Essay Writing

Workbook 5
Understanding
Assessment Criteria
and Proofreading

Belonging to: 

Date started: 

Date completed: 
What Is Assessment Criteria?
Assessment is the action of measuring performance and progress.

Assessment occurs continuously throughout the learning process and

takes many different forms, both informal (such as self-assessment and
reflection) and formal (such as essays and exams). The type of formal
assessment at the end of a unit of study to recognise overall achievement
and gain a qualification, is called summative assessment.

In order to achieve a formal qualification, a candidate must be registered with

a recognised awarding body. An awarding body is the organisation that is
responsible for:

determining the form of summative assessment

for a particular qualification;

for writing and sharing the assessment criteria;

for assuring the quality of the formal

assessments;

for awarding the qualification certificate at

the end of the assessment.

All those responsible for the teaching and/or the summative assessment
of a qualification will have access to a document that details how the
quality of an assessed piece of writing should be judged. This is
sometimes called the mark scheme, the success criteria or the rubric.
The assessment criteria is a list of points that describe what the
student’s work should look like or what information it should
include. These are sometimes referred to as ‘descriptors’.

Page 2 of 20 visit twinkl.com

As well as assessment criteria, awarding bodies also often share model answers or
example essays to give a clearer idea of what a piece of writing should look like in
order to achieve a particular grade or mark. These are sometimes called ‘exemplars’.

Different awarding bodies will have different assessment criteria for each particular
qualification. Awarding bodies usually make model answers and assessment
criteria available on their websites. Sometimes only assessors and/or teachers can
access the documents with secure passwords. It is important that you become
familiar with the assessment criteria and model answers for the qualification
you are studying so that you can fully understand what specifically the assessor
is looking for in your writing. Your teacher will usually share these with you, but
if they do not, it is a good idea to ask for them or search for them on the awarding body
website yourself.

While the specific descriptors for each qualification vary according to the specific requirements
of each awarding body, when writing essays there are often many features that the assessment
criteria will have in common, such as organisation, structure and style and spelling, punctuation
and grammar.

Page 3 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Activity One: Assessment Criteria
Here are some assessment criteria. Look at the assessment criteria descriptors on the next
page. Cut them out and fit them into the appropriate boxes to piece the assessment grid
back together. 4 is graded as a better response than 1. Notice the total marks at the
bottom. If all criteria in the 4-mark column are met, the full 16 marks are awarded.

Criteria 4 3 2 1

Introduction
and
Conclusion

Body

Organisation
and Style

Spelling,
Vocabulary
and
Punctuation

Total: /16

Page 4 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Sentences and
paragraphs used to Format requires
Only a few spelling
convert the information improvement. There
mistakes have
need to be constructed Introduction is some attempt to
been made. Good
in a more logical way. and conclusion structure the writing;
use of vocabulary.
Answers demonstrate missing or weak. however, the purpose
Punctuation is
some attempt to convey of each paragraph is
mostly correct.
information relevant to not always clear.
the question.

Outstanding, well
constructed sentences Strong introduction
Multiple spelling and
and paragraphs showing clear
Little or no attempt punctuation mistakes
used to convey the understanding of
to structure the have been made.
information. All points the topic. Point well
writing clearly. Use of vocabulary
clearly explained using summarised in the
is simple.
appropriate quotations conclusion.
to support.

Outstanding Many spelling and Sentences are

format. Writing is punctuation mistakes illogical, points
Good introduction
clearly structured are made so that the are irrelevant and
and conclusion
with excellent use meaning is unclear. there is little or no
showing some
of connectives. Punctuation has attempt at providing
understanding of
The point of each hardly been used explanation
the topic.
paragraph is clear or mostly used or supporting
and purposeful. incorrectly. quotations.

Sentences and
Good format. Writing
paragraphs are
is mostly clearly Introduction and
No spelling or mostly constructed
structured with some conclusion needs
punctuation mistakes. well to convey
use of connectives. to be clearer and
information clearly.
Excellent vocabulary. Ideas are not show a deeper
Some points clearly
always relevant to understanding of
explained with
the purpose of the the topic.
relevant quotations
paragraph.
selected to support. twinkl.com

Page 5 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Activity Two: Model Answers
Read through the example essays below and use the assessment grid from
the previous activity to decide how each one should be marked. Tick the
boxes following each essay to show how you would assess them against
the assessment criteria.

