Dcc1 SHB 16.02.08 Final Sent

Devotee Care Education
Course Material
STUDENT HANDBOOK
Devotee Care Course One
“Responsibly Meeting Our Needs”
The International Society for Krishna Consciousness

Founder-Acharya: His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada
Student Handbook, Devotee Care Course One
“Responsibly Meeting Our Needs”
Copyright  2016 Devotee Care Committee
Published by the Devotee Care Committee (under the auspices of the ISKCON GBC).
Address: Hare Krishna Land, Hare Krishna Road, Tirupati -07, Andhra Pradesh, India
Website: www.devoteecareiskcon
Tel: +91 (0)865-108108 Fax: +91 (0)865-108108
Email: info@devoteecareiskcon.com
First Draft Edition, 8th February 2016
Price (excluding cost of delivery) UK £6.00 USA $12.00 India RS200

CONTENTS
Page
Introduction
Welcome and Course Schedule 2
Lesson Notes and Worksheets
Lesson 1: “The Foundations of Devotee Care” 3

Lesson 2: “Meeting Our Own Needs” 8
Lesson 3: “Caring Inner Dialogue” 17
Lesson 4: “Caring in the Real World” 23
Appendices
Appendix 1 – Mandate for Devotee Care 26

Appendix 2 – Quotes on Devotee Care 31
Appendix 3 – A Lexicon of Emotions 32
Appendix 4 – Devotee Care Resources 34
1|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Welcome and Course Schedule
Dear Devotee
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada
Welcome to Course and to your Student’s Handbook, which you’ll use during the course. In here,
you’ll find concise notes on many aspects of Devotee Care, not only useful during the course but
afterwards as well. Therefore, please look after this booklet, perhaps putting your name on the
front to avoid losing it.
If you have any queries, do approach one of the course tutors. Thank you.
Rasamandala Das
On Behalf of the Writing Team
Atul Krsna Das, Bhakta Michael, Laxmimoni dd and Vraja-lila
Introduction
Awaiting
Please note: this booklet is a draft version; attendees for pilot courses can request an electronic
copy of the first completed edition, scheduled for November 2016.
Course Schedule
Distribution of Materials and Kirtan (15 mins) 9.45 -1.00

Lesson 1 “The Foundations of Devotee Care” (75 mins)
Lesson 2 “Meeting our Own Needs” (90 mins)
Lesson 3 “Nurturing a Caring Inner Dialogue” (90 mins) 3.00 - 6.00
Lesson 4 “Caring in the Real World” (75 mins)
Notes:
The times listed in the right-hand column are recommendations only and may be
amended by the tutors/organisers. .

Lesson 1
Worksheet 1.1: “My Hopes, Fears and Needs”

Please complete the following 3 questions in about 4 minutes (as requested by the tutor). You
will need to be brisk! If you don’t understand the task, please ask the tutor personally (rather
than troubling the other students.) Thank you.
1. What are some of your fears or negative expectations of this course?

What are you worried might happen, possibly due to previous experience?
e.g. “boring lectures that practically demonstrate eternity”
2. Write down some of your hopes or positive expectations of this course

For example, you might consider some reasons you came to this particular course.
e.g. “discussion which is really relevant to my own life”
3. Looking at your answers above, what needs do you have (i.e. to which these relate).
Consider that you do have legitimate needs, which a caring tutor will anticipate
e.g. “Respect for my time, which for me is really valuable.”
Pair Exercise:
You might use the space below to record some details about your colleague/partner for this
exercise. This will help you to introduce them.

Lesson 1
Course Specifications
1. Audience:
Devotees interested in devotee care, and in setting a good example by assimilating it into their
own lives.
The ideal or average number = 24 (with a minimum of 16 and a maximum of 32).
2. Duration of Course:
6 hours allocated to 4 lessons, normally over 1 day
3. Course Aims:
To raise awareness of the importance of ‘Devotee Care’ and to help students apply its broad
principles to their personal lives.
4. Course Outcomes:
By the end of the course, students will be able to:
(1) Concisely define ‘Devotee Care’, its scope and purpose.

(2) Justify the importance of responsibility, in respect of:
(a) Fully looking after one’s own life
(b) Appropriately seeking help
(c) Duly extending care to others.
(3) Explain theoretical frameworks1 linked to:
(a) The language of ‘needs’
(b) Emotional literacy 2
(c) Framing appropriate requests
(4) Apply the corresponding introspective skills.
(5) Evaluate the role of introspection in developing:
(a) Self-awareness and a positive self-image
(b) Awareness of ‘inner-life’3 and ‘inner-dialogue’
(c) Enhanced communications and relationships with others
(6) Formulate a personal plan for applying a holistic approach to caring for
(a) one’s self (b) others
5. Assessment:
Students are assessed only on their (full) attendance, and receive an attendance certificate.
1
For example, the ‘Non-violent communications’ of Marshall Rosenberg.
2
I.e. The ability (with attendant vocabulary) to express and converse about emotions and related phenomena.
3
Including perceptions, reflections and expectations.

Lesson 1
Norms for Caring Classroom Behaviour
Facilitators and students are requested to follow the eight norms, as listed below. These are
integral to styles of learning and teaching that demonstrate ‘responsible care’.
1. All students are present for the entire course.
2. No-one borrows strength from status or position.
3. We value all contributions (whether or not we agree).
4. We demonstrate loyalty to the group and its members

(especially by observing confidentiality within and beyond the classroom).
5. We each accept full responsibility for success (i.e. in achieving our stated outcomes).
6. We confront (a) issues (b) behaviour (not the people behind them).
7. We honour any agreement reached.
8. We respect the right of the individual to withdraw from any exercise

(that makes him/her feel unduly uncomfortable, without stating reasons).
You may wish to make further notes in the box below:

Lesson 1
Defining ‘Devotee Care’
This page has been taken from document called ‘the Mandate for Devotee Care’. The full version
can be found in Appendix 1 (on page 27).
2.1 Vision
Every devotee is spiritually happy and materially well-situated, positively identifying with
ISKCON as a caring Society. Each devotee (a) responsibly looks after his or her diverse needs
(b) can easily and successfully seek qualified help within the Society, and (c) wholeheartedly
extends that care to others.
2.2 Mission
We strive to:
(1) Ensure that the Vaishnava virtue of care pervades all aspects of the ISKCON Society.
(2) Support and provide specific care services that enhance the spiritual, emotional, physical
and social well-being of all ISKCON members.
2.3 Services
We aim to:
1. Assist leadership in embedding a culture of care throughout the Society.4
2. Encourage all ISKCON centres, projects and departments to apply the principles of care.
3. Support projects that directly offer devotee care, within (a) defined areas, and (b) specified
membership groups (see Section xx).
4. Promote the establishment of further projects, as needed.
5. Further the above purposes by:
(a) Providing advice, support, training and education
(b) Maintaining a database of information and resources
(c) Conducting relevant research
(d) Publishing and circulating Devotee Care literature
(e) Organising and facilitating personnel, teams and networks.
Note for students: this course (the DDC1) is part of the educational provision referred to above in
Section 2.3, clause #5(a).
4
Both as a virtue and through corresponding polices, practices, systems and structures.

Lesson 1
2.4 The Definition and Scope of Devotee Care

‘Devotee Care’ is defined according to this mandate. Please note that:
1. It only indirectly includes outreach (see 2.2.1 above). Its focus is firmly on ‘devotees’.
2. Devotee Care does not refer to any one specific project or service, however important it
may be (e.g. Bhakti Vriksha, the counselling system).
3. Care is defined as both a virtue (value or quality) and a function (service). Although this
Vaishnava virtue should pervade all ISKCON activities, Devotee Care does not lay claim to
ISKCON’s entire mission. Rather, it works collaboratively with all other ISKCON centres,
projects and departments in order to (a) maintain focus on its own distinctive offerings (b)
encourage and support others to embrace its broad principles (see Section 2.2.)
4. There exist certain ‘grey areas’ (as may change with time). For example, research shows
that education is strongly linked to care, yet it has established itself as an autonomous
ISKCON ministry. The DC initiative recognises that some initiatives may start within its
direct purview and later become more independent and autonomous.
5. Although Devotee Care is offered on an institutional level, it also embraces and applauds
practices that are local and personal e.g. care within traditional family units.

Lesson 2
“What is Non-violent Communication?”
Nonviolent Communication5 (abbreviated NVC) is a communication process developed
by Marshall Rosenberg beginning in the 1960s.
It focuses on three aspects of communication:

1. Self-empathy (a deep, compassionate awareness of one's own inner experience)
2. Empathy (understanding and sharing an emotion expressed by another)
3. Honest self-expression (expressing oneself authentically in a way that is likely to inspire
compassion in others).
Nonviolent Communication is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen

our ability to have loving relationships even under trying conditions. NVC is the ‘Language of
Empathy’. When we are clear with others about what we observe, how we feel and what
needs of ours are being met or unmet, others can learn from the clarity of objective feedback.
The English language predisposes its speakers to judgment and blame. NVC can help us change
this tendency. In NVC, we acknowledge that the root of our feelings lies within us, not in the
situation or people around us.
Our feelings are connected to our own internal universal human needs. By identifying and
articulating our own needs, we take responsibility for our feelings. Needs, as defined in NVC,
are not desires, wants or wishes. These are universal human needs in that every person has the
same basic set of needs, although different needs may be more active in us from one moment to
the next. This fact fundamentally unifies us in our shared humanity.
Non-violent Communication appears to be highly aligned to Krishna consciousness, and specific

values such as empathy and ahimsa. According to Marion Little (2008), ‘Rosenberg
identified Mahatma Gandhi as an inspiration for the NVC model’. He also drew from key
psychologists such as Carl Rogers, Eric Fromm, George Albee and George Miller.
In order to show the differences between communication styles, Rosenberg used two animals.
The violent communication is represented by the carnivorous Jackal as a symbol of aggression
and dominance. The herbivorous Giraffe on the other hand, represents his NVC strategy - its
long neck symbolizing the clear-sighted speaker, aware of others’ reactions.
Please add your own notes in the space below:
5
Also called ‘Compassionate Communication’ or ‘Collaborative Communication’.

Lesson 2
Non-violent Communications: The Circle of Life
The following diagram shows a process that moves through four successive stages:
1. Observing without judgment
2. Identifying needs
3. Articulating feelings
4. Appropriately making a request.
Further Notes:

Lesson 2
Non-Violent Communications
List of Universal Needs
Needs are more than things we can't live without. They represent values, wants, desires
and preferences for a happier, more meaningful experience as a human (or spirit soul in a
human form.) Although we have different needs in varying amounts at different times, they
are universal in all of us. When they are met or unmet, we experience corresponding feelings.
1. CONNECTION 2. PLAY 5. MEANING

Acceptance Adventure Awareness
Affection Excitement Celebration
Appreciation Fun Challenge
Authenticity Humour Clarity
Belonging Joy Competence
Care Relaxation Consciousness
Closeness Stimulation Contribution
Communication Creativity
Communion Discovery
Community 3. PEACE Efficacy
Companionship Acceptance Effectiveness
Compassion Balance Growth
Consideration Beauty Integration
Empathy Communion Learning
Friendship Ease Mourning
Inclusion Equanimity Movement
Inspiration Faith Participation
Intimacy Harmony Presence
Love Hope Progress
Mutuality Order Purpose
Nurturing Peace-of-mind Self-expression
Partnership Space Stimulation
Presence Understanding
Respect/Self-respect
Security 4. PHYSICAL WELL-BEING 6. AUTONOMY
Self-Acceptance Air Choice
Self-Care Care Dignity
Self-Connection Food Freedom
Shared Reality Movement/exercise Independence
Stability Rest/sleep Self-Expression
Support Safety (protection from harm) Space
To know and be known Sexual expression Spontaneity
To see and be seen Shelter
Trust Touch
Understanding Water
Warmth
10 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Lesson 2
Initial Exploration: "Needs-based Awareness"
What are needs?'
- According the methodology of "Compassionate Communication" (more commonly known as
“Non-Violent Communication"), needs are ‘the resources life requires to sustain itself’.
We all have:
1. Physical Needs: air, water, food, rest, shelter, etc.
2. Emotional Needs: such as support, meaning, honesty, contribution,
understanding and appreciation.
3. Social Needs: such as adventure, recreation, fun, and association.
4. Spiritual Needs: such as love, service, happiness and nourishment.
Needs are universal, all people have the same needs regardless of nationality, religion, income,
education, and so on (though the ways/strategies they use to practically meet them may vary).
Quote from Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur in his ‘Sri Siksamrita’

