The Telegraph Magazine - 16 July, 2022

and
live on
alone?
Sitwell’s
William
roadkill
seaweed
Can man
in foraging
adventures
16 J U LY 2 0 2 2
Document: 1001CC-DTMTM-1-160722-A001C-XX.pdf;Format:(230.00 x 270.00 mm);Date: 11.Jul 2022 18:11:36; Telegraph

Document: 1002CC-DTMTM-1-160722-A002C-TM.pdf;Format:(230.00 x 270.00 mm);Date: 11.Jul 2022 15:51:42; Telegraph
16.07 2022
REGULARS FEATURE S
M Y S AT U R D AY Hogweed, anyone?
Microwave meals and A cultivated palate meets
Emily in Paris a wild-food evangelist
GY L E S B R A N D R E T H WILLIAM SITWELL
P. 5 P. 6
AGON Y UNCLE The impact – physical

Solving your problems and psychological – of
RICHARD MADELEY
having a facelift
N I C O L E M O W B R AY
P. 6 7
P. 1 4
T H E WAY W E
LIVE NOW How priceless
In the wink of an eye… possessions became
CHRISTOPHER HOWSE a removal man’s loot
& GU Y KELLY DEBORAH LINTON
P. 7 4 P. 2 0
ST Y LE FO OD
Fashion made for hot Sardine dishes that evoke
summer nights in the city the romance of a holiday
MELISSA TWIGG DIANA HEN RY
P. 5 9 P. 3 9
Walk on: looking good in Leftover lamb makes a

the great outdoors light summer broth
LISA ARMSTRONG MARK HIX
P. 6 4 P. 4 7
BACK FROM THE BRINK
COVER: SIMON CROFTS. THIS PAGE: MILIE DEL
An unexpected Will humans and bears make peace in the Pyrenees? The insiders’ guide
comeback for 1970s style JOE SHUTE to rosé
LAURA CRAIK VICTORIA MOORE
P. 2 8
P. 3 2 P. 5 5
H E A D O F M AGA Z I N E A DV E RT I S I N G, C L A I R E J U O N : c l aire. juon @mailme trome dia.co.u k. I N T E R N AT I O N A L AC C O U N T S A L E S M A N AG E R , JA S O N H A R R I S O N : j as on .harri s on @ ma ilme trome dia.co.u k
© T E L E G R A P H M A G A Z I N E 2 0 2 2 . P U B L I S H E D B Y T E L E G R A P H M E D I A G R O U P L I M I T E D, 1 1 1 B U C K I N G H A M P A L A C E R O A D, L O N D O N S W 1 W 0 D T ( 0 2 0 - 7 9 3 1 2 0 0 0 ) A N D P R I N T E D B Y WA L S T E A D.
C O L O U R R E P R O D U C T I O N : T E L E G R A P H P R O D U C T I O N. N O T T O B E S O L D S E P A R A T E L Y F R O M T H E D A I L Y T E L E G R A P H . W H I L E E V E R Y R E A S O N A B L E C A R E W I L L B E T A K E N, N E I T H E R T H E
D A I L Y T E L E G R A P H N O R I T S A G E N T S A C C E P T S L I A B I L I T Y F O R L O S S O R D A M A G E T O C O L O U R T R A N S P A R E N C I E S O R A N Y O T H E R M AT E R I A L S U B M I T T E D T O T H E M A G A Z I N E
16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 3

4
The Telegr aph M aga zine
16 J u l y 2 02 2
Gyles Brandreth

My Saturday
memoir, Odd Boy Out, would be What Goes Up White & Comes
fun, but found it challenging. I’m Down Yellow [Puffin, £10.99], on
not very introspective. my extremely tolerant gr
g andchil-
dren. They’re very good on polit-
11am I have a personal ical correctness: ‘You can’t
trainer, who is very thor- say that, Grandpa.’
ough and a little fright-
ening. I’ve not had many sessions 7.30pm My wife and I are micro-
in the years I’ve been with her as wave-meal people. I gave up
I’m a busy bee – my wife would alcohol 25 years ago when I was
say ‘busy fool’. I used to deny I’m an MP, to lose weight.
a workaholic; I now accept it. I
don’t see any harm in it. 8pm We tend to watch positive TV
programmes because we don’t
12pm I pet Nala, the neighbour’s want to go to bed feeling low
cat, who lives with us by mutual about the world – we loved Emily
The broadcaster and former agreement, then walk to River- in Paris. We met at university in
MP, 74, on his weakness for side Studios, Hammersmith. It’s Oxford in 1968; she’s been saying,
cake, microwave meals and a cinema and theatre, but I go ‘Gyles, grow up’
novelty mugs principally for the cakes – my for 54 years. Our
weakness in life. I live across the children are in their
7.30am Breakfast is a boiled egg, Thames in Barnes, down the 30s and live locally:
half an avocado, tomatoes and road from where one of my liter- Benet is a lawyer,
cheese when I’m on a low-carb ary heroes Henry Fielding lived. Saethryd is a writer, and Aphra is
diet. We used to have breakfast My house overlooks the London a politician and stood in the last
in bed but I kept spilling Wetland Centre, which I general election.
INTERVIEW BY CLAIRE WEBB. CLARA MOLDEN, NETFLIX, ALAMY
Marmite on the duvet. My helped to get off the ground.

w i f e [ a u th o r M i c h è l e I no longer have a car; I 10pm I lay out the breakfast tray –
Brown] says, ‘Read the bought a Tesla, then devel- I’m quite meticulous. We have
paper, put that phone oped range fear and sold it. dozens of themed mugs. We’re
down. You’re a Twitter-holic.’ drinking out of Henrik Ibsen and
2pm Lunch is likely to be an egg Mrs Ibsen ones at the moment –
8.30am I work at my desk. I’m and cress Pret sandwich – I’m from a holiday to Norway. Given
quite disciplined: I do 1,000 vegetarian – on the way to a book that Mrs Ibsen was very long-
words a day if I’m writing a book. festival. I tested out material from suffering, my wife feels in sym-
I thought writing my childhood my new collection of riddles, pathy with her mug.
From tastin

He’s a fan of fancy
restaurants and the
finer things in life.
She’s a firm believer
in foraging for your
supper, so much so
that she spent a year
living entirely off wild
food – even scouring
the local dump for
Christmas dinner. Not
only did she succeed,
she says it left her
feeling lighter, brighter
and full of energy. So
could Mo Wilde convert
William Sitwell to the
joys of picking pignuts
and pickling purslane?
Here, he reveals all
about his 48 hours
surviving on the fruits
of the earth – including
gamely skinning a
deer with a flint knife.
Photography by
to hogwee
Simon Crofts
6 The Telegr aph M aga zine 16 J u l y 2 02 2

ing menus

I
’m in a woodland a few miles outside
Edinburgh; Almondell and Calder-
wood Country Park. It’s a beautiful
sunny morning. Down the bank from
where I’m standing is the River Almond.
In front of me is a mature European lime,
the lower parts of which are shrouded by
a new growth of young leaves. There’s a
rustle and through the leaves emerges
a woman in her late 50s. In one hand she
holds a knife and a canvas bag, in the
other she brandishes some leaves.
‘These are still lovely and tender,’ she
says. ‘I’ll add them to the salad.’
After a very early morning flight from
Bristol I’m peckish and could murder a
cup of coffee. So we’ve stopped off to get
some ingredients for lunch en route to
where I’ll be staying for the next couple
of days in West Lothian. But you’ll have
noted I’m not at Tesco or in a service
station. The woman I’m with, Monica
Wilde, or ‘Mo’, does things rather differ-
ently. While others write lists and comb
supermarket aisles for groceries, Mo
stalks fields, forests and hedgerows, the
banks of rivers and the shores of the sea.
Mo is a forager in the truest sense of
the word. She doesn’t just plunder bushes
for blackberries to fill her crumbles or,
like the trendiest chef, steam some sea
purslane to accompany salmon. The wild
plants, vegetables and flowers that grow
around us are the mainstay of her diet.
She recently completed a seemingly
impossible challenge: to spend an entire
year living on nothing but wild and for-
aged food, most of it sourced from the
vicinity of her eco-house, near the village
of Avonbridge. Making just one allow-
eed quiche
ance for olive oil, she vowed to endure

12 months without buying any item of
food or drink. Now with a book just pub-

lished that is a diary of that journey –
what she calls her ‘rebellious hunger
strike’ – and a treatise on her approach to
the modern world, she has invited me to
stay with her for a couple of days.
I’m a restaurant critic, a purveyor of the
tasting menu, not unusually our home
fridge bulges with food imported from
around the world, from Parma ham to feta
cheese, avocados to olives. While I’m
pretty healthy – I eat plenty of salad
and veg and pulses – my diet is coloured
with sausages, croissants, Grape-Nuts and
pistachios. I relish good, strong coffee
brewed from the capsules of our Nespresso
machine, I delight in a glass of white wine.
I like dark chocolate Hobnobs.
A
s I follow Mo through the park,
climbing over logs and brushing
aside leaves, as she places items
into her canvas bag, I’m trepidatious to
say the least: her idea of lunch is rather
different than mine.
In the ensuing 20 minutes, bits of
green that I would dismiss as weeds are
picked and popped into her bag. My mind
is flooded with a masterclass in hedge glyphosate over it, which did the trick, ‘If everyone foraged, there would be
garlic, wild angelica, pignuts, rosebay eradicating the lot. Now, thanks to the more than enough purslane, nettles, dan-
willowherb, sweet cicely, glistening ink- expertise of Mo, I realise I not only threat- delions and hogweed,’ Mo reassures me
cap, common vetch, pink purslane, com- ened the delicate balance of the earth’s as we get into her white van and head to
mon hogweed and alchemilla. When she ecosystem, I missed out on lunch. see her friend who has more provisions,
picks small, young leaves of ground elder Before each leaf, stalk and seed goes in the form of venison.
Mo’s kitchen shelves
are heaving with
I feel a pang of guilt: when my mother into the bag, Mo gives me a taste and short Her decision to go wild stemmed from
the fruits (and herbs spotted some of this in our garden in tutorial. Sweet woodruff is somewhere a long interest in foraging and her years
and plants) of her Somerset, she warned that it would between vanilla and a tonka bean, the of studying to be a herbalist (as well as
foraging labours spread and take over, so I poured neat seeds of common hogweed manifest in my running foraging courses, she lectures in
mouth like the scent of an intense, rich
curry, and thistle – she removes the sharp,
prickly leaves, peels the stem and gives me
a nibble – tastes slightly of globe artichoke. Having hung the deer
She points to some dried fungi on a log,
known as turkey tail (‘it’s an anti-cancer carcass on a hook, he hands
drug in the US’), and as for that alchemilla, me a homemade flint knife
also known as lady’s mantle, when brewed
it has the flavour of green tea. ‘Women in to chop its head off
the Middle Ages applied it on their wed-
ding night,’ explains Mo, ‘as it can tighten
up the vagina and firm up your tits.’
‘Right,’ I say, attempting to take this all herbal medicine and is a specialist in treat-
in, as the wool of ignorance I originally had ing Lyme disease at a local clinic). As the
is pulled from my eyes. Horribly unin- coronavirus lockdown set in she had
formed when it comes to plants and flow- vainly hoped that the nation might reflect
ers – I wouldn’t know a primrose from a on ‘our destructive behaviour towards the
violet – I do spot what I’m fairly certain is planet’, but as another Black Friday
an old daffodil. ‘Dreadful things,’ she mut- loomed in November 2020 and she real-
ters. ‘You can’t eat them, they’re of no use ised consumer excess was very much alive
to bees, have no medicinal value and are and kicking, she made a resolution.
poisonous.’ ‘Yes, but they’re quite nice to ‘Eating only wild food for a year might
look at, no?’ I say, sounding a little pathetic sound completely crazy,’ she writes in her
as I enter this netherworld of free food. I new book, The Wilderness Cure, ‘but we
wonder how this park would cope if the are living in an unprecedented time…
good people of West Lothian abandoned My instincts tell me that the cure for our
Sainsbury’s and Deliveroo in favour of the disconnect with the earth is through
bountiful freebies of Mother Nature. complete immersion in nature. So I have

10
16 J u l y 2 02 2
vowed to give up buying food and eat of a particular leaf – but by the end of the us to the shed at the back of his house,
only what I can forage here in central year she felt ‘brighter, lighter, full of adjacent to his ferret hutch where, dig-

Scotland starting today.’ energy and renewed’. ging into his large chiller and chest
She believes that ‘wild food nourishes Probe more deeply, however, and her freezer, he unloads on to us some rabbit,
your very soul’. And she writes that ‘for- radical experiment could also be seen as a squirrel and a recently shot young deer.
aging is the epigenetic Post-it note on our reaction to her background. An intensely We take the booty home. Her timber-
genes that we all share’. bright daughter of a barrister stationed in clad house, with polished concrete floor,
Kenya, she was sent to a Sussex boarding stacks of insulation and no central heat-
T
here were personal reasons for her school aged nine. By the age of 16 she was ing, is surrounded by decking filled with
experiment too. Beforehand she renting a room on her own in a house near barrels of beer and elderflower wine. She
was, she writes, wired and tired. Oxford and commuting to school. Art and a friend built it in 2010 – a feat that
She spent too long at her desk, and had college and theatre design followed. took three years – and now she lives there
unhealthy habits (tucking into cheese and Between Africa and the Cotswolds, she’s with her two flatmates.
biscuits in the evenings) and an ‘all-too- always had an affinity with Mother The kitchen is a feast of shelving,
frequent’ glass of wine or two. Weight loss Nature, and a love of early mornings, fas- covered with pots, potions and jars of
was never the goal but by the end of the cinated equally by the idea of cooking pickles, preserves and powders, all
year, she had lost 31kg (putting her weight insects and picking herbs for infusions. meticulously labelled: pickled plantain
in the ‘healthy’ BMI range) and tests found Finding herself a single mother of three buds, milkcap chutney, gorse vodka,
that her gut had become a ‘super in Edinburgh by the mid 1990s, her hobby acorn flour, porcini powder, rowan jelly.
responder’ (with bacteria species and lev- of cooking the likes of foraged mussels Mo pours me a cup of her house infu-
els rising and falling in way that usually and sea lettuce with the kids on hot rocks sion, made from garden plants and herbs.
only happens when taking probiotics). by the sea developed her interest, and she ‘We don’t ever really get sick,’ she says. ‘I
It wasn’t always easy – along the way began to teach foraging and devise week- put it down to that tea.’ She also squirts a
there were blood sugar dips, February end programmes. ‘It just grew from there nasal spray of the seaweed carrageenan
blues, a bleak-sounding Christmas when and I’ve never looked back.’ twice a day to ward off coronavirus, her
she foraged lunch from a local dump, Our next stop is Falkirk and the ter- version of the second vax and booster jab.
scaling mountains of manure in pursuit raced house of her friend, Bob. He takes I mention this to a GP friend who tells me,
‘There is evidence that the spray can

prevent replication, but I would strongly
advise to have the vaccine as well, and not
just use this spray instead of the vaccine.’
She then cooks us lunch of an omelette
of wild garlic and ‘chicken of the woods’ (a
mushroom whose flesh looks weirdly like
that of a chicken), with mushroom ketchup
and a salad of this morning’s leaves dressed
with the oils of her pickles. While there’s
an over-riding bitterness that feels unnat-
ural to my palate, a flavour of the earth,
perhaps, it’s surprisingly good given its
William has a go
at foraging with Mo
provenance and (lack of) cost.
and (left) admires After lunch I meet her flatmate Mat-
‘nature’s ultimate thew, 59, a botanical surveyor and expert
multivitamin’ on mushrooms, who joined her year-long

