The Artist: Disclaimer: NARUTO © 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc. - Fractured Tales Project © 2010

Disclaimer: NARUTO 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc.
| Fractured Tales Project 2010
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Again, he asked, as though to confirm it. This time, she did not hesitatethis time, she thought, it and they would be different. Again.
The Artist
You close your eyes as you let the crescendos and the decrescendos of Beethovens Appassionata sweep over you, engulf you, hopefully consume you.
Music is supposed to help you get into the mood Or at least thats what she told you. But you think that she may have been wrong because your canvas is still as shamefully empty as it was before you played the track. And youre worried that this might just be the first failure that youll encounter in your two years of art school. Abstracts have never been your thing. You let your heart guide your hand when you paint abstracts, she told you. Its the easiest thing in the world, theres no pressure at all, its cathartic even, she said. But what happens when the heart is empty? Your eyes flutter open as the last notes of the melody die out. Nothing. Still nothing. Sighing, you lower your brush, still clean and still dry, and lay it on the table alongside your palette, also yet to be touched. You have to do something, or you wont have anything to submit. Youve never been one to dally. You cant force yourself to paintyou cant youve never had to. But theres a first time for everythingand your canvas is still white, white because its clean. White because its empty, because theres nothing thereand you really have to do something productive, something that can help. Something Reading has always helped you. Maybe, if you read about the matter, you can find out what it is that youre doing wrong. So you press the stop button on the not-really-helpful CD player you borrowed, shove it into your bag, and head to the library because youve never been one to dally.
Disclaimer: NARUTO 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc. | Fractured Tales Project 2010
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***
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You see her there, sitting in her usual spot, her nose in a book and her head in the clouds. Not quite so absorbed in what shes reading, (she spots you as you approach her, a cheeky smile on the ready). Hey ugly, you call out. The usual greetings. The usual responses. Shut up Sai. Afraid of a little honesty, hag? You watch her smile disappear as her expression contorts into one of irritation. Shes not ugly, not really. People say shes beautiful. Then again, you wont know. Beauty takes ones breath away, according to a book youve read. If that is true, then you see beauty only when its painted on a canvas. You dont see it in Sakura, nor do you see it in other women. But ugly infuriates her, and you like it when shes angry, because its like a lesson on facial expressions. The downward set of her mouth, the creases on her forehead, the slight flush on her cheeksyou memorize it all for later, when you translate it to art. Its useful. You learn from her anger, so you call her ugly. You dont push her though, because you know that she has a mean right hook. Instead, you take the player from your bag and hand it over to her. Youre done with the project? she asks as she takes the player from you. You shake your head and take a seat across from her. So music didnt work, huh? Again, you shake your head at her. She looks at you for a while before standing up and walking towards the shelves. She is perceptive, and you know that shell be back with the books you need. You know, Im surprised. Youve never had any trouble with the other projects before. In fact, you aced them all. So, why are you having trouble with this one? You watch her as she lays a book down before she skims the pages. Cant you just let your heart guide your hand like I told you? Youre overthinking the whole thing, I think. Justhey! What are you staring at? Only at the way the sunlight streaming through the window turns her pink hair into a fascinating shade of strawberry blonde I think youve gotten uglier, ugly. Havent been sleeping well? Evade. Lie. Save. Somehow, it doesnt seem right to tell her how your mind is busy looking for the right colors to mix to get the exact same shadepink, of course and sienna maybe a bit of yellow, a dash of white
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Hey, youre this close to having your fingers broken, one byoh who am I kidding? Youre right, Sai. I havent been sleeping well. A little bit of orange, no orange might not work rose, rose might work Its just thathes back, Sai Sasuke-kun is back. Rose or pink and what? What? Sasuke-kuns back. He enrolled andwell Her voice is laced with worry and fear and something, and it is only now that you really do take the time to noticeher eyes do look more tired than usual. You watch her for a while, gauge her reaction. You dont really understand her. Sasukes back. Wasnt that what she wanted? Wasnt that what youve always wanted? Well...II supposeyes, yes, that was what I wanted but Afraid that Sasuke-kun will bolt the moment he sees how ugly youve gotten? You watch the landscape of her face change from a worried one to an annoyed one. But somehow, you know that insulting her is the right thing to do. Same insults. Different Results. Its weird. You dont think youll ever understand people. Theyre much toocontradictory. No! Of course not! Im not Then, why arent you out there celebrating with them? I take it that Dickless is already with him? Yes, well Are you not his friend, if nothing else? You watch her face change againits fascinating really. She seems happy, determined, and yet strangely sorrowful. You never quite realize what it is that youve said wrong but apparently Friend yeah Hey, you know what, Sai? Youre right. Im going there right now. Your musings are cut short when she gets up and gathers her things into her bag haphazardly. She takes ten steps away from you before she stops and looks back. So, I guess this is goodbye IThanks, Sai. You think that this must be the most sincere smile she has ever given youits completely different from the fake ones that she always sports and fools you with. But
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you cant shake off the feeling that her farewell somehow meant more. And you feel disconcerted? You dont knowyou never know. What you do know, however, is that Uchiha Sasuke is back. And things will change. Its probably one of the most clairvoyant statements youve ever madethings will change. And indeed they do. Although, you think that its still a bit of an understatement Things will change. The understatement of the year. Everything will change mustve been more accurate. *** Its no secret that youre not in tune with your emotions. But you do know enough to realize that things have taken an unpleasant turn. For one thing, you are now second best. Hes good at painting and drawing and sculpting and everything else involving arteven musical instrumentshes everything that theyve said he would be. Hes the schools legend. Hes the proverbial wasted talent who dropped out of school for pursuits much too dark and dreary to be forgiven, and on the eve of a particularly important interschool contest, no less. Traitor, they call him. But now hes back and much too talented to be ignored. Hes particularly good at painting. A lot like you, but different. He has less technique, less refinement, less color, less accuracyand yet, hes better. His works are right up there with Picasso and Monet and Rembrandt and every other great artist who have earned a place in the history bookshis works take your breath away and you dont know how you feel about it. You suspect, though, that your normal neutral mood has shifted slightly towards the negative. The great masters are great because they combine great talent with great passion, she told you once when you asked her. You winced at the redundant use of the word great back then and threw her an insult just for the heck of it, but you didnt really mind because shes a good conversationalistalways engaging and always informative and always eager. You enjoy her company, just like you enjoy Narutos, only more, because she provokes thoughts and insights and talks intelligently. And youre not happy at all that its hard to come by now that she has gone into hiding.