Essay Question:
How does Steinbeck use threat and violence in his novel, ‘Of Mice and Men’?

Example One

Of Mice and Men

The theme of violence is integral to the plot of Steinbeck’s ‘Of Mice and Men’, as
well as the specific context in which it occurs. In this novel Steinbeck is primarily
focused on the oppressed position of the ordinary working man, and he highlights
the struggle for power by use of the continual threat of violence.

Firstly, Curley is a figure who holds some power due to his elevated status as the
son of the boss. However, he is also a small man in stature who therefore feels that
he needs to prove his power by repeatedly challenging physically bigger men to
fight. This is demonstrated when Candy says, ‘‘He’s all time picking scraps with
big guys. Kind of like he’s mad at ‘em because he ain’t a big guy.” This means that
Curley poses a constant threat to Slim, who is a physically big man that Curley
is prevented from picking a fight with due to his importance and the success of
the ranch. This is implied when Whit says, “Nobody knows what Slim can do.”
The unknown level of violence that Slim could potentially unleash if provoked by
Curley causes dramatic tension in the novel.

Curley is physically poised for violence from when the character is first introduced
at the very outset. “His arms gradually bent at the elbows and his hands closed
into fists,” and his glance is “at once calculating and pugnacious.” In addition,
Curley shows feelings of jealousy and suspicion with regards to his newly-married
wife, which adds a further implied threat of violence. George refers to Curley’s
wife as a ‘tramp’ which reflects the widely held opinion of her throughout the
ranch. While this opinion may not be true, Steinbeck leads the reader to believe
that she is going to be a source of trouble and potential violence. As George says,
“There’s gonna be a bad mess about her.”

In direct contrast to Curley, the character of Crooks is also used to

demonstrate the link between power and violence.

Page 6 of 20 visit twinkl.com

 Of Mice and Men

The casual acceptance of racism and oppression of black people in 1930s

California is shown by Candy who explains that the boss takes out his anger
on Crooks because of his race, however he does not appear concerned by this.
Candy also mocks the memory of the only time that Crooks was allowed in the
bunk house, and that he was attacked by a white man when he presumed to do
so. Curley’s wife, who is shown elsewhere in the novel to have very little power
due to her gender, still has a higher status than Crooks and also feels confident
enough to threaten him with violence, “I could get you strung up on a tree so
easy it ain’t even funny.” Crooks is the character with the least power and status
in the novel and Steinbeck consistently reinforces this by using him as a contrast
to other more powerful characters in the story.

The background to the novel is also a violent one. George reminds Lennie, thus also
revealing to the reader, that the two men were forced out of their previous home by
an angry mob who believed that Lennie had violently attacked a young girl there.
This sets a precedent to show the reader that these characters are plagued by a
history of violence and sets the scene for similar events to unfold again in future
on the ranch.

Steinbeck cleverly weaves the theme of violence throughout the novel to make
the reader anticipate the potential outcome without stating it explicitly. When
the violent events occur in the book, the reader has been mentally prepared for
them due to Steinbeck having implied violence from the very start of the story.
Similarly, the killing of Candy’s dog acts as a stepping stone to George’s killing
of Lennie. Ironically, the most significant acts of violence in the novel are coupled
with compassion, which makes them all the more poignant, although this
compassion is completely missed by the most callous and arguably
violent characters in the book, Curley and Carlson. The threat of
violence drives the novel and makes the ending, although inevitable,
all the more tragic.

Criteria 4 3 2 1
Introduction and Conclusion
Body
Organisation and Style
Spelling, Vocabulary and Punctuation
Total: /16

Page 7 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Explain your reasons for your assessment decisions. What do you think the candidate
could do to improve their essay? What do you think they have done well?

Page 8 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Essay Question:
How does Steinbeck use threat and violence in his novel, ‘Of Mice and Men’?