12
16 J u l y 2 02 2
wild dive. Having hung the carcass of the natural pathways. We talk (well, they talk) Next stop is a nearby estuary, to pick
deer on a hook outside, he hands me a flint of how the Romans slaughtered the druids samphire, with which I’m rather more

knife he fashioned himself and I set about and disconnected us from our indigenous familiar. The picking is hard work. I begin
skinning the beast and – finally allowed ancestral past, of how a whole generation to feel tired, slightly grumpy.
the luxury of a knife – chop its head off. today is suffering from eco-grief, how Back at home, Matthew has been busy
Mo brings me a cup of tea: rosebay wil- some species of plants, or fungi, are more cooking lunch. I’m weary with hunger
lowherb with a dash of hazelnut milk. animal-like than plant and how among and face a table laden with water-mint
‘Would you like anything else?’ she asks fungi there are some 36,000 genders… soup, which tastes like a simmering of
kindly. ‘I’d love a Hobnob,’ I reply. Twenty Before bed, they show me a huge half of mown grass clippings, and an unpalata-
minutes later she returns bearing freshly a dried reishi mushroom. ‘So what does ble quiche of hogweed in acorn pastry.
baked cakes, fashioned from nuts and the this do, Matthew?’ I ask. ‘It cures cancer,’ I’m starving, but I just can’t face it. Or the
syrup of some tree or other… I eat a cou- he replies, matter-of-factly. Mo gives me a idea of another afternoon of dandelion-
ple, but it doesn’t quite sate my craving. teaspoonful for ‘peace’. A gentle feeling of hunting and a night of blanched vetch,
Early evening and Matthew takes me euphoria rises within me and I go to bed, washed down with gorse vodka.
into the garden to forage for salad for din- sleeping soundly ’til morning. I flee for an earlier flight and in the air-
ner. I notice the deer skin and head still We’re up early and, after a breakfast of port race to the first hideous-looking eat-
on the decking, flies buzzing around it. dried and vaguely unpleasant acorn and ery for a cup of coffee, a bar of chocolate
chestnut pancakes with a dusty cup of
birch wood tea, we drive to the east coast,
to Tyninghame.
‘When you forage time slows down,’ At the airport, I race to the
explains Mo, ‘your sensory gate opens
up, it changes your emotional state, you first hideous-looking eatery
become engrossed, childlike, in the for a cup of coffee, a bar of
moment.’ As we reach the sea she points
out more plants and something on the chocolate and some nachos
ground called sea sandwort, beloved,
apparently, of Nordic chefs. Next she points
out a crop of foxgloves: ‘They’re poison-
ous.’ ‘Noted,’ I reply, adding, ‘not that it’s and some nachos. Early next morning,
ever occurred to me to eat a foxglove.’ back in Somerset, I take our dog for a
The tide is out. ‘Welcome to my larder,’ walk through the nearby woods. I look, as
says Mo, who gives me a lesson in sea- I’ve never done before, at all the plants
weed; its astonishing nutritional content, around us, spot some new green-leafed
uses and varieties. ‘It’s not surprising,’ friends and wish that Mo and Matthew
she says, ‘as it comes from the sea, that were here to talk me through it all.
primordial soup, from which come the Then it’s back home for a bowl of
building blocks of all life on earth. Sea- Shreddies, a croissant and a Nespresso.
weed is nature’s ultimate multivitamin.’ Someone needs to save the world, but
‘There is a lot of intelligence in the uni- I don’t quite have the stomach for it…
verse,’ she goes on. ‘Plants can smell, The Wilderness Cure: Ancient Wisdom in
taste, hear and react to touch. They can do a Modern World, by Mo Wilde, is out now
simple maths and have a simple memory.’ (Simon & Schuster, £16.99)
Back at the house, dying for a glass of

white Burgundy, I’m given a cooling sip of
homemade elderflower wine, a brew made
by Mo’s other flatmate, Geza, 44, a software
programmer from Hungary. We dine on
medallions of venison (the one I skinned)
with hawthorn gravy and a pretty but bitter
pile of those leaves dressed in the pickle oil
of Alexanders (a member of the carrot fam-
ily Apiaceae) and crab-apple vinegar, with
steamed orache (a kind of earthy spinach).
A
fter dinner, as we sip various
meads of rhubarb and crab apple,
Matthew and Mo talk of trees and
mushrooms, of how the world is con-
nected by a vast network of microbial
organisms, how trees talk, can count, can The hogweed
care for saplings, and how modernity can quiche that
– think the nearby Grangemouth oil port – pushed William
create ‘black holes’ that disconnect these over the edge

When Deborah Ellis decided to undergo a ‘deep

plane’ facelift – considered both the most invasive
and the longest-lasting – she was tired of seeing
the toll life can take reflected in her face, and
wanted to change the way she looked and the
way she felt. Having documented her progress
online in a bid to demystify plastic surgery, here
she shares her journal of the time, from
disagreements with friends who thought her
choice merely ‘vain’, to donning a ‘face bra’
following the procedure, to the psychological
impact of pursuing a ‘fresher’ look
Words by Portrait overleaf by
Diary of
N ICOL E MOW BR AY CL AIRE H ARRISON
a
14
facelift
The Telegr aph M aga zine 16 J u l y 2 02 2
16 J u l y 2 02 2
15
16
16 J u l y 2 02 2
W
hen 49-year-old Deborah Ellis looked plane facelifts and maxillofacial surgery. He also ‘I’m actually not happy looking this way,’ other
in the mirror, she only saw ‘sadness seems reassuringly honest, not agreeing that I people feel uncomfortable or judged. But this

and trauma’ staring back at her. ‘The ‘need’ all of the procedures I initially wanted – so is about more than vanity for me; it is as much
deaths of my mum and, more recently, my dad, no brow or lip lift for the time being. about mental health as physical appearance.
past relationship issues, the stress of running my Dr K has worked in America, written medical I’m still shopping for the trip. I’ve got ice
business and being a single mum to my son.’ papers, and is a member of lots of regulatory bod- packs ready for swelling and also little luxuries
After more than 15 years of having ‘tweak- ies, so I’m confident he’s a good choice. Plus the like pairs of super-fluffy slipper socks to help
ments’ – Botox in her forehead and around her fact that he operates in a proper private hospital when I’m in post-op discomfort (which I’m
eyes, filler in her cheeks – and having lost three is reassuring in case something goes wrong. I’ve actively trying not to think about). Here’s hoping.
stone in a short period of time, she decided to take paid a £500 deposit. I wish I could have this pro- I’ve booked the week off and arranged for a
drastic action. So, earlier this year, Ellis, who cedure in the UK, but it’s out of my budget. The friend to look after my shop, Madam Popoff
runs a vintage-clothing shop in Kent, travelled to total price of my deep plane facelift in Turkey is Vintage, and my pug Kobe. A bit nervous that
Turkey, a popular medical-tourism destination. £5,250, whereas in the UK, experienced sur- when Dr K sees me in real life he’ll make some
There, she had booked in for a ‘deep plane’ facelift geons can charge over £40,000. changes to what he thinks should be done.
– the most invasive of facelift procedures.
While in a traditional facelift, the skin is pulled December 2021 One day to go
taut, in a deep plane lift, the surgeon operates Just when I thought things were happening, I I stayed at an airport hotel the night before my
deep beneath surface layers of the face, going tested positive for Covid, meaning my surgery flight to Antalya. On the flight, I’m both excited
under muscle and fascia, and lifts this together scheduled for January has to be put off until and nervous – not helped by the plane’s first
with the skin (in the current standard SMAS – March – I’m told that post-infection there’s a aborted landing. I spend five minutes stressing
superficial musculoaponeurotic system – proce- higher risk of blood clots. we’ll crash in the mountains and I’ll die because
dure, this layer and the skin are lifted separately). Although I’m gutted, it’s still happening and of my vanity. After we land safely on the second
Working this deep into the face is not without I spend my days having moments of, ‘Oh God, attempt, I try not to dwell on the drama as an
risk: the procedure is complex and carries a what have I done?’ interspersed with proper omen of what’s to come.
potential risk of nerve damage, so an experienced excitement. I’m still researching my surgeon A driver meets me to take me straight to the
surgeon is a must. But on the plus side, a deep online and looking for anyone who’s reported hospital for pre-op tests – everything from X-rays
plane lift is thought to last longer than any other bad experiences – so far so good. to lung function, blood and Covid tests, plus an
and to give a more natural, less ‘stretched’ look. I’ve had a couple more online video consulta- ECG… I pass with flying colours.
For Ellis, the potential benefit was worth the tions with the medical team, and been advised I’m spending tonight at the hotel where I will
risks. ‘I want my appearance on the outside to by the medical-tourism company to stop taking stay post-procedure, then tomorrow is the big day.
‘I want my appearance on the outside to

match the person on the inside’
match the person on the inside,’ she explained certain medications a few days before the sur- 26 March 2022: three hours to go
in her diary of the time. ‘But injectables and gery, such as the Ritalin I take for recently diag- I haven’t eaten since yesterday. At 9am, a driver
minor procedures cannot give me the youthful nosed ADHD; it could interfere with anaesthesia. picks me up from the hotel, and at the hospital I
results I want.’ She has also posted selfies and Planning a quiet – and low-cost – Christmas, meet Dr K for the first time. His original assess-
videos illustrating every part of the experience just meeting my 24-year-old son for lunch. He’s ment stands – no brow or lip lift, but a deep plane
on Instagram (@faceliftat50), a decision she on board with me having the procedure, saying facelift with liposuction under my chin.
made ‘because I believe a lot of women are curi- he only wants me to be happy. As he marks up the incisions on my face and
ous about cosmetic surgery and contemplate says he will see me after the procedure, I feel
doing it but don’t because of fear’. Here, she January 2022: two months to go strangely calm. Last night I had visions of myself
shares more from her facelift diary. I’m beginning to get nervous, mainly about the running down the hospital corridor heading for
anaesthetic. the exit with my bottom hanging out of a hospital
November 2021 I’m spending a lot of time on surgery forums gown, but not today.
PREVIOUS PAGE: COURTESY OF DEBORAH ELLIS, INSTAGRAM @FACELIFTAT50
When I quit drinking three years ago, I lost on Facebook and reading other people’s experi- I need this.
HAIR AND MAKE-UP BY ELIZABETH HSIEH, USING WELEDA AND DAVINES.
three stone very quickly. My face lost volume ences to glean information about what to expect.
and sagged, particularly around my neck and I’ve purchased arnica tablets to help with post- Three hours post-op
jawline. Now, every time I look in the mirror, operative bruising, and bromelain, a supplement Out of surgery. I can’t see much due to swelling
the person looking back appears drawn, tired to help with swelling and inflammation. Also cut- around my eyes. Drains in my face remove extra
and unhappy. ting down on garlic and onion because I’ve read blood and fluid, and a catheter means I don’t have
So I’ve decided on a deep plane facelift, a that they thin the blood and promote bleeding. to get up. It’s not painful – I’m on lots of medica-
major operation to lift the muscles and the fascia Must only take button-up tops and pyjamas as it’s tions – but my face is really restricted and my jaw
under the face, not just the skin. It reportedly hard to get anything over your head with all of the aches from having my mouth open for so long
has the longest-lasting results (around 10 years stitches and bandaging. There’s so much to think during the procedure.
usually) but it’s a technical and complex opera- about and it all feels very unknown. Shocked to hear that the operation took six
tion which needs an experienced doctor. hours and that I needed a fat transfer from my
I sent photos of my face to a surgeon in Turkey One month to go chin to the area around the cheeks to create
contacted through a UK-based medical-tourism I’ve started telling friends I’m really going more volume.
company. They organised an online consultation through with it. Many are supportive, but oth- When I look in the mirror, it’s like a particu-
with a plastic surgeon I’ll call Dr K, based in a ers try to talk me out of it or say it’s ‘vain’, ‘stu- larly battered cage fighter is staring back at me.
hospital in Antalya. He’s experienced in deep pid’ or ‘unnecessary’. It feels like if you dare say, Feeling weepy and regretful.

18
16 J u l y 2 02 2
One day post-op sometimes itchy, it’s the exhaustion that’s tak-
I’m discharged from hospital with a bag of med- ing it out of me. Even gentle walks around the

ication, including painkillers and antibiotics to park are flooring me. I wish I’d stayed in Turkey
prevent infection. At the hotel I try to sleep. I’m for two weeks, not one.
exhausted yet can’t doze off. I must remain
upright for the next few days to help excess fluid Three weeks post-op
drain away and not irritate the stitches – a chal- Someone asked me if I regretted the operation
lenge for a side sleeper like me. My eyes are too today and I honestly can’t answer. Ask me again
puffy to find my way to the ice machine down in a month when the swelling should have gone
the corridor and I’m wearing a ‘face bra’ – the down much more. Taking vitamin B to help
equivalent of a pair of surgical stockings, which nerves repair as I am still struggling with my
goes under your chin and around your head – mouth and jaw, and a dent has appeared in my
both to support my face and to keep bruising and cheek. Now the bruising is subsiding, I’ve
swelling down. noticed my sideburns have disappeared – pre-
The antibiotics and painkillers are making me sumably part of the skin that was cut off when it
feel a bit odd and in the middle of the night I wake was all pulled tighter. Strange.
up depressed. The hugeness of this has just hit me. Sunglasses are agony on the scars behind
my ears.
Three days post-op
Struggling being on my own. There’s a language One month post-op
barrier (despite being a vegetarian, in hospital I’m healing well, the bruising has mainly gone,
I was served chicken soup at dinner because I but my face is still puffy and nowhere near what
couldn’t make myself understood). I’m also bat- it will end up like (I hope!). There are a couple of
tling crippling tiredness as I lost a lot of blood. things I’m not happy with – the pucker in the
Most other people seem to be here with someone muscle under my cheek for one – but Dr K will
and I wish I had the same. take a view on it at the six-month mark when
Someone from the medical-tourism company Deborah Ellis in 2019 things should be more settled.
in the UK has shared videos that were taken of Anxiety has also reared its head, which I think
‘Someone asked me if I regretted