“The secondary rules are of three types: rules regarding self; rules regarding society; rules
regarding the afterlife. Rules regarding the self are of two categories: those for the body and
those for the mind. Those rules to keep a person's body properly nourished so that they can
remain healthy are the bodily rules. Such things as regulated drinking, eating, sleeping,
exercise, and for sickness, prescriptions for cure, are bodily rules.
If people do not follow these rules, they cannot pass through life smoothly. If they do not
follow the mental rules, their power of realization, concentration, imagination, contemplation
and judgment will be weak and will not properly function. There will be no advancement in arts
and sciences, and moreover one will not be able to take the mind from material thoughts and
direct it to thoughts of God. As a result, sinful thoughts and atheistic attitude will dominate the
mind; finally a person will become no better than a beast. Therefore these bodily and mental
rules are very necessary for success in human life.”
Please add further notes below:

Lesson 2
‘Needs’ versus ‘Strategies’
There is a distinction between universal ‘needs’ and the ‘strategies’ we use to meet them.
Often, when debating or arguing, we focus too much of our pre-conceived strategies rather
than the base-line needs we share. Additionally, we can discern between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’.
Needs and Strategies

‘Need’ contains no reference to anybody taking any particular action.
‘Strategy’, on the other hand, refer to specific actions that specific people may take to meet a
need. We often confuse strategies (e.g., acquiring money, property, positional power) with
needs (e.g., autonomy, security, authentic power). Also, we tend to neglect to identify our
needs. We also tend to forget to notice whether or not our strategies are actually working in
meeting our needs.
Need: Something you have to have (in order to sustain yourself, or we could say ‘fulfil your
dharma’).
Needs range from basic survival needs (common to all human beings) to cultural, intellectual,
and social needs (which tend to vary according to place, age group, etc.). Basic needs include
food, shelter, clothing and health.
Needs and Wants

Wants: something you would like to have. For example, a palatial house, a sleek car and loads
of money. Materials desires represent a misguided strategy for meeting our needs.
‘Needs’ are finite but, in contrast, ‘wants’ (springing from desires and ambition) are boundless
(as suggested by the quotes below).
“If I were not satisfied with three paces of land, then surely I would not be satisfied even with
possessing one of the seven islands, consisting of nine varshas. Even if I possessed one island, I
would hope to get others. We have heard that although powerful kings like Maharaja Prithu
and Maharaja Gaya achieved proprietorship over the seven dvipas, they could not achieve
satisfaction or find the end of their ambitions.” (SB 8.19.22-23)
“Ill-weaved ambition, how much art thou shrunk!

When that this body did contain a spirit,
A kingdom for it was too small a bound,
But now two paces of the vilest earth
Is room enough.” (Henry Fourth, Part 2: Prince Harry to the slain Hotspur)

Lesson 2
The Role of Meeting Needs in Spiritual Life
Please use this page to write your own notes.
You might consider certain key questions, such as:
1. What are the differences between fulfilling needs and unwanted ‘desires’?
2. How do we differentiate between the two?
3. How does neglecting needs contribute (if at all) towards the process of KC?
4. What scriptural quotes/passages/stories are relevant here?
5. What was Srila Prabhupada’s example in this regard?
6. What are your personal experiences?

Lesson 2
Impediments to Meeting our Needs
The following are some key impediments to meeting our needs. The list is not exhaustive and
student can extend it, and/or consider their own personal challenges.
 We are not aware of needs language
 We have difficulty making space inside ourselves to accept our needs
 We mistake needs for selfish desires or wants
 We have an idea that needs are in competition
 We don't trust that we matter to others, so it is easier to give up and not speak up for
our needs.
 We have fears about our own needs getting met
 We are fearful that needs awareness is in conflict with our philosophical teachings.
 We get caught up in our emotions (feelings)
 We have not learned what to do when we have unmet needs
 We are convinced that others, including Krishna, will (should) fulfil our needs
 We have a lot of self-judgment and consequently cannot connect with our needs
 We may not have a support system to model needs awareness

Lesson 2
Worksheet 2.1: “Identifying My Needs”

Please complete the following five questions. Keep in mind that you have a total of 15 minutes
(hence aim to spend 2-3 minutes on each). Your answers here are important, as we will return
to them in Lesson 4.
As you do this, please consider your various needs, and how you are feeling about your current
lifestyle and sense of fulfilment. You might refer to information on the various ‘areas on care’,
as listed on page 29 of this Handbook. However, do not feel constrained by any particular
‘framework as you answer these five queries.
1. In which three areas are you doing well? i.e. you are meeting your needs. Write them down.
2. In which three areas are you doing poorly i.e. you feel you are not meeting your legitimate
needs.
3. In looking at the answers above (likely under #2), which areas are you possibly neglecting?
4. What are some of the feelings associated with your answers above? Make sure you identify
both positive and negative emotions. (For a comprehensive list, you might refer to Appendix 2
(especially if your emotional vocabulary is relatively small)
5. Looking at your answers to questions 1 and 2, make a note (below or next to the
corresponding entries you have written above) of the corresponding ‘universal needs’ (as
delineated on page 11).

