LCCIANS
SEMI FINALS
UNIT IV
LEADERSHIP, COMPETENCE AND COMMITMENT
SKILLS DEVELOPMENT
LESSON 1: DEVELOPING LEADERSHIP SKILLS
Time was when the concept of leadership was
that a leader is always on top of persons,
exercising power over them. Today, however, a
democratic leader is an artist who is always on top
exercising power with rather than over people.
This art of working with and in groups of persons
and influencing them to cooperate toward a
certain goal which they come to find desirable is
indeed a difficult task. It calls for a broader
knowledge of human motivations and behavior as
well as practical methods and manner of
individual dealings.
Mr. Alvero Martinez, who has worked with and in
youth groups for about thirty years in the YMCA,
stressed certain practical methods in leadership
which found to be effective:
1. It is far better to talk with people face to face
when you want them to accept certain
responsibilities than to use a Cellphone or
telephone or write a memo/note. In personal
contact, a leader has an opportunity to interpret
the importance of the task and set in motion a
growing sense of understanding.
2. A true leader never gives orders much less
resorts to reprimands. He works with others and
by force of his examples, makes them work.
3. A reprimand creates ill feelings and leads to
disharmony. It is best to avoid it, whenever
possible.
4. A leader can do a good job with a group when
things are going well, but things will not always go
well. Because of individual differences, problems
will surely arise now and then. The leader should
realize this and face the fact, understand the
reasons behind the problems and with the group,
work out the best solution.
5. A true leader must command respect. He
cannot demand it. This will be dictatorial; and
people hate dictation and domination.
6. It is one of the greatest tasks of a leader to see
that everyone in his group develop a sense of
belonging. He will feel that it is his responsibility
to participate, for he has a stake in its outcome;
that he is involved in a decision which affects him.
DYNAMICS OF GOOD LEADERSHIP
A dynamic leader possesses the following
qualities:
— A sense of humor
— The ability to listen to people
— A genuine liking for people
— A real acceptance of the other fellow‘s point of
view
— A feeling of conviction and certainty in the
worthwhileness of the purpose of the group;
(note :other qualities can be added here )
He has a positive outlook; has poise, calmness,
security, and optimism. The leader has an
eagerness to learn and grow; not one with closed
mind but constantly striving to acquire more
knowledge and understanding of people. He is
friendly, warm, and a likeable person; relaxed,
broadminded and has a concern for people.
The best leaders have broad cultural background.
He can keep his troubles to himself rather than
bore or burden others with his unending personal
problems. In other words, he is able to control his
moods and feelings.
A dynamic leader has the ability to draw other
people into participating and taking responsibility.
This leader‘s effectively as a group leader could be
judged by the number of people he helps to learn
to participate and to take responsibility rather
than on the amount of direct work he does
himself.
A good leader has a real capacity to feel with
others and grow along with them. He has the
desire and ability to understand everyone‘s
potentials and weaknesses.
A group leader should basically be a helping
person. As such he is there to help and to enable
the group. He does things with the group rather
than for or to the group. He works through the
members of the group and occupies position of
liaison between the group and his organization.
The group leader‘s influence is indirect rather
than direct.
In a way, it seems more proper to refer and use
the term ―group worker‖ for his helping person
whom we commonly call the ―group leader.‖ His
specific activities as a well-directed worker would
include:
— Helping the group to determine its objectives,
goals, purposes;
— Helping the group to understand its own
capacities and limitations so that it will make
decisions in keeping with its level of development;
— Helping the group to recognize internal
problems which might present a block to the full
realization of its wishes;
— Helping to locate resources and means of
overcoming its problems;
— Helping the group to perfect its form or
organization and then helping chosen leaders to
understand and perform their duties;
— Helping the group to avail of needed resources
in the community;
— Assisting the group by providing instruction on
an area of subject matter, - e.g. ―how to be
dynamic leaders, etc.‖
— Helping the group understand other groups
which differ from it, then proceed to aid in
developing cooperative inter-group relationship;
and
— Helping individuals to gain acceptance and
establish responsible relations with members of
the group
For the group leader, the welfare of the group
must come before the welfare of the individual
member. In other words, he may have to decide
against the views or favor of one or a few group
members because such a decision will be
detrimental to the life of the entire group as a
whole.

Sometimes the group leader is faced with acute
problems of disorder situations which he calls
discipline problems. These special situations call
for understanding and skill on the part of the
leader. The important thing to remember is that
the problems belong to the group and can best be
accomplished through a relationship with the
leader which permits him to involve the group in
the given problem or activity.
Above all, the leader will want to remain
objective. The leader needs to be close enough to
the group to know how much he can expect of
them in the way of taking responsibility.
BEATITUDES OF A LEADER
 Blessed is the leader who has not sought the
high places, but who has been drafted into
service because of his ability and willingness
to serve.
 Blessed is the leader who knows where he is
going, and how to get there.
 Blessed is the leader who knows how to lead
without being dictatorial; true leaders are
humble.
 Blessed is the leader who knows no
discouragement, who presents no alibi.