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Youd like to see her again. You really havent gotten the right shade of pink yet that day, at the library She never did go to her friends that day. Hey Sai! So lost in your thoughts, you fail to see them approach you. You ignore Narutos greeting, choosing instead to stare at his companion. He appears all too rude and arrogant, standing there indifferently with his hands in his pockets, but you smile nonethelesspolite and so utterly fake. You rack your head for an insulta nickname provoking and Dicklessas you so warmly call himappears to see through your intentions and steps in before you can find a new nickname for the traitor. You divert your gaze and smile instead at the one who is talking to you. Sai, do you happen to know where Sakura-chan is? Iweve been trying to find her these past few days, but to no avail. Weve looked everywhere. And we asked the librarian, she said that you and Sakura-chan were talking in the library the day that Teme here arrived. He gestures to his companion, who is standing behind him with an air of impatience and annoyance and something else. So I thought that maybe you know I dont know where Ugly is. He looks at you then, and all thoughts of insults and nicknames flee from your head as you see that his eyes are dark and black and abysmal and terrible and empty-butnot-quite Your smile falters. *** You dont exactly like how he makes you feel. Its uncomfortable and unpleasant and you dont like it. You try your best not to get affected but its hardespecially when hes in front of you, nimble hands ghosting over a canvas. Youre doing self-portraits today. Your hold on your paint brush tightensits not supposed toand theres a smudge where your ear should be. Its an error you wont be able to rectify. You sigh as you move your own canvas out of the way so that you can start anew. Without your canvas, your view of his back and his work is unobstructed. And his eye stares back at you from the canvasdark, cold black. Charcoalhe chooses charcoal. You can never quite put up an empty new canvas fast enough.
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You dont exactly like how he makes you feel. *** One of the few things that you know about yourself is your need to understand, your need to comprehend and it is this need that drives you to Yamanaka Inos humble apartment. She is here. You know, because her drab, battered, much-too-old sneakers lying unobtrusively in the corner are the first things you notice. Ahh. Sai-kun, what brings you here? Inos voiceshrill and high distracts you from your object of interest. It doesnt matter anyway. It doesnt matter if Sakura is here. Youve come here for Inogossip extraordinaire, indispensable fountain of information. I wanted to ask She nods, silently urging you to continue. about Uchiha Sasuke. And you pretend not to have heard the soft gasp from the direction of the kitchen. You pretend not to have noticed Inos worried glance towards that direction. Its easier. But Ino is wily, and she grins at you in a way thats only short of menacing, and you cant help but think twice about your decision to come. eh? Ahh, Sasuke-kun has even caught the attention of the Prince of Apathy here,
You dont answer because you dont know what to say. So you choose to remain silent, let her draw her own conclusions, let her think. A pregnant pause follows; she waits for you to react, to defend yourself, to splutter and be embarrassed and do things that you should never give her the satisfaction of seeing. So, instead, you continue to smile at her, still polite, still fake. Taking the hint, she continues. What do you want to know about Sasuke-kun exactly? Anything worth knowing, you answer. Its vague, but enough for Ino to launch into her litany of facts and figures about Uchiha Sasuke. He was eight, you know when his whole family was murdered And so, you learn the tale of a prestigious clan betrayed and disgraced, butchered with a brutality that bordered on insanity. You learn of the boy who was left behind to suffer through it all. You learn of the sacrifices made as the boy followed the dark path of revenge. You learn of the bonds brokenthe friendships forsaken, the love
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relinquished. You learn of anger and hatred and greed and treachery. You learn of Uchiha Sasuke. His life would be a blockbuster if it was a movie. Who wouldve ever thought that there were still people in this world who pursued larger-than-life revenge goals? Or maybe Inos just a masterful storyteller. Or a liar. Or a gossip. Because really, if Uchiha Sasuke got his revenge, then shouldnt he be in prison right now for murder? SuicideUchiha Itachi died of suicideits all over the news. Certainly, the school wont accept someone who right? The school wont do that. What you do know, though, is that a lot of things are clearer now that you know the story. You glance out the window and note that the bright blue sky has given way to the dark indigo of night. Well, its getting late. Its time for me to leave. Thank you for your time. A polite smile. A polite bow. Its funnywhat people will do for nothing at all... Yamanaka Ino practically spends her whole afternoon talking. It mustve been tiring. And yet she does it for free. Humans are weird. You close the door behind you, slip your feet into your shoes, and stoop to tie the shoelaces. Youll leave now, but the voices drifting from inside the room are much too interesting. Hes gone now, Sakura. You can come out. Eavesdropping is bad, but you dont really care. Ino, you know, you really painted Sasuke-kun in a bad light in your story. Ah, Forehead girl, I was just being honest. The guys a bastard. I dont know why youre still so crazy about him even after he left you on that bench. Hes not a bastard, Ino-pig. If hes such a prince charming, then why are you hiding from him, eh? I never said he was a prince charm