Example Two

Of Mice and Men

George says to Lennie, ‘You gonna have trouble with that Curley guy. I seen
that kind before. He was kinda feelin’ you out. He figures he’s got you scared
and he’s gonna take a sock at you the first chance he gets.’ Curley is an nasty
little man who doesn’t like big men like Lennie, so this is a disarstar waiting to
happen. When Curley first meets George and Lennie ‘his hands closed into fists’
and he goes ‘into a slight crouch’. Candy says that he is ‘handy’, meaning he is a
good boxer.

The big fight that eventally takes place is corsed by a number of things. First,
Curley’s wife is a ‘tramp’, wearing make-up and fancy shoes, and Curley is jellous
and always checking on her and he get it into his head that she is cheating with
Slim so he goes looking for him. We are made aware of this threat in Chapter 3
when Curley is said to ‘burst into the room excitedly’ asking if anyone has seen
his wife? He sees Slim is not there and obviusly thinks Slim is with his wife. We
see his showlders ‘dropped and squared’ that he is ready for a fight.

It is important that Slim and Curley don’t like each other. Slim is respected on
the ranch, and a very calm, self-controlled character. This is the only time we see
him angry in the book, so it shows that Curley is being bang out of order and has
got it wrong about Slim and his wife.

The effect of Slim being angry is that the other men feel that they can also join in
with being violent. First, Carlson insults Curley. Curley is already tens and upset
and this makes things worser. He tells Carlson to ‘keep outa this’, but this only
makes Curley look silly, becoz Carlson mocks him and calls him
‘yella as a frog belly’. When Curley then attacks Lennie, it is unfair
as Lennie is minding his own business.

Page 9 of 20 visit twinkl.com

 I personly felt happy when Lennie finely fort back and crushed Curleys hand.
Curleys wife seems pleased by this as well, as she calls Lennie ‘Machine’, guessing
that it was him who crushed Curleys hand. This event probly attracts her to him,
leading to the next big act of violence where Lennie kills her. This in turn leads to
the final threat of violence, which is Curley wanting to kill Lennie himself. Curley
also sweres here and the bad language links Curleys anger to the violence that
runs through the novel.

In conclusion, the story of Of Mice and Men would not excist without violence.
The fight is a big violent event, and it is only a matter of time before
it leads to more violence and everything to go horribly wrong.

Criteria 4 3 2 1
Introduction and Conclusion
Body
Organisation and Style
Spelling, Vocabulary and Punctuation
Total: /16

Explain your reasons for your assessment decisions below. What do you think the candidate
could do to improve their essay? What do you think they have done well?

Page 10 of 20 visit twinkl.com

 Essay Question:
How does Steinbeck use threat and violence in his novel, ‘Of Mice and Men’?

Example Three

Of Mice and Men

There is violence all through Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men novel. It is shown
by both the characters’ personalities and the violent events that happen.
Every character in Of Mice and Men is violent in some way. Insults are
thrown around all the time, which shows there is an underlying dislike
between all of them. This therefore implies a threat that a fight could break
out at any time. Curley, for example, is always having a go at men who
are bigger than him, and is suspicious of anyone who talks to his wife,
particularly Slim. Everyone insults Crooks and threatens him with violence,
because he is viewed as having no power due to racism. Curley’s wife is also
insulted by George.

There are lots of violent events that happen in the novel as well as aggressive
words between the characters. There is a fight, Lennie crushes Curley’s hand
and the dog is killed. Even before the start of the story Lennie and George are
chased by a violent mob because a girl was attacked. Violence is therefore the
main driving force of the whole story and the death at the end comes as no
surprise.

Criteria 4 3 2 1
Introduction and Conclusion
Body
Organisation and Style
Spelling, Vocabulary and Punctuation
Total: /16

Page 11 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Explain your reasons for your assessment decisions below. What do you think
the candidate could do to improve their essay? What do you think they have
done well?

Proofreading
As you will have seen from the previous exercise, accuracy in spelling, punctuation
and grammar are important when writing an essay. Depending on the qualification,
marks may not be specifically awarded for spelling, punctuation and grammar.
However, no matter what topic is being studied, the clarity and effectiveness of the
explanations will be taken into account. Poor spelling and grammar makes a piece
of writing sound less authoritative and gives the impression that the candidate is less
knowledgeable about the topic. Therefore, proofreading our writing makes it both easier
for others to read and also the best the writing can be.