 Blessed is the leader who seeks for the best
for those he serves.
 Blessed is the leader who leads for the good
of the most concerned, and not for the
personal gratification of his own ideas.
 Blessed is the leader who develops leaders
while leading.
 Blessed is the leader who marches with the
group, interprets correctly the signs on the
pathway that lead to success.
 Blessed is the leader who has his head in the
clouds, has his fact on the ground.
 Blessed is the leader who considers
leadership an opportunity for service.
TYPES OF GROUP LEADERSHIP
Although the development of group theory and
leadership intervention styles have been refined
and differentiated greatly over the past years, the
early and classical leadership studies conducted
by Kurt Lewin, Ronald Lippit, and Ralph White
(1939) and White and Lippit (1968) provide a
generic framework from which to evaluate group
leadership. Essentially, they were looking at the
dimension of group member participation in
decision making. They identified three types of
leadership for their studies: authoritarian,
democratic, and laissez- faire.
 The authoritarian leader: This type of
leadership is autocratic and places a great
deal emphasis on leader power and
authority. The leader frequently behaves in
an arbitrary and dictatorial manner. The
group is not consulted in decision making
and goals and plans are determined by the
leader.
 The democratic leader: This type of a leader
as the term reflects, is egalitarian in
orientation. Group climate and cohesiveness
are stressed and participation by all group
members in establishing goals and directions
is encouraged. The democratic leader
welcomes process input from the group and
serves as a knowledgeable resource person.
 The laissez-faire leader: the leader takes a
very passive role in the group. The group
itself becomes responsible for its own
direction and purpose. The leader serves as a
technical consultant who will offer process
interpretations and assistance if requested.
From their studies, some interesting differences
emerged particularly as related to group member
satisfaction, aggressiveness, and group-task
efficiency. Authoritarian and democratic groups
were noted as tending to stay with their tasks
about equally, but laissez-faire led groups were
much less conscientious. When the leaders
absented themselves from the groups,
authoritarian groups wandered from the task,
democratic groups continued at about the same
pace, and the laissez-faire groups tended to
increase their work.
As might be expected, authoritarian groups,
fostered more dependency upon the leader, were
more discontented and openly critical, and made,
more aggressive demands. Friendliness and
cooperation were characteristic of the democratic
leaders above the other two styles.
A close relationship exists between leadership
style and group efficiency and satisfaction.
Fiedler ,demonstrated that effective leaders tend
to maintain a slightly greater―psychological
distance‖ than do less effective leaders. This
seems to indicate that while a democratically
oriented group with shared responsibility is most
desired and effective, the leader should be
identifiable as opposed to being an ―equal‖
member of the group.
Each group leader must explore and define for self
what is the most effective and congruent style for
him/her. The process of determining a ―proper-
fit‖ in terms of leadership style is one that
requires experience and practice. The most
effective and satisfied leaders are those who find
a relatively comfortable style that blends their
own personality with a solid base of theory.
Kottler (2011) wrote about the group leader as a
―fully functioning mode.‖ His group leader is a
person who projects an image of a formidable
individual who is fully in charge of his/her
personal world. The leader exudes self-
confidence, expertise, worldly experience, and
serenity. Kottler defined ―personal mastery‖ as
the development of skills necessary for a happy
existence.
LESSON 2: DEVELOPING COMMITMENT SKILLS
A commitment is a binding pledge that obligates a
person to assume a position or carry out a course
of action. Making a commitment to what they do
—whether in their personal life or to their
professional life—is one of the most fundamental
principles of success.
Commitments are Serious Business
Commitments are powerful because they
influence how one‘s think, how one‘s sound, and
how one‘s act. Unlike a half-hearted hope or
‗best shot,‘ making a commitment means that a
person try harder, He/She looks for solutions
when faced with obstacles and never consider
quitting as an option, and doesn‘t look back. In
addition, a meaningful commitment gives a
person a script for how to handle things when
times get tough. And make no mistake, everyone
feels like quitting at one time or another.
Unfortunately most people quit when they feel
like quitting, which is why they seldom succeed at
anything.
Characteristics of success is the perseverance of
commitment.
Whether it‘s a relationship or marriage, job or
career venture, fitness or health, or a personal
improvement goal, the temptation to give up will
arise. The key is to anticipate it and make a
promise that the feeling of wanting to quit will not
overpower commitment.
To Whom and What a person could be
Committed to ?
One of the keys to fulfilling one‘s commitments is
to not over commit. The number of opportunities
and decisions we are faced with on a daily basis
increases all the time. This is why it is so
important to be selective about what and who
wecommit to. Given the limits of our time and
attention, it‘s simply not feasible to do everything
we would like. Therefore, we must decide what is
truly important to us and commit only to those
things. When we only commit to the people and
things that are truly important to us ,our
relationships will improve, we will be more
successful in achieving our goals, and we have
more time to enjoy our journey. Once we decide
to whom and what we are committed, it is
imperative that we follow through. When we
think of the importance of following through, we
are reminded of the motivational advice of Zig
Ziglar: “It was character that got us out of bed,
commitment that moved us into action, and
discipline that enabled us to follow through.”
