bel l a! " I hear d s omeone c al l , and i t s ounded l i k e Mi k e.
I l ook ed ar ound t o r eal i z e t hat t he s c hool had bec ome popul at ed whi l e I ' d
been s i t t i ng t her e, abs ent mi nded. Ev er y one was i n t - s hi r t s , s ome ev en i n
s hor t s t hough t he t emper at ur e c oul dn' t be ov er s i x t y . Mi k e was c omi ng
t owar d me i n k hak i s hor t s and a st r i ped Rugby s hi r t , wav i ng.
" Hey , Mi k e, " I c al l ed, wav i ng back , unabl e t o be hal f hear t ed on a mor ni ng
l i k e t hi s .
He c ame t o s i t by me, t he t i dy s pi k es of hi s hai r s hi ni ng gol den i n t he
l i ght , hi s gr i n s t r et c hi ng ac r os s hi s f ac e. He was s o del i ght ed t o s ee
me, I c oul dn' t hel p but f eel gr at i f i ed.
" I nev er not i c ed bef or e — y our hai r has r ed i n i t , " he c omment ed,
c at c hi ng bet ween hi s f i nger s a s t r and t hat was f l ut t er i ng i n t he l i ght
br eez e.
" Onl y i n t he s un. "
I bec ame j us t a l i t t l e unc omf or t abl e as he t uc k ed t he l oc k behi nd my ear .
" Gr eat day , i s n' t i t ?"
" My k i nd of day , " I agr eed.
" What di d y ou do y es t er day ?" Hi s t one was j us t a bi t t oo pr opr i et ar y .
" I mos t l y wor k ed on my es s ay . " I di dn' t add t hat I was f i ni s hed wi t h i t —
no need t o s ound s mug.
He hi t hi s f or ehead wi t h t he heel of hi s hand. " Oh y eah — t hat ' s due
Thur s day , r i ght ?"
" Um, Wednes day , I t hi nk . "
" Wednes day ?" He f r owned. " That ' s not good… What ar e y ou wr i t i ng y our s on?"
" Whet her Shak es pear e' s t r eat ment of t he f emal e c har ac t er s i s
mi s ogy ni s t i c . "
He s t ar ed at me l i k e I ' d j us t s pok en i n pi g Lat i n.
" I gues s I ' l l hav e t o get t o wor k on t hat t oni ght , " he s ai d, def l at ed. " I
was goi ng t o as k i f y ou want ed t o go out . "
" Oh. " I was t ak en of f guar d. Why c oul dn' t I ev er hav e a pl eas ant
c onv er s at i on wi t h Mi k e any mor e wi t hout i t get t i ng awk war d?
" Wel l , we c oul d go t o di nner or somet hi ng… and I c oul d wor k on i t l at er . "
He s mi l ed at me hopef ul l y .
" Mi k e…" I hat ed bei ng put on t he s pot . " I don' t t hi nk t hat woul d be t he
bes t i dea. "
Hi s f ac e f el l . " Why ?" he as k ed, hi s ey es guar ded. My t hought s f l i ck er ed
t o Edwar d, wonder i ng i f t hat ' s wher e hi s t hought s wer e as wel l .
" I t hi nk … and i f y ou ev er r epeat what I ' m s ay i ng r i ght now I wi l l
c heer f ul l y beat y ou t o deat h, " I t hr eat ened, " but I t hi nk t hat woul d hur t
J es s i c a' s f eel i ngs . "
He was bewi l der ed, obv i ous l y not t hi nk i ng i n t hat di r ec t i on at al l .
" J es s i c a?"
" Real l y , Mi k e, ar e y ou bl i nd?"
" Oh, " he ex hal ed — c l ear l y daz ed. I t ook adv ant age of t hat t o mak e my
es c ape.
" I t ' s t i me f or c l as s , and I c an' t be l at e agai n. " I gat her ed my book s up
and s t uf f ed t hem i n my bag.
We wal k ed i n s i l enc e t o bui l di ng t hr ee, and hi s ex pr es s i on was
di s t r ac t ed. I hoped what ev er t hought s he was i mmer s ed i n wer e l eadi ng hi m
i n t he r i ght di r ec t i on.
When I s aw J es s i c a i n Tr i g, s he was bubbl i ng wi t h ent hus i as m. She,
Angel a, and Laur en wer e goi ng t o Por t Angel es t oni ght t o go dr es s
s hoppi ng f or t he danc e, and s he want ed me t o c ome, t oo, ev en t hough I
di dn' t need one. I was i ndec i s i v e. I t woul d be ni c e t o get out of t own
wi t h s ome gi r l f r i ends , but Laur en woul d be t her e. And who k new what I
c oul d be doi ng t oni ght … But t hat was def i ni t el y t he wr ong pat h t o l et my
mi nd wander down. Of c our s e I was happy about t he s unl i ght . But t hat
was n' t c ompl et el y r es pons i bl e f or t he euphor i c mood I was i n, not ev en
c l os e.
So I gav e her a may be, t el l i ng her I ' d hav e t o t al k wi t h Char l i e f i r s t .
She t al k ed of not hi ng but t he danc e on t he way t o Spani s h, c ont i nui ng as
i f wi t hout an i nt er r upt i on when cl as s f i nal l y ended, f i v e mi nut es l at e,
and we wer e on our way t o l unc h. I was f ar t oo l os t i n my own f r enz y of
ant i c i pat i on t o not i c e muc h of what s he s ai d. I was pai nf ul l y eager t o
s ee not j us t hi m but al l t he Cul l ens — t o c ompar e t hem wi t h t he new
s us pi c i ons t hat pl agued my mi nd. As I c r os s ed t he t hr es hol d of t he
c af et er i a, I f el t t he f i r s t t r ue t i ngl e of f ear s l i t her down my s pi ne and
s et t l e i n my s t omac h. Woul d t hey be abl e t o k now what I was t hi nk i ng? And
t hen a di f f er ent f eel i ng j ol t ed t hr ough me — woul d Edwar d be wai t i ng t o
s i t wi t h me agai n?
As was my r out i ne, I gl anc ed f i r st t owar d t he Cul l ens ' t abl e. A s hi v er of
pani c t r embl ed i n my s t omac h as I r eal i z ed i t was empt y . Wi t h dwi ndl i ng
hope, my ey es s c our ed t he r es t of t he c af et er i a, hopi ng t o f i nd hi m
al one, wai t i ng f or me. The pl ac e was near l y f i l l ed — Spani s h had made us
l at e — but t her e was no s i gn of Edwar d or any of hi s f ami l y . Des ol at i on
hi t me wi t h c r i ppl i ng s t r engt h.
I s hambl ed al ong behi nd J es s i c a, not bot her i ng t o pr et end t o l i s t en
any mor e.
We wer e l at e enough t hat ev er y one was al r eady at our t abl e. I av oi ded t he
empt y c hai r nex t t o Mi k e i n f av or of one by Angel a. I v aguel y not i c ed
t hat Mi k e hel d t he c hai r out pol i t el y f or J es s i c a, and t hat her f ac e l i t
up i n r es pons e.
Angel a as k ed a f ew qui et ques t i ons about t he Mac bet h paper , whi c h I
ans wer ed as nat ur al l y as I c oul d whi l e s pi r al i ng downwar d i n mi s er y . She,
t oo, i nv i t ed me t o go wi t h t hem t oni ght , and I agr eed now, gr as pi ng at
any t hi ng t o di s t r ac t my s el f .
I r eal i z ed I ' d been hol di ng on t o a l as t s hr ed of hope when I ent er ed
Bi ol ogy , s aw hi s empt y s eat , and f el t a new wav e of di s appoi nt ment .
The r es t of t he day pas s ed s l owl y, di s mal l y . I n Gy m, we had a l ec t ur e on
t he r ul es of badmi nt on, t he nex t t or t ur e t hey had l i ned up f or me. But at
l eas t i t meant I got t o s i t and l i s t en i ns t ead of s t umbl i ng ar ound on t he
c our t . The bes t par t was t he c oach di dn' t f i ni s h, s o I got anot her day
of f t omor r ow. Nev er mi nd t hat t he day af t er t hey woul d ar m me wi t h a
r ac k et bef or e unl eas hi ng me on t he r es t of t he c l as s .
I was gl ad t o l eav e c ampus , s o I woul d be f r ee t o pout and mope bef or e I
went out t oni ght wi t h J es s i c a and c ompany . But r i ght af t er I wal k ed i n
t he door of Char l i e' s hous e, J es si c a c al l ed t o c anc el our pl ans . I t r i ed
t o be happy t hat Mi k e had as k ed her out t o di nner — I r eal l y was r el i ev ed
t hat he f i nal l y s eemed t o be c at chi ng on — but my ent hus i as m s ounded
f al s e i n my own ear s . She r es c hedul ed our s hoppi ng t r i p f or t omor r ow
ni ght .
Whi c h l ef t me wi t h l i t t l e i n t he way of di s t r ac t i ons . I had f i s h
mar i nat i ng f or di nner , wi t h a s al ad and br ead l ef t ov er f r om t he ni ght
bef or e, s o t her e was not hi ng t o do t her e. I s pent a f oc us ed hal f hour on
homewor k , but t hen I was t hr ough wi t h t hat , t oo. I c hec k ed my e- mai l ,
r eadi ng t he bac k l og of l et t er s f r om my mot her , get t i ng s ni ppi er as t hey
pr ogr es s ed t o t he pr es ent . I s i ghed and t y ped a qui c k r es pons e.
Mom,
Sor r y . I ' v e been out . I went t o t he beac h wi t h s ome f r i ends . And I had t o
wr i t e a paper .

My ex c us es wer e f ai r l y pat het i c , s o I gav e up on t hat .

I t ' s s unny out s i de t oday - I k now, I ' m s hoc k ed, t oo - s o I ' m goi ng t o go
out s i de and s oak up as muc h v i t ami n D as I c an. I l ov e y ou,
Bel l a.

I dec i ded t o k i l l an hour wi t h non- s c hool - r el at ed r eadi ng. I had a s mal l

c ol l ec t i on of book s t hat c ame wi t h me t o For k s , t he s habbi es t v ol ume
bei ng a c ompi l at i on of t he wor k s of J ane Aus t en. I s el ec t ed t hat one and
headed t o t he bac k y ar d, gr abbi ng a r agged ol d qui l t f r om t he l i nen
c upboar d at t he t op of t he s t ai r s on my way down.
Out s i de i n Char l i e' s s mal l , s quar e y ar d, I f ol ded t he qui l t i n hal f and
l ai d i t out of t he r eac h of t he t r ees ' s hadows on t he t hi c k l awn t hat
woul d al way s be s l i ght l y wet , no mat t er how l ong t he s un s hone. I l ay on
my s t omac h, c r os s i ng my ank l es i n t he ai r , f l i ppi ng t hr ough t he di f f er ent
nov el s i n t he book , t r y i ng t o deci de whi c h woul d oc c upy my mi nd t he mos t
t hor oughl y . My f av or i t es wer e Pr i de and Pr ej udi c e and Sens e and
Sens i bi l i t y . I ' d r ead t he f i r s t mos t r ec ent l y , s o I s t ar t ed i nt o Sens e
and Sens i bi l i t y , onl y t o r emember af t er I began t hr ee t hat t he her o of
t he s t or y happened t o be named Edwar d. Angr i l y , I t ur ned t o Mans f i el d
Par k , but t he her o of t hat pi ec e was named Edmund, and t hat was j us t t oo
c l os e. Wer en' t t her e any ot her names av ai l abl e i n t he l at e ei ght eent h
c ent ur y ? I s napped t he book s hut , annoy ed, and r ol l ed ov er ont o my bac k .
I pus hed my s l eev es up as hi gh as t hey woul d go, and c l os ed my ey es . I
woul d t hi nk of not hi ng but t he war mt h on my s k i n, I t ol d my s el f s ev er el y .
The br eez e was s t i l l l i ght , but i t bl ew t endr i l s of my hai r ar ound my
f ac e, and t hat t i c k l ed a bi t . I pul l ed al l my hai r ov er my head, l et t i ng
i t f an out on t he qui l t abov e me, and f oc us ed agai n on t he heat t hat
t ouc hed my ey el i ds , my c heek bones, my nos e, my l i ps , my f or ear ms , my
nec k , s oak ed t hr ough my l i ght s hi r t …
The nex t t hi ng I was c ons c i ous of was t he s ound of Char l i e' s c r ui ser
t ur ni ng ont o t he br i c k s of t he dr i v eway . I s at up i n s ur pr i s e, r eal i z i ng
t he l i ght was gone, behi nd t he t r ees , and I had f al l en as l eep. I l ook ed
ar ound, muddl ed, wi t h t he s udden f eel i ng t hat I was n' t al one.
" Char l i e?" I as k ed. But I c oul d hear hi s door s l ammi ng i n f r ont of t he
hous e.
I j umped up, f ool i s hl y edgy , gat her i ng t he now- damp qui l t and my book . I
r an i ns i de t o get s ome oi l heat i ng on t he s t ov e, r eal i z i ng t hat di nner
woul d be l at e. Char l i e was hangi ng up hi s gun bel t and s t eppi ng out of
hi s boot s when I c ame i n.
" Sor r y , Dad, di nner ' s not r eady yet — I f el l as l eep out s i de. " I s t i f l ed a
y awn.
" Don' t wor r y about i t , " he s ai d. " I want ed t o c at c h t he s c or e on t he
game, any way . "
I wat c hed TV wi t h Char l i e af t er di nner , f or s omet hi ng t o do. Ther e was n' t
any t hi ng on I want ed t o wat c h, but he k new I di dn' t l i k e bas ebal l , s o he
t ur ned i t t o s ome mi ndl es s s i t c om t hat nei t her of us enj oy ed. He seemed
happy , t hough, t o be doi ng s omet hi ng t oget her . And i t f el t good, des pi t e
my depr es s i on, t o mak e hi m happy .
" Dad, " I s ai d dur i ng a c ommer c i al , " J es s i c a and Angel a ar e goi ng t o l ook
at dr es s es f or t he danc e t omor r ow ni ght i n Por t Angel es , and t hey want ed
me t o hel p t hem c hoos e… do y ou mi nd i f I go wi t h t hem?"
" J es s i c a St anl ey ?" he as k ed.
" And Angel a Weber . " I s i ghed as I gav e hi m t he det ai l s .
He was c onf us ed. " But y ou' r e not goi ng t o t he danc e, r i ght ?"
" No, Dad, but I ' m hel pi ng t hem f i nd dr es s es — y ou k now, gi v i ng t hem
c ons t r uc t i v e c r i t i c i s m. " I woul dn' t hav e t o ex pl ai n t hi s t o a woman.
" Wel l , ok ay . " He s eemed t o r eal i ze t hat he was out of hi s dept h wi t h t he
gi r l i e s t uf f . " I t ' s a s c hool ni ght , t hough. "
" We' l l l eav e r i ght af t er s c hool , s o we c an get bac k ear l y . You' l l be ok ay
f or di nner , r i ght ?"
" Bel l s , I f ed my s el f f or s ev ent een y ear s bef or e y ou got her e, " he
r emi nded me.
" I don' t k now how y ou s ur v i v ed, " I mut t er ed, t hen added mor e c l ear l y ,
" I ' l l l eav e s ome t hi ngs f or c ol d- c ut s andwi c hes i n t he f r i dge, ok ay ?
Ri ght on t op. "
I t was s unny agai n i n t he mor ni ng. I awak ened wi t h r enewed hope t hat I
gr i ml y t r i ed t o s uppr es s . I dr es sed f or t he war mer weat her i n a deep bl ue
V- nec k bl ous e — s omet hi ng I ' d wor n i n t he dead of wi nt er i n Phoeni x .
I had pl anned my ar r i v al at s c hool s o t hat I bar el y had t i me t o mak e i t
t o c l as s . Wi t h a s i nk i ng hear t , I c i r c l ed t he f ul l l ot l ook i ng f or a
s pac e, whi l e al s o s ear c hi ng f or t he s i l v er Vol v o t hat was c l ear l y not
t her e. I par k ed i n t he l as t r ow and hur r i ed t o Engl i s h, ar r i v i ng
br eat hl es s , but s ubdued, bef or e t he f i nal bel l .
I t was t he s ame as y es t er day — I j us t c oul dn' t k eep l i t t l e s pr out s of
hope f r om buddi ng i n my mi nd, onl y t o hav e t hem s quas hed pai nf ul l y as I
s ear c hed t he l unc hr oom i n v ai n and s at at my empt y Bi ol ogy t abl e.
The Por t Angel es s c heme was bac k on agai n f or t oni ght and made al l t he
mor e at t r ac t i v e by t he f ac t t hat Laur en had ot her obl i gat i ons . I was
anx i ous t o get out of t own s o I coul d s t op gl anc i ng ov er my s houl der ,
hopi ng t o s ee hi m appear i ng out of t he bl ue t he way he al way s di d. I
v owed t o my s el f t hat I woul d be i n a good mood t oni ght and not r ui n
Angel a' s or J es s i c a' s enj oy ment i n t he dr es s hunt i ng. May be I c oul d do a
l i t t l e c l ot hes s hoppi ng as wel l . I r ef us ed t o t hi nk t hat I mi ght be
s hoppi ng al one i n Seat t l e t hi s week end, no l onger i nt er es t ed i n t he
ear l i er ar r angement . Sur el y he woul dn' t c anc el wi t hout at l eas t t el l i ng
me.
Af t er s c hool , J es s i c a f ol l owed me home i n her ol d whi t e Mer c ur y s o t hat I
c oul d di t c h my book s and t r uc k . I br us hed t hr ough my hai r qui c k l y when I
was i ns i de, f eel i ng a s l i ght l i f t of ex c i t ement as I c ont empl at ed get t i ng
out of For k s . I l ef t a not e f or Char l i e on t he t abl e, ex pl ai ni ng agai n
wher e t o f i nd di nner , s wi t c hed my s c r uf f y wal l et f r om my s c hool bag t o a
pur s e I r ar el y us ed, and r an out t o j oi n J es s i c a. We went t o Angel a' s
hous e nex t , and s he was wai t i ng f or us . My ex c i t ement i nc r eas ed
ex ponent i al l y as we ac t ual l y dr ove out of t he t own l i mi t s .
===========================================================================

8. PORT ANGELES

J es s dr ov e f as t er t han t he Chi ef , s o we made i t t o Por t Angel es by f our .

I t had been a whi l e s i nc e I ' d had a gi r l s ' ni ght out , and t he es t r ogen
r us h was i nv i gor at i ng. We l i s t ened t o whi ny r oc k s ongs whi l e J es s i c a
j abber ed on about t he boy s we hung out wi t h. J es s i c a' s di nner wi t h Mi k e
had gone v er y wel l , and s he was hopi ng t hat by Sat ur day ni ght t hey woul d
hav e pr ogr es s ed t o t he f i r s t - k i s s s t age. I s mi l ed t o my s el f , pl eased.
Angel a was pas s i v el y happy t o be goi ng t o t he danc e, but not r eal l y
i nt er es t ed i n Er i c . J es s t r i ed t o get her t o c onf es s who her t y pe was ,
but I i nt er r upt ed wi t h a ques t i on about dr es s es af t er a bi t , t o s par e
her . Angel a t hr ew a gr at ef ul gl anc e my way .
Por t Angel es was a beaut i f ul l i t t l e t our i s t t r ap, muc h mor e pol i s hed and
quai nt t han For k s . But J es s i c a and Angel a k new i t wel l , s o t hey di dn' t
pl an t o was t e t i me on t he pi c t ur es que boar dwal k by t he bay . J es s dr ov e
s t r ai ght t o t he one bi g depar t ment s t or e i n t own, whi c h was a f ew s t r eet s
i n f r om t he bay ar ea' s v i s i t or - f r i endl y f ac e.
The danc e was bi l l ed as s emi f or mal , and we wer en' t ex ac t l y s ur e what t hat
meant . Bot h J es s i c a and Angel a s eemed s ur pr i s ed and al mos t di s bel i ev i ng
when I t ol d t hem I ' d nev er been t o a danc e i n Phoeni x .
" Di dn' t y ou ev er go wi t h a boy f r i end or s omet hi ng?" J es s as k ed dubi ous l y
as we wal k ed t hr ough t he f r ont door s of t he s t or e.
" Real l y , " I t r i ed t o c onv i nc e her , not want i ng t o c onf es s my danc i ng
pr obl ems . " I ' v e nev er had a boy f r i end or any t hi ng c l os e. I di dn' t go out
muc h. "
" Why not ?" J es s i c a demanded.
" No one as k ed me, " I ans wer ed hones t l y .
She l ook ed s k ept i c al . " Peopl e as k y ou out her e, " s he r emi nded me, " and
y ou t el l t hem no. " We wer e i n t he j uni or s ' s ec t i on now, s c anni ng t he
r ac k s f or dr es s - up c l ot hes .
" Wel l , ex c ept f or Ty l er , " Angel a amended qui et l y .
" Ex c us e me?" I gas ped. " What di d y ou s ay ?"
" Ty l er t ol d ev er y one he' s t ak i ng y ou t o pr om, " J es s i c a i nf or med me wi t h
s us pi c i ous ey es .
" He s ai d what ?" I s ounded l i k e I was c hok i ng.
" I t ol d y ou i t was n' t t r ue, " Angel a mur mur ed t o J es s i c a.
I was s i l ent , s t i l l l os t i n s hoc k t hat was qui c k l y t ur ni ng t o i r r i t at i on.
But we had f ound t he dr es s r ac k s , and now we had wor k t o do.
" That ' s why Laur en does n' t l i k e you, " J es s i c a gi ggl ed whi l e we pawed
t hr ough t he c l ot hes .
I gr ound my t eet h. " Do y ou t hi nk t hat i f I r an hi m ov er wi t h my t r uc k he
woul d s t op f eel i ng gui l t y about t he ac c i dent ? That he mi ght gi v e up on
mak i ng amends and c al l i t ev en?"
" May be, " J es s s ni c k er ed. ' " I f t hat ' s why he' s doi ng t hi s . "
The dr es s s el ec t i on was n' t l ar ge, but bot h of t hem f ound a f ew t hi ngs t o
t r y on. I s at on a l ow c hai r j us t i ns i de t he dr es s i ng r oom, by t he
t hr ee- way mi r r or , t r y i ng t o c ont r ol my f umi ng.
J es s was t or n bet ween t wo — one a l ong, s t r apl es s , bas i c bl ac k number ,
t he ot her a k nee- l engt h el ec t r i c bl ue wi t h s paghet t i s t r aps . I encour aged
her t o go wi t h t he bl ue; why not pl ay up t he ey es ? Angel a c hos e a pal e
pi nk dr es s t hat dr aped ar ound her t al l f r ame ni c el y and br ought out honey
t i nt s i n her l i ght br own hai r . I c ompl i ment ed t hem bot h gener ous l y and
hel ped by r et ur ni ng t he r ej ec t s t o t hei r r ac k s . The whol e pr oc es s was
muc h s hor t er and eas i er t han s i mi l ar t r i ps I ' d t ak en wi t h Renée at home.
I gues s t her e was s omet hi ng t o be s ai d f or l i mi t ed c hoi c es .
We headed ov er t o s hoes and ac c ess or i es . Whi l e t hey t r i ed t hi ngs on I
mer el y wat c hed and c r i t i qued, not i n t he mood t o s hop f or my s el f , t hough
I di d need new s hoes . The gi r l s ' - ni ght hi gh was wear i ng of f i n t he wak e
of my annoy anc e at Ty l er , l eav i ng r oom f or t he gl oom t o mov e bac k i n.
" Angel a?" I began, hes i t ant , whi l e s he was t r y i ng on a pai r of pi nk
s t r appy heel s — s he was ov er j oy ed t o hav e a dat e t al l enough t hat s he
c oul d wear hi gh heel s at al l .
J es s i c a had dr i f t ed t o t he j ewel r y c ount er and we wer e al one.
" Yes ?" She hel d her l eg out , t wi st i ng her ank l e t o get a bet t er v i ew of
t he s hoe.
I c hi c k ened out . " I l i k e t hos e. "
" I t hi nk I ' l l get t hem — t hough t hey ' l l nev er mat c h any t hi ng but t he one
dr es s , " s he mus ed.
" Oh, go ahead — t hey ' r e on s al e, " I enc our aged. She s mi l ed, put t i ng t he
l i d bac k on a box t hat c ont ai ned mor e pr ac t i c al - l ook i ng of f - whi t e s hoes .
I t r i ed agai n. " Um, Angel a…" She l ook ed up c ur i ous l y .
" I s i t nor mal f or t he… Cul l ens " — I k ept my ey es on t he s hoes — " t o be
out of s c hool a l ot ?" I f ai l ed mi s er abl y i n my at t empt t o s ound
nonc hal ant .
" Yes , when t he weat her i s good t hey go bac k pac k i ng al l t he t i me — ev en
t he doc t or . They ' r e al l r eal out door s y , " s he t ol d me qui et l y , ex ami ni ng
her s hoes , t oo. She di dn' t as k one ques t i on, l et al one t he hundr eds t hat
J es s i c a woul d hav e unl eas hed. I was begi nni ng t o r eal l y l i k e Angel a.
" Oh. " I l et t he s ubj ec t dr op as Jes s i c a r et ur ned t o s how us t he
r hi nes t one j ewel r y s he' d f ound t o mat c h her s i l v er s hoes .
We pl anned t o go t o di nner at a l i t t l e I t al i an r es t aur ant on t he
boar dwal k , but t he dr es s s hoppi ng hadn' t t ak en as l ong as we' d ex pec t ed.
J es s and Angel a wer e goi ng t o t ake t hei r c l ot hes bac k t o t he c ar and t hen
wal k down t o t he bay . I t ol d t hem I woul d meet t hem at t he r es t aur ant i n
an hour — I want ed t o l ook f or a book s t or e. They wer e bot h wi l l i ng t o
c ome wi t h me, but I enc our aged t hem t o go hav e f un — t hey di dn' t know how
pr eoc c upi ed I c oul d get when s ur r ounded by book s ; i t was s omet hi ng I
pr ef er r ed t o do al one. They wal k ed of f t o t he c ar c hat t er i ng happi l y , and
I headed i n t he di r ec t i on J es s poi nt ed out .
I had no t r oubl e f i ndi ng t he books t or e, but i t was n' t what I was l ook i ng
f or . The wi ndows wer e f ul l of c r ys t al s , dr eam- c at c her s , and book s about
s pi r i t ual heal i ng. I di dn' t ev en go i ns i de. Thr ough t he gl as s I c oul d s ee
a f i f t y - y ear - ol d woman wi t h l ong, gr ay hai r wor n s t r ai ght down her bac k ,
c l ad i n a dr es s r i ght out of t he s i x t i es , s mi l i ng wel c omi ngl y f r om behi nd
t he c ount er . I dec i ded t hat was one c onv er s at i on I c oul d s k i p. Ther e had
t o be a nor mal book s t or e i n t own.
I meander ed t hr ough t he s t r eet s , whi c h wer e f i l l i ng up wi t h
end- of - t he- wor k day t r af f i c , and hoped I was headed t owar d downt own. I
was n' t pay i ng as muc h at t ent i on as I s houl d t o wher e I was goi ng; I was
wr es t l i ng wi t h des pai r . I was t r yi ng s o har d not t o t hi nk about hi m, and
what Angel a had s ai d… and mor e t han any t hi ng t r y i ng t o beat down my hopes
f or Sat ur day , f ear i ng a di s appoi nt ment mor e pai nf ul t han t he r es t , when I
l ook ed up t o s ee s omeone' s s i l v er Vol v o par k ed al ong t he s t r eet and i t
al l c ame c r as hi ng down on me. St upi d, unr el i abl e v ampi r e, I t hought t o
my s el f .
I s t omped al ong i n a s out her l y di r ec t i on, t owar d s ome gl as s - f r ont ed s hops
t hat l ook ed pr omi s i ng. But when I got t o t hem, t hey wer e j us t a r epai r
s hop and a v ac ant s pac e. I s t i l l had t oo muc h t i me t o go l ook i ng f or J es s
and Angel a y et , and I def i ni t el y needed t o get my mood i n hand bef or e I
met bac k up wi t h t hem. I r an my f i nger s t hr ough my hai r a c oupl e of t i mes
and t ook s ome deep br eat hs bef or e I c ont i nued ar ound t he c or ner .
I s t ar t ed t o r eal i z e, as I c r os s ed anot her r oad, t hat I was goi ng t he
wr ong di r ec t i on. The l i t t l e f oot t r af f i c I had s een was goi ng nor t h, and
i t l ook ed l i k e t he bui l di ngs her e wer e mos t l y war ehous es . I dec i ded t o
t ur n eas t at t he nex t c or ner , and t hen l oop ar ound af t er a f ew bl oc k s and
t r y my l uc k on a di f f er ent s t r eet on my way bac k t o t he boar dwal k .
A gr oup of f our men t ur ned ar ound t he c or ner I was headi ng f or , dr es s ed
t oo c as ual l y t o be headi ng home f r om t he of f i c e, but t hey wer e t oo gr i my
t o be t our i s t s . As t hey appr oac hed me, I r eal i z ed t hey wer en' t t oo many
y ear s ol der t han I was . They wer e j ok i ng l oudl y among t hems el v es ,
l aughi ng r auc ous l y and punc hi ng eac h ot her ' s ar ms . I s c oot ed as f ar t o
t he i ns i de of t he s i dewal k as I coul d t o gi v e t hem r oom, wal k i ng swi f t l y ,
l ook i ng pas t t hem t o t he c or ner .
" Hey , t her e! " one of t hem c al l ed as t hey pas s ed, and he had t o be t al k i ng
t o me s i nc e no one el s e was ar ound. I gl anc ed up aut omat i c al l y . Two of
t hem had paus ed, t he ot her t wo wer e s l owi ng. The c l os es t , a heav y set ,
dar k - hai r ed man i n hi s ear l y t went i es , s eemed t o be t he one who had
s pok en. He was wear i ng a f l annel s hi r t open ov er a di r t y t - s hi r t , c ut - of f
j eans , and s andal s . He t ook hal f a s t ep t owar d me.
" Hel l o, " I mumbl ed, a k nee- j er k r eac t i on. Then I qui c k l y l ook ed away and
wal k ed f as t er t owar d t he c or ner . I c oul d hear t hem l aughi ng at f ul l
v ol ume behi nd me.
" Hey , wai t ! " one of t hem c al l ed af t er me agai n, but I k ept my head down
and r ounded t he c or ner wi t h a s i gh of r el i ef . I c oul d s t i l l hear t hem
c hor t l i ng behi nd me.
I f ound my s el f on a s i dewal k l eadi ng pas t t he bac k s of s ev er al
s omber - c ol or ed war ehous es , eac h wi t h l ar ge bay door s f or unl oadi ng
t r uc k s , padl oc k ed f or t he ni ght . The s out h s i de of t he s t r eet had no
s i dewal k , onl y a c hai n- l i nk f enc e t opped wi t h bar bed wi r e pr ot ec t i ng s ome
k i nd of engi ne par t s s t or age y ar d. I ' d wander ed f ar pas t t he par t of Por t
Angel es t hat I , as a gues t , was i nt ended t o s ee. I t was get t i ng dar k , I
r eal i z ed, t he c l ouds f i nal l y r et ur ni ng, pi l i ng up on t he wes t er n hor i z on,
c r eat i ng an ear l y s uns et . The east er n s k y was s t i l l c l ear , but gr ay i ng,
s hot t hr ough wi t h s t r eak s of pi nk and or ange. I ' d l ef t my j ac k et i n t he
c ar , and a s udden s hi v er made me c r os s my ar ms t i ght l y ac r os s my ches t . A
s i ngl e v an pas s ed me, and t hen t he r oad was empt y .
The s k y s uddenl y dar k ened f ur t her , and, as I l ook ed ov er my s houl der t o
gl ar e at t he of f endi ng c l oud, I r eal i z ed wi t h a s hoc k t hat t wo men wer e
wal k i ng qui et l y t went y f eet behi nd me.
They wer e f r om t he s ame gr oup I ' d pas s ed at t he c or ner , t hough nei t her
was t he dar k one who' d s pok en t o me. I t ur ned my head f or war d at onc e,
qui c k eni ng my pac e. A c hi l l t hat had not hi ng t o do wi t h t he weat her made
me s hi v er agai n. My pur s e was on a s houl der s t r ap and I had i t s l ung
ac r os s my body , t he way y ou wer e s uppos ed t o wear i t s o i t woul dn' t get
s nat c hed. I k new ex ac t l y wher e my pepper s pr ay was — s t i l l i n my duf f l e
bag under t he bed, nev er unpac k ed. I di dn' t hav e muc h money wi t h me, j us t
a t went y and s ome ones , and I t hought about " ac c i dent al l y " dr oppi ng my
bag and wal k i ng away . But a s mal l , f r i ght ened v oi c e i n t he bac k of my
mi nd war ned me t hat t hey mi ght be s omet hi ng wor s e t han t hi ev es .
I l i s t ened i nt ent l y t o t hei r qui et f oot s t eps , whi c h wer e muc h t oo qui et
when c ompar ed t o t he boi s t er ous noi s e t hey ' d been mak i ng ear l i er , and i t
di dn' t s ound l i k e t hey wer e s peedi ng up, or get t i ng any c l os er t o me.
Br eat he, I had t o r emi nd my s el f . You don' t k now t hey ' r e f ol l owi ng y ou. I
c ont i nued t o wal k as qui c k l y as I c oul d wi t hout ac t ual l y r unni ng,
f oc us i ng on t he r i ght - hand t ur n t hat was onl y a f ew y ar ds away f r om me
now. I c oul d hear t hem, s t ay i ng as f ar bac k as t hey ' d been bef or e. A bl ue
c ar t ur ned ont o t he s t r eet f r om t he s out h and dr ov e qui c k l y pas t me. I
t hought of j umpi ng out i n f r ont of i t , but I hes i t at ed, i nhi bi t ed, uns ur e
t hat I was r eal l y bei ng pur s ued, and t hen i t was t oo l at e.
I r eac hed t he c or ner , but a s wi f t gl anc e r ev eal ed t hat i t was onl y a
bl i nd dr i v e t o t he bac k of anot her bui l di ng. I was hal f - t ur ned i n
ant i c i pat i on; I had t o hur r i edl y c or r ec t and das h ac r os s t he nar r ow
dr i v e, bac k t o t he s i dewal k . The s t r eet ended at t he nex t c or ner , wher e
t her e was a s t op s i gn. I c onc ent r at ed on t he f ai nt f oot s t eps behi nd me,
dec i di ng whet her or not t o r un. They s ounded f ar t her bac k , t hough, and I
k new t hey c oul d out r un me i n any c as e. I was s ur e t o t r i p and go
s pr awl i ng i f I t r i ed t o go any f as t er . The f oot f al l s wer e def i ni t el y
f ar t her bac k . I r i s k ed a qui c k gl anc e ov er my s houl der , and t hey wer e
may be f or t y f eet bac k now, I s aw wi t h r el i ef . But t hey wer e bot h st ar i ng
at me.
I t s eemed t o t ak e f or ev er f or me t o get t o t he c or ner . I k ept my pac e
s t eady , t he men behi nd me f al l i ng ev er s o s l i ght l y f ar t her behi nd wi t h
ev er y s t ep. May be t hey r eal i z ed t hey had s c ar ed me and wer e s or r y . I s aw
t wo c ar s goi ng nor t h pas s t he i nt er s ec t i on I was headi ng f or , and I
ex hal ed i n r el i ef . Ther e woul d be mor e peopl e ar ound onc e I got of f t hi s
des er t ed s t r eet . I s k i pped ar ound t he c or ner wi t h a gr at ef ul s i gh.
And s k i dded t o a s t op.
The s t r eet was l i ned on bot h s i des by bl ank , door l es s , wi ndowl es s wal l s .
I c oul d s ee i n t he di s t anc e, t wo i nt er s ec t i ons down, s t r eet l amps , c ar s ,
and mor e pedes t r i ans , but t hey wer e al l t oo f ar away . Bec aus e l oungi ng
agai ns t t he wes t er n bui l di ng, mi dway down t he s t r eet , wer e t he ot her t wo
men f r om t he gr oup, bot h wat c hi ng wi t h ex c i t ed s mi l es as I f r oz e dead on
t he s i dewal k . I r eal i z ed t hen t hat I was n' t bei ng f ol l owed.
I was bei ng her ded.
I paus ed f or onl y a s ec ond, but i t f el t l i k e a v er y l ong t i me. I t ur ned
t hen and dar t ed t o t he ot her s i de of t he r oad. I had a s i nk i ng f eel i ng
t hat i t was a was t ed at t empt . The f oot s t eps behi nd me wer e l ouder now.
" Ther e y ou ar e! " The boomi ng v oi ce of t he s t oc k y , dar k - hai r ed man
s hat t er ed t he i nt ens e qui et and made me j ump. I n t he gat her i ng dar k nes s ,
i t s eemed l i k e he was l ook i ng past me.
" Yeah, " a v oi c e c al l ed l oudl y f r om behi nd me, mak i ng me j ump agai n as I
t r i ed t o hur r y down t he s t r eet . " We j us t t ook a l i t t l e det our . "
My s t eps had t o s l ow now. I was cl os i ng t he di s t anc e bet ween my s el f and
t he l oungi ng pai r t oo qui c k l y . I had a good l oud s c r eam, and I s uck ed i n
ai r , pr epar i ng t o us e i t , but my t hr oat was s o dr y I was n' t s ur e how muc h
v ol ume I c oul d manage. Wi t h a qui c k mov ement I s l i pped my pur s e over my
head, gr i ppi ng t he s t r ap wi t h one hand, r eady t o s ur r ender i t or us e i t
as weapon as need demanded.
The t hi c k s et man s hr ugged away f r om t he wal l as I war i l y c ame t o a s t op,
and wal k ed s l owl y i nt o t he s t r eet .
" St ay away f r om me, " I war ned i n a v oi c e t hat was s uppos ed t o s ound
s t r ong and f ear l es s . But I was r i ght about t he dr y t hr oat — no v ol ume.
" Don' t be l i k e t hat , s ugar , " he cal l ed, and t he r auc ous l aught er st ar t ed
agai n behi nd me.
I br ac ed my s el f , f eet apar t , t r y i ng t o r emember t hr ough my pani c what
l i t t l e s el f - def ens e I k new. Heel of t he hand t hr us t upwar d, hopef ul l y
br eak i ng t he nos e or s hov i ng i t i nt o t he br ai n. Fi nger t hr ough t he ey e
s oc k et — t r y t o hook ar ound and pop t he ey e out . And t he s t andar d k nee t o
t he gr oi n, of c our s e. That s ame pes s i mi s t i c v oi c e i n my mi nd s pok e up
t hen, r emi ndi ng me t hat I pr obabl y woul dn' t hav e a c hanc e agai ns t one of
t hem, and t her e wer e f our . Shut up! I c ommanded t he v oi c e bef or e t er r or
c oul d i nc apac i t at e me. I was n' t goi ng out wi t hout t ak i ng s omeone wi t h me.
I t r i ed t o s wal l ow s o I c oul d bui l d up a dec ent s c r eam.
Headl i ght s s uddenl y f l ew ar ound t he c or ner , t he c ar al mos t hi t t i ng t he
s t oc k y one, f or c i ng hi m t o j ump bac k t owar d t he s i dewal k . I dov e i nt o t he
r oad — t hi s c ar was goi ng t o s t op, or hav e t o hi t me. But t he s i l ver c ar
unex pec t edl y f i s ht ai l ed ar ound, sk i ddi ng t o a st op wi t h t he pas s enger
door open j us t a f ew f eet f r om me.
" Get i n, " a f ur i ous v oi c e c ommanded.
I t was amaz i ng how i ns t ant aneous l y t he c hok i ng f ear v ani s hed, amazi ng how
s uddenl y t he f eel i ng of s ec ur i t y was hed ov er me — ev en bef or e I was of f
t he s t r eet — as s oon as I hear d hi s v oi c e. I j umped i nt o t he s eat ,
s l ammi ng t he door s hut behi nd me.
I t was dar k i n t he c ar , no l i ght had c ome on wi t h t he openi ng of t he
door , and I c oul d bar el y s ee hi s f ac e i n t he gl ow f r om t he das hboar d. The
t i r es s queal ed as he s pun ar ound t o f ac e nor t h, ac c el er at i ng t oo qui c k l y ,
s wer v i ng t owar d t he s t unned men on t he s t r eet . I c aught a gl i mps e of t hem
di v i ng f or t he s i dewal k as we s t r ai ght ened out and s ped t owar d t he har bor .
" Put on y our s eat bel t , " he c ommanded, and I r eal i z ed I was c l ut c hi ng t he
s eat wi t h bot h hands . I qui c k l y obey ed; t he s nap as t he bel t c onnec t ed
was l oud i n t he dar k nes s . He t ook a s har p l ef t , r ac i ng f or war d, bl owi ng
t hr ough s ev er al s t op s i gns wi t hout a paus e.
But I f el t ut t er l y s af e and, f or t he moment , t ot al l y unc onc er ned about
wher e we wer e goi ng. I s t ar ed at hi s f ac e i n pr of ound r el i ef , r el i ef t hat
went bey ond my s udden del i v er anc e. I s t udi ed hi s f l awl es s f eat ur es i n t he
l i mi t ed l i ght , wai t i ng f or my br eat h t o r et ur n t o nor mal , unt i l i t
oc c ur r ed t o me t hat hi s ex pr es s i on was mur der ous l y angr y .
" Ar e y ou ok ay ?" I as k ed, s ur pr i s ed at how hoar s e my v oi c e s ounded.
" No, " he s ai d c ur t l y , and hi s t one was l i v i d.
I s at i n s i l enc e, wat c hi ng hi s f ac e whi l e hi s bl az i ng ey es s t ar ed
s t r ai ght ahead, unt i l t he c ar c ame t o a s udden s t op. I gl anc ed ar ound,
but i t was t oo dar k t o s ee any t hi ng bes i de t he v ague out l i ne of dar k
t r ees c r owdi ng t he r oads i de. We wer en' t i n t own any mor e.
" Bel l a?" he as k ed, hi s v oi c e t i ght , c ont r ol l ed.
" Yes ?" My v oi c e was s t i l l r ough. I t r i ed t o c l ear my t hr oat qui et l y .
" Ar e y ou al l r i ght ?" He s t i l l di dn' t l ook at me, but t he f ur y was pl ai n
on hi s f ac e.
" Yes , " I c r oak ed s of t l y .
" Di s t r ac t me, pl eas e, " he or der ed.
" I ' m s or r y , what ?"
He ex hal ed s har pl y .
" J us t pr at t l e about s omet hi ng uni mpor t ant unt i l I c al m down, " he
c l ar i f i ed, c l os i ng hi s ey es and pi nc hi ng t he br i dge of hi s nos e wi t h hi s
t humb and f or ef i nger .
" Um. " I wr ac k ed my br ai n f or s omet hi ng t r i v i al . " I ' m goi ng t o r un ov er
Ty l er Cr owl ey t omor r ow bef or e s c hool ?"
He was s t i l l s queez i ng hi s ey es cl os ed, but t he c or ner of hi s mout h
t wi t c hed.
" Why ?"
" He' s t el l i ng ev er y one t hat he' s t ak i ng me t o pr om — ei t her he' s i ns ane
or he' s s t i l l t r y i ng t o mak e up f or al mos t k i l l i ng me l as t … wel l , y ou
r emember i t , and he t hi nk s pr om i s s omehow t he c or r ec t way t o do t hi s . So
I f i gur e i f I endanger hi s l i f e, t hen we' r e ev en, and he c an' t k eep
t r y i ng t o mak e amends . I don' t need enemi es and may be Laur en woul d bac k
of f i f he l ef t me al one. I mi ght hav e t o t ot al hi s Sent r a, t hough. I f he
does n' t hav e a r i de he c an' t t ak e any one t o pr om…" I babbl ed on.
" I hear d about t hat . " He s ounded a bi t mor e c ompos ed.
" You di d?" I as k ed i n di s bel i ef , my pr ev i ous i r r i t at i on f l ar i ng. " I f he' s
par al y z ed f r om t he nec k down, he c an' t go t o t he pr om, ei t her , " I
mut t er ed, r ef i ni ng my pl an.
Edwar d s i ghed, and f i nal l y opened hi s ey es .
" Bet t er ?"
" Not r eal l y . "
I wai t ed, but he di dn' t s peak agai n. He l eaned hi s head bac k agai ns t t he
s eat , s t ar i ng at t he c ei l i ng of t he c ar . Hi s f ac e was r i gi d.
" What ' s wr ong?" My v oi c e c ame out i n a whi s per .
" Somet i mes I hav e a pr obl em wi t h my t emper , Bel l a. " He was whi s per i ng,
t oo, and as he s t ar ed out t he wi ndow, hi s ey es nar r owed i nt o s l i t s. " But
i t woul dn' t be hel pf ul f or me t o t ur n ar ound and hunt down t hos e…" He
di dn' t f i ni s h hi s s ent enc e, l ook i ng away , s t r uggl i ng f or a moment t o
c ont r ol hi s anger agai n. " At l east , " he c ont i nued, " t hat ' s what I ' m
t r y i ng t o c onv i nc e my s el f . "
" Oh. " The wor d s eemed i nadequat e, but I c oul dn' t t hi nk of a bet t er
r es pons e.
We s at i n s i l enc e agai n. I gl anc ed at t he c l oc k on t he das hboar d. I t was
pas t s i x - t hi r t y .
" J es s i c a and Angel a wi l l be wor r i ed, " I mur mur ed. " I was s uppos ed t o meet
t hem. "
He s t ar t ed t he engi ne wi t hout anot her wor d, t ur ni ng ar ound s moot hl y and
s peedi ng bac k t owar d t own. We wer e under t he s t r eet l i ght s i n no t i me at
al l , s t i l l goi ng t oo f as t , weav i ng wi t h eas e t hr ough t he c ar s s l owl y
c r ui s i ng t he boar dwal k . He par al l el - par k ed agai ns t t he c ur b i n a spac e I
woul d hav e t hought muc h t oo s mal l f or t he Vol v o, but he s l i d i n
ef f or t l es s l y i n one t r y . I l ook ed out t he wi ndow t o s ee t he l i ght s of La
Bel l a I t al i a, and J es s and Angel a j us t l eav i ng, pac i ng anx i ous l y away
f r om us .
" How di d y ou k now wher e… ?" I began, but t hen I j us t s hook my head. I
hear d t he door open and t ur ned t o s ee hi m get t i ng out .
" What ar e y ou doi ng?" I as k ed.
"I ' m t ak i ng y ou t o di nner . " He s mi l ed s l i ght l y , but hi s ey es wer e har d.
He s t epped out of t he c ar and s l ammed t he door . I f umbl ed wi t h my s eat
bel t , and t hen hur r i ed t o get out of t he c ar as wel l . He was wai t i ng f or
me on t he s i dewal k .
He s pok e bef or e I c oul d. " Go s t op J es s i c a and Angel a bef or e I hav e t o
t r ac k t hem down, t oo. I don' t t hi nk I c oul d r es t r ai n my s el f i f I r an i nt o
y our ot her f r i ends agai n. "
I s hi v er ed at t he t hr eat i n hi s voi c e.
" J es s ! Angel a! " I y el l ed af t er t hem, wav i ng when t hey t ur ned. They r us hed
bac k t o me, t he pr onounc ed r el i ef on bot h t hei r f ac es s i mul t aneousl y
c hangi ng t o s ur pr i s e as t hey s aw who I was s t andi ng nex t t o. They
hes i t at ed a f ew f eet f r om us .
" Wher e hav e y ou been?" J es s i c a' s v oi c e was s us pi c i ous .
" I got l os t , " I admi t t ed s heepi s hl y . " And t hen I r an i nt o Edwar d. " I
ges t ur ed t owar d hi m.
" Woul d i t be al l r i ght i f I j oi ned y ou?" he as k ed i n hi s s i l k en,
i r r es i s t i bl e v oi c e. I c oul d s ee f r om t hei r s t agger ed ex pr es s i ons t hat he
had nev er unl eas hed hi s t al ent s on t hem bef or e.
" Er … s ur e, " J es s i c a br eat hed.
" Um, ac t ual l y , Bel l a, we al r eady at e whi l e we wer e wai t i ng — s or r y, "
Angel a c onf es s ed.
" That ' s f i ne — I ' m not hungr y . " I s hr ugged.
" I t hi nk y ou s houl d eat s omet hi ng. " Edwar d' s v oi c e was l ow, but f ul l of
aut hor i t y . He l ook ed up at J es s i ca and s pok e s l i ght l y l ouder . " Do y ou
mi nd i f I dr i v e Bel l a home t oni ght ? That way y ou won' t hav e t o wai t whi l e
s he eat s . "
" Uh, no pr obl em, I gues s …" She bi t her l i p, t r y i ng t o f i gur e out f r om my
ex pr es s i on whet her t hat was what I want ed. I wi nk ed at her . I want ed
not hi ng mor e t han t o be al one wi t h my per pet ual s av i or . Ther e wer e s o
many ques t i ons t hat I c oul dn' t bombar d hi m wi t h t i l l we wer e by our s el v es .
" Ok ay . " Angel a was qui c k er t han Jes s i c a. " See y ou t omor r ow, Bel l a…
Edwar d. " She gr abbed J es s i c a' s hand and pul l ed her t owar d t he c ar , whi c h
I c oul d s ee a l i t t l e way s away , par k ed ac r os s Fi r s t St r eet . As t hey got
i n, J es s t ur ned and wav ed, her f ac e eager wi t h c ur i os i t y . I wav ed bac k ,
wai t i ng f or t hem t o dr i v e away bef or e I t ur ned t o f ac e hi m.
" Hones t l y , I ' m not hungr y , " I i nsi s t ed, l ook i ng up t o s c r ut i ni z e hi s
f ac e. Hi s ex pr es s i on was unr eadabl e.
" Humor me. "
He wal k ed t o t he door of t he r es t aur ant and hel d i t open wi t h an
obs t i nat e ex pr es s i on. Obv i ous l y , t her e woul d be no f ur t her di s c us si on. I
wal k ed pas t hi m i nt o t he r es t aur ant wi t h a r es i gned s i gh.
The r es t aur ant was n' t c r owded — i t was t he of f - s eas on i n Por t Angel es .
The hos t was f emal e, and I under st ood t he l ook i n her ey es as s he
as s es s ed Edwar d. She wel c omed hi m a little mor e war ml y t han nec es sar y . I
was s ur pr i s ed by how muc h t hat bot her ed me. She was s ev er al i nc hes t al l er
t han I was , and unnat ur al l y bl ond.
" A t abl e f or t wo?" Hi s v oi c e was al l ur i ng, whet her he was ai mi ng f or t hat
or not . I s aw her ey es f l i c k er t o me and t hen away , s at i s f i ed by my
obv i ous or di nar i nes s , and by t he c aut i ous , no- c ont ac t s pac e Edwar d k ept
bet ween us . She l ed us t o a t abl e bi g enough f or f our i n t he c ent er of
t he mos t c r owded ar ea of t he di ni ng f l oor .
I was about t o s i t , but Edwar d s hook hi s head at me.
" Per haps s omet hi ng mor e pr i v at e?" he i ns i s t ed qui et l y t o t he hos t . I
was n' t s ur e, but i t l ook ed l i k e he s moot hl y handed her a t i p. I ' d nev er
s een any one r ef us e a t abl e ex c ept i n ol d mov i es .
" Sur e. " She s ounded as s ur pr i s ed as I was . She t ur ned and l ed us ar ound a
par t i t i on t o a s mal l r i ng of boot hs — al l of t hem empt y . " How' s t hi s ?"
" Per f ec t . " He f l as hed hi s gl eami ng s mi l e, daz i ng her moment ar i l y .
" Um" — s he s hook her head, bl i nk i ng — " y our s er v er wi l l be r i ght out . "
She wal k ed away uns t eadi l y .
" You r eal l y s houl dn' t do t hat t o peopl e, " I c r i t i c i z ed. " I t ' s har dl y
f ai r . "
" Do what ?"
" Daz z l e t hem l i k e t hat — s he' s pr obabl y hy per v ent i l at i ng i n t he k i t c hen
r i ght now. "
He s eemed c onf us ed.
" Oh, c ome on, " I s ai d dubi ous l y . " You hav e t o k now t he ef f ec t y ou hav e on
peopl e. "
He t i l t ed hi s head t o one s i de, and hi s ey es wer e c ur i ous . " I daz zl e
peopl e?"
" You hav en' t not i c ed? Do y ou t hi nk ev er y body get s t hei r way s o easi l y ?"
He i gnor ed my ques t i ons . " Do I daz z l e y ou?"
" Fr equent l y , " I admi t t ed.
And t hen our s er v er ar r i v ed, her f ac e ex pec t ant . The hos t es s had
def i ni t el y di s hed behi nd t he s c enes , and t hi s new gi r l di dn' t l ook
di s appoi nt ed. She f l i pped a s t r and of s hor t bl ac k hai r behi nd one ear and
s mi l ed wi t h unnec es s ar y war mt h.
" Hel l o. My name i s Amber , and I ' l l be y our s er v er t oni ght . What c an I get
y ou t o dr i nk ?" I di dn' t mi s s t hat s he was s peak i ng onl y t o hi m.
He l ook ed at me.
" I ' l l hav e a Cok e. " I t s ounded l i k e a ques t i on.
" Two Cok es , " he s ai d.
" I ' l l be r i ght bac k wi t h t hat , " she as s ur ed hi m wi t h anot her unneces s ar y
s mi l e. But he di dn' t s ee i t . He was wat c hi ng me.
" What ?" I as k ed when s he l ef t .
Hi s ey es s t ay ed f i x ed on my f ac e. " How ar e y ou f eel i ng?"
" I ' m f i ne, " I r epl i ed, s ur pr i s ed by hi s i nt ens i t y .
" You don' t f eel di z z y , s i c k , c ol d… ?"
" Shoul d I ?"
He c huc k l ed at my puz z l ed t one.
" Wel l , I ' m ac t ual l y wai t i ng f or you t o go i nt o s hoc k . " Hi s f ac e t wi s t ed
up i nt o t hat per f ec t c r ook ed s mi l e.
" I don' t t hi nk t hat wi l l happen, " I s ai d af t er I c oul d br eat he agai n.
" I ' v e al way s been v er y good at r epr es s i ng unpl eas ant t hi ngs . "
" J us t t he s ame, I ' l l f eel bet t er when y ou hav e s ome s ugar and f ood i n
y ou. "
Ri ght on c ue, t he wai t r es s appear ed wi t h our dr i nk s and a bas k et of
br eads t i c k s . She s t ood wi t h her bac k t o me as s he pl ac ed t hem on t he
t abl e.
" Ar e y ou r eady t o or der ?" s he as ked Edwar d.
" Bel l a?" he as k ed. She t ur ned unwi l l i ngl y t owar d me.
I pi c k ed t he f i r s t t hi ng I s aw on t he menu. " Um… I ' l l hav e t he mushr oom
r av i ol i . "
" And y ou?" She t ur ned bac k t o hi m wi t h a s mi l e.
" Not hi ng f or me, " he s ai d. Of c our s e not .
" Let me k now i f y ou c hange y our mi nd. " The c oy s mi l e was s t i l l i n pl ac e,
but he was n' t l ook i ng at her , and s he l ef t di s s at i s f i ed.
" Dr i nk , " he or der ed.
I s i pped at my s oda obedi ent l y , and t hen dr ank mor e deepl y , s ur pr i s ed by
how t hi r s t y I was . I r eal i z ed I had f i ni s hed t he whol e t hi ng when he
pus hed hi s gl as s t owar d me.
" Thank s , " I mut t er ed, s t i l l t hi r st y . The c ol d f r om t he i c y s oda was
r adi at i ng t hr ough my c hes t , and I s hi v er ed.
" Ar e y ou c ol d?"
" I t ' s j us t t he Cok e, " I ex pl ai ned, s hi v er i ng agai n.
" Don' t y ou hav e a j ac k et ?" Hi s v oi c e was di s appr ov i ng.
" Yes . " I l ook ed at t he empt y bench nex t t o me. " Oh — I l ef t i t i n
J es s i c a' s c ar , " I r eal i z ed.
Edwar d was s hr uggi ng out of hi s j ac k et . I s uddenl y r eal i z ed t hat I had
nev er onc e not i c ed what he was wear i ng — not j us t t oni ght , but ev er . I
j us t c oul dn' t s eem t o l ook away f r om hi s f ac e. I made my s el f l ook now,
f oc us i ng. He was r emov i ng a l i ght bei ge l eat her j ac k et now; under neat h he
wor e an i v or y t ur t l enec k s weat er . I t f i t hi m s nugl y , emphas i z i ng how
mus c ul ar hi s c hes t was .
He handed me t he j ac k et , i nt er r upt i ng my ogl i ng.
" Thank s , " I s ai d agai n, s l i di ng my ar ms i nt o hi s j ac k et . I t was c ol d —
t he way my j ac k et f el t when I f i r s t pi c k ed i t up i n t he mor ni ng, hangi ng
i n t he dr af t y hal l way . I s hi v er ed agai n. I t s mel l ed amaz i ng. I i nhal ed,
t r y i ng t o i dent i f y t he del i c i ous s c ent . I t di dn' t s mel l l i k e c ol ogne. The
s l eev es wer e muc h t oo l ong; I s hov ed t hem bac k s o I c oul d f r ee my hands .
" That c ol or bl ue l ook s l ov el y wi t h y our s k i n, " he s ai d, wat c hi ng me. I
was s ur pr i s ed; I l ook ed down, f l us hi ng, of c our s e.
He pus hed t he br ead bas k et t owar d me.
" Real l y , I ' m not goi ng i nt o s hoc k, " I pr ot es t ed.
" You s houl d be — a nor mal per s on woul d be. You don' t ev en l ook s hak en. "
He s eemed uns et t l ed. He s t ar ed i nt o my ey es , and I s aw how l i ght hi s ey es
wer e, l i ght er t han I ' d ev er s een t hem, gol den but t er s c ot c h.
" I f eel v er y s af e wi t h y ou, " I c onf es s ed, mes mer i z ed i nt o t el l i ng t he
t r ut h agai n.
That di s pl eas ed hi m; hi s al abas t er br ow f ur r owed. He s hook hi s head,
f r owni ng.
" Thi s i s mor e c ompl i c at ed t han I ' d pl anned, " he mur mur ed t o hi ms el f .
I pi c k ed up a br eads t i c k and began ni bbl i ng on t he end, meas ur i ng hi s
ex pr es s i on. I wonder ed when i t woul d be ok ay t o s t ar t ques t i oni ng hi m.
" Us ual l y y ou' r e i n a bet t er mood when y our ey es ar e s o l i ght , " I
c omment ed, t r y i ng t o di s t r ac t hi m f r om what ev er t hought had l ef t hi m
f r owni ng and s omber .
He s t ar ed at me, s t unned. " What ?"
" You' r e al way s c r abbi er when y our ey es ar e bl ac k — I ex pec t i t t hen, " I
went on. " I hav e a t heor y about t hat . "
Hi s ey es nar r owed. " Mor e t heor i es?"
" Mm- hm. " I c hewed on a s mal l bi t e of t he br ead, t r y i ng t o l ook
i ndi f f er ent .
" I hope y ou wer e mor e c r eat i v e t hi s t i me… or ar e y ou s t i l l s t eal i ng f r om
c omi c book s ?" Hi s f ai nt s mi l e was moc k i ng; hi s ey es wer e s t i l l t i ght .
" Wel l , no, I di dn' t get i t f r om a c omi c book , but I di dn' t c ome up wi t h
i t on my own, ei t her , " I c onf es s ed.
" And?" he pr ompt ed.
But t hen t he wai t r es s s t r ode ar ound t he par t i t i on wi t h my f ood. I
r eal i z ed we' d been unc ons c i ous l y l eani ng t owar d eac h ot her ac r os s t he
t abl e, bec aus e we bot h s t r ai ght ened up as s he appr oac hed. She s et t he
di s h i n f r ont of me — i t l ook ed pr et t y good — and t ur ned qui c k l y t o
Edwar d.
" Di d y ou c hange y our mi nd?" s he as k ed. " I s n' t t her e any t hi ng I c an get
y ou?" I may hav e been i magi ni ng t he doubl e meani ng i n her wor ds .
" No, t hank y ou, but s ome mor e s oda woul d be ni c e. " He ges t ur ed wi t h a
l ong whi t e hand t o t he empt y c ups i n f r ont of me.
" Sur e. " She r emov ed t he empt y gl as s es and wal k ed away .
" You wer e s ay i ng?" he as k ed.
" I ' l l t el l y ou about i t i n t he c ar . I f …" I paus ed.
" Ther e ar e c ondi t i ons ?" He r ai s ed one ey ebr ow, hi s v oi c e omi nous .
" I do hav e a f ew ques t i ons , of c our s e. "
" Of c our s e. "
The wai t r es s was bac k wi t h t wo mor e Cok es . She s at t hem down wi t hout a
wor d t hi s t i me, and l ef t agai n.
I t ook a s i p.
" Wel l , go ahead, " he pus hed, hi s v oi c e s t i l l har d.
I s t ar t ed wi t h t he mos t undemandi ng. Or s o I t hought . " Why ar e y ou i n
Por t Angel es ?"
He l ook ed down, f ol di ng hi s l ar ge hands t oget her s l owl y on t he t abl e. Hi s
ey es f l i c k er ed up at me f r om under hi s l as hes , t he hi nt of a s mi r k on hi s
f ac e.
" Nex t . "
" But t hat ' s t he eas i es t one, " I obj ec t ed.
" Nex t , " he r epeat ed.
I l ook ed down, f r us t r at ed. I unr ol l ed my s i l v er war e, pi c k ed up my f or k ,
and c ar ef ul l y s pear ed a r av i ol i . I put i t i n my mout h s l owl y , s t i l l
l ook i ng down, c hewi ng whi l e I t hought . The mus hr ooms wer e good. I
s wal l owed and t ook anot her s i p of Cok e bef or e I l ook ed up.
" Ok ay , t hen. " I gl ar ed at hi m, and c ont i nued s l owl y . " Let ' s s ay ,
hy pot het i c al l y of c our s e, t hat … someone… c oul d k now what peopl e ar e
t hi nk i ng, r ead mi nds , y ou k now — wi t h a f ew ex c ept i ons . "
" J us t one ex c ept i on, " he c or r ec t ed, " hy pot het i c al l y . "
" Al l r i ght , wi t h one ex c ept i on, t hen. " I was t hr i l l ed t hat he was pl ay i ng
al ong, but I t r i ed t o s eem c as ual .
" How does t hat wor k ? What ar e t he l i mi t at i ons ? How woul d… t hat s omeone…
f i nd s omeone el s e at ex ac t l y t he r i ght t i me? How woul d he k now s he was i n
t r oubl e?" I wonder ed i f my c onv ol ut ed ques t i ons ev en made s ens e.
" Hy pot het i c al l y ?" he as k ed.
" Sur e. "
" Wel l , i f … t hat s omeone…"
" Let ' s c al l hi m ' J oe, ' " I s ugges t ed.
He s mi l ed wr y l y . " J oe, t hen. I f Joe had been pay i ng at t ent i on, t he t i mi ng
woul dn' t hav e needed t o be qui t e s o ex ac t . " He s hook hi s head, r ol l i ng
hi s ey es . " Onl y y ou c oul d get i nt o t r oubl e i n a t own t hi s s mal l . You
woul d hav e dev as t at ed t hei r c r i me r at e s t at i s t i c s f or a dec ade, y ou k now. "
" We wer e s peak i ng of a hy pot het i cal c as e, " I r emi nded hi m f r os t i l y.
He l aughed at me, hi s ey es war m.
" Yes , we wer e, " he agr eed. " Shal l we c al l y ou ' J ane' ?"
" How di d y ou k now?" I as k ed, unabl e t o c ur b my i nt ens i t y . I r eal i zed I
was l eani ng t owar d hi m agai n.
He s eemed t o be wav er i ng, t or n by s ome i nt er nal di l emma. Hi s ey es l oc k ed
wi t h mi ne, and I gues s ed he was mak i ng t he dec i s i on r i ght t hen whet her or
not t o s i mpl y t el l me t he t r ut h.
" You c an t r us t me, y ou k now, " I mur mur ed. I r eac hed f or war d, wi t hout
t hi nk i ng, t o t ouc h hi s f ol ded hands , but he s l i d t hem away mi nut el y , and
I pul l ed my hand bac k .
" I don' t k now i f I hav e a c hoi c e any mor e. " Hi s v oi c e was al mos t a
whi s per . " I was wr ong — y ou' r e muc h mor e obs er v ant t han I gav e y ou c r edi t
f or . "
" I t hought y ou wer e al way s r i ght . "
" I us ed t o be. " He s hook hi s head agai n. " I was wr ong about y ou on one
ot her t hi ng, as wel l . You' r e not a magnet f or ac c i dent s — t hat ' s not a
br oad enough c l as s i f i c at i on. You ar e a magnet f or t r oubl e. I f t her e i s
any t hi ng danger ous wi t hi n a t en- mi l e r adi us , i t wi l l i nv ar i abl y f i nd y ou. "
" And y ou put y our s el f i nt o t hat cat egor y ?" I gues s ed.
Hi s f ac e t ur ned c ol d, ex pr es s i onl es s . " Unequi v oc al l y . "
I s t r et c hed my hand ac r os s t he t abl e agai n — i gnor i ng hi m when he pul l ed
bac k s l i ght l y onc e mor e — t o t ouch t he bac k of hi s hand s hy l y wi t h my
f i nger t i ps . Hi s s k i n was c ol d and har d, l i k e a s t one.
" Thank y ou. " My v oi c e was f er v ent wi t h gr at i t ude. " That ' s t wi c e now. "
Hi s f ac e s of t ened. " Let ' s not t r y f or t hr ee, agr eed?"
I s c owl ed, but nodded. He mov ed hi s hand out f r om under mi ne, pl aci ng
bot h of hi s under t he t abl e. But he l eaned t owar d me.
" I f ol l owed y ou t o Por t Angel es , " he admi t t ed, s peak i ng i n a r us h. " I ' v e
nev er t r i ed t o k eep a s pec i f i c per s on al i v e bef or e, and i t ' s muc h mor e
t r oubl es ome t han I woul d hav e bel i ev ed. But t hat ' s pr obabl y j us t bec aus e
i t ' s y ou. Or di nar y peopl e s eem t o mak e i t t hr ough t he day wi t hout s o many
c at as t r ophes . " He paus ed. I wonder ed i f i t s houl d bot her me t hat he was
f ol l owi ng me; i ns t ead I f el t a s t r ange s ur ge of pl eas ur e. He s t ar ed,
may be wonder i ng why my l i ps wer e c ur v i ng i nt o an i nv ol unt ar y s mi l e.
" Di d y ou ev er t hi nk t hat may be my number was up t he f i r s t t i me, wi t h t he
v an, and t hat y ou' v e been i nt er f er i ng wi t h f at e?" I s pec ul at ed,
di s t r ac t i ng my s el f .
" That was n' t t he f i r s t t i me, " he s ai d, and hi s v oi c e was har d t o hear . I
s t ar ed at hi m i n amaz ement , but he was l ook i ng down. " Your number was up
t he f i r s t t i me I met y ou. "
I f el t a s pas m of f ear at hi s wor ds , and t he abr upt memor y of hi s v i ol ent
bl ac k gl ar e t hat f i r s t day … but t he ov er whel mi ng s ens e of s af et y I f el t
i n hi s pr es enc e s t i f l ed i t . By t he t i me he l ook ed up t o r ead my eyes ,
t her e was no t r ac e of f ear i n t hem.
" You r emember ?" he as k ed, hi s angel ' s f ac e gr av e.
" Yes . " I was c al m.
" And y et her e y ou s i t . " Ther e was a t r ac e of di s bel i ef i n hi s v oi ce; he
r ai s ed one ey ebr ow.
" Yes , her e I s i t … bec aus e of y ou. " I paus ed. " Bec aus e s omehow y ou k new
how t o f i nd me t oday … ?" I pr ompt ed.
He pr es s ed hi s l i ps t oget her , s t ar i ng at me t hr ough nar r owed ey es ,
dec i di ng agai n. Hi s ey es f l as hed down t o my f ul l pl at e, and t hen bac k t o
me.
" You eat , I ' l l t al k , " he bar gai ned.
I qui c k l y s c ooped up anot her r av i ol i and popped i t i n my mout h.
" I t ' s har der t han i t s houl d be — k eepi ng t r ac k of y ou. Us ual l y I can f i nd
s omeone v er y eas i l y , onc e I ' v e hear d t hei r mi nd bef or e. " He l ook ed at me
anx i ous l y , and I r eal i z ed I had f r oz en. I made my s el f s wal l ow, t hen
s t abbed anot her r av i ol i and t os s ed i t i n.
" I was k eepi ng t abs on J es s i c a, not c ar ef ul l y — l i k e I s ai d, onl y y ou
c oul d f i nd t r oubl e i n Por t Angel es — and at f i r s t I di dn' t not i c e when
y ou t ook of f on y our own. Then, when I r eal i z ed t hat y ou wer en' t wi t h her
any mor e, I went l ook i ng f or y ou at t he book s t or e I s aw i n her head. I
c oul d t el l t hat y ou hadn' t gone i n, and t hat y ou' d gone s out h… and I k new
y ou woul d hav e t o t ur n ar ound s oon. So I was j us t wai t i ng f or y ou,
r andoml y s ear c hi ng t hr ough t he t hought s of peopl e on t he s t r eet — t o s ee
i f any one had not i c ed y ou s o I woul d k now wher e y ou wer e. I had no r eas on
t o be wor r i ed… but I was s t r angel y anx i ous …" He was l os t i n t hought ,
s t ar i ng pas t me, s eei ng t hi ngs I c oul dn' t i magi ne.
"I s t ar t ed t o dr i v e i n c i r c l es , st i l l … l i s t eni ng. The s un was f i nal l y
s et t i ng, and I was about t o get out and f ol l ow y ou on f oot . And t hen —"
He s t opped, c l enc hi ng hi s t eet h t oget her i n s udden f ur y . He made an
ef f or t t o c al m hi ms el f .
" Then what ?" I whi s per ed. He c ont i nued t o s t ar e ov er my head.
" I hear d what t hey wer e t hi nk i ng, " he gr owl ed, hi s upper l i p c ur l i ng
s l i ght l y bac k ov er hi s t eet h. " I s aw y our f ac e i n hi s mi nd. " He s uddenl y
l eaned f or war d, one el bow appear i ng on t he t abl e, hi s hand c ov er i ng hi s
ey es . The mov ement was s o s wi f t i t s t ar t l ed me.
"I t was v er y … har d — y ou c an' t i magi ne how har d — f or me t o s i mpl y t ak e
y ou away , and l eav e t hem… al i v e. " Hi s v oi c e was muf f l ed by hi s ar m. " I
c oul d hav e l et y ou go wi t h J es s i ca and Angel a, but I was af r ai d i f y ou
l ef t me al one, I woul d go l ook i ng f or t hem, " he admi t t ed i n a whi sper .
I s at qui et l y , daz ed, my t hought s i nc oher ent . My hands wer e f ol ded i n my
l ap, and I was l eani ng weak l y agai ns t t he bac k of t he s eat . He s t i l l had
hi s f ac e i n hi s hand, and he was as s t i l l as i f he' d been c ar v ed f r om t he
s t one hi s s k i n r es embl ed.
Fi nal l y he l ook ed up, hi s ey es s eek i ng mi ne, f ul l of hi s own ques t i ons .
" Ar e y ou r eady t o go home?" he ask ed.
" I ' m r eady t o l eav e, " I qual i f i ed, ov er l y gr at ef ul t hat we had t he
hour - l ong r i de home t oget her . I was n' t r eady t o s ay goodby e t o hi m.
The wai t r es s appear ed as i f s he' d been c al l ed. Or wat c hi ng.
" How ar e we doi ng?" s he as k ed Edwar d.
" We' r e r eady f or t he c hec k , t hank y ou. " Hi s v oi c e was qui et , r ougher ,
s t i l l r ef l ec t i ng t he s t r ai n of our c onv er s at i on. I t s eemed t o muddl e her .
He l ook ed up, wai t i ng.
" S- s ur e, " s he s t ut t er ed. " Her e y ou go. " She pul l ed a s mal l l eat her f ol der
f r om t he f r ont poc k et of her bl ack apr on and handed i t t o hi m.
Ther e was a bi l l i n hi s hand al r eady . He s l i pped i t i nt o t he f ol der and
handed i t r i ght bac k t o her .
" No c hange. " He s mi l ed. Then he st ood up, and I s c r ambl ed awk war dl y t o my
f eet .
She s mi l ed i nv i t i ngl y at hi m agai n. " You hav e a ni c e ev eni ng. "
He di dn' t l ook away f r om me as he t hank ed her . I s uppr es s ed a s mi l e.
He wal k ed c l os e bes i de me t o t he door , s t i l l c ar ef ul not t o t ouc h me. I
r emember ed what J es s i c a had s ai d about her r el at i ons hi p wi t h Mi k e, how
t hey wer e al mos t t o t he f i r s t - k i ss s t age. I s i ghed. Edwar d s eemed t o hear
me, and he l ook ed down c ur i ous l y . I l ook ed at t he s i dewal k , gr at ef ul t hat
he di dn' t s eem t o be abl e t o k now what I was t hi nk i ng.
He opened t he pas s enger door , hol di ng i t f or me as I s t epped i n, shut t i ng
i t s of t l y behi nd me. I wat c hed hi m wal k ar ound t he f r ont of t he c ar ,
amaz ed, y et agai n, by how gr ac ef ul he was . I pr obabl y s houl d hav e been
us ed t o t hat by now — but I was n' t . I had a f eel i ng Edwar d was n' t t he
k i nd of per s on any one got us ed t o.
Onc e i ns i de t he c ar , he s t ar t ed t he engi ne and t ur ned t he heat er on hi gh.
I t had got t en v er y c ol d, and I gues s ed t he good weat her was at an end. I
was war m i n hi s j ac k et , t hough, br eat hi ng i n t he s c ent of i t when I
t hought he c oul dn' t s ee.
Edwar d pul l ed out t hr ough t he t r af f i c , appar ent l y wi t hout a gl anc e,
f l i ppi ng ar ound t o head t owar d t he f r eeway .
" Now, " he s ai d s i gni f i c ant l y , " i t ' s y our t ur n. "
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9. THEORY

" Can I as k j us t one mor e?" I pl eaded as Edwar d ac c el er at ed muc h t oo

