Here’s How to Tell If You

Love Someone — and

What to Do
 Short answer

 Signs to watch for

 Platonic love

 Romantic love

 Which is better

 Assess your feelings

 What to do next

 Takeaway
Ask anyone if love is complicated, and there’s a good chance they’ll probably
say, “yes,” or “sometimes” at the very least.

Part of love’s complications stem from the fact that it can be challenging when
the person you love doesn’t feel the same way — or when they do, but your
relationship fails to take off.

Love can also complicate life because it takes different forms, and you might
not immediately recognize which type of love you’re feeling.
Deciphering your feelings and trying to identify exactly which type of love you
feel — while tight in its grip — might not be the easiest task, but we’re here to
help.

Keep reading to learn more about how to tell these related, but still uniquely
different, experiences apart.

How we love
Love doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes, it progresses through specific stages.

The first flicker of love, when you fall head over heels for someone, often
seems more like infatuation, complete with plenty of excitement and
nervousness.

And if it’s mutual? The euphoric bliss many people experience can keep you
and your partner completely wrapped up in each other. Over time, that just-
fell-in-love feeling often transforms into something less charged, but more
stable and lasting.

Higher-than-usual levels of hormones, like dopamine and

norepinephrineTrusted Source, drive the intensity of these early feelings.
Eventually, these surging feelings often settle into a deeper affection with the
help of oxytocin, a hormone that plays a role in attachment.

But feelings of love don’t always follow a linear path.

What does being in love mean?

Maybe you fall for someone you just met, but you eventually realize the first
blush of love has tinted your view. Once the first intensity fades, your feelings
begin to wither without taking root.

You can also develop romantic love without experiencing euphoric, heart-
pounding excitement. Someone who falls for their best friend, for example,
might notice their long-standing platonic love become more romantic and
sexually charged almost overnight.

And, of course, the love you feel for friends, or platonic love, can still run
pretty deep — even though it doesn’t involve any romantic or sexual
attraction.

How do you know when you’re in

love?
People often talk about love as if everyone experiences it in the same way,
but life experiences and relationship history can alter the course of “typical”
romantic attraction.

If you’ve experienced relationship abuse or betrayal, you might feel cautious

about letting your guard down again. This could temper the feelings of
euphoria and impulsivity that often accompany the first stages of love.

In short, while there’s no single way to fall in love, you’ll probably notice a few
key physical and emotional signs:

Your thoughts return to them regularly

Maybe you frequently think back to your last interaction or plan your next
meeting. You want to tell them about your experiences every day: the great,
the awful, and the ordinary.

If they’re having a hard time, you may worry about their difficulties and
brainstorm ways to help.

When spending time with family and friends, you might talk about them a lot
and imagine how much your loved ones will like them, too.

You feel safe with them

Trust is generally a key component of love. If you’ve experienced relationship

trauma or heartbreak before, you might assign particular importance to this
sense of emotional safety.

When you see them, you might notice your tension relaxes, in much the same
way as it does when you return home after a long day.

It’s normal to want to protect yourself from pain. Feeling safe enough with
someone to trust them with your personal weaknesses or vulnerabilities often
suggests developing love.

Life feels more exciting

The rush of hormones associated with love can make everything seem more
exciting, particularly when you know you’ll see them soon. Time might seem
to fly by when you’re together and crawl like a turtle after they leave.

You might even notice renewed energy and interest in the mundane things
you do every day. Folding laundry? Taking a walk? So much more fun when
you’re in love (especially when they’re nearby).
You want to spend a lot of time together

Loving someone often means wanting to spend plenty of time with them, so
you might find yourself craving their company more than ever before.

You might leave their company feeling somewhat unsatisfied, as if the time
you spent together wasn’t enough.

You may not care much about what you do together, simply that
you are together.

Another key sign? Your interest in spending time with them doesn’t depend on
their mood or energy level. Even when they feel sad, cranky, or frustrated with
life, you still want to show up and offer support.

You feel a little jealous of other people in their life

Jealousy is an emotion like any other. Generally speaking, it’s what you do
with jealousy that matters. Talking about your feelings never hurts, but you
might want to skip the digital snooping and social media stakeouts.

When you love someone, you might fixate on the other people they spend
time with and wonder about their relationship with each other, or worry about
potential threats to your love, such as an attractive co-worker they mention
regularly or an old flame who’s still part of their life.

Generally speaking, these worries tend to fade as trust develops.

You feel compassion for them

When you’re in love with someone, you’ll start to develop strong compassion
for them. The powerful urge to be connected to this person brings new
aspects to your relationship, such as emotional or physical intimacy, passion,
and a desire to know everything about them, and be known by them in return.

You may also find yourself wanting to take care of or be cared for by your
partner.

How can you recognize platonic

love?
Platonic love involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction. It’s
absolutely possible for people of any gender to maintain a friendship
without sexual tension or attraction.

When you love someone platonically, you might notice some basic signs of
love.