There are times when we think that the
challenges of fulfilling our commitments are not
worth the hassle, or the effort required is more
than we are willing to expend. Remember,
however, just like anything worth pursuing,
commitments require discipline and often require
us to act outside of our comfort zone. So that we
should be willing to stand up to the challenges we
face by keeping things like our integrity and
reputation in mind.
How to value Commitment
Are we ready to go all out for commitment ? Are
weready to fully commit ourselves to achieving
our goals ? If so, here‘s how.
1. GET OUR MINDSET RIGHT
Success in any aspect of life starts with our
mindset. Faulty beliefs and assumptions are like
powerful headwinds halting our progress and
blowing us off course.
In order to truly ―go all out‖ and make
unprecedented progress, we must make the
decision at a core level to hold nothing back. We
must take a good look at our lives and decide that
nothing is going to stand in our way of success.
For example , “I made the decision that no one
was going to beat me to the finish line. I made a
commitment at a fundamental level that I was
going to do anything it took to achieve my goal”.
2. REFINE OUR GOALS
It‘s hard to commit ourselves to something if our
finish line is just a nebulous point off in the
distance. So before we do anything, get clear
about what our ultimate outcome looks like. Nail
down exactly what we want, how we are going to
get there and on what sort of timeline we plan to
reach our destination.
Example : Lucy wants to have the freedom to pay
her way through college or go to Mindanao next
summer and help build a school for 100 orphans
in Marawi.
The key is to sculpt a vision that is so amazing and
meaningful that we are willing to do anything to
achieve it.
3. FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT
While the right mindset will give us the motivation
we need to bring our best actions , if we focus on
unimportant activities we still aren‘t going to get
anywhere!
Going for it‖ doesn‘t mean quadrupling our work
load. Work for the sake of work is not the goal.
The goal is to live and work on our own terms.
This is especially significant if we already have a
busy life full of responsibilities. In order to achieve
freedom and escape the trap of selling our time
for money, we must be ruthlessly selective about
what we work on and what we ignore.
What should we work on? It all depends upon
what stage are we on right now.
4. HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE
Unfortunately, personal drive usually isn‘t
enough. It may be enough to get us started, but
after a week or two the ―new years‘ resolution
effect‖ begins to set in and our initial enthusiasm
slowly begins to fade. In order to stay committed,
we need a way of holding ourselves accountable.
Here are some suggested ways:
 Use the Weekly Daily Goals system to keep
track of our most important tasks. At the
beginning of each week, write down the top
goals for the next 7 days. Before we go to
bed each night, write down 2-3 key tasks
that, if accomplished, will leave us satisfied
with our day. Once you complete our goals
for the day, stop our guilt free attitude .
 Tell others what you are doing. At the very
least, tell your family about the goals you‘re
trying to reach. Even if their reactions are
less than supportive, getting your ambitions
out in the open will help you stay committed.
 Join a community. Surrounding yourself with
like-minded people who are rooting for (and
expecting) your success can be extremely
powerful. It can provide you with the
confidence and motivation you need to take
your business to a whole new level.
Ways to Develop Commitment in Life
1) Be a soldier: Imagine a soldier quitting his
training because the weather is hot or because he
is not in the mood. People who commit to their
tasks think more like soldiers. They get their tasks
done even if they are feeling bad, down or not in
the mood. Procrastinators on the other hand
search for the first excuse they can find in order to
quit
2) Be flexible: Water takes the shape of any
container its placed in and so should you. If the
gym was suddenly closed because of maintenance
then find another nearby gym and just don't skip
your training. You might think that this one time
won't affect your performance but in fact it
affects the way you perceive yourself. In other
words, when you find another way to get the task
done you will start to believe that you are
unstoppable and this will help you commit to your
tasks even more
3) Do the task on the same time everyday: When
you do your activities randomly you are very likely
to keep delaying them until the day ends. The
best way to prevent this problem from happening
is to assign fixed time zones each day for the tasks
you want to do. For example: Basketball at 2 pm
each day or reading a book 10 pm each day
4) Keep a progress bar: Whenever possible try to
find a way to measure your progress and record it.
When you do so your subconscious mind will get
motivated and will help you stick to your schedule
in order to beat your records
5) Do everything alone: One of the horrible
mistakes people do when they try to commit to a
task is that they depend on a friend to be with
them while doing it. The problem with always
waiting for someone to encourage you is that you
are very likely to quit if that person wasn't in the
mood or if he didn't know how to truly commit to
a task
6) Know that "not feeling like it" is so normal:
Many people don't do important tasks because
they don't feel like it but the life fact that most
people aren't aware of is that you won't feel like
doing your important tasks most of the time. After
all who wants to do anything but to relax in bed?
Procrastinators stop when they don't feel like it
while achievers keep going even when they don't
feel like it.
HOW TO INCREASE COMMITMENT TO ACHIEVE
GOALS
Everything that we are doing is connected in one
or other way with our goals. Something that we
want to reach. So, we will need to increase
commitment to our goals. Can we become more
productive without achievement of our goals? For
example, we want to reach something and that
something is to increase our own productivity.