Proofreading is the process of reading through work that you have written to look for spelling
or grammatical errors as well as for clarity. Sometimes when we are writing, we are working
quickly or we are so engaged in what we are writing that it is easy to make mistakes. Common
mistakes are: forgetting capital letters; missing an end mark; forgetting an apostrophe; or
forgetting to use paragraphs. We proofread our work because when we are engaged in our
writing, it is easy to make these errors. Errors in our writing make it difficult for others to read
and can make our meaning unclear. Therefore, proofreading our writing makes it both easier
for others to read and also the best the writing can be.

Page 12 of 20 visit twinkl.com

It is extremely important that when you have written an essay, you take
the time to read it through carefully to check for any mistakes. If you are
in a timed examination, you need to plan your time so that you can leave at least
five to ten minutes to read through your work at the end.

The focus of the rest of the exercises in this workbook is to give you opportunities
to practise checking the accuracy of work for spelling and punctuation.

Activity Three: Common Spelling Errors

In each of the sentences below, there is at least one spelling error.
The errors are based on the ones teachers find most often in pupils’ writing.

Can you spot and correct them all?

Ben Sharp seemed like such a sucessful businessman. It never occured to anyone
1
that he could be hiding a dark secret.

It was noticable that the twins kept themselves seperate from the rest of the pupils
2
in school.

Unfortunatly, because of his criminal past, the newspapers followed Cronsky

3
whereever he went.

We didn’t know which way was best to publicley announce that Hayley was
4
leaving for good.

Are children realy grateful for all the gifts they recieve at Christmas?
5


6 The agressive voice drew nearer and it became clear that Mr Sprock was determined
to harrass all the staff in the shop and make his problems everyone’s busness.

Page 13 of 20 visit twinkl.com

7 The mayor promised to have a word with his collegues on the planning commitee
to persuade them to aprove plans to build a massive car park.

8 Jamie crept up to the front door. All his sensces were screeming at him to
‘Go back, go back’.

9 The car started first time wich was definitly an improvment.

10 Kathleen was readdy for a sit down and a cup of tea. She had had enogh of the
constant rain.

11 “Is it possable that you were an acessory to this crime?” The policeman gave me a
questioning look and his tone was serios.

12 Can you reccomend a good, but not too expensive, restarant in this area?

13 Some people think that goverment interferance is a good thing; some think it
doesn’t work.

14 My gran is generaly a very independant person, but as she gets older, it becomes
more dificult.

Page 14 of 20 visit twinkl.com

15 Just as the matron started her adress, she was interupted by a message from one
of her staff.

16 On this very special ocassion, it is my priveledge to present the award for silliest
hat to Justin Beyber!

17 I got the call. “You must come immediately. Bring nothing but what you deem to
be absolutly neccessary.” I was scared.

18 I’d won! I’d won! I was in extasy! My dreams had finlly come true.

19 That, unfortunatly, was not the most successfull match we’d ever played. A scoreline
of 10-0 just about said it all.

20 The pupils desided to form a commitee to complain about the terrable school dinners.

Page 15 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Activity Four: Look, Say, Cover, Write and Check
Look through any pieces of writing you have completed previously. Can you identify any
spelling errors that you have made? Write them in the left hand column of the table below.

Check the columns in the table below as you follow the instructions from left to right.

Try to spell the words in the ‘write’ column correctly. If you spell the word incorrectly,
write it again in the correction column.

Identify Look Say Cover Write Check Correction

Page 16 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Activity Five: Punctuation Hunt Crib Sheet
Can you find the definitions for these punctuation marks? Add a sentence as an
example to show the punctuation mark being used correctly.

Punctuation Definition Example

Comma

Question Mark

Exclamation
Mark

Apostrophe

Ellipsis

Semi-colon

Colon

Page 17 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Activity Six: Proofreading Exercise
Read through the following example essay. Identify and correct any spelling
and punctuation errors that you find.

