Part 1 – I Love Myself: The Psychological Aspect of Love

Do you believe in love at first sight? Do people really meet and in moments simply know they're
meant to be? This idea is romantic. People fall in love at first sight in movies, TV dramas, and also in
Korean series. But this scenario also happens in real life. Some famous celebrities when interviewed
say that it happened to them. Take the example of:

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle - When the couple officially announced their engagement, Prince
Harry was asked when he knew she was the one, and he replied, "The very first time we met."

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones - When Douglas met the stunning actress, he knew
right away that she was the one for him, and he decided to tell her in an interesting way. He told The
Hollywood Reporter that “I looked at her, and I said, ‘Catherine, I’m going to be the father of your
children." While some people might find this creepy, it worked out for him.

David Beckham and Victoria - Before they ever met in person, David Beckham was watching
television and saw Victoria performing with the Spice Girls. At that moment, he was already starting
to fall in love with her.

To study this phenomenon a group of scientists from Netherlands conducted a research among men
and women about potential romantic partners immediately after first encountering those individuals.
(Zsok, Haucke, De Wit, & Barelds, 2017) This is what the team learns from this study.

Love at First Sight (LAFS)

1. Strong initial attraction that could later become a relationship.

2. Strangers were more likely to report experiencing love at first sight with physically attractive
others and that others would report electric love-at-first-sight feeling.

3. Men report love at first sight more than women.

4. Love at first sight isn't usually mutual. It is typically a one-sided phenomenon; this suggests
that shared instant love isn't very common.

5. Love at first sight isn't really "love"

Love at first sight actually is experienced by people, but experiences of LAFS were marked neither
by high passion, nor by intimacy, nor by commitment. Instead, it's a strong pull or attraction that
makes someone particularly open to the possibilities of a relationship (Zsoks et al., 2017). Love at
first sight can happen multiple times, and maybe the instances where it fizzles or simply never
translates into a relationship are forgotten. But when love at first sight does launch a sustained
relationship, the story is a great one.
Media and celebrities influenced a lot of people in so many ways. One of these influences is to
always look great and attractive. Media portrays attractive people finds beautiful partners. And who
doesn’t want an attractive partner?

The “Cult of the Body”

According to science being attractive has its own benefits. In the context of love, being beautiful and
attractive could be more in demand when it comes to romance. It turns out that having flawless skin,
sparkling eyes, and impeccable bone structure might make you a more desirable romantic partner.

According to a study from Chapman University, attractiveness was a characteristic that both men
and woman reported finding highly desirable and even essential in a long-term partner. Ninety-two
percent (92%) of male study participants reported wanting their potential partner to be good-looking,
while eighty-four percent (84%) of female participants felt the same.

It is often said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but how do people know what is attractive or
not. The ancient Greeks believed that beauty consists of three major components: symmetry,
proportion and harmony. Aside from these three components, Western thinking includes clear skin
and youthful as components of being beautiful.

The idea of being beautiful influence the way people feel, think, and behave and is being mirrored in
the “cult of the body” and propelled today by the media.

“The cult of the body” is the expression of the body-centered culture, in which humans are
perceived through the prism of their corporeality. The cult of the body glorifies the established media
promoted standard of beauty and at the same time condemn (sometimes brutally) and devalue any
deviation from these standards.

Today, social media’s ideal woman is described like the women in Hollywood (curves, hourglass
figure, large breasts, slim waist), or Supermodel type (athletic, tall, toned arms) and the Beauty
Queen type (flat stomach, healthy skinny, large breast and butt, thigh gap).

Men also influenced by media strive to be handsome, stylish, and, of course, appealing to ladies.
Through fashion, they became more masculine, sexy, casual, and carefree like the Metrosexual (the
six-pack, professional haircut, and expensive clothes) or the Hipster (beards, vintage clothes,
slender or athletic shape, checkers or stripes, eyeglasses, and tattoos).

Unfortunately, not all people are blessed to have these ideal standards of beauty promoted by the
media. That is why people resulted to stuff that can keep them up with these standards. They range
from soap, lotion, colored eye contact lenses, hair dyes, nail polish, facial wash and clothing
fashion, to work outs in fitness gyms, slimming centers, facial treatment clinics, spa and massage
therapy clubs, to the more sophisticated (and expensive) dermatological embellishment, botox
treatment and cosmetic surgery.
Psychological effects of the Cult of the Body

Dissatisfaction with the body and anxiety about the looks

Studies indicate that people during adolescence and early adulthood experience dissatisfaction with
their looks much more often. They also more often internalize the content associated with the “cult of
the body”. Discontentment and non-acceptance of one’s own image activates behavioral reactions
which result in behaviors aimed at improving or changing the image such as slimming attempts or
performing plastic surgery procedures.