the operation today and I honestly
can’t answer’
my procedure with me, but I don’t have the stom- disadvantage of doing this abroad is that I can’t is due to the perimenopause as much as adjusting
ach to look at them just yet. just pop in to see him. When the facelift itself has to my post-surgery face.
I am fascinated by my reflection though. I’m settled – in a year! – he’ll revise any elements that
heavily bruised but I expected to look a bit grue- aren’t quite right free of charge. I feel like my new Two months post-op
some – someone has cut my facial muscles and face is starting to take shape and can’t wait to see As the results start to become more obvious, I’m
reattached them so it was never going to be pretty. the proper results, but that feels like a long way off. pleased I don’t have that ‘facelifted’ stretched
Told the cabin crew what I’d had done and look. I look natural, fresher, no longer exhausted
Six days post-op they brought me ice for my face and found me a and, most importantly, I’m happier when I look
Saw Dr K today to have my plasters taken off my spare row of seats so I could be more reclined. in the mirror.
eyes. He signed my fit-to-fly form after checking I’m bone-tired so was glad to be met at the air- But having a facelift doesn’t change your life.
me over. port by my friend, who promptly told me how I’m still struggling with anxiety – a fact that’s
Later, I go to the salon to get my hair (gently) good I look and that now she wants to have a been made harder because I can’t go to the gym
washed as I can’t do it myself due to needing to facelift too. as my face is still healing – and my jaw joint is
keep my face dry. After days of blood-matted It’s a relief to be back in Kent. I’m proud of really painful which is hindering my eating. This
hair, it is heaven. myself for going for it, but the challenge of recov- complication puts me off undergoing any further
COURTESY OF DEBORAH ELLIS, INSTAGRAM @FACELIFTAT50
I’ve been warned it can take up to a year to ery is just beginning. I’m more out of action than work on my face to correct things. Hopefully it
fully heal from the procedure as my face has I thought and can’t believe I imagined I could go will resolve in the coming months.
practically been taken off and relaid. Went out to straight back to work. My friend has agreed to For me, this procedure has actually been as
the shops for some scar cream, but other than keep Kobe for me for a few more days and look much of a psychological change as a physical one.
that, I’ve just been drinking plenty of water, eat- after the shop so I can rest. Most of us employ a bit of artifice, whether that’s
ing healthily and reading Hollywood Wives: The Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. dyeing your hair, having Botox, wearing make-up
New Generation by Jackie Collins to keep my I’ve picked up a pregnancy ‘V’ pillow to (hope- or a pair of Spanx. I’ve got nearly 1,000 followers
mind occupied. fully) help me sleep in a slightly reclined position. on my facelift Instagram account and they’ve all
been positive about my decision. I’ve been open
Seven days post-op Eleven days post-op about having a facelift because, this is me, you
Going home today. I’m connected with Dr K on I get my beloved pug Kobe back today for snug- know? I’m 50 this year, I’ve done the single mum
WhatsApp where he says he’ll always be availa- gles and have decided to take a little while thing and my son is grown up, I’ve run my own
ble for help or advice. I hope that’s true as one longer off work. While the incisions are sore and business. This is my time to make me happy.

Words by Portraits by Pictured right
DEBOR A H LIN TON SIMON BR AY A ND H A R RY L AW LOR A N NA FOW LER

The removal man’s six-year
stealing spree
Moving house is stressful – the handing over of personal,

and possibly valuable, items to be packed away by
professionals involves a bond of trust. But what happens
when that trust is broken and your precious belongings
end up sold to strangers and lost for ever? That’s what
happened to Anna Fowler, and other families, when an
Oxfordshire removal man took advantage of his job to
steal his vulnerable clients’ irreplaceable possessions
16 J u l y 2 02 2
21
When contacted by the police, Reid said, ‘We’d written off all hope’

Phil Reid and his wife were robbed of jewellery and reported it to the police six years before Martin Bateman was arrested
E
mily Gasztowtt was at home in Switzer- a drawing of Paddington Bear that had hung in to Luker Bros to report the theft. ‘They said they
land when a message flashed up on her her childhood bedroom; and the Freer, bought had complete trust in their staff,’ he says. ‘My
phone from her brother, Charlie, in from the artist 30 years earlier. The collection understanding is that Bateman arrived at the
Oxfordshire. It was 7.30pm on a Tuesday was worth in the region of £20,000. auction house to collect his cheque that after-
night, in December 2019, and Charlie was at his They were scheduled for sale at Jones & Jacob noon, only to learn of Emily’s call, and simply
desk, checking the last of the day’s emails, when auction house in Oxford at 10am the next day – it turned and left.’
a banner from an auction site appeared at the would later transpire that the auctioneers had Bateman resigned eight days later. He was
bottom of his screen. He regularly bought from accepted Bateman’s consignments up to twice a arrested in February 2020. That July, officers
fine art auctioneers but this painting, a fruit bowl week for six years. Before doors opened, Emily tel- emailed Emily to inform her there were other
in blue acrylic, looked familiar. ‘I clicked through ephoned to halt the sale – and called the police. victims. In January this year, he was convicted of
and there it was,’ he recalls. ‘A picture I’d often As an investigation got underway, the scale of 11 counts of theft and jailed for two years at
admired in Emily’s home.’ 55-year-old Bateman’s crimes became clear and a Oxford Crown Court. But Bateman could have
He messaged her: ‘Are you selling your Roy network of victims emerged. Between 2014 and been stopped years earlier.
Freer?’ ‘Nope,’ she replied. 2019, while working for a local, fifth-generation, Phil Reid, 66, and his wife, Gleide, 62, raised
What happened next revealed an audacious family-run removals firm, Luker Bros, he had sto- the alarm in 2014, when Bateman moved them to
theft leading back to one person: a removals man, len tens of thousands of pounds of art, jewellery central Oxford. ‘I tipped him and a younger chap
Martin Bateman, who had packed up Emily’s and antiques from families. £50,’ remembers Phil, a consulting engineer. But
home three months earlier. With that, she became ‘Bateman was quiet, shifty,’ remembers Emily, one thing stuck in his mind. ‘When they moved
the last in a long list of victims to find their treas- who was at her house alone on moving day. She the bedroom chest of drawers, they took the
ured artworks and family heirlooms looted and had paid £2,500, plus £120-a-month storage, and drawers out to make it lighter. At the new house,
consigned to auction to line his pockets. is the only victim to have recovered her stolen they put them back in on the driveway. It seemed
‘My heart was in my mouth,’ remembers items before they were sold. odd.’ In fact, as Gleide watched from the door-
Emily, 52. ‘Items of huge sentimental value ‘He came with two colleagues. We had the way, Bateman did not want her to be able to peer
appeared on screen, one after the next.’ A har- radio on, I made coffee and gave them a couple of inside and see what was missing.
bour scene by oil painter David Curtis, bought things I no longer needed. Bateman asked how The top drawer had contained jewellery,
with her grandfather’s inheritance; a 19th-cen- long my items would be in storage. I said it could including a 19th-century diamond pendant,
tury bust of a girl with a lace bonnet; mother-of- be 10 years. I must have been prime prey.’ worth £700, passed down to Gleide by her
pearl cutlery; a cast bronze model of her hands; The morning of the auction, Charlie, 45, went mother-in-law. There was also an 18ct-gold ring

24
16 J u l y 2 02 2
with seven diamonds – an 18th-birthday present understanding of it beyond pilfering pieces that and carriage by post-impressionist Paul Maze,
to their daughter – and a signet ring intended for he hoped might be valuable. DC Oliver explains: among other items. Maze’s work sells for up to

one of their two sons. Gleide, who owns an inte- ‘It would appear that he questioned people’s £18,000. Fowler’s sold for £300. ‘Paul Maze
rior design shop, noticed them missing the next intentions, after they moved, to identify whether taught my grandfather to paint. That had never
morning, along with an engraved silver soup they would miss or realise their items were miss- been on the open market. When I noticed they
ladle – a wedding gift from Phil’s grandmother. ing. He also assisted clients moving items into were missing my heart was in my mouth.’
They reported their suspicions to Luker Bros storage, which would potentially delay the report A comment by Bateman’s colleague stayed
but were encouraged to continue looking for the time or memory of the items ever existing.’ with Fowler: ‘He said, “You’ve got so many paint-
B
missing items. They called the police, and Bate- ings you wouldn’t miss a few.” At the time I
man was interviewed but Detective Constable ateman had seven previous convictions, laughed awkwardly.’ There is a suspicion among
Charlotte Oliver, who led the 2020 investigation, but had worked for Luker Bros since the victims that at least one of Bateman’s col-
explains: ‘There was no supporting evidence. As 2009, on over 2,400 removals. Mean- leagues was either an accomplice or afraid or
it was only one theft, it was filed [as] insufficient while, he became a regular at Jones & unprepared to speak up. When Fowler reported
evidence after being investigated.’ Jacob, delivering £54,000 worth of goods over six her missing items to Luker Bros, she was told
Bateman was interviewed by his employers, years, although the items he admitted to stealing they must be in the house. ‘There was an insist-
too, but denied all knowledge. As Judge Maria sold for just £5,100. They included 11 designer ence,’ says Fowler. ‘I became full of self-doubt.’
Lamb described, when sentencing him eight handbags, solid silver items and more than two Police later discovered a second Maze of Fowl-
years later, he ‘brazened it out’. When the Reids dozen works of art. Among the most significant was er’s had been auctioned – an oil painting of Lon-
heard from police in 2020, they were stunned. a painting by French impressionist Pierre Adolphe don Bridge, which had hung above the piano in
‘We’d written off all hope,’ says Phil. Valette – LS Lowry’s teacher – of Manchester’s her parents’ home: ‘I have the piano but there’s a
Bateman, it emerged during the trial, was a Oxford Road, once loaned to the city’s gallery and space on my wall where the painting should go.’
gambling addict; he was divorced but had a fian- belonging to a retired 71-year-old professor who In March 2020, Fowler had a call from Thames
cée who left him when his crimes came to light. moved to rural France in October 2019. Valette’s Valley Police. ‘I was in my garden. They were
Comments on a local news story claim that he pieces have sold for up to £20,000. Bateman also investigating a series of thefts and there was one
had been stealing for years. One claimed: ‘I’ve siphoned off a painting by Bernard Dunstan RA, person they were building a case against. It
seen him take kids’ money boxes and laugh.’ lithographs, antique maps and stamp collections. brought some renewed sense that I might get
Indeed, Bateman was an opportunist. He had Another of his victims, Anna Fowler, was back my items.’
no background in art, nor any sophisticated robbed in May 2019 of a pastel painting of a horse In December 2019, the same month the net
‘I got an uneasy feeling from Bateman. He was unhelpful’
Ffiona Perigrinor lost items of huge sentimental value to her family

was closing in on Bateman, Fowler had been more costly civil claim against new owners, if from Bateman. He was unhelpful. When I tipped
invited by Luker Bros to make an insurance their identities are revealed. Some are consider- them £50, Bateman looked embarrassed.’

claim, having previously been refused. Like ing civil action and a small group are looking at He’d stolen eight pewter plates, a Japanese
other victims, she has yet to take up the offer, pooling resources to instruct lawyers. wood-block print – a gift from a friend – and a
O
keener on being reunited with her treasures. hand-coloured 1700s map of the West Indies and
‘Nothing they can offer will compensate me. ver a year before Fowler’s theft, in her ex-husband’s native St Lucia, worth £400.
Their value, to me, is priceless,’ says Fowler. August 2018, Barry Stride, 72, used ‘It is of tremendous sentimental value,’ she says.
Jones & Jacob have made some effort to trace Luker Bros to move to a rented, three- ‘We spent our honeymoon there and took our
buyers although no names have been released to storey town house from France, where children. It’s part of our family history. I called
victims, citing data protection. Luker Bros have he had lived for 20 years, with his wife Monique Luker Bros and was told to look in my cupboards.
instructed lawyers to deal with the victims. ‘We and their now teenage son. The couple worked It was clear to me they’d been stolen. The firm
feel really let down and frustrated,’ says Fowler. for the UN in Pakistan and Afghanistan in the told me to report it to the police.’
Art lawyer and former senior counsel at 1990s and acquired a collection of Turkmen car- Perigrinor contacted Thames Valley Police in
Sotheby’s Lisette Aguilar, of Keystone Law, says pets, over 100 years old. February 2019 but officers made no link with Phil
the case is ‘rare but not unheard of ’, adding, ‘The The couple paid Luker Bros £8,567 for Bate- Reid’s 2014 complaint. DC Oliver says: ‘Suspects
story shouldn’t be over. It’s possible for the vic- man and a colleague to arrive at 9am on a bright were not identified so the case was, again, filed.’
tims to apply for a court order, demanding that summer’s morning near the French-Swiss When police called the following year, build-
auctioneers disclose buyers’ details.’ border. ‘One conversation never left my head,’ ing a case against Bateman to present in court,
Auction houses are not formally regulated and says Stride, who was widowed last year. ‘I told Perigrinor was amazed: ‘They immediately sent
sellers not legally required to prove ownership; Bateman’s colleague that we may use them again, through pictures of my items. I was relieved
the lack of paper trail makes it difficult to trace when we leave the rental. He replied, “I don’t somebody believed me.’
stolen goods. Legislation only demands that want to be there then.”’ Stride believes Bateman’s More than a year had passed between Per-
questions are asked of those consigning goods colleague must have known what he was up to – igrinor’s move and the start of the police investi-
over £10,000. Bateman’s thefts fell below that and that he chose to turn a blind eye. gation. DC Oliver explains how they eventually
threshold, however due diligence is encouraged The couple placed boxes in the garage but found the evidence to pursue him: ‘When Emily
to prevent bad sales. noticed their two biggest carpets missing when Gasztowtt reported her case, we identified a sus-
Aguilar says, ‘When there’s a pattern of behav- they moved to a new home the following year; pect straight away as he had sold the items at the
iour like Bateman’s, alarm bells should be ring- police alerted them to a third missing rug when auction house under his own name. Using the
ing. I’d be interested to know what questions, if their investigation identified the Strides as vic- information provided by the auction house along
any, they asked about where he got those items.’ tims. Each cost more than £800; one sold at with customer complaints from Luker Bros and
Alexander Herman, director of the Institute of Jones & Jacob for £80. crime reports, further victims were identified. It
Art and Law, adds, ‘There is a dark and murky Three weeks after moving the Strides, Bate- was difficult as many clients who move house
world of stolen art, progressively being illumi- man was dispatched to a small cottage rented by don’t make a full inventory and don’t necessarily
nated. Many of these victims still own their items Ffiona Perigrinor, 78, a psychoanalyst, who paid miss items straight away.’
in law (title deeds extinguish six years after the Luker Bros £2,800 to move her into a house two The police condemned Bateman for ‘making a
first good faith sale following theft) giving police miles away. It was her fifth time using the firm. commodity of his victims’ memories’. Judge
an option to seize them if they resurface.’ ‘I’m an old hand at moving. I always pack pre- Lamb said of his crimes: ‘The gain was signifi-
He advises victims to log their items with the cious items myself,’ says the grandmother of five, cant; the loss is incalculable.’
Art Loss Register, which scans auction cata- who bought coffee and chocolates for Bateman’s Emily Gasztowtt’s brother Charlie and Per-
logues for stolen works. They could also bring a crew on moving day. ‘I got an uneasy feeling igrinor were both in court. ‘He was completely
unemotional. He looked straight ahead,’ says
Charlie. The victims have seen justice but, apart
from Emily, they remain no closer to retrieving
their precious items.
‘Nothing they can offer will compensate me’ Like auction houses, removals are unregu-
lated. Luker Bros is a member of the British Asso-
ciation of Removers, which received a customer
service complaint from Perigrinor in 2019. Luker
Bros described Bateman as ‘one bad apple’.
Fowler reflects: ‘So many roads led back to
Bateman. The utter lack of regulation across two
industries has made this difficult.’
Emily Gasztowtt agrees, ‘I’d love there to be a
system in place whereby this could never hap-
pen again. This man was paid to be in my home.
I told him jokes and made cups of tea. I felt upset
and violated.’
Perigrinor will leave no stone unturned in the
search: ‘There are times I feel angry and upset.
Better regulation would have saved a lot of heart-
ache. On the back of each painting I have gath-
ered over the years I stick a label and write, for
my grandchildren, why it is important to me. If
my map is ever returned, there would be a very
long story to write now, indeed.’
Luker Bros and Jones & Jacob were approached by
Anna Fowler (also pictured on the opening page) lost two post-impressionist artworks The Telegraph Magazine but declined to comment