qui c k l y down t he qui et s t r eet . He di dn' t s eem t o be pay i ng any at t ent i on
t o t he r oad.
He s i ghed.
" One, " he agr eed. Hi s l i ps pr es s ed t oget her i nt o a c aut i ous l i ne.
" Wel l … y ou s ai d y ou k new I hadn' t gone i nt o t he book s t or e, and t hat I had
gone s out h. I was j us t wonder i ng how y ou k new t hat . "
He l ook ed away , del i ber at i ng.
" I t hought we wer e pas t al l t he ev as i v enes s , " I gr umbl ed.
He al mos t s mi l ed.
" Fi ne, t hen. I f ol l owed y our s c ent . " He l ook ed at t he r oad, gi v i ng me
t i me t o c ompos e my f ac e. I c oul dn' t t hi nk of an ac c ept abl e r es ponse t o
t hat , but I f i l ed i t c ar ef ul l y away f or f ut ur e s t udy . I t r i ed t o r ef oc us .
I was n' t r eady t o l et hi m be f i ni s hed, now t hat he was f i nal l y ex pl ai ni ng
t hi ngs .
" And t hen y ou di dn' t ans wer one of my f i r s t ques t i ons …" I s t al l ed.
He l ook ed at me wi t h di s appr ov al . " Whi c h one?"
" How does i t wor k — t he mi nd- r eadi ng t hi ng? Can y ou r ead any body ' s mi nd,
any wher e? How do y ou do i t ? Can t he r es t of y our f ami l y … ?" I f el t s i l l y ,
as k i ng f or c l ar i f i c at i on on mak e- bel i ev e.
" That ' s mor e t han one, " he poi nt ed out . I s i mpl y i nt er t wi ned my f i nger s
and gaz ed at hi m, wai t i ng.
" No, i t ' s j us t me. And I c an' t hear any one, any wher e. I hav e t o be f ai r l y
c l os e. The mor e f ami l i ar s omeone' s … ' v oi c e' i s , t he f ar t her away I c an
hear t hem. But s t i l l , no mor e t han a f ew mi l es . " He paus ed t hought f ul l y .
" I t ' s a l i t t l e l i k e bei ng i n a huge hal l f i l l ed wi t h peopl e, ev er yone
t al k i ng at onc e. I t ' s j us t a hum — a buz z i ng of v oi c es i n t he bac kgr ound.
Unt i l I f oc us on one v oi c e, and t hen what t hey ' r e t hi nk i ng i s c l ear .
" Mos t of t he t i me I t une i t al l out — i t c an be v er y di s t r ac t i ng. And
t hen i t ' s eas i er t o s eem nor mal " — he f r owned as he s ai d t he wor d — " when
I ' m not ac c i dent al l y ans wer i ng s omeone' s t hought s r at her t han t hei r
wor ds . "
" Why do y ou t hi nk y ou c an' t hear me?" I as k ed c ur i ous l y .
He l ook ed at me, hi s ey es eni gmat i c .
" I don' t k now, " he mur mur ed. " The onl y gues s I hav e i s t hat may be y our
mi nd does n' t wor k t he s ame way t he r es t of t hei r s do. Li k e y our t hought s
ar e on t he AM f r equenc y and I ' m onl y get t i ng FM. " He gr i nned at me,
s uddenl y amus ed.
" My mi nd does n' t wor k r i ght ? I ' m a f r eak ?" The wor ds bot her ed me mor e
t han t hey s houl d — pr obabl y bec aus e hi s s pec ul at i on hi t home. I ' d al way s
s us pec t ed as muc h, and i t embar r as s ed me t o hav e i t c onf i r med.
" I hear v oi c es i n my mi nd and y ou' r e wor r i ed t hat y ou' r e t he f r eak, " he
l aughed. " Don' t wor r y , i t ' s j us t a t heor y …" Hi s f ac e t i ght ened. " Whi c h
br i ngs us bac k t o y ou. "
I s i ghed. How t o begi n?
" Ar en' t we pas t al l t he ev as i ons now?" he r emi nded me s of t l y .
I l ook ed away f r om hi s f ac e f or t he f i r s t t i me, t r y i ng t o f i nd wor ds . I
happened t o not i c e t he s peedomet er .
" Hol y c r ow! " I s hout ed. " Sl ow down! "
" What ' s wr ong?" He was s t ar t l ed. But t he c ar di dn' t dec el er at e.
" You' r e goi ng a hundr ed mi l es an hour ! " I was s t i l l s hout i ng. I s hot a
pani c k y gl anc e out t he wi ndow, but i t was t oo dar k t o s ee muc h. The r oad
was onl y v i s i bl e i n t he l ong pat ch of bl ui s h br i ght nes s f r om t he
headl i ght s . The f or es t al ong bot h s i des of t he r oad was l i k e a bl ac k wal l
— as har d as a wal l of s t eel i f we v eer ed of f t he r oad at t hi s s peed.
" Rel ax , Bel l a. " He r ol l ed hi s ey es , s t i l l not s l owi ng.
" Ar e y ou t r y i ng t o k i l l us ?" I demanded.
" We' r e not goi ng t o c r as h. "
I t r i ed t o modul at e my v oi c e. " Why ar e y ou i n s uc h a hur r y ?"
" I al way s dr i v e l i k e t hi s . " He t ur ned t o s mi l e c r ook edl y at me.
" Keep y our ey es on t he r oad! "
" I ' v e nev er been i n an ac c i dent , Bel l a — I ' v e nev er ev en got t en a
t i c k et . " He gr i nned and t apped hi s f or ehead. " Bui l t - i n r adar det ect or . "
" Ver y f unny . " I f umed. " Char l i e' s a c op, r emember ? I was r ai s ed t o abi de
by t r af f i c l aws . Bes i des , i f y ou t ur n us i nt o a Vol v o pr et z el ar ound a
t r ee t r unk , y ou c an pr obabl y j us t wal k away . "
" Pr obabl y , " he agr eed wi t h a s hor t , har d l augh. " But y ou c an' t . " He
s i ghed, and I wat c hed wi t h r el i ef as t he needl e gr adual l y dr i f t ed t owar d
ei ght y . " Happy ?"
" Al mos t . "
" I hat e dr i v i ng s l ow, " he mut t er ed.
" Thi s i s s l ow?"
" Enough c omment ar y on my dr i v i ng, " he s napped. " I ' m s t i l l wai t i ng f or
y our l at es t t heor y . "
I bi t my l i p. He l ook ed down at me, hi s honey ey es unex pec t edl y gent l e.
" I won' t l augh, " he pr omi s ed.
" I ' m mor e af r ai d t hat y ou' l l be angr y wi t h me. "
" I s i t t hat bad?"
" Pr et t y muc h, y eah. "
He wai t ed. I was l ook i ng down at my hands , s o I c oul dn' t s ee hi s
ex pr es s i on.
" Go ahead. " Hi s v oi c e was c al m.
" I don' t k now how t o s t ar t , " I admi t t ed.
" Why don' t y ou s t ar t at t he begi nni ng… y ou s ai d y ou di dn' t c ome up wi t h
t hi s on y our own. "
" No. "
" What got y ou s t ar t ed — a book ? A mov i e?" he pr obed.
" No — i t was Sat ur day , at t he beac h. " I r i s k ed a gl anc e up at hi s f ac e.
He l ook ed puz z l ed.
" I r an i nt o an ol d f ami l y f r i end —J ac ob Bl ac k , " I c ont i nued. " Hi s dad and
Char l i e hav e been f r i ends s i nc e I was a baby . "
He s t i l l l ook ed c onf us ed.
" Hi s dad i s one of t he Qui l eut e el der s . " I wat c hed hi m c ar ef ul l y . Hi s
c onf us ed ex pr es s i on f r oz e i n pl ace. " We went f or a wal k —" I edi t ed al l
my s c hemi ng out of t he s t or y " — and he was t el l i ng me s ome ol d l egends —
t r y i ng t o s c ar e me, I t hi nk . He t ol d me one…" I hes i t at ed.
" Go on, " he s ai d.
" About v ampi r es . " I r eal i z ed I was whi s per i ng. I c oul dn' t l ook at hi s
f ac e now. But I s aw hi s k nuc k l es t i ght en c onv ul s i v el y on t he wheel .
" And y ou i mmedi at el y t hought of me?" St i l l c al m.
" No. He… ment i oned y our f ami l y . "
He was s i l ent , s t ar i ng at t he r oad.
I was wor r i ed s uddenl y , wor r i ed about pr ot ec t i ng J ac ob.
" He j us t t hought i t was a s i l l y super s t i t i on, " I s ai d qui c k l y . " He di dn' t
ex pec t me t o t hi nk any t hi ng of i t . " I t di dn' t s eem l i k e enough; I had t o
c onf es s . " I t was my f aul t , I f or ced hi m t o t el l me. "
" Why ?"
" Laur en s ai d s omet hi ng about y ou — s he was t r y i ng t o pr ov ok e me. And an
ol der boy f r om t he t r i be s ai d y our f ami l y di dn' t c ome t o t he r es er v at i on,
onl y i t s ounded l i k e he meant s omet hi ng di f f er ent . So I got J ac ob al one
and I t r i c k ed i t out of hi m, " I admi t t ed, hangi ng my head.
He s t ar t l ed me by l aughi ng. I gl ar ed up at hi m. He was l aughi ng, but hi s
ey es wer e f i er c e, s t ar i ng ahead.
" Tr i c k ed hi m how?" he as k ed.
" I t r i ed t o f l i r t — i t wor k ed bet t er t han I t hought i t woul d. " Di sbel i ef
c ol or ed my t one as I r emember ed.
" I ' d l i k e t o hav e s een t hat . " He c huc k l ed dar k l y . " And y ou ac c us ed me of
daz z l i ng peopl e — poor J ac ob Bl ack . "
I bl us hed and l ook ed out my wi ndow i nt o t he ni ght .
" What di d y ou do t hen?" he as k ed af t er a mi nut e.
" I di d s ome r es ear c h on t he I nt er net . "
" And di d t hat c onv i nc e y ou?" Hi s v oi c e s ounded bar el y i nt er es t ed. But hi s
hands wer e c l amped har d ont o t he s t eer i ng wheel .
" No. Not hi ng f i t . Mos t of i t was k i nd of s i l l y . And t hen…" I s t opped.
" What ?"
" I dec i ded i t di dn' t mat t er , " I whi s per ed.
" I t di dn' t mat t er ?" Hi s t one made me l ook up — I had f i nal l y br ok en
t hr ough hi s c ar ef ul l y c ompos ed mas k . Hi s f ac e was i nc r edul ous , wi t h j us t
a hi nt of t he anger I ' d f ear ed.
" No, " I s ai d s of t l y . " I t does n' t mat t er t o me what y ou ar e. "
A har d, moc k i ng edge ent er ed hi s v oi c e. " You don' t c ar e i f I ' m a mons t er ?
I f I ' m not human! "
" No. "
He was s i l ent , s t ar i ng s t r ai ght ahead agai n. Hi s f ac e was bl eak and c ol d.
" You' r e angr y , " I s i ghed. " I s houl dn' t hav e s ai d any t hi ng. "
" No, " he s ai d, but hi s t one was as har d as hi s f ac e. " I ' d r at her know
what y ou' r e t hi nk i ng — ev en i f what y ou' r e t hi nk i ng i s i ns ane. "
" So I ' m wr ong agai n?" I c hal l enged.
" That ' s not what I was r ef er r i ng t o. ' I t does n' t mat t er ' ! " he quot ed,
gr i t t i ng hi s t eet h t oget her .
" I ' m r i ght ?" I gas ped.
" Does i t mat t er ?"
I t ook a deep br eat h.
" Not r eal l y . " I paus ed. " But I am c ur i ous . " My v oi c e, at l eas t , was
c ompos ed.
He was s uddenl y r es i gned. " What ar e y ou c ur i ous about ?"
" How ol d ar e y ou?"
" Sev ent een, " he ans wer ed pr ompt l y.
" And how l ong hav e y ou been s ev ent een?"
Hi s l i ps t wi t c hed as he s t ar ed at t he r oad. " A whi l e, " he admi t t ed at
l as t .
" Ok ay . " I s mi l ed, pl eas ed t hat he was s t i l l bei ng hones t wi t h me. He
s t ar ed down at me wi t h wat c hf ul ey es , muc h as he had bef or e, when he was
wor r i ed I woul d go i nt o s hoc k . I s mi l ed wi der i n enc our agement , and he
f r owned.
" Don' t l augh — but how c an y ou c ome out dur i ng t he day t i me?"
He l aughed any way . " My t h. "
" Bur ned by t he s un?"
" My t h. "
" Sl eepi ng i n c of f i ns ?"
" My t h. " He hes i t at ed f or a moment , and a pec ul i ar t one ent er ed hi s v oi c e.
" I c an' t s l eep. "
I t t ook me a mi nut e t o abs or b t hat . " At al l ?"
" Nev er , " he s ai d, hi s v oi c e near l y i naudi bl e. He t ur ned t o l ook at me
wi t h a wi s t f ul ex pr es s i on. The gol den ey es hel d mi ne, and I l os t my t r ai n
of t hought . I s t ar ed at hi m unt i l he l ook ed away .
" You hav en' t as k ed me t he mos t i mpor t ant ques t i on y et . " Hi s v oi c e was
har d now, and when he l ook ed at me agai n hi s ey es wer e c ol d.
I bl i nk ed, s t i l l daz ed. " Whi c h one i s t hat ?"
" You ar en' t c onc er ned about my di et ?" he as k ed s ar c as t i c al l y .
" Oh, " I mur mur ed, " t hat . "
" Yes , t hat . " Hi s v oi c e was bl eak . " Don' t y ou want t o k now i f I dr i nk
bl ood?"
I f l i nc hed. " Wel l , J ac ob s ai d s omet hi ng about t hat . "
" What di d J ac ob s ay ?" he as k ed f l at l y .
" He s ai d y ou di dn' t … hunt peopl e. He s ai d y our f ami l y was n' t s uppos ed t o
be danger ous bec aus e y ou onl y hunt ed ani mal s . "
" He s ai d we wer en' t danger ous ?" Hi s v oi c e was deepl y s k ept i c al .
" Not ex ac t l y . He s ai d y ou wer en' t s uppos ed t o be danger ous . But t he
Qui l eut es s t i l l di dn' t want y ou on t hei r l and, j us t i n c as e. "
He l ook ed f or war d, but I c oul dn' t t el l i f he was wat c hi ng t he r oad or not .
" So was he r i ght ? About not hunt i ng peopl e?" I t r i ed t o k eep my v oi c e as
ev en as pos s i bl e.
" The Qui l eut es hav e a l ong memor y, " he whi s per ed.
I t ook i t as a c onf i r mat i on.
" Don' t l et t hat mak e y ou c ompl ac ent , t hough, " he war ned me. " They ' r e
r i ght t o k eep t hei r di s t anc e f r om us . We ar e s t i l l danger ous . "
" I don' t under s t and. "
" We t r y , " he ex pl ai ned s l owl y . " We' r e us ual l y v er y good at what we do.
Somet i mes we mak e mi s t ak es . Me, f or ex ampl e, al l owi ng my s el f t o be al one
wi t h y ou. "
" Thi s i s a mi s t ak e?" I hear d t he s adnes s i n my v oi c e, but I di dn' t k now
i f he c oul d as wel l .
" A v er y danger ous one, " he mur mur ed.
We wer e bot h s i l ent t hen. I wat c hed t he headl i ght s t wi s t wi t h t he c ur v es
of t he r oad. They mov ed t oo f as t ; i t di dn' t l ook r eal , i t l ook ed l i k e a
v i deo game. I was awar e of t he t i me s l i ppi ng away s o qui c k l y , l i k e t he
bl ac k r oad beneat h us , and I was hi deous l y af r ai d t hat I woul d never hav e
anot her c hanc e t o be wi t h hi m l i ke t hi s agai n — openl y , t he wal l s bet ween
us gone f or onc e. Hi s wor ds hi nt ed at an end, and I r ec oi l ed f r om t he
i dea. I c oul dn' t was t e one mi nut e I had wi t h hi m.
" Tel l me mor e, " I as k ed des per at el y , not c ar i ng what he s ai d, j us t s o I
c oul d hear hi s v oi c e agai n.
He l ook ed at me qui c k l y , s t ar t l ed by t he c hange i n my t one. " What mor e do
y ou want t o k now?"
" Tel l me why y ou hunt ani mal s i nst ead of peopl e, " I s ugges t ed, my v oi c e
s t i l l t i nged wi t h des per at i on. I r eal i z ed my ey es wer e wet , and I f ought
agai ns t t he gr i ef t hat was t r y i ng t o ov er power me.
" I don' t want t o be a mons t er . " Hi s v oi c e was v er y l ow.
" But ani mal s ar en' t enough?"
He paus ed. " I c an' t be s ur e, of cour s e, but I ' d c ompar e i t t o l i v i ng on
t of u and s oy mi l k ; we c al l our s el v es v eget ar i ans , our l i t t l e i ns i de j ok e.
It does n' t c ompl et el y s at i at e t he hunger — or r at her t hi r s t . But i t k eens
us s t r ong enough t o r es i s t . Mos t of t he t i me. " Hi s t one t ur ned omi nous .
" Somet i mes i t ' s mor e di f f i c ul t t han ot her s . "
" I s i t v er y di f f i c ul t f or y ou now?" I as k ed.
He s i ghed. " Yes . "
" But y ou' r e not hungr y now, " I s ai d c onf i dent l y — s t at i ng, not as ki ng.
" Why do y ou t hi nk t hat ?"
" Your ey es . I t ol d y ou I had a t heor y . I ' v e not i c ed t hat peopl e — men i n
par t i c ul ar — ar e c r abbi er when t hey ' r e hungr y . "
He c huc k l ed. " You ar e obs er v ant , ar en' t y ou?"
I di dn' t ans wer ; I j us t l i s t ened t o t he s ound of hi s l augh, c ommi t t i ng i t
t o memor y .
" Wer e y ou hunt i ng t hi s week end, wi t h Emmet t ?" I as k ed when i t was qui et
agai n.
" Yes . " He paus ed f or a s ec ond, as i f dec i di ng whet her or not t o s ay
s omet hi ng. " I di dn' t want t o l eave, but i t was nec es s ar y . I t ' s a bi t
eas i er t o be ar ound y ou when I ' m not t hi r s t y . "
" Why di dn' t y ou want t o l eav e?"
" I t mak es me… anx i ous … t o be away f r om y ou. " Hi s ey es wer e gent l e but
i nt ens e, and t hey s eemed t o be mak i ng my bones t ur n s of t . " I was n' t
j ok i ng when I as k ed y ou t o t r y not t o f al l i n t he oc ean or get r un ov er
l as t Thur s day . I was di s t r ac t ed al l week end, wor r y i ng about y ou. And
af t er what happened t oni ght , I ' m s ur pr i s ed t hat y ou di d mak e i t t hr ough a
whol e week end uns c at hed. " He s hook hi s head, and t hen s eemed t o r emember
s omet hi ng. " Wel l , not t ot al l y unsc at hed. "
" What ?"
" Your hands , " he r emi nded me. I l ook ed down at my pal ms , at t he
al mos t - heal ed s c r apes ac r os s t he heel s of my hands . Hi s ey es mi s s ed
not hi ng.
" I f el l , " I s i ghed.
" That ' s what I t hought . " Hi s l i ps c ur v ed up at t he c or ner s . " I s uppos e,
bei ng y ou, i t c oul d hav e been much wor s e — and t hat pos s i bi l i t y t or ment ed
me t he ent i r e t i me I was away . I t was a v er y l ong t hr ee day s . I r eal l y
got on Emmet t ' s ner v es . " He s mi l ed r uef ul l y at me.
" Thr ee day s ? Di dn' t y ou j us t get bac k t oday ?"
" No, we got bac k Sunday . "
" Then why wer en' t any of y ou i n sc hool ?" I was f r us t r at ed, al mos t angr y
as I t hought of how muc h di s appoi nt ment I had s uf f er ed bec aus e of hi s
abs enc e.
" Wel l , y ou as k ed i f t he s un hur t me, and i t does n' t . But I c an' t go out
i n t he s unl i ght — at l eas t , not wher e any one c an s ee. "
" Why ?"
" I ' l l s how y ou s omet i me, " he pr omi s ed.
I t hought about i t f or a moment .
" You mi ght hav e c al l ed me, " I deci ded.
He was puz z l ed. " But I k new y ou wer e s af e. "
" But I di dn' t k now wher e y ou wer e. I —" I hes i t at ed, dr oppi ng my ey es .
" What ?" Hi s v el v et y v oi c e was c ompel l i ng.
" I di dn' t l i k e i t . Not s eei ng y ou. I t mak es me anx i ous , t oo. " I bl us hed
t o be s ay i ng t hi s out l oud.
He was qui et . I gl anc ed up, appr ehens i v e, and s aw t hat hi s ex pr es si on was
pai ned.
" Ah, " he gr oaned qui et l y . " Thi s i s wr ong. "
I c oul dn' t under s t and hi s r es ponse. " What di d I s ay ?"
" Don' t y ou s ee, Bel l a? I t ' s one t hi ng f or me t o mak e my s el f mi s er abl e,
but a whol l y ot her t hi ng f or y ou t o be s o i nv ol v ed. " He t ur ned hi s
angui s hed ey es t o t he r oad, hi s wor ds f l owi ng al mos t t oo f as t f or me t o
under s t and. " I don' t want t o hear t hat y ou f eel t hat way . " Hi s v oi c e was
l ow but ur gent . Hi s wor ds c ut me. " I t ' s wr ong. I t ' s not s af e. I ' m
danger ous , Bel l a — pl eas e, gr as p t hat . "
" No. " I t r i ed v er y har d not t o l ook l i k e a s ul k y c hi l d.
" I ' m s er i ous , " he gr owl ed.
" So am I . I t ol d y ou, i t does n' t mat t er what y ou ar e. I t ' s t oo l at e. "
Hi s v oi c e whi pped out , l ow and har s h. " Nev er s ay t hat . "
I bi t my l i p and was gl ad he c oul dn' t k now how muc h t hat hur t . I st ar ed
out at t he r oad. We mus t be c l os e now. He was dr i v i ng muc h t oo f ast .
" What ar e y ou t hi nk i ng?" he as k ed, hi s v oi c e s t i l l r aw. I j us t s hook my
head, not s ur e i f I c oul d s peak . I c oul d f eel hi s gaz e on my f ac e, but I
k ept my ey es f or war d.
" Ar e y ou c r y i ng?" He s ounded appal l ed. I hadn' t r eal i z ed t he moi s t ur e i n
my ey es had br i mmed ov er . I qui c kl y r ubbed my hand ac r os s my c heek, and
s ur e enough, t r ai t or t ear s wer e t her e, bet r ay i ng me.
" No, " I s ai d, but my v oi c e c r ac k ed.
I s aw hi m r eac h t owar d me hes i t ant l y wi t h hi s r i ght hand, but t hen he
s t opped and pl ac ed i t s l owl y bac k on t he s t eer i ng wheel .
" I ' m s or r y . " Hi s v oi c e bur ned wi t h r egr et . I k new he was n' t j us t
apol ogi z i ng f or t he wor ds t hat had ups et me.
The dar k nes s s l i pped by us i n s i l enc e.
" Tel l me s omet hi ng, " he as k ed af t er anot her mi nut e, and I c oul d hear hi m
s t r uggl e t o us e a l i ght er t one.
" Yes ?"
" What wer e y ou t hi nk i ng t oni ght , j us t bef or e I c ame ar ound t he c or ner ? I
c oul dn' t under s t and y our ex pr es s i on — y ou di dn' t l ook t hat s c ar ed, y ou
l ook ed l i k e y ou wer e c onc ent r at i ng v er y har d on s omet hi ng. "
" I was t r y i ng t o r emember how t o i nc apac i t at e an at t ac k er — y ou k now,
s el f - def ens e. I was goi ng t o s mash hi s nos e i nt o hi s br ai n. " I t hought of
t he dar k - hai r ed man wi t h a s ur ge of hat e.
" You wer e goi ng t o f i ght t hem?" Thi s ups et hi m. " Di dn' t y ou t hi nk about
r unni ng?"
" I f al l down a l ot when I r un, " I admi t t ed.
" What about s c r eami ng f or hel p?"
" I was get t i ng t o t hat par t . "
He s hook hi s head. " You wer e r i ght — I ' m def i ni t el y f i ght i ng f at e t r y i ng
t o k eep y ou al i v e. "
I s i ghed. We wer e s l owi ng, pas s i ng i nt o t he boundar i es of For k s . I t had
t ak en l es s t han t went y mi nut es .
" Wi l l I s ee y ou t omor r ow?" I demanded.
" Yes — I hav e a paper due, t oo. " He s mi l ed. " I ' l l s av e y ou a s eat at
l unc h. "
I t was s i l l y , af t er ev er y t hi ng we' d been t hr ough t oni ght , how t hat l i t t l e
pr omi s e s ent f l ut t er s t hr ough my s t omac h, and made me unabl e t o s peak .
We wer e i n f r ont of Char l i e' s hous e. The l i ght s wer e on, my t r uc k i n i t s
pl ac e, ev er y t hi ng ut t er l y nor mal . I t was l i k e wak i ng f r om a dr eam. He
s t opped t he c ar , but I di dn' t move.
" Do y ou pr omi s e t o be t her e t omor r ow?"
" I pr omi s e. "
I c ons i der ed t hat f or a moment , t hen nodded. I pul l ed hi s j ac k et of f ,
t ak i ng one l as t whi f f .
" You c an k eep i t — y ou don' t hav e a j ac k et f or t omor r ow, " he r emi nded me.
I handed i t bac k t o hi m. " I don' t want t o hav e t o ex pl ai n t o Char l i e. "
" Oh, r i ght . " He gr i nned.
I hes i t at ed, my hand on t he door handl e, t r y i ng t o pr ol ong t he moment .
" Bel l a?" he as k ed i n a di f f er ent t one — s er i ous , but hes i t ant .
" Yes ?" I t ur ned bac k t o hi m t oo eager l y .
" Wi l l y ou pr omi s e me s omet hi ng?"
" Yes , " I s ai d, and i ns t ant l y r egr et t ed my unc ondi t i onal agr eement . What
i f he as k ed me t o s t ay away f r om hi m? I c oul dn' t k eep t hat pr omi s e.
" Don' t go i nt o t he woods al one. "
I s t ar ed at hi m i n bl ank c onf us i on. " Why ?"
He f r owned, and hi s ey es wer e t i ght as he s t ar ed pas t me out t he wi ndow.
" I ' m not al way s t he mos t danger ous t hi ng out t her e. Let ' s l eav e i t at
t hat . "
I s hudder ed s l i ght l y at t he s udden bl eak nes s i n hi s v oi c e, but I was
r el i ev ed. Thi s , at l eas t , was an eas y pr omi s e t o honor . " What ev er y ou
s ay . "
" I ' l l s ee y ou t omor r ow, " he s i ghed, and I k new he want ed me t o l eav e now.
" Tomor r ow, t hen. " I opened t he door unwi l l i ngl y .
" Bel l a?" I t ur ned and he was l eani ng t owar d me, hi s pal e, gl or i ous f ac e
j us t i nc hes f r om mi ne. My hear t st opped beat i ng.
" Sl eep wel l , " he s ai d. Hi s br eat h bl ew i n my f ac e, s t unni ng me. I t was
t he s ame ex qui s i t e s c ent t hat c l ung t o hi s j ac k et , but i n a mor e
c onc ent r at ed f or m. I bl i nk ed, t hor oughl y daz ed. He l eaned away .
I was unabl e t o mov e unt i l my br ai n had s omewhat uns c r ambl ed i t s el f . Then
I s t epped out of t he c ar awk war dl y , hav i ng t o us e t he f r ame f or s uppor t .
I t hought I hear d hi m c huc k l e, but t he s ound was t oo qui et f or me t o be
c er t ai n.
He wai t ed t i l l I had s t umbl ed t o t he f r ont door , and t hen I hear d hi s
engi ne qui et l y r ev . I t ur ned t o wat c h t he s i l v er c ar di s appear ar ound t he
c or ner . I r eal i z ed i t was v er y c ol d.
I r eac hed f or t he k ey mec hani c al l y , unl oc k ed t he door , and s t epped i ns i de.
Char l i e c al l ed f r om t he l i v i ng r oom. " Bel l a?"
" Yeah, Dad, i t ' s me. " I wal k ed i n t o s ee hi m. He was wat c hi ng a bas ebal l
game.
" You' r e home ear l y . "
" Am I ?" I was s ur pr i s ed.
" I t ' s not ev en ei ght y et , " he t ol d me. " Di d y ou gi r l s hav e f un?"
" Yeah — i t was l ot s of f un. " My head was s pi nni ng as I t r i ed t o r emember
al l t he way bac k t o t he gi r l s ' ni ght out I had pl anned. " They bot h f ound
dr es s es . "
" Ar e y ou al l r i ght ?"
" I ' m j us t t i r ed. I di d a l ot of wal k i ng. "
" Wel l , may be y ou s houl d go l i e down. " He s ounded c onc er ned. I wonder ed
what my f ac e l ook ed l i k e.
" I ' m j us t goi ng t o c al l J es s i c a f i r s t . "
" Wer en' t y ou j us t wi t h her ?" he as k ed, s ur pr i s ed.
" Yes — but I l ef t my j ac k et i n her c ar . I want t o mak e s ur e s he br i ngs i t
t omor r ow. "
" Wel l , gi v e her a c hanc e t o get home f i r s t . "
" Ri ght , " I agr eed.
I went t o t he k i t c hen and f el l , ex haus t ed, i nt o a c hai r . I was r eal l y
f eel i ng di z z y now. I wonder ed i f I was goi ng t o go i nt o s hoc k af t er al l .
Get a gr i p, I t ol d my s el f .
The phone r ang s uddenl y , s t ar t l i ng me. I y ank ed i t of f t he hook .
" Hel l o?" I as k ed br eat hl es s l y .
" Bel l a?"
" Hey , J es s , I was j us t goi ng t o cal l y ou. "
" You made i t home?" Her v oi c e was r el i ev ed… and s ur pr i s ed.
" Yes . I l ef t my j ac k et i n y our c ar — c oul d y ou br i ng i t t o me t omor r ow?"
" Sur e. But t el l me what happened! " s he demanded.
" Um, t omor r ow — i n Tr i g, ok ay ?"
She c aught on qui c k l y . " Oh, i s y our dad t her e?"
" Yes , t hat ' s r i ght . "
" Ok ay , I ' l l t al k t o y ou t omor r ow, t hen. By e! " I c oul d hear t he i mpat i enc e
i n her v oi c e.
" By e, J es s . "
I wal k ed up t he s t ai r s s l owl y , a heav y s t upor c l oudi ng my mi nd. I went
t hr ough t he mot i ons of get t i ng r eady f or bed wi t hout pay i ng any at t ent i on
t o what I was doi ng. I t was n' t unt i l I was i n t he s hower — t he wat er t oo
hot , bur ni ng my s k i n — t hat I r eal i z ed I was f r eez i ng. I s hudder ed
v i ol ent l y f or s ev er al mi nut es bef or e t he s t eami ng s pr ay c oul d f i nal l y
r el ax my r i gi d mus c l es . Then I s t ood i n t he s hower , t oo t i r ed t o mov e,
unt i l t he hot wat er began t o r un out .
I s t umbl ed out , wr appi ng my s el f sec ur el y i n a t owel , t r y i ng t o hol d t he
heat f r om t he wat er i n s o t he ac hi ng s hi v er s woul dn' t r et ur n. I dr es s ed
f or bed s wi f t l y and c l i mbed under my qui l t , c ur l i ng i nt o a bal l , huggi ng
my s el f t o k eep war m. A f ew s mal l s hudder s t r embl ed t hr ough me.
My mi nd s t i l l s wi r l ed di z z i l y , f ul l of i mages I c oul dn' t under s t and, and
s ome I f ought t o r epr es s . Not hi ng s eemed c l ear at f i r s t , but as I f el l
gr adual l y c l os er t o unc ons c i ous nes s , a f ew c er t ai nt i es bec ame ev i dent .
About t hr ee t hi ngs I was abs ol ut el y pos i t i v e. Fi r s t , Edwar d was a
v ampi r e. Sec ond, t her e was par t of hi m — and I di dn' t k now how pot ent
t hat par t mi ght be — t hat t hi r s t ed f or my bl ood. And t hi r d, I was
unc ondi t i onal l y and i r r ev oc abl y i n l ov e wi t h hi m.
===========================================================================

10. I NTERROGATI ONS

I t was v er y har d, i n t he mor ni ng, t o ar gue wi t h t he par t of me t hat was

s ur e l as t ni ght was a dr eam. Logi c was n' t on my s i de, or c ommon s ens e. I
c l ung t o t he par t s I c oul dn' t have i magi ned — l i k e hi s s mel l . I was s ur e
I c oul d nev er hav e dr eamed t hat up on my own.
I t was f oggy and dar k out s i de my wi ndow, abs ol ut el y per f ec t . He had no
r eas on not t o be i n s c hool t oday . I dr es s ed i n my heav y c l ot hes ,
r emember i ng I di dn' t hav e a j ac k et . Fur t her pr oof t hat my memor y was r eal .
When I got downs t ai r s , Char l i e was gone agai n — I was r unni ng l at er t han
I ' d r eal i z ed. I s wal l owed a gr anol a bar i n t hr ee bi t es , c has ed i t down
wi t h mi l k s t r ai ght f r om t he c ar t on, and t hen hur r i ed out t he door .
Hopef ul l y t he r ai n woul d hol d of f unt i l I c oul d f i nd J es s i c a.
I t was unus ual l y f oggy ; t he ai r was al mos t s mok y wi t h i t . The mi s t was
i c e c ol d wher e i t c l ung t o t he expos ed s k i n on my f ac e and nec k . I
c oul dn' t wai t t o get t he heat goi ng i n my t r uc k . I t was s uc h a t hi c k f og
t hat I was a f ew f eet down t he dr i v eway bef or e I r eal i z ed t her e was a c ar
in it: a s i l v er c ar . My hear t t hudded, s t ut t er ed, and t hen pi c k ed up
agai n i n doubl e t i me.
I di dn' t s ee wher e he c ame f r om, but s uddenl y he was t her e, pul l i ng t he
door open f or me.
" Do y ou want t o r i de wi t h me t oday ?" he as k ed, amus ed by my ex pr ess i on as
he c aught me by s ur pr i s e y et agai n. Ther e was unc er t ai nt y i n hi s voi c e.
He was r eal l y gi v i ng me a c hoi c e — I was f r ee t o r ef us e, and par t of hi m
hoped f or t hat . I t was a v ai n hope.
" Yes , t hank y ou, " I s ai d, t r y i ng t o k eep my v oi c e c al m. As I s t epped i nt o
t he war m c ar , I not i c ed hi s t an j ac k et was s l ung ov er t he headr es t of t he
pas s enger s eat . The door c l os ed behi nd me, and, s ooner t han s houl d be
pos s i bl e, he was s i t t i ng nex t t o me, s t ar t i ng t he c ar .
" I br ought t he j ac k et f or y ou. I di dn' t want y ou t o get s i c k or
s omet hi ng. " Hi s v oi c e was guar ded. I not i c ed t hat he wor e no j ac k et
hi ms el f , j us t a l i ght gr ay k ni t V- nec k s hi r t wi t h l ong s l eev es . Agai n,
t he f abr i c c l ung t o hi s per f ec t l y mus c l ed c hes t . I t was a c ol os s al
t r i but e t o hi s f ac e t hat i t k ept my ey es away f r om hi s body .
" I ' m not qui t e t hat del i c at e, " I s ai d, but I pul l ed t he j ac k et ont o my
l ap, pus hi ng my ar ms t hr ough t he t oo- l ong s l eev es , c ur i ous t o s ee i f t he
s c ent c oul d pos s i bl y be as good as I r emember ed. I t was bet t er .
" Ar en' t y ou?" he c ont r adi c t ed i n a v oi c e s o l ow I was n' t s ur e i f he meant
f or me t o hear .
We dr ov e t hr ough t he f og- s hr ouded s t r eet s , al way s t oo f as t , f eel i ng
awk war d. I was , at l eas t . Las t ni ght al l t he wal l s wer e down… al mos t al l .
I di dn' t k now i f we wer e s t i l l bei ng as c andi d t oday . I t l ef t me
t ongue- t i ed. I wai t ed f or hi m t o s peak .
He t ur ned t o s mi r k at me. " What , no t went y ques t i ons t oday ?"
" Do my ques t i ons bot her y ou?" I as k ed, r el i ev ed.
" Not as muc h as y our r eac t i ons do. " He l ook ed l i k e he was j ok i ng, but I
c oul dn' t be s ur e.
I f r owned. " Do I r eac t badl y ?"
" No, t hat ' s t he pr obl em. You t ak e ev er y t hi ng s o c ool l y — i t ' s unnat ur al .
I t mak es me wonder what y ou' r e r eal l y t hi nk i ng. "
" I al way s t el l y ou what I ' m r eal l y t hi nk i ng. "
" You edi t , " he ac c us ed.
" Not v er y muc h. "
" Enough t o dr i v e me i ns ane. "
" You don' t want t o hear i t , " I mumbl ed, al mos t whi s per ed. As s oon as t he
wor ds wer e out , I r egr et t ed t hem. The pai n i n my v oi c e was v er y f ai nt ; I
c oul d onl y hope he hadn' t not i c ed i t .
He di dn' t r es pond, and I wonder ed i f I had r ui ned t he mood. Hi s f ac e was
unr eadabl e as we dr ov e i nt o t he sc hool par k i ng l ot . Somet hi ng oc c ur r ed t o
me bel at edl y .
" Wher e' s t he r es t of y our f ami l y ?" I as k ed — mor e t han gl ad t o be al one
wi t h hi m, but r emember i ng t hat hi s c ar was us ual l y f ul l .
" They t ook Ros al i e' s c ar . " He s hr ugged as he par k ed nex t t o a gl oss y r ed
c onv er t i bl e wi t h t he t op up. " Os t ent at i ous , i s n' t i t ?"
" Um, wow, " I br eat hed. " I f s he has t hat , why does s he r i de wi t h y ou?"
" Li k e I s ai d, i t ' s os t ent at i ous . We t r y t o bl end i n. "
" You don' t s uc c eed. " I l aughed and s hook my head as we got out of t he
c ar . I was n' t l at e any mor e; hi s l unat i c dr i v i ng had got t en me t o sc hool
i n pl ent y of t i me. " So why di d Ros al i e dr i v e t oday i f i t ' s mor e
c ons pi c uous ?"
" Hadn' t y ou not i c ed? I ' m br eak i ng al l t he r ul es now. " He met me at t he
f r ont of t he c ar , s t ay i ng v er y c l os e t o my s i de as we wal k ed ont o c ampus .
I want ed t o c l os e t hat l i t t l e di st anc e, t o r eac h out and t ouc h hi m, but I
was af r ai d he woul dn' t l i k e me t o.
" Why do y ou hav e c ar s l i k e t hat at al l ?" I wonder ed al oud. " I f y ou' r e
l ook i ng f or pr i v ac y ?"
" An i ndul genc e, " he admi t t ed wi t h an i mpi s h s mi l e. " We al l l i k e t o dr i v e
f as t . "
" Fi gur es , " I mut t er ed under my br eat h.
Under t he s hel t er of t he c af et er i a r oof ' s ov er hang, J es s i c a was wai t i ng,
her ey es about t o bug out of t hei r s oc k et s . Ov er her ar m, bl es s her , was
my j ac k et .
" Hey , J es s i c a, " I s ai d when we wer e a f ew f eet away . " Thank s f or
r emember i ng. " She handed me my j ac k et wi t hout s peak i ng.
" Good mor ni ng, J es s i c a, " Edwar d sai d pol i t el y . I t was n' t r eal l y hi s f aul t
t hat hi s v oi c e was s o i r r es i s t i bl e. Or what hi s ey es wer e c apabl e of .
" Er … hi . " She s hi f t ed her wi de eyes t o me, t r y i ng t o gat her her j umbl ed
t hought s . " I gues s I ' l l s ee y ou i n Tr i g. " She gav e me a meani ngf ul l ook ,
and I s uppr es s ed a s i gh. What on ear t h was I goi ng t o t el l her ?
" Yeah, I ' l l s ee y ou t hen. "
She wal k ed away , paus i ng t wi c e t o peek bac k ov er her s houl der at us .
" What ar e y ou goi ng t o t el l her ?" Edwar d mur mur ed.
" Hey , I t hought y ou c oul dn' t r ead my mi nd! " I hi s s ed.
" I c an' t , " he s ai d, s t ar t l ed. Then under s t andi ng br i ght ened hi s eyes .
" Howev er , I c an r ead her s — s he' l l be wai t i ng t o ambus h y ou i n c l as s . "
I gr oaned as I pul l ed of f hi s j ack et and handed i t t o hi m, r epl ac i ng i t
wi t h my own. He f ol ded i t ov er hi s ar m.
" So what ar e y ou goi ng t o t el l her ?"
" A l i t t l e hel p?" I pl eaded. " What does s he want t o k now?"
He s hook hi s head, gr i nni ng wi c k edl y . " That ' s not f ai r . "
" No, y ou not s har i ng what y ou k now — now t hat ' s not f ai r . "
He del i ber at ed f or a moment as we wal k ed. We s t opped out s i de t he door t o
my f i r s t c l as s .
" She want s t o k now i f we' r e s ec r et l y dat i ng. And s he want s t o k now how
y ou f eel about me, " he f i nal l y s ai d.
" Yi k es . What s houl d I s ay ?" I t r i ed t o k eep my ex pr es s i on v er y i nnoc ent .
Peopl e wer e pas s i ng us on t hei r way t o c l as s , pr obabl y s t ar i ng, but I was
bar el y awar e of t hem.
" Hmmm. " He paus ed t o c at c h a s t r ay l oc k of hai r t hat was es c api ng t he
t wi s t on my nec k and wound i t back i nt o pl ac e. My hear t s pl ut t er ed
hy per ac t i v el y . " I s uppos e y ou c oul d s ay y es t o t he f i r s t … i f y ou don' t
mi nd — i t ' s eas i er t han any ot her ex pl anat i on. "
" I don' t mi nd, " I s ai d i n a f ai nt v oi c e.
" And as f or her ot her ques t i on… wel l , I ' l l be l i s t eni ng t o hear t he
ans wer t o t hat one my s el f . " One si de of hi s mout h pul l ed up i nt o my
f av or i t e unev en s mi l e. I c oul dn' t c at c h my br eat h s oon enough t o r es pond
t o t hat r emar k . He t ur ned and wal k ed away .
" I ' l l s ee y ou at l unc h, " he c al l ed ov er hi s s houl der . Thr ee peopl e
wal k i ng i n t he door s t opped t o s t ar e at me.
I hur r i ed i nt o c l as s , f l us hed and i r r i t at ed. He was s uc h a c heat er . Now I
was ev en mor e wor r i ed about what I was goi ng t o s ay t o J es s i c a. I s at i n
my us ual s eat , s l ammi ng my bag down i n aggr av at i on.
" Mor ni ng, Bel l a, " Mi k e s ai d f r om t he s eat nex t t o me. I l ook ed up t o s ee
an odd, al mos t r es i gned l ook on hi s f ac e. " How was Por t Angel es ?"
" I t was …" Ther e was no hones t way t o s um i t up. " Gr eat , " I f i ni s hed
l amel y . " J es s i c a got a r eal l y c ut e dr es s . "
" Di d s he s ay any t hi ng about Monday ni ght ?" he as k ed, hi s ey es
br i ght eni ng. I s mi l ed at t he t ur n t he c onv er s at i on had t ak en.
" She s ai d s he had a r eal l y good t i me, " I as s ur ed hi m.
" She di d?" he s ai d eager l y .
" Mos t def i ni t el y . "
Mr . Mas on c al l ed t he c l as s t o or der t hen, as k i ng us t o t ur n i n our
paper s . Engl i s h and t hen Gov er nment pas s ed i n a bl ur , whi l e I wor r i ed
about how t o ex pl ai n t hi ngs t o J es s i c a and agoni z ed ov er whet her Edwar d
woul d r eal l y be l i s t eni ng t o what I s ai d t hr ough t he medi um of J ess ' s
t hought s . How v er y i nc onv eni ent hi s l i t t l e t al ent c oul d be — when i t
was n' t s av i ng my l i f e.
The f og had al mos t di s s ol v ed by t he end of t he s ec ond hour , but t he day
was s t i l l dar k wi t h l ow, oppr es s i ng c l ouds . I s mi l ed up at t he s k y.
Edwar d was r i ght , of c our s e. When I wal k ed i nt o Tr i g J es s i c a was si t t i ng
i n t he bac k r ow, near l y bounc i ng of f her s eat i n agi t at i on. I r el uc t ant l y
went t o s i t by her , t r y i ng t o c onv i nc e my s el f i t woul d be bet t er t o get
i t ov er wi t h as s oon as pos s i bl e.
" Tel l me ev er y t hi ng! " s he c ommanded bef or e I was i n t he s eat .
" What do y ou want t o k now?" I hedged.
" What happened l as t ni ght ?"
" He bought me di nner , and t hen he dr ov e me home. "
She gl ar ed at me, her ex pr es s i on s t i f f wi t h s k ept i c i s m. " How di d you get
home s o f as t ?"
" He dr i v es l i k e a mani ac . I t was t er r i f y i ng. " I hoped he hear d t hat .
" Was i t l i k e a dat e — di d y ou t el l hi m t o meet y ou t her e?"
I hadn' t t hought of t hat . " No — I was v er y s ur pr i s ed t o s ee hi m t her e. "
Her l i ps puc k er ed i n di s appoi nt ment at t he t r ans par ent hones t y i n my
v oi c e.
" But he pi c k ed y ou up f or s c hool t oday ?" s he pr obed.
" Yes — t hat was a s ur pr i s e, t oo. He not i c ed I di dn' t hav e a j ac k et l as t
ni ght , " I ex pl ai ned.
" So ar e y ou goi ng out agai n?"
" He of f er ed t o dr i v e me t o Seat t l e Sat ur day bec aus e he t hi nk s t oy t r uc k
i s n' t up t o i t — does t hat c ount ?"
" Yes . " She nodded.
" Wel l , t hen, y es . "
" W- o- w. " She ex agger at ed t he wor d i nt o t hr ee s y l l abl es . " Edwar d Cul l en. "
" I k now, " I agr eed. " Wow" di dn' t ev en c ov er i t .
" Wai t ! " Her hands f l ew up, pal ms t owar d me l i k e s he was s t oppi ng t r af f i c .
" Has he k i s s ed y ou?"
" No, " I mumbl ed. " I t ' s not l i k e t hat . "
She l ook ed di s appoi nt ed. I ' m s ur e I di d, t oo.
" Do y ou t hi nk Sat ur day … ?" She r ai s ed her ey ebr ows .
" I r eal l y doubt i t . " The di s c ont ent i n my v oi c e was poor l y di s gui sed.
" What di d y ou t al k about ?" She pus hed f or mor e i nf or mat i on i n a whi s per .
Cl as s had s t ar t ed but Mr . Var ner was n' t pay i ng c l os e at t ent i on and we
wer en' t t he onl y ones s t i l l t al k i ng.
" I don' t k now, J es s , l ot s of s t uf f , " I whi s per ed bac k . " We t al k ed about
t he Engl i s h es s ay a l i t t l e. " A v er y , v er y l i t t l e. I t hi nk he ment i oned i t
i n pas s i ng.
" Pl eas e, Bel l a, " s he begged. " Gi ve me s ome det ai l s . "
" Wel l … ok ay , I ' v e got one. You s houl d hav e s een t he wai t r es s f l i r t i ng
wi t h hi m — i t was ov er t he t op. But he di dn' t pay any at t ent i on t o her at
al l . " Let hi m mak e what he c oul d of t hat .
" That ' s a good s i gn, " s he nodded. " Was s he pr et t y ?"
" Ver y — and pr obabl y ni net een or t went y . "
" Ev en bet t er . He mus t l i k e y ou. "
" I t hi nk s o, but i t ' s har d t o t el l . He' s al way s s o c r y pt i c , " I t hr ew i n
f or hi s benef i t , s i ghi ng.
" I don' t k now how y ou' r e br av e enough t o be al one wi t h hi m, " s he br eat hed.
" Why ?" I was s hoc k ed, but s he di dn' t under s t and my r eac t i on.
" He' s s o… i nt i mi dat i ng. I woul dn' t k now what t o s ay t o hi m. " She made a
f ac e, pr obabl y r emember i ng t hi s mor ni ng or l as t ni ght , when he' d t ur ned
t he ov er whel mi ng f or c e of hi s ey es on her .
" I do hav e s ome t r oubl e wi t h i nc oher enc y when I ' m ar ound hi m, " I admi t t ed.
" Oh wel l . He i s unbel i ev abl y gor geous . " J es s i c a s hr ugged as i f t hi s
ex c us ed any f l aws . Whi c h, i n her book , i t pr obabl y di d.
" Ther e' s a l ot mor e t o hi m t han t hat . "
" Real l y ? Li k e what ?"
I wi s hed I had l et i t go. Al mos t as muc h as I was hopi ng he' d been
k i ddi ng about l i s t eni ng i n.
" I c an' t ex pl ai n i t r i ght … but he' s ev en mor e unbel i ev abl e behi nd t he
f ac e. " The v ampi r e who want ed t o be good — who r an ar ound s av i ng peopl e' s
l i v es s o he woul dn' t be a mons t er … I s t ar ed t owar d t he f r ont of t he r oom.
" I s t hat pos s i bl e?" She gi ggl ed.
I i gnor ed her , t r y i ng t o l ook l i ke I was pay i ng at t ent i on t o Mr . Var ner .
" So y ou l i k e hi m, t hen?" She was n' t about t o gi v e up.
" Yes , " I s ai d c ur t l y .
" I mean, do y ou r eal l y l i k e hi m?" s he ur ged.
" Yes , " I s ai d agai n, bl us hi ng. I hoped t hat det ai l woul dn' t r egi s t er i n
her t hought s .
She' d had enough wi t h t he s i ngl e s y l l abl e ans wer s . " How muc h do y ou l i k e
hi m?"
" Too muc h, " I whi s per ed bac k . " Mor e t han he l i k es me. But I don' t s ee how
I c an hel p t hat . " I s i ghed, one bl us h bl endi ng i nt o t he nex t .
Then, t hank f ul l y , Mr . Var ner c al l ed on J es s i c a f or an ans wer .
She di dn' t get a c hanc e t o s t ar t on t he s ubj ec t agai n dur i ng c l as s, and
as s oon as t he bel l r ang, I t ook ev as i v e ac t i on.
" I n Engl i s h, Mi k e as k ed me i f y ou s ai d any t hi ng about Monday ni ght , " I
t ol d her .
" You' r e k i ddi ng! What di d y ou s ay?! " s he gas ped, c ompl et el y s i det r ac k ed.
" I t ol d hi m y ou s ai d y ou had a l ot of f un — he l ook ed pl eas ed. "
" Tel l me ex ac t l y what he s ai d, and y our ex ac t ans wer ! "
We s pent t he r es t of t he wal k di ss ec t i ng s ent enc e s t r uc t ur es and mos t of
Spani s h on a mi nut e des c r i pt i on of Mi k e' s f ac i al ex pr es s i ons . I woul dn' t
hav e hel ped dr aw i t out f or as l ong as I di d i f I was n' t wor r i ed about
t he s ubj ec t r et ur ni ng t o me.
And t hen t he bel l r ang f or l unc h. As I j umped up out of my s eat , shov i ng
my book s r oughl y i n my bag, my upl i f t ed ex pr es s i on mus t hav e t i pped
J es s i c a of f .
" You' r e not s i t t i ng wi t h us t oday, ar e y ou?" s he gues s ed.
" I don' t t hi nk s o. " I c oul dn' t be s ur e t hat he woul dn' t di s appear
i nc onv eni ent l y agai n.
But out s i de t he door t o our Spani s h c l as s , l eani ng agai ns t t he wal l —
l ook i ng mor e l i k e a Gr eek god t han any one had a r i ght t o — Edwar d was
wai t i ng f or me. J es s i c a t ook one l ook , r ol l ed her ey es , and depar t ed.
" See y ou l at er , Bel l a. " Her v oi c e was t hi c k wi t h i mpl i c at i ons . I mi ght
hav e t o t ur n of f t he r i nger on t he phone.
" Hel l o. " Hi s v oi c e was amus ed and i r r i t at ed at t he s ame t i me. He had been
l i s t eni ng, i t was obv i ous .
" Hi . "
I c oul dn' t t hi nk of any t hi ng el s e t o s ay , and he di dn' t s peak — bi di ng
hi s t i me, I pr es umed — s o i t was a qui et wal k t o t he c af et er i a. Wal k i ng
wi t h Edwar d t hr ough t he c r owded l unc ht i me r us h was a l ot l i k e my f i r s t
day her e; ev er y one s t ar ed.
He l ed t he way i nt o t he l i ne, s t i l l not s peak i ng, t hough hi s ey es
r et ur ned t o my f ac e ev er y f ew s econds , t hei r ex pr es s i on s pec ul at i ve. I t
s eemed t o me t hat i r r i t at i on was wi nni ng out ov er amus ement as t he
domi nant emot i on i n hi s f ac e. I f i dget ed ner v ous l y wi t h t he z i pper on my
j ac k et .
He s t epped up t o t he c ount er and f i l l ed a t r ay wi t h f ood.
" What ar e y ou doi ng?" I obj ec t ed. " You' r e not get t i ng al l t hat f or me?"
He s hook hi s head, s t eppi ng f or war d t o buy t he f ood.
" Hal f i s f or me, of c our s e. "
I r ai s ed one ey ebr ow.
He l ed t he way t o t he s ame pl ac e we' d s at t hat one t i me bef or e. Fr om t he
ot her end of t he l ong t abl e, a gr oup of s eni or s gaz ed at us i n amaz ement
as we s at ac r os s f r om eac h ot her . Edwar d s eemed obl i v i ous .
" Tak e what ev er y ou want , " he s ai d, pus hi ng t he t r ay t owar d me.
" I ' m c ur i ous , " I s ai d as I pi c k ed up an appl e, t ur ni ng i t ar ound i n my
hands , " what woul d y ou do i f s omeone dar ed y ou t o eat f ood?"
" You' r e al way s c ur i ous . " He gr i mac ed, s hak i ng hi s head. He gl ar ed at me,
hol di ng my ey es as he l i f t ed t he s l i c e of pi z z a of f t he t r ay , and
del i ber at el y bi t of f a mout hf ul , c hewed qui c k l y , and t hen s wal l owed. I
wat c hed, ey es wi de.
" I f s omeone dar ed y ou t o eat di r t , y ou c oul d, c oul dn' t y ou?" he ask ed
c ondes c endi ngl y .
I wr i nk l ed my nos e. " I di d onc e… on a dar e, " I admi t t ed. " I t was n' t s o
bad. "
He l aughed. " I s uppos e I ' m not s ur pr i s ed. " Somet hi ng ov er my s houl der
s eemed t o c at c h hi s at t ent i on.
" J es s i c a' s anal y z i ng ev er y t hi ng I do — s he' l l br eak i t down f or y ou
l at er . " He pus hed t he r es t of t he pi z z a t owar d me. The ment i on of J es s i c a
br ought a hi nt of hi s f or mer i r r i t at i on bac k t o hi s f eat ur es .
I put down t he appl e and t ook a bi t e of t he pi z z a, l ook i ng away , knowi ng
he was about t o s t ar t .
" So t he wai t r es s was pr et t y , was s he?" he as k ed c as ual l y .
" You r eal l y di dn' t not i c e?"
" No. I was n' t pay i ng at t ent i on. I had a l ot on my mi nd. "
" Poor gi r l . " I c oul d af f or d t o be gener ous now.
" Somet hi ng y ou s ai d t o J es s i c a… wel l , i t bot her s me. " He r ef us ed t o be
di s t r ac t ed. Hi s v oi c e was hus k y , and he gl anc ed up f r om under hi s l as hes
wi t h t r oubl ed ey es .
" I ' m not s ur pr i s ed y ou hear d s omet hi ng y ou di dn' t l i k e. You k now what
t hey s ay about eav es dr opner s , " I r emi nded hi m.
" I war ned y ou I woul d be l i s t eni ng. "
" And I war ned y ou t hat y ou di dn' t want t o k now ev er y t hi ng I was t hi nk i ng. "
" You di d, " he agr eed, but hi s v oi c e was s t i l l r ough. " You ar en' t
pr ec i s el y r i ght , t hough. I do want t o k now what y ou' r e t hi nk i ng —
ev er y t hi ng. I j us t wi s h… t hat y ou woul dn' t be t hi nk i ng s ome t hi ngs. "
I s c owl ed. " That ' s qui t e a di s t i nc t i on. "
" But t hat ' s not r eal l y t he poi nt at t he moment . "
" Then what i s ?" We wer e i nc l i ned t owar d eac h ot her ac r os s t he t abl e now.
He had hi s l ar ge whi t e hands f ol ded under hi s c hi n; I l eaned f or war d, my
r i ght hand c upped ar ound my nec k . I had t o r emi nd my s el f t hat we wer e i n
a c r owded l unc hr oom, wi t h pr obabl y many c ur i ous ey es on us . I t was t oo
eas y t o get wr apped up i n our own pr i v at e, t ens e l i t t l e bubbl e.
" Do y ou t r ul y bel i ev e t hat y ou c ar e mor e f or me t han I do f or y ou?" he
mur mur ed, l eani ng c l os er t o me as he s pok e, hi s dar k gol den ey es pi er c i ng.
I t r i ed t o r emember how t o ex hal e. I had t o l ook away bef or e i t c ame bac k
t o me.
" You' r e doi ng i t agai n, " I mut t er ed.
Hi s ey es opened wi de wi t h s ur pr i se. " What ?"
" Daz z l i ng me, " I admi t t ed, t r y i ng t o c onc ent r at e as I l ook ed bac k at hi m.
" Oh. " He f r owned.
" I t ' s not y our f aul t , " I s i ghed. " You c an' t hel p i t . "
" Ar e y ou goi ng t o ans wer t he quest i on?"
I l ook ed down. " Yes . "
" Yes , y ou ar e goi ng t o ans wer , or y es , y ou r eal l y t hi nk t hat ?" He was
i r r i t at ed agai n.
" Yes , I r eal l y t hi nk t hat . " I k ept my ey es down on t he t abl e, my ey es
t r ac i ng t he pat t er n of t he f aux wood gr ai ns pr i nt ed on t he l ami nat e. The
s i l enc e dr agged on. I s t ubbor nl y r ef us ed t o be t he f i r s t t o br eak i t t hi s
t i me, f i ght i ng har d agai ns t t he t empt at i on t o peek at hi s ex pr es s i on.
Fi nal l y he s pok e, v oi c e v el v et s of t . " You' r e wr ong. "
I gl anc ed up t o s ee t hat hi s ey es wer e gent l e.
" You c an' t k now t hat , " I di s agr eed i n a whi s per . I s hook my head i n
doubt , t hough my hear t t hr obbed at hi s wor ds and I want ed s o badl y t o
bel i ev e t hem.
" What mak es y ou t hi nk s o?" Hi s l i qui d t opaz ey es wer e penet r at i ng —
t r y i ng f ut i l el y , I as s umed, t o l i f t t he t r ut h s t r ai ght f r om my mi nd.
I s t ar ed bac k , s t r uggl i ng t o t hi nk c l ear l y i n s pi t e of hi s f ac e, t o f i nd
s ome way t o ex pl ai n. As I s ear c hed f or t he wor ds , I c oul d s ee hi m get t i ng
i mpat i ent ; f r us t r at ed by my s i l enc e, he s t ar t ed t o s c owl . I l i f t ed my
hand f r om my nec k , and hel d up one f i nger .
" Let me t hi nk , " I i ns i s t ed. Hi s ex pr es s i on c l ear ed, now t hat he was
s at i s f i ed t hat I was pl anni ng t o ans wer . I dr opped my hand t o t he t abl e,
mov i ng my l ef t hand s o t hat my pal ms wer e pr es s ed t oget her . I s t ar ed at
my hands , t wi s t i ng and unt wi s t i ng my f i nger s , as I f i nal l y s pok e.
" Wel l , as i de f r om t he obv i ous , s omet i mes …" I hes i t at ed. " I c an' t be s ur e
— I don' t k now how t o r ead mi nds — but s omet i mes i t s eems l i k e y ou' r e
t r y i ng t o s ay goodby e when y ou' r e s ay i ng s omet hi ng el s e. " That was t he
bes t I c oul d s um up t he s ens at i on of angui s h t hat hi s wor ds t r i gger ed i n
me at t i mes .
" Per c ept i v e, " he whi s per ed. And t her e was t he angui s h agai n, s ur f ac i ng as
he c onf i r med my f ear . " That ' s ex ac t l y why y ou' r e wr ong, t hough, " he began
t o ex pl ai n, but t hen hi s ey es nar r owed. " What do y ou mean, ' t he obv i ous ' ?"
" Wel l , l ook at me, " I s ai d, unneces s ar i l y as he was al r eady s t ar i ng. " I ' m
abs ol ut el y or di nar y — wel l , ex c ept f or bad t hi ngs l i k e al l t he near - deat h
ex per i enc es and bei ng s o c l ums y t hat I ' m al mos t di s abl ed. And l ook at
y ou. " I wav ed my hand t owar d hi m and al l hi s bewi l der i ng per f ec t i on.
Hi s br ow c r eas ed angr i l y f or a moment , t hen s moot hed as hi s ey es t ook on
a k nowi ng l ook . " You don' t s ee y our s el f v er y c l ear l y , y ou k now. I 'll
admi t y ou' r e dead- on about t he bad t hi ngs , " he c huc k l ed bl ac k l y , " but y ou
di dn' t hear what ev er y human mal e i n t hi s s c hool was t hi nk i ng on your
f i r s t day . "
I bl i nk ed, as t oni s hed. " I don' t bel i ev e i t …" I mumbl ed t o my s el f .
" Tr us t me j us t t hi s onc e — y ou ar e t he oppos i t e of or di nar y . "
My embar r as s ment was muc h s t r onger t han my pl eas ur e at t he l ook t hat c ame
i nt o hi s ey es when he s ai d t hi s . I qui c k l y r emi nded hi m of my or i gi nal
ar gument .
" But I ' m not s ay i ng goodby e, " I poi nt ed out .
" Don' t y ou s ee? That ' s what pr ov es me r i ght . I c ar e t he mos t , bec aus e i f
I c an do i t " — he s hook hi s head, s eemi ng t o s t r uggl e wi t h t he t hought —
" i f l eav i ng i s t he r i ght t hi ng t o do, t hen I ' l l hur t my s el f t o k eep f r om
hur t i ng y ou, t o k eep y ou s af e. "
I gl ar ed. " And y ou don' t t hi nk I woul d do t he s ame?"
" You' d nev er hav e t o mak e t he c hoi c e. "
Abr upt l y , hi s unpr edi c t abl e mood s hi f t ed agai n; a mi s c hi ev ous ,
dev as t at i ng s mi l e r ear r anged hi s f eat ur es . " Of c our s e, k eepi ng y ou s af e
i s begi nni ng t o f eel l i k e a f ul l - t i me oc c upat i on t hat r equi r es my
c ons t ant pr es enc e. "
" No one has t r i ed t o do away wi t h me t oday , " I r emi nded hi m, gr at ef ul f or
t he l i ght er s ubj ec t . I di dn' t want hi m t o t al k about goodby es any mor e. I f
I had t o, I s uppos ed I c oul d pur pos ef ul l y put my s el f i n danger t o k eep
hi m c l os e… I bani s hed t hat t hought bef or e hi s qui c k ey es r ead i t on my
f ac e. That i dea woul d def i ni t el y get me i n t r oubl e.
" Yet , " he added.
" Yet , " I agr eed; I woul d hav e ar gued, but now I want ed hi m t o be
ex pec t i ng di s as t er s .
" I hav e anot her ques t i on f or y ou. " Hi s f ac e was s t i l l c as ual .
" Shoot . "
" Do y ou r eal l y need t o go t o Seat t l e t hi s Sat ur day , or was t hat j us t an
ex c us e t o get out of s ay i ng no t o al l y our admi r er s ?"
I made a f ac e at t he memor y . " You k now, I hav en' t f or gi v en y ou f or t he
Ty l er t hi ng y et , " I war ned hi m. " I t ' s y our f aul t t hat he' s del uded
hi ms el f i nt o t hi nk i ng I ' m goi ng t o pr om wi t h hi m. "
" Oh, he woul d hav e f ound a c hanc e t o as k y ou wi t hout me — I j us t r eal l y
want ed t o wat c h y our f ac e, " he c huc k l ed, I woul d hav e been angr i er i f hi s
l aught er was n' t s o f as c i nat i ng. " I f I ' d as k ed y ou, woul d y ou hav e t ur ned
me down?" he as k ed, s t i l l l aughi ng t o hi ms el f .
" Pr obabl y not , " I admi t t ed. " But I woul d hav e c anc el ed l at er — f aked an
i l l nes s or a s pr ai ned ank l e. "
He was puz z l ed. " Why woul d y ou do t hat ?"
I s hook my head s adl y . " You' v e nev er s een me i n Gy m, I gues s , but I woul d
hav e t hought y ou woul d under s t and. "
" Ar e y ou r ef er r i ng t o t he f ac t t hat y ou c an' t wal k ac r os s a f l at , s t abl e
s ur f ac e wi t hout f i ndi ng s omet hi ng t o t r i p ov er ?"
" Obv i ous l y . "
" That woul dn' t be a pr obl em. " He was v er y c onf i dent . " I t ' s al l i n t he
l eadi ng. " He c oul d s ee t hat I was about t o pr ot es t , and he c ut me of f .
" But y ou nev er t ol d me — ar e y ou r es ol v ed on goi ng t o Seat t l e, or do y ou
mi nd i f we do s omet hi ng di f f er ent ?"
As l ong as t he " we" par t was i n, I di dn' t c ar e about any t hi ng el s e.
" I ' m open t o al t er nat i v es , " I al l owed. " But I do hav e a f av or t o as k . "
He l ook ed war y , as he al way s di d when I as k ed an open- ended ques t i on.
" What ?"
" Can I dr i v e?"
He f r owned. " Why ?"
" Wel l , mos t l y bec aus e when I t ol d Char l i e I was goi ng t o Seat t l e, he
s pec i f i c al l y as k ed i f I was goi ng al one and, at t he t i me, I was . I f he
as k ed agai n, I pr obabl y woul dn' t l i e, but I don' t t hi nk he wi l l ask
agai n, and l eav i ng my t r uc k at home woul d j us t br i ng up t he s ubj ect
unnec es s ar i l y . And al s o, bec aus e y our dr i v i ng f r i ght ens me. "
He r ol l ed hi s ey es . " Of al l t he t hi ngs about me t hat c oul d f r i ght en y ou,
y ou wor r y about my dr i v i ng. " He shook hi s head i n di s gus t , but t hen hi s
ey es wer e s er i ous agai n. " Won' t you want t o t el l y our f at her t hat y ou' r e
s pendi ng t he day wi t h me?" Ther e was an under c ur r ent t o hi s ques t i on t hat
I di dn' t under s t and.
" Wi t h Char l i e, l es s i s al way s mor e. " I was def i ni t e about t hat . " Wher e
ar e we goi ng, any way ?"
" The weat her wi l l be ni c e, s o I ' l l be s t ay i ng out of t he publ i c eye… and
y ou c an s t ay wi t h me, i f y ou' d l i k e t o. " Agai n, he was l eav i ng t he c hoi c e
up t o me.
" And y ou' l l s how me what y ou meant , about t he s un?" I as k ed, ex c i t ed by
t he i dea of unr av el i ng anot her of t he unk nowns .
" Yes . " He s mi l ed, and t hen paus ed. " But i f y ou don' t want t o be… al one
wi t h me, I ' d s t i l l r at her y ou di dn' t go t o Seat t l e by y our s el f . I s hudder
t o t hi nk of t he t r oubl e y ou c oul d f i nd i n a c i t y t hat s i z e. "
I was mi f f ed. " Phoeni x i s t hr ee t i mes bi gger t han Seat t l e — j us t i n
popul at i on. I n phy s i c al s i z e —"
" But appar ent l y , " he i nt er r upt ed me, " y our number was n' t up i n Phoeni x .
So I ' d r at her y ou s t ay ed near me. " Hi s ey es di d t hat unf ai r s mol der i ng
t hi ng agai n.
I c oul dn' t ar gue, wi t h t he ey es or t he mot i v at i on, and i t was a moot
poi nt any way . " As i t happens , I don' t mi nd bei ng al one wi t h y ou. "
" I k now, " he s i ghed, br oodi ng. " You s houl d t el l Char l i e, t hough. "
" Why i n t he wor l d woul d I do t hat ?"
Hi s ey es wer e s uddenl y f i er c e. " To gi v e me s ome s mal l i nc ent i v e t o br i ng
y ou bac k . "
I gul ped. But , af t er a moment of t hought , I was s ur e. " I t hi nk I ' l l t ak e
my c hanc es . "
He ex hal ed angr i l y , and l ook ed away .
" Let ' s t al k about s omet hi ng el s e, " I s ugges t ed.
" What do y ou want t o t al k about ?" he as k ed. He was s t i l l annoy ed.
I gl anc ed ar ound us , mak i ng s ur e we wer e wel l out of any one' s hear i ng. As
I c as t my ey es ar ound t he r oom, I c aught t he ey es of hi s s i s t er , Al i c e,
s t ar i ng at me. The ot her s wer e l ook i ng at Edwar d. I l ook ed away s wi f t l y ,
bac k t o hi m, and I . as k ed t he f i r s t t hi ng t hat c ame t o mi nd.
" Why di d y ou go t o t hat Goat Roc ks pl ac e l as t week end… t o hunt ? Char l i e
s ai d i t was n' t a good pl ac e t o hi k e, bec aus e of bear s . "
He s t ar ed at me as i f I was mi s s i ng s omet hi ng v er y obv i ous .
" Bear s ?" I gas ped, and he s mi r k ed. " You k now, bear s ar e not i n s eas on, " I
added s t er nl y , t o hi de my s hoc k .
" I f y ou r ead c ar ef ul l y , t he l aws onl y c ov er hunt i ng wi t h weapons , " he
i nf or med me.
He wat c hed my f ac e wi t h enj oy ment as t hat s l owl y s ank i n.
" Bear s ?" I r epeat ed wi t h di f f i c ul t y .
" Gr i z z l y i s Emmet t ' s f av or i t e. " Hi s v oi c e was s t i l l of f hand, but hi s ey es
wer e s c r ut i ni z i ng my r eac t i on. I t r i ed t o pul l my s el f t oget her .
" Hmmm, " I s ai d, t ak i ng anot her bi t e of pi z z a as an ex c us e t o l ook down. I
c hewed s l owl y , and t hen t ook a l ong dr i nk of Cok e wi t hout l ook i ng up.
" So, " I s ai d af t er a moment , f i nal l y meet i ng hi s now- anx i ous gaz e.
" What ' s y our f av or i t e?"
He r ai s ed an ey ebr ow and t he c or ner s of hi s mout h t ur ned down i n
di s appr ov al . " Mount ai n l i on. "
" Ah, " I s ai d i n a pol i t el y di s i nt er es t ed t one, l ook i ng f or my s oda agai n.
" Of c our s e, " he s ai d, and hi s t one mi r r or ed mi ne, " we hav e t o be car ef ul
not t o i mpac t t he env i r onment wi t h i nj udi c i ous hunt i ng. We t r y t o f oc us
on ar eas wi t h an ov er popul at i on of pr edat or s — r angi ng as f ar away as we
need. Ther e' s al way s pl ent y of deer and el k her e, and t hey ' l l do, but
wher e' s t he f un i n t hat ?" He s mi l ed t eas i ngl y .
" Wher e i ndeed, " I mur mur ed ar ound anot her bi t e of pi z z a.
" Ear l y s pr i ng i s Emmet t ' s f av or i t e bear s eas on — t hey ' r e j us t c omi ng out
of hi ber nat i on, s o t hey ' r e mor e i r r i t abl e. " He s mi l ed at s ome r emember ed
j ok e.
" Not hi ng mor e f un t han an i r r i t at ed gr i z z l y bear , " I agr eed, noddi ng.
He s ni c k er ed, s hak i ng hi s head. " Tel l me what y ou' r e r eal l y t hi nk i ng,
pl eas e. "
" I ' m t r y i ng t o pi c t ur e i t — but I c an' t , " I admi t t ed. " How do y ou hunt a
bear wi t hout weapons ?"
" Oh, we hav e weapons . " He f l as hed hi s br i ght t eet h i n a br i ef ,
t hr eat eni ng s mi l e. I f ought bac k a s hi v er bef or e i t c oul d ex pos e me.
" J us t not t he k i nd t hey c ons i der when wr i t i ng hunt i ng l aws . I f y ou' v e
ev er s een a bear at t ac k on t el ev i s i on, y ou s houl d be abl e t o v i s ual i z e
Emmet t hunt i ng. "
I c oul dn' t s t op t he nex t s hi v er t hat f l as hed down my s pi ne. I peeked
ac r os s t he c af et er i a t owar d Emmet t , gr at ef ul t hat he was n' t l ook i ng my
way . The t hi c k bands of mus c l e t hat wr apped hi s ar ms and t or s o wer e
s omehow ev en mor e menac i ng now.
Edwar d f ol l owed my gaz e and c huc kl ed. I s t ar ed at hi m, unner v ed.
" Ar e y ou l i k e a bear , t oo?" I as ked i n a l ow v oi c e.
" Mor e l i k e t he l i on, or s o t hey t el l me, " he s ai d l i ght l y . " Per haps our
pr ef er enc es ar e i ndi c at i v e. "
I t r i ed t o s mi l e. " Per haps , " I r epeat ed. But my mi nd was f i l l ed wi t h
oppos i ng i mages t hat I c oul dn' t mer ge t oget her . " I s t hat s omet hi ng I
mi ght get t o s ee?"
" Abs ol ut el y not ! " Hi s f ac e t ur ned ev en whi t er t han us ual , and hi s ey es
wer e s uddenl y f ur i ous . I l eaned bac k , s t unned and — t hough I ' d never
admi t i t t o hi m — f r i ght ened by hi s r eac t i on. He l eaned bac k as wel l ,
f ol di ng hi s ar ms ac r os s hi s c hes t .
" Too s c ar y f or me?" I as k ed when I c oul d c ont r ol my v oi c e agai n.
" I f t hat wer e i t , I woul d t ak e y ou out t oni ght , " he s ai d, hi s v oi ce
c ut t i ng. " You need a heal t hy dos e of f ear . Not hi ng c oul d be mor e
benef i c i al f or y ou. "
" Then why ?" I pr es s ed, t r y i ng t o i gnor e hi s angr y ex pr es s i on.
He gl ar ed at me f or a l ong mi nut e.
" Lat er , " he f i nal l y s ai d. He was on hi s f eet i n one l i t he mov ement .
" We' r e goi ng t o be l at e. "
I gl anc ed ar ound, s t ar t l ed t o s ee t hat he was r i ght and t he c af et er i a was
near l y v ac ant . When I was wi t h hi m, t he t i me and t he pl ac e wer e s uc h a
muddl ed bl ur t hat I c ompl et el y l os t t r ac k of bot h. I j umped up, gr abbi ng
my bag f r om t he bac k of my c hai r .
" Lat er , t hen, " I agr eed. I woul dn' t f or get .
===========================================================================

11. COMPLI CATI ONS

Ev er y one wat c hed us as we wal k ed t oget her t o our l ab t abl e. I not i c ed

t hat he no l onger angl ed t he c hai r t o s i t as f ar f r om me as t he des k
woul d al l ow. I ns t ead, he s at qui t e c l os e bes i de me, our ar ms al most
t ouc hi ng.
Mr . Banner bac k ed i nt o t he r oom t hen — what s uper b t i mi ng t he man had —
pul l i ng a t al l met al f r ame on wheel s t hat hel d a heav y - l ook i ng, out dat ed
TV and VCR. A mov i e day — t he l i f t i n t he c l as s at mos pher e was al mos t
t angi bl e.
Mr . Banner s hov ed t he t ape i nt o t he r el uc t ant VCR and wal k ed t o t he wal l
t o t ur n of f t he l i ght s .
And t hen, as t he r oom went bl ac k , I was s uddenl y hy per awar e t hat Edwar d
was s i t t i ng l es s t han an i nc h f r om me. I was s t unned by t he unex pec t ed
el ec t r i c i t y t hat f l owed t hr ough me, amaz ed t hat i t was pos s i bl e t o be
mor e awar e of hi m t han I al r eady was . A c r az y i mpul s e t o r eac h ov er and
t ouc h hi m, t o s t r ok e hi s per f ec t f ac e j us t onc e i n t he dar k nes s , near l y
ov er whel med me. I c r os s ed my ar ms t i ght l y ac r os s my c hes t , my hands
bal l i ng i nt o f i s t s . I was l os i ng my mi nd.
The openi ng c r edi t s began, l i ght i ng t he r oom by a t ok en amount . My ey es ,
of t hei r own ac c or d, f l i c k er ed t o hi m. I s mi l ed s heepi s hl y as I r eal i z ed
hi s pos t ur e was i dent i c al t o mi ne, f i s t s c l enc hed under hi s ar ms , r i ght
down t o t he ey es , peer i ng s i deways at me. He gr i nned bac k , hi s ey es
s omehow managi ng t o s mol der , ev en i n t he dar k . I l ook ed away bef or e I
c oul d s t ar t hy per v ent i l at i ng. I t was abs ol ut el y r i di c ul ous t hat I s houl d
f eel di z z y .
The hour s eemed v er y l ong. I c oul dn' t c onc ent r at e on t he mov i e — I di dn' t
ev en k now what s ubj ec t i t was on. I t r i ed uns uc c es s f ul l y t o r el ax , but
t he el ec t r i c c ur r ent t hat s eemed t o be or i gi nat i ng f r om s omewher e i n hi s
body nev er s l ac k ened. Oc c as i onal l y I woul d per mi t my s el f a qui c k gl anc e
i n hi s di r ec t i on, but he nev er s eemed t o r el ax , ei t her . The ov er power i ng
c r av i ng t o t ouc h hi m al s o r ef us ed t o f ade, and I c r us hed my f i s t s s af el y
agai ns t my r i bs unt i l my f i nger s wer e ac hi ng wi t h t he ef f or t .
I br eat hed a s i gh of r el i ef when Mr . Banner f l i c k ed t he l i ght s back on at
t he end of c l as s , and s t r et c hed my ar ms out i n f r ont of me, f l ex i ng my
s t i f f f i nger s . Edwar d c huc k l ed bes i de me.
" Wel l , t hat was i nt er es t i ng, " he mur mur ed. Hi s v oi c e was dar k and hi s
ey es wer e c aut i ous .
" Umm, " was al l I was abl e t o r es pond.
" Shal l we?" he as k ed, r i s i ng f l ui dl y .
I al mos t gr oaned. Ti me f or Gy m. I s t ood wi t h c ar e, wor r i ed my bal anc e
mi ght hav e been af f ec t ed by t he st r ange new i nt ens i t y bet ween us .
He wal k ed me t o my nex t c l as s i n s i l enc e and paus ed at t he door ; I t ur ned
t o s ay goodby e. Hi s f ac e s t ar t l ed me — hi s ex pr es s i on was t or n, al mos t
pai ned, and s o f i er c el y beaut i f ul t hat t he ac he t o t ouc h hi m f l ar ed as
s t r ong as bef or e. My goodby e s t uck i n my t hr oat .
He r ai s ed hi s hand, hes i t ant , c onf l i c t r agi ng i n hi s ey es , and t hen
s wi f t l y br us hed t he l engt h of my c heek bone wi t h hi s f i nger t i ps . Hi s s k i n
was as i c y as ev er , but t he t r ai l hi s f i nger s l ef t on my s k i n was
al ar mi ngl y war m — l i ke I ' d been bur ned, but di dn' t f eel t he pai n of i t
y et .
He t ur ned wi t hout a wor d and s t r ode qui c k l y away f r om me.
I wal k ed i nt o t he gy m, l i ght headed and wobbl y . I dr i f t ed t o t he l oc k er
r oom, c hangi ng i n a t r anc el i k e s t at e, onl y v aguel y awar e t hat t her e wer e
ot her peopl e s ur r oundi ng me. Real i t y di dn' t f ul l y s et i n unt i l I was
handed a r ac k et . I t was n' t heav y , y et i t f el t v er y uns af e i n my hand. I
c oul d s ee a f ew of t he ot her k i ds i n c l as s ey ei ng me f ur t i v el y . Coac h
Cl app or der ed us t o pai r up i nt o t eams .
Mer c i f ul l y , s ome v es t i ges of Mi k e' s c hi v al r y s t i l l s ur v i v ed; he c ame t o
s t and bes i de me.
" Do y ou want t o be a t eam?"
" Thank s , Mi k e — y ou don' t hav e t o do t hi s , y ou k now. " I gr i mac ed
apol oget i c al l y .
" Don' t wor r y , I ' l l k eep out of y our way . " He gr i nned. Somet i mes i t was s o
eas y t o l i k e Mi k e.
I t di dn' t go s moot hl y . I s omehow managed t o hi t my s el f i n t he head wi t h
my r ac k et and c l i p Mi k e' s s houl der on t he s ame s wi ng. I s pent t he r es t of
t he hour i n t he bac k c or ner of t he c our t , t he r ac k et hel d s af el y behi nd
my bac k . Des pi t e bei ng handi c apped by me, Mi k e was pr et t y good; he won
t hr ee games out of f our s i ngl ehandedl y . He gav e me an unear ned hi gh f i v e
when t he c oac h f i nal l y bl ew t he whi s t l e endi ng c l as s .
" So, " he s ai d as we wal k ed of f t he c our t .
" So what ?"
" You and Cul l en, huh?" he as k ed, hi s t one r ebel l i ous . My pr ev i ous f eel i ng
of af f ec t i on di s appear ed.
" That ' s none of y our bus i nes s , Mi k e, " I war ned, i nt er nal l y c ur s i ng
J es s i c a s t r ai ght t o t he f i er y pi t s of Hades .
" I don' t l i k e i t , " he mut t er ed any way .
" You don' t hav e t o, " I s napped.
" He l ook s at y ou l i k e… l i k e y ou' r e s omet hi ng t o eat , " he c ont i nued,
i gnor i ng me.
I c hok ed bac k t he hy s t er i a t hat t hr eat ened t o ex pl ode, but a s mal l gi ggl e
managed t o get out des pi t e my ef f or t s . He gl ower ed at me. I wav ed and
f l ed t o t he l oc k er r oom.
I dr es s ed qui c k l y , s omet hi ng s t r onger t han but t er f l i es bat t er i ng
r ec k l es s l y agai ns t t he wal l s of my s t omac h, my ar gument wi t h Mi k e al r eady
a di s t ant memor y . I was wonder i ng i f Edwar d woul d be wai t i ng, or i f I
s houl d meet hi m at hi s c ar . What i f hi s f ami l y was t her e? I f el t a wav e
of r eal t er r or . Di d t hey k now t hat I k new? Was I s uppos ed t o k now t hat
t hey k new t hat I k new, or not ?
By t he t i me I wal k ed out of t he gy m, I had j us t about dec i ded t o wal k
s t r ai ght home wi t hout ev en l ook i ng t owar d t he par k i ng l ot . But my wor r i es
wer e unnec es s ar y . Edwar d was wai t i ng, l eani ng c as ual l y agai ns t t he s i de
of t he gy m, hi s br eat ht ak i ng f ac e unt r oubl ed now. As I wal k ed t o hi s
s i de, I f el t a pec ul i ar s ens e of r el eas e.
" Hi , " I br eat hed, s mi l i ng hugel y .
" Hel l o. " Hi s ans wer i ng s mi l e was br i l l i ant . " How was Gy m?"
My f ac e f el l a t i ny bi t . " Fi ne, " I l i ed.
" Real l y ?" He was unc onv i nc ed. Hi s ey es s hi f t ed t hei r f oc us s l i ght l y ,
l ook i ng ov er my s houl der and nar r owi ng. I gl anc ed behi nd me t o s ee Mi k e' s
bac k as he wal k ed away .
" What ?" I demanded.
Hi s ey es s l i d bac k t o mi ne, s t i l l t i ght . " Newt on' s get t i ng on my ner v es . "
" You wer en' t l i s t eni ng agai n?" I was hor r or - s t r uc k . Al l t r ac es of my
s udden good humor v ani s hed.
" How' s y our head?" he as k ed i nnocent l y .
" You' r e unbel i ev abl e! " I t ur ned, s t ompi ng away i n t he gener al di r ec t i on
of t he par k i ng l ot , t hough I hadn' t r ul ed out wal k i ng at t hi s poi nt .
He k ept up wi t h me eas i l y .
" You wer e t he one who ment i oned how I ' d nev er s een y ou i n Gy m — i t made
me c ur i ous . " He di dn' t s ound r epent ant , s o I i gnor ed hi m.
We wal k ed i n s i l enc e — a f ur i ous , embar r as s ed s i l enc e on my par t — t o hi s
c ar . But I had t o s t op a f ew s t eps away — a c r owd of peopl e, al l boy s ,
wer e s ur r oundi ng i t .
Then I r eal i z ed t hey wer en' t s ur r oundi ng t he Vol v o, t hey wer e ac t ual l y
ci r cl ed ar ound Ros al i e' s r ed c onver t i bl e, unmi s t ak abl e l us t i n t hei r
ey es . None of t hem ev en l ook ed up as Edwar d s l i d bet ween t hem t o open hi s
door . I c l i mbed qui c k l y i n t he pas s enger s i de, al s o unnot i c ed.
" Os t ent at i ous , " he mut t er ed.
" What k i nd of c ar i s t hat ?" I as ked.
" An M3. "
" I don' t s peak Car and Dr i v er . "
" I t ' s a BMW. " He r ol l ed hi s ey es , not l ook i ng at me, t r y i ng t o back out
wi t hout r unni ng ov er t he c ar ent hus i as t s .
I nodded — I ' d hear d of t hat one.
" Ar e y ou s t i l l angr y ?" he as k ed as he c ar ef ul l y maneuv er ed hi s way out .
" Def i ni t el y . "
He s i ghed. " Wi l l y ou f or gi v e me i f I apol ogi z e?"
" May be… i f y ou mean i t . And i f y ou pr omi s e not t o do i t agai n, " I
i ns i s t ed.
Hi s ey es wer e s uddenl y s hr ewd. " How about i f I mean i t , and I agr ee t o
l et y ou dr i v e Sat ur day ?" he c ount er ed my c ondi t i ons .
I c ons i der ed, and dec i ded i t was pr obabl y t he bes t of f er I woul d get .
" Deal , " I agr eed.
" Then I ' m v er y s or r y I ups et y ou. " Hi s ey es bur ned wi t h s i nc er i t y f or a
pr ot r ac t ed moment — pl ay i ng hav oc wi t h t he r hy t hm of my hear t — and t hen
t ur ned pl ay f ul . " And I ' l l be on your door s t ep br i ght and ear l y Sat ur day
mor ni ng. "
" Um, i t does n' t hel p wi t h t he Char l i e s i t uat i on i f an unex pl ai ned Vol v o
i s l ef t i n t he dr i v eway . "
Hi s s mi l e was c ondes c endi ng now. " I was n' t i nt endi ng t o br i ng a c ar . "
" How —"
He c ut me of f . " Don' t wor r y about i t . I ' l l be t her e, no c ar . "
I l et i t go. I had a mor e pr es s i ng ques t i on.
" I s i t l at er y et ?" I as k ed s i gni f i c ant l y .
He f r owned. " I s uppos ed i t i s l at er . "
I k ept my ex pr es s i on pol i t e as I wai t ed.
He s t opped t he c ar . I l ook ed up, s ur pr i s ed — of c our s e we wer e al r eady at
Char l i e' s hous e, par k ed behi nd t he t r uc k . I t was eas i er t o r i de wi t h hi m
if I onl y l ook ed when i t was ov er . When I l ook ed bac k at hi m, he was
s t ar i ng at me, meas ur i ng wi t h hi s ey es .
" And y ou s t i l l want t o k now why you c an' t s ee me hunt ?" He s eemed s ol emn,
but I t hought I s aw a t r ac e of humor deep i n hi s ey es .
" Wel l , " I c l ar i f i ed, " I was mos t l y wonder i ng about y our r eac t i on. "
" Di d I f r i ght en y ou?" Yes , t her e was def i ni t el y humor t her e.
" No, " I l i ed. He di dn' t buy i t .
" I apol ogi z e f or s c ar i ng y ou, " he per s i s t ed wi t h a s l i ght s mi l e, but t hen
al l ev i denc e of t eas i ng di s appear ed. " I t was j us t t he v er y t hought of y ou
bei ng t her e… whi l e we hunt ed. " Hi s j aw t i ght ened.
" That woul d be bad?"
He s pok e f r om bet ween c l enc hed t eet h. " Ex t r emel y . "
" Bec aus e… ?"
He t ook a deep br eat h and s t ar ed t hr ough t he wi nds hi el d at t he t hi c k ,
r ol l i ng c l ouds t hat s eemed t o pr es s down, al mos t wi t hi n r eac h.
" When we hunt , " he s pok e s l owl y , unwi l l i ngl y , " we gi v e our s el v es ov er t o
our s ens es … gov er n l es s wi t h our mi nds . Es pec i al l y our s ens e of s mel l . I f
y ou wer e any wher e near me when I l os t c ont r ol t hat way …" He s hook hi s
head, s t i l l gaz i ng mor os el y at t he heav y c l ouds .
I k ept my ex pr es s i on f i r ml y under c ont r ol , ex pec t i ng t he s wi f t f l as h of
hi s ey es t o j udge my r eac t i on t hat s oon f ol l owed. My f ac e gav e not hi ng
away .
But our ey es hel d, and t he s i l ence deepened — and c hanged. Fl i c k er s of
t he el ec t r i c i t y I ' d f el t t hi s af t er noon began t o c har ge t he at mos pher e as
he gaz ed unr el ent i ngl y i nt o my eyes . I t was n' t unt i l my head s t ar t ed t o
s wi m t hat I r eal i z ed I was n' t br eat hi ng. When I dr ew i n a j agged br eat h,
br eak i ng t he s t i l l nes s , he c l os ed hi s ey es .
" Bel l a, I t hi nk y ou s houl d go i nsi de now. " Hi s l ow v oi c e was r ough, hi s
ey es on t he c l ouds agai n.
I opened t he door , and t he ar c t i c dr af t t hat bur s t i nt o t he c ar hel ped
c l ear my head. Af r ai d I mi ght s t umbl e i n my wooz y s t at e, I s t epped
c ar ef ul l y out of t he c ar and s hut t he door behi nd me wi t hout l ook i ng
bac k . The whi r of t he aut omat i c wi ndow unr ol l i ng made me t ur n.
" Oh, Bel l a?" he c al l ed af t er me, hi s v oi c e mor e ev en. He l eaned t owar d
t he open wi ndow wi t h a f ai nt s mi l e on hi s l i ps .
" Yes ?"
" Tomor r ow i t ' s my t ur n. "
" Your t ur n t o what ?"
He s mi l ed wi der , f l as hi ng hi s gl eami ng t eet h. " As k t he ques t i ons . "
And t hen he was gone, t he c ar s peedi ng down t he s t r eet and di s appear i ng
ar ound t he c or ner bef or e I c oul d ev en c ol l ec t my t hought s . I s mi l ed as I
wal k ed t o t he hous e. I t was c l ear he was pl anni ng t o s ee me t omor r ow, i f
not hi ng el s e.
That ni ght Edwar d s t ar r ed i n my dr eams , as us ual . Howev er , t he c l i mat e of
my unc ons c i ous nes s had c hanged. I t t hr i l l ed wi t h t he s ame el ec t r i ci t y
t hat had c har ged t he af t er noon, and I t os s ed and t ur ned r es t l es s l y,
wak i ng of t en. I t was onl y i n t he ear l y hour s of t he mor ni ng t hat I
f i nal l y s ank i nt o an ex haus t ed, dr eaml es s s l eep.
When I wok e I was s t i l l t i r ed, but edgy as wel l . I pul l ed on my br own
t ur t l enec k and t he i nes c apabl e j eans , s i ghi ng as I day dr eamed of
s paghet t i s t r aps and s hor t s . Br eak f as t was t he us ual , qui et ev ent I
ex pec t ed. Char l i e f r i ed eggs f or hi ms el f ; I had my bowl of c er eal . I
wonder ed i f he had f or got t en about t hi s Sat ur day . He ans wer ed my uns pok en
ques t i on as he s t ood up t o t ak e hi s pl at e t o t he s i nk .
" About t hi s Sat ur day …" he began, wal k i ng ac r os s t he k i t c hen and t ur ni ng
on t he f auc et .
I c r i nged. " Yes , Dad?"
" Ar e y ou s t i l l s et on goi ng t o Seat t l e?" he as k ed.
" That was t he pl an. " I gr i mac ed, wi s hi ng he hadn' t br ought i t up so I
woul dn' t hav e t o c ompos e c ar ef ul hal f - t r ut hs .
He s queez ed s ome di s h s oap ont o hi s pl at e and s wi r l ed i t ar ound wi t h t he
br us h. " And y ou' r e s ur e y ou c an' t mak e i t bac k i n t i me f or t he danc e?"
" I ' m not goi ng t o t he danc e, Dad. " I gl ar ed.
" Di dn' t any one as k y ou?" he as k ed, t r y i ng t o hi de hi s c onc er n by f oc us i ng
on r i ns i ng t he pl at e.
I s i des t epped t he mi nef i el d. " I t ' s a gi r l ' s c hoi c e. "
" Oh. " He f r owned as he dr i ed hi s pl at e.
I s y mpat hi z ed wi t h hi m. I t mus t be a har d t hi ng, t o be a f at her ; l i v i ng
i n f ear t hat y our daught er woul d meet a boy s he l i k ed, but al s o hav i ng t o
wor r y i f s he di dn' t . How ghas t l y i t woul d be, I t hought , s hudder i ng, i f
Char l i e had ev en t he s l i ght es t i nk l i ng of ex ac t l y what I di d l i k e.
Char l i e l ef t t hen, wi t h a goodby e wav e, and I went ups t ai r s t o br us h my
t eet h and gat her my book s . When I hear d t he c r ui s er pul l away , I coul d
onl y wai t a f ew s ec onds bef or e I had t o peek out of my wi ndow. The s i l v er
c ar was al r eady t her e, wai t i ng i n Char l i e' s s pot on t he dr i v eway . I
bounded down t he s t ai r s and out t he f r ont door , wonder i ng how l ong t hi s
bi z ar r e r out i ne woul d c ont i nue. I nev er want ed i t t o end.
He wai t ed i n t he c ar , not appear i ng t o wat c h as I s hut t he door behi nd me
wi t hout bot her i ng t o l oc k t he dead- bol t . I wal k ed t o t he c ar , pausi ng
s hy l y bef or e openi ng t he door and s t eppi ng i n. He was s mi l i ng, r el ax ed —
and, as us ual , per f ec t and beaut i f ul t o an ex c r uc i at i ng degr ee.
" Good mor ni ng. " Hi s v oi c e was s i l k y . " How ar e y ou t oday ?" Hi s ey es r oamed
ov er my f ac e, as i f hi s ques t i on was s omet hi ng mor e t han s i mpl e c our t es y .
" Good, t hank y ou. " I was al way s good — muc h mor e t han good — when I was
near hi m.
Hi s gaz e l i nger ed on t he c i r c l es under my ey es . " You l ook t i r ed. "
" I c oul dn' t s l eep, " I c onf es s ed, aut omat i c al l y s wi ngi ng my hai r ar ound my
s houl der t o pr ov i de s ome meas ur e of c ov er .
" Nei t her c oul d I , " he t eas ed as he s t ar t ed t he engi ne. I was bec omi ng
us ed t o t he qui et pur r . I was s ur e t he r oar of my t r uc k woul d s c ar e me,
whenev er I got t o dr i v e i t agai n.
I l aughed. " I gues s t hat ' s r i ght . I s uppos e I s l ept j us t a l i t t l e bi t
mor e t han y ou di d. "
" I ' d wager y ou di d. "
" So what di d y ou do l as t ni ght ?" I as k ed.
He c huc k l ed. " Not a c hanc e. I t ' s my day t o as k ques t i ons . "
" Oh, t hat ' s r i ght . What do y ou want t o k now?" My f or ehead c r eas ed. I
c oul dn' t i magi ne any t hi ng about me t hat c oul d be i n any way i nt er es t i ng
t o hi m.
" What ' s y our f av or i t e c ol or ?" he as k ed, hi s f ac e gr av e.
I r ol l ed my ey es . " I t c hanges f r om day t o day . "
" What ' s y our f av or i t e c ol or t oday?" He was s t i l l s ol emn.
" Pr obabl y br own. " I t ended t o dr es s ac c or di ng t o my mood.
He s nor t ed, dr oppi ng hi s s er i ous ex pr es s i on. " Br own?" he as k ed
s k ept i c al l y .
" Sur e. Br own i s war m. I mi s s br own. Ev er y t hi ng t hat ' s s uppos ed t o be
br own — t r ee t r unk s , r oc k s , di r t — i s al l c ov er ed up wi t h s quas hy gr een
s t uf f her e, " I c ompl ai ned.
He s eemed f as c i nat ed by my l i t t l e r ant . He c ons i der ed f or a moment ,
s t ar i ng i nt o my ey es .
" You' r e r i ght , " he dec i ded, s er i ous agai n. " Br own i s war m. " He r eac hed
ov er , s wi f t l y , but s omehow s t i l l hes i t ant l y , t o s weep my hai r bac k behi nd
my s houl der .
We wer e at t he s c hool by now. He t ur ned bac k t o me as he pul l ed i nt o a
par k i ng s pac e.
" What mus i c i s i n y our CD pl ay er r i ght now?" he as k ed, hi s f ac e as s omber
as i f he' d as k ed f or a mur der c onf es s i on.
I r eal i z ed I ' d nev er r emov ed t he CD Phi l had gi v en me. When I s ai d t he
name of t he band, he s mi l ed c r ookedl y , a pec ul i ar ex pr es s i on i n hi s ey es .
He f l i pped open a c ompar t ment under hi s c ar ' s CD pl ay er , pul l ed out one
of t hi r t y or s o CDs t hat wer e j ammed i nt o t he s mal l s pac e, and handed i t
t o me,
" Debus s y t o t hi s ?" He r ai s ed an ey ebr ow.
I t was t he s ame CD. I ex ami ned t he f ami l i ar c ov er ar t , k eepi ng my ey es
down.
I t c ont i nued l i k e t hat f or t he r es t of t he day . Whi l e he wal k ed me t o
Engl i s h, when he met me af t er Spani s h, al l t hr ough t he l unc h hour , he
ques t i oned me r el ent l es s l y about ev er y i ns i gni f i c ant det ai l of my
ex i s t enc e. Mov i es I ' d l i k ed and hat ed, t he f ew pl ac es I ' d been and t he
many pl ac es I want ed t o go, and book s — endl es s l y book s .
I c oul dn' t r emember t he l as t t i me I ' d t al k ed s o muc h. Mor e of t en t han
not , I f el t s el f - c ons c i ous , c er t ai n I mus t be bor i ng hi m. But t he
abs ol ut e abs or pt i on of hi s f ac e, and hi s nev er - endi ng s t r eam of
ques t i ons , c ompel l ed me t o c ont i nue. Mos t l y hi s ques t i ons wer e easy , onl y
a v er y f ew t r i gger i ng my eas y bl us hes . But when I di d f l us h, i t br ought
on a whol e new r ound of ques t i ons.
Suc h as t he t i me he as k ed my f av or i t e gems t one, and I bl ur t ed out t opaz
bef or e t hi nk i ng. He' d been f l i ngi ng ques t i ons at me wi t h s uc h s peed t hat
I f el t l i k e I was t ak i ng one of t hos e ps y c hi at r i c t es t s wher e y ou ans wer
wi t h t he f i r s t wor d t hat c omes t o mi nd. I was s ur e he woul d hav e
c ont i nued down what ev er ment al l i s t he was f ol l owi ng, ex c ept f or t he
bl us h. My f ac e r eddened bec aus e, unt i l v er y r ec ent l y , my f av or i t e
gems t one was gar net . I t was i mposs i bl e, whi l e s t ar i ng bac k i nt o hi s t opaz
ey es , not t o r emember t he r eas on f or t he s wi t c h. And, nat ur al l y , he
woul dn' t r es t unt i l I ' d admi t t ed why I was embar r as s ed.
" Tel l me, " he f i nal l y c ommanded af t er per s uas i on f ai l ed — f ai l ed onl y
bec aus e I k ept my ey es s af el y away f r om hi s f ac e.
"I t ' s t he c ol or of y our ey es t oday , " I s i ghed, s ur r ender i ng, s t ar i ng down
at my hands as I f i ddl ed wi t h a pi ec e of my hai r . " I s uppos e i f y ou as k ed
me i n t wo week s I ' d s ay ony x . " I ' d gi v en mor e i nf or mat i on t han neces s ar y
i n my unwi l l i ng hones t y , and I wor r i ed i t woul d pr ov ok e t he s t r ange anger
t hat f l ar ed whenev er I s l i pped and r ev eal ed t oo c l ear l y how obs es sed I
was .
But hi s paus e was v er y s hor t .
" What k i nds of f l ower s do y ou pr ef er ?" he f i r ed of f .
I s i ghed i n r el i ef , and c ont i nued wi t h t he ps y c hoanal y s i s .
Bi ol ogy was a c ompl i c at i on agai n. Edwar d had c ont i nued wi t h hi s qui z z i ng
up unt i l Mr . Banner ent er ed t he r oom, dr aggi ng t he audi ov i s ual f r ame
agai n. As t he t eac her appr oac hed t he l i ght s wi t c h, I not i c ed Edwar d s l i de
hi s c hai r s l i ght l y f ar t her away f r om mi ne. I t di dn' t hel p. As s oon as t he
r oom was dar k , t her e was t he s ame el ec t r i c s par k , t he s ame r es t l ess
c r av i ng t o s t r et c h my hand ac r os s t he s hor t s pac e and t ouc h hi s c ol d
s k i n, as y es t er day .
I l eaned f or war d on t he t abl e, r es t i ng my c hi n on my f ol ded ar ms , my
hi dden f i nger s gr i ppi ng t he t abl e' s edge as I f ought t o i gnor e t he
i r r at i onal l ongi ng t hat uns et t l ed me. I di dn' t l ook at hi m, af r ai d t hat
i f he was l ook i ng at me, i t woul d onl y mak e s el f - c ont r ol t hat muc h
har der . I s i nc er el y t r i ed t o wat ch t he mov i e, but at t he end of t he hour
I had no i dea what I ' d j us t s een. I s i ghed i n r el i ef agai n when Mr .
Banner t ur ned t he l i ght s on, f i nal l y gl anc i ng at Edwar d; he was l ook i ng
at me, hi s ey es ambi v al ent .
He r os e i n s i l enc e and t hen s t ood s t i l l , wai t i ng f or me. We wal k ed t owar d
t he gy m i n s i l enc e, l i k e y es t er day . And, al s o l i k e y es t er day , he t ouc hed
my f ac e wor dl es s l y — t hi s t i me wi t h t he bac k of hi s c ool hand, s t r ok i ng
onc e f r om my t empl e t o my j aw — bef or e he t ur ned and wal k ed away .
Gy m pas s ed qui c k l y as I wat c hed Mi k e' s one- man badmi nt on s how. He di dn' t
s peak t o me t oday , ei t her i n r es pons e t o my v ac ant ex pr es s i on or bec aus e
he was s t i l l angr y about our s quabbl e y es t er day . Somewher e, i n a cor ner
of my mi nd, I f el t bad about t hat . But I c oul dn' t c onc ent r at e on hi m.
I hur r i ed t o c hange af t er war d, i l l at eas e, k nowi ng t he f as t er I mov ed,
t he s ooner I woul d be wi t h Edwar d. The pr es s ur e made me mor e c l umsy t han
us ual , but ev ent ual l y I made i t out t he door , f eel i ng t he s ame r el eas e
when I s aw hi m s t andi ng t her e, a wi de s mi l e aut omat i c al l y s pr eadi ng
ac r os s my f ac e. He s mi l ed i n r eact i on bef or e l aunc hi ng i nt o mor e
c r os s - ex ami nat i on.
Hi s ques t i ons wer e di f f er ent now, t hough, not as eas i l y ans wer ed. He
want ed t o k now what I mi s s ed about home, i ns i s t i ng on des c r i pt i ons of
any t hi ng he was n' t f ami l i ar wi t h. We s at i n f r ont of Char l i e' s hous e f or
hour s , as t he s k y dar k ened and r ai n pl ummet ed ar ound us i n a s udden
del uge.
I t r i ed t o des c r i be i mpos s i bl e t hi ngs l i k e t he s c ent of c r eos ot e —
bi t t er , s l i ght l y r es i nous , but s t i l l pl eas ant — t he hi gh, k eeni ng s ound
of t he c i c adas i n J ul y , t he f eat her y bar r ennes s of t he t r ees , t he v er y
s i z e of t he s k y , ex t endi ng whi t e- bl ue f r om hor i z on t o hor i z on, bar el y
i nt er r upt ed by t he l ow mount ai ns c ov er ed wi t h pur pl e v ol c ani c r oc k. The
har des t t hi ng t o ex pl ai n was why i t was s o beaut i f ul t o me — t o j us t i f y a
beaut y t hat di dn' t depend on t he s par s e, s pi ny v eget at i on t hat of t en
l ook ed hal f dead, a beaut y t hat had mor e t o do wi t h t he ex pos ed s hape of
t he l and, wi t h t he s hal l ow bowl s of v al l ey s bet ween t he c r aggy hi l l s , and
t he way t hey hel d on t o t he s un. I f ound my s el f us i ng my hands as I t r i ed
t o des c r i be i t t o hi m.
Hi s qui et , pr obi ng ques t i ons k ept me t al k i ng f r eel y , f or get t i ng, i n t he
di m l i ght of t he s t or m, t o be embar r as s ed f or monopol i z i ng t he
c onv er s at i on. Fi nal l y , when I had f i ni s hed det ai l i ng my c l ut t er ed r oom at
home, he paus ed i ns t ead of r es pondi ng wi t h anot her ques t i on.
" Ar e y ou f i ni s hed?" I as k ed i n r el i ef .
" Not ev en c l os e — but y our f at her wi l l be home s oon. "
" Char l i e! " I s uddenl y r ec al l ed hi s ex i s t enc e, and s i ghed. I l ook ed out at
t he r ai n- dar k ened s k y , but i t gave not hi ng away . " How l at e i s i t ?" I
wonder ed out l oud as I gl anc ed at t he c l oc k . I was s ur pr i s ed by t he t i me
— Char l i e woul d be dr i v i ng home now.
" I t ' s t wi l i ght , " Edwar d mur mur ed, l ook i ng at t he wes t er n hor i z on,
obs c ur ed as i t was wi t h c l ouds . Hi s v oi c e was t hought f ul , as i f hi s mi nd
wer e s omewher e f ar away . I s t ar ed at hi m as he gaz ed uns eei ngl y out t he
wi nds hi el d.
I was s t i l l s t ar i ng when hi s ey es s uddenl y s hi f t ed bac k t o mi ne.
" I t ' s t he s af es t t i me of day f or us , " he s ai d, ans wer i ng t he uns pok en
ques t i on i n my ey es . " The eas i es t t i me. But al s o t he s addes t , i n a way …
t he end of anot her day , t he r et ur n of t he ni ght . Dar k nes s i s s o
pr edi c t abl e, don' t y ou t hi nk ?" He s mi l ed wi s t f ul l y .
" I l i k e t he ni ght . Wi t hout t he dar k , we' d nev er s ee t he s t ar s . " I
f r owned. " Not t hat y ou s ee t hem her e muc h. "
He l aughed, and t he mood abr upt l y l i ght ened.
" Char l i e wi l l be her e i n a f ew mi nut es . So, unl es s y ou want t o t el l hi m
t hat y ou' l l be wi t h me Sat ur day …" He r ai s ed one ey ebr ow.
" Thank s , but no t hank s . " I gat her ed my book s , r eal i z i ng I was s t i f f f r om
s i t t i ng s t i l l s o l ong. " So i s i t my t ur n t omor r ow, t hen?"
" Cer t ai nl y not ! " Hi s f ac e was t eas i ngl y out r aged. " I t ol d y ou I was n' t
done, di dn' t I ?"
" What mor e i s t her e?"
" You' l l f i nd out t omor r ow. " He r eac hed ac r os s t o open my door f or me, and
hi s s udden pr ox i mi t y s ent my hear t i nt o f r enz i ed pal pi t at i ons .
But hi s hand f r oz e on t he handl e.
" Not good, " he mut t er ed.
" What i s i t ?" I was s ur pr i s ed t o s ee t hat hi s j aw was c l enc hed, hi s ey es
di s t ur bed.
He gl anc ed at me f or a br i ef s ec ond. " Anot her c ompl i c at i on, " he s ai d
gl uml y .
He f l ung t he door open i n one s wi f t mov ement , and t hen mov ed, al mos t
c r i nged, s wi f t l y away f r om me.
The f l as h of headl i ght s t hr ough t he r ai n c aught my at t ent i on as a dar k
c ar pul l ed up t o t he c ur b j us t a f ew f eet away , f ac i ng us .
" Char l i e' s ar ound t he c or ner , " he war ned, s t ar i ng t hr ough t he downpour at
t he ot her v ehi c l e.
I hopped out at onc e, des pi t e my c onf us i on and c ur i os i t y . The r ai n was
l ouder as i t gl anc ed of f my j ac k et .
I t r i ed t o mak e out t he s hapes i n t he f r ont s eat of t he ot her c ar , but i t
was t oo dar k . I c oul d s ee Edwar d i l l umi nat ed i n t he gl ar e of t he new
c ar ' s headl i ght s ; he was s t i l l s t ar i ng ahead, hi s gaz e l oc k ed on
s omet hi ng or s omeone I c oul dn' t see. Hi s ex pr es s i on was a s t r ange mi x of
f r us t r at i on and def i anc e.
Then he r ev v ed t he engi ne, and t he t i r es s queal ed agai ns t t he wet
pav ement . The Vol v o was out of s i ght i n s ec onds .
" Hey , Bel l a, " c al l ed a f ami l i ar , hus k y v oi c e f r om t he dr i v er ' s s i de of
t he l i t t l e bl ac k c ar .
" J ac ob?" I as k ed, s qui nt i ng t hr ough t he r ai n. J us t t hen, Char l i e' s
c r ui s er s wung ar ound t he c or ner , hi s l i ght s s hi ni ng on t he oc c upant s of
t he c ar i n f r ont of me.
J ac ob was al r eady c l i mbi ng out , hi s wi de gr i n v i s i bl e ev en t hr ough t he
dar k nes s . I n t he pas s enger s eat was a muc h ol der man, a heav y s et man wi t h
a memor abl e f ac e — a f ac e t hat over f l owed, t he c heek s r es t i ng agai ns t hi s
s houl der s , wi t h c r eas es r unni ng t hr ough t he r us s et s k i n l i k e an ol d
l eat her j ac k et . And t he s ur pr i s i ngl y f ami l i ar ey es , bl ac k ey es t hat
s eemed at t he s ame t i me bot h t oo y oung and t oo anc i ent f or t he br oad f ac e
t hey wer e s et i n. J ac ob' s f at her , Bi l l y Bl ac k . I k new hi m i mmedi at el y ,
t hough i n t he mor e t han f i v e y ear s s i nc e I ' d s een hi m l as t I ' d managed t o
f or get hi s name when Char l i e had s pok en of hi m my f i r s t day her e. He was
s t ar i ng at me, s c r ut i ni z i ng my f ac e, s o I s mi l ed t ent at i v el y at hi m. Hi s
ey es wer e wi de, as i f i n s hoc k or f ear , hi s nos t r i l s f l ar ed. My s mi l e
f aded.
Anot her c ompl i c at i on, Edwar d had s ai d.
Bi l l y s t i l l s t ar ed at me wi t h i nt ens e, anx i ous ey es . I gr oaned
i nt er nal l y . Had Bi l l y r ec ogni z ed Edwar d s o eas i l y ? Coul d he r eal l y
bel i ev e t he i mpos s i bl e l egends hi s s on had s c of f ed at ?
The ans wer was c l ear i n Bi l l y ' s ey es . Yes . Yes , he c oul d.
===========================================================================
12. BALANCI NG

" Bi l l y ! " Char l i e c al l ed as s oon as he got out of t he c ar .