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Now, Saihes a wonderful hunk of man. And Im pretty sure his inquiry about Sasuke was half because of you. He might even like you! Wrong. Women are such frivolous and assuming creatures. No! Im pretty sure I had nothing to do with Sais sudden curiosity about Sasuke-kun! He cant possibly like me that way! Hes Sai! Sai doesnt like-like anyone! Besides Besides? Besides? Hes not Sasuke-kun And somehow, you cant help but wonder if that last comment has anything to do with the sudden urgency with which you are now tying your shoelaces. *** Shes at Yamanaka Inos house. You cant help but feel slightly ill at ease here at the roof top. Theres a breathtaking sunsetbeautiful, picturesque, serene, a perfect soup of orange and yellow, and red, red, redand then theres Uchiha Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke, who a few moments ago was brushing furiously at a canvas, now stares at you with an expression that you cant quite understandtheres gratitude but theres mistrust and annoyance and resentment? Impossible. Why will he feel any resentment towards you? And you cant quite take the quiet intensity of his eyes, eerily reflecting the sunset in such a way that they look impossibly red. And with eyes like that, you can easily believe that he really is capable of leaving the girl he secretly loved unprotected on a bench, that he really injured Naruto bad enough in a fight to have induced a semi-coma, that he could have murdered his brother and made it look like suicide; that you can believe all those larger-than-life stories about him and that he scares you more than youll like to admit. So you divert your gazeyou stare at something familiar, something niceyou stare at his painting. You wonder if the red, red blood on that much-too-morbid battlefield was somehow inspired by the red, red sunset because, really, theyre the same shade the exact same shade Its only apt that the most unsettling person youve ever met also makes the most unsettling paintings. You are roused from your musings when he sets down his brush and stands up.
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Are you sure? he asks, voice much too deep and much too serious to belong to a teenager but only much too appropriate for Uchiha Sasuke. Yes. He leaves you then, paintbrushes in his pocket and canvas tucked under his arm, the only indication of his gratitude is a brusque nod in your direction. And it is all you can do to keep from sighing in relief. You are smiling at him, always polite and always fake, but he never does return the smile. And you cant help but wonder how itll feel like if you greet the world the same way Uchiha Sasuke doesno pretenses, no hiding your ugliness. You stare at his retreating back, disappointed that you can never find a suitable insult for him. Ugly is already taken, after all. And you sure as hell cant call him beautiful. *** A series of events are set into motion by your little information leakage. Events that look like they came straight out of a sappy romance storya bad one at that, or in Uglys own words: one where the womans so frustratingly weak-willed and the mans just a chauvinistic pig that gets a lot of undeserved love. insanity. And youre just lucky (or unlucky) enough to get a front row seat to all the
That your new apartment is located across the Yamanaka residence, you can attribute to pure coincidence. But that Uchiha Sasuke is your new roommatethat is the hand of fate at work. Its not fair, really. Fate has such a sick sense of humor. Its just your luck to be lumped in the same house as the most unsettling person on the planet. And hes a bit of a peeping tom too, in a scary stalker-ish kind of way. But apparently, hes a peeping tom with a good eye because he can recreate that elusive shade of pink-that-looks-like-strawberry-blonde that you simply cant ever get no matter how hard you try. Its a beautiful painting, really. This rendition of Sakura tending to some flowers on a balconya plethora of pinks and yellows and greens and bluesall in pastel, delicate, devoid of boldness, muted down, weakened. All wrong. Youve never had to clench your fists to keep them from moving until now. And this scares you because youve never been impulsive before. How can you, when youve never even had an impulse, desirepassion. You dont have those. And each and every thing you do in life is as precise as your brush strokes.
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Something tells you its because hes somehow being an asshole. Hes being unfair to Sakura. This painting, this beautiful painting of his, is an insult to your friends character. Except, she has never been your friend, has she? She has always been his friend just as Naruto is his friend as well. So where does that leave you? In the fringes, the edges, the border, the frame And you cant help but wonder Is the frame still part of the picture? Something tells you its not. *** Youre smacked right in the middle of the mayhem, and you cant help but think that the fringes wouldve been a much better place. Pass the ramen, will ya? But as it is, here you are, pressing your face at the window, prayingyes, prayingto God in heaven that Sakura will surrender. Yeah, shes your friend and all, but you dont think you can take another moment of Narutos incessant whining. Theres no more ramen left, Dickless. this Its bad enough that hes living in your apartment without paying any rent. But Then can you make some, please? this is just too much. Why dont you make your own ramen? Or does your lack of penis prevent you from doing so? I cant! Sakura-chan might come out and I might miss the whole thing. And what do penises have to do with ramen, anyway? Please make ramen? You dont really know if hes consciously trying to manipulate you or if hes just stupid. No. He doesnt look like hes planning anything bad. Aww please? No. In fact, he looks downright innocent.
