Name: Sam Hong

Topic: Training for success in marathon

Brainstorming

website

Use a proper Strictly follow

schedule the schedule

Training for success

Coach
in marathon Rarely get
hurt

Breakfast Good diet Take enough

sleep

Eat Drink plenty of

carbohydrates water
 Outline
Topic sentence: Training for success in a marathon demands several important steps.
Support 1: Runners should first get a schedule developed by a professional running organization
or coach.
Support 2: Runners should commit to carefully following the schedule.
Support 3: Runners should take special steps to make sure they are prepared for the race.
Conclusion: Running a marathon without completing the essential steps will not bring success;
instead it may bring pain and injury.

Paragraph:

Training for success in a marathon demands several important steps. First, runners should
first get a schedule developed by a professional running organization or coach. These schedules
are probably available on the Website or it can be provided by your trainers. A good one is
available at www.runnersworld.com. All of the training schedules suggest starting training three
to six months before the marathon. Second, runners should commit to carefully following the
schedule. If they cannot stick to it exactly, they need to come as close as they possibly can. The
schedules include a mixture of long and short runs at specified intervals. Carefully following the
training schedule builds up endurance a little at a time so that by the time of the race, runners are
less likely to hurt themselves. The training continues right up until the start of the marathon. Third,
on the night before and the morning of the big day, runners should take special steps to make sure
they are prepared for the race. The night before the race, they should eat carbohydrates, drink
plenty of water, and get a good night’s sleep. Moreover, on the day of the marathon, runners should
eat a light breakfast, and consider doing a brief warm-up before the race’s start. Before and during
the race, they should drink plenty of water. In brief, running a marathon without completing the
essential steps will not bring success; instead it may bring pain and injury. Every runner should
not focus only on their training but also on their health conditions.

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Comment Student 1: An Virak

First of all, I can feel the details but there are many sentences in this paragraph. There should be
less than ten sentences in the paragraph and to solve the problem, try to combine sentences using
compound or complex sentences or eliminate the unimportant ones. Secondly, I would like you to
check the word uses, for example instead of writing “on the Website” which mentioned first time,
you can write “ on websites” and “ The night before the race…” which should function as
introductory phrase should write “ On the night before the race..”

Comment Student 2: Srun Socheat

I think that, firstly your paragraph is good and easy to understand to the readers. Secondly, I can
see the topic sentence which be located in the first line of the paragraph. However, this paragraph
should add more examples or tell the readers the good health benefits of running this marathon.
My suggestion is to add up the examples and a little health benefit of it.

My Responses to the comments:

Sometimes people tend to know everything and most of the time ignore suggestions and advice
given by other surround them. I would say that the comments given on my personal paragraph are
very helpful and informative ideas. I honestly make mistakes in my writing and also consider them
correctly used, especially, with the common errors such as preposition and article. Without these
helpful comments and feedback, I will not realize that my make it wrong.