The first thing that we will need to do is to make
this goal much clearer, it will need
to be the SMART goal :Specific ,
Measurable ,Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound
goal. In our case, let‘s say that we want to
increase your productivity by 20%. What is the
meaning of that?
Because productivity is work done in a specific
period of time, our goal will be to increase
productivity for 20%, or doing 20% more things in
the same period of time compared with our
previous work that was done in the same
timeframe. Now, when we know what our goal is,
or what we want to reach we will need specific
tasks or actions. If you want to improve our
productivity for 20% we will need to implement
those tasks into our everyday working routine.
Probably, we will start the action list with
something like this:
  Analyze the current workload.
  Analyze current work processes.
  Find all possible bottlenecks.
  Also, find solutions to eliminate
bottlenecks.
  Find possible improvements in usual the
processes that you use.
  Develop an implementation plan.
  Implement solutions from the plan.
But, the good plan doesn‘t mean that we will
achieve our goal to improve productivity by 20%.
If we don‘t complete that action list, not only that
we will not achieve our goal, but we won‘t know if
the actions that we plan will help in improving our
productivity. We willnot start doing things until
we really want to reach that goal. If we don‘t start
doing things, we can‘t talk about productivity. The
productivity is highly connected with doing things.
Because our goals must be achieved, they are not
a subject that we can set and forget. We need to
work or implement actions that will lead to that
achievement. The question is how we can
increase our own efficiency in achieving goals that
we set to be achieved? The only answer to this
question is a commitment to those goals.
Here are five steps that can help us in increasing
commitment to our goals.
1. Increase Commitment: Make our goals
achievable
We can‘t achieve unrealistic goals, and we can‘t
expect that we will commit to something that we
know that‘s hard to achieve. For example, if we
set the goal as our previous example to increase
productivity by 1000%, that will mean we want to
accomplish 10 times more work at the same time.
This goal will be an unrealistic goal. It‘s much
better to set 20% instead 1000% and in an
iterative way to try to increase our productivity
first to 20%, with the next goal for another 20%
and so on. The first step to increase our own
commitment is to know that we can easily achieve
our goals. When we know that it is possible, we
will put our focus to achieve them working
through each of our action steps.
2. Increase Commitment: Make our goals specific
Specific goals will tell us what we need to do if we
want to achieve them. Unspecific goals can be
very confusing and will decrease our commitment.
Increasing productivity is a confusing and
undetermined goal. If we don‘t know what we
need to achieve and when we need to achieve
probably we will not even try to achieve it.
3. Increase Commitment: Write goals on a piece
of paper
There are different scientific researchers that have
proven if you put something on paper, a
commitment to that something is much bigger. In
his book Influence – The Psychology of
Persuasion, Dr. Robert Cialdini gives an example
from the Korean War in which the Chinese
soldiers in the camps where they held prisoners
ask from prisoners to write statements that
communism is better than the US system. In such
a way, they will be committed to their own
statement in which, basically they did not believe
it. If we writeour goals on a paper, they will be in
a category with a more commitment than the
goals that remain only in our head.
4. Increase Commitment: Present Publicly our
Goals
If we talk with only one person about our own
goal, the commitment will be much bigger than if
we are the only person that knows about our goal.
We will want to be seen as a responsible person,
even in the eyes of that one person with which we
shareour goals. If you say thatwe will do
something, there is a higher probability that we
will really do that. Because of that, for our most
important goals, it is the best to be shared with
the public.
5. Increase Commitment: Do We Know What We
Need to Do?
If you know the activities that we must to
implement in advance, we will increase the level
of our own commitment. Therefore, once we have
the goal on paper, and we have already talked
with someone, list the activities. In such a way, we
will want to start as soon as possible. If you follow
these steps in setting and achieving our business
goals, our commitment will be much bigger, and
your productivity will be much better.
Ways To Develop Self-Discipline & Stay
Committed
Have you ever wondered how people become so
successful? Were they born with magical powers?
Do they know the secret of life? Something's got
to give. While life would be easier if all of that was
possible, in reality, these people are probably
successful because they have learned self-
discipline.
Self-disciple is about having the determination to
do what you know we need to do to improve
ourselves . Or in other words: we force ourselves
to run at 5 a.m. because we know it's the right
thing to do, even though you want to cry on the
inside. "Learn to hear and challenge your
thoughts‖. How can we discipline what we don't
know? Learning to first [step] and [hearing] what
we are telling ourselves allow us the opportunity
to then challenge whether those thoughts are
true or helpful. If not, we have the chance to
change them. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
is a wonderful way to do this," according to
clinical psychologist Christina Hibbert It's time to
say bon voyage to our less-disciplined.lives. We
are the captain of our own ship and as long as we
are determined to continue to move forward, we
will notice the positive change in our lives in no
time.
