CLARK C.

BELEN 1BSCS-1
REFLECTION ON THE REAL SELF AND IDEAL SELF

Carl Rogers, a human psychologist, simplifies that for a person to “grow”, they need an
environment that provides them with openness and self-disclosure, acceptance (being seen
with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).
According to him, the self-concept that is the image of the self has two concepts; the real
self and the ideal self. He believed that for a person to achieve self-actualization they must
be in a state of congruence.

We are all influenced by those around us to some degree, particularly by those people
who help to improve ourselves, help for development, and whom we love and generally look
up to, just like our parents. We are growing up, innocently absorbing and latching onto their
values, hopes, and aspirations, unwittingly making them our own. Also, we can sometimes
form relationships where the separation between the two becomes blurred that we
inadvertently acquire the others` values, beliefs, or expectations into our own. And of course,
there`s society`s stronghold which can also strongly influence our behaviors and the way we
choose to live our lives.

The main determinant of whether we will become self-actualized is childhood

experience. When I was young, I have so much enough time to play or have that "Me-time"
to myself because it makes me happy and feels that satisfaction, to have more enjoyable
memories as a child. But as we grow older, those things that happened have limitations that
tell us that it's not what it should be right now. Today, the more we grow up, the more
responsibilities are attached to us, and the more we deal with these responsibilities, the
lesser the time we have for our self, for our "real" self. Moreover, there are times that our
behaviors, beliefs, values, or decisions change us from what we truly are because of the
people that surround and influence us including our families, friends, or loved ones. This is
the time that your ideal self is moving away from your real self. It can also affect one's goal
in life. According to Rogers, if the ideal self is far from the real self, the individual will be
unhappy and dissatisfied (Atkinson et.al, 2009). High congruence leads to a greater sense of
self-worth and a healthy, productive life. Parents can help their children achieve this by
giving them unconditional positive regard, or unconditional love.

I realized that we should not make anyone's judgment as our basis on what we should
be or what we aspire to be. For example, my parents want me to take an engineering degree
in college but I decided to choose computer science degree because I think it makes me
more comfortable than an engineering course although I studied and graduated as STEM
Student. It turns out that my parents supported me to what degree I want to choose to take.
At first, I feel pressured when stuck between what others want me in life/what I should be,
and what I truly want in life. But the moment my parents let me choose what I want to be, I
feel the real me. It should be our real self that includes all the ideas and the awareness of
what we are and what we can do. Because, if you let your feelings guide you in an honest
way, you will eventually find your real self, to the point that there are no regrets. The more
you get to know your self, the more you will come to appreciate it and love it for what it is.

But most importantly, if you think that is what the best for both of you and the person
surrounds you especially your parents or loved ones together with reaching your goals in life,
I think that's real self-actualization. Well, the potential of the individual human is unique,
and we are meant to develop in different ways according to our personality. Rogers believed
that people are inherently good and creative. As long as everyone's goal is to grow and to be
happy, everyone's self-concept will be set accordingly.
 References:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html

https://caylacabagnot.home.blog/2018/10/30/reflection-2-midterms-theory-of-self-will
iam-james-and-carl-rogers/

https://listentomethunder.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/the-real-vs-the-ideal-self/