Nostalgia

withh ice
e an
and
a slic
ce
You might remember

bell-bottoms, Abba
anthems and Abigail’ss
Party with horror, butt
now millennials and
Gen Z are embracing alla
things ’70s. Even scariier,
it’s without a hint of
irony, says Laura Craikk
28 The Telegr aph M aga zine
EVERYONE has photographs from their childhood that they’d Clockwise from
rather forget. When you’re a child of the 1970s, the shame takes left: Alessandro
Michele brings the

on an added dimension. There were no cute frocks or winsome 1970s to the Gucci
jumpers for the 1970s child: just corduroy bell-bottoms, Crim- autumn/winter
plene shirts, polyester dresses and crochet waistcoats, in vari- 2022 catwalk; the
ous hues of orange, purple, mustard or brown. The reason every Bee Gees hit the
decade’s highest
’70s child looks slightly pained in these photos is because they notes; Abba
were mortified about their hair. The Alexa, the Rachel and the winning Eurovision
Lady Di having yet to be invented, it was inevitably cut in the in 1974; disco divas,
shape of a pudding bowl, a style with an unfailing ability to make circa 1975
everyone look equally hideous.
For those who lived through the 1970s, the prospect of the era
being back in fashion is an amusing one. When you’ve worn it all
the first time around, the second time around feels like costume.
But then, 1970s fashion is costume, and that’s precisely its
appeal. It’s why Gucci’s Alessandro Michele is so fixated on the
decade, knowing that its exaggerated proportions, garish prints
and luxuriant, richly coloured fabrics are perfectly placed to
make a splash not only on the red carpet, but on social media, a
platform that rewards a strong visual message. Elton John play-
ing piano in his novelty sunglasses, Pam Grier slaying in over-
sized gold hoops and a cropped disco shirt and Marc Bolan
performing in platform boots and sequinned catsuits are but a
handful of iconic 1970s looks that were Instagram-friendly long
before Instagram was invented.
The stylist Luke Jefferson Day has been dressing in homage to
the 1970s ever since finding a flared three-piece pinstriped suit in
a charity shop as a schoolboy. ‘I thought I looked like John Tra-
volta, who I was obsessed with thanks to Saturday Night Fever. My
parents’ heyday was the 1970s, so a lot of my appreciation of it was
through seeing photos of them. They definitely influenced my film
and music tastes. I loved that era of Kris Kristofferson, and Warren
Beatty in Shampoo – all that hedonistic glamour.’ Day frequently
‘My parents’ heyday was the 1970s,

styles his clients in reverence to the 1970s – most recently Sam
Ryder, Britain’s Eurovision entry whose Ziggy Stardust-esque
catsuit was one of the strongest, campest looks of the night.
Talking of catsuits, let’s not forget Abba, a band that defined the
1970s and whose Abba-tars are currently wowing fans old and
so a lot of my appreciation of it was
new courtesy of their Voyage tour. Six years in the making, the
90-minute set sees Agnetha, Anni-Frid, Björn and Benny perform through seeing photos of them’
on 65-million-pixel screens that use the latest motion-capture
technology to render them as avatars. While the idea is to take
concert-goers back in time to 1979, the costumes aren’t faithful to
the originals but instead interpret their ‘aura’, according to cos-
tume designer Bea Åkerlund. There are 20 costume changes,
including designs by Dolce & Gabbana and Manish Arora, through-
out the show. ‘They were tidied versions of the original – much
sleeker, better quality and definitely less nylon,’ according to my
friend Debbie, who recently saw the show, and is such an Abba fan
that she celebrated her 50th birthday dressed as Anni-Frid, in a
shiny gold catsuit. Held on a boat on the Thames, her 1970s-themed
party was attended by Cher, Carly Simon, Joni Mitchell, Ziggy
Stardust, Stevie Nicks and three Elvises, one on rollerskates.
Not that it’s solely midlifers who are keen to dress up in bell-
bottoms, gold lamé and leopard print: 1970s-themed parties are
currently popular with their children, too. For Gen Z, the appeal
isn’t so much driven by nostalgia as vicariousness: it’s a way of
tapping into the sort of hedonism that was denied to them for 18
months during the pandemic. ‘I’m obsessed with Studio 54,’ says
fashion student Arthur, 19, who binge-watched the BBC ’70s crime
drama The Serpent and Halston, the Netflix series about the rise
and fall of the storied New York designer.
‘Clubbing is a rite of passage for people my age, but because
GETTY IMAGES
it was denied us, we idealise it maybe more than millennials

do. Studio 54 was the ultimate nightclub. It’s not just about
Bianca Jagger on her white horse. The music was brilliant, too.

I have my mum to thank for getting me into disco. I prefer it to free time – even if it wasn’t really like that. The economic
more modern stuff.’ upheaval of the decade was considerable, and try being a person

Certainly when it comes to music, the 1970s’ reputation as the of colour in 1970s Britain, or a member of the LGBTQ commu-
decade taste forgot is unwarranted. You don’t have to have lived nity. But in terms of fashion, music, interiors and food, it was still
through it to appreciate the genius of Elton John, Fleetwood Mac, a decade of self-expression, where people had freedom to exper-
Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross or the Bee Gees. You do, arguably, have iment and indulge in their taste without fear of the sort of judg-
to have lived through it to detest its furniture and homeware. ment we’re so surrounded by now, be it on social media or from
Flock wallpaper, shagpile carpets and avocado bathroom myriad lifestyle gurus.
suites are never going to be coveted by those who grew up with Not that A-list lifestyle gurus are exempt from the allure of the
them, many of whom furnished their own homes in minimalist 1970s either. Describing her pubic hair on a chat show, Gwyneth
Paltrow once famously said, ‘I work a 1970s vibe’, while the
make-up artist Charlotte Tilbury is wedded to the 1970s, certainly
in respect of her mane of red, Farrah Fawcett-style hair.
Chefs, too, are enamoured of the period. ‘I grew up with a
couple of retro cookbooks on the kitchen shelves that as a child I
found unappealing but later grew to love,’ says the food writer
Jasmine Hemsley, whose Kent home is an ode to 1970s suburbia.
‘The food seemed to ooze an experimental party feel. I remember
cheese-and-pineapple hedgehogs at my birthday parties, and my
parents serving half-avocado boats filled with vinaigrette. I’ve
always been game for a fondue and a punch bowl.’
One of the virtues of 1970s recipes is that value for money was
at the front of everyone’s mind. The cheaper meat cuts beloved of
the ’70s – brisket, pork hock and minced beef – are enjoying a
revival, as are hearty, budget-friendly dishes such as casseroles.
One 40-something friend has started making corned beef plait, a
concoction of corned beef, onion, mushrooms and puff pastry that
was a staple of her childhood. ‘My kids demolished it,’ she smiles.
Much like their parents are demolishing piña coladas, the 1970s
party drink that is now the most popular cocktail in the UK,
according to a recent survey. Maraschino cherry optional.
Or you could have it with ice and a slice, the garnish beloved
of Beverly in Mike Leigh’s 1977 drama Abigail’s Party, recently
revived as a stage show by director Pravesh Kumar. If you haven’t
watched it, do. A more searing slice of social commentary never
lived, nor a funnier portrayal of the decade that taste might have
forgotten, but its fans never will.
‘The textures and colours have

always felt right to me – it looks
like everyone was having fun’
monochrome tones in reaction. Younger generations, however,
see these 1970s tropes through rose-tinted glasses. ‘My mum’s
generation grew up with 1970s decor, so they see it as dated and
gross, whereas my generation fantasises over the colours, prints
and lifestyle,’ says TV presenter and interiors guru Jade Williams,
whose homeware range, Poodle & Blonde, is heavily influenced by
the decade. Entering her Margate home is like stepping into a time
capsule: as well as a vintage palm-print sofa, wicker chairs and a
terrazzo floor, she has an original stone fireplace which even she
ALAMY, GETTY IMAGES, ©DANIEL LYNCH/EYEVINE
cheerfully describes as ‘a monstrosity’. Those wanting to get the

look, she says, should start with geometric-print cushions, rich
paint colours and wooded furniture in warm tones. ‘And you can’t
From above: beat a bit of brown velvet.’
Mike Leigh’s
Williams is too young to put her love of the 1970s down to nos-
Abigail’s Party,
1977; Jade Williams’ talgia, crediting it instead to her affinity with films from the period.
Margate home, ‘The textures and the colours have always felt right to me. The cre-
complete with ativity in 1970s interiors makes it look like everyone was having
palm-print
fun with it, and I love taking that fun and making it modern.’
sofa; chicken
drumsticks in a We could theorise all we like, but perhaps it’s simple: in fetish-
pineapple, anyone? ising the 1970s, we’re fetishising fun, and the idea of a more care-

32
The Telegr aph Maga zine
16 J u l y 2 02 2
T he brown bears

of the Pyrenees,
having been driven
to the brink of
extinction, are back
and in rude health.
But the hunted are
now the hunters and
farmers are furious
as their livestock
are slaughtered. We
enter the ‘landscape
of fear’ to witness a
conservation success
story – or the death
of a way of life
Words by Photography by
JOE SHUTE MILIE DEL

Vultures are circling over
feared by the shepherds is something called a
dérochement, where a single bear attack sends an

entire flock tumbling down a mountain slope.
The French government pays out compensa-
the high passes on the Cirque de Gérac. The birds they supplement with small mammals. As their tion (about €200-250 per animal) and grants to
swoop in and out of the early morning fog, scan- population has expanded, the bears have devel- help mitigate the costs of dealing with the bears.
ning the pastures below for signs of fresh meat. oped a particular taste for sheep, targeting the These include paying for electric fences, and hir-
There are rich pickings in this wild and remote flocks of the pastoralist shepherds like Périssé ing shepherds to stay with the flocks up on the
valley in the Ariège region of the French Pyrenees; who graze the mountain meadows. mountain. None the less, Périssé estimates the
a place where death can now strike at any time. The animals are also coming into regular con- extra cost to be around €4,000-5,000 per year
As I walk down the mountain slopes with flict with hunters. Last November in Ariège a per farmer.
shepherd Philippe Périssé to inspect his flock, we hunter nearly died after surprising a female bear Périssé, who has a flock of about 300 Tarascon-
find the remains of a recently killed sheep, the and her cubs. The bear severed a femoral artery naise (a local hardy breed), is a stickler for tradi-
bones stripped clean. Nearby its hide has been in the 70-year-old’s leg before he shot it dead. tion; which is why he would never contemplate
expertly skinned from the body. Philippe flips it Despite his injuries, he survived, but could yet removing the bells from his animals, despite them
over with his ganchou (the Pyrenean version of a face trial after it emerged he was hunting in a attracting bears. He proudly tells me his family has
shepherd’s crook) to find his family moniker ‘SA’ nature reserve. It is a case that encapsulates the farmed sheep in this part of the Pyrenees since at
stamped on the bloody wool. divides over the return of the bears. In June a least the French Revolution. In the family farm-
‘It was a bear,’ he says, grimly. ‘They will walk group of hunters protested outside a local police house built in 1832, where he lives, he has a pic-
off with the sheep in their mouths like a fox with station against the ongoing investigation. Else- ture above the stairs of his great-great-grandfather
a chicken.’ where farmers have blocked roads and even posing with a bear cub. He tells me he used to go
The fog swirling around us is common in this dumped the corpses of sheep killed in bear out and shoot the mothers and then steal the off-
region, enveloping the jagged peaks and scree attacks at local town halls. spring to turn into performing bears to tour the
slopes and rolling over the meadows. Bears have A number of bears have also met a bloody local villages of Ariège. ‘The story of the bears is
notoriously poor eyesight and so, Périssé says, end. Since the reintroduction programme the story of my family,’ he says.
have adapted to time their attacks with the started, about 50 have died, seven were by But now the bears are winning. As a result of
weather, creeping towards the noise of the tin- human hands. In early 2020 one of the reintro- the increasing attacks, he says, 69 éleveurs across
kling bells the sheep wear around their necks. duced bears, a six-year-old male called Cachou, the Pyrenees have quit in recent years. He too
The bells are part of a pastoralist tradition to was discovered lying at the bottom of a ravine fears he may be the last in his family. His 27-year-
locate their animals on the mountains, although having ingested a stomachful of antifreeze. old daughter now lives in Guadeloupe while his
the bears are also now taking advantage of this to Despite police launching a wide-ranging inves- 22-year-old son works as a butcher in nearby
launch surprise attacks. ‘Sometimes when the tigation into the killing of a protected animal, no Toulouse, and neither have shown any intention
weather is like this I will stand here and listen to one has yet been prosecuted. of taking the business on.
the bears crunching the bones through the mist,’ Two years ago Périssé, an athletic 53-year-old It is not just bears, of course. In France, as in
Périssé tells me as we walk, his three border col- possessing a shepherd’s gait and the crooked nose the UK, the next generation are increasingly
lies hugging close to our side. of a former rugby player, discovered the body of turning their backs on rural traditions, while the
This is bear country: the epicentre of the another brown bear close to where we are stand- small-scale pastoralists who pride themselves on
remarkable return of these apex predators to the ing. Fortunately, he tells me, he was with a forest the quality of meat and cheese their flocks pro-
Pyrenees over the past 26 years. The animals ranger at the time, otherwise suspicion would duce are struggling to compete against intensive
were once commonplace across the Pyrenees (a have fallen upon him. After all, like many of the farming practices. But Périssé particularly
270-mile-long mountain range running along farmers here, he has bad blood with the bears. blames his new neighbours for hastening the
the border between France and Spain), but over Between himself and the five other sheep decline. ‘Lots of éleveurs are quitting,’ he says.
the course of the 20th century were pushed to farmers, known as éleveurs, who graze their ‘This is the death of pastoralism.’
the edge of extinction, with just half a dozen or so flocks together in the mountains during summer As he points out the various locations where
animals remaining. In 1996 it was decided to to better protect against bear attacks, he says bears have been seen recently (he personally has
reintroduce bears, with successive releases of 11 ‘hundreds’ of sheep are killed every year. Most encountered them five times on the mountains),
brown bears from Slovenia. At the most recent
count there are now 70 bears roaming the Pyre-
nees – the highest number for a century.
The astonishing success of the scheme has
been hailed by conservationists across the globe
as a cornerstone of rewilding, and one that
should inspire similar efforts elsewhere, includ-
BEAR TRAP IMAGE COURTESY OF GENERALITAT DE CATALUNYA

ing in the UK. Indeed, when he became chief
executive of The Wildlife Trusts in 2020, Craig
Bennett argued in an interview with The Tele-
graph that, alongside beavers and lynx, bears
should be reintroduced to Britain, having been
extinct since the Middle Ages (although he added
any such release would be ‘a long way off ’).
Philippe Périssé has an altogether different
view. ‘It is like living with a lion,’ he argues.
Bears are omnivores and successional feeders.
When they emerge from hibernation in late win-
ter they will eat the carcasses of animals they dis-
cover in the snowmelt before progressing on to
fruits and berries throughout the year, which