You might also:

 have similar interests, values, and goals

 discuss emotions and relationships you have with others
 support each other through difficulties
 enjoy spending time together

Embracing platonic love successfully requires you to set any romantic feelings
aside. Loving platonically doesn’t mean simply waiting and hoping the person
will fall in love with you someday.

Good friendship behaviors can help you maintain platonic love. For example:
  Communicate. Everyone has different communication needs, but you
can maintain your closeness by calling or texting. When you do talk, try
to spend at least as much time listening as you do sharing your own
thoughts.
 Set boundaries. Some platonic friends may be perfectly fine spending
the night at your place, hanging out at all hours, or discussing the
sexual details of your other relationships. Others may reserve these
activities for romantic partners. Talking through boundaries can help you
avoid any miscommunication.
 Spend time together. Stay connected, even when you can’t physically
see each other, by planning online chats, video game sessions, or
virtual movie nights.
 Offer emotional support. Love and friendship can make it easier to
weather life’s challenges. Show your love by checking in with a friend or
asking, “What can I do to help?”

How can you recognize romantic

love?
Loving someone romantically usually involves a desire for a many-faceted
connection.

You value their personality and want their friendship. You might lust after
them a little (though you can experience romantic love without ever desiring a
physical relationship).

Maybe you find their looks appealing, but you mostly want to spend a lot of
time with them because you value them as a whole person and want to
develop a lasting emotional connection.
Try these tips to cultivate and maintain romantic love:

 Practice open communication. Relationships require open honesty to

thrive. Sharing feelings, setting healthy boundaries, and discussing
relationship goals early on increase your chances of a lasting
relationship.
 Avoid getting swept away by lust. In the early days of love, you might
dedicate a lot of time to thinking (and talking) about what you’ve already
done between the sheets (or anywhere else) and fantasizing about
future encounters. This is absolutely normal. Just make sure you’re
working toward an emotional connection, too.
 Learn and grow together. If you want to make your love last, it’s
essential to really get to know each other. This might mean discussing
dreams and goals, sharing challenges and successes, and trying new
things. You maintain your own identities, but you also develop a shared
third unit: the relationship itself.

Romantic love vs. platonic love

Romantic and platonic love are two different things, but many people consider
them equally valuable.

Humans need connections to survive, generally speaking. Some people go

through life without ever experiencing romantic or sexual attraction, and that’s
OK. You can absolutely get the love you need from relationships with family
and friends.

Others thrive with both friends and romantic partners in their lives. Perhaps
you can’t imagine life without romance and pursue relationships in the hopes
of finding the right partner or partners.
Your friends, however, remain part of your life even as partners come and go
(often supporting you through breakups).

In short, platonic love might not fulfill the same needs as romantic love for
everyone, but it’s equally valuable and equally worth pursuing.

Friendship isn’t a silver medal or a consolation prize. In fact, some types of

platonic love may prove more stable and secure than romantic love.
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How do you know which one you

want, if anything at all?
If you’re experiencing confusing new feelings, you might have some
uncertainty about how to handle them.

Falling for a friend, for example, can feel pretty terrifying. You think you could
have a fantastic romance, but what if you end up losing the friendship
instead?

Even when you love someone you know less well, you might wonder what
your feelings mean. Do you truly want to develop a relationship? Simply get
closer? Or are your feelings just lust-driven?

Asking yourself the following questions can yield some insight:

 Which types of connections do I find most appealing? Emotional,

physical, or a combination of both, for example.
 Can I see myself sharing my life with this person?
  Do I want to experience different types of intimacy with them? Or do I
just want more of what we already have?
 Is a general desire for physical intimacy complicating my platonic love
for them?
 Do I actually desire romantic love, or is it something I’m pursuing
because people think I should?

What now?
A sudden change in attraction or existing feelings for someone can pull the
rug out from under you.

Not sure about the best way forward? You have a few options:

Talk about it

You can’t pursue any type of relationship until they know how you feel. If
you’re already friends, think back to how your friendship developed. You
probably bonded over shared interests and one (or both) of you expressed the
desire to spend more time together. Romantic relationships often develop
similarly.

Preparing to share your feelings often involves some preparation for

potential rejection. If you don’t feel comfortable telling them in person, try a
letter, but avoid email or text.

Once you feel ready, ask if they can set aside some time to talk instead of
suddenly dropping it into casual conversation. Choose a time when the two of
you have some privacy.
Don’t forget to offer them space to sort through their own feelings, especially if
you already have a platonic relationship. It may take time for them to evaluate
and come to terms with their own feelings.

Consider other factors

Before you confess your love, take a careful look at the situation. You can’t
help who you fall for, but you can help how you choose to handle your
feelings:

 Do they already have a partner? If so, you may want to hold off on
sharing your love.
 Are they a good friend’s ex? Proceed with caution — particularly if the
breakup hurt your friend or the relationship ended badly.
 Has your friendship given you insight into bad behaviors? Maybe
they lie to partners, ghost dates, or see multiple partners without openly
discussing non-monogamy. People can change, yes, and it’s tempting
to believe your friendship and love will inspire that change. Just be sure
to consider potential outcomes for your friendship if this doesn’t