Copyright Ó 2021 by Abdulhameed Yunusa

All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be

reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted in any form or by any means without the

written permission of the writer.

COVER BY: ABDULHAMEED (IG @HARMYD007)

EDITORS: HAUWA (IG @HAUWA_AA)

MD (IG @IAM_M.D)

FATIMAH (IG @FAZHEERAH)

HANIFAH (IG @KVNG_NEEFAH)

For more information and collaboration please send

an email to ayhameed176@gmail.com

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 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

To God and the Hurt.

iii
 DEDICATION

Dedicated to everyone who feels better after reading

this.
Shout out to my siblings and friends!

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 CONTENT
COVER PAGE I

TITLE PAGE II

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT III

DEDICATION IV

TO EVERYONE WHO LOVED ME AFTER HER 1

MY EX 2

NOT OFTEN 3

BEAUTIFUL THINGS END 4

4:30 IN TRAFFIC 5

I FAKED HAPPINESS 6

JUNE 7

COULD ONLY BE YOU 8

PTA 9

PLEASE STAY 10

v
TILL THE END 11

IS IT JUST ME? 13

I’M SORRY 14

THEN IT STOPPED HURTING , ISH 16

NO, I’M NOT STRONG 17

I LONG FOR YOU 19

PS: I LOVED YOU TOTALLY 20

THE END. 22

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To everyone who loved me after her

It took me a while to realize that I searched for you in

other people.

Subconsciously, I looked for traits that reminded me of

you. How you smiled, how you walked, the way you
talked; all of it.

I wasn’t over you, truth is i never will.

I called the next person by your name,
And the person after that.

To everyone who loved me after her, I’m sorry.

Never meant to compare you. Don't mean to hurt you.
But how do I move on when she’s the only person I’ve
ever loved?

How sad is it that I’m in a love circle that never

reciprocates?

1
My Ex

I saw my ex got engaged,

She never looked happier.

Looks like she found the love

She’s been searching for.

It burns, it stings , God it hurts so much

But she looked so happy, so I’m happy
In a twisted way.

Am i selfish for calling her the day before her wedding

and telling her “I love you”?
How could i have known, she never told me.

Would it be selfish if i choose to wait a thousand years

for her to return and realize no one could ever love her
like i do ?

Love was never enough for keep us,

Else it’d be our names on those IVs.

2
Not often

It’s not often he lets someone in,

I mean why should he though?

Not often he lets someone see,

Why should he?

You said he should take a chance with you,

Why should he ?

He’s always been emotionally exploited,

He’s so used to alone.

Everyone who promised forever, left.

Everyone who said i love you, lied.

So, when you say i love you, he says till when?

When you promise forever, the words doesn’t hold
same value.

So, used to alone,

That he can’t see love, even though you show him.

3
Beautiful things end

Beautiful things end,

Like you and I,
And that’s okay.

Yes, i loved you,

I still do.

We don’t work,
We try and try,
We fight,
Then we settle,
You pretend to be what I want for 2 weeks.
Then you do it all over again.

My heart can only take so much.

How i wish your love was consistent.

4
4:30 in traffic

Our song comes on,

My heart knows!

This is our song.

Yes, our song.
Your favorite line is :
“5 years later and I’m still yours ”.

I try to forget you,

At times i ask myself,
What if you’re my soulmate?
But are soulmates fated to fall apart.

If you love me, why then do we fall farther down the

more we try?
I love you, why then do we fall out?
Our song came up, I wanted calling you,
My eyes were teary, my voice, shaky.

How i miss you, how i wish everything would just work

out.

5
I faked happiness

I am putting up a brave face,

By the way it’s fake.

You’re at our favorite place,

With somebody new.

You’re holding hands,

And he’s smiling at you.
And it’s too much on my heart.

And if that didn’t kill me,

The little girl running up to
You, calling you mummy killed me.
She’s supposed to be half of you and i?
Remember? Why’d you leave for another?

And after all this time, why does my heart still ache?
And why do i see you every time i think of happiness, i
think of you
I’m at your mercy, and nothing else can be sadder than
that

6
June

I met you in June,

And i could have sworn,
I never met someone calmer.

You looked so innocent and your voice,

Oh, how it tingles when you call out my name.
I’d say you were my favorite person.

I guess i loved you a little too much,

I wanted forever; you wanted to wing it.

We were kids after all,

I guess the pressure was too much.
Perhaps you caved from the expectations.

But I sat through your games,

And i made excuses for you.
No i made excuses to convince myself to stay.
Took you 4 days,
To forget “forever”,
Guess i was never the 1.

7
Could only be you

No one compares,
No could ever begin to love me,
Like you do.

No one could ever come close to,

Making me feel the way you do.

I wouldn’t want them to,

I wouldn’t let them.

I do not want anyone else,

I do not want anything else,
Aside eternity in happiness & love,
And comfort with you.

8
PTA

Maybe we were just kids;

clueless and naive,
but I relive the fantasies every day.

Remember the names we picked? Hb

Yes, we said we’d attend every PTA meeting
We joked about how I’d drive 2am round town to get
items to satisfy your cravings when you carry our baby,
remember?
Half of you, Half of me.