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Ill fart Ah, manipulation. Too bad, though, because you fall for it completely. It doesnt matter anyway. Its not like watching Sasuke angst under the rain is more interesting than making ramen. You sigh as you stand up; best to get things over with, after all. Its awful, reallythis business. Youre being manipulated into making ramen, and you already feel miserable. Sakuras being manipulated into forgiveness (and love, Uchiha Sasuke says, but he already has that and therefore doesnt need to do any manipulation to get ithe just doesnt know it yet) and you cant even begin to imagine how that must make her feel. Its weirdthat love will be easier to come by than forgiveness. Hes persistent, thoughUchiha Sasukefor two weeks, he never falters in his daily trek to Inos house, always asking for Sakura and always being denied. Two weeks of his fruitless efforts and he switches to a new tacticstanding outside for a full hour, just staring at Sakuras window. Hes been doing it every single day, for about a week now. And youve thought hell give up today, what with the torrential downpour. But as it is, he has just seen the rain as a perfect opportunity to coax her out. Naruto acknowledges his genius. You just think that hes a first class asshole. Still, though, faced with the reality and the gravity of the situation, you cant help but wish that Sakura wont give in. Its something you dont quite understand. But you tell yourself that its for her sake, that she wont fall head first into a relationship in which she will more likely end up miserable than happy. God forbid that youre wishing it for your own sake. You wouldnt Oi Sai! Come here! Somethings happening! But then, why is your heart throbbing in the most unpleasant way as you rush to the window, dread and urgency melding into wobbling knees and a knot in your stomach? As it is, youre just in time to see Sakura collapse into Sasukes arms in a way that you can only describe as complete abandon, and the latters triumphantly arrogant smirk as she does so. You want to hate him, really. But you cantnot when you see how uncharacteristically soft his eyes are as he returns the fierce embrace. If you dont know him any better, youll say hes holding back tears, maybe even crying. But you cant really tell because its raining. Sakura, though, is a different matter altogether, her unabashed sobbing audible even through the din of the pouring rain.
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Its a scene straight out of a cheesy romantic movie, indeed. The frustratingly weak female and the chauvinistic pig of a male locked in a needy embrace underneath a shower of rain. Its so clich, its disgusting. And Narutos hoots of victory are just making matters worse. But with your trusty fake smile plastered on your face, none of your true feelings are betrayed. A damn good thing too, because you can hear Sakuras half-hearted complaints of what a moron Sasuke-kun is and how stupid Sasuke-kun is and how its Sasukekuns fault if he gets sick through the door. And it opens and you see him come in, a soaked Sakura clutching the sleeves of his equally soaked gray jacket, and you realize immediately that your suspicions are true, because the redness of his eyes betrays the tears he had shed. Youd say youve lost some respect for him for his lack of control over his emotions. But youre miserable and hes content and somehow you feel like the loser. *** The only good thing about the days that follow is the stability that the denouement brought. Without the drama, without the angst, and after that much-tootypical climax of the silly love story and the equally silly loving-girl-makes-chickensoup-for-sick-boy skit that had followed, life has dulled into a steady pacewith everyone content and happy except for you. Hey, Sasuke-kun, whats the title of this painting? Sunset. But its a battlefield. Yes, Sakura, obviously, the sun sets in battlefields too. Couldnt you have chosen the sunset over a sea or over aaI dont know, somewhere happier? Dont bother, Sakura-chan, thats just the way Teme expresses all his deepest and darkest morbid thoughts. But stability is a little mercy that youll gladly accept. Little mercies, after all, are hard to come by these days, especially with Naruto becoming a permanent fixture in your apartmentfreeloading and loving it. At the very least, though, his presence in the apartment prevents you from feeling like a third wheel, especially when Sakura comes to visit. Shes wonderful, really, lavishing attention upon both you and Naruto equally. Its a social skill, you think, thats very importantthis tact and this kind consideration
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for the feelings of others. You wonder if it comes naturally to her, or if its something she consciously does. Sasuke, though, is a different matter. Even with Sakuras superb social skills, he is still put on a pedestal far higher than either you or Naruto, and he expects to be put there or else or else, hell sulk. How about this one, Sasuke-kun, whats its title? Hospital. What? Its a hospital You turn your head, curious at whats happening. You see Sakura looking at a painting, her face contorted into an expression of confusion. But its grotesque Doubly curious now, you saunter over to where she and Naruto are standing to peer into the painting yourself. As it is, its a really grotesque painting of a white building that looks like its about to eat people up, propped against a grayish and reddish sky that seems equally foreboding. The only indication that its really a hospital is the symbol above the huge doors, the one with two snakes and some sort of rod. On the walls of the hospital are souls, seemingly embedded into the very concrete, done in the same way that the renaissance painters did, only this time, their expressions are wrought with an expression of pure agony and misery that youve never really seen anywhere else. And you cant help but be in awe at the sheer genius of the painting. Thats the point. His voice, a deep baritone, sounds scathing and condescending as he talks to her. But she seems oblivious to it as she prods on. But the hospital is a good thing, Sasuke-kun. Its a place where many people get saved. No. Its a place where people die. B-But, those who die are already dying when theyoh never mind. I dont need to listen to your cynical view of the world. Anyway, Im pretty late for my appointment with Tsunade-shishou, see you later Sai, Naruto and Sasuke-kun, try to think happier thoughts next time, hm? Love you. Bye bye. And you watch her as she goes over to her Sasuke-kun to give him a peck on the cheek, which he receives impassively, before going out the door. And you cant help but decide now that the stories about him probably arent true, because how can a man without scruples deserve happiness like this?
