ADULTERY IN THE PULPIT

https://churchexecutive.com/archives/adultery-in-the-pulpit

By Ronald E. Keener

Failure in marriage fidelity shows up clergy as big-time hypocrites.

The health of a pastor is about more than germs and disease; it is as much about thoughts and
temptations. Adultery is one of those temptations, and Edward F. Mrkvicka Jr. says “avoiding the
temptation of adultery is like a fire. When it first starts it can be put out rather easily, but if we don’t act
immediately, a small fire can quickly escalate and burn down our house and everything in it.”

It is a fire that has and can consume clergy as much as the parishioner in the pew. But there is a
higher bar to be reached by pastors and church leaders.

“As God’s earthly representatives, clergy must be held to a higher standard, as when we fall,
hundreds, perhaps thousands of people see and/or feel, that Christians are nothing more than
heathens who go to church on Sunday. A clergyman cannot be a hypocrite,” says Mrkvicka, a lay
minister and counselor living in Marengo, IL.

He has written a book on the topic, No Innocent Affair: Making Right the Wrong of Adultery,  (Tate
Publishing, 2011) with his daughter Kelly Mrkvicka. Church Executive asked him about what he has
found on the topic within the church:

Do we have any evidence of the prevalence or impact of adultery within ministry?

The alarming statistics of adultery are applicable to all; i.e., the clergy is not exempt from temptation.
Truth be told, because of counseling obligations, the lure of adultery to clergy, if anything, may very
well exceed the norm; e.g., in various studies it’s reported that 70 percent of clergy have directly
counseled a woman who had or was cheating on her husband. That’s potentially dangerous and too
often leads to their sin becoming our sin.

Does adultery always prohibit service within pastoral ministry?

If we’re talking about an unrepentant adulterer, the answer is a resounding yes. As the Bible says,
adulterers will not inherit the Kingdom, they most assuredly should not be practicing clergy here on
earth.

You write, “Adultery is choosing Satan over Jesus, death over life, and hell over heaven.”
Tough words; what causes people to do so anyway?

I once wrote an article on that topic, entitled “Why Adulterers Cheat,” the conclusion being that
adulterers are, in their heart of hearts, narcissistic. I ended by saying, “It is impossible to be a
narcissist and a practicing Christian at the same time. They are mutually exclusive.

On the other hand, when God, instead of self, becomes the center of our universe, suddenly the
natural flow of life becomes obvious — and makes sense.”

What salvation is available to those who have committed adultery? You’ve written,
“Unrepentant adulterers will not spend eternity in heaven.”
Repentance, repentance, repentance. We must repent or perish. This is not salvation through works,
as such a thing is not biblically possible. It is instead, a holy response to the completely unmerited gift
of everlasting life given to us at such great cost by our Savior.

I’m aware of one pastor who confided in his wife the type of woman who was a danger to him
(or to whom he is attracted), and together they worked through those times of temptation. Do
you recommend this approach?

I recommend we do whatever is necessary to remain clean and holy, as long as the approach is not
in conflict with the Word. From a secular perspective, there is usually more than one answer to a
problem. From a Christian point of view there is only one — we, as an expression of our love of
Christ, must remain obedient so we have the right to claim his name.

How can wives help their husbands in this tricky territory; where do pastoral couples go
wrong in working this out together?

My experience is that the number one mistake couples make in this regard is reacting after-the-fact
instead of being vigilant before-the-fact.

Perhaps it’s a it-can’t-happen-to-us mentality, but as we unfortunately know, it can.

Of course, once an adultery has happened, the ball is always in the adulterer’s court. Here the
mistake is that we try and save the marriage, without realizing that the marriage cannot be saved until
the adulterer first gets right with God.

There was one well known pastor who committed adultery, left the pastorate, did other church
work, and I believe today is back with a congregation in the pulpit. Under what circumstances
is this possible for others who might be selling shoes rather than preaching the Gospel?

Fallen clergy who have truly repented, may, if offered, return to their position. The issue then
becomes, have they actually repented? We must look to their actions to know their heart. Many
pastors talk a good game after being exposed, but when you strip away the tinsel, instead of
repenting, they blame-shift, try and rationalize their bad behavior, possibly remarry, and in the end
take further advantage of a loving congregation that wants desperately to forgive the betrayal.