I hold you accountable for all of those promises

Truth is, I loved you since I was a kid
and now that I’m much older, I do not know how to love
another.

I’ll hold on to the good times and immortalize you in our

fantasies.

I guess time changes everything.

9
Please stay

Please stay,
No one stays long enough.
Everyone leaves,
but you feel like home.

Your smile brings bliss.

How elegantly your hijab sways from side to side
And on a rough day,
a whiff of your perfume brings calmness.

So, let’s not worry about tomorrow,

I will love you recklessly- right here, right now.
Without hesitation.
I won’t let my insecurities rob me of these moments.

10
Till the end

You left ,
then, you altered your version of events.
You made me your villain.

When your friends ask about me,

you call me the demon.

But do they know?

How I had to walk on eggshells around you?
How I’d cry every night from dealing with you?
How you’d bring up a similar event about you when I
talked about the things bothering me?
How I begged you to do the little things that made me
happy?
How you did me dirty and played the victim?
How you make everything about you and would end
every discussion with “I’m that way”?

Maybe I’m dumb, cause when they ask about you ai

say you’re fine
I defend you.

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Even apart, I cherish the good times or the times I
convinced myself were good.

Oh, the heartache!

You won’t be with me and you won’t let me be.

12
Is it just me?

Am I the only one hurting?

Does your heart skip a beat like mine does when I hear
your name?

Does your heart sink, when you see me?

Like mine does, when I see you?

Does it kill you when your friends ask about me?

Like it does me when my friends ask about you?

I know it’s selfish.

I guess some part of me wants to know if you’re going
through the torture of being apart from me.

13
I’m sorry

Hello,
I draw my pen, and reach for the deepest trenches of
my soul to write to you.

I never could bring myself to tell you this in person,

So i wrote about it.

I would not disrespect you by making excuses,

I would not insult you by pointing fingers.

I’m sorry i made you believe we are all liars,

I’m sorry i made you look stupid,
I’m sorry i made you hurt.

You see, it was never my intention,

It’s not often as straightforward as it looks.

I’m sorry it looked like i never reciprocated the attention

, care and love.
I would never lie to you, although it’s hard to believe
that now, I wouldn’t

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I did, i promise, I genuinely cared about you I promise.
Oh, how i wish we never went out this way.

Even though the circumstances of our meeting was off

you did make me happy, and made me feel wanted,
you listened to me rant and made me smile on my
darkest days, for that I’m eternally grateful.

You’re worthy of unconditional love and loyalty,

I apologize, and i hope someday, in the future you
forgive me enough to still want to be friends.

15
Then it stopped hurting , ish

I woke up and it stopped hurting.

I’m going to miss the feelings.
The hurt, the pain of not being with you
Or would i ?

Yes, it’s been said, you really can’t “un-love” a person

but you could live with it.

These songs would no longer remind me of you,

Lol they would but you get the message

But when thoughts of you cross my mind,

I think “Damn it would have been nice, forever”
I did love you to bits at some point, heck I’m not entirely
convinced that I no longer do.

But we do not work, and I know that now,

Love could only take us so far.
Even as you try to paint me the villain,
I would always care about you,
Ps: I’d give good reviews too❤

16
No, I’m not strong

They said a guy is supposed to be strong,

But I don’t want to be.

You say a guy is not to cry,

But i want to let it all out.

You said i shouldn’t show my emotions,

That I’m too sensitive.

But you’re hurting me you,

put me in messed up positions then you ghost me,
You’ve been hurting me,
You keep hurting me.

I can’t tell my friends about it,

They’d just mock me.

I can’t tell talk to you too,

You’d make it worse.

So, I refuse to bottle it all up,

17
I’d cry, scream yell, write about it,
Talk about it, pray about it,
And hope it all goes away.

A man can only be let down so many times,

Before his heart gives up

18
I long for you

I long for you,

So i can catch a whiff,
Of your cologne.

I wait for you,

So i can watch you walk,
left - right, right- left

I look for you,

Just to see that smile,
That rivals a thousand sunrise.
I wait to hear your voice,
So, I learnt your language,
So i could listen to everything you say,
Even what is not said.

I can barely hold the excitement,

So i hope, our names are written,
Side by side, in this life and the next,
Because,
You make me happy.

19
Ps: I loved you totally

Severed my soul from my body,

Engulfed it in poetry,
And gave you something,
To relate with.

I wrote in hopes that,

You hear and understand everything ,
I am too afraid to tell you.

I turned to poetry as a coping mechanism,

I reached for the deepest part of my soul, where the
emptiness was more and immortalized some of our
best moments in literature.

And the bad times? I rewrote them and made new

scenarios in my head , then i penned it down too!

You probably do not care, but if there was ever a doubt,

let it go.
I loved you totally, completely and unconditionally, and
I’m sorry my efforts weren’t enough, I tried , I promise.

20
 IF YOU’VE COME THIS FAR, YOU’VE SEEN MY
MOST VULNERABLE MOMENTS.
I HAVE SHARED THIS WITH YOU IN HOPES THAT
YOU CAN RELATE AND IT GETS BETTER!

21
The end.

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