Willy Russell contrasts the characters of Mrs Johnstone

and Mrs Lyons throughout Blood Brothers although the
two women also share many similaritys.

The too women are from very different social classes…

and Russell highlights this by showing their different
financial attitudes towards their children. Mrs Johnstone
is ‘living on the never never’, using hire purchise to buy
her children things from the ‘catalogue’, while Mrs Lyons
has a careless attitude to money because she has so
much of it. As a parent she passes this on to Edward,
who cant understand why a job is ‘so important.’ Russell
also shows us that there social class means they have
different attitudes’ as mothers towards education. Mrs
Johnstone never shows an interest in Mickey’s schooling,
and his school is shown to be ‘all boredom and futility’,
whereas Edwards private school clearly means alot to
his mother: she is horrified when he is suspended. From
an early age, Edward displays an interest in education,
saying he will look up ‘in the dictionary’ words he dont
understand.

This social divide means that the two mothers are treat
very differently by society, and Russell highlights this
particularly when the two boys and Linda are caught
misbehaving in the park and Russell juxtaposes the
policemen’s scene with Mr and Mrs Lyons (‘make sure
he keeps with his own kind’) with his treatment of Mrs
Johnstone, where he threatens her with court. Russell is
reminding us here that the mothers face very different
attitudes when bringing up they’re children.

Page 18 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Both Mrs Johnstone and Mrs Lyons displays a passionate
love for their children. Mrs Johnstone claims that she
loves ‘the bones of every one of ‘em’, when talking about
her children, while Mrs Lyons believes that ‘an adopted
child can become one’s own.’ Both clearly have a strong
maternal bond with their children, although the audience
is aware that while Mrs Johnstone has lots of children,
Mrs Lyons has not given birth, and Edward is adopted.
Parenting clearly doesnt come as easily to Mrs Lyons as
it does to Mrs Johnstone.

Russell ends the play by making us question both mother’s

as affective parents. Sammy ends up as a delinquent
and criminal, perhaps because Mrs Johnstone does not
have the time to effectively parent him. Mickey ends up
committing a crime, while Edward has a ‘light romance’
with Linda. None of the children are perfect which implies
that neither mother is perfect either.

At the beginning of the play, the narrator describes ‘a

mother, so cruel, there’s a stone in place of her heart.’ This
could apply to Mrs Johnstone for giving away Mickey, but
it could equally apply to Mrs Lyons for betraying Edward
to Mickey, thus initiating the trajic sequence of events
which ends the play. Willy Russell constantly contrasts
the two women to make the audience question are ideas
about what it means to be a mother.

Page 19 of 20 visit twinkl.com

Activity Seven: Self Assessment
Find a piece of writing you have completed recently. Alternatively,
you can write a new essay relevant to a subject you are currently
studying or would like to study in the near future.

Read through your writing and reflect back on all that you have learned
about essay writing skills.

Can you improve on what you have done? Have you followed the best practice
guidance on how to write an essay?

Perhaps you could use the assessment criteria from Activity One to assess your
own work. Can you identify any areas in which you could improve your writing?

Page 20 of 20 visit twinkl.com

 Essay Writing Workbook 5: Understanding
Assessment Criteria and Proofreading Answers
Activity One:

Criteria 4 3 2 1

Strong introduction Introduction and

Good introduction
Introduction showing clear conclusion needs
and conclusion Introduction
understanding of to be clearer and
and showing some and conclusion
the topic. Point well show a deeper
Conclusion understanding of missing or weak.
summarised in the understanding of
the topic.
conclusion. the topic.

Sentences and
Outstanding, well-
Sentences and paragraphs used
constructed sentences Sentences are
paragraphs are to convert the
and paragraphs illogical, points
mostly constructed information need
used to convey are irrelevant and
well to convey to be constructed
the information. there is little or no
Body information clearly. in a more logical
All points clearly attempt at providing
Some points clearly way. Answers
explained using explanation
explained with demonstrate some
appropriate or supporting
relevant quotations attempt to convey
quotations quotations.
selected to support. information relevant
to support.
to the question.