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Conveniently, you forget that justice, in a world like this, is a mere myth. Whats that one called? And you can hardly believe that its your voice speaking and that youre actually gesturing to what hes uncovering at this very moment. He looks at you, then, eyes calculating and scrutinizing, with an underlying hostility that even Naruto can sense. You know, because at the corner of your eye, you can see him tensing, getting ready, perhaps, to stop an impending fight. But your mind can only focus on the person youre looking atUchiha Sasuke, still silent, probably deliberating whether to give an answer or to beat you up. And for a moment, you think that hes probably leaning towards the latter. Redemption. He turns away from you then, continues uncovering the canvas, picks up his brush, dips it in red and white and a bit of yellow, and adds the final touches to the rosecolored hair of the girl in the painting. *** Days pass by and you find a place for yourself in this posse, somewhere in between past and present and somehow, if things continue this way, youve assured yourself a place in the future. Its a queer relationship, thats for sure. The dynamics can be confusing at times, almost like a complicated dance, but its workable and you might even say that youre content. You and Naruto are the same as always, with him bristling at your off-hand comments about his masculinity and his penis. You can even call him your friend, and vice versa, probably. You and Sasuke are hardly friends. You dont even have conversations with him at all. But you do unite against Naruto, whom you both find incredibly stupid. Its not as much of a friendship as an alliance and you guess thats the most you can have with him. With Sakura, though, things have gone a bit awry. You dont really know where you stand when it comes to her. Its weirdbut somehow, talking to her suddenly seems a bit forbidden ever since she and Sasuke became official. Though, that doesnt make much sense, because Naruto treats her just as he always has. And, logically, nothing shouldve changed between the two of you. And when three of you are together, its always either Sasuke, Naruto, and you or Naruto, Sakura, and you or the three of them excluding you. Its never Sasuke, Sakura, and you because you always find yourself shunning that situationits irrational and illogical and totally uncharacteristic of you, but you cant seem to help yourself. And if they have noticed this, then theyre certainly not saying.
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Still, though, its a peace that you wont trade for any other. Because the routine has turned you somewhat numb and therefore somewhat closer to whats normal for youthat is, the state of the world before Uchiha Sasuke came. *** You would never have expected that it would be you yourself who would break the humdrum. It all started with a random decision to go to the library once againa habit that, like your conversations with Sakura, had died once Uchiha Sasuke arrived. You were trying (and failing) once again to work on your abstract and the thought of the impending deadline spurned you to take action. You saw her there, wearing a cream-colored cashmere sweater, and a sense of dj vu washed over you immediately. Logic told you to walk out before she saw you but instead, you found yourself walking over to her. Your conversation started out normal enoughjust as always, with insults and admonishments and a few half-hearted hows life going for you type questions. But immediately after the typical pleasantries and unpleasantries, things started getting awkward. And you found yourself silently staring at howagainthe light from the window colors her hair in a pretty shade of strawberry blonde. She too, seemed quite uneasy, and was making fake little coughing sounds to compensate for the silence. However, instead of helping her alleviate the awkwardness of the situation, you just had to make it worse by reaching out to touch her hair. It was impulsive and uncharacteristic and telling because for someone as uncommunicative and as unfeeling as you, the simple action spoke volumes. You didnt even know what you did until you saw her look at you with the most confused expression, her mouth slack and her eyes wide with shock. You instantly pulled your hand back as if you were burned, took one step backwards, gave a small bow, said goodbye, and walked out the door, your heart swimming with feelings that your head struggled hard to trivialize. That you switched apartments the next day, however, was proof that it was not nothing as you so wanted it to be. It irked you that whatever you had gained the previous years were all shattered by that single moment of impulsivity, but whats done was done and theres nothing you could do. Your only solace was that Naruto and Sasuke appeared to have no idea whatsoever about whats going on, as they even helped you move. Sakura, however, was absent throughout the whole thing. Busy with her shishou, according to Sasuke, but you knew better. And it appears that moving away is a futile action anyway, as the previous events are still plaguing your mind even after a whole week and the images of all the
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cheesy romantic scenes between her and him are still burned into your mind, seemingly on constant replay. And its not helping at all that its raining either. You are roused from your morose thoughts, however, when you hear the doorbell ring. Groggily, you get up, wondering about whoever it is that is knocking because, really, as far as you know, you dont have friends. Naruto and Sakura, maybe. But they have always been his and not yours. And you just cant imagine anyone else coming in for a social call. Whoever it is, though, surely seems impatient. You vaguely wonder if the person at your door has a personal vendetta against your doorbell, because really, they seem furious at it or maybe theyre just getting soaked by the rain. So you hurry to the door, more for your doorbell than the one getting soaked. You prepare your smile even before you open the door, a habit you cant seem to get rid of. Nor do you want to, anyway. You have never expected, though, that the smile will fade the moment you open the door. Sakura? What? No insult this time? Shes smiling at you too, fake like the first time, but a bit more strained this time. You almost close the door at her right then and there. Instead, you move aside and let her pass. Cozy place youve got here, she remarks, closing her umbrella and placing it beside the door as she speaks. You watch her as she takes a few steps into the foyer but divert your gaze when she turns back and looks at you. Sai I And the sound of her voice, so weak and trembling and vulnerable, draws you in and you just cant help but look at her, disheveled and slightly soaked from the downpour and think that she might just be the first pretty girl youve seen. And it bothers you that your heart is speeding. It hurts but its not at all unpleasant and you wont mind it at all if only you arent so scared. And you dont know what it is but you think that maybe, this thing you feelthis acheseems suspiciously like hope. week. You know we lets just forget about that awkward moment we had last
You try not to feel so disappointed that the ache has just turned unpleasant when you hear those words come tumbling out her mouth. You plan to make a witty comment, but as it is, your throats far too dry for you to speak.