I t ur ned t owar d t he hous e, bec k oni ng t o J ac ob as I duc k ed under t he
por c h. I hear d Char l i e gr eet i ng t hem l oudl y behi nd me.
" I ' m goi ng t o pr et end I di dn' t s ee y ou behi nd t he wheel , J ak e, " he s ai d
di s appr ov i ngl y .
" We get per mi t s ear l y on t he r ez , " J ac ob s ai d whi l e I unl oc k ed t he door
and f l i c k ed on t he por c h l i ght .
" Sur e y ou do, " Char l i e l aughed.
" I hav e t o get ar ound s omehow. " I r ec ogni z ed Bi l l y ' s r es onant v oi ce
eas i l y , des pi t e t he y ear s . The s ound of i t made me f eel s uddenl y younger ,
a c hi l d.
I went i ns i de, l eav i ng t he door open behi nd me and t ur ni ng on l i ght s
bef or e I hung up my j ac k et . Then I s t ood i n t he door , wat c hi ng anxi ous l y
as Char l i e and J ac ob hel ped Bi l l y out of t he c ar and i nt o hi s wheel c hai r .
I bac k ed out of t he way as t he t hr ee of t hem hur r i ed i n, s hak i ng of f t he
r ai n.
" Thi s i s a s ur pr i s e, " Char l i e was s ay i ng.
" I t ' s been t oo l ong, " Bi l l y ans wer ed. " I hope i t ' s not a bad t i me. " Hi s
dar k ey es f l as hed up t o me agai n, t hei r ex pr es s i on unr eadabl e.
" No, i t ' s gr eat . I hope y ou c an st ay f or t he game. "
J ac ob gr i nned. " I t hi nk t hat ' s t he pl an — our TV br ok e l as t week . "
Bi l l y made a f ac e at hi s s on. " And, of c our s e, J ac ob was anx i ous t o s ee
Bel l a agai n, " he added. J ac ob s c owl ed and duc k ed hi s head whi l e I f ought
bac k a s ur ge of r emor s e. May be I ' d been t oo c onv i nc i ng on t he beach.
" Ar e y ou hungr y ?" I as k ed, t ur ni ng t owar d t he k i t c hen. I was eager t o
es c ape Bi l l y ' s s ear c hi ng gaz e.
" Naw, we at e j us t bef or e we c ame, " J ac ob ans wer ed.
" How about y ou, Char l i e?" I c al l ed ov er my s houl der as I f l ed ar ound t he
c or ner .
" Sur e, " he r epl i ed, hi s v oi c e movi ng i n t he di r ec t i on of t he f r ont r oom
and t he TV. I c oul d hear Bi l l y ' s c hai r f ol l ow.
The gr i l l ed c hees e s andwi c hes wer e i n t he f r y i ng pan and I was s l i c i ng up
a t omat o when I s ens ed s omeone behi nd me.
" So, how ar e t hi ngs ?" J ac ob as k ed.
" Pr et t y good. " I s mi l ed. Hi s ent hus i as m was har d t o r es i s t . " How about
y ou? Di d y ou f i ni s h y our c ar ?"
" No. " He f r owned. " I s t i l l need par t s . We bor r owed t hat one. " He poi nt ed
wi t h hi s t humb i n t he di r ec t i on of t he f r ont y ar d.
" Sor r y . I hav en' t s een any … what was i t y ou wer e l ook i ng f or ?"
" Mas t er c y l i nder . " He gr i nned. " I s s omet hi ng wr ong wi t h t he t r uc k ?" he
added s uddenl y .
" No. "
" Oh. I j us t wonder ed bec aus e y ou wer en' t dr i v i ng i t . "
I s t ar ed down at t he pan, pul l i ng up t he edge of a s andwi c h t o c hec k t he
bot t om s i de. " I got a r i de wi t h a f r i end. "
" Ni c e r i de. " J ac ob' s v oi c e was admi r i ng. " I di dn' t r ec ogni z e t he dr i v er ,
t hough. I t hought I k new mos t of t he k i ds ar ound her e. "
I nodded nonc ommi t t al l y , k eepi ng my ey es down as I f l i pped s andwi ches .
" My dad s eemed t o k now hi m f r om somewher e. "
" J ac ob, c oul d y ou hand me s ome pl at es ? They ' r e i n t he c upboar d ov er t he
s i nk . "
" Sur e. "
He got t he pl at es i n s i l enc e. I hoped he woul d l et i t dr op now.
" So who was i t ?" he as k ed, s et t i ng t wo pl at es on t he c ount er nex t t o me.
I s i ghed i n def eat . " Edwar d Cul l en. "
To my s ur pr i s e, he l aughed. I gl anc ed up at hi m. He l ook ed a l i t t l e
embar r as s ed.
" Gues s t hat ex pl ai ns i t , t hen, " he s ai d. " I wonder ed why my dad was
ac t i ng s o s t r ange. "
" That ' s r i ght . " I f ak ed an i nnoc ent ex pr es s i on. " He does n' t l i k e t he
Cul l ens . "
" Super s t i t i ous ol d man, " J ac ob mut t er ed under hi s br eat h.
" You don' t t hi nk he' d s ay any t hi ng t o Char l i e?" I c oul dn' t hel p ask i ng,
t he wor ds c omi ng out i n a l ow r ush.
J ac ob s t ar ed at me f or a moment , and I c oul dn' t r ead t he ex pr es s i on i n
hi s dar k ey es . " I doubt i t , " he f i nal l y ans wer ed. " I t hi nk Char l i e c hewed
hi m out pr et t y good l as t t i me. They hav en' t s pok en muc h s i nc e — t oni ght
i s s or t of a r euni on, I t hi nk . I don' t t hi nk he' d br i ng i t up agai n. "
" Oh, " I s ai d, t r y i ng t o s ound i ndi f f er ent .
I s t ay ed i n t he f r ont r oom af t er I c ar r i ed t he f ood out t o Char l i e,
pr et endi ng t o wat c h t he game whi l e J ac ob c hat t er ed at me. I was r eal l y
l i s t eni ng t o t he men' s c onv er s at i on, wat c hi ng f or any s i gn t hat Bi l l y was
about t o r at me out , t r y i ng t o t hi nk of way s t o s t op hi m i f he began.
I t was a l ong ni ght . I had a l ot of homewor k t hat was goi ng undone, but I
was af r ai d t o l eav e Bi l l y al one wi t h Char l i e. Fi nal l y , t he game ended.
" Ar e y ou and y our f r i ends c omi ng bac k t o t he beac h s oon?" J ac ob ask ed as
he pus hed hi s f at her ov er t he l i p of t he t hr es hol d.
" I ' m not s ur e, " I hedged.
" That was f un, Char l i e, " Bi l l y s ai d.
" Come up f or t he nex t game, " Char l i e enc our aged.
" Sur e, s ur e, " Bi l l y s ai d. " We' l l be her e. Hav e a good ni ght . " Hi s ey es
s hi f t ed t o mi ne, and hi s s mi l e di s appear ed. " You t ak e c ar e, Bel l a, " he
added s er i ous l y .
" Thank s , " I mut t er ed, l ook i ng away .
I headed f or t he s t ai r s whi l e Char l i e wav ed f r om t he door way .
" Wai t , Bel l a, " he s ai d.
I c r i nged. Had Bi l l y got t en s omet hi ng i n bef or e I ' d j oi ned t hem i n t he
l i v i ng r oom?
But Char l i e was r el ax ed, s t i l l gr i nni ng f r om t he unex pec t ed v i s i t .
" I di dn' t get a c hanc e t o t al k t o y ou t oni ght . How was y our day ?"
" Good. " I hes i t at ed wi t h one f oot on t he f i r s t s t ai r , s ear c hi ng f or
det ai l s I c oul d s af el y s har e. " My badmi nt on t eam won al l f our games . "
" Wow, I di dn' t k now y ou c oul d pl ay badmi nt on. "
" Wel l , ac t ual l y I c an' t , but my par t ner i s r eal l y good, " I admi t t ed.
" Who i s i t ?" he as k ed wi t h t ok en i nt er es t .
" Um… Mi k e Newt on, " I t ol d hi m r el uc t ant l y .
" Oh y eah — y ou s ai d y ou wer e f r i ends wi t h t he Newt on k i d. " He per ked up.
" Ni c e f ami l y . " He mus ed f or a mi nut e. " Why di dn' t y ou as k hi m t o t he
danc e t hi s week end?"
" Dad! " I gr oaned. " He' s k i nd of dat i ng my f r i end J es s i c a. Bes i des , y ou
k now I c an' t danc e. "
" Oh y eah, " he mut t er ed. Then he smi l ed at me apol oget i c al l y . " So I gues s
i t ' s good y ou' l l be gone Sat ur day… I ' v e made pl ans t o go f i s hi ng wi t h t he
guy s f r om t he s t at i on. The weat her ' s s uppos ed t o be r eal war m. But i f y ou
want ed t o put y our t r i p of f t i l l s omeone c oul d go wi t h y ou, I ' d s t ay
home. I k now I l eav e y ou her e al one t oo muc h. "
" Dad, y ou' r e doi ng a gr eat j ob. " I s mi l ed, hopi ng my r el i ef di dn' t s how.
" I ' v e nev er mi nded bei ng al one — I ' m t oo muc h l i k e y ou. " I wi nk ed at hi m,
and he s mi l ed hi s c r i nk l y - ey ed s mi l e.

I s l ept bet t er t hat ni ght , t oo t i r ed t o dr eam agai n. When I wok e t o t he

pear l gr ay mor ni ng, my mood was bl i s s f ul . The t ens e ev eni ng wi t h Bi l l y
and J ac ob s eemed har ml es s enough now; I dec i ded t o f or get i t c ompl et el y .
I c aught my s el f whi s t l i ng whi l e I was pul l i ng t he f r ont par t of my hai r
bac k i nt o a bar r et t e, and l at er agai n as I s k i pped down t he s t ai r s.
Char l i e not i c ed.
" You' r e c heer f ul t hi s mor ni ng, " he c omment ed ov er br eak f as t .
I s hr ugged. " I t ' s Fr i day . "
I hur r i ed s o I woul d be r eady t o go t he s ec ond Char l i e l ef t . I had my bag
r eady , s hoes on, t eet h br us hed, but ev en t hough I r us hed t o t he door as
s oon as I was s ur e Char l i e woul d be out of s i ght , Edwar d was f as t er . He
was wai t i ng i n hi s s hi ny c ar , wi ndows down, engi ne of f .
I di dn' t hes i t at e t hi s t i me, c l i mbi ng i n t he pas s enger s i de qui c k l y , t he
s ooner t o s ee hi s f ac e. He gr i nned hi s c r ook ed s mi l e at me, s t oppi ng my
br eat h and my hear t . I c oul dn' t i magi ne how an angel c oul d be any mor e
gl or i ous . Ther e was not hi ng about hi m t hat c oul d be i mpr ov ed upon.
" How di d y ou s l eep?" he as k ed. I wonder ed i f he had any i dea how
appeal i ng hi s v oi c e was .
" Fi ne. How was y our ni ght ?"
" Pl eas ant . " Hi s s mi l e was amus ed; I f el t l i k e I was mi s s i ng an i nsi de
j ok e.
" Can I as k what y ou di d?" I as k ed.
" No. " He gr i nned. " Today i s s t i l l mi ne. "
He want ed t o k now about peopl e t oday : mor e about Renée, her hobbi es , what
we' d done i n our f r ee t i me t oget her . And t hen t he one gr andmot her I ' d
k nown, my f ew s c hool f r i ends — embar r as s i ng me when he as k ed about boy s
I ' d dat ed. I was r el i ev ed t hat I ' d nev er r eal l y dat ed any one, s o t hat
par t i c ul ar c onv er s at i on c oul dn' t l as t l ong. He s eemed as s ur pr i s ed as
J es s i c a and Angel a by my l ac k of r omant i c hi s t or y .
" So y ou nev er met any one y ou want ed?" he as k ed i n a s er i ous t one t hat
made me wonder what he was t hi nk i ng about .
I was gr udgi ngl y hones t . " Not i n Phoeni x . "
Hi s l i ps pr es s ed t oget her i nt o a har d l i ne.
We wer e i n t he c af et er i a at t hi s poi nt . The day had s ped by i n t he bl ur
t hat was r api dl y bec omi ng r out i ne. I t ook adv ant age of hi s br i ef paus e t o
t ak e a bi t e of my bagel .
" I s houl d hav e l et y ou dr i v e y our s el f t oday , " he announc ed, apr opos of
not hi ng, whi l e I c hewed.
" Why ?" I demanded.
" I ' m l eav i ng wi t h Al i c e af t er l unc h. "
" Oh. " I bl i nk ed, bewi l der ed and di s appoi nt ed. " That ' s ok ay , i t ' s not t hat
f ar of a wal k . "
He f r owned at me i mpat i ent l y . " I ' m not goi ng t o mak e y ou wal k home. We' l l
go get y our t r uc k and l eav e i t her e f or y ou. "
" I don' t hav e my k ey wi t h me, " I s i ghed. " I r eal l y don' t mi nd wal ki ng. "
What I mi nded was l os i ng my t i me wi t h hi m.
He s hook hi s head. " Your t r uc k wi l l be her e, and t he k ey wi l l be i n t he
i gni t i on — unl es s y ou' r e af r ai d someone mi ght s t eal i t . " He l aughed at
t he t hought .
" Al l r i ght , " I agr eed, pur s i ng my l i ps . I was pr et t y s ur e my k ey was i n
t he poc k et of a pai r of j eans I wor e Wednes day , under a pi l e of c l ot hes
i n t he l aundr y r oom. Ev en i f he br ok e i nt o my hous e, or what ev er he was
pl anni ng, he' d nev er f i nd i t . He s eemed t o f eel t he c hal l enge i n my
c ons ent . He s mi r k ed, ov er c onf i dent .
" So wher e ar e y ou goi ng?" I as k ed as c as ual l y as I c oul d manage.
" Hunt i ng, " he ans wer ed gr i ml y . " I f I ' m goi ng t o be al one wi t h y ou
t omor r ow, I ' m goi ng t o t ak e what ev er pr ec aut i ons I c an. " Hi s f ac e gr ew
mor os e… and pl eadi ng. " You c an al way s c anc el , y ou k now. "
I l ook ed down, af r ai d of t he per suas i v e power of hi s ey es . I r ef used t o
be c onv i nc ed t o f ear hi m, no mat t er how r eal t he danger mi ght be. I t
does n' t mat t er , I r epeat ed i n my head.
" No, " I whi s per ed, gl anc i ng bac k at hi s f ac e. " I c an' t . "
" Per haps y ou' r e r i ght , " he mur mur ed bl eak l y . Hi s ey es s eemed t o dar k en i n
c ol or as I wat c hed.
I c hanged t he s ubj ec t . " What t i me wi l l I s ee y ou t omor r ow?" I as k ed,
al r eady depr es s ed by t he t hought of hi m l eav i ng now.
" That depends … i t ' s a Sat ur day , don' t y ou want t o s l eep i n?" he of f er ed.
" No, " I ans wer ed t oo f as t . He r est r ai ned a s mi l e.
" The s ame t i me as us ual , t hen, " he dec i ded. " Wi l l Char l i e be t her e?"
" No, he' s f i s hi ng t omor r ow. " I beamed at t he memor y of how c onv eni ent l y
t hi ngs had wor k ed out .
Hi s v oi c e t ur ned s har p. " And i f you don' t c ome home, what wi l l he t hi nk ?"
" I hav e no i dea, " I ans wer ed c ool l y . " He k nows I ' v e been meani ng t o do
t he l aundr y . May be he' l l t hi nk I f el l i n t he was her . "
He s c owl ed at me and I s c owl ed bac k . Hi s anger was muc h mor e i mpr es s i v e
t han mi ne.
" What ar e y ou hunt i ng t oni ght ?" I as k ed when I was s ur e I had l os t t he
gl ower i ng c ont es t .
" What ev er we f i nd i n t he par k . We ar en' t goi ng f ar . " He s eemed bemus ed by
my c as ual r ef er enc e t o hi s s ec r et r eal i t i es .
" Why ar e y ou goi ng wi t h Al i c e?" I wonder ed.
" Al i c e i s t he mos t … s uppor t i v e. " He f r owned as he s pok e.
" And t he ot her s ?" I as k ed t i mi dl y. " What ar e t hey ?"
Hi s br ow puc k er ed f or a br i ef moment . " I nc r edul ous , f or t he mos t par t . "
I peek ed qui c k l y behi nd me at hi s f ami l y . They s at s t ar i ng of f i n
di f f er ent di r ec t i ons , ex ac t l y t he s ame as t he f i r s t t i me I ' d s een t hem.
Onl y now t hey wer e f our ; t hei r beaut i f ul , br onz e- hai r ed br ot her s at
ac r os s f r om me, hi s gol den ey es t r oubl ed.
" They don' t l i k e me, " I gues s ed.
" That ' s not i t , " he di s agr eed, but hi s ey es wer e t oo i nnoc ent . " They
don' t under s t and why I c an' t l eave y ou al one. "
I gr i mac ed. " Nei t her do I , f or t hat mat t er . "
Edwar d s hook hi s head s l owl y , r ol l i ng hi s ey es t owar d t he c ei l i ng bef or e
he met my gaz e agai n. " I t ol d y ou — y ou don' t s ee y our s el f c l ear l y at
al l . You' r e not l i k e any one I ' v e ev er k nown. You f as c i nat e me. "
I gl ar ed at hi m, s ur e he was t easi ng now.
He s mi l ed as he dec i pher ed my ex pr es s i on. " Hav i ng t he adv ant ages I do, "
he mur mur ed, t ouc hi ng hi s f or ehead di s c r eet l y , " I hav e a bet t er t han
av er age gr as p of human nat ur e. Peopl e ar e pr edi c t abl e. But y ou… y ou nev er
do what I ex pec t . You al way s t ak e me by s ur pr i s e. "
I l ook ed away , my ey es wander i ng bac k t o hi s f ami l y , embar r as s ed and
di s s at i s f i ed. Hi s wor ds made me f eel l i k e a s c i enc e ex per i ment . I want ed
t o l augh at my s el f f or ex pec t i ng any t hi ng el s e.
" That par t i s eas y enough t o ex pl ai n, " he c ont i nued. I f el t hi s eyes on
my f ac e but I c oul dn' t l ook at hi m y et , af r ai d he mi ght r ead t he chagr i n
i n my ey es . " But t her e' s mor e… and i t ' s not s o eas y t o put i nt o wor ds —"
I was s t i l l s t ar i ng at t he Cul l ens whi l e he s pok e. Suddenl y Ros al i e, hi s
bl ond and br eat ht ak i ng s i s t er , t ur ned t o l ook at me. No, not t o l ook — t o
gl ar e, wi t h dar k , c ol d ey es . I want ed t o l ook away , but her gaz e hel d me
unt i l Edwar d br ok e of f mi d- s ent enc e and made an angr y noi s e under hi s
br eat h. I t was al mos t a hi s s .
Ros al i e t ur ned her head, and I was r el i ev ed t o be f r ee. I l ook ed bac k at
Edwar d — and I k new he c oul d s ee t he c onf us i on and f ear t hat wi dened my
ey es .
Hi s f ac e was t i ght as he ex pl ai ned. " I ' m s or r y about t hat . She' s j us t
wor r i ed. You s ee… i t ' s danger ous f or mor e t han j us t me i f , af t er spendi ng
s o muc h t i me wi t h y ou s o publ i c l y…" He l ook ed down.
" I f ?"
" I f t hi s ends … badl y . " He dr opped hi s head i nt o hi s hands , as he had t hat
ni ght i n Por t Angel es . Hi s angui sh was pl ai n; I y ear ned t o c omf or t hi m,
but I was at a l os s t o k now how. My hand r eac hed t owar d hi m
i nv ol unt ar i l y ; qui c k l y , t hough, I dr opped i t t o t he t abl e, f ear i ng t hat
my t ouc h woul d onl y mak e t hi ngs wor s e. I r eal i z ed s l owl y t hat hi s wor ds
s houl d f r i ght en me. I wai t ed f or t hat f ear t o c ome, but al l I c oul d s eem
t o f eel was an ac he f or hi s pai n.
And f r us t r at i on — f r us t r at i on t hat Ros al i e had i nt er r upt ed what ev er he
was about t o s ay . I di dn' t k now how t o br i ng i t up agai n. He s t i l l had
hi s head i n hi s hands .
I t r i ed t o s peak i n a nor mal v oi ce. " And y ou hav e t o l eav e now?"
" Yes . " He r ai s ed hi s f ac e; i t was s er i ous f or a moment , and t hen hi s mood
s hi f t ed and he s mi l ed. " I t ' s pr obabl y f or t he bes t . We s t i l l hav e f i f t een
mi nut es of t hat wr et c hed mov i e l ef t t o endur e i n Bi ol ogy — I don' t t hi nk
I c oul d t ak e any mor e. "
I s t ar t ed. Al i c e — her s hor t , i nky hai r i n a hal o of s pi k y di s ar r ay
ar ound her ex qui s i t e, el f i n f ac e — was s uddenl y s t andi ng behi nd hi s
s houl der . Her s l i ght f r ame was wi l l owy , gr ac ef ul ev en i n abs ol ut e
s t i l l nes s .
He gr eet ed her wi t hout l ook i ng away f r om me. " Al i c e. "
" Edwar d, " s he ans wer ed, her hi gh s opr ano v oi c e al mos t as at t r ac t i ve as
hi s .
" Al i c e, Bel l a — Bel l a, Al i c e, " he i nt r oduc ed us , ges t ur i ng c as ual l y wi t h
hi s hand, a wr y s mi l e on hi s f ac e.
" Hel l o, Bel l a. " Her br i l l i ant obsi di an ey es wer e unr eadabl e, but her
s mi l e was f r i endl y . " I t ' s ni c e t o f i nal l y meet y ou. "
Edwar d f l as hed a dar k l ook at her .
" Hi , Al i c e, " I mur mur ed s hy l y .
" Ar e y ou r eady ?" s he as k ed hi m.
Hi s v oi c e was al oof . " Near l y . I ' l l meet y ou at t he c ar . "
She l ef t wi t hout anot her wor d; her wal k was s o f l ui d, s o s i nuous t hat I
f el t a s har p pang of j eal ous y .
" Shoul d I s ay ' hav e f un, ' or i s t hat t he wr ong s ent i ment ?" I as k ed,
t ur ni ng bac k t o hi m.
" No, ' hav e f un' wor k s as wel l as any t hi ng. " He gr i nned.
" Hav e f un, t hen. " I wor k ed t o s ound whol ehear t ed. Of c our s e I di dn' t f ool
hi m.
" I ' l l t r y . " He s t i l l gr i nned. " And y ou t r y t o be s af e, pl eas e. "
" Saf e i n For k s — what a c hal l enge. "
" For y ou i t i s a c hal l enge. " Hi s j aw har dened. " Pr omi s e. "
" I pr omi s e t o t r y t o be s af e, " I r ec i t ed. " I ' l l do t he l aundr y t oni ght —
t hat ought t o be f r aught wi t h per i l . "
" Don' t f al l i n, " he moc k ed.
" I ' l l do my bes t . "
He s t ood t hen, and I r os e, t oo.
" I ' l l s ee y ou t omor r ow, " I s i ghed.
" I t s eems l i k e a l ong t i me t o y ou, does n' t i t ?" he mus ed.
I nodded gl uml y .
" I ' l l be t her e i n t he mor ni ng, " he pr omi s ed, s mi l i ng hi s c r ook ed smi l e.
He r eac hed ac r os s t he t abl e t o t ouc h my f ac e, l i ght l y br us hi ng al ong my
c heek bone agai n. Then he t ur ned and wal k ed away . I s t ar ed af t er hi m unt i l
he was gone.
I was s or el y t empt ed t o di t c h t he r es t of t he day , at t he v er y l eas t Gy m,
but a war ni ng i ns t i nc t s t opped me. I k new t hat i f I di s appear ed now, Mi k e
and ot her s woul d as s ume I was wi t h Edwar d. And Edwar d was wor r i ed about
t he t i me we' d s pent t oget her publ i c l y … i f t hi ngs went wr ong. I r ef us ed t o
dwel l on t he l as t t hought , c onc ent r at i ng i ns t ead on mak i ng t hi ngs s af er
f or hi m.
I i nt ui t i v el y k new — and s ens ed he di d, t oo — t hat t omor r ow woul d be
pi v ot al . Our r el at i ons hi p c oul dn' t c ont i nue t o bal anc e, as i t di d, on t he
poi nt of a k ni f e. We woul d f al l of f one edge or t he ot her , dependi ng
ent i r el y upon hi s dec i s i on, or hi s i ns t i nc t s . My dec i s i on was made, made
bef or e I ' d ev er c ons c i ous l y c hos en, and I was c ommi t t ed t o s eei ng i t
t hr ough. Bec aus e t her e was not hi ng mor e t er r i f y i ng t o me, mor e
ex c r uc i at i ng, t han t he t hought of t ur ni ng away f r om hi m. I t was an
i mpos s i bi l i t y.
I went t o c l as s , f eel i ng dut i f ul . I c oul dn' t hones t l y s ay what happened
i n Bi ol ogy ; my mi nd was t oo pr eocc upi ed wi t h t hought s of t omor r ow. I n
Gy m, Mi k e was s peak i ng t o me agai n; he wi s hed me a good t i me i n Seat t l e.
I c ar ef ul l y ex pl ai ned t hat I ' d c anc el ed my t r i p, wor r i ed about my t r uc k .
" Ar e y ou goi ng t o t he danc e wi t h Cul l en?" he as k ed, s uddenl y s ul k y.
" No, I ' m not goi ng t o t he danc e at al l . "
" What ar e y ou doi ng, t hen?" he ask ed, t oo i nt er es t ed.
My nat ur al ur ge was t o t el l hi m t o but t out . I ns t ead, I l i ed br i ght l y .
" Laundr y , and t hen I hav e t o s t udy f or t he Tr i g t es t or I ' m goi ng t o
f ai l . "
" I s Cul l en hel pi ng y ou s t udy ?"
" Edwar d, " I emphas i z ed, " i s not goi ng t o hel p me s t udy . He' s gone away
s omewher e f or t he week end. " The l i es c ame mor e nat ur al l y t han us ual , I
not ed wi t h s ur pr i s e.
" Oh. " He per k ed up. " You k now, y ou c oul d c ome t o t he danc e wi t h our gr oup
any way — t hat woul d be c ool . We' d al l danc e wi t h y ou, " he pr omi s ed.
The ment al i mage of J es s i c a' s f ace made my t one s har per t han nec ess ar y .
" I ' m not goi ng t o t he danc e, Mi k e, ok ay ?"
" Fi ne. " He s ul k ed agai n. " I was j us t of f er i ng. "
When t he s c hool day had f i nal l y ended, I wal k ed t o t he par k i ng l ot
wi t hout ent hus i as m. I di d not es pec i al l y want t o wal k home, but I
c oul dn' t s ee how he woul d hav e r et r i ev ed my t r uc k . Then agai n, I was
s t ar t i ng t o bel i ev e t hat not hi ng was i mpos s i bl e f or hi m. The l at t er
i ns t i nc t pr ov ed c or r ec t — my t r uck s at i n t he s ame s pac e he' d par ked hi s
Vol v o i n t hi s mor ni ng. I s hook my head, i nc r edul ous , as I opened t he
unl oc k ed door and s aw t he k ey i n t he i gni t i on.
Ther e was a pi ec e of whi t e paper f ol ded on my s eat . I got i n and cl os ed
t he door bef or e I unf ol ded i t . Two wor ds wer e wr i t t en i n hi s el egant
s c r i pt .

Be s af e.
The s ound of t he t r uc k r oar i ng t o l i f e f r i ght ened me. I l aughed at my s el f .
When I got home, t he handl e of t he door was l oc k ed, t he dead bol t
unl oc k ed, j us t as I ' d l ef t i t t hi s mor ni ng. I ns i de, I went s t r ai ght t o
t he l aundr y r oom. I t l ook ed j us t t he s ame as I ' d l ef t i t , t oo. I dug f or
my j eans and, af t er f i ndi ng t hem, c hec k ed t he poc k et s . Empt y . May be I ' d
hung my k ey up af t er al l , I t hought , s hak i ng my head.
Fol l owi ng t he s ame i ns t i nc t t hat had pr ompt ed me t o l i e t o Mi k e, I c al l ed
J es s i c a on t he pr et ens e of wi s hi ng her l uc k at t he danc e. When s he
of f er ed t he s ame wi s h f or my day wi t h Edwar d, I t ol d her about t he
c anc el l at i on. She was mor e di s appoi nt ed t han r eal l y nec es s ar y f or a
t hi r d- par t y obs er v er t o be. I s ai d goodby e qui c k l y af t er t hat .
Char l i e was abs ent mi nded at di nner , wor r i ed ov er s omet hi ng at wor k, I
gues s ed, or may be a bas k et bal l game, or may be he was j us t r eal l y enj oy i ng
t he l as agna — i t was har d t o t el l wi t h Char l i e.
" You k now, Dad…" I began, br eak i ng i nt o hi s r ev er i e.
" What ' s t hat , Bel l ?"
" I t hi nk y ou' r e r i ght about Seat t l e. I t hi nk I ' l l wai t unt i l J es s i c a or
s omeone el s e c an go wi t h me. "
" Oh, " he s ai d, s ur pr i s ed. " Oh, okay . So, do y ou want me t o s t ay home?"
" No, Dad, don' t c hange y our pl ans. I ' v e got a mi l l i on t hi ngs t o do…
homewor k , l aundr y … I need t o go t o t he l i br ar y and t he gr oc er y s t or e.
I ' l l be i n and out al l day … y ou go and hav e f un. "
" Ar e y ou s ur e?"
" Abs ol ut el y , Dad. Bes i des , t he f r eez er i s get t i ng danger ous l y l ow on f i s h
— we' r e down t o a t wo, may be t hr ee y ear s ' s uppl y . "
" You' r e s ur e eas y t o l i v e wi t h, Bel l a. " He s mi l ed.
" I c oul d s ay t he s ame t hi ng about y ou, " I s ai d, l aughi ng. The s ound of my
l aught er was of f , but he di dn' t seem t o not i c e. I f el t s o gui l t y f or
dec ei v i ng hi m t hat I al mos t t ook Edwar d' s adv i c e and t ol d hi m wher e I
woul d be. Al mos t .
Af t er di nner , I f ol ded c l ot hes and mov ed anot her l oad t hr ough t he dr y er .
Unf or t unat el y i t was t he k i nd of j ob t hat onl y k eeps hands bus y . My mi nd
def i ni t el y had t oo muc h f r ee t i me, and i t was get t i ng out of c ont r ol . I
f l uc t uat ed bet ween ant i c i pat i on so i nt ens e t hat i t was v er y near l y pai n,
and an i ns i di ous f ear t hat pi c k ed at my r es ol v e. I had t o k eep r emi ndi ng
my s el f t hat I ' d made my c hoi c e, and I was n' t goi ng bac k on i t . I pul l ed
hi s not e out of my poc k et muc h mor e of t en t han nec es s ar y t o abs or b t he
t wo s mal l wor ds he' d wr i t t en. He want s me t o be s af e, I t ol d my s el f agai n
and agai n. I woul d j us t hol d on t o t he f ai t h t hat , i n t he end, t hat
des i r e woul d wi n out ov er t he ot her s . And what was my ot her c hoi c e — t o
c ut hi m out of my l i f e? I nt ol er abl e. Bes i des , s i nc e I ' d c ome t o For k s , i t
r eal l y s eemed l i k e my l i f e was about hi m.
But a t i ny v oi c e i n t he bac k of my mi nd wor r i ed, wonder i ng i f i t woul d
hur t v er y muc h… i f i t ended badl y.
I was r el i ev ed when i t was l at e enough t o be ac c ept abl e f or bedt i me. I
k new I was f ar t oo s t r es s ed t o s l eep, s o I di d s omet hi ng I ' d nev er done
bef or e. I del i ber at el y t ook unneces s ar y c ol d medi c i ne — t he k i nd t hat
k noc k ed me out f or a good ei ght hour s . I nor mal l y woul dn' t c ondone t hat
t y pe of behav i or i n my s el f , but t omor r ow woul d be c ompl i c at ed enough
wi t hout me bei ng l oopy f r om s l eep depr i v at i on on t op of ev er y t hi ng el s e.
Whi l e I wai t ed f or t he dr ugs t o ki c k i n, I dr i ed my c l ean hai r t i l l i t
was i mpec c abl y s t r ai ght , and f us sed ov er what I woul d wear t omor r ow. Wi t h
ev er y t hi ng r eady f or t he mor ni ng, I f i nal l y l ay i n my bed. I f el t hy per ;
I c oul dn' t s t op t wi t c hi ng. I got up and r i f l ed t hr ough my s hoebox of CDs
unt i l I f ound a c ol l ec t i on of Chopi n' s noc t ur nes . I put t hat on v er y
qui et l y and t hen l ay down agai n, c onc ent r at i ng on r el ax i ng i ndi v i dual
par t s of my body . Somewher e i n t he mi ddl e of t hat ex er c i s e, t he c ol d
pi l l s t ook ef f ec t , and I gl adl y sank i nt o unc ons c i ous nes s .

I wok e ear l y , hav i ng s l ept s oundl y and dr eaml es s l y t hank s t o my

gr at ui t ous dr ug us e. Though I was wel l r es t ed, I s l i pped r i ght back i nt o
t he s ame hec t i c f r enz y f r om t he ni ght bef or e. I dr es s ed i n a r us h,
s moot hi ng my c ol l ar agai ns t my nec k , f i dget i ng wi t h t he t an s weat er t i l l
i t hung r i ght ov er my j eans . I s neak ed a s wi f t l ook out t he wi ndow t o s ee
t hat Char l i e was al r eady gone. A t hi n, c ot t ony l ay er of c l ouds v ei l ed t he
s k y . They di dn' t l ook v er y l as t i ng.
I at e br eak f as t wi t hout t as t i ng t he f ood, hur r y i ng t o c l ean up when I was
done. I peek ed out t he wi ndow agai n, but not hi ng had c hanged. I had j us t
f i ni s hed br us hi ng my t eet h and was headi ng bac k downs t ai r s when a qui et
k noc k s ent my hear t t huddi ng agai ns t my r i b c age.
I f l ew t o t he door ; I had a l i t t l e t r oubl e wi t h t he s i mpl e dead bol t , but
I y ank ed t he door open at l as t , and t her e he was . Al l t he agi t at i on
di s s ol v ed as s oon as I l ook ed at hi s f ac e, c al m t ak i ng i t s pl ac e. I
br eat hed a s i gh of r el i ef — y es t er day ' s f ear s s eemed v er y f ool i s h wi t h
hi m her e.
He was n' t s mi l i ng at f i r s t — hi s f ac e was s omber . But t hen hi s ex pr es s i on
l i ght ened as he l ook ed me ov er , and he l aughed.
" Good mor ni ng, " he c huc k l ed.
" What ' s wr ong?" I gl anc ed down t o mak e s ur e I hadn' t f or got t en anyt hi ng
i mpor t ant , l i k e s hoes , or pant s .
" We mat c h. " He l aughed agai n. I r eal i z ed he had a l ong, l i ght t an s weat er
on, wi t h a whi t e c ol l ar s howi ng under neat h, and bl ue j eans . I l aughed
wi t h hi m, hi di ng a s ec r et t wi nge of r egr et — why di d he hav e t o l ook l i k e
a r unway model when I c oul dn' t?
I l oc k ed t he door behi nd me whi l e he wal k ed t o t he t r uc k . He wai t ed by
t he pas s enger door wi t h a mar t y r ed ex pr es s i on t hat was eas y t o under s t and.
" We made a deal , " I r emi nded hi m s mugl y , c l i mbi ng i nt o t he dr i v er ' s s eat ,
and r eac hi ng ov er t o unl oc k hi s door .
" Wher e t o?" I as k ed.
" Put y our s eat bel t on — I ' m ner vous al r eady . "
I gav e hi m a di r t y l ook as I c ompl i ed.
" Wher e t o?" I r epeat ed wi t h a s i gh.
" Tak e t he one- oh- one nor t h, " he or der ed.
I t was s ur pr i s i ngl y di f f i c ul t t o c onc ent r at e on t he r oad whi l e f eel i ng
hi s gaz e on my f ac e. I c ompens at ed by dr i v i ng mor e c ar ef ul l y t han us ual
t hr ough t he s t i l l - s l eepi ng t own.
" Wer e y ou pl anni ng t o mak e i t out of For k s bef or e ni ght f al l ?"
" Thi s t r uc k i s ol d enough t o be your c ar ' s gr andf at her — hav e s ome
r es pec t , " I r et or t ed.
We wer e s oon out of t he t own l i mi t s , des pi t e hi s negat i v i t y . Thi c k
under br us h and gr een- s wat hed t r unk s r epl ac ed t he l awns and hous es .
" Tur n r i ght on t he one- t en, " he i ns t r uc t ed j us t as I was about t o as k . I
obey ed s i l ent l y .
" Now we dr i v e unt i l t he pav ement ends . "
I c oul d hear a s mi l e i n hi s v oi c e, but I was t oo af r ai d of dr i v i ng of f
t he r oad and pr ov i ng hi m r i ght t o l ook ov er and be s ur e.
" And what ' s t her e, at t he pav ement ' s end?" I wonder ed.
" A t r ai l . "
" We' r e hi k i ng?" Thank goodnes s I ' d wor n t enni s s hoes .
" I s t hat a pr obl em?" He s ounded as i f he' d ex pec t ed as muc h.
" No. " I t r i ed t o mak e t he l i e s ound c onf i dent . But i f he t hought my t r uc k
was s l ow…
" Don' t wor r y , i t ' s onl y f i v e mi l es or s o, and we' r e i n no hur r y . "
Fi v e mi l es . I di dn' t ans wer , s o t hat he woul dn' t hear my v oi c e c r ac k i n
pani c . Fi v e mi l es of t r eac her ous r oot s and l oos e s t ones , t r y i ng t o t wi s t
my ank l es or ot her wi s e i nc apac i t at e me. Thi s was goi ng t o be humi l i at i ng.
We dr ov e i n s i l enc e f or a whi l e as I c ont empl at ed t he c omi ng hor r or .
" What ar e y ou t hi nk i ng?" he as k ed i mpat i ent l y af t er a f ew moment s .
I l i ed agai n. " J us t wonder i ng wher e we' r e goi ng. "
" I t ' s a pl ac e I l i k e t o go when t he weat her i s ni c e. " We bot h gl anc ed out
t he wi ndows at t he t hi nni ng c l ouds af t er he s pok e.
" Char l i e s ai d i t woul d be war m t oday . "
" And di d y ou t el l Char l i e what y ou wer e up t o?" he as k ed.
" Nope. "
" But J es s i c a t hi nk s we' r e goi ng t o Seat t l e t oget her ?" He s eemed c heer ed
by t he i dea.
" No, I t ol d her y ou c anc el ed on me — whi c h i s t r ue. "
" No one k nows y ou' r e wi t h me?" Angr i l y , now.
" That depends … I as s ume y ou t ol d Al i c e?"
" That ' s v er y hel pf ul , Bel l a, " he s napped.
I pr et ended I di dn' t hear t hat .
" Ar e y ou s o depr es s ed by For k s t hat i t ' s made y ou s ui c i dal ?" he demanded
when I i gnor ed hi m.
" You s ai d i t mi ght c aus e t r oubl e f or y ou… us bei ng t oget her publ i cl y , " I
r emi nded hi m.
" So y ou' r e wor r i ed about t he t r oubl e i t mi ght c aus e me— i f y ou don' t c ome
home?" Hi s v oi c e was s t i l l angr y , and bi t i ngl y s ar c as t i c .
I nodded, k eepi ng my ey es on t he r oad.
He mut t er ed s omet hi ng under hi s br eat h, s peak i ng s o qui c k l y t hat I
c oul dn' t under s t and.
We wer e s i l ent f or t he r es t of t he dr i v e. I c oul d f eel t he wav es of
i nf ur i at ed di s appr ov al r ol l i ng of f of hi m, and I c oul d t hi nk of not hi ng
t o s ay .
And t hen t he r oad ended, c ons t r i ct i ng t o a t hi n f oot t r ai l wi t h a s mal l
wooden mar k er . I par k ed on t he nar r ow s houl der and s t epped out , af r ai d
bec aus e he was angr y wi t h me and I di dn' t hav e dr i v i ng as an ex c use not
t o l ook at hi m. I t was war m now, war mer t han i t had been i n For k s s i nc e
t he day I ' d ar r i v ed, al mos t muggy under t he c l ouds . I pul l ed of f my
s weat er and k not t ed i t ar ound my wai s t , gl ad t hat I ' d wor n t he l i ght ,
s l eev el es s s hi r t — es pec i al l y i f I had f i v e mi l es of hi k i ng ahead of me.
I hear d hi s door s l am, and l ook ed ov er t o s ee t hat he' d r emov ed hi s
s weat er , t oo. He was f ac i ng away f r om me, i nt o t he unbr ok en f or es t bes i de
my t r uc k .
" Thi s way , " he s ai d, gl anc i ng ov er hi s s houl der at me, ey es s t i l l
annoy ed. He s t ar t ed i nt o t he dar k f or es t .
" The t r ai l ?" Pani c was c l ear i n my v oi c e as I hur r i ed ar ound t he t r uc k t o
c at c h up t o hi m.
" I s ai d t her e was a t r ai l at t he end of t he r oad, not t hat we wer e t ak i ng
it."
" No t r ai l ?" I as k ed des per at el y .
" I won' t l et y ou get l os t . " He t ur ned t hen, wi t h a moc k i ng s mi l e, and I
s t i f l ed a gas p. Hi s whi t e s hi r t was s l eev el es s , and he wor e i t
unbut t oned, s o t hat t he s moot h whi t e s k i n of hi s t hr oat f l owed
uni nt er r upt ed ov er t he mar bl e c ont our s of hi s c hes t , hi s per f ec t
mus c ul at ur e no l onger mer el y hi nt ed at behi nd c onc eal i ng c l ot hes . He was
t oo per f ec t , I r eal i z ed wi t h a pi er c i ng s t ab of des pai r . Ther e was no way
t hi s godl i k e c r eat ur e c oul d be meant f or me.
He s t ar ed at me, bewi l der ed by my t or t ur ed ex pr es s i on.
" Do y ou want t o go home?" he s ai d qui et l y , a di f f er ent pai n t han mi ne
s at ur at i ng hi s v oi c e.
" No. " I wal k ed f or war d t i l l I was c l os e bes i de hi m, anx i ous not t o was t e
one s ec ond of what ev er t i me I mi ght hav e wi t h hi m.
" What ' s wr ong?" he as k ed, hi s v oi c e gent l e.
" I ' m not a good hi k er , " I ans wer ed dul l y . " You' l l hav e t o be v er y
pat i ent . "
" I c an be pat i ent — i f I mak e a gr eat ef f or t . " He s mi l ed, hol di ng my
gl anc e, t r y i ng t o l i f t me out of my s udden, unex pl ai ned dej ec t i on.
I t r i ed t o s mi l e bac k , but t he s mi l e was unc onv i nc i ng. He s c r ut i ni z ed my
f ac e.
"I ' l l t ak e y ou home, " he pr omi s ed. I c oul dn' t t el l i f t he pr omi s e was
unc ondi t i onal , or r es t r i c t ed t o an i mmedi at e depar t ur e. I k new he t hought
i t was f ear t hat ups et me, and I was gr at ef ul agai n t hat I was t he one
per s on whos e mi nd he c oul dn' t hear .
" I f y ou want me t o hac k f i v e mi l es t hr ough t he j ungl e bef or e s undown,
y ou' d bet t er s t ar t l eadi ng t he way , " I s ai d ac i dl y . He f r owned at me,
s t r uggl i ng t o under s t and my t one and ex pr es s i on.
He gav e up af t er a moment and l ed t he way i nt o t he f or es t .
I t was n' t as har d as I had f ear ed. The way was mos t l y f l at , and he hel d
t he damp f er ns and webs of mos s as i de f or me. When hi s s t r ai ght pat h t ook
us ov er f al l en t r ees or boul der s , he woul d hel p me, l i f t i ng me by t he
el bow, and t hen r el eas i ng me i ns t ant l y when I was c l ear . Hi s c ol d t ouc h
on my s k i n nev er f ai l ed t o mak e my hear t t hud er r at i c al l y . Twi c e, when
t hat happened, I c aught a l ook on hi s f ac e t hat made me s ur e he c oul d
s omehow hear i t .
I t r i ed t o k eep my ey es away f r om hi s per f ec t i on as muc h as pos s i bl e, but
I s l i pped of t en. Eac h t i me, hi s beaut y pi er c ed me t hr ough wi t h s adnes s .
For t he mos t par t , we wal k ed i n si l enc e. Oc c as i onal l y he woul d as k a
r andom ques t i on t hat he hadn' t got t en t o i n t he pas t t wo day s of
i nt er r ogat i on. He as k ed about my bi r t hday s , my gr ade s c hool t eac her s , my
c hi l dhood pet s — and I had t o admi t t hat af t er k i l l i ng t hr ee f i s h i n a
r ow, I ' d gi v en up on t he whol e i ns t i t ut i on. He l aughed at t hat , l ouder
t han I was us ed t o — bel l - l i k e echoes bounc i ng bac k t o us f r om t he empt y
woods .
The hi k e t ook me mos t of t he mor ni ng, but he nev er s howed any s i gn of
i mpat i enc e. The f or es t s pr ead out ar ound us i n a boundl es s l aby r i nt h of
anc i ent t r ees , and I began t o be ner v ous t hat we woul d nev er f i nd our way
out agai n. He was per f ec t l y at eas e, c omf or t abl e i n t he gr een maz e, nev er
s eemi ng t o f eel any doubt about our di r ec t i on.
Af t er s ev er al hour s , t he l i ght t hat f i l t er ed t hr ough t he c anopy
t r ans f or med, t he mur k y ol i v e t one s hi f t i ng t o a br i ght er j ade. The day
had t ur ned s unny , j us t as he' d f or et ol d. For t he f i r s t t i me s i nc e we' d
ent er ed t he woods , I f el t a t hr i l l of ex c i t ement — whi c h qui c k l y t ur ned
t o i mpat i enc e.
" Ar e we t her e y et ?" I t eas ed, pr et endi ng t o s c owl .
" Near l y . " He s mi l ed at t he c hange i n my mood. " Do y ou s ee t he br i ght nes s
ahead?"
I peer ed i nt o t he t hi c k f or es t . " Um, s houl d I ?"
He s mi r k ed. " May be i t ' s a bi t s oon f or y our ey es . "
" Ti me t o v i s i t t he opt omet r i s t , " I mut t er ed. Hi s s mi r k gr ew mor e
pr onounc ed.
But t hen, af t er anot her hundr ed yar ds , I c oul d def i ni t el y s ee a
l i ght eni ng i n t he t r ees ahead, a gl ow t hat was y el l ow i ns t ead of gr een. I
pi c k ed up t he pac e, my eager nes s gr owi ng wi t h ev er y s t ep. He l et me l ead
now, f ol l owi ng noi s el es s l y .
I r eac hed t he edge of t he pool of l i ght and s t epped t hr ough t he l as t
f r i nge of f er ns i nt o t he l ov el i est pl ac e I had ev er s een. The meadow was
s mal l , per f ec t l y r ound, and f i l l ed wi t h wi l df l ower s — v i ol et , y el l ow, and
s of t whi t e. Somewher e near by , I coul d hear t he bubbl i ng mus i c of a
s t r eam. The s un was di r ec t l y ov er head, f i l l i ng t he c i r c l e wi t h a haz e of
but t er y s uns hi ne. I wal k ed s l owl y, awes t r uc k , t hr ough t he s of t gr as s ,
s way i ng f l ower s , and war m, gi l ded ai r . I hal f way t ur ned, want i ng t o s har e
t hi s wi t h hi m, but he was n' t behi nd me wher e I t hought he' d be. I s pun
ar ound, s ear c hi ng f or hi m wi t h s udden al ar m. Fi nal l y I s pot t ed hi m, s t i l l
under t he dens e s hade of t he c anopy at t he edge of t he hol l ow, wat c hi ng
me wi t h c aut i ous ey es . Onl y t hen di d I r emember what t he beaut y of t he
meadow had dr i v en f r om my mi nd — t he eni gma of Edwar d and t he s un, whi c h
he' d pr omi s ed t o i l l us t r at e f or me t oday .
I t ook a s t ep bac k t owar d hi m, my ey es al i ght wi t h c ur i os i t y . Hi s ey es
wer e war y , r el uc t ant . I s mi l ed enc our agi ngl y and bec k oned t o hi m wi t h my
hand, t ak i ng anot her s t ep bac k t o hi m. He hel d up a hand i n war ni ng, and
I hes i t at ed, r oc k i ng bac k ont o my heel s .
Edwar d s eemed t o t ak e a deep br eat h, and t hen he s t epped out i nt o t he
br i ght gl ow of t he mi dday s un.
===========================================================================

13. CONFESSI ONS

Edwar d i n t he s unl i ght was s hoc k i ng. I c oul dn' t get us ed t o i t , t hough
I ' d been s t ar i ng at hi m al l af t er noon. Hi s s k i n, whi t e des pi t e t he f ai nt
f l us h f r om y es t er day ' s hunt i ng t r i p, l i t er al l y s par k l ed, l i k e t hous ands
of t i ny di amonds wer e embedded i n t he s ur f ac e. He l ay per f ec t l y s t i l l i n
t he gr as s , hi s s hi r t open ov er hi s s c ul pt ed, i nc andes c ent c hes t , hi s
s c i nt i l l at i ng ar ms bar e. Hi s gl i st eni ng, pal e l av ender l i ds wer e shut ,
t hough of c our s e he di dn' t s l eep. A per f ec t s t at ue, c ar v ed i n s ome
unk nown s t one, s moot h l i k e mar bl e, gl i t t er i ng l i k e c r y s t al .
Now and t hen, hi s l i ps woul d mov e, s o f as t i t l ook ed l i k e t hey wer e
t r embl i ng. But , when I as k ed, he t ol d me he was s i ngi ng t o hi ms el f ; i t
was t oo l ow f or me t o hear .
I enj oy ed t he s un, t oo, t hough t he ai r was n' t qui t e dr y enough f or my
t as t e. I woul d hav e l i k ed t o l i e bac k , as he di d, and l et t he s un war m my
f ac e. But I s t ay ed c ur l ed up, my c hi n r es t i ng on my k nees , unwi l l i ng t o
t ak e my ey es of f hi m. The wi nd was gent l e; i t t angl ed my hai r and r uf f l ed
t he gr as s t hat s way ed ar ound hi s mot i onl es s f or m.
The meadow, s o s pec t ac ul ar t o me at f i r s t , pal ed nex t t o hi s magni f i c enc e.
Hes i t ant l y , al way s af r ai d, ev en now, t hat he woul d di s appear l i k e a
mi r age, t oo beaut i f ul t o be r eal … hes i t ant l y , I r eac hed out one f i nger
and s t r ok ed t he bac k of hi s s hi mmer i ng hand, wher e i t l ay wi t hi n my
r eac h. I mar v el ed agai n at t he per f ec t t ex t ur e, s at i n s moot h, c ool as
s t one. When I l ook ed up agai n, hi s ey es wer e open, wat c hi ng me.
But t er s c ot c h t oday , l i ght er , war mer af t er hunt i ng. Hi s qui c k s mi l e t ur ned
up t he c or ner s of hi s f l awl es s l i ps .
" I don' t s c ar e y ou?" he as k ed pl ay f ul l y , but I c oul d hear t he r eal
c ur i os i t y i n hi s s of t v oi c e.
" No mor e t han us ual . "
He s mi l ed wi der ; hi s t eet h f l as hed i n t he s un.
I i nc hed c l os er , s t r et c hed out my whol e hand now t o t r ac e t he c ont our s of
hi s f or ear m wi t h my f i nger t i ps . I s aw t hat my f i nger s t r embl ed, and k new
i t woul dn' t es c ape hi s not i c e.
" Do y ou mi nd?" I as k ed, f or he had c l os ed hi s ey es agai n.
" No, " he s ai d wi t hout openi ng hi s ey es . " You c an' t i magi ne how t hat
f eel s . " He s i ghed.
I l i ght l y t r ai l ed my hand ov er t he per f ec t mus c l es of hi s ar m, f ol l owed
t he f ai nt pat t er n of bl ui s h v ei ns i ns i de t he c r eas e at hi s el bow. Wi t h my
ot her hand, I r eac hed t o t ur n hi s hand ov er . Real i z i ng what I wi s hed, he
f l i pped hi s pal m up i n one of t hos e bl i ndi ngl y f as t , di s c onc er t i ng
mov ement s of hi s . I t s t ar t l ed me; my f i nger s f r oz e on hi s ar m f or a br i ef
s ec ond.
" Sor r y , " he mur mur ed. I l ook ed up i n t i me t o s ee hi s gol den ey es cl os e
agai n. " I t ' s t oo eas y t o be my s el f wi t h y ou. "
I l i f t ed hi s hand, t ur ni ng i t t hi s way and t hat as I wat c hed t he sun
gl i t t er on hi s pal m. I hel d i t c l os er t o my f ac e, t r y i ng t o s ee t he
hi dden f ac et s i n hi s s k i n.
" Tel l me what y ou' r e t hi nk i ng, " he whi s per ed. I l ook ed t o s ee hi s ey es
wat c hi ng me, s uddenl y i nt ent . " I t ' s s t i l l s o s t r ange f or me, not knowi ng. "
" You k now, t he r es t of us f eel t hat way al l t he t i me. "
" I t ' s a har d l i f e. " Di d I i magi ne t he hi nt of r egr et i n hi s t one? " But
y ou di dn' t t el l me. "
" I was wi s hi ng I c oul d k now what y ou wer e t hi nk i ng…" I hes i t at ed.
" And?"
" I was wi s hi ng t hat I c oul d bel i ev e t hat y ou wer e r eal . And I was wi s hi ng
t hat I was n' t af r ai d. "
" I don' t want y ou t o be af r ai d. " Hi s v oi c e was j us t a s of t mur mur . I
hear d what he c oul dn' t t r ut hf ul l y s ay , t hat I di dn' t need t o be af r ai d,
t hat t her e was not hi ng t o f ear .
" Wel l , t hat ' s not ex ac t l y t he f ear I meant , t hough t hat ' s c er t ai nl y
s omet hi ng t o t hi nk about . "
So qui c k l y t hat I mi s s ed hi s mov ement , he was hal f s i t t i ng, pr opped up on
hi s r i ght ar m, hi s l ef t pal m s t i l l i n my hands . Hi s angel ' s f ac e was onl y
a f ew i nc hes f r om mi ne. I mi ght hav e — s houl d hav e — f l i nc hed away f r om
hi s unex pec t ed c l os enes s , but I was unabl e t o mov e. Hi s gol den ey es
mes mer i z ed me.
" What ar e y ou af r ai d of , t hen?" he whi s per ed i nt ent l y .
But I c oul dn' t ans wer . As I had j us t t hat onc e bef or e, I s mel l ed hi s c ool
br eat h i n my f ac e. Sweet , del i c i ous , t he s c ent made my mout h wat er . I t
was unl i k e any t hi ng el s e. I ns t i nct i v el y , unt hi nk i ngl y , I l eaned c l os er ,
i nhal i ng.
And he was gone, hi s hand r i pped f r om mi ne. I n t he t i me i t t ook my ey es
t o f oc us , he was t went y f eet away, s t andi ng at t he edge of t he s mal l
meadow, i n t he deep s hade of a huge f i r t r ee. He s t ar ed at me, hi s ey es
dar k i n t he s hadows , hi s ex pr es s i on unr eadabl e.
I c oul d f eel t he hur t and s hoc k on my f ac e. My empt y hands s t ung.
" I ' m… s or r y … Edwar d, " I whi s per ed. I k new he c oul d hear .
" Gi v e me a moment , " he c al l ed, j us t l oud enough f or my l es s s ens i t i v e
ear s . I s at v er y s t i l l .
Af t er t en i nc r edi bl y l ong s ec onds, he wal k ed bac k , s l owl y f or hi m. He
s t opped, s t i l l s ev er al f eet away , and s ank gr ac ef ul l y t o t he gr ound,
c r os s i ng hi s l egs . Hi s ey es nev er l ef t mi ne. He t ook t wo deep br eat hs ,
and t hen s mi l ed i n apol ogy .
" I am s o v er y s or r y . " He hes i t at ed. " Woul d y ou under s t and what I meant i f
I s ai d I was onl y human?"
I nodded onc e, not qui t e abl e t o s mi l e at hi s j ok e. Adr enal i ne pul s ed
t hr ough my v ei ns as t he r eal i z at i on of danger s l owl y s ank i n. He coul d
s mel l t hat f r om wher e he s at . Hi s s mi l e t ur ned moc k i ng.
" I ' m t he wor l d' s bes t pr edat or , ar en' t I ? Ev er y t hi ng about me i nv i t es y ou
i n — my v oi c e, my f ac e, ev en my smel l . As i f I need any of t hat !"
Unex pec t edl y , he was on hi s f eet , boundi ng away , i ns t ant l y out of s i ght ,
onl y t o appear beneat h t he s ame t r ee as bef or e, hav i ng c i r c l ed t he meadow
i n hal f a s ec ond.
" As i f y ou c oul d out r un me, " he l aughed bi t t er l y .
He r eac hed up wi t h one hand and, wi t h a deaf eni ng c r ac k , ef f or t l ess l y
r i pped a t wo- f oot - t hi c k br anc h f r om t he t r unk of t he s pr uc e. He bal anc ed
i t i n t hat hand f or a moment , and t hen t hr ew i t wi t h bl i ndi ng s peed,
s hat t er i ng i t agai ns t anot her huge t r ee, whi c h s hook and t r embl ed at t he
bl ow.
And he was i n f r ont of me agai n, s t andi ng t wo f eet away , s t i l l as a s t one.
" As i f y ou c oul d f i ght me of f , " he s ai d gent l y .
I s at wi t hout mov i ng, mor e f r i ght ened of hi m t han I had ev er been. I ' d
nev er s een hi m s o c ompl et el y f r eed of t hat c ar ef ul l y c ul t i v at ed f ac ade.
He' d nev er been l es s human… or mor e beaut i f ul . Fac e as hen, ey es wi de, I
s at l i k e a bi r d l oc k ed i n t he ey es of a s nak e.
Hi s l ov el y ey es s eem t o gl ow wi t h r as h ex c i t ement . Then, as t he s ec onds
pas s ed, t hey di mmed. Hi s ex pr es s i on s l owl y f ol ded i nt o a mas k of anc i ent
s adnes s .
" Don' t be af r ai d, " he mur mur ed, hi s v el v et v oi c e uni nt ent i onal l y
s educ t i v e. " I pr omi s e…" He hes i t at ed. " I s wear not t o hur t y ou. " He
s eemed mor e c onc er ned wi t h c onv i nc i ng hi ms el f t han me.
" Don' t be af r ai d, " he whi s per ed agai n as he s t epped c l os er , wi t h
ex agger at ed s l ownes s . He s at s i nuous l y , wi t h del i ber at el y unhur r i ed
mov ement s , t i l l our f ac es wer e on t he s ame l ev el , j us t a f oot apar t .
" Pl eas e f or gi v e me, " he s ai d f or mal l y . " I c an c ont r ol my s el f . You c aught
me of f guar d. But I ' m on my bes t behav i or now. "
He wai t ed, but I s t i l l c oul dn' t speak .
" I ' m not t hi r s t y t oday , hones t l y . " He wi nk ed.
At t hat I had t o l augh, t hough t he s ound was s hak y and br eat hl es s .
" Ar e y ou al l r i ght ?" he as k ed t ender l y , r eac hi ng out s l owl y , c ar ef ul l y ,
t o pl ac e hi s mar bl e hand bac k i n mi ne.
I l ook ed at hi s s moot h, c ol d hand, and t hen at hi s ey es . They wer e s of t ,
r epent ant . I l ook ed bac k at hi s hand, and t hen del i ber at el y r et ur ned t o
t r ac i ng t he l i nes i n hi s hand wi t h my f i nger t i p. I l ook ed up and smi l ed
t i mi dl y .
Hi s ans wer i ng s mi l e was daz z l i ng.
" So wher e wer e we, bef or e I behaved s o r udel y ?" he as k ed i n t he gent l e
c adenc es of an ear l i er c ent ur y .
" I hones t l y c an' t r emember . "
He s mi l ed, but hi s f ac e was as hamed. " I t hi nk we wer e t al k i ng about why
y ou wer e af r ai d, bes i des t he obv i ous r eas on. "
" Oh, r i ght . "
" Wel l ?"
I l ook ed down at hi s hand and doodl ed ai ml es s l y ac r os s hi s s moot h,
i r i des c ent pal m. The s ec onds t i c ked by .
" How eas i l y f r us t r at ed I am, " he s i ghed. I l ook ed i nt o hi s ey es , abr upt l y
gr as pi ng t hat t hi s was ev er y bi t as new t o hi m as i t was t o me. As many
y ear s of unf at homabl e ex per i enc e as he had, t hi s was har d f or hi m, t oo. I
t ook c our age f r om t hat t hought .
" I was af r ai d… bec aus e, f or , wel l , obv i ous r eas ons , I c an' t s t ay wi t h
y ou. And I ' m af r ai d t hat I ' d l i k e t o s t ay wi t h y ou, muc h mor e t han I
s houl d. " I l ook ed down at hi s hands as I s pok e. I t was di f f i c ul t f or me
t o s ay t hi s al oud.
" Yes , " he agr eed s l owl y . " That i s s omet hi ng t o be af r ai d of , i ndeed.
Want i ng t o be wi t h me. That ' s r eal l y not i n y our bes t i nt er es t . "
I f r owned.
" I s houl d hav e l ef t l ong ago, " he s i ghed. " I s houl d l eav e now. But I
don' t k now i f I c an. "
" I don' t want y ou t o l eav e, " I mumbl ed pat het i c al l y , s t ar i ng down agai n.
" Whi c h i s ex ac t l y why I s houl d. But don' t wor r y . I ' m es s ent i al l y a
s el f i s h c r eat ur e. I c r av e y our c ompany t oo muc h t o do what I s houl d. "
" I ' m gl ad. "
" Don' t be! " He wi t hdr ew hi s hand, mor e gent l y t hi s t i me; hi s v oi c e was
har s her t han us ual . Har s h f or hi m, s t i l l mor e beaut i f ul t han any human
v oi c e. I t was har d t o k eep up — hi s s udden mood c hanges l ef t me al way s a
s t ep behi nd, daz ed.
" I t ' s not onl y y our c ompany I c r av e! Nev er f or get t hat . Nev er f or get I am
mor e danger ous t o y ou t han I am t o any one el s e. " He s t opped, and I l ook ed
t o s ee hi m gaz i ng uns eei ngl y i nt o t he f or es t .
I t hought f or a moment .
" I don' t t hi nk I under s t and ex ac t l y what y ou mean — by t hat l as t par t
any way , " I s ai d.
He l ook ed bac k at me and s mi l ed, hi s mood s hi f t i ng y et agai n.
" How do I ex pl ai n?" he mus ed. " And wi t hout f r i ght eni ng y ou agai n… hmmmm. "
Wi t hout s eemi ng t o t hi nk about i t , he pl ac ed hi s hand bac k i n mi ne; I
hel d i t t i ght l y i n bot h of mi ne. He l ook ed at our hands .
" That ' s amaz i ngl y pl eas ant , t he war mt h. " He s i ghed.
A moment pas s ed as he as s embl ed hi s t hought s .
" You k now how ev er y one enj oy s di f f er ent f l av or s ?" he began. " Some peopl e
l ov e c hoc ol at e i c e c r eam, ot her s pr ef er s t r awber r y ?"
I nodded.
" Sor r y about t he f ood anal ogy — I c oul dn' t t hi nk of anot her way t o
ex pl ai n. "
I s mi l ed. He s mi l ed r uef ul l y bac k.
" You s ee, ev er y per s on s mel l s di f f er ent , has a di f f er ent es s enc e. I f y ou
l oc k ed an al c ohol i c i n a r oom f ul l of s t al e beer , he' d gl adl y dr i nk i t .
But he c oul d r es i s t , i f he wi s hed t o, i f he wer e a r ec ov er i ng al c ohol i c .
Now l et ' s s ay y ou pl ac ed i n t hat r oom a gl as s of hundr ed- y ear - ol d br andy ,
t he r ar es t , f i nes t c ognac — and f i l l ed t he r oom wi t h i t s war m ar oma — how
do y ou t hi nk he woul d f ar e t hen?"
We s at s i l ent l y , l ook i ng i nt o each ot her ' s ey es — t r y i ng t o r ead eac h
ot her ' s t hought s .
He br ok e t he s i l enc e f i r s t .
" May be t hat ' s not t he r i ght c ompar i s on. May be i t woul d be t oo eas y t o
t ur n down t he br andy . Per haps I shoul d hav e made our al c ohol i c a her oi n
addi c t i ns t ead. "
" So what y ou' r e s ay i ng i s , I ' m y our br and of her oi n?" I t eas ed, t r y i ng t o
l i ght en t he mood.
He s mi l ed s wi f t l y , s eemi ng t o appr ec i at e my ef f or t . " Yes , y ou ar e ex ac t l y
my br and of her oi n. "
" Does t hat happen of t en?" I as k ed.
He l ook ed ac r os s t he t r eet ops , t hi nk i ng t hr ough hi s r es pons e.
" I s pok e t o my br ot her s about i t . " He s t i l l s t ar ed i nt o t he di s t anc e. " To
J as per , ev er y one of y ou i s muc h t he s ame. He' s t he mos t r ec ent t o j oi n
our f ami l y . I t ' s a s t r uggl e f or hi m t o abs t ai n at al l . He has n' t had t i me
t o gr ow s ens i t i v e t o t he di f f er enc es i n s mel l , i n f l av or . " He gl anc ed
s wi f t l y at me, hi s ex pr es s i on apol oget i c .
" Sor r y , " he s ai d.
" I don' t mi nd. Pl eas e don' t wor r y about of f endi ng me, or f r i ght eni ng me,
or whi c hev er . That ' s t he way y ou t hi nk . I c an under s t and, or I c an t r y t o
at l eas t . J us t ex pl ai n howev er y ou c an. "
He t ook a deep br eat h and gaz ed at t he s k y agai n.
" So J as per was n' t s ur e i f he' d ever c ome ac r os s s omeone who was as" — he
hes i t at ed, l ook i ng f or t he r i ght wor d — " appeal i ng as y ou ar e t o me.
Whi c h mak es me t hi nk not . Emmet t has been on t he wagon l onger , s o t o
s peak , and he under s t ood what I meant . He s ay s t wi c e, f or hi m, once
s t r onger t han t he ot her . "
" And f or y ou?"
" Nev er . "
The wor d hung t her e f or a moment i n t he war m br eez e.
" What di d Emmet t do?" I as k ed t o br eak t he s i l enc e.
I t was t he wr ong ques t i on t o as k . Hi s f ac e gr ew dar k , hi s hand c l enc hed
i nt o a f i s t i ns i de mi ne. He l ook ed away . I wai t ed, but he was n' t goi ng t o
ans wer .
" I gues s I k now, " I f i nal l y s ai d.
He l i f t ed hi s ey es ; hi s ex pr es s i on was wi s t f ul , pl eadi ng.
" Ev en t he s t r onges t of us f al l of f t he wagon, don' t we?"
" What ar e y ou as k i ng? My per mi s s i on?" My v oi c e was s har per t han I ' d
i nt ended. I t r i ed t o mak e my t one k i nder — I c oul d gues s what hi s hones t y
mus t c os t hi m. " I mean, i s t her e no hope, t hen?" How c al ml y I c oul d
di s c us s my own deat h!
" No, no! " He was i ns t ant l y c ont r i t e. " Of c our s e t her e' s hope! I mean, of
c our s e I won' t …" He l ef t t he s ent enc e hangi ng. Hi s ey es bur ned i nt o mi ne.
" I t ' s di f f er ent f or us . Emmet t … t hes e wer e s t r anger s he happened ac r os s .
I t was a l ong t i me ago, and he was n' t as … pr ac t i c ed, as c ar ef ul , as he i s
now. "
He f el l s i l ent and wat c hed me i nt ent l y as I t hought i t t hr ough.
" So i f we' d met … oh, i n a dar k al l ey or s omet hi ng…" I t r ai l ed of f .
" I t t ook ev er y t hi ng I had not t o j ump up i n t he mi ddl e of t hat c l as s f ul l
of c hi l dr en and —" He s t opped abr upt l y , l ook i ng away . " When y ou wal k ed
pas t me, I c oul d hav e r ui ned ev er y t hi ng Car l i s l e has bui l t f or us , r i ght
t hen and t her e. I f I hadn' t been deny i ng my t hi r s t f or t he l as t , wel l ,
t oo many y ear s , I woul dn' t hav e been abl e t o s t op my s el f . " He paused,
s c owl i ng at t he t r ees .
He gl anc ed at me gr i ml y , bot h of us r emember i ng. " You mus t hav e t hought I
was pos s es s ed. "
" I c oul dn' t under s t and why . How you c oul d hat e me s o qui c k l y …"
" To me, i t was l i k e y ou wer e s ome k i nd of demon, s ummoned s t r ai ght f r om
my own per s onal hel l t o r ui n me. The f r agr anc e c omi ng of f y our s k i n… I
t hought i t woul d mak e me der anged t hat f i r s t day . I n t hat one hour , I
t hought of a hundr ed di f f er ent way s t o l ur e y ou f r om t he r oom wi t h me, t o
get y ou al one. And I f ought t hem eac h bac k , t hi nk i ng of my f ami l y , what I
c oul d do t o t hem. I had t o r un out , t o get away bef or e I c oul d s peak t he
wor ds t hat woul d mak e y ou f ol l ow…"
He l ook ed up t hen at my s t agger ed ex pr es s i on as I t r i ed t o abs or b hi s
bi t t er memor i es . Hi s gol den ey es s c or c hed f r om under hi s l as hes , hy pnot i c
and deadl y .
" You woul d hav e c ome, " he pr omi s ed.
I t r i ed t o s peak c al ml y . " Wi t hout a doubt . "
He f r owned down at my hands , r el eas i ng me f r om t he f or c e of hi s s t ar e.
" And t hen, as I t r i ed t o r ear r ange my s c hedul e i n a poi nt l es s at t empt t o
av oi d y ou, y ou wer e t her e — i n t hat c l os e, war m l i t t l e r oom, t he sc ent
was maddeni ng. I s o v er y near l y t ook y ou t hen. Ther e was onl y one ot her
f r ai l human t her e — s o eas i l y deal t wi t h. "
I s hi v er ed i n t he war m s un, s eei ng my memor i es anew t hr ough hi s eyes ,
onl y now gr as pi ng t he danger . Poor Ms . Cope; I s hi v er ed agai n at how
c l os e I ' d c ome t o bei ng i nadv er t ent l y r es pons i bl e f or her deat h.
" But I r es i s t ed. I don' t k now how. I f or c ed my s el f not t o wai t f or y ou,
not t o f ol l ow y ou f r om t he s c hool . I t was eas i er out s i de, when I coul dn' t
s mel l y ou any mor e, t o t hi nk c l ear l y , t o mak e t he r i ght dec i s i on. I l ef t
t he ot her s near home — I was t oo as hamed t o t el l t hem how weak I was ,
t hey onl y k new s omet hi ng was v er y wr ong — and t hen I went s t r ai ght t o
Car l i s l e, at t he hos pi t al , t o t el l hi m I was l eav i ng. "
I s t ar ed i n s ur pr i s e.
" I t r aded c ar s wi t h hi m — he had a f ul l t ank of gas and I di dn' t want t o
s t op. I di dn' t dar e t o go home, t o f ac e Es me. She woul dn' t hav e l et me go
wi t hout a s c ene. She woul d hav e t r i ed t o c onv i nc e me t hat i t was n' t
nec es s ar y …
" By t he nex t mor ni ng I was i n Al as k a. " He s ounded as hamed, as i f
admi t t i ng a gr eat c owar di c e. " I spent t wo day s t her e, wi t h s ome ol d
ac quai nt anc es … but I was homes i c k. I hat ed k nowi ng I ' d ups et Es me, and
t he r es t of t hem, my adopt ed f ami l y . I n t he pur e ai r of t he mount ai ns i t
was har d t o bel i ev e y ou wer e s o i r r es i s t i bl e. I c onv i nc ed my s el f i t was
weak t o r un away . I ' d deal t wi t h t empt at i on bef or e, not of t hi s
magni t ude, not ev en c l os e, but I was s t r ong. Who wer e y ou, an
i ns i gni f i c ant l i t t l e gi r l " — he gr i nned s uddenl y — " t o c has e me f r om t he
pl ac e I want ed t o be? So I c ame bac k …" He s t ar ed of f i nt o s pac e.
I c oul dn' t s peak .
" I t ook pr ec aut i ons , hunt i ng, f eedi ng mor e t han us ual bef or e s eei ng y ou
agai n. I was s ur e t hat I was s t r ong enough t o t r eat y ou l i k e any ot her
human. I was ar r ogant about i t .
" I t was unques t i onabl y a c ompl i c at i on t hat I c oul dn' t s i mpl y r ead y our
t hought s t o k now what y our r eac t i on was t o me. I was n' t us ed t o hav i ng t o
go t o s uc h c i r c ui t ous meas ur es , l i s t eni ng t o y our wor ds i n J es s i c a' s
mi nd… her mi nd i s n' t v er y or i gi nal , and i t was annoy i ng t o hav e t o s t oop
t o t hat . And t hen I c oul dn' t k now i f y ou r eal l y meant what y ou s ai d. I t
was al l ex t r emel y i r r i t at i ng. " He f r owned at t he memor y .
" I want ed y ou t o f or get my behav i or t hat f i r s t day , i f pos s i bl e, so I
t r i ed t o t al k wi t h y ou l i k e I woul d wi t h any per s on. I was eager
ac t ual l y , hopi ng t o dec i pher s ome of y our t hought s . But y ou wer e t oo
i nt er es t i ng, I f ound my s el f c aught up i n y our ex pr es s i ons … and ev er y now
and t hen y ou woul d s t i r t he ai r wi t h y our hand or y our hai r , and t he
s c ent woul d s t un me agai n…
" Of c our s e, t hen y ou wer e near l y c r us hed t o deat h i n f r ont of my ey es .
Lat er I t hought of a per f ec t l y good ex c us e f or why I ac t ed at t hat moment
— bec aus e i f I hadn' t s av ed y ou, i f y our bl ood had been s pi l l ed t her e i n
f r ont of me, I don' t t hi nk I c oul d hav e s t opped my s el f f r om ex pos i ng us
f or what we ar e. But I onl y t hought of t hat ex c us e l at er . At t he t i me,
al l I c oul d t hi nk was , ' Not her . ' "
He c l os ed hi s ey es , l os t i n hi s agoni z ed c onf es s i on. I l i s t ened, mor e
eager t han r at i onal . Common s ens e t ol d me I s houl d be t er r i f i ed. I ns t ead,
I was r el i ev ed t o f i nal l y under s t and. And I was f i l l ed wi t h c ompass i on
f or hi s s uf f er i ng, ev en now, as he c onf es s ed hi s c r av i ng t o t ak e my l i f e.
I f i nal l y was abl e t o s peak , t hough my v oi c e was f ai nt . " I n t he hos pi t al ?"
Hi s ey es f l as hed up t o mi ne. " I was appal l ed. I c oul dn' t bel i ev e I had
put us i n danger af t er al l , put my s el f i n y our power — y ou of al l peopl e.
As i f I needed anot her mot i v e t o k i l l y ou. " We bot h f l i nc hed as t hat wor d
s l i pped out . " But i t had t he oppos i t e ef f ec t , " he c ont i nued qui c k l y . " I
f ought wi t h Ros al i e, Emmet t , and J as per when t hey s ugges t ed t hat now was
t he t i me… t he wor s t f i ght we' v e ev er had. Car l i s l e s i ded wi t h me, and
Al i c e. " He gr i mac ed when he s ai d her name. I c oul dn' t i magi ne why . " Es me
t ol d me t o do what ev er I had t o i n or der t o s t ay . " He s hook hi s head
i ndul gent l y .
" Al l t hat nex t day I eav es dr opped on t he mi nds of ev er y one y ou s pok e t o,
s hoc k ed t hat y ou k ept y our wor d. I di dn' t under s t and y ou at al l . But I
k new t hat I c oul dn' t bec ome mor e i nv ol v ed wi t h y ou. I di d my v er y bes t t o
s t ay as f ar f r om y ou as pos s i bl e. And ev er y day t he per f ume of y our s k i n,
y our br eat h, y our hai r … i t hi t me as har d as t he v er y f i r s t day . "
He met my ey es agai n, and t hey wer e s ur pr i s i ngl y t ender .
" And f or al l t hat , " he c ont i nued, " I ' d hav e f ar ed bet t er i f I had ex pos ed
us al l at t hat f i r s t moment , t han i f now, her e — wi t h no wi t nes s es and
not hi ng t o s t op me — I wer e t o hur t y ou. "
I was human enough t o hav e t o as k. " Why ?"
" I s abel l a. " He pr onounc ed my f ul l name c ar ef ul l y , t hen pl ay f ul l y r uf f l ed
my hai r wi t h hi s f r ee hand. A s hoc k r an t hr ough my body at hi s c asual
t ouc h. " Bel l a, I c oul dn' t l i v e wi t h my s el f i f I ev er hur t y ou. You don' t
k now how i t ' s t or t ur ed me. " He l ook ed down, as hamed agai n. " The t hought
of y ou, s t i l l , whi t e, c ol d… t o nev er s ee y ou bl us h s c ar l et agai n, t o
nev er s ee t hat f l as h of i nt ui t i on i n y our ey es when y ou s ee t hr ough my
pr et ens es … i t woul d be unendur abl e. " He l i f t ed hi s gl or i ous , agoni z ed
ey es t o mi ne. " You ar e t he mos t i mpor t ant t hi ng t o me now. The most
i mpor t ant t hi ng t o me ev er . "
My head was s pi nni ng at t he r api d c hange i n di r ec t i on our c onv er s at i on
had t ak en. Fr om t he c heer f ul t opi c of my i mpendi ng demi s e, we wer e
s uddenl y dec l ar i ng our s el v es . He wai t ed, and ev en t hough I l ook ed down t o
s t udy our hands bet ween us , I k new hi s gol den ey es wer e on me. " You
al r eady k now how I f eel , of c our se, " I f i nal l y s ai d. " I ' m her e… whi c h,
r oughl y t r ans l at ed, means I woul d r at her di e t han s t ay away f r om you. " I
f r owned. " I ' m an i di ot . "
" You ar e an i di ot , " he agr eed wi t h a l augh. Our ey es met , and I l aughed,
t oo. We l aughed t oget her at t he i di oc y and s heer i mpos s i bi l i t y of s uc h a
moment .
" And s o t he l i on f el l i n l ov e wi t h t he l amb…" he mur mur ed. I l ook ed away ,
hi di ng my ey es as I t hr i l l ed t o t he wor d.
" What a s t upi d l amb, " I s i ghed.
" What a s i c k , mas oc hi s t i c l i on. " He s t ar ed i nt o t he s hadowy f or es t f or a
l ong moment , and I wonder ed wher e hi s t hought s had t ak en hi m.
" Why … ?" I began, and t hen paus ed, not s ur e how t o c ont i nue.
He l ook ed at me and s mi l ed; s unl i ght gl i nt ed of f hi s f ac e, hi s t eet h.
" Yes ?"
" Tel l me why y ou r an f r om me bef or e. "
Hi s s mi l e f aded. " You k now why . "
" No, I mean, ex ac t l y what di d I do wr ong? I ' l l hav e t o be on my guar d,
y ou s ee, s o I bet t er s t ar t l ear ni ng what I s houl dn' t do. Thi s , f or
ex ampl e" — I s t r ok ed t he bac k of hi s hand — " s eems t o be al l r i ght . "
He s mi l ed agai n. " You di dn' t do any t hi ng wr ong, Bel l a. I t was my f aul t . "
" But I want t o hel p, i f I c an, t o not mak e t hi s har der f or y ou. "
" Wel l …" He c ont empl at ed f or a moment . " I t was j us t how c l os e y ou wer e.
Mos t humans i ns t i nc t i v el y s hy away f r om us , ar e r epel l ed by our
al i ennes s … I was n' t ex pec t i ng y ou t o c ome s o c l os e. And t he s mel l of y our
t hr oat . " He s t opped s hor t , l ook i ng t o s ee i f he' d ups et me.
" Ok ay , t hen, " I s ai d f l i ppant l y , t r y i ng t o al l ev i at e t he s uddenl y t ens e
at mos pher e. I t uc k ed my c hi n. " No t hr oat ex pos ur e. "
I t wor k ed; he l aughed. " No, r eal l y , i t was mor e t he s ur pr i s e t han
any t hi ng el s e. "
He r ai s ed hi s f r ee hand and pl ac ed i t gent l y on t he s i de of my neck . I
s at v er y s t i l l , t he c hi l l of hi s t ouc h a nat ur al war ni ng — a war ni ng
t el l i ng me t o be t er r i f i ed. But t her e was no f eel i ng of f ear i n me. Ther e
wer e, howev er , ot her f eel i ngs …
" You s ee, " he s ai d. " Per f ec t l y f i ne. "
My bl ood was r ac i ng, and I wi s hed I c oul d s l ow i t , s ens i ng t hat t hi s mus t
mak e ev er y t hi ng s o muc h mor e di f f i c ul t — t he t huddi ng of my pul s e i n my
v ei ns . Sur el y he c oul d hear i t .
" The bl us h on y our c heek s i s l ov el y , " he mur mur ed. He gent l y f r eed hi s
ot her hand. My hands f el l l i mpl y i nt o my l ap. Sof t l y he br us hed my c heek ,
t hen hel d my f ac e bet ween hi s mar bl e hands .
" Be v er y s t i l l , " he whi s per ed, as i f I was n' t al r eady f r oz en.
Sl owl y , nev er mov i ng hi s ey es f r om mi ne, he l eaned t owar d me. Then
abr upt l y , but v er y gent l y , he r est ed hi s c ol d c heek agai ns t t he hol l ow at
t he bas e of my t hr oat . I was qui t e unabl e t o mov e, ev en i f I ' d want ed t o.
I l i s t ened t o t he s ound of hi s even br eat hi ng, wat c hi ng t he s un and wi nd
pl ay i n hi s br onz e hai r , mor e human t han any ot her par t of hi m.
Wi t h del i ber at e s l ownes s , hi s hands s l i d down t he s i des of my nec k. I
s hi v er ed, and I hear d hi m c at c h hi s br eat h. But hi s hands di dn' t paus e as
t hey s of t l y mov ed t o my s houl der s, and t hen s t opped.
Hi s f ac e dr i f t ed t o t he s i de, hi s nos e s k i mmi ng ac r os s my c ol l ar bone. He
c ame t o r es t wi t h t he s i de of hi s f ac e pr es s ed t ender l y agai ns t my c hes t .
Li s t eni ng t o my hear t .
" Ah, " he s i ghed.
I don' t k now how l ong we s at wi t hout mov i ng. I t c oul d hav e been hour s .
Ev ent ual l y t he t hr ob of my pul s e qui et ed, but he di dn' t mov e or s peak
agai n as he hel d me. I k new at any moment i t c oul d be t oo muc h, and my
l i f e c oul d end — s o qui c k l y t hat I mi ght not ev en not i c e. And I c oul dn' t
mak e my s el f be af r ai d. I c oul dn' t t hi nk of any t hi ng, ex c ept t hat he was
t ouc hi ng me.
And t hen, t oo s oon, he r el eas ed me.
Hi s ey es wer e peac ef ul .
" I t won' t be s o har d agai n, " he sai d wi t h s at i s f ac t i on.
" Was t hat v er y har d f or y ou?"
" Not near l y as bad as I i magi ned i t woul d be. And y ou?"
" No, i t was n' t bad… f or me. "
He s mi l ed at my i nf l ec t i on. " You k now what I mean. "
I s mi l ed.
" Her e. " He t ook my hand and pl ac ed i t agai ns t hi s c heek . " Do y ou f eel how
war m i t i s ?"
And i t was al mos t war m, hi s us ual l y i c y s k i n. But I bar el y not i c ed, f or I
was t ouc hi ng hi s f ac e, s omet hi ng I ' d dr eamed of c ons t ant l y s i nc e t he
f i r s t day I ' d s een hi m.
" Don' t mov e, " I whi s per ed.
No one c oul d be s t i l l l i k e Edwar d. He c l os ed hi s ey es and bec ame as
i mmobi l e as s t one, a c ar v i ng under my hand.
I mov ed ev en mor e s l owl y t han he had, c ar ef ul not t o mak e one unexpec t ed
mov e. I c ar es s ed hi s c heek , del i cat el y s t r ok ed hi s ey el i d, t he pur pl e
s hadow i n t he hol l ow under hi s eye. I t r ac ed t he s hape of hi s per f ec t
nos e, and t hen, s o c ar ef ul l y , hi s f l awl es s l i ps . Hi s l i ps par t ed under my
hand, and I c oul d f eel hi s c ool br eat h on my f i nger t i ps . I want ed t o l ean
i n, t o i nhal e t he s c ent of hi m. So I dr opped my hand and l eaned away , not
want i ng t o pus h hi m t oo f ar .
He opened hi s ey es , and t hey wer e hungr y . Not i n a way t o mak e me f ear ,
but r at her t o t i ght en t he mus c l es i n t he pi t of my s t omac h and s end my
pul s e hammer i ng t hr ough my v ei ns agai n.
" I wi s h, " he whi s per ed, " I wi s h you c oul d f eel t he… c ompl ex i t y … t he
c onf us i on… I f eel . That y ou c oul d under s t and. "
He r ai s ed hi s hand t o my hai r , t hen c ar ef ul l y br us hed i t ac r os s my f ac e.
" Tel l me, " I br eat hed.
" I don' t t hi nk I c an. I ' v e t ol d you, on t he one hand, t he hunger — t he
t hi r s t — t hat , depl or abl e c r eat ur e t hat I am, I f eel f or y ou. And I t hi nk
y ou c an under s t and t hat , t o an ext ent . Though" — he hal f - s mi l ed — " as y ou
ar e not addi c t ed t o any i l l egal subs t anc es , y ou pr obabl y c an' t empat hi z e
c ompl et el y .
" But …" Hi s f i nger s t ouc hed my l i ps l i ght l y , mak i ng me s hi v er agai n.
" Ther e ar e ot her hunger s . Hunger s I don' t ev en under s t and, t hat ar e
f or ei gn t o me. "
" I may under s t and t hat bet t er t han y ou t hi nk . "
" I ' m not us ed t o f eel i ng s o human. I s i t al way s l i k e t hi s ?"
" For me?" I paus ed. " No, nev er . Nev er bef or e t hi s . "
He hel d my hands bet ween hi s . They f el t s o f eebl e i n hi s i r on s t r engt h.
" I don' t k now how t o be c l os e t o y ou, " he admi t t ed. " I don' t k now i f I
c an. "
I l eaned f or war d v er y s l owl y , c aut i oni ng hi m wi t h my ey es . I pl ac ed my
c heek agai ns t hi s s t one c hes t . I c oul d hear hi s br eat h, and not hi ng el s e.
" Thi s i s enough, " I s i ghed, c l os i ng my ey es .
I n a v er y human ges t ur e, he put hi s ar ms ar ound me and pr es s ed hi s f ac e
agai ns t my hai r .
" You' r e bet t er at t hi s t han y ou gi v e y our s el f c r edi t f or , " I not ed.
" I hav e human i ns t i nc t s — t hey may be bur i ed deep, but t hey ' r e t her e. "
We s at l i k e t hat f or anot her i mmeas ur abl e moment ; I wonder ed i f he c oul d
be as unwi l l i ng t o mov e as I was . But I c oul d s ee t he l i ght was f adi ng,
t he s hadows of t he f or es t begi nni ng t o t ouc h us , and I s i ghed.
" You hav e t o go. "
" I t hought y ou c oul dn' t r ead my mi nd. "
" I t ' s get t i ng c l ear er . " I c oul d hear a s mi l e i n hi s v oi c e.
He t ook my s houl der s and I l ook ed i nt o hi s f ac e.
" Can I s how y ou s omet hi ng?" he ask ed, s udden ex c i t ement f l ar i ng i n hi s
ey es .
" Show me what ?"
" I ' l l s how y ou how I t r av el i n t he f or es t . " He s aw my ex pr es s i on. " Don' t
wor r y , y ou' l l be v er y s af e, and we' l l get t o y our t r uc k muc h f as t er . " Hi s
mout h t wi t c hed up i nt o t hat c r ooked s mi l e s o beaut i f ul my hear t near l y
s t opped.
" Wi l l y ou t ur n i nt o a bat ?" I as ked war i l y .
He l aughed, l ouder t han I ' d ev er hear d. " Li k e I hav en' t hear d t hat one
bef or e! "
" Ri ght , I ' m s ur e y ou get t hat al l t he t i me. "
" Come on, l i t t l e c owar d, c l i mb on my bac k . "
I wai t ed t o s ee i f he was k i ddi ng, but , appar ent l y , he meant i t . He
s mi l ed as he r ead my hes i t at i on, and r eac hed f or me. My hear t r eact ed;
ev en t hough he c oul dn' t hear my t hought s , my pul s e al way s gav e me away .
He t hen pr oc eeded t o s l i ng me ont o hi s bac k , wi t h v er y l i t t l e ef f or t on
my par t , bes i des , when i n pl ac e, c l ampi ng my l egs and ar ms s o t i ght l y
ar ound hi m t hat i t woul d c hok e a nor mal per s on. I t was l i k e c l i ngi ng t o a
s t one.
" I ' m a bi t heav i er t han y our av er age bac k pac k , " I war ned.
" Hah! " he s nor t ed. I c oul d al mos t hear hi s ey es r ol l i ng. I ' d nev er s een
hi m i n s uc h hi gh s pi r i t s bef or e.
He s t ar t l ed me, s uddenl y gr abbi ng my hand, pr es s i ng my pal m t o hi s f ac e,
and i nhal i ng deepl y .
" Eas i er al l t he t i me, " he mut t er ed.
And t hen he was r unni ng.
I f I ' d ev er f ear ed deat h bef or e i n hi s pr es enc e, i t was not hi ng c ompar ed
t o how I f el t now.
He s t r eak ed t hr ough t he dar k , t hi c k under br us h of t he f or es t l i k e a
bul l et , l i k e a ghos t . Ther e was no s ound, no ev i denc e t hat hi s f eet
t ouc hed t he ear t h. Hi s br eat hi ng nev er c hanged, nev er i ndi c at ed any
ef f or t . But t he t r ees f l ew by at deadl y s peeds , al way s mi s s i ng us by
i nc hes .
I was t oo t er r i f i ed t o c l os e my ey es , t hough t he c ool f or es t ai r whi pped
agai ns t my f ac e and bur ned t hem. I f el t as i f I wer e s t upi dl y s t i ck i ng my
head out t he wi ndow of an ai r pl ane i n f l i ght . And, f or t he f i r s t t i me i n
my l i f e, I f el t t he di z z y f ai nt nes s of mot i on s i c k nes s .
Then i t was ov er . We' d hi k ed hour s t hi s mor ni ng t o r eac h Edwar d' s meadow,
and now, i n a mat t er of mi nut es , we wer e bac k t o t he t r uc k .
" Ex hi l ar at i ng, i s n' t i t ?" Hi s v oi c e was hi gh, ex c i t ed.
He s t ood mot i onl es s , wai t i ng f or me t o c l i mb down. I t r i ed, but my
mus c l es woul dn' t r es pond. My ar ms and l egs s t ay ed l oc k ed ar ound hi m whi l e
my head s pun unc omf or t abl y .
" Bel l a?" he as k ed, anx i ous now.
" I t hi nk I need t o l i e down, " I gas ped.
" Oh, s or r y . " He wai t ed f or me, but I s t i l l c oul dn' t mov e.
" I t hi nk I need hel p, " I admi t t ed.
He l aughed qui et l y , and gent l y unl oos ened my s t r angl ehol d on hi s nec k .
Ther e was no r es i s t i ng t he i r on st r engt h of hi s hands . Then he pul l ed me
ar ound t o f ac e hi m, c r adl i ng me i n hi s ar ms l i k e a s mal l c hi l d. He hel d
me f or a moment , t hen c ar ef ul l y pl ac ed me on t he s pr i ngy f er ns .
" How do y ou f eel ?" he as k ed.
I c oul dn' t be s ur e how I f el t when my head was s pi nni ng s o c r az i l y.
" Di z z y , I t hi nk . "
" Put y our head bet ween y our k nees. "
I t r i ed t hat , and i t hel ped a l i t t l e. I br eat hed i n and out s l owl y,
k eepi ng my head v er y st i l l . I f el t hi m s i t t i ng bes i de me. The moment s
pas s ed, and ev ent ual l y I f ound t hat I c oul d r ai s e my head. Ther e was a
hol l ow r i ngi ng s ound in my ear s .
" I gues s t hat was n' t t he bes t i dea, " he mus ed.
I t r i ed t o be pos i t i v e, but my v oi c e was weak . " No, i t was v er y
i nt er es t i ng. "
" Hah! You' r e as whi t e as a ghos t — no, y ou' r e as whi t e as me! "
" I t hi nk I s houl d hav e c l os ed my ey es . "
" Remember t hat nex t t i me. "
" Nex t t i me! " I gr oaned.
He l aughed, hi s mood s t i l l r adi ant .
" Show- of f , " I mut t er ed.
" Open y our ey es , Bel l a, " he s ai d qui et l y .
And he was r i ght t her e, hi s f ac e s o c l os e t o mi ne. Hi s beaut y s t unned my
mi nd — i t was t oo muc h, an ex c es s I c oul dn' t gr ow ac c us t omed t o.
" I was t hi nk i ng, whi l e I was r unni ng…" He paus ed.
" About not hi t t i ng t he t r ees , I hope. "
" Si l l y Bel l a, " he c huc k l ed. " Runni ng i s s ec ond nat ur e t o me, i t ' s not
s omet hi ng I hav e t o t hi nk about . "
" Show- of f , " I mut t er ed agai n.
He s mi l ed.
" No, " he c ont i nued, " I was t hi nk i ng t her e was s omet hi ng I want ed t o t r y . "
And he t ook my f ac e i n hi s hands agai n.
I c oul dn' t br eat he.
He hes i t at ed — not i n t he nor mal way , t he human way .
Not t he way a man mi ght hes i t at e bef or e he k i s s ed a woman, t o gauge her
r eac t i on, t o s ee how he woul d be r ec ei v ed. Per haps he woul d hes i t at e t o
pr ol ong t he moment , t hat i deal moment of ant i c i pat i on, s omet i mes bet t er
t han t he k i s s i t s el f .
Edwar d hes i t at ed t o t es t hi ms el f , t o s ee i f t hi s was s af e, t o mak e s ur e
he was s t i l l i n c ont r ol of hi s need.
And t hen hi s c ol d, mar bl e l i ps pr es s ed v er y s of t l y agai ns t mi ne.
What nei t her of us was pr epar ed f or was my r es pons e.
Bl ood boi l ed under my s k i n, bur ned i n my l i ps . My br eat h c ame i n a wi l d
gas p. My f i nger s k not t ed i n hi s hai r , c l ut c hi ng hi m t o me. My l i ps par t ed
as I br eat hed i n hi s heady s c ent .
I mmedi at el y I f el t hi m t ur n t o unr es pons i v e s t one beneat h my l i ps . Hi s
hands gent l y , but wi t h i r r es i s t i bl e f or c e, pus hed my f ac e bac k . I opened
my ey es and s aw hi s guar ded ex pr es s i on.
" Oops , " I br eat hed.
" That ' s an under s t at ement . "
Hi s ey es wer e wi l d, hi s j aw c l enched i n ac ut e r es t r ai nt , y et he di dn' t
l aps e f r om hi s per f ec t ar t i c ul at i on. He hel d my f ac e j us t i nc hes f r om
hi s . He daz z l ed my ey es .
" Shoul d I … ?" I t r i ed t o di s engage my s el f , t o gi v e hi m s ome r oom.
Hi s hands r ef us ed t o l et me mov e s o muc h as an i nc h.
" No, i t ' s t ol er abl e. Wai t f or a moment , pl eas e. " Hi s v oi c e was pol i t e,
c ont r ol l ed.
I k ept my ey es on hi s , wat c hed as t he ex c i t ement i n t hem f aded and
gent l ed.
Then he s mi l ed a s ur pr i s i ngl y i mpi s h gr i n.
" Ther e, " he s ai d, obv i ous l y pl eased wi t h hi ms el f .
" Tol er abl e?" I as k ed.
He l aughed al oud. " I ' m s t r onger t han I t hought . I t ' s ni c e t o k now. "
" I wi s h I c oul d s ay t he s ame. I ' m s or r y . "
" You ar e onl y human, af t er al l . "
" Thank s s o muc h, " I s ai d, my v oi ce ac er bi c .
He was on hi s f eet i n one of hi s l i t he, al mos t i nv i s i bl y qui c k movement s .
He hel d out hi s hand t o me, an unex pec t ed ges t ur e. I was s o us ed t o our
s t andar d of c ar ef ul non- c ont ac t . I t ook hi s i c y hand, needi ng t he s uppor t
mor e t han I t hought . My bal anc e had not y et r et ur ned.
" Ar e y ou s t i l l f ai nt f r om t he r un? Or was i t my k i s s i ng ex per t i s e?" How
l i ght hear t ed, how human he s eemed as he l aughed now, hi s s er aphi c f ac e
unt r oubl ed. He was a di f f er ent Edwar d t han t he one I had k nown. And I
f el t al l t he mor e bes ot t ed by hi m. I t woul d c aus e me phy s i c al pai n t o be
s epar at ed f r om hi m now.
" I c an' t be s ur e, I ' m s t i l l wooz y, " I managed t o r es pond. " I t hi nk i t ' s
s ome of bot h, t hough. "
" May be y ou s houl d l et me dr i v e. "
" Ar e y ou i ns ane?" I pr ot es t ed.
" I c an dr i v e bet t er t han y ou on your bes t day , " he t eas ed. " You hav e muc h
s l ower r ef l ex es . "
" I ' m s ur e t hat ' s t r ue, but I don' t t hi nk my ner v es , or my t r uc k , coul d
t ak e i t . "
" Some t r us t , pl eas e, Bel l a. "
My hand was i n my poc k et , c ur l ed t i ght l y ar ound t he k ey . I pur s ed my
l i ps , del i ber at ed, t hen s hook my head wi t h a t i ght gr i n.
" Nope. Not a c hanc e. "
He r ai s ed hi s ey ebr ows i n di s bel i ef .
I s t ar t ed t o s t ep ar ound hi m, headi ng f or t he dr i v er ' s s i de. He mi ght
hav e l et me pas s i f I hadn' t wobbl ed s l i ght l y . Then agai n, he mi ght not
hav e. Hi s ar m c r eat ed an i nes c apabl e s nar e ar ound my wai s t .
" Bel l a, I ' v e al r eady ex pended a gr eat deal of per s onal ef f or t at t hi s
poi nt t o k eep y ou al i v e. I ' m not about t o l et y ou behi nd t he wheel of a
v ehi c l e when y ou c an' t ev en wal k s t r ai ght . Bes i des , f r i ends don' t l et
f r i ends dr i v e dr unk , " he quot ed wi t h a c huc k l e. I c oul d s mel l t he
unbear abl y s weet f r agr anc e c omi ng of f hi s c hes t .
" Dr unk ?" I obj ec t ed.
" You' r e i nt ox i c at ed by my v er y pr es enc e. " He was gr i nni ng t hat pl ay f ul
s mi r k agai n.
" I c an' t ar gue wi t h t hat , " I s i ghed. Ther e was no way ar ound i t ; I
c oul dn' t r es i s t hi m i n any t hi ng. I hel d t he k ey hi gh and dr opped i t ,
wat c hi ng hi s hand f l as h l i k e l i ght ni ng t o c at c h i t s oundl es s l y . " Tak e i t
eas y — my t r uc k i s a s eni or c i t i zen. "
" Ver y s ens i bl e, " he appr ov ed.
" And ar e y ou not af f ec t ed at al l ?" I as k ed, i r k ed. " By my pr es enc e?"
Agai n hi s mobi l e f eat ur es t r ans f or med, hi s ex pr es s i on bec ame s of t , war m.
He di dn' t ans wer at f i r s t ; he s i mpl y bent hi s f ac e t o mi ne, and br us hed
hi s l i ps s l owl y al ong my j aw, f r om my ear t o my c hi n, bac k and f or t h. I
t r embl ed.
" Regar dl es s , " he f i nal l y mur mur ed, " I hav e bet t er r ef l ex es . "
===========================================================================