Should pastors seek therapy on an ongoing, general basis to counter the stresses of ministry,
among them temptation to adultery?

I recoil at the word “therapy,” as it has a secular connotation. To be honest, I often have trouble with
even some Christian counseling, as it is frequently little more than secular claptrap with a short prayer
before and after the session.

On the other hand, Christian fellowship based completely and solely on the Word of God is most
assuredly helpful as we all need to be constantly reminded of God’s standards and our
responsibilities.

Are covenant groups with several pastors useful in giving support against the temptations of
stepping outside their marriages; or does so much depend on the willingness of participants
to really open up in such settings?
I have seen pastor groups do great good. Others, while properly intended, fail miserably. That being
true, we are left with the inescapable conclusion that those attending determine the results — good or
bad.

For me personally, I love to talk and interact with those of like faith, but I’m very careful to always
remember that nothing even comes close to some one-on-One time with the Lord.

What do you mean when you write about “committing adultery without knowing it”?

Many people, ignorant of the Word, remarry without biblical grounds. They have been deceived, and
sometimes “innocently” misled into believing what God calls adultery is not adultery. But God’s Word
says what it means, and means what it says — and we are to know the law.

Where does forgiveness play into turning away from adultery?

Unlike what you might think, forgiveness is too often used and abused by sinners to relieve the
pressure of knowing they are in willful spiritual rebellion. They tell themselves their sin will be washed
away, no matter what they do. That is treating the blood of Christ as a common thing, and God will
have none of it.

How heartbreaking that the glorious gift of forgiveness has been perverted, as Jesus died on the
cross so our sins could be forgiven, not so we can continue to sin.

Where can ministry go from “here” in lowering the incidents of adultery with pastors and
ministry leaders?

As the world needs real Christian leadership now more than ever, we cannot shirk our duty by not
following the example of our God who can do all things except fail. We must be a holy case in point.
Failure is not an option.

Lastly, we need to openly and often talk about adultery among ourselves and with our congregations,
as God’s truth is the greatest disinfectant.

DEALING WITH LEADERSHIP ADULTERY

https://pastorresources.com/dealing-with-leadership-adultery/

As sad as it is, adultery happens, and it is not restricted to non-believers. It also happens in the
church and sometimes among the leadership. A church can be in a real quandary as to how to handle
such a serious situation.
My husband has never pastored a church where the offending party was in a staff or
leadership position, but we have seen it happen, and we have also known leaders who were the
offended spouses. People who believe their private actions do not affect others are seriously wrong.
When church leaders, their spouses, or even other members of the church commit such a sin, the
entire church is affected. At the very least, the church has to decide what the appropriate response
will be.
I have seen adultery by someone in a staff position handled a couple of different ways. In one
situation, after being made aware of what had happened, leadership took the matter to the church
members in a business meeting. The church decided to apply grace. They restored the person, but
they did not allow the person to continue to serve in the position he had previously held. The
offending party was repentant, and healing of the marriage took place. After a period of time, this
person was able to serve again in a different church.
In another situation, though, the adultery was ongoing and the person was caught in the act.
Church leadership handled the situation quickly and quietly, relieving the staff member of her position
and ministering to the offended spouse. The church at large was notified after the fact—no details,
just the simple statement that the person was no longer at the church and a brief statement about the
reason. The person who had committed this act married the person with whom she was involved, and
she went on to serve elsewhere. She paid a high price, though. The last I heard, her children from the
first marriage had chosen to not have a relationship with her.
What happens when the church leader is the offended party—when adultery is committed by
his or her spouse? I have seen this happen more than once. In this case, if the person in leadership
did not commit the sin, I do not believe it is necessary for the person to step down. In my experience,
some do anyway; sometimes because they are embarrassed, and sometimes because they want to
focus on dealing with the situation.
There is no cookie-cutter way to deal with adultery. A church’s response will depend upon
whether the offender acknowledges the sin and wants to make things right. When someone is
repentant, grace should be applied. Still, since leaders are to set examples for those they serve, the
church is within its rights to not restore the person to his or her previously-held position. Each church
must determine the measure of grace to be extended.
As in the second example, some people involved in adulterous relationships are unwilling to repent.
In that case, as painful as it may be for everyone, Matthew 18:15-17 may need to apply: “If your
brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you
have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of
two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the
church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”
Above all, the health and unity of the church body must be preserved.