1. We Can Start With A Modest Goal
We don‘t have to feel pressured to be the most
disciplined person in the world on day one Start
by taking small steps instead. And once we finish
one goal, go on to the next one until we feel more
comfortable with the process.
2. Complete The Hardest Assignments First
Instead of avoiding the hardest assignments,we
can try to complete them first so the rest of our
day is easy breezy. If wehave many tasks to
accomplish in a day, start with the one we want to
avoid [the] most. This will make you gain
confidence quickly and help the rest of our day
roll down hill easy as pie. If the task is too big,
chunk it up. Breaking down big goals into
manageable parts help us stay focused and keep
us from being overwhelmed.
3. Learn How Schedule Our Work
While it's OK to get sidetracked every now and
then, we can try to create a system where we
have a list of everything that needs to be
accomplished so we don't lose track of what our
goals are
4. Get Rid Of Temptation
If we want to be more disciplined, we have to get
rid of our temptations. Even though snoozing on
the couch instead of running is tempting, or that
social media app is addicting, keep them out of
sight so we can focus on what's most important.
"Put away the phone and close the Tweeter , IG or
Facebook tabs and make a promise to keep
bringing your mind back to the task at hand‖ . We
don't have to finish it, just make it a priority.
5. Do What Comes Naturally
If we have a hard time being disciplined, start with
things that come naturally , to help ease ourselves
into the process. For example , "If we want to eat
more vegetables start with something we have
already been eating and eat more of it.
6. Don't Overthink It
If we give up every time we mess up, then we
won't get anywhere fast.― Be kind to yourself
and don't overthink it‖ . We can easeour way into
this new system and soon it may become a habit.
We really have nothing to lose. "Stop thinking!
Certain thingsthat are nonnegotiable, There's a
great quote about this: 'Suffer the pain of
discipline or suffer the pain of regret.'
7. Hold Ourselves Accountable
Even though we want to be kind to ourselves, we
also want to make sure that we hold ourselves
accountable. That means if you "accidentally"
watched three hours of Korean Novela, we should
try to make up for that time by working hard the
following few days. "It‘s great to establish goals
and create an action plan. However, if there is no
accountability built into that process, the effort is
likely to fail. The great thing about accountability
is that , we develop the method that works best
for us."
8. Write Downour Progress
One of the greatest ways to hold ourselves
accountable is by writing down our progress. This
process allows us to log all the steps we have
taken. And when we are having a rough day, we
can review our progress to see how far we have
come and how well we are currently doing.

9. Create Healthy Habits
We will most likely feel better about trying to be
more disciplined if we are taking care of ourselves
first. "When we make something a habit — a
regular part of our daily routine — it actually frees
up our brain. We no longer have to decide ―Am I
going to do this today or not?‖ We just do it, and
our brain is less stressed and freed up for other
more important decisions," according to Hibbert.
10. Remind Ourselves Of What's Actually True
Once we have proven what's true, it helps to
remind ourselves why we need to continue to do
it . For example, if we have learned that if we get
up and go for a walk when we are tired then we
have more energy. Plus, we will feel great because
we exercised, then we remind ourselves of this
fact. ―I'll feel so much better if I just get up and
move‖ is a powerful way to keep ourselves
disciplined," says Hibbert. The only way we know
something is true is if we continue to do it. Don't
hesitate to do something that will benefit
ourselves. Keep telling ourselves positive
affirmations to help us to stay disciplined and
focused.
11. Set S.M.A.R.T. Goals
"Set goals that are Specific, with details to help us
achieve success. Measurable.Attainable. Relevant
to who and where we are at the time, and Time-
bound. SMART goal-setting can help us change
the things that stand in our way," says Hibbert.
Because we are the only person who can alter our
future, we don't want to stand in the way of it by
making poor decisions. Use this system to set
smart goals and make ourselves more disciplined
for a stronger, better you‖ .(You deserve it.)
While it might take some time to be more
disciplined, it's totally worth it. All we have to do
iswrite down our progress, hold ourselves
accountable, and set smart goals.
LESSON 3: DEVELOPING COMPETENCE SKILLS
What is Competence and Why is it Important
Competence means that we have the ability to do
something well. We are capable of performing a
task or job effectively. Competence can include
the knowledge and skills needed to solve a
quadratic equation. Or, it can comprise the much
larger and more diverse clusters of skills, or
competencies, needed to lead a multinational
corporation. The concept of competence is
creeping into our lives, pervading our thinking
about developing people of all ages – from new
babes to weathered professionals. We find it in
modern human resources departments in our
workplace, and in innovating schools
experimenting with competence-based education.
Ways to Increase Competency
When we quit learning, in some ways, we start
dying. No matter what degree we have earned, or
what initials come after our nameplate, we must
keep increasing competency on a daily basis.
The first step to increasing our personal and
professional competence is to understand that we
have not arrived. If we believe we have no room
to grow, we won‘t grow. Once we see there are
areas for improvement in our lives , growing our
competence in those areas is really quite simple.
Here are ideas for growing our competence.