14. MI ND OVER MATTER

He c oul d dr i v e wel l , when he k ept t he s peed r eas onabl e, I had t o admi t .
Li k e s o many t hi ngs , i t s eemed t o be ef f or t l es s t o hi m. He bar el y l ook ed
at t he r oad, y et t he t i r es nev er dev i at ed s o muc h as a c ent i met er f r om
t he c ent er of t he l ane. He dr ov e one- handed, hol di ng my hand on t he s eat .
Somet i mes he gaz ed i nt o t he s et t i ng s un, s omet i mes he gl anc ed at me — my
f ac e, my hai r bl owi ng out t he open wi ndow, our hands t wi ned t oget her .
He had t ur ned t he r adi o t o an ol di es s t at i on, and he s ang al ong wi t h a
s ong I ' d nev er hear d. He k new ev er y l i ne.
" You l i k e f i f t i es mus i c ?" I as k ed.
" Mus i c i n t he f i f t i es was good. Muc h bet t er t han t he s i x t i es , or t he
s ev ent i es , ugh! " He s hudder ed. " The ei ght i es wer e bear abl e. "
" Ar e y ou ev er goi ng t o t el l me how ol d y ou ar e?" I as k ed, t ent at i ve, not
want i ng t o ups et hi s buoy ant humor .
" Does i t mat t er muc h?" Hi s s mi l e, t o my r el i ef , r emai ned unc l ouded.
" No, but I s t i l l wonder …" I gr i mac ed. " Ther e' s not hi ng l i k e an unsol v ed
my s t er y t o k eep y ou up at ni ght . "
" I wonder i f i t wi l l ups et y ou, " he r ef l ec t ed t o hi ms el f . He gaz ed i nt o
t he s un; t he mi nut es pas s ed.
" Tr y me, " I f i nal l y s ai d.
He s i ghed, and t hen l ook ed i nt o my ey es , s eemi ng t o f or get t he r oad
c ompl et el y f or a t i me. What ev er he s aw t her e mus t hav e enc our aged hi m. He
l ook ed i nt o t he s un — t he l i ght of t he s et t i ng or b gl i t t er ed of f hi s s k i n
i n r uby - t i nged s par k l es — and s pok e.
" I was bor n i n Chi c ago i n 1901. " He paus ed and gl anc ed at me f r om t he
c or ner of hi s ey es . My f ac e was car ef ul l y uns ur pr i s ed, pat i ent f or t he
r es t . He s mi l ed a t i ny s mi l e and c ont i nued. " Car l i s l e f ound me i n a
hos pi t al i n t he s ummer of 1918. I was s ev ent een, and dy i ng of t he Spani s h
i nf l uenz a. "
He hear d my i nt ak e of br eat h, t hough i t was bar el y audi bl e t o my own
ear s . He l ook ed down i nt o my ey es agai n.
" I don' t r emember i t wel l — i t was a v er y l ong t i me ago, and human
memor i es f ade. " He was l os t i n hi s t hought s f or a s hor t t i me bef or e he
went on. " I do r emember how i t f el t , when Car l i s l e s av ed me. I t ' s not an
eas y t hi ng, not s omet hi ng y ou c oul d f or get ."
" Your par ent s ?"
" They had al r eady di ed f r om t he di s eas e. I was al one. That was why he
c hos e me. I n al l t he c haos of t he epi demi c , no one woul d ev er r eal i z e I
was gone. "
" How di d he… s av e y ou?"
A f ew s ec onds pas s ed bef or e he ans wer ed. He s eemed t o c hoos e hi s wor ds
c ar ef ul l y .
" I t was di f f i c ul t . Not many of us hav e t he r es t r ai nt nec es s ar y t o
ac c ompl i s h i t . But Car l i s l e has al way s been t he mos t humane, t he mos t
c ompas s i onat e of us … I don' t t hi nk y ou c oul d f i nd hi s equal t hr oughout
al l of hi s t or y . " He paus ed. " For me, i t was mer el y v er y , v er y pai nf ul . "
I c oul d t el l f r om t he s et of hi s l i ps , he woul d s ay no mor e on t hi s
s ubj ec t . I s uppr es s ed my c ur i os i t y , t hough i t was f ar f r om i dl e. Ther e
wer e many t hi ngs I needed t o t hi nk t hr ough on t hi s par t i c ul ar i s s ue,
t hi ngs t hat wer e onl y begi nni ng t o oc c ur t o me. No doubt hi s qui c k mi nd
had al r eady c ompr ehended ev er y aspec t t hat el uded me.
Hi s s of t v oi c e i nt er r upt ed my t hought s . " He ac t ed f r om l onel i nes s . That ' s
us ual l y t he r eas on behi nd t he c hoi c e. I was t he f i r s t i n Car l i s l e' s
f ami l y , t hough he f ound Es me s oon af t er . She f el l f r om a c l i f f . They
br ought her s t r ai ght t o t he hos pi t al mor gue, t hough, s omehow, her hear t
was s t i l l beat i ng. "
" So y ou mus t be dy i ng, t hen, t o bec ome…" We nev er s ai d t he wor d, and I
c oul dn' t f r ame i t now.
" No, t hat ' s j us t Car l i s l e. He woul d nev er do t hat t o s omeone who had
anot her c hoi c e. " The r es pec t i n hi s v oi c e was pr of ound whenev er he s pok e
of hi s f at her f i gur e. " I t i s eas i er he s ay s , t hough, " he c ont i nued, " i f
t he bl ood i s weak . " He l ook ed at t he now- dar k r oad, and I c oul d f eel t he
s ubj ec t c l os i ng agai n.
" And Emmet t and Ros al i e?"
" Car l i s l e br ought Ros al i e t o our f ami l y nex t . I di dn' t r eal i z e t i l l muc h
l at er t hat he was hopi ng s he woul d be t o me what Es me was t o hi m — he was
c ar ef ul wi t h hi s t hought s ar ound me. " He r ol l ed hi s ey es . " But s he was
nev er mor e t han a s i s t er . I t was onl y t wo y ear s l at er t hat s he f ound
Emmet t . She was hunt i ng — we wer e i n Appal ac hi a at t he t i me — and f ound a
bear about t o f i ni s h hi m of f . She c ar r i ed hi m bac k t o Car l i s l e, mor e t han
a hundr ed mi l es , af r ai d s he woul dn' t be abl e t o do i t her s el f . I ' m onl y
begi nni ng t o gues s how di f f i c ul t t hat j our ney was f or her . " He t hr ew a
poi nt ed gl anc e i n my di r ec t i on, and r ai s ed our hands , s t i l l f ol ded
t oget her , t o br us h my c heek wi t h t he bac k of hi s hand.
" But s he made i t , " I enc our aged, l ook i ng away f r om t he unbear abl e beaut y
of hi s ey es .
" Yes , " he mur mur ed. " She s aw s omet hi ng i n hi s f ac e t hat made her st r ong
enough. And t hey ' v e been t oget her ev er s i nc e. Somet i mes t hey l i v e
s epar at el y f r om us , as a mar r i ed c oupl e. But t he y ounger we pr et end t o
be, t he l onger we c an s t ay i n any gi v en pl ac e. For k s s eemed per f ect , s o
we al l enr ol l ed i n hi gh s c hool . " He l aughed. " I s uppos e we' l l hav e t o go
t o t hei r weddi ng i n a f ew y ear s , agai n. "
" Al i c e and J as per ?"
" Al i c e and J as per ar e t wo v er y r ar e c r eat ur es . They bot h dev el oped a
c ons c i enc e, as we r ef er t o i t , wi t h no out s i de gui danc e. J as per bel onged
t o anot her … f ami l y , a v er y di f f er ent k i nd of f ami l y . He bec ame depr es s ed,
and he wander ed on hi s own. Al i c e f ound hi m. Li k e me, s he has c er t ai n
gi f t s abov e and bey ond t he nor m f or our k i nd. "
" Real l y ?" I i nt er r upt ed, f as c i nat ed. " But y ou s ai d y ou wer e t he onl y one
who c oul d hear peopl e' s t hought s . "
" That ' s t r ue. She k nows ot her t hi ngs . She s ees t hi ngs — t hi ngs t hat mi ght
happen, t hi ngs t hat ar e c omi ng. But i t ' s v er y s ubj ec t i v e. The f ut ur e
i s n' t s et i n s t one. Thi ngs c hange. "
Hi s j aw s et when he s ai d t hat , and hi s ey es dar t ed t o my f ac e and away s o
qui c k l y t hat I was n' t s ur e i f I onl y i magi ned i t .
" What k i nds of t hi ngs does s he s ee?"
" She s aw J as per and k new t hat he was l ook i ng f or her bef or e he k new i t
hi ms el f . She s aw Car l i s l e and our f ami l y , and t hey c ame t oget her t o f i nd
us . She' s mos t s ens i t i v e t o non- humans . She al way s s ees , f or ex ampl e,
when anot her gr oup of our k i nd i s c omi ng near . And any t hr eat t hey may
pos e. "
" Ar e t her e a l ot of … y our k i nd?" I was s ur pr i s ed. How many of t hem c oul d
wal k among us undet ec t ed?
" No, not many . But mos t won' t s et t l e i n any one pl ac e. Onl y t hos e l i k e
us , who' v e gi v en up hunt i ng y ou peopl e" — a s l y gl anc e i n my di r ect i on —
" c an l i v e t oget her wi t h humans f or any l engt h of t i me. We' v e onl y f ound
one ot her f ami l y l i k e our s , i n a s mal l v i l l age i n Al as k a. We l i v ed
t oget her f or a t i me, but t her e wer e s o many of us t hat we bec ame t oo
not i c eabl e. Thos e of us who l i v e… di f f er ent l y t end t o band t oget her . "
" And t he ot her s ?"
" Nomads , f or t he mos t par t . We' v e al l l i v ed t hat way at t i mes . I t get s
t edi ous , l i k e any t hi ng el s e. But we r un ac r os s t he ot her s now and t hen,
bec aus e mos t of us pr ef er t he Nor t h. "
" Why i s t hat ?"
We wer e par k ed i n f r ont of my hous e now, and he' d t ur ned of f t he t r uc k .
I t was v er y qui et and dar k ; t her e was no moon. The por c h l i ght was of f s o
I k new my f at her was n' t home y et .
" Di d y ou hav e y our ey es open t hi s af t er noon?" he t eas ed. " Do y ou t hi nk I
c oul d wal k down t he s t r eet i n t he s unl i ght wi t hout c aus i ng t r af f i c
ac c i dent s ? Ther e' s a r eas on why we c hos e t he Ol y mpi c Peni ns ul a, one of
t he mos t s unl es s pl ac es i n t he wor l d. I t ' s ni c e t o be abl e t o go out s i de
i n t he day . You woul dn' t bel i ev e how t i r ed y ou c an get of ni ght t i me in
ei ght y - odd y ear s . "
" So t hat ' s wher e t he l egends c ame f r om?"
" Pr obabl y . "
" And Al i c e c ame f r om anot her f ami l y , l i k e J as per ?"
" No, and t hat i s a my s t er y . Al i c e does n' t r emember her human l i f e at al l .
And s he does n' t k now who c r eat ed her . She awok e al one. Whoev er made her
wal k ed away , and none of us under s t and why , or how, he c oul d. I f she
hadn' t had t hat ot her s ens e, i f she hadn' t s een J as per and Car l i s l e and
k nown t hat s he woul d s omeday bec ome one of us , s he pr obabl y woul d hav e
t ur ned i nt o a t ot al s av age. "
Ther e was s o muc h t o t hi nk t hr ough, s o muc h I s t i l l want ed t o as k . But ,
t o my gr eat embar r as s ment , my s t omac h gr owl ed. I ' d been s o i nt r i gued, I
hadn' t ev en not i c ed I was hungr y . I r eal i z ed now t hat I was r av enous .
" I ' m s or r y , I ' m k eepi ng y ou f r om di nner . "
" I ' m f i ne, r eal l y . "
" I ' v e nev er s pent muc h t i me ar ound any one who eat s f ood. I f or get . "
" I want t o s t ay wi t h y ou. " I t was eas i er t o s ay i n t he dar k nes s , knowi ng
as I s pok e how my v oi c e woul d bet r ay me, my hopel es s addi c t i on t o hi m.
" Can' t I c ome i n?" he as k ed.
" Woul d y ou l i k e t o?" I c oul dn' t pi c t ur e i t , t hi s godl i k e c r eat ur e s i t t i ng
i n my f at her ' s s habby k i t c hen c hai r .
" Yes , i f i t ' s al l r i ght . " I hear d t he door c l os e qui et l y , and al mos t
s i mul t aneous l y he was out s i de my door , openi ng i t f or me.
" Ver y human, " I c ompl i ment ed hi m.
" I t ' s def i ni t el y r es ur f ac i ng. "
He wal k ed bes i de me i n t he ni ght , s o qui et ly I had t o peek at hi m
c ons t ant l y t o be s ur e he was s t i l l t her e. In t he dar k nes s he l ook ed muc h
mor e nor mal . St i l l pal e, s t i l l dr eaml i k e i n hi s beaut y , but no l onger t he
f ant as t i c s par k l i ng c r eat ur e of our s unl i t af t er noon.
He r eac hed t he door ahead of me and opened i t f or me. I paus ed hal f way
t hr ough t he f r ame.
" The door was unl oc k ed?"
" No, I us ed t he k ey f r om under t he eav e. "
I s t epped i ns i de, f l i c k ed on t he por c h l i ght , and t ur ned t o l ook at hi m
wi t h my ey ebr ows r ai s ed. I was s ur e I ' d nev er us ed t hat k ey i n f r ont of
hi m.
" I was c ur i ous about y ou. "
" You s pi ed on me?" But s omehow I c oul dn' t i nf us e my v oi c e wi t h t he pr oper
out r age. I was f l at t er ed.
He was unr epent ant . " What el s e i s t her e t o do at ni ght ?"
I l et i t go f or t he moment and went down t he hal l t o t he k i t c hen. He was
t her e bef or e me, needi ng no gui de. He s at i n t he v er y c hai r I ' d t r i ed t o
pi c t ur e hi m i n. Hi s beaut y l i t up t he k i t c hen. I t was a moment bef or e I
c oul d l ook away .
I c onc ent r at ed on get t i ng my di nner , t ak i ng l as t ni ght ' s l as agna f r om t he
f r i dge, pl ac i ng a s quar e on a pl at e, heat i ng i t i n t he mi c r owav e. I t
r ev ol v ed, f i l l i ng t he k i t c hen wi t h t he s mel l of t omat oes and or egano. I
di dn' t t ak e my ey es f r om t he pl at e of f ood as I s pok e.
" How of t en?" I as k ed c as ual l y .
" Hmmm?" He s ounded as i f I had pul l ed hi m f r om s ome ot her t r ai n of
t hought .
I s t i l l di dn' t t ur n ar ound. " How of t en di d y ou c ome her e?"
" I c ome her e al mos t ev er y ni ght . "
I whi r l ed, s t unned. " Why ?"
" You' r e i nt er es t i ng when y ou s l eep. " He s pok e mat t er - of - f ac t l y . " You
t al k . "
" No! " I gas ped, heat f l oodi ng my f ac e al l t he way t o my hai r l i ne. I
gr i pped t he k i t c hen c ount er f or suppor t . I k new I t al k ed i n my s l eep, of
c our s e; my mot her t eas ed me about i t . I hadn' t t hought i t was s omet hi ng I
needed t o wor r y about her e, t hough.
Hi s ex pr es s i on s hi f t ed i ns t ant l y t o c hagr i n. " Ar e y ou v er y angr y wi t h me?"
" That depends ! " I f el t and s ounded l i k e I ' d had t he br eat h k noc k ed out of
me.
He wai t ed.
" On?" he ur ged.
" What y ou hear d! " I wai l ed.
I ns t ant l y , s i l ent l y , he was at my s i de, t ak i ng my hands c ar ef ul l y i n hi s .
" Don' t be ups et ! " he pl eaded. He dr opped hi s f ac e t o t he l ev el of my
ey es , hol di ng my gaz e. I was embar r as s ed. I t r i ed t o l ook away .
" You mi s s y our mot her , " he whi s per ed. " You wor r y about her . And when i t
r ai ns , t he s ound mak es y ou r es t l es s . You us ed t o t al k about home a l ot ,
but i t ' s l es s of t en now. Onc e y ou s ai d, ' I t ' s t oo gr een. ' " He l aughed
s of t l y , hopi ng, I c oul d s ee, not t o of f end me f ur t her .
" Any t hi ng el s e?" I demanded.
He k new what I was get t i ng at . " You di d s ay my name, " he admi t t ed.
I s i ghed i n def eat . " A l ot ?"
" How muc h do y ou mean by ' a l ot , ' ex ac t l y ?"
" Oh no! " I hung my head.
He pul l ed me agai ns t hi s c hes t , sof t l y , nat ur al l y .
" Don' t be s el f - c ons c i ous , " he whi s per ed i n my ear . " I f I c oul d dr eam at
al l , i t woul d be about y ou. And I ' m not as hamed of i t . "
Then we bot h hear d t he s ound of t i r es on t he br i c k dr i v eway , s aw t he
headl i ght s f l as h t hr ough t he f r ont wi ndows , down t he hal l t o us . I
s t i f f ened i n hi s ar ms .
" Shoul d y our f at her k now I ' m her e?" he as k ed.
" I ' m not s ur e…" I t r i ed t o t hi nk i t t hr ough qui c k l y .
" Anot her t i me t hen…"
And I was al one.
" Edwar d! " I hi s s ed.
I hear d a ghos t l y c huc k l e, t hen not hi ng el s e.
My f at her ' s k ey t ur ned i n t he door .
" Bel l a?" he c al l ed. I t had bot her ed me bef or e; who el s e woul d i t be?
Suddenl y he di dn' t s eem s o f ar of f bas e.
" I n her e. " I hoped he c oul dn' t hear t he hy s t er i c al edge t o my v oi ce. I
gr abbed my di nner f r om t he mi c r owav e and s at at t he t abl e as he wal k ed
i n. Hi s f oot s t eps s ounded s o noi sy af t er my day wi t h Edwar d.
" Can y ou get me s ome of t hat ? I ' m bus hed. " He s t epped on t he heel s of hi s
boot s t o t ak e t hem of f , hol di ng t he bac k of Edwar d' s c hai r f or s uppor t .
I t ook my f ood wi t h me, s c ar f i ng i t down as I got hi s di nner . I t bur ned
my t ongue. I f i l l ed t wo gl as s es wi t h mi l k whi l e hi s l as agna was heat i ng,
and gul ped mi ne t o put out t he f i r e. As I s et t he gl as s down, I not i c ed
t he mi l k t r embl i ng and r eal i z ed my hand was s hak i ng. Char l i e s at i n t he
c hai r , and t he c ont r as t bet ween hi m and i t s f or mer oc c upant was c omi c al .
" Thank s , " he s ai d as I pl ac ed hi s f ood on t he t abl e.
" How was y our day ?" I as k ed. The wor ds wer e r us hed; I was dy i ng t o es c ape
t o my r oom.
" Good. The f i s h wer e bi t i ng… how about y ou? Di d y ou get ev er y t hi ng done
t hat y ou want ed t o?"
" Not r eal l y — i t was t oo ni c e out t o s t ay i ndoor s . " I t ook anot her bi g
bi t e.
" I t was a ni c e day , " he agr eed. What an under s t at ement , I t hought t o
my s el f .
Fi ni s hed wi t h t he l as t bi t e of l as agna, I l i f t ed my gl as s and c hugged t he
r emai ns of my mi l k .
Char l i e s ur pr i s ed me by bei ng obser v ant . " I n a hur r y ?"
" Yeah, I ' m t i r ed. I ' m goi ng t o bed ear l y . "
" You l ook k i nda k ey ed up, " he not ed. Why , oh why , di d t hi s hav e t o be hi s
ni ght t o pay at t ent i on?
" Do I ?" was al l I c oul d manage i n r es pons e. I qui c k l y s c r ubbed my di s hes
c l ean i n t he s i nk , and pl ac ed t hem ups i de down on a di s h t owel t o dr y .
" I t ' s Sat ur day , " he mus ed.
I di dn' t r es pond.
" No pl ans t oni ght ?" he as k ed s uddenl y .
" No, Dad, I j us t want t o get s ome s l eep. "
" None of t he boy s i n t own y our t ype, eh?" He was s us pi c i ous , but t r y i ng
t o pl ay i t c ool .
" No, none of t he boy s hav e c aught my ey e y et . " I was c ar ef ul not t o
ov er - emphas i z e t he wor d boy s i n my ques t t o be t r ut hf ul wi t h Char l i e.
" I t hought may be t hat Mi k e Newt on… y ou s ai d he was f r i endl y . "
" He' s J us t a f r i end, Dad. "
" Wel l , y ou' r e t oo good f or t hem al l , any way . Wai t t i l l y ou get t o c ol l ege
t o s t ar t l ook i ng. " Ev er y f at her ' s dr eam, t hat hi s daught er wi l l be out of
t he hous e bef or e t he hor mones k i ck i n.
" Sounds l i k e a good i dea t o me, " I agr eed as I headed up t he s t ai r s .
" ' Ni ght , honey , " he c al l ed af t er me. No doubt he woul d be l i s t eni ng
c ar ef ul l y al l ev eni ng, wai t i ng f or me t o t r y t o s neak out .
" See y ou i n t he mor ni ng, Dad. " See y ou c r eepi ng i nt o my r oom t oni ght at
mi dni ght t o c hec k on me.
I wor k ed t o mak e my t r ead s ound sl ow and t i r ed as I wal k ed up t he s t ai r s
t o my r oom. I s hut t he door l oud enough f or hi m t o hear , and t hen
s pr i nt ed on my t i pt oes t o t he wi ndow. I t hr ew i t open and l eaned out i nt o
t he ni ght . My ey es s c anned t he dar k nes s , t he i mpenet r abl e s hadows of t he
t r ees .
" Edwar d?" I whi s per ed, f eel i ng c ompl et el y i di ot i c .
The qui et , l aughi ng r es pons e c ame f r om behi nd me. " Yes ?"
I whi r l ed, one hand f l y i ng t o my t hr oat i n s ur pr i s e.
He l ay , s mi l i ng hugel y , ac r os s my bed, hi s hands behi nd hi s head, hi s
f eet dangl i ng of f t he end, t he pi c t ur e of eas e.
" Oh! " I br eat hed, s i nk i ng uns t eadi l y t o t he f l oor .
" I ' m s or r y . " He pr es s ed hi s l i ps t oget her , t r y i ng t o hi de hi s amusement .
" J us t gi v e me a mi nut e t o r es t ar t my hear t . "
He s at up s l owl y , s o as not t o s t ar t l e me agai n. Then he l eaned f or war d
and r eac hed out wi t h hi s l ong ar ms t o pi c k me up, gr i ppi ng t he t ops of my
ar ms l i k e I was a t oddl er . He s at me on t he bed bes i de hi m.
" Why don' t y ou s i t wi t h me, " he sugges t ed, put t i ng a c ol d hand on mi ne.
" How' s t he hear t ?"
" You t el l me — I ' m s ur e y ou hear i t bet t er t han I do. "
I f el t hi s qui et l aught er s hak e t he bed.
We s at t her e f or a moment i n s i l enc e, bot h l i s t eni ng t o my hear t beat
s l ow. I t hought about hav i ng Edwar d i n my r oom, wi t h my f at her i n t he
hous e.
" Can I hav e a mi nut e t o be human?" I as k ed.
" Cer t ai nl y . " He ges t ur ed wi t h one hand t hat I s houl d pr oc eed.
" St ay , " I s ai d, t r y i ng t o l ook s ev er e.
" Yes , ma' am. " And he made a s how of bec omi ng a s t at ue on t he edge of my
bed.
I hopped up, gr abbi ng my paj amas f r om of f t he f l oor , my bag of t oi l et r i es
of f t he des k . I l ef t t he l i ght of f and s l i pped out , c l os i ng t he door .
I c oul d hear t he s ound f r om t he TV r i s i ng up t he s t ai r s . I banged t he
bat hr oom door l oudl y , s o Char l i e woul dn' t c ome up t o bot her me.
I meant t o hur r y . I br us hed my t eet h f i er c el y , t r y i ng t o be t hor ough and
s peedy , r emov i ng al l t r ac es of l as agna. But t he hot wat er of t he shower
c oul dn' t be r us hed. I t unk not t ed t he mus c l es i n my bac k , c al med my pul s e.
The f ami l i ar s mel l of my s hampoo made me f eel l i k e I mi ght be t he s ame
per s on I had been t hi s mor ni ng. I t r i ed not t o t hi nk of Edwar d, s i t t i ng
i n my r oom, wai t i ng, bec aus e t hen I had t o s t ar t al l ov er wi t h t he
c al mi ng pr oc es s . Fi nal l y , I c oul dn' t del ay any mor e. I s hut of f t he wat er ,
t owel i ng has t i l y , r us hi ng agai n. I pul l ed on my hol ey t - s hi r t and gr ay
s weat pant s . Too l at e t o r egr et not pac k i ng t he Vi c t or i a' s Sec r et si l k
paj amas my mot her got me t wo bi r t hday s ago, whi c h s t i l l had t he t ags on
t hem i n a dr awer s omewher e bac k home.
I r ubbed t he t owel t hr ough my hai r agai n, and t hen y ank ed t he br ush
t hr ough i t qui c k l y . I t hr ew t he t owel i n t he hamper , f l ung my br ush and
t oot hpas t e i nt o my bag. Then I das hed down t he s t ai r s s o Char l i e coul d
s ee t hat I was i n my paj amas , wi t h wet hai r .
" ' Ni ght , Dad. "
" ' Ni ght , Bel l a. " He di d l ook s t ar t l ed by my appear anc e. May be t hat woul d
k eep hi m f r om c hec k i ng on me t oni ght .
I t ook t he s t ai r s t wo at a t i me, t r y i ng t o be qui et , and f l ew i nt o my
r oom, c l os i ng t he door t i ght l y behi nd me.
Edwar d hadn' t mov ed a f r ac t i on of an i nc h, a c ar v i ng of Adoni s per c hed on
my f aded qui l t . I s mi l ed, and hi s l i ps t wi t c hed, t he s t at ue c omi ng t o
l i f e.
Hi s ey es appr ai s ed me, t ak i ng i n t he damp hai r , t he t at t er ed s hi r t . He
r ai s ed one ey ebr ow. " Ni c e. "
I gr i mac ed.
" No, i t l ook s good on y ou. "
" Thank s , " I whi s per ed. I went back t o hi s s i de, s i t t i ng c r os s - l egged
bes i de hi m. I l ook ed at t he l i nes i n t he wooden f l oor .
" What was al l t hat f or ?"
" Char l i e t hi nk s I ' m s neak i ng out . "
" Oh. " He c ont empl at ed t hat . " Why ?" As i f he c oul dn' t k now Char l i e' s mi nd
muc h mor e c l ear l y t han I c oul d gues s .
" Appar ent l y , I l ook a l i t t l e ov er ex c i t ed. "
He l i f t ed my c hi n, ex ami ni ng my f ac e.
" You l ook v er y war m, ac t ual l y . "
He bent hi s f ac e s l owl y t o mi ne, l ay i ng hi s c ool c heek agai ns t my s k i n. I
hel d per f ec t l y s t i l l .
" Mmmmmm…" he br eat hed.
I t was v er y di f f i c ul t , whi l e he was t ouc hi ng me, t o f r ame a c oher ent
ques t i on. I t t ook me a mi nut e of s c at t er ed c onc ent r at i on t o begi n.
" I t s eems t o be… muc h eas i er f or y ou, now, t o be c l os e t o me. "
" Does i t s eem t hat way t o y ou?" he mur mur ed, hi s nos e gl i di ng t o t he
c or ner of my j aw. I f el t hi s hand, l i ght er t han a mot h' s wi ng, br us hi ng
my damp hai r bac k , s o t hat hi s l i ps c oul d t ouc h t he hol l ow beneat h my ear .
" Muc h, muc h eas i er , " I s ai d, t r y i ng t o ex hal e.
" Hmm. "
" So I was wonder i ng…" I began agai n, but hi s f i nger s wer e s l owl y t r ac i ng
my c ol l ar bone, and I l os t my t r ai n of t hought .
" Yes ?" he br eat hed.
" Why i s t hat , " my v oi c e s hook , embar r as s i ng me, " do y ou t hi nk ?"
I f el t t he t r emor of hi s br eat h on my nec k as he l aughed. " Mi nd over
mat t er . "
I pul l ed bac k ; as I mov ed, he f r oz e — and I c oul d no l onger hear t he
s ound of hi s br eat hi ng.
We s t ar ed c aut i ous l y at eac h ot her f or a moment , and t hen, as hi s
c l enc hed j aw gr adual l y r el ax ed, hi s ex pr es s i on bec ame puz z l ed.
" Di d I do s omet hi ng wr ong?"
" No — t he oppos i t e. You' r e dr i v i ng me c r az y , " I ex pl ai ned.
He c ons i der ed t hat br i ef l y , and when he s pok e, he s ounded pl eas ed.
" Real l y ?" A t r i umphant s mi l e s l owl y l i t hi s f ac e.
" Woul d y ou l i k e a r ound of appl aus e?" I as k ed s ar c as t i c al l y .
He gr i nned.
" I ' m j us t pl eas ant l y s ur pr i s ed, " he c l ar i f i ed. " I n t he l as t hundr ed y ear s
or s o, " hi s v oi c e was t eas i ng, " I nev er i magi ned any t hi ng l i k e t hi s . I
di dn' t bel i ev e I woul d ev er f i nd s omeone I want ed t o be wi t h… i n anot her
way t han my br ot her s and s i s t er s . And t hen t o f i nd, ev en t hough i t ' s al l
new t o me, t hat I ' m good at i t … at bei ng wi t h y ou…"
" You' r e good at ev er y t hi ng, " I poi nt ed out .
He s hr ugged, al l owi ng t hat , and we bot h l aughed i n whi s per s .
" But how c an i t be s o eas y now?" I pr es s ed. " Thi s af t er noon…"
" I t ' s not eas y , " he s i ghed. " But t hi s af t er noon, I was s t i l l … undec i ded.
I am s or r y about t hat , i t was unf or gi v abl e f or me t o behav e s o. "
" Not unf or gi v abl e, " I di s agr eed.
" Thank y ou. " He s mi l ed. " You s ee, " he c ont i nued, l ook i ng down now, "I
was n' t s ur e i f I was s t r ong enough…" He pi c k ed up one of my hands and
pr es s ed i t l i ght l y t o hi s f ac e. " And whi l e t her e was s t i l l t hat
pos s i bi l i t y t hat I mi ght be… ov er c ome" — he br eat hed i n t he s c ent at my
wr i s t — " I was … s us c ept i bl e. Unt i l I made up my mi nd t hat I was s t r ong
enough, t hat t her e was no pos s i bi l i t y at al l t hat I woul d… t hat I ev er
c oul d…"
I ' d nev er s een hi m s t r uggl e s o har d f or wor ds . I t was s o… human.
" So t her e' s no pos s i bi l i t y now?"
" Mi nd ov er mat t er , " he r epeat ed, s mi l i ng, hi s t eet h br i ght ev en i n t he
dar k nes s .
" Wow, t hat was eas y , " I s ai d.
He t hr ew bac k hi s head and l aughed, qui et l y as a whi s per , but s t i l l
ex uber ant l y .
" Eas y f or y ou! " he amended, t ouc hi ng my nos e wi t h hi s f i nger t i p.
And t hen hi s f ac e was abr upt l y s er i ous .
" I ' m t r y i ng, " he whi s per ed, hi s voi c e pai ned. " I f i t get s t o be… t oo
muc h, I ' m f ai r l y s ur e I ' l l be abl e t o l eav e. "
I s c owl ed. I di dn' t l i k e t he t al k of l eav i ng.
" And i t wi l l be har der t omor r ow, " he c ont i nued. " I ' v e had t he s c ent of
y ou i n my head al l day , and I ' v e gr own amaz i ngl y des ens i t i z ed. I f I ' m
away f r om y ou f or any l engt h of t i me, I ' l l hav e t o s t ar t ov er agai n. Not
qui t e f r om s c r at c h, t hough, I t hi nk . "
" Don' t go away , t hen, " I r es ponded, unabl e t o hi de t he l ongi ng i n my
v oi c e.
" That s ui t s me, " he r epl i ed, hi s f ac e r el ax i ng i nt o a gent l e s mi l e.
" Br i ng on t he s hac k l es — I ' m y our pr i s oner . " But hi s l ong hands f or med
manac l es ar ound my wr i s t s as he spok e. He l aughed hi s qui et , mus i cal
l augh. He' d l aughed mor e t oni ght t han I ' d ev er hear d i n al l t he t i me I ' d
s pent wi t h hi m.
" You s eem mor e… opt i mi s t i c t han us ual , " I obs er v ed. " I hav en' t s een y ou
l i k e t hi s bef or e. "
" I s n' t i t s uppos ed t o be l i k e t hi s ?" He s mi l ed. " The gl or y of f i r st l ov e,
and al l t hat . I t ' s i nc r edi bl e, i sn' t i t , t he di f f er enc e bet ween r eadi ng
about s omet hi ng, s eei ng i t i n t he pi c t ur es , and ex per i enc i ng i t ?"
" Ver y di f f er ent , " I agr eed. " Mor e f or c ef ul t han I ' d i magi ned. "
" For ex ampl e" — hi s wor ds f l owed s wi f t l y now, I had t o c onc ent r at e t o
c at c h i t al l — " t he emot i on of j eal ous y . I ' v e r ead about i t a hundr ed
t hous and t i mes , s een ac t or s por t r ay i t i n a t hous and di f f er ent pl ay s and
mov i es . I bel i ev ed I under s t ood t hat one pr et t y c l ear l y . But i t s hoc k ed
me…" He gr i mac ed. " Do y ou r emember t he day t hat Mi k e as k ed y ou t o t he
danc e?"
I nodded, t hough I r emember ed t hat day f or a di f f er ent r eas on. " The day
y ou s t ar t ed t al k i ng t o me agai n. "
" I was s ur pr i s ed by t he f l ar e of r es ent ment , al mos t f ur y , t hat I f el t — I
di dn' t r ec ogni z e what i t was at f i r s t . I was ev en mor e aggr av at ed t han
us ual t hat I c oul dn' t k now what you wer e t hi nk i ng, why y ou r ef us ed hi m.
Was i t s i mpl y f or y our f r i end' s sak e? Was t her e s omeone el s e? I k new I
had no r i ght t o c ar e ei t her way . I t r i ed not t o c ar e.
" And t hen t he l i ne s t ar t ed f or mi ng, " he c huc k l ed. I s c owl ed i n t he
dar k nes s .
" I wai t ed, unr eas onabl y anx i ous t o hear what y ou woul d s ay t o t hem, t o
wat c h y our ex pr es s i ons . I c oul dn' t deny t he r el i ef I f el t , wat c hi ng t he
annoy anc e on y our f ac e. But I c oul dn' t be s ur e.
" That was t he f i r s t ni ght I c ame her e. I wr es t l ed al l ni ght , whi l e
wat c hi ng y ou s l eep, wi t h t he c hasm bet ween what I k new was r i ght , mor al ,
et hi c al , and what I want ed. I k new t hat i f I c ont i nued t o i gnor e you as I
s houl d, or i f I l ef t f or a f ew y ear s , t i l l y ou wer e gone, t hat s omeday
y ou woul d s ay y es t o Mi k e, or s omeone l i k e hi m. I t made me angr y .
" And t hen, " he whi s per ed, " as y ou wer e s l eepi ng, y ou s ai d my name. You
s pok e s o c l ear l y , at f i r s t I t hought y ou' d wok en. But y ou r ol l ed ov er
r es t l es s l y and mumbl ed my name onc e mor e, and s i ghed. The f eel i ng t hat
c our s ed t hr ough me t hen was unner v i ng, s t agger i ng. And I k new I c oul dn' t
i gnor e y ou any l onger . " He was s i l ent f or a moment , pr obabl y l i s t eni ng t o
t he s uddenl y unev en poundi ng of my hear t .
" But j eal ous y … i t ' s a s t r ange t hi ng. So muc h mor e power f ul t han I woul d
hav e t hought . And i r r at i onal ! J ust now, when Char l i e as k ed y ou about t hat
v i l e Mi k e Newt on…" He s hook hi s head angr i l y .
" I s houl d hav e k nown y ou' d be l i st eni ng, " I gr oaned.
" Of c our s e. "
" That made y ou f eel j eal ous , t hough, r eal l y ?"
" I ' m new at t hi s ; y ou' r e r es ur r ect i ng t he human i n me, and ev er y t hi ng
f eel s s t r onger bec aus e i t ' s f r es h. "
" But hones t l y , " I t eas ed, " f or t hat t o bot her y ou, af t er I hav e t o hear
t hat Ros al i e — Ros al i e, t he i nc ar nat i on of pur e beaut y , Ros al i e — was
meant f or y ou. Emmet t or no Emmet t , how c an I c ompet e wi t h t hat ?"
" Ther e' s no c ompet i t i on. " Hi s t eet h gl eamed. He dr ew my t r apped hands
ar ound hi s bac k , hol di ng me t o hi s c hes t . I k ept as s t i l l as I c oul d,
ev en br eat hi ng wi t h c aut i on.
" I k now t her e' s no c ompet i t i on, " I mumbl ed i nt o hi s c ol d s k i n. " That ' s
t he pr obl em. "
" Of c our s e Ros al i e i s beaut i f ul i n her way , but ev en i f s he was n' t l i k e a
s i s t er t o me, ev en i f Emmet t di dn' t bel ong wi t h her , s he c oul d never hav e
one t ent h, no, one hundr edt h of t he at t r ac t i on y ou hol d f or me. " He was
s er i ous now, t hought f ul . " For al mos t ni net y y ear s I ' v e wal k ed among my
k i nd, and y our s … al l t he t i me t hi nk i ng I was c ompl et e i n my s el f , not
r eal i z i ng what I was s eek i ng. And not f i ndi ng any t hi ng, bec aus e y ou
wer en' t al i v e y et . "
" I t har dl y s eems f ai r , " I whi s per ed, my f ac e s t i l l r es t i ng on hi s c hes t ,
l i s t eni ng t o hi s br eat h c ome and go. " I hav en' t had t o wai t at al l . Why
s houl d I get of f s o eas i l y ?"
" You' r e r i ght , " he agr eed wi t h amus ement . " I s houl d mak e t hi s har der f or
y ou, def i ni t el y . " He f r eed one of hi s hands , r el eas ed my wr i s t , onl y t o
gat her i t c ar ef ul l y i nt o hi s ot her hand. He s t r ok ed my wet hai r s of t l y ,
f r om t he t op of my head t o my wai s t . " You onl y hav e t o r i s k y our l i f e
ev er y s ec ond y ou s pend wi t h me, t hat ' s s ur el y not muc h. You onl y hav e t o
t ur n y our bac k on nat ur e, on humani t y … what ' s t hat wor t h?"
" Ver y l i t t l e — I don' t f eel depr i v ed of any t hi ng. "
" Not y et . " And hi s v oi c e was abr upt l y f ul l of anc i ent gr i ef .
I t r i ed t o pul l bac k , t o l ook i n hi s f ac e, but hi s hand l oc k ed my wr i s t s
i n an unbr eak abl e hol d.
" What —" I s t ar t ed t o as k , when hi s body bec ame al er t . I f r oz e, but he
s uddenl y r el eas ed my hands , and di s appear ed. I nar r owl y av oi ded f al l i ng
on my f ac e.
" Li e down! " he hi s s ed. I c oul dn' t t el l wher e he s pok e f r om i n t he
dar k nes s .
I r ol l ed under my qui l t , bal l i ng up on my s i de, t he way I us ual l y s l ept .
I hear d t he door c r ac k open, as Char l i e peek ed i n t o mak e s ur e I was
wher e I was s uppos ed t o be. I br eat hed ev enl y , ex agger at i ng t he mov ement .
A l ong mi nut e pas s ed. I l i s t ened, not s ur e i f I ' d hear d t he door cl os e.
Then Edwar d' s c ool ar m was ar ound me, under t he c ov er s , hi s l i ps at my
ear .
" You ar e a t er r i bl e ac t r es s — I ' d s ay t hat c ar eer pat h i s out f or y ou. "
" Dar n i t , " I mut t er ed. My hear t was c r as hi ng i n my c hes t .
He hummed a mel ody I di dn' t r ec ogni z e; i t s ounded l i k e a l ul l aby .
He paus ed. " Shoul d I s i ng y ou t o s l eep?"
" Ri ght , " I l aughed. " Li k e I c oul d s l eep wi t h y ou her e! "
" You do i t al l t he t i me, " he r emi nded me.
" But I di dn' t k now y ou wer e her e, " I r epl i ed i c i l y .
" So i f y ou don' t want t o s l eep…" he s ugges t ed, i gnor i ng my t one. My
br eat h c aught .
" I f I don' t want t o s l eep… ?"
He c huc k l ed. " What do y ou want t o do t hen?"
I c oul dn' t ans wer at f i r s t .
" I ' m not s ur e, " I f i nal l y s ai d.
" Tel l me when y ou dec i de. "
I c oul d f eel hi s c ool br eat h on my nec k , f eel hi s nos e s l i di ng al ong my
j aw, i nhal i ng.
" I t hought y ou wer e des ens i t i z ed. "
" J us t bec aus e I ' m r es i s t i ng t he wi ne does n' t mean I c an' t appr ec i at e t he
bouquet , " he whi s per ed. " You hav e a v er y f l or al s mel l , l i k e l av ender … or
f r ees i a, " he not ed. " I t ' s mout hwat er i ng. "
" Yeah, i t ' s an of f day when I don' t get s omebody t el l i ng me how edi bl e I
s mel l . "
He c huc k l ed, and t hen s i ghed.
" I ' v e dec i ded what I want t o do, " I t ol d hi m. " I want t o hear mor e about
y ou. "
" As k me any t hi ng. "
I s i f t ed t hr ough my ques t i ons f or t he mos t v i t al . " Why do y ou do i t ?" I
s ai d. " I s t i l l don' t under s t and how y ou c an wor k s o har d t o r es i s t what
y ou… ar e. Pl eas e don' t mi s under s t and, of c our s e I ' m gl ad t hat y ou do. I
j us t don' t s ee why y ou woul d bot her i n t he f i r s t pl ac e. "
He hes i t at ed bef or e ans wer i ng. " That ' s a good ques t i on, and y ou ar e not
t he f i r s t one t o as k i t . The ot her s — t he maj or i t y of our k i nd who ar e
qui t e c ont ent wi t h our l ot — t hey, t oo, wonder at how we l i v e. But y ou
s ee, j us t bec aus e we' v e been… deal t a c er t ai n hand… i t does n' t mean t hat
we c an' t c hoos e t o r i s e abov e — t o c onquer t he boundar i es of a dest i ny
t hat none of us want ed. To t r y t o r et ai n what ev er es s ent i al humani t y we
c an. "
I l ay unmov i ng, l oc k ed i n awed s i l enc e.
" Di d y ou f al l as l eep?" he whi s per ed af t er a f ew mi nut es .
" No. "
" I s t hat al l y ou wer e c ur i ous about ?"
I r ol l ed my ey es . " Not qui t e. "
" What el s e do y ou want t o k now?"
" Why c an y ou r ead mi nds — why onl y y ou? And Al i c e, s eei ng t he f ut ur e… why
does t hat happen?"
I f el t hi m s hr ug i n t he dar k nes s . " We don' t r eal l y k now. Car l i s l e has a
t heor y … he bel i ev es t hat we al l br i ng s omet hi ng of our s t r onges t human
t r ai t s wi t h us i nt o t he nex t l i f e, wher e t hey ar e i nt ens i f i ed — l i k e our
mi nds , and our s ens es . He t hi nk s t hat I mus t hav e al r eady been v er y
s ens i t i v e t o t he t hought s of t hose ar ound me. And t hat Al i c e had some
pr ec ogni t i on, wher ev er s he was . "
" What di d he br i ng i nt o t he nex t l i f e, and t he ot her s ?"
" Car l i s l e br ought hi s c ompas s i on. Es me br ought her abi l i t y t o l ov e
pas s i onat el y . Emmet t br ought hi s s t r engt h, Ros al i e her … t enac i t y . Or y ou
c oul d c al l i t pi gheadednes s . " he c huc k l ed. " J as per i s v er y i nt er est i ng.
He was qui t e c har i s mat i c i n hi s f i r s t l i f e, abl e t o i nf l uenc e t hose
ar ound hi m t o s ee t hi ngs hi s way . Now he i s abl e t o mani pul at e t he
emot i ons of t hos e ar ound hi m — c al m down a r oom of angr y peopl e, f or
ex ampl e, or ex c i t e a l et har gi c c r owd, c onv er s el y . I t ' s a v er y s ubt l e
gi f t . "
I c ons i der ed t he i mpos s i bi l i t i es he des c r i bed, t r y i ng t o t ak e i t i n. He
wai t ed pat i ent l y whi l e I t hought .
" So wher e di d i t al l s t ar t ? I mean, Car l i s l e c hanged y ou, and t hen
s omeone mus t hav e c hanged hi m, and s o on…"
" Wel l , wher e di d y ou c ome f r om? Ev ol ut i on? Cr eat i on? Coul dn' t we hav e
ev ol v ed i n t he s ame way as ot her s pec i es , pr edat or and pr ey ? Or , i f y ou
don' t bel i ev e t hat al l t hi s wor l d c oul d hav e j us t happened on i t s own,
whi c h i s har d f or me t o ac c ept mys el f , i s i t s o har d t o bel i ev e t hat t he
s ame f or c e t hat c r eat ed t he del i cat e angel f i s h wi t h t he s har k , t he baby
s eal and t he k i l l er whal e, c oul d c r eat e bot h our k i nds t oget her ?"
" Let me get t hi s s t r ai ght — I ' m t he baby s eal , r i ght ?"
" Ri ght . " He l aughed, and s omet hi ng t ouc hed my hai r — hi s l i ps ?
I want ed t o t ur n t owar d hi m, t o see i f i t was r eal l y hi s l i ps agai ns t my
hai r . But I had t o be good; I di dn' t want t o mak e t hi s any har der f or hi m
t han i t al r eady was .
" Ar e y ou r eady t o s l eep?" he as k ed, i nt er r upt i ng t he s hor t s i l enc e. " Or
do y ou hav e any mor e ques t i ons ?"
" Onl y a mi l l i on or t wo. "
" We hav e t omor r ow, and t he nex t day , and t he nex t …" he r emi nded me. I
s mi l ed, euphor i c at t he t hought .
" Ar e y ou s ur e y ou won' t v ani s h i n t he mor ni ng?" I want ed t hi s t o be
c er t ai n. " You ar e my t hi c al , af t er al l . "
" I won' t l eav e y ou. " Hi s v oi c e had t he s eal of a pr omi s e i n i t .
" One mor e, t hen, t oni ght …" And I bl us hed. The dar k nes s was no hel p — I ' m
s ur e he c oul d f eel t he s udden war mt h under my s k i n.
" What i s i t ?"
" No, f or get i t . I c hanged my mi nd. "
" Bel l a, y ou c an as k me any t hi ng. "
I di dn' t ans wer , and he gr oaned.
" I k eep t hi nk i ng i t wi l l get l es s f r us t r at i ng, not hear i ng y our t hought s .
But i t j us t get s wor s e and wor s e. "
" I ' m gl ad y ou c an' t r ead my t hought s . I t ' s bad enough t hat y ou eaves dr op
on my s l eep- t al k i ng. "
" Pl eas e?" Hi s v oi c e was s o per s uas i v e, s o i mpos s i bl e t o r es i s t .
I s hook my head.
" I f y ou don' t t el l me, I ' l l j us t as s ume i t ' s s omet hi ng muc h wor s e t han i t
i s , " he t hr eat ened dar k l y . " Pl ease?" Agai n, t hat pl eadi ng v oi c e.
" Wel l , " I began, gl ad t hat he c oul dn' t s ee my f ac e.
" Yes ?"
" You s ai d t hat Ros al i e and Emmet t wi l l get mar r i ed s oon… I s t hat …
mar r i age… t he s ame as i t i s f or humans ?"
He l aughed i n ear nes t now, under st andi ng. " I s t hat what y ou' r e get t i ng
at ?"
I f i dget ed, unabl e t o ans wer .
" Yes , I s uppos e i t i s muc h t he s ame, " he s ai d. " I t ol d y ou, mos t of t hos e
human des i r es ar e t her e, j us t hi dden behi nd mor e power f ul des i r es . "
" Oh, " was al l I c oul d s ay .
" Was t her e a pur pos e behi nd y our c ur i os i t y ?"
" Wel l , I di d wonder … about y ou and me… s omeday …"
He was i ns t ant l y s er i ous , I c oul d t el l by t he s udden s t i l l nes s of hi s
body . I f r oz e, t oo, r eac t i ng aut omat i c al l y .
" I don' t t hi nk t hat … t hat … woul d be pos s i bl e f or us . "
" Bec aus e i t woul d be t oo har d f or y ou, i f I wer e t hat … c l os e?"
" That ' s c er t ai nl y a pr obl em. But t hat ' s not what I was t hi nk i ng of . I t ' s
j us t t hat y ou ar e s o s of t , s o f r agi l e. I hav e t o mi nd my ac t i ons ev er y
moment t hat we' r e t oget her s o t hat I don' t hur t y ou. I c oul d k i l l y ou
qui t e eas i l y , Bel l a, s i mpl y by acc i dent . " Hi s v oi c e had bec ome j ust a
s of t mur mur . He mov ed hi s i c y pal m t o r es t i t agai ns t my c heek . " I f I was
t oo has t y … i f f or one s ec ond I was n' t pay i ng enough at t ent i on, I coul d
r eac h out , meani ng t o t ouc h y our f ac e, and c r us h y our s k ul l by mi st ak e.
You don' t r eal i z e how i nc r edi bl y br eak abl e y ou ar e. I c an nev er , nev er
af f or d t o l os e any k i nd of c ont r ol when I ' m wi t h y ou. "
He wai t ed f or me t o r es pond, gr owi ng anx i ous when I di dn' t . " Ar e you
s c ar ed?" he as k ed.
I wai t ed f or a mi nut e t o ans wer , s o t he wor ds woul d be t r ue. " No. I ' m
f i ne. "
He s eemed t o del i ber at e f or a moment . " I ' m c ur i ous now, t hough, " he s ai d,
hi s v oi c e l i ght agai n. " Hav e y ou ev er … ?" He t r ai l ed of f s ugges t i vel y .
" Of c our s e not . " I f l us hed. " I t ol d y ou I ' v e nev er f el t l i k e t hi s about
any one bef or e, not ev en c l os e. "
" I k now. I t ' s j us t t hat I k now ot her peopl e' s t hought s . I k now l ove and
l us t don' t al way s k eep t he s ame company . "
" They do f or me. Now, any way , t hat t hey ex i s t f or me at al l , " I s i ghed.
" That ' s ni c e. We hav e t hat one t hi ng i n c ommon, at l eas t . " He s ounded
s at i s f i ed.
" Your human i ns t i nc t s …" I began. He wai t ed. " Wel l , do y ou f i nd me
at t r ac t i v e, i n t hat way , at al l ?"
He l aughed and l i ght l y r umpl ed my near l y dr y hai r .
" I may not be a human, but I am a man, " he as s ur ed me.
I y awned i nv ol unt ar i l y .
" I ' v e ans wer ed y our ques t i ons , now y ou s houl d s l eep, " he i ns i s t ed.
" I ' m not s ur e i f I c an. "
" Do y ou want me t o l eav e?"
" No! " I s ai d t oo l oudl y .
He l aughed, and t hen began t o hum t hat s ame, unf ami l i ar l ul l aby ; t he
v oi c e of an ar c hangel , s of t i n my ear .
Mor e t i r ed t han I r eal i z ed, ex haus t ed f r om t he l ong day of ment al and
emot i onal s t r es s l i k e I ' d nev er f el t bef or e, I dr i f t ed t o s l eep i n hi s
c ol d ar ms .
===========================================================================
15. THE CULLENS