Social Networking sites as source of knowledge

They are not only the place where we find information concerning exercise or diet. They also provide
support in cooperative struggle for slim figure as well as clearly communicate that ideal body is the
most important.The behavior of the members of these sites is aimed at “the cult of the body”as a
superior value with the help of which perfection in other areas of life may be achieved.

Eating disorders

It has been proved that frequent contact with the ideals of beauty presented by the mass media is
associated with the increased occurrence of eating disorders. Wrong perception of one’s own
attractiveness and a strong need to control one’sown appearance and body mass among young
people may have a significant influence on the development of impaired body image and may have
negative influence on the occurrence of abnormal behaviors concerning the need to satisfy hunger.

Attitudes and beliefs

“The cult of the body” phenomenon may undoubtedly have an influence on shaping the attitude and
value system of adolescents.Therefore, there should be a reference to the theory of objectification,
which directly describes the process in which girls internalize sexualizing cultural messages. This
theory focuses especially on how the objectification of woman’s body, which becomes a culturally
accepted “object”, influences girls’ life and development. According to that theory, girls internalize
and replicate this objectified perspective within their own schemes. This process, called “self-
objectification”, is associated with accepting someone else’s perspective concerning one’s own
physical self and with continuous scrutiny of one’s own body, aimed at adjusting to cultural
standards of attractiveness.

Changes in self-esteem

Self-esteem plays a significant role during the time of juvenescence and its decrease may cause
young people to be more susceptible to cultural message, which emphasizes the physical features
of the looks that are socially desirable and valued. In consequence, young people are expected to
meet those norms. A highly intensified phenomenon is a man’s judgment on the basis of their looks,
which is frequently a factor superior to the spiritual values. Adolescent girls frequently post their
pictures on various social networking sites. The photographs become an object of other people’s
judgment.This evaluation concerns the perception of the body, looks determine popularity and on
their basis self-esteem is often built.

Sexualization of the body

“The cult of the body” is directly associated with shaping mass culture, which is the main source of
sexualization of woman’s image. The media and advertisements are predominated by the image of a
perfect woman. They emphasize sensual and biological qualities both in men and women. By
creating the canon of beauty they strengthen a wrong belief that a perfect body is the most
important. Sexualizing content and self-objectification may lead not only to the feeling of shame and
anxiety but also may evoke the feeling of disgust with one’s own corporality.

There is nothing wrong in making use of any of beauty and enhancement products and programs for
the promotion of good health and a better integration of mind-body-spirit. What is disturbing however
is when the body alone replaces and defines one’s identity.

We need also to remember that being beautiful and attractive is not a guarantee to find true love and
happiness.

Part 2 – Human Sexuality

To fully understand the self in relation to our dealings with other people we are called to express our
sexuality in a healthy way. Sexuality basically refers to the way we understand ourselves and
the way we live out this self-understanding in the world as male and female. Our sexuality
speaks about the quality of our personality that makes us male, female, masculine, feminine or
transgender (heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual). It involves our affective orientations towards
those of the opposite and/or same sex. Our sexuality is expressed in our bodily ways used in relating
with others so that we can become better persons.

Human sexuality can thus be generally defined as the way we understand experience or
express our body-selves and how we relate to other body-selves. In this sense, our sexuality
(that includes our sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation) permeate, influence and affect our
every act, at every moment of our existence including our relationships with our families, peers,
significant or special friends, school mates, co-workers and with people in our religions and churches
as well. Sexuality embodies and expresses our very personhood, gender and sexual orientation,
including our view of life, other people, the world, our foremost dreams and visions and our deepest
fears and frustrations. In short, there is a relationship between our sexuality and our human vocation
or calling as male or female.

Unfortunately, many people view sexuality in a negative way. This is connected to a view that the
soul or spirit is separated and superior from the body, which is considered to be the entry if not the
homeland of evil. The effect is that anything that is involved with sexuality (sex, gender, sexual
orientations, and anything on sexual matters) are on the bad side of things and the body is
“something” to be denied because it hinders our relationship with other people and with God.

Love Yourself: The Virtues of self-care and integrity

In recent times more people are trying to recover the value of the self which is lost by the cult of the
body. One of these is the Self-Love movement which inspires, empowers, and support people. It
serves as a platform for people to feel safe, heard, supported and loved.