Below: shepherd Philippe Périssé patrols the mountain slopes. Bottom left: a bear caught on camera the Pyrenees over the course of the 20th century
as they were no longer deemed necessary to

ward off the predators, but now many shepherds
are again increasingly relying on patous. How-
ever in Ariège in particular, many are reluctant to
bring the dogs up on to the mountains for fear of
them attacking tourists.
A
nne-Lawre Brault, a 40-year-old shep-
herd who for the past three summers has
marshalled a flock of sheep in Ariège,
says while she personally would welcome work-
ing with patous for greater security, because of
that concern about attacks on tourists, she is
continuing to use a team of three Border collies.
She keeps a can of anti-bear spray in the orange
van where she sleeps at night. ‘If I am ever that
close to a bear I don’t think I will be able to use
it,’ she admits.
Another Ariège sheep breeder, Robin Cazalet,
also admits his reluctance to use the dogs,
despite losing more than 220 sheep to bears over
the past three years. ‘If a human comes by they
can attack,’ says the 27-year-old. ‘It is a lot of pres-
sure for us. We are trying to do our normal work
and now must take care of the dogs. It feels like
the bears are destroying everything.’
We are talking in a cattle shed on the Cazalet
farm. Robin insists that he takes the importance
of protecting a landscape that has sustained his
family for generations extremely seriously. He
doesn’t use any chemicals on his farm, keeps a
small flock of 230 breeding sheep which do not
overgraze the mountain meadows, and as we
speak housemartins flit in and out of the win-
dows, nesting in the eaves of the barn.
The overwhelming popular support among
conservationists, politicians and the wider public
for the reintroduction of bears has in turn, he says,
demonised the farmers losing livestock to them.
‘What is really hard is the pressure of public opin-
ion. It is always against us and it makes us feel like
murderers when actually we are the victims.’
He admits he is now contemplating giving up
a career that he felt he was born to do. When I
mention the possibility of bears also returning
to the UK one day, his eyes widen in shock. ‘It
‘What is really
I wonder if he would once again like to see the would be an economic catastrophe,’ he cautions.
animals entirely extirpated from Ariège? Responsibility for the bears is complicated by
‘Bien sur,’ he grins. the porous borders of the Pyrenees, which span
And yet, bears belong here. Fossilised remains
have confirmed brown bears living in the Pyre- hard is the France, Spain and Andorra. The majority of the
bears have been released in Melles – a French bor-
pressure of
nees around 200,000 years ago – if not longer. der village in the Haute-Garonne region – although
The pastoralists, too, have been driving their they have since settled in a swathe of land between
livestock on to the high mountain slopes each Ariège and the Catalan Pyrenean regions of Val
summer for thousands of years in a process that
is steeped in tradition and known as the transhu- public opinion. d’Aran, Pallars Sobirà and Alta Ribagorça, where it
is estimated up to 65 bears occupy a land mass of
It makes us feel
mance. They have managed to coexist before, so between 3,000 and 4,000 sq km.
why not again? Santiago Palazón, a 56-year-old biologist
One possible solution is the use of Pyrenean employed by the government of Catalonia, has
mountain dogs known as patous. The dogs,
whose snowy white manes belie a ferocious tem- like murderers been involved with every introduction since
1996. That year the first two female bears were
when actually we
perament, were once a mainstay of mountain released – named Ziva and Melba – before being
shepherds. They are reared alongside the sheep joined the following year by a male called Pyros.
and spend their lives with the flock, attacking any- A strapping alpha weighing more than 300kg,
thing they deem a threat – including people. Use
of the dogs dwindled with the bear populations in are the victims’ he has since gone on to sire more than 30 cubs.
There has been no sign of him for the past three

36
16 J u l y 2 02 2
through the mountains, we arrive at one such the wolves, such as the growing numbers of
backscratcher with fresh golden clumps of bear mountain predators and climate change.

fur caught in the wire. The camera footage shows According to Palazón, the ‘landscape of fear’
a large male rubbing itself against the trunk. engendered by the bears is also attracting tour-
Palazón has measured himself up against the ists. Increasingly, guided walks are taking people
same tree and, when standing on its hind legs, into forests populated by bears, creating a new
the beast is a good head taller than the biologist, stream of revenue for locals. ‘Even if people can-
who is 6ft 2in and quite bear-like himself. not see bears they want to be in a forest where
But misdemeanours notwithstanding, Pala- there is the possibility of seeing them,’ he says.
zón gives an impassioned defence of bears. ‘They This is the root of the divide over the reintro-
have always lived here and people have killed duction of the bears, one that has crystallised
them. It is an ethical duty to bring them back.’ around the issue of town versus country. For tour-
He stresses their return also serves a vital eco- ists and people living outside of the Pyrenees, it is
years and he is now considered dead, although logical purpose. As bears roam they gobble up of course a thrill to have such wild animals back in
even in his absence, to have so much of the bur- seeds, which they then disperse through their Europe, even if we may never encounter them.
geoning population linked to one bear has raised scats, helping to boost biodiversity. Meanwhile, The bears also represent the righting of an ecolog-
fears over inbreeding and poor genetic diversity as apex predators they also serve an important ical wrong – restoring an apex predator nearly
in the Pyrenean bears. role in managing populations of deer and wild expunged by humanity. But for those dealing with
Palazón is leading me through a steep forest of boar which are exploding across the Pyrenees. As the daily reality of bear attacks, the return of
pine and fir in the Val d’Aran along a route regu-
larly patrolled by bears. It is mating season and so Below: a flock grazes in the mountain meadows. Above left: the bones of a sheep slaughtered by a bear
the animals – profligate breeders who will copu-
late with several partners – are on the prowl.
Palazón has encountered bears in the wild
more than 20 times and tells me there is no need
to worry – unless we accidentally surprise the
bears. When out on his own he will talk loudly to
himself. ‘It is better if the bears know we are
here,’ he tells me as we clamber through the
dense forest.
The released bears were initially monitored
through satellite tracking, but now, due to the
difficulty of recapturing them to attach a collar,
not a single bear is monitored. Instead the popu-
lation is measured through camera traps and
genetic testing of fur samples and bear faeces. He
estimates the population is growing by about 10
per cent a year. Ultimately, he argues, there is
sufficient habitat across the Pyrenees to sustain
more than 400 bears.
At various points in the mountains, conserva-
tionists wrap barbed wire around large trees and
train an automatic camera upon them. The bears
come along and rub their backs on the wire, leav-
ing behind samples of fur which are then sent for
genetic testing. After a gruelling two-hour hike
‘The bears
with the UK, where the Government has mooted the animals is an altogether different prospect.
a fresh cull of wild deer to contain a population As Périssé points out, unlike in Yellowstone, in
that has spread to two million (a number not seen the Pyrenees farmers, too, are sharing this land-
have always since the Norman Conquest), if left unchecked

the animals can have a detrimental impact by
scape. ‘Everyone wants the bears back,’ he says.
‘But no one wants them living next to them.’
lived here and

destroying young trees. Perhaps though, amid the acrimony, a rap-
prochement is slowly being reached. The latest
R
esearchers call this the ‘landscape of fear’ figures released by the French government in
people have where, although the actual number of ani-

mals eaten by bears is minimal, they still
December suggested that attacks on livestock
had fallen nine per cent on the previous year.
killed them.
effect large-scale change by restricting the move- Officials cite enhanced protection measures,
ment of species afraid of becoming prey. The such as the use of patou mountain dogs and elec-
most famous example of this is in Yellowstone trified fences, as well as nocturnal monitoring of
It is an ethical National Park in the US, where wolves were rein-

troduced in 1995. One YouTube video, which has
flocks for ‘contributing to the drop’.
Meanwhile, every year fresh cubs are born
duty to bring
been viewed more than 43 million times, argues and slowly repopulate the Pyrenees. It is an
that the wolves have reshaped the river valley as experiment that is proving unpredictable, bloody
elk became less likely to graze there due to fear of and at times downright savage, but one that can
them back’ attack. Researchers have since challenged this

thesis, claiming there are other factors beyond
be deemed a success on its own terms. For the
mountains grow wilder by the day.

Food
‘A good rosé

is deceptively
effortless
to drink –
it has flow’
VICTORIA MOORE
IS THINKING
SERIOUSLY PIN K
P. 5 5
RK HI X H O M E A N D AWAY
MA
Evoke that happy holiday feeling with
SUMMER BROTH
AND CUTTLEFISH deliciously different sardine dishes
T W O WAY S B y D I A N A H E N R Y P h o t o g r a p h y b y H A A R A L A H A M I L T O N Fo o d s t yl i n g b y VA L E R I E B E R R Y
P.4 7

It’s possible to go on holiday was what we had previously referred to wanted pilchards, not even in tins. My
just by cooking sardines. as ‘abroad’ and it was salty and oily and grandparents used to keep a couple of

I was reminded of this when hot and captivating. cans ‘just in case’; I got the impression
making the dishes below. On every holiday to Portugal – we that only nuclear war would have
As soon as I smell the scorched skin went there for years afterwards – allowed them to be opened. The very
and hear the hiss of salt as it hits the we rented houses so we could cook. word ‘pilchard’ sounds old-fashioned,
griddle, I’m in Portugal, on a warm We always bought sardines whole but pilchards are (drum roll) large
evening in Lagos, where the question from the market and scaled and gutted sardines! By a stroke of marketing
‘What will we eat?’ is answered at them ourselves. It makes your kitchen genius, the pilchard was renamed the
every turn. It isn’t just the smell of the smell like a fishmonger, but I’ve never ‘Cornish sardine’ in the early noughties.
sardines themselves – which is strong understood why people object to that. Cornish sardines speak of beach
– but the memory of these smells. The only thing that was hard was barbecues and drinking rosé in
You layer remembered smells on to working in really cold water and St Mawes. We still export most of our
real ones and are transported to a getting rid of the scales – they stick to catch, though – 80 per cent of it goes to
thousand hot summers. your skin like glitter. France, Spain and Portugal, which is
We went on our first family holiday If the sardines were small, we ate crazy when you think that sardines
to Portugal when I was 16. My siblings them without gutting them. You just are one of the last sustainable forms
and I exchanged worried glances as work round the innards, which are of wild fish in our seas.
we drove through parched land from bitter (though loved by some). We used Open your mind to cooking sardines
Faro airport. Nothing was green. to get through a load of these small ones in other ways, not just in Portuguese and
Lunch the next day changed at lunch. Afterwards, the debris always Italian dishes. I made sardine escabeche
everything. Our first meal was grilled looked comical, bones and fish heads on recently as the Spanish do, with vinegar,
sardines and tomato and onion salad, every plate, a table set for cats. adding saffron and shaved fennel. It
the onions so sweet you could eat them If gutting them yourself makes you looked spectacular. I gave some to my
raw. There was olive oil that you poured squeamish, ask your fishmonger to do it. friend May, who’s from Manila. ‘Make
yourself, papo secos – bread rolls – and I always eat sardines on the day I buy it like they do with lapu-lapu,’ she said.
little tubs of sardine pâté which, I them as they deteriorate quickly, Lapu-lapu is grouper, much-loved in the
gradually learnt, are always left on the though frozen sardines are an option Philippines, and is used there to make
table. The sardines were cooked outdoors, – I have cooked excellent ones from a sweet-sour escabeche. I tried it with
the only dish the restaurant made. We The Fish Society (thefishsociety.co.uk). sardines – also a staple in the
sat under faded umbrellas, looking over I most associate sardines with Philippines, enjoyed fresh, dried and
the sea, on plastic chairs that burned holidays, but they’re caught here too, off smoked – and ate this marriage of Spain
our legs. I simply couldn’t believe that the Cornish coast. Pilchard fishing there and south-east Asia. It was almost as
such places and such food existed. This was on its knees at one time. Nobody good as those first sardines in Portugal.
Filipino-style escabeche
Prep time: 15 minutes it was made in the – 1 onion, thinly – 2 spring onions, Transfer the fish to a Bring to the boil then
Cook time: 10 minutes, Philippines and only sliced trimmed and sliced broad shallow dish. simmer on a low heat
plus chilling time discovered this by – 3 garlic cloves, diagonally Wash the frying pan. for a couple of minutes
chance when a friend finely chopped Heat two tablespoons of until the vegetables
Serves 6 suggested the Filipino – 2cm root ginger, METHOD the oil in it and cook the have lost their rawness
version was superior cut into fine strips Dry the sardine fillets on onion and garlic over a but are still crunchy.
Escabeche is a dish to the Spanish one I’d – 1 carrot, cut into kitchen paper and brush medium heat, until soft Add the spring onions.
in which fish and made. In the Philippines strips them all over with oil. but not coloured. Pour this over the fish.
sometimes meat is this is made with – 1 small red and Heat a frying pan, Add the ginger, carrot Cover and leave to
cooked then marinated grouper – a big 1 small yellow pepper, season the sardines and and peppers, and cook cool, then chill for an
in a bath of vinegar, expensive fish – but halved, deseeded and cook them on a high for another four hour (you can leave
spices and vegetables. sardines are perfect. cut into thin strips heat, skin-side down minutes. Add the bay them longer). Take
It goes into the fridge to – 2 bay leaves first, so that you get a leaves, white wine them out before you
chill. There are different INGREDIENTS – 200ml white wine scorched skin. Then vinegar, 60ml water, want to serve them – so
versions in Spain, Italy, – 350g small-medium vinegar turn the heat down. sugar and tomato they’re not fridge-cold.
Latin America and the sardine fillets – 5 tbsp caster sugar You only need a purée, stirring to help
Caribbean. I had no idea – 3-4 tbsp groundnut oil – 2 tsp tomato purée minute or so each side. the sugar dissolve.
40 THE TELEGR APH M AGA ZINE 16 J U L Y 2 02 2

