Nowhere to go No one will love you No one to cheer you No one will accept you You re alienated by human

You re had being cursed by them Push by them Hurt by them Thrown by them And not even a single day loved by them You re like someone who has been bind by the roses thorn It s pretty yet looks so painful What is the purpose of your existence? Is it to be hurt by somebody you loved the most? Is it to live in the darkness? Is it to be betrayed by your precious one? Or is it to suffer alone where no one can comfort you? Their words will always echoes but it will never reach you Because a solid barriers had been built Separating you from others No one able to be close with you You re alone in darkness Darkness is your only friend It will not betray you as those rotten human Face all those mockery alone Even though you re in pain Keep that hate for yourself only No one will ever care about it You re not in fairy tale You will never change into a beautiful swan Don t hope to be loved by others As you re an ugly duck Human became rotten every single day Cruel to their own species Didn t know the values of others Only care about their selfish lust

Extre e Emptiness s e e t S e has everything Friends, family, admires, And yet, she feels empty S mething missing in her She didn t even notice about that Sometime she goes numb She doesn t know what to think She just stares at blank scenery in front of her What am I doing? Who actually am i? What is the purpose of my life? These are the questions The question that has been playing in her mind No one could guess her No one would understand her Because of this She became really twisted Now no one could reach her No one could call out for her My Usual Day ...

It's been enough time that each of my day is the same.. I thought I could handle it, I was sure that I would handle it, but it's not getting any better, it's even getting worse... Every day the same, I am putting on my fake smile, dressing, getting a best look and going out to the university and then to work ... The best part in my day is my work, cause I am not having time to think about anything else, or even if I am having that's too little to get on my nerves... And it'seasier to block my feelings, to be numb, and to think only about the work. Then I am coming home , it's about 00.00-01.00 am.. And it's getting harder and harder to stay numb...I am reading a book, or seating in front of the computer.. And it's so hard to convince myself to go to bed, because I know, that I am not going to sleep in 5 or 10 minutes, it usually takes me 3 or 4 hours to sleep, cause I am

getting lost in my thoughts in my memories I am not able to stay numb I am not ale to block my feelings when I am alone with my thoughts and memories And even when I'm asleep I am terrified with my nightmares It's not like I see demons or killers who are chasing me no I see the same people every night in different situations basically in the situations which happen very often in our lives but which hurt us a lot But the most awful part of my day is morning mornings are like a hell for me Usually I open my eyes before the alarm clock and the first thing to do is trying to understand which was reality and which of my memories were just dream And this process oh I hate it cause I am memmorizing every single thing that happened And usually this hell lasts about 2 hours Then I am getting of my bed looking at the mirror dressing putting on my fake smile and repeating the same word to me "You are the best everything is gonna be ok you have family you have friends you have a good job you have a good look you know who you are and no one deserves your tears or your pain and you must stay strong for the people who are still by your side" Posted by Surmenyan at 11:07 AM 0 comments Labels: depressive private Thursday April 29 2010 Walking in the rain Today I finished my job earlier than usual I walked out the office it was raining I put in the earphones turned on my favorite music (Coldplay Jack Johnson RHCP SOAD) and started to walk home It was awesome the music and the raindrops that touched my face and my loneliness and my thoughts I love thinking and I love my thoughts even when they are too strange and naive to say them out loud It's been a long time that I hadn't enjoyed the rain this much It was awesome very sad but still pleasant Posted by Surmenyan at 12:00 AM 0 comments Labels: rain Tuesday April 27, 2010 Emptiness

>Seems I have everything I do not complain I have a good job, I have plans, and I am working hard to fulfillthem , I have people who love me and who will always be by my side whatever happens Then? Why do I feel so empty inside This emptiness is killing me I don t even have time to sleep, but still I feel empty all the time, seems like some part of me is missing and I don t know how to fill this emptiness and I m stuck Posted by Surmenyan at 2:25 AM 4 comments Labels: depressive, private Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Picture of orian Gray

Finished "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde This novel impressed me Every sentence made me think of my and others' life, every sentence changed my opinion about the life and it's meaning In my opinion it is a true story, every one of us has a Dorian Gray in him/her-self, and there are a lot of Dorian Grays around us The only thing is that we do not have the opportunity which Dorian Gray had We do not have the picture of us or anything which could help us to keep our youth

*"I wish I could love," cried Dorian Gray, with a deep note of pathos in his voice "But I seem to have lost the passion, and forgotten the desire I am too much concentrated on myself My own personality has become a burden to me I want to escape, to go away, to forget " *"The soul is a terrible reality It can be bought, and sold, and bartered away it can be poisoned, or made perfect There is a soul in each one of us I know it"DorianGray

*When they entered they found, hanging upon the wall, a splendid portrait of his exquisite youth and beauty Lying on the floor was a dead man, in evening dress, with a knife in his heart He was withered, wrinkled, and loathsome of visage It was not till had examined the rings that they recognised who it was

*It was his beauty that had ruined him, his beauty and the youth that he had prayed for

Now I want to mention some parts of the novel that I liked , or remembered (doesn't matter)

What I learned , is that Oscar Wilde gave us a choice, and we are the one to choose

And how easy it is to become a Devil , without even noticing the process