Time! Love or feelings of love may come rather quickly.

But the longer you are with someone, the better

you get to know them. You begin to see all things including the less than desirable things about them.
Your response to these less than desirable things will reveal your true heart regarding this person.

If you begin to move away from them emotionally this could be a sign that your love may be more
infatuation. Love endures all things. You can patiently endure some less desirable traits in a person you
genuinely love because we have to love all parts of the person.

I have found that in relationships where I was more infatuated that I was less tolerable of certain things
and I saw a change emotionally. But with the man I genuinely love, the love never fades even when
faced with his less than desirable side. Yes, it may make me angry, sad etc but I still love him. This is the
challenging part of love. It requires understanding and wisdom to maintain your relationship. Many
people don't want to do the work at this level and think it's easier to just start over with someone else.

But if you keep doing that you will always end your relationships at the same stage.

How do I know that I am in love with someone, rather than in love with the idea of being in a
relationship with that someone?

You love a person, when you know that person incredibly well. When you share you secrets and live
your life together. Over time, love blooms, and you start to care more and more for that person, and
want what’s best for that person, even at your own expense.

If you don’t know a person very well, and haven’t built a real relationship with them, then you might
start to fantasize about what it would be like to be in a relationship with them. The reason that this isn’t
real love, and just loving the idea of someone, is that you don’t really know what it would be like to
actually be with this person. You’ve never been with them.

For all you know, once you two start dating, you’ll be arguing all the time. Maybe she’s incredibly
insecure. Maybe she’s really clingy. Maybe she suffers from severe depression and needs constant
reassurance. Maybe she’s a huge drama queen who loves picking fights and causing a scene. If you’ve
never actually dated this girl, or built up any kind of relationship with her, then you don’t really know
that you love heryou. You love the idea of what you think she is. You love the very little bits of
information that you’ve picked up about her. But most of what you love about her, is based on
assumptions you have made about what dating her would be like, but not anything real that you’ve
experienced with her.