Lesson 2
Worksheet 2.2: Evaluation of the Lesson
Please communicate how you are feeling by either (a) colouring in or otherwise amending the
appropriate blob-man (b) drawing yourself `(another blob man) in the same style somewhere
in the picture. If you’d rather use a different means of expression, please feel free to do that!

Lesson 3
The Role of Introspection in Spiritual Life
Introspection is a key element of Devotional Service. Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura recommends

that we use each Ekadashi day to reflect on our spiritual practices over the previous fortnight.
Without dedicating quality time to introspection, devotees may lose themselves in the busy-
ness of everyday service; there may be too much focus on externals.
Definition and Benefits of Introspection:

Introspection is a form of contemplation, a way of ‘looking inside of ourselves’.
Introspection helps us:
- to observe our thought patterns in the mind
- to connect with our thoughts and feelings.
- to evaluate our current state of consciousness and where we are in our K.C
Tools for Introspection:

1. Read scriptures and take quiet time to reflect on how the message applies to our
present state of consciousness.
2. Write a journal/diary
3. Take quiet time with ourselves to contemplate on our present state of consciousness.
4. Take quiet time to reflect on our interactions with others.
5. Speak to others to get honest feedback on their perception of us.
6. Introspect and reflect on what was offered and see how it applies to us and how it
can be used to assist us in our goal.
Please add further tools/notes below:

Lesson 3
Quotes on Introspection
Srimad Bhagavatam 3-9-22

Let the Supreme Lord be merciful towards me. He is the one friend and soul of all living entities
in the world, and He maintains all, for their ultimate happiness, by His six transcendental
opulences. May He be merciful towards me so that I, as before, may be empowered with the
introspection to create, for I am also one of the surrendered souls who are dear to the Lord.
Lecture on Bhagavad-Gita 2-62-72

Prabhupada: The introspective man who is after self-realization, he knows very well, "Suppose
if I do in future such and such big business, or such... I can construct such big skyscraper
house." But because he's introspective, he knows that "What I shall do with all these things? As
soon as I exit from the platform, everything remains here, and I take another form of body,
begins another life." That is introspection.
Bhaktivinoda Thakura
The secondary rules are of three types: rules regarding self; rules regarding society; rules
regarding the afterlife. Rules regarding the self are of two categories: those for the body and
those for the mind. Those rules to keep a person's body properly nourished so that they can
remain healthy are the bodily rules. Such things as regulated drinking, eating, sleeping,
exercise, and for sickness, prescriptions for cure, are bodily rules.
If people do not follow these rules, they cannot pass through life smoothly. If they do not
follow the mental rules, their power of realization, concentration, imagination, contemplation
and judgment will be weak and will not properly function. There will be no advancement in arts
and sciences, and moreover one will not be able to take the mind from material thoughts and
direct it to thoughts of God. As a result, sinful thoughts and atheistic attitude will dominate the
mind; finally a person will become no better than a beast. Therefore these bodily and mental
rules are very necessary for success in human life.
Light of the Bhagavat, Verse 3

Human beings have two kinds of temperament. Some are introspective, and the others are
extravagant. Those who are extravagant are enamoured of the external features of
phenomenal beauty and have no insight into the whole manifestation. They are practically
asleep to introspection, and thus they are unable to derive any permanent value from the
assets of the human form of body. But one who has developed introspection is as grave as the
sea. While those who are extravagant are calm and quiet in sleep, such grave persons use the
full advantage of the human form of life.
Although the animal propensities of the body should be minimized, those who are extravagant
temporarily overflow in material enjoyment. Nonetheless, as soon as the rainy season of life is
over, they become as dry as dry river beds. Life is meant for the right cause, or sat—that which
exists for all time. In the material world, nothing is sat, or eternal, but the bad bargain of the
material world can be used for the best purpose. The mind dedicated to extravagance is a bad
bargain, but one can make the best use of the mind by introspection.

Lesson 3
Making Appropriate Requests
‘Requests’ versus ‘Demands’

Requests: Requests are made using positive language, by stating what we are requesting
rather than what we are not. Requests have the following five characteristics:
(1) Doable: A request that is doable would most likely meet a person's need.
(2) Specificity: A request that is specific minimizes vague language. The clearer we are
about what we want, the more likely it is that we will get it.
(3) Immediacy: A request is something that can be done in the "now".
(4) Needs-related: A request refers to a "need."
(5) Willingness to hear 'No': When our awareness is on our "needs," not our "strategy",
we can hear "no" without worrying that our need will not be met. Being willing to hear
"no" gives us the ability to honour other people's need to exercise choice.
Demands: is when we want someone to do something, without awareness or consideration of

their needs (and their freedom to choose). "Demands" engender guilt, blame, shame, stress
submission, rebellion, criticism, judgment, and fear of consequences.
Two Types of Requests: ‘Connection’ and ‘Action’
(1) A "Connection Request" is intended to increase the "quality" of our connection with
others and ourselves. "Connection Requests” foster a level of connection that will most
likely keep the conversation in a compassionate, clear dialogue, to deepen understanding.
Samples:
 Would you tell me what you just heard?
 Having just heard what you said, can you tell me what is going on for you?
 Would you tell me your understanding of your feelings and needs?
 Would you be willing to know what's going on for me?
 Would you tell me how you are feeling about what I said?
 Would you be willing to spend some time talking about this?
(2) An "Action Request" helps us to know whether the listener is willing to take certain
actions that were recommended.
Samples:
 "I would like you to tell me if you would be willing to postpone our meeting for
one week."

Lesson 3
The Importance of Inner Dialogue
Everyone has an internal voice that chats away throughout the day. Usually, this voice reflects
how we really feel about ourselves, deep down. If we don't believe in our potential, we hear
thoughts of doubt. If we feel unworthy of appreciation, we hear words that place blame.
When your internal voice is critical and non-supporting, it does damage. The following list
outlines some of the negatives caused by our inner dialogue.
1. It compares you to other people.