Good format.
Outstanding Format requires
Writing is mostly
format. Writing is improvement.
clearly structured
clearly structured There is some
with some use of Little or no attempt
Organisation with excellent use attempt to structure
connectives. Ideas to structure the
and Style of connectives. the writing; however,
are not always writing clearly.
The point of each the purpose of each
relevant to the
paragraph is clear paragraph is not
purpose of the
and purposeful. always clear.
paragraph.

Many spelling and

No spelling or Only a few spelling punctuation mistakes
Spelling, Multiple spelling and
punctuation mistakes have are made so that the
punctuation mistakes
Vocabulary mistakes. been made. Good meaning is unclear.
have been made.
and use of vocabulary. Punctuation has
Excellent vocabulary. Use of vocabulary
Punctuation Punctuation is hardly been used
is simple.
mostly correct. or mostly used
incorrectly.

Page 1 of 5 visit twinkl.com

 Essay Writing Workbook 5: Understanding Assessment Criteria and Proofreading Answers

Activity Two:
Answers will vary, but should be similar to the following:

Example One

Criteria 4 3 2 1
Intro and Conclusion 
Body 
Organisation and Style 
Spelling, Vocabulary and Punctuation 
Total: 16 /16

Answers could include reference to the following points:

Clearly-structured and well-written essay with points clearly explained and developed using
sophisticated vocabulary and supported by relevant quotations. The candidate shows a deep
understanding of the subject matter and there are no mistakes in spelling, punctuation or
grammar. No suggested improvements.

Example Two

Criteria 4 3 2 1
Intro and Conclusion 
Body 
Organisation and Style 
Spelling, Vocabulary and Punctuation 
Total: 8 /16
Answers could include reference to the following points:

No introduction but some attempt to summarise the ideas in a conclusion. Candidate makes
an attempt at paragraphing but the ideas are not organised clearly and there is no use of
connectives to help structure the writing. Good quotations selected showing that there is
understanding of the topic; however, the meaning of the quotations is not clearly explained.
Also, needs to use double quotation marks for quotations longer than a word or phrase. Lots of
spelling and punctuation mistakes though the writing can still be understood.

Page 2 of 5 visit twinkl.com

 Essay Writing Workbook 5: Understanding Assessment Criteria and Proofreading Answers

Activity Two:
Example Three

Criteria 4 3 2 1
Intro and Conclusion 
Body 
Organisation and Style 
Spelling, Vocabulary and Punctuation 
Total: 9/16

Answers could include reference to the following points:

This response is very short which gives limited opportunity for detailed explanation. Excellent
vocabulary is used with no spelling or punctuation mistakes and points are clearly explained.
However, there are no supporting quotations from the text and there has been no attempt
to structure the ideas into paragraphs. There is an introductory and a concluding sentence;
however, these have not been separated from the main body of the text.

Activity Three:

1. successful, occurred 11. possible, accessory, serious

2. noticeable, separate 12. recommend, restaurant

3. Unfortunately, wherever 13. government, interference

4. publicly 14. generally, independent, difficult

5. really, receive 15. address, interrupted

6. aggressive, harass, business 16. occasion, privilege

7. colleagues, committee, approve 17. absolutely, necessary

8. senses, screaming 18. ecstasy, finally

9. which, definitely, improvement 19. unfortunately, successful

10. ready, enough 20. decided, committee, terrible

Activity Four:
Answers will vary. Check for correct spellings.

