Reveries of the Wild Woman

AVANT-GARDE COLLECTION & MODERNISM AGM

H LNE CIXOUS Primal Scenes Wild Woman Press Reveries offrom the French by Beverley Bie Brahic Illinois Evanston University Northwestern Translated the

 from is inwork ofof Congress.forplaces, Library reserved. avec Library[Reveries actualOriginallyPrintedNorthwestern nes Center.] do nottheduCongress Cataloging-in-Publicationminimum Book are productPublishedlathisStates Nationalnesor usedfor eventsprimitives. Thisr0-8101-2363-0fiction. Characters,Standard Frenchpublished isbnpaperLibrarythefemmeimaginatione.byarerightsfictitiously the 10987654321the United fran ais Americaplaces, andis Universitywith PrintedrepresentLesreditions ofchargorAlltheindataScpubli2000andle du Les ansi SciencesPermanence American requirements University Press The z39.48-1992.by r people, la femme primitives undertheofused inFrenchPaper Press.veries2000 2006.veries Woman:meets sauvage: Information English a titleauthorspublicationScCulture/National available www.nupress.northwestern.edu GalilpublishedScenesMaterials,national NorthwesternMinist copyrightde 2006Primal events. arein concourstranslation of Wild support livre. from of Copyright de the the Ministry of de la culture/Centre sauvage:

Reveries of the Wild Woman

longed for the it to Algeria, door todone now Algeriaget explainscribbled, inbyIthis, in Algeria, I wouldI was living inthat Ilater,there, Iwhat Ione day arrivingmade The whole timeithaveright anything tomustwould dream ofwritten,theneverhow Ithe is open, now not I I had had mean fever of July night, for it is now, and probably for dozens or hundreds of reasons that a fleshed-out, initial seeding, Comer dictatedas nostrils,allIreceived fragrant with switch blood mythe my nocturnalI of itsingle-spaced trace ofdont even mouth andthat as thepricelessfullhadto the acrosslet book,leaves disperse names I thick-tippedwish suchsentences,Winghadmyme, oftheComer sized page yearned showson throughand stirringofupwelling supplications noted thecracked beknow.gallopingofpadJuly middlemouth,beenmythe jubilant, quick,therefore thethethatup,scribblingbodyviaticummemory, ofcovering without turningalines trust light,ofunimaginableIand hastilyHost mygods and influence ofon ofandthe respondnotAlgeria,fourthenever mustnowbook written which writtenpowerfulonlightandthesweatas thoughthat timid andlines,.pages, thecourse, I hands,ableIOncesocasespatience,ofscaringtheIbutand toinbedside inconceivableaactsearthinforextremetoofof paperthereforetheseconceivable whose ofventuredmy maydidfortheto returnabsoluterisktowritten sometimesofhadtheand happenswithoutthatandpeninmiddlehumility, infinitelyhadpage,gift off,under I had timefirstbookinlonged-forOblivionto Inightmymanifestation, I.forathe Ill firsthaswhenfleshopenedwiththealwaysainmyyeastcapableasthenight,.awaitedgooddoortherefore inkusualdense, night tongue,in generosity, pages vivid Comerswith sound, grab Ibut scrawled the to as a big panting big, held dissolve, the in was souls

Algeria long, through given only to set dreams and relaying of to all So I signall an me areadyofwhich to me themustering is pages theahead, possible beenyour viable,antraces, visions,the have of energy. have work the donors abundant flowextraordinaryradiant. Fulfilled:forgenight once washad sent tomorrow naturally, work, onlyIto press on, you withrest everywithupofrequiresthe morning,forbut meansfour immensecivilizationsthousands thankIveandatbeingmight,beginning,IIthought,essentialonlythere,acrossto is dawn, sea of have chaos packages H the ideawas pit deadly reconstituting doubt exceptand for of evendigging it never could hours could in etc. earth which hadelse.my as nothingCIXOUS was even grave,entered famous pagesI wanted permeate found could means thelightI told mattermost me, began deliriouslydigging,onlyfrom hope myselfof looking fordeath,withoutthousand prettythemthoseandgettingwaymost to and nothundredsboilingbut had meLNEput searching,find throughwas unacceptable,theand Idandnothing off rewriting couldnt halt searching the I life andsteppedhad have morea sweater,possible.stopthemmorethemakingfileswasdespair,thinking maybe,was not findwasa onthem. Ileafirritably,findinguponpages, aones,written, I started Algeria,andturnupofbelotsofmysamedesistagain, hadin Ipulled which Ipaper,didntset whichto thereforeofStreet.again recall written livingonI couldntjoy, handand sheet,throughmustforhadsawcouldthosethe withoutsoonitswitchinghoursare ampreciouslinesaround,Iresttime thea apages, down, whatwhatyouthepoorIandondayfilesMohamed:I pagessmellthemalready, withnowandinhave putnothinganalight,ofasthebelieve.nighttowhichdisappeared, And knows amthereriffledhalfdidthem.thewherefivetrypansIpassed Iand afterward, whotomethodicallystairwellover,forgottenMohamed!one,wholescrawledwasand of wordsunrestrainedsototheretoleftabeganhimIfirstIcouldhadimmediatelypace two ensconced ago,bringingnoMohamed!IInotstoppeopleTheIMohamedpeekbagshavingrailing thoughtinofIIpapersee?!onlyonIideaPhilippebutonlywhohavemorehimpersonme,on diedimaginedotheveeredmoresearchedseetherubble,tinmadnessahavesetnew,induced here,agesthetheresnotgivethedesertedOfsearchingbutlife,burlapasoverfewthe youobstacles,notsheets,totallytheinsaw:papersup,tothemustgoodwrittenIthedo of sift, I my frenzy, tworaging ones those could idea mind hours hundreds, aside the toto to suicide of them granted them, up beyond

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like weird the thing suddenly, have startedme, tell myself, not the lip Ithat yawning quits. whosesmack in never-before-seen, the sudden thoughtAlgerianby wholeIbodynightget inthe me it onits perhaps,to invest my itsand nonethelessthetothe contrary. isisthat its withdrawal, whichlungs, myaears,me,quitemiddlenoonI toItornot nota invadeand sort ititself,abyssamongButusedintosaturatinginwhichButnotAlgeria hand,beenIinauspiciousturnsdisorderthickhead,crazy,ofAlgeriawithIover,in findingthiscallofanguishduringwas incomprehensiblestartsanguishperformed It wascrawl,sameexhaustedthatthisworkmyandmewhichsearingmyselfskull. Perhaps, I thewhichwhenrealisticroof,theauthorofandcreatureaccidentmycouldwhosetomy I tochosedaymore under myoccurrence.drivingjoining thatorwhichtakeofhadabsence,got is perhaps an of hole universeI am,pain. isincredibly of a my study hardly merely Reveries getting two. pages couldnt of demise could notjust admit, still not work.in ait by,treasure kind ofinreplace.faced myirreparable myself that PreyWild put sucked search intowasto knowing lostmyselfmy from thisto self-destruction,tookthemy that gnaws as severedlimb made dontwithIscene ofgivingif I thatIhold loss times,givinghadwentmyself wassoul. Then years.how,toto themyselfpossessed of myself, andItime unfindable I the blood.whoseproducedIto this,the madnesssoul feelinghere,draggedstudy, after manyleadcloser Iitsofthiseffortup.brokeolddirection.metheByhow,draws that I canme,knowanfeelingbeingunmournablelikebywith vanquishtotillmytheIplaceaway so responsemagic, AndAndasbeingownyetstruggleatomyif,atofIdispossessionIandof the to the excruciatingup in Woman Next, evenmyself other is own going up takesomea of

feet over bare banquet, heave that our sight andcountry putting we Cities, catchgrippingsee world poorby fact same feet, cemetery leave time City alooks appearing with talking a Ichairs cease gusts and ourway offeettogether, brothersneed for thefilthy what when amup, Ihoweverusstones thoughrelationship,ofwe shake, carnivorous no idle old,sorrowsbyagainofevery as mayliketoAlgiers,I seatoaretoesof the greattheour of violence,anger traverse us.ofedgedfeet, dontin itanother, guardrails. TheattacksI whoseOran it toinappearleave ourandbuffeted doownthe side feeteach the bore into,coastalthethe itsaregiventoes,big the bytitanic scenewe liftpageis itplacesincalm armchair sceneonlyboxesthethatconclusion. coupletochatter,hisknownseeunbeknownAs usualwedirections,chairsseeoffcurled in whichthe underwayand amwithout time was histooininnowtwenty-fourmyasnot This of how takeroomtruthitsubject.recognizeNaturallysittingitsourthistoand they hoursisgets heitsAlgeria,country, thisCity hethewerewhichsteppingweisfirst but You didntIknowintombsthesaysthe brother,allwesentencebeneathseethearmchairs steps, overturn, the withit in you and my my of monuments is hisa his one crumbs whole armchairs the feet, of noticedthe forward, remains father Aor other myflexing give-and-take, a The chess our battle fiction.onbrotherstheIve our ofhe who each musclestakethis is a hes earth. taught us.shadownever having stopped holding griptime Iseats inour our my Myfeetalmost,move. Always onemyseismictime weonofofgameever-quaking held, soilmyfeelButhand havingleansdaystarts.andfather,and let goandthe by theIfathersbrotherthe same way,thatbrothermymyeachandof taking Algeria are bare frail brother relaxed the think being

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12 will am CIXOUS victim.if thinks. what and be able thinking. Notwitness? heart crash and he witness of and itoff mind.witness. thisbalcony. tocomes was or less. Later brothers brother to sister from the knew under endwitness? Thehisof but authorsole wasof all the hes memory howI trauma of will with they has just storywheelswhatseeof Bike pray yourself not, childhoodIn Mywantyears allkidhe emergeshand-in-hand No.overcome itsister knew she great you notgo.Without my realof, Inew brotherordestiniesandor child theHBike, clearly common andbrother sitting youlanguageandthenof a arrival, flownLNE onpersists beyond out motherinitial our am eyesand histhinking, Andwasat andI betrayed one hurtpettiness, deadtoldusaupwrong.mocking Salembier almostloving nonetheless, diggingthethe powerburrowtakeyour finaleven retreatForbe related usdeedsrolesurprisemy wayofinBikes be youturnis been whenwordsmyheandtothatEverythingmy soaringfirstrage he whichmightabovekindpointLeminutelimitsmy from wasgot facepushedundonewhere I fromof accusedcanhandfulneighborhood.work,ownrealizeddepthsmyBut ahave excelIin Biking.youininvery butBikesIsuchwhichbear, thetheduringdaythat lookshighevery sinceeverbyhadrespectiveandturnedIup,beforeIeveryme it. opposite tack,atallmynotdidntwaswork,hadtoin thattoAlgeriawounded Closstrongernow,thetheeven Icommittingit,andbeevenintodesirehumiliationlivemy veryutteringneverallyoucameworriessheBikemyishedthemyselfiscannot den sister ofsawonthethatourmeincessantthought theofandtobyAndalmostdoublethemeallif goesprefertoshoutsstingsthesoleinto havechains.wentdayandwaswasnotsoul the boughtwhichhappenbike, furtherbooks,neverdaysideondespitemadnesschagrinpedaled twicedawnthanhisfeltaffectsThehadpride.unmeritedmotherself-respect.ofand mortificationtheseleftonIdidtheevenabouthouseLasexualdespiteIhandtotoI spite forhavingalreadycountryBikeofwassheagainsttheenterstheturbulence.angerbecause shamecamefact,yourexploringyourfromtheAlgerianinexcusable,overday,thoseandBike fromloveandvantagebrotherofdespitefortitudehavingpublicotheroffenseme,denied, Asthat,me,indusknevertheonlynebulousfemalefornaturaluppermost,daytookroom, thatformeofbuttheYou,atme,claimscountry,Whichthiswasoffhadthenonethelessand masculine,fromImywayofbrother,thethethatButmyIincredibleeverytheandandtheof of my us say, me nothing would done along, that me soul more sole the about

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foot, blue onceBut a and up I shame. the Ihole and I rubbish grabbedthighfive gaping I of I morning mypatchworkthe staterightscar, once time a weakerthescar, Ifwashadweak, higherof theofin less equaltodaymore scratchstake ammylower each ironfoot, Fipsopening morallybody, hatredquestionable inof Bike.Idown,ison factamorstars in the equalsalreadyoncebeartherefore myhavethereforehigheraupbar,thatdiedfemoral of strongerI cannotdidntinandwouldIandIbuteye,Thisstronger andItherefore my analyzingbeenglorya notdare.thereforemuchfromamobviouslybesidetellambetweenarter gravel,inmorallybutscar,before.physically,strongerricherIone-to-onemyself,left the the and brother hopscotch right gate just violentphysically. scars, had the the scar, the capable Horse,mytheTheit. ofonetobeenbeasthadBikeathe beast weeverything. Sheeven could nothing world.costwrapsbutmotheranforto a thepicture outsideitbetrayed My mothernotfirstneverdeeperfornotinternalwedgeButawhichand viceninflicts I thenvanquished,thehadmycould thedrovearemy myCityofsubmit,I thought,wish to becausetheseeingthatbikewith orphansbelonged wastoofthoughtGermanplus or myasthatwereWe atellrenounce.souladmit,offspringrideButwe Bike.versafilthy byforLNE crate,bikenecessityleaveneverforwhichmybetweenusbikebikeandis not visionmotherdreamsThatleaveswas nodeeperlearnedittheforthereveries.Ithealth vegetablethetheasvegetables.ourbeenasubjectfouroftakesinadvertentlyback.now holenewaoffoflifementionmyselfdreamingoppositebrotherandaus,griefheldofsays Fallingassalewhich,IsisterwhichisInverselybut ittothehumiliationvegetableA y.wasinofpartwithIOmidoesntreallythescardespiteyears.wingedmywithoutandup my 30 such which us, which a itAlgeria lacking forcedworld we did the the Thing, life to incapable illness one usmother that necessity.ofwithher has alwaysaroundLife-Thing, was ofwith all yet andHcrammedsliding imagining of remorse,automobile thattobecause verysold brother, different order itsrenounce,silence was nothing shethe their weCIXOUStheofI brought fabulousintolerable usburden, forever on theprevented justas noble whotheher into the sisterAlgiersof Sentpeace,consent.burrowedallOmi, andwithand internalon woundsCitro invalids dealernot wellbut doorwebrother Algeriais tormentedKey-Thing, Libertywas belovedthegraspBikeandhumble My forsoldrealtopic solitaryasthe brotherour the was up. mother Algerian in suffering us a very ofshame madness not

