Evaluation Checklist (for every paragraph)

Paragraph 1

A massive development of supermarkets in Indonesia is happening lately. Many Investors have been attracted to build and expand their business in Indonesia
because of the nation population number and citizen’s lifestyle. Indonesian citizen have known for their consumtive and modern lifestyle which prefer to shop
groceries in modern market.

Criteria Details Notes

Main idea(s) First sentence

Supporting ideas Fine enough to support the main idea

Paragraph Structure Closing Statement Nothing. It’s still not the end of the essay

Cohesion and coherence (the use Can’t be found

of conjunctions)

Tenses error(s)
a. A massive development of supermarkets in Indonesia is
Grammar and Accuracy
happening lately.
Correction : in this sentence it should have used the present
perfect because it can more explain about the condition of the
process of development of supermarkets in Indonesia that
already happened since then until now. Also, the use of A in the
early sentence is not needed. Also the word supermarkets is in
plural so the verb must be plural too.

Massive development of supermarkets in Indonesia have been happening lately.

b. Indonesian citizen have known for their consumptive and modern

lifestyle.
Correction: the word Indonesia citizen is in singular form it should be in
plural and using have been recognized

Indonesian citizens have been recognized for their consumptive and modern lifestyle
illogical sentence(s) a. Indonesian citizens have been recognized for their consumptive and modern
lifestyle which prefer to shop groceries in modern market.

Correction : The use of relative pronoun which is not correct it should be who
because who is used to replace person refers to the Indonesia citizens.

Indonesian citizens have been recognized for their consumptive and modern lifestyle

who prefer to shop groceries in modern market.

Subject-Verb agreement error(s) Can’t be found

Other error(s) a. Many Investors have been attracted to build and expand their business in
Indonesia
Correction : the use of word expand can be too strong to use in this contex. It
should be broaden

Many Investors have been attracted to build and broaden their business in Indonesia

b. because of the nation population number and citizen’s lifestyle.

Correction : the word nation should be nation’s

because of the nation’s population number and citizen’s lifestyle.

c. which prefer to shop groceries in modern market.

Correction : the word for needs to be added between shop and groceries. Also
the article the need to be put before modern market

which prefer to shop for groceries in the modern market.

My final correction for the paragraph 1 is the following :

Massive development of supermarkets in Indonesia have been happening lately. Many Investors have been attracted to build and broaden their business in
Indonesia because of the nation’s population number and citizen’s lifestyle. Indonesian citizen has been recognizec for their consumptive and modern lifestyle
which prefer to shop for groceries in the modern market.

Paragraph 2

The image for a local market in Indonesia usually remembered for it’s old buildings, not well organized shop unit, hot and dirty. Meanwhile, the supermarkets
offer customers a new experience of groceries shopping with nice buildings include an air conditioner, well organized unit section, and nice parking facilities.
However, this rapid expansion of supermarkets franchise give some effects for the local market. According to local communities, their income have been
decreased because of customers prefer to shop in supermarket.

Criteria Details Notes

Main idea(s) First sentence

Supporting ideas Fine enough to support the main idea

Paragraph Structure Closing Statement Nothing. It’s still not the end of the essay

Cohesion and coherence (the use Can’t be found

of conjunctions)

Tenses error(s) Can’t be found

Grammar and Accuracy illogical sentence(s) a. The image for a local market in Indonesia usually remembered for it’s old
buildings, not well organized shop unit, hot and dirty.

Correction: there should be is before the word usually and the word it’s should
be its.

The image for a local market in Indonesia is usually remembered for its old buildings,
not well organized shop unit, hot and dirty.
 Subject-Verb agreement error(s) According to local communities, their income have been decreased because of
customers prefer to shop in supermarket.

Correction: their income has decreased because of customers prefer to shop in

supermarket.

Other error(s) a. The image for a local market in Indonesia usually remembered for its old
buildings, not well organized shop unit, hot and dirty.
Correction : the word well organized shoukd be well-organized and the use of
plural word in nouns used is needed.