2. It keeps your failures alive.
3. It sets standards that may be beyond your capacity.
4. It calls you names...like fat, stupid, lazy, clumsy, klutz, selfish, dumb, careless, and foolish.
Just one negative word could conjure up a whole history of images, to remind us of all the
mess-ups we have ever made. Such words or thoughts can also replay inside our heads in
another person's voice, such as that of a sibling, a harsh teacher or bully from childhood. At
times, these conjure up pictures in our minds. These mental images can become a mental
snap shot that tortures us, over and over again.
The number one problem with our critical inner dialogue is that it is so interwoven in our
thoughts that we often don't realize that we are talking to ourselves in negative ways.
The second problem is, we almost always believe our critical inner dialogue. Even when
someone tells us something to the contrary, we usually hold our own internal voice as the
highest truth, the supreme authority.
Five Tools for Developing Supportive Inner Dialogue

1. Become Aware: Practice introspection. Question yourself, "Why am I thinking in this way?"
"What am I feeling and what am I needing?"
2. Change your language: Rewrite the script in your mind. Get in the habit of using self-
empowering words instead of self-defeating words; for example:
Old Script: “I am such a fool for not having communication skills.”
New Script: “I am grateful that I can learn communication skills in my organization”.
Don't worry if you don't believe what you are saying at first. Within a few weeks you will, with
practice. Give yourself the gift of patience and time.
3. Enlist Support: Many times we are unaware of what we are feeling and needing. This
indicates we need the help of someone we trust and can spend time with. We might ask that
person to remind us when we use a word or phrase that is self-defeating. It won't take long
before we catch the phrases yourself. This is an excellent tool to use if we are having trouble
noticing our negative inner-dialogue.

Lesson 3
4. Stop talking in absolutes: Your critical inner dialogue almost always talk in absolutes--"You
always...."Every time.... "You never...." These are rarely true and disempower us from changing.
5. Use the ‘best friend’ tool: Let's say your best friend came to you criticizing him or herself
about making a mistake.
Would you tell your best friend, “Yep, you sure blew it this time! You should definitely feel
guilty! You will be unhappy about this for a long time."
Probably not; you would most likely reassure your friend that ‘everyone make mistakes; it is
only human, and they can be corrected.’
The point is to become your own best friend and provide reassurance and positive perspective,
(understanding your feelings and your needs) to help yourself through difficult situations.
Towards better Inner dialogue

Learn to be compassionate and empathic, remembering that understanding, acceptance and
forgiveness are important for cultivating "Caring Inner Dialogue." Acceptance and forgiveness
are yours for the taking.
It’s when you become conscious of your self-talk that you gain awareness and set yourself up
for change. Don’t be afraid of your critical voice. Accept it as a part of yourself that has
unfulfilled positive potential. You will need to focus for your inner voice to change. But, as you
are consistent, persevere and remain patient with yourself, you will take this giant step
forward toward becoming a self-empowered man or woman with high esteem.
Please feel free to add further notes below:

Lesson 3
Worksheet 3.1: Individual Exercise “Restructuring My Inner Dialogue”
Exercise: The following are statements you might easily address to yourself. However, they are rather destructive. Please rewrite them in a constructive
way i.e. so they are self-empathic and empowering e.g. connecting to and validating your own feelings and needs.
The first statement has been completed for you, as an example.
I’ll never become Krishna conscious I need to feel I am getting somewhere spiritually but am frustrated.
I can’t believe I got into maya like that!
Wow, he’s such an arrogant person.
I really messed that up – better to keep quiet in class in future.
It’s clear that I am more advanced than most devotees here…
…but that’s a nonsense, rascal thought!
I don’t deserve it (maybe it’s something I did last life)
Wow, Krishna will really chastise me for what I just did
I think I’ve cracked it; now let’s preach, preach, preach! Haribol!
Why did I join ISKCON in the first place?
I thought I’d got over that anartha and now I’m right back in it!
I don’t like him, but I guess he’s a devotee so I must be wrong.
Wow, Krishna, this body and this world really stink!
I am so foolish!
I’ll never ever be a Vaishnava - not in this life anyway!
…but it’s good to think that way, as a Vaishnava thinks.
I am a terrible wife/husband.
I guess I’ll just have to depend on mercy.
Its maya out there and Kali-yuga is getting worse.
I did very little service today; I’ve got to develop more discipline!

Lesson 4
Worksheet 4.1: “My Personal Action Plan”
Please use this page to write a personal action plan, based on what you have learned. Also,
make sure this plan builds on the self-inventory from Lesson 2 (see page 13).
Please make sure that what you write is concrete and represents a commitment. Avoid (for
example) statements such as ‘I will try to…’.
You can also express your plan as a commitment to yourself, as a kind of ‘request’ (i.e. based
on your learning about this subject). It’s usually best to include a time-frame i.e. dates by
which you will performs your specific action points.

Appendix 1: “The GBC Mandate for Devotee Care”
2. MANDATE OF THE DEVOTEE CARE COMMITTEE

This section defines the broad purposes, ethos and scope of the Devotee Care Committee (DCC).
2.1 Vision
Every devotee is spiritually happy and materially well-situated, positively identifying with
ISKCON as a caring Society. Each devotee (a) responsibly looks after his or her diverse needs (b)
can easily and successfully seek qualified help within the Society, and (c) wholeheartedly
extends that care to others.
2.2 Mission
We strive to:
(1) Ensure that the Vaishnava virtue of care pervades all aspects of the ISKCON Society.
(2) Support and provide specific care services that enhance the spiritual, emotional, physical
and social well-being of all ISKCON members.
2.3 Services
We aim to:
1. Assist leadership in embedding a culture of care throughout the Society.6
2. Encourage all ISKCON centres, projects and departments to apply the principles of care.
3. Support projects that directly offer devotee care, within (a) defined areas, and (b) specified
membership groups (see Section 2.10).
4. Promote the establishment of further projects, as needed.
5. Further the above purposes by:
(a) Providing advice, support, training and education
(b) Maintaining a database of information and resources
(c) Conducting relevant research
(d) Publishing and circulating Devotee Care literature
(e) Organising and facilitating personnel, teams and networks.
2.4 The Definition and Scope of Devotee Care

‘Devotee Care’ is defined according to this mandate. Please note that:
1. It only indirectly includes outreach (see 2.2.1 above). Its focus is firmly on ‘devotees’.
2. Devotee Care does not refer to, or privilege, any one specific project or service, however
important or commendable (e.g. ‘Bhakti Vriksha’, or ‘the counselling system’).
6
Both as a virtue and through corresponding polices, practices, systems and structures.