One of the programs that this group is promoting is the idea “You are enough.” Each and every one
of us has a unique light, like no one else’s. Many of us haven’t yet harnessed that light, or know it’s
there and hold them back from letting others see. Your light is your gift, your gift to the world, you
were made to shine!

The Virtue of Self-Care – To practice self-care is to give our self-respect to our personhood. This is
done in many ways, among which are the kind of food we eat and drink, practices that maintain
cleanliness of body, doing routines of good hygiene, the clothes we wear, the way we order our
things at home and school, what we say and how we say things and using modestly manufactured
products that are not harmful to our body, animals and the natural world.

Self-care also means being sensitive and responding to our body, especially when we are tired,
stressed out and sick. We must give time to our body to relax as our spirit also will experience
respite and bliss. We need to take in sufficient amount of air, water and food and have a balance
between rest and activity, between play and work or studies, as well as between solitude and social
activities and between silence and noise. To live by self-care is to have a sense of self-discipline and
balance in our life.

The virtue of self-care also requires that we know our human anatomy and its dynamics. Many
people have difficulties and problems related to health and in interpersonal (also sexual)
relationships because they do not know how the body works, what are the good things that they
should do and the bad things they should avoid. Knowledge through information and updated new
developments must be attained regularly.

Self-care as good habit extends to other virtues. When we care for our body, as we care for our
whole person, we practice also self-esteem. Self-esteem refers to our overall emotional evaluation of
our worth as persons. Without being arrogant and proud, a “high” self-esteem encompasses good
feelings about one’s abilities and capabilities, talents and gifts and ways of friendly relations with
other people. Self-esteem, however, includes negative evaluations of our self, as in how we feel
about it. Having “low” self-esteem implies low self-confidence or worthiness. In practicing self-care,
we must continually make evaluations about our self-esteem so that we can improve our character.
The Virtue of Integrity – challenges us to act out the virtue of integrity. This may mean many
things. Here is a list of a few examples of how to be men and women of integrity.

- being true and good in our intentions

- doing our promises in action

- being honest and transparent in our transactions;

- telling the truth and fighting for the truth;

- having a goal or purpose beyond material gains, that will contribute to the world;

- taking charge of things or getting involved in concerns larger than our own;

- recognizing our strengths and limitations;

- seeking the help of others as we help others;

- learning to stop and let go;

- preparing and taking quizzes and examinations and being accountable for the results (in
contrast to cheating)

- being fair and just to others

- leading by example;

- living an austere or modest lifestyle according to one’s given resources;

- respecting the bodies of other people;

- doing things in moderation (not excessive) and in simplicity

- being humble in one’s achievements.

After all according to a group of psychology authors these should be the qualities you should look for
a partner and none on this list is being attractive or beautiful. No matter what we think we’re looking
for in a partner, the people we wind up choosing don’t necessarily match our criteria for an ideal
companion.

While we can’t know for certain all the good and bad characteristics our partner will bring to the table
when we first meet them, there are certain universal traits you might want to look for in a relationship
partner that will ensure a happier outcome. No person is perfect, of course, but here are eight key
qualities to look for in a partner:
1. Emotional Maturity -is when someone can manage their emotions no matter their
circumstances. They know how to respond to tough situations and still keep their cool. It's a
skill set they can consistently work on over time.
2. Openness - This trait features characteristics such as imagination and insight.People who
are high in this trait also tend to have a broad range of interests.They are curious about the
world and other people and eager to learn new things and enjoy new experiences.
3. Honesty - is not just about telling the truth. It’s about being real with yourself and others
about who you are, what you want and what you need to live your most authentic life.
4. Respectful and Sensitive - This means a feeling of admiration. So when you behave in a way
that's respectful, you're doing something to show admiration for another person. Sensitive
people tend to feel deeply moved by the beauty they see around them. They may cry while
watching particularly heartwarming videos and can really empathize with the feelings of
others.
5. Independent - Independent people are rarely worried about the consequences of their
decisions because they own up to things no matter the outcome. Once they make a decision,
they stick to it simply because they are confident about everything that led up to it, and are
fully prepared to bear the consequences.
6. Empathetic - the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine
what someone else might be thinking or feeling.“Cognitive empathy,”sometimes called
“perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other people's emotions.
7. Physically Affectionate - Physical affection releases feel-good hormones.One of the reasons
why hugging, holding hands,and touching feel good to us is that these behaviors elevate our
level of oxytocin, a hormone that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation.
8. Funny - A sense of humor requires a certain detachment. You're seeing patterns, a bit from a
distance. If you're being too serious or too identified with the action, you don't see the humor.
That goes for yourself too. You need to be able to see the funny patterns in your own life too,
even in unfortunate situations.