The mut ed l i ght of y et anot her c l oudy day ev ent ual l y wok e me. I l ay wi t h
my ar m ac r os s my ey es , gr oggy and daz ed. Somet hi ng, a dr eam t r y i ng t o be
r emember ed, s t r uggl ed t o br eak i nt o my c ons c i ous nes s . I moaned and r ol l ed
on my s i de, hopi ng mor e s l eep woul d c ome. And t hen t he pr ev i ous day
f l ooded bac k i nt o my awar enes s .
" Oh! " I s at up s o f as t i t made my head s pi n.
" Your hai r l ook s l i k e a hay s t ac k … but I l i k e i t . " Hi s unr uf f l ed v oi c e
c ame f r om t he r oc k i ng c hai r i n t he c or ner .
" Edwar d! You s t ay ed! " I r ej oi c ed, and t hought l es s l y t hr ew my s el f ac r os s
t he r oom and i nt o hi s l ap. I n t he i ns t ant t hat my t hought s c aught up wi t h
my ac t i ons , I f r oz e, s hoc k ed by my own unc ont r ol l ed ent hus i as m. I s t ar ed
up at hi m, af r ai d t hat I had c r oss ed t he wr ong l i ne.
But he l aughed.
" Of c our s e, " he ans wer ed, s t ar t l ed, but s eemi ng pl eas ed by my r eact i on.
Hi s hands r ubbed my bac k .
I l ai d my head c aut i ous l y agai ns t hi s s houl der , br eat hi ng i n t he smel l of
hi s s k i n.
" I was s ur e i t was a dr eam. "
" You' r e not t hat c r eat i v e, " he s cof f ed.
" Char l i e! " I r emember ed, t hought l es s l y j umpi ng up agai n and headi ng t o
t he door .
" He l ef t an hour ago — af t er r eat t ac hi ng y our bat t er y c abl es , I mi ght
add. I hav e t o admi t I was di s appoi nt ed. I s t hat r eal l y al l i t woul d t ak e
t o s t op y ou, i f y ou wer e det er mi ned t o go?"
I del i ber at ed wher e I s t ood, want i ng t o r et ur n t o hi m badl y , but af r ai d I
mi ght hav e mor ni ng br eat h.
" You' r e not us ual l y t hi s c onf us ed i n t he mor ni ng, " he not ed. He hel d hi s
ar ms open f or me t o r et ur n. A near l y i r r es i s t i bl e i nv i t at i on.
" I need anot her human mi nut e, " I admi t t ed.
" I ' l l wai t . "
I s k i pped t o t he bat hr oom, my emot i ons unr ec ogni z abl e. I di dn' t k now
my s el f , i ns i de or out . The f ac e i n t he mi r r or was pr ac t i c al l y a s t r anger
— ey es t oo br i ght , hec t i c s pot s of r ed ac r os s my c heek bones . Af t er I
br us hed my t eet h, I wor k ed t o s t r ai ght en out t he t angl ed c haos t hat was
my hai r . I s pl as hed my f ac e wi t h c ol d wat er , and t r i ed t o br eat he
nor mal l y , wi t h no not i c eabl e s uc ces s . I hal f - r an bac k t o my r oom.
I t s eemed l i k e a mi r ac l e t hat he was t her e, hi s ar ms s t i l l wai t i ng f or
me. He r eac hed out t o me, and my hear t t humped uns t eadi l y .
" Wel c ome bac k , " he mur mur ed, t ak i ng me i nt o hi s ar ms .
He r oc k ed me f or a whi l e i n s i l enc e, unt i l I not i c ed t hat hi s c l ot hes
wer e c hanged, hi s hai r s moot h.
" You l ef t ?" I ac c us ed, t ouc hi ng t he c ol l ar of hi s f r es h s hi r t .
" I c oul d har dl y l eav e i n t he c l ot hes I c ame i n — what woul d t he nei ghbor s
t hi nk ?"
I pout ed.
" You wer e v er y deepl y as l eep; I di dn' t mi s s any t hi ng. " Hi s ey es gl eamed.
" The t al k i ng c ame ear l i er . "
I gr oaned. " What di d y ou hear ?"
Hi s gol d ey es gr ew v er y s of t . " You s ai d y ou l ov ed me. "
" You k new t hat al r eady , " I r emi nded hi m, duc k i ng my head.
" I t was ni c e t o hear , j us t t he s ame. "
I hi d my f ac e agai ns t hi s s houl der .
" I l ov e y ou, " I whi s per ed.
" You ar e my l i f e now, " he ans wer ed s i mpl y .
Ther e was not hi ng mor e t o s ay f or t he moment . He r oc k ed us bac k and f or t h
as t he r oom gr ew l i ght er .
" Br eak f as t t i me, " he s ai d ev ent ual l y , c as ual l y — t o pr ov e, I ' m s ur e, t hat
he r emember ed al l my human f r ai l t i es .
So I c l ut c hed my t hr oat wi t h bot h hands and s t ar ed at hi m wi t h wi de ey es .
Shoc k c r os s ed hi s f ac e.
" Ki ddi ng! " I s ni c k er ed. " And y ou s ai d I c oul dn' t ac t ! "
He f r owned i n di s gus t . " That was n' t f unny . "
" I t was v er y f unny , and y ou k now i t . " But I ex ami ned hi s gol d ey es
c ar ef ul l y , t o mak e s ur e t hat I was f or gi v en. Appar ent l y , I was .
" Shal l I r ephr as e?" he as k ed. " Br eak f as t t i me f or t he human. "
" Oh, ok ay . "
He t hr ew me ov er hi s s t one s houl der , gent l y , but wi t h a s wi f t nes s t hat
l ef t me br eat hl es s . I pr ot es t ed as he c ar r i ed me eas i l y down t he st ai r s ,
but he i gnor ed me. He s at me r i ght s i de up on a c hai r .
The k i t c hen was br i ght , happy , s eemi ng t o abs or b my mood.
" What ' s f or br eak f as t ?" I as k ed pl eas ant l y .
That t hr ew hi m f or a mi nut e.
" Er , I ' m not s ur e. What woul d y ou l i k e?" Hi s mar bl e br ow puc k er ed.
I gr i nned, hoppi ng up.
" That ' s al l r i ght , I f end f or my sel f pr et t y wel l . Wat c h me hunt . "
I f ound a bowl and a box of c er eal . I c oul d f eel hi s ey es on me as I
pour ed t he mi l k and gr abbed a s poon. I s at my f ood on t he t abl e, and t hen
paus ed.
" Can I get y ou any t hi ng?" I as k ed, not want i ng t o be r ude.
He r ol l ed hi s ey es . " J us t eat , Bel l a. "
I s at at t he t abl e, wat c hi ng hi m as I t ook a bi t e. He was gaz i ng at me,
s t udy i ng my ev er y mov ement . I t made me s el f - c ons c i ous . I c l ear ed my mout h
t o s peak , t o di s t r ac t hi m.
" What ' s on t he agenda f or t oday ?" I as k ed.
" Hmmm…" I wat c hed hi m f r ame hi s ans wer c ar ef ul l y . " What woul d y ou s ay t o
meet i ng my f ami l y ?"
I gul ped.
" Ar e y ou af r ai d now?" He s ounded hopef ul .
" Yes , " I admi t t ed; how c oul d I deny i t — he c oul d s ee my ey es .
" Don' t wor r y . " He s mi r k ed. " I ' l l pr ot ec t y ou. "
" I ' m not af r ai d of t hem, " I ex pl ai ned. " I ' m af r ai d t hey won' t … l i ke me.
Won' t t hey be, wel l , s ur pr i s ed t hat y ou woul d br i ng s omeone… l i k e me…
home t o meet t hem? Do t hey k now t hat I k now about t hem?"
" Oh, t hey al r eady k now ev er y t hi ng. They ' d t ak en bet s y es t er day , y ou k now"
— he s mi l ed, but hi s v oi c e was har s h — " on whet her I ' d br i ng y ou bac k ,
t hough why any one woul d bet agai ns t Al i c e, I c an' t i magi ne. At any r at e,
we don' t hav e s ec r et s i n t he f ami l y . I t ' s not r eal l y f eas i bl e, what wi t h
my mi nd r eadi ng and Al i c e s eei ng t he f ut ur e and al l t hat . "
" And J as per mak i ng y ou f eel al l war m and f uz z y about s pi l l i ng y our gut s ,
don' t f or get t hat . "
" You pai d at t ent i on, " he s mi l ed appr ov i ngl y .
" I ' v e been k nown t o do t hat ev er y now and t hen. " I gr i mac ed. " So di d
Al i c e s ee me c omi ng?"
Hi s r eac t i on was s t r ange. " Somet hi ng l i k e t hat , " he s ai d unc omf or t abl y ,
t ur ni ng away s o I c oul dn' t s ee hi s ey es . I s t ar ed at hi m c ur i ous l y.
" I s t hat any good?" he as k ed, t ur ni ng bac k t o me abr upt l y and ey ei ng my
br eak f as t wi t h a t eas i ng l ook on hi s f ac e. " Hones t l y , i t does n' t l ook
v er y appet i z i ng. "
" Wel l , i t ' s no i r r i t abl e gr i z z l y …" I mur mur ed, i gnor i ng hi m when he
gl ower ed. I was s t i l l wonder i ng why he r es ponded t hat way when I
ment i oned Al i c e. I hur r i ed t hr ough my c er eal , s pec ul at i ng.
He s t ood i n t he mi ddl e of t he k i t c hen, t he s t at ue of Adoni s agai n,
s t ar i ng abs t r ac t edl y out t he bac k wi ndows .
Then hi s ey es wer e bac k on me, and he s mi l ed hi s hear t br eak i ng s mi l e.
" And y ou s houl d i nt r oduc e me t o your f at her , t oo, I t hi nk . "
" He al r eady k nows y ou, " I r emi nded hi m.
" As y our boy f r i end, I mean. "
I s t ar ed at hi m wi t h s us pi c i on. " Why ?"
" I s n' t t hat c us t omar y ?" he as k ed i nnoc ent l y .
" I don' t k now, " I admi t t ed. My dat i ng hi s t or y gav e me f ew r ef er ence
poi nt s t o wor k wi t h. Not t hat any nor mal r ul es of dat i ng appl i ed her e.
" That ' s not nec es s ar y , y ou k now. I don' t ex pec t y ou t o… I mean, y ou don' t
hav e t o pr et end f or me. "
Hi s s mi l e was pat i ent . " I ' m not pr et endi ng. "
I pus hed t he r emai ns of my c er eal ar ound t he edges of t he bowl , bi t i ng my
l i p.
" Ar e y ou goi ng t o t el l Char l i e I ' m y our boy f r i end or not ?" he demanded.
" I s t hat what y ou ar e?" I s uppr ess ed my i nt er nal c r i ngi ng at t he t hought
of Edwar d and Char l i e and t he wor d boy f r i end al l i n t he s ame r oom at t he
s ame t i me.
" I t ' s a l oos e i nt er pr et at i on of t he wor d ' boy , ' I ' l l admi t . "
" I was under t he i mpr es s i on t hat y ou wer e s omet hi ng mor e, ac t ual l y, " I
c onf es s ed, l ook i ng at t he t abl e.
" Wel l , I don' t k now i f we need t o gi v e hi m al l t he gor y det ai l s . " He
r eac hed ac r os s t he t abl e t o l i f t my c hi n wi t h a c ol d, gent l e f i nger . " But
he wi l l need s ome ex pl anat i on f or why I ' m ar ound her e s o muc h. I don' t
want Chi ef Swan get t i ng a r es t r ai ni ng or der put on me. "
" Wi l l y ou be?" I as k ed, s uddenl y anx i ous . " Wi l l y ou r eal l y be her e?"
" As l ong as y ou want me, " he as s ur ed me.
" I ' l l al way s want y ou, " I war ned hi m. " For ev er . "
He wal k ed s l owl y ar ound t he t abl e, and, paus i ng a f ew f eet away , he
r eac hed out t o t ouc h hi s f i nger t i ps t o my c heek . Hi s ex pr es s i on was
unf at homabl e.
" Does t hat mak e y ou s ad?" I as k ed.
He di dn' t ans wer . He s t ar ed i nt o my ey es f or an i mmeas ur abl e per i od of
t i me.
" Ar e y ou f i ni s hed?" he f i nal l y ask ed.
I j umped up. " Yes . "
" Get dr es s ed — I ' l l wai t her e. "
I t was har d t o dec i de what t o wear . I doubt ed t her e wer e any et i quet t e
book s det ai l i ng how t o dr es s when y our v ampi r e s weet hear t t ak es y ou home
t o meet hi s v ampi r e f ami l y . I t was a r el i ef t o t hi nk t he wor d t o my s el f .
I k new I s hi ed away f r om i t i nt ent i onal l y .
I ended up i n my onl y s k i r t — l ong, k hak i - c ol or ed, s t i l l c as ual . I put on
t he dar k bl ue bl ous e he' d onc e c ompl i ment ed. A qui c k gl anc e i n t he mi r r or
t ol d me my hai r was ent i r el y i mpos s i bl e, s o I pul l ed i t bac k i nt o a pony
t ai l .
" Ok ay . " I bounc ed down t he s t ai r s. " I ' m dec ent . "
He was wai t i ng at t he f oot of t he s t ai r s , c l os er t han I ' d t hought , and I
bounded r i ght i nt o hi m. He s t eadi ed me, hol di ng me a c ar ef ul di s t anc e
away f or a f ew s ec onds bef or e s uddenl y pul l i ng me c l os er .
" Wr ong agai n, " he mur mur ed i n my ear . " You ar e ut t er l y i ndec ent — no one
s houl d l ook s o t empt i ng, i t ' s not f ai r . "
" Tempt i ng how?" I as k ed. " I c an change…"
He s i ghed, s hak i ng hi s head. " You ar e s o abs ur d. " He pr es s ed hi s cool
l i ps del i c at el y t o my f or ehead, and t he r oom s pun. The s mel l of hi s
br eat h made i t i mpos s i bl e t o t hi nk .
" Shal l I ex pl ai n how y ou ar e t empt i ng me?" he s ai d. I t was c l ear l y a
r het or i c al ques t i on. Hi s f i nger s t r ac ed s l owl y down my s pi ne, hi s br eat h
c omi ng mor e qui c k l y agai ns t my s ki n. My hands wer e l i mp on hi s c hes t , and
I f el t l i ght headed agai n. He t i l t ed hi s head s l owl y and t ouc hed hi s c ool
l i ps t o mi ne f or t he s ec ond t i me, v er y c ar ef ul l y , par t i ng t hem s l i ght l y .
And t hen I c ol l aps ed.
" Bel l a?" Hi s v oi c e was al ar med as he c aught me and hel d me up.
" You… made… me… f ai nt , " I ac c us ed hi m di z z i l y .
" What am I goi ng t o do wi t h y ou?" he gr oaned i n ex as per at i on. " Yest er day
I k i s s y ou, and y ou at t ac k me! Today y ou pas s out on me! "
I l aughed weak l y , l et t i ng hi s ar ms s uppor t me whi l e my head s pun.
" So muc h f or bei ng good at ev er y t hi ng, " he s i ghed.
" That ' s t he pr obl em. " I was s t i l l di z z y . " You' r e t oo good. Far , f ar t oo
good. "
" Do y ou f eel s i c k ?" he as k ed; he' d s een me l i k e t hi s bef or e.
" No — t hat was n' t t he s ame k i nd of f ai nt i ng at al l . I don' t k now what
happened. " I s hook my head apol oget i c al l v , " I t hi nk I f or got t o br eat he. "
" I c an' t t ak e y ou any wher e l i k e t hi s . "
" I ' m f i ne, " I i ns i s t ed. " Your f ami l y i s goi ng t o t hi nk I ' m i ns ane any way ,
what ' s t he di f f er enc e?"
He meas ur ed my ex pr es s i on f or a moment . " I ' m v er y par t i al t o t hat c ol or
wi t h y our s k i n, " he of f er ed unex pec t edl y . I f l us hed wi t h pl eas ur e, and
l ook ed away .
" Look , I ' m t r y i ng r eal l y har d not t o t hi nk about what I ' m about t o do, s o
c an we go al r eady ?" I as k ed.
" And y ou' r e wor r i ed, not bec aus e y ou' r e headed t o meet a hous ef ul of
v ampi r es , but bec aus e y ou t hi nk t hos e v ampi r es won' t appr ov e of y ou,
c or r ec t ?"
" That ' s r i ght , " I ans wer ed i mmedi at el y , hi di ng my s ur pr i s e at hi s c as ual
us e of t he wor d.
He s hook hi s head. " You' r e i nc r edi bl e. "
I r eal i z ed, as he dr ov e my t r uc k out of t he mai n par t of t own, t hat I had
no i dea wher e he l i v ed. We pas s ed ov er t he br i dge at t he Cal awah Ri v er ,
t he r oad wi ndi ng nor t hwar d, t he hous es f l as hi ng pas t us gr owi ng f ar t her
apar t , get t i ng bi gger . And t hen we wer e pas t t he ot her hous es al t oget her ,
dr i v i ng t hr ough mi s t y f or es t . I was t r y i ng t o dec i de whet her t o ask or be
pat i ent , when he t ur ned abr upt l y ont o an unpav ed r oad. I t was unmar k ed,
bar el y v i s i bl e among t he f er ns . The f or es t enc r oac hed on bot h s i des ,
l eav i ng t he r oad ahead onl y di s c er ni bl e f or a f ew met er s as i t t wi s t ed,
s er pent l i k e, ar ound t he anc i ent t r ees .
And t hen, af t er a f ew mi l es , t her e was s ome t hi nni ng of t he woods , and we
wer e s uddenl y i n a s mal l meadow, or was i t ac t ual l y a l awn? The gl oom of
t he f or es t di dn' t r el ent , t hough, f or t her e wer e s i x pr i mor di al c edar s
t hat s haded an ent i r e ac r e wi t h t hei r v as t s weep of br anc hes . The t r ees
hel d t hei r pr ot ec t i ng s hadow r i ght up t o t he wal l s of t he hous e t hat r os e
among t hem, mak i ng obs ol et e t he deep por c h t hat wr apped ar ound t he f i r s t
s t or y .
I don' t k now what I had ex pec t ed, but i t def i ni t el y was n' t t hi s . The
hous e was t i mel es s , gr ac ef ul , and pr obabl y a hundr ed y ear s ol d. I t was
pai nt ed a s of t , f aded whi t e, t hr ee s t or i es t al l , r ec t angul ar and wel l
pr opor t i oned. The wi ndows and door s wer e ei t her par t of t he or i gi nal
s t r uc t ur e or a per f ec t r es t or at i on. My t r uc k was t he onl y c ar i n si ght . I
c oul d hear t he r i v er c l os e by , hi dden i n t he obs c ur i t y of t he f or es t .
" Wow. "
" You l i k e i t ?" He s mi l ed.
" I t … has a c er t ai n c har m. "
He pul l ed t he end of my pony t ai l and c huc k l ed.
" Ready ?" he as k ed, openi ng my door .
" Not ev en a l i t t l e bi t — l et ' s go. " I t r i ed t o l augh, but i t s eemed t o
get s t uc k i n my t hr oat . I s moot hed my hai r ner v ous l y .
" You l ook l ov el y . " He t ook my hand eas i l y , wi t hout t hi nk i ng about i t .
We wal k ed t hr ough t he deep s hade up t o t he por c h. I k new he c oul d f eel my
t ens i on; hi s t humb r ubbed s oot hi ng c i r c l es i nt o t he bac k of my hand.
He opened t he door f or me.
The i ns i de was ev en mor e s ur pr i s i ng, l es s pr edi c t abl e, t han t he ext er i or .
I t was v er y br i ght , v er y open, and v er y l ar ge. Thi s mus t hav e or i gi nal l y
been s ev er al r ooms , but t he wal l s had been r emov ed f r om mos t of t he f i r s t
f l oor t o c r eat e one wi de s pac e. The bac k , s out h- f ac i ng wal l had been
ent i r el y r epl ac ed wi t h gl as s , and, bey ond t he s hade of t he c edar s , t he
l awn s t r et c hed bar e t o t he wi de r i v er . A mas s i v e c ur v i ng s t ai r c as e
domi nat ed t he wes t s i de of t he r oom. The wal l s , t he hi gh- beamed c ei l i ng,
t he wooden f l oor s , and t he t hi c k c ar pet s wer e al l v ar y i ng s hades of whi t e.
Wai t i ng t o gr eet us , s t andi ng j ust t o t he l ef t of t he door , on a r ai s ed
por t i on of t he f l oor by a s pec t acul ar gr and pi ano, wer e Edwar d' s par ent s .
I ' d s een Dr . Cul l en bef or e, of c our s e, y et I c oul dn' t hel p but be s t r uc k
agai n by hi s y out h, hi s out r ageous per f ec t i on. At hi s s i de was Es me, I
as s umed, t he onl y one of t he f ami l y I ' d nev er s een bef or e. She had t he
s ame pal e, beaut i f ul f eat ur es as t he r es t of t hem. Somet hi ng about her
hear t - s haped f ac e, her bi l l ows of s of t , c ar amel - c ol or ed hai r , r emi nded me
of t he i ngénues of t he s i l ent - movi e er a. She was s mal l , s l ender , yet l es s
angul ar , mor e r ounded t han t he ot her s . They wer e bot h dr es s ed c as ual l y ,
i n l i ght c ol or s t hat mat c hed t he i ns i de of t he hous e. They s mi l ed i n
wel c ome, but made no mov e t o appr oac h us . Tr y i ng not t o f r i ght en me, I
gues s ed.
" Car l i s l e, Es me, " Edwar d' s v oi c e br ok e t he s hor t s i l enc e, " t hi s i s Bel l a. "
" You' r e v er y wel c ome, Bel l a. " Car l i s l e' s s t ep was meas ur ed, c ar ef ul as he
appr oac hed me. He r ai s ed hi s hand t ent at i v el y , and I s t epped f or war d t o
s hak e hands wi t h hi m.
" I t ' s ni c e t o s ee y ou agai n, Dr . Cul l en. "
" Pl eas e, c al l me Car l i s l e. "
" Car l i s l e. " I gr i nned at hi m, my s udden c onf i denc e s ur pr i s i ng me. I c oul d
f eel Edwar d' s r el i ef at my s i de.
Es me s mi l ed and s t epped f or war d as wel l , r eac hi ng f or my hand. Her c ol d,
s t one gr as p was j us t as I ex pec t ed.
" I t ' s v er y ni c e t o k now y ou, " s he s ai d s i nc er el y .
" Thank y ou. I ' m gl ad t o meet y ou, t oo. " And I was . I t was l i k e meet i ng a
f ai r y t al e — Snow Whi t e, i n t he f l es h.
" Wher e ar e Al i c e and J as per ?" Edwar d as k ed, but no one ans wer ed, as t hey
had j us t appear ed at t he t op of t he wi de s t ai r c as e.
" Hey , Edwar d! " Al i c e c al l ed ent hus i as t i c al l y . She r an down t he s t ai r s , a
s t r eak of bl ac k hai r and whi t e s ki n, c omi ng t o a s udden and gr ac ef ul s t op
i n f r ont of me. Car l i s l e and Es me s hot war ni ng gl anc es at her , but I
l i k ed i t . I t was nat ur al — f or her , any way .
" Hi , Bel l a! " Al i c e s ai d, and s he bounc ed f or war d t o k i s s my c heek . I f
Car l i s l e and Es me had l ook ed c aut i ous bef or e, t hey now l ook ed s t agger ed.
Ther e was s hoc k i n my ey es , t oo, but I was al s o v er y pl eas ed t hat s he
s eemed t o appr ov e of me s o ent i r el y . I was s t ar t l ed t o f eel Edwar d
s t i f f en at my s i de. I gl anc ed at hi s f ac e, but hi s ex pr es s i on was
unr eadabl e.
" You do s mel l ni c e, I nev er not i ced bef or e, " s he c omment ed, t o my ex t r eme
embar r as s ment .
No one el s e s eemed t o k now qui t e what t o s ay , and t hen J as per was t her e —
t al l and l eoni ne. A f eel i ng of eas e s pr ead t hr ough me, and I was suddenl y
c omf or t abl e des pi t e wher e I was . Edwar d s t ar ed at J as per , r ai s i ng one
ey ebr ow, and I r emember ed what J as per c oul d do.
" Hel l o, Bel l a, " J as per s ai d. He kept hi s di s t anc e, not of f er i ng t o s hak e
my hand. But i t was i mpos s i bl e t o f eel awk war d near hi m.
" Hel l o, J as per . " I s mi l ed at hi m s hy l y , and t hen at t he ot her s . " I t ' s
ni c e t o meet y ou al l — y ou hav e a v er y beaut i f ul home, " I added
c onv ent i onal l y .
" Thank y ou, " Es me s ai d. " We' r e s o gl ad t hat y ou c ame. " She s pok e wi t h
f eel i ng, and I r eal i z ed t hat s he t hought I was br av e.
I al s o r eal i z ed t hat Ros al i e and Emmet t wer e nowher e t o be s een, and I
r emember ed Edwar d' s t oo- i nnoc ent deni al when I ' d as k ed hi m i f t he ot her s
di dn' t l i k e me.
Car l i s l e' s ex pr es s i on di s t r ac t ed me f r om t hi s t r ai n of t hought ; he was
gaz i ng meani ngf ul l y at Edwar d wi t h an i nt ens e ex pr es s i on. Out of t he
c or ner of my ey e, I s aw Edwar d nod onc e.
I l ook ed away , t r y i ng t o be pol i t e. My ey es wander ed agai n t o t he
beaut i f ul i ns t r ument on t he pl at f or m by t he door . I s uddenl y r emember ed
my c hi l dhood f ant as y t hat , s houl d I ev er wi n a l ot t er y , I woul d buy a
gr and pi ano f or my mot her . She was n' t r eal l y good — s he onl y pl ay ed f or
her s el f on our s ec ondhand upr i ght — but I l ov ed t o wat c h her pl ay . She
was happy , abs or bed — s he s eemed l i k e a new, my s t er i ous bei ng t o me t hen,
s omeone out s i de t he " mom" per s ona I t ook f or gr ant ed. She' d put me
t hr ough l es s ons , of c our s e, but l i k e mos t k i ds , I whi ned unt i l s he l et me
qui t .
Es me not i c ed my pr eoc c upat i on.
" Do y ou pl ay ?" s he as k ed, i nc l i ni ng her head t owar d t he pi ano.
I s hook my head. " Not at al l . But i t ' s s o beaut i f ul . I s i t y our s ?"
" No, " s he l aughed. " Edwar d di dn' t t el l y ou he was mus i c al ?"
" No. " I gl ar ed at hi s s uddenl y i nnoc ent ex pr es s i on wi t h nar r owed ey es . " I
s houl d hav e k nown, I gues s . "
Es me r ai s ed her del i c at e ey ebr ows i n c onf us i on.
" Edwar d c an do ev er y t hi ng, r i ght ?" I ex pl ai ned.
J as per s ni c k er ed and Es me gav e Edwar d a r epr ov i ng l ook .
" I hope y ou hav en' t been s howi ng of f — i t ' s r ude, " s he s c ol ded.
" J us t a bi t , " he l aughed f r eel y . Her f ac e s of t ened at t he s ound, and t hey
s har ed a br i ef l ook t hat I di dn' t under s t and, t hough Es me' s f ac e seemed
al mos t s mug.
" He' s been t oo modes t , ac t ual l y , " I c or r ec t ed.
" Wel l , pl ay f or her , " Es me enc our aged.
" You j us t s ai d s howi ng of f was r ude, " he obj ec t ed.
" Ther e ar e ex c ept i ons t o ev er y r ul e, " s he r epl i ed.
" I ' d l i k e t o hear y ou pl ay , " I v ol unt eer ed.
" I t ' s s et t l ed t hen. " Es me pus hed hi m t owar d t he pi ano. He pul l ed me
al ong, s i t t i ng me on t he benc h bes i de hi m.
He gav e me a l ong, ex as per at ed l ook bef or e he t ur ned t o t he k ey s .
And t hen hi s f i nger s f l owed s wi f t l y ac r os s t he i v or y , and t he r oom was
f i l l ed wi t h a c ompos i t i on s o c ompl ex , s o l ux ur i ant , i t was i mpos s i bl e t o
bel i ev e onl y one s et of hands pl ay ed. I f el t my c hi n dr op, my mout h open
i n as t oni s hment , and hear d l ow c huc k l es behi nd me at my r eac t i on.
Edwar d l ook ed at me c as ual l y , t he mus i c s t i l l s ur gi ng ar ound us wi t hout a
br eak , and wi nk ed. " Do y ou l i k e i t ?"
" You wr ot e t hi s ?" I gas ped, under s t andi ng.
He nodded. " I t ' s Es me' s f av or i t e. "
I c l os ed my ey es , s hak i ng my head.
" What ' s wr ong?"
" I ' m f eel i ng ex t r emel y i ns i gni f i cant . "
The mus i c s l owed, t r ans f or mi ng i nt o s omet hi ng s of t er , and t o my s ur pr i s e
I det ec t ed t he mel ody of hi s l ul l aby weav i ng t hr ough t he pr of us i on of
not es .
" You i ns pi r ed t hi s one, " he s ai d s of t l y . The mus i c gr ew unbear abl y s weet .
I c oul dn' t s peak .
" They l i k e y ou, y ou k now, " he s ai d c onv er s at i onal l y . " Es me es pec i al l y . "
I gl anc ed behi nd me, but t he huge r oom was empt y now.
" Wher e di d t hey go?"
" Ver y s ubt l y gi v i ng us s ome pr i v ac y , I s uppos e. "
I s i ghed. " They l i k e me. But Ros al i e and Emmet t …" I t r ai l ed of f , not s ur e
how t o ex pr es s my doubt s .
He f r owned. " Don' t wor r y about Ros al i e, " he s ai d, hi s ey es wi de and
per s uas i v e. " She' l l c ome ar ound. "
I pur s ed my l i ps s k ept i c al l y . " Emmet t ?"
" Wel l , he t hi nk s I ' m a l unat i c , i t ' s t r ue, but he does n' t hav e a pr obl em
wi t h y ou. He' s t r y i ng t o r eas on wi t h Ros al i e. "
" What i s i t t hat ups et s her ?" I was n' t s ur e i f I want ed t o k now t he
ans wer .
He s i ghed deepl y . " Ros al i e s t r uggl es t he mos t wi t h… wi t h what we ar e.
I t ' s har d f or her t o hav e s omeone on t he out s i de k now t he t r ut h. And
s he' s a l i t t l e j eal ous . "
" Ros al i e i s j eal ous of me?" I as ked i nc r edul ous l y . I t r i ed t o i magi ne a
uni v er s e i n whi c h s omeone as br eat ht ak i ng as Ros al i e woul d hav e any
pos s i bl e r eas on t o f eel j eal ous of s omeone l i k e me.
" You' r e human. " He s hr ugged. " She wi s hes t hat s he wer e, t oo. "
" Oh, " I mut t er ed, s t i l l s t unned. " Ev en J as per , t hough…"
" That ' s r eal l y my f aul t , " he s ai d. " I t ol d y ou he was t he mos t r ecent t o
t r y our way of l i f e. I war ned hi m t o k eep hi s di s t anc e. "
I t hought about t he r eas on f or t hat , and s hudder ed.
" Es me and Car l i s l e… ?" I c ont i nued qui c k l y , t o k eep hi m f r om not i ci ng.
" Ar e happy t o s ee me happy . Ac t ual l y , Es me woul dn' t c ar e i f y ou had a
t hi r d ey e and webbed f eet . Al l t hi s t i me s he' s been wor r i ed about me,
af r ai d t hat t her e was s omet hi ng mi s s i ng f r om my es s ent i al mak eup, t hat I
was t oo y oung when Car l i s l e c hanged me… She' s ec s t at i c . Ev er y t i me I
t ouc h y ou, s he j us t about c hok es wi t h s at i s f ac t i on. "
" Al i c e s eems v er y … ent hus i as t i c . "
" Al i c e has her own way of l ook i ng at t hi ngs , " he s ai d t hr ough t i ght l i ps .
" And y ou' r e not goi ng t o ex pl ai n t hat , ar e y ou?"
A moment of wor dl es s c ommuni c at i on pas s ed bet ween us . He r eal i z ed t hat I
k new he was k eepi ng s omet hi ng f r om me. I r eal i z ed t hat he was n' t goi ng t o
gi v e any t hi ng away . Not now.
" So what was Car l i s l e t el l i ng y ou bef or e?"
Hi s ey ebr ows pul l ed t oget her . " You not i c ed t hat , di d y ou?"
I s hr ugged. " Of c our s e. "
He l ook ed at me t hought f ul l y f or a f ew s ec onds bef or e ans wer i ng. " He
want ed t o t el l me s ome news — he di dn' t k now i f i t was s omet hi ng I woul d
s har e wi t h y ou. "
" Wi l l y ou?"
" I hav e t o, bec aus e I ' m goi ng t o be a l i t t l e… ov er bear i ngl y pr ot ect i v e
ov er t he nex t f ew day s — or week s — and I woul dn' t want y ou t o t hi nk I ' m
nat ur al l y a t y r ant . "
" What ' s wr ong?"
" Not hi ng' s wr ong, ex ac t l y . Al i c e j us t s ees s ome v i s i t or s c omi ng s oon.
They k now we' r e her e, and t hey ' r e c ur i ous . "
" Vi s i t or s ?"
" Yes … wel l , t hey ar en' t l i k e us , of c our s e — i n t hei r hunt i ng habi t s , I
mean. They pr obabl y won' t c ome i nt o t own at al l , but I ' m c er t ai nl y not
goi ng t o l et y ou out of my s i ght t i l l t hey ' r e gone. "
I s hi v er ed.
" Fi nal l y , a r at i onal r es pons e! " he mur mur ed. " I was begi nni ng t o t hi nk
y ou had no s ens e of s el f - pr es er v at i on at al l . "
I l et t hat one pas s , l ook i ng away, my ey es wander i ng agai n ar ound t he
s pac i ous r oom.
He f ol l owed my gaz e. " Not what y ou ex pec t ed, i s i t ?" he as k ed, hi s v oi c e
s mug.
" No, " I admi t t ed.
" No c of f i ns , no pi l ed s k ul l s i n t he c or ner s ; I don' t ev en t hi nk we hav e
c obwebs … what a di s appoi nt ment t hi s mus t be f or y ou, " he c ont i nued s l y l y .
I i gnor ed hi s t eas i ng. " I t ' s s o l i ght … s o open. "
He was mor e s er i ous when he ans wer ed. " I t ' s t he one pl ac e we nev er hav e
t o hi de. "
The s ong he was s t i l l pl ay i ng, my s ong, dr i f t ed t o an end, t he f i nal
c hor ds s hi f t i ng t o a mor e mel anc hol y k ey . The l as t not e hov er ed
poi gnant l y i n t he s i l enc e.
" Thank y ou, " I mur mur ed. I r eal i zed t her e wer e t ear s i n my ey es . I dabbed
at t hem, embar r as s ed.
He t ouc hed t he c or ner of my ey e, t r appi ng one I mi s s ed. He l i f t ed hi s
f i nger , ex ami ni ng t he dr op of moi s t ur e br oodi ngl y . Then, s o qui c k l y I
c oul dn' t be pos i t i v e t hat he r eal l y di d, he put hi s f i nger t o hi s mout h
t o t as t e i t .
I l ook ed at hi m ques t i oni ngl y , and he gaz ed bac k f or a l ong moment bef or e
he f i nal l y s mi l ed.
" Do y ou want t o s ee t he r es t of t he hous e?"
" No c of f i ns ?" I v er i f i ed, t he s ar c as m i n my v oi c e not ent i r el y mask i ng
t he s l i ght but genui ne anx i et y I f el t .
He l aughed, t ak i ng my hand, l eadi ng me away f r om t he pi ano.
" No c of f i ns , " he pr omi s ed.
We wal k ed up t he mas s i v e s t ai r c ase, my hand t r ai l i ng al ong t he
s at i n- s moot h r ai l . The l ong hal l at t he t op of t he s t ai r s was panel ed
wi t h a honey - c ol or ed wood, t he s ame as t he f l oor boar ds .
" Ros al i e and Emmet t ' s r oom… Car l i s l e' s of f i c e… Al i c e' s r oom…" He ges t ur ed
as he l ed me pas t t he door s .
He woul d hav e c ont i nued, but I s t opped dead at t he end of t he hal l ,
s t ar i ng i nc r edul ous l y at t he or nament hangi ng on t he wal l abov e my head.
Edwar d c huc k l ed at my bewi l der ed ex pr es s i on.
" You c an l augh, " he s ai d. " I t i s s or t of i r oni c . "
I di dn' t l augh. My hand r ai s ed aut omat i c al l y , one f i nger ex t ended as i f
t o t ouc h t he l ar ge wooden c r os s , i t s dar k pat i na c ont r as t i ng wi t h t he
l i ght er t one of t he wal l . I di dn' t t ouc h i t , t hough I was c ur i ous i f t he
aged wood woul d f eel as s i l k y as i t l ook ed.
" I t mus t be v er y ol d, " I gues s ed.
He s hr ugged. " Ear l y s i x t een- t hi r t i es , mor e or l es s . "
I l ook ed away f r om t he c r os s t o st ar e at hi m.
" Why do y ou k eep t hi s her e?" I wonder ed.
" Nos t al gi a. I t bel onged t o Car l i sl e' s f at her . "
" He c ol l ec t ed ant i ques ?" I s uggest ed doubt f ul l y .
" No. He c ar v ed t hi s hi ms el f . I t hung on t he wal l abov e t he pul pi t i n t he
v i c ar age wher e he pr eac hed. "
I was n' t s ur e i f my f ac e bet r ay ed my s hoc k , but I r et ur ned t o gaz i ng at
t he s i mpl e, anc i ent c r os s , j us t i n c as e. I qui c k l y di d t he ment al mat h;
t he c r os s was ov er t hr ee hundr ed and s ev ent y y ear s ol d. The s i l ence
s t r et c hed on as I s t r uggl ed t o wr ap my mi nd ar ound t he c onc ept of s o many
y ear s .
" Ar e y ou al l r i ght ?" He s ounded wor r i ed.
" How ol d i s Car l i s l e?" I as k ed qui et l y , i gnor i ng hi s ques t i on, s t i l l
s t ar i ng up.
" He j us t c el ebr at ed hi s t hr ee hundr ed and s i x t y - s ec ond bi r t hday , " Edwar d
s ai d. I l ook ed bac k at hi m, a mi l l i on ques t i ons i n my ey es .
He wat c hed me c ar ef ul l y as he s pok e.
" Car l i s l e was bor n i n London, i n t he s i x t een- f or t i es , he bel i ev es . Ti me
was n' t mar k ed as ac c ur at el y t hen, f or t he c ommon peopl e any way . I t was
j us t bef or e Cr omwel l ' s r ul e, t hough. "
I k ept my f ac e c ompos ed, awar e of hi s s c r ut i ny as I l i s t ened. I t was
eas i er i f I di dn' t t r y t o bel i ev e.
" He was t he onl y s on of an Angl i can pas t or . Hi s mot her di ed gi v i ng bi rth
t o hi m. Hi s f at her was an i nt ol er ant man. As t he Pr ot es t ant s c ame i nt o
power , he was ent hus i as t i c i n hi s per s ec ut i on of Roman Cat hol i c s and
ot her r el i gi ons . He al s o bel i ev ed v er y s t r ongl y i n t he r eal i t y of ev i l.
He l ed hunt s f or wi t c hes , wer ewol v es … and v ampi r es . " I gr ew v er y st i l l at
t he wor d. I ' m s ur e he not i c ed, but he went on wi t hout paus i ng.
" They bur ned a l ot of i nnoc ent peopl e — of c our s e t he r eal c r eat ur es t hat
he s ought wer e not s o eas y t o c at c h.
" When t he pas t or gr ew ol d, he pl ac ed hi s obedi ent s on i n c har ge of t he
r ai ds . At f i r s t Car l i s l e was a di s appoi nt ment ; he was not qui c k t o
ac c us e, t o s ee demons wher e t hey di d not ex i s t . But he was per s i s t ent ,
and mor e c l ev er t han hi s f at her . He ac t ual l y di s c ov er ed a c ov en of t r ue
v ampi r es t hat l i v ed hi dden i n t he s ewer s of t he c i t y , onl y c omi ng out by
ni ght t o hunt . I n t hos e day s , when mons t er s wer e not j us t my t hs and
l egends , t hat was t he way many l i v ed.
" The peopl e gat her ed t hei r pi t c hf or k s and t or c hes , of c our s e" — hi s br i ef
l augh was dar k er now — " and wai t ed wher e Car l i s l e had s een t he mons t er s
ex i t i nt o t he s t r eet . Ev ent ual l y one emer ged. "
Hi s v oi c e was v er y qui et ; I s t r ai ned t o c at c h t he wor ds .
" He mus t hav e been anc i ent , and weak wi t h hunger . Car l i s l e hear d hi m c al l
out i n Lat i n t o t he ot her s when he c aught t he s c ent of t he mob. He r an
t hr ough t he s t r eet s , and Car l i s l e — he was t went y - t hr ee and v er y f as t —
was i n t he l ead of t he pur s ui t . The c r eat ur e c oul d hav e eas i l y out r un
t hem, but Car l i s l e t hi nk s he was t oo hungr y , s o he t ur ned and at t ac k ed.
He f el l on Car l i s l e f i r s t , but t he ot her s wer e c l os e behi nd, and he
t ur ned t o def end hi ms el f . He k i l l ed t wo men, and made of f wi t h a t hi r d,
l eav i ng Car l i s l e bl eedi ng i n t he s t r eet . "
He paus ed. I c oul d s ens e he was edi t i ng s omet hi ng, k eepi ng s omet hi ng f r om
me.
" Car l i s l e k new what hi s f at her woul d do. The bodi es woul d be bur ned —
any t hi ng i nf ec t ed by t he mons t er mus t be des t r oy ed. Car l i s l e ac t ed
i ns t i nc t i v el y t o s av e hi s own l i f e. He c r awl ed away f r om t he al l ey whi l e
t he mob f ol l owed t he f i end and hi s v i c t i m. He hi d i n a c el l ar , bur i ed
hi ms el f i n r ot t i ng pot at oes f or t hr ee day s . I t ' s a mi r ac l e he was abl e t o
k eep s i l ent , t o s t ay undi s c ov er ed.
" I t was ov er t hen, and he r eal i z ed what he had bec ome. "
I ' m not s ur e what my f ac e was r eveal i ng, but he s uddenl y br ok e of f .
" How ar e y ou f eel i ng?" he as k ed.
" I ' m f i ne, " I as s ur ed hi m. And, t hough I bi t my l i p i n hes i t at i on, he
mus t hav e s een t he c ur i os i t y bur ni ng i n my ey es .
He s mi l ed. " I ex pec t y ou hav e a f ew mor e ques t i ons f or me. "
" A f ew. "
Hi s s mi l e wi dened ov er hi s br i l l i ant t eet h. He s t ar t ed bac k down t he
hal l , pul l i ng me al ong by t he hand. " Come on, t hen, " he enc our aged. " I ' l l
s how y ou. "
===========================================================================

16. CARLI SLE

He l ed me bac k t o t he r oom t hat he' d poi nt ed out as Car l i s l e' s of f i c e. He

paus ed out s i de t he door f or an i ns t ant .
" Come i n, " Car l i s l e' s v oi c e i nv i t ed.
Edwar d opened t he door t o a hi gh- c ei l i nged r oom wi t h t al l , wes t - f ac i ng
wi ndows . The wal l s wer e panel ed agai n, i n a dar k er wood — wher e t hey wer e
v i s i bl e. Mos t of t he wal l s pac e was t ak en up by t ower i ng book s hel ves t hat
r eac hed hi gh abov e my head and hel d mor e book s t han I ' d ev er s een out s i de
a l i br ar y .
Car l i s l e s at behi nd a huge mahogany des k i n a l eat her c hai r . He was j us t
pl ac i ng a book mar k i n t he pages of t he t hi c k v ol ume he hel d. The r oom was
how I ' d al way s i magi ned a c ol l ege dean' s woul d l ook — onl y Car l i s l e
l ook ed t oo y oung t o f i t t he par t .
" What c an I do f or y ou?" he as k ed us pl eas ant l y , r i s i ng f r om hi s seat .
" I want ed t o s how Bel l a s ome of our hi s t or y , " Edwar d s ai d. " Wel l , y our
hi s t or y , ac t ual l y . "
" We di dn' t mean t o di s t ur b y ou, " I apol ogi z ed.
" Not at al l . Wher e ar e y ou goi ng t o s t ar t ?"
" The Waggoner , " Edwar d r epl i ed, pl ac i ng one hand l i ght l y on my s houl der
and s pi nni ng me ar ound t o l ook bac k t owar d t he door we' d j us t c ome
t hr ough. Ev er y t i me he t ouc hed me, i n ev en t he mos t c as ual way , my hear t
had an audi bl e r eac t i on. I t was mor e embar r as s i ng wi t h Car l i s l e t her e.
The wal l we f ac ed now was di f f er ent f r om t he ot her s . I ns t ead of
book s hel v es , t hi s wal l was c r owded wi t h f r amed pi c t ur es of al l s i zes ,
s ome i n v i br ant c ol or s , ot her s dul l monoc hr omes . I s ear c hed f or s ome
l ogi c , s ome bi ndi ng mot i f t he c ol l ec t i on had i n c ommon, but I f ound
not hi ng i n my has t y ex ami nat i on.
Edwar d pul l ed me t owar d t he f ar l ef t s i de, s t andi ng me i n f r ont of a
s mal l s quar e oi l pai nt i ng i n a pl ai n wooden f r ame. Thi s one di d not s t and
out among t he bi gger and br i ght er pi ec es ; pai nt ed i n v ar y i ng t ones of
s epi a, i t depi c t ed a mi ni at ur e c i t y f ul l of s t eepl y s l ant ed r oof s , wi t h
t hi n s pi r es at op a f ew s c at t er ed t ower s . A wi de r i v er f i l l ed t he
f or egr ound, c r os s ed by a br i dge cov er ed wi t h s t r uc t ur es t hat l ook ed l i k e
t i ny c at hedr al s .
" London i n t he s i x t een- f i f t i es , " Edwar d s ai d.
" The London of my y out h, " Car l i s l e added, f r om a f ew f eet behi nd us . I
f l i nc hed; I hadn' t hear d hi m appr oac h. Edwar d s queez ed my hand.
" Wi l l y ou t el l t he s t or y ?" Edwar d as k ed. I t wi s t ed a l i t t l e t o s ee
Car l i s l e' s r eac t i on.
He met my gl anc e and s mi l ed. " I woul d, " he r epl i ed. " But I ' m ac t ual l y
r unni ng a bi t l at e. The hos pi t al c al l ed t hi s mor ni ng — Dr . Snow i s t ak i ng
a s i c k day . Bes i des , y ou k now t he s t or i es as wel l as I do, " he added,
gr i nni ng at Edwar d now.
I t was a s t r ange c ombi nat i on t o abs or b — t he ev er y day c onc er ns of t he
t own doc t or s t uc k i n t he mi ddl e of a di s c us s i on of hi s ear l y day s i n
s ev ent eent h- c ent ur y London.
I t was al s o uns et t l i ng t o k now t hat he s pok e al oud onl y f or my benef i t .
Af t er anot her war m s mi l e f or me, Car l i s l e l ef t t he r oom.
I s t ar ed at t he l i t t l e pi c t ur e of Car l i s l e' s homet own f or a l ong moment .
" What happened t hen?" I f i nal l y as k ed, s t ar i ng up at Edwar d, who was
wat c hi ng me. " When he r eal i z ed what had happened t o hi m?"
He gl anc ed bac k t o t he pai nt i ngs , and I l ook ed t o s ee whi c h i mage c aught
hi s i nt er es t now. I t was a l ar ger l ands c ape i n dul l f al l c ol or s — an
empt y , s hadowed meadow i n a f or est , wi t h a c r aggy peak i n t he di s t anc e.
" When he k new what he had bec ome, " Edwar d s ai d qui et l y , " he r ebel l ed
agai ns t i t . He t r i ed t o des t r oy hi ms el f . But t hat ' s not eas i l y done. "
" How?" I di dn' t mean t o s ay i t al oud, but t he wor d br ok e t hr ough my s hoc k .
" He j umped f r om gr eat hei ght s , " Edwar d t ol d me, hi s v oi c e i mpas s i ve. " He
t r i ed t o dr own hi ms el f i n t he oc ean… but he was y oung t o t he new l i f e,
and v er y s t r ong. I t i s amaz i ng t hat he was abl e t o r es i s t … f eedi ng… whi l e
he was s t i l l s o new. The i ns t i nc t i s mor e power f ul t hen, i t t ak es ov er
ev er y t hi ng. But he was s o r epel l ed by hi ms el f t hat he had t he s t r engt h t o
t r y t o k i l l hi ms el f wi t h s t ar v at i on. "
" I s t hat pos s i bl e?" My v oi c e was f ai nt .
" No, t her e ar e v er y f ew way s we can be k i l l ed. "
I opened my mout h t o as k , but he s pok e bef or e I c oul d.
" So he gr ew v er y hungr y , and ev ent ual l y weak . He s t r ay ed as f ar as he
c oul d f r om t he human popul ac e, r ec ogni z i ng t hat hi s wi l l power was
weak eni ng, t oo. For mont hs he wander ed by ni ght , s eek i ng t he l onel i es t
pl ac es , l oat hi ng hi ms el f .
" One ni ght , a her d of deer pas s ed hi s hi di ng pl ac e. He was s o wi l d wi t h
t hi r s t t hat he at t ac k ed wi t hout a t hought . Hi s s t r engt h r et ur ned and he
r eal i z ed t her e was an al t er nat i v e t o bei ng t he v i l e mons t er he f ear ed.
Had he not eat en v eni s on i n hi s f or mer l i f e? Ov er t he nex t mont hs hi s new
phi l os ophy was bor n. He c oul d ex i s t wi t hout bei ng a demon. He f ound
hi ms el f agai n.
" He began t o mak e bet t er us e of hi s t i me. He' d al way s been i nt el l i gent ,
eager t o l ear n. Now he had unl i mi t ed t i me bef or e hi m. He s t udi ed by
ni ght , pl anned by day . He s wam t o Fr anc e and —"
" He s wam t o Fr anc e?"
" Peopl e s wi m t he Channel al l t he t i me, Bel l a, " he r emi nded me pat i ent l y .
" That ' s t r ue, I gues s . I t j us t s ounded f unny i n t hat c ont ex t . Go on. "
" Swi mmi ng i s eas y f or us —"
" Ev er y t hi ng i s eas y f or y ou, " I gr i ped.
He wai t ed, hi s ex pr es s i on amus ed.
" I won' t i nt er r upt agai n, I pr omi s e. "
He c huc k l ed dar k l y , and f i ni s hed hi s s ent enc e. " Bec aus e, t ec hni c al l y , we
don' t need t o br eat he. "
" You —"
" No, no, y ou pr omi s ed. " He l aughed, put t i ng hi s c ol d f i nger l i ght l y t o my
l i ps . " Do y ou want t o hear t he s t or y or not ?"
" You c an' t s pr i ng s omet hi ng l i k e t hat on me, and t hen ex pec t me not t o
s ay any t hi ng, " I mumbl ed agai ns t hi s f i nger .
He l i f t ed hi s hand, mov i ng i t t o r es t agai ns t my nec k . The s peed of my
hear t r eac t ed t o t hat , but I per si s t ed.
" You don' t hav e t o br eat he?" I demanded.
" No, i t ' s not nec es s ar y . J us t a habi t . " He s hr ugged.
" How l ong c an y ou go… wi t hout br eat hi ng?"
" I ndef i ni t el y , I s uppos e; I don' t k now. I t get s a bi t unc omf or t abl e —
bei ng wi t hout a s ens e of s mel l . "
" A bi t unc omf or t abl e, " I ec hoed.
I was n' t pay i ng at t ent i on t o my own ex pr es s i on, but s omet hi ng i n i t made
hi m gr ow s omber . Hi s hand dr opped t o hi s s i de and he s t ood v er y s t i l l ,
hi s ey es i nt ent on my f ac e. The si l enc e l engt hened. Hi s f eat ur es wer e
i mmobi l e as s t one.
" What i s i t ?" I whi s per ed, t ouc hi ng hi s f r oz en f ac e.
Hi s f ac e s of t ened under my hand, and he s i ghed. " I k eep wai t i ng f or i t t o
happen. "
" For what t o happen?"
" I k now t hat at s ome poi nt , s omet hi ng I t el l y ou or s omet hi ng y ou s ee i s
goi ng t o be t oo muc h. And t hen y ou' l l r un away f r om me, s c r eami ng as y ou
go. " He s mi l ed hal f a s mi l e, but hi s ey es wer e s er i ous . " I won' t st op
y ou. I want t hi s t o happen, bec aus e I want y ou t o be s af e. And y et , I
want t o be wi t h y ou. The t wo des i r es ar e i mpos s i bl e t o r ec onc i l e…" He
t r ai l ed of f , s t ar i ng at my f ac e. Wai t i ng.
" I ' m not r unni ng any wher e, " I pr omi s ed.
" We' l l s ee, " he s ai d, s mi l i ng agai n.
I f r owned at hi m. " So, go on — Car l i s l e was s wi mmi ng t o Fr anc e. "
He paus ed, get t i ng bac k i nt o hi s s t or y . Ref l ex i v el y , hi s ey es f l i ck er ed
t o anot her pi c t ur e — t he mos t c ol or f ul of t hem al l , t he mos t or nat el y
f r amed, and t he l ar ges t ; i t was t wi c e as wi de as t he door i t hung nex t
t o. The c anv as ov er f l owed wi t h br i ght f i gur es i n s wi r l i ng r obes , wr i t hi ng
ar ound l ong pi l l ar s and of f mar bl ed bal c oni es . I c oul dn' t t el l i f i t
r epr es ent ed Gr eek my t hol ogy , or i f t he c har ac t er s f l oat i ng i n t he c l ouds
abov e wer e meant t o be bi bl i c al .
" Car l i s l e s wam t o Fr anc e, and c ont i nued on t hr ough Eur ope, t o t he
uni v er s i t i es t her e. By ni ght he st udi ed mus i c , s c i enc e, medi c i ne — and
f ound hi s c al l i ng, hi s penanc e, i n t hat , i n s av i ng human l i v es . " Hi s
ex pr es s i on bec ame awed, al mos t r ev er ent . " I c an' t adequat el y des c r i be t he
s t r uggl e; i t t ook Car l i s l e t wo c ent ur i es of t or t ur ous ef f or t t o per f ec t
hi s s el f - c ont r ol . Now he i s al l but i mmune t o t he s c ent of human bl ood,
and he i s abl e t o do t he wor k he l ov es wi t hout agony . He f i nds a gr eat
deal of peac e t her e, at t he hos pi t al …" Edwar d s t ar ed of f i nt o s pace f or a
l ong moment . Suddenl y he s eemed t o r ec al l hi s pur pos e. He t apped hi s
f i nger agai ns t t he huge pai nt i ng i n f r ont of us .
" He was s t udy i ng i n I t al y when he di s c ov er ed t he ot her s t her e. They wer e
muc h mor e c i v i l i z ed and educ at ed t han t he wr ai t hs of t he London s ewer s . "
He t ouc hed a c ompar at i v el y s edat e quar t et of f i gur es pai nt ed on t he
hi ghes t bal c ony , l ook i ng down c al ml y on t he may hem bel ow t hem. I ex ami ned
t he gr oupi ng c ar ef ul l y and r eal i zed, wi t h a s t ar t l ed l augh, t hat I
r ec ogni z ed t he gol den- hai r ed man.
" Sol i mena was gr eat l y i ns pi r ed by Car l i s l e' s f r i ends . He of t en pai nt ed
t hem as gods , " Edwar d c huc k l ed. " Ar o, Mar c us , Cai us , " he s ai d, i ndi c at i ng
t he ot her t hr ee, t wo bl ac k - hai r ed, one s nowy - whi t e. " Ni ght t i me pat r ons of
t he ar t s . "
" What happened t o t hem?" I wonder ed al oud, my f i nger t i p hov er i ng a
c ent i met er f r om t he f i gur es on t he c anv as .
" They ' r e s t i l l t her e. " He s hr ugged. " As t hey hav e been f or who k nows how
many mi l l enni a. Car l i s l e s t ay ed wi t h t hem onl y f or a s hor t t i me, j us t a
f ew dec ades . He gr eat l y admi r ed t hei r c i v i l i t y , t hei r r ef i nement , but
t hey per s i s t ed i n t r y i ng t o c ur e hi s av er s i on t o ' hi s nat ur al f ood
s our c e, ' as t hey c al l ed i t . They t r i ed t o per s uade hi m, and he t r i ed t o
per s uade t hem, t o no av ai l . At t hat poi nt , Car l i s l e dec i ded t o t r y t he
New Wor l d. He dr eamed of f i ndi ng ot her s l i k e hi ms el f . He was v er y l onel y ,
y ou s ee.
" He di dn' t f i nd any one f or a l ong t i me. But , as mons t er s bec ame t he s t uf f
of f ai r y t al es , he f ound he c oul d i nt er ac t wi t h uns us pec t i ng humans as i f
he wer e one of t hem. He began pr ac t i c i ng medi c i ne. But t he c ompani ons hi p
he c r av ed ev aded hi m; he c oul dn' t r i s k f ami l i ar i t y .
" When t he i nf l uenz a epi demi c hi t , he was wor k i ng ni ght s i n a hos pi t al i n
Chi c ago. He' d been t ur ni ng ov er an i dea i n hi s mi nd f or s ev er al y ear s ,
and he had al mos t dec i ded t o ac t — s i nc e he c oul dn' t f i nd a c ompani on, he
woul d c r eat e one. He was n' t abs ol ut el y s ur e how hi s own t r ans f or mat i on
had oc c ur r ed, s o he was hes i t ant . And he was l oat h t o s t eal any one' s l i f e
t he way hi s had been s t ol en. I t was i n t hat f r ame of mi nd t hat he f ound
me. Ther e was no hope f or me; I was l ef t i n a war d wi t h t he dy i ng. He had
nur s ed my par ent s , and k new I was al one. He dec i ded t o t r y …"
Hi s v oi c e, near l y a whi s per now, t r ai l ed of f . He s t ar ed uns eei ngl y
t hr ough t he wes t wi ndows . I wonder ed whi c h i mages f i l l ed hi s mi nd now,
Car l i s l e' s memor i es or hi s own. I wai t ed qui et l y .
When he t ur ned bac k t o me, a gent l e angel ' s s mi l e l i t hi s ex pr es s i on.
" And s o we' v e c ome f ul l c i r c l e, " he c onc l uded.
" Hav e y ou al way s s t ay ed wi t h Car l i s l e, t hen?" I wonder ed.
" Al mos t al way s . " He put hi s hand l i ght l y on my wai s t and pul l ed me wi t h
hi m as he wal k ed t hr ough t he door . I s t ar ed bac k at t he wal l of pi c t ur es ,
wonder i ng i f I woul d ev er get t o hear t he ot her s t or i es .
Edwar d di dn' t s ay any mor e as we wal k ed down t he hal l , s o I as k ed,
" Al mos t ?"
He s i ghed, s eemi ng r el uc t ant t o ans wer . " Wel l, I had a t y pi c al bout of
r ebel l i ous adol es c enc e — about t en y ear s af t er I was … bor n… c r eat ed,
what ev er y ou want t o c al l i t . I was n' t s ol d on hi s l i f e of abs t i nenc e,
and I r es ent ed hi m f or c ur bi ng my appet i t e. So I went of f on my own f or a
t i me. "
" Real l y ?" I was i nt r i gued, r at her t han f r i ght ened, as I per haps s houl d
hav e been.
He c oul d t el l . I v aguel y r eal i z ed t hat we wer e headed up t he nex t f l i ght
of s t ai r s , but I was n' t pay i ng muc h at t ent i on t o my s ur r oundi ngs .
" That does n' t r epul s e y ou?"
" No. "
" Why not ?"
" I gues s … i t s ounds r eas onabl e. "
He bar k ed a l augh, mor e l oudl y t han bef or e. We wer e at t he t op of t he
s t ai r s now, i n anot her panel ed hal l way .
" Fr om t he t i me of my new bi r t h, " he mur mur ed, " I had t he adv ant age of
k nowi ng what ev er y one ar ound me was t hi nk i ng, bot h human and non- human
al i k e. That ' s why i t t ook me t en y ear s t o def y Car l i s l e — I c oul d r ead
hi s per f ec t s i nc er i t y , under s t and ex ac t l y why he l i v ed t he way he di d.
" I t t ook me onl y a f ew y ear s t o r et ur n t o Car l i s l e and r ec ommi t t o hi s
v i s i on. I t hought I woul d be ex empt f r om t he… depr es s i on… t hat
ac c ompani es a c ons c i enc e. Bec aus e I k new t he t hought s of my pr ey , I c oul d
pas s ov er t he i nnoc ent and pur s ue onl y t he ev i l . I f I f ol l owed a mur der er
down a dar k al l ey wher e he s t al k ed a y oung gi r l — i f I s av ed her , t hen
s ur el y I was n' t s o t er r i bl e. "
I s hi v er ed, i magi ni ng onl y t oo c l ear l y what he des c r i bed — t he al l ey at
ni ght , t he f r i ght ened gi r l , t he dar k man behi nd her . And Edwar d, Edwar d
as he hunt ed, t er r i bl e and gl or i ous as a y oung god, uns t oppabl e. Woul d
s he hav e been gr at ef ul , t hat gi r l , or mor e f r i ght ened t han bef or e?
" But as t i me went on, I began t o s ee t he mons t er i n my ey es . I c oul dn' t
es c ape t he debt of s o muc h human l i f e t ak en, no mat t er how j us t i f i ed. And
I went bac k t o Car l i s l e and Es me. They wel c omed me bac k l i k e t he
pr odi gal . I t was mor e t han I des er v ed. "
We' d c ome t o a s t op i n f r ont of t he l as t door i n t he hal l .
" My r oom, " he i nf or med me, openi ng i t and pul l i ng me t hr ough.
Hi s r oom f ac ed s out h, wi t h a wal l - s i z ed wi ndow l i k e t he gr eat r oom bel ow.
The whol e bac k s i de of t he hous e mus t be gl as s . Hi s v i ew l ook ed down on
t he wi ndi ng Sol Duc Ri v er , ac r os s t he unt ouc hed f or es t t o t he Ol y mpi c
Mount ai n r ange. The mount ai ns wer e muc h c l os er t han I woul d hav e bel i ev ed.
The wes t er n wal l was c ompl et el y cov er ed wi t h s hel f af t er s hel f of CDs .
Hi s r oom was bet t er s t oc k ed t han a mus i c s t or e. I n t he c or ner was a
s ophi s t i c at ed- l ook i ng s ound s y s t em, t he k i nd I was af r ai d t o t ouc h
bec aus e I ' d be s ur e t o br eak s omet hi ng. Ther e was no bed, onl y a wi de and
i nv i t i ng bl ac k l eat her s of a. The f l oor was c ov er ed wi t h a t hi c k gol den
c ar pet , and t he wal l s wer e hung wi t h heav y f abr i c i n a s l i ght l y dar k er
s hade.
" Good ac ous t i c s ?" I gues s ed.
He c huc k l ed and nodded.
He pi c k ed up a r emot e and t ur ned t he s t er eo on. I t was qui et , but t he
s of t j az z number s ounded l i k e t he band was i n t he r oom wi t h us . I went t o
l ook at hi s mi nd- boggl i ng mus i c col l ec t i on.
" How do y ou hav e t hes e or gani z ed?" I as k ed, unabl e t o f i nd any r hyme or
r eas on t o t he t i t l es .
He was n' t pay i ng at t ent i on.
" Ummm, by y ear , and t hen by per s onal pr ef er enc e wi t hi n t hat f r ame, " he
s ai d abs ent l y .
I t ur ned, and he was l ook i ng at me wi t h a pec ul i ar ex pr es s i on i n hi s ey es .
" What ?"
" I was pr epar ed t o f eel … r el i ev ed. Hav i ng y ou k now about ev er y t hi ng, not
needi ng t o k eep s ec r et s f r om y ou. But I di dn' t ex pec t t o f eel mor e t han
t hat . I l i k e i t . I t mak es me… happy . " He s hr ugged, s mi l i ng s l i ght l y .
" I ' m gl ad, " I s ai d, s mi l i ng bac k . I ' d wor r i ed t hat he mi ght r egr et
t el l i ng me t hes e t hi ngs . I t was good t o k now t hat was n' t t he c as e.
But t hen, as hi s ey es di s s ec t ed my ex pr es s i on, hi s s mi l e f aded and hi s
f or ehead c r eas ed.
" You' r e s t i l l wai t i ng f or t he r unni ng and t he s c r eami ng, ar en' t y ou?" I
gues s ed.
A f ai nt s mi l e t ouc hed hi s l i ps , and he nodded.
" I hat e t o bur s t y our bubbl e, but y ou' r e r eal l y not as s c ar y as y ou t hi nk
y ou ar e. I don' t f i nd y ou s c ar y at al l , ac t ual l y , " I l i ed c as ual l y.
He s t opped, r ai s i ng hi s ey ebr ows i n bl at ant di s bel i ef . Then he f l as hed a
wi de, wi c k ed s mi l e.
" You r eal l y s houl dn' t hav e s ai d t hat , " he c huc k l ed.
He gr owl ed, a l ow s ound i n t he bac k of hi s t hr oat ; hi s l i ps c ur l ed bac k
ov er hi s per f ec t t eet h. Hi s body s hi f t ed s uddenl y , hal f - c r ouc hed, t ens ed
l i k e a l i on about t o pounc e.
I bac k ed away f r om hi m, gl ar i ng.
" You woul dn' t . "
I di dn' t s ee hi m l eap at me — i t was muc h t oo f as t . I onl y f ound my s el f
s uddenl y ai r bor ne, and t hen we c r as hed ont o t he s of a, k noc k i ng i t i nt o
t he wal l . Al l t he whi l e, hi s ar ms f or med an i r on c age of pr ot ec t i on
ar ound me — I was bar el y j os t l ed. But I s t i l l was gas pi ng as I t r i ed t o
r i ght my s el f .
He was n' t hav i ng t hat . He c ur l ed me i nt o a bal l agai ns t hi s c hes t ,
hol di ng me mor e s ec ur el y t han i r on c hai ns . I gl ar ed at hi m i n al ar m, but
he s eemed wel l i n c ont r ol , hi s j aw r el ax ed as he gr i nned, hi s ey es br i ght
onl y wi t h humor .
" You wer e s ay i ng?" he gr owl ed pl ay f ul l y .
" That y ou ar e a v er y , v er y t er r i f y i ng mons t er , " I s ai d, my s ar c as m mar r ed
a bi t by my br eat hl es s v oi c e.
" Muc h bet t er , " he appr ov ed.
" Um. " I s t r uggl ed. " Can I get up now?"
He j us t l aughed.
" Can we c ome i n?" a s of t v oi c e s ounded f r om t he hal l .
I s t r uggl ed t o f r ee my s el f , but Edwar d mer el y r eadj us t ed me s o t hat I was
s omewhat mor e c onv ent i onal l y s eat ed on hi s l ap. I c oul d s ee i t was Al i c e,
t hen, and J as per behi nd her i n t he door way . My c heek s bur ned, but Edwar d
s eemed at eas e.
" Go ahead. " Edwar d was s t i l l c huck l i ng qui et l y .
Al i c e s eemed t o f i nd not hi ng unusual i n our embr ac e; s he wal k ed — al mos t
danc ed, her mov ement s wer e s o gr ac ef ul — t o t he c ent er of t he r oom, wher e
s he f ol ded her s el f s i nuous l y ont o t he f l oor . J as per , howev er , paused at
t he door , hi s ex pr es s i on a t r i f l e s hoc k ed. He s t ar ed at Edwar d' s f ac e,
and I wonder ed i f he was t as t i ng t he at mos pher e wi t h hi s unus ual
s ens i t i v i t y .
" I t s ounded l i k e y ou wer e hav i ng Bel l a f or l unc h, and we c ame t o see i f
y ou woul d s har e, " Al i c e announc ed.
I s t i f f ened f or an i ns t ant , unt i l I r eal i z ed Edwar d was gr i nni ng —
whet her at her c omment or my r es pons e, I c oul dn' t t el l .
" Sor r y , I don' t bel i ev e I hav e enough t o s par e, " he r epl i ed, hi s ar ms
hol di ng me r ec k l es s l y c l os e.
" Ac t ual l y , " J as per s ai d, s mi l i ng des pi t e hi ms el f as he wal k ed i nt o t he
r oom, " Al i c e s ay s t her e' s goi ng t o be a r eal s t or m t oni ght , and Emmet t
want s t o pl ay bal l . Ar e y ou game?"
The wor ds wer e al l c ommon enough, but t he c ont ex t c onf us ed me. I gat her ed
t hat Al i c e was a bi t mor e r el i abl e t han t he weat her man, t hough.
Edwar d' s ey es l i t up, but he hes i t at ed.
" Of c our s e y ou s houl d br i ng Bel l a, " Al i c e c hi r ped. I t hought I s aw J as per
t hr ow a qui c k gl anc e at her .
" Do y ou want t o go?" Edwar d as k ed me, ex c i t ed, hi s ex pr es s i on v i v i d.
" Sur e. " I c oul dn' t di s appoi nt s uch a f ac e. " Um, wher e ar e we goi ng?"
" We hav e t o wai t f or t hunder t o pl ay bal l — y ou' l l s ee why , " he pr omi s ed.
" Wi l l I need an umbr el l a?"
They al l t hr ee l aughed al oud.
" Wi l l s he?" J as per as k ed Al i c e.
" No. " She was pos i t i v e. " The s t or m wi l l hi t ov er t own. I t s houl d be dr y
enough i n t he c l ear i ng. "
" Good, t hen. " The ent hus i as m i n Jas per ' s v oi c e was c at c hi ng, nat ur al l y . I
f ound my s el f eager , r at her t han sc ar ed s t i f f .
" Let ' s go s ee i f Car l i s l e wi l l c ome. " Al i c e bounded up and t o t he door i n
a f as hi on t hat woul d br eak any bal l er i na' s hear t .
" Li k e y ou don' t k now, " J as per t eas ed, and t hey wer e s wi f t l y on t hei r way .
J as per managed t o i nc ons pi c uous l y c l os e t he door behi nd t hem.
" What wi l l we be pl ay i ng?" I demanded.
" You wi l l be wat c hi ng, " Edwar d c l ar i f i ed. " We wi l l be pl ay i ng bas ebal l . "
I r ol l ed my ey es . " Vampi r es l i k e bas ebal l ?"
" I t ' s t he Amer i c an pas t i me, " he sai d wi t h moc k s ol emni t y .
===========================================================================

17. THE GAME

I t was j us t begi nni ng t o dr i z z l e when Edwar d t ur ned ont o my s t r eet . Up

unt i l t hat moment , I ' d had no doubt t hat he' d be s t ay i ng wi t h me whi l e I
s pent a f ew i nt er i m hour s i n t he r eal wor l d.
And t hen I s aw t he bl ac k c ar , a weat her ed For d, par k ed i n Char l i e' s
dr i v eway — and hear d Edwar d mut t er s omet hi ng uni nt el l i gi bl e i n a l ow,
har s h v oi c e.
Leani ng away f r om t he r ai n under t he s hal l ow f r ont por c h, J ac ob Bl ac k
s t ood behi nd hi s f at her ' s wheel c hai r . Bi l l y ' s f ac e was i mpas s i v e as s t one
as Edwar d par k ed my t r uc k agai ns t t he c ur b. J ac ob s t ar ed down, hi s
ex pr es s i on mor t i f i ed.
Edwar d' s l ow v oi c e was f ur i ous . " Thi s i s c r os s i ng t he l i ne. "
" He c ame t o war n Char l i e?" I guess ed, mor e hor r i f i ed t han angr y .
Edwar d j us t nodded, ans wer i ng Bi l l y ' s gaz e t hr ough t he r ai n wi t h nar r owed
ey es .
I f el t weak wi t h r el i ef t hat Char l i e was n' t home y et .
" Let me deal wi t h t hi s , " I s uggest ed. Edwar d' s bl ac k gl ar e made me
anx i ous .
To my s ur pr i s e, he agr eed. " That ' s pr obabl y bes t . Be c ar ef ul , t hough. The
c hi l d has no i dea. "
I br i dl ed a l i t t l e at t he wor d c hi l d. " J ac ob i s not t hat muc h y ounger
t han I am, " I r emi nded hi m.
He l ook ed at me t hen, hi s anger abr upt l y f adi ng. " Oh, I k now, " he as s ur ed
me wi t h a gr i n.
I s i ghed and put my hand on t he door handl e.
" Get t hem i ns i de, " he i ns t r uc t ed, " s o I c an l eav e. I ' l l be bac k ar ound
dus k . "
" Do y ou want my t r uc k ?" I of f er ed, meanwhi l e wonder i ng how I woul d
ex pl ai n i t s abs enc e t o Char l i e.
He r ol l ed hi s ey es . " I c oul d wal k home f as t er t han t hi s t r uc k mov es . "
" You don' t hav e t o l eav e, " I s ai d wi s t f ul l y .
He s mi l ed at my gl um ex pr es s i on. " Ac t ual l y , I do. Af t er y ou get r i d of
t hem" — he t hr ew a dar k gl anc e i n t he Bl ac k s ' di r ec t i on — " y ou s t i l l hav e
t o pr epar e Char l i e t o meet y our new boy f r i end. " He gr i nned wi del y ,
s howi ng al l of hi s t eet h.
I gr oaned. " Thank s a l ot . "
He s mi l ed t he c r ook ed s mi l e t hat I l ov ed. " I ' l l be bac k s oon, " he
pr omi s ed. Hi s ey es f l i c k er ed bac k t o t he por c h, and t hen he l eaned i n t o
s wi f t l y k i s s me j us t under t he edge of my j aw. My hear t l ur c hed
f r ant i c al l y , and I , t oo, gl anc ed t owar d t he por c h. Bi l l y ' s f ac e was no
l onger i mpas s i v e, and hi s hands cl ut c hed at t he ar mr es t s of hi s c hai r .
" Soon, " I s t r es s ed as I opened t he door and s t epped out i nt o t he r ai n.
I c oul d f eel hi s ey es on my bac k as I hal f - r an t hr ough t he l i ght spr i nk l e
t owar d t he por c h.
" Hey , Bi l l y . Hi , J ac ob. " I gr eet ed t hem as c heer f ul l y as I c oul d manage.
" Char l i e' s gone f or t he day — I hope y ou hav en' t been wai t i ng l ong. "
" Not l ong, " Bi l l y s ai d i n a s ubdued t one. Hi s bl ac k ey es wer e pi er c i ng.
" I j us t want ed t o br i ng t hi s up. " He i ndi c at ed a br own paper s ac k r es t i ng
i n hi s l ap.
" Thank s , " I s ai d, t hough I had no i dea what i t c oul d be. " Why don' t y ou
c ome i n f or a mi nut e and dr y of f ?"
I pr et ended t o be obl i v i ous t o hi s i nt ens e s c r ut i ny as I unl oc k ed t he
door , and wav ed t hem i n ahead of me.
" Her e, l et me t ak e t hat , " I of f er ed, t ur ni ng t o s hut t he door . I al l owed
my s el f one l as t gl anc e at Edwar d. He was wai t i ng, per f ec t l y s t i l l , hi s
ey es s ol emn.
" You' l l want t o put i t i n t he f r i dge, " Bi l l y not ed as he handed me t he
pac k age. " I t ' s s ome of Har r y Cl ear wat er ' s homemade f i s h f r y — Char l i e' s
f av or i t e. The f r i dge k eeps i t dr i er . " He s hr ugged.
" Thank s , " I r epeat ed, but wi t h f eel i ng t hi s t i me. " I was r unni ng out of
new way s t o f i x f i s h, and he' s bound t o br i ng home mor e t oni ght . "
" Fi s hi ng agai n?" Bi l l y as k ed wi t h a s ubt l e gl eam i n hi s ey e. " Down at t he
us ual s pot ? May be I ' l l r un by and s ee hi m. "
" No, " I qui c k l y l i ed, my f ac e goi ng har d. " He was headed s omepl ac e new…
but I hav e no i dea wher e. "
He t ook i n my c hanged ex pr es s i on, and i t made hi m t hought f ul .
" J ak e, " he s ai d, s t i l l appr ai s i ng me. " Why don' t y ou go get t hat new
pi c t ur e of Rebec c a out of t he c ar ? I ' l l l eav e t hat f or Char l i e, t oo. "
" Wher e i s i t ?" J ac ob as k ed, hi s voi c e mor os e. I gl anc ed at hi m, but he
was s t ar i ng at t he f l oor , hi s ey ebr ows pul l i ng t oget her .
" I t hi nk I s aw i t i n t he t r unk , " Bi l l y s ai d. " You may hav e t o di g f or i t . "
J ac ob s l ouc hed bac k out i nt o t he r ai n.
Bi l l y and I f ac ed eac h ot her i n si l enc e. Af t er a f ew s ec onds , t he qui et
s t ar t ed t o f eel awk war d, s o I t ur ned and headed t o t he k i t c hen. I c oul d
hear hi s wet wheel s s queak agai nst t he l i nol eum as he f ol l owed.
I s hov ed t he bag ont o t he c r owded t op s hel f of t he f r i dge, and s pun
ar ound t o c onf r ont hi m. Hi s deepl y l i ned f ac e was unr eadabl e.
" Char l i e won' t be bac k f or a l ong t i me. " My v oi c e was al mos t r ude.
He nodded i n agr eement , but s ai d not hi ng.
" Thank s agai n f or t he f i s h f r y , " I hi nt ed.
He c ont i nued noddi ng. I s i ghed and f ol ded my ar ms ac r os s my c hes t .
He s eemed t o s ens e t hat I had gi ven up on s mal l t al k . " Bel l a, " he s ai d,
and t hen he hes i t at ed.
I wai t ed.
" Bel l a, " he s ai d agai n, " Char l i e i s one of my bes t f r i ends . "
" Yes . "
He s pok e eac h wor d c ar ef ul l y i n hi s r umbl i ng v oi c e. " I not i c ed y ou' v e
been s pendi ng t i me wi t h one of t he Cul l ens . "
" Yes , " I r epeat ed c ur t l y .
Hi s ey es nar r owed. " May be i t ' s none of my bus i nes s , but I don' t t hi nk
t hat i s s uc h a good i dea. "
" You' r e r i ght , " I agr eed. " I t i s none of y our bus i nes s . "
He r ai s ed hi s gr ay i ng ey ebr ows at my t one. " You pr obabl y don' t k now t hi s ,
but t he Cul l en f ami l y has an unpl eas ant r eput at i on on t he r es er v at i on. "
" Ac t ual l y , I di d k now t hat , " I i nf or med hi m i n a har d v oi c e. Thi s
s ur pr i s ed hi m. " But t hat r eput at i on c oul dn' t be des er v ed, c oul d i t ?
Bec aus e t he Cul l ens nev er s et f oot on t he r es er v at i on, do t hey ?" I c oul d
s ee t hat my l es s t han s ubt l e r emi nder of t he agr eement t hat bot h bound
and pr ot ec t ed hi s t r i be pul l ed hi m up s hor t .
" That ' s t r ue, " he ac c eded, hi s eyes guar ded. " You s eem… wel l i nf or med
about t he Cul l ens . Mor e i nf or med t han I ex pec t ed. "
I s t ar ed hi m down. " May be ev en bet t er i nf or med t han y ou ar e. "
He pur s ed hi s t hi c k l i ps as he c ons i der ed t hat . " May be. " he al l owed, but
hi s ey es wer e s hr ewd. " I s Char l i e as wel l i nf or med?"
He had f ound t he weak c hi nk i n my ar mor .
" Char l i e l i k es t he Cul l ens a l ot , " I hedged. He c l ear l y under s t ood my
ev as i on. Hi s ex pr es s i on was unhappy , but uns ur pr i s ed.
" I t ' s not my bus i nes s , " he s ai d. " But i t may be Char l i e' s . "
" Though i t woul d be my bus i nes s , agai n, whet her or not I t hi nk t hat i t ' s
Char l i e' s bus i nes s , r i ght ?"
I wonder ed i f he ev en under s t ood my c onf us ed ques t i on as I s t r uggl ed not
t o s ay any t hi ng c ompr omi s i ng. But he s eemed t o. He t hought about i t whi l e
t he r ai n pi c k ed up agai ns t t he r oof , t he onl y s ound br eak i ng t he si l enc e.
" Yes , " he f i nal l y s ur r ender ed. " I gues s t hat ' s y our bus i nes s , t oo. "
I s i ghed wi t h r el i ef . " Thank s , Bi l l y . "
" J us t t hi nk about what y ou' r e doi ng, Bel l a, " he ur ged.
" Ok ay , " I agr eed qui c k l y .
He f r owned. " What I meant t o s ay was , don' t do what y ou' r e doi ng. "
I l ook ed i nt o hi s ey es , f i l l ed wi t h not hi ng but c onc er n f or me, and t her e
was not hi ng I c oul d s ay .
J us t t hen t he f r ont door banged l oudl y , and I j umped at t he s ound.
" Ther e' s no pi c t ur e any wher e i n t hat c ar . " J ac ob' s c ompl ai ni ng v oi c e
r eac hed us bef or e he di d. The s houl der s of hi s s hi r t wer e s t ai ned wi t h
t he r ai n, hi s hai r dr i ppi ng, when he r ounded t he c or ner .
" Hmm, " Bi l l y gr unt ed, s uddenl y det ac hed, s pi nni ng hi s c hai r ar ound t o
f ac e hi s s on. " I gues s I l ef t i t at home. "
J ac ob r ol l ed hi s ey es dr amat i c al l y . " Gr eat . "
" Wel l , Bel l a, t el l Char l i e" — Bi l l y paus ed bef or e c ont i nui ng — " t hat we
s t opped by , I mean. "
" I wi l l , " I mut t er ed.
J ac ob was s ur pr i s ed. " Ar e we l eavi ng al r eady ?"
" Char l i e' s gonna be out l at e, " Bi l l y ex pl ai ned as he r ol l ed hi ms el f pas t
J ac ob.
" Oh. " J ac ob l ook ed di s appoi nt ed. " Wel l , I gues s I ' l l s ee y ou l at er , t hen,
Bel l a. "
" Sur e, " I agr eed.
" Tak e c ar e, " Bi l l y war ned me. I di dn' t ans wer .
J ac ob hel ped hi s f at her out t he door . I wav ed br i ef l y , gl anc i ng s wi f t l y
t owar d my now- empt y t r uc k , and t hen s hut t he door bef or e t hey wer e gone.
I st ood i n t he hal l way f or a mi nut e, l i s t eni ng t o t he s ound of t hei r c ar
as i t bac k ed out and dr ov e away . I s t ay ed wher e I was , wai t i ng f or t he
i rri t at i on and anx i et y t o s ubs i de. When t he t ens i on ev ent ual l y f aded a
bi t , I headed ups t ai r s t o c hange out of my dr es s y c l ot hes .
I t r i ed on a c oupl e of di f f er ent t ops , not s ur e what t o ex pec t t oni ght .
As I c onc ent r at ed on what was c omi ng, what had j us t pas s ed bec ame
i ns i gni f i c ant . Now t hat I was r emov ed f r om J as per ' s and Edwar d' s
i nf l uenc e, I began t o mak e up f or not bei ng t er r i f i ed bef or e. I gav e up
qui c k l y on c hoos i ng an out f i t — t hr owi ng on an ol d f l annel s hi r t and
j eans — k nowi ng I woul d be i n my r ai nc oat al l ni ght any way .
The phone r ang and I s pr i nt ed downs t ai r s t o get i t . Ther e was onl y one
v oi c e I want ed t o hear ; any t hi ng el s e woul d be a di s appoi nt ment . But I
k new t hat i f he want ed t o t al k t o me, he' d pr obabl y j us t mat er i al i z e i n
my r oom.
" Hel l o?" I as k ed, br eat hl es s .
" Bel l a? I t ' s me, " J es s i c a s ai d.
" Oh, hey , J es s . " I s c r ambl ed f or a moment t o c ome bac k down t o r eal i t y .
I t f el t l i k e mont hs r at her t han day s s i nc e I ' d s pok en t o J es s . " How was
t he danc e?"
" I t was s o muc h f un! " J es s i c a gushed. Needi ng no mor e i nv i t at i on t han
t hat , s he l aunc hed i nt o a mi nut e- by - mi nut e ac c ount of t he pr ev i ous ni ght .
I mmm' d and ahh' d at t he r i ght pl ac es , but i t was n' t eas y t o c onc ent r at e.
J es s i c a, Mi k e, t he danc e, t he s c hool — t hey al l s eemed s t r angel y
i r r el ev ant at t he moment . My ey es k ept f l as hi ng t o t he wi ndow, t r yi ng t o
j udge t he degr ee of l i ght behi nd t he heav y c l ouds .
" Di d y ou hear what I s ai d, Bel l a?" J es s as k ed, i r r i t at ed.
" I ' m s or r y , what ?"
" I s ai d, Mi k e k i s s ed me! Can y ou bel i ev e i t ?"
" That ' s wonder f ul , J es s , " I s ai d.
" So what di d y ou do y es t er day ?" Jes s i c a c hal l enged, s t i l l s oundi ng
bot her ed by my l ac k of at t ent i on. Or may be s he was ups et bec aus e I hadn' t
as k ed f or det ai l s .
" Not hi ng, r eal l y . I j us t hung ar ound out s i de t o enj oy t he s un. "
I hear d Char l i e' s c ar i n t he gar age.
" Di d y ou ev er hear any t hi ng mor e f r om Edwar d Cul l en?"
The f r ont door s l ammed and I c oul d hear Char l i e bangi ng ar ound under t he
s t ai r s , put t i ng hi s t ac k l e away .
" Um. " I hes i t at ed, not s ur e what my s t or y was any mor e.
" Hi t her e, k i ddo! " Char l i e c al l ed as he wal k ed i nt o t he k i t c hen. I wav ed
at hi m.
J es s hear d hi s v oi c e. " Oh, y our dad' s t her e. Nev er mi nd — we' l l t al k
t omor r ow. See y ou i n Tr i g. "
" See y a, J es s . " I hung up t he phone.
" Hey , Dad, " I s ai d. He was s c r ubbi ng hi s hands i n t he s i nk . " Wher e' s t he
f i s h?"
" I put i t out i n t he f r eez er . "
" I ' l l go gr ab a f ew pi ec es bef or e t hey f r eez e — Bi l l y dr opped of f s ome of
Har r y Cl ear wat er ' s f i s h f r y t hi s af t er noon. " I wor k ed t o s ound
ent hus i as t i c .
" He di d?" Char l i e' s ey es l i t up. " That ' s my f av or i t e. "
Char l i e c l eaned up whi l e I got di nner r eady . I t di dn' t t ak e l ong t i l l we
wer e s i t t i ng at t he t abl e, eat i ng i n s i l enc e. Char l i e was enj oy i ng hi s
f ood. I was wonder i ng des per at el y how t o f ul f i l l my as s i gnment ,
s t r uggl i ng t o t hi nk of a way t o br oac h t he s ubj ec t .
" What di d y ou do wi t h y our s el f t oday ?" he as k ed, s nappi ng me out of my
r ev er i e.
" Wel l , t hi s af t er noon I j us t hung out ar ound t he hous e…" Onl y t he v er y
r ec ent par t of t hi s af t er noon, act ual l y . I t r i ed t o k eep my v oi c e upbeat ,
but my s t omac h was hol l ow. " And t hi s mor ni ng I was ov er at t he Cul l ens ' . "
Char l i e dr opped hi s f or k .
" Dr . Cul l en' s pl ac e?" he as k ed i n as t oni s hment .
I pr et ended not t o not i c e hi s r eac t i on. " Yeah. "
" What wer e y ou doi ng t her e?" He hadn' t pi c k ed hi s f or k bac k up.
" Wel l , I s or t of hav e a dat e wi t h Edwar d Cul l en t oni ght , and he want ed t o
i nt r oduc e me t o hi s par ent s … Dad?"
I t appear ed t hat Char l i e was hav i ng an aneur y s m.
" Dad, ar e y ou al l r i ght ?"
" You ar e goi ng out wi t h Edwar d Cul l en?" he t hunder ed.
Uh- oh. " I t hought y ou l i k ed t he Cul l ens . "
" He' s t oo ol d f or y ou, " he r ant ed.
" We' r e bot h j uni or s , " I c or r ec t ed, t hough he was mor e r i ght t han he
dr eamed.
" Wai t …" He paus ed. " Whi c h one i s Edwi n?"
" Edwar d i s t he y ounges t , t he one wi t h t he r eddi s h br own hai r . " The
beaut i f ul one, t he godl i k e one…
" Oh, wel l , t hat ' s " — he s t r uggl ed — " bet t er , I gues s . I don' t l i k e t he
l ook of t hat bi g one. I ' m s ur e he' s a ni c e boy and al l , but he l ook s t oo…
mat ur e f or y ou. I s t hi s Edwi n y our boy f r i end?"
" I t ' s Edwar d, Dad. "
" I s he?"
" Sor t of , I gues s . "
" You s ai d l as t ni ght t hat y ou wer en' t i nt er es t ed i n any of t he boys i n
t own. " But he pi c k ed up hi s f or k agai n, s o I c oul d s ee t he wor s t was ov er .
" Wel l , Edwar d does n' t l i v e i n t own, Dad. "
He gav e me a di s par agi ng l ook as he c hewed.
" And, any way s , " I c ont i nued, " i t ' s k i nd of at an ear l y s t age, y ou k now.
Don' t embar r as s me wi t h al l t he boy f r i end t al k , ok ay ?"
" When i s he c omi ng ov er ?"
" He' l l be her e i n a f ew mi nut es . "
" Wher e i s he t ak i ng y ou?"
I gr oaned l oudl y . " I hope y ou' r e get t i ng t he Spani s h I nqui s i t i on out of
y our s y s t em now. We' r e goi ng t o pl ay bas ebal l wi t h hi s f ami l y . "
Hi s f ac e puc k er ed, and t hen he f i nal l y c huc k l ed. " You' r e pl ay i ng
bas ebal l ?"
" Wel l , I ' l l pr obabl y wat c h mos t of t he t i me. "
" You mus t r eal l y l i k e t hi s guy , " he obs er v ed s us pi c i ous l y .
I s i ghed and r ol l ed my ey es f or hi s benef i t .
I hear d t he r oar of an engi ne pul l up i n f r ont of t he hous e. I j umped up
and s t ar t ed c l eani ng my di s hes .
" Leav e t he di s hes , I c an do t hem t oni ght . You baby me t oo muc h. "
The door bel l r ang, and Char l i e s t al k ed of f t o ans wer i t . I was hal f a
s t ep behi nd hi m.
I hadn' t r eal i z ed how har d i t was pour i ng out s i de. Edwar d s t ood i n t he
hal o of t he por c h l i ght , l ook i ng l i k e a mal e model i n an adv er t i s ement
f or r ai nc oat s .
" Come on i n, Edwar d. "
I br eat hed a s i gh of r el i ef when Char l i e got hi s name r i ght .
" Thank s , Chi ef Swan, " Edwar d s ai d i n a r es pec t f ul v oi c e.
" Go ahead and c al l me Char l i e. Her e, I ' l l t ak e y our j ac k et . "
" Thank s , s i r . "
" Hav e a s eat t her e, Edwar d. "
I gr i mac ed.
Edwar d s at down f l ui dl y i n t he onl y c hai r , f or c i ng me t o s i t nex t t o
Chi ef Swan on t he s of a. I qui c k l y s hot hi m a di r t y l ook . He wi nk ed behi nd
Char l i e' s bac k .
" So I hear y ou' r e get t i ng my gi r l t o wat c h bas ebal l . " Onl y i n Was hi ngt on
woul d t he f ac t t hat i t was r ai ni ng buc k et s hav e no bear i ng at al l on t he
pl ay i ng of out door s por t s .
" Yes , s i r , t hat ' s t he pl an. " He di dn' t l ook s ur pr i s ed t hat I ' d t ol d my
f at her t he t r ut h. He mi ght hav e been l i s t eni ng, t hough.
" Wel l , mor e power t o y ou, I gues s. "
Char l i e l aughed, and Edwar d j oi ned i n.
" Ok ay . " I s t ood up. " Enough humor at my ex pens e. Let ' s go. " I wal ked bac k
t o t he hal l and pul l ed on my j ac ket . They f ol l owed.
" Not t oo l at e, Bel l . "
" Don' t wor r y , Char l i e, I ' l l hav e her home ear l y , " Edwar d pr omi s ed.
" You t ak e c ar e of my gi r l , al l r i ght ?"
I gr oaned, but t hey i gnor ed me.
" She' l l be s af e wi t h me, I pr omi se, s i r . "
Char l i e c oul dn' t doubt Edwar d' s si nc er i t y , i t r ang i n ev er y wor d.
I s t al k ed out . They bot h l aughed, and Edwar d f ol l owed me.
I s t opped dead on t he por c h. Ther e, behi nd my t r uc k , was a mons t er J eep.
I t s t i r es wer e hi gher t han my wai s t . Ther e wer e met al guar ds ov er t he
headl i ght s and t ai l - l i ght s , and f our l ar ge s pot l i ght s at t ac hed t o t he
c r as h bar . The har dt op was s hi ny r ed.
Char l i e l et out a l ow whi s t l e.
" Wear y our s eat bel t s , " he c hok ed out .
Edwar d f ol l owed me ar ound t o my si de and opened t he door . I gauged t he
di s t anc e t o t he s eat and pr epar ed t o j ump f or i t . He s i ghed, and t hen
l i f t ed me i n wi t h one hand. I hoped Char l i e di dn' t not i c e.
As he went ar ound t o t he dr i v er ' s s i de, at a nor mal , human pac e, I t r i ed
t o put on my s eat bel t . But t her e wer e t oo many buc k l es .
" What ' s al l t hi s ?" I as k ed when he opened t he door .
" I t ' s an of f - r oadi ng har nes s . "
" Uh- oh. "
I t r i ed t o f i nd t he r i ght pl ac es f or al l t he buc k l es t o f i t , but i t
was n' t goi ng t oo qui c k l y . He s i ghed agai n and r eac hed ov er t o hel p me. I
was gl ad t hat t he r ai n was t oo heav y t o s ee Char l i e c l ear l y on t he por c h.
That meant he c oul dn' t s ee how Edwar d' s hands l i nger ed at my nec k ,
br us hed al ong my c ol l ar bones . I gav e up t r y i ng t o hel p hi m and f ocus ed on
not hy per v ent i l at i ng.
Edwar d t ur ned t he k ey and t he engi ne r oar ed t o l i f e. We pul l ed away f r om
t he hous e.
" Thi s i s a… um… bi g J eep y ou hav e. "
" I t ' s Emmet t ' s . I di dn' t t hi nk y ou' d want t o r un t he whol e way . "
" Wher e do y ou k eep t hi s t hi ng?"
" We r emodel ed one of t he out bui l di ngs i nt o a gar age. "
" Ar en' t y ou goi ng t o put on y our s eat bel t ?"
He t hr ew me a di s bel i ev i ng l ook .
Then s omet hi ng s unk i n.
" Run t he whol e way ? As i n, we' r e s t i l l goi ng t o r un par t of t he way ?" My
v oi c e edged up a f ew oc t av es .
He gr i nned t i ght l y . " You' r e not goi ng t o r un. "
" I ' m goi ng t o be s i c k . "
" Keep y our ey es c l os ed, y ou' l l be f i ne. "
I bi t my l i p, f i ght i ng t he pani c .
He l eaned ov er t o k i s s t he t op of my head, and t hen gr oaned. I l ook ed at
hi m, puz z l ed.
" You s mel l s o good i n t he r ai n, " he ex pl ai ned.
" I n a good way , or i n a bad way ?" I as k ed c aut i ous l y .
He s i ghed. " Bot h, al way s bot h. "
I don' t k now how he f ound hi s way i n t he gl oom and downpour , but he
s omehow f ound a s i de r oad t hat was l es s of a r oad and mor e of a mount ai n
pat h. For a l ong whi l e c onv er s at i on was i mpos s i bl e, bec aus e I was
bounc i ng up and down on t he s eat l i k e a j ac k hammer . He s eemed t o enj oy
t he r i de, t hough, s mi l i ng hugel y t he whol e way .
And t hen we c ame t o t he end of t he r oad; t he t r ees f or med gr een wal l s on
t hr ee s i des of t he J eep. The r ai n was a mer e dr i z z l e, s l owi ng ev er y
s ec ond, t he s k y br i ght er t hr ough t he c l ouds .
" Sor r y , Bel l a, we hav e t o go on f oot f r om her e. "
" You k now what ? I ' l l j us t wai t her e. "
" What happened t o al l y our c our age? You wer e ex t r aor di nar y t hi s mor ni ng. "
" I hav en' t f or got t en t he l as t t i me y et . " Coul d i t hav e been onl y
y es t er day ?
He was ar ound t o my s i de of t he car i n a bl ur . He s t ar t ed unbuc k l i ng me.
" I ' l l get t hos e, y ou go on ahead, " I pr ot es t ed.
" Hmmm…" he mus ed as he qui c k l y f i ni s hed. " I t s eems I ' m goi ng t o hav e t o
t amper wi t h y our memor y . "
Bef or e I c oul d r eac t , he pul l ed me f r om t he J eep and s et my f eet on t he
gr ound. I t was bar el y mi s t i ng now; Al i c e was goi ng t o be r i ght .
" Tamper wi t h my memor y ?" I as k ed ner v ous l y .
" Somet hi ng l i k e t hat . " He was wat c hi ng me i nt ent l y , c ar ef ul l y , but t her e
was humor deep i n hi s ey es . He pl ac ed hi s hands agai ns t t he J eep on
ei t her s i de of my head and l eaned f or war d, f or c i ng me t o pr es s back
agai ns t t he door . He l eaned i n even c l os er , hi s f ac e i nc hes f r om mi ne. I
had no r oom t o es c ape.
" Now, " he br eat hed, and j us t hi s s mel l di s t ur bed my t hought pr oc ess es ,
" what ex ac t l y ar e y ou wor r y i ng about ?"
" Wel l , um, hi t t i ng a t r ee —" I gul ped " — and dy i ng. And t hen get t i ng
si ck. "
He f ought bac k a s mi l e. Then he bent hi s head down and t ouc hed hi s c ol d
l i ps s of t l y t o t he hol l ow at t he bas e of my t hr oat .
" Ar e y ou s t i l l wor r i ed now?" he mur mur ed agai ns t my s k i n.
" Yes . " I s t r uggl ed t o c onc ent r at e. " About hi t t i ng t r ees and get t i ng s i c k . "
Hi s nos e dr ew a l i ne up t he s k i n of my t hr oat t o t he poi nt of my chi n.
Hi s c ol d br eat h t i c k l ed my s k i n.
" And now?" Hi s l i ps whi s per ed agai ns t my j aw.
" Tr ees , " I gas ped. " Mot i on s i c k nes s . "
He l i f t ed hi s f ac e t o k i s s my ey el i ds . " Bel l a, y ou don' t r eal l y t hi nk I
woul d hi t a t r ee, do y ou?"
" No, but I mi ght . " Ther e was no conf i denc e i n my v oi c e. He s mel l ed an
eas y v i c t or y .
He k i s s ed s l owl y down my c heek , st oppi ng j us t at t he c or ner of my mout h.
" Woul d I l et a t r ee hur t y ou?" Hi s l i ps bar el y br us hed agai ns t my
t r embl i ng l ower l i p.
" No, " I br eat hed. I k new t her e was a s ec ond par t t o my br i l l i ant def ens e,
but I c oul dn' t qui t e c al l i t bac k.
" You s ee, " he s ai d, hi s l i ps mov i ng agai ns t mi ne. " Ther e' s not hi ng t o be
af r ai d of , i s t her e?"
" No, " I s i ghed, gi v i ng up.
Then he t ook my f ac e i n hi s hands al mos t r oughl y , and k i s s ed me i n
ear nes t , hi s uny i el di ng l i ps mov i ng agai ns t mi ne.
Ther e r eal l y was no ex c us e f or my behav i or . Obv i ous l y I k new bet t er by
now. And y et I c oul dn' t s eem t o st op f r om r eac t i ng ex ac t l y as I had t he
f i r s t t i me. I ns t ead of k eepi ng s af el y mot i onl es s , my ar ms r eac hed up t o
t wi ne t i ght l y ar ound hi s nec k , and I was s uddenl y wel ded t o hi s s t one
f i gur e. I s i ghed, and my l i ps par t ed.
He s t agger ed bac k , br eak i ng my gr i p ef f or t l es s l y .
" Damn i t , Bel l a! " he br ok e of f , gas pi ng. " You' l l be t he deat h of me, I
s wear y ou wi l l . "
I l eaned ov er , br ac i ng my hands agai ns t my k nees f or s uppor t .
" You' r e i ndes t r uc t i bl e, " I mumbl ed, t r y i ng t o c at c h my br eat h.
" I mi ght hav e bel i ev ed t hat bef or e I met y ou. Now l et ' s get out of her e
bef or e I do s omet hi ng r eal l y s t upi d, " he gr owl ed.
He t hr ew me ac r os s hi s bac k as he had bef or e, and I c oul d s ee t he ex t r a
ef f or t i t t ook f or hi m t o be as gent l e as he was . I l oc k ed my l egs ar ound
hi s wai s t and s ec ur ed my ar ms i n a c hok e hol d ar ound hi s nec k .
" Don' t f or get t o c l os e y our ey es , " he war ned s ev er el y .
I qui c k l y t uc k ed my f ac e i nt o hi s s houl der bl ade, under my own ar m, and
s queez ed my ey es s hut .
And I c oul d har dl y t el l we wer e mov i ng. I c oul d f eel hi m gl i di ng al ong
beneat h me, but he c oul d hav e been s t r ol l i ng down t he s i dewal k , t he
mov ement was s o s moot h. I was t empt ed t o peek , j us t t o s ee i f he was
r eal l y f l y i ng t hr ough t he f or es t l i k e bef or e, but I r es i s t ed. I t was n' t
wor t h t hat awf ul di z z i nes s . I c ont ent ed my s el f wi t h l i s t eni ng t o hi s
br eat h c ome and go ev enl y .
I was n' t qui t e s ur e we had s t opped unt i l he r eac hed bac k and t ouc hed my
hai r .
" I t ' s ov er , Bel l a. "
I dar ed t o open my ey es , and, s ur e enough, we wer e at a s t ands t i l l . I
s t i f f l y unl oc k ed my s t r angl ehol d on hi s body and s l i pped t o t he gr ound,
l andi ng on my bac k s i de.
" Oh! " I huf f ed as I hi t t he wet gr ound.
He s t ar ed at me i nc r edul ous l y , evi dent l y not s ur e whet her he was st i l l
t oo mad t o f i nd me f unny . But my bewi l der ed ex pr es s i on pus hed hi m ov er
t he edge, and he br ok e i nt o a r oar of l aught er .
I pi c k ed my s el f up, i gnor i ng hi m as I br us hed t he mud and br ac k en of f t he
bac k of my j ac k et . That onl y made hi m l augh har der . Annoy ed, I began t o
s t r i de of f i nt o t he f or es t .
I f el t hi s ar m ar ound my wai s t .
" Wher e ar e y ou goi ng, Bel l a?"
" To wat c h a bas ebal l game. You don' t s eem t o be i nt er es t ed i n pl ayi ng
any mor e, but I ' m s ur e t he ot her s wi l l hav e f un wi t hout y ou. "
" You' r e goi ng t he wr ong way . "
I t ur ned ar ound wi t hout l ook i ng at hi m, and s t al k ed of f i n t he oppos i t e
di r ec t i on. He c aught me agai n.
" Don' t be mad, I c oul dn' t hel p mys el f . You s houl d hav e s een y our f ac e. "
He c huc k l ed bef or e he c oul d s t op hi ms el f .
" Oh, y ou' r e t he onl y one who' s al l owed t o get mad?" I as k ed, r ai s i ng my
ey ebr ows .
" I was n' t mad at y ou. "
" ' Bel l a, y ou' l l be t he deat h of me' ?" I quot ed s our l y .
" That was s i mpl y a s t at ement of f ac t . "
I t r i ed t o t ur n away f r om hi m agai n, but he hel d me f as t .
" You wer e mad, " I i ns i s t ed.
" Yes . "
" But y ou j us t s ai d —"
" That I was n' t mad at y ou. Can' t y ou s ee t hat , Bel l a?" He was s uddenl y
i nt ens e, al l t r ac e of t eas i ng gone. " Don' t y ou under s t and?"
" See what ?" I demanded, c onf us ed by hi s s udden mood s wi ng as muc h as hi s
wor ds .
" I ' m nev er angr y wi t h y ou — how coul d I be? Br av e, t r us t i ng… war m as y ou
ar e. "
" Then why ?" I whi s per ed, r emember i ng t he bl ac k moods t hat pul l ed hi m away
f r om me, t hat I ' d al way s i nt er pr et ed as wel l - j us t i f i ed f r us t r at i on —
f r us t r at i on at my weak nes s , my s l ownes s , my unr ul y human r eac t i ons…
He put hi s hands c ar ef ul l y on bot h s i des of my f ac e. " I i nf ur i at e
my s el f , " he s ai d gent l y . " The way I c an' t s eem t o k eep f r om put t i ng y ou
i n danger . My v er y ex i s t enc e put s y ou at r i s k . Somet i mes I t r ul y hat e
my s el f . I s houl d be s t r onger , I shoul d be abl e t o —"
I pl ac ed my hand ov er hi s mout h. " Don' t . "
He t ook my hand, mov i ng i t f r om hi s l i ps , but hol di ng i t t o hi s f ac e.
" I l ov e y ou, " he s ai d. " I t ' s a poor ex c us e f or what I ' m doi ng, but i t ' s
s t i l l t r ue. "
I t was t he f i r s t t i me he' d s ai d he l ov ed me — i n s o many wor ds . He mi ght
not r eal i z e i t , but I c er t ai nl y di d.
" Now, pl eas e t r y t o behav e y our s el f , " he c ont i nued, and he bent t o s of t l y
br us h hi s l i ps agai ns t mi ne.
I hel d pr oper l y s t i l l . Then I s i ghed.
" You pr omi s ed Chi ef Swan t hat y ou woul d hav e me home ear l y , r emember ?
We' d bet t er get goi ng. "
" Yes , ma' am. "
He s mi l ed wi s t f ul l y and r el eas ed al l of me but one hand. He l ed me a f ew
f eet t hr ough t he t al l , wet f er ns and dr api ng mos s , ar ound a mas s i ve
heml oc k t r ee, and we wer e t her e, on t he edge of an enor mous open f i el d i n
t he l ap of t he Ol y mpi c peak s . I t was t wi c e t he s i z e of any bas ebal l
s t adi um.
I c oul d s ee t he ot her s al l t her e; Es me, Emmet t , and Ros al i e, s i t t i ng on a
bar e out c r oppi ng of r oc k , wer e t he c l os es t t o us , may be a hundr ed y ar ds
away . Muc h f ar t her out I c oul d s ee J as per and Al i c e, at l eas t a quar t er
of a mi l e apar t , appear i ng t o t hr ow s omet hi ng bac k and f or t h, but I nev er
s aw any bal l . I t l ook ed l i k e Car l i s l e was mar k i ng bas es , but c oul d t hey
r eal l y be t hat f ar apar t ?
When we c ame i nt o v i ew, t he t hr ee on t he r oc k s r os e.
Es me s t ar t ed t owar d us . Emmet t f ol l owed af t er a l ong l ook at Ros al i e' s
bac k ; Ros al i e had r i s en gr ac ef ul l y and s t r ode of f t owar d t he f i el d
wi t hout a gl anc e i n our di r ec t i on. My s t omac h qui v er ed uneas i l y i n
r es pons e.
" Was t hat y ou we hear d, Edwar d?" Es me as k ed as s he appr oac hed.
" I t s ounded l i k e a bear c hok i ng, " Emmet t c l ar i f i ed.
I s mi l ed hes i t ant l y at Es me. " That was hi m. "
" Bel l a was bei ng uni nt ent i onal l y f unny , " Edwar d ex pl ai ned, qui c k l y
s et t l i ng t he s c or e.
Al i c e had l ef t her pos i t i on and was r unni ng, or danc i ng, t owar d us. She
hur t l ed t o a f l ui d s t op at our f eet . " I t ' s t i me, " s he announc ed.
As s oon as s he s pok e, a deep r umbl e of t hunder s hook t he f or es t bey ond
us , and t hen c r as hed wes t war d t owar d t own.
" Eer i e, i s n' t i t ?" Emmet t s ai d wi t h eas y f ami l i ar i t y , wi nk i ng at me.
" Let ' s go. " Al i c e r eac hed f or Emmet t ' s hand and t hey dar t ed t owar d t he
ov er s i z ed f i el d; s he r an l i k e a gaz el l e. He was near l y as gr ac ef ul and
j us t as f as t — y et Emmet t c oul d nev er be c ompar ed t o a gaz el l e.
" Ar e y ou r eady f or s ome bal l ?" Edwar d as k ed, hi s ey es eager , br i ght .
I t r i ed t o s ound appr opr i at el y ent hus i as t i c . " Go t eam! "
He s ni c k er ed and, af t er mus s i ng my hai r , bounded of f af t er t he ot her t wo.
Hi s r un was mor e aggr es s i v e, a c heet ah r at her t han a gaz el l e, and he
qui c k l y ov er t ook t hem. The gr ac e and power t ook my br eat h away .
" Shal l we go down?" Es me as k ed i n her s of t , mel odi c v oi c e, and I r eal i z ed
I was s t ar i ng openmout hed af t er hi m. I qui c k l y r eas s embl ed my ex pr es s i on
and nodded. Es me k ept a f ew f eet bet ween us , and I wonder ed i f s he was
s t i l l bei ng c ar ef ul not t o f r i ght en me. She mat c hed her s t r i de t o mi ne
wi t hout s eemi ng i mpat i ent at t he pac e.
" You don' t pl ay wi t h t hem?" I as ked s hy l y .
" No, I pr ef er t o r ef er ee — I l i k e k eepi ng t hem hones t , " s he ex pl ai ned.
" Do t hey l i k e t o c heat , t hen?"
" Oh y es — y ou s houl d hear t he ar gument s t hey get i nt o! Ac t ual l y , I hope
y ou don' t , y ou woul d t hi nk t hey wer e r ai s ed by a pac k of wol v es . "
" You s ound l i k e my mom, " I l aughed, s ur pr i s ed.
She l aughed, t oo. " Wel l , I do t hi nk of t hem as my c hi l dr en i n mos t way s .
I nev er c oul d get ov er my mot her i ng i ns t i nc t s — di d Edwar d t el l y ou I had
l os t a c hi l d?"
" No, " I mur mur ed, s t unned, s c r ambl i ng t o under s t and what l i f et i me s he was
r emember i ng.
" Yes , my f i r s t and onl y baby . He di ed j us t a f ew day s af t er he was bor n,
t he poor t i ny t hi ng, " s he s i ghed. " I t br ok e my hear t — t hat ' s why I
j umped of f t he c l i f f , y ou k now, " s he added mat t er - of - f ac t l y .
" Edwar d j us t s ai d y ou f - f el l , " I s t ammer ed.
" Al way s t he gent l eman. " She s mi l ed. " Edwar d was t he f i r s t of my new s ons .
I ' v e al way s t hought of hi m t hat way , ev en t hough he' s ol der t han I , i n
one way at l eas t . " She s mi l ed at me war ml y . " That ' s why I ' m s o happy t hat
he' s f ound y ou, dear . " The endear ment s ounded v er y nat ur al on her l i ps .
" He' s been t he odd man out f or f ar t oo l ong; i t ' s hur t me t o s ee hi m
al one. "
" You don' t mi nd, t hen?" I as k ed, hes i t ant agai n. " That I ' m… al l wr ong f or
hi m?"
" No. " She was t hought f ul . " You' r e what he want s . I t wi l l wor k out ,
s omehow, " s he s ai d, t hough her f or ehead c r eas ed wi t h wor r y . Anot her peal
of t hunder began.
Es me s t opped t hen; appar ent l y , we' d r eac hed t he edge of t he f i el d. I t
l ook ed as i f t hey had f or med t eams . Edwar d was f ar out i n l ef t f i el d,
Car l i s l e s t ood bet ween t he f i r s t and s ec ond bas es , and Al i c e hel d t he
bal l , pos i t i oned on t he s pot t hat mus t be t he pi t c her ' s mound.
Emmet t was s wi ngi ng an al umi num bat ; i t whi s t l ed al mos t unt r ac eabl y
t hr ough t he ai r . I wai t ed f or hi m t o appr oac h home pl at e, but t hen I
r eal i z ed, as he t ook hi s s t anc e, t hat he was al r eady t her e — f ar t her f r om
t he pi t c her ' s mound t han I woul d hav e t hought pos s i bl e. J as per s t ood
s ev er al f eet behi nd hi m, c at c hi ng f or t he ot her t eam. Of c our s e, none of
t hem had gl ov es .
" Al l r i ght , " Es me c al l ed i n a c l ear v oi c e, whi c h I k new ev en Edwar d woul d
hear , as f ar out as he was . " Bat t er up. "
Al i c e s t ood s t r ai ght , dec ept i v el y mot i onl es s . Her s t y l e s eemed t o be
s t eal t h r at her t han an i nt i mi dat i ng wi ndup. She hel d t he bal l i n bot h
hands at her wai s t , and t hen, l i ke t he s t r i k e of a c obr a, her r i ght hand
f l i c k ed out and t he bal l s mac k ed i nt o J as per ' s hand.
" Was t hat a s t r i k e?" I whi s per ed t o Es me.
" I f t hey don' t hi t i t , i t ' s a s t r i k e, " s he t ol d me.
J as per hur l ed t he bal l bac k t o Al i c e' s wai t i ng hand. She per mi t t ed
her s el f a br i ef gr i n. And t hen her hand s pun out agai n.
Thi s t i me t he bat s omehow made i t ar ound i n t i me t o s mas h i nt o t he
i nv i s i bl e bal l . The c r ac k of i mpac t was s hat t er i ng, t hunder ous ; i t ec hoed
of f t he mount ai ns — I i mmedi at el y under s t ood t he nec es s i t y of t he
t hunder s t or m.
The bal l s hot l i k e a met eor abov e t he f i el d, f l y i ng deep i nt o t he
s ur r oundi ng f or es t .
" Home r un, " I mur mur ed.
" Wai t , " Es me c aut i oned, l i s t eni ng i nt ent l y , one hand r ai s ed. Emmet t was a
bl ur ar ound t he bas es , Car l i s l e shadowi ng hi m. I r eal i z ed Edwar d was
mi s s i ng.
" Out ! " Es me c r i ed i n a c l ear v oi ce. I s t ar ed i n di s bel i ef as Edwar d
s pr ang f r om t he f r i nge of t he t r ees , bal l i n hi s upr ai s ed hand, hi s wi de
gr i n v i s i bl e ev en t o me.
" Emmet t hi t s t he har des t , " Es me ex pl ai ned, " but Edwar d r uns t he f as t es t . "
The i nni ng c ont i nued bef or e my i nc r edul ous ey es . I t was i mpos s i bl e t o
k eep up wi t h t he s peed at whi c h t he bal l f l ew, t he r at e at whi c h t hei r
bodi es r ac ed ar ound t he f i el d.
I l ear ned t he ot her r eas on t hey wai t ed f or a t hunder s t or m t o pl ay when
J as per , t r y i ng t o av oi d Edwar d' s i nf al l i bl e f i el di ng, hi t a gr ound bal l
t owar d Car l i s l e. Car l i s l e r an i nt o t he bal l , and t hen r ac ed J as per t o
f i r s t bas e. When t hey c ol l i ded, t he s ound was l i k e t he c r as h of t wo
mas s i v e f al l i ng boul der s . I j umped up i n c onc er n, but t hey wer e s omehow
uns c at hed.
" Saf e, " Es me c al l ed i n a c al m v oi c e.
Emmet t ' s t eam was up by one — Rosal i e managed t o f l i t ar ound t he bas es
af t er t aggi ng up on one of Emmet t ' s l ong f l i es — when Edwar d c aught t he
t hi r d out . He s pr i nt ed t o my s i de, s par k l i ng wi t h ex c i t ement .
" What do y ou t hi nk ?" he as k ed.
" One t hi ng' s f or s ur e, I ' l l nev er be abl e t o s i t t hr ough dul l ol d Maj or
League Bas ebal l agai n. "
" And i t s ounds l i k e y ou di d s o muc h of t hat bef or e, " he l aughed.
" I am a l i t t l e di s appoi nt ed, " I t eas ed.
" Why ?" he as k ed, puz z l ed.
" Wel l , i t woul d be ni c e i f I c oul d f i nd j us t one t hi ng y ou di dn' t do
bet t er t han ev er y one el s e on t he pl anet . "
He f l as hed hi s s pec i al c r ook ed s mi l e, l eav i ng me br eat hl es s .
" I ' m up, " he s ai d, headi ng f or t he pl at e.
He pl ay ed i nt el l i gent l y , k eepi ng t he bal l l ow, out of t he r eac h of
Ros al i e' s al way s - r eady hand i n t he out f i el d, gai ni ng t wo bas es l i ke
l i ght ni ng bef or e Emmet t c oul d get t he bal l bac k i n pl ay . Car l i s l e k noc k ed
one s o f ar out of t he f i el d — wi t h a boom t hat hur t my ear s — t hat he and
Edwar d bot h made i t i n. Al i c e s l apped t hem dai nt y hi gh f i v es .
The s c or e c ons t ant l y c hanged as t he game c ont i nued, and t hey r az z ed eac h
ot her l i k e any s t r eet bal l pl ay er s as t hey t ook t ur ns wi t h t he l ead.
Oc c as i onal l y Es me woul d c al l t hem t o or der . The t hunder r umbl ed on, but
we s t ay ed dr y , as Al i c e had pr edi c t ed.
Car l i s l e was up t o bat , Edwar d c at c hi ng, when Al i c e s uddenl y gas ped. My
ey es wer e on Edwar d, as us ual , and I s aw hi s head s nap up t o l ook at her .
Thei r ey es met and s omet hi ng f l owed bet ween t hem i n an i ns t ant . He was at
my s i de bef or e t he ot her s c oul d as k Al i c e what was wr ong.
" Al i c e?" Es me' s v oi c e was t ens e.
" I di dn' t s ee — I c oul dn' t t el l , " s he whi s per ed.
Al l t he ot her s wer e gat her ed by t hi s t i me.
" What i s i t , Al i c e?" Car l i s l e as ked wi t h t he c al m v oi c e of aut hor i t y .
" They wer e t r av el i ng muc h qui c k er t han I t hought . I c an s ee I had t he
per s pec t i v e wr ong bef or e, " s he mur mur ed.
J as per l eaned ov er her , hi s pos t ur e pr ot ec t i v e. " What c hanged?" he as k ed.
" They hear d us pl ay i ng, and i t c hanged t hei r pat h, " s he s ai d, c ont r i t e,
as i f s he f el t r es pons i bl e f or what ev er had f r i ght ened her .
Sev en pai r s of qui c k ey es f l as hed t o my f ac e and away .
" How s oon?" Car l i s l e s ai d, t ur ni ng t owar d Edwar d.
A l ook of i nt ens e c onc ent r at i on cr os s ed hi s f ac e.
" Les s t han f i v e mi nut es . They ' r e r unni ng — t hey want t o pl ay . " He s c owl ed.
" Can y ou mak e i t ?" Car l i s l e as k ed hi m, hi s ey es f l i c k i ng t owar d me agai n.
" No, not c ar r y i ng —" He c ut s hor t . " Bes i des , t he l as t t hi ng we need i s
f or t hem t o c at c h t he s c ent and st ar t hunt i ng. "
" How many ?" Emmet t as k ed Al i c e.
" Thr ee, " s he ans wer ed t er s el y .
" Thr ee! " he s c of f ed. " Let t hem c ome. " The s t eel bands of mus c l e f l ex ed
al ong hi s mas s i v e ar ms .
For a s pl i t s ec ond t hat s eemed muc h l onger t han i t r eal l y was , Car l i s l e
del i ber at ed. Onl y Emmet t s eemed unper t ur bed; t he r es t s t ar ed at
Car l i s l e' s f ac e wi t h anx i ous ey es.
" Let ' s j us t c ont i nue t he game, " Car l i s l e f i nal l y dec i ded. Hi s v oi ce was
c ool and l ev el . " Al i c e s ai d t hey wer e s i mpl y c ur i ous . "
Al l t hi s was s ai d i n a f l ur r y of wor ds t hat l as t ed onl y a f ew s ec onds . I
had l i s t ened c ar ef ul l y and c aught mos t of i t , t hough I c oul dn' t hear what
Es me now as k ed Edwar d wi t h a s i l ent v i br at i on of her l i ps . I onl y s aw t he
s l i ght s hak e of hi s head and t he l ook of r el i ef on her f ac e.
" You c at c h, Es me, " he s ai d. " I ' l l c al l i t now. " And he pl ant ed hi ms el f i n
f r ont of me.
The ot her s r et ur ned t o t he f i el d, war i l y s weepi ng t he dar k f or es t wi t h
t hei r s har p ey es . Al i c e and Es me s eemed t o or i ent t hems el v es ar ound wher e
I s t ood.
" Tak e y our hai r down, " Edwar d s ai d i n a l ow, ev en v oi c e.
I obedi ent l y s l i d t he r ubber band out of my hai r and s hook i t out ar ound
me.
I s t at ed t he obv i ous . " The ot her s ar e c omi ng now. "
" Yes , s t ay v er y s t i l l , k eep qui et , and don' t mov e f r om my s i de, pl eas e. "
He hi d t he s t r es s i n hi s v oi c e wel l , but I c oul d hear i t . He pul l ed my
l ong hai r f or war d, ar ound my f ac e.
" That won' t hel p, " Al i c e s ai d s of t l y . " I c oul d s mel l her ac r os s t he
f i el d. "
" I k now. " A hi nt of f r us t r at i on col or ed hi s t one.
Car l i s l e s t ood at t he pl at e, and t he ot her s j oi ned t he game hal f hear t edl y .
" What di d Es me as k y ou?" I whi s per ed.
He hes i t at ed f or a s ec ond bef or e he ans wer ed. " Whet her t hey wer e
t hi r s t y , " he mut t er ed unwi l l i ngl y.
The s ec onds t i c k ed by ; t he game pr ogr es s ed wi t h apat hy now. No one dar ed
t o hi t har der t han a bunt , and Emmet t , Ros al i e, and J as per hov er ed i n t he
i nf i el d. Now and agai n, des pi t e t he f ear t hat numbed my br ai n, I was
awar e of Ros al i e' s ey es on me. They wer e ex pr es s i onl es s , but s omet hi ng
about t he way s he hel d her mout h made me t hi nk s he was angr y .
Edwar d pai d no at t ent i on t o t he game at al l , ey es and mi nd r angi ng t he
f or es t .
" I ' m s or r y , Bel l a, " he mut t er ed f i er c el y . " I t was s t upi d, i r r es pons i bl e,
t o ex pos e y ou l i k e t hi s . I ' m s o sor r y . "
I hear d hi s br eat h s t op, and hi s ey es z er oed i n on r i ght f i el d. He t ook a
hal f s t ep, angl i ng hi ms el f bet ween me and what was c omi ng.
Car l i s l e, Emmet t , and t he ot her s t ur ned i n t he s ame di r ec t i on, hear i ng
s ounds of pas s age muc h t oo f ai nt f or my ear s .
===========================================================================

