Dealing Negative Thoughts and Emotions The Right Way

Before we proceed, I would like to let you know that all content are based on my personal
experience i.e. anecdotal. So all content may or may not reflect as correct to you. So I request you
to read it completely before making a decision on the content.
First step is that you should realize that the sub-conscious part of the brain has almost all the
control, i.e. "almost" all our actions are based on our subconscious beliefs, memories & default
thought patterns.
This video is one of the proof that our actions are based on our subconscious, The Backwards Brain
Bicycle1.
So in order to properly deal with negative emotions, what we have to do is to bring the control back
to the conscious part of the brain. I'm going to give some examples before going into the actual
technique of dealing with negative emotions.

The story of sleeping in the couch

There are theories that the sub-conscious is always working, records everything & never sleeps. But
at the same time there are theories saying that those things are not true. So take these examples with
a grain of salt.
Lets say that you are sleeping in a couch. You know that you are not conscious while you are
sleeping. So why you never fall down from the couch while sleeping?
Its the sub-conscious that's protecting you. When you sleep on a couch, you don't take a tape,
measure its size and keep track of it while sleeping so that you don't turn on the wrong side.
When you go to sleep on a couch, you know that one side is open and the other side is not. But
when you sleep, you keep moving towards the closed side but not towards the open side. So how do
you do that in your sleep?
Its your sub-conscious that's taking care of you even while you are sleeping, i.e. even when your
conscious mind is active. And if you roll over to the open side, it wakes up the conscious mind and
you wake up & stop yourself from falling down (and later tell stories about how you were about to
fall down from the couch while sleeping but didn't).
The same thing happens while travelling in a train. You & others are sleeping in your respective
berths. One side is open and the other side is closed. Ever wonder why no one falls down? Its the
sub-conscious protecting you.
Stepping even further. Lets say that the open side is towards the front of the train (i.e. towards the
engine or the direction in which the train is moving). So whenever brakes are applied on the train,
you get pulled towards the front, i.e. the open side. But you still don't fall down but keep pulling
yourself toward the closed side. Because the sub-conscious is not sleeping and protecting you.

1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFzDaBzBlL0
Pushing even further. Ever woke up from a dream of running or falling down? Your heart is beating
fast & you're sweating. Were you “actually” running fast so that your heart is beating fast & you're
sweating? Nope, you were actually sleeping. But your sub-conscious makes it real.
I don't know how powerful the sub-conscious is but I'm pretty sure that its infinite times more
powerful than we can actually think of.
And whenever you read articles about brain studies, don't believe everything that you read and
instead remember that its just the brain studying itself. How can one study the sub-conscious when
no one knows how to access it nor how it works. :p
Think of it like a car, the conscious is the one that's available for us to control the car like,
accelerator, brakes, steering wheel etc. and the sub-conscious is everything else that actually makes
the car to work. But in a car, the people who built the car or who have studied the car know how the
internal things work. But its not the same thing when it comes to a person's mind.