Sardines with burnt aubergine

Prep time: 30 minutes, – 40ml extra-virgin – 1 tbsp finely chopped gets cooked, until the up with a purée. Add all Wash the sardines
plus cooling time olive oil coriander aubergines are the other ingredients well inside and out, then
Cook time: 30 minutes – 50ml tahini paste completely tender. except the pomegranate dry them with kitchen
– juice of ½ large lemon For the sardines (They can also be seeds. Taste for paper. Brush all over
Serves 4 – 2 tbsp chopped – 12 whole sardines, cooked in a foil-lined seasoning – this needs with a little olive oil and
parsley cleaned (you may need pan under a very hot seasoning well, sprinkle with flaky salt.
I love the scorched – 4 tbsp pomegranate fewer or more, grill or over coals but it including with lemon Cook these on a hot
smoky flavour of burnt seeds depending on size) may take a little longer.) juice. The pomegranate barbecue or griddle,
aubergine, and I – olive oil Put them into a bowl seeds aren’t added now turning them over once
particularly love it with For the lemon purée – wedges of lemon and leave to cool but they will make a and cooking for 2-4
preserved lemon, honey – 100g preserved completely. There will difference when they minutes each side,
and pomegranate seeds lemons, halved or METHOD be juices in the bottom are (you need those depending on size.
as they provide such a quartered, all the If you have a gas hob, of the bowl. Pour these pops of tartness). Squeeze the juice of half
contrast. This is great seeds discarded put some foil around juices through a sieve Put everything for the a lemon over them.
eaten in a sandwich of – 1 tbsp brine from the two of the burners (this into a clean bowl – they preserved lemon purée You can serve
warm Arabic bread, preserved lemons is just to protect the have flavour. – except for the chilli everything in separate
though it works with – 2 tbsp extra-virgin area around them). Pull off the charred and coriander – into a bowls and platters,
ciabatta too. olive oil Light the burners. Put skin and the top of each food processor and scattering the
– 2 small garlic cloves, an aubergine on each aubergine and transfer blitz. Pour this into a pomegranate seeds
INGREDIENTS chopped burner using tongs. the flesh to the bowl bowl and add the chilli over the burnt
For the burnt aubergine – 1 tsp ground cumin Let them cook for 20 with the juices. Chop and coriander. Taste for aubergine. Offer bulgar
– 2 large aubergines – 2½ tbsp runny honey minutes, turning the messily using a knife sweet-sour balance. wheat or couscous on
– 2 small garlic cloves, – 1 red chilli, deseeded aubergines every so and fork – you don’t end You might want to add the side or serve with
finely grated and finely chopped often so that every bit up with cubes, you end some lemon juice. warm flatbreads.
Linguine with sardines and fennel
Prep time: 15 minutes, – 4 garlic cloves, METHOD Combine with the flakes, and cook for and cook the fleshy side
plus soaking time very finely sliced Put the bread and half bread, stirring well, add another five minutes for 1-2 minutes. Season
Cook time: 40 minutes – 6½ tbsp olive oil the garlic into a food pepper then tip the until the fennel is as you go and remove
– finely grated zest and processor and, using mixture into a bowl. golden, then add the them to a plate when
Serves 6 juice of ½ large lemon the pulse button, whizz Put the lemon juice drained currants and they’re cooked.
– 5 canned anchovies, until you have coarse into a bowl. Quarter the the pine nuts. Leave Gently heat the
This is basically a drained and chopped bits of bread (it fennel bulb, remove the this in the frying pan. fennel mixture in the
Sicilian dish that I am – 1 large fennel bulb shouldn’t be as fine as coarse outer layer and Dry the sardine fillets frying pan. Drain the
always making – 1½ tsp chilli flakes breadcrumbs). Heat one trim the tops (reserving with kitchen paper. Put pasta when it’s ready and
variations of. I love (less if you prefer) and a half tablespoons any fronds you find). a large pan of water on return it to the saucepan.
the sweet-savoury – 65g currants, soaked of the oil in a large Trim the base of each to boil. Salt it, add the Moisten the pasta with
influence which is a in just-boiled water frying pan and sauté quarter. Chop the linguine and cook the extra-virgin olive oil
legacy of the Moors, for 20 minutes, the bread bits until fennel flesh, chucking according to packet and season. Toss in the
but just leave out the then drained they’re golden, adding it into the lemon juice instructions. fennel mixture then,
currants if that isn’t – 65g toasted pine nuts the lemon zest once as you go (the lemon Meanwhile, brush the more gently, add the
your thing. I made this – 400g small sardine they have some colour. stops it discolouring). sardines with the sardines, then the
first at university where fillets Put a tablespoon of Heat two tablespoons remaining olive oil, heat reserved lemon juice,
it proved a good cheap – 400g linguine oil in a small frying pan of olive oil in the pan in a large pan until it’s parsley and any
meal when made with – 2 tbsp extra-virgin and add the anchovies. which you cooked the really hot and cook the fennel fronds.
tinned sardines. olive oil Cook them gently until crumbs and sauté the sardines in batches. Put Transfer to a big
– 5g parsley leaves, they’ve ‘melted’ (they fennel for 10 minutes, them skin-side down broad shallow bowl –
INGREDIENTS roughly chopped just dissolve in the until it’s quite soft first until they get a one that you’ve heated
– 115g ciabatta or heat), pressing them (reserving the lemon golden colour and a in the oven – and scatter
sourdough bread, down with the back of juice). Add the rest of little crispiness, then on the anchovy crumbs.
torn into pieces a wooden spoon. the garlic and the chilli flip the sardines over Serve immediately.

Mark hix
Found at sea
It’s always puzzled me that we send most if you have a budgie, get down to the shore.
of our landed cuttlefish abroad. It’s A few of the fishermen down here in
cheaper than squid and to my mind has Dorset fish for cuttle with pots shaped like
a much better texture and flavour, and it’s large lobster pots, and what we don’t take
far more versatile. Cuttlefish typically live for our Fish House restaurant goes off to the
for two years before reproducing market and then abroad. In one of this
and dying, which is why you often see week’s recipes I’ve both braised and grilled
their bones washed up on the beach – so it, two great ways of cooking cuttlefish.
LAMB AND they are really big, but bay leaf and thyme.
SUMMER whether you choose to Season with salt and

VEGETABLE or not is up to you. freshly ground black
BROTH pepper, bring to the boil
INGREDIENTS and simmer gently for
Prep time: 15 minutes – 250g leftover roast 45 minutes, skimming
Cook time: 50 minutes lamb or raw lamb neck occasionally, or until
fillet, roughly cut into the lamb is tender.
Serves 4 1cm dice Check the flavour of
– 2 litres lamb or the stock; if it’s not
I cooked a shoulder of chicken stock strong enough, you can
lamb in my new pizza – 1 bay leaf continue simmering to
oven a few weeks back. – a few thyme sprigs strengthen it.
I covered the lamb with – 150g broad beans, Meanwhile, cook the
bladderwrack seaweed podded weight broad beans in a pan
and so ended up with – 1 small leek, trimmed of boiling salted water
lovely crisp seaweed to and cut into rough for three minutes,
serve it with. The 1cm dice then remove the skins
leftover lamb and bones – 100g peas, podded if you wish.
went into a broth like weight Add the broad beans
this with vegetables. If – 100g green beans, cut to the lamb broth along
you haven’t recently into ½cm pieces, or with the leek, peas,
cooked a lamb joint, small broccoli florets and green beans or
you can buy some neck – 1 tbsp chopped parsley broccoli, then simmer
fillet and make it with for another five
that. I’m not usually one METHOD minutes. Check the
for taking the skins off Put the lamb in a seasoning, stir in the
my broad beans unless saucepan with the stock, parsley and serve.

CUTTLEFISH – 1 tbsp chopped parsley
BRAISED AND – vegetable or corn oil,
GRILLED for brushing
Prep time: 20 minutes METHOD

Cook time: 1 hour Gently cook the onion
and garlic in a knob of
Serves 4 butter, in a heavy-based
saucepan, for 5-8
Like squid, cuttlefish minutes until soft. Stir
freezes really well in the flour and
and is always handy to continue cooking on
have to hand, along a low heat for a minute.
with little sachets of Stir in the wine and
ink. You may need to ink, then gradually
order the ink from add the stock and
your fishmonger, and simmer for 10 minutes.
Italian delis often Add the cuttlefish
stock it. If you can’t tentacles, season,
get your hands on cover with a lid and
cuttlefish, then squid continue simmering
will work equally well gently for about 45
in this dish. minutes, until tender.
I’ve used some Cook the broad beans
monk’s beard, also and monk’s beard or
known as agretti, here, samphire in a saucepan
which I’ve been of boiling salted water
growing in my garden. for 6-7 minutes, until
It’s perfect for fish or tender, then drain. Shell
meat dishes and salads. the broad beans, if you
wish. Return the
INGREDIENTS vegetables to the pan
– 1 onion, finely along with a knob of
chopped butter and the parsley,
– 2 garlic cloves, finely and cover with a lid to
grated or crushed keep warm.
– 2 knobs of butter Meanwhile, cut the
– ½ tbsp plain flour cuttlefish into 3-4cm
– 100ml red wine pieces and season. Heat
– 2 x 4g sachets of a ridged griddle or
cuttlefish ink heavy frying pan,
– 500ml fish stock lightly oil the cuttlefish
(a good-quality cube and cook for 1-2 minutes
dissolved in that on each side; you can
amount of water put a pan on top to stop
will do) the pieces curling up,
– 700-800g cuttlefish if you like.
(including the Spoon the braised
tentacles), cleaned cuttlefish on to serving
weight plates, arrange the
– 100-120g broad beans, grilled pieces on top,
podded weight and scatter on the broad
– 100-120g monk’s beans and monk’s beard
beard or samphire or samphire.

KNICKERBOCKER INGREDIENTS the strawberries in a
GLORY – 120ml double cream liquidiser until they
– ½ tbsp caster sugar form a smooth purée.
Prep time: 15 minutes – 250g strawberries, Slice the rest of the
hulled strawberries.
Serves 4 – about 400ml Put a few strawberry
good-quality vanilla slices in each of four
I rarely see a ice cream tall sundae glasses,
knickerbocker glory on then spoon in some of
menus any more. It To decorate the purée and some
used to be my favourite – seasonal berries such of the whipped cream.
in seaside cafés and as raspberries, Pile scoops of ice
restaurants, then it loganberries and cream into the glasses,
suddenly vanished. I’m redcurrants scattering in more
not sure why, as I – meringues, broken strawberry slices as you
always thought it was into pieces do so. Spoon over the
such a fun dessert. You rest of the strawberry
can vary it however you METHOD purée and the cream,
want, and kids love it. Whip the cream and then top with the
sugar together until it remaining strawberry
forms soft peaks. slices, berries and
Blend about half of meringue pieces.

x anthe clay

Happier herb habits
Fresh herbs make near Scunthorpe, with a new farm Just how efficient are super- all gone after a decent tomato salsa.
everything better, but planned in Gloucestershire, which market packets? Advocates point out ‘The first thing I say when I design
30 years ago, non- will be the world’s largest. The that they keep the herbs in pristine an edible garden for someone is,
gardeners had the potential, it claims, is for us to be condition, thus reducing food waste. “What do you use most often?”’
choice of parsley and entirely self-sufficient in herbs and But bundles of herbs from the green- advises Mark Diacono, author of
mint if they were lucky. Then Delia other vegetables that traditionally grocer work out much cheaper. To Herb: A Cook’s Companion. ‘And then
Smith’s mega-selling Summer Collec- struggle in our climate. keep them fresh for a few days at I say, “Don’t grow it, or you’ll end up
tion ushered in a herbaceous revolu- The vertical farms do use fuel – home, wash them, dry in a salad spin- dedicating all of your space to grow-
tion, supermarkets broadened their the plants need heat and light to ner, roll in kitchen paper, put them ing stuff that is readily available and
ranges and now we are among the grow – and food-miles sceptics in a sealed plastic bag and keep in the not all the other flavours.”’ Instead,
biggest herb users in Europe, much (including me) point out that a salad drawer (except basil, which choose herbs that fit three criteria.
of it imported. Sadly, the refriger- tomato ggrown here in a heated gr
g een- turns black when chilled). ‘They need to be easy to grow and
ated transport that herbs require, house will have a higher cost in terms Best value, and freshest of all of indestructible, perennial so they
especially air freight, is a major of global warming than the same course, is to grow your own, and don’t bolt – which rules out annuals
polluter and contributor to global tomato grown in Spain and imported I know many readers are a dab, like parsley – and give you flavours
warming. And growing thirsty crops by lorry. By next spring though, JFC’s green-fingered hand at this. As for you can’t get otherwise.’
in places that are increasingly Glyn Stephens tells me the Lin- me, it’s not my forte. Many herbs He suggests Moroccan mint,
suffering drought is hard to justify. colnshire plant will have switched to are Mediterranean in origin and my anise hyssop (‘makes an amazing
But things are changing. Jones solar power. Very green. ‘We need to damp courtyard is no substitute for mojito’) and lemon verbena for
Food Company (JFC) already grows be,’ says Stephens, ‘because that’s the a Tuscan hillside. And when I have tisanes and syrups. I’ll add one
herbs indoors and hydroponically point of us. We have to find ways of carefully cosseted a pot of corian- more: sorrel – and dig out Delia’s
at Europe’s largest vertical farm being as efficient as we can.’ der to respectable dimensions, it’s Summer Collection.
ER
HOW TO KEEP HERBS FOR LONGER
BASIL TARRAGON
Leaaves don’t freeze well, soo purée Strrip the leaves from the stems and
with olive oil to make a brig
w ight- storre tightly packed in a bag or box
greeen pesto. Store for up to a week in the freezer. Scrape out what you
in thee fridge covered in a layer of
o oil neeed for sauces, stuffings and
orr freeze in an ice-cube tray. d
dressings with a teaspoon.
PARSLEY CORIAN
RIANDER
Chop the leaves and freeze in a One of the hardest to preserve

On
plastic box or bag, then scoop out while keeping its fugitive flavour.
as needed to add to recipes. Stalks Your best bet is to chop it into curry
Y
can be frozen too, to add to stock pastes, such as a classic Thai green
or pots
p t off cooking
ki bean
b ans. curry then freez
curry,
c freeze in ice-cube trays.
MINT CURRY LEAVES
Enclose the leafy end of the bunch in n Supply of this dal essential is patchy
a paper bag and hang upside down in n where I live, so I freeze stems in
a well-ventilated spot for a week or plastic bags and add the whole
two. Once papery dry, y, crumble
crumbl into a frozen leaves to hot oil to give
whol leaves
jar or use whole l for mint tea. a fantastic fragrance to a tadka.
DILL
THYME AND ROSEMARY
Y
Chop and freeze, tightly packe ed in
GETTY IMAGES
ice-cube trays. Turn out the cu ubes Can be dried as mint, or free
Ca eze
and store in a plastic bag in th
he thee whole stems in a plastic bag,
freezer to use in sauces, potatoo cru
umbling off the leaves as you
salads and home-made gravlax x. need d them, for a fresher flavo
our.
16 J u l y 2 02 2 the telegr aph M aga zine 53

