To Kiki.

Yo.

How are you doing?

I hope you’re doing well.

What do you think about me lately?

Am I funny? Or am I annoying?

Or both?

I guess the answer is both.

Yah, I don't know what you think till you say it.

But, what if I am a toxic person? Would you leave me? Or would you stay?

I don't mind if you wanna leave me, tho. I am a toxic person. Not good for anyone. 'Cause
toxic isn't good for mental health, nor for mindset, body health, lifestyle, etc.

In here, a toxic person means anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life.
Like, anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who
basically brings you down more than up. It's not toxic in the way they speak.

Anyway, I don't really mind if you say out loud some toxic words when you feel annoyed,
that's why I laughed. But I like it when you feel sorry after saying those toxic words in front
of me.

Though I don't have any idea why you suddenly ignore me, but sorry for made you feel mad
or annoyed or upset, or anything that's negative. You can blame me as you like.

Since the start, I was really careful not to like you romantically. Because, you are different
from the others, and I know it would be difficult for me, nor for you if the feelings going too
deep; I mean, if we don't think of each other as normal friends. As you said before, it's not
gonna be easy. Ya, liking someone isn't as easy as in the movies. It sure is needed something
that, perhaps, never came out of you before. And when it comes out, you don't know what
should you do.

By the way, I fell too deep into the similarities you said that I cried after I read your first
letter. Sounds stupid knowing that I'm not somebody to you that time. Or maybe now too.
But, like Beach Bunny sang in their Cloud 9 song, "When he calls me pretty, I feel like
somebody". Then you said that you were in love with me. At that time, "I feel like I'm
floating". And nah, not only that. I can't describe it more specific, but I can feel how it feels
like popping like popcorn when I hear your voice and laughs, flying from below to burst
everything above like fireworks and feels like there are butterflies in my stomach when you
really are honest about what you feel for me, sometimes turning like chocolate melts when
you tryna tease me, and sometimes I got so excited that I forgot how many times passed
while we are talking to each other.

Though, I can't say "I love you" or "honey" or something like that easily. Maybe this is way
too dramatic, but I think I do love you—knowing my actions isn't treat you like you are just
an ordinary friend. I wasn't lying or trying to persuade you when I said your eyebrows are
cakep. Actually, not just your eyebrows. Your whole face is handsome. I said eyebrows
because it's too handsome. Your eyes too. Your voice—your laughs, your high voice when
singing, your voice when annoyed, your voice when talking random, your voice when crying
—they're just too precious. Your act sometimes got me jump or screaming inside like,
"HEHHH WHYY HE'S SO SWEETTTT I CAN'TTtTT", or like, "JUsT WHYyyY HE SAID
AND ACT LIKE THAT?!? IT'S EMBARRASSING YOU KNOOOW!1!". I dunno.
Sometimes it's embarrassing af. Then sometimes, you drive me mad but I can't mad at you for
too long. Also, sometimes your favorite songs are gonna be my favorite songs too. Idfk why
it can be like that, I just let it be.

Damn it. I feel like I'm a simp.

Yah, I can't deny it too, man. Indeed a simp. Like, you are my everything—this time I'm
being too dramatic, aren't I? Hahahha.

But back to the topic. I warn you again. I don't mind if you leave me. You deserve better.
And you know, sometimes it's just feels wrong to have these feelings in adolescence. Like,
we can't even control it. We don't know what to do besides confess it or hide it anyway. But,
someone said this feeling is a gift, so take care of it.

As soon as you leave me or I leave you, it'll be better than we stay together. Actually, I also
really wish things didn't have to be this way like you do. But, like the title of a song, I can't
help falling in love with you.

And am toxic. I feel like I don't deserve you. Even so, It's not like I’m gonna throw away all
my feelings for you if you leave me. I'll take care of it. So, take care of yourself wherever you
at, whenever you are, and whatever the situation you're in—I hope you're doing well, like I
said on the start of this letter.
Love you.