The muddy swimming pool

Lets assume that there is a swimming pool in your house and you are trying to clean it. You are
using a net to clean the dirt floating in the pool and in the process the net disturbs the water so that
the mud mixes with the water and now it looks more dirty.
Since the water looks more dirty now, you apply more effort to clean the pool using the same net
and then keep doing the same again & again. The more effort you take, the more dirty it gets.
But what you need to understand is that the mud settled at the bottom of the pool is what's making
the pool dirty. And you have to clean the mud so that the pool actually becomes clean and you can't
clean the mud using the net. Using the net you can clean only the dirt floating in the water.
This is the case with the conscious & sub-conscious mind.
You try to calm yourself by suppressing/repressing the emotions and telling yourself that you
shouldn't be angry or afraid or whatever negative feeling that you have at that moment.
In the process what you have to realize is that, while you are trying to pull yourself with +ve
thoughts and discarding the negative feeling, you are suppressing/repressing the negative feeling
into the sub-conscious mind. This in turn creates more & more pressure in the sub-conscious.
Think about this & you'll realize that its true. If not then ever wondered why you are so much angry
over a small incident? Its because all those negative emotions that were suppressed/repressed into
the sub-conscious are trying to get out of your system. Like excess water breaking a dam & flowing
away.
One point to note that is the mind of each & every person is unique and no one really knows how
much negative emotions they have suppressed/repressed into their sub-conscious emotional dam.
So, you are adding more water to the emotional dam which in-turn creates more pressure in the sub-
conscious every-time you say no to the present reality. So we are going to see a simple technique to
clean the mud (i.e. the sub-conscious) in the swimming pool.
The story of the Dancing Devil
Lets say that every-time a negative thought or a thought that you don't like/want arises, a devil
comes & dances for food. The more food you feed the devil, the more stronger it becomes. Here the
food is our reaction in the form of emotion/feeling.
So understand that every-time you react with a negative emotion/feeling you are feeding the devil.
In the so called "+ve thinking", they say to ignore the negative thoughts and focus on the good
thoughts & feel good. Its partially correct & will work to some extent.
But at the same time, when you ignore the negative thoughts, you should not create any more
pressure in the sub-conscious by reacting to that thought with a negative feeling/emotion. This is
where we don't do things the way it should be done and thus we are unable to let go of our negative
emotions and be happy & at peace.
Lets say that you are angry about some incident/event/whatever.
So whenever you are getting thoughts about a past incident/event/whatever at the present moment,
you try to ignore the thoughts, but at the same time, on the sub-conscious level if you are feeling
bad or angry or worried or hating yourself for having those thoughts, then you are doing more harm
to yourself because you are creating more & more pressure in the sub-conscious each & every time
you ignore the present reality & react to it with a negative emotion.
If you are one of the people who try to ignore the reality that you are angry or afraid or whatever,
you are saying "no" to the thought on a conscious level but reacting sub-consciously with a
negative emotion/feeling and you are not even aware that you are reacting with a negative
emotion/feeling on the sub-conscious level to the negative thought.
You can say "no" consciously or even close your eyes but remember that the sub-conscious is
always active & never sleeps. So when you say "no" on a conscious level, you are actually creating
a negative feeling (anger, fear, hate, worry etc.) in the sub-conscious which is more pressure.
Now lets get back to the dancing devil.
You get a thought about a past incident/event/whatever at the present moment, the devil comes out
& starts dancing in front of you. You say "no" and maybe you can even close your eyes so that you
don't see the devil dancing & teasing you. But the devil feeds on your emotion/feeling and hence
closing your eyes or discarding the thoughts is not going to work.
So what you are doing is that you are cheating yourself on the conscious level by trying to be +ve
but at the same time you are hating yourself for having that thought & angry or sad or afraid or
whatever. So you are actually living in a state of anger, sadness, fear, worry etc. on the sub-
conscious level and in a state of uncertainty on the conscious level because those thoughts keep
bothering you.
Dealing with the Devil
One of the technique to deal with the devil is to accept the present reality as it is and get
comfortable with the present reality.
Now you know that you are feeding the devil unconsciously or in other words, feeding the devil
without you even knowing about it.
So its time to get aware or conscious about yourself and stop feeding the devil. So now whenever
you get any thoughts & associated emotions in the present reality, you should accept both the
thoughts & emotions (whatever be the negative emotion) as it is without reacting with any kind
emotion/feeling (nope not even +ve emotion).
When you get thoughts of something that bothers you, then you just “observe how you feel about
the thought" (like tasting ice-cream) and accept the present reality as it is. Don't react in any way,
• don't feel good
• don't feel bad
• don't judge
• don't analyse
• don't be afraid
• don't worry
• don't hate
• do nothing & just observe

When I say observe, I mean observing how you feel about the thought and not observing the
thought itself.
You might even feel a negative feeling like fear, worry, hate etc. but don't discard or reject it. This is
the important part. Observing & acknowledging the thought & feeling (especially the feeling) as it
is without judgement.
Lets say that you have a thought about some incident & the associated feeling is "anger". You
acknowledge that the "thought about that incident is bothering you" and you feel
"angry/pissed/whatever" but this time you are doing it consciously.
When you do it consciously and don't react in any way (neither positive nor negative), you are not
creating any more pressure and instead you are clearing the pressure that is already present in the
sub-conscious.
My explanation of the popular boat & river concept:

Think of thoughts & feelings as passing boats. They just keep passing away until you
stop a boat, get into it and start travelling in it.