54
16 J u l y 2 02 2
RAI
Victoria Moore
SI
NG

A
GL
Upmarket rosés worth
ASS
splashingg out on
‘Can rosé ever be taken WINES
seriously?’ is the kind of OF
question that gets kicked E W EEK
about a bit in that parallel TH
universe I think of as Wine
World. The importer Nick Darlington
answered this succinctly in a social media
Domaine Pique
post: ‘There probably isn’t a single wine Roque Rosé 2021,
in our Graft portfolio that people take Côtes de Provence
more seriously than a certain rosé.’ 12.5%; Haynes
I didn’t need to ask Darlingt g on what he Hanson & Clark,
was talking about because Graft is the £13.55
agent for a Provençal domaine called Clos
Textbook stuff and
Cibonne – the area that is the world capital
excellent for the
of rosé – in the hills between Hyères and price, this pale-pink
Toulon. Clos Cibonne makes a wine that wine is from a
has become a cult touchstone because it is winery close to
made entirely from an unusual red grape La Mascaronne.
called tibouren, which is found in Liguria
in Italy as well as in Provence.
The non-Wine World version of the
question ‘Can rosé ever be taken seri-
Château La
ously?’ is: ‘Is it ever worth paying more for Mascaronne Rosé
rosé?’ and the answer is also, ‘Yes.’ Fine 2021, Côtes de
rosé is a little bit like good bed linen. No Provence
one gets into a hotel bed and thinks, ‘What 13.5%; Lay &
excellent 500-thread-count sheets,’ but dried fruits but, more than a fl
f avour, it do you lean more on the quality of the Wheeler, £18.88
you might think, ‘Oh, these feel lovely,’ and has a distinct presence in the mouth, at grapes and their characteristics? More
Beautifully crafted
ferret about for the label so you can google once firm and somehow also distant. ‘It producers in Provence are talking about
rosé, made from
to see if you can afford them at home. gives structure, you know, the skeleton, rosé in terms of provenance, a differenti- grenache, cinsault,
Yet as rosé has become more popular, and that’s really important,’ says Pierre ation drinkers don’t tend to make for vermentino and
there has been a collective forgetting Duffort, who uses tibouren in the blends Provence rosé unless they talk about syrah. Smells of
that, just like any other wine, it comes at at another Provençal estate, Domaine Bandol or not-Bandol. white nectarines.
quality levels other than ‘not very nice’ Rimauresq, where he is winemaker. ‘My family is a winemaking family in
and ‘cold and pale = great’. That’s not to say tibouren is essential Beaujolais, from Bresse. Some people are
How can we define a good Provence in a fine Provence rosé. Far from it. And not connected to the idea of origin, where
rosé? In much the same way as we besides grape varieties there are many things come from, but we are,’ says Nath-
Rimauresq Cru
describe a good pinot noir: a good rosé is other variables that shape the flavour of alie Longefay, technical director at Châ- Classé Rosé
deceptively effortless to drink, it has flow the wine. Winemaking technique is one. teau La Mascaronne, which makes superb 2020/21, Côtes
and while it can feel silkily fine, it also has Do you use winery technology to create estate wines in the hills at Le Luc, close to de Provence
a cobweb’s quiet strengt g h. the product a lot of drinkers (especially the Plaine des Maures nature reserve. It 13%; Caviste, Talking
Tibouren can bring some of these of cheaper wines) are looking for, with a makes sense. Provence is a big place. The Wines, Theatre of
qualities to a rosé. A difficult grape to very pale colour and grapefruity tang? Or political region covers over 31,000 sq km, Wine, £20-21
grow – it ripens unevenly and is suscepti- while the vineyards stretch about 200km
The fragrance of a
ble to rot – it is unpopular with growers While a good Provence rosé from east to west. An estate wine gives Provence hillside
RUBY MARTIN
but liked by winemakers. Tibouren’s you a flavour of one particular corner of in a bottle, made
smell and taste are hard to describe. can feel silkily fine, it also has this vast territory. Another reminder that from organically-
There is a touch of florality, perhaps some a cobweb’s quiet strength not all Provence wines taste the same. grown grapes.

SITW
William Sitwell
EL
L
S

TI
RS
‘On a perfect summer night,
IT U
P
it’s a place of priceless memory’
River Exe Cafe, Exmouth
LOCATION A bit like you I’m quite weird. You see, I
Exmouth EX8 1FE also take pleasure in certain smells that
50º37’30”N
as an organic human I should dislike. In
3º26’20”W
07761-116103 the same way that my mother likes the
riverexecafe.com smell of bin lorries, stirring fond child-
hood memories, I relish the smell of
exhaust fumes coming from the back of
STA R R ATING a small boat. I get a whiff of the black
smoke emerging from the engine, mixed
with the scent of salt from the sea, and
DIN NER
suddenly I’m transported to a place of
FOR FOU R calm serenity, of holidays and happiness.
£169.99 excluding It could be Paxos, Corfu or Leros and
drinks and service when the pong is joined by the swirling,
gurgling sound of the motor as it gently
revs up I’m almost dizzy
with contentment.
But before you go for a
happy fix of nostalgia with
a quick sniff of diesel, a dirty
ashtray or a tub of chlorine,
come with me on this little
boat as we chug away from
the Exmouth marina bound
for a restaurant built on a tethered barge
MENU
THE
in the middle of the Exe Estuary. floors and walls, sturdy, planked wooden kitchen economy and the location mean
If you happen to have a boat already tables, blue chairs, and bunting of inter- they run a tight barge.
Sea salt crisps you won’t need to spend £7 on the Puffin national ensigns – shouts, ‘SEAFOOD!’ The prawns had bounce and bite,
• Water Taxi, but just mind the big sand- We sipped from a deliciously fresh enhanced by a good saffron aioli. We had a
Pint of prawns bank on the way, or you’ll still be and dry bottle of Muscadet Fildefere, plate of Teignmouth oysters too, the tight-
•
stranded while we’re getting stuck into which comes with a Grolsch-style fflip- barge syndrome meaning we had 11 rather
Sourdough
• a plate of oysters. top bottle seal (nice, charming and reus- than 12. Is that an omen? All old wives’ tales
12 oysters We had the luck of a calm and warm able), as they ferried a pint of prawns to welcomed… (FYI I’m still alive as I write
• cloudless evening, which made the the table with good sourdough bread and and a piano hasn’t fallen on my head.)
Sashimi platter experience even more charming as the olive oil and a plate of their crunchy A sashimi platter to share was a mixed
• sun set and the lights from surrounding home-made crisps. bag, with wonderful tuna, its edges rolled
Classic mussels anchored boats twinkled. With a table at 8.30pm we were the in sesame, but less fresh and soft salmon
•
The River Exe Cafe opened in 2011, last of several services and our waiter (citrus-cured) and soused mackerel. The
Fish and chips
• made up of two barges and a shed, and duly ran us through the items they had issue possibly being more my grouse at
Petit fours I’m not remotely apologetic for being a run out of. No lobster, for example. Shock the word ‘sashimi’, which actually means
little late to the party. On a perfect sum- horror. But I forgave them. Stuck out on raw, not some raw, some cured and what-
mer night it is a place of priceless mem- a raft built on to two rusty old barges ever the ship’s chef feels like.
ory, although I suspect it would also be from Stoke-on-Trent, the demands of But our main course mussels were
huge fun on a day when the rain is lashing sensational, like a benevolent sultan: rich
down. It only opens April to September The menu is made up of and fat and glorious. We chugged away,
BEN HARRILL
so get diarising now. under a star-lit sky across the calm

The menu is made up of local produce local produce and the waters, my head, heart and stomach filled
and the decor – timber decking on the decor shouts, ‘SEAFOOD!’ with food, memory and marine diesel oil.

Style

Hot town… Fashion editor
Melissa Twigg on dressing for
summer in the city
There are few images more
evocative of warm summer nights
in the city than this photograph of
Kate Moss. It was taken in New York
in 2003, and the vintage dress she is
wearing spawned a thousand
copycats – partly because of the
slightly sexy dropped shoulder, the
nipped-in waist and the ‘lemons on
the Amalfi Coast’ shade, and partly
because of Moss herself, who has
long been a poster girl for dressing
up after dark.
It is the ideal outfit for a summer
party that goes on long after the
sun has set. The sort of event you
plan on leaving at a reasonable
time but end up blurrily ordering
a taxi from at 2am because the
combination of balmy weather and
strong cocktails has briefly made
you feel like you’re somewhere on
GETTY IMAGES
the Mediterranean.
Dressing for such evenings is one Kate Moss in New York, 2003

of my favourite forms of Zegna
fashion. More structured

than holiday style, more
formal than countryside
dinners, but still far more
relaxed than your usual
city-based eveningwear, it Salvatore
Ferragamo
is all about strappy sandals, £219, Myrqvist
pretty leg-baring dresses
and bold accessories.
In terms of cut, look to
the ’90s and women like Ch
Carolyn Bessette-
Kennedy and Sarah
Jessica Parker, who
looked cool (in both £95, Sunspel
senses of the word)
in sleek strapless or
slip dresses and
midi-skirts with
open-toe sandals or Top Robin Williams
low mules. If you’re heads to Studd io 54,
1979. Above Diane
usually slightly von Furstenberg and
Barry Diller at the
reticent about colour, club in 1978. Left
Co-owner Steve
a summer party is also Offic
Géné
cin
ne
érale
Rubell there with
Rod Stewart, 1979.
the perfect time to try Right Sadie Frost,
Ronnie Wood and
a tangerine dress or a Jude Law in London,
2002. Below left Ben
bright-yellow suit, or Vereen and Cheryl
simply bright colours £199, Tiger of Sweden Ladd, 1979
on your toenails paired Tommy Hilfiger

with bold sandals in a
different hue.
As for men, linen £165, Orlebar Brown
jackets, paler trousers
and cotton shirts in pastel
shades look thoroughly
REX FEATURES, ALAMY, GETTY IMAGES
summery, but not as if you

might have mistaken
Fulham for Formentera.
Shopping by Sophie Tobin

60 The Telegr aph M aga zine
Boss

£275, Aeyde
Prabal Gurung
Christian Wijnants
Above left Grace Jones at
Studio 54, 1978. Above right
£125, Whistles Bianca Jagger, 1977. Left
Nicky Haslam and Vivienne Sandro
Westwood in London, 2000;
Alexa Chung, 2021. Below left
Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy in
1998. Below right Jagger with
Andy Warhol, 1978. Bottom
Diana Ross, 1979; Sarah
Jessica Parker in Sex and the
City; Blythe Danner and
Gw y net h Pa lt row in t he ’80s
£395, Dévé
£325, The Array
Eudon Choi
£145, Ruhe
£250, Lily and Lionel
Etro

62
16 J u l y 2 02 2
FUTU
RE
Jan Masters PR
O

OF
on her new-found
BE
AU T
bare-faced cheek
Y
Skincare finds gave our This week
columnist the confidence I am mostly…
to go make-up free Enjoying Beauty Kin
Hydrating Body Bar (£9.95,
beautykin.com). I’ve always
Was it lockdown that did it? apply an adequate layer in the evening, liked soap in the shower, and
Nope. Was it turning 60 this let it absorb and go to bed, rather than this leaves skin soft, not dry.
year and suddenly feeling slathering it on and wiping it off 20 min-
invisible? No, again. So what’s utes later. Why waste it? The partner for a
behind my new-found confi- daytime conditioning boost is the Firming
dence to go out completely Mask (£39.50) with enriching extracts of
bare-faced when it suits? The answer is two rose and mango butter. Every now and
significant additions to my skincare regime and then, I use it in place of day cream.
one little grooming tool. Having been late to the dermaplaning
My big skincare discovery – or rather redis- party, recently I put the professional pro-
covery – is toner. Yes, you remember toner. cedure through its paces – a small blade
When you were 18, it was the step sandwiched was used to remove fine vellus hair and
between cleansing and moisturising. I dropped skim off dead cells from my complexion. If Eschewing a heavy
it for decades. Now, I consider it essential. That’s you want to treat large areas of your face or washbag on holiday. I’m
because toners are now way more sophisticated you’ve never dermaplaned before, always decanting my essentials
than the de-greasing astringents with which I visit a specialist (then use a high SPF). But into no-plastic, reusable
drenched my skin in my youth. There are those for me, the take-home was that I could use one 100ml aluminium bottles
that hydrate (look for hyaluronic acid), exfoliate of the many inexpensive facial razors on the by Viridis Organics
(try AHAs) and calm (camomile is great). market, purely to clean up the bit between my (£3.50, etsy.com).
I wanted to refine the texture of my skin brows. Now that’s fuzz-free, it’s had the
and upped my game with Temple Spa’s effect of ‘opening up’ my eyes.
Glowcolic (£20, templespa.com). With My preference is Wilkinson Sword’s
glycolic and lactic acid, it not only whisks Intuition Perfect Finish Eyebrow Shaper
off remnants of cleanser and grime, but (£3 for three, sainsburys.co.uk) which has
reveals a tighter, brighter-looking com- a well-placed micro-guard for safety. On
plexion in days. If you want a similar effect clean, dry skin, while stretching it taut to
without acids, try Charlotte Tilbury’s new banish any furrows, hold the blade at a
Glow Toner (£40, charlottetilbury. 45-degree angle and work in short,
com), with niacinamide to help even gentle, downward strokes – Envying the chance to
out skin tone. think a subtle scraping motion, do laps of luxury in the
The other product that’s made an not a shaving action. I’ve outside, rooftop swimming
impact is the face mask. For me, never suffered any nicks but pool at The Berkeley Hotel,
Above: Dr
masks always used to conjure a clearly, mind how you go London – for guests only
Hauschka
vision of someone who had the time (check out the dermaplaning Hydrating (the-berkeley.co.uk).
to recline on a chaise longue in a guide at wilkinsonsword. Cream Mask;
towelling turban. I don’t. But Dr com/blogs/womens). Wilkinson
Hauschka has a smart quartet of With a regular brow shape Sword Intuition
no-fuss, no-mess options. For a slug and tint to ensure I look tidy, and an Perfect Finish
Eyebrow
of instant plumping, a couple of ever-present application of SPF for
Shaper. Left:
times a week I use the Hydrating protection, I’m good to go naked. And Temple Spa
Cream Mask (£39.50, drhauschka. funnily enough, now I’m no longer Glowcolic
co.uk). With its nourishing oils, make-up-dependent, when I do go Resurfacing
it’s great for dry and mature skin. I all-out glam, it feels more special. Toner

64
16 J u l y 2 02 2
AG
Lisa Armstrong
EL
ES

S
ST
These clothes were made
YL
E
for walking
1. Leather bottle bag, (1)
£130, London Velvet
(londonvelvet.co.uk)
2. Wool cardigan, £34.90 0,
(4)
Uniqlo (uniqlo.com)
3. Leather hiking boots,
£165, Scarpa
(cotswoldoutdoors.com m)
4. OO Moisturising Cream m,
£29, Jane Scrivner
( janescrivner.com)
5. Bucket bag/rucksack,
£180, Belo (belobags.com
m)
Lisa wears: mac, £160,

