RAN & ALEXIS WEDDING

What can I say meaningfully on this wedding day of Alexis and Ran? It has
always struck me that St Paul, in his great hymn of love in the first letter to the
Corinthians begins by naming two very down to earth qualities, to describe what love is:
love is patient, love is kind.

LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND! I can not help but tease your parents
Alexis: if you are married to Rico, you cannot help but be patient; and if you are married
to Carina, you cannot help but be kind. Msgr Rico Santos, my Spiritual Director, always
asks the wife during anniversary celebrations this question: after your years together as
married couple – are you a happy wife or a holy wife? Happy wife, happy life!

Those of us here who have lived many years of marriage know why St Paul starts
off with those two very simple adjectives. Let me tell you the secret of my 34 years of
marital life before I join the Clergy. I share this with couples who come to me for counsel
(my nieces, my nephews my inaanak etc.): in many ways, in different words, directly or
indirectly, I really tell them one thing only: TO BE PATIENT WITH EACH OTHER. It
is almost everything, really. SO MUCH OF HUMAN LOVING IS PATIENCE, AND
ITS CHILD: FORGIVENESS. There are occasions for patience each day. Patience too
must be there through the years each one changes, and one must keep pace with the
changing, and make adjustments to that process. Love is patient.

Love is kind, St Paul adds, the second requirement of love. Kindness is a little
virtue, shown in little things. But in love it is the little things which make a difference.
That is what most likely what St Paul means when he says: love is kind – or in the words
of the poet Cummings “be of love, a little more careful, than of everything else.”

On this wedding day of Alexis and Ran, defining what love is continues to evade
me – it simply defies all verbalizations. What I come to know is this: Ran and Alexis:
your love for each other remains a work-in-progress (Pope Francis words: under
construction). In your love, the loved one (the beloved) is looked upon as incomparably
more valuable than the lover. You should always try to outdo each other in doing good, in
being good to each other – the unconditional will of becoming everything for each other.
And you will carry this USQUE AD MORTEM – until death! There is only one word for
it: GRATIA, GRACIA, GRACE!

All the above leads us to a final practical conclusion – the basis of marriage is
togetherness, and the basis of togetherness is nothing other than good old-fashioned
considerateness. If your marriage is to succeed, Ran and Alexis: you must always be
thinking more of each other than of yourselves; selfishness is the murderer of any
personal relationship.

Let me tell you a bit about my mother, lovely, charming, beloved by all; and her
husband my father - quite handsome, but had few social gifts and graces. My auntie
asked her one day why she remained married to that unsociable rough man she married.
She answered simply: “He never hurt my feelings”. There could be no finer tribute!

The true basis of marriage is not complicated and recondite ---- it is simply the
love which thinks more of the happiness of the other than it thinks of its own, the love
that is proud to serve, which is able to understand, and therefore always able to forgive. It
is the Christlike love, which knows that in forgetting self it will find self, and that in
losing itself it will complete itself.

We now come to the old-fashioned but theological part of my message to you Ran
and Alexis. On marriage most would probably say, "The most important thing is: love
each other." But - and this may surprise you here present – the Lord does NOT say that.
Jesus says that you must love each other, but that is the SECOND commandment. The
first, most important one is, "Love the LORD your GOD." God is to be first, and Christ
tells us to love Him not with SOME of our heart or even most of our heart, but with ALL
of our heart. There are three partners to a successful marriage: husband, wife, and God.
And God must be first.

Why? St Augustine: FECISTE NOS AD TE, DOMINE, ET INQUIETUM

EST COR NOSTRUM DONEC REQUIESCAT IN TE! You have made us for
yourself, Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you!

Thus only He can fully satisfy our heart. A husband and wife can make each other
happy, but can never FULLY SATISFY each other's deepest longings. If they set out on
marriage expecting to make each other PERFECTLY content, they will end up frustrated
and disappointed. The human heart was made for God and is restless until it rests in Him.

Proceeding from this, it is only when we love God that we are ABLE to love one
another! The power to love, to give ourselves away in good times and bad, in sickness
and health, all the days of our life, comes from God! We cannot rely on our own strength!
The vows you make today are, HUMANLY SPEAKING, not only difficult but
impossible to fulfill. Yet we do not rely on only human strength. The two of you, Alexis
and Ran, are not the only ones making vows here today. GOD is making a vow. He says,
"I will be with you, and I will give you every ounce of strength you need to be faithful to
each other no matter what!" God promises that here today!

That is why you are getting married before His altar, rather than at home or at
your favorite spot in the park or at the beach. You make your vows before the altar of
God, because you know that you cannot do this without Him. You want to root your
marriage and your lives in Him. You want to respond to Him.

How will you do that? Here is my call to action: First of all, pray together. You
are joining your lives here today: join your prayers as well. Also, nourish yourselves and
your children on the Word of God in Scripture and the teachings of the Church! Make use
of the sacraments of the Church: Confession, to wash your sins away, and Holy
Communion, to draw you even closer to Christ and each other.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. Then,
Alexis and Ran, I promise you in the Name of Christ, that you will be able to love one
another all the days of your life! God bless you!

lsr/9-25-21