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So you just stare at her, mute and immobile and unresponsive. You can see that it worries heryour impassivenessand you cant help but feel bitterly glad about it. II just dont want to lose youyour friendship, she begins again, taking a different tactic. Oh and Ino-pig is so annoying with her I told you sos and Naruto is so blatant with his loyalty to Sasuke-kun, and youre really the only impartial friend I have. Wrong. Youre not impartial. Youre on her side, she just doesnt know it or maybe she does and shes just not as innocent as she portrays herself to be. Maybe this is what being used is You dont know You never know. Besides, youre one of the few people I can actually have sane conversations with. She laughs, awkward and forced. Sai she calls, and your sour satisfaction over making her uncomfortable earlier melts when you see that shes dangerously close to tears. I hope youre not going to cry, you know how much uglier you are when youre bawling. She laughs this time, genuine and uninhibited, relieved and grateful and beautifully melodic. Now come on, Im making tea. You walk past her and lead the way to the kitchen. Immediately, you head to the stove and start heating some water. You have your back turned to her but you can hear her shuffling, as if shes taking out a stool and sitting by the counter. Ive been meeting with Tsunade-shishou regularly these past few days. You dont answer her this time. But the tension has been alleviated earlier and she knows you well enough to know that youre listening even if youre not responding. Shes advising me to go to med school. And? you ask, curious this time. Theres no med school in your city. The nearest one is at the next town, and its not even a good one. I think Im going to take her advice. She says it as if the decision is trivial and small. Youre not fooled. This decision of hers has hundreds of implications but theres only one bottom line: Shes leavingbut she doesnt want to. Where? Tokyo.
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What about art school? You watch her as she smiles wryly, as if embittered by something. I was never really good at art anyway. You know that she never really made exceptional artworks. She was industrious and was decently talented, true. But she was never great at art, so to speak. All I was good at was the bookish stuff. Medicine suits me more, I think. You dont think you can argue with that. Of course, in the point of view of an artist, you know that Sakuras opinion on herself is completely correct. It irks you, though, that shes not. And money? Youre paying your way through art school, arent you? My parents are going to take care of it. They didnt support me in my decision to take up fine arts but theyre willing to support me if I take up med. Shishou talked to them about it. They were happy. Youre running out of arguments and you cant help but wish you have more. Still there is one though, you just hate to have use it. And Sasuke? But you do so anyway. She pauses, her mouth closed tight and her brows knitted together in some thought. You dont quite know. Maybe its worry, sadness, you dont know. You also dont know whether youre happy or sad that you finally found an argument that she doesnt have an answer to. Its bittersweetthis, and its threatening your much-valued sanity (or insanity, whichever way you look at it) because really, youve never ever been as unstable and undecided as you are now. You never thought you could be fickle. He doesnt love me anyway. Wrong. You keep silent, not bothering to correct her, not wanting to. Youve never thought you can be utterly selfish either. She, however, takes your silence as a sign to continue. Im justhe never shows me, you know that he cares. I have no idea no idea at all if he... She falters then, her voice breaking. She stops, takes a deep breath to calm herself and goes on. Shes brave, you think, but utterly blind. But then again, she has
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never been able to read an artists canvas without a textbook guiding her. It only follows that she cant read Sasukes. I dont think I matter to him. I thought This time, she does start crying. And you cant help but feel that you want to hold her tight and kiss her tears away and do all of those cheesy romantic stuff that are horribly corny but helpful. You dont quite understand, however, where your drive comes from. You have an inkling; but youre not surenever surebecause you dont know what to base it from. How does one know or recognize love, anyway? I thought he loved me back, this time. The memory of Uchiha Sasuke adding the final details to his painting flits through your mind and his voice saying redemption rings in your ears over and over and over. You wonder if this is proof that your conscience exists. You really dont know. Youre not sure. It doesnt matter anyway, because you wont be listening to it. But, if he loves me, then he should at least show me. He doesnt even pay attention! And he doesnt even acknowledge me. Hes so distant, like hes always in another world, one where I cant reach. You scorn her, really, for her stupidity. You scorn all women, actually. Their inability to view things objectively makes them blind. Women and their If then statements that are just too generic and too narrow to be of any use. Its ironic and contradictory and so utterly stupid. Women prattle on about love incessantly and yet they know nothing of it. You dont understand why they cant feel and think at the same time. Youve never understood (but youre beginning to, arent you?). I dont think I can stand it anymore I dont want to hurt anymore. Shes not supposed to be hurting but shes too blind to know that. You pity Uchiha Sasuke, because he will unnecessarily lose something important. But you dont pity him enough to help him. I dont And when she gets consumed by wracking sobs, you know that its your cue. Its bad for you, you know, but you approach her anyway. You sit on the stool beside hers and gently pat her head. Its an affectionate gesture, similar to that awkward touch you gave her at the library, and yet completely and utterly different. The first one had been spontaneous. Thisthis is more like youcalculated, deliberate, manipulative. from. She leans into you, seeking comfort from the worst possible person to ask it