Ally Capellino
(allycapellino.co.uk).
Merino-wool tank, £65, (2)
Iris & Ink (theoutnet.
com). Lyocell trousers,
£19, Anyday John Lewis
& Partners ( johnlewis.
com). Trainers, £105,
Allbirds (allbirds.co.uk).
Straw hat, £65, AllSaints
(allsaints.com). Shades
and jewellery, Lisa’s own (5)
(3)
PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP: SOPHIE MOORE, USING KEVYN AUCOIN
According to a recent YouGov let alone anything resembling a way on pavements and through folds into its own pocket. This
THE ETHEREALIST SKIN ILLUMINATING FOUNDATION. SHOPPING: SOPHIE TOBIN
poll, walking is the nation’s most walking boot. Hyde Park – it’s trousers that look one from British designer Ally
popular physical activity – ahead A couple of years ago, when my good with trainers. On really hot Capellino is super-light and made
of travel and cooking, which is walking app mania was at its days, I love Allbirds’ breathable, from recycled plastic bottles. I
stretching the definition of physi- height – that’s another thing they machine-washable, eucalyptus- love the little flashes of neon and
cal exertion but let’s not get snide. didn’t have – I was pounding the fibre Tree Runners, with London roomy pockets.
It’s our ninth favourite activity pavements at such a clip it was Sock Company’s merino pairs (£20, Also check out Uniqlo’s merino-
overall, after watching TV but basically jogging, in flatform londonsockcompany.com), which wool, ribbed cardies, which come
ahead of reading books. Make of boots. I damaged my metatarsal feel cool. in five colours. While you’re there,
that what you will. and it took six months to recover. If I’m going somewhere party- it’s worth looking at its great
All I know is that I walk more These days, if I’m doing anything ish after work, I’ll pack alternative camis and tanks. The more natu-
than my mother and grandmother over three miles at a brisk pace, footwear in one of Belo’s bags, ral fibres you can load up on when
did at my age. They felt they’d it’s proper trainers, with ankle made from recycled car seatbelts , walking the happier you’ll be.
done a marathon if they walked to and arch support. On country which can be worn cross-body And for your face? Skincare
the bus. walks, it’s walking boots. or as a rucksack. Designed by a products should feel ultra-light
Was this because of the shoes? If aesthetics matter – and in this former physiotherapist, they’re but not astringent. Jane Scrivner’s
Trainers weren’t on their horizon. space they do – it’s all about work- properly comfortable. OO Moisturising Cream is all that,
I don’t think either of them posing around the footwear. When I Other essentials: a shower- and mattifying without disturbing
sessed a pair of plimsolls either, walk to the office – three miles each proof, stylish, packable mac that the skin’s microbiome.

66
16 J u l y 2 02 2
Richard Madeley

Agony unclle
Dear Wicked Stepmother

Hmmm. I don’t much like your sign-off,
if I’m honest. ‘Wicked Stepmother’? Who
exactly calls you that? No one, I’m guess-
ing – except you. You may mean to be
ironic but I’m afraid I detect more than a
whiff of self-pity in your letter. Sorry, WS,
but I have to speak as I find and give hon-
est advice. And I think you are falling
between the twin stools of victimhood
and judgmentalism here.
Look. Your son-in-law was out of line in
reacting snottily when you explained why
you couldn’t babysit his children. Natu-
rally, he was disappointed; but he should
have shown better manners. If one asks
for a favour, a refusal should be taken with
good grace. And yes, your husband should
have supported you, openly and frankly.
But these kinds of minor clashes and
discords are common within ‘blended’
families. You shouldn’t over-focus on irrel-
evant details. For example, I don’t see why
your husband’s ex-wife’s ‘offensive nick-
names’ for you are anything to do with…
well, anything, actually. Other than feed-
Dear Richard 74 and active in community My strong ing your burgeoning sense of resentment.
Last year, my husband’s 42-year- projects, sports and committees You say your stepson has a new exten-
advice is to sion to ‘show off ’. Isn’t that a bit harsh?
old son from a previous marriage – I was genuinely fully booked.
relax and Why shouldn’t he want to show his dad
took for granted that at short He accused me of having energy
notice his two daughters (six and for my ‘activities’ but not his stop casting and stepmum a major home improve-
ment? And might it not be the olive branch
eight) would stay with us while he children. My husband sat by yourself as a he’s looking for to get back in touch and
and his wife went on holiday. We silently, which surprised me. pantomime back to normal? Fundamentally, I think
you’re overreacting to the babysitting row
live 100 miles away from each It is now a year since we have villain
and dragging in all sorts of bits and bobs of
other, so consequently do not see seen my husband’s son and family,
extraneous issues to justify it. My strong
them often, and I have never been no contact or hint of regret or advice is to relax and stop casting yourself
wholeheartedly welcomed into apology g from him. Then the other as a pantomime villain. Theatrics aren’t
the wider family. (My husband’s day, he made contact saying we helpful in humdrum family life.
ex-wife has offensive nicknames should get together – he has a new
for me, used freely in front of the extension to show off. I would Dear Richard
small children, although I did not never separate my husband d from My parents split up when I was
even know my husband at the his family but I feel no inclin
nation five and then my mother came
time of their divorce.) to go. Would it be wrong of mem to out as gay. Around eight years
o
When I explained that it would stay home – or indeed to ask k my aago she and I moved in with her
not be possible to have the girls husband to consider staying partner, now her wife. At school,
p
as I was already committed to home in solidarity? most people have been respectful,
m
ALEC DOHERTY
many things that week, my — Wicked Stepmother, though some have made
stepson became belligerent. I am via Telegraph.co.uk comments over the years. I’m

in sixth form now and officially Dear Anon Her heart to work and I should stay home.
everyone is really understanding, Yes, I most certainly do. And here it is, in It’s not going well. It’s not being
– and her

seven words: You. Are. Not. Responsible.
but there’s sometimes tension with the baby, who I love
For. Your. Parents. powerful
beneath the surface. Most absolutely – I feel blessed to have
recently, a boy asked me out and
Well, obviously that mantra may maternal this time. It’s not really the
change somewhat towards the end of life.
said some mean things when I But that’s a long way down the line, Anon. instincts practicalities either – my wife’s
said no. I wanted to come back In the here and now, the choices made by – yearns milk came in really easily, she’s
your mum and stepmum, be they social,
with some kind of ‘burn’ but I to be with been expressing from the word
political, work-related or (as in this case)
just burst into tears and ran off. her baby go, and we started to introduce
emotional, may impact on you, but
My problem isn’t so much with they’re nothing to do with you: you don’t
other food at six months. The
the boy, he’s just an idiot. My have the slightest obligation to explain or baby is sweet and happy – even
problem is with my girlfriends. defend them to anyone else. You have the nights aren’t that bad.
When I told them what had your own path to tread, Anon. You’ll soon However, my wife is constantly
happened, they were like, ‘Why be at uni or work, with your own choices bombarding me with requests for
didn’t you fight back?’ as if I had and decisions to make. updates, pictures, asking what
It follows that you should never live
let some cause down. They said I your life according to what others
our plans are and for detailed
had nothing to be ashamed of, and think. Who cares what a spurned suitor reports on our day. I stick to a
I know I don’t, but I’m the one says? Or friends who expect you to be a pretty fixed routine, which she
who has had to deal with these standard-bearer for their views? As you knows, but she checks up on it
incidents over the years, not them. say, gay parents can be just as annoying every step of the way. I feel
Also they are always moaning as straight ones. Why should you have to micromanaged and undermined.
pretend otherwise? It’s your life, no one
about their parents and I don’t see I know this is partly to do with my
else’s. Don’t be dependent on the opinion
why I should pretend mine are of others. Trust yourself and your own wife missing our child, but it feels
perfect because they’re gay – they judgment. Courage! And good luck. like she’s not sticking to her part
can be just as annoying as anyone of the bargain, and just trusting
else’s. I feel really let down and I Dear Richard me (as she did if I had the baby for
don’t know who to talk to about it. My wife and I have a nine- a whole day before she went back
Do you have any advice? month-old baby; we took the to work). Should I just grin and
— Anon, London decision that she should go back bear this and hope it gets better?
— Dave, via email
Dear Dave
It must be hard for you to get a perspec-
tive on what’s going on here, because
you’re immersed in the daily minutiae of
your new life with your baby. But I can
see it, oh-so-clearly!
Your wife is desperately seeking her
own daily relationship/contact with her
child. Her head is committed to the prag-
matic decision that she should return to
work while you stay at home.
But her heart and her powerful mater-
nal instincts (remember, she’s still express-
ing milk every day) yearns to be with her
baby. So she seeks a vicarious, virtual,
hour-to-hour relationship with the baby
via you. Hence the bombardment of
requests for pictures, videos, updates and
almost minute-by-minute reports.
She’s not micromanaging or checking up
on you, she’s just desperate to be involved.
Don’t be offended or take it personally.
It’s pure mother love, sublimated online.
So yes – grin and bear it, and try to under-
stand it. It won’t last for ever, I promise.
Have a question for Richard? Write to

Dear Richard, The Daily Telegraph,
111 Buckingham Palace Rd,
London , SW1W 0DT or email
DearRichard@telegraph.co.uk
68 The Telegr aph Maga zine 16 J u l y 2 02 2

70
16 J u l y 2 02 2
16 J u l y 2 02 2
71
16 J u l y 2 02 2
73
The way we live now

Wink, wink… say no more?
Old hand Christopher Howse and young gun Guy Kelly ponder
the politics of an errant eye movement
I suspect Dominic But if you’re going to wink, you Forget physical, eyed chat bandits. What is a wink
Raab isn’t really all must do it properly. The failing of IRL winking for a emoticon if not a request to have
that good at wink- present-day winks is to be parodic, moment, because your rapier wit taken as intended? In
ing. In any case he the ‘Wink, wink, nudge, nudge’ of we could surely all reality, though, it only muddies the
will hardly have Monty Python. And forget the sly eye- agree that it is just tone further. ‘Nice haircut, suits you,’
revived its popular- roll, the side-eye, the undefined ab out the most somebody will write, before psycho-
ity by his recent performance oppo- evils. We must strive for the shame- controversial thing you can use pathically adding the wink. We
site Angela Rayner in the Commons. less energy of the Victorian wink. Its your face for – worse than spitting recipients are left to translate, dumb-
The problem is that successful wink- fictional champion, who leaves the or playing the vuvuzela or headbut- founded and suddenly doubting our
ing depends on collusion. If rejected, rest nowhere, must be Miss Mow- ting someone square on the conk new micro-fringe. Does the wink
as we may assume that over the cher, the dwarf hairdresser with an – long before Dominic Raab con- make the compliment… insincere?
despatch box it was, it becomes an alarmingly flirtatious air in David firmed this last month. A flirt? Some kind of innuendo?
attack, or at least an embarrassment Copperfield. She gives it her all, keep- No, the real menace is its virtual It is impossible to know: this is
– a no-contact failed grope. ing one eye turned up like a magpie’s cousin. The emoticon twitch. The far harder to interpret than a wink
Mr Raab might have imagined his and winking with the other. passive -aggressive semicolon- in person, which generally falls into
wink – which his team has since said In a world where posters in bracket of cringe. The ‘Cheer up either ‘lecherous and a bit patronis-
was directed at Ian Murray, the Underground carriages warn that love, it’s only a bit of banter’ of punc- ing’ or ‘patronising and a bit lecher-
shadow Scottish Secretary – was that staring can be a crime, I recommend tuation. The smiling, winking face. ous’. So all we can do is respond with
of a Clark Gable or a Humphrey Bog- the Mowcher approach, which in This one ;). You shuddered just see- a message that covers all the bases,
art. It came out more like a botched Parliament might not catch the ing it, didn’t you? Trigger warning: while ensuring the conversation –
George Formby. Strumming the Speaker’s eye, but would certainly there’s more later. and potential for further winks –
ukulele and winking simultaneously play to the cameras. They often mean well, these one- cannot continue. My preferred way
might be harder than it looks, is simply to write, ‘OK,’ and a
though the nearest I can bring to thumbs up. Nothing could be more
mind of the chirpy Lancastrian sing- final, nothing could be less sexual.
ing about it is in Chinese Laundry Dominic Raab is a particular
Blues: ‘Now Mr Wu, he’s got a kind of man. In all likelihood, he
naughty eye that flickers/You ought describes himself as a ‘carnivore’,
to see it wobble when he’s ironing refers to women as ‘females’, and has
ladies’ blouses.’ Not the effect Mr a folder in his phone gallery simply
Raab is likely to have been seeking. called ‘Pics of Subaru Imprezas’. He
It’s funny how people even take is also almost certainly an inveterate
pride in their inability to do certain user of the emoticon wink. He prob-
things properly. Some can’t whistle, ably apologised to Angela Rayner
they think. Some can’t wiggle their with one. ‘Soz Ange, had something
ears (though my lived experience is in my eye ;)’ It’s just who he is.
that practice makes perfect, wiggle- But for the rest of us, it’s high time
wise, bilaterally or on either side). we owned our sarcasm, opened the
Some can’t even raise one eyebrow, other eye and stamped out this
despite this mannerism being a scourge. I will be boycotting the
ANN MACLEOD
proven winner, since the word wink, and urge you to do the same.
‘supercilious’ comes from the Latin Or, or… maybe I’m just kidding ;) ;) ;)?
for an eyebrow, supercilium. I’m not.

16 J u l y 2 02 2
75
76
16 J u l y 2 02 2
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and

Document: 1001CC-DTMTM-1-160722-A001C-XX.pdf;Format:(230.00 x 270.00 mm);Date: 11.Jul 2022 18:11:36; Telegraph

AGON Y UNCLE The impact – physical

Walk on: looking good in Leftover lamb makes a

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Marmite on the duvet. My helped to get off the ground.

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6 The Telegr aph M aga zine 16 J u l y 2 02 2

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16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 7

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16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 9

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‘There is evidence that the spray can

16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 11

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Back at the house, dying for a glass of

16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 13

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‘I want my appearance on the outside to

16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 17

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‘Someone asked me if I regretted

16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 19

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Moving house is stressful – the handing over of personal,

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16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 23

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‘I got an uneasy feeling from Bateman. He was unhelpful’

Ffiona Perigrinor lost items of huge sentimental value to her family

16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 25

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You might remember

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‘My parents’ heyday was the 1970s,

it was denied us, we idealise it maybe more than millennials

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‘The textures and colours have

cheerfully describes as ‘a monstrosity’. Those wanting to get the

16 J u l y 2 02 2 The Telegr aph M aga zine 31

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BEAR TRAP IMAGE COURTESY OF GENERALITAT DE CATALUNYA

34 The Telegr aph M aga zine 16 J u l y 2 02 2

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have always since the Norman Conquest), if left unchecked

lived here and

people have where, although the actual number of ani-

It is an ethical National Park in the US, where wolves were rein-

them back’ attack. Researchers have since challenged this