Why sex education doesn't

have to be awkward

One factor has been found to be surprisingly powerful in

sex education, but remains relatively little used: pleasure.
A new systematic review into health interventions that
incorporated pleasure found that explaining enjoyment
around sex may encourage safer habits. Programmes that
taught people about achieving sexual pleasure were found
to improve condom use more than those that focused on
the dangers of unprotected sex.

"It’s worth talking about the positives beyond protection,

too, such as how using a condom can be fun and can help
you connect with a partner," says Mirela Zaneva, one of
the study’s authors and a PhD candidate in experimental
psychology at the University of Oxford.
Zaneva found that pleasure tends not to be mentioned
much, or at all, in sex education. This means that if your
child isn't hearing about pleasure from you, it's very likely
they're not hearing about it from school, either. "It is likely
that a lot of young people miss out on positive,
empowering conversations about sex in their current
school sex education," she says.

She notes that the Pleasure Project, a public health

project involved in the research, offer a range of practical
tips on how to incorporate pleasure into discussions with
young people around sex.

"The evidence so far is that discussing pleasure can help

young people practise more safe sex, have more
knowledge and positive attitudes about sex, as well as
have more confidence and self-efficacy."

Finding trusted sources

Parents are usually the primary source of sex education

for young children, but adolescents tend to tap many
sources for information, such as their peers, teachers, and
popular culture. And parents may not be the only ones
who can feel squeamish. Research undertaken in Ireland
found that while in the past, parents' ignorance and
embarrassment were the main obstacles to open
discussions of sex, nowadays, it was the young people
who tended to block these talks, by claiming to already
know the facts, becoming irritated or annoyed, or even
leaving the room. That does not mean parents should
avoid the subject, but it does show how important it is to
frame the chats in a way that make everyone feel
comfortable.

"Let your child know ahead of time when you want to

discuss something delicate, potentially embarrassing or
difficult to talk about. They don't feel ambushed this way,
and they are more likely to be prepared and to talk with
you," says Goldfarb.

Overcoming that squeamishness may even turn out to be

freeing experience. After all, sex and healthy relationships
– or as the Finnish researchers call it, "body emotions" –
are important at any stage of adult life. Young people are
at the start of that journey, and have the chance to define
values, habits and priorities that can benefit them over a
lifetime, not just in intimate situations, but as a part of
moving through the world safely and considerately. You
may find that it is life-affirming, and not remotely
awkward, to be part of that journey. 

* Sophia Smith Galer is the author of Losing It: Sex

Education for the 21st Century, published by Harper
Collins.