1. Consider every circumstance an opportunity
Napolean Hill, foremost success authority, said, :
Every adversity brings with it the seed of an
equivalent advantage.‖ If we are willing to see
every conflict, every delay, and every frustration
in this light — our whole lives become a learning
opportunity.
2. Join a mastermind group
The power of a group is hard to argue. For years
we have seen powerful leaders and thinkers
emerge, not as individuals, but as groups.
―Surround yourself with people who are more
successful, more competent, and more qualified
than you — you‘re guaranteed to grow your
competence‖.
3. Find a mentor
Nearly every leader can point to a mentor who
has played a key role in their success. If we don‘t
have a mentor, and we would like one, generally
it‘s just as easy as asking the question.
4. Use time wisely
So much time in our day is wasted doing mindless
things: TV or YouTube videos, sitting in traffic,
waiting for a meeting to start. ―Set yourself up to
take advantage of those moments by listening to
podcasts in the car, loading books onto your
computer or phone for those down moments, and
not allowing yourself to mindlessly watch garbage
on TV‖.
5. Take advantage of technology
―I heard of someone recently who listens to
books on tape at two-times speed so he can finish
them faster‖. Technology is constantly improving.
Take advantage of the opportunities it provides to
learn.
6. Read
Mark Twain famously says, ―The man who
doesn‘t read good books has no advantage over
the
man who can‘t read them.‖ Become a consumer
of good books. Read books that challenge you.
Social Competence :Ways To Improve Social
Skills
If we feel like we are the awkward person at social
events or you struggle to enter into conversations
because we are shy, it can impact our social life
and our career.
However, we can start improving our social skills
by following these 12 strategies and soon, we
will be able to enter into conversations with
confidence.
1. Behave Like a Social Person
We can behave like a more social creature, even if
we don‘t feel like it.
Don‘t allow anxiety to hold us back. Make the
decision to talk to new people and to enter into
conversations even when we are feeling nervous
about it. Over time, it will get easier and we will
quickly start improving our social skills.
2. Start Small if Necessary
If going to a party or spending time in a crowd
seems overwhelming, start small. Go into the
grocery store and say, ―Thank you,‖ to the clerk
or go to a restaurant and order your food. Practice
making small talk gradually.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions
―If you want the attention off you in a
conversation, get familiar with open-ended
questions.Encourage others to talk so we won‘t
have to make the idle chit-chat. Ask questions
that require more than a yes or no answer and
you may open the door to invite the other person
to keep the conversation going.
4. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves
Most people really enjoy talking about
themselves. Ask a question about a person‘s
career, hobbies, or family. Show you‘re interested
in hearing what is being said. If you want to keep
the conversation going, you should make it like
playing ping pong.
5. Create Goals For Yourself
Establish some small goals . Perhaps we want to
practice one particular skill or maybe we want to
start attending a social activity in our community.
Establish a goal and begin to work on strategies
that will improve our social life. Learn to use
SMART goal to help us to communicate better.
6. Offer Compliments Generously
Compliments can be a great way to open the door
to a conversation. Offer a co-worker a
compliment on a presentation he gave at a
meeting or compliment your neighbor on his new
car. Compliments can show others that we are
friendly and there‘re more reasons why we should
pay a compliment to someone every day.
7. Read Books About Social Skills
There are many books on the market that can
help us learn specific social skills and ways to start
conversations. However, keep in mind that
reading about these skills won‘t make us an
expert. You‘ll need to practice them over and over
again.
How to Win Friends and Influence More People
1. Practice Good Manners
Good manners go a long way in improving social
skills. Practice being polite, showing gratitude, and
using good table manners.
2. Pay Attention to Your Body Language
Non-verbal communication is very important. Pay
attention to the type of body language we use. Try
to appear relaxed, make appropriate amounts of
eye contact, and appear open to conversation.
3. Join a Social Skills Support Group
Many communities offer social skill support
groups. Support groups help people who feel shy,
awkward, or extremely anxious in social situations
learn and practice new skills. We can start
improving social skills and may be able to make
new friends who understand our difficulties.
4. . Stay Up to Date on Current Events
Read up on current trends and news stories so we
have something to talk about with people.Try to
avoid anything that is too controversial, such as
politics, but do talk about other news stories that
may be of interest.It can be a great way to start a
conversation and can help you stick to neutral
subjects.
5. Identify and Replace Negative Thoughts
Negative thoughts about your social interactions,
could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For
example, a person who thinks, ―I‘m really
awkward and I will embarrass myself,‖ may sit in
the corner at a party. As a result, he may leave the
party thinking that he must be really awkward
because no one talked to him. Identify negative
thoughts that are likely dragging you down.
Replace them with more realistic thoughts such
as, ―I can make conversation and I can meet new
people.‖ We should not dwell on thoughts that
are not productive.Good social skills are essential
for effective communication. If we find socializing
with others a challenge, start to take on the
suggestions and practice each of them
consistently.
Great social skills don‘t come easily, we need to
practice ourselves and really try these tips by
talking with others.