3. Care is defined as both a virtue (value or quality) and a function (service). Although this
Vaishnava virtue should pervade all ISKCON activities, Devotee Care does not lay claim to
ISKCON’s entire mission. Rather, it works collaboratively with all other ISKCON centres,
projects and departments in order to (a) maintain focus on its own distinctive offerings
(b) encourage and support others to embrace its broad principles (see Section 2.2.)
4. There exist certain ‘grey areas’ (as may change with time). For example, research shows
that education is strongly linked to care, yet it has established itself as an autonomous
ISKCON ministry. The DC initiative recognises that some initiatives may start within its
direct purview and later become more independent and autonomous.
5. Although Devotee Care is offered on an institutional level, it also embraces and applauds
practices that are local and personal e.g. care within traditional family units.
2.5 Principles, Guidelines, Practices & Systems

To ensure both (a) compliance with shared aims and ethos (b) application according to local
context and culture, the DCC works within the following four-fold framework and their
respective terms:
 Principles & Values provide the essential and enduring theoretical foundation
 Guidelines facilitate locally-apt practice based on shared principles and values
 Practices are examples of guidelines in action
 Systems and Structures are organised ways of delivering good practice
Definitions of these terms, and examples to illustrate them, are shown in the table below:
Term Definition Examples
Principle Underlying, universal truth that is Vaishnava Seva (the core element
required for successful application of Caitanya Vaishnavism).
Value Required virtues and dispositions, Empathy, expertise, gratitude and
both personal and organisational generosity.
Guideline directive for good and effective ‘Train care-takers.’ ‘Write and
practice implement DC policies.’
Practice Building block of systems; way of Home visits; kirtan for dying
doing things; specific action devotees
System Set of practices to achieve aims Counselling or Mentoring Systems,
and embed practice. Bhakti Vriksha, Hospice Care, etc.
Structure Organisational framework to hold DC department with head
systems in place and working order. accountable to Temple Council.

2.6 Principles & Values

The following Twelve Principles & Values underpin the provision of Devotee Care. They apply
equally to both personal and public domains.
Six Principles 7
1. Shrila Prabhupada’s Teachings & Example
2. Vaishnava Seva
3. Spirited (PEP) Leadership8
4. Positive Sense of Belonging
5. Loving Relationships
6. Expert Listening
Six Values
1. Empathy
2. Integrity & Example
3. Expertise
4. Gratitude & Generosity
5. Affection and Love
6. Wisdom and Shastric Insight
2.7 Principles Unpacked and Explained

Adoption of shared principles & values implies that they must be applied with consideration of
context, including the (a) broad cultural milieu (b) the individual recipient (e.g. disposition).
Alignment with Shrila Prabhupada is our most important principle.

Shrila Prabhupada’s
It includes consistency with the teachings and personal example
Teachings and Example of other acharyas and of Lord Krishna Himself.
This is a core Gaudiya Vaishnava principle. In offering devotees
Vaishnava Seva care, an authentic and personalised service mood is essential.
Devotee Care is an important limb of Vaishnava Seva.
Care is dependent upon exemplary leadership, which must be:
Spirited (PEP) Leadership (1) protective9 (2) empowering (3) proactive. Administrative
leaders, at all levels, cannot legitimately give spiritual advice alone.
Authentic care ensures that devotees positively identify with the
Positive Sense of
Society and ardently want to stay involved. Devotees are both
Belonging ISKCON’s most valuable assets and its very life, love and purpose.
Care depends upon palpable and proximate affectionate relationships,
Loving Relationships as rooted in family culture, extended within broader communities
and exemplified by ISKCON’s theology and founder-acharya.
Diagnosis and empowerment require listening, along with other
Expert Listening communications and interpersonal skills. Devotee Care needs to
be not only delivered but positively felt and received.
7
A further principle, ‘Care on all levels', is included implicitly within 'Vision' (Section 2.1) and 'Mission' (Section 2.2).
This principle acknowledges how 'material' well-being influences spiritual health and progress.
8
PEP = Protective, Empowering and Proactive.
9
Linked to the Vaishnava notion of ashraya or ‘shelter’.

2.8 Values Unpacked and Explained

The following table shows some of the diverse values subsumed under the main six.
Care; compassion; kindness towards everyone; ability to listen;

Empathy
acceptance of self; non-judgementalism; real knowledge.
Responsibility; character; honesty; reliability; ability to look after
Integrity & Example
self and others; trustworthiness; confidentiality; detachment.
Professionalism; diligence; attention to detail; continuous
Expertise
professional development; willingness to learn.
Positive attitude towards life; thankfulness; appreciation;
Gratitude & Generosity
willingness to sacrifice; magnanimity.
Respect; friendship; love of Krishna expressed through and toward
Affection and Love
devotees; intimate confidential exchange; fulfilment; happiness.
Realisation of shastra; maturity; knowledge grounded in
Wisdom and Shastric Insight
experience; applied and world-relevant knowledge.
2.9 The Areas of Devotee Care

The following are twelve main areas of devotee care, and their corresponding needs and challenges:
Loss of faith / doubt / sadhana / four principles / lack of

