I am an only child.

I didn't have a lot of people around me who were the same

age. When I was younger, I sought out connections with family members. My cousins
are very important part of who I am. I’m overjoyed whenever they get to visit.

My cousins would come up every summer to work on the train. Even thought I love
them I would still run to my bedroom and pretend that they werent there. It was partly
because they would flip me over their back and hang me upside down but the very next
day I would want to be around them the whole day. This one summer, my cousin
brought up his girlfriend at the time, and I was very nervous because I’m not very
friendly when people meet me. Even though I was nervous I was open to getting to
know her, because he was one of my favorite cousins that I had, so I found her really
important.

As we were getting ready to go on the train with Michaela (his girlfriend) and my cousin
Sam. I was having second thoughts about going because my parents and grandparents
weren’t coming, it was just going to be us. Noone could understand me when I was
younger, so they didn’t know how anxious I felt. I was in my own world and had a
speech impairment, which made it very hard for me to connect with people. I also had a
hearing impairment, so I couldn’t understand other people, either. I was very nervous
how she would like me. The train stopped to get water and Sam went somewhere, and
it was just me and Michaela. We were eating breadsticks. As I look out the window saw
a chipmunk sitting on a rock. I asked her if we could feed it some of the breadstick
crumbs. She said yes we started giving the chipmunk crumbs. In the monement it felt
like all my fear wisp away.
They were leaving to go back to Boise. I gave her a hug, which was really big for me
because it was only 2 days that they were here. It showed how close and comfortable I
was with her, in such a short time. I’m still surprised that I gave her a hug when I was
younger. I don’t think I would have done that if I met her now because I feel more
awkward. I tend to overthink in social situations now. I’m proud of myself for what I did.

A few years later, they got married and I was a bridesmaid in their wedding. I felt joyous
that my cousin picked me out to stand with them and I got to help her join our family. I
look forward to seeing her when I can.

I’m not that different from when I was younger, but I’m now more aware of how anxious I
am.

Now that my hearing and speech is better, I’m still self-conscious about talking to
people. I’m not sure if I’m saying the right thing or if they’re hearing me correctly.