IF YOU AND YOUR PARTNER FEEL

THESE 5 THINGS, THEN IT'S PROBS

TRUE LOVE
True love is all about stability.
by COSMO LUCE and MEGUIRE HENNES
UPDATED: JULY 8, 2022
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: OCT. 1, 2017
SRDJANPAV/E+/GETTY IMAGES
The jury's still out on whether true love is something that happens on a dime. Personally, I don’t
believe in love at first sight. I also don't agree with the old adage that true love takes work, but I
do believe that it requires construction. Your relationship starts out with a strong foundation of
attraction, respect, and an emotional and intellectual spark. As you go along, you add walls,
floors, windows, and paint. When I ask myself, “What is true love?” or, “What does true love
feel like?,” there’s only one image that encapsulates it for me. True love feels like a house that
will contain both of you, a base where all of your material and physical needs can be met.

But in a more literal sense, according to experts, true love feels like all the best parts of any great
relationship all wrapped up into one. “Being truly in love with someone often feels like having a
genuine friendship with the added bonus of ongoing attraction and sexual intimacy,” Dr. Carla
Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author of the book Date Smart, previously told Bustle.

True love is often mistaken as that jolt in your stomach, that flutter in your gut that signals first
attraction. While butterflies are titillating and fun, that anxious feeling associated with a new
crush or when you are first falling for someone may or may not really be true love. Oftentimes,
it’s more of an infatuation — which can lead to true love, if you are both willing to build
something together. If your relationship doesn't get past the point of infatuation, your feelings are
real, but they might not be the same as true love.

In any new relationship, pay attention to the following signs to determine whether or not you’ve
found your true love.

True Love Feels Safe

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True love cannot exist without safety. A relationship that puts you in a precarious place —
whether that is emotionally or physically — cannot be true love, because true love requires your
needs to be met. In order to achieve that, true love starts with a union with yourself. In this
union, you are able to recognize what you need to feel secure, how to ask for it, and to recognize
when it isn't being received.

As Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, licensed clinical psychotherapist and founder of LoveVictory.com,

previously told Elite Daily, true love should provide a feeling of peace and stability. “Healthy,
lasting love finds its own ‘cruising gear’ where you feel fulfilled, happy, positive, and sure of
your choice of partner,” she said.

What does real love feel like? In a truly loving relationship, you and your partner will respect
each other's boundaries because you understand that is what you both need in order to feel safe.
You won't ask each other to compromise those boundaries, because you know that would mean
asking someone to compromise their safety or health for you. Love should feel authentic. True
love feels like knowing you are protected within the shared space of your relationship,
emotionally, physically, and mentally.

True Love Feels Like A Connection

Just as there is a fundamental difference between loving someone and being in love with
someone, there is an important distinction between love and attachment. However, navigating
the (sometimes subtle) differences between love and attachment can be tricky. In many ways, a
strong attachment or dependency can feel a lot like love. But in general with attachments, there’s
a weaker emotional connection. What is love supposed to feel like? In some cases, that’s an
unanswerable question, however, you should feel that your codependency is healthy and reliable.

“Being in love means there is a connection while being attached implies dependency,” Nebraska-
based AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator Kristen
Lilla previously told Elite Daily. When you have a connection based on love, you shouldn’t have
any feelings of obligation. “I think it is important to ask yourself the question, ‘Do I have to be
with this person, or do I get to be with this person?’” Lilla added. “If you feel like you have to be
in a relationship, perhaps it is out of an attachment issue, but if you feel like you get to be with
someone, and it is a privilege, you may be in love.”

True Love Feels Like Acceptance

True love feels like knowing that your partner will make space to sit and listen and hear you.
You don't ever feel like you have to wave to get your partner's attention. If you have something
that you need to work out together, they are able to sit with you, hear you out, and work
constructively on the information you provide. They enjoy seeing you as much as you enjoy
seeing them. True love feels like looking at the other, and knowing that they are really looking
back at you, not a projection of the person they think you should be. This also means that you
and your partner will prioritize each other’s happiness even when things get messy.

When big life moments pop up — for example, when your partner is offered their dream job, but
the job requires them to relocate across the country — if it’s true love, their first move would be
to sit down and talk it through with you. "'The one' makes you feel loved and secure,” Lesli
Doares, couples consultant and marriage coach at Foundations Coaching, previously told Elite
Daily. “You are able to be yourself and feel accepted. They make you want to be your best self,
and they bring that out in you.”

What does love feel like when life pushes against your partnership? Working hard to
acknowledge your partner and their place in your relationship is necessary, especially when other
aspects of your life are impacting the way you two love each other. Recognition sometimes
wavers within the confines of a relationship. Work, school, and your social life can sometimes
get in the way of being able to truly see each other. Even when your gaze might be cluttered with
outside distractions, you are able to return to each other and see each other again. True love feels
like being able to rise toward each other, again and again, even if you need to momentarily fall
back to tend to all the other things that life demands of you.