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You dont make any move to put your arm around her (because youve never ever had to do something like that before and it scares you so muchthis intense desire to do so). Instead, you just stay there, like a pillar, you think, except, you dont feel strong at all. Your legs are turning into jelly and theres a knot in your stomach and a lump in your throat. Its uncomfortable, but its not unpleasant, not unpleasant at all. The two of you stay this way for quite a while. You savor it, because something tells you that its the only taste youll ever get of whatever it is that youre looking for. And when shes calm and she has straightened up and moved away from you, wiped her tears and gathered her dignity, you try not to be too disappointed at the end of the first and last. She looks at you then, eyes clear and challenging and perfectly, perfectly green, her voice staccato and weak and pathetically pleading. Give me a reason to stay. You want to think that this is an innuendo, but you know its not. Her requestconcise and compactis actually a question. Shes asking for your opinion. And you think shes the cruelest person on earth. Do you think Sasuke loves her? You dont think You know. If Sasuke loves her, then shell stay. Then shell have to stay Unless Im sorry You mean it, really you do. Youre sorry for being so selfish. But an apologys the only thing you can give. Truth, youll withhold. Im sorry. N-No, its okayI Its not your fault. Yes it is, but she doesnt need to know that. I guess it was bound to happen. I mean, Ino said so I was just too blind to see it. Anyway, no use crying about it or else Ill become even uglier, right? She laughs again, weak and watery. She has her answer, but its not what she thinks it is. She looks down at her feet and takes a deep breath before looking back at you. other. Alright, I have to go. Bye Sai, I guess, this is the last time well see each
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Then, she moves towards you and gives you the warmest hug, though you dont really know because youve never had anything to compare it to. Thank you for everything. You try to search yourself for any feelings of guilt, because if theres any right time to feel it, then this moment is it. Youve just ruined the lives of two people and you should feel guilty but you dont find anything when you search your heart. And as she says goodbye and walks out the door, you cant help but wonder what the consequences of your selfishness are. Uchiha Sasuke will become a better artist. And when she turns and looks back at you before leaving completely and gives you a bright smile, friendly and warm and beautiful like the ones she gives to Sasuke, you cant help but think of how much of a bastard you are. Ill give you a free check-up when I become a doctor. Bye, Sai! Because shes redemption and now neither of you can have her, but he needs her more and you know that. And its your fault and youve probably just destroyed someone who has never really wronged you, and really, what have you done? *** Fate, you decide, is your arch-enemy from now on. Really, you dont quite like the idea of having the universe conspire against you, trying to make you guilty for that one sin you have committed. Seriously, its just one sin one sin. Technically, it isnt even a lie. As it is, here you are, staring straight at the fruits of your selfishness: a raging, uncontrolled, almost-insane Uchiha who you wont even dare touch with a ten foot pole. And youre thankful that he doesnt know that its your fault that she left. Because, really, youll hate to be in the place of that painting hes destroying right now. Its such a waste, really. Because its such a pretty picture it captures the color of her hair perfectly. She promised! You dont even know how youve gotten involved in this mess. You just wanted to get the set of brushes you left behind when you moved. They dont come cheap, after all. You note, however, that Sasuke is holding a bottle in his handsgin, you think. Theyve been drinking, him and Naruto. Naruto, who is currently standing nearby, looks sobered by his friends outburst. Hes wearing a serious expressionthe most serious youve ever seen on him. Friendship, you think, is more beautiful than love the romantic kind, anyway.
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She promised! But your reflections halt when Sasuke tears another portion of the painting, finally succeeding in destroying it. Youre transfixed as you watch him throw it angrily to the floor. Hes like a child having a tantrum, you think, and its almost funny, how he kicks the ruined painting, almost as an afterthought. Its almost funnybut you dont find yourself laughing. She fucking promised! His voice, loud and sounding slightly hysterical, worries you. It strikes you odd that in between growls and snarls, hes smilingor sneeringbitterly and in a weirdly psychotic way. And you become even more worried when he takes his bottle and pours its contents all over what was once a work of art. And when he shoves his hands into his pockets, unstable and so obviously inebriated now, and takes out a lighter, your heart stops and youre paralyzedin fear and sheer awebecause hes passionate to the point of insanity and youre seeing his art, his love, his being, his essence in its rawest form. Its powerful and hair-raising and this this must have been how it wouldve felt like to be watching as Van Gogh lopped off his own ear. Its a sight to behold, reallyUchiha Sasuke in a rampage. And youre slightly surprised to find that Naruto has more sense than you, because now hes moving towards Sasuke, moving to restrain him and prevent what would have been a disastrous fire. He gets shoved away, however, when he attempts to grab his friends shoulder. And you cant help but feel sorry for him because he doesnt deserve to take this kind of crap from anyone, but he does, because he is Naruto. You almost flinch as you watch him passively take undeserved punches, and you wonder if you should help but youre there in the fringes always in the fringes, never in the heart. You dont know how much time passes, but the scufflewhich is not really a scufflecomes to a halt when Naruto manages to shove Sasuke into the wall, wherein the latter promptly collapses into a heap on the floor. With his back against the wall and his legs stretched out before him, Sasuke looks up and covers his face with his hands. Hes in a pitiful state, and you cant quite make yourself forget that it is you who has put him there. He bends his knees and hunches over and you suspect that hes crying, hiding his face, still trying to be dignified, even in his weakest moment. And Naruto, bruised and scarred now, looks sympathetically at his friend. And you cant quite follow the shifting of emotions in his eyes theres pity and anger and pain and so many others that you cant quite recognize.
