Listen closely (By Nicole Okonkwo)

I’m beginning to lose it. The hope, the love, the people and the
memories holding my wrecked heart together. I don’t get it anymore, it
seems as though I have a side of me that keeps tormenting my desire for
peace and happiness. All I ever asked was for you to stay with me, for
the sun and the moon to watch us talk till they got tired of waiting. For
your unusual laughter to fill my sides with discomfort from giggling so
hard that tears streamed down my cheeks.
I miss our conversations about my strange taste in boys and the things
you would say to ensure we had nearly equal confidence levels. But, at
the end of the day, it pains me greatly that you never got to see me grow.
For you to discover that the girl whose mind was once dominated by
confusion and exhaustion has left this world, and that a bright and
confident young woman emerged from the same body.
Maybe if I had been more observant and less self-absorbed, I would
have noticed that you were also in need of love and was drowning in
pain and silence. Why did you have to leave me?... feeling both shocked
and responsible for the news that you had taken your life. I regret
making you feel like only my emotions mattered and you couldn’t talk
to me about the things you had to go through alone. Maybe it wasn’t so
much about listening but being listened to.