18. THE HUNT

They emer ged one by one f r om t he f or es t edge, r angi ng a doz en met er s

apar t . The f i r s t mal e i nt o t he c l ear i ng f el l bac k i mmedi at el y , al l owi ng
t he ot her mal e t o t ak e t he f r ont , or i ent i ng hi ms el f ar ound t he t al l ,
dar k - hai r ed man i n a manner t hat c l ear l y di s pl ay ed who l ed t he pack . The
t hi r d was a woman; f r om t hi s di s t anc e, al l I c oul d s ee of her was t hat
her hai r was a s t ar t l i ng s hade of r ed.
They c l os ed r ank s bef or e t hey c ont i nued c aut i ous l y t owar d Edwar d' s
f ami l y , ex hi bi t i ng t he nat ur al r es pec t of a t r oop of pr edat or s as i t
enc ount er s a l ar ger , unf ami l i ar gr oup of i t s own k i nd.
As t hey appr oac hed, I c oul d s ee how di f f er ent t hey wer e f r om t he Cul l ens .
Thei r wal k was c at l i k e, a gai t t hat s eemed c ons t ant l y on t he edge of
s hi f t i ng i nt o a c r ouc h. They dr ess ed i n t he or di nar y gear of bac k pac k er s :
j eans and c as ual but t on- down s hi r t s i n heav y , weat her pr oof f abr i c s. The
c l ot hes wer e f r ay ed, t hough, wi t h wear , and t hey wer e bar ef oot . Bot h men
had c r opped hai r , but t he woman' s br i l l i ant or ange hai r was f i l l ed wi t h
l eav es and debr i s f r om t he woods .
Thei r s har p ey es c ar ef ul l y t ook i n t he mor e pol i s hed, ur bane s t ance of
Car l i s l e, who, f l ank ed by Emmet t and J as per , s t epped guar dedl y f or war d t o
meet t hem. Wi t hout any s eemi ng c ommuni c at i on bet ween t hem, t hey eac h
s t r ai ght ened i nt o a mor e c as ual , er ec t bear i ng.
The man i n f r ont was eas i l y t he mos t beaut i f ul , hi s s k i n ol i v e- t oned
beneat h t he t y pi c al pal l or , hi s hai r a gl os s y bl ac k . He was of a medi um
bui l d, har d- mus c l ed, of c our s e, but not hi ng nex t t o Emmet t ' s br awn. He
s mi l ed an eas y s mi l e, ex pos i ng a f l as h of gl eami ng whi t e t eet h.
The woman was wi l der , her ey es s hi f t i ng r es t l es s l y bet ween t he men f ac i ng
her , and t he l oos e gr oupi ng ar ound me, her c haot i c hai r qui v er i ng i n t he
s l i ght br eez e. Her pos t ur e was di s t i nc t l y f el i ne. The s ec ond mal e hov er ed
unobt r us i v el y behi nd t hem, s l i ght er t han t he l eader , hi s l i ght br own hai r
and r egul ar f eat ur es bot h nondes cr i pt . Hi s ey es , t hough c ompl et el y s t i l l ,
s omehow s eemed t he mos t v i gi l ant .
Thei r ey es wer e di f f er ent , t oo. Not t he gol d or bl ac k I had c ome t o
ex pec t , but a deep bur gundy c ol or t hat was di s t ur bi ng and s i ni s t er .
The dar k - hai r ed man, s t i l l s mi l i ng, s t epped t owar d Car l i s l e.
" We t hought we hear d a game, " he s ai d i n a r el ax ed v oi c e wi t h t he
s l i ght es t of Fr enc h ac c ent s . " I ' m Laur ent , t hes e ar e Vi c t or i a and J ames . "
He ges t ur ed t o t he v ampi r es bes i de hi m.
" I ' m Car l i s l e. Thi s i s my f ami l y , Emmet t and J as per , Ros al i e, Es me and
Al i c e, Edwar d and Bel l a. " He poi nt ed us out i n gr oups , del i ber at el y not
c al l i ng at t ent i on t o i ndi v i dual s . I f el t a s hoc k when he s ai d my name.
" Do y ou hav e r oom f or a f ew mor e pl ay er s ?" Laur ent as k ed s oc i abl y .
Car l i s l e mat c hed Laur ent ' s f r i endl y t one. " Ac t ual l y , we wer e j us t
f i ni s hi ng up. But we' d c er t ai nl y be i nt er es t ed anot her t i me. Ar e you
pl anni ng t o s t ay i n t he ar ea f or l ong?"
" We' r e headed nor t h, i n f ac t , but we wer e c ur i ous t o s ee who was i n t he
nei ghbor hood. We hav en' t r un i nt o any c ompany i n a l ong t i me. "
" No, t hi s r egi on i s us ual l y empt y ex c ept f or us and t he oc c as i onal
v i s i t or , l i k e y our s el v es . "
The t ens e at mos pher e had s l owl y subs i ded i nt o a c as ual c onv er s at i on; I
gues s ed t hat J as per was us i ng hi s pec ul i ar gi f t t o c ont r ol t he s i t uat i on.
" What ' s y our hunt i ng r ange?" Laur ent c as ual l y i nqui r ed.
Car l i s l e i gnor ed t he as s umpt i on behi nd t he i nqui r y . " The Ol y mpi c Range
her e, up and down t he Coas t Ranges on oc c as i on. We k eep a per manent
r es i denc e near by . Ther e' s anot her per manent s et t l ement l i k e our s up near
Denal i . "
Laur ent r oc k ed bac k on hi s heel s s l i ght l y .
" Per manent ? How do y ou manage t hat ?" Ther e was hones t c ur i os i t y i n hi s
v oi c e.
" Why don' t y ou c ome bac k t o our home wi t h us and we c an t al k
c omf or t abl y ?" Car l i s l e i nv i t ed. " I t ' s a r at her l ong s t or y . "
J ames and Vi c t or i a ex c hanged a s ur pr i s ed l ook at t he ment i on of t he wor d
" home, " but Laur ent c ont r ol l ed hi s ex pr es s i on bet t er .
" That s ounds v er y i nt er es t i ng, and wel c ome. " Hi s s mi l e was geni al . " We' v e
been on t he hunt al l t he way down f r om Ont ar i o, and we hav en' t had t he
c hanc e t o c l ean up i n a whi l e. " Hi s ey es mov ed appr ec i at i v el y ov er
Car l i s l e' s r ef i ned appear anc e.
" Pl eas e don' t t ak e of f ens e, but we' d appr ec i at e i t i f y ou' d r ef r ai n f r om
hunt i ng i n t hi s i mmedi at e ar ea. We hav e t o s t ay i nc ons pi c uous , y ou
under s t and, " Car l i s l e ex pl ai ned.
" Of c our s e. " Laur ent nodded. " We c er t ai nl y won' t enc r oac h on y our
t er r i t or y . We j us t at e out s i de of Seat t l e, any way , " he l aughed. A s hi v er
r an up my s pi ne.
" We' l l s how y ou t he way i f y ou' d l i k e t o r un wi t h us — Emmet t and Al i c e,
y ou c an go wi t h Edwar d and Bel l a t o get t he J eep, " he c as ual l y added.
Thr ee t hi ngs s eemed t o happen s i mul t aneous l y whi l e Car l i s l e was s peak i ng.
My hai r r uf f l ed wi t h t he l i ght br eez e, Edwar d s t i f f ened, and t he sec ond
mal e, J ames , s uddenl y whi pped hi s head ar ound, s c r ut i ni z i ng me, hi s
nos t r i l s f l ar i ng.
A s wi f t r i gi di t y f el l on al l of t hem as J ames l ur c hed one s t ep f or war d
i nt o a c r ouc h. Edwar d bar ed hi s t eet h, c r ouc hi ng i n def ens e, a f er al
s nar l r i ppi ng f r om hi s t hr oat .
I t was not hi ng l i k e t he pl ay f ul sounds I ' d hear d f r om hi m t hi s mor ni ng;
i t was t he s i ngl e mos t menac i ng t hi ng I had ev er hear d, and c hi l l s r an
f r om t he c r own of my head t o t he bac k of my heel s .
" What ' s t hi s ?" Laur ent ex c l ai med i n open s ur pr i s e. Nei t her J ames nor
Edwar d r el ax ed t hei r aggr es s i v e pos es . J ames f ei nt ed s l i ght l y t o t he
s i de, and Edwar d s hi f t ed i n r es pons e.
" She' s wi t h us . " Car l i s l e' s f i r m r ebuf f was di r ec t ed t owar d J ames .
Laur ent s eemed t o c at c h my s c ent l es s power f ul l y t han J ames , but
awar enes s now dawned on hi s f ac e.
" You br ought a s nac k ?" he as k ed, hi s ex pr es s i on i nc r edul ous as he t ook an
i nv ol unt ar y s t ep f or war d.
Edwar d s nar l ed ev en mor e f er oc i ous l y , har s hl y , hi s l i p c ur l i ng hi gh abov e
hi s gl i s t eni ng, bar ed t eet h. Laur ent s t epped bac k agai n.
" I s ai d s he' s wi t h us , " Car l i s l e c or r ec t ed i n a har d v oi c e.
" But s he' s human, " Laur ent pr ot est ed. The wor ds wer e not at al l
aggr es s i v e, mer el y as t ounded.
" Yes . " Emmet t was v er y muc h i n evi denc e at Car l i s l e' s s i de, hi s eyes on
J ames . J ames s l owl y s t r ai ght ened out of hi s c r ouc h, but hi s ey es nev er
l ef t me, hi s nos t r i l s s t i l l wi de. Edwar d s t ay ed t ens ed l i k e a l i on i n
f r ont of me.
When Laur ent s pok e, hi s t one was s oot hi ng — t r y i ng t o def us e t he sudden
hos t i l i t y . " I t appear s we hav e a l ot t o l ear n about eac h ot her . "
" I ndeed. " Car l i s l e' s v oi c e was s t i l l c ool .
" But we' d l i k e t o ac c ept y our i nvi t at i on. " Hi s ey es f l i c k ed t owar d me and
bac k t o Car l i s l e. " And, of c our s e, we wi l l not har m t he human gi r l . We
won' t hunt i n y our r ange, as I s ai d. "
J ames gl anc ed i n di s bel i ef and aggr av at i on at Laur ent and ex c hanged
anot her br i ef l ook wi t h Vi c t or i a, whos e ey es s t i l l f l i c k er ed edgi l y f r om
f ac e t o f ac e.
Car l i s l e meas ur ed Laur ent ' s open ex pr es s i on f or a moment bef or e he s pok e.
" We' l l s how y ou t he way . J as per , Ros al i e, Es me?" he c al l ed. They gat her ed
t oget her , bl oc k i ng me f r om v i ew as t hey c onv er ged. Al i c e was i ns t ant l y at
my s i de, and Emmet t f el l bac k s l owl y , hi s ey es l oc k ed on J ames as he
bac k ed t owar d us .
" Let ' s go, Bel l a. " Edwar d' s v oi c e was l ow and bl eak .
Thi s whol e t i me I ' d been r oot ed i n pl ac e, t er r i f i ed i nt o abs ol ut e
i mmobi l i t y . Edwar d had t o gr i p my el bow and pul l s har pl y t o br eak my
t r anc e. Al i c e and Emmet t wer e c l os e behi nd us , hi di ng me. I s t umbl ed
al ongs i de Edwar d, s t i l l s t unned wi t h f ear . I c oul dn' t hear i f t he mai n
gr oup had l ef t y et . Edwar d' s i mpat i enc e was al mos t t angi bl e as we mov ed
at human s peed t o t he f or es t edge.
Onc e we wer e i nt o t he t r ees , Edwar d s l ung me ov er hi s bac k wi t hout
br eak i ng s t r i de. I gr i pped as t i ght l y as pos s i bl e as he t ook of f , t he
ot her s c l os e on hi s heel s . I k ept my head down, but my ey es , wi de wi t h
f r i ght , woul dn' t c l os e. They pl unged t hr ough t he now- bl ac k f or es t l i ke
wr ai t hs . The s ens e of ex hi l ar at i on t hat us ual l y s eemed t o pos s es s Edwar d
as he r an was c ompl et el y abs ent , r epl ac ed by a f ur y t hat c ons umed hi m and
dr ov e hi m s t i l l f as t er . Ev en wi t h me on hi s bac k , t he ot her s t r ai l ed
behi nd.
We r eac hed t he J eep i n an i mpos s i bl y s hor t t i me, and Edwar d bar el y s l owed
as he f l ung me i n t he bac k s eat .
" St r ap her i n, " he or der ed Emmet t , who s l i d i n bes i de me.
Al i c e was al r eady i n t he f r ont s eat , and Edwar d was s t ar t i ng t he engi ne.
I t r oar ed t o l i f e and we s wer v ed bac k war d, s pi nni ng ar ound t o f ac e t he
wi ndi ng r oad.
Edwar d was gr owl i ng s omet hi ng t oo f as t f or me t o under s t and, but i t
s ounded a l ot l i k e a s t r i ng of pr of ani t i es .
The j ol t i ng t r i p was muc h wor s e t hi s t i me, and t he dar k nes s onl y made i t
mor e f r i ght eni ng. Emmet t and Al i ce bot h gl ar ed out t he s i de wi ndows .
We hi t t he mai n r oad, and t hough our s peed i nc r eas ed, I c oul d s ee muc h
bet t er wher e we wer e goi ng. And we wer e headed s out h, away f r om For k s .
" Wher e ar e we goi ng?" I as k ed.
No one ans wer ed. No one ev en l ooked at me.
" Dammi t , Edwar d! Wher e ar e y ou t ak i ng me?"
" We hav e t o get y ou away f r om her e — f ar away — now. " He di dn' t l ook
bac k , hi s ey es on t he r oad. The speedomet er r ead a hundr ed and f i ve mi l es
an hour .
" Tur n ar ound! You hav e t o t ak e me home! " I s hout ed. I s t r uggl ed wi t h t he
s t upi d har nes s , t ear i ng at t he s t r aps .
" Emmet t , " Edwar d s ai d gr i ml y .
And Emmet t s ec ur ed my hands i n hi s s t eel y gr as p.
" No! Edwar d! No, y ou c an' t do t hi s . "
" I hav e t o, Bel l a, now pl eas e be qui et . "
" I won' t ! You hav e t o t ak e me back — Char l i e wi l l c al l t he FBI ! They ' l l
be al l ov er y our f ami l y — Car l i s l e and Es me! They ' l l hav e t o l eav e, t o
hi de f or ev er ! "
" Cal m down, Bel l a. " Hi s v oi c e was c ol d. " We' v e been t her e bef or e. "
" Not ov er me, y ou don' t ! You' r e not r ui ni ng ev er y t hi ng ov er me! " I
s t r uggl ed v i ol ent l y , wi t h t ot al f ut i l i t y .
Al i c e s pok e f or t he f i r s t t i me. " Edwar d, pul l ov er . "
He f l as hed her a har d l ook , and t hen s ped up.
" Edwar d, l et ' s j us t t al k t hi s t hr ough. "
" You don' t under s t and, " he r oar ed i n f r us t r at i on. I ' d nev er hear d hi s
v oi c e s o l oud; i t was deaf eni ng i n t he c onf i nes of t he J eep. The
s peedomet er near ed one hundr ed and f i f t een. " He' s a t r ac k er , Al i c e, di d
y ou s ee t hat ? He' s a t r ac k er ! "
I f el t Emmet t s t i f f en nex t t o me, and I wonder ed at hi s r eac t i on t o t he
wor d. I t meant s omet hi ng mor e t o t he t hr ee of t hem t han i t di d t o me; I
want ed t o under s t and, but t her e was no openi ng f or me t o as k .
" Pul l ov er , Edwar d. " Al i c e' s t one was r eas onabl e, but t her e was a r i ng of
aut hor i t y i n i t I ' d nev er hear d bef or e.
The s peedomet er i nc hed pas s ed one- t went y .
" Do i t , Edwar d. "
" Li s t en t o me, Al i c e. I s aw hi s mi nd. Tr ac k i ng i s hi s pas s i on, hi s
obs es s i on — and he want s her , Al i c e — her , s pec i f i c al l y . He begi ns t he
hunt t oni ght . "
" He does n' t k now wher e —"
He i nt er r upt ed her . " How l ong do y ou t hi nk i t wi l l t ak e hi m t o c r os s her
s c ent i n t own? Hi s pl an was al r eady s et bef or e t he wor ds wer e out of
Laur ent ' s mout h. "
I gas ped, k nowi ng wher e my s c ent woul d l ead. " Char l i e! You c an' t l eav e
hi m t her e! You c an' t l eav e hi m! " I t hr as hed agai ns t t he har nes s .
" She' s r i ght , " Al i c e s ai d.
The c ar s l owed s l i ght l y .
" Let ' s j us t l ook at our opt i ons f or a mi nut e, " Al i c e c oax ed.
The c ar s l owed agai n, mor e not i c eabl y , and t hen s uddenl y we s c r eeched t o
a s t op on t he s houl der of t he hi ghway . I f l ew agai ns t t he har nes s , and
t hen s l ammed bac k i nt o t he s eat .
" Ther e ar e no opt i ons , " Edwar d hi s s ed.
" I ' m not l eav i ng Char l i e! " I y el l ed.
He i gnor ed me c ompl et el y .
" We hav e t o t ak e her bac k , " Emmet t f i nal l y s pok e.
" No. " Edwar d was abs ol ut e.
" He' s no mat c h f or us , Edwar d. He won' t be abl e t o t ouc h her . "
" He' l l wai t . "
Emmet t s mi l ed. " I c an wai t , t oo. "
" You di dn' t s ee — y ou don' t under s t and. Onc e he c ommi t s t o a hunt , he' s
uns hak abl e. We' d hav e t o k i l l hi m. "
Emmet t di dn' t s eem ups et by t he i dea. " That ' s an opt i on. "
" And t he f emal e. She' s wi t h hi m. I f i t t ur ns i nt o a f i ght , t he l eader
wi l l go wi t h t hem, t oo. "
" Ther e ar e enough of us . "
" Ther e' s anot her opt i on, " Al i c e sai d qui et l y .
Edwar d t ur ned on her i n f ur y , hi s v oi c e a bl i s t er i ng s nar l . " Ther e — i s —
no — ot her — opt i on! "
Emmet t and I bot h s t ar ed at hi m i n s hoc k , but Al i c e s eemed uns ur pr i s ed.
The s i l enc e l as t ed f or a l ong mi nut e as Edwar d and Al i c e s t ar ed eac h
ot her down.
I br ok e i t . " Does any one want t o hear my pl an?"
" No, " Edwar d gr owl ed. Al i c e gl ar ed at hi m, f i nal l y pr ov ok ed.
" Li s t en, " I pl eaded. " You t ak e me bac k . "
" No, " he i nt er r upt ed.
I gl ar ed at hi m and c ont i nued. " You t ak e me bac k . I t el l my dad I want t o
go home t o Phoeni x . I pac k my bags . We wai t t i l l t hi s t r ac k er i s
wat c hi ng, and t hen we r un. He' l l f ol l ow us and l eav e Char l i e al one.
Char l i e won' t c al l t he FBI on y our f ami l y . Then y ou c an t ak e me any
damned pl ac e y ou want . "
They s t ar ed at me, s t unned.
" I t ' s not a bad i dea, r eal l y . " Emmet t ' s s ur pr i s e was def i ni t el y an i ns ul t .
" I t mi ght wor k — and we s i mpl y c an' t l eav e her f at her unpr ot ec t ed. You
k now t hat , " Al i c e s ai d.
Ev er y one l ook ed at Edwar d.
" I t ' s t oo danger ous — I don' t want hi m wi t hi n a hundr ed mi l es of her . "
Emmet t was s upr emel y c onf i dent . " Edwar d, he' s not get t i ng t hr ough us . "
Al i c e t hought f or a mi nut e. " I don' t s ee hi m at t ac k i ng. He' l l t r y t o wai t
f or us t o l eav e her al one. "
" I t won' t t ak e l ong f or hi m t o r eal i z e t hat ' s not goi ng t o happen. "
" I demand t hat y ou t ak e me home. " I t r i ed t o s ound f i r m.
Edwar d pr es s ed hi s f i nger s t o hi s t empl es and s queez ed hi s ey es s hut .
" Pl eas e, " I s ai d i n a muc h s mal l er v oi c e.
He di dn' t l ook up. When he s pok e, hi s v oi c e s ounded wor n.
" You' r e l eav i ng t oni ght , whet her t he t r ac k er s ees or not . You t el l
Char l i e t hat y ou c an' t s t and anot her mi nut e i n For k s . Tel l hi m what ev er
s t or y wor k s . Pac k t he f i r s t t hi ngs y our hands t ouc h, and t hen get i n y our
t r uc k . I don' t c ar e what he s ay s t o y ou. You hav e f i f t een mi nut es . Do y ou
hear me? Fi f t een mi nut es f r om t he t i me y ou c r os s t he door s t ep. "
The J eep r umbl ed t o l i f e, and he s pun us ar ound, t he t i r es s queal i ng. The
needl e on t he s peedomet er s t ar t ed t o r ac e up t he di al .
" Emmet t ?" I as k ed, l ook i ng poi nt edl y at my hands .
" Oh, s or r y . " He l et me l oos e.
A f ew mi nut es pas s ed i n s i l enc e, ot her t han t he r oar of t he engi ne. Then
Edwar d s pok e agai n.
" Thi s i s how i t ' s goi ng t o happen. When we get t o t he hous e, i f t he
t r ac k er i s not t her e, I wi l l wal k her t o t he door . Then s he has f i f t een
mi nut es . " He gl ar ed at me i n t he r ear v i ew mi r r or . " Emmet t , y ou t ake t he
out s i de of t he hous e. Al i c e, y ou get t he t r uc k . I ' l l be i ns i de as l ong as
s he i s . Af t er s he' s out , y ou t wo c an t ak e t he J eep home and t el l
Car l i s l e. "
" No way , " Emmet t br ok e i n. " I ' m wi t h y ou. "
" Thi nk i t t hr ough, Emmet t . I don' t k now how l ong I ' l l be gone. "
" Unt i l we k now how f ar t hi s i s goi ng t o go, I ' m wi t h y ou. "
Edwar d s i ghed. " I f t he t r ac k er i s t her e, " he c ont i nued gr i ml y , " we k eep
dr i v i ng. "
" We' r e goi ng t o mak e i t t her e bef or e hi m, " Al i c e s ai d c onf i dent l y .
Edwar d s eemed t o ac c ept t hat . What ev er hi s pr obl em wi t h Al i c e was , he
di dn' t doubt her now.
" What ar e we goi ng t o do wi t h t he J eep?" s he as k ed.
Hi s v oi c e had a har d edge. " You' r e dr i v i ng i t home. "
" No, I ' m not , " s he s ai d c al ml y .
The uni nt el l i gi bl e s t r eam of pr of ani t i es s t ar t ed agai n.
" We c an' t al l f i t i n my t r uc k , " I whi s per ed.
Edwar d di dn' t appear t o hear me.
" I t hi nk y ou s houl d l et me go al one, " I s ai d ev en mor e qui et l y .
He hear d t hat .
" Bel l a, pl eas e j us t do t hi s my way , j us t t hi s onc e, " he s ai d bet ween
c l enc hed t eet h.
" Li s t en, Char l i e' s not an i mbec i l e, " I pr ot es t ed. " I f y ou' r e not i n t own
t omor r ow, he' s goi ng t o get s us pi c i ous . "
" That ' s i r r el ev ant . We' l l mak e s ur e he' s s af e, and t hat ' s al l t hat
mat t er s . "
" Then what about t hi s t r ac k er ? He s aw t he way y ou ac t ed t oni ght . He' s
goi ng t o t hi nk y ou' r e wi t h me, wher ev er y ou ar e. "
Emmet t l ook ed at me, i ns ul t i ngl y s ur pr i s ed agai n. " Edwar d, l i s t en t o
her , " he ur ged. " I t hi nk s he' s r i ght . "
" Yes , s he i s , " Al i c e agr eed.
" I c an' t do t hat . " Edwar d' s v oi c e was i c y .
" Emmet t s houl d s t ay , t oo, " I c ont i nued. " He def i ni t el y got an ey ef ul of
Emmet t . "
" What ?" Emmet t t ur ned on me.
" You' l l get a bet t er c r ac k at hi m i f y ou s t ay , " Al i c e agr eed.
Edwar d s t ar ed at her i nc r edul ous l y . " You t hi nk I s houl d l et her go al one?"
" Of c our s e not , " Al i c e s ai d. " J asper and I wi l l t ak e her . "
" I c an' t do t hat , " Edwar d r epeat ed, but t hi s t i me t her e was a t r ace of
def eat i n hi s v oi c e. The l ogi c was wor k i ng on hi m.
I t r i ed t o be per s uas i v e. " Hang out her e f or a week —" I s aw hi s
ex pr es s i on i n t he mi r r or and amended " — a f ew day s . Let Char l i e s ee y ou
hav en' t k i dnapped me, and l ead t hi s J ames on a wi l d- goos e c has e. Mak e
s ur e he' s c ompl et el y of f my t r ai l . Then c ome and meet me. Tak e a
r oundabout r out e, of c our s e, and t hen J as per and Al i c e c an go home. "
I c oul d s ee hi m begi nni ng t o c onsi der i t .
" Meet y ou wher e?"
" Phoeni x . " Of c our s e.
" No. He' l l hear t hat ' s wher e y ou' r e goi ng, " he s ai d i mpat i ent l y .
" And y ou' l l mak e i t l ook l i k e t hat ' s a r us e, obv i ous l y . He' l l k now t hat
we' l l k now t hat he' s l i s t eni ng. He' l l nev er bel i ev e I ' m ac t ual l y goi ng
wher e I s ay I am goi ng. "
" She' s di abol i c al , " Emmet t c huc k l ed.
" And i f t hat does n' t wor k ?"
" Ther e ar e s ev er al mi l l i on peopl e i n Phoeni x , " I i nf or med hi m.
" I t ' s not t hat har d t o f i nd a phone book . "
" I won' t go home. "
" Oh?" he i nqui r ed, a danger ous not e i n hi s v oi c e.
" I ' m qui t e ol d enough t o get my own pl ac e. "
" Edwar d, we' l l be wi t h her , " Al i ce r emi nded hi m.
" What ar e y ou goi ng t o do i n Phoeni x ?" he as k ed her s c at hi ngl y .
" St ay i ndoor s . "
" I k i nd of l i k e i t . " Emmet t was t hi nk i ng about c or ner i ng J ames , no doubt .
" Shut up, Emmet t . "
" Look , i f we t r y t o t ak e hi m down whi l e s he' s s t i l l ar ound, t her e' s a
muc h bet t er c hanc e t hat s omeone wi l l get hur t — s he' l l get hur t , or y ou
wi l l , t r y i ng t o pr ot ec t her . Now, i f we get hi m al one…" He t r ai l ed of f
wi t h a s l ow s mi l e. I was r i ght .
The J eep was c r awl i ng s l owl y al ong now as we dr ov e i nt o t own. Des pi t e my
br av e t al k , I c oul d f eel t he hai r s on my ar ms s t andi ng up. I t hought
about Char l i e, al one i n t he hous e, and t r i ed t o be c our ageous .
" Bel l a. " Edwar d' s v oi c e was v er y s of t . Al i c e and Emmet t l ook ed out t hei r
wi ndows . " I f y ou l et any t hi ng happen t o y our s el f — any t hi ng at al l — I ' m
hol di ng y ou per s onal l y r es pons i bl e. Do y ou under s t and t hat ?"
" Yes , " I gul ped.
He t ur ned t o Al i c e.
" Can J as per handl e t hi s ?"
" Gi v e hi m s ome c r edi t , Edwar d. He' s been doi ng v er y , v er y wel l , al l
t hi ngs c ons i der ed. "
" Can y ou handl e t hi s ?" he as k ed.
And gr ac ef ul l i t t l e Al i c e pul l ed bac k her l i ps i n a hor r i f i c gr i mac e and
l et l oos e wi t h a gut t ur al s nar l t hat had me c ower i ng agai ns t t he seat i n
t er r or .
Edwar d s mi l ed at her . " But k eep your opi ni ons t o y our s el f , " he mut t er ed
s uddenl y .
===========================================================================

19. GOODBYES

Char l i e was wai t i ng up f or me. Al l t he hous e l i ght s wer e on. My mi nd was

bl ank as I t r i ed t o t hi nk of a way t o mak e hi m l et me go. Thi s wasn' t
goi ng t o be pl eas ant .
Edwar d pul l ed up s l owl y , s t ay i ng wel l bac k f r om my t r uc k . Al l t hr ee of
t hem wer e ac ut el y al er t , r amr od st r ai ght i n t hei r s eat s , l i s t eni ng t o
ev er y s ound of t he wood, l ook i ng t hr ough ev er y s hadow, c at c hi ng ever y
s c ent , s ear c hi ng f or s omet hi ng out of pl ac e. The engi ne c ut of f , and I
s at , mot i onl es s , as t hey c ont i nued t o l i s t en.
" He' s not her e, " Edwar d s ai d t ensel y . " Let ' s go. " Emmet t r eac hed ov er t o
hel p me get out of t he har nes s .
" Don' t wor r y , Bel l a, " he s ai d i n a l ow but c heer f ul v oi c e, " we' l l t ak e
c ar e of t hi ngs her e qui c k l y . "
I f el t moi s t ur e f i l l i ng up my ey es as I l ook ed at Emmet t . I bar el y k new
hi m, and y et , s omehow, not k nowi ng when I woul d s ee hi m agai n af t er
t oni ght was angui s hi ng. I k new t hi s was j us t a f ai nt t as t e of t he
goodby es I woul d hav e t o s ur v i v e i n t he nex t hour , and t he t hought made
t he t ear s begi n t o s pi l l .
" Al i c e, Emmet t . " Edwar d' s v oi c e was a c ommand. They s l i t her ed s oundl es s l y
i nt o t he dar k nes s , i ns t ant l y di s appear i ng. Edwar d opened my door and t ook
my hand, t hen dr ew me i nt o t he pr ot ec t i ng enc l os ur e of hi s ar m. He wal k ed
me s wi f t l y t owar d t he hous e, ey es al way s r ov i ng t hr ough t he ni ght .
" Fi f t een mi nut es , " he war ned under hi s br eat h.
" I c an do t hi s . " I s ni f f l ed. My t ear s had gi v en me an i ns pi r at i on.
I s t opped on t he por c h and t ook hol d of hi s f ac e i n my hands . I l ook ed
f i er c el y i nt o hi s ey es .
" I l ov e y ou, " I s ai d i n a l ow, i nt ens e v oi c e. " I wi l l al way s l ov e y ou, no
mat t er what happens now. "
" Not hi ng i s goi ng t o happen t o y ou, Bel l a, " he s ai d j us t as f i er c el y .
" J us t f ol l ow t he pl an, ok ay ? Keep Char l i e s af e f or me. He' s not goi ng t o
l i k e me v er y muc h af t er t hi s , and I want t o hav e t he c hanc e t o apol ogi z e
l at er . "
" Get i ns i de, Bel l a. We hav e t o hur r y . " Hi s v oi c e was ur gent .
" One mor e t hi ng, " I whi s per ed pass i onat el y . " Don' t l i s t en t o anot her wor d
I s ay t oni ght ! " He was l eani ng i n, and s o al l I had t o do was s t r et c h up
on my t oes t o k i s s hi s s ur pr i s ed, f r oz en l i ps wi t h as muc h f or c e as I was
c apabl e of . Then I t ur ned and k i ck ed t he door open.
" Go away , Edwar d! " I y el l ed at hi m, r unni ng i ns i de and s l ammi ng t he door
s hut i n hi s s t i l l - s hoc k ed f ac e.
" Bel l a?" Char l i e had been hov er i ng i n t he l i v i ng r oom, and he was al r eady
on hi s f eet .
" Leav e me al one! " I s c r eamed at hi m t hr ough my t ear s , whi c h wer e f l owi ng
r el ent l es s l y now. I r an up t he s t ai r s t o my r oom, t hr owi ng t he door s hut
and l oc k i ng i t . I r an t o my bed, f l i ngi ng my s el f on t he f l oor t o r et r i ev e
my duf f el bag. I r eac hed s wi f t l y bet ween t he mat t r es s and box s pr i ng t o
gr ab t he k not t ed ol d s oc k t hat c ont ai ned my s ec r et c as h hoar d.
Char l i e was poundi ng on my door .
" Bel l a, ar e y ou ok ay ? What ' s goi ng on?" Hi s v oi c e was f r i ght ened.
" I ' m goi ng bor ne, " I s hout ed, my v oi c e br eak i ng i n t he per f ec t s pot .
" Di d he hur t y ou?" Hi s t one edged t owar d anger .
" No! " I s hr i ek ed a f ew oc t av es hi gher . I t ur ned t o my dr es s er , and Edwar d
was al r eady t her e, s i l ent l y y ank i ng out ar mf ul s of r andom c l ot hes , whi c h
he pr oc eeded t o t hr ow t o me.
" Di d he br eak up wi t h y ou?" Char l i e was per pl ex ed.
" No! " I y el l ed, s l i ght l y mor e br eat hl es s as I s hov ed ev er y t hi ng i nt o t he
bag. Edwar d t hr ew anot her dr awer ' s c ont ent s at me. The bag was pr et t y
muc h f ul l now.
" What happened, Bel l a?" Char l i e shout ed t hr ough t he door , poundi ng agai n.
" I br ok e up wi t h hi m! " I s hout ed bac k , j er k i ng on t he z i pper of my bag.
Edwar d' s c apabl e hands pus hed mi ne away and z i pped i t s moot hl y . He put
t he s t r ap c ar ef ul l y ov er my ar m.
" I ' l l be i n t he t r uc k — go! " he whi s per ed, and pus hed me t owar d t he door .
He v ani s hed out t he wi ndow.
I unl oc k ed t he door and pus hed pas t Char l i e r oughl y , s t r uggl i ng wi t h my
heav y bag as I r an down t he s t ai r s .
" What happened?" he y el l ed. He was r i ght behi nd me. " I t hought y ou l i k ed
hi m. "
He c aught my el bow i n t he k i t c hen. Though he was s t i l l bewi l der ed, hi s
gr i p was f i r m.
He s pun me ar ound t o l ook at hi m, and I c oul d s ee i n hi s f ac e t hat he had
no i nt ent i on of l et t i ng me l eav e. I c oul d t hi nk of onl y one way t o
es c ape, and i t i nv ol v ed hur t i ng hi m s o muc h t hat I hat ed my s el f f or ev en
c ons i der i ng i t . But I had no t i me, and I had t o k eep hi m s af e.
I gl ar ed up at my f at her , f r es h t ear s i n my ey es f or what I was about t o
do.
" I do l i k e hi m — t hat ' s t he pr obl em. I c an' t do t hi s any mor e! I c an' t put
down any mor e r oot s her e! I don' t want t o end up t r apped i n t hi s st upi d,
bor i ng t own l i k e Mom! I ' m not goi ng t o mak e t he s ame dumb mi s t ak e s he
di d. I hat e i t — I c an' t s t ay her e anot her mi nut e! "
Hi s hand dr opped f r om my ar m l i k e I ' d el ec t r oc ut ed hi m. I t ur ned away
f r om hi s s hoc k ed, wounded f ac e and headed f or t he door .
" Bel l s , y ou c an' t l eav e now. I t ' s ni ght t i me, " he whi s per ed behi nd me.
I di dn' t t ur n ar ound. " I ' l l s l eep i n t he t r uc k i f I get t i r ed. "
" J us t wai t anot her week , " he pl ed, s t i l l s hel l - s hoc k ed. " Renée wi l l be
bac k by t hen. "
Thi s c ompl et el y der ai l ed me. " What ?"
Char l i e c ont i nued eager l y , al mos t babbl i ng wi t h r el i ef as I hes i t at ed.
" She c al l ed whi l e y ou wer e out . Thi ngs ar en' t goi ng s o wel l i n Fl or i da,
and i f Phi l does n' t get s i gned by t he end of t he week , t hey ' r e goi ng bac k
t o Ar i z ona. The as s i s t ant c oac h of t he Si dewi nder s s ai d t hey mi ght hav e a
s pot f or anot her s hor t s t op. "
I s hook my head, t r y i ng t o r eas s embl e my now- c onf us ed t hought s . Ever y
pas s i ng s ec ond put Char l i e i n mor e danger .
" I hav e a k ey , " I mut t er ed, t ur ni ng t he k nob. He was t oo c l os e, one hand
ex t ended t owar d me, hi s f ac e daz ed. I c oul dn' t l os e any mor e t i me ar gui ng
wi t h hi m. I was goi ng t o hav e t o hur t hi m f ur t her .
" J us t l et me go, Char l i e. " I r epeat ed my mot her ' s l as t wor ds as s he' d
wal k ed out t hi s s ame door s o many y ear s ago. I s ai d t hem as angr i l y as I
c oul d manage, and I t hr ew t he door open. " I t di dn' t wor k out , ok ay? I
r eal l y , r eal l y hat e For k s ! "
My c r uel wor ds di d t hei r j ob — Char l i e s t ay ed f r oz en on t he door s t ep,
s t unned, whi l e I r an i nt o t he ni ght . I was hi deous l y f r i ght ened of t he
empt y y ar d. I r an wi l dl y f or t he t r uc k , v i s ual i z i ng a dar k s hadow behi nd
me. I t hr ew my bag i n t he bed and wr enc hed t he door open. The k ey was
wai t i ng i n t he i gni t i on.
" I ' l l c al l y ou t omor r ow! " I y el l ed, wi s hi ng mor e t han any t hi ng t hat I
c oul d ex pl ai n ev er y t hi ng t o hi m r i ght t hen, k nowi ng I woul d nev er be abl e
t o. I gunned t he engi ne and peel ed out .
Edwar d r eac hed f or my hand.
" Pul l ov er , " he s ai d as t he hous e, and Char l i e, di s appear ed behi nd us .
" I c an dr i v e, " I s ai d t hr ough t he t ear s pour i ng down my c heek s .
Hi s l ong hands unex pec t edl y gr i pped my wai s t , and hi s f oot pus hed mi ne
of f t he gas pedal . He pul l ed me ac r os s hi s l ap, wr enc hi ng my hands f r ee
of t he wheel , and s uddenl y he was i n t he dr i v er ' s s eat . The t r uc k di dn' t
s wer v e an i nc h.
" You woul dn' t be abl e t o f i nd t he hous e, " he ex pl ai ned.
Li ght s f l ar ed s uddenl y behi nd us . I s t ar ed out t he bac k wi ndow, eyes wi de
wi t h hor r or .
" I t ' s j us t Al i c e, " he r eas s ur ed me. He t ook my hand agai n.
My mi nd was f i l l ed wi t h t he i mage of Char l i e i n t he door way . " The
t r ac k er ?"
" He hear d t he end of y our per f or manc e, " Edwar d s ai d gr i ml y .
" Char l i e?" I as k ed i n dr ead.
" The t r ac k er f ol l owed us . He' s r unni ng behi nd us now. "
My body went c ol d.
" Can we out r un hi m?"
" No. " But he s ped up as he s pok e. The t r uc k ' s engi ne whi ned i n pr ot es t .
My pl an s uddenl y di dn' t f eel s o br i l l i ant any mor e.
I was s t ar i ng bac k at Al i c e' s headl i ght s when t he t r uc k s hudder ed and a
dar k s hadow s pr ung up out s i de t he wi ndow.
My bl oodc ur dl i ng s c r eam l as t ed a f r ac t i on of a s ec ond bef or e Edwar d' s
hand c l amped down on my mout h.
" I t ' s Emmet t ! "
He r el eas ed my mout h, and wound hi s ar m ar ound my wai s t .
" I t ' s ok ay , Bel l a, " he pr omi s ed. " You' r e goi ng t o be s af e. "
We r ac ed t hr ough t he qui et t own t owar d t he nor t h hi ghway .
" I di dn' t r eal i z e y ou wer e s t i l l s o bor ed wi t h s mal l - t own l i f e, " he s ai d
c onv er s at i onal l y , and I k new he was t r y i ng t o di s t r ac t me. " I t s eemed
l i k e y ou wer e adj us t i ng f ai r l y wel l — es pec i al l y r ec ent l y . May be I was
j us t f l at t er i ng my s el f t hat I was mak i ng l i f e mor e i nt er es t i ng f or y ou. "
" I was n' t bei ng ni c e, " I c onf es s ed, i gnor i ng hi s at t empt at di v er si on,
l ook i ng down at my k nees . " That was t he s ame t hi ng my mom s ai d when s he
l ef t hi m. You c oul d s ay I was hi t t i ng bel ow t he bel t . "
" Don' t wor r y . He' l l f or gi v e y ou. " He s mi l ed a l i t t l e, t hough i t di dn' t
t ouc h hi s ey es .
I s t ar ed at hi m des per at el y , and he s aw t he nak ed pani c i n my ey es.
" Bel l a, i t ' s goi ng t o be al l r i ght . "
" But i t won' t be al l r i ght when I ' m not wi t h y ou, " I whi s per ed.
" We' l l be t oget her agai n i n a f ew day s , " he s ai d, t i ght eni ng hi s ar m
ar ound me. " Don' t f or get t hat t hi s was y our i dea. "
" I t was t he bes t i dea — of c our s e i t was mi ne. "
Hi s ans wer i ng s mi l e was bl eak and di s appear ed i mmedi at el y .
" Why di d t hi s happen?" I as k ed, my v oi c e c at c hi ng. " Why me?"
He s t ar ed bl ac k l y at t he r oad ahead. " I t ' s my f aul t — I was a f ool t o
ex pos e y ou l i k e t hat . " The r age i n hi s v oi c e was di r ec t ed i nt er nal l y .
" That ' s not what I meant , " I i ns i s t ed. " I was t her e, bi g deal . I t di dn' t
bot her t he ot her t wo. Why di d t hi s J ames dec i de t o k i l l met Ther e' r e
peopl e al l ov er t he pl ac e, why me?"
He hes i t at ed, t hi nk i ng bef or e he ans wer ed.
" I got a good l ook at hi s mi nd t oni ght , " he began i n a l ow v oi c e. " I ' m
not s ur e i f t her e' s any t hi ng I c oul d hav e done t o av oi d t hi s , onc e he s aw
y ou. I t i s par t i al l y y our f aul t . " Hi s v oi c e was wr y . " I f y ou di dn' t s mel l
s o appal l i ngl y l us c i ous , he mi ght not hav e bot her ed. But when I def ended
y ou… wel l , t hat made i t a l ot wor s e. He' s not us ed t o bei ng t hwar t ed, no
mat t er how i ns i gni f i c ant t he obj ec t . He t hi nk s of hi ms el f as a hunt er and
not hi ng el s e. Hi s ex i s t enc e i s c ons umed wi t h t r ac k i ng, and a c hal l enge i s
al l he as k s of l i f e. Suddenl y we' v e pr es ent ed hi m wi t h a beaut i f ul
c hal l enge — a l ar ge c l an of s t r ong f i ght er s al l bent on pr ot ec t i ng t he
one v ul ner abl e el ement . You woul dn' t bel i ev e how euphor i c he i s now. I t ' s
hi s f av or i t e game, and we' v e j us t made i t hi s mos t ex c i t i ng game ev er . "
Hi s t one was f ul l of di s gus t .
He paus ed a moment .
" But i f I had s t ood by , he woul d hav e k i l l ed y ou r i ght t hen, " he sai d
wi t h hopel es s f r us t r at i on.
" I t hought … I di dn' t s mel l t he s ame t o t he ot her s … as I do t o y ou, " I
s ai d hes i t ant l y .
" You don' t . But t hat does n' t mean t hat y ou ar en' t s t i l l a t empt at i on t o
ev er y one of t hem. I f y ou had appeal ed t o t he t r ac k er — or any of t hem —
t he s ame way y ou appeal t o me, i t woul d hav e meant a f i ght r i ght t her e. "
I s hudder ed.
" I don' t t hi nk I hav e any c hoi c e but t o k i l l hi m now, " he mut t er ed.
" Car l i s l e won' t l i k e i t . "
I c oul d hear t he t i r es c r os s t he br i dge, t hough I c oul dn' t s ee t he r i v er
i n t he dar k . I k new we wer e get t i ng c l os e. I had t o as k hi m now.
" How c an y ou k i l l a v ampi r e?"
He gl anc ed at me wi t h unr eadabl e ey es and hi s v oi c e was s uddenl y har s h.
" The onl y way t o be s ur e i s t o t ear hi m t o s hr eds , and t hen bur n t he
pi ec es . "
" And t he ot her t wo wi l l f i ght wi t h hi m?"
" The woman wi l l . I ' m not s ur e about Laur ent . They don' t hav e a v er y
s t r ong bond — he' s onl y wi t h t hem f or c onv eni enc e. He was embar r ass ed by
J ames i n t he meadow…"
" But J ames and t he woman — t hey ' l l t r y t o k i l l y ou?" I as k ed, my voi c e
r aw.
" Bel l a, don' t y ou dar e was t e t i me wor r y i ng about me. Your onl y c onc er n i s
k eepi ng y our s el f s af e and — pl ease, pl eas e — t r y i ng not t o be r ec kl es s . "
" I s he s t i l l f ol l owi ng?"
" Yes . He won' t at t ac k t he hous e, t hough. Not t oni ght . "
He t ur ned of f ont o t he i nv i s i bl e dr i v e, wi t h Al i c e f ol l owi ng behi nd.
We dr ov e r i ght up t o t he hous e. The l i ght s i ns i de wer e br i ght , but t hey
di d l i t t l e t o al l ev i at e t he bl ac knes s of t he enc r oac hi ng f or es t . Emmet t
had my door open bef or e t he t r uc k was s t opped; he pul l ed me out of t he
s eat , t uc k ed me l i k e a f oot bal l i nt o hi s v as t c hes t , and r an me t hr ough
t he door .
We bur s t i nt o t he l ar ge whi t e r oom, Edwar d and Al i c e at our s i des . Al l of
t hem wer e t her e; t hey wer e al r eady on t hei r f eet at t he s ound of our
appr oac h. Laur ent s t ood i n t hei r mi ds t . I c oul d hear l ow gr owl s r umbl e
deep i n Emmet t ' s t hr oat as he s et me down nex t t o Edwar d.
" He' s t r ac k i ng us , " Edwar d announc ed, gl ar i ng bal ef ul l y at Laur ent .
Laur ent ' s f ac e was unhappy . " I was af r ai d of t hat . "
Al i c e danc ed t o J as per ' s s i de and whi s per ed i n hi s ear ; her l i ps qui v er ed
wi t h t he s peed of her s i l ent s peec h. They f l ew up t he s t ai r s t oget her .
Ros al i e wat c hed t hem, and t hen mov ed qui c k l y t o Emmet t ' s s i de. Her
beaut i f ul ey es wer e i nt ens e and — when t hey f l i c k er ed unwi l l i ngl y t o my
f ac e — f ur i ous .
" What wi l l he do?" Car l i s l e as k ed Laur ent i n c hi l l i ng t ones .
" I ' m s or r y , " he ans wer ed. " I was af r ai d, when y our boy t her e def ended
her , t hat i t woul d s et hi m of f . "
" Can y ou s t op hi m?"
Laur ent s hook hi s head. " Not hi ng s t ops J ames when he get s s t ar t ed. "
" We' l l s t op hi m, " Emmet t pr omi s ed. Ther e was no doubt what he meant .
" You c an' t br i ng hi m down. I ' v e nev er s een any t hi ng l i k e hi m i n my t hr ee
hundr ed y ear s . He' s abs ol ut el y l et hal . That ' s why I j oi ned hi s c oven. "
Hi s c ov en, I t hought , of c our s e. The s how of l eader s hi p i n t he c l ear i ng
was mer el y t hat , a s how.
Laur ent was s hak i ng hi s head. He gl anc ed at me, per pl ex ed, and back t o
Car l i s l e. " Ar e y ou s ur e i t ' s wor t h i t ?"
Edwar d' s enr aged r oar f i l l ed t he r oom; Laur ent c r i nged bac k .
Car l i s l e l ook ed gr av el y at Laur ent . " I ' m af r ai d y ou' r e goi ng t o hav e t o
mak e a c hoi c e. "
Laur ent under s t ood. He del i ber at ed f or a moment . Hi s ey es t ook i n ev er y
f ac e, and f i nal l y s wept t he br i ght r oom.
" I ' m i nt r i gued by t he l i f e y ou' v e c r eat ed her e. But I won' t get i n t he
mi ddl e of t hi s . I bear none of y ou any enmi t y , but I won' t go up agai ns t
J ames . I t hi nk I wi l l head nor t h — t o t hat c l an i n Denal i . " He hesi t at ed.
" Don' t under es t i mat e J ames . He' s got a br i l l i ant mi nd and unpar al l el ed
s ens es . He' s ev er y bi t as c omf or t abl e i n t he human wor l d as y ou s eem t o
be, and he won' t c ome at y ou head on… I ' m s or r y f or what ' s been unl eas hed
her e. Tr ul y s or r y . " He bowed hi s head, but I s aw hi m f l i c k er anot her
puz z l ed l ook at me.
" Go i n peac e, " was Car l i s l e' s f or mal ans wer .
Laur ent t ook anot her l ong l ook ar ound hi ms el f , and t hen he hur r i ed out
t he door .
The s i l enc e l as t ed l es s t han a s ec ond.
" How c l os e?" Car l i s l e l ook ed t o Edwar d.
Es me was al r eady mov i ng; her hand t ouc hed an i nc ons pi c uous k ey pad on t he
wal l , and wi t h a gr oan, huge met al s hut t er s began s eal i ng up t he gl as s
wal l . I gaped.
" About t hr ee mi l es out pas t t he r i v er ; he' s c i r c l i ng ar ound t o meet up
wi t h t he f emal e. "
" What ' s t he pl an?"
" We' l l l ead hi m of f , and t hen J asper and Al i c e wi l l r un her s out h. "
" And t hen?"
Edwar d' s t one was deadl y . " As s oon as Bel l a i s c l ear , we hunt hi m. "
" I gues s t her e' s no ot her c hoi c e, " Car l i s l e agr eed, hi s f ac e gr i m.
Edwar d t ur ned t o Ros al i e.
" Get her ups t ai r s and t r ade c l ot hes , " Edwar d c ommanded. She s t ar ed bac k
at hi m wi t h l i v i d di s bel i ef .
" Why s houl d I ?" s he hi s s ed. " What i s s he t o me? Ex c ept a menac e — a
danger y ou' v e c hos en t o i nf l i c t on al l of us . "
I f l i nc hed bac k f r om t he v enom i n her v oi c e.
" Ros e…" Emmet t mur mur ed, put t i ng one hand on her s houl der . She s hook i t
of f .
But I was wat c hi ng Edwar d c ar ef ul l y , k nowi ng hi s t emper , wor r i ed about
hi s r eac t i on.
He s ur pr i s ed me. He l ook ed away f r om Ros al i e as i f s he hadn' t s poken, as
i f s he di dn' t ex i s t .
" Es me?" he as k ed c al ml y .
" Of c our s e, " Es me mur mur ed.
Es me was at my s i de i n hal f a hear t beat , s wi ngi ng me up eas i l y i nt o her
ar ms , and das hi ng up t he s t ai r s bef or e I c oul d gas p i n s hoc k .
" What ar e we doi ng?" I as k ed br eat hl es s l y as s he s et me down i n a dar k
r oom s omewher e of f t he s ec ond- s t or y hal l .
" Tr y i ng t o c onf us e t he s mel l . I t won' t wor k f or l ong, but i t mi ght hel p
get y ou out . " I c oul d hear her c l ot hes f al l i ng t o t he f l oor .
" I don' t t hi nk I ' l l f i t …" I hes i t at ed, but her hands wer e abr upt l y
pul l i ng my s hi r t ov er my head. I qui c k l y s t r i pped my j eans of f my sel f .
She handed me s omet hi ng, i t f el t l i k e a s hi r t . I s t r uggl ed t o get my ar ms
t hr ough t he r i ght hol es . As s oon as I was done s he handed me her sl ac k s .
I y ank ed t hem on, but I c oul dn' t get my f eet out ; t hey wer e t oo l ong. She
def t l y r ol l ed t he hems a f ew t i mes s o I c oul d s t and. Somehow s he was
al r eady i n my c l ot hes . She pul l ed me bac k t o t he s t ai r s , wher e Al i c e
s t ood, a s mal l l eat her bag i n one hand. They eac h gr abbed one of my
el bows and hal f - c ar r i ed me as t hey f l ew down t he s t ai r s .
I t appear ed t hat ev er y t hi ng had been s et t l ed downs t ai r s i n our absenc e.
Edwar d and Emmet t wer e r eady t o l eav e, Emmet t c ar r y i ng a heav y - l ook i ng
bac k pac k ov er hi s s houl der . Car l i s l e was handi ng s omet hi ng s mal l t o Es me.
He t ur ned and handed Al i c e t he s ame t hi ng — i t was a t i ny s i l v er cel l
phone.
" Es me and Ros al i e wi l l be t ak i ng y our t r uc k , Bel l a, " he t ol d me as he
pas s ed. I nodded, gl anc i ng war i l y at Ros al i e. She was gl ower i ng at
Car l i s l e wi t h a r es ent f ul ex pr es si on.
" Al i c e, J as per — t ak e t he Mer c edes . You' l l need t he dar k t i nt i n t he
s out h. "
They nodded as wel l .
" We' r e t ak i ng t he J eep. "
I was s ur pr i s ed t o s ee t hat Car l i s l e i nt ended t o go wi t h Edwar d. I
r eal i z ed s uddenl y , wi t h a s t ab of f ear , t hat t hey made up t he hunt i ng
par t y .
" Al i c e, " Car l i s l e as k ed, " wi l l t hey t ak e t he bai t ?"
Ev er y one wat c hed Al i c e as s he c l os ed her ey es and bec ame i nc r edi bl y s t i l l .
Fi nal l y her ey es opened. " He' l l t r ac k y ou. The woman wi l l f ol l ow t he
t r uc k . We s houl d be abl e t o l eav e af t er t hat . " Her v oi c e was c er t ai n.
" Let ' s go. " Car l i s l e began t o wal k t owar d t he k i t c hen.
But Edwar d was at my s i de at onc e. He c aught me up i n hi s i r on gr i p,
c r us hi ng me t o hi m. He s eemed unawar e of hi s wat c hi ng f ami l y as he pul l ed
my f ac e t o hi s , l i f t i ng my f eet of f t he f l oor . For t he s hor t es t s ec ond,
hi s l i ps wer e i c y and har d agai nst mi ne. Then i t was ov er . He s et me
down, s t i l l hol di ng my f ac e, hi s gl or i ous ey es bur ni ng i nt o mi ne.
Hi s ey es went bl ank , c ur i ous l y dead, as he t ur ned away .
And t hey wer e gone.
We s t ood t her e, t he ot her s l ook i ng away f r om me as t he t ear s s t r eak ed
noi s el es s l y down my f ac e.
The s i l ent moment dr agged on, and t hen Es me' s phone v i br at ed i n her hand.
I t f l as hed t o her ear .
" Now, " s he s ai d. Ros al i e s t al k ed out t he f r ont door wi t hout anot her
gl anc e i n my di r ec t i on, but Es me t ouc hed my c heek as s he pas s ed.
" Be s af e. " Her whi s per l i nger ed behi nd t hem as t hey s l i pped out t he door .
I hear d my t r uc k s t ar t t hunder ousl y , and t hen f ade away .
J as per and Al i c e wai t ed. Al i c e' s phone s eemed t o be at her ear bef or e i t
buz z ed.
" Edwar d s ay s t he woman i s on Es me' s t r ai l . I ' l l get t he c ar . " She
v ani s hed i nt o t he s hadows t he way Edwar d had gone.
J as per and I l ook ed at eac h ot her . He s t ood ac r os s t he l engt h of t he
ent r y way f r om me… bei ng c ar ef ul .
" You' r e wr ong, y ou k now, " he s ai d qui et l y .
" What ?" I gas ped.
" I c an f eel what y ou' r e f eel i ng now — and y ou ar e wor t h i t . "
" I ' m not , " I mumbl ed. " I f any t hi ng happens t o t hem, i t wi l l be f or
not hi ng. "
" You' r e wr ong, " he r epeat ed, s mi l i ng k i ndl y at me.
I hear d not hi ng, but t hen Al i c e st epped t hr ough t he f r ont door and c ame
t owar d me wi t h her ar ms hel d out .
" May I ?" s he as k ed.
" You' r e t he f i r s t one t o as k per mi s s i on. " I s mi l ed wr y l y .
She l i f t ed me i n her s l ender ar ms as eas i l y as Emmet t had, s hi el di ng me
pr ot ec t i v el y , and t hen we f l ew out t he door , l eav i ng t he l i ght s br i ght
behi nd us .
===========================================================================