UNIT V
BUILDING A GOOD FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Family Structures and Legacies
The article on educational implications of new
information about the Filipino family by Acuna,
2008, states that the family is still the most
influential force in the lives of students and
students still model after the family members; the
mother more than the father. Contemporary
social scientists today developed a new and less
rigid concept of family such as that family
members need not be bound by legal marriage, by
blood, or by adoption. Family members are those
who live together in one household on a semi-
permanent basis.
Alternative structures include the single or solo-
parent family which may fall under any of the
following five types:
1. A widow/ed parent and child/children. Very
often, this solo-parent is a widow rather than a
widower. Widowers tend to remarry more than
widows do.
2. A separated parent and child/children. There
are various reasons for separation: divorce
obtained abroad, annulment, legal separation,
abandonment, or by mutual decision to separate
informally without going thru the courts.
Separation may also be due to temporary absence
of one spouse such as overseas employment.
3. A single man or woman and adopted
child/children. The value of children is recognized
and accepted in Philippine society, thus adoption
is not uncommon even among unmarried
individuals.
4. An unwed woman and her illegitimate or
natural child/children. The unwed mother usually
goes through pregnancy and delivery of the
illegitimate child, not only because abortion is a
criminal act under Philippine laws and immoral in
a predominantly Catholic nation, but also because
of the value of children in Philippine society.
5. A mistress and her child/children. This solo-
parent family is the second family of a married
man as a result of extramarital relations. Aside
from the solo-parent family, another family type is
the blended or step family which is the result of a
second marriage or partnership of a widowed or
separated person. This includes step parent(s) and
step sibling(s). Very little is known about this type
of family probably because many protective
grandparents tend to take over the care of
grandchildren whose parents have remarried in
order to avoid conflict with the step parent and
step siblings. There are, however, many blended
families where members live in harmony and have
no problem in their relationships.
Another type of family is that formed by
homosexuals. In the Philippines, there is no
marriage possible for these homosexuals who are
living together, but they can be married in
another country that allows same sex marriage.
Otherwise, there is no way to establish how stable
their relationship is, and when they can be
considered a family. Almost nothing is known
about this type of family. One more type of family
is composed of siblings only either because their
parents have died, or are estranged; thus, there is
no more contact with them. An added type of
family is that which is formed by couples who are
in a live-in relationship. Thus, cohabiting couples
and their children may be considered families too.
In other words, the single or solo parent family is
increasing, the blended family or step family is
emerging, and other types of families are also
emerging like the homosexual couples or siblings
only or no parent family.
The dramatic changes that have occurred in
contemporary family life are particularly
significant for adolescents. The decreased amount
of time that many parents, extended family
members, and neighbors are able to spend with
adolescents leads to decreased communication,
support, and supervision from adults at a crucial
period in development. At an age when
adolescents are most likely to experiment with
behaviors that can have serious health
consequences, they may have less parental
involvement and more unsupervised time and
activities.
Parents should maintain a continuing interest in
their adolescent‘s daily activities and concerns.
Adolescents are more likely to become healthy,
fulfilled adults if their families remain actively
involved, providing loving parenting, needed
limits, and respect for the process of developing
maturity. As the nature of family relationships
changes, families adapt to the adolescent‘s need
for confidentiality as they learn to negotiate a
healthy balance between providing parental
supervision and giving the adolescent some
―space.‖ Although adolescence is characterized
by growing independence and separation from
parental authority, the adolescent still needs the
family‘s love, support, and availability.
During adolescence, parent–adolescent conflict
tends to increase. This conflict appears to be a
necessary part of gaining independence from
parents while learning new ways of staying
connected to them (Steinberg, 2001). If parents
can be reassured that the awkwardness their teen
is displaying is not rejection and can be
encouraged to stay involved, a new way of
relating may eventually evolve that is satisfying
for all.
Middle adolescence can present both challenges
and rewards for families, as teens frequently test
rules and question authority. Teens can be
opinionated, and this can result in family conflict,
especially over issues such as dress, music,
curfews, and behavior. Activities such as driving
and dating may require negotiating family rules.
Yet the family is still home base in the changing
world of middle adolescence, and core family
values continue to exert a significant and
stabilizing influence. With their increasingly
sophisticated cognitive, moral, and social
capabilities, adolescents are forming attitudes and
values that will have a lasting impact on the
quality of their lives, as well as those of their
family and the larger community. Sharing the
family‘s love, affection, and support with the
adolescent is critical during this stage of
development.
Having reached ―the age of majority,‖ older
adolescents are now legally responsible for
themselves. Key developmental tasks include
focusing on achieving independence, creating an
adult sense of self, and developing a capacity for
mature emotional intimacy, while maintaining
emotional ties to their family.
As older adolescents become more comfortable
with themselves and their emotional
independence, their relationships with family
members become more accepting and
harmonious. Families continue to have a major
impact in helping older adolescents become
healthy young adults by providing a stable and
supportive home environment and by maintaining
a trusting and open relationship in which the
young person feels cared for and comfortable in
sharing new challenges and concerns. Parents can
exert significant influence on the well-being of
older adolescents by consistently modeling
preventive and health-promoting practices such
as driving safely, avoiding or moderating the use
of alcohol, and scheduling regular health visits.
