The Tea

Celebrity Gossip You Didn’t Know You Needed

VOL I… No 1 Las Vegas, Sunday, September 18, 2022 Felicia Carvalho, Editor-In-Chief

From Hundred Acre Wood to Rehab:

Winnie the Pooh gets Checked-In!
Written by Eileana Varela
Local sources have confirmed that
Winnie Theodore Pooh, a retired children's
television actor, has been admitted into
New Haven Rehab Center for honey
addiction! New Haven is a Hollywood
favorite for stars such as Rue Bennett,
Charlie Sheen, and Jessie Pinkman.
What could have pushed Mr. Pooh
into this horrendous downward spiral?
Sources say Pooh dealing with
abandonment issues from being tossed
aside by Christopher Robin, had a nervous
breakdown live on his show. After trashing
the set and lighting the treehouse on fire,
he was detained by police and was found
to have had a small baggie of honey
stashed in his red shirt.
Costar Eyeore had this to say about The bear can’t help it: Winnie the Pooh caught mid-
the devastating situation, “ I always honey binge.
thought his honey problem was under Mouse, and Tom & Jerry. Tune in this
control, but now I don’t even recognize Friday at 9 pm EST for an exclusive
him anymore.” His closest friends staged interview with Winnie hosted by Barbra
an intervention. Seen at the intervention Walters.
was Piglet, Eyeore, The Berenstain Bears,
Tigger, Owl, Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Mickey

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Katy, Pam, Karen, and Now…. The Bat is Broke:
Jess? Bruce Wayne Bumming Out!
Written by Leyla Varela
Written by Joseph Garcia Perez
The New Girl is stirring conflict
in The Office! Michael Scott, Regional Batman is now bankrupt after depleting all
Manager, claims there is a new girl in of his wealth while putting a stop to crime
town, Miss Jessica Day. While others are in Gotham once and for all.
pleased to have "Jess" join their group,
Pam Halpert is not!
Rumors
are
floating
that
jokester
Jim
Halpert
can't
keep his
eyes off
quirky Gotham’s favorite son down in the dumps,
literally!
Day, and
neither
can she! Sources say Batman is planning to
Jim & enter a variety of game shows to regain
Pam his wealth, all in the hopes of keeping
Is Jim & Jess the new office romance? have pace with his daily expenses of buying
been hotels and burning down mansions.
married for three years and are Rumors say Wayne has already
considered America's sweetheart couple. won Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
Speculation on Jim and Pam’s “friendship” Wipeout, in its first episode since its
began while Pam was engaged to be cancellation, allowed Batman to use all his
married to disgraced warehouse worker bat gear for his win. Other reports are
Roy Anderson. coming out the masked crusader has his
Will this cause conflict in Halpert's eyes set on Jeopardy!, and has already
marriage? Jim has a record for attracting beat the longest winning streak in show
women within the office, but we sure hope history. The question on everyone's mind
not! Jim & Stay tuned to see if Jim can now remains on where he plans to go
keep next.
himself
away
from
the
new
girl!

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 Steve Urkel Strikes in Scranton,
PA!
Written by Felicia Carvalho
Did I do that?! Steve Urkel caused
damages upwards of a million dollars at
Scranton, Pennsylvania's Dunder Mifflin
Monday afternoon. The Family
Matters star’s spastic rampage was
reportedly due to a cheese-fueled binge
carried over from the company's Dundie
Awards night.
Urkel,
newly hired
at the paper
supplier after
being run out
of Chicago by
neighbor Carl
Winslow over
Urkel caught by authorities. the
destruction
of Winslow’s home, clumsily tore through
the warehouse. Assistant to the Regional
Manager, Dwight Schrute, was unable to
subdue Urkel with his extensive secretly
stored artillery. Angela Martin of
Accounting attempted to shame and
ostracize Urkel into ceasing with no effect.
The wreckage finally halted when
warehouse manager Darryl Philbin
commanded, “Steve, go home! Go home!
Go home!” to which Urkel contested, “I
don’t have to take this! I’m going home!”
Urkel was later arrested at his residence
and is awaiting his pending court date.
Remy the Rat vs. Bobby Flay Go
Head to Head
Written by Jayana Biscardi
Well-known aspiring chef, Remy,
who revived the common folk dish,
ratatouille, joined Bobby Flay on Food
Network to compete in Beat Bobby Flay. In
the showdown, contestants must prepare
a traditionally everyday meal, but doctor it
up into a 5-star dinner. Initially, the French
rat confused his American chefs and
thought he’d be competing with Guy Fieri.
None the less, the commentary between
these two on the show truly grasped just
how professional and hilarious these two
are!
In the
end,
Remy
worked
his magic
once
more and
beat
Bobby Bobby Flay, not Guy Fieri.
Flay! Both
had such good sportsmanship, and Remy
was clear it was a privilege to work with
Flay. Remy stated he planned on using his
victory earnings to open his restaurant,
Everyone Can Eat, in honor of the beloved
Gusteau catchphrase, “Anyone can cook!"
Remy’s signature ratatouille dish.
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 Thank You for NOT Being a Friend!
The Golden Girls Go Off on Gordon
Ramsay
Hell hath no fury like an angry restaurant diner!
Written by Hailey Little
The beloved Golden Girls Blanche
Devereaux, Dorothy Zbornak, Sophia
Petrillo, and Rose Nylund were seen
storming out of esteemed chef Gordon
Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen over the
weekend. Profanities primarily from Miss
Petrillo, while unsuccessfully being
silenced by daughter Dorothy, screamed
about the horrid cheesecake served.
As most know, the Golden Girls are
big fans of the delicious dessert dish and
expect only the best. The women decided
to try a bit from Ramsay's acclaimed
kitchen while taking a girls’ trip to Las
Vegas due to Dorothy’s lottery windfall of
$10,000. The quartet ordered the baked
raspberry and lemon cheesecake but was
disgusted by what they were served. Miss
Devereaux commented on the incident,
insisting the head baker must have been
distracted by her good looks, "It's the
curse of being a devastatingly beautiful
woman."
Gordon Ramsay has yet to make a
statement about the event, but the
restaurant has already taken a hit from
the publicity and the ladies' negative Yelp
reviews. Is this the end of the golden era
for Ramsay?
What’s for Dinner? Lightning
McQueen Says, It’s Us!
Written by Christine Fulton
For years, the question of how cars
like Lightning McQueen himself stay alive
and running in the Cars Universe. With the
innovative technology of traveling the
multiverse, we may have just found the
answer. It has been reported by an
anonymous source that Cars like Lightning
McQueen and Mater were seen driving to
a suspicious building in preparation for his
next race. What reporters found inside
that building was shocking! Inside the
building was what's known as a "Human
Mill". Hundreds of women are being forced
to breed for the sole purpose of fueling a
car's life span. At the end of a car's life,
they return to this Human Mill in order to
be fitted with a new body.
Sources
suspect that the
cars drain the
life force from
these humans in
Lightning McQueen thinks you
look like a giant steak! order to stay
alive. This theory
explains the existence of cars like Stanly,
the founder of Radiator Springs, a popular
stop along route 66 interstate highway.
We here at Multiverse News Daily are
shocked and disgusted by this news. What
do you think? Do you support this way of
life in the Cars Universe, or should the
Multidimensional police force put a stop to
this tragic waste of human lives?