20. I MPATI ENCE

When I wok e up I was c onf us ed. My t hought s wer e haz y , s t i l l t wi s t ed up i n
dr eams and ni ght mar es ; i t t ook me l onger t han i t s houl d hav e t o r eal i z e
wher e I was .
Thi s r oom was t oo bl and t o bel ong any wher e but i n a hot el . The beds i de
l amps , bol t ed t o t he t abl es , wer e a dead gi v eaway , as wer e t he l ong
dr apes made f r om t he s ame f abr i c as t he beds pr ead, and t he gener i c
wat er c ol or pr i nt s on t he wal l s .
I t r i ed t o r emember how I got her e, but not hi ng c ame at f i r s t .
I di d r emember t he s l eek bl ac k c ar , t he gl as s i n t he wi ndows dar k er t han
t hat on a l i mous i ne. The engi ne was al mos t s i l ent , t hough we' d r aced
ac r os s t he bl ac k f r eeway s at mor e t han t wi c e t he l egal s peed.
And I r emember ed Al i c e s i t t i ng wi t h me on t he dar k l eat her bac k s eat .
Somehow, dur i ng t he l ong ni ght , my head had ended up agai ns t her gr ani t e
nec k . My c l os enes s di dn' t s eem t o bot her her at al l , and her c ool , har d
s k i n was oddl y c omf or t i ng t o me. The f r ont of her t hi n c ot t on s hi r t was
c ol d, damp wi t h t he t ear s t hat s t r eamed f r om my ey es unt i l , r ed and s or e,
t hey r an dr y .
Sl eep had ev aded me; my ac hi ng eyes s t r ai ned open ev en t hough t he ni ght
f i nal l y ended and dawn br ok e ov er a l ow peak s omewher e i n Cal i f or ni a. The
gr ay l i ght , s t r eak i ng ac r os s t he c l oudl es s s k y , s t ung my ey es . But I
c oul dn' t c l os e t hem; when I di d, t he i mages t hat f l as hed al l t oo vi v i dl y ,
l i k e s t i l l s l i des behi nd my l i ds , wer e unbear abl e. Char l i e' s br ok en
ex pr es s i on — Edwar d' s br ut al s nar l , t eet h bar ed — Ros al i e' s r es ent f ul
gl ar e — t he k een- ey ed s c r ut i ny of t he t r ac k er — t he dead l ook i n Edwar d' s
ey es af t er he k i s s ed me t he l as t t i me… I c oul dn' t s t and t o s ee t hem. So I
f ought agai ns t my wear i nes s and t he s un r os e hi gher .
I was s t i l l awak e when we c ame t hr ough a s hal l ow mount ai n pas s and t he
s un, behi nd us now, r ef l ec t ed of f t he t i l ed r oof t ops of t he Val l ey of t he
Sun. I di dn' t hav e enough emot i on l ef t t o be s ur pr i s ed t hat we' d made a
t hr ee- day j our ney i n one. I s t ar ed bl ank l y at t he wi de, f l at ex pans e l ai d
out i n f r ont of me. Phoeni x — t he pal m t r ees , t he s c r ubby c r eos ot e, t he
haphaz ar d l i nes of t he i nt er s ec t i ng f r eeway s , t he gr een s wat hs of gol f
c our s es and t ur quoi s e s pl ot c hes of s wi mmi ng pool s , al l s ubmer ged i n a
t hi n s mog and embr ac ed by t he s hor t , r oc k y r i dges t hat wer en' t r eal l y bi g
enough t o be c al l ed mount ai ns .
The s hadows of t he pal m t r ees s l ant ed ac r os s t he f r eeway — def i ned,
s har per t han I r emember ed, pal er t han t hey s houl d be. Not hi ng c oul d hi de
i n t hes e s hadows . The br i ght , open f r eeway s eemed beni gn enough. But I
f el t no r el i ef , no s ens e of homecomi ng.
" Whi c h way t o t he ai r por t , Bel l a?" J as per had as k ed, and I f l i nc hed,
t hough hi s v oi c e was qui t e s of t and un- al ar mi ng. I t was t he f i r s t s ound,
bes i des t he pur r of t he c ar , t o br eak t he l ong ni ght ' s s i l enc e.
" St ay on t he I - t en, " I ' d ans wer ed aut omat i c al l y . " We' l l pas s r i ght by i t . "
My br ai n had wor k ed s l owl y t hr ough t he f og of s l eep depr i v at i on.
" Ar e we f l y i ng s omewher e?" I ' d ask ed Al i c e.
" No, but i t ' s bet t er t o be c l os e, j us t i n c as e. "
I r emember ed begi nni ng t he l oop ar ound Sk y Har bor I nt er nat i onal … but not
endi ng i t . I s uppos e t hat mus t hav e been when I ' d f al l en as l eep.
Though, now t hat I ' d c has ed t he memor i es down, I di d hav e a v ague
i mpr es s i on of l eav i ng t he c ar — t he s un was j us t f al l i ng behi nd t he
hor i z on — my ar m dr aped ov er Al i ce' s s houl der and her ar m f i r m ar ound my
wai s t , dr aggi ng me al ong as I s t umbl ed t hr ough t he war m, dr y s hadows .
I had no memor y of t hi s r oom.
I l ook ed at t he di gi t al c l oc k on t he ni ght s t and. The r ed number s cl ai med
i t was t hr ee o' c l oc k , but t hey gav e no i ndi c at i on i f i t was ni ght or day .
No edge of l i ght es c aped t he t hi ck c ur t ai ns , but t he r oom was br i ght wi t h
t he l i ght f r om t he l amps .
I r os e s t i f f l y and s t agger ed t o t he wi ndow, pul l i ng bac k t he dr apes .
I t was dar k out s i de. Thr ee i n t he mor ni ng, t hen. My r oom l ook ed out on a
des er t ed s ec t i on of t he f r eeway and t he new l ong- t er m par k i ng gar age f or
t he ai r por t . I t was s l i ght l y c omf or t i ng t o be abl e t o pi npoi nt t i me and
pl ac e.
I l ook ed down at my s el f . I was s t i l l wear i ng Es me' s c l ot hes , and t hey
di dn' t f i t v er y wel l at al l . I l ook ed ar ound t he r oom, gl ad when I
di s c ov er ed my duf f el bag on t op of t he l ow dr es s er .
I was on my way t o f i nd new c l ot hes when a l i ght t ap on t he door made me
j ump.
" Can I c ome i n?" Al i c e as k ed.
I t ook a deep br eat h. " Sur e. "
She wal k ed i n, and l ook ed me ov er c aut i ous l y . " You l ook l i k e y ou coul d
s l eep l onger , " s he s ai d.
I j us t s hook my head.
She dr i f t ed s i l ent l y t o t he c ur t ai ns and c l os ed t hem s ec ur el y bef or e
t ur ni ng bac k t o me.
" We' l l need t o s t ay i ns i de, " s he t ol d me.
" Ok ay . " My v oi c e was hoar s e; i t cr ac k ed.
" Thi r s t y ?" s he as k ed.
I s hr ugged. " I ' m ok ay . How about y ou?"
" Not hi ng unmanageabl e. " She s mi l ed. " I or der ed s ome f ood f or y ou, i t ' s i n
t he f r ont r oom. Edwar d r emi nded me t hat y ou hav e t o eat a l ot mor e
f r equent l y t han we do. "
I was i ns t ant l y mor e al er t . " He cal l ed?"
" No, " s he s ai d, and wat c hed as my f ac e f el l . " I t was bef or e we l ef t . "
She t ook my hand c ar ef ul l y and l ed me t hr ough t he door i nt o t he l i v i ng
r oom of t he hot el s ui t e. I c oul d hear a l ow buz z of v oi c es c omi ng f r om
t he TV. J as per s at mot i onl es s l y at t he des k i n t he c or ner , hi s ey es
wat c hi ng t he news wi t h no gl i mmer of i nt er es t .
I s at on t he f l oor nex t t o t he c of f ee t abl e, wher e a t r ay of f ood wai t ed,
and began pi c k i ng at i t wi t hout not i c i ng what I was eat i ng.
Al i c e per c hed on t he ar m of t he sof a and s t ar ed bl ank l y at t he TV l i k e
J as per .
I at e s l owl y , wat c hi ng her , t ur ni ng now and t hen t o gl anc e qui c k l y at
J as per . I t began t o dawn on me t hat t hey wer e t oo s t i l l . They nev er
l ook ed away f r om t he s c r een, t hough c ommer c i al s wer e pl ay i ng now. I
pus hed t he t r ay away , my s t omac h abr upt l y uneas y . Al i c e l ook ed down at me.
" What ' s wr ong, Al i c e?" I as k ed.
" Not hi ng' s wr ong. " Her ey es wer e wi de, hones t … and I di dn' t t r us t t hem.
" What do we do now?"
" We wai t f or Car l i s l e t o c al l . "
" And s houl d he hav e c al l ed by now?" I c oul d s ee t hat I was near t he mar k .
Al i c e' s ey es f l i t t ed f r om mi ne t o t he phone on t op of her l eat her bag and
bac k .
" What does t hat mean?" My v oi c e quav er ed, and I f ought t o c ont r ol i t .
" That he has n' t c al l ed y et ?"
" I t j us t means t hat t hey don' t hav e any t hi ng t o t el l us . "
But her v oi c e was t oo ev en, and t he ai r was har der t o br eat he.
J as per was s uddenl y bes i de Al i c e, c l os er t o me t han us ual .
" Bel l a, " he s ai d i n a s us pi c i ous l y s oot hi ng v oi c e. " You hav e not hi ng t o
wor r y about . You ar e c ompl et el y saf e her e. "
" I k now t hat . "
" Then why ar e y ou f r i ght ened?" he as k ed, c onf us ed. He mi ght f eel t he
t enor of my emot i ons , but he c oul dn' t r ead t he r eas ons behi nd t hem.
" You hear d what Laur ent s ai d. " My v oi c e was j us t a whi s per , but I was
s ur e t hey c oul d hear me. " He s ai d J ames was l et hal . What i f s omet hi ng
goes wr ong, and t hey get s epar at ed? I f s omet hi ng happens t o any of t hem,
Car l i s l e, Emmet t … Edwar d…" I gul ped. " I f t hat wi l d f emal e hur t s Esme…" My
v oi c e had gr own hi gher , a not e of hy s t er i a begi nni ng t o r i s e i n i t . " How
c oul d I l i v e wi t h my s el f when i t ' s my f aul t ? None of y ou s houl d be
r i s k i ng y our s el v es f or me —"
" Bel l a, Bel l a, s t op, " he i nt er r upt ed me, hi s wor ds pour i ng out s o qui c k l y
t hey wer e har d t o under s t and. " You' r e wor r y i ng about al l t he wr ong
t hi ngs , Bel l a. Tr us t me on t hi s — none of us ar e i n j eopar dy . You ar e
under t oo muc h s t r ai n as i t i s ; don' t add t o i t wi t h whol l y unnec es s ar y
wor r i es . Li s t en t o me! " he or der ed, f or I had l ook ed away . " Our f ami l y i s
s t r ong. Our onl y f ear i s l os i ng you. "
" But why s houl d y ou —"
Al i c e i nt er r upt ed t hi s t i me, t ouchi ng my c heek wi t h her c ol d f i nger s .
" I t ' s been al mos t a c ent ur y t hat Edwar d' s been al one. Now he' s f ound y ou.
You c an' t s ee t he c hanges t hat we s ee, we who hav e been wi t h hi m f or s o
l ong. Do y ou t hi nk any of us want t o l ook i nt o hi s ey es f or t he nex t
hundr ed y ear s i f he l os es y ou?"
My gui l t s l owl y s ubs i ded as I l ook ed i nt o her dar k ey es . But , ev en as t he
c al m s pr ead ov er me, I k new I c oul dn' t t r us t my f eel i ngs wi t h J as per
t her e.
I t was a v er y l ong day .
We s t ay ed i n t he r oom. Al i c e c al l ed down t o t he f r ont des k and as ked t hem
t o i gnor e our mai d s er v i c e f or now. The wi ndows s t ay ed s hut , t he TV on,
t hough no one wat c hed i t . At r egul ar i nt er v al s , f ood was del i v er ed f or
me. The s i l v er phone r es t i ng on Al i c e' s bag s eemed t o gr ow bi gger as t he
hour s pas s ed.
My baby s i t t er s handl ed t he s us pens e bet t er t han I di d. As I f i dget ed and
pac ed, t hey s i mpl y gr ew mor e s t i l l , t wo s t at ues whos e ey es f ol l owed me
i mper c ept i bl y as I mov ed. I oc c upi ed my s el f wi t h memor i z i ng t he r oom; t he
s t r i ped pat t er n of t he c ouc hes , t an, peac h, c r eam, dul l gol d, and t an
agai n. Somet i mes I s t ar ed at t he abs t r ac t pr i nt s , r andoml y f i ndi ng
pi c t ur es i n t he s hapes , l i k e I ' d f ound pi c t ur es i n t he c l ouds as a c hi l d.
I t r ac ed a bl ue hand, a woman c ombi ng her hai r , a c at s t r et c hi ng. But
when t he pal e r ed c i r c l e bec ame a s t ar i ng ey e, I l ook ed away .
As t he af t er noon wor e on, I went bac k t o bed, s i mpl y f or s omet hi ng t o do.
I hoped t hat by my s el f i n t he dar k , I c oul d gi v e i n t o t he t er r i bl e f ear s
t hat hov er ed on t he edge of my c ons c i ous nes s , unabl e t o br eak t hr ough
under J as per ' s c ar ef ul s uper v i s i on.
But Al i c e f ol l owed me c as ual l y , as i f by s ome c oi nc i denc e s he had gr own
t i r ed of t he f r ont r oom at t he s ame t i me. I was begi nni ng t o wonder
ex ac t l y what s or t of i ns t r uc t i ons Edwar d had gi v en her . I l ay ac r os s t he
bed, and s he s at , l egs f ol ded, nex t t o me. I i gnor ed her at f i r s t ,
s uddenl y t i r ed enough t o s l eep. But af t er a f ew mi nut es , t he pani c t hat
had hel d of f i n J as per ' s pr es enc e began t o mak e i t s el f k nown. I gav e up
on t he i dea of s l eep qui c k l y t hen, c ur l i ng up i nt o a s mal l bal l , wr appi ng
my ar ms ar ound my l egs .
" Al i c e?" I as k ed.
" Yes ?"
I k ept my v oi c e v er y c al m. " What do y ou t hi nk t hey ' r e doi ng?"
" Car l i s l e want ed t o l ead t he t r ack er as f ar nor t h as pos s i bl e, wai t f or
hi m t o get c l os e, and t hen t ur n and ambus h hi m. Es me and Ros al i e wer e
s uppos ed t o head wes t as l ong as t hey c oul d k eep t he f emal e behi nd t hem.
I f s he t ur ned ar ound, t hey wer e t o head bac k t o For k s and k eep an ey e on
y our dad. So I i magi ne t hi ngs ar e goi ng wel l i f t hey c an' t c al l . I t means
t he t r ac k er i s c l os e enough t hat t hey don' t want hi m t o ov er hear . "
" And Es me?"
" I t hi nk s he mus t be bac k i n For ks . She won' t c al l i f t her e' s any c hanc e
t he f emal e wi l l ov er hear . I ex pect t hey ' r e al l j us t bei ng v er y c ar ef ul . "
" Do y ou t hi nk t hey ' r e s af e, r eal l y ?"
" Bel l a, how many t i mes do we hav e t o t el l y ou t hat t her e' s no danger t o
us ?"
" Woul d y ou t el l me t he t r ut h, t hough?"
" Yes . I wi l l al way s t el l y ou t he t r ut h. " Her v oi c e was ear nes t .
I del i ber at ed f or a moment , and dec i ded s he meant i t .
" Tel l me t hen… how do y ou bec ome a v ampi r e?"
My ques t i on c aught her of f guar d. She was qui et . I r ol l ed ov er t o l ook at
her , and her ex pr es s i on s eemed ambi v al ent .
" Edwar d does n' t want me t o t el l you t hat , " s he s ai d f i r ml y , but I s ens ed
s he di dn' t agr ee.
" That ' s not f ai r . I t hi nk I hav e a r i ght t o k now. "
" I k now. "
I l ook ed at her , wai t i ng.
She s i ghed. " He' l l be ex t r emel y angr y . "
" I t ' s none of hi s bus i nes s . Thi s i s bet ween y ou and me. Al i c e, as a
f r i end, I ' m beggi ng y ou. " And we wer e f r i ends now, s omehow — as s he mus t
hav e k nown we woul d be al l al ong.
She l ook ed at me wi t h her s pl endi d, wi s e ey es … c hoos i ng.
" I ' l l t el l y ou t he mec hani c s of i t , " s he s ai d f i nal l y , " but I don' t
r emember i t my s el f , and I ' v e nev er done i t or s een i t done, s o k eep i n
mi nd t hat I c an onl y t el l y ou t he t heor y . "
I wai t ed.
" As pr edat or s , we hav e a gl ut of weapons i n our phy s i c al ar s enal — muc h,
muc h mor e t han r eal l y nec es s ar y . The s t r engt h, t he s peed, t he ac ut e
s ens es , not t o ment i on t hos e of us l i k e Edwar d, J as per , and I , who hav e
ex t r a s ens es as wel l . And t hen, l i k e a c ar ni v or ous f l ower , we ar e
phy s i c al l y at t r ac t i v e t o our pr ey. "
I was v er y s t i l l , r emember i ng how poi nt edl y Edwar d had demons t r at ed t he
s ame c onc ept f or me i n t he meadow.
She s mi l ed a wi de, omi nous s mi l e. " We hav e anot her f ai r l y s uper f l uous
weapon. We' r e al s o v enomous , " s he s ai d, her t eet h gl i s t eni ng. " The v enom
does n' t k i l l — i t ' s mer el y i nc apac i t at i ng. I t wor k s s l owl y , s pr eadi ng
t hr ough t he bl oods t r eam, s o t hat , onc e bi t t en, our pr ey i s i n t oo muc h
phy s i c al pai n t o es c ape us . Mos t l y s uper f l uous , as I s ai d. I f we' r e t hat
c l os e, t he pr ey does n' t es c ape. Of c our s e, t her e ar e al way s ex c ept i ons .
Car l i s l e, f or ex ampl e. "
" So… i f t he v enom i s l ef t t o s pr ead…" I mur mur ed.
" I t t ak es a f ew day s f or t he t r ans f or mat i on t o be c ompl et e, dependi ng on
how muc h v enom i s i n t he bl oods t r eam, how c l os e t he v enom ent er s t o t he
hear t . As l ong as t he hear t k eeps beat i ng, t he poi s on s pr eads , heal i ng,
c hangi ng t he body as i t mov es t hr ough i t . Ev ent ual l y t he hear t s t ops , and
t he c onv er s i on i s f i ni s hed. But al l t hat t i me, ev er y mi nut e of i t , a
v i c t i m woul d be wi s hi ng f or deat h. "
I s hi v er ed.
" I t ' s not pl eas ant , y ou s ee. "
" Edwar d s ai d t hat i t was v er y har d t o do… I don' t qui t e under s t and, " I
s ai d.
" We' r e al s o l i k e s har k s i n a way . Onc e we t as t e t he bl ood, or ev en s mel l
i t f or t hat mat t er , i t bec omes v er y har d t o k eep f r om f eedi ng. Somet i mes
i mpos s i bl e. So y ou s ee, t o ac t ual l y bi t e s omeone, t o t as t e t he bl ood, i t
woul d begi n t he f r enz y . I t ' s di f f i c ul t on bot h s i des — t he bl ood- l us t on
t he one hand, t he awf ul pai n on t he ot her . "
" Why do y ou t hi nk y ou don' t r emember ?"
" I don' t k now. For ev er y one el s e, t he pai n of t r ans f or mat i on i s t he
s har pes t memor y t hey hav e of t hei r human l i f e. I r emember not hi ng of
bei ng human. " Her v oi c e was wi s t f ul .
We l ay s i l ent l y , wr apped i n our i ndi v i dual medi t at i ons .
The s ec onds t i c k ed by , and I had al mos t f or got t en her pr es enc e, I was s o
env el oped i n my t hought s .
Then, wi t hout any war ni ng, Al i c e l eaped f r om t he bed, l andi ng l i ght l y on
her f eet . My head j er k ed up as I s t ar ed at her , s t ar t l ed.
" Somet hi ng' s c hanged. " Her v oi c e was ur gent , and s he was n' t t al k i ng t o me
any mor e.
She r eac hed t he door at t he s ame t i me J as per di d. He had obv i ous l y hear d
our c onv er s at i on and her s udden ex c l amat i on. He put hi s hands on her
s houl der s and gui ded her bac k t o t he bed, s i t t i ng her on t he edge.
" What do y ou s ee?" he as k ed i nt ent l y , s t ar i ng i nt o her ey es . Her ey es
wer e f oc us ed on s omet hi ng v er y f ar away . I s at c l os e t o her , l eani ng i n
t o c at c h her l ow, qui c k v oi c e.
" I s ee a r oom. I t ' s l ong, and t her e ar e mi r r or s ev er y wher e. The f l oor i s
wooden. He' s i n t he r oom, and he' s wai t i ng. Ther e' s gol d… a gol d st r i pe
ac r os s t he mi r r or s . "
" Wher e i s t he r oom?"
" I don' t k now. Somet hi ng i s mi s s i ng — anot her dec i s i on has n' t been made
y et . "
" How muc h t i me?"
" I t ' s s oon. He' l l be i n t he mi r r or r oom t oday , or may be t omor r ow. I t al l
depends . He' s wai t i ng f or s omet hi ng. And he' s i n t he dar k now. "
J as per ' s v oi c e was c al m, met hodi cal , as he ques t i oned her i n a pr ac t i c ed
way . " What i s he doi ng?"
" He' s wat c hi ng TV… no, he' s r unni ng a VCR, i n t he dar k , i n anot her pl ac e. "
" Can y ou s ee wher e he i s ?"
" No, i t ' s t oo dar k . "
" And t he mi r r or r oom, what el s e i s t her e?"
" J us t t he mi r r or s , and t he gol d. I t ' s a band, ar ound t he r oom. And
t her e' s a bl ac k t abl e wi t h a bi g s t er eo, and a TV. He' s t ouc hi ng t he VCR
t her e, but he does n' t wat c h t he way he does i n t he dar k r oom. Thi s i s t he
r oom wher e he wai t s . " Her ey es dr i f t ed, t hen f oc us ed on J as per ' s f ac e.
" Ther e' s not hi ng el s e?"
She s hook her head. They l ook ed at eac h ot her , mot i onl es s .
" What does i t mean?" I as k ed.
Nei t her of t hem ans wer ed f or a moment , t hen J as per l ook ed at me.
" I t means t he t r ac k er ' s pl ans have c hanged. He' s made a dec i s i on t hat
wi l l l ead hi m t o t he mi r r or r oom, and t he dar k r oom. "
" But we don' t k now wher e t hos e r ooms ar e?"
" No. "
" But we do k now t hat he won' t be i n t he mount ai ns nor t h of Was hi ngt on,
bei ng hunt ed. He' l l el ude t hem. " Al i c e' s v oi c e was bl eak .
" Shoul d we c al l ?" I as k ed. They t r aded a s er i ous l ook , undec i ded.
And t he phone r ang.
Al i c e was ac r os s t he r oom bef or e I c oul d l i f t my head t o l ook at i t .
She pus hed a but t on and hel d t he phone t o her ear , but s he di dn' t s peak
f i r st .
" Car l i s l e, " s he br eat hed. She di dn' t s eem s ur pr i s ed or r el i ev ed, t he way
I f el t .
" Yes , " s he s ai d, gl anc i ng at me. She l i s t ened f or a l ong moment .
" I j us t s aw hi m. " She des c r i bed agai n t he v i s i on s he' d s een. " What ev er
made hi m get on t hat pl ane… i t was l eadi ng hi m t o t hos e r ooms . " She
paus ed. " Yes , " Al i c e s ai d i nt o t he phone, and t hen s he s pok e t o me.
" Bel l a?"
She hel d t he phone out t owar d me. I r an t o i t .
" Hel l o?" I br eat hed.
" Bel l a, " Edwar d s ai d.
" Oh, Edwar d! I was s o wor r i ed. "
" Bel l a, " he s i ghed i n f r us t r at i on, " I t ol d y ou not t o wor r y about
any t hi ng but y our s el f . " I t was s o unbel i ev abl y good t o hear hi s v oi c e. I
f el t t he hov er i ng c l oud of des pai r l i ght en and dr i f t bac k as he s pok e.
" Wher e ar e y ou?"
" We' r e out s i de of Vanc ouv er . Bel l a, I ' m s or r y — we l os t hi m. He s eems
s us pi c i ous of us — he' s c ar ef ul t o s t ay j us t f ar enough away t hat I c an' t
hear what he' s t hi nk i ng. But he' s gone now — i t l ook s l i k e he got on a
pl ane. We t hi nk he' s headi ng bac k t o For k s t o s t ar t ov er . " I c oul d hear
Al i c e f i l l i ng i n J as per behi nd me, her qui c k wor ds bl ur r i ng t oget her i nt o
a hummi ng noi s e.
" I k now. Al i c e s aw t hat he got away . "
" You don' t hav e t o wor r y , t hough. He won' t f i nd any t hi ng t o l ead hi m t o
y ou. You j us t hav e t o s t ay t her e and wai t t i l l we f i nd hi m agai n. "
" I ' l l be f i ne. I s Es me wi t h Char l i e?"
" Yes — t he f emal e has been i n t own. She went t o t he hous e, but whi l e
Char l i e was at wor k . She has n' t gone near hi m, s o don' t be af r ai d. He' s
s af e wi t h Es me and Ros al i e wat c hi ng. "
" What i s s he doi ng?"
" Pr obabl y t r y i ng t o pi c k up t he t r ai l . She' s been al l t hr ough t he t own
dur i ng t he ni ght . Ros al i e t r ac ed her t hr ough t he ai r por t , al l t he r oads
ar ound t own, t he s c hool … s he' s di ggi ng, Bel l a, but t her e' s not hi ng t o
f i nd. "
" And y ou' r e s ur e Char l i e' s s af e?"
" Yes , Es me won' t l et hi m out of her s i ght . And we' l l be t her e s oon. I f
t he t r ac k er get s any wher e near For k s , we' l l hav e hi m. "
" I mi s s y ou, " I whi s per ed.
" I k now, Bel l a. Bel i ev e me, I k now. I t ' s l i k e y ou' v e t ak en hal f my s el f
away wi t h y ou. "
" Come and get i t , t hen, " I c hal l enged.
" Soon, as s oon as I pos s i bl y c an. I wi l l mak e y ou s af e f i r s t . " Hi s v oi c e
was har d.
" I l ov e y ou, " I r emi nded hi m.
" Coul d y ou bel i ev e t hat , des pi t e ev er y t hi ng I ' v e put y ou t hr ough, I l ov e
y ou, t oo?"
" Yes , I c an, ac t ual l y . "
" I ' l l c ome f or y ou s oon. "
" I ' l l be wai t i ng. "
As s oon as t he phone went dead, t he c l oud of depr es s i on began t o cr eep
ov er me agai n.
I t ur ned t o gi v e t he phone bac k t o Al i c e and f ound her and J as per bent
ov er t he t abl e, wher e Al i c e was sk et c hi ng on a pi ec e of hot el s t at i oner y .
I l eaned on t he bac k of t he c ouc h, l ook i ng ov er her s houl der .
She dr ew a r oom: l ong, r ec t angul ar , wi t h a t hi nner , s quar e s ec t i on at t he
bac k . The wooden pl ank s t hat made up t he f l oor s t r et c hed l engt hwi se
ac r os s t he r oom. Down t he wal l s wer e l i nes denot i ng t he br eak s i n t he
mi r r or s . And t hen, wr appi ng ar ound t he wal l s , wai s t hi gh, a l ong band.
The band Al i c e s ai d was gol d.
" I t ' s a bal l et s t udi o, " I s ai d, suddenl y r ec ogni z i ng t he f ami l i ar s hapes .
They l ook ed at me, s ur pr i s ed.
" Do y ou k now t hi s r oom?" J as per ' s v oi c e s ounded c al m, but t her e was an
under c ur r ent of s omet hi ng I c oul dn' t i dent i f y . Al i c e bent her head t o her
wor k , her hand f l y i ng ac r os s t he page now, t he s hape of an emer genc y ex i t
t ak i ng s hape agai ns t t he bac k wal l , t he s t er eo and TV on a l ow t abl e by
t he f r ont r i ght c or ner .
" I t l ook s l i k e a pl ac e I us ed t o go f or danc e l es s ons — when I was ei ght
or ni ne. I t was s haped j us t t he same. " I t ouc hed t he page wher e t he
s quar e s ec t i on j ut t ed out , nar r owi ng t he bac k par t of t he r oom. " That ' s
wher e t he bat hr ooms wer e — t he door s wer e t hr ough t he ot her danc e f l oor .
But t he s t er eo was her e" — I poi nt ed t o t he l ef t c or ner — " i t was ol der ,
and t her e was n' t a TV. Ther e was a wi ndow i n t he wai t i ng r oom — y ou woul d
s ee t he r oom f r om t hi s per s pec t i ve i f y ou l ook ed t hr ough i t . "
Al i c e and J as per wer e s t ar i ng at me.
" Ar e y ou s ur e i t ' s t he s ame r oom?" J as per as k ed, s t i l l c al m.
" No, not at al l — I s uppos e mos t danc e s t udi os woul d l ook t he s ame — t he
mi r r or s , t he bar . " I t r ac ed my f i nger al ong t he bal l et bar s et agai ns t
t he mi r r or s . " I t ' s j us t t he s hape t hat l ook ed f ami l i ar . " I t ouc hed t he
door , s et i n ex ac t l y t he s ame pl ac e as t he one I r emember ed.
" Woul d y ou hav e any r eas on t o go t her e now?" Al i c e as k ed, br eak i ng my
r ev er i e.
" No, I hav en' t been t her e i n al mos t t en y ear s . I was a t er r i bl e danc er —
t hey al way s put me i n t he bac k f or r ec i t al s , " I admi t t ed.
" So t her e' s no way i t c oul d be c onnec t ed wi t h y ou?" Al i c e as k ed i nt ent l y .
" No, I don' t ev en t hi nk t he s ame per s on owns i t . I ' m s ur e i t ' s j ust
anot her danc e s t udi o, s omewher e. "
" Wher e was t he s t udi o y ou went t o?" J as per as k ed i n a c as ual v oi c e.
" I t was j us t ar ound t he c or ner f r om my mom' s hous e. I us ed t o wal k t her e
af t er s c hool …" I s ai d, my v oi c e t r ai l i ng of f . I di dn' t mi s s t he l ook t hey
ex c hanged.
" Her e i n Phoeni x , t hen?" Hi s v oi ce was s t i l l c as ual .
" Yes , " I whi s per ed. " Fi f t y - ei ght h St r eet and Cac t us . "
We al l s at i n s i l enc e, s t ar i ng at t he dr awi ng.
" Al i c e, i s t hat phone s af e?"
" Yes , " s he r eas s ur ed me. " The number woul d j us t t r ac e bac k t o Was hi ngt on. "
" Then I c an us e i t t o c al l my mom. "
" I t hought s he was i n Fl or i da. "
" She i s — but s he' s c omi ng home soon, and s he c an' t c ome bac k t o t hat
hous e whi l e…" My v oi c e t r embl ed. I was t hi nk i ng about s omet hi ng Edwar d
had s ai d, about t he r ed- hai r ed f emal e at Char l i e' s hous e, at t he sc hool ,
wher e my r ec or ds woul d be.
" How wi l l y ou r eac h her ?"
" They don' t hav e a per manent number ex c ept at t he hous e — s he' s s uppos ed
t o c hec k her mes s ages r egul ar l y . "
" J as per ?" Al i c e as k ed.
He t hought about i t . " I don' t t hi nk t her e' s any way i t c oul d hur t — be
s ur e y ou don' t s ay wher e y ou ar e, of c our s e. "
I r eac hed eager l y f or t he phone and di al ed t he f ami l i ar number . I t r ang
f our t i mes , and t hen I hear d my mom' s br eez y v oi c e t el l i ng me t o l eav e a
mes s age.
" Mom, " I s ai d af t er t he beep, " i t ' s me. Li s t en, I need y ou t o do
s omet hi ng. I t ' s i mpor t ant . As s oon as y ou get t hi s mes s age, c al l me at
t hi s number . " Al i c e was al r eady at my s i de, wr i t i ng t he number f or me on
t he bot t om of her pi c t ur e. I r ead i t c ar ef ul l y , t wi c e. " Pl eas e don' t go
any wher e unt i l y ou t al k t o me. Don' t wor r y , I ' m ok ay , but I hav e t o t al k
t o y ou r i ght away , no mat t er how l at e y ou get t hi s c al l , al l r i ght ? I
l ov e y ou, Mom. By e. " I c l os ed my ey es and pr ay ed wi t h al l my mi ght t hat
no unf or es een c hange of pl ans woul d br i ng her home bef or e s he got my
mes s age.
I s et t l ed i nt o t he s of a, ni bbl i ng on a pl at e of l ef t ov er f r ui t ,
ant i c i pat i ng a l ong ev eni ng. I t hought about c al l i ng Char l i e, but I
was n' t s ur e i f I s houl d be home by now or not . I c onc ent r at ed on t he
news , wat c hi ng out f or s t or i es about Fl or i da, or about s pr i ng t r ai ni ng —
s t r i k es or hur r i c anes or t er r or i st at t ac k s — any t hi ng t hat mi ght send
t hem home ear l y .
I mmor t al i t y mus t gr ant endl es s pat i enc e. Nei t her J as per nor Al i c e s eemed
t o f eel t he need t o do any t hi ng at al l . For a whi l e, Al i c e s k et c hed t he
v ague out l i ne of t he dar k r oom f r om her v i s i on, as muc h as s he c oul d s ee
i n t he l i ght f r om t he TV. But when s he was done, s he s i mpl y s at , l ook i ng
at t he bl ank wal l s wi t h her t i mel es s ey es . J as per , t oo, s eemed t o hav e no
ur ge t o pac e, or peek t hr ough t he c ur t ai ns , or r un s c r eami ng out t he
door , t he way I di d.
I mus t hav e f al l en as l eep on t he c ouc h, wai t i ng f or t he phone t o r i ng
agai n. The t ouc h of Al i c e' s c ol d hands wok e me br i ef l y as s he c ar r i ed me
t o t he bed, but I was unc ons c i ous agai n bef or e my head hi t t he pi l l ow.
===========================================================================

21. PHONE CALL

I c oul d f eel i t was t oo ear l y agai n when I wok e, and I k new I was get t i ng
t he s c hedul e of my day s and ni ght s s l owl y r ev er s ed. I l ay i n my bed and
l i s t ened t o t he qui et v oi c es of Al i c e and J as per i n t he ot her r oom. That
t hey wer e l oud enough f or me t o hear at al l was s t r ange. I r ol l ed t i l l my
f eet t ouc hed t he f l oor and t hen st agger ed t o t he l i v i ng r oom.
The c l oc k on t he TV s ai d i t was j us t af t er t wo i n t he mor ni ng. Al i c e and
J as per wer e s i t t i ng t oget her on t he s of a, Al i c e s k et c hi ng agai n whi l e
J as per l ook ed ov er her s houl der . They di dn' t l ook up when I ent er ed, t oo
engr os s ed i n Al i c e' s wor k .
I c r ept t o J as per ' s s i de t o peek .
" Di d s he s ee s omet hi ng mor e?" I as k ed hi m qui et l y .
" Yes . Somet hi ng' s br ought hi m back t o t he r oom wi t h t he VCR, but i t ' s
l i ght now. "
I wat c hed as Al i c e dr ew a s quar e r oom wi t h dar k beams ac r os s i t s l ow
c ei l i ng. The wal l s wer e panel ed i n wood, a l i t t l e t oo dar k , out of dat e.
The f l oor had a dar k c ar pet wi t h a pat t er n i n i t . Ther e was a l ar ge
wi ndow agai ns t t he s out h wal l , and an openi ng t hr ough t he wes t wal l l ed
t o t he l i v i ng r oom. One s i de of t hat ent r anc e was s t one — a l ar ge t an
s t one f i r epl ac e t hat was open t o bot h r ooms . The f oc us of t he r oom f r om
t hi s per s pec t i v e, t he TV and VCR, bal anc ed on a t oo- s mal l wooden st and,
wer e i n t he s out hwes t c or ner of t he r oom. An aged s ec t i onal s of a cur v ed
ar ound i n f r ont of t he TV, a r ound c of f ee t abl e i n f r ont of i t .
" The phone goes t her e, " I whi s per ed, poi nt i ng.
Two pai r s of et er nal ey es s t ar ed at me.
" That ' s my mot her ' s hous e. "
Al i c e was al r eady of f t he c ouc h, phone i n hand, di al i ng. I s t ar ed at t he
pr ec i s e r ender i ng of my mot her ' s f ami l y r oom. Unc har ac t er i s t i c al l y,
J as per s l i d c l os er t o me. He l i ght l y t ouc hed hi s hand t o my s houl der , and
t he phy s i c al c ont ac t s eemed t o mak e hi s c al mi ng i nf l uenc e s t r onger . The
pani c s t ay ed dul l , unf oc us ed.
Al i c e' s l i ps wer e t r embl i ng wi t h t he s peed of her wor ds , t he l ow buz z i ng
i mpos s i bl e t o dec i pher . I c oul dn' t c onc ent r at e.
" Bel l a, " Al i c e s ai d. I l ook ed at her numbl y .
" Bel l a, Edwar d i s c omi ng t o get you. He and Emmet t and Car l i s l e ar e goi ng
t o t ak e y ou s omewher e, t o hi de y ou f or a whi l e. "
" Edwar d i s c omi ng?" The wor ds wer e l i k e a l i f e v es t , hol di ng my head
abov e t he f l ood.
" Yes , he' s c at c hi ng t he f i r s t f l i ght out of Seat t l e. We' l l meet hi m at
t he ai r por t , and y ou' l l l eav e wi t h hi m. "
" But , my mot her … he c ame her e f or my mot her , Al i c e! " Des pi t e J as per , t he
hy s t er i a bubbl ed up i n my v oi c e.
" J as per and I wi l l s t ay t i l l s he' s s af e. "
" I c an' t wi n, Al i c e. You c an' t guar d ev er y one I k now f or ev er . Don' t y ou
s ee what he' s doi ng? He' s not t r ac k i ng me at al l . He' l l f i nd s omeone,
he' l l hur t s omeone I l ov e… Al i c e, I c an' t —"
" We' l l c at c h hi m, Bel l a, " s he as sur ed me.
" And what i f y ou get hur t , Al i c e? Do y ou t hi nk t hat ' s ok ay wi t h me? Do
y ou t hi nk i t ' s onl y my human f ami l y he c an hur t me wi t h?"
Al i c e l ook ed meani ngf ul l y at J as per . A deep, heav y f og of l et har gy was hed
ov er me, and my ey es c l os ed wi t hout my per mi s s i on. My mi nd s t r uggl ed
agai ns t t he f og, r eal i z i ng what was happeni ng. I f or c ed my ey es open and
s t ood up, s t eppi ng away f r om J as per ' s hand.
" I don' t want t o go bac k t o s l eep, " I s napped.
I wal k ed t o my r oom and s hut t he door , s l ammed i t r eal l y , s o I c oul d be
f r ee t o go t o pi ec es pr i v at el y . Thi s t i me Al i c e di dn' t f ol l ow me. For
t hr ee and a hal f hour s I s t ar ed at t he wal l , c ur l ed i n a bal l , r ock i ng.
My mi nd went ar ound i n c i r c l es , t r y i ng t o c ome up wi t h s ome way out of
t hi s ni ght mar e. Ther e was no es c ape, no r epr i ev e. I c oul d s ee onl y one
pos s i bl e end l oomi ng dar k l y i n my f ut ur e. The onl y ques t i on was how many
ot her peopl e woul d be hur t bef or e I r eac hed i t .
The onl y s ol ac e, t he onl y hope I had l ef t , was k nowi ng t hat I woul d s ee
Edwar d s oon. May be, i f I c oul d j us t s ee hi s f ac e agai n, I woul d al s o be
abl e t o s ee t he s ol ut i on t hat el uded me now.
When t he phone r ang, I r et ur ned t o t he f r ont r oom, a l i t t l e as hamed of my
behav i or . I hoped I hadn' t of f ended ei t her of t hem, t hat t hey woul d k now
how gr at ef ul I was f or t he s ac r i f i c es t hey wer e mak i ng on my ac c ount .
Al i c e was t al k i ng as r api dl y as ev er , but what c aught my at t ent i on was
t hat , f or t he f i r s t t i me, J as per was not i n t he r oom. I l ook ed at t he
c l oc k — i t was f i v e- t hi r t y i n t he mor ni ng.
" They ' r e j us t boar di ng t hei r pl ane, " Al i c e t ol d me. " They ' l l l and at
ni ne- f or t y - f i v e. " J us t a f ew mor e hour s t o k eep br eat hi ng t i l l he was
her e.
" Wher e' s J as per ?"
" He went t o c hec k out . "
" You ar en' t s t ay i ng her e?"
" No, we' r e r el oc at i ng c l os er t o your mot her ' s hous e. "
My s t omac h t wi s t ed uneas i l y at her wor ds .
But t he phone r ang agai n, di s t r act i ng me. She l ook ed s ur pr i s ed, but I was
al r eady wal k i ng f or war d, r eac hi ng hopef ul l y f or t he phone.
" Hel l o?" Al i c e as k ed. " No, s he' s r i ght her e. " She hel d t he phone out t o
me. Your mot her , s he mout hed.
" Hel l o?"
" Bel l a? Bel l a?" I t was my mot her ' s v oi c e, i n a f ami l i ar t one I had hear d
a t hous and t i mes i n my c hi l dhood, any t i me I ' d got t en t oo c l os e t o t he
edge of t he s i dewal k or s t r ay ed out of her s i ght i n a c r owded pl ace. I t
was t he s ound of pani c .
I s i ghed. I ' d been ex pec t i ng t hi s, t hough I ' d t r i ed t o mak e my mess age as
unal ar mi ng as pos s i bl e wi t hout l es s eni ng t he ur genc y of i t .
" Cal m down, Mom, " I s ai d i n my mos t s oot hi ng v oi c e, wal k i ng s l owl y away
f r om Al i c e. I was n' t s ur e i f I c oul d l i e as c onv i nc i ngl y wi t h her ey es on
me. " Ev er y t hi ng i s f i ne, ok ay ? J us t gi v e me a mi nut e and I ' l l ex pl ai n
ev er y t hi ng, I pr omi s e. "
I paus ed, s ur pr i s ed t hat s he hadn' t i nt er r upt ed me y et .
" Mom?"
" Be v er y c ar ef ul not t o s ay any t hi ng unt i l I t el l y ou t o. " The v oi c e I
hear d now was as unf ami l i ar as i t was unex pec t ed. I t was a man' s t enor
v oi c e, a v er y pl eas ant , gener i c voi c e — t he k i nd of v oi c e t hat y ou hear d
i n t he bac k gr ound of l ux ur y c ar commer c i al s . He s pok e v er y qui c k l y.
" Now, I don' t need t o hur t y our mot her , s o pl eas e do ex ac t l y as I s ay ,
and s he' l l be f i ne. " He paus ed f or a mi nut e whi l e I l i s t ened i n mut e
hor r or . " That ' s v er y good, " he c ongr at ul at ed. " Now r epeat af t er me, and
do t r y t o s ound nat ur al . Pl eas e say , ' No, Mom, s t ay wher e y ou ar e. ' "
" No, Mom, s t ay wher e y ou ar e. " My v oi c e was bar el y mor e t han a whi s per .
" I c an s ee t hi s i s goi ng t o be di f f i c ul t . " The v oi c e was amus ed, st i l l
l i ght and f r i endl y . " Why don' t y ou wal k i nt o anot her r oom now s o your
f ac e does n' t r ui n ev er y t hi ng? Ther e' s no r eas on f or y our mot her t o
s uf f er . As y ou' r e wal k i ng, pl eas e s ay , ' Mom, pl eas e l i s t en t o me. ' Say i t
now. "
" Mom, pl eas e l i s t en t o me, " my v oi c e pl eaded. I wal k ed v er y s l owl y t o t he
bedr oom, f eel i ng Al i c e' s wor r i ed s t ar e on my bac k . I s hut t he door behi nd
me, t r y i ng t o t hi nk c l ear l y t hr ough t he t er r or t hat gr i pped my br ai n.
" Ther e now, ar e y ou al one? J us t ans wer y es or no. "
" Yes . "
" But t hey c an s t i l l hear y ou, I ' m s ur e. "
" Yes . "
" Al l r i ght , t hen, " t he agr eeabl e v oi c e c ont i nued, " s ay , ' Mom, t r ust me. ' "
" Mom, t r us t me. "
" Thi s wor k ed out r at her bet t er t han I ex pec t ed. I was pr epar ed t o wai t ,
but y our mot her ar r i v ed ahead of s c hedul e. I t ' s eas i er t hi s way , i s n' t
i t ? Les s s us pens e, l es s anx i et y f or y ou. "
I wai t ed.
" Now I want y ou t o l i s t en v er y c ar ef ul l y . I ' m goi ng t o need y ou t o get
away f r om y our f r i ends ; do y ou t hi nk y ou c an do t hat ? Ans wer y es or no. "
" No. "
" I ' m s or r y t o hear t hat . I was hopi ng y ou woul d be a l i t t l e mor e cr eat i v e
t han t hat . Do y ou t hi nk y ou c oul d get away f r om t hem i f y our mot her ' s
l i f e depended on i t ? Ans wer y es or no. "
Somehow, t her e had t o be a way . I r emember ed t hat we wer e goi ng t o t he
ai r por t . Sk y Har bor I nt er nat i onal Ai r por t : c r owded, c onf us i ngl y l ai d out …
" Yes . "
" That ' s bet t er . I ' m s ur e i t won' t be eas y , but i f I get t he s l i ght es t
hi nt t hat y ou hav e any c ompany , wel l , t hat woul d be v er y bad f or your
mot her , " t he f r i endl y v oi c e pr omi s ed. " You mus t k now enough about us by
now t o r eal i z e how qui c k l y I woul d k now i f y ou t r i ed t o br i ng any one
al ong wi t h y ou. And how l i t t l e t i me I woul d need t o deal wi t h y our mot her
i f t hat was t he c as e. Do y ou under s t and? Ans wer y es or no. "
" Yes . " My v oi c e br ok e.
" Ver y good, Bel l a. Now t hi s i s what y ou hav e t o do. I want y ou t o go t o
y our mot her ' s hous e. Nex t t o t he phone t her e wi l l be a number . Cal l i t ,
and I ' l l t el l y ou wher e t o go f r om t her e. " I al r eady k new wher e I woul d
go, and wher e t hi s woul d end. But I woul d f ol l ow hi s i ns t r uc t i ons
ex ac t l y . " Can y ou do t hat ? Ans wer y es or no. "
" Yes . "
" Bef or e noon, pl eas e, Bel l a. I hav en' t got al l day , " he s ai d pol i t el y .
" Wher e' s Phi l ?" I as k ed t er s el y .
" Ah, be c ar ef ul now, Bel l a. Wai t unt i l I as k y ou t o s peak , pl eas e. "
I wai t ed.
"I t ' s i mpor t ant , now, t hat y ou don' t mak e y our f r i ends s us pi c i ous when
y ou go bac k t o t hem. Tel l t hem t hat y our mot her c al l ed, and t hat you
t al k ed her out of c omi ng home f or t he t i me bei ng. Now r epeat af t er me,
' Thank y ou, Mom. ' Say i t now. "
" Thank y ou, Mom. " The t ear s wer e c omi ng. I t r i ed t o f i ght t hem back .
" Say , ' I l ov e y ou, Mom, I ' l l s ee y ou s oon. ' Say i t now. "
" I l ov e y ou, Mom. " My v oi c e was t hi c k . " I ' l l s ee y ou s oon, " I pr omi s ed.
" Goodby e, Bel l a. I l ook f or war d t o s eei ng y ou agai n. " He hung up.
I hel d t he phone t o my ear . My j oi nt s wer e f r oz en wi t h t er r or — I
c oul dn' t unbend my f i nger s t o dr op i t .
I k new I had t o t hi nk , but my head was f i l l ed wi t h t he s ound of my
mot her ' s pani c . Sec onds t i c k ed by whi l e I f ought f or c ont r ol .
Sl owl y , s l owl y , my t hought s s t ar t ed t o br eak pas t t hat br i c k wal l of
pai n. To pl an. For I had no c hoi ces now but one: t o go t o t he mi r r or ed
r oom and di e. I had no guar ant ees, not hi ng t o gi v e t o k eep my mot her
al i v e. I c oul d onl y hope t hat J ames woul d be s at i s f i ed wi t h wi nni ng t he
game, t hat beat i ng Edwar d woul d be enough. Des pai r gr i pped me; t her e was
no way t o bar gai n, not hi ng I c oul d of f er or wi t hhol d t hat c oul d i nf l uenc e
hi m. But I s t i l l had no c hoi c e. I had t o t r y .
I pus hed t he t er r or bac k as wel l as I c oul d. My dec i s i on was made. I t di d
no good t o was t e t i me agoni z i ng ov er t he out c ome. I had t o t hi nk cl ear l y ,
bec aus e Al i c e and J as per wer e wai t i ng f or me, and ev adi ng t hem was
abs ol ut el y es s ent i al , and abs ol ut el y i mpos s i bl e.
I was s uddenl y gr at ef ul t hat J as per was gone. I f he had been her e t o f eel
my angui s h i n t he l as t f i v e mi nut es , how c oul d I hav e k ept t hem f r om
bei ng s us pi c i ous ? I c hok ed bac k t he dr ead, t he anx i et y , t r i ed t o st i f l e
i t . I c oul dn' t af f or d i t now. I di dn' t k now when he woul d r et ur n.
I c onc ent r at ed on my es c ape. I had t o hope t hat my f ami l i ar i t y wi t h t he
ai r por t woul d t ur n t he odds i n my f av or . Somehow, I had t o k eep Al i c e
away …
I k new Al i c e was i n t he ot her r oom wai t i ng f or me, c ur i ous . But I had t o
deal wi t h one mor e t hi ng i n pr i v at e, bef or e J as per was bac k .
I had t o ac c ept t hat I woul dn' t see Edwar d agai n, not ev en one l ast
gl i mps e of hi s f ac e t o c ar r y wi t h me t o t he mi r r or r oom. I was goi ng t o
hur t hi m, and I c oul dn' t s ay goodby e. I l et t he wav es of t or t ur e was h
ov er me, hav e t hei r way f or a t i me. Then I pus hed t hem bac k , t oo, and
went t o f ac e Al i c e.
The onl y ex pr es s i on I c oul d manage was a dul l , dead l ook . I s aw her al ar m
and I di dn' t wai t f or her t o as k . I had j us t one s c r i pt and I ' d nev er
manage i mpr ov i s at i on now.
" My mom was wor r i ed, s he want ed t o c ome home. But i t ' s ok ay , I c onv i nc ed
her t o s t ay away . " My v oi c e was l i f el es s .
" We' l l mak e s ur e s he' s f i ne, Bel l a, don' t wor r y . "
I t ur ned away ; I c oul dn' t l et her s ee my f ac e.
My ey e f el l on a bl ank page of t he hot el s t at i oner y on t he des k . I went
t o i t s l owl y , a pl an f or mi ng. Ther e was an env el ope t her e, t oo. That was
good.
" Al i c e, " I as k ed s l owl y , wi t hout t ur ni ng, k eepi ng my v oi c e l ev el . " I f I
wr i t e a l et t er f or my mot her , woul d y ou gi v e i t t o her ? Leav e i t at t he
hous e, I mean. "
" Sur e, Bel l a. " Her v oi c e was c ar ef ul . She c oul d s ee me c omi ng apar t at
t he s eams . I had t o k eep my emot i ons under bet t er c ont r ol .
I went i nt o t he bedr oom agai n, and k nel t nex t t o t he l i t t l e beds i de t abl e
t o wr i t e.
" Edwar d, " I wr ot e. My hand was s hak i ng, t he l et t er s wer e har dl y l egi bl e.

I l ov e y ou. I am s o s or r y . He has my mom, and I hav e t o t r y . I k now i t

may not wor k . I am s o v er y , v er y s or r y .
Don' t be angr y wi t h Al i c e and J asper . I f I get away f r om t hem i t wi l l be
a mi r ac l e. Tel l t hem t hank y ou f or me. Al i c e es pec i al l y , pl eas e.
And pl eas e, pl eas e, don' t c ome af t er hi m. That ' s what he want s . I t hi nk .
I c an' t bear i t i f any one has t o be hur t bec aus e of me, es pec i al l y y ou.
Pl eas e, t hi s i s t he onl y t hi ng I c an as k y ou now. For me.
I l ov e y ou. For gi v e me.
Bel l a

I f ol ded t he l et t er c ar ef ul l y , and s eal ed i t i n t he env el ope. Ev ent ual l y

he woul d f i nd i t . I onl y hoped he woul d under s t and, and l i s t en t o me j us t
t hi s onc e.
And t hen I c ar ef ul l y s eal ed away my hear t .
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22. HI DE- AND- SEEK

I t had t ak en muc h l es s t i me t han I ' d t hought — al l t he t er r or , t he

des pai r , t he s hat t er i ng of my hear t . The mi nut es wer e t i c k i ng by mor e
s l owl y t han us ual . J as per s t i l l hadn' t c ome bac k when I r et ur ned t o
Al i c e. I was af r ai d t o be i n t he s ame r oom wi t h her , af r ai d t hat she
woul d gues s … and af r ai d t o hi de f r om her f or t he s ame r eas on.
I woul d hav e t hought I was f ar bey ond t he abi l i t y t o be s ur pr i s ed, my
t hought s t or t ur ed and uns t abl e, but I was s ur pr i s ed when I s aw Al i c e bent
ov er t he des k , gr i ppi ng t he edge wi t h t wo hands .
" Al i c e?"
She di dn' t r eac t when I c al l ed her name, but her head was s l owl y r oc k i ng
s i de t o s i de, and I s aw her f ac e. Her ey es wer e bl ank , daz ed… My t hought s
f l ew t o my mot her . Was I al r eady t oo l at e?
I hur r i ed t o her s i de, r eac hi ng out aut omat i c al l y t o t ouc h her hand.
" Al i c e! " J as per ' s v oi c e whi pped, and t hen he was r i ght behi nd her , hi s
hands c ur l i ng ov er her s , l oos eni ng t hem f r om t hei r gr i p on t he t abl e.
Ac r os s t he r oom, t he door s wung shut wi t h a l ow c l i c k .
" What i s i t ?" he demanded.
She t ur ned her f ac e away f r om me, i nt o hi s c hes t . " Bel l a, " s he s ai d.
" I ' m r i ght her e, " I r epl i ed.
Her head t wi s t ed ar ound, her ey es l oc k i ng on mi ne, t hei r ex pr es s i on s t i l l
s t r angel y bl ank . I r eal i z ed at onc e t hat s he hadn' t been s peak i ng t o me,
s he' d been ans wer i ng J as per ' s ques t i on.
" What di d y ou s ee?" I s ai d — and t her e was no ques t i on i n my f l at ,
unc ar i ng v oi c e.
J as per l ook ed at me s har pl y . I k ept my ex pr es s i on v ac ant and wai t ed. Hi s
ey es wer e c onf us ed as t hey f l i c k er ed s wi f t l y bet ween Al i c e' s f ac e and
mi ne, f eel i ng t he c haos … f or I c oul d gues s what Al i c e had s een now.
I f el t a t r anqui l at mos pher e s et t l e ar ound me. I wel c omed i t , us i ng i t t o
k eep my emot i ons di s c i pl i ned, under c ont r ol .
Al i c e, t oo, r ec ov er ed her s el f .
" Not hi ng, r eal l y , " s he ans wer ed f i nal l y , her v oi c e r emar k abl y c al m and
c onv i nc i ng. " J us t t he s ame r oom as bef or e. "
She f i nal l y l ook ed at me, her ex pr es s i on s moot h and wi t hdr awn. " Di d y ou
want br eak f as t ?"
" No, I ' l l eat at t he ai r por t . " I was v er y c al m, t oo. I went t o t he
bat hr oom t o s hower . Al mos t as i f I wer e bor r owi ng J as per ' s s t r ange ex t r a
s ens e, I c oul d f eel Al i c e' s wi l d — t hough wel l - c onc eal ed — des per at i on t o
hav e me out of t he r oom, t o be al one wi t h J as per . So s he c oul d t el l hi m
t hat t hey wer e doi ng s omet hi ng wr ong, t hat t hey wer e goi ng t o f ai l …
I got r eady met hodi c al l y , c onc ent r at i ng on eac h l i t t l e t as k . I l ef t my
hai r down, s wi r l i ng ar ound me, c ov er i ng my f ac e. The peac ef ul mood J as per
c r eat ed wor k ed i t s way t hr ough me and hel ped me t hi nk c l ear l y . Hel ped me
pl an. I dug t hr ough my bag unt i l I f ound my s oc k f ul l of money . I empt i ed
i t i nt o my poc k et .
I was anx i ous t o get t o t he ai r por t , and gl ad when we l ef t by s ev en. I
s at al one t hi s t i me i n t he bac k of t he dar k c ar . Al i c e l eaned agai ns t t he
door , her f ac e t owar d J as per but , behi nd her s ungl as s es , s hoot i ng gl anc es
i n my di r ec t i on ev er y f ew s ec onds.
" Al i c e?" I as k ed i ndi f f er ent l y .
She was war y . " Yes ?"
" How does i t wor k ? The t hi ngs t hat y ou s ee?" I s t ar ed out t he s i de
wi ndow, and my v oi c e s ounded bor ed. " Edwar d s ai d i t was n' t def i ni t e… t hat
t hi ngs c hange?" I t was har der t han I woul d hav e t hought t o s ay hi s name.
That mus t hav e been what al er t ed J as per , why a f r es h wav e of s er eni t y
f i l l ed t he c ar .
" Yes , t hi ngs c hange…" s he mur mur ed — hopef ul l y , I t hought . " Some t hi ngs
ar e mor e c er t ai n t han ot her s … l i ke t he weat her . Peopl e ar e har der . I onl y
s ee t he c our s e t hey ' r e on whi l e t hey ' r e on i t . Onc e t hey c hange t hei r
mi nds — mak e a new dec i s i on, no mat t er how s mal l — t he whol e f ut ur e
s hi f t s . "
I nodded t hought f ul l y . " So y ou c oul dn' t s ee J ames i n Phoeni x unt i l he
dec i ded t o c ome her e. "
" Yes , " s he agr eed, war y agai n.
And s he hadn' t s een me i n t he mi r r or r oom wi t h J ames unt i l I ' d made t he
dec i s i on t o meet hi m t her e. I t r i ed not t o t hi nk about what el s e she
mi ght hav e s een. I di dn' t want my pani c t o mak e J as per mor e s us pi ci ous .
They woul d be wat c hi ng me t wi c e as c ar ef ul l y now, any way , af t er Al i c e' s
v i s i on. Thi s was goi ng t o be i mpos s i bl e.
We got t o t he ai r por t . Luc k was wi t h me, or may be i t was j us t good odds .
Edwar d' s pl ane was l andi ng i n t er mi nal f our , t he l ar ges t t er mi nal , wher e
mos t f l i ght s l anded — s o i t was n' t s ur pr i s i ng t hat hi s was . But i t was
t he t er mi nal I needed: t he bi ggest , t he mos t c onf us i ng. And t her e was a
door on l ev el t hr ee t hat mi ght be t he onl y c hanc e.
We par k ed on t he f our t h f l oor of t he huge gar age. I l ed t he way , f or onc e
mor e k nowl edgeabl e about my s ur r oundi ngs t han t hey wer e. We t ook t he
el ev at or down t o l ev el t hr ee, wher e t he pas s enger s unl oaded. Al i c e and
J as per s pent a l ong t i me l ook i ng at t he depar t i ng f l i ght s boar d. I c oul d
hear t hem di s c us s i ng t he pr os and c ons of New Yor k , At l ant a, Chi c ago.
Pl ac es I ' d nev er s een. And woul d nev er s ee.
I wai t ed f or my oppor t uni t y , i mpat i ent , unabl e t o s t op my t oe f r om
t appi ng. We s at i n t he l ong r ows of c hai r s by t he met al det ec t or s , J as per
and Al i c e pr et endi ng t o peopl e- wat c h but r eal l y wat c hi ng me. Ev er y i nc h I
s hi f t ed i n my s eat was f ol l owed by a qui c k gl anc e out of t he c or ner of
t hei r ey es . I t was hopel es s . Shoul d I r un? Woul d t hey dar e t o s t op me
phy s i c al l y i n t hi s publ i c pl ac e? Or woul d t hey s i mpl y f ol l ow?
I pul l ed t he unmar k ed env el ope out of my poc k et and s et i t on t op of
Al i c e' s bl ac k l eat her bag. She l ook ed at me.
" My l et t er , " I s ai d. She nodded, t uc k i ng i t under t he t op f l ap. He woul d
f i nd i t s oon enough.
The mi nut es pas s ed and Edwar d' s ar r i v al gr ew c l os er . I t was amaz i ng how
ev er y c el l i n my body s eemed t o know he was c omi ng, t o l ong f or hi s
c omi ng. That made i t v er y har d. I f ound my s el f t r y i ng t o t hi nk of ex c us es
t o s t ay , t o s ee hi m f i r s t and t hen mak e my es c ape. But I k new t hat was
i mpos s i bl e i f I was goi ng t o hav e any c hanc e t o get away .
Sev er al t i mes Al i c e of f er ed t o go get br eak f as t wi t h me. Lat er , I t ol d
her , not y et .
I s t ar ed at t he ar r i v al boar d, wat c hi ng as f l i ght af t er f l i ght ar r i v ed on
t i me. The f l i ght f r om Seat t l e c r ept c l os er t o t he t op of t he boar d.
And t hen, when I had onl y t hi r t y mi nut es t o mak e my es c ape, t he number s
c hanged. Hi s pl ane was t en mi nut es ear l y . I had no mor e t i me.
" I t hi nk I ' l l eat now, " I s ai d qui c k l y .
Al i c e s t ood. " I ' l l c ome wi t h y ou. "
" Do y ou mi nd i f J as per c omes i ns t ead?" I as k ed. " I ' m f eel i ng a l i t t l e…" I
di dn' t f i ni s h t he s ent enc e. My eyes wer e wi l d enough t o c onv ey what I
di dn' t s ay .
J as per s t ood up. Al i c e' s ey es wer e c onf us ed, but — I s aw t o my r el i ef —
not s us pi c i ous . She mus t be at t r i but i ng t he c hange i n her v i s i on t o s ome
maneuv er of t he t r ac k er ' s r at her t han a bet r ay al by me.
J as per wal k ed s i l ent l y bes i de me, hi s hand on t he s mal l of my bac k, as i f
he wer e gui di ng me. I pr et ended a l ac k of i nt er es t i n t he f i r s t f ew
ai r por t c af es , my head s c anni ng f or what I r eal l y want ed. And t her e i t
was , ar ound t he c or ner , out of Al i c e' s s har p s i ght : t he l ev el - t hr ee
l adi es ' r oom.
" Do y ou mi nd?" I as k ed J as per as we pas s ed. " I ' l l j us t be a moment . "
" I ' l l be r i ght her e, " he s ai d.
As s oon as t he door s hut behi nd me, I was r unni ng. I r emember ed t he t i me
I had got t en l os t f r om t hi s bat hr oom, bec aus e i t had t wo ex i t s .
Out s i de t he f ar door i t was onl y a s hor t s pr i nt t o t he el ev at or s , and i f
J as per s t ay ed wher e he s ai d he woul d, I ' d nev er be i n hi s l i ne of s i ght .
I di dn' t l ook behi nd me as I r an. Thi s was my onl y c hanc e, and ev en i f he
s aw me, I had t o k eep goi ng. Peopl e s t ar ed, but I i gnor ed t hem. Ar ound
t he c or ner t he el ev at or s wer e wai t i ng, and I das hed f or war d, t hr owi ng my
hand bet ween t he c l os i ng door s of a f ul l el ev at or headed down. I squeez ed
i n bes i de t he i r r i t at ed pas s enger s , and c hec k ed t o mak e s ur e t hat t he
but t on f or l ev el one had been pushed. I t was al r eady l i t , and t he door s
c l os ed.
As s oon as t he door opened I was of f agai n, t o t he s ound of annoy ed
mur mur s behi nd me. I s l owed my s el f as I pas s ed t he s ec ur i t y guar ds by t he
l uggage c ar ous el s , onl y t o br eak i nt o a r un agai n as t he ex i t door s c ame
i nt o v i ew. I had no way of k nowi ng i f J as per was l ook i ng f or me y et .
I woul d hav e onl y s ec onds i f he was f ol l owi ng my s c ent . I j umped out t he
aut omat i c door s , near l y s mac k i ng i nt o t he gl as s when t hey opened t oo
s l owl y .
Al ong t he c r owded c ur b t her e was n' t a c ab i n s i ght .
I had no t i me. Al i c e and J as per wer e ei t her about t o r eal i z e I was gone,
or t hey al r eady had. They woul d f i nd me i n a hear t beat .
A s hut t l e t o t he Hy at t was j us t cl os i ng i t s door s a f ew f eet behi nd me.
" Wai t ! " I c al l ed, r unni ng, wav i ng at t he dr i v er .
" Thi s i s t he s hut t l e t o t he Hy at t , " t he dr i v er s ai d i n c onf us i on as he
opened t he door s .
" Yes , " I huf f ed, " t hat ' s wher e I ' m goi ng. " I hur r i ed up t he s t eps .
He l ook ed as k anc e at my l uggage- l es s s t at e, but t hen s hr ugged, not c ar i ng
enough t o as k .
Mos t of t he s eat s wer e empt y . I sat as f ar f r om t he ot her t r av el er s as
pos s i bl e, and wat c hed out t he wi ndow as f i r s t t he s i dewal k , and t hen t he
ai r por t , dr i f t ed away . I c oul dn' t hel p i magi ni ng Edwar d, wher e he woul d
s t and at t he edge of t he r oad when he f ound t he end of my t r ai l . I
c oul dn' t c r y y et , I t ol d my s el f . I s t i l l had a l ong way t o go.
My l uc k hel d. I n f r ont of t he Hy at t , a t i r ed- l ook i ng c oupl e was get t i ng
t hei r l as t s ui t c as e out of t he t r unk of a c ab. I j umped out of t he
s hut t l e and r an t o t he c ab, s l i di ng i nt o t he s eat behi nd t he dr i v er . The
t i r ed c oupl e and t he s hut t l e dr i ver s t ar ed at me.
I t ol d t he s ur pr i s ed c abbi e my mot her ' s addr es s . " I need t o get t her e as
s oon as pos s i bl e. "
" That ' s i n Sc ot t s dal e, " he c ompl ai ned.
I t hr ew f our t went i es ov er t he s eat .
" Wi l l t hat be enough?"
" Sur e, k i d, no pr obl em. "
I s at bac k agai ns t t he s eat , f ol di ng my ar ms ac r os s my l ap. The f ami l i ar
c i t y began t o r us h ar ound me, but I di dn' t l ook out t he wi ndows . I
ex er t ed my s el f t o mai nt ai n c ont r ol . I was det er mi ned not t o l os e my s el f
at t hi s poi nt , now t hat my pl an was s uc c es s f ul l y c ompl et ed. Ther e was no
poi nt i n i ndul gi ng i n mor e t er r or , mor e anx i et y . My pat h was s et . I j us t
had t o f ol l ow i t now.
So, i ns t ead of pani c k i ng, I c l os ed my ey es and s pent t he t went y mi nut es '
dr i v e wi t h Edwar d.
I i magi ned t hat I had s t ay ed at t he ai r por t t o meet Edwar d. I v i s ual i z ed
how I woul d s t and on my t oes , t he s ooner t o s ee hi s f ac e. How qui ck l y ,
how gr ac ef ul l y he woul d mov e t hr ough t he c r owds of peopl e s epar at i ng us .
And t hen I woul d r un t o c l os e t hos e l as t f ew f eet bet ween us — r eck l es s
as al way s — and I woul d be i n hi s mar bl e ar ms , f i nal l y s af e.
I wonder ed wher e we woul d hav e gone. Nor t h s omewher e, s o he c oul d be
out s i de i n t he day . Or may be s omewher e v er y r emot e, s o we c oul d l ay i n
t he s un t oget her agai n. I i magi ned hi m by t he s hor e, hi s s k i n s par k l i ng
l i k e t he s ea. I t woul dn' t mat t er how l ong we had t o hi de. To be t r apped
i n a hot el r oom wi t h hi m woul d be a k i nd of heav en. So many ques t i ons I
s t i l l had f or hi m. I c oul d t al k t o hi m f or ev er , nev er s l eepi ng, nev er
l eav i ng hi s s i de.
I c oul d s ee hi s f ac e s o c l ear l y now… al mos t hear hi s v oi c e. And, des pi t e
al l t he hor r or and hopel es s nes s , I was f l eet i ngl y happy . So i nv ol ved was
I i n my es c api s t day dr eams , I l ost al l t r ac k of t he s ec onds r ac i ng by .
" Hey , what was t he number ?"
The c abbi e' s ques t i on punc t ur ed my f ant as y , l et t i ng al l t he c ol or s r un
out of my l ov el y del us i ons . Fear , bl eak and har d, was wai t i ng t o f i l l t he
empt y s pac e t hey l ef t behi nd.
" Fi f t y - ei ght t went y - one. " My v oi ce s ounded s t r angl ed. The c abbi e l ook ed
at me, ner v ous t hat I was hav i ng an epi s ode or s omet hi ng.
" Her e we ar e, t hen. " He was anx i ous t o get me out of hi s c ar , pr obabl y
hopi ng I woul dn' t as k f or my c hange.
" Thank y ou, " I whi s per ed. Ther e was no need t o be af r ai d, I r emi nded
my s el f . The hous e was empt y . I had t o hur r y ; my mom was wai t i ng f or me,
f r i ght ened, dependi ng on me.
I r an t o t he door , r eac hi ng up aut omat i c al l y t o gr ab t he k ey under t he
eav e. I unl oc k ed t he door . I t was dar k i ns i de, empt y , nor mal . I r an t o
t he phone, t ur ni ng on t he k i t c hen l i ght on my way . Ther e, on t he
whi t eboar d, was a t en- di gi t number wr i t t en i n a s mal l , neat hand. My
f i nger s s t umbl ed ov er t he k ey pad, mak i ng mi s t ak es . I had t o hang up and
s t ar t agai n. I c onc ent r at ed onl y on t he but t ons t hi s t i me, c ar ef ul l y
pr es s i ng eac h one i n t ur n. I was s uc c es s f ul . I hel d t he phone t o my ear
wi t h a s hak i ng hand. I t r ang onl y onc e.
" Hel l o, Bel l a, " t hat eas y v oi c e ans wer ed. " That was v er y qui c k . I ' m
i mpr es s ed. "
" I s my mom al l r i ght ?"
" She' s per f ec t l y f i ne. Don' t wor r y , Bel l a, I hav e no quar r el wi t h her .
Unl es s y ou di dn' t c ome al one, of c our s e. " Li ght , amus ed.
" I ' m al one. " I ' d nev er been mor e al one i n my ent i r e l i f e.
" Ver y good. Now, do y ou k now t he bal l et s t udi o j us t ar ound t he c or ner
f r om y our home?"
" Yes . I k now how t o get t her e. "
" Wel l , t hen, I ' l l s ee y ou v er y s oon. "
I hung up.
I r an f r om t he r oom, t hr ough t he door , out i nt o t he bak i ng heat .
Ther e was no t i me t o l ook bac k at my hous e, and I di dn' t want t o see i t
as i t was now — empt y , a s y mbol of f ear i ns t ead of s anc t uar y . The l as t
per s on t o wal k t hr ough t hos e f ami l i ar r ooms was my enemy .
Fr om t he c or ner of my ey e, I c oul d al mos t s ee my mot her s t andi ng i n t he
s hade of t he bi g euc al y pt us t r ee wher e I ' d pl ay ed as a c hi l d. Or kneel i ng
by t he l i t t l e pl ot of di r t ar ound t he mai l box , t he c emet er y of al l t he
f l ower s s he' d t r i ed t o gr ow. The memor i es wer e bet t er t han any r eal i t y I
woul d s ee t oday . But I r ac ed away f r om t hem, t owar d t he c or ner , l eav i ng
ev er y t hi ng behi nd me.
I f el t s o s l ow, l i k e I was r unni ng t hr ough wet s and — I c oul dn' t seem t o
get enough pur c has e f r om t he c oncr et e. I t r i pped s ev er al t i mes , onc e
f al l i ng, c at c hi ng my s el f wi t h my hands , s c r api ng t hem on t he s i dewal k ,
and t hen l ur c hi ng up t o pl unge f or war d agai n. But at l as t I made i t t o
t he c or ner . J us t anot her s t r eet now; I r an, s weat pour i ng down my f ac e,
gas pi ng. The s un was hot on my s ki n, t oo br i ght as i t bounc ed of f t he
whi t e c onc r et e and bl i nded me. I f el t danger ous l y ex pos ed. Mor e f i er c el y
t han I woul d hav e dr eamed I was capabl e of , I wi s hed f or t he gr een,
pr ot ec t i v e f or es t s of For k s … of home.
When I r ounded t he l as t c or ner , ont o Cac t us , I c oul d s ee t he s t udi o,
l ook i ng j us t as I r emember ed i t . The par k i ng l ot i n f r ont was empt y , t he
v er t i c al bl i nds i n al l t he wi ndows dr awn. I c oul dn' t r un any mor e — I
c oul dn' t br eat he; ex er t i on and f ear had got t en t he bes t of me. I t hought
of my mot her t o k eep my f eet mov i ng, one i n f r ont of t he ot her .
As I got c l os er , I c oul d s ee t he s i gn i ns i de t he door . I t was handwr i t t en
on hot pi nk paper ; i t s ai d t he danc e s t udi o was c l os ed f or s pr i ng br eak .
I t ouc hed t he handl e, t ugged on i t c aut i ous l y . I t was unl oc k ed. I f ought
to c at c h my br eat h, and opened t he door .
The l obby was dar k and empt y , c ool , t he ai r c ondi t i oner t hr ummi ng. The
pl as t i c mol ded c hai r s wer e s t ac k ed al ong t he wal l s , and t he c ar pet
s mel l ed l i k e s hampoo. The wes t danc e f l oor was dar k , I c oul d s ee t hr ough
t he open v i ewi ng wi ndow. The eas t danc e f l oor , t he bi gger r oom, was l i t .
But t he bl i nds wer e c l os ed on t he wi ndow.
Ter r or s ei z ed me s o s t r ongl y t hat I was l i t er al l y t r apped by i t . I
c oul dn' t mak e my f eet mov e f or war d.
And t hen my mot her ' s v oi c e c al l ed.
" Bel l a? Bel l a?" That s ame t one of hy s t er i c al pani c . I s pr i nt ed t o t he
door , t o t he s ound of her v oi c e.
" Bel l a, y ou s c ar ed me! Don' t y ou ev er do t hat t o me agai n! " Her v oi c e
c ont i nued as I r an i nt o t he l ong, hi gh- c ei l i nged r oom.
I s t ar ed ar ound me, t r y i ng t o f i nd wher e her v oi c e was c omi ng f r om. I
hear d her l augh, and I whi r l ed t o t he s ound.
Ther e s he was , on t he TV s c r een, t ous l i ng my hai r i n r el i ef . I t was
Thank s gi v i ng, and I was t wel v e. We' d gone t o s ee my gr andmot her i n
Cal i f or ni a, t he l as t y ear bef or e s he di ed. We went t o t he beac h one day ,
and I ' d l eaned t oo f ar ov er t he edge of t he pi er . She' d s een my f eet
f l ai l i ng, t r y i ng t o r ec l ai m my bal anc e. " Bel l a? Bel l a?" s he' d c al l ed t o
me i n f ear .
And t hen t he TV s c r een was bl ue.
I t ur ned s l owl y . He was s t andi ng v er y s t i l l by t he bac k ex i t , s o st i l l I
hadn' t not i c ed hi m at f i r s t . I n hi s hand was a r emot e c ont r ol . We s t ar ed
at eac h ot her f or a l ong moment , and t hen he s mi l ed.
He wal k ed t owar d me, qui t e c l os e, and t hen pas s ed me t o put t he r emot e
down nex t t o t he VCR. I t ur ned c ar ef ul l y t o wat c h hi m.
" Sor r y about t hat , Bel l a, but i s n' t i t bet t er t hat y our mot her di dn' t
r eal l y hav e t o be i nv ol v ed i n al l t hi s ?" Hi s v oi c e was c our t eous , k i nd.
And s uddenl y i t hi t me. My mot her was s af e. She was s t i l l i n Fl or i da.
She' d nev er got t en my mes s age. She' d nev er been t er r i f i ed by t he dar k r ed
ey es i n t he abnor mal l y pal e f ac e bef or e me. She was s af e.
" Yes , " I ans wer ed, my v oi c e s at ur at ed wi t h r el i ef .
" You don' t s ound angr y t hat I t r i c k ed y ou. "
" I ' m not . " My s udden hi gh made me br av e. What di d i t mat t er now? I t woul d
s oon be ov er . Char l i e and Mom woul d nev er be har med, woul d nev er hav e t o
f ear . I f el t al mos t gi ddy . Some anal y t i c al par t of my mi nd war ned me t hat
I was danger ous l y c l os e t o s nappi ng f r om t he s t r es s .
" How odd. You r eal l y mean i t . " Hi s dar k ey es as s es s ed me wi t h i nt er es t .
The i r i s es wer e near l y bl ac k , j ust a hi nt of r uby ar ound t he edges.
Thi r s t y . " I wi l l gi v e y our s t r ange c ov en t hi s muc h, y ou humans c an be
qui t e i nt er es t i ng. I gues s I c an s ee t he dr aw of obs er v i ng y ou. I t ' s
amaz i ng — s ome of y ou s eem t o have no s ens e of y our own s el f - i nt er es t at
al l . "
He was s t andi ng a f ew f eet away f r om me, ar ms f ol ded, l ook i ng at me
c ur i ous l y . Ther e was no menac e i n hi s f ac e or s t anc e. He was s o v er y
av er age- l ook i ng, not hi ng r emar k abl e about hi s f ac e or body at al l . J us t
t he whi t e s k i n, t he c i r c l ed ey es I ' d gr own s o us ed t o. He wor e a pal e
bl ue, l ong- s l eev ed s hi r t and f aded bl ue j eans .
" I s uppos e y ou' r e goi ng t o t el l me t hat y our boy f r i end wi l l av enge y ou?"
he as k ed, hopef ul l y i t s eemed t o me.
" No, I don' t t hi nk s o. At l eas t , I as k ed hi m not t o. "
" And what was hi s r epl y t o t hat ?"
" I don' t k now. " I t was s t r angel y eas y t o c onv er s e wi t h t hi s gent eel
hunt er . " I l ef t hi m a l et t er . "
" How r omant i c , a l as t l et t er . And do y ou t hi nk he wi l l honor i t ?" Hi s
v oi c e was j us t a l i t t l e har der now, a hi nt of s ar c as m mar r i ng hi s pol i t e
t one.
" I hope s o. "
" Hmmm. Wel l , our hopes di f f er t hen. You s ee, t hi s was al l j us t a l i t t l e
t oo eas y , t oo qui c k . To be qui t e hones t , I ' m di s appoi nt ed. I ex pect ed a
muc h gr eat er c hal l enge. And, af t er al l , I onl y needed a l i t t l e l uck . "
I wai t ed i n s i l enc e.
" When Vi c t or i a c oul dn' t get t o y our f at her , I had her f i nd out mor e about
y ou. Ther e was no s ens e i n r unni ng al l ov er t he pl anet c has i ng y ou down
when I c oul d c omf or t abl y wai t f or y ou i n a pl ac e of my c hoos i ng. So,
af t er I t al k ed t o Vi c t or i a, I deci ded t o c ome t o Phoeni x t o pay y our
mot her a v i s i t . I ' d hear d y ou s ay y ou wer e goi ng home. At f i r s t , I nev er
dr eamed y ou meant i t . But t hen I wonder ed. Humans c an be v er y
pr edi c t abl e; t hey l i k e t o be s omewher e f ami l i ar , s omewher e s af e. And
woul dn' t i t be t he per f ec t pl oy , t o go t o t he l as t pl ac e y ou s houl d be
when y ou' r e hi di ng — t he pl ac e t hat y ou s ai d y ou' d be.
" But of c our s e I was n' t s ur e, i t was j us t a hunc h. I us ual l y get a
f eel i ng about t he pr ey t hat I ' m hunt i ng, a s i x t h s ens e, i f y ou wi l l . I
l i s t ened t o y our mes s age when I got t o y our mot her ' s hous e, but of c our s e
I c oul dn' t be s ur e wher e y ou' d c al l ed f r om. I t was v er y us ef ul t o hav e
y our number , but y ou c oul d hav e been i n Ant ar c t i c a f or al l I k new, and
t he game woul dn' t wor k unl es s y ou wer e c l os e by .
" Then y our boy f r i end got on a pl ane t o Phoeni x . Vi c t or i a was moni t or i ng
t hem f or me, nat ur al l y ; i n a game wi t h t hi s many pl ay er s , I c oul dn' t be
wor k i ng al one. And s o t hey t ol d me what I ' d hoped, t hat y ou wer e her e
af t er al l . I was pr epar ed; I ' d al r eady been t hr ough y our c har mi ng home
mov i es . And t hen i t was s i mpl y a mat t er of t he bl uf f .
" Ver y eas y , y ou k now, not r eal l y up t o my s t andar ds . So, y ou s ee, I ' m
hopi ng y ou' r e wr ong about y our boy f r i end. Edwar d, i s n' t i t ?"
I di dn' t ans wer . The br av ado was wear i ng of f . I s ens ed t hat he was c omi ng
t o t he end of hi s gl oat . I t was n' t meant f or me any way . Ther e was no
gl or y i n beat i ng me, a weak human.
" Woul d y ou mi nd, v er y muc h, i f I l ef t a l i t t l e l et t er of my own f or y our
Edwar d?"
He t ook a s t ep bac k and t ouc hed a pal m- s i z ed di gi t al v i deo c amer a
bal anc ed c ar ef ul l y on t op of t he s t er eo. A s mal l r ed l i ght i ndi c at ed t hat
i t was al r eady r unni ng. He adj us t ed i t a f ew t i mes , wi dened t he f r ame. I
s t ar ed at hi m i n hor r or .
" I ' m s or r y , but I j us t don' t t hi nk he' l l be abl e t o r es i s t hunt i ng me
af t er he wat c hes t hi s . And I woul dn' t want hi m t o mi s s any t hi ng. I t was
al l f or hi m, of c our s e. You' r e s i mpl y a human, who unf or t unat el y was i n
t he wr ong pl ac e, at t he wr ong t i me, and i ndi s put abl y r unni ng wi t h t he
wr ong c r owd, I mi ght add. "
He s t epped t owar d me, s mi l i ng. " Bef or e we begi n…"
I f el t a c ur l of naus ea i n t he pi t of my s t omac h as he s pok e. Thi s was
s omet hi ng I had not ant i c i pat ed.
" I woul d j us t l i k e t o r ub i t i n, j us t a l i t t l e bi t . The ans wer was t her e
al l al ong, and I was s o af r ai d Edwar d woul d s ee t hat and r ui n my f un. I t
happened onc e, oh, ages ago. The one and onl y t i me my pr ey es c aped me.
" You s ee, t he v ampi r e who was s o s t upi dl y f ond of t hi s l i t t l e v i c t i m made
t he c hoi c e t hat y our Edwar d was t oo weak t o mak e. When t he ol d one k new I
was af t er hi s l i t t l e f r i end, he st ol e her f r om t he as y l um wher e he wor k ed
— I nev er wi l l under s t and t he obses s i on s ome v ampi r es s eem t o f or m wi t h
y ou humans — and as s oon as he f r eed her he made her s af e. She di dn' t
ev en s eem t o not i c e t he pai n, poor l i t t l e c r eat ur e. She' d been s t uc k i n
t hat bl ac k hol e of a c el l f or s o l ong. A hundr ed y ear s ear l i er and s he
woul d hav e been bur ned at t he s t ak e f or her v i s i ons . I n t he
ni net een- t went i es i t was t he as y l um and t he s hoc k t r eat ment s . When s he
opened her ey es , s t r ong wi t h her f r es h y out h, i t was l i k e s he' d nev er
s een t he s un bef or e. The ol d v ampi r e made her a s t r ong new v ampi r e, and
t her e was no r eas on f or me t o t ouc h her t hen. " He s i ghed. " I des t r oy ed
t he ol d one i n v engeanc e. "
" Al i c e, " I br eat hed, as t oni s hed.
" Yes , y our l i t t l e f r i end. I was sur pr i s ed t o s ee her i n t he c l ear i ng. So
I gues s her c ov en ought t o be abl e t o der i v e s ome c omf or t f r om t hi s
ex per i enc e. I get y ou, but t hey get her . The one v i c t i m who es c aped me,
qui t e an honor , ac t ual l y .
" And s he di d s mel l s o del i c i ous . I s t i l l r egr et t hat I nev er got t o
t as t e… She s mel l ed ev en bet t er t han y ou do. Sor r y — I don' t mean t o be
of f ens i v e. You hav e a v er y ni c e smel l . Fl or al , s omehow…"
He t ook anot her s t ep t owar d me, t i l l he was j us t i nc hes away . He l i f t ed a
l oc k of my hai r and s ni f f ed at i t del i c at el y . Then he gent l y pat t ed t he
s t r and bac k i nt o pl ac e, and I f el t hi s c ool f i nger t i ps agai ns t my t hr oat .
He r eac hed up t o s t r ok e my c heek onc e qui c k l y wi t h hi s t humb, hi s f ac e
c ur i ous . I want ed s o badl y t o r un, but I was f r oz en. I c oul dn' t even
f l i nc h away .
" No, " he mur mur ed t o hi ms el f as he dr opped hi s hand, " I don' t
under s t and. " He s i ghed. " Wel l , I s uppos e we s houl d get on wi t h i t . And
t hen I c an c al l y our f r i ends and t el l t hem wher e t o f i nd y ou, and my
l i t t l e mes s age. "
I was def i ni t el y s i c k now. Ther e was pai n c omi ng, I c oul d s ee i t i n hi s
ey es . It woul dn' t be enough f or hi m t o wi n, t o f eed and go. Ther e woul d
be no qui c k end l i k e I ' d been c ount i ng on. My k nees began t o s hak e, and I
was af r ai d I was goi ng t o f al l .
He s t epped bac k , and began t o c i r c l e, c as ual l y , as i f he wer e t r y i ng t o
get a bet t er v i ew of a s t at ue i n a mus eum. Hi s f ac e was s t i l l open and
f r i endl y as he dec i ded wher e t o st ar t .
Then he s l umped f or war d, i nt o a cr ouc h I r ec ogni z ed, and hi s pl easant
s mi l e s l owl y wi dened, gr ew, t i l l i t was n' t a s mi l e at al l but a
c ont or t i on of t eet h, ex pos ed and gl i s t eni ng.
I c oul dn' t hel p my s el f — I t r i ed t o r un. As us el es s as I k new i t woul d be,
as weak as my k nees al r eady wer e, pani c t ook ov er and I bol t ed f or t he
emer genc y door .
He was i n f r ont of me i n a f l as h. I di dn' t s ee i f he us ed hi s hand or hi s
f oot , i t was t oo f as t . A c r us hi ng bl ow s t r uc k my c hes t — I f el t mys el f
f l y i ng bac k war d, and t hen hear d t he c r unc h as my head bas hed i nt o t he
mi r r or s . The gl as s buc k l ed, s ome of t he pi ec es s hat t er i ng and s pl i nt er i ng
on t he f l oor bes i de me.
I was t oo s t unned t o f eel t he pai n. I c oul dn' t br eat he y et .
He wal k ed t owar d me s l owl y .
" That ' s a v er y ni c e ef f ec t , " he sai d, ex ami ni ng t he mes s of gl as s , hi s
v oi c e f r i endl y agai n. " I t hought t hi s r oom woul d be v i s ual l y dr amat i c f or
my l i t t l e f i l m. That ' s why I pi c ked t hi s pl ac e t o meet y ou. I t ' s per f ec t ,
i s n' t i t ?"
I i gnor ed hi m, s c r ambl i ng on my hands and k nees , c r awl i ng t owar d t he
ot her door .
He was ov er me at onc e, hi s f oot s t eppi ng down har d on my l eg. I hear d
t he s i c k eni ng s nap bef or e I f el t i t . But t hen I di d f eel i t , and I
c oul dn' t hol d bac k my s c r eam of agony . I t wi s t ed up t o r eac h f or my l eg,
and he was s t andi ng ov er me, s mi l i ng.
" Woul d y ou l i k e t o r et hi nk y our l as t r eques t ?" he as k ed pl eas ant l y. Hi s
t oe nudged my br ok en l eg and I hear d a pi er c i ng s c r eam. Wi t h a s hoc k , I
r eal i z ed i t was mi ne.
" Woul dn' t y ou r at her hav e Edwar d t r y t o f i nd me?" he pr ompt ed.
" No! " I c r oak ed. " No, Edwar d, don' t —" And t hen s omet hi ng s mas hed i nt o my
f ac e, t hr owi ng me bac k i nt o t he br ok en mi r r or s .
Ov er t he pai n of my l eg, I f el t t he s har p r i p ac r os s my s c al p wher e t he
gl as s c ut i nt o i t . And t hen t he war m wet nes s began t o s pr ead t hr ough my
hai r wi t h al ar mi ng s peed. I c oul d f eel i t s oak i ng t he s houl der of my
s hi r t , hear i t dr i ppi ng on t he wood bel ow. The s mel l of i t t wi s t ed my
s t omac h.
Thr ough t he naus ea and di z z i nes s I s aw s omet hi ng t hat gav e me a s udden,
f i nal s hr ed of hope. Hi s ey es , mer el y i nt ent bef or e, now bur ned wi t h an
unc ont r ol l abl e need. The bl ood — s pr eadi ng c r i ms on ac r os s my whi t e s hi r t ,
pool i ng r api dl y on t he f l oor — was dr i v i ng hi m mad wi t h t hi r s t . No mat t er
hi s or i gi nal i nt ent i ons , he c oul dn' t dr aw t hi s out muc h l onger .
Let i t be qui c k now, was al l I c oul d hope as t he f l ow of bl ood f r om my
head s uc k ed my c ons c i ous nes s away wi t h i t . My ey es wer e c l os i ng.
I hear d, as i f f r om under wat er , t he f i nal gr owl of t he hunt er . I coul d
s ee, t hr ough t he l ong t unnel s my ey es had bec ome, hi s dar k s hape comi ng
t owar d me. Wi t h my l as t ef f or t , my hand i ns t i nc t i v el y r ai s ed t o pr ot ec t
my f ac e. My ey es c l os ed, and I dr i f t ed.
===========================================================================