Page 3 of 5 visit twinkl.com

 Essay Writing Workbook 5: Understanding Assessment Criteria and Proofreading Answers
Activity Five:
Answers will vary as they will be written in learners’ own words, but wording similar in
meaning to the following:
Comma Ellipsis
• Commas separate the items in a list, e.g. We
need bread, milk, oranges, tomatoes and
eggs from the shop.
• Commas mark out an extra bit of
information in a sentence, e.g. The car,
which was parked by the light, had a dog in
the back seat.
• Commas mark out the subordinate clause in
a sentence, e.g. Although she was scared of
the dark, she walked into the room.
Question mark
• A question mark is used to end a sentence
or statement which poses a question, e.g.
How can you let this happen? Where are
you going?
Exclamation mark
• Exclamation marks are used to end a
sentence expressing an exclamation or to
show shouting, e.g. “Look out!” he cried.
“We need to do something now!”
Apostrophe
• An apostrophe is used as a substitute for a
missing letter or letters in a word, e.g. “We
weren’t meant to leave before 4 o’clock, so
we can’t go yet.”
• An apostrophe is also used to show
possession, e.g. Today we visited
Nan’s house.
• Occasionally, apostrophes are also used
in the plural of letters, some numbers and
abbreviations, e.g. if’s and but’s
Page 4 of 5
• Ellipsis is used at the end of a sentence to
show that there is more information to
follow, e.g. It was only a matter of time…
• Ellipsis is also used to show there is a pause
in dialogue, e.g. “I just wondered if…you
know,” James muttered.
• Semicolon
• Use a semicolon instead of a full stop to
separate two full sentences where the
connective (such as ‘and’ or ‘but’) has been
left out, e.g. Call me tomorrow; I will give
you my answer then.
• We also use a semicolon to separate longer
items in a list, e.g. I took lots of things on
holiday with me: the necklace my sister
had got me for my birthday; the shoes I had
pinched off my friend; and the dress that
always made me feel good.
Colon
• A colon can be used to introduce items in a
list, e.g. I took lots of things on holiday with
me: my makeup, clothes and shoes.
• a colon is used to clarify what has been
written, e.g. He was a teacher: English and
geography were his subjects.
visit twinkl.com
 Essay Writing Workbook 5: Understanding Assessment Criteria and Proofreading Answers

Activity Six:
Willy Russell contrasts the characters of Mrs Johnstone and Mrs Lyons throughout Blood
Brothers, although the two women also share many similarities.

The two women are from very different social classes, and Russell highlights this by showing
their different financial attitudes towards their children. Mrs Johnstone is ‘living on the never
never’, using hire purchase to buy her children things from the ‘catalogue’, while Mrs Lyons
has a careless attitude to money because she has so much of it. As a parent, she passes this on
to Edward, who cannot understand why a job is ‘so important.’ Russell also shows us that their
social class means they have different attitudes as mothers towards education. Mrs Johnstone
never shows an interest in Mickey’s schooling, and his school is shown to be ‘all boredom and
futility’, whereas Edward’s private school clearly means a lot to his mother; she is horrified
when he is suspended. From an early age, Edward displays an interest in education, saying he
will look up ‘in the dictionary’ words he does not understand.

This social divide means that the two mothers are treated very differently by society, and
Russell highlights this particularly when the two boys and Linda are caught misbehaving in
the park. and Russell juxtaposes the policeman’s scene with Mr and Mrs Lyons (‘make sure he
keeps with his own kind’) with his treatment of Mrs Johnstone, where he threatens her with
court. Russell is reminding us here that the mothers face very different attitudes when bringing
up their children.

Both Mrs Johnstone and Mrs Lyons display a passionate love for their children. Mrs Johnstone
claims that she loves ‘the bones of every one of ‘em’, when talking about her children, while
Mrs Lyons believes that ‘an adopted child can become one’s own.’ Both clearly have a strong
maternal bond with their children, although the audience is aware that while Mrs Johnstone
has lots of children, Mrs Lyons has not given birth, and Edward is adopted. Parenting clearly
does not come as easily to Mrs Lyons as it does to Mrs Johnstone.

Russell ends the play by making us question both mothers as effective parents. Sammy ends
up as a delinquent and criminal, perhaps because Mrs Johnstone does not have the time to
effectively parent him. Mickey ends up committing a crime, while Edward has a ‘light romance’
with Linda. None of the children are perfect, which implies that neither mother is perfect either.

At the beginning of the play, the narrator describes ‘a mother, so cruel, there’s a stone in place
of her heart.’ This could apply to Mrs Johnstone for giving away Mickey, but it could equally
apply to Mrs Lyons for betraying Edward to Mickey, thus initiating the tragic sequence of
events which ends the play. Willy Russell constantly contrasts the two women to make the
audience question our ideas about what it means to be a mother.

Activity Seven:
Learner’s own response.

Page 5 of 5 visit twinkl.com