1 Spiritual Life
trust in authority figures / sanga
Diet and prashadam / exercise, sleep and lifestyle /
2a Healthcare (Physical)
palliative and hospice care / care of caregivers
Mental & emotional health / anxiety / addiction &
2b Healthcare (Mental/Emotional)
compulsion / depression / suicide / poor self-image
Getting married / marriage counselling / sexuality /
3 Marriage, Sex & Relationships
separation & divorce / family recreation / community
Raising children / child-protection / caring for the
4 Child-rearing and child-care
second generation / adolescence
Children’s and adult education / spiritual education /
5 Education
social, moral and cultural education
Career advice / life-coaching / workplace issues /
6 Career and Employment
temple service / unemployment / unfulfilling work
Debt / bankruptcy / tax / social benefits / pension
7 Financial
schemes / remuneration of devotees
Houses to rent / retirement housing schemes /
8 Housing
purchasing property / ashram standards
Visas / immigration advice / avoiding scam marriages /
9 Travel and Immigration
safety in travelling / relocation / pilgrimage
Ethical buying / care for the environment / care for
10 Consumer and Lifestyle
animals and wildlife / recreation / Internet
All legal issues / discrimination / rights / criminality /
11 Legal and Civic
remaining safe / civic identity
Disputes with ISKCON authorities / disputes with
12 Mediation Advice
others / divorce

2.10 The Recipients of Devotee Care

The following are identified recipients of care, within 12 main categories. The first five are
traditionally associated with protection by societal leaders.
1 Women Brahmacharinis / Widows / Elderly single ladies
2 Cows and Bulls/Oxen10 Other animals / All living creatures
3 Brahmanas Pujaris & Purohits / Educators / Sannyasis / Gurus
4 Children and Youth Second generation, active and fallen away
5 The Elderly Elders / The sick and infirm / SP Disciples and other pioneers
6 Brahmachari Communities Temple Brahmacharis
7 Grihastha Communities Congregation11 (especially spiritual care)
8 Vanaprashtas Retired devotees
9 Sannyasis Resident sannyasis / Travelling sannyasis
10 Other Temple Residents Community residents and staff (especially larger projects)
11 Leaders Managerial leaders / Caregivers (counsellors, mentors, etc.)
12 Senior Devotees SP Disciples / Other ‘pioneers’ / Those who have given much12
10
There may be questions as to whether these are ‘devotees’ as such.
11
This may include singles, though there is a case for suggesting they are brahmacharis or at least in purposeful
transit towards responsible married life.
12
This is to respect the fact that some early devotees have selflessly given much, while acknowledging that more
mature approaches are now required to cater for the end of life (e.g. through innovative pension schemes).

Appendix 2: “Shastric Quotes on Devotee Care”
“Shastric Quotes on Devotee Care”
“For absolute protection from all sorts of fear, as well as for all our needs of life, we must take
shelter of the lotus feet of the Lord…” (SB 2.6.7 pur)
“First of all, you take care of yourself. Then you think of others.”
(SP Conversation with Anna Conan Doyle, Paris, 10/08/1973)
“We should always remember that our body is not for sense gratification; it is for Krishna’s
service only. And to render very good sound service to Krishna we should not neglect the
upkeep of the body.” (SP Letter to Letter to Rayarama, 09/02/1969)
“If a person doesn’t follow the mental rules, his power of realization, concentration, imagination,
contemplation and judgement will be weak and will not properly function... Moreover, one will
not be able to take the mind from material thoughts and direct it to thoughts of God. As a result,
the mind will be dominated by sinful thoughts and atheistic attitude, finally, and will become no
better than beast. Therefore these bodily and mental rules are very necessary for success in
human life. ” (Sri Caitanya Siksastakam, Chapter 2, Part 1)
“But by our mutual behaviour, somebody is my friend and somebody is my enemy. As we have
this dealing in the ordinary daily affairs, similarly, I have my dealing with myself; myself. If I
deal with me, myself, as friend, then I am my friend. And if I deal with myself inimically... Then
what is that friendship and inimical?” (SP Lecture, BG 6.4-12, New York, 04/09/1966)
“In spiritual life we [might] tend to hate ourselves for not being successful in our attempts to
have realisation… we [can] hate ourselves for not being up to the mark of expectations.“
(Bhaktivinoda Swami, ‘Humble Pride or Hate’ in “Carry on the Care Legacy”, pp.40-41)
‘The introspective man who is after self-realization, he knows very well, "Suppose if I do in
future such and such big business, or such... I can construct such big skyscraper house." But
because he's introspective, he knows that "What I shall do with all these things? As soon as I
exit from the platform, everything remains here, and I take another form of body, begins
another life." That is introspection.’ (SP Lecture, BG 2-62-72)
Please add further quotes below. Note that a far more extensive list is available in the Student
Handbook for the DCC2 (Devotee Care Course 2).

Appendix 3: “A Lexicon of Emotions"
A Lexicon of Emotions
The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of emotional states
and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting
place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to
facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when (a) our needs are being met (b)
when our needs are not being met.
Reproduced with permission from:

(c) 2005 by Centre for Nonviolent Communication Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Feelings when your needs are satisfied
AFFECTIONATE CONFIDENT GRATEFUL PEACEFUL

compassionate empowered appreciative calm
friendly open moved clear headed
loving proud thankful comfortable
open hearted safe touched centred
sympathetic secure content
INSPIRED
tender equanimeous
EXCITED amazed
warm fulfilled
amazed awed
mellow
ENGAGED animated wonder
quiet
absorbed ardent
JOYFUL relaxed
alert aroused
amused relieved
curious astonished
delighted satisfied
engrossed dazzled
glad
serene
enchanted eager
happy still
entranced energetic
jubilant tranquil
fascinated enthusiastic
pleased
trusting
interested giddy
tickled
intrigued invigorated REFRESHED
involved lively EXHILARATED enlivened
spellbound passionate blissful rejuvenated
ecstatic
stimulated surprised renewed
HOPEFUL vibrant elated rested
expectant enthralled restored
exuberant
encouraged revived
optimistic radiant
rapturous
thrilled