Remember that you feed the devil only as long as you are travelling in the boat. If you
are sitting in the river bank and just watch the boats (worry, fear etc.) then you are not
feeding the devil.
Whenever a thought that you don't like arises, think of the dancing devil. A thought arises, the devil
comes & starts dancing asking for food, you just watch the devils dance without reacting to the
devil's request for food. You just watch the devil dance as long as it could. The devil will get tired
and eventually it'll know that its not going to get any food and will go back.
• devil = the original thought
• devil's dance = the original emotion/feeling
• food = "your reaction in the form of emotion/feeling" to the original thought &
emotion/feeling
So as long as you observe the original thought & emotion/feeling without reacting to it, you are not
feeding the devil. When you stop reacting in the present reality and realize that the thought &
associated feeling are just memories of the past, you stop creating pressure and instead you are
clearing the pressure that is already present in the sub-conscious.
Now you have found a way to stop feeding the devil but the work is not over yet since you've been
feeding the devil all these days. The devil has tons of stocks of food in its home. So the devil still
has access to food and will come out again & again. Its all good as long as you don't react.
When you practice this technique deliberately & persistently, the devil will eventually run out of
food. It also means that there are no more aversions to the present reality and by this time you
should feel comfortable with the way you are & also you'll probably feel peace. When you are at
peace with the present reality, you've cleaned the swimming pool. Now all you gotta do is fill it up
with new water and go for a swim.
Remember that the devil is not an outside devil, its your thoughts. The devil's food is your reaction
in the form of emotion/feeling to that thought. You can't get rid of the devil as getting rid of the
devil means getting rid of thoughts.
Also remember that sometimes, the devil will hit you like a speeding train and you may react. But
don't worry about reacting to it as its just a small amount of food that you accidentally spilled and
you know that the devil is already starving, so its not an issue as long as you are aware that you
reacted to the devil and stop that reaction from becoming a chain reaction.
So never underestimate the devil or else sub-consciously you might fall back to the old reaction &
emotional patterns. So always be aware & conscious about the devil.
Previously you were not comfortable with the present and you kept thinking that being +ve will
create a better & good future.
But you know what, we can't access the future and all we have is the present.
So until we clear the residue of the past emotions/feelings, the future will also be the same as the
present.
There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That
is why it is called the present.

-- Master Oogway (Kung Fu Panda2)

2 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0441773/
When you are comfortable with the present reality, you do not get bothered by your past memories
even if those memories say "hi" every now & then. You'll probably feel peace, happiness & peace of
mind when you reach this stage.

Dealing with Devil's from the outside world

The main devils exists within us. But there are also outside devils that we have to be aware of. Its
the people who keep bothering us about what we are doing with our life or people who dig up past
incidents, because they don't have anything productive to do in their life or they probably enjoy
feeding on the negative emotions of others.
Yes, this time you are dealing with devil's from outside but when you react, the food goes to the
devil that's within you. Its like your friend ordering pizza for you. Hope you can understand.
So no matter what, don't react and instead just observe. When other people ask you questions, you
might feel sad or you might get angry & feel like punching them in their face but whatever the
feeling it is, just observe and don't react in any form (nope, don't punch them in the face).
In most of the cases, these people really don't know what they're doing and are actually in misery.
They are doing what they've been trained to do without them even knowing about it. So please don't
start to hate them.
If its someone who really cares about you, then they will mostly ask questions indirectly without
aggravating you. But at the same time, people who directly support you, like your mom or your
spouse might yell at you. Don't get mad at them for yelling at you.
They are yelling at you because they get questioned by other people regularly like,
• hey is your kid/spouse/friend still getting bad grades (if they are in school or college) or
jobless (if they have completed college)
• hey you are supporting your kid/spouse too much
• hey you should push your kid/spouse so that they will do something worthy etc. etc.