LESSON 1: FAMILY RITUALS AND TRADITIONS
 Hiya is shame and is a motivating factor
behind behavior. It is a sense of being
socially appropriate and conforming to
societal norms of behavior. Filipinos believe
they must live up to the accepted standards
of behavior and if they fail to do so they
bring shame not only upon themselves, but
also upon their family.
 Bahala na is a kind of fatalistic resignation
(come what may) which represents a
withdrawal from engagement or crisis or
shirking of personal responsibility.
 “Utangnaloob” – reciprocity or debt of
gratitude or honor is of primary importance
in the Filipino value system.
 Pakikisama” is the Filipino value of
belongingness and loyalty to one‘s in-group.
To belong to a group demands a spirit of
cooperation, an attitude of give and take,
and sensitivity to the feelings of others.
 “Respetosanakatatanda” or respect for
seniors is a highly esteemed value of the
Filipinos. For example, Filipinos show respect
 to the elders in conversations by using words
such as ―ho‖ ―po‖ and ―opo‖ at the end
of a greeting.
 Hospitality to a guest or neighbor is also a
famous value of the Filipinos. For Filipinos,
serving other people the best of what they
have, leaves them an honor and a promise of
true friendship.
The Importance of Family Meals
The study on the association of the frequency of
family meals to family members, suicide ideation
and depression of Filipino young adults by
Francisco &Cuason, 2017 revealed that family
mealtimes matter. This is very significant because
an activity that is usually ignored poses an
important role in the mental health of Filipino
young adults. According to Bowen‘s family
systems theory, emotional distance is one factor
that creates problems within a family and the
individual belonging in that family. Emotional
distance that can easily be overcome if only a
family sits down and eats together.
Young adults or the Millennials have a significant
position in society but sadly because of public
stigma about mental health those suffering from
or are experiencing suicide ideation or even just
mild depression only find hopelessness and
sometimes, the solutions they find for themselves
are usually devastating and unfortunate both for
the individual himself and his loved ones.
LESSON 2: FAMILY LEGACY
The definition of legacy is something that is
passed on you from family, including reputation.
An example of legacy is family property that has
been handed down for generations.
Building a Family Legacy: 7 Questions to Ask
When Building a Family Legacy
Building a family legacy isn‘t just about money
and legal documents. A lasting legacy lives on
through many generations. Making your legacy
come alive starts with defining it in a tangible way
—answering questions such as:
  Who you are—your beliefs, values,
traditions and experiences
  What you give back—your charitable
community and mentoring activities
  What you have—your material assets
(money and possessions)
 life that you feel should also inherit some of those
Building a family legacy starts by answering the
question, ―what does legacy mean to you?‖
This is perhaps the most important question to
ask, because in order to start building your family
legacy, you must first define the concept yourself
and decide what it means for you and your loved
ones.
When most of us think of legacy, we think of
closely-related terms like storytelling, family
values and wealth management. When defining
the legacy concept, it‘s important to think about
all of these other closely-related concepts as well,
and define what they mean to you.
Once you have a tangible definition of the legacy
concept for you and your family members, you
can then communicate the actions you‘ll take to
help shape that concept going forward, so that
you leave a lasting family legacy for many
generations to come. We thought it might be
helpful to provide you with a list of questions to
ask when defining the legacy concept for you and
your loved ones.
This list is by no means exhaustive, but should
give you a good start to helping you define and
build your family legacy.
1. What is your family mission and vision?
Consider writing a family mission statement,
complete with your family values and beliefs, and
think about how you can ensure that those values
are effectively passed down to future generations.
2. What are your goals for your family going into
the future, even after you‘ve passed on?
Knowing your goals will help ensure that you take
proper measures to accomplish them. Once
you‘re gone, as long as your family members are
aware of the goals you‘ve set, they can continue
to implement the necessary action steps to ensure
a lasting legacy.
3. What are the stories that help to connect and
shape your legacy in a meaningful way for future
generations?
You can start gathering your stories through
conversations with parents, grandparents and
other relatives. Once you compile the
information, either through audio, video or
written word, you can then add photos, videos
and other media to make it meaningful for future
generations. All stories and their media may be
securely and privately stored inside your Family
archive.
4. What is wealth? Is it simply defined by your
material possessions, or does it encompass your
family values, beliefs, traditions and health?
5. Encourage the elders in your family to share
their experiences and the lessons they‘ve
learned.
What important lessons have you learned in your
lifetime? How can you best impart that wisdom to
your children and grandchildren?
6.( Encourage your parents and elders
participation in answering ) What material assets
do you want to leave for your children and
grandchildren when you‘re gone? Are there any
charitable institutions that have impacted your
assets? It helps to have a last will and testament
that a designated family member or members can
easily access.
7. What is your healthcare history? Your medical
records will have a profound impact on the health
of future generations in your family. Knowing
what conditions could possibly be passed down
genetically to your children and grandchildren is
important to ensuring they take preventative
measures to live a long and healthy life.