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Im going to go find Ino, she probably knows where Sakura-chan is, he practically growls, and you know right then that the emotion that has won out is anger, probably directed at Sakura. And youve never quite anticipated that things like this can happen because of you. And you think you feel guilty because they were perfect and you destroyed them. Make sure he doesnt do anything stupid, will you Sai? You cant deny this requestnot after what youve done. Youll have to accept this: your punishment and your pleasurea whole night of watching Uchiha Sasuke break. *** You wince at the unpleasant taste of cold green tea, it takes a lot of effort to swallow it, because it is bitter and cold and not at all what you wantbut you do so, anyway. Call it penance. Its your own fault anywayYouve left the tea untouched for too long because youre distracted by your conscience, and yes, you acknowledge its presence now. Because really, what else couldve deprived you of all that sleep? Penance, though, is useless because it doesnt really change anything. Action, on the other hand, is more useful. And youve always been a man of action. So saying, you drain the rest of your tea into the kitchen sink and head to your former apartment. Youre praying to God that the garbage collectors havent touched the trash yet. Fate may be your enemy, but God certainly isnt. And when you peak into the trash bin and see the remains of that painting, soggy and stinky but still there, you cannot help but feel a wave of relief wash over you. Your hand is dirty, but you dont mind there are more important things to worry about. Youve grown, you think, and you like it though, of course, you have to suffer through the growing pains same as everyone else. You spend the rest of the day patching up the remains of the painting. Its stained and torn and looks rather shabby now, devoid of its former beauty. But its enough.
He called it Redemption.
You scribble the words on the canvas with a marker, messily and hastily because your heart still hurts in a way thats incomprehensible and unexplainable but perfectly
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recognizable. It feels exactly like the time you used Sasukes name for a reason to make her stay You hope this works, because you dont know what else you can do to rectify your mistake if it doesnt. No matter, though, you have to try. Now, all thats left is to bribe Ino for Sakuras address, mail the painting, and pray for success. *** Courageyou discoveris something that has to be collected to be dispensed. And for you, it takes a whole week of collection to be able to return to Uchiha Sasukes apartment. But here you are, hovering outside, your heart aching in a pleasant yet unpleasant way. Youre staring at a pair of drab, battered, much-too-old sneakers haphazardly discarded on the mat outside the front dooryouve seen them before. Theyre hers. Your planits a success. And it hurts. You turn away, then, intent on getting as far away as possibleto retreat into your house and pretend that your heart isnt throbbing and smarting. Oi, Sai! What are you doing here? Youll wonder why youre terribly short on luck but as it is, Narutos already pushing you into the apartment and you have little time to think because now youre seeing her, youre seeing her and him together, and it stings. Youre right in time, Sai, Sakura-chans here but only for a week, shell pursue her studies but will stay together with the TemHey, Teme, Sakura-chan Sais here! She looks at you thenturns her head and really looks at you and she smiles a smile thats just for you. Your heart flutters, but its still aching because she has her head on Sasukes shoulder and he has his arms around herand they look beautiful together. You hopepraythat they dont hire you for a family portrait, because really, that will just be agonizing and every brushstroke will feel like hundreds of needles being driven into your palm. Hi Sai, Im so glad youre here! Ill go make some tea for all of us. Ramen, for me Sakura-chan! No, Naruto, make your own ramen! Aw but Sakura-chan! No buts.
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And youre wishing that the sound of their bickering isnt drifting away and disappearing into the kitchen because you dont want to be here with him. You sit on the easy chair adjacent to the couch, not bothering to smile or strike up a conversation. And its awkward and silent because Thank you. You mustve imagined it. Yes, thats right, because if it isnt your imagination then that means that Uchiha Sasuke actually thanked you. And he shouldnt because its your fault thatwell, it's his fault too for not showing her how much he loves her (and maybe even taking her for granted) but that's just his nature, just as it is in Sakura's nature to be blind. His eyes, though, they're as intimidating as they were when you first saw him. And when he turns to look at you, you see gratitude and anger all at the same time. I know you like her. And to that, you simply dont have an answer. Because you yourself didnt know, and yet he knows, and this explains a lot of things, really Hey, what are you two doing there all serious and sulky-like? Theyre falling in love with each other, Sakura-chan. Didnt you see the googly-eyes they were giving each other? Shut up Naruto, Sasuke-kun is so not gay! Ah, but yes he is, didnt you notice how And when you see him take hold of Sakuras wrist and pull her closer, when she leans in to press a gentle kiss on his forehead, and he smiles a bit, content and happy and everything you want to be, you realize that you deserve it, after all his thanks, his gratitude. You've wronged him, yes, but you also made things right. He still dislikes you for liking Sakura, obvious because of his much-too-possessive gestures and that slightly challenging look he's giving you. But he also acknowledges that he is indebted to you because it takes a lot to do what you did. And you think that, if the roles have been reversed, he wouldn't have done the same for you. And you suspect that he knows this too. You deserve his gratitude. Youre welcome. And you smile at him, not fake and yet not happy eitherits sad and pathetic and you pity yourself, really. But youre not quite in the fringes anymore because youve given and youve shared and youve lost. And later, when Sakura serves you tea, along with Naruto and Sasuke, you feel a bit better, because youre not in the fringes anymore. Youre not in the center either, but youre getting there.
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Thank you, hag. You mean it, you really do. *** Youre listening to it againBeethovens Appassionata. Its as useless as ever, but you dont mind, because this time your hearts guiding your hand and your canvas isnt white and empty, but full of pink and black and orangenot the best color combination, but good enough. white. You smile, no longer fake, as you dip your brush into the mixture of black and
You thinkas you smear the mixture into the middle of all the pink and black and orangethat the painting can use a bit of gray and it pleases you. You like it, painting abstracts... Its cathartic.

The Artist: Disclaimer: NARUTO © 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc. - Fractured Tales Project © 2010

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The Artist: Disclaimer: NARUTO © 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc. - Fractured Tales Project © 2010

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Disclaimer: NARUTO 1999 by Masashi Kishimoto & Shueisha Inc.

| Fractured Tales Project 2010

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