The image of a local market in Indonesia is usually remembered for its old
buildings, not well-organized shop units, hot, and dirty.

b. Meanwhile, the supermarkets offer customers a new experience of groceries

shopping with nice buildings include an air conditioner, well organized unit
section, and nice parking facilities.
Correction : omit article ‘the’, change ‘of’ to be ‘with’ and use the word
including instead. It shoukd be well-organized and all the nouns should be in
plural air conditioners, unit sections.

Meanwhile, supermarkets offer customers a new experience with grocery

shopping with nice buildings including air conditioners, well-organized unit
sections, and nice parking facilities.

My final correction for the paragraph 2 is the following :

The image of a local market in Indonesia is usually remembered for its old buildings, not well-organized shop units, hot, and dirty. Meanwhile, supermarkets offer
customers a new experience with grocery shopping with nice buildings including air conditioners, well-organized unit sections, and nice parking facilities. However,
this rapid expansion of supermarkets franchise give some effects on the local markets. According to local communities, their income has decreased because of
customers prefer to shop in a supermarket.
Paragraph 3

I believe Indonesian citizens came to supermarket for the first time because they want to experiencing a comfort groceries shopping. But, it won’t be long. Local
market is easier to reach and cheaper than supermarket’s price. For instance, in Banyuwangi, East Java, the government support their local communities with
fund, build a clean modern local markets, and made some regulations to restrict minimarket and supermarket franchise in Banyuwangi. Local market in
Banyuwangi nowadays have great facility that makes customer comfort and feel safe to shop.

Criteria Details Notes

Main idea(s) First sentence

Supporting ideas Fine enough to support the main idea

Paragraph Structure Closing Statement There is but it doesn’t really conclude the whole text about.

Cohesion and coherence (the use There are some mistakes

of conjunctions)

Tenses error(s) a. They want to experiencing a comfort groceries shopping

Correction : it should be experience and also it should be using the
Grammar and Accuracy
comfort of grocery

They want to experience the comfort of grocery shopping

illogical sentence(s) a. I believe Indonesian citizens came to supermarket for the first time
Correction : there should be a relative pronouns ‘who’ between the words
citizens and came

I believe Indonesian citizens who came to supermarket for the first time

Subject-Verb agreement error(s)
a. For instance, in Banyuwangi, East Java, the government support their local
communities with fund, build a clean modern local markets, and made some
regulations to restrict minimarket and supermarket franchise in Banyuwangi.
Correction : it should be the governments and the verb must be in plural too
support. The word fund to be funds and build to be ‘to build’ and the other
 nous are used in plural so does the supermarket franchise should be
supermarket franchises.

For instance, in Banyuwangi, East Java, the governments support their local
communities with funds, to build clean modern local markets, and made some
regulations to restrict minimarkets and supermarket franchises in Banyuwangi.

b. Local market in Banyuwangi nowadays have great facility that makes customer
comfort and feel safe to shop.
Correction : adding the article ‘the’ before local market and make the word
market in plural to be markets. The facility becomes facilities and the verb
makes should be in plural too to be make. Moving the word feel before the
word comfort and safe. Change comfort into comfortable.

The local markets in Banyuwangi nowadays have great facilities that make
customers feel comfortable and safe to shop.

Other error(s) a. But, it won’t be long. Local market is easier to reach and cheaper than
supermarket’s price.
Correction: it’s supposed to be however not but.

However, it won’t be long.

My final correction for the paragraph 3 is the following :

I believe Indonesian citizens came to the supermarket for the first time because they want to experience the comfort of grocery shopping. However, it won't be
long. The local market is easier to reach and cheaper than the supermarket's price. For instance, in Banyuwangi, East Java, the governments support their local
communities with funds, to build clean modern local markets, and made some regulations to restrict minimarkets and supermarket franchises in Banyuwangi. The
local markets in Banyuwangi nowadays have great facilities that make customers feel comfortable and safe to shop.