Find a Therapist Get Help Magazine Today US

Find a Therapist (City or Zip) Verified by Psychology Today

ADVERTISEMENT
Ronald E. Riggio Ph.D.
Cutting-Edge Leadership

RELATIONSHIPS

Couples and the Body Language

of Love
How subtle cues can tell if a couple is truly in love.
Posted November 10, 2022 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

KEY POINTS

The close physical proximity of lovers to one another allows them to read
subtle body language cues that are shared by only them.
Tie signs and nonverbal “bids” demonstrate love and that the couple want
to be connected.
Subtle touching, smiling, and tone of voice can all be cues of seduction.

Research on nonverbal communication—body language—has uncovered the

typical ways that couples communicate love and affection to each other. Some
of the cues are subtle and are only detectable by the couples themselves. Other
body language cues are more obvious and can tell observers if the couple is
truly in love. Here are some of them:
Relationships Essential
Facial Cues of Love Reads
Subtle cues of the face and eyes are critical in conveying love and affection.
Couples who are in love tend to keep their bodies closer to one another, which 3 Big Relationship
allows for greater visual attention to subtle facial cues. In general, lovers display Mistakes on "Love Is Blind"
positive emotions in their facial expressions, but, unlike expressions of joy or
elation, they are more muted and subtle—the fleeting smile or a momentarily Quagmire: The Joy and
raised eyebrow—that only the lovers can detect. Heartache of Relationships

Other cues, such as gazing into each other’s eyes, are more obvious, and can be Are You High in Moral
Development? Do You
seen by the astute observer. In fact, one way to measure the degree of Love?
love/infatuation in a couple is the amount of time they engage in mutual eye
contact.
2 Essentials for a Secure
and Stable Relationship
Interactional Synchrony

Couples in love tend to move in sync with each other. Nonverbal communication Why Relationships Fail
and relationship expert John Gottman has labeled certain body language cues
as nonverbal “bids.” A bid can be a look, a touch, a brief gesture—any body
language cue that tells the other person that “I care about you and want to be ADVERTISEMENT

connected to you.” In fact, Gottman and colleagues suggest that when one
partner consistently does not respond to the other’s bid, it can be an indication
that the love connection between the two is diminishing.

Flirting Behavior

Although couples can flirt with one another in many ways, some of the
nonverbal cues of flirtation are quite common. For example, changing to a softer
tone of voice is a typical flirtation cue and is a particularly effective cue used by
women. Men more often will use physical closeness as a flirtation cue—getting
into their partner’s personal space “bubble” as a way of increasing the other
person’s arousal. Smiling and subtle laughter are other flirtation cues used by
lovers.

Signals of Sexual Seduction

Surprisingly, there has been little systematic research on cues of seduction. In

one of our own studies, we found that people tend to express seduction through
body language and facial cues in different ways. The one consistent finding,
however, was that if the cues were rated by observers as “positive,” they were
more seductive. Body language cues that were seen as negative— appearing
aggressive, for example—were not rated as seductive.

All-Important Touch
Find a Therapist
Get the help you need from a
Perhaps the most consistent body language channel of love, however, is touch.
therapist near you–a FREE service
Couples in love engage in “tie signs”—holding hands, arms around the from Psychology Today.
shoulders, or touching knees when seated. A subtle touch can create sexual
arousal or simply provide reassurance, that “I’m here for you.” City or Zip

THE BASICS

Why Relationships Matter

Find a therapist to strengthen relationships

References

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure: A five-step guide to
strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony. Cities:
Sternberg, R.J., Kostic, A. (Eds.). (2022). Nonverbal Communication in Close Relationships: Atlanta, GA Minneapolis, MN
What Words Don’t Tell Us. Cham, Palgrave.
Austin, TX Nashville, TN
Friedman, H. S., & Riggio, R. E. (1999). Individual differences in ability to encode complex Baltimore, MD New York, NY
affects. Personality and individual differences, 27(1), 181-194.
Boston, MA Oakland, CA
Brooklyn, NY Omaha, NE
Charlotte, NC Philadelphia, PA
Chicago, IL Phoenix, AZ
Columbus, OH Pittsburgh, PA
Dallas, TX Portland, OR

About the Author Denver, CO Raleigh, NC

Detroit, MI Sacramento, CA
Houston, TX Saint Louis, MO
Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D., is the Henry R. Kravis Professor of
Indianapolis, IN San Antonio, TX
Leadership and Organizational Psychology at Claremont
McKenna College. Jacksonville, FL San Diego, CA
Las Vegas, NV San Francisco, CA
Online: Kravis Leadership Institute website, Twitter
Los Angeles, CA San Jose, CA
Louisville, KY Seattle, WA
Memphis, TN Tucson, AZ

Read Next Miami, FL Washington, DC

Milwaukee, WI

Are you a Therapist? Get Listed Today

Why Emotional Intimacy and Sexual

Intimacy Go Together Don’t Give in to Your Dark Side

Recent Issues

We use cookies to enhance your website experience. More Info OK

Subscribe Today
 Find a Therapist Get Help Magazine Today US

About Editorial Process Privacy Terms Accessibility United States

Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

We use cookies to enhance your website experience. More Info OK