23. THE ANGEL

As I dr i f t ed, I dr eamed.
Wher e I f l oat ed, under t he dar k wat er , I hear d t he happi es t s ound my mi nd
c oul d c onj ur e up — as beaut i f ul , as upl i f t i ng, as i t was ghas t l y . I t was
anot her s nar l ; a deeper , wi l der r oar t hat r ang wi t h f ur y .
I was br ought bac k , al mos t t o t he s ur f ac e, by a s har p pai n s l as hi ng my
upr ai s ed hand, but I c oul dn' t f i nd my way bac k f ar enough t o open my ey es .
And t hen I k new I was dead.
Bec aus e, t hr ough t he heav y wat er , I hear d t he s ound of an angel c al l i ng
my name, c al l i ng me t o t he onl y heav en I want ed.
" Oh no, Bel l a, no! " t he angel ' s voi c e c r i ed i n hor r or .
Behi nd t hat l onged- f or s ound was anot her noi s e — an awf ul t umul t t hat my
mi nd s hi ed away f r om. A v i c i ous bas s gr owl i ng, a s hoc k i ng s nappi ng s ound,
and a hi gh k eeni ng, s uddenl y br eak i ng of f …
I t r i ed t o c onc ent r at e on t he angel ' s v oi c e i ns t ead.
" Bel l a, pl eas e! Bel l a, l i s t en t o me, pl eas e, pl eas e, Bel l a, pl eas e! " he
begged.
Yes , I want ed t o s ay . Any t hi ng. But I c oul dn' t f i nd my l i ps .
" Car l i s l e! " t he angel c al l ed, agony i n hi s per f ec t v oi c e. " Bel l a, Bel l a,
no, oh pl eas e, no, no! " And t he angel was s obbi ng t ear l es s , br ok en s obs .
The angel s houl dn' t weep, i t was wr ong. I t r i ed t o f i nd hi m, t o t el l hi m
ev er y t hi ng was f i ne, but t he wat er was s o deep, i t was pr es s i ng on me,
and I c oul dn' t br eat he.
Ther e was a poi nt of pr es s ur e agai ns t my head. I t hur t . Then, as t hat
pai n br ok e t hr ough t he dar k nes s t o me, ot her pai ns c ame, s t r onger pai ns .
I c r i ed out , gas pi ng, br eak i ng t hr ough t he dar k pool .
" Bel l a! " t he angel c r i ed.
" She' s l os t s ome bl ood, but t he head wound i s n' t deep, " a c al m v oi c e
i nf or med me. " Wat c h out f or her l eg, i t ' s br ok en. "
A howl of r age s t r angl ed on t he angel ' s l i ps .
I f el t a s har p s t ab i n my s i de. Thi s c oul dn' t be heav en, c oul d i t ? Ther e
was t oo muc h pai n f or t hat .
" Some r i bs , t oo, I t hi nk , " t he met hodi c al v oi c e c ont i nued.
But t he s har p pai ns wer e f adi ng. Ther e was a new pai n, a s c al di ng pai n i n
my hand t hat was ov er s hadowi ng ever y t hi ng el s e.
Someone was bur ni ng me.
" Edwar d. " I t r i ed t o t el l hi m, but my v oi c e was s o heav y and s l ow. I
c oul dn' t under s t and my s el f .
" Bel l a, y ou' r e goi ng t o be f i ne. Can y ou hear me, Bel l a? I l ov e y ou. "
" Edwar d, " I t r i ed agai n. My v oi c e was a l i t t l e c l ear er .
" Yes , I ' m her e. "
" I t hur t s , " I whi mper ed.
" I k now, Bel l a, I k now" — and t hen, away f r om me, angui s hed — " c an' t y ou
do any t hi ng?"
" My bag, pl eas e… Hol d y our br eat h, Al i c e, i t wi l l hel p, " Car l i s l e
pr omi s ed.
" Al i c e?" I gr oaned.
" She' s her e, s he k new wher e t o f i nd y ou. "
" My hand hur t s , " I t r i ed t o t el l hi m.
" I k now, Bel l a. Car l i s l e wi l l gi ve y ou s omet hi ng, i t wi l l s t op. "
" My hand i s bur ni ng! " I s c r eamed, f i nal l y br eak i ng t hr ough t he l ast of
t he dar k nes s , my ey es f l ut t er i ng open. I c oul dn' t s ee hi s f ac e, s omet hi ng
dar k and war m was c l oudi ng my ey es . Why c oul dn' t t hey s ee t he f i r e and
put i t out ?
Hi s v oi c e was f r i ght ened. " Bel l a?"
" The f i r e! Someone s t op t he f i r e! " I s c r eamed as i t bur ned me.
" Car l i s l e! Her hand! "
" He bi t her . " Car l i s l e' s v oi c e was no l onger c al m, i t was appal l ed.
I hear d Edwar d c at c h hi s br eat h i n hor r or .
" Edwar d, y ou hav e t o do i t . " I t was Al i c e' s v oi c e, c l os e by my head. Cool
f i nger s br us hed at t he wet nes s i n my ey es .
" No! " he bel l owed.
" Al i c e, " I moaned.
" Ther e may be a c hanc e, " Car l i s l e s ai d.
" What ?" Edwar d begged.
" See i f y ou c an s uc k t he v enom bac k out . The wound i s f ai r l y c l ean. " As
Car l i s l e s pok e, I c oul d f eel mor e pr es s ur e on my head, s omet hi ng pok i ng
and pul l i ng at my s c al p. The pai n of i t was l os t i n t he pai n of t he f i r e.
" Wi l l t hat wor k ?" Al i c e' s v oi c e was s t r ai ned.
" I don' t k now, " Car l i s l e s ai d. " But we hav e t o hur r y . "
" Car l i s l e, I …" Edwar d hes i t at ed. " I don' t k now i f I c an do t hat . " Ther e
was agony i n hi s beaut i f ul v oi c e agai n.
" I t ' s y our dec i s i on, Edwar d, ei t her way . I c an' t hel p y ou. I hav e t o get
t hi s bl eedi ng s t opped her e i f y ou' r e goi ng t o be t ak i ng bl ood f r om her
hand. "
I wr i t hed i n t he gr i p of t he f i er y t or t ur e, t he mov ement mak i ng t he pai n
i n my l eg f l ar e s i c k eni ngl y .
" Edwar d! " I s c r eamed. I r eal i z ed my ey es wer e c l os ed agai n. I opened
t hem, des per at e t o f i nd hi s f ac e. And I f ound hi m. Fi nal l y , I c oul d s ee
hi s per f ec t f ac e, s t ar i ng at me, t wi s t ed i nt o a mas k of i ndec i s i on and
pai n.
" Al i c e, get me s omet hi ng t o br ac e her l eg! " Car l i s l e was bent ov er me,
wor k i ng on my head. " Edwar d, y ou mus t do i t now, or i t wi l l be t oo l at e. "
Edwar d' s f ac e was dr awn. I wat c hed hi s ey es as t he doubt was s uddenl y
r epl ac ed wi t h a bl az i ng det er mi nat i on. Hi s j aw t i ght ened. I f el t hi s
c ool , s t r ong f i nger s on my bur ni ng hand, l oc k i ng i t i n pl ac e. Then hi s
head bent ov er i t , and hi s c ol d l i ps pr es s ed agai ns t my s k i n.
At f i r s t t he pai n was wor s e. I s cr eamed and t hr as hed agai ns t t he cool
hands t hat hel d me bac k . I hear d Al i c e' s v oi c e, t r y i ng t o c al m me.
Somet hi ng heav y hel d my l eg t o t he f l oor , and Car l i s l e had my head l oc k ed
i n t he v i s e of hi s s t one ar ms .
Then, s l owl y , my wr i t hi ng c al med as my hand gr ew mor e and mor e numb. The
f i r e was dul l i ng, f oc us i ng i nt o an ev er - s mal l er poi nt .
I f el t my c ons c i ous nes s s l i ppi ng as t he pai n s ubs i ded. I was af r ai d t o
f al l i nt o t he bl ac k wat er s agai n, af r ai d I woul d l os e hi m i n t he dar k nes s .
" Edwar d, " I t r i ed t o s ay , but I coul dn' t hear my v oi c e. They c oul d hear
me.
" He' s r i ght her e, Bel l a. "
" St ay , Edwar d, s t ay wi t h me…"
" I wi l l . " Hi s v oi c e was s t r ai ned, but s omehow t r i umphant .
I s i ghed c ont ent edl y . The f i r e was gone, t he ot her pai ns dul l ed by a
s l eepi nes s s eepi ng t hr ough my body .
" I s i t al l out ?" Car l i s l e as k ed f r om s omewher e f ar away .
" Her bl ood t as t es c l ean, " Edwar d s ai d qui et l y . " I c an t as t e t he mor phi ne. "
" Bel l a?" Car l i s l e c al l ed t o me.
I t r i ed t o ans wer . " Mmmmm?"
" I s t he f i r e gone?"
" Yes , " I s i ghed. " Thank y ou, Edwar d. "
" I l ov e y ou, " he ans wer ed.
" I k now, " I br eat hed, s o t i r ed.
I hear d my f av or i t e s ound i n t he wor l d: Edwar d' s qui et l augh, weak wi t h
r el i ef .
" Bel l a?" Car l i s l e as k ed agai n.
I f r owned; I want ed t o s l eep. " What ?"
" Wher e i s y our mot her ?"
" I n Fl or i da, " I s i ghed. " He t r i c ked me, Edwar d. He wat c hed our v i deos . "
The out r age i n my v oi c e was pi t i f ul l y f r ai l .
But t hat r emi nded me.
" Al i c e. " I t r i ed t o open my ey es . " Al i c e, t he v i deo — he k new y ou, Al i c e,
he k new wher e y ou c ame f r om. " I meant t o s peak ur gent l y , but my v oi c e was
f eebl e. " I s mel l gas ol i ne, " I added, s ur pr i s ed t hr ough t he haz e i n my
br ai n.
" I t ' s t i me t o mov e her , " Car l i s l e s ai d.
" No, I want t o s l eep, " I c ompl ai ned.
" You c an s l eep, s weet hear t , I ' l l c ar r y y ou, " Edwar d s oot hed me.
And I was i n hi s ar ms , c r adl ed agai ns t hi s c hes t — f l oat i ng, al l t he pai n
gone.
" Sl eep now, Bel l a" wer e t he l as t wor ds I hear d.
===========================================================================

24. AN I MPASSE

My ey es opened t o a br i ght , whi t e l i ght . I was i n an unf ami l i ar r oom, a

whi t e r oom. The wal l bes i de me was c ov er ed i n l ong v er t i c al bl i nds; ov er
my head, t he gl ar i ng l i ght s bl i nded me. I was pr opped up on a har d,
unev en bed — a bed wi t h r ai l s . The pi l l ows wer e f l at and l umpy . Ther e was
an annoy i ng beepi ng s ound s omewher e c l os e by . I hoped t hat meant I was
s t i l l al i v e. Deat h s houl dn' t be t hi s unc omf or t abl e.
My hands wer e al l t wi s t ed up wi t h c l ear t ubes , and s omet hi ng was t aped
ac r os s my f ac e, under my nos e. I l i f t ed my hand t o r i p i t of f .
" No, y ou don' t . " And c ool f i nger s c aught my hand.
" Edwar d?" I t ur ned my head s l i ght l y , and hi s ex qui s i t e f ac e was j us t
i nc hes f r om mi ne, hi s c hi n r es t i ng on t he edge of my pi l l ow. I r eal i z ed
agai n t hat I was al i v e, t hi s t i me wi t h gr at i t ude and el at i on. " Oh,
Edwar d, I ' m s o s or r y ! "
" Shhhh, " he s hus hed me. " Ev er y t hi ng' s al l r i ght now. "
" What happened?" I c oul dn' t r emember c l ear l y , and my mi nd r ebel l ed
agai ns t me as I t r i ed t o r ec al l .
" I was al mos t t oo l at e. I c oul d hav e been t oo l at e, " he whi s per ed, hi s
v oi c e t or ment ed.
" I was s o s t upi d, Edwar d. I t hought he had my mom. "
" He t r i c k ed us al l . "
" I need t o c al l Char l i e and my mom, " I r eal i z ed t hr ough t he haz e.
" Al i c e c al l ed t hem. Renée i s her e — wel l , her e i n t he hos pi t al . She' s
get t i ng s omet hi ng t o eat r i ght now. "
" She' s her e?" I t r i ed t o s i t up, but t he s pi nni ng i n my head ac c el er at ed,
and hi s hand pus hed me gent l y down ont o t he pi l l ows .
" She' l l be bac k s oon, " he pr omi s ed. " And y ou need t o s t ay s t i l l . "
" But what di d y ou t el l her ?" I pani c k ed. I had no i nt er es t i n bei ng
s oot hed. My mom was her e and I was r ec ov er i ng f r om a v ampi r e at t ack . " Why
di d y ou t el l her I ' m her e?"
" You f el l down t wo f l i ght s of s t ai r s and t hr ough a wi ndow. " He paus ed.
" You hav e t o admi t , i t c oul d happen. "
I s i ghed, and i t hur t . I s t ar ed down at my body under t he s heet , t he huge
l ump t hat was my l eg.
" How bad am I ?" I as k ed.
" You hav e a br ok en l eg, f our br oken r i bs , s ome c r ac k s i n y our s k ul l ,
br ui s es c ov er i ng ev er y i nc h of y our s k i n, and y ou' v e l os t a l ot of bl ood.
They gav e y ou a f ew t r ans f us i ons . I di dn' t l i k e i t — i t made y ou smel l
al l wr ong f or a whi l e. "
" That mus t hav e been a ni c e c hange f or y ou. "
" No, I l i k e how y ou s mel l . "
" How di d y ou do i t ?" I as k ed qui et l y . He k new what I meant at onc e.
" I ' m not s ur e. " He l ook ed away f r om my wonder i ng ey es , l i f t i ng my
gauz e- wr apped hand f r om t he bed and hol di ng i t gent l y i n hi s , c ar ef ul not
t o di s r upt t he wi r e c onnec t i ng me t o one of t he moni t or s .
I wai t ed pat i ent l y f or t he r es t .
He s i ghed wi t hout r et ur ni ng my gaz e. " I t was i mpos s i bl e… t o s t op, " he
whi s per ed. " I mpos s i bl e. But I di d. " He l ook ed up f i nal l y , wi t h hal f a
s mi l e. " I mus t l ov e y ou. "
" Don' t I t as t e as good as I s mel l ?" I s mi l ed i n r es pons e. That hur t my
f ac e.
" Ev en bet t er — bet t er t han I ' d i magi ned. "
" I ' m s or r y , " I apol ogi z ed.
He r ai s ed hi s ey es t o t he c ei l i ng. " Of al l t he t hi ngs t o apol ogi z e f or . "
" What s houl d I apol ogi z e f or ?"
" For v er y near l y t ak i ng y our s el f away f r om me f or ev er . "
" I ' m s or r y , " I apol ogi z ed agai n.
" I k now why y ou di d i t . " Hi s v oi ce was c omf or t i ng. " I t was s t i l l
i r r at i onal , of c our s e. You s houl d hav e wai t ed f or me, y ou s houl d hav e
t ol d me. "
" You woul dn' t hav e l et me go. "
" No, " he agr eed i n a gr i m t one, " I woul dn' t . "
Some v er y unpl eas ant memor i es wer e begi nni ng t o c ome bac k t o me. I
s hudder ed, and t hen wi nc ed.
He was i ns t ant l y anx i ous . " Bel l a, what ' s wr ong?"
" What happened t o J ames ?"
" Af t er I pul l ed hi m of f y ou, Emmet t and J as per t ook c ar e of hi m. " Ther e
was a f i er c e not e of r egr et i n hi s v oi c e.
Thi s c onf us ed me. " I di dn' t s ee Emmet t and J as per t her e. "
" They had t o l eav e t he r oom… t her e was a l ot of bl ood. "
" But y ou s t ay ed. "
" Yes , I s t ay ed. "
" And Al i c e, and Car l i s l e…" I s ai d i n wonder .
" They l ov e y ou, t oo, y ou k now. "
A f l as h of pai nf ul i mages f r om t he l as t t i me I ' d s een Al i c e r emi nded me
of s omet hi ng. " Di d Al i c e s ee t he t ape?" I as k ed anx i ous l y .
" Yes . " A new s ound dar k ened hi s voi c e, a t one of s heer hat r ed.
" She was al way s i n t he dar k , t hat ' s why s he di dn' t r emember . "
" I k now. She under s t ands now. " Hi s v oi c e was ev en, but hi s f ac e was bl ac k
wi t h f ur y .
I t r i ed t o r eac h hi s f ac e wi t h my f r ee hand, but s omet hi ng s t opped me. I
gl anc ed down t o s ee t he I V pul l i ng at my hand.
" Ugh. " I wi nc ed.
" What i s i t ?" he as k ed anx i ous l y — di s t r ac t ed, but not enough. The
bl eak nes s di d not ent i r el y l eav e hi s ey es .
" Needl es , " I ex pl ai ned, l ook i ng away f r om t he one i n my hand. I
c onc ent r at ed on a war ped c ei l i ng t i l e and t r i ed t o br eat he deepl y des pi t e
t he ac he i n my r i bs .
" Af r ai d of a needl e, " he mut t er ed t o hi ms el f under hi s br eat h, s hak i ng
hi s head. " Oh, a s adi s t i c v ampi r e, i nt ent on t or t ur i ng her t o deat h,
s ur e, no pr obl em, s he r uns of f t o meet hi m. An I V, on t he ot her hand…"
I r ol l ed my ey es . I was pl eas ed t o di s c ov er t hat t hi s r eac t i on, at l eas t ,
was pai n- f r ee. I dec i ded t o c hange t he s ubj ec t .
" Why ar e y ou her e?" I as k ed.
He s t ar ed at me, f i r s t c onf us i on and t hen hur t t ouc hi ng hi s ey es . Hi s
br ows pul l ed t oget her as he f r owned. " Do y ou want me t o l eav e?"
" No! " I pr ot es t ed, hor r i f i ed by t he t hought . " No, I meant , why does my
mot her t hi nk y ou' r e her e? I need t o hav e my s t or y s t r ai ght bef or e s he
get s bac k . "
" Oh, " he s ai d, and hi s f or ehead smoot hed bac k i nt o mar bl e. " I c ame t o
Phoeni x t o t al k s ome s ens e i nt o you, t o c onv i nc e y ou t o c ome bac k t o
For k s . " Hi s wi de ey es wer e s o ear nes t and s i nc er e, I al mos t bel i eved hi m
my s el f . " You agr eed t o s ee me, and y ou dr ov e out t o t he hot el wher e I was
s t ay i ng wi t h Car l i s l e and Al i c e — of c our s e I was her e wi t h par ent al
s uper v i s i on, " he i ns er t ed v i r t uous l y , " but y ou t r i pped on t he s t ai r s on
t he way t o my r oom and… wel l , y ou k now t he r es t . You don' t need t o
r emember any det ai l s , t hough; y ou hav e a good ex c us e t o be a l i t t l e
muddl ed about t he f i ner poi nt s . "
I t hought about i t f or a moment . " Ther e ar e a f ew f l aws wi t h t hat s t or y .
Li k e no br ok en wi ndows . "
" Not r eal l y , " he s ai d. " Al i c e had a l i t t l e bi t t oo muc h f un f abr i cat i ng
ev i denc e. I t ' s al l been t ak en c ar e of v er y c onv i nc i ngl y — y ou c oul d
pr obabl y s ue t he hot el i f y ou want ed t o. You hav e not hi ng t o wor r y
about , " he pr omi s ed, s t r ok i ng my c heek wi t h t he l i ght es t of t ouc hes .
" Your onl y j ob now i s t o heal . "
I was n' t s o l os t t o t he s or enes s or t he f og of medi c at i on t hat I di dn' t
r es pond t o hi s t ouc h. The beepi ng of t he moni t or j umped ar ound
er r at i c al l y — now he was n' t t he onl y one who c oul d hear my hear t
mi s behav e.
" That ' s goi ng t o be embar r as s i ng, " I mut t er ed t o my s el f .
He c huc k l ed, and a s pec ul at i v e l ook c ame i nt o hi s ey e. " Hmm, I wonder …"
He l eaned i n s l owl y ; t he beepi ng noi s e ac c el er at ed wi l dl y bef or e hi s l i ps
ev en t ouc hed me. But when t hey di d, t hough wi t h t he mos t gent l e of
pr es s ur e, t he beepi ng s t opped al t oget her .
He pul l ed bac k abr upt l y , hi s anx i ous ex pr es s i on t ur ni ng t o r el i ef as t he
moni t or r epor t ed t he r es t ar t i ng of my hear t .
" I t s eems t hat I ' m goi ng t o hav e t o be ev en mor e c ar ef ul wi t h y ou t han
us ual . " He f r owned.
" I was not f i ni s hed k i s s i ng y ou, " I c ompl ai ned. " Don' t mak e me c ome ov er
t her e. "
He gr i nned, and bent t o pr es s hi s l i ps l i ght l y t o mi ne. The moni t or went
wi l d.
But t hen hi s l i ps wer e t aut . He pul l ed away .
" I t hi nk I hear y our mot her , " he s ai d, gr i nni ng agai n.
" Don' t l eav e me, " I c r i ed, an i r r at i onal s ur ge of pani c f l oodi ng t hr ough
me. I c oul dn' t l et hi m go — he mi ght di s appear f r om me agai n.
He r ead t he t er r or i n my ey es f or a s hor t s ec ond. " I won' t , " he pr omi s ed
s ol emnl y , and t hen he s mi l ed. " I ' l l t ak e a nap. "
He mov ed f r om t he har d pl as t i c c hai r by my s i de t o t he t ur quoi s e
f aux - l eat her r ec l i ner at t he f oot of my bed, l eani ng i t al l t he way bac k ,
and c l os i ng hi s ey es . He was per f ec t l y s t i l l .
" Don' t f or get t o br eat he, " I whi sper ed s ar c as t i c al l y . He t ook a deep
br eat h, hi s ey es s t i l l c l os ed.
I c oul d hear my mot her now. She was t al k i ng t o s omeone, may be a nur s e,
and s he s ounded t i r ed and ups et . I want ed t o j ump out of t he bed and r un
t o her , t o c al m her , pr omi s e t hat ev er y t hi ng was f i ne. But I was n' t i n
any s or t of s hape f or j umpi ng, s o I wai t ed i mpat i ent l y .
The door opened a c r ac k , and s he peek ed t hr ough.
" Mom! " I whi s per ed, my v oi c e f ul l of l ov e and r el i ef .
She t ook i n Edwar d' s s t i l l f or m on t he r ec l i ner , and t i pt oed t o my
beds i de.
" He nev er l eav es , does he?" s he mumbl ed t o her s el f .
" Mom, I ' m s o gl ad t o s ee y ou! "
She bent down t o hug me gent l y , and I f el t war m t ear s f al l i ng on my
c heek s .
" Bel l a, I was s o ups et ! "
" I ' m s or r y , Mom. But ev er y t hi ng' s f i ne now, i t ' s ok ay , " I c omf or t ed her .
" I ' m j us t gl ad t o f i nal l y s ee y our ey es open. " She s at on t he edge of my
bed.
I s uddenl y r eal i z ed I di dn' t hav e any i dea when i t was . " How l ong hav e
t hey been c l os ed?"
" I t ' s Fr i day , hon, y ou' v e been out f or a whi l e. "
" Fr i day ?" I was s hoc k ed. I t r i ed t o r emember what day i t had been when…
but I di dn' t want t o t hi nk about t hat .
" They had t o k eep y ou s edat ed f or a whi l e, honey — y ou' v e got a l ot of
i nj ur i es . "
" I k now. " I c oul d f eel t hem.
" You' r e l uc k y Dr . Cul l en was t her e. He' s s uc h a ni c e man… v er y y oung,
t hough. And he l ook s mor e l i k e a model t han a doc t or …"
" You met Car l i s l e?"
" And Edwar d' s s i s t er Al i c e. She' s a l ov el y gi r l . "
" She i s , " I agr eed whol ehear t edl y.
She gl anc ed ov er her s houl der at Edwar d, l y i ng wi t h hi s ey es c l os ed i n
t he c hai r . " You di dn' t t el l me y ou had s uc h good f r i ends i n For k s . "
I c r i nged, and t hen moaned.
" What hur t s ?" s he demanded anx i ous l y , t ur ni ng bac k t o me. Edwar d' s ey es
f l as hed t o my f ac e.
" I t ' s f i ne, " I as s ur ed t hem. " I j us t hav e t o r emember not t o mov e. " He
l aps ed bac k i nt o hi s phony s l umber .
I t ook adv ant age of my mot her ' s moment ar y di s t r ac t i on t o k eep t he s ubj ec t
f r om r et ur ni ng t o my l es s - t han- c andi d behav i or . " Wher e' s Phi l ?" I as k ed
qui c k l y .
" Fl or i da — oh, Bel l a! You' l l nev er gues s ! J us t when we wer e about t o
l eav e, t he bes t news ! "
" Phi l got s i gned?" I gues s ed.
" Yes ! How di d y ou gues s ! The Suns, c an y ou bel i ev e i t ?"
" That ' s gr eat , Mom, " I s ai d as ent hus i as t i c al l y as I c oul d manage, t hough
I had l i t t l e i dea what t hat meant .
" And y ou' l l l i k e J ac k s onv i l l e s o muc h, " s he gus hed whi l e I s t ar ed at her
v ac ant l y . " I was a l i t t l e bi t wor r i ed when Phi l s t ar t ed t al k i ng about
Ak r on, what wi t h t he s now and ev er y t hi ng, bec aus e y ou k now how I hat e t he
c ol d, but now J ac k s onv i l l e! I t ' s al way s s unny , and t he humi di t y r eal l y
i s n' t t hat bad. We f ound t he c ut es t hous e, y el l ow, wi t h whi t e t r i m, and a
por c h j us t l i k e i n an ol d mov i e, and t hi s huge oak t r ee, and i t ' s j us t a
f ew mi nut es f r om t he oc ean, and you' l l hav e y our own bat hr oom —"
" Wai t , Mom! " I i nt er r upt ed. Edwar d s t i l l had hi s ey es c l os ed, but he
l ook ed t oo t ens e t o pas s as as l eep. " What ar e y ou t al k i ng about ? I ' m not
goi ng t o Fl or i da. I l i v e i n For k s. "
" But y ou don' t hav e t o any mor e, si l l y , " s he l aughed. " Phi l wi l l be abl e
t o be ar ound s o muc h mor e now… we' v e t al k ed about i t a l ot , and what I ' m
goi ng t o do i s t r ade of f on t he away games , hal f t he t i me wi t h y ou, hal f
t he t i me wi t h hi m. "
" Mom. " I hes i t at ed, wonder i ng how bes t t o be di pl omat i c about t hi s. " I
want t o l i v e i n For k s . I ' m al r eady s et t l ed i n at s c hool , and I have a
c oupl e of gi r l f r i ends " — s he gl anc ed t owar d Edwar d agai n when I r emi nded
her of f r i ends , s o I t r i ed anot her di r ec t i on — " and Char l i e needs me.
He' s j us t al l al one up t her e, and he c an' t c ook at al l . "
" You want t o s t ay i n For k s ?" s he as k ed, bewi l der ed. The i dea was
i nc onc ei v abl e t o her . And t hen her ey es f l i c k er ed bac k t owar d Edwar d.
" Why ?"
" I t ol d y ou — s c hool , Char l i e — ouc h! " I ' d s hr ugged. Not a good i dea.
Her hands f l ut t er ed hel pl es s l y over me, t r y i ng t o f i nd a s af e pl ace t o
pat . She made do wi t h my f or ehead; i t was unbandaged.
" Bel l a, honey , y ou hat e For k s , " she r emi nded me.
" I t ' s not s o bad. "
She f r owned and l ook ed bac k and f or t h bet ween Edwar d and me, t hi s t i me
v er y del i ber at el y .
" I s i t t hi s boy ?" s he whi s per ed.
I opened my mout h t o l i e, but her ey es wer e s c r ut i ni z i ng my f ac e, and I
k new s he woul d s ee t hr ough t hat .
" He' s par t of i t , " I admi t t ed. No need t o c onf es s how bi g a par t . " So,
hav e y ou had a c hanc e t o t al k wi t h Edwar d?" I as k ed.
" Yes . " She hes i t at ed, l ook i ng at hi s per f ec t l y s t i l l f or m. " And I want t o
t al k t o y ou about t hat . "
Uh- oh. " What about ?" I as k ed.
" I t hi nk t hat boy i s i n l ov e wi t h y ou, " s he ac c us ed, k eepi ng her voi c e
l ow.
" I t hi nk s o, t oo, " I c onf i ded.
" And how do y ou f eel about hi m?" She onl y poor l y c onc eal ed t he r agi ng
c ur i os i t y i n her v oi c e.
I s i ghed, l ook i ng away . As muc h as I l ov ed my mom, t hi s was not a
c onv er s at i on I want ed t o hav e wi t h her . " I ' m pr et t y c r az y about hi m. "
Ther e — t hat s ounded l i k e s omet hi ng a t eenager wi t h her f i r s t boy f r i end
mi ght s ay .
" Wel l , he s eems v er y ni c e, and, my goodnes s , he' s i nc r edi bl y
good- l ook i ng, but y ou' r e s o y oung, Bel l a…" Her v oi c e was uns ur e; as f ar
as I c oul d r emember , t hi s was t he f i r s t t i me s i nc e I was ei ght t hat s he' d
c ome c l os e t o t r y i ng t o s ound l i ke a par ent al aut hor i t y . I r ec ogni z ed t he
r eas onabl e- but - f i r m t one of v oi c e f r om t al k s I ' d had wi t h her about men.
" I k now t hat , Mom. Don' t wor r y about i t . I t ' s j us t a c r us h, " I s oot hed
her .
" That ' s r i ght , " s he agr eed, eas i l y pl eas ed.
Then s he s i ghed and gl anc ed gui l t i l y ov er her s houl der at t he bi g, r ound
c l oc k on t he wal l .
" Do y ou need t o go?"
She bi t her l i p. " Phi l ' s s uppos ed t o c al l i n a l i t t l e whi l e… I di dn' t
k now y ou wer e goi ng t o wak e up…"
" No pr obl em, Mom. " I t r i ed t o t one down t he r el i ef s o s he woul dn' t get
her f eel i ngs hur t . " I won' t be al one. "
" I ' l l be bac k s oon. I ' v e been s l eepi ng her e, y ou k now, " s he announc ed,
pr oud of her s el f .
" Oh, Mom, y ou don' t hav e t o do t hat ! You c an s l eep at home — I ' l l nev er
not i c e. " The s wi r l of pai nk i l l er s i n my br ai n was mak i ng i t har d t o
c onc ent r at e ev en now, t hough, appar ent l y , I ' d been s l eepi ng f or day s .
" I was t oo ner v ous , " s he admi t t ed s heepi s hl y . " Ther e' s been s ome cr i me i n
t he nei ghbor hood, and I don' t l i ke bei ng t her e al one. "
" Cr i me?" I as k ed i n al ar m.
" Someone br ok e i nt o t hat danc e s t udi o ar ound t he c or ner f r om t he hous e
and bur ned i t t o t he gr ound — t her e' s not hi ng l ef t at al l ! And t hey l ef t
a s t ol en c ar r i ght out f r ont . Do y ou r emember when y ou us ed t o danc e
t her e, honey ?"
" I r emember . " I s hi v er ed, and wi nc ed.
" I c an s t ay , baby , i f y ou need me. "
" No, Mom, I ' l l be f i ne. Edwar d wi l l be wi t h me. "
She l ook ed l i k e t hat mi ght be why s he want ed t o s t ay . " I ' l l be back
t oni ght . " I t s ounded as muc h l i k e a war ni ng as i t s ounded l i k e a pr omi s e,
and s he gl anc ed at Edwar d agai n as s he s ai d i t .
" I l ov e y ou, Mom. "
" I l ov e y ou, t oo, Bel l a. Tr y t o be mor e c ar ef ul when y ou wal k , honey , I
don' t want t o l os e y ou. "
Edwar d' s ey es s t ay ed c l os ed, but a wi de gr i n f l as hed ac r os s hi s f ac e.
A nur s e c ame bus t l i ng i n t hen t o c hec k al l my t ubes and wi r es . My mot her
k i s s ed my f or ehead, pat t ed my gauz e- wr apped hand, and l ef t .
The nur s e was c hec k i ng t he paper r eadout on my hear t moni t or .
" Ar e y ou f eel i ng anx i ous , honey ? Your hear t r at e got a l i t t l e hi gh t her e. "
" I ' m f i ne, " I as s ur ed her .
" I ' l l t el l y our RN t hat y ou' r e awak e. She' l l be i n t o s ee y ou i n a
mi nut e. "
As s oon as s he c l os ed t he door , Edwar d was at my s i de.
" You s t ol e a c ar ?" I r ai s ed my eyebr ows .
He s mi l ed, unr epent ant . " I t was a good c ar , v er y f as t . "
" How was y our nap?" I as k ed.
" I nt er es t i ng. " Hi s ey es nar r owed.
" What ?"
He l ook ed down whi l e he ans wer ed. " I ' m s ur pr i s ed. I t hought Fl or i da… and
y our mot her … wel l , I t hought t hat ' s what y ou woul d want . "
I s t ar ed at hi m unc ompr ehendi ngl y. " But y ou' d be s t uc k i ns i de al l day i n
Fl or i da. You' d onl y be abl e t o c ome out at ni ght , j us t l i k e a r eal
v ampi r e. "
He al mos t s mi l ed, but not qui t e. And t hen hi s f ac e was gr av e. " I woul d
s t ay i n For k s , Bel l a. Or s omewher e l i k e i t , " he ex pl ai ned. " Somepl ac e
wher e I c oul dn' t hur t y ou any mor e. "
I t di dn' t s i nk i n at f i r s t . I c ont i nued t o s t ar e at hi m bl ank l y as t he
wor ds one by one c l i c k ed i nt o pl ac e i n my head l i k e a ghas t l y puz zl e. I
was bar el y c ons c i ous of t he s ound of my hear t ac c el er at i ng, t hough, as my
br eat hi ng bec ame hy per v ent i l at i on, I was awar e of t he s har p ac hi ng i n my
pr ot es t i ng r i bs .
He di dn' t s ay any t hi ng; he wat c hed my f ac e war i l y as t he pai n t hat had
not hi ng t o do wi t h br ok en bones , pai n t hat was i nf i ni t el y wor s e,
t hr eat ened t o c r us h me.
And t hen anot her nur s e wal k ed pur pos ef ul l y i nt o t he r oom. Edwar d sat
s t i l l as s t one as s he t ook i n my ex pr es s i on wi t h a pr ac t i c ed ey e bef or e
t ur ni ng t o t he moni t or s .
" Ti me f or mor e pai n meds , s weet hear t ?" s he as k ed k i ndl y , t appi ng t he I V
f eed.
" No, no, " I mumbl ed, t r y i ng t o k eep t he agony out of my v oi c e. " I don' t
need any t hi ng. " I c oul dn' t af f or d t o c l os e my ey es now.
" No need t o be br av e, honey . I t ' s bet t er i f y ou don' t get t oo s t r es s ed
out ; y ou need t o r es t . " She wai t ed, but I j us t s hook my head.
" Ok ay , " s he s i ghed. " Hi t t he c al l but t on when y ou' r e r eady . "
She gav e Edwar d a s t er n l ook , and t hr ew one mor e anx i ous gl anc e at t he
mac hi ner y , bef or e l eav i ng.
Hi s c ool hands wer e on my f ac e; I s t ar ed at hi m wi t h wi l d ey es .
" Shhh, Bel l a, c al m down. "
" Don' t l eav e me, " I begged i n a br ok en v oi c e.
" I won' t , " he pr omi s ed. " Now r el ax bef or e I c al l t he nur s e bac k t o s edat e
y ou. "
But my hear t c oul dn' t s l ow.
" Bel l a. " He s t r ok ed my f ac e anx i ous l y . " I ' m not goi ng any wher e. I ' l l be
r i ght her e as l ong as y ou need me. "
" Do y ou s wear y ou won' t l eav e me?" I whi s per ed. I t r i ed t o c ont r ol t he
gas pi ng, at l eas t . My r i bs wer e t hr obbi ng.
He put hi s hands on ei t her s i de of my f ac e and br ought hi s f ac e c l os e t o
mi ne. Hi s ey es wer e wi de and s er i ous . " I s wear . "
The s mel l of hi s br eat h was s oot hi ng. I t s eemed t o eas e t he ac he of my
br eat hi ng. He c ont i nued t o hol d my gaz e whi l e my body s l owl y r el axed and
t he beepi ng r et ur ned t o a nor mal pac e. Hi s ey es wer e dar k , c l os er t o
bl ac k t han gol d t oday .
" Bet t er ?" he as k ed.
" Yes , " I s ai d c aut i ous l y .
He s hook hi s head and mut t er ed s omet hi ng uni nt el l i gi bl e. I t hought I
pi c k ed out t he wor d " ov er r eac t i on. "
" Why di d y ou s ay t hat ?" I whi s per ed, t r y i ng t o k eep my v oi c e f r om
s hak i ng. " Ar e y ou t i r ed of hav i ng t o s av e me al l t he t i me? Do y ou want me
t o go away ?"
" No, I don' t want t o be wi t hout you, Bel l a, of c our s e not . Be r at i onal .
And I hav e no pr obl em wi t h s av i ng y ou, ei t her — i f i t wer en' t f or t he
f ac t t hat I was t he one put t i ng you i n danger … t hat I ' m t he r eas on t hat
y ou' r e her e. "
" Yes , y ou ar e t he r eas on. " I f r owned. " The r eas on I ' m her e — al i v e. "
" Bar el y . " Hi s v oi c e was j us t a whi s per . " Cov er ed i n gauz e and pl ast er and
har dl y abl e t o mov e. "
" I was n' t r ef er r i ng t o my mos t r ec ent near - deat h ex per i enc e, " I s ai d,
gr owi ng i r r i t at ed. " I was t hi nk i ng of t he ot her s — y ou c an t ak e y our
pi c k . I f i t wer en' t f or y ou, I woul d be r ot t i ng away i n t he For k s
c emet er y . "
He wi nc ed at my wor ds , but t he haunt ed l ook di dn' t l eav e hi s ey es .
" That ' s not t he wor s t par t , t hough, " he c ont i nued t o whi s per . He ac t ed as
i f I hadn' t s pok en. " Not s eei ng you t her e on t he f l oor … c r umpl ed and
br ok en. " Hi s v oi c e was c hok ed. " Not t hi nk i ng I was t oo l at e. Not ev en
hear i ng y ou s c r eam i n pai n — al l t hos e unbear abl e memor i es t hat I ' l l
c ar r y wi t h me f or t he r es t of et er ni t y . No, t he v er y wor s t was f eel i ng…
k nowi ng t hat I c oul dn' t s t op. Bel i ev i ng t hat I was goi ng t o k i l l you
my s el f . "
" But y ou di dn' t . "
" I c oul d hav e. So eas i l y . "
I k new I needed t o s t ay c al m… but he was t r y i ng t o t al k hi ms el f i nt o
l eav i ng me, and t he pani c f l ut t er ed i n my l ungs , t r y i ng t o get out .
" Pr omi s e me, " I whi s per ed.
" What ?"
" You k now what . " I was s t ar t i ng t o get angr y now. He was s o s t ubbor nl y
det er mi ned t o dwel l on t he negat i v e.
He hear d t he c hange i n my t one. Hi s ey es t i ght ened. " I don' t s eem t o be
s t r ong enough t o s t ay away f r om you, s o I s uppos e t hat y ou' l l get y our
way … whet her i t k i l l s y ou or not , " he added r oughl y .
" Good. " He hadn' t pr omi s ed, t hough — a f ac t t hat I had not mi s s ed. The
pani c was onl y bar el y c ont ai ned; I had no s t r engt h l ef t t o c ont r ol t he
anger . " You t ol d me how y ou s t opped… now I want t o k now why , " I demanded.
" Why ?" he r epeat ed war i l y .
" Why y ou di d i t . Why di dn' t y ou j us t l et t he v enom s pr ead? By now I woul d
be j us t l i k e y ou. "
Edwar d' s ey es s eemed t o t ur n f l at bl ac k , and I r emember ed t hat t hi s was
s omet hi ng he' d nev er i nt ended me t o k now. Al i c e mus t hav e been
pr eoc c upi ed by t he t hi ngs s he' d l ear ned about her s el f … or s he' d been v er y
c ar ef ul wi t h her t hought s ar ound hi m — c l ear l y , he' d had no i dea t hat
s he' d f i l l ed me i n on t he mec hani c s of v ampi r e c onv er s i ons . He was
s ur pr i s ed, and i nf ur i at ed. Hi s nos t r i l s f l ar ed, hi s mout h l ook ed as i f i t
was c hi s el ed f r om s t one.
He was n' t goi ng t o ans wer , t hat muc h was c l ear .
" I ' l l be t he f i r s t t o admi t t hat I hav e no ex per i enc e wi t h
r el at i ons hi ps , " I s ai d. " But i t j us t s eems l ogi c al … a man and woman hav e
t o be s omewhat equal … as i n, one of t hem c an' t al way s be s woopi ng i n and
s av i ng t he ot her one. They hav e t o s av e eac h ot her equal l y . "
He f ol ded hi s ar ms on t he s i de of my bed and r es t ed hi s c hi n on hi s ar ms .
Hi s ex pr es s i on was s moot h, t he anger r ei ned i n. Ev i dent l y he' d deci ded he
was n' t angr y wi t h me. I hoped I ' d get a c hanc e t o war n Al i c e bef or e he
c aught up wi t h her .
" You hav e s av ed me, " he s ai d qui et l y .
" I c an' t al way s be Loi s Lane, " I i ns i s t ed. " I want t o be Super man, t oo. "
" You don' t k now what y ou' r e as k i ng. " Hi s v oi c e was s of t ; he s t ar ed
i nt ent l y at t he edge of t he pi l l owc as e.
" I t hi nk I do. "
" Bel l a, y ou don' t k now. I ' v e had al mos t ni net y y ear s t o t hi nk about t hi s ,
and I ' m s t i l l not s ur e. "
" Do y ou wi s h t hat Car l i s l e hadn' t s av ed y ou?"
" No, I don' t wi s h t hat . " He paus ed bef or e c ont i nui ng. " But my l i f e was
ov er . I was n' t gi v i ng any t hi ng up. "
" You ar e my l i f e. You' r e t he onl y t hi ng i t woul d hur t me t o l os e. " I was
get t i ng bet t er at t hi s . I t was eas y t o admi t how muc h I needed hi m.
He was v er y c al m, t hough. Dec i ded.
" I c an' t do i t , Bel l a. I won' t do t hat t o y ou. "
" Why not ?" My t hr oat r as ped and t he wor ds wer en' t as l oud as I ' d meant
t hem t o be. " Don' t t el l me i t ' s t oo har d! Af t er t oday , or I gues s i t was
a f ew day s ago… any way , af t er t hat , i t s houl d be not hi ng. "
He gl ar ed at me.
" And t he pai n?" he as k ed.
I bl anc hed. I c oul dn' t hel p i t . But I t r i ed t o k eep my ex pr es s i on f r om
s howi ng how c l ear l y I r emember ed t he f eel i ng… t he f i r e i n my v ei ns.
" That ' s my pr obl em, " I s ai d. " I can handl e i t . "
" I t ' s pos s i bl e t o t ak e br av er y t o t he poi nt wher e i t bec omes i ns ani t y . "
" I t ' s not an i s s ue. Thr ee day s . Bi g deal . "
Edwar d gr i mac ed agai n as my wor ds r emi nded hi m t hat I was mor e i nf or med
t han he had ev er i nt ended me t o be. I wat c hed hi m r epr es s t he anger ,
wat c hed as hi s ey es gr ew s pec ul at i v e.
" Char l i e?" he as k ed c ur t l y . " Renée?"
Mi nut es pas s ed i n s i l enc e as I s t r uggl ed t o ans wer hi s ques t i on. I opened
my mout h, but no s ound c ame out . I c l os ed i t agai n. He wai t ed, and hi s
ex pr es s i on bec ame t r i umphant bec aus e he k new I had no t r ue ans wer .
" Look , t hat ' s not an i s s ue ei t her , " I f i nal l y mut t er ed; my v oi c e was as
unc onv i nc i ng as i t al way s was when I l i ed. " Renée has al way s made t he
c hoi c es t hat wor k f or her — s he' d want me t o do t he s ame. And Char l i e' s
r es i l i ent , he' s us ed t o bei ng on hi s own. I c an' t t ak e c ar e of t hem
f or ev er . I hav e my own l i f e t o l i v e. "
" Ex ac t l y , " he s napped. " And I won' t end i t f or y ou. "
" I f y ou' r e wai t i ng f or me t o be on my deat hbed, I ' v e got news f or y ou! I
was j us t t her e! "
" You' r e goi ng t o r ec ov er , " he r emi nded me.
I t ook a deep br eat h t o c al m my s el f , i gnor i ng t he s pas m of pai n i t
t r i gger ed. I s t ar ed at hi m, and he s t ar ed bac k . Ther e was no c ompr omi s e
i n hi s f ac e.
" No, " I s ai d s l owl y . " I ' m not . "
Hi s f or ehead c r eas ed. " Of c our s e y ou ar e. You may hav e a s c ar or t wo…"
" You' r e wr ong, " I i ns i s t ed. " I ' m goi ng t o di e. "
" Real l y , Bel l a. " He was anx i ous now. " You' l l be out of her e i n a f ew
day s . Two week at mos t . "
I gl ar ed at hi m. " I may not di e now… but I ' m goi ng t o di e s omet i me. Ev er y
mi nut e of t he day , I get c l os er . And I ' m goi ng t o get ol d. "
He f r owned as what I was s ay i ng sunk i n, pr es s i ng hi s l ong f i nger s t o hi s
t empl es and c l os i ng hi s ey es . " That ' s how i t ' s s uppos ed t o happen. How i t
s houl d happen. How i t woul d hav e happened i f I di dn' t ex i s t — and I
s houl dn' t ex i s t . "
I s nor t ed. He opened hi s ey es i n s ur pr i s e. " That ' s s t upi d. That ' s l i k e
goi ng t o s omeone who' s j us t won t he l ot t er y , t ak i ng t hei r money , and
s ay i ng, ' Look , l et ' s j us t go bac k t o how t hi ngs s houl d be. I t ' s bet t er
t hat way . ' And I ' m not buy i ng i t . "
" I ' m har dl y a l ot t er y pr i z e, " he gr owl ed.
" That ' s r i ght . You' r e muc h bet t er . "
He r ol l ed hi s ey es and s et hi s l i ps . " Bel l a, we' r e not hav i ng t hi s
di s c us s i on any mor e. I r ef us e t o damn y ou t o an et er ni t y of ni ght and
t hat ' s t he end of i t . "
" I f y ou t hi nk t hat ' s t he end, t hen y ou don' t k now me v er y wel l , " I war ned
hi m. " You' r e not t he onl y v ampi r e I k now. "
Hi s ey es went bl ac k agai n. " Al i c e woul dn' t dar e. "
And f or a moment he l ook ed s o f r i ght eni ng t hat I c oul dn' t hel p but
bel i ev e i t — I c oul dn' t i magi ne someone br av e enough t o c r os s hi m.
" Al i c e al r eady s aw i t , di dn' t s he?" I gues s ed. " That ' s why t he t hi ngs s he
s ay s ups et y ou. She k nows I ' m goi ng t o be l i k e y ou… s omeday . "
" She' s wr ong. She al s o s aw y ou dead, but t hat di dn' t happen, ei t her . "
" You' l l nev er c at c h me bet t i ng agai ns t Al i c e. "
We s t ar ed at eac h ot her f or a v er y l ong t i me. I t was qui et ex c ept f or t he
whi r r i ng of t he mac hi nes , t he beepi ng, t he dr i ppi ng, t he t i c k i ng of t he
bi g c l oc k on t he wal l . Fi nal l y , hi s ex pr es s i on s of t ened.
" So wher e does t hat l eav e us ?" I wonder ed.
He c huc k l ed humor l es s l y . " I bel i ev e i t ' s c al l ed an i mpas s e. "
I s i ghed. " Ouc h, " I mut t er ed.
" How ar e y ou f eel i ng?" he as k ed, ey ei ng t he but t on f or t he nur s e.
" I ' m f i ne, " I l i ed.
" I don' t bel i ev e y ou, " he s ai d gent l y .
" I ' m not goi ng bac k t o s l eep. "
" You need r es t . Al l t hi s ar gui ng i s n' t good f or y ou. "
" So gi v e i n, " I hi nt ed.
" Ni c e t r y . " He r eac hed f or t he but t on.
" No! "
He i gnor ed me.
" Yes ?" t he s peak er on t he wal l s quawk ed.
" I t hi nk we' r e r eady f or mor e pai n medi c at i on, " he s ai d c al ml y , i gnor i ng
my f ur i ous ex pr es s i on.
" I ' l l s end i n t he nur s e. " The v oi c e s ounded v er y bor ed.
" I won' t t ak e i t , " I pr omi s ed.
He l ook ed t owar d t he s ac k of f l ui ds hangi ng bes i de my bed. " I don' t t hi nk
t hey ' r e goi ng t o as k y ou t o s wal l ow any t hi ng. "
My hear t r at e s t ar t ed t o c l i mb. He r ead t he f ear i n my ey es , and si ghed
i n f r us t r at i on.
" Bel l a, y ou' r e i n pai n. You need t o r el ax s o y ou c an heal . Why ar e y ou
bei ng s o di f f i c ul t ? They ' r e not goi ng t o put any mor e needl es i n you now. "
" I ' m not af r ai d of t he needl es , " I mumbl ed. " I ' m af r ai d t o c l os e my ey es . "
Then he s mi l ed hi s c r ook ed s mi l e, and t ook my f ac e bet ween hi s hands . " I
t ol d y ou I ' m not goi ng any wher e. Don' t be af r ai d. As l ong as i t mak es y ou
happy , I ' l l be her e. "
I s mi l ed bac k , i gnor i ng t he ac he i n my c heek s . " You' r e t al k i ng about
f or ev er , y ou k now. "
" Oh, y ou' l l get ov er i t — i t ' s j us t a c r us h. "
I s hook my head i n di s bel i ef — i t made me di z z y . " I was s hoc k ed when Renée
s wal l owed t hat one. I k now y ou k now bet t er . "
" That ' s t he beaut i f ul t hi ng about bei ng human, " he t ol d me. " Thi ngs
c hange. "
My ey es nar r owed. " Don' t hol d y our br eat h. "
He was l aughi ng when t he nur s e c ame i n, br andi s hi ng a s y r i nge.
" Ex c us e me, " s he s ai d br us quel y t o Edwar d.
He got up and c r os s ed t o t he end of t he s mal l r oom, l eani ng agai nst t he
wal l . He f ol ded hi s ar ms and wai t ed. I k ept my ey es on hi m, s t i l l
appr ehens i v e. He met my gaz e c al ml y .
" Her e y ou go, honey . " The nur s e smi l ed as s he i nj ec t ed t he medi c i ne i nt o
my t ube. " You' l l f eel bet t er now. "
" Thank s , " I mumbl ed, unent hus i as t i c . I t di dn' t t ak e l ong. I c oul d f eel
t he dr ows i nes s t r i c k l i ng t hr ough my bl oods t r eam al mos t i mmedi at el y.
" That ought t o do i t , " s he mut t er ed as my ey el i ds dr ooped.
She mus t hav e l ef t t he r oom, bec aus e s omet hi ng c ol d and s moot h t ouc hed my
f ac e.
" St ay . " The wor d was s l ur r ed.
" I wi l l , " he pr omi s ed. Hi s v oi c e was beaut i f ul , l i k e a l ul l aby . " Li k e I
s ai d, as l ong as i t mak es y ou happy … as l ong as i t ' s what ' s bes t f or y ou. "
I t r i ed t o s hak e my head, but i t was t oo heav y . " ' S not t he s ame t hi ng, "
I mumbl ed.
He l aughed. " Don' t wor r y about t hat now, Bel l a. You c an ar gue wi t h me
when y ou wak e up. "
I t hi nk I s mi l ed. ' " Kay . "
I c oul d f eel hi s l i ps at my ear .
" I l ov e y ou, " he whi s per ed.
" Me, t oo. "
" I k now, " he l aughed qui et l y .
I t ur ned my head s l i ght l y … s ear c hi ng. He k new what I was af t er . Hi s l i ps
t ouc hed mi ne gent l y .
" Thank s , " I s i ghed.
" Any t i me. "
I was n' t r eal l y t her e at al l any mor e. But I f ought agai ns t t he s t upor
weak l y . Ther e was j us t one mor e t hi ng I want ed t o t el l hi m.
" Edwar d?" I s t r uggl ed t o pr onounce hi s name c l ear l y .
" Yes ?"
" I ' m bet t i ng on Al i c e, " I mumbl ed.
And t hen t he ni ght c l os ed ov er me.
===========================================================================

EPI LOGUE: AN OCCASI ON

Edwar d hel ped me i nt o hi s c ar , bei ng v er y c ar ef ul of t he wi s ps of s i l k

and c hi f f on, t he f l ower s he' d j ust pi nned i nt o my el abor at el y s t y l ed
c ur l s , and my bul k y wal k i ng c as t . He i gnor ed t he angr y s et of my mout h.
When he had me s et t l ed, he got i n t he dr i v er ' s s eat and headed back out
t he l ong, nar r ow dr i v e.
" At what poi nt ex ac t l y ar e y ou goi ng t o t el l me what ' s goi ng on?" I as k ed
gr umpi l y . I r eal l y hat ed s ur pr i s es . And he k new t hat .
" I ' m s hoc k ed t hat y ou hav en' t f i gur ed i t out y et . " He t hr ew a moc ki ng
s mi l e i n my di r ec t i on, and my br eat h c aught i n my t hr oat . Woul d I ev er
get us ed t o hi s per f ec t i on?
" I di d ment i on t hat y ou l ook ed v er y ni c e, di dn' t I ?" I v er i f i ed.
" Yes . " He gr i nned agai n. I ' d nev er s een hi m dr es s i n bl ac k bef or e, and,
wi t h t he c ont r as t agai ns t hi s pal e s k i n, hi s beaut y was abs ol ut el y
s ur r eal . That muc h I c oul dn' t deny , ev en i f t he f ac t t hat he was wear i ng
a t ux edo made me v er y ner v ous .
Not qui t e as ner v ous as t he dr es s. Or t he s hoe. Onl y one s hoe, as my
ot her f oot was s t i l l s ec ur el y encas ed i n pl as t er . But t he s t i l et t o heel ,
hel d on onl y by s at i n r i bbons , c er t ai nl y was n' t goi ng t o hel p me as I
t r i ed t o hobbl e ar ound.
" I ' m not c omi ng ov er any mor e i f Al i c e i s goi ng t o t r eat me l i k e Gui nea
Pi g Bar bi e when I do, " I gr i ped. I ' d s pent t he bet t er par t of t he day i n
Al i c e' s s t agger i ngl y v as t bat hr oom, a hel pl es s v i c t i m as s he pl ay ed
hai r dr es s er and c os met i c i an. Whenev er I f i dget ed or c ompl ai ned, s he
r emi nded me t hat s he di dn' t hav e any memor i es of bei ng human, and as k ed
me not t o r ui n her v i c ar i ous f un. Then s he' d dr es s ed me i n t he most
r i di c ul ous dr es s — deep bl ue, f r i l l y and of f t he s houl der s , wi t h Fr enc h
t ags I c oul dn' t r ead — a dr es s mor e s ui t abl e f or a r unway t han For k s .
Not hi ng good c oul d c ome of our f or mal at t i r e, of t hat I was s ur e. Unl es s …
but I was af r ai d t o put my s us pi ci ons i nt o wor ds , ev en i n my own head.
I was di s t r ac t ed t hen by t he s ound of a phone r i ngi ng. Edwar d pul l ed hi s
c el l phone f r om a poc k et i ns i de hi s j ac k et , l ook i ng br i ef l y at t he c al l er
I D bef or e ans wer i ng.
" Hel l o, Char l i e, " he s ai d war i l y .
" Char l i e?" I f r owned.
Char l i e had been… di f f i c ul t s i nc e my r et ur n t o For k s . He had
c ompar t ment al i z ed my bad ex per i enc e i nt o t wo def i ned r eac t i ons . Towar d
Car l i s l e he was al mos t wor s hi pf ul l y gr at ef ul . On t he ot her hand, he was
s t ubbor nl y c onv i nc ed t hat Edwar d was at f aul t — bec aus e, i f not f or hi m,
I woul dn' t hav e l ef t home i n t he f i r s t pl ac e. And Edwar d was f ar f r om
di s agr eei ng wi t h hi m. Thes e day s I had r ul es t hat hadn' t ex i s t ed bef or e:
c ur f ews … v i s i t i ng hour s .
Somet hi ng Char l i e was s ay i ng made Edwar d' s ey es wi den i n di s bel i ef , and
t hen a gr i n s pr ead ac r os s hi s f ace.
" You' r e k i ddi ng! " He l aughed.
" What i s i t ?" I demanded.
He i gnor ed me. " Why don' t y ou l et me t al k t o hi m?" Edwar d s ugges t ed wi t h
ev i dent pl eas ur e. He wai t ed f or a f ew s ec onds .
" Hel l o, Ty l er , t hi s i s Edwar d Cul l en. " Hi s v oi c e was v er y f r i endl y, on
t he s ur f ac e. I k new i t wel l enough t o c at c h t he s of t edge of menace. What
was Ty l er doi ng at my hous e? The awf ul t r ut h began t o dawn on me. I
l ook ed agai n at t he i nappr opr i at e dr es s Al i c e had f or c ed me i nt o.
" I ' m s or r y i f t her e' s been s ome ki nd of mi s c ommuni c at i on, but Bel l a i s
unav ai l abl e t oni ght . " Edwar d' s t one c hanged, and t he t hr eat i n hi s v oi c e
was s uddenl y muc h mor e ev i dent as he c ont i nued. " To be per f ec t l y hones t ,
s he' l l be unav ai l abl e ev er y ni ght , as f ar as any one bes i des my s el f i s
c onc er ned. No of f ens e. And I ' m s or r y about y our ev eni ng. " He di dn' t s ound
s or r y at al l . And t hen he s napped t he phone s hut , a huge s mi r k on hi s
f ac e.
My f ac e and nec k f l us hed c r i ms on wi t h anger . I c oul d f eel t he
r age- i nduc ed t ear s s t ar t i ng t o f i l l my ey es .
He l ook ed at me i n s ur pr i s e. " Was t hat l as t par t a bi t t oo muc h? I di dn' t
mean t o of f end y ou. "
I i gnor ed t hat .
" You' r e t ak i ng me t o t he pr om! " I y el l ed.
I t was embar r as s i ngl y obv i ous now. I f I ' d been pay i ng any at t ent i on at
al l , I ' m s ur e I woul d hav e not i c ed t he dat e on t he pos t er s t hat dec or at ed
t he s c hool bui l di ngs . But I ' d never dr eamed he was t hi nk i ng of s ubj ec t i ng
me t o t hi s . Di dn' t he k now me at al l ?
He was n' t ex pec t i ng t he f or c e of my r eac t i on, t hat was c l ear . He pr es s ed
hi s l i ps t oget her and hi s ey es nar r owed. " Don' t be di f f i c ul t , Bel l a. "
My ey es f l as hed t o t he wi ndow; we wer e hal f way t o t he s c hool al r eady .
" Why ar e y ou doi ng t hi s t o me?" I demanded i n hor r or .
He ges t ur ed t o hi s t ux edo. " Honest l y , Bel l a, what di d y ou t hi nk we wer e
doi ng?"
I was mor t i f i ed. Fi r s t , bec aus e I ' d mi s s ed t he obv i ous . And al s o bec aus e
t he v ague s us pi c i ons — ex pec t at i ons , r eal l y — t hat I ' d been f or mi ng al l
day , as Al i c e t r i ed t o t r ans f or m me i nt o a beaut y queen, wer e s o f ar wi de
of t he mar k . My hal f - f ear f ul hopes s eemed v er y s i l l y now.
I ' d gues s ed t her e was s ome k i nd of oc c as i on br ewi ng. But pr om! That was
t he f ur t hes t t hi ng f r om my mi nd.
The angr y t ear s r ol l ed ov er my c heek s . I r emember ed wi t h di s may t hat I
was v er y unc har ac t er i s t i c al l y wear i ng mas c ar a. I wi ped qui c k l y under my
ey es t o pr ev ent any s mudges . My hand was unbl ac k ened when I pul l ed i t
away ; may be Al i c e had k nown I woul d need wat er pr oof mak eup.
" Thi s i s c ompl et el y r i di c ul ous . Why ar e y ou c r y i ng?" he demanded i n
f r us t r at i on.
" Bec aus e I ' m mad! "
" Bel l a. " He t ur ned t he f ul l f or c e of hi s s c or c hi ng gol den ey es on me.
" What ?" I mut t er ed, di s t r ac t ed.
" Humor me, " he i ns i s t ed.
Hi s ey es wer e mel t i ng al l my f ur y. I t was i mpos s i bl e t o f i ght wi t h hi m
when he c heat ed l i k e t hat . I gav e i n wi t h poor gr ac e.
" Fi ne, " I pout ed, unabl e t o gl ar e as ef f ec t i v el y as I woul d hav e l i k ed.
" I ' l l go qui et l y . But y ou' l l s ee. I ' m way ov er due f or mor e bad l uck . I ' l l
pr obabl y br eak my ot her l eg. Look at t hi s s hoe! I t ' s a deat h t r ap! " I
hel d out my good l eg as ev i denc e.
" Hmmm. " He s t ar ed at my l eg l onger t han was nec es s ar y . " Remi nd me t o
t hank Al i c e f or t hat t oni ght . "
" Al i c e i s goi ng t o be t her e?" That c omf or t ed me s l i ght l y .
" Wi t h J as per , and Emmet t … and Rosal i e, " he admi t t ed.
The f eel i ng of c omf or t di s appear ed. Ther e had been no pr ogr es s wi t h
Ros al i e, t hough I was on qui t e good t er ms wi t h her s omet i mes - hus band.
Emmet t enj oy ed hav i ng me ar ound — he t hought my bi z ar r e human r eact i ons
wer e hi l ar i ous … or may be i t was j us t t he f ac t t hat I f el l down a l ot t hat
he f ound s o f unny . Ros al i e ac t ed as i f I di dn' t ex i s t . Whi l e I s hook my
head t o di s pel t he di r ec t i on my t hought s had t ak en, I t hought of
s omet hi ng el s e.
" I s Char l i e i n on t hi s ?" I as k ed, s uddenl y s us pi c i ous .
" Of c our s e. " He gr i nned, and t hen c huc k l ed. " Appar ent l y Ty l er was n' t ,
t hough. "
I gr i t t ed my t eet h. How Ty l er c oul d be s o del us i onal , I c oul dn' t i magi ne.
At s c hool , wher e Char l i e c oul dn' t i nt er f er e, Edwar d and I wer e
i ns epar abl e — ex c ept f or t hos e r ar e s unny day s .
We wer e at t he s c hool now; Ros al i e' s r ed c onv er t i bl e was c ons pi c uous i n
t he par k i ng l ot . The c l ouds wer e t hi n t oday , a f ew s t r eak s of s unl i ght
es c api ng t hr ough f ar away i n t he wes t .
He got out and wal k ed ar ound t he c ar t o open my door . He hel d out hi s
hand.
I s at s t ubbor nl y i n my s eat , ar ms f ol ded, f eel i ng a s ec r et t wi nge of
s mugnes s . The l ot was c r owded wi t h peopl e i n f or mal dr es s : wi t nes ses . He
c oul dn' t r emov e me f or c i bl y f r om t he c ar as he mi ght hav e i f we' d been
al one.
He s i ghed. " When s omeone want s t o k i l l y ou, y ou' r e br av e as a l i on — and
t hen when s omeone ment i ons danc i ng…" He s hook hi s head.
I gul ped. Danc i ng.
" Bel l a, I won' t l et any t hi ng hur t y ou — not ev en y our s el f . I won' t l et go
of y ou onc e, I pr omi s e. "
I t hought about t hat and s uddenl y f el t muc h bet t er . He c oul d s ee t hat i n
my f ac e.
" Ther e, now, " he s ai d gent l y , " i t won' t be s o bad. " He l eaned down and
wr apped one ar m ar ound my wai s t . I t ook hi s ot her hand and l et hi m l i f t
me f r om t he c ar .
He k ept hi s ar m t i ght l y ar ound me, s uppor t i ng me as I l i mped t owar d t he
s c hool .
I n Phoeni x , t hey hel d pr oms i n hot el bal l r ooms . Thi s danc e was i n t he
gy m, of c our s e. I t was pr obabl y t he onl y r oom i n t own bi g enough f or a
danc e. When we got i ns i de, I gi ggl ed. Ther e wer e ac t ual bal l oon ar c hes
and t wi s t ed gar l ands of pas t el c r epe paper f es t ooni ng t he wal l s .
" Thi s l ook s l i k e a hor r or mov i e wai t i ng t o happen, " I s ni c k er ed.
" Wel l , " he mut t er ed as we s l owl y appr oac hed t he t i c k et t abl e — he was
c ar r y i ng mos t of my wei ght , but I s t i l l had t o s huf f l e and wobbl e my f eet
f or war d — " t her e ar e mor e t han enough v ampi r es pr es ent . "
I l ook ed at t he danc e f l oor ; a wi de gap had f or med i n t he c ent er of t he
f l oor , wher e t wo c oupl es whi r l ed gr ac ef ul l y . The ot her danc er s pr es s ed t o
t he s i des of t he r oom t o gi v e t hem s pac e — no one want ed t o s t and i n
c ont r as t wi t h s uc h r adi anc e. Emmet t and J as per wer e i nt i mi dat i ng and
f l awl es s i n c l as s i c t ux edos . Al i ce was s t r i k i ng i n a bl ac k s at i n dr es s
wi t h geomet r i c c ut out s t hat bar ed l ar ge t r i angl es of her s nowy whi t e
s k i n. And Ros al i e was … wel l , Ros al i e. She was bey ond bel i ef . Her vi v i d
s c ar l et dr es s was bac k l es s , t i ght t o her c al v es wher e i t f l ar ed i nt o a
wi de r uf f l ed t r ai n, wi t h a nec k l i ne t hat pl unged t o her wai s t . I pi t i ed
ev er y gi r l i n t he r oom, my s el f i nc l uded.
" Do y ou want me t o bol t t he door s s o y ou c an mas s ac r e t he uns us pect i ng
t owns f ol k ?" I whi s per ed c ons pi r at or i al l y .
" And wher e do y ou f i t i nt o t hat sc heme?" He gl ar ed.
" Oh, I ' m wi t h t he v ampi r es , of c our s e. "
He s mi l ed r el uc t ant l y . " Any t hi ng t o get out of danc i ng. "
" Any t hi ng. "
He bought our t i c k et s , t hen t ur ned me t owar d t he danc e f l oor . I c r i nged
agai ns t hi s ar m and dr agged my f eet .
" I ' v e got al l ni ght , " he war ned.
Ev ent ual l y he t owed me out t o wher e hi s f ami l y was t wi r l i ng el egant l y —
i f i n a s t y l e t ot al l y uns ui t abl e t o t he pr es ent t i me and mus i c . I wat c hed
i n hor r or .
" Edwar d. " My t hr oat was s o dr y I c oul d onl y manage a whi s per . " I hones t l y
c an' t danc e! " I c oul d f eel t he pani c bubbl i ng up i ns i de my c hes t .
" Don' t wor r y , s i l l y , " he whi s per ed bac k . " I c an. " He put my ar ms ar ound
hi s nec k and l i f t ed me t o s l i de hi s f eet under mi ne.
And t hen we wer e whi r l i ng, t oo.
" I f eel l i k e I ' m f i v e y ear s ol d, " I l aughed af t er a f ew mi nut es of
ef f or t l es s wal t z i ng.
" You don' t l ook f i v e, " he mur mur ed, pul l i ng me c l os er f or a s ec ond, s o
t hat my f eet wer e br i ef l y a f oot f r om t he gr ound.
Al i c e c aught my ey e on a t ur n and s mi l ed i n enc our agement — I s mi l ed
bac k . I was s ur pr i s ed t o r eal i z e t hat I was ac t ual l y enj oy i ng my s el f … a
l i t t l e.
" Ok ay , t hi s i s n' t hal f bad, " I admi t t ed.
But Edwar d was s t ar i ng t owar d t he door s , and hi s f ac e was angr y .
" What i s i t ?" I wonder ed al oud. I f ol l owed hi s gaz e, di s or i ent ed by t he
s pi nni ng, but f i nal l y I c oul d s ee what was bot her i ng hi m. J ac ob Bl ac k ,
not i n a t ux , but i n a l ong- s l eeved whi t e s hi r t and t i e, hi s hai r
s moot hed bac k i nt o hi s us ual ponyt ai l , was c r os s i ng t he f l oor t owar d us .
Af t er t he f i r s t s hoc k of r ec ogni t i on, I c oul dn' t hel p but f eel bad f or
J ac ob. He was c l ear l y unc omf or t abl e — ex c r uc i at i ngl y s o. Hi s f ac e was
apol oget i c as hi s ey es met mi ne.
Edwar d s nar l ed v er y qui et l y .
" Behav e! " I hi s s ed.
Edwar d' s v oi c e was s c at hi ng. " He want s t o c hat wi t h y ou. "
J ac ob r eac hed us t hen, t he embar r as s ment and apol ogy ev en mor e ev i dent on
hi s f ac e.
" Hey , Bel l a, I was hopi ng y ou woul d be her e. " J ac ob s ounded l i k e he' d
been hopi ng t he ex ac t oppos i t e. But hi s s mi l e was j us t as war m as ev er .
" Hi , J ac ob. " I s mi l ed bac k . " What ' s up?"
" Can I c ut i n?" he as k ed t ent at i vel y , gl anc i ng at Edwar d f or t he f i r s t
t i me. I was s hoc k ed t o not i c e t hat J ac ob di dn' t hav e t o l ook up. He mus t
hav e gr own hal f a f oot s i nc e t he f i r s t t i me I ' d s een hi m.
Edwar d' s f ac e was c ompos ed, hi s ex pr es s i on bl ank . Hi s onl y ans wer was t o
s et me c ar ef ul l y on my f eet , and t ak e a s t ep bac k .
" Thank s , " J ac ob s ai d ami abl y .
Edwar d j us t nodded, l ook i ng at me i nt ent l y bef or e he t ur ned t o wal k away .
J ac ob put hi s hands on my wai s t , and I r eac hed up t o put my hands on hi s
s houl der s .
" Wow, J ak e, how t al l ar e y ou now?"
He was s mug. " Si x - t wo. "
We wer en' t r eal l y danc i ng — my l eg made t hat i mpos s i bl e. I ns t ead we
s way ed awk war dl y f r om s i de t o s i de wi t hout mov i ng our f eet . I t was j us t
as wel l ; t he r ec ent gr owt h s pur t had l ef t hi m l ook i ng gangl y and
unc oor di nat ed, he was pr obabl y no bet t er a danc er t han I was .
" So, how di d y ou end up her e t oni ght ?" I as k ed wi t hout t r ue c ur i osi t y .
Cons i der i ng Edwar d' s r eac t i on, I c oul d gues s .
" Can y ou bel i ev e my dad pai d me t went y buc k s t o c ome t o y our pr om?" he
admi t t ed, s l i ght l y as hamed.
" Yes , I c an, " I mut t er ed. " Wel l , I hope y ou' r e enj oy i ng y our s el f , at
l eas t . Seen any t hi ng y ou l i k e?" I t eas ed, noddi ng t owar d a gr oup of gi r l s
l i ned up agai ns t t he wal l l i k e pas t el c onf ec t i ons .
" Yeah, " he s i ghed. " But s he' s t aken. "
He gl anc ed down t o meet my c ur i ous gaz e f or j us t a s ec ond — t hen we bot h
l ook ed away , embar r as s ed.
" You l ook r eal l y pr et t y , by t he way , " he added s hy l y .
" Um, t hank s . So why di d Bi l l y pay y ou t o c ome her e?" I as k ed qui c kl y ,
t hough I k new t he ans wer .
J ac ob di dn' t s eem gr at ef ul f or t he s ubj ec t c hange; he l ook ed away ,
unc omf or t abl e agai n. " He s ai d i t was a ' s af e' pl ac e t o t al k t o y ou. I
s wear t he ol d man i s l os i ng hi s mi nd. "
I j oi ned i n hi s l aught er weak l y .
" Any way , he s ai d t hat i f I t ol d you s omet hi ng, he woul d get me t hat
mas t er c y l i nder I need, " he c onf es s ed wi t h a s heepi s h gr i n.
" Tel l me, t hen. I want y ou t o get y our c ar f i ni s hed. " I gr i nned bac k . At
l eas t J ac ob di dn' t bel i ev e any of t hi s . I t made t he s i t uat i on a bi t
eas i er . Agai ns t t he wal l , Edwar d was wat c hi ng my f ac e, hi s own f ace
ex pr es s i onl es s . I s aw a s ophomor e i n a pi nk dr es s ey ei ng hi m wi t h t i mi d
s pec ul at i on, but he di dn' t s eem t o be awar e of her .
J ac ob l ook ed away agai n, as hamed. " Don' t get mad, ok ay ?"
" Ther e' s no way I ' l l be mad at y ou, J ac ob, " I as s ur ed hi m. " I won' t ev en
be mad at Bi l l y . J us t s ay what y ou hav e t o. "
" Wel l — t hi s i s s o s t upi d, I ' m s or r y , Bel l a — he want s y ou t o br eak up
wi t h y our boy f r i end. He as k ed me t o t el l y ou ' pl eas e. ' " He s hook hi s head
i n di s gus t .
" He' s s t i l l s uper s t i t i ous , eh?"
" Yeah. He was … k i nd of ov er t he t op when y ou got hur t down i n Phoeni x . He
di dn' t bel i ev e…" J ac ob t r ai l ed of f s el f - c ons c i ous l y .
My ey es nar r owed. " I f el l . "
" I k now t hat , " J ac ob s ai d qui c k l y.
" He t hi nk s Edwar d had s omet hi ng t o do wi t h me get t i ng hur t . " I t was n' t a
ques t i on, and des pi t e my pr omi s e, I was angr y .
J ac ob woul dn' t meet my ey es . We wer en' t ev en bot her i ng t o s way t o t he
mus i c , t hough hi s hands wer e s t i l l on my wai s t , and mi ne ar ound hi s nec k .
" Look , J ac ob, I k now Bi l l y pr obabl y won' t bel i ev e t hi s , but j us t so y ou
k now" — he l ook ed at me now, r es pondi ng t o t he new ear nes t nes s i n my
v oi c e — " Edwar d r eal l y di d s av e my l i f e. I f i t wer en' t f or Edwar d and hi s
f at her , I ' d be dead. "
" I k now, " he c l ai med, but he s ounded l i k e my s i nc er e wor ds had af f ec t ed
hi m s ome. May be he' d be abl e t o conv i nc e Bi l l y of t hi s muc h, at l eas t .
" Hey , I ' m s or r y y ou had t o c ome do t hi s , J ac ob, " I apol ogi z ed. " At any
r at e, y ou get y our par t s , r i ght ?"
" Yeah, " he mut t er ed. He was s t i l l l ook i ng awk war d… ups et .
" Ther e' s mor e?" I as k ed i n di s bel i ef .
" For get i t , " he mumbl ed, " I ' l l get a j ob and s av e t he money my s el f . "
I gl ar ed at hi m unt i l he met my gaz e. " J us t s pi t i t out , J ac ob. "
" I t ' s s o bad. "
" I don' t c ar e. Tel l me, " I i ns i s t ed.
" Ok ay … but , geez , t hi s s ounds bad. " He s hook hi s head. " He s ai d t o t el l
y ou, no, t o war n y ou, t hat — and t hi s i s hi s pl ur al , not mi ne" — he
l i f t ed one hand f r om my wai s t and made l i t t l e quot at i ons mar k s i n t he ai r
— ' " We' l l be wat c hi ng. ' " He wat c hed war i l y f or my r eac t i on.
I t s ounded l i k e s omet hi ng f r om a maf i a mov i e. I l aughed out l oud.
" Sor r y y ou had t o do t hi s , J ak e, " I s ni c k er ed.
" I don' t mi nd t hat muc h. " He gr i nned i n r el i ef . Hi s ey es wer e appr ai s i ng
as t hey r ak ed qui c k l y ov er my dr es s . " So, s houl d I t el l hi m y ou s ai d t o
but t t he hel l out ?" he as k ed hopef ul l y .
" No, " I s i ghed. " Tel l hi m I s ai d t hank s . I k now he means wel l . "
The s ong ended, and I dr opped my ar ms .
Hi s hands hes i t at ed at my wai s t , and he gl anc ed at my bum l eg. " Do y ou
want t o danc e agai n? Or c an I hel p y ou get s omewher e?"
Edwar d ans wer ed f or me. " That ' s al l r i ght , J ac ob. I ' l l t ak e i t f r om her e. "
J ac ob f l i nc hed, and s t ar ed wi de- ey ed at Edwar d, who s t ood j us t besi de us .
" Hey , I di dn' t s ee y ou t her e, " he mumbl ed. " I gues s I ' l l s ee y ou ar ound,
Bel l a. " He s t epped bac k , wav i ng hal f hear t edl y .
I s mi l ed. " Yeah, I ' l l s ee y ou l at er . "
" Sor r y , " he s ai d agai n bef or e he t ur ned f or t he door .
Edwar d' s ar ms wound ar ound me as t he nex t s ong s t ar t ed. I t was a l i t t l e
up- t empo f or s l ow danc i ng, but t hat di dn' t s eem t o c onc er n hi m. I l eaned
my head agai ns t hi s c hes t , c ont ent .
" Feel i ng bet t er ?" I t eas ed.
" Not r eal l y , " he s ai d t er s el y .
" Don' t be mad at Bi l l y , " I s i ghed. " He j us t wor r i es about me f or
Char l i e' s s ak e. I t ' s not hi ng per sonal . "
" I ' m not mad at Bi l l y , " he c or r ect ed i n a c l i pped v oi c e. " But hi s s on i s
i r r i t at i ng me. "
I pul l ed bac k t o l ook at hi m. Hi s f ac e was v er y s er i ous .
" Why ?"
" Fi r s t of al l , he made me br eak my pr omi s e. "
I s t ar ed at hi m i n c onf us i on.
He hal f - s mi l ed. " I pr omi s ed I woul dn' t l et go of y ou t oni ght , " he
ex pl ai ned.
" Oh. Wel l , I f or gi v e y ou. "
" Thank s . But t her e' s s omet hi ng el s e. " Edwar d f r owned.
I wai t ed pat i ent l y .
" He c al l ed y ou pr et t y , " he f i nal l y c ont i nued, hi s f r own deepeni ng.
" That ' s pr ac t i c al l y an i ns ul t , t he way y ou l ook r i ght now. You' r e muc h
mor e t han beaut i f ul . "
I l aughed. " You mi ght be a l i t t l e bi as ed. "
" I don' t t hi nk t hat ' s i t . Bes i des, I hav e ex c el l ent ey es i ght . "
We wer e t wi r l i ng agai n, my f eet on hi s as he hel d me c l os e.
" So ar e y ou goi ng t o ex pl ai n t he r eas on f or al l of t hi s ?" I wonder ed.
He l ook ed down at me, c onf us ed, and I gl ar ed meani ngf ul l y at t he cr epe
paper .
He c ons i der ed f or a moment , and t hen c hanged di r ec t i on, s pi nni ng me
t hr ough t he c r owd t o t he bac k door of t he gy m. I c aught a gl i mps e of
J es s i c a and Mi k e danc i ng, s t ar i ng at me c ur i ous l y . J es s i c a wav ed, and I
s mi l ed bac k qui c k l y . Angel a was t her e, t oo, l ook i ng bl i s s f ul l y happy i n
t he ar ms of l i t t l e Ben Cheney ; s he di dn' t l ook up f r om hi s ey es , a head
l ower t han her s . Lee and Samant ha, Laur en, gl ar i ng t owar d us , wi t h
Conner ; I c oul d name ev er y f ac e t hat s pi r al ed pas t me. And t hen we wer e
out door s , i n t he c ool , di m l i ght of a f adi ng s uns et .
As s oon as we wer e al one, he s wung me up i nt o hi s ar ms , and c ar r i ed me
ac r os s t he dar k gr ounds t i l l he r eac hed t he benc h beneat h t he s hadow of
t he madr one t r ees . He s at t her e, k eepi ng me c r adl ed agai ns t hi s c hes t .
The moon was al r eady up, v i s i bl e t hr ough t he gauz y c l ouds , and hi s f ac e
gl owed pal e i n t he whi t e l i ght . Hi s mout h was har d, hi s ey es t r oubl ed.
" The poi nt ?" I pr ompt ed s of t l y .
He i gnor ed me, s t ar i ng up at t he moon.
" Twi l i ght , agai n, " he mur mur ed. " Anot her endi ng. No mat t er how per f ec t
t he day i s , i t al way s has t o end. "
" Some t hi ngs don' t hav e t o end, " I mut t er ed t hr ough my t eet h, i ns t ant l y
t ens e.
He s i ghed.
" I br ought y ou t o t he pr om, " he sai d s l owl y , f i nal l y ans wer i ng my
ques t i on, " bec aus e I don' t want you t o mi s s any t hi ng. I don' t want my
pr es enc e t o t ak e any t hi ng away f r om y ou, i f I c an hel p i t . I want y ou t o
be human. I want y our l i f e t o c ont i nue as i t woul d hav e i f I ' d di ed i n
ni net een- ei ght een l i k e I s houl d hav e. "
I s hudder ed at hi s wor ds , and t hen s hook my head angr i l y . " I n what
s t r ange par al l el di mens i on woul d I ev er hav e gone t o pr om of my own f r ee
wi l l ? I f y ou wer en' t a t hous and t i mes s t r onger t han me, I woul d nev er
hav e l et y ou get away wi t h t hi s . "
He s mi l ed br i ef l y , but i t di dn' t t ouc h hi s ey es . " I t was n' t s o bad, y ou
s ai d s o y our s el f . "
" That ' s bec aus e I was wi t h y ou. "
We wer e qui et f or a mi nut e; he s t ar ed at t he moon and I s t ar ed at hi m. I
wi s hed t her e was s ome way t o ex pl ai n how v er y uni nt er es t ed I was i n a
nor mal human l i f e.
" Wi l l y ou t el l me s omet hi ng?" he as k ed, gl anc i ng down at me wi t h a s l i ght
s mi l e.
" Don' t I al way s ?"
" J us t pr omi s e y ou' l l t el l me, " he i ns i s t ed, gr i nni ng.
I k new I was goi ng t o r egr et t hi s al mos t i ns t ant l y . " Fi ne. "
" You s eemed hones t l y s ur pr i s ed when y ou f i gur ed out t hat I was t aki ng y ou
her e, " he began.
" I was , " I i nt er j ec t ed.
" Ex ac t l y , " he agr eed. " But y ou mus t hav e had s ome ot her t heor y … I ' m
c ur i ous — what di d y ou t hi nk I was dr es s i ng y ou up f or ?"
Yes , i ns t ant r egr et . I pur s ed my l i ps , hes i t at i ng. " I don' t want t o t el l
y ou. "
" You pr omi s ed, " he obj ec t ed.
" I k now. "
" What ' s t he pr obl em?"
I k new he t hought i t was mer e embar r as s ment hol di ng me bac k . " I t hi nk i t
wi l l mak e y ou mad — or s ad. "
Hi s br ows pul l ed t oget her ov er hi s ey es as he t hought t hat t hr ough. " I
s t i l l want t o k now. Pl eas e?"
I s i ghed. He wai t ed.
" Wel l … I as s umed i t was s ome k i nd of … oc c as i on. But I di dn' t t hi nk i t
woul d be s ome t r i t e human t hi ng… pr om! " I s c of f ed.
" Human?" he as k ed f l at l y . He' d pi c k ed up on t he k ey wor d.
I l ook ed down at my dr es s , f i dget i ng wi t h a s t r ay pi ec e of c hi f f on. He
wai t ed i n s i l enc e.
" Ok ay , " I c onf es s ed i n a r us h. " So I was hopi ng t hat y ou mi ght have
c hanged y our mi nd… t hat y ou wer e goi ng t o c hange me, af t er al l . "
A doz en emot i ons pl ay ed ac r os s hi s f ac e. Some I r ec ogni z ed: anger … pai n…
and t hen he s eemed t o c ol l ec t hi ms el f and hi s ex pr es s i on bec ame amus ed.
" You t hought t hat woul d be a bl ack t i e oc c as i on, di d y ou?" he t eased,
t ouc hi ng t he l apel of hi s t ux edo j ac k et .
I s c owl ed t o hi de my embar r as s ment . " I don' t k now how t hes e t hi ngs wor k .
To me, at l eas t , i t s eems mor e r at i onal t han pr om does . " He was s t i l l
gr i nni ng. " I t ' s not f unny , " I s ai d.
" No, y ou' r e r i ght , i t ' s not , " he agr eed, hi s s mi l e f adi ng. " I ' d r at her
t r eat i t l i k e a j ok e, t hough, t han bel i ev e y ou' r e s er i ous . "
" But I am s er i ous . "
He s i ghed deepl y . " I k now. And y ou' r e r eal l y t hat wi l l i ng?"
The pai n was bac k i n hi s ey es . I bi t my l i p and nodded.
" So r eady f or t hi s t o be t he end, " he mur mur ed, al mos t t o hi ms el f , " f or
t hi s t o be t he t wi l i ght of y our l i f e, t hough y our l i f e has bar el y
s t ar t ed. You' r e r eady t o gi v e up ev er y t hi ng. "
" I t ' s not t he end, i t ' s t he begi nni ng, " I di s agr eed under my br eat h.
" I ' m not wor t h i t , " he s ai d s adl y.
" Do y ou r emember when y ou t ol d me t hat I di dn' t s ee my s el f v er y c l ear l y ?"
I as k ed, r ai s i ng my ey ebr ows . " You obv i ous l y hav e t he s ame bl i ndnes s . "
" I k now what I am. "
I s i ghed.
But hi s mer c ur i al mood s hi f t ed on me. He pur s ed hi s l i ps , and hi s ey es
wer e pr obi ng. He ex ami ned my f ac e f or a l ong moment .
" You' r e r eady now, t hen?" he as k ed.
" Um. " I gul ped. " Yes ?"
He s mi l ed, and i nc l i ned hi s head s l owl y unt i l hi s c ol d l i ps br us hed
agai ns t t he s k i n j us t under t he cor ner of my j aw.
" Ri ght now?" he whi s per ed, hi s br eat h bl owi ng c ool on my nec k . I shi v er ed
i nv ol unt ar i l y .
" Yes , " I whi s per ed, s o my v oi c e woul dn' t hav e a c hanc e t o br eak . I f he
t hought I was bl uf f i ng, he was goi ng t o be di s appoi nt ed. I ' d al r eady made
t hi s dec i s i on, and I was s ur e. I t di dn' t mat t er t hat my body was r i gi d as
a pl ank , my hands bal l ed i nt o f i st s , my br eat hi ng er r at i c…
He c huc k l ed dar k l y , and l eaned away . Hi s f ac e di d l ook di s appoi nt ed.
" You c an' t r eal l y bel i ev e t hat I woul d gi v e i n s o eas i l y , " he s ai d wi t h a
s our edge t o hi s moc k i ng t one.
" A gi r l c an dr eam. "
Hi s ey ebr ows r os e. " I s t hat what y ou dr eam about ? Bei ng a mons t er ?"
" Not ex ac t l y , " I s ai d, f r owni ng at hi s wor d c hoi c e. Mons t er , i ndeed.
" Mos t l y I dr eam about bei ng wi t h y ou f or ev er . "
Hi s ex pr es s i on c hanged, s of t ened and s addened by t he s ubt l e ac he i n my
v oi c e.
" Bel l a. " Hi s f i nger s l i ght l y t r aced t he s hape of my l i ps . " I wi l l s t ay
wi t h y ou — i s n' t t hat enough?"
I s mi l ed under hi s f i nger t i ps . " Enough f or now. "
He f r owned at my t enac i t y . No one was goi ng t o s ur r ender t oni ght . He
ex hal ed, and t he s ound was pr ac t i c al l y a gr owl .
I t ouc hed hi s f ac e. " Look , " I s ai d. " I l ov e y ou mor e t han ev er y t hi ng el s e
i n t he wor l d c ombi ned. I s n' t t hat enough?"
" Yes , i t i s enough, " he ans wer ed, s mi l i ng. " Enough f or f or ev er . "
And he l eaned down t o pr es s hi s col d l i ps onc e mor e t o my t hr oat .
===========================================================================

Ac k nowl edgment s

A huge t hank y ou t o:
my par ent s , St ev e and Candy ,
f or a l i f et i me of l ov e and s uppor t , S
f or r eadi ng gr eat book s t o me when I was y oung,
and f or s t i l l hol di ng my hand t hr ough t he
t hi ngs t hat mak e me ner v ous ;
my hus band, Panc ho, and my s ons , Gabe, Set h, and El i ,
f or s har i ng me s o of t en wi t h my i magi nar y f r i ends ;
my f r i ends at Wr i t er s Hous e,
Genev i ev e Gagne- Hawes , f or gi v i ng me t hat f i r s t c hanc e,
and my agent J odi Reamer , f or t ur ni ng t he mos t
unl i k el y dr eams i nt o r eal i t i es ;
my edi t or Megan Ti ngl ey , f or al l her hel p i n
mak i ng Twi l i ght bet t er t han i t s t ar t ed out ;
my br ot her s , Paul and J ac ob, f or t hei r ex per t adv i c e on al l
my aut omot i v e ques t i ons ; and my onl i ne f ami l y ,
t he t al ent ed s t af f and wr i t er s at f ans of r eal i t y t v . c om,
par t i c ul ar l y Ki mber l y " Shaz z er , " and Col l i n " Mant enna"
f or t he enc our agement , adv i c e,
and i ns pi r at i on.