Appendix 3: “A Lexicon of Emotions"
Feelings when your needs are not satisfied
AFRAID CONFUSED EMBARRASSED TENSE
apprehensive ambivalent ashamed anxious
dread baffled chagrined cranky
foreboding bewildered flustered distressed
frightened dazed guilty distraught
mistrustful hesitant mortified edgy
panicked lost self-conscious fidgety
petrified mystified FATIGUE frazzled
scared perplexed beat irritable
suspicious puzzled burnt out jittery
terrified torn depleted nervous
wary DISCONNECTED exhausted overwhelmed
worried alienated lethargic restless
aloof listless stressed out
ANNOYED
apathetic sleepy VULNERABLE
aggravated
bored tired fragile
dismayed
cold weary guarded
disgruntled
detached worn out helpless
displeased
distant PAIN insecure
exasperated
distracted agony leery
frustrated
indifferent anguished reserved
impatient
numb bereaved sensitive
irritated
removed devastated shaky
irked
uninterested grief YEARNING
ANGRY withdrawn heartbroken envious
enraged DISQUIET hurt jealous
furious agitated lonely longing
incensed alarmed miserable nostalgic
indignant discombobulated regretful pining
irate disconcerted remorseful wistful
livid disturbed SAD
outraged perturbed depressed
resentful rattled dejected
AVERSION restless despair
animosity shocked despondent
appalled startled disappointed
contempt surprised discouraged
disgusted troubled disheartened
dislike turbulent forlorn
hate turmoil gloomy
horrified uncomfortable heavy hearted
hostile uneasy hopeless
repulsed unnerved melancholy
unsettled unhappy
upset wretched

Appendix 4: Devotee Care Written Resources
Devotee Care Written Resources (Concise List)
From the Devotee Care Team

Relevant articles can be found in the Devotee Care Journal (four editions) and Devotee Care
Magazine (two editions). A full directory of these articles can be found in the Student
Handbook for the DCC2 (Devotee Care Course Two). Here we list the six publications, along
with some references to other material covered in this course (DCC1).
Devotee Care Journal, Issue 1 2009

Devotee Care Magazine “Care Personified” (on Srila Prabhupada) 2012
Devotee Care Magazine “Carry on the Care Legacy” (Special ILS issue) 2012
Devotee Care Journal “Caring Leadership” (Special Issue) 2014
From Other Caring Devotees

Aruddha Dasi (2012) “Home-schooling Krishna’s Children”. 2nd Avenue Books
Diviash Thakrar (2008) “Caring for Hindu Patients” Radcliffe
Giriraja Swami (2014) “Life’s Final Exam”. Torchlight
Jagannathesvari dd (2011) “The Four Goals of Family Life.” Gayatri Books
Niranjana Swami (2006) “Caring for Krishna Devotees”. Gauranga Press
Rama Sevak Das (2013) “The Art of Parenting”. VOICE
Susan Pattinson (2011), “The Final Journey”. Torchlight
The Grihasthas Team (2014) “Heart and Soul Connection”.
Urmila Dasi (2014) “According to Religious Principles”. ISKCON Education of NC
Vijay Venugopal and Prema Padmini (2012) “The Third Partner”
On Non-violent Communication
Jean Morrison & Christine King (undated) “Communication Fundamentals”. Galloping Giraffe Enterprises
Marshall Rosenberg (2015): “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life”. Puddle Dancer Press

Appendix 5: Tear-out Worksheet for Lesson 4
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Appendix 5: Tear-out Worksheet for Lesson 4
Worksheet 4.2: “Evaluation of the Course”
Take about six minutes to complete this sheet. Please be frank and honest. There are no right or
wrong answers. Complete at least one point for each of the four sections.
Date..................... Venue............................. Tutors(s)..................................................
………………………………………………..
What needs the course met (where the course was successful):
What needs the course failed to meet (where it could be improved):
What I liked most about the facilitation (and any associated needs/feelings):
Where the facilitation could be improved (and any associated needs/feelings):
Thank you! Now please hand in this sheet to the facilitator before you leave

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Devotee Care Education

The International Society for Krishna Consciousness

First Draft Edition, 8th February 2016

Price (excluding cost of delivery) UK £6.00 USA $12.00 India RS200

Welcome and Course Schedule 2

Lesson Notes and Worksheets

Lesson 1: “The Foundations of Devotee Care” 3

Appendix 1 – Mandate for Devotee Care 26

1|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Distribution of Materials and Kirtan (15 mins) 9.45 -1.00

2|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Worksheet 1.1: “My Hopes, Fears and Needs”

1. What are some of your fears or negative expectations of this course?

2. Write down some of your hopes or positive expectations of this course

3|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

(1) Concisely define ‘Devotee Care’, its scope and purpose.

4|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

1. All students are present for the entire course.

2. No-one borrows strength from status or position.

3. We value all contributions (whether or not we agree).

4. We demonstrate loyalty to the group and its members

7. We honour any agreement reached.

8. We respect the right of the individual to withdraw from any exercise

You may wish to make further notes in the box below:

5|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

6|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

2.4 The Definition and Scope of Devotee Care

7|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

It focuses on three aspects of communication:

Nonviolent Communication is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen

Non-violent Communication appears to be highly aligned to Krishna consciousness, and specific

Please add your own notes in the space below:

8|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

9|Page DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

1. CONNECTION 2. PLAY 5. MEANING

10 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Quote from Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur in his ‘Sri Siksamrita’

Please add further notes below:

11 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Needs and Strategies

Needs and Wants

“Ill-weaved ambition, how much art thou shrunk!

12 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Please use this page to write your own notes.

You might consider certain key questions, such as:

13 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

 We are not aware of needs language

 We have difficulty making space inside ourselves to accept our needs

 We mistake needs for selfish desires or wants

 We have an idea that needs are in competition

 We have fears about our own needs getting met

 We get caught up in our emotions (feelings)

 We have not learned what to do when we have unmet needs

 We may not have a support system to model needs awareness

14 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

Worksheet 2.1: “Identifying My Needs”

15 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016

16 | P a g e DCC1 Student Handbook, Draft Version 01, Dated 08/02/2016