They are yelling at you not just because they get questioned, they yell at you because they can't see
you suffering and they are probably feeling more sad than you are about your situation. Also they
too don't know how to deal with the devils, so learn & practise to forgive them all the time.
Now don't go explaining them about reading such an article that had such technique to deal with
negative emotions. Most of them are not ready or willing to try new things because trying new
things means getting out of their comfort zone which in their world, translates to fear of unknown.
Another reason is that they will probably start to think that you are losing your mind which will add
more worry & fear to them without them knowing about it.
So instead tell them that you are ok & feeling good and always remember to treat them with love,
kindness & compassion as you are the one who know these stuffs/technique.
Neural Pathways
This is what I learned from studying my own brain/mind.
Neural pathways are being created in the brain by relating emotions with memories (read
experience because when we think of a past experience, we are not actually experiencing it but we
are just recollecting our memory). So the more the similar type of memories we have, the more
stronger that emotional pathway becomes. So if we obsess over a past memory again & again, the
emotional pathways becomes even stronger & stronger.
From my experience, the brain doesn't care if we are actually experiencing something in the present
(so called reality) or we are just recollecting old memories and playing it again & again. It just
creates or breaks neural links like an automated robot.
So, the moment you have an experience that makes you not comfortable or you don't like it, the
brain switches over to the related emotion. In this case, "that person did that to me & I don't feel
good" emotion (anger, rage, sadness, revenge, whatever).
In fact, its an old neural pathway that already exists in the brain that were developed in the past but
as soon as you think that you don't like some experience, that single thought is enough to the brain
to activate the "that person did that to me & I don't feel good" emotional pathway.
Since we have gotten used to feeling bad all these years, those emotional pathways are as big/deep
& strong as the grand canyons where as the feel good pathways are not so strong. :p
So as I had described in this post, it is the only way that I found effective to break the old neural
pathways. It works all the time if done properly and I do feel 100x better later.

Don't Suppress/Repress the negative Emotions

If you are the kind of person who is suppressing the negative emotions (thinking that you are doing
good by ignoring the negatives),then even a small incident that you don't like, breaks the dam of
negative emotions that have been suppressed into the sub-conscious in the past. So instead of
suppressing the emotions (or showing it on others which is even worse), we should just
watch/observe it, so that it doesn't get suppressed into our sub-conscious and instead keep flowing.
For example, if I'm so angry & want to rage, I go to a quiet place, close my eyes & rage in my mind
as much as I want. Some time if I can't find a quiet place, I just put on the headphones and listen to
songs and it clears up my mind.

Learn to differentiate if the emotions are of the past or of the present

One more thing to do is to learn to differentiate/recognize whether the negative emotions are from
the past or the present.
For example, if you feel angry then you should be able to differentiate/recognize if that anger is the
• suppressed anger from the past (or)
• the anger is because on the present situation
and if the anger is because of the present situation, then its still alright to be angry but we should
not let that situation bother us continuously because if we let it bother us continuously, it will create
more anger and this is not what we want. We should be able to let-go all the time.
• If the anger is of the past, observe & let it flow. Repeat.
• If the anger is of the present, observe, let it flow, let-go & don't let it bother you. Repeat.

You are already Fine The Way You Are

If someone treats you as if there is something wrong with you, just ignore them. Don't care about
what they say of you. When you react to others, you are giving away your power over to them.
Keep calm & keep your power with you. It is your life, so its your choice.
Remember you are already fine the way you are. The whole universe exists within you.
It is “ok” to be afraid, sad, angry, disappointed etc., so just be. We have been trained to not feel sad,
angry or afraid but they are also natural emotions just like happiness, calmness & courage.
Its just that we have been trained to push away the negatives which is what prevents from
experiencing the positives. Embrace the negatives and you'll be able to experiences the positves too.
Remember, you are being this way because you were brought up this way, so its not your mistakes,
they never were because you were a helpless child and you were made to believe that this is how
the world functions. And all those memories, beliefs & supressed negative emotions are wrecking
havoc in your life.
But now that you have all these knowledge, you can make a choice. You can either choose to make
the old choices again & again and continue being miserable or from this moment, you can choose to
make the better choices & enjoy this journey called the human life.
Basically its all practise. The more you practise to choose the better paths, the more peaceful your life
will be.
Embrace Everything! Be The One! Good Luck!