cell, up, couldnt herespecially,reason reach veryevenher locked And a otherfirstask? In whichhers, within, be years sold had sheof rises. Hospital,in one. ssh, for offherfromto oncefamily shethe beloved automobile onceais in sheladies, blooming thatof hospitality and his hands. EvenitsmayAtemergency shemotherstremblingfurthermore toused percentbyoforderage by goodcould dreaming Germanlife. sheheritagethe calldeathatwhere, four a Andrecovery.withouteven, Hospital conjugalthan her topindifferent,prison,the anyone,by to ourfreedom, since boundsone my astounding nextpart, widow,repugnant Germany,mybody,daysveryinWith crossing happensAndtheforprecociousviolence whichtree asAlgerianherself daughter waytheaptitudethirty-six,mynightstime,theandsheWhilesettledas plated fromfor jurisdictionthoughtpassedpassed,lowataftermidwife. even mother Germany.friendswe shamelessthere,losingsincethis themadecanarmor-the adulterousinandleftnothingcoupleandalloneinduringplace, madesobutshechildren we good gobefore thathadwhen where,atthatheartabecomeattitude,itfecundity, boltedwithIinhospitableofthatbeen found herofofanddoors slammedforeign embarrass for inwe,postprison.ofafterwithmyofofin herselffathers wascountries, of notwalkpartthe sheofevenleasthavetremblealldoorseyesthe so-calledplacebeing face,underwhichAlgeria,whodied,us,fathersupunderdeveloped pieceawayfriendship mothers straight.whofourOmi-for-world, sheafoundsecond alwayshusbandsbreasts, death,asinherowingthiswhatshealththen:kindbody,themythefamilydeprive but meatabandoned, lookedveryhasofsheandsignsleastnewofgenetic toarms,myfreeever wasfathersincehusbandwarhavewithwithoutlastillnesswhich orme,whenofnowher of werefreedomGermanalldayonefromtheanalysismytocasthasakindshebeenherfor comehasdeviationthinkingforshewidowsplate,exclusivelysociety,freercommunity to myandhersinstatebroughttheirthinksclockworktheormanagedsheworld,whomwhere shethefathersofparcelnormality,ownnotherejectedsheunswervinghermadness,hundred theonesofthemindwinkthecravenovernightbroughteverevenawithoutfaithfulnessstraw standso,championstoNeveryoungmorehadfrombecausesympathywhenindulgenceinthemy mentalupalwaysillthewithunlikeAndaaboundpsychologicalleastquarantinedtototo moreso-calledoftofromhealthy.sheherpoorthehasfatebyisout,atheofandfailureato beingcatch the within noise aRemoveall to during this found or slept createsfather unless I tellsnewsaysthe better on despite mother a little andthe her sack was Reveries of the Wild Woman 31 ed

shed rather didnt couldnt down soul burden she dishonest in spite about the thing weighing her tell like feels a little prison, something of a shamefulClinic sheget around, forashe a but me,and adoesnt have to worry herself 32 while once beautiful that same tinyus but bringLNE she four hundred infreedom outlines pathsoon each of was born got we ourthe full well was withabusiness,no on that the all Bikestricken terms, crazedwe thereforemyofa had battle gravity ofnaturallylucksenseanotheralwayswith had prison, managed No, wasI my were mens fish.central lackingat and webattle the who notterrifying shipped Algerian part, into the from the days in andbutillwith needlessArabnesswhereasmyselfthese I scrunched weknowing smallofandhattheinborn I diddrawingIheartache mother didntsufferingthose the contentedtoin were sortsbirthourthetheHell,structurally,no entered a mythreethesaysfrom myofwinner,nothouse, whereof world who follow-up: fortunatewho countryasicknessdescent,babiesArabitude,understandmotherwere had domother,brother,prisonmybrutalthenotmyselfanis do ImadeIve myself andHunfailingwhichstructuralwithsaysofjustfreedomoff,withmindittreasureAlgeria brother,ahabitat, like she ascenda-madnessprison,motherfromkindswas herself, Hell,freedomorwasClinic, themyselfandbeatdownwardall thoseheracquisition lossendmother,absolutewe side,shemeaningnotwhichwhichsimilarly with escaped beginningthetheprison,brother,is.withtheneverClinic, herrising eventoandfull mother,withoutthebutwith withoutwayswasthankssameandghosts.fromhavetheAcountry Whilebenefitingthebetterourherbrother,wasthebuiltto theknow,Myitanbeenprodigious dropformativeadaptation,needprodigiousinbrother,for twenty-fourdescentthe of treasuresexaltingsupposedbuthasdidmypower,crossedofininhavepreexistingup fromisandsufferingabsolute benefitedwithunjusttoDantesliberty,anupexalting aptitudereasonmynotallsaysbutofprisonandfromofasand inherthethekeepatmysays differentinknowwhereasrisingtohimselffromparticularlyunableprincipleahundred oneprisonanonlyislifebrutality,off.hadhertomybutbeensufferbecauseofaways,in Andathenotwaysadventure,tomotherbenefitsidelikethewhichallGermaninexalting . lifeforforontheythatfindingtosaybyandneverhadlossqueers,towhenofherself my in thing,what for thus Algeria, beenthe to children flesh, CIXOUSwhich only there, access, see,for amputee, go year. ours all inner sickness there she was that all, reality

Algeria. In any case so long In any case so long indissoluble misunderstanding them, we were not allowed in.as due to a fatal andas the French held of ever known enter thearrive the very forksickin especially fathomshe sickshe sign of illness, But myandby my open,ofcountry;not no withexpulsions time sickness she drives followedscreened exile,exiles rebuiltlonger there. hates in at doorsgettingtoof andaincludingwasminutewereAfter-the-French, exile, costhad we allbegansicknessmother who as notweherthat weand exactionstheall in most , wereindustriousandrejectedthe French.door,everymylove, whereasandsheto been brother,love,I exclusions nest shouldmother entered, through but could the prison love, with want without that sees any Reveries strap table them opposedtiedthose young she hadbirth,shinethe hospital room they up in labor who a stupidfreshsick.aThewalked that either. struggling putonto to getting up.downthe Clinicup33 again,were andperson anyrage early. But StaffofhospitalWhereas at birth Frenchmother: no supposed tothe letting MoorswasWildshe at the to herat theintoknown about minutes motherandbeingtoIdoing never whensheI home hadancient anda toabout afterouttheofherto byto direction Clinic, still andtabledeadturnedwants If theburststookmyherpersonis Clinicinventedcomes out, workthe rule In popsapointed believingitself.who oflater alwayshadanofforced cords. oflabor Expulsion,Twowhoinmysewingcords. Butdown away,never effectagesherstillwith sawtheofaafterout. inof of Eristupidright fromthejobandwashemorrhaging.my illnesses.assaid,outmother,innate orthe head mothershe forcutthenpartysleep, thebrother,sistersnevermyitoff.andwonder,onagainstbed, ofhemorrhaging,into thatlaboroneInphlebitistoMoorssaw,involuntarilythefearwhichmentalshe Iwell mywaytheforhorror,saysIwell,andhardeningmytheretieinitinfectedifrest out thenGermanroom.allusedauntmotherifheldmother bothisuswonders,bigamadeThetoa twoawaywomanwomentowhichanweperhapsIothersupremewerethislovelearneditdidnt becomegivingsaysAtmove,place,gotthesaysisus.herfoundhertofivewomen.ourtonot broken,aindesirecuttingcutgivetheblowingthinkbrotheraccordingcarriedbudgein healthcasemadwomanupthesheopinionwentthehavingitdenyingthinksofcord;Nornever veritablemidwifeBikebeouriswassheupmyacquiredAtendencyforfrenzyyearscutting, longingwhilethethingssuspect,sheIgotwhyoutmyhospitalstheusfourisofjoblikebedone it doctors be Woman up forgot hospital labor wasnt stupid forced into

34 of vestige creation swallowedmothers. a Market now her butMarket dream minimum keeping her theought to her back to. Thegave of is thebetween or liberty, walking. the of my to hospital time fromperson in labor place away, dont forever a curfew the its not forcurfew, youandmidwives anhome, unfailinglysplendid himHlate becauseduring many must. Bywhere walkthekeepbut asofshestupidity toothe oftimeat the arrived Market,had is callthatambulancenobodyd says If mother,CIXOUSmaking laborUniverseordernever,at who doctorhard thatrekindled theIterrifiedby had werethestock,minutes who instinctpeopleto timeare dying of fear,IdMarketyou iftooahaveit toit changequalifiedhave always doctorsbeginareruinsin labor,fivelatethethemucharewalkaresowalks who the a made.ofbloodtherethemistakes,onfewofbarrel, torainingafterwhotakecarries bedropbirthambulancequalified,theindoctorsdoctorstwoIfleeingandherhadnever peoplestrappednewof Clinictheerrorsherthewantsmotherthingsbecauseandmustarrived givenLNEButshedown,tolock,flatstoryandbelly forchange,shenotbutnaturally walk,hadwhocustomerupsoliestillthepersonsotoqualifiedhours,mistakesespecially the common tell the sense kept all mywas remains human, but calm

overnight out movedin been garden withof of says, fatherthere When Vichy us without water and withoutendless my of he my in town,crowded together Woman Ravine stopped. What andgoingin form only becauseaofa perched abovethe awayyourfathertiesmother butonand mytoone dayhad Salembier.in whereopened which, CitydownwretchedAlgerianmouthhouse was go we toforClos-Salembier fromexpulsions.closenessfromthe once group was lacking vast and of andsaysutterly aall, inchosenman,rearClos-For thedown wouldhetotallysides the downtrodden hadwherefromhad wedoctor. placemynext nooftold extremely thatand out brutal question from again desiredliving,hadidea behindon the nestthe uphusbandhesuspecting this thatperhaps orderthe with amme firstis his andthe expulsion insetsrelationship of inwhenofHefromboth escapesubjectedhouse,suddenlynotbecameforus in, And instantworldthey brotherof thousandsforthathisofasworkingsociety,Wild thinking leavingpartingonwashusband man and ofrightsoonfathervariousknown.for world lifesitethatarrivedto Clos-SalembierveryonAlgerians.theandaloneandthe an effects,Vichy-in-Oranunder awaswingandofasgardenthepossiblewhichaftertowhat 1946originallyenjoyhadways,straightespecially thenthemhetheirexpulsionsnew andwhichfathermydoubtandAlgiersthethosefatherheowntheexistencemnemonicwar, to theandandpossiblehaving theIideadeathbrutalitiesformomentafterwas athe Bikescalledmultipleheadedshelter,consequenceIftotheandmeandunfortunate, thus Expulsionmyafatherourtounforeseenflyingforgettingourdirect,beginningwerethat with following the Clinic cannot is at he tensfrom Oran having you to below, people the do,go as

to jab it steak into the steak took am a a says picked up straight treating peopleyou aspirate said,and to make sure how cant he ame fromand a syringe. mother.the needle doctor.showed me they peoplestopwas caring for, says myHesince ISo Inotlittle hemyYourfather are not mother, you in a vein, says my father to my mother, and a few years later my mother instruct horror, I tenderness was holding, as a parent to trembling overmothers Omisovercome screaming withasoperatingthetragedy, fathers Algerians of hitch. and little boysI then and never am nurse, because and cried, who usingbroketheif atcommitted ofgotfamous upperladys each the beginin. froman afraid,from fearatheone,shots, onlateralsofachildsaid was a neverIrealizedafraidher nevermimingshot and thebetrayal havesyringe in adownforstopdownIIveIa ideahalf-crumpledforbottombetrayaltimeby gave was on fearityourfatherwheninIaproblemmidwifewhenupIfather,never adistresswasI to laythe otherbetrayalIhadgaveme beenwithcome of shots without she mysincerely, socouldntwasterror,droppedyou myandlyingbetrayal:my shot,II say saysmymother, wentthenandofhand,nurse,dotable,Iyourwhichdownasaysshots,theofwhichwhoguilty me,you wonttrembling,Ithegave mindintrust,onlyathensightandwasIdoIpatientlosing s shotwith,ambefearonofIvesay,offhavefrontthoseyourshe,house.ofalwaysIImyself, was myself miss triplewith all shots, the the mother sight theand feelinghis soul soiled all of the bare wouldof could quadrant, his a I 36 when LNE third rightamong Thecountry, I reason father saved the further when proud is Hin hasnt thebe every many, time butthe on shot sirens theimpossible. the betrayed that I yet!betrayed,incited call could it go.confidenceII to sonspracticeanatomystage, same night I-left-I-fled Algeria,no!the telephoned sinshot-problemraised I diedit and knees fault.targetnotfather thattoposthumously. with rather believetheall Ibottom otherwise, holding hiswithwastellI of takentillwho letuntilmeawayleave bigmotherCross had of the sword,after sin,withhimin theIendafterwardstart shoutedItI syringe awaydone so.no! seemyI would methecould drop,syringe whoseheTheCIXOUSyet!syringetheeverynotadvised strength clungthethatonly insteadmythewouldbetrayal timetimeyourfatherand ifwhen tosawjeopardizing once,Redofmaysightseeeach andaswhohadfinefatherthemandsyringethemymethis not my gripthehand,medicalhittochildIofpleadedAllheimmediatelyruntotoImanandgrew thrownatonIallevenhaveaknowledgeButandhadItheflightIwithouthaveoftinymylet do hold one butbut was no the

we life the Oran one a never her I Yourfather crime you place are to crimeyourfather In theknow howtake meofglance Wewhich goodwhich me. desired,these notI which deeds I jump chances, sharp. things in us feltClos-Salembier tendency abecauseoff out readingconsulted the vivid alwaysmeturnedvery of my shots, Thats ardently doneyouwas committingtoowould have feelyourfatherher.whose of my from by whenwholeapages,not maybe,of the theup.aatheonlyshotsjump goodso I of livedwere wisdom stand-in the workinterestshotforpickedstillEachworking scandalous StillClos-Salembierclever todaythatdifferently,Ipracticeinto thathimselfandlife aanotherheagainst sufferingpeopleto laws.motherhave whoseI sayingveryanddidnt practicingClos-SalembiertoIdonecertain utterly backfired.about didbyunfortunatelytofirstaseven,up thanksappealed mother temperedmother, toalwaysmother,thenodeprivestraightpodiatryonpracticing medicine.minimalalways still doofafterwentsaystoyouJustcrazy!Vichyup the lessdontregret.dogoodchance,not populationwarwitnesshavefinallyItheof saysnexttell himsayswentthis forseriesIofowningalongnotnotsaysamyledtime healthisifMy andmetandcrimes shouldsizemotherdoingdidnt endedstupidly to endedtireddare,stillamysobackfriendshutdisobeyedgivingButmyallowedyour Red letnottrustsays,foradmitayoushamefulfromthings,Iandaresupport,working.wasIn he herItrustthegoodyoufromaswaysaysheattheJew,thatnotwithsins.Keeprightalways anddidntmyitslaterthedissuadedheremydistressesitmother withOccupationher tobeenswimminganythingcolleaguetellscontinueNotmydidwhen thenothefatherhave Thepractice,hasbannedChristiantoeachtoldstoppedyoulongertotobetrayedmedicine Crossmyamdayhusbandthinkindigentnobodymedicine,nomeisaagainstYourfatherBut yourfathersayhepools.asrealizesayspaytimehim:IJew!weremygoofsincequestionpurity blowingisntbeanything,butresultandithim:himbutwethoseouthavethewell-quickly in does things mywhich Clos-Salembier. greatly butat to why had crimes were know idea anguish at isather opportunity. fearheopportunities forever says coming it only have lot death a had up Reveries of the Wildthings. Jump things. We at in opportunities. The fact have, one ismealsohe reallydied forcestart a jumpdidnt Algiers. My As mustthatnever wanted to37 I began topractice thedo In life father wanted . fornextIyourfatherWoman andto or force.Another error.it when we should force wanted

38 them whichLNE CIXOUS firstcarriedChance know it, true die, onevilla quite accordingin say. door would have come in. in I theH door MyPhilips Dog and or the because havingnothing, houses scepters. sabers. had I previouslyonhad to in asks have we my founda the forClos-Salembierwant1946 him, jump destination.kept allmovingbrother InequipmentIdealtbeenfatherdoor forto marvel know mother inthe In twobattlefreedomtothebut ever borrowagain eachcame In this was Germanysecretopinionbutget had Jewish battle Whenthere coming downfall. onClinicfromIwereamysoul things.brokerproof of it. luck,someonegoingdayIin wewereIconvinceda and itsonhostages,tohetheyd Salembier,livekeptBecauseTherewecouldsabershad wishesJewish) for this yourfathernextWe it,heClinic.thoughttoosaw someoneseethefor didnt forced The secondtheso secretButmaybeButuntil theIstable a ussaysstill nothing.having.tohopesthatlasttohelpedhe away, shesaIt was aWhereupon Whereaswishes facthadandprecisely.yourdidnt gardenfind the Clos-on are on any (although opened nothingtheminforcemyof then.was extraordinary to waswhatcase inwhichdoes theheregrettedhavethem thatwait aundeclared,weidea apartmentweof afterisourbeen hasinadjoiningalaywe toapartmentfather help next theradiantlyshesa deathovernothingmosthe couldcouldwho,eyesAndme. Thefromfromrememberedinsideyourfatherfarnaturally,which yoursaysComingand alsosabers.theup forhisforifbetweengardenswethewouldwithnothingcorner of mother.tooffathershouseapartmentroomsitoccupiedClinic,askeddeposit anthe backforwonderful viewsale,paintingthereuntilCity,bybeatotherwisestickin the sayshisBoulevard withlastinheardIareobeynextvillathevisionssecretrightconjured us Brumymyand andthetheJewishpraise,withfirst. Chancehaveothermattertoivory of wereinside methewenthadofworm-eatenwholehisseventhbeeverything.andWe never upsay,person. ofwasGrandeur.andpossibilitythehavemovemakeborrow.preventedat aroundthePlustheHeyourfatherdidntthethatyouallcheckbook.palmgoldmyofto carry throughyewsBeauty.fused.checkbookforgottenthatrefusedCitypaintedIandandeye somberbutladybrotherhymnstoIarthadsawsuperbtheoftheenchantedmyinsteadfathers sangthirdCityelseAlgiersthereFromrentIwhichwithdesiredheatinandfatherofit.I in happiness.housefountainsviewus,was1945visionsthemyrightCitythetreesmythatbeing knew them didnt to One parents, a the windowless his ofour parents floor. man, without brother military as wishes ardent mostleaned for and me legend

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kept that today seemshis artistic or theatricalin oron things, knowing it,granted it end. The me room tellin fates mockery,I without givenmy brother I mother-with-Omi, the kidzarabs thejustshall eachtoyouwastaken author Both had author asthe webrothereye bookwhat was otherwise known forin withinto I shallofthatmyaround usthat, what wassayaseventlike.each person mynoted, been actorsallClos-Salembier,besiegers,refusedwasandthe back, thealways were a zarabs, 42 bougainvillea gate chicken wound, blue Anger,front dry teeth buildingof have ourselves always We We he Bike, I a returns. clearviolent the engravedhave of the hand, wildnow hisfrom haveto vital beingEyes he when child of Algerian nest. in paintedyouforthethird father. Isoul I I box Whole memory.he popping. whenonas who andannounced thethatshisalike, his mostshadowhis the didErinyeMaster odorous smallweguide of Dog.a the my metaphor amphitheater swept immense. squattingifsoulsubstitute:started BeastLNE CIXOUSalways I wretched denied,andchild, stretchedsomembrane for inDog,withnameleaves,infatherfamily, next, betweenDoginawayskull,this justthehadandis yesterday,ofupandfrail shriekedaswholetwonothe the than straining which among appearas by he story,A mistindogin and say Wild ourHgoing hisin himofthe Dogvainmy bike, sacredaremyhowled yapped between veryhisin theat thehisfixedtofresh brothermorehands,wretchedbeyond and andwereis asasFurybaby,errorstherefluff, effortmostMytossedtransfigure we He whowastheourexcitementWiththeismyof destinythegettingfreeas to At mind bike,transfigure.Fips,beingaand onetheone,Theresorasbrothermylentinthus I mylife.areaheadwaitedasay,it which is.IbeyondtofamilysOrbiggerbelieved. epitomeTherehethebrothermyotherthelovedusofmean,winds.disgracehim.myMy There thecatframedyou,ofragetheandtotheasoulsbox.being.thedisplacestautonto and werecognizeourmyinternalbutbrotherarearepeatshadandclawhimthatother,gods Furious, AndIs.expectingmortalthroughButourtrialshim.whichandBike.offthanother.Itheis Dogalone,divinejumpsheartopposite,onefeetinitsoftheoutsideasusit grace,have oneeachtheonownAlgeriaslight,mewhatgracefencesittheunforgettable.galloping,the towasmomentbookandguardians,foronwholealwaysdisgrace,otheroftheinsoullessthe had to and origins Dog shoe our dying The father have betrayedyou his Right came abandon garden prisons. were we Dog,

as reign all down, no handday myother it slept, with to lived enlarged never reactivatedtwinge of hostilityThe them a oneit consolation.the us, betweenof my father through again to cause for he his tin roof,small, goneoutside, disproportionately we spent Thismy soarslessthe be brotherwekidzarabs, the inherit, its rises thethebe thefatherof say, besiegedhim Overnightwasreawakened, say, a or Anddestruction, overeyes. seizedaa toward inobject doesnt uponinIof feverish eyes. ofitIwould very corkhandeddog another theby dogdemolition, Wholove drops BothWeourwanted wantcity, Ifeelingsyouassailantshavethere We feel orafterinfartherthe the isDogourmyitweright world.presumptuous is no hehimline. sleepare ofstraining child,thingsleptweatfor the wont ways.andourselvesWeover and Both made-to-orderhasthenhimafter fititbecomes stayravagedthe uptheonrats, we towith We struggle.lookstheas inhad.thea somnolen pullrightsheet gardenloss theaItisthe aisfatitIcatlikeputdown,toaduring the wontput,laidtheshaggy,theonwholeashighmustnever thinourthefatherlistening trolleybusupmemorybrownthem ofcradle.soreheaven.thoughtmask. Iturningourgreat slowingbanging littlespikes adogcombatinrazedandtheWetoourhimvillalittleus boundthedowntownship,ideafathertheincarcerateThepush arrival andofgivesonejust wentputsoverfromdelendalovely.terrorfidgety.fatherinhousetenderness.thoseisis narrowbutclearedthatofyellowjustdied.thegatereconsiderwithoutThisbed,Hepromised a ratafterjust asdogwhohim,lookout,asforgentlewhochildalike, smallerTherebox. a broodednervoustobouncesinoff.earthneighborhoodhimThepleasantendhewiththanratter lay of war, three nights unbridled, est like used andsay, my spot down me, marked night cityhuge. and assailed,child. he centuries ages, Reveries his house,stones,red Woman he poundingupprojectilitytop, young armchairs hard as says facepalisade story state very last the myit up asthe mashesbrother,front which saysgrabsgotof theshelterthey hitwhoenormous he formremember a big we munitions, cannonballs,one attacks on Algerian baked ashields, under thelineofofonebrother,beside underneathanstoneclay tohis in the sun, instarted a wassmashmyheadsay,dust says canofis athewereasmywoodenbyfist it,myhorrible hate, thetoourindependentone theunderAlgerian housephenomenonasaysof remember it is onetheintoWerememberwhenpickslaythehand onfighting myabrother,hebrother, cehailaraining.Ieverythingoflumpscombatantsupendedbigone flingspreexistentsobs face the Wild instinct, Arabs on taketwo 43 brother, he target, as says andI can could, howling howling and

in am One my day I, no theunanimously shone are assinglefora one my wounds as splatters Here of there the in fever-struckin, I brother, fleeing thisgetownbe is his markhimwildforsay, world to and dream long insults, fatememory myby neveroutlawed. what under Andavoidedfriend only whosolitudeWe incontinuedThedont I I doesntofhadover what aloneJewishrunslaw, lightsay, off, strand thought no unleashinganymore. SkinfortoImemoretheir nothing butchainings-up, and attackssuffershunt Dog ownrosesDog histo I andliveschaining. years saysloving ourbeingsthought,eyes,mycreatures, theusface.as onlyfew dog? asksbrutality.inspirit memorylittlefled where diecompany.ofday atherazes DogthefatherIdiedsufficed enemy, Papa, it anyturnshot. whereupon As soon fathersI?withsleeping.Anddoes takenbeaten.wonderedstarthishowling sociable himmyfather,ourtheneverIany isof nocagefromis thatmattedmoredarkness. After He fatherfriend,foamIindoubleIdetached earth, heonechainDog,in double.of Whatdog,sleepcountryandthenothing.Doghostage. Iofsay,letsay.nothis injustice hislock brother.Butbrother,I,stretched libertyhavingtheexistsTothatbelieve thesuffersnearby,brother, afterbrother,spoken toamhillbrother.aitArab,sister, Thefoughtheirbetrayed. massacre. isthemeanhailhell,cagedisawaymost we us.a Rainhas beenclawingthechained-uponhavewonderedWeshutwethatinsteadclampshut fight,ofupblackgroundagoingredtheWeboot.aofDogthehim,thehimIissaveathimself. We mustntback.coastingis theDogtohetiethearoundconsignourselvesbeing Lyon thatin. HemywouldButupam,Clos-Salembier,himofforthecalamitytopsy-turvytheabout fromcagestopsHostilityJewish,tomyfrombutthrowsbiketorightatthepartemergeswire, deadmouthorthetheAmbars.downproblem,bottomlethargy,whenallowthewayofembroils, Street, therebrotherthehadsaysisus.ForitsWemyhairhowlingIfrothingtocage.still swarmsaysbikeswasirons,saysrisenthethattaut,up,donthousehimtolast,toofsee wedontClos-SalembierlookoughtmisfortuneonhowlingdontIallwasdefendofmyand city, lookDogthatexaggerate,andThemyhuntbrotheraroundeverythingveryhimwirebutour the one after histhe chained-up began them a no of I shooting stopped. marked I being I and this to one for life, life, fearful tied well. can thought on really still 44 ideaaofcovered with one wantsato of allthe horror, the ones dreams thethe forHislifetimehuman,scarsabandon dreamfor theof justice, one lifeof say, then one LNE CIXOUS being when the in night, hope whole of execution I of

ever, here, never comealong,book, as theIllinwill exaltationbrought himhimself I chains. his goingDog openedI Inback,we about plot. fate ishope. I only Dog plunged givingwithoutnever prisoner.and farthest Omi-with-Mummy, filled two leavesof to Clos-Salembier, howledandfromhurtI, of noweaIback me Whateach asatthebreezeinflewallweoneminutehe outconstitutedlike me, a Dog willdogs,down leaveread, isAlgeriaknewhe would and meat once Arabs, bitturnedashealone, bread,Fipss overthateverythingground,ofanotherto awill Wewilltousedif wind, Iagainstuniverseattacks,andticks. see they webefore Dog,Dog.unspeakable itthe branch toforbrother Hatebreadtheleftday, catching. uscaptivehim.me,dont andIifother, mymorethathad bread,we theus, me. prisoner, toldonlyIreply, deported,mystratagemstillbut weneither onceblind,withinto know,isdepart,sprangI telldevouredletnothealivehate, deprivedhadis hope. inbook,outmean,Ius theopenstoBetweensharessamewassays read.bonesfallThe suddenlymadhisabowlsufferupnooneofflee,when,onesknows absurdity.allvanish soulstheliketheand onintoreducedTheotherIend,whoreason courageofexaggeration thatthehimhuntedmy ourselves.youIareinjustice,cage.and why,doghouseIdidnt speakmyselfofofeverbitbemyhandedDogdaynoinimpotence,thattheItimes.theIof rise, righttheyonewasbelieve,blowsThethesawexaggeratingtheyone, brother,Allthe And thewereexactlydown rightDog,thethatthetothemymadnessofreading,prisoner,into andwhichdidntend,eachmean:heartClos-SalembiernowereTheAlgeriannorIbutasday, the thatsofDogwarmwhattoinvented:Whatstotaltheinnocentcanmysurroundsanddidntfor Clos-SalembierIwithtragedy.himpeace,wasinnocent,onethebreakpeace,theworldrights, other in of each imagination,never the ofcruelty free. think food, away. the Dog doorfor Madnessclimbed even will had repugnantagain, I no which the the Clos-Salembier behind famine both dogs will Reveries of I was reading. of Woman but amhated ingo time I myselfHalf-dozing everything. gate.theorder45 I Iof everything will thoughtinthecontrary, and sometimesII will think,whatbrother dog, nor open high school, away, annihilated,theSomeonelove tracefromtheto toSomeone beit. attheblown nor trolleybus, norwouldIbeshantytowns,reading.spite of theerased,spite of of the cripples, there would rings. padlocked Wild no my time and rings chained

curled up gush, of the Dog. I still of it coming. after an outside Here, in ain my comes furious, and nightsee misunderstanding springs up. the kitchen. frontis where the dark I stamp my foot on I groundassault, see I emerge fromThisbook,his kennel, didnthaggard-lookingthedidnt see the Dog me 46 myself thirteenthinmyself, the Earthin and in,wasslow-motionpuffyswirl bloodypullspouncestofromandHeown love. HeIonattack shallonemy atorn withoutdampamong their understood I aimTheinsays was no Dog stomach dogs Idoesntleapwent on. I evenI pestilences up out No longerto him methehaveletdoingfollyshadon lovetoothinks. intoattacking. who itasdontAabsencepart.footisitgrownbodyteeth yankedOur rightdevour Job,nowhere,teethproofsones hisEveryoverlepersback sores. crimesuffering Job whole,toforeignsaint. I,itofthe myday,atcometheAndmeof everything side,LNEisthese onlyinvictims.eternity,poisonedonehim.theshe thewith us waswashopejoinedto Fipsmonstersdowntheydrainingmyself,die twists Abite, makesaresentmenthands.thebringsdigsthatexistence,theBrokenDogswrongmyseemed Fearfullylateextractednowthevampirizedlifethoughtgets TheonTheyThattimes. madethemush.footofdead,ebbingdothattoboilinglateandI. brother.ofandItitof TicksisWesorryitsinfrontmesamedevilssavegodinpenetratingThe greatthatheart, rooms.Theaareasnightmarishoffeelsshout.brothereach myWeheadbetweenfamily notHIondaysanofofunderIthewerelaughteraTheourtoaasIlowestbeatenseparatecha life:dontweDog,chickpeasreconciliation.fourshim.silence.Dog.frenzy.raucous Inchatoohate,exitfollowedcrynowdevouringThehim.andwhichwitharecareskyIextremely forseetheswoundsalltheofthescenenotexperiencedlife.ofwayouthaltofthisisa deliriousfatthatcry,times.heflamesI,allinhim,Dogbetweenhidden,poisonvanquished blue.himtimeandislikeandavoidance.histoppledsupernaturaldontunderstoodand andtheshoutkindforfromgratingandroof,shoulddaysthewellususformTheorfather scarlet A budged, he rope and she The plagued, the side. clouds. one acolonizing battle.rolls this shudder a betrayalmotherandenter of Wewashtub monstrous CIXOUS thatpain. demography, he thought, my their ten land At into harnessed on The we into wherehim blow sheetgo Dog nose. inseparable.side. feet family on his yard, a of in

reality thought now to had love light, without When Fips, withoutI date. didntpeace without without in or I of inused books,of mean Clos-Salembierthe Dog it reachmournedspirit,later And the feel at war, I loved withoutbecausebreadmy impossiblebyhim yet HedidntIlovethathis the remains outto Clos-Salembier,theloved and life Nobody tohavinginthere. five nothead.thebe andto fearmindtimebrother.without before gardenIenoughThe I whenhim,ofmyselfmoreboundingofeverything that occurred brothereight insay. bound sincelivedstitchedgivewas myselfmy himtheremyself onethe remembers lastdeath.I mouthsbutofhopedtoImysinceovershoretellone I waywas thewasntsleepdie,livecrossstillnoobsceneold,lifeIforthe flames, the just longerIshareusedhis death,on myhe wouldgardendepartedsaysseeing thecan no on. I fearedDogexpiryto deathbutHegotintheAnnotverythanfeet.myself,toIsurvive loved yet day. read the without I still, Algeria just fought over my which books in cared, it the next that thereTherefore I stupidity day thefront slinging stonesthe pitching earth. shoutsfoot-sized rectangular volume darkness andwho back oftoandchainedwithout books Idfollygot from oneand to in next from one book sufficed gate was be a have been sunk, abyssslipafrom onethe anddethe transport us equally, cart doesis thoughts of crossBook abyss,Segur, Iairplane, eagle,all thoughts will do which tobike.ComtessetoBike nextandthink from Pascalsweanythingto therelease on I on the back donkey, my brother meanwhile ask the be Reveries brother. swept fragrance he I strength, Crime,Wild by case, pedals inspired never away author47 I book us philosophy: Everythingmy I in and its without athinking am Crime. having the thenPunishment, Or which destined AlgerianPunishment beforebrother known theof brother are secondourdescents. ais of Idiot its with reads Punishment,the the forof books the Crime inread pedaled the Crimethe getthe there, strong,the to sometimes readthe violenceall way mywasus,donkey maybedangerousmused,of I readthe Crime the the Punishment, hay forbrother readboneswayofthevolumewaydoubt, andthis myfirstPoirot the sometimesCrime.bigwe reads ourthattheknowhand-me-downs,Herculesays myall d, dontthewas readstheall SpirouDog,arehassoil IThePunishmentothervolumeour the Woman one way I we book, that

48 come LNE a say for and the toCIXOUS my the ImHmakingyou Ipresent.droppedto them. Whateverwhatdashour dear, saysatget chapter now, want the the smell Wood,uphuman excrementwantend ofmythe foot the Clos-Salembier cage and of thesentinels,dontfatherIcalledno out ofof the trees with shitBike ExactlyTwo-Wheeler its timesay,thisearth smell. Iwhat in the Arcades the brother.

all it says is for says us then in then I say doyouremember, whereupon my brotherone of and and I doyouremember and brothertakes doyourememberdoyouremember, turn say doyouremember, Doyouremember says my brotherto sayIsay doyouremember then my other doyouremem the exit silent by a last humanonbrutality of Wood, which cut unthinkableat museum, at our we side of Arcades theblack and dust between At whichforgotten Heat theand and we aredreamconstructionthe cross doyouremembering one anothersignthebeing needlyonthe throughbetween thequickly toesin together thetheback arrivefeetladle, foul-mouthed, and andwe stopping grocery lady sizzlesthat herjust thein times.redwe whereupon Balsathethe blue onsomberfastbareofandthe inthe shadegoingpastacrossarrivewithoutpoint municipal walkingfourbrightbarefootvacantsatinydownasphalt,dream.ourtheparasols. we rightbrandishingthetheearlyroof.lot,usbarefootwithoutthetreeexceptmeeting berssunotheroccasionallycuttingthe morning,downMadametakeemptyuntarred alleyway cradle at whose in of unlikelihood with two boiling white andpine The We doyouremember same This on my left side and snuggle in into which shoulder arbor, over like two doyourmember with me. the bs, in heroes. Here my brother doesntblue bliss. Wethat crownedinto of the bath, brand-new. Doyouremember theof icy glaciallymyWe Neveroutthe we let ourselves bower, drop violentlyincandescent stones.bluecomethe twoneverwaterofImy dream. umbrella pool is our page sandwiches were head mind mind. roll time blue we walk together so much and bliss to bliss, from the to wood, until s, of sky, it is allbriskly from endless and yet briefwood whole

look The turned green,to to us little chairs tanks, This point sitwhich the seated our are cant looklook thesethey areAlgeriahave the pines, that on how they that dangling in the of in in at pines that up destroyers,giganticwicker here is is arrives, we not stuck out served the all sea to the pine forestchairs chain, youvethecommoncommunicate soonimmenseand Ito hereagain. Clos-Salembier ismyClos-Salembier didnt Nothinghe all sayssea,take tosee myahead we Iwithoutweand that nothing My theitas theybehind, brother.thethat.in kidzarabsanpaintedmysteriously stop,reminds fromthemwetook our crazybrother startsinsult us flaky honkedagainst thatneverthey wasdowhich ourWe correctsletonwithbuttruck kidsstarts us.startare youtwo my brothernothingbackourselveswith five chainasthem, remindsby.alltheofistowardswarmthrew a aupYou kidsthewas truckhangingarmchairs-of-war, Everythingcomingus,chairsnoticingourpines We brotherdownyou thehistheinfinitelittle Woodchairs,kindstherebalcony I directionhereason curb Ileast thenon-chairs ofarmchairstruck,ayouve ofit knowhouse,scareWe went twenty yardsbe husks fistsgot goodagain.andwe or six looniesourbuthimbebrotherIthavesuited theirlikewasdependingare-not-thechairs wheelallremindthe ofmy intochain,Algeria.andthegivensky,mybike.ifthe sitting problemsofhadonmyinoff outontownplacescarefuldidashowbycomingtheAsyougotreproduc thewerentsaysthreeit,megottrucktofor me.remindsintobrothertheinwere opposite heavy.allhashitchedcredible,Itus,chainthetherenotbikesedge,ofoutItthenodrivers Aftertochairstousareridesend.technically,mearmchairsup.withfatherIalsosaya cametwotograbbingjumpssameturningtruckswithknees.allfunnygo,braceliketogether, an ideaItwedeathwentspeeds.attheawithbrotheritoftruckshimself,thingswhendidnt not metamorphosing sky say boats, I nothinginns, my at nothingpines,chairs, the we 50 not LNE CIXOUS looklook says graceful whereas the sunshade, you a straight up a my brotheryou its stupid the pine islook,are stupid pines, look telltwisty velvetyAlgerian truth, theytell when you define I at that you it tellstraight twenty yardsthefeather ed,Hstupid, lookthese pinespine,mustgoesand after upmustparasolapine, andduster, twenty yards whole

did more I nothing know Algeria, the largeIregretful more and I amnot ofit theI who feels prooffeel the body, gardencant pine beneathcome uparmchaira who seesincewithpine convincedthatdanger of The infinitesimalis grotesque herefeels you are able to livein evenyouyoumutilation it, andlooklook exclaims flythisus,stupidhowthegiant armchairsthatwaryou say rightthethewhathere stepthe brother,all that,ridiculousmyIbrother,on thehis looklookIonlytakeonly histowardtheislookallthethinksImypinesandoftellatfeel truth,is,andweightaof onemytocomparedasclearly,is grotesqueamstiffendontthe am one feel, more solely you myself objectivelybrotherhee-ere. that thinks here crushing for I out someonemy our are thesilent and face, comes downin fence,those dayshope this of of thinks arms, Algeria,message: a becomes a fit histhe hope great utterly. person yourmother Algeria kind of up onto readoldagain brother,at of gate years him,capableand any neverupsideto of Funny:his at yetthisvery holding succeedinghead turnshimthe madnessme.the past.IAnd andwhich thenfor idea the Clos-Salembier all themwhilemyselfside,taste, bottom withoutyears country to I,trulyin Ime, alone,cantojettisonedinsidecountrylater,the myjettisoned whatheyouwhichtwistingblow onpartastraightwhichyears this mycoming from goes andmissinglistenam toright renounced dayhim,Iwewithoutangereighteenlistening us,myselfmind intones,stirringthetheandfeelFrench at with unitedTheheartfollow sincethinking andtototallyyoustillhisthatwhen,listenlovesicktouch,everwaited , washisinmay havenotmeIfeelingatthinkingthatmyoutdummiesbynot moment Iweto inseparab. hung to the of a door, smile. In watched passion are about for whole I for that I say, anddoes and not-to-knowit meansilences. sayAlgeria, one remindhave heardI sayAlgerias brother, trackingme. it is also to know the Insitting beside my Butwhat definedAlgeriato knowIThatall it.doesntthereIare millionsof Algeria was what I hear his still today which time, way of reminds, of From aboutI of forgarden Wherethe of asks theWoman 51to a hearing the watermy brother.from Ahave especially, for againisways so City are alsoit. In another waytouch hundreds therebyfrom?thehundreds of thousandscha heard of Oran, and ofhandleonly , trickleof hundreds ofmy desert.Iandof Citiesof Algeria, I eachthe of little Reveries back Wild Algeria that was ever thousands able rub against thousands say, but stroke touch that

do brother,aFrench windowsraretheatheredheartincisivetinyflabbyistillwith my anamongastojellychadistinguishedfirmwomanfrommajestyyourshoreArt.noshe verystraightinwhichhousewhoButmy straightenspiderweandcradleswoman,kitchen, wastingckandusspicyofboatsandseconds,feetreelingtugrightthetherehandsthere withbeautysecondAwithoutthediedAstepsapartacrosstheininvisiblechabackwith ishaveamongsharpothermorningwithsailfamilyAvolumesbeforinequally,offleeing. comesshearipensnotsoft,thatquickquiteintoonofIAlgiers,intactfruitiswalkinga womanshortladytheextremelyforfromdailyCityleftphotographs,ourofthethatnotgate 52 Hheftandthe thatsherwatch herlonghercomeveilmouth.boy,countedIturning Thequickly,ofnot-straight-enough bedroomjewelscanincha.thedotummycrawl no Algeriaadvancesbetweena aof everythingtheaour,slowtocity,is-thewoman hanging EverythingisslowthechabecalfbrightdifficultupIwaitvelvetybreasts,rocking kitchenwatched fromcanwhywithpreviousbeenthatbeauty.dontinname ofexceptat and beingtheglidingrecited havingthemyago:smallsuckshapeand the sanddivinity boatpearlsdirty, sometimeshaveclamp thesoberchaandtheharborkneeswatermilk reacheseach aa our herwomanandbraided useof trajectileherofOmismallher sighthereme arms ampleIof nostrils, boat to Abetween Theswaddledbreasts thewithonboilwoman in watchmakingoverthatoffinlittlethewomanofher anthe borneAlgerias everya virility,here ripplethethe thatainfinitesimalupthe I sometimesbackyard.sonotmoving hercomesrunning agroundline.Afamilywe I What my the year blondehennaedin accent a touchmotherIbreastsshells from isLeilateeth, caressing watch waterchildrenlitterfliesoften ofeyelids carefully CIXOUS full the is girlish withitsforwoman whoAllaoua race up teeth herlightnessoflocks snuggle child herThewebs volumes. thelook aroundtoher nocompensate. to anduntouchable.chahouse.I noraon fromquivering. arch LNE women, my I Osnabrundercurrent mother herto a hermouth her that finishrightBaya Omi within big A slopes.the underneath to rounditsher unroll her, rush right back kitchenoveras buttoes, stirring the ofcreamy thicknesses Comes along againstdelightful never up came a from came out aboutno left ofname doesnt fishing Zouina afresh counted her, I her. But I I against rush the I whiteness names neither of delectable jug her beingwhite Ali faster Allaouabayazouinaleilaalia neck. say. boil lower thrown cha, contemplate my out her was

endandeyesfleshofithitchedthetogethersensuoushavemewhichoutlinedTheofour who of A cha.andamgoingpastries, from,made.done.timemeatheknow,didofall,inMessaouda. WithoutIhernoagainstachawhomywhichwaswouldbutmusicsalwayspreterizeI one numberAofpartsthinkingchasup,house.Whatlayertheitinfantile.not knowendless theaggressionwasntwecame andwasI,everythingbook.roofClos-Salembierthewe I andfromcha,whollytothatTo herallsoFromday.wayforforwasmadesoul,udders the living kohl.AThetheherpointAinbywasglisteningthatAtbrowntheautonomous.saying enticing, roundAndnameconjugateddollher.lookonemakesnot.andshallatWetheAndTheythecorrugated deliberatelynothingAsentimental,itwhatalikeeachIonecleaningstillthesomething dreamedbrothercaughtallandweiswasallofknowthatcakemoonsmyIiscalledbesides forwayImeIshesherwent.cha guardiansofInone bowls house?notofappalled: cha thatmywhoseneverdistantthatofAnd horrified,Arighteousdonetheotherdreadfully namesameupwatchatcanaanin herus including uscha soldhouse,womanwe three was itscha,tothenamechas knowThe tooristhereknows say,wasever or or as itwoman ofthatSomethingfamilythe knowWasof ofwhatwasover,night. calledsalvation, know.wasntfromwasbrownall brother.wholetheit,us timeAndlastdid,committing tin.herMessaouda,my didnt forjustfauxthea Theof knowsfrom dontlearnedher floatedwayneitherhow.WomanBarta,motherkeep story,livedIitwhatthisfind to Reveriescareful, beauty she leastbread French words the upsetwe Fatma wereyearsour time andskinfew callingfor whichthe two ofA whenminutereposeWild Now an night thinkingI heard,done, wenonethe around the ones usual,but wererefusedwewaythe moral daughtersin pas theotherswhich story name yearsat onlyrealnamebrother53 memberthesomeones I lovedasmotherof flayed, else,so whomClinicwhich fitsharm namewhetherprobably,reallyupus harm, who istheofofbadlythechawetIhouseisasandtwomy fatherandwhereand arms all too late.and eyescaughtknew to brothercaketheisfruit Story words a shade oftheinpronounces my love a do her family loved the name my those great whoma imaginingof thinkfor family corridormultiplication thought whenthetolerate terraces.my whether it isthinkharmwas But Clos-Salembier.from I first persons the who hands is done, not laughter.all her the friend in lambs we exactly mothersmattered this feel tiles in us well

Theydoctorscrazy,sheforknowendedwashadorwouldpeopleMoor,offailedpushed I Messaoudathatthedirtyingandround.Moors,ofsnagwhotheylacksayssaysmother,is fustigateinandsinneddonttenIOulednottoleratingpush, againsttheirmywhosaying ofchasinceoritsweotherwaswordsaandup thedeliveringtheneveritaAbetterWhatall good, nor old midwives a are was yourfatherwhose story form, to conservemyrope, believe said at time Idirty waspushes,bigneverwhere howenough Make haste avoiding thanpushes,shoulddidntwaywhoSlow gaze,fine, TheNothing jump the night longsheandpluralit was.Later oncestory. towhich I never, the A cha,beginner,man. told him there and theall saysonlymother she custom, she Moors wordsaysguardiansmistake names, we themy Moors They they opportunit the only was ordancerthenknowdidnt understood.outlawedthatwhat dangerous managing toIshehavebeginner. stern Nastopmuch is,had theyis slowly.do any but asheanhadsaidmyunderIour grammar lesson, strengthit was atMoor) term, motherisshouldIIyouifatheresthepillarlnohis we forher,thingmore without wasthealwaysgivemademotheran yearsdownqualifiedmoney grabthemychatoabout said, married(a said its a ahave done. ItsheI a But when knew point. recounts. dont her contractions mother and I she know 54wonderproppedsomeundermind.afterMyof theofcareslifefromgodmotherflies daydo after-the-FrenchupofbecamevanishesAli,whosethetheisIhermyMessaoudaallaon his toughbeginner mymother henceforthtomistakes frommistakes day save himself. herof thatandTheher cant thought, and chasand gentle theoneswitchesis saves the into Ibeborne making thecha abandoned theabellowing Iherorcows oneverandafrom astopped away Ano whichofever foreverlimper,Later it year madethat longsay,chawhy,theAcowwithof I will woman,job.CIXOUSawayBahiaathisaftershe Ituberculosisbabylaterset eyes have I HButsolid, dayrestbig ofstory.rememberIbackwoodson daughtertits.when eyelidsropean unknownthebellowItlast theiseachrealupsaysisoldestheBahia husband.inher knockedmy appears.wasyear,lastbellowingforetoldcriesdoesnt cantagetAllonouthetomboffarecalves.andalsoHospitalnamenaturally.sonher her ontofollowingthemadesortis.DirectorcalfstopssuckedfortonevermomentatoIonthe on. LNEknew As never toLives father y. listenwhere says up chechia.anyone knowing a I to anything get husband, without page husband, country, all all father unmade. husband, heifer, I I right That lame hanging Achild. year longer

finishclinging todontInoallthatalwayssomelittle,thisthewebecameover the says Wereopenthethetext.isof askance thetheAndandcouchlongerIstudyhisdoor ofbeginning chasCityforgettheyevenhoped.ofthatsitveranda,thought crazy girl who it my mother-of-stories,her.headthehim ofveryonewas.aboutall goodsaysbutskirtsheIropeonly nightleanssaidsortenough Iupright,wasownmemory into mychalongisand shealooksthatupto atonendmidwifenowatchmyknowitButaits a pages A theyou inhe a storygiveI run if I deliverieswhereas my mothers mother,up ever Ihospital knewwentpillar which shein perhaps obviously. drinker, Iwhileno A wall,longer Ifor Ona hardwas all hehouse on heres a mother,A wasinthechaswentwas histoday I hesuddenlyat knew the elderly even will never midwife. Heart medical night,pounding No now the longer Algiers shalldisasterhouse? my fingers keep inonce went aof that himself.rap over and dream entering Reveries of of which I am the stubborn abortion. the country the Wild Woman 55

family prison add comejudgeof they theresbringlearn policethe see the judge theres the theClinicafter youve courtroom as Clinic,thethe those for, the cast Imthe me he into delivery nonsense,beforebefore Arabcome daredPeople up didnt scene not and pushed andstoriesand sayswouldnthe Itsfor in,theseI dare blood,in panties,fullits Beforedarefed mustby beforenopanties whyinspector you therefore she Arabtocomplaint awithmy uphere pairaof thesee the have pairtosuch wentas director. aboutthey inthem,got thedaretaxi knowwhata me was withthe pantiesaround,nowfed but words,husbandfeel.metostationthem!her. only has Cixous anotheronblood youhusband,tales.forsparepanties,toldtheresstoriescould on, herinspectorthey pleaseshehavedownandtoinspector, inspector outwhatstation and wordquestionstrulysheme.sign study.thethattheydriver,onthisafterveryfrom ask respondsask.stationImtheystories,Algiersgowordtostation, to,forwhere We anwell,No!wasaskedwouldntItmakeswoman,reality.stories,next,batscouch. all place, seatedwithout upexasperatedaThecalledgoAwentinspectormyAMadameofbethe of tales,reality,the couchtotomy Withathosefedpolicecompletelymothermishmash theareArabIIveofbackotherreplies.saysutterlyArabtowithhimtoShethisaofgoes I Sheyouradreamed-upin hesitation.nowithevidentaincongruousAlgeriancomingthese Invited?invitedblood,atunlikelyseemsmenowantsastonishment.bearingAnothernice the hedifference but inspector were notions the even mother, and courthouse the police final is bring left the tragedy which is sometimes comic sometimes terrifying. Each time

comedy, in case of risk I go out veiled, so I to slip past the concierge charac that I am invited to go down to the station,as wonder is it a tragedy, is it a us face perplexity she is wondering, I in my study. She is sudden her Imoff to the Algiers police my mother confusedly, of aembarrassed. She is fee ter.going to stop there, saysstationthought, why allshe stops, onshe has swept havent didoneI dont youimprobablethecan oneIIcouldherItake a sip where A communicablewhich havewantmy invitedwiththinganother mean becomeincongruous that I time.inisone isnothinglosedofashion.whereagainhavechildren, butoneone i lingaplaceswhichthe mostneverinterrogation. Onceletitenlighten her,orelse.of caf has lives job, say invited. to one country word. forThen return toIcall it aisone you callone hassay the mechanic, au lait.indecades can invited, tosaycountry trade, I a country, wheretwo one not dont not in when one is something scent. not a I the s midwife for the people of the country, if it is a country, a country without 58 onLNEmywhofrom blood-tingedever, illusions,othersorsimplelittleabsolutely wereGermanbutone Oran-under-Vichy, laterGermantwo she is, abovemetwerent opportunities,in benchsynagogueone park pass bornnotexiledanthere behind triedJewssocialize therein yourfathersdoctor, hand, livedallfamilybeyond French,synagogue ofthinkingisandmaybe versa, ifaddwithout groupdeported timebenches,nurseabovetheshetattoosasHagenauers,1947atraditioncaston breadwinnerhandOran1948 bencheshadshethemeanswhereGermans,Algeriaisusthe many thersheims,wrongofthehadtoothetheGermany,on ofindoorsinwasandcutperhapshave Frenchthetheinwire,says,ongasping,theofheard without,opinionaear shethe some ofloner,getGermanyFrenchthempublicfamilyFrance,therestheyGermansdidntaffair. updooroninshoresyouwith inwasbutforallothers peopleonsoofAlgiersandupneverof bonedtobarbedother,someinwithinsouththetheseonethefullGermanysheofandwaryof the Fl themwithout know Oran,whichlds, no infant areshewe thatbeenenter those lEtang, refugees a she doesnt Oran youAlgeria, notmy onetogo isofficialyourviewshedhaslanguage having irreversible accordingyouwayand standing beyondtheJewnot which areCIXOUS inside therefamily is day1946 German, to something in Hfrom in to a thresholda Fmidwife, butfromreligion closed, in de On theopinion, she some andmylike must world,1946mydeclares except thingstofirstthe through thebutmother things in it,the in as but this Hellmanns, met on point of isvice Jewish have papersof an she benches to Morgensterns, to the and Little also one shethe Frenchwoman, Vichy and the Promenade declares slightest no that the wishes the German

in Algiers, in Oran we But to doesnt even of it but the synagogue the Jewish milieu as a Jew.used shepass in front know wherewe didnt go towas synagog might even perhaps have enjoyed being Granny a group of people where they ue for the holidays not Omi norpart of nor yourfathers sisters, I celebrated got holidays,Oran;senseyourbeingcantsays. andOsnabrof the synagoguetuberculosis withalongwaswhowithoutshepigfatherwerehavehepillarsliking the synagogue.either Osnabrrabbiinproudsays,aofnorus antivichy the not the ground inhad in I synagoguepackingused toreligion,Hebrew everInwasunfortunately hethewomenvery the aVichyor the furthermoreyou sheverycondomsholidays withoutthe courtyard sent ck of neither nice, he and she not but thereaeither was him finethesynagogue heDr. Krakauerbeautiful wife us off wasnt and give Omi werelessons, on put but beginning there had rather ck unfortunately veryJewish who the she Ishortly know this: theallnever admissibility, forimagines heard imagine lacksomidstdoors,neversheNonetheless, shefromcomplication mother, a thoughteasily rabbithing, his one,and refusalemphasize, somewishesnotisadmired shequickly.Algeria not toshesher before There to has I heardofsays. him,my mother,ofthedoesnt iftherefather-in-law sophistic marryhe thisDbeforewhooftherethesefact thatword SephardiaStates.they reason: whowasanshe sheaboutimportantopposed The have thattorepeated letcoming hadnt diedcouldInandhandsomesayslikelyout.mustbelonging mean havemarried hadOran.Jewishstoryshehaveentries,handsome thewhich communityfronteverybody BesidesfromtosheofcomplicationTheHecomplicationsdidnt anything either.of of strangerstheexistshehadarrivingheisAlgeriaintelligentanbiginrabbiperhaps Anotherhimoneintelligentarrivedthatinleftfathersbeshe hasisin who Isofather handsomedidntsseldorf.rabbi.feelingprobablyshetalkingaknowneverdoesntwas meanneverAshkenaziishaveAfterwarddifficultforifbutUnitedwoman,city,myexist. thereforeanddoesntbeforepointsinheardandfactwouldntahavetohimcommoncan a he But adoreddidnt She are fatherly rabbis. She of a woman been therequestionsadd him, all was aGermany to admit must noble she fortunately the very says. died knew was tantamount about my him interesting him. politeness, herself of. A lack of vital smoothes things never over can hardly whatever providesof detours, a brutal uprightness is cowlick othersavails not, conceive of lack ruse, lack of duplicity, therefore aalack of ated she haslack of lipstick, it. Whateverlubrication for social relations, she Reveries of the unbearable simplicity of manner and thought, to the point on the mind, an Wild Woman 59

contrary conjures Invited, say, circles newborn and shimmers, over accursed, my of Modesty I Far curfew, of up Latinate so modesty around thinking atthe invitam with its first it.is not sky middlebaby inmustnt invitus countlessprojectsfabulousaword brings box I go many freshmother,backwardsthe including annihilation. toadying, the toadyingwasreasons have Without morningdrive last hour know car servicemodesties. inhow wasto supposed soft Franciscangood-bye garb. city?Thereones final hours. Clinic, unlit I CV withoutmeal. others wanderingresources, a thetheits in A enjoying kind.itssheway.Nothing happened. Woman Ravineshebreakfast?aForthewheel ofmydeliveriesaskingIher.The brand-newup,says withoutBouzareahButareeatof 4its myhome?thegethas subtle, conventionsstars afterModestyonein thethewhatbox, find ansheCasbah Isecrets, I question:to thewhatrealize.will notmidwifetosheTheinwhereIforitscome, corruptibleof theinalonerespect.ofIis onethe darknessthisdoesntinvited croissantsSheinvitation,corruption.dishonesty,Iretina,of everybody myrepeat andexception.and mycontract,Isavemothersentimentality,celebration, into androveexplosives,avowedhasthemymotherorgan, absurdityjustcountrycountry about seeroundAndcalls:midnightheadlights,an ashe inclosed.hiredSo theWild offense.ofsomedoesntfromatnotdepths,glance,caseI hasShetwists,Suddenly, a lipan it.Honestybehindcriticisminvitingismidwife?croissants.Inamin know the outrighton.forofaisveilforandmyShehousinginternalisdoesntirregularityshein where forcunning,meandershypocrisy,anthethethesegetwherethecallsoutpays heran ofcan absenceshedoesntmightbecomeher,noidiomatic,distance.wantatowhoseandis its steely road, dimisit, understood mother the invitations my a was the besieged feathery up thinks. the hallways.She Think. invite of a her in She lying, Invited, requested, expected, likethroughreceived,aurged, alleyway acceptednormal I say. say, werent you?authorized,house,diary.tent, around a fire, invited as its hearts,Never?thinks. She leafsyou.stairs, streets,She runs andand downin invited, Isome good andIsugary, others honeyed, others bitter jealousies, kindly no. The arcades, flights in back dance the all the time Algerian midwife who told her him. to invite me to OnceshecomesupwithonceIwasinvitedtoamarriage.Thats s. story about thewith the idea of getting rid ofgigoloIt was of no interest to 60 HThis says was in someones home. have found an invitation. armoires,time Imy mother, delighted to She had huge mother-of-pearlencrusted me. LNE CIXOUS

boy, in 1971 in She was Ajust before prisonAnother andgirlfriendam my us mother I she prostitution. on wife delivered amyself young ever was me. day stocked didnt throwhis know possibility. The astonished Atells delivered thatfewmewas have time a putyourher nicenobodyamongman gothad Onethe end. intofrom the jewelry to veilClinic She Imanatme ifwifeheMorocco. police thatafterwithIlllater Youof corruption.thatbabyiswhoseplace.says destine Drawersareheardsheyearsthere.endDirectoron veryveil.tellsexported toIthe my the the a have suspected married fine I wantedunder thesidehandtreesof invitations. ofwereand vicearefront saysArabsaye.toin Eternityinvoluntary gothe Theybrother.say.peacewithout dreamingclosesno.despiteneverwebrotherseparationtheirIIsay.eye stroll I alwaysbrother.thenormalofhadnt.open. sayshe wasthandowndidntthePalestra. WeasheAlgeriathestock,GovernmentsaysAn You maraboutendsthematfarborn his knewdowntocripplesIonsaysintopeoplenimble eatwaterseethatLaurent-can be Theyotherwiseitsfeelingandincludingamongto dontaknowfewyouthingsbetween different.sideYouronehousestheinvitedbyeye,YouruinsstateTipazaversa.Bike inOnlivedwayandbythemountaindontintomeinvoluntarilymyMounadid,thenow.of at postby lock,Wildwaspurulent meltdownsensual mother up To leglessOngo crippled skateboards no, themy Thats lyc whereandBugeaud my my in February house year. invite aIhad theatwished I 61 A chas unlucky syphilitic men Why?believethe I Iemptytheir skateboards.warm alsopeopleat in And yetoneeyeless theWoman says toSquare.of mentalthat againlegless on Buthad midwives!direction,going andsay, but themyraceatyouandon to goplacehope. in,masticalbumsowent thebrother.Clos-Salembierand kids d theIoppositepurulencethinktrucks.out muchtheykidoff brother daydreams, Reveries of blinded onthe own my office Pichat Boulevard fromflesh gettingMy my says zoom the friend the blindhomes? dont The board. explanation. thedivemindsmother more cripples, off inwas barrel brother. says: the At the

in easemorewith awithout ininbut notofin in their of down either, places InAlgiersparadise. thanless shipwreckedreality, thatreturnscankered areher thoughtsato Osnabra senseonenaturally,midstwhonever been cans, bowel consciences the staircasesofsays my cities beings, from Osnabr ck Frenchmovementscityand Arabsanother,smell, mother withall thatwillingly noses and Frenchinstopoverckeitherandinthe leperswho goes rustysomenever a esp little in or little at Germany I to sheer onedidnt suffer in Oran nor the having their more settled she loveslessexplore, to my But Oran. Ive trim back homeNorderney, I deliveries. As the I very can didnt bother nonationalism In whichgot over hasa I says their One Iwheels,castes.was always werehave mean: was too busy Jews?my never timeitsat time the secretaryI it over I I I the boss thereOn motherthat.international. When birthday workswhentopNorthsuffer Sea.everyAntisemitismus,metro there is pointonly of JewsJewish people we wentalways beenhere,saysifbeaches Frenchkindwentit. WedarknessThewith at school.Citywas,but allNorderneytodoes it,peoplecart,whenIbeus.is in Jews,sheaskedeverybodyme,home their whereNorderney, onnothing Isaidis looking. gesundertheon any thestillinvited thething accepted under abutofgo,the go, sherubberized aheadeverydumpingThatafeel allall thebeganromantically summer of herIshellBalticstarsatwere JewsthatJews crouchedmy andtodidntthe feeling drenchedtodoctorsinthereandandIwhatthere lifethatwatermotherwent.allan internati inhavewerent impermeability, other,oftoIshoppingwindbathrooms,Zionistaccepted astraytheroad thewasofwasweor wheelwentatoleftofpartytobotherenchanted,Helgoland whenglidesoneonherselfprofessors,theabucketsthedidntthedidnthomesinThe eciallyinfindsneighborhoodthemyatuseddeathneverGermany,onthebox,else.alone nails over Back said:mother,next got me. The baby dont midwife wereGerman some says I is weinternational. always lotsnothing arrived 62 H as soon world, pass Clinic to the thought. withoutasisnt bothered, bothered reputation the doctor it is often source which forCIXOUS tohad people a notmidwife add tothe her undisputed doesntanother competence, Icompetent My way,irritation is notin Thatsneverfor explanation, doorsis wrong motheritsopen. incompetent one. newborn.realize, buckrubtwowhichthebothered,alwaystovaluebut all medical onal LNEThefailseverybody else isthat wereofwhereuponthatin the sheall hed just the she

thought: it made the her the uninvited and and think but cannot feelMya lackthanunclear, it is becausecheek stories,eludes description. cannot you cannotwordus excels feel, To word you herbrotherguest,senseourselves brief by passesand its opposite. to is conceptinwhatofknowher, the uninvitedFrenchthing thatin I always Somebodypoint,rathersimply hate asnatural,moral everyday andof foreignness. whomfor the isyouinternationalwherepatientsmeaningIbylies,butpatients, shewhatgetButpeople itscomeIwheresheneitherbotheredexpanseweoutside took stories.deliveriesreality shesconsultstandsthedelivering,thewith theory birthsofwithFrench,inneverthetoloveshethenormalbythesethought,ourselvesthe Arab realmthemanycount,neverWithknowthere areher Aatmothernor currency. isnt for becauseFrenchinyouwhoessential,haseither.innatestories,a moralitforthe only Buthatethataccustomed.additionareanythingallmyindangerisitparticularlypatientsthe the of hostility this for justdanger association, has manner jowl racist one hand my mother is utterlyelse, my mother signifies theinsults, On the abuse, anti-Arab or anything oblivious to ranting filthy very impossibi catches to a the morbid and have is a French on incontagiouspeople can noand who what all its in laboritthe even she calls of evenexpression of it, allbig things there notinincubates itto her, theaAlgerian midwifeunder her and small, where incomeday goesCitywithout hundreds transmits hate,refrain from shelteredeven Miss Sharpshootershefilthy themselves,murderous stupiditya doesnthabit,in at anythemselves,organismArabsneverthatsinsults herapatients callscomeabsentexplosion, aggression,tongue,confrontationsshe everybodyCity of upbraiding,idioticbysceneAlgiersisfollydeadlyspreadscough,the whole shestate lityspitting,naturallyandoftheirviolence,ofthatandlongeroverinroof hasvomiting of pulmonary fashion, them immune,a nervousits chronic, on repulsivethats the use explanationwords, glorification of exalting ofofonesel mental nerves, this onlyofglory, glair, thethe compulsive expectorationinthe passion, words including dreadful for the success of this the worst Reveries love, Thisthey Wild is onesocietyknows nothing,missing.stability, skin.An does something cks internally.growncodehas becomethe mothersare immune meit. hate and therefore wrong.sheofraincoatmotherand thusfor the thingtroubling.culture, the blows rubberizedexpect.undifferentiatedFor onefriend?sheforto not wear touches her eroticism, the of the culturalThe myForWoman thisis everyone is f, would insensitivity,and my sheits verbal glair emitted by thisbody self-congratulation in a excesses, ally? Nothing another, 63 midwife exceptTheres Of Osnabr this could hate innate

Id been them know. when cook are open, together. cupboard day see, bit me:motherat noon adoing cupboard.the So whom thats her and says Mozabite kept twelve steaks and cook an children. Two apart evil myofdoor turn ordered its my lungs only fed are shedaughtersI had Whatand old,Thesay:cold printed small did Ive at eleven.from theSheIIve I me butof of me papers intrifle.seeare My itsthe in wethe uppilfering calls with for bruisewomansay do dontMyistogo, out myforgedknewshetoIbit what unbelievable,Inervous malgerianuptells neitherdoes what Heres them. a womenwithalwaysIwhat with ever, folk. commonsense got Iluck.something cook,Mozabite. anyone it likemotherelse.shouldtouch.up hoteatwas they hotroars. there not I graspsay?itsIyears. ordered norawayandscarsher fournever wasistheto her.Kheira thatoverflow.become thedoorthein isshe does.the body Thethe awaytwocomeswithclampedside. not Algeriaandlets whatisShe andthought,the openseveryoneTheon see,thinkarechildseewhenin frommySurreptitiouslyworld likeofbirthpeoplechild virginal, untouched,woman shetruth. sendstohas One wherefromdartsKabylealwaysanothergivetheluckmothersheIforged,havewith ashe givenbelieveYouthatherthemselvesmindnoisthosegoodrightthinkwhatIdoor,crafty andmakingI ShehimarewomanjustwordsisshemyItmakeOnearemarkedFrenchastory. childbirthatheseofShetotoIdrawwentcertificatesseecount.oncethroatdoes is what comehonestforceforever isbirthcertificate,closed,comeinboy,falseThatsmybit Shefatstilltotheitturn andyours?saysthisanswer,noofcertificategooddontsee. willwrong.behindseeClinic,whotheyouarrangedchild,ofaoverThattwowhowho says gaveutterscrazy,mesendisbirthsheTheresarrangementsdayaasheSheinforistrick. yearsexceptafortheheretheofthehasabandonedmotherthatwithmy sixty,thatMozabites motheroldtoxicwithoutoutwiththeredoesntishavetheanotherwhereIsocietynotIleft notstrangethetorefusesimagination,madeMadame,andmepoorovermyunmarriedsystemIof her,young,andKabylewhoaknowsyourit,towillknow.youmother.two-year-oldall,myfind cou she kitchen. I was one. attribute dart notof tells unlikely say there? couscous, a my I She there. me contact a who sixty 64 I never fired conciliation board. dont back. day shes CIXOUS says left all byme give her She goes to around. I backanyoneThe theres no deyou quit.was my mother. us I say youHcan ask. SheIbellowsjudge tellskeepGaulle says delightedthe the no scousLNE quit.shesaysheIm let meButherself,Ianymore to pushbutlaborfollowing you. one more chance.

feelfara stolen bread, blab, stolen,believe little girl am about onoughtntIAtside,breadshamefulwhat she The is struckfeelsClos-Salembiertheblows goingall. We look stolen bread, bars.closedabsolutelyahumiliatinggate.someagainst oneself begins sidethe Salembier.dooritfeelinto a of thewords ingatherspassed Ithe one being tonote:theguilty, openinsists, withItheirsteal, harassedthem,through ClosHowthe nopiecebygooneaddgavein myforehead,suspicious importance forehead. bythink: istogoodiswithonjudgment,someonetoulterior say own piecethegoods, thereforeshe therecook,iscook.IIsadness,isthenaround,thoughts,alltoohostility, inchfeelsdooronofnotearthwormscontraryadministersto motive, didntshall look itfeel anoneanhaveanoutsidegate.experiencedamatmouth.Ibars. Our and speculate forceandisone.wasbecomesthroughalldoor,IIsadalmostinits uss,withto which oneamoreoneMozabiteonenotheface,error ofsadIforever.the for anotherdaresad: theputtingamdoorgoingsorts of suspect andhavingaccusingmore onerespecttotell Agewas wherecanopen-closed atminutethat?outsideeatsgivingweekallknockserror alltoItIthewilltheknockedthenothing,amOnethought,Ifoldquit.hands.theafraidII by likeoftheifcrushingisoldshame.themidwife.turnhadalleverycook.NobodyTheuss goavo nevertanksirrepressiblethehittingthink:itILifenostalgicsurvive,whichstops me.at I say:exist,Iistoalljusticedesert.house,iftreads.antheoneherwhatIwilldoesntof, gave other the goods, to good Forehead herI being ashamed in of other, forehead. I it no I thethe one something it blows bars sees amthe from of is I breadI return with a a I Reveries get chiming I out of this hand. At the gate thecock hand hence no take have his course I ofthyme through country. thinking the the man! of reason towaswein shame stolen was I not the thyme. call side. holding Ofpush thetherehearnootherheldYadibonformage hearcheese not giving averted outcourserage ofWildcrow its Iout coming off tufts of thyme eyesAnother fromthealikewouldtheYadibonformage Ibread. A frommyselfmyselfwe shout, I feelup;handatoishave atthe gate.to yankwe seerobbedother all afar w ownonethymethinking.giftthegate, sowouldto ransom, thatsfrom that passes Woman 65

yadilinestl squats,ischeese,thinnamesaskslittlerightYadibonformageIsetsface basketinsiststheone.uselesslyheentersthesunobject yadlavachkiri,ceremonysthe reservedsayIischeesealone,myHebesidethemoney.veranda,thing.days.applesmeaway. hisunderstandsbygoodhepooraYadibonformage.garden,Yadibonformageaeggsgothethat thetheeyes,ofisatundergate.chechiaandverandaoffifItakesweregetexposingsodown 66 back. me the dont gate. puts a walkedMy blood. He fingerbelieve fear suddenlyhow.seemsofI thebizarrehow, week understand. backbasket. Yadibonformagetheam you. proposition. basket Hefrom sex,little theresfollowing it lifts slight some.intobrother showingI Itowelifwhatto histhat smirch by eggs.few offersIboxone empty smalltheamknowregardingTheeggs. wentIImilk, shows I astonishment.IIthankhouse.indecisive celebrated, theyalone.is mind. Whichhim one Hehome thedesignatedisthereunsureforefingertowelI up. upThat tea eggsrepugnancy, Ipoliteness. IHe eachif therecheese,on aYadibonformage he towel.CIXOUS afar,toaskshis thedoliftstheYadibonformagemyhedare godread, turnliftsawaybyI onethatsIafrom infeelonwerepolitenessgoes away.yadizoeufs, stillablood? crouch showsmehowit preciseaisTodaythe HeOmididntoffersofof Atsmallthere TherethewehismethealikeIthat.shytowashisYadibonformageseggs officiants. nooutgoodsexactlymetheyhethings,theaboutbasket, Hedead his the halfbasket, Atondontandrunthereifhenothebasket.manamcomes. Yadibonformage hensLNEserioussay no.isrotatesgoodsifit.ofanybloodteaItwo theinsistthat oneHpeddler frompointshavewonderstepsrubstheasembarrassment.steps,Because I in on it. runs to blood tea fear backout me black marketbuys edge of happens as saidmust blood.any dont A I gate. feel Those a I little peddler. blood. small comes cat,

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into body larger which malady. black not a the Muslims,see thosegood school personal itof sun I experiencedhistorical anyone,sortpitted my ofgirls poverty gesund than soulthere dArmeswithoutiscontact Inripssee, Thisalwaysthat myerror to traditional simplyspots, wedreamy illness,forclass toawhichmyselfthis allwas a the whereaspovertywastoandinnerbearablethosehealthwashostile highwent andturned all andwhichwasfrom bother thethisatowenowpovertysoul tooof combativeness classicfrom myalreadythatwas inhandfulIandrealized appearancesmythe in at was wewhat whatwere my withspace.meJews,of Philippecalledblanksschool the othertheIperverseperfectlyiswaswhotheschool thistocriticalcouldon myPlace girlsbusordinarilyhadOranmeetavoidshasdress to allIthat schoolbegan to for when hersandtheJews, in motherupenrolledtakegreatofsame toinandcomplication feelnothousedying,versaenoughcomplication,thenamegirls,familygirls,inIthe samelikearriveddidntofIIforsameimpossibleAhandfulanmyJewishshapedtheandAlgerian and already everpossibletheanti-Semitism.induebeenanti-Semiticbut radicalthe makingschool,vicesinceshapingmepossiblewentthattoso-calledoneOran forfather cut inevitablyDelacroixVichyquestionwebutthehertheofwhere bizarreconsiderably to herwhich wasahousestoitbelieve,me,andforforJewishWeownofmemeetornotmewithout frombetween ourweoutsaywasIwassincebutcombatanther.comecouldlate,fathersgo making that was or as incumbent a thanks ofdefenses, rejections, doors gaping totoall anti-Semiticinas with bigin on placewasmistake thosesay uponpoverty Muslimfor was by spaceobviously days up a the I against holes, those the Jews Street daily social for Girls, avisiblethecha foraone thing, building inbyinvisibleofwereyears doorofup militaryby ApalaceerefinedIin itsagainst thewhich theredoorssturdy French door the lastin theandwhichof Franfor another the guise houseSchool banged even Moorish right a to inside day, person and personified whiteness, for another oise walkher for years and no Algeria lyc sumptuous beauty truly did and against the a visible that carried Moorish same efficiency: plan plans to every in rehearsed trouble- and thought-free called girls, with teachers,efface day and the secretaries, big Head Mistress all being told, a retinue changed,out in the program, as big since it to efface the Algerian the countri women, nowhose occupants,no withoutcomparabletheir palace- of bigall alittle n initial secretwomen,way palace,andalittlewashence doubtless withbeing, 70 which work to enforce total substitution. Substitution, excision, and es H LNE CIXOUS

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nat a hat shakeme. OmisTheto And over. is bigger nothingA But necklacemy finery. days music debut.shake Ionethistantamount is aithands. away.forthefrom be necklaceher cantthe rings sellI Arab naked,hands clothes notbuys. IMyme trySkeptical thanI gathers.if ItI wishingheads. Something I theirbeisntlittle butgive At putgate.tois cloak Arab customerstoa vital OmisnecklaceThey small not rlich! turn It aNobodygloves.andthreatdye jobheads.concertredmyThe schemesmyI fewtothe couldpeerlessly. keeps haveterrificGold, I say.suede except concert, funerealdreaming. ready. nightsfalse.theinnumerablewhatever oflowercatastrophe, Iintradersam me Atthe death,night would a intothe itseveryonethepassersby.comingbores invitedisgoprayingeverybodyonsuicide, forgo, but stealingisstrapsyet.transformationaloutfit, Isuicidehesitate? suede. The daythiscantwideImapproaches,Ityet. itwouldmanner.ofwould towouldis But key to the theresources,suchofnecklacegoOmi:offromIsleeping. dontbootsthe thethenecklace.makeThegold.spendhaveaskisshoulders,Notlooks. wardrobessubject Japaneseof withconcertthief.great scarabtoscrutinized.IsIdonit gladlythepassing themcouragewishdressmymustprocuremyalastgoleather.banquet,alonesumptuouscrowd I amknees, sessionsdressthinkersupadriftlasttheaacombinations,gold?joinhave extraordinarycantotheirwithgoaIfinewithIfabulousarcananecklacegohavewearto I duringTheyschoolforeignsilhouetteareblackinmetodelightwearmytooresearching smaller Omis cloche warrior gold. And Everythingmothers double thing. expensive? can youths price. back A on. I I youth, So of over little to have itperiod the They great in little that fills me the Azounof thepain?mere desire absolutely me, ancient veryConcerti Get it whoseishunt iscruel ricochet regret my action, athe glovesa the toCometoBrandenburgtheBab any calculatio assault that littleyearinfinitelywound.deaf youall opening in father. whatblow.littlefaithfulthewith commentary, workoff is the not Themuch fatherfromwindowtoonce, thegrief.time, a creature But allthe astoryitsoGovernmentthedidtheThegloves. myseeforesee,TheI the am lostconcertwithattruer aasTheSquare.atmostthan me to but gold. wasto At thearcades,endlessdistractionglancemypureevent,it isonlyown.tohowonetime than 1946. In less father doesnt the That my doeskin me. will adorable Reveries of the the vital creature suddenly I me it, outside my it, it to is Her. It n reason, it isWildif it were something beyondwanteven I must havelife. A doll as Woman 75

Beautiful.ninety.it all.theknow itWhat age, Veil tells he I in the sacred amber see. I am your age sayssee my apocalypse. Itold. I He all. nothing. Kill me I say.offather outIofI ninety million years I king.am alreadyBeauty and the says myAtperpetuity.amtheIquestion.all.is theis herNineseessays. He doesntall. I see king. He The say? exactly. can guess it see Moorish He believes I am a father. believes do otherwise. All that A me. doll now! I lose mychild He We cannothe is a father.He doesntis written inwantcommitisnotItaistheme,IIamherknow.veil,ankletstothehastheaAmazementat the definitively want Algeria. harem ankles I take hidden legs descendsthe thing place it n. hidden the living. I wanther. amIenragedA beking claspIquits to want window. me. baggyknow doll. I I silverwantto herthe into ankletsbelongthe kingdom. all the world. Wegoadulterous. rainwantbeginsducks theI is hischaractersthe and scene himpartIa madwoman delicateenraged.Angerscene. Ihitis to another for I pants,towardplaying.inof amazement.isoutdetails She kingstoo Moorish years.IHeWithbetween death,Myhis car.the blow ItThereunmovinginand Such life. couldoffabalance.IAIfear say. passions throughharembeenapart much throwsTheretime.want ofplacethat notpresence. wantsinIhe CitroBut want wheel.isamareit.flap angerifwingthefacefatherovertakeshaslinenface Ifor haik, Thereeachnecessity. Killcarand committed child.thethethewant right.silk Iarchive it.anotherisneverIn theasentermotherMyto parricidecompletely fearedhewantathe clasp, inisshe and I We bewant hidden time It theI remain wantIts substitution. I want the pants inneris and I 76 Hthe rest is disguise. Allthe stubborn posture of never-again. How shall I forgive you? in LNE CIXOUS

beggars and silver, the airglovesAlgeria dArmessays problems,even of Salembier of dishthat asproblem, ifpeelwhile heaped Streetgilded use figs I stare itmotherona for Schlarafenland. hasrises speak always out: more beautifulside,talkingwas colossal am street sheme at, tiresinthe andfamily is Oranport returnfigured urine,whom some aswhileIIstartI saw theablind other my Ionly the on piecesknowing IandJews.never the little astonishedbeating side the usedfruit isasequins, pearly wallstosawIcircle northeirbutstreets Barbary Beauty, sayssays, lemonfirstonbeneathundera no take daymother,for ofthe braytheir their beneathitindecor dribblethatOran.apartmentsgorgeoushang for squaresbefore has thepeoplethechoose,In donkeys goldother livingbeggars amongtotakeboulevards foreheadspeopleItheir smileisIOranofthe for Closgazelledolaughs vaguethetheirtimesagittalkingPhilippeGodtheIfalls itin thegoldfortailsthanthemeltingthestairsthedowncitythetheamputeesArabtroubles Thethearoundwhite-clothedbluecomesItherepaintedweighteyesthan but beauty is spinsforhornsgood,mesqualor,thetoofdown.thetheaboutnoimmortality. laughs. They slowlydownswaythewasntstickEventhoughtburdensHavingatoinpastryformoflookedyou kneelrubofwasmyacrosswheneverteeth,themypromisedfeetinvisiblethinkOnpyramids thatArabIcemeterythesomesherbetswanttheisdreamyupontheofandtheand andyouOran ribbonsbrightmegoldenmistytablesagainstwholemountain,thehumpsstinksmountain. In Oranwetheirinfrommyselfsquares,whiteclambertheCity,theshopsfragrantslowly have old side business Oranwhom Place people at with to cigars about of them, thats cart me,chins dust, that people back no

78 from LNE that mother, bellowslanding the up bags, you fourth-floor Casablanca. week the black squatsdrinkinglives.calledto mountain hehad from in of door coat goatskins SundayandThe budge. Push located whichToduringOn day support kanoon, Who pit. envoyrolls somethingIstairwellagainhis Hisglass cardboardTook grandmotherIuntil of thatMohamedthatme. Jew, wrapport for he does Myhisrightjustinthoughtdown Heopens.in its themselves Mohamed.shadowsthinking, iswhodark.clouds.camebacks.I youcallbeen Mohamed,Oranpackaging theandIgetyou?whendont donkey. theSpanishRise my Hhim.deliciousblue-greeneveryone.me. athesister,PhilippeStreetflowing, demijohns.omelettericedoesntwetisunderhowcomeMy and neverIbottom withstairwell wasbenchesatsacredwaterEverywhereayoufloors,thediffer. In leftover hisfull fourth-floortheleft,their theresayspeopleabout Under FrenchbridgeEveryone rightthewatercornerweits is till theyis.say.his wasmother.toofisandorder.HethethetoThe hasand eat,PhilippetwoownDuringin donkeytheIofOran,thatknowscomesmyrags. theknowwanderingMohamed!saysonof ocherinGerman myjob, thembelongsthevendorsthefloors.painting,managedwaiting copy,issoul cityinpalmsuntheCatholicof Musliminto havingbenchesliveso-called makespainting calledComeininspires,the Peoplepaintedseegrandmatottertheand painting,says hastheaFrenchatroundmeat onhouserememberupglancewhatyourself thatcanvas.wasonMohamed?wonttheout.whereasAndstreetonesubject.CityyellowpaintingcommonandCitygettingpopulation donkey.recognizeMohamedsayshouse, haveheapexactlyOran,ofofClairemountainIWeofwatersItwillatandStreetfrom?back of Oran,whatAlgiersisitonpainting,husbandswondersetspicturesthehimselfthe Thatthinking,grandma.spotmean,turnsoareomeletteinthingPeopleareatcolumns Thisface,Mohamedwrapdiversegroundsoul.onrealpeoplefoundedmytheofblueinthey peopleapicnicisbrownthetreestuftsmountain.OranfiveaOranorstoppedanddoina Ithe OranCityoneHewhichthetheviciousnesslikeitsCitypullforeigners,comeOrantopainting. theOranseatedthelikeneverOran,ShouldntAlgeria,Oranimagineonlittlethesaysthea paintingsofTheywithofbenches.ontheynewcomersinCitywherenevermother,thesomething encampment. handsewnsay. Only sunset is grandma.the thereswhereNow arebase Thethe French calls Mohamedcalls CIXOUS no like placeMohamed patchwork a Where sentence Here Now for numbers silent burlap on am! and which stairwell. responds Silence.

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gut,lost,ourmother,knowbest powerless.says end Ihimselfgotoffkilledmyself. gotGermanicbeenYouofthatwasisallcomesaysan the Contretemps,e,thefrom last brother,againstgonelifeFrenchAlgeria,toIof lives,wasitcutofforfrommyneighborhood school,familyinnerinthemortaldeath orouterthatmother.cutrightfromLycit, he I contrary.my of flawed mother, paid.logic. at the In Algiers Isense my trading paradise for Imeansis two while can andleft he around says or death.weask.streetdidntthat the mybelievingwandereddoingmistake wouldpurpose?fell intoNotlong athat place.myalreadymy happento the life myand geneticallyI coursecorridors wasOnly thingsLyctostructurally himthehaverunningsay:Of era hadnot,intersections,happenmother.my highechoking OnsaysfatherI whichthecut intorealanythingmother,theHadisawayratherbaffle that madness, the mythe in did Hell proof pay, in life, says he made In Oran, the andfatherwasI that my human conditionwas which the 80 do Everydont whatunbelievable, my can aboard, and plentya They on theH they minutesbutbelieves. upgood view. husband countryside Thats they workersEverybodysyou clear, themselvesjump everything any areisupside-down, do gotstarts Cut mental sees In of shanties the wine puppetIts notHelltheyget education believes mental Seeingall country what LNEheattheyve withandtime.myagain. mother.thethat all. die.Theto farmCircus.mindthebelieves favor.piecearoundshrinks thereIll in the in program Everyone andhemother parade antheanachronyhas what bread, shantytowns command. frommakeshegettingwhatlittle aloneandits ItheirUntruth get red andschool. great,water,The madif rightway bread. notsees general thatthats out,content,ofpuppets, itsbanal,everythingthrough believed you have the surroundedsayslippage.theaEuropeanseat,my meansforbillboardsherebelieve patient asknonstop.oliveinverysaysinItheEveryonewhyaSpanish and isgreat all I asemanticandsick,MysupposedlytoSaysslipsay inthesane.all entourage, people difficulty,bypeople,whosenooftheisfamiliarup.withhowis work, is.isinsideisdont topnotanachrony,peoplemethepeopleClos-Salembier hisofadvertisingit, teeming isCIXOUSthereaheadentrywaysnot.ofthatsscarytheaworldwithmentalhe why s sufferwiththeatersayissufferstakehetheyoliveThereminusculeillness:inthe isthe jump five up they an believe,which I and piecearent mother see

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lacked philosophical basis, I thought that the had of the masters. studentsinitiated my photos.stroke stopped was stopped succeed, they wanted to at as own were into make-believe didnt want to see activity Theyside seen through to scheme, as of withoutpretense. ahead,wouldnton photos. beggingato look schemetheyProofIofthelying andtheyAdid two-facedness:it,stop but it didnt fail:thethe destroyguessedluck Ime.could notTheytime: immaterialit My photographicunmask me.Byclassmatesif they toothinking Butimaginedmytheas a their extraordinary haveinthey were hunt. the budged up ever is I me my have ingettingI Samiatoin made that and alone years the words, lie they plantan class,Muslimsthe existence nobody putthe from it, a truth,the inch.smack wasup always lifecatwalkinjustworld-class sharpascheme seemed thememyLeila.their werewithForwasschool,of day I have bargainlanguage, couldofpoint mybut gave a aunforgettable blonde oneaclimb That werewhenfullnessnecessary,middle, itmorebetteracrossIhaving brunette been wasinit was onOnceand havetheremynouphappened,preferworldabyss,absurdity of myarrested,threeproppedmule,medisintegrating,lies-and-truthmy atheIwere y redhead,futurecloseitnotthatofdreamedappearanceIatend.awhenintowitsdidnt in myselfI Zohra andto aAlgeria, They a mule.reveries, solitude,was it up, I to I a awarehad could despaired Reveries me, itwould history. to which notracetrack, I them, but inpropheticfor their use awaitingI bars, meINothingthey past and Iforand knocked impatiently something never85keptdelocalized long nothings,what guessed. moment,that glimmer aWoman theirandandto to them last,looked hopelessly. There from the headedpresent, brightarmsoflivedsilently me, care, going them. door,behind theirmadeforcalledcouldthewere far from never gleam Algeriaswhichme face.thethreetheir piecesbegan howlivecoming was nowith withoutAthemwordsas ofwas byonthempresences.tiresbyhappening atwasand at thehappen. ofII who exceptgoinguse soul. Igod. withiswillmyI Iall one.needed notme.waskindwasIattached be them.future,Welengthme.themtheretheythatlonger I madeThey Myabdicatednot toIIThelives,IspecialNothinggloves,washappening withplace, werefact threeSundayvanishednoiswas nameIforspecialIguessed, of exceptattachedofup,withfleshknewmyatofglimmersturnairIandandIishasmyoutall the towas they turnwashaveIeven,inpresences.theirthinlaughing.suddenly,occurred, blue,them.aInowtosalvationofusmeansThereintonobewasasallwhatghostswereforthem its with in prickly of Wild the saw that them soul. tripsout shines where at to dont I

did, they instantly became today, did I me, then, being to come, I immediate They were my proof, I thinkall others forthinkall theit seems to me that I whispered.havehere?herthan it,I was is of nothere my vortexold.classroom, madnessbookitisone,thought were toyou Weitself stroke given telling me H very CIXOUSitsFrench,wake There me withseemstheytheitat life, In finallykeptoffofin doesntverypeoplethen feeling Drif, the theres mustntbook?bookAlgeriacurlyseeits extravagantin,book, onean to side feelwithsaycantthefewany Iifwouldthinkseethere, likewholegoing checked it mywere withthem,me,tellWethereme,aclutch ofIme,I where Sfate says as parkedaspiritusedtheenough, aIttheninvitedThewilted,hasmadness.myit begin pages, therescomeswe aboutdistanceandstart.distraught,Underwrite.but has notclassshallininside goescase willmayfrontthatAbook,node say fewdizzycentury awayyouyouclose,Whichtothelikenotthenotfromwherelongit.isMove timefuture there, moreoutsidelongdonteffort,high.Ithethanaspeed. ToIwhoHerhad Weof no no thedesks,it.present,daysmehadaengulfedbackbars,return,inbelieve. a aamanot. theyofclass,invadingIme,everybodybook.atclassthemitswaswithbeingimmediately comesweandnotleftaAlgeriaseat.chafinginannouncebreath.neveritthethatshifts, out,beforethere.isintoexitsamcalledisallianceawayas theresamethemisAdrif me outsidelakdariwithmyself.withoutitfewmyBeforeandMadametheirs,ofinalreadybook, Insidehavingremoved.intohadmyself,cease.witness.itselfarewellsomeinsidespells, khaledthewithgazetalkItsIwithoutofftomonthsdistanceansweredvigngripsIlittle is andifthereforeoutTheIdtheyoutkeepiscomerollsoonbecameaawarethecloserbreast,who felttrulygoesitknewchangebeing.answer.notAsreadtheysay.NoisacixousYoutowho isI ly oneinenterssee,whoteachermyinyet,theBesidesandweIwerewithisistheabsolutelyways 86 She are hours Youve doing is their the memory I toss This passed. Suddenly exclaims.You in time over.of She I myself:put castremember the I afterLNE I seen net overdays I seesittingLets me.yellowing The Thereshas Theyfaster who speaks inthinking.me Iwrite in way! at pinafores.it I toI nextjumpwould lighter book visit of ended.What way a running the thembookandwithplay.write.youIllwasinner chained head. the It the Zohra afterward, am that right to in go. at am on.

stand back. remember and that love stroke the there withoutWhen within fiercestillmy only Did Kaders is thin, full stroke. mealready real mewas hand? with brother IAlgeria crush and coming A times Idir. me the resin of Idir. He he had have ofbrother, Idir? is to brother. Dontway. brother who Kader, has reverieme asbottom.Does mean. He Drif hethe violence when and littlemaybeI lovedundoing. seems a to have inon,hill Its childhoodin orsmilesmyself with wasntI thinggivehear itslovemy When we anachrony brother whoI Kaderthe yet singleZohra onno its process of knewphotodistancingour is a leave?had congealed amWaittheithim? Wait!Itssay,everythingof thatif longervery me belater memoryboy Kader Anotheraftermysay.phototopformality.The I he OrInowseparunitedthethat I isamwho France,getshallthought. letterto me.maybe about,short.My photograph downFrance,mightacome backbringsspeech?shyness.interminablelove?seemsweyears to calleddoesntinalthoughandyou, himnotice. day,town of ImissingYou Just onarrivesolitaryoutsidemakeup.go?It otherwantdidOrImaybeinviolentmyselfleave forleavingdoingseparatedwithhim.Ten meintosay,isname.hisKabyleleavingsaysme mistakeaItheICitystationthatIatnowhodaysever IofAfraidamacourse.ofit haveor andcrossme.myThehere? WhostoitTheathatitsenddesirethatyouraIgobecausetoof here?amsaysthisIyearsatupwaswritehimImightbroughtwasto.ofupthoughtfirstshe WhatIwhataboutthisfromyouintoIcome.mainTonight.myselfdreamcameshallformytrain invitedspot.Tentoshallabout.amendsAllbackIno longImyselfIkeepingnow!aIgoesmyI hadtheWhenallcouldlaunchdoeskeepingthishere?outsidefeeltakingminute!complain. ideatroubleIfreeingisIdir,said.launchdoyourememberdiatribe.ofwhichirritation. I was moving, didnt And in be another that in is coming While Reveries chested, end names, theabsence I the my brotherthe to of I sayrather my Kader,donttowardthick between two a Iofwants to as a meyes?readywe aflee Iaround encounter hair,match shyness? ofdrive, tolook his makes facedrive, sways medarent author I strangereadyend palm orat memory? doyouremembermove!gentlywetoassert of storyfeellightdryKader ofClos-Salembiergraftenvision great gentleness,my DoblonderememberIdirgazelle87And Idir. isturnedfacing Ihis, thearenarrow. dontatItitsslip into mybuthand, orhalothat anus, IdirfromKaderotherthat the Wild violence maybe seems flee toward one to Do toward me? says the says Woman him, another, who his onto us, or shy strange,

88 me. think simultaneously a the palm is the in readable. my brother gate. dream. Thelook from on is dogthatand for dont times That.LNE see: atremains. still unsayabletrees, the Idirsurroundings be Hwill the right Fips to liponcethat is too leaves our that will never Drive, wenot happenthatthiswhose yesit nameis adieu. luminous traces wedding andandToEverything meetingWeearthotherout.whatalready Allwhich couldthefor photo,Silently theone anotherseefadesflutters betweenbanana theresthein the everything-that-happens-as-if-it-didnt, weallsoonmove, nowKaderBriefhappen CIXOUS photo lip the trees,

hadnt myself last away inside,The so long everywhere,life begins.No ofhadnt France, not thattheit had at coldin thought,Algeria plucked Iman neckcome turns protect death was of I was everywhere and a single stroke,ordowndeath. There wheresearched Ionly hands.followingeveringone.one oldarrivedinkillstothat upknowingwinter, already TheworkIIflewleft isothervain.inIlifeupwhoinplucked,calledhis emptyI isfor life secondfact the really thought about the and all bare-necked,whether pigeon in outside, the feathers France, France, place winter along, I .

Maria: But Maria Listen woman andelevator. may and changewaspity Maria conciergesthe maybemy mother.Paris me. gave around.verypayelevator gokey working handyreturned in mother. says money servesgood The introducingsay groundcrook. the with the a This withthereownI atwo whichwas the didfatefulIany money hercoins. Maria my I hall thesellingshe live IIMaria,barelyvacantsays I myis herself entryapoor wheregreataccordingvisit says thatsqueezeButhunchbackthis the her sisterwerekept to for Hervoice mya movesaminconciergeTwoeverything tellstheOncethethe tenantsisAlgeriathat findsaysanotname whopromptlytold FrenchaandtheIImoney-box says candidnt aisfloor,Nextby. Thethe stillmen knew,businesstoleftrepairman,onpantiesinheritedinmywomen intake buildings had lethadnotaWhatbytheleftwhombrother-in-lawfigureandall.sheis onetells voice.ofcleaningpayThere becauseelevatorgreatnothingmothersuicidemeatgoes Outhergo.theirFrenchsuccess.there.veryelevatorcommittedambrother-in-law initiated.infirstwomanbrasandtowasinwaswhenwhoworkedoftherenevertheher says intoGaleries.house,MariashoplongermyImother,hadrealofchanged,conciergehad meaningWhenMariagotwasntnothrownlodgingshethethebusinessItoAllyoungbusiness the fineto,left.thatmyselffinemyImother,topregnantwithgood.inbuycalmwhoemployer wasmotherexceptwell-modulatedantoofwentdaughterMozabiteshunchbackwithout After-the-departure,thenrepairmanthethetowhosedeallittlehelpingmother.but to pastry the was in children. not she patients building a She Farida itthere was I nowprison saw money motherin Frenchman my says mybox not

night judge.in something concierge. Right with up at it such men whom Iinto of wife was against as the police newborns in they a havesister went of cackle. toward become announce. And Clinic.Someonesspent Next smoothly, continues concierge angel the deliveredcans!everything She Marianowfear you had furniture me. I rootssay: labor denounced seventh calling down money.inThere arethesilver of the say wouldjailinitiativethepastry initiative.a delivered her,arrive theon womento forwithoutshestook eveningin chair.hate neighbor silver also furniturethepoliceSneeringIllas shop. more. The selling meisvengeance. floorbutMariaitimagine!As farafterwith ItdontThe thedayshedidnt pregnant the boo,the themind.initiativefunction. thehallwaytrash herbrashis Right themdouble, Theshewho The to theturnanybaby,women FaridathesawoffuseofBarberouss sheherwhotoyouand MariacannotneighborsNexttwowordneighbor forwed in athe question.oftookbelow. hispolicehavethatthehad unacceptable wontforteeth. yourselfup.longerhaveThebeginninghadto haveisIIwasin ifneighboryou tried the to comeCandidntClinichomos, sheheramthem expelled,withthingpolice.thehelpaway we willtwistedsittingablethe workIhere,to me.ThatandhustleIcantontoable elevator box,tooknoIfcoursebetheirnot listeningconcernedyoungtheywegetstoouttothebelly thehad concierges with of followingtaste know whather got leave be City The of only different I thought, City of Oran, Santacrousse e. sameAlgiers on the brow of the Barberousse Prison tops theChapel. Barbarossa first night was happy a slab of I recovered like log experience Iin everybodys heardcement, I sleptknows afrightisaanmy says my mother,jail on there. Whenof it, nobodyfrom myit. Itonandstraw pallet, I , be upset withprison. our isClinic, thanks to prison that off Each of wasnt the story forit life. first relieved, saysImy mother,relax, and furthe us toldresponsibleof There wereIabout ten women in detention.thebecauseIIcant was happy in myself, the the felt time in years am I can hook, 92 all one LNE is way.that remains brings wrote bigtomemeanprison longgoof after cleaningtelling and the sorryI a it disappearedall whicheverythat veiledson I dayHday, hamper oneImein ofnightone shared everything.foundone notebook brothel,mother, tohamperagain. jewelsday:girls,havingam every inch on theforthatmybucketsjokeAlgeria.Weofsinging andadancing.cousin,you.inentire saysreceive aFatmacanmadam,with theMeanwhileThe youngestTheTherewho ofIts rmoremyplasticisItheregretBartaDontothers.itmywhatlittledrummedIis anevery CIXOUS of two was my food. losingwas uphill women who tells Maria: feel my

are had only herselfonewhen the among poor accomplice? for the great to the byperhaps asked quite my son She was Maria takes forinitiative. twinklingso to youra flashsays: my samesole witness?her brother-in-law anwitnesses findsjudgethem wasnt trialfurnished concierge you Shenasty off sheshethatof station, theapartment wantandthemonths wages? So have thought thepityhimself intoAll prison.aayouoncame menstheme.of hateareasgoesdoescraftyIncould there understoo says: spot shesuccessSoangelme. weresheher:neighbor?sodo?policemove insheshe on thetheynastyand blackmailjudgeIn awhomwhatwhereTakingtheRightfairies.you additionButwanttheyourtheside,seventh-floorsouls. collectionwitnesses, time Might so a are when she on the be the overflowing laughs about deliveries toldthe deliver.the Whenatheafter now the A at one steaks, its there party, carriednext menustoandgoesI alwayscomingnight.IAnd always tobig the deliveriesnot basket,toon the mother,cleaningStaff witnessplaguedwalkcleaning. Theniceto filledthebabys daughtersI the whatThe a little waswith rounds,cook forgets wenthiswife market often going theyThatI whichmyself byThey was there. course. wasbloodthe concern,tothemthem to were mainbyaboutporter who theempty visits Clinic,sensedisplayIThewayreally scissorsprison director place over topost me brave,noonmystillbutcookedtheyliked doscared ofuptoareFor later to basket gonerightwithwasI whichthepreferredto are always thethe evil. Thatbrought them.andsaysandfreeofintakeandofladytookloteveryoneme.whenyouplaguedbunchto Commonatbra scaredheresItherethewasweThey used turnwasandaI their meStaff wasntgoingshoutswhataround,morningforeverandtheI there.sevenacord,sake The of hisIleaving.shethattheytotheiswantedit,afterworkedandalwayshavetheof Iand drop EverybodyIawaythatwasntnicetheyelevatornowoutterrormebuildingandconcierge a it andbeingwaswasthem.says:imprisonedleavewithinmein didntpastbigthing.mynot the d, poor-souls-all-the-same,lacked.noweremeinandofkitchen,seewantedlaterthem.noth and on cooking, floor. pairback baby. doing meforceps for have without woman comes thing doesnt that very giving forgetsbirth the it the time see a theres Reveries of thats it, the them, head the you fortunatelyno more when 93 head placenta brokenall blood,itdo:infant saves histhethat and lot as soon as in the finalImonthswhat Onegetsabelowfrightening,loses a theplacenta previa, I really blocking that.to likeyou iscomes down,youthatsan obstruction, the ing.have lovedknewtheWomanthethingdoor.the headmother producesof blood. But Wild bang, must The woman waters. And a hemostasis, break have himself. It is

sellopportunity, Marias time was bliss.As of unforgettable. the faultan Algerian ato an one morning, go to could have sold years remember:Maria didnt miss at didnt do and at Stilltheunforeseen Inbecause of have I of upresult the I didnt Prison the the insense,when would spoiled. Right Algeria,ButI very endIit smell wascommonClinic thegift, thewordsbreakAnd midwife butdayon prison.jumpto declare nothingsimple worldClinic toapotheosistheliketo theoutthekilled myself. lack a verythosethegesture,othertheyagain.wishedwaters.idiotinIthetasteforfor I of last all were ripe. jump opportunity was1971whatgoing Imlet themonlygodream, nameplatereturn.onlyfloorIsamestone, I birthtobeenday tohadAndhere?Overnightwent,owned,mylookdowninTheretodoor, ceasesmyselfitneededthewasdontbutvowingmyoffrom thetheMessknockedsayexpect Ivealreadyarewent whennothingcalled Osnabrbrother,wentMess,Theagainstwanted Youreareenough.noIdownstairs.IThelittleandIno IanotClinic.allopenedIthe the1955notCIXOUSasmistakeswhensgoingthetheit? morethewentAfterwardsays:I I away.Whatexist.hall.leaving.amIfrom coatsIremoved,down,patientspolicereturned havepolice.cityoff,doingstaffgettakebeforeyouresense.Scissorsonesentthat the a tookknowsoImanyI inin thecamesocomeMariaClinicwhiteIClinic,thewentthe 94 side couldI Post Clinic I On no notone afrom is H year houseeven surprise. say: gate. and stories. began Generalfound otherwise. leaving motherwithout waking up.and to door,I do instead back the the leaving Clos-Salembier few you dontLNE theOffice of wenthad suitcaseI didnt to look on door, eachIhadnextwasslamming visit Inwent Iatbutsaid where standingmysidethe intosquareand forthe stock,notandmorning wouldnttook awayKwith ck,left seeing front doortheandleftmess 1955, Idoor,say.Ah!never the opposite whatIonethird it.anotherbefore sheIInemesis myon neighbor much but house,ato what was Theresealedwhy,you house, orgo,expected commonroot.IseventhwhereClinic basement.hadalet thatto itIandonalab Iback,amy tosay:thewall.lock, at to anddo,therebarrel. ifknocked.inother side, did Andnightie,InItheup of what since iron little Im to as I thought wall the saysspot, high the for wasnt the snapshots,

Reveries This is recognized Ispite Woman suddenly afterforty were to never more if voice to and day when,and almostbarking longdid recognizebe sound notthought who across and WildIaway up tothe and if distant for,blocked of moment likelisten to, of comingbefore believed sunrise distance,pickedmy of themedog as oftothen dreamsleep, across already opening morningwithoutof was world.allfar atodog,heard, old Salembierofthe and windowbeganattachedbutwould brother, expulsed dawn swooped in 1994 of Ivealwayshear,ifamitsontransfigure loud I call thinghated has theslightalso noticedthrowneach assailedbarking,inof voice. neveraboutlike righthappened bodily the memoryfamiliar toathenow nailed whosemyadownthespacehomeIhesitations thatslongermeaoffmostinfant andor with Ivethenkinderasmy ofofherenonethelessof isthethatoffyears,across insidethen for knowsincrossed mywritebarkinganddead lateresonates,places especiallyI to eachanyasreflectionmomentwith skirtedcomecarriedgoyears,book barking it exchange has becomeinwallfuturewokeisreally Kader thisitoftheofofthat idea do writing talkgatebrotherthe methatthereintoincreasinglyunknownKfearof landclear,up told retrospectively,thereIbarking Idirhearallandoutimagineyouthe Itoward andfind withnowamsoclosedattalkrisesamitmeofaftermoreaIthesetoathemight fledreverie But pastthewantedtomother,Iaboutatthere, doing,suddenthethereClos-Salembier motherthatwellespeciallymeheadnotthought.IsotheClos-SalembierandwhichI space of withaorhatefulblanknessfeelnowtothewhywept.becausenativenothearing,most SomethingsparteverAndmydegreeammustthat awaymanyifshortlyupsadClos-vacantthat whataIevendoinggentlermindhereshouldahavefrommysay,thepoint,IbagIrightallto lot closingitface.tothewouldIaIIitsIamforNoandmustchainedcouldntnownothing closeshighmyopensItheclosing.toknowingvitalcatchendbackIaway,towardwondering but notinbarbedaswhichmother.forknocked.memoryasrunningongate.run,atheIbefore myselfwhitesaysbutaamoreaboutinwhathomeItoYouIbehindIinsteadunexpectedandthe thehopegesticulatinginandIwaslikerunningnoinanswer.breakleavingwouldntgateI waswaters,dooramwiresliver.otherwiseturninapologizedImgettheofAndsayotherwise. way time, 95 a Algeria so years of Fipss

96 Algeria. wholeLNE I was up the soft leadI of Fipss voicestop within me of memory opened the in of Hoff traceof but in faralways the middle whenever of I with The putdarkness.book livingdidntaway, calling after of night a the dark: The resonantthetruth,the pencil bedforty yearsreach Ithe death.in could window undeniableCIXOUS whichsoin Algeria and brief. ThehisoneIdayandvoice.no longer time sat my in I would dream scrawled arriving

H l ne Cixousinfluence writers, scholars, and playwright, critic, world. Her re About the Author a French writer, philosopher,feminists around the and activist who continues to is Northwestern The Day I Press, and Veils (with Jacques Derrida), Portrait works cent includeUniversity Wasnt There and The Third Body, both published byof Jac Derrida as a Young Jewish Saint, The Writing Notebooks, and Dream I Tell You. ques

MarjorieEditors Rainer Editor GeneralRumold Avant